#so if anyone... wanted to like... reread... anything... to refresh their memories... before the next chap drops...

[takeariskao3]

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[spookybias]

ᝰ WHO I THINK MY MUTUALS WERE WRITTEN BY ˎˊ˗

this is just for fun and i tried my best to not make anything sound like personal attacks or like they were directed at anyone. i think i had too much fun writing these because now i wanna turn them into blurbs. anywhore, enjoy! i hope i did this right.

@hobqs ― an irresponsible author who lost custody of her child. she wasn't given any custody at the courthouse, or even any visitation rights. all she has of her child are the memories of their awful occurrences and a handful of pictures that are torn at the edges. so she writes of a character who is funny and refreshing, and doesn't let anyone crush their perspective of the world ―the qualities she believes her child now has. the mother hopes that someday, her child will read her book and say, "i want to meet this author."

@bluhr ― a group of bullied boys hiding under the bleachers. they're tired of being pushed around and humiliated, but are too intimidated to do anything about it. one of them sniffles and wipes his nose as the four of them take turns letting their imagination run wild, jotting down everything the student who saves them should be. wacky and wonderous, this person is a reason to have faith in humanity. it's only after writing down the aspects of their non-existent savior, that they find the courage to at least tell their bullies to screw off next time.

@boba-beom ― a pessimistic barista who needs some light in their life. they gave up on their hopes and dreams after getting kicked out of school for some happenings they wish they could erase. dealing with customers is a drag, and they only wish to have something more to look forward to. on a slow business day, they find themselves scribbling on a coffee-stained napkin; a character light and sweet whose pats on the back and tired sighs are somehow the most motivating thing in the world. they'll get out of their dead-end job one day. their napkin character said so.

@sherlockholicsbysoobin ― an angry boyfriend who's tired of being pushed around. he only took up writing because his s/o liked it, and as always, he does what his s/o wants him to do. he finds himself writing up an assignment for an extra class he couldn't care less about. but after writing for about an hour, he can't help but adore the character he's created ―a light-hearted being a with silver soul who gets into the simplest of hijinx. he realizes that he's gained nothing but trauma from his current relationship and wants to find someone more like his oc.

@enluv ― an iridescent teenager who's hopeless in the corner of a hospital room. are they already dead? is their life flashing before their eyes, or are they just passing by? their boyfriend broke up with them yesterday afternoon. he said he wanted a lover, not a patient. the doctors say whatever they have is rare, and everyone is getting ready for them go, even when they have a chance of living. they just want someone to sit with them. on their notepad, there's a story of an affable and ambitious friend of a sick kid who fills the room with laughter and good times. someone who says, "get well soon" instead of "i'll miss you".

@choiwrld ― a hopeful baker's spilled flour in an alleyway bakery. perhaps one of his kids were tracing their finger along the counter beforehand, because flour doesn't just fall over and land like that. flour doesn't just tell the tale of an enchanting and easy-spirited individual with more goals than you can count. but the baker doesn't clean the flour up right away. he rereads and reminisces on the story and hopes that one day, his children can grow up to become someone just like this mysterious character on the counter.

@iuwon ― a rowdy rebel who's over being scolded. she sits in the principal's office with her feet on the desk and her notebook in her lap, pencil in hand. her science notes are crossed out to make room for her character, the support system she needs. someone who won't tell her what to do, but tell her their opinion on what she's doing and ask her why she does what she does. someone who likes to chuckle and cringe and hug and pat heads. etiquette and goals would be more worth it if she had a friend like that.

@igyus ― an anxious middle school girl who's been left alone longer than she should be. her household sucks, her parents started leaving her alone earlier that they should've. her friends can't always come over, and sometimes she forgets how to use the stove. maybe the whole home alone thing is making her lose her mind, but lately, she swears she has an older sibling. they're the ones who leave her meals in the microwave and make her laugh so loud the neighbors can't help but ponder why she's laughing alone. they're never there to answer the door but there's proof of this laid-back and funky, loving older sibling in the girl's anxiety journal.

@hkfilm ― the words just kind of appeared one day. no one is sure who wrote the name and story of this abstract character, but everyone gets goosebumps passing the words written on the walls of the basement stairwell. and it's not long before people are whispering, "did you hear?" some say it was the ghost of another who left the story of a playful and prized person who's mesmerized by the tiniest of things, but no one can be sure. and like all tales, this one becomes twisted overtime. it's the uneasiness of the students that give this character every trait they list and humane existence. and there's nothing scary about this character except the uncertainty of where they came from.

@softbbyg0rl ― an extraterrestrial phenomenon. it's one of those unexplained and remarkable instances. the world just woke up and there were creases and crumbles and a canyon that spelled out the story of a happy-go-lucky and humorous being. the stars wrote it. the aliens wrote it. the natural disasters wrote it. no one is sure who or what came up with this character, but it's a mutual agreement that this is what the human race should be like.

@missskzbiased ― an observant teenage girl who's riding the train alone for the first time. she'll be staying with her grandparents for the next few months and is undeniably excited to explore somewhere she's never been before. but she also can't deny the fear that she feels about being alone for several months. and so she jots down in her journal someone she hopes to meet, the friend she wants to make. someone whose voice sounds like home, a kind-hearted listener who tries their best to be honest. and she trusts that she'll meet this character.

@hooniee ― a daydreaming grandma baking cinnamon rolls. she had always wanted grandchildren, but she didn't have any kids herself that could bring her such joy. she finds herself writing on a cinnamon smudged and glaze stained post-it note, the recipe for a child too pure for this world; someone undoubtedly misunderstood but indubitably creative and soft-hearted. maybe one day she'll be graced with such a presence, but until then, she's left alone with her cinnamon rolls.

[gas-station-trackphone]

Fic Recs/Mandatory Reading for Reddie fans

Here is an incomplete list of some of my favorite Reddie fics on ao3, because i cannot get over the sheer talent of this fandom’s wonderful writers! A lot of these are the Greatest Hits that you’ll find on almost every fic list, but that’s why I consider them mandatory reading. like if you haven’t read some of these, what are you doing?

the years go by like days by georgiestauffenberg, rated M

the 27 years in between, but better because richie and eddie stay together. every time i think of this fic, i think of that lady gaga meme where she’s like “brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, etc” and maybe it’s bc this is one of the first reddie fics i ever read, but this one is always gonna be my favorite

broken record by spunknbite, rated E

the mother of all time loop fics. every reddie veteran gets chills at the phrase “the house on Neibolt was still standing”

literally everything by stitchy

like seriously just clear a few days bc you’re not gonna want to stop reading this author once you start. no other author has made me literally fucking cackle in one paragraph and sob in the next like this one, pls do yourself a favor and devour all their works like i did 

the night we met (take me back) by camerasparring, rated E

ch2 fix-it where eddie shows up at richie’s door alive and with no memory. great slow burn with a wonderfully conflicted richie, 10/10

let’s hear it for my baby! series by cloudings, rated E

OOOOOOOHHH boy! a modern teen!reddie grindr AU that’s both steamy AND sweet?? more like a fucking blessing amen hallelujah

a heart that laughter has made sweet by marjaani, rated E

another lovely teen!reddie fic that’s got it all! sweet, stupid boys, humor, a teeny bit of angst, and some 5-alarm fire smut with some top eddie, as a treat

keep talking. i’ll keep walking toward the sound of your voice. by theappleppielifestyle, rated T

angst with a happy ending is my favorite, and this one is just fantastic. so sweet, so sad! and stan is featured as eddie’s afterlife buddy and idk about y’all but i cannot get enough of stanley uris in my reddie fics. read this, then read all this author’s reddie fics, they’re all amazing

collateral by loosecannon, sheepknitssweater, rated E

a post-ch2 fic that i guess could be classified as fix-it, BUT with some very interesting twists. they beat the clown, everyone lives, but no one really gets the tropey happy ending. the WIP sequel is also incredible and i live for the updates.

the greater fool  series by mischiefmanager, mostly rated T with some E

this is a series i’ll reread a lot bc it’s so fucking good. follows young reddie into early adulthood, mostly a bunch of cute shit where they figure out themselves and their relationship. also contains the single best teen reddie fic in existence, he came in through the window, but reading the whole series is a must

brokeback derry and everything else by Amuly, rated E

27 years in between, richie and eddie reconnect in their 20s and meet back up in derry twice a year to remember and love each other before going back to their lives and forgetting. so much pain. there’s a lot of sweet stuff in there, but you can see shit’s gonna get complicated from miles away and the anticipation almost gave me stomach ulcers (in a good way). ultimate angst with a happy ending.

let me name the stars for you by playedwright, rated M

speaking of angst with a happy ending...Martian AU!!!!! this one fucked me up in the best way, i literally called my roommate at 2am to vent to her about my emotions after reading it. i go back and reread chapter 8 just to be overwhelmed by it, and it makes me cry every time. plus, there are awesome sequels/companion pieces in the series! read this, i beg you!

walk through fire for you by hyruling, rated T

unwind after all that angst with some cute, drunk, confused eddie being very upset when he finds out richie is engaged. richie only teases him a little before pointing out the matching ring on eddie’s finger. 

in the heat of the summer (you're so different from the rest) by kaboomslang, rated E

post-ch2 slow burn with tags that really say it all, including but not limited to: eddie moves to california and richie is a mess, Eddie Kaspbrak’s Hot Girl Summer, and cute middle aged man dates

pivotal moments by danfanciesphil, polypocket, rated E

high school reddie has a sort of fwb thing goin on, but emotions get in the way. featuring wonderful bevchie friendship, hella miscommunication, cute double dates, high eddie, and a happy ending

like a bullet in the back by jerry_duty, rated M

adult idiots in love! a personal favorite trope of mine! slow burn with a fair helping of angst but a really great ending. richie stays with eddie in new york while he’s there on business, and it takes these losers SO LONG to figure it out but the way they dance around it is very cute

no sense of living without aim [WIP] by liesmyth, rated E

richie and eddie meet on grindr in the 27 years between and hey, whadda ya know, they fall in love! i really love this fic but i’m pretty sure it’s been abandoned. i’ve had it open on my phone browser for like 3 months with no update but i still check it regularly bc i’m pathetic and this fic is just so good i’m DYING to know what happens next so read at ur own risk

a strange sense of familiarity [WIP] by Katranga, rated E

another “they meet and fall in love without remembering” fic, and even though it’s not complete yet, it gets regular updates. oh, also, i’m obsessed with it. they’re long distance fuck buddies who can’t admit they’re in love, and then they get hit with the childhood memories! and everyone lives! what’s not to love!  also PLEASE read kisses take like mint and every other reddie work by this author, they are all fantastic

adult friends by sudowoodo, rated T

AU where adult reddie meet at a first aid seminar for work (immediately fall in love), become friends, become best friends, and finally get to be happy. has some super repressed eddie and intensely pining richie, which is always fun, and genuinely made me laugh out loud. also please check out this author’s other reddie fics, there’s some super sweet kid reddie in there that really warms the heart

the mind's a funny fruit by joldiego, rated T

eddie wakes up barely alive in derry, has 0 memory, calls himself richie, and moves in with some lesbians. an absolute must read that ought to be on every reddie fic rec compilation. i read this a long time ago and just thinking about it makes me want to read it again.

now what i'm gonna say may sound indelicate [WIP] by IfItHollers, rated E

it took me entirely too long to find this fic since i joined the fandom, and it’s truly a fucking masterpiece. it’s almost at 200k now and still unfinished, and the slow burn is excruciating, but this is a legendary fic for a reason. eddie spends the first chunk of this fic in the hospital recovering from the massive chest wound, and then he and richie move the recovery to ben’s cabin in the woods. the author’s notes for each chapter are a story in themselves

signs of a new lifetime by swordfishtrombones, rated T

one of the sweetest, most romantic reddie fics i’ve ever read. a fresh take on a classic concept: post-ch2, they’re in love, they haven’t said/done anything about it yet, BUT!!! it’s not angsty! they are all cute and giggly like “you say it first!” “no, you say it first!” and it makes me fucking MELT

broadcasting tower by swordfishtrombones, rated E

back-to-back recs from the same author! bc i love these fics so much! sort of similar to the last one in that they both know what’s up and just haven’t said it, but this one’s got the angst! i didn’t know when i read it that it was the same author as the other fic, and i thought how funny, i found another reddie author that perfectly captures this pair in such a wonderfully romantic way! i also just noticed there’s a follow up to this so now i have to go read that immediately

eurydice; the original comeback kid by Vulcanodon, rated M

for the love of god please read this and the other work in this series. it’s a ch-2 fix-it with some intense action sequences and major pining, and it has haunted me since i first read it

love on the telephone by tempestbreak, rated E

okay this one is really just 30k of pure smut but it’s also so sweet and features a mini sexual awakening for eddie and some insecure richie with an emphasis on how much they love and trust each other. also it doesn’t hurt that the smut is fire, like does anyone else want that twink obliterated, or is it just me?

the boy who loves you by candlejill, rated E

eddie lives, richie confesses, things are chill and then they’re not. richie’s career flourishes, which is always nice to read and is what ultimately catalyzes eddie’s gay awakening and realization of his love for richie. it’s got some sad angsty parts and a very sweet ending, and it up there as one of my favorite reddie fics of all time

richie and eddie break up [WIP] by skeilig, rated M

a refreshing and realistic take on life ch-2 for the losers, because being in love at thirteen doesn’t mean you can fall into a perfect relationship at 40. i’ll admit, i’m hoping this will ultimately be a “richie and eddie get back together” fic, but it’s still a very good read (and often very funny in the second chapter) at the moment in the midst of their break up

september 1989 and everything else by pineapplecrushface, rated T

cute kid reddie figuring it out and making me smile. the follow up to this and the after derry series by this author are also personal favorites

go west by ssstrychnine, rated T

road trip fic! an absolute work of art slow burn with teen reddie in the 90s. it’s so beautifully written i just wish i could go back and read it for the first time again

the edification of eddie kaspbrak by tozier, rated M

character study with some incredible fucking prose, my lord it gorgeous. explores how eddie learns about love as he grows up, and it’s super fucking sad sometimes bc the poor boy doesn’t know how to have the things he wants and i just want to give him a hug, but it’s really a spectacular fic

circular motion by sinchronicity, rated M

soulmate!AU that follows book canon and even though it’s been a long time since i’ve read it and the details are fuzzy, i remember absolutely loving it and thinking it was incredible

tell me you know by RichiesToesHurt, rated E

college losers with some severely pining and jealous richie with a lovely ending 

predicament bondage [WIP] by dgalerab, rated E

i resisted reading this fic for so long, recently broke and binged all of it, and now i’m like frothing at the mouth for updates. richie’s a closeted actor/comedian who meets eddie, a professional Dom, when he needs help researching a role. they become friends, they develop crushes, richie realizes he’s a sub, and it’s just so much fun to read

there’s a lot more fics to rec so i might add on to this in the future, but in the meantime my biggest tip for for reading fanfiction that took me embarrassingly long to figure out: focus on the authors! if you read something you like, check out the rest of the work by that author bc odds are you’ll like that too. i mentioned it in a few specific works above, but check out the authors catalogues for these fics. if i included every work by these authors that i loved, this list would be miles long

feel free to add on any great stuff i missed, there’s sure to be tons of it!

[poison--ivory]

Uninviting Cataclysm (Alastor x Reader) Chapter 2

June 16, 1915 (Monday)

 Ten days have gone by since the radio man has offered me a job here at his studio. I still can't shake the chill of his touch. I heard rumors he could use voodoo because of his creole background, but I didn't want to judge too quickly.

____________________________________________

"You want me to work for you. But, why?"

"Of course! You look perfect for the job, darling.” His grin widen to surprising width. Pearly white teeth glistening from the light radiating off them.

"What can I possibly do that might help you?" Cocking your head to the left. Eyes drifting from his gazed. Not daring to meet his eyes.

Snapping his fingers your brain compelled you to look up at his eyes. Looking pleased he folded his hand on top of the other. "You'll do menial work like organizing files, coffee runs, rereading my manuscript before each show and working for me until I say otherwise."

Eyes still fixated on him you tried to pry them off, but like a mouse being hypnotized by a snake. You felt as though you were compelled to keep your eyes up or he'll swallow you whole.

"Will it pay well?" Your voice sounded faded and small. But, your surprised he heard you.

"Why my dear, of course I'll pay you generously." Rolling his eyes and they drifted off for bit before shooting back on you. You straighten your back and inhaled sharply. Throat getting dryer each second he looks at you. The air felt like it got thicker and heavier, you felt like you were drowning. "So, darling do we have a deal." His arm stretched out in front of his body and again your body moved by itself. Taking his hand with yours and gave it a good couple of shakes. A sharp jolt shot up your arm.

You could of sworn you saw a green light emitting from his hand trailing slowly to my hand. My body felt like it was on fire heating up with each passing second. Then, as soon as it stared it went away leaving a loitering coolness behind. It all ended with the waitress nearly slamming the plate down in front of me and gently placing Alastor's right in front him. He thanked her and she walked off giggling with a huge array of red on her cheeks.

Body shaking slightly you tried picking up your fork. His gaze was still on you waiting for you try yours first.

'What the fuck was that?"

_____________________________________________

 Ever since then I tried to keep my distance from him outside of work, but he insisted he should drive me home each night. Because of the killings going on and that a lady should be accompanied home by a fine gentleman like himself. Reasoning with him was out of the question. I told him no before and his face made me regret even thinking about turning down his offers. What made it even more terrifying he kept that sickening smile on the whole time. I still have the bruise from when he pinned me to the wall. I hide it from my family I haven't really been speaking to them for a couple of days now. They have their own problems and what use do I have to burden them with my own situation.

Thinking about it Mimzy's always looked happy to talk to Alastor without hesitation. From what I know she really idolizes him.

'I wonder if Mimzy's treated like this. If she was she doesn't really act scared.'

 The light that read 'air' went off and a sense of dread flew throughout your body. Before getting up he always fixed his hair and loosened his bow tie. Smiling he walked out the studio with a pep to his step. Making eye contact you managed a smile on your lips before he pulled you towards him and gave your body a small twirl.

"Can you please take me home, Al. I'm quiet tired." You weren't lying it was a long night shift and with the gruesome story telling of another murder. You just wanted the day to end so you could sleep in your lovely bed.

"Oh, did I not tell you dear." He tilted his head and that smiled stretched . "I'm taking you out for a night on the town." The excitement in his voice was kind of sickening.

"B-but I-" was interrupted by him dragging me along with him down the hall and waiting upon the arriving elevator. Looking up to speak with him again you noted the look on his features and decided not to question anymore. Stepping into the elevator you both made it downstairs and straight into the lobby. The old lady at the front waved us both a good night, she herself already getting ready to leave and retire for the night.

 Alastor's car was waiting outside like usual and he finally took his hold off of me to open the passenger door. Thanking him you sat yourself in and leaned more to the window when Al got on the driver side. Smirking he pulled off in the opposite direction of my neighborhood. Even though your already out you still feel like you should call home and tell them your gonna be out for I hope a short while.

Passing by fancy light up signs and all sorts of folk walking around from building to building. A couple of bands were setting up their instruments into backs of cars. Groups of friends making good memories of their youth by drinking it away with silly juice.

"Where are we going this late?" You know people party after this hour, but you never really expected him to be a party type. Well maybe his attitude changed after a couple of drinks or can he hold his liquor. I guess you were going to see another side of him this night.

"Our dear, Mimzy's is singing at a local bar tonight and she wanted me to invite you as well." Looking at me from the corner of his eyes, then trailing them back to the road in front. "She never really opens up to most of my dame friends. I guess she's taking a liking to you."

"She's sounds pretty protective." To be completely honest with yourself you've never been in lady drama before. So, you couldn't tell if she liked him as a brother or a man. The glares from now and again would tip you off, but her inviting you to her show sound friendlier than her usual self when she's around you. Though for all you know Al brought you up in conversation and she got the idea from him.

"She does cares a great deal for me, she's one of the few of my close friends." He gave a short chuckle, which sounded more of rumble that came from his chest.

"How long are we going to out for, because I don't wanna worry my family."  Messing with your small fingers, you kept you gaze lowered afraid of being put under that overwhelming fear again.

 Instead answering he laughed and gave the steering wheel a firmer grip. "All you do is ask questions, darling." An arm reached out and cupped my cheek with his gloved hand. "No need to worry that pretty little head. Time does fly by when your having fun."

 He gave my cheek a small tap and slowly withdrew his hands. Not before dragging it across my neck at a snails pace. Then, placed it back on the wheel.

_____________________________________________

"Here we are my dear." The place looked like any other bar. This doesn't look like the sort of place for someone like Mimzy to sing her songs.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Squinting you couldn't find the appeal of taking any business here.

"Don't judge a book by it appearance, my dear. It's what's on the inside that counts." He was right next to your ear, hot breath on the shell of your ear. Making you jerk to the side holding your right ear in protection. Before you could protest he entangled his arm with yours and pulled you towards the run down building.

 The place was nearly empty besides the drunken gents at the bar and the few in small booths. Alastor lead me to back where a single man stood pressed against the door. He made eye contact with Al and stuck his hand out for him to shake. Smirking he met his grip and they both started a weird and complex handshake. The man groaned and stepped to the side.

"Play nice, Al." He shot him side glare. "I Don't wanna clean another room."

"Oh, don't you worry my friend. I have a doll tonight, why would I cause trouble." With a narrowed eyed smile to his face and jester me inside. If I couldn't hear music before I can clearly hear it now. All sorts of instruments playing. Smiling I bobbed my head to a certain beat matching with anyone of the instruments. The grip that was on my arm was gone and replaced on my waist by the tall gent. He was smirking down at me, then looked back in front of himself leading us down, deeper until the music was blaring into my ear canals.

'So this what a real club looks like. So nice besides the drunk people.'

Alastor lead me deeper into the crowd passing people who seem to moved out the way for Al and he sat me down at the bar.

 Bopping my nose he turned the seat around to face the man serving the drinks at this bar. "This fine man here is, Husker. He serves refreshments at this fine establishment." Looking up at the man he looked like he never got a wick of sleep with rough, black stubble on his face. Combed back black hair and even though he looked around Al's age (20), he looks like he doesn't take the best care for himself and looks about twenty-nine going into the mid thirty area. "She's the one I've been talking about lately." His full attention's on the male now who only nodded and continued cleaning shot glasses.

"Shouldn't you be gettin' ready." His gruff voice sent delightful shivers down your spine.

"Oh, why yes! I nearly forgot!" Detaching his arm from my waist he turn towards the crowd.

Al's gaze reached out across the tables and he stopped on on particular person. "Husker my dear friend. Do you mind watching over this little doe for me." He fixed his bow tie and fluffed his hair. "I have something I need to do before show time."

 Before I knew it he disappeared into the mass of people and went to the lower platform. Looking back at Husker you only managed a small wave, and tried to make eye contact. Finding his eyes more easier to fall upon.

"So, you want anything to drink?" His gruff voice hardly reached your ears, but you still made some words.

"Anything without alcohol or water, please." Smiling you tried to make good first impressions. He reached behind the counter to fill you glass with seltzer water. Sliding the medium sized cup towards you. Nodding your head in thanks you took a small sip. Little bubbles splashed your upper lip and unladylike of you wiped it off with the back of your hand.

"So, how long have you known Alastor. I only know him for ten days." Taking another gulp of seltzer.

"Eh, a few years." He gave a guy his stiff drink before turning attention back onto me. "He's been talking about ya non stop and it's fucking annoying."

 I really don't see what's so interesting about me to talk to his friends about. "Oh, really. What about? I hope it's good things." Actually curious you leaned forward. From the way he treats you expect him to tell them that your doormat and easy to walk on.

"Fucking weirdo talks about courtin' ya and told him your just gonna scare the lass off." Your whole body froze. "Don't know if he actually doing it though. Is he?"

 Courting. You've never been courted before, maybe the occasional flirt from guy friends and wolf whistles from men walking down the street. But, letting someone become a candidate for marriage. To actual know that someone thought about you in that light made you feel special. No one wanted you in that way, to flirt or fuck yes, but you never gave into those whims. Most guys white or black didn't like your skin tone, but loved your body. A lot of women hated your body and skin tone they always mentioned it when talking behind your back.

"You don look black or white."

Your just the spectrum floating in between.

"So, you know how to play cards." Changing the subject entirely and pulling out his deck of cards.

"No, but my papa plays some poker with his friends. I always wanted to learn." He started shuffling the deck a smirk started to form across his face.

"I can see why he likes ya now." Sliding out cards like it was second nature and collected his bunch. "Ya gonna pick up your cards, so I can teach ya or what?"

 Quickly snatching up the cards you let Husk take the reigns. He taught you has much of his tricks he knows and the rules.

_____________________________________________

  Jolting out of thought Husker motioned towards the stage. Stacking the deck back into its rightful compartment. He put his pointer finger to his lips to tell me to keep quiet. Looking at the stage, Alastor stood front and center. People's attention solely on one man. Tapping his microphone he announced himself loud and proud, no mistakes.

 "Now let me introduce you to the one all of you love to hear. Who most of you are present to hear. Her voice could leave anyone entranced. Here we have Mimzy's the Miracle!"

 The audience clapping and shouting for Mimzy to come out. Deciding to join in on the fun you started clapping louder. Before, you knew it she stepped out on stage and some collared men whistled. Alastor stepped off stage, you couldn't really see from this angle where he was at.

(Using a song not of this period)

You had plenty money 1902

You let other women make a

Fool of you

Why don't you do right,

Like some other men do?

Get out of here and

Get me some money too

Your sitting here won drink

What it's all about

You ain't got no money

They will put you out

Why don't you do right,

Like some other men do?

Get out of here and

Get me some money too

If you had prepared

Twenty years ago

You would be a-wander'

From door to door

Why don't you do right,

Like some other men do?

Get out of here and

Get me some money too

Oooh oh ah

Why don't you do right,

Like some other men do?

Oooh ahhoh ah

 Claps ensued after even louder than the music from earlier. The grin on my face grew and my chest felt so, light and warm. I didn't even notice Alastor sitting next to me until he rested his arm around my waist pulling himself close to frame. Smiling up at him my heart skipped a beat just looking at his face.

 Thinking about the conversation from early with Husk my face heated up faster than a bullet cutting through air.

  While Mimzy was getting ready for another song. I looked up at Alastor who was already smiling done at me. My heart started pacing, no one has ever deemed you worthy for courting.

  Why are feeling this way now, you didn't like him a few hours ago and now you feel like throwing up rainbows.

 "What's on your mind, my darling (y/n)." The smirk on his face looks more appealing now. It's making your heart flutter. "Did you and Husker get along liked I hoped."

"Yes, we did, but he told me something that made me question your intentions with me." His smile faltered and he tensed up for just a few, short minutes. "Is it true you wanted to court me, Al."

 Staring directly at him, you witness his face go into freeze mode with a few blinks here and there.

 Bringing your hand up to touch him your wrist was caught within his hand. He squeezed your wrist with such constriction that you felt you whole hand go numb.

"My dear, what do you think this evening was for. Introducing you to my few friends is just the first steps of my courting ritual." His arm still around my waist he started dragging me out the club.

 Before, leaving you look behind to wave Husk off, surprised to get one back in return. Maybe you can be friends with these people after all.

Once you left out of earshot Husk groaned to himself and pulled on his face to relieve some stress.

"She should of stayed away from the bastard."

_____________________________________________

Stepping outside you realized how warm the club's inside was. The cool air making chills go up your spine. But, like this whole night Al pulled you over to his car.

 Opening the car door for you and, then situated himself in. Sitting in silence for a minute or two. He leaned over the into the passenger seat and gave the outside of your lips a kiss. A squeak of surprise exerted from your throat. Smirking to himself about the dumbfounded look on your face he went in to give your lips a kiss. Eyes still wide you tried to get into a more comfortable head tilt, before you finally found it.

 Smiling into the kiss you can feel his hand caressing your face. His lips feel dry and chapped, but you don't mind. This is probably the most intimate time you'll ever have with a man.

I just didn't know about the monster that was awaiting around the corner.

[mrsalwayswrite]

Aes Sídhe (Finan x Reader) Part 1

This is my first time writing for The Last Kingdom fandom! I have adored the show since it came out but have always been too nervous to try and write for it. This idea came to mind though and would not leave me alone...so here it is.

Can be read as reader or OFC since there is no real description given. 

I want to thank @geekandbooknerd​ and @medievalfangirl​ for your own amazing Finan writings. I am slightly embarrassed how many times I have gone back and reread them.  

In regards to the title: from my understanding (granted I could be very wrong), an aes sídhe is an Irish term for a supernatural race in Irish and Scottish mythology, similar to fairies and elves.

Warnings: None

Words:2k

PART 2

Finan rose from his spot near the campfire. The sun had not yet set but Uhtred decided to make camp early. Not that Finan was complaining. They had been riding hard for days, heading back to Wintanceaster with news for King Alfred. 

 "Where are you off to?"

 Finan glanced over at Osferth, who was laying on his side across from the campfire. "I'm going to wash my hands."

 "You'll need to wash more than your hands to not smell like a pig sty." 

 "Oi! What was that, baby monk?" Finan tossed his blanket at the lad, the others around the fire smiling. "Do not lament my absence too much!" He started walking towards the nearby creek, away from their campsite. 

 "What would we miss? Life is quieter without you."

 "I HEARD THAT, SIHTRIC!" 

The sound of laughter followed the Irishman as he carefully made his way down the steep bank to the creek. Only a few paces of rocky sand separated the creek from the steep bank, which surrounded and kept the creek easily hidden. The last of the sunlight peeked through the trees all around. The forest was quiet, the only noises were the bubbling creek and the distant sound of those still around the campfire. 

 They had decided to camp above and some paces from the creek. It would have been impossible to maneuver the horses down the steep banks and being camped above allowed them to stand watch unencumbered. The only downfall was having to carry water up for the horses. Yet having watched Osferth douse himself when he tripped was worth it. The memory still made Finan chuckle. 

 Dropping down the last part of the steep bank, he moved to the edge of the creek. The small rocks and sand gave way under his boots. He splashed the cool water over his face and hands then took a moment to watch the droplets fall from his beard back into the creek. If the water had been deeper, he would have stripped down to fully cleanse himself. Alas, it was too shallow but even just cleaning what he could felt refreshing from the dust and sweat of the road.  

 With a sigh, he allowed the memories he venomously ignored to come forth. This place, the creek bed and the trees, the stillness and the sunlight...it reminded him of a favorite spot from his childhood. Where his brother and himself would sneak away to go looking for faerie mounds or kelpies, much to their mother's dismay. A lighter time. An easier time...before betrayal. 

 Harshly, he shoved the memories back and closed the lid on them. It did no good to think about them. He was here now. He was happy here. Uhtred was a brother he was bonded to and would readily give his life for. Sihtric and even Osferth were like younger brothers he looked out for. Clapa was a good friend. It was better he was here. 

 A soft plop in the water made him look up. He knew it was most likely an animal coming to drink or a rock sliding to cause the sound but long years of being a warrior and always on alert forced him to constantly be aware of his surroundings. 

 What he saw forcibly drew the breath from his lungs in a gasp. 

 A woman knelt on a large stone, several paces away and across the creek from him. With one hand dipped in the water making slow circles, she watched the ripples as if lost in thought. Her hair was draped over one shoulder, a yellow kingcup flower tucked behind her ear. With her face exposed, her ethereal beauty was on full display for him to bare witness to. There was nothing about her that would not cause the darkest envy in other women and the strongest lust in all men. She was beauty incarnate. A creature not of this world. 

 He was unable to remove his eyes, nor move or call out, spellbound to only her. 

 Suddenly she looked up and locked eyes with him. A noose around his neck would have had less of a binding hold on him. Her eyes both pierced and soothed his soul. Her very being a vision that summoned him as a man possessed. Yet he could not move nor break her enchantment. They stared at one another; eyes locked from across the creek. 

 Ever so slowly she stood up and it was only then he took into account what she was wearing. A thin, white shift covered her, but with the fading sunlight behind her, it was almost transparent. Her outline and curves caressed by the fabric, an enticement and illusion. Never had he witnessed a woman more perfect. 

 "Are...are you alright, my lady?" His words broke the spell, his tongue finally recalled how to function. But as soon as the words were released, he would have given anything to return them. 

 After one slow blink of those captivating eyes, she fled. Moving as silently and quickly as a shadow, she jumped off the rock and hurried away on the other side of the creek. Neither rocks nor sticks hindered her bare feet. 

 "Wait!" He cried out, stumbling over himself as he gave chase. He ran opposite of her, trying to keep her in his sights lest she vanish and he awaken from this dream. 

 She followed a bend in the creek, darting between two trees that stood sentry on the edge. Uncaring of his clothing, he darted across the creek, the water only reaching mid-calf.  When he crossed over and rounded the bend, desperate for a glimpse of her, only the tranquil sight of the forest and creek lay before him. His eyes scoured everywhere, trying to catch a glimpse of her. There were no footprints his trained eyes could see, no markings that anyone had passed by. He scratched the back of his neck as he turned around once again, hoping he had missed something. 

 Yet there was nothing. She had vanished. 

 With a reluctant sigh, he turned to head back to camp. He had been gone long enough the others would question him. A bright spot of color amongst the dull colors of the rocks caught his eye. Moving closer he found a small bush of the kingcup flowers. Gently he stroked one of the many flowers' petals, remembering how they looked in her hair. On a whim, he plucked three and walked back to the stone she had knelt on. 

 "For you, aes sídhe." He whispered laying them down reverently. The bright yellow stood out on the gray stone, like the sun shining through on a cloudy day. 

 Looking around him once more, he crossed the creek and headed back towards camp. The further he walked, the more he began to question what he saw. A pinch to the arm proved he was not dreaming. Could it have been some kind of vision? He doubted that. He was not holy enough nor had enough drink to induce one. 

 "There he is!"

 "Thought you had finally drown."

 Finan threw himself on the ground next to his pack, ignoring the teasing of Osferth and Sihtric. He rubbed a hand over his beard and stared at the sky as the first few stars appeared in the sky. He could not get the image of her out of his head. So beautiful and pure. 

 A tickling in his ear brought his attention back to the present. He swatted at his ear and looked over to discover Uhtred next to him, a long blade of grass in hand and hovering over his head. 

 "What is bothering you?"

 Finan sat up, his arms over his knees. "Aes sídhe."

 "What?"

 "Nothin'. Thought I had seen somethin' at the water."

 Uhtred's brows furrowed slightly, trying to decipher his friend's meaning. "Well while you think, you have first watch. We drew straws earlier and you lost." He slapped Finan on the back. 

 "Sihtric rigged it."

 "Lies!" Sihtric threw a clump of dirt at a chuckling Osferth. "It was Fate that chose."

 "Why are you always throwing stuff at me?" Osferth whined, wiping the dirt mark off his robes. 

 "You deserve it."

 Uhtred spoke. "It would seem we need to work on your reflexes."

 "Yes, lord." Osferth sighed, eyes downcast. 

 "Don't worry, baby monk, I know what will help. We will take turns throwing knives at you. Eventually you'll dodge them."

 Osferth groaned. 

 With a clap on Uhtred's shoulder, Finan got up to settle against a tree nearby that offered a better spot for watching the camp and its surroundings. In truth he did not mind being on first watch tonight. With memories of her, clinging to him like summer's heat, he knew sleep would elude him. He tried to push the thoughts of her aside but to no avail. In truth he doubted he would ever be able to forget her. 

 ***

 The next morning, a rough kick to his back woke him. He groaned, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes as he sat up. 

 "I never thought you one for flowers, Finan." Sihtric said, walking to the other side of the camp. 

 "What?"

 Osferth piped up, head swiveling, looking from Finan to Sihtric. "Or perhaps it is from a special lady?"

 "What lady is around here besides the horses?" Sihtric snorted. 

 "Maybe it is a horse?"

 "What are ya fools talkin' about?" Finan eyed the smirks on the faces of those around him. His mind refused to fully abandon the land of dreams. There had been something... something on the edge of his consciousness but he could not recall it now. 

 "Behind you." Uhtred nodded towards Finan's pack. 

 Unsure, he looked to his pack on his other side…and froze. The kingcup flowers lay next to where his head had just been, but this time, a thin white strip of fabric bound the flowers together. Hesitantly he reached out and touched the flowers then fabric, in awe when he could feel their texture beneath his fingers.

 She was not a dream or vision. 

 Without warning he rose to his feet and scanned around him. He ignored the confused looks of his companions. Only on a second scan did he glimpse something. On further inspection, it was the slightest indent of footprints amongst the grasses. It was too small to be any of Uhtred's men. Plus, the blades were barely bent by whose feet stepped on them, they would have been easy to miss. 

 "Finan?"

 He realized he looked like a madman, first startled by flowers and searching for a sign around them. He stood up, arms crossed when he turned back. "Yes, lord?"

 "Something amiss?"

 He wondered if he should tell them. Their camp had been infiltrated and no one knew it. Yet as he opened his mouth, the words died on his tongue. 

 "No, I just...it must have been a dream."

 "If you say." The Dane-Slayer did not look like he fully believed his friend but would let it go this time. "We leave soon."

 Ignoring those around him, he knelt in front of his pack. Memories of her, still so sharp even after sleep, came forth unaided. He gently touched the white strip of cloth, reminiscent of her thin shift. Had she torn the strip from it?  Before the others could notice, he stuck the flowers in his pack and the cloth up his arm-guard.  

 He looked one last time towards the creek. "Go dtí go mbuailfimid le chéile arís, mo aes sídhe." (Until we meet again, my aes sídhe.)

 "WE RIDE!" Uhtred called then sent his horse into a canter, his men following him loyally. 

 Finan could not help one last glance over his shoulder. If he thought he caught a glimpse of a white shift and a form peeking out from between the trees, he could not prove it. He turned back to following the others. In his mind he prayed that this would not be the last time he saw her. 

[missdawnandherdusk]

A Guy Worth Getting Expelled For

Draco X Gryffindor!Reader

Part One    Part Two    Part Three    

Part Four     Part Five

Summary: So maybe you and Draco figured out that you don’t have to hate each other... but that about the rest of the school? 

A/N: Who is ReADy foR ThiS!? Because I promise you all, you’re not. It’s been one of my favorite parts so far but let me know what you think! I love you guys and your feedback so don’t be afraid to comment or reblog! (Also this is over 3k words because I have no self control anymore)

Tags: @un-limiteddd @geekysimmerthings @coffee-addicti @ilikestuffproductions @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @dolphincommander @bisexualbumblebeesstuff @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @jillanaholland @shookyungsoo @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @chaotic-good-gemini @memalfoy-spidey

The weekend passed, and due to final exams, I was holed up in my room most of the time. That’s what was nice about rooming with Hermione, I could cook my own food—the Muggle way—and she wouldn’t tell on me. Ramen was a lifesaver as we studied.

I hadn’t heard form Draco at all. Part of me wondered if he figured it out. The letter he wrote to me was getting worn form the amount of times that I unfolded and refolded it each time I reread his words.

The boys did coax us both down to dinner Sunday night, however. They weren’t quite convinced that I was fine and were still at my defense despite my change in mood and constant protests. In fact, it seemed like every Gryffindor in our year and then some were ready at my defense.

“Do you want us to sneak a doxy into his room?” Fred offered. “We’ll do it. Free of charge.” 

“No, I’m okay, really,”

“We could do it anyway,” George suggested.

“No,” I said firmly as we sat in the Great Hall.

Dinner came and passed, and I didn’t have to look over my shoulder for Draco because Ron and Harry were doing a great job of that already. There was no way I was going to be able to walk to Draco with this... protection squad hovering—and not listening to me when I said I was fine.

My heart did flutter as both Harry and Ron tensed, glaring at the door to the Hall. A smile found its way to my face as I turned, finding clam blue eyes.

“I’ll get him,” Harry said, getting up from the table and Ron following suit.

“Guys, wait, no!” I scrambled to get up, tripping over my robes before righting myself, a few paces behind them, Hermione at my heels.

The students who were in the Hall also noticed what was going on and all looked our way. Some stood to get a better look. This was going to get very bad very fast if someone didn’t do something. And, apparently, I had to be that someone.

“You have some nerve Malfoy!” Harry sneered, drawing his wand.

My adrenaline spiked as Draco kept his cool, keeping his eyes on me. I tried to tell him that this wasn’t my idea and that they didn’t know and that I would fix this, but maybe that was too much to tell him in one look.

I caught up to Harry and pushed past him. Turning and facing Harry—the same way that Draco had done for me against Pansy—I glared him down.

“What are you doing!?” I demanded. “I told you! It was fine!”

“But he hurt you! He deserves this!” Harry exclaimed.

“Pansy was the one who made me cry not Draco!” I laid out. “He... He protected me from her,”

Harry gaped at me and so did Ron, Hermione was beaming. There was a rumbling through the students who had gathered around us. Why did I keep finding myself in these situations?

“No way, I don’t believe it,” Harry hissed. “Malfoy would never, and not for you.”

“And how would you know!?” I demanded. “You’re so absorbed in yourself that you never stop to look, or think, or ask questions!”

“So now you’re taking his side!?” Harry fumbled.

I scoffed and threw my hands up in exasperation.

“Why does there have to be sides!? Why do we have to fight!?” 

“He’s a Slytherin!”

“Great! And I’m a Pisces! What does it matter!” I annunciated each word, taking a few calming breaths. “He deserves to be helped and loved as much as you do Harry,” My voice was barely audible.

Now Harry was glaring me down, his anger shifting from Draco to me, which was fine, I could handle Harry easy—Golden Boy or not.

There was a hand on my shoulder.

I turned, meeting Draco’s eyes.

“I’m not worth this.” He murmured softly. “Don’t... not because of me.”

He was so close now. I could feel the fear and desperation almost tangibly as he pleaded with me to back down, and maybe that broke me more. For him to think that he wasn’t worth saving. That he wasn’t worth fighting for.

“Did you figure it out?” I asked softly, completely ignoring Harry and the others behind me. Draco held my focus now. “Who sent me the letter and who I told my mother about?”

He nodded and looked down. How could he know that he was the one that I had chosen, and he still didn’t think it was right for me to fight for him?

“What? Is Malfoy jealous over who you’re crushing on?” Ron jeered and the crowd snickered.

Draco turned red, gritting his teeth, I saw his hand reach for his wand, but I beat him to it and drew mine. Spinning around, almost hissing at Ron, everyone backed away from me, sensing the danger I assumed.

“I don’t think he can be jealous,” I snapped, tilting my chin back. “But the rest of you can,”

Without much thought or time in the moments between, I grabbed Draco’s hand and pulled him closer. I met his eyes for an instant, and I could see and feel the coolness of a lake, the refreshing wave of the ocean. There was an electric current between us.

I brought my hand to cup his face ever so gently—grimacing when he flinched as if I was going to hit him—and quickly pressed my lips to his. He froze under my touch but relaxed almost instantly, which was a bit shocking, but comforting. His hands rested on my waist and he pulled me a step closer.

His lips were soft and hesitant on mine. The electric current didn’t wane, instead it seemed to be stronger than before. It was better than what any potion could offer, or spell could conjure.

I had to pull away in fear that I might spend all night kissing him.

The situation around us settled back in, and though neither of us could keep the smiles off our faces it was Draco who spoke before I could.

“If anyone has anything they’d like to say, you’ll answer to both of us,” There was smugness and pride in his voice as he said ‘us.’

I couldn’t lie, I liked it too.

The crowd broke out into mutters and whispers, some of which were encouraging, some baffled, and some downright cruel—most of which came from either Gryffindor or Slytherin. My hand found Draco’s as an anchor in the midst of it all, not sure what was coming next.

Harry stormed off and Ron gave an apologetic look before going after him and Hermione followed suit. As much as I was alright on standing on my own, their absence hurt.

“Mr. Malfoy! Miss Lupine! My office! Now!” It was McGonagall.

My heart sank as the students scattered in fear of also getting in trouble for something that they may or may not have done. It left Draco and me alone walking to McGonagall’s office under her gaze. Somewhere along the way Snape caught up to us, and to my surprise, Dumbledore.

I gave Draco an apologetic look, but his face was a mask of calm and indifference—courage in the face of danger. I followed his lead as we sat in McGonagall’s office as the three discussed what to do with us outside the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was me? When we were on the stairs?” He asked softly.

I shrugged.

“I don’t think I was ready,” I admitted. “It was... a hard day.”

“Sorry again,” He mumbled sheepishly.

We sat side by side together, waiting for whatever was about to happen. I feared for the worst and I could tell do did Draco. The memory of his lips on mine however, kept me somewhat same and comforted.

“I’m sorry I dragged you into all of this,” I whispered. “This is all my fault,” 

“No, it’s not Y/n. You know that,” He argued. “I had a good part in it too.”

“I should have just left it alone,” Tears were in my eyes as I started to realize the gravity of the situation.

“No,” He said firmly, catching my eyes. “You’re right, this has gone on too long.”

Again, his hand slipped into mine and I felt grounded. It was odd, finding comfort in someone that I had hated only a few months ago.

The three Professors came down and we dropped our hands quickly, as we both looked down.

“It has come to our attention that you two have caused quite a bit of trouble,” Dumbledore began.

“Please, sir. It was me. Not her.” Draco stood, taking a small step in front of me.

Shock flitted across the faces of the professors, and mine. I didn’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t that.

“No, it was me. I’m the one who kissed him and provoked Harry.” I stood next to him, almost pushing him out of the way. “Whatever punishment... I’ll take it in full... even if that means expulsion.” My voice wavered as the words slipped out.

“Y/n,” Draco protested and turned to me.

“Your dad will kill you in you get in trouble because of me,” I argued. “And... I can’t let that happen. So... please, Draco,”

I didn’t know what I was asking for exactly, but I knew that if his father found out... he’d be in worse trouble than whatever the school could come up with.

“No, forget about my father. I don’t care what he thinks. You’re not talking all the fault. I won’t let you,”

I bit my lip, thousands of words wanting to escape them just as the tears that threatened to fall. Why hadn’t I seen this in him before? Why hadn’t anyone?

Draco Malfoy could be good. He could be selfless. He could be loved.

“If I may,” Dumbledore began again. “Neither of you are in trouble nor are you getting expelled.”

“What?” We both snapped, turning to the three professors.

Hope fluttered in my chest, that maybe once we would both be okay. That we could both make it out of here.

_______________________

Out in the hall...

“Has it happened?” Dumbledore asked. “The legacy?”

“Yes,” McGonagall confirmed. “I got a letter from her mother early Saturday to keep an eye out, and I saw it tonight at dinner.”

“You believe that these two are the ones to end the feud?” Snape asked cautiously.

“Something much darker than us all is coming Severus,” Dumbledore sighed. “And they might be the ones we need to stop it.”

“But I don’t understand why stopping an old family feud solves anything.” Snape hissed.

“Because it’s not a family feud, it’s a house feud and always has been. For too long Slytherin and Gryffindor have been pitched against one another unhealthily and perhaps this can right what has been wrong for so long,” McGonagall noted hopefully.

............................

“Miss Lupine, you should be expecting a letter from your mother soon. I suggest you both read it together and decide for yourselves whether you want to accept what is in it or not.” Dumbledore explained.

“What kind of letter?” I prompted and McGonagall gave me a scolding look as Dumbledore simply smile.

“Oh, you are so much like your mother,” His eyes twinkled. “Give her my best and please remember, each of you are more than a name,”

_________________________

Draco walked down the hall with you beside him. He couldn’t think of a thing to say. There were too many to say. There was too much to talk about and it was driving him mad that you were lost in thought.

“Any ideas on where to go? To read the letter?” You finally spoke.

Your voice sounded unsure and afraid, with a nervousness that came with expectation. He had never heard you speak like that. You were always so sure of yourself—courageous, like any proper Gryffindor.

But now, your eyes filled with tears and worry. Your arms were crossed across your chest, as if they had the ability to keep you together if you held on tight enough. He knew that you never showed anyone this side of you—not even that Mudb- your friend Hermione. Because he never showed anyone either.

“Come with me,” He said, not giving anything away and led you through the castle wordlessly.

You followed him without a protest, a quip, snide remark, or question. And he couldn’t lie, it was nice; it worried him too, being afraid wasn’t in your nature.

Taking a sharp right, he paused, opening the door for you. You quirked an eyebrow and a teasing smile. You knew where he led you and it amused you, he could see it in your features. That was the you he knew.

You ascended the staircase and through the trapdoor with him at your heels. You faltered one and he caught you easily—knowing it would happen: it was the reason he had made you go before him—your cheeks turning a deep red as you quickened your pace.

Alone in the Astronomy Tower, Draco saw a small screech owl awaiting the two of you, letter attached. It was the same owl who had given him your letter all those nights ago, it must be yours.

You didn’t go to the owl—even though it chirped at you annoyed. Instead, you went to the window and stared at what he did almost every night that he couldn’t sleep: the stars blanketed over the mountain range and the lake as night consumed the world around them.

Knowing that you would want to gaze for some time, he took the letter for the owl and shooed it off, but it remained.

“I’ll give you something later Penelope, thank you,” You cooed softly stroking the birds head gently before it flew off.

Unsure of his actions, Draco stood close beside you, watching the night unfold with you. Your hand found his and his thoughts about what needed to be answered or what the letter held paused. Your warmth invited him in, lured him to be still and just... feel.

“I’m scared,” The confession left your lips. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for my mother to tell me what this fight was all about and now...” You turned to him, true despair on your face.

“Whatever it is, we do it together,” He murmured, “Remember, we get to choose if we want to accept it or not,”

“But don’t we have to?” Your thoughts mirrored his: he had expectations to live up to and he wanted to prove himself to his father and his family.

“We’ll see,” He reached up and stroked your face softly.

You pursed your lips as he offered you the letter. You took it and with one last hopeless look to him you opened it and read it aloud:

~

My dearest Y/n, and charming Draco,

I hope this letter finds you both well. I have written to each of your House Heads letting them know to give you time to read this together if fate allows.

Y/n, my darling, please stop your fretting, I can feel it from here. You are alright no matter what you choose, but I do hope you choose the path of love.

Draco, hello, we haven’t met formally, but I must thank you for standing up for my daughter against one of your own house. It was a brave and kind thing to do and you have my deepest respect.

Now, about the feud. I know you have asked many times what it has always been about and perhaps it is time to finally tell you:

Our families have always been intertwined in the fate of the wizarding world as pure-blood families. Long ago, it was said that one of Lupine and one of Malfoy decent would be the ones to mend the rift between pure-bloods and muggle-born.

You can see why this caused such a feud. I’m sure even now Mr. Draco you are thinking that this is preposterous, and perhaps you as well my child. For how can two pure-bloods whom hate another possible med anything?

Well, no one knows. And no one wanted to know either. The Malfoy’s were always against muggle-born and swore vengeance on them all. The Lupine’s have always been proud and swore to never fraternize with a Malfoy. Centuries and generations passed, and our stories have been twisted and distorted to what you know today.

I did try my love to keep you away as best I could from it, but some things are very deep rooted, and I am sorry that I failed you. But now it comes to you two.

From what I have heard from you my darling, it sounds as if Mr. Draco may be the one you were meant for. It was once called Consentire Animi Pace—an old thought that souls reached for another to bring harmony in the world around them through magic.

I am not forcing this upon either you, nor am I making assumptions. I would just like you both to know that it does exist and not to deny that it does and that it may be what our Antiqui were speaking of when the legacy was given.

My darling Y/n, I am proud of you no matter your choice and I love you without a doubt. I am proud of your achievements and your courage to reach out to someone you had no reason to reach out to.

My dear Draco, I am proud of you no matter your choice and I extend my love to you as well. I know that your parents are not as forgiving when it comes to family names as I am. You will have a home in our family—whether that be Y/n and I or the entire family if they decide to stop being so... Anyway. I am proud of you as well and for what you have done. You had no reason to protect my daughter and you did and I am proud of you on that fact alone. You have truly exceeded your expectations, whether your father sees that or not.

Don’t not be afraid of what is before you nor the choices that you must make. It is not about the right choice; it is about the righteous one—the one made with the right heart. It is easier to correct ignorance rather than disobedience.

My love goes to you both, both of you write me back please. 

Love, Magdalene Lupine

~

.

.

Part 7

[moderndaygaang]

tagged by @praetorqueenreyna woohooooooo

To see the fics I’m talking about, here’s my ao3 ! (I’m including a WIP or two in this that i am THIS CLOSE to being done with and plan on posting before the year is out and I don’t have much else 🤷‍♀️)

Which Of Your Fics...

Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got: HONESTLY I was expecting “Hit And Run” to get more hits. It got way more genuine love in the comments than I ever expected from the people who did read it (including so many writers I admire *swoon*) so who cares, truly! I just forget how few people actually ship zutaraang.

Is your funniest: i actually think my korrasami WIP is very funny but that’s because i think Korra has a good sense of humor and her banter with Bolin is like the first half of the fic lmao. Out of my published stuff I would say “Better Left Unsaid” is more consistently funny throughout, but i did actually laugh out loud writing “Hit And Run” because of the ending!

Is your darkest/angstiest: none of my published/complete work because it’s not quite my style, but I have a Rangshi WIP that will be posted soon that is quite angsty and depressing feat. What if Rangi and Kyoshi didn’t get together and Rangi fucked with Kyoshi’s emotions because of her internalized homophobia ???? why am i writing it? Good question.

Is your absolute favorite: i love all my children equally i refuse to answer this (i actually just can’t decide)

Is your least favorite: mmm probably my most recent one “watch it spin”, which is actually not ATLA but a SPOP fic focused on Catra and Perfuma becoming friends (a big hc of mine) and getting high together (based off some funny fan art). I only say it’s my least fave because it’s not my best work, but it is very niche and self-indulgent and I’m glad it’s in the universe for my own sake!

Was the easiest to write: “Better Left Unsaid”! That one only took a couple of hours. Started as just a warm up for something else and then I was like ‘oh this is cute’ :)

Was the hardest to write: “Wanna Follow Your Voice...”! It was the first fic I had written in YEARS, first for ATLA, and I had never done anything with chapters before. I spent a lot of time on it! Just figuring out the pacing and the events I wanted to include and trying to maintain a consistent tone over time was not easy.

Has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph (share it): gosh this is so hard!!!! I have favorites from all of them. I really was proud of how in “Wanna Follow Your Voice” zuko connects flashes from his dreams to his actual interactions with Aang (too much to share here). But have this bit from “Hit And Run” because it’s peak romcom imo —

Before even Aang can react, heat bursts from Zuko’s finger tips, lighting the poor, unassuming bartender’s beard on fire.

“Shit,” Zuko mutters, and jumps up. The bartender is screaming now, haplessly batting at his own chest to try and stop the flames from spreading.

Katara reacts in time with Zuko, pulling him towards the door while the other customers around him clamor to help the bartender, Rin and Aang included.

Zuko takes the opportunity to grab Aang’s wrist, dragging him away from the scene.

Luckily, no one realized where the flame came from, so their timely exit goes unnoticed. By the time Rin stops and looks for ‘Lee’, they’re already out the door and scaling the building next door to get out of sight.

When they reach the rooftop, they all collapse on their backs and catch their breath. Aang pulls off his bandana and wipes it across his brow.

“Well that’s one way to claim your territory,” Aang grinned. The three of them burst out laughing simultaneously.

When their laughter settles, Katara shoves Aang’s shoulder.

“Hey, you’re a little too good at charming the pants off of our enemies. Tone it down a notch next time.”

“I can’t help that the people love me.” He throws his hands up in resignation, drawing out another laugh from Zuko and Katara.

“I have to say Zuko,” Aang starts as he sits up, leaning back on his hands. “You must really love me if you’re willing to set someone on fire out of jealousy.”

Zuko covers his face with his hands, and an embarrassed groan pushes past his lips before he can stop it. “I didn’t mean to set anyone on fire!” he exclaims.

Have you reread the most: “hit and run” but only because people left the most kind and detailed comments about stuff that I genuinely forgot I put in there so I would go back to refresh my own memory LOL

Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time: “Better Left Unsaid”, most likely. It’s short and simple, lighthearted, not too shippy, but still captures my writing style well I think.

Are you most proud of: mmmm “Hit And Run” because I really like the way it turned out. It required the most ‘world building’ (so to speak) which is really not something I feel confident doing, but I think I did well with it! Plus it has an OC who I actually loved creating and would totally write about again.

So fun. Gunna tag @kuchee @jaystrifes and @flerkenkiddingme to do this ♥️🥰

[sunnynoki]

Goodbye to Halos - How Fenic (The Main Protagonist) is Fenic (The Lost Princess)

Ok y’all buckle up because it’s about to be a wild ride.

FIRST OFF: READ GOODBYE TO HALOS. It has incredibly good writing and art and characterization!!! Fenic, the main protag, is a trans lesbian!! The other protags include (but are not limited to) a genderqueer gay lion and a poly wlw! I’ll post a link in the notes so this post shows up in tags, but a search of “Goodbye to Halos” will get you there in the first link!

Also cred to @demi-virgo​ for encouraging me to make this ;w;

Ok so I don’t know how to format this so let’s just start from the first hint and go from there.

And one more important note: Current Fenic will be referred to as just Fenic, and her mom will be referred to as The Lost Princess.

HINT ONE: THE MAAVE

So maave’s are, as a refresher, the mark under a Shade’s eye. They are a unifying trait of the shades (Along with horns and magic, but less so as they aren’t retained in children of Shades and Wildren, but I digress). But there are also "no two alike in form and color”, as Enae put it.

Which is WEIRD because 

Yeah. Impossible. UNLESS... THE LOST PRINCESS AND FENIC ARE THE SAME PERSON! And not in an amnesia kinda way, but in a restarting life kinda way. But we’ll get to that. 

Addendum: 

The wording of “you are very, very closely related to The Lost Princess” is weird when Enae already knows that Fenic is the lost princess’s daughter. Also the rest of this page speaks for itself I think. “Lost princess was immortal”, “There’s no other Fenics” (especially Fenics with that maave and other traits like red hair). This establishes that Fenic and the Lost Princess look similar, if not alike/identical. This will be essential in hint three.

Continued under the cut because I got a loooooottttt more ;3

HINT TWO: GOD’S BLESSING

So as the fight continues, God Herself literally steps in. Well, an avatar of Her’s, later named a Godeye.

God intercepted the knife from hitting Fenic. I won’t post the entire scene here, but basically God shoots the knife at Enae, wounding her BAD. But as God goes to send another attack, Fenic comes in and stands between the two. And then She freaks out????

Now maybe God isn’t a god, but God is just Her name? Also interesting is how She is the only one to use lower case, and only when She says “I”. But that’s another post, as I digress...

God Herself is asking forgiveness from Fenic? After Fenic asked (with her actions” for God not to attack Enae? Enae later talks about this in the following chapter:

“And that girl... blessed by God, she’s the only other one who can sway Her heart. Fenic...”

And who else was blessed by God? The Lost Princess. Before this, Fenic has had no reason to be blessed by god besides being related to the (immortal, may i remind you) lost princess who "died” before Fenic can remember. 

(Also another digression... the only other one? Who is the one Fenic is the “other one” off of? Maybe The Dead Princess? Maybe the old empress? Both are dead, but it’s phrased that she’s one of two, and coming off this theory, perhaps she and The Dead Princess pair up to be the two that can sway God’s heart.)

HINT THREE: ASHER AND TAHMONAI

So their meeting has a ton of different sentences that lead towards this theory, so I’m just going to group them all here. (Note: Enae is narrating and Asher and Tahmonai are talking about The Lost Princess. Tahmonai morphed to The Lost Princess to ask if Asher has seen her.)

“The person you’re looking for... she doesn’t exist anymore” and “That, too was-- somehow -- not true” and “[The Lost Princess] is really immortal too”... these statements don’t have a lot of intersections in the venn diagram of where they can all be true. The only fact that I can think of that does make them true is that Fenic is the rebirth of The Lost Princess. Continuing onto the next page...

There’s a lot to break down here:

“She... was a dear friend of mine.” Meaning The Lost Princess was a friend, not a romantic interest with whom he would have a child with.

“Someone I was lucky enough to know all my life, even if she only knew me for a fraction of her’s.” Implying that The Lost Princess was MUCH older than Asher. Immortality, anyone?

“But there are... circumstances now. Nothing will come of this, Tahmonai.” If this theory is true, then those circumstances are that The Lost Princess doesn’t have her memories, she restarted her life. She isn’t the same person. It clicks.

“Stay in my office. I’ll make arrangements.” Implying he is going to see The Lost Princess to arrange a sort of meeting. But instead he goes to Fenic to send her through the portal. Funny writing there, don’t you think?

After Asher sends Fenic through the portal...

“Did I do the right thing, old friend...?” The name “old friend” is being used here to denote he’s talking about The Lost Princess. Perhaps where she/her reborn self just went through the portal?

“I have to believe this is what you wanted.” (The word “wanted” can be seen if you zoom in close, at least at full resolution). Keyword: “this”. Not “that”. “This” means something that is near, something that was just there. Why would he use “this” for something from someone who is dead? No, what if she, or a version of herself, was just there? And what exactly she, The Lost Princess, wanted? We’ll get to that in hint five.

TO THE NEXT PAGE!

PROBABLY THE HEAVIEST PAGE OF THEM ALL

“I already told you the person you’re looking for doesn’t exist anymore.” Not died, “doesn’t exist anymore.” Specific choice of words!

“Not in a way that’s useful to you.” As in she no longer has her memories, perhaps? That she’s currently a 15 year old? 

“And before she left, she told me...” Before she LEFT. Not died! LEFT!

“That she didn’t want her past to haunt her anymore.” THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT IN HINT FIVE.

“She started over.” BAM. PROBABLY THE CORNERSTONE OF THIS THEORY. Combine these three words with the rest of the theory, and you get the conclusion that “starting over” means something along the lines of reincarnation. But I’ll get to the reincarnation bit later. 

SO THATS ALL UP TO WHERE THE COMIC IS RIGHT NOW! BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE REREAD?

HINT FOUR: FENIC AS A NAME

Now this one is a little shorter but in the prologue we see Fenic name herself for the first time.

After being called a lady, she sorta panics as, like, what’s she gonna do, give her a boy’s name when she’s a girl and just been called that? And her first instinct is to go with her mother’s name. Like, sure, maybe it’s because she think’s “girl’s name go” and the girl/woman/female closest to her is her mom. But I like to think it’s an instinct to keep the same name. It could be read either way, but I feel like it was worth mentioning. 

ALONG WITH A BONUS THEORY. The Lost Princess is trans. I’ve been thinking about how The Lost Princess would restart, and seeing how the maave is the same, the body is likely the same as well, implying a restart like that of a phoenix. Sorta. Meaning that the AGAB is the same. Maybe Asher didn’t know if restarting life would retain trans-ness or w/e OR he didn’t know The Lost Princess was trans. Either way he went with AGAB, clearly. I like to think that The Lost Princess spent a lot of time thinking about her name so it’s really ingrained in her so that it’s an instinct to be called Fenic :]

HINT FIVE: WHY?

So. That mystery chapter huh? Here’s a proposal- who we see is The Lost Princess.

Think about it, the person we see doesn’t have horns or some sort of tail or animal ears, eliminating someone who is purely Shade or Wildren. This leaves Fenic, The Dead Princess, or The Lost Princess, all born of both species. The hair doesn’t match The Dead Princess’s hair, so that eliminates her. 

This leaves the Fenics, whose hair DO match, assuming The Lost Princess and Fenic have the same hair texture, which in the frame of what has been discussed, it does. 

NOW THIS PAGE

Feels like a reason to be reborn to me.

Granted, this chapter, LITERALLY TITLED “premonition” and the names at the beginning could EASILY be shortened for Clairissa and Enae, who would’ve been only babies or unborn when The Lost Princess was around. This is VERY likely in the future, with Fenic. But I only realized this after I started referring to it earlier in the post, so no going back. 

But maybe it’s salvageable. Maybe Fenic is having the same thoughts as The Lost Princess. The Lost Princess, as stated in hint three, didn’t want the past to haunt her anymore. So she chose to forget in a new life, reborn. 

Maybe Fenic is thinking about following in her mother’s footsteps.

This premonition chapter, along with the whole other conspiracy board of “What’s up with Salin (The Dead Princess) and Tahmonai?”, have me very concerned for the future. 

Afterword

Thank you so much for getting this far ;w; I hope and pray that I made literally any sense. As I was collecting pages to put in here, I noticed that this is quite a common theory if the comment section of the pages is anything to go by. I thought so too before all this, so I didn’t really want to put the effort into a post, but Virgo encouraged me to make it anyway sooooo 

Either way, this can still work as a collection of evidence, and an archive on our, or at least my, thoughts on “What’s up with the Fenics” question! Hopefully later down the line we can look at this and be like, “called it!” or, “honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.” 

I could go on about the implications of this theory, but that’s another post of this length tbhhhhhhhhh and also its uh. 12am LOL.

Please reblog this to spread the theory! Even if it’s common, spread it to convince people to read gth? :pleading: I spent like. 2-3 hours on this to try to get my wording right and cohesive, which is really hard for me as I’m very much more an artist than a writer haaaaaaaaa

Thank you so much for reading again! Good morning, good afternoon, good night <3

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

Do you have any rec list with bonds, forced or not between drarry From soulmate bond to magical link, whatever really

OH BOY DO I. This is one of my favorite tropes, and this list (which I made on a whim upon seeing a facebook post about bonding) barely scratches the surface of all the amazing related fics! Enjoy

The Destiny You Sold by @tryslora (59K)- In which Draco knits, Harry makes wands, and things get very tangled up between them.HONESTLY just the memory of this fic is so happy and healing that I’m almost certainly going to reread it a third time within the next week there’s KNITTING!!! But also D/S dynamics and shop-owning and tons of wonderful amazingness

For The Greater Good by @jadepresley (62K)- When Harry and Draco discover they’ve been bonded to one another, neither one of them is prepared for the secrets they slowly begin to uncover. Together, they learn that they can’t escape their past, or the things that have been left hidden there, and that sometimes the only way to move forward is to look back.This fic has SO MANY GREAT THINGS! I started to type them all out but then realized y’all probably don’t want a ton of spoilers and the way the plot of this fic unfolds and everything comes together is just masterful and enthralling and full of surprises!

Lift Your Open Hand by @firethesound (18.5K)- With Draco Malfoy as his assigned partner for the next six weeks of Auror training, Harry had been prepared for things to go poorly. But getting themselves accidentally bonded to each other in the first twenty minutes of their very first assignment seemed going above and beyond, even for them.I love love love this fic! It’s got sort-of bumbling Auror partners!Drarry who get into trouble first thing and then COVER IT UP like a pair of adorable idiots and of course they’re like this will be FINE until it’s not fine and everybody’s in love and Nick Cage is there for some reason and the reader is grinning like a loon

Twice as Much as an Earthquake by @firethesound (18.5K)- Accidental bonding. Breaking and entering. Conspiring, however unwillingly, in the strange one-man war Malfoy’s waging against detention. This isn’t the normal school year Harry anticipated having, but at least it’s not boring.I read this so long ago it is DEFINITELY time for a re-read because all I remember is feeling a great sense of mischief and joy, and like that’s everything we all need in our lives right now. 

Unexpected Consequences by lauren3210 (39K)- Harry was going back to school. He was going to play Quidditch, sleep in lessons, hang out with his friends, and generally just enjoy being a kid for a change. And he was also going to do it while being bonded with Malfoy, because apparently life was just going to continue throwing curveballs at him. Harry didn’t know why he expected anything different.This is one of the earliest drarry fics I read (possibly the first eighth year one?) and I have adored it ever sense! It has a wonderful premise, great exploration of issues of consent with a power imbalance, and all your standard amazing bonding tropes– especially roommates!! And Harry being Draco’s protector! OH AND it was written to go with “that picture” (you know the one) and so has an amazing dark mark removal scene that I’ll never forget!

In Evidence of Magical Theory by @bixgirl1​ (43.5K)- When a hex meant for Draco accidentally catches Harry as well, they’re forced to learn to understand each other in ways they previously might have thought impossible.In which Harry and Draco can’t fight, so they fall in love instead.OKAY I REMEMBER when I read this fic and was like WHO IS THIS RANDOM AMAZING WRITER??? because it was her first fic and now she’s one of the greats but damn this fic is still a testament to some of the things bix does best and is a must-read!!! Magical theory! Eighth year! Room sharing! BED SHARING! Her first drarry rimming scene!!! (Aww

Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl (60.5K)- When the war isn’t quite as over as it first appears, a guilt-ridden Harry is sent to a mysterious safe-house. Among sandwiches, insomnia, and Mills & Boon, he discovers something quite unexpected. Like every single Saras_Girl fic ever, this fic is a true gem. It’s a relatively simple setting (seeing as they’re stuck in a house) but so realistic and subtle and evocative. The bonding in this fic is more physical than emotional, which is not only an interesting change of pace but also makes for many truly wonderful and embarrassing moments :D

The Comfort of Tea by Omi_Ohmy (20.5K)- A lawn mower, a pertly pink todger, endless cups of tea and a few sly grins. Oh yes, and Harry is cursed to temporarily bond to anyone he gets close to; for some reason that person ends up being Draco, more often than not…OKAY usually bonding fics are all angsty and pining-y, but this one is just fucking ADORABLE and fluffy and warm and cute and it will make you happy!!!!

Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104.5K)-  Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.This fic was like a revelation when I read it because it was so. damn. good!!! One of my favorite fics of all time and a VERY refreshing take on the veela!Draco trope. Draco is the most hilarious, snarky, relatable narrator and the story is full of pining and tons of entertaining incidents and it’s just a perfect (and long, bless us all!) fic!

Bond by AnnaFugazzi (173.5)- I started to write this before HBP came out, and crossed my fingers that HBP wouldn’t make it totally non-canon. No such luck, I’m afraid. This, therefore, is an AU story, where (SPOILER) still teaches (SPOILER), (SPOILER) didn’t try to (SPOILER), (SPOILER) didn’t succeed in (SPOILER), (SPOILER) never dated (SPOILER), and most importantly, (MAJOR ENDING SPOILERS) never happened.This is like… the OG drarry bonding fic. An absolute classic, for very good reason! Warning for pressure to be intimate because of the bond.

Timeshare by @astolat (14K)- “It’s not for long,” Hermione said. “By the time we get back to Hogwarts, the Unfettering Brew will be ready.”“Listen to you!” Ron said. “He’s got to get through a month with the Dursleys and a month at Malfoy Manor. With Draco Malfoy.”“Yeah, thanks,” Harry said, because he hadn’t just spent the last week contemplating just how much more horrible his summer holidays were about to be than they’d ever been before.My favorite part about this fic is the sweet sweet satisfaction of Draco meeting the Dursleys and being VERY Malfoy about it. But there are also a lot of touching moments of Harry and Draco figuring each other out and learning to respect each other as well.

Dear Uncle Plume by @eidheann (16.5K)- Life after war is nothing like Draco expected. He only hopes he’ll survive it. Especially when his friends are less than sympathetic.OKAY BUT AGONY AUNT DRACO. That’s literally all that needs to be said and if that isn’t enticing to you then who even are you. Also contains great Slytherin friendships, struggling Draco, and secret relationship -> mpreg -> bond -> angst drama

The Sleeping Beauty Curse by who_la_hoop (152.5K)- When Draco Malfoy falls into a cursed sleep and can only be woken – at least, according to the Daily Prophet, that impeccable source of truth – by ‘true love’s kiss’, Harry Potter knows there’s no way on earth he’s the answer to this particular riddle. Is he …?This is a FABULOUS fic, completely hilarious and touching and full of all your favorite tropes, and SO LONG!!! Hours and hours of pure enjoyment :D

The Arrangement by create_serenity (Sivany) (16K)- The arrangement was very simple really, and very convenient. Draco just hadn’t expected it to result in this mess.So veela!Harry and veela!Draco have a deal in which they casually help each other out (with sex, in case that wasn’t obvious) while they search for their true mates, and OF COURSE you know what happens next and honestly what a brilliant idea

Before the World Was Made by daftfear (43K)- Draco has done everything in his power to leave the past behind him. He’s established himself a successful business and built a reputation around the quality of his work and the breadth of his knowledge. But when aurors show up at his shop one afternoon, seeking his expertise on a peculiar item of questionable origins, they completely overthrow the precarious balance in Draco’s life. Trust Potter to bring danger and destruction in his wake, along with a painful reminder of all the things Draco is trying to forget.WHAT BETTER to bond our two boys together than a cursed (wedding!!) ring, right?? Also I love any and all fics with antique shop owner!Draco, and lots of exploration of wizarding history and traditions, and this one does both things so well

Hungry by birdsofshore (24K)- The first thing Harry knew about it was when he woke up lying on a bed in the hospital wing, with his arm firmly stuck to the scrawny, milk-white arm of Draco bloody Malfoy.Another classing must-read bonding fic!!! This time featuring drarry as enemies with their arms literally stuck together in eighth year. AS GOOD AS IT COULD GET. One of my favorite enemies-to-lovers fics AND one of my favorite eighth year fics!

[thewhumperinwhite]

FBI AU: Father

Previous: Rescue / Interrogation / Awkward / Painkillers

This brings us up to speed with what I’ve already written for FBI AU, which means I’ll have to establish an Actual Posting Schedule where I post my stories more evenly again lmao

@whumpitywhumpwhump

TW for: implied/referenced child abuse; referenced noncon; Cops,; drugs/coming down off drugs/refusing pain meds;Rona in general, who is I maintain is Basically Good but whose brain is still uh.... a terrifying nature documentary; also Art in general which means references to suicidal ideation and just...…. generally discounting his own trauma.

Continues directly from Painkillers but if you don’t wanna reread: Art tells Simon not to let his dad into his hospital room and says “he killed my brother”; Simon passes this information on to Rona, along with the file on Art’s brother’s “accidental death;” she’s a bit skeptical.

Rona does, though this is information that doesn’t ever need to make its way to Simon’s ears, read the file. It’s suspicious, she guesses, but not as open and shut as Simon seems to think. It sounds like the senator and the kid were alone in the house; any court case would be about proving intent, which is a messy business she has absolutely no interest in bothering with. It might be possible--maybe--to prove Heinrich Senior pushed his kid down the stairs; even given that there’s absolutely no way to prove he did it with the intention of killing him. You could maybe offer a history of serious physical abuse as evidence, but the actual victim of the abuse is too dead to testify about it. 

No, obviously what convinced Simon was the way the kid said it, and Rona--gets that. Simon’s shot a few cult leaders, and threatened a few more into surrendering, but he’s never carried a bleeding teenager out of a building before. That gets in your head, gets your, like, evolutionary mom-instincts all tangled up inside you. Rona still keeps track of a couple of kids she pulled out of drug dens, when she was younger. You get over it after a while; bad things happen to a lot of people, you can’t take care of them all. Trying doesn’t do anything but make you worse at your job.

“Heinrich Lange,” a terse voice is saying to the receptionist. “I’m here for my son.”

Rona’s head snaps up from the trashy magazine she’s been reading. She’s been sitting in the front reception waiting area for twenty minutes because she’s avoiding Simon, who is stalking the halls looking annoyed, and Farah, who may or may not be in her missing son’s hospital room, because she may also be where they’re holding her missing daughter for questioning.

“I have a personal physician at a facility upstate,” the voice is saying. “I want him transferred. Start the paperwork now.”

Rona looks at Senator Heinrich Lange and knows immediately that he pushed his youngest son down the stairs of his upscale townhouse. His intent in doing so seems kind of immaterial at this point. She’s on her feet before she’s consciously processed the decision to get up.

“You can’t have him,” Rona says flatly at Heinrich Lange’s back.

Heinrich Lange turns sharply, and does the old-white-man version of the double take everyone does on first seeing her. He’s taller than her, but that never really matters.

“Who the hell are you,” Heinrich Lange says. He isn’t really what she’s expecting--she’d expected the slimy kind of abusive father, the kind who donates to charity with the same hand he uses to touch his kids. Heinrich Lange Senior looks more like the good old-fashioned kind that hits his kids in public and expects you to be too scared to say anything. Rona smiles, letting him see her teeth.

“I’m one of the agents who pulled your son out of the torture chamber,” she tells him. “Arthur Lange is part of an ongoing FBI investigation. He can’t be moved to a private facility where he’ll be outside our protection.”

Heinrich Lange looks at her, like a water buffalo would look at a lioness, not sure which one would win in a fight. The answer is always Rona, if only because she doesn’t have to ask. She watches that knowledge register in his stance, but Lange still looks belligerent--he seems like the kind of man who pisses on his kill rather than let anyone steal it, even if it means he can’t eat it either. That’s kind of the type of man Rona has the least patience for. She feels her smile widen.

“Protection from what?” Heinrich snaps. “Your captain claims you caught the man who attacked my son.” He emphasizes the words “my son”, like he’s going to scare her with the legal claim he supposedly has, but Rona knows the legality is on her side and also that it doesn’t matter; he isn’t taking Art out of here.

“Maybe you haven’t heard the words ‘ongoing investigation,’ before,” Rona says. Heinrich’s face twitches at the insult, which wouldn’t’ve even really been an insult if she hadn’t known he’d make it one. “We caught the leader of a death-cult we’ve been investigating for a while now. We found your son in their compound. We don’t know the extent of your son’s involvement. We’re not letting him out of our sight until we’ve eliminated all possible threats to his safety.” Rona tips her head very slightly at the end there, and Heinrich’s eyes flash; nobody would assume he was included on that list unless they already knew he belonged there. Heinrich Lange isn’t a very sophisticated villain; after interviewing Micah Trent several times, it’s almost refreshing.

“You don’t have any claim on the boy,” Heinrich says, raising his voice and also calling his son “the boy;” even the receptionist is looking at him with alarm now; this is the easiest game Rona’s ever won. “I’m his goddamn father.”

Rona actually laughs at that one, which he recoils from like a slap in the face, as she knew he would. “This might be news to you, Senator, but your son’s nineteen years old. And I’m going to bet he wants to stay here, though I’d be happy to ask him for you. He knows there’s people in this city who want to shut his mouth any way they can.”

That one’s a little overt, but Rona’s sure enough now not to worry, and Lange’s expression of guarded alarm just makes her more sure. She’s gonna have to say all this stuff again to somebody who matters, and a U.S. Senator has enough money to make the Bureau nervous, but none of that matters now that she’s smelled blood in the water.

Heinrich turns to the receptionist, since he knows he’s lost; she takes almost a full step back from him, because he doesn’t know how badly. “Get me someone who knows what the fuck they’re talking about,” he snarls, and the receptionist doesn’t even reach for the phone, though her hand is sliding under the desk; there’s probably a panic button under there. Rona laughs again, though there’d probably be actual consequences if this little girl called security on a Senator and there’s no guarantee the hospital knows they need her like the Bureau knows they need Rona, so Rona claps a hand to Lange’s shoulder, transferring all his ire to herself immediately.

“Don’t bother,” she tells him before he can scream at her. “You’ll hear the same thing upstairs I’m telling you now. You can’t have him. Go home.”

“You bitch,” Heinrich Lange says, already turning to storm out of the hospital. “You’re fucking done working in this town.”

“The FBI is a national organization, kiddo,” she tells him, and pats him on the shoulder on his way out. He doesn’t take a swing at her, which would have been the best icing she could have asked for on this already-excellent cake, but he does make enough effort to leave with dignity that not even the onlookers who arrived too late to hear him talk can possibly have any respect for him left. Rona rocks back on her heels, delighted.

“Jesus, I need a fucking cigarette,” she says, turning to grin at the receptionist, who looks back at her, alarmed. “You need anything? Buy you a coffee.”

The receptionist blinks at her, then back at Heinrich Lange’s retreating back, and then to Rona’s delight she says, “Cappuccino. Was that really his father?”

“Yep,” Rona says, waving away the change the receptionist offers her.

“That poor boy,” the receptionist says, and Rona laughs all the way to the coffee machine.

----

Art’s head is clearing, which is always the worst part of being high.

The duty officer, Chase, finished taking his initial statement with a promise to “see what he could do about getting Karim in to see him,” which is not as strong as he remembers the initial promise being, but his memory on that is a bit fuzzy, so it’s possible he assumed it was more binding than it was.

The more awake he feels, the more every part of him hurts, some of the pain deep in his guts in ways that make him feel dizzy and sick, but he resists pressing the button that’s supposed to flood him with opiates. He needs his head clear for what comes next.

He remembers waking in the dark, every inch of him either burning or frighteningly numb, and seeing the face of the agent who carried him out; he remembers the man stripping off his sportscoat and dropping it around his shoulders, and he remembers being sure that no one would ever touch him again without wanting to hurt him, that he had been freezing and the jacket hadn’t even really helped, the cold was in his bones, blood loss probably, but the fact that this stranger had wanted to let him cover himself had made him cry when he’d thought he was done crying for good. 

He could kind of use that jacket now, actually; some of the wounds that need dressing what seems like every hour are in places Art doesn’t want strangers touching even when he knows when he’ll next be able to shit without bleeding. The nurses are largely women and therefore apologetic and gentle about it, but the doctors don’t even always ask first, and one of them tried to move Art’s legs apart when he was half asleep and Art kicked him in the face, despite the immediate disabling pain in his broken hip. He isn’t sorry, but he won’t do it again; they pumped him full of sedatives afterward and he spent the rest of the day grinding against the fog in his brain, knowing he should be panicking, which is not all that much better than actually panicking, for the record.

None of that is why he isn’t asking for more pain meds, or at least not all of why. He needs his head clear because he’s heard from one of the nurses, who seems like she thought she was comforting him, that the whole Coven is going on trial, on charges starting at attempted murder and building from there, and that’s not fucking acceptable. He’s not that invested in the girls, though he’ll put in a good word for them if he gets the chance; he doesn’t feel too bad about that, given that he essentially didn’t meet them until they were cutting him open. But Karim isn’t going from nine years in a cult straight to a prison, thank you very much. He’ll bust him out himself if he has to, but they aren’t actually sure he’s ever going to walk again, so it’ll be more expedient to keep him from getting locked up in the first place.

The agent who found him, Simon, seems cut up and unsettled by his condition, at least as far as Art remembers--he’d been pretty out of it when he saw him again. Art’s sorry about that, and sorry he apparently got shoulder-shot during the dramatic rescue, too, presumably because his arms were too full of what was left of Art to draw his gun; but he isn’t too sorry to exploit that a little, if he can. He’s ready to spin the story, leave out Karim’s initial promise to kill him, since he knows what it would sound like to someone who didn’t know him before, and leave in all the parts where Karim saved his life over and over and is the reason he isn’t taking the current opportunity to overdose on opiates like he could so easily do right now.

It is fucking ironic, obviously, how close he came to dying just about the second he didn’t want to anymore.

The door to his room opens, and he looks up, hoping it’s Simon Blake and not any doctors holding needles, and then he stares, because it isn’t either of those, it’s the creepiest-looking woman he’s ever seen. She’s probably mid-thirties, and her hair is a thin side-shaved mess of curls so pale as to be almost translucent, showing the pale pink of her scalp underneath. She’s wearing dark glasses even indoors— though he can’t fault her for that; the fluorescents are murder on his eyes too— and a pantsuit, though she seems to be wearing combat boots underneath.

The woman leans in the doorway and looks at him over her glasses. Her eyes are a fairly unsettling shade of violet. “Morning, starshine,” she says dryly. “You lucid, or just awake?”

Art closes his eyes to settle into the pain, and then sits up a little. It’s bad, his hip and ass both screaming in different voices, but it’s doable. “I’m lucid. Are you with the FBI?”

The woman eyes him, maybe with curiosity. “Rona Cowl,” she says with a nod. “Blake’s my partner.” When she speaks, Art feels with a shiver down his spine that there’s something off about her teeth, but he shoves the feeling away.

“You helped carry me out, then,” he says. He folds the hand he can move in his lap and looks at her steadily. “Thank you.”

Rona Cowl narrows her eyes at him, though he can’t think of anything he can have done wrong. He forces himself to stay still and not visibly go on the defensive.

“You are lucid,” she says slowly, moving to sit in one of the chairs beside the bed. Rona Cowl looks at him, and then she reaches forward without changing expression and presses two fingers against his dislocated shoulder.

Pain shoots up Art’s arm, and a short wail tears out of his throat before he can smother it.

“Yeah, I thought so. I’m calling the nurse to get you more painkillers.” She starts to get up.

“Don’t,” Art says, and she stops, surprised. He takes a moment to catch his breath, letting the pain settle back into a dull ache. When he’s sure he’ll be able to see, he lifts his head and glares at her.

“I don’t need them. I need to talk to Agent Blake.”

Rona Cowl raises an eyebrow, and waits for him to go on. Art considers her. He doesn’t feel like he has a good enough handle on who this woman is to know what tack to use— but if she tells the nurses to dose him, they will, and he deeply does not want that. He’s got to try something.

“I want to tell someone what really happened. I want to make sure the FBI understands. So they don’t hurt people who have already been hurt enough.”

Rona Cowl looks at him for a long time, her violet eyes slightly narrowed. “You mean Karim Mun,” she says finally, which could be good or very bad. He feels his free hand clench, and forces it to relax, nods once, keeping his face blank. 

“Karim never hurt me. He saved my life. I don’t want him to go to court until I’ve made that clear.” He makes sure his voice is calm and unmodulated; he knows emotion will make him easier to dismiss.

“I hear you’ve been asking to see him,” Rona Cowl says, and she raises an eyebrow again, so it might be a trap, but Art feels his heart clench in his chest. 

“Yes,” he says, and it comes out husky and desperate, so he takes a breath to let his pulse slow again. “Yes,” he says again, more calmly. “He was held by Micah far longer than I was. I want to know for sure that he’s alright.”

Rona squints at him. She must be albino, he thinks, and he’s read that albinism causes vision problems. It sure feels like she can see him, though. Then her face clears, though she still has that dangerous tilt to her brows. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” she says mildly, and clicks out of the room.

----

It’s— all very complicated. And a distraction from what Rona really meant to do, which is ask him about his father. Though she’s certainly ignoring her own advice now, and getting distracted from the actual case.

Broadly, Art Lange doesn’t have much to worry about. It’s likely Karim Mun will have a one-on-one meeting with a judge, not a trial, and given he was taken at fifteen and seems to be one of the few cult members who didn’t actually kill anyone on his own, he’s likely to get off without much more than mandatory counselling, which christ knows he’d need anyway. 

But this thing with Art Lange’s father changes things, makes everything worse and more suspicious. Rona knows, to some extent, that beating Heinrich Lange Senior is just a welcome distraction from Micah Trent, who has a million more lives tangled up with his, not to mention better lawyers and a squirrely-er brain. It probably doesn’t actually change anything, but knowing Art Lange isn’t just a normal kid who got kidnapped by a cult does make her more suspicious of everyone else involved. It’s possible Art just has the worst luck of any rich kid on the planet, but it’s also possible someone saw vulnerability and pounced on it, and she’s not sure that person would have been Micah.

Which means it’s time to see whether Karim Mun is cleared to walk around or not.

[heyyyharry]

My Girl Series: Chapter 5 - Somebody Else

…in which, once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy, and no one else.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 4: Thumper The Rabbit - Harry tries to mend the past, but Y/N wants to let it go.

wattpad link

‘Somebody Else’ bathroom version, you’re welcome

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"Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl, and no one else..."

Those hot summer days had turned the little town called Holmes Chapel into a heated up oven. Everyone would rather stay indoors where there were fans and air-conditioners, yet the two kids Harry and Y/N refused to abandon their treehouse even for a day.

It was a blazing Wednesday afternoon. In the crooked treehouse, the little girl's voice was a lullaby, with the help of soft summer breezes through the branches, sending the 14-year-old into dreamland. With his eyelids fluttering, Harry heard her say, "don't fall asleep."

"I'm not." He tried to open his eyes and look at her.

"Liar." She scoffed. "Is my story boring to you?"

The little girl closed the pink notebook, looking a bit offended as she crossed her arms.

"No," Harry told her as he folded his arms behind his head. "But I want to hear the good stuff, like sword fights or gun battles or something."

"It's only chapter one. I haven't introduced all characters yet."

The boy thought for two seconds before he asked, "I thought there were just the two of them and no one else?"

"Well, it's just a way of saying. They are best friends, so in their eyes they are the only two people in the world." She furrowed her eyebrows and shook her head at him in disappointment. 

"Is the girl you?"

She nodded.

"Is the boy me?"

"No, it's a very handsome guy."

"Fine." Harry huffed as he turned his eyes back to the ceiling and told her to carry on. He couldn't see that smile on her face when she resumed reading the story she'd worked so hard on. Even if she'd lied and said it wasn't true, the boy was Harry of course.

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.

.

Y/N quickly closed the pink notebook on her lap when her phone started to ring. The call was from her best friend Celine, the one Y/N had been expecting to hear from in almost two weeks. Both Celine and Amala had been so busy with their part-time jobs and final exams so Y/N couldn't describe how elated she was to finally receive that phone call.

"Cece, I miss you! How's Boston?"

"Boring as usual. I'm at work right now but I missed you so much. How are you, baby?"

Y/N scanned her eyes around her messy bedroom, at all the papers and clothes lying everywhere on the chair, table, and floor. She was kind of hopeless if she was honest.

"I'm struggling with my work in process. I'm rereading my old stories to find inspiration." She looked at the time and realized she'd been sitting in front of her laptop for an hour now without actually writing anything. Sighing, she went on, "I miss my imagination back then. I used to be so creative."

"Adulthood kills creativity."

"True." She agreed, rolling her eyes. "How's Amala?"

"She's doing great. Maybe we'll video call you tomorrow night. We both missed you lots and lots!" The next thing Celine said was what Y/N had been expecting."Hey, how's it going with the hot photographer?"

"You know." The girl clicked her tongue. "We're just...flirting back and forth."

"Good! Take things slow, but please let yourself have some fun like a normal 20-year-old."

Celine’s advice put a smile on her best friend's face as the girl nodded her head, and soon remembered they were talking on the phone and she couldn't be seen.

"Got it," she said, biting her bottom lip.

"When are you seeing him again?"

"Tonight. He invited me to his exhibition."

"I thought you said he was taking photos for fun."

"That's what I thought! But it turned out he was actually famous, like he shoots for magazine covers and shit. That's so intimidating."

"That's hot! If I weren't gay and taken and your friend, I would eat him up already."

Both girls guffawed at Celine’s remark.

"Shit, I've got to go now! Any more update?"

The first thing that came to Y/N's mind when she heard the word 'update' was actually Harry. She hadn't told her two best friends about them being friends again yet, because those girls had known too much about her history with Harry.

Though a lot had changed in the last two years, she didn't think they wouldn't just believe her friendship with Harry had improved so much just from hearing the words from her mouth. So she decided to keep him as a secret and wait until she saw them in person to break the news. It'd be more convincing if they could see for themselves how much Harry had changed.

"Nope," Y/N lied. "I think I've told you everything, Isaac, my father's engagement..."

As the silence sank in, she heard her best friend exhale. Celine had basically grown up with her and known her father for almost eleven years now, so that news had also shocked the girl a lot. She didn't know the man well to despise him, yet the pain he'd caused to Y/N made it impossible for her to even respect him like she used to.

"I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Celine said, sounding cheerful again all of a sudden, probably to distract her friend from thinking about her father. "Have fun tonight! I'll be refreshing your insta feed!"

"Oh, God!" Y/N tossed her head back, laughing hard. "Bye! Love you!"

"Love you, too!" And just like that, Celine ended the call.

.

.

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"So I just ran into Daniel Bullard from Vogue Italy. He was obsessed with your works and he told me—"

As his manager kept on rambling about another magazine cover deal, Isaac failed to focus on what this man thought was important. He couldn't stop the words from going into one ear and out from another while scanning his eyes around the crowded room.

He knew this had been his biggest photography exhibition by far, and he was supposed to be excited that there were many big names here tonight. However, he felt so incomplete that the one person he hoped to see most wasn't there.

Harry wasn't there.

He'd told Harry about this exhibition before anyone else, and Harry had never missed a single special event in his life ever since they became friends. So if Harry decided not to show up, Isaac knew it wasn't because he'd forgotten, it was because of Y/N.

"Isey!" The nickname got the photographer to turn his head, and spotted the cheerful Irish man waving at him from across the room.

"Hey, Lee," he interrupted his manager, who was still talking. "I'm gonna go say hi to Niall, if that's alright."

The Asian man sighed as he realized Isaac hadn't heard a single word he'd said. So he just gave up and told his client to do whatever he wanted. "Meanwhile, I'll be over there, praising you to Daniel Bullard."

"Thanks, Lee." Isaac patted the man on the shoulder and headed towards his friend.

They pulled each other into a tight hug because it'd been nearly four months since the last time they saw one another in person.

"You bastard, why didn't you tell me you were back in London?" Isaac asked, one hand on the other guy's shoulder, smiling widely.

"I wanted to surprise you. This exhibition is amazing by the way! You should shoot my next album cover!"

Niall's suggestion made the blond chuckle. "Only if I got half the profit of every single album you sell."

"Hey, I'm your friend!"

"You made Harry and I buy tickets to your concert, you dick," Isaac exclaimed, hands on his hips as both of them cracked up at the good memories with all three of them together.

Harry, Niall and Isaac had been close friends since they shared a dorm room back in university. Now at twenty-four, they had all become famous and got the lives they'd always wanted, living their dreams. The only thing that hadn't changed was their friendship, so Isaac hoped it would just remain this way.

"Speaking of Harold, where's he?" Niall looked around, squinting his blue eyes to search for that familiar curly head. "Where's the other musketeer?"

Isaac shrugged, not knowing what to say but the truth, "maybe he won't even come."

"Why? Did something happen between you two while I was gone?"

"No."

"Fucking liar. I'll ask Harry then." Niall raised an eyebrow, staring at Isaac and waiting for him to say something, but the guy simply gave him a shrug, lips pressed into a faint smile as he let the awkward silence continue. Niall couldn't take it anymore. He lowered his volume to make sure only his friend could hear what he was about to say.

"Don't tell me he's still upset about the Ruby thing."

"Actually, he handled it better than I thought," said Isaac. "But dude, I almost flew to L.A to punch you for sending us that article about Ruby's engagement. He blocked her on social media for a fucking reason."

"Sorry, sorry, I was just really shocked!" Niall held up his hands like a criminal surrendering to a cop. "I just wanted him to know she's a terrible person."

"I think he knows, but whether he believes it or not depends on himself, not you and I." Isaac shook his head.

Niall opened his mouth to say something else, yet got cut off immediately by his friend's notification. Isaac excused himself and took out his phone to read the text, which instantly got him beaming.

⌲ Smiley: I'm outside. Should I just walk in?

He quickly typed back:

⌲ Yes, just tell them your name. You'll see me as soon as you enter. :)

"Niall," said the blond, beaming as he sent that text. "I cannot wait to introduce you to someone."

"Ooh, lemme guess, it's..." Niall paused a bit to think and then shouted out, "Harold!"

Isaac was very confused, at first he thought his friend was joking, but then he heard that all-too-familiar voice from right behind him saying hello. He turned around, and there he found Harry, dressed in a nice suit with his hair pushed back, making his way to them.

The green-eyed man put on a grin as he gave Niall a hug, then Isaac too. He apologized for being late and congratulated his best friend on this exhibition, like their argument the other night about Y/N had never happened. Isaac didn't know how long it would last, but at the moment he couldn't be any happier.

"I'm glad you're here, H," said the blond, who now started to look more like the host of his own event with that elation on his face. Now that the three of them were together again, they could—

"Hey, guys!"

That female voice caused both Isaac and Harry to turn to the main entrance. Two big smiles appeared on both handsome faces as they called out, at the same time,

"Bambi!" / "Smiley!"

Harry looked at Isaac, who looked at Harry, and the men heard Niall mumble "awkward..." under his breath but he wasn't wrong. It was truly awkward for both of them, and maybe for Y/N too.

"Smiley?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows, mouth agape, staring at the girl who shrugged and flashed him a smile. He was hoping the nickname his friend had just shouted out wasn't meant for his Bambi, but as she hugged Isaac and couldn't stop smiling at him, Harry knew it couldn't be anyone else.

Pulling away from Isaac, Y/N turned to Harry and hugged him as well. He didn't know if she noticed, but he held her a bit tighter than he normally would, and when they broke apart, he told her she looked beautiful in the dark blue dress she was wearing.

"Thanks. This thing is two years old already." She looked down and giggled, and for a short second there Harry almost forgot Niall and Isaac were with them.

"Niall, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is—"

"Niall Horan!" Y/N interrupted Isaac, shaking Niall's hand enthusiastically. "I love your music!"

"I like her already." Niall chuckled, eyes on his two best friends. "Which one of you assholes is her boyfriend?"

Both men were left dumbfounded by that one question, but the person who answered it wasn't one of them.

"Neither. We're just friends," Y/N said, red lips curved into a smile, and the satisfaction on Harry's face could not be more obvious.

"So every random person has a nickname for you then?" Niall raised an eyebrow though his attempt to lighten up the mood had his two friends sighing in frustration. "Maybe I should give you a nickname as well."

"Niall, don't even."

"Shut up, Harold, lemme think." Niall held up his hand as he shushed the other brunette.

"In the meantime..." Isaac trailed off, shaking his head at Niall, who was still trying to come up with another nickname for the girl he'd just met. But the photographer never got his chance to finish as his manager Lee appeared out of nowhere and grabbed him by the arm.

"Where's the girl?" Asked the manager, leaving all four people confused.

It took Isaac a second to remember and realize what that meant. So he quickly pointed to Y/N and said that she was the girl.

"Good, good." Lee nodded quickly, holding both Isaac's and Y/N's hand as he laughed. "Blair and Cyrus Archer wanted to see you both."

"The Archers? The twins who shoot for Vanity Fair?" Y/N asked and everyone looked at her in shock, all wondering why she had that knowledge. Shyly, she told them she'd done a bit of research about the industry before she came, so she wouldn't end up looking like a fool.

"Oh, she's smart too! How great!" Lee squealed in excitement as he squeezed her hand. "They are literally obsessed with that shot of you, darling."

"Wait, what shot?" Harry finally spoke up as it seemed like he was the only one there who hadn't seen whatever Lee was talking about. Confused, he quickly followed everyone to another room.

And as soon as he entered, one particular exhibition immediately caught his eyes. It was a portrait of his Bambi. Though the shot was black and white, that beautiful smile on her lovely face was all the colors it needed to radiate joy all across the room.

Harry stood transfixed in shock and disbelief as he heard Y/N whisper to Isaac, "I can't believe you picked that one."

He then replied, "your smile is the brightest in that one."

"Harold?" Niall nudged Harry to pull his friend back down to Earth, but the green-eyed brunette never got his chance to comment on the artwork. Lee jumped right into his mouth, saying he needed to borrow Y/N and Isaac for a moment.

"Sorry boys, networking is key!" said the man as he grabbed the startled pair, pulling them with him towards the twin sisters waiting by the portrait.

Harry couldn't be there much longer. Even though he blamed the overcrowding room for his annoyance, he knew all those people didn't bother him half as much as the happy two standing over there.

"So that's what you two have been hiding from me?" Niall held back Harry's arm as he intended to walk out.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The girl. Smiley?"

"Bambi." Harry knew Niall made that mistake on purpose to test his reaction, yet he still got irritated, probably because of the nickname alone. "I'll go get a drink, you coming?"

"Then you'll tell me what happened?"

The actor gave his friend a smile, but then brutally killed off Niall's hope with his answer. "In your dreams."

.

.

.

The love song blasting from the loud speaker really got on Harry's nerves, as he looked around at those happy couples dancing and making out with each other. It wasn't even Valentine's Day yet and he'd already felt like the loneliest person in a room.

The after party at Lee's house was massive, and many of the guests were important people in the entertainment industry. Harry swore he knew most of them and they knew him. Still there he was, standing in the corner with a drink in his hand and himself as his own company, like a geek at senior prom.

Across the room, Niall was flirting with a girl Harry had never met before. Isaac and Y/N were nowhere to be seen, and Harry didn't want to guess what they could be doing right now. As if seeing them together wasn't awful enough.

The actor quickly emptied the glass in his hand and laid it down on the table by his side. Fuck, he thought, I really need another drink.

"Well, isn't this the famous Harry Styles?!"

Harry could've broken his neck from turning his head so fast to the sound of that voice.

There she was, his Bambi, walking towards him with a cheeky smile and asked him why he wasn't dancing like everyone else. He told her half the truth, that he wasn't in the mood to party at the moment without telling her why.

Surprisingly, she didn't ask, and just tugged on his arm as she said, "come dance with me."

It wasn't a question, more like a request, one he couldn't deny. So he let her pull him along to the center of the room to join the dancing crowd, thinking about how they used to dance with each other when they were kids; but of course, with them being adults a lot would have changed already.

Under the flashing red and blue lights, Harry couldn't take his eyes of the young woman in front of him. She was swaying to the rhythm of the upbeat song without caring who might be watching her. Her energy fueled him to also let himself loose.

She grabbed his shoulders, pulling him in, their foreheads resting against each other as he finally found the courage to place his hands on her lower back. If anyone was watching them now, they might think they were in love.

"You dance like a grandpa," she teased, raising her voice so he could hear her over the loud music. Harry couldn't help but laugh at her comment.

"Thanks, that's why I act and not dance."

She rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head as she cracked up.

"Where's Isaac?" He finally asked.

"Oh, he's talking to some people Lee introduced him to."

"Why did he call you Smiley?" The second question had no relation to the previous one, yet Harry couldn't keep second guessing anymore. He assumed the nickname had something to do with the shot of her smiling, but the answer Y/N gave him was beyond his prediction.

"He called me that to remind me to always smile."

Harry nearly lost his balance on his own two feet when he heard those words. Sure Y/N had never been his to begin with, but at that moment, he realized he was losing her.

"Let's be honest, Bambi is a better name." He scoffed and received another smile from the girl.

"Don't you worry," she told him. "I'll always be Bambi."

Though that seemed far from the truth, it was what Harry chose to believe.

"I can't believe the last time we danced together you still had pigtails," he said, beaming at her as he ran his hands through her hair.

"The last time we danced together I still had a crush on you." That response was beyond his prediction but the next thing coming from her mouth put him up short.

"Don't worry, I'm over it."

Harry stopped dancing and so did she, not because she could read his mind, but because she spotted Isaac heading towards them. Harry turned his head just in time his best friend arrived and asked to steal Y/N for a moment.

"Sure. She's all yours," Harry said. Those words had been the hardest to say by far. "I'll see you later, Bambi."

Without waiting for her to reply, he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek to say goodbye. And not until he was walking away from them did Harry realize, he had never kissed her on the cheek before.

It was rather embarrassing to even try to guess her reaction as he headed straight to the bathroom, and he didn't even need to go. He just wanted a place to get away from all those background noises and human interactions, even though those things kept him free from the crazy thoughts inside his head.

The muffled music from outside had changed to Somebody Else by The 1975. And as he washed his hands in the sink, Harry cursed the one who'd made that playlist. Were they trying to narrate his situation at the moment?

I don't want your body But I hate to think about you with somebody else

He needed to get out of there.

"Lee, have you seen Isaac and Y/N?"

The manager excused himself to the guests as he turned to Harry. "They just left together, he told me he was gonna take her home."

Harry thanked Lee, ignoring what the man had to say next and just walked away, pushing his way through the packed room to find the exit. Now that they were both gone he had no reason to be there anymore.

He was just a few steps away from the door when a familiar figure caught his eyes, and for a second there he thought that girl he saw was his Bambi. From behind she surely looked like Y/N, but she was wearing a different outfit.

The girl turned around, sending Harry a smile as soon as she caught him staring. What happened next was very hazy in his memory probably because the alcohol had finally kicked in.

He vaguely remembered approaching the girl and asking her to dance. He remembered them drinking until his head was spinning in circles. He remembered kissing her on the mouth as they called a taxi to go to his place. He remembered taking off her clothes as well as his own. He remembered having sex. But most importantly, he remembered thinking of Y/N the entire time.

And when he crashed down on the bed, sweaty, all out of breath, Harry remembered the feeling of disappointment. The girl said a lot of things to him, yet his ears automatically canceled out all the other sounds apart from his own heartbeats.

As he drifted off, the face of Y/N from earlier as she pulled him close continued to haunt him still.

.

.

.

Y/N giggled as she ran up the stairs with Isaac following right behind her. The lift in the building broke again, so they had to walk five floors to get to her flat, and Y/N would've been so embarrassed if Isaac hadn't already known she was too broke to afford better accommodation.

"Don't be too shocked when you see my room."

"I've been in your room before, love," he said, catching his breath as he took the last step to reach her and gave her a tired smile.

The last time he'd been there was actually on the day they first met. After hanging out together from morning till night, he dropped her off at her place and she invited him in for a cup of tea. That was how they woke up the next morning with him spooning her in her bed, fully clothed of course.

"You were lucky the last time because I'd just cleaned it. I haven't done it again since." She chuckled, pulling out her keys as she opened the door. Then the girl was completely frozen in her spot.

Isaac looked around the tiny living room, it wasn't that bad so he didn't get the shocked expression on her face. It was only when she bent down to pick up a white envelope someone had probably slid through her door gap that he realized the real reason she'd reacted that way.

"Is that a wedding invita—Hey!" He shouted out, reaching for her hands but it was already too late. She'd already torn the envelope to pieces and marched across the room to toss them all in the trash bin. She looked at him, he looked at her, neither said another word, both second-guessing each other's next move.

She knew he wanted to ask her why, but he wasn't sure if what he was wondering would be invasive, so he stayed quiet. Anyway, she was glad he had chosen not to question what she'd done.

"Tea?" She asked with a smile.

.

.

.

"Y/N!"

The way Isaac shouted out her name caused the girl to bat her eyelashes and she finally made it out of her maze of thoughts. The cup of tea she’d made for him had been emptied whereas the one in her hand was still full and had gotten cold.

"What's wrong?" He asked in concern. "You kind of spaced out."

"Nothing. I'm just tired."

Isaac checked the time on his watch and furrowed his eyebrows as he realized how late it'd been.

"I should leave so you can rest."

"Wait!" She stopped him. "We can...We can talk some more...I'm not that tired."

Her reaction made the man laugh as he nodded and shifted a bit to get back to his previous comfortable posture. He looked around the room, at the books and many crumpled up pieces of paper lying all over the floor and on the table between them. It looked like the aftermath of a tornado inside her living room but he didn't have to raise questions for her to give him the answer.

"I'm struggling with my writing."

"Yeah, I figured." He chuckled. "You told me about the book you'd been working on."

"I haven't even edited the first chapter." She rolled her eyes. "But it sucks anyway, so..."

"Can I read it?"

"What?"

"Your first chapter."

"Oh...that...well..." The girl straightened her back, flipping her hair over her shoulders in a nervous manner as she cleared her throat. "I'm sorry but I've never shared my unfinished work with anyone besides my mum and..."

"Harry," Isaac finished the sentence for her, leaving her surprised for a second.

"Yeah." She nodded. "But when it's ready...if it's ready, I'll let you read it."

"I can't wait."

The gentle smile he was giving her had her sitting there with her heart in her mouth. Her anticipation told her he was gonna say something else, so she quickly stole his chance to speak by blurting out, "do you wanna stay tonight?"

"S-Sure." He chuckled, slightly taken aback yet also amused. "If you want me to."

"I want you to," she asserted.

"Okay. Then I'll stay."

.

.

.

Harry woke up in the middle of the night and found himself in his bed with a naked stranger lying by his side. She had her back turned to him so for a split second he imagined it was Y/N though he knew for sure it was not. Y/N's hair smelt like freshly picked apples, not lavender, and she had a little scar on her left shoulder from crashing her bike into a tree when she was eleven. Harry didn't know why he remembered that, but he did. And now he couldn't go back to sleep anymore.

He propped up on his elbows, reaching for his phone on the nightstand to check what time it was. It was almost half past two in the morning. The worst time of the day to be awake. Usually, at this hour, his thoughts would go out of control and he would always end up doing things that he would regret in the morning, like what he was going to do next.

He searched for Y/N's number despite knowing to call her up this late would be cruel, if she had class early in the morning and needed her full eight-hour sleep. However, he missed her too much and desperately wanted to hear her voice. He had no idea what had gotten into him and why he was so needy for her attention. She was his little Bambi. But he seemed to have forgotten that already ever since he got jealous over her relationship, or whatever it was between her and his best friend.

He quietly left the bedroom and made that impulsive move to dial Y/N's number, biting his nails as the beeping on the line continued for what seemed like forever.

But it wasn't Y/N who picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"I-Isaac?" Harry nearly choked when he heard the voice, still he prayed she'd left her phone in Isaac's car or something. Something. Anything. Let it not be what he had in mind. "Is Y/N there?"

"Yeah, she's sleeping. She told me to pick up the phone."

Harry heard noises in the background like someone shifting between the sheets. And he had the squeezed his eyes shut to fight the thought that his worst fear had come true.

"Who's that?" Her sleepy voice was faint but he could tell it was her talking to Isaac.

"It's Harry."

"Great...You talk to Harry, I'm gonna sleep..."

"Mate, she just...dozed off again." Isaac's chuckle drove Harry insane. "Is it urgent?"

"No...uhm...Her dad just asked me to check on her. It's fine." That awful lie was followed by the worst laugh Harry had ever faked, but Isaac couldn't recognize that over the phone so he sounded so indifferent when saying goodnight and goodbye to his best friend.

Harry's heart died down as soon as the call ended. He dropped his arms down to his sides and leaned against the wall behind him, looking defeated. He stood there, pondering for about five minutes before deciding to head back to bed and trying to get some sleep before sunrise.

The girl who looked like Y/N was still sleeping. He kind of envied her now because he couldn't fall back to sleep, so he just closed his eyes and tried to think about anything but the previous phone call.

As he dug through the memory box in the small dusty corner of his mind, Harry found himself going back to that hot summer afternoon in the treehouse and he could hear her voice reading aloud the story in her pink notebook.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl, and no one else..."

Harry didn't know how that story ended because Y/N had never finished it, or at least never revealed the ending to him. But how wonderful could it have been, if that was the last sentence of the story instead of the first? Now, he could no longer return to the world where there was no one else besides them two.

[drink-n-watch]

  Remember when I was all excited about the fact that it was starting to get warm here? Well that’s all over now! It is hot and I mean humid and sticky and just plain old tough to breathe summertime in Montreal hooooot. I do have air conditioning. I’m not sure why I whine all the time. It’s just a thing we Canadians do. We complain about the weather. It’s our claim to fame. How are things in your neck in the woods, Crow?

  Also hot. Also sticky. Glad I recently got the air conditioning repaired. It’d be a real bummer without it. Wait. Why am I bold? I shouldn’t be bold! I stick out too much!

Oh, there will be spoilers.

And so here we are. Can you believe it’s been 4 months already? And we are now finally at the last episode of My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! Now for me this was a show that started out real strong but lost its footing somewhere at the halfway mark. However, before we get into all that, let’s just quickly resume what the episode was about. Actually no wait before we even resume what the episode was about, Crow, is there anything you want to get out up front?

19,800 meetings seems excessive. Glad we didn’t have to sit through all of them! I’m talking about Catarina’s internal Council of the Wise-ish. They made an appearance in this episode! But seeing them again made me realize how much I missed them. Glad we got to see that 19,800th meeting.

You know what’s always a great sign? When the series decides to, at the very last episode, bring in a whole new side plot with dramatic history to develop. I’m not really sure why we had to bother with the whole Sirius side. Actually, it was kind of worth it just to get the pronunciation of his name down though. This said it was over really quickly and it all seems a bit inconsequential now.

Oh, when you “great sign,” you were being sarcastic! I was momentarily confused. But it’s all good now! 

As you may remember, last week, the episode ended on a cliffhanger as Catarina and the gang were about to burst into Sirius’s house just as he was getting consumed by the darkness. Well, this week picks up right there. First, we get Sirius being all like gwaaahhh things are going all wrong. Then we quickly find out through flashback, that Sirius is not in fact serious. Sirious’s mother was a maid who was raped by her master and gave birth to a kid, but then the Master’s wife kidnaped them both and murdered the mother in a Dark Magic Ritual to stick the soul of her own dead kid into not Sirius, whose real name is Raphael and Sirius is the name of the dead kid but the thing didn’t work out and Raphirius only got the memories and he’s just been pretending that it worked all this time so that he could get revenge on the Dieke family who killed his mom. Cause they’re huge Diekes. I’m not sure why he wanted revenge on Caterina or what that was about but you know, I’m sure he had very good reasons. Anyways it doesn’t matter cuz Caterina says his real name out of the blue for some reason and now he’s all better and doesn’t want revenge anymore and all the PTSD is gone. Hurray! That was just the opening act of the episode though…

Now, to be fair, it was only almost all gone! The Entity Within made a “surprise” attempt to come back! But the Power of Friendship banished him. Either that, or not-Sirius was just happy to be holding Catarina’s hand.

 And then everybody goes back for a party at school because it’s graduation time. Caterina is right back to worrying whether she’s going to be all doomed so she decides to finally just ask Maria who she wants to… Let’s say… date. In response Maria confesses to Caterina and then everybody else confesses to Caterina and then everybody’s happy then they go to another room and have some more tea and cake because, I mean growing bodies, they need to keep hydrated and sugared up, and not Sirius comes back in and he also confesses to Caterina and everybody lives happily ever after, the end of the series…

Um…spoilers…

I got your back! Mentioned the danger of spoilers earlier. Though really, things went pretty well as expected, so maybe we’re more confirming things than spoiling them?

Is there a difference?

Speaking of growing bodies — did it seem like Catarina was, let’s say, more mature than even just last episode? Just what kind of sweets is Maria feeding her? Maria could build a fortune for her own family if she marketed it!

You always like your busty ladies. She was back to normal in her usual dress, just standard fanservice, I think.

I’ll be honest, although I did not dislike the Black magic plot, I also just feel like it belongs in a different story. It didn’t really, for me, mesh with the rest of the series. And that backstory of Sirius’s was deeply deeply tragic, yet it had this weird cheery music going on. It was all kind of uncanny. The tone was off, the pacing was way too abrupt and it just didn’t add anything to the light romantic comedy we’ve been watching for all these months. What do you think Crow? Did you like it as is, or do you think like me that it wasn’t bad in any way, it just would have been better in a different story that had the same sort of themes and tone that it was going for?

I like how you put it — that it would have been better in another story. It might have worked here if more of it had been foreshadowed, even thematically, earlier. But as is, I agree with you. It felt grafted on. In contrast, how Catarina brought him back was completely consistent with the rest of the show. She basically said that she wasn’t the heroine, so she couldn’t save him. Then she explained that “all” she could do was stand by his side, listen to him when he wanted to talk, and try to cheer him up. Which is to say, “save” him. The baka was strong with this one!

I wonder if there’s a discussion to be had on how Catarina’s view of herself as a villainess contributed to her baka-ness?

I reread some of the things I had said about the series in the first episodes and I was a little sad.  After episode one, I distinctly said how excited I was that Catarina seemed to break the mold of the usual otome heroine. She was a little dorky and a little clumsy sure, that’s a romantic archetype that’s super common, but she was also resourceful. Right off the bat she figured out what her situation was by herself, analyzed what danger she was likely to be in based on her own knowledge, and did so really well I should add, then started to put together contingency plans in order to ensure that she would be able to be okay in the future. And she did that by herself and for herself. It was refreshing. I think I’ve said word-for-word that it was so great to have a heroine that wasn’t an idiot constantly relying on the men around her to save her.

I can’t deny that I’m a little disappointed the series turned around and made being an idiot kind of a defining trait of Katerina’s personality. To the point that even the characters in the story refer to her as such without hesitation. And the fans have nicknamed her Bakarina. Even Crow, who really likes the character, uses the Idiotrina nickname because it fits so well. And frankly, I really can’t see the Katerina we got in the last 6 episodes or so, coming up with all the brilliant plans and situation assertions as the Katerina of early episodes.

It does seem like a disconnect. Reaching deep to try to defend what happened (and it kinda hurts!), I could build on the idea earlier about her own view of herself as the villainess degraded her abilities over time. Our abilities are often limited by how we view ourselves. Catarina perceived herself as the villainess who needed to do everything in her power to save herself. She probably thought she was selfish. Over time, that view narrowed her perception of what was possible. By the end, even when the whole harem clearly and concisely confessed their love for her, it wasn’t enough. Was she stupid? Or had her self-perception limited her so much that she couldn’t accept the idea that they honestly just loved her that much, and simply because she was herself?

Even after saying all that, did you notice that before the graduation party, the event that she saw as the final chance for doom to strike, she’d prepared? She had her toy snake, now perfected and looking completely real, ready to throw and distract Geraldo. She had her garden implements packed and ready. As narrow as she had allowed her perception to get, she was still fighting to the very end. It’s an echo of the full coolness we had earlier, but that little Catarina is still there, even if buried deeply!

 She’s still a very charming girl, but a much less memorable one as far as I’m concerned. The characters also went through a bit of arrested development which made me realize that I’m not sure why they all like Katerina. I understand why Keith does and potentially Alan. We legitimately see how her presence has affected them and changed them. But Geraldo doesn’t seem to have changed much. He’s different from his game counterpart, but he’s pretty much the same charming and commanding prince he was when we first met him. And Katerina has not been the nicest to him. I guess all the girls fall into the “because of the you were nice” trope. Still, it’s a bit thin. And Nicol likes her because she’s nice to his sister? It’s not that there’s no canon motivation given but we really don’t see it develop much, which is odd since that’s the actual core of the story. 

Of all of them, Geraldo’s continued affection seemed the most difficult to understand. Overall, it would have been more fulfilling had Catarina had chances to be good to them more after they entered school. As characters, they really did seem to stall. On the plus side, the show stayed true to its core concept: to the very end, Catarina struggled against her doom, and that was kinda cool.

I still really like those early episodes, I think I’m going to rewatch them.

I noticed that Katerina didn’t end up with anyone (although I suppose she still is engaged). I thought that was kinda cool. I guess very few harems end up in couples but I’m o.k. With that. How about you Crow? Did you want to see a couple form? Who?

Only in my imagination! I still think she and Mary would be a good match. Though maybe I’ve been affected my anime to the point where I wonder, why don’t they all just live together? It’s not like there’s no historical precedent! Well, in this world, anyway… A show where they have to work through the social expectations and legal biases might be fun. I mean, how would you figure out who inherited what estate, if everyone’s mingled? 

Will you be watching a season 2?

I think so! I still like the characters, and honestly, I’m curious to see where they’d take the plot. The core concept’s gone. The game’s over. Where’s it go from here?

What about you?

Like you, I’m curious what’s left. I guess it depends on what direction they take.

Well there you have it folks. My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom is all said and done. I hope you all had a good time with the show despite whatever flaws it may have had. Are you gin to be watchin a second season?

My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! ep 12 – Finale Remember when I was all excited about the fact that it was starting to get warm here?

[madigabz]

Alan Gouze :) the name of the man that has had my heart for a quarter of my whole life!!! Wow, and he adores me even tho I am 100% a clumsy, forgetful, emotional HOT mess...I'm reading your letter and responding back as I go. Even though my feelings were a little hurt that you said I'd be sexier if I didn't get emotional, I understand. Alan I am a little mentally broke, but I'm different. And thankful for that. Bc even if depression, OCD, ADD, insomnia, all of my health problems, pain, overthinking overcasts me; I still shine. Tyler said something to me at Applebee's when I saw him. He told me that one day someone will come into my life and tell me that my hair, eyes & smile glow. I radiate in the sunshine, and I'll know what they mean by it when that day comes. I am so hard on myself but I've had a handful of people- strangers and close friends tell me this. And I know it's true. I know there is more to me than usual. I still smile, I still shine. And I thank fucking whatever god is out there that my glow stays. My friend Angel that did reiki on me told me I've been carrying something since I was a child and that's the reason for my anger. It's someone else's burden that I have put on myself & the woman who read my tarot cards said something similar too. I really do have a little bit of poison in me but something in my soul, or even beyond my own existence, has given me this gift. As I get older, I become more and more scared that the reality of the world will take away my light. I smoke so much I can't even remember shit anymore. "Lose you." That's the song you told me to listen to and I'm sorry that I forgot but you bet your sweet ass the next day I bought it on iTunes and listened to it :) I'm sorry I float through life to avoid realism and pain. I don't mean to forget everything just the bad stuff but I can't pick and choose what my poor memory holds... Emperors new groove. Idr if I've mentioned it before this, but I saw it on the shelf in my room today. (I gotta take some pics of the apartment for you). I remember coming over right after all of the Jackie shit & finding out about your mom. Trying to overdose. You cried on my chest & you were so emotionally exhausted. I believe your mom was still in the hospital and we put a movie on in her bed. Emperors new groove :) it was snowing outside and it was the first time my mom blatantly was bitching about me staying the night w you bc her crazy ass drove by and saw my car at auburn hills, when I told her I was staying at Courtney's. I never felt so close to you like you let your guard down and let me feel your pain for once. Selfish of me to say but it was honestly beautiful to finally feel you so deeply. Connected and so raw. I feel like I use that word too much, raw, trying to explain myself to you but nothing fits better than it. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Speaking of the past. Alan at this point in my life idk and idc what was true and what wasn't when we were together before db (that's vals name for now on-dumb bitch.) but one thing I'm holding you to is honesty. I care too much about you and this relationship to see it as a joke where it's okay to lie to each other. Like you said that was the one thing you kept consistent of so please don't lose it. I respect you for your honesty. It isn't a trait people carry anymore. Good or bad, through manipulation, brainwashing, reverse psychology, mind games, everything that come with this fucking sick generation..I do not want to be apart of. I much rather be in the 50's than this day in age. I don't belong here. Mostly I belong in the water ;) can't say that it doesn't kill me a little everytime you talk about threesomes, fucking other women, having a 2nd gf. You need to stop with it. You take away my dignity little by little everytime you say some fucked up shit like that. Gotta admit, you were right tho. Out of FUN and fairness I'm sure one day in the future you can get my happy ass all buzzed up and in bed with another chick. Just don't give her all/special attention bc it'll strain our relationship for forever after that. This does not mean I am actually cool w an open relationship, you having another gf, or having sex with anyone else without me. Starting a new chapter. "Everything will be ok." "No one should ever see you crumbling"...that's the thing, trust me no one besides you sees me crumble. I don't talk about myself to anyone. I feel this void most of the days and I don't want to put a damper on anyone's mood. I never open mssgs or get back to ppl bc they dgaf about me or what I'm going through, think, feel. None of it. And I crave meaning too much, in everything, to be stuck in a one way friendship. I have wasted so much time and energy into ppl who are rotten eggs. They'll never be anything besides selfish i and I can't surround myself in that type of environment anymore. I'm killing myself slowly by not meeting my potential in life rn. I need more meaning. Not to make things more complex but the opposite. To feel full and complete by understanding shit all of the way. And ofc to make it through this terrible generation I was born into. I do see what you see baby...well for the most part. And I don't see the good in everything :p I know I won't always have someone to tell me life gets better. It has always been this way. I have taught myself this. Overthinking just kills me so much! Being a Virgo doesn't doesn't help that I overanalyze either! Fricken OCD-.- my brain sees & thinks things way differently than most ppl. Soul gotta be like 300:) I know you think differently too. I love my nerds ;) so sexy to me. Maybe that's why our souls just click. I am sorry I was quiet the other day. You knew I had something to say and I didn't say it. It wasn't the right time but it isn't a big deal so o don't want you worrying about it baby. Was I really that quiet and meh that you could tell? Or is it just bc you know everything about me?..-.- blessing a curse that you do! But I wouldn't want another man to try and understand me anyway bc I know he couldn't. It's time to stop living life for other ppl you say...idk if it's your 20's or what but I feel like I'm redefining my life again. Rediscovering who the hell I really am down to my core. I love YOU inside and out & to death!!!!!:,( pouty face. This is the most settling and amazing letter I have gotten so far. Thank you for these words I really needed it. I love you all the way through your tough skin and down to your beating heart Alan. Changing my diet is the least of my worries and it's awesome bc I'm going to get sexy af!:) I've been gluten free before. Not having cheese just breaks my lil heart tho lol. Yes my parents have fucked me up. But I workdue with it and try to overcome the shiftiness they make me feel. Ik I'm a pussy. But my dad has definitely fucked w my head and has never made me feel good enough. Maybe that's what I feed off of you and why I want you so bad. My mom is just an emotional crazy lady w multiple personality disorder lol. But at least they didn't hit me. Just verbally f*cked my shit up. "Do everything your heart desires" "even if I get out and we can't stay together 1 yr isn't shit to wait" do you understand how absolutely fucking amazing it is for me to see you say that? You're right everything happens for a reason and it'll all collide during the time it's suppose to. The stories held in the fate of the stars ;) "before we know it we'll be 30 looking back laughing." Nothing has sounded more fulfilling than that small, little sentence. I am studying finally! And I hope the pain fades away w my diet too:( my poor locked up bf has to tell me everything is going to be okay. I can't even say anything to compare to this last letter. You were too smooth with your words, and I can't tell you how refreshing it is for you to be away from me through out a whole year and wanting to stay faithful. We were blessed with each other . Keifer was right, never could stay away from each other. You will always have me too baby. I can't tell you how bad I need to hear this. You have helped me more times than I count. And for sure more than I have helped you. I can't say thank you enough for making me feel so much better . You're the wind beneath my wings <3 & the cheese to my cake. Thank you for loving me for who I am. I reread our letters last night an I am so proud of the man you are becoming. You'll have me sitting passenger cruising in your vehicle in no time toots. A place, school, income, a dog :), happiness, prosper, feeling complete. Taking care of each other, midnight runs grocery shopping. I love you with all that I got, every ounce of my being. And I hope I WILL always have you. You are stronger than so much of the race around this world. I am glad you are all mine. Love you always my sweet, handsome man. I never mentioned anything about the pics I sent. The picture after the 2012 one was when I went fishing w Anthony and t the other day. I'm pretty sure I took some pics of the water for you, I'll have to look. Ofc next one is me omw to see you. I put a wonderful alnatural big tshirt mirror pic on there for you since you're all about natural beauty:p speaking of I'm getting all new make up bc I bet that's why women age faster as they get older! We get words looking you guys get better and we carry your children wtf lol. The black dress is what I wore to Josis party, I sent the one and only picture I took at her party. Does exhaustion look sexy on me baby?:b. The last pic is from the gas station I went to after seeing you. The sky was soo overwhelming in red. There a w a double rainbow and it looked to rad & gleaming from the sky. It was beautiful!! I also wanted to show you my red robe that I have two of(: silky and comforting af, I can't wait to wearing matching robes with you:) lol do yoga, face masks, spoil or ourselves and one another as well. I can't wait to run my hands all over your body and give you a massage. Rob made me Nutella and strawberries tn, made me think about how bad I want to lick Nutella off of your body right now. I got wet from just thinking about it..mmm I'll take some sexy pictures tmmrw night for you. Happy I'm coming to stay for a whole weekend next week. You're my kryptonite and I love everything about you. Give me time so I can give you a kick ass amazing, inspiring letter next!!!! You rule my world. Forever and always sugs, you are my forever and always<3 3 am and time to crash. Hope you're having a kinky dream About it rn;) just ordered that vibrator off of amazon and metal kegel balls bc I guess they feel amazing. I can't wait to be with you. Like we always say, sex and a real bed. It'll be so soon sweetheart and I will have money for us to get a place as soon as you get out. Thank you for telling me to go wherever you astound me but life is just not the same without my other half. You're my soulmate I'd do anything for you. Being in southern michigan doesn't effect me as long as I'm there with you. You're my sunshine..goodnight love.