#so like. i think it’s not unreasonable of me to want a 21 year old coworker and roommate to also help with being a functional adult

[hunterscabin]

Birthday Dress

Request: Can you do a reader where she is turning twenty one, and the boys don’t want to celebrate, but Claire and her sneak out and Claire ends up taking her to a club, and she gets wasted AF, and they have to sneak back into the bunker, but they get caught. - Anonymous

Pairings: Dean x Reader; Sam x Reader

Warnings: Drinking; drunkenness; overly protective Dean; protective Sam; the tiniest bit of language; angst; fluff

Word Count: 2.1k

Author’s Note: Thank you for the request, Nonnie! I had fun writing this one! For the sake of this story, let’s assume Claire is also 21-years-old. 

“What do you think?" 

Tufts of gold lame billowed as you twirled in your birthday dress. Sam and Dean sat opposite each other at the library table, both wearing a similar shade of bitch face.

"No.” Sam stated flatly.

“Nope.” Dean agreed. “You’re not going out like that.”

“Like what?” you challenged. 

“Like,” Dean struggled to find the words, “like some floozy.”

“Floozy?!” You looked down at your dress, confused and angered by Dean’s response. The skirt hit just above your knee, and while the neckline didn’t leave much to the imagination, it was far more tasteful than anything you’d ever seen on the women Dean liked to bring home.

You tried to compose yourself with a deep breath. You knew Dean’s overprotective nature could get the better of him, and his criticism of your appearance was his way of showing that he cared. Winchester men had many strengths but emotional expression was not one of them.  

“I’m a 21-year-old woman,” you calmly reminded him, “I’m not asking permission to wear this dress, I’m showing it to you.”

“Don’t sass me, young lady!”

While you could appreciate Dean’s well intentions, your patience always faltered when his safeguarding shifted to defensive bickering. You knew you had to stand your ground.

“Or what?” You stared him down. “What are you gonna do about it, old man?”

“I will lock you in your room.” Dean threatened without hesitation, not even acknowledging your insult.

“I’d like to see you try.” you dared.

Sam and Dean shared a quick look before standing in tandem and marching toward you. They each grabbed one of your arms and began dragging you backward. Unable to keep up with their long strides in your heels, you lost your footing.

“Oh, come on!” you squirmed in their grip. “Let me go! I’m serious!”

Sam and Dean stopped short when they reached the entrance of your room, both of them stifling laughter.

“Thank you.” you scoffed, as they released your arms. You smoothed your hands over your dress, grateful that it wasn’t wrinkled during their antics. You stepped forward, but Sam and Dean didn’t budge.

“Go change, Y/N.” Dean’s tight smirk had been replaced with a stoic glare. You knew at that moment he was a lost cause, so you tried the puppy. You could always count on Sam to be level headed and talk Dean down when he got like this.

“Sammy, help me out here.” You flashed him the sweetest smile you could.

“I’m not gonna fight him on this one, Y/N/N.” Sam’s face was surprisingly stern. 

“SAMMY!”

“Y/N, I’m not kidding around.” Dean’s voice slipped into a register not unlike his father’s. “Change, or you’re staying in.”

Dean knew he was being unreasonable, but the idea of men ogling you all night scared the living crap out of him, and if yelling was the only way to keep you from the unwanted attention of grimy bar crawlers, then so be it.

"Come with me!” you compromised. Normally you didn’t barter with the boys when they were being this difficult, but it was your 21st birthday. You didn’t want to change, you looked and felt great, and you certainly weren’t going to celebrate in the drab, concrete confines of the bunker. “You can punch any man who gets within fifteen feet of me!”

“No.” Dean said definitively. “You’re changing, or you’re staying in.”

Sam saw all of the hope and anticipation drain from you, and he quickly tried to remedy the situation.

“We can have a party here!”

“There you go!’” Dean became patronizingly excitable, hoping to reverse the tense atmosphere he created. “Sammy’ll fix you a drink, I’ll cook a nice dinner. Hell, I’ll even let you shoot my new gun!”

“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t really feel like celebrating anymore.” Your mouth creased in a solemn pout. 

“Y/N/N, it’s your birthday!” Sam encouraged.

“Doesn’t feel like it.” You hung your head and retreated into your room, softly closing the door behind you.

Two hours later, Sam entered the kitchen to find every inch of counter space in disarray.

“What’s going on in here?”

“I was too hard on her.” Dean mumbled, whisking aggressively. His focus remained on the bowl in front of him, but Sam could still make out his expression of regret. 

“I just don’t want anyone messing with her.” Dean shook his head, knowing the justification of his actions didn’t matter. He had hurt you, on your birthday no less, and he felt awful.

“So you’re mutilating all of our baking ingredients?”

Dean finally looked up to acknowledge his brother’s presence.

“I’m trying to make her a birthday cake,” he admitted with defeat.

“Softy.” Sam teased.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Dean surveyed the mess he’d made and sighed. 

“She’ll be okay, Dean.” Sam promised, also needing to hear the words for himself.

“I don’t know, man. I’ve never been that hard on her.”

Sam understood his brother’s remorse, having been an accomplice himself.

“Why don’t you go talk to her, and I’ll start cleaning up in here.”

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean clapped Sam on the back as he left the kitchen, leaving a perfect, hand-shaped flour imprint on his flannel.

“I can’t believe you snuck out!” Claire exclaimed, taking a swig of her beer. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud.” She flashed a mischievous smile. “It’s just so not you.”

“Dean went too far, this time.” you exasperated, bending forward to line up your shot. “He doesn’t get to treat me like a child anymore! I know they found me when I was young, but I’m a grown woman now!” you asserted, driving your cue into the ball for emphasis.

“At least you have someone looking out for you.” Claire demurred.

“I’m sorry, Claire.”

“No, no.” She set down her beer. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” She sunk a ball into the corner pocket and turned to face you.

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Dean was only trying to protect you. He loves you. They both do.”

“When did you become the voice of reason?” you demanded, trying to skirt the truth.

“You know I’m right.”

“I know,” you groaned, “I just wish their love didn’t come at the cost of my freedom and mental stability!”

“Dean’s right too, you know.” Claire pointed the neck of her nearly empty beer bottle at you. “That dress does make you look like a floozy.”

“Claire!” you bellowed, playfully shoving her. “You’re the one who lent it to me.”

Claire laughed and grabbed your hand, pulling you toward the bar.

“Come on!” she cheered. “You’ve got some catching up to do.”

“Dean, would you sit down?” Sam gestured to the chair next to him. “You’re gonna wear a hole in the floor.”

Dean had been pacing the length of the library ever since finding your empty room.

“No, Sam. I can’t sit. Y/N is missing!”

“She’s not missing.” Sam reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time. “She snuck out.”

“What if someone took her? What if something took her? Why won’t she answer her phone?” Dean wondered frantically through gritted teeth.

“Might have something to do with you calling her a floozy and then locking her in her bedroom on her birthday.” Sam sassed. 

Dean shot Sam a look that let his younger brother know to keep his mouth shut. Sam said nothing and returned to his book.

After a moment of strained silence, Dean stood. 

“I can’t take it anymore.” he said, reaching for his coat. “I’m going to look for her.”

Just as Dean grabbed his keys, the distinct sound of a car door echoed through the bunker, followed closely by your laughter.

“Thank God.” Sam breathed.

Dean took Sam’s relief as a slight to his own grating worry, but the younger Winchester had also been quietly concerned for your safety, which became immediately clear when he dropped his book to the ground and hurried to the garage.

“Dammit, Y/N!” Claire whispered loudly. “The whole point of sneaking in is to, ya know, sneak back in.”

“Shhhh.” you mocked, crouching low to the ground. Walking in that stance proved difficult, and you toppled over, erupting into another fit of laughter. 

“It’s very hard to believe you’re a trained hunter, right now.” Claire deadpanned. 

You managed to hoist yourself back on your feet only to find Claire frozen in place. You followed her gaze to the other end of the garage and saw Sam and Dean leaning against the tool bench. Claire’s eyes were wide with fear, but you were too far gone to care what the boys thought of your drunken state. 

“SAMMY!” you squealed, running to him. “I love you!" 

You flung your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. You pulled back and were met with his bewildered expression. 

"Such a pretty pony!” you marveled, stroking his hair like a mane. 

“Is this your doing?” Sam asked Claire. 

She held up her hands in surrender.  

“DEANOSAUR!” you lightheartedly shoved Sam over, lunging at Dean. 

“Hey, kiddo.” Dean couldn’t help but reciprocate your hug, and he wrapped his arms around you. “Did you have fun?” 

You looked up at Dean, surprised by his lack of anger, and flashed him an apologetic smile. 

“I’m sorry I left without telling you.” 

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Y/N/N.” Dean assured. “I didn’t really leave you much of a choice. I’m sorry for being a stubborn ass.” 

“It’s okay,” you ruffled his hair, “I know it’s cause you love me.” 

“Now that is my doing.” Claire commented as she walked toward the group. 

“Did you drive here?” Dean questioned.   

“I only had one beer.” Claire defended, but Dean and Sam eyed her suspiciously. 

“I’m serious!” Claire pandered to the boys, closing her eyes and touching each index finger to her nose in turn. 

Sam and Dean nodded at each other in satisfaction, but you stood with a knit in your brow. 

“Claire,” you rasped, “That’s the dumbest dance I’ve ever seen." 

Sam could no longer hold back his laughter, and he let out a loud snicker. 

"Thanks, Claire.” Dean placed a hand on her shoulder. “You wanna come in? It’s getting late, you’re welcome to stay." 

"Nah, I’m okay to drive, and I’d rather sleep in my own bed." 

"Claire! Are you leaving me?!” You forced a clownish frown and crossed your arms. 

“You’ll see me soon!” she promised. “I had fun with you tonight!" 

"Thank you for taking me out after these losers,” you held up your hand to shield the finger you were pointing at the boys, “tried to IMPRISON ME.” 

Claire rolled her eyes and patted you on the head. 

“Not like they could have stopped me anyway. I got these!” You held up your fists and squatted into a fighting stance. 

“What are you gonna do with those Tyson?” Dean joked before noticing the knuckles on your right hand were red and raw. “Y/N, did you hit someone tonight?” 

“YES!” you beamed proudly. “I punched a guy at the bar!” 

“Why would you do that?” Sam interrogated, taking your hand to examine the damage. 

“He tried to grab my ass." 

"What?!” Dean went from amused to enraged in seconds. 

“Don’t worry.” You nonchalantly waved him off. “He couldn’t." 

"Why’s that?" 

"Well, after I punched him, I broke his hand." 

Dean and Sam looked to Claire for confirmation, and she emphatically nodded “Yes” before slipping into her car. Dean smiled proudly. 

"That’s my girl." 

"I broke it so good, Dean. I broke it so hard.” Sam and Dean had to bite the inside of their cheeks to refrain from laughing. 

“I’m amazing.” you whispered, turning to stare at your reflection in the Impala. 

As Claire drove away, Sam came to stand next to you, and your look of pride and admiration melted into one of uncertainty. You slowly turned to face Sam. 

“Sammy?" 

"Y/N/N, what’s wrong?” 

"Sam?” This time your voice was small and scared. Sam and Dean inched closer to you, concern pushing aside their amusement. 

“I’m right here, Y/N/N.” Sam took your hand in his. 

“Sammy,” you swallowed, then declared with all the sincerity in the word, “There are two of you." 

This time, Dean was the one who was unable to contain his laughter. 

"Okay slugger,” Sam gently grabbed your wrist and lifted your arm around his neck, “Let’s get you to bed.” 

The second you were in his arms, you relaxed and let out a dramatic yawn. By the time Sam reached your bedroom, you were already asleep. 

Sam laid you down before taking off your shoes and tucking you in. 

“Man she is entertaining when she’s drunk.” Sam remarked, joining Dean in your doorway. 

“You’re telling me." 

Both brothers watched your sleeping form and smiled quietly. 

"I’m glad she had some fun.” Dean confessed. 

“Me too.” Sam agreed. 

“I’m putting a padlock on her bedroom door, though." 

"Yeah, she’s never leaving this bunker again.”

Masterlist

[iminyournotis]

I was thinking, "I don't even have any friends to be honest with, or tell my shit to, because everybody seems to have some kind of stake in my personal business," but then I remembered TUMBLR EXISTEDDD, so here I am.

1. Ended up snooping on my NINETEEN year old coworker last night because he skipped out on BK with me after work, and I got UNREASONABLY possessive, noticing that he was talking to the new girl at work, and I thought no WAY he's fucking her... She just started. (And he made a WHOOOLE thing to me abt how he doesn't want to hook up-- he just wants to find someone he loves and 'make love'. ((I was all, 'You're completely valid.' and then look at the camera like I'm in The Office then do the finger loop crazy sign at my head's temple, crossing my eyes. LOL.))) So I pulled back up after I finished getting BK alone because I was salty as hell and overly curious, and they were still there an hour and ten after close... I honestly scared them and embarrassed myself and I tore off.

2. Went to the gas station beforehand, because I had started smoking cigarettes again like a day or two ago, because I've been stressed about having Seb cock block his brother from me (and potentially for me. It's complicated.) and it lowkey feels like Caleb ALLLL over again, and it's making me lose my mind, so I'm back to stressedly chuffing.

Went to buy a pack, and this dude hollered in the gas station. I hollered back.

We were talking, I give him my phone number, I told him I'm willing to hook up, he's like 'alright, cool... Maybe pick me up later cause I need a whip,' I'm like, 'Okay.' Cue Burger King and checking where I shouldn't.

3. Go back to my parents' house and dude texts me asking if I was trying to link up... It's late, I tell him yeah anyway. I have work at 8:30, and it's already 11 or midnight by the time we're messaging each other. I end up pulling up to this bar I've never been to around midnight, and I end up taking him and his friend to get blazed out in a parking lot somewhere. Dude I was gonna hook up with doesn't smoke za, but his friend does. I get high and immediately get scared, because now I'm OVI, and I have two young Black men in my vehicle with me, and I get scared that some awful shit was fixing to happen, so I go, 'I'M GETTING YOU BOTH HOME SAFELY. I'm not pulling out until our seat belts are fastened, etc.' Went full mom mode. (Also, at this point, the young man I was with was 22, and his friend was 21. They thought I was younger than even them, which was hilarious. So another predatory woman moment for Mama.)

Drop 21 off. Go to drop 22 off next, but he takes me to this outfield out the way... We park, talk some; he hits it and as he's getting out of the backseat, I go, "Wait, did you finish?" He very non-chalantly said "Yeah," as he's putting his pants back on. I go, "... Did you cum inside me?" He responds pretty deadpan "Yeah." I'M LIKE "WHAT? Did you even plan on telling me???" He goes, "I mean, yeah." I was stunned. He's like, "I mean, you can take a Plan B if you don't feel safe." NFJSJFHJDN I was losing my mind. NOT the fucking point. He's like "Are you mad at me?" I'm like, "TO be honest, yeah."

I drive him back home, he forgets something in my car, I pull back around, he's tryna get me to stay at his mom's house with him for the night (which he pays rent at), I say no. I drive off. He goes, 'Actually, I forgot my hat, too.' I was like 10 minutes down the road and closer to home by the time I saw this message, so I'm like 'Man, I'm keeping it now. Sorry.' He's like, 'alright it's fine. lol.'

End scene. Oh, actually not, because by the time I get back into my city/town, it's like 3:30 AM. I didn't even wash my clothes, I still needed to shower, I haven't really been eating for the last week, so I thought, 'Fuck it. I'm calling off.'

Haven't called off a single time since starting, even through this lowkey nasty cold I had a few weeks ago. So my manager, who I'm WAY too involved with, was like 'wtf?? You're just not coming in?' I'm like yeah. She's like "What's your reason." All investigative. I'm like "Not been eating well. It's for my health." She goes, "Get well." I'm such a fucking loser.

So then I woke up like an hour ago at three PM, and here I am. ❤️ What the fuck is going on with my life, though.

[brookeginko]

Yukair 2, 7, 21 and 22 for the ask thing >:]

YAYYYYYYYY THANK YOU BAGEL YOU KNOW ME SO WELL

2: What’s your favorite canon thing about this character?

I love a most things about Yukari but if I had to pick just one I’d say it’s how realistically she’s written. In her romance route she admits to being jealous and upset when Fuuka hung around Makoto even though she knew it was an unreasonable thing to be upset over, and she says it makes her feel like a horrible person. Similarly in Yakushima she says something along the lines of “After everything that’s happen why does Mitsuru’s father get to live but not mine?” What I particularly like about this part of her character is that she knows what she’s saying is selfish and expresses it to Makoto with that knowledge in mind. She knows that but she can’t stop herself from feeling that way, and it’s so so natural for a girl her age who’s gone through everything she has that it just makes me ooiiiuuughhjjjggn /pos. I will always be a Yukari defender until I die and one of the main criticisms against her is that she’s ’too mean’ and while I obviously disagree with that one of my favorite parts of her is that she’s can be mean and say mean things but that’s because she’s 16 years old and has the fate of the world on her shoulders. I’d be a bit mean too. Rest in peace rank 5 hug scene i will always be your #1 defender.

#7: What’s something the fandom does with this character that you like?

OOH OKAY. I could go with the copout answer of everyone and their mother hcing her as a lesbian but outside the realm of sexuality hcs I like when people draw/write her as more toned and buff because like. Girl is an archer and running around Tartarus for an hour every night can’t be easy. I also like it when people give her archery more significance in general because canon gives us very very little to work with, especially compared to Akihiko ‘definitely doesn’t have a boxing special interest’ Sanada, so I like when people elaborate further on her time on the archery team since we know almost nothing about it.

21: If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

OOH YAYYY okay hm. Admittedly I haven’t written for Yukari as much as I would have liked to but for the 3 or so fics I’ve written about her and the rps I’ve done, I’d say my favorite thing to write is her self-aware jealousy. The line in her romance route about being jealous of Fuuka but it making her feel like a horrible person stuck out to me a lottt so I try to incorporate it in fics as much as I can. Especially in terms of ship fics I think she would be really really jealous of anyone she thinks could be interested in the person she’s interested in but she would feel awful about it and just kinda get caught in a loop of ‘oh no kotone is spending time with akihiko she’s probably crushing on him’ —> ‘oh my god im gonna kill akihiko senpai why is he taking up all of her time does he LIKE her?????? ew’ —> ‘wait no that sounds mean akihiko senpai is fine i guess. it’s not like i own Kotone’s time or anything that was a weird thing to think yukari’ —> ‘oh god im a horrible person Kotone wouldn’t want to spend time with me anyway’ —> gets text from Kotone asking if she wants to come beat up pedestrians with akihiko or something —> back to square one. Unfortunately I don’t think I’ve published any fics with this dynamic but I’ve rped it and have drafts and I just….. I love jealous Yukari so much. Runner up is when she’s protective and somewhat pushy about it. I’ve written this with Shuyuka before because Makoto has the self preservation instincts of a goldfish cracker and I find it very sweet. As for things I don’t like I worry sometimes that I make her a bit too mean to Junpei? Though that’s more of a general Junpei-bullying problem I have rather than a Yukari-specific one LMFAO

22: If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

Despite what my Bible length fanfics would suggest I actually don’t read a ton of fics so I’ll expand this a bit into the fandom in general. As stated above I really like when people make her more athletic but on the flip side I do enjoy when people make her the femmest lesbian to ever femme. I feel like in some situations people try to make femme characters more girlbossy and end up removing a lot of their femininity so I like fics and fanworks that make her a cool archer that also has seventeen dresses in the exact same color. For things I don’t like though, I don’t really like it when Yukari is made to be helpless? I understand that it’s like that in canon a few times (Awakening, Yakushima, something else im probably forgetting) but I feel like a lot of (cishet) shuyuka fans especially tend to make it into a hot yaoi base ‘gigachad door kun x little soft baby yukari’ and i just. comically large frown.

[wildissylupus]

Honestly, the whole 'they're 35+ (or 40+) and they look like they're 20' has not a lot of merit to me. Just because a woman is past the age of 39 does not mean she turns old and decrepit.

Like Ashe, for example. I always thought she was in her mid thirties, and I didn't think it was unreasonable for her to be that old. And from what I've hear (people can correct me if I'm wrong), people in Overwatch's time have been living way longer than we do now (Like, well past 100). If that's the case, then Ashe isn't even middle aged yet.

Though I will say, the only character I've had with a problem with is Sojourn because of her gray hair but she still looked so young. She was supposed to be in her fifties, but she didn't look the part--I just thought she was in her thirties.

I'm also not trying to justify Blizzard's character design, but I'm just tried of people thinking older people (especially women) should look ancient at 45.

With the whole life expectancy thing I couldn't find anything confirming or denying it but it should be said that irl, life spans are increasing. So it is safe to assume that with Overwatch taking place in a sci-fi future where there have been multiple break throughs in medical science that life spans have most likely increased. Not only that but I think we as a society are not used to the image of a women in their late 30s/early 40s without the stress of multiple kids. Yes Ashe runs the Deadlock gang but she does run it alone, she has Frankie and Benz to help her. So yeah she isn't going to be looking the same as what is typically expected of a women that age because as a society we are still used to women that age having multiple kids by that point.

As for Sojourn, an excuse could be made by the fact that she is mostly cybernetic. In the book I'm pretty sure it states that she has head plating and stuff so that could be affecting her physical aging. As for her age... I'm sorry but right now her age is like Kiriko in the fact that it doesn't make sense. With her current age she would have been 14 when she joined the military, not only that but her sister would have been the same age when she gave birth to Bonnie. So yeah. I'm choosing to believe she's the same age as Jack until they change her age to something reasonable.

It still isn't as bad as Kiriko, cause I recently found out her age doesn't even make sense with her own lore cause she was twelve when Sojiro was assassinated. Sojiro had to be assassinated at the very least 12 years ago, which would put Kiriko's at the age of 24, not 21. So Kiriko's age is broken broken.

Can you tell I want to hit my head against a wall?

Anyway I do agree that Sojourn doesn't make much sense without an explanation and even the explanation I gave for why she might look like that is a bit spotty.

[bbygirl-aemond]

Wanted to ask this question a long time ago: how old is everyone exactly? If Aemond in your fic is around 20, that makes Aegon and Helaena older too. And the children, Daemyra's children especially, all seven of them, what are the ages you go by? If I remember correctly, you moved Daemyra's marriage years according to the books rather than series, which also makes everything a little complicated. Can you clarify on the ages please, because I'm a little bit confused.

ooh yes i've been wanting to talk about this actually! i did fudge several of the ages a bit. inspiration came from the show ages (which are a bit nebulous at times), the book ages, and the actor's ages. i'll put a list of all of the main characters' ages below, but first i wanted to explain the justification for some of the larger changes:

aemond: i wanted him to be an actual adult, and to be irish twins with helaena (to strengthen the parallels between them and also for secret valyrian purposes); i didn't want to put a teenager or especially a minor in the mature poltiical and sexual situations i have planned for this work

daeron: i wanted him to be much younger than his other siblings, who are all only a year apart, to emphasize how distant he feels from them. also, aemond was canonically premature and it's not unreasonable that alicent would take a break from having kids after a difficult pregnancy. it also makes viserys more of an asshole for conceiving daeron in the first place since it risked another difficult birth

alicent: i wanted her a little younger, more like fourteen when she was married, to emphasize how awful viserys really was and how helpless she was in that entire situation

rhaenyra: i wanted her a little younger to make her baby daddy decision a little more sympathetic due to immaturity, and to leave more time for future children

daemon: i wanted a more sympathetic reason for his immaturity at the beginning of the series (his youth), to give him and criston more in common to emphasize the parallels drawn between them, and to avoid making myself sad by thinking about him dying 2+ decades before his family because he's old

baela: it's not mentioned that she and rhaena are twins in the show, and they're not played by the same actor the way the lannister twins were, so by the time i realized they were meant to be twins it would've affected the plot. baela has major big sister energy tho so i'm not mad about it

okay so all that being said, here are the (rough) ages that i imagine everyone to be as i write. you'll see that all members of the main triad have been moved closer to their irl actors' ages:

maelor: 2

viserys: 5-6

jaehaera and jaehaerys: 6

aegon the younger: 9

joffrey and alyn: 11-12

rhaena, lucerys, and addam: 14-15

jacaerys, baela, and daeron: 16-17

aemond: 21

helaena: 21 (she and aemond are irish twins)

aegon: 22

rhaenyra: 31-32

alicent: 36

criston and daemon: 41-42

i'm also trying to avoid explicit mentions of people's age for the most part, to leave everything a little squidgy. also if this conflicts horribly with either canon please do not tell me eye do not wish to know <3

[specialscum]

Past a certain point (I wanna say sometime in 2022 but that year was kind of a blur with the ones before and after it, so I can only really be sure that it was after '21 and before '24) I realized I wasn't playing competitive games because I consistently found it fun, but because I thought it *might* make my own or someone else's day a little better. I swore off doing that again (not for the first time, hehe) in the middle of a team deathmatch because I realized no one ever benefits from it long term. You get to not completely hate the entire world for one or two games, and then one of two things happens:

A: Turns out you're a normal person, and you go back to treating others in game like a normal person does (very respectable if you're not rude and/or unreasonable, not very useful)

B: You go back to thinking of people with their in-game roles in mind, but without necessarily liking them (generally a big part of how most people get an understanding of what they're playing and with who, can go really right if you allow yourself to learn, makes you go fucking insane)

The best thing to do for someone in that kind of game is to convince them to quit. Not by telling them that they're "trash" and should "uninstall", just by pointing out the obvious and saying it's just throwing diluted rabies at yourself with the occasional victory to keep you going.

I realize this post may or may not make zero sense, I'm kinda completely pissed and overjoyed and scared and salty and tired right now. If you want something to take away from it that does at least sound coherent, though: There's nothing to be gained. Proving your own skill? Come back at a different time of day, time of month, couple years of people with the same ambitions and fresh faces. You'll try the same thing again, but against your own past. You'll be either old news, old shit, or an old man trying to pass as a veteran to everyone watching.

Or maybe you really are just here for fun? This is the Internet, we don't get together to have fun here. We get together to get divided, and we get divided to have some morbid parody of "fun". Man, remember fun? Fun was so fun, I wish it wasn't brutally murdered in a gross little shed in the back of the middle of nowhere when I turned twelve.

There's no "reason" why people get together in little teams where things either go to hell within 10 minutes, or you make a little alternative interpretation in your brain where we DID fuck up, it just wasn't immediately obvious to the ones who got to feel good together because we were too busy preaching about how great teamwork is while the others went off to die and have the worst cry's ever induced by entertainment. No "reason" to do THAT every day. Just excuses about how "oh but it'll be fine once I just [whatever achievement you're aspiring for, not thinking about how badly you'll want another one after {unless you're not as stupid as me, of course}]". Well it won't be fine. You'd have to get to a point where there's nothing more to achieve for that to happen. Which would only even be possible if you were completely incapable of setting your own arbitrary (pseudo-reasonable) goals *ever*, out of the question.

So that's the post. Last paragraph's conclusion is a little shorter than I planned, but I'm slowly getting more tired and less capable of writing like this. I hope no one ever reads this, and I'm sorry for making it. I would also say I'm sorry for existing, but I'm not in the mood or state to do much more than just lie down and shoot literally *anything* other than this through my brain right now.

[snowdust64]

【Is this OUT or SAFE? 】 – an English summary

I put a very abridged translation of Leos Vincent's collab stream with Ange Katrina, Hakase Fuyuki, and Kaida Haru on 8/5/23 in the YouTube comments. I'm posting it here too, so that maybe a few more fans may find it.

In this stream, Leos reads moral dilemmas submitted by fans and asks the group to vote on whether their actions were reasonable (SAFE) or unreasonable (OUT).

1. Topic: Love  (starting 00:05:40) Submission: I still use things my ex gave me (a cup, a pencil case and so on.) On top of finding it inconvenient to go buy them for myself, I end up thinking about the cost, so I’ve just been using what I already have. The items themselves are blameless, and the breakup went pretty lightly. Would you throw away the things you received? Would you keep using them?

Unanimous: SAFE

Kaida: “Wouldn’t it make more sense to throw them away when you start dating a new person?” Ange: “If the next person said it made them uncomfortable then I’d throw them away.” Hakase: “If the writer is someone who finds it hard to move on, then I’d suggest throwing them away immediately.” 00:09:10  Kaida raises the stakes with “What if it’s a brand-name item, or super expensive? […] Like a car?” Hakase: “I’ll send it to my parents.” Ange: “Whether it’s expensive or not, I would use it or throw it out depending on how the next person felt.” 00:10:13  Leos: “What about something you had really begged them to buy for you in the past?” Hakase and Kaida in favor of selling it and buying a new one. Ange: “I’d feel guilty about selling it, I think I’d still throw out the old.”

2. Topic: Work   (starting 00:13:21) Submission: I don’t feel like greeting people at work, so I’ve gone 5 years without greeting anyone. As in, I don’t like saying “good morning” or “otsukaresamadeshita” (‘thank you for your work.’) I prefer not to bother others with my coming and going at the workplace, and if my senpai’s back is turned to me, they might not even be listening when I greet them. If others greet me first I’ll greet them back normally; I participate in business conversations; I converse with superiors and subordinates and people outside the company. Even so, I just don’t do greetings.

Unanimous: OUT

Hakase: “But if it were between friends, it would be rather fun.” Ange: “It’s not infuriating, but between OUT and SAFE it’s definitely OUT. Leos: “If the writer also didn’t respond to other’s greetings then it would be a total OUT, but […] in the end, it still changes the impression you make.” Kaida: “There’s a sense of camaraderie in greeting people.” 00:17:20  Hakase’s alternate scenario: If it becomes a running gag between friends Kaida: “You’d probably decide what’s right or wrong based on what the people around you consider right or wrong.” Ange: “So, if a group of friends has a norm of never saying good morning, and the new kid comes along and says ‘Good morning!’ it would be really awkward.”

3. Topic: Food  (starting 00:19:52) Submission: When I eat daifuku or warabi mochi, I hold them in my hand like you would with a hamster and tell them things like “You’re cute” and “You’re so well-behaved.” My favorite is water manju. I never get bored of petting their springy, cool bodies, and gradually they become warm and seem even more alive, which makes me love them even more. Feeling this at a max, this time I sucked on one without taking a bite, stuck my tongue in to eat the bean paste, and finally enjoyed the rest of it. I just want to get 120% enjoyment out of my love for food. Personally I believe this is a SAFE…

Kaida: “Your fans are yabai.” Ange: “This person probably shouldn’t get a hamster.”

Unanimous: SAFE – Everyone agrees the writer is not causing trouble for other people.

Hakase: “But stating it simply, I’m super grossed out!” Kaida: “If the writer felt lonely and used food as a stand-in, that would be more off-putting… But if this is how they enjoy their food, then there’s no way around it.” 00:22:34  Leos: “If your own family member did this […] would you pay any mind to it?” Hakase: “Like if my little brother did that? I might tell him ‘eh, you’re gross’.” Ange: “I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just look at them like they were insane. ‘Eh? Eh!?’ but probably not out loud.” Kaida: “I think if that person found happiness that way I’d just accept it. Isn’t it fine?” (here is Ange imagining scary hypotheticals where the writer’s way of loving food carries over to an actual hamster) Leos: “You know Yukimi daifuku, that ice cream mochi? […] I usually gum it around for the first two minutes or so. Is that also SAFE? Just wondering.” All: “Also SAFE.” Hakase: “Maybe if there are people around you, you shouldn’t.” Ange: “I feel like I didn’t need to know that.” (Conversation derails to other food things) 00:26:25  Hakase: “A long time ago I disliked the filling of pork buns so I’d only eat the outside.”

4. Topic: Friendship  (starts 00:28:29) Submission: I have a childhood friend of 20 years. This friend was a casual person, so running late were canceling were pretty common. Long-standing friendships are a good thing, so I accepted an invitation from them. However, shortly before, I had scheduled a date with a guy I met on a dating app, and knew I’d have to cancel that. Not wanting to betray my friendship, I went ahead and ended the relationship.

Ange, Hakase, Leos: SAFE Kaida: OUT

Hakase: “If it were me, I wouldn’t have ended the relationship, but if I heard that my friend did this, I wouldn’t think badly of them.” Ange: “I think, if you want to end a relationship, then you should end it! Can’t be helped, right?” Kaida (summarized): Not a hard OUT, but if you cancel once on a friend of 20 years, it’s unlikely you’ll lose that friendship. Meanwhile this person has missed out on meeting a new person who might have become important in the future. 00:33:30  Leos poses a hypothetical where the four in this stream have agreed to meet for dinner, and he cancels on them to go on a date with someone from a dating app. “How would you feel? Would you shun my existence?” Everyone agrees they wouldn’t mind. 00:36:08  Leos: “Since Kaida and Hakase are wavering between OUT and SAFE… Ange, please make the final judgment!” Ange: “Personally, I think SAFE.”

5. Topic: Lifestyle  (starting 00:37:30) Submission: ‘If no one else is going to use a retort pouch after me, it’s fine not to wash it, right?’ so I thought, and so I don’t wash mine. Anyway, running it under hot water equals disinfection by boiling. I’d assumed everyone was the same, but turns out, people do wash their retort pouches. I’m reluctant. By the way, if I make boiled eggs and the inside of the pouch doesn’t look dirty, I don’t wash it. But surely if it gets out that I’ve been using my retort pouches this way, it’ll draw attention, so I’ve been keeping this a secret from my friends.

Ange and Leos: SAFE Hakase and Kaida: OUT

Kaida’s opinion is based on how you can’t see all contaminants left in the pouch even if it looks clean to the eye. Chicken eggs get dirty because of how they’re laid. Hakase’s opinion is that it doesn’t take much effort to wash a retort pouch, since you would just wash it along with doing dishes like usual. There’s no good reason not to. Ange: “Japan’s chicken eggs are clean! […] By the time they reach the supermarket shelves, they’re perfectly clean. I looked this up before.” 00:42:07  Leos starts an argument over whether it’s hygienic to eat tamagokakegohan (raw egg over rice) based on Kaida’s reasoning 00:44:05  Leos: “As a life hack, what about boiling pasta and a retort pouch together? […] And then storing the pasta in the pouch right away?” Hakase: “No way, no way!” Kaida: “Please use the pot two times!” Ange decides she is fine with it. 00:45:15  Ange: “Then – when you take out a retort pouch to use, since you washed it before putting it away, do you wash it again?” Kaida: “I’d wash it. I’ll rinse it once.” (dramatic gasps) Ange: “Clean freak! […] Ah, so our philosophies really are that different.” Hakase: “I feel like I understand Ange’s opinion better so right now I’d be okay with either answer. […] I would definitely wash my own, but what other people do wouldn’t bother me.” 00:46:28  Leos: “To finish this, let’s have Hakase make the final call. […] Ange and Kaida can each make one last appeal on her judgment.” Hakase: “I see, then… SAFE.” (No appeals granted.)

6. Topic: Family  (starting 00:48:13) Submission: I want my little brother to find out that we were born to different parents, since our parents have been hiding it. He is much younger than me. I thought our parents would have told him in middle school, but he has become a college student without ever being informed. If this is judged SAFE, I will do an anniversary reveal.

Ange, Hakase, Kaida: OUT Leos: SAFE

Ange: (referring to her own family tree) “After they found out, I once heard someone say they would have been better off not knowing. […] Also, what kind of anniversary? […] If he’s lived up to this point not knowing, then maybe it’s fine to keep it this way.” Hakase: “First of all, family matters should be discussed with the parents first? […] If the parents say it’s fine to tell him, then it’s fine.” Kaida: “It’s not an individual person’s issue, so everyone affected should participate. […] To the writer, this info may be pretty light, but to the little brother, it’s a huge thing to find out. The reveal needs to be taken more seriously.” Leos: “I see. Hmm, well I very simply thought it would be interesting to reveal it so I answered SAFE.” (Some discussion on how people react differently to life-changing info depending on their personalities) 00:55:26  Kaida: “This one should be OUT. Unless Leos is okay with taking responsibility? […] If it goes badly and you’re asked to pay up or something?” Leos: “… Let’s say this is OUT! This is no good! If you really want to tell him, at least consult your parents first.” Hakase: “Somehow you’ve changed huh.” Ange: “You want to be entertained, but you don’t want to be responsible.”

7. Topic: Love/Money  (starting 00:56:30) Submission: Is it okay to go into debt to give presents to a lover? While we were dating, my ex-boyfriend borrowed 1 million for us to have fun and spend on luxury. Over two years, I helped him repay the loan. When this ex-boyfriend proposed to me, he gave me a wristwatch worth some 5 million and a handmade engagement ring that looked like an iron plate. He was again in debt because of the watch and ring, and we paid it off in no time. Overjoyed, he borrowed money to start vocal training and form a band. I thought, ‘Surely getting married won’t go well!?’ and so we went to a Metal Slug 3 concert to commemorate and then peacefully split up. I’d like to hear the guests’ thoughts.

Ange, Hakase, Kaida: OUT Leos: SAFE

Leos: “I do believe there are things that can only be obtained right then and there. […] If there’s something that the other person would be delighted to have, or if you want to have a good time together at that moment, […] whether you break up or not later on, I think SAFE for going into debt to give presents to a lover.” Kaida: “To be blunt, rather than the handmade ring or wristwatch that put him in 5 million of debt, wouldn’t a person be happier receiving a present that cost nothing and brought on no debt? […] Also, there’s a lack of an honor code between this couple.” Hakase: “It says they both helped pay off the debt, but in the end, isn’t it just yourself losing out? Besides, I don’t need a present that puts me in debt. […] I’d just be like, ‘Please use money wisely.’” Ange: “For me – by the way, taking on debt to give a present is SAFE, I think. […] But! This person is taking debt too lightly! […] Looking at this history, I would have helped him with debt before, and might need to again from now on, so as Hakase said, I’ll end up paying for it too.” 01:02:37  Hakase: “Well, they dated for two years so I guess he must be a good guy. Moreover they broke up peacefully.” Leos: “I might want this person as a friend, but as a relative or lover things would be tough.”

[folfar]

11, 35, 49, 52, 59, 63 and 74 of the fic writer prompt

okay so firsty sorry that this is ten billion years late....

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Genuinely have not been reading fic recently so have three long-time faves instead!

Concordia - Ccainao3

Obviously this fic is genius, its so perfect, everyone loves it BUT I don't think it gets the recognition it deserves for having the best summary of perhaps all time:

He’d had hope, after those talks, that when the sting of Olympic loss had faded he and Auguste would be able to salvage something of their old friendship. This doesn’t seem likely now. Sorry I gave you a concussion when I checked you is one thing; sorry I beat you out for the gold medal and then had your little brother wear it while I fucked him is another.

DREAMY SIGH!!!! Also Auguste is so damaged <3 fic writer cocaine ao3 and i are on the same wavelength when it comes to grievous head injuries <3

like a solar flare in the rising sun - Lazulisong

This fic is like a little pearl, a perfect morsel, an absolute dream of a scene. Damen, helpless. The sense of character and place and tension is so well done - it's short and it doesn't need to be longer because it's so gorgeous the way it is.

stars in secret influence - crimson_adder

I am a big believer that a wip need not be 'finished' to be 'good' and this fic is PERFECT.

Anastasia AU that is SO funny, so clever, so well put together - and, rubbing my greedy little hands together, a perfectly executed amnesia fic. brain trauma!!!! However funny you think this is, it is funnier.

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

HMM! I guess that they have a motivation - they are a villain because they're acting towards a goal that is at odds with the protagonist? Sometimes the motivation is to be dick and the goal is to make the protag feel awful, though. It doesn't have to be complicated.

Oh and also just because someone is a monster doesn't mean you can't have fun with it! I LUV the segment in Sunblind chapter 21 when Auguste is in the bad-end dream, and his Uncle is like 'hey :) want me to be your anointed heir?' and auguste genuinely doesn't get it. that was funny to me, a simpleton.

49. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

NO which is good because i am the most oversensitive person alive!

52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I am trying to reply to every comment I get this year! it was a new year's resolution. I used not to but that was mostly a combo of being shy and having weird feelings about artificially inflating my comment count because I was a little fool. I'm trying to reply to everyone because I LOVE getting comments, it IS the only thing that motivates me, and i want to thank people <3 i luv everyone who comments on my fics hugely and unreasonably

also, another resolution this year was to leave a comment on every fic I finish, which everyone should do! I'm a hardliner, sorry.

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

yes actually! thought i would take it to my grave and then lockdown happened. now i update said friends when i hit a significant milestone. sometimes they ask me if 'that big thing you're writing' is finished yet and i have to say no, shamefaced.

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

okay so I already said d*ddy k*nk but incest or worse, untagged incest vibes. also i really don't like exhibitionism when the people being exhibitioned to aren't enthusiastically involved.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

asides, so many asides. random segues into character backgrounds - not so much much tangents as parabolas because I do think they tie into the main plot but... sometimes I honestly come up with a random snippet of character history and then have to write a fic around it because I like it so much. This is one that currently doesn't have a fic attached, but will eventually fit into the Brexit storyline* -

Laurent has a surprising passion for offal; no one can pin down if it’s because he’s French or if it’s some sort of animal rights thing about honouring each part of the creature.  If pressed Auguste will say it’s stubbornness, because Mama had tricked Laurent into thinking that pâté was ‘special jam’ when he was a truculent child. The meaty origins of this treat were revealed only when Laurent was caught feeding it to his pony Daisy (thereafter renamed Cannibal by all and sundry), and Laurent had decided to double down on his passion for it, possibly to cover up the fact that he had been feeding Cannibal-neé-Daisy regular jam for the past three years.  That’s why her teeth are so bad! Mama had exclaimed. All those vets bills, Papá had said mournfully, stroking his moustache.

oh lol i actually had to come back to this and add another tell which is of course: character has intensely real but not prophetic dream and/or character succumbs to a fugue state and/or character keeps going to sleep at strange times. you know when you think something is a universal experience and then people are like 'girl no what's wrong with you?' anyway. hashtag narcolepsy rep or w/e

AND 55 which you sent me in a different ask lmao: Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

my secret second favourite character to write is a tie between Jokaste and Nicaise. Nicaise is self explanatory, because he is So Fun to write. I have a fic here from his POV! Please read it (jeb 'please clap' voice).

Jokaste is the darling of my heart. You can tell this because she has shown up in 0.01% of my stuff on Ao3 which is how I show my affection. She is however in like. All of my WiPs. Looking at my google drive nd of the 4 things I am actively (cough cough) working on now she has a prominent role in 3 of them. No one asked for this! But I am so intrigued by her. Her canon characterisation is literally just that line from blades of glory when will ferrel goes "nobody knows what it means! but its provocative!"

here is a snip from one of said wips:

Jokaste, as if feeling the weight of his annoyance, rolled her head around to look at him. “You should try dermarolling,” she said, apropos of nothing, because she was awful. “What? You need to start stimulating collagen production. You’re looking a bit -” she made a dismissive gesture around the cheek area “- sunken.” Laurent communicated with his eyes that he would always loathe her.

[pampinto]

(message from me once finishing: I wrote this as a stream of conciseness when I was upset, Idk if I even have a point to get across I haven't read it)

I am just fucking crazy.

I didn't do the cleaning because I am a lazy piece of shit who doesn't want to get better.

they are asking a reasonable thing and I am reacting poorly.

when asked if i am going to do the cleaning today no is an inappropriate answer unless justified, i have to give a justification regardless of how personal the answer is.

I MUST KNOW I am being unreasonable at the centre of it.

IDK i feel like there is a hostile home environment wherein if I say no, to any request, as long as the request is reasonable I am an asshole, I should be able to say no, and I shouldn't need to drudge into why.

maybe stopping citalopram was a bad idea, maybe leaving a job on old terms was a bad idea, maybe starting a new job at the same time was a bad idea, maybe stressing about how "much" you have transitioned is a bad idea, maybe being balzie about how much you have made an effort to transition knowing full well your going to regret it later is a bad idea, maybe letting that get to your head was a very bad idea.

maybe these messages are playing on your mind (these messages are a combonation from my two housemates xx and yy)

yy:"We understand you might not be in the best headspace all the time But it's not an excuse to be so difficult"

I have tried to explain myself in the past and it hasn't worked and just lead to further interrogation wherein it is decided my life isn't so bad so I shouldn't be depressed really and I am choosing to be depressed. and I didn't say anything at the time because I don't want to loose my only friend, but I now I realise its hurtful, and I should have said something, but if I'm faking depression what else does he think I am faking, he has continued to use bro despite being asked not to (I never call him out). No that is an evil thought in my mind to make me feel crazy and unsafe and its not true.

xx:"I shouldn’t even have to ask you to clean, you’re 25 years old and should have learnt by now to just do it. i understand that you’re mental health isn’t the best but at the end of the day that is not my responsibility and you need to start being productive on the days where it’s not as bad."

I have said in the past what may seem simple and automatic for some may be hard for others, I have also explained when I am in a bad spot simple things like cleaning, eating, brushing my teeth, bathing all fall to the wayside.

I never really like the you are X years old thing as an argument as it implies a communal experience through life where by everyone learns the exact same skills and habits at certain ages, when the truth is everyone diverges in skills the older they get. But coming from a 21 y/o it makes sense not a dig at their age but like idk mang I grew up in a house with two working parents where we cleaned the house once a month we didn't do weekly cleans.

yy:"No I'm definitely getting it, you want a free pass from doing housework no questions asked

I don't care if I lived in worse places before that's really irrelevant, it's not uni anymore, I like being cleaner than that now.

Pam you have the facilities to do 30 mins of housework a week, you would just rather smoke weed and watch YouTube."

Again it feels like they are seeing my depression as an excuse to get away with not cleaning rather than an explanation to why its not being done.

I had said "we have both lived in houses that have been a lot worse" it was a response to you'd have a hard time in any other house, except I haven't, I have lived in 4 shared accommodation houses, with housemates that did varying degrees of cleaning. Now in all fairness I do watch a lot of you tube and sometimes partake (if your an employer please have already stopped reading, if not please no I was in a bad place in my life was written and I'm over it now) but I don't think they get the paralysis/exhaustion that can come from being depressed.

yy"Life's tough, everyone has shit going, I'm not denying that you're struggling, but if you want to live in peace You have to make more of an effort to pull your weight, Or at least be a better communicator and not be so difficult when youre asked to do your fair share"

again its very I know your struggling but who get on with it or deal with the backlash. I have tried to communicate before, just to be told I'm making excuses I am making it up.

This all started from

xx:"we need to keep an eye on it in the meantime [I was being accused of turning the heating on in the middle of the night before suggesting that it may just have an auto feature when the temp drops], please do some cleaning today"

me: "no"

xx:"why"

me: "I don't need to explain myself to you."

xx:"I really don't want this to be an argument, all I'm asking is that you do one bit of cleaning each week"

me: just leave me alone xx

"why is this such a problem"[end]

idk I am just tired of saying I don't feel up for it and being met with backlash they were only asking why to argue I had the time to do it, of course I had time to do it, unfortunately at the time i could have done it, I was a depressed lump trying to slowly drown herself in the sofa. my housemate has asked not to hear about my depression or any struggles as it effects her mental heath as she then feels responsible, fine but what do I say when that's the answer to the question.

Probably not " I don't need to explain myself" that wasn't a good idea. I feel the response after is threatening an argument, which with her includes personal digs, manipulation, intimidation and passive aggressive abusive tactics. But in retrospect I can see that i could be seen as starting the argument by refusing to elaborate. but as said above what am i supposed to answer? if I answer yes and it doesn't get done then its double damn me, its a no win situation.

Like I think I have just lost the fucking plot, jumped of the depended into incomprehensible thought. I must be unreasonable in my position they must be right, right? what the fuck can I even do I have pushed it beyond limits. I am the problem and I always am.

[dilfcherricola]

Trying not to resent my roommate/coworker for things that are not in faer control but damn if the things aren’t making my life harder

[princeescaluswords]

What annoys me abt ppl dissing on scott for not getting Derek's help is .... Did Derek even offer? Did he do anything but loom and make vague threats? Like, i get it, he's 21 and traumatised, but you'd think he'd make the bare min effort of " hey, here's how things work, here's the magic mantra of not murder everyone on full moon"

That's a very good point. Derek never offers Scott help without demanding something in return.

Wolf Moon: You will. And you're gonna need me if you want to learn how to control it. So you and me, Scott - We're brothers now. Second Chance at First Line: And they won't! Because if you even try to play in that game on Saturday - I'm gonna kill you myself. Pack Mentality: Probably. Look, I can show you how to remember. I can show you how to control the shift, even on a full moon. But it's not gonna come for free. Magic Bullet: Then think about this. The Alpha called you out against your will. He's gonna do it again. Next time you either kill with him or you get killed. So if you wanna stay alive, then you need me. Find the bullet.

And one more for good measure, note my emphasis, from The Tell (1x05):

Scott: You know, I have a life too.

Derek: No, you don't.

Scott: Yes, I do! I don't care what you say about him making me his pet or -

Derek: Part of his pack.

Scott: Whatever. I have homework to do. I have to go to a parent/teacher conference tomorrow because I'm failing chemistry.

Derek: You wanna do homework? Or do you wanna not die? You have less than a week until the full moon. You don't kill with him, he kills you.

Scott: Okay, seriously, who made up these rules?

Derek: It's a rite of passage into his pack.

What always amazes me is how pissy parts of the fandom get when Scott doesn't seem to want to be part of Derek's pack. Derek literally spends the first nine episodes of this show demonstrating repeatedly that he sees Scott as nothing more than a means to an end. There's not a single scene where Derek offers "comfort" to Scott, or suggests how Scott can get what he wants if he works at it, or reassures Scott that his whole life isn't necessarily destroyed. Instead, Derek repeatedly scorns every single thing that's important to Scott: Stiles, Allison, lacrosse, doing homework, because it doesn't get Derek what he wants -- the person who murdered his sister.

He's not doing this for Scott's own good; there's not a single scene where Derek interacts with Scott where he isn't working towards that goal. Even when he stops Scott from attacking Jackson and Allison in Lunatic (1x08), he's says it himself that he's there because he's focused on the alpha.

Derek: Stop! Scott, stop!

Scott: What's happening to me?

Derek: Exactly what he wants to happen.

You know how I can tell that Derek doesn't give a shit about Scott? Because the moment Derek finds out who the alpha actually is he turns on Scott. He betrays him in Co-Captain (1x10) after promising to help him get the bogus cure. Derek might be shocked at what Peter does to Scott, but he doesn't even help him up off the shower floor. He walks away.

And you know what? It's fine. It's understandable with all that Derek goes through that he doesn't put the needs of a sixteen-year-old boy above his own need to take care of his family. It's callous and mercenary, but it doesn't put him beyond the pale -- which Scott recognizes and doesn't hold against him (and that's part of what makes Scott a heroic protagonist).

What's not understandable is the way parts of the fandom try to make it seem that Scott is entirely unreasonable for not wanting to join the pack of a man who threatened to kill him, who told Scott that his life is pointless, who conceals crucial information in order to manipulate Scott, who breaks Scott's things and his bones to make a point, and who delivers him to the serial killing monster who mutilated him.

In return? Scott doesn't try to kill Derek. He saves Derek just as much as Derek saves him. He doesn't treat Derek like Peter. He simply says he doesn't want to join his pack, because while it might make Derek happy (and more powerful) if he does so, it won't make Scott happy. And while Scott doesn't trust Derek for good reason, he still helps out when Derek needs it.

And for the fandom, that's unforgivable and disqualifying. They don't like Scott because he actually makes decisions for himself and values his own personal dignity and desires as much as Derek's, and that's not how this was supposed to go. Derek may be a lying, brutal, treacherous bully who offers Scott a cure and then snatches it away, but there's something ineffable about Derek that demands that Scott put Derek's needs first. (I know what that ineffable quality is; see the bottom of the post).

Yet for those parts of the fandom, this scorn doesn't go for either Stiles or Jackson. Stiles scolds Scott for trusting Derek and wanting to help and be helped by Derek, and he literally encourages Scott and Allison to encompass Derek's death, but there is no similar rejection of Stiles. Jackson is an absolute dick to Derek, alternatively sneering and whining at him, especially after he gets what Jackson thinks he deserves, and yet there's no dearth of pro-Jackson in the Hale Pack content.

There's a reason I see gifsets -- among loads of other content which mocks and scorns Scott's reasons for being disinterested in serving the man who stood by while he was repeatedly violated -- of the Hale Pack which include Stiles (who was never asked to be in the pack and expressed no interest in being in it) and Jackson (who resisted Derek ten times harder than Scott ever tried) but not Scott. I don't know, there was be a unique quality or phenomenon that makes Stiles and Jackson's antipathy toward Derek more palatable than Scott's. (Hint: they're white.)

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[goldenworldsabound]

Before Crisis is SO interesting and it's really a shame it was never officially localized for the West. I found an amazing translation on Youtube and like for the most part I'd been like hm yeah this is okay but suddenly it picked up and I am DEEPLY invested. It lends so much world building and personality to the Turks, establishing that they were more than just Rude, Reno, and Tseng (and eventually Elena). And establishing what AVALANCHE was prior to the main events of the game! And I've come to really like Shotgun, the player character, as well. She's really cool.

Rufus was SUCH a brat though. He was about 18 I think (and then we timed skipped so now he's 21 and been locked away for 3 years oof) when he was feeding AVALANCHE information about Shinra and like...he does read like a bratty 18 year old, compared to the person he is in the main game and AC.

All this to say I am FULLY back on my Rufus bullshit fkjdsahfkjdsa thinking a lot about how his father does seem to actually care about him. Rufus caused...SO much trouble for Shinra and his father by feeding a literal terrorist organization information. But his father keeps that a secret from everyone but the Turks, and his only punishment is to be locked in the Turks HQ so he can't cause more trouble. His father even says stuff like, "foolish boy, I'm going to hand the company over to him, he just needs to be patient" like. He's very forgiving of Rufus literally trying to assassinate him. And when the Turks decide to follow their old leader Verdot and betray Shinra, Rufus' father is like "shit. I have to be careful. They have Rufus." We've mostly seen him being very like DEMANDING unreasonable things of people and not caring who gets hurt. But he does care about Rufus.

Now. He's still a really shitty father for a range of reasons. But like...it just gets to me. The child who hates their parent, because their parent has treated them badly. The child who hates their parent, and tries to believe that their parent hates them too, even when there are signs to the contrary, because if they didn't, why did the parent hurt them so much? Refusing to see it because the cognitive dissonance is too much. I relate a lot to a love hate with my parents. Making mistakes that impact you for your entire life, but giving you opportunities that led to your success, and loving you even if express it poorly and in spite of the mistakes they've made.

It's my personal belief that it's something Rufus struggles with. And he's forced to confront it when, as covered in "On The Way To A Smile", he falls all those like. 70 fucking stories. Into that room his father built because of something 5 year old Rufus said. There's a big L for LOSER on the ceiling because he thought 5 year old Rufus thinking an escape route from the executive suite on the top of the building was dumb and cowardly and made him a loser. But he built it anyway. And the thing, really, that gets him. Is that. There's a keycode needed to leave the room. Rufus has broken ribs and more from falling all that way, and he's tried a variety of codes. There's one he hasn't tried, and he puts it off. He doesn't want to try it. But he does. And it works. And that code being his own birthday was so...it hit so hard, I thought. Because that's the sort of thing a parent who loves their child would do. And Rufus doesn't know this, but the book mentions it, that all of his father's personal key codes were his son's birthday. And that just makes the way that their relationship turned out just feel so much...sadder. I dunno. I have a lot of feelings about it, clearly. Rufus is born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but all the same, his relationship with his father is horrendous. And it no doubt is something that will stick with him, influence him, his entire life.

so uh yeah thanks for coming to my TED talk. Happy to elaborate on anything since I'm sure I left out details fkdjhsa

[binderclipdocs]

Hello! I’m wondering what your take is on Dear Friend (and especially “I’m in love with a friend of mine”?) I find the song a little confusing, and I’ve read a lot of different interpretations. I really love your films and I know you’ve done a lot of research, would love to know what you think. Thanks!

Thanks for your appreciation, anon!  I love Dear Friend and am happy to share my thoughts on this haunting, mournful, mysterious song!

I’ll be the first to admit the lyrics are confusing (like so many McCartney songs!), mostly by virtue of the fact that Paul uses “friend” twice in a row.  Are there two friends, or only one?  By using the word “friend” on top of each other as he does, it suggests either a single friend (the titular “Dear Friend”) in two situations OR two friends, in separate/competing situations.

Dear Friend, throw the wine 

I’m in love with a friend of mine 

Really, truly, young and newlywed

Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, interpretation, fantasy, etc.  and no one but McCartney himself can definitively declare precisely what he meant with this song.  But it’s my opinion that Paul was saying the latter; that he is in love with his friend and new wife, Linda.  This is my conclusion after having deeply researched this period extensively for TWO documentary series (McCartney (2020) and Understanding Lennon/McCartney), an opinion that obviously no one is required to entertain and anyone is free to discard.  But for those who are interested, I’ll share my reasoning below.

Firstly, this is NOT an attempt to disprove that Paul was ever in love with John or vice verse.  They both used this term publicly and therefore probably/possibly did privately with each other as well.  But Paul’s statements in April, 1970 pretty clearly spell out the situation:

“Personally, I don’t think John could do the Beatles thing now. I don’t think it would be good for him.

John’s in love with Yoko, and he’s no longer in love with the other three of us. And let’s face it, we were in love with the Beatles as much as anyone.”

So John and Paul were “in love” (with each other as people, or the Beatles as a concept, or Lennon/McCartney as a team, etc) for a long time.  But by 1970, they both have new spouses and new lives and are following different paths.  Here’s a brief recap of the events that led to this statement:

In a now-famous meeting in September 1969, John told Paul that he was leaving the Beatles and wanted a divorce.  Whether this was an idle threat designed to scare/hurt Paul, or a real desire on John’s part is open to interpretation, but Paul, for his part, took it seriously.  

Allen Klein asked John not to go public with his decision to leave the group and John happily and uncharacteristically agreed to sit on this “news” indefinitely.  Paul subsequently disappeared for 6-8 weeks, mourned the loss of the band privately in Scotland, and then began working on his first solo album. Communication between John and Paul fell apart at that point, and John began a campaign of maneuvers - possibly engineered or facilitated by Klein - to bring Paul back into the Beatles’ fold and force him to submit to Klein’s management and John’s leadership. Backed into a proverbial corner by John, George, Ringo, Yoko and Klein, Paul played the last card he had: he quit.

In April 1970, Paul made the split official (deliberately or accidentally? YMMV) with the release of his first solo LP, and attempted to finalize the divorce with an uncooperative John for the remainder of the year. As is pretty well-documented, Paul tried for a quick and amicable split, requesting a release from the Beatles’ contract. But after John was unresponsive and Allen Klein advised him to set duplicitous legal traps that would prevent Paul from separating from the Beatles, Paul (as advised by his lawyers) decided to sue for divorce by the end of 1970.

By 2020, even the most casual Beatles fans know two basic truisms: 1) that Paul loved John always and 2) that Paul didn’t want the band to break up. Of course there’s more to the story than just that. We have also been told repeatedly that John “left Paul,” but this is not the whole truth either.

Essentially what John did was yell “I’m breaking up with you!” and then block the door every time Paul tried to leave.

As late as September, 1971 John is still saying publicly that he hopes Paul will return.  

Int.: Let's talk a bit about Paul's aversion to Klein. From what we've read it seemed as if this wasn't there in the beginning, even though Paul wanted the Eastmans to run things. But it came on later as things progressed. And yet despite this, we gather that Klein was still hoping that Paul would return to the group.

John: Oh, he'd love it if Paul would come back. I think he was hoping he would for years and years. He thought that if he did something, to show Paul that he could do it, Paul would come around. But no chance. I mean, I want him to come out of it, too, you know. He will one day. I give him five years, I've said that. In five years he'll wake up.

[Narrator voice: Paul did not came back.]

Yes, Paul loved John.  No, Paul didn’t want the Beatles to break up.  

But when John said he wanted out, Paul took him seriously, respected his decision, never made a single attempt to woo John back and showed up 6 months later with a moving van and divorce papers.

When you hear Dear Friend out of context -knowing only that Paul loved John and was sad after the breakup- it’s not wholly unreasonable to think maybe Paul was declaring his eternal love for John here:

I’m in love with a friend of mine really, truly, young and newlywed

But when you experience Dear Friend in the proper context, that interpretation sounds less and less likely.  Here’s Paul:

April 21, 1970

“I’m not blaming her. I’m blaming me. You can’t blame John for falling in love with Yoko any more than you can blame me for falling in love with Linda.

We tried writing together a few more times, but I think we both decided it would be easier to work separately.  I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Summer 1970

Paul writes John a 12-page letter requesting that they “let each other out of the trap.” John’s response was a picture of himself and Yoko with a balloon drawn above his head saying “How and Why?”

Paul responded: “How? By singing a paper that says we hereby dissolve our partnership. Why? Because there is no partnership.”

April 16, 1971

PAUL:  “We used to get asked at press conferences, 'What are you going to do when the bubble bursts?' When I talked to John just the other day, he said something about, 'Well, the bubble's going to burst.' And I said, 'It has burst. That's the point. That's why I've had to do this, why l had to apply to the court. You don't think I really enjoy doing that kind of stuff. I had to do it because the bubble has burst-- everywhere but on paper.' That's the only place we're tied now.”

Nov 11, 1971

MM: But John said to me that what you’d done in bringing the [court] trials up and everything was what they all wanted, that you’d just done it a lot earlier than they would have done.

PAUL: Well if that’s true, well… well, come on! That’s – see, I’ve told you… The joke is, though, that we don’t have to do trials. It’s not necessary. If the four Beatles signed a bit of paper, or even ripped the old contract up and said, “This contract is no longer valid, we all hereby said it, we all legally direct the shareholders…” the whole thing, to wind it all up, we could do it. And if that’s really what he wants, he could do it this minute. [snaps fingers]

Furthermore, Paul was deeply in love with Linda during this period, as reflected by: the songs on both McCartney and RAM, the testimony of those around them at the time and by Paul’s own recollections.  The first few years of Paul and Linda’s marriage was their honeymoon period, their era as newlyweds.  It was certainly an awful time for Paul in many respects:  the business battles of the Beatles were excruciating and extremely stressful and the loss of his three best friends was heartbreaking. Furthermore, the rock press had largely turned against him (sometimes viciously so), and John & Yoko (and Allen Klein) were painting him as a traitor to the counterculture and a villain for destroying the Beatles with his granny music, giant ego and overbearing personality.  Paul and Linda were extremely isolated, partially by choice and partially by force.  

But even though this was a terrible time for Paul in many respects, he was extremely happy with his new family.  He later described this period with Linda as one of the happiest periods of their life. Paul has said numerous times Linda (along with nature and horse-riding) brought him out of depression after the Beatles ended and gave him the strength to push forward with his solo career, at a time when many were rooting against him (and a literal cult was forming that claimed he was DEAD and had been replaced by an inferior imposter- let that sink in for a moment!).  He has been consistent about it over the years, and reiterated it as recently as 2020:

UNCUT: Tell me about the guy in the photo n the McCartney sleeve.  He looks happy. 

PAUL:  I was really happy, yeah.  The Beatles had become such a business machine, and with the arrival of Allen Klein the whole thing, every day was very unpleasant. 

UNCUT: So there you were on the farm, finding solace in a new family... 

PAUL: Yes. I had a little place in Scotland.  So we just went out there. “It’s so remote, no one can be bothered trekking all the way up here for a meeting.” It was a good period. We grabbed our freedom- you know what, we seized the day! Also, I had a new baby; I’d not been a father before, so I was very happy.

In December of 1970, John gave his infamous Lennon Remembers interview to Rolling Stone.  According to the liner notes of the Wildlife reissue from 2018 (and confirmed by the timing of the demo), Paul composed Dear Friend in reaction to John’s comments in that interview (not How Do You Sleep, as is commonly believed).  But he sat on the song for awhile and didn’t record it until late 1971 (for inclusion on Wildlife).  Judging from the tone of Too Many People and other songs on RAM, Paul’s initial sadness, confusion and disappointment gradually morphed into (or perhaps swung back and forth between) anger and defiance, accompanied by a taunting and/or gloating tone.  Having gotten Dear Friend out of his system, it seems it simply didn’t fit thematically on RAM. Perhaps after the release of HDYS, Paul was deflated and despondent enough to return to Dear Friend?  Perhaps Jealous Guy tempered or calmed Paul’s anger?   

Or maybe it was just a genuine attempt to turn the heat down.  We know that immediately following its release, John and Paul agreed (seemingly at Paul’s insistence) to quit bickering in public.

In any case, Dear Friend is a complex songs with a spectrum of emotions. Unlike Jealous Guy it is not apologetic; it’s mournful but also incredulous and slightly accusatory.  Paul appears to be calling John’s bluff:  Do you really believe all the bullshit you’re spewing?

Are you a fool, or is it true?

The John Lennon of Lennon Remembers is without hope or faith, denouncing everything he ever believed in and everyone he ever trusted -with the notable exceptions of Allen Klein, Phil Spector and Yoko.  Paul clearly loves John and hopes to salvage their relationship, but Dear Friend was written at a time when John was being manipulated and exploited by people he later admitted were misplaced “daddy figures.” While Klein and Spector turned out to not be the most reliable friends to John, Paul certainly seems to know and understand John’s vulnerabilities and motivations better than most.  As he sings in the demo:

Are you afraid?  Or are you blue?

So why does Paul mention that he’s newlywed and in love with Linda? Firstly, because he is, and he wants to celebrate with his best friend. We know Paul’s desire was for the two couples to make peace and be friends.  Pour the Wine.  Clink glasses and celebrate their new marriages together.

PAUL: Dear Friend was to do with John, a bit of longing about John. Let’s have a glass of wine and forget about it. A making up song. (July 2001).

This is precisely what the two couples did in December of 1971, immediately following the release of Wildlife.  

JOHN: We were both nervous, the four of us were nervous. I hadn’t seen him for a long time. I’d spoken on the phone [with him]. Uh, it was alright, you know. It was alright.

This is precisely what happened again throughout 1974 (with John & May Pang this time around), which John affectionately called their “Beaujolais evenings.”   

Admittedly, It may seem odd for Paul to mention that he is happily married (and in love with another “friend”) in a make up song to John.  Until you think about the romantic tension between John and Paul and Paul’s bold public recognition of it with this statement:  “It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me.” Paul acknowledges here that John is in love with Yoko and wants John to acknowledge his love for Linda as well.  

In Dear Friend he’s communicating that there is nothing to fear; they are secure in their respective marriages, there is no need to be hurt or angry or jealous anymore.  We’re no longer partners, but we can still be friends.  “Let’s have a glass of wine and forget about it.”  A softer, gentler version of: Wake up, John. It’s over. Sign the fucking papers already.

So I think of Dear Friend as an olive branch, but not the groveling type some apparently do.  And I most definitely do not think it was a signal to John that Paul was still in love with him, despite being newlywed to Linda. 

I suppose it might seem a bit brutal for Paul to be singing about loving someone else in a song to John (although he’s done it before and I think John has done the same).  But I honestly think it is something Paul believes John needs to hear and accept at this point; that he is “really, truly” in love with Linda and that he’s not about to divorce her or run after the first “blonde with big tits” as Allen Klein so charmingly suggested. 

By September 1971, John still hasn’t seemed to accept Linda, or Paul’s relationship with her:

John: Paul always wanted the home life, you see. [... long, rambling story about being terrified when Paul got a job in 1961 and for a second looked as if he might abandon John and the group] 

 All the other girls were just groupies mainly. And with Linda not only did he have a ready-made family, but she knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him. The complete family life. He's in Scotland. He told me he doesn't like English cities anymore. So that's how it is.

Int.: So you think with Linda he's found what he wanted? 

John: I guess so. I guess so. I just don't understand . . . I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.

With comments like this John seems (IMO) to be twisting himself into knots trying to rationalize Paul’s choice of Linda, practically wondering aloud what could she give him that I couldn’t?  He still seems unwilling to face or accept what Paul begrudgingly accepted and admitted years before: that his partner fell in love with someone else.

Here’s 76 year old Paul reminiscing about this tender, bittersweet time in his life, happy and in love with his wife and young family and simultaneously in deep pain over losing his dearly beloved best friend:

I remember when I heard the song recently, listening to the roughs  in the car. And I thought, ‘Oh God’. That lyric: ‘Really truly, young and newly wed’. Listening to that was like, ‘Oh my God, it’s true!’ I’m trying to say to John, ‘Look, you know, it’s all cool. Have a glass of wine. Let’s be cool.’

“Let’s be cool.”  Not “Please take me back,” not “Ignore my just-for-show marriage, I’m still in love with YOU.” To me, Paul is saying “I’m really, truly in love with my friend and new wife, can we please just be happy for each other? It’s all cool.” And for the record, I don’t find this sentiment any less loving on Paul’s part because I don’t think Paul being in love with his own wife (which he was), detracts from his love for John in any way. Again, I agree that the lyrics are slightly ambiguous, and perhaps this is meaningful too.  It could be that the lack of hard boundary between the two friends (John and Linda) reflects how much Paul loves them both; they certainly aren’t positioned as opposites (i.e. I love her but I hate you). Instead they’re both part of the imagined celebration; Paul wants them all to share the wine together- and he wants them to tolerate (love) each other. 

I think the traditional narrative doesn’t account for all of this because the traditional narrative does not acknowledge that John has any feelings for Paul in the first place. How in the world could Paul be asking John to “be cool” and accept the new situation when John didn’t even care about Paul in the first place and had been trying to get rid of him for years?  This perception - of John gleefully blasting Paul with HDYS and Paul replying that he’s in love with John - has taken hold in many minds and has picked up a lot of steam in recent years with so-called “jean jackets” because they fundamentally believe that Paul’s love for John was one-sided. They cannot comprehend that Paul would ever tell John to “cool it” or back off in any way (even in 70-71) because they take the surface story at face value:  John dumped Paul for Yoko and heartbroken Paul spent the rest of his life desperately trying to win John back. This is the narrative depicted in virtually every book I’ve read. My analysis is based on my own research, not this narrative.

I would invite readers of this post to watch (or re-watch) ULM (particularly volume 3 ) for a more comprehensive study of John and Paul’s relationship.  

Lastly, after doing my own independent research for McCartney (2020), I found that the Paul McCartney described by the musicians and collaborators in Paul’s life was dramatically different from the person depicted in books like Man on the Run. My films are free from narration and commentary; I rely on first-hand interviews and information from the people involved, and in my opinion there is a great deal to be learned about Paul from the way he relates to others, especially through music. And although the McCartney series is about his solo career as opposed to his Beatle career, I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is interested in Lennon/McCartney for the insights they could gain. 

Thank you very much for this ask- hopefully there aren’t too many typos!

[evilbeanghost]

Idk completely why, no matter how many times I read the books, I always feel that the notes in Snape's book were actually written by Lily, and not Severus. I have some minor supporting theories but other than that no real reason to think this way. For starters, a lot of the tips do look like they are written to someone and not just notes for the self. The larger reason is that the handwriting is mentioned several times to be effeminate. The handwriting is described in a way to make me think it's very distinctive and should be identifiable. It wouldn't be unreasonable at all to expect the golden trio to recognize Snape's handwriting, given they've now had 5 years of the man marking their essays, leaving notes on homework, and writing on the board. Even at approximately 15 years from the time of writing, Snape's handwriting wouldn't have changed so much that it's indistinguishable. Especially for Hermione who just kinda Does That. But as no one has any idea of Lily's handwriting at the time, that makes more sense to me that they wouldn't recognize it at all. It also makes more sense to me for why Snape would keep the book after all these years. If it was full of Lily's notes and advice, he'd be more likely to want to hold onto it, whereas I can't really see someone holding onto their old textbook for fifteen years, unless it's something lost in like an attic, but in this instance Snape would have had to have held onto it deliberately for it to end up out of his home and into his office six years later.(I believe he started working at hogwarts at 21, right?) He would have had to deliberately pack it into his belongings, and why would someone carry along an old textbook? Oh! And Slughorn calls Lily a potions prodigy, doesn't he? He commends snape for his skill but Lily was the natural at potions. If snape was the one correcting the book, it would stand to reason that he would be the prodigy!(I may be mixed up at this point, I haven't read HPB in years) Regardless, it just makes more sense to me for the notes to have been written to Severus from Lily, even if sectumsempra was created by Snape.

I believe this one is also from you Nonny:

Oh this is the HBP anon I just wanna make clear that I feel Snape's feelings towards Lily are 100% platonic, but didn't initially feel that was relevant to what I was saying.

Hey Nonny, 

Sorry for being so late in answering you - not been around much these last few days. I hope you will forgive me :)

There are a lot of theories about Snape’s Potions book (the dumbest being that this was James’ book *facepalm*), I personally I’m 100% convinced that those are indeed Snape’s notes. To address your clues about them being from Lily, here are my thoughts:

- have you ever written a journal? We do tend to write to someone in them, it’s the same here since it seems that the notes are way more than just potions tips and corrections going by Harry’s attachment to the Prince;

- handwriting has no gender, it’s a silly notion (this is coming from someone who was a little girl with a horribly messy handwriting). Also, I don’t know about you but if you compare my highschool notes to anything I handwrite today you wouldn’t be able to recognize it either. In particular if you were to compare notes cramped in the margin of a book and intended only for myself to something where I would put up way more effort like writing on a board for other people;

- About him keeping the book for that long, it does make sense since it’s full of experimental notes. I still have some chemistry notes from my Uni days that I kept even after my PhD because it was useful. It’s the same for Snape here I think, especially since we never hear about any post highschool education in the wizarding world. There is also the possibility, since it was found among other old potions books, that Hogwarts keep old books to lend to students in need and Snapes’s happened to be among these old books;

- Now, about Slughorn, you need to take some things into account. First, when we see him talking about Lily’s potions skills, it’s always to Harry. It makes sense that for an orphan hearing about his mother is way more relevant in that context than his hated potion professor, even if the latter was equally good or even better. Add to this that Lily was pretty and popular while Snape was dirty poor and an oddball and it’s not difficult to imagine old Sluggy preferring Lily to Severus even if their skills were equals. Since I already did some dig up in the books about that specific topic, allow me to quote myself here:

I dug up my old copy of HBP in order to see exactly what Slughorn had to say about Snape’s abilities at Potions and it is cementing my first take that Severus was indeed the exceptional student while Lily was “just” very good.

This is from the chapter “The Unbreakable Vow” in HBP, the scene during the Slug Club where Slughorn is praising Harry’s skills to Trelawney just before Snape appears:

‘But I don’t think I’ve ever known such a natural at Potions!’ said Slughorn, regarding Harry with a fond, if bloodshot, eye. ‘Instinctive, you know — like his mother! I’ve only ever taught a few with this kind of ability, I can tell you that , Sybill — why, even Severus –’

That last bit clearly illustrate for me that for Slughorn, there were a handful of very good instinctive students – Like Lily –, and then Severus Snape above them.

And a little bit further, while raving about Harry’s Draught of the Living Death to Snape himself:

‘You should have seen what he gave me, first lesson, the Draught of the Living Death – never had a student produce finer on a first attempt, I don’t think even you, Severus –’

Again, it sounds as if Severus Snape was, until Harry, the unchallenged best student Slughorn ever had.

So you see, for me, it’s Snape’s book, it’s Snape’s nickname (I would pay to see his adult self cringe hard at his ridiculous teenage nickname tbh) and it’s definitely Snape’s notes. 

It’s also very important that those are indeed from Severus Snape from a narrative point of view. The connection Harry felt, his deep empathy for the Prince coupled with how good he suddenly was in Potions under his tutelage is so important:

- it shows how similar Harry and Snape are despite their unfortunate hatred, a parallel (along with Voldemort), that is pointed out several times in the books (the lost boys who call Hogwarts “home”);

- it shows that Harry, while looking like James, is indeed more like Lily in nature and felt instantly deeply connected with young Severus, they could have been best friends;

- Harry’s relationship with the Prince indeed parallels Lily’s relationship with Severus: a deep connection of true kinship, a fascination deep fried in a thirst for knowledge, a visceral feeling of closeness, and then: betrayal.

- it shows that, despite the mean professor persona, Snape could have been an excellent teacher to Harry, if only he could have let go of his bitterness;

- it’s important because it’s a rare window into the true Severus Snape, not an act he’s putting up for the world to see. It was the first clue about his true nature and it’s very interesting that it was given to us just before Snape killed Dumbledore, apparently casting him as evil in the eyes of Harry and by extension the reader. 

Here it is friend, I hope I could convince you and if not, it’s ok, it was a fun discussion. Thank you for the ask.

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Ten: Breaking Boundaries

A/N: This is the tenth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 3188

Warnings: mentions of male sex organ and sexual arousal. 

Credits to Gif Creator

After a long day of lessons all Aria Dumbledore wanted to do was rip off her uncomfortable heels and change into something she could relax in for the rest of the night. However working with Severus meant that her day did not end immediately after lessons like the other professors' did. With the amount of essays Snape gave out on the daily, it was a miracle he was able to mark them at all, with or without her. She understood now why he never slept, but what she couldn't wrap her head around was why he gave out so many essay in the first place.

At first Severus refused any help from Aria, insisting he didn't need an assistant, but gradually Aria managed to work her way into his routine and soon enough the pair were spending every night together in Snape's classroom, marking essays and making potions.

"Severus." Aria spoke up, as the teachers departed from the Great Hall after dinner, stopping Snape in his tracks. She let her hand rest lightly on his bicep for a second, allowing herself to fall in line as they returned to the dungeons together.

"Miss Dumbledore." He replied coldly, suppressing any thoughts that may have dared entered his mind when he felt her gentle touch on his arm.

"I was thinking... I know we usually spend the evening marking in the classroom, but its just so cold in there and dark too." Aria started. "And we have to squeeze around the desk, with all those papers- "

"What are you getting at Miss Dumbledore." He droned, looking over his shoulder at the woman.

"How about we switch it up for tonight, maybe do the marking in my quarters? Its warm, I have a fire, with couches we can sit at. And if that's not your thing then your welcome to sit at my desk, but I just can't spend another night breaking my back sitting hunched over one. My feet are killing me in these shoes and I'm sick of freezing to death." Aria continued to rant, waiting for Snape to stop her.

"You can stop trying to convince me. Though I may not appear it, I am not a completely unreasonable man, all you have to do is ask."

"Thank god." She groaned, as they turned the corner to the dungeons.

After collecting two large stacks of papers from the potions classroom, the professors made their way along the corridor to Aria's private quarters. Almost immediately after entering the room Aria kicked off her heels, and threw her cloak over the couch.

"Just make yourself at home, get comfortable. I need to go change."

Severus entered the room awkwardly, clutching onto his papers, not daring to touch anything except the air he occupied. For the first time in a long time he felt out of place at Hogwarts. Snape liked to be in control and the way he was able to do that was keeping to the places where he felt most comfortable and had power. As soon as he agreed to spend the evening in Aria's quarters he lost that power and the ability to feel like he had any superiority over the woman. Though he hated feeling out of place, he enjoyed the woman's company, despite the fact he pretended not to, and was willing to make a sacrifice or two in order to listen to her meaningless chatter.

The man slowly made his way around the room, gradually drifting towards her cluttered desk, dropping his papers amongst her own small stacks. Snape couldn't help but be drawn to an open letter Aria had left. His eyes scanned the letter, sickened by its mushy context, but he couldn't seem to pull his gaze away.

Severus was stunned to discover that Aria was in a relationship and yet had not mentioned it to anyone since her arrival. She seemed the type who would boast about the fact, telling everyone and anyone who would listen. It dawned on him that maybe she had mentioned it before, just not to him. After all, why would she? He didn't show any interest in her life, or share any information about himself with her. He had made it pretty clear that they weren't anything more than coworkers, so then why was he hurt by the fact she had not confided in him?

The thought quickly left his mind when the witch reentered the room, leaving him slightly dumbfounded. It was the first time he had witnessed her looking relaxed and casual opposed to the straight laced, well put together façade she put on around the students. Even before the start of term and on their trip to Hogsmeade she maintained an air of sophistication. Looking at her now she appeared as you would expect a 21 year old to appear. Her hair fell around her face in stunning natural beach waves, still a little messy from being held up in a bun all day. She had changed out of her painful heels and uncomfortable work clothes and now appeared in a pair of tight fitting exercise shorts paired with a large oversized t-shirt, that exposed her tanned shoulder and collarbone. Severus couldn't help but notice her lack of bra, but made a conscious effort to keep his gaze fixated on her face.

"What are you doing?" Aria laughed nervously, noticing her mentor standing awkwardly by her desk, staring at her a little too long.

"I was merely looking for a place to conduct my marking, but as the only work space in the room is full of meaningless clutter, then it seems I have no other choice than to move." He growled, over compensating for his earlier thoughts.

Aria went to object but decided it wasn't worth the hassle and simply grabbed her pile and took a seat next to Severus on the couch and got to working.

Seeing Aria in her natural form had Severus mesmerised. He had of course appreciated her attractiveness many times before, but now her beauty seemed more down to earth and natural. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Ever since she had come to his office and bandaged him up, his mind was swarming with thoughts of her once more. The way her fingers gently traced the patterns on his palm as she carefully tended to his wound. Every time he replayed the action in his head a wave of shivers ran up his spine, sending flutters straight to his stomach.

After marking a less than adequate amount of essays, Severus finally gave up trying. Out the corner of his eye he couldn't help but watch as Aria absentmindedly brushed one of her smooth bare legs against the other. His eyes continued to travel up her body, resting for second on a small section of her waist that had been left exposed from the way her top had shifted. Once again he couldn't help but notice the prominent outline of her bare breasts through the slightly transparent shirt. Snape felt his face flush with colour, and chose to swiftly move on. He became entranced as his gaze fell upon her face, watching her read intently, as she nibbled on the end of her quill, letting it bounce slightly between her teeth. Severus could not help his mind rush to a number of scenarios which he quickly dismissed.

Oblivious to the thoughts running through her colleagues mind, Aria continued marking the majority of her essays, before finally giving up.

"How about we take a little break." Aria suggested, throwing another essay on her 'done' pile.

"Very well." Severus agreed, not that he had been doing much anyway.

Aria took the opportunity to stretch her bones, turning her body to face Snape.

"you know, we spend a hell of a lot of time together, but all we ever do is work." Aria commented, standing up from where she had been sat on the couch.

"What are you getting at, Miss Dumbledore." Snape replied, turning his attention to a neglected book he found resting on her coffee table.

"I'm just saying that we're allowed to spend time together, without making it about work. Minerva and I often enjoy afternoon tea together, and I frequently visit Hagrid at his cabin for a chat, I don't see why we have to pretend to be marking essays just to be in each others company."

"I'm not pretending to do anything, Miss Dumbledore. The essays need to be marked, and whether you chose to help me or not, I will be spending my evenings doing the exact same thing either way."

Severus picked up a rogue book from her coffee table, dog-earing the page Aria had left the book lying open on and began to read from the beginning, curious to see what kind of literature she was interested in.

Meanwhile Aria had made her way through to her open plan kitchen and was currently rummaging through a number of cupboards but continued her conversation.

"We're the teachers Severus, the students will get the essays back when we say so, we do not have to rush to complete them as soon as they're handed back to us. Besides it would give the students a little more time in between essays to relax before they were immediately issued another." The clinking of glasses caught Severus' attention, so he too got up, meeting the woman in her kitchen.

"Have a drink." She offered, handing him a glass of deep red liquid, hoping to loosen up his inhibitions.

"I thought you didn't drink." Snape muttered, taking the drink from her.

"Like I said before, I don't drink often, or rather to excess. But if this is what it takes to get you to relax with me, then I'm willing to comprise." She winked, holding up her own glass to cheers the other professor.

"Despite the impression you may have gotten, Miss Dumbledore, I do not rely on alcohol to get through the day."

"I know that." Aria spoke, her tone becoming sadder. "I know that you were drinking a lot before the start of term because of me. I'm sorry I done that to you, I honestly did not think that the two of us having dinner together would be such a scandal. I was wrong, I know that now. But can't we just remain colleagues who enjoy each others company every once in a while." She hoped.

Severus took a deep intake of breath before taking a large gulp of wine.

"You were not the reason I turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows, Miss Dumbledore. Yes, I enjoy a glass of FireWhiskey or Nettle Wine once in a while, and occasionally I feel the need to indulge more than what is deemed appropriate. Usually it occurs in the summer and I have no one around me who cares. It only ever lasts a few days or so, a week at most, and after that I get back on track and its no longer a problem. It is true that your presence may have dug up some unfortunate memories of mine, but it was not your fault." Severus enunciated the last few words of his sentence, reassuring the woman not to blame herself for his small moment of weakness. The way her eyes sparkled in the light as they met his sent a wave of regret over him, wishing he had just accepted the wine and said nothing. An appreciated smile spread across his apprentice's face, thankful she had been reassured.

Professor Snape gulped down some more his of wine nervously, making his way back to the couch, Aria followed closely behind.

"So." He started, once again picking up the abandoned book, eager to change to subject. "I noticed your reading Pride and Prejudice, how are you finding it?"

"Oh." She smiled, biting her lip, slightly embarrassed. "It's one I'm currently reading." She said vaguely, bouncing down on the couch, sitting crossed legged.

"So your into muggle literature? I have read a few myself though I tend to stay away from the Brontes."

"It's Austen actually." She corrected, nodding towards the spine of the book, cradling her still relatively full glass of wine. "I have to admit, I'm a bit useless when it comes to reading. I love it so much, but I'm just too impatient, that's my problem." She laughed, getting frustrated with herself and running a hand through her tangled mass of hair.

Severus watched as she jumped from her seat, quickly collecting a few of the other novels she had left scattered around the place, all of which had been left balancing open mid-page. The woman returned with five or six books in her arms, all of which had been read half way through or almost to the very end, although none had been completely read through.

"I'm a bit of scatter brain, if I'm being completely honest. I've started all of these and every time I find a new book I completely disregard the one I was reading, too eager to start another, before finishing the first. Most of the time I forget where I've left them, so I couldn't finish them even if I wanted to. I swear Severus, If it wasn't for you keeping me on track with the students schedules, I'd go utterly mad and forget what I was supposed to be teaching." Aria let out a huge breath, dropping all of the books down in between her and Snape, before plopping herself down once more.

Snape suppressed the urge to laugh at the woman's dopiness, she was truly a character, but he secretly adored the absurdness she possessed. She kept it hidden so well in front of her grandfather and the students but often when they were alone she allowed her true personality to shine and that is when Severus felt his weakest with her. He could not possibly find a reason to be angry at her when she was feeling vulnerable enough to get comfortable around him.

The Potions Master took it upon himself to inspect each of the novels, before setting them aside, neatly piled high. He did, however, keep a hold of the original book, continuing from where he had left off.

Noticing the man getting engrossed in the book, Aria chose not to bother him with any more of her idle chatter and instead grabbed a notebook and quill from her bedroom and begun sketching. She was content with just being in each other's company and not working that she didn't mind that they were not talking. In fact, one of the things she loved most about their relationship was that they were able to sit in a comfortable silence without either of them feeling awkward.

After a few attempts of sketching objects around the room, she gave in trying and decided to focus on what she drew best. Not wanting to interrupt his train of thought by asking a meaningless question, such as if he would give her permission to draw him, Aria didn't see the big deal and went ahead with her sketch.

An hour or so passed and the couple were deep in their activities and not a word had been spoken since the last. By now Severus had removed his robes, the heat from the fire proving too much, though he still kept himself fully covered by the means of his overcoat. Aria, far too comfortable in her chambers, had now stretched out across the whole couch, her feet resting gently on the side of Severus' thigh, but he was yet to complain.

It wasn't until almost two hours into their activities that Severus thought too look at the clock. Time had gotten on, and usually the pair would have gone their separate ways by now, spending the rest of their nights alone. Strangely Professor Snape did not feel the urge to depart just yet and chose to stay a while longer. Aria had become absorbed in the sketch she was doing, and was not complaining he was still there. This was good enough for Severus. Looking up from her notepad every few seconds, but still utterly engaged in her drawing,  Aria had no idea what was currently going on in Snape's mind.

Once he had broke away from the book back to reality, Snape struggled to get himself to focus again. Instead his mind was preoccupied by how close he had let Aria get to him. He felt her wriggle her toes absentmindedly. It was almost as if she was beating out a tune against his leg, and he was very aware of every movement she made. Her feet had managed to make their way into his lap, and every small movement that brushed against his thigh, had Severus' heart beating faster.

The woman fidgeted relentlessly, her legs shifting in lap and her toes scrunching up against his inner thigh. Snape could not help the reaction his body was having as his assistant brushed against him, but the thoughts that entered his mind, only stimulated the problem he was having. Surely she must know what she was doing to him. The Professor kept his eyes on the page, though he took in none of the words. His face flushed pink, whether from the heat of the fire or his own imagination, he did not know. Snape allowed himself one look at the woman curious to see if her actions were deliberate. As he expected she was completely oblivious to the whole situation, simply sketching away, not a care in the world.

Looking at the woman only worsened the situation. He had tried to keep his thoughts at bay, in order to prevent his throbbing penis from doing what penis' do best. But seeing the young woman lay there in front of him, her body so close to his, rubbing against him. Severus could take it no longer. He felt himself growing, and he refused to endure the humiliation had she to notice, let alone the frustration that he would be able to do nothing about it.

Without warning Snape jumped from his position on the couch, grabbing his robes, and leaving the book where he sat. "It's late. I have to go." Was all he said bluntly, slamming the door as he practically flew from the room.

Aria Dumbledore had no words to say. She was less shocked by his sudden departure than the fact he had actually stayed with her all evening, spending some time together, in their own unique way. Abandoning her pad and quill, Aria slipped into bed, falling asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Severus on the other hand did not drift off so easily. He spent half the night damning himself for being so vulnerable and getting himself into that situation, and the other half dreaming of the possibilities that could have happened had he stayed. Though he knew nothing would have happened, even if he wanted it to. She was in a relationship and Snape was not one for physical affection. However, he allowed himself the small luxury of dreaming about her for one night.

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel

@lizlil

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with everyone’s favorite trope - sharing a bed! We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

2) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

3) I'm Trying Not To Make A Sound | Explicit | 10452 words

Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible.

4) Enjoy The Ride | Not Rated | 11103 words

The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

5) Cuffed | Not Rated | 15254 words

What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?

6) Up For It | Explicit | 18223 words

The one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

7) Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings) | Not Rated | 18417 words | Sequel

Note: This fic has no smut, but it has omega Louis. The sequel has smut.

The one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?

8) The Aurora Zone | Explicit | 19633 words

The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.

9) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

10) Etched In Salt (Is A Cathedral Of The World) | Explicit | 24417 words

Note: This fic has BH mentions. It is also locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.

11) Like A Siren In The Night | Explicit | 25868 words

“There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet.

Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?”

For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months.

It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.

12) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28682 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

13) We’re Not Who We Used To Be | Explicit | 30611 words

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?” “You didn’t know?” Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart). “I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together. “You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.

14) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

15) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32584 words

The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

16) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

17) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

18) Playing To Win | Explicit | 36732 words

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

19) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

20) The Space Between | Explicit | 39917 words

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

21) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

23) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

24) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

25) Swallow The Knife | Explicit | 76158 words

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

26) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76584 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

27) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

28) Nothing Worsens, Nothing Grows | Mature | 102528 words

Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.