#so ill repost it here before someone else does

[jumpdriveproject]

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Johnny and the Revenge

REBLOGS & CoMMENTS WELCOME don't repost or publish or translate anywhere

Thanks to bratz

Warning: none its just angst and fluff but I always put 18+ out are responsible for what you read

Reblogs

"Hey"

"Not in the mood Johnny"

"What's with you"

"I'm having a bad day ok save your stupid comments and save your pick ups for someone else."

I looked at the floor not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset. Sometimes we did have playful banter but sometimes he was an absolute jerk

"What happened who hurt you?"

I scoffed,"Leave me alone Johnny"

"I'm trying to be your friend here"

"Yea well thats the problem my friends suck."

He just stared at me. :I felt like he was looking me up and down."

"Is that all I get."

"Its more than you deserve"

"Hey I-"

"Don't want to be a notch on your bedpost" "Johnny"

"Hey I'm not your seem really upset I'm genuinely trying to be nice."

"Well my friend basically strung me along and then treated me like shit. I'm wondering if it was all a joke to her and her actual friends to just embarrass me involving me inviting me to something important and then uninviting me last minute."

"Ouch" his eyebrows furrowed a bit and as I continued my explanation his kind smile turned into a tight lip scowl.

"Yea I didnt even know I was uninvited so I asked her where I was and I dont know it seemed like a pity invite to the ceremony and the after reception party. "So I just I"

Oh screw it I thought "I don't have many friends and I really thought she I don't know."

Hi jaw ticket as his eyes roamed my face he took a second but right before I went to walk away he stopped me.

"I totally get that you want to ya know just wallow with zone with fuzzy socks and blankets watching a movie with cherry ice cream but-"

How the hell does he know what I like to do

"How about revenge instead?"

"Johnny as much as I'm mad at her I dont want to hurt her. As much as I hate to admit it I still care about her."

"It's not hurting her its showing her how," he thought "I wanna word this right- awesome you are."

"I'm listening."

"Bring me as your date."

"Johnny"

"No. No. Hey I promise I will stand with you I won't look at anyone else and ill pretend d to be all over you."

"How can you pretend to be all over someone?"

"Well ok I'd have to actually be all over you but-"

"Johnny"

"No I promise I'll be respectful." Throwing his hands up to show his intentions again. Maybe he should just keep them up there

"I cant believe I'm about to say this but fine."

He shows up the day of 10 minutes after the party started to we arrive late so all eyes are on us. Which I hate. But if anyone knows how to garner attention and put a party on its head it's Johnny Storm.

"It's her wedding celebration"

"No its an after party and she did invite you."

begrudgingly I agree if the is anything Johnny is good at its being an asshole and knowing how to get attention.

He knocks on my door.

I open it- He looks me over

"nice dress l," he nodds "You're not wearing that." He pushes past me and goes into my room to look through my clothes.

"Wha- Johnny whats wrong with a black dress?"

"After parties are like clubs and no one goes to clubs in a little black dresses." He paused "Well not one like that"

"Put this on"

He hands me a fuschia pink sequined dress. That is usually fairly skin tight but in all the right places and loose in others.

"Johnny no this is"

"Perfect for a club. Trust me."

"Fine. Get out."

"What I'm just-"

"I need to change."

"Oh uh"

He turned around everything! There was mirror behind him and he actually looked shocked worries or confused as he could see me in it. It looked like he was t sure what to do. I'm not sure but definitely nothing to make me think it was a sneaky thing to try and see me undress.

I shook my head and went in the bathroom.

It didnt take me long to change.

"I feel rediulous." I said opening the door

I'm sure-" then he was facing me

"You look hot"

"I feel like I look like a striper"

"Maybe you'll make some extra money tonight."

"That it I'm staying home."

"I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm sorry. You do look amazing though."

I can't help but blush.

We walk in and its dark people are everywhere dancing and talking and Johnny is right this is more like a club than a wedding celebration.

I can feel everyone staring I go to put my hands over my chest to block it from view when Johnny grabs my hand.

"Relax no one is going to touch you. Well no one but me." I new he had a shit eating grim without having to look at him.

I hear people go:

"Thats the human torch."

"Whose that with him?" And other similar comments. And I suddenly want to puke. He squeezes my hand in reassurance. Its like he knows everything I'm feeling which is creepy.

"You're not telepathic are you?"

"No I just know you." He wisperes in my ear. Really really closely in my ear.

I feel a sudden surge of warmness in my hand it's comforting I look at him and smile.

My friend comes over

Pulling me towards her away from Johnny.

I don't know why but I look back and he nodded in encouragement as he rolled his eyes at a very pretty girl putting his hands on him and practically shoved her as I saw him walk to where drinks are.

"Oh my God is that Johnny Storm?" She was already close to the tipsy vs drunk line.

"Yea"

"Why didn't you tell me you two were together?"

"W-I dont know know never came up."

"Never came up? That's not something that needs a segue.

"Well I-" shit we didn't plan this part.

"So how long you have to tell me everything!"

"Not much to tell," I hear Johnny as he hands me a beer and I sigh in relief.

"Had to beg her to dump the shlub she was seeing and date me."

"Who were you seeing before him. How do I not know this?"

Shruged.

"Never came up?"

"Anyway this one has me wrapped around her finger."

I turn to look at him and say something amd he catches my mouth in his for an open kiss and I could tell he was holding back as he kept pulling his tounge back. Who knew Johnny Storm had restraint.

I'm not sure who parted from whom but I was a bit taken back and breathless.

"Uh sorry about him" I cleared my throat looking at him he actually looked diffrent I think because he was quiet?

"Johnny we're in public."

He let out a breath as he drank beer.

"Careful alcohol fuels fire."

It was late when we left Johnny of course was the center of the party

I kept thinking about Johnny.. he was digfrrnt and sweet and practically all over me but respectful all the same.. Then the next week I walk to get my mail from the mail boxes Johnny was there too, its normally how we run into each other. But he as on the phone so I didn't bother him to say hi; but I do hear him

"You should have seen the way she was acting it was so pathetic that fact I had to go with her, her hands were all over me it was pathetic I was like please its nothing I mean like if anything it was community service"

I let out a small gasp I didnt know I even did that as my hand went to my mouth.

Johnny still smirking and laughing turned

"Hey no wait I wasn't talking about you."

He ran after me.

"Just leave me alone Johnny." I turn around and yell. Running away.

Childish?

Yes.

But warranted.

He was sitting in front of my door and I heard a sniff. His head hanging down.

"What are you doing here?"

He looked up at me red eyed his face a little blochy but not much.

"Can we talk?"

"I think you've talked enough for tonight"

He leaned his entire body back on the door.

"Can I please get in my appartment. I may be pathetic but I'm still nice enough not want you to hit your head when I open the door i have an iron coat stand and if you hit it I'm frankly not sure I'd even call paramedics."

"Please" his voice was small.

I dont think Johnny could act this so I agreed.

"Five minutes. "

He jumped up and snuffed again when I walked in I got him a tissue to blow his nose.

"I wasnt talking about you. I know how it sounded but. When you were talking to some people I had stepped away for a bit a few times actually- remember? Anyway I went to get us some more drinks and this girl was begging me to walk her to the bathroom because she was supposedly scared. Which it was such a lie and bad acting but she kept tugging on my arm as I walked so I agreed just so she'd leave me alone her hands were all over me. It was pathetic she was acting like I was there with her and it felt like I was sentanced to community service. I wasn't talking about you I swear. I'm the one who begged you to go. Why would I-"

"You didnt exactly beg me Johnny. You'd said I'd get revenge."

"It worked didnt it?"

He looked at me like he was waiting for a response "On social everyone does keep mentioning you and us and not the actual wedding or the dress".

"See" he walked closer to me. And put his hand on my cheek. I didn't pull away. I didnt want to leave his warmth.

"If I'm sorry if you that or rather that you thought I-. I know I'm not exactly. I know what's said about me but when I saw you gasp and run away I - I was terrified you'd never talk to me again."

Why? We never talk much anyway

"Because I just kinda" he mumbled the rest of his sentance.

Sorry what?

He mumbled again

Johnny I'm serious I really can't

"I didn't think you'd actually give me the time of day ok? I mean you're always around in pretty outfits you're not trying too hard you always smile at people give them complement. You're even nice to me."

He looked down. "And I can never pick you up."

"Wait you were seriously flirting with me all those times but you-"

"Yea."0p

He puts his handsim his pockets

"You're a really bad flirt cause I thought you were being a cheeky asshole."

"I uh kinda got nervous around you but when I saw you sad I-I figured if I could helped you'd want me around andI didnt have to worry about messing up some stupid pick up line.

Is that I mean its probably five minutes I know I promised I should."

Johnny go sit on the couch ill get you some water.

I handed him the water bottle as I sat down next to him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

"You seriously wanted to date ME? No one wants to date me."

"Are you kidding everyone wants to."

I scoff "ok ill admit the stares in the store are nice for my ego, I mean if I think I look ok but but-"

"Stares?"He seemed to get mad.

"Down boy what do you mean everyone wants to."

"We always talk about how gorgeous you are and what we'd do to you i-"

"Ok I get it."I blush

"And Sue likes you"

"She likes everyone"

"No she just pretends"

"She likes you Reed likes you Ben he says you wouldn't give me the time of day thinks you're too good for me. I mean he's right but-"

"Johnny You may be a flirt and a-"

"Manwhore"

"I'm not that convinced of that but I know there's a good man in there somewhere.

Actually that's a lie"

He looked up me like he was a China doll that is falling to the ground. Part of me felt bad but he had me upset tonight too.

"The good man is sitting right here in front of me. "

His shoulders drop on relief.

"You think so?"

"Granted it was to take over my friends wedding but you made me feel better and happy and God I cant believe I'm about to say this and I will deny this if anyone finds out but you made me feel special. You're around models 24/7 and you wanted to pretend to go on a date me?"

"W-wait you didnt you didn't think that was an actual date?" He looked hurt his eyes were slightly wider his gave had a a bit of surprised mixed with a

"Well I thought I mean you were."

It looked like he was pounting it was cute.

I thought it was just pretend cause you were helping me get back at my friend but it is a pretty good first date.

But I do have one question

"Yea?"

"Where do you wanna go for our second?"

The kiss he gave me right there had nothing on our first kiss. And lasted so much longer.

Later on My feet were curled up under me and my head was resting on his chest with his arm around my shoulder. Just being in each others presence cuddling or checking something on our phones was just so, so comfortable, natural. Like breathing.And every time the fire started to die out out he'd flick his hand and it was roaring again.

"Wait Johnny"

"Yea"

"When I ran why didn't you come after me"

"You told me to stop. to not."

"I was upset. That didn't mean I didn't want you to try. And you ever cheat on me I'll- I" stopped and then laughed darkly.

"You'll what"

"Well its no fun to tell you"

"Sue, Reed and Ben were right," I thought "Johnnys got it bad for me and teasing him is oh so easy."

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[green-blooded]

I wrote this analysis of the DS9 episode The Wire 7 years ago (gosh time really does keep going doesn’t it)... And I’m still pretty proud of it, actually, so I wanted to save it from my old, inactive blog and repost it here. Please enjoy these 4,000+ words of me gushing about Garak and Bashir.

DUTY, FRIENDSHIP, AND LIES IN THE WIRE (DS9 2X22)

The Wire is one of my favorite episodes of DS9, and honestly one of my favorite episodes of anything. I see something new in it every time I watch it, and it always impacts me emotionally. So, I want to talk about it. This is going to be a very, very long post.

The episode is book-ended (no pun intended) with Garak sharing a piece of Cardassian literature with Bashir. In the opening scene, the argument between them about the Neverending Sacrifice serves to set a few thematic elements. Most apparent is a tension about Cardassian culture vs. Federation(/Human) culture, which Garak snaps at Bashir about more than once.

BASHIR: None of his characters ever really come alive, and there’s more to life than duty to the state. 

GARAK: A Federation viewpoint if ever I heard one. 

[…]

GARAK:When it comes to art, you’re obviously a prisoner of Federation dogma and Human prejudice.

Bashir also says that Cardassian standards for health must be lower than his own, and he also brings up Garak’s “Cardassian evasiveness” in the next scene.

So, the main cultural conflict brought up here is that Cardassians have a duty to the state above the individual, whereas Bashir holds the position that the individual is more important. That is, after all, why he didn’t like the Neverending Sacrifice; not the repetitiveness of it (epics written by Humans tend to be repetitive too), but because the characters never “come alive”, i.e. each generation has the same motivation and no individuality.

Bashir comes into conflict with Odo about their duties as well.

BASHIR: I’m afraid your questions will have to wait. 

ODO: How long? 

BASHIR: I don’t know yet. Constable, Garak’s body has undergone a severe shock. I don’t know when he’ll recover. I’m not even sure if he’ll recover. 

ODO: In that case I want to talk to him now. Wake him up. 

BASHIR: I’ll do no such thing. 

ODO: Doctor, these are murder cases and Garak may be a suspect. 

BASHIR: That may be so, but he’s still my patient and I won’t have him disturbed.

Bashir’s idea of duty is duty to the individual–not to the state and not to justice. So, when Garak is sick, Bashir heals him, because it is Bashir’s duty to do so regardless of what anyone else wants, including Garak himself. During a short scene with Dax, Bashir does try to eschew his duty briefly, before it becomes clear how serious Garak’s illness is.

BASHIR: Garak and I have been having lunch together once a week for more than a year now. You’d think he’d come to trust me a little. 

DAX: Why should he? It’s not like you two are really friends. 

BASHIR: No, of course not. I suppose when it comes right down to it, I don’t trust him either. I mean, for all I know, the man is a Cardassian spy. 

DAX: Exactly. 

BASHIR: Exactly. If he doesn’t want my help, that’s his prerogative.

Bashir’s reasoning here is interesting. He says that he would expect Garak to trust him, and everything in Bashir’s two previous onscreen interactions with Garak would lead the viewer to believe that Bashir trusts Garak to some extent. Hell, in Cardassians when Garak shows up in his room in the middle of the night, Bashir hardly even seems disconcerted by it, and immediately jumps on a runabout to Bajor with him. That seems to reflect some iota of trust. Also, eating lunch with someone every week and staying up late to finish a book then loaned you–a book which you don’t even enjoy!–seemes to be a sign of friendship, but when Dax says they aren’t friends, Bashir laughs at the idea. It should be noted, however, that he can’t maintain eye contact with Dax when he says this and has to look away.

We see some underlying anger/frustration as well when he stabs Jadzia’s sick plant.

He also connects Garak being a possible spy to the reason he doesn’t trust Garak or consider him a friend. No, not just a spy, a Cardassian spy. It’s been made clear in the series up to this point that there is prejudice against Cardassians on the station–understandably so given why the station exists in the first place. It’s also been made clear that Bashir wants to be liked by everyone, so I can’t help but wonder if he downplays his friendship with Garak to avoid the confrontations he might have with others, particularly Miles O'Brien, whom he works at being friends with particularly hard and who has a particular hatred of Cardassians. Note that he never tells O'Brien why he’s asking for access to Cardassian medical files, only that two or three weeks is too long to wait for them.

On the other hand, a character who is much more friendly with Cardassians, Quark, knows that Bashir is the one to call when Garak is on his third bottle of kanar. Now you’d think that he’d call security. I mean, that’s the normal thing to do when someone is out of hand at a bar, but he calls Bashir. I don’t see any other reason he’d do this aside from knowing Bashir is Garak’s only friend on the station. So perhaps Bashir doesn’t hide his friendship with Garak as much around Quark, who wouldn’t think less of him for having a Cardassian friend.

However, in the end, Bashir only admits aloud that he is Garak’s friend to Tain

TAIN: I thought you were his friend. 

BASHIR: I suppose I am. 

(My opinion is that Bashir is not actively hiding that he and Garak are friends, but that he does it subconsciously, even hiding it from himself to an extent.)

In any case, it’s lucky that the one friend Garak has on the station is the chief medical officer, because it turns out he needs one of those. There’s a lot made out of the following exchange in which Bashir attempts to trick a drunk Garak into going to the infirmary.

BASHIR: I think it’s a little noisy in here. I prefer to drink somewhere quiet. 

GARAK: An excellent idea. We’ll go to my quarters. 

BASHIR: Whatever you want. But first I must make a stop at the Infirmary. 

GARAK: The Infirmary? My dear Doctor, what kind of fool do you take me for? 

This makes me curious about whether or not Bashir has ever been to Garak’s quarters. It seems to me that Bashir would’ve shown some amount of surprise at the invitation if he’d never been there before. Garak is a private person, so there is again more friendliness there than Bashir is ready to admit.

Bashir does end up in Garak’s quarters later on (and he doesn’t seem unfamiliar with the place), and learns more about Garak’s situation.

GARAK: My dear Doctor, I have no intention of putting myself on display for the amusement of the Bajoran inhabitants of this station. 

And later…

GARAK: Living on this station is torture for me, Doctor. The temperature is always too cold, the lights always too bright. Every Bajoran on the station looks at me with loathing and contempt. So one day I decided I couldn’t live with it anymore, and I took the pain away. 

It matters to Garak that he’s surrounded by Bajorans who hate him and want to see him in pain. Bashir calls it pride, which is probably part of it. Being hated itself can’t be what’s bothering him, because having been part of the Obsidian Order, he must be used to that. I would suggest that Garak’s love of his homeland is such that seeing the contempt from Bajorans, and knowing why they hate Cardassians so much, is where a majority of his stress is coming from.

Regardless, this is about the time Garak starts telling his stories about Elim. Let’s take this part of the conversation in pieces.

GARAK: Has it ever occurred to you that I might be getting exactly what I deserve? 

BASHIR: No one deserves this. 

GARAK: Oh, please, Doctor. I’m suffering enough without having to listen to your smug Federation sympathy. Do you think because we have lunch together once a week, you know me? You couldn’t even begin to fathom what I’m capable of.

Again, Garak brings up the fact that Bashir is Federation. We know a little of how the Cardassian legal system works at this point, and that punishment and unfailing justice are key for the Cardassian public. The Federation, on the other hand, does the whole innocent until proven guilty thing. Garak knows that, and so he comes up with a story that will prove he’s guilty.

BASHIR: I’m a doctor. You’re my patient. That’s all I need to know. 

GARAK: Wrong again. You need to know who you’re trying to save. During the occupation, I was a Gul in the Cardassian Mechanized Infantry. We were stationed just outside the Bajoran Capital. Shortly before the withdrawal, a handful of Bajoran prisoners escaped from my custody. My aide, a man named Elim, tracked them to a Cardassian shuttle about to depart for Terok Nor. Elim got aboard, but the captain refused to let him search the ship, because he claimed he was under strict orders from Gul Dukat to depart immediately. So I had the shuttle destroyed, killing the escapees, Elim, and ninety seven Cardassian civilians. 

Bashir reaffirms that his duty is to heal the individual, not to be concenred with any bigger picture, and so Garak tells Bashir a crime that seems tailor made (ha ha) to drive Bashir away. He killed 97 of his own people for a reason he must know is not one that Bashir would accept. Bashir made clear at the very beginning of this episode that he didn’t believe in living for nothing but duty to the state, and so Garak tells him a story in which he acts on orders alone, as he says…

BASHIR: You can’t be serious. 

GARAK: I followed my orders. None of those prisoners escaped off of Bajor alive. Unfortunately as it turned out, one of the passengers on the shuttle was the daughter of a prominent military official. I was stripped of my rank and commission, and exiled from Cardassia. So now you know, Doctor. I hope I haven’t shattered too many of your illusions. 

Not only does the story paint Garak as someone who mindlessly follows orders, but the reason for his exile is dull. It’s purely politics. It’s not the kind of thing that Bashir could romanticize the way he romanticizes the idea of Garak being a spy. From Garak’s point of view, there is nothing that Bashir should still be holding onto as a reason to save his life. The story doesn’t matter, though. Not when it comes to Bashir’s duty.

Also notice that, for a moment after Garak finishes the story, neither of them are able to look at each other until Bashir tells Garak to listen to him.

BASHIR: Listen to me, Garak. Right now I’m not concerned with what you did in the past. I’m simply not going to walk out of here and let you die.

Garak gives in at that point, and his withdrawal from the endorphins begins. We’ve seen Garak in pain and frustrated, but we don’t see him angry until this point. When he wakes up, Bashir goes over to him and sits next to him.

BASHIR: Garak? 

GARAK: Leave me alone. 

BASHIR: I don’t think that would be a good idea right now. Your blood chemistry is severely imbalanced. You need to rest. 

GARAK: Don’t touch me. 

BASHIR: Just calm down.

GARAK: I don’t want to be calm, Doctor. I’ve been calm long enough. Look at this place. It’s pathetic. To think that this is what my life has been reduced to. This sterile shell, this prison. 

Garak is pushing Bashir away at this point, telling him to get away from him more forcefully than he ever has. You can see the violence building right away, and you can tell it’s not going to go well as soon as he knocks down the vase. This violent act is connected to his line about “This sterile shell, this prison.” His phrasing is curious. What, exactly, does he consider sterile? The station is a Cardassian-built station. Sure, there have been some changes as far as temperature and lighting, but everything else is stll pretty much Cardassian–just compare the way DS9 looks compared to the Enterprise. What about it is sterile compared to wherever he would live on Cardassia? Perhaps it’s living on a station rather than on land. Perhaps he means in a figurative way, as in the sterile ethics of the Federation as opposed to the… shall we say challenging ethics of the Obsidian Order.

Moving on, in the midst of trying so hard to push Bashir away, Garak revises his story.

GARAK: Stop them? I only wish that I had stopped them. 

BASHIR: You didn’t? 

GARAK: No, Doctor, my disgrace was worse than that. Unimaginably worse. 

BASHIR: What could you have possibly done worse than that? 

GARAK: I let them go. It was the eve of the Cardassian withdrawal. Elim and I were interrogating five Bajorans. They were children, Doctor. None of them were older than fourteen years old. They knew nothing. They lived in bombed-out rooms, scrounged for food on the streets. They were filthy and they stank. The room was freezing cold, the air was like ice, and suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless. All I wanted was a hot bath and a good meal. So I let them go. I gave them whatever latinum I had in my pockets, and opened the door, and flung them back into the street. Elim couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked at me as if I were insane.

BASHIR: You took pity on those children. There’s nothing wrong with that. 

GARAK: No! I was a fool! I should’ve finished the interrogation and turned them over to the troops for execution. But because I was chilly and my stomach was growling, I failed in my duty and destroyed everything I had worked for. 

The revision to the story at first seems peculiar. At the moment when he seems to want Bashir to leave him alone the most, he tells a much more sympathetic story, which is far more likely to tug on his Federation heartstrings.

But the story isn’t about Garak, it’s about Bashir.

There are a few parallels in this story to the events of the episode. Garak mentions being cold, which is also something he said was a problem on the station. He also says that the “exercise seemed utterly meaningless”–that is, his duty to the state seemed useless. Because he no longer felt that loyalty to the state in that moment, he saved the lives of the Bajoran children, and ruined his own life.

Garak is, in his way, warning Bashir off. In this story, Garak has mercy on some pathetic Bajorans, and he suffers for it. The message, or one of the messages, is that Bashir will suffer for his own mercy on Garak.

The warning doesn’t work.

GARAK: And left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you. 

BASHIR: I’m sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company. 

GARAK: I did. And that’s the worst part. I can’t believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into at your smug, sanctimonious face. I hate this place and I hate you. 

It’s hard to miss (unless you’re Bashir apparently) that Garak says the only thing he has to look forward to is his lunches with Bashir, which are only once per week. (Also that he was staring into his face, but I’ll leave that be for this post.) Smug is a callback to “smug Federation sympathy” at the beginning of the episode. So, when he calls his face smug here, he’s referring to two things–that he’s Federation rather than Cardassian, and that he’s showing him sympathy. So, yeah, there are some layers here. Garak has nothing else going on in his life that he enjoys except spending time with Bashir, even after he started the endorphins (which appears to be before or around the same time that they met). At the same time, Bashir is part of a Federation with which Garak has little in common. Bashir, although he’s more open minded than others in some ways, strongly believes that his set of morals and beliefs are correct, and judges Garak by those standards. Of course, Garak does that right back toward Bashir, but Garak doesn’t have the support of other Cardassians to reassure him the way Bashir has other Starfleet officers. Spending so much time with Bashir, and enjoying it, is another step away from Cardassia and his Cardassian identity. For someone who has justified a lot of bad things he’s done by calling himself a patriot and a true believer in the superiority of Cardassia, that little step must be terrifying. Bashir makes him question things he doesn’t want to question.

So, he finally attacks Bashir, finally showing a pure and intense emotion without any artifice between himself and Bashir, before having another seizure and ending up in the infirmary where he will tell the third story.

But first.

GARAK: I won’t allow it. I never want that thing turned on again. 

BASHIR: I understand how you feel, but I’m not sure what else I can do for you. 

GARAK: You’ve done enough, Doctor. More than I deserve. There’s something you have to know. 

BASHIR: What’s that? 

GARAK: The truth. 

BASHIR: I’ve about given up on learning the truth from you, Garak. 

GARAK: Don’t give up on me now, Doctor.

This is the second time Garak has mentioned not deserving Bashir’s help, but he’s finally stopped pushing Bashir away. Andrew Robinson’s delivery of that last line is intense, probably even more emotionally honest than the physical attack, because this is an emotion for Bashir, and his anger was only projected onto Bashir.

And so, here comes the story.

GARAK: Now listen carefully. Elim wasn’t my aide. He was my friend. We grew up together. We were closer than brothers. For some reason, Enabran Tain took a liking to us. Before long, we were both powerful men in the Obsidian Order. They called us the Sons of Tain. Even the Guls feared us. And then there was a scandal. Someone in the Order was accused of letting some Bajoran prisoners escape. There were constant rumors of who was going to be implicated. Fingers were being pointed at me. By then Tain had retired to the Arawath Colony. He couldn’t protect me, so I panicked. I did everything in my power to make sure that Elim was accused instead of me. I altered records, planted evidence, only to discover that he’d beaten me to it. 

BASHIR: He betrayed you first? 

GARAK: Elim destroyed me. Before I knew what was going on, I was sentenced to exile. And the irony is, I deserved it. Oh, not for the reasons they claimed, but because of what I had tried to do to Elim, my best friend.

Obviously there are a few things in this story that we know are true-ish after watching the rest of the series. Garak was in the Obsidian Order, and he’s the son of Tain.

It’s also true that Tain is in the Arawath Colony–which is part of the reason Garak’s telling the story. It’s not exactly that he wants to be saved, but that he knows Bashir wants so badly to save him. Tain points out that saving Garak’s life is not kind, and instead is prolonging his punishment (i.e. his exile). Obviously Bashir doesn’t agree, but Garak certainly seems to. So, he doesn’t say it directly, but he does say it.

There’s more to the story than giving Bashir the key to finding Garak’s cure, though. This revision makes the story nearly unrecognizable. It’s no longer about trying to get Bashir away from him, either by trying to revolt him with his horrible crimes, or to show him the downsides of mercy. This time, he’s appologizing and acknowledging their friendship in a very Garak sort of way. He doesn’t directly call Bashir a friend, but the story shows he treasures friendship, and that betraying a friend is a crime worthy of the worst kind of punishment. And, as you might do after an apology, he asks for forgiveness.

BASHIR: Why are you telling me this, Garak? 

GARAK: So that you can forgive me. Why else? I need to know that someone forgives me. 

BASHIR: I forgive you for whatever it is you did. 

GARAK: Thank you, Doctor. That’s most kind. 

Considering that Garak has said multiple times that he deserves the punishment he’s received, the exile, the pain, and perhaps death, it’s clear that he doesn’t forgive himself. It’s also clear that Bashir is the only one who could give such an open-ended forgiveness and be believed. He’s proven it throughout the ordeal. No matter how hard Garak tried to push him away, Bashir was there for him, not only to help him recover physically but to listen to him, and believing him every time even though he knows Garak lies.

I’ve seen some imply that Garak and Bashir’s friendship shouldn’t work because Bashir is so naive, but Garak doesn’t need someone as cunning as he is. He doesn’t need someone with the same values as he has. He doesn’t need someone who will enjoy Cardassian literature. He needs someone who is willing to listen to him and talk with him. And whether he likes it or not, if anything their cultural differences help them engage with each other, because they’re both willing to hear the other person’s side… even if they’re not willing to admit that they agree with any of it.

Once Garak is healed, we see them return to their routine of the weekly lunch and their cultural exchange. Garak gives Bashir another bit of Cardassian literature which might be more to his taste. Bashir will read it, as evidenced by him not wanting the ending ruined, just as he read the Neverending Sacrifice. The episode ends with one of Garak’s most famous lines.

BASHIR: You know, I still have a lot of questions to ask you about your past. 

GARAK: I’ve given you all the answers I’m capable of. 

BASHIR: You gave me answers, all right, but they were all different. What I want to know is of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t? 

GARAK: My dear Doctor, they’re all true. 

BASHIR: Even the lies? 

GARAK: Especially the lies.

Why especially the lies? It’s more than a clever turn of phrase. Tain says that Garak “never tells the truth when a lie will do.” As much as this episode focuses on the friendship between Garak and Bashir, they spend very little time expressing anything to each other directly. Bashir shows that he cares by healing Garak and forgiving him, but he hardly says anything directly to Garak. He doesn’t say that he doesn’t want him to die, only that he won’t let him. In a lot of ways, Bashir is as emotionally closed off as Garak is, and it’s only the extreme pain that Garak’s in that allows him to express anything toward Bashir.

Garak tells the lies because if he expresses his guilt about what he did for the Obsidian Order, that would undermine his belief in duty to the state above all else. If he expresses his fondness for Bashir, it’s making a connection with someone who isn’t a Cardassian. He has to tell his forbidden thoughts through lies which fit the narrative of Cardassian ethics–through storytelling. The exchange of literature framing this episode is not incidental. Bashir listens to Cardassian fiction every time he sits down to lunch with Garak, because they’re stories that Garak needs to tell to get to the truth.

[unknownzapy]

Author’s Note: Here’s another AU of mine that I have recently made and, of course, making a separate post for canon characters. That doesn’t, however, mean I’m not working on any requests as of yet; I certainly am, mostly working out with Matchups 👍🏼. Please do not steal, repost, and/or claim this Undertale/Deltarune AU as yours on any platform whatsoever; what you can do is give either questions, praise, or constructive criticism on this AU.

Alternate Universe Created By…

@unknownzapy.

Alternate Universe Name

Tempest Yonder

Name of Universe by @unknownzapy.

Theme Song

Honey, I’m Home by Ghost

Plot

In this universe, everything and everyone is made to be “perfect” and “flawless,” forcing the inhabitants to pretend that there is nothing wrong. However, everyone at least has one problem which clashes to their day-to-day lives (i.e. LGBT+ Discrimination, Mental Illnesses, Racial Stereotypes/Discrimination). Some of these people try to “fix” and/or support each other until said problem(s) is said and done, even if it risks their lives for equality and better support sets, or by letting it consume them until they die.

Despite their efforts, nothing is achieved. An omnipotent individual, named ‘Player’, at first, is believed to be “God '' in this world, having a religious group following close behind, whether it be in cults, simple worshippers, and so on. They eventually do come to this world in the form of their vessel that they created. They act like an ideal friend or even a parental figure, a deity from these mythical stories even, and live up to their religious expectations, bringing an end to many, many social complications, promising to bring those with a pure heart to “Heaven” when they die and send those who did wrongdoings to “Hell.”

They bring a false hope of harmony, although underneath this façade of hopes and dreams lies sinister intentions and malicious ideals—-Whether it be slaughtering both the guilty and the innocent, corrupting others until they are a husk of their former self, or something else entirely—-This “God” simply does this purely for their own amusement and entertainment. Their ultimate goal in all of this is to cause a post apocalyptic world, even so, before they can achieve such a thing, will anyone be willing to stand up to such a powerful being?

Religious Information/Hierarchy

Name of Religion is called Xojagar (pronounced as “Yo Yay grr”).

Seven Divinities (no pronunciation needed) - Praise and provide for God and represent their most valued traits in anyone and everyone, such as, but not limited to: Prudence, Justice, Temperance, Fortitude, Faith, Hope, and Charity. They are the ones closest to God and spread goodness and awareness of God’s presence to everyone and anyone.

Cropid (pronounced as “Crow Pid”) - Assigned to protect special places and items from either God themself or from The Seven Divinities.

Anara (pronounced as “Ah Nara”) - Spread God’s Prowess and Judgement to anyone. They bring special messages to any part of the world, including Lightner and Darkner worlds which includes when someone is going to die (to Heaven or Hell).

Valame (pronounced as “Vala may”) - They are trained to be warriors and fight in Wars opted out from God. They fight against Sinners or anyone who deviates from God and/or their religion and Sinners who act hostile towards each other and worshippers of God.

Perydra (pronounced as “Perry draw”) - They are tasked with watching over Parenthood and helping abused children/young adults. They also assist with anyone who is struggling to become a parent themselves in some way.

Sigriff (pronounced as “see griff”) - They bring healthy harvests, food, and animals. They also protect others from famine, poverty, and diseases.

Dhienost (pronounced as “Die Honest”) - They are personal helpers to both God and Sinners, They guide Sinners towards redemption by any means possible so they can reach Heaven. They also assist God in choosing who is deemed necessary to join God’s Holy Ranks and who to kill, whether the person is a Sinner or Offending God in some form, deeming them cold and murderous and known as “Exterminators of Winter” because of it and the fact that they are more active in the winter season for an unknown reason.

Chizo (pronounced as “chee so”) - While the Chizo are more on the peaceful and aloof side than others, they don’t necessarily care about everything around them and don't involve themselves in anyone's affairs. However, they represent Celebrations and Feasts, including celebrating the Sins of Sinners and Non Believers, keeping their opinions and personal emotions completely and utterly Neutral and Nonchalant towards God, Worshippers, Sinners, and Non Believers all together.

Iza (pronounced as “eye saw”) - They are the farthest from God, but still retain most holiness. They are Guardians set to protect Humans, Monsters, and the majority of people from Sin. Like Dhienost, They also try to make Sinners repent before being officially sent to Hell if they fail to feel remorse for their actions.

Canon Characters

List of Characters

Tag list

@breadaton , @0beetle-legs0 , @chill4ccin0z , @blueemberthefox

[selfcarecap]

In which Peter helps you clean your bed after two strangers have sex in it

(this is a repost of an old fic)

Peter‘s not great at parties.

He‘s okay when there‘s someone he knows, but Ned started feeling ill at the last second so now Peter‘s exploring the huge house on his own.

Walking up the steps, his attention quickly goes towards you furiously knocking on a door.

He walks towards you as you slide to the floor, hands over your face and letting out a groan.  Peter hears moans from the other side of the door, even over the loud music from downstairs.

His first thought is that maybe your boyfriend‘s in there cheating on you, but you look way too annoyed - rather than sad - for it to be that.

“Hey, is e-everything okay?“ he asks you before thinking. You‘ve probably got other problems and don’t want to be bothered by a stranger talking to you.

Your head shoots up at Peter’s words and your brows furrow in confusion for a few seconds.

“There’s two people having sex. In my room.“

“That sucks,“ Peter comments, not knowing what else to say.

“Yup.”

Despite the way this conversation is going, he sits down next to you.

He looks at you and you smile faintly, making his heart skip a beat.

Your moment is interrupted by more disgusting noises coming from your room.

Peter’s cheeks feel hot as there are more moans and grunting, even screaming at some point.

Both your heads turn as the door opens.

Peter can hear your heart speeding up in anger as a girl and a guy come out, both their hair messed up.

They walk straight down the stairs, not paying any attention to either of you at all.

“Wow,” Peter mutters, shoving his hands into his pockets.

You bang your head against the wall a couple of times, “I guess I have to go in there don’t I?”

“I don’t know, I’d leave the door open for a bit before you go in. Smells a little,” he cringes.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” you mumble under your breath.

Peter’s grateful that you don’t question why he’s here as you introduce yourself to him.

He was honestly just lost at the party and somehow ended up with you, but he’s not complaining.

You end up talking about college a little, and you tell him how you usually enjoy living in this huge house with so many people, but at parties and in situations like this, it can get annoying.

After a few minutes of leaving the door wide open, you go into your room with the collar of your shirt pulled over your noise. The first thing you do is open the window too, throwing Peter a look who’s standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.

Your eyes narrow at him as he only watches you lift up your blanket with your fingertips, a look of disgust on your face.

“Wait—“ Peter steps in as he sees an unmistakable stain on the grey covers that you’re about to touch.

You immediately let go upon noticing Peter’s interruption.

“What?” you ask and he points out the stain for you.

“Ew. And they couldn’t even use a condom? They’re right there,” you say and Peter’s face heats up when he sees the pack of condoms on your bedside table.

“Okay wait, I don’t want you to end up in one of those stories on buzzfeed where you got pregnant without having sex because there’s.... that on your bed. So let me help you.”

“What no, we barely know each other and some strangers had sex in my bed - it’s too much to ask of you.”

“It is but you’re not asking, I’m offering,” he smiles.

“Oh wait! Come with me,” you say, taking his hand as you go to get cleaning gloves.

Peter blushes even more.

Considering he’s helping you change the sweaty and stained sheets some strangers just came on, he’s having quite a fun time, with you two treating changing the sheets like a medical procedure.

He’s fairly sure you feel the same. You’ve smiled quite often in the time you two have known each other.

The fitted sheet is particularly fun as it keeps snapping back, so he sits on one edge, while you do the opposite side.  While you swap places you nearly end up on top of each other and generally do more giggling than changing bed sheets.

After half an hour of fooling around on your bed, you both collapse on the mattress, the scent of fresh linen filling Peter’s nose.

You look at each other, both out of breath. You roll over to lie on your belly, and you end up much closer to Peter than before and all he can smell now is your lovely, intoxicating perfume.

“Thanks, Peter. I owe you one.”

He smiles at you, looking into your eyes.

His gaze lowers when he sees you lick your lips.

You do the same, glancing at his lips.

He’s about to lean in to kiss you when-

“It’s still a bit gross to think a stranger just came on my bed.”

“Y-yeah, right,” Peter says, sitting up to stop himself from trying to kiss you again. You haven’t even known him for an hour, of course you don’t want to kiss him. He was being stupid.

You sit up too as your door opens again, a guy followed by another guy, hand in hand. They stop as they see you and Peter, “Sorry,” one of them smiles bashfully, closing the door again.

“I really need to get a lock for the door”, you sigh.

“I know a guy that does it for cheap,” Peter blurts out.

Peter does not know a guy who does it for cheap.

But even years later, you love telling the story of how Peter became a locksmith with the help of online videos, just for you.

Or: (stealing Kriti’s comment) “And that kids, is how I met your mother...”

[afairywithacrown]

Playing hero.

Warnings: Character’s death, blood and basically a lot of people dying.

Pairing: Any villain x gn!reader

Chaos everywhere. Students running away of the building while it colapse by pieces. The scene of some people pleading for their lives and some trying to help who needed, but as he kept looking for you, more desperate he get. No sight of you anywhere, probably that day you decide to skip class but the message he sent haven’t been answered yet.

He has seen a lot of people getting hurt and blood over the years, but something about this scene made him feel sick. The desperation of not knowing if you were ok was making him feel worst, but then he saw you a far, kneeling down with someone else holding your arms.

A big stain of blood on the floor coming from any of you and if it was yours he probably lose it.

Running to you he had to stop because when the other person received someone else’s help, you moved to another one and then another one and he understood you were helping the ones you felt they needed help. But the building was still collapsing and you seem to get closer to it as you kept going. He couldn’t keep watching so he had to stop you before something felt form the sky.

Within seconds he got to you. He asked you to move, to get away from the place before it was too late, but you kept saying there was people who needed your help, no one would do it and you couldn’t forgive yourself if you knew you could’ve done more, there wasn’t enough personal in the police department who could help everyone. Obviously standing there trying to convence you to move your ass was more dangerous than anything.

“Go away, ill help.”

“I’ll do it with you”

“No! You go away. I can do it alone, I just need you out of here!”

He pushed you a little so you started walking away as he look for more people. He wasn’t supposed to help, it’s not what he does. He creates the chaos and death, but now he prefer this over you dying trying to play the hero.

After some time he couldn’t find nobody else who was worth saving, there was enough he has done and if you asked he would simply say there was nothing else to do for them, but then a big sound and a scream behind him caught his attention. The building finally lost resistance and now all of the construction was falling down. Unfortunately that wasn’t the reason why he stopped breathing.

There you were, standing next to it, you looked confused unaware of the situation.

He didn’t got there fast enough, the dust blinding everything around him and when he got back of his fifth senses. It was too late and the only thing he could think was, what the hell were you doing there?

I was thinking of Chuuya but probably because of his ability the could’ve help. Anyway, Shigaraki, Dazai from the dark era. Eren?? i’ve only watch the first season so i don’t know if it fits his character and Villian! Deku. Or anyone who fits the scenario.

All rights reserved © 2022 afairywithacrown. Please do not repost, modify or claim as yours

[realm-of-rosie]

💭 home

i. genshin impact [ kaeya ]

ii. fluff | scenario

iii. blog rules | masterlist

footnote : hi! this is a re-post from my main account, @rosieposies-world. all extra information about it can be found on the original post.

there was a slight problem, and i don't think this was showing up in the tags, so im reposting it here!

how long had you been wandering the vast expanse of teyvat? 

time had melded into a meaningless concept as you went on with the boring routine of your everyday life of travelling, eating, sleeping, hopefully searching for the archons that caused your demise and sadness to extract your vengeance on. 

not that you would have actually done anything to them, not because you were scared of their punishments or because you were levels weaker than they were, but because by this point, you were more exhausted than angry, needing something, someone, anything and anyone to ground yourself to.

after fleeing inazuma and reaching liyue, where some semblance of peace encompassed your heart when you heard that the archon, rex lapis, had finally passed away at the hands of an assassin, you decided that there wasnt anything else left for you to do and instead moved north, to the city of freedom, mondstadt.

maybe there was something there for you. not revenge on their archon that’s long since disappeared, but a new life. freedom from the horrors of your past.

the tavern you entered was filled with men already tipsy despite how the sun was still peeking over the mountains in the distance. you wrinkled your nose in distaste.

“may i help you traveller?” the red-haired bartender asks, eyeing the patch on your face while you pretended not to notice, “a drink perhaps?”

“the sun has barely set and your patrons have already drank themselves into a stupor,” you comment, settling into a seat by the bar, towards the darker corners, “ill take a drink if you have non-alcoholic beverages,”

“if you insist,” he shrugs his shoulders before pouring you a glass of juice and sliding it towards you, “so, where are you from?”

“anywhere and everywhere,” 

“you have a name?”

“wouldnt you like to know-”

“diluc!” a loud, eccentric voice calls as the tavern door slams open, “a drink for my friend and i please!”

“you’ll have to wait your turn like everybody else kaeya,” this diluc fellow sighs.

“kaeya?” you murmur, catching the diluc’s attention, but if he wanted to say something, he didnt.

it must be a coincidence, you shake your head, no one else survived the invasion of the archons. however, kaeya wasnt a very common name was it? you’ve only ever heard it within the land of khaenri’ah after all, so what was the possibility that this stranger shared the same name as your old friend?

“you know kaeya?” diluc approaches you again and you force your head to turn in the direction he was gesturing to, silently preparing yourself for disappointment in case the stranger merely shared his name but not his face, his personality, his soul or his heart.

you were wrong, and the relief that flooded you as his name left your lips overwhelmed you and you found yourself staggering through blurry, tear-filled eyes towards kaeya, who stood and watched you with shock splattered over his face.

he whispered your name, once, twice, three times when you reached him, arms around him securely.

“is that really you kaeya?” you ask, hands on his shoulders and scanning every inch of him.

“as real as the stars in the sky,” he reassured you, “and is that really you?”

“as real as the broom our neighbor would chase us around with as children,” you share a laugh alongside him, something that comforted you, not letting go of him for a moment in case he would suddenly disappear and you would be left all alone again, “but how?” 

“does the how matter right now?” kaeya pulls you into another warm embrace, “what matters is you’re here, and you’re home, safe,”

[athys-obelia]

[ 1 • 2 ]

"have you ever fallen in love?"

two years after tlp!athy's execution, tlp!claude knows he stands mere months away from death.

he still remembers that first sudden stroke, the one that robbed him of most of his physical strength and mana - it is a bodily illness, the medics say, but after all, he is no stranger to curses.

it is all bearable, though - everything is bearable as along as his athanasia is beside him, after all. her kind smile, her free eyes so unlike his. claude de alger obelia is not afraid of death, never has been.

the absurdity of his inquiry strikes him with his daughter's startled expression, and he elaborates, "your mother - she used to say that if nothing else, she wanted you to fall in love. wholly and truly, with someone who understands and accepts you as you deserve to be understood and accepted. so i ask - have you, athanasia, ever been in love?"

the question resounds, echoing off of the walls of the obelian imperial family's mausoleum. jennette would hate this, him secretly leaving the palace to come here of all places, but he needs to see. how have his children constructed his final resting place? he had barely shown up to his own father's funeral.

"twice," athanasia answers, as he had known she would.

his hand trails over the gold crest of the empire on the door, the coolness of the metal lingering on the pads of his fingers. his chest pains so very much now that he's away from jennette, but he can't react. shouldn't react. athanasia would fret and worry herself to her own death before his, and his child's funeral is not something claude wants to witness. "twice?" he presses for details, voice barely above a whisper, lest she hear the pain searing through his chest.

almost as if sensing his hesitance, his veiled unease, she steps into the mausoleum before him. claude follows.

"he was like the moon, one of them," she tells him, the words whispered carefully as if the princess were scared of the ghosts of her ancestors overhearing. "enchanting. kind. he inspired me to start writing songs again - the ones jennette found in my room, remember, papa?"

"ah, yes - the ones she gave to the alpheus boy." claude approaches his casket, raising an eyebrow at it. "and yet you never mentioned him to me. i could've had you married." he traces the fine lettering on the stone - his name was already engraved into the marble, along with all his titles. claude's eyes linger on 'father'.

"you could've," she agrees, "but he was not worth the sacrifice, was not worth family. my fate, like everyone else's, was to admire him from afar."

"and this other great love of yours?"

"complicated," athanasia lets out a humourless laugh, "he was more like the sun, actually."

claude really doesn't have it in him to hide his smirk - even athanasia wouldn't be brave enough to liken someone other than him to the sun. "was he, now?"

"yes! bright and strong and warm, everything i ever wanted, and...so very far away."

he frowns, nose crinkling at the familiar scent of roses. "what does that mean?" claude turns then, to find the source of the floral odour.

to claude's right is a smaller casket, the lead of which bears the beautiful insignia exclusive to the crown heir. a single red rose - from jennette's garden, he recognizes - lays against the lid. beloved daughter and sister, it reads. princess athanasia de alger obelia.

the lid of his own casket rests against its side - hers is shut, tight. the ache in his chest spikes, triggering a violent coughing fit. his handkerchief clutched in his trembling hands, claude stares at the splotches of red.

athanasia chuckles dryly. "i didn't even get a chance to beg! so bright he was, his own light blinding him to the truth."

strength abandons his legs and his knees buckle, leaving the emperor of the world's strongest empire on his knees against the cold, hard floor. claude inhales shakily, fingers gripping the coffin with whitened knuckles.

"wh- what nonsense is this?" he manages to croak out weakly, eyes unable to look away from the name.

athanasia leans down, inches away from his shocked face. "all i ever wanted was to be your shadow, your anchor, your student. i wanted your love, too, so that i could return it tenfold. but you - you were so, so strong, papa. and strong emperors don't need weaklings like me at their side, do they?"

he stares as she leans down to brush hair out of his face, the touch nothing but a soft breeze. "shut up- shut up. i don't want to hear this anymore. i don't know what's-"

she smiles sweetly. "i used to think about you a lot, you know - 'i have the strongest papa in the world' i'd tell lily. you were my pride! they don't call you the sun for nothing, though, i suppose."

her words stir up a distinct...vision? a memory? he can feel the image forming. claude's hand shoots up to claw at his chest, trying to free some of the heat, get some air.

yes, he remembers a blade, now.

"you," athanasia calls joyously, as if she were some royal announcer, "need to come with a warning label. the people's hero, the hardworking emperor, the wise ruler! does everyone who get too close to you burn, papa?"

"guards," he calls weakly, "call the guards."

it's almost as if he can feel the life slipping out of him, but the image returns. was it an execution? a public execution? the crowd seems restless, uncomfortable. beside the chopping block lays a young girl.

"do you regret it?" athanasia asks curiously.

claude watches the executioner's cold eyes and he know exactly what is about to happen to the girl. obediently, she lays her head where the man directs it, already lifeless.

"yes!" he cries as the man's sword rises in a sharp, practised move. claude shuts his eyes, wanting nothing more than for the scene to disappear. but over, and over, and over, the girl dies. the blade falls. the townspeople cry. felix's hands keep bleeding, fisted around his own sword to keep himself in place. "so fucking much, just, please, make it stop-"

"i meant," athanasia corrects with a light grin, "did you regret hiring an executioner? tell me the truth, now, papa, haven't you always wished that sword, that hand was your own?"

he wants to negate her claim, wants to tell her no, he would never, he'd rather end himself - but the words are stuck. the air thickens.

her thumb brushes against his pale cheek. "you're dying now, aren't you? did i at least answer your question properly?"

the image of her blurs.

"if mama asks, you can tell her i did love," athanasia whispers, as if lulling a child to sleep, "i've loved twice. tell her that for one of them, i didn't dare chance a thing - and for the other, i risked it all."

® all rights reserved, do not repost without permission

[vantaenims]

angel's kiss | taehyung

pairing: taehyung x angel!reader

genre: angel au | fluff, angst

word count: 1.4k

warning/s: grief and mentions of death.

summary: Taehyung believes in angels but that stopped when his own angel let him down.

Part of BTSGhostieMarathon (Song Lyrics #4)

masterlist

all rights reserved © vantaenims - do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

Everybody makes a wish in different ways be it by blowing the candle on their birthday cake or throwing a coin down the well or when they see a shooting star pass by in the night sky or even finding a stray piece of eyelash on one’s cheek but Taehyung differs from the rest because he only makes a wish by speaking to his angel.

His mother had countlessly told him that he was kissed by an angel on the day he was born and the mark in between his eyes was the sole evidence of it. She described the mark to be salmon in color and how it almost resembles the shape of a heart or a pair of wings but it disappeared after he turned the age of three.

“Your angel is always with you” is what his mother would always tell him, reminding him that even though the mark disappeared, it doesn’t necessarily mean his angel has too. Since then, Taehyung grew up to believe in angels, particularly in his one and only angel.

Taehyung happens to be one of the easiest humans you handled for the entirety of being a guardian angel and that’s because he’s essentially a good boy from the start – an angel himself much like you.

Although you must say, with years of guarding over him, you’ve come to learn that he could get quite a bit mischievous specially when he makes ridiculous silly wishes. Nonetheless, you always answer his wishes – only if it’s harmless – if it puts a smile into his face and proceed to kiss him in between his eyes.

“Please let it be scissors” Taehyung spoke to you with his eyes closed before he started a game of rock, paper, scissors.

A kiss in between his eyes.

“Please let me defeat the final boss in this game.”

And another kiss.

“Please let me win the race and have the other kid trip and fall down.”

Okay, maybe that doesn’t deserve a kiss.

Still, It’s undeniable that Taehyung has become your favorite human out of all the ones you’ve guarded. Humans weren’t born to be perfect albeit Taehyung could almost be one or perhaps it’s your fondness over him that’s speaking for you.

You believe it’s his natural warmth and welcoming aura to him that makes everyone charmed and be drawn to him, making him likeable in all aspects but not everyone could be pleased thus there are times wherein his kindness were taken advantage of by people who don’t even deserve him.

Just like that one instance when he was ten years old. A boy from his school invited him over to his house to play games on his Playstation but there’s one condition – Taehyung could only get to play with him if he brings a game with him when he comes over.

“I hope i could play with Minseok” Taehyung closed his eyes before he could ring the doorbell outside Minseok’s house as he tightly held the game of Spyro the Dragon against his chest.

Of course, you gave Taehyung a kiss and he was able to play with Minseok not until Minseok’s other friends came over. They made fun of Taehyung for bringing a game that’s ‘meant to be for babies’ but Taehyung tried to be nonchalant about it, shrugging it off as he watch them take out his game and replace it with another game that’s too mature for their age to play, leaving him out completely for the rest of the day as they pointed out to him that he could not play with them.

“Did you finish early? That’s fast”, his father asked him as soon as he got inside the car, “You okay?”

“Don’t say you’re okay, because you aren’t”, you whispered to Taehyung’s ear even though he wouldn’t be able to hear you.

If there’s one thing you know Taehyung is good at then it’s the fact that he’s good at lying, specifically in deceiving everyone that he’s perfectly okay but you’re not one to be fooled because you know your Taehyung more than anyone and else. But you could only frown when he decided to speak up to his father, telling him some made up lies and stories instead of the truth.

Taehyung grew up fast in front of your eyes but he remained to be a consistently good boy that still make silly wishes here and there but one day, his wishes started to get more serious and heavy to the point that you can’t answer it anymore, not because you won’t allow him to but because it’s beyond your powers to do so.

“Please let my mom live longer.”

It’s what Taehyung has been wishing for ever since his mom got terminally ill but you could only helplessly watch him close his eyes as he repeats his wish over and over but you can’t do anything about it because it’s not up to angels to answer those kind of wishes – you’re merely just a guardian, not a god.

It wasn’t too long until his mother’s inevitable death came and it pained Taehyung too see his family overwhelmed with grief, particularly his father who looks too distraught at having to lose the love of his life. So, he took it upon himself to do all the paperworks, in preparing the funeral, and assuring his younger siblings that he’ll take great care of them like he always does.

Eventually, Taehyung was too caught up in everything that’s been happening that he never got to grieve properly since his mother was taken away from him as he’s too focused on trying to be the pillar that holds his family together but he doesn’t know that he’s also neglecting himself by trying to push away his real emotions.

It was evident that Taehyung was beyond exhausted, physically and emotionally after the funeral. Entering his room, he removed his black blazer and loosened up his tie as he sat down at the end of the bed, staring blankly at the wall and you began to get worried for him at this moment because you just can’t seem to read him.

You took up the space next to Taehyung as you placed your hand atop of his whilst you leaned in towards his ear, hoping that he could actually hear your whispers of comfort and have him let him know that he’s allowed to have moments of weakness, let him know that he doesn’t have to be strong all the time, and let him know that at the end of the day, he has you – his one and only angel.

After you whispered, you observed that Taehyung’s now holding a quite intense look against the wall and you were now able to sense the sorrow he was feeling but there was also anger building up inside of him.

Taehyung stood up abruptly as he clutched his blazer on his hand only for him to threw it hastily against the floor and next thing you know, he’s thrashing his whole room like a madman, never ceasing to stop not until sobs uncontrollably wracked his body, causing him to slid down on the floor as he dug the heels of his hand against his eyes.

“Someone come and save me, please” his voice cracked and it was painful for you to watch him like this, so broken and vulnerable.

You got up from the bed as you slowly made your way towards Taehyung, kneeling down in front of him as you held his face into your hands, feeling his pain perhaps a greater pain because nothing hurts an angel more than seeing his human suffer.

Leaning in, you planted a kiss so sweet in between his eyes, lingering for a while as you once again hope he could at least be able to feel it and it’s as if the gods were in your favor, Taehyung seemed to calm down after you’ve done this.

You smile in satisfaction as you broke away but you were surprised to see that Taehyung had already opened his eyes and it looks like he’s staring directly at you, like he’s actually seeing you. Startled, you withdrew your hands away from his face but he was able to grasp your hand before you could get away from him any further and you looked down on his hand, wondering why you could feel his warmth radiating over you when the entirety of this is impossible to begin with.

You looked into his eyes, searching for answers when he suddenly whispered who you are, causing your breath to hitch.

“Angel.”

A/N: This actually looks like more of a teaser than a drabble but anyway, i hope you like my first ever drabble! Also, i made this because Taehyung looks so adorable every time he speaks to his angel, such a cute and innocent baby :(

[whenisitenoughtrees]

thousands to prophecy failure

Janus blinks. “You’re sick,” he says. “Someone needs to make sure you don’t die in here.”

Well, yes, Roman has gathered that much. But that doesn’t answer his real question: why is Janus the one doing it?

When Thomas experiences creative burn-out, he struggles with a few days of unproductivity. When Roman experiences creative burn-out, he gets sick. And it's fine, really; he'll suffer through it if it means that he can come up with ideas for Thomas. That's all that matters, right?

Luckily, there are others who disagree with him.

Content Warnings: vomiting, depictions of illness

Word Count: 4,427

(a repost, since the first attempt wouldn’t show up in the tags; see that one for the ao3 link)

It doesn’t come on suddenly. So really, Roman has no excuse.

It starts with chills running up and down his spine, shooting into his limbs and setting his fingers to trembling. He glares at his hand and decides to press on, decides to keep going, because he has come up with so many ideas but none of them seem quite good enough, quite able to hold up under the inevitable criticism of the others. He keeps going, keeps creating, and ignores the way his body begins to ache.

None of it is good enough, and he hates it all, because with every failed idea, he’s failing Thomas, is disappointing Thomas.

Magnifying, Logan’s voice whispers in his head, and he should probably pay attention, but Logan’s voice is also whispering things like, Illogical and unrealistic, and, Really, Roman, you couldn’t come up with anything that makes more sense than this? And it’s joining other imagined slights, joining the image of Patton’s face turning away from him and Virgil’s dark glower, Janus’ smooth, mocking laugh and Remus’ smile looming out of the darkness.

He needs to come up with something good. But the words are slipping away from him, slipping away even as his body trembles harder and his forehead beads with sweat, and he can’t think of anything at all. He starts and stops in fits, and he scribbles out half-baked ideas only to crumple them up and throw them in the wastepaper basket moments later. He began this morning so well, so upbeat and optimistic, ready to tackle the day and let the creativity flow like it has for the past week, so why is this happening now?

He keeps trying. But one moment, he’s trying, and the next, his pencil is slipping from his grasp.

He stares at it. It lies there, innocuous, on top of a blank piece of paper. He reaches for it, but his vision swims, and he is hit with a wave of dizziness even as his entire body shudders.

He should have stopped before it came to this point.

But he needed to come up with something good. Still needs. Needs to push through, so he reaches for the pencil again, manages to pick it up, but he’s barely set the tip to paper before his stomach rebels against him. He lurches to his feet and stumbles into the bathroom and vomits into the sink, gripping the counter in order to stay upright. He turns on the tap to wash it all down; he skipped breakfast this morning, so eager to get to work was he, and so it’s more bile than anything else. He wipes his mouth and looks up at his reflection in the mirror.

He looks terrible, his skin shining and flushed, his eyes bright and glazed. He ignored the warning signs, and now the fever has set in, and he can’t possibly work like this, can barely even string a coherent thought together, but he has to, doesn’t he? Doesn’t he need to keep working, to come up with something good, something that he can share with the others without shame, something that they will like, so that they will tell him he did a good job, Roman, we’re proud of you, except they don’t usually tell him that even when he does do a good job, so what exactly is the point?

No, wait, the point is--

The point is Thomas, isn’t it? He needs something good for Thomas, and it doesn’t matter if the others don’t praise him so long as it helps Thomas follow his dreams, succeed in life, be who he wants to be--

Does Thomas even like him, though? He’s not sure. His brain is hazy, muddled, dark. He can’t remember.

He needs to keep working. He knows that much. Needs to keep working, even though he feels lightheaded, unsteady, even though his empty stomach is performing flips and twirls and the very thought of moving makes nausea rise again.

He trudges out of his bathroom, intent on making it to his desk, but then, the floor rises up in front of him. He barely feels the impact, though the breath is knocked out of his lungs in a wheezing gasp, and it’s harder than it should be to draw it back in. He takes a moment to realize where he is-- the floor, cold and hard and hardly the place for a prince to be-- before heaving himself up, but that doesn’t quite work, because all the strength seems to have been drained from his limbs, so he collapses back and lies there for a little while. Breathing.

The world swims. He pushes himself onto his back, eventually, and the ceiling wheels above him, all his fairy lights spinning and twirling. He raises up a shaking hand, but they bob just out of his grasp. And it’s sad, because he just wants to touch them, just wants someone to touch him, and his skin is too hot and too cold by turns and he’s so uncomfortable so he just lies here and he thinks he might be crying but he can’t stop and he can’t get up.

He needs to keep working. The longer he lies here, the more of a failure he is.

But he can’t get up.

Time passes, he thinks. Nausea crashes over him in waves, though he doesn’t throw up again. He might sleep at some point, but his dreams are troubled, full of darkness and laughter and eyes, all looking at him, all pointing at him, and he tries to run but he can’t escape them because no matter how fast he goes, the ground slips out from underneath his feet and he falls, falls, falls.

Someone knocks at the door. He turns his head to look. Someone asks after him. His throat is too dry to do anything but croak, and the door is too far to reach. So whoever it is leaves, and he is left with the spinning fairy lights and the bad dreams that bleed into waking, and he is hit with the sudden surety that there is someone in the corner of the room, staring at him.

He wants to get away. Wants them to stop looking. He struggles to sit up, wide-eyed and scared and shaking as they keep watching him, unblinking, and he doesn’t know their face, but those eyes are his brother’s, he’s sure,bright and gleaming with malice, so either Remus is here or something else has stolen his eyes and he doesn’t know which is worse.

He struggles to sit up, but he fails, collapsing backward and coughing, coughing until he thinks he’s about to literally cough up his lungs. The fit passes, and he curls into himself on the floor, and he thinks he cries a little bit more. Reality drops in and out of focus, hazy images dancing before his eyes, and he can’t even begin to make sense of any of it, and his head pounds.

He sleeps, and then wakes again, and sleeps, and wakes, and then, there are hands on him, lifting him, and he gasps, striking out, because what if the thing is back, the thing with Remus’ eyes, taking him away? He struggles, but to no avail, and only seconds pass before he is dumped on something soft. He cracks his eyes open and sees-- his bed? He’s on his bed. There is a figure moving in the room, too blurry to make out, and he opens his mouth to ask who’s there, but all that escapes his mouth is a weak groan.

The figure stops, turning toward him, and then approaches, reaching for him. He flinches back, but the figure is relentless, placing a hand on his forehead. The hand doesn’t feel like a hand, though. It feels like cloth, like soft cotton, and that doesn’t make any sense at all.

“Easy now,” the figure says, and their voice is smooth and familiar, and he thinks he should recognize it, but its identity slips from his mind, like trying to hold on to smoke. “You’ve done quite a number on yourself, this time.”

He can’t figure out what they mean. But then, it strikes him, a bolt out of the blue: he needs to work. He has work to finish, or else Thomas will be disappointed in him, and the dread of that happening is enough to give him the strength to move, to start to get out of bed.

But the figure holds him down. And he fights, he tries, but he is too weak, and he has to lie back against the bed again, gasping and humiliated. He needs to work; doesn’t this person know that?

“The only thing you need to do right now is rest,” the figure says, pushing him against the pillows. He wants to keep fighting, really, he does, but the pillows are so soft, and then the figure covers him with a blanket, and he has no chance at all against that.

His dreams are uneasy, still, full of lights and sounds and colors he doesn’t understand. His brother is there again, though whether he is friend or foe, he cannot tell. He has never been able to tell. He wakes panting, and there is someone sitting on his bed, hovering over him, their face just beyond recognition.

“Here,” they say, and hold something in front of his face. A water glass, he realizes, and with that comes the realization that he is so, so thirsty. The person helps him tilt his head upright and holds the glass to his lips, and he gulps the water down, almost choking in his eagerness. They take the water away too soon, and he whimpers a complaint, but they hold fast in their denial.

“Too much at once will make you sick,” they say, and pause. “Well. Sicker, I suppose.”

The words don’t quite make sense, don’t quite resolve into meaning in his head. But he decides that he likes the sound of their voice. It is cool and comforting, a balm to the heat that rages through his mind.

They laugh. “Thank you,” they say. “Get some more rest, Roman.”

That sounds like a good idea. Only, not, because isn’t there something he’s supposed to be doing?

“Yes,” they say. “Resting.”

No, that’s not it, he’s sure of it. In fact, he’s fairly certain that he’s supposed to be working on something. Something for Thomas? He needs to have an idea for Thomas. That’s it.

“You’ve already had plenty of ideas for Thomas,” they tell him. “That’s why you’re sick. You push yourself too hard.”

Alright, he is absolutely certain that at least part of that is a lie.

“Oh, I so want to argue this with you right now. You don’t even know what you’re saying.”

Besides, even if that’s right and he has had plenty of ideas already, none of them were any good. That was the point. It doesn’t matter how many ideas he has if none of them are good enough, and he distinctly remembers an overflowing wastepaper basket, spilling over with all of his failures, all of his broken attempts at creating something that will pass muster.

They sigh, then, and he wonders if he’s done something wrong. He feels so very tired.

“You haven’t,” they say. “And that is the whole truth.”

He is fading back into sleep, and it feels like he’s falling. He’s not sure if he imagines the kiss to his forehead, or the fingers that lightly stroke his hair. He hopes not. It’s all soft and cool and sweet, and he would very much like to be touched like that again.

He doesn’t know how long he sleeps. It feels like no time at all before he opens his eyes, his head pounding, and sees Janus sitting by his bedside, flipping through the pages of a book. It’s an utterly incongruous sight; he doesn’t think Janus has ever been in his room before, or at least, not that he can remember. He might be forgetting something; his head feels fuzzy, his thoughts disordered and confused and feverish, and he feels as though he is burning up.

That would be the fever, probably.

“J’nus?” he rasps, and Janus jerks, snapping his book shut. He glances over, and Roman’s vision is a bit blurry, but he can see the way his eyes widen.

“Roman,” he says, scooting his chair closer to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“‘M hot,” he says. He pauses, considering. “Head h’rts. Back aches. Why’re you h’re?”

Janus blinks. “You’re sick,” he says. “Someone needs to make sure you don’t die in here.”

Well, yes, Roman has gathered that much. But that doesn’t answer his real question: why is Janus the one doing it? He knows that illness makes Virgil anxious, and he can’t imagine that Logan would jump at the chance to play nurse, but why not Patton? Unless it has been Patton, and Janus is standing in while he takes a break.

His head hurts so much.

He must be making a face, because Janus frowns. “If you’d rather someone else,” he says, voice unreadable, “I’d be happy to get Patton.”

For some reason, that thought is just about unbearable. He doesn’t want Janus to leave. In fact, he rather wants Janus to be closer to him than he is right now.

“No,” he says, and works his arm free from the covers. It’s harder than it should be; the limb feels unaccountably heavy. But he manages it, and makes a grabby hand in Janus’ direction. Janus stares at it, and then sits on the edge of the bed, hesitant. It’s odd. Should Janus be hesitant? He’s pretty sure that’s weird. But that’s fine; Janus can be weird as long as he stays.

He stares at his face, at the frown twisting his lips, at the furrow between his brows. His hat is missing, and that’s definitely part of what’s weird, because it’s left his hair messy and sticking out in all kinds of directions, almost like he’s been running his hand through it, though Roman has no idea why he’d be doing that when he usually takes so much pride in being put together. He looks tired too, like he’s been awake for a while; his eyes are bloodshot, and there are deep bags beneath them. Roman finds himself staring at the left one, yellow and slit, and from there, his gaze travels across the left side of his face. His scales are lovely, green-gold, and they appear as though they’re moving, rippling on his face, though Roman’s pretty sure now that they’re not, that the fever is cooking his brain and making him see things.

“Hey,” he slurs, “c’mere.”

Janus frowns deeper, and that’s a bit funny, but he scoots closer, leaning in, like he thinks Roman needs to tell him something. He doesn’t. He just wants to touch.

He brings his hand up and starts trailing his fingers across his cheek. His scales are so, so smooth, so nice and cold under his fingertips, and he loves them so much.

“They’re very nice,” he says, enunciating as much as he can to make sure his point gets across. “Very pretty. You’re very pretty.”

Janus inhales, but doesn’t say anything. His eyes are wide, and Roman notices that his slit pupil has blown wider, rounder. There’s a word for that, but he can’t remember it. Also, his face is red. The right half, the human half, which also looks nice, but not as nice and pretty as the scaled half.

If his scales are cold, is the rest of him cold? Roman is very hot, hot like he’s full of lava instead of blood, like he’s burning from the inside out, and his thoughts are fuzzy, but this seems to make sense. He nods to himself, and then grabs at Janus’ arm, yanking him closer. Janus doesn’t move much, so he tries again.

“What are you doing?” Janus asks, sounding a bit strangled.

“Cuddling,” Roman informs him. “‘M hot, an’ you’re not. C’mon.” He tugs again, and this time, Janus moves closer. Slowly, though, as if he’s waiting for Roman to tell him to stop, which is ridiculous. He swings his legs into the bed and settles against the headboard, placing just a bit of distance between the two of them, but Roman is quick to fix that, snuggling against his side.

Janus makes a noise. Like a little squeak. It’s cute.

“You’re cute,” he mumbles, just to make sure he’s aware, and falls asleep again.

His dreams are restless, and he wakes up several more times to sip at water, and once to throw it all up over the side of the bed. He imagines castles falling and doors that won’t open and a dragon that glares down at him with golden eyes and tells him to sleep, that he’s safe. He fights dragons, usually, but he believes this one. It speaks with a voice that he knows he should not trust, but does all the same.

He wakes, and he is alone.

It takes his sluggish mind a moment to parse out why this is strange. His last clear memory is throwing up in the bathroom sink; the journey from there to here is foggy. He fell on the floor, and… made it to the bed, somehow. He is alone now, but someone was here, beside him. Someone comforting, someone safe, someone who should still be here. The memories dissipate when he tries to reach for them.

He levers himself into a sitting position, wincing at the weakness of his limbs. There is a dip in the mattress next to him, as well as a half-full glass of water on his nightstand, but his room is otherwise undisturbed. His gaze travels to his desk, messy and disordered, wastepaper basket overflowing, and he winces again.

So much for getting any work done. The whole mindscape has probably heard of his weakness by now. He sighs, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, pressing his hand to his head as a wave of dizziness hits him. He has no idea how long it’s been, whether hours have passed or days. Most likely the latter; he feels as though an entire castle has collapsed on top of him.

Did he dream about that? He’s pretty sure he dreamed about that.

The door opens, then, and he looks up, startled. It is Janus who enters, a steaming bowl balanced in one hand as he closes the door behind him. It takes a moment for him to notice Roman looking at him, and Roman takes full advantage of that time to panic, because why is Janus here? He could imagine anyone else being his caretaker, but not him. Sure, they’ve apologized to each other, fixed what was most obviously broken, but that does not mean that there is no tension between them, a hesitance to their interactions, a caution in the way they look at each other when they think the other won’t notice.

Roman has wanted to bridge that gap for some time now. But he has never known how.

Janus meets his eyes and visibly startles. His hand jerks, sloshing a bit of what Roman assumes to be soup onto the floor, and in the split second before his expression reverts to cool, blank professionalism, he makes a face of what Roman can only assume to be unadulterated relief, and Roman’s breath catches.

When was the last time someone looked at him like that?

“You’re awake, then,” Janus says, walking over and placing the soup on the nightstand. There is a chair next to the bed, and he sits in it, smoothing imaginary wrinkles from his pants.

“Um, yeah,” Roman says. He licks his lips; his mouth is dry and his lips unbearably chapped. He must look a disaster. “How long--?”

“Three days,” Janus replies, and Roman blanches, because that long, really? He could be lying, of course, but there’s no reason to lie about this. So he’s likely telling the truth, which means he’s let Thomas down even worse than he thought. That realization makes him want to shrivel up and die, just a little bit.

“Well,” he says, trying for his characteristic bravado and not quite finding it. His voice trembles, and as annoying as it is, he can’t smooth it over. “I suppose you got drafted into playing nursemaid. I apologize for that. I’m sure you--”

“I didn’t get drafted into anything,” Janus says, his voice sharp, but infuriatingly sincere. “I’m the one who came in and found you.”

He pauses. “Ah,” he says eventually, because how else is he supposed to respond to that? He vaguely remembers being unable to make it to the bed, spending what must have been hours on the floor before… well. He doesn’t remember being transferred to the bed, but it must have happened, and it must have been Janus who did it. Must have been Janus who picked him up, held him against his chest and carried him to his soft mattress, and he should probably derail this train of though because it’s definitely making him blush, and he really hopes he can blame it on any lingering fever--

“We’ve had this discussion before, Roman,” Janus says, his voice just as sharp. There is something else there, too, something that sounds almost like worry. But it can’t be worry; why would Janus be worried about him? “You know very well how creative burn-out affects you. You need to be taking better care of yourself.”

Roman looks away, looks past him and to his desk, cluttered with papers and yet not a single good idea among them. Of course, he should head off burn-out before it happens, because it leaves both him and Thomas in a worse position than they started in. But he thought he could push through it, thought that just another few minutes would bring the inspiration he sought.

“Right,” he says quietly. “I’ll do better next time.”

To his surprise, Janus groans, and he looks over to see that he’s covering his face with one hand. One gloved hand, and another memory floats back to him, of a hand touching his forehead, carding through his hair.

“It’s not about doing better,” Janus says. “It’s about you needing to not make yourself sick, and not because it means you’ll miss work. You deserve to take care of yourself. It seems that you’re the only one in the mindscape that doesn’t understand that.”

He blinks. “I just don’t want to disappoint--” he tries, but Janus doesn’t let him finish.

“Oh, yes, because everyone is so disappointed in you,” he says. “Because no one is worried out of their minds that you pushed yourself into days of illness. Because absolutely no one cares about you for you and not the ideas you provide, which, I might add, are certainly just as bad as you think they are and not worthy of being used at all.” He takes his hand from his face and glares. “Really, Roman. How many times will it take for you to get it through your thick skull that just maybe, we all love you and want you to be well?”

There is so much to unpack there. But for some reason, Roman’s mind is stalling on one phrase.

“You… love me?” he asks weakly, because if he’s not mistaken, Janus said, we all, which would imply that he’s including himself in that, but that simply doesn’t make any sense at all.

How, after everything he’s said and done, could Janus care for him?

Janus stares at him, and then scoots his chair closer, so that their knees knock against each other. Roman is expecting denial, or a lengthy explanation of some sort, but instead, Janus gathers up both of his hands in his.

“Yes,” he says simply, and leans in to kiss him on the forehead. All of the breath escapes Roman’s lungs, but Janus doesn’t stop there. He plants one on Roman’s cheek next, and then the other, and Roman thinks his heart might beat right our of his chest. Perhaps he’s still feverish, still dreaming, still hallucinating, and perhaps he’ll wake up to find an empty room and a cold bed, or will wake up to find that he is still on the floor and none of this was real at all.

Then, Janus captures his lips, and he forgets to think. It’s soft and slow and sweet, barely more than a graze, barely long enough for him to respond at all. He should say something, he thinks, when Janus pulls back, but his mouth has forgotten how to make sounds, apparently.

“Forgive me if I misinterpreted,” Janus says, sounding a bit hoarse. “But you, uh. Said my scales were pretty.” A blush has risen on his right cheek. Roman doesn’t think he could feel any more mortified.

“Oh, Odin’s beard,” he moans. “I said that out loud?”

Because he really wouldn’t put it past himself, feverish and delusional, to admit something that he’s thought many times before, thought and never intended to reveal. And for a moment, he fears he’s said the wrong thing, that Janus will mistake his meaning, will back off when that is absolutely the last thing he wants, once he gets past his embarrassment. But then, Janus laughs.

“Oh, no, not at all,” he says. “Just like you didn’t call me cute, or tug me in to cuddle with you.”

Oh, that’s… ringing a bell, now that he thinks about it. Great. Wonderful. Very princely behavior.

But then, Janus kisses him again, just like the first, and he forgets to feel upset with himself, if it has led to this.

“Not to put too fine a point on it,” Janus murmurs, “but I’d like to make sure you take care of yourself, if you’ll allow me.” He pulls away a bit, just enough to look into Roman’s eyes. “You are so worthy of love. And you’re allowed to take things that you want.”

And Roman feels so very warm inside. He doesn’t think it’s the fever anymore; it’s like a sun, finally rising after a long night, like flowers blooming in the meadow now that spring has come at last.

Perhaps ideas will come later. And perhaps that’s not a bad thing.

“Well, if that’s so,” he says, and leans in to kiss Janus himself.

[daadddysprincessss]

(REPOST FROM MY OLD ACCOUNT)

We aren’t even related

paring: Jim Mason x reader

Summary: step siblings are not blood related - Your dad had been dating Sandy Mason for over a year now, and they had both agreed to move in together(unfortunately they chose your dad’s house), Sandy had 2 kids of her own, Medina and Jim - they were twins, but 2 very different people. You could admit you did have a small crush on Jim when you saw him at school, but so did every other girl, and now that the both of you would basically be step siblings you would never have a chance now. // 3.7k words, part one

Warnings: step siblings are not blood related, harmless flirting

tagging: taglist: @ghostiesbedroom @lovelylangdonx @queencocoakimmie@langdonsinferno @peachesandfern @gold-dragon-slayer @charlottelouise135 @hplotrfan @rosegoldrichie @taryn-just-happened@little-grunge-flowerz @ccodyfern @1-800-bitchcraft @langdonsoceaneyes @sojourne @starwlkers @bellejeunefillesansmerci @chicaluna2410 @crazycatchloe (hope its okay if i tagged you)

Today was one of the worst days of your life, your dad’s girlfriend was moving in with her 2 kids - you either had to move your room to the basement of share with her daughter, you quickly opted out of sharing with a complete stranger. After you settled into the basement room you came upstairs and awaited the Masons arrival with your dad - he looked so happy, you couldn’t remember the last time you had seen him happy -

“Nervous?” you tilted your head and looked up at your dad

He continued to bounce his leg up and down - “a little” he smiled at you

“Don’t be, it’s gonna be amazing” you gave him a weak smile, trying to hide the annoyance in your voice - the only highlight of the day was staying home from classes, it seemed odd for someone to move in on a thursday but whatever - it kept you out of class.

The both of you had waited till 10:30 when your dad quickly jumped up when he heard the soft knock on the door - “hi Sandy” he smiled as he opened the door for her

You stood back as Sandy walked into your home - she gave you a weak smile - “Kids, come on in” she yelled

You placed your hands behind your back and fiddled with your fingers as you waited for them to walk in - you’ve seen them around the school before and never really talked to them so this was definitely going to be a big change - both Medina and Jim walked in, Medina smiled at you, and Jim didn’t even look up from his phone.

“Hey y/n” Medina smiled

“Hi Medina, Hi Jim” you said as politely as possible

“Hi” Jim’s voice was deep - he didn’t even look up from his phone

You rolled your eyes at him - Medina let out a little laugh, she noticed you roll your eyes -

Your dad walked in holding a few boxes labelled with JIMS ROOM “where should I put these”

“Whatever room I get I guess” his tone was rude

Your dad walked towards your old room placing them down

“If you want to follow me, I can show you guys your rooms” you walked towards Jim and Medina

“Yeah that would be cool” Medina smiled - she nudge Jim’s shoulder in hopes he wouldn’t be so rude but it clearly didn’t work

“Medina this is your room, im sorry its kinda small - it used to be my dads office” you turned to Medina

“It’s alright, there’s room for my bed, desk, and surfboard” Medina said with a shrug, she stepped into the room and walked towards the window. “it has a killer view - wow” she turned to look at you

“My dad said you love the ocean, so I made sure you’d get this room” you smiled at Medina - “Jim, your room is right over here” you turned to look at him

You walked towards your old room - “Jim this is you room, it uh used to be mine” your voice was monotoned

“Cool, so ill be sharing a room with you I take it” Jim raised his brow

Jim is one of the cutest guys at school, you knew you never had a chance with before - but now you really didn’t have a chance - “Uh no, my room has been moved to the basement” you said nervously

“Damn it would’ve been nice to share my room with a hottie like you” Jim smiled and walked into the room

You were a bit taken back by his confidence - a little bit of blush swept across your face from his weirdish compliment - you turned on your heels and walked back towards your dad and Sandy

“Thank you so much y/d/n” Sandy said as your dad carried in the last of the boxes - “JIM, MEDINA! Coming grab your boxes” Sandy yelled

The first thought that ran through your mind was ‘does she ever shut up’ like who yells that much for their kids

Medina was the first to come and grab her boxes, and than her surfboard. Jim came much later - as if he was preoccupied in his room - the first thing he grabbed was his surfboard(probably checking to make sure it wasn’t damaged) and than his boxes -

“The beds will be here later today - if that’s okay” your dad said nervously to Sandy

“I’m sure Jim and Medina won’t mind” she smiled

You went downstairs to your room, and flopped down onto your bed - you pulled out your phone and clicked the group chat labels ‘baddies’ - ‘well they are moved in now :/‘ you sent to the chat

‘Ooo at least you have that hottie to stare at!! ;)’ Heather texted

Heather wasn’t wrong Jim was the schools biggest eye candy, to us girls he was like a shiny new toy - of course you wanted to play with him but now that he’s technically your step-brother you can’t even touch him -

you tossed your phone aside to try and clear your mind “I can’t think of him like that anymore” you whispered to yourself - you looked up at the ceiling above you, you were directly under Jim’s room, you could hear him walking around above you - you even heard your window slide open a few times, probably testing if it will be quiet enough to sneak out (which it was). You turned your head to the side and looked at your new windows, they were big enough to get out of but a little high to reach, you quickly got out of bed and moved your nightstand under your window so you could still sneak out whenever - or so your friends/boys could sneak in without making a sound.

You laid back onto you bed - *ding* your phone buzzed on the other side of your bed *ding*

“Fuck who is it” you sat up reaching for your phone -

‘Bay party tmrw nite - u in?’ Heather texted

‘If ur cuming to the party wear something sexy - gotta impress the boys’ Amber texted

You rolled your eyes and laughed - ‘only if you were something cute with me;)’ you replied to Amber

‘Yeah i'll pick up Ambs and Vana’ you texted back to Heather - “fuck shes so annoying” you tossed your phone aside again - you turned to your side and started to doze off slightly until you heard a light knock at your door - “come in” your voice was soft

The door slowly opened “I was wondering if you wanted these back” Jim’s voice appeared from the doorway - he was holding up a lighter and incense

“Uh yeah! Thanks” you quickly walked towards him grabbing the items

“The best way to cover up the scent of pot is the smell of glass cleaner” Jim laughed - he knew exactly why you had incense

You smiled awkwardly “thanks” -

Jim pulled out a joint from his pocket - “wanna smoke up before dinner?” He smiled

Jim never talked to you - he actually labelled you a ‘snob’ for not showing up at bay boy parties often, so what was the change of heart here - “uh sure, why not?” You said softly - you flicked the lighter on and lit the incense -

The soft smell of lavender filled your room as Jim lit the joint - he inhales deeply, holding it for a moment - the smoke ghosted form his lips, he held the joint up for you. You took the joint and inhaled deeper than Jim(trying to show off) you held it in - when you parted your mouth to blow out the smallest bit of smoke came out - which made you smile.

“Wanna sit?” You tilted your head as you inhaled again

Jim nodded and took a seat on the end of your bed, you joined him on your bed, sitting with your back to your pillows - you leaned over(practically on your knees) to hand him the joint - Jim took the joint and smoked it

“I never would’ve thought a girl like you was into this sort of stuff” Jim laughed

“Into what? Smoking? Pv can be boring when there’s no parties, you have to find your own fun, you’ll quickly learn about me Jim” you smiled at him - you both were getting along, it felt slightly weird

“And what other things do you like to do for fun y/n” Jim’s voice was a bit higher as he held the smoke in

“Sometimes you can go whale watching, party at the bay, sometimes my friends and I go down to the train tracks and drink mindlessly - sometimes I go down there with guys” your eyes went wide realizing you overshared -

“Go on - im interested in what else you do at the tracks” Jim’s voice was low and raspy

You gave a weak smile as you reached over to grab the joint from Jim - you nearly fell face first onto his lap, but you quickly caught yourself before it could happen. Both of you started to laugh hard, “I’m so sorry” you took a deep inhale

“It all good babe” Jim laughed

You were a bit taken back by Jim calling you babe, like sure he probably called every girl babe but you never actually hung out with him - you took another deep inhaled before handing the joint back to Jim - you could feel your high kicking in, making you feel more relaxed. You watched Jim place the joint between his plump lips and inhale - god you wanted to kiss those lips - he parted his lips and exhaled the smoke softly, your eyes flickered up to his face - he was so fucking hot

“Y/N! JIM! Dinner is ready!” Your dad yelled from the top of the stairs - quickly getting you to focus

“Wait what time is it” you said softly as you grabbed your phone, ‘6:45’ was across the top of your screen - “we’ve been down here for almost 3 hours??” You started to laugh

Jim bit his bottom lip and looked at you “it was the best 3 hours I’ve spent here so far” he stared at you for a moment - you could feel the tension building up between you

“JIMMY! Y/N!” Sandy yelled

You both stood up together and walked towards the stairs to go up - Jim let you walk up first. When you came from behind the door the dinner table was set up with a nice dinner, there were 2 open spots next to each other - Jim and you had taken both those seats.

Dinner felt more full than normal, it wasn’t just you and your dad anymore - but it was a good feeling, you saw him laugh and smile a lot more than normal which warms your heart. After dinner you cleaned up the table with Sandy trying to get to know her more - she was a bit odd

“Thank you for dinner Sandy, it was delicious” you smiled as you load the dishwasher

“It was my pleasure - i'm glad you enjoyed it” Sandy smiled

You turned your head slightly and noticed Jim standing in the entrance of the kitchen gawking at you - you gave a playful smile and quickly stood up

“Hi” your voice was sweet

“H-hey” Jim stuttered out

“Do you need anymore help in the kitchen Sandy?” you turned your head to hide the blush sweeping across your face

“No dear, I got it from here” She smiled at you

Jim’s lips were pressed into a thin line - he parted his lips to say something but nothing came out

“Cat got your tongue” you teased - before Jim could say anything you walked towards the basement door, you went down into your room and threw yourself onto your bed - “why did I just do that” you raised your voice as you pushed your face into your pillows. Why were you being so flirty, you knew you couldn’t have him - you could feel your body tensing just thinking about him, your mouth started to water at the thought of kissing Jim’s plump lips, you could even imagine the of his ribs if he lied between my hips - your hand started to trail down your body, getting closer to the band of your leggings - *ding* you quickly removed your hand from almost entering your pants, you quickly sat up to see who messaged you -

‘Hey, I really enjoyed our smoke sesh. Maybe we can have another one soon;)’ Jim texted you

The first thought that ran through you head was ‘how did you get my number?’ -

‘Yeah, maybe tomorrow’ you texted back

‘Before the party ;)’ Jim texted back quickly

How did he know you were going? He never asked you - who told him? ‘Yeah sure, whatever works’ you texted back trying to sound cool

‘Sweet dreams ;)’ Jim texted back

You stared at your phone with a smile plastered across your face - “sweet dreams” you said softly out loud - you never texted him back that night. You laid back in your bed, you felt like you had a little school girl crush on Jim, but there was that little voice in the back of your head screaming at you ‘HE’S BASICALLY YOUR STEP BROTHER YOU CAN’T GO FOR IT’ - you closed your eyes to drown out the screaming in your head - after you closed your eyes you quickly fell asleep.

You woke up Friday morning to the smell of your dad’s world famous pancakes, you quickly jumped out of bed and threw and oversized shirt on, you ran up the stairs to see your dad humming as he was flipping some pancakes

“Good Morning sunshine” his voice was cheerful

“Good morning daddy” you smiled - you had forgotten what he looked like when he was this happy

“I made these ones special for you” your dad smiled and handed you a plate

When you took the plate you looked down to see mickey mouse shaped pancakes - “dad, you really didn’t have to” you smiled so hard your face started to hurt

“Think of it as a thank you” your dad pulled your head to his chest and kissed your forehead

You walked towards the kitchen table with your plate - you smiled at Medina who was eating her breakfast

“Morning” you spoke softly

“Morning y/n” she smiled

You placed your plate down and turned around to grab a drink - “Medina do you want anything to drink?”

“Yeah sure, I wasn’t sure where anything was” she laughed

You grabbed to fruit juices and walked back handing one to Medina, you both sat in silence, eating breakfast till Jim came out of his room - he stomped his way to the kitchen, his hair was a complete mess, dark circles under his eyes - almost like he didn’t sleep. He didn’t say a word to either of you, he grabbed a plate of food and sat next to you - he closed his eyes for a moment and inhaled deeply -

“Morning Jim” your voice was low

He turned to look at you, giving you a weak smile along with a nod - he acted as if you meant nothing to him..

You ate your breakfast in silence, after you were done you brought your plate to the sink. You looked at the clock to see if there was enough take to shower before class - which there was -

You walked towards the bathroom(since the basement bathroom was being worked on) -you grabbed a towel and set the water temperature, you tossed the oversized shirt aside and stepped into the shower, you put a little bit of shampoo in your hand and started to massage it into your scalp -

“Holy fuck” Jim’s voice was muffled

Your eyes widen and you quickly covered your breasts - “Jim what are you doing in here, don’t you knock” your voice was full of embarrassment

“I did” Jim blurted out as his eyes trailed down your body

“Jim get out” you pointed at the door

“Or I could just join you, save water right?” He laughed - Jim walked towards the shower

“Jim no” you turned the shower off - you really did want him to join

“You know you want me to” Jim winked

There was a knock at the door - “Jim? Y/n?” Medina’s voice came from behind the door

“Sorry medina I’m almost done my shower” your voice was shaky

“Oh sorry y/n” Medina’s voice was quiet

“Okay Jim when Medina walks away your out” you covered your breasts again

“Nice ass” he smirked

The corners of your lips started to curve from the compliment(kinda compliment) Jim gave you -

“I worked hard for it” you spoke with confidence

“I bet it would look nicer with a few hand prints” Jim teased

You were a bit taken back by his boldness, you tilted your head and raised a brow - “Yeah I bet it would” you smirked

You could see a bulge build in Jim’s pants - he looked down and back at you, pink blush crept across his face from embarrassment - “Medina’s gone - sorry for the blue balls” you smirked

You could admit telling Jim to go away instead of fucking you senseless hurt a little - you gave yourself blue balls too, you quickly showered and went to your room, you got dressed and brushed your hair out.

When you walked upstairs and headed towards the door you saw Jim and Medina grabbing their bikes to ride to school - “do you guys want a ride?” You asked

“If you don’t mind” Medina squinted her eyes from the sun as she looked at you

“Yeah - please” Jim said as he walked towards your car

You unlocked the doors and Jim got in the passenger seat of y/car, Medina got in the back seat

“Thanks again y/n” she spoke softly

You smiled at her through the rearview mirror - you just wished she wasn’t so shy with you

You plugged your phone in for music and started to drive towards school - you got to school within 15 minutes which was early for you.

“Do you guys want a ride home after class too?” You asked as you parked

“Please” Medina nodded - she quickly got out of the car and walked towards her friends

“Yeah” Jim nodded

You both got out of the car at the same time walk separate ways. Jim didn’t acknowledge you at school for the rest of the day, it annoyed you how different and unflirty he was with you.

After class when the last bell rang you went to your locker as normal, and put your stuff away- you texted Medina and Jim letting them know you’d be a few minutes. When Amber and Vana walked up to their lockers(right beside yours) they wanted to know everything

“So what’s it like living with the Masons?” Vana raised a brow

“It's only been a day” you laughed

“Ugh fuck talking about that - so for tonight what are you wearing?” Amber asked

“Probably shorts and a tank, how about you guys?” You said as you put your backpack on -

“Y/n you gotta show a little - I heard Alex likes you” Vana teased

“Oh yeah right - I have eyes for someone else” you laughed

“No y/n Vana’s right, Heather heard that Alex was gonna invite you over after the party” Amber was trying to be serious

“Don’t pull my leg” you laughed

Both girls looked at you with a straight face

“I’ll see you guys tonight, you'll both be at Ambs?” You said as you turned to walk away

“Yeah - see you later!” They both said in sync

You walked quickly down the hall in hopes not to see Heather or Alex - they really annoyed you.

When you got to your car Jim and Medina we’re both patiently waiting for you - “sorry guys, my friends just wanted to talk” you quickly unlocked the doors.

The car ride home was silent again, you were thankful you had music to play though - when you got home, your dads car wasn’t in the drive away and no sign of Sandy anywhere - you went down to your room and picked out your clothes for tonight - placing them on your bed neatly.

Jim came down and knocked on your open door “you told me to knock right” he smiled

“Hi” you said coldly not caring

“Smoke?” Jim questioned as he held up a joint

“Why not” you stood up from your vanity

Jim lit the joint and inhaled, he nodded his head as he exhaled “its good” he handed you the joint

You walked towards Jim, taking the joint - your fingers brushed against his - you inhaled deeply and tilted your head back as you blew out the smoke. Jim and you sat in your room smoking - something about being with him comforted you, this joint hit you harder and faster than last time, your head went fuzzy, and your palms went calmly-

“I don’t know if I ever told you, but your so fucking hot” Jim’s voice was low - his eyes were glossy

“Wait what?” You were caught off guard-

Jim leaned towards you - his lips ghosting over yours - he placed his forehead against yours. You tilted your head up slightly - your lips meeting his - kissing gently, Jim’s lips parted slightly biting at your bottom lip. Jim’s tongue swiped against your bottom lip begging for entrance - you parted your lips, kissing Jim with an open mouth, his tongue massages against your tongue, you let out small moan into Jim’s mouth -

Jim pulled back from the kiss, a small trail of saliva trailed from your lips, his eyes were hazy as he started back at you -

[getofy]

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

[stillwithkoo]

Kiss me, Heal me. 3

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: When Jungkook gets injured just before an important game, he sets out to find his soulmate to heal him. In a world where soulmates can heal all kinds of illnesses by kissing, he’s desperate to find his, even if he doesn’t know you yet. What happens if he does find you? Will you kiss a stranger who claims to be your soulmate?

WC: 3k+

Warnings: Smut but it's not who you think it is, Infidelity- but jk has a shitty gf n it's mutual lol, snarky oc at the end.

tags: idiots and enemies to lovers, a lil slowburn, a bit of angst, soulmate culture, smut in the future.

A/N: this is unedited as always so sowee 👅💋 hope ya still like it tho! enjoy loves. :)

pls don’t repost my fic anywhere, if i ever find out you stole my fic idea you’ll regret it. thanks :)

You still couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. Though it was a week ago, and you've been avoiding Jungkook like he had the plague. Also, he went home awkwardly last week after that happened. You wondered if it meant something to him? To you? Of course it meant something to you, you were in-like with him. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, mayhaps you liked him. It really didn't help that you felt like heaven when he kissed you. It kinda makes you think if you were just meant to be healing soulmates and not romantic soulmates. And then there's his girlfriend too, they haven't broken up yet and what if she finds out you kissed his boyfriend? Would that make you a slut? Are you really a slut now? Ugh, maybe you are for Jungkook that is. But no. You should just forget about it, Jungkook doesn't seem like he'll leave his girlfriend for someone like you anyway. Even though you heard they were almost fighting everyday. Your best friend Charlie told you so, of course she asked how last week went and of course you cursed her for making Jungkook scheme with her against you.

But, you also told her about the kiss which she happily squealed when she found out, shipping you both. And then she proceeded to tell you about Jungkook's chaos in paradise. Why did he even kiss you? He's just making you overthink stuff, and it isn't even nighttime yet. Did he just want to help and heal you? Or was it something more? It doesn't matter you kept saying, but maybe you were just trying to convince yourself otherwise.

You went to the library to distract yourself and read some books, and of course like every cliché romance novel- (tho the romance part isn't really true) the person you were avoiding was there. Jungkook and his long curly hair that you hate. Why did he have to be so damn godlike all the time? He was in a casual polo shirt tucked in inside his pants, maybe he didn't have soccer practice today. And he looked so good you were trying not to get wet just staring at him. Maybe he noticed you were ogling him so he decided to stare at you back. But you were still embarrassed and you didn't know how to act around him now, so you went to the back aisle of the library. Not acknowledging that he was calling your name. He didn't let you go though, as he went after you to make your suffering even worse.

"Y/N, hey are you avoiding me?" he suddenly asked. You pretended to be busy reading the book you were holding, just so you didn't have to stare at his handsome face. "Oh. Hey Jungkook, of course I'm not. I'm just busy trying to catch up with school and stuff. Why'd you think so?" you replied indifferently. "You didn't listen to me when I called your name awhile ago, and I haven't seen you around campus so I thought maybe you were avoiding me. Aren't you really?" He said as he moved towards you, making you feel queasy.

"I really am not. I just didn't hear you awhile ago, and besides the whole campus is pretty big maybe we just didn't notice each other." you simply fibbed. "Okay, whatever you say. I just wanted to know how are you feeling btw? Are you feeling better now after we… kissed?" you can't believe his cocky ass would really bring up the kiss. Fck him. "I'm spectacular if you must know. And can we not bring that up ever again please? It doesn't matter anyway." you retorted sarcastically.

"Why not? Are you mad at me because I kissed you? Or are you mad because you loved it?" he said as he moved closer to you trapping you within the shelves. You couldn't breathe but it was also like you didn't care, you wanted him close to you even if you felt like dying inside too. When you finally looked at him in the eye, you weren't surprised that he was staring at you with that playful but concerned look you kinda liked. "Don't be so full of yourself, I only liked it because it healed me. There's no other reason." You tried to shove him off and get away, but he held unto you and placed his hands on your hips. "If that's true, then why can't you look at me more than a minute longer and why are you running away baby?" he whispered into your ear seductively. He then moved to look at your face, and then at your lips. Seemingly wanting to taste them again. And you wanted to taste his too, you remembered how you got almost addicted to his lips the first time you kissed. He leaned in closer and you suddenly remembered you didn't even answer his question yet. But you think you did now as you were kissing him. The kiss didn't last long as you remembered his girlfriend Chaeyoung. It was unfair to her and what if she caught you? You were almost making out with her boyfriend again. The thought was enough to make you pull away from Jungkook, leaving him a little confused.

"Why did you pull away? You can't lie to me, I know you liked kissing me too."

"Yes, maybe I did Jungkook. But it's wrong. You have a girlfriend Jungkook, what are you thinking? What about chaeyoung? Don't you care about what she'd feel?" you reasoned. "I know that, you don't have to remind me. But you're my soulmate Y/N, she's just my girlfriend. And I don't even know what I feel about her anymore, but when I kiss you I don't think about anything or anyone else."

"But we can't do this Jungkook. I can't allow you to cheat on her with me, and I can't allow you to use me while you figure out what you really feel about her. It isn't healthy for the both of us."

"I know baby, I'm sorry. I'm not using you to figure out my feelings for her or forget her, I don't know what it is yet but I feel so good when I'm with you. Can't we just forget about everything for a little while and just let it be?" he said as he cupped your cheeks with his hands. "I don't know Kook, I don't think I can forget that you're with someone else and fool around with you. If things aren't working out for the both of you, why don't you talk it out or break up?"

"It's not that easy to just talk it out with her… and I can't break up with her…" (just yet) Jungkook wanted to add.

"Well what are you planning to do? And what do you want me to do Kook? I don't wanna be the other woman. You surely don't think we'll just mess around while you're still with her?"

"I can't let her go just yet Y/N. I need to think more. But I can't let you go too. You're my soulmate, pls don't give up on me. I just need time to figure things out." Jungkook said dejectedly. "I'll wait for you Kook, I just hope you can make the right decision. Also, It's not like I can avoid you forever. But, maybe it's best if we just stay friends for now. Like friends with no funny business or benefits." You said meaning it seriously but the last part jokingly. Trying to make the mood a little better.

"That's okay with me I guess. Well friend, promise you won't avoid me now?" He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

"Promise. Just don't try to do illegal things to me." You joked. "Okay! Hmm, so you wanna go eat icecream with me at my fave ice cream shop this time?"

"Are you paying for mine? If you are then who am I to say no."

💜💋

"Babe, you feel so good inside me."

"Of course I do, I have the best pussy and you know that."

"Not to ruin the mood, but what about your boyfriend? What if he catches us here? I heard he's built, I'm not saying I'm scared but you know I hate confrontation." The guy said balls deep inside her. "What about him? He doesn't care about me, he's probably fucking someone else too. But I can't break up with him you know? We've gone through a lot, and even if he neglects me I still want & need him. And you can't blame me for wanting someone to fulfill my needs, when he doesn’t anymore. Don't worry about him catching us, he never comes here unless I tell him to. Jungkook is so obedient, but a lousy boyfriend."

After you both finished your ice creams,( you learned his fave was the cookies and cream flavor,) Jungkook didn't want to go home yet. He suggested to go to the bowling alley at the mall, to teach you how to play bowling, because you mentioned you've never played it before.

"You have to hold it like this. Place your middle and ring finger in the top 2 holes and place your thumb into the bottom hole." he instructed, after a while you were almost getting the hang of it, though Jungkook was still the best because he'd made a 'turkey' already. You found out he loved going bowling with his dad, before they fought about his goals and dreams. It's amazing how athletic he is. He's an amazing soccer player, he's good at bowling, he's an exercise muscle pig, he can probably do anything if he puts his mind to it. Maybe the only thing he can't do is leave his girlfriend for you, or like you. But it's not time for your pity party right now.

After a taxing hell week, Jungkook invited you to have a movie marathon with him as a friend at his place, to relax after the horrid week and hangout.

"What movies are we watching this time Kook?" you asked sitting on his bed comfortably, holding a bag of chips to munch on later as you watched movies. "Hmm, I was thinking we could watch all the Iron man movies, and maybe spiderman after."

"Wow you really like Iron man huh?" you teased smirking a little. "Well yeah, only uncultured swines don't." he retorted.

"I really like how pepper stayed by his side through everything. She's a brilliant woman." Jungkook says sometime during the movie. "Yeah, I haven't really seen all the iron man movies till now but I can say they suit each other well. Pun unintended." you laughed at your silly thought, making Jungkook smile too.

You were focusing on the movie when you realized Jungkook's attention wasn't fully on the movie, instead it was at you. He was staring at you and he wasn't even being subtle about it. "Hey creep, why are you staring? You're not planning to murder me are you?" You joked. "I'm not a creep and I'm not planning to murder you, I was just admiring the view." You felt a blush forming in your cheeks at his words. Did he mean he was admiring you? That you were the view? The view isn't even that beautiful though, you thought insecure.

"Stop joking around Kook." you told him shrugging him off. "I'm not though, but I'll stop. Wouldn't want you falling for me even more." He cockily remarked. You knew he was joking but you couldn't help but get pissed a little by his joke. It was like he was trying to rile you up and for what? You couldn't do anything with him. You shouldn't, besides you already had an agreement. "As if Kook, keep dreaming."

"I'll keep dreaming of you then."

"Shut up or I'm really gonna get mad now."

"Okay, okay. I was just teasing babe don't be mad, I'm sorry."

"Let's just continue watching the movie okay?"

"Yeah, of course." he said awkwardly.

💜

You were out buying something at the store when you saw someone familiar passing by. Was that Chaeyoung? Jungkook's girlfriend? After taking the items you bought you followed her, as you were curious if Jungkook was with her at the mall too. But to your surprise she entered a resto, and the guy waiting for her wasn't Jungkook. It was some guy you didn't know but they looked kinda close if you must say. Thinking he was just a friend, you were about to go on your way when you saw at the corner of your eye that they were a little too close to be just friends. She fed him some food and they were sweet with each other. An ugly thought geared in your head. She wasn't cheating on Jungkook wasn't she? But if she were then it would be so unfair to him.

You had the sudden urge to ask her what she was doing when you realized it wasn't your place and your business to butt in. You also remembered that you kissed his boyfriend so you were conflicted. Isn't it hypocritical to hate her for possibly cheating on Jungkook, when Jungkook kinda did the same? Their relationship is kinda fucked up if you think about it, and you don't want to be a part of it. But how can you not be affected when you've already sinned with your soulmate. You decided to go home instead of snitching her to Jungkook, as you thought it wasn't the right time yet. Also, you needed more proof and to know the truth if she really was doing it.

You were back again at Jungkook's place to do a project for school, as the universe decided to make you partners for this class project. Maybe it's the soulmate effect, ew. You should stop being delulu, you thought. You weren't gonna lie and say you don't enjoy spending time with Jungkook though, He was always so adorable and kind. Except for times when his cockiness gets the best of him, he was enjoyable to be around with. "So, which part do you wanna do first?" you asked. "Hmm, maybe the easy one first?" you laughed a little, of course he'd choose the easy part to do. "Okay. You'll do the vocabulary part and I'll do the introduction summary for now." You stated. He agreed and you both proceeded to do the project, chatting occasionally to ask some questions about it. You just finished your tasks for today, when Jungkook decided to make a dad joke and it was actually a good one- or maybe you're just lame that's why you found it so funny that you had tears in the corner of your eyes from laughing so much. Someone decided to knock on his door interrupting your crack fiasco, and you remembered to get yourself together and stop giggling like a crackhead.

"Chaeyoung? Why are you here?" Jungkook said as soon as he opened his door, his girlfriend appearing in front of him. "Because you weren't answering your phone Kook, and now I see why." She retorted, looking at you accusingly. She had put weird extensions on her hair, making her look quite ratchet. But her outfit was kinda nice, it was slutty like her. "Well Y/N's here because we're doing a school project, it's not what you're thinking Chae."

"And what am I thinking Kook? Care to tell me how you know what's on my mind?" she said sarcastically. "I'm just saying the stupid things you're thinking aren't real, babe." Chaeyoung got angry at his statement. "Are you saying I'm stupid Jungkook? How dare you!" she screamed.

"I never said that, you're the one who said it. Are we really gonna fight right now again? Because I don't have the time or energy for it. So can we do it some other time? Not right now when Y/N's here." Instead of being ashamed, the things Jungkook said just seemed to rile up his girlfriend more. "And so fcking what if she's here Kook? I don't care about her, and you shouldn't too. Your business with her is done! You shouldn't be meeting up with her anymore, but look at you hoeing around behind my back." You wanted to defend Jungkook, but you remembered that you did kiss him and that made you feel a little guilty. Though, you agreed to be just friends right now. "I'm not hoeing around Chaeyoung! Stop accusing me of doing things I'm not doing. I care about Y/N because she's my soulmate, and you should respect her as a person if you can't respect us being connected in each other's lives." Jungkook retorted right back at her. "If you're not playing around then why do I feel like you are Kook? A woman's instincts are never wrong. You've been cold to me. And whenever we talk, we just fight. Is it really crazy for me to think that it's because you want something or someone new?" she cried crocodile tears.

"I'm sorry if you feel that way, but It's not wholly my fault. You always seem to find mistakes in me and accuse me of stupid shit I didn't do, that's why we're always fighting. You say I never communicate, but when I try to- you're the one who doesn't listen to me. I don't even know what to do with you anymore Chae. I don't know what to do with us." Jungkook sighed, quite exhausted with the whole conversation they're having. It was so awkward for you to witness them fighting, that you wanted to get out of the room already. So you told Jungkook you were leaving.

"Kook, I'm sorry to butt-in but maybe I should leave now? We're almost done with the project anyway." Jungkook was about to reply and escort you out, but his girlfriend chimed in. "You really only thought to leave now? When you could've done that ages ago? Come to think of it, it's your fault why we're fighting again. You're an annoying little slut." Jungkook was embarrassed and bummed at his girlfriend for insulting you like that, she was being paranoid and a bitch. You decided not to mind her and say anything, even though her bitch ass was really getting into your nerves. "Chaeyoung shut up!" he told her.

"No. Why should I shut up when it's true? It's her fcking fault for being such a flirty whore trying to steal you away from me! You're not even gonna deny it are you?" You couldn't help but answer her as you couldn't take the bullshit she was spouting anymore. "I don't usually respond to background noise and nonsense people, but since you wanted my attention so badly- I'm gonna tell you this. I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend, so please get out of your imagination now, It's not healthy." You retorted snarkily. You were about to get out of the door, but you couldn't help but tell her one last thing before you go,

"And before you call me a whore, make sure you're not one."

And you coolly went out of the door and walked away from them, leaving poor slutty Chaeyoung stunned.

TBC. 💜

If you enjoyed reading this and u wanna help a broke gal buy some food to eat during this pandemic, my kofi is: https://ko-fi.com/neinyajung U can buy me a coffee for $3, only if you want to ofc! I totes understand if u can't. Even just reblogging this chapter would make me happy :)

Also, positive feedback and reblogs are highly appreciated! your comments are what inspires us writers to write more! so pls tell me what u liked about the story, so I'll be inspired to write and give you fast updates.

If you wanna be added on the taglist Reblog and comment on this chapter to be invited on the gc! ty 💜 my taglist is on the Kiss me Heal me tumblr groupchat as it's easier to notify people there.

[ouijaban]

Clarification

Hey everyone!

So I really have been trying to avoid saying anything about this situation publicly but honestly with what Al (@alfonsobeilschmidt) has just done I feel as if I’m obligated to. I have no way of contacting him privately—believe me, I tried—so I’m just going to have to do it this way.

For whatever reason, Al seems to be convinced that this v*re-centric account belongs to me. I have no idea why he thinks that, but it definitely doesn’t. In fact v*re and c*nnibalism are huge squicks for me.

In addition, the pronouns and age of the person who runs that account are also different from mine, which is perhaps why Al misgendered him. At any rate, this person is completely unrelated to the situation Al is discussing, so I have no idea why he implied that he was bullying him when after I reached out to this person they confirmed that they did not know my friends and had never interacted with Al. Exposing his page in an attempt to “gotcha” me and my friends is not only unfair to us, but also to him—this person has never interacted with Al and is being accused of harassment and bullying?

That leads me to my next point: harassment. So taking the unrelated person’s account out of it, let me recap what actually has taken place between Al, some of my friends, and myself. Al asked to join a tendershipping server we are in on July 21st. This is a space we have curated for ourselves, and people are asked two questions at the beginning to make sure they vibe and will enjoy hanging out with us as this is a strictly top Bakura server, which is mentioned in the rules and also is literally the name of the server.

Al was asked one of the questions and said he preferred a different dynamic in a way that made some people in the server uncomfortable, and also that suggested he wouldn’t enjoy being in the server to begin with. As a result he was politely asked to leave.

This is not harassment or bullying by any stretch of the imagination. He has said that mpreg, which was what the meme was about, was a trigger for him, and that’s why he made those jokes. That is completely understandable! The reason that image (which is extremely vague and has only text) is included is because we talk about it all the time, and if it is a trigger then someone who reacts poorly to it wouldn’t want to be there anyway and would be upset by that.

I also literally was not present for this conversation, and have never spoken to Al directly. I only saw screenshots of it after he had already left. Point being, even if this was harassment, the implication that I was somehow the ringleader here is so off base it’s laughable.

On the day of, because Al was talking about the situation on Twitter, someone else in the server made a very general post stating ‘it’s ok to have preferences.’ This is the only occasion that I can see in which anyone in the server has ever even alluded to what occurred publicly.

Since that point Al has continuously vagued us and me specifically on Twitter. I don’t have all of the screenshots because we have each other blocked and I don’t in fact check his account very regularly, but here are a few where he’s obviously sniping at our group—as well as misgendering the people he interacted with, 3/4 of whom use he/him pronouns and are neither women nor woman-aligned.

None of us have interacted with him since the day he left. He also sent one of his friends (@snowflakeryo) who again, none of us have ever interacted with, to harass us further.

In addition, in July I was running a tendershipping-themed week. When I saw this pop up in the tendershipping tag, which I check regularly, I tried to ignore it, but I cannot deny that it made me super uncomfortable. Doing an event that is clearly supposed to parody mine in order to upset me is harassment, and I want to again clarify that I have never spoken to Al in my life.

The above screenshots are his event in comparison to mine. After this happened I was very unnerved and I will readily admit that I occasionally checked his account as a result of that. But I never said anything publicly about it or incited others to talk to him about it, and no one else did either.

That’s how I ended up seeing the below screenshot where he readily admits to doing the event out of spite, which I was already acutely aware of.

I found it particularly ironic that, when no one acknowledged this post or reacted badly to it because we have no reason to, Al decided that he did want to tag the ship and “cause discourse” so he reposted again under the tag, which I saw through just normally browsing the ship tag as I often do because I love the ship.

Around this time I made a vaguely salty post on Tumblr about characterization and how different people write tendershipping. This actually was about someone else; I’ve never read Al’s writing and wouldn’t have known he was even a writer were it not for his mock-event so I would not know what it sounds like. I shouldn’t have said it regardless of who it’s about—for that I apologize. I really do not use Tumblr that often, and it was an extremely general post that I thought literally 0 people would see. I didn’t tag any ships or people, and virtually no one did end up seeing it except apparently Al, because—though I didn’t at the time know it—he must have been checking on my account on a regular basis. While I had a reason to do so (e.g. my paranoia about his spiteful events, literally sending people to apply to the server just to make fun of us), he does not, as I have never spoken to him in my life before this point.

https://alfonsobeilschmidt.tumblr.com/post/629203041731641344/aight-last-mention-and-then-ill-drop-it

(The post I’m referring to is the one with the cowboy emojis.)

I don’t know what he’s been telling his friends, but one of the responses to his “exposé” of me being a v*re account and a harasser, neither of which are true, was this, from a friend of his. This, ironically, is the same friend who sent the mocking server application.

No one is bullying anyone about a ship preference or stalking anyone else except you. Please leave me and my friends alone, and don’t talk about us anymore. I didn’t want to make this post or say anything about this publicly because I have no interest in being involved in drama or even being a figure in fandom at all, but harassment, bullying, and stalking are all very serious allegations, and they are in this case 100% false. 

For anyone other than Al and his friends reading this, I’m terribly sorry about all this, and I really hope I’ll never have to talk about this again. 

[balletroyale]

Asked and Answered: Russian Ballet

Honest question, do you think there’s a chance Kovaleva won’t be promoted to prima after all? Her repertoire is astoundingly limited... is it possible that newly-promoted Marchenkova will overtake her?

I have no idea what will happen. But I wouldn’t say Kovaleva’s repetoire is limited, especially as she is so ill-suited for what she does do. I will say that I see two openings for principal women at the Bolshoi in the next five years. Who will it be? Well, favor changes quickly there...

(Contd from last message re: Bolshoi v Mariinsky) can you BELIEVE than Nagahisa got JULIET?????? What’s next??? Nikiya for Lukina, Aurora for Nagahisa, Raymonda for Ionova and O/O for Nuikina?

Given the incompetence of the directing of the theatre, I fully suspect all these will eventually happen... But if the question wasn’t rhetorical, I’d say Aurora for Nagahisa and O/O for Nuikina are soonest in our future. Barf. 

Honestly I’m amazed at all the roles 2nd soloists at the Mariinsky get versus Bolshoi soloists.... I mean, Giselle for both Lukina and Nagahisa??? One of the heaviest principal roles?!?! Gamzatti for Nuikina? Meanwhile the only principal role Denisova has danced is Phrygia, Zhiganshina danced Gamzatti and both have been with the company for longer than the Mariinsky girls I mentioned. even Sevenard who is so hyped up hasn’t danced any principal role besides Kitri. And Kitri is objectively entry level, it’s not comparable in difficulty with Giselle. IMO the Bolshoi policy is much more prudent, I really like how they’re handling young dancers rn (perhaps they have learnt from the Kovaleva mess...?)

The structure of the Mariinsky is absolute f****ed up. Their ranks have basically been rendered meaningless. They have about four women who actually dance as principals, and yet almost all of the first soloists dance almost if not more frequently (as they dance principal AND soloist roles) for less prestige and of course, less money. If you’re going to cast people consistently in leading roles, then promote them so they can have something to show for it. It’s disgraceful to not give these dancers the rank they deserve. 

I agree the Bolshoi is leaning towards being miles better in this regard, though it hasn’t always been the case. I hope the trend continues. 

Regarding maria khoreva’s promotion, I think I saw someone say (I forgot who or where) that they suspect that Fateyev keeps promoting her to keep her at Mariinsky. She’s a major talent and they probably want to push her as the next Lopatkina or at least Tereshkina (god forbid but you know what I mean). But she’s very famous especially on social media with digital marketing, Instagram, Tiktok, etc. and has a lot of connections and clout overseas in the West. Basically any company would be happy to take her and she would instantly be an international star (with her level of dancing and being in a Western company) so Fateyev is desperate to keep her at Mariinsky so he attempts to appease her with leading roles and the rank of first soloist. Maybe this is something really obvious that everyone already knows but I never thought of it this way before and I think it makes a lot of sense.

Yes and I do really respect her business acumen and ability to sell herself for what people consider her worth as a young woman. However, I think she and the companies are very misguided in thinking that this is the way that ballet companies should be structured and careers made. 

Ohhh my GOD. This might seem a bit random but I honestly don’t know where else to talk about this (I’ll confront the people I’m about to talk about below but just thought sharing this here is quite important). So I run a Krysanova fan account on IG, recently posted a video of her fouettés. Someone reposted them on Twitter with the caption “Europeans” and someone else replied “Black culture: twerking” which they liked. I clicked into their account, they claim to be “pro-White” (now what the fuck is that?) and to “inspire, bring hope and joy to Whites” and they post content of European women. That’s fine and dandy, I love European culture but newsflash! Not all Europeans are White! And they didn’t even ask me for permission or credit me (just like how Europeans stole, invaded and colonized Indigenous peoples and their lands ahem) but that’s not even the worse. They apparently posted some photos that have Sw*stik*s in them (and deleted them promptly afterwards) and they went on some Youtube video of two Black women talking about dating and marriage in Iceland and harassed them saying Icelandic people find it disgusting, that they’re promoting “White replacement”... They also retweeted this account who is basically a White Supremacist spewing nonsense and hate to POC, especially the Black community. Saying White people are “being attacked”, defending H*tl*r, N*z*sm and racism, that POC perpetuate violent crime, drugs and prostitution, that Europe should only belong to “Indigenous Europeans” and it’s appalling that POC are “replacing White people” etc.. It hurts and disgusts me to see ballet, such a beautiful art form empowering and uplifting so many people around the world, being fucking weaponized and perverted into something that endorses such a vile belief and worldview. I know this might seem super random in your ask box, It was just one account that I’ve seen so far, I don’t know if this has been going on for a long time in their wider community of racist fucks but this is certainly the first time I have seen it and I’m SICK. I REALLY hope exploiting ballet for their disgusting purposes is not an actual phenomenon but it probably is :(

I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t think it’s a widespread phenomena though, fortunately.