#so instead of transferring everything i just took the time to make a spreadsheet and basically code the functions myself

[dsntwrk]

help me i've gotten so deep into the steddie rabbit hole i haven't gotten this stuck on something since destiel

this really isn't good for my health

THESE ARE THE FICS THAT I SUBSCRIBED TO / LIKED READING (I'VE BASICALLY READ 1/5 WORTH OF STEDDIE FICS COMPARED TO DESTIEL FICS - I GOT INTO DESTIEL 4 YRS AGO, I ONLY STARTED READING STEDDIE FICS SOME TIME LAST MONTH WTF)

tbf, i have taken breaks from destiel to read other fandoms/fics so, ig the timing works out? if you think about it?

[ilovolderman]

Movie Night

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: Sam tries to gather proof of your secret relationship with Bucky during a movie night.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: humor, fluff, secret dating, sam losing his mind, one shared blanket

A/N: this can be read as a standalone even though it's part of a series called "You Said What". it doesn't necessarily follow a specific order, but if you want to check out the other parts, here they are: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9 thanks for reading, i hope you like it :)

Sam Wilson was back on his BS.

Not because he wanted to be. No. He had to be. This was about justice. About truth. About the undeniable, unquantifiable, deeply suspicious sense that you and Bucky Barnes were absolutely, definitely, one hundred percent... up to something.

He didn’t have hard evidence. He didn’t even have medium evidence. What he had was vibes.

And the vibes? They were criminal.

It all started on a Wednesday.

The group had planned a “Chill Movie Night.”

Sam arrived early, armed with snacks, a color-coded emotional tracking spreadsheet, and a high-end mood ring that Tony insisted was “useless but fun.”

Everything seemed normal. Steve was fluffing pillows like a dad trying to avoid confrontation. Peter was arguing with the popcorn machine. Natasha was already asleep on the couch. (Open-eyed, somehow. Very concerning.) Tony was making a cocktail out of four liquids that were definitely not FDA-approved.

And then you walked in.

Sam’s eye twitched.

Behind you, Bucky entered. Smirking. Carrying your favorite takeout like some kind of emotionally supportive boyfriend ninja.

“Hey, guys,” you said sweetly, flopping onto the couch. Bucky sat beside you, a respectable distance away.

Until Sam blinked.

And suddenly, somehow, your knees were touching.

EXHIBIT Q. KNEE TREASON.

Sam clutched his soda like it was the last thing anchoring him to reality.

The movie choice? A romcom. Obviously. The plot? Two idiots pretending not to be in love. The irony? Painful.

Sam watched you both. Not the movie. You giggled during the fake-dating scene. Bucky smirked.

Your eyes met for exactly 1.3 seconds. You looked away like your life depended on it.

Sam scribbled in his notes. Tony leaned in, whispering, “Are you actually watching the movie or doing telepathy?”

“I’m watching a conspiracy unfold in real time,” Sam whispered back. “...Of course you are.”

On screen, the protagonists shared a dramatic, rain-soaked kiss. On the couch, Bucky passed you a napkin. You took it without looking. No words. No thank you.

EXHIBIT R. EMPATHETIC NAPKIN TRANSFER.

Sam wrote “co-dependent, probably share a soul.” in his notes.

It got worse. At some point  Peter complained about the cold. Tony threatened to install a fireplace. Someone, probably Steve, bless his Midwestern heart, tossed a blanket over the couch. You grabbed one end. Bucky took the other.

Normal. Harmless. Unremarkable.

Until Sam realized there was only one blanket.

And two people under it.

A suspicious amount of shoulder contact was happening beneath that polyester monstrosity. Too much shared body heat. Too much calm.

Sam squinted. “Why are they always so synchronized?” Steve, confused: “Who?” Sam: “The blanket goblins.” Steve: “...Are you okay?” Sam: “NO.”

The movie played on in the background, but you and Bucky were no longer paying attention. Instead, you two were quietly leaning into each other, aware of Sam's eagle-eyed attention from across the room. The couch creaked as Bucky shifted slightly closer, his arm brushing against yours, and you bit your lip to keep from smiling too widely.

"Do you think Sam's lost it yet?" you whispered, voice low, just enough for Bucky to hear.

Bucky grinned, but didn’t look away from the screen. "Oh, he’s spiraling. I can feel his brain cells popping one by one."

You let out a tiny snort, trying to hold back the giggle that was threatening to escape. “He's so obvious. He keeps glancing over every two seconds. Should we give him a little more to work with?"

Bucky raised an eyebrow, his lips curling in a barely contained smirk. “You want to really mess with him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should let him stew for a bit longer.” You shot a playful glance at Sam, who was practically glaring at you two from behind his soda. "He’s getting all worked up for nothing."

Bucky leaned in a little closer, his breath warm on your ear as he whispered, “Let’s make him regret not having a seat next to us.”

He shifted slightly, just enough that your knees brushed against each other. The small touch seemed so innocent to anyone else, but Sam’s narrowed eyes locked onto the subtle movement, his hand hovering over his notebook like a hawk waiting to strike.

Your lips quirked into a mischievous smile. You did your best to make it look like a completely natural movement as you accidentally rested your head against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky, of course, played along beautifully, his arm casually draping over the back of the couch behind you, so close that your bodies were practically melting into each other.

“You okay?” he asked in the most nonchalant tone, but the teasing glint in his eyes was hard to miss.

You blinked, putting on your best innocent face. “Oh, yeah. Just—just—getting comfy.” Your hand brushed against his as you adjusted yourself, and you quickly squeezed his fingers once before letting them fall.

Your eyes flicked over to Sam, who was visibly straining to stay calm, his hand twitching over his notebook like it was a lifeline. You could practically hear his thoughts racing: This is it. This is definitely it. They're in on it.

You smiled sweetly, letting your voice drop to an exaggerated whisper. “I think I might be too comfortable.”

Bucky’s smirk widened, and before Sam could even react, he casually pulled his jacket sleeve over his hand, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and gently brushed his fingertips against your knee. The slightest contact. Barely a touch.

Sam’s eyes narrowed so sharply that it looked like his face might implode. He scribbled something aggressively in his notebook. You could almost hear the frantic ticking of his mental clock. *Evidence: They are physically close. Touch. Note: Is this normal?

You stifled a laugh, shifting just a little to let your body lean more into Bucky. “You know,” you said, voice syrupy sweet, “I could really get used to this.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, shifting just enough that his shoulder brushed against yours, and his hand accidentally found its way to your lower back. “Well, lucky for you,” he said with mock sincerity, “I’m just that kind of guy. Always happy to offer some… support.”

You grinned, fighting the urge to burst into laughter. Instead, you pressed your palm into his chest, just enough for the world to think it was a casual adjustment. But oh, you knew. You knew what was happening.

Sam was now glaring at you both with a level of intensity that could melt steel.

Bucky turned his head toward you, but just enough so Sam could definitely see. He made eye contact, and his lips curved into a teasing grin, one that said, I know you’re watching.

You raised your eyebrows in challenge and tilted your head as if asking, What are you going to do about it, Sam?

You caught a glimpse of his expression, then leaned closer to Bucky. “I swear he’s about to pull out a flowchart,” you whispered, lips curling into a mischievous grin.

Bucky bit back a laugh. “Let him. He’ll need it for all this groundbreaking evidence.”

Sam’s eye twitched.

You and Bucky both leaned back, relaxing into each other, casually oblivious to the total chaos you were unleashing. Sam sat back down, utterly defeated, furiously scribbling in his notebook. He couldn’t even look at the screen anymore.

Then, the movie ended. The lights came on. You yawned. Bucky stretched.

And Sam watched in horror as Bucky casually — casually! — helped you into your jacket like it was 1952 and you were going steady after a sock hop.

You whispered something to him. He grinned. Then you both said you were leaving at the same time, but separately.

Bucky went out the back. You left through the front.

Sam looked at Natasha.

“Did you see that?” She didn’t even open her eyes. “Nope.” “Lies.” “You need a nap.” “I need the TRUTH.”

Tony sipped his weird drink. “I give it another week before they start sharing shoes.”

Peter, from the kitchen: “Wait, do they not already?”

Sam screamed into the void.

Later that night the rooftop was quiet, blanketed in the soft hush of city sounds far below. A gentle breeze tugged at the edge of the blanket draped over your shoulders as you curled into your usual corner, legs tucked beneath you. Fairy lights flickered lazily overhead, casting warm glows over Bucky’s face as he joined you with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

He handed one “Cheers to another successful psychological operation,” you said, clinking the mugs.

“To Operation: Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlfriend,” Bucky replied solemnly, taking a sip. He immediately burned his tongue and winced.

You giggled, taking a much more careful sip. “You know Sam’s going to start cross-referencing our foot placement on the couch with moon phases, right?”

“Oh, definitely,” Bucky said. “I bet he’s already got a red string board with little thumbtacks that spell ‘LIES.’”

You leaned into him with a contented sigh, resting your head on his shoulder. “We are going to hell.”

“Matching outfits,” he said. “I already ordered the shirts.”

You burst into laughter, nearly spilling your drink. “Bucky.”

He just smiled, wide and soft and unguarded in the dim rooftop light, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, tucking you into his side like you belonged there—and honestly, you did.

A beat of silence passed. The kind that wasn’t awkward. The kind that felt like a warm exhale, like a secret just between the two of you.

You smiled into your mug, letting the words settle. The city shimmered below you. The stars above blinked like they were in on the secret too.

“I like it up here,” you murmured.

“I like you up here,” Bucky replied, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your head, right at your temple, like he was memorizing the shape of your joy.

You turned your face toward him, bumping noses a little in that silly, clumsy way that always made him smile. “You’re being very sweet. Should I be worried?”

He shrugged. “Just making sure you know.”

“That you like me?”

“That I’m crazy about you,” he said, and then, quieter: “Even when you’re fake flirting with me to drive Sam to madness.”

You grinned. “Oh, babe. That’s not fake.”

Bucky blinked, then broke into a grin so dopey and full of love it made your chest ache.

You clinked your mugs together again, just because.

Meanwhile Sam was crouched on the roof of a building, squinting through a comically long-lensed pair of binoculars that Tony swore were ��state-of-the-art.”

They were not.

They were the opposite of helpful.

They had a cracked lens, fog on the inside, and occasionally made a sad whining sound like they missed retirement.

Still, Sam stared across the distance with the desperate determination of a man on the brink.

Through the foggy lens, he saw… two tiny blobs.

Two indistinct, cozy-looking blobs huddled on the rooftop of Avengers Tower, gently illuminated by twinkle lights that only added insult to injury.

He couldn’t see their faces. He couldn’t read lips. He couldn’t tell which blob was Bucky and which was you.

“Come on, do something,” Sam muttered, adjusting the focus knob. Nothing changed. He flipped it the other way. The blobs got blurrier.

He smacked the side of the binoculars.

They shut off.

He swore loudly and rebooted them.

Inside his earpiece, FRIDAY chimed in, unbothered: “Would you like me to send a drone for closer surveillance?”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “No. That’s what they want. Then they’ll know I’m watching.”

“They already know you’re watching.”

“I have to catch them, FRIDAY. Not just feel it in my soul.”

Another blob shifted.

Sam gasped. “Movement. MOVEMENT.” He turned the dial again. Still nothing but murky shadow-people. “Are they... hugging? Is that a hug? Or... is one of them standing up? Oh my god, is Bucky proposing?!”

A long pause. Then, FRIDAY dryly: “Sir. They are literally just drinking cocoa.”

Sam groaned and flopped backward onto the gravel roof, his limbs starfished dramatically like a war hero brought low by cuddle-based crimes.

“This is torture,” he moaned. “I’m three buildings away, I’ve got frostbite on my kneecaps, and I’m watching two potato blobs make suspiciously synchronized cocoa movements.”

“Shall I remind you,” FRIDAY said gently, “that you volunteered for this?”

“I VOLUNTEERED FOR TRUTH. AND JUSTICE. AND—” Sam sat up suddenly. “Wait. Are they... did that blob just touch the other blob’s blob-arm?”

“I have no idea, sir.”

“Oh god,” he whispered. “They’re holding hands. I feel it.”

“Or one of them is adjusting a blanket.”

Sam made a noise like a teakettle dying. “It’s the vibes, FRIDAY. I am being spiritually attacked.”

A car honked below. Sam yelped and dropped the binoculars. They hit the ground, bounced once, and rolled off the edge of the building with a dramatic clatter that absolutely ruined the "stealth" part of the mission.

Sam stared at the edge.

Then at the sky.

Then at his empty hands.

“FRIDAY, I’ve lost visual.”

There was a beat.

“Sir, you never had it.”

Back at Avengers Tower, on the actual rooftop you snuggled closer to Bucky, sipping your hot chocolate, utterly unaware of the storm raging in a man's soul several rooftops away.

Actually, no—you were very aware.

You nudged Bucky. “Wanna bet where Sam is right now trying to spy on us?”

Bucky grinned. “Roof of that tall brick building with the busted vent.”

You blinked. “How do you know?”

“I waved at him like ten minutes ago.”

next part

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[wasbangtanhome]

late, late, late | KSJ

banner made by bangtanhome! (me)

Summary: Is he late? Yes. Were you mad? Yes. Was it a special day? Yes, yes, yes! You had everything prepared and you just wanted your boyfriend to come home. Now.

Pairing: Office worker!Kim Seokjin x F(Reader) | also kind of dom!Jin

Warning: 18+. Smut in the form of: pwp, provocative dress, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it hehe), oral sex (M receiving), fingering, use of the word "slut", cumming inside, impact play (ass and pussy). also he used the L word.

Word Count: 4.4k

Author's note: Short and sweet to start off my journey here on tumblr!! I hope you enjoy it and to please please let me know about any improvements. I worked really hard on it! Also my first smut fic! Also, also, there are not a lot of pet names ever since I saw the post about what Namjoon, Jungkook, Jimin, and Jin would call their lover. I got super sappy.

From the kitchen window, you have a clear view of the entrance leading to your apartment that you share with your boyfriend. The sun has set and it's well past dinner time but you have yet to see his face walking up the steps, blowing a kiss at your general direction.

You chew the inside of your cheek. He's late, you thought, peering out the window for the nth time while drying the dishes. You can't help but worry. Seokjin usually calls if he picked up an extra shift, but your phone has yet to move.

Today marks a year of the two of you living together. The year hasn't treated you kindly. A while back, your company had some budget cuts. Your department was abolished and unlike the lucky coworkers that were transferred, you were a part of the handful that received severance pay.

You figured going back to work would be easy, especially with your qualifications. However, you have yet to get a call from any of the places you applied to. With you unable to work, you spend your days maintaining the apartment. Your boyfriend, his smile ever present, told you he would just have to take more shifts.

‘You know, ______, housework is really hard to do,’ he remarked. ‘Besides, I make more than enough money to support us both.’

You smiled at your boyfriend then. It was true, there wasn’t really a need for you to go to work. You eased up on your stress over not finding work and dutifully cleaned the apartment.

You trudged your way to the entrance of the apartment. Head resting on the front door before unlocking it with your key. Seokjin was drinking tea by the window sill, looking as ethereal as ever. He noticed you had entered the apartment, smiling lovingly at you.

Before he had a chance to say hello, you broke the news about what happened during work. Instantly, your boyfriend came towards you, his smile faltering as he saw the state you were in. The fatigue in your bones left you slumped on the ground.

Seokjin did not say a word, opted to close and lock the door behind you before sinking to his knees to meet you at eye level.

‘Hey,’ he murmured softly. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

He nudged your shoulder and you fell to his embrace. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. You whimper softly as you seize his dress shirt, hot tears falling on his dress shirt, turning the color a shade darker than it was. Your knuckles turned white as your chest rose and fell rapidly, ragged breathing moaning the loss. And yet, your Seokjin rubbed circles on your back soothingly, hugging you tightly, not saying a word.

‘Sorry,’ you remembered mumbling as the coil in your stomach loosened.

‘Don’t be sorry, _____, there’s no reason for you too,’ he whispered back.

Silence fell before he piped up. ‘What do you call a bike that can’t stand on its own?’ he waggled his eyebrows when you looked at him, confused at what he’s saying. It took you a good moment to know that he was joking.

‘Two-tired!’ he exclaimed, laughing at his own joke. You smiled at your lover and before long, laughed along with him; his joy infecting your sadness.

He took out his handkerchief, wiping the streaks of tears away and giving it to you. At his gesture, you snickered before dissolving once more into tears. He had fretted then, worried that he had done something wrong.

‘I’m so lucky,’ you mumbled in tears. ‘Lucky to have you as my boyfriend, Kim Seokjin.’

He smiled softly at your comment, proceeded to pull you in his lap. ‘So, what do you want to do now?’

‘Easy,’ you sniffled, plastering a smile on your face. ‘We order fried chicken and drink!’

Seokjin had looked at you funny, surprised to hear you crave alcohol. Your smile was infectious and he ruffled your hair to agree. ‘That’s my girl!’ he exclaimed. ‘Let’s find you an even better paying job, okay?’

He was so enthusiastic, making the tragedy that happened to you that day seem so… trivial. You got drunk that night, your body not used to the alcohol.

You smile softly at the memory that happened after, your boyfriend’s hair stuck to his face, panting heavily as you came all over him. You try to push the memory away, focusing instead on your task at hand, but the damage was done- you're wet.

You chew on your bottom lip, hands traveling lower, touching your folds.

I’ll just start without him.Something nagged at your brain, and as your fingers sought out your clit, you realize how unsatisfying it would be without your boyfriend coaxing orgasm after orgasm from you.

You moan, anticipation and desperation threatening to consume you. Distracting yourself, you went through your mental checklist again. Skimpy apron? Check. Food? It’s cold because it’s been in the fridge, but check. The line that you’ve been practicing for the past few months to win over your boyfriend? Check, check, and check.

You glance again and the parking lot was empty now, its residents taking space in their respective homes. No sign of Seokjin.

You huff, grabbing your phone and pressing the on power roughly, almost causing it to clatter on the ground. Almost. Your screen flickers on and you see an image of him smiling back at you. You stuck your tongue out at his face, and punched a string of numbers you know by heart.

The line rang for a long time. You were about to let it go to voicemail. At the last second, you hear a tired voice answer you.

“Darling?” Seokjin’s voice was gruff and sleepy. You can make a mental image of him running a hand through his hair. He sounded distracted, probably looking at his spreadsheets as the numbers start to blur together.

"Hi," you try cheerfully, clearing your throat, hoping he can’t hear the anticipation across the phone. You cradle the device between your ear and your shoulder before brushing lint from your apron. "Are you coming home soon?"

Seokjin looked at his watch, knowing something was clearly bothering you. Looking at the time, he scrambled to his feet: 19:32.

"Wh-Wha--?" came the stunned response. You hear Seokjin push his chair back and the familiar beep of his computer turning off. You laugh quietly as you hear doors slam and his voice echoing in the staircase.

"Oh, _____, I'm so sorry. I had no idea what time it was," he pants, high on adrenaline trying to get home as soon as possible.

"I'm so sorry, ______. I'll be home soon. You can start eating without me, okay?"

You feel a grin paint your face, relief that he was at work. "I'm okay! You must be hungry, love. Just glad you're finally coming home. I can't wait to see you. Drive safe!" you exclaim hurriedly, knowing he won’t want to call when he’s driving.

He murmured a confirmation and you ended the call. Seokjin may be late but there’s still cause for celebration. Settling the butterflies in your stomach, you open the fridge door to take out the food you had prepared earlier, heating them up.

You finally see a familiar figure run from his parking space. His dress shirt untucked and he stopped for only a moment to blow a kiss towards you. His hair clung to his scalp, his tie was loose, and his eyes shining with adoration. You waved back quickly before seeing him disappear into the building.

Seokjin expected you to be angry, ready to apologize for coming home so late. At the very least, he expected a hug, you seemed happy enough, asking how his day was in the office. What he didn’t expect was you in an apron… wearing nothing else. His eyes roamed your body, stunned at the lack of clothes, briefcase dropping heavily on the floor.

"Are you going to close the door?" he heard you ask.

Never taking his eyes off of you, he closed and locked the door, sliding out of his work shoes. Like a deer caught in headlights, you can’t help but wonder what would happen if you approached him.

You hear him gasp as you get closer, his face incredulous. You pressed your chest towards his, relishing in his ears turning red.

"Now,” you smirk and grab a hold of his tie. “Would you like to start with dinner,"-- you croon as you fling it behind you.

"-a bath,” you say seductively as you open the first couple of buttons of his dress shirt. “-or me?" you finish, dress shirt completely unbuttoned as you watch his delicious figure.

You don't often see your boyfriend at a loss for words. But this... this was something else. Seokjin opened and closed his mouth, blinking rapidly. You hid your smile behind closed lips, enjoying the fact you’re making him squirm.

"What did you make for dinner?" he stammered, forcing a chuckle.

You waved at the table. "The works, japchae, fried chicken, corn, kimchi… You know, our favourites."

"Huh..." he managed, swallowing. Seokjin knew how hungry he was when he left the office, but he couldn't seem to focus on the steaming delicacies on the table. He turned his gaze back to you, slowly closing the distance between your lips.

"Good answer," you murmur.

"Didn't know it was a test," he whispered, dipping his head back down, claiming your soft lips once more.

You smiled into the kiss, content that he was finally home. His hands stopped trembling as it snaked lower. One hand circled your waist, the other trailing soft circles on your back. You shivered at his delicate touch, arching your back into his hand to feel more.

Seokjin seemed to understand your signal and lifted you up, making your way through the living room to reach your bed. Once you landed with a soft plop, he continued the kiss. Heat was rising to his cheeks as he fully shrugged his dress shirt off, returning shortly to connect his lips to yours.

"Jin, I can't see... it's too dark in here," you whined, feeling your skin burn where he touched your body.

You did not receive an immediate response from your beloved, only hearing the thud of a belt on the floor and you hoped his pants came off with it.

"I think it's the perfect amount of light to make you squirm," he whispers. You feel the mattress sink with his weight and the heated kiss resumes, your hands flying to tug at his hair with urgency. You start to feel feverish from the kiss, trying desperately to connect your hips to something so you can feel the first waves of pleasure. You’ve been waiting for such a long time.

He smiles at your impatience and starts tweaking your clothed nipple. "Off..." you whined, wanting the apron gone.

Seokjin slipped the shoulder straps down. You arch your back and he untied the ribbon holding everything together easily. He threw it over his shoulder and finally, his large palms directly touched your tits. He sucked on a nipple while his hands were busy, roaming every inch of your body. You moaned underneath him, thrusting your chest upwards to give him more access.

"Mmm..." you sigh as his hand travelled south and pressed onto your clit.

"You're so wet already," he released your nipple, chuckling darkly. "Have you been waiting all day? Did you want to be fucked that badly?"

You winced at his words. He continued circling your clit, waiting patiently for your answer. "Well?"

"Yes, darling," you pant out. "I have been waiting all day for you! Ah- and you were late," you whined pathetically.

He chuckled again, muttering apologies under his breath while he continues to play with your clit, your nipple back in his mouth. You knew you were going to get a real apology after you're done, but this was enough.

You felt his finger enter your pussy, testing out to see how tight you were. Your eyelids fluttered shut as he added another finger, eliciting a moan from you.

"Yeah? You like that?" came the breathy response.

Your head spun as he curled his fingers at the sensitive bundle of nerves. His thumb pressed and circled on your clit, his pace getting faster and his thrusts getting deeper.

"Jin, I'm close," you squeak out, squirming at his unrelenting force. Your high was right there, waiting for your undoing. But your boyfriend had other plans and his thrusts stopped completely before you came.

You whined, your hands tugging at his hair dangerously. Frustration swept overr your face as it turned even more crimson than his ears. "J-Jin..." you grumble weakly, catching your breath. Your cunt squeezed at nothing when he removed his fingers completely.

"Wanted to feel you cum on my dick," was his simple response.

In the fog of your pleasure, you weren't aware of his veiny cock rapidly growing harder, tip already leaking precum. You stared, dazed as he pumped his length. You also had other plans when you moved to the floor.

You licked a stripe down from the tip to the base, earning a hiss from your boyfriend. His eyes fluttering shut when you look up, his cock slowly disappearing into your mouth.

You suck lightly at first, taking care that your teeth don't make contact with his sensitive member and begin bobbing to a rhythm. He groaned as you stuffed your mouth with his cock, hands grabbing fistfuls of your hair.

"Ah- ________, ah-, can I move?" he huffed out, unable to form sentences without groans.

You moaned to signal your affirmation and he used your hair as leverage to pull you closer to the base. You struggled and gagged, feeling so fucking full. You whimper as he held you there, his head falling back with a groan.

Seokjin snapped his hips, thrusting deeper into your throat. The sensation made you moan, tears blurring your vision. He picked up the pace when he saw you, loves the view of you struggling with his cock in your mouth.

He loved to ruin you, would never admit that out loud, but seeing his lover whimper and sob because he was too big made him moan. Seokjin was holding your head in place, letting his hips do all the work. You groaned out, the vibrations on his cock almost sent him over the edge.

You knew he was close. In ragged breaths, he was saying how beautiful you were, how well you were taking his cock, how amazing you felt, and all the sweet nothings you often hear. However, when his thrusts turned messy, an indication that he was close, you shifted backwards and his beautiful cock fell out of your mouth.

"Fuck!" he cursed loudly, careening forward. He held your head in place for balance, not wanting to fall, worried he hurt you somehow. However, he was greeted with a teasing grin. "Payback, love," was all you said smugly.

You knew you shouldn’t have pushed his buttons that way. But you couldn't help it, knowing the wonderful outcome that awaits you.

He growled, anger flaring with every second that passed since you denied his release. "Bed. Now,” he muttered under his breath. You obliged at his command, though you did it slowly, never taking your eyes of him

This side of Seokjin rarely comes out to play. He was always worried he'd hurt you.

‘Yeah, that's the point,’ you snorted, recalling the memory of explaining what you wanted like he was 5.

Even still, this was a welcomed surprise. You made a mental note of how you pushed his buttons that day, hoping to recreate it in future events.

You were about to sit on the bed when you turned around, climbing on all fours instead, excited about what he would do to you.

“That’s not what I asked you to do, slut” he chuckled, waiting for you to get settled. You teased your ass, moving it closer towards his dick before pulling back.

You didn't anticipate the first slap, the sound of his palm hitting your skin filling the room. You moaned, wiggling your ass towards his face, eyes shining bright with lust.

"Ah- you like being spanked, huh?” Seokjin said, scratching his chin. “Who knew you'd this much of a slut."

You moaned at the word, loving when he said such mean things to you. Your knees buckled when the next smack wasn’t on your ass. He clicked his tongue as he watched your juices flow out from having your cunt smacked. Seokjin reached gingerly towards your clit, teasing it to ease the pain.

"Oh?" he said simply before smacking you again, this time back at your ass. He alternated between slapping your ass and your sopping cunt, the uncertainty of where the next pain would land causing you to see stars.

You whimpered and whined underneath him. Fully lying on your stomach, your ass no longer in the air. You held a pillow, moaning into it, praying the neighbors wouldn't complain about the noise. "J-Jin... please fuck me."

"Huh, I didn’t know this one could beg," he chuckled. The thought of him being with another slut left a twinge in your chest, but that jealousy subsided when he slapped you hard this time, snapping your mind from your thoughts. There was some shuffling behind you and you felt the tip of his cock on your entrance, Seokjin coating his erection with your juices.

"Shit- it's so slippery..." he said mockingly, "slipping" past your cunt. "I can't seem to get it in."

His teasing left you desperate, clinging so hard on to the pillow that your knuckles started to turn white. And just as you felt the anticipation was too much, Seokjin thrusted into you fully, his girth entering you all at once, not caring that you usually needed time to adjust to his cock.

Seokjin dragged you closer towards him, your legs off the bed. He held your neck down with his arm and thrusted hard into your cunt. Before long, you begged silently as your high approaches, hoping that this time your boyfriend would let you cum.

"Baby, I- I'm close."

"Are you now, sweetheart?" You nodded and whimpered at his question. Your voice was getting higher, moans filling your small bedroom.

And he stopped again.

You buried your face in the pillow to scream. You were so agonizingly close and he denied you just like that. Tears fall out of your eyes now, you hiccup and sob, glaring daggers at him.

Normal Seokjin would've scooped you into his arms, a myriad of apologies would spill from his mouth.

But not this time. Instead, he grabbed your hips with his muscular arms before flipping you over so you lay flat on the bed. His cock went back inside, thrusting slowly while he spun circles on your sensitive folds.

"Please-" You breathe in deep, trying to stabilize your hiccups.

"One more for me?" he asked. His voice low and husky.

You start shaking your head, pleading, no- you couldn’t do it again. You were begging him to let you cum. He continued his shallow thrusts and his attention on your clit. You sigh underneath him, overstimulated beyond belief.

"One more," he insisted and leaned close to your ear. "For one whole year of living together." He nibbled on the shell before moving down to your neck. "Please?" You moan when he sucked on the delicate flesh.

You melted into his embrace and nod. "One more."

Perhaps you should've considered longer. Perhaps it was your lust-addled brain that made you say yes. Perhaps you should not have fallen for his devilish charm. But it’s all too late now as he lay on the bed, and you climbed over him.

"Mmph..." you moan, throwing your head back while you grind your pussy on his cock. You snuck a glance below only to find seeing your boyfriend drowning in pleasure.

You leaned forward and bumped your forehead with his. Seokjin's eyes open gently. He pants quietly as he cups your face, gently stroking it with his thumb. An angelic smile spreads upon his face, love and affection in his eyes. You whined as you continue riding him, trying to chase your own high while helping him with his, picking up the pace.

You were still moving a bit too slowly for his liking so he thrusted his hips to match your movements. It sent shivers down your spine and you moan deliciously.

"Baby, I can't- ah- Jin..." you pant, bouncing and grinding on his cock, just then realizing how close you actually were. You expected the stop, but it didn't make it any easier. Your boyfriend stopped his movements and held your hips firm, causing your body to convulse.

Seokjin sat up quickly, hugging and kissing your face profusely. "You did such a good job, ______." he said, his apologies in the form of kisses. He tucked a stray hair behind your ear. "You were so pretty bouncing on my cock like that."

You sigh and smiled weakly at him, "Can I rest?" you asked meekly.

You hear him genuinely laugh. His friends always said that his laugh sounded like windshield wipers. But to you, it sounded like wind chimes dancing in the summer.

Seokjin grabbed you and laid you down on the bed gently. He turned to his side and stroked your hair. You faced him, a content smile on your face as you also stroke his cheek.

"I love you."

The sudden confession made you halt. You knew Seokjin meant it. However, he does not say I love you very often. He shows his love with physical touch and "have you eaten?" questions that make you feel so happy he cared. But hearing him say he loved you almost made you cry. Almost. You had enough tears for the day.

"I love you too, darling."

You scoot closer to kiss him, tongue asking permission to enter. He groans when they collide. Your spare hand moved down and stroked his softening cock gently but he sprung up instantly.

"I kinda blue-balled you, sorry," you broke the kiss sheepishly. Seokjin just chuckled and continued the kiss, moving on top of you.

“Are you okay for more?” he asked, back to his usual self.

You nodded enthusiastically.

His cock slid in effortlessly, your pussy already wet and stretched out enough to take him in without any discomfort. Pleasure caused your body to groan. You wanted so badly to come.

He held up both your legs and toyed with your clit. He was able to thrust easily into you. He started out slow, making sure that you were actually okay before it turned manic, his cock going in and out of you with such force.

You whined when his thumb pushed harder on your clit, feeling your walls clench at his huge dick.

His cock going deeper and deeper inside you combined with him touching your clit was all it took. You were suddenly right there, at the edge of pleasure before you snap. You yell his name, your voice getting increasingly higher. You look at him with desperate eyes.

"Cum on my cock, ____," he groaned, marveling at how tight you were getting.

He kept the pace and soon, you were moaning his name, your juices creaming his cock. You loved being filled. You were so full as your walls clenched around him.

A few more hard thrusts and he joined you in pleasure. "Ah- _____," he moaned out as your walls were painted white. You winced when you thought Seokjin was going to fall on top of you, though he caught himself at the last second.

He slid out of you with a hiss and ran to get a towel to clean you up. After he was done, the towel was placed in the laundry basket, along with all the clothes that were discarded from the floor. You roll your eyes, knowing how neat your boyfriend was.

He plopped right next to you and you cuddled closer, throwing an arm over his muscled abdomen.

"Hi," he sighed out in bliss, tucking another strand of hair behind your ear. "Happy one year anniversary of living together, my dear."

His head dipped towards your and you both nuzzle your nose at each other. "Happy one year, Jin."

"So," he started, clearing his throat. "I can tell you liked getting spanked. Push my buttons some more and maybe it'll happen more often," he laughed at his own comment., waggling his eyebrows at your direction.

This time, it was you who were at a loss for words. You shook your head, rolling your eyes before snuggling so close to him. You found the perfect spot on his chest, as always, pulling the blankets towards the both of you.

He removed himself from underneath you and stared seriously into your eyes. "I know I don't say it enough,"-- you smiled as you notice his ears turning red again-- "but I meant what I said. I do, love you, ____." He held your gaze and you found the strength to sit up slightly to kiss him.

"I know, Jin. This was enough. You are enough."

You've never seen him so giddy and he kissed your forehead again, finally settling down.

"Good night, Kim Seokjin. I’ll clean the food in the morning," you say drowsily.

"Don’t worry, let me get it. Good night, soon-to-be Kim _____," he whispered. You heard the comment but you were tired to ask what he meant. In the morning, you thought to yourself. I'll deal with that in the morning.

When you finally slept, soft snores filling the room, Seokjin got up, carefully detangling him from your arms. You protest slightly but rolled over, not waking up. He padded softly to the kitchen to put the food away. Washing his hands, he looked to the bedroom once more to make sure you were indeed asleep, before opening his briefcase.

Inside, there was a small blue box and Seokjin opened it gingerly, fearing the worst. He sighed in relief as the band reflected a light coming from outside, still intact even though he dropped it earlier. He closed the small box and placed it back in his briefcase.

Seokjin came back to the room to find you had gotten up, hands rubbing your eyes. “Where did you go?”

“Bathroom and grabbed a glass of water,” he lied casually, praying that you didn’t see anything, his heart hammering in his chest.

You mumbled something and he sighed in relief, putting on a pair of boxers before snuggling you close, kissing your forehead.

All characters depicted in this fic are 18+ and fictional.

Any resemblance is just a work of fiction.

All rights © bangtanhome.tumblr.com

Posted on 04.13.2021 at 11:11am GMT+7.

[butwhyduh]

Hi! Can I request 'First Apartment' with Tim Drake? Like maybe be and reader are trying to get it on while moving but bat family appears because the want to help and/or see theirs new place? Whatever floats your boat rly. Just plz can I have some Tim content :)?

I love our boy Timbo 💕

Warning:smut, bra ripped

The keys entering the door and turning the lock sounded heavenly. It felt like freedom and ownership. As Tim gently turned the handle, he stopped in front of you. You looked at him a little confused.

“What?” You asked and he gave you a shy smile as he shoved the keys in his pocket.

“Hold on,” he grabbed behind your knees and back to pick you up bridal style. You grabbed at his arm.

“Tim!” You yelped and he laughed before walking you into the room sitting you down on your feet inside.

“I’d lay you on furniture but they’re kinda hard to get to,” he admitted. Boxes made a maze to the couch and chair. The apartment was way nicer than anything you’d ever considered but it wasn’t surprising that Tim Drake-Wayne could afford a fancy place. A nice penthouse apartment in a relatively safe area of town had a drop level living room, open airy stainless steal kitchen and a giant master bedroom with a walk in shower and jacuzzi.

“We’ll get to work on that tomorrow. Look at the view,” you said looking at the dying light of a sunset. The city of Gotham almost looked hopeful in the amber light. Tim wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and rested his chin on your shoulder. You could feel his body warmth and smell his soft cologne. You felt secure.

“I’m glad you like it. The view really sold me on the place,” he said in your ear. He swayed you both side to side. Of course he had many strategic reasons for the place including security and privacy. There had been a whole spreadsheet to his decision. He hadn’t stressed you about the 25 places he inspected but showed 3 equally perfect choices.

“And I thought it was the easy commute to your work and my university,” you quipped.

“That’s a bonus. But the fact that I can stand in my living room without my brothers interrupting us right now is pretty nice too,” he said with a kiss to your neck.

“Definitely a bonus. It’s like they knew when we were kissing. Every time,” you said leaning your head back to expose your neck more. Tim hummed in agreement against your skin. His lips pressed soft kisses along your skin. His fingers slid up your shirt to make circles on your stomach. You gasped and grabbed his hair as he nipped a sensitive spot on your collar.

The door bell rang. Tim groaned before walking to the door. He opened it to see Barbara and Dick standing at the door, Dick’s hand was casually thrown over her shoulder. They looked like a pair of models and must be very conspicuous when seen together. Dick offered Tim a bottle of wine. “Hey Timbo, we thought we’d come congratulate you guys. Hey Y/n,” He waved. You nodded back.

“Do you both want to come in?” Tim offered, always a gentleman. Dick walked in and looked around. Barbara gave you a light hug before coming in.

“Look at the view! This is a little nicer than my first place in Bludhaven,” Dick laughed. Tim sat the wine on the counter.

“Your first place in Bludhaven was terrifying. I could smell the crime walking in. You didn’t have to travel far for patrol,” Barbara laughed.

“It was a nice place on a rookie cop pay,” he defended himself. Barbara rolled her eyes.

“This place will be cute when it’s fixed up,” Barbara said. While Dick was looking at the place, Barbara took a look at you and Tim. Tim’s hair was messy and cheeks and lips pink. You looked similarly flushed.

“Dickie, let’s give them space. They’ll probably want to start unpacking,” Barbara said. She gave him a wink. Dick looked confused for a second before it clicked.

“Yeah, we can visit again later,” Dick said with a little smile as he walked to the door. “Congrats on the place. And don’t forget protection,” he said quickly before he and Barbara left. Tim flushed a deep red.

“Well at least they left,” you said grinning. Tim rolled his eyes. “And wine!”

“Yeah. I mean, we’re 19 and a cop gave us wine but it’s nice,” Tim said walking over to you again. “But I’d rather tap something else instead of that bottle,” he muttered under his breath.

You gasped and giggled. “Tell me what you really want, Timmy.” You wrapped your arms around his neck. His blue eyes were always so intense that sometimes you could see him thinking. Tim’s big brain always took your breath away when he’d finally tell you what he was thinking.

“You’re happy right? Psychologically, moving is the 3rd most stressful life event most people have, statistically,” he said quietly. He looked at you like you were the sun. He held your waist gently and your faces were only a few inches from each other.

“I’m very happy. You make me so happy,” you said softly. He relaxed visibly and kissed you gently. Tim reached a hand up to caress your cheek. He pulled back a fraction.

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Tim said. His face searched yours for a reaction. You shyly smiled and leaned up to catch his lips. He held the back of your neck and waist tightly as he deepened the slow kiss. It was not rushed or in lust. It felt like he wanted you to feel appreciated and treasured.

“TT. Father, we should have waited another day to visit. Though luck because leaving the door unlocked was an ill advised choice, Drake,” droned the younger Wayne brother. You pulled away from Tim and looked to see Bruce Wayne and Damian Wayne standing in the doorway. Bruce had the slightest upturn of his lips. Tim glared at Damian.

“Knocking works. And the door bell,” Tim said.

“I was testing your security system. Everything appears functional except human error of an unlocked door. You should take mind of that particularly as your partner is insufficient at self defense,” Damian stated looking around. You gave Damian a mirthless smile.

“Damian,” Bruce said and the boy quieted. “This is a good apartment. I designed it myself some time ago. The sunset through the full window was a design feature. I hope you both enjoy it.”

“Thanks, Bruce,” Tim said rubbing his neck, knowing that was basically a hug and love you from a non-emotionally constipated parent.

“It’s really nice, Mr Wayne. I didn’t know you did architecture,” you said watching Damian who was now inspecting the wall and window seals.

“Occasionally I have spent time personally designing certain buildings. Especially when I plan to give them to one of my boys. This is yours, Tim. The name transfers to yours on Monday,” Bruce said walking around the room and purposefully not looking at Tim. You looked at him in shock.

“The whole building,” you asked faintly.

“Yes. Tim is an adult. I built this as an investment piece. We can talk revenue stream and care on Monday but I assure you that it is quite profitable. I’ve done this for each of my boys as they’ve moved out as adults. Dick has a building downtown and Jason insisted on an entire block in the Narrows that is now a non-profit clinic and homeless shelter. I have others for my other children as well,” Bruce said.

“Thank you, Bruce,” Tim said and he gave Bruce a half hug.

“Of course, as the blood son I get the manor,” Damian said with a smirk.

“You’re the blood son? Never heard that one,” Tim said rolling his eyes.

“In many years. I’m still using the manor, Damian,” Bruce said and you swore you saw him rolling his eyes at Tim.

“You can still use it as long as you want. It will just be in my name at the earliest convenience,” Damian started. Bruce laughed.

“Absolutely not,” he said. “Let’s get going. They probably want to be alone in their new apartment.”

Damian gave a look. “Lock the door, Drake. No point in top point Wayne security if you leave the door open.”

“Yeah I know,” Tim said with a fake smile.

“Thanks for stopping by!” You called after them. Damian locked the door on the way out.

“Finally!” Tim said. You laughed. “Where were we earlier?” He pulled you into a deep kiss and any questions you had about owning a freaking building was lost. He grabbed at your hips and pulled you tight. You moaned as he nipped at your neck. Tim pushed you against the island in the kitchen. He slid his hands underneath your sweater before turning you away from him. You were bent at the waist over the counter.

“Timmy,” you breathed as he kissed your neck and palmed your breasts under your sweater. He hummed against your skin while grinding on your ass.

“Woah, Timbers,” came a voice from the bedroom. You yelped. Jason and one of his outlaw friends stood in the doorway. Tim quickly pulled his hands from in your shirt and pulled the fabric down. He didn’t let you go as he had a massive erection by this point but he basically covered your body with his arms, the best he could. You turned and buried your head in his neck. It was one thing to be seen kissing and another groping over a kitchen counter.

“What the fuck, Todd,” Tim asked mentally planning to change all locks and updating security. He glared at his brother.

“Just thought I’d bring over a housewarming gift,” Jason said with a 6 pack of beer in his hand. His friend showed off another pack and a bag of chips. “We’ll leave and come back another time,” he said with a big grin. Tim noticed that they didn’t leave the food or drink but instead went back to the secondary elevator in the bathroom. “I’ll lock this for you. Don’t forget protection,” Jason said with a wink.

“Bye,” Tim said forcefully. Jason and his friend laughed and left via the elevator. “I’m checking every lock in here.”

He walked around the apartment, checking every lock just as he promised. He came back to you with a look of hunger in his eyes. Tim roughly kisses you before all but pushing you to the bedroom where he pressed you on the bed.

“Oof,” you made the soft sound as you bounced on the mattress. Before you could get your barings, Tim kissed at your neck. Normal you’d complain about him marking you so roughly but the sensation was amazing. He quickly threw off your shirt and continued marking down your chest. His fingers fiddled with the strap of your bra before just ripping the thin fabric.

“Timothy!” You gasped. He grinned up at you before taking your nipple in his mouth. You moaned and grabbed at his hair. You pulled at his tie and dress shirt. Tim pulled away and quickly shoved them off. He might have even popped a button or two. You ran your hands along his bare chest feelings the muscles underneath. He unbuttoned and with a hook, yanked both your pants and underwear off in a smooth movement. You gasped at his eagerness. He never acted this way.

Tim hand slid up your thighs to play with your folds as he kissed you. You all but panted against his lips. You pulled at his belt and he leaned away for a second to roughly shove his pants and boxers down his legs.

“Where are the condoms?” He said, palming himself.

“No need. Birth control,” you answered and he groaned with a look similar to pain. Tim climbed over you again. He sunk in slowly.

“Holy shit you’re wet,” he said. You really were but the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he had sex without a condom had more to do with it. Tim grabbed your hips to ground himself.

“Please... move,” you whined. He started slowly. It was agonizing on your end. Tim reached between your legs to rub your clit. He wasn’t going to last long but he’d was damned if he didn’t want you to finish first. After getting his baring, he started moving faster.

The sounds you made were magical and it sped him faster and harder. You moaned into his mouth as he roughly kissed you deeply. His tongue possessive lay swept in your mouth. Tim could feel you tightening around him and your sounds growing louder. You weren’t going to last long. You clenched around him tightly in release. He grunted and thrust roughly before cumming. He moved through both of your highs before stopping.

Tim’s forehead rested on yours and his weight laid on your body. You could feel his heart pounding roughly. “Tim, you’re heavy,” you protested. He rolled off to beside you.

Tim pulled you on his chest and kissed your lips gently. “I’m so glad you moved in with me. Our place.”

You smiled and stared at his perfectly blue eyes. “Our place,” you said kissing his cheek.

[bodyinthebog]

ok here’s something for @blaseballwipamnesty - have ~1k of angst about margarito nava, captain for the boston flowers. i wrote this around four seasons ago, so it’s pretty out-of-date for the canon.

cw: death mention, some body horror, swearing.

/////

There’s so few of them left, the originals. 

Both across the league and on the Flowers, players traded, transferred, incinerated until entire teams are replaced.

It’s been hard for Margarito not to become numb, if xe is honest. Only three Flowers have been in play since the Return, and they’ve all lost so much. 

Ace watched his child be incinerated. Of all the times Margo had to be late.

(Margo never told him this: before the fire connected, Moses had turned to Margo, a hand outstretched. Her mouth was a grimace of pain and terror, muscles clenched and nails tearing into her palms. But her eyes - her eyes were pure static. They were cold even before the flame reached them.)

Margo occasionally tries to talk to fans about the early players - Isaac, Hurley, even Cali - and the response is noncommittal at best. Other times, their faces show confusion, skepticism, maybe humming in feigned curiosity. 

“Oh, yes, Pacheco - wait, don’t you mean the player for the Pies? Poor soul, a massive shame what happened to them.”

Xe wants to grip their shoulders, to shake them until they remember. It’s not yet been twenty years - xe still remembers training with Beck, or working behind the bar whilst Hurley arranged flowers for a celebration.

On the worst nights, when Margo is yet again behind the bar at Margaritoville (always, always, never changing), xe watches the footsteps of Silvaire, or Zesty, and thinks about the ash they are tracking in; remnants from too many games played under an unnatural sun. Ash embedded into sneakers and souls. Shit, xe’s getting poetic in xir old age. 

The Flowers hold the record for the most number of incinerations. Is it luck? Divine hatred? Hell, Margo had even heard of a ‘curse’ on the team back in the early seasons - when Cali and Beck were incinerated and feedbacked within a few months of each other; when three players got incinerated in the same season.

The newer players have mentioned the curse as well - Scores, Salih, Zesty, the others. Even Nagomi Mcdaniel had groused about the “fuckin’ Flowers curse”. Scores had created spreadsheets - spreadsheets - about incineration rates and feedback chances and who knows what else. She had been so proud, and so enthusiastic, when she showed them to Margo, wheelchair skidding around with her computer close to falling off her lap.

It took all Margo had not to snap at her. Her friends were not just numbers.

They can’t be cursed. Who pays enough attention to Boston to care?

/////

The Moss Woman was no help, as usual.

She came to Margo on a summer’s evening, when the air was just beginning to bite with cold and the sky was just barely light. The Flowers had been kicked out of the playoffs yet again, so the team was back in Boston.

(Over in Charleston, a shelled god is descending on a terrified crowd, unexpected and unpracticed opponents standing alone. But that’s another story.)

Xe sat at the edge of a lake in the Garden, xir legs crossed and xir hand dipped in the water - the left one, the one beginning to tinge with green. There was a small flower-bud on the palm of that hand; Margo wondered often what it will become. Xe doesn’t mind these changes, necessarily - the Flowers have always been tied to their namesake, and what’s another step further. Everything returns to the ground, to ash, eventually. At least the Garden is not a possessive god - who knows, they could be the Crabs.

“Margarito.” Her voice came from behind, and above. It emanated from the lake, and the grass xe sat on, and the bud in xir hand. The night air seemed to still suddenly, what little wind there was falling silent.

“Be nice.” Margo muttered in response, head slumped against xir chest.

A gentle laugh. “Darling, I say what I must.”

The next moment, there was a presence on the grass next to xir. Margo didn’t turn xir head, instead looking up, as if trying to find the oncoming stars. 

“What do you seek, Margarito?”

Margo paused for a moment, drawing xir hand up from the lake. “Something’s coming, isn’t it.” There’s a defeated tone in xir voice.

Xe can hear the shrug in the Moss Woman’s voice. “It always is. Always has been.”

A pause. Somewhere in the undergrowth, a bird cawed a final goodnight to the day.

“Why do you let them go?” Margo’s voice cracked involuntarily.

She replied immediately. “I don’t have a choice.” 

“But Cali still lives. I understand why you favour her, yet -”

The Moss Woman laughed, yet again. This time it was bitter, tinged with resignation and resentment. “Margarito, I do not favour her. Our dear lotus is destined for something beyond this garden, I am afraid. Her fate is quite out of my hands.”

As if on cue, a lotus bloomed next to them, pink leaves vibrant in the setting sun. Margo snorted. Trust Cali to be listening.

“The Flowers have never gone this long without an incineration.” Xe said.

“It’s only been three seasons, Margarito.” Her tone was almost mournful.

Margo placed her hands behind xir, leaning back to face the sky. “That’s just it. Three fucking seasons. We shouldn’t have to live in fear.”

/////

They make it longer without any incinerations, surprisingly. The Flowers pass the Grand Siesta in Boston and in peace, players returning to their families. Years pass with the occasional meet-up; the occasional training session. Beck returns for a while - she disappears into the Garden, a vine wrapped around her wrist. When she talks to Margo, their conversations are stilted. Uncertain.

Beck led a team constantly facing incineration. Margarito runs one haunted by it.

Margo remains at the bar, as xe has done for the past decade. 

The Coffee Cup comes as a welcome break, all things considered. Xir team, Macchiato City do moderately well, and it was good to play opposite Jacob for once.

It’s when xe is attempting to call Castillo that something interesting happens. The phone rings for longer than Castillo usually lets it - even if he is not the most engaging speaker, Margo needs to hear a familiar voice. The Garden feels empty.

“Hello? Turner is unavailable at the moment, can I take a message?” A posh, slightly accented voice speaks from the other end of the line.

“Oh - no, it’s alright. Just tell him to call me back.”

“Will do. This is Thomas Dracena speaking, from the Millenials - you’re Margarito Nava, right? From the Flowers?”

Margo laughs. “Yeah, that’s me. Thanks, Thomas.”

“Of course, Margarito. I’ll tell Castillo you called.”

[ezm-imagines]

A Business Deal: Part Three - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Mafia Boss!Bucky

Word Count: 1.7k

Chapter: 3/10

Warnings: language

Masterlist :: Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four- Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten: Epilogue

A/N: What have yall done to me. An innocent one shot will now become a full 10 part series. Why.

——————————————

“Hey Alexa,” you called out to the amazon.com robot, staring Barnes down fiercely as he stepped into your office and leaned against the dark wood of the door, “How do I get rid of an unwanted visitor? Or, better yet, how do I get rid of myself?”

Barnes just shook his head, “Oh, you won’t be getting rid of me any time soon, sweetheart. I believe we have a lifetime’s worth of a deal in front of us.”

“End me now,” you rolled your eyes.

“No can do. Instead, I believe I will be taking you out for dinner tonight. Table for two at The Asgardian; it’s all prepared.”

“And you were planning to tell me... when? Before or after I scheduled all my meetings and appointments for the day?”

“Oh, come on, spontaneity is romantic.”

“Since when do you give two shits about romantic? You kidnapped me last week.”

“Eh, water under the bridge. But whaddaya say?”

“I say no thanks, I’m busy,” you looked back down to the spreadsheets before you.

“Would you be a little less busy if I tell you I talked to Rogers?” He revealed, raising one eyebrow.

“When you say talk, do you mean you went out for beers last night and acted like bros?”

“It’s besides the point what we did,” he brushed off, though maybe more because that wasn’t what they had actually been doing, “It’s what was said. I got an agreement from him.”

“For what, to get you a new brain?”

“Noo,” he set his jaw slightly with annoyance, “An eviction notice. He’s headed out of the US.”

“Bullshit,” you huffed, returning to your work.

“I’m serious. He’s gonna transfer everything to Europe.”

You put down your pen, “And how on earth would you have swung that?”

He shrugged a shoulder, “Don’t worry about it.”

“That only makes me more worried.”

“I just... cashed in an old favor,” his fingers toyed with the items on your desk.

You crossed your arms, “You’re a terrible liar.”

He frowned at you.

“Look, Barnes, if we’re gonna be married, you might as well just be honest with me.”

He inhaled for a long moment and turned his head away, sliding his hands into his pocket, “I may have... said a few... threats.”

“What kind of threats?” You asked cautiously.

He pressed his mouth into a line and turned back to you, “Just the kind that get people out of town. Just drop it, okay? I worked it out; there’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Barnes, I don’t need a vendetta over my head with the CEO of a fast growing company worth millions. You gotta do better than that.”

“Look, Y/N, it’s not a big deal. I threatened him a little, but I set him up real nice in Europe. I have some cousins over there, real high up, and they’ll find some great clients for him. He’ll do fine. I’ll make sure of it. But he’ll do fine just as long as he stays far away.”

“And what happens when he wants to branch out internationally? Or when we do? We already have a few buyers in Europe that you’re threatening, Barnes...”

“And there’s always gonna be another buyer that’s threatened! Come on, Y/N, I’ve freed up a whole fucking continent for you! Take it,” he leaned forward, urging you, “Sure, we might run into some problems in the future, but then I’ll figure it out when we get there. If I’m gonna be stuck with you for the rest of my life, then anything that happens to you will happen to me, too. Everything will work out fine. For now, just take this as it is.”

You sighed and looked down.

It was a little unbelievable that he was a permanent ally now. That you didn’t have to worry about sorting out every problem you had immediately while you still had something your client wanted. With him, you could take your time and work things out as they came.

You couldn’t quite wrap your head around it.

Or that Barnes was technically now... yours.

How was this the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with? How was this the man you’d wake up to everyday? How was this the man that might one day father your children?!

You didn’t even know anything about him! You didn’t know much about his work, or his friends, or his family, or hell, even himself! You didn’t know his hobbies or dislikes or interests or-

“I don’t even know your first name...” You whispered, the realization shocking you.

He blinked, “What?”

“God, how are we doing this? How are we getting married? I don’t even know your first name!” You cried out, covering your face in your hands. What had you done?!

He stepped forward and sat in the chair across from you, a little panicked with your emotion, “Hey. Look, I... I know I’m not great with this stuff. And I know I’m not the person you probably wanted. But like I said, we’re gonna figure it out.”

You nodded, though your distress didn’t lessen. Maybe you’d figure it out, but that didn’t mean you’d necessarily enjoy it, right? Just what had you tied yourself down to???

“And it’s James,” he admitted with a rueful half-smile after a few beats of silence.

You looked up at him, surprised, “What?”

“My first name. You wanted to know. It’s James.”

Amusement tugged at your lips and began washing some of your sadness away as you raised an eyebrow, “James?! The Winter Soldier who murders people in the blink of an eye without ever being caught is named James?!”

He bit the inside of his lip, fighting back a smirk, “Why do you think I never tell anyone?”

“Am I the only one who knows?”

“Eh, there’s a small handful of people who know me from childhood who do.”

You chuckled slightly, “James. James Barnes. That’s- wait,” you paused, “What’s your middle name?”

“Ooooh, no, you do not get to know that,” he answered firmly.

“I’m your fiancee!”

“And I will take that name with me to my grave!”

“Oh, no way, you have to tell me now! Does this mean it’s worse than James?!”

“Shut up.”

You thought for a moment, trying to think of a way to convince him to tell you. Your eyes widened and your face slipped into a grin, “I’ll kiss you if you tell me,” you bet, hoping it would work.

He scoffed, “You can’t just use kissing me to get what you want; not gonna work, doll. Besides, what makes you think I even want to kiss you?”

Oh really? Challenge accepted.

You leaned over your desk and grabbed his collar, pulling him into a searing kiss. You let out a little bit of a moan (obviously, to get the information out of him- not because you actually enjoyed it, duh) and let your tongue drag across his lips until slipping it into his mouth.

He growled lightly, though you couldn’t tell if it was because he was turned on by the kiss or if he was just pissed that you were trying to manipulate him like this. Probably both.

You pulled away, smiling smugly.

His face twitched with annoyance for a second before he exhaled and frowned, “Fine,” he grumbled, “It’s Buchanan.”

“Buchanan?!!!!!” You shrieked, “No fucking way, you were not seriously going to let me go my whole life without knowing that?! Are you serious?!!!”

He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

“No way, wait,” your eyes widened with an idea, “Can I call you Bucky?”

He sat up in his chair immediately, “Absolutely not!” He snapped.

“Pleeeaaseeee?”

He shook his head, “No, Y/N, it’s not gonna happen.”

You sighed, “Fine. But then what do you want me to call you?”

He frowned, never having thought about that. He was scanning his mind for an idea, before a small smirk cracked on his lips, “What about Your Highness?”

“Keep trying.”

“Worth a shot.”

He thought for a few moments more before giving up, “I don’t know.”

“Then Bucky is sounding like our only option here...”

His jaw set, but you pushed on.

“Aw, come on. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t wanna hear me shouting ‘Bucky’ on our honeymoon night,” you egged on, mischievously.

His eyes glinted and he chuckled, “Oh, sweetheart, that’s only assuming if you can last until honeymoon night. Trust me,” he lowered his voice, “You’ll want it to be sooner.”

You held back a grin at his confidence, but pressed on, “So, does that mean I get to use ‘Bucky’?”

He sighed, “You can do it once and only once. But you’re not allowed to use it in front of people. If we’re with company, you must call me Barnes. They don’t need to know my other names. Or, you could just call me a pet name, like ‘babe’ or ‘handsome’ or ‘Your Highness,’ ya know, the normal ones...” he bit back a smile at his own joke.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

“No, you know what, I’ve never heard that one before,” he teased.

“Well, be prepared to hear it a lot from me, because you are.”

“Mhmm...” he smiled lazily at you, before tapping his hands on the arm rests and standing up, “So. Why don’t you elaborate on why I’m such a piece of work at The Asgardian over steak and wine at 7 tonight?”

You bit your lip, thinking. You had been planning to go dinner with Wanda tonight, but maybe- just maybe- this might be a little more important.

“I’ll see what I can do” is all you said.

“Great, then I’ll see ya there,” he concluded, walking backwards out of the room.

You rolled your eyes playfully as he winked, before slipping out the door.

Ah, fuck this, and fuck the stupid grin on your face that you couldn’t fight off.

Maybe Barnes was a lot more dangerous in more things than just his work...

-----------------------

A/N: Sorry Part 3 took a few days, I’ve been trying to draft the rest of the chapters before I came back and did a final draft of this one. However, that means that I have rough drafts all the way to the epilogue, so hopefully the rest of the chapters can come sooner!

I think I’ve tagged everyone who asked! Let me know if you want to be added! <3

Tagged:  @gr8ness-sebstan @itzmegaaaaaaan @swtmckngbrd @kit-kat-katie99@cutie1365 @untoldshortsofthefandoms @chicthrill@crazybutconfidentaf@jessevans @laffers18 @kiwikriis @sebastixnstxn@failcdmothcr @holygaygal @bubbash125 @k-n-e @ria132love

[momentumgo]

Jennifer Schlichting

Animator + Illustrator https://www.jenniferschlichting.com/ Seattle, WA Age 32 She/Her

How did you get your start in motion design, animation, or whatever it is that you do?

I always knew I wanted to do something with computers and art. I've always loved drawing but didn't know how to marry the two. When I was 8, Toy Story came out and it immediately captured my imagination. As I grew older and realized what it took to create something like that I dreamed about working at Pixar one day. Long story short, I went to The Art Institutes of Minnesota and got a Bachelor's in Media Arts & Animation (which is now closed it was such a joke of a school). While I was there from 2007-2009 we had a few classes that dabbled in 3D Studio Max and Maya. I got to dive into 3D which was great, but it was such a painful user experience it put a huge damper on my desire to create 3D animation work of any kind.

After graduating in 2009 I moved back to my hometown in Iowa and had a hard time finding creative work of almost any kind (shocker, it's IOWA haha). I took a job as a bank teller to pay the bills and married my "high school sweetheart." A few years later I landed a job at one of Nordstrom's photo studios as a photo retoucher and lived in Photoshop all day making models and clothes look impossibly perfect. I also took the odd business card or logo design gig that came my way and fed my soul creatively by taking up painting with watercolor.

After six years in an abusive marriage, living paycheck to paycheck, having a toxic work environment, and my creative soul dying more every day I finally got up the guts to put an end to all of it. I divorced my husband, quit my job, and took everything that could fit in my SUV (including my cat) on a three day road trip across the country to move out to Seattle. I only knew a handful of people and had no job lined up, but I had a place to live for free for two months while I figured out what the heck I was going to do with my life next. That was enough for me. 

I landed a contract job at Amazon doing basic graphic design work for the next 7 months and the pay was (just barely) enough to land my first studio apartment in Seattle. Knowing my contract would be coming to an end soon I was keeping my eye out for my next gig the entire time. Not knowing many people in Seattle (let alone the motion design community) made it really difficult to get in anywhere at first. I found a local Adobe After Effects and Cinema 4D meetup group and started going every month to meet some of the community and pick their brains on how to break in. I started doing YouTube tutorials in my free time and revamping my portfolio.

One of the art directors at Amazon heard I was looking for my next gig and after she went through my portfolio with me she suggested that I read The 2 Hour Job Search. It gave great advice on how to get out of the black hole of submitting your job application online and never getting anywhere. I started going directly to people. My LinkedIn search began and the emails were flying out the door. I made a spreadsheet of all the studios in the greater Seattle area, what kind of work they did, the contacts I was making, what kind of jobs they were posting for, and got to work creating projects to put into my first reel since 2009. 

People were slowly starting to respond to my emails and accepting my offers to buy them coffee. I met so many lovely and helpful people (and a couple oddballs too haha). I asked what kind of work they were doing, how long their contracts usually were, what it was like to do animation work all day every day, what they were getting paid, and how tailoring their reel got them in the door doing the work they want to do.

One guy I met up with in particular (while I didn't know at the beginning of the conversation) was looking for a motion design intern to bring onto their small but mighty agency. By the end of our conversation he offered me the position! He had a passion for teaching and he could tell I was hungry to learn. While it didn't pay much, and was only a couple days a week I was able to put "motion design intern" on my resume while also working part-time doing graphic design work for a shoe and apparel company. I had just turned 30 and accepted an intern position, but was so thankful for company that didn't discriminate against age!

A few months later I heard back from a corporate telecommunications company I had applied to several months prior. They were interested in starting up an internal studio instead of outsourcing out all their work to agencies in town. I would be the first full-time creative on the team and had to be a unicorn. I knew a little video editing, some storyboarding, some motion design, some graphic design, and that was enough for them to offer me the position.

Fast forward two years and the team has grown to 20+ people and I've done everything from t-shirt design, graphic design, motion design, video editing, storyboarding, and deck design for massive conferences. It's not always fun or exciting animation work, but it pays the bills and afforded me a house in the crazy Seattle market.

How do you balance your work with your personal life? How do the two influence each other?

There have definitely been times when there are late nights at work but they seem to be fewer and farther between now that the studio is more established and they are working through better processes. I'm in by 9am and leave by 5pm most days. Weekend work is rare. We get two weeks paid vacation each year (and more the longer you stay with the company) as well. There is definitely more fun animation work in Seattle than what I'm doing currently but it's nice to have a steady paycheck and have time for personal projects on the side.

State your privilege – What circumstances may have helped or hindered you along the way?

I'm a white female born into a Midwest middle class family in the United States. I have a Bachelor's degree which was paid for in-part by my parents but I carried student debt until 2018 (thanks to my abusive first marriage-my ex refused to work for several years and insisted his "business ideas" would make us millions one day). I got out of debt myself by pulling myself up by my own bootstraps. The college I went to was not a great one and have learned so much more on my own since graduating than I ever did in college. I went to college full-time and year-round to graduate faster while also holding down three part-time jobs to help pay for college. It also saved me a ton of money every month after moving in with my now husband and paying only partial rent in Seattle.

I've always had gumption and a stubborn, never-give-up attitude. I was taught at a young age that I had to take responsibility for myself and my future and took that seriously. My parents weren't thrilled I wanted to go to an art college (and they had two more kids to put through college as well) but made a deal if I wanted to go I had to pay my own way. They took out the loan for me, but I paid it all back. I didn't have any scholarships but I made it work. I think it helped that I attended community college for two years before I transferred to The Art Institute and that lowered the tuition bill because of all the general education classes I took beforehand.

If you are a caretaker, how do you arrange your life so that you can achieve your professional goals while being responsible for others, (parents, children, etc.)?

My husband was a package deal and came with twin 9-year-old boys. We have them for a full week every other week. I'm not going to lie – it's a lot, even having them for an entire week haha! My husband and I both work full time but he has more flexibility when it comes to start/end times for his day and working from home. He drops the boys off and picks them up from school/daycare/camps/appointments/swim lessons/ etc. 

The weeks we don't have the boys we spend our nights and weekends taking care of housework and building our portfolios (he's a creative as well). We are also trying to be more aware of how we spend our time and shift more of it towards self-care and doing more fun things together vs. the never-ending "to-do" list all the time.

How have you learned to practice self-care? What do you do to take care of yourself?

This is something I'm still working on, haha! My husband does a great job reminding me to take time for myself, and we love to go out to eat, go to the beach, go for a hike, get massages, or paint and draw together. I've also recently swapped my hour+ commute to work where I would drive myself through Seattle traffic with now taking a corporate shuttle in. This has given me so much of my time back where I can read, draw on my iPad, or catch up on my favorite YouTubers.

I also love painting in my downtime (http://www.jenniferelizabethstudios.com/) which gives me a wonderful break from all the screen time and let's my hands do something tactile. There's no undo button with watercolors and I've accepted that and turned it into a more "zen-like experience" where I try not to control everything haha.

Just getting outside and into nature can be so refreshing. Even if it's a ten minute walk outside on my lunch break can do wonders for my mood. That, and getting 7-8 hrs of sleep/night! Oh, and making sure to take lunch breaks AWAY FROM MY DESK.

And snuggling with my purring cat never fails to make me feel better no matter what's going on in my life.

How do you define success? What would success look like for you?

Being happy and fulfilled with the life you're living. I've always liked the quote "Create a life you don't need a vacation from." Which, may be difficult to do but I think it's definitely something to aim towards.

Success isn't all dollar signs, but getting paid what I'm worth is definitely a win for me. Plus it's always nice being able to take people out to dinner and buy them nice Christmas presents. :)

On another note, I always feel successful when other people reach out wanting to chat and hear about my experience thus far. Whether it's people looking to shift gears slightly or change career tracks entirely it always makes me feel happy and successful when I can help someone out with any lessons or things I've learned along the way.

What advice do you have for those just starting out?

Take advantage of all the resources online! There was almost none of that ten years ago when I was starting out.

Don't be afraid to reach out to people. You never know where it'll lead. :)

Leave your ego at the door and don't be a jerk. Nobody wants to work with a jerk.

Never stop learning.

Look for jobs with titles other than "motion designer." Currently my title is "Communication Design Manager". LOL . Read the job descriptions to see if there will be animation work involved! Sometimes companies don't know what to call us.

Some great inspirational and informational resources to check out:

-Design for Motion: Fundamentals and Techniques of Motion Design by Austin Shaw

-The Freelance Manifesto: A Field Guide for the Modern Motion Designer

-The 2-Hour Job Search

-Real Artists Don't Starve by Jeff Goins

-Show Your Work! by Austin Kleon

-Broad Strokes: 15 Women Who Made Art and Made History (in that order) by Bridget Quinn

-The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

-In the Company of Women by Grace Bonney

-Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

-Creative Pep Talk by Andy Miller

[leadsourcing]

A man hacked 16 NASA computers, what he found is beyond chilling | Ancient Code

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Between February 2001 and March 2002 Gary McKinnon,  who was initially looking for evidence of free energy suppression and a cover-up of UFO activity and other technologies potentially useful to the public, hacked into 16 NASA computers as well as dozens of US Army, Navy, Air Force, and Department of Defense computers. The Americans believed he had caused $800,000 (£487,000) worth of damage to computers.

In the last decade, countless whistleblowers have come forward arguing that there are shady organizations within world governments that have been operative under extreme secrecy.

Declassified documents—made available thanks to the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA)—have given unprecedented insight into top secret programs that were previously considered as just another ‘conspiracy theory’.

Curiously, many former astronauts have made intriguing comments in regards to alien life.

I suspect that in the last 60 years or so, that there has been some back-engineering and the creation of this type of equipment, which is not nearly as sophisticated yet as what the apparent visitors have.” –Dr. Edgar Mitchell, the sixth astronaut, to walk on the Moon.

Interestingly, thanks to statements from former astronauts and government officials, these subjects have slowly transitioned from being a conspiracy theory, to ‘real accusations’ backed up by information.

Senator Daniel K. Inouye said: “There exists a shadowy government with its own Air Force, its own Navy, its own fundraising mechanism, and the ability to pursue its own ideas of the national interest, free from all checks and balances, and free from the law itself.”

One of the best quotes regarding alien life and ‘their’ presence comes from Paul Hellyer, Former Canadian Defense Minister, and the man responsible for combining the Canadian Air Force, Army, and Navy into one united force, known as the Canadian Forces. Mr. Hellyer said:

“Decades ago, visitors from other planets warned us about where we were headed and offered to help. But instead, we, or at least some of us, interpreted their visits as a threat and decided to shoot first and ask questions after… Trillions, and I mean thousands of billions of dollars have been spent on projects about which both the Congress and the Commander in Chief have been kept deliberately in the dark.” (Source)

But quotes are one thing, where’s the evidence?

According to a man who—somehow—managed to hack into NASA and U.S. Navy computers, all statements from different whistleblowers about secretive space programs, highly classified technologies, and even alien life are correct.

Between February 2001 and March 2002 Gary McKinnon,  who was initially looking for evidence of free energy suppression and a cover-up of UFO activity and other technologies potentially useful to the public, hacked into 16 NASA computers as well as dozens of US Army, Navy, Air Force, and Department of Defense computers.

Gary McKinnon—the man who hacked NASA—firmly states that he uncovered evidence that the United States has a fully operational fleet of Space Warships. In a new interview on UFO channel Richplanet TV, McKinnon finally reveals the entire truth about his findings saying: ‘I kept going for months and months.  (Check out the full interview here)

I kept thinking, ‘They’re going to close this door’. I scanned and looked for documents, I found an Excel spreadsheet which said, ‘Non-terrestrial officers’, states McKinnon.

‘It had ranks and names. It had tabs for ‘material transfer’ between ships.

‘I took that to be, they must have ships based in space – the names started with U.S.S.’

Gary McKinnon is accused of mounting the biggest ever hack in the history of the United States by breaking into the computers of the Army, Air force, Navy and NASA.

Furthermore, the NASA hacker claims that he uncovered around 25 rows of details of officers’ ranks, names and ships accordingly.

McKinnon firmly argues that the ‘secret space fleet’ has WARSHIPS with prefix USS, just like all vessels belonging to the USA.

In 2005, McKinnon told the Guardian, “Once you’re on the network, you can do a command called NetStat – Network Status – and it lists all the connections to that machine. There were hackers from Denmark, Italy, Germany, Turkey, Thailand… every night for the entire five to seven years I was doing this”.

But are these just empty claims? Is this just a massive conspiracy?

Even Obama discussed McKinnon:

According to retired Aerospace Engineer William Tompkins “Thousands, thousands, not just a few, thousands of people have joined the Navy here in the United States. They joined the Space Navy. They signed up for a 20-year tour. So these folks, men, and women were given a lot of examinations and a lot of information on what they were going to need. Many of them went to the Moon, our Moon, and facilities there and got checked out and organized and established where is the best place they’re going to go, what their criteria is going to be, what major area they’re going to develop, like what class in the university. And then they get sent to a Mars facility for a short time.”

Thompson and McKinnon aren’t the only two who’ve spoken out about a secret space fleet.

‘Secret Space Program whistleblower Corey Goode’ said that “Mars was first visited by the Germans as far back as the 1930s, but during the 70s, US space programs were actively exploring Mars and other planets to establish bases. In 1980 the US SSP became – Solar Warden. Under Project Solar Warden vast development and colonization occurred on Mars and other planets. Goode continues, “Bases on Mars were built under the surface.”(Source)

In addition to Goode, a former NASA employee claimed there were secret manned missions to Mars over 20 years ago. In an interview with Coast-to-Coast AM, a woman by the name of ‘Jackie’ talked about humans on Mars, something that has been discussed among other alleged NASA employees for years; ‘…Then I saw two men in space suits – not the bulky suits we normally used, but they looked protective. They came over the horizon walking to the Viking Explorer…’

So what’s your verdict, fact of fiction?

Some would say it’s all a massive conspiracy, and quotes, information and declassified documents were taken out of context but, the truth is that there is plenty of stuff which makes it hard to tell.

Many would agree that there is abundant evidence which points—at least partially—that society has not been told everything there is about UFOs, Alien life, and extremely advanced technology.

Source

https://www.ancient-code.com/a-man-hacked-16-nasa-computers-what-he-found-is-beyond-chilling/

[interrogatormentors]

Event Two: Straight Flush

CA: if thats howw shits gotta be i get it CA: i really do CA: just lettin you knoww youre gonna regret this. CA: and by the time you realize wwhat a fuckin mistake youvve made in pushin me awway CA: ill be far beyond your reach

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] has left the memo! --

By this point in Eridan Ampora’s life, he knew space as lonely and fickle. He knew that the gaps between stars yawned millennia, and trolls at the top clawed and stabbed each other in the back at every opportunity. As a graduate of the Fleet Academy, Eridan knew this very well. What he hadn’t been prepared for was all the fucking paperwork.

Eridan stared at the blinking cursor on the scheduling spreadsheet in front of him, but no matter how hard he crossed his eyes the numbers never started making sense. As a well-established Dreadnought Condescension team, the DC Reichenbach’s crew all possessed equally established habits and schedules. Needless to say they didn’t take too kindly to an uppity new Head Admin coming in and shuffling shit around.

Eridan leaned back in his chair, lifting his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. The ship had one of its usual hiccups then, the lights flaring as an energy shift took place. Wonderful. With his free hand Eridan fumbled for the intercom button. “Get back in the helm, Riesse.”

After a pause a light blinked on the callbox at Eridan’s side, indicating an incoming call. “Yo, it’s been a perigee. Use my name or I riot,” said Riesse.

“Oh, funny, I can’t see Shakes anywhere on your file Riesse.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Errrridan.”

Eridan rested his head on his desk, staring at the floor as he tried to gather himself.

“Shakes. You’ve got a break from the helm tomorrow, we can’t keep usin’ antimatter engines like this. You know that the maintenance for it costs a fuckin’ fortune-”

“Mmmmyeah we can,” Riesse or Shakes or whatever the fuck that fucking brown’s name was. Eridan was tired of battling about it, but he still felt an obligation to protest. “I got shit to do with Bricks.”

“And the captain, and the Chief Intelligence Officer,” Eridan said. Further slouching caused his glasses to slip right off his nose onto the floor. “You can’t all take a break at the same time every week.”

“Yeah, we can,” said Shakes. “God, haven’t you ever heard of like, free time and social bonding? You should join us sometime. Bricks’ got a rad as hell campaign set up and Illhal said she might be transferring. We’ve got an open spot. Table’s big enough for one mooore. Loosen up, holy shit.”

Eridan hung up the call. “Uppity fuckin’ mudfucker,” he said, picking up his glasses from the floor. “Oh wow, let’s just stick a bulge in the captain, get free breaks just whenever.” 

Ever since the helming techs had come out with mobile helmsman upgrades, highbloods who had quadrants with psionic lowbloods were crawling all over it. Some lowblood sympathetic fleet captains and helming techs and docterrors had written essays about the benefits of this new technology, which boasted alleged benefits such as increased helmsman longevity and better synchronization to the ship’s systems. The technology actually meant that those lowbloods with highblood quadrants were guaranteed the ability to move if their quads got their own ship and the rank of fleet captain, and it also meant that said lowbloods came with a hefty pair of globes to match.

Eridan tried to assure himself that he shouldn’t have been surprised. The Reichenbach’s captain was a piece of work to say the least, and her matesprit was such a cocky bastard with no respect for his blood superiors. As blood equals, with Captain Nekara as his superior in age and rank, Eridan kept his mouth shut to humor her smug piece of shit matesprit who jittered with ridiculous amounts of excess psionic energy.

Eridan’s palmhusk started beeping then, letting him know about breaktime, and he cast a defeated look to the stark and empty crew schedule. Normally he’d just work through his break, considering he never had other obligations. This time, he tried something new.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 2022A, caligulasAquarium, apocalypticTreeswing, circuitryCloser, torpidAnnihilator! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 40 viewers of this game.]

AT: aw (fuck) aw beans aw no AT: playing with (fucking) TA?????? CC: hhehhe get wrekt dood CA: wwhat CA: do you knoww each other AT: nah dude’s a (damn) bot or whatever and wins every (fucking) time AT: shoot i wanted to bet money on this match too CC: just bet on TA man CC: thhey’re like always online ur going to make a hHELLA profit AT: my pride tho CA: wwhat pride AT: DUDE :*C

Poker didn’t seem too labor intensive, especially when Eridan could theoretically still work on the schedule on the other monitor. As time progressed he instead found that the match he’d gotten roped into took all his focus after the user torpidAnnihilator wiped the floor with all of them as apocalypticTreeswing had warned. Users could theoretically stay for infinite matches, and so a rematch began.

TA won again.

And again.

Over and over TA called bluff after bluff, and unveiled hand after winning hand after intimidating everyone else, even as AT and CC left and were replaced by other users. Each user expressed dismay at seeing TA there, but something in Eridan had been awoken.

He needed to win. So he kept playing even as his break ended, eyes flicking from schedule to poker match as he continued to lose over and over. He could have fun and loosen up, totally. He just had to win first.

[Welcome to Poker Palace Server 3014C, caligulasAquarium, torpidAnnihilator, gentrificationAwaiting, corporealTone! Please read the rules and have fun! Currently there are 67 viewers of this game.]

CA: ready to lose fucker CA: you cant wwin forevver CT: ...what CA: do i look like im talkin to you GA: i mEan it’s an opEn chatroom, so GA: if you’rE talking to TA good luck haha, CA: ivve been goin at it for four perigees hes gotta lose sometime CT: ...lol GA: LOL, GA: i’vE bEEn playing for tEn swEEps!! GA: thEy don’t losE!  CA: wwell wwere gonna see about THAT noww wwont wwe CA: if youvve got a penchant for believvin anyone that isnt the empress can be infallible youre sadly fuckin mistaken CA: one wway or another im gonna fuckin provve it and then youll eat your fuckin wwords. chumps

TA said nothing as per usual, but this silence stopped bothering Eridan long ago. He had become used to the empty silence that filled the digital lobby during games. Every muscle in Eridan’s body tensed as time went on and he focused, watching everything unfold as he kept his cards close to his virtual chest. The match concluded as it usually did, with GA and CT folding and TA refusing to show their hand. After playing this long, however, Eridan had learned to take his chances. If they needed to, TA usually folded or called a bluff second. This time they’d held onto their cards.

CA: bluff you dont havve shit CT: ...we both got shit hands you know hes got a good one CA: still callin it

With the bluff called, TA’s hand flipped over to reveal a four, two fives of separate suits, and an eight. Not necessarily a bad hand, but not a good one. The entire world stopped and Eridan felt a funny lurch in his digestive sack. He lurched to his feet, staring at the screen for a good minute.

For so many perigees, Eridan had worked towards this very moment. Each second that he stood there taking slow, shaking breaths to comprehend what had just happened felt like an eternity of downright euphoria. He’d done it.

However the world, and more importantly the game, wouldn’t wait forever. He moved his shaky hands to type out the damning words.

CA: straight flush CA: i wwin

A silence followed, and Eridan felt so fucking giddy, like there were clouds below his feet. He hadn’t felt this good in perigees. The commenters who had been gossiping about the inevitable outcome of the match had lapsed into shock with the other players also at a loss. TA, as always, remained silent. Finally, GA and CT began to type, almost in unison.

GA: what CT: ...holy shit GA: arE you fucking serious no WAY you’rE cheating! CA: if this wwere anythin but an online servver i wwould be less insulted CA: i cant code my wway out of a wwet paper bag CT: ...still theres no way you couldve beaten him of all people CA: look a lot of this game is luck okay wwhat the fuck are you talkin about CA: havve you evven played poker before in your life TA: Huh. TA: Well, thII2 II2 a 2urprII2e. TA: ThII2 game wa2 quIIte refre2hIIng, thank you. CT: ...hhhhhhhooooh my god

The match closed itself then, leaving Eridan staring at his victory screen. Something about that quirk seemed familiar, but he shook the thought away. The one he’d known with that quirk had disappeared a sweep before Eridan himself had left the rebellion. He had to be dead by now. Friend requests started pinging on his poker profile as he sat there, viewers of the match itself enamored by the new champion. More than a few angry messages popped up, considering TA’s popularity in betting circles. Only one private message caught Eridan’s attention.

TA: Let me know IIf you would lIIke to play me agaIIn 2ometIIme. TA: II am very aware you have been 2talkIIng 2erver2 lookIIng for me and that would 2ave 2ome ha22le on your end II thIInk. TA: That was the mo2t fun II have had for a whIIle. TA: II may have two quIIt 2oon con2IIderIIng your mo2t deft humIIlIIatIIon, but fIIndIIng a new hobby II2 laborIIou2.

Eridan reread the messages at least five times to absorb just what the mysterious reigning champion of the poker ring was actually offering. There was an odd little flutter in his chest, something he’d thought he’d never feel again. Pride, and a well-earned, well deserved sense of pride at that. Acknowledgement by an ever-supreme master at a craft, even for something as little as poker, meant worlds to him. He couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face, still on a euphoric high  at the sudden turn of events.

CA: uh wwoww okay CA: look evveryone loses evventually unless youre hackin or wwhatevver CA: surprised no one else called you out TA: The thIIng about garnerIIng a reputatIIon IIn onlIIne communIItIIe2 II2 IIntimIIdatIIon and people fallIIng on your bulge in terror ju2t come2 wIIth the whole package. TA: And a2 you know, that II2 the name of the game. CA: i thought it wwas poker TA: What? TA: Oh, very funny. CA: oh my god you talk like a fuckin loser howw old are you TA: That II2 a very rude que2tIIon. TA: II wIIll 2ee you agaIIn, ErIIdan. All haIIl the Empre22. CA: all hail i guess

TA logged off then. Eridan continued to bask in his own victory before freezing, eyes scanning over the last few messages TA had sent.

That couldn’t be possible.

He took a moment, eyes fixed on that one sentence in the chatlog again before he flipped over to his personal profile. No, nothing there. He had made sure not to put any identifying information on his profile apart from his blood color code, which more than a few members did. His name wasn’t anywhere on the site.

Swallowing hard, Eridan closed the poker site down for now and opened this week’s schedule and maintenance logs. Only victory mattered, and he’d accomplished that. What could some random nobody on the internet do to him?

Maybe Shakes’ D&D session would be a little less nerve-wracking.

[fightmewiatch]

Every so often, I have a day, one where something happens that keeps popping up things in my head that bug tf out of me. 

Today is...one of those days. Lol. But today I’m gonna write out, hopefully throwing it out will help me clear my head. (And it’s going under a cut, because it is looooong).

So, today I got an email from my supervisor that my productivity is really too low. Which, I knew that, I knew it wouldn’t be spot on. It was only based on the last few weeks, so I did email back to let her know that the last few weeks I’ve been getting constant headaches bc of my eyes / old glasses, but I finally went to the eye doctor last week so I should be better once I get the new glasses. 

Here’s the thing about this job. We log requests for medical records that are sent to specific hospitals/doctors offices/etc into our system (requests from patients, insurance, other health facilities, law firms, etc.). (We also send out the records, but I only do the first part of the job.) Working from home, I get assigned to a bunch of different facilities - sometimes that place is in Louisiana, sometimes Florida, sometimes it’s a country-wide place. When I change facilities, I have to “transfer” on my timecard, so they can see how long I’m spending in each website (and then the physical system keeps track of how many requests I’ve put in). 

It’s pretty much become commonplace for me to run out of work LONG before the end of the day, and then I email my super (same one who sent me my productivity), & ask for work. If I’m lucky, she answers me within ten minutes with more work. More often than not, I’m waiting between 30 minutes and several hours, and by that point, I email her at least one more time, and then try to find work on my own. 

No one has ever told me otherwise, so when I run out of work, I tend to stay in the facility I was last in (so instead of 2 hours in one place, I can be shown there for 2.5 or more, even without having work). When I emailed her back, I specifically asked her if there was a different place to “Transfer” to, so I don’t throw off my numbers, considering I often have to wait a while. 

To no surprise, I answered her at least an hour before the end of the day, and she didn’t answer. 

(I’m not looking for ways to fix this, I’m just basically throwing down what sparked the day.)

I’ve worked at 2 law firms in my life. 

Law Firm #1. 

Family firm (owned & run by a husband & wife - he was the name on the door, she was his secretary / office manager). 

This place was wild. 

I worked here twice. Once for two years, before I moved for school, and then after school (and a different job), I came back for another two and a half. And let me tell you. 

The first time I worked there, as secretary:

I worked part time. There was a second secretary who had been there a LOT longer that everyone loved but she was one of those older women who was certain no one else knew what they were talking about sometimes. 

My boss (owner, lead atty) wanted a listing of Potential Clients. Since we mostly did school law, business law, estate planning, and real estate, you think we would limit to that, yes? Nooooo. I had to make an excel spreadsheet of EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the phone book. Yes, you read that right. I had to spend my downtime putting THE PHONE BOOK (you remember those, right?) into an Excel Spreadsheet, so he could organize it by: first name, last name, city, address. Didn’t have an address? Find it by any possible means so long as it doesn’t cost money. 

My boss decided he loved Spreadsheets. I then had to transfer our entire client file (which was, at the time, comprised of about...2100 clients) into Excel. Also, so he could organize it by: First Name, Last Name, Business Name, Address/City, Reason for them being a client (god help us if they were there for multiple things), OR, for the schools, who the Superintendents were.

Sounds decent. But we had three different client lists to update every single time we got new info or a new client. Two in Word (one by Last Name, and one by Client Number) (which had been printed out for a hard copy that we had to keep reprinting to update them), & the one in Excel (which I fucking refused to print out, bc we’re talking HUNDREDS of pages, and what a waste of $$ and paper). 

Each time you created a new client, you had to write the information down on a sticky note and take it upstairs to K in billing, so she could make sure the information was put into her billing system. (and then she would give it to T who did payroll & incoming payments, so when people paid, they’d know what the $$ was for.)

Overall, my first 2 years there were okay. Nothing horrible, really, it was fine.

But then, the second time I worked there (approx. 3 years between leaving & coming back), in billing:

I was the billing assistant. K was still Head Billing. I adored her, we were friends despite the 30+ year age gap. 

The Billing Office was shared: me & K, and T had been transferred in there but she still did Payroll & Incoming. 

We were still at 4 attorneys, but 2 of the ones I used to work with were gone & 2 others were in place; and we fluctuated with other people in the building - 6 to 7 to 6 to 7. 

The secretary was the same as before, but she left about a month after I came back (she retired). They hired another woman, J. She was very experienced, very helpful, very firm, I really liked her. 

At first.

Her mom passed away (and I felt so bad, bc she hated her mom’s bf & there were a lot of issues and things), and afterwards, she wasn’t my friend anymore, she just seemed to be looking for a reason to leave. 

T was terrible with math (which is AWFUL for someone doing, you know, PAYROLL and INCOMING PAYMENTS). I mean terrible. We added up our own timecards, and I was shitty at keeping the math right, so I found a website to help (which I then shared with the paralegals who fucking loved it). But a couple times, T messed up hours for one of the paralegals, and the girl mentioned it to me bc I collected the cards (T had leg problems, so she limited herself to coming up & down the steps as much as she could - I did running for her). 

One time, when payroll got printed, and T was working from home, I checked her math, just because she wasn’t there, & I knew the boss would be leaving and if the paralegal didn’t catch it quickly, she would have to wait another day for the correct check (guys, you know how big of a pain that can be especially if you need that money). In the process, I pulled out J’s, trying to sort through them. I never just look at someone’s check stub, never ever, it is none of my business, and the only reason I was looking in the first place was hours, not pay. But J got a raise. No one in that building ever got a raise. Never. I’d worked there (at this point), a grand total of 3 years, and the only “raises” I got was a) bc they rehired me, and b) they wanted to make me a paralegal (which I didn’t want, but they let me keep the pay difference). 

The OM called me into her office a few hours later, and just ripped into me for going through payroll & telling everyone about J’s raise which is NO ONE else’s business, and I was so flustered bc I didn’t know what she was talking about. Turns out, J told the OM that I was telling everyone she got a raise, so instead of calmly asking me, she asked if I looked at payroll, and I was honest, and she just lectured me like a stern, mad, disappointed parent (you know...the tone of voice & the facial expressions that can send you into an anxiety attack). The young attorney was my friend, he actually came to my defense when he found out what happened, told the OM that I didn’t tell anyone anything, that J was bragging about her pay raise to the paralegals (and since he spent time down there working, he heard her). (I never did get an apology from J for lying about me, or from the OM for yelling at me like I was a disgrace.)

It was one of my responsibilities to go to Staples & pick up supplies with a business check. (That’s right. We didn’t order anything in, I physically drove up, shopped, paid, and hauled it back myself. In 2.5 years, I was only offered help twice. The young attorney had a perfect view of my car from his office, never came out unless I went in and asked (and I only ever asked him to carry the GIANT BOXES OF PAPER). We had a list down front of everything we needed - printer ink, paper, pens, staples, tape, etc etc etc. Sporadically, my boss would ask me to bring her the list, I’d triple check it so nothing got missed, and bring it to her, then she’d nod nod nod, hand me a signed check, and let me get it. 

One time, she told me to get everything we needed. No biggie, typically. But this rang out over $300, minimum (I’m almost blanking). I am telling you, she nearly had steam shooting out of her ears, and refused to let me go (like I’d messed up somehow) for well over a month. 

The bosses & at least one of their daughters (they had 4 kids) were Pro-Trump. (This is...this is all I need to say about this.)

J wound up showing up 2 hours late for work, going up to the boss, telling her she quits, and then leaving. (They tried to get her to stay with, you guessed it, another raise and a duty change. She still left.) We hired B, a lovely timid women. She was very, very nice, and as far as I know she’s still there. 

The two paralegals left and were replaced - one left, the 2nd trained the 1sts replacement, and then the replacement trained the 2nds replacement. (It was hilarious when the OM introduced us to the first replacement bc I knew her. I worked with her at the other law firm. We laughed, waved, smiled, good times.)

For a while, I had to sit in on meetings my boss had with clients (I had to take notes). This became rare for me, because once they had the 2 paralegals, they took turns, with B. We never really conversed with the clients beyond hi, but once I managed to have a nice conversation with a couple who had a place in Florida, and we talked bc it was at a place I had been to earlier the year before for my sister’s wedding, and we were having a nice conversation. Which, as you guessed, was interrupted by my boss who looked flummoxed that I, a low billing clerk, would have anything in common with his clients that he didn’t have in common with them. (He never said that, but you could see it well enough on his face.)

They had a quirk. They kept everything. Every bill that had been printed, it was printed, then copied - clients got the original, we kept two copies, one for when they paid (we would staple either a copy of the check or the check stub to the bill, so we knew what checks paid what bills), and then a copy for Billing, with any notes, adjustments, etc etc. (I’m talking bills back at least a decade, just thrown into the back apartment.)

I should mention here? The Office Building was an old apartment building. The entire downstairs and most of the upstairs had been converted into offices, but there was 1 last apartment in the very back that had a couple broken window panes, dust, bugs, etc etc. It’s where they stored old Bills & Paid Bills (anything older than 1 year). 

We’re pretty sure it’s haunted (I say this, bc I did record the sound of a giggling little girl in that back apartment, which is upstairs, not connected to any other buildings, and there were no little girls in there at the time.)

I worked there 2013 to 2017, this time around. Around 2014, I talked to K, and the OM, and made the suggestion to get rid of those bills. But not just toss them, no. Let’s SCAN THEM IN! I was excited when they loved the idea. (My poor, poor stupid self.) I had to scan in every bill (we’re talking thousands and thousands) of bills, I scanned in every single bill that we sent out between, like...2006 and 2015, by the time I left (I left Jan of 2017, and idk if I finished scanning in 2016 before I did). 

This meant: unstapling at least a dozen pages per bill, scanning in every page of the bill, plus every page fo the last draft bill (bc of course there are multiple drafts), logging every single bill into a Spreadsheet so we knew what we had, for whom, and where. I had to set up a bunch of fucking folders - one for every year, broken down into month, broken down to Schools or Miscellaneous (Everything else), broken down to Bills and Drafts, so we didn’t mix things up. This was fine if the bill was between 1 and 10 pages, but after 2009, we had bills that were twenty, thirty, forty pages long, I am not joking, and if one page messed up, I had to scan them all in AGAIN bc I was using the free Adobe.

It was tiring, so I printed out pricing, asked the OM if we could get the monthly subscription.(This was maybe mid 2014, I think). (And then promptly watched her hum, and put it somewhere never to be seen again.) K, her gracious soul, prompted the boss a couple times, but it was brushed off every time. 

I finally paid it myself, fuck it, I’m not rescanning 80 pages bc 1 page got stuck in the scanner. 

One months before I left, the paralegals asked me about it, bc they had me fix stuff, scan stuff, bc i Had the better program, so I told them were to look. They asked the OM, who then asked me why I was paying for it myself. (I could have screamed.)

My bosses were the kind of people who went to church, and thought that made them good people. The Big Man had a library of religious DVDs, books, CDs that he loaned out to people. Asked me to, yup, make and keep the Spreadsheet of everything - one for CDs/DVDs, one for Books - and then keep the log/keep track of who borrowed what, & when it was returned. (This included tagging each item with a number. Had 6 of the same thing? Then 6 of them were given the same number). I stopped keeping such good track when he started accepting returns & not telling me who brought them back, or started loaning them without telling me what and to whom, & started adding things in without telling me so I could label them (and then loaning them out without me having numbered/logged them). 

My boss wanted me to work on the Website and their FB page. Thought we could send out an email to everyone (when I say everyone, I don’t just mean clients, I mean every person he could get an email for in the county), and when the IT guy said no, bc a mass email that size would most likely go to Spam, he said “Isn’t there a way to make sure it goes in their inbox?” and we all looked at each other as he said, “No, not unless we hack everyone’s emails, and that is very much against the law.”

I got paid mileage, because I often went to Staples, the bank, the boss’ house, two of the employees’ houses, two of the schools (who needed their bills NOW, not whenever the mail was sent out) and the Post office. One time I wrote the wrong mileage - I added going to the employees’ house, bc I did, but I did it on my way to/from lunch, so it didn’t count, but I was in a rush to write it, and I forgot until she was asking me why it was broken up. When I told her, she gave me the look, like I was trying to steal from her, and lectured me about it. (It was an accident, okay?)

T had diabetes, and after a lot of other medical issues and family issues, she had even more and they had to take her leg below the knee, and because the office wasn’t Handicapped accessible (there was some legal loophole that kept them from having to update the building), she got to work from home. The OM honest-to-god, when we were talking about how awful it was that they had to take the leg, said (summarizing) no one else has problems in comparison. ....I had to stare to try and figure out if she was serious (she was), because, yeah, it’s awful, but her problems did not negate anyone else’s, and man I feel sorry if that’s how you feel. 

The program we used for billing went down one day. We called called texted called our IT guy, but he didn’t answer, didn’t answer, didn’t answer, and then finally said he’d be there at some point but he didn’t know when (he worked 3 other jobs, and was our IT guy, it was not a good setup, I’m sorry). My entire job revolved around this program, so I couldn’t do anything, so after waiting all morning, I emailed the OM before I went to lunch that I could just take the afternoon off (I figured it was better they not pay me at all, instead of paying me to twiddle my thumbs; K agreed (and she’d been there since they pretty much opened the doors at least 20 years before)), and then clocked out and went to lunch. when I dropped my mom off after, the OM called me, screaming at me because how dare I just leave, I needed to be in that office, just made me feel about an inch tall because I did that (and reminded me I had things I could do for the website, which I swear I had forgotten about bc I was so distracted by the damn program). I had to crawl back to work for the afternoon, and listen to another lecture, basically belittling me for the choice I made, that I don’t get to make that choice (I was seriously the only person who doesn’t get to make that choice, pretty much everyone else in that office was able to work from home, leave if something at the office wasn’t working, etc). (I still hear her in my head some days, if that tells you how bad that day fucked me up.)

We had bowed windows in Billing. We also had our own furnace/ac system. The insulation was long gone, so in the summer, if the AC was on (and down to about 60/65) it was fine, but the second it kicked off, you burned up. In the winter, if the heat was on (we had it cranked to 80), it was fine, but when it kicked off, it FROZE, i had to wear sweaters and gloves while I worked. K did, too. The first time I was there, they had space heaters up there. But the bosses hired the worst construction crew ever (hired them bc they were clients, btw), who had to rewire something else, which rigged Billing so that if we tried to use a space heater, it would blow the entire breaker on our side of the building.

Despite everything K or I said, about the fact that it leaked into billing when it rained, we were ignored. Until the day it poured in on me, and two ceiling tiles fell (lucky for them, I was already leaping out of my seat from the cold water, or I’d have had a field day). The guys fixed the side of the building, but never replaced the tiles (which we knew was because, if they replaced the two that had fallen, they’d have to replace all of them, which meant they’d have to admit to knowing about the mold in the ceiling). 

I’m adding these as an after-bullet-point, because I did these both times I worked there.

This firm handled business, school, estate plans, and real estate law. This meant they wanted brochures, but not just A Brochure, with highlights for the company, no. Brochures for the general work we did, our school work, our business work, our estate plans, & our real estate work, each one with each (relevant) attorney on it (as attorneys left, they had to be removed, & as they joined, they were added - including their photograph, which they didn’t always provide and I had to dig for). Brochures were tri-fold, but at one point, we had 5 attorneys, and with the other (honest to god) bull drivel that was on these brochures, 5 did not fit in a tri-fold, meaning I had to figure out how to fit a 5th without it looking ridiculous. (And my boss was kind of...irritating, in the fact that I should show him how it would look A DOZEN TIMES, in a DOZEN WAYS, get his sign off, print 20 copies - as he told me to do - only for him to “suddenly” change his mind, meaning I wasted paper (at minimum $25 a box, and ink at minimum $25 a cartridge/$49 for black & color).

Sometimes (two to three times a year, I think) they did seminars, where they would compile a binder related to the Specific Thing (estate planning, real estate, school staff training, etc), because they were going to basically hold a class, pass these binders out, teach the attendees things. It was always my responsibility to assemble these binders (which typically wound up being 1 for the file, 1 for the OM, 1 for boss, 1 for whatever attorney was presenting, and approx. 5 to 25, depending on how many people were attending). Low end, we’re talking 9, high end, 29. Before I could even begin to assemble, the boss/OM/attorney had to get the stuff together for the binder - the forms, the spreadsheets, the index, literally think of a Handbook, and that’s what we were putting together. The boss had final say on everything. This is a man who has no concept of a timeline. So the day before the presentation, he was finishing the edits. OM would give me a check (she didn’t bat an eye for this shit, ever), send me to Staples to pick up all the supplies: binders, cover stock (bc yes, I also had to print covers, and use a blank piece of matching cover stock as a “back cover”), ink, regular paper, divider pages (meaning: colored construction paper), pens & notepads (bc ofc those were included, in case they had to take notes), and brochure paper (bc those were included, too). In less than 8 hours, I had to: use my computer to print anything in color or anything on the non-regular-paper (the copy machine was only normal paper, b&w); copy everything 9-29 times in the copy machine; hole punch everything (with a hole punch that would do max 10 pages at a time, and honey, they were rarely only 10 pages); assemble in order the binders; trim the card stock covers (bc somehow, they never fucking fit otherwise); and then try to stack 9-29 uneven binders on the 2nd floor conference room table. (And sometimes? Yes. Sometimes, the boss would take one when I was half-way through (without me knowing sometimes btw), and make some changes, meaning I’d have to take them apart and redo those pages, which meant going back to the computer, editing the original document, reprinting & copying, repunching, and reindexing). Please note: yes, I said in less than 8 hours, but that is being generous, bc do you think this man was ready for me to start when I walked in? No. He’d call the office around 11 or 12 to have me start (he often “started his day” from home, a mile away), so I’d go pick up the information, get it done, and get started bc I had to get a check, shop for supplies, print, copy, punch, arrange, index 9 to 29 binders with min 10 pages in each, plus covers, plus divider pages as necessary, between 12pm and 5pm. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

(I know this is long, I’m sorry, last spot.)

My other job.

Law Firm #2

Owned by one man who was like 400 years old and half dust. (He was a piece of work. His son was also a lawyer, but he & his new wife hated his son, and he constantly tried to sue his son to keep him from using his name in his business. They...they had the same last name.)

His wife owned a dress shop that was PRICED HIGH but was not very good quality (and actually had a second shop in the City). 

They lived in a mansion. With maids. And the wife thought it appropriate to call in before we got in for the day, leave a list of things needed from the store, so one of the employees at the office (she used a couple of us as her own servants) could go to the store, get it, and bring it to the house.

I was hired as a Work Comp Clerk. Meaning I send out the subpoenas to health care facilities/doctors/etc to get bills and records for court. But the second they saw I’d been a secretary (at Firm #1) before, they took that chance. Made me secretary first thing in the morning (before the actual lady showed up), and for an hour after lunch (while the actual lady was at lunch). This was the busiest hour of the day. It was an 11 line phone, and no one else was allowed to answer it. (Firm #1? 4 lines and a fax, with 3 people as backup.) 

I did fine at first. Made friends with the girls I worked with, and the other attorneys.

The owner, and the office manager? Nope. They hated me. I hated them. They looked for anything to get mad at me for. 

I do not speak Spanish. 2 people in the office do (the secretary, and the woman who was made to do running for the wife). There was one time neither of them were in after lunch (usually 1 of them was there), while I was working the front desk, so of course someone called in that spoke Spanish. I told them, uno momento, por favor, bc I do know that much at least, put them on hold, called the OM. She raced up, started rifling the desk to tell me there was a sticky that said how to say one minute please, and I said “I know how to say that, and I did, that’s why they’re on hold. What do I do now?” And she looked at me like I’d grown a second head, before huffing and telling me to call our maintenance man (who spoke Spanish), so he could translate for me. (I think the secretary came in before I could, so she did the call for me. 

I started having trouble doing my job. I’d never get records or bills, I’d spend half the day on the phone going round & round trying to figure out what the problem was, I’d keep sending reminder requests, but some of them I just could not get. One of the attorneys I explained this too, and he took a second to realize what I meant, before saying it was fine, just try, and if I can’t, I can’t. 

Two of the attys left, and were replaced with 1 attorney who had just gotten his license, and one who had not yet taken the bar (so she legally wasn’t an attorney). They were nice, the attorneys there were (mostly) nice. 

About halfway through the time I worked there (8 months. I was there 8 months), someone started calling, leaving threatening messages at night on the voicemail. It got to the point that one night, the secretary asked me to cover the front desk a little bit before I went home bc she had to go in with the boss and the OM, and a cop, so they could play the messages and figure out what to do. She didn’t mention there was a cop coming, no one did, so when he showed up, I did what I’m trained to do (write down his name, what he wants, etc) and went back to the boss’ office to ask him. “Well who is it?” “Officer XX.” “...is his first name Officer?!” “...well, no.” “Go find out what his name is!” He actually even called me an idiot, in the loudest possible voice, and kicked me out of his office. I was shaking, I was so angry, and I went up front, and whipped the notepad to the desk (it’s funny now bc the young atty was coming out of his office, saw me throw the notepad, and turned back and went into his office lol). The cop asked me if he could go in and I said no, he wasn’t ready yet, and the cop sighed, said he had a job to do, and they called him, and I got short with him and basically told him they’d call up when they were ready, so SIT DOWN. (Thankfully, they called up for him, so I walked him back and then just sat at the front desk, seething.)

Honestly, that was the downfall. That was when I started looking for a job, but considering I’ve got anxiety and a fear of public speaking and all that non-fun stuff, it isn’t easy (and I never know how to answer interview questions, which genuinely makes them think I’m stupid, I’ve seen their faces). 

Just over a month before my birthday, I walked into work (on Monday), and went to put my bag at my desk. I got confused, seeing someone in my chair, but I just figured it was so she could train with the lady in the next desk, and I didn’t care bc I was working the front desk for that first hour. But just before the hour was up, the OM came up to me, asked me to come see her when I was done up there. Okay. Told me to bring my purse. ...o...okay. Finished the hour, grabbed my purse, went back. SURPRISE. That new girl was my replacement, and I was being demoted, which came with a pay decrease, as well as an hour decrease (although I was still expected to have lunch at the same time, and cover the front for the same time frames, even though they were taking 2 hours off my schedule every single day and over a dollar off my pay), and I was the runner. Because I wasn’t doing my job to their standards (they never told me that, they never gave me a warning, they never gave me a head’s up. Just BAM you’re fucked). I worked until 3 (per my new schedule), walked into her office, said “I’m not coming back, I can’t do this job anymore.” She shrugged, and turned away from me. I quit. (I had called my mom around lunch and her first words were “Fuck them, you quit & come home right now.” I just told her I needed to finish the day.)

I filed unemployment.

We did the hearing: one of the attorneys I liked was representing them, with the OM as one witness, and my closest coworker as the other. I felt awful and betrayed because we’d kept in touch (this was a month after I left, ish), but here she was telling them all my negative traits - including that I would stare out the window for periods of time. I explained to them (as I did while I worked there) that it helped my eyes, and helped me think, when I couldn’t remember my Next Step. After a little while of them talking shit about me, talking about how terrible I was, and all that stuff to make them file against me so I don’t get anything. And after hearing me say I had no warning, the hearing officer interrupted me and said “So...OM, you never gave her warning.” “Nope.” “You didn’t give her a head’s up, didn’t give her a chance to correct her problems, just expected her to keep working for you after cutting her hours, and her pay, and changing her responsibilities. With no warning.” “Right.” “Are you crazy?” I won. I laughed maniacally. 

When the following year’s W-2′s came out (i worked for them a few months the year they were for, so I needed theirs), mine didn’t show when it was supposed to, so I called. New girl, said she got hers, put me on hold, “called the OM”, who told her to tell me that yes, they were sent. I got it 3 days later (postmarked the day I called. Mailed mine out my fucking ass). 

added: Oh yeah. Someone had called at one point, & there was A Thing I was supposed to do, but no one had ever told me about it, never mentioned it, etc etc, so I didn’t know it existed, meaning I didn’t know there was something I didn’t know (following me?). I asked the OM. She said “well, if you didn’t know, you should have asked.” “...I...didn’t know. Like, in any capacity. How do I ask about something I don’t know exists? It’s not that I didn’t know how to do it, I didn’t know it was a thing.” “You should have asked.” 

Yeah.

I think that’s it. 

[xaydungtruonggia]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[noithatotoaz]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[drummcarpentry]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[bfxenon]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[ductrungnguyen87]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

[gamebazu]

Rural Local SEO: A Marketing Package Strong on Education

Posted by MiriamEllis

Can your marketing agency make a profit working with low-budget clients in rural areas?

Could you be overlooking a source of referrals, publicity, and professional satisfaction if you’re mainly focused on landing larger clients in urban locales? Clients in least-populated areas need to capture every customer they can get to be viable, including locals, new neighbors, and passers-through. Basic Local SEO can go a long way toward helping with this, and even if package offerings aren’t your agency’s typical approach, a simple product that emphasizes education could be exactly what’s called for.

Today, I’d like to help you explore your opportunities of serving rural and very small town clients. I’ve pulled together a sample spreadsheet and a ton of other resources that I hope will empower you to develop a bare-bones but high-quality local search marketing package that will work for most and could significantly benefit your agency in some remarkable ways.

Everything in moderation

The linchpin fundamental to the rural client/agency relationship is that the needs of these businesses are so exceedingly moderate. The competitive bar is set so low in a small-town-and-country setting, that, with few exceptions, clients can make a strong local showing with a pared-down marketing plan.

Let’s be honest — many businesses in this scenario can squeak by on a website design package from some giant web hosting agency. A few minutes spent with Google’s non-urban local packs attest to this. But I’m personally dissatisfied by independent businesses ending up being treated like numbers because it’s so antithetical to the way they operate. The local hardware store doesn’t put you on hold for 45 minutes to answer a question. The local farm stand doesn’t route you overseas to buy heirloom tomatoes. Few small town institutions stay in business for 150 years by overpromising and under-delivering.

Let’s assume that many rural clients will have some kind of website. If they don’t, you can recommend some sort of freebie or cheapie solution. It will be enough to get them placed somewhere in Google’s results, but if they never move beyond this, the maximum conversions they need to stay in business could be missed.

I’ve come to believe that the small-to-medium local marketing agency is the best fit for the small-to-medium rural brand because of shared work ethics and a similar way of doing business. But both entities need to survive monetarily and that means playing a very smart game with a budget on both sides.

It’s a question of organizing an agency offering that delivers maximum value with a modest investment of your time and the client’s money.

Constructing a square deal

When you take on a substantial client in a large town or city, you pull out all the stops. You dive deeply into auditing the business, its market, its assets. You look at everything from technical errors to creative strengths before beginning to build a strategy or implement campaigns, and there may be many months or years of work ahead for you with these clients. This is all entirely appropriate for big, lucrative contracts.

For your rural roster, prepare to scale way back. Here is your working plan:

1. Schedule your first 15-minute phone call with the client

Avoid the whole issue of having to lollygag around waiting for a busy small business owner to fill out a form. Schedule an appointment and have the client be at their place of business in front of a computer at the time of the call. Confirm the following, ultra-basic data about the client.

Name

Address

Phone

URL

Business model (single location brick-and-mortar, SAB, etc.)

Category

Are there any other businesses at this address?

Main products/services offered

If SAB, list of cities served

Most obvious search phrase they want to rank for

Year established and year they first took the business online

Have they ever been aware of a penalty on their website or had Google tell them they were removing a listing?

Finally, have the client (who is in front of their computer at their place of business) search for the search term that’s the most obviously important and read off to you the names and URLs of the businesses ranking in the local pack and on the first page of the organic results.

And that’s it. If you pay yourself $100/hr, this quick session yields a charge of $25.

2. Make a one-time investment in writing a bare-bones guide to Local SEO

Spend less than one working day putting together a .pdf file or Google doc written in the least-technical language containing the following:

Your briefest, clearest definition of what local SEO is and how it brings customers to local businesses. Inspiration here.

An overview of 3 key business models: brick & mortar, SAB, and home-based so the client can easily identify which of these models is theirs.

A complete copy of the Guidelines for representing your business on Google with a link in it to the live guidelines.

Foolproof instructions for creating a Google account and creating and claiming a GMB listing. Show the process step-by-step so that anyone can understand it. Inspiration here.

A list of top general industry citation platforms with links to the forms for getting listed on them. Inspiration here and if the client can hit at least a few of these, they will be off to a good start.

An overview of the role of review acquisition and response, with a few simple tips for earning reviews and a list of the top general industry review platforms. Inspiration here and here.

An overview of the role of building offline relationships to earn a few online linktations. Inspiration here.

Links to the Google My Business forum and the main Google support platforms including their phone number (844.491.9665), Facebook, Twitter, and online chat. Tell the client this is where to go if they encounter a problem with their Google listing in the future.

Links to major independent business associations as a support vehicle for small and rural businesses like AMIBA, ILSR, and Small Business Saturday. Inspiration here.

Your agency’s complete contact information so that the business can remember who you are and engage you for further consulting down the road, if ever necessary.

If you pay yourself $100 an hour, investing in creating this guide will cost you less than $1000.00. That’s a modest amount that you can quickly earn back from clients. Hopefully, the inspirational links I’ve included will give you a big head start. Avoid covering anything trendy (like some brand new Google feature) so that the only time you should have to update the guide in the near future will be if Google makes some major changes to their guidelines or dashboard.

Deliver this asset to every rural client as their basic training in the bare essentials of local marketing.

3. Create a competitive audit spreadsheet once and fill it out ad infinitum

What you want here is something that lets you swiftly fill in the blanks.

For the competitive audit, you’ll be stacking up your client’s metrics against the metrics of the business they told you was ranking at the top of the local pack when they searched from their location. You can come up with your own metrics, or you can make a copy of this template I’ve created for you and add to it/subtract from it as you like.

Make a copy of the ultra-basic competitive local audit template — you can do so right here.

You’ll notice that my sample sheet does not delve deeply into some of the more technical or creative areas you might explore for clients in tougher markets. With few exceptions, rural clients just don’t need that level of insight to compete.

Give yourself 45 focused minutes filling in the data in the spreadsheet. You’ve now invested 1 hour of time with the client. So let’s give that a value of $100.

4. Transfer the findings of your audit into a custom report

Here’s another one-time investment. Spend no more than one workday creating a .pdf or Google Docs template that takes the fields of your audit and presents them in a readable format for the client. I’m going to leave exact formatting up to you, but here are the sections I would recommend structuring the report around:

A side-by-side comparison of the client vs. competitor metrics, bucketed by topic (Website, GMB, Reputation, Links, Citations, etc)

A very basic explanation of what those metrics mean

A clear recommendation of what the client should do to improve their metrics

For example, your section on reputation might look like this:

The beauty of this is that, once you have the template, all you have to do is fill it out and then spend an hour making intelligent observations based on your findings.

Constructing the template should take you less than one workday; so, a one-time investment of less than $1,000 if you are paying yourself $100/hr.

Transferring the findings of your audit from the spreadsheet to the report for each client should take about 1 hour. So, we’re now up to two total hours of effort for a unique client.

5. Excelling at value

So, you’ve now had a 15-minute conversation with a client, given them an introductory guide to the basics of local search marketing, and delivered a customized report filled with your observations and their to-dos. Many agencies might call it a day and leave the client to interpret the report on their own.

But you won’t do that, because you don’t want to waste an incredible opportunity to build a firm relationship with a business. Instead, spend one more hour on the phone with the owner, going over the report with them page by page and allowing a few minutes for any of their questions. This is where you have the chance to deliver exceptional value to the client, telling them exactly what you think will be most helpful for them to know in a true teaching moment.

At the end of this, you will have become a memorable ally, someone they trust, and someone to whom they will have confidence in referring their colleagues, family members, and neighbors.

You’ve made an overall investment of less than $2,000 to create your rural/small town marketing program.

Packaging up the guide, the report and the 1:1 phone consulting, you have a base price of $300 for the product if you pay yourself $100/hour.

However, I’m going to suggest that, based on the level of local SEO expertise you bring to the scenario, you create a price point somewhere between $300–$500 for the package. If you are still relatively green at local SEO, $300 could be a fair price for three hours of consulting. If you’re an industry adept, scale it up a bit because, because you bring a rare level of insight to every client interaction, even if you’re sticking to the absolute basics. Begin selling several of these packages in a week, and it will start totaling up to a good monthly revenue stream.

As a marketer, I’ve generally shied away from packages because whenever you dig deeply into a client’s scenario, nuances end up requiring so much custom research and communication. But, for the very smallest clients in this least competitive markets, packages can hit the spot.

Considerable benefits for your agency

The client is going to walk away from the relationship with a good deal … and likely a lot to do. If they follow your recommendations, it will typically be just what they needed to establish themselves on the web to the extent that neighbors and travelers can easily find them and choose them for transactions. Good job!

But you’re going to walk away with some amazing benefits, too, some of which you might not have considered before. To wit:

1. Relationships and the ripple effect

A client you’ve treated very well on the phone is a client who is likely to remember you for future needs and recommend you. I’ve had businesses send me lovely gifts on top of my consulting fee because I’ve taken the time to really listen and answer questions. SEO agencies are always looking for ways to build authentic relationships. Don’t overlook the small client as a centroid of referrals throughout a tight-knit community and beyond it to their urban colleagues, friends, and family.

2. Big data for insights and bragging rights

If your package becomes popular, a ton of data is going to start passing through your hands. The more of these audits you do, the more time you’re spending actively observing Google’s handling of the localized SERPs. Imagine the blog posts your agency can begin publishing by anonymizing and aggregating this data, pulling insights of value to our industry. There is no end to the potential for you to grow your knowledge.

Apart from case studies, think of the way this package can both build up your proud client roster and serve as a source of client reviews. The friendly relationship you’ve built with that 1:1 time can now become a font of very positive portfolio content and testimonials for you to publish on your website.

3. Agency pride from helping rebuild rural America

Have you noticed the recent spate of hit TV shows that hinge on rebuilding dilapidated American towns? Industry consolidation is most often cited as the root of rural collapse, with small farmers and independent businesses no longer able to create a tax base to support basic community needs like hospitals, fire departments, and schools. Few of us rejoice at the idea of Main Streets — long-cherished hallmarks not just of Americana but of shared American identity — becoming ghost towns.

But if you look for it, you can see signs of brilliant small entrepreneurs uniting to buck this trend. Check out initiatives like Locavesting and Localstake. There’s a reason to hope in small farming co-ops, the Main Street movement, and individuals like these who can re-envision a crumbling building as an independent country store, a B&B, or a job training center with Internet access.

It can be a source of professional satisfaction for your marketing agency if you offer these brave and hard-working business owners a good deal and the necessary education they need to present themselves sufficiently on the web. I live in a rural area, and I know just how much a little, solid advice can help. I feel extra good if I know I’m contributing to America’s rural comeback story.

Promoting your rural local SEO package

Once you’ve got your guide and templates created, what next? Here are some simple tips:

Create a terrific landing page on your website specifically for this package and call it out on your homepage as well. Wherever appropriate, build internal links to it.

Promote on social media.

Blog about why you’ve created the package, aligning your agency as an ally to the rebuilding of rural communities.

If, like me, you live in a rural area, consider presenting at local community events that will put you in front of small business owners.

Don’t overlook old school media like community message boards at the local post office, or even fliers tacked to electric poles.

If you’re a city slicker, consider how far you’d have to travel to get to the nearest rural community to participate in events.

Advertising both off and online in rural papers can be quite economical. There is also a place of worship print bulletins, local school papers, and other publications that welcome sponsors. Give it a try.

And, of course, ask happy clients to refer you, telling them what it means to your business. You might even develop a referral program.

The truth is that your agency may not be able to live by rural clients, alone. You may still be targeting the bulk of your campaigns towards urban enterprises because just a few highly competitive clients can bring welcome security to your bank account.

But maybe this is a good day to start looking beyond the fast food franchise, the NY attorney and the LA dermatology group. The more one reads about rural entrepreneurs, the more one tends to empathize with them, and empathy is the best foundation I know of for building rewarding business relationships.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!