#so they strive for greatness. but you refuse to see them as anything but great. because THEYRE not YOU. they’re nothing like you

[sammydem0n64]

I love lingering when it comes to introducing oc story and lore because ohh oh ohhhhh it’s fun seeing reactions to plot points and discussing them and what not. But it’s also scary because I won’t like it if I’m judged for a story direction because people don’t like a character or smth. But also who caresssss I call it a jumpscare to see horrible people fully comprehend that they’re horrible and try to fix themselves and build themself from the ground up. I call it that fucked up people can realize their wrongs and change themselves for the better. I call it nuance. I call it look at these ocs boy

[ichatake]

Hii! Can I request a Kakashixreaderxobito fic where the reader is helping Obito “re enter” society and they basically become best friends( but Kakashi starts to feel weird about it because he actually fell for the reader too (but refuses to accept love because duh) ya know, some angst to get through the week 🕺 I hope that makes sense hahaha thank youuu so much! 🫶

Requests are open! (Request rules)

A/N: This is one of my longest works I’ve ever made tee hee. I really hope you enjoy!! (Sorry it seems a little rushed :( )

Summary: Obito, after surviving the war was allowed back into the village. You made it your mission to make sure he gets completely rehabilitated. However, a certain someone gets jealous at the loss of attention.

Pairing: Obito x reader x kakashi

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It was a process. Everything that came after the war was a process. Great ninjas were lost, and some were found. Heartbreaks and heartwarmths were felt by all the people who were affected by this dreadful event. However, they sought to move forward, and push the formidable thoughts away. Because there was no time for regret, but only determination to bring back the villages—the families that were caught in the hellfire.

You had thankfully survived the war right along with some of your comrades. You had lost some to the Ten Tailed beast, but you knew the only way to honor their lives was to remember them for the outstanding ninjas they were. They had fought their final battle alongside you, and it was time for them to rest as the brave heroes they were. Your heart had been shattered by everything that had occurred—the deaths and the revelations. The revelation of the man who seemed like the spitting image of a boy you once knew. A kind, sweet boy that strived to become the Hokage. A boy with dreams so big, he’d do anything to achieve them. Obito Uchiha.

It shattered you to see who he had become, and why he had become this new person. It hurt how he didn’t think of himself as Obito Uchiha, but as someone else. He lived as someone else. It broke you a little, because you couldn’t wrap your head around this. How could this man—the boy you once admired when you were both at the academy—become so heartless. You couldn’t understand it. However, as if the universe was trying to put the pieces back in place, Obito had a change of heart. You thank Naruto for this—you didn’t know how the boy did it, but he always managed to get into people’s hearts. And just like Sasuke, Obito was welcomed—with very hesitant open arms, back into the leaf village.

Of course, this wasn’t an easy process. There were still people who didn’t trust him, and wanted nothing to do with him. It was a hard decision to make, but everyone deserves a second chance. So, the decision was made. He would be welcomed back to the village on the conditions of having someone watch him at all times—or as they called it—being under supervision. This was, to Obito, reasonable. He had been one of the main causes of the war, so the least he could do was accept this with a good heart. The difficult part was searching for someone who would actually agree to watch him. They needed a strong ninja. One that could put Obito in his place if he ever did anything remotely threatening. They thought Kakashi would’ve been the perfect candidate, but he was now the Hokage.

However, they never expected you to volunteer. You were a great ninja. Strong, smart, truthful. You were fit for the job, sure, but they were hesitant to just let you supervise him. But, after some convincing, you were allowed to take Obito under your wing, and trust me, it was a hard process. This man had been socially secluded. He was hated by most of the villagers, and he could see it. Anytime he walked down the roads of Konoha, the people would glare and snarl at him. He was a monster to them, and he knew that. He was difficult to crack open. I mean, did you really expect him to be just like he was when he was a kid? Of course not, you knew better than that.

You would always notice how his eyes landed on the ground, and he walked with his head low. You also knew he was slightly embarrassed of his scars. They were permanent proof of everything that had happened since the beginning. How could you get him used to society again? Had you volunteered to do this with blind eyes?

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“Are you hungry?” You asked as you searched around in the kitchen. You didn’t think the ‘have him under your supervision at all times’ rule was going to be this strict. I mean, he was living with you now. It’s been about two weeks since he’s been in your house, and he’s still tense. The unfamiliar atmosphere was just… not easy to get used to. At least for him. He wasn’t used to people, or kindness, or just… this.

“No,” he mumbled while he sat tensely on the dining chair. He looked like a black dot on a white sheet of paper. He didn’t quite fit in anywhere. You’ve tried to get him to speak more, but the most you get out of him a day is a few polite sentences. That’s it.

You frown, looking back at him as he looks out the window, “well you have to eat something. You can’t just go without eating for long hours,” you say as you lean on the counter, “how about we get some ramen, I bet you’d—,”

“I don’t want to go out,” he quickly cut you off, his head snapping towards you. Although the action might’ve seemed rude, his tone was soft, and… tired. He genuinely didn’t want to go out. Not that it surprises you. This isn’t the first time he’s refused to leave the house.

You sigh and rub your face, not out of frustration, but because you were thinking of a way to convince him, “I know that you don’t like going out—I understand, but you’ll make no progress being stuck in here with me,” you look at him to see a reaction, but his face still held that frown you hated to see. “I mean, sure, you can stay here if you want to, but you already know I’m not good at conversation. I’m pretty boring,” you chuckle, your attempts to lighten the mood were pretty bad.

You walk over to the dining table and sit across from him, crossing your legs and looking out the window, “you’ll have more fun outside than in here. Unless you want me to bore you with some of my life stories,”

His brow was raised with curiosity, his interest being peeked, “Maybe not,” he says and sits a little straight, his body turning to face you. You were surprised at this, just a little. He had never made an effort to keep the conversation going. He usually just stayed quiet or gave dry responses.

“Oh come on, you definitely don’t want to hear that,” you chuckle nervously, but his eye never left yours. “We don’t know that,”

“Okay then…,” you pause for a moment before continuing what you were going to say, “I’ll tell you about a few things, and if you're not bored out of your mind, we can stay here for the rest of the day. If you are, however, we’re taking a walk,” you say, although you knew that even if he was fed up with your blabbering, he’d still prefer that over going out. With a nod, he agreed to your offer and listened attentively.

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Hours had passed since the offer. It turns out, you weren’t really bored at all. At least, in his eyes. You two hadn’t spoken since his ‘death’ so he had missed out on a lot of things. It was interesting to hear all of the stories you had. You were… cool. He thought. Yeah, you weren’t half as bad as he thought you were, no offense. He caught himself wanting to know more, nodding and interrupting you sometimes to just ask about certain things. To you, this was a massive win! He seemed to be getting used to you, and he was warming up a little.

“So you teach?” He asks, amusement laced his voice, “what? Is that really absurd?” You raise a brow, crossing your arms slightly while he gently waved his hand over his face, “No, no, I just remember you as a bad teacher,”

“A bad—excuse me?” You gasp with fake offense, which made him crack a smile. Your heart almost stopped because this was the first time he smiled since he got here. “I’m just saying, remember that time I asked you to teach me about a specific Jutsu?” He asks and you nod your head, “well, I have great memories of you shaking your head in disappointment and telling me I was doing it all wrong,” he looks at you and almost cracks a chuckle,

“Okay, I was young alright? I didn’t have the patience I have now,” you chuckle and shake your head, “so, for your information, I’m a very good teacher,”

He made an expression that screamed ‘suuuure’, which made you laugh, “oh, come on, don’t look at me like that,”

He shrugs, “I’ll believe that when I hear it from your students,” he says, not expecting anything to come from it, but a lightbulb had just been lit in your mind, “Alright, then let’s go talk to them,”

His eye suddenly widens as you say this, “what?” He watches you as you stand up and grab your keys. “Lets go talk to them so you see what a good teacher I am,” you say with your hands on your hip.

“I— I didn’t really mean it like that. It was just a joke—,”

“Joke or not, you deserve to meet them. Come on, they’ll love you,”

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With a lot of convincing, you had gotten Obito to go outside. He was once again going into shut off mode. He didn’t speak and his eyes were glued to the ground. However, you wanted him to look forward to going out, so you tried your best to make him comfortable. “You see, they’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” you say to catch his attention. He slightly looks up from the ground, to look at you. You were a few feet ahead of him, guiding him though the village. “This one boy, he really reminds me of you,” you look back at him, only for him to look back at the ground. “How so?” He asks quietly.

“Well, he’s very stubborn. Always having a rivalry with his teammate and—,” you stop yourself and clear your throat, “he’s just like you in different ways,” she says and stops in front of Ichiraku. Two silhouettes sat inside. “Ah, here they are,” you say as you enter, looking back at Obito with a reassuring smile. He looks at you and hesitantly enters the shop, looking at the two boys who were sitting on the other side.

They look back at you and one of them grins, greeting you loudly while the other sits calm and politely says hello. The loud one had thick black hair, round dark eyes and a contagious smile, while the quiet one was quite the opposite. It made Obito… uncomfortable. No, not because he didn’t know them or anything, but the similarities between them and Obito and Kakashi were unsettling.

“I thought you weren’t showing up,” Toko, the loud one, whines, “I’m not surprised, she’s always late,” Kenji, the quiet one says. His nose was buried in his book while his friend rolled his eyes.

“Well I’m here, aren’t I?” You chuckle and stand aside, “I’m here with a guest,”

Kenji lowers his book in curiosity, his pale eyes falling onto Obito with a monotone expression. It reminded him so much of Kakashi. “A guest? Where?” Toko asked, before he looked at the obvious answer right in front of him. “Oh—Oh!” He exclaims, his eyes slightly wide. “You’re—youre,”

“Obito,” you say, “Obito, this is Toko and Kenji,” you introduce them, earning an awkward ‘hey’ from Obito, and the same with Kenji. However, Toko immediately stood up in his seat, “I have so many questions,” he says with bright eyes, “I never thought I’d see you in person so soon,”

Obito was taken slightly aback, he wasn’t expecting such a reaction, and to be honest, the boy kind of reminded him of himself. “Sit down Toko,” Kenji scoffs, but it was obvious the boy had some questions of his own.

“Now, now boys, I don’t think Obito feels comfortable answering questions just yet. He’s still getting used to things and—,”

“It’s okay,” he cuts you off before you continue. He sat down beside Toko, who seemed like he was shaking out of excitement. For the first time since Obito got here, he felt… visible. Like he wasn’t being judged by anyone. On the contrary, the boys looked at him not with disgust, but interest.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to,” you reassure, worried that he might be doing this because he felt forced to, “I’m sure,”

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The night went on smoothly. You were surprised at how much Obito talked—heck, he talked more with your students than with you! The conversation ranged from different types of Jutsus, to the sharingan, to the Uchihas. You had been worried all night that Toko might ask something too personal that would make Obito uncomfortable, but to your surprise, he seemed to be very at ease. Even Kenji had begun to ask some questions, to your surprise.

Of course, the night was coming to an end, and the boys needed to leave. They said their goodbyes and left, making you sit there with Obito. You were silent for a few minutes before you looked at him, “Are you okay?” You asked, concerned that one of the boys asked him something offensive.

“Yeah,” he says and looks at you, his eyes wandering your face and his lips moving as if to say something. You wait patiently for him to speak, tilting your head to the side, “what is it?”

His lips press against each other, turning them into a flat line before he finally speaks, “there’s two of them, aren’t there supposed to be three?” He asks, his eye staring deep into yours.

“Oh..,” you say and look down for a moment, “yeah, there’s supposed to be three,” you look at your nails, trying to find them interesting as the topic makes you a little saddened.

“Then what happened?” He asks curiously, not catching the glimpse of your smile fading slowly. Now it was your turn to bite your lips. You didn’t know how to bring this up because you never liked bringing it up. No one ever asked before either, because the whole village knew what happened.

“We uh… we lost her,” you say with grief, “on a mission,”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” he says and shook his head, “I shouldn’t have asked—,”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay,” you smile reassuringly and pay for the meals. “I’m okay. And so are the boys. They’re strong,” you stand up and look outside, “it’s getting dark, we should probably head back home,”

“…yeah,”

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“So, you haven’t made any progress?” The silver haired man you know as Kakashi asks from in front of you. Considering he had become Hokage almost immediately after the war, you two barely got to see each other. Obito was currently getting tested at the infirmary for… who knows what. Kakashi didn’t give details about it.

“No, that’s not what I said,” you furrow your brows, “he’s having a hard time getting around. He doesn’t like going outside because people treat him nasty—,”

“And rightfully so. (Y/N), you might not get it, but this is the man who almost wiped the earth clean,” he says in a serious tone, “I know you keep thinking he’s like he used to be—the Obito from the past, but he’s not,”

“He’s trying—,”

“He’s a criminal,” you were slightly taken aback by his tone. You had never heard Kakashi speak about someone so roughly, and you’ve known him for years. You had become good friends since he became a teacher—so it really did surprise you. “You can’t be treating him like some old friend. You must take this seriously,”

“Everyone deserves a chance. He was your friend. You know him better than anyone here,” you say as you sat uncomfortably, “Even Sasuke isn’t being shunned to this extreme,”

“Because Sasuke didn’t start a war,” he refutes, “Then what are you suggesting I do?” You ask as you cross your arms, “I don’t get why you're being so.. so,” you look at him and sigh, “I’m sorry, I’ve just been really out of it. You know I hate mistreatment,” you rub your temples.

“It’s okay,” he sighs, “I just want to make sure you're not doing this because you feel forced to—,”

“I would never. I volunteer to supervise him, and I intend to make this an easy process for every party,” you say confidently, “after all, Obito and I are getting along just fine. He’s even met my students. I’ve seen good progress in him, even if it takes a little time,” you smile, “it’s like I’m slowly bringing him back,”

Kakashi stares at you for a few seconds—it was impossible to read his expression or what he was thinking, but his brows were furrowed together. You might've thought he had an expression of distaste if it weren’t for his mask, “I see… then that’s all for today. I wanted to check up on your progress, but I see that you are doing fine by yourself,”

You frown slightly at his words. You would’ve felt praised if it weren’t for his tone of voice. It seemed a little cold. You didn’t understand why—maybe it was because he was still bitter about everything that happened in the war, just like everyone else, but he out of all people should understand Obito, or at least, try to. “Right, then I’ll get going,”

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It seemed the time that you used to spend with Kakashi was replaced by Obito. You two seemed to get closer to each other with each day, and you were glad. He woke up early in the morning now, telling you good morning, and asking what you would do today. If you had to go out, he’d go with you. If you stayed inside, he’d stay with you—Although you mostly thought it was because he literally had no choice but to do so.

You saw him smile more often, and the village seemed to be accepting him more and more. All of your hard work was starting to pay off. Your students seemed to love him, and so did Naruto. Obito loved to speak with your students as well. They reminded him so much of himself when he was younger. Your friendship grew so much, he even insisted on going to watch you train your students. You were glad—no, not glad. You were happy to hear this, immediately agreeing to his request.

Currently, you were sitting down on the grass while your two students sparred, Obito sitting right beside you. “You know, they remind me a lot of how things used to be,” he says while looking at the two boys, “you really weren’t kidding when you said Toko was my twin,” he chuckles, leaning back against a tree.

“I told you,” you smile at him gently before looking back at your students. “So, have you spoken to Kakashi yet?” you ask curiously, considering the last time you spoke to Kakashi about Obito he was a little… bitter about it. You understood why, but it didn’t mean you wanted that to happen.

“No, not since after… everything,” He says with a straight face, "I don't think he’d want to talk to me ever. Not that I care much anyways, I also carry resentment,” he says, not meeting your eyes as he’s focused on the two figures in front of him. They fought hand to hand, and their friendly rivalness was giving him nostalgia. The sound of their weapons clanking made him remember just how much he and Kakashi would always fight. Rin would always watch. His face drops at the memories.

“I see,” you frown, “I just wanted to know because you two deserve to flip the page and start anew,” you look at him, “I certainly forgive you. And I don’t blame you—,”

“(Y/N), I’m not a good person,” he cuts you off with furrowed brows, “And I don’t expect anyone to forgive me. Especially not kakashi. After everything that’s happened, the best thing we can do is forget we even exist,”

“I don’t think that way,” you say sternly, “I believe everyone deserves a chance, and that doesn’t exclude you. You had your reasons—heck, you were a kid when you were manipulated—”

“Manipulated?” his head snaps towards you, “it was my decision,”

“You were a kid,” you refute, but he shakes his head, “It doesn't matter,”

“It does! You were a kid, you were vulnerable—”

“And what do you know?” he asks, a little agitated. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way, but his chest was slightly burning up. “You weren't there when it happened. You didn’t know Kakashi, Rin or me that well. So how could you possibly know what I feel? How could you understand?”

“Because I have a heart. You were a vulnerable kid who was grieving the death of someone you loved. You were filled with rage, and Madara took advantage of that,” you spoke calmly, because the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel even worse than he already was, “You didn’t speak to the people you held closest to your heart. You were ripped away from the village in hopes of false promises,” everything you said, you knew because of him. He had talked about this with you shortly after becoming more comfortable with you. You did know, you weren’t exactly there, but you did understand him.

“Please don’t live your life regretting what you did, or hanging onto hatred,” you frown and put a hand on his shoulder, “This is a new beginning for you. One that you were given even after thinking you didn’t deserve it,” you smile, “take advantage of that and work on yourself. If you’re having a hard time doing so, then I’ll help you. I will always be here for you,”

Your words left him speechless. Honestly, he didn’t know what to say. He was at a loss for words. You made him feel… different. A good difference. It was like you were the thing he most longed for. You were pure kindness… It almost reminded him of Rin. No, it did remind him of Rin. His eye never left yours as he tried to think of something to say. Your hand on his shoulder felt so tender and gentle, something he hadn't experienced in a long time. “I care for you Obito,”

He stares at you for what felt like ages, but finally, he worked up the courage to say something, “thank you,”

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“I want a rematch!,” Toko whines, looking at the other teenager who stood crossed arms, “I already won, I don’t think you want me to beat you again,” he says and rolls his eyes.

“Okay boys, that’s all for today. Go home and rest,” you say and chuckle, seeing how Kenji helps Toko up from the ground. The boys packed their things before saying goodbye to both you and Obito. After they left, it was silent. Obito was still deep in thought after your conversation.

“Well, I need you to help me get some things. We’re kind of out of groceries and I need to restock,” you say before turning to him, “Unless you want to go home. That’s okay, I’ll do the grocer—”

“No, I’ll come with,” you were once again surprised by this, but immediately smile, “Okay then,”

It’s safe to assume that you and Obito were starting to become closer than what anyone imagined. Some might say it's too close. He seemed to smile more around you, and since some time had passed, he was now allowed to roam freely without having to be under your supervision. However, he refused to leave your side, and you didn’t mind at all. You were glad, because the bubbling feeling in your stomach everytime he laughed or made you laugh was amazing.

However, you were conflicted. For the longest time, you had always liked a certain silver haired Jonin. Kakashi was always your crush—kind of. You weren’t obsessed with him, but there was an obvious interest. You spent a lot of time together, and were set out on a lot of missions together as well. It’s safe to say that you were always together at all times. You weren’t sure if he had actually reciprocated your feelings, because he never showed any sign of interest in you. I guess that’s kind of why you started losing feelings for him as soon as he became Hokage. He was always busy, and you were too. He never seemed to be interested in you the way you were of him, so it didn’t matter.

Obito seemed to be replacing Kakashi in every sense of the matter. He was now the person you’d spend your time with 24/7. You laughed and joked with him, ate with him, lived in the same house as him. Everything you did, he was right by your side. And the best thing about all of this was that Obito seemed to be interested in you too. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but the way compliments would slip out of his mouth from time to time would make your stomach flip. The way he now sits right beside you instead of across you everytime you eat just to be closer to you made you feel amazing. He was trying to be as subtle as possible, but he failed miserably. To him, you had become someone he truly cared for. You were so kind to him, even after everything. You trusted him, because you knew who he was. You understood him in every sense of his being, and he was glad. He was just so glad he had you. Because it was as if the universe reunited you two. It was meant to happen.

It seemed the tables had been severely flipped, much to someone’s distaste. Kakashi, although always busy, heard the talk of the town. He heard the rumors, he heard the stories. He heard about how you and Obito were supposedly going out. Or how you were supposedly spotted at a restaurant together. All of this, Kakahsi could handle, because he knew they were just rumors of the town. Of course the people would start to assume things like that. Obito had to be with you at all times, so of course it would stir up a few rumors here and there. But, it made him wonder if it was actually true.

What exactly were you to Kakashi? Why did he find himself caring so much about these stupid rumors going around? He never admitted this before, but you were special to him. Ever since you were kids, he had an interest in you. At the academy and even after joining the Anbu. You always had a special place in Kakashi’s heart. To him, you were priceless. You cared too much about silly things, and too little of yourself. He hated that about you, but he also loved it. Because it left room for him to love you. He always found himself thinking about you, both when he was a kid, and still to this day. He cursed himself for never telling you how he truly felt, but to him, his romantic feelings would subside with time. They didn’t, of course, he was just lying to himself.

Why exactly did he refuse to believe his feelings towards you? Well, he’s always been alone, and when he’s not, he ends up losing those closest to him. He didn’t want to lose you. He couldn’t afford to love you when he knew that you might leave him. He couldn’t afford another heartbreak, so he treated you as a friend. He was sure you liked him, he wasn’t stupid, and he was glad. He bathed in your sweetness, and he loved it. He loved knowing that you felt the same. However, his biggest mistake was never saying anything. Because now, he was worried that you didn’t want him anymore. Now that you didn’t want him, he wanted you the most. You barely come visit him at his office anymore, and when you do, it's strictly professional. He had never expected things to go this way. Sure, he was now the Hokage, but out of all the people to treat him with such ‘respect’, he didn’t expect it from you. He thought you’d stay the same as you were. Heck, you didn’t even call him by his name anymore. It was either Hatake or Sir, and neither of them left a good taste in his mouth.

That’s why he made sure that tonight, he’d make up for all the time he wasted just pushing you away.

“You called me here for something, Sir?” you ask as you enter his office,

“You know you don’t have to use formalities when we’re alone, right?” he asks with a chuckle, earning and chuckle from you, “I mean, you’re the Hokage, it’s disrespectful to talk to you as if you’re a normal person,”

He shakes his head before sitting down, “How have you been?” he asks, waiting for you to sit down, which you did.

“Um… Well, i’ve been good,” you say hesitantly, “It’s been peaceful,”

“Is that so? I would’ve assumed you’d be stressed thanks to Obito,” he says and rests his chin on the palm of his hand. You quickly look at him and smile, shaking your head with a chuckle. You instantly melt into the conversation, as if you two had never stopped hanging out, “Oh no, he’s an angel,” you cover your mouth with a giggle, “He’s already getting used to everything. You should’ve seen him helping the seniors. They love him,”

The more you spoke about Obito, the more his expression seemed to change, “i see,” he clears his throat, “I’m glad you’re getting along,” he says a little bitterly, but you didn’t quite catch that.

“I was meaning to ask,” you look at him with a smile, “Have you gotten to speak to him? I think it would be a good idea to talk things out. He told me he hasn’t spoken to you since he got here, so…,” you look at your hands, “maybe it wouldn’t be a bother if you two got to speak. I know things are tense right now, so I wanted to—,”

“I don’t think he’d want to agree with that. We’ve parted ways. It’s better to leave things as they are right now. Let things smooth as they go,” he says, earning a small ‘oh’ from you. He noticed how your smile slightly dropped.

“But, I do have tonight free. I was meaning to ask you— well, if you wanted to go out and eat. You know, so we can catch up,” he was hopeful. There was a big chance you’d say no, but to his surprise, your eyes lit up and your smile came back to your pretty face. “Of course, around what time were you planning? Not that I’ll be busy anytime today, I’m free all day,” you smile excitedly.

“How does six sound?”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

“You’re going out?” Obito asks as he lays on your bed. He had a habit of laying on it whenever he could. He would always say it was much more comfortable than his.

“yeah, I thought I told you?” you say as you look through your closet, “No, not really. Where are you going?” he asks curiously, sitting up to look at what clothes you were pulling out.

“I’m going out to meet the Hokage,” you say with a smile, slightly excited that you would get to catch up with him again. This made Obito raise a brow, “So, you’re going out to meet Kakashi,” he states with a ‘matter of fact’ tone “Yes,” you affirm and turn to him. He lays back down, but still looks at you, “Why? Is it like, some weird date or something?”

“No! We’re just going to catch up since we barely spent any time together since he became Hokage,” you say and hold up a dress, “Do you think this is nice?” you smile and show off your dress. A hand comes and pushes the dress aside gently, “It sounds like a date to me,” he looks at your face, kneeling on the bed now.

“Obito, it’s not a date,” you put the dress down, “Even if it was, what's the big deal?”

“Nothing, I’m just saying,” he stands up and walks towards the closet, pulling out another dress, This one was a navy colored one, nothing fancy, but it was still pretty “This one would look way better,” he grins “It’s my favorite color too,”

You smile and take the dress, “Alright,”

After getting dressed and ready, you say goodbye to Obito, who is still on your bed. You heard him ask for some sweets when you got back—but you didn’t really hear him well.

You were both excited and nervous. You didn’t know what to expect. I mean, you knew Kakashi wanted to catch up, sure, but you didn’t know what to expect from yourself. One day you thought you were completely over Kakashi, and now you’re questioning your feelings again. To some extent, your feelings for Kakashi were still very much strong and alive. You were dumb for thinking that you could just forget about him. However, you also felt a little something for Obito. Your mind was reeling with many thoughts. You honestly didn’t know what to do anymore. It was like Kakashi controlled what you felt, and when you could feel it without even trying. You didn’t blame him of course, but it frustrated you a lot.

After a while of walking, you finally saw Kakashi waiting for you at the bridge. You smile and walk towards him, his head turning towards you once he hears your shoes. You assume he smiled at you at the way his eyes turn into crescent moons, “hey,” he greets, turning to face you. “You look wonderful,”

“Thank you,” you reply, your smile never leaving your face as your cheeks are dusted pink. You give him a compliment in return as well, “So, where are we going to eat?” You ask, standing besides him as he begins to lead the way, “I reserved a spot at the new restaurant that just opened recently. I’ve heard real good things about it, and I wanted to bring someone special with me,”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, but you didn’t want to think much of it, “I see,” your cheeks were dusted pink, your lips forming a small smile as you looked down. He noticed this, and smiled to himself. After all this time, he still had that effect on you.

The restaurant was pretty different from all the others in Konoha. It was a little more modern than any other restaurant, and it just screamed expensive. “Wow, this place looks amazing,” you say as you look around, already sitting across from Kakashi, “I’m not sure I can afford to come here more than two times. It looks really expensive,” you laugh, earning a chuckle from him, “Maybe you won’t have to pay. If you come with me, I’ll definitely make sure to pay for everything. Just like tonight,” he tilts his head with a smile, his eyes closed.

“Oh no, don’t bother, I brought money—,”

“I said I’ll pay (Y/N), don’t worry about it,” he put a hand over yours when you went to reach for your pouch. You look at his hand and then at him, “Are you sure?” He nods and leans back, pulling his hand away from yours, “of course, I was the one who invited you. I’m not letting you pay,” he chuckles. He was so handsome.

The afternoon was going really well. Both were having a nice conversation during your meal—although, you had no idea how he was eating since not once did you see him pull down his mask—and were just enjoying yourselves. You felt euphoric. It was nice being with him again. You had forgotten exactly why you had fallen for him all those years ago, and today you were being reminded. He was so nice, so funny, so perfect to you. He read you like a book and listened to everything you had to say. It was just nice.

“You know, I missed this,” you say, taking the last bite of your food and smiling, “I forgot when was the last time that we actually spoke like this. For hours,” you rest your chin on your palm, “I thought we wouldn’t get to do this anymore”

“I thought so too,” he says and looks into your eyes. He fell quiet as he stared at you. This had to be the moment. He needed to tell you now, because he wouldn’t get another chance if he didn’t.

“(Y/N), I have something really important I want to say,” he says, suddenly a little more serious than before, “I want you to be honest with me,”

You furrow your brows, sitting upright and nodding, “yeah, of course. What is it?”

“How do you really feel about me?” You were taken aback by his question, “I thought you wanted to say something important, not ask me something,” you chuckle a little nervously, trying to avoid answering, but he shook his head, “I’ll tell you when you answer me,”

“Well, I think…,” you stop for a moment, trying to form the words you so badly wanted to utter. ‘I’ve been in love with you for the past fifteen years,’ is all you wanted to say, but you couldn’t. Not when you were torn between telling him and forgetting Obito, or just never telling him at all. “You’re a wonderful person,” you say, and look at him. However, it seemed like that wasn’t the answer he wanted. “And I appreciate you a lot, for always being there for me for as long as I remember,”

The table was now quiet. He seemed to be thinking of what to say, and you were nervously waiting for his answer.

“Do you like me? Romantically,” he asks again, now going straight to the point, making your heart beat faster, “what?” You ask, gulping down the lump in your throat.

“Because I like you. I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember,” he declares, making your heart almost stop. You didn’t expect this. You never would’ve expected this. He had never treated you romantically in his life, so what was the occasion?

“I… Kakashi, I don’t understand,” you furrow your brows, “If that is really true, how come you never told me before—or at least dropped hints,”

“I didn’t want to give you false hopes. I wasn’t sure before, mostly because I was afraid to get hurt,” he admits, “but now I’m sure,”

“But why now? Why now all of a sudden?” You ask, the timing seemed weird. How come now, that you weren’t speaking as much as before, he wanted to confess. Why now?

“I.. don’t know,” he blinks, “but what matters is that I told you,”

“I.. Are you being genuine?” You frown, “because the timing seems a little strange. I don’t understand why you suddenly seem interested in me. I mean, we haven’t hung out, we haven’t spoken—you never showed interest in me before this moment. Why is it that now you suddenly want to say this to me,” you didn’t understand why you weren’t happy. I mean, you liked him, of course, but it felt strange.

The puzzle pieces didn’t fit, and the only reason as to why he was seemingly starting to take an interest now, was because you were spending more time with Obito. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but come on, it was plausible. It made sense if you thought about it. They technically hated each other, and it was no secret they were rivals and will always be rivals. It looked as if now that Obito was winning your attention, Kakashi wanted it back.

“Of course I’m being genuine. I’ve always liked you,” he frowns, “Do you not like me?”

“It’s… it’s not that. I just, I don’t think I want anything right now. The timing seems off and I— I just don’t know if I’m sure of what I’m feeling,”

The air seemed to get tense the more you spoke. You seemed conflicted, and Kakashi knew why. He knew why you were conflicted. “This is about Obito, isn’t it?” He suddenly asks, making your head snap towards him. “I…,” you didn’t know how to answer, because to some extent, yes, it was about Obito,

“I knew it,” he leans back, “you like him,”

“It’s not like that,”

“Then why is it that you suddenly changed your mind? I mean, I know you like me. Or at least liked. So why else would you not accept me?”

Now that makes you uncomfortable. He was speaking the truth, but the way he said it sounded wrong.

“Kakashi, things change,” you begin to explain, but you never expected what he said next.

“(Y/N), you can’t just fall for him. I’m not sure if he likes you, but if he does, it’s not genuine. It’s not fair to take advantage of someone who obviously has never been treated nicely before. Of course he’d fall for the first person to show him an ounce of respect,”

Your jaw dropped at his words. You couldn’t believe what you just heard. You had to process everything twice just to make sure you weren’t making things up. Kakashi had to admit he was talking out of frustration—since he wasn’t getting you easily. But this reached a whole different level.

“Unbelievable,” you finally say, reaching for your pouch and pulling out money. You slam it onto the table and stand up.

“(Y/N), wait—,”

“I want you to know that Obito deserves to be loved too, you know. Don’t you ever tell me I’m taking advantage of someone just because I love them,” you scoff and take your things, starting to storm your way out of there. Before you could leave, Kakashi caught your wrist, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he tries to convince, but you pull your arm away, “I know what you meant,” you snarl and finally exit, leaving a guilty Kakashi behind.

The walk home was hot. You felt hot all around. You were angry. Angry and hurt. His words kept swirling in your head.

‘It’s not fair to take advantage of someone who obviously has never been treated nicely before,’

Who did he think he was? How could he even say that? It hurts you. It hurt you because you liked him so much, but this? This made you think about what you felt. It made you question things.

Maybe you were overreacting. You didn’t know. Right now, you didn’t want to know. You got home and quickly stormed towards your bedroom after locking the door. You looked disheveled—and once you reached your bedroom, Obito quickly sat up from your bed, “you’re here early,” he says, but quickly stopped when he saw your red face. Concern washes over him as he stands up, “hey, what’s wrong?”

You stay silent, taking off your shoes while shaking slightly, “(Y/N), what’s going on?” he asks again, coming closer to you and placing his gentle hands on your shoulders, “Hey, look at me,”

You finally look up at him, eyes glossy with tears. You were so mad, so frustrated, that you couldn’t hold back your tears, “what’s wrong?” His voice was so gentle, so soothing. It was exactly what you needed right now. You had possibly ruined your relationship with Kakashi—no, you didn’t ruin it. He did.

“I just,” you choked as your tears finally fell. You hated crying. You hated that you cried when you just wanted to yell.

Instead of pushing you to speak, Obito pulled you into a hug. His arms wrapped around your waist as his hand held your head and pushed it towards his chest. It was so warm. “It’s okay, I’m here,” he whispers, his fingers gently tangling themselves into your hair. Your arms found themselves wrapping around him as well, holding onto him for what seemed like hours. Yet he never moved. He never uttered a word to hurt you. On the contrary, he let you know he was there for you. This is what you needed…

“Thank you, Obito,”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Days passed by since what happened at the restaurant, and today was the first time since the incident that you were called to the Hokage’s office. You felt dread wash over you when you received the message, you didn’t want to go, not after what happened. Oh, had I mentioned how Obito and you now seemed to be inseparable? That interaction had built a strong bond between the two of you. No words were spoken that night, but they didn’t have to be. Both of you created a connection no other person could achieve.

With every step you took, your body felt heavier. Dread consumed you and you couldn’t seem to open the door to his office. You didn’t know what to expect… however, you managed to build the courage to enter his office, straightening yourself and walking towards his desk, “you called for me, sir?”

His head tilts upwards to look at you, “Yes,” he answers dryly and pulls a scroll from his desk, “a mission for you, out in Kirigakure,” he waits for you to take the scroll, watching you intently. You felt as if his eyes were burning holes onto your skin. You reached for the scroll and took it.

“Take both your students with you,” he adds, and looks down at some papers, “that’s all,”

You weren’t expecting this attitude, but then again, what were you expecting? You felt weird. “Right, thank you,” you say, bowing respectfully before turning towards the exit. As you were about to open the door, he called for you. You turn your head towards him, and wait for him to speak.

“Just know that I’m sorry,” he says, which you simply nodded and left. Once you were out of sight, your heart dropped to your stomach. ‘You should’ve said something’ you thought, mentally facepalming. ‘He was trying to apologize and you just left? You’re so stupid’ you insult yourself as you walk out of the building. You wondered what this mission was about, but you didn’t check until you were back home.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

The mission was simple. There were some ninja terrorizing the village and they needed some help catching them. It wasn’t an S rank mission, but it was still pretty high up there. You assumed the ninja were pretty darn strong if you had to be sent out.

“A mission in the mist village?” Asked Obito as he peeked over your shoulder to see what the scroll said. “Apparently. It’ll take a few days I guess,” you sigh and place the scroll on the desk of your room, going to grab a bag to pack some things. Obito read the scroll with furrowed brows, “why couldn’t he send Naruto and his gang? I mean, they could handle it themselves,” he asks and watches you pack, “because they’re busy with their own missions,” you say, throwing some clothes and tools into your bag, “I have to leave in a few hours, so please keep the place tidy,” you say, turning towards him.

“Of course,” he shrugs and sits down on the bed, “and make sure to eat well—and don’t drool on my pillows this time,” you laugh as he blushed slightly, “that was one time,” he argued

“I know, I’m just messing with you,”

Once it was time to leave, you took your bag and wore your headband. Obito followed behind you as you walked towards the door. “Hey,” he called before you opened the door. You turn to him and raise a brow, “what is it?”

“Please be careful,” he says, obviously worried, “I mean, I know you’ll kick ass, but please be careful,” he smiles at you worriedly, but you grinned reassuringly, “don’t worry Obito, I’ll come back in one piece,” you chuckle and open your arms. He immediately leaned in to give you a strong hug, and for a moment it seemed like he didn’t want to let go. However, you needed to leave and he let go. He smiled gently and pinched your cheek, “alright, I’ll see you soon then,” he says and you nod, leaving him behind. You wondered what he’d do while you were gone, but decided it was better to keep your mind focused on your mission.

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

Now while you were gone, a surprise arrived at your doorstep. When Obito answered the door, it was two of Kakashi’s secretaries. “Obito Uchiha, you have been summoned to the Hokage’s office on urgent request,”

Him? What for? Although Obito wanted to ask these exact questions, he only nodded and followed them to the building. He hadn’t been called there for about two months, what could he possibly be called over there for.

Once they arrived, he was left alone in front of the office doors. Everything seemed different. The village itself had changed too much since the last time he was there—well, when he was a kid. He shook the thoughts away and entered the office. Finally, after two long months, Kakashi and Obito were back face to face.

“You called me,” Obito states, his arms crossing in front of his chest as he waits for Kakashi to speak. The silver haired man looks up from his paperwork, his dark eyes burning into Obito’s.

“Yes, we need to talk,”

[neptunianmars]

accessing your Descendant in astrology through shadow work

your Descendant is the cusp of your 7H, the exact opposite from your Ascendant/rising. while our Ascendant is how we exist in the world and what’s seen by others, your Descendant is what is hidden from others. it’s the traits we put in the closet so no one finds them. it’s one of the deepest parts of you, because not only is it out of sight from others, but usually out of sight from the individual themselves. you deny deny deny these qualities and find them impossible to be around, yet subconsciously look for them in others because deep down you know it’s part of who you are. some of these traits aren’t even considered negatively, but you will inherently view them as so. in order to come to balance with ourselves, we much accept the dark along with the light. practicing shadow work is a great way to peer into the closet and shed light on these characteristics in order to cope with them healthily. 

Aries Descendant: you deny the individuality in yourself. with a Libra Ascendant, your whole demeanor is dependent on your personal relationships. you hate the idea of figuring out who you are all on your own and rely on others to do it for you. you love to play the amiable card; you are friendly with everyone even if you shouldn’t be, you refuse to take sides, and you refuse to stand up for yourself. people who are too opinionated, loud, or aggressive get on your nerves, so you bury your anger, whether that means you express it only while alone or don’t express it at all. everyone knows the infamous expression: if you bottle it up, the bottle will pop eventually. getting a little fizz in their eyes is better than the bottle cap smacking them in the face. Aries wants you to get off the floor and be your own person, even if that means making a few people upset. 

Taurus Descendant: you deny the simpleness in yourself. with a Scorpio Ascendant, your whole demeanor is a result of the life experiences that have shaped you completely. the rollercoaster is all you’ve ever known, and all you think you can have. you shrug off everything that is thrown your way as if it’s normal for life to come with so many trials, and that you would be illusioned to think or want otherwise. you think people who crave a simple life are boring or unattached to the world, when in reality deep down you crave the same thing. you might even feel that a life of simplicity is a sign of immaturity in terms of life experiences, and so you are almost proud of the tribulations you have undergone to become the person you are. Taurus wants you to make a life for yourself that warrants stability.

Gemini Descendant: you deny the logic in yourself. with a Sagittarius Ascendant, your whole demeanor is configured from your views of the world. you rely on real world experiences to bring you motivation and emotion. you love the pure idea of possibility and never take things at face value. you wish other people shared your same level of thoughtfulness when taking into account the world around us. you strive to reach beyond what you already know and take it a step further. you don’t like when people are too reasonable to look past the facts and develop a more insightful opinion, and so you start to completely ignore facts as a whole. your view of the big picture limits you from seeing key facts inside the picture. Gemini wants you to zoom in and see all the undeniable details. 

Cancer Descendant: you deny the care in yourself. with a Capricorn Ascendant, your whole demeanor is based on the notion that emotions are optional, and an obstacle. you want to get through life by doing the things you know: working hard and being responsible. you don’t do anything that would damage your reputation as a reserved and professional individual. you are extremely self motivated and love to be in control of your own life, so much to the point you view emotions as something that controls you, and so you hide them from the world and from yourself. letting yourself feel even a small ounce of any mood: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, etc. makes you feel as if they control you and your actions. you look down on people who live in their feelings and embrace them. Cancer wants you to dig into these emotions and just feel them, and understand that they aren’t controlling you, but that they’re a part of you.

Leo Descendant: you deny the ego in yourself. with an Aquarius Ascendant, your whole demeanor is dependent on the idea that in the grand scheme of things, you alone don’t really matter. the world is much much larger than you and you know it with every ounce of your being. you don’t care how people view you because unless you’re a big part of their lives, you think that they’ll just forget you in a matter of time. you are wholeheartedly yourself, because you’re too busy thinking of others to try to pretend to be someone else. you become not only annoyed with people who are too interested in themselves, but also with the society that is interested in them. you strongly feel that no one matters more than another, and that everyone should realize and embrace this. Leo wants you to be interested in yourself and realize that you matter more than you know.

Virgo Descendant: you deny the conflict in yourself. with a Pisces Ascendant, your whole demeanor thrives on your intuitiveness with the world around you. you are a reflection your environment; others will almost always see you how they want to see you. although this can be conflicting because not a lot of people will see you for you truly are, you feel that reality has no boundaries. you thrive on the fantasy of the world and almost enjoy that you can be so permeable. you are annoyed by people who throw harsh realities in your face, and wish that they could see the world as the magical place you do. because of this, you can become too averse to reality and stay up in the clouds forever. you ignore yours and the world’s problems. Virgo wants you to come down to the ground every once in a while and take responsibility.  

Libra Descendant: you deny the sociability in yourself. with an Aries Ascendant, your whole demeanor is based off your relationship with yourself. you feel as though you know yourself well, at least enough to be unapologetically you. you prioritize yourself emotionally, even if it means hurting others. you say what you think and feel and have no remorse for it because you are proud of who you are and your beliefs. people who are too wishy washy or act like a doormat annoy you, and so you make sure you are always on a side, especially your own. you hate the idea of other people having a say or influence on who you are as a person, so you push them away. Libra wants you to open up and accept others while granting them the same patience and grace you grant yourself.

Scorpio Descendant: you deny the complication in yourself. with a Taurus Ascendant, your whole demeanor screams stableness and comfort. you appear to be easy going and even-tempered, and want to keep it that way. people who come off too tempestuous are overdramatic and annoying to you, so you hide all of your turbulent, passionate feelings and trade them in for a nonchalant vibe. you feel that if these feelings were on display and someone saw them, they would judge you or think of you differently/negatively for it. in turn, you become passive and start denying your emotions out of habit even when alone or in “safe” environments. Scorpio wants you to look at the deep passion you feel and embrace it. 

Sagittarius Descendant: you deny the optimism in yourself. with a Gemini Ascendant, your whole demeanor is limited to what you know to be true. you go through life with an undeniable colorful curiousness that pushes you to look through the facts and stick to them. once you’ve learned something, you feel there’s no need to keep digging to find more answers. you take the world at face value and appreciate it as is. people who keep looking deeper and ask all the unrealistic “what if” questions annoy you, so you stick to your facts and evidence. it’s extremely hard for you to stop focusing on the details and get out of your head even for a minute. Sagittarius wants you to zoom out and look at the bigger picture and all of it’s possibilities. 

Capricorn Descendant: you deny the cold in yourself. with a Cancer Ascendant, your whole demeanor comes from your emotions. you feel everything so intensely, and the emotions are very come-and-go but seem everlasting. you wear your heart on your sleeve, and feel that it allows you to connect and care for people more deeply. giving is at the forefront of your nature, especially to the people closest in your life. you open up to these people to show your love and affection. people who come across detached can really upset you, and so while you might be shy, you don’t hide your moods away. you sit and embrace your feelings so much to the point that they control you and your relationships, rather than you handling them. Capricorn wants you to detach yourself from your mood sometimes and develop some discipline.

Aquarius Descendant: you deny the unpredictable in yourself. with a Leo Ascendant, your whole demeanor is focused on you rather than the world around you. you feel that you truly have a place in the world and are determined to find it. you know that no matter how large the world may seem, you alone do matter even if others try to make you think differently. because of this realization, your ego can take over and make you hyper aware of how others view you. feeling like you have the magnifying glass on you at all times can cause you to lose sight of the needs of the world. you become annoyed with people who do not focus on themselves the way that you do, because you feel it is the true path to peace. Aquarius wants you to pay attention to the world around you and learn to love it like you’ve learned to love yourself. 

Pisces Descendant: you deny the imagination in yourself. with a Virgo Ascendant, your whole demeanor is based on reality. you see the world for how it truly is, and don’t want to pretend it’s anything else. you like to look at the world as unchanging and unforgiving, because you feel like focusing on dreams only distracts you from cold realities that always find a way to sneak up on you. you can’t help but see everything that is wrong with the world, and wish people were as concerned as you about fixing it. people who aren’t concerned with their problems annoy you, because you feel like you are the only one who is trying. Pisces wants you to relax and find the beauty in the unknown.

shadow work prompts - these are kind of basic/universal but still help!

what are traits that i don't like about myself? can i/should i fix them?

what are traits that i find annoying in others?

what are traits in others that i wish i had?

what is the worst way someone could describe you?

if you could give up one trait of yourself and replace it with something else what would it be and why?

describe your idea of the highest version of yourself.

does any aspect of your current self align with this vision? if no, what can you change to make it a yes?

what are your core morals or values?

are you afraid of what others think? why? how can you remove this fear?

have you ever offered your authentic self to another and been rejected? how did this make you feel?

what is your biggest struggle with loving yourself?

[annunakitty]

"Some people will use a symbolism of the relationship of God to the universe, wherein God is a brilliant light, only somehow veiled, hiding underneath all these forms as you look around you. So far so good. But the truth is funnier than that. It is that you are looking right at the brilliant light now; that the experience you are having that you call ordinary everyday consciousness—pretending you're not it—that experience is exactly the same thing as 'it.' There's no difference at all. And when you find that out, you laugh yourself silly. That's the great discovery."

~Alan Watts

I think a lot about this quote in relation to the cave allegory; we're doomed to be chained in the cave‚ forced to experience the conceptual rather than the "real." But I motion that the cave is itself still part of the "real" and we ourselves are part of the "real," all made up of the quarks, atoms, molecules, and compounds that for the vast majority of our lives we are forced to experience only in the conceptual; as shadows on the wall. The reason for this is simple, it's what was evolutionarily advantageous; being aware of individual particles and their interactions does little to ensure our survival. And yet, we've developed the senses, through scientific inquiry, to conceptualize them, even if we're incapable of seeing them as they are in our every day life.

What I feel like most people don't realize (and what Watts is suggesting here) is that we are exactly the same as the world around us, and it is exactly the same as us; the perceived separation between us and our environment is an illusion. We are the brilliant light outside the cave.

The part that makes me endlessly sad is just how many people who dismiss this kind of revelation as "hippy dippy nonsense," and what makes it perhaps all the more frustrating is that I can remember what it's like to be content with the shadows on the wall and happily oblivious to their cause—it makes me want to grab them by the lapel and scream at them, "I am you and you are me, and we are it," but I know that's not how it works; you have to want to see the light and I wish I could foster that want in more people.

Annoying still are those who can conceptualize that what they experience is only a silhouette of reality's true visage, but refuse to acknowledge that it means anything special; or worse, believe that this revelation somehow makes us insignificant. We are star stuff that somehow discovered itself, how much more amazing and special could you get!?

Anyway, the best I can do, and I think the most that most of us can strive for, is to foster the curiosity that sparks that want to see the light, to be a guide for those who might be ready to lose their chains, and to be a warm embrace for ourselves as we discover our brilliance.

[froggibus]

In celebration of that shimada brothers 'let's have a baby' how about a shimada brothers + reaper headcannons of how they would be as parents?

How They Are As A Father - Shimadas + Reaper

Genre: headcanons + fluff!

Word Count: 600 (like 200ish each)

CW: mentions of S*jiro, lots of fluff, christmas + halloween tropes, genji is a soccer mom and you can't change my mind

this was such a cute idea and im glad i could bring it to life for you anon! i hope you enjoy <3

————

Hanzo

strives to be better than his father 

very overprotective of you + the baby when your first child is born

calms down over time tho

would do anything for his child

definitely reads them a bedtime story every night (bonus points if he makes it up)

he loves to play outside with them—rain or shine

would teach them self defense 

also would give them the option when they’re older if they want to learn to shoot a bow/use a sword

if they want to do a different activity instead? he still tries to be supportive

films everything

also for some reason i picture him making scrapbooks??

volunteers to be a parent supervisor on all of the field trips

and knows every single one of their teachers

he would definitely go up to the door to trick or treat with them too

and christmas?

you have to stop him from buying the whole toy store

still they end up with way more gifts than originally intended

would make a big deal of Santa coming

like would set up a whole scene after they go to bed—reindeer tracks and everything

also he’s an excellent gift wrapper

would have a distinct wrapping style for himself, Santa etc

10/10 father he loves his kid(s) so much

Genji

also tries to be better than their father

tries to be firm but always caves

definitely the type to accidentally swear/do something he’s not supposed to in front of the kids

“I’ll buy you ice cream if you don’t tell mommy”

they end up getting lots of ice cream

worries sometimes that they’ll be embarrassed that he’s a cyborg so you have to comfort him sometimes

i feel like he would sing them to sleep every night??

is extra about everything

he’s on the PTA and bakes cookies for every event

Halloween? he’s coordinating everyone’s costumes

would definitely use “dad tax” as an excuse to steal some of their candy afterwards tho

also he dresses up as Santa to put gifts under the tree

“babe, the kids have been asleep for hours, you don’t have to wear the costume” “but what if they wake up”

also definitely is a part of the carpool + always talks about ‘that bitch Karen’ 

Reaper

he would be a great father

definitely very sleepy and always takes naps with the kids

is the type to patrol their room if they complain about monsters under the bed

somehow knows exactly what to do too

you’re kind of jealous of it actually

until you see how close he is with them and how cute it is

doesn’t initially want to volunteer for anything at their school/extracurriculars

cannot resist puppy dog eyes though and gets roped into it anyway

the “idk ask your mom” type

plays with the kids for hours 

they will literally be using this man as a jungle gym and he doesn’t even flinch

carries them to bed when they fall asleep in weird places

if some kid was bullying them at school, he would definitely have some strong words for them

“kick them in the shins” “gabriel!”

not a big fan of Halloween but will hold their hands if they get scared

also insists they wear a coat and even when they refuse carries it the whole night for when they inevitable get cold

loves to play in the snow with your kids

absolute snowball fight master 

holds them up so they can decorate the top of the tree

helps them write letters to Santa + gives them letters back covered in white glitter and candy cane stickers

he’s so soft

would move heaven and hell for his kids 

masterlist

[bestfriend491]

Hateful Love

Okoye x Female Reader

Summary: You and Okoye have a different appraoch to love. One that tends to look like hate when being challenged. Few people see the layers under that. Only the two of you personally know how deep the love runs

Word count: 5.9k

Authors Note: Guess who's back? 🤭

Slightly Angsty, with fluff ending

Warnings: Minor Injury

Subtle Love is an unknown realm full of possibilities. A kind of love that is never talked about. Repeatedly misunderstood and misinterpreted as a lack of love. Though it's often the strongest internal builder of most healthy relationships.  

The average life consists of many forms of love. Puppy Love, Toxic Love, Struggle Love and so on. They all come with their own benefits and detriments. Usually sub- sections of the average love story. 

They all build up to become society’s standard of what love should be. 

Good Love. 

The type of love that comes with romantic grand gestures and constant compatibility. The type of love that comes with no problems. 

But Good Love isn’t real. No relationship comes without problems. And in that same breath, not all problems can be fixed with grand actions. 

It’s the subtle things that matter. The soft kisses of reassurance.. The consistency in trust and honesty. The open nature of the communication with the person, or people in which one has chosen to love. 

Subtle Love is filled with subtle things. Ones that only showed their purpose in the later stages, when families have been established, and the foundation to it all has been put down thoroughly enough to securely be able to deal with troubling situations as one unit. 

It’s the type of love that Redeh didn’t grow up with. 

Her parents, like most, strived to achieve the graceful look of Good Love. With great effort, they tried to make sure that everyone thought that they loved each other. More effort being put into the public persona than in the physical relationship itself. 

It took a toll on them both after years of pretending, resulting in a nasty divorce that lacked reasoning but was filled with resentment. 

By her tenth year of existence, Redeh routinely witnessed the two fighting about anything that their senseless heads could think of. It was a situation that no child should have had to be a part of. A type of love that a kid should never have been exposed to in the first place. 

Before the concept of being alive ever came to be fully grasped, Redeh was a mediator. The devil’s advocate that came between her parents. Never getting an explanation as to how it all fell apart. Only seeing joy followed by immediate sorrow.

It was an unending, thankless job that haunted her childhood and often affected her in her newfound adulthood. It was the one thing that Redeh feared most. Losing the spark that lit under a relationship as soon as an inconvenient problem arose. Even when she wasn’t with a single person, she feared that one thing.

Good Love.

Many people were the same. Witnessing the early signs of Good Love in childhood, never learning how to communicate meaningfully. They learned that the synchronisation that came with being in love only stayed existent as long as problems remained non-existent. And when those problems refused to continue hiding themselves, the relationship turned permanently sour. 

There were thick lines that labelled what healthy relationships consisted of. Ones that Redeh took most of her adolescence learning for her own sake. She tried to memorise all the ways that relationships could work. Every scenario where the lines would possibly be crossed and blurred and how to see other healthy relationships in a positive way.

She often struggled. The trauma that being raised by unloving parents always warping her ability to ever believe that Subtle Love could ever exist. 

The only rolemodels that she had were the movies that she watched. The ones that showed the natural, and sometimes ethically questionable love stories where all the hardships came before the couples would even get together. It taught her that that was the only way to get Good Love. Having all the problems appear at the beginning of it all. 

These movies became her solace. Her safe haven. Her expectation for how she would find her love in the coming years. 

They were also her downfall. The sole reason for her struggle in grasping how love truly worked now that she was no longer in the presence of her parents on a daily basis. 

They were an unrealistic expectation wrapped with a fake ribbon. 

For Good Love did not equate to Concrete Love. Revealing itself to be only another sub-section in the perfect love story. 

Subtle Love was what she craved, but because she had yet to discover that that was an option, she knew of only one love that came with conflict before the final storm.

Hateful Love.

Redeh stood in her all but tall form. Staring at the mirror that captured her in her new uniform. Her Dora Milaje uniform. The uniform that was of the utmost importance to her as she wore it. 

After a decade of not having a clue where life would take her, and another one where all she could think of for her future was the life she’d live as a Dora. She was finally going on her first non-group mission with only her and her successors. 

The news having come only days before; she’d crossed her fingers and hoped that she’d be the one chosen. When her name was called, excitement washed over her and she became fully ready to observe the two best Doras in action. She was  even ready to offer help wherever she could, no matter how nerve wracking it became.

Though nervous, due to not having her fellow new Doras there to help cover her mistakes if needed, she knew that she was right where she needed to be. So she walked. Out of her home and straight to the official Wakandan Hangar by the palace, where unsurprisingly she was the second person there. 

Second to General Okoye. 

“Redeh.” the General spoke, offering her greetings as she looked down at her beads, analysing something on its screen. 

“General Okoye.” she returned, failing to hide her excitement. 

Okoye cracked a smile as she saw her, remembering the first time that she was hand picked from her group to join the more experienced Doras in combat. 

She briefly told the girl what would be expected of her for the day. A threat in some unoccupied land between Wakanda and a neighbouring nation, being the main issue. The queen had offered to investigate in representation of both nations, with a small group of Wakanda's fighters. 

“We’re not fully sure what we're getting ourselves into so make sure that you stay fully aware of your surroundings out there. We won't be able to make sure that you're safe the entire time.”

“Of course. General.” she quickly said, the realisation of how real the situation was having fully set in for her. 

The General nodded, content with her answer. They continued briefly going through everything, up until Ayo showed up, just as serious as Okoye, and ready for what was coming. 

Seeing her 2 biggest inspirations looking at her with full faith and trust put a drive in her that nothing else could. They knew that she had something in her. Surprising Redeh everytime they looked at her. No one else ever had that look. Not even her own self. 

Looking around and walking towards a quinjet like she was ready to go, Okoye was stopped by Ayo, who looked utterly perturbed.

“General wait! Where’s Y/n?” she asked her. 

Redeh stood between the two, having never been aware of you coming with them. Apparently the other two had left that out of her briefing. 

Her heart raced now. You, being one of Wakanda’s best armourers, almost never physically went on missions with the Dora, only supplying them with their best weapons. 

All occasions where you were physically there were well-known missions where you and the General, an extremely powerful couple, worked together to beat the worst of people. What you two had, it was the true definition of Good Love. something she aspired to achieve.  

She watched the other two Adored Ones look at each other, Okoye struggling to make a definite statement about where you were, though she must have been with you earlier. 

Then she started, "She's actually not- " 

“-I'm here!" your voice came from a distance, as you happily made your way to them.

Redeh smiled as you crossed your arms in salute to her before happily looking at the others. 

She looked at the General’s face, hoping to see the look of utter bliss that often consumed the faces of the people who were with the ones that they loved in real life. Or at least, in the movies...

To her dismay, there was none of that. Instead came a harsh, “You're late.” from Okoye. One of almost disbelief. 

You quickly dismissed her. 

“Oh what will the world do now? Y/n was five minutes late.” You said calmly, gaining an intense eye roll from Okoye. 

The other three went on into the quinjet, leaving Redeh a bit thrown aback. That had never been in the movies. It was always a peaceful, almost surreal reunification. Not one filled with mixed emotions. And although she knew that her mission wasn’t to analyse this new rule to love, she was enthralled by it. It was so much like her parents, but also not at all like it too. It was a moment that she wanted context for, because there had to have been a before. 

By the calling of her name, she realised that she had gotten distracted, and everyone else had gone into one of the jets, and were patiently waiting for her to do the same. 

With the jet's engine's still off  for the meantime, the 4 sat on one side of its double seated benches, looking at the briefing that had been sent to all of them via Okoye. 

The tense moment picking up where it left off, you spoke about what you’d brought with you to assist in the missions. 

“I don't get how this decision was made. Taking you on a mission.” Okoye whispered, barely letting it out of her lips. It was your turn to roll your eyes, though it was more of a half-roll. 

“You said it yourself. We don’t know what we might encounter. Queen Ramonda thought it would be better to bring me if it’s more than we think it is. Now can you just read the briefing?”

Mouth hanging open, Redeh tried to keep her eyes on her screen, too confused to even attempt mediation. 

‘Something’s wrong.’ she thought, knowing how kind you both were to others. She reminded herself of all the good memories she had with you both. The two of you were far from toxic. But thinking of it, the two of you, although having a very public relationship, never talked about the true ins and outs of it. 

It was easy to forget that you were together if she didn’t constantly remind herself of the fact. Or maybe you just weren’t. 

Either way, there was tension. And it was especially evident when you made your next suggestion. 

“I’ll be in one of my aircrafts, watching out from above. If I see anything I’ll go down to help.” you said. A completely reasonable suggestion. 

"That sounds good." Redeh said, trying to show that she was actively participating. Still, she looked around for Ayo’s approval, just to make sure that she wasn’t completely off the mark. 

Ayo gave her a slight nod, not fully dedicated to the idea. Redeh raised her brows, unsure as to how this was a bad idea. That was until she saw Okoye’s face. 

"No." the General said bluntly. 

You were the only one shocked by this. "No? What do you mean no?" 

"You're not gonna be up there by yourself." 

This was a fight. Redeh knew it, and despite her better judgement telling her not to, she couldn’t stop from at least asking. 

"Are the two of you okay?" This did not defuse the situation at all, but Redeh could tell that she wasn’t fully aware of everything going on. 

"It’s my machine! You should feel honoured that I'm willing to use it."

"I feel sick, actually." 

The sound of a gasp was all that came from the otherwise silent space. Redeh covered her mouth when she realised that she was the owner of said gasp. 

Ayo stood up, making her way to the front of the jet, where she prepared to start flying. In total embarrassment, the young adult that still had her hand over her mouth followed her, sitting in a co-pilot spot, even though she knew that she wasn’t going to be helping in the flight department , her skills in the sky being her only struggle in training. 

She turned to look behind her large chair, catching a glimpse of the couple she’d left still sitting together. 

Something was said, or at least she thought it was, because Okoye swatted your hand away when you tried to hold her hand. You looked beyond hurt at that. 

The overwhelming resemblance of her parents made her turn away, directing her gaze to the pilot now. This couldn’t be the love that she constantly heard that the two had. Where were those grand gestures she knew of?

"Are they still together?" she asked, being sure that the two of you could very well have broken up. That would explain a lot. 

"Yes." Ayo said bluntly, confusion laced in her eyebrows. 

"Are they always like this or is there some big fight that I'm not aware of?" Redeh went on to ask. 

"They're usually like this." 

That answer was baffling to her. 

"But they don't hate each other."

"Bast, no. They love each other.” 

Redeh, crossed her arms, reluctant to believe those words. She was no expert but that kind of love was far from familiar to her. Not in a good context anyway. That was the ‘love’ of exes if she knew anything about it. It was Hateful Love. 

Ayo noticed the young woman struggling to understand what was truly going on, and not wanting to scare her off, didn’t tell the full truth about the small change in demeanour that you and Okoye had only moments before.

“Look. Different people show their love publicly in different ways. They’re not like that when they’re alone. Trust me. The love that they like to keep more secret is less tense.”

Turning again, she saw you closer to Okoye, reading from her screen. 

“Be quiet. Your breathing is distracting me.” the General said to you. 

“Oh, okay, yeah, I’ll just stop breathing.”

“Thank you, that’ll be very helpful.”

For a split second they looked at Redeh and she quickly turned back for the last time. 

"If you say so." she said to Ayo. 

In the 2 hours that passed coming through to the height of the mission, Redeh couldn't help but be doubtful of the validity of your relationship. Even though she knew that it was none of her concern. 

From the beginning there was constant bickering between the two of you. 

You were able to get your way in regards to your aircraft. Something that even hours later, Okoye was seemingly upset about. 

While you were in the sky, Okoye constantly said things through her earpiece that made it clear where she stood on the issue. 

When you realised that the issue that was taking place on the land was a rebellion group that was causing complete destruction, you activated the weaponry that you’d given the other 3 to help them defend themselves beyond their spears. Another thing that Okoye wasn’t too fond of. 

Though they helped, you felt like there was no other choice than to go down there yourself. You had more experience with more helpful weapons and you thought you could help more on the ground now that you knew what you were working with. 

“I'm coming down!” you said, already lowering the aircraft while you unbuckled and prepared to jump down when you were close enough. 

“No!” Okoye yelled instantaneously. 

“I have to!” 

“Y/n! Now is not the time to be trying to prove something. Stay on the plane!” Okoye yelled, as she struggled to take down the clutter of rebels on the left. Redeh and Ayo stayed silent fighting for their lives on opposite sides. 

Not even a minute later, your jet was nearly on the ground and you were practically flying out of it.

Surprisingly, you landed on your feet. The noise of it bringing the attention to you. 

Half a dozen rebels ran towards you, ready to attack. 

Just like before, you didn’t hesitate to get to work. You tried to go for them all at once ,your impressive weapon skills prompting more to want to approach you, their interest being in the ultra-powerful hydrogen blaster that worked effortlessly with the use of vibranium. 

It all went downhill as 2 more dozen rebels approached you, and you were being surrounded.

"You've got to be kidding me." Okoye said, running headfirst into the madness with Ayo and Redeh close behind.. 

The battle was a blur for the latter. The only thing resonating with her being the glares that Okoye shot at you whenever she got a split second to. 

At some point the rebels had stopped gathering around you, as they all laid on the ground, severely injured. 

Your  job was soon done, with minimal casualties. 

When Ayo went up to Redeh, and told her “well done.” She couldn't even remember what she had contributed to the event, only remembering a few significant fights with a handful of rebels. 

Regardless of memory, she was glad that she's done well in Ayo’s eyes. Her first day was more than a success

Walking back to the quinjet, her mind still worked, feeling unfulfilled in her analysis of you and Okoye. She’d easily gone to protect you when you were surrounded, though you’d constantly done things that seemingly annoyed her the entire day. And when she was done, the tension rang just as strong as at the beginning of the day. 

“I think it’s broken.” your voice rang in her head, causing her to turn her head to look at you and Okoye walking a few steps behind them. 

“Of course it is.” Okoye responded. 

She turned back again, looking at Ayo with a face that was still concerned.

All Ayo did was smile. Smile like she knew something that nobody else did. 

And she did. She knew that the entire day's events were all symbols of love. Subtle Love. 

Subtle love is a form of love that is never talked about. The feelings that surround it often fully authentic. Not artificially created for the approval of others. 

Just like a lot of hate, it often lives unconfronted. Whether known or not, it stays under the wraps, softly undisturbed. 

It’s the kind of love that is open to all. Fully welcoming and accommodating. The kind that holds a safe space where full transparency and vulnerability can be openly expressed without the fear of judgement. 

It’s the major things expressed in small ways. The “love” proclamations. The physical and emotional holding of one’s partner. The tears of confession. The late night conversations. All happening in a single moment that only those present get to and want to share. 

It is the kind of love that outsiders often can never decipher, but it is one of the closest forms of Concrete Love.

It’s not the kind of love that Okoye or you grew up in. The paths leading up to your relationship having many different examples of love and the dynamics that came with it. There was good and bad with all of them, as they showed you what you wanted and needed and also what you wanted to be kept far away from you. 

Subtle love only came into the picture when the two of you collided, When the two of you realised that the only people you wanted were each other and when you realised that that meant dealing with every hurdle that you faced individually, together. 

It came into the picture when you realised that Okoye had many things to say to you about how she felt, but struggled to get it out in the presence of others or with great gifts that were

-other than materialy- quite useless . 

It came into the picture when Okoye realised that around others you were open and friendly but often put their feelings above your own and you needed help stopping yourself before it went too far. 

It helped the two of you navigate through the first 2 years of being together and after the two of you became a known couple, it only became needed more. 

The fun part about it was that there was no pressure to constantly implement it, but the comfort of having it made your relationship feel much more in sync. 

Almost completely unspoken words were quickly decoded when you were in public, and both of you slowly stopped hesitating to ask for help or  space, knowing that with that you could fully let go of the expectations that people brought with them for your relationship because of the love you had.  

It made it easy to have completely different conversations behind closed doors, while also quietly continuing those words as the day went on without people being easily able to know exactly what was being said and what was meant. 

This love carried weight in its natural existence, but it also made every moment meaningful. 

Meaningful enough to be able to bicker in public without heavy words accidently being thrown out where all eyes could see. 

It was the perfect grounds to safe communication, and to getting the best out of a relationship.

Subtle Love often got mistaken for Hateful Love. But it was always quite the contrary. 

Hours before the mission. 

Heavy weighted material closed off the access to cool air to your body as you awoke from  soft noise. 

You felt instant warmth from this material, like the atmosphere was giving you a soft hug. Attempting to lull you back to sleep.

Feeling hands gently placing themselves around you, you opened your eyes.

Irises of warm brown stared back at you, more aware that you were awake than aware that you were staring back at them. They brought a welcoming hello with them. A silent serenade. 

They were owned by the same body that possessed the arms that wrapped around you.

Okoye. 

“Morning, my love.” came the words from the lips that you’d unconsciously been staring at. 

No words came out of yours. Your mind still fully absorbing her presence, and the gift that it was. 

She’d placed a previously fallen blanket on you; you’d come to realise. Tucking you in before she left to tend to her General duties. 

You gently lifted your arms out of the tight hold that she’s put them in. 

Feeling warm enough knowing that she was there with you, you proceeded to move the rest of your body out of the blanket's grip, eventually lifting your body up to sit. 

Stable in your position, you pulled her towards you. Your eyes and hers met and locked, refusing to let go of each other. All you could do was smile, the peace that you felt bringing joy with it every time. 

Aeons passed before another word was spoken. 

“You have to go?” you asked, though you knew the answer already. 

“Mhm,” Okoye responded, bringing you into an embrace now that you were fully aware of what was happening. 

“You smell good.” 

She laughed, turning to kiss your forehead, before looking at you directly again. 

“I’ll be gone for a while. You should sleep in. You looked really tired yesterday.” she said.

You gazed at her in question. “I should sleep in?” 

She nodded, clearly oblivious to the information that  both you knew and her clearly knew too. 

“Okoye…” you started, making sure that she didn’t try to avoid your gaze at you. She looked at you, guilt written all over her face. 

“Yes.”

“Are you trying to make me late?” 

“Ini (What?)!” she lied through her lips but the rest of her face gave her away. 

“Ujaxoka (You’re lying.)" you said through a grin, more of a funny statement than an accusation.

She performed her best fake gasp, “Njani ( How?)” 

You laughed, in complete disbelief that her act was still continuing. She joined in, knowing that she’d been caught but happy to entertain you. 

“I already got the call from Queen Ramonda, Okoye.” you said, shifting over to allow her room to lay with you in bed. 

She opted to lay on your legs, her face looking directly up at you while you played with her hands.

A heavy sigh left her system and the mini suns that you knew as her eyes grew darker than usual. 

“Why don’t you want me to go?” you asked. Now avoiding direct eye contact because that would make it harder for her to want to tell you. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“My entire job consists of working with weapons. I’m always in danger of getting hurt.” you tried to reason. 

“I know,” she sighed, lacing your hand into hers properly before kissing it, “But it’s different when you’re just making weapons by yourself. I don’t want you fighting and getting hurt.”

Then she added, “You get reckless sometimes.”

“I’ll be safer this time.” 

“You won’t” 

“I will!” 

“You won’t, Y/n. You say you will every time but when we get there you’ll lose yourself in the battle and forget that you ever said that.” 

You stayed quiet, knowing that she was right. You did have a bad track record of putting yourself in situations that were dangerous despite promising not to. 

Still in your train of thought, Okoye began to get up. 

“I’ll tell everyone that you’re sick and then you'll be able to sleep in.” 

She looked at you with pleading eyes. Your lack of response leaving a big question in the room. 

She couldn’t wait for an answer, but gave you a kiss on the lips, promising not to be too upset if you chose to go after her. 

“Okay,” you said into the open, unaware that she had heard you.

Waiting a while before getting ready, you debated whether you should've texted her saying that you were coming, but eventually settled on just showing up and dealing with the consequences later. 

When you arrived with a smile wrapped around your face, you saw her grow tense. 

“You’re late.” she said bluntly. Not wanting to confront the matter in front of Ayo, and especially not in front of the new Dora that was to accompany the three of you. 

You went for a childish dig, claiming that five minutes wasn’t much in any case.

Though she looked mad, you still saw the hurt that shone through her eyes. Not tears, but a defeated lowering of her gaze telling you all that you needed to know. 

Her words came off more harsh than your usual banter did, and you knew that a line was crossed. 

“I’m sorry.” you mouthed to her, pleading for her to accept it or at least take it in. You really were, but you also wanted to keep her safe. And with the direct request of attendance coming from the queen herself, it was only right for you to show up and do your job.

Okoye knew this. She wasn’t new to what your job entailed, but she sure wished you could be kept away from all the possible danger. She gave you a side nod, acknowledging your words but showing that she was still a bit unsettled and maybe even upset by the dishonesty. 

As you went onto the jet, and the young woman that was to join you stayed staring into the open, you figured she was going through her own thing. 

Next came the whisper. “I don't get how this decision was made. Taking you on a mission.” she breathed out. 

She was in panic mode and there was nothing you could do to stop it. It was directed towards herself more than at you but you felt the need to try to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. 

“Sthandwa sam.” you whispered more effectively than she had. 

“You said it yourself. We don’t know what we might encounter. Queen Ramonda thought it would be better to bring me if it’s more than we think it is. Now can you just read the briefing?” The last part was your plea to her. One that would hopefully get you somewhere in the long day. Or at least off the ground. 

She continued at your request, a worried expression escaping her every time she saw your name written with an instruction to do anything at all. 

Seeing this worry, you knew it was a bad idea to suggest flying alone. 

“No.” she said. 

“What do you mean no?” you knew exactly what she meant. You’d made a promise, and breaking that a couple hours after its creation wouldn’t make her feel like she could trust you with things like that. 

When Redeh asked if the two of you were okay, you admittedly let your tongue slip. 

"It’s my machine! You should feel honoured that I'm willing to use it."

"I feel sick, actually." 

A gasp was let out and the two dora that sat next to you left for the front of the jet, leaving you to talk. 

“Okoye, I-” you started. 

You went for her hand, and she was quick to swat it away, a reflex. Immediately she linked legs with you -a way for her to show that she wanted you to stay close. and tried to get herself to calm down. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just worried.”

“I know. I’m sorry for lying about not coming.”

“I‘ll be safe, I promise.” you finished. 

“And I’ll be there when you change your mind.” you both laughed at this, knowing that that was the more realistic plan. 

The rest of the trip to your destination was just filled with banter.

“Be quiet. Your breathing is distracting me.” she said, causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Oh, okay, yeah, I’ll just stop breathing.” 

“Thank you, that’ll be very helpful.”

Your gaze went back to Redeh’s seat where she watched the encounter in dismay. 

Locking eyes with Okoye, you both couldn’t help but start chuckling at the clear misunderstanding. 

“She’s gonna think we hate each other.” Okoye said, finally taking your hand now that things were back to normal. 

“Most people already think that. I’m sure a lot of them think we called it quits a while ago.” 

She agreed, realising that besides Ayo, most people refrained from mentioning you to Okoye or her to you. Assuming that the two of you were no longer an item. 

You never confronted them on their assumptions, enjoying the fewer questions that came in about your relationship. 

When you saw the rebels approaching from all ends of the land, you had to think quickly. 

Your banter with Okoye stopped and you became serious, noting that you didn’t have many options to choose from. If you shot from above they’d target your plane and wreck it, putting you at risk of crashing. 

You had to help from the ground, much to Okoye’s displeasure. 

“I’m gonna jump down there!” you said through your earpiece 

“What! No!” your love spoke almost the second you finished saying it. 

“I have to!”

“No, you don’t!” 

“Okay fine. I want to do it.“ 

“Y/n stay in the-” before she could finish, you were on the ground and attracting the rebels attention. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” you heard as you became trapped in a circle of rebels ready to fight you. 

In true Y/n fashion, you charged for them all, the cause and effect being a sharp fall and a nearly irreversible demise. 

Okoye was by your side alongside the others, and although the “I told you not to jump.” was on the tip of her tongue, she refrained. Her instinctive need to protect you coming before her need to be right. 

When it was all over, you made your way to her. 

Slowly, you walked to the jet with her nudging; her shoulder with your own once you caught up to her. 

"See. Told you I would be safe." 

"I can see you limping." she looked down at your left foot, where she could clearly see you trying not to put weight on it. 

You relented, getting rid of your act and limping more consistently. The pain was excruciating. 

“I think it’s broken.” 

Okoye stopped dead in her tracks. "Of course it is." 

Inspecting your face for any indication that you were overreacting. When she couldn't find any, she was quick to lift you up bridal style, not wanting any pressure being placed on the offending ankle. 

You watched her walking with you, smiling up at her. 

“You look rather pleased with yourself.”

"I am." you continued to smile.

When Redeh looked back to see you being carried by Okoye, with a bright smile on your face, she felt a sigh of relief. Not at your injury, but at how content the both of you looked in your moment of chaos. 

You weren’t like her parents after all. Or like any couple she’s ever seen. After seeing you at your worst (though she knew far worse had most-likely happened before), she’d expected one of you to stop trying, or stay angry forever. She didn’t expect to see organised disruption.

Even as you flew back to the city, and Okoye determined that you had indeed broken a part of your ankle. It was calm. There was synchronisation even when there were problems. 

You threw in your jokes here and there, “Who could have predicted that?” Okoye rolling her eyes at you. 

It was reassuring, seeing how subtle the obvious love could be. How well it worked for the two of you. How almost therapeutic it was. 

Her ideas of love always came in pictures of no complication at all, but seeing the smiles plastered on your faces made her feel just as excited as any grand gesture she’d ever seen would have.. 

Looking at Ayo she smiled for the first real time that entire day. “They’re good for each other.” 

Her successor looked at her fondly. “They are.”

And on the other side of the Quinjet, where you laid with your foot supported upright for the trip back, you gazed up at your favourite 2 things again. 

Your suns. Warm and full of life. Staring down at you. They made your pain go away -even if only theoretically-.

They told you everything you needed to know about their owner. They exposed every soft spot that she had for you. They were your symbol of subtlety. 

“I love you.” you said to the woman who held you. 

“I love you more.” she planted a peck on your forehead, before laying her head against the back of her seat, closing those eyes for a while. 

[thefearandwonder]

Truth

An old friend of mine has retreated into social isolation, which I could have taken personally. But we've been through a lot together in our lives and I refuse to take anything he does personally. Have to give grace if you want to get it.

He said he wants to get away from the self so influenced by other people and find his center. I think that's a great idea. I'd like to do it myself, but it's a scary thought; even when I'm alone, I'm not truly alone. I reach out to people, I meet new people in virtual spaces, I write stories with others, and always look for social stimulation.

How much of me is 'me'? But, is 'me' something worth defining?

Because for a long time, I've seen myself as a hollow shell battered around by the world, filled up with its energies, emptied, charged up, wrung out, and again and again. I don't like to see myself, because myself is a dragon, a towering egomaniac, a striving and suffering lunatic who hurts herself with the intensity of her ambitions.

The only thing chasing ambition has ever gotten me is pain; I slam into walls and doors, and the faster I'm running, the harder the impact. The smarter I'm being, the further into trouble I get.

My forays into the jungle of American civilization are never productive. They start out hopeful, then end in mutual misery.

You know, I was driving through San Francisco at night last week. I saw billboards advertising not just AI, but digital solutions for AI-generated-image-detection services. Anti-AI. In a sea of lights and concrete, I saw a targeted advertisement as I sat in rush-hour traffic, telling me that I could literally 'find truth' with a product.

And earlier that day, I'd been walking through Yosemite, where the ravens flew by the dozens like bands of kings, with their hooked beaks and proud eyes, their manes of spiky feathers on their chest -- they looked at me and I looked at them. We saw each other, and there was truth there.

And the people who call themselves 'realists' will tell me of the meaninglessness of that experience, that the creature is somehow beneath me, and my deranged mind is deriving meaning from nothing.

Or, if my interpretation of the raven's symbol pleases their vanity, they will feed me scraps and lift me up like a treasured Bug a la some Jack London-esque short story and make me their favorite poet-propagandist. I'll be their truth maker.

And I woke up this morning with the insulin catheter in my abdomen ripped free, something that's never happened before. It was 4 AM. I replaced it without making too much noise and went to write a poem about wanting to sleep that made me cry -- a poem I wish I could share here, but it's going into a collection I intend to publish and therefore in order to sell the rights to print it exclusively it cannot appear in other media.

Well, after writing that poem, and crying, I went back to bed and held my wife. We slept in each other's arms and that's the truth.

Then we were woken up by a call from an unemployment benefits adjudicator who asked very pointed questions about why I left my previous job, opened up old wounds around confusion, anxiety, discrimination, being targeted by malicious parents, and feeling unprotected by admin or HR.

I told my story (again). I told the truth. They, who agreed not to 'contest' unemployment benefits (I suppose that means not filing an appeal for the approval decision) will also tell their truth. But they did not tell me the whole truth when I made the agreement to resign in grace rather than work somewhere I was made to feel so unwelcome. They kept many truths to themselves.

So what is the truth. The truth is that more and more I feel like a gasping animal caught in a net of buzzing light that Just

Won't

Stop

My truth, the thing I know inside me so true and deep, is that when I die, I will hear the sound of wind in trees. It will get louder and louder, until it overtakes me. It will transport me. It is the holiest sound I know. It sounds like the sea. It sounds like the hushings of a loving Universe.

It sounds like the Moon waking me with her light, to kiss me on the brow, and guide me back to sleep, to let me know I am safe and small. Truth.

[irkendogma]

tak is the main antagonist for this crossover fic im writing and due to the lack of canon content beyond literally that one episode and some of etf, sometimes i worry im not doing her any justice or it’s too ooc. what do you think would be the best way to write tak in your opinion? (if you happen to have any advice on the matter. just wondering! byeeee💃)

i'm genuinely so relieved at the specification of "in your opinion" because i have such a strange long-lasting attachment to tak that i think i would second-guess my thoughts on her in an objective vacuum to the point of just saying "she should be purple". but as it is i now have the freedom to go stupid crazy about it

i think there's a number of crucial elements to tak, but i think the one that people miss most in writing her is that she isn't just meant to be a more competent counterpart to zim - she's a direct parallel in terms of her ego, motivation, and backstory (the latter particularly as a result of treatment by irken society)

like zim, tak has an enormous ego and an audacity that places herself above anyone else, even the empire itself (see: her custom invader insignia. that's like drawing a crucifix but substituting yourself for jesus after being refused by the church), and like zim, in spite of her disregard for the empire's rulings she's striving for recognition both by it and within it (to quote her: "the plan i have in store for this nasty rock will so impress the tallest that they'll have no choice but to make me an invader"). the same way zim "quit being banished", tak "escaped" from the janitorial squad she was placed under as a stopgap job until the next elite test in seventy years

i've seen some people write her as tall, but in my opinion her being only very, very slightly taller than zim is not just a stylistic choice but an essential part of her character that draws her backstory together: technically that janitorial job wasn't even a punishment, it was just deemed the most suitable position for her in the absence of official imperial proof that she was capable of anything "better" or "higher" that would've been afforded to a taller more easily

that she made it so far in the elite course at all in spite of her height gives context and precedent to the competence and sheer refusal to admit defeat she exhibits in her attempt to destroy earth, a planet she initially believes is already undergoing an officially-sanctioned invasion judging from how bitterly she tells zim about what should've been "rightfully hers", down to specifically mentioning the great assigning - loops back to her audacity, in that she has zimlike degrees of ego regardless of how hard the circumstances logistically are aligned to stomp her back down (see again her quote where she confidently states her plan to hijack an official invasion will impress the tallest to the point they won't mind her flagrantly flaunting the rules). she would've spent so much of her life striving to meet her own exceedingly high expectations, not the exceedingly low ones assumed of someone her height, that this likely isn't far from her standard procedure of "show them i can do it better than the rules say"

what sets her apart from zim, i think, is in how much she's allowed herself to let those miserable expectations get to her and leave her pettier, more vindictive, less grandstanding speeches like zim than showing off everything she's capable of as often as possible, no matter how necessary (ALL the stupid parkour she does for no reason) - which i think is admittedly less her fault than partially being the result of her having actually experienced her confidence failing her when the entire future she'd set up for herself was pulled out from underneath her

unlike zim, who experiences failure regularly but never has it truly sink in, tak had the entirety of her progress wiped off the board in a single moment as a result of circumstances entirely beyond her control: i think a large part of the reason she resents zim so deeply and sincerely isn't solely because of the practical consequences of her missing her test (though it is in no way insignificant to it) but because he was the one who broke her streak - he was the one who made her brutally aware that no matter how she built herself up, no matter what proof she offered, she could still fail and be crushed into exactly the nobody she was expected to be

and she just cannot abide that, no matter what, because even if the memory of helplessness and humiliation will never go away (not that she'd acknowledge it wouldn't), if she can make him hurt the same way maybe that will give back to her some of the power and control over her life and her identity that she lost in losing her potential status as a real, sanctioned invader

also, i do think she should be purple. she seems to have a great attachment to aesthetics and individual style, given her custom pseudo-elite uniform (which we see her wearing even in training, on her test day), the fact she designed and programmed her hologram specifically to have the distinguishing marking of a beauty spot in the same place she has one on her actual face, and her penchant for making nearly every damn piece of her tech purple some way (minus mimi, who while being her own bootleg SIR unit still follows the same red color scheme as a functional one) - even the cockpit of the spittle runner she pilots is initially purple before it's ejected as an escape pod, and the magma pump's interior looks like this:

girl likes giving things her own little touches whether that's in terms of her trademark color, her near-blasphemous custom imperial logo, or her doing a tactical slide between bars of a railing instead of just stepping normally onto the floor

[why-bless-your-heart]

Barbie movie, my opinion:

The good!

The set, prop, and costume designs were good enough to eat. If ‘live action remakes’ of animated films looked as good, I’d be lining up to watch each one. Also great choreography.

Gags that actually made everyone in the theater laugh, including Michael Cera being hapless and like 18 fully-suited executives all pedaling past on the same tandem bike. A+ for visual comedy.

In the ‘Real World,’ Barbie sits and looks at a couple having an argument, two people laughing at a conversation, somebody alone and visibly upset, the sun shining through the leaves of a tree, and it’s a very genuine little moment of yearning for something more. It’s nice to see in a movie that has a very materialistic worldview.

At the very end we’re shown that she’s really real now because she has a gynecologist appointment. Closing on a statement that all you actually need to be a real woman is to be a member of the female sex was… actually refreshing.

The bad:

At the end the Ruth Handler character says “Mothers stand still so that their daughters can see how far they’ve come,” and ???? I’m assuming it wasn’t meant as a slap in the face to moms everywhere who keep on working and striving and improving even after giving birth, but that’s what it sounds like?

It’s definitely a very materialistic movie even though it tries to shoehorn in a ‘people die, ideas don’t’ at the end. There’s no concept of there being anything better than self-empowerment, political power, or anything that isn’t temporal. I mean what do you expect from the Toy(tm) movie, but it was very empty and kind of depressing as a result.

Related to the above, the battle of the sexes storyline just. Wasn’t it. The only good ending to a battle of the sexes is a wedding, and this one was ended by the Barbies using the Kens’ nobler instincts against them. Oh, and Barbie broke up with Ken. Because love isn’t empowering.

The working-mom character snaps all of the Barbies out of it by giving a speech (like. actual speech.) about how all of the expectations and demands of women are self-contradictory and the standards are impossible to the point that not even a plastic doll passes muster, but the. movie itself. has the same problem? It can’t decide whether sitting and drinking a cup of tea is an image of oppression or a moment of feminine connection. The Barbieworld needs to be put back to the way it was but also changes need to be made but also if you change it everything will be horrible forever. Barbie is good because she says you can do anything but also she should really say that you don’t have to do anything. It just refuses to commit to an actual moral statement.

Anyway, my sister got a kick out of it, we had a nice afternoon out, and I don’t regret the $9. Wouldn’t see it again, though.

[hebuiltfive]

Thundertober Day Seven: Alive

Please, please check the warnings for this one.

I've tried to cover enough to be on the safe side but it does delve into some darker thoughts, so please be mindful of that. I hadn't planned on this getting quite so... depressing. It was supposed to have an uplifting end. Fair warning: it doesn't.

AO3 here

Days: One ~ Two ~ Three ~ Four ~ Five ~ Six

Warnings for: Suicidal Thoughts; Depression; Major Character Injury. This is set post-Hydrofoil. Gordon is having to come to terms with the cost of surviving an accident that should have left him dead. Tagging: @thunder-tober @skymaiden32 @idontknowreallywhy (just going to put it out there that if you want to be tagged in any future Thundertober pieces, or future pieces in general, let me know and I'll tag you too!)

What was the point of being alive if it meant you could no longer live?

The mirror was his enemy. He refused to even take a glance because who exactly would be staring back at him? What had he become? Life or death and he had chosen to live because he was strong and his human survival instincts had kicked in, but what was the cost?

His legs were currently immobile, his arms cocooned in casts. Most of his body was either bandaged or strapped up in some way, metal rods and plating fixed inside him as though he were a bionic man. There was probably some sort of joke in there somewhere, but Gordon failed to see the funny side. He failed to make a joke about anything as of late, and for good reason.

He had survived, but now he was facing a life of… this. 

Apparently, there was still a chance he might have been able to return to his old life, but the odds were against him. According to some of the doctors, there was a slim possibility of Gordon being able to walk again. It was a tiny glimmer of hope, but he chose to not think of it. To think of it, to hope for it, only for it to likely be ripped away from him all over again? He’d rather remain solemn and bed-ridden without the dream, thanks.

Because that’s all it was now. 

A dream of a past life and a possible future that was no longer within his grasp.

Whenever his brothers came by to visit, usually once a day, they’d reassure him, or try to, but none of them had ever been good liars, at least not to Gordon’s face. He could tell instantly when Scott blinked excessively and barely offered him a simple glance in his direction; when Virgil took great interest in the way his booted feet twisted and moved across the shaggy carpeted rug beside his hospital bed; when John’s fingers would not stop fidgeting with the zipper on his hoodie and would give only an uncharacteristic shrug as an answer whenever Gordon asked him a question.

Late at night, when the wing had fallen asleep and the only sounds that filled the area was the soft humming of machines and the padded feet of nurses doing their routinely hourly checks, Gordon would allow his mind to wander away on whims and what-ifs. 

What if he’d never joined that stupid test programme?

What if he had instead followed his dreams?

What if he had never got in that damned accident and still had a body that worked?

Never again would he be able to join his family on their hikes through the canyons near home. Never again would he be able to swim laps through the foaming waves on the West Coast. He had once considered taking up surfing more seriously, to add to his list of water hobbies, but now Gordon knew he’d never have the chance.

Wrapped up in cotton strips and constantly having to warn airport security of the additions to his body… This wasn’t living. At times he even question whether striving had been worth it.

Gordon eventually found the strength to confide in Virgil those thoughts which constantly ate away at him. His empathetic nature made Gordon feel like he would be the only brother who could understand, and who wouldn’t bat away his concerns with a simple don’t even think like that, you’re going to be fine, even with the odds stacked against him.

“What will make the surviving worth it, then?” Virgil had asked him, cradling a plastic cup that had once held the contents of a coffee vending machine. He’d slowly sipped his way through the warm, comforting drink as Gordon had bared his soul.

To his credit, Gordon hadn’t allowed a single tear to stain his cheeks. In his eyes, that was a win. He managed to open up to his brother without breaking down. It wasn’t that he thought Virgil wouldn’t have been able to take Gordon’s meltdown. He just didn’t want his brother having to witness it.

“I don’t know.” He replied honestly after a moment of quick, silent reflection. “I don’t think anything will.”

He couldn’t look Virgil in the eyes because he knew how it sounded. As a family, they never gave up. After everything they’d been through, they always found a way to continue fighting through the dark until the light appeared at the end of the tunnel again, but this time, Gordon felt exhausted. To him, the tunnel had caved in and there was no escape from the endless gloom.

“Walking again.” Virgil answered for him. “That would make it worth it. Running again. Standing again. Swimming again.”

The word made Gordon tense. It also made him lock eyes with his brother. For the first time in that conversation, there was a glossy sheen to those orbs as tears threatened to fall regardless of what Gordon wanted. “Don’t.” He warned carefully. “Don’t use that as a—”

“Gordon, the chances aren’t zero.”

And there it was. So much for believing Virgil wouldn’t try and reassure him with those ridiculous odds again.

“They’re as good as, Virg!” Gordon hadn’t meant to raise his voice. He knew his brother was only trying to help in the best way he could, but the pain was still raw and Gordon didn’t want to think about possibilities. “Don’t give me hope only to take it away again.”

“I’m giving you facts.”

“The fact is,” Gordon shuffled himself a little higher in his bed, ignoring the protest from his lower spine, “that no-one knows what the fuck is going to happen because I shouldn’t even be here! I should have died in that wreck, but for some unknown, Godforsaken reason, I’m still here and I wish I wasn’t!”

Gordon had never once regretted speaking to any of his brothers. He’d never once regretted choosing to open up to them, least of all Virgil, but as he sat there, taking in his brother’s horrified expression at his claim, Gordon regretted ever opening his mouth at all.

He didn’t let up. He couldn’t. To apologise or to backtrack would only offer two choices: Virgil would either accept his outburst as a mistake and not take any action, or he wouldn’t buy the act and would begin to put an action plan in place to tackle Gordon’s supposed way of thinking. Gordon wasn’t sure which option was worse.

So he continued.

“If it was you, Virgil… if you suddenly lost the ability to use your hands, your fingers, and now your painting and your piano playing was just a distant memory of what you could once do, how the fuck would you feel?”

He wasn’t sure what Virgil was thinking as he just stared at his younger brother. He wasn’t sure if any answer was going to be given, let alone an honest one. All of those doubts dissipated when Virgil leant forward. His elbows rested on the sheets of the bed, his hands holding as best he could onto one of Gordon’s casts.

“I would fight because the alternative isn’t better than this. That is never better than having some sort of life, Gordon. Death is death, but life… No matter how bad it seems now, life has variables and possibilities, and you should never wish for anything else.”

Gordon didn’t bother trying to hold back the tears any longer. He knew Virgil was right, but accepting that meant accepting a whole lot more pain.

“I’m too tired, Virg.” He whispered, head hanging lowly in defeat and shame.

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that when you’ve still got fight left in you, Gordon. I know you have.” Virgil tilted Gordon’s chin upwards with two gentle fingers. “You’re a Tracy. We don’t give up. So long as you are alive, there is hope, whether you think it’s worth believing in or not. So long as you are alive, you can fight, even if you believe you’re too tired to keep going. So long as you are alive, I will help you as much as I can because you are my brother and I’d much rather have to wait on you hand and foot than attend another gravestone, okay?”

It wasn’t a question to ask whether Gordon understood.

It was a question to ask whether Gordon would accept that unspoken promise.

“We take each day as it comes, but we never give up. So long as you are alive, Gordon, promise me that you will never give up.”

“I’m not great at promises, Virg, but…”

He trailed off his sentence, hoping his brother understood that he would try. 

Trying was all he had left to give. 

[thanksitsatraumaresponse]

I hate the holidays. And I’m pretty sure they hate me back.

Growing up in the house I did, the holidays were a time for “family”. We had Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Easter as our big 4 we would have people over for.

Do not get me wrong, as far as presents go, I was always well cared for. Always fed. Had clothes on my back.

But there was never peace. I was either the pun of a joke or a target for being lashed out at. And the words were never pretty.

C-PTSD does not allow me to ignore the fact that those things happened during the holidays. I feel like a deer in fucking headlights at the thought of attending an actual family function. Because family functions were the equivalent of having splinters shoved under my nails as a teenager.

My brain won’t let my body forget these things because it needs to protect me at all costs. It associates holidays with torture. In conclusion- my brain feels “happiness” from the holidays and signals my body to feel like I’m being hunted for sport because it’s the holidays… this happiness and joy won’t last long. Fear lives where happiness does in my brain.

I have no contact with my father & stepmother. I recently saw a picture of my father and he looked so much older than when I saw him last. I have been crying everyday since.

I see my boyfriend with his family, his dad, and I so desperately wish I knew this feeling. I wish my dad would hug me and get to know me as the person I’m becoming.

And as I wish for these things, I’m hit with the memories of the verbal beatings I took from my stepmother. How I was called fat and lazy and ugly and worthless. Told I was a mistake. And how he sat in his recliner, and never lifted a finger or made a peep to defend me because he didn’t want the beating turned on him. And then I’m angry and sad and confused and ashamed. Now I’m overstimulated. When my bf says something that’s too similar to a memory I flip my switch, making a big deal of nothing and starting a fight because I can’t control the fact that I am terrified.

And although my rational brain knows there is NO DANGER my CNS don’t give 2 fucks. It says we are NOT doing this again. There’s no explaining anything to me. In that moment, there is danger and I refuse to let anyone tell me otherwise because I know how the story ends… or at least that’s what my CNS says.

Now I’m in the car apologizing and crying because I’m scared my boyfriend hates me. He’s going to find someone who isn’t broken and want them and not me— please note, my boyfriend is a great man and would never do those things and has never had any transgressions against him— but my CNS doesn’t want to hear it. *Cue in daddy issues with a steaming pile of relationship trauma on the side*

If you have C-PTSD, please please PLEASE give yourself some grace to feel your emotions, but also be aware of when you do something unkind because of your triggers. We are not perfect nor do we strive to be, but always hold yourself accountable.

For those who love someone with C-PTSD please be patient with us. The holiday season has been a source of trauma for most of us, so we are not necessarily going to be the jolliest. Please make every effort to include us. Please make every effort to listen to us and let us let it out. Make us feel safe because we are only doing this because we feel scared that the happiness we are experiencing will be snatched out from under us.

For me happiness is the soft hands I feel right before fear starts to choke me.

[buckyr00s]

Love Languages || m."f".g

pairing: Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia x Reader

warnings/tags: can be read independently but can also be a sequel to The Meet-Cute; TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF

author's note: Again, this is way longer than I anticipated LOL I said this once and i'll say it again, I have RUINED men for myself in the way I've been dreaming about our sweet baby Fanboy. The standards are now ASTRONOMICALLY HIGH. Big shoutout to @rad-topgunn for helping me get out of my writers block. There's a reason why #rad is the real MVP is a tag I use a lot!

main masterlist || send requests

Mickey Garcia is the type of person who is not particularly fond of flowery, over-the-top, grand gestures. He finds them quite cringey if he’s being completely transparent.

Instead, he firmly believes that multiple tiny, but so very meaningful gestures go a longer way.

He owes a lot to his mom. In more ways than one. But in the love-department, she really set the standard.

She was the one who lead by example, showing her babyboy the importance of compassion, patience, and the constant effort to win someone’s heart.

So as soon as you met him and every day ever since, he’s made it his mission to win your heart, and when he did, his goal has been to keep it.

He’s not really a casual-dating type of person. It might be his upbringing but he is dating for marriage.

So, he holds you and your heart with gentleness. He simultaneously sees the world—his world—in you and wants to give you the world.

He absolutely makes it his goal to shower you in his love and admiration. He sprinkles it all through the day.

There’s something about the challenge of making your heart flutter that he welcomes so openly and takes very seriously. It’s the same feeling you give him every time he thinks of you…which is often. The thought of you feeling butterflies because of him? A source of utter pride and joy.

It's the little things for Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia that amount to a lot.

It's the small reminders that he tells you he loves you.

Words of Affirmation

Mickey is the type of person who refuses to throw the "L" word out liberally. Instead, he'll say in other way.

He is such an observant person. He is one of the best WSOs the US Navy has every seen for that very reason. So, a lot of time, when he sees even the slightest oddity in your mood or behaviour, he'll check in on you. He also just really wants to know.

"How are you feeling?"

"Is everything okay?"

"How was your day?"

He genuinely loves to listen to anything you have to say. Again, being an observant person and one of the best WSOs, he naturally strives to take in as much information as possible. That's especially true because you are one of the most important parts of his life.

And because he's very observant and genuinely very interested, his very much an active listener. Whenever you tell him a story, he'll nod, shake his head, roll his eyes, sigh--all depending on the situation, and all affirming your feelings and experiences.

"Right. Right."

"No she didn't"

"That was not okay,"

And he'll always end these types of conversations with a beautifully genuine smile and a "thank you for sharing this with me".

"Fanboy" is a multi-layered call sign. Mickey is your biggest fan, and will be so encouraging in anything you do.

"Go for it!"

"You've got this"

"I'm so proud of you"

He often uses terms of endearment. His go-tos are "love" and "baby". His favourite, though, is "mi cielo" (my sky/heaven).

Because yours and Mickey's schedule are often busy and conflicting, he definitely leaves little notes around the place for you to find.

"Have a great day :)" he'll place a sticky note on his pillow when he has an early morning and had to run without kissing you goodbye.

"Drive safe!" he'll write on a scrap piece of paper and place it on the overhead sun visor in your car.

"Thinking of you," he'll text in the middle of a busy day to let you know.

That all being said, he was definitely the first one to say "I love you." And when he does say it, he really, really means it.

Physical Touch

Mickey enjoys physical touch but is definitely not a PDA type of person.

He uses physical touch more like a non-verbal communication to comfort or affirm and reaffirm you.

In public, he loves to hold your hand, giving you an occasional squeeze to let you know so many things without even saying a word. I've got you. I'm here. I'm glad you're here too. I love you.

In private, he can be a pretty affectionate person.

HUGS. Especially embraces where he'll just hold you in his arms, his chin rested on your head. The perfect position to kiss the top of your head.

Speaking of kisses...he probably can't choose a single favourite. Other than your lips, he'll enjoy a forehead kiss. A kiss on the neck. A kiss on your hands.

He loves a good cuddle.

His favourite cuddle position is probably when he's on his back. Your legs are intertwined, your arm draped over his torso, and your head on his chest. For him, there's something about you clinging to him that he loves so much. It makes him feel wanted--needed, even.

He's also down for a good spoon. Most of the time, he's the big spoon because he loves to hold you in his arms. Again, he loves the feeling of keeping you safe.

But when he is a little spoon, he enjoys it wholeheartedly. You holding him in your arms gives him butterflies and makes him giddy. He likes it a lot but will probably never admit it to you because he loves holding you and knows you love being held.

Ultimately, him holding you and you holding him brings him great comfort. Especially because when he isn't deployed, physical touch lets him know you are really there. That he is with you and you are with him. Sometimes it all feels like a dream to him. He often wonders how he's gotten so lucky. And if he's dreaming it all. And physical touch grounds him in reality.

Gifts

Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia loves to SPOIL the ones he loves.

He's a big fan--all puns intended--of buying you flowers.

Bringing them home after work with a "honey, I'm home".

Sending them to you in the middle of the day with a note.

"Thinking of you" it will say when he's stationed elsewhere.

"This is your reminder to stop and smell the roses" it will say in a particularly busy day or week.

Fanboy is not just a fan of pop culture stuff, but I genuinely think he's a pretty nerdy guy. I imagine that he's really into learning new things, reading books, watching documentaries. So, you'll often find random books appearing around your shared apartment with little notes attached.

"I remember you talking about this"

"I think you'll enjoy this"

"This reminds me of you"

"This reminds me of us"

In general, I think he'd buy little things that remind him of you. And yes, that includes fan merch like graphic tees and Funko Pops.

But he'll buy big things too. Like a large stuffed toy that he'll say you can cuddle with when he's gone. He'll even give you a bottle of his cologne to spray onto it.

And if you read my first fic, you know this man is a sucker for making mixtapes. He loves music and enjoys compiling songs that remind him of you, of your relationship, and the things he wants you to know and feel.

He'd give you the world if he could. In fact he's made if his life-long mission to try.

Quality Time

Quality time is Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia's primary love language. You can't convince me otherwise!!!

As his callsign suggests, he is a BIG fanboy. He's part of multiple fandoms and most of all he's a big fan of you.

You share common interests, so whenever an event or opportunity comes up, he'll think of you and will ask you if you would like to go with him. It's a win-win for him, to be honest. Spending time with his love and indulging in his interests? Amazing!

"They're in town next weekend! Do you want me to get us tickets?"

"The new movie is out! Are you free to go to the midnight screening?"

When you're both free, he loves to plan vacations with you. Being the amazing nerd he is, going on holidays is never just about going to the tourist-y places, but actually enjoying the local people, areas, food, histories, and cultures.

He is also absolutely content with staying in with you and just spending time together.

Especially because he gets deployed, he cherishes every second he gets to spend with you.

His favourite thing to do is settle on the couch with you, cuddle in a blanket, and binge-watch shows and movies.

He'll also make sure that he documents everything. He loves taking candid pictures of you.

"Say cheese" he'll tell you when you turn around to check why he isn't walking beside you anymore.

"Wait. Stay right there. The light is hitting you perfectly." he'll rush to find the perfect frame.

And even when you two are separated by distance, he'll make sure to squeeze in any free time he has to take a quick video call--or two--with you.

Most of the time, it's when he's commuting from place to place.

"Hi love," he'll glance at you on his phone screen, flashing you with his beautiful smile before quickly turning his attention back on the road.

"Hi baby," you'll respond. "Why is your shirt off?" you laugh at the strange circumstance.

"On my way to the beach. Something about team training," he'll tell you casually before his car comes to a stop at a red light. "Why? Are you complaining?" he'll wink.

What else can I say? The man comes alive when he's with people he loves. Especially you. It's one of his greatest joys.

Acts of Service

Acts of service is also one of his more prominent love languages--I mean, this man has dedicated a lot of his life to be in service of others.

He DEEPLY wants to provide for those he loved ones. And that includes you.

Feeling particularly tired and need a few extra minutes of sleep? He's an early bird anyway, but he will not hesitate to put the kettle on and make you breakfast.

Spent most of the day staring at a screen and working? He'll bring you sliced fruit and a glass of water.

Love washing and drying clothes but hate folding them and putting them away? He's your man.

Again, this man is so perceptive and observant.

And my goodness, he takes INITIATIVE.

There are so many little things that you don't even need to ask him to do, he'll do them for you. Sometimes you don't even know you need certain things until he provides it for you.

He notices that your milk is running low, so when he's free, he'll run to the store and grab it for you.

He notices that you left your little things like a USB stick, a hair tie, your favourite pen in random places in your shared apartment and will put it somewhere you will find it.

He notices when you're having a particularly tough week so he'll do something to comfort you.

He'll set up a little candlelit dinner in your shared apartment.

He'll take you out to ice cream after a long day.

He'll plan out activity dates.

He'll arrange trips and the playlists that accompany them.

His goal is to be someone you can depend on. The perfect life long-partner.

In all things said and unsaid, he loves you.

author's note: LORD WHEN IS IT MY TURN?!

main masterlist || send requests

[deathlessathanasia]

do you believe that any mythological female character (especially mortal characters) can be considered "feminist"?

i see people saying "medea is a feminist!" and i think how a woman who doesn't show care for other women is a feminist, since feminism presupposes female collectiveness. then i see people saying "medea isn't a feminist and we have better examples like penelope" and i don't see how a female character who is an example of the female status quo is feminist, since feminism presupposes going against the status quo

the discussion continues (just changing the characters) and i can't agree with anyone. i don't think any of them are anything like "feminist" and i don't think a female character with decent development is inherently feminist. that doesn't make them bad characters, they're just not feminists (not unexpected considering the time)

as I see you posting a lot of books that you study, i was curious what your take on this would be

I wouldn't call any figure from Greek mythology feminist and I find discussions like this pretty annoying and useless given how watered down the concept of feminism has become. At most it could be said that (some of) a mythological female character's words or actions can be seen as protofeminist, but not the character as a whole.

Medea is wonderfully complex and what she says about the female condition in Euripides' play is very poignant:

„Of all creatures that have breath and sensation, we women are the most unfortunate. First at an exorbitant price we must buy a husband and master of our bodies. [This misfortune is more painful than misfortune.] And the outcome of our life's striving hangs on this, whether we take a bad or a good husband. For divorce is discreditable for women and it is not possible to refuse wedlock. And when a woman comes into the new customs and practices of her husband's house, she must somehow divine, since she has not learned it at home, how she shall best deal with her husband. If after we have spent great efforts on these tasks our husbands live with us without resenting the marriage-yoke, our life is enviable. Otherwise, death is preferable. A man, whenever he is annoyed with the company of those in the house, goes elsewhere and thus rids his soul of its boredom [turning to some male friend or age-mate]. But we must fix our gaze on one person only. Men say that we live a life free from danger at home while they fight with the spear. How wrong they are! I would rather stand three times with a shield in battle than give birth once.”

Is she a feminist though? It's not like she advocates for women's liberation from those unfair conditions even though she is so aware of them, or as if she uses her abilities and talents to help other women.

Penelope is clever and resourceful and resilient, but not sure what exactly would make her a feminist. Klytemnestra defies expectations for how a woman should behave by taking a lover and murdering her husband, but she also kills Kassandra, a defenseless woman who never purposefully wronged her in any way. Helen could be interpreted as a liberated woman who willingly left her family for whatever reason, but a woman doesn't become a feminist simply because she does what she wants

[taraninja]

Rody Soul Propaganda

I was gonna let someone else make this, but there’s been no other posts so I will step up to the plate. 

First and foremost, Rody Soul is one of the characters I have imprinted on the hardest. As an eldest child myself, I believe his character development and portrayal was perfect and he desperately deserves more attention in canon and manga. That being said, I will list below exactly what attributes I think make him a “best bnha character” qualifier, provide videos, and of course, share the link to vote for him once you inevitably decide that this boy needs to win. 

He came from a pretty well-off, middle class family. So when his father disappeared and he was stuck living with his siblings, he could’ve easily complained about his lot in life and fallen apart. But he didn’t! We never see him bemoaning his financial problems, his main issues are with his father leaving and worrying over his siblings’ future

Even as a young boy we see he really loves and cares for his siblings, to the point where he’d rather spend time with them than alone. This not only works to explain his motives in the movie, but also is a great portrayal of eldest siblings. While we’re independent people, we grow up with our younger siblings for so long that there’s a special fondness and connection that can’t be replicated by anyone or anything. 

Rody constantly brings up that ‘he isn’t tied to any sense of morality’ like Deku, and straight up refuses to listen to the police when they order him to stop running. He really said ‘fvck the police my family come first,’ and he’s so valid for that

As a ‘morally grey’ character his actions are built up very consistently throughout the movie; he steals his boss’s bike to get to his mission quicker, participates in a jewelry store heist, jumps on top of a bus to avoid paying the bus fare, and contacts the villains who are trying to destroy the world just so he can return the case and go back to his siblings. You’d think this would make him predictable and stale, but no; there’s actually a lot of complexity to his motivations and decisions

We especially see that in his final choice, to defy Flect Turn and help Deku instead of taking Flect Turn’s offer, of sparing Otheo (where his siblings live) in exchange for the disc. When he’s lying on the ground, barely conscious after just shutting down Flect Turn’s bombs, he asks “Was I as cool as you?” to Deku, revealing that protecting his siblings isn’t his only goal. He also wants to be someone his siblings can admire and look up to, the way he used to look up to his father. By risking his siblings’ lives, he didn’t act out of character. He was simply striving his hardest to exceed their expectations and be the best model for them he could be, which honestly made me shed a few tears when I realized it. 

I haven’t even mentioned yet how queer-coded he is. Like this man is SO flamboyant and sly, he’s honestly a pleasure to watch just for his jokes and elegant animation. He’s constantly teasing and bantering with Deku throughout the film, and they have one of the most naturally pleasant and healthy dynamics I’ve seen in all of bnha. They bounce off each other so well which makes me wish he was canon even more

He has so much charm that Deku even chooses to save his random ass over completing his mission and returning to Endeavor, and this is DEKU we’re talking about. Mr. Does Everything by the Rules, Mr. Goodie Two Shoes, Mr. “Least Likely To End up On a Wanted List in a Foreign Country” DOES end up on a wanted list in a foreign country only because he decided to help Rody out 

His quirk is the bird, Pino, who expresses his emotions constantly. It is literally impossible for him to lie as a result, which I know some people think “thats a lame quirk” but it works so well for building him up as a character and giving him more depth. We know when he’s putting on a mask in front of Deku because Pino is freaking out when he does, and it’s especially clever how he covers Pino’s mouth when talking to his boss. It shows how, at the start of the movie, Rody was in a state where he was constantly stifling his emotions and true desires in order to carve a better future for his siblings, which makes his future acts even more poignant.

He gives off closeted homeschooled kid vibes in a /pos way

Oh yeah did I also mention he knows how to pilot planes and helicopters? Because he does, that’s just how badass he is

Just watch these videos 

LINK TO VOTE FOR BEST BOY

[tcookies777]

Life update - returning to college and how it feels as an older student

First off, for any new TAOL readers here, welcome! Thank you for your comments and for investing so much of your time in binging The Anatomy of Love. I just want to apologize again, to both older and newer readers, for my agonizingly slow comment moderation and my lack in replies. I'm not ignoring your comment out of maliciousness or anything like that - I just lack the time and mental energy but that is not to say I don't appreciate your support!

As many of you who've read my previous post and/or chapter ANs are aware of, I've returned to university to finish my 2nd degree. English/literature had always been a great passion of mine but not the most practical career path for me, so I had to quit it in my youth.

Years later, I'm finally pursuing my dream through the best english program my country has to offer and it is everything I could dream of. The academic quality is superb and every day I am working and studying myself to the bone, reading nearly a dozen books a week and typing papers until the words start swimming on the screen.

Among these joys lie the challenges as well. One being that I lean toward the older side of the demographics, which puts me in a minority as opposed to the many young and fresh-faced college students. I've made many friends and met many classmates who assume I am as young as them but their jaws drop when they realize my real age. There is certainly a discrepancy between us in terms of life experience and more, but it is also refreshing and often enlightening to hear perspectives and ideas from the young, creative minds of these trailblazers.

Being in different generations definitely feels weird at times, but what's truly strange - and even a little heartbreaking - is seeing all these young students strive so far and work so hard to the point that the competitiveness created becomes toxic and detrimental to their health.

I have a classmate who is taking 20 units worth of classes (when 12 is the average given how intense the workload is), has 3 part-time jobs, and commits 20 hours of volunteering a week. During an exam day, a window fell on him and broke his arm. Instead of going to the hospital, he insisted on taking his exam with a broken arm because he could not make time to accommodate for his wellbeing.

I met a freshman girl who suffered a mental breakdown when she got rejected from all the school clubs after dozens and dozens of interviews.

The reason behind all the intense competition is because many of these students are fresh out of high school where they've spent the past 4+ years committing to 10 extracurriculars and 20 Advance Placement classes and 1000 volunteer hours so that they can graduate at the top 1% of the class to (hopefully) attend such top universities. But it gets to the point where we're taught that instead of learning for the sake of learning, we're learning for the sake of getting that piece of paper aka the diploma.

And there are many professors who can recognize the difference between the former and the latter in a student of theirs. And there are many professors who will refuse to give even their A+ students a Letter of Rec because they feel that student is not genuinely passionate enough for whatever grad school or internship.

When I was 18 and crying over the stress of nursing school and feeling I was too dumb compared to everyone else, I wish I had someone to tell me to take a deep breath and RELAX.

So now I want to say it for any new or incoming college students that might be reading this: Relax.

Your career will not be over if you do not get into that club. Your social life is not dead just because nobody invited you to a frat party. You are not a loser if you don't have 10+ best friends. You getting a B or C on a paper does not mean your final grade can no longer be an A.

Yes, go to your professor's office hours but talk to them about things besides the coursework - let them get to know you as a person rather than as just a student. That's how they will really remember you among all the other students, and that's how they'll be able to write about you in their letter.

No, you're not dumber than everyone else. That's your imposter syndrome talking. I promise you that whatever idea, question, or concern you have about the course material, there is 100% another student in your class who shares the exact same thing. If you're struggling, 100% there are other students in your class who are struggling as much as you. Don't compare yourself to your peers because we're all battling our own problems and insecurities but we're just hiding it. Focus on yourself.

Be nice to everyone you meet no matter what because you never know what networking opportunities will arise in the near or far future out of that one interaction. Within 1 month of school, I was already offered an internship at a prestigious publishing house just because I let a girl in class borrow my book and we ended up becoming close friends. That network chain was conceived all because I was just nice enough to share my book with her in class.

Most importantly, be nice to yourself! You are smarter than you think you are. And just because you didn't achieve your goal, that doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault or you're a failure. Sometimes to get to your destination you need to take a different path compared to the path you see everyone else taking. And sometimes it's just not meant to be... yet.

Anyway, I'm extremely lucky and privileged to be able to say I am enjoying my 2nd round of university (especially after much pain and suffering in the first round). Which is a major reason why my updates for TAOL have been erratic and my comment moderation slow, but I will continue to do my best in updating whenever I can!

(And if there's even the slimmest chance one of you readers here might be attending the same uni as me, let's vote Chris Pine as our speaker! We must get the arts some representation and love)

Thank you for reading and I will see you soon in the next update 👀

[friendcorp]

Blorbo posting!

I haven't had time to do a proper session for progress just yet but I did do a quick round of hiring and I am loving the nugget interactions.

Julian and Xavier discuss the truth behind Lob Corp:

^ Quick comment on this one, I was told Xavier's hair was supposed to be "purple-ey" so I made sure it was as you can see here:

However the game INSISTS on giving Xavier black/dark hair during management so I'll need to fix that.

Tori and Epsilon are both Blunt Newbies and have befriended one another:

I am absolutely keeping Epsilon in the default gear. I have pure mad lad energy for this and I have no idea how it's going to work but I refuse to give them anything higher than HE if and when it comes to it. I will always strive to keep these characters as close to their true backstories/personalities/abnormality preferences as I can.

"I just hope the work here isn't too hard" ... I'm so sorry:

Maki, Geminiano, and Julian are trying to figure out ways to befriend the abnos, meanwhile Dia doesn't seem to have high hopes:

Apparently a universal mood at the FriendCorp:

I love how Julian has been trying to recruit people to the "we can befriend the abnormalities!" movement, especially because Tori is absolutely the sort who would be on board with that:

It's so crazy to go from only 6 Nuggets across 3 Departments to 11! Seriously this room is starting to get crowded:

Since I didn't originally anticipate anyone making art for this project I hadn't really worried about getting super clear images of everyone but considering how cool it's been to see everyone's art of their blorbos I wanted to give you guys some better pictures of everyone so that being said

Here's the squad:

As always thank you all for continuing to make this project as fun and enjoyable as it is. Without your involvement this wouldn't be nearly as great as it is. Let's all (continue to) work together!

-Cryptid