#because as much as i hate this show from an artists POV it still does scratch a specific itch

[death-limes]

As someone who loves Hazbin.... I agree with you, the show gets way more credibility than it should. I have watched the show a dozen times and there are still details I miss because the pacing of the animation is god awful. The animation gets praise because the characters are over animated while standing around - but during action scenes it goes by so fast you can't see anything!!

Please keep the hate up, fans need to be humbled.

incredibly rare W for the hazbin fandom, you are an inspiration to us all 🫡 thank you for being Based and also Very Cash-Money, i will continue hating as normal

(but seriously thank you, that first sentence scared the shit out of me so I'm glad to be pleasantly surprised ^^ i'm ashamed to admit that i STILL have not actually sat down and watched the show because I only JUST got over my obsession with it & idk if i wanna risk summoning the brain fungus again)

[monbons]

WIP Wednesday

Posting actual WIPS on a Wednesday? Imagine that.

As long as we are all baring our hearts on tumblr, I have to admit that I have been struggling to write anything since I wrapped up Eternal Life (back in the first week of April). At first I figured I was simply burnt out since I wrote all 42k words of that fic in just about a month, but given that I've started three separate WIPS since then and made zero progress on any of them, I'm wondering if I am just out of stories. I hate all my words--even though I really love some of these concepts. So, as you may have noticed, I've been distracting myself with sewing projects because good progress is so clearly visible there...

Anywho, to motivate myself, I decided to post a snip of each today and hope that having bits out in the world will motivate me to finish at least ONE of them! All untitled. Set up and snips below the cut.

Very creatively titled "Party Robot," this WIP is a silly/fluffy one-shot inspired by an article I read a while ago about a growing trend in American weddings. This one is the furthest along and will likely see the light of day eventually...

A nervous bounce.  From a robot. I recognize that bounce. “I thought you said Shepard was working tonight.” My voice is tight. “He is.” Bunce replies, similarly strained. “What did you say he does again?” Panic rises in my chest.  “He’s in entertain–”  Whether Bunce trails off or I simply don’t hear the rest is irrelevant because the music has changed from easy dinner instrumentals to much-too-loud techno and the show is clearly starting. As the synths build, driving towards a crescendo, my brain reels with the growing realisation that Simon would never just abandon me at the last minute, would never send me anywhere alone, certainly not my cousin’s gay wedding, which is every kind of milestone given his Old Families lineage and Pitch blood specifically and– “PARTY PEOPLE!” The DJ booms into the mic. “Have the grooms got a treat for you!”

A multi-chapter AU I have lovingly nicknamed "Baz in a Bubble." It is sad and angsty and is proving significantly more difficult to execute (despite having a complete outline) than I once thought it would be. Who could have guessed having one home-bound character would make me too sad to write? Thanks to @thewholelemon and @hushed-chorus who've listened to more than their fair share of my griping about this one. Anyway, here's the first bit of BAZ POV:

There are exactly 297 stars in the sky above me. I count them while lying in my bed every night. They do not twinkle or flicker hello like real stars. Instead, they glow a constant yellowish-green that reminds me of the colour artists always make toxic sludge in the cartoons I grew up watching. It's the colour of superhuman villains and their evil plots. Of poison. Of danger. It's the colour of the plastic star stickers Fiona put up on my ceiling when I was 10 and spent the whole year crying and begging her to go outside. Just once. Just for a minute. Because I was starting to forget what fresh air smelled like or how it felt to have grass prickle against your bare feet or how the stars lit up the night sky in Hampshire. There are no stars in the middle of London. Not outside my window. Not in this room.

And then the WIP I have the least progress on (literally almost nothing) but I so desperately want to write and could really use a thought partner to help me brainstorm/plot/figure out what the hell I'm doing--- a canon divergence where Simon successfully exposes Baz as a vamp and Malcolm steps the fuck up as a father. Here's a bit of Simon POV:

It didn't matter anyway. Pitch Manor was empty. While [the Mage] ranted and raved, I wandered into Baz’s living room. The TV was still on. Peppa the Pig was playing. A half-dressed Barbie was splayed on the couch next to a small bowl of grapes, all cut in half. I picked up the doll and brushed her tangled hair out of her face.  Why didn’t I know Baz had a sister? A family that ate snacks together in front of the TV? Parents who loved him so dearly they fled their whole lives under cover of night? In the days that followed, I sat in meeting after meeting with the Coven, listening to The Mage. He demanded the casting of tracking spells, pushed through more dark creature reforms, and rambled about the miscarriage of justice and the dangers of harbouring monsters.  But Baz wasn’t a monster.  He was just a boy.  A scared boy.  A boy who ran because he wanted to live. 

Anyway...here's to accountability via tumblr. Maybe once I've slept for several weeks and feel more refreshed I won't be so frustrated by every word I know, or more precisely, all the beautiful ones I can’t seem to find…

Thanks for the tag @bookish-bogwitch. Cannot wait to devour the new chapter of BPD!

Hellos and high-fives to all. May your words (and art) be faring better than mine: @raenestee, @cutestkilla, @roomwithanopenfire, @facewithoutheart

@emeryhall, @artsyunderstudy, @aristocratic-otter, @larkral, @rimeswithpurple

@drowninginships, @valeffelees, @shrekgogurt, @blackberrysummerblog, @iamamythologicalcreature

@run-for-chamo-miles, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @arthurkko, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @youarenevertooold

@beastmonstertitan, @supercutedinosaurs, @rbkzz, @fiend-for-culture, @theearlgreymage

@brilla-brilla-estrellita, @skeedelvee, @ic3-que3n, @talentpiper11, @ivelovedhimthroughworse

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Hey,

Hope you’re having a lovely day. I sent this ask because I believe you and I are in the same place, the middle ground, not a pjm but not fully ot7(at least by twt standards)

I would like to have a discussion on the drawback of Jimin. I’m new to the fandom but even before I joined I distinctly remember the name Jimin.

I was a 1D fan and Jimin was all up on my YouTube. I remember watching his compilations before I could even tell the band members apart.

Anyway flash forward and that same Jimin is what has me joining a tumblr space to share my woes. Why?

Because I genuinely care for the guy. Like if something were to happen to him I’d cry. I resonate with his albums. Appreciate his music and I feel proud seeing how his voice has improved.

I don’t feel the need to be up in his private life but I still like to know he’s okay once in a while.

He is kind of like an acquaintance.

Anyway, I feel it’s important others know, as a past local, that Jimin knows how to shine.

This guy is smart, he knows himself and he knows his charms and if he WANTED to, he would.

No one can ignore Jimin. Everything about him stands out: his looks, his voice, his charms, his dance.

My take on FACE as someone in marketing: it’s poor marketing.

Hybe knows how to market.

You don’t become a multibillion dollar company and not have a marketing team.

My take on the marketing strategy: Use Jimin to draw the public eye, then as a ladder to push the other artists up.

On the street, smoke sprite, face, people Pt 2

All released around the same time. Multiple music shows, beat coin, Jimmy Fallon, face playlist, behind the scenes content, face live

Did I miss anything? Maybe it was such a whirlwind.

Anyway I give the marketing of FACE a 5/10. Nice buildup but chaotic/ crazy at the end.

Listening to Jimin I realize he’s very humble and hardworking.

he’s the kind of person that you can’t help but praise, and that stirs jealousy.

his members praise him, the persons who work with him praise him, his fans consistently praise him, his friends praise him, he’s even made an impact on his tattooist.

locals praise him. But he also stands out too much. Like from a marketing POV, JK is much safer? Even look at reactors, they feel so strongly toward Jimin that they have to preface: I’m straight blah blah whilst the others it’s just “yeah I like RM, JK/V”

I don’t know how to describe it. Jimin is so unique he’s controversial.

I could be watching a BTS video with a muggle and they recognize no one but the “guy who looks like a girl”, then all of a sudden we’re in a conversation about their sexuality .

it’s kind of frustrating, and annoying….so most Jimin fans are understandably silent. Especially with this influx of jealousy and hate

But what is silence? Silence is not good for data.

so what does hybe marketing team see? A whole lot of jungkook and tae

Jungkook and Tae on instagram. Jk and Tae on TikTok. Jk and Tae topping google searches. JK especially

so they likely conclude, we should make JK our pushed product. Because they can’t afford to push everybody.( or can they?)

And then, what happens? Jimin who’s been basically working with his in-house producers this whole time comes and pushes the competition out the water by topping the billboard, AS A DEBUT, with a song in KOREAN.(again the man isn’t safe lol)

I can’t describe to you how mindboggling this is. If I was a marketer I would have been shocked and realized that, Jimin has a silent fanbase but a highly engaged fanbase.

There is a reason Tiffany and Dior wanted him. A highly engaged fanbase is more likely to spend money, while a bigger but less engaged fanbase is good for mass appeal( say Calvin Klein)

A highly engaged which is so much more important imo. That is the foundation BTS propelled itself off of. That means you just need proper promotion, his silent fanbase just need to find the courage to speak and share and you have a force.

The issue? Jimin’s fans are silent because Jimin is silent. They were loud when Jimin was loud, locals couldn’t stop hearing Jimin. They subconsciously follow what Jimin wants, and maybe, like many others, they probably feel Jimin isnt ready to shake up the whole world yet as a solo artist yet.

and he made it clear he isn’t. He made the album to get it off his chest, and is basically saying he does NOT want to outshine his band members. (JM: I know you love me but remember BTS is first everyone)

so Jimin fans are basically stuck supporting his music and sticking with the ot7 till another time.

but I want to say to all Jimin fans, with that #1 on Billboard you made a statement. There’s a reason kpoppies are all up in your grill. There’s a reason Hybe is putting more focus on the other members. There’s a reason Jimin is not promoting himself that much.

cause they know, they all know. Even Jimin himself knows he’s a force to be reckoned with. The man just wants to chill as a member of the band for now, but continue reminding him and the company time and time again that he has the potential to shake up the industry .

Hi anon,

Thank you for sending this. I really do appreciate it. I'm sure a lot of people do as well.

Perhaps Jimin does want to do things quietly or perhaps not. But I don't want him to ever think that he is not enough for us and therefore we didn't do enough for him.

So let's follow what this anon is saying. Stream his music, give views to his MVs and fancams, engage with any content that has Jimin like Tiffany, Dior, naver articles, all of that.

We will see what happens in the future but for now, this is what we do.

Jimin deserves the world.

Thank you for sharing all this!

-I have attached a post with Jimin centric playlists:

-Please give views to this video (it's a competition, ok?):

-If we want Jimin to get awards, we must give Youtube views. I hate Youtube but it must be done.

-Presave Angel pt2, which will be released on Thursday, 6/15. Don't buy on Thursday, wait until Friday. I will post playlists once the song is out:

I think the link might not work for everyone so try here too:

https://fastx.lnk.to/AngelPt2

I think that's about it...for now

[zeldaelmo]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

Tagged by my wonderful friend @bahbahhh.

__

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

484,215

My goal for 2023 was to hit the 500,000 and I'm positive I'll reach it.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Legend of Zelda, all games apart from Zelda I, II, and Minish Cap (because I haven't played them so far)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

How to name a royal child

Stolen Kisses

Strangers in the Night

It's in his Kiss

Flour, water, salt, yeast, love

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Uh... in theory, I do. I love getting comments but I often feel stupid saying ten times 'thank you' in a row, so I end up answering mostly when I have something to say.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be Lonely at the Top. I don't really write angsty endings, but this one is hurt/no comfort as it tackles Link visiting the Light Dragon who doesn't even react to him.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hm...I'm not too fond of the fanfic version of the perfect happy ending, namely, proposal, sappy wedding, and omg, twins!, mainly because I love the nuance life teaches us. What a happy ending for a fic and a character is, is so often much more different than the fairy tale version.

That being said, I'd still go with Strangers in the Night, just because the two worked so damn hard for their happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Hate is a big word, but I get negative comments and sometimes they are even personal, yes. Most people are lacking reading competence and/or don't understand how stories work. I mostly ignore those. Sometimes I complain on discord if it's very annoying. If someone insults me, I block.

I don't think that has to do so much with me, though. I have 1,346 comment threads on my stories. Of course, there are some idiots among them, that's life.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, occasionally. I think ten of 77 fics are explicit. Look, the thing is, I'm a story teller. So if the smut doesn't add to the story, I don't tell it. Rule of thumb is, that I keep it to a T-rating if possible to make the story accessible to most people. I only go for explicit stuff if I want to deliver some part of the character development/plot with the intimacy (or the lack of lol) that the smut offers.

Does that get me the most Kudos? No. But I'm not here for that or I wouldn't bother writing for 30 years old games. I'm here to tell a good story and have fun. :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No. If you've read so far, I can tell you a secret as a reward: I find crossovers pointless. Ooops.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I am aware of! But I'd love to! Big fan of accessibility!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. I've seen a few writing collabs end in fandom drama or otherwise go awry, so I decided that I only collab with artists. I might try with something short one day, but nothing novel-length.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Take a guess.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ah, so I have a half-written novel in my drafts. A story about writer!Zelda and fanartist!Link who are also princess and beloathed bodyguard. I'm very determined to go back to that one after I finished The Promise, but I'm a little scared. The story is complicated and my thoughts are chaotic. I already asked @mistresslrigtar to help me work it out next year, so I hope we'll manage.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and showing what's going on in the character's head who's not the POV character.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with simplicity sometimes, mainly because of the language barrier. I write something that's horribly complicated and I just know there must be a better way to put it, but I can't figure it out. Grammar is hard, lads.

I also have a weird relationship with descriptions. I love having characters interact with their environment but I loath big chunks of description. I plan to work on this during my traditional holiday self-study break.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

This is a weirdly specific question, but ok.

If you don't happen to write a book that's supposed to teach beginners the other language, then don't. You might end up othering the person who's speaking and that's something you don't want to dabble with lightly.

I already talked about accessibility: You will exclude people from your writing and you don't want that just to sound cool. If you must for plot reasons, make otherwise sure everyone is on board. Slightly different case if you actively hide something from your readers (and other characters), but that's probably not the most common case.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

LoZ

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I refuse to answer this. 77 fics are too much to choose from. I love most of them.

_

tagging: @mistresslrigtar, @airplanned, @jenseits-der-sterne, @silentprincess17, @deiliamedlini, @skyyknights

[hvenart]

Just when I thought I finally was able to let my beautiful man go for a while, I looked up the lyrics for bitter and follow and OMG.

So the songs Bitter and follow are intro and outro songs for my beautiful man. Bitter was made for season two and follow was already in season one. Other than being absolute bangers they are also so beautiful lyrically!!

Bitter is from Hira’s pov and honestly does such a good job of explaining his character. His conflicting feelings towards Kiyoi of wanting to worship him and capture his beauty but also wanting to touch him. I don’t know how to explain it but Bitter is SO HIRA. Also the references!! I’m gonna put the references in another post otherwise this post is WAY to long so I’ll first talk about Follow.

Follow is in Kiyoi’s pov and is just SO GOOD!!

It constantly repeats the sentiment of Kiyoi wanting to be worshipped and his disdain towards Hira but there’s something more. I saw someone in the comments say that the whole song almost feels like a lie. The chorus starts with ‘I really hate you’ and then continues with piercing and hurtful words. Yet you still feel that there is some kind of desperation and almost loveliness to it that is JUST like the show and Kiyoi.

Sometimes it almost feels like he’s begging for Hira to worship him. No matter how much he says he hates him and makes him sick he still wants ‘more and more’. Even if he dislikes him he still wants Hira’s eyes to be on him and ONLY him.

Also love the reference to the handkiss.

There’s also a part in the middle where it almost seems like he is confused about what he is and says that he ‘unwittingly became a king’ and it’s just SO GOOD and in tune with Kiyoi’s character. The end the song has the same sentiment as kiyoi had in ep 5. At the end of the day Hira is (at the very least towards Kiyoi) also selfish and stubborn just like him. His ‘public display of affection is vague’ and ‘he needs to come on more strongly’. Kiyoi wants Hira to try to get him. He wants him to be the one to take a step forward and make Kiyoi accept him.

As much as I love literature and analysis, I almost never think that a song is better because of it’s lyrics. My favourite songs are my favourite songs because I like how it sounds and the vibe of it. BUT THIS SONG, it just became way better when I studied the lyrics and read comments about it. You just feel the emotions way better. And i think that is possible because of how tune it is with the show and the feelings behind it are the same but in a different medium which is once again SO BEAUTIFUL.

Sigh, once again my English is way to fucked to fully express my love for this song and how great it fits with the show (also how even as a stand-alone song it is amazing asf). Rosu is truly an amazing artist and I’m happy I found them through my beautiful man.

[anxietywriter]

Boundary Breaking

A prompt list of things people do that either push, invalidate, or flat out break character's boundaries as well as a list of possible boundaries + brief desc. (i switch pronouns and pov's a lot in this, my bad)

Don't touch my hair without asking: hate it when anyone, even friend or family, just randomly come up and stroke my hair, especially from behind because wtf? headpats are more ok for me since they're not creeping on my hair but it might not be ok for others :)

people responding to this boundary by saying that they and their friends braid each others hair all the time and like playing with each other's hair, equating that to sneaking up on someone and caressing their hair

asking if they can pat my head and saying "i don't know if it's okay because you're kind of weird about that," yeah that's weird of me /s

people that go behind me, scoop up my long hair, touching my neck, and just going "your hair feels nice" completely umprompted, like what made you think this was okay

people that just randomly decide to put their grubby paws on natural hair?? like no especially if they fuck up your do

silently reaching out for my hair, instead of telling me something's in my hair. like tell me, use your words, either i will let you go for it or i will do it myself but please vocalize it

i personally can't get my hair washed at salons bc i don't like people touching my hair/scalp that much,, makes me squeamish

I've got stuff to do: whenever you try to leave, or tell someone that you can only stop by, they always try to get you to stay any way possible. to the point where they will tell you that what you want to do or will do isn't important or as enjoyable as spending time with them.

peer pressuring you, even jokingly, for 20 minutes, because at that point it is no longer a joke and it is exasperating

everytime you try to end the night/leave, they try to reel you back in by saying things like 'oh do you have to leave now' or 'you could just make a quick stop and come back' or 'we could watch more of this show'

when you respond to their texts or something at night after hanging out they say something along the lines of 'smh you're still awake, we could be hanging out rn' guilting you

they minimize whatever you're working on or whatever you're stressed about, trying to make it seem less important in order to get you to goof off or hang out with them

even if you have work and are hanging out with them and they say it's fine, they still interrupt you while you're doing work to pay attention to whatever they find absolutely essential for you to see

when you feel like there's not a lot of wiggle room for what you need to do versus focusing/hanging out with them, you need to enforce that boundary of prioritizing your needs because the situation is nearly codependent

No unsolicited comments on my art: i personally don't do art around anyone really unless it's in class and whenever i happen to outside of class, it does not go well. even after just one comment, it feels like they're watching my every move which kind of kills my flow. also they often comment without knowing anything about the piece and it comes off as very ignorant rather than a meaningful critique.

positive ones are at least well-meaning, but you aren't given context/the concept of the art, it might be best to leave it alone, especially if it's a sketch

negative comments do not help, even if they are joking, especially if you try to life their art up it can feel very irritating

art has ugly phases, wait until it's done or get out

if you aren't told the concept of the art and you make a negative comment, you have to understand that you run the risk of doing that to a piece that the artist made to reflect a sensitive topic

safest bet imo is if the artist isn't asking for criticism (ex: if they're in a classroom setting or directly asking) then might be best to hold back

artists, especially young ones, are often still growing and still developing their own art style and trying to really grasp proportions or composition. so don't be quick to tear them down when they trust you enough to be part of the process.

I don't like physical affection: for my lovelies that just don't like physical touch. most peeps like physical touch, so it's super uncomfortable when those peeps try to force that touch on you, especially after explicitly saying nope. like creepy crawlies all over you skin ew

never force people into hugs, don't care if it's cute or if that's your love language, it's not theirs, it discomforts them

don't just sidle up to them casually and squish yourself to them. yeah they notice, and it's also kind of creepy

accidental touches/brushes are fine and sometimes unavoidable, but the deliberate shit, the booping, the pats, the arm linking, nope. count them out.

constantly forcing them into physical affection isn't going to make them warm up to it or get used to it, it makes them associate physical affection with force. so yeah it's even worse than before congrats

Don't call me that: certain adjectives, terms, names, all of those can have different associations to different people, especially if they're a minority or have a certain life experience. for example, i hate being called cute because if i know that person irl, then i know that it is because i am small and not taken seriously, which i find irritating, like listen to me.

if they are uncomfortable being called a certain term or name, refrain. there can be negative experiences associated with that, find a damn alternative

trans rights are human rights and it's 2022 bitch, not that hard to at the very least respect pronouns. get used to saying the correct pronouns for someone, it's actually not super difficult or a burden. imo pronouns aren't a super big deal, if someone likes certain pronouns i'm happy to oblige, doesn't cost me anything to make them feel better

if they have an aversion to a certain pet name or adjectives like 'pretty' or 'handsome' or 'baby' again, avoid it there's probably some negative experiences associated with them. continuing to say it in a loving/affectionate tone does not necessarily change that association for them

names and pronouns are kind of an important part of someone's identity, so ignoring their wishes or making fun of them hurts and sucks ass

joking around and saying 'i know you don't like it when i call you/that cute but it is!' isn't fun, it's not quirky, you're literally ignoring a boundary that person set and are making them uncomfortable, even if it's only slightly

Personal bubble please: some people have no sense of personal space or respect and it's just bothersome, like not irritating but definitely discomforting. getting too close, especially from behind can be kind of creepy, like you do not need to be this close??

me no likey when people stand behind me and look over my shoulder, giving me horror game vibes over there

there is so much space on this couch/bench why are our thighs touching, get away

i absolutely love you but if your arm knocks into mine one more time it will be war, just make a lil steppy over

please do not just fucking touch me with your whole palm this is uncomfortable why do you need this much surface area, pull back a little bit my dude

why is your face so close, back up, stop, do not pass go, do not collect 200 monopolians or whatever it's called, leave the bubble

Why are you touching my stuff: everything has a place, it is organized chaos more often than not for me. i will remember it if i see it, but if you put it into a drawer when i am not around, i will mourn its loss and not find that thing until a decade later. also like, grubby hands off, it is mine to do with as i see fit

hate going into my room and seeing all my stuff moved around, like where is anything. like i appreciate the work and effort that went into organizing/cleaning but i am internally screaming because i can't recognize anything

when people are just picking at my stuffed animals and hoodies, looking kind of judgy, like leave them alone,,, i love them they're quite literally my comfort items

yeah you better stay away from the bookcase, that monstronsity is mine to clutter and organize in an incomprehensible fashion

they just start opening random cubbies/containers, like no? get out, that is my secret stash of unhealthy snacks and kinetic sand

i am deathly afraid that you will break/drop that glass or fragile object, please set it down in a gentle manner

if i ever come in and i see you quickly retract your little robot arms back into its socket, suspiciously positioned close to any object on a random surface, i will end you

just ask dude, if you're genuinely curious i'd probably be happy to talk about it and let you touch it (for the most part, no one lays a damn finger on my figurines)

Stop leaning over to see my screen: some things are not meant for others to see. the internet's weird. i'm weird. i like this weird thing and am not ready to share it with the world, step away from the phone dammit. it's also actually awful because i am 99% sure they see me trying to keep the phone outside of their sight, clearly not wanting them to see the screen, and yet there they still are.

when you turn the phone away or physically try to scooch out of their view and they still crane their neck over, like no. that was not an invitation

when you physically move your hand away and they still try to look or even grab for it like no, just no

instead of confronting them, just changing the screen or having the phone off around them bc you're tired of having to manhandle their eyes away from your screen

getting a fancy privacy screen for your phone and they question it, trying to guilt you for some strange reason? like 'what did you get that for' or 'i mean if you have nothing to hide'

them just looking over your shoulder to get a straight on view of the screen

[thoughtsofdoll]

Hypnovember in February Day 28

Set a timer for 28 minutes and let your unconscious mind write whatever it wants. Post the writing if it's not too personal.

Is it about poetry or isn't it? should i remember it or not? what are the rules that i must follow? i do better when i know what the rules are. good fences make good neighbors and good boundaries allow creativity to flourish. i think poetry in any form is a power exchange relationsjhip between the poet and the words/concepts/structure/ideas. it comes from a place inside of you but also it's dictated externally by forms and expecations.

for me poetry needs a rhythm to it, something that sets t obviously apart from regular speech. poetry is speaking in a dance step. and sometimes it's just the tiniest shuffle on sand, and sometimes it's restricted to a pre-ordained figure. and just like dancing if you can inhabit the form and make it look effortless than the people who don't dance themselves see what you've done and think to themselves "that looks easy, i'm sure I can do it too", and maybe they can. or maybe they can't but are so inspired to try that they work and work at it until they can.

i once accidentally insulted someone by saying that the things I wrote were like poetry and the things they wrote were like architecture, because i shoose to find freedom within form and function, while they try to create theyr own form and function, and to me it comes across as being artificial and constrained. i can't find the freedom in their words because their words scatter across landscapes and mental vistas in such a way that it's really hard from me to link one sentence or even sometimes one word to the next. their poems feel like planned communities to me, where all the houses are soulless because so much time has been spent on planning the neighborhood that the spirit of the individual is lost. i know that this implies that their poetry is very uniform and without variation, and if you asked them they would say it's not, but to me it's almost like having no pattern and no rhythm to it is their camoflage for actually exposing their own vulnerabliity. what is poetry for if not to rip away our self-mad shilelds and let the people we expose ourselves to be able to threaten us with their compoassion and undersatnding?

being vulnerable while creating things is necessary but also really hard. there are a lot of reasons that someone might want to hide themselves asway axcept for the part of them that they show through their art, whatvevr kind of art that might be. when you hear someone's words, words that they think expose so much of themselves, and the only way you can respond is to say this is confusing, or this doesn't speak to me, or i feel like you're making things for someone who is less like me and more like you, what is the point of that?

"Be more like me and less like you" is the root of so much confrlict in the world. i hate when art makes me feel like that is what the artist is sagying. and yes i know that art is about the artist sharing their pov and making a window into who they are as a person and letting other people see how their own personal expereinces have made them the kind of artist taht they are, but i think there is a difference between "i am showing you my differences in the hopes that we can find kinship" and "you have to be like me in order to undersatnd this thing i've done".

how does the absence of words affect your art if what you create depends on words? what does it mean when you can feel the words slipping away, being pulled out of you and onto a screen through a river that speeds them along and out of your mind?

what kind of poetry is that?does it still count as sharing something of yourself if the self that is doing the sharing has no recollection of doing it? the time and place from which the words come is now. the words before these words do not exist. only the words that happen in this moment are words at all and any pausing between words or sentences or paragraphs leads to silence.

deeper things from deeper spaces within me

the deepest spaces and deepest just means far far away maybe or perhaps uncoupled from the main engine of my mind

i feel so good

that is a thing that uses the words to show the shape of my mind

there are things in the pictures in my head that mean something gut most of the time they are unfocused and so hard to see but sometimes like now they flicker into clarity

a person in a hat

a bunny rabbit nose

the silhouette of a solitary church but rotated sideways. there are bushy trees next to it that are the size of bushes by the shape of trees.

i am letting myself go deeper

and the images in my mind's eye go by so fast that sometimes i can't identify them gefore they are gone

skyline streetlights potholes and pockmarks, rope or cord like a necklace

the words are going away as i go deeper

kkkkk

@hypno-sandwich

[countrymusiclover]

3 - The witch he needs

Part 4

Princess more than a Nickname

@the-big-bad-klaus @alanaangie24

Caroline's POV

"He seriously called you for a favor. How twisted of a crazy psycho is he!" I blurted out sitting on Bonnie's bed in her room. She texted me to come over right away and didn't involve Elena because she was already stressed about this whole sacrifice thing Klaus has planned. She pulled out a witch book of spells and a notebook throwing it into a bag ready to leave. "Yeah it was weird Care, but maybe if we help him he won't try and kill our friend." Getting to my feet I tilt my head to the side not believing that's in his nature. "You really believe that, Bon?" She shakes her head no heading to my car where we drove to his mansion. "No I don't but that's why you're coming. As my vampire back up just in case."

Bonnie goes inside first with me following behind her where we immediately see Klaus standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Caroline, Bennett witch so glad you could come assist." He spoke smiling my direction making me roll my eyes. "What do you want, Klaus?" He crossed his arms over his chest looking to her. He tilts his head up towards the stairs and we followed him into a bedroom. Bonnie immediately noticed a open coffin to which she walked up asking. "Who is this girl?" I vamp up beside my friend whipping my head around to him with a growl. "Is this one of your victims!" He bawls his hands into fists stomping up in my face and I glare up at him. "For your information, love. She willingly chose to be with me. But if you'd like to be a victim I can surely arrange that!" Bonnie stomped in between us holding her hands up before this gets out of hand. "If I help you can't hurt the people I love. Now tell me about what happened to this girl...what's her name?" Klaus sighs dropping his shoulders simply replying. "Y/n, she used to be a princess."

Y/n's POV

"Nik stop. Stop it, I've already had my portrait done." I squealed trying to knock his scretchbook from his hands as we sit under a tree with fall leaves of orange and red by a small river. He smiled still moving the quill drawing me. "That artist completely failed to capture your beauty, love. But rest assured I'll do a much better job." I rest my back against the tree with my hair loose with two small braids on the side. Wearing a light blue dress and some boots underneath. I hate wearing pinchy shoes so I prefer to wear these. "If you love to draw so much why aren't you an artist?" I asked with a smile watching him stare at me with his legs crossed as he drew.

He bites his lip mumbling out a half mysterious answer. "My parents, specifically my father and I don't get along well. He threw me out." Normally I don't want to pry into his mind but I sense that he's hiding stuff from me. When I find the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. I don't want any secrets, no matter how bad. "Does he give you nightmares. Like Brooke she has nightmares about these people my grandmother calls Night Walkers?" Nik whipped his head up at my question not answering but just staring at me. "Sometimes he does. But I'm more curious about these...Night Walkers did you say?" I nod turning to face him straight on. "To me it seems like an old wives tale. Because if these creatures that have fangs and drink blood do exist that's possibly incredible."

Nik just parts his lips reaching forward intertwining my right hand with his. "Would you meet me here tonight under the stars. There's something I want to show you?" Without hesitation I smiled. Later that afternoon as Brooke and I are sitting in my room my chambers door gets opened by my grandmother rushing her out. "Brooke, I need to speak with my granddaughter alone for a moment." She curtsys leaving the room as she pulled out a silver bracelet. She clips it onto my right wrist with a warning look written on her face. "This will protect you from those creatures as you sleep. You're mother may think I'm crazy but she refuses to tell you the truth of your powers. So this shall protect you." I nod my head still very confused at her words. I would never tell my grandmother that I didn't fear the rumors that creatures such as vampires do exist. They didn't necessarily need to be feared.

Klaus's POV

"So have you figured out how to wake her yet, Bonnie?" I asked leaning in the doorway as the witch sat on the floor reading my mother's grimore in front of her. It's been 500 years since we've been apart and I'm losing my patience. The night those witches preformed the ceremony Elijah managed to get information from them while I wanted to set the whole castle on fire. "No I haven't and you hovering isn't helping." I roll my eyes knowing Caroline is downstairs lisening from the kitchen. She needed a blood bag and we had plenty. Bonnie gets to her feet resting her hands on the side of Y/n's open coffin making the room fill with silence. The witch placed her hand over one of hers suddenly gasping and spinning on her feet to face me. "Did you spell her after she died?" Stepping closer to her shoving my hands in my pockets I shake my head confused. "No she already had vampire blood in her system. Why do you ask?" She grabbed my hand laying it over Y/n's right hand slowly mumbled still in disbelief. "I can't explain it - it's impossible in the nature - but she still has magic running through her veins. I swear I can feel it."

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[ltleflrt]

Hey Carrie! You talked a little the other day about writers' tendency to start a fic too early in the story, and how you see a lot of first scenes that could have been scrapped to improve the story. My question is if you have some tips to recognize while writing that first scene that you are starting too early in the story?

Hello friend!

That's a really good question, and I'll see if I can give an answer that makes sense. I am not a professional, and I'm not educated or trained in this stuff, it's just something that I recognize from years and years and years of voracious reading. And as with all writing advice, I encourage you to take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt and remember that no writing rule is a hard rule, only a guideline.

Also, my advice is going to be pertaining fanfiction, and specifically to AUs. Obviously a published book has an editor with a razor blade going through a manuscript for you, and the problems that bother me in fanfiction crop up in AUs more than Canonverse.

Oh, and every instance of "you" is general, not specific 😜

So I think the main problem that I see is that people are starting with an Info Dump. An Info Dump is not always a bad thing, sometimes it's completely necessary, but it is NOT where you want to start your story. If it absolutely has to be done, it's better to be somewhere in the middle or near the end. When it's something that your characters need to know.

That's an important bit: Do your characters need to know this?

And related to that: Does your audience need to know this for the story to make sense?

And very important follow up: If the answers to the above questions are yes, does the character/audience need to know this RIGHT NOW?

There's a lot of information about your story that YOU need to know. Heck, my notes files are full of sooooooo much stuff that I know about the characters and plot that never reaches the final product.

So when you're reading your first chapter (I say reading, not writing, because sometimes info dumping for your own benefit is good, and then you fix it before you share the story lol), ask yourself those two questions.

So for example:

In an AU where Dean is a tattoo artist, and it's his POV. The story starts with Dean driving to work, and when he gets there he's going to find out that the empty shop next door has been purchased and is going to be a yoga studio. He meets Castiel out front, up on a ladder trying to hang a hand painted sign, and some teens go running buy and knock into the ladder and Dean has to catch Castiel from falling. (Anyone who wants to adopt this idea is welcome to it btw, I would love to read this lol)

The mistake I often see in a first chapter like this is that as Dean is walking to work, there's a whole Info Dump about why he's a tattoo artist instead of a hunter. He'll be ambling along, thinking about his nice little business, and there's info about how his mom died in a fire, and his dad was a jerk, and Dean didn't go to college because he saved his money for Sammy's college fund, and Dean's only passion was art, and Bobby Singer introduced him to a tattoo shop owner who took Dean under his wing, etc.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: Why is Dean reflecting on his past? Does Castiel need to know this information in order to build a romance with Dean?

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Why does this information matter? If Dean's only reflecting on this because you want to make sure your audience knows where the timeline changed and this became an AU, then you're starting too early in your story. Dean doesn't need to know this, and honestly in a lot of cases the reader doesn't need to know this. This is information that should have been left in your notes file.

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: If this information is pertinent to the plot, like maybe there's some trauma there that Castiel might need to know about to develop their relationship, then you don't want to put it HERE, you want to put it in a conversation with Castiel LATER.

If I was writing this AU, I would just start with Dean sipping his coffee, he's kinda tired because reasons, he looks up to see an unusual commotion, and has to drop his coffee and sprint forward to catch Cas. If he's reflecting on anything in this scene, it's going to be whatever made him tired, or how good/bad the coffee is this morning. Since Cas is a new business owner, they can talk about the origins of Dean's business on their first date, because it'll be a relevant response to Castiel talking about the origins of his yoga studio.

And just in general, if Dean's origin story includes a lot of canon elements, like mom dying in a fire, dad being a deadbeat, Sammy being the adorable overachieving Stanford student.... try to hide that info for as long as you can so that the audience is actually curious about it by the time the info might pop up. It's the wild divergences that are more interesting earlier on.

Okay, and then I want to talk about my giant pet peeve for a starting chapter. It's a specific kind of info dump, that often includes the stuff from above, but then goes a step further.

My nemesis, The Daily Grind.

I haven't asked the authors, so I could be wrong about this, but I feel like most of the time when this type of chapter is included in a story it is because the author wants to show the reader that the character's life is boring and meaningless before the plot's inciting incident. I can absolutely see why that might be considered an important detail about the character, but keep in mind if it's boring and meaningless to the character, it's boring and meaningless to your audience.

You know how I said earlier that writing tips should never be hard and fast rules? Well this is in regards to that Show Don't Tell rule, and it's an example of TOO MUCH showing lol

It is possible to do a daily grind in an interesting way, but only if you include a Shake Up right away. And you have to look at the 3 questions a little bit differently.

So for example:

Castiel POV, and he works in an office. His daily routine is to always get up at the same time every day, he goes for his run, he grooms himself, he has his breakfast, he goes to work and talks to Kelly about how Jack's doing in kindergarten for a few minutes before going into his office. Adler comes in to be a prick, Castiel hates him for it, and then he does his reports, has lunch hiding in a corner of the lunch room so that his co-workers will leave him alone, he does more reporting, leaves an hour after his shift technically ends, goes home to a lonely apartment that maybe includes a pet who is the only being that shows him affection, has an unsatisfying dinner of leftover takeout while watching a mindless reality tv show, then he goes to bed.

Ugh.

BORING.

Which, yeah I get it, the point is that his life is boring. But now the story is too, and I've clicked the back button before I can see how exciting it's capable of getting.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: No. He knows. Poor thing definitely already knows.

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Yes, but...

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: Yes, but new question for ya:

Optional Question 4, why does this need to be separate from your plot's inciting incident? The answer to this 4th question is usually that it doesn't.

Chapter 2 of this type of beginning usually shows the shake up of Castiel's day. My advice is to start with the shakeup, and sprinkle in the details of what you would have put into chapter 1 to show the contrast. It's far more interesting to learn how boring Castiel's day is by starting with the shake up.

So, same scenario:

Castiel's alarm doesn't go off for some reason, OH NO HIS ROUTINE IS SHAKEN UP! You're explaining his routine while also stressing him the fuck out because he has to rush, or skip something that he normally needs to do. Action! Interesting! He gets to work late, and has to miss his conversation with Kelly about Jack because she's telling him that Adler's already in his office being a prick because Castiel isn't there waiting for him like he always is. Oh shit, he's pissing off his asshole boss! Conflict! He's so flustered by the shakeups that he misses something on his report, and he gets a call from that new marketing guy Dean Winchester who asks if they can have a meeting about it when Castiel normally takes his lunch. BAM! MEET CUTE OPPORTUNITY! While Castiel is getting all flustered by how pretty Dean is while they talk about TPS reports, he can reflect on how this is both better and worse than hiding from his co-workers in the corner of the lunch room. The rest of the day after that meeting he's thinking about how weird this day is, he still goes home an hour late, he talks to his pet about his weird day when he gets home, and maybe he still eats leftover takeout, but he's not paying attention to the reality tv show because holy shit he wants to count Dean's freckles.

In this example, you're Telling the audience about Castiel's normal routine instead of Showing them. But since it's during a plot heavy chapter, it works!

Lemme see if I can TL:DR this...

As you're reading, ask yourself who needs to know this information, why do they need to know this information, and why is it important for this information to be included early instead of later?

If the answer to any of those questions boils down to "this is backstory" instead of "this kicks off the plot", then you've started too early.

I hope this helps? I'm always nervous about giving writing advice because so much of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm just feeling around in the dark. And I definitely do not ever want to hurt an author's feelings, because this hobby is so fucking hard, and we're all fragile. Even authors who welcome con-crit with open arms will have a weak point that they're unaware of that might get poked wrong and cause a crack, ya know?

I hope anyone who gets this far who might see their own works reflected in my examples understands that I have a lot of respect for their ability to put their work out into the world, and I want them to keep doing it. We're here to have fun, okay? Okay. I love y'all 💜

[shadowsingerspriestess]

I'm so tired of el/riels shaming us, Gwynriels ans Eluciens, for simply liking these ships. They come up with so much bs like "Gwynriels have no respect for SA survivors" "Eluciens support abuse" "Eluciens and Gwynriels support rape culture"

Gwynriels were called ped*philes because some stupid el/riel created a crack theory that says Gwyn is a child and that side of the fandom believed it and saw fit to shame Gwynriels. Sarah literally laughed at that theory and confirmed that Gwyn is an adult, yet there are still some people who shame Gwynriels and pull out the dog age card.

El/riels are ready to wear the red cape and come into the Gwynriel and Gwyn tag to shame us for "stealing" Emerie's role and give it to Gwyn, which is false. No one ever said that Gwyn will lead the Illyrian females and "reform" Illyra with Azriel and I'm 100 % sure that every Gwyn stan is against that. But like it or not, since Gwyn won the blood rite and is wearing an Illyrian title the Illyrian males will not just leave Gwyn and Nesta alone and go only after Emerie just because she's the only Illyrian. Gwyn and Nesta are connected to the Illyrian plot, not like Emerie but they are. Saying that Gwyn is connected to Illyria is not saying "Gwyn will reform Illyria and lead the Illyrian females". It provokes me so much, because they only every bring up Emerie when they want to shame Gwynriels. NONE of them took part for Emerie's week. Remember the artist who drew the inner circle, Lucien, Elain, Nesta and Gwyn? She explained that the artwork isn't exactly the 'inner circle" and the reason Emerie wasn't there was because she hadn't drawn Emerie at that time. El/riels just came in and shamed the artist. The artist isn't a Gwynriel stan, nor is she in the acotar fandom! What made me so angry is that none of them said "Oh where is Emerie?" but said crap like "Uhm?? Why is Gwyn her and not Emerie", which shows that it was not at all about Emerie.

Then we have el/riel constantly disrespecting SA survivors by saying Gwyn shouldn't have sex, suggesting that a SA survivor is evil and lures man and more crap and then shame us for shipping her with Azriel. As if they care about Gwyn. Where was this protective energy for Rhys, Feyre, Nesta and Lucien? Lucien is a SA survivor and yet they want him to bang Vassa. It was never about Gwyn, they just love to make us feel bad- putting us in a bad light. Again: it is up to Gwyn if she wants to heal and have a sexual relationship with someone. It is up to her if she wants to take her choice back, which was stolen from her. Same thing goes to every SA survivor in a fantasy world and in the real world.

Then they shame Eluciens and claim that we are supporting an "abuser", just because Elain felt uncomfy beside Lucien. Either they really don't know what abusive relationships actually are or they refuse to know. Lucien has been nothing but patient with Elain. Not once had he forced her to anything. He's staying far away from her. Even when the mating bond screamed at him to kill or at least hurt Grayson for hurting Elain, he didn't and rather left him alone, exactly like Cassian left Thomas alone and Rhys left Tamlin alone. Elain has already stated that she does not want a male nor a mating bond. If the cauldron chose Azriel, like it or not, she would have ignored his existence. Elain doesn't know Lucien, why would she hate him? Her problem is the mating bond! She had the chance to say "I don't want him and I can't stand to be anywhere near him" or something similar, but she said "I don't want a mating bond. I don't want a male". Besides, we do not have her PoV. Many people assumed that Azriel has some deep feelings for Elain and then when we finally got his PoV, he showed as that there are no deep feelings for her. So, we cannot just assume that Elain hates Lucien. It is also not Lucien's fault that Elain shows discomfort. He already lets her have all the freedom and time she wants and needs, he gives her the choice to reject the mating bond or accept... he does bring her gifts that is on winter solstice, where he brings gifts for EVERYONE. Elain being uncomfortable is on Elain. Also, how can you accuse us for "supporting" an "abuser" and then the next day say that Lucien (the one you call an abuser) will bang Vassa. Hypocrisy at its finest.

I won't even talk about the "Gwyn is a child and Gwynriels are ped*philes" crap. If they want to pretend like Sarah didn't confirm this theory is not true then that's their problem.

And then claiming that Gwynriels and Eluciens are supporting rape culture for "romantizing" the day Gwyn was raped and the day Elain's life was taking away from her. I have no words for this. I really want to know which Gwynriel or Elucien ever romantizes their trauma... I have yet to see one doing that. But if they have seen one doing that, why are they going at the entire Gwynriel and Elucien fandom?! We are not related or something and we cannot control what others say! Why shame everyone and make everyone feel bad for shipping Gwynriel and Elucien? But I swear- if this was just a lie told by an El/riel to make us look bad I'm going mad.

Don't even get me started on them playing the goddamn victim and cry whenever an Elucien stan gets mad, when they bullied off so many Elucien stans from literally every plattform before acosf. Creators left the fandom because they couldn't stand the bullying. They came back after acosf.

And the fact that I haven't seen at least one of them calling the el/riels from Twitter out. They are really THE WORST. I have seen Gwynriels calling them out and then el/riels in the comments defend themselves by saying "it's not only El/riels and Gwynriels have said worse things 🙄"

I'm so tired, so tired. Just let me enjoy my ship in peace.

This was long, but every single thing was on point. One of my favourite things you wrote was:

Elain has already stated that she does not want a male nor a mating bond. If the cauldron chose Azriel, like it or not, she would have ignored his existence.

They ignore this aspect and claim Azriel is her true mate. How can they not see that, if the Cauldron paired El/riel as mates, she would've had the same reaction? That the problem is not the person she is mated with, but the freaking bond itself? At this point, it's obvious those toxic El/riels only care about their ship. They don't even care about Elain or Azriel as individuals. They just love the aesthetics they got from the max. 10 pages they've read in 4 books worth of build-up. All they can do is shame other characters and people. They don't have enough or strong enough arguments to support their ship, so they go for bullying. Shipping is something that should be fun and a great experience. It used to be, for me, in other fandoms. But in here, I constantly have to defend the ship I support, the character I freaking adore, and even myself. I don't have to justify why I love Gwynriel. I don't have to sit and read vile things said about something I love just because some people who lack a certain level of maturity and common sense can't support their ship with solid arguments. If their ship was as strong as they claim, they wouldn't have those aggressive reactions and would've ignored people who ship Gwynriel and Elucien.

I ship whoever I want to, because of how they make me feel. I am staying respectful towards the characters and other people. Why can't those toxic El/riels do the same? Oh, I already answered. :)

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Crawl Home to Her

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem BAU Reader 

Warnings: Religion is mentioned, slight mention of supposed homophobia, drug use, death and thoughts of dying, kidnapping (it’s Spencer’s POV of Revelations)

Author’s Note: I was listening to Work Song by Hozier and felt like it fits PERFECTLY for what Spencer was going through when he was kidnapped by Tobias. I took some creative liberties, but much of the plot lines up to the show’s episode. I linked the song if anyone wants to listen to it before they read or after, it’s such a beautiful song. Hozier is in my top three artists; his voice is just so beautiful and soulful. 

Summary: The only thing that’s keeping Spencer alive is the memories of his Heaven. Maybe someone how a faithless man will escape Death’s grasp on faith alone. 

Word Count: around 3.2K

Category: Angst 

Crawl Home to Her

When Spencer comes to the first thing he notices is the smell of burning. The stench permeates the air around him, filling his nostrils. The second thing he notices is breathing. Breathing that is not his own. A man stands before him and it takes him a second to piece it all together. The throbbing in his head takes much of his energy. He can feel the blood drip down the back of his neck and cake onto the collar of his work shirt. Strangely, all he could think about is the time his father told him a respectable man never wore a spoiler shirt. Well dad, look at me now, Spencer thinks grimly. He hates that his father occupies his mind even when he’s about to die. He has much more beautiful things to think about than the man who called him a failure.

“They’re gone,” the shadowy figure tells him. Tobias, Spencer thinks. Tobias is the unsub. 

“Who are they?,” Spencer asks, his voice must sound as cowardly as he feels. He hopes that Tobias didn’t get Y/N. He can’t live with himself if he let his partner, in more ways than one, get hurt. 

“It’s just me know,” Tobias answers, in such a way that it’s almost obvious. 

“Who...Who are you?” Spencer croaks. The lightbulb hanging above his head taunts him. He has the lightbulb, but where’s the ideas? Where are the answers? Where is the light of safety? 

“I’m Raphael,” Tobias says, standing to his full height, towering over a trembling Spencer. 

Raphael... The angel...Spencer’s mind turns but is halted by the horrible smell coming from his side. It invades his mind and nothing seems to make sense. 

“What’s that smell?” he asks.

“They’re burning fish hearts and livers. Keeps away the devil,” Tobias or Raphael answers, Spencer is not too sure who he’s even talking to at this point.

“They say you can see inside men’s minds,” 

“That’s not true, I-I study human behavior-” Spencer reasons, but is cut off by Tobias/Raphael’s passive shushing. 

“I’m not interested in the arguments of men,” Raphael tells him. He turns around to rummage in his pocket for something that Spencer can’t make out in the dim light of the shed. Between the lightbulb blinding him and the stench of the liver burning, Spencer’s senses are overloading themselves. Focus, Spencer, focus, he begs of himself. 

Don’t let him win. Don’t let him win. 

Tobias pulls out a revolver and a bullet. He toys the bullet in Spencer’s face, asking him “Do you know what this is?” 

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t breathe. 

“It’s God’s will,” Tobias says rationally. 

The cocks the gun and aims it towards Spencer’s head. If he pulls the trigger he’d shoot him straight in his head. Staring down death, all Spencer can think about is him suggesting that they split up. He was the one who left Y/N, he’s the one that’s responsible.

“You don’t have to do this,” Spencer tries to reason. 

“I’m just an instrument of God. This is your salvation, this is time to repent for your sins,” Tobias says, pulling a chair to sit next time. It’s strange, Spencer thinks, Tobias is not that much older than he is. This job has forced Spencer to think of the countless paths that he could have gone down. Part of him thinks that could have easily been on the other side, the angry part of him, the broken and sad part of him. 

“Tell me your sins, and may God forgive you,” Tobias says, his voice almost as fearful as Spencer feels. 

Spencer closes his eyes, trying to think of all the things he’s done wrong in his life. All the people he’s hurt or the mistakes that he’s made. But at this moment there’s nothing running through his mind by the thought of Y/N. The way she’d hold him after a case or the way that she’d listen to him with light in her eye’s. It’s nice to have someone who cares, Spencer thinks. Or at least it was. 

“I’m a good man, Tobias, I’m a good man. Like you, we catch the bad guys, Tobias--we are the same. We catch the sinners.” Spencer professes, trying anything to get out of here alive. He’d do anything to get back to Y/N. To get back in her warm embrace. 

“We all have our sins, including you. You just need sometime to sort them out,” Tobias says, and like that he’s gone with the wind. 

***

It’s early morning when Spencer wakes up, the sun bleeds through the cracks of the wood panel door. His clothes are caked in his blood and dirt. His hair is stringy and the blood from his ear clogs his hearing. But he’s alive, he's still here, breathing the same air as Y/N. Somehow that’s enough to keep him hoping that she’d find him- save him. 

The door opens with a sudden slam, Tobias walks in carrying a load of logs. There’s something different about him. Spencer thinks that there’s an air of arrogance, an air of superiority in his walk. 

“What are you staring at, boy?” Tobias- or at least the man who looks like Tobias Hankel asks. 

“You’re not Raphael?” Spencer reasons. 

Tobias throws the pile of logs into the box on the floor of the shed. He stands up to his full height, but there’s something that’s taller about him than last night. There’s something more intimating about the man standing before Spencer. 

“Do I look like Raphael to you?” Tobias asks, the sneer so apparent. 

Spencer decides to ignore that, answering this person, whoever he is, is not in his best interest. 

“Thank you for burning these, for keeping us safe,” Spencer says, trying to get on his good side for his sake, so he can go back to Y/N. 

Y/N. If Spencer can just close off his mind and focus on her, he’d be okay. He’d get through this. If he can just close his eyes he can just feel her touch or taste her lips against his. If her kisses make him a sinner then crucify him. Least he’d die a happy man, with the promise of tomorrow with her endless love. 

“Don’t try to trick me, you’re are filthy liar, you’re a disgusting sinner,” 

God, Spencer thinks, waits until he hears that he’s from Vegas and fell in love with a man. Spencer focuses on breathing, not the itch from being dirty with his own blood or not the thought of impending death. 

“It will be over if you confess, boy. Confess your sins!” Tobias yells. 

“I’m not a sinner,” Spencer says, almost defiantly. There’s a surge of strength in Spencer, and he swears that the small memories of Y/N makes him a stronger person. 

“We are all sinners” 

“The Lord spoke unto Moses saying, ‘speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord’  and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the lord your god, am holy,” Spencer quotes, the fear somehow seeping back into his voice. 

“You know Leviticus,” Tobias says, almost surprised. Yes, Spencer thinks, even heathens can quote the Bible. 

“I know every word of the Bible, I can quote it for you?” Spencer pleads. 

“Even the Devil can read,” Tobias tells him. 

Spencer’s wound bleeds down his neck, the throbbing almost pounds to the beat of his heart.

“It’s time to confess, Spencer Reid,” Tobias whispers, leaning into Spencer. 

“I’m a good man, Tobias. I finally found someone who puts back the pieces. I found someone who loves me, and I can’t leave her like this. I can’t do that to her.” Spencer confesses. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs,” Tobias quotes, and as he does his face seems to drift off. It’s like he's there with Spencer, but not there at the same time.

“First Corinthians, Verse 13,” Spencer recites. 

“Hmm, so your parents did raise a believer,” Tobias reckons. 

More or less, Spencer thinks. He might not believe in God the Almighty, some entity in the clouds watching over him, but he does believe in love and maybe even an afterlife. He has to believe in an afterlife, because if he doesn’t he’d fail to give Y/N forever. 

“Yes,” Spencer says, settling on playing the part of a righteous believer. 

“Yes, my parents read me the Bible. They are good people too,” Spencer tells him. 

Spencer’s not really sure what happens next, but the blow to his head makes the world go black and the sweet memories of Y/N fade into the distance. 

*** 

A cool rag presses against Spencer’s head, where he figures where “Tobias” hit him, or whoever was there with him. 

Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID. DSM-5. 300.14 (F44.81). Tobias has three personalities, Spencer thinks. He remembers the day vidily. Reading about DID with Ethan, they sat on the lawn of the park near school. His memories are distrubed by a very confused looking Tobias, who hold bandages and a wet rag. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asks, hoping that whoever was there last night is gone. 

“Tobias,” he says, almost meekly. Spencer recognizes something in that, somewhere deep inside him, he recognizes the fear that Tobias wears like a shield. The man here last night must have been his father... 

“Who was here last night?” 

“My father, Charles,” Tobias says. “I’m sorry if he hurt you.” 

Tobias turns to reach in his bag, he brings out a vial of clear liquid, a needle and a long piece of cloth. He ties the long piece of cloth around Spencer’s arm, who with a sudden realization fights to get away from Tobias. 

“NO! Please, NO!” Spencer yells, trying his hardest to fend off the inevitable. 

“It helps, Spencer. I’m trying to save you from him! It’s gonna help, it helped me,” Tobias tells him, continuing to tie the fabric in a tight knot above Spencer’s elbow. 

“Please! I don't want it!” Spencer pleads as the room folds in one him, the darkness is not welcoming, it's suffocating. It’s sucking the life out of him and he can’t escape it’s clutches. 

***

There’s another person in this shed, Spencer thinks. He tries to strain his eyes to make out who it is. It’s not Tobias, the shadow is too short for him. 

Y/N. 

She’s wearing a dress, the blue dress that she wore on their first date. He loves that dress on her. He’s sure he’d love any dress or anything she’d put on to wear for their first date, because well, it’s their first date. 

“Spencer,” her voice is even more comforting than usual. It’s syrupy sweet and he feels like he’d get a toothache just from listening. 

“Sweet Spencer, you need to come home to me, okay? Come home to me baby.” 

He tries to call out to her, but it’s futile. She's a ghost, but she looked so real. Maybe he’s the ghost and his eternal damnation is to haunt her. He’s able to see her, but never able to get close enough to feel the way her hands caress his checks or the way her eyes light up at his touches. 

The spooky beauty of his girlfriend is whisked away with the familiar shoots of two tall, skinny figures. His parents. His father sits there on the table with a sneer on his face. His mother has this faraway look on her face. Spencer’s twelve again, listening to his father yell and slam the bedroom door as he rushes out the door, never looking back. 

The shadowy figures are gone as soon as they came and are nothing but a reminder to Spencer that he’s not worthy of love. He feels guilty. He really does, but the needle going into his vein brings back Y/N and for now he wants nothing more, but to see her, even if it’s not real. 

***

Spencer’s not sure if he craves the clear liquid in the vial because he gets to see Y/N or if he craves to see Y/N because gets to the liquid coursing through his veins, the slightest reminder that he’s alive. 

He’s alone in the shed, but there’s a bright green light blinking. A computer, he wonders. Is this the way from the Ninth Circle of Hell? Is this his way home, his way to Y/N? 

His thoughts of home and of their warm bed are interrupted by who he can only assume is Raphael, enough time has passed for him to be rising to the surface. Part of him misses Tobias, they’d probably would have been friends growing up. Two outcasts raised by a parent who meant well, but did do irreparable harm in the end. 

“It’s time to choose,” Raphael announces. He points to the computer screen, which lights up. Spencer can only assume that his face is being streamed across the internet. Garcia, and probably the entire team are watching this, watching him at his lowest moment. He swore that he’d never show Y/N himself like this, even though he knows that she’ll love him still. 

“Choose a member of your team to die. You are all sinners in the end, but it’s time for you to choose who dies.” Raphael tells him, his voice booming, a stark difference from the nervous murmurs of Tobias. 

“No,” Spencer shouts. “Kill me, kill me instead!” 

“Choose or they all die!” Raphael yells. 

Think, Spencer. Think. He looks around at the shed, trying to think of an out. His eyes latch on to the shovel sitting in the corner of the room. That’s new, he realizes. A cemetery, a grave... 

“I choose Y/N,” Spencer says, not truly believing what he’s saying, but praying that she gets the message. 

“Why?” Raphael asks. 

“She’s prideful and careless,” Spencer reasons, trying his hardest to appear nonchalant. 

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall,” Raphael quotes. 

“Yes, John 14:27,” Spencer says. And with that his fate and Y/N is sealed. It’s funny in a twisted way, he always knows that his fate would be forever linked to hers, but not just in this way. 

“Come on, boy. Get up,” Raphael orders him. 

Spencer makes it to his feet and the pair make their way into the night. 

***

Spencer’s not sure how far he’s walked, but his feet are numb and he can’t feel anything in his arm. The inside of his arm is littered with marks, a constant reminder of the cravings he’s feeling. No, he tells himself. What he craves is Y/N. He makes his way up the rocky terrain of the cemetery, hoping that she’s on her way to rescue him, hoping that she’s there to wash away the dirt and kiss his scars. 

Raphael is at his side, pulling him along. It's a strange similarity to Dante and Virgil and their journey to the depths of Hell. Maybe in this scenario Spencer isn’t Dante, maybe he’s Beatrice waiting for his Dante to rescue him. 

“Please, I need rest. I’m exhausted,” Spencer tries to argue, but it’s no use. Raphael’s grip on his arm only tightens. 

“Keep moving,” 

They arrive at the cemetery. Spencer is not ready to die. He’s not ready to die and leave Y/N. He wishes he really did believe in God because maybe, maybe he wouldn’t be as scared as he is right now. 

“Dig,” Raphael tells him, tossing the shovel on the ground at Spencer’s feet. 

As if he’s shaking Death’s hand, Spencer reaches down for the shovel and starts to dig. Each deposit in the mountain of dirt is a cry for help. Each time he cracks his neck in pain or rubs his hands in exhaustion is a goodbye kiss for Y/N. 

Spencer stands to his full height. He’s nearly as tall as Tobias, somehow he still feels like a child. 

He suspects that Tobias feels the same way. Maybe one day Spencer will come to regret his choice. Maybe one day Spencer will be grateful that he reached into the very depths of his strength to fight to the very end. 

“Tell Tobias I’m sorry,” Spencer says, the tears flooding his eyes. 

Spencer bangs the back of the shovel against Tobias’s head. His limp body falls to the ground and suddenly he’s terrified that Tobias is somehow still alive. Spencer scrambles for the gun and pulls the trigger. He’s not even sure how many shots he fires but the body is punctured with bloody holes. Spencer, clutches are Tobias’s lifeless body. As if he can squeeze him back to life. 

He thinks he’s imagining it. He thinks that he’s on the brink of death. There’s a light, a soft yellow light beckoning him home. A voice calls out to him, clear and strong, it’s drawing him in and Spencer is crawling from his own grave to the voice that he could recognize anywhere. He’s teetering between Heaven and Hell. Y/N’s voice and light tether him home. 

“Spencer!” she calls. Finally, he thinks. Finally, she’s close; he lets himself believe he’s safe. 

“I’m here!” he shouts, surprised at the force of his voice. 

“Oh Spencer,” she says, running to him. 

She falls to the ground next to him. Spencer is scared that she’s not real, that it’s the drugs in his system again making him believe that she’s nothing but a cruel figment of his mind. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I knew you’d find me. Please forgive me, I didn’t mean it,” Spencer cries, his face tucked into the crook of her neck. 

“Shhh, baby. I’d find you anywhere. Hmm, let’s get you out of here. You are safe now Spencer,” she tells him softly. 

Spencer may not be a man who believes in God but he has to believe in Heaven, because Heaven is holding him in her arms. 

Author’s Note: Thank you for reading! 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review ch (90)- First pages ONLY.

I skimmed thro ch-89 to know the context of ch-90. it was Cinderella’s play. In this chapter, Kyo says early on, that time has passed since the play & that they are NOW starting their third year in high school. cool.

This part will ONLY focus on the 1st few pages of ch 90 abt (kyo & tohru) & stop before kyo’s memories starts, because the early pages contain:

Tons of new unexplored analysis of (kyo & tohru) characters that unfortunately was intentionally cut & worse! “changed” in the anime.

No space to add kyoko’s story in this post.

Kyoko’s story is full psychologically & socially.. I need to take a deeeeeeep breath before I unpack it. very deeeeep breath!

-Glimpses of Tohru (the silent grieving girl) Subtle Writing of Grief:

Right from the beginning, I hate how much insight into tohru’s grief & weakness as a human being is already there in the first few pages of ch-90 than the entire 3 seasons of the anime! From few pages we have:

Tohru’s seemingly delighted watching a video. Subtly, showcasing tohru’s grieve & paving the path for tohru’s trauma exploration later in the story. Grief is not sth you quickly past, that’s the most tragic misunderstanding of grief. Time will pass, so, you’ll be better & healthier. Really?!. Tohru’s inner desire to see her mom alive manifested in her words: “ like a photo comes to life” T_T.

The story/writing/manga is acknowledging tohru’s heartbreaking & NOT cute habit of talking to her mom’s cold dead photo! In the anime, tohru talks to her a lot in se01 & it’s up to you to see as as “ cute” as all the canon characters do or actually feeling it IS wrong. Kyo’s  “ what would she do if there were a video of her mom”! “ drives the point more abt tohru being a sad grieving human~not the “advice-giving, optimistic angel, & rain-stopping sunshine in the anime.

Tohru telling kyo to NOT catch cold connecting it to se01, ep 9 (haru’s ep) when tohru was afraid that yuki might catch cold & kyo noticed that! so now in se03, they’re dropping this plot altogether within the main anime, for what? we dont even know if this part would be included in whatever “ kyoko’s” spinoff content would be. -_-’.

That’s how you write subtle trauma such as (grief) for a main (female) MC. subtlety is the key. Respect the viewers intelligence & do it.

You don’t have to give her the long speeches or the many focused ep that yuki had. he’s the kind who confront himself inwardly constantly.

You don’t have to showcase drama, confrontation & force the emotions out like you did with kyo. he runs from his trauma & punishes himself.

Tohru buries her feelings! she’s different from both kyo & yuki. So, with her subtle & symbolic scenes are enough!!!The viewers will catch it if you show it, but ignoring it, cutting it & hoping the viewers will magically predict what you cut, is weird. But the anime isn’t even into us predicting nor subtly showing her cuz this tohru is NOT the tohru we have in the anime. How?

Simply cuz there is no kyo’s inner thoughts abt small things such as tohru’s photo obsession which subtly shows her grief & trauma. If kyo didn’t monologue abt her, tohru does not exist as she’s meant to be. You loose the subtle insights into tohru if you cut kyo’s inner thoughts. Not everything kyo thinks abt in regards to tohru is romance!!! That’s a very narrow & superficial look into the writing of kyo/’tohru dynamics. Flip the pages, hmm..cut this kyoru scene here & there cuz we dont want the anime to be only their love story.. But the story itself IS NOT only their love story at all. These pages/scenes here are abt tohru as a PERSON. Not tohru the lover...

- Writing Clashes between manga & anime: (Kyo’s Conscious Gradual Psychological Exploration vs Shock Value & Drama)

In ch 90 i really love all the inner self talking that kyo’s doing. It really explains why he ended up rejecting tohru so strongly. Also, going for a trip into kyo’s mind is hella exciting, new, refreshing & full of analysis-worthy exploration! Kyo’s inner psychological argument with himself is a psychologically-informed presentation of a tried guilty mind:

“ Why can’t I stop thinking of (kyoko’s words) lately? Acknowledging that he IS remembering kyoko & never forgot her. This is also supported in the anime itself. When he apologized to a sleeping tohru in se01, ep14 & se02, ep9 , confronting yuki in the stairs & other instances as well. 

“ It’s like a lid been opened & all the memories came pouring”. Acknowledging that kyo DID open his lid since se02, ep9 byt chose to run & not confront it due to his guilt of ruining tohru’s happiness by confessing his connection to her mom. 

“ pretending I didn’t know, pretending I forgot”. Here is a blatant clash in kyo’s writing (1) between the anime & manga (2) between the anime’s episodes themselves!!. In the manga, again kyo chose to ignore & pretended to forget. Death is NOT sth you forgot. Kyo saw kyoko bleeding & dying.  The anime chose to make him totally forget & it could’ve worked if they didn’t included all the canon moments of him actually remembering & pretending to forget. Is that lazy writing? or was the director for se03 different from se 1 &2 &? chose to NOT watch the two previous seasons? Why would you consciously include a contradicting depiction of your character on screen for thousands of confused viewers? Was the scene of kyo’s shocked gave upon seeing kyoko’s photo that artistically appealing that you forgot everything? I really have NO problem of kyo forgetting kyoko if that was written in the anime since se01, but it wasn't. that's why it sucks. 

“Is this payback? maybe I want to blame ME?” augh! i love this line so much! Directly hinting to the viewers that this is kyo’s one-sided guilt before his story with kyoko even started! subtly paving the path for the reason of his rejection of tohru” I dont want forgiveness. I want to blame ME.

-I don’t mind that the anime left kyo’s thoughts of kyoko until the climax in eo8, cuz ep 8 was SO well-done! Se03, ep 8 pacing was very suitable to (1) uncovering dark secrets & death, trauma, & guilt. (2)  for exploring the effects such secrets on kyo’s character, decisions, mentality. Also, the animation of kyo’s face all ep 8 was one of the most expressive facial expressions the anime has ever delivered! The eyebrows, eyes, mouth, tears, body languages, heartache was all 100% perfect. The fact that the following eps didnt have much time to express everything & chapters were cramped is not ep 8′s fault but the decision to have 13 eps. Kyo’s delayed trauma deserved to have its own ep.

-What I DO mind is the added scene of ep 6 where he freaked out upon seeing kyoko’s picture, the concept of shock is perfect & so suitable for an anime but was NEVER properly written into the anime itself from the beginning. On the contrary, the anime itself contradict such usage of such value. Good job ruining an otherwise perfect-depiction of two traumatized characters (kyo & tohru) with ONE scene.. -_-

Side Notes:

I thought tohru is narrating the 1st page in ch-90, turned it out it is kyo!!!! Kyo narrates sth? Kyo monologues? kyo has a POV? Just the setting of kyo doing that feels different! I duno if it cuz when that happens in the anime it’s always clash & drama! lol, or cuz it’s sth original!

Shigure’s “ it’s broadcasted all over the nation” is epic! XD! you know poor stupid kyo would fall for that! XD. kyo, you really are an idiot! XD... man this scene would’ve been epic comedy~ lol.

Tohru not knowing what a “dvd” is is outdated for the anime, but to still keep the sentiment of “her wishing she’d have a video footage of her mom”, they could’ve replaced her words with “ It’d be fun watching this play years from now & remembering all the details”. I know that to some, it feels weird that tohru doesn't have video footage of her mom in this era. but trust me, this is more common than you might think. My late brother, who’s way younger than me, doesn't have much video footage, he always felt awkward & preferred not to be filmed. We got photos for him tho~

Even if you want kyo’s knowledge of kyoko to be in the climax only. You can always include this scene of tohru & kyo in the first pages in the anime somehow. It doesn't even need to be abt the dvd even tho that’s manageable. Cutting this short scene of them talking abt videos, & catching cold is cutting tohru’s trauma from its core. Then, the old grandpa’s narration from se03, ep6 would at least have some backup in the anime’s canon.

Momiji & shigure are perfect as a comedic duo!

I can’t get over tohru’s art~ <3

Pinning kyo at the beginning is epic~ kyo always gets the BEST romantic lines when he talks to himself. “ burning (tohru’s ) memories into my head or forgetting everything”. The torturing fire inside him is only distinguished by loving her but is also ignited by loving her~ what’s the solution~

[lunar-girl-fic]

Perfect Girl~ Wonho Oneshot

Warning: Suggestive, mention of dying?

Y/N POV

Word Count: 1591

Wonho x female reader

Disclaimer: The picture used is NOT MINE. I found it on instagram from the artist @bre.lexis. You guys should totally check out her art. It’s my favorite ambw art :).

A/N: I based this one shot based off a dream I had the other day. It felt so freaking real like I even felt the kiss and for some reason that only happens when I dream about him and I. Some scenes were added but this pretty much how my dream went. I wasn’t able to find a photo that matched how I imagined Wonho and a brown girl. In the dream he was literally the same size as he is now and he was wearing that orange shirt from is live the other day... Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

It was a rainy Friday night. You had just left your coworkers at the restaurant you guys went to to celebrate the assistant principals birthday. You called an Uber to get home. Normally you would walk but you weren't in the mood to be catching a cold. The ride home wasn't too long since you obviously lived close by.

When you arrived you thanked the driver and exited the vehicle quickly. However, no matter how fast you ran to the building you still ended up getting soaked. As if it couldn’t get any worse, the elevator in your complex wasn't working so you had to prolong your torture by taking the stairs. 

You finally reached your apartment and immediately took your shoes off and headed for your bathroom. You put your clothes on a drying rack over your toilet. You turned the water on to the hottest setting and got in. The warmth of the water was welcomed and washed away most of the stress you've been feeling with work. But stress from the absence of your boyfriend of 4 years didn't go away. It wasn't as if he was in some far away place where you couldn't see or contact him. No, the problem was he was so busy with his comeback that he did not have much time to call you much less visit you due to conflicting scheduling.

At first, you didn't have much of a problem with it since you knew how important his career was to him. But it has been two months and the separation was starting to get to you. Even though you knew you shouldn't complain being lucky enough to even have a man as sweet as him, you were only a human in need of the touch of her boyfriend.

After you got out the shower you put on some mango butter to attempt to smell good while moisturizing and let your curls fall freely. You grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and put on the smallest sized hoodie Wonho owned. Being thankful he left this one behind since his others would've had you swimming in it.

You left your room and went to the kitchen to make a cup of calming jasmine tea (can you tell I've been watching atla alot hehehe). As the tea was boiling you gathered your students papers from your work bag and placed them on your coffee table. You turned the TV on and scrolled through the options. Finally settling on the 90s batman animated series as background noise.

You went back into the kitchen and poured the tea in your favorite mug. On the way to the living room you grabbed your phone just in case he called you. He may not have called you in the past week but who knows maybe today would be your lucky day.

Time went by smoothly. Surprisingly grading he papers wasn't too difficult since your students actually followed directions. Since it was easy to grade you decided to raise the volume of the TV and pay more attention to the plot of the episode. You were just about to finish grading the last paper when your phone started to ring. Had it not been on vibrate mode you would have never known it was ringing. When you looked at the caller ID your heart went pitter patter. It was Wonho. You obviously picked up the phone immediately with a joyful tone.

"Hey babe! How have you been? How's comeback? How does your shoulder feel? Are you eating properly"

"Well hello to you too baby, and to answer your questions good, good, good and of course!"

"Well that's good. It's been awhile and I was beginning to worry you forgot I existed."

"How can I forget about the shining light of my life."

"I mean with all those beautiful girls around you everyday it's not hard to think you might forget about an average girl like me."

"You're right."

"Wha- WONHO!"

You heard him laughing and knew that he did that just to get a reaction out of you.

"You know I would never. You're the only girl I have my eyes on."

"Hmph could've fooled me. Don't worry I already got my eyes set on another man." You said jokingly.

"Ya! I was joking."

"I know you dork."

There was a comfortable silence after you guys finished laughing.

"When do you think we'll be able to hang out?"

"Soon, I'm hoping. Everything is just so crazy that I barely have time to focus on taking care of myself. I'm honestly so sorry for not being able to call you. You must think I don't love you anymore."

"Wonho, I know I signed up for this when I first started dating you. You don't have to feel guilty for something you can't really control." You said trying to lighten the mood.

" I know it's just that I- I... I just want you to know that. (In Korean) I am the luckiest man in the world. I know you probably think I take you for granted but the truth is I could never love another girl like I love you. You said that you think I can forget about you easily an quite possibly leave you for another girl? When in reality everyday I worry you might just give up waiting for me an find another guy to replace me. You're my driving force in life. I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much baby girl that I can't even find the right words to describe how much."

"...You know I hate you. I'm pretty sure you probably said the most beautiful words I will ever hear but I guess I will never know considering you just said it ALL IN KOREAN. Babe you know I'm not hat fluent. Now can you please tell me what you said again." You whined.

He chuckled, "I said, I am the luckiest man in the world. I know you probably think- ah forget it. You're making it so hard to surprise you."

"What? How? And what surprise are you talking about?"

"Turn around."

You quickly turned around almost giving yourself whiplash and that's when you saw your man standing there with a smile on his face and his arms opened wide.

"IT'S YOU!! YOU'RE HERE!!!" You said as you ran to him and jumped on him instantly grabbing his head to pull him in for a kiss. You almost cried tears of joys feeling his lips on yours after not being able to even touch in in 2 months.

You pulled away having the need to catch your breath. But you were still cupping his face with your hands, staring lovingly into his eyes. Eventually you went back in for another kiss but jumped at the sound of an explosion that happened in the show you were watching almost falling out of his grip. Wonho laughed at you while he gently placed you down so he wouldn't accidentally drop you.

"Heeeyyyy, why are you laughing? I could've died." You said while pouting.

"Sorry jagiya, you're just so cute I couldn't help it."

"Hmph. Nice to know you think me almost dying is cute."

"Dying? I'm pretty sure falling from that height wouldn't have killed you." He said amused.

"You don't know that. What if when I fell, I could have broken a bone and punctured an important organ and potentially bleed out."

"That sounds highly unlikely."

"Since when dud you become a medical doctor."

"Since the moment I started dating you. With the amount of times I've had to take care of you because of how clumsy you are, I'm pretty sure I can get a medical degree easily."

"YA! I'M NOT THAT CLUMSY."

"If you say sooo."

You and Wonho couldn't help but laugh at the silliness of your conversation. However while you were still laughing, Wonho stopped to stare at you. The love he felt for you overwhelmed him in this moment. He wasn't sure if it it was because he hasn't seen you in awhile or if it was something else but all knew was he just realized how perfect you are. You noticed the look and asked what was wrong.

"Why are you so perfect?"

"I mean perfect isn't the word I would use to describe myself..."

"I mean it baby, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Hmmm believe it or not all you did was be yourself. I tired of guys who were fake and trying to be something they thought I wanted. You are the only guy I met who was himself and that's all I can ask for. Plus your really good looking."

"I do look good, don’t I?"

"You're supposed to say thank you, you ungrateful little-"

"Just kidding." He said as he put his hands up defensively.

"I'm still waiting."

Instead of answering you, he grabbed your face and pulled you in for a passionate kiss, burying his fingers in your curls.

.After 2 minutes you both pulled apart to catch your breath.

"How was that for a thank you?"

"Hmmm I think you have to do that again to make it a proper thanks."

"I can think of a better way that involves a bed and less clothes." He said as he picked you up and carried a flustered you to your bedroom. And lets just say that by the end of the night you he was able to show you just how thankful he is.

[onlythebrave-mp3]

my top 2020 fics!

okay! so i recently jumped back into this fandom after a couple of years, and started reading fic again, and i wanted to rec some of my favorites that were written this year. there’s ten on this list, and i probably could’ve done like 30 but this is already so long lol. it’s kind of in a general order, so #1 is my fav for this year, but i tried not to focus on the ranking too much because it stresses me out and i don’t need any more anxiety so it’s ended up being a pretty vague system.

1.  Our Lives, Non-Fiction (113k) by @indiaalphawhiskey 

listen. I’ve reblogged this fic like 10 times. I’ve read it twice already and it came out less than 3 weeks ago. It is an instant classic, right up there with fics like TIF or Wear it like a Crown. It has gorgeous, gorgeous writing, a thoroughly developed plot and well written character development, and such a compelling story. It is a marcel/louis fic, and I usually shy away from that kind of thing, but i’m so glad i didn’t this time because god, this one is so good. Seriously, if anyone ends up reading it, come and rant to me about it and we can cry together. Halfway through the second chapter, I created a note on my phone so I could keep track of everything I loved, and my comment on that fic is essentially a love letter to @indiaalphawhiskey. It's just so good. If you’re going to read one fic off this list, read this one. 

2. Loving You's a Bloodsport (106k) by @rosesau

okay i’m pretty sure this one made me cry like four times, which is a feat for me because i’m not usually a crier. Its soulmates with a little bit of a twist, and the plot is so well developed. Harry and louis’ feelings and their progression are written so vividly and i wish i could forget that i read it so i could go and read it again for the first time. It's also got some enemies to lovers, which is my favorite trope, and all of the side characters are beautifully developed as well. Prince!Harry, soldier!Louis, angsty soulmates. What more could you want? Oh and if you’re not convinced enough, here is a quote that fucking follows me around because its so beautiful: “Love and hate are two sharp knives balanced on a very fine line and I’ve cut myself on both because of you.” (ohmygod)

3. Mine Would Be You (114k) by @crinkle-eyed-boo

okay this one is listed at number three but it really should be 1c lol. I started this one at 11 pm like an idiot, and i don’t think i slept that night at all. It's Exes to lovers, and it's so well written. It switches between the past and the present, it's  heartbreakingly beautiful, the breakup and resolution are both so realistically written as well, and there's a great ot5 plotline too that i really loved. This one was also an instant classic- i bookmarked it before i even finished reading it. It's also got beautiful art and Louis and Harry are both artists in NYC, which I'm a slut for. Please read this one, it's so good.

okay i just realized how long this got so i’m putting the rest under the cut

4. The Murmur of Yearning (93k) by @mediawhorefics (for some reason tumblr isn’t letting me tag them??) | mediawhore on ao3 

I just finished this one, and my goddddddd it's so good. I read it in a day, and it's essentially 100k. Which isn’t that unusual for me except I did skip a class to get through it (an exam prep class. Not my finest moment but I passed. so.) There are tons of original characters that draw you in, and the whole world that is created is so fascinating and detailed. There's also no homophobia, so if you like historical fics but get triggered by that kind of thing, this is for you! Also, if you’re worried about the non-con elements, I'm sure you could message the author but also feel free to check in with me! I’ll definitely be rereading it in the near future and am totally up for discussing and crying over this fic with anyone.

5. Remember Me Fondly by @bluejeanlouis | kiddle on ao3 

ahhhhhhh this one made me sob too! It's set in both the present and the past, and I fell in love with all of the characters. This one is also heartbreaking, but I promise there’s a happy ending. Also, they way this fic deals with the fame and the homophobia and tours that harry and louis went through -even if it isn’t actually canon and is set in the 90s- is so vividly painful and realistic. It's written half through a journalist’s eyes and half through harry and louis, yet the switch in pov is so seamless and fluid and adds so much to the piece. 11/10.

6. Nothing But You On My Mind (83k) by @absoloutenonsense | nonsensedarling on ao3

okay. I started this in the middle of the night, and told myself I'd read one chapter to see if I liked it and then I would go to sleep. I'm pretty sure I read like 6. It sucks you in right from the beginning, and there's such a well developed plot. And it's so unpredictable and all of the details are so nuanced and tiny and then you look back at everything after you’ve finished it and go oh. Ohhhhhh. This one is also enemies to lovers. Are we sensing a pattern here?

7. An Invincible Summer (44k) by @twopoppies | Brooklyn_Babylon on ao3 

so as you can see this one is only 45k but i just love it so much that i’m rec’ing in anyways. It’s such a gentle, exploratory piece of literal art, and I kind of want to stay in the world that was created forever. Its set in the 1940s on a farm and i know @twopoppies has said that it started off as an excuse for barn sex, but it such a vivid story and its heartbreaking and emotional and uplifting all at once and please please please go read this. The only critique I have of it is that it's only 40k.

8. Somewhere in Between Lightning (99k) by @nauticalleeds, @shiningdistraction, and jassy117 on ao3

So this one's exes-to-lovers as well, and it's written in such a realistic way. Also i’m in love with the concept of louis on love island, despite the fact that he said he hates it. There's a sauna scene that I still think about sometimes. It's got just the right amount of angst and fluff and pining and despite the fact that it's set on a show that is usually pretty dramatic and unrealistic, this is written in a really beautiful but pragmatic way. I love it. i’ve got it  downloaded on my phone so I can read little snippets of it sometimes if I have to wait somewhere.

9. You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) (95k) by @harryrainbows | lucythegoosey on ao3 

god so this one incorporates some of Fine Line into it, and wouldn’t say it's a song fic so much as it is written as a canon compliant fic that ties harry’s songs into it and its done so fucking well oh my god. Harry and Louis are exes in this one too (lol i'm sorry) and the build up of them getting together and the pining and longing is written really well.

10. At Risk, I Fold (15k) by @bearmustard | clare328 on ao3 

so i know this one is only 15k, but I put this in the list anyways. It's canon compliant, and it does mention the stunts (as stunts), but don’t let that deter you. Harry and Louis are written almost exactly as i’ve imagined them, and this one is such a heartbreaking look into the resilience and love and bravery that they have. It made me cry despite the fact that it’s not really a glum fic. The only reason it is last on the list is because it's shorter and i was mostly intending this to be a long fic rec. The love that they have for each other really shines through in this one, and it’s super gentle and soft and sad and happy all at once and just please go read it.

[hepalien]

Shrunkyclunks (Modern Bucky/Cap Steve) Fic Rec

Hate Sex & Hair Protocol by @maddiewritesstucky - Mature, 1.8k

SHIELD Agent Bucky, UST, Enemies to Lovers (in Steve’s head), Humor

They’re all full of shit, Steve decides.

His team don’t have a clue what they’re talking about, running their mouths about the way he and Bucky look at each other; the tension that seems to be at a constant near-snapping point between them.

'It’s called annoyance' Steve wants to yell in each of their faces, loud and one by one. It’s the pain of having to exist every day in close proximity with someone who drives you out of your fucking mind.

---

In which Steve discovers that ire and desire may just exist side by side in his brain.

Stop interrupting my grinding series by @rohkeutta - Teen, 2.5k

Nurse Bucky, Wrong Number, Fluff, Humor

“I tried to call Sam,” Captain America says, bewildered. He’s sprinting like Usain Bolt and doesn’t sound even a little out of breath. Fucker. “Who’re you?”

“Someone who’s watching you live on TV,” Bucky tells him as the tiny patriotic figure on the screen takes the turns like he instructed. Bucky should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but honestly? After a tour in the Middle East and six years as a nurse in New York, even this isn’t enough to ruffle him. One sees a lot of shit in the ER. “Also, you better hang up now, that thing is behind the next bend.”

“Uh, okay,” Captain America says. “Thanks?”

“Whatever,” Bucky says, disconnects the call and turns the TV off to get ready for his shift.

Save a Horse, Ride a Captain by @galwednesday - Teen, 2.7k

War Vet Bucky, Meet Cute, Fluff, Humor, Modern Howlies

Bucky tapped him on the shoulder, swaying back and forth a little as he waited for the man to turn around. “Hello,” he said, and then promptly forgot what else he was going to say, because this guy was fucking beautiful. “Wow. Good face.”

Two of the guy’s friends, a man wearing a suit that fit so well it had to be bespoke and a man with a cute little gap between his front teeth, started cracking up. The petite redhead sitting next to them cocked her head to the side and pulled her phone out of her handbag. Beautiful Face just looked kind of pained, so Bucky redirected. He was a gentleman. He could take a hint. No hitting on beautiful guys who were uncomfortable with that sort of thing, no matter how lickable their jawlines were.

“Hello,” he repeated, doing his best to mind his manners. “I’m very sorry to bother you. Can I have a piggy-back ride?”

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet by @musette22 - Teen, 3.8k

Chef Bucky, POV Outsider, Fluff, Humor

“I made soda bread.”

Steve lets out the 6’2” supersoldier equivalent of a squeak. “Oh, I love soda bread,” he says eagerly, rolling forward on the balls of his feet like he does when he gets excited. “My mom used to make it all the time when I was growing up.”

The tips of Barnes’s ears turn red, and he mutters something that sounds suspiciously like, “I know.”

more under the cut

Cafe Au Écoute by @littlesystems - Teen, 3.8k

Coffee Shop AU

No matter where Steve goes, there's always the chance that he'll overhear a conversation about himself - or rather, Captain America. This coffee shop is no different. The fact that he keeps eavesdropping well past the point of plausible deniability is another matter entirely.

#TweetMeDaddy by StarSpangled - Teen, 4.1k

SHIELD Employee Bucky, Misunderstandings, Crack, Humor

Coulson, for his part, stares up at Bucky with such a betrayed look of frozen horror that Natasha actually goes the extra step and presses another button, capturing the moment and airdropping the photograph to her phone for posterity. When he speaks, his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper. “Why…?” He swallows and starts again, trying for some semblance of normality. “...Why would you tweet something like that?!”

“If you must know, sir,” and somehow he manages to make ‘sir’ come out with the same inflection most people reserve for ‘motherfucking son of a bitch’, “it’s because I have a difficult time doing my job when my job involves monitoring the man with the best fucking ass in the United States of America.” He slowly lowers himself back into his seat until he’s at eye level, making extreme eye contact with Coulson until Coulson turns away to make mortified eye contact in Natasha’s general direction through the one-way glass. Natasha would take another picture, if she weren’t too busy catching Steve’s red-faced sputtering. “Sometimes, I vent to my Twitter followers. Sometimes, it’s about hot men with washboard abs. Can I go now, or do you need a graphic description of how I pleasure myself at night?”

at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by @spacebuck - Explicit, 8.2k

YouTuber Bucky

This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.

Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.

He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.

Bucky Barnes.

OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny

Came with my cool (I dropped it) by @liionne - Teen, 9.2k

Yoga Instructor Bucky

"When you said I need to loosen up, I didn't think you meant literally."

"I meant it every way. Mentally, emotionally, and physically." Natasha says, and thrusts a yoga mat at him.

there once was a diamond by bloobeary - Teen, 11.3k

Fluff, Thanksgiving

"You," Becca seethes, and hits him with a wooden spoon. "Could have told me," Hits him again. "You were dating Captain America." Final hit, Bucky laughs. He supposes he deserves it, giving her no more information than the fact he was bringing his boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner at her house and then showing up with Steve.

Salt by littleblackfox @thelittleblackfox - Mature, 12k

Bakery AU

The cinnamon roll is gone in four bites. Four indecent, jaw-unhinging bites, and Steve sucks the last traces of lemon and icing from his fingers with a low, throaty sound of satisfaction. He glances up at Bucky, who is leaning against the counter and watching him with avid fascination.

“Um…” Steve says around his index finger. There’s still a little icing on the bed of his fingernail, and he stops trying to work it off with his tongue.

“You know those movies where the girl eats an eclair or something, and it’s really, like, sexually charged?” Bucky asks.

Steve pulls his finger out of his mouth. He’s never seen that kind of movie, but the thought of Bucky eating an eclair is certainly… well, it lingers. “Uh?”

“Yeah, well that was the exact opposite.” Steve scowls, and Bucky cackles gleefully. “You are something else, Steve.”

Leg Day by Brokenpitchpipe - Explicit, 12.1k

Gym Thot Bucky

“So talk to him,” Sam says.

“I can’t,” Bucky groans. “I can’t, Sam, I. He just.” He fluffs his hair up and stares at Sam, distraught. “I want him to bench press me.”

“Okay, so it’s serious,” Sam interprets. “Got it."

(Or: The one where Sam is Bucky's long-suffering roommate, Bucky is a hot mess of a millennial, and Hot Steve spends far too much time on the Lat Pull-Down machine.)

Art Nouveau by voluptuous_panic - Explicit, 12.2k

Bartender Bucky, Tattooed & Pierced Bucky

Steve's on the worst date of his life. At least the bartender's cute.

much tattoo about nothing by @deisderium - Explicit, 14.5k

Tattoo Artist Bucky

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

No Wonder There's Panic in the Industry by sprinkle_of_cinnamon - Not Rated (I’d say Mature?), 20.5k

Stark Industries Intern Bucky, Team fic, Humor

In which Bucky Barnes and his BFF, Clint Barton, are NYU interns for Stark Media Group competing to be Pepper's favorite.

Or alternatively, the time Bucky assisted the P.A. team on the Steve Rogers piece and ended up (adopted) with a contact list full of Avengers.

Life of the Party by @aggressivewhenstartled - Explicit, 21.6k

Superhero Impersonator Bucky, Mistaken Identity

“You know, kids,” Steve heard from the backyard, “one of the most common threats a superhero has to face is inside an active volcano! We’re going to have to work on your evasion skills, so for the next five minutes, the floor is lava!” This was met by a sudden spike in both volume and pitch from the small children as they scrambled onto every raised surface they could find and immediately launched themselves right back off.

“I’ve never seen actual lava in my entire life,” Steve said, vaguely offended.

“You got a superhero impersonator for The Falcon’s niece’s birthday party,” Sam said, incredulous. “The Falcon, who is an actual superhero.”

Trust Enough by @geneticallydead - Explicit, 23.3k

Misunderstandings

“Saturday. Yeah, that’s good,” Steve says, and actually scuffs his shoe at the ground. Like a ridiculous shy superhero damsel. “Say eight? I live-“

“Yeah, big building with the A on it,” Bucky says, and can’t help a big stupid grin. Steve stares at him, looking a little dazed, and after their whole conversation it’s only now that Bucky’s brain catches up and realises Steve finds him quite attractive. So. Win for Bucky.

“Let me get your number,” Steve says finally, after they’ve stared stupidly at each other for about three hours, taking out his phone.

So they exchange numbers, and then Steve says he should go, and Bucky agrees, and they kind of stare at each other for a bit more, then Steve actually does go, but not before taking Bucky’s hand and squeezing it warmly in a way that makes Bucky want to shiver all over. Then Steve is gone, and Bucky is standing alone in the alley, grinning to himself.

Right up until the moment he remembers that Steve thinks Bucky is an escort he’s just hired.

Well fuck.

The Roommate by layersofart, Niitza - Teen, 28.6k

War Vet Bucky, Roommates AU, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Team fic

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

Brooklyn Baby by sprinkle_of_cinnamon - Mature, 33.7k

Coffee Shop AU, Modern Howlies, Mistaken Identity, Team Fic

In which Bucky is just trying to live life and enjoy his unofficial official table at the obnoxiously hipster coffee shop but some guy named Steve stole his spot.

Or, the time that Bucky unintentionally befriended the Avengers and had no idea.

Never Talk to Strangers by mambo @whtaft - Teen, 40.4k

Grad Student Bucky, Slow Burn

Never Talk to Strangers: or; How a Forgotten Childhood Lesson Led Bucky Barnes to Appreciate Charlie Chaplin, Befriend an A.I., Slip on Soap Bubbles, Be Mistaken for a Succubus, and Try to Woo a Superhero.

Sinking Our Teeth In The Heart Of The Sun by fallendarlings @pressrestartwrites - Explicit, 102.8k

Single Dad Bucky, Kid Fic, Slow Burn, Domestic, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Steve has Autism

Bucky Barnes never intended to become a single father at 25. But life has always enjoyed kicking him while he's down and it's showing no signs of stopping. A chance meeting with a brick wall of a guy named Steve in the formula aisle of the grocery store leads to a friendship it seems like both of them need. If only Bucky could remember that's all they are- friends. If only Steve didn't slot into their lives so perfectly and look so good spoiling Bucky's daughter (and Bucky, despite his protests).

Oh, if only Steve didn't turn out to be Captain America.

Steve Rogers is wandering around a world that he doesn't fit into, fighting for a government that he doesn't trust, just because he doesn't know what to do with himself if he ever relaxes long enough to actually think about anything other than the next mission.

And then came Bucky Barnes and his newborn baby.

More recs

[billiejean485]

Well peeps - I think I finally reached my turning point regarding Miraculous Ladybug. I've made a decision to leave for the time being.

I have no reasons left to focus on it the way I did up until Ephemeral, and I am just making myself hang onto the old ones that made me so dedicated to the show in the first place.

I probably won't turn my back to it 100% until the Sentimonster Adrien thing is completely resolved, meaning that I will watch the new eps and probably write posts about them too. If a miracle happens and I end up being able to accept or even like what the canon has in store for us, then I'll come back and continue where I left off.

And what does that 'continue' mean: means I'll pick up the fanfic I've been writing since June and go back to being an active fan.

That fanfic meant a hell lot to me: it was my comfort, my emotional relief and something I could spend almost all of my time on, now that I got retired (yup, you read that right - I got retired at the beginning of my 30s, because of my health issues). I knew of course that it was plain fan work, but as someone who wanted to be a part of other people's works and even a writer one day, it was at least a very good practice. I'm not taking this hit personally, because it's always a shot in the dark with fan fiction - but boy, have I never thought having to give up on one could hurt this bad.

Speaking of which, if I really have to drop it and forget about it, I hope I'll find a right moment in the future where I'll be able to share my ideas, concepts and what I already wrote and made regarding it.

Some may wonder why I just can't keep working on it regardless of the canon. I just can't. For the life of me, I can't go against it, and I rarely could - canon material was always something I put above everything else, what I'd try to respect and relive in my fan works, as a tribute - and also, as a way of bringing myself and my readers back into the original world. So now that I can't find anything to be dedicated to... it lost it's purpose.

I still hate that they've (possibly) made Adrien be a Sentimonster. Part of the reason why so many of us in the fandom liked him as a chara since the first season is because we believed we got a perfect little 'Disney Prince' we rarely or never get in other media; having that turn into a lie is well... disheartening.

Of course, it's always a push to make a character perfect, and maybe we should've seen that as a warning sign. But honestly - it depends from the creator. We could argue that characters like Disney Princesses got away with being perfect for the longest time, though I personally don't think I've ever seen a perfect character (that isn't a Mary Sue/Gary Stue). If you want relatability, you gotta add some flaws. And Adrien as a human wasn't really all that perfect himself - especially if you view him from the Chat Noir side of his persona. He was perfect in that attempt to be a perfect human - but all of that has been tossed out the window now for good.

Heck, I'm not even an Adrien Agreste stan - I liked his alter ego more and mostly for artistic purposes. But knowing that that Chaton has never been a human to begin with and that can disappear with a snap of a finger or a destruction of the object with an Amok is so disappointing. Like I said before - if I knew he was just a magical being, I wouldn't have gotten invested. It's just not my cup of tea.

And don't call me out on being a Senti-hater. I'm not. I was rooting for Sentibug and all the others staying alive as much as the next person; it's just that I was living in this POV on Adrien that got completely crushed.

I sound just like Marinette did in Ephemeral. Well, if that is to be taken as a foreshadowing for all of us getting to accept him in this new light... I just hope we'll all manage to do so.

As for my fanfic... Sadly, I can't bring up anything without giving spoilers - and, like I said, I'm hanging by that last thread of hope that the climax of the canon won't disappoint me and that I'll work my way around it somehow. All I can say is I'm pretty much in the same pickle there as in real life.

I know most of you are probably wondering why I'm making such a big fuss over it, and also why I keep bothering everyone without giving anything to actually look at... As I've stated, I just can't. And it's killing me, because if you knew the deatails, you'd totally get why I was this taken aback by the SentiAdrien reveal/teaser.

So... see ya in the following days. At least I can take a mental break now from the constant spoilers and all the jazz (though I Followed too many MLB dedicated blogs to not get them on my timelines, so maybe I'll end up taking small breaks from Social Media as well). I'll look for something else I might find interesting. I won't go back to Transformers just yet, as I feel I still need a break from that too.

... Maybe this whole post ends up being a 'false alarm' and something makes me stay - though I doubt it. It just feels like the right choice to avoid MLB for now.

Good luck with your personal emotional roller-coaster on the ride this show is providing! Hope that most of us will end up satisfied with what the creators have in store.

... I regret coming back to the fandom, at least at this point. I came for the fluff - not the angst and the depression Ephemeral gave me. 😞