#so im taking my sleeping pills again and its making mornings a little harder and im dazed throughout the day but its for the better

[ef-1]

the girls that get it, get it

[stewpid-soup]

VENT CW!! (I think it’s just gonna be chronic pain talks at 2 am again- woops-)

I AM SO UPSET- MY INSURANCE DENIED PAYING FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO GO TO THIS PHYSICAL THERAPY INPATIENT WHICH, WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I’LL FEEL BETTER-! BUT ITS JUST SO FRUSTRATING BC NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN WORKING AND MY PRIMARY DOCTOR SAID SHE HAD A PATIENT WITH SIMILAR ISSUES WHO DID AN INPATIENT AND IT HELPED A LOT. LIKE BRUH, THIS COULD BE THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING BETTER BUT NOOOO, INSURANCE IS A BITCH

and ik, there are benefits to insurance and everything and blah blah blah- but i just wanna complain lolll

but my mom is trying to appeal to the insurance or sumn and get it so they pay. which means we need my pain doctors to say “hey we think this could help” and also i have to like- qualify for it or something? so tmrow my appointment is for a kind’ve check in to see if the PT inpatient might work :/

anyways, none of my previous pills have worked so i’m gonna start doing (MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED) CBD. I did it for the first time today and yk, the first doses we do will be with as little head change as possible- ngl all it did for me was maybe calm me down a bit and just made my body feel tingly on top of the pain?? idk how to describe it- I didn’t expect it to work immediately, obviously, but like always i just really wanted there to be at least some little minuscule difference. honestly it doesn’t matter what kind of difference, because then at least we know what does and doesn’t work

im just tired man. and sure it could be because im fucking up my sleep schedule but i don’t sleep good even when i had been sleeping at 10 pm and waling up at 9 am every morning (after waking up at 7 to take meds). but still, i feel tired when i’m doing nothing! and i feel so useless because of that.

Like, mothers day is coming up sunday. and i live my parents, i have good relationships with both of them individually and together, so ofc i make a card every year for them. I love doing it, because their reactions are worth it. But with my pain, it makes it a million times harder to do things like that because not only will i be lacking motivation and energy but also my arms are gonna just be in a shit ton more pain after doing that (and i’ve done this several times before, so this isn’t just based off of the fact that im in even more pain whenever i move- my body has definitely proven this)

shanamxmcn honestly idk what makes sense anymore rn. im exhausted and i have to wake up at 8 tmrow for the doctors appointment and im not excited to deal with the gd parking at children’s hospital -_-

wish me luckkk lol

love u guys and take care <3

[kolsmikaelson]

injuries- anders lee

a/n- not proofread, gif not mine!

warnings- a little bit of insinuating sexual things but no actual smut ,other than that nothing i dont think!

add yourself to my taglist

word count-1.2k+

you were sitting at your shared home with anders watching the game when you saw the hit. you thought he’d get back up, but he didn't, he stayed down. when they showed his face, you could tell it wasnt good. you tried not to worry about your husband, but with no messages from him, and no responses to your calls or texts it was much harder. you decided to just continue watching the game while trying not to focus on anders being hurt. though it did not help that the announcers continued to bring up the hit.

with a islanders win, 5-3, you were happy. you may have been happy about the win, but you didn’t forget that anders had gotten hurt. for the rest of the game, he didn’t come out of the dressing room and you got no messages from him. with the game being over, you had nothing to distract yourself from the worry. so you decided to put on your favorite show,f/s, to try and keep your mind off of it.

————

about an hour and a half later, anders enters the house to see you half asleep on the couch. when he sees you laying there, he knew that you tried to stay up and wait on him, which was correct, you did, you just couldn’t make it.

anders makes his way towards you quietly. he lies down next to you on the couch, you cuddle into him subconsciously, he smiles down at you and presses a kiss to your head. although he tried not to wake you, your eyes flutter open. when you realize anders is home you immediately start spewing out questions.

‘woah woah woah, calm down darling.’ he laughs out. you stare at him in confusion. ‘how is he laughing right now,’ you think. ‘but you got hurt? are you okay? is your leg okay? how long are you gonna be out?’ he laughs at your worrying, ‘i’m okay baby, my leg is gonna be fine, i’m not sure how long im gonna be out yet.’ he mumbles the last part.

you can tell he’s upset, who wouldn’t be? he stays silent for a moment before speaking again, ‘the doctor gave me some meds i have to take every few hours, says how long on the bottle,’ he points to the table that he sat them on before lying down. ‘okay love, i’ll make sure you get them when you need them yeah?’ he nods, and pushes his face into your neck. you let him rest for a while, as you set an alarm to remind yourself to get anders his medicine.

————

four hours later an alarm wakes you up, but anders sleeps right through it. you hate having to wake him because he’s sleeping so well but you know if you don’t , both you and anders would regret him not taking his pain meds in the morning.

‘hey baby,’ you whisper while nudging him a bit. ‘you gotta wake up for a few, need you to take your pills okay?’ he opens his eyes and takes a moment before nodding. you grab his water and hand him that and his medicine. he takes them from you and takes it, then he sets the water down. afterwards he pulls you back into his side. you press a few sweet kisses to his chest and start moving down his torso some. you know that since he’s hurt nothing isn’t gonna happen, but theres no harm in having a little fun.

you press kisses back up his chest until you reach his face. he flips you over, the best he can without hurting you or himself more, and pushed your shirt up so he could return the favor. he kissed up and down your chest for multiple minutes, leaving hickey after hickey knowing that only he would be able to see them. after all, you did the same to him. it made you both feel better, knowing that the other person was theirs. you spend the rest of the night wrapped up in your husband’s attention, and the same for him.

the next morning, you wake up with a bit of a limp, and you just knew anders was gonna say something if he were to see it. so you decide to go make him some breakfast and grab his medicine. when you walk back into the room, you set the food down and sit on the bed next to anders and wake him up gently.

when his eyes flutter open, he smiles at the sight of you in nothing but one of his shirts. he sits up and takes the medicine, then pulls you impossibly close to him. he absolutely loves the feeling of skin to skin contact when its with you. you both do.

you look up at anders and ask, ‘do i need to grab an ice pack for your leg?’ he shakes his head, ‘i think i’m okay for now, thank you baby.’

————

you spend the next weeks taking care of anders, helping in anyway possible. soon enough, anders was feeling better than ever, and he was cleared to go back to practice.his chances of playing the next game, well they were a bit iffy still.

for another week you spent all your time with anders until he was cleared to go back to play the next game. when he came home from practice, you could tell he he had good news. he walked into the house with a huge grin on his face, ‘hey babe, where are you?’ he yells into the house. ‘in the kitchen lovely’ you answer back. he walks into the kitchen and sees you cooking something on the stove. he comes up to you and wraps his arms around your waist, he presses a few kisses to your neck. ‘hi pretty, i have some news,’ he smiles. ‘oh yeah? whats up babe?’ you ask. ‘they cleared me for the next game, i can play again !’ he exclaims excitedly. you spin around happily and jump into his arms. ‘oh my god that’s amazing babe’ you exclaim.

————

you’re sitting in the crowd at anders’ first game back from his injury. to say you were excited was an understatement, you could not wait to see your husband back on the ice, especially in person. early into the first period, anders scores his first goal of the game. with only minutes left in the game, anders scores his third goal of the game, he got a hat trick. you decided to shoot him a quick text, knowing that he won't see it for a while, but you sent a quick ‘that last goal was pretty sexy babe’ you see him point your way with the biggest smile on his face you’ve ever seen. you smile even wider at him and mouth ‘good job’ in hopes that he could understand what you said.

a few hours later you were settled in bed with anders cuddled into his naked chest. he rubs circles on your back under your shirt while you sit watching reruns of your favorite show,f/s. ‘anders, you did so well tonight im so proud of you, i know how hard these past few weeks have been but you came back better than ever.’ this puts a smile on his face, ‘baby..thank you so much, i don’t know if i could have gotten through it without you.’ the rest of the night is full of you and anders sharing kisses under the sheets of your bed.

taglist- @2manytabsopen @joshsandersons @jamiedrysdales @butterflybarzy

[talas-starlight]

okay!! are you okay with doing a readder x sokka hc/blurb (any is fine, it's up to you!!) about... maybe... where the reader is sick? and sokka/the gaang takes care of them? it can be in a modern setting, or it can take place in the war, or after or whatever~ anything you want!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! <3

a/n: hiya sweets!! wowie im so sorry this took so long for me to get to!! I'm legit the worst fic writer ever omfg nfehfriskjd anywho! i tried to make up for it by making this blurb a little longer but i hope you like it!!! please feel free to give feedback or any thoughts ndueiseifh - ALSO OMFG IM SUCH A DUMBASS i fully accidentally left out the gaang omg I'm actually the worst ndowbhrednj but!!! its okay ill write you a little something else including them if you'd like??? IM SO SORRY CRAP ILL WRITE SOMETHING ELSE TOO DNOEWRBFHWID 

WARNINGS: pills!, sickness, illness, headache, crying, breakdown

“I- I can’t do it.”

Sighing as he took in your shaking form, Sokka took your hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Yes you can, angel, I know you can.”

Although instead of calming down at his warm, hushed words of encouragement, you shook your head violently as sobs wracking your body harder than before. “It- it’s too hard.”

Why can’t I do this?! What is wrong with me? Stupid. Stupid. Incompetent. Idiot. I should’ve never tried in the first place!

Legs caving in, you sink to the cold tiles of the bathroom fully prepared to cry until all the pain went away.

Trying his best to stay as calm as possible, Sokka squatted down, so he was eye level to you. It was heartbreaking watching you completely fall apart right before him, because up until this very moment, he never knew that you couldn’t swallow pills.

Earlier in the week you came home sick, nose running, dry cough, and a fever. All of it. Being the sweetheart he was, he managed to look after you just fine. All he had to do for the most part was make soup, provide throat lollies, and have Netflix set up in the bedroom. It even started to fade away.  

Until you woke up at 2 am with what seems to be the worst headache in the entirety of the universe.

Reaching out you buried yourself into his chest, the aroma of his shirt helping you anchor yourself. Yet that alone was still unable to stop you from crying due to your failed attempt to swallow a pill. “Bubbbb it hurts.”

“I- I know. It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Stroking his hands through your hair, he placed a kiss to your head before beginning to sing softly; knowing it calmed you down in most situations.

“Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,

never let it fade away.

Catch a falling star an' put it in your pocket,

Save it for a rainy day.

For love may come an' tap you on the shoulder,

Some star-less night.

Just in case you feel you wanna' hold her,

You'll have a pocketful of starlight.”

Soon enough, your sobs melted away into the quiet of the night, leaving you steadily breathing against him. Yet he knew that the quiet wouldn’t last forever and you’d wake up again with the headache.

Gently picking you up, Sokka carried you back to your shared bedroom placing you on the mountain of pillows you piled up on the bed earlier to bring you comfort. He couldn’t help but break out a smug grin as in your subconscious state you gravitated towards his pillow, snuggling into it.

Shaking his head, he switched back to focus on the matter at hand. Taking the pill you desperately tried to swallow earlier, he went out to the kitchen, cutting it up and breaking it down to as small as he could. Eventually satisfied with it turning out into an almost powder-like form, he went back to you with a glass of water in hand.

“Hey angel, wake up please.”

“Eerngh, sleep.”

“I know, but I have something for your headache. Then you can sleep as much as you like.”

Sitting up, only half awake, you immediately lean yourself on him, incapable of supporting yourself.

Handing you the glass of water, he took his other hand, caressing your jaw and softly lifting it off his shoulder. “Angel, here, I broke down the pill so its easier for you to swallow. Do you think you can do it like this?”

Suddenly feeling a lot more awake than earlier your eyes widened a little, shocked he took the time to help you at a ridiculous hour in the morning. I swear to Tui and La I’m going to marry this man.

Humming and nodding, you let out a small nervous gulp before taking what was crushed up in a tiny bowl, swallowing it down with water easily.

Sokka smiled, happy it all worked. “I’m so proud of you Angel. You did it!” Engulfing you in a tight hug he took you down to the mattress, prepping your face in kisses. “You’re amazing.”

“Nuh uh, you are bubs. I couldn’t do it unless you helped me. And stop kissing me! I could still get you sick, you know.”

“Not a chance.” Placing one last kiss to you lips, he giggled at your shocked expression as he defied your wishes.

Getting comfortable under the covers, you both held each other close completely relieved that the earlier breakdown was far away from your minds.

Taking one last look at your already sleeping form, he kissed your hair as your face was deep into his chest.

“I’ve got you Angel.”

a/n: thank you so much for reading!!! 

and to my sweets I'm literally so so sorry i forgot to include the gaang!!! i feel so so bad omg i promise ill try again nnfhedns if you hate/ don't like it i COMPLETELY understand but i kinda still like it so i didn't have the heart to disregard it completely so ill try again! I'm so sorry pls forgive me nfehbdnsk 

tags: @kaylove12 @simpinforsukka @lozzybowe

my masterlist:  here!

[thesmollestsnek]

a tale of insomnia

Flailing, I try in vain to find a comfortable position. Everything is hot, hot, too hot and I can't hold still for more than a moment. And invisible monster looms over me, refuses to grant my restless mind and body even a moment of rest. I cannot escape from its merciless gaze, left to drown in my sheets and my tears of pure frustration. Long ago I gave up on a good night's rest. More recently, I gave up on an okay amount of rest. And now? Now I have given up on any rest. I can only pray that I don't collapse onstage when lady sleep comes to collect my dues. Only hope that at least I make it through my two dances before shutting down. I know it's not healthy, but I find myself unable to rest out of anything but sheer exhaustion, running on fumes and stubbornness and denial as I tell myself that just five more minutes, then I can rest. Thousands of minutes later, I finally reach my bed, only to find that blessed reward has withered and died before my very eyes, just beneath my notice. And there I stay. Awake.

It seems ironic, an insomniac who sleeps every time except for night. It's not for lack of trying. Every night I toss and turn and pray that this time I'll fall unconscious early enough to make it through the day. I never do. I never can. These days, it feels like I never will. Something is broken, in my brain. A lot of things are broken. All of them keep me up at night. None of them have cures. An invisible monster lurks over me. Silent. Watching. It does nothing, says nothing. It doesn’t need to. Its mere existence prevents my body from obeying my mind’s desperate pleas. My face is damp, as my mind asserts its dominance over the piece of my body it can control. The coolness feels nice against my skin, at first. My face is wet. My pillow is wet. My hands are sticky with half-dried tears or maybe eyelash glue. Maybe both. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe im just hyperfocusing on the little things in an attempt to forget about the big ones. Maybe this is only making it harder to sleep, but maybe I don’t care. Maybe I’ve given up. Maybe I’ll never sleep again. Maybe... maybe. Maybe I’m a lost cause. Sure feels like it, on nights like these. My self esteem is the only part of me not awake. Somehow, the thought that some part of me is asleep doesn’t make me feel any better. It is the problem, not the solution. If there even is one.

My eyes hurt. My chest hurts. Everything hurts. I don’t wanna be awake anymore. I don’t have a choice.

I start to debate taking a second insomnia pill. I know this is a terrible idea, I’m onstage in four hours and it’s been known to lower blood pressure. Part of me doesn’t care. A lot of me doesn’t care. I know it’s bad that I’d rather be in the hospital than in this goddamn bed for even a second more, but still. The thought persists. On a scale of one to ten, how bad of an idea is it...? I already know the answer. I pretend not to. Perhaps if is squeeze my eyes tight and hope with all my heart, it will change. I open my eyes. Everything is the same. Perhaps in another world, I have already taken the second pill. Perhaps in that world I am sleeping soundly. Perhaps I collapse onstage in that world. Perhaps not. I’ll never know. And perhaps that’s for the best, but I still can’t help but wonder... what if? What if I truly didn’t care? What if I toon that pill? I won’t, but the option is there. The urge is there. Three feet away, are a bag of pills. What if I took the wrong one? What if I took the right one? It doesn’t matter, I don’t take either. But neither do I stop myself from wondering.

It is morning. My chest aches in sharp contrast to the numbness of my body. I struggle to do, think, feel anything through a haze of fog that covers my mind. My eyes were bloodshot when I opened them to put in contacts. They will only get worse as the day progresses, but I can’t find it in me to care. I had bags the color of bruises before concealer. The makeup does nothing to hide the shapes of the bags beneath my eyes. And yet, the show must go on. I force myself to eat, knowing that I’ll need all the strength I can get to make it through today. Somehow, I end up in a car. Somehow, I end up in the dressing room. I eat candies like my life depends on it, and maybe it does. Sure feels like it does. The sugar gives me strength to keep my eyes open, but does nothing for the pain of doing so. I don’t care. Everything is dragging so slow, but the next thing I know, I’m backstage. Onstage. And then, somehow, I’m back off again. I’d be concerned about the gap in between, but honestly? This is nothing new. Even on the rare occasion that I do sleep the night before a performance, I always black out onstage. Occasionally, I’ll come back to myself while I’m still performing, startled by the suden passage of time I did not perceive. It never goes well, when that happens. This time, it does not.

There is not time for me to think, between dances, let alone fall asleep. My world is a blur of tight costumes and falling straps and replacing makeup and fixing hair. At any given point there are at least three people hovering around me, it feels like. My mother, my cousin, my teachers, my classmates. Some of the others are changing too, but mine is the fastest. Mine will be over the soonest. Within minutes, I am a completely different person. I eat more candy for fortitude, and run backstage. And finally. Have time. To think. Thinking is bad. Thinking makes it hard to breathe and makes me fear for the safety of my makeup. Thinking leaves no room for tiredness, not now and probably not ever. I have so much adrenaline coursing through me there is no way I could ever fall asleep. I cannot feel my limbs, and do not know if it is the exhaustion or fear or both. I don’t really care, either. I will make it work onstage. I always do. Others join me, and we stay together, us three, talking quietly and trying to keep our hearts in our chests as we wait to hear our names announced over microphone. I go first, and am doing well, until I’m not. The only thing I know, at the end, was that I made almost the entire dance up on the spot. I wait for the others, and finally, we leave.

They say I did well. They say they couldn’t even tell that I was improvising. Julie asked what happened to her choreography, and I joke back that I decided I could do better. My grandmother tried to console me, but I do not need consoling. I messed up, but I kept going and I’m high off adrenaline and I have wings and am flying that’s all that matters right now. And then, we’re back in the dressing room. And then, I fall back to earth. I land in a patch of sun on the table, sat on the tiny plastic seat with my had in my arms, finally getting the sleep I so desperately need. Hours later, I wake up, still exhausted, but there. And then we are in a car, and the day is over, and all I want to do is sleep. One can only hope.

[painandpleasure86]

Sequel of Lazing of a Sunday Afternoon: News of our World

Hiii people!! Sorry if where u live its 20 already. I have a problems to publish before. But, i hope that you enjoy my story anyways!Prequel it's here:

https://painandpleasure86.tumblr.com/post/185954894848/im-continuing-the-story-that-kate-aka

Words: +2.1K

Warning: My inexperience and my broken English lol. Oh and its fluff af.

Pairing: John x Fem!Reader

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Part 1

It's been a few weeks since you told him. It's still too early to tell about this to the rest, even if it's your parents.

In order not to get excited, they have agreed that the best thing to do is to have a blood test, in case there is really a pregnancy.

Your gynecologist must give you the order for this. So, you have an appointment on August 15.

It’s a beautiful morning, the sun shines. Spring feels closer and closer. This morning you have your children at home, Miguel is recovering from a flu-like illness and Rodrigo simply didn't want to go to the school. They don't usually let him decide that kind of thing, but that day they let him. He's six years old now. When you go to the kitchen, already dressed, you can't help but think "how big Rodri is. It seems like yesterday when he came in my arms and it was a little bean, hehe".

You arrive at the kitchen, your children having their chocolate with oatmeal cookies, your husband with his scrambled eggs, toast and a tea with milk. You go to the fridge and take out the jug of water. You serve yourself a glass full of water. Your babies see you and say "why don't you have breakfast with us mommy?" "Mommy has to have some medical check-ups and can't eat anything." He looks at you with a smile. You answer his smile with a bigger one. You go to him and hold him tight. "I love you, huh?", "Me too" he answers in your ear. They give each other a little kiss. Your older baby says "what's going on? Is there going to be a little sibling?"

You look at him surprised, because you don't know why Rodrigo says that... but your husband, seeing your puzzled face, says "I told him yesterday a little about you know what. And I think that whenever he sees us kissing, he's going to say that. Get ready," he says with smiles. That smile...

"Well, I gotta go. They will stay with Daddy. I promise I'll be back soon," you tell them. You get your handbag and your keys. You go to the door. The three of them go to you and hug you. He gives you many little kisses on the cheek. Your little ones hold your legs tightly. "Well guys, I'm not leaving forever," you say with a smile. "Well..." and they let you go unwillingly. Of course it hurts to leave Rodrigo and Miguel, but they're not alone. You close the door and behind you you hear. He says “Well... Men’s time.  How about... a lot of music to dance to?" "YAAAAAAAAAAY" your kiddos say. Then you hear him play his favorite song, but you can't hear his words anymore, because you're in your car...

Before you start the car, you check the time.  You're on time. Turn on the car, also the bluetooth of your car to go listening to music.  You select the entire library of your cell phone and press shuffle.  Dancing Queen sounds.  Your smile is immense.  With that joy, and the memory lived of your husband dancing on stage, backtrack and start your journey.

There is normal traffic, no traffic jams.  It's 9 o'clock in the morning, so everything is quieter.

Fifteen minutes of driving, you arrive at the office.  You park the car, you take the cell phone that was playing a song, you get off.  You go to the corresponding waiting room, waiting to be called by your doctor...

Almost ten minutes after the agreed time on the shift, he calls you.  You walk into the office.

After filling out the paperwork, he says, "Madam, the results of your annual check-up gave normal values, what happened?"  You say "I think that i’m pregnant".  He looks at you and says "I always told you to use the condom from the beginning" in a tone that simulates anger.  He writes your order.  You laugh at the discomfort and says "the thing is that I forgot... one thing led to another". He, extending the order to you, continues simulating his anger and says "later please, don't say the baby came by accident, eh!" and smiles. When you have the results, mark an appointment with me; if it's positive I'll refer you to the obstetrician".  You nod and say, "Thank you doctor, see you later.”

You're very anxious to know that you're ready for testing.

As soon as you leave the office, you go to the laboratory, which is half a block from there  You go into the center, withdraw a shift number.  You wait a few minutes.  They call you.

"Good morning", says her. You respond "Good morning" and you give her the order.

It's 10:15 in the morning. The laboratory is open until and 30. "Well, ma'am, it's still lab hours. If you have the 8-hour fast, you can wait and do it right now." Nod. After the paperwork of the health insurance, the receptionist gives you your turn and you wait for a call. Not even five minutes after you've sat down that the receptionist calls you. You enter the cubicle, you sit down. The professional would be on the side of your right arm. He asks you routine questions before a pregnancy sample (last intercourse, if you take pills, last menstrual period). Then he asks you to put your arm in the right place so he can do the extraction. Tie a rubber band over your elbow cavity. He asks you to clench your fist and squeeze hard. You do it. You look away, you're impressed to see a needle. You feel it inside you, annoying but tolerable. Moments later he says "Ready, you can open your hand..." and you turn your head in his direction again. He says "the results will be available from this afternoon, come with this order". Assentis, greet him and return home, having that cotton of your arm very strong.

You starve. So, it’s time to go home. You send a message to your husband "I'm going home! I love to everyone.😘❤️". You go to your car, get in, and put the music back in random. Don't let me down sounds, a song you once dedicated to your husband (but it's another story). You smile because of the nostalgia it gives you. And with that vibe, you start driving home.

You arrive. Your men hold you tight. "We miss you sweetie," he said, kissing you. Miguel looked with a disgusted face. And Rodrigo began to ask, "Is Mommy okay? You smile and say "yeah my love, I'm fine..."

It's nap time and you make your kids sleep, though reluctantly. It's a chance to talk to him about what happened without being suspected.

They are both sitting on one side of the bed. He looks at you, hugs you with his right arm and says "how are you?" You say to him, with his head a little low and without looking at him "I've already done the tests, I sincerely can't wait to go and get them... this is consuming me, hehehe", you say with a certain amount of anxiety. He lifts your face with the other hand so that you can see your eyes. He tells you, even having his hand on your chin, "don't get nervous. You're going to hurt the baby”. He laughs a little and continues "that home analysis for me didn't fail in this case... so, just pretend that there's a little living being among us".

You smile, with tears in your eyes "well, all right, I'll calm down... it's just that this has happened so many times, but I still can't help but get nervous. He caresses your cheek, smiling in the sweetest way. "That's my girl," he says and kisses you on the forehead. Then he hugs you, while you lay your head on his shoulder. You hug him too, very tight. “I love you, huh? You know that my feelings are truth...". He kisses your head, saying "I know it honey, I know it..." without enduring tears falling down his cheeks. Tears of happiness, not pain. Tears of feeling at home with you another day.

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Part 2

The fate wanted that until the next day you couldn’t go to withdraw the result before. You went last minute on Friday.

You arrive hurriedly to the laboratory to remove it, the receptionist sees you with a strange face. "I've come to pick up some results. She still looks at you in surprise and says "in the name of...". You tell her your name and she looks for you in a pile of results. He finds it. She puts it in an envelope and extends it to you. "Thank you" you say a little nervous and smiling. "You're welcome, have a good night. You almost ran to the door.

When you leave the lab, you’re so eager; so you take out the paper with the result. Positive. And you have a two months pregnancy. Your husband was right.

You get home. All three receive you. "Mommy's okay?" asks Rodrigo. "Yes, my love... very well," you say, looking at your husband and smiling. Then he hugs you much harder than usual. He says in your ear "I told you so, baby...". They both endure the crying. Miguel then says "they seem very happy. I like see a happy mommy and daddy" and he hugs you even stronger. But Rodrigo suspects that there is something strange...

August 19th. The big day.

He's still sleeping in bed, very deeply. You and your children approached him very slowly. You sat on the edge of the bed, trying to be stealthy. But your children jumped energetically towards him, shouting "Happy birthday daddyyyyyyy!" You can't help but smile. He wakes up surprised, he doesn't understand the situation for a few moments. Then, hug your babies "thank you little children", as he smiles and a few tears slip out of his eyes. He looks at you and you say "Happy birthday my love" with a big smile.

After a warm family time, he says "well, I have to get up". Your babies get a little sad out of bed.

It was time to make preparations. Many of your husband's friends will come to celebrate his birthday, so you ask the three of them for help to speed up the work.

After two hours leaving everything in order, they were ready to receive the guests. Catering came on time, you didn't want your husband to cooking on his birthday. There were options for all tastes, including vegetarian snacks for that friend of your husband's with whom he always discuss.

The music began to play from that very loud moment.  Both your husband and your kids started to dance with Super Freak.

The guests start to came. Your house its full of joy, music and the smell of food.

Rodrigo and his little friends were playing hide-and-seek. He can't think of a better place to hide in your study, where your analysis results were over the desk. See that strange paper for him and he runs towards you.  He forgets the game. This was more important.

"Mommy! Mommy!  Mommy! What does it say on this paper? Come on, tell me!

After five minutes of insisting, you take him aside with your husband and say "you're going to have a little brother or sister soon." You didn't finish telling him, that Rodrigo begins to shout very loudly "my mommy is going to have a baby!"

Silence. Your guests saying "is it true?"

"Mommy, Daddy. Tell them," insists the boy.

You didn't want to tell them before because you've already lost a pregnancy, before Rodrigo. And that made you very bad. They preferred to wait until the fourth month was up.

But apparently things happened in a way that had to cut the tradition.

Your husbands look at you with an immense smile, hug you with one arm and with the other he goes to your belly. With that hand he touches the belly and says to everyone "Rodri is right. We didn't want to tell you yet... but good. This is the best birthday present I can have." Look at the guests. "As much the presence of all of you as that of my children, my wife and this little one who comes to change our routine," he says, looking towards your belly and caressing it gently.

After the hubbub and everyone's congratulations, the birthday then passes with great normality, with lots of loud music, screams of children playing and adults smiling. Obviously, it was not perfect... James, Rodrigo's little friend, threw soda on the floor. And Felix stained the carpet with cake. Things happen.

It gets dark and the guests start to leave.

After making your children bathe and sleep with your husband, you take showers. The shower has relaxed you a lot. Honestly you just want to sleep.

But when you get to the room, there is the light on the bedside table. He was sitting with a soft pillow on his back, against which he was leaning. He was reading a book. When he hears the door, he looks up and puts a bookmark in the book.

"Oh I was waiting for you... my beautiful girl", as I closed the book and left it on the bedside table. All without stopping looking at you.

"Yes, of course, you say that because I don't have a belly yet," you say smiling.

"You're always going to be for me," he says, with a warm smile.

You lie down. He then turns off the light and accommodates your side. "Come" he says to you softly. You lie your head on his chest, while he hugs you. He looks up at the ceiling and says "the best birthday I've ever had, thank you for taking care of everything... although Rodrigo ruined our surprise about the pregnancy," he smiles. "You close your eyes and say "maybe that's how my love had to pass. And of nothing, you know that I do it for you", you say hugging him strongly. He kisses you on the head and caresses your hair. You fall asleep. And he, too, after a few minutes.That night would be one of the last to sleep well in a long time. And internally both knew it. But, it doesn't matter... Christine is worth it.

Tags: @warriorteam1924 (bc you asked for this) @theworksgaga (bc you read the prequel recently and u loved it) @sweetgcreature (with this one I'm being risky lol)

PLEASE reblog if you like it!

[abtoddler]

Yay its finally bedtime. I put the vics on, and really love this NorthShore supreme over my normal night time diaper.

Im nervous cause in the morning i meet a new doctor. I dont like to think about all my fears ahead of me, i try and really embody my perspective of temperance and balance. However moments like this scare the daylights out of me. So im writing out what im going to copy and paste for my new doctor in the morning.

I have problems articulating everything clearly:

The reasons im super scared are because ive got nothing to think i will recover in anyway. The coldness, the discomfort; the burning sensations down from my knees, i cant move several of my toes, or feel much as far as pain anymore once the numbness comes on nearly as soon as i sit or lay on something.

The pain never stops, the golfball in my spine, the burning feet. And then all the horrible side effects of my ibs, digestive problems, and the pain of voiding stool. Which then causes me to throw up 1-4 times a day. Theres a point when i am feeling all the sensations of vomit, but nothing to very little comes out. The pain is what causes it when my entire body tries to expell the stool. It doesnt matter what consistency either. When the stool arrived and i did nothing to bring it on; it burns like its mucus and acid. When its hard, it hurts in different ways, and its generally this which i am trying to increase digestive health, but there are so many foods i cannot eat:

Pork- causes vomiting and diarrhea

Soda- swelling of my stomach

Certain fruits- cause immediate burning sensations as soon as they get eaten: anything with citric acid: lemon, orange, kumkuats

The lemonades, juice blends. Etc.

Some types of bread

Cereal: i had been eating oat based cereal like lucky charms, and got really sick my stomach got so much worse; this was three weeks ago, so ive been trying to recover colon health.

I need to know full food allergies so i can stop going through all of this. Trying to not get sick or be in pain every time i eat.

I have also stopped trying to manually control the void with an enema, or stimulating plug. And have tried compensating by taking chlorophyll vitamens to reduce odor. Its been helping, and has only been started in the last 3 weeks, when my stomach got so bad from the cereal (which happened in the same week that the roundup chemicals had been discovered in all oat based cerals from the major companies)

I have a hard time verbalizing a lot of things these days. Interactions with people outside of being able to sit and come up with a verbal or typed response. Its hard to talk to people, its hard to focus on conversations, its hard to process the comprehension of what im being told when im not on any medications. Its getting harder to interact with people outside of work, and home.

I practice mindfulness every day, i try and stay flexible. Ive gotten back to work and can stand for an hour or so, before the burning sensations and weakness to my knees and legs. The cold, the wet, was particularly hellacious this last month. Ive also noticed that my fingers will begin to go numb like my toes, when the upper part of my back (new area). There is also the sensation of someone sticking a sewing needle under my left hand, small-ring-middle finger. This sensation occurs a few times a day, and i wonder if its like the same sensation that occurs in my feet. But its super sharp and focused. So thsts why i think its something else. It doesnt feel like the constant pressure, restlessness, numbness, tingling, the “whitenoise” on an old tv if that visual was a feeling beneath the skin that never stops:

On my upper left thigh from my hip to my knee

On the outer side, has little to no sensation for things other then a buzzing: this occurrence was immedately after my radio frequency ablation.

The normal course of my day for the last 6-8 months. Where there is pretty much no deviation to the day:

4:30 am (last occurrence was on 4/11)

To

8:45 am when my alarm goes off, i have to wait for the feeling to return to my toes so i can stand up and get my day organized.

Within 1-3 hours of waking up, if i do not immediately get in the shower, and spend no less then 45 minutes-2 hours cleaning my rectum.

From that, i cant really eat much, or have much energy after. I usually take about 5 hours to try and get through as much of what ever it is, with out pain medication, so by the time my pain level is making it hard to focus, i take one of my pain meds, muscle relaxer, and benedryll to counteract the itching all over in random pressures and intendities, this occurs from 10:30- 3 pm and while the hour it takes to shower again when i get home or have to change my diaper. I have no energy left and sleep til 6:00-9pm. From 9-11 time watching tv with my partners. Then from10:30 pm i take all my meds. Then 11p-as late as 10 am, no sleep regardless of position, burning feet, numb feet, that burn. Constant hot flashes at night so by the time i was up its been 2-4 in the middle of the night.

Over the past 6 months, ive been running out of medication. If the day is cold, or if i have to drive anywhere, if i have to be on my feet. The one med i have when i get home from work, and then again so i can sleep, has caused me to not get anywhere with managing these sensations. There is not enough or its not effective. My doctors do not listen.

Opiates make me itch. Thats why i take benedryl, and hydroxizine to help reduce itching. There is mediation that they give me in the er to help, but no one has cared to explore if that’s something that would work for my vomiting as well which occurs due to pain expelling stool.

I usually eat about 9-11 pm each day as i try and have something in my stomach when intake my night pills after dinner.

My ability to drive; lasts about 20 minutes. So im able to get to and from single outings in a day, i dont have stamina or emotional endurace to go much beyond this routine.

I cannot travel, can barely work, walk with a cane, and have this is what my normal day is, and has been for nearly 2 years without reiable relief of any kind. No one seems able to understand how limiting it is, how much pain that never stops, how even eating or drinking the wrong thing creates even more problems.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

I dont have anything I can think to do next, i dont have anymore hope that i can go 6 hours without something going wrong. There isn’t anything ive been able to have reliable, consistent relief from since moving to san diego in 2012. Daily management has not occurred, from anything that has been recomended from the long term and my quality of life is between being unable to focus, or interact with others in a meaningful way, or without loosing sensations, stumbling on something, have panic attacks because of the anxiety problems from always being over stimulated to the point where body contact with my partner cannot happen. My skin feels like it burns when something touches it, i cannot wear much without it scratching and leaving marks on my skin, or causing more varieties of sensory hell. My shirts, pants, the pressure from then diaper if its not fitted well. The sensation can be anything from sharp like im being cut, or an another itching or burning in places where things touch me. I have no idea what will happen next.

[mingosfics]

Acidic Love

Kirishima x Mina 

Kirishima and Mina just want to be parents. But you don't always get what you want. Or do you?

Part 2 in my MHA Parenthood series

Warnings: Mentions miscarriages and blood. Angsty. 

Read it on Ao3 here, Chapter 1 below

Mina wanted kids.

Mina wanted kids badly.

She supposed it might be hormonal, a biological baby hunger that started to rise after graduating. And it had been easy to ignore, to push back into the far corners of her mind while she focused more on her budding career. She’d even been able to ignore it when Yaoyorozu and Todoroki had a baby. But then Bakugou and Midoriya had had Akio, which in and off itself wouldn’t have been a problem…but then Kirishima had started babysitting his “nephew.”

At their apartment.

And seeing her long-term boyfriend laugh and play and love on their little nephew stoked the ever-loving shit out of the fires of Mina’s baby hunger. Mina quickly realized that he would literally be the greatest father of all time and she wanted nothing more than to give him that opportunity. She hesitantly brought up the subject one night after Midoriya had picked up Akio, leaving the two alone. Kirishima had cried, (These are MANLY tears, babe) and they agreed that while they wouldn’t actively TRY to get pregnant, they also would stop using protection and she went off the pill.

If it happens then it’s meant to happen, Kirishima had told her with a big sharp toothy grin.

And it had happened. The first time a test came back positive she presented Kirishima with a little box that held the positive test and a tiny onesie that said ‘My dad is my hero.’ Kirishima looked at her with big wide eyes and then launched himself forward. She had giggled as he picked her up and twirled her around the room chanting Im going to be a dad! Im going to be a dad! Over and over and over again.

She fell asleep that night tucked tightly against Kirishima’s chest, listening to his heartbeat as he held up his phone, scrolling through baby names.

She had awoken later that night with some mild back pain and begrudgingly left the warmth of Kirishima’s embrace to their kitchen to grab an aspirin or something. She was opening the pill bottle when the most painful cramp she had ever had tore through her lower body. It was so sudden that she cried out, dropping the bottle. Little pills scattered onto the floor as she dropped to her knees and held her stomach. Kirishima came skidding in, colliding with their fridge.

It wasn’t until he turned on the lights that she noticed the blood.

Kirishima held her at the hospital, ran his calloused fingers through pink hair. His jaw set, unflinching as they listened to the doctor. He was her rock as she sobbed against his chest, though she knew it broke him just as much as it broke her. When they got home she had heard him crying in the shower.

But they survived. Vowed to try again when she was healthy and ready.

The second pregnancy came a little under a year later. It lasted three weeks longer than the first. They had hope. They celebrated just as happily as the first time, they even told Kirishima’s mother.

There was no back pain that time. Just a week of cramping and the tiniest amount of bleeding that ended in another hospital room with another doctor telling them yet again, they had lost the baby. Kirishima promised her it was ok. He had stroked her hair, whispered comforting words against her skin. Held her as she sobbed herself to sleep. But she knew he left that night and didn’t come back until morning with bruises lining his knuckles. It looked like he had been up all-night punching concrete, and he had.

The third time, she hadn’t bothered taking him to the hospital with her. She couldn’t stand to see him attempt to comfort her even though he was seconds away from shattering himself. This time tho, she didn’t cry. She was too numb. This time the doctor had answers.

“It’s your acid.” He had explained. “Gestation is such a…fickle thing and it requires a small ph range to be successful. The acidity in your womb, your blood…in you is simply too high to carry a baby. I’m so sorry.”

It’s your fault. The voice in Mina’s head spoke. You and Eijirou can’t have a baby and it’s YOUR FAULT.

The voice only got louder and louder as she made her way back to their apartment.

Your fault.

Why would he want to stay with someone who can’t give him children?

You’ll never be a mother.

He’s going to realize that.

He’s going to leave you.

The one thing you want most, you can’t have.

It’s your fault.

When she stepped back into their apartment, she took a single deep breath…

…and then she snapped.

--------------------------

Kirishima hummed cheerfully and hoisted his duffle bag of hero gear high on his hip so he could unlock his front door. He swung it open and prepared to give his best ‘Mina Im homeeeeee!!!!’ but the words died in his throat the second he stepped in.

His fists hardened on instinct.

His apartment looked like it had been ransacked, or hit by a tornado. The TV hung off the wall at a weird angle. Bookcases were toppled over. He could see the kitchen from his vantage point, the cupboards were all open and all of their dishes were shattered on the ground. The fridge was on its side. Knives were embedded into the walls. The table was cracked in half.

But most concerning were the tell tale acid burns on almost everything. Kirishima had to fight back the panic and bile that rose in his throat, it looked like Mina had put up one hell of a fight against something but his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. He dropped his duffle bag and edged into the room, hero instinct on high alert.

“M-Mina?” He called out, gaining no response. He peeked into the kitchen, nothing. Spare bedroom empty. Hallway closet empty. Empty. Empty.

He found her in their bathroom, sitting on the floor, slumped over their toilet.

“Mina?” He let his hands return to normal and knelt down beside her. “Mina are you ok? What happened, should I call the police?”

He reached out a hand and placed it on a bare, pale pink shoulder. His girlfriend slowly lifted her head to look at him. He’s pretty sure his heart stopped beating.

He had literally broken one time, his hardened form shattering, and he still didn’t think that was AS broken as Mina looked right now.

“Babe.” He lifted his hand to her cheek. “Babe what happened?”

She blinked at him a few times before her bottom lip startled to wobble and she started to collapse. Kirishima’s arms darted out and caught her, pulling her against his chest.

“I. L-lost. The. Baby.” She hiccupped through absolutely anguished sobs. Kirishima’s heart sank…damn…she had almost been 11 weeks this time.

“I…It’s going to be ok babe.” He shifted from a kneeling to a sitting position so he could pull her into his lap. She felt impossibly small, crumpled against him. He pushed a kiss into her pink hair and rocked her slowly. “We should go to the hospital to make sure you’re ok. Ok babe?”

“I already went.” She cried.

“w…what?”

“I went this morning. The…the doctor told me it’s been happening because of ME. Because I’m too acidic to carry a baby.” Her sobs got impossibly harder, her whole body shaking in Kirishima’s arms. He held her tighter.

“God Im sorry hon. Im so sorry. It’ll be ok though ok? There are other ways to have a baby, we could-“

“No.” She breathed, pulling away from him. “You don’t understand Eiji! I don’t want that. I want our baby. I want to carry your baby inside me. I don’t want to adopt, or surrogate. I don’t. I just want to be a mother and carry my child and I just want a baby Eijirou. I just want a baby. I just- “

“I know.” Kirishima barely rasped, beginning to sob himself. “I know babe.”

All he could do was hold her until she sobbed herself quiet.

“I fucked up the apartment.” She whispered, muffled into his chest.

“I…saw. Its ok, I would have too.”

“M’sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it won’t be too hard to clean up.”

“No Im…Im sorry I cant give you a baby Eijirou. Im sorry you ended up with someone who can’t make you a father.”

Kirishims frowned and pulled her away far enough to cup her cheeks between his palms. He stared into her eyes, seeking out the pinpricks of gold that floated on a sea of inky black. He rubbed his thumb over the round flesh of a pink cheek, wiping an errant tear from her skin.

“Mina don’t you ever be sorry for that. Remember we said that whatever happened will happen, and whatever doesn’t happen won’t? And I promised you that either way, I would be right here by your side, no matter what. And a long time before that I promised you that I wanted to live with no regrets. And to this day my only regret is not asking you out sooner because you are all I’ve wanted since middle school.”

“I love you so much Ashido Mina.” He pushed a kiss on the tip of her knows and grinned when she smiled softly at the action. “And I will never *kiss* ever *kiss* EVER *kiss* stop loving you.”

“I love you.” She whispered back, kissing him before collapsing against his chest again.

Kirishima hired someone else to clean their apartment.

Yet even after it was clean, he still could see the subtle cracks in his girlfriend’s demeanor. She stopped signing up for modeling gigs, which she loved. She was a lot quieter, which in their relationship was unheard of. She found excuses not to be home when Kirishima had to babysit for Bakugou. And worst, worst of all…she teared up every time she saw a baby or toddler in public.

She didn’t know that Kirishima saw, because it was nearly impossible for him to take his eyes off her when they were near each other. Had been impossible since middle school. He saw, he knew.

And he was determined to find a way for her to have his baby.

[soidont-break]

so, last night was fun.  wound up with some pretty severe pain... and so bf decided to try to get me to take pain relief.  except he kept pushing, and started guilting me, and threatening to withhold affection and threatened to sleep out on the couch if i didn’t. 

now, for context, my mom used to literally shove pills down my throat clear up until i was like, 16. as in would put her fingers in my mouth and then hold me in place, sometimes holding my mouth shut, until i swallowed them. and then would get mad at me if i wound up throwing them back up which happened a lot, unintentionally, bc of my sensitive stomach. so, safe to say, i have some issues involving taking medication of any kind, even something simple and over the counter like tylenol, ibuprofen, that kind of thing. 

but, last night, i was psyching myself up to take the thing.  but, he kept pushing. i even straight up told him not to blackmail me into taking it, and he said  ‘ i dont want to have to, but ‘...  and he just kept getting after me until finally i started shutting down.  and he immediately got mad at me for shutting down. and he took pillows and blankets and left to sleep on the couch, leaving me in pain, alone, cold, and in the beginnings of a ptsd episode so bad i spent the next 2 hours swinging between feeling numb and nothing to shaking and sobbing so hard i almost threw up. 

then this morning. he ignored me the first couple times i walked by, bc i had to pass him to get to the kitchen. and about an hour later he came into the room and just told me  ‘ i love you, im just a little upset ‘.   he was upset.  he thought he really had the right to be upset with me. and i snapped at him. i was shaking so bad i was so fucking pissed and i straight up told him how badly he hurt me last night. 

and he tried to excuse it away like   ‘ well you were in pain and i don’t like it when you’re in pain, and i was just trying to help, sorry’.  at least he admitted he could’ve handled it better, i guess. but, he still hurt me. really hurt me. i almost cut again last night bc of this, bc of how awful of a place my brain went to with trauma, and feeling abandoned, and being in pain. i slept alone last night, in a lot of pain, having to rock myself back and forth to try calming myself down which only made the pain worse, feeling helpless and abandoned, like a failure, angry, just trying not to cry loud enough for him or his mom to hear.   i don’t think im gonna be okay with him for a while. i dont think i even want him to touch me for a while.    which is just gonna be harder on me, yet, bc hey im a super touch starved person and i need physical contact for my mental health, but guess snuggling a cat is gonna have to do.   and to top it off, i’ve barely eaten in 3 days bc ive felt off and like i had no appetite at all, plus i’m broke, so i’m running on empty. 

yeah, fun times. 

edit: forgot to add, i woke up to the bf and his mom talking shit about me in the other room, bc they thought i was still asleep... her saying basically that he really didn’t do anything wrong and its my problem i need to get over.  and to kiss and make up like it wasn’t a big deal. like it didn’t completely break me last night.  so, that’s just dandy, too.