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#so she's kinda just depressed most of the time
p1ssyhorroz · 24 days
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Jessa becouse yeah.... y'all fw this or nah... becouse I've been feeling yuriful lately...
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syrasenturi · 1 year
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scribbly amphibbies
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bonus christmas garfapillar
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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...
#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol#unrelated
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stillcominback · 6 months
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🎀 🎀 🎀
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orcelito · 2 months
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It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.
But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like
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.... OK yea maybe I have some problems
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Also this one 😂😂😂
#speculation nation#it's ok i am now in therapy and we have weekly appointments set up#i havent always had the best experiences with therapy. and by that i mean it has never really been helpful to me#mostly tho bc it's been depression therapists. and i dont actually have depression.#what i DO have is trauma! and barely managed adhd and fibromyalgia.#and especially grief trauma in the past 5 years. oh God do i have grief trauma.#but i searched Specifically for a grief therapist with this. so she should be equipped to properly help me.#ive managed to reach an okay place regarding my old traumas. but this stuff. man it's hard.#i pushed myself to a near panic attack the other day upon realizing the painting i have is an authentic lithograph#& the realization that i am carrying the mantle of several generations of my family now.#most of the generations above me are now dead. so it's up to us to carry on their memories#and i am The One who is unapologetically incredibly tacky. up to me to carry that legacy.#it's pressure. weight that i didnt want. but i dont want to ignore it bc i dont want them to be forgotten.#so im hoping that with therapy. she can help me sort things out so it's less... difficult.#help me remember them without being paralyzed with panic and dread.#and maybe help me with my death paranoia...? 😅 i dont like feeling like anyone in my life could die at any time.#inevitable after my uncle died with only a month's warning and my dad died with barely more than a day's warning.#idk. for someone whose will to live comes from the people i love. it's rather paralyzing.#just gotta cling to the people i have left. and hold them dear.#negative/#kinda but not really. tagging just in case considering the subject matter.#idk im just trying to sort things out. no one goes through this many sudden deaths without a severe complex over it.#but. im in therapy now. and im trying. i am.
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binnie · 4 months
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you guys.... i'm going down a spiral and I need advice
#my best friend (my favourite person in the world) has been acting kinda distant lately#she's been struggling with depression so I figured she just needed some space#we still talk on instagram every day and send each other reels all the time#but lately I just feel like she's gonna abandon me...#she's growing up and has a job and a boyfriend and is doing well for herself#meanwhile i'm a failure lmao i flunked twice and am still in uni and barely surviving this school year with absoltely no (...)#(...) prospects and hope for the future. on top of that i'm a depedent clingy selfish useless jealous baby#she deserves better than me and she's bound to realize that so i'm not surprised this is happening. but it still hurts.#last night she sent me a message on ig saying she missed me but deleted it immediatly so i didn't have time to respond#which most likely means she meant to send it someone else and sent it to me by mistake#which means she doesn't miss me at all (she could have just kept the message and it'd be no trouble#but the fact she deleted it so quickly without a second thought just means she doesn't care about me#we haven't seen each other in a month so that hurts#i panicked and “replied” saying i missed her too but she left me on read#now she's sending me reels but I can't bring myself to even open our chat because it just hurts#I wish we could just cut the chord and end the friendship at once instead of having me slowly watch it crumble#i hate this#i'm so sad#i'm gonna be all alone#i'm completely isolated from everyone and it's my fault for depending on her so much#it hurts so much I don't even want to see her#i don't know what to do
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ajarofpickledtears · 8 months
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it's so difficult to get stuff done when i still am daily having to actively resist the urge to sleep all day
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Bee and puppycat lazy in space I love you so so much it's not even funny
#ramblings of a lunatic#decided to rewatch it again bc the toh finale has had me in a tizzy and while I'm getting better#it's definitely been hard just floating about in fandom space knowing that the show is ending and that in the scenario we do get more of it#in another form ofc#it won't be for a long time yknow?#it's saddening and back in September when i was uh. Very Sad bapc was really there for me#i was out here ardently defending the netflix series' writing bc i genuinely thought it was really good#and i still do#but more than that this show is intensely comforting in a way i can't really place/describe#it's a magical girl show. it's a workplace comedy. 99% of the cast is 25 years or older. its a coming of age story.#it's has pastel and lo-fi art direction. it's cosmic horror. the main character is so caring and yet so selfish and also autistic#and a robot#all of her romantic relationships are intensely weird and frankly are her least interesting dynamics#her most interesting dynamics are with her roomate/pet who's actually a space pirate cursed to look like a marketable plushy#and with her 8 year old landlord who's mom was childhood best friends with her dad making them family in a sense#except they're not really. also they're foils (she's an immature adult he's a kid who tries to be more responsible than he is)#it's filled with intense melancholy and multiple characters suffer from un-talked about depression#it is one of the cutest and brightest shows i have ever seen (in a non-obnoxious or technicolor way) and has an intense air of whimsy#it kinda has a fandom but not a big one despite having an undeniable impact in online animation culture and a bit on online culture overall#I'm not captivated by it in a fandom-y sense but i am obsessed with it. it's like wuthering heights to me#i love this show
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fagtainsparklez · 2 years
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my other cousins are getting here soon i think, which i am actually extremely excited for, because i’m like 70% sure their parents (or at least their mom) is somewhat transphobic. last time we were here her oldest still deadnamed me and called me his female cousin (there’s a difference of gender in portugese), and when i confronted his parents on it, they explained that it was “too hard to explain it to him since he knew me pre-transition” despite my other cousin, who was the same age as him (aka like, 3) had no problem. he didn’t know me pre-transition. he was 2. he can’t remember shit from back then.
anyways they have another son, who i only met when he was less than a year old or so. so i’m super excited to see if they pull the same bullshit again. uh-huh, i get it. you can’t explain that i’m a boy because your six-month-old remembers me when i wasn’t. except he doesn’t because i’d already started transitioning when i met him. it’d also be especially funny because i’m so far in my transition now. yeah, i’m sure that explaining why his supposedly “female” cousin has a deep voice and facial hair is a lot easier than explaining trans people, susan.
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yuribalisms · 2 years
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Okay I think I’ve figured out why I’m having such a hard time right now especially and it is…. not fun
#I just need to vent if anyone reads this I just wanna stress that I am fine#well…. not Fine obviously but like I’m not gonna Do anything so…. yeah#anyways#I haven’t been suicidal since I lived with my mom#most of my time in high school I was high key suicidal and those were the times I was actively engaging in various forms of self harm#and was actually going to attempt one day and the only reason I didn’t was because my family came home early#and one of the things that got me through all of that was telling myself I only felt that way because of everything my family put me through#that after I moved out and didn’t have to live with my mother or put up with whatever guy she was with at the time#or parent five little kids that I didn’t sign up for#and then I wouldn’t hate life I would be okay and I would be happy#I left at 17 and other than a few months at the start of Covid I have not had to stay with them for an extended period of time#and I HAVENT been suicidal at any point that I haven’t lived with them#so in a way I was right I was only that way because of them I wasn’t fucked up I was fine it was just THEM#I wasn’t going to have to live this way forever#except now…. I feel very suicidal again#and it’s just kinda sinking in ‘oh…. it’s not just my family I AM just fucked up and stuck this way’#I’m never gonna Not be this way it could always come back no matter how okay I am#my family isn’t the only trigger that causes it and I…. don’t know what to do with that#like yeah the abuse they put me through for years is probably the main culprit#and I get anxiety and depression from my mom AND dad#I know my mom tried to commit at least once and was hospitalized over it#she’s never pursued actual treatment for it tho#my dad does and like actually acknowledges it but idk the point is I had higher probability of ending up this way cuz of genetic factors#and then…. yeah everything I grew up with didn’t help#but getting away from all of it…. didn’t fix it…. and I just Am this way#and I don’t want/can’t accept that#except I’m gonna have to or I know I can’t actually… get better#it’s fine….. I mean it’s not but like what can I really do it’s…. ugh#I’m tired of being alive but I’m MORE tired of being tired of being alive I just wanna LIVE but feel like I can’t#kaz rambles
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today was such a good morning u know. i had slept. GOOD NIGHT SLEEP N ALL. i even got up and got breakfast for me n my mom. I ATE. I CLEANED THE DISHES I USED. i even changed out of the shirt i was wearing for over a week! very productive. wait omg i forgot to mention. I ACTUALLY REALLY HAD PUT MOMS CLOTHS THAT WERE DONE IN THE WASHING MACHINE IN THE DRYER. I have to say. forgetting everything else, this is such a phenomenal act for me. it’s like fcking idk a meodorite fallen down. ITS A REALLY BIG THING. doing that is soooo hard for me. and i always have an immediate ‘no’ body reaction to the whole act but i didnt just fall into it. i like. toook a moment, you know and actually accessed it. and ! literally tho if mom told me i had to put some clothes in the dryer that would have been too much for me
BUT
anyways. i literally fcking did it. fcking hells
ANYWAYS it really was such a good morning day you know. baby steps!!!! and yeah u know i really do know that i dont do enough as i should etc. i really do know. its just really frustating how my mom doesnt see anything of this tho. yeah she needed someone to go n get the glasses and im really sorry for her but going outside was literally too much of a hurdle for me to just do. especially on short notice. like. really. my mind cant even think of trying it. visualling it
#mostly really im sad its so tiring n exhausting every time my mom lectures me on how much im not doing as if i dont know that i really do#i cant even say anything to her or try to explain what it’s like#because she really believes i just need to have the mentality. i just need to try#she never fails in these never ending lectures to word out EVERYTHNG like literally. its so fcking exhausting#and she wonders why i get sooo silent why im sooo uncooperative and translates that into im a lazy ass n dont care#n u know what. frankly dont care that she does#honestly every time i hear these lectures it makes me NOT want to try at all. even harder. goddamn it#its kinda crazy with me and my mom because we are SO diff and she doesnt understand me one bit at all#like she despite chronic pain etc does so much#while she sees me barely doing shit and of course thinks im lazy/dont care#and most baffling thing: IM making myself depressed??? this thing that she says really infuriates me so bad#like why the fck r u on about. what the fck do u mean making self depressed. im so mad because shes wrong on so many levels#idk if im depressed. mild? yes i think so anyways what the fck#the fact she believes that people MAKE THEMSLEVES DEPRESSED AS IF THEY WANT TO is so ma#like shut up im not eating for an entire day because i want to do that its cuz i cant eat foods my brain decides it doesnt want to#and i cant cook for shit cooking requires so much time to procress it first and the actual cooking requires so much energy and there are#steps i dont even know.#like fck u#anyways. yeah. really i get where shes coming from but every fcking time she starts on those lectures i really really dont want to do a fck#ng thing NOT AT ALL#like honestly. a part of me dies every time i hear a lecture and have to sufffer thro it cuz i fcking cant get her to shut up and yeah i ge#her frustating very valid#but fcking hells. im so tired n done at this point#like might as well be a fcking lazy shitass as she says
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kingtomura · 2 months
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Cat and mouse
synopsis: Your ex boyfriend has some nerve texting you at three in the morning — an entire week after the disaster breakup you had. You should really go over there and give him a piece of your mind. Well, you know what they say about famous last words.  wc: 6.1k | crossposted to ao3 content: tomura shigaraki x female reader, no quirks au, toxic tomura, reader is kinda toxic too tbh, unhealthy relationships, breaking up and making up, vaginal fingering, overstim, breeding kink, piv, dubcon creampie, degredation, threats of baby trapping, hurt/comfort, sweet at the end idc
You’ve told your friends time and time again to stay out of your business. They never listen. 
“Oh my god, Kirishima? Is he even twenty yet?” You drag as you watch your friend flip through several pictures of the redheaded boy like he was a member of the bachelor. 
She smiles, scrolling her phone for more options, “no, but he will be in a couple of months!”
“No!” Your words are sharp. You love Mina but god, you don’t want her to play matchmaker with you. It’s not like you’re a charity case or something. 
She gasps and you swear you could see the lightbulb go off above her head. “What about Denki? He’s fun!” 
You groan, falling back onto the bed and covering your eyes with your arm. “Mina.” 
“Hey, just give her a break okay? It’s only been about a week.” Your saving grace Yaoyorozu speaks up and it’s nice to finally have someone on your side. 
“Thank you.”
“Seriously? So we’re just going to sit around and watch you mope about all day?” Mina questions, irritation clear in her voice and it grates your ears.  
“Preferably, yes! Just let me be.” You roll over, face officially shoved into your pillow. It’s been a rough couple of days and you haven’t gotten a single call or text from Tomura. Not that you should be expecting one. You broke up with him after all. 
It’s just.. this time feels different. Usually there’s more arguing and he’s fighting for you to stay around, but this time there was nothing. No quips, no insults, just “fine, get out then.”
That hurt the most. 
You had no idea what he was up to. 
Maybe he was as depressed as you were. 
Maybe he’s found someone else. 
The thought makes you stop in your tracks. The idea of Tomura, your tomura with someone else is enough to make you nauseous. 
You jump to your feet and rush to the bathroom, locking yourself in and falling to your knees. 
God, what if that was why it was so easy?
You pull out your phone, the device lighting up and unlocking with your facial id. 
Tomura doesn’t use social media much but you could still check to see if he’d blocked you. 
To your surprise, he hadn’t. 
He hasn't posted anything either and there’s no new person in his followers. 
You feel yourself exhale a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. No change is a good thing. 
There’s knocking on the door and you thank the stars you locked it. Your friends would judge you so hard if they saw you lurking through your ex’s social media. 
“Hey, are you okay in there?” It’s your saving grace Yaoyorozu again and you almost feel bad for shutting her out. 
“Yeah, I’m sorry if it feels like I pressured you! I’ll give you some space.” Mina's regretful voice calls and it makes your heart clench. You know she means well but she just doesn’t understand. None of them do. 
Whether you want to admit it or not, you love Tomura. 
Yes, you argue and yes, you fight, but he just gets you. He’s so cynical, but so caring — in his own special way. Too bad he was such an asshole. The argument wasn’t even supposed to go that far. 
There are tears beginning to blur your vision and you wipe them away, willing the feelings down and standing to your feet. 
If he wanted you to stay away, then fine. You could do that. 
You splash cool water onto your face and take a breath, steeling yourself and getting ready to face your friend once more. It was Saturday and they were convinced you needed a fun girl’s night.
It takes a lot to refrain from cringing at the phrase, but you believe they held some truth with the idea. You definitely didn’t want to be alone right now.
You unlock the bathroom door, meeting Mina and Yaoyorozu’s worried expressions with a smile. 
“We should probably get ready now, huh?”
Mina’s eyes light up, smile blinding and excitement contagious.
“Yes! Jirou and the others are here now.” She starts to clap, excitement buzzing around her, “Girl’s night is going to be amazing!” 
—-
Girl’s night was a bust.
The moment everyone arrived the apartment quickly filled with chaos. Noisy and busy, it was all giving you a headache. Until someone decided it would be a good idea to pregame before going out.
In preparation for the night your friend’s insisted that you get dolled up, hair makeup and skimpy clothes you wouldn’t look twice at on any normal day. 
You had to admit it made you a little more excited to get out and at least feel like your world isn't crashing around you. It was supposed to be a fun little night out. Somehow one drink turned into two, which turned into three which turned into Mina swearing she could beat everyone in a dance battle. 
The group only got more riled up as everyone indulged in this silly challenge. 
One challenge leads to another, which leads to more drinking, which then ends in everyone being too drunk to function and knocking out — all laid out in odd places around your living room floor and couch. 
The groggy feeling came first, your arms radiating in dull pain as you vaguely recalled trying to beat Mina in a contest of who could do the most push ups. It sure as hell wasn't you, but the drunk version of you thought it was possible to move mountains. 
You blink a few times, trying to will your eyes to rapidly adjust to the darkness of the room and find out what this odd buzzing noise beside you had been. Turning over, you find your phone, squinting as the too bright screen lights up your face and you see that it is three a.m.
You had fallen asleep with everyone else.
The phone buzzes again, lighting up and you have to squint further to read the contact name.
Tomura. 
Your eyes widen as you scan over the three texts he’s sent you. 
Wasting no time, you rush to your feet and into the bathroom so you can look at your phone without the chance of prying eyes overlooking your shoulder. Even though they were probably going to be out until late morning.
Tomura’s messages were short, no paragraphs, no essays but three different messages sent in succession. 
When are you coming to get your shit?
I’m tired of waiting.
And I’m deleting our farm btw. 
The first two messages don’t get much of a reaction from you, especially since it’s three a.m and he knows you’re usually asleep around this time. 
But the third message…
Your Stardew Valley farm that you’ve had and worked on together for almost two years being put on the line and threatened? What the fuck was his problem?
This farm was a constant in your relationship. Throughout the ups and downs and back and forths. You were sure that hell would freeze over before you both would give up that progress. But here he is, threatening you while you would have been asleep. What an asshole.
Your feet are moving before your brain can stop them and you make your way to the front door. Since your friends were all passed out it would be easy to sneak over to Shigaraki’s place, give him a piece of your mind and then sneak back. In and out, quick and easy. 
Your decision is made and you grab your coat, deciding to just go over there as you are. You hadn’t changed out of your outfit that was supposed to be for the night out, but it didn’t matter. You only needed to get over there and get there fast.
Once you arrive at Tomura’s doorstep you waste no time knocking. It’s around three in the morning so he should still very much be awake. 
There's a chill in the air as you wait for his answer and you wrap your jacket closer to your body. A rumble of thunder caught your attention and it's then you notice the rain clouds rolling in. You knew it would only be a matter of time before the bottom of the sky falls out and rain drenches everything. You were on borrowed time if you wanted to make it back before then.
After what feels like forever the door finally opens, revealing a very cozy pajama-clad Tomura, who seemed a little too pleased for his own good — if that sly smile he was doing a bad job at hiding was anything to go by. 
You don't give him a chance to greet you or say anything for that matter, stopping his words in their tracks as you cut him off. “What do you want?”
He doesn’t bother hiding his smirk now, the expression making your fists clench and your anger boil. “What do I want? You’re at my door, in front of my apartment.” He scoffs, clearly getting the exact reaction he had wanted from you, “I should be asking what do you want?” 
Caught like a deer in headlights. Whatever, you don't let that stop you as you pull out your phone to show him his text. “You sent this, I know you’re bluffing. What do you want?”
Tomura shrugs, leaning against his door frame and giving you a pleased look. Expression relaxed and content. Not a care in the world. “To talk.”
“Well, I'm here now, so let’s talk.” You spit, crossing your arms and waiting for whatever else he would throw at you. 
“Sure, but you should come in first.” He starts, looking up towards the darkened sky, confirming his assessment. “It’s gonna rain soon, you know.”
Of course you knew that. 
You just didn’t want to give him more time than you had. But you agree and go in, ignoring the fighting feeling in the back of your mind screaming at you to turn away and hightail it out of there. 
Tomura’s home is the exact way it was the day you left, give or take a few more containers of takeout littered around the place. You have half a mind to scold him about it, but quickly remember that it isn’t your place to do that anymore. 
So instead you stay quiet, following him into the apartment and into the living room. Opting to stand as he sat, and resisted the urge to get comfortable. 
“So, what do you want to talk about?” You try, done watching him pick up a controller and boot up a video game. Seriously? 
Your patience was wearing thin now as you watched him ignore you to play some stupid game. You try calling to him again, knowing this was probably a waste of your time and groans.
“I was in the middle of something before you got here. Let me finish and we’ll talk.” It's flippant the way he waves you off and continues the game. The lack of care only hurting your feelings further and making you realize this may have all been a big mistake on your part.
You shouldn’t be at your ex boyfriend’s house being ignored. You should be at your house getting drunk and hanging out with your best friends. There was no reason to stay somewhere you’re obviously not valued.
It’s a simple choice when you put it into perspective. 
But things are always easier said than done. 
You sigh, the air puffing out your cheeks, a bad habit you had when angry, and walk right in front of Tomura’s TV. There was more satisfaction in making him lose the game and then announcing your departure than just leaving quietly. 
He cranes his neck to see around you, but it doesn’t work, finally giving up as his character inevitably dies. “What!?”
“I’m leaving!” You announced, turning on your heel and heading towards the front door.
“You had to make me lose first? I said I was almost done!” He spat back, rising from the couch to follow you.
You shrug, “I don’t care. Why invite me in if you’re just going to ignore me?”
“Didn’t think you had the patience of a child.'' Tomura stands in front of you, cutting through your path and stopping you in your tracks.
It's almost comical the way he insults you. “Okay pot, meet kettle.” You try to brush past him, but he side steps with you. 
“What are you dressed like that for anyway? Did you go out tonight or something?”
“No!” You deny, a little louder than intended and then pause. “But it’s none of your business what I do anyway.”
Tomura hums at this, taking the words in and running them through his mind as he gives you a once over, eyes scanning from the too-tight shirt you wore — showing a generous amount of cleavage, down to your mini skirt that left little to the imagination. 
“Could've fooled me.”
“What do you mean by that?” You hate when he gives you cryptic answers, like it’s impossible to pry into his mind to see what he was thinking at the moment. 
“You knew you were coming to see me so I dont get why you're wearing that skimpy shit. Unless you wanted me to check you out.”
“Not everything is about you, Tomura. Maybe I just wanted to dress up and look nice.”
“Bullshit—”
“God, Tomura you always fucking do this!” You yell, walking right up into his face. The excitement in his scarlet eyes sends a chill up your spin, but you can’t back down. 
He gets closer, matching your tone and you can still see the grin he’s trying to hide. It makes you see red. “Do what? Tell you the truth? You know I’m not wrong.”
“Yeah, you think you know everything, but you don’t. I’m dressed up because I want to be, not because of you.” You’re insisting at this point, frustration threatening to tip over and spill out into the form of another pointless argument. Why did you think you could actually come over and have a decent conversation with him?
Tomura is a master at getting under your skin and hitting where it hurts. In all of your arguments he’s never really pulled out the big shots but you wouldn’t put it past him to do so now. 
“Oh, so you come over to my place dressed like a slut and you expect me to believe you don’t have some hidden motive?”
And there it is.
Your last straw. He could be so egotistical and mean — you’ve had it. 
You regret it the moment you do it, but your body moves before your brain can process your actions. You push Tomura. Hard. 
He doesn’t fall back far but you know it’s enough to piss him off. And he’s never been one to hold anything back, so he shoves you back and your back hits the wall. 
Tomura has you pinned before you know it and there’s a thrill that runs through your body in a way you know you shouldn’t be feeling. Your knees feel weak for reasons that are not related to fear and your panties were gradually becoming more wet. 
His voice is low and his eyes are narrowed as he pins you against the wall, pressing your cheeks together with his other hand. “You’re really starting to piss me off.”
You have to bite back a smile, knowing this has taken a turn and you aren’t strong enough to stop where it’s going. Not that you would want to. 
“Oh yeah? If I piss you off so badly then why are you hard?”
He doesn’t look down. He can feel his own arousal just as well as you can while it’s pressed against your abdomen. 
Tomura pushes off of you — maintaining some distance as he turns away. 
“You’re fucking annoying.”
“Sure am.” You supply, chipper and certain as you trail behind him. 
He’s walking further into the apartment, and you follow. Legs moving on their own accord as you go further into the lion's den, exchanging quips and insults. You jab your finger into his shoulder, bothered by the way he continues to ignore you, it's a pathetic attempt at catching his attention and it works. Kind of. 
The only response being him slapping your hand away with a glare and muttering a soft fuck off as he walked on. 
You both went back and forth. Like the sun and moon, you just can’t stay away from each other.  
It was how these things usually went between you and Tomura. He would start up, make a petty argument and you would never back down. Tomura is someone who was used to getting his way and others simply did what he said with no objections. 
But that was not how you were.
And he loved it.
You knew by the way he would get that devious glimmer in his eye when you would challenge a point, starting up a debate. Sometimes they were heated enough to make you both break up. It never lasted more than a few days. A week being the longest.
Push and pull. 
Tomura made his way past you again, ignoring your calls about how you hate being ignored. At this point you’re sure he’s doing it on purpose to rile you up more but you can’t help but take the bait. You grab his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and face you as you point a finger in his face. 
“Stop walking away from me!” 
He grabs your wrist and pulls you closer, making you stumble on your feet and almost lose balance. You were so close you could feel the heat from his body and smell the fresh linen scent of his shirt. “Don’t tell me what to do.” 
You snatch your wrist away from him, tension between you two growing hotter by the second as the space between you got thinner. 
“What are you going to do about it?” 
The narrowing of his eyes only made your grin grow wider as you watched the gears turn in his head as he thought about just how many things he would do about it. All of it enticed you, so you beat him to the punch. 
You reach forward again, fully intending to shove his shoulder again for another reaction, another glare, maybe even more words, but he stops you. It was fast, the way you both tumbled through the hallway as Tomura crashed his lips to yours. The relief of finally feeling his lips again meshed with the excitement of how rough he was with you. 
You lose yourself in the kiss, welcoming him in with open arms as you vaguely register the dark walls of his room and posters plastered along the walls in your scuffle.
It was exciting, probably the best part of breaking up and making up. At this point you think the whole point of falling apart is coming back together again. An endless cycle where the reward is worth the punishment. 
Cat and mouse. 
You end up on top of him, straddling his hips while your smug smile beams down at him. Tomura gives you an unamused look in return, yet the way his hands rested on your thighs gave away the ill hidden interest. It was all the encouragement you needed as you leaned down, hovering above him with both hands on his chest. 
“Not so tough now, are you?”
It’s bait. You know it’s bait, he knows it’s bait, but he takes it anyway — the way you knew he would. 
Tomura wastes no time flipping the both of you over, quickly reversing your positions as he settled himself between your legs. It’s dangerous the way his actions riled you up further, and you have to bite your lip to keep the smile from betraying your false anger. You couldn’t let him know how excited you were to be back in his bed. 
He presses your cheeks together and rocks your head left to right, tone mocking and eyes wild with fever, “Oh, look who’s become a firecracker all of the sudden. Where did that flame come from, huh?”
You want to respond, but Tomura beats you to it, releasing your cheeks and pointing a nimble finger against your forehead, “Don’t be dumb.”
His eyes trail from yours and then down to your lips, then finally down to your exposed cleavage. The movement was swift as he cupped one of your breasts in his hand and dipped down, claiming your lips again. It was softer than the first time but not by much, especially not when he matched his pace by grinding his clothed erection into you, making you moan at the contact. 
Your skirt was so short and it made you feel even more exposed than you already were. Tomura had easy access to you and the thin fabric of your panties made everything feel so much closer. 
You moan at the contact, swiping your tongue against Tomura’s bottom lip and wasting no time deepening the kiss as you pull him closer. You needed more and you needed it as soon as possible. 
Tomura pulled the low cut front of your shirt down, easily exposing your breasts from the confines of the shirt and massaged them, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your nipples and making you cry out from the sensitivity. 
He pulls away from you, eyes gazing into yours and you swore in that moment he put you in a trance. Tomura’s ruby red gaze always left you mesmerized and you can’t help the whimper that leaves your lips, brows furrowed and eyes wanting, “Please.”
“Please what?” And he’s not taunting you, he’s not mocking you. His eyes are soft as he brings a hand to your cheek. “Tell me what you want.”
“You.” Fuck, you’ve missed him. “I just want you.”
There’s a hint of a smile on his face as he strokes your cheek, soft look in his eyes making your heart flutter, and then it’s gone. Replaced by a hardened gaze as he moves to remove your shirt and bra, fully exposing you to his hungry eyes, and then moves to remove your short skirt. 
His hands hover there for a moment, debating whether or not he should keep it on and fuck you in it, but then decides against the idea and pulls it off, taking your soaked panties down with it as well. 
The air in the room feels cool against your skin as you shiver in anticipation. 
“Fuck,” Tomura whispers, now eye level with your cunt. You gasp as he runs two fingers between your wet folds and holds the digits up to show you. Syrupy clear slick clung to them, slowly trailing down as Tomura rose back up, eye level with you once more. 
“You’re so wet…” He murmured, bringing the digits to your mouth and you opened, taking them into your mouth and tasting yourself. You kept eye contact as you watched his eyes widen in delight — Tomura loved it when you put on a show for him.
There’s another moment of Tomura pressing against your tongue with his fingers and then he pulls them out, opting for a kiss in exchange, his tongue dipping into your mouth and groaning  as he could taste what’s left of your slick on you as well.
The pleasant feeling and linguid action of your movements made your shoulders relax as you practically melted into his soft bed, the feeling of his body above yours bringing you mountains of comfort. It was a distraction, of course. 
You felt the same two of Tomura’s fingers prod at your slick entrance before pressing in fully and all the way down to the knuckle. The stretch was intense but the pressure was euphoric, making you squeeze your eyes shut and grip him closer. 
He didn’t make you wait long as he pumped his fingers, quickly finding that sensitive spot so deep inside of you that only he could pinpoint and brushing against it over and over. 
The feeling was so good it made you pull away from the kiss to breathe, thighs twitching and toes curling in pleasure. You wouldn’t last long like this.
“Tomura, fuck..!” You moaned, drowning in ecstasy as he continued his abuse of your spot, never letting up or slowing down, aiming to make you cum as quickly as he could. It was obvious he wanted you to come undone as soon as possible by the way he watched your every expression. 
The way your brows furrowed to the way you bit your lip. Tomura eagerly drank every expression and gave it back to you in the form of pleasure. 
“What?” He started, unphased by your dilemma, “Gonna cum?”
It took a lot of focus and effort, but you nod — done with fighting for the night and accepting the fact that you will come apart quickly. So you give in to the pleasure. 
Tomura smiles, a devious grin splitting his features as he curls his fingers, hitting the spot one more time for good measure and you lose composure, your climax crashing into you like a tidal wave. There was nothing you could do besides ride the feeling while holding on to Tomura tight — like you would get swept away if you didn’t. 
He fucks you through it with his fingers, eyes never leaving your face as you come down from your high. 
“Pent up, huh?” He questions, and this time there is that little hint of teasing. It brings you back to reality. 
Yes, you have been pent up. You haven’t been able to get off to anything since you’ve broken up and it’s been hell. 
You have no time for the games, you just want him and you want him now. 
So, you take Tomura’s face in your hands, making him look you in the eyes. The flecks of black in his carmine eyes always makes you remember why you come back. Every single time. 
“Fuck me, please, Tomura.” It's soft and filled with desire that you cannot be bothered to hide, and Tomura has never been one to deny you.
He quickly discards his own clothes, making sure to not stay away from you for long. His cock is hard and leaking precum from the head as he strokes it in preparation. You feel giddy at the thought and watch as he slides the head of his cock between your folds, coating it with your slick, and rubbing against your clit. The action makes your hips twitch up towards him. 
He loves to tease and make you wait, but today he doesn’t make you wait long. Tomura leans down after lining himself up with your entrance and places his free hand behind your head, right above the nape of your neck. His hands were warm and the feeling of those hands cradling your head felt so comforting in the space of his familiar dark bedroom. 
You bring a hand to his hair, tangling your fingers in his ashen locks as he pushes forward. The stretch makes you whimper and Tomura captures your lips in a kiss again, swallowing the noises and releasing a groan of his own as your walls tighten around his cock. 
There's something about the way Tomura drags his hips, the way he starts off at a slow pace, winding you up as he steadily increases his speed and force. It happens so gradually that you don't realize you’re screaming his name until he tells you to shut up — threatening to cover your mouth because he didn't want his neighbors to hear how much of a slut you were.
It drove you mad the way he said it all with a smile and fucked you harder. Almost daring you to be louder so he can punish you with a hand over your mouth.
Tomura knew how rough you liked it and he always delivered, giving you back arching pleasure as he pounded into you. It leaves you gasping and struggling to keep your voice down. Your hands find the surface of his back, trying to hold on as much as you could with building pleasure on the horizon. 
“Tomu— Tomura..! Please,” you cry and he doesn’t miss a beat, driving his cock so deep against your sweet spot it makes you see stars. “Fuck..!” 
“Yeah, that’s it.” Tomura cooed, eyes filled with mischief as he brought you closer to the edge. “Cry for me.”
And you do, your body feeling euphoric as the feeling buzzed up your spine and filled your brain with the fuzz of ecstasy. 
“What are you gonna do, huh?” He starts, his hips grinding against you, the closeness of his pelvis rubs against your clit, making you cry out again, “What are you gonna do when I breed this pretty cunt and make sure you’re stuck with me forever?”
He’s bluffing, you know Tomura doesn’t want kids. He’s just trying to gauge your reaction. Your dedication. 
“Tomura…” You only moan, breath catching as he hits that spot inside you that he knows so well. 
Tomura is smiling, wild and devious, as you look up at him with glossy eyes, so close to crying from the feelings, “I’m gonna do it. I’ll make you mine forever and you can’t do anything about it.” 
“Ah!” You should stop him, tell him to calm down but he has your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your back arching off of the bed. Everything is blurring together and you can only slur words as the drool from your earlier kiss trails down your cheek. 
You are completely at his mercy like this and you know your friends would be beyond disappointed.  
It just feels so good the way his cock drags in and out of your body pulling moans and whines from your throat. He was relentless in the way he pounded into you — beyond the point of being soft and slow because he knows that’s exactly you like it. 
“Say you want it.” The command comes with the slowing of his hips and you whine, high and needy as Tomura slows to a near stop.
“Tomura, I—“
“Say you want it or I swear to god I’ll stop right now.” It’s a threat and you don’t want to find out if he’ll go through with it. Tomura never goes back on his word. 
“No, please, don’t— I want it!” you pant, frustrated and aching for more movement.
“I want you to,” you stammer, desperate to have your release. “I don’t care if you cum in me. I need you so bad.”
“That’s my girl,” He coos, dipping his head down onto your shoulder, “Fuck.. love you s’much”
You stop — you’ve never heard him say that. Ever. You doubted he would ever say it since it’s been so long. 
He doesn’t give you a chance to ruminate on it because he's picking up the pace again and giving you the friction you were so deeply in need of. The feelings are swimming in your head as your cries reach new heights. Tomura is too far gone to stop you or care and you’re thankful. You couldn’t stop yourself if you tried. 
The build of your orgasm crashes down and sends you with it, making your thighs quiver in pleasure and your eyes squeeze shut. Tomura’s mouth meets yours before you could cry out, the warmth of his tongue guiding you as he fucked you through it. 
He didn’t last long after, the way your walls tightened around him with the force of your orgasm has Tomura’s pace erratic as he chased his own high. 
The bed shook as Tomura finally finished, hips stuttered as he released inside of you, hot seed coating your insides and making heat rise to your cheeks. He really did it.
You watch as he slows to a stop above you, his eyes closed as he enjoys the feeling of release. Tomura’s breathing was heavy and you couldn’t stop yourself from bringing him down into another kiss, traveling from his lips to his cheeks and then back again. 
It was intimate and you were worried it may have been too much, given the reason you were both in this situation was because of a stupid breakup. 
Tomura’s pulls out of you, making you wince and taking the feeling of being so full away from you. He doesn’t go far, opting to stay on top of you and rest his head on your shoulder, wanting to keep you as close as possible. 
“You really piss me off.” He mumbles into your shoulder, out of breath and tired. “God, why can’t you just stay with me.”
“Tomura…” Your hands run through his hair, the sweat is making it stick to his forehead as you wait for him to keep talking. 
“Stop leaving me.” His voice is firm, unwavering.
“You told me to go.” 
“I didn’t think you fucking would. I would never actually want you to.”
“I can’t read between the lines Tomura, I’m not in your head.” You make him look at you this time, pulling his hair a little to get him to raise his head. “Did you mean it?”
“I just said I didn’t—“
“No, the other thing you said.” He gives you a look of pure confusion and you lose a little bit of hope, “when you said you loved me?” 
You stare into his carmine eyes, hoping, praying it wasn’t just pillow talk from the heat of the moment. 
He looks at you for a long time, frustration still wearing on his features. If you didn’t know any better you would say he was pouting. “Of course I meant it. I’ve always felt like that.”
“But you’ve never said it!”
“I show it!”
“How?” This is getting frustrating and going in circles. 
He groans, sitting up and taking his warmth with him. “I’m not going to sit here and list everything I’ve ever done for you. I don’t think it works like that.”
You open your mouth to counter, irritation on your tongue because that’s not what you meant, but Tomura stops you again. 
“I don’t know how to explain it, okay?” He shakes his head and sighs, laying next to you on the bed and looking up at his ceiling. “It’s weird. I have these strong feelings, but it’s not hate, it's not anger. It's the opposite of that.”
You stare at him as he focuses ahead, keeping his eyes trained on the uninteresting ceiling above.
“Father said it’s a weakness and I should feel that way but,” There’s a pause as he looks away from the ceiling, meeting your eyes finally, “if it’s so weak of me, then why are the feelings so strong?” 
Your heart aches. It's clear that he’s torn, and with the strange way he was raised you know that he can’t help the way he is. 
“Tomura…” 
“And it won’t go away. I can’t fight them down or push them away like I can with everything else. It eats me up and I… guess I lash out because of it.” He shakes his head and for the first time Tomura looks defeated. You’ve never seen him this way — he’s always been filled with confidence and self assured. “I just don’t know what to do.”
You bring a hand to his cheek as you press your forehead against his. It kills you that this is what’s been on his mind and you aren’t sure what you could do to fix it. Maybe there was nothing you could do, physically, but you would do your best to be there for him emotionally.
“Sometimes,” you try to be careful with your words, knowing how much Tomura looks up to his foster father even though the man has been nothing but strange to him. “People say things that aren’t true because they don’t know how to live with it.”
Tomura’s guardian cannot live with love nor the idea of it. 
“That doesn't mean you have to live that way.” 
And it’s the truth. 
Tomura doesn’t say anything, just watches you with heavy lidded eyes, ruby red nearly glowing in the low light of the room. He was so much more than what people thought they knew of him and you didn’t care if it took time for others to see that.
He leans in, closing his eyes and you meet him halfway into a kiss. 
It's warm and it's soft and you know that even when your phone is buzzing from dozens of missed calls and texts from your friends, it will be fine. 
You and Tomura would take things one day at a time.
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zikkytheblicky · 5 months
Note
Hey I wondered if you could do Angel dust x Angel!male reader like his reaction to see a real angel ?
if you want,you can ignore this <3
this anon is so nice omg :( such a sweetheart i’m gonna call them sweet anon :3
anyway, ya ofc!! this might be a lil short cuz im doing this at 10 pm and im tired but ya!! its gonna be story format + headcannoning cuz why not :3 I MADE READER OBLIVIOUS BTW!!
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angel dust has never seen an angel. not once, not twice. the only thing he’s ever seen closest to an angel was lucifer morning star but he’s technically a fallen angel.
so when he saw you for the first time he was very shocked- especially since you were so beautiful..
you were talking to Charlie and introducing yourself as one of Adams’ body guards. you were there with Charlie to help determine if Charlie’s idea was even possible.
so obviously, for your charlie’s sake, he was on his best behavior.
you brung your hand up to your lips and let out a laugh as angel cracked jokes to you as he told you stories about his life(?) in hell. “and then- then he-“ angel was laughing so hard he could barely continue- ignoring the knowing smirk husk sent his way. the damn cat. he knows everyone too well. maybe angel should stop venting to him while drunk (not like angel chooses to. his drunken, depressed state during those hours are never in his control.).
angel had ended up getting really confused on your anatomy- questioning how you can fly and why you have a halo over your head- keep in mind this man died in 1947 of an overdose and is in his thirties ☠️ he’s been in hell since 1947 and has NEVER learned about angels at all. the only thing close to angel anatomy he learned is how lucifer has yellow hair and has a kinda angelic color scheme (all angels obviously don’t look alike but angel has never seen another one besides vaggie but he doesn’t know she’s one).
“‘m/n’?” angel asked as his eyes followed the way your feathers twitched every millisecond from the uncomfortable stares at them. “yes?” “why do you have a halo over your head?” “ANGEL.”
angel likes you in a week. A WEEK. he fell so hard im telling you bro. like just one look into your eyes and he’d kill all three of the vees for you if you asked him to.
he surprisingly doesn’t act downbad in front of you. i know people like to think angel is bold and flirty but to me i think that’s just his persona and not his true self. he keeps up a persona so he never gets his trust broken again? maybe? idk. but i js believe he’d be shy and not really know how to flirt with you like he does with husk and alastor and sir pentious; so smoothly and easily.
think about how he had tried to flirt with you before but ended up just becoming a stuttering mess when you took his flirting literally.
“hey toots~ did you fall from heaven?” angel dust said in a seductive tone, grabbing your chin and tilting your face up at him. “huh? no.. i’m not a fallen angel..! are you saying i’m like lucifer?” “HUH WHAT- no- no! not like that at all! i was trying to- to..” angel stuttered his words, waving his hands around (bring careful not to accidentally hit you, of course). “to what?” “to.. just joke around! you’re so oblivious ‘m/n’, im going to punch you.” angel said in an affectionate tone, slinging his arm around your shoulder. “why? what did i do?” you asked politely, too politely. now angel felt bad. angel mentally screams.
sometimes you think angel’s mad at you when he’s playing around with you on text.
he ends up getting mad at himself most times
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angel was smashing his head into a table and cursing all the overlords because of this btw.
alr thats enough bye bye!!
this was so rushed omlll. 😨
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gavisfanta · 2 months
Note
Hello, could you write a Gavi fic where she fell first but Gavi fell harder?
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FEELINGS - GAVI
summary: enemies to lovers, she fell first he fell harder, when the "player" meets "hasn't had her first kiss yet" , so many tropes ik 😭
a/n: also i am a genuis, i cooked this story up (this is my new fav one) Gavi is so mean in this story atleast in the beginning I am sorry that i didnt write him like the pookiebear he is
warnings: cursing, smut, A LOT OF SMUT. some mistakes
You were currently sitting in uni, listening to the most boring poems people have ever came up with.
Your professor made you look for one that means the most to you.
"Yes, Carl can we hear yours please?" The profesor pointed at the blonde boy who was such a teachers pst, sitting in first row all the time and handing in every assignment 2 weeks early.
"Why is it, that when a story ends, we begin to feel all of it." Carl smiled, of course he's depressive if the only thing he has on his mind was school.
The professor only nodded his head and pointed at you. "Y/n, let's hear yours."
You sighed deeply and then looked at your papers.
"There'll always be a reason why you meet people.
Either you need to change your life,
or you're the one that'll change theirs."
"Beautiful," The proffesor praised you. However you were only happy that he didnt praise Carl.
But you had other things to focus on.
Like tomorrow.
"Fuck I cant believe this." You smiled as you turned to a random blonde girl who was standing next to you. "It's crazy" She muttered with a smile. You were a student at the University of Barcelona and they were giving away one special ticket to play a game against the first team in the johan cruyff stadium. That's how you ended up in the stadium with 17 other influencers, wearing the full Barca kit. However before you came here you had to get medical checkups to see if you were actually in shape to play 45 minutes.
A man then came out of the tunnel and all of you suddenly went quiet. "So hello, its lovely to have you all here and I'm so glad everyone made it here save. I know, we only told you that you will be playing against eachother, however we have a small surprise." The man smiled. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at him. He stepped to the side and you saw 11 of the first team players walking out.
"They boys will join you for a quick game, dont go too hard on them." The man laughed and you tried to hide your smile as you looked at the players. He looked rather atletic, very British accent and he looked like he could be from Britain.
However then your eyes drifted to the 11 first team players. Ter Stegen, Balde, Araujo, Christensen, Kounde, Pedri, Frenkie De Jong, Gavi, Dembele, Lewandowski and Ferran Torres.
"So we have chosen 11 people for the line up." The man continued and then named all the people. "-and lastly, Y/n" You smiled a little bit as you looked at the whiteboard that was standing next to the man. You were in the midfield, right side to be exact.
So the referee blew the whistle and the game began. The striker from your team passed the ball to another midfielder and so the game went on. Passing and passing until eventually you had to cover up Gavi just as he received the ball. He tried to push you back a little but in that exact moment you moved your right leg between his legs and rolled the ball towards yourself. As soon as the ball was out of Gavi's reach you passed it down to the defense.
Meanwhile you were kinda proud of yourself, Gavi was extremely shocked. He would've defended like that against any other Laliga player. Maybe he would've pushed a bit harder but you were a woman so he couldn't play exactly the same.
But for any other player it was difficult to take the ball away from Gavi, and you took it in 2 seconds? That was huge bust for his ego, which was very high.
"What are you staring at? Move." Pedri asked the young midfielder and with that he got pulled out of his sudden shock state.
Even tho Gavi didn't seem to take it so seriously, it was because he was still shocked by that tackle you did on him. Pedri didn't like losing in general, thats why he tried a bit.
Pedri was annoyed with Gavi, he would have told him, but he knows his friend and his temper, so instead he didn't say anything.
After 20 minutes, the halftime in that game the score was still 0-0 which was surprising, because either the first team wasn't trying or you had too good of a defense.
But that changed in the final minutes of the game when your team just took the ball from the first team and you got it passed from a german influencer. Since you were playing in the right side of the midfield, you had pretty much open space on the right so you decided to dribble past the few players there.
Until you were standing in the box where you saw someone stand alone. You passed him the ball and he shot at Ter Stegen but he of course saved it. However, the ball bounced back from his hand and rolled right in front of your feet where without thinking for a second, you kicked and scored. You turned around and saw some of your teammates running towards you to celebrate.
Just a few minutes after that, the game ended and everyone took some pictures with the players. Nobody was sitting on the bench so you decided to sit down and drink some water.
While you took the second big gulp Gavi sat down next to you and looked straight ahead. "That was a dirty tackle." He mumbled while also grabbing a water bottle.
You couldn't help but smile a little bit at his words, you didn't look at him either. "But a beautiful one" You smiled at the stadium.
"You do believe that you're all that, trust me, one good tackle doesn't make you a Ballon d'Or winner." Gavi stood up and pointed at you before walking away. He didn't even want to hear you out, he just didnt want to look at your smile anymore. He hated the satisfaction that came with it.
"Ay Hermano, good game hm?" Pedri walked up to Gavi who scoffed and walked into the locker room. "Oh so you're still mad about that girl that tackled you, huge blow on your ego hm? She did that good tho." Pedri teased his friend whose blood was for sure boiling by now. He walked down into the locker room, his arms swinging by his side with force as he left his friend behind. Pedri shook his head as he saw how mad Gavi was, for him it didn't make any sense why he would even care. Maybe it was because he got overpowered by a woman, but Gavi wouldn't be like that.
"I need some chick to let my anger out, I'll call you later, you wanna join my place in two hours?" Gavi grabbed his bag with just his normal shoes on and started walking backwards towards the door. Pedri was right after all, if Gavi got overpowered by a woman he was gonna show himself that he still can overpower women himself.
"Only if we're alone" Pedri told him and Gavi nodded while giving him a thumbs up. The walk to the exit was long for him while he looked for the phone in his pocket.
However, then Gavi jumped into his car and then immediately dialed Arias number. Aria was a famous model who had worked with some big companies in her career before so she was definitely known to some people in Barcelona. To Gavi she was the girl who he called up once every two months for a fuck and then ghost her.
The idiot she was she agreed every time, she couldn't have been blamed, who could say no to Gavi.
"Are you alone?" Gavi immediately asked after she picked up.
"Yeah, you wanna come over?" She asked, she sounded excited, Gavi almost felt bad that he didn't care about her feeling at all.
"Yeah I'll be there in five. Get ready." Without any further exchange of words, he hung up and kept driving through the city.
After he finally arrived the door to her apartment swung open and Gavi didn't waste a second.
While pushing her against the wall and pushing his tongue down her throat he began taking off her clothes until she was left in her underwear.
"Get on your knees." Gavi said harshly after he finally pulled away from her. There was really nothing romantic or sweet in what Gavi was doing.
But Aria did as the footballer requested her to. She was facing Gavis crotch and he immediately pulled down his shorts and boxers to his knees and pumped her hand up and down his hard dick a couple of times before grabbing her ponytail.
"Open up wide." Gavi said and Aria did as he asked her too, sooner then she knew, his dick was deep down her throat. He was face fucking her at the highest speed. He didn't care if she gagged, he didn't care if she coughed, as long as his dick stayed inside her mouth and he could chase his own pleasure.
Just as she put her hands on the back of his tights for stabilization he pulled his dick out of her mouth and slapped her cheek with it. "Don't touch me." He leaned down a bit and then he shoved his dick down her throat again.
He came after a few minutes, and after he cleaned the edges of her lips and making her eat the rest of his cum he leaned down to her.
"You're always so good to me Aria, sad that your gorgeous body doesn't come with a brain." Gavi kissed her one last time and then left her apartment, leaving her sitting on the floor. The brown haired girl who was on her knees didn't know what else to do other than look down at the floor. She was ashamed of herself but everytime she licked her lips she still tasted Gavi, so that made it all disappear.
Gavi on the other hand was making his way down in the elevator, he had his hands crossed infront of his chest while an old man was standing next to him. He didn't look at the man, the only thing he prayed for was that he wouldn't recognize him. He breathed out a long breath after he made it to the ground floor and basically ran out the elevator.
So as he sat into the car he called his bestfriend Pedri. "Hey, can you come over now?" He asked and looked at the time, about two hours have passed since practice.
"Yeah, are you still on your way?" Pedri asked Gavi. Pedri hadn't done anything ever since he got home from practice, he went to shower a second time because it was so hot in Barcelona and then was on his phone in bed the whole time. He didn't have anything else planned so he only waited for Gavi to text or call.
"Yeah, I'll get home in five, so I'll leave the door open and you just let yourself in." Gavi explained and nodded even tho Pedri couldn't see him. The young midfielder started the car and began his journey towards his house.
"Bien, see you later." Pedri was the one to hang up the phone. Gavi was focused on the road until he arrived home, with a deep sigh he got out of the car and made his way inside his house.
He put down his bag and then went to pour himself a cup of water before sitting down on the couch and opening instagram.
He checked some of his messages and came across the restricted account of Aria. The message that came from her read "loved it, we have to repeat it". Gavi scoffed at her message. Luckily he had her restricted so she couldn't see if he viewed her message.
Gavi looked at Aria more as a stupid slut, he never really talked to her, it was always just her sucking him off.
Just as he wanted to text Pedri where he was but im that second the door opened and Pedri's voice echoed through the house.
"Hola Hermano" Pedri sounded excited to see his friend, the same was for Gavi, he stood up and went to greet his friend with a hug.
"How are you, everything good after your meet up with..." Pedri stopped for a second after he dabbed up Gavi. "Who was it this time?" Pedri smiled a bit.
"My god, Aria." Gavi rolled his eyes and Pedri's eyes widened.
"I thought you hated her?" Pedri asked while taking off his shoes and the duo made their way further inside the house to the couch.
"I do but her head game is good, it is what it is." Gavi shrugged his shoulders and let himself fall down on the white couch.
"Man you're sick." Pedri laughed a bit while he patted his friends shoulders. "Bye the way, do you remember the girl that tackled you?" Pedri turned his upper body towards the younger midfielder.
"Oh shut up, just drop that act." Gavi shook his head as he groaned.
"No, I actually spoke to her after I showered and-" Pedri began and then Gavi stopped him.
"Oh so you showered with her?" Gavi smiled.
"No!? You shut up, so I've talked to her and she's a university student here. So I was a bit shocked when I found out that it wasn't all content creators, because I thought so-" Pedri started again but this time Gavi caught him off once again.
"Man just get to the point, you're talking too much." He clapped his hand on his thigh and smiled a bit.
"So what I found out, that her brother works in the medical team. When she said that her brother is Marco, my jaw dropped right." Pedri smiled at Gavi and his jaw dropped too.
Marco had worked closely together with the team in the couple of months, that's why Gavi and Pedri knew him so well and were on good terms with him. They sometimes invited him to team hangouts but that was rather rare.
"So then she told me that she'll be visiting the practice the day after tomorrow since she's studying medicine in sports and she would have came here anyway to watch what her brother was doing." Pedri explained to Gavi, him on the other hand was fighting his concentration span. Pedri was talking way too many words that were so boring.
"Okay, good, you're absolutely inlove with her and I don't care, I don't like her." Gavi stood up to get himself a glass of some juice, he needed sugar, so that's why the ice tea packaging in the fridge caught his eyes as he was standing in front of the open fridge door.
Pedri was left on the couch, confused by Gavi. "Why would I be inlove with her?" Pedri shot up from the couch and also folloeed his friend into the kitchen.
"Cause why do you listen to her yapping all those words?" Gavi sighed and put down an empty glass on the counter.
"Cause I don't have an attention span of three seconds unlike some others here." Pedri gave the younger midfielder a side eye.
"What did you say?" Gavi grinned at his own joke and Pedri scoffed while he smiled.
-
"Hey" You told your brother as you sat into the car, he went to pick you up from your apartment so you could go to esportiva together.
"Hurry" Your brother Niko stressed you, you just shook your head. Your brother was two years older than you but you two always got along, you chased the same dream of living in Barcelona, thats why you got along better with him than your other siblings. The city had a special effect on you, while in England you didn't really have any friends and felt very unhappy and alone, moving to Barcelona changed that. You didn't have mamy friends here either but a few good ones, whenever you felt sad or alone or even stressed because of university, you went on a walk or maybe you even bought a ticket to a game. That brightened up your mood immediately.
"So we'll have to go into the kffice at first, say hi to Juan, he's my work partner avoid him tho, he talks way too much. Then the players will come in eventually and that's when you'll have to stay serious, no giggling around no laughing, if I see you touch one of them, I'll send you outside." He told you while pointing his finger towards you. You rolled your eyes ans then nodded your head. "Good, after the players are gone, we'll have to go to the office again and be on the computer to type everything in." Niko explained further and then drove to the security infront of the training facilities. He walked up to Niko as he let down the window. "Niko, how are you" The security man asked your brother.
"Good, could be better tho, work means work." Niko shrugged his shoulders and the man smiled.
"It is what it is, is that your girlfriend or-?" The man pointdd towards you and you quickly shook your head.
"I'm his sister." You quickly corrected the man who raised his arms into the air.
"Sorry, don't know what kind of businesses your brother has." He laughed and you just smiled at him, trying to be friendly. "Okay you can go through." The man told Niko and he drove up to the parking lots where he parked down his car.
Until you walked to the office everything was pretty boring. That was until you accidentally ran into Pedri in the hallway when you were just on your way to the toilet.
"Oh no way, hey Y/n" He smiled as he dabbed you up. Your face was also covered in a wide grin as he released his hand from yours again.
"Hey Pedri." You held it short and waited for him to keep going wifh the conversation.
"You wanna cone down and watch us train? Or do you have things to do? Cause I'm pretty sure that Xavi will be okay with it." Pedri suggested and your eyes immediately lit up.
"My brother will say no, a hundred percent." Your lips parted into a thin line to which Pedri only began to smile.
"Come on" He grabbed your arm and put his other hand on the door handle to Niko's office. He opened it and pulled you inside befire he ket go of your arm. His grip was so strong that you thought that your blood circulation had stopped for a second.
"Hey Pedri man, what's up?" Niko turned around in his office chair to face the Canarian midfielder who was already wearing the practice kit.
"Niko, listen hermano, is it okay if we steal her from you? She's gonna be at the pitch with us." Pedri asked Niko who gave you a dirty look.
"Sure, if you say so" Niko answered Pedri while he gave you another mad look and then turned back to his laptop, shaking his head in annoyance.
"Come on, let's go." The midfielder turned to face you and left the office, closing the door behind himself.
-
That day you didn't do much, just stood at the sidelines and watched the team train, you weren't complaining tho, it was amazing.
Niko was only a bit mad at you because he told you to keep it together while with the players. However, the following day, which was friday, you were alone in your apartment, like usual.
Scrolling through instagram many videos popped up on your feed about gavi, pedri and other barca players. Your eyes scanned all the videos until they landed on a gavi one. He looked surprisingly good in the clásico that was last week against real madrid. Where Barca wore the motomami shirt by Rosalía, they ended up winning 2-1 with Kessie's last minute winner.
The same video kept replaying, of Gavi laying on his back on the pitch, breathing heavily, his hair sticking to his forehead and pearls of sweat hoovering on his forehead.
It was obvious that he mouthed the words "puta madre", which only made him look so hot in your opinion. Your mind drifted off as you imagined him below you, you on top of him, riding him out until he is a heavy breathing mess.
You sqeezed your legs together as you imagined how he would feel inside of you his hands gripping your waist to thurst up into you after your knees have given out and you touching his body, your fingers sloding over his abs and you looking down at the point where you two would meet. Gavi's head would be propped on a pillow while he looked at himself thrusting up into you and you would look at him. You felt your stomach cramp at the thoughts you were having.
That was until the sound of your phone ringing pulled you back into your thoughts. You looked down on your phone and saw Pedris name written on the screen. Immediately you realized what you wrre thinking about and made a disgusted face immediately. Gavi was such a prick for no reason, you wouldn't want him to take your virginity.
So sliding the button to take Pedri's call and putting it up to your ear, you heard the midfielders voice.
"Hey are you busy?" Pedri asked immediately and you looked at the time.
"No, why are you asking?"
"I didn't wanna disturb you, anyways; I wanted to ask if you would be up to coming over to my house today, we invited some team mates and their girlfriends and I thought you'd get along great with Dani and Mikky, maybe even Taia. So do you have time?" Pedri asked and you looked at the clock again. You didn't really plan anything for that day so there was no hesitation.
"I'd love to, just tell me when to be there and send me over your address." The smile on your face was heard by Pedri.
"Great, I'll send everything over, see ya." And as soon you told Pedri goodbye too, he hung up the phone, his gaze shifted towards Gavi walking down the stairs, his arm wrapped around a girls waist. He didn't seem to notice his bestfriend until the girl left and he closed the door then turned around.
"Since when are you here?" Gavi asked and locked the door before walking over to Pedri on the couch.
"Since ten minutes, is she new by the way?" Pedri raised his brows while looking at the girl Gavi just brought to the door.
"Nah, I just hit her up after like 5 months again. Gotta wait another five now." Gavi shrugged his shoulders and sat down.
"How do they still sleep with you if you ignore them for five months." Pedri questioned to which Gavi just responded with a laugh.
"My dick works wonders" He shrugged his shoulders once again and then pulled out his phone.
"Yeah, I heard that. I also invited some other people over to my place tonight." Pedri let him know and the younger midfielder lifted his head up immediately and locked his phone.
"What people?"
"Like Frenkie and Mikky, Fermin, Marc and Dani and the girl that tackled you." Pedris lips pulled up into a smile as he saw Gavi's face drop.
"Why would you invite her, what's her name again?" Gavi looked at Pedri surprised. He wasnt the biggest fan of you, he disliked you, if not dispised you. The only reasonable reason was because you tackled him, many people would think that that's a stupid reason to hate someone, including Pedri. But Gavi's ego was the highest in his private life, on the pitch he was rather focused and didn't want to get over himself too much, but since that was basically just a little silly game with some influencers and you tackled him. Why did you out of all of them tackle him, how did you tackle him. That was what went through his head the whole day after that small game.
For you it was amazing but the tackle was not the only thing that remained in your head. The young midfielder who happened to be Gavi looked surprisingly better in real life. So the moments of him sitting down next to you or him looking at you didn't go unnoticed by you.
You wouldn't say that you had a crush on him, he wasn't very nice and he didn't treat people with respect in your eyes, but his looks speak for themselves.
That's why as soon as you stepped foot into Pedri's gigantic house, your eyes scanned the room and stopped at the side of Gavi's head. His side profile was too attractive but immediately you were disgusted by yourself as you thought about the thinks that crossed your mind before Pedri had called you.
Everyone was chatting while sitting at the couch and Pedri who just closed the door behind you turned to you. "How are you?" He asked and a smile plastered across his face.
"I'm awesome thank you for asking, what about you?" You smiled as you took off your shoes and stepped onto the heated tiles with your socks.
"I'm better now that all of you are here, come on we wanted to play dare or drink after you came." Pedri informed you and then waved you to walk behind him while he made his way over to his couch.
All of the people turned to look at you and said hi to you, you decided to take place next to Mikky and Taia who were both very welcoming and nice towards you.
Pedri then eventually stood up and looked at everyone. "So we're gonna be playing drink or dare, rules are pretty simple, do a dare or drink, I'll get the Alcohol and in the meantime you guys decide who starts." Pedri then smiled and went to the kitchen to get three shot glasses and three bottles of vodka which was insane in your opinion but you were always up to a little drinking game. Gavi was sat next to Frenkie and Lewandowski on the other side of the couch, he had a clear view on you, however he didn't even notice you, until Frenkie mentioned Mikky to him and he looked over at the Dutchmans girlfriend and saw you. Pedri really did invite you, Gavi didn't understand why he did that since he didn't know you that well.
You both got pulled out of your thoughts when Pedri returned and then Fermin spoke up. "Pedrito, since you're at home here, we all agreed on you starting this game" Fermins cheeky smile covered his face as Pedri sat down next to Raphinha.
"Good, so Fermin, who was your first time?" Pedri leaned forward a bit and Fermin shook his head while he poured himself a shot.
"You know this is gonna be a short game for me if you keep asking me stuff you know I hate to talk about." Fermin laughed a bit while everyone smiled and watched him pour down the Alcoholo on his throat.
After about an hour you have listened and laughed a lot, the game was funny and everyone was a bit tipsy, except for you and Gavi. Gavi answered every question he got asked truthfully and the guys just didn't ask you any bad question since they didn't know you that well. The most exciting question was when you had your first kiss, and even that you answered. Truth was you didn't really had your first real kiss yet, the first and last one was in kindergarten.
So when everyone around you two was giggling and talking, and asking questions, Gavi and you held intense eye contact, nobody was able to look away, just staring at eachother from across the two sides of the couches.
Gavi's mind was filled with questions, just the same as always. "How, why, when" and everything else that came to mind. Why was it you that tackled him. Meanwhile his brows were knit together and you just thought of how arrogant he must he if he keeps looking at you like that, suddenly all the attraction towards him was gone, there was just that weird feeling in your head.
Eventually you cleared your throat and turned to Mikky. "I'll get myself a glass of water." You told her and she nodded. So standing up and walking in the dark to the kitchen, you searched for a glass and then placed it under the tap, the water filling up the cup slowly.
In the dark you could barely see how full it was, however you had to jump a little a few seconds later.
"He has bottled water" You turned around only to see Gavi who pointed at the fridge with his thumb and then put both of his hands into the pockets of his black joggers.
"Okay" You simply answered and then turned around to look at the half full glass of water still standing below the tap.
There was an awkward atmosphere between you two in the kitchen. The soft noise of laughter coming from the living room, the water running into the cup, the fridge making noises, the crickets outside, you suddenly seemed to realize everything.
"Are you a footballer?" Gavi asked again, he had to ask, he forced himself tho, he had to find out how. However you turned around, brows knit together and a confused look on your face.
"Why would I be?" Quickly answering and then turned off the water, just as you wanted to grab the glass, Gavi's hand was at your wrist and he grabbed it to turn you around to look at him.
The confusion in your face was clear as day, you had no idea what was going on. "How did you tackle me then?" He asked, still holding onto your wrist carefully but still with a good grip. Your body was pushed against the counted and him standing tall in front of you.
"I played football like 4 years ago, you don't forget everything you've learnt." You answered, still holding back a ittle since Gavi was standing way too close to you, you thought that he wouldn't notice your gaze shifting down to his lips for of couple of seconds. He did.
"You haven't played football in a club since 4 years?" Gavi raised his eyebrows and you nodded your head. He was surprisingly nice to you in that moment, you would have imagine him to swear at you or call you names but he was nice.
"This is a joke." Gavi whispered aggressively under his breath as he turned around and made his way towards the door. He left the house and left you standing in the kitchen with a confused look on your face.
That's why next week you got a little deja vu. That week you had talked a lot with Pedri and you'd even consider the two of you friends. You also got along great with the wags and you even went to get breakfast with Mikky and Dani, Ter Stegens wife.
Then you went with your brother to work and just like the last time, you stood next to Xavi who watched all the players train.
He had told you a week ago that if you don't disturb the practice sessions, you're allowed to watch and be there.
And one thing you noticed was that Gavi was playing shit, really shit, like passing the ball in the worst moments and not paying attention.
After the practice session was over you msde sure the players left before you walked into the locker room and grabbed your stuff you had left there in prior. You had to walk to the other side of where the entrance was and as you faced the wall and wanted to pick up the stuff you heard a voice coming from the door.
"I played shit today didn't I?" Gavi's voice echoed a bit and you turned around. "Must be because all of the girls I have in my head." He smirked while he looked at you.
"You should maybe stop thinking with your dick then if all you think about are your one night stands." You mumbled and Gavi raised his eyebrows immediately. He didn't know how much you hated that he slept with other women, he didn't know that you wanted him to think about you only while practicing, he didn't know that you had a crush on him.
"You're telling me to stop thinking about sex when I can see that you're drolling over all my teammates whenever they're playing." Gavi shot back and you shrugged your shoulders as a smile made it's way to your face.
"And I bet they're a better fuck than you." You shot back to which Gavi lowered his eyebrows again and he squinted his eyes while he smirked.
"You wanna try that out?"
"If you're begging for it" You shrugged your shoulders and then you turned back around to grab your stuff.
"Fine, send me your address I'll be there in-" He mumbled and turned around to look at the clock hanging over the door. "two hours," Gavi said confidentially and turned around to walk out the room. However he stopped in the doorframe and turned around to face you. "Oh and babe, leave the door open."
You squeezed your eyes shut as you turned away from the doorframe and a deep sigh escaped your lips.
The whole drive home, you anxiously tapped the steering wheel and looked at the clock. You still had one and a half hours, you knew that Gavi meant to sleep with you. You needed to prepare yourself mentally to sleep with him, not to mention that you were still a virgin, you didn't plan on telling him that he was about to be your first time.
So you switched into comfortable clothes which would be some grey joggers and a black crop top. You sat down on your couch and took out your phone immediately. Your gaze shifted from the tiktok you were watching to the clock every minute. Until you heard someone go up to your door and seconds later the door opened and Gavi walked inside.
"Good job leaving the door open, not many girls listen to me when I say that." Gavi mumbled, he was wearing a black compression shirt and a black jacket over it and black pants.
You looked him up and down while he took off his jacket and out it down on the couch. You stayed in place as ypu looked up at him, Gavi just stood infront of you until he shrugged his shoulders.
"You want me to bend you over on the couch or what?" Gavi asked, he knew that he had you.
You nervously stood up and then made your way over to the bedroom, you felt Gavi's presence behind you and immediately as you two entered the bedroom, Gavi closed the door and then turned you around.
"Not very talkative right now hm?" He grinned and then hungrily kissed your lips. The kiss was fast and he kept pulling you closer by your waist, the way his hands burnt into your exposed skin on the hips was sending shivers down your spine.
His lift were soft and aggressive, he was dominant and he carefully but the bottom of your lip, you opened your mouth slightly and then his tongue slipped into your mouth, dominantly fighting with yours. At that point your hands were behind his neck, pulling him closer. He felt like heaven and you knew you didn't want to stop even if it meant just a quick fuck for him, you wanted it to be him. Your crush who didn't even knew you had feelings for him and supposedly hated you.
So he pushed you towards the bed and as you sat down on it you started backing up to get in the middle.
"Take off your clothes." Gavi commanded and you didn't hesitate to pull down your joggers and crop top, exposing yourself in only underwear to him.
Gavi didn't speak as he took off his own clothes too and was left in his white boxer shorts. Your eyes scanned his body, you felt the pool between your legs getting bigger and hotter.
He then crawled on top of you, putting his body onto yours and kissing your lips passionately. His hands roamed your body until he reached your panties and he began to pull them down. As he parted his lips from yours to pull them down fully he looked at your wet pussy.
"So wet hm?" He teased as he then also pulled down his boxershorts and his hard dick hit his abdomen, your mouth fell slightly open at the sight of his dick he just looked at your pussy and then held himself up over you with one of his hands while he other one grabbed his dick. He started running his tip along your folds and watched your reaction. You bit your lip as you clenched around nothing, you just wanted him inside of you, stretching you out, you wanted to know how it feels.
After he was satisfied with your reaction, he alined himself and pushed himself into you fully.
"Oh my god you're tight" Gavi breathed out as you clenched around him, him stretching out your walls felt incredible, his hips meeting yours as he was balls deep inside of you felt incredible. He felt incredible.
There was a short sting of pain before he started moving but it all turned into pleasure after. You felt his tip grazing iver your g spot which made you moan and throw your head back. He started hitting the spot after he noticed that he had found it. As if that wasn't enough, he buried his head in the crook of your beck and started sucking on it, leaving nearly purple marks as he kept thrusting into you at a rapid speed.
His lips, his movements, his body, that all made it too much and eventually a warm knot started forming in your stomach as your legs were widely spread.
You arched your back and Gavi lifted up his head, he looked at you after he looked at the headboard hitting the wall of your bedroom. His eyes locked with yours and you stayed quiet in that second, his body moving yours and his eyes staying on yours, you clenched around him and he breathed out shakily.
Just a few thrusts and you finally came, your legs started shaking like crazy and you arched your back as you moaned.
Gavi only needed a few more seconds until he came too, he pushed inside of you one final time and shot his cum into you, the long ropes of his cum filling you up and he pulled out of your pussy. As you were still breathing heavily you remained on your back, staring at the ceiling while Gavi started dressing up again. You pulled a blanket over yourself as you watched him and as he was fully dressed, only missing his jacket from the couchnin your living room, he walked over to you and leaned down to your face.
"I hope this proves that I'm a better fuck than them." Gavi pecked your lips and then left you speechless as he walked out. You waited until he closed the main door and then you covered your face with your own hands.
You knew that there would be no aftercare, yet you were measuring out in your head if it was good or not. To him it meant nothing, to you, you will forever remember this time with Gavi. Many girls would have loved him to take their virginity and you didn't say that the sex was bad, but it still felt bad. So you sat up, legs trembling as then a tear rolled down your cheek. It hurt you that he didn't stay, you weren't mad at him because it wasn't his fault that you caught feelings for him and he didn't know, and it also wasn't his fault that he didn't know that he just took your virginity, it was your fault.
Other than you who was still sitting on the beds edge 10 minutes after Gavi left, the midfielder just arrived at Pedri's house where the two of them wanted to meet up to play fifa.
"Where were you?" Pedri asked Gavi just as soon as he arrived at the Canarians house.
"I was at someones apartment, don't worry." Gavi winked at Pedri to which he just responded with a sigh and he shook his head.
"How do you have so much sex and can concentrate on football at the same time. I can't do that" Pedri asked while Gavi sat down and shrugged his shoulders. "Who was it this time?"
"I can't tell you, top secret." Gavi answered and Pedri gave him a weird look.
"If you say so."
Gavi was just glad that Pedri didn't question him being away any further. Normally Gavi would tell Pedri who he slept with, but not when he also knows you.
-
Many days of practice sessions you attended have passed and also many games you watched in the tv. Until eventually the big game of the season came where it would be decided if Barcelona was gonna win the Laliga or not.
So against Espanyol they stepped foot onto the field and their only goal was to win, which they did.
You were smiling the whole time as you looked at the celebrate through the tv. Then not even an hour later you received a text in the groupchat you were in with some of the guys and their girlfriends.
"We meeting in Flamenco in three hours" Fermin texted and you sighed and looked at the clock. It was one am, that meant that you'll need to be up a long time. You decided to drink a coffee and then take a shower before starting to get ready. While you were doing your hair you also drank a red bull just to make sure that you were staying awake.
Then Mikky called you over Face time and you talked about her picking you up.
Sooner than you knew, Mikky was in front of your door with her car, sitting inside in a black dress. You drove to the club and you saw Pedri and decided to go up to him and ask him where Gavi was so you could talk to him.
"I think he's upstairs" Pedri mumbled and You nodded while making your way through the crowd. You wanted to talk to Gavi about him not going to practice today.
The music was loud as soon as you stepped up the stairs and saw that a door was slightly open. You made your way over to it and as you pushed it open your mouth fell slightly open.
There was a girl bent over the bed, she had her face burried in the sheets and didn't notice that you saw her getting pounded into the bed by nobody other than Gavi.
He saw you, and you saw him, fucking that girl.
He began to smile immediately after and then nudged his head towards you, his face was sweaty and his body was covered by sweat too.
He looked attractive, but you couldn't focus on that as the girl was clenching around his dick.
Gavi blew you a kiss before he waved you over but you just shook your head in disgust and turned around.
Making your way down the stairs again you were glad that you didn't drink since you needed to drive home as soon as possible before you collapsed and started crying.
It was one thing to know that Gavi was sleeping with other girls, but it was another to see how he fucked one.
ONE WEEK LATER:
"There's a problem tho." Pedri looked at you in the review mirror. Gavi was sitting next to Pedri in the passangers seat, white shorts and a white shirt which was hugging his muscles perfectly, meanwhile you were sitting behind Pedri, behind Gavi was Aurora.
Your attention shifted back to Gavi, his legs sread widely and his phone in its black phonecase in his lap.
He was also wearing black sunglasses and as always, he was chewing gum.
"Hm?" You turned your attention back to Pedri after you've observed Gavi for the hundredth time today.
"There aren't enough rooms. So Sira and Ferran share one, Aurora and Javi and obviously I'll sleep in a room with Fermin, that leaves Gavi and you. So you'll have to share." Pedri explained and you saw how Gavi immediately turned his head to face the Canarian.
So after a long discussion and pleading Pedri still wasn't able to find a solution, so you did have to share with Gavi.
After you arrived at the gigantic house you rented, you went to eat together and then it was already half past 12. So everyone quickly got back home and then got ready for bed.
While you were already in bed, Gavi was standing in front of the tv, staring down at his phone in his palm.
"Not the first time we share a bed hm?" Gavi mumbled and a small smile was heard, since he was facing you with his back, you couldn't tell if he was actually smiling or not.
"So you wanna fuck again, I know you've missed my dick." Gavi finally turned around and walked round the bed to take off his socks. Then he got into the bed next to you and turned off the lights. There was a few minutes of silence between the two of you.
"Mhm, except that I wouldn't know any other dicks at all." You mumbled quietly to yourself, you were a hundred percent sure that he didn't hear it until he looked up at you.
"Sorry?" Gavi's head shot up immediately and he sat up in the dark room. He turned to look at you while you just looked up at the ceiling.
"What did you say?" Gavi put his hand on your arm and you turned your gaze to face him.
"I was a virgin" You mumbled quietly and Gavi's jaw dropped. He looked away for a few seconds and then back to you.
"I took your virginity?" He asked while you slowly nodded his head. He stood up and started walking around the room while his left hand was in his hair and his right covering his mouth.
"If you would've told me i would've never slept with you" Gavi turned around to face you who was now also sitting up on the bed.
"Exactly" You mumbled and Gavi looked at you with a shocked expression, everything else was quiet in the house, only the two of you talking.
"Yeah but babe you can't just not tell me, you're supposed to have the first time with someone you love and trust." Gavi's voice broke in the middle of the sentence since he was talking a bit louder now. You just prayed that nobody would accidentally overhear something.
"You're matching the acquirements." You answered shortly and then turned around in the bed again. Gavi's jaw dropped and he looked at the back of your head.
"You can't go to sleep now, we need to talk." Gavi walked to the side of the bed and looked at you, your eyes were looking at the floor, trying to ignore him standing infront of you. It became difficult when he kneeled down.
"Babe we need to talk." Gavi said in a serious voice. You did genuinely see the concern in his face.
"Leave me alone Gavi, I wanna sleep." You hummed while your throat hurt. You were about to cry and Gavi also noticed by your voice shaking.
"You can't just say something like this and then go to sleep." Gavi mumbled loudly, he was so energetic in the moment, that just completely woke him up.
"Or what? You're gonna fuck some slut right before my eyes again?" You shot back and Gavi's eyes widened a bit.
"I-" Gavi was speechless and in loss for words. He didn't know what to say. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Gavi asked, ignoring the question and leaned forward a little bit.
"Oh yeah Gavi, you want me to tell you, the absolute fuckboy whose bodycount is over 60 that I have feelings for you?" You sat up and asked that loudly. You felt stupid for even telling him, now he won't leave you alone.
"I stopped, I havent seen anyone in 2 weeks." Gavi mumbled and scratched the back of his head. Everytime neither of you talked, there was an awkward silence in the room, not to speak about the tension which was growing every second that passed.
"Am i supposed to be proud of you now?" You raised your eyebrows while you asked in a cocky tone.
The midfielder turned his gaze away from you for a second before his head shot back to face you. "Let me make it up to you"
You looked at him confused but still angrily. "What and how?"
"Let's pretend you're still a virgin and let us go again." Gavi suggested. You were about to loose your mind.
"Didn't you say that it has to be someone who loves me?" Gavi stayed quiet after you said that. "Is it just for you to fuck me again?"
"No, I'm gonna make love to you, with aftercare, you deserve to have a normal first time, not the one I gave you. So let's forget it." Your stomach twisted at his words and you almost started sobbing.
"No, you don't love me so what's the point." You asked and Gavi looked away for a second again.
"But-"
"Gavi just shut up and let me sleep, you're a dick, can't change anythung about that." With that you turned around and closed your eyes. Gavi left you alone and just got next to you into bed, careful not to touch you.
The next day by the time you woke up, Gavi was already downstairs talking to the others.
You got ready upstairs and just as you made sure that you looked completely okay, you went downstairs.
Pedri, Fermin, Gavi, Sira, Ferran, Javi and Aurora were sitting at the table, chatting ro eachother. Some of them turned their heads when they heard you coming, but Aurora's and Sira's face filled with a smile immediatly. Sira waved you over and you sat down at the empty chair next to Aurora and Sira placed a plate of eggs and bread infront of you immediately.
"Gavi go and make her a shake." Aurora yelled over to her brother and she caught him looking at you, she however decided to ignore it since he isn't suspicious for looking at people.
"How did you sleep?" Sira asked and you just gave her a thumbs up while your eyes followed Gavi who walked over to the kitchen. That house was still so big and it's so freaking annoying that there weren't enough rooms. Your attention shifted to Aurora again as soon as she pulled out her phone to check today's program.
"Okay so, we're going on a yacht today as you already know I think," Aurora began to explain and Sira nodded her head. However you looked at Aurora confused.
"I didn't know but okay." You mumbled.
"Yeah, we're going on a yacht and then we'll go swimming and today evening we'll go and eat at a fancy restaurant." Aurora said and Sira smiled while nodding her head.
"That means we're going to wear those awesome dresses we brought for a reason." Sira smiled even brighter and you couldn't help but smile too.
After that you went upstairs to get ready and pack your things for the yacht. You went into the bathroom and wore your bikini underneath the shirt and the shorts you were going in.
While you walked out the bathroom, ready to go, you saw Gavi getting changed. His shirt was in his hand and he was shirtless, you however tried to not look at him and walked out the door.
After that you sat into the car with Aurora again and the others were going in the other car.
When you arrived at the yacht, Ferran had already spoken to the owner you rented it from. So then you all got on board and you girls at first went inside while the boys were outside.
"This is huge tho" Sira looked around and you nodded your head as you explored the inside.
"Let's go outside and check it out too." You said and you slid the glass door to the side to access the outside of the boat.
After you looked at everything you put on sunscreen and then sat down on the couch inside.
You pulled out your phone and started checking youe messages while everyone was outside having fun.
Suddenly you heard someone come inside. "Come outside." A shirtless Gavi was standing over you, looking down at you while you were facing his crotch.
"Mhm, in a second." Without even looking up at him you said that.
"In a second my ass." Suddenly Gavi lifted up your hips and put them on his shoulder. You quickly threw your phone on the couch.
"Gavi put me down" You cried as you couldn't help but laugh nervously at the same time. Your fists kept hitting his back but he wouldn't stop walking. So as he got out to the back of the yacht where Javi and Fermin were sitting they both laughed at you.
"Ay Hermano let that poor girl down." Fermin told Gavi who turned around and smiled at Fermin.
"Let her down you said?" Gavi asked and turned around, in that moment he gripped your hips and you felt yourself fall into the water a few seconds later.
Swimming up to the surface you looked up at Gavi who was laughing down at you, you couldn't help but smile a bit as he held his hand towards you to pull you out.
Then you grabbed his hand with both of yours and pulled him into the water, so then as quickly as possible you got on the yacht again and started running up the stairs where the sunbeds were.
Gavi left you alone after that because he thought he deserved it. Atleast you thought so, because a few seconds after you sat down and exchanged a few words with Aurora and Sira, Gavi also came up the stairs.
You fell back into the sunbed and looked at him come towards you while you crossed your arms.
He then put his right knee on the sunbed on your left side. He came super close to you as he was on his knees over you, his hands gripping the oart where you're supposed to lean back.
Sira and Aurora were watching, their mouths slightly fell open. That was until you gave Aurora that "help me" look.
She stood up and patted Gavi's shoulder.
"Hermano get off of her. Come on." She mumbled and Gavi moved his gaze from looking at his sister, to you one last time.
So he did, he went back to the boys again, and after you looked at Sira and Aurora their eyes were widened.
"Okay what was that?" They asked while the water was still dripping from your hair.
"I have no idea." You lied and then laid down on the sunbed comfortably.
About 30 minutes later of you enjoying the sun with the girls, Gavi's voice was heard again. You opened your eyes and saw that he was wet, water dripping from his hair.
Then Ferran and Pedri also appeared next to him. They were all wet, you assumed that they just came out of the water.
"Don't you dare come near me" You told them and walked over to the huge couch covered in matresses, then closed your eyes again, however as soon as you did that Gavi smiled at Pedri and at Ferran and sneaked closer to you quietly. He then quickly laid down on top of you and your eyes immediately shot open.
"Gavi, get off of me." You mumbled as you tried to push him off by his shoulders. However he didn't move an inch but instead he rolled over onto the other matress so that you were now on top of him. His hands wrapped around you tightly so that you had no space to escape, after a while you just gave up.
"Can you get off of me now?" You asked Gavi after 2 minutes and he nodded his head. He then sat down next to you and you fixed your bikini awkwardly.
Gavi looked down on the floor while the others were having their own conversations.
He thought about you sitting next to him, his head was a mess since yesterday. Cause ever since you mentioned that he didn't love you, he couldn't help but notice how pretty you actually were, how pretty your smile was, how funny you were and how you always bring up the mood.
He looked at you every chance he could and sometimes he caught himself daydreaming about you.
He didn't know why this was happening so suddenly, but Aurora pulled him out of his thoughts suddenly. He daydreamed again.
"You wanna come and eat?" His sister asked him, he nodded his head while he pushed himself off of the couch, he didn't even notice that you already went inside the yacht.
So Gavi was thoughtfull and quiet the next four days, until you were all sitting in a fancy restaurant.
You had to sit next to Gavi since that was the only empty seat when you arrived.
You put your hand against your forehead and groaned silently. All of you had already finished the food a while ago. So you groaning caught Gavi's attention.
"Are you okay?" He leaned closer to you while he whispered in a quiet voice.
"I don't feel good." You mumbled and Gavi lifted up his hand and pressed it against your forehead.
"You don't have a fever" He mumbled and you only shrugged your shoulders. "You wanna go home? I'll go with you." Gavi stood up without even waiting for you to answer. So you immediately also pushed back the chair and then all eyes were on you.
"I'm not feeling too well, we're gonna go home." You told everyone and they didn't mind. So you and Gavi walked home since it was only like 10 minutes, as soon as you arrived and went to your room, you laid down and held your head.
"Can we talk?" Gavi asked and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"About" You sat up to look at Gavi fidgeting with his hands after he sat up.
"I've been thinking about you," He paused while he admitted. "a lot..."
"About me?" You raised your eyebrows and then he nodded his head while he made eye contact. Every noticed that drastic change in Gavi's character. The way his ego wasn't so high, he wasn't as arrogant as he was before and he wasnt as cocky as he used to be.
You also noticed it but you thought that he just couldn't survive without his one night stands.
"I think I have developed some kind of romantic feelings for you." Gavi's mouth fell slightly open but you just stared at him.
"No, don't do that Gavi, I know you're just horny and want to make it up to me, or make it seem like it." You stood up and began walking around the room.
"No, no, Y/n I swear, I'm serious. I have never ever felt something like this before." Gavi also stood up and grabbed your arms, holding you in one place.
"Can you prove it?"
"I'll take you out, on a date. Whenever you want." Gavi suggested and you looked at the floor for a couple of seconds.
"Fine. Good, but wait till we're home."
So he did wait, after you arrived home from Ibiza, almost immediately the text message from Gavi came in.
"The day after tomorrow, does seven pm sound good?" You read the text out loud and then threw your head back before texting back a quick. "Okay"
The day after tomorrow came by quicker than you would've thought. Soon you were anxiously walking around in your apartment, waiting for Gavi's text that he was there to pick you up.
As soon as your phone lit up you went down and saw Gavi's black audi standing in front of your apartment complex.
Opening the door you sat inside and was met with Gavi's smile. "Hey" He smjled as he scanned your body. "You look beautiful."
"Thank you" You tried so hard not to blush as you looked outside your window to avoid eye contact.
"Are you ready for our date?" Gavi asked after a while, he was driving fairly outside the city by now until he arrived at a restaurant.
"Yeah, kinda." Was the only thing you answered to that question. It was kind of awkward as of by now.
"Wait" Gavi told you before getting out of the car, he slammed the door shut and walked over to your side. He opened the door for you and gave you his hand to step out, which was definitely not needed but you acceptdd anyways. His hand was warm and soft, you didnt let it go after, but instead he interlocked his fingers with yours and locked the car meanwhile.
While the two of you walked over to the restaurant it was silent.
"Hey, we have a reservation for Pablo Gavira" Gavi said as the waiter came up to you to the door.
The whole evening you two laughed and talked to eachother. It felt like you already knew eachother 4 years.
And about 5 more dates and long long face time calls, Gavi asked to meet you. Although Pedri and his other friends were pretty shocked when they found out that he's going on dates. Gavi didn't tell them who.
"Why are you so smiley Pablito?" Pedri asked as Gavi walked into the locker room with a huge grin on his face.
"I have a date today." Gavi said proudly and sat down infront of his locker. That also grabbed Balde's, Ferran and Fermins attention. It was awfully quiet as Pedri's jaw dropped at the words.
"A date? You? Good joke." Ferran laughed and Gavi shook his head while looking up at Pedri first and then at Ferran.
"I'm serious, I'm thinking about asking her to be my girlfriend today." Gavi smiled and Pedri couldn't help but grin a bit.
"When are we gonna meet her?" Pedri asked but Fermin shook his head.
"Nonono, are we talking about the Gavi who has one night stands every other day and fucks girls like it's in his daily routine? You're telling me you caught real romantical feeling for someone?" Fermin walked closer to Gavi.
"Yeah" He smiled.
"That's insane, we need to meet her. She changed your fuckboy mindset. She's a witch!" Fermin joked and there was laughter heard in the locker room.
"You'll meet her if she says yes. You'll see me with her then." Gavi smiled.
That evening he invited you over to his house from where you could watch over whole Barcelona and watch the sunset.
It was the first time he actually invited you over to his. You have never been in his house before. So you were excited as you stepped onto the doorstep and rung the bell.
"Hey" He opened the door with a smile.
"Hello, how are you?" You stepped into the house and he pulled you into a quick side hug.
"You want to cook something?" He walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter while looking at you.
"You know how to cook?" You joked and raised your brows.
"Of course, what would the madam prefer?" Gavi asked. You two then decided on some simple dish like spaghetti. You were in charge of the noodles and Gavi insisted on making the sauce.
Whilw you two laughed and talked in the kitchen, you noticed that Gavi changed a lot.
If you would've compared him to the Gavi he was two months ago, he's a complete different man.
He's way more talkative and he also opened up to you. He doesn't tell many people what he tells you. He also lost that constant angry expression he had on his face.
You also noticed that something in his eyes changed. Maybe you were hallucinating because you were so in love with him, but you were sure that something changed.
So after you two ate, he dragged you outside to the back of his house.
The garden was huge with a huge pool in the middle of it. You stood to the glass fence that went around his house and looked at the sunset. Gavi stood next to you and what you didn't notice was that he wasn't looking at the sunset but at you.
He scamned every feature of your face, the way your eyes squinted together a bit as the wind blew into your face.
"So I think we need to talk." Gavi then gathered the strength and you turned your head towards him.
"Mhm?" You hummed and your heart was beating like crazy.
"I told you in Ibiza that I like you, a lot. However you said I need to proove it to you, and I definitely prooved to myself that I do have romantical feelings for you. And I want to know if it's still the same for you. So will you be my girlfriend?" Gavi cringed at himself. He never had to ask anyone out before so he had no idea what to think of your smile after he finished.
"I would love to be your girlfriend." You smiled and Gavi couldn't help but chuckle as a huge grin covered his face.
He opened up his arms as you walked into them. You tightened your arms around him as you felt the wind blowing your hair to the side.
-
"When is she coming?" Pedri asked, the team met up at Pedri's house. At least a few of the players went there, not everyone.
"Soon, don't worry." Gavi smiled as everyone looked at him.
"I also invited over Y/n she should also be here in a couple of minutes." Pedri then adds to which Gavi only smiles and focuses on his phone.
A few minutes later you arrive, happily walking into Pedri's house where you found the guys sitting on the sofa.
"Hello!" You smiled at all of them and they all greeted you. You stood infront of the sofa where everyone saw you.
"I thought you were Gavi's girlfriend. I already got excited." Ferran joked and Gavi sighed deeply before standing up.
You saw him grinning at you as he stepped infront of you and wrapped his arm around his waist. His lips met yours and as he pulled away, he stood next to you, arm still wrapped around your waist as you looked at all the shocked faces.
"Okay what?!" Fermin laughed and eased up the tension in the room.
"This is my girlfriend, I dont think I need to interduce the guys to you." Gavi stood next to you proudly and looked at you at the end of his sentence.
"This is shocking. But I'm happy for you two." Pedri smiled and then you nodded your head.
"Thank you."
And so it happened more frequently that you ended uo sleeping at Gavi's place. The more you two have been together, the more times you slept at his house than in your own. You two loved to have early showers together before he had to leave for practice and you for uni.
So one day you two were making out in bed and you smiled against Gavi's lips as he groped your ass and started sliding down your shorts a bit.
"You wanna do it?" You asked as you sat up on his waist.
"Yeah, but can we pretend like it's your first time? I wanna make it up to you." Gavi asked in all seriousness and you nodded your head in agreement.
So as the two of you undressed eachother, he took every opportunity to make you a compliment or just kiss any part of your body.
As he pushed inside you gently, he made sure to always ask. "Are you okay?" Gavi looked at you with a worried look. You nodded your head as he began to slowly move his hips back and fourth.
You felt his tip already grazing your g-spot and you let out a rather loud whimper. He noticed it and leaned forward to connect his lips with yours while he began thrusting into you a bit faster.
"Fuck, yeah." You moaned as you had to detach your lips and his. Even tho you moaning into his mouth made it arguably easier for him to cum but he made you want to come first.
"I love you, youre so beautiful." He began to kiss your body, wherever he could reach while pounding you into his bed. After a while he began to rub your clit and you arched your back up against, he did that until your legs start shaking like crazy.
Gavi then lifted up your right leg and put it over his own shoulder. That allowed him to reach even deeper. You didn't even last 5 minutes in that position.
You clenched hard around him and he sent you into over sensitivity by him rubbing your clit. As he pulled out of you, he started rubbing his tip against your clit awhile pumping his hand up and down his dick and eventually coming over your stomach.
You were still in a shock state, your legs still spread wide open and Gavi standing over them as he was breathing heavily.
You gathered a bit of your strenght and propped yourself up on your shoulder. Gavi looked at you, so you decided to tease him.
You reached your finger down to your stomach and scooped up a bit of his cum, putting it into your mouth.
"Joder" He mumbled as he let his head hang low again. Then he scooped you up pretty easily and carried you to the shower.
"After this we're going back to dominant sex. I need to let my dick out again." Gavi smiled while you just shook your head and got into the shower.
"Try thinking with your brain and not your dick. That helps." You gave him a sarcastic smile to which he slapped your butt.
"Pssst babe, we both know you're a bottom, accept it." he told you while he turned on the water and you took a step back.
"Yeah you shush or I'm gonna cut of your dick." As soon as you said that Gavi burst out laughing and threw his head back.
You just shook your head as you stood below the water. The warm water running down your body felt good, your skin was all sticky and sweaty.
"You know I love you right?" Gavi wrapped his arms around you from behind and started kissing your neck.
"I love you too, do you know that?" You turned around to face him. He kissed your lips as you both were now standing below the water.
Both of you shared a long and passionate kiss with eachother. It was hard tdying to shower when you two couldnt get enough of eachother.
But you somehow managed to finish and then changed and went to bed. As the two of you were laying in silence, Gavi's arms wrapped around tightly from behind, he suddenly spoke up.
"Did you enjoy it though?" Gavi whispered, not sure if you were asleep or not.
"I did, thank you." You whispered back to which Gavi leaned forward to kiss your neck again.
You turned your body around so that you were able to face him. You smiled as you looked at him.
"You hated me because I tackled you." You reminded him while you laughed. Gavi scoffed and covered his face with his hands.
"It was a big blow for my ego, okay?" He said in his defence but you shook your head while laughing.
"Okay okay, how many women have you slept with before?" You asked out of curiosity, but Gavi gave you a weird look.
"But you won't get mad?" He raised his eyebrows to which you only shook your head. "Okay so I had this system, I didn't just sleep with random women or girls. I had 34 models or just influencers who were famous themselves, whenever I wanted to fuck them, I called and they agreed immediately. After I was done, I immediately left and then ignored them for a month. I never slept with any girl twice a month." Gavi explained and you smiled at his words.
"That is sick, so you had sex every day?" You smiled a bit while you asked.
"Not every day, but most days. Pedri was always scolding me for how I can concentrate on sex and football at the same time." Gavi couldn't help but smile as he saw your face.
You knew that he was sleeping with other women. Many articles said that he was a bit of a player but you never actually heard him talking about it.
The only people that knew about Gavi's player era, were Pedri and now you.
"You know what saying I believe in?" you sat up and moved a strand of Gavi's hair on the side of his forehead.
"Hm?" He hummed as he ooked at you with eyes full of love.
"There'll always be a reason why you meet people.
Either you need to change your life,
or you're the one that'll change theirs."
394 notes · View notes
inbarfink · 9 months
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Any analysis of how Undertale deals with Pacifism and how it tries to guide the Player towards it has to take a deep look at Papyrus. Because Papyrus is the one character in the game who will never kill, the one actual ‘True Pacifist’ in the game’s main cast. 
I mean, the Player can be an even bigger Pacifist. Papyrus does still FIGHT, and the Player can get through an entire run without draining a single sliver of HP. But… they can also be the world’s biggest murderbastard and literally stab reality to death. 
Toriel would very much like to not kill, but she is also fully capable of doing so.
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Same with Asgore, but he has a lot more actual blood on his hands. Undyne and Mettaton are both fully 100% willing to kill to accomplish their goals. Sans is non-violent in most runs because he’s too lazy and depressed to do anything, and when he is motivated into actions - it is in the form of a FIGHT to the death. Alphys… the timeline is a bit fuzzy cause both she and Mettaton love lying so much, but it seems like she did sincerely add deadly weapons to Mettaton cause killing humans would make him more 'useful' and then had second thoughts once she developed a parasocial relationship with the Human Child and THEN she and Mettaton started hatching their little play-acting plan. I think??
With Papyrus there is NONE of this ambiguity, we know for sure - no matter what timeline or what may come - The Great Papyrus will always choose MERCY.
And the interesting thing about that is on a Meta-Sense, Papyrus is a very rare example of the game giving MERCY towards the Player. 
Because the game starts out being really obtuse with the Sparing mechanic and how it works. If you want to be a Pacifist in Undertale from the get-go, you’re gonna have to work for it. You're gonna have to figure it out on your own and commit to it and believe that it's possible. It's basically a test of your own belief in non-violence and your moral integrity. Then, the RUINS end with the Toriel boss battle - in a way, that’s probably the hardest Sparing puzzle in the whole game. And it’s very very easy to accidentally kill her. (I’d almost say that’s the intention of the battle, to try to goad the Player into Resetting so they can see how the game remembers across RESETs)
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And then we have Papyrus, and it’s not just that his ‘Sparing Puzzle’ is something as simple as outlasting him and letting him run out of dialogue - and it’s not just that he’s the only boss that will just give up and let you continue if you lose to him enough times. it’s also that, just as Papyrus is the only boss incapable of accidentally killing the Player - he’s also the only boss that the player is incapable of accidentally killing.
(Okay, fine, to be pedantic, there’s also Asgore)
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I mean, the Player can certainly kill him if they want to - but draining Papyrus’s HP just makes him skip through his battle dialogue right to the end of it. It’s designed in such a way that, no matter what Route you're on and no matter what approach you take with Papyrus - you will always end up on this screen.
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Unlike basically any other Monster in this game, including the major boss battle just before him - you can’t kill Papyrus accidently. You can't kill him without also having Sparing him as an option. The game kinda treats killing Papyrus as one of the Worst Things You Can Do because killing Papyrus will always be a deliberate, considered action done to a person who will not kill you and who has stopped wanting to FIGHT and has extended a hand of Mercy. With the game clearly communicating what you need to do to Spare him at that moment.
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And that means that - even if you killed before, even if you don’t have the patience of a True Pacifist, even if you spent all this time in the game without even trying to engage with the Sparing mechanic… as long as you don’t want to be a Huge Rat Bastard, the game is basically gifting you with the very very easy option to not be. Being a Pacifist in Undertale is usually a challenge - a puzzle to be solved, a test to pass. But as long as you aren’t intentionally trying to be the Worst Person - the game is basically giving you Papyrus. 
If you accept his Mercy, you are accepting the game’s Mercy. That sort of benefit-of-the-doubt assumption that maybe all of the LOVE you might have accumulated so far was all due to honest mistakes or panic or an attempt in self-defense. That you still deserve this one chance to prove that you are not intentionally, maliciously cruel - or at least not like the Worst Person in the World. Even if you did kill before, you still deserve at least one friend.
And Sparing Papyrus leads you to his wonderful Hangout/Dating Sequence and to his Phone Calls and they all add so much wholesome charm to the Undertale experience and no matter what happens Papyrus will always think the best of the Player and he will always trust them and it also makes Sans also kinda your buddy by default. And more than just adding a little bit of wholesome charm into even the more LOVE-filled Playthroughs, I think this is meant to try and incentivize these players into trying out the Mercy mechanic a bit more.
Whatever it’s, like, for future playthroughs or Resetting the game right there to try a True Pacifist Run right there and then or just trying to be a little kinder for the rest of this current playthrough - especially since there’s an emphasis about the close friendship Papyrus has with the upcoming boss Undyne, and to a lesser extent with his idol and next-next boss battle Mettaton. It’s like “well, if you didn’t figure out how to spare before, this is how you do it? And isn’t it nice to have a friend? Isn’t it nice to not have to kill this lovable skeleton man? You should do this more often wink wink nudge nudge!”
And it’s like… all of Papyrus’ loved ones care about him so much but they also look down on his pacifism. They see his inability to kill and desire to make friends as simple naivete and that’s why all tend to hide the truth from him all the time. About what will happen to the Human he will capture, about what his new Human friend might’ve done, about the fact that they view him as so naïve. 
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They admire it on some level, that’s why they want to protect it, but they also see it as a weakness which is why they want to protect it by lying to him all the time. But, you know, Undyne says that if Papyrus goes into battle he’ll be ‘ripped into little smiling shreds’ and that is certainly what happens every time a Player chooses to refuse Papyrus’ Mercy and the game’s Mercy and press that FIGHT button…
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But have you thought about all the times that doesn’t happen? All the careless or violent players who were offered that skeletal hand of friendship, accepted it and then carried that offered kindness forward for the rest of the game? All the players motivated to do good for the sake of their buddy Papyrus? All the Murder Routes stopped because the player just didn’t have it in them to kill someone who believes in them so earnestly?
Like, no, it’s not a surefire thing - especially since Papyrus has so much less narrative power than the Actual Unkillable Time God that is the Player. But it happened, and it happened many many times to many players. Papyrus offered Mercy, the game offered Mercy. And much like Frisk’s Pacifism, it comes from a place of seeing the honest goodness in your ‘enemy’ and can inspire them to become a better person - this little sparkle of goodness being passed forwards. 
And I think that’s beautiful, even if it didn’t happen in every timeline. Any potential future where Papyrus’ kindness can have such an effect on the Player and thus the entire trajectory of the Underground validates his kindness and pacifism on some level - even if there are also always the potential worlds that it backfires completely. 
And there’s also one other way in which the Great Papyrus Proves Pacifism Pays. One that is a bit more practical, perhaps. And one that Papyrus himself is not even aware of. 
Papyrus’ boss battle can be a surprisingly challenging one specifically because he is the only one who doesn’t kill the Player.
Like there is a reason why Papyrus will just offer you to skip his Fight after you lose to him three times, because if he didn’t do that - there’s an honest risk that the Player can get stuck in a much stuckier way than anywhere else in the game. 
Because, like, for basically any other character in the game, being killed is the Worst Thing that could ever happen to them. For everyone except the actual Player Character because we are an Actual Unkillable Time God and dying is nothing more than a minor annoyance that sets you back to your last SAVE Point. So, leaving aside Papyrus’ admirably kind intentions - there is not much material difference from the Player’s perspective between getting Captured and getting a more traditional GAME OVER. Except…
Except getting Captured does not undo everything that happened in your inventory during the battle. In every other Undertale battle, if you use all of your items but still lose - the GAME OVER at least means you get your stuff back. But because Papyrus doesn’t kill you, any healing item you’ve used during the battle is still used. I have watched so many Undertale Let’s Players waste all of their valuable items on their first Papyrus battle and then have to face him again without them and thus do even worse in their second go… and then their third go... and thankfully then Papyrus offers them to skip the fight.
And while that technically can be circumvented by just manually closing the game and opening it back again on their pre-battle SAVE Point, a lot of players are gonna reflexively Save over it if they pop over to the Shop or the Snowed Inn before their second attempt at the battle. If Papyrus didn’t offer that chance to skip his battle, it could’ve easily become a softlock situation for a huge chunk of players - because he doesn’t kill the Player.
Most of Undertale deals with the value of non-violence from a standpoint of morality and kindness and personal connections. Since most people do die when they get killed. But when dealing with an Unkillable Time God like the Player, Papyrus proves that not-killing might actually be the most practical solution.
Of course, it doesn’t seem like Papyrus is aware of any of this. From his perspective, he is just offering genuine mercy to a being just as ephemeral as he is. But it accidentally turned into one of the most effective methods of blocking the Player’s way… at least he didn’t offer us an opt out so soon after that. 
And it’s interesting when comparing him to how his brother Sans - one of the few people actually aware of the existence of SAVEs and RESETs - deals with the Player. Because the Sans boss battle at the end of the Murder Route is entirely based on the concept that death is nothing but an annoyance to the Player. Sans is less trying to kill the Player (the way Undyne the Undying did), he is simply trying to annoy the Player into a ragequit. But he is still killing the Player.
Now imagine a Sans battle where he has all of his usual annoying tricks, but also instead of killing you - he captures you just like his brother would’ve in a happier timeline. And while it’s not a fool-proof plan to stop the Player in their tracks - he could very easily stick them in that sort of softlock situation where they have to battle him again and again without any Healing Items. Forcing them to either abandon the game or RESET the whole world back the way it was - just like Sans wants them too. 
But instead, by killing the Player, he is just allowing that perfect second-third-fourth-fifth-sixth-try where they get all of their Stuff back. And he does actually knows that. And why doesn’t he do that? (Speaking here from an in-universe character study perspective. Obviously the Doylist answer is that the game doesn’t want to Softlock you even in the most deliberately-frustrating part of the game).
Maybe, even though he intellectually knows that killing the Player will be of no help - he still does it because he wants to. Because he just wants to get back at the evil murderous monster that took his brother from him and destroyed his entire world even if he knows it’s actually ineffective. And this thirst for bloodshed is, ironically, blinding him from a new exciting way to actually practically stop that murderous bastard who is themself motivated entirely by bloodshed. 
Maybe he just can’t do something like that. Reducing an enemy to exactly one HP and then stopping is not a feat anyone else in the game is capable of pulling off - even the ones who would obviously use such a thing (like Toriel or a Player with a Pacifist intentions). Maybe it’s something that requires a lot of hard practice and discipline and carefulness, that Sans never thought to put in because he didn’t see it as a useful skill the way Papyrus did. 
Maybe that wouldn’t have worked anyways. After all, and that’s something I kinda touched on in a previous Overly Long Rambly Hot Take - Sans’ War of Attrition against the Player is greatly helped by the fact he can’t remember every single previous try and so he can’t get exhausted the way the Player can get. Obviously, without a GAME OVER induced RESET that will not apply. Which is especially notable because… Sans’ laziness is literally what brings him down at the end of that Boss Battle. 
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So maybe, while Papyrus, as long as you decline his offer to skip the battle, is capable of offering just the same Battle as before over and over and over again.... It’s possible that Sans just won’t be able to pull off two or three or more battles of the same intensity and difficulty in a row without a RESET to undo his own exhaustion. 
But I think it’s at least worth considering the option, y’know? That after all this time of viewing Papyrus’ kindness as sweet-and-yet-kinda-foolish-naïveté - that exact viewpoint made Sans overlook the perfect solution to dealing with his little Murderous Time God problem. Cause he just never considered that while killing might be fully morally justifiable in this situation and very very satisfying, that does not necessarily mean it is actually the most practical solution. And that maybe, in a weirdly twisted way, Pacifism WAS the answer.  
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iwendix · 3 months
Text
WE'RE TIED,
WE'RE BOUNDED
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request: "nsfw where we are the bride by obligation of harin and since suji arrived it caught our attention so when suji wants to recruit us to finish the pyramid game one thing leads to another or something like that". | me: well, something like that. maybe I went a little overboard with the size of the sfw part, but I hope you'll still like it!! it's actually my first time writing to request, so I'll try to be get more skilled in the future🫶🏻 |
𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: not proofreaded(probably misspellings, etc), smut with a plot. harin being kinda manipulative. possessive!harin, mentioning of harin's abandonment issues. fingering, rough sex, harin being mad, harin swearing, dom!harin, sub!reader, guilt bringing, guilty!reader, fingering, edging, arranged marriege(mentioned like soon to be thing), harin called reader a bitch a couple of times. y/n using, harin teasingly call reader wife/wifey.
𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: reader and harin have been connected since their childhood, this is something normal for the children of businessmen and you are both used to it. “You'll get married and our companies will unite, it'll be beneficial!” — that's what you always heard from your parents. though, you liked harin, really and sincerely. but when suji appeared out of nowhere with this idea of her's about destroying harin's game, you saw it as an opportunity. a mistake. you shouldn't have allowed yourself to be blinded by false hope.
you, dayeon and doah — victims of circumstances and as doah once said: “victims of your parents’ ambitions and hunger for success in business". to some extent this was true, because from the moment you were children you had to constantly spend time with harin and each other. no one cared whether you wanted it or not, the main thing was that your parents wanted it that way. doah was never delighted with this situation, but she also never resented it too much, especially openly. she is too rational to be angry about something that she can't change or control. but dayeon is a completely different matter... emotional, hot tempered and in general have absolutely no tolerance to everything that annoyed her. you and doah offen “ground” her so that she doesn’t do or say anything to harin out of emotion that would lead her to being beaten by her father. seems that in your so called friend group you were the most positive about this whole situation. of course, sometimes it made you feel depressed, like you didn't even exist as a person at all, like you only existed as just an appendage to harin. or at least, this is how your father and mother treated you. anyway, you never blamed harin for this, on the contrary, as kids you two got along very well and one even can say that you became attached to harin. maybe this is one of the reasons why you're so resigned to the fact that in the future you'll be obliged to marry her. everything went as usual: harin enjoyed her game, you sometimes spent time together and, as always, she didn't understand od felt the fact that your feelings for her were sincere, genuine and real, hat you really liked her and wasn't around only because your parents told you to be.. well, or maybe she just pretended to don't understand.
your almost calm and already familiar life has changed with the arrival of a new girl. this new girl — son suji, from the very beginning seemed somehow unusual, there was something in her that wasn't in jaeun and other students. it was something decisive, something that screamed about thw problems she can cause. when you find out about her desire to deal with the game, your first thought and instinct was to tell harin as fast as possible.i mean, she loves the game so much!... she loves this game, she finds peace in it, even though, game is leading to violence mostly. It was a difficult choice: let the game be and let harin be happy or join suji and destroy the game, but harin will be devastated. you were thinking about whether you should tell harin about suji's plan but in the end you were able to pull yourself together and keep quiet. you wanted to see harin happy, you really did, and although the game made her happy, it also destroyed her to the same extent. continuing the pyramid game harin only drowned out her pain and put it in the far corner, hiding it so deep that no one could ever reach it. but in fact, this is still the same harin, the same traumatized little girl who can't forgive people for what they did to her. you thought that if the game will end harin would have to face reality, sharply and openly, without all her so painstakingly built protective walls. it would be difficult, but you would be there for her, so it won't be that bad, right?
you tried to be careful, tried not to be suspicious and too obvious but harin is too smart and attentive not to notice your strange behavior and that you suddenly began to spend time with suji and her company. she was watching what was going on with you, she wanted to make sure exactly what you were doing, cuz accusing you of something that you were not involved in would be stupid.
one day harin called you to the principal's office. of course, even the principal herself was not there as often as harin, you, dayeon and doa were there but still. you thought that this was an ordinary meeting of your “group of friends” and when you entered the room you expected to see all three, but to your surprise only harin was here. she was sitting on the headmistress's desk, her legs crossed, and her head tilted to the side, thoughtfully. her fingers hold the cigarette, her lips wrap around the filter and she takes a puff, after a few seconds releasing a stream of smoke, making you wrinkle your nose a little from the smell of nicotine that filled the room. harin's attention switched to you when she heard the door have been opened. she looks at you up and down, as if sizing you, got up from the table and walked to the door. her shoulder brushed against yours, the door is closer. it bothered you a little but you didn't pay too much attention to it. Kharin walked again to the headmistress’s desk, leaned her elbows on it and called you closer. her eyes glare into yours and she shakes off the ashes directly onto the floor and speaks.
"how are you doing lately, wifey?" she says it indifferently, but you can't help but frown a little at her words. did she really just called you "wifey"?... this is a teasing nickname that dayeon and wooyi gave you when they first heard that yours and harin's parents were planning to get you two married. you sighed and just nodded, meaning that you're fine. harin raises an eyebrow at this and takes another drag on the cigarette, her plump, pink lips wrapped around cigarette... focus. you need to focus.
"everything's alright, you say? hm. then tell me, am I blind?"
you confused by her question but shake your head.
"then maybe I'm deaf?"
you shake your head again.
"mhm... do you think I'm stupid then?"
you're even more confused now. "no, of course i don't think so. what are you talking about, harin-ah?..."
harin takes one last drag on her cigarette before throwing it on the floor, stepping on it with the tip of her lacquered shoe and trampling cigarette. her hands rise to the collar of your shirt, first gently touching it, as if simply straightening it, and then she sharply tugs on it, pulling you towards herseld, causing you to stagger, almost falling and yelp, grabbing her shoulder to maintain your balance.
"then why do you think that I don't know what suji is planning? why do you think that I don’t know that you’re involved?" harin clicks her tongue, her hand comes up to your chin, at first just lifting it, forcing you to look into her eyes, and then squeezing it a little. "you know, I trusted you. yes, a little, but it's still more than my trust to others."
you open your mouth to speak, to explain that you didn’t do and didn’t want anything bad for her, but you are interrupted when harin squeezes your chin painfully and interrupts you. "shut up."
you fall silent, just bite the inside of your cheek, trying to distract yourself from the pain in your chin and harin's piercing gaze that digs right into your eyes.
"you know, our parents have been planning our wedding since childhood. uou never had a say in this, did you? mm, but by the way, I was kinda the initiator of this. I once said as a child that I wanted to marry you, and my grandma really took it seriously because it’s good for business. I've always thought that you're a little... more reasonable than dayeon, doa and others, that's why I chose you. i thought all this have some sense and meaning to you too. seems, I was wrong." Harin's grip on your chin weakens and her hand trails to your cheek, stroking it gently. In different situation, you would have been glad of such an affection from her, but now it felt like something empty.
"you wanted to destroy the game, right? destroy the only thing I value? and how can you do this to me, y/n? conscience doesn't gnaw you at all?"
with every word she says, you begin to feel guilt it gathers drop by drop, turning into a whole damn ocean which will overflow its shores if harin continued just a little bit longer and push just a little harder.
"silent? well, of course, of course... maybe that's why your parents don't really care about you." she shrugs as if it was the most normal thing to say. you know that when harin upset she is far from nice, so you're not surprised when she said something like that. besides, you always knew that your parents didn’t really care about you... but still, you’d be lying if you said that it didn’t upset you.
"I'm disappointed." she added, and yeah, you can see it, disappointment etched in her eyes and you can see that she is stressed too. considering her abandonment issues, the fact that you were interested in suji's plan must have hit harin harder than she lets on. suddenly harin grabs your hips and with a sharp movement turns you around, lifting you up and placing you on the principal's desk, almost pinning you to it. her fingers they found a way to the collar of your shirt, simply tearing off the top button, revealing a view of your neck. the tip of the nose touches your neck, and the tongue smoothly traces a line along your vein. she is so close that you can smell her perfume: delicate, sweet, and an admixture of such a sharp aroma of tobacco. this combination of different aroma is already familia her habds gripping your hips almost painfully, forcing you to bite your lip to keep yourself from squeeking. you know that harin is stressed and upset, she needs it. her lips leave imprints of light pink lip gloss on your neck, wet kisses placed all over your neck. her knee move between your legs, pushing your soft thighs apart, and finally her knee presses against your crotch, giving you some friction. a quiet gasp leaves you and at that moment harin nibbled on your neck and sucked on your skin, leaving red mark, which in the future will become a small bruise, she loves to leave hickeys on you, to feel control. she's a little more rough today, more harsh than usually and you understand that you really hurt her, even if you didn't mean to in the first place. harin gets rid of your shirt and pulls your skirt and panties down to your knees. she says that you are already wet, but of course, today she'll torture you a little, she'll make sure you know that she is upset with you. her gentle hands gripping your waist so tightly, that there will probably be a bruises. she pishe you more onto the table making you literally lay on it, she leans over you, her tongue extends from your neck to your collarbones, paying attention to them, and then to your chest. her lips wrap around one of your nipples, first sucking and then squeezing with her teeth and tugging it. you arch your back, the back of your head hitting the table, but you ignore it, just trying to cope with what harin is now doing to your breast. it’s a bit painful, but your nipples are hard, so this treatment aroused you too. though, harin aroused you always, no matter harsh she or gentle.
"harin..." your voice trembled, she interrupted you.
"how could you do this to me, y/n? wanted to leave me? betray for suji? no, you're mine and that's it. you're only for me... I'll keep you that way..." she sounds confident, dominant even, as if trying to clearly highlight that she is in charge now, that you don't decide anything. but there is also a little trembling in her voice, she's not only stressed but also worried too, as if she is trying to onvince herself that she is still in control of the situation and what is happening between you two.
"spread your legs" harin saud sternly and you do as she asked. she frowned. "I said spread your fucking legs!..." you feel slap on your thigh and hard grip on your ass, you squeek and winced in pain but spread your legs further, trying to please her. harin grunted annoyedly. "what a bitch... why can't you just do what I'm telling you to..." she placed her hands on your knees and pushed them appart even more. fortunately, you have been doing gymnastics since childhood and you're flexible, cuz if you didn’t have such a flexible body, you would already be writhing in pain from such a strong pressure. you're already so wet that wetness even covered the table a little. without warning, harin suddenly pushed two fingers into you all the way, you whimpered, intuitively trying to close your legs but harin give you a stern look and you know better than upset her even more, especially since you're the one who upset her so much already. her lips kiss yours deeply, her tongue insistently pushes into your mouth, and her fingers continued pumping inside you. her movements so fast and harsh, deeper with each thrust. feels like like she's going to reach your cervix if keep moving like this. harin feels that you really lack air and takes pity on you a little, interrupting the kiss and giving you a chance to breathe. her fingers curl inside you, hitting all your sensitive spots and coaxing moans out of you.
"fucking!.... take it!..." harin growled and pushed inside you even more, thrusts so deep and hard that even she herself almost breathless. her digits literally knocks whimpers and high pitched moans out of you. your eyes watering and your legs trembling because of intensity of all this. harin feels the walls of your pussy clench around her fingers, her thumb is on your clitoris, massaging it, and her thrusts do not stop. you're literally at the peak, you can almost feel the nearing release.
"don't even think I'll let you cum now. you won't cum, or I'll fuck your brains out. don't fucking make me upset, y/n."
tears run down your cheeks due to overstimulation, you clenching around harin's fingers so much that it's even getting hard for her to move.
"please... harin i can't.... I'm sorry... I won't leave you, i swear, i never ever wanted to even..." you say, trough gasps for air. harin's eyes softenes a little, as well as her grip on your thighs. her soft spot for you getting better of her. harin's lips on yours, the kiss is much more calm and gentle than last, and her thrusts slowed down, becoming more pleasant than painful. you can't take it anymore, your walls clenching around her for the last time and you feel like everything fading away, pure pleasure etching with some pain in your sore muscles. harin pulls her fingers out off your pink and puffy from her harshness pussy, her knuckles all drenched in your juices, white and slick all over. she brings then to your lips.
"such a mess you made... as always. i guess, it's just the way you are, right? just a messy little girl who don't know better than upset her future wife. clean up, and maybe I'll think about letting you speak about what you have to say. after all, you're mine, who else will ever listen to you?"
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