This Is Me Trying
'I just wanted you to know that this is me trying.'
Azzi Fudd x Reader
Based on this request (sorry it took forever lol)
Masterlist
Word Count: 1.1k
Themes: depression, mild alcohol abuse, hurt/comfort
A/N: hiii so here i am trying out writing for someone other than Paige, and I really hope you like it! If this is a decent success I may write for other people as well :) And of course it was time to write a fic to go along with my most favorite song of all time (folklore stans rise up)
Lets do thisss
also sorry this is lowkey kinda depressing i am a sad girly
~
Your lack of sleep was showing in deep purple bruises under your eyes that no amount of even the heaviest concealer could adequately cover. You haven't slept well in days, and today’s shift had not helped your exhaustion. The day was filled with incessant neediness, people cussing you out, and an endless amount of shit.
Literally and figuratively.
You walk into your apartment, just wanting nothing but to fall into Azzi’s warm and loving arms, but you’re met with the still darkness of an empty home. Your girlfriend was in Las Vegas playing against the Aces, and she would not be home until tomorrow afternoon.
She had promised to call you after the game, but you weren’t sure if you would even make it through your shower, much less wait up for her by the phone for another three hours.
Your eyes fill with tears, the feeling of overwhelming loneliness mixing with your exhaustion, and as you throw your stuff on the floor, dredging your body into your bathroom, letting the downpour of water drown out your own tears.
You had become quite accustomed to hiding your feelings behind bright smiles and fake laughs, desperate to clutch onto the need to prove to everyone that you were okay.
Even if you really weren't.
Your girlfriend had enough stress on her, and the idea of her needing to worry about you, too, was enough to send guilt shooting through your entire body.
You had kept up your facade all throughout college, choosing to take long, solo car rides until you had to pull over, the tears swimming in your eyes nearly blinding you. And when you were strung along to the bars with Azzi and the rest of her teammates, you drowned your sorrows and fears with liquor, numbing your thoughts and your body until you were delirious.
You were the golden girl.
You knew what jokes to crack for which group of people you were around at the time. Your grades were stellar. And you had bagged the prettiest, sweetest girl in probably the entire universe.
So, you resented yourself for feeling anything other than being on top of the world, because it was actually quite the opposite.
It got worse once you graduated.
Azzi was often gone, traveling for away games, and that left you alone to process the unimaginable emotions that came with your budding nursing career. Feelings of loss and incompetence clouded your brain constantly.
Today was no different.
You had lost a patient, a kind, gentle woman who finally let go, taking her last breath while gripping your hand, completely alone.
It broke you, and the devastating reality had sunk into your chest, crushing all of the air out of your fragile lungs. And you were now gasping for air, leaving you feeling bereft and vulnerable, like an open wound.
Maybe that’s all you’d ever really be, and you could not help but think that you were the festering wound in yours and Azzi’s relationship, threatening to slowly tear it apart until the two of you were left standing in the tattered shreds of what used to be.
You wanted things to be okay so, so badly, but the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and longing had set in, chilling you down to the bone. And you were scared.
So you would just continue on pretending.
Azzi comes home the next day, and you put the mask back on the second she walks through the door. You’d be lying, though, if her presence didn’t make you feel the tiniest bit whole again. You melt into her arms, drinking in her presence, as she rubs your back soothingly, her face pressed into the crook of your neck.
Maybe everything would be okay, if only you could be honest with her.
~
Azzi lays in bed next to you, and you indulge in the way her smell has permeated the soft bedsheets again, after days of the scent slowly becoming less and less potent. She smells warm and comforting, and you nuzzle into her, desperate for her to fix every little part of you that was screaming out in insecurity and despondancy.
A low sigh escapes your throat, secretly wanting your girlfriend to pick up on your mood, and because she knows you better than anyone else, she does.
“What’s wrong, baby?” She questions, her tone filled with concern and worry. She places a hand on your cheek, coaxing you to look into her eyes, and the glow of the lamp on the bedside table illuminates the kindness emitting from her deep brown irises.
“I–” You begin, taking a deep breath and then stopping. Trying to put all your emotions into coherent words was quite the task. And honestly, you were terrified of how Azzi would react.
Her thumb strokes your cheek, as she sits up fully next to you in the bed, eyes still peering into yours.
“It’s okay, it’s just me,” she murmurs gently, and something clicks inside of you.
It was Azzi. You could tell her anything, and it would never even come close to dimming any of the love she felt for you.
In that moment, all the anxiety you felt about coming clean seemed silly, like it had been built up in your head to great heights, and here it was now, crashing down all around you.
“I’ve been really depressed,” you mumble, your cheeks feeling warm from her touch and the prickling of shame. “For a long time, actually. And I really fucking miss you. I hate feeling like a needy girlfriend, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.”
The confession pours out of you, and as the air stills between you, your heart races as you watch Azzi’s face contort into a look of hurt and confusion.
“Oh, baby,” she breathes, scooping you up and setting you into her lap, legs draped over hers as she interlaces your fingers with hers.
“I’ve been missing you, too. And I didn’t want you to feel like you had to sacrifice your career for mine,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss onto your temple.
Your shoulders sag in relief, and you connect your lips in a kiss. There were numerous unspoken words shared as your lips entwined in a sheer display of passion.
As you break apart, you gaze back into those dark brown eyes, pupils now blown wide. “Guess this means we’ll have a lot more time to be doing this,” you giggle, wagging your eyebrows at Azzi.
She shakes her head fondly. “Just want my sweet, happy girl back,” she whispers in your ear.
Little did she know, you already were.
~
I really hope everyone enjoyed this. I have been toying around with a lil Pazzi fic, so let me know if you'd be interested :)
xoxo katy
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@fullladypanda-blog, @omg-imtumbling, @tenaciousglitternerd, @oldcrdigan, @paigebuxkets, @the-other-half , @patscorner , @dietcokesmom , @tndaqltoifwy
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the other thing abt tim&tam that fascinates me is like... she met him when he was at rock fucking bottom and clawing his way back up. and it's partly by virtue of how comics often are written but their romance reads a little rushed to me - she kisses him for saving her life, and that's that. she's into him now. she sees him and she realizes he's sad, he's hurting, he's a little freak, but how well does she actually know him? she trusts him with her life because he's saved it before, but does she know that he used to go to baseball games with his dad, or that he goes to car shows for a good time, or that he's struggled with the vigilante-civilian stuff for years? what does he know about her? (hell, what do we the reader get to know about her that's not related to tim or her dad?? not even her college major???)
and i know it being a romance that just ... happens + tam getting kinda shafted as "The Girl™" is kind of part and parcel of the comic book medium, that the romances are often rushed bc the focus is on the action and plot, but. i think leaning into that in this case as an in-universe phenomenon is fun. because tam idealizes tim for being her hero when she was in mortal danger, and because tim's never had a civilian friend be in the know before, and he's reveling in that novelty, because he doesn't have to lie to her... until he does anyway, because old habits are hard to break, and he still has that same mental dichotomy of "person he can respect/trust enough to work with as equals, versus person he needs to protect and therefore keep out of the loop" (see also: how he and frankly all the bats treated steph in the past).
and i think that actually makes their breakup so compelling. she was willing to look past all his flaws or just see them as exciting because he's a hero and he saved her and she's his confidante. he is in the fucking pits mental health wise and he has Not worked on figuring out how to deal with his worst habits. he's entrenched in the vigilante business and he's jumping from pitfall to pitfall. tim doesn't even think he did something wrong - he thinks keeping that lucius was alive from her was necessary even if it cost him her friendship. like, it sucks and he wishes it didn't have to be that way, but he doesn't think it was a mistake or the wrong choice. of course they fall apart. it's inevitable. if it hadn't been over faking her dad's death and not telling her it was fake, it would've been something.
anyways i just think them both having a slow burn from awkward exes/ex-friends into real actual friendship for the first time would be so good. like both of them actually getting to know each other in ways they didn't before. like, tim has to do enough character growth to get out of his mental health pit and work enough on his identity issues etc. to understand that he didn't have to shut her out. that will take him a hot minute. and i think tam realizing how little she actually knew him outside of being a hero is also just sooo juicy.
so it should take time. but after they get to the point of being able to have actual conversations again, i wanna see tim talking to her about things other than business. and tam actually getting to tell him about her interests. gimme them growing to care about each other for who they both are as people, not just because circumstances brought them together and then kept them there because she knew too much for tim to walk away.
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─── A Letter for @marushato ✦
If you have received this, it means you signed up for Sachi's Selfship Event !
TWINNNN. We only recently became moots but I alr love you. Thank you for hyping me up and feeding our delusions together. You seriously make my brain melt. I hope to see you annotate my future works as well meehehhheheh.
✉️ Attachment: ABCs with Narumi Gen
[A] Affection
He likes to play it cool and pretend to be the nonchalant boyfriend in front of everyone. But who is he fooling? Absolutely no one. Everyone in the first division knows how clingy he is. Yes, that's pretty much 90% of his show of affection—just Narumi wanting to be around you 24/7. He also likes to share his stuff with you (he never shares ANYTHING, so you know you're special). Whether it's food, a game, or something he bought off of Yamazon—best believe that if you asked for it, he'd probably let you have it.
He's a sore loser too. But he'd gladly let you win when you play games together because he likes seeing you smile so widely.
[C] Comfort
Narumi's a bit awkward when it comes to comforting you, especially since you're quite good at concealing your feelings. Like he knows you're not okay, but he's not sure what to do (like the vibes are off). At first, he might try to comfort you with his words. But he soon realizes he's not that good at it. So he tries to do things for you instead—like getting you your favorite food or giving you a massage. He gives you absolute princess treatment basically (he'd want to be treated like that if he were sad, so yeah!)
He also suddenly becomes nicer? LIKE who are you and what did you do to Narumi?
[D] Dates
Most of your dates are spent indoors, either at your places or in your rooms at the base. You love playing games with each other. Even if all you do is play while talking to each other—y'all are pretty happy with that. But on the rare occasion that you both have a day off that coincides with each other's, you drag him out of his cave. You get breakfast/brunch/lunch together (dinners are too much of a hassle, y'all would rather be in bed by then). But there have been many instances wherein he practically begged you to join him at a convention. You guys buy figures together sometimes!
[J] Jealousy
Like I said, he tries to act nonchalant about your relationship, but he's the biggest fake idgafer ever. He gets annoyed for two reasons: 1.) he's a naturally possessive guy, what's his is his; and 2.) the audacity of that person to actually try and take something from THE Narumi Gen? His ego could never. But he'll whine and moan about it before confronting that person. He'll ask you shit like, "Do you really love me or what?" You know it's bothering him when he transforms into the biggest drama queen. However... you don't really have to worry much about him. He naturally repels other "potential suitors" and he's waaaay too loyal to you.
[K] Kisses
He almost fell to his knees the first time you kissed. You both remember it well because you two were arguing about something silly at the time before the major event happened. Narumi always gets butterflies in his tummy no matter what kind of kiss you give him. You'll also notice that he likes just about any kiss on the face—cheeks, lips, forehead, nose. Sometimes you still catch him blushing, but he'll start calling you crazy and gaslighting you for imagining things lol. (He was a terrible kisser at first, but you taught him well).
[O] Other People
Everyone's a bit confused how the two opposites that used to butt heads all the time are suddenly together now. But through time, people are just glad that there's someone that can handle Narumi. Due to your relationship, he has become a bit more responsible. He attends meetings more than he usually would. Hasegawa is personally thankful that you do his work now (babysitting Narumi lol). But beyond that, they find you two to be the cutest couple ever. Both of you try to be the nonchalant one in the relationship, but you both know that y'all crazy for each other.
[X] XOXO
His little act of love is that whenever he orders something from Yamazon (which is pretty much all the fucking time), he always makes sure to get a little something for you. He's confident he makes enough money to splurge on the both of you. Plus, he loves the bright smile on your face as you unbox his packages together. He ordered you matching figurines once (figurines from the same series/game) and he was sooooo proud of himself.
Thank you for participating. I hope you like it :3
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o-sachi © 2024 pls do not translate/copy/reupload my work on other platforms.
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