#so let us do our job will you?
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Everyone realizing Nemo has no plans of disbanding his murder cult what is more the assasins guild now: 😥
Nemo: "First of all, let's blow father's huge ass skull off the wall. Idc about that thing.
Second of all, Murder Tribunal needs to be reworked. I am no longer accepting every murder-happy idiot into the fold. Things will be ORGANIZED from now on. Whatever you do on your free time is your business, but killing done in the name of the guild will be done strictly by contract. No more killings for free. What? Yes, Father's ecstacy through murder will probably be annulled for many of you. Again, I don't care if you worship by dear old dad or not, but remember I am your leader and our guild comes first. Any religious preferences stay behind the door. What? Yes, of course you can worship Loviatar now, Caleb, I'm surprised you haven't already. Anyway, I want to officially invite all of you present to the wedding of our dear Clotilda and...Sorry, what was his name again?
#the dark urge#durge spoilers#dark urge#dark urge: nemo#nemo:listen if someone is willing to pay for murder the victim will die regardless if we take the job or not#someone else will do the job#nothing changes BUT we won't get paid#so let us do our job will you?#obv some people are off list. if a contract comes their way we'll deal with the contractor instead#no really it's actually in your jnterests#this is how duke ravengard gets protected by the assasins guild#ninefingers starts to pay nemo's guild a generous fee after like 5 assassins attempts. she has a lot of enemies and is tired#for some reason any rogue murderer trying to get to the new upstart who thinks he owns razimath tower ends up dead#a true mystery#Karlach as five or so fight-hungry assassins join her and Wyll in their fight in Avernus: what the actual hell Nemo
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Burnt out
#initially this was meant to be something else entirely#but i wasn't really liking how it was going so I scrapped the idea and opted out for something a bit more personal#ive been really suffering from burn out for the last few years and just barely keeping my head above water#there are times where i seriously feel like ive failed in every aspect of my career#like if i were good enough i wouldn't have burnt out#i love my job and i love my trade i love every skill ive gain up until this point#but its been hard not to take it personally when all the effort you've put into honing those skills#are abused or exploited#life is difficult enough already and and time is fleeting#taking time for yourself is above all the most important thing you can do to help your work flourish#taking a break isn't failure#its health#we aren't machines despite our industries treating us as such#just waiting and hoping that itll pay off#ive certainly learned my lesson#and im looking forward to brighter horizons#and healthier more respectful ones#ill be okay ive learned how to love my art in my personal time again#but i certainly need to let my mind rest and my body to recover#these tags are lengthy anyways#unionize and dont work for nothing from large companies#be gay do drugs love your friends make art for yourself too#my art#scuttles out of here#i hope these long ass images actually show up in full resolution#i did draw them fucking TOLL as hell
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?
put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings
#realtalk therapy doesnt work unless the person getting the therapy puts in the effort to make it work#eridan starts the comic in complete and utter denial that he's in need of help#so there's really nothing i nor any stranger could do about that#HOWEVER he does talk to karkat often about his feelings (and vice versa) and#the reason they didnt hang out during the game seems to be#1) they were on separate teams and didnt realize the teams were the same team until later on#2) by then it was too late and eridan had aggro'd all his angels#3) gamzee was deliberately keeping eridan away from karkat and vice versa (likely bc gamzee had a palecrush on kk)#4) karkat was too busy falling victim to his own insecurities abt being a leader to pay attention to his actual friendships#4a) eg. it shouldve been the time player doing the frog hunt with kanaya & not the blood player#like im not saying moirallegiance with karkat would have fixed all of eridans problems but i am saying#what eridan really needed was a friend who took his problems seriously and could see past his bullshitting#and karkat already WAS that friend - they just never hung out#so by the time the meteor rolls around eridan has spent WEEKS feeling abandoned anxious and alone on his death planet#and karkat has gotten used to not thinking about eridan too much#so karkat - who is basically eridans only actual friend at that point - isnt able to get through to him & eridan snaps#like the thing about sburb/homestuck is that it really stresses the importance of friendship and working together#letting each other help with each others' problems#thats why the smallest viable game is still two people by necessity#so when we see things like gamzee snapping or eridan snapping or vriska snapping#as much as these are the 'fault' of the person snapping they also need to be viewed as comprehensive team failures#the people who should have spent the game together didnt and the people who shouldnt have spent the game together did#vriska was allowed to bully tf outta tavros and nobody intervened#eridan was left all alone and nobody tried to help him#and everybody was mean to gamzee and nobody tried to connect with him#and you know whose job it is to make sure the right people are hanging out together? the blood player#and unfortunately our blood player was so insecure that he was doing jobs that werent his to do#im not saying pale erikar would fix homestuck but i am saying pale erikar is a symptom of things being fixed in homestuck
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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Arlecchino's whole deal is unbelievable
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder what's causing my weird powers? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta become King and then kill my "Mother".
*Kills Clervie and "Mother"*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I was able to defeat a Fatui Harbinger when I'm like 17 or so? I can't really worry about that right now tho, I've gotta be in jail and become a Harbinger.
*Is in jail for a while and becomes a Harbinger*
Arlecchino: Huh I wonder why I am-
Pierro: Hey what's up hello, anyways you're descended from the Crimson Moon Dynasty of Khaenri'ah. I'm sure that this is a lot for you to take in so-
Arlecchino: Ok.
Pierro: ...You're just cool with that?
Arlecchino: IDK maybe? I can't really worry about that at the moment, I'm a father now. This orphanage full of children I love (who also are child soldiers and are not allowed to leave or else I'll execute them except maybe now I'm just gonna wipe their memories IDK I'm morally complex) isn't gonna run itself.
*Runs the orphanage/spy recruitment initiative*
Me, the fucking player: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE KHAENRI'AN? WHY WASN'T THIS BROUGHT UP IN YOUR FUCKING QUEST?? OR ANYTHING ELSE????
Arlecchino, talking to me through my phone: I honestly don't know why you care, I'm too busy to give a shit. Anyways, I'm gonna go fight fate itself I guess. I'm sure that I don't share any thematic parallels with any other Khaenri'an characters (particularly as it relates to acting and family angst) and that I haven't made the idea of 'curses' on Khaenri'ans and what they entail even more complicated than they already were. See ya.
#arlecchino#genshin impact#pierro#WHY IS THE GAME FUCKING GLOSSING OVER THE FACT THAT SHE IS KHAENRI'AN?!#Not only that but she is the first Khaenri'an we've met (that we know of) who's from the Crimson Moon Dynasty#I'm so fucking confused#Did Celestia place a DIFFERENT curse on members of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?? Or is this stuff all of them can do???#HELP#She also seems almost...uninterested in the fact that she's descended from Khaenri'ah. Which honestly I think is interesting.#I don't know if I like it yet but when every other Khaenri'ah character has one of their major traits being that they super fucking#care that they are Khaenri'an (whether that be Kaeya with his paranoia/destiny/duty or Dain with his guilt over his failure/desire to#prevent our sibling from fucking with anything too much or whatever the fuck is going on with Pierro)#having a character who is Khaenri'an but doesn't seem to particularly be invested in that part of themself is different#she cares more about the curse and its effects on her then she ever really cares about the Crimson Moon Dynasty or the cataclysm#IDK I think it's neat from a character writing angle. or at least it has the potential to be if the writers do a good job.#But from a 'I like maybe 3 things in this game and one of them is Khaenri'ah' perspective it SUCKSSSSS#That part of the plot is already suffering from chronic live-service storytelling disease where people just straight up don't tell you#shit that they logically SHOULD BE TELLING YOU because the game needs to save plot points to build hype around#so for one of like 4-ish (depending on how much we count Albedo) Khaenri'an major characters to give us literally 1 and 1/2 voicelines#kinda sucks ngl. but again it's also interesting and realistic for Arlecchino and from that angle I like it#she doesn't care about what fate says her place in the world is. she's gonna carve her own and being Khaenri'an isn't relevant to#the life and identity she has built for herself. she isn't the type to look for answers she doesn't need. she's practical and efficient.#at the very least it's better than when Albedo 'I want to find all the world's truths' Kreideprinz doesn't let the audience in on his stuff
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“Claude in Hopes is exactly the same way he is in Houses! He’s always been like that and has the same feelings/morals!”
Claude in GW/Hopes:
Claude, literally, in Houses:
Let that speak for the fact that Claude was written with a 180 characterization in Hopes.
Claude wants peace and to bring everyone together; not to tear them further apart. That is his character.
#I’m still in the middle of answering this ask I got but yeah#even Edelgard noticed Claude really loves bringing ppl together in WC#when she says ''you really value that sort of thing don't you'' after the Eagle/Lion (+Deer >.> ) battle#like if Claude's goal was to destroy Fodlan and just leave a mess of it A+++ you did an astounding show stopping brilliantly done job#if your goal was peace well you fucked that up pretty good buddy#in Hopes too like he's literally arguing with Lorenz about it while Lorenz is like ??? bruh wtf ???#literally who cares what some politicians did 300 years ago certainly not Houses Claude#in fact Claude said fuck our history sideways with a cactus let's make peace and be friends#AND he got the approval from the whole roundtable and that's all we know on the topic bc it's all we needed to know#versus in GW where it's explicitly stated that it took some doing for them to allow Claude to be king#meaning the roundtable was not up for what he was suggesting and needed to be convinced#they needed it enough that Lorenz pointed it out to everyone and from a narrative standpoint#AM Claude doesn't need to say how the meeting went and all we need to know is that it worked out#but in GW it's told to us that the meeting was very long and it took some doing for them to trust Claude's judgment#the meeting is presented in a more uncertain light with how the lords felt abt it whereas in AM#it's not told to us how things went bc it's not important. a negative aspect (i.e. the roundtable not being able to come to an agreement)#is an important thing to note and if there was any negative aspect of it in AM they would've put it in there#meaning the roundtable trusts AM Claude's judgment enough when he tells them he wants to put their two nations together again#idk how else to explain that so I hope you get what I mean lol#I just find it completely baffling that people actually say both Claudes are the same person and that he was always like how he is in Hopes#like you can like his character in Hopes and enjoy that portrayal of him but at least admit he's written differently you know?#I hate when I see people say that Claude fans didn't understand his character in Houses at all bc they don't like him in Hopes#when you have literal staunch polar opposite sentences coming out of his mouth in these two scenes#the Claude we get in AM is the same Claude - the same person at his core - as he is in VW and all the routes#Houses Claude does not blame whatever the fuck Leicester and Faerghus did 300 years ago on the people living in their present#he also doesn't blame Dimitri or anyone else presently in power for Daphnel#GW Claude there is just grasping at unimportant and insignificant straws to justify his invasion#pretty sure AM Claude would be like ''hey dimi lemme borrow failnaught back real quick'' and smack GW Claude with it#then kindly hand it back to Dimi and smile and wave
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hi, just letting you know that ahmed 90s-ghost doesn't verify fundraisers anymore! he quit after it got too overwhelming, so you shouldn't @ him asking him to. you can probably find the post about it by searching his blog.
Thanks for letting me know, Anon...
I get it... I REALLY do.
I understand. Y'know I used to be so excited to get Asks. It means someone wants to talk about art and silly cartoon characters with me. But now all I feel is dread. Not because I don't want to help, but because the help I give is never enough. I used to privately mesage back to those Asks, but one became 6 became 10 to... Well. I can't donate. Euros and dollars are valued a lot higher here, thus the opposite is also true. The value of our money is but a paltry bread's worth and even if I split it in crumbs, with the amount of people who approach me for help, it'll soon run dry, but I'm just a student who still rely on my parents financially. So I thought I'd share instead, but that quickly got out of hand. I post one thing and get multiple asks by the HOUR. I already had to apologize for struggling to meet demands before and I only had 3 or 6 rare to come-by short Asks about art. Now I have a hundred and counting I have to check personally. I didn't want to admit it, but I've also long been overwhelmed. I just didn't feel like I had the right to say so. I still don't. But the truth is, anyone can say they're verified too, which is terrible because not only will I be partially responsible for my followers who got scammed by bots or scumbags who take advantage of those at war with fake fundraisers, but even worse is that the help and money may not even reach those who actually need it. I thought I would be fine the first time. I don't really like posting too much about our depressing reality or watching news in general because my account was supposed to be a "safe SPACE" and a "nice little BUBBLE" for us to be happy and escape for awhile, so I didn'tmthink much about rebloggingit at first. I only wanted to help. But it just kept going and I got swept away. There's so many of them, but there's only one of me and I've been spiraling lately. So for now, I will no longer take any Asks about this subject (which I always avoid mentioning directly because the algorithm has it out for putting you guys down and I wanted you all to make it so I didn't tag those reblogs with such). I'll still take Asks provided they're related to my actual content and of course I'll still support raising awareness for Pal est ine, yet I also get it if this may appear selfish to some of you. I tried. I really did. But if you'd rather ignore, unfollow, or block me for this decision, I understand. I'm just sorry it had to come to this and that I wasn't strong enough to help more. -Bubs.
#I'm so very sorry#asks#thank you for your hard work 90s-ghost#I hope you're doing better now#war serves no one#I know a lot of people needs help#but I can't keep up with the demand anymore#I'm feeling burned out and college just started back up again#I know I'm lucky to live the life that I do and I shouldn't get to complain#but I've been spiraling lately cause it's a thankless job that reminds me quick and repeatedly that I can't save everyone#I'm sorry for the onslaught of negativity from me lately#this wasn't what I made my account for#but I'll be back to making more content sooner than you think#it makes me happy and now I REALLY need that escape too#I know I'm a coward who's likely dooming people#I'm disappointed in me too#feel free to unfollow me#but never forget to support those families in need#they're just desperate to live like the rest of us#and please don't harass anyone because of this#that's the LAST thing I want to happen#I want to help them too but I'm stretched thin here#one person can't do this all on their own#so let's support each other instead and unite for this cause#I don't want this war. I don't want this discord.#the ones who does are monsters#people's lives are at stake and even if I barely helped#the same cannot be said if the lot of us were to do our part#please help these victims of war#but let's not forget we're not on our own.
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i hate that finding a good job this day always requires networking. what about us antisocial bitches that say more words to an npc than to a human in a day. i really should be able to get a decent job with skills alone, not through someone i happen to know, because i don’t know that many people.
#also how jobs post listings they already have an internal candidate for#and you apply#do a test task#and get it dismissed with a laughable excuse of ‘grammar mistakes’#(totally didnt happen to me and totally not bitter about it wdym)#job search now is just. hellish. ive searched three months and all i got is an unpaid internship that evolved into a job with less#than livable wage#like its not livable even in cheaper regions of the country let alone the capital where i currently live#together with my bf we make what one of us should ideally make to survive on our own#ah and i also get a laughably tiny stipend from my university#its really Laughably tiny#so tired of corporations not valuing people’s labor what it really costs#like i should be able to afford at least groceries and one room apartment on my salary and maybe something to save for clothes and all#instead all my salary goes on food. for me and my bf and for my lunches at work#thats all i can pay for with my money#this just. makes me so miserable#sorry for whining#arnold’s laments
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you seriously cannot make this up: you have people reblogging fic featuring a racist character as half of the main ship in the morning then trying to give morality lessons in the evening by calling others homophobic over a joke.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE, BABES.
#the finger keeps being pointed at buddie shippers like the other side is not doing anything wrong at all when there is SO MUCH that#could be said about them. and it's all because people want to seem like their choice of preferred ship at the moment is rational and correc#and the thing is it would be so much more honest to say that at the moment you are more compelled by the other ship. some of us may not#understand it and may judge it because HOW. but in the end it's your right!! it's ok!!! you ship what you ship. but to make it seem like#this is the correct choice by saying that it's just the buddie fans turning you off the ship or being crazy... that's stupid. then you also#wouldn't be invested in the other ship because it also has crazy fans and people being terrible.#and like for years and years the buddie side of fandom has had to self-reflect A LOT. and sure not everyone has done it but so many of us#have refused to let others get away with things simply because their otp was ours too. we shamed racists during the chimney punch debacle.#we have called people out on gross top/bottom discourse. we have acknowledged that there are sides to the fandom that have been wrong.#but i have yet to see one single b*ckt*mmy fan engage in public self-reflection about their side of the fandom.#and if the problem was simply with the fans around others well okay whatever you'd be doing a bad job. but to actively also engage in the#bad behavior and then call out others. PLEASE KSKSKSKSKSKSKSK like c'mon!!!!!!!#and at this point words like homophobia keep being thrown around and it's actually vile when they refer to things that are VERY MUCH not#rooted in homophobia at all. twice now a joke that was NOT homophobic has been called homophobic and i think people should reflect#on why they need things to be homophobia so bad when they don't agree with them.#so yeah anyways THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE#discourse#.text
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Also I am VINDICATED that literally all bosses and p.e.s at my new job has said to me "wow you're good at this. This is the fastest anyone has picked this up. You'll advance fast if you actually stay here" Because I can spot design flaws that take like idk engineering sense? I just know what kinds of things are important in design.
So vindicated that I'm a good engineer. Vindicated that I held that company together. They can keep it going (because I set them up to be able to do that) but there is nothing to hold them together. I told the principals that what they'll lose with me is someone to make sure all the parts of the business work together and someone who can make holistic solutions, and that's what they're seeing.
The implication was always that I wasnt a talented engineer. That's what they thought from literally week two (which I know from sources). I wonder what about me made them think in two weeks I was bad at engineering 🤔 I wonder what about me made them think that when I was still learning things like who our customers were and being introduced to people 🤔 literally before I ever took on an engineering project 🤔 not sure! A mystery!
As I was saying in the 'think of things no one has thought of' business class: I have come up with industry standard systems. Is it small? Yes. But it was 100% my design with no co-designers.
#totes bro#is this me not being humble? maybe#but I legitimately think im good at engineering. like i really think im not bad at it#now that everyone around me keeps telling me im good at engineering at the new job (lol)#working in an over 50% female (over 50% nonwhite too) office is great because people dont automatically assume im an idiot#the misogyny in engineering is unbearable#apparently all of the contractors my coworkers work with commit misogyny crimes regularly so its not my imagination#also our whole kind of thing is men make us do their work for them for free because we check for the publics interest#and they dont even try to work inline with what is best. they just try to get away with shit.#EXCEPT for the female PEs! they try to do a good job! so we dont have to pick up their slack#anyway women are simply better engineers. having everyone assume youre bad at engineering makes you better imo#will anyone ever tell you youre better? no.#OH. ALSO. at my last job if the fraud engineer sales guy presented my solutions and products as his own he would get praise from customers#so i eventually stopped saying things were my designs because at least i could get credit that they were good when he presented them#this isnt engineering ethics this is me bitching about misogyny#also with the last post all fields are subject to the military industrial complex. let mech e (and aerospace but you should have known) is#a specific hell because its such a conservative engineering still
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i have lies of p and ff 16 installed and ready to go so i can do something mildly enjoyable my last few days before the school/work death spiral starts up again and instead i'm just sitting here refreshing Webbed Sites and watching nothing interesting appear like
#quite predictably i did in fact get sick at the 3 day long work training held during a massive covid/flu surge#i was masked except for meal/photo times and am up to date on vaccinations tho so thankfully it's just a mild cold#but i'm just sort of tired and unable to focus on anything#honestly tho they could have easily done all those presentations over Teams and been done a lot earlier :/#the weather was really bad the first couple of days too and i know a lot of commuters would have really appreciated doing it virtually#but i guess that wouldn't have let us do all our ~fun~ icebreaker and ~team building activities~!#idk Employer Mandated Socializing and Fun Times just inherently irritate me on a cellular level#tell me how you want a job done and then let me go do it#having us write a group poem about our department for arbitrary points accomplishes literally nothing but wasting all our time#kathryn vs higher education#assorted work nonsense
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hate this fucking college why are you taking every step possible to make it harder for us to be good practitioners this is insane
#like WHY do we have to jump through 15 thousand flaming fucking hoops to get access to basic resources#that almost every other medical school readily provide for their students i don't get it do you want us to be good at our jobs or not#and they're always so obscure and never transparent with their assessments it's so awful and does nothing but stunt our learning#because instead of focusing on effectively understanding basic medical sciences and retaining clinical skills instead i have to put my time#and energy into figuring out how the fuck im supposed to prepare for you dumbass nonsensical assessments that you never let us review#so that i can pass salvage what's left of my gpa get the fuck out of here omg pisses me off so much
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hahaaa our sister says we need to tell the parents about. school. at some point.
#[three of swords]#we're gonna be kicked outta the housseeeee~#no we aren't. stop catastrophizing.#no hes got a point this is a legitimate threat theyve made. amongst worse things.#shut up that's not helping.#we need to find a job first so they're not too angry at us. as long as we're being productive we're still of worth in their eyes.#we know that not how its supposed to be but thats how it is for them. if we secure a job and then tell them maybe they'll be less mad.#but we're not qualified for a lot of these jobs... maybe we can work at this cafe if they let us if we're even able..#god what do we even tell them. we've been lying for weeks.#i dont know why we can't just keep lying for the rest of the semester :/ its not a bad lie if it keeps us safe#BECAUSE THEYRE PAYING FOR IT THEY'LL KNOW SOMETHING'S UP FINANCIALLY!! WE CANT KEEP THIS SHIT UP FOR MONTHS#ohhh we are so scared we are so scared WE ARE SO FUCKING SCARED!!! 🙃#It only gets worse the longer you wait.#we kNOW WE KNOW BUT WE CAN'T#hhhhhh#FUCK!! I HATE LIVING HERE!! WE'RE NOT TELLING THEM RIGHT NOW SO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!#how much can our body cry jesus we need to fuckinh... oh sleep i guess i dont know anymore
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oh yeah i went to a uni open day and allergies decided to pummel me in a rather quiet room with over a hundred other people during a law course presentation when i had ONE tissue that had previously been a bookmark. i only sneezed four times but my right eye and nostril could NOT stop watering i gave in and used my sleeve and it got absolutely soaked in snot 😭😭
#anyway the uni was pretty whelming but i got some useful info about ways to get into the course i want if i don't qualify initially#and some actually really useful info about a lot of work opportunities during the degree. there's an on campus law practice :0#and a lot of places offer jobs through the uni instead of putting them on market#so pretty good stuff#tho i did see my almost-ex (we never really dated but he liked me and i humoured it for a couple days before i realised i did not like him)#and he was pissing me off there i dont feel strongly negatively but man i do not fw him#oh man we're tumblr mutuals hi if you see this.... i would block but i forgot his URL. dont think he uses this often?? ill have a look#and maybe block. yeah#update i scrolled through my tumblr messages to find him and it says his blog does not exist#anyway. wow i got off topic#oh yeah i didnt fw him during our short ideal either#bc i was all uhh yeah im not sure about this lets take it slow bro did NOT take it very slow#anyway it was kind of funny he very obviously liked me for weeks before i caught on it he said 'i like you' and i still did not realise#on halloween he was eager to suggest doing the lady and the tramp spaghetti move on a pocky stick as a 'challenge' and i thought nothing of#it#so that was a cool insight into how oblivious i am in the romance department
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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