#so if the aesthetic of this gifset is all over the place you know why

[seance]

THE MUSKETEERS 10TH ANNIVERSARY REWATCH / fave episodes [1/?] ↳ SEASON 1, EPISODE 3 / commodities (x,x)

[mass-convergence]

Remembering the time when I was a diehard fan for Edward Elric from FMA. I mean I still am a fan but I think this had escalated into “minor crush” because I was apparently gay except for when it came to dudes with long hair. Still kinda do have that exception. I just think long hair (and maybe a bit of scruff) on a guy is aesthetically pleasing. I think it’s the rugged outdoorsy look they’ve got going.

But that’s not remotely the point of this post.

I was a fan of Edward Elric back in high school. Talked about how cool he looked, pretty sure he was my desktop background at some point. Just generally a tick above a “normal” level of fan for it. Friend of mine kept being like “pixels, Mass, he’s pixels”. (Look this was over a decade ago, I’m over it and I’m sure they were just like repeating shit they’ve heard - I don’t think they were intentionally being malicious or a dick)

And I’m just thinking about that today. Because it’s not like the fact that they’re pixels but the fact that they’re pixels that represent something. I know Edward Elric isn’t real. More recently: I know Soma isn’t real, I know Wonder Woman isn’t real, neither is Lara Croft, Eivor, Prentiss, Moiraine, etc.

They’re all pixels or polygons or words on a page or lines in a drawing. And it’s like “your point?”

I still can’t watch that cutscene in AC Valhalla (y’all know the one) - I can barely look at the gifsets. But Eivor and Soma got me through the hell year that was 2021.

I cried when Moiraine lost her connection to the source and cried when she got it back - she showed me that I could lose everything and get knocked to rock fucking bottom and come back up swinging. I connected with Mat Cauthon because I perpetually felt like a fuck up my entire life. Seeing him succeed gave me hope.

Lara Croft and Wonder Woman both got me through most of undergrad. Just because they were kinda chill imaginary friends for me in a time where I felt desperately alone and in a dark ass place. They gave me confidence and strength.

You know what got me through most of the pandemic? Dragon Prince and a very specific YouTuber’s play though of Bannerlord. Both of those got me to start HEMA which the physical activity and socialization helped me out immensely. Led to me getting involved in medieval shit and eventually the SCA. But on a more basic level: I could pretend I was not stuck alone in an apartment in Reno a country away from my family. Was definitely on an epic quest of some sort … was just currently stuck because the snows had made the mountain passes inaccessible for like a year.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: “they’re pixels” … yeah … and? Turns out our brains are real great at pretending they’re not pixels. It can sometimes go a little far - you can sometimes define your life by them and I personally think that can be maladaptive (but I do it too). Like sometimes you see something in fiction and your brain can log it as an IRL example of something - see why transphobic bullshit in movies can be super fucking harmful.

But like characters and stories and stuff? They’re meant to appeal to our emotions, they’re meant to get us invested as if they were real, and that can help people.

They’re pixels.

So what?

[oflgtfol]

can you PLEASE talk more about the guy fieri arg because seeing those three words together made my brain feel like it was collapsing and i need to know more

OKAY. to start things off i will say here is my guy fieri arg tag in chronological order, so you can see how it actually progressed over time. now, for the in-depth explanation:

JANUARY 22nd, 2021: THE BEGINNING

the tumblr icon on desktop changes to have guy fieri's facial hair and sunglasses. the featured post on the side of the dashboard was also a drawing of guy fieri. when you did inspect element on the dashboard, an ASCII art of guy fieri showed up in the console.

but the real confusion was that a banner appeared at the top of the desktop dashboard. it said "Welcome to Flavortown" in an obnoxious script font and has a photo of guy fieri on the side. when you clicked on it, it brought you to the blog fieriframes.tumblr.com, which is a blog that is like horrendously dedicated to created gifsets of diners, drive-ins, and dives. when i say this blog is horrendously dedicated, i mean a new gifset like every 3 hours. and it had been running for several years at that post (and it's still running apparently!!!). and it only ever got like 0-3 notes which is sad, so much effort for so little traction. absolute dedication

so everybody is a bit perplexed. why is tumblr promoting this random blog? you google "Guy fieri" and it turns out that it's his birthday today. woo! perhaps tumblr is just being fucking weird and deciding to celebrate guy fieri's birthday for no reason. whatever

most people brush it off as tumblr being silly. but a few curious people look a bit deeper. you look at some of fieriframes' posts and realize that the dialogue is... peculiar. it obviously is not from the show itself, or weirdly cropped in a way that no human would ever do. some have weird glitched cutoffs, or weird things edited onto them?? and the image descriptions were very insane and janky, not describing the gifs properly at all. the only thing the IDs captured correctly was the dialogue.

it's all very strange. but it looks like perhaps the reason the blog runs so regularly is that the gifsets are computer-generated, which would also explain why they're edited so weirdly. in the end it's all easy to brush off still

THEN ENTERS: et in arcadia ego

if you scrolled far enough down the blog to find last night's posts (yes, it posted so often that you had to scroll that far just to access posts from last night), you'd find the weirdest fucking gifset ever. the coloring is all black and white. the dialogue captions are the most cryptic ever, creepy almost even. the people's faces are blurred out by some black circle with white eyes. and in the image description, where it typed out the dialogue within the gifs, a few choice words are colored red.

if you look closely, a certain tag stands out. "et in arcadia ego." if you searched the blog for that tag alone and sorted by chrono, you'd see that the blog had been posting similar things once a day since december 28, 2020. the first few posts were relatively normal, with minimal editing other than the dialogue choices, but they quickly took on the black and white aesthetic and consisted of longer gifsets.

i began to trace through the et in arcadia ego tag and string the red words along together, because i figured they would form some sort of message. as of january 22nd, that message was:

carry my bones across the threshold soon it will be night you already have the map did you find me where is the world i know who you are

i then began compiling the complete list, including original dialogue as well as the red words, in this post.

aside: doctor phil m&m explanation

literally as this arg was slowly falling into place, with everyone crawling through fieriframes, the ASCII art in the tumblr dashboard inspect element code kept getting updated as well. it was switching between the guy fieri art, mentioned earlier, and also ASCII art of the doctor phil m&m meme in the "you know i had to do it to em" pose.

among the small group of people following the arg, this became a joke. and it eventually became a meme to crack ship guy fieri and doctor phil m&m. hence, phileri was borne. people made sideblogs specifically for the phileri memes, and then valentines day 2021, tumblr staff then pinned one such blog phileri-lovin.tumblr.com to the top of the dashboard with the "OTP <3" banner

JANUARY 23, 2021: THE CONTINUATION

as it was no longer guy fieri's birthday, the flavortown banner disappeared. the guy fieri tumblr logo disappeared. the featured post went back to normal. and the dashboard inspect element code stayed solid on the dr. phil m&m, no more swapping with guy fieri anymore. the tumblr dashboard was back to normal for most people. but this was not the end of the arg.

people continued to search through fileriframes in order to find more strange posts. among them was this post, in a similar aesthetic style to et in arcadia ego, but without being tagged. also, the dialogue is not in the latin alphabet, and the ID is unhelpful by simply listing a bunch of question marks. apparently those characters are from the Voynich manuscript, and using some cipher i don't understand, they discovered that the caption says something like

They used the (mord tanis tmuhh)

upon googling for any more information about this arg, i found that reddit users had found it before tumblr. here, they explain that tanis is some sort of podcast or something. tanis in particular is another recurring theme on fieriframes a la posts such as this.

my unfortunate break with the arg

so i stopped paying attention after like january 24th because that's right when my spring 2021 semester was starting. i don't know where it went from here or how it ended but i'm assuming it's as utterly insane as the start was. i think i read somewhere that it finished towards the end of february so that's like, a whole extra month of insanity. from an arg based around guy fieri.

[fancykraken]

I was tagged by @goatsandgangsters Thank you! 💕

1. Why did you choose your url?

When I first joined tumblr I used my LJ username but it didn’t feel right after a time so I switched to FancyKraken. I was sitting on the couch thinking what I could use (because all the urls I tried changing it to were taken), and a fancy kraken, complete with top hat and tea, just popped into my head without any prompting. So here we are.

2. Any side blogs?

Yes, I have @frost-iron, @mythicalnorseassholes, @littlemeyer, @gingerbunnie, a music blog (where I reblog music/fanmixes I like), and another personal side blog that I use for reblogging not safe work work stuff, aesthetics, and whatever else that may be of interest that I don’t want to annoy people with here. Plus I know I have people under 18 following me on this tumblr.

Out of all the blogs frost-iron and littlemeyer are the only ones that get used regularly.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

January 2010

4. Do you have a queue tag?

Pikaqueue

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

People on LiveJournal were talking about it so like any good hive minded individual I checked it out and signed up.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Because he’s an asshole, makes me angry, he’s my terrible fave, and he bleps a lot. So naturally he had to be my icon.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Because the fat kitty with balloons amuse me. 

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

I don’t have the link to the post, but it’s a gifset of Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston from the Thor: The Dark World world press tour. Somehow it got up to over 100k notes.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I dunno how to find that out.

10. How many followers do you have?

7,924 (although I’m sure a good 90% or more are inactive)

11. How many people do you follow?

551 (but most are inactive now and I’m too lazy to go through them all and unfollow)

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

I am pretty sure I have even though no specific post comes to mind.

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

Oh at least 2-3 times. When/if I post gifs in the morning, and/or I check on my lunch break and after work. Sometime’s in bed before I go to sleep.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I mean I guess I have. I haven’t really had any all out fight with another blog, just disagreements etc. 

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

Hate them even if they’re something that is important and with good information. If you add that then I will not reblog them. 

16. Do you like tag games?

I do! Even if I forget to complete them I still appreciate being thought of.

17. Do you like ask games?

I do when I’m in the mood and people actually send me an ask. 😂

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Uhmmmm... I mean I don’t think I have any the are “tumblr” famous, but I do have several that are more well known in their specific fandom spaces.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I did but they’re it’s very rare they post anymore. I do have several big platonic crushes, though, and would def hold hands with them if asked.

20. Tags!

This is long, so there’s zero pressure to do any of this: @portiaadams, @septembersghost, @scorpling, @saltydorkling, @pohjanneito, @mcudaredevil, @crewman-penelope, @skeletordidntdieforthis, and anyone else who wants to do this. 

[bedlamsbard]

So, I get the distaste for Rebels and The Bad Batch (definitely that last one), and I can certainly suggest @agoddamn's series of watching Clone Wars (because wow, I'd forgotten how poor that series could be), but with The Mandalorian, the most I can understand of your dislike of it is how it handles previous characters. Which, yeah, Filoni and his Precious OCs, but other than that, what about it? I mean, the plot/theme seemed simple to me: focusing on the relationship between Din and Grogu.

Ack, I didn't realize that out of context of my past ten years of fannishness and fannish engagement the takeaway from recent critical posts would be "Bedlam hates Star Wars," let alone "Bedlam hates Rebels"!

Look, I love Star Wars -- I genuinely do love Rebels and TCW, I'm very fond of Resistance and most of the films, and there are other parts of the ancillaries (books, comics, games) that I love, like, and/or enjoy. There are other parts of the saga that I dislike, a lot of it that I'm pretty neutral on because I just don't care; there's very little that I outright hate. (There are things that I avoid because I know I would hate them; I won't read Dark Disciple because the old EU Republic/Clone Wars comics from Dark Horse were formative for me and I'm not really over how Quinlan Vos's story line got retconned for TCW and thus the novel, so I don't feel the need to rub my face in it.)

I think, especially with Star Wars, there's a tendency to think that people only complain because they dislike or hate whatever it is they're complaining about it. I don't talk about the parts of Star Wars I actually hate because I frankly don't see the point in talking about the stuff I have no emotional investment in, or where my emotional investment only is distaste -- that's why I'll almost never talk about the ST. (And why I've only talked about the back half of Rebels S4, which I do genuinely hate, a handful of times over the years: I don't want to think about the thing I actually hate.) I talk about Rebels and TCW because those are the parts of Star Wars that I love and because I occasionally want to dig into why there are parts of them that just don't work for me. (And I do realize that if anyone pays attention to what I reblog and don't it may come off as me not liking them particularly; 99% of the time I only reblog TCW or Rebels gifsets immediately after I've rewatched episodes, and I haven't been doing rewatches lately for various reasons.) Critique doesn't mean "I hate it," it means "I want to think about this more on a critical level." It means "I love the puzzle pieces, why does the way they were put together not work for me? How could they have been done differently so that it would have worked for me?" Like I said a few weeks ago, while I don't want to actively add negativity to the fandom, I also don't really want to sit down and shut up if something isn't doing it for me if otherwise I love the thing; I want to figure out why it doesn't work. This is the flip side of "if you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all" -- I'm not talking to Dave Filoni or the other showrunners (and I would never say any of this to the face of anyone at Lucasfilm), I'm sitting here talking to myself and to my friends about why the puzzle pieces don't quite come together for me. (And the bonus of me putting it on Tumblr is that I can actually find it again, because sometimes I do want to go back and see what I said about XYZ.)

If I'm not actively talking about all the things I love about Rebels or TCW it's because I don't particularly feel the need to justify why Thing works for me, because I already know it works for me. Or because I spent the first two years or so of Rebels and big chunks of TCW doing episode liveblogs, which are on the back end of my "Bedlam watches Rebels" and "Bedlam watches TCW" tags, and I don't feel the need to come back and say "I love the way XYZ happened" six or seven times. Or because I think it would be obvious because I've written something around a million words of fanfic about the two of them. Or because I have three Rebels tattoos and am a Rebels cosplayer, which obviously I don't really talk about on Tumblr but is something that I personally know. I mostly have not talked about The Bad Batch publicly (and only a little privately) because mostly it's not doing much that triggers strong feelings in me one way or another, though I do have the whole "why are these puzzle pieces not working for me, how would I have put them together differently" feel about parts of it.

As for Mando specifically -- look, Mando's fine. I understand why it appeals to a lot of people, even if I am not one of those people. I don't particularly find Grogu appealing either on a character or an aesthetic level. I find that for me personally the show varies wildly in quality from episode to episode; I find it to be a little too clever about itself in how it deals with both the world, its plot, its place in the saga, and its characters in a way drives me up the wall. It hits a couple of really specific things that are huge do not wants for me and some of that is on a shallow note of "I don't like how they do their Twi'lek prosthetics" and some of it is "I don't particularly like the aesthetics" and some of it is a weightier "I'm confused about what the thematic points of the show are because they're all over the map" and yes, some of it is, "I don't like how Mando intersects or does not intersect with other parts of the saga." Or the way that it gets valorized for being live action rather than animated by a lot of the fandom and then gets elevated over the other parts of the saga that I care about the most (TCW and Rebels). I've talked in the past about how Mando genuinely made me feel gaslit, even if that was no one's intention and thus was not actually gaslighting; it just managed to hit on my specific issues. I don't talk about Mando that much because mostly I just don't care and when I do talk about it it's because it managed to trip into something I do care about.

And if I sound particularly cranky right now, it's because every time I say something critical and it starts making tracks out of my usual circles, someone comes in to go "wow! you must hate Star Wars!" or "wow! you care a lot about [aesthetic choice]! why would you care about that!" or "wow! you're an idiot for thinking XYZ would happen/not happen!" or variations thereof. I've been in fandom for twenty years. I've been in this fandom since George W. Bush was president. I know how it goes. I'm going to reiterate the post I made after the Mando finale:

in any expanded canon, people are going to have different deal-breakers on where they can suspend their disbelief and it’s not a judgment on you and yours if theirs is different than yours. nor does it automatically say something bad about them! it just means y’all have different priorities and that’s fine! neither one of you should be jumping down each other’s throat because their line in the sand is “this contradicts something in previous canon” and yours is “the CGI is unconvincing.”

I feel like I’ve been seeing a lot of condescension (rather than hostility, which tbh is par for the course in SW so I just tune it out) recently and like…people can have different priorities. it’s fine. they’re not stupid for having their priority be “I don’t like the prosthetics” when your priority is “character A was mean to character B.” don’t worry, Lucasfilm isn’t listening to any of us.

[talistheintrovert]

tag game!

tagged by the lovely @ninappon AGES ago lmao, thanks lovely <3

1. Why did you choose your url?

i'm a massive introvert who gets the most joy out of being alone and quiet evenings with a few of my closests friends, but i'm very good at *appearing* as if I'm the opposite, and i got tired of explaining to people that i'm not, in fact, an extrovert. it's my name for everything, but the downside is that people think it's an ironic joke dsfkljghdfk

2. Any side blogs?

i used to run a gimmick one for t100, but now i've just got my writing one which is where i only reblog my writing posts and fanfics

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

a decade or so, which is WILD to think about

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i do! it's a line from one of my favourite songs, Samson by Regina Spektor. "I loved you first." substituted with the word "queue" obvs

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was a dork who didn't have anyone to talk to about all the fandoms i liked, and tumblr had gifsets and metas and other people screaming about those things - what more could i want?

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

my amazing tumblr wife @fen-ha-fuck-you made it, and made the two previous iterations of my blog aesthetic as well, with only a colour scheme and some vague requests from me, and they've nailed it everytime because they are a goddess

7. Why did you choose your header?

my previous two icons were both hand related, and while my new one wasn't i didn't want to lost the hands theme because i am still gay, so abby made sure to put hands in the header

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

i think it's one i made during pride in 2020 collating tweets about blm and the protests, and then there are a few fandom posts with really similar notes counts right after it

9. How many mutuals do you have?

a bunch!! not exactly sure lol, but i adore them all

10. How many followers do you have?

1,455 and i've been telling myself i'll do another follower celebration when i hit 1,500 so if anyone has ideas for that, pls let me know!!

11. How many people do you follow?

over 500 lmao

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

i haven't shitposted but i have made a number of posts that would probably be considered shit dkfljghdflkjhgdk

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

i do not count kdlfghsgjdf

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

yes, a very long time ago

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

if this means "we should be reblogging more on this site" posts then HELL YEAH!! reblog everything!! if this means those "why haven't you reblogged this hyperspecific thing i have decided it is a crime to not know about posts" i hope they die off, there's no point in guilting people into reblogging a post with depressing world news etc. just because you personally have decided they must - people come to this website to escape those things

16. Do you like tag games?

Yes! Don't hesitate to send them my way!

17. Do you like ask games?

Yes!! it's been a while since i've done any though

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@fen-ha-fuck-you @clarkgriffon @enigmasandepiphanies @liyazaki @laowen also they're all super talented you should follow themmm

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

do my tumblr wives count as "crushes"? i feel like this is a mutual romantic and platonic connection at this point sdkfljghkjf

20. No-pressure tags: @anyone who wants to do this lol

[mrsluthordanvers]

This may seem like a really random question but has writing and reading femslash helped you come into your sexual and/or gender identities? I've been in the Supergirl fandom and other primarily f/f fandoms for quite some time and this is something that I've been wondering about recently.

Yes!!

This got really long, and really rambly, and probably tells more about my experience with fandom then you needed to know to answer this question. But here it is lol

I grew up in a relatively conservative and catholic family with limited access to media both bc of this and bc my family was low income. I remember as a little kid we only had a couple channels and when we did get cable when I was older, my parents would stop pay for it during summer months because they wanted us to go outside.

The only gay media I remember ever seeing growing up in my parents house was Imagine Me & You. I caught it once on TV and I have vivid memories of realizing what I was watching and sitting on the edge of the couch paranoid that my parents would come downstairs and catch me watching it. I remember setting up the remote so that when I hit the quick back button it would take me back to some cartoon channel. And glee. Which I was surprisingly actually allowed to watch. I was always waiting for it to get turned off but it never was.

Both my parents were very big on encouraging reading. When we asked for books, it was almost the only time I don’t remember being told no. I remember I spent tons of time in libraries as a kid and it was one of the only places I was allowed to go after school by myself when I was in junior high. And I loved to write, my mom was always asking her to tell me stories and I was always writing in journals.

Basically what I’m saying is that I really did Not have exposure to the gay community. And looking back it seems really natural that I started reading and writing femslash.

It took me a long time to get into though, and to seek out. Instead I was sneaking Nora Roberts books out of the library at grade 7 because they had sex in them. Sex, I thought, that was safe/healthy/whatever because these were the books my sister was reading. Plus my mom said they were too mature for me, and what’s a better motivator then being told no. I didn’t find famslash until very late into high school bc it never even occur to me that I could be reading cheesy romances that were f/f instead.

My first experience actually reading femslash was Rizzles fics on ff.net. I honestly have no idea how I found it bc at the time I couldn’t have told you what fandom was, or that tumblr existed. The only thing I remember knowing about fanfic was that if you said you read fanfic people assumed you were reading about weird sex about characters and would laugh at you. Honestly I might have only found fanfics bc glee was really big at the same time and I was probably hearing people talk about ships and fanfic even if I don’t remember it now. Either way I found it lol. And I read A Lot of rizzoli and isles fics.

And it helped. Towards the end of high school was when it really started to dawn on me that I might like girls and I didn’t have words for it, I didn’t know there was a community, and there certainly wasn’t people I was willing to ask.

Reading femslash was like opening a door. Suddenly I was being introduced to the same kind of cheesy romance writing I was already reading. I was being introduced to the idea of two women going on dates. Having healthy relationships. Having unhealthy relationships. Soft sex. Rough sex. Falling in love. Getting married. Having kids. And it really started to solidify that I liked women.

Up until that point the idea of being gay scared the fuck out of me bc what I knew was so limited, to me being gay = being alone. It meant I wasn’t allowed to have any of those things and I really resisted that.

Reading femslash was a big part of changing that perspective. It made me comfortable enough to tell a girl at 19 I had a crush on her. It helped me feel like it was okay to tell people I wasn’t straight when I went to university. It prompted me to search out more gay media when I went to university. I started to watch glee again. I watched DEBS, and Imagine Me and You, and Saving Face, and Gray Matters, and Bloomington, and Kissing Jessica Stein, and Loving Annabelle. Basically I went through the LGBT section of Netflix in a year. 

A friend introduced me to tumblr and told me there was a big gay community. I followed some cool people and aesthetic blogs but honestly I still wasn’t quite finding it.

Then I watched The 100 while it was in season 2 in my last year of university. Completely unaware of Clarke and Lexa. I became obsessed lol. They kissed on screen and it was like a switch went off. I don’t know why it was that show instead of anything else I had been watching that spurred me on. But it did. I started looking up accounts on tumblr and following people and reading so so so much fanfic. I had started to find that vast community on tumblr my friend mentioned and started sending people asks and saw people actually answering asks, and posting their art and their writing. It encouraged me to try writing again, and ask a couple people if they would read stuff I posted.

And then supergirl came out and I was soooo excited for it that I started to try mimicking accounts I saw in the clexa fandom. I figured out how to make gifsets, and I liveblogged, and my friend told me to make a side fandom blog or she’d unfollow me lmao. Which I also didn’t know people did. I started this blog just before season 2 happened and it made for the perfect storm. I already had a small following, I was making content (even if it wasn’t great), and Lena got introduced. And suddenly I REALLY discovered how vast the gay community is bc it was suddenly knocking at my door. It was also a big BIG learning curve.

I was reading people’s fanfics and looking at their fanart. I was seeing depictions of different sexualities. And how two characters can be interpreted in such vastly different ways. I was being shown perspectives I hadn’t seen before, some that made me stop and go. Oh. It helped me identify my first label, and then also taught me labels can change, and mine did. I wasn’t just reading fics about two women in a relationship, I was opening fics and seeing me. I saw a piece of fanart of Butch Kara and thought, she looks like me. And then I started to see people writing about butch Kara and commenting about butch Kara and it wasn’t just, she looks like me. It became she looks like me, and that is desirable. And that gave me confidence. I stopped shaving, my wardrobe has started to change, I started buying things I wanted to wear not that I thought I should wear. I learned I wanted people to see me and think I was handsome or attractive before they thought I pretty or cute lol

Writing femslash has a different kind of self reflection. I like to think I have started to notice when I project things on to characters, and think about why those things are important to me. Or why I get defensive over certain headcanons. All things that have made me step back and look at my own sexuality and gender identity. Which honestly I’m still figuring out and is still changing, but I’ve learned that’s okay too (fanfic has also normalized that for me lol)

Art is meant to make you feel things, think about things. I don’t think fanfic or fanart is any different. Sometimes it is just meant to make you feel you horny and sometimes it makes you reflect on whether or not you might be butch. Personally I think it’s very cool that it’s so powerful

[morkofday]

2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash) 

Me

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!) 

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020  

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x]. 

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red. 

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote. 

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end. 

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D: 

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D 

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment). 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D 

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’) 

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more! 

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥) 

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone! 

[qinghe-s]

GETTING TO KNOW ME

i was tagged by @melodious-tear ♥

why did you choose your url?

i feel like that’s obvious to anyone who’s followed me for, like, two days. i know where my heart belongs. besides, the aesthetic of cql!qinghe fucks

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

well, this. i also run @masseffectcaps although i haven’t posted in a few months; i probably will again once i get my hands on the legendary edition. i started it because original default female shepard didn’t get the respect she deserves from bioware especially. don’t get me started on this bc i will not shut up. i have a lot of feelings.

@celestecraft used to be popular on mineblr; i went on a lot of adventures while playing with a small group of friends and wanted to save them in some way + sharing a hobby is fun. in the past i also had a fairly well-known lgbtq+ blog and a terry pratchett-centric one but that was years ago and my energy to keep up with providing things for others (rather than just enjoying myself) waned.

how long have you been on tumblr?

t...twelve years by now... oh no

do you have a queue tag?

nah. i used to, on my personal, but i almost exclusively post things through the queue so it doesn’t feel like it matters.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

i was lured into this fandom because a good friend of mine played a character based on him in a d&d oneshot and i was immediately and helplessly charmed, saw this gifset a little while later and told her “this. this will make me watch your show” and, well.

it started consuming enough brain space, especially as i was reading the book, that it made sense to keep it contained rather than expose my original followers to this endlessly when they come for — actually i don’t know. pretentious aesthetic and me being gay over star trek women (well, janeway, mainly) and crying over mass effect?

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

that woman is wife city to me. it was nhs previously because... baby

why did you choose your header?

it matches my blog background on desktop. that’s it. it’s for the aesthetic.

what’s your post with the most notes?

on this blog it’s probably this one of me calling lwj a bitch (honorific). i believe this wangxian fic i wrote for vday is a close second. (a couple of my gifsets of nie mingjue looking beautiful are gaining though which is very pleasing to me)

i also have a few posts that have reached the thousands on my mass effect blog, but i don’t keep track of those anymore.

how many followers do you have?

five hundred... something. six hundred? who knows.

how many people do you follow?

a couple of hundred? many are lgbtq+ resource blogs that post very infrequently though, so my dash generally isn’t that cluttered

have you ever made a shitpost?

a couple! i’m not all that funny (perk of being my friend is that you’ll always be the funny one, it’s the main service i provide) but the bitch!lwj one and an outofcontextyaoi text post edit.

how often do you use tumblr each day?

ehh, depends. some days i’ll only check in at night and refresh the dash once in a while when doing other things, other days my brain requires constant input and i’ll open the app on my phone every hour. there is no average.

did you have a fight/argument with a blog once?

yeah, but not here. i pissed a lot of people off a few years ago when i expressed my opinion on sexist portrayals of women in video games in general and mass effect specifically. my opinion was sexism = bad and some people decided that i was wrong and it’s empowering to put career soldiers in styled hair and a full face of makeup for the sake of marketing, actually, while male characters get to have weathered faces and grey hair. it was a fun time. (it was not)

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this post’?

my dashboard is carefully curated and i never see those posts. are they still common? because they suck. don’t guilt people into caring.

do you like tag games?

mostly, yeah! sometimes they require energy i simply don’t have but i also think they’re a nice way to interact without having a direct conversation

do you like ask games?

i’m a lot less fond of those, personally. the chain letter type in particular.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

a lot of them are well known in the fandom actually! which makes me question why they follow me but i am always flattered

do you have a crush on a mutual?

oh absolutely @evakant since we decided we were willing to die for each other after one conversation. wenzhou levels of love happening here.

i’m gonna tag already-mentioned @evakant because reasons but also some people i see in my notes a lot but haven’t talked to — feel free to ignore but also let’s be friends ♥

@shippingsavesmylife @radishsizhui @ahatfullofwords @inappropriatewenning @whateverthemoonhasalwaysmeant

[charmingyong]

Big thanks to @cosmiclatte28 because there's something I wanted to share with everyone about my activity on here from now on.

1. Why did you choose your url? charmingyong 》 charm (my name almost) ing (make it an adjective) yong (taeyong)

... and Yong is charming :P

2. Any side blogs? If you have any, then name them and say why do you have them

@yongiesland for taeyong gifsets exclusive cuz I needed a space for me to look at all his gifs I've reblogged

Have another one with my old url saved just for backup I guess, and another one private and inactive. I do have another one and that's for people to find on their own ;)

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? March 2018 and started using the reblog function in June

4. Do you have a queue tag? Nope. What you see is me actively posting it

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? I can't remember. It's the biggest mystery and is the best step ever! But the first thing I started doing was reblogging taeyong fics

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? I LOVE that ig story post. The setting, the colours, the angle, that dessert looks good (i hope it is), the way he poses. So yeah lol

7.  Why did you choose your header? The second I found that I fell in love. So aesthetically pleasing with the tea, roses, the book

8. Which post of yours has the most notes? Oh no I don't like going back to my stories to see the numbers but I'll do it for this :P and the winner is... Only Fate Can Tell with 237 notes (as expected lol)

9.  How many mutuals do you have? 7 🙈 I'm sorry I don't know how to start convo but feel free to talk to me!! And this goes for everyone!!

10. How many followers do you have? 199 like wow! Thank you and I hope you enjoy your stay while you're here!

11.  How many people do you follow? 17 and this is the sad part if you remember my number a while back. It's a big drop and I kind of said it already in my previous posts as so many people have left from here over time :( from now on I will just focus on posting my writings to share with you all (and ofc checking out @cosmiclatte28's incorrect quotes cuz THEY MAKE MY DAY!!!)

12. Have you ever made any shitposts? What's that? I don't think so?

13. How often do you use tumblr? I used to everyday but... now I'll only come on here when I have something to post or want to check my messages/inbox.

14. Did you ever had a fight or argument with other blog? Who won? Fight? WHY???

15. How do you feel about 'you need to compare this' posts? Sorry what? I've never seen this

16. Do you like tag games? Sure! I don't like exposing myself too much but I'll likely do them in my head if so

17.  Do you like ask games? Never done it but I'm down to answer anything you ask me :)

18. Which one of your mutual do you think is tumblr famous? Pretty sure all of them :D

[minusninelives]

tag game

Thanks for tagging me @tinnike It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these posts. I’m also in the middle work, bored to death so this is a good distraction.

1. Why did you choose your URL? My URL is a part of a lyric from the song Panic Station by Muse. I adore Muse and this particular lyric always sounded like it could be a good name for a blog.

2. Any side blogs? Nope, none.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? Oh man! I had to go through my archive to see how long I’ve been on this hellsite and I’ve been here since January 2012. Does that make me one of the OG tumblr users? I’ve been on and off though, there was long period of time when I was completely off tumblr. I usually pop back when I’m obsessing over something in particular.

4. Do you have a queue tag? Nope, and I don’t know how it works despite having been here for so long. Never bothered to check.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? I don’t quite remember. At that time, I was part of a Muse community on LiveJournal and some folks there had tumblr. I was curious and wanted to check it out. That was the time I was properly introduced to what being in a fandom was all about.

6. Why did you choose your icon? Cos I’m in love with the man in my icon 🖤 My icon is a good way to tell what is ruining my life right now (in the best way possible). I adore Richard and Rammstein so it seemed fitting that I use his picture. He looks like a silver prince.

7. Why did you choose your header? Same reason as above, I guess. But I’ve been thinking about changing it to a more aesthetic shot of Rammstein or maybe something else entirely.

8. What's your post with the most notes? I have no idea. I used to post a lot of photo edits of people, musicians and movies that I like along with quotes. I used to be a graphic designer (UX designer now) so I loved playing around on Photoshop, editing photos and such. I remember one with Muse getting a lot of notes. So, maybe it’s that one.

9. How many mutuals do you have? I don’t know what this means. I guess this means how many I follow follow me? I don’t know that number.

10. How many followers do you have? 135

11. How many people do you follow? 103

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? Oh yes, I think I might’ve.

13. How often do you use tumblr each day? A lot! I’ve been coming back to tumblr a lot. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten bored with Instagram. I’m on explore or even searching for a specific tag quite often. The content on tumblr is so unique and nothing can match its level of insanity 😆

14. Have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog. Who won? Nope. I barely interact with other users. Just reblog and enjoy the posts. Off late, however, I’ve been interacting with some lovely folks in the Rammstein fandom. 

15. How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts? There are times when I get influenced by those. Mostly because I don’t want any bad mojo because of my own subconscious.

16. Do you like tag games? Yes, I do! Please keep tagging me 😄

17. Do you like ask games? I feel like I might. But I’ve never tried it or never had enough followers to try it I suppose.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I think each fandom has a few accounts who are popular, either for creating amazing gifsets or for the wikipedia of info they seem to have. Not really an answer but I don’t know what else to say.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? I guess the equivalent of a crush on tumblr is to feel seen or included in a group that likes the same things you do. At least that’s how I see it. So yeah, I guess I do have favourites and I like it when I can be part of their little circle.

Tagging some mutuals I guess 😛

@witchmoon @notafraidofredyellowandblue @creepycaro @myvirtuallove @acertaindragoncollection @butterfliesandresistance

[carltonlassie]

Thanks for tagging me @cobraking <3

1. why did you choose your url?

My main — I was into The Who, and surprisingly Underture wasn’t taken like Quadrophenia. Never got around changing it, really.

For this blog, I’ve switched thru so many urls of my fixations at the moment lol and then I settled on twitoftheyear for a long while (which is from a Monty Python skit Upper Class Twit of the Year). And then Psych & Carlton Lassiter happened and I obviously I wanted to use carltonlassiter but it was taken, so I settled on this url.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

My other sideblog is @cueone because cueonego (which is my ao3 username) was taken. it’s all confusing. There’s just way too many blogs and urls. Why. There used to be a system where I post mostly film & tv on my main, aesthetic posts dumb memes on that blog and personal posts on this blog, but idk what I’m doing anymore. I kinda regret making separate blogs for every little thing, because it’s just way too scattered now.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

On tumblr since late 2000s I’m guessing; I don’t really remember since I don’t go on my first account anymore. on this account since 2011?2012? Tumblr is Hotel California but where else would I engage in critical media analysis of shows that are not meant for it

4. do you have a queue tag?

Little did u know my main is mostly running on queue....! This blog, I reblog like 50 posts in a row and disappear and rinse & repeat

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was watching a lot of American shows, and a lot of the gifs and memes were from tumblr! So I had to join! But then i didn’t start using it properly until I joined my first fandom (person of interest)

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Here—Hehe man silly and give me serotonin

Main—hehe twink small and give me serotonin

7. why did you choose your header?

Here—Hehe more man silly and give me serotonin. I think this set of icon & header is the first time in a LONG while I was dedicated enough to open up my photoshop dkjfhshf and now I’m back to fandom nonsense!

Main—I think I saved it to use as my wallpaper, I like art n it looked cool. I needed something for the blog after tumblr updated its app and I haven’t touched it since

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Probably this gifset of doctor who on my main clocking at 77k(?!). It’s from 2013 back when people reblogged a lot haha. Oh god next up is a Sherlock gifset 😭 tumblr was very different back then.

on this blog? Idk. Probably the screenshots of Johnny & Miguel interaction about his softcore porn photo shoot? Or this one?

9. how many mutuals do you have?

No idea! There’s probably a lot that I don’t know that we’re mutuals lmao. Idk, as long as we all have fun reblogging the same 5 posts of man tits, adding increasingly incoherent comments in the tags. that’s really all there is to it on this webbed site

10. how many followers do you have?

I have not checked and do not want to check

11. how many people do you follow?

~350? But probably a lot of them are no longer active, since I’ve had them since 2012 and a lot of people have moved on

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Why come on tungle.bungle if not to make a shit post without fearing the consequences

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I check on this app like it’s my morning news. Whose man tiddies are we sexualizing today, besties?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I don’t think so lol. I usually just block if someone gets annoying enough, but I haven’t had to do that in a while other than for pornbots

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Ur not my mom! If u are, what are u doing here!

16. do you like tag games?

Yeah! I over think them a little too much, but I love subjecting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known

17. do you like ask games?

I don’t reblog a lot of them because I don’t really get asks after it, but when I do it love it!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

What does it mean to be famous on this App... literally the best part about tumblr is not knowing if this blog has 10k followers or none! we can act all silly on here like equal silly beings

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Like as in I wanna be friends with them? Absolutely. I wanna be friends with every one of them but I’m so BAD at TALKING

20. tags?

Huh? Oh!

@ceruleangold @send-it-to-the-internet @justveeing @mimsyaf @bobakick

[thewanderingace]

Tagged by @let-the-whump-commence. Thanks!!

1. why did you choose your url?

I had just come out as asexual and felt, at the time, that I was just wandering through life with no purpose so....the wandering ace. It's this blog's third url.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

So many. I have ones for whump, stargate, history, hawaii five-0, art inspiration, broadway, mental health, and marching band.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Since June 2012!! Which is crazy and feels like forever!

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yup. A simple "this is a queue"

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Because while sitting in the cyber cafe waiting for classes to start during undergrad I saw some funny posts and wanted a place to save them so I created a blog.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Well my previous one, apparently, according to some people, thought it looked rather....suggestive lol and i couldn't stop seeing it. And I'm obsessed with the Weeping Monk from Cursed so I chose my favorite image of him for my new icon :)

7. why did you choose your header?

It's aesthetically pleasing. I love fall. I love castles.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

According to this one website, it would be this gifset I made of Klaus Hargreeves holding Dave's dogtags while the world ends. I love that. I'm proud of that set.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Not a clue to be honest but I love them!

10. how many followers do you have?

2,348

11. how many people do you follow?

416

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

Honestly? Yeah probably lol.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

A lot. More than I should lol. I check it on an off pretty much all day

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

OOf yeah a few times over the last 8 years on tumblr. Kinda hard not to. But nothing too crazy and I stopped talking to them after a few minutes. And not at all recently cause I don't have the time or energy for that bullshit.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

They're stupid. Reblog what you want, don't guilt people into reblogging things

16. do you like tag games?

Love them!

17. do you like ask games?

Sure do!

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

None that I know of? I honestly don't know lol

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nope sorry. I love them but all platonically :)

20. tags?

[synecdochereads]

Six of Crows – review

Someone said, “heist movie but it’s a fantasy setting,” and I’ve been on the lookout for this book ever since. I finally found it in the clearance section of Half Price Books, and then—couldn’t read it. I got through the first chapter, I started the second, I put it down, and I didn’t pick it up again. Not sure why, but frankly this has less to do with the book than with me. I’ve been erratic about reading for, oh, years now – either I can’t focus for more than a few pages at a time, or I spend every waking moment with my nose in the book. There’s no middle ground. There’s no telling which way the cards will fall.

All of this to say, it’s not the book’s fault that it took me so long. But then the show came out, I watched it gleefully with my mom, and somehow having seen the characters onscreen made it easier to slip into their heads on the page. Two days later, I’ve inhaled the entire book as fast as I could get away with, and I’m in love.

This isn’t a regular book review – I’m terrible at ranking things, and the five-star system gives me anxiety. It’s mostly just some Thoughts™ neatly sorted for clarity, and hopefully reading over them will help you decide if you should pick this book up and fall in love with it like I did.

Mind the cut!

Characters

I am in love with them.

It probably helps that I’ve been looking forward to this book for ages, I’ve seen lots of gifsets and the occasional meta post, and of course I did watch three out of six crows swan about being fantastic for an entire season of a show that’s not even about them. But it’s not just that. There are a lot of technical literary ways you can analyze characters – arcs, themes, etc – but quite apart from all of that there’s just…are they compelling? They don’t have to be, for a book to be good, but it sure does help. And these six characters are so compelling.

(Also really likeable, which is even less necessary for a good story but which I do personally value. And I like these kids, I really do. Even Kaz “I commit atrocities without shame or remorse” Brekker. Wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley, or even a well-lit avenue! But I care about him and want him to succeed.)

It’s hard to devote equal time to six character arcs while also running a fantasy heist. Bardugo doesn’t try, but even the crows who get less screen time have complexity and depth. They’re all well fleshed-out, with full and distinct personalities and all that – on a technical level, these are really well-crafted characters. Top notch. Plus everyone struggles with different traumas and goals, and handles them in different ways, which gives us wonderfully varied arcs as they each move toward a deeper understanding of themselves, for better or for worse.

It also gives us really varied dynamics – some of them hate each other, some of them love each other, some manage to do both at once, some are just along for the ride. It’s as they pull at each other’s ragged edges that the story forms, in their different desperate needs and in what they can and cannot be for each other.

The show smoothed over a lot of the sharp edges and grey morality, most notably in Kaz. Kaz Brekker is a bad person. He does bad things for selfish reasons. His arc isn’t Learning To Be Good, it’s an ongoing question of whether he might, for the sake of the first person he has (quite accidentally) let himself love, consider maybe perhaps being slightly less of an amoral monster. I’ve seen this book described as “fantasy Leverage episode” but it’s really more Ocean’s Eleven, if Danny Ocean was a vicious bastard and everyone was seventeen.

And that’s great. I love that so much! Especially because the other crows run the gamut from shining idealism to casual self-interest (with a fun detour into “shining idealism but the ideal is violent bigotry”), so we really do get a morally complex story, without any easy black-and-white answers. One of the most kind-hearted people in the whole story has committed multiple murders and dreams of becoming a pirate. Kaz Brekker may do bad things for selfish reasons, but a lot of those selfish reasons boil down to “survive.” It’s complicated! It’s compelling!

Plot

It’s a fantasy heist, what more do you need?

Plots and counter-plots, double-crosses and last-minute improvisations. Magic, though it’s used as just another tool, as impressive and as prosaic as the gunslinger’s pistols. Dramatic climbs, elaborate disguises, cunning grifts, and some good old-fashioned sleight-of-hand. Six wildly competent teenagers, one impossible job, and four million fantasy dollars waiting for them if they can pull it off.

Well, okay, that’s just half of the story – maybe two thirds. The rest is flashbacks, showing us how these characters met and how they came to be the people they are; and stolen moments in between the action beats, where we see how they’re changing each other. It’s woven in really deftly. Our knowledge of the characters expands in time with the forward momentum of the plot, so that both parts of the story – the sorrows of the past and the edge-of-your-seat excitement of the present – get their hooks in you in tandem.

Worldbuilding

There are two settings in this book: Ketterdam, where we begin, and the Ice Court, where the bulk of the action takes place. The wider world outside these two cities is sketched in, alluded to in offhand comments and minor details of backstory. In theory, reading the Grisha trilogy would fill in those sketches, but I suspect it doesn’t matter. This is a heist story, after all: one entrance, one exit, and all the traps laid firmly between the two.

You know that thing authors do sometimes where they use the aesthetic of a real time and place, in the names and the architecture and so on, as a sort of worldbuilding shorthand? I’m a big fan of that. Ketterdam is clearly based on post-medieval Holland, perhaps in the late 17th century or so – a city of canals and commerce, with a ruling merchant class and a thriving criminal underworld, and a stock exchange at the heart of the wealthier district. The similarities feel like they’re just skin-deep – I don’t know that much about post-medieval Holland, but I’m pretty sure Bardugo has her own plans for the political situation in the wider world, which I assume is relevant in the Grisha trilogy. Here it’s not, and we have just enough detail to get a quick feel for the city, with extra importance granted to the politics of the various criminal gangs Kaz needs to worry about.

If I’m honest, I would have enjoyed a bit more detail in the worldbuilding. Ketterdam is vibrant and crowded, but it feels shallow; the only information we get is what relates directly to the characters’ actions. We’re told that it’s a big and complex city, but I don’t really have any idea what goes on there beyond, vaguely, “trade, gambling, and tourism.” But that’s probably just me. I’m unreasonably invested in worldbuilding. And anyway, we do get everything we need to understand the actual story.

The same is true in the Ice Court, the frozen capital of the Fjerdans. It’s a beautiful place, white and gleaming, and the parts that we see are incredibly vivid. We get scant glimpses of history and religion, the faintest suggestion of politics, and exactly enough of the city layout to understand the heist. We do, however, get a much deeper understanding of Fjerdan culture than we did of Ketterdam’s, because one of the crows defines himself utterly by the Fjerdan worldview, and his arc is largely about the difficulty of losing his place in that world and not knowing if or how he can ever get it back.

So yeah, we really do get everything we need to appreciate the story and the characters. I would have liked more, because I like worldbuilding, but what we do get is varied and satisfying.

Themes

I can’t really go in depth here without spoilers, so this’ll be a pretty vague section. I haven’t gone full lit-major on this book and I don’t especially plan to, but at a glance, the central theme is the tension between, in short, love and vengeance.

In long, several of the crows have the choice to embrace love as a force for healing and joy, or instead hold onto the (often violent) goals that have driven and defined them for so long. If they embrace love, it’ll mean letting go of the driving purpose that has kept them alive, and risking their whole identity (and possibly their lives) on a new purpose. It’s scary! It might ruin them! And it’s really not as easy as “love conquers all.”

(Big advantage of an ensemble cast: you can explore the same theme in different ways, with different outcomes, without having to settle for a single “answer” to the question posed by the theme. I really love it when that happens, honestly.)

It’s also not just romantic love! I mean it mostly is, but one of the crows has an arc that’s really about self-love, about learning to trust and prioritize not just your survival, but your happiness, your goals, and your ideals. About putting yourself first, not in a selfish way, but in a healthy, loving way. It’s really lovely, and although it has no bearing on the plot (it’s an internal moment of revelation), it’s one of my favorite things about the whole story.

[im-not-a-joke]

Here’s a super niche au that only me and @eraseyourbookofstories will appreciate but I couldn’t help myself

The Party but on tumblr things

(This might be confusing, just go with it)

ok so before we get into this here’s my explanation - stranger things exists but the people we’re talking about here aren’t the characters, they just happen to have the same names (and also look and act identical but just go with it)  (queenie feel free to correct me if i’m wrong)

- first lets talk blogs

starting with el (main - waffleiron side - eggosenby11) - she is the biggest show!byler shipper ever and posts really specific (and correct) theories and when they get confirmed shes just like “CALLED IT”

max (madmaxs) is a huuuge show!elmax shipper and also bullies show!mike (and later tumblr!mike) on main 24/7

lucas’ blog (main - only-correct-opinions side - wtfisademogorgon) is mainly analyses of shows and movies that he likes with the occasional meme thrown in there, he personality really shines through in his tags and when he answers asks (but we’ll come back to the ask thing)

will’s (zomboy) celeb crush is finn wolfhard and he runs an it stan account, he’s very gay on main all the time and constantly reblogs those “date a boy who x” things, he is mutuals with el for a long time before this takes place, and they are good friends

dustin’s blog (dustinthewind) starts out as strictly dnd stuff, but his interests take over on now it’s a mess of fandom content and random facts and aesthetic dice

mike (finnwolfhardstolemyface) writes gay fanfic, i don’t make the rules. he makes a lot of memes and his blog is a bright yellow that hurts to look at, it’s titled “your daily dose of shitpost” (he also tends to complain about how they ruined show!mike’s character in s3)

jonathan (just-a-dude-and-his-camera) runs an aesthetic photography account, and occasionally steve shows up in his pictures, his pinned post reads “please stop complimenting the guy in my pictures, i already have to deal with him everyday, and if his head gets any bigger, it’s going to explode”

steve is too cool for tumblr but he likes to post jonathan’s stuff on his insta (he will, however, send jonathan a bunch of anons being cute, he signs them all “- your bf <3″

nancy (purple-roses) posts a lot of feminism and activism stuff and will roast the shit out of bigots that decide to mess with her (it makes robin like her even more)

robin (chasing-dreamcatchers) just kinda vibes, she reblogs whatever she wants, and posts usually about being a lesbian or dumb things steve does or her original poetry

- el is enby and uses she/her and they/them pronouns, they follow a ton of enby positivity blogs and reblog a bunch of positivity posts

- Dustin the trans guy reblogs trans ask games constantly

- el is decently well known in the little gay corner of the st fandom, so the rest of the party follows her

- she is mutuals with only mike and will at first, but she doesn’t really interact with mike

- will introduces her to the concept of show!elmax and she’s all “!!!! gay!!!”

- she proceeds to follow the elmax queen, max

- max is all “wait wait hold up waffleiron followed me w h a t”

- lucas and dustin are mutuals and don’t interact a lot but they do occasionally send each other asks

- max is also mutuals with lucas and dustin and she is a chaotic force in their inboxes

- will follows mike because curiosity and stays because he likes mike’s writing and his personality

- el recommends max’ blog to will and they become mutuals after max sees that el interacts with will’s posts a lot (“if they like him, i probably will too”)

- eventually they all become mutuals and interact in each other’s inboxes a lot and spam asks and have a decent foundation to their friendship

- dustin makes a passing comment about a discord server and theyre all like “!!! yes!!!”

- dustin and lucas start sending each other crush anons

- they also know each other irl so theyre both conflicted

- so dustin makes a discord server for the six of them and it’s chaos

- max starts bullying mike on her blog

- mike starts posting about a mystery boy (its will) on his blog and being a big gay disaster on main

- will is all “why doesn’t he like me :(”

- el comes out by reblogging a gifset of sadie sink and tagging it like “marry me pls”

- everyone is like “what” and theyre like “oh i like girls”

- max panics

- will occasionally will make a post like “friendly reminder that finn wolfhard is very pretty” 

- mike and max are both like “hmmmmmm my crush has a celeb crush on a celeb that looks very similar to me,,,, must be a coincidence”

- they discover that they all live along the east coast so they plan to meet in virginia where lucas and dustin live

- steve, robin, and jonathan all chaperone will

- nancy chaperones mike and is all “excited to see your bf” the whole time

- “hEs NoT mY bOyFrIeNd”

- when they meet, nancy and robin are both like “holy shit she’s prettier in person”

- all the adults exchange phone numbers and have a groupchat because steve doesnt have tumblr or discord

- steve tells embarrassing stories about will and will is all “stop” and mike is in love

- dustin and lucas are like “it’s you!!” and dustin is like “i think i’m the only trans guy named dustin in virginia, it wasn’t exactly a challenge”

- theyre not conflicted now that they know their tumblr crush and irl crush are the same person

- will and el make eye contact for the first time and launch themselves into a bone-crushing hug

- max and el have a moment in the pool in the middle of the night where they end up talking about crushes and describing each other and el is like “i like you” and max is relieved and they become a thing

- they’re all crying at the end of the week when they have to go back and will and mike are messaging the discord constantly because they don’t have to drive, lucas and dustin are there too

- mike and nancy are both gay panicking on the way home and its weirdly silent for most of the ride

[jidai]

now I'm curious who are your favourite graphic makers and why?

long post ahead. 

i’m not the most eloquent individual so i apologize for my descriptions. it’s not a definitive list but:

@nathanprescutt if you look through benn’s portfolio, you can see that he experiments a lot with style, typography, composition, and colors. he doesn’t limit himself to a specific style or “genre” so when you click pg 1 vs pg 6, his edits are quite different from each other. i’m a huge advocate for artists to be experimental and go out of their “box” so i really respect his decision to branch out and try different things. benn also creates some elements/parts of his gfx himself, like creating a burnt photo effect (that looked really realistic btw wow).

@tomura where do i start with fran, hmm. i think i can speak for most when i say that fran’s graphics are so gorgeous and out of this world.  i really don’t think even my words can do her work’s justice. you have people like me to experiments with textures, colors, typography in photoshop and then you have fran just hard flexing on us with illustrator, after effects, and photoshop. fran’s works are extremely clean, official, and experimental. she’s very dedicated to her craft and you see it very well in the number of details in her work, even if they are minimalist. i really look up to her--like, her works are legit and i would pay for them. fran if you see this, please sign my baseball cap. 

@gray​ jei’s work is a pot full of magic, wonders, and talent. one of the most experimental gfx creator i’ve seen. i really appreciate the fact that they actually use the subject as a part of their work (i.e cutting oikawa’s head open and inserting a snake plant into it). have you seen someone cut a character’s body parts up like that and make it into gfx? i also really love that they experiment with various color palettes that i wouldn’t think of and voila it’s mona lisa 2.0. their works are so complex and interpretive. if anything, i truly respect their dedication to details.

@biscuitwalk i like to describe their work as “fun and whimsical” lol. i’m personally a huge fan of using halftones/noise/patterns in my work and biscuit’s works are prime examples of how gorgeous it can be if it’s utilized properly. their works are really colorful and their composition is so refreshing. their portfolio is so impressive, like these are works that i would see in pros or behanced. they take a very bold approach in their work and i respect them a lot for it.

@rokuseis sei’s work is really cute and fun! i really like how she game-ifies... games.... lol she basically takes a pre-existing game and spins them into something fun like turning kingdom hearts into a casino, god bless her soul. her tarot card series is really pretty, too! you really don’t see a lot of content creators doing something like sei so she provides a nice outlet for that.

@klavoir​ you know those 3-in-1 deal you see on ads? if i may be so bold, selma is the embodiment of that. she’s so talented. selma’s really good at keep you on your toes because you seriously don’t know what heck she’s gonna make next. a nice gifset? oh no it’s actually a gfx set with complex typography that uses only primary colors. i have no idea how she can come up with so many good compositions. even the minimalist gfx set is GOOD. she’s very known for her series of edits in a single post and the amount of creativity and effort that it takes to make sure that they all mesh together well is insane but pulls it off effortlessly. selma can beat me up for adobe creative cloud money and i’ll gladly hand it over.

@25th i only followed nonnie very recently so i don’t know her exact history with gfx but looking at her recent works, she’s starting to show her true power lol. i really want to commend her for tackling the monster that is typography. it’s a scary place but i think she’s doing a great job. she’s experimenting with a lot of aspects of designs in her latest works, too. i’ve said this to her a few times before but she has so much potential and i love seeing her improve from one gfx to the next. i’m waiting for her to just one day snap and create a masterpiece.

@noxdivina lin’s typography is no joke, seriously. i’m always blown away at how creative he is while maintaining a specific aesthetic/color palette. truly a master of his art. i also want to note that lin likes astronomy and whenever i look at his works, i always feel like i’m looking at the sky and seeing dots of stars here and there. his works are gorgeous, full of angst (totally my taste). his works triggers these like... solemn and nostalgic feelings and i love it so so much.