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#so im doing a double post today!
kikker-oma · 11 months
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enka11 · 2 years
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i feel like i can’t be blamed for expecting a little bit more those mystery boxes look huge
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triglycercule · 1 month
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i need the murder time trio to drink eachother's blood after causing an injury. that's so romantic in both my eyes and theirs. i need them to bite eachother and claw at eachother and injure eachother and hurt. and then when they try to patch eachother up make the injury hurt more before finally wrapping it up with a bandaid and a kiss or a lingering glance or DARE I SAY a hug (because imo a hug is much more vulnerable than a kiss). peak of romantism i dare say
i need them to use violence against eachother as a way to keep them grounded or to just let out anger towards eachother i need dust to gouge out horror's eye and then give horror his own to replace it. i need horror to squeeze killer's soul until he can feel the pain but in exchange killer gets to use a knife inside his head i want killer and dust to fight everyday and soon their bones will be littered with scars of the other's attacks I NEED THEM TO HURT EACHOTHER!!!!!!
they share pain and release anger and frustration and all that stuff onto eachother but dw dw this is how they love. but they do genuinely dislike eachother (because no matter how much they love one another they STILL can never manage to get over their differences and that's what makes them PEAK) but they also care for the other two and in their fucked up minds this is a good relationship. not because its not toxic because it definitely fucking is but because everyone is satisfied
i love murder time trio poly
#double post today because i'm genuinely fucking tweaking out over this#it started as me thinking about mtt drinking eachother's blood and then it spiralled#I LOVE MTT POLY I LOVE MTT POLY!!!!! IM MTT POLYS NUMBER ONE FAN#WHO CARES ABOUT RECOVERY AND HEALING AND ALL THAT!!!! MAKE EACHOTHER WORSE!!!!!!!!!#the only people that the trio was worse to than eachother is the world#they may stab and slice and blast eachother but they are together and that's all that matters#PARTNERS IN CRIME I DARE SAY!!!!! PARTNERS IN CRIME I SCREAM!!!!!! BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY DO CRIME THEYRE FUCKING CRIMINALS#DEFINITION OF PARTNERS IN CRIME BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING CALL EACHOTHER SHIT LIKE LOVER OR BF OR ANY SAPPY SHIT LIKE THST#NO!!!! PARTNERS. KEEP THAT SHIT NON EMOTIONAL. AND THEN THE CRIME????#THE GROUP NAME IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING MUUUURDDDERRRR TIME TRIO MURDER TIME TRIO THEY MURDER THEY KILL THEYRE CRIMINALS#i hate when people use partners in crime to describe a group WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN DO FUCKING CRIME#this version of the trio is one of my absolute favorites. i never post about an outright romantic mtt but i love this dynamic#usually my posts are more along the lines of the mtt as a friend group (qpr but i never tell anyone that so only i get to know :3)#ufhhhhhh me when deciding if i like this violently romantic mtt or my comedic silly goofy mtt more#absolutely toxic yet beautifully in love romantic poly VS funny laugh inducing but TRYING (struggling) to heal qpr. which ones better#UGH I CANT CHOOSE!!!! I CANT CHOOOOOOSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#mtt poly#murder time trio poly#horrordust#kist#horrorkiller#what tricule tag category does this go in hmmmm hmmmm#this reads like a rant but i feel like this should be a hc#tricule hc
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orcelito · 2 months
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hello i did a fun thing
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TOTAL WORD COUNTS: 2020: 110311 2021: 273622 2022: 154134 2023: 142187 2024: 20248
estimated my total words posted to ao3 (had to go chapter by chapter for discacc bc ao3 shows the total word count for a fic under the year it's been last updated, and thus not helpful for this with my 500k words beast of a fic)
the fun thing about 2020 is that ALL of those words were between 11/21 and the end of the year. so it was actually my most productive time, just squished into a span of barely even a month and a half
you can see. that this year has not been very good for my writing.
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bmpmp3 · 2 months
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holy FUCK IA's voisona 2.0 is OUT
#sorry this is just a 3 second made solfege with all auto tuning i just got the update downloaded LOL#am i insane. was i just not paying enough attention to their twitters or was this like shadow dropped#i mean we knew it would come someday but i think i forgot that like#voisona seems to do this with their 2.0s. they barely build any hype they just give em to you LOL#girl so much is happening rn. ia and one 2.0..... takuto's voicevox bank was finally announced.......#i have so many things i want to draw celebration doodles of. so many.#also this is unrelated but downloaded ia's 2.0 made me realize i was like three or so versions behind in voisona#because i like never update things in general and also i didnt realize they had updated so much#BUT holy shit. they added so much stuff so many presets and fun little bits BUT SPECIFICALLY#the tune parameter... that changes how much autopitch it has.... holy shit#now you can make a full pitchsnapping thing.... or you can have a blank slate when doing ur own tuning.... awesome#the husky parametre is still a little strange tho. its uh. so in cevio its basically just breathiness#but in voisona is like. tense and kinda. wet? you can get a but of subtle breathiness but mostly it just sounds like theyre hissing#like a cat. which can be good. but i abuse breathiness and tension in other software so i would love some parametres akin to that#although you can get some of that through the presets in the properties at least#so i would love some easier ways to play around with softness and breathiness. you can kind of fudge it with volume but its tough#but impromptu voisona editor 1.11 first impressions review aside im so excited#i neeeeeed to plug in as many covers as i can right NOW just to hear her voice AUUUUUUUHHHHHHH#unfollow me now this will be the only thing i talk about for the next week etc etc#edit: like immediately after I posted this i went back on twitter to double check something and then saw the new#cfm news. jesus christ today has been crazy for vocal synths truly
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sucrose-soymilk · 1 year
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hadn’t really regressed in a While and i didn’t realize how much i missed/dareisay needed it until i had the free time and ability to do so over the last few days and i have to say. i’m feeling a bit better
#imagine that! the coping mechanism… helps!!! wow#Seven’s Small Thoughts#not tagging this as anything else bc this blog is really just a not-so-secret public diary#and im not really trying to gain any sort of following or participate in the community very much#i just wanna talk to the void abt regression every once in a blue moon y’know#i also feel like i don’t really belong in the community much/am not a Good Example of sfw agere since i’m very n/ s/ f/ w everywhere else#which is a double standard that i don’t hold others to but i feel like others will hold it against me??? and i’m just shy anyways#and not looking to interact. just wanna keep all this stuff tucked away in a side-blog#i also feel like a lot of the community likes to blog while actively regressed and i don’t wanna step in there as someone who isn’t#nothing wrong with it! at all! i just don’t have the capacity to since i go nonverbal when i regress. no thoughts head blissfully empty#anyways this wasn’t supposed to be a vent post let’s change the topic!#anywhooo what else did i come on here to say. oh yeah#i lowkey forgot how much regressing has helped me in the past until i was able to really indulge myself in it again recently#it’s so nice to just be small and hand someone else the reins and forget abt everything other than doing something you enjoy#maybe one day i’ll be at a point in my life where i can fully regress more freely and more often but for now i’ll take what i can get#i’m also excited because i’ve been thinking abt ordering a paci from this one specific seller#and yesterday saw that they’re dropping a new batch of fall/halloween themed ones today!!!#so now i’ve gotta make myself stay awake until 6pm so i can jump on it when they’re available#which is a small struggle considering my nocturnal sleep schedule but i will do it nonetheless#that crescent moon patterned one Will Be Mine#trying to decide between buttercup yellow and schoolbus yellow for the clip#i think i’m more drawn to the vibrancy of the schoolbus yellow honestly#eeeeeee i’m excited i’ve been wanting to treat myself to ordering from this shop for a g e s and im finally gonna do it
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feral-and-or-horny · 2 years
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I am the sexiest and most competent barista in this coffeshop
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literaphobe · 7 months
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every time an angel comments on tvl ch7 a someone gets its wings 😍
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callilouv · 1 year
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idk if i rlly am unable to feel intense hate for something or i conditioned myself into thinking that hating soemthing makes me even more of a bad person so i refuse to feel such things HMMM
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kittyhazelnut · 1 year
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guess who finally gets to do their teacher evaluation on their shitty clinical professor? :D
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fizzstix · 20 days
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i don't wanna jinx it but just from this first day i get the impression that this is gonna be a pretty good year
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n7calibrations · 9 days
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WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK ARIZONA
Okay, look. I know I don't have a huge following. I'm hoping my friends @nudityandnerdery and @dee-the-red-witch and anyone else I may manage to tag after might be kind enough to share.
Im well aware tumblr isn't a US site. However this post ist for US citizens.
If you think you are registered to vote, and you plan on doing so this November, MAKE SURE. DOUBLE CHECK. Because you may not be.
A month or two ago, a tumblr post encouraged me to verify my voting status, and I did. All was well. I was happy. Nothing to worry about.
I saw a different post elsewhere today that gave me a mild nudge to check again, and to my surprise, I was listed as INACTIVE.
Nothing about my registration had changed. I hadn't moved. I hadn't changed ID numbers. Obviously my SSN doesn't change. My job hadn't even changed. There is absolutely no reason my voter registration should not have been the same as it was 2 months ago.
I have updated it. But you can bet your ass I'll be checking it weekly until it's actually time to vote. And you should, too.
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priniya · 7 days
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ᯓᡣ𐭩 GORGEOUS! ᡣ𐭩ᯓ
pairing. oscar piastri x leclerc!reader
summary. the youngest leclerc was known to be an outgoing, extroverted menace, but suddenly when she meets the new mclaren driver, she does something she never does — gets embarrassing.
notes. a fair warning for the google translated french.im sorry if it sucks 😭😭 its my first time doing something like this and i really hope u like it :3 ALSO??? OSCAR WIN IN BAKU WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THE OVERTAKE?? THE DEFENDING?? a great day for piastrination!!!!! (can you tell i totally dig x leclerc!reader??) send requests for more smaus pls :)
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yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1, arthur_leclerc and 127 621 others.
yourusername spreading the rbr agenda on the streets of kyoto, because your girl finally graduated journalism and engineering with honours!
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arthur_leclerc charles just saw the jacket and had an aneurysm LMAO
user1 someone check on leclerc pls
charles_leclerc cant believe my OWN baby sister wears that in public
yourusername ill take it off once ferrari releases their own energy drink 👍
alexandrasaintmleux gorgeous as usual ❤️
yourusername please dump my brother and date me instead
yourusername please i beg you
yourusername JUST ONE CHANCE 😭😭😣😣😣😭😭
user2 yn is one of us
maxverstappen1 looking good in blue! 💙
loved by author!
yourbff girl land that job or you gon go broke soon with that red bull addiction 👎👎👎
user3 atp yn is sponsoring the team 😭
yourbff you bet she is, girl
user4 double major in such different things pop off queen
user5 need to see her in paddock cos i know the girl is bout to argue with ferrari engineers
yourusername bin*tto left ferrari cos he knew i would drag him down 😁😁😁
user6 love how we had to go thru the 2023 drought without the baby leclerc and now shes baaaack
user7 fr i missed the times when ferrari wasnt the only thing making charles miserable
user7 congratulations on graduating queen!!!! cant wait for the new vid or to see u at one of the races 🥺
user8 im sorry im really new to f1 stuff who is she and why are the drivers here? 😭
user9 this is charlies sister yn!! but she has her youtube channel where she used to post a lot of diff stuff! shes been living in japan for the past four years of her undergrad degrees but due to the workload she had a hiatus for a year 💔💔 u should check out her channel its so cool
arthur_leclerc
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liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 320 612 others.
arthur_leclerc good day in monaco today, changing professions to a photographer rn, what u think of that?
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user10 arthur you had one job to bring your sister to paddock…
user11 its just friday girl calm down
yourusername please restrain yourself from posting pictures of that ugly face you see in the mirror
yourusername …WHO IS IN THE SECOND SLIDE
yourusername ARTHUR ANSWER ME
yourusername my ovaries are quacking rn ARTHUR ANSWER ME
user12 not yn simping over oscar AND calling arthur ugly 😭😭😭
user13 shes so me tbh
charles_leclerc such a handsome man on the third slide 🔥🔥🔥
olliebearman why is yn tweaking like that 😭
yourusername cos he’s so pretty
oscarpiastri you were supposed to send me the picture not POST IT
user14 this is the guy yourusername 🔥‼️‼️
yourusername omg hes SO gorgeous
oscarpiastri thank you…?
arthur_leclerc yourusername please stop embarrassing the family name
yourusername
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liked by oscarpiastri, alex_albon and 101 892 others.
yourusername a quick pit stop in paris before the monaco course is broken!!!!!! (source: trust me bro 🙂‍↕️) drinking for my pookie dookiest brother to secure that pole and p1 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️
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yourusername dont let the caption fool you, i am NOT stopping drinking vodka red bull to make sure rbr doesn’t lose their biggest sponsor (me)
maxverstappen1 ty for your service 🫡🫡
yourusername no prob pookie, lecfosi by association but a red bull girlie at heart 😌😌
yourusername big thanks to the autocorrect ❤️❤️❤️ youre the real one babe 🔥🔥🔥
user15 wait till she realises oscar is in the likes…
user16 ohh the girl is gonna be so messy 😭😭😭
user16 im all for it tho 🔥
lilymhe WHAT A GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRL
alexandrasaintmleux face card is never denied!
user17 oscar in the likes 🥹🥹
yourusername WHO IS IN THE LIKES??????
yourusername NOO OH MY GOD HES HERE
yourusername HI YOURE SUPER CUTE oscarpiastri
user18 SHE TAGGED HIM LOL
user19 she really want that dick…
yourusername i just think hes cute that is NOT a crime
oscarpiastri i think you’re really cute too :)
yourusername HXJSKSJJDBDJSJS
yourusername sorry a red bull ran across my screen 😭
arthur_leclerc yourbff please tell her she’s not as slick as she thinks she is
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user20 what do you expect 😭😭 she probably partied all night before getting to monaco
user21 LMAOO RIGHT??? but if you watched her vids you know that the girl LOVES an opportunity for a party
user22 yn stronger than me because i’d kiss him on the spot
user23 alr weirdo… they JUST met
user24 he is probably weirded out like imagine meeting a girl who SIMPS over you in the insta comments… she needs to chill
user25 he won’t pick you 👎👎
user26 gtfo if he was weirded out he wouldnt be in the likes of her post or sayin he thinks shes cute lol
user27 the real gentleman out there 🥹🥹
user28 i need them together asap
user29 super delulu but i totally dig the golden retriever gf x polite black cat bf
user30 OMGGG I TOTALLY SEE THE VISION
user31 pls they just met and he was just being polite 👎 stop trying to get into their lives
yourusername
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liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc and 428 621 others.
yourusername HE DID IT!!!! I TOLD YALL THAT HE WOULD DO IT!!! MY BROTHER WINS IN MONACO. DONT HIT US UP FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO!!! ITS CELEBRATION TIME!!!! aussi, charlie, il n'y a pas beaucoup de mots capables d'exprimer à quel point je suis fier de toi. vous l'avez fait et personne ne peut vous l'enlever.
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priniya translation! also, charlie — there isn’t an amount of words able to express how proud i am of you. you did it and no one can take it away from you.
user32 girlie might tell everyone she’s a red bull girl, but like the king sebastian once said, everyone is a ferrari fan even when they say they’re not or something like that 🔥🔥🔥
user33 CONGRATULATIONS CHARLES!!! FINALLY WON!!!
carlossainz55 ay cropped my ‘carlos p3’ out 😖😖
yourusername this is a celebration post for my pookiest brother you are IRRELEVANT rn
carlossainz55 that was harsh
yourusername win YOUR home race and i’ll post one 4 u 👍👍
charles_leclerc je t’aime mon lutin ❤️
yourusername je t’aime mon coco 🫶🫶🫶
oscarpiastri congratulations to the man of the day, such an honour to stand next to you on the podium xx
arthur_leclerc man you gotta stop commenting on her posts, she’s going insane rn
oscarpiastri i’m sorry…?
yourusername NO DONT BE SORRY DONT LISTEN TO HIM IM COMPLETELY SANE
yourusername oscarpiastri please keep interacting with me i’m gonna die if you listen to arthur
oscarpiastri i guess i gotta text you now and then to make sure you don’t die
yourusername please do that
user34 do they know we can see that??
user35 idc im eating this up
user36 oscaryn truthers rise and shine
user37 atp i cant tell if hes interested or if hes doing that for his own entertainment
user38 probably both
user39 i LOVE how a celebration post for charles turned into an opportunity to flirt with oscar 😭😭
user40 she is NOT stronger than me because if i had a chance i’d took it
user41 setting her priorities straight
oscarpiastri
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liked by landonorris, yourusername and 792 721 others.
oscarpiastri a quick but very much needed pit stop before zandvoort
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user42 someone check on yn ASAP
user43 yn one of us once again because we couldn’t bag oscar either 😭
user44 can yall stop talking abt that girl FOR ONCE no one gaf
landonorris looking good mate
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yourusername pls tell me you found more of these beautiful seashells and brought some back for me
oscarpiastri we did actually! y immediately thought abt you and picked the pretty ones
yourusername GOD. i love her give her a big hug from me
oscarpiastri will do maam 🫡🫡
user45 so it’s not yn in the pics?? NOOOOO
user46 my life is ruined rn
user47 throwing oscaryn into a memory box because oscar and his gf looks really cute together
charles_leclerc hope you had a great summer mate
oscarpiastri the best 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️
user48 what if they r just trolling us because this caption looks really similar to the one yn posted before monaco???
user49 OMGGG YOURE ONTO SOMETHING
user50 hopefully on the way to the psych ward because this is some delulu shit
user51 soft launch over the summer 🥹🥹 hes so cute
user52 whoever his girl is, i just hope they’re happy and yall should too!
yourusername also plsplspls can y send me the id to the top?? it looks so cute from the back
user53 girl he wont choose you stop trying so hard 😭😭
user54 they can be friends ? lol
user55 does someone knows who the girl is???? i need to know its not yn 😭😭
user56 georgerussell63 tell us what you know 🫵🫵
georgerussell63 🤐🤐🤐
alex_albon he’s actually crying and gritting his teeth because he’d LOVE to tell
gossipracegirl
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liked by georgerussell63, user57 and 87 621 others.
gossipracegirl a rumour has it that a driver for formula one with a number eighty one was seen getting cozy with one of his on-track rival’s little sister, while in a relationship. was it a drunken mistake or was it all planned?
tagged oscarpiastri yourusername
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user58 something is really wrong with leclercs one is a homie hopper and second is a homewrecker LOL
user59 shouldve happened in monaco so the people could get detained for invading their priacy like wtf WHO CARES
user60 all she do is bring bad pr to oscar BOO👎👎👎
user61 nooo oscar pookie you were supposed to be free from drama 😭😭
user62 gr63 in the likes LMAOO
user63 not yn being a homewrecker girl i liked u sm 😭😭
user64 yall acting like she’s in the wrong ? it gotta be consensual if they looked that chill n happy
user65 no wonder why yn has been streaming olivia rodrigo RELIGIOUSLY
user66 isnt that some type of incest atp?
user67 LMAOO imagine making out with your brother’s adopted son
yourusername
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liked by pascale_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 273 811 others.
yourusername YALL THOUGHT. it was me all along :P i was giggling n kicking my feet pretending i know osco’s gf while it was ME. summer break vlog with osco coming up sooner than u think so please stop calling me a homewrecker 😖😖😖
also, girls don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, being yourself is what gets you an amazing guy even if your brother thinks youre embarrassing <3
tagged oscarpiastri
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georgerussell63 ty for not SLACKING OFF anymore i barely could hold it inside 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
yourusername you told HALF the grid be for real brother you DID NOT hold it inside
fransisca.gomes no way oscar bagged you before i could 😭😭😭😭
yourusername i’m always gonna be yours kiks no one could take you away from me <3
francisca.gomes <3
pierregasly really thought getting u a bf would mean you leave MY girl alone
yourusername thinking is not your best thing, stick to racing
user68 shit user48 YOU WERE RIGHT
user48 NEVER DOUBT ME BITCHES
user69 this text?? oh he is down bad for you girl
user70 i need all of those bitches who called yn a homewrecker to APOLOGISE like rn
oscarpiastri thank you for letting me be a part of your life like this
user71 i know the girl is GIGGLING rn
yourusername thank YOU for making a part of YOUR life
user72 get yourself a man who THANKS you for being with you
user73 oscar piastri is the MAN
user74 osco 🥹🥹
user75 theyre the cutest your honour
arthur_leclerc cant believe you two are actually together
arthur_leclerc what is WRONG with you oscarpiastri
user76 SO OPPOSITES DOES ATTRACT
charles_leclerc i feel like i should tear those adoption papers apart no?
user77 nicole and pascale in the likes omg the moms r proud 🥹
hattiepiastri i miss youuuu come back to aus soon
yourusername I MISS YOU TOO 😭😭 i’ll be back soon!!
lorenzotl ❤️❤️❤️
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lilymhe double date when?
yourusername mark your calendar, we’ll be there 🫶
user78 does it mean we lose our favorite rbr girlie? 😭😭😭😖😖
user79 mclaren YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM US 🫵
yourusername i am NOT wearing that ugly orange for a MAN (even if hes super gorgeous and sweet)
mclaren ☹️☹️☹️
landonorris it’s papaya
yourusername “it’s papaya” ☝️🤓
landonorris oscarpiastri please break up with her or you’re gonna be paying for my therapy
oscarpiastri send the bill mate, i’m in for the longest ride possible here
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izzy-b-hands · 1 year
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I actually got an answer! (635 pm)
unfortunately now I've still got the shaking to deal with
i think it's bc i expect them to focus so hard on my numbers, and i worry abt dropping too low, but then i go So Hard and worry myself like this before every shift
bc like. it's 50 calls an hour minimum, and in theory i can meet that while not pushing myself to go overboard, but i worry just meeting that won't be enough
im trying to give myself permission to half ass tonight as well (with the logic of they barely half ass communicating with me and my coworkers, so surely im safe to do my version of half assing, which was once described by a former coworker as 'still mostly full assing it tho, dude') and i just can't. anyone else, yes, half ass it, dial but don't lose your shit over it, try to chill even as you call, but for myself? nope, can't convince myself that's allowed
i know things will be fine but for rn my brain is So Overwhelmed and So Scared and Very Stupid (isnt it always at least a little lmao) and im. wanting to work bc Need Money but not wanting to bc Everything Else Abt the Job
why can't i just do things right without all this extra effort and worry. other ppl can. but I can't, no matter what i do or how hard I try.
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morphids · 3 months
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break up with your boyfriend, ellie williams
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pairing: bestfriend!ellie x afab, curly haired,bi!reader (college au)
chapter: one shot (8k words whoops my finger slipped got my asd diagnosis today lol ig that explains that) proofread but if there's errors idk what to tell u
warnings: explicit sexual content, 18+ so minors dni, subish!ellie, loserlesbian ellie, poc friendly!! drug mentions, marijuana usage, friends to lovers, angst?? ellie gets her coochie ate, so does reader, fingering, ✂️✂️, all that good stuff, they essentially worship each other, cheating (not by reader but sus behaviours n thoughts fs) (tw::: men bf’s a dickspawn imsorry) homophobia.
summary: you have a horrible boyfriend, ellie’s always hated him. 
a/n: full word vomit im sorry if its ass but also i kinda lost my composure writing this 🤭🫣😵‍💫
AS ALWAYS FUCK DRUCKMANN AND ALL ZIONISTS, resources for Palestine and the daily click linked on my pinned post!
**
You were tired, drained. Hours had passed and you and your boyfriend were still at it. Angry words and misunderstood sentences all throughout the day had resulted in yet another fight between you.
"Dean, I've said it so many times, I can't go through it again,"
Dean, your boyfriend of a few months had a rocky track record, from keeping in close contact with his ex, to not telling interested girls that he's not single. The situation was always the same, you'd express your discomfort with something and he'd get angry, defensive. Then, eventually after so much arguing would get you to 'realise' that it's no big deal, that you shouldn't have reacted that way at all and in fact, you should apologise to him for making him feel like a cheater.
You had considered breaking up with him, so many times, in fact. Yet, you simply couldn't bring yourself to do it, still holding out with hope that things will improve.
"Baby, I swear nothing is going on, she's just my friend."
"Fine, okay." You ceased, feeling mentally drained by hours of conflict, "I have to go, need to meet Ellie, we have that test soon."
"You're leaving?" Dean said, clearly still agitated and pumping from the fight,
"Yes, Dean," you sighed, glancing in the mirror to double-check that your makeup hadn't been ruined from the previous crying, "I told you, this exam is really important," In other words, you have more things to be worrying about than your issues with him.
Gathering your books and piling them into your tote bag, you felt Dean's eyes on you, silently steaming as he saw you pick up your books.
"I'll see you later," Without looking back, you grabbed your keys from the side of the door and headed out.
He always had a problem with Ellie, which you couldn't understand, she was always supportive and kind to you. What reason would he have to dislike her?
You had been friends ever since that first physics class three years ago, you had sat in the row in front of her, over fifteen minutes into the lecture had passed until you felt a tap at your shoulder. Turning, you were greeted with green eyes and a smiling face adorned with light freckles.
"Hey, you got a spare pen?" She looked bashful, almost embarrassed that she hadn't been prepared even for the first class of the year. A half smile was placed on her lips. Amused, you gladly handed her a pen, pleased that you had an abundance of pens neglected at the bottom of your tote bag. You were always prepared, just not the most organised.
At the end of the lecture, she tried to hand you back the pen, but you refused and insisted she kept it, was she planning on asking someone for every class she had? That was just inefficient.
When you wouldn't accept the pen back, she ripped out a rough square from a page of her notebook, scribbling her number quickly so she could pay you back for the pen. 
You had been friends ever since, there was something that just worked. She had been there long before Dean and you would be damned if he was to get in the way of your friendship.
You had reached Dina and Ellie's place, they both shared the accommodation whilst you lived in a one-bed en-suite in a dorm. Dean lived at his fraternity, which you always hated going to meaning you spent most of the time at your place instead. 
Knocking, you only waited for a few seconds until the door swung open, revealing Ellie, clad in a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. The open door had caused a draught to haze through the air, the faint scent of smoke and music softly playing at a low volume.
"Hey, you." She spoke, smiling that usual smile that was seemingly tattooed on her lips. Ellie moved out of the doorway to let you in, closing the door behind you as you stepped into the familiar, comforting living room.
"Hey," your tone must have not been well received, as it prompted a,
"Well, what's gotten into you?"
"I've had the worst day, Dean-" you were interrupted by a slightly exaggerated groan, with an added,
"What has he done this time?"
"Ellie.." you sighed, dropping your tote from your shoulder and to the floor, kneeling down to pull out your books and pens.
"I'm serious," she threw her hands up, leaning against the edge of the desk where her work had been all set out already, "He's always up to some bullshit."
Ellie was confused, annoyed actually as you explained the situation to her. In her head, as a lesbian, the solution to these kinds of issues was so, so obvious to her; break up with him, he's not worth it. She had repeated this rhetoric to many of her men-loving friends, all of which refused to listen to her only to turn out heartbroken in the end, anyway.
"I wasn't exactly being rational either," you tried to explain, not that you were making excuses for him, but you felt a certain need to defend your relationship with Ellie. She was always so judgemental of the people you dated. You knew deep down that it was her way of looking out for you, she had consistently been the one to bring you comfort during your relationship breakdowns. And there had been a few of them.
"Don't do that, that's exactly what he wants," She spoke sympathetically, her words very soft considering that, mentally she was currently fighting Dean, and winning.
What was wrong with these guys? Ellie thought, you had dated some specimens before, but this new fraternity bro, Dean? She couldn't stand him.
Seemingly fuelled by his returned distaste towards her, but she knew the real reason why.
He was a pig. Flirting with any girl that'd give him attention, Ellie had caught him at parties with drunk girls hanging off his arms, inches away from their faces, centimetres away from cheating. Only for him to charm his way out of it when you confronted him. It pained her to see you go through this, especially when there were so many options out there. Like her, for example.
To be frank, Ellie's asking for that pen three years ago hadn't been entirely innocent. Whilst, it wasn't a lie per se, as she did, in fact, not have a pen on her first day, making her feel like the worst student on the planet.
She had taken notice of you when you first walked into that physics class. Eyeliner, framing the outer corners of your eyes and tight curly hair that lay perfectly around your face caught her attention. You were so beautiful, she knew she had to talk to you.
As you two had gotten to know each other over those first few months, her little crush had evolved from simple attraction to a full-blown, 'would rip the sun out of the sky if it meant seeing you smile', feelings situation. Whilst her initial intention had been to try and flirt a little bit, over time (really didn't take that long) Ellie realised that you were something special. The bond and groove you had as platonic friends was too great to risk ruining it all. So she decided, her feelings shouldn't be the thing to damage it. Ellie being Ellie, didn't know how to deal with said feelings, so she had made a pact with herself to never act on them, never expect anything other than platonic behaviour on your part, and never, ever let you find out. So whilst you dated, so did she.
"Anyways, can we talk about, literally anything else now? Like our exam that we have in a few days, perhaps?" You hummed, kicking your shoes off and sprawling on her couch, reaching down into your bag for something you had saved for this exact moment.
"Right, 'cos studying is the reason why you're laying dead on my couch right now." Ellie chuckled, joining you and holding your legs up to settle her body on the couch as well, before placing your legs on top of her lap.
"What are you even looking for?"
"Just wait, you'll see." You responded, still rooting through the bag, god where is it?
"Well, not if you can't find it in that damn bag, how do you even find anything in those?"
"Shut up," you chuckled, feeling better already. That's something you loved about Ellie, no matter what would happen to you, a few minutes with her and you'd feel like you had taken uppers.
"Ah, finally," you breathed out, fishing out a single joint that had become embarrassingly bent in the trauma that is, being an object lost inside the bottom of a tote bag.
Ellie laughed when her eyes caught sight of the bent joint, rubbing her eyes as they started to tear from the entertainment.
"You didn't have to go through that much effort to pull out that monster, plus you know I always have enough here, we don't need to smoke yours."
"It may look unfortunate, but this is the best shit in town right now." You tried to sell, "Got it from Xav,"
"Xav? How did you manage that?"
"One of Dean's frat brothers put in a huge order with him and sold me some, thought I'd save it so we could smoke it together." 
"You truly know the way to my heart," Ellie gushed, before leaning over your legs, to grab the closest ashtray and a lighter, passing it to you, roller's rights, after all.
"This doesn't look like studying, though," Ellie spoke, eyes falling to your lips as they wrapped over the end of the joint, sparking and taking a drag. She excused her thoughts.
"I just want some peace before I have to focus on work, you know?" You said, exhaling out the smoke.
Ellie sighed, knowing Dean was truly taking a toll on you, she watched as your face fell, obviously being reminded of the previous events. She wishes there was more she could do, how many times could she say leave him, before it sounded too obvious? Too pushy? Too out of line?
"Fuck him, don't worry about that for now. You're with me, this is a Dean-free zone." Ellie cheered, taking the lit joint as you passed it to her.
You felt her fingers trail random lines and shapes on your leg as she smoked, probably not even aware she was doing it. It was comfortable and set off a wave of sleepiness to hit you.
Ellie passed you the joint back,
"You going to that party tonight?" She asked,
"I don't know, I think Dean wants to go but I was planning on sitting this one out,"
"Why don't you come? Dina and Jesse will also be there, so you don't have to spend the whole party with him,"
"Fine, only because I haven't seen Dina and Jesse for a while,"
"I can live with that," she chuckled.
Deciding you were no longer comfy in that position, you lifted your legs up off Ellie, before manoeuvring your body so that you were sat side by side. Passing the joint back to her, you rested your head on her shoulder. What you didn't notice was Ellie's visible tensing the second you laid your head on her.
It wasn't like it was unusual behaviour from you, yet she reacted like this every time. 
"What do you think of it?"
"Fuck yeah, it's good," she swallowed, head turning to glance over at you resting your head comfortably on her shoulder, "You falling asleep down there?"
"No..." you mumbled, your voice visibly getting quieter as you were getting sleepier. You were just so tired. Constant arguing with Dean, working or studying. You needed a break, plus Ellie had a habit of being super comfortable to nap on.
"You sure?"
"No..."
"It's alright, have a nap, we’ll study later."
Ellie chuckled, she continued smoking the joint to its ends, relaxed by the sound of your breathing as you fell asleep. She took the opportunity to observe you for a minute, you looked peaceful, a hell of a lot more peaceful than you were when you first entered. She wished that you could always be that content, at peace. Ellie wanted you to be happy, whether with her or not, she just didn't want you so stressed and drained by yet another unhealthy relationship.  
It was then she took time to think, how messy the situation had truly become.
After your nap, you and Ellie actually did finally study, spending a few hours going over the course material and sharing notes. With a few distractions here and there, but successful nonetheless.
You were back at home, Dean seemingly long gone back to his own place, as you got yourself dressed for this party. Texting Ellie that you were ready, you awaited her knock on your door, as your place was a bit closer to the party you decided you'd make your way there together and you'd crash back at your house later.
Once she arrived, you two made your way to the party, it was in the next block of student accommodation, so it was only a quick walk.
Before long, you had reached the party, greeted by its loudness with thumping music and loud chatter.
"It's fucking packed," you complained, already nervous. The bass of the loud music echoing in your chest, exacerbating the anxiety you felt.  
"It will be okay, let's go find Dina and Jesse,"
It took a few glances to land on them but they had been settled in a corner with two other girls. One with short black hair and the other with long, blonde hair.
Making your way towards them, Dina spotted you and Ellie and eagerly waved you guys over to their spot.
"Bitch! Where have you been?" Dina questioned, and truly it had been an unreasonable amount of time since you'd seen her, which is weird considering how often you were at her and Ellie's place.
"Don't get me started," you sighed, whilst smiling at her and wrapping your arms around her.
"Well, it's good to see you, we missed you!" Gesturing towards herself and Jesse, who took his cue to also greet you.
Dina introduced you to her friends who were also sitting with them, the one with black hair was introduced as Cat, and the blonde was called Abby.
They were nice but you weren't too sure about the dark-haired one, she seemed a bit standoffish to you, only, but welcoming and friendly to everyone else in your group, and especially to Ellie. You noted it and placed the thought at the back of your head for dissection later.
In the ten minutes you had been there, Dean had spotted you and walked over. Causing an eye roll to come from Ellie,
"Hey, you're here!" He was drunk, words slurred and eyes heavily lidded. How much had he already had to drink?
Wrapping his arms around your waist, and nuzzling his face into your neck, the scent of alcohol lingered on him and you found that you didn't want him to be that close to you.
Your eyes met Ellie's briefly before she quickly looked away and took a long sip from her cup, which had been filled up with some vodka and whiskey mixed with some chaser by Dina. She turned her head away from you and began talking to Cat, faces a lot closer than most people. 
You tore your eyes away from their interaction, turning to face Dean.
"I have to go to the bathroom," Dean shrugged, too incapacitated to care too much before making his way back to some of his frat brothers. Yuck.
You were making your way to the bathroom, hoping to find the right door, but you weren't successful the first time, the second or the third. You were starting to wonder how many goddamn rooms were in this place until you finally reached it, and it was of course labelled with a stupid little diy frat sticker that said 'bathroom' featuring other, more immature graffiti. Apt, you thought.
The light was on but the door was slightly ajar, thinking nothing of it you walked in believing it to be empty. The room was also, of course, occupied. You mentally laughed at your own bad luck as you saw Abby sneaking a cigarette out the window. Her body perched up on the windowsill as she breathed the smoke out the open gap.
"Shit- oh it's just you," she chuckled, holding her hand on her heart indicating that you had slightly frightened her, clearly from her doing something she isn't supposed to be doing.
"Sorry, thought it was empty," you said, turning your body towards the door in an effort to leave her to it,
"You don't have to leave I'm just smoking this before any of my team sees me,"
That brought a smile to reach your lips,
"Why are you sneaking cigarettes like a 16 year old?"
"Athletes aren't really meant to smoke, but shit happens. I just don't want to hear it from coach." She mumbled taking her final drag, throwing the butt out the window.
"I'll take it to my grave," You promised, making a little zip motion on your lips.
"All yours," she smiled, making her way out of the bathroom.
"I won't take long, we can head down to the group together,"
So you did, exiting the bathroom, Abby smiling at you,
"Let's go?"
"Sure,"
You had travelled down the stairs, engaging in random, friendly small talk until you had reached everyone. Abby sat back down next to Dina and Jesse, who were ranting amongst themselves, whilst Cat and Ellie had been left to their own devices. Now, you and Ellie had been friends for a while, you kinda knew what she looked like when she was flirting with girls. And this was definitely that. 
Your thoughts were interrupted by Dean respawning in your face again,
"Wanna explain that?"
That completely broke you out of your little trance, explain what?
"What?"
"Why were you in the bathroom with her?"
"She was-" you remembered your promise to her, "We were just chatting, nothing weird happened, if that's what you're thinking."
He grabbed your wrist and walked with you to a quieter corner of the room,
"Why are you lying?"
"Dean, nothing happened we were chatting because she was in there when I walked in,"
"Do you know what she is?"
"I just met her today, Dean," You didn't want to deal with this right now, Ellie had said she was going to try and help you escape Dean tonight and instead she got annoyed by his presence and began flirting with Cat.
"What is with you and hanging out with all of those d-...", he trailed off,
"Those what, Dean?" You were beyond angry at this point, you didn't like what he was implying.
"You know, all those le-"
"Hey," your altercation was interrupted, "Everything cool?" Ellie was looking between you both, eyebrows furrowed as she looked you over, gauging the situation. She knew you could fight your own battles, but when a drunk man is getting too handsy on someone it's always good practice to remain vigilant.
"We're fine." He said, his words less slurred now, a bit more pissed off. Egged on by the fact that his very point had just interrupted him.
"Oh yeah?" She pressed, making sure to look at you when she asked, having watched the interaction since he dragged you away.
"Yeah, I'm okay," you added, trying to give her a grateful look with your eyes, whether she got the message or not wasn't confirmed. Ellie wasn't one to let things go, but then she asked you if you wanted to be left alone with him and when you simply said 'Yeah I can deal with this," there was nothing more she could do without being too out of line. 
Sighing to herself, she dragged her feet back to the group, silently warring with herself over her actions, wondering if she put her nose in someone else's business or whether she didn't act enough. She had decided that was enough for the night, she'd try and focus on something else.
Whilst you were frustrated; you didn't want to explain the situation to her yet, at this point.
"Dean I don't like what you're trying to say, I don't want to be near you right now, we can talk about this at home."
"Sure, whatever." He walked off. You exhaled a sigh that had been festering in your chest for a while.
Wandering back to Dina, Jesse and Abby, noticing a considerable lack of Ellie and Cat. But at least you could clear your mind, Dina offered you another drink- which you gladly took.
You were in conversations with your friends, a good amount of minutes had passed and you finally caught sight of Ellie. You felt your heart twitch, your stomach churning at the sight.
Ellie was engaged in some heated make-out with that Cat, her hands tightly wrapped around the back of the girl's neck. The lights of the room bounced off her skin, illuminating them in deep reds and blues, as their lips moved against each other. It was hot, you couldn't lie. Perhaps the alcohol had hit you a lot more than you thought. You had seen Ellie in action, but not in action.
You felt yourself start to stare, lost in the sight of Ellie until you felt your breathing start to quicken and your legs fidgeting. You had to pull your eyes away, shaming yourself in your head for even looking that long, like a damned pervert.
Taking another sip of your drink, your thoughts trailed, you wondered what it would feel like to be in Cat's position, to feel Ellie's passionate grasp and soft lips against yours. You wondered if her kisses would feel loving and warm, not cold like you were used to.
You quickly dismissed your thoughts, blaming it on the alcohol, wondering what was spurring this on, all of a sudden.
You soon decided it was probably time to head home, the party had lived its course and you were in a worse mood than when you first got there. Mission failed, indeed.
Saying your goodbyes to Dina, Jesse and Abby you made your way through the dance floor to Ellie.
"Hey, I'm gonna head out," You interrupted a conversation occurring between Ellie and Cat.
"Oh, you sure?" She glanced between you and Cat, "Will you be okay getting home?" She asked.
"Yeah, I'm gonna find Dean and we're gonna go,"
"Oh," her face soured, "You're really still going home with that guy?"
"Well..." you stilled, you didn't exactly want to, but you knew he wouldn't give up until he got to say his piece, regardless of where you were, "We have stuff to talk about, I guess." Your voice and tone sound beaten, tired.
"I see," She glanced you over, hesitant, as if she was about to say something but then changed her mind. You could almost see thoughts flying in her eyes. 
"See you later," Cat smiled at you, though it didn't quite reach the corners of her eyes, no crease of skin. Everything seemed polite on the surface, but there were weird undertones in her voice, indifference. The vibe of that was definitely weird, right?
"Yeah,"
With that, you found Dean and left to go home.
Panting, you were panting. Heavy breaths mixed with sloppy touches in the darkness of red and blue lights.
You pulled away, glancing at Ellie, the corners of her plump lips curling into a smirk as she caressed your thighs. Fingers teasing near your entrance, you were completely ready for her touch, dripping, waiting.
"I can't wait to taste you, baby." she spoke, her words soft but with a hint of a growl that excited you, eager for what was about to come.
Then your eyes split open, and you were lay on your bed, hours had passed and you had been fast asleep. Sleep came easy, induced by the alcohol you had consumed, as you realised you had just been dreaming.
It took you a few seconds to stir and become conscious of what you had been dreaming about. Then the shame hit. What the fuck was that?
It didn't last long though, before you heard Dean's voice,
"That was hot,"
You slightly jumped at the surprise of his voice, not expecting him to have been awake and especially aware that you were having a dream of such nature, about your best friend of all people.
"You got me all hard, babe." You suddenly felt too overwhelmed, flashes of Ellie's lips and fingers cursed your mind as Dean's voice was mixed into your thoughts.
Confusion and panic hit your senses, you didn't want to look at Dean's expecting face when your mind was still reeling with the faint remnants of being under Ellie's warm and comforting touch, even in the astral plane, your body still warm and wanting. But not for him. Disgust overwhelmed your veins, poisoning the air in your lungs as you realised you couldn't think of anything worse than him touching you. It was as if that dream had been a message, a sign that this wasn't what you wanted. Or deserved. A sudden unexpected epiphany.
You quickly shot up and ran to the bathroom, no words spoken between you as you closed the door. Ensuring space between you both.
You sighed and grabbed at the roots of your hair, thinking of how utterly fucked this is.
You thought back to Ellie, would she be disgusted at your thoughts? Would she feel weird and uncomfortable if she knew you had been thinking of her that way? Her best, and very platonic, friend. She definitely isn't interested, you thought, remembering the way she had grabbed Cat closer to her and embraced her in a kiss that could only enflame your very being. Jealous. You realised, that's what that feeling was. It seemed to occur a lot regarding Ellie, that feeling.
Dean's voice blared through the door, reverberating through the walls.
"It's about that blond bitch isn't it?" Your eyebrows pulled together, fucks sake.
"Dean, please." It was stupid o'clock in the morning, the last thing you wanted was yet another argument.
"I knew those fucking lesbians would fuck with your head, you've always been a stupid woman, following whoever gives you attention."
His words hurt, and doubly pissed you off. How dare he? Those were your friends he was talking about.
You opened the door, Dean all blotchy and red in the face, fuelled by the past months of his bullshit and borderline abuse, this was the final nail. He was not about to say disgusting things and expect no repercussions. Lifting your hand, you put your entire back into connecting your palm with his cheek, made real by the smacking sound of skin, loud as a gunshot in the dark hours of the night contrasting the silence of no other surrounding sound in the dorms.
"Fuck you, Dean. I'm over this, get out." You stared him right in the eye as he rubbed the throbbing skin of his cheek to alleviate some pain. You couldn't help but feel a hint of relief that it had actually hurt him, as horrid as that sounds. You weren't a violent person, by any means, yet the continuous accusations, the newly exposed homophobia, his vile behaviour - it had to be done. You were done letting him treat you like that.
"I don't need you anyway, can find ten other girls that'd give me what I want."
"Go do that, then." You huffed, wondering why you hadn't done this earlier.
"Already have, sweetheart." He smirked, eyes glinting as he finally lifted the shroud of lies he had been filling your head with. You always knew deep down, you just chose to ignore it. Worms in the brain feasting at any rational thought and your self-respect. You didn't find it in yourself to get angrier.
"Get out of my house, Dean." You finalised, arms crossed over your chest, you just hoped he'd go willingly.
"You're not worth it, anyway." He cements, body turning to put on his shoes, chuckling as his heavy presence finally leaves your door.
You let out a breath, relief, shame and anger seeping into the deepest part of your being.
You were glad he's gone, truly. You just wish you had killed it sooner. Ellie was right, he ain't shit.
You sat on the edge of your bed, suddenly finding that the dark, empty space in your room was doing you no favours.
Pulling out your phone, you drafted a text to Ellie,
3.47 a.m:  you awake?
It was a long shot, you almost gave up on a response for tonight until you felt your phone buzz.
3.49 a.m:  ..always
3.49 a.m:  whats up?
Your lips tilted into a weak smile, before responding,
3.50 a.m:  u should be sleeping rn!
3.50 a.m:  umm so should u
3.51 a.m:  whats wrong?
Sighing, you had to bite the bullet, already started it now.
3.52 a.m:  he's an asshole, i broke up with him
A few minutes passed, and you wondered what was taking so long even though in the grand scheme of time it was only a few seconds, really. It was just anticipation, time felt dragged out awaiting her response. You didn't know that Ellie was laying on her bed feverishly typing, deleting and re-typing, overthinking how to respond. She wanted to say, 'I knew this' and how she was happy he was gone because he was a loser who didn't deserve you anyway. How she never liked him. Ellie didn't want to be insensitive, though, lest she hurt your feelings further. 
3.57 a.m: how are you feeling?
3.58 a.m:  im just glad he's gone tbh
3.58 a.m: had to be done
Ellie couldn't help the hint of a smile that fought its way onto her features, she typed her response. Picking at the dry skin around her thumb with her teeth as she sent her next message, eyebrows slightly furrowed.
3.59 a.m: he didn't deserve you anyway, you're too good for that.
You felt a warmth rush through you, stomach tightening as you read into her words. You wished that she meant it, that her feelings matched yours. Your mind thinks back to Cat, instantly murdering any hope in your heart.
You don't remember when your feelings for Ellie began to change, but looking back on it, you had felt so unsatisfied, seldom comfortable with your past lovers. Ellie was the only person who knew you, truly. Who had loved you and made you feel so safe, her comforting presence always soothing you, you felt like a person around Ellie. Whole. It had just taken some time for life to knock some sense into you to realise. It has always been Ellie. 
4.01 a.m: want me to come to you or you wanna come here?
4.01 a.m: it's so late you don't have to! i'll be ok promise
4.02 a.m: hah good one.. gimme ten mins
Ellie was not messing, not much time passed before she was knocking on the front door of your dorm. 
"Hey," Her voice was soft, gentle, her eyes shining with such a tender glint. She's always had such pretty eyes, you thought. 
"Hi,"
You moved a few steps to give her space to enter,
"How you doing?" She wrapped her arms around you, holding you tighter than you expected,
"Honestly, I'm okay," Ellie took a look at you, gauging your overall mood and believed it, you already looked lighter, less weight (*Dean) holding down your shoulders. 
"Think I mentally checked out a long time ago," you added, sitting down on your bed and lifting your laptop screen to load a show, acting somewhat as a buffer amongst the silence.
"So what happened?"
You couldn't help the audible groan that escaped your lips, "He got pissy when he saw me leaving the bathroom with Abby and accused me of cheating,"
"Abby?" Ellie had taken off her coat and shoes, joining you on your spot on the bed.
"Yeah, she was smoking in the bathroom hiding from their coach, we walked down to the group together, it was only small talk. I was so confused, he started saying things about who I was hanging out with,".
"Meaning?"
"He's a fucking homophobic prick,"
"He said hanging out with 'all those lesbians was fucking with my head', said I follow whoever gives me attention," you sighed, "then I slapped him."
Ellie couldn’t help it, she felt a swell of pride that you slapped him, stood up for yourself. He deserved so much worse, she thought.
Ellie couldn't hide the smirk that reached her lips, as much as she tried to suppress it, it still came.
"That's my girl,"
You didn't expect your stomach to twist when those words left her mouth, opening something up deep inside.
"He finally admitted to cheating, and then it was over," You sighed.
"I'm proud of you," Ellie muttered, fidgeting with her nail-beds, failing to meet your eyes.
"You don't have to say that, I know how pathetic this is,"
Resting your head on the headboard, you brought your legs into a cross,
"Hey, I mean it, it must've been a lot," She paused, her hand coming to rest on your knee, rubbing her thumb over the skin absentmindedly, like it was second nature to her. Perhaps, it was.
You looked over at her, eyes trailing down her features, freckles and the green eyes that still weren't meeting yours, suddenly shy.
"You're amazing, you deserve to know that," she paused, eyes finally meeting your own, determined.
"So are you," Your voice lowered, trailing back to the pretty brunette from earlier.
“So what’s going on with you and that girl?” You shouldn’t have said anything, but it was out before you could stop it. Clearly, your brain kept thinking about it.
“It’s..” Ellie thought about what to say, it would sound extremely horrible to say Cat was mainly a distraction, unfair as she is a lovely person, but it’s true.
“Nothing more than what you saw,”
Vague, was that best response to that, Ellie thought.
“I saw quite a bit,”
“Honestly, she’s great, we get along and all but..’ She’s not you. “I don’t think it’ll go any further.”
“She seemed to really like you, why not?”
Ellie almost wanted to laugh, it was so painfully obvious to her, how could you not see it?
“I guess.. I want something different.”
Her eyes connected with yours, the contact between your eyes felt different now, charged. You caught yourself stealing a glance at her lips, which slightly parted as she spotted where your eyes had fallen.
“Like what?”
She had no response, it was either avoid the question, or firm it. Ellie didn’t know which was the right answer.
"Ellie.." You paused, words caught in your throat, as scenarios rushed through your head like a rolodex of different possible outcomes. Heart tugging at your brain to do something, anything.
"Yeah?" Her head leaned closer to yours, your breathing slowly becoming heavier, the room's environment growing thicker, harder to inhale. Her hand still on your knee, unmoving now, frozen in place.
You could almost make contact with her lips, if you moved just a tiny inch closer. Her hand trailed slightly further up your leg, just a little above your knee, almost as if to test the waters. You wondered if she felt like you did, if she could also feel her veins light up and her body inflamed. Were her lips just as eager to touch yours? Were her hands longing to feel you just as well?
Before you realised, it was out.
"Ellie, can I kiss you?"
A beat, and no response. You felt your heart start to panic, already thinking over how to pretend that had never happened. You almost regretted it, until her hand reached for the back of your neck, reducing the distance between your faces.
Lips meeting yours, shyly at first, hesitant. Ellie’s mind was whirling, feeling her heartbeat pump aggressively throughout her body, there was no way this was reality, she thought. No way that you were here in front of her, asking to kiss her, after all this time of her yearning, feeling like a useless lesbian who would never ever make a move on you.
She could almost feel herself kicking her feet in the air, as she decided to firm it. Scared if she waited any longer, the opportunity would cease to exist, pass her by and join one of those regrets she’d think about as an elder.
Your lips met hers back, eager to push for contact, eager to push closer. Your zeal spurring hers on, as her hands clasped the back of your neck, keeping you in place. Not like you wanted to be anywhere else.
This was it. This is what you should’ve been feeling in the past.
Ellie’s soft, plump lips melted over yours, taunting with a bite and pulling your bottom lip out before entering her tongue into your mouth.
Fuck. That was hot.
You felt yourself getting hotter, damper by the minute as the kiss continues, Ellie’s hand getting more comfortable and trailing down to your thighs.
You pulled apart for a second, taking the time to catch your breath as you looked into her eyes, usually green but now much darker, enhanced by enlarged pupils as she glazed her sights over you. An unreadable expression on her face,
“Are you okay?”
“You’re so hot, and amazing and I-I really want to keep going, I just- I don’t know, I don’t want this to be like a .. rebound thing. I really care about you but I just, don’t want to feel like that, you know?” She rambled on, her thoughts getting ahead of themselves as she was pondering if it happened, then if it was too late to return to what you had been, before things got all naked and messy.
You understood, of course you did. You had literally broken up with him just maybe two hours ago. But it didn’t matter, you had to say it. Let her know and reassure her that it was only her.
“Ellie.. you could never be a rebound to me,” You stammered a little before the next part, “You’re the one I’ve wanted this whole time. It’s always been you.” You pecked her lips, grabbing her face, looking into her eyes hoping she’d see the seriousness in yours.
“I’ve wanted you for a really long time,” she broke contact, “I just didn’t wanna fuck shit up,”
“I mean it, Ellie, I’ve never felt as certain about something as I do this,”
Her stature relaxed, you continued, “I love you, Ellie. I didn’t love anyone else,”
“I love you,” she answered, the corner of her lip tilting up, eyes brighter.
“I’ll just have to show you how much, if that’s okay with you.”
Her gaze turned curious, before nodding, watching as your hands danced down her sides and ever so slightly underneath the fabric of her shirt.
“You can do whatever you want with me, honestly,” she murmured. You caught her body tensing, almost shaky as you lifted her shirt. Warm hands covering the sides of her defined stomach, you squeezed a little, just enough to rile her up.
Which it did, Ellie’s eyebrows furrowed as she anticipated your next move. Losing control of her lungs, she was about to explode.
“This okay?” Your hand met the band of her sports bra, digging scarcely into her skin beneath it.
“Yeah,” she exhaled, stuck in place, watching, her cheeks becoming flushed, “Shit,”
You hands pressed over her breasts, tightening pressure around as she let out a content sigh. You dipped your head down to wrap your lips around her nipple, licking laps over the tip and softly blowing air over them when you decided you were done, chuckling to yourself at the goosebumps that now raised on her skin,
“Don’t tease,” She murmured, composure dwindling.
“Sorry, can’t help myself,”
You kissed down her stomach to her pelvis, feeling her restlessness grow as her body refused to stay still, itching for you to do more.
You leaned back up, placing either leg over her torso and looked her over, making sure she was okay as your hand moved lower down, seemingly in a mind of its own as it crept past the waistband, meeting her skin as you held eye contact.
Ellie folded, shutting her eyes as the waiting became too much, you tapped her leg with your free hand,
“Eyes on me,”
When she held your eye contact once again, you teased a finger past her folds, almost letting out a groan at how wet she was, at how easily you could feel her arousal.
“Fuck Els,” you sighed, struggling to contain yourself as your thoughts grew more indecent, slipping a finger in further as Ellie writhed underneath you, head hanging back.
“More fingers, please,” Her voice was strained, breathy as she closed her eyes, embarrassed to be feeling this undone already.
“Yeah?” The side of your mouth curled up, goaded by the sound of her voice. She nodded impishly, covering her eyes with her wrist, as her other hand reached to grip around your hip. A tight squeeze followed on your skin.
“I can do that, baby,” Following instructions, you slipped two more fingers into her, falling into a rhythm as you felt her clench around you. She glanced over your body, legs spread over her midsection as you leaned your arm back, hips gently grinding over hers- an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure building up.
Her hand grabbed at the hem of your shirt, pulling it slightly and groaning when the tight material pushed against your breasts, she always loved how you never wore bras, stiff nipples poking through the fabric.
“Fuck, clothes off, now,” she let out in soft grunts, as she broke your wrist from her to take off your shirt, rubbing her hands over your newly exposed skin “Always fucking wanted to see you like this,” She spoke, your fingers meeting her centre again, “So fucking pretty,”
“You feel so good, Ellie,” You gasped, your hips involuntarily grinding on top of her stomach, “So fucking good ‘n wet for me,”
“Fuck-“ Ellie’s voice cut off as she bit into the back of her hand, her own hips rolling your hand in deeper, hitting her walls more than before as she let out a mewl. “Feels so fuckin’ good, angel,” she whimpered, voice strained as she continued to ride into your hand.
It was the hottest noise you’d ever heard, and you wanted to keep drawing it out of her. To keep hearing her moan for you, and your actions only.
Suddenly, you had something you prove, both to her and to yourself. Flashes of Cat in your mind as you wanted her to forget other women existed.
You unwrapped yourself off her lap, removing your fingers, kissing her stomach as you pulled her pants and underwear down, grabbing her legs and holding them open, exposing her even further.
“Damn,” you said, glancing over her wet inner thighs as they glistened, all for you.
“Shut up,” she spoke, voice tight as a side smile swept over her features, as she grabbed the back of your head, pushing you closer to her pulsing core, throbbing and dripping waiting for you to make contact.
You licked a line up her heat, moaning to yourself at the taste of her. You grew light-headed, thinking you could die happily just between Ellie’s legs, becoming addicted to her moans as you ate her out, head in a daze as she squeezed her thighs tight around your head, almost cutting off your air supply- her moans growing more frequent, as she reached closer. Your free hand moving up to wrap itself around her breast, squeezing tighter around her nipple.
Deciding to have a little more fun, you slipped two fingers into her wetness as you continued to lap your tongue around her clit, pushing up into her as you sucked. Dragging her delicious sap on your tongue as it marred all over your face, cheeks glassy with her warm sleek.
Ellie had lost control over her vocal cords at this point, moans slipping out from between her sweet lips no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. Hell, you were moaning too, despite not even being touched yet, dripping all over yourself, ass up and needy as you rolled your hips over thin air as you continued to soak yourself into Ellie.
There could be no coming back from this, you thought, not now that you had been exposed to the delicacy that is Ellie Williams. You were holding on to her and not letting go.
You felt Ellie’s moans get shorter, cutting themselves off from its full power before the next one came, her hips moving more haphazardly up to meet your tongue, she was close.
You glanced at her, her eyes closed, brows pinched up and mouth agape, a slight sheen to her skin from sweat, she’s so attractive, you thought.
With your free hand, your fingers guided themselves onto your own folds, rolling over your own clit for some release, the lack of hand on her caused Ellie’s eyes to lull over at you, the sight of your arched back, wet cheeks from her slick, spread legs as you touched yourself all whilst still fucking her into oblivion.
The damned sight of you, just as undone as Ellie, without her even touching you, was enough to cause the coil in her abdomen to twist, before she came all over your face, breath slowing into heavy pants as her body twitched. You lapped her up her residue, finally removing your face from between her legs as she looked at you. Wordless.
“Wh-what the fuck..” Ellie’s weak voice trailed, before laughing and forcing a kiss on your lips, hands wrapped around your jaw as she tasted the remnants of herself on you.
There was no way you were about to give her the best orgasm of her life and expect her to not do anything back? Funny joke. Ellie was ravenous now.
She placed you underneath her, biting around your thighs before bending her head down, her tongue having been desperate for a taste since that first day she saw you. “I wanna fuck you so bad,” Your legs tightened around her as the air from her voice hit your centre, “Been dyin’ for a taste,” You looked at her, tip of your eyebrows raised up as you took in her words, how long had she wanted you back? Her words caused you to shudder, whimpering as she continued.
“Fuck,” You said, voice breaking as her tongue rippled over your pussy as your hips shook, slurping up the honey that had been left neglected. Long, slender fingers meeting your centre that had felt so, so desperate and needy for her to touch.
“G’na show what you’ve been missing,” She hummed, as her fingers picked up pace working harmoniously with her tongue as she fucked into you. Warm muscle rolling over your pulsing clit. Fingers rubbing over your velvet walls which sucked her further in, skin dragging out with her soaked fingers when they recoiled out, the image obscene. “What was waiting for you this whole time,”
“Els- shit, wanna feel you,”
“What you want, baby?” She gasped out, in between breaths as fingers toyed with your clit.
“Wanna feel you, y-your fucking pussy on mine-fuck,” you cut yourself off, embarrassed. The desire was simply too strong, you were dizzy just from the thought of it. Ellie seemed to share your enthusiasm, her heart skipping a beat, the thought kindling her veins with heat.
This was truly a gift from the heavens, she thought.
“Shit- yeah, okay.” Ellie exhaled out, as she got you into position, grabbing one of your smaller pillows to cushion underneath you as she placed her legs over yours, getting into place as she rubbed her clit over yours, hips lolling over your pelvis.
The sounds were debaucherous as they filled the room, hot and wet, as if the spirit of Dionysus, himself had possessed you. Invoking you with bacchanal, carnal desire as you could think of nothing else than the sublime vice that is Ellie Williams.
“Fuck, Els, I’m gonna come,”
Ellie groaned, rocking her hips over yours, her defined abs on show, breasts working with Earth’s gravity as they sprung up and down to match her movements, hair falling out of her half-bun, causing some strands to stick to her face, completely dishevelled. You looked at her, eyes attached to yours, lust ruling over them, then looked back down to where you were both intertwined. You trapped your bottom lip with your teeth at the sight before you.
Her sap mingling with yours, leaking out from her cunt as it folds over your own, Wrapping you with her warmth, pulsating around yours. Ellie’s body still trembling from before.
“Then come for me, baby,”
You were gone. With her words, you felt yourself spilling out against her, not being able to hold back the climax of your arousal spurting out from you, splashes reaching Ellie’s legs.
“Fuck, Ellie!” Your voice drawled out, as the wave ran through you,
“That’s it, angel, come all over me,” She smirked down at you, breath heavy as she watched your eyes glaze over, lips parted and chest heavy as you finally came down. A ardent glaze over her eyes.
“I didn’t know you could do that,” She gaped, eyes transfixed on your figure as her reeling mind came down from the high.
“Shit, neither did I,” you laughed, covering your mouth, suddenly shy. With your head still in the clouds, you weren’t feeling as overly self-aware.
“That was fucking hot, and I’m not done.”
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southislandwren · 1 year
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okay SOMEHOW this little baby got put in charge of bringing the van over to the department building so now i have a little baggy of car insurance information and the knowledge that if i miss my 5:30am alarm tomorrow i am royally fucking up everything.
#uwu we are going on our little trip tomorrow. i have a starbucks double shot espresso canned coffee to shotgun tomorrow morning#and i have two starbucks bottled mocha lattes for the ride there and back#and the triers are clean and in the fanny packs and the car snacks are in the fridge ready to be packed in the cooler#the only thing i havent done is print out resumes for the career fair but idk i dont really want a job from any of those people.#i only want [redacted] and [redacted] only wants me#everyone has their contest accounts set up except for my best friend who is a little slow but i love her.#but WHY did she wait until the DAY BEFORE WE LEAVE to tell anyone she couldnt get into her account!!!!!!!#anyway. the other assistant coach is taking the first leg and im on city driving duty#which is gonna be SCARY in a 12 passenger van but if i can drive chicago while half asleep and very very depressed#i can handle madison in a 12 passenger van#okay but anyway. im taking my friend to campus. getting the van. picking up my other friend. driving to the department building.#then everyone else is gathering (2 people are coming together and the grad students havent communicated how theyre arriving)#and then the other assistant coach is taking over driving and i get to NAP :D#although maybe by that time the doubleshot espresso canned starbies beverage will have hit my system#oh and i'll have alphonse too so i gotta get him set up in the morning. can only do so much tonight#im mostly packed. just gotta throw my toothbrush and contact stuff etc in my backpack and gather my drinks and get al set up#and thats gonna happen at 5:30 am. whoopee.#for reference today I woke up at 8:55 fucking BARELY. i am not an early riser :(#diary post#okay i should probably start winding down for bed now. goodnight tumblrinas i love you
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