#so might tackle it today but idk if I can even be bothered

[shysimblr]

I feel like wants and fears were added bc they wanted to please some of the older players. It was such a great feature in sims 2 and really added to the gameplay my sim lost their mind so many times just from things going bad because their fears kept coming true and had to have the sims 2 therapy doctor guy come and help it was fun and so we’ll thought out but honestly the sims 4 one is half assed and bare bones just like most of the things in the sims 4 it’s hollow. They didn’t even bother to Intergrate packs like parenthood would have been a great one to for teens fear of being grounded, fear of being irresponsible etc I know mordders have more to work with and will probably come up with ways to make this better but yeah it’s a joke.

[moonlilith]

center of the universe

↬ Pairing: harem-ish with Inarizaki team

↬ Genre: Fluff ☁️

↬ Wordcount: 1,236

↬ AN: this is 100% self-indulge & i was feeling unwanted for days so let’s cheer up with this. (might be ooc tho? Idk.)

It had happened so suddenly and you weren’t even had fathom it would have happened a year ago, but now you were thankful that you had that random off days where you didn’t stick to your plan. If it weren't for that, you would have missed so much.  

Just like any other day, you would immediately go straight back home after school since you didn’t bother to sign up for clubs even when your classmate was bustling and busy with their clubs. You weren’t exactly someone that was against of having fun but after your best friend moved to another city, you feel down most days.  

You weren't sure what had happened to you, but you decided to pass the gym for some reason.  The sound of the balls bouncing off the walls was enough to scare you. But the scariest part was when you were about to turn around, the captain of the volleyball team was looking straight at you.

“Perhaps you would be a match to be our manager.” He said, looking at the file that was it your hands. It was your daily journal that was translucent and the first page was written in cursive, “daily task”. All you could mustered was a ‘huh’ when he spoke again. “Our volleyball team is full of people that likes to charge head on.”  

He said, looking at his teammates from the ajar gym’s door. You catch his gaze; the infamous twin was arguing but you could see them having fun. “Doesn’t they have you though?” You said it out loud without meaning to. You weren’t exactly into volleyballs but you’ve been to their game more than once.  

You heard and seen the foundation of Inarizaki in action and how he had kept all of them grounded. His relax demeanour totally had made him the talk among the girls but despite everything, no one had the courage to actually talk to him. He was like an art piece. It’s so pretty that you can’t touch and its only to be seen.  

You were shaken from your trance about the exact man in front of you when you felt your wrist being tugged as he led you inside. “Watch us for today, and you can decide if you want to be our manager.” Everyone on team head turns as fast as they could, looking at their captain dragging someone to the bench and saying the word ‘manager’. “One match from us, and you would want to see more.” And Kita Shinsuke was right. You did want to see them more. So, you decided to be their manager even if you were already in your 2nd year.  

The first two weeks you were struggling with the Miya twins. Atsumu thought it would be fun to pretend to be the other twin much to Osamu’s dismay.  You kept calling Atsumu ‘Osamu’ and yet still call Osamu ‘Osamu’ too. In the end, you knew who they both were but still decided to play the same prank with Atsumu.  

He would often tell you off for calling him the wrong name and you would often dismiss it saying that he was the first one who wanted to be called ‘Osamu’.  But now you called Osamu as Samu since you had to openly call out Atsumu if he did some mistake and you didn’t want to confused Osamu.  

“Y/N!!” Just as you turn your head to the source, you felt a larger body tackled you to the floor. You closed your eyes expecting the harsh impact of the hard gym floor against your head but instead your head was met with a rather muscley surface? You slowly opened your eyes and saw Atsumu was straddling you down, one of his hands were at the back of your head, making sure your head didn’t hit the floor directly.  

“Did it hurt?” He asked, worried evident on his face. You almost had burst out laughing looking at his face. You decided to tease him a little instead just to see his cocky responses. “Oh Tsumu,” you placed your hands on his cheek dramatically as you watch the members were running towards the two of you, shouting “are you okay?”. “Tsum tsum, did it hurt when you fell for me?”  

His next reaction wasn’t what you had expected especially for someone as cocky and confident as Atsumu. He removed himself from you, sitting on his knees as he buried his blushing face with his palms. “Y/n!!” He complained as you chuckled a little at him. “Yer can’t do that!! Yer called me Tsumu!” He said again followed by incoherent noises, ignoring the teasing and laughter from his teammates.  

“Thought I’d never see the day where yer would get flustered.”, “shut up Samu” he said followed by a slap at the thighs. Osamu offered you his hands to help you stand up. Aran was laughing loudly at Atsumu while Kita was sending a glare towards Suna for the accidental ball.  

“What made yer so dazed?” Osamu helped brushing your hair that was getting into tangles, then starts patting your head for some reason. “Hm? I was thinking about you guys.” You said with a smile and the rest of the members look at you in shock. You felt your body was being engulfed in a hug when you see Aran squeezing you in his arms.  

“Ooff,” Was what you said first but gave in since his hug was almost as bear like. “Your hugs are the best.” You said to Aran before another hand pulled you from him. His hands rested on your shoulders turning you around to face him. “Kita?” You tilted your head looking at him as he slowly opens his arms to you.  

“Oh? Were you jealous that I hug Aran?” You said but he didn’t say anything and just stare straight at you. You laughed again when he tugged your wrist and all you can do was hug him back. It lasted for few seconds, before Aran hugs the both of you and soon Atsumu, Osamu, Suna and the rest of the team engulfed turning into a group hug.  

“I’m so sorry...”  You were walking home with the Miya twins and Suna when the latter finally spoke to you after the accidental almost hit you with the volleyball earlier. You were at the convenience store waiting for twins to pay up when he handed you his cup of jelly. “Hm?” You looked towards his pinky that was reaching for yours as he linked them together.

“Oh! It’s fine Suna, although you almost marked me with a volleyball.” You said before laughing. “I appreciate another form of marking but not with volleyballs though.” You said again. In that moment, both Miya twins were already outside and both of them pulled you away from Suna.  “Kita is going to kill yer!” Both of them said to Suna as they ushered you to walk home.  

If Kita hadn't invited you to be their manager, you wouldn’t have met these guys and you wouldn’t have so much fun and laughter plus occasional hugs with them. Maybe Kita does deserve longer hugs from you. You thought with a small smile. “Let’s go my boys.” You shouted towards the three of them as you walked ahead. “Y/N!! Yer can't say that and expect me not to hug yer!” You heard Atsumu shouted back at you, running after you.  

↬ sorry that im only focusing on the five boys skhddh

↬ this was supposed to be for miya’s twins birthday!! and i just want an excuse of kita asking for a hug

[turnaboutyandere]

Ace attorney characters when you pack a bento box (boxed lunch) for them:

(In japan that's a indirect expression of love and in this case a confession)

Phoenix gets it right away. He smiles and blushes. And as he kisses y/n for the first time realizes he might not need to chase rivals away. Out of all of them hes probably the softest receiving a bento box. He jumps straight to calling you his girlfriend. Phoenix thinks about it all day and when he opens it come lunchtime and finds a little love note above his rice he tears up.

(Also if you make two, one for him and one for trucy he will melt)

Miles DOESNT get it right away. He doesnt understand why, when he has so much money, y/n would feel the need to pack him a lunch. He doesnt understand why his confusion causes y/n such a blush for a good five minutes. By the time he remembers the cultural significance they already left. He texts them something between sweet and formal. At noon (though I think he does have a tendency to skip lunch to work) he opens it and finds a little love note. He feels a lot of things at once and just like him ends up very smug

Franziska is silent for a second. It's not that she understands the implications, it completely flies over her head. No shes quiet cause she believes she should be taking care of you and not vice versa. Then she tells y/n to set it on the table, and is very confused when they leave the room practically skipping. It isn't until shes having lunch and her brother and gumshoe walk into the room to give her paperwork does she understand. Her brother asks her were she got it (idk if she's a good cook or would bother learning Japanese cooking) and when she relays your confounding behavior miles has the nerve to laugh. Then gumshoe surprisingly explains it to her. She turns pink and carefully opens it. Sure enough theres a love note in a sealed bag to keep it clean. That evening she buys a locket.

You have to know Diego for a very long time before he let's you cook for him. And he will never again accept open drinks from anyone. So y/n ever the sweetie invites him over in the early morning and hopes it doesnt irritate him. ( it doesnt cause hes already normally there). When he shows up y/n invites him in and leads him to the kitchen and they cook together so he can see whats in everything. He doesnt admit it but it makes him feel like they're married. It's when she hands him not his lunch but a bottled coffee still sealed does he go from crushing to love. Though he didnt like the extra sugar and milk in Japanese bottled coffee, they validated his trauma and therefore is not getting rid of him now.

Dahlia is an odd case. She pretends to not understand. She laughs her laugh like silver bells and thanks them as sweet as she can but I dont think she actually eats it. She worries shes been found out. That your trying to poison her. I can see her being better safe than sorry. Still she opens it to take a picture to post on her social media and sees the love note. She reads it once then again. And smiles sly. Her plan was working

Iris on the other hand completely understands and let's you know she knows. She asks if their seriously ok with dating someone already under oaths and vows. If thier ok respecting such boundaries. When y/n nods she begins to cry. At lunch time when she opens it she begins to cry again for two reasons

1) it's made specifically with her eating restrictions in mind. Y/n did their research

And

2) the love note. Oh goodness the love note. Never before has such a small paper made a girl so happy.

Wocky feels guilty that you pulled the bento thing first. His parents are Japanese and run a cafe and he couldn't make you a bento. When he voices his concerns and they take it as him accepting the confession and kiss him he feels a little better. He normally eats what his parents make for lunch but today. Is different. When he finds the love note he cries. He feels safe with s/o for the first time. Alita never wrote love notes or cooked lunches.

Mia the sweet women she is, flushed but tries to stay somewhat level headed, somewhat her normal level of cool. She sets it on her desk and takes y/n into her arms. She doesn't ask if they mean it cause shes scared they dont. That...it would destroy her, so she doesnt give them a chance. She would return the favor the next day but imagine be honest. I dont think she can cook either. She keeps the love note with everything else that reminds her if y/n. In a jewelry box under a floorboard.

Klavier doesnt understand it.... Much like franziska, he has no clue. But In a way he does? He knows this is something y/n put time and effort and money into, all for him. So he accepts it, calling y/n beautiful in the process. He doesnt get the fact that it was a confession...at first. Then he Googles what it means and sure enough it was a confession. And hes relieved cause he had accepted it and complimented them. He had agreed to their confession.

(before anyone says it, yes, I know Kristoph isn’t actually German, but I don’t care. Capcom can rip my “the Gavins are German” headcanon from my cold, dead hands)

Aight, so, ya girl is back. I’m gonna keep the ask box closed for a bit until I clear out all the asks I have (and finish a request) so please be patient. Thank you!

Damon: Doesn’t get it right away, but thinks it’s sweet that you made him lunch. He may google it later assuming he knows how to use google or ask someone about it, which is how he finds out the meaning behind it. Rather than make you a bento box in return, he’ll get you a bouquet of roses and invite you to join him for dinner instead. Between the roses, though, you’ll find a cute little love note with a smiley face scribbled onto it.

Shelly: He’s been around the block a few times, so he likely knows what it means. He’ll thank you and give you a peck on the cheek, promising to make you lunch as well. Once he finishes eating, he’ll put the note somewhere safe so he can reread it whenever he wants.

Matt: Has a security guard try it before he does, for safety reasons. Once he sees how upset you are by that, he’ll apologize and ask you to explain the meaning behind it (he knows he fucked up lmao). After you explain it, he’ll apologize (while being so fucking smug internally) and thank you for the lunch. He can’t cook to save his life, so don’t expect him to return the favor, but he will leave you a little note where you can find it; something along the lines of “I love you, dude <3“.

Kristoph: Prides himself on knowing a little about everything, so for him not to know the meaning behind your gift is unlikely. He’ll happily accept it and give you a gentle kiss on the forehead, all while hiding how smug he feels. He’ll also give you bento box in return, but with German cooking instead of Japanese. Oh, and that little love note you put in there? Expect to find a three page-long love letter in your lunch.

Ray: Pretty knowledgeable about romantic traditions around the world, so the chances of him getting it are pretty high. He’ll thank you for it rather sheepishly, as this is one of the few times you’ll get to see him flustered. Once he reads the note, though, he’ll pull you into a big hug, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. Afterwards, he’ll immediately set out to make you a bento box in return, or take you out to dinner if you prefer.

Sebastian: Bless his dense heart, he’s clueless. He’ll be very thankful though, and promise to make you something in return (despite his nonexistent cooking skills). He’ll likely eat it at work and brag about how you made it for him, which is when Miles steps in to explain the meaning behind it. That + the love note is enough to make him cry tears of joy, and he’ll tackle you in a hug the moment he gets the chance to.

Simon K: Doesn’t know how to feel at first because he’s never had someone make him lunch before. Once he sees the note inside, though, he realizes what it means and becomes even more emotionally confused than before. He’ll thank you, rather awkwardly, and promise to make something for you. He’s not much of a wordsmith but he’ll still add a note, expressing how grateful he is for the lunch.

Katherine: Will be on the verge of tears when you give her the bento box, and will flat-out start crying when she reads the love note. She’ll cling to you, thanking you profusely and promising to make you one as well. She keeps her word and makes you a wonderful bento box the very next day. Instead of a love note, however, you’ll receive a song she wrote about you (and she’ll even sing it to you while you eat).

Bobby: Another very dense yandere who is definitely going to get scolded by Blackquill for not understanding what your gift means. He’ll make up for it though, by going above and beyond to make you the best bento box you’ve ever eaten (it won’t be the prettiest and he’ll likely have burned something, but it’s the thought that counts, right?). He’ll also keep your love note on his bedside table so he can read it every night before bed and every morning when he wakes up.

Simon B: He’s a huge weeaboo Japanese cultural enthusiast, so he’ll get it right away. He’ll tease you about it and act cocky as usual, but in reality, he’s trying to hide the very obvious blush on his face. He’ll keep your note safely tucked away in his coat pocket for whenever he wants to reread it. He won’t return the favor right away, though. Instead, he’ll give it to you when you least expect it in order to fluster you.

______

- Mod Dollie

[hkeroro]

catching up w hospital playlist uwu

ep6

yes to the residents (now fellows!!!!!) all hanging out and shit I WANT MOREEEEE

the boyfriend of the neuro patient deserves all the pAin in the world screw his ass

also seongyeong poor bb :((

OH TO BE ROSA AND JUNGSU JUST ROAMING AROUND MAKING THE BEST OF THEIR RETIREE DAYS (bruh im still in my early 20s AND I WANT THAT SO BAD I NO LONGER DREAM OF LABOR)

changmin :(((((((

i love the residents and fellows progression in this ep, wish we got to see more of them

honestly i dont have much to say abt this ep

ep7

its the way the side character’s stories and development interest me more than the supposed leads lmaoooooo im not even mad anymore yes give me more seungyeong changmin yunbok screentime!!!!

i know a lot of the HP fans came and stayed for the lacking five but since the beginning i watched for gyeoul nnn so im not overtly pissed per se, but still how come the leads’ stories seem like it’s at standstill?

and idk like all the scenes for the first half seem like fillers (the fact that i’ve said this for prev episodes AHHH)

it feels like there’s no weight to most of the scenes

i dont wanna talk abt how that scene w seokhyeong’s mom was unecessary tbh bcs we barely got any gomgom progression and all it was just more seokhyeong’s mom character assasination but ANYWAYS

the patients cases today were pretty lovely ngl esp the liver transplant and security guard :’)

also junwan my bb YOU DESERVE THE WHOLE WORLD AND IM MAD THAT HES LOWKEY CRYING FOR HELP BUT HIS FRIENDS DONT REALLY SEE IT

also give him a break for the love of god that ending just why

wish we got to see how wintergarden communicates etc bcs they literally went from lovey dovey to ‘i cant be bothered to call and update you but i can send a text to say im flaking instead’

guess the scene in pretimeskip w jeongwon asking her to confide in him more actually became the point of conflict for them

but it’s so sudden and it happened when he wanted to propose??? godddd

they’ve been with each other for more than a year i refuse to believe it’s just been a honeymoon phase all this while and they haven’t established on proper communication between each other zzzzz

something else that really irks me i realized is how a lot of the plot lines are being unecessarily draggy as compared to s1 where most patient cases were and conflicts were solved in one ep hmmm

ending this on a note that despite the opinions im spewing out i cant blame shinlee PD 100% over how this season in the simplest terms just seem all over the place

season 1 was prepared in four years, giving them ample time to look back and work on and perfect the story and script from the pacing to tackling plotholes and eliminating unecessary scenes and incorporating just enough to keep us entertained and it PAID OFF BECAUSE S1 was honestly beautifully executed and with such execution, the positive response was well deserved

but with the positive response comes more demand and pressure to live up to it

i’d like to believe that they were forced to speed up everything to cater to the demands and if they had more time i’m pretty sure the season would be soooo much better

also wanna add on that the writers did such a good job in season 1 with the world building for the lacking five, it must’ve been hard to honor everyone’s story within the time constraints they had :(

i kind of feel bad bcs it’s not to say the current season isn’t good, it’s just that it had a super solid predecessor that might not be easy to follow up w yknow

i’ve made it this far and i’m def gonna continue watching it but maybe when the season is over huhu

[curiouschild]

TS7 Theory

LoOkay so I have like some album predictions that are probably totally wrong but I wanted to jot them down anyway! This is my track by track impression and interpretation!

1. I Forgot You Existed

So this is a very interesting starting track. I’ve seen a few theories that to me make a LOT of sense! My favorite is actually the one that discusses that perhaps this song is about finding yourself again or finding a new side of you. (i would link the post but I don’t remember whose it was sorry!!!)For me, my first thought was actually the feuds/people who made Taylor feel bad over the years. I think with an album with ME! in the song lineup and being the album after reputation, it would make sense if Taylor was singing about what it’s like when you have a love that is SO SO real, true, SAFE.. that everything else disappears into the background. She has written about that love, and I think I Forgot You Existed could be about Taylor saying, “Oh, yeah. That really bothered me. I remember those painful things you did to me and what I went through. But, you know what? What I have now has wiped away my memory of that. You can’t touch me.” 

2. Cruel Summer

Hmmmm. Okay I don’t want to say this is about Hiddleswift, because I think that chapter closed forever ago. But I think it might be about Hiddleswift. I know I’m like way off, but my first impression from the title is that summer that people were really cruel??? About who she was with?? And if I’m right about the opening track (which I don’t think I am, just a theory!) I think this would make a interesting sequel track. 

My other idea is that Cruel Summer is possibly be about how when summer is so hot that you’re too lazy to do extracurricular activities. Lol my theories are terrible.

4. The Man

Taylor already talked about it but I’m super excited about hearing her perspective on being a man.

6. I Think He Knows

Okay I think it’s possible that this track is political? I wonder if she is talking about he-who-shall-not-be-addressed because I wonder if she’d write a contrast song to The Man and address a man who is in a powerful position. I think this song could be about how she wonders if he actually realizes the division he has placed on the country.

The other possibility I have is that this song is maybe about how her SO knows she wants to spend forever with him since this track is directly after Lover.

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Oof y’all I am SO SO SO excited about this song. The tile is SO INTRIGUING! I LOVE how specific this title is!!! 

But I’m not quite sure what this is about. I don’t think Taylor would really address past loves she’s had in a way that she had in any of her previous albums? Like she’s so in love right now, that unless she addresses like.. some issues that happened during one of those times? But, like. Who would be the Heartbreak Prince? I don’t picture a haylor or John Mayer song popping up on Lover. But maybe Taylor isn’t Miss Americana? Maybe Taylor is writing from the outer perspective into one of the lives of someone she is close too? Hmm. I am extremely intrigued by this title.

8. Paper Rings

OKAY THIS ONE!! I think this is gonna be about how she was always married. Like there doesn’t need to be a wedding ring for Taylor to belong to her lover and vice versa. The rings can just be promises kept in love notes and be like a nod to the Delicate video where she receives a note and keeps it because of the promise on it! It would also pair well with Lover when she sings a vow like bridge. Maybe she doesn’t plan to have a wedding. Maybe she doesn’t need one to justify her devotion. I love that idea.

9. Cornelia Street

SADLKGJSDLJK CORNELIA STREET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! There are a lot of posts and theories flying around about how Cornelia Street is in Pennsylvania, New York, and England. So I’m extremely excited about what this means and I love, again, how SPECIFIC this song title is!!! I think this will be a favorite of mine, and I CANNOT WAIT to hear it!

I told @illbeoutofthewoods that I think it could be interesting if Cornelia Street, having been the name of several streets in 3 of Taylor’s home residence, was about being connected and destined to get to her lover. Although the unreleased song lyric we were shared today leads me to speculate that the song is specifically tied to New York. (idk i’m super excited about this one though!)

10. Death By a Thousand Cuts

HMMMMMMM!!!!! Is this her self love song about always getting back up even after she has been hurt by so many outside voices/opinions? Another mysterious yet detailed title. I can’t quite figure out what this song could truly be about, so this is my best guess.

11. London Boy

So today’s unreleased song lyrics makes me question if it came from this track! Especially since she has addressed that she IS New York City. I think this song could be about what she is thinking when she has to leave her London Boy or how she imagines him when they get into an argument.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Oof. This sounds like it is addressing her mom’s cancer. I think I saw that theory floating around a few times. This would make sense if this is the song she had to leave the room when it played :(

13. False God

I’m sort of nervous about this one. I’m not sure what False God she is addressing. It could be political since the track that follows is also gently laced with political undertones or at least mainstream topics. I’m not sure if this song will slander religion. It might. Or perhaps have a negative take on religion. Or it could be addressing hypocrisy amongst people who claim to have certain morals but don’t follow them. Hmmm. 

15. Afterglow

UMMMM SO I’m REALLY excited about this track!!! I love the title. I can’t wait to hear what Taylor has produced in order to create the sound of an afterglow! I have always loved tracks of Taylor’s that create, not only a great bop, slap, or lyrically clear song. But when her production tackles and creates an extremely specific environment. You Are in Love is probably my favorite example of Taylor painting a beautiful story, but also producing a sound that envelopes you into the moment and genuinely gives you the feeling that you are living that experience out. And I really hope and wonder if Afterglow will be *that* song that does the same thing!

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

EEEEEEEEEEEEE. WHAT is this song about? More specifically, what TONE will this song have???? Is she bringing out her sarcastic/irony gloves and enter a boxing ring?? Like my first thought was “DID SHE NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS SONG???” Or is it like... slightly sarcastic while she’s being thankful for the people who have stuck with her this whole time? Only Friday will tell!

18. Daylight

Okay, I’m convinced like most of you probably are that “Step into the daylight and let it go” is probably a direct reference- if not a direct lyric- from this track. So I wonder if Daylight will be hopeful like a lot of her last songs normally are. I wonder if daylight will be her “I made it into the daylight, so can you.” 

I can’t wait for this Friday, August 23rd guys.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Montenegro to Eurovision with 6 young souls

(this is a pre-vamp review so take this whole thing as “something I wanted to publish but my schedule was withholding until it was specifically time for them to be reviewed”, therefore, this is a bit of a retrospective review. Will tackle on its revamp later!)

Montevizija, which finally has an official Twitter account (we all should forget the times some dude named Vasilije pretended to having made one), offered us another batch of 5 songs for another year, actually revealing all of them beforehand this time and not just the snippets! Joy to the world I guess.

You gotta love Montevizija for it being the most underrated ex-Yugoslavian national final btw. Granted, it only lasted for 2 editions as of now, and it will take years to grow bigger as a thing, but so far, for us the NFs that are ingrained to our brains more are Dora, EMA and Beovizija (and even Skopje Fest when THAT was used to pick an act and not just served as a festival like it originally was meant to be), therefore Montevizija seems more shunned. But what do you expect when the lineup of 5 for two years in a row is not exactly as stellar as hoped for? Well, there are gems here and there, but they haven’t really won on either years (or at least not on the 2nd year if you call Vanja’s song a gem too), and yet somehow they find someone who call them great. But for me this Montenegrin entry is not. :L

And who is up there to be colossally blamed for its existence? None other than this group of 6 refering to themselves as D mol (with “mol” decapitalized for whatever reason... they used to have hyphen separating the ‘D’ and ‘mol’, but now they scrapped it altogether, an anime death I’ll never forget). Worth noting that I, as a 19 year old, have this particularly ugly feeling I must get rid of, and that’s the one of “feeling old”, already at my age. And this is how I felt seeing that the band whose song I am not fond of today is made up by members that are of 16-17 to 21-ish years old!!! So my heart insists that I shouldn’t go too hard on these poor younglings, even if this is just me, currently tackling the brethren of my age. Prepare as I’ll go to shred their composition they’re going to Tel Aviv with, “Heaven”, to bits.

Although, what I call “shredding to bits” is merely just nitpicking the reasons the original version (keep bearing in mind that I haven’t heard the revamp yet) sucks imo, and idk, the new “Heaven” miiiiiiight just grow on me, but I heavily doubt about it because I never cared for it in the first place (youhouuu, they were my last in Montevizija ‘19 for a reason), and I’m rather looking forward for the new faves from the 8 songs I haven’t listened to yet rather than those that were already chosen. And even the Eurofans were not quite fond on the revamp, as some think the additional ethno sounds made it sound worse (and of course there are some that kinda like it or think of the song as their guilty pleasure). So why shouldn’t I? :O

Anyway, old “Heaven”. The first sounds on here to grace my ears on this song consist of one light piano note being tapped to an exact rhythm and a confused baby girl stuttering. And I’d’ve maybe enjoyed this more ironically at some point if it weren’t for the latter sound effect being re(ab)used later in the song!! Ugh I hate it. The lyrics are fine I guess... though isn’t it ironic the only English song in Montevizija’s lineup this year won?? It’s like the Montenegrin people were openly cringing when being the only ones to understand Vanja comparing his life to cat’s and mouse’s and calling his heart “the most expensive toy” in his song and then they were like “you know what? Let’s let the WHOLE Europe understand how terrible our lyrics are! ^_^” (no but for real, who still uses “I’m in heaven, falling straight into your heart” as a pick-up line? Did they travel through time from 1998 to 2019 or something???)

Speaking of the 90s, the whole song smells like a dated cliché of that period. You know, the kind of “the high school prom song from that 90s teen sitcom’s who you’re forced to watch when your elderly aunt is in the house with you and there’s nothing else on TV” dated. Dated even more than “Chain of Lights”. Seriously though! It includes the pathetic “wah wah” bassline, mid-tempo beats, the boy/girl-group harmonies... catch me puking sugar-coated cheese to this, no thanks. Oh and if you already read my “Zero Gravity” review (which you probably never even bothered to after seeing how much text would you have to read), I definitely mentioned that I’m not a fan of those “two verses-two choruses” songs, and especially those kind of ones that aren’t sounding like something suited for radio (e.g.: Poland 2018, “Light Me Up”)... this obviously sounds like something from the radio of the times the at-the-time senior highschoolers are currently over 30 or slightly over 40, and that should be 4 and a half minutes long. These verses could just not be more ridiculously dragged out for the choruses to prevail and get stuck in our brains... fucking welp [sic] me already.

Well, if there are any brownie points I could give this, it’s pleasant, it’s harmless if I don’t take into account the cheese vibes this emits, and all this bunch are made up by up-and-coming talented singers that clearly deserved a better song...

And the staging concept in their NF was cool tho (illustrating their power of D mol), and I applaud the couple chemistry I guess

Oh and this below is one of the most underappreciated memes this Euroseason:

*stares into your soul in Montenegrin*

So yeah. Oh and the Rizo(tto) guy who is self-aware of his hotness and the hotness of the much older Eurovision guys this year, but he’s not doing it for me so that I could be in heaven falling, so he’s getting a hard pass.

All in all - a nostalgia cash-in made to appease the housewives from Podgorica to Skopje, from Novi Sad to Štúrovo, and nothing quite else, sung by a cool bunch of people that if anything are deemed this year’s "great people with an unfortunately too dated song and a shitty draw” by me. I don’t know much of their personalities but I do believe that even if they like what they’re singing, they’d be much better off doing a better sounding throwback, at least. So that even the disappointed-by-”Heaven” Eurofans could at least call it “so dated but a BOP!”. And hey, I’m aware of those fans that will likely be pissed at me for not bopping along to this, but I said what I said about it and yet again, if revamp changes my mind, I will change my opinion, but right now I’d not prefer to. Grumpy Adio.

Approval factor: Hell with the no. I would like Vanja back instead. At least he made himself a somebody to be cared about even if the Eurofans didn’t quite adapt to his song in return.

Follow-up factor: somehow, both “Inje” and “Heaven” were/are seen by the masses as instant NQs, so it somehow doesn’t sound like Montenegro is following a great path so far. And after this year anything that audience favours and wins can be seen as a way better follow up after something meh coming after something wrose.

Qualification factor: For the n-th time, I’m yet to check the revamp out to state where this will actually go, but being put 2nd in the draw is a massive stab in the knee, as demonstrated by even the national finals this year (Electric Fields in Australia Decides, Aly Ryan in Unser Lied für Israel, Lisa Ajax in Melodifestivalen final... the only glaring exception is ZENA in Eurofest but is it me or these producers did this just so they could be all like “heeeey we put a winning song on 2nd just to show that a NF song can win from ANY draw! ANY DRAW!!!” lol nope), and from it only a few lucky souls have crawled out victorious (Nathan Trent for example, the draw might have pushed him down in the semi but he got up again!). D mol, for as young and developing in talent as they are, don’t seem to be such. You can be young and pitied for your personality, but you always can at the same time have a song that completely crushes your chances to do well and sweeps up the last shards of hope right in front of your eyes despite being an angel worthy of protection (Ari Ólafsson, anyone?). Unless the D molians work all their magic and the random ethnic vibes into their favour for some reason, but for now it ain’t gonna work.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

And even then, what was so interesting about Montevizija 2019?? Let’s see...

• First off, let’s address one meme of the beginning of 2019 that Facebook may or may have not used purposefully to upgrade their automatic “facial recognition” skills - the 10 years challenge. Our first one of this season is the sassy maneater who spent her ESC stint by trying to unlove a guy so hard that he just couldn’t oblige - Andrea Demirović. Her decade-later A-game happened to be this one song she sang in her mother-tongue: “Ja sam ti san” (I am your dream). Now, I wasn’t particularly into it - I enjoy some electro tracks out there (like hello, “Igranka” is one of my favourite Montenegrin entries, and 2013 entries overall as well) but this one just ended up being the right amount of cool AND overbearingly unsettling for me to not really fancy it. Kinda like “Red” by HyunA - I can only bop to this if I don’t care about the fact I actually hate it, oops. (Or maybe it is just because Andrea once again used a composition done by one of those “rent-a-NF-songwriter” people. Which is at least better than collabing Ralph Siegel who’s stopped being relevant ever since starting to work with San Marino, or even since the hilarious attempt of a peace song sung by the original common framework, six4One. But since Michael James Down has co-contributed to one of the better Montevizija songs last year, I will not allow myself to think it’s thanks to those kind of songwriters.) Nevertheless, the Eurofans actualy kind of loved this song, but sadly, Montenegrins and the international jury did quite not, and she didn’t land on to the superfinal 2 (as opposed to a superfinal 3 last year, to which she could have easily qualified if it still were a 3). Here’s her song to y’all anyways (and the performance too, which just needed to include some random monster dudes dancing around... why? Because Eurovision! ^^):

• Speaking of Andrea, during the results part there was this one shot of hers where she was pictured just casually chilling on her phone, not giving a damn that she’s being underrated on the scoreboard. Not only she was badly rated, but this moment was such an universal #mood!

• In between the finally final results announcement (which I didn’t really know when exactly was it taking place because the winner wasn’t really said out loud before the event I will describe next was taking place??) there was this lottery going on of who would be the lucky two audience observers that’d win tickets to Tel Aviv... hilariously enough though, it somehow malfunctioned and there were some sort of errors regarding the announcement of the RIGHT winner <3 but the winners happened and I hope they’re getting to go to Tel Aviv at some point during the Eurovision events! Hope they don’t feel startled by the lack of taken seats this year.

• Unlike Eesti Laul, Montevizija this year took up the job of showcasing tweets of Eurofans, and somehow this fellow fella ended up seen by a handful of Montenegrins AND international viewers. Take a wild guess which of them know what a daddy Serhat is.

• And who could not forget the magic flying envelope for to announce the winner of the NF:

there must have been some Harry Potter magic in there :O

As for what touches the other songs, well there’s the last year’s fan fave Nina Petković with another song, but it’s no “Dišem”, so don’t even bother. Or bother, but imo it’s just okay-sounding, nothing that groundbreaking or pleasant enough to be competitive. The other few songs were also nice but I’d like not to make this longer as my other write-ups, to be fair. Sucked to be Mr. Kállay-Saunders who, as the international juror chosen for this national final, had to rank its songs... as that NF happened right on the same day his second A Dal 2019 performance was taking off. Not that the international jurors were supposed to be present in Montenegro on the day of this NF, anyways...

Anyway, despite all this goddamn criticism (that could’ve flown more smooth had my computer not restarted in the middle of me doing paragraphs for this review), I’m fare welling the D mol-ians and would like to wish them a heavenly Eurovision experience. ^_^

[youngjaelook]

Regret It — Bodyguard!Wu Yifan

author's note — i had gotten requests to do yifan angst and jakwnaowme im so so so sorry it took this long for me to deliver! also this is lowkey abt junmyeon and reader idk im sorryygaiwnajw hope u guys enjoy this anyways <33 #UNEDITED

request from anon — Can I get a request with Kris Wu? Bodyguard AU! Angst.

request from @biathinks — I heard requests were open so can you write an angsty yifan drabble lol thanks

summary — You eventually fall for the man you can't have, your bodyguard. And in the end, it might just get you both killed.

warnings — character death, angst & strong language.

word count — 2.4K

"You're supposed to be protecting the boss' sister, not fucking her brains out." Hui was worried for his hyung. The end result of his reckless behavior and raging hormones would probably be him swallowing led. "Hyung, are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?"

Yifan had heard it all before. The warnings, the scoldings, nothing about it was new to him. He knew the consequences of his actions, but he didn't really bother to quote, "give a flying fuck about it."

Yifan simply smiled at the younger boy and chuckled. "Don't worry about me, Hui-ah. I won't die, at least not yet." Hui visibly cringed at the last part. He cared about Yifan immensely. I mean, how could he not? Yifan had practically raised him ever since he had first joined the mafia and the mere thought of the older man being shot dead, or worse, tortured, made his heart clench in pain.

"What if they hurt her too? Just to spite you."

Yifan hadn't thought of it that way. He swallowed thickly and shook his head. "That won't happen."

Hui fiddled the ends of his jacket and sighed. "Who are you trying to convince here? Me or yourself?"

The images came in a blinding white. You were splayed on the floor, crimson pooling around your limp body. The maniacal laugh of your brother ringing in his ears. Yifan blinked them away. "Just drink your beer and let's get the hell out of here already."

The conversation ended there. There was no more talk after that, not even when they piled inside the car and drove off.

It was nearly half past ten and you were buried underneath layers of soft, silk sheets, asleep and at peace, until had felt the familiar touch of Yifan lingering on the exposed skin of your cheek. You stirred in your sleep and unbeknownst to you, you smiled out of instinct.

Yifan did this often. He would come into your room when the manor fell quiet and asleep, admiring the image of yourself in deep, tranquil slumber. He thought you looked prettiest like this; eyes closed, lips parted and mind at rest. He knew you also felt better when you were asleep because then you wouldn't have to face your demons, or your brother, which who could also amount to the title of the devil's associate himself.

When his touch could no longer be felt on your skin, you whined involuntarily and called for him.

Yifan couldn't resist you, even from the start when you were just merely the boss' sister, whom he'd have to guard and protect at all costs. "Sleep well now, baby." His voice coaxes you back to sleep.

Morning comes and you're now alone in your bed, much to your dismay. You ran a finger along your cheek, reminiscing the way Yifan's touch had lingered there. You smiled to yourself at the thought of him.

And speaking of the devil, he comes through the door, hair slightly unkempt and lips set in a frown. "Get ready, your brother is coming to visit."

"Brother," the word tastes bitter in your mouth and for one reason only; Junmyeon could never call himself your brother. The man, although sweet and kind towards you, was anything but towards those who worked, or rather slaved, for him and to those who had wronged him or your family.

Yifan sighed. "Please just ready," with that, he leaves and you get out of bed with a roll of your eyes, and a slump of your shoulders.

You always dreaded visits from your brother. Talking to him was like talking to a ticking time bomb. At any given moment, he could explode and the damage was far beyond repair. You've been there many times before, but unlike the rest, you're probably the only one who makes it out alive each time. Being his sister had it's perks, I guess you could say.

You're dressed in white when he comes through the manor's doors. He looks dashing and handsome as per usual; hair slicked back, suit pressed and crisp, and designer shoes shiny and pristine as he takes long strides towards you. You don't bother to hide the displeasure in your face when he stops in front of you. You didn't like your brother, that much was obvious, so why bother hiding it?

Junmyeon tried to give you a smile.

"Y/N," he greets you. "how uhm, how have you been?"

Your gaze hardens and you peer behind his shoulder to catch a glimpse of the pretty plaything he managed to drag along. Poor girl, is all you can think of for her. "I've been better. What about yourself? I see you've brought someone along with you today? She's pretty."

Junmyeon glances behind his shoulder and nods. "She's just a friend —"

"Oh I'm sure she is." Junmyeon narrows his eyes at you as if to tell you to cut it out, but you enjoyed to poke fun at him. It's refreshing to see him all flustered and red. It makes you feel better.

"Ah Yifan, so good to see you." You don't miss the shift in your brother's tone. It sends a chill down your spine. And judging by the sinister glint in his eyes, you figure Junmyeon knows something you don't. "Now that you're here, I'd like to speak to both of you in the dining hall. Perhaps, in private?" You glance over at Yifan for a brief moment, panic evident in your eyes.

Yifan, on the other hand, remains calm and stoic. Not flinching once when your brother sends him and yourself a mischievous stare.

Junmyeon situates himself at the the head of the table because growing up, he's been taught that whoever sat at the head of the table had the most power and Junmyeon knew he had power, a lot of it actually.

He pulls out his gun from it's holster and twirls it around in his hand.

"You both know, especially you Yifan, that I hate it when people deceive me." He starts and you already know where this is going and where this will end. "So imagine my surprise when a little birdy tells me that one of my best men goes behind my back and starts fucking around with my sister." You were caught red handed.

Yifan doesn't even flinch when Junmyeon cocks his pistol and aims it at him.

"I need to hear you both admit it right now. Tell me right now, or I swear to god I will shoot you in the fucking head —"

"Why do you even care, Junmyeon?"

Junmyeon can't contain his shock at your informal addressing towards him. You usually called him oppa, or Junmyeon-oppa. He glared at you. "Why do I even — What do you even mean by that? Of course I care! I'm your brother for god's sake!"

You step in front of Yifan, arms crossed and eyes turned into slits. This was your tipping point.

You scoffed. "You don't act like one, that's for sure."

Junmyeon's eyes widen. "Excuse me?"

"You know what I don't get? How can you claim to care for me yet you hurt the people I love, leave me to wither away in this god forsaken mansion? You don't care for me, you don't even love me." Junmyeon had never felt this overwhelmed by hurt in a long time. The last time he felt this way was when your parents had been massacred along with a few of your uncles and close family friends.

"You push me away, locked me in here, and killed our Shownu-oppa and yet demand that I respect and treat you like you're my brother?" Your voice rises with each word your utter and by the end of your sentence, you're screaming your lungs out and crying pathetically.

Yifan has his hands on either side of your waist and this seems to set Junmyeon off. The bullet misses Yifan by millimeters and he cripples to the ground, clutching his ringing ear.

"What the fuck!" You yell at Junmyeon, who looks absolutely livid with his wild, bloodshot eyes.

He stands up from his seat and storms over to where you stood. "Get out of the fucking way." But you stood your ground, shielding Yifan's body with your own.

"Move or I will shoot you." He threatened.

You mocked him. "I dare you."

Junmyeon, blinded by rage, slaps you across the cheek so hard it sends you flying to the floor. Yifan sees this and is quick to tackle Junmyeon to the ground with a yell. "You don't fucking put your hands on her!" He growls in between his jabs.

Yifan is aware that he's a dead man after this whole situation. You don't beat your boss to a pulp and expect to come out alive in the end. Again, there are always consequences to your actions. But for you, Yifan is willing to risk it all.

Hui watches with wide eyes as Yifan lands a particularly hard blow, and a loud crunch could be heard throughout the room. He practically drags Yifan off their boss and rushes to aid Junmyeon, who, by the looks of it, is in pretty bad shape. "Jesus Christ! Yifan, you nearly killed him!" The other men in the room back him into a corner with their guns raised at him.

"Yifan!"

All eyes fall on you and the evident gash on your cheek. There's blood that runs down your face. Junmyeon's ring, the ring that all of the mafia wore, Yifan included, had broke the skin of your face, which resulted in you bleeding profusely. He hit you pretty damn hard.

The pretty girl Junmyeon had brought with him earlier was by his side, wiping away the blood that dripped from the wound on his eyebrow with the sleeves of the blazer she had on and glared at you.

"Get off me, I'm alright!" Junmyeon struggled to get on his feet, but managed anyways. He walked slowly towards Yifan. "You're a fucking dead man, you know that? First, you screw my sister, and now you try to kill me? You have a fucking death wish!" Yifan grins smugly at him. "I should have hit you harder." The first shot was made and the bullet went straight into Yifan's thigh.

You screamed and ran towards Yifan, but you were pulled back by Hui, who looked absolutely mortified in that moment. He didn't want you to get caught in the cross fire.

"Junmyeon stop! Stop it!" But your pleas fell on deaf ears as the second shot echoed in your ears. This time, the bullet dug itself into his arm. "The next bullet is going straight through your fucking head."

You pounded against Hui's chest as you screamed desperately for your brother to stop. "You think killing him will make you a better brother? You think I'd ever forgive you after this? I hate you and I will always hate you no matter what!" That seemed to struck a nerve in Junmyeon as his gun was now aimed at you.

"Shut the fuck up!" He sneered.

Hui's grip seemed to loosen around you, and you took this opportunity to march right up to your brother. "What, you're going to shoot me now? Just like you shot Shownu-oppa? You think you're capable of killing another one of your siblings, huh?"

Tears spilled from the brim of his slightly swollen eyes and it's the first time in a long time you've seen him like this; so vulnerable and hurt.

"Let's face it, Junmyeon. We can never go back to the way we once were, you had decided that the moment you killed our brother."

Junmyeon was practically breathing in your face as he stepped closer. "He killed our parents. He killed aeomma and appa, even Heechul-hyung. You remember Heechul, don't you? He was a kind man, extremely warm and loving. But he's dead and it's all because of Shownu."

You swallowed bitterly. "Our parents weren't good people, nor was Heechul-oppa and you know that. You and I can both attest to their wrong doings. I remember we were kids and you told me, you fucking promised me that you were going to be nothing like them. But here you are now, a monster. Just like our parents. Just like the person you promised you'd never become."

Junmyeon wails and for a moment, you think he'd change his mind, that he'd finally come to his senses. But the gun goes off for the third time and your white dress is tainted in crimson. Your cripple to your knees and you hear Yifan scream in the background.

Junmyeon doesn't even look at you as you bled out on the floor.

"You are a bastard! I'll fucking kill you!" Yifan is red in the face, tears streaming down his cheeks as he watches as you struggle to breathe and cope with the burning sensation in your side. "I'll kill you."

Junmyeon smiles at him. "I'll see you in hell."

Four gun shots and Yifan falls limp to the floor.

Junmyeon sighs. "Get her to Doctor Choi, so he can stitch her up or something."

Everything just happens in a blur and on occasion, you fall in and out of an inviting darkness that wraps itself around you like a warm, cashmere blanket. You had never felt so at peace.

You were half-awake when you hear your brother's soft voice talking to you. "I'm trying. I really am. I don't want you to go down the path I went, or the path Shownu-hyung went. I want you to be different, to be better."

"I'm just scared for you," he admits in a low voice. "All I want is the best for you. Yifan, that man was just going to get you killed. Hell, even being my sister could get you killed. But I just, I don't want to risk it any further." When his lips press against the back of your hand, your heart cries out and you suddenly want to be nine, playing with paper airplanes with Junmyeon and making promises you can't keep.

"I did this for you." He gets up and starts to walk to the exit.

Your eyes flutter open. "You killed the man I love, you could never justify that." Junmyeon spins around and stares at you wide-eyed. "Sometimes, I wish it was you that died and not Shownu-oppa." When the words roll of your tongue, a strange feeling of relief fills your chest along with the bitter taste of regret lingering in your mouth.

Junmyeon nods and smiles softly at you. "Me too, me too."

[miss-musings]

My List of Top 10 Recurring Blacklisters

For my ongoing "Top 10" lists about different aspects of The Blacklist, today I'm tackling recurring Blacklisters who weren't already included in "My List of Top 10 Blacklisters."

Just for an FYI, I'm also disqualifying Tom Keen and Dembe Zuma, as they both have been regular cast members at different points in the series. I am, however, including non-antagonist entries -- that means that some of these Blacklisters didn't actually end up being 'bad guys,' but instead, either were or later became allies of Red and/or The Task Force.

There actually weren't too many Blacklisters to work with as I'd say about 70 percent of them are one-offs (and I already did a list about them), and many of the better ones who are recurring were already on my other list. But, of the small pool that did qualify, I'm judging them based on:

How much I personally liked them / how compelling I thought the character was

How well the guest star did

How much of a threat they were to Red, the Task Force, the public in general, etc. OR if they were an ally, how much the character adds to Red's or the Task Force's goals

I don't have quite as much time to tackle these entries as I have my previous two lists, so I'm only going to put like a paragraph of explanation for each. Also, no honorable mentions this time.

So, without further ado, let's begin:

10. ISABELLA STONE

I don't really care for Isabella Stone, but it was either her or the Pavlovich Brothers, and I care about them even less. I don't remember much about Stone, other than she was played by that actress who played Jan on "The Office," and at the end of her namesake episode, Red has her chained up in a walk-in freezer or something. I don't remember what she did, or why she was a threat to the Task Force/Red. I know she was hired by Kaplan to do some bullshit, but I don't remember what it was or how she did it.

9. NICHOLAS T. MOORE

I'm not really one for all the cults that this show does. It seems like they try to have 1-2 per season; but I actually didn't mind this one and thought it might be the best cult we've seen so far. It had kind of a "The Village" vibe to it, although I'm still trying to figure out how Moore convinced all those people to join him out in the woods. Anyway, the only reason I included him is because I like the actor -- he played The Warden on "Shawshank Redemption" -- and I thought the way he tricked Aram into getting him his Bible so he could kill himself was kind of clever.

8. THE MAJOR

I also don't really care for the Major, but I thought the actor did well in his scenes with Spader. Plus, he seemed to create a lot of problems (read: drama) for Tom and Liz, with trying to tempt Tom back into a life of crime when he was trying to go straight in S3b. (Am I remembering that right?) Again, I honestly don't really care for or about him, but I thought he was around enough and played a big enough role in Tom's, Liz's and Red's lives that he deserved a spot.

7. SUSAN HARGRAVE

Another Blacklister I don't really care about. (Almost makes you wonder why I bothered compiling this list.) Don't get me wrong. I think Famke Janssen is an underrated actress, and I enjoyed her weird dynamic with Spader in their scenes. I didn't like how she ended up being Tom's mother; I didn't like her ham-handed way of telling those one random dudes about her backstory. She's so open it's like she might as well be an audio-book version of her character. But, again, I think that's more how she was written than how Janssen played her. Even though I don't care about the whole Hargrave/Tom spin-off with "The Blacklist: Redemption," I still think she was an intimidating enough villain in her own right, as she was responsible for breaking Mathias Solomon out of prison and sic-ing him onto Liz while she and Tom were trying to get married. It's interesting that Hargrave was ultimately responsible for attacking her son's wedding and almost getting him killed, and endangering her future daughter-in-law and granddaughter. It's the kind of irony you'd see in a George R.R. Martin work. So, even while I don't like her, I think she deserves a spot because of the impact she had and the threat she posed at the time. Plus, I did think it was badass when Red shot her in the arm and she barely cared.

6. TOM CONNOLLY

Okay, NOW we're starting to get into "I actually kind of like these people" territory. I mean, I don't actually like Tom Connolly. If he were a real person, I would want to punch him in the face. But, as a character, I think he's more compelling than any of the previous entries on this list. Granted, he became a little cartoonish and over-the-top there at the end, but he posed a serious threat. And even though he was introduced to us as "a little too good to not want something" from Cooper / the Task Force, I appreciate that the writers at least TRIED to make his loyalties a little ambiguous or 'on the side of the angels' when he was first introduced. Granted, I don't think it really worked, but they tried. The actor also did a pretty decent job, and I thought his final confrontation with Liz and Cooper (where Liz ends up shooting and killing Connolly) was well-done. It was certainly the most shocking death of a Blacklister I can think of. As mustache-twirling as he was, he still posed a serious threat for Liz, Red and the Task Force. In threatening to kill them or end their careers, he pushed Liz into a no-win situation where if she shot him in an attempt to stop his machinations, the Cabal won by being able to turn her into a criminal. And if she did nothing, they would still win. Okay, anyway, moving on:

5. SMOKEY PUTNAM

I really like the character of Smokey. He's a little wacky, but cheerful and light -- which is something the show desperately needed after the morbid, dark and depressing S4b. Granted, I think how the show introduced him (as someone for Red to track down as a bounty hunter-type person) was a bit forced. But, oh well. I like what Smokey brings to the show and to Red's crew. I also think the actor does a good job keeping up with Spader while also bringing his own bit of weird flair to the show.

4. MR. RALEIGH SINCLAIR III

So, I really just love John Noble, and appreciated that the show was able to nab him to play one of the Blacklisters. And a pretty unique Blacklister at that. I thought his gimmick was really cool and unique, and while I could've done without him killing off all the people he recruited to be doubles, I guess it makes sense. I actually enjoyed when the show brought him back to turn that one guy into a double of Ian Garvey -- that was a nice little twist. I thought his interaction with Spader at the end of his namesake episode was a little too long, but still a hoot to see those two sharing a screen.

3. GINA ZANETAKOS

Our first-ever female Blacklister on the show, Gina Zanetakos was a serious badass. She was clever, fast, brutal and sexy. She absolutely demolishes both Ressler and Liz in fist-fights and she nearly kills Tom. She was quite a force to be reckoned with, both in her initial appearance and in subsequent episodes, and I really appreciated when the show brought her back in S3b. (Which, side note, did she get killed off on the show? I don't remember.) If she wasn't killed off, I certainly wouldn't mind her making a return appearance.

2. KARAKURT

So, fun fact: Karakurt is actually played by two different actors -- one in S2 and a different guy for S3. Not anything I hold against the character. It’s just interesting. Anyway, Karakurt is probably the most threatening Blacklister on this list for our Post Office crew. He easily manipulated Liz into killing a U.S. Senator and even more easily set up the OREA bombing to make it look like her fault. In comparison with his S2 showings, I think his S3 appearances are less-than. He just kind of hung out as a plot device for Tom to track down, beat up and threaten. Much less intimidating, although I appreciate that he didn’t give up trying to get one over on Tom, et al, and escape whenever he had the chance. Just what I’d expect of a Russian assassin and Blacklister extraordinaire.

1. MARVIN GERARD

A weird choice to put at #1, maybe, but I really like the character of Marvin Gerard. He’s just so different from most of the other Blacklisters that we see, in no part because of the fact that HE WAS ALREADY IN CUSTODY when he was introduced. Instead of Red giving the Task Force a name so they can track them down and put them IN JAIL, Red asked for Gerard to be brought to him so that he could break him OUT OF JAIL. Unlike most Blacklisters, or hell just characters on this show in general, Marvin Gerard is very calm, collected, calculated and can talk sense into Red when few other people can. But, he also feels very grounded in reality. He just kind of seemingly wandered into a hostage situation in 3x02 like “IDK what I’m doing here. WTF is going on?!?!” and then just kind of got back into a groove with helping Red and Liz with their plans -- both in 3x02 and throughout the rest of S3a. And, speaking of: whatever happened to Marvin Gerard? I feel like Red called him in Cape May about shutting down his business or something, but I don’t think we’ve seen him since 3x10. Hopefully he makes another appearance on the show, because I really appreciated how unique he was as a Blacklister and what he brought to the show as a character and to Red’s team as an asset.

[seesarahaccomplishstuff]

Therapy today helped a bit.

I told my therapist how I’ve been having intense breakdowns since Monday and haven’t been doing okay.

She asked what happened and I told her how I thought the childhood stuff wouldn’t bother me because it was so long ago, but it’s so frustrating to see how much my parents fucked me up. And now there’s this huge list of ways I’m broken that won’t stop growing. And it’s my entire personality. And more people are leaving and that triggered my anxiety, and someone that I’m trying to trust massively crossed a boundary that made my rejection issues even worse.

So she nodded and said “you have a lot to work on. And you really jumped all into it, which is really great, but you’re going to feel like you’re losing for a while. It’s going to overwhelm you a lot. And it’s going to feel easier to lock yourself in your room and off yourself.” (Which I didn’t expect her to say, but she’s right) So I said, “I just don’t fully see the point in trying to fix 30 years of broken.”

“What’s wrong with your personality?” “It’s all fucked up. Everything I do is codependent.” “Sure. Give me an example.” And I couldn’t think of one offhand, so I said, “the thing I realized the other day was I do something for someone because I care right? Which is fine. But also when people are stressed about their situation they get mad. And when that happens I get snapped at and shoved away. So I help to avoid that too I think.”

She was not sold on that. “You used to buy dinner for friends a lot. You did that so you wouldn’t get in trouble?” “No. I did it because I like when people do nice things for me and they don’t always make sure they can eat so I do it so they feel cared about and are healthy.” “That’s just being kind. When you would pay a bill for them they typically pay it right back. So is that codependent?” “No. They need help so I help and they pay it back.” “The times you did it when you didn’t have money to spare. (Which I argued and she called me out lol) The times you let them blow off repaying- that was codependent. You do have a lot of codependent tendencies. But kindness is inherently codependent. You can’t rip apart any time you’ve shown someone kindness. Your biggest codependency issue is not holding boundaries for yourself.”

“You need to repeat the phrase ‘People treat you the way you’ve taught them to treat you’.” “My friend used to say that to me at least once a week.” “Yea well, they’re smart and we’ve covered that you needed to listen to what they’d tell you more than you did. You also need to remember that you don’t control other’s emotions. And other people don’t control yours.”

“People think you’re manipulative and controlling. That’s what they’ve taken from your behavior. You can’t control that. You know it’s not what you intended. You know you’ve been improving for many months. I know you have. But you made them feel a certain way and their opinions didn’t change. You can look at that and acknowledge it and re-examine your behavior like you are. But you can’t change their minds. And their feelings don’t make you that person. So fixating on it doesn’t get you anywhere.”

And then she asked me if I was doing all of this for me or them and I told her I’m having a hard time prioritizing myself. That it pisses me off when people pull the “great pain means great growth. You’ll look back and smile” bullshit. Because the way this feels is terrible and I hate it. So, I know I can’t change anyone’s view of me, but I’m doing all this to try and be who I wanted to be for people who had to leave because of my behavior. And she accepted that.

I also have to start some EDM... pretty sure it’s 4 letters. It’s something to work through past trauma. She said she’d send videos to watch. My alanon group leader asked if she did that sort of thing last week so I guess that’s just where we are. Wait lol... edm is music lemme actually Google the acronym so I seem less ignorant. EMDR, damn dyslexia. Anyway. That.

But basically, I need to really work to not shred myself when I’m low. It’s gotten bad. I also need to start on my books that came yesterday. 2/3 are here. She wants me to try and list my codependent behaviors. I also need to start painting and journaling again. I like this outlet and it’s easiest for my brain, but the way I was doing it all in my watercolor notebook was really therapeutic. It’s just been a bitch of a week.

I’ll be fine and I feel less like having a breakdown or dying. I think I know another thing that is really fucking with me through everything, but I don’t feel comfortable posting it here right now I think. I also can’t do anything about it.

Last night in alanon a woman said “when one door closes another one opens, but the hallway is hell.” And like, yea. Fuck dude. I took a psych class once where the teacher had a gazillion psych type degrees and would open the class with us getting to ask about mental health shit. And one kid asked if it was possible to change personalities. And he said “sure, but you usually see it following a trauma where it rewrites your thought processes. Because it’s hell to do otherwise, and a lot of people can’t handle it.” And I get it now. I thought he meant habits and comfort zones. But it feels like being handed a pile of shards that used to be your brain and given a timelimit to reassemble it. But half the pieces are trauma copies and you have to figure out which parts are imposters, but they actually fit better than the pieces that should be there. And if you fail you lose everything.

Anyway, that’s where I am today. I queued a couple posts last night so you might see random downers, but what I’m thinking of doing is only reblogging positive stuff, and queueing negative stuff that resonated for like, 7am. And I say that because sometimes I rescroll my blog to recount the day or previous day to either feel good with the good posts again or reevaluate the things I’ve said the day before. Since with my mood they don’t always apply still or I may have a totally different approach at that thought. And I do that when I go to bed around 2. So at 7 I won’t be seeing negative shit right before bed. Cuz I’ve fallen asleep and woken up bitter the last few days.

We’ll see. I have lots to do today. I’ve been off twitter so no children have reminded me to do my taxes. I also have to get a new phone today so I’m fully out from under my mother. And I have insurance stuff and inspection cleaning to tackle. It’s only 1 and I’m ready to call it a day.

I hope what my therapist said helps anyone else who is struggling. I like hearing the lines that have stuck with patients and really helped them. So when it doesn’t fuck with me I’d like to be open about what I discuss in therapy. I always used to think it’d solve so many of my problems if I could send my friends zoom links of my sessions since I’m so bad at expressing myself lol. So this is also a bit of an exercise for me to be more outspoken about my feelings (if this bothers anyone you can send an anonymous ask) And therapy isn’t accessible to everyone so maybe it gives someone what they need to go forward a bit in their struggles. (Alanon and CoDa are free and on zoom now though! Definitely look into it if it applies to you!)

There’s a line in a bts song. Idk which one honestly, Ik it’s in the BE photo book though I can post a pic. It comes to mind because my friend would write it a lot when they first heard it. And it’s something like “sometimes we get to know that broken is beautiful”. My therapist today said “you are broken, everyone is. And no one is as broken as they think they are.” I hope one day this feels like a beautiful moment in my life and not the purgatory it feels like. I hope I grow enough for it to be worth it.

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had a good day, or at least a calm one!  I think your tree is adorable, and I love your tree topper!  It’s so pretty!  Also, my congrats if Mo leaves it alone.  Most of the kitty parents I know are full of horror stories about their cats climbing the tree/trying to eat the tree/trying to eat things off the tree/etc.  XD  One friend’s cat earned herself the nickname Monkey because the very first thing she did the night they brought her home was go right up the tree.  I’m pretty sure that was at least a decade ago, and the only person who ever calls her by her actual name at this point is probably my friend’s dad.  Another friend complains every year that she can’t use tinsel on her tree anymore because her cats will try to eat it.

And omg, that Disney/TW thing was terrible.  Most of them seemed to only be using the most shallow, surface level reading of the characters, as usual they seemed to forget that Disney made animated films before the early 90s, and also as usual, Noah and Melissa got left out, despite having been there the full run of the show.  I think I usually headcanon Peter more CN than anything else, but I can see the logic behind some NE being mixed in there, too.  Some of that could be because I tend to see his apparent desire for power as more of a trauma-based need for control than just purely for its own sake.  (It might have helped if they’d been a bit more consistent with his character…)

It’s probably because I was out of the fandom for a while, but most stuff I’ve seen that addresses it typically has the Hales being of British Isles descent.  I think that’s mainly because the name itself is English (I think?), and it helps to explain the abundance of Celtic mythology/imagery if it’s something they brought with them when settling the town.  I’m not particularly bothered either way, though, and always enjoy a chance to learn about other culture’s customs.  :D  And I love how everyone just agrees that Peter is the type to just casually speak like a dozen languages, just because he can.  XD  Also, I’m now picturing a springerle rolling pin that’s nothing but wolf images, a quite literally hand-carved hand-me-down (that I’m going to pretend was stored in the vault.)

And yeah, I figured the other kids would adapt pretty well, but I definitely foresee an issue with Jax.  I feel like it’s going to come down to one of his siblings having to step in, probably either Malia (because he actually likes her) being like “Hey, could you maybe try not being such an obnoxious douche-nozzle to my dad before I punch you in the throat?  Do I treat your dad that way?”, or Ben just being like “Why are you so mean to Poppa?” and then Jackson will have to face the full effect of the sad puppy face that got sprung on Stiles.  XD

 I feel like it would make sense for it to take a few full moons for a turned wolf to achieve a full shift, especially if there’s no genetic component.  Almost all the wolves we see turned in the show have a rough enough time adapting at first without throwing in something like that.  I definitely think it makes more sense for born wolves to have an easier/quicker time of it, especially at first.

I love both of the recent previews.  I seriously have been ferally screaming over the pinned one all day.  XD  The swagger.  The mountain ash.  The “goddammit Peter, he’s not afraid of you, he’s afraid for you” of it all.  And the section when he’s first shifting is good, too (no matter when it was written.)  That’s going to be freaky as hell, even if you’re expecting it.  And the whole thing with the way his bones are cracking and such just feels like it emphasizes how warped and wrong it all is, at least to me, because as best I remember, the few times we see a full shift in the show, it just sort of seems to flow from one to the other.  Also, it just occurred to me that his alpha form was almost like a perfect balance of the American Werewolf in London and Underworld versions of full shift.  I’m curious to see if he maintains that version or if the presence of his mates/pack help him heal to a more normal version.  Part of me wants to see him get better because I don’t like seeing them hurt, part of me really wants to see his beast form tackle hug Noah and Chris and try to cuddle in their laps.  XD

And oh, man, those window seats just made me want them to have one in the rebuilt Hale house, maybe in like a loft or an upper floor, that’s big enough for the three of them to cram into, or the kids, or assorted combos thereof, in whatever forms they choose.  Especially for like during storms and stuff.  Just, all the cuddles, and reading stories to the littles, and taking random naps in the sunshine, and everything.

Also, now I’m picturing Noah and Chris singing shit like “You Make It Feel Like Christmas” and “Cuddle Up, Cozy Down Christmas”, or like that “Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy” thing Bing Crosby and David Bowie did, while trying to make Peter a surprise breakfast, and it’s adorable.  And I’ve been listening to way too much Straight No Chaser holiday music to deal with the idea of them all singing together in anything approaching a rational manner.  And is he not supposed to look at them like they’re part of the menu?  I’m pretty sure if Peter was given the option of what he’d like to eat first…well.  XD

Those poor teachers.  They probably thought they’d lucked out with this one after Stiles and Malia, and then the holidays came around…  (Just wait until they get the next round of Haleargentski children…)  XD

And I’m going to hold you to that promise of romance XD (not really, if it doesn’t work out that way, don’t worry.)  I would say “my body is ready”, but that feels like it might come across somewhat awkward.  XD  Although it did occur to me that given how he is about the whole “your all’s shirts are way too tight to share” thing, when it gets to that point, Noah’s probably also going to have one of those “it’s been a hot minute, so some things aren’t quite what they used to be” type moments like Chris had with Peter at the motel, though I think he’d be more likely to try and joke it off, and Peter’s just going to be like “Gods, you two really are as bad as each other sometimes”, while happily reassuring both of them, because he can, and he enjoys it.

And wow, I’ve rambled on so much longer than I meant to given that I have an early shift tomorrow (or today, really…  ’>.> )  So, I hope you got some decent rest, and your meds are helping like they should, and that you are happy with what you got done on the chapter.  I hope that today goes well, too, and that you find some good candy at post-holiday discount prices, if that is a thing they do there (or will that not happen until after Christmas?)  Anyway, I hope you have a good day, whatever else happens.  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Hey hey, I honestly had a pretty good day yesterday, a little busy because of last minute store runs and an uncooperating phone. (oh joy, had to reset the bastard twice) but other than that, pretty good. 

Treated myself to a new game for Sinterklaas. It’s the Spiderman Game of the Year edition, I didn’t have that game yet and it was on sale for like 28 bucks and people left really good reviews. Maybe if I get some money for Christmas I might also get me the Miles Morales one, the new one. But I’m also getting Cyberpunk cause I pre-ordered it back in April, so we’ll see. I might just wait until Miles Morales goes on sale too in a couple of months. Still have to finish Valhalla first though XD.

And you’re not gonna believe it, but Mo left my Christmas tree completely alone. He does not care about the Christmas tree. He does not care about plants. He does not care about BOXES. I honestly think my cat is broken, but then again, I am typing this while he is sleeping in my lap and purring, so who cares.

And Omg XD I am eternally grateful Mo didn’t do that but I love Monkey and can see why they got that nickname XD What a rascal!

I mostly included NE for Peter because apparently that’s what Ian Bohen considers Peter’s Alignement to be. I personally think he’s more CN too (though I am probably basing that on his trauma.) 

I actually made a personal alignment chart for the characters in Once Upon A Time here. (Though I forgot to include three characters namely the Nurse, John,  and Danny. I think Danny would fall under either NG or LN and he would probably tell someone if someone’s shoe laces were untied, and the nurse more under LE I guess, considering her background, though I feel like she’s not evil for evil’s sake she more or less was driven to it and as such has a strong need for revenge regardless of whom she hurts, though she tries to redeem herself later. (and that’s all I will say due to spoilers). And she would probably tie the person’s shoe laces for them, old habits die hard.) John I feel like would be CG or LN and he’d be the person to untie his own shoes in solidarity. (kinda like his grandchildren Stiles and Malia, where do you think they got that one from?)

But yeah I’m still not sure how to feel about the Disney one. I can kinda see with some of them where they were coming from but none of it feels ‘flawless’ or particularly right to me? Idk. I honestly feel like Kuzco and maybe Pocahontas were the two biggest Nopes for me. I mean Scar kinda fits, Elsa, I can see that, but none of it I truly identify these characters with. Idk.

And I feel like Peter or John probably had the foresight to store some of their most prized family heirlooms in that vault. Such as a copy of the family photo, Peter’s triskelion necklace piece, a springerle with wolf inscriptions,  some video tapes of the family, personal artifacts of each family member, and Talia and John’s claws, family recipes, some gifts John made for his grandchildren, and John’s journal about the family history, werewolf lore, and lots of dirt on both Elias Stilinski and Gerard Argent.

I feel like Peter speaking lots of languages also just makes sense. He seems to be the type to have connections everywhere and to have little birds everywhere listening in for him. He would also be the type of person to either have connections to or keep an eye on the Russian and Italian Maffia, he learned French and Polish for Chris and Noah, Spanish is just a useful language to learn because it's vast. And German and Dutch were taught to him from a young age, probably some Latin too. So I can see why many people would headcanon Peter as mutli-lingual, it just makes sense for his character.

Malia and Ben ganging up on Jackson is my new favorite image. Can you imagine what the combined power of those two will be? Also just any of the teenagers realizing they can deploy the younger sibling to be absolutely adorable and people will do anything for that face, no matter what the teenagers are asking. 

As for Peter’s wolf, why not both? There’s no reason why he can’t act like an overgrown puppy as a beast and still heal and slowly revert back to his original form over the course of a couple of full moons as his mind heals from the trauma.

They’re definitely getting a windowseat big enough to seat three adults, four teenagers and a couple of little ones. Surrounded by books, a few curtains and lots of pillows. it needs to happen.

And you guessed it, there’s gonna be a shy moment where both Chris and Noah get self conscious about their bodies. Noah because, well, he gained some weight, got a bit older, has some stretch marks although he’s still goddamn fit considering what he does and he tries to play it off as a joke, Peter will show him just how sexy he is, really. And Chris has another moment because he had another baby, so more pudge, more stretch marks and due to his humanity, more scars. I think I’ll let Noah handle that one first and then Peter helps. Chris of course also worships Noah’s body, because holy shit, none of them is exactly in bad shape, but Noah’s definitely been hiding way more. Also Noah’s tall now, so Chris just sort of melts when the taller man sweeps him off his feet. We also need some Omega/Omega love in this story.

And wow, now I’ve been rambling XD. I’m gonna make me some late breakfast (it’s 1 pm) and grab some coffee and then start writing.

[ncstings]

idk it was a cute idea i had that could probably lead us into hcs

“when was the last time you got on facebook?” her eyes are cast down, scrolling through her phone with her purse in her lap, the words coming across mindlessly. she knows benjamin doesn’t check often.

“maybe three weeks ago. really only check when cecile posts something.” he casts a look to her when he makes a turn. “why?”

“no reason.” she shrugs, tilting her lips downwards. “i was just curious.”

he snorts, his eyes back on the road. “you don’t ask things just because you’re curious. what do i need to know? or are you trying to keep something from me.”

her mouth hangs open, and she puts a hand on her chest. “i’m not trying to keep something from you. how rude of you to assume that.”

“now you’re offended, which must mean you’re keeping something from me.”

“i’m not! i was just curious.”

“i’m going to check my facebook the minute you get out of this car.”

“you really shouldn’t. i mean it, don’t do something just because you think it’s going to piss me off.”

“is it?” he raises his eyebrows. “jesus, what am i going to find on there?”

“nothing, i was just curious!” she exclaims.

benjamin stops at the redlight, looking at her with skeptical eyes. he lifts his hips to reach into his back pocket, pulling out his phone as he maintains eye contact.

“oh now that’s just dangerous.” she rolls her eyes. 

“tell me what i’ll find or i’ll look while we drive.”

“i normally don’t say this because it’s not usually true but you’re a fucking idiot.” 

he looks at her, the light in front of them turning green. he lifts his foot off the break and wags his phone around, clicking the side button to unlock it.

she didn’t even want to bother challenging him. probably why he even tried pulling this stunt. “fine.” she sighs. “my sister is getting married.”

benjamin keeps his eyes on the road, his face scrunching. “how would i have known that? i’m not friends with your sister.”

“i know.” she holds out a hand. “but when i was on the phone with her the other day, she gave me shit about it so she said she, along with the rest of my family, were all going to friend request you.”

“okay.” he shrugs. “so what.”

“so what?” her eyes bulge and she huffs, running a hand through her hair. “they’re all nuts! i don’t want them anywhere near you.”

“no georgia, you’re nuts.” he pulls up to the building, putting the car in park at the entrance. “if you’re family is anything like you, i think i can handle them, at least on facebook.”

“yeah but i’m cool and crazy. like a fashionable nuts. they don’t even have good personalities.”

“well that’s just cold.”

“i’ve earned my right to insult them.” she looks away. “anyways, i just wanted to warn you and get ahead of it before they start berating you.”

“berating me with what?” he laughs. “you are acting as if they’re going to reach through the screen and choke me.”

“they might as well.” she rolls her eyes, putting her phone into her purse and looping her arms through it. “they want us to come. i already told them no but they think they can convince me through you.”

“ah,” he nods. “well why aren’t you going? your sister is getting married, that’s a big deal, and also your thing.”

“i don’t want to.” she shakes her head. “we can talk about this later. the girls are waiting for me.”

“we definitely will.” he nods, and unlocks the door for her. when she opens the door, he speaks up. “hey,”

she stops, turning her head to look at him with arched brows in annoyance.

“i’m on your side. just want to know what’s going on.”

she nods, readjusting her purse before leaning over the middle console to give him a quick kiss. “i’ll give you a call. i promise you i will be at least tipsy.”

“have a nice time.” he brushes his fingers through her hair. 

she climbs out of the car, shutting the door behind her. it’s a quick walk to the lobby of the convention center. and sure enough, sitting at a bench, each with a little paper cup of coffee, are the beautiful blondes who promised to come.

“where is mine?” georgia quips, stopping in front of them.

without response, maggie pulls out a cup from between them. “they didn’t have an espresso machine so i got you an americano.”

“you know an americano is made with espresso.” georgia narrows her eyes, taking the cup.

“what?” her eyes gape, looking between the two. “did you know this?” she looks to charlotte.

“it was cute, i didn’t want to say anything.” she snickers.

“what the hell is that then?” maggie says softly, the two women standing and beginning to head into the convention.

goergia takes a sip, and her eyes widen. “definitely not an americano.”

when they reach the door, georgia flashes them the printed off tickets, and he nods. just as quick as she pulled out the tickets, she moves just as quickly to take out her ipad. 

typically, the wedding convention is a serious endeavor georgia usually tackles on her own. it’s a weekend experience of looking at the list of booths weeks in advanced to plan out her plan of attack. it was about networking, collecting swatches, building connections. she’s been every year for the last five years. many know her by now. but her career has blown up in that time too, and some people just know the name when the card is presented.

when benjamin saw her at her desk, papers laying about, sticky notes on the papers with frantic notes everywhere, he asked why she wasn’t taking charlie and maggie. she asked him why he didn’t taken vincent to his lectures.

then he brought it up again when they were all having dinner together and she just about slit his throat. of course, maggie’s eyes glowed at the suggestion. it was hard to say no at that point. she looked so excited, how could georgia tell her no?

it also didn’t help that vincent called her a week later to ask her to help him pick out a ring. not that he really ended up needing her help in the end since he found one that was better than anything she would have picked. but once that happened, it was pretty clear she wasn’t going to go alone.

so sure, go look at pretty wedding dress displays, florists, venue pictures, and then go have drinks and complain. georgia told herself whatever she didn’t get to today, she’d make up for tomorrow.

but today was for having fun. she was good at that. 

“your sister’s getting married.” maggie points out, the three of them starting to walk down one of the rows.

“don’t remind me. virginia has called me three times already.”

“wait, i thought you haven’t talked to your family in a while.” charlotte asks.

“i don’t. i give my customary christmas phone calls and that’s been it for years.” she sips her cup. “they want me to come for the wedding. she got engaged a month ago but they’re moving forward with it pretty quickly.” she holds the cup to her lips. “she’s twenty six, and getting married before me. she’s already sent me pictures of her in her dress.”

“okay.” maggie clears her throat. “sorry i brought it up, we wont talk about it. we’ll just look at these pretty flowers.” she steers them towards a table, her fingers brushing over one of the bouquets. “this is so pretty.”

that slippery little thing. shoving her dress in georgia’s face after only a handful of times in the last decade. but it’s all different now because she’s getting married. as if they’re the best of friends. georgia can’t tell if virginia wants something out of her, or if she just wants to be terrible. wouldn’t be surprising if it’s both.

but maggie was right, the flowers were beautiful. she has to step forward and start flipping through one of their books. she needs to stop thinking about it.

they make their way through multiple booths. georgia shakes many hands, gives out her card to a dozen people. she’s with her friends but she still talks business in scattered moments, taking down some notes and things to think about for later. of course, the girls don’t mind, they stand off to the side and flip through swatches while georgia gets all her answers.

it isn’t until they see the mannequins that they stop. georgia likes to save that part of last. it’s usually her favorite. she knows there’s nothing that can get you quite like a dress. she knows, and she can see that reaction in maggie when she looks over it.

“they’re so beautiful.” her eyes get glossy just looking at them and georgia can’t help but grin, putting a hand on her back. 

a clerk comes up, beaming just the same. “looks like i found the bride to be.” she sings.

“oh,” maggie shakes her head, “no definitely not. just looking.” there’s clearly a bit of disappointment in her eyes as she looks over it.

“she’s being dramatic.” georgia squeezes her shoulder. “any day now. she’s just with a guy who really knows how to take his time.”

the clerk chuckles, and gives some quick quip. georgia introduces herself and shakes her hand. 

“i’m sure he’s a great guy. typically whenever we work with the guys they just say how nervous they were to pop the question. that’s usually why it takes them so long.” the clerk adds after the pleasantries.

“i have never known vincent to be nervous.” she snorts, her hand playing with the necklace around her neck. “not like i’d say no. i’ve always told him i want to spend my life with him.”

“yeah, he’s also a bleeding romantic.” georgia rolls her eyes. “don’t think he could give you anything shy of something out of a movie. you know for one of her birthdays he hired a band to play this one terrible ed sheeran song in front of their house. i wasn’t there but she tells me it was very romantic.”

the clerk coos with her hand placed over her chest. “that’s so cute. see, men just don’t fully click sometimes. they do the things and they’re perfect but getting engaged is just where they stop sometimes. it’s like they short circuit. but he’ll catch up.” she looks around her, and then smiles. “do you want to try one on?”

“oh---.” maggie blushes. “i--- i couldn’t. i know these dresses are so far out of my range even if i was.”

“but you should be able to feel like a princess, right?” she returns, grinning wide.

“what’s the harm in trying on one dress?” charlotte adds with a casual shrug.

“okay okay.” she nods, and they’re quickly moved back.

charlotte and georgia take a seat on a bench while maggie is moved to a pop up fitting room.

georgia sips her coffee and looks to charlotte beside her. “i went to the bridge troll’s restaurant.”

her friend chuckles, shaking her head. “okay, what did you think?”

“it was good.” she nods. “he came by our table once. i didn’t tell him we knew you but he’s very dashing. not my taste at all but---” she shrugs.

“yeah sometimes i wonder if he’s even my taste.” she shrugs.

georgia gives her a look. “stop. if he wasn’t your taste, you would have left him in the dust and you know it.”

she huffs, tipping her head back to finish off her coffee. “yeah he’s just far from easy.”

“when are they ever?”

“vincent.” charlotte points out almost immediately.

“yeah.” she sighs, looking out in front of herself. “a rare breed.”

“maybe i just don’t like nice guys.” charlotte rubs her jaw, looking at the ground as if coming to some grand conclusion. “oh my god, i’m one of those women.”

“welcome to the club.”

“alright ladies, are you ready?” a floating head peaking form behind a curtain asks, cutting them off from their conversation. 

then, maggie steps out, and both women gasp. it’s breathtaking. of course, maggie’s always been a sight, but it’s something different when covered in white lace. as if now in glittering tulle and her figure flattered perfectly, she is an etherial beauty being sent of to another realm. a realm of holy matrimony.

“jesus, mags.” georgia gapes.

maggie steps up to look at herself in the full body mirrors. her hands run over her front, and down the fabric. “wow.” she breaths, and the glossy look is back. “this is gonna be me someday.”

“yeah.” georgia grins. “someday soon, maggie. you’re going to look this beautiful and you’ll get married.”

that gets her to choke, laughing through the tears as she continues feeling over the fabric. she turns her head back to look at the clerk, still laughing. “you’re so good at your job.”

they all laugh, and maggie runs her fabric over the tulle, getting lost in the fabric. getting lost in all that it means.