#so the only thing im sad abt is i was hoping maybe you could choose from 3 different body types | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baekhvuns · 2 years

Note

Me and Hwa are in the same time zone yet I missed his messages cause he texted between 2-4am again. Boy, go to sleep instead of acting romantic 🤚🏻

Btw I had an embarrassing dream about Seonghwa, full delulu mode and I can't stand this WHYYYYY I prefer when my dreams are messed up and nonsensical, that one was too realistic I need to bury myself six feet under, goodbye. It's probably my uterus, hate this bitch so bad it drives me craaaaazyyyyy

"kind of strange that ik exo since debut yet have two albums from them and ik ateez for more than half their time and have their entire discography 😀" - I heard it from so many people bestie, tbh despite me collecting Shinee for +10 years if we exclude the solo stuff I probably have more Ateez things, Stray Kids not sure because surprisingly JYPE is less into releasing things every 2 months hahsjqhdhahsgs. But my Ateez shelf is BUUUUSYYYY

Oh no should've thrown tomatoes at the kids, I'm so sorry you had to experience that 🔫

The only time I cared about people stealing was during inventory cause suddenly things didn't add up 😬 and it's true they don't pay enough so why should we care lol, also it's not like we can actually intervene it's security's job

I remember those Shrek figurines but I didn't have them cause I probably stopped eating McDonald's at that time, but my flatmate had the Puss in Boots one!

I had this doll I think I definitely had a Barbie with a dog so maybe it was her, but I remember her knee broke and I taped and bandaged it aldishusshhsja. I did that highlighter thing too 💀... but I also had a Barbie with hair accessories and you could change her hair colour. Something like this https://www.v2mshop.com/?product_id=129579710_46

The only dolls I have right now are two colour reveal Barbs I got from my friend who collects them. And I still own my Monster High babies, even though they're in a box 😭😅 Monster Monster High come on, don't be shy Monster High the party never dies!!! This song slaps so hard I sang it at a karaoke once 😂

Exactly, I think nowadays there are so many dramas a lot of characters are bland af especially the young ones. I love that we have more and more stories about people aged +25! When it comes to romance the stories are MUCH better, I have pretty low romance tolerance (depends on my mood) so I'm picky.

Three quizzes for you miss:

https://uquiz.com/quiz/Otxmw0?p=2837828

I got this lmaooo, bitch I'm not saving anyone please... I mean maybe I would it depends 🤔

the hunter: these guys might be the ones to come in and save the day, give the final girl a chance to escape or fight back, or they just might be outmatched by the killer and end up a victim themselves. Still, it's usually an interesting match. Arguably the strongest sane character in the movie.

https://uquiz.com/quiz/PLmZn9?p=564924

I have Pirate King but the description WHAT DOES IT MEAN lmao that ain't me for sure https://imgur.com/a/iXFaV8d 🤡

https://uquiz.com/quiz/ZICOep?p=2838767

I got open ending 👀 I actually really like those if I were to choose between an unfinished ending and SAD ending I'm definitely team open, it may be frustrating but I like making up my own theories. - DV 💖

HI!

Me and Hwa are in the same time zone yet I missed his messages cause he texted between 2-4am again. Boy, go to sleep instead of acting romantic 🤚🏻

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 he’s the sneaky link the type to text “you up?” YES BRO I AM 😭😭

FBMWBDKWHDKW PLS IM ABT TO GO SLEEP I JIST HOPE NO DELULU COMES bdb never dreamt abt hwa but bc im writing bodyguard rn yOu bet I WILL,,, WHAT EVEN WAS IT DBDB WHAT DELULU 👁👁

LMFAOOOO FBWNHD NO BC ITS SO TRUE??? i wanna rob ur shinee shelf so bad, i want the view albums so terribly bad u have no idea and sm 🔫 never 🔫 stocks 🔫 BFKWHDKS ATEEZ SHELF ALWAYS BUSY FR FR

Oh no should've thrown tomatoes at the kids, I'm so sorry you had to experience that 🔫

someone yelled at them to stop ☺️☺️

OH??? LMAOOO FBNSHDSJ PPL AT UR WORK LIKE COLLEAGUES ????? 👁 sussy👁 no, so true and then they fire u for not mentioning it as if ur job isn’t a stocker but a security guard 🔫

I remember those Shrek figurines but I didn't have them cause I probably stopped eating McDonald's at that time, but my flatmate had the Puss in Boots one!

OMG I RMR THE PUSS IN BOOTS !!

NAURRRR NOT THE TAPES 😭😭😭😭 i had this hannah montana doll and my brother cut her feet off 🔫 FBMWDJKW DID U SHAMPOO THE HAIR TOO 😭😭😭

omg monster high STOP DO U HAVE A CLEO DOLL???! ROBBING U RN omg ROBBING U 🔫 i have a strawberry shortcake doll 😭😭 and they smell like strawberries and lemons and blueberries too 😭😭

YEAH! def the romance and the writing has improved so much + the way they film now like the quality is truly 🤌🏼🤌🏼 FBWNBDEK no bc some romance just be straight cringe and ur ruins the entire thing even if they fit ur favourite actors 😭😭 omg have u watched w two worlds???

https://uquiz.com/quiz/Otxmw0?p=2837828 I got this lmaooo, bitch I'm not saving anyone please... I mean maybe I would it depends 🤔 the hunter: these guys might be the ones to come in and save the day, give the final girl a chance to escape or fight back, or they just might be outmatched by the killer and end up a victim themselves. Still, it's usually an interesting match. Arguably the strongest sane character in the movie.

i do not claim this energy, id be the third one to die i promise

https://uquiz.com/quiz/PLmZn9?p=564924 I have Pirate King but the description WHAT DOES IT MEAN lmao that ain't me for sure https://imgur.com/a/iXFaV8d 🤡

LMFAOOOO IM SCREAMING FBWNBFJWBDKWHFKWHDKW THE EMOJIS FHWKHDWKDHWK

https://uquiz.com/quiz/ZICOep?p=2838767 I got open ending 👀 I actually really like those if I were to choose between an unfinished ending and SAD ending I'm definitely team open, it may be frustrating but I like making up my own theories. - DV 💖

actually whej i first did this quiz a while back! i got open endings too! i didnt get it back then but now i got

the happy ending :

there's a lot you've had to struggle through. sometimes it even felt like a constant stream of negativity and pain, being swept up into a raging body of water. when you extended your arm to the people on the shore, they thought you were waving. you're such a good swimmer, after all, and you're so nice. even when coughing up saltwater you didn't lash out. you kept smiling and kept pulling others onto the riverbank, kept handing out pieces of advice and pieces of your heart, doing your ultimate best. i wish you'd known that even anger is something to be expressed. that your hurt is something to be pronounced out loud. that your pain is something to be acknowledged and softened. that absolutely nothing about you, not your flailing arms nor your saltwater tears nor your buried anger, is a mistake.

here’s a few for you !!! while i go sleep fbdhdh

1. https://uquiz.com/quiz/tCLOai/how-do-strangers-perceive-you

2. https://uquiz.com/quiz/nKO1Ls/what-do-you-smell-like

3. https://uquiz.com/quiz/rXB8JS/which-shinee-era-are-you?p=1388273

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

0 notes

thisdreamplace · 3 years

Note

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

19 notes · View notes

bsd-bibliophile · 3 years

Photo

Survey Dates: November 15, 2020 - December 15, 2020 Number of Participants: 331

You can view and download the full results here.

Comments:

#BringBackYumeno2020

How cool you included translators in this! You ROCK.

bsd kunikida needs a vacation

Bungou Stray Dogs have been a blessing for me ever since I started watching the series last year. I had lost my drive for reading and writing as a hobby, university and disillusionment with the publishing industry killed that, but now I have been revitalized thanks to the series. Not only did it drive me to go back to writing original works, but I have started writing fanfiction again after almost ten years of hiatus from story writing. The BSD online library has been a blessing not only as a source of research for the writers for my fanfic, but also has been the only way that I have been easily been able to get a hold of some works by the authors in English, my preferred reading language. Please keep up the good work! Thank you so much for everything that you have provided for this fandom.

Buraiha,,,, just them

Do not make me choose between Dazai and Chuuya, I cannot, they are both my favs lol.

for the question about how many books by japanese authors i own, i responded with more

Hello friend! Twain’s my favourite in bsd but this is about japanese literature soooo than 10, but to clarify: they are not all from bsd authors.

hello!! just a quick thank you note!! im polish and variety here in japanese literature (either in polish or english) is very limited, but thanks to your website it's very easy to find works i want to read both by japanese or russian authors. i also like the fact that i can read abt the authors' connections and how they influenced each other in their works, and get some historical context. i want to be a translator in the future, so i'm incredibly grateful for this kind of accessibility. keep up the good work and thank you once again!!! <333 - julia sz

I will like to thank you for all the information that you have supplied us on the tumblr page. Also I will like to know if you have any information about "A New Hamlet" the adaptation Dazai made of Hamlet. You will really help me if you know anything about it.

hi, i really enjoy your blog and "no longer human" as well as "the moon over the mountain" are on my christmas list. i hope to learn more about these authors and i wish you a good day!

Hi! Just hope you have a great day!

I am currently learning Japanese and I hope one day I can read these authors works in Japanese instead of a translation

I am interested in reading literary works translated into languages other than English, but have difficulty finding ways to read them. For BSD, I also watch the recordings of stage plays. Also, BSD and the authors have sparked my interest in other Japanese literature (I really like Banana Yoshimoto's books). Lastly, thanks for the online library, it's such a huge help!

I am sad to have to answer that I’ve not read these authors. I just watched the whole anime in the last two weeks and am going to go read some of these authors now. I actually have two literature degrees from US institutions and have become increasingly aware of how awfully western they are. I love this anime and am glad it’s opened me up to these authors. I’m excited to read them.

I can't wait to see what you do with these results!!

I cannot thank you & your blog enough for helping me fall further in love with Bungou Stray Dogs. Keeping so many works in an easy-to-access place is also a total lifesaver--and you just made it all the more easier to realize my love for literature. I know I'm rambling, but thank you so much!

I have a question, is it better to read these Japanese novels in their original language (Japanese) or does it not really matter if you read the English translation? I guess it's a given that reading it in Japanese is more authentic, but I'm just wondering if it's really worth it to learn such a complex language just for the sake of authenticity. Are English translations at least 90% legit anyway?

I have read most Japanese works in English except for the poetry of Nakahara Chūya, which I read in/translated from Japanese.

I have very mixed feeling towards BSD, I prefer the side stories rather than the main plot and I only like a small choice of characters, but I appreciate the series for introducing me to many great authors that I hadn't known.

I hope you have a great day!!

I just found BSD Biblio blog recently, but still I get to know about the real life authors a lot. I can't understand japanese much, so this blog truly helps me to know more about the authors and their remarkable works. I'm greatly appreciate the efforts that had been put on this blog ^^ My deepest gratitude to the translators~♡

I just wanted to say thank you for your big interest in sharing japanese literary œuvres on the internet. Here in Spain there aren't many works translated in spanish, and those that are translated, have a poor translation, except the works of Dazai. Your page lets me enjoy many pieces of art from the great japanese writers!

I love bsd and bsd-bibliophile is a great blog

I love the blog and my favorite things are the quotes! Keep up the good work. <3

I love the universe that taught me to love books.

I love this blog and thank you sm for all the love and hard work you put into it. Thank you.

I love your blog, but I didn't know you had a library! I'm definitely checking it out, since where I live it's not easy to find the books of all the authors and I want to read at least one book of each! ❤️

I love your blog:)

I love your blog!

I love your tumblr! Thank you so much for collecting all the information about the authors!

I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE ITS AMAZING THANK YOUUUU

I love your work and dedication!

I mostly make do with the books that are available in my public library, thus the only physical copy I own is "the key" bu tanizaki (if that's the correct translation of the novel)

I play the BSD mobage; that is about as far as I am into BSD as a fandom, as I've only began a couple months ago.

I prefer print, but ebooks are good when that's what's available. I started reading the BSD manga, but stopped. I enjoy it much more just vicariously through my friends who read the manga and novels. Thanks for providing Japanese lit content all the time! I'm trying to learn Japanese, but I've a long way to go, so it's cool to learn about authors and possible English translations.

I read a lot more Japanese authors than I used to before, due to the anime Bungo Stray Dogs

I really adore what you do. Though I have not been very active in the library due to real life issues, I look forward to sitting down and looking through it!

I really appreciate BSD-Bibliophile. I've learned a lot and I know without it, I might not have gotten this into Japanese literature!

i really enjoy seeing your posts on my feed and reading quotes from various writers. thank you for your effort, i really appreciate it :)

I really like that you share quotes of these authors, they're really interesting to read! :) It also helps me to decide what I want to read next haha

I really want to read the light novels, I wish one day you can upload them! Love this page so much!!

I saw a few posts from your blog on Twitter and I'll definitely follow it from now on! What you all are doing is truly amazing and I wish you and your blog only the best! (I don't have enough free time to dive into as many books as I wish I could, so your blog is really helpful)

I think Asagiri-sensei try to promote these famous Japanese authors and I really glad he did because I actually like the poems and story by these authors and whenever I read you guys post a quote from any of their books, I feels the need to buy the book. Thank you for your hardwork!

I think your work in organizing and encouraging people to engage in Japanese literature beyond the series that introduced them to it is awesome.

I use BSD-Bibliophile so much and am very grateful to have it!

I wanted to read some of Dazai's, Kenji's and Akutagawa's works, but they are hard to find in physical stores

I wanted to thank for both the blog and the online library for granting me acess to works that are either too expensive or not available in my country <3

I'm following BSD for 4 years and I read literature of BSD authors as much as I can. I'm deeply in love with its characters, and I'm delighted every time I discover the references from the real life authors and their works. I recommend for those who want to go in-depth with BSD to read the literature, or at least learn about the real life authors. It worths the time. You'll love BSD even more, and maybe the real life authors and their works as well.

I'm new to Bungou Stray Dogs, and I plan on getting my hands on the manga soon! and also the works of the real authors the characters are based off of. :)

I'm so thankful for the site! Since I can't afford the actual book, I am able to read them thru here and if you don't mind, please add Hagiwara Sakutaro's Hownling at The Moon and Kikuchi Kan's Beyond the Pale of Vengeance. Thank you!

I'm so thankful to the amount of effort put into this blog. Thank you so much.

I've been following you for years, your blog is one of my favorites. Thanks for all you do!

I've come by this website a few times, but today is the first time I've really read anything on here. The posts provide a lot of insight. I'll definitely be coming back here to make use of the online library. Thanks for making this available!

I've read and enjoyed Dazai's works, and he's the one I choose for favourite, but it's hard - if I had to choose a second I'd go with Chuuya's poetry. I've somehow wound up reading and re-reading it both for reference in my own works, and just because I want to, when I like.

I've thoroughly enjoyed all the works I've found through this series and I highly recommend people look into Tachihara's poetry! He's my favorite poet ever and his work is highly underrated.

I'm very thankful for this blog. It's heaven-sent for a booklover and fan of Japanese literature for me. I'm sure you're constantly trying to update the library, but there are a few very rare books I've always wanted to read but I'm not sure if I'll get to. Can you add "Azamukazaru no Ki" by Kunikida Doppo? I'm not sure if there exists an English translation, but I'd be eternally grateful even if you uploaded the original Japanese (actually, I would prefer that to the translation, even though it would take a million years for me to decipher the whole of it, at my level of knowledge of the Japanese language. Japanese and English being poles apart in grammatical structure, a lot of the nuances of a Japanese piece is lost in a translation, and this being a record of Kunikida's innermost feelings, I would prefer to read the original.) I also want to read the reports Kunikida made while he was a war correspondent during the Sino-Japanese war, that made him famous as a writer and journalist, but I'm not sure if those could be available. Please include Kunikida's wonderful poetry too. I have mostly read some them in the original Japanese, or Bengali translations made by a senpai of mine, but I would love to read more. As you can probably tell, Kunikida is one of my favourite Japanese authors (although I selected Akutagawa as my favourite in the survey... I love both of their writings equally, but the survey only wanted one answer, so I chose Akutagawa.) Please include writings of other Japanese authors who are not featured in BSD as well, if that is possible (you could maybe create a different section for them?) One of my favourite Japanese authors is Komatsu Sakyou, but I've only been able to read one book of his ("Japan Sinks"). I also want to read "Virus: the Day of Resurrection", "Take Your Choice" and assorted short stories written by him, but Japanese literature is unfortunately not at all easily available where I live. Which is all the more reason I'm so thankful for your blog. I wouldn't have been able to read so many amazing books of some of my favourite authors if it hadn't been for your blog. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you will read this and consider my requests. Have a nice day :)

it is through bsd-bibliophile's blog that i am able to go in-depth about japanese authors, so thank you so much! and just a little suggestion, though you don't have to do this if you don't have time or there's simply not any reason for you to do it, i would really love to answer a survey not only featuring japanese authors but all authors across different literatures (japanese, american, english, russian) who are featured in bsd because i think that would be fun as well. and this is really a fun survey~ thank you so much!

It was very fun to fill this list.

It's too hard to choose only one character or author

Keep doing what you do, it's amazing!

keep the great works!

Loved this!!! 💕

Nothing in particular. I just wanna thank you for having this survey. Loving BSD forever.

Since I only recently fell into the world of BSD and Japanese literature I haven't been able to read many of the works I want. I'm quite eager to read "No Longer Human" by Dazai-sensei since I really liked his style. An interesting thing is that I wasn't very fond of reading poetry until I discovered Yosano-sensei and Miyazawa-sensei, I enjoyed their work a lot. I'm very grateful to this blog, I wouldn't have been able to immerse myself this much into Japanese literature and read all this wonderful works if it wasn't for you so thank you so much! Keep up the good work!! ♡

Thank you for all of your hard work in these translations; reading Japanese literature has always been my wish. Being able to find and read their works in English is the greatest thing that's happened to me.

Thank you for all the hard work! You all curate the content so carefully and do so much for the fandom. It's one of my favorite bsd

Thank you for all the work you do~ and thank you for the library as well~

Thank you for all the work you’ve done💕✨

Thank you for all your hard work!

Thank you for continuing your work on this blog!

Thank you for everything you do!

Thank you for helping me find the translated copy of Return to Tsugaru by Osamu Dazai a while back!

Thank you for making the online library available! It's a great way to read some of these works that are not easily found elsewhere.

Thank you for providing the PDF's of these books, I don't want to buy them until I know I like them because it's hard for me to read because of my ADHD, so thank you for providing them in English!!!!

Thank you for the survey!

Thank you for this site! It really helps me to learn more about the Japanese Literature. Thank you to everyone who worked hard to translate the manga and light novels! I cannot decide which author I liked the best nor which book I liked most. It really is hard for me too choose! *sends love to everyone in this site*

thank you for this site! this really feeds my reading and BSD obsession <3

Thank you for your hard work :)

Thank you for your hard work, BSD Bibliophile! You are amazing! ;)

Thank you for your hard work!

Thank you for your work ♥

thank you so much for all that you do!!

Thank you so much for all your work on the BSD Bibliophile website!

Thank you so much for both your blog and the online library!!

Thank you so much for bringing closer the translated works and thanks for the authors who translated them

thank you so much for creating this special blog! I love it and really adore it

Thank you so much for your great work! your blog is a treasure for those who don't speak Japanese but are in love with Japanese literature (─‿‿─)♡

thank you so much for your website!!! sending love from hk!! :DD

Thank you so much for your wonderful work in making Japanese literature more accessible, so people who cannot find them in their country are also able to enjoy them <3

Thank you very much for your efforts in providing information and reading materials for everyone! I find your blog and website especially useful since I can't seem to find any physical copies here where I'm from.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks for all of your hardwork!

thanks for ur hard work <3

Thankyou so much for this amazing collection of Japanese writers and BSD!

The translations from the BSD Library are amazing.

there's always more than one favorite character or author but it is hard to pick between them

This blog is has so many posts that have helped me to read these literary work and became an important part of my life. Thank you for all moderators for sharing these beautiful works.

This is an interesting survey for bsd franchise also for the people who like and read Japanese literature. As a casual franchise wanderer, I'd like to fill this for showing my country existence//slaps wwwwwwwww. Thank you for providing this survey. Salam Literasi!

This library is amazing!

This was fun!! I use the bsd-bibliophile tumblr a lot - reading the quotes helps me pick which book to read next!! Through reading the Japanese literature written by BSD characters, I’ve since found other Japanese authors I love like Sakutarō Hagiwara and Dan Kazou, too!!!! <3

To clarify some of my answers, The Japanese books I own are mostly children's books. My parents however, have some Japanese novels and short stories as they are from Japan (for example my mom has a copy of Kumo no Ito by Akutagawa). I never finished Setting Sun nor Kokoro. I got about halfway through both before I had to return it to the library. The only other jp lit I've read not including poems is like a quarter of Snow Country by Kawabata Yasunari.

would just like to thank you for always providing the resources for BSD fans! i have been introduced to some of my favourite all-time works since discovering your blog and your resources!

You have a great blog, thank you all!

You're doing amazing work. Thank you so much for all you do for this fandom and the Japanese literary sphere in general.

You’re the best!

Your blog is absolutely amazing and if i hadn't found it i wouldn't have been able to read any of the BSD authors' works, i downloaded each one that interested me in PDF from your blog, hence why i admire it so much and i am so grateful for it. It is obvious that you put a huge amount of work into this blog and i love to wake up to new quotes and fragments every day. Keep up the great work, with love, a reader from Romania!

Your blog is amazing. Keep up the great work! Much support ♥️

your blog is SO helpful for my master's thesis on japanese literature. there is basically nothing in my country about japanese authors and i cannot thank you enough for the work you have done. seriously you are saving my life !!!!!!!!!! i really hope you have a good day!!!! you are really awesome™

Your BSD Library is very helpful for me, thank you for your efforts on creating it!

Your website is great, and I really appreciate your work, it’s makes it so much easier to find Japanese literature and to find new authors.

Your work is beautiful and you have expanded my knowledge of international literature so much; thank you :)

#survey #results #2020 #japanese literature #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd-bibliophile

192 notes · View notes

thatsinterestingveryinteresting · 3 years

Text

WandaVision episode 9 reaction lmao

SPOILERS IF YOU COULDNT TELL

before clicking the episode thoughts/predictions:

oh god im scared man

ok, fietro is quicksilver from the xmen, im sure

for the cameo, it might be paul bettany trolling but like what if he isnt, the guy has to be old enough to have existed and started their career when he was a child so maybe patrick stewart but idk

wow creative “the series finale”

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 50 MINUTES ONLY

wow okay

well they’re there being an epic superhero family

i really hope darcy and jimmy are okay

monica should have an epic fight scene showcasing her powers (not cause i absolutely love her or anything psh)

im going to combust if we get a quicksilver slowmo scene

honestly i hope agatha stays as some sort of minvillain maybe for a future film?

man im just sad now

alright lets go boys:

the last “previously on wandavision” :(

STARTED OFF WITH FIETRO ON THE RECAP LETS GO

whitw visions epic man

THAT FLICKER

i love you agatha but please

BITCH JUST CLOTHESLINED THEM HELLO

get yeeted

she just rose from the grave ok maam

OH SHIT

imagine fietro just coming up and being like “whats all the fuss”

oh my god

the poor car

wicked witch of the east who

NO WHITE VISION THATS NOT YOUR VISION

What the heck why???????? how??? is he good???

no he is not

THATS SO COOL THOUGH

BRO YES GO VISION

i love her man agathas awesome

whatthefuckdidyoudo

HES A HIPPIE

WHY DOES HE STILL HAVE SUPER SPEED

“my favorite member of the bureau” same hayward

i mean not really, your guy is white i think theyll notice

fLOURISH

norm!

oh god hi

wAnDa

her hair is so pretty

uh oh dottie :(

YO EVERYONES GONNA BE PISSED IF YOU DO THAT

hes just making a smoothie ohmygod

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HES RALPH WHAT THE FRICK

i love him so much

GET YEETED

THE NECKLACE

YES

WAIT THE TWINS

white visions having an existential crisis

YO BILLY LETS GO

DARCY IN CLUTCH

WOAH YOU ARE INDEED VISION

SHES THE SCARLET WITCH BITCH

“choose?”

did he just cry

ok wat

hey jimmy!

f i n a l l y hes arrested

AWWWWW THE SKRULL YES

Oh another end credits

quaint lil house

uhh

MULTIVERSE IM CALLING IT THIS IS WANDA FROM A DIFFERENT MULTIVERSE, THIS WANDA JUST TRAVELLED TO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

post-episode thoughts:

holy-

ok but im kinda sad

he’s ralph?

not xmen peter? why cast evan peters????

but that was kinda epic

most questions were answered but theres still some up in the air

for future movies?

still really hope that the whole quicksilver/fietro thing is explained because im still confused

really hope that hes not just some random guy because when he was under agathas control, he had peter maximoff’s cheeky personality. if she could replicate personality why not get pietro’s snarky personality? so maybe thats not the end for him hope it isnt

also, “real personalities arent far beneath” or whatever from fietro, so if thats his personality more exaggerated, would that mean he might be the guy under witness protection

where did white vision go though

why did she say “thank you for choosing me” ?

is it regarding the multiverse, that the kids came from an alternate universe where wanda had kids? so is this the subtle intro to the multiverse?

all in all, pretty good in regards to twists and the general epicness

still like how each episode they answered questions then brought up even more but in the end theres still so many

but then again, this is just the beginning of phase 4

still confuzzled abt the cameo bettany was taking about but whatever

im still hung up on the whole evan peters is ralph thing im still loki (pun intended) disappointed

that was a lot but it was cool :)

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision theories #wanda maximoff #vision #peter maximoff #quicksilver #scarlet witch

14 notes · View notes

imaginethathaikyuu · 3 years

Note

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

#ily<3 #long post

29 notes · View notes

catboymingi · 4 years

Text

and the damsel in distress - veninder chap. 2

navi/masterlist

story masterlist

pairing: mingi x reader

genre: angst, fluff; eventual best friends to lovers

word count: 7.2k

warnings: language, insecurities, past trauma mention, somewhat suicidal thoughts (very briefly, one sentence)

a/n: after ages of exams where i focused on smaller writings i finally am updating... this chapter is a ride but it is the ride i decided to take

yo var det mig / der’ dummet sig? - was it me / that messed up?

when you woke up and unlocked your phone you immediately wished you hadn’t woken up, ever. you had more than a hundred messages from various chats, and while you wished you could just ignore them forever you knew that you’d have to deal with it tomorrow latest, and you’d rather do it without an audience. so you had no choice to reply, opening the private messages first and telling all your friends that you’d reply in the group chat, before you opened that one.

[y/n]: sry for that. forgot my wallet, had no way to get home in time

[y/n]: nothing happened tho

the reply came almost immediately, as if they’d just waited for you to come online.

[saranghoe]: u literally didnt even try 2 call dibs n now ur staying the night?? seems suspicious

[model contract when???]: yeah literally!

[y/n]: as i said, better than sleeping on the street

[model contract when???]: just dont go near them again. ever

[y/n]: fine

[y/n]: deal

you hated the idea, but you knew that if you didn’t agree your life would be a living hell. and that was definitely not something you wanted, knowing how they’d made life hell for other people and knowing that there was no way anyone could protect you from that. so, the next thing you did was click on ‘hyung hate club’, not even bothering to read the messages before leaving the group. you didn’t like this, but it was better this way. as much as you liked the boys, you liked being able to go to uni in peace more, and you knew that would be impossible if you so much as breathed in their direction from now on. you sighed, putting your phone down and laying back onto your bed again, wanting some peace for yourself, but you weren’t granted that. less than a minute after you’d laid down your phone buzzed, once, twice, thrice. knowing that you wouldn’t be able to relax until you knew what was up you sat back up, checking your phone to see messages from an unknown number. curious, you clicked on the notification.

[unknown]: y/n???

[unknown]: im mingi

[unknown]: whats wrong??

you weren’t sure whether to be happy he messaged or scream into your pillow. in some way it was nice he cared, but that also meant it would be harder to avoid the boys. and that meant that, no matter how hard you tried, your friends would have a reason to be upset.

[y/n]: why?

[unknown]: you left the gc?

[unknown]: what happened

[y/n]: nothing dw, im all good

he saw the message but didn’t reply right away, which made you think that maybe he’d accept your reply. but then you saw him typing again, and a message you didn’t expect at all appeared on your screen.

[unknown]: did i mess up

[y/n]: wdym

you genuinely had no idea what he meant, or rather, how he could’ve got the idea that he’d messed up in any way. he’d been nothing but kind to you, there was not a single thing he could possibly have messed up on. but when a new message popped up you knew he was genuinely worrying about it, and you felt bad for not being able to tell him the real reason why you left the group chat, why you had to avoid them.

[unknown]: like did i do something wrong

[y/n]: not at all

[y/n]: its not abt you dw

you hoped he’d leave it be with that, but of course not. he wanted to know what was wrong, he wanted to know why you suddenly didn’t seem to want to talk to him, or any of them for that matter, anymore.

[unknown]: then what is it

and while you were thinking of a good excuse, mingi seemed to have caught on to what exactly the problem was, as was made apparent by his next message.

[unknown]: its your friends isnt it

there was no way you could reply to that decently, so you didn’t, staring at the screen in frustration with your friends and him and mainly yourself. you wanted to say something, you really did, but you had no idea what. tell him you were sorry? tell him to leave you alone? tell him that sometimes life just sucked and you had to deal with it? none of that would’ve been a good reply, and in all honesty you also didn’t want to have to deal with the emotional turmoil it would inevitably bring.

you didn’t notice that you’d spaced out and your phone had locked itself until it buzzed in your hand again, another message from the unknown number you now knew to be mingi. it just read ‘got it’ and you felt awful, scared that you’d hurt or upset one of the only people in forever that had shown genuine care for you. but of course you’d had to mess it up.

the next day came and you still felt bad, somewhat fearful as well. your friend group’s chat had returned to the usual topics, but you still weren’t sure how they’d react to you when they saw you again. you were hellbent on acting as usual, hoping that if you acted like nothing happened they would as well, and it was somewhat successful, getting weird stares every now and then, but no more comments than usual. you wouldn’t let yourself relax just yet, but this was a good sign, at least.

but then came lunch. you tried to act casual, not wanting to let on to the fact that you were horrified that one of the boys would shout out for you at any moment. your eyes darted around aimlessly, mainly looking for a certain giant sporting bright red hair, simply because he was easiest to spot out of the group you’d spent saturday night with. when you still hadn’t spotted him when you sat down to eat with your friends your shoulders relaxed, but it had been a mistake to think that they’d forgotten about you.

you hadn’t noticed that yunho was on his way towards you until he was standing right there, having moved surprisingly inconspicuously for someone his height. but there he was, staring down at you with an expression you couldn’t judge. you tried to avoid his eyes, feeling so incredibly guilty for ignoring him when he and his friends had been your saviour when you needed one, but you couldn’t help it. even now you could feel your friends’ angry stares on you, when you hadn’t even acknowledged the boy’s presence.

“y/n”, yunho suddenly spoke up. you couldn’t help but look up at him at that, knowing it was a mistake, but your head moved by itself. and he noticed, a small smile appearing on his face now. he nodded his head as a sign that he wanted to talk to you with a little more privacy, and you knew that if you didn’t go with him he’d try to sort whatever he wanted to sort here, in front of your friends, which would be way worse than leaving with him for maybe two minutes and returning, convincing them that you told him never to come up to you again. so you got up, but before you could actually go to a more private area he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. you hit his back in a desperate attempt to let you down, but deep down you knew that your punches wouldn’t affect him in any way. so you gave up, hanging like a sack of potatoes, feeling everyone’s curious stares on you.

he first let you down at their table, hongjoong scolding him that a less dramatic approach would’ve done the job as well. wooyoung and yeosang were laughing while the others looked at you curiously, and you were still deciding whether or not to kill yunho right there.

that decision was made for you when mingi spoke up.

“you told me you’d see me at lunch.” you couldn’t quite decipher his tone, whether he was angry or disappointed or hurt, but you knew it wasn’t a positive emotion you heard in his voice. you hated that you were the reason for his upset, but you also hated that your decision about how to deal with the dilemma you were in had been made for you, by people that knew nothing about your situation. you weren’t them, you didn’t have a support system, you didn’t have the option to choose who you were friends with, you didn’t have any of the things that were a given for everyone else. you had to take what you got and make do with it, and they’d just made that significantly harder for you.

“i told you i couldn’t”, you replied, your own voice a mixture of sadness and anger. you wanted to be able to, really, but it wasn’t something you could change. and the fact that he’d seen how your friends had reacted to you doing something they didn’t like and still didn’t stop this, maybe even actively encouraged this, made you angry, even though maybe it shouldn’t. he hadn’t had any ill intentions, but that didn’t really matter to you when you knew he wouldn’t be affected at all by whatever happened as a reaction to this. that he - they - had started a battle you’d have to fight.

no one said anything to that and you thought the conversation was over, that they’d realised that you wouldn’t be able to join their friend group or talk to them at all unless necessary, so you turned around, managing to take a single step before someone grabbed your wrist. you turned around again in surprise and saw that it was seonghwa, whom you’d assumed to be kind and soft-spoken, definitely not the kind to do this. but here you were, being kept from leaving by his hand around your wrist. it was mingi who spoke, though.

“they’re not being nice to you. you deserve better.” and you knew, you knew all that, you knew everything he could tell you to convince you that they weren’t the right friends for you, but that didn’t change anything. and you’d had enough hurt, enough mistreatment in your life to want to avoid it at all costs now. if that meant giving up a bit of your happiness but getting to keep your peace of mind that was a price you were more than willing to pay. but the boy looking at you with softness in his eyes didn’t seem to be willing to have you pay that price.

“sit down.” seonghwa had let go of your arm now, moving a little so that you’d fit next to him. it wasn’t an order, more of a suggestion, but you were too tired, too exhausted to potentially risk a discussion you might not be able to win, so you just complied, resting your head in your palms. and because of that the boys at first didn’t even notice that you didn’t have your food, or any of your things, since it didn’t seem like you wanted to eat anyway.

it was san that noticed, already having finished inhaling his meal when you hadn’t even started yours. the surprise at that was what made him realise that there was no meal for you to finish.

“yunho!”, he suddenly yelled out, making everyone’s heads snap up, even yours. “you forgot y/n’s things when you kidnapped her!” at that realisation, panic made its way onto your face. you had no idea what state your things would be in by the time you’d reach them. your phone, your wallet, all your notes were in your bag, and you’d just left it with your friends that without a doubt were plotting how to ruin your life by now. you jolted up and towards the table they’d been sitting at, but when you saw they’d already left your panic only increased. your bag was still there, carelessly kicked underneath the table when you’d been sitting with the others, but you had no idea what the insides would look like. you probably looked like a maniac all but ripping it open, fumbling with the zipper with shaking hands and ransacking your bag to make sure you still had everything you needed, checking your wallet and phone to see just how fucked you were. everything was still in order, though; it seemed like they’d forgotten about your bag, in part thanks to you having kicked it out of sight thoughtlessly. you almost cried at the relief, and mingi, who’d followed you after your sudden exit to make sure you were okay, wasn’t really sure what to do. he kneeled down next to where you were still crouching on the floor, staring at your bag and its content as if it were the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen, and just looked at you, waiting for you to realise he was there as well.

when after a while (was it seconds? minutes? it felt too long for mingi) you still seemed to not have noticed his presence he carefully tapped your leg, making sure his hand was visible before he actually touched you. you seemed so spaced out that he was pretty certain any sudden touch or noise would scare you to no end. but even though he was so careful not to be too sudden your head still shot up with a force that made him fear you’d break your neck; you’d half expected one of your friends to be the one touching you, so your anxious reaction was at least in part caused by that. but when you saw that it was only him you relaxed a little, though your heartbeat still would not return to normal.

“you okay?”, he asked you once it seemed like you wouldn’t drop dead from shock or kill him if he said anything, worry apparent in his voice, and you could understand him, really - this wasn’t a regular reaction to forgetting your bag with your friends. but you didn’t have regular friends either, so it evened out.

“i guess.” you grabbed your bag and got up, wanting nothing more than to get out of that awkward situation, and the tall boy followed suit.

“wanna join us for the rest of lunch?” he expected you to say no. you knew that you should say no. and a look at where you’d sat at the table confirmed that you didn’t even have anything to eat anymore - they’d probably thrown it away as soon as you left. so there was no reason to go, there was no reason to make yourself even more of a target. but maybe that was why you ended up saying yes. you’d already become a target, so now you might as well spend time with them, you didn’t really have anything to lose anymore. and the smile he gave you when you agreed to join them made you think that it’d maybe be worth it, even.

the others looked at you in surprise when you returned to their table, mingi having a triumphant look on his face. they didn’t say anything, though, scared of putting you off and causing another somewhat-freak out like the one earlier. of course, to them it didn’t make sense, they had no idea just what your friends could do. they’d never been their victim, and they’d never been around to see what their victims had to deal with. but you knew. and the thought of it almost sent you into a panic attack, so you let yourself fall onto the bench (a loud ‘thud’ could be heard, so you really hadn’t been gentle with yourself) and put your head on the table, ignoring how greasy it probably was, your focus being on stopping your breath from speeding up before it was too late. you couldn’t see the looks they gave each other, but you could imagine them. you were a mess, a scared, traumatised mess, and that less than 48 hours after first having met them. you honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they told you to go sit somewhere else, or got up and left themselves. but they were still there when you lifted your head again, looking at you worriedly, but without judgment.

mingi was the first to speak, having put the pieces together by now.

“they’re that bad?” you knew whom he meant. he’d seen the message, he’d been the one to figure out they didn’t want you to talk to them, he’d seen the way you’d rummaged your bag, so it wasn’t hard for him to figure out what, or rather whom, you were scared of. yet he couldn’t imagine why you were that scared of people supposed to be your friends.

“worse.” you tried to mask your fear with a bitter tone, but it didn’t exactly work. the boys didn’t exactly know how to react to that, trying desperately to come up with a way to lighten the mood.

“you have eight bodyguards now.” you weren’t the only one surprised when it was jongho that spoke up, but the others were quick to agree, telling you that the girls had to get past them first. ‘mainly jongho, to be fair’, as wooyoung elaborated. and while you still weren’t feeling good about it, you were feeling better now, the fearful expression replaced by a smile. san, not wanting to waste that chance, asked you if he could re-add you to ‘hyung hate club’, and you couldn’t resist the puppy eyes he gave you, so you agreed. as soon as he did so mingi got his phone out, resending the message he’d sent when he’d brought you home. ‘pyjama party this weekend n y/ns still coming’. your reply was an emoji rolling its eyes, but the smile hadn’t left your face. then you saved his number, asking the others to send a message with their name so you could know who was who.

“they’ll never shut up”, hongjoong informed you casually as he sent his name, and while you knew he was telling you, indirectly, that from this moment on you would never be able to have a moment of peace and quiet and no notifications you were happy about this fact, because it meant that at least you wouldn’t be lonely.

“i have my ways.” you grinned at him as you said that, then you went to save all the numbers in your phone. doing so brought your attention to the time, and you noticed that it was time to leave for class, your happy expression immediately disappearing as you realised that they wouldn’t be around to protect you during class. And class was the place you couldn’t escape from; you needed the credits, and part of you also didn’t want to have to give up on something that always brought you joy just because you had to fear you wouldn’t be left alone.

“i need to go.” your expression didn’t go unnoticed, and seonghwa and yeosang, who had this period off, told you they’d be right there if something happened, you just had to send a message. they also insisted on bringing you to your class, and while you did feel a little like a child that needs their parents to bring them everywhere because they’re scared by themselves you also really appreciated it. so you took off with your two bodyguards, waving at the others as they left for their own classes.

“it’ll be fine”, yeosang said after a couple hundred metres during which neither of you had said anything, and you looked at him with doubt apparent in your eyes.

“it will”, seonghwa stated, a lot more sure about it than you were. “and if not, you know we’ll be right there.” that only did little to reassure you, but you had no choice either way.

you reached your classroom way too fast, and you could feel your breath speed up as soon as you walked towards the door, hesitating. maybe you should just drop out of uni and become a shepherd in a secluded village somewhere in a strange country in europe. maybe that was a better plan. but the choice was made for you as one of your now ex-friends waved towards you, a cheery expression on her face that would have fooled you, had you not seen that same expression on her face countless times before, knowing that it meant nothing but danger. but it was too late to turn around now, so all you could do was pretend you didn’t know what you were about to face.

“hey!” your tone was at least as fake as her expression as you greeted her back. then you went to your seat, and for the first half of class things actually went okay. you were tense, you were stressed, you were scared, but nothing happened. but then the teacher told you that it was time to do group work now, and things went downhill. you were grouped by how you were seating, which included you, one of the girls, and two classmates you barely ever talked to, whose names you didn’t even know, but whom you had nothing against, at least. but they would soon have something against you.

as you were working, one of them had her laptop out to take notes and prepare a presentation, as was the task. and that gave your ex-friend an idea. it was an expensive laptop, and you, as always, had a cup of water on the table, fairly close to the middle so it wouldn’t be able to drop by itself. it wouldn’t have to drop by itself, though. first, the girl next to you dropped her pen and kicked it over to the other two, pretending to have done so in an attempt to retrieve it and be able to pick it up.

“i’m sorry, i dropped my pen! can you maybe pick it up, i can’t reach it.” an apologetic smile was sent their way, as if to say ‘sorry for the hassle’. both girls opposite you ducked at the same time, trying to see where the pen was and who would be able to pick it up more easily. that was what she’d planned, though; as soon as they were no longer able to see you, she spilled your water. over the laptop that was still on the table. and as if that wasn’t enough, she got up, yelling your name loudly, asking you why you’d done that. everyone was looking at you by now, and the girl whose laptop had been sacrificed quickly tried to dry it off with her sleeve, asking for tissues, trying to save it. no use, it seemed like it had broken right away. and everyone thought it was you. that you’d broken the laptop on purpose.

“she was writing her thesis, y/n! i knew you were jealous, but i didn’t think you’d go that far!” you just stared at the scene around you wide-eyed, not even fully realising that this was real. by now even the teacher had come to look at what exactly was going on, and your lack of self defense was a seemingly obvious sign of you actually being the culprit.

“i think you should leave the class now. and you will have to replace the laptop.” all you could do was stare at who used to be your friend, unable to believe that she would do this to you. you hadn’t even actually done anything, and you’d been friends with these girls for almost a year now, yet she’d had no hesitation to ruin not only your reputation but also you financially. she was fully aware that you were barely scraping by. she was fully aware that you would never be able to replace the laptop. she knew all that. and she still did it, just because you’d dared to talk to someone they’d called dibs on. you couldn’t believe it.

you didn’t really remember how you’d left the class, and were surprised to find that you’d remembered to pack all your things back into your bag, that you hadn’t forgotten anything. you’d just left, going who even knew where, dropping on the floor when your legs didn’t want to carry you anymore, and starting to cry. and you stayed there, crying, losing all feeling for how much time had passed. this had been your last class of the day, so you had nowhere to be, and you didn’t want to be anywhere, either. you wanted to vanish. you wanted to die, in all honesty. if it continued like this your only choice was dropping out, basically having wasted the past year and all the work and money you’d put into your studies.

you were so caught up in your crying that you hadn’t noticed your phone buzzing with message after message, first paying attention to it when someone called you. it was seonghwa, who’d been there to pick you up after class only to see that you weren’t there. you didn’t feel like picking up, so you pressed the red button through your tears. he tried again, with the same result, and first when your phone started buzzing continuously with new messages you took a look at the group chat. now you found out why they were calling you - they’d tried to get you after class, but you weren’t there, and now you’d neither read their messages nor picked up their calls, so they all were quite worried at this point. you felt sorry about that, so you decided to send a message saying ‘sorry for worrying you’, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say that you were fine. it seemed like any sign of you being alive was already a success, though, lots of relieved messages flooding the chat. you hoped that maybe they wouldn’t ask what happened, but of course they did.

[hongjoong]: what happened?

[y/n]: i dont want to talk abt it

the chat was quiet after that, no one really knowing what to say. but, again, mingi sent you a private message.

[mingi]: where are you???

you didn’t want to explain anything and you didn’t want to pretend you were fine, so you just sent him your location, his ‘ill be right there’ coming just a few seconds after you’d sent your message. you were somewhat relieved that you wouldn’t have to be alone right now, but you also dreaded having to explain what happened. for now, though, you should probably focus on looking a little more like a person and a little less like you’d just spent the past hour crying. even though you had it didn’t have to be obvious like that, so you tried to clean off the streaks of ruined makeup on your cheeks, using your phone as a makeshift mirror. once you were done you tilted your head to see if there was anything you’d missed, but it was okay. it wasn’t good, but it was the best you could do right now. then, you waited.

you’d put in your headphones after roughly two minutes of waiting, way too nervous at every single sound that surrounded you, but that also made you miss mingi shouting your name once he’d arrived, and the sudden appearance of his large frame in your field of vision did surprise you quite some, flinching visibly before you took out your headphones and looked up at him, trying to smile but failing miserably. and he immediately caught on, sitting down next to where you were sitting on the floor and looking at you silently for a moment.

“do you want a hug?” he didn’t know what else to offer, but he wanted to let you know that he was there for you, and you willingly accepted the offer. he wrapped his arms around you then, pulling you a little closer so you could rest your head on his shoulder, and then you continued to sit in silence. it was strangely comforting, having someone there for you even when they had no idea what you were even upset about, offering you their presence and leaving the choice of whether or not you wanted to tell to you. you didn’t want to have to leave this situation, the safety you felt when embraced by mingi, who was much taller than you and who made you feel like, even just by virtue of his height, he could protect you. but you had to, you knew you did, you couldn’t spend all day wherever you were now.

“we should go home.” mingi hummed in response, removing his arms from where they were wrapped around you, and the two of you got up. he looked at you hesitantly - you could tell he wanted to say or ask something, so you cocked your head, encouraging him this way to tell you whatever was on his mind.

“they’re all worried, so i was wondering… i told them i’m going to meet you, but i think they’d feel better if they could see for themselves that you’re in one piece.” you nodded, both as a sign of understanding and to show that it was fine with you to meet them before you went home. he nodded as well, slowly starting to walk and somewhat unsure if you’d actually follow him, but you did.

you walked in silence until you reached the train station, where he bought the ticket for you again. you looked at him, about to protest, but when he told you it was his treat again you just nodded, not having the energy to argue and also glad that you could save the money seeing how very soon you’d need every single won. after that, you were silent again, sitting next to each other with your head on his shoulder, which you’d have been embarrassed and shy about if you weren’t so exhausted. you were exhausted, though, and it took all your energy to not fall asleep on him - but at least you succeeded with that, your eyes still somewhat open when he told you you had to get off at the next stop. you sat up, then, immediately missing the warmth and comfort of him so close to you. the boys made you feel weirdly safe, and you couldn’t tell why it was - maybe it was just the unusual feeling of having friends that cared about you even when you had nothing to offer, but no matter what it was, it was nice.

another thing that was nice was that mingi didn’t make you talk, didn’t even try. he’d talk, but he didn’t mind if you didn’t reply. he’d just resume his story, letting you know that he wasn’t ignoring you but that he didn’t expect anything from you. and with this behaviour you slowly started to feel better, feeling ready to tell what had happened by the point you reached the boys’ place.

“mingi?” it seemed like they’d been waiting for him to come home, shouting his name as soon as he’d closed the door behind you.

“and y/n!”, he replied, entering the living room with you in tow. you were somewhat surprised to find them all already gathered there, but mingi didn’t seem to be. he just plopped down on the couch, patting the space next to him to signal you to sit down as well. so you did, staring at your hands as soon as you’d sat down, unsure how to start. and they were unsure as well, unsure if they should ask you or wait until you started talking by yourself.

“i…”, you started, but then stopped again. this was hard.

“i’m sorry for not taking your calls”, was how you decided on starting. “i just- i couldn’t. everything was so much.” and even though you hadn’t even started actually explaining yet a small sob already escaped from your lips, and you hid your face in shame. you looked up again though when you felt a hand on your knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and looked at the boy attached to the hand - mingi. he looked at you with soft, encouraging eyes, and you took a few slow breaths before you started talking again.

“they hate me. in class, one of them spilled water on my classmate’s laptop and broke it, and then she said it was me, that i did it because i was jealous of that classmate’s good grades.” you tried very hard to stay calm while telling, not wanting to break down crying before you even finished explaining why you’d ignored them, why you’d run away from class without telling anyone where you were.

“and everyone believed her because no one saw and she doesn’t have a reason to do it but the way she framed it i do, and now the girl is so angry because she was writing her thesis and i think it’s gone now and also the laptop is broken and i have to replace it and i just… i can’t afford that and i don’t know what to do and- ouch!” mingi’s hand had remained on your knee while you spoke, but the more you elaborated the tighter his grip got, seemingly without him noticing, because when he heard you yelp he immediately took away his hand and apologised profoundly for having hurt you.

“i’m just so fucking angry that she’d do that”, he explained. “you literally haven’t done anything!” and he wasn’t the only angry one, either, all the boys visibly fuming.

“but i can’t do anything about it”, you said, sounding defeated, “but i’m so scared that i’ll be kicked out of the course because i need it for my degree and if i get kicked out due to gross misbehaviour, even when it wasn’t actually me, i’ll lose my scholarship and then i won’t be able to continue studying and i won’t have a degree either and no one will hire me and i’ll end up homeless and in debt and… and…” you were unable to continue, your sobs having completely taken over at this point. you felt pathetic for breaking down like this, but your entire future was on the line just because you’d chosen to pick your friends yourself rather than waiting for approval. it was unfair, and it was horrible, and it reinforced the belief in you that if you didn’t do what others told you to do, the consequences would be horrible.

mingi wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest - it seemed like out of the eight boys he was the one who’d taken on the role of your protector now, always taking care of you like this, ever since you first met. the others were there as well, of course, but they were more of a silent support as mingi actually pulled you in, and it was okay that way. it worked that way, his deep voice and careful touch being able to calm you down enough that you were able to breathe somewhat regularly again.

“i want to go home now”, you said once the worst was over. you were still sniffling, but you didn’t care. you wanted to go back to your bed, you wanted to hug the teddy bear that you’d owned since you were born, you wanted the comfort of your own home. being here with them was nice, and it had helped you calm down, but your own home, your own bed, was still something different. and it seemed like they could understand that wish to be in a familiar environment, because they just nodded.

“i’ll bring you.” the way he’d said it it didn’t sound like you had a choice, but it was okay. the tall boy had been there for you all afternoon, and he (and the others too, really) would probably feel better if he knew you were home safe and sound. you hummed in response which he correctly interpreted as your okay, because he got up with you and followed you to the door where you stopped to say goodbye and thank them for listening. then you left, the red-haired giant following suit silently.

the train station wasn’t far away, as you knew by now, and the two of you walked next to each other in silence. once there, he paid for your ticket again without a second thought, and while you did feel guilty about it you also were glad he did so. your head rested on his shoulder again during the train ride, something you didn’t even think about anymore; being close to him felt natural, maybe due to the fact that there’d been a lot of good reasons to be close to him in the roughly three days you’d known each other, maybe because he didn’t seem to register it as something noteworthy either.

you didn’t talk during the trip, the first time either of you said anything being when you told him, once you’d gotten off the train, that you were glad he’d brought you, and tried to say goodbye to him unsuccessfully because he told you he’d walk you home unless you’d report him for stalking if he did so. you shook your head, smiling slightly, and started walking. it was once more him who kept the (so far nonexistent) conversation alive, commenting on anything with a child-like wonder in his voice. it sounded like he’d never seen a tree before, or a street, or a house - everything seemed to surprise and somewhat excite him, and in all honesty you thought it was sweet. he managed to distract until you reached your apartment this way, but he noticed the way you tensed up as you unlocked the door. a day ago he’d have thought your fear was an overreaction, and maybe its intensity was, but after what had happened today he was fairly certain it was justified.

“do you want me to go in first?”, he asked as you wouldn’t even fully open the door, obviously scared of what would expect you. you nodded and moved to the side, giving him the option to slip inside. and a couple seconds later he was in front of you again, opening the door widely and telling you that everything was okay. first then did you relax even slightly, entering with careful steps as if you were expecting to jump out of the shadows and murder you. mingi was right, your apartment was fine, but you weren’t. you hated this, hated that you didn’t even feel safe in your own home, and that there was nothing you could do about that.

mingi soon caught on to the fact that even though everything was fine you didn’t seem relaxed at all, looking around like a rabbit expecting the fox to jump out any moment and devour it. and it was your scared expression that made the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself.

“do you want me to stay the night?” you looked at him surprised, both at his words and at the fact that he was still there - you’d forgotten about him in your worry.

“you don’t have to.” you didn’t want to be even more of a bother. you didn’t want him to get annoyed at your scaredy cat-behaviour.

“but do you want me to?”

“you don’t have anything here.” really, you were just trying to come up with excuses for not directly answering his question, because the answer would have been a ‘yes’. yes, you did want him to stay the night, but you didn’t want him to do so because he felt like he had to.

“that’s fine. it’s just a night, and i only have late classes tomorrow. do you want me to?”

you couldn’t stand to look at him as you nodded, feeling weak and vulnerable and like a burden, but he just said ‘okay’, then got out his phone and started typing.

“i’m just letting them know”, he explained when he saw your questioning expression, and you nodded again. you felt slow, tired, and you just wanted to sleep. and yet once more he seemed to know exactly what you were thinking.

“you should go to bed”, he told you softly, “i’ll be right here.”

“you need sleep too!” it was first then you realised that you couldn’t offer him the luxury of choosing his bed for the night, that you couldn’t even offer him the luxury of having anything bigger than a single-person bed. but he didn’t seem to care, nodding.

“just get ready. i’ll wait.” and because you were way too tired to argue about anything at all, you just grabbed your pyjamas from your bed and left for the bathroom to get changed. you got into your pyjamas and wiped the worst stains off your face with a wet washcloth, but didn’t have the energy for anything else. this would have to do for today.

mingi was waiting for you on the floor when you got back, jacket, shirt and shoes huddled together next to him. maybe usually you’d have been a little flushed at him being shirtless, but in this moment all that mattered was getting into bed and sleeping. so you crawled underneath your blanket, moving as close to the wall as possible so he’d be able to still comfortably fit in next to you. he joined, pulling the blanket to cover both of you, and as soon as he’d done so you told him goodnight, him replying with a ‘goodnight’ of his own. he was fairly certain you’d fall asleep right away by how exhausted you seemed, but he found himself surprised when after roughly half an hour you were still tossing and turning.

“you okay?” he didn’t know if this was normal for you or something to be worried about, but he wanted to be sure you weren’t suffering silently just because you didn’t want to bother him.

“tell me something nice”, was what you replied instead of answering his question.

“what do you want to hear?”

“i don’t care. something happy.”

he thought for a moment before he started telling you about his seventh birthday, trying to remember as many details as possible so he’d have something to tell until you’d fallen asleep. his low, calm voice calmed your anxious heartbeat a little, and you stopped shifting so much. you did, however, scoot closer to him subconsciously, your back soon pressed against his chest as you sought out his comforting presence, his warmth. he wasn’t sure if you’d done it on purpose, so he didn’t immediately wrap his arm around you, softly putting his fingertips onto your waist first to wait for your reaction, to see if you’d shy away from his touch. but you did the opposite, grabbing his hand and pressing it close to your chest as if it was a lifeline keeping you from drowning. he just resumed his story, not commenting on it, and you were glad he didn’t. and cuddled up like that his deep, steady voice managed to lull you to sleep.

31 notes · View notes

apopcornkernel · 3 years

Text

which of your fics...

tysm for the tag @deinde-prandium!! ive been putting this off for so long kfjghsd

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got: when i first posted it, i was honestly really proud of paris in the rain. it’s got a good amount of kudos, actually, but i’d hoped it’d garner a little more since 1) ladynoir and 2) ladynoir under umbrellas

…received more attention than you expected it to: on tumblr, its definitely the language barrier (isn’t that high). like, i’d expected maybe a hundred at most? but now it’s at 1k notes and @theanxiouscupcake even made me some delightful fanart for it ;-;;;;;;;

…is your funniest: i’d say it’s a tie between X Æ A-12 and the 2nd chapter of somniloquy

…is your darkest/angstiest: oh boy, dark and angsty are two different things. darkest is definitely this missblang songfic (no other sadness in the world would do, please heed the tags) i wrote for a challenge, and angstiest is sentimental trickster, a marichat oneshot (i am Begging you to read it while playing the song i linked in the notes please)

…is your absolute favorite: ughhhh so hard to choose,,, but currently my favorites are lucky (we’re in love) and shortest route!

…is your least favorite: a crack-ish fic that was the first one i ever wrote. don’t bother looking for it, i removed it from my works page bc i really did noooooooot wanna see it

…was the easiest to write: surprisingly enough, the language barrier was pretty easy to write. like, yeah, there was a chinese part in it, but thanks to me being chinese it wasn’t exactly hard? plus pleco always has my back. anyways what im trying to say is i wrote that in like an hour and then bam, done

…was the hardest to write: ughhhhhhhh ok so the answer to this hasnt even been posted yet. it’s a 15k cinderella-ish thing but the THING IS. i made the horribly dumb decision of making them enemies bc of a misunderstanding and ITS BEEN FOREVER AND I STILL CANT POST BECAUSE I HAVENT RESOLVED THEIR CONFLICT PROPERLY. i hate myself for making it this complicated

…has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph (share it): ohhhhhhhhhhhh i have a lot but uh i’d say this snippet from lucky (we’re in love) is the best:

And Ladybug lit up—there was no better word for it.

Her face glowed in the moonlight, silver on her skin and rose in her cheeks. She smiled so bright that he swore her teeth gave off their own light. And her eyes. They sparkled like little stars, filled to the brim with happiness.

He could stare at her forever, wondering what secrets were held in those eyes as deep and blue as the ocean. Wondering if maybe, just maybe, her eyes were not just filled with joy, but also with affection.

...

He'd long fallen head over heels for her, and it had only grown with each and every thing she did. The way her freckles spread across her cheeks like constellations he'd gladly spend a lifetime studying. The way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled at him. The way she stood up to akumas, fearless and confident in her strategies.

...ngl if i quoted all the things i loved abt that fic we’d be here all day because lucky (we’re in love) is probably my magnum opus

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time: lucky (we’re in love) or patronizing the patisserie! it sums my personality up well: ladynoir and fluff. (and i will never not insist that lucky was my peak)

…are you most proud of: once again... lucky (we’re in love). look that was the best ive ever written, and probably will write. i can only hope i can live up to my own standards in the future KJGHDHTY

tagging @inkjackets @theladyfae @theanxiouscupcake @kitten-noire and if you’ve already been tagged just ignore this whoops kfdjhstrh

#and to anyone who sees this pls feel free to play too!!#poppy speaks #tag game #long post #poppy's lore

10 notes · View notes

bigpokico · 4 years

Note

“what happens if I do this?” w HYPNOS ATSUMU AND NYMPH READER BWJSHDFKS where reader is curious abt his powers and is like put me to sleep !!! and atsumu is kinda dumb so hes like what happens tho will u turn into a tree/water/air (u can choose which kind of nymph reader is !!) ALSO I DIDNT FORGET HIM OK !!! I LOVE OSAMU AND *looks at smudged writing on hand* ass mushu WHKSDBFKSHFS

knidsnis we had some funny talks about this last night in that chat so i had to get this out first. also, guys im gonna expose mik here but she sent in 9 requests, what a weeb.

Side note: greek words will be used every now and then in this au, translations will always be below the fic.

46. “What happens if I do this?”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“But why?” you asked in a whine, grabbing Atsumu’s hand to pull him towards you. You sat atop his counter while you pleaded with him, the young god standing in between your swinging legs. He squinted at you, but continued to hold you hand nonetheless, “Well why do you want me to put you to sleep so bad?” You paused at his question, and pursed your lips as you tried to think of an actual reason for him to go along with this, making Atsumu roll his eyes. “I wanna know what it feels like to be put to sleep like that,” you finally said with a pouted mouth, “Pleaaase? Just this once? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You could turn into an ice cube,” you knew Atsumu was joking when he said that, but his face remained deadpan as he spoke. It was your turn to give an eyeroll, “Very funny.” With your free hand you reached up and gently flicked the side of his head, “Now do it, mister.” He feigned a glare and swatted your hand away, “That’s a lot of attitude for talking to a god, better be careful.”

You ignored his comment and instead, played at your last resort to convince him. ‘What happens if I do this?’ you thought to yourself, and you tilted your head down, now looking up at him through your eyelashes with the biggest set of puppy eyes you could manage. You gave his hand a squeeze and whimpered, “Pretty please, ‘tsumu? Just this once.” A moment of silence went by, as Atsumu stared at you with a comically pained expression. Finally, after what felt like a full minute, the man before you mustered out a quiet, “Fine.” In less than a second, your sad expression was wiped clean and replaced by an excited grin. You leaned forward to give him a cheerful peck on the lips before humming a, “Thank you!”

He took a step away from you and you swung your legs over the counter to cross them, so you were now fully sitting cross-legged on the marble surface. With a dramatic sigh, Atsumu pressed the pad of his thumb to your forehead and met your eyes. You could’ve sworn that they were usually not that dark, but before you could have the time to bring it up, Atsumu opened his mouth and spoke, “ξεκουράζω.” Not a second went by before you felt a chilling, yet comfortable sensation crawl under your skin as you immediately closed your eyes and felt yourself falling into the darkness of slumber. Your body went slack while you fell backwards, Atsumu calmly catching you before you hit the marbletop.

You laid there in his arms, asleep as he wondered what to do next. Things very quickly took a turn for the worst, however, when as he looked away for a mere second, he suddenly felt his arms become very cold and wet. His head snapped back to you, and yelped loudly in horror. You were gone, and in your place laid a ginormous puddle of water. “Oh my gods,” Atsumu whispered in shock as he looked over the mess before him. Very suddenly, he brushed the water off his arms into the puddle and sprung into action, going over to his cabinets frantically in search of a bowel, all while muttering to himself, “Shit shit shit shit shit.”

Eventually he found himself a large bowel and a plastic sheet, which he used to very delicately push the water off of the counter and into the bowel, every last drop. Now that you, as strange as it sounded, were in a bowl, Atsumu set you down onto the counter and climbed up onto it himself. He sat in silence and stared daggers at the dish with wide, stunned eyes. ‘How do you unpuddle someone?’ He thought of asking Osamu to come back home to help, but then he realized that perhaps his brother wouldn’t have much experience in the field of ‘water nymph girlfriends melting into water.’ Not knowing anything else to do, Atsumu simply sat there and waited, hoping that maybe you would just wake up and now be water.

An hour went by and still, nothing, and Atsumu was beginning to grow very restless. Were you ever going to turn back? Oh gods, what if you stuck like that forever? He wanted to grab the stupid bowl and just throw it against the wall. Thankfully, Atsumu was aware that that would make things infinitely more complicated. In a moment of anger, he leaned over the bowl to stare straight into the water and shouted, “Enough already, wake up!”

To his surprise, the bowl below him began to shake and shudder somewhat, forcing him to back away and watch intently. Atsumu stood up from the counter as the bowl tipped over and the water flooded from the dish, all the while he held his breath. He himself had no idea how the whole nymph thing worked exactly, and so it was rather odd for him to watch you morph back into yourself from what was moments ago only a puddle of water. Laying flat against the large counter, you eventually slowly sat up, yawning. “How long was I out for? Man, I feel rested,” you commented softly, apparently unaware of the deep distress you’ve caused your boyfriend.

Without answering you, Atsumu lunged forward and wrapped his arms around your body tightly, nuzzling his face into your neck. Out of instinct, you hugged him back but still asked, “‘Stumu? What’s wrong?” Instead of answering your question once again, he pulled away and glared at you, flicking your forehead, “We’re never doing that again.” Before you could even ask why, he grabbed you again to bring you back into a hug, huffing lightly. With a small smile, you let the topic rest as you returned the embrace, the two of you holding each other in quiet.

Translations:

ξεκουράζω - Rest, relax

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyu #atsumu miya #miya atsumu #imagine #scenario #greek god au #sfw #greek mythology #im so tired

80 notes · View notes

starrysence · 5 years

Note

Almer headcanons

almer is the Good Shit. here we gO

warnings: mentions of abuse (some are kind of graphic?? maybe?) please please please be careful if these trigger you and you choose to read ahead anyway!

×××

●so, its canon that albert has 2 older brothers

▪they do their jobs as siblings and tease these boys pre-dating. all the time. try to change my mind, you fucking cANNOT.

▪"i hope youll let me be your best man, al" - matt, the second oldest dasilva brother

▪"in your fucking dreams, MATTHEW. iT's GoNnA bE mE" -drew, the oldest dasilva brother

▪"if you guys argue about this one more time its gonna be race" -albert

●elmer deals with this times 4 bc he has 8 older siblings

▪his sisters especially????? they are ON HIS ASS ALMOST CONSTANTLY ABOUT ALBERT THE MOMENT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT HIS CRUSH

▪hes thankful that 3 of his siblings are either away at college/constantly busy with senior year shit bc thats 3 siblings less to tease him constantly

●so. albert rlly doesnt like talking about his biological parents bc of the way they treated him and his brothers (i wont go into graphic detail, but they were physically, emotionally, and mentally abused - especially albert bc he was the youngest so he didnt have an excuse to be away as often as his brothers did)

▪elmer finds out abt everything when he wakes up bc albert is crying in his sleep and whimpering and trembling even though he has the warmth of about 3 blankets and el's body heat

▪and thats the first time he realises albert has gone through so much shit and hes still coping

▪yall he refuses to go back to sleep until albert feels SAFE and COMFORTED

●al had a toxic relationship w/ this girl named lorie once

▪she would NOT let him talk to el or race or basically anyone else and she would constantly complain abt how he wasnt doing enough for her

▪it all put him in a really bad mental state

▪and hed break down about it and not be able to tell anyone and she would just complain abt how pathetic he was being and it just made him feel worse

▪he doesnt really like talking about that either

▪fun fact,, that was his only relationship before he started dating elmer

●if albert and elmer ever have a pet......... its a chinchilla named blossom and you cant change my mind

▪also at some point they adopt the SWEETEST corgi husky mix pup named gizmo

▪race comes over. constantly. he practically lives there bc of blossom and gizmo

▪it earns them lots of complaints from spot (or davey or jojo or whoever you want honestly go wild)

▪"race go home your boyfriend wants you"

"my boyfriend always wants me ;)))"

"FUCK OFF"

●elmer love love LOVES kissing al's cheek or his jaw

▪he also likes kissing albert's shoulder when theyre in bed and albert has his back to him

▪it makes al melt. every time.

●al loves to kiss the top elmer's head or his neck

▪not even necessarily to get elmer excited (but sometimes it for that)

▪he just finds it easy to bury his face in the crook of his bf's neck and just. smorch. u know??

●they dont get into heated makeout sessions very often imo?? theyre just. soft.

●elmer esp wants to take it slowly and carefully bc of everything albert's gone through

▪4 months into their relationship he realises albert hasnt said "i love you" once

▪decides not to push it tho. he gets it and wants al to take his time!!

▪few weeks later albert brings it up and starts rambling

▪"i know you probably want to break up with me because its so sad and pathetic. i mean its almost been five months and im not saying these words because im too fucking scared to say them even though i shouldnt be because theyre true and i really do love you, i love you so fucking much it scares me sometimes-"

▪elmer cant help but grin, "albert. albert. you said it."

▪"i said it? oh my god i said it."

▪THESE BOYS ARE NEAR TEARS

▪"i love you. i love you so much"

▪"i love you, too, albert."

●ELMER IS A GIGGLY DRUNK

▪uhhhh al rarely ever drinks bc hes just scared he'll get addicted like his parents did

▪he doesnt mind it if others drink tho. he just doesnt want to do it all that often

▪he has to admit, though, that when his boyfriend drinks, things get kind of wild

▪by wild i mean elmer is LITERALLY giggling about everything everyone says

▪"what the fuck??"

▪elmer, through giggles: "dont say that word. thats a baaaad worrrrddddd"

▪albert could literally say "hello" and he'd burst out laughing

▪so nobody lets race near elmer when hes drunk bc one time racer’s jokes made el laugh so hard he passed out

▪albert never stops teasing elmer about it and elmer hates it but at least it gives him a good excuse to kiss his boyfriend

▪that excuse is shutting him the FUCK up

×××

alrighty thats all i got for tonight bc its 11:58pm and i should be asleep. but its diWALI AND I AINT SLEEPIN UNTIL ITS OFFICIALLY OVER (aka til any point after 2 minutes from right now). sorry this took so long, anon. hope you like!!

-sanj 💕

tag list:

@but-let-us-seize-the-day

@one-candy-cane-please

@suddenly-im-respecsable

@intoomanyfandomstopickaname

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@bencookisagod

@well-the-kids-do-too

@auspicioustarantula

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn

@have-we-got-news-for-you

@not-a-scab

@newsiesgarbage

@pineappapizza

@andthewoildwillknow

@concrete--donuts

@stopthe-presses

@thomasbeingthomas

@i-love-loki-and-sherlock

[if you want to be added to my tag list, please shoot me an ask or a message letting me know! i’d be happy to add you!]

#newsies #newsies live #newsies 1992 #albert dasilva #elmer kasprzak #almer #sanj scribbles

114 notes · View notes

beverlyr0ad · 5 years

Text

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!! okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand.

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart.

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

#feel free to disagree w me tho #im completely open to hear other opinions #and mine are subject to change anyway #i used so much !!!!! in this sorry #crimes of grindelwald #harry potter #hp #fbawtft #fantastic beasts #tcog #tcog spoilers #crimes of grindelwald spoilers #spoilers #hp spoilers #fantastic beasts spoilers #tcog opinions #crimes of grindelwald opinions

7 notes · View notes

thisdreamplace · 3 years

Note

I had a nasty fight with my former bff. This was long ago. She did the whole 'boycotting me' thing at school and afterwards had a mutual friend pass her msg to me, saying "tell her [me] to get it into her skull that she's not the center of the world, who does she think she is? Stop acting like a #" Im simplifying the words, her actual words were nastier

I got thinking today abt this fight, and her comment abt me that is still way too fresh in my mind even tho I hadn't recalled it in 2-3 yrs!, and I actually decided to use the law to revise my friendship to feel better as what happened after the fight was shameful on my part. But before I knew it, I started rmmbring my relationship with her. How I became a total victim. Got so stuck on her validation, begged her to be friends with me (after I got the degrading msg. 🤕 silly me w/o a backbone lol) and stayed her 'bestie' for way too long. Only after it's all over im noticing smth messed up abt out 'feiendship'. It wasnf that normal I think. She would get so pissed if I did anything that went against her thoughts/beliefs/way (which is why she called me a selfish # that major fight). It was so subtle the way she showed her disapproval. To her, if I did anything not aligned with her, or even makih decisions on my own which didn't involve her, it was wrong. And had consequences like her beinf distant for days etc, or getting angry if I didn't mind read her bla bla, I just had to keep her at the top 24/7 and she expected everyone else to do the same... which I thought was normal... It wasnt. And what would be even more crazy is she never realized how that meant she always wanted the attention. That she always wanted it her way! It just makes me feel... Sad.... When I look back. How couldn't I have notived it before? I used to be strong headed, opinionated before I became 'besties' with her.. That all has changed. I wonder why -_-

It may be dumb on my part but with the weak mind and insecurity I had then, I took that fight/her reaction to the heart and internalisef this stupidiy (DENY MYSELF if the other alternative was denying HER. I didn't think it was wrong. For the oldme, it really wasn't wrong smh). Aaah I'm so sorry old me :(

This fight started bcoz she asked me for smth and I refused, instead of relenting like I always would, and I see now that her reaction (to me not being an obedient # to her ig?🤢) was basically her setting rules. It was wrong of me to refuse, yes, but why did she react that way? Why did this pattern continue? That everyone was selfish if they didn't think of her ;_; like how do u deal with this? And the icing is when I too started to defend her and make excuses for her all the time. And ik I'm making her out to be so strong, don't worry... I accept the strong only rule when the weak submit. And I was weak as hell, so its understandable this whole thing. I think 😅

Idk. I seen your posts abt eyipo with other anons so i hope u can tell me figure out what this was. Its clear to me she was projecting smth about me, and mb throughout our whole friendship she was projecting me. And I would think it was her hurting me, that she was right and I was wrong or maybe I did smth wrong. Mb I thought I deserved being punished that way?!

Today I suddenly had an aha moment and I realised... this is how a victim thinks. I didn't know I was a victim when I was living that stoey aka thought I was powerless. When in fact I really wasn't?! Haha still accepting I 555% created ALL that. The law can knock you out haha

Enough old story I just want to ask, what du u think the msg she sent to me was? Did I really deserve such a reaction (did I mention she included other girls in the boycot? 🤢) just for standing up for myself? What about the whole 'fight' aka showcase of power? And the entire yrs of being friends why did I never realize I was only hurting myself so much by putting her before me? And also, with the everyone pushed out thing, how did it fit in? Like why the hell did I give her too much power in validating me by giving in after the fight in the first place?, and while I did have some fun times (saying this so anyone else who reads this doesn't think it was pure torture lol. We had some common interests tyat no one else in the class shared when we first became 'friends'), deep down I was so unhappy so why didn't this reflect on her? I mean why didn't she ever sense just how much she'd hurt me, why didn't she see how much I put on the back burner coz of her?! Was it as she saw it as her right? I'm just so confused

This is still a bitter pill to swallow tbh but I have to face this in order to move on. This person and my life with her has left me wit many scars and I got to understand how I did this so I never attract such a person in my life again. Its not even abt bejnf a victim. As I said, these victimy things were subtle and I only noted them when it was too late and I was a shell, like she getting super pissed and disapproving if I had a differing opinion and me blowijg it out of proportion and tailoring my views or not expressing them so as to not feel the disapproval...thanks boycott conditioning ig? 😭 Aaaah even talking agaunst her rn is making me uncomfortable. Which makes me think I still am scared of her subconsciously even tho she's no longer in my life. Like, what in me made me choose her? I haven't healed, obviously by this ask as u can tell, but idk what is it in my self concept that had this whole thing in my past even happen

My friend, I also want to say I think you're a beautiful soul 🥺. And im sorry for the long ask lol. And I pray you'll always have all your desires. And plz, was it hard for u at first when u learned about u creating everything? The good, the bad, and the repulsive (like this story)? How did u get over old stories? Ty ty ty 😭

To begin with you're being really harsh on yourself. Like, I know it's hard, but it's never that serious. And trust me, this is something I have to remind myself of regularly. Because there have definitely been moments in life where I look back on myself in that moment, and I feel like I was pathetic and would slap myself if I could. But the truth is, there's just no need for any of that. We always did the best we could. We always did, period. We couldn't have done anything differently and this will continue to be true our entire lives. Looking back on the past with such overwhelming feelings, is really not needed. I get looking back to learn from it, but practice coming from a place of love and acceptance instead. It will help you grow, rather than get stuck back in this cycle of self-hate and confusion. Plus, you actually never need to analyze the past to grow but that's beyond the point right now.

To me, by reading your ask, the message she sent to you was clear. You feel you deserve less in life, you feel you're not good enough, you feel like a victim to life and others, you feel like you're not empowered or the operant power of your reality. It's not about her being wrong and you being right, and I get this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. Everyone is you pushed out. Therefore, there's simply no such thing as who is right and who is wrong anymore. It was only ever you.

When it comes to everyone is you pushed out, you have to understand this person isn't this way because that's who they are. They were that way because that's who you were. Inside of you, you brought their character to life. Therefore, the same way you are not stuck to such an undesirable self concept, neither is that person. It's not that you chose her and attracted her in. You were just dealing with yourself. That's what I hope you walk away from this response understanding. Because by thinking she was outside of you, you're missing the mark. And this is such an important concept to understand when it comes to the law of assumption, because it's really at the forefront of everything. People play such a huge role in our lives, whether it's relationships, jobs, opportunities, etc etc. So understanding how everyone is you pushed out actually works is extremely important.

So instead of putting all this blame on her or even putting the blame on yourself, all these memories really do is give you a glimpse into who you were at the time. It shows you the beliefs you held about yourself. It shows you what your self concept was. That's all it's doing. So in that way, there's actually no one to blame at all. I know it feels good to put blame, even when it's on yourself, but the truth is there's no room for blame when you learn about the law. You simply take responsibility and become empowered by the power you have held this entire time. And you practice making it work in your favor.

If you want to see how something was apart of your self concept, all you have to do is pay attention to what you are thinking/feeling. Shame, not being good enough, etc etc is all just stories you once held onto. Now you don't have to hold onto those stories anymore. Now that you know the power you hold, you get to make a new decision for yourself. Rather than ruminating of the painful past, allow it to be and know how that's not your story anymore.

Was it difficult for me to accept how I created everything? Yes and no. It's been a journey. While I could accept it logically, emotionally it was still very painful. Many times I wanted to cry and lash out when I felt alone and felt upset that no one was there for me. Although, I knew deep down it appeared that way because of my own concept of self. So yeah, it's been a journey. And it's honestly not always delightful. But this is the journey we have to take for the rest of our lives, so we might as well get used to practicing and applying these concepts. Instead of continuing to hold ourselves in such painful lights. I got through old stories, and I continue to get through old stories, by feeling all the pain that came up. By allowing myself to cry and feel however I felt like during those times. And in the back of my mind I knew I was getting stronger in my power. I knew how I would keep persisting once the pain subsided. And little by little, old stories fade more and more. That persistence to continue choosing better for yourself, is truly more powerful than it may seem in a difficult moment. Have trust in how it's all working out for you regardless.

Hopefully this is helpful! Thank you for your kind words. 💖

#eiypo

11 notes · View notes

lizzybeth1986 · 6 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 2 Chapter 16

• IT’S HAPPENING FAM!

• Since there’s a chance that Homecoming Ball is going to be an absolute disaster, might as well put my crown on now

•

WHAT URGENT MATTER WHICH URGENT MATTER. LIAM YOU SHOULD TELL ME THESE THINGS.

• Maxwell since when was Bertrand a ‘calm presence’ 😂

• “No plots, schemes or blonde-haired barriers in the way!” Bertrand tells me. You sure about that boi? Coz everytime someone says something won’t happen in this book, it fucking happens 😑

• MAXWELL SINCE WHEN WAS ME ACCEPTING A PROPOSAL IN MY WAITRESS UNIFORM A GOOD IDEA

• When in doubt (and in NY getting engaged) dress like a New York skyscraper

• I had thought the Bertrand Savannah story would be over by now, but it isn’t. Far from it. But from what I gather - he seems to a. think that restoring Beaumont House’s glory comes first, b. feel that his love for Savannah (he does mention that he “treasures” her messages) is a distraction, c. deems himself a failure. There are some pieces to this puzzle missing and methinks we’ll find them all only in Book 3.

•

Legit. This right here is how my MC ended up head over heels for him.

• Liam: You radiated…possibility.

I believe at some point in the chapter, Liam highlights this as true not only in his own case, but applies it to how she changed Drake’s, Hana’s and Maxwell’s lives as well. I love that even in this, he doesn’t want to think only of himself. He sees how the MC has influenced his friends as well.

• I love how all our choices in Book 1 have been incorporated in this chapter.

• My favourite sequence in the chapter thus far is when Liam tells us about how he met the rest of the gang. It really does give us an idea of their background and history, and why they all really worked as a team, a unit, a group.

•

The first thing that came to my mind was how Maxwell was the first person to recognize the effect the MC had on Liam, way before even Drake did. He was the first to realise that Liam had found in the MC something he’d never had before, and thought to himself “I don’t want Liam to lose that”. It makes his first invitation to Cordonia that much more poignant, IMO.

• Lol I love how both Liam and Drake’s friendship is comprised entirely of them repeatedly rescuing each other 😂 They’re each other’s Knights in Shining Armour lol.

• OMG I FEEL SO VALIDATED BY WHAT LIAM SAID ABT HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH HANA?? I’D BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE BEFORE BOOK 2 CAME OUT OMG THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING LIAM xD

• “Even back then…I knew [Hana and I] would be kindred spirits” - PREACH BRUH THATS WHAT I SAID

•

I SAID THAT TOO.

• “[Hana] is brilliant at a great many things…but hiding her feelings isn’t one of them”. AND THAT.

• In one fell swoop, Pixelberry made “With a Little Help From My Friends” parts one and two canon 😂😂

• Pixelberry also made @toglidethroughlife fic “This Love” partly canon with a way way happier ending if you’re a Liam stan xD

• This reminds me of that time when they made the abdication suggestion (and the MC’s response) that we saw in @violetflipflops “I Will Wait” canon too.

• “I didn’t realise that being a good ruler meant taking the reins for myself. Not until you.” Yes yes YES.

• MC you’re a shitty dog owner. You didn’t even notice your dog has been missing for the last few days? Whaaaaaa?

• He called me queen of his heart 😭😭😭😭

.• YES LIAM YES YES YES I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SAY YES SINCE CHAPTER 16 OF BOOK 1

• GUYS DID YOU NOTICE WE GET A ROMANCE MEGAPOINT ONCE WE GET ENGAGED???

• Back when I played the chapter I assumed the megapoint meant this LI would be exclusive for you from that point on…but alas. Looks like that isn’t the case. I do think we’ll see this megapoint next chapter with the others too. Maybe.

•

What he means is “sorry, Joy, I don’t think your little eyes can handle the smut”.

• Soooo this time’s diamond option is purely sexytimes, with a side order of Lady Liberty trivia. (the lightning one sounds ominous and symbolic of Liam in some ways). I’m okay with that because I really liked the non-diamond journey that preceded it, I thought that was a beautiful way to retrace their steps to the very beginning of their journey together.

• Also. As I have said before. Cordonian men have a thing for pinning their women to walls 😂

• This comes up if the MC speaks about Lady Liberty being struck by lightning 600 times.

Liam says the MC represents possibility. The MC says this. The Bad is gonna happen fam. In the Finale 😭😭😭

• Yknow there are several ways this could go down:

1. An assassination

2. A coup

3. Possible leaking of Constantine’s involvement in the conspiracy, leading to people losing their faith completely in Liam. It would take a great amount of effort for Liam to win his people’s trust, all through no fault of his own 😭

I hate option 1 but at least I hate it the least 😭😭😭 I’d much rather Liam get heroically injured than emotionally and publically torn apart like that 😭😭😭😭

• MADELEINE KNOWS SOMETHING.

• MAYBE REGINA KNOWS SOMETHING TOO IDK. MAYBE EVEN ADELEIDE KNOW SOMETHING. OR NOT. IM SO CONFUSED.

• If you reject Liam’s proposal, the resulting behaviours from the MC’s side are highly problematic:

1. She does it NOW when this man is on his one knee with a ring. Imagine how much more poignant and beautiful this admission would have been if they let you say it way back at the balcony. Imagine having the opportunity to tell Liam you love someone else at that point, seeing him conflicted, sad, confused - BUT AT LEAST he knows the stakes and knows it involves you finally going to the love interest of your choice in the end. Imagine him saying “I’m hurt, and sad, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that we clear your name.” How much more poignant that scene would have been. How much richer would it have made Liam’s story with you even if you weren’t pursuing him. It would allow him to maybe explore other options with other people. And it would be completely in character for him to let go that way. The MC, Liam and all the LIs would have wound up all looking good. Having it stretch out this far and crushing him like this is great drama but it makes the MC look like a complete tool. ESP when Liam offers her a duchy and her response is to be happy. HAPPY. “Sure I trampled your heart on my high heels but LAND. TITLES. MY OWN COAT OF ARMS. YAY. Who cares about you boo?”

2. Having the option of kissing him, and having sex with him, even though you have rejected him. Sure, Liam tries to make us feel better about initiating by bringing up the way Cordonia secretly does relationships, but in this case they don’t have consent from the LIs. She’s telling him she wants to have sex with him, at a time when he is vulnerable, desperately in love, still not over her, shocked and confused. That’s manipulative on levels I can’t even begin to describe. There should have allowed Liam to pull a Zig here, not continue placing her on a pedestal. Zig wants the TF MC, and he makes his feelings very clear to her while playing pool, but if she chooses to cheat on her LI with him he makes it very clear how absolutely callous that is on both him and the other LI. It makes it clear that this choice - taken with no one’s consent, and obviously focussed just on her own needs without caring whether other people will get hurt in the process - is wrong. He lets her know her behavior was terrible. Liam would have been well within his rights to tell the MC that too.

At the very least they could have had Liam bring the polyamorous option up and THEN state “but hey, you shitty person, we don’t have Drake/Hana/Maxwell’s say on this yet”.

This isn’t in any way comparable to the Liam/Madeleine/MC situation. Liam was in a forced arrangement, one that he had been clearly manipulated into. Liam had Madeleine’s explicit consent, and got the MC’s as well, before moving forward. Plus he never intended to keep the arrangement with Madeleine, hoping to break it when the MC’s name was cleared (a promise he acted upon and fulfilled immediately, might I add). Here, the MC and Liam are free, as are the other LIs, and they have nothing holding them back. And as I mentioned earlier there is no explicit consent from the LIs, the way there was with Madeleine. Liam is a guy who stayed ridiculously faithful to the MC from the moment she entered the competition, didn’t even look in the direction of the rest of the competition when he was well within his rights to. Ignored Madeleine to a large extent the whole duration of their engagement. Basically ONLY lavished attention, love and devotion to the MC. What about this guy screams “yeah let’s bang without consent from the ppl you’re actually in love with” to you?

• Liam is not the one with the problem here. Nor is the player. The problem is the writing and the game.

• This is an obvious attempt at cashgrab. Now that we will begin to go official with our LIs, how are we going to buy ALL the exclusive LI scenes the way we’ve been doing so far? They can’t completely diverge the stories the way they did with RoE (RoE could afford to do this because there were other characters and storylines we could find ourselves invested in, so restricting it to just one LI in Book 3 was okay), nor can they do what they’re currently doing in TS or ES or LH because the relationship dynamics in this book are vastly different. So they bring up this piss poor excuse so that they can still manage to make sex scenes with the LIs possible even if you’re supposed to be going official with them by the end of the book. Ick. All it does is leave a bad taste in my mouth.

• Other stans I hope you get your sexytimes soon!

#the royal romance #trr liam #liam x mc #trr maxwell #trr hana #trr drake #trr bertrand #trr quick thoughts #quick thoughts

122 notes · View notes

survivenovascotia · 4 years

Text

Episode 5 - they finally swapped us - Austin

I’m taking more of a leadership role on this tribe, trying to make more calls with the challenge. On a smaller tribe it is less risky to do that, and also more risky to go to tribal if people find a reason to target you its easy to get numbers. Dylan especially is a worry for me, in the past he has turned on me for absolutely no reason, so idk how much I can trust him. Dan seems ok, he gave us good intel about the other tribe. Still makes sense to vote him out if we go to tribal though lets not make enemies out of the og tribe just to save one guy.

Tribe swap. Honestly I’m not freakin out abt it bc I’ve got Stephen & Austin who’ve both been pretty good in challenges so. Hopefully I can Michelle my way to the merge Even seems chill he’s just got a russel hantz profile picture which is a lil susp Although I’ll admit I’m a lil sad this is a cooperative challenge bc I really don’t work well cooperatively. Especially when these people are choosing words like CAT and WASHINGTON DC have y’all never played scattergories the object is to get the most random ass answers. We can’t put Unagi that’s way too common, we gotta put UNI, which means sea urchin & is a delicacy. If someone else puts uni I would literally cry I’d be such a clown Xiomara? BITXH have y’all seen Jane the Virgin? Hell no!! We putting Serena spelled with an X. She’s a character in a short story I wrote it’s a real name look it up. Sorry to rant I just can’t believe one of these boys chose Cat. Cat. R u joking

So after 4 straight wins from my tribe they finally swapped us. Dylan, me, eric,and stephen from my og tribe long with dan from the other tribe. I like it and think we are gonna do well together. Dan told me sunshine said I was trustworthy which I appreciated. I dont wanna lose any challenges but if we do I feel maybe i should try and save dan? Idk i wanna be a lil more risky then i usually play in other games. Just gotta see what happens but idc to flip for my own game to do better.

LOCK & MANCALA. LOCK & MANCALA mancala is like the most famous board game WHY did we choose that I said to go with Master Trainer: Pokémon why was that not CHOSEN I hope we lose so I can get voted out & be remembered as this seasons biggest bitch

My tummy is saying Fuck rn. I don't know how this tie breaker is gonna go

So what I am thinking it is going to be like is between Keegan and Coco but like Coco is my number 1 out here rn. Glo says she will protect me and Im trying to see what chips is feeling but I feel even when he says things Im like is this legit? Keegan wants to try working with me. I have to weigh my options but if I vote people from OG Musquodoboit tribe I upset everyone else there, if I vote Keegan, Who knows where on the totem pole I can be with the OG tribe.

It has been brought to my attention that the person I’ve been referring to as ‘even’ is actually dan. ukmmmmmmmmmmm okcay also MICHELLE let’s keep this Queen energy to the merge 😈😈

I think I’m cursed. This will be the fifth tribal council in a row I’m attending. Like how does this even happen? And of course I had to be dumb enough to step up and do the tie breaker which sent us to tribal. At first glance this could very well be the end of my game. Getting swap fucked is becoming a personality trait of mine at this point. However, Heather and I have been messaging and she said she’s going to talk to Chips and see about making a move to keep me in the game. I’m not sure who we’d vote out between Coco and Gloria but honestly I don’t care as long as I stay in the game.

Hosts, Admins and VL. I made a chart that went like 6 layers deep in before it would deadend and I’m like “oh okay it must be at the 6 layer mark”. Nope I got down to 8 layers (T1 was the first) and I feel like it’s either claimed or it’s down that path. In other news, my two biggest obstacles is the OG other tribe -_- me forgetting the other tribe’s name. The second obstacle is Kyle. Kyle thinks he runs the joint and I just play a “Sheeple” game when in reality I’m trying to make small moves to further myself in the game. Kyle and Livingston are close and Kyle, myself and Darcy are tight. Sunshine is the odd one out and a easy boot.

youtube

Update since recording, I think Chips is leaning more towards keeping Keegan oof im a swing vote then oof

Maybe I’m just getting massively played right now but I currently have an alliance chat with Heather and Chips and we’re deciding on voting Coco or Glo. And I have Coco asking me if I’d vote for Glo. Maybe I’m being bamboozled but this is actually looking a little bit promising for me staying in the game right now. I don’t want to get my hopes up too much. The last time that did I got annihilated.

Did I just suggest a Chips blindside? I- don't know. I am AHHHH. I am in a bad position next round that's FOR SURE

So unfortunately we are going to tribal. At first I thought Keegan would be an easy vote BUT Chips started playing dirty. He made a chat with Heather&Keegan and tried to form "majority" with them. They were discussing whether to eliminate me or Glo. I'm not having it. Heather and I came up with the plan to blindside Chips because he probably wouldn't see it coming. I kept telling Chips I was SO worried,SO nervous because none is talking to me but it's just all an act. Hopefully we can get rid of either Chips or Keegan tonight and even flush an idol if they use it on Keegan.

So ummm, Operation Chips Gone is under way. I am HELLA nervous! Idk if this is gonna work but I feel HELLA bad.

ok Chips has turned on me saying I am weak link on tribe and wants me voted out with Keegan staying safe, Heather and CoCO are in alliance with me and tipped me off. So our vote is CHIPS. but we all three fear the idol situation. So I may not survive but calling me weak link who beat Chips ass in Scavenger hunt and came from behind to do so lol yeppers Glo beat Chips. Anyways it might be good bye GLO GLO tonight and if so I did my best. That would be end for me I guess. <3 GLO <3

I think if we were on larger tribes and the challenge was different I might have thrown it. Bit as it is tribal only presents three options: a) vote out dan, which is not a big move or anything and is not going to change much. b) save dan, and vote out someone from my og tribe, which would piss off 8 other people I had ground work with, and c) Dan pulls something out of his ass and survives, voting one of us out. So yeah, no good scenarios for my long term game at tribal. However without it I can keep my relationships while also building new bridges with Dan that could help come merge and further.

If Glo is truly the vote tonight, I’m probably going to cry. Not even going to sugar coat it. I’ll be crying. She’s just so pure and so nice and just this incredible person. I’m trying to not let it sway my judgement too much. I’m tearing up just thinking about her leaving. But if Heather and Chips are being honest with me and not conspiring against me they’ve both said they’d vote for Glo. And all I need to do right now is stay in the game. Against all odds, I might just manage to stay in the game in a disasterous 4v1 swap. The biggest downside after this is getting Evan(?) back from Oak Island. I’m praying he’s not close with Heather and Chips or I might not survive another tribal.

So we got swapped onto a tribe of 5... and lost the first immunity challenge on that tribe. Keegan is the obvious vote since he got swapped onto our tribe. I'd rather not. Spent all day lying to Glo telling her I was going to vote him. If for some reason that's not the case and Glo doesn't go, cool. I got gamed. Also, I'm in an alliance chat with Heather and Keegan and lowkey I love it. I want to see this be a final 3 but I'm not going to get ahead of myself.

Conspiracy theory: coco, glo & Keegan voted out chips, heather on the outs. No fucking clue why but it’s the only thing that makes sense. This whole game is so scary I’m like watching blindsides & murdering happening & im just chillin on the sidelines

KEEGAN SURVIVED! I’m so happy for him! That’s all I wanted. Hopefully Keegan and Dan can make merge. I wanna throw the F14 immunity to send home Sunshine but that’s just a thought. I always said my two biggest obstacles were the OG other tribe and Kyle. That’s still true but maybe there’s hope for the first obstacle!

Oh damn, I didn’t see that coming. There are two possible situations here: 1) That Keegan managed to pull two votes in with promises and shit, and 2) That there was a pre-existing alliance against Chips (and others) that I wasn’t aware of. This is worrying, not only did I just lose someone I wanted to work with but it shows I’m not that aware of what’s going on. Not good.

I watched the tribal council. Keegan wasn’t even on the chopping block which is great. Glo seems like a lovely lady and seems easy to bond and manipulate. Great for me 🐍. Our alliance including Dan, with Keegan and his allies can make a strong group and potential majority. I feel like at merge I can play my cards right and secret pull strings.

Chips was voted out which is honestly a big surprise to me but at least I’m still here! Who survived a 4v1 Swap Fucking? This guy!

0 notes