#so she has to wear the cone until it's fully healed again

[peanutbutterjelly-pie]

My poor cat has to wear a Cone of Shame now and she is so not happy about it 🙃

[jentledaisies]

05 / 30 / 2024 - an update

as I am sure you remember, at the end of 2023 i made a post. in it, i explained my absence and overall health. much has happened since then.

first and foremost, i would like to say that many of you left me very kind and loving messages, at a time when i was very unkind and unloving to myself. thank you for that. you have no idea how it helped. i am very pleased to be able to tell you all that in the month of January and some of February, i completed my second round of TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation - depression + insomnia protocols) and my second round of Ketamine infusions. i feel much better, mentally and somewhat physically. now as to why i've remained gone, and why i made that post a few weeks ago about how stressed i was. on April 11, 2024, Apollo went in for surgery. he had a tumor on his neck (thankfully benign) and we had it removed. that surgery had gone fine and although it was costly (about 1K) me and my family were sure that it would all turn out fine. however, during his recovery process, I noticed his left eye had become swollen shut and (WARNING; GROSS) had been leaking pus. i rushed him to my vet, and thus began the month-long fight for his eye. for the first couple of weeks, we continued going to my usual vet, for both check-ups on his eye, medicine refills, and other emergencies related to his eye. he was, understandably in a lot of pain. this point in time was when I became the most stressed. I had almost completely stopped sleeping altogether, and kept waking up when I was alseep due to fear of him being in pain or something else happening. three weeks passed, and my vet was at a loss. he had been very clear with me, he had never seen an eye injury this bad on a rabbit before, and he did not know if he could save the eye. and after that third week, he sat me down to explain that he could no longer due anything else, and at that moment, his professional opinion was that I should remove Apollo's eye. he did, however, very strongly urge me to see a veterinary opthamalogy specialist before I made my choice, as he did not feel fully comfortable. at this point i had already spent almost 2K of my own money on appointments, even with help from my parents, and i began feeling very stressed at the financial burden. getting his eye removed would have been 2K more, which was all i had left in my savings. luckily, we did go to see a specialist and she was able to provide us with more medicine, a clearer understanding and some hope. she believed Apollo had managed to create a scab over the initial injury, something she also hadn't seen done in rabbits, and under the scab his eye was healing. it was very similar to a procedure she had done on other animals before, to help eye injuries heal. so she gave us medicine and a plan, to hopefully wait out the scab on his eye. which brings us to one week ago. in this time the scab had grown smaller, and we had had it trimmed around the edges a few times (since we couldn't pull it off we just trimmed it) and while I was grooming him I noticed it was pulling off a lot. I was planning on trimming it again but to my relief the whole thing popped off all at once. I kept applying medicine, as they instructed until today's appointment. now, final hurdle, the appointment today. his eye is (basically) healed! it'll take a while for his vision to return, however it will return. he no longer has to wear his cone or be separated from Leo. I'll be tapering off his medication and he should be completely fine. thank you all for being so patient with me. this has been my life for the past half year and while you don't in any way owe me such patience and grace, I more than appreciate it. <3

— with love, daisy, apollo & leo

[letterstoponyo]

08/20/23

dear ponyo,

hi baby. i’m currently waiting for dad outside of watsons, he’s getting syringes for bambi and milo because we’ve lost every other 1ml syringe we had. milo is still very resistant of the medication, dad and i are like a swat team whenever milo has to drink it again. good thing they don’t make you drink nasty-tasting antibiotics there, do they?

dad and i went grocery shopping, our food and your sisters’ are running out. we bought A LOT of food. we also bought clothes for bambi and milo so they wouldn’t be able to lick their wounds since that makes the infection worse. i’ll show you photos when we get them to wear it.

08/21/23

hi baby, i’m sorry i wasn’t able to finish writing yesterday. dad and i got home and had to reorganize the fridge and take care of bambi and milo. milo’s incision is fully healed and we don’t worry about her as much now. bambi still has a long way to go but dad and i are patient and will be until she fully recovers.

you arrived back home today, baby. your dad cried again because it made him realize how permanent your absence really is. they did a nice job with you while you were there. your ashes were in a bamboo urn and your paw prints were spot on. we also got a bit of your hair and all your teefs. they were so cute. but of course they were cuter when you still had them on :)

dad still isn’t okay, neither am i but he’s taking this far badly than i am. his fever is recurring and tomorrow we’re gonna be at the doctor’s to have him checked. pray with me that it isn’t anything serious ok? my semester starts soon so i want dad to get well as soon as possible because i can’t leave for elbi knowing he hasn’t recuperated yet. please watch over your dad, always. i wouldn’t always be able to look after him when the sem starts. you see him all the time so let him know you love him as often as you can ok? your love and mine grant him immunity from all diseases and illnesses, so let’s keep them coming.

i made dad lemonade tonight. and made him eat some oranges to help with his recovery. oranges have a lot of nutrients in them so if you get the chance to have some, don’t hesitate to eat some too ok? don’t just always eat junk food. i gave dad a sponge bath too which brought down his temperature lower by .5 degree. i hope his fever goes away for good now, i’m super worried about him.

i’m gonna stop writing here, i need to give your sisters antibiotics. they’re on cefalexin for 3 more days after today. we just bought another bottle when we went to the drugstore earlier tonight. bambi still wears a cone.

i’ll attach a photo of your setup here. :) and a photo of bambi eating a lot after i took off her cone of shame.

love always,

mom and dad

[asherranceoftheheart]

A Fateful Encounter

Character/s: Chase Brody, Cat!Antisepticeye, Brief Appearance of Henrik Von Schneeplestein Warning/s: Soft!Anti, VERY brief mention of animal cruelty (it’s just one short paragraph) Genre/s: Fluff (Archive of Our Own Edition) Note: Shoutout to @beerecordings for giving me the inspiration and prompt to write this little monster

The very first time Chase met his little king, he could’ve sworn it had been fate.

It had been admittedly a shitty day for him. His ex-wife didn’t want to talk to him or give him time with their kids unless he pulled his shit together. He was having a hard time managing his and Jack’s channel after Jack fell into a coma after an accident. The other’s disappointment in him for drinking again yesterday got too suffocating so he just had to go out and get some fresh air.

But life seemed to be against him enjoying anything and it was suddenly raining even though the weather forecast didn’t say anything about rain coming soon so he didn’t bother bringing an umbrella. Thankfully he was wearing a hoodie jacket so even though he’s going to be soaked when he gets home, he’ll have something over his head at least.

He had been walking back home when he passed by a dark alleyway that had him pausing.

Chase looked into the path as he strained his ears through the sounds of rain for the thing that caught his attention.

...ew… Meow!

There!

He jogged deeper into the alley and looked around until his eyes caught sight of the wet, broken box that was shaking as if something was trying to get it off. He crouched over the thing and carefully peeled off the top and flinched at the sharp scent of copper.

HISS!

There was a pair of green cat eyes glaring venomously at him. There was a black cat with scraggly fur weakly squirming within the box. Chase inhaled sharply when he saw the bleeding cut on the cat’s throat that was staining the box’s floor crimson. What kind of sick fuck—!

“I can’t leave you here,” Chase said out loud, his heart was already made up. “I just can’t.”

His mind worked quickly as he took off his jacket and carefully placed it under the hissing cat’s body. The poor thing lost so much blood that it couldn’t even do anything against him save for hissing and snarling threateningly. He shushed it gently, idly patting the cat on his side as a comfort before making a victorious sound when he could finally bundle the jacket around the weakly squirming cat. He swaddled the now quiet cat who was staring at him with wary eyes.

Chase stood up, carrying the cat in his arms as he rushed out of the alleyway.

“Stay strong, kitty! I promise you’ll be alright!”

 0-0-0-0-0-0

“Mister Brody?” Chase looked up from his phone and saw one of the vet nurses standing in front of him. “Doctor Shane would like to see you now.”

“Is it okay?” He anxiously asked the lady who smiled kindly at him as he stood up from his seat.

“He is alright now. The doctor can tell you more when you meet him.” Chase gave the nurse his thanks and followed the directions she gave him to the office of the doctor.

He stood in front of the room with the name ‘Dr. Shane Walker’ and gave the door a polite knock. Chase heard a muffled ‘Come in’ from inside the room and turned the doorknob before pushing it open.

The cat was sleeping on a cat bed, warmly cuddled up to a cat blanket. His neck was wrapped with a roll of bandage and he has one of those cones around his neck to keep him from moving it.

Chase approached the cat and couldn’t help but scratch the spot behind one of his ears and smiled when he started making an oddly scratchy rumbly purr.

“That one put up quite a fight before he went down with a sedative,” the vet sighed as he cleaned his tools in the nearby sink. “Thankfully, we have a matching blood bank for the transfusion and you managed to get him here right in the nick of the time. If it had been any later, I fear he would’ve lost too much blood.”

He was thankful too that there was a nearby open veterinary clinic from where he found the injured cat. He was just glad that he didn’t fuck this up for the poor thing.

“So what’s the verdict, Doc?” Chase asked the vet who scratched his chin in thought.

“Well… I’m keeping an eye on the infections from the cuts that he suffered, especially the one on his throat. It miraculously didn’t sever his vocal chords but it was certainly damaged. It will heal but he will have a croaky voice for the rest of his life. He’s really skinny so a proper diet will also be needed. You said you found him in an alleyway nearby?” Chase nodded at the question and the vet continued, “If I may ask… do you intend to adopt him?”

Chase flinched and looked at Dr. Shane with wide eyes. He did not expect to be put into this situation and the doctor must have noticed it because he took pity on him.

“It’s a big responsibility to adopt someone with a heavy past like him so I can understand if you don’t want to,” Shane smiled at the stunned man who finally recovered his voice.

He raised his hand and waved it back and forth in a pacifying manner.

“W-Wait, I didn’t mean to say no—I mean, I don’t know I’ve just got a lot going on and I don’t think I’d be a great, attentive owne—” Chase was cut off by the feeling of something soft rubbing against his fingers. He looked down and held his breath in when the cat was unconsciously rubbing its head against his hand. “Oh.”

Shane hid a smile at the lovestruck gleam that glazed over the man’s eyes. While there was still uncertainty and doubt in the young man’s body language, there’s no doubting the softness and melting of his heart that was going on right now. He liked to think that he was a great judge of character. Being around animals for nearly 24/7 can teach someone how to pick up the cues that animals could read on a person’s personality. Mister Brody seems to be going through a lot with the weary slump of his shoulders and the dark bags under his eyes. Shane couldn’t help but think that the kind man would be a great fit for his new sharp patient.

“You could come and visit him everyday until he gets better since you’re paying for everything after all,” Shane offered a chance for the man who was now scratching the sleeping cat’s head once more. “It would help you get to know each other and give you some time to think it over.”

“... Yeah… Yeah, that’d be great,” Chase gave the older man a small smile. “Thanks doc.”

“No problem. It’s my job to help my little patients after all.”

0-0-0-0-0-0

Tired but curious blue eyes stared into narrowed green ones as the duo held an intense staring contest with each other. Chase slowly blinked and hid a smile when the black cat hissed at him and snobbily turned his back at the man, a wordless ‘Fuck off’ if it ever meant anything.

It was already a massive improvement compared to the snarls and attempts of clawing his face off that was in the beginning. Chase didn’t know why but he felt like he had to keep being more patient to get this cat’s trust.

He already got a lot of bandages on his hand from when he was far too slow in drawing back when the cat reared up to attack him. But with the guidance of the vet and the nurses, he was slowly able to come nearer the injured furry void. He could sit a few inches close to the cat now even if he’d turn his butt up at him and ignored him. Doctor Shane said that it was a sign that the cat was beginning to lower his guard now that he knew that regardless of how much he lashed out, Chase would still patiently wait for him to come close of his own will.

“Are you going to adopt him? I don’t want to pressure you but… that one’s starting to get to know you and it might just break his trust if you just left him…” Shane asked Chase while he watched the man sit beside the black cat who was unconsciously coming closer against his body heat.

It was a painful chore to get the cat inside a cat carrier so they just left him his own little space to roam around in. Thankfully, he was a rather disciplined cat so long as you don’t attempt to put him in an enclosed space or touch him far too long. They had to learn how to slowly lure him into his temporary space with food and a bunch of toys.

“I— Yeah, I think I want to,” Chase admitted as he looked down at the black cat who was now a bit more relaxed despite his close proximity. He still doesn’t dare to touch that shiny fur. “I keep thinking about him when I get home and I asked one of my doctor friends if it’d be a good idea…”

He had pulled Henrik away from the others after he gained the idea of adopting the cat engraved into his mind. He knew that he was already considering it since he kept wondering how it would feel to have that black bundle of fur roaming around his house, and already worrying his head off just like he does with his kids if the cat was doing fine. It was why he kept visiting every single day to the point that the cat would be staring right at the door knowing just when he would arrive.

“Are you sure you are ready for that kind of responsibility?” Henrik asked Chase, an intent gaze on his face.

The doctor has to admit that Chase was looking better than he had been a week ago. Most of the black bags under his eyes were mostly gone since he was sleeping at a more reasonable time so that he could wake up early and be at the vet’s office right in schedule. Since he was interacting with people, Chase found the energy to clean himself up and look a little bit more alert than before.

“A pet is a big responsibility and you cannot just pass it off when you are experiencing a depressive episode. We could help you but I cannot in good mind advise you to keep one if you are just going to depend on us to fully take care of it.” The doctor cautioned the other man, he wanted to know if Chase truly wanted this.

“I know, Hen. I understand but… There’s just something different about that cat and I feel like he needs me like I need him and if I left him behind how would I be any better than the sick bastards that hurt him?” Chase rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. “You said that it would be good for me to have a routine that I should follow and taking care of a cat would make me have one since I have to keep to a strict feeding schedule since that one needs a bunch of medicine that’s dependent on schedule. I just…”

Henrik huffed, the sharp glint in his eyes softening at his friend’s self-frustration. Seriously… Chase is sometimes just too hard on himself.

He patted Chase’s back and smiled at the man when he looked back at him.

“I think you have already made up your mind, my friend.” Henrik teased.

Chase snorted.

“You don’t get it Schneep… Even though he’s cranky and almost always angry, that little goblin’s far too cute for me to not adopt…”

“He’s not gonna be an easy one to care for,” Doctor Shane pointed out.

Chase looked down at the cat who was now pressed against his side and looking up at him with those far too intelligent for a normal cat’s green eyes. He smiled, his eyes brightening up like sunshine in a way it hasn’t been lit up for a long time.

“That makes two of us.” He chuckled.

A hand gently reached out to scratch the cat’s head. The cat only relaxed under his hand and went back to his nap.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Chase pushed open the door to his house and entered into the main hallway. He closed the door behind him and carefully placed the cat carrier down to the floor.

“Hey little guy, we’re home.” Chase smiled at the pair of green eyes that were watching him from within the carrier.

He unlatched the lock on the cage’s gate and opened it up. A black paw cautiously tapped out into the strange, new territory with new sounds and smells. Chase sat down on the floor as he waited for the cat to slowly come out until he was standing right in front of him. He held out a hand for the suspicious cat who sniffed it before he began rubbing his head against his hand as a demand for a petting session. 

The man began scratching the spot behind the cat’s ears with a fond smile as he began to purr loudly in that scratchy voice of his.

“Welcome home… Anti.”

 0-0-0-0-0-0

Chase pleasantly woke up from the happy dreams of Anti’s adoption by the feeling of something heavy perching on top of his lungs. He blearily opened his eyes to be met by an extremely close up view of the cat’s sniffing nose.

“Mrowr!” Anti screamed in his face.

He wheezed and groaned even as he reached up to pet the cat’s entire body.

“Good morning to you too, Your Majesty.” Chase deadpanned, giving his smug cat an unimpressed look when he started kneading his claws into his chest in a not so silent demand for him to hurry up and feed him. “I guess it’s time for your royal breakfast and that’s why you have to wake up your poor pitiful servant.”

Anti meowed and stretched himself out on his body before rubbing his head under his chin.

“Yeah, yeah… Get off you cute acting little bastard,” Chase could only ever say that with complete fondness for the brat.

As he forced himself out of his bed to feed the demanding King’s orders, Chase thought that if his and Anti’s meetings were already written in Fate’s book, he would find it in himself to thank whatever god was listening to him up there. Since after all… No matter how bratty and feral his little King was, he was the main reason why he could honestly say now that he was fine and happy.

[ask-the-cordium-crew]

Two Sides Of The Same Coin

Salem paused for a moment hand on her throne and soon spoke before everyone left. “Where is Mark and his servant?” 

this caused Neo to look up worried Benjamin came thru the entrance Emerald, Mercury and Hazel had just walked thru “My apologies madam I got a bit lost while following master’s Emerald and Mercury” 

Neo wiped her forehead in relief at just Seeing Benjamin come in thankfully Celine was left on the ship she was glad at least Cinder didn’t tell anyone here about that but to cut the relief short a loud chuckle could be heard as everyone looked at the door. 

Mark was in his robes once more his hands stained with crimson red and a few bandages on his arms “I am so sorry I was late my queen I had a few injuries I needed tending to they should be healed up right quick after that aura boosting pill I took” Salem looked at him and nodded.

Neo gulped sweating a little as she saw HIM she wasn’t nervous about being around him she’s nervous about him discovering Celine is here she knows she could take him but with Salem around she knows she can’t fight him so she attempted to walk away with Cinder before. 

“AH if it isn’t little miss ice cream cone herself the one who stole my darling wife from me” Mark walked up to her and dragged a claw to her chin Cinder was about to stop him when Salem spoke up as she was leaving 

“Actor you need to heal save your strength I will be needing you again soon Celine may have been important earlier but she isn’t anymore I don’t need her dead if you still want her death then so be it but after atlas is completely destroyed” 

Mark sighed heavily as he walked away from Neo “Oh yes of course my queen I shall heal fully then be ready for my next mission don’t expect me to wear my robes though HA HA HA!”

A light chuckle came from Salem not lasting long she found a few of the things he did entertaining which is one of the reasons he was still around soon everyone had left the room besides Neo and Cinder. 

Cinder turned to look at Neo “your lucky he doesn’t know she’s on the ship we should go wait there untill orders are given your thankful she didn’t notice Celine on the ship she didn’t ask about it so i didn’t tell” Neo rolled her eyes before walking with Cinder back to the ship.   

Meanwhile back in mantle Penny just received a call from General Ironwood looking worried everyone looked at her as she soon answered James told her he was worried about her and to tell him her location so she can be picked up Ruby quickly hugged penny and told him that she’s not going anywhere and they are going to save mantle. 

Before James could continue to speak William picked up the phone and scoffed 

“JAMES JUST SO YOU KNOW... YOUR FIRED WHEN I GET BACK UP THERE and I don’t trust you to take the news so well so I will be prepared your insane and thats coming from me! someone’s who’s semblance drives people crazy!... your better then this General we will meet again but i am not gonna let you murder me or any of these kids in cold blood” 

General Ironwood of course went on about protecting atlas and how it’s humanity's best hope at survival and mantle doesn’t matter William ended the call and gave penny back her scroll laughing a little. 

“Wow he didn’t even react to what I said what a shock!” He rolled his eyes 

afterwards they talked about what would happen next who was going with who but Yang spoke up looking a bit confused “hey colonel where the heck is Fluffy?” William perked up as he looked at her.

“OH FLUFFY? he’s just ripping apart a few of the grimm nearby what a rascal am I right?”

Penny looked over at him after letting go of Ruby “Mr. Barnum sir more importantly are your injuries healed? do you think you’ll be combat ready? and which group will you be going with?” 

Will rubbed his chin as he looked between Yang and Ruby “Penny dear just call me William and hmm i will go with miss rose I might not have my clearances anymore but i still know that place like the back of my hand and yes thank you for asking i’ve made a full recovery by now just a few scars on my chest”

Yancy did a backflip and landed right beside Yang and leaned on her shoulder “Well’s I guess’es I’ll be going with miss Yangs here ten sure I trust youse Colonel but I don’t do well working with authorities”  

Ruby nodded and looked at them “OK! it’s settled then me Weiss, Nora, Blake, Penny, and William will try to get amity up and running while Yang, Oscar, Jaune, Ren and Yancy will work on helping people in mantle” 

William loaded his gun “WELL THEN BULLY! WE’VE GOT SOME WORK TODO!” 

Yancy cracked his knuckles and put on his sparkly gloves “let's do this pallies and hey don’t sweat it I know’s we can do this.”

[robin-blogs]

03.02.2021 – Wednesday Lecture – MA Graduates Presentations

Shows to check out by current students and recent graduates:

https://www.ellietowers.com/walkies

https://cbsgallery.co.uk/NadiaKawafi-Home

https://artspaces.kunstmatrix.com/en/exhibition/4442265/group-exhibition-solitary-combustion

 Garry Finnegan

Gone from BA to MA. Collaborations, sound artist, installation, recently into performance, real life postman! The only piece Finnegan showed was a film// performative piece he had created. There were a handful of main scenes that were shown in black and white. The first was of someone holding up a cardboard sheet that had “I use to be a wooden boy” seemingly painted in black paint by looking at the texture and appearance of the image.

It was composed to be in the centre of the screen and took up the whole screen, making it the clear and only focal point of the frame. This made me pay more attention to the text of the piece as it was in bold black letters contrasted against the light brown of the background. I personally thought both instantly of Pinocchio and of lockdown// myself during lockdown. I have thought of myself as ‘wooden’ throughout the experience of the past year as I have been solid and still in the same environment, unable to move around because of the pandemic, which left me feeling stuck and ‘wooden’. The next series of frames to be shown throughout the roughly 10 minuite video was a large studio-like room that had two, large brown cylinders suspended from the ceiling from white fabric.

They were seen to move freely within the room by swinging from side to side gently as audio played in the background. Even when listening back to the audio and video with headphones in I still couldn’t clearly understand what the audio was trying to convey; so, I interpreted this as intentional. I couldn’t clearly understand the audio and the video seemed largely disjointed to me in how it was presented. The audio had what sounded like distorted voices playing over slowed down industrial-like music where tones and volumes would shift from high pitched to lo pitched without a balanced in-between; which resulted in it causing me mild headaches and made me lower and higher the volume of my speakers several times during the videos duration. This made me dislike the video as a result as I couldn’t fully concentrate on the content of the video itself and rather had to focus more on balancing the audio. Within the scene following this, the video showed an outside landscape of a large tree that had what seemed to be a paper cone within it.

The audio shifted within this scene from a pitch changing hum to a kind of distorted voice where I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I again, felt like this was intentional because even when listening to the audio with headphones it was still unclear what they were saying. I interpreted this scene as a way of the landscape or cone trying to talk, the whole video was black and white and as a result looked bleak and dystopian which further made me think of the audio relating to the landscape and scenery crying out and being distorted.  In the last scenes of the film Finnegan showed a more ‘traditional’ piece of performance art in which two figures// people were dancing around and creating clear black silhouettes on the opposite wall to them. This made it look as if there were 4 people rather than 2.

Similarly, to the first part of the video that was shown, the two people were composed to clearly be the focal point within the middle of the space and took up a large portion of the screen// space. They were also wearing masks while stood next to two stools. They were at a distance and even the formatting of this section seemed to be mirrored from how perfectly cut on either side they were. This made me think about the current events of the pandemic and Covid-19. We are all mirroring one another in what we do, were all at a distance, wearing masks and for a lot of us, life feels very black and white now, without any life or colour. We are all scared for our families and ourselves and we want to keep as many people as we can safe. Finnegan didn’t decide to go into the meaning of the piece, and part of me is glad because as a result it made me think deeper into the perspective and presentation of the video where I would otherwise be largely disinterested if something as bizarre as this video had its meaning given to me so clearly. It feels like I’m in some fever dream, like a disjointed never-ending vision. The final section to this video was how the screen goes to black while there is still slight quiet audio playing in the background until it finally stops and comes to an end. Overall, I found Finnegan’s piece to be interesting but only after I started to think deeper into it and what I personally saw within it; as when I first saw this I felt largely disinterested and bored. I know I personally don’t avidly watch or interact with performance art; but I respect those who have a genuine love for it. I found it refreshing to have a piece of performance art that gave me a reason to engage with it and have a different perspective on an art form I don’t usually interact with.

Linda Jane James

After Finnegan had finished talking about his work on performance art, Linda Jane James started to talk about her work and experience with art throughout her life. James started to talk about how she’s a second year MA student and finished her BA in 2004. She then further explained how she used to be a child accountant before taking up artwork fully.  Throughout her artwork she has been looking at exploring trade in business and reworking changes in transformation. James then talked about how she wants to try and bring two parts of her life together, that being her art and her experience in business// child accountancy. James then explained how she has an issue with artists not being included in conversations about changes during pandemic, industry and the environment. With the work she showed during the lecture she explained how she wants to challenge what a website is. Although I don’t have an interest in business or website creation, I found it interesting to see how another artist has interpreted all of the changes in environment and industry and used their artwork and experience in business and accounting to include more artists into the conversation. She doesn’t want a website that is stagnant and still, she wants a website that feels organic and natural to engage people in the conversation more. Overall, even though I feel like I didn’t have as strong of a connection with James’ work with my own practice, I still found it interesting to learn about another perspective an artist is working to create. I found it intriguing how she wants to mix her life as an artist and as a past children’s accountant into one to give more expression and power behind her work as a result. I feel like this is a part of her work I can relate to my own work and practice and use to enhance my work further when thinking about my practice. I feel this is something I already do within my own practice as I often mix my personal life with my artwork to give it more emphasis along with giving me a way of expressing my feelings towards a certain issue I’ve dealt with such as mental health and abuse. I would like to keep doing this more in the future of my work as I enjoy the emphasis it puts on my work along with giving me a way to express my feelings in a ay that helps me heal and recover from my personal issues. I also feel it incredibly empowering when it comes to things such as my gender identity in being a trans man. I have created a wide range of pieces around my own experiences and about the LGBTQ+ Community to help empower myself and to in a way, give myself more hope for the future.

Cos Ahmet

After James’ had finished talking about her work, the next to talk was Cos Ahmet; a second year MA student. He started off his segment of the lecture by showing parts of his website. With one of his images he explained how he uses materials as a layer of skin such as pipes, plaster, insulation and fleece. He wanted to distort the body to the point you couldn’t recognise it. Ahmet then went on to show a collaborative performance piece he did with Abbie exactly a year ago. When the video started to play it had a soft, almost breathing like pattern where it seemed to pulsate a rumbling noise over and over. Throughout the video’s whole duration both Ahmet and Bradshaw were composed within the frame of the shot. They were both stood on either side of the screen, and had plastic wrapped over them both while also being connected by the same strip of plastic. Within the video they both walked up to one another and started to lean into one another. When looking at the video, something about it felt oddly intimate to me. Especially considering it was made in 2020, it additionally reminded me of the pandemic and how we all feel disconnected from one another. It reminded me about my own personal life too, and how I haven’t been able to see my girlfriend for months on end.  Overall, I enjoyed Ahmet’s work, although I don’t personally relate to his performative pieces when considering my own work.

In conclusion, I feel as if I enjoyed all of the artists within this lecture, even though they all seemingly did performative pieces which I don’t personally have an interest in both in my personal life and enjoyment of art and within my artistic practice. Although this lecture made me think about performance art a lot more and the different ways it can be shown and how I analyse them in different ways based upon how they’re presented. Although I’m still not interested in doing any performance art myself within my art practice, I have found more respect for the art from of performance art and the work artists put into their work.

[hms-chill]

Everything’s Bigger

Epilogue

The next year goes in stages.

First, there's physical therapy, a stage of tears and frustration. Henry's there for every appointment, learning how he can help and doing whatever he can to comfort Alex. He starts holding Skype calls at all hours to avoid crossing an ocean while his boyfriend is healing, and he manages to stay in New York, helping Alex move his arm and making sure he doesn't push too hard. There are days when Alex can't move his arm at all without tears, and Henry is there to help him go as far as he can and to cuddle him afterwards. Those days are replaced by days where they're pushing to get the arm to shoulder height, and when Alex can consistently get it that high, they get ice cream. Alex complains that it's a stupid milestone to celebrate, but Henry won't hear it. They celebrate every little milestone until the end of Alex's physical therapy, when Henry treats him to a nice dinner out, and Alex thanks him for being there through everything with a home cooked meal the next night.

Next, there's what Henry privately dubs the babysitting stage. It's the period between the sling coming off at the end of physical therapy and Alex being declared fully better, when Henry's job shifts from managing a charity to managing his tornado of a boyfriend, making sure Alex doesn't re-fracture his shoulder. Alex seems to believe he's fully healed the moment the sling comes off. He insists that he's totally capable of carrying an absurdly heavy backpack all day until he comes home with it slung over his good shoulder and can barely put it on the next day. Then he promises that it doesn't bother him with donors and congresspeople and senators pat his bad shoulder, until Henry presses a kiss to it that night and even that light of a touch nearly reduces him to tears. It's a terrifying few weeks of ice packs and massages, of worried check ups and ibuprofen before Henry helps him figure out what he can actually do, what he can do if he's not doing anything the next day, and when he needs to wear the sling to make sure other people leave him alone. The bad days get less and less frequent, though, and eventually, they get an all clear from his doctor. They celebrate with a movie night at the Brooklyn youth shelter, cuddled up and surrounded by kids they've helped together.

The clean bill of health is followed by weeks apart. Almost as soon as Alex is deemed medically healthy, Henry is whisked back across the ocean to take care of all the things he's been putting off while Alex healed. It's debatably the hardest part of the year, when he's worried about Alex's shoulder and mental health and there's nothing he can do. Eventually, Christmas comes. Henry has a big Christmas Eve dinner with his whole family in London, a Christmas brunch with his mom and Bea, and he and Shaan are on a plane headed for DC long before his grandmother starts her speech.

Alex and Zahra meet them at the airport, and Henry can hug Alex as hard as he wants, and Alex can hug back just as hard, and that in itself feels like a Christmas miracle. Alex shoves a mess of a Christmas jumper over Henry's head, and Henry laughs, overjoyed to be back together. Christmas with Alex's family is civil, and Henry sticks around after to help finalize plans for the Young Americans Gala. Pez and Bea fly over for the party, and though Henry does have to go back with them a few days later, he leaves with the confidence that Alex is doing okay. He'd spent far too much of the party bragging about how he'd saved James Bond's son, the prince of England, for Henry to be too worried.

It's just after Alex's birthday that the final phase of the year, the begging and planning, really starts. They're in bed together when Henry's fingers find the two puckered scars in Alex's shoulder, and he traces them gently, asking, "Alex, are you awake? What... have you thought at all about going back to Austin for pride this year?"

"That would be perfect."

-

And so, a little over two months later, Henry finds himself stepping off a plane into Alex's arms and the Texas summer heat. They're back. They're on a float again, but this time, it's not just them. Bea and June refused to let them go alone, and Nora and Pez refused to be left behind, so all six of them are here, piling into a van in a mess of rainbows and body glitter and Cash's sunscreen.

"You doing okay?" Henry asks Alex as they get a second, and Alex nods, rubbing his shoulder absently.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Great. We're back in Austin, and we get to go to pride with everyone; it's going to be great."

"It will be. We'll be okay, Alex. Promise."

Alex smiles, pulling Henry into a hug as they get downtown and the energy shifts. The parade meeting ground is hectic, but it's a contagiously electric energy, and Henry can feel the fear start to slowly drain out of them both. By the time they're on their float and moving, they're all a mess of massive grins and bigger cheers.

The parade itself is a blur, but a few things stand out. Henry sees two women with twin girls on their shoulders, one moving forward so her daughter can tip a drag queen. There are kids with pride flags painted on their faces showing their parents around, and there are queer people old enough to be their grandparents who get to celebrate like everyone else. But what stands out the most is the moment they approach the turn where everything fell apart last year. Alex tenses up a bit, and Henry moves closer to him on instinct. But then the others are there, too, crowding close as they turn the corner to see a sea of rainbow and be hit with a wall of cheers, accompanied by more sings than anywhere else on the route: "Austin strong, Austin proud!" "We love our first kids" "Alex I'm so f**king proud of you!" "Henry, Prince of my heart!"

Alex is crying as Henry hugs him, but he's laughing, too, and looking out over the crowd to be sure he doesn't miss a second of it. Henry sees Bea and June filming both sides of the street as Nora and Pez shout thank yous and throw pride flags into the crowd. Henry and Alex just soak it all in, holding each other and beaming into the crowd. Alex raises a fist, extending his pointer finger and pinky in a "hook 'em horns" salute, and Henry follows suit. The crowd cheers, mirroring them, and Alex whoops so loudly, Henry's sure it carries over to Louisiana just to spite anyone who might try to shut them up.

From the end of the parade route, it's a short walk to their last scheduled stop for the day. It's a gorgeous Victorian building in Central Austin, bought eleven months ago and newly renovated with the donations that flooded in after their catastrophe. They've got a ribbon cutting ceremony for the newest Okonjo Foundation youth shelter, located close to public transit and the University of Texas campus, and incredibly near and dear to both their hearts. They cut the ribbon together, each holding one handle of the oversized scissors and throwing the doors open together to welcome the staff inside. If it's anything like the other shelters, they'll have kids there by that night, and they'll most likely come back to welcome them in person.

Once the shelter's open, they and their friends get to just enjoy pride. They get sno cones and watch drag shows, and they meet up with Liam and Spencer for a bit, and really, it matters less what they do and more that they're doing it at all, surrounded by people who are celebrating their love.

Over dinner at Alex’s favorite Austin restaurant, they all curate instagram posts together. Henry has a few photos of himself and Alex at the ribbon cutting, captioned with a paragraph about how he's so proud of Alex, the foundation, and the city of Austin and how thankful he is to be able to be a part of something like this. Nora's got one of herself, June, and Pez, lipstick stains on both her cheeks, and Pez has one of the three of them sharing a massive rainbow sno cone and sticking out tongues dyed various different colors. June's post is a photo of herself and Alex, a caption about how she's infinitely proud of him and overjoyed to be celebrating in their hometown, and Bea has a similar post about Henry and how proud she is of him, accompanied by a photo of them together in front of the youth shelter.

Alex's post takes the longest, but eventually, he settles on a photo of himself and Henry from behind, "Hook 'em Horns" raised to an overjoyed crowd. It's followed by Bea's and June's videos of the crowd along that stretch and captioned, "a massive, Texas-sized thank you, Austin! Thank you for standing up to hate, and staying loud and proud, and for helping make a hard memory a million times better. Y'all have shown me and my family so much love, and I can't imagine a better city to come home to."

On AO3

Notes:

It's done! I did it! Now I need to do actual Real Life Work (research into queer history) (also job hunting) for like a week, but I've got a few requests to finish up once that's done! I should be back soon; my research is due the 6th :)

[literarynerd05]

Rant and Realizations

I’ve been sitting here, staring at the screen, trying to figure out how I want to start this. I haven’t blogged in such a long time. Instead, I have been keeping it all inside. I wanted to get back to text based role playing, but the group I found...sucked. I could not follow the posts at all, did not understand what story they were trying to show. Many of them did not even know how to role play in a text based format properly, and this group even had a teaching area where one could learn how to do so! And punctuation...I had to leave it because it was so bad. I liked doing text based role play because it kept me creative and helped me write more, but oh well. Maybe it is a good thing, it would be like going back in time in a way, since I primarily played when in high school. 

Life is hard right now. My PTSD is back and so is my border line personality disorder. I kept asking myself, “Why now? Why is all of this happening to me now?” I have PTSD inducing dreams and it feels like things that I have suppressed are starting to unlock. I talked to my therapist about it and she thinks it is probably because of the stress of how the world is right now. That sucks, but it makes sense. It just makes everything so much harder. I wake up after one of those dreams on the brink of an anxiety attack, having trouble breathing, shaking, a little paranoid. I have been wondering for years if I wanted to know what I have suppressed and now that some of it is coming out, I still do not know the answer to that question. Does knowing make my life easier? Does confronting my inner demons completely keep me from future pain from them? I honestly do not know. I do know that I am scared to have those memories come to the front, scared as to what was so painful that I have suppressed it. 

I keep trying to remember aspects of my childhood because I have suppressed so much of it. I see pictures of myself and I do not have the memory of when it is from. I remember before my mom moved and she and my dad were separated that I played in the medicine cabinet at his and his girlfriends house (the one with the boys that sexually abused me) and I had fun breaking open capsules and dumping into water. But that is where the memory stops. Did I get caught? Did I get in trouble? Why was that stuff where I could reach it anyway? Who was supposed to be watching me?  Basically, I have a snapshot of a moment, not the full memory. I remember when my mom came back from Ohio to pick up her stuff from our house on Beach street, but again, only a snapshot. I just remember that the truck had a hole in it and them loading stuff into it. Then there are the things that I remember but have no visual image of it. I know my dad and I went to Six Flags every summer, but I cannot see it in my mind. I know we got waffle cones before we left, but again, I do not have a visual. It is like my childhood was so traumatic that even my good memories have been hidden from me. I do want my good memories back but they could be so entangled in the bad ones that to have even the good ones, I have to take the bad. I guess that makes sense, take the good with the bad and all. 

The custody court stuff? Or maybe it was just the divorce stuff and the custody was part of it. Anyway, all I remember is I had to go talk to the judge alone and that during winter I believe, my mom and Kevin left me at a friends house to come to Illinois for court stuff. This is what has been really plaguing me lately. What exactly happened? Did the judge even have my mothers history of child abuse? Did I really want to go live there like is in my memory because I wanted to be near my big brother? Or was it really my moms idea and she talked me into believing it is what I wanted? I tried talking to my dad about all of this but he doesn’t remember, or says he doesn’t. I keep thinking that there has to be transcripts of this, somewhere. I have found the barest information on the divorce online, which could be where the custody was as well, the judges name  does sound vaguely familiar. But there is no information about dispositions or things like that. I hope that it is something that I will be able to see if I went in person, after all, it did concern me. Nothing comes up when I search my own name, which makes sense considering that I was a minor. I don’t know why all of a sudden I need to know, but I do. I want to know what all was said and what all happened. I also wonder if it is something that I will have to pay for? 

I hate that more than half of my life is a blur to me, a vague snapshot of what has transpired.

I came close to cutting but chose to start smoking again instead. I haven’t cut in 7 years. I do not even remember when I first did it and why I did it. I know why I did it later on but I do not know what happened to make me do it the first time. 

And I am so ANGRY lately. Angry at the world, angry at the President, angry at my mother. There is a pandemic going on with over 100,000 deaths and she has not checked in with her family. How can someone be so fucking selfish? How can she not care about her children, her mother, her sister enough to at least check in during this very scary time and be like hey, I am okay and I want to make sure you are okay. But she hasn’t. I know, I am not surprised, but I am angry. I will never understand my mother. I know she is sick, mentally. And I logically know that she will never be the mother that I want her to be. Hell, that I need her to be. It is just getting my emotions to understand that, that is where I am running into the problem. Logic is great but sometimes your heart does not understand logic. I see other people posting about how wonderful their mom is and I am so happy for them...but also jealous because I do not have that type of mom. Yes, I do have my Aunt Anne, who has been more of a mother to me than my mother ever has, but sometimes it isn’t the same. I just wish that I had a mother that actually cared. One that didn’t care more for her dog than her children like mine did growing up. One that I can call and talk to about anything and everything. One that hasn’t repeatedly abandoned me. One that does not make me feel like dirt, feel worthless and unlovable. One who celebrates my accomplishments instead of making me feel like nothing is ever good enough. No matter what I did, it was never good enough for her. Why was I never good enough? Why doesn’t she care? I wish...I wish I had an actual mother. It hurts so much that my own mother, the person who birthed me, does not want anything to do with me. Has never truly loved me....That one is the hardest to come to terms with. She has never truly loved anyone, even her children. How does one even process something like that? Where do I even begin? I guess my therapist and I have a place to start. I tend to avoid confronting my feelings about my mother. But...it is time that I start. I will not fully heal until I do. How can someone not love their children? Is this why I have never had a lasting relationship? Why I laugh at the thought of marriage and any kind of commitment? I am realizing quite a bit while writing this. Maybe I am holding onto D because I am afraid to move on...afraid to truly love someone and be loved back. Yeah, D loves me, but he is never going to be able to really admit it or embrace his feelings. Or even love me how I want him to. Maybe I am more in love with the idea of how we were versus still loving him. That is another one that is hard to confront, but I need to if I am ever going to move on fully. I can’t keep looking at the past and at what may have been. I can’t change him. I can’t change my mother. I know she will never be the mother that I want her to be. That I need her to be. I know D will never be the person that I have wanted him to be...that I hoped he would be. Once I start to heal, I need to find someone that actually loves me. That wants to be with me. That wants to be Leo to my Piper. Ben to my Leslie. Jim to my Pam. Luke to my Lorelai. Shawn to my Juliet. 

Realizing all of this is hard. But I can use this to help me move on. To help me become better. To love myself again. To find myself again. 

I am afraid to be completely open with someone because I have been hurt. I have been hurt by someone that is supposed to love me no matter what. How can I trust anyone else with all of me when my mother doesn’t love me? How can I be that vulnerable? That exposed? I feel like everything that I have realized while writing this is why I haven’t sat down to write in so long. 

With the pandemic, I live every day scared, sad, and angry because of all of the senseless deaths. Because our country is not doing what needs to be done. So many people are not understanding how serious this thing is. So many think that it infringes on their civil rights. What do we as Caucasian people know about civil rights? Wearing a mask does not infringe your civil rights, it protects OTHER PEOPLE in case you are infected and are asymptomatic, or even are infected and know and are still going out. The death toll was not even supposed to reach 80,000 until AUGUST. It happened at the beginning of May. Now, not even 30 days later we have hit over 100,000, the highest in the world. Other countries actually shut down and took this seriously so their numbers are nowhere near ours. But we have an imbecile in the oval office that likes to overstep his authority and cares more about himself and the election than the American people. And many people still DO NOT see this about him. He regularly has temper tantrums and storms off. If someone disagrees with him he tries to silence them. I am scared of where our country will be come November because we are not heading in a good direction. People are not social distancing...they are not wearing masks...Our president isn’t taking the pandemic seriously. Tells blatant lies and then gets mad when someone calls him on it. Even his own people. Checks and balances are in place for someone like him but because we are a two party system and his party is so afraid to cross him, he will not be held accountable for his actions and lack of inaction. Instead, this moron gets to run rampant and give the constitution a middle finger. 

Think about it for a minute. 100,000 deaths. That is the population of some cities. That is a number we should never have reached. We need to take a minute...stop and think about the people we have lost. Think about what needs to be done to prevent more deaths. What can we do to slow this thing? We need to have concern for someone other than ourselves! Care about the consequences of your actions on other people! We are the most selfish country only thinking about oneself. 

All of this does not help my depression. But I have to watch a bit of what is going on every day so that I am informed. It honestly makes me cry. When I watched a news clip after we reached 100,000 deaths, I cried. For them, for our country, for those that may come next. 

[jorlith]

You know, I really hate that I can’t art, neither digital or on paper, because I have an idea for a new hero, and I really love it, and wish I could art. Anyway this will be a long post as it covers a lot for this hero, if you’re interested and keep reading, I thank you. 

Hero # ?

Hero Name: Phoenix

Real name: Kekoa Havika

Originally from: Hawaii, USA

Age: 36

Gender: Male, Cis. 

Hero Type: Defense

Weapon: Flamethrower that has two special tanks on the back. Primary muzzle is held in right hand, top of tanks resembles canons. Two exhausts that are shaped like feathered wings stick out of the middle of the tanks. When used too much, overheats and needs to cool down before it can be used again. 

Abilities:

Primary Fire: Fires a stream of fire that deals decent damage, shoots out a set distance from Phoenix, moves with Phoenix. Phoenix’s movements are slowed while he fires. Primary fire causes overheat. 

Secondary Fire: Focuses flame into a beam like attack, which causes high damage, Phoenix’s movements slowed greatly while using. Secondary Fire almost immediately causes overheat, works similar to McCree’s fan the hammer. Overheat lasts slightly longer after use of Secondary Fire. 

First Ability: Flare: When using this Phoenix says: “Here, hold this.” Throws a small item that launches itself slightly into the air once it makes contact with the ground. Once activated it produces a cone of flames in a small radius, dealing damage to enemies caught in it or who walk into it. Medium cool down.

Second Ability: Burst: When using Phoenix says: “Back Off!” Steam and pressure builds in the weapons exhaust, which is released, creating a small burst. This burst travels in all directions around Phoenix. All enemies hit by are are knocked backwards, deals low damage, medium cool down. 

Passive Ability: Phoenix Wing: While in the air, if you press the jump button, fire is released from the exhaust wings, giving you a second jump. Cannot be used again until after you touch the ground (Like Genji’s double jump). While in the air, if you hold the jump button, steam is released from the exhaust wings, making you fall at a slower rate. 

Ultimate: Purge: Teammates hear Phoenix say: “Rise from the ashes!” Enemies hear Phoenix say: “Ka nalu o ke ahi!” Phoenix anchors his flamethrower, bracing him in place, the tanks on his back turn over his shoulders, releasing a wave of fire forward. Phoenix cannot move while using Purge, leaving his back exposed, as well as being exposed to aerial attacks. Purge deals high damage to any enemies caught in it, good for clearing points/areas. Can be used to help protect your team while caught in Zarya’s Graviton Surge. Instantly cancels out Mei’s blizzard, as well is instantly cancelled out by Mei’s blizzard. Both ultimates stop immediately, regardless of how much time remained on the first one used.  

Skins: 

Classic: Phoenix wears a gas mask over his nose and mouth, the mask is shaped like a beak. Wears armor over a long sleeved shirt, the armor to support the weight of his flamethrower, the sleeved shirt to protect him against heat. A large glove is worn on his right hand, so he can hold his weapon when it overheats. Armored leggings and boots to also help him support the weight of his weapon. His armor and clothes are a faded red and orange, representing fire as well as a Phoenix. 

Rare Skins: 

Ash: Armor and clothes are white. 

Smoke: Armor and clothes are a mixture of silvers and greys. 

Smolder (or coal, not sure on a name yet.): Black with a red glow. 

Sulfur: Different shades of blue. 

Legendary Skins: 

Cadet Havika: Phoenix is wearing a classic Overwatch uniform/armor, his face is fully visible. 

Secret Agent: Recolor of Cadet Havika, with darker colors. 

Epic Skins: 

Phoenix: Phoenix is wearing a headdress that represents the mythological bird, his mouth and nosed are uncovered with this skin. Multiple feathers run down from the headdress, covering his body in feathers. Has gauntlets and armored boots that represent bird talons. Skin is colored mostly with reds and some oranges and yellows. 

Sun God: Recolor of Phoenix skin that is colored with mostly yellow and has some oranges and reds. Orange suns are drawn on random locations of the armor. 

Fire Dancer: Phoenix is wearing a grass skirt over a tunic, as well as grass like boots and bracelets. A bandanna that appears to be made of grass rests on his head, as well as a necklace of grass around his neck. Grass is dark green in color, tunic is gold. 

Uluao: Recolor of Fire dancer, grass is brownish is color, tunic is white with black spots. 

Emotes:

Heroic: Phoenix pulls left arm toward his body, and raises up his flamethrower. 

Exhausted: Phoenix lays down on his back, sprawling out. 

Really?: Phoenix extends left hand forward, looks to his left, confused. Phoenix then looks forward again, extending his hand further. ‘

Research: Phoenix takes out notepad and begins writing in it, before putting it back. 

Technique: Phoenix spins in a circle, making a circle of flames, he then jumps and spins in the air, making a vertical wheel of fire. 

Unbelievable: Phoenix puts his right hand to his forehead and wraps his left arm around his chest. Phoenix then shakes his head and snickers. 

Voice Lines:

Really?

Everything Burns

From the Ash (Mai ka lehu)

I will get it done. 

It’s just research

Light it up!

Move (Ne’e)

Play with fire… you’ll get burned

Relax  (Ho’omaha) 

Sounds Good (Maika’i loa)

Victory Poses: 

Heroic: Stands with his flamethrower ready. 

Research: Sits crossed legged, reading over notes. 

Purge: Stands with his flamethrower’s canons aimed forward, anchored in the ground. 

Family: Standing to his side, holding a holo-photo of him, his parents and his brother. 

Highlight Intros: 

Heroic: Pulls left arm toward his body, raises his flamethrower up. 

Reason: Looks at picture of family, before putting it away, pulling flamethrower to the ready. 

Burn: Lands on ground from air, anchors into place and activates Purge. 

Phoenix: Uses his exhaust wings to slowly fly toward the ground, aiming his flamethrower at the camera. 

Sprays:

       Pixel: Unlocked by earning the “Into the Frying Pan” Achievement/Trophy.

       Cute: Unlocked by earning the “From the Ashes” Achievement/Trophy.

       Lei: Circle of flowers or an Hawaiian Lei

     Research: Single page of research notes

      Amazed: Young Kekoa, sitting in front of a television screen, wonder on his face.

       Flame: A single flame.

      Birds: A group of colorful birds.

      Flamethrower: Spray is Phoenix’s weapon.

      Intense: Focus of Phoenix’s head/torso, with him staring forward.

   Hero: Outline spray of Phoenix is overwatch gear.

   Family: Picture of Phoenix’s family.

  Flare: Cartoonish drawing of his flare.

  Exhaust: Phoenix’s “wings” releasing pressure.

   Clearing: Detailed Spray of Phoenix spraying fire.

   Phoenix: Bird made of flame.

   Experimenting: Phoenix wearing goggles, using a blow torch.

   Purge: Phoenix’s flamethrower in it’s purge state.

   Volcano: A volcano with magma spilling out of it.

 Ash: A pile of ash with a soft glow in the middle.

   Really?: Phoenix with his hand extended, a confused expression on his face.

   Not a Morning Person: Phoenix is laying in a bed, sprawled out and asleep.

   Declaration: A Poster of Doomfist, that is half burnt, and still burning.

   Inspiration: A signed picture of Mercy, Mei and Winston.

   Reason: Three gravestones.

.  Fire Staff: A burning staff used by fire dancers.

Character Interactions:

Mei: “I     heard what Talon did, I’m sorry about your family.” Phoenix: “I heard     about Antarctica, I’m sorry about yours.” 

Phoenix:     “It is an honor to work with someone who has done so much for the world.”     Mei: “You’ve done plenty to help the world yourself!” 

Phoenix: “Genji     is right, you can still make a difference.” Hanzo: “You know     nothing!” 

Reaper: “Why     hate Doomfist, I killed your family.” Phoenix: “Doomfist killed my     family, you are nothing more than a puppet on strings.” 

Doomfist: “We     both believe in being reborn through destruction, we should be working     together.” Phoenix: “What I believe is natural, what you believe is     evil.” 

Phoenix: “You     better watch your back!” Doomfist: “I accept the challenge!” 

When discorded: “Kuamuamu!” 

When resurrected: “Phoenix rebirth!” 

When Phoenix kills Mei, he says: “It should’ve never come to this” 

When Mei kills Phoenix, she says: “Maybe you’ll be born anew” 

When Phoenix uses Purge to cancel Blizzard, he says: “Let’s heat things up!” 

When Mei uses Blizzard to cancel Purge, she says: “You need to chill out!” 

When Phoenix kills Doomfist, Phoenix says: “That, was for my family!” 

When Doomfist kills Phoenix, Doomfist says: “You were never a real threat.” 

When Reaper kills Phoenix, Reaper says: “Go join your family.” 

When Phoenix gets Nano Boost he shouts: “You’ll all burn!” 

When Phoenix gets hacked: “Don’t play with fire!” 

Enemy Turret: “A turret block our progress.”

When destroying a turret: “The turret is merely ash.”

Teleporter: “A Teleporter is helping with rebirth.”

Shield Generator: “The enemy team seems to have shield assistance!”

When locating Teleporter/Shield Generator: “Teleporter/Shield Generator discovered.”

After destroying a teleporter/Shield Generator: “Teleporter/Shield Generator has burned up.”

When on the payload: “Payload ready for transport.”

When Payload is contested: “We need to get the payload on its way!”

When capturing the objective: “Heating up the point!”

When the enemy is capturing the point: “They’re on our point, let’s burn them back!”

When time is running out on payload escort: “Our time seems to be coming to close, we must act fast!”

When time is running out on offense: “This victory will make for excellent data.”

When time is running out on defense: “We’re not here to lose, move!”

Ways Phoenix says hello: either “aloha” or “hey there” 

Ways Phoenix says Thank you: “Appreciated” or “Mahalo!”

When Phoenix says understood: either “I get you” or “Ua lohe wai ia’oe” 

When on fire Phoenix says: “I’m on fire… well, they are!”

When asks for healing says: “Medic!” or “Some healing would be appreciated!”

Ultimate Status: “Ultimate is charging/almost ready/ready!” “Purge is charging/almost ready.” “Ready to Burn them all!”

When saying group up: “Everyone gather here” or “We need to form together!”

When Phoenix was selected before the match: “We shall be reborn through the flame.”

When you switch to Phoenix: “Phoenix is here” or “Someone call for some heat?”  

When respawns says: “My flame will not go out.” or “I’m not done yet!” 

Map Interactions: 

Volskaya Industries: “Good thing I brought some heat.”

Eichenwalde: “This place is a great example of withstanding what should destroy you.” 

Oasis: “I’ve always wanted to come here.” 

Watchpoint Gibraltar: “I wonder if Overwatch would ever accept what I’ve become.” 

Trophies/Achievements: 

Into the frying pan: Use Burst to knock an enemy into an active Flare. 

From the Ashes: Get four or more eliminations with a single use of Phoenix’s Purge. 

Lore: 

Kekoa Havika grew up in a family of researches, growing up he was fascinated by the way some natural disasters, like forest fires, created new life. Kekoa spent a good amount of time studying rebirth through destruction, but only believed it should be allowed if natural. Kekoa had a great mind, and was good with technology. He had an energetic and carefree personality and joined Overwatch when he was in his twenties. He trained underneath Lena and Genji, while he looked up to researches like Mei, Angela, Moira and others. Kekoa had a great admiration for Mei and the ecopoint crew, hoping to one day do research at ecopoint. When Overwatch was disbanded, Kekoa went back to live with his family. The government was having his family research something that could benefit the unity between the omnics and humans. Talon had managed to gain Kekoa’s home address, and sent their agent Reaper to kill the researchers and steal the research. Reaper had happily taken the job as Overwatch Hero code name Phoenix was on his personal hit list. Kekoa was away from his lab doing personal research when Reaper arrived. Kekoa returned home to find his parents and younger brother murdered, all their research either stolen or destroyed. Upon watching the security footage Kekoa learned who was responsible for the death of his family. Kekoa vowed to destroy Talon and stop anyone from doing what Talon had done. 

Character Introduction: 

Phoenix: “Crime has risen, which shouldn’t be a surprise, given what they did to Overwatch. They disbanded our family, and yet they wonder how organizations like Talon grew to be so powerful. Of course evil people will take advantage of a world that lost its heros! Which leaves a question, the people in charge of the world, how many of them can truly be trusted? I got your message Winston, and I agree, somebody has to do something. However, what needs to be done can’t be done the way Overwatch does things. I left my badge on my mother’s grave, I can never return. I will kill Doomfist myself, and go after anyone who wants to do wrong to the world. I will make sure that what happened to my family will never happen to anyone else ever again! Talon thought they snuffed the Havika flame, well, didn’t they know, a Phoenix rises from the ashes!