#so this ended up kinda like a re-telling of that scene i think

[br-disaster]

Da-ge, what have they done to you....

[ventiswampwater]

subterranean

FANDOM : house of wax (2005) PAIRING : bo sinclair x afab!fem!reader RATING : explicit 🔞 WORDCOUNT : 3.9k

Reader POV. Basement fuckery. He tells you it's to keep you humble. It’s really just to keep you scared. The distinction doesn’t matter. You end up here again and again, knees biting into the concrete.

Crossposted on A03 here.

⚠️ Stockholm Syndrome. VERY dubious consent under duress. This was supposed to just be porn without plot. But then I lost my goddamn mind. Oops. Decent amount of weird prose. Depersonalization and derealization. Pet play (but make it weird and kinda metaphorical). Collaring. Forced boot riding. Vibrator and anal plug use. Bondage/gagging/edging. Bo at his absolute WORST (his natural state), being smug and mean and awful. Dirty talk dialed ALL the way up. Extremely dehumanizing and degrading language. Mind break elements. LOTS of backhanded praise. ⚠️

You always got too comfortable.

A lifetime before—when you were first here—you sat on this mattress with him, swallowing down mouthfuls of cold beef and carrots. You can remember the soup swirling in the can, murky and brown like a puddle of stagnant rainwater. He hadn't bothered to warm it up for you, but it hadn’t mattered. The food was something. Sometimes it felt like everything.

You licked the broth off the spoon as he plugged another tape into the VCR.

“One of my favorites.” He told you. Of course it was. Every movie he showed you down here was one of his favorites. Every can of soup might be the last. It was always the same things, over and over.

That’s when you started to lose track of time, you think—when you’d started to cling onto all that nothing.

Time wasn’t all that bad of a thing to lose, was it? Who needed it when his thumb was rubbing against your knee, stroking up your skin? The soup was cold, and his hand was warm. You traded one for the other and you liked it.

Funny. Thoughts like that always felt like they came with an or else tacked at the end.

A chunk of potato sat unpleasantly on your tongue—almost bitter, gravel in your mouth. Just like everything else, you swallowed it down.

He pressed play, his fingers drifting up your thigh. The TV quality was fuzzy, interrupted by the occasional flicker of static. Sometimes the films he chose would start in the middle of scenes. You’d get brief glimpses of things he’d recorded over—the triumphant blare of a talk show theme cutting off mid-note, dropping you in media res. He always assured you that you weren’t missing anything. At least that was one thing he didn’t bother lying about.

The movie wasn’t why you remembered that day, though. It was because of something he’d asked you.

“Where’d ya’ grow up?”

You hadn’t known what to say. He never asked you things like that. Your confusion only deepened when you turned towards him. There was no tension in his jaw, no furrowing of his brow. He looked, for the first time, wholly and startlingly calm.

When you failed to answer, he leaned forward and switched the TV off. He never did that either.

“Tell me ‘bout it. Whatchu do out there, anyway?”

You always regret not lying to him.

The world had shrunk down so much in the time you’d been in the town that it almost felt like you could gather it up and stuff it in your pocket.

You think about home. It looks different now.

Spidery tendrils of dust cling to the gaps between the balusters. It’s so difficult to get light in the house. No matter how many windows you open, there are always corners lost to shadow.

It’s strange how you could be up there one day, replacing the bulb under a fringed lampshade—and the next, you’d be tumbled back underground.

Just last week, you were lying on the couch in the living room.

The dog had padded into the room. She’d been gone for the better part of the day. With the doors unlocked, she went wherever she pleased. It had worried you at first, but it didn't anymore. She'd never leave town. She knew better.

At least, that’s what he’d said.

“Come here, beautiful.”

Jumping up, she curled into the space beside you. You wrapped your arm around her, wrinkling your nose. She reeked terribly of dog, stale corn chips and dirt and musk. You wondered if she might let you give her a bath now that you were in her good graces. It took a while to get there, but she came around. In a manner of speaking, the same thing had happened with you.

Pretty funny, huh?

Earlier, you'd been thinking about the puppies in the pet store window. Did she know about them? Slumbering away behind glass and dust, forever only a couple breaths old. Click. A switch was flipped, and they were as alive as they would ever be, nestled on newspaper shavings. On days like this, did she ever make her way down the hill to see them?

“Girls don’t last in this town.” You murmured, scratching behind her ear. “Just me and you, yeah?”

With a huff, she buried her head in the crook of your neck. It seemed like she was done listening to you.

That was fair, really. Half the time you weren’t even saying what you were really thinking anymore—and when you did, you weren't entirely sure that you made much sense. So much of yourself was locked up in your head and you kept forgetting where you left the keys. It all got clogged up inside your skull and oozed out of your mouth in a trail of sickly platitudes. You were just so thankful, so grateful.

“Sorry.” You whispered. You were always sorry for something, and sometimes you even meant it.

The rays of light were receding off of the arm of the couch, crawling up the wall. Your thoughts filled the living room. You could almost see them floating through the air, bouncing off each other like bubbles. Fleeting, effervescent things, popping as soon as you tried to track their paths. When you turned your head, you could smell his cologne. It was his jacket, hanging discarded over the couch cushions.

For a sudden, terrifying moment, you missed him.

That’s when you said the prayer. You didn't know where you meant for it to go. You guessed it was for whoever was around to hear it. Most days it was him and some of the time it was his mother. Both choices rang false. If God was still in this town, it was here, caught in these beams of light. Or maybe God was the dog heavy on top of you, her breath a rhythmic rumble against your throat.

Maybe you wouldn’t last long. Maybe it was all just wishful thinking.

Today, Bo fastens the collar around your neck. The leather feels heavy against your skin.

He tells you it’s to keep you humble. It’s really just to keep you scared. The distinction doesn’t matter. All the light bulbs you screw in will eventually need to be replaced. Wiping away the dust only gives way to more dust. You'll end up here again and again, knees biting into the concrete.

This almost feels more like his room than the one he sleeps in up at the house. Here, you can feel him more than anywhere else. There's more of you down here too. Real, tangible parts of yourself. Look around. There you are in the stain on the mattress, the blood crusted on the vinyl.

Welcome back, baby.

You keep your gaze on the ground, searching for something to bore your eyes into. Your eyes land on his shoes. Flecked with dirt, they bear obvious signs of wear. There’s a sizable hole in the toe of one of them. You focus in on that as he readjusts the collar, tightening the strap around your neck.

Embarrassment heats your cheeks as you hear him click the leash into place. Even without looking up at him, you can picture the expression on his face. It isn’t a good one. You still can’t decide if he looks more or less like himself when he screws his face up like that.

Tugging roughly at the leash, he forces you to look up at him. Wrists bound; your hands flex uselessly against your back.

“Please—”

Without warning, he sticks his fingers into your mouth, forcing them to the back of your throat. You choke, your hands flexing in panic behind your back. When he pulls them out, you cough, eyes watering.

“Now, normally I like hearin’ you, baby.” He says, smiling down at you. His face is a discordant thing. All American, boy next door. A slice of apple pie that someone put a cigarette out in. “But you know somethin’—”

He crouches down in front of you, still smiling. You watch him silently, shifting anxiously on your knees.

“I never did meet a dog who could talk.” Reaching over, he flicks at the metal ring on the collar. “Feels wrong.”

Dropping the leash, he gets to his feet, striding away. You crane your neck to the side as he rustles around behind you. After a moment, he lets out an affirmative grunt.

Quickly, you pivot your head back to the front. Making his way back to stand in front of you, your eyes flash to the item in his hands. Seemingly amused by your concern, he dangles it in front of you.

It’s a ball gag, shiny and black—noticeably a hair newer than the rest of the junk down here. Maybe he bought it just for you. It’d make a pretty lousy gift, but then again, he was always shit at stuff like that.

He had an incredible knack for getting you shit that you never asked for. Everything came with conditions, a laundry list of provisos and conditions that you didn't remember signing up for. Everything he gave you was actually for him.

“Open up, baby.”

Before you can think to do as he asks, his thumb forces your mouth open, pressing down on your teeth. You sputter as he forces the gag into your mouth, securing it around the back of your neck.

“That’s better, yeah?” He asks, grabbing hold of the leash again.

You stare up at him, exhaling tight bursts of air through your nose. You tilt your head a bit, working your jaw around the ball. Your teeth rest uncomfortably on the rubber.

“You been so good today, think we outta give that pussy some attention, huh?” He smirks. “Whatchu think?”

You whine, the noise coming out in an embarrassingly wet gurgle. Spit runs out of your mouth, dripping down your chin and trickling onto your neck.

“So cute.” His voice is syrupy sweet. He can play at authenticity, but never with you.

He kicks your thighs apart with his foot, nudging the tip of his boot between your legs. His eyebrows shoot up expectantly as he nods down at you.

“Go on, then.”

Disgust is an old friend. She disappears for months at a time, only to show up unexpectedly as if no time has passed. She’s back again, turning your stomach around in her hands. You tilt your hips down. Rubbing yourself against the tip of his shoe, you wonder if he’s doing this for old times' sake.

Rocking forward, you imagine a glossy magazine cover. You could see him on the cover of one. He does have the face for it, when he bothers to put it on.

Bored? 50 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive!

Your jaw is beginning to ache. Bo's hand strokes softly at the top of your head. You hate that the pressure against your clit almost feels good. Your mind unhelpfully supplies more article titles, bubbling up in your mind in obnoxiously curly lettering.

10 Mouth Exercises For The Modern Woman. Have You Tried Screaming? It’s All The Rage in This Town. Once You Start, You Won’t Want to STOP!

“That’s it.” He grins. “What a little slut.”

You look up at him pleadingly, another dribble of spit running down your chin.

“Always got told ya’ shouldn’t let dogs up on the bed.” He muses, the amusement plain in his voice. “But you been on your best behavior, huh?”

Last week, you fell asleep on the couch. You woke up somewhere else.

It was dark and you were pressed against something warm. Not the dog, not the light. Those were both gone. His jacket hanging off the side of the couch, maybe. But it was moving now, and so were you.

“Gotta getcha to bed.” He’d muttered, carrying you up the stairs.

You lay across Bo's lap, the side of your cheek against the dirty mattress. You shudder, your legs shaking.

“Pretty girl.” Reaching over, he tugs you up by the leash, forcing your head back.

Every breath you take seems to make your muscles clench around the plug in your ass. He works it in and out of you slowly and you gulp, shallow breaths whistling out of your nostrils. Every time you jolt forward you can feel him press against you, hard against your belly.

“Hey. What’s wrong, baby? That hurt?”

You nod frantically.

“Huh. Funny…'cuz I don't think it does. You wanna know how I know?” You feel him spread you open, fingers dipping into your pussy. “You’re wet for it, baby.”

He pushes the plug deeper, and your head spins at the sensation. A warbling moan pitches out of your mouth as you feel it sink fully into you. You shiver uncontrollably, whimpering around the gag. Saliva gathers on your tongue, and you feel it spill out of the side of your mouth, pooling under your cheek.

“Good.” He rumbles out, stroking his knuckles along your back. “That’s my good girl.”

You squeeze your eyes shut when you feel him nudge something between your legs. With a click, the vibrator buzzes to life. You let out a startled cry as he strokes it along your pussy.

“It’s nice, huh?” He chuckles. “Don’tchu act like I never gave you anything.”

The vibrator teases against your clit in short bursts, pressing down just long enough to leave you panting before he pulls it away. Almost enough, not quite. You arch back uselessly, chasing after that glittery warm sensation. He laughs a bit, holding the vibrator just above your clit.

You can feel the edge of pleasure, but it’s nothing more than a distant dull thrum. He keeps you hovering over it for what feels like forever, squirming over a feeling that’s hardly there. You bite down on the gag, your sob watery and muffled around the rubber.

“This body’s all mine, girl.” He murmurs, running his thumb down your spine. “I ain’t gotta make it feel good.”

With a hum, he rests the vibrator fully onto your clit. The sensation you’ve been chasing envelopes you, shimmering through your core. Nasally, high-pitched whines escape you in quick, desperate succession.

“But I do, don’t I? ‘Cuz I’m just so sweet.”

You open your eyes, staring up at him in bleary gratitude. He presses down on the plug. The discomfort has crested over and all you feel now is loose and pliant. You moan around the gag, your eyes fluttering.

“You like having somethin’ in your ass while I play with this pussy?”

And you nod, humming out your agreement.

“Mmm-hmm? Yeah?” He teases, mimicking your garbled reply. "That's good, baby. That's real good. Reckoned I’d fuck your ass today, but that pussy’s gettin’ nice and wet for me. Whatchu think? Which hole you want fucked?”

You mumble incoherently through the gag.

“All of ‘em?” He exclaims, the grin evident in his voice. “Well, ain’t that real sweet. Good answer, baby.”

He keeps talking, but it’s getting harder to focus on what he’s saying.

“Next crew that comes through here—maybe I’ll tell ‘em I got a slut who needs breakin’ in. You spread those legs so nice, sure you’d fuckin’ love it.”

The image flashes through your mind. Hands everywhere, laughter and heat and friction from a kaleidoscope of people destined for death. You’re in the middle of all of those faceless people—a tribute to be used up, one last meal for a parade of living corpses.

You’re all destined for the same end, but theirs is closer than they know. Yours is prolonged, tied around touches and salt.

Bo would be in the corner, lighting another cigarette—watching, because he’s always watching. Mouth twitching into a smile because he’s right again. You’re exactly what he thinks you are. You’ll keep your eyes on him because you can’t look at anyone else. After all, if it isn’t his hands, could you even feel it? Would it even count?

The panic is sudden and hot, twisting inside your chest. A desperate little whine builds at the back of your throat.

If I’m everybody else's, I can’t be yours.

“I’d have a hard time sharin’, though.”

Relief. The vibrator pulses against your clit and your eyes go unfocused.

“’S funny. Gotchu down here—and nobody knows.”

Between your legs, your pussy feels pathetically wet, sloppily sliding along the vibrator. You almost wish he’d keep you like this forever, jolts of pleasure lapping hungrily between your legs.

“If there’s even anybody out there lookin’ for ya’…” He muses. “Wish they could see ya’ now, huh? Don’t think they’d feel bad for you, baby.”

Pleasure rolls dizzily through you, electric licks of sensation as he rubs the vibrator against your clit. The rubber in your mouth is an anchor, it feels good on your teeth.

“Betchu thought you were really somethin’ out there.” He chuckles. “How’s it feel to find out you ain’t? Feels good, don’t it?”

You open your eyes and nod up at him, panting out your agreement. Through the haze, you see him smirk. It’s a cruel, cold thing. You’re all full and useless, but he doesn’t need you to say it, because he knows. Thoughtlessly, you shift in his lap, trying desperately to spread your legs wider for him.

“Nothin’ but a little fucktoy.” He coos. “That’s all you are, baby. Want you to remember that.”

He doesn’t need to worry. You remember everything, except what counts.

“Good girls cum, baby. They can’t help it.”

You’re hurtling higher and higher, the pleasure battering against your brain. That’s where the memories are, where the time used to be. It feels better to fill it with this. But then again, you’ve known that from the start.

“Go on, baby. Cum all pretty for me, yeah?”

And you do, a million times over.

He keeps the vibrator pressed firmly against your clit as you tense up, your hands clenching into tight fists behind your back. Your orgasm is a bone-deep shiver, wracking your legs with uncontrollable chills. The pleasure throttles through the last of your coherency, prizing a desperate noise from your throat. Maybe it’s a word. It might be his name. It might just be the time. Maybe this is how you find it again.

The buzz of the vibrator goes dim and far away as he holds it against you. You’re twitching somewhere above it. Each involuntary movement you make brings with it a new hiccup of sensation. Around you, the room seems to spin—whirling into a terrific blur of green and yellow.

It can be beautiful down here, if you squint.

When he lifts the vibrator off your clit, you pitch forward, warbling out a dizzy laugh behind the gag. You wait for the sound of the wand powering off. It doesn't come. Behind you, the buzzing is a low, incessant drone. You’ve barely managed to ground yourself when you hear it kick up a notch.

Click.

The sheets smell like all the thousand versions of you, each one answering questions she shouldn’t. Four walls surround you and they feel like they’re collapsing down on all sides. They could be made of plaster or stone, but they might just be something else. Your limbs, your heart, your mind, him. Separate appendages, but all linked. All part of the same crumbling structure.

A scream builds at the back of your throat as you feel him set it back on your clit.

“We ain’t done, baby.”

Your sleep is deep. Quiet. Only one dream.

Bo’s sitting on the edge of the bed, an inky blot in the gray morning light. He makes a move to stand up and you grab onto his arm.

“Go back to bed, angel.” He murmurs.

It almost sounds real enough.

When you wake up, you're alone. You try the door and find it unlocked.

Figures.

Upstairs, the shop is empty. There’s a can of unopened Coke on the counter. You crack it open and take a sip. Lukewarm bubbles of carbonation fizz over your tongue. God, he really was shit with gifts.

Walking up the hill, you catch your reflection in the window of a sedan. You look haggard, your hair a raggedy clump around your shoulders. You try the handle and it cracks open easily. Crawling into the dirty belly of the car, you wince as you lower yourself down into the seat. You sit with one leg dangling out, absentmindedly studying the dusty speedometer.

There are cars in other towns, parked on different streets. There are places without dust. There are always other futures. Sometimes you turn down the wrong road, and sometimes you die. Sometimes you don’t.

That’s just the way these things go.

You imagine the town collapsing in on itself like a pop-up book. There’s Bo, frowning down at it. He seemed like he’d been the type of kid that wasn’t allowed to check those kinds of things out from the library. He’d bring them back with pages ripped out, scrawled with pen marks. Pilled white card stock where faces used to be.

God, you’re miserably sore. It’s impossible to narrow down the ache to a certain part of you.

Lifting your leg into the car, you pull the door shut. The dust inside tickles your nose. Unthinkingly, you reach up, your fingers brushing against the metal buckle of the seatbelt. The sting is sharp and immediate. You pull your hand away with a hiss, your hand smarting. When you reach for the seatbelt again, you’re careful to avoid the clip.

You buckle yourself in. Click. Alive again, now more than ever. Wrapping your hands around the steering wheel, you close your eyes. The leather is hot against your palms, and it hurts a bit. Just a little. That’s just the pain again, but you don’t really mind. It’s something you can keep. It’s all yours.

Nothin’ you can’t handle, girl.

That’s what he said last night. Afterwards.

You were laying with your head in his lap, the itchy crust of dried spit against your cheek. It was then that you decided that you were so ugly that you had to be beautiful. You had to be worth looking at. You’d rolled over on your back, looking up at him through swollen eyes. That’s when he said it, so low and quiet that you almost didn’t register it. There’d been a an edge of pride to his voice.

Nothin’ at all.

A lick of pleasure thrums between your legs and your eyes flash open. You unbuckle the seatbelt and scramble out of the car, ignoring the pain that sings through your limbs.

Things like that? They always came with an or else tacked at the end. You remember that, don’t you? You couldn’t have forgotten.

Looming above you, the house is a dark blot of ink against the blue sky.

There were no collars for dogs in this town—they didn’t need them. They’d always find their way back home, pawing at the door for some scraps. The only leash is the one that exists in your mind. You can almost see it, trailing off your neck and up the hill, looped messily around the front doorknob.

You were going to die here with all that wetness between your legs, begging him to take out more of you with his teeth.

It's like he said.

You don’t need to tie up a dog if it loves you.

[bcolfanfic]

If you have any,,, id love to hear more hcs about the intervention

*cracks knuckles* some background first (that is over-riding my wedding headcanons a lil re: the first time they see bucky post attempt- ah c'est la vie). also these were, shocking no one atp a collab effort with @swifty-fox

it comes up to begin with bc a handful of the guys decide to go hang out and muck about in nyc. ken, curt and rosie are already in the area, and croz, brady, demraco and the buckys also fly in. yayyy!!! boy time!!!

except not *yay* in that bucky's drinking has been getting. bad.

he tries hard to mask it, takes up chewing gum every second of the day to mask the smell on his breath but he's not perfect. drinks in the shower before they go out for the day with the guys, and he's off but the guys mostly chalk it up to bucky's typical buckyisms. gale maybe knows he probably isn't sober, but he's stressed and hurting and for the sake of having fun with their friends just tries to pretend he doesn't know. esp when he's not being sloppy, just a little off.

then croz walks in on bucky doing shooters (these, if you're unfaimialr) in a bathroom he had them all stop at. tries to be gentle about it- tell him he doesn't need those, if he's thirsty they can stop and get some water. but bucky snaps at him that to not talk to him like one of his kids and things escalate. they get into it and poor brady who volunteered to go see why they were taking so long in the bathroom is the one who has to break them up just like he did in bagram. war flashbacks. literally.

croz doesnt want to make much more of a scene about it so he doesnt walk out blasting what happened, but he does text gale about it. and at this point it's obvious to everyone that bucky isn't sober and i just </3. when bucky leans into gale and says he doesn't feel good gale kinda jumps at the opportunity to go back to their hotel. wants to take care of his bucky, but is also hurting and honestly a little embarassed.

then a lot of things happen that i think i'm gonna save to write in a fic but. including not limited to gale realizing bucky is hiding alochol in diff bottles when bucky asks him to grab a water from the mini fridge and is like uhhh no no not that one, not that one. and gale breaking his own heart having to help him drink when theyre back home because he almost went into full blown withdrawal trying to just up and quit cold turkey to save face.

to your actual question about the intervention, it's mostly curt's idea- that he shares on the phone when the bucks are back in wyoming. and gale is pretty much certain it's a horrible idea but he doesn't know what else to even try so he agrees. all the guys that were on the nyc trip fly out, and gale gets bucky out of the house for the morning (curt knows where their spare key is) so that the other guys can at least. get in the house without bucky physically stopping them.

but bucky knows something is up when they pull back in the driveway. sees all the cars and *knows* what this is and just looks at gale like he's committed the ultimate betrayal </3

it's a pretty rough start. curt starts talking all "should we go dig that bullet out of the wall or d'you wanna stop pretending your healing journey is over" and when bucky understandably kinda freaks at that he makes him tell the other guys what he's talking about. poor thing doesn't want to. tells curt's that not fucking fair he's such a narc, a bad friend but curt is like no. this is eating you up inside. you need to say it out loud. they're your friends. they love you. *i* love you.

ends up telling them, and that crack in the armor is enough that he's at least not snapping at all of them/letting them talk.

but it gets rough again when it's ultimatum time. croz’s is not letting him around his kids- not because he thinks bucky would *ever* hurt them, but bucky is just. a liability in a lot of ways with this and the whole point of ultimatums is that they are. tough to hear. they have to be. or they don't work.

demarco's is that if bucky genuinely refuses to get help then gale is getting on a plane with him (whether gale thinks he'd actually be able to go through with that or not he agreed to let demarco say it). and that's when bucky snaps again. talking so hard he's spitting about oh i don't even get to go back to wisconsin? just gonna leave me in wyoming to die, huh?

and gale bursts into tears </3 which is what really makes bucky break because gale *never* cries. but now he's sobbing because god bucky's trying so hard but he's still not better and he's hurting the people he loves. he's hurting them a lot.

bucky on his knees crawls to kneel in front of him and take his face in his hands "i'm sorry im sorry please don't cry, leave if you want just don't cry baby

and gale's crying telling he just wants him to listen to him and to their friends whydoy only care now cause ‘m crying- look at /them/, it’s not fair.

bucky wants to barf when he listens, turns around and looks at their friends and seems them looking back at them like *that*. but some part of him, the part that is desperate to get better feels really damn lucky to be so loved by them that they even showed up. that they want him to get better.

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Do you remember the scene in the fourth book, where Draco is turned in to a ferret? Could you write something where the reader finds Draco, unaware that it's him and takes him to her dorm and he has to stay for the night? Like reader and Draco usually don't get along (maybe Gryffindor reader) but she talks with Hermione about him and everything. And when the reader wakes up the next morning it's not a ferret but Draco lying next to her and she gets super embarrassed? Would be great if you have an idea on how to write it.

Thanks for your request! I really hope that this makes some sense since I struggled with writing it in a way that it all sounds logical. Hope you like this anyway!

The ferret

“It is my very great pleasure to inform you that the Triwizard Tournament will be taking place at Hogwarts this year.”

Dumbledore´s words still echoed in your head. This had been the most amazing message in a very long time. You knew that this year would be amazing. Instead of hunting down giant snakes or supposed serial killers together with Harry, this year you would be able to lean back and watch someone else experience all the adventures. You on the other hand would watch the bustle from a safe distance. There was nothing that could go wrong this year, was there?

You walked along the long corridors with Hermione, Ron and Harry, chatting about the most obvious topic after that announcement.

“It´s unfair that no one under the age of seventeen is allowed to participate. I mean it´s not my fault I was born too late.”, Ron grumbled.

“There´s a reason for this rule Ron.”, Hermione explained for the tenth time. “It´s too dangerous. We aren´t educated enough to participate at the tournament. I´m sure that the challenges will be very demanding.”

“And besides.”, you added, “I don’t think we would stand a chance against the older ones. I heard Diggory and Warrington want to participate. They would have some lead anyway.” “Yeah, but imagine all the money… You could do so much with it….”, Ron´s voice sounded dreamy.

“Maybe your family could finally afford things that aren’t used already, Weaselbee.”, you heard a voice sneering behind you.

You rolled your eyes. Draco Malfoy somehow always managed to appear in the most adverse moments.

“Just ignore him.”, you mumbled, as you felt Ron tense next to you.

“Oh yeah, Weaselbee, listen to her. You´re probably too stupid to think for yourself. Lies within the family as my father has told me.”

Now, Hermione and you needed to grab Ron and Harry by their shoulders so they wouldn´t turn around right away and hex Malfoy in the middle of the hallway. Not that you would have resented. But Malfoy wasn’t worth a second of detention. And luckily Hermione thought the same.

“No one can tell me Malfoy wouldn’t take the chance to participate if he would have one.”, Hermione muttered.

“Obviously. Just another chance to give himself airs.”, you agreed with your friend. “Could you imagine Malfoy as our champion?”, Harry asked. “He wouldn’t even last ten seconds.”

“Dad told me some students had died in the tournament. Wouldn’t be a shame if this would happen to Malfoy though.” Ron´s face was still red, but he smiled at his cruel thoughts. “All the things that could happen to him…”

“He probably wouldn’t even dare to compete in the end.”, Hermione said.

“Or would give up as soon as he breaks off a fingernail.”, Harry laughed.

“His father would definitely hear about this.”, you chuckled, making all of you laugh.

Even though you would never admit it, you kinda missed the blond Slytherin boy over the summer holidays. Without his sneered remarks, life was way more boring. But all in all, you corrected yourself, you hadn’t missed Malfoy himself, but more the way you and your friends made fun of him. There was no other reason for you to miss him. Because you had never really liked that boy. And there was nothing that could change that.

It was your first actual day back at Hogwarts. Today, the classes had started again. Even though you had missed many things about school, homework wasn’t one of them. And after only one day, you had already loads of them. That´s why you were at dinner early, before returning to the library, to finish some of your assignments. You didn’t want to fall behind already. But not even two hours later, you felt your eyes getting heavy. With a sigh, you closed the book before you and put it back on the shelf. You saw Hermione a few desks away, delving into a book. You didn’t dare to talk to her, since you knew how much she hated it when you disturbed her while she was studying. Also, all you wanted to do by now, was get back to your dorm and in your bed.

As you walked through the already empty corridors, you suddenly heard some whimpering. You stopped and turned your head in different directions, trying to locate the noise. That´s when you saw it. A tiny white ferret crouched in one of the corners, cheeping pathetically. Carefully you took a few steps toward the pet. It was shaking frantically and its fur looked scrubby.

“Oh, you poor thing, what happened to you?”, you spoke up.

You had always had a soft spot for animals and to see that little thing that looked so beat up, made your heart clench. When the ferret saw you coming, it only crawled more into the corner, too exhausted to actually run away.

When you kneeled in front of it, the whimpering got only louder and the shivering more intense. It was obviously scared, but as far as you could see, it wasn’t hurt.

“What am I supposed to do with you?”, you asked the ferret, even though you didn’t expect an answer.

Slowly, you extended one arm and then with a quick movement you grabbed the ferret, picking it up. It squirmed, trying to escape your grip, but you were skilled in those things. Since you could remember you had always brought hurt animals home, driving first your parents and later your roommates crazy. But you didn’t care about their opinion and always fed the animals up, before releasing them into the wild again. After a few minutes, the ferret seemed to calm down, not trying to escape anymore.

“Are you hungry? We could take a look into the kitchen and ask if they got anything left. What do you think? And tomorrow we will take you to Hagrid. He will know what to do with you.”

With that, you changed your original plan to go directly to your dorm but headed towards the kitchen first.

You sat on your bed in your dorm, eying the ferret worried. The house-elves in the kitchen had given you some raw meat and water for your newest nursing case. But the ferret hadn’t touched the food yet. It had drunk the water as if it was dying of thirst, but its fur had bristled when you had tried to feed it with the raw meat. Instead, it seemed to be very interested in the chocolate on your nightstand. But this obviously wasn’t the best choice for a wild animal, so you refused to give some of it to it.

You were just trying to convince the ferret once more to try some of the raw liver, when Hermione entered the dorm. As she saw the animal on your lap, she scrunched her face.

“Once more (Y/n)?”

“I found it in the castle. Completely lost. But now it doesn’t want to eat.”

You looked at Hermione scared.

“Maybe its sick?”, your friend suggested.

She stepped closer to look at the ferret, but as she did so, it quickly got up, trying to get away from her. Luckily, you caught it, before it could disappear.

“I´ll get it to Hagrid tomorrow. He´ll know what to do.”

Hermione raised an eyebrow.

“Hagrid? He´s probably gonna feed it to some of his creatures.”

As if the ferret knew what she was saying, it squeaked indignantly. You put the meat aside and carefully caressed the fur of the ferret.

“Don’t worry, I´ll make sure he won´t. I just want to ask him if he has any idea what´s wrong with it. And when it´s fit again, I´m going to release it far away from Hagrid´s creatures and all the owls flying around here.” You glanced to Hermione´s bed, where Crookshanks was lying, eyes fixed on the small thing on your lap and licking its muzzle. “And cats.”, you added.

“Do you think it’s a pet?”, Hermione asked. “Maybe it belongs to one of the students. I mean it looks different from the ones roaming around outside of the castle. Just look at its fur. It´s so light, almost as if someone bleached it.”

You shrugged your shoulders.

“Maybe I should ask around tomorrow. But are ferrets allowed as pets?”

Now it was on Hermione to shrug her shoulders.

“I don’t think so. But I also don’t remember that it´s forbidden.”

“I´ll take care of it tomorrow.”, you yawned. “At first I need some sleep.”

You looked at the ferret.

“You too, don’t you?”

Once again, it seemed as if the ferret understood what you were saying since it got up from your lap and tripled over your bed, straight to your pillow and curled up right in the middle of it. You laughed.

“I´ll take this as a yes.”

After you had gone to the bathroom, you grabbed your pyjamas, starting to change your clothes. You couldn’t help but feel as if the ferret that was still curled up on your pillow watched each of your movements closely, probably only waiting for you to open a door or a window, giving it a chance to escape.

Hermione, who was already laying in bed, put her book aside.

“By the way, have you heard what happened in the Great Hall at dinner?”

You shook your head. When you had been there, most of the students hadn’t arrived yet and after dinner, you had only been in the library and the kitchen.

“Padma Patil had just told me. I met her on my way back here. Apparently, Professor Moody had hexed Malfoy.”

Hermione chuckled and you stared at her in disbelieve.

“He did what?”

“Hexed Malfoy. Padma hasn’t seen what had happened, but Parvati had told her. Apparently, Malfoy had disputed with Ron and Harry. And when Harry turned his back, Malfoy wanted to hex him. But Professor Moody was faster.”

You laughed.

“What did he do?”

“Transfigured him into a rat, Padma told me. But she wasn’t sure about that. Parvati had only seen him running down the hallway afterwards.”

“And did he turn him back?”

Hermione shrugged her shoulders.

“I think so. Professor McGonagall was there too. She was certainly furious. Don’t think she appreciated this. But even if he didn’t, transfigurations of humans only last for a few hours.”

“Poor Moody, It takes some time until Professor McGonagall loses it, but if she does, I don’t want to be near. He´s lucky if he doesn’t get hexed himself.”, you chuckled.

“And she´s right. Transfiguration shouldn’t be used as a punishment.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Even if it´s Malfoy?”

“Even if it´s Malfoy.”, Hermione confirmed.

But then she chuckled.

“But I would have loved to see this nevertheless.”, she grinned.

You laughed.

“Me too. We have to ask Harry and Ron about it tomorrow immediately. I need a detailed report.”

“Do you think Malfoy will let this matter rest?”, Hermione said, now a little bit more serious.

You shrugged your shoulders.

“What does he want to do? And besides, he´s probably way too scared of Moody. Kind of understandable, I guess.”

“Probably his father will hear about it.”, Hermione chuckled, making you grin.

You let yourself fall onto your bed and tried to shove the ferret on your pillow to the side, but it squeaked in protest, trying to defend its cosy position. You sighted.

“You are just like Malfoy, you know that? You could be kinda cute if you wouldn’t be so annoying. Also, now that I think about it, your hair looks very similar.”

“I´m sure I misheard this (Y/n). Did you just call Malfoy cute?”, Hermione said in a mocking voice.

You felt your cheeks redden. You hadn’t thought about what you had just said. Not that you actually thought Malfoy was cute. You didn’t like him. At all. But you also had to admit that besides his many bad qualities, he also had some good ones. Not only he was good-looking and an amazing Quidditch player, he was also very smart -his grades could nearly keep up with Hermione´s- and of it wouldn’t be against you, your friends and your house, his humour could actually be funny.

“I said he could be cute.”, you corrected your friend, as you snuggled yourself under the warm blanket. “If he wouldn’t be such a pain in the ass.”

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but he´s one all the time. And besides, tell me one good thing about him.”

“I don’t know. He´s clever, he´s a great seeker, he´s always good for a laugh- even if it´s unintentionally most of the time-, he´s got beautiful eyes…” You stopped when you saw Hermione´s gaze. “And he´s originated from a family full of people who would judge me for being friends with you and not thinking I´m something better since I´m a pureblood.”

The last sentence you said in a stilted voice, making Hermione laugh.

“I was actually worried about you for a moment (Y/n). I would have taken you for the last person to defend Malfoy.”

“I didn’t defend him. I just made some objective observations. I mean even you can’t deny that he´s grown attractive over the holidays, don’t you?”

“You don’t expect me to answer this, do you?”, Hermione asked.

“Relax, I´m just joking.”, you calmed your friend down. “And no matter how good-looking or smart he might be, that doesn’t matter if he stays the idiot he is.”

But as you turned off the lights and lay there in the silence, you came to the conclusion that even if you had said those things to annoy Hermione, they weren’t completely untrue. Draco Malfoy was for sure handsome and you had to admit that you might be missing something in your life without his constant teasing. But as long as he stayed the spoiled brat he was, your feelings towards the Slytherin boy wouldn’t change a bit.

That´s what you thought as you drifted off into sleep. And as you did so, you felt the tiny ferret next to you carefully cuddling itself into the crook of your neck.

Your alarm woke you up rudely the next morning. With a switch of your wand, you quickly turned off the annoying noise. You heard Hermione growling in the bed next to your quietly. The first days after the holidays were always the worst. You didn’t dare to open your eyes yet, trying to prevent your sweet dreams from slipping away completely. You felt the source of warmth next to you and turned around to nuzzle your face into it. You inhaled the comforting smell of expensive cologne and pines and listened to the steady heartbeat, just as calm as yours. You felt an arm wrapping around you and sighted in comfort. You could have lied here like this forever. You felt as if you were protected from all the harm out there. As if everything was just fine, even if it was just for this moment. You couldn’t remember a morning neither in school nor at home, where you had felt that good. And the reason for this feeling was the person right next to you, who now pulled you even closer, so your head could lay on their chest. Why hadn’t you felt like this earlier?

Because normally, no one was lying next to you. Within seconds you sat up, now fully awake. The room was still dark, but you could clearly see the contours of someone lying next to you. In your bed. Someone who hadn’t been there when you had fallen asleep. You screamed loudly, grabbing the blanket to cover yourself, crawling to the end of the bed, to get as much distance between the person and you. Rising up, as they heard your scream, the person screamed as well in a high-pitched voice, trying to grab the blanket as well, but you were still clinging on to it.

“What the hell is going on here?”, you heard the sleepy voice of Hermione.

With a switch of her wand, she opened the curtains, making the sunlight fall into your room.

You stared at the person on your bed in disbelief.

“Malfoy? What? How? Why? What are you doing here? How did you come in?”, you stuttered, as you recovered from the shock.

“Asks the person who brought me here.”, Malfoy muttered, his cheeks were red, but probably nothing compared to how much your face had heated up.

“What? How could I… No, why should I bring you here? Are you kidding me?”, you asked, feeling the anger boiling up in you.

Was that some kind of cruel joke? How dared he sneak to your dorm and into your bed and blame you for it?

“If you would stop being such a do-gooder, you may not drag innocent people into your dorm, who had been cursed and aren’t able to defend themselves.”, he snapped back.

“What?”

“The ferret.”, you heard Hermione´s voice from the other side of the room.

You stared at her in disbelief.

“The ferret?”

“Remember? Professor Moody had hexed Malfoy. It wasn’t a rat. It was a ferret.”

“Sometimes even you have some bright moments, Granger.”, Malfoy sneered.

“Wait, wait, wait, let me get this straight.”, you said, before Hermione could reply something unfriendly. “You were the ferret I found yesterday in the corridor?”

Malfoy nodded.

“Why didn’t you say something?”

Malfoy rolled his eyes.

“Well, you aren’t that bright, are you (Y/l/n)? How could I? I´ve been a ferret.”

“But you could have done something. Anything. To make us notice. By Merlin´s beard. You slept in my bed. You heard how Hermione and I talked about… Oh good lord, I even changed in front of you.”

You hid your face in your hands in embarrassment. Malfoy grinned cockily.

“Not that I would have minded.”

“I think that´s my cue. I´ll get ready somewhere else. See you at breakfast.”, Hermione said, before grabbing her things and opening the door.

“Wait. How do we get him out of here?”, you held her back.

But Hermione just shrugged her shoulders.

“Down the stairs and through the common room.” “How are we going to explain that?”

“I won´t have to, you brought him here, you will get him out.”, Hermione grinned, obviously enjoying your desperation.

“Mione.”, you whined.

“I´ll think of something (Y/n) how I´ll get the other out of here. But first I´ll get ready and unlike you, I don’t want Malfoy watching me.”

She quickly closed the door behind her and the pillow you had thrown into her direction only hit the wood.

“Great friends you have.”, Draco rumbled.

“Says the boy, who was not in his dorm for an entire night and no one noticed.”, you countered. “Now just get out of here, this is more than embarrassing.”

But Draco just grinned at you and laid back again.

“What part exactly love? That you slept in the same bed with me? Or that I saw you in your -by the way really adorable- underwear? Or that I heard every single thing Granger and you talked about the last evening?” With each of his words, you felt your face redden more and more until you feared you might burst into flames right away. You grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around your body, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“You were neither supposed to hear nor see any of these things. If someone should be embarrassed, then it´s you.”

But Malfoy looked at you unimpressed.

“I´m the victim. I was hexed by a professor and then kidnapped by you.”

You laughed in disbelief.

“Kidnapped? I wanted to help you. Well, not you, the ferret. I mean, you are… You were the ferret. But I didn’t know…”

“But you also can´t blame me though, can you?”

You clenched your jaw. He was right. You couldn’t.

“Well, if it was so horrible here, you might as well leave now.”, you snapped.

Slowly Draco sat up and looked at you. His gaze grew more intense and made shivers run down your spine. Unintentionally, you wrapped the blanket tighter around your body.

“I never said it was horrible though. Well, except the food.”

He scrunched his nose. You let out a small giggle at the thought that you actually wanted to feed the spoiled Draco Malfoy with the residues from the kitchen. Malfoy looked at you pleasantly surprised as he heard your laugh.

“Well, sorry about that.”, you chuckled.

“I´m sure if I would have been an actual ferret, I would have enjoyed it though.”, he said, making you laugh once more.

“See? Sometimes I can even make you laugh intentionally.” As you remembered the conversation with Hermione the last day, you felt your face heating up again.

“Right, about that… Just don’t pride yourself on that, okay Malfoy?”, you said, avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t worry, I´ll just forget it if that´s what you want.”

You looked at him in surprise. You had expected that he would hold every word you had said against you. The positive things as well as the negative ones.

“Okay. Well, thanks, I guess.”

“It´s fine. I mean you are right. I wasn’t meant to hear this, so I shouldn’t nail you down for what you have said.”

You nodded thankfully.

“But can I ask you one thing about it?”, Malfoy asked, his voice sounding serious.

You sighted.

“Sure.”

“You said you might think I´m cute if I wouldn’t be…”

“If you wouldn’t be you?”

“If I wouldn’t be such an idiot sometimes.” You nodded.

“Did you mean this?”

You hesitated. Have you meant it? You remembered the feeling when you had woken up next to him. You hadn’t known it was him, still, you had had the feeling as if you could trust him. As if you had been safe. You slowly nodded.

“I think so.”

“So if I might…”, Malfoy stopped and scratched his neck. “If I would try to avoid some topics in the future, do you think… Well, that the two of us might be able to… get along sometime?”

You looked at him in surprise, but for Malfoy, the patterns duvet cover seemed to be very interesting now.

“It´s not just about the comments, you know? It´s about the fact that you believe in the things you say.”

Malfoy nodded.

“And if I… if I would try to change that too?”

“You know it´s not that easy, don’t you?”

“Yes, but I think it might be worth a try.”

He glanced up at you, throwing you a shy smile, that for some reason, made your heartbeat speed up. You couldn’t help but return your smile.

“I think so too.”

Malfoy sighted in relief.

“I promise I will try.” But then his cocky smile returned to his face. “But honestly, you would miss it if I wouldn’t tease you anymore, wouldn’t you?”

You laughed.

“But I wouldn’t mind if you wouldn’t insult my friends, family and house every time you do so.”

Malfoy looked slightly embarrassed.

“Well, I might try. But I won’t promise anything.”

“Neither will I.”

Your gaze caught his and you felt some goosebumps on your skin as he smiled sweetly at you. But then another thought crossed your mind.

“Why that change of heart though?”

Malfoy shrugged his shoulders.

“You look cute when you sleep, I guess.”, he said.

You weren’t sure if he was honest or joking. Probably both.

“You know that sounded creepy, don’t you?”, you laughed.

“Sorry.”, the boy chuckled. “But it´s true though.”

You weren’t quite sure how to answer. Then your gaze fell on the clock.

“Shit.”, you cursed. “Already that late?”

You got up, grabbing some fresh clothes.

“You really need to leave. Don’t want to be late on my second day.”

“Shouldn’t I wait for you?”, Malfoy asked, but you shook your head.

“I need to get ready first.”

“Wouldn’t mind watching. It´s not like I´ve never done before”, the boy said teasingly.

“Out. Now!”, you laughed.

Malfoy got up and went to the door.

“See you around (Y/n).”, he smiled.

“See you around.”, you said, before you added: “You need to go left and then down the stairs and through the common room.”

Draco nodded and threw you a last smile, before he left the room.

You had just gathered all of your things when you realized, you had forgotten to tell him something important.

Quickly, you left the room.

“Draco?”, you called.

But then you heard a loud bang and a string of curse words, you didn’t even know.

“Would it have hurt you to tell me that those stairs turn into a fucking slide, (Y/l/n)?”, he yelled from downstairs.

“Are you hurt?”, you asked worried.

“Only my pride.”, he grumbled as he got up again, in a not-so-elegant way.

“Normally that´s how boys are prevented to get into the girl's dorm. But looks like it doesn’t count for transfigured ones.”, you explained to him from the upper landing.

“Then I´ll have to get myself turned into a ferret every time I want to visit you?”, Malfoy mocked.

“Maybe you don’t have to sneak into my dorm every time you want to do so.”, you countered.

Malfoy laughed.

“We´ll see about that love.”

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @writingwitch007

[valc0]

Hannibal rewatch and Baldur's Gate 3 ramblings

I recently re-watched the first season of Hannibal after almost 8 years and since I’m now deep into another fandom (BG3) I analyzed some of the themes of the show and how parts of it could tie in with the story of the game, particularly when it comes to the Dark Urge.

I’m also doing a review because why the hell not. I divided the text into sections for convenience, so if you want to read only the review or are exclusively interested in my speculating ramblings on BG3 you can easily do that.

It’s a long one so let’s start.

REVIEW

THIS REVIEW IS NOT SPOILER FREE AND WILL GO INTO GREAT DETAILS ABOUT THE TWISTS AND PLOT POINTS OF THE SHOW.

If you didn’t watch it and you like thriller/crime/horror please do yourself a favor and watch this show now!

I’ll start by saying season one, to me, is almost perfection. It’s 13 very well crafted and acted episodes and almost none feel like filler (almost but we’ll get to it). The crime of the week structure is integrated with the horizontal themes of the season seamlessly and the story avoids exploring too many parallel plots, making the theming very cohesive.

I remember watching this show for the first time and finishing season 1 in about 2 to 3 days, but I’d never think the same would’ve happened a second time. The first 5 episodes had me in a clutch from the start. Every character is fleshed out and extremely well written, the acting is impeccable, the writing is phenomenal and the visual, even when getting symbolic, never seem gratuitous or nonsensical in their use of analogies and dream-like visions.

The photography is also phenomenal, with great use of contrast that makes the image and scene clear even though it's set in the dark or at night.

If I had to rate the season I think I’d definitely give it a 9/10, and the 9 is only because of two small things that I figured I’d get out of the way first:

(I must remember whoever is reading this that these are my opinions, they don’t mean to offend anyone else differing opinion. You’ll see what I mean in a second.)

Alana Bloom x Will Graham is forced, comes out of nowhere, and makes Will act out of character most of the times.

I’m not getting into ship-fighting, this is not about shipping, I like Hannigram but I have no dog in this fight so this is totally not about it. Episode 8 is great, it has one of the best kills in the whole season and Will deteriorating stability makes for great lines and visuals, other than a lot of tension since he can no longer be predictable and ends up disrupting Hannibal plans.

And though I could attribute the way he acts towards Alana as something he does because of this deteriorating mental state, it doesn’t really feel like it. He seems very present during those scenes and acts weirdly romantic for the reclusive stray-collector, whose primary hobby is fishing and who’s been plagued by visions of death in the past episodes.

I would have rather see them to grow more of a non-romantric connection that may or may not have become romantic in later seasons. It all seems a bit rushed imo.

I also know they are setting up the Alana x Will x Hannibal. Which I’ll be honest I don’t remember liking the first time I watched it...but we’ll see.

2. Episodes 9 and 11 slow the show and kind of drag the pace.

Episodes 9. The totem of bodies is a very striking and memorable visual, but the crime in itself is very bland and the killer only gets a 5 minute scene towards the end which is anticlimactic and kinda too much tell with too little show. It’s honestly a shame because the murders in the previous episodes were very well crafted and paced. This one, not so much. I understand the need to connect the themes of “legacy” and “family” with Abigail’s actions but I feel like there could have been better ways to do that in previous episodes.

Episodes 11. I loved the whole Chesapeake Ripper fake-out, but I’ll be honest I don’t think I needed a whole other episode of Abel Gideon’s story. Didn’t really care for the plot of this and the pace was a little too slow. Good things about this episode are the ending with Hannibal at his most manipulative, and the fact that it starts Chilton’s comedic chain of misfortunes– which cracked me up the first time I watched the show because come on!! this guy is awful and can’t catch a break, you love to see it.

Now that the “bad” is out of the way let’s talk about the good, which is honestly everything else.

Episode 1

Banger of a pilot. Everything for the rest of the show is set up in only 42 minutes if you can believe that. Characters are fleshed out, themes are placed, conflicts are started. By the end of the episode all you want is MORE. I have very little else to say other than the pacing of this one should honestly be studied, a lot of modern series would need the lesson imo.

Episode 2

Interesting case with a lot of great scenes that reinforce the characters and their relationships. You get a first glance at how campy? the show can be, which is honestly something I love, I’m kinda tired of the “realistic to the point of boredom” trend I’ve been seeing lately. Freddie Lounds is properly introduced as the disrupting force she is and we get a jumpscare that made me curse. Sorry, did I forget to mention I’m watching Hannibal and I cannot stand horror? Lmao

Episode 3

LOVE this episode, the way this show makes you feel powerless as you watch the events unfold knowing full well what is happening and who is responsible...amazing! I love Abigail’s character and the very innocent and pristine way she is portrayed when you know later on the truth will come out is chilling.

Episode 4

I remember how grim I found this episode the first time and the feeling returned the second time around. Hated the killer with every fiber of my being and the fact that she kinda looks like Catherine Tate made me die a little. Also the scene of Hannibal making himself a family through gaslighting and creative use of drugs and lies was amazing.

Episode 5

I loved this crime and the way the episode paces the killings. The angel symbology was great, I’m a sucker for catholic and religious themes tied into vicious crimes. The series also introduces Bella, Jack’s wife, which I’ll be honest I don’t remember having a good ending...I don't remember exactly how, but I know I will cry.

Episode 6

Favorite episode by far, the tension in the flashback scene is palpable and when you see Miriam looking at the sketch with the silhouette of Hannibal pacing towards her in the background AAAHGGG- RUN Miriam OMG! This is the episode where you realize how absolutely scary Hannibal’s physicality can be. Mads Mikkelsen is 1,83 (5ft 11) but he feels like a giant in those scenes, like you can do shit about it.

Episode 7

The episode’s case is a botched transplant one and it’s just okay, nothing too spectacular, but the way this series makes me hungry should be concerning, since I just watched Hannibal kill and butcher people who slightly wronged him to make a feast out of them. I’m sorry, whoever is directing the shooting of the food is doing a good job, okay?

Episode 8

My second favorite episode yay! I love this kill because it’s so over the top. Also the visual of a person played like a cello is haunting just as much as the sound they decided to give it. “He had to open you up to get a decent sound out of you.” okay Will go off?!?! A bit sad they took this murder from Hannibal since I believe it was his in the books, but the end fight was worth it (though when Tobias started swinging his impromptu cello string weapon I did cackle because omfg calm down)

Episode 9

See section above

Episode 10

I shat myself watching this episode with all the horror vibes I’m dying please, I’m watching this through my fingers like a baby. I did love this episode though, and the final twist of Hannibal going to such lengths to be sure he leaves NO ONE behind is terrifying. Dr. Sutcliffe even agreed with him and didn’t show signs of wanting to betray or rat him out, and yet in the big scheme Hannibal still found it better to kill him. Scary stuff.

Episode 11

See section above

Episode 12-13

Putting these together because they are the finale and are closely linked to each other. There is no real “crime of the week”, though Georgia Madchen dies at the start of episode 12 and Abigail...dies at the start of episode 13. Will continuously declining psyche is very well portrayed, you really feel powerless with him as his brain keeps betraying him over and over at the worse possible times. Also Hannibal fake-empathy is so uncomfortable to me...knowing the lengths he’d go to manipulate the situation after seeing all the “behind the scenes” is chilling. All in all it’s a good finale though it really doesn’t feel like one. By the end Will managed to see Hannibal’s true colors, but I don’t think he’ll fully understand what he’s fighting against until he actually sees Hannibal in action, so it does feel inconclusive in a way. We do get Hannibal funny naked fursona is all its glory though so, big happy for me!

Now let’s get in my current fixation and tie in some of the themes of Hannibal with Baldur’s Gate 3. YAY!

BALDUR’S GATE 3 – Dark Urges, Bad Dreams and Worse Influences

Let’s get something out of the way first.

The Dark Urge is a very flexible and versatile character which is mostly – if not completely– shaped by the player. We get to decide if they refuse the Urge, with the bittersweet realization they still took all those lives and will have to deal with that guilt. OR we could make them machines of slaughter and death, embracing their father’s plan for them to be the killer they were made to become.

There are other variations of this and from what I’ve seen many Durges have very different characteristics depending on how the player interpreted and played the game.

This to say, all of the following dissertations on BG3 and the themes of Hannibal are my personal view of MY Durge or the way I see the character in general, which is extremely personal and could crash with someone else’s interpretation or headcanon. Keep that in mind while reading, if you see me using absolutes or if I forget an “imo” at the end of a sentence, remember this is ALL In my opinion, none of this is to be considered as a general and all-encompassing statement for every Durge out there.

That said, you’ll be surprised to know in my interpretation the Dark Urge isn’t Hannibal, what’s funny is that the Dark Urge isn’t Will either.

Durge is both characters at the same time, and depending where they are in their journey, this may change.

In the case of Will, towards the end of the series you get a more “start of the game” Durge. The memory loss, the confusing thoughts, the haunting dreams and then this weird hellish creature (Sceleritas Fel) guiding them. By this point Durge is still a victim of their circumstances, they can’t really grasp who or what they are and their mind is in complete shambles.

I can see a Resist!Durge in this scenario, someone completely horrified by their actions starting to question who they are, what they did, and if they can ever change. This point in the game isn’t spelled out as much, the narrator often refers to it but the real extent of psychological damage a Resist!Durge must face is left completely to the player’s interpretation, that’s why I think Will is such a great starting point to understand and visualize the character of Durge from a distant POV.

With Hannibal you get a more pre-tadpole pre-Orin-meddling Durge. Someone who knows what they’re doing and how to get what they want. I personally never saw my own Durge as this calculating, something in the feral way the Urge gets to the character in game made Hannibal a tad too composed to fully be an inspiration for Durge, but I’ve also seen other people Durges as cool and collected killers, and the comparison in that case works really well.

Another interesting characteristic of Hannibal we can see in Durge is the twisted way he thinks in relation to others. Hannibal calls himself Will’s friend, and I believe he’s genuine in his affection since the way he helps Will is in done in earnest.

This helping though, it’s monstrous in all sense. Hannibal lies, literally gaslights Will, meddles with his head and denies him medical help. He manipulates him into killing, only to watch what unfolds simply because he needs someone who understands him. By dragging Will deeper into his world and making him a killer, Hannibal cultivates what he perceives as Will’s true nature and potential, making the man a suitable friend for himself.

It speaks to Hannibal narcissism that he would consider helping someone as making them more like him. But then again that’s also why Hannibal is so drawn towards Will, because he thinks differently and he IS different from him. He doesn’t have the same amount of interest or even respect for someone like Tobias, who’s probably the most Hannibal-like killer we get to see in season 1.

He needs the challenge, he needs to feel in control. And ultimately, though not in an usual sense, Hannibal needs a friend. He is lonely.

This works a lot for Durge in the sense that they may or may not corrupt people around them. As a player we get the choice and power to influence how companions act and react, and this kind of duality of “I like them, I want to help them” and “I want to make them like me” is a good motivation to give a Durge who may, for example, ascent Astarion, or turn Shadowheart more towards Shar, or give Gale a power complex (more so than he already has) ect.

BONUS! And then came Durgetash

In episode 1 Hannibal visits Will and brings him breakfast. While they chat in a honestly beautifully lit scene, this exchange happens.

Hannibal: You know, Will, I think Uncle Jack sees you as a fragile little teacup. The finest china, used only for special guests. Will: How do you see me? Hannibal: The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.

Did I mention I love Durgetash? Did I mention I go completely feral over unhealthy dynamics and specifically this kind of dynamic?

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.” is an amazing line for Gortash because I do believe the reason he wanted Durge to side with him was that Durge was extremely good at being undetected, and even more so skilled at killing the right target at the right time.

I love the idea of Gortash using Durge as a shield/weapon, and Durge using Gortash to economically sustain and socially shield Bhaal’s cult. I love to think their relationship was born because they were useful to each other and that in this completely selfish ecosystem they somehow found company.

Because I’m sure Durge pushed back. I’m sure they realized they were being used and didn’t like it one bit, and Gortash kept Durge around even though they may pose a threat, for the same reason Hannibal keeps running circles around Will. Gortash needs a challenge. Being head of Bane’s cult means that other than his God, no one else is above him, and I think a man who’s been fighting his whole life to gain control would feel a bit lost when this control is automatically given to him without a fight.

In the same way I think Durge would yearn for something more, something different than what they’re stuck with, which is a dying cult forced to hide beneath the city, and a jealous and over-zealous sister who I’m sure tries to kill them once a week. I think they would get pulled in by the promises Gortash would make. To rule together, above ground, for once not having to hide, getting back the power Durge feels like belongs to them.

The similarities I found between these characters are way more than these but I think I’ll have to make a part 2 of this once I’m done re-watching season 2. I’m aware the series has been out for a while and I’m sure people already made way more interesting and in-depth analysis. I still hope you liked my little morning ramble that turned in a full on essay on the subject.

Thank you for reading!

[scarletwinterxx]

let me take you to the place of your dreams - Jeno imagine

hiiiii honestly this had been on my drafts for so long, i finally finished it😭😂 hope you like it!

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

"So I just put in anything?"

"Yea basically anything you want to try, to do with your prospect partner. If somebody thinks it's interesting, then they pick it. Totally anonymous. If you don't like the person who picked your note then you can just pass" Ryujin explains while she hands you a piece of paper and a pen

"But what if somebody said the same thing as me" you ask

"Hasn't happened before, believe me you're about to hear the weirdest shit tonight"

"So what do I put?"

"I don't know, your dream place to do it" she jokes

"And I don't have to say it's from me right?"

"Yep, totally anonymous"

Do it in an expensive car.

You wrote it down as a joke, no one will know it was you and you didn't really mean it. Pinning the note on the board, taking one last look at it before walking to the refreshments table.

College parties are like Friday night staple. It would be weirder if you stay home instead of going out and potentially die alcohol poisoning. The funny thing is everyone's schedule intersects with one another, meaning if it's exam season you won't hear a single stereo blasting at any of the usual party dorms. But best believe once exams are over, you'll see atleast one or two passed out student at some random doorstep.

"Did you write yours?" Ryujin asks, appearing again beside you

"Yep"

She looks at you with a smirk, not expecting you to actually do it. "Didn't know you had it in you"

"You say it like it's a scary cult initiation" you mumble

"No no no totally not, I mean look at Minjeong and Jaemin. They met through that"

"They did not"

"They did"

"What did she write?"

"Some very cute cliche scene only Na Jaemin can pull off. She kinda did write it with him in mind so in a way it worked out for them" she shrugs, pointing the beer can she was holding towards Minjeong and Jaemin who looked like they were lost in their own world.

"And you? Have you every tried?"

"Yep, landed a few dates with Jung Sungchan last semester"

"That's how that happened? I thought you met at the gym or something"

"Definitely not, said I wanted to make out in the radio booth. He was the university radio DJ at the time" she laughs at your reaction, "How about you, what did you write?"

"Probably will never happen"

"Why? What did you write, tell me" she pulls on your arm dramatically

"Because we're a bunch of college students and I doubt someone here drives an expensive car"

"Why? What do you need the car for?" it takes her a second before she squeals and hit you on the arm a couple of times

"You little minx! You did not!"

"It's a joke, like I said as if someone drives an expensive car around here and if by some miracle they do I don't have to reveal who I am"

As the night went on, you kind of forgot about that whole thing. Ryujin kept on passing shots to you, by the end of the night you're sure you won't make it past the front steps but you tried anyways. It's getting to stuffy for you inside. As expected, you took exactly two steps from the door when you tripped on your feet, landing on the floor with a loud thug.

Too drunk, you just giggled instead of standing up. Not noticing someone was standing behind you.

"Are you just going to sit there?" someone spoke from behind you

"I'm just waiting for the world to stop spinning for a second"

"Sweetheart, if the world stopped spinning for a second we'll all be fucked"

"At least some of us will be" you laughed, looking up behind you to see who it was. "Holy shit, you're hot"

The mystery dude lets out a laugh, "thank you, but can you move aside first then we can talk angel"

"Jeno, quit flirting for a second. We need to drive Minjeong back" someone behind the hot dude, whose name you think is Jeno, said

"What are you doing there anyways, who- wait I know you. Y/N?" at the mention of your name, Minjeong's head popped up from the back. Now you notice was Jaemin speaking,

"You know each other?" Jeno asks, Minjeong immediately stepping forward to help you up and Jaemin following his girlfriend

"Yes, she's my friend. Hey are you okay? Where's Ryujin"

"Sucking faces with Sungchan, I think. I'm not sure" you answer, leaning sideways making you stumble a bit. This time Jeno catches you before you dive down the floor again.

"I can't just leave here here, I need to find Ryujin"

"I think she's busy, didn't you hear what she just said. Hate to ruin somebody's night" Jeno said, looking down at you

"And she's three seconds away from completely passing out. Do you where she lives?" Jeno asks Minjeong "Yea"

"Okay, we can drop her off first then we'll drive you back"

Jeno had other plans for tonight but it looks like it has to wait. It will eat him alive if he leaves a drunk girl alone at a party like this. He knows a lot of the guys in the frat house but of course he can't vouch for the rest of the campus, that's not a risk he's willing to take.

The trio helped you get back to your dorm, Minjeong getting the keys in your pocket and tucking you in bed while the two boys wait in the living room.

"You met someone tonight?" Jaemin asks his bestfriend

"Nope"

"Why not just give the note wall a try? Who know you might find a girl for you there" Jaemin says, for a second his eyes looking where Minjeong disappeared with you

"You're one of the lucky ones, most of those you even try that game ends up with a one night stand or find themselves in an arrangement of some kind" Jeno counters

"And?"

"Not what I'm looking for. Just here to be the chauffer for the night. Don't know why you're grilling me about my lovelife" Jeno answers sarcastically, making Jaemin laugh.

"Sorry, didn't know it was a touchy subject"

"You don't look sorry" Jeno snarks back

"Nope, can't say I can relate"

Another week has passed and you've completely forgotten about the note you wrote. Not until Ryujin came bursting through the study halls doors looking for you. When she spotted you, she made a dash for it.

"Girl I think someone got your note!"

"Huh? What note?"

"At the party!"

You needed a few seconds to understanded what she was saying before it clicked.

"Wait what? how did you know?"

"I saw a very expensive looking car drive by when I was walking out the gym"

You rolled your eyes at her statement, "And it didn't occur to you it might have been a professor or someone's parent?"

"Oh"

"Yeah oh, besides we're not even sure if someone took my note" you tell her

"Someone did" "Say what?"

"Someone did take your note, at the party. I left later than you, and a lot less drunk. I went to read some of the other notes but the one mentioning an expensive car wasn't there" she tells you

A few outcomes already playing in your head but you shrug them off. Remembering you don't have to reveal yourself.

"Also Lee Jeno is looking over here"

"Who?"

"Lee Jeno, Jaemin's bestfriend. Anyways I need to go, I'm running late for my next class. Guess I got excited over nothing. See you later, bye" then she was off again.

Looking behind to check who was looking, there's only one person looking at your direction. He made eye contact with you, tilting his head a bit to the side like he was waiting for something but you just looked forward again returning to your original position.

Jeno chuckles to himself, you probably don't remember him. So he packed his stuff, walking towards your table before taking the vacant seat infront of you.

Surprise written all over your face, because one you've never met this guy and number two he's probably one of the most attractive dude you've ever seen.

"Uh can I help you?" you ask him

"You can start with a thank you" he answers

"Excuse me? Why?"

"Ah so you don't remember. Well sweetheart, I was the one who drove you home last Friday. Not that I expect you to remember" he chuckles

"Minjeong said she took me home"

"Yea, with Jaemin. Using my car. Technically I drove all of you home"

"Oh"

Again he just stared at you, raising a brow at you

"Oh right, thank you" you mumble

"No worries. Just glad to see you alive after that, I bet the hangover wasn't as fun"

"I was begging all the gods to take the headache away or atleast blow my brains off, that would've been an easier way to take me out"

He let out a laugh, you're not so different sober. You're still as funny as he remembers from the only interaction he had with you.

"I didn't say anything embarrassing right?" you asked, eyes suddenly opening a bit wider. You don't fully trust yourself sober, much less when you're drunk.

"No, you were knocked out the whole ride back"

"Oh thank god"

"But you did call me hot, thanks for that again" suddenly you feel all of the blood rush to your cheeks and your hands suddenly got clammy. Did the room suddenly dropped a few degrees colder but also the air feels hotter.

"I didn't, tell me I didn't" you let your head fall on the table while Jeno just smiles down at you, enjoying every second of this.

"I did say we can continue that conversation later, how about we get some lunch or coffee after your last class?" he ask

"You're having too much fun with this conversation" you mumbled, not really giving him an answer

"I enjoy looking at pretty things" he answered without missing a beat, taking note of the way his gaze never left the side of your face.

"You wouldn't be here if Minjeong didn't make you drive me home"

"False. I was the one who found you sitting by the door, I wasn't going to leave a drunk girl alone like that"

"What, you bring them home instead?" you ask, this time looking straight at him

"I'm sensing very judgmental vibes from you right now, all I was asking was if you wanted to grab lunch"

"That was a no, bet you never heard of that before" you mumbled under your breath but he heard you anyways. You gather your stuff, ready to leave and finish this interaction.

"Dinner then?"

"So you're that type of guy who can't take no for an answer, good to know"

He lets out a chuckle, standing up from his seat too. This time he's towering over you, "I was being courteous, I'll take my leave now before you psychoanalyze me. Guess I'll see you around" he smiles then walks away.

Another week passed by, another Friday party to attend. If you're being honest, most of the time you come to these parties against your will. Like tonight, Ryujin wouldn't let you go home after your last class. Insisting you can get ready over at her place before the party. So here you are.

"If you want to spy on Sungchan, you can just say so" you tell her, finding it a bit funny how she keeps on looking around for him

"I'm not looking for him"

"Oh really, cause he just walked in" that made Ryujin look behind her, scowling back at you when she didn't see the aforementioned guy

"Just kidding, he's outside. I just saw him like five minutes ago being dragged by Dery so if I were you, I'd go there before he gets too drunk" she shoots you a smile before walking towards the back door, leaving you alone by yourself.

You followed short after, it was getting a bit crowded inside so you decided to get some fresh air. You're enjoying you're drink by yourself when suddenly someone whispers by your ear

"I know your secret"

That made you whirl around, ready to slam the dude. Only to find Jeno laughing to himself, eyes disappearing as he smile

"Dude what the fuck is wrong with you"

"Sorry, you looked too serious and too alone" holding his hands up before standing beside you. Resting his hip on the fence, facing you instead of facing forward like you were doing

"What are you doing here?" you ask him

"It's a party" he shrugs

"No, I mean here Jeno. What are you doing here" you gesture between the two of you

"Oh, well like I said I saw you alone so I here I am. And didn't you hear what I said?" he tilts his head, a smirk playing on his lips. You didn't like how much you find him attractive doing just that.

"What? What did you say?" you ask back

He chuckles before leaning closer, totally crossing your personal bubble to whisper to you again. "I know your secret. Your note"

At the mention of that note, your blood runs cold. You totally forgot about that until this moment.

"What note?" you ask, pretending you didn't know what he was talking about. He smirks at you while getting something from his pocket, when you saw what it was a mixture of horror and shock shows on your face.

"This is your note, right"

"No, I don't know what you're talking about" you deny, suddenly you can't look straight at him

He chuckles, opening the note and reading it a few times over. "You know how I know? we've had a few classes together over the years, sometimes you let Minjeong borrow your notes which she then lets Jaemin borrow then I borrow it too, you have a distinct way of writing A"

"Are you calling my handwriting ugly?"

"So this is yours?"

You scowl at him, snatching the piece of paper from his hand. "I was just kidding when I wrote that"

Do it in an expensive car. Cursing yourself for even writing it. And also cursing the universe for letting Jeno be the one to find it.

"It'll be our little secret" he says, sipping on his drink while looking at you.

You took the risk of looking at him, catching his gaze on your lips by a split second before he's looking straight in your eyes again

"What?" you ask

"Never though you'd be the type that wants to try out exhibitionism"

"Okay first, that was not what I was thinking when I wrote that and two you're stereotyping me now?"

"Oh just like you did with me?" he raises a brow at you "So why did you write it?" he adds

"As a joke, plus what are the chances someone on campus owns an expensive car when half of the people here are neck deep in student loan debt" you explain

Again he chuckles, downing the rest of his drink before setting it down.

"What? You look like you're planning something devious" you tell him, for the second time tonight he comes a little too close to you. Enough to leave goosebumps on your skin just from his proximity.

He slips something in your hands while whispering something in your ear, "Hold on to this for me? I'll go find Jaemin and say bye" he smile then walks away without saying another word.

You look down at your hand to see a key fob, the logo all too familiar to you. Your mouth agape as you look towards where Jeno disappeared to but you can't see him anymore. You leave your drink and made your way outside, surely he'll find you. He did just leave the keys to his VERY expensive car with you.

While waiting for him on the front porch, you walk back and forth looking towards the row of cars parked on the side of the road.

"My car's a bit further down, don't want to scratch her with everyone walking by" someone says from behind you, already recognizing the voice

"Are you sure this is yours? This is not stolen right?" you ask him, meanwhile Jeno just laughs as he walks ahead of you. You follow behind him.

"It's mine, birthday gift before I left for college"

"Oh so from your rich parents then"

"You didn't specify on your note who had to buy the car" he jokes, halting his steps to let you catch up so this time you're walking side by side

"I'm not having sex with you, I don't care how expensive your Benz is" you tell him seriously. Unconsciously hugging your self with your arms across your chest.

Jeno holds his hands up, his mother did raise him to be a gentleman. And contrary to your initial impression of him, he does take no for an answer.

"We don't have to do anything, you can go back to the party if you want to. I'm going now since it's getting a bit boring, I'll go grab something to eat though if you want to come with"

You weigh your options, is it smart to leave with a guy you barely know? most people your age would do the same, hell some leave parties with complete strangers.

"I'm not gonna end up in your trunk right?" you ask him, this made Jeno laugh. Holding his hand against his chest, "Not unless you ask me to, but I prefer the backseat it's more spacious"

"I don't want to know how you're so sure of that, I'm just hoping the seats are clean and I won't contract anything" you mumble, following his lead. He stops beside a sleek black car, holding his hand out for the key. You let it fall back in his palm, he press the unlock button before opening the door for you.

"And they say chivalry is dead" you mumble, earning another chuckle from the guy before he jogs over the driver's side.

"I'm really hoping I won't end up in a ditch somewhere"

"I'm not gonna murder you" he says as he starts the engine, looking over at you to check if you're all buckled up before he start to drive away

"That's exactly what a killer would say"

He just laughs at your statement, pressing something in the dashboard before passing his phone to you "Play some music, please. Your pick"

Just like that the two of you settle, you keep the small talk going. It surprised you just how easy it was to keep a conversation with Jeno going, the two of you talked about anything and everything. When you got to the restaurant he was talking about, he told you to wait while he jogs over to your side. Opening the door for you, not missing how his hand stayed on top of the doorframe just in case you hit your head.

"A breakfast diner? It's 1am?"

"So? It's never too late for pancakes" he smiles at you, letting you walk in first. When the two of you ordered, he insisted he'll pay since he technically did invite you. After a few protest from you, you let him tap his card.

"Now I owe you" you mumble as you slide in the booth, him sitting infront of you. He notices you look at the seat beside you before looking at him, "What?" he asks

"I just.. it's silly but can you seat here?"

He didn't say anything else, standing back up to take the seat beside you.

"Better?" he asks, looking at you. You nod at him, this time you're not glaring or scowling at him. Instead a small smile is on your lips, Jeno thinks he likes it better that way.

"Can I ask why?"

"Huh? why what?"

"You want me to seat here?" he asks

"Oh uhm one time before I was seating alone in a cafe and this dude suddenly sat beside me. It got real weird real quick I had to call for help" you frown, recalling the bad memory.

Jeno sits straight when he heard your story, like suddenly he was on fight mode. "Is he from campus?"

Already thinking if he can track down the guy and have a talk with him, but you shake your head. "Some random dude I thankfully never saw again"

The food arrives as you finish talking, again the two of you made small talk while you ate. The time passing by, the two of you paid no mind to the clock on wall. You were having a great time.

"It's pretty late, I should drive you home" he says, looking at his watch before sliding out of the booth. Again he waits for you, holding the door open for you.

You watch the street lights pass by, the rest of the neighborhood lost in dreamland while you're in your own moment.

Jeno stops infront of your apartment complex, then turning off the engine. This time he didn't move to open the door for, so you look over at him to find him already looking at you.

"What?" you chuckle

"If I ask you out on a date, will you say yes or no?"

"Are you asking now or..."

"Depends, do you kiss after the first date only?" you roll your eyes at his question, unbuckling your seatbelt before leaning over the center console to pull him by the jackets towards you.

"Depends, are you not going to stuff me in your trunk?"

Jeno chuckles, tilting his head sideways. This way his lips are closer to yours, one move and they're touching but he made no move to close the gap. He lets you decide what the next move would be.

Then you do. You close the distance between the two of you, feeling his lips against yours. His lips still taste a bit sweet, like the syrup on the pancakes you just had. This thought made you smile.

Jeno pulls away enough but still close to you, like he's scared to let you go too far from his grasp. "What's funny?" he asks, thumb on your cheek

"Nothing, you taste sweet" you says before diving right back in. This time you feel him pull you even closer until you're climbing over and settling on top of him. Sitting squarely on his lap.

Jeno pulls the seat back to make more room between you and the steering wheel. Your arms locked around his shoulder while his are around your waist. He didn't do anything to take it further, he was contented kissing you like you're his last breath of air.

You don't know how much time has passed, loving every second his lips are on yours. Eventually you had to pull away, Jeno then moves down to kiss your jaw then down the hollow of your neck.

"I should go now" you breath out but didn't really make any effort to move, instead you tilt yout head to the side to give him more room to continue whatever magic he was doing.

"Mhm, sure" Jeno mumbles against your skin, he nips at your neck for a while before he kisses his way back up to your lips. Smiling again against his lips.

"Does this count as doing it in an expensive car?" he jokes when the two of you broke apart. You hit him on the chest playfully, Jeno catches your hand before kissing your knuckles.

"Go on a date with me?" he asks, his expression completely different from how it was just moments ago. You roll your eyes but the smile on your lips told him otherwise.

His arms are still around you, and yours still hugging him. You might not be attached at the lips anymore but the space between your bodies still nonexistent. He could definitely get used to this, he thought.

"Okay fine, next time we'll try the backseat though"

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

"Cut!"

Hi! I was remembering how some of your fics have Roman practicing conversations with the other sides in the Imagination over and over. Now, I tend to be one of those people that is almost always in my head (been mildly dissociating near constantly for almost a year now which uh- probably should get that checked out actually) and a lot of the time when I do stuff I get deja vu even if I've never done something like that before. And it's kinda gotten to the point where I'm not entirely sure if something has actually happened or not sometimes. So I was thinking maybe Roman references a conversation what he'd had with the Imagination!Sides in passing on accident, and everyone is kinda like "Princey wtf are you talking about??" And Roman panics and hides, and the next time he sees the sides he thinks that they don't wanna see him and this is a scene in the Imagination. So he gets really confused when the words he's learned will get the fake sides angry at him just are met with more concern and worry from the real sides. And they're trying to comfort him and he doesn't know what's going on and yells "CUT!" but obviously it doesn't work and now everyone is really worried and Roman can't tell between what's real and what's fake anymore and just. Has a mental breakdown. and then they comfort :D because I cannot leave this poor guy with an unhappy ending. – anon

hiii !!!! idk if you’re taking requests, and if not please ignore me, but if you are, i’m legit in love with how you write rociet with roman angst, and i would love to see more of it !!!!!! thank you !!!!!!!! – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: unreality/roman having trouble remembering things and figuring out what's real, self-doubt

Pairings: dlampr, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 4976

It begins so slowly that they don't think anything of it at first. Roman will say something that they don't remember, or he'll reference something that never happened, or he'll forget something that happened just a few days ago as though it happened several months back. Things...escalate, and soon they figure out the problem is far, far worse than they could have ever imagined.

Remus doesn't bother with asking or knocking, he just sinks into Roman's room right over his bed.

There's no yelp or screech, which means Roro's not in the bed, but he does get a surprised little squeak when he turns around from his desk.

"Ro-bro!"

"Re? I thought you were—you went—aren't you feeding Ollie right now?"

Remus frowns, sitting up. "No, that's not for another week. And you're supposed to come with me."

Roman furrows his brow, toying with his pen. "Really? I thought you said…"

He trails off, staring into nothing and Remus's frown deepens, sliding off the bed and walking over. Roman's pen stills, his grip a little too tight, and Remus nudges his shoulder. "Roro?"

It's like someone electrocuted him—Roman clicks and suddenly this wide grin that looks almost painful settles on his face and Remus blinks in surprise. "Sorry, don't know what came over me. Must've been lost in thought."

"Are you—hey!"

Roman leaps up and tackles Remus through the door into the Imagination, summoning his sword and swinging it before Remus has a chance to catch his breath. His morningstar clangs against the blade a moment later and he grins too—he's been waiting for Roman to start one of their fights for ages!

"Come on," Roman taunts, spreading his arms, "or are you just gonna lie there all day?"

"Oh, you asked for it, Roro."

Their sparring shakes the ground, yells and laughs ringing out as their weapons clash over and over and over. Remus throws back his head and howls and the Imagination responds, the sky growing dark and thick with clouds as thunder booms in the distance. Roman's sword grazes his arm and he shoves Remus hard in the chest, knocking him over.

"Do you yield?"

"Never!" He springs back up and they're off again, but Roman keeps dancing out of the way. "How're you so fast? Have you been practicing without me?"

Roman falters and Remus jams his elbow into the soft part of Roman's ribs, knocking him off-balance just enough to swat the sword from his hand. The first raindrops start to fall as Roman lands on his side, Remus's morningstar about to aim for his chest when a leg trips him and suddenly Roman's got his sword back—how did that happen?—and Remus's weapon is flying across the field.

"How the fuck—?"

"Do you yield?"

Remus snarls playfully and jumps up, tackling Roman and knocking his sword away again. Roman responds instantly, grappling across the slowly-muddying field until they end up on their backs, Roman's arm holding Remus in a chokehold as the rain pours down on them.

"Do you yield?"

"Yeah, yeah," Remus gasps, "I fucking yield. Leggo."

Roman chuckles and lets him roll off, landing face first in a mud puddle. His muscles ache but only in the good way and he flops onto his back, smiling breathlessly at the sky.

"That was fucking amazing, Roro," he gasps, "you have been practicing, haven't you?"

"Just trying to keep up with you," comes Roman's answer, just a little too quickly.

Remus doesn't think anything of it.

2.

"Roman?"

"Hm?" Roman looks up from his spot in the corner of the living room, curled around his notebook. "Oh, hey, Padre. Is everything okay?"

Patton tilts his head. "Yeah, kiddo, why wouldn't it be?"

"Sorry, it's just, you know, everyone's been a little tense recently, what with…" Roman makes a vague gesture. "Everything. I shouldn't have assumed, though, I'm sorry."

Before Patton can ask if Roman's okay, Roman's settling his notebook to the side and standing up.

"What can I do for you?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to help me with dinner?"

An expression flickers across Roman's face, too quick to name, before he's smiling and bowing. "It would be my honor, lead the way."

At least he's alright enough for that. Patton goes over to the kitchen, Roman behind him, and reaches for the large pot at the back of the stove. "I was thinking we could try that new pasta dish that Virgil's been asking about? The one Thomas saw on that YouTube video?"

"The one with all the spices and garlic and stuff?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"I don't remember if we have all the ingredients we need, but I'm definitely down to try." Roman opens a cabinet and starts taking bottles down from the shelf. "We can also definitely tweak the recipe to make sure that we can do the important parts, we just have to be careful that—"

"Uh, Roman?"

Roman pauses, turning to look over his shoulder, still holding a jar. "Yeah?"

"I, uh, I did this last week, I know what spices we have. I figured this out, you don't have to tell me how to do it."

Again, that expression flickers over his face and he quickly sets down the jar and takes a big step away from the counter. "Right, right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I just wanted to—no, I'm not gonna make an excuse. I'm sorry, Patton, I'll listen."

"It's fine, kiddo, I know you didn't mean it." Patton holds out the pot. "Can you fill this with water?"

"Of course!"

They start prepping, Patton providing little instructions and Roman carrying them out. He chops the shallots, the green onions, and sets the sausage to the side to be cooked first. By the time they're ready to start the actual cooking, Patton's got the water boiling for the rice noodles when Roman looks over his shoulder.

"Um, what are you doing?"

"Cooking the noodles, that's it."

"But they're—sorry, aren't they supposed to be cooked later?"

"We need them ready to add to the rest of the stuff near the end, kiddo, so they have to be ready."

"But they only take a few minutes." When Patton frowns, just thinking Roman's words over, Roman hastily continues. "Sorry, I'm sure you know that already. Here, I'll, uh, would it be helpful if I got a bowl out to put them in once they're done?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."

He catches that expression on Roman's face again, and again it vanishes too quickly for him to ask about, but the rest of the cooking goes off without a hitch. They get a lot of compliments on how good everything tastes and Patton makes sure Roman gets as much of the praise as he does.

"I just listened to you," Roman demurs, "it's really all you."

"It seems not only have you cooked a spectacular dish," Logan observes, "but you've also taught Roman some humility."

Virgil snorts. "'Bout time."

Roman smiles as the rest of them laugh. Patton takes another bite. "This is even better than last time."

"Last time," Roman says quietly, "sorry, can you—when was last time?"

"Sheesh, Princey, how bad is your memory getting? It was just last week?"

"Last week, right."

Patton opens his mouth to ask why Roman still sounds unsure about it, but then Remus throws one of the prawn shells at Janus and he doesn't think about it anymore.

3.

"Easy, now," Roman murmurs, still stroking his hand up and down Virgil's spine, "that's it…you're doing really well, shadow-ling."

Virgil closes his eyes, resting against Roman's solid chest as the last of the panic attack bleeds from his veins. His breathing has yet to even out, but he can start to smell some of Princey's shampoo again, so he takes it as a win. He'll deny it later, but he turns his head to nuzzle into the crook of Roman's neck. Roman doesn't say a single thing, just shifting his grip to hold Virgil more securely in his lap.

"Hey," he says gently when Virgil headbutts his chin, "you here with me, bud?"

"Mmpf."

Roman's chuckle thrums warmly through his head. "I'll take that as a 'sort of.'"

Half of Virgil expects Roman to gently prod him into taking care of himself the rest of the way: getting him water, making him try and eat a little, getting him out of the gross and sweaty clothes into clean ones, even trying to talk him into taking a shower. And he'd do it, putting up his cursory protests, but that would mean that Roman's getting ready to leave and right now, in the last of the panic, he really wants Princey to stay.

He'd deny it if Roman ever asked him, of course, and he'd throttle Janus before he could chirp how much of a lie that was.

But Roman doesn't do that. Instead, he wraps his arms even more gently around Virgil and tucks him half over his shoulder, almost straddling his lap as one of his hands begins to card through his hair. Pressed chest to chest, he has to stifle another hitching gasp as Princey starts humming. It's a low and gentle tune, almost melancholy, and he swears it's some kind of magic as it reaches into the exhausted heap of emotions still swirling in his gut and starts coaxing it out of him.

Yeah, that means he goes back to crying into Princey's shoulder, but it's a softer cry that feels like he might actually feel better when it's over and he has no idea how Roman knows exactly what to do.

He's not gonna question it though.

There's no way the song Princey's humming is as long as he holds him for, so he must be doing it over and over, which just makes Virgil cry more because Roman is choosing to stay with him right now, he's choosing to let Virgil be a puddle of mess on his lap, and he's still running his fingers lightly over Virgil's back and yes, actually, Virgil would like to stay here forever.

When the tears eventually run out and Virgil's just floating there, in a really pleasant haze, he realizes that Roman isn't going to move until Virgil decides he wants to move. Not when he's just shifting so it's easier for Virgil to breathe, and he's still scratching gently along the space between his shoulder blades.

"…Princey?"

"Hm?"

"How'd…how'd you know what to do?"

Roman turns and noses Virgil's hair. "You told me, remember?"

Virgil's tired brain tries to figure out when he gave Roman the step-by-step on how to give him the best, most indulgent comfort ever and draws a blank. "No. I—when'd I do that?"

Roman's hand stutters for a moment, just a moment, but a moment nonetheless. "Maybe I just figured out why it took me so long to realize what you needed, then."

Talking is hard, and so Virgil doesn't do it, but he does think about it.

4.

"It's not that bizarre of an opinion, to be sure, but the way it's phrased speaks more of an incomplete understanding of the topic than they intended."

"No, I see your point. I mean, I know I'm definitely biased and reading sentences like that tends to make me defensive, but I know that, and I'm trying to work on it." Roman pinches the bridge of his nose. "I think it's just hard because when you make such sweeping generalizations that imply that you really don't know what it is you're talking about, it's hard for me to not be super defensive and stuff, does that make sense?"

"It's another area for you to work on—"

"Yeah, I know."

"—but I see your point. If someone doesn't come to the table in good faith, it's difficult to have good faith yourself." Logan sits back, still pondering the opinion piece in front of them. "Though it is clear they lack the same kind of expertise and knowledge that you do."

"I think that's also why it's hard for me—I can list, like, four different examples offhand that would disprove their point, and at least half a dozen more that show the contradictions they've made in the last paragraph alone—like, I'm not alone here, that part contradicts their point about pacing, doesn't it?"

"Not entirely, but yes, it lends an ambiguity to their earlier statement."

"Right." Roman rubs his forehead and flips through his notebook, brow furrowed. "I swear I remember when we talked about academic continuity, I just need to find that page."

Logan frowns. "When we what?"

Roman looks up, brow furrowed. "When we talked about…you know, the importance of making sure your argument—or your point, sorry—carries through your entire piece?"

"I don't recall that conversation."

"You, um—" Roman starts flipping through his notebook, his movements taking on an increasingly frenetic pace— "you brought one of my papers to me that we talked about and you started going through the um, the problems with the layout and we started talking about the importance of—I swear it's in here, I just need to find it."

Logan sits forward, his brow increasingly furrowing as Roman almost tears a page trying to turn it. "Roman, it's—"

"Here." Roman runs his finger down the page, still not meeting Logan's gaze, "we talked about how it's important to have a coherent theme that the reader can follow and how to acknowledge conflicting viewpoints without placing them in a hierarchy."

Logan blinks. That does sound like a conversation that he and Roman would have—one that he believes he'd rather enjoy—but he has no recollection of it. Roman's expression flickers when he says as much, something almost like panic rising in his gaze before it's quickly stifled.

"Well," he says, forcing a smile onto his face, "perhaps I was just reading it back over and imagined what you'd say."

"I quite like this imaginary version of me, then," Logan jokes, "he makes excellent points."

Roman's reaction is not quite a flinch, but his smile squeezes for a moment too long before he nods.

"Would you mind having it again," Logan asks, "for the sake of—?"

"Oh, I couldn't do it justice," Roman says a little too quickly, "but you, um, you can read it? If you want?"

Logan blinks again, surprise coloring his voice. "You'd let me read your notes?"

"…if…if you want to?"

Waiting for Roman to retract that invitation at any moment—he has never seen Roman fiercer than when something touches his notebooks—Logan reaches out and carefully starts to read. The conversation's transcript—or summary—is fascinating. He finds himself almost mourning the fact that this wasn't a conversation he'd actually had. Although some of the comments that he can tell are his are a touch more callous than he'd prefer, he finds himself engrossed in their dialogue until he gets to the latter half.

Roman's handwriting grows sloppy, as it is wont to do when he gets caught up, but there are occasional splotches of discoloration where it looks like something wet.

"Oh, I was drinking something," Roman says offhandedly when Logan asks, "must've spillled."

"I'm surprised you'd drink around your notebooks, you take such care of them."

"Well, you know me."

Before Logan can point out that he does, that's why he's confused, Roman's saying that he's sorry, but he's a little worn out, would Logan mind terribly if they cut this short a bit? Logan shakes his head and watches Roman pick up his notebook, walking out of his room. That moment of panic lingers in his mind and he frowns, wondering why Roman had panicked.

He thinks about that and the drops of liquid that had obscured a line in Roman's handwriting that just said cut.

5.

Janus hears Roman lie over and over again and he's about to break something.

Every time, he has to hold back his visible surprise that one, Roman is lying so readily, and two, that he's getting away with it. The little prince is a better actor than Janus gave him credit for—than any of them gave him credit for, as it's turning out—and the more times it happens, the more Janus thinks that something right under their noses is going terribly, horribly wrong.

The lies aren't big enough for them to be problems on their own, but they stack on top of each other like pebbles until it feels as though Janus blinks one day and there's a wall between Roman and the rest of them that seems insurmountable. And each time another adds to the mass, he thinks about calling it out, but they're never for something so serious as to warrant a full interrogation and the last thing he wants to do is let Roman know he's suspicious of him.

…it sounds much worse than it is.

It's just that if Roman is this good about keeping everyone off his tail right now, with almost no baseline suspicion or cause for concern, he has no desire to see what would happen if Roman was intent on keeping it a secret. And if he is going to succeed in uncovering why Roman feels so fundamentally scared, something Virgil only admitted after Janus had poked and prodded him for far too long, then he needs all of the rest of them on his side too.

His opportunity comes unexpectedly.

They're having a meeting—not a meeting meeting, they're just talking about what they want to do this weekend—and Roman brings up a conversation they'd had about making sure movie nights were comfortable for everyone. Talking about possible triggers beforehand, making sure everyone had equal access to whatever snacks they wanted, even down to making sure everyone behaved considerately while the movie was playing to ensure everyone was having a good time.

A perfectly reasonable thing to bring up, except that conversation never happened.

"What?" Roman looks around. "Are—it did, I swear. We were—we were getting ready to watch the second Venom movie and Remus brought up the body horror and gore that happens and we started talking about—"

He looks around at them all again.

"Do…do none of you remember this?"

"No, kiddo."

"Not really."

"It would be a good conversation to have, but I don't remember this instance of it."

Remus and Janus just shake their heads, Janus keeping his eyes on Roman as he fiddles with his hands.

Don't lie, Roman, please.

"Sorry," Roman says, flashing a bright smile, "must be getting lost in my Imagination again."

Janus narrows his eyes—not technically a lie, but Roman's leaving something out. For a moment, it seems like the conversation will keep flowing and he'll have to wait for a better time to ask Roman what's wrong, but then Patton's speaking up.

"Kiddo?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

Roman laughs. "Yeah, of course, Padre, why wouldn't I be?"

Lie. Janus hisses softly and Roman's head jerks around.

"What's the matter," Logan asks, and Roman jerks again at the gentle tone, "will you talk to us, Roman?"

"You've been acting a little strange for a while now," Patton agrees, taking a step closer, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah, like I said," Roman tries, a smile still sort of on his face, "everything's fine, why are you—"

Janus hisses again as Virgil sits up. "Princey, you don't have to be scared, you can—"

"I'm not scared!"

The stronger lie sears across Janus's tongue as Roman winces at the force of his own shout. He pinches the bridge of his nose. No one dares move for several long seconds. Just when Logan looks like he's about to say something, Roman takes a deep breath and lowers his head.

"I'm sorry," he says in a voice that sounds so mournful it makes Janus's chest ache, "I didn't mean to shout or snap at you. You didn't deserve it, I'm sorry. I think I—I've just been spending too much time in the Imagination again."

As soon as he finishes talking, he braces. Like he's expecting to get hit. He hears Remus make a worried noise next to him, starting to reach out.

"Little one," Logan says gently, "we're not angry with you, there's no need for all of that."

Roman's eyes snap open and at the look of pure confusion on his face, a few more of them let out little sounds. Virgil stands up and Roman turns too quickly to face him.

"Hey, Princey," Virgil soothes, his hands up, "I'm not moving, okay? I'm just worried. You're—I can feel you freaking out a little that's all."

"Sweetheart," Patton calls next and Janus winces at how much Roman's neck keeps snapping back and forth, "sweetheart, it's okay, you're safe, it's gonna be okay."

"Back off a bit, we're crowding him."

All of them—except for Remus—take a step back. Remus edges closer and closer to Roman until he can rest a hand on Roman's shoulder. Roman just trembles and Remus cups the side of his face.

"Hey, Roro. Look at me. Just at me, okay?"

"I don't—this wasn't—"

"Breathe," Remus bids softly, and Roman draws a few gasping breaths.

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

"What wasn't?"

"This—I—I don't—"

Remus opens his mouth to say something else when it morphs into a wordless sound of surprise as Roman sinks out abruptly, leaving him scrabbling at the empty air as the rest of them rush forward.

"What happened?"

"Where'd he go?"

"Did we do something to upset him?"

"What's going on?"

Janus doesn't say anything, still staring at the spot where Roman had been. He thinks about all of the lies he's heard, all of the things Roman hasn't said, and how out of all of the things Roman lied about, he'd never lied about being lost in the Imagination.

A conclusion starts to take shape.

+1.

"No wonder you've been so off, your head hasn't been attached to you since you lost it."

"It's a bad idea to spend so much time in the Imagination, Roman, you know that."

"That sounds really irresponsible, Roman. You should know better."

"Quit hogging the Imagination, I need to use it too."

"Oh, of course you were, Roman, did you honestly think we'd expected anything different?"

"You need to be better disciplined, if you can't get the work done you need to before deciding to go off and play."

"Sheesh, Princey, are you really that selfish?"

"If it's getting so bad that you're having delusions, then you need to stop, kiddo."

"Oh, no, Roman's having trouble understanding what's real again."

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"You're being dramatic, pull yourself together."

"Your crocodile tears aren't convincing anyone, you know."

"Stop crying, you're not a baby."

"Do you think that if you throw a big or pathetic enough tantrum, it'll get us to spoil you? Grow up."

"Stupid."

"Ridiculous."

"Pathetic."

"Annoying."

"Worthless."

"You can't do anything right."

"You're being ridiculous."

"We should never have relied on you."

"I knew you couldn't handle it."

"We're better off without you."

Roman curls up around his pillow, wedging himself deeper into the corner. He jams his face between it and the wall. He tries to keep his hands out of sight. He counts in his head as he breathes, trying to keep it as even as possible. Eventually it will be over. He just has to last until then. Then he can go to his room and cuddle his plushie dragon and be upset there, out of the way, and hurt all by himself. It's safer that way.

He keeps his breathing nice and steady, letting the hurt course through him. The voices keep going, taunting, mocking, yelling, scolding, until they start to just say his name over and over. Roman, Roman, Roman, Roman—

"Roman!"

Something like a frenzied scream comes from behind him and he turns his face deeper into the wall.

"What the fuck are those things?"

"Shit, how long have those been here?"

"Are they—are they supposed to be us?"

"Yeah, fucked up and cruel versions of us, not on my fucking watch!"

Several wet splats come from behind him and then there are hands on his shoulder, running through his hair, and someone that feels like Remus is murmuring in his ear.

"Hey, Roro, it's over. I destroyed them, they're gone, it's the real us. We're here, we're really here, just—just come out of there, okay?"

Oh. It's this one.

He always finds this one the cruelest, where they lure him in with promises of comfort and safety only to turn on him when he reveals what he's actually upset about. No, thank you, he's hurting just fine on his own.

"Roro, please, come out of there, it's okay, it's all gonna be okay."

"Let me try," he hears Logan's voice say, and then the Remus is moving away and there's another hand on his shoulder, "dear, it's alright. You're going to give yourself neck pain if you stay like that, come here…"

Despite his chest howling at him not to, Roman lets Logan coax him out from the corner. Each word of gentle praise just makes it worse—it's going to hurt so much when they start being mean again.

"Princey—" and there's Virgil— "hey, stay with us, okay? Just focus on us, Pat, do you want to—"

"I got it."

Despite himself, a wounded noise leaves Roman's throat as a blanket gets draped over his shoulders. Careful touches smooth it down, more hands helping to secure it in place, and he just curls up so small under it so he doesn't get used to the warmth.

Just get it over with. Just get it over with. Just get it over with.

"Sweetie," he hears, and flinches at the touch of a smooth hand and a scaled hand on his face.

Wait, what?

Janus never takes his gloves off. Not here. Not like this. They can't—they can't be this cruel to him, not today, not when everything already hurts so much.

"Cut," he manages, "cut."

But the hands don't leave and he looks up to see Janus, actual real Janus looking at him and then he smiles softly and calls him sweetie again, and then Logan is appearing over his shoulder and Patton's adjusting the blanket and Virgil and Remus are keeping watch at the corners of the room and—and—and—

"Come here, sweetie," Janus murmurs and he's falling into his chest and there's a kiss being pressed to his temple and it's warm and soft and—

"Shh, Princey," Virgil says as a thread of panic starts to wind its way around his chest, "it's okay, you're okay," and—

"Come this way a little," Logan coaxes as something soft appears under him, "come lie down, you're alright," and—

"There you are," Patton's voice says as something starts to cuddle him, gently yet firmly and it's so surreal and—

"Oh, Roro," Remus mumbles as his brother's arms wrap firmly around him, "this is real, I promise, I promise we're here with you, everything's gonna be okay, okay? We're here, we're real, you're real, everything's gonna be okay now," and—

—and then Roman doesn't think anymore.

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[deathonthe]

mona lisa's smile | 1418

pairing: fernando/lance

rating: teen and up

word count: ~7000

tags: pre-relationship, 2021 season, non-driver lance au

summary:

Two-time world champion. Robbed from his third. A villain’s making—a slow descent from glory, trajectory fixed on an unfulfilling end. Back from his sabbatical. Fernando Alonso.

director's cut:

don't let my ramblings influence ur interpretation of the fic!

these are my notes/reflection on the fic. they don't have to be urs. different minds can come to different conclusions that are equally fantastic!

mona lisa's smile is supposed to disappear when u view her directly, but out of ur peripheral, she is always smiling mysteriously (eerily). i thought it was fitting given the characterisation of lance and the facade he kinda keeps up in the fic

my obvious issue is that since it is an incomplete fic, the focus on lance and esteban's friendship overshadowed his developing one with fernando

i thought the risotto scene was corny, i'm glad people liked it

yes, it's written so that u can't really tell if someone's talking about something or somehow implying it or thinking it

i'm impartial to when people portray lance as having daddy issues and lawrence being a bad father. obviously i don't know jackshit about lance's relationship with his dad, but i wanted to depict it in a positive light this time around

whether or not scotty was going behind chloe's back with daniel is up to u. i couldn't decide whether he would or wouldn't so i left it vague

i don't know shit about ice hockey. i had to google who the canadiens were. they're not mentioned more because i couldn't be stuffed doing more research

i back read way too many articles about lawrence buying racing point, because i thought the dts portrayal was a bit inaccurate

lance and esteban do speak french when they're together so i'm glad i at least got that part of their characterisation correct

i actually started taking duolingo lessons for french because of this fic

the style is choppy on purpose because i hate grammar and tense

the line of 'offers security physically in the only way he knows how' is not implying that lance fucks este. i think lance often grabbing parts of himself to kinda subconsciously reassure himself, i tried to transfer that vibe into his friendship with esteban

to be clear, fernando does not give a shit about lance really until he meets him again when lance is like 20/21

the part that goes 'lance had watched from the grandstands that day. the crowd roared. he hadn't thought much of it' was actually regarding fernando's abu dhabi retirement donuts, and not him winning in spain in 2013

if misappropriating classical writing in my trashy fics was a crime, i would be on death row

at this point, it is not clear whether fernando is approaching lance as part of his El Plan or if he's genuinely interested in him

re: esteban and pierre possibly both being in renault. hindsight is a beautiful thing

fernando's "we are like lions. podiums soon" is another reference to the iliad. i wasn't sure if the implication was strong enough

i was originally going to scrap the 'must've misheard italian for indian' line because i wasn't sure if it would offend people

in the risotto scene, sebastian is actually oblivious as to what's happening. he's not pretending to be. he is fully unaware

my most despised line in this fic is: a son of a billionaire he may be, but a waster of food he is not. i think it's too cheesy and doesn't fit with the style of the fic. looking back now, i'm not sure why i kept it

i think the 'lance's lack of passion' character choice stems a lot from how f1 fans think lance is somehow detached from the sport and doesn't really care for it as much as, let's say, fernando or max, who are always very clearly enthusiastic about racing. it's probably also got something to do with lance's 'monotonous voice' that people like to complain about. it's ok, though, because lance is plenty expressive in his face and body language

fernando's post-race interview after his bahrain dnf is an amalgamation of some of the actual post-race interviews he's given

my favourite line in this fic is: Un jour, vous en ferez l'expérience. Cela fait battre votre cœur pour la première fois et votre cœur ne cessera de battre après. too bad it had to be in french

the ass-tap was inspired by the video of fernando congratulating lance after lance got p3 in the wet qualifying for brazil 2023 (i believe, need to double check on that)

the aston engineer is 100% suspicious about lance and fernando

thanks for putting urself through all of that!

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 4 HALF vs. MAGIC

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for HALF:

kazui may just be an old gay man but HE CAN SING.

its. literally stunning.

like aside from his character and everything else, half is just really really beautifully written

THE INSTRUMENTALS.

HIS V O I C E??? its so pretty

heartbreaking lyrics. i dont love kazui as a character but i have bawled to half

GAY RIGHTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love amane but she will undoubtedly win when her purge march poll rolls around, so lets let the old man have a win shall we?

---

half propaganda let's goooo sorry i'm sobern't in true kazui style so this probably won't make a bit of sense

theatre kid man. i love him, incredible mv.

this song is pure ASMR to me

visually aligned with Cat and it's so lovely to see that continuity

the GRAINY MOVIE DOTS THING ON THE MV <3

kazui is so dramatic. i love him i love him

dapper gentleman. such clothes

the key change is so well done

AND THE . THE PART WITH THE. THE ENDING SORT OF LYRICS OVERLAID WITH SPEAKING. and then his quieter singing and, and, and o h my god. im sorry. im not very coherent abt this rn

every part of the song is amazing but once it gets to the key change and after it keeps stepping up the amount of being perfect

kazui is in it

um

kazui is in it

go my psionic warriors vote for everyone's favourite failhusband

no children were tortured in the making of this MV (cough looking at You magic)

---

Allow me to present my Half propaganda!

- The slower tempo adds a very relaxing feeling to the song. Kinda ironic, but I like it! It sort of reminds of old indie songs from 2012 (especially with what I think is whistling added in the instrumental in-between chorus and verses.)

- Kazui’s voice. Enough said.

- It’s very easy to listen to, and I find it’s one of the only songs from Milgram that I like to listen to out of context (besides After Pain, Backdraft, and Purge March, oddly enough.)

- The MV is rife with imagery, and is used to beautiful effect. It really makes you feel for Kazui and his situation.

- The scene with him and Hinako before the key change… that makes me so emo.

- The overlapping part at the end… the lyrics combined with the dialogue in the background makes me really sad in a way I can’t explain.

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

[nevarroes]

re: the roofie disaster > how much does gortash know about cas' past? His reaction would be super interesting to me since he seems to put him on such a pedestal

tbh so... Cas did tell him he was an incubus but that was about it at first😩

when they had that whole museum night scene at the very beginning and Gortash told him that he knows that he's a cambion and not just some Tiefling Cas did reveal a little bit about his past like... that he was an incubus that worked for Mephistopheles before he was disgraced but he always made it sound very err , glorious tbh. Made it sound like he was willingly working there, willingly being the #1 killer and seducer for Mephistopheles' organization and stuff, just left out anything that could seem like a weakness basically

Gortash... I think he found this very intriguing if not alluring even honestly. Sometimes I see him as very "just some man" core , like "damn bet he fucks good" first thought, sorry to say😭😭😭 But yeah with just this knowledge I think Gortash was rather impressed, if anything, and I don't see Gortash as the type that's jealous about stuff in the past (like Cas is) so it was just left at that

anyways so the actual reveal, like when Cas really opened up to him about what happened (though he still made it seem WAY less horrible than it was but Gortash could tell atp) was after the roofie disaster scene actually. Cas kinda just... disappeared off the face of the earth for a few weeks after that with Gortash ignoring half his duties to track his ass down just to find him im some abandoned diabolist's place where Cas nonstop killed people and trained. smth smth tried really hard to prove to himself that his bodily autonomy and strength can't actually be taken away that easily and that he's still the same man as before

they talked about it here and Cas did (obviously) forgive him and revealed his whole past to him. I think it was in a very snappy "You should've been able to figure this out yourself when I told you I was an incubus" manner since Cas fucking hates bringing up his past because of him seeing everything that happened to him as a weakness (In a way where he's like "maybe if I was stronger as a child I would've been free"). To me Gortash was rather surprised to know this because well, yeah... Cas was and did always portray himself as this picture perfect man that can't be affected or shaken by anything. But they were already rather close at this point and while it probably crossed Gortash's thoughts at first how Cas might have kept this from him I think the main reaction this had was Gortash actually seeing them as more similar than he thought before with the whole... troubled children in the Nine Hells thing. In the end I think it rather emphasized how he already felt about Cas before which is you know, the only one that is worth his time and trust and the only one that can live up to him

[ranchycowgirllover]

Alright so I made a Stella Re-Design, this post ‘ill be kinda long cuz I wanna explain things and such

My main problems with this design are 1- Details that are unneeded that lead to inconvenience in the animation department (like seriously watch scenes with her and focus on her lashes) 2- This outfit isn’t very regal, I’m guessing the bottom of the dress is supposed to resemble feathers idk it just doesn’t look good.

Alright so we have that out of the way, I have made a few different possible re designs. You’ll see the one I prefer at the end.

This one I tried to keep more in line with the original pink princess theme. Simplified the dress and hair (I imagine that her hair can fluff up when she’s angry) and I replaced the dark purple with a maroon. I also made her hair white. This way the only purple is her make up which should cause you to look at her face more.

This one is a more evil Queen inspired Stella, used the purple as a main dress color, I gave her green/blue eyes and grey hair which she had in the pilot. The eyes are help tell her apart from her husband, and the hair change is to make her look older and more regal. I changed the style of dress now she looks less little girl costume princess. (No hate to princess peach)

This is a younger Stella design that I did. My canon is that she was dressed this way as to appeal more to Stolas.

Now this is the final design that I chose. The purple is for royalty, I did away with the dark purple as to make her look less threatening. And the dress is rococo era inspired just because I those dresses no real reason

I also did a design for her brother.

His changes were simplify his outfit, and the other stuff like his hair were changed to match his redesigned sister

Alright so that’s all the art. The rest of the this is just going to be me ranting and raving about her character.

Okay so I think we should acknowledge how fucked Stella’s situation is. She’s in an arranged marriage and her only purpose in hells society was to give birth to an heir.

Stolas and her brother are shown to have magic powers, and Stolas we know he has princely duty’s so we can assume the same for her brother. Stella doesn’t have any of these she was meant to be a baby a maker. Even her name Stella compliments Stolas’s role as star prince or whatever.

Now in the first episode of season 2 we have Stella making fun of her husband how he’s bad in bed and how she’s glad she doesn’t have to fuck him because she’s given birth. I think this is Viv’s attempt at making this situation seem less fucked up.

I don’t even know it just makes me really uncomfortable that this very feminine woman in a shitty situation is being vilified. Like if I was in Stella’s situation I’d probably have anger issues too. I’m just so tired of being told that feminine outrage and displays of anger make us monstrous bitches.

Now obviously Stolas being forced into a loveless marriage also sucks and is an awful situation for him too. But he’s not that much better than Stella. Both are shown to be physically abusive to the castle staff, and Stella for all her faults isn’t black mailing someone into sex.

Now having two shitty people wouldn’t bother me if the narrative didn’t bend over backwards to make Stolas seem like such good guy, just an uwu gay bean. His wife is SO mean she won’t let the gay people be happy 🥺. Also painting abusers as cartoonishly evil monsters does a disservice to people who have been abused is all I’m saying.

Anyways I’ll hopefully have a Stolas Redesign up next

Bye now

[lunar-years]

THESE TAGS YES.

i loooove jamiekeeley (whichever way u wanna read that) however i think jamie was firmly over her in a romantic way by then. also re roy i just think of that one post like “everything is about football except for jamie except jamie is actually about keeley. but keeley is also about jamie so.”

and then we kinda cement royjamie’s relationship as positive with roy forgiving jamie and by the end 100% they are friends. roy getting close to jamie and being vulnerable with him and then saying he’s proud of him only to follow with “btw back off from keeley”….. [jamie voice] ok! awesome! i feel so great about myself and whatever we have going on. which is fucking nothing. apparently. cuz u were just buttering me up

this is so poorly written and nothing no one hasn’t already said. i just needed to rant -_- and then roy comes out looking like the bad guy but he’s literally not. he’s just repressed & even with keeley being the one to choose she’s still just a prop. which ok tbf with rj i can see how that happens ngl,, but that doesn’t mean i have to like it LOL

Me forced to look at my own spelling /grammar errors because its so annoying to add tags on this damn tumblr app 🫣 *roy springS

Anyway YEAH!! The only thing I don’t agree with you about is that I do very much think Jamie is still in love with Keeley romantically in the finale and I think he was being genuine to Roy when he told him as such. I just also think he’s in love Roy!

To me that scene is entirely about royjamie rather than keeley at its core. The whole reason Roy arranges it is because he loves keeley and wants to get back with her but he also loves Jamie (and probably doesn’t realize it yet, but DOES know he can’t stand the thought of Jamie not being in his life). he’s downright terrified being with keeley is going to change his relationship with Jamie and he quite essentially Can’t Deal With That. So he’s trying to preemptively tell Jamie how it’s going to be, because it NEEDS to be that way in Roys head since he wants to have both Keeley AND jamie as part of his life and this is the only way he can see himself getting that. He’s not intentionally trying to hurt Jamie (well, up until Jamie rightfully pushes back and Roy gets egotistical and pissy about it!). I think he really thinks he’s doing the right thing and being the bigger person by asking Jamie to back off?? Which is obviously so absurd and misguided but also so very Roy. Of course it doesn’t go well because he’s a repressed AND entitled asshole about it and thereby hurts Jamie in the process. But like. I think the intentions were warped but coming from a good place?

Meanwhile from Jamie’s POV he thought he was having literally the best day of his life, where crush #1 Keeley agreed (and was extremely excited about) going to Brazil with him AND crush #2 Roy finally asked him to hang out outside of training!! On possibly a date!!! And then he’s telling Jamie he’s PROUD of him, which is like, literally what Jamie has been waiting to hear from him!! Jamie must fully think he’s dreaming because DAMN. But then Roy (seemingly randomly) pivots to talking about Keeley and acting like his relationship with her was so much more Important and Real than Jamie’s (which. It wasn’t. Not in Jamie’s mind, certainly). I think Jamie is SO hurt because he thought he and Roy were really friends on the verge of more and then Roy instead decided to like. Be a giant dick again! Out of nowhere! So Jamie says what he says to hurt him back just as much.

It’s about keeley but it’s not about keeley, if you will. And the lines are all crossed.

Which is to say, I don’t hate that scene as much as most people. I think it actually exemplifies (in the messiest way imaginable) how deeply royjamie care about each other and how goddamn terrible they are at successfully communicating it to each other, let alone learning how to navigate those feelings together.

I do hate that Keeley lacks onscreen agency in her big “choice,” because there really IS no choice with royjamie behaving like that (though I think she’d have turned them both down regardless). And her telling them as much happens offscreen with no follow up!! Which sucks!!

[scarletwinterxx]

sit down with doyoung

helllooo and we're back with another sit down scenarioooo. glad you like this format i tried out😅 hope you like this oneee🤍🤍

If you want me to make more of this with the other members just let me know😅 or you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

The scene starts with two vacant chairs in front of the camera. Then two people walk in, sitting right next to each other.

"Okay, welcome. Can you introduce yourselves please" someone from behind the camera says

"Hello! I'm Kim Y/N, and this is my husband Kim Dongyoung" you smile at the camera, gesturing to the man sitting beside you

"Just Doyoung, Hello everyone" Doyoung bows at the camera after greeting

: How long have you been married?

"Almost two years" you answer, "It will be our second anniversary next week, actually" Doyoung adds, smiling shyly.

He hears you giggle beside him, reaching over to hold his hand in yours before continuing with the interview

: Then how long have the two of you been together as a couple?

"4 years, we married kinda fast. But I knew I wanted to marry him so I asked him. I just couldn't wait" you joked, eliciting laughter from your audience

"I asked her, she asked me jokingly like she asked me one random night. At that point we've talked about it a few times. I kept thinking she was hinting something"

"You're saying that like I made you ask me" you pout at him, making Doyoung chuckle. Giving your hip a playful pinch

"I already had a ring for you. I thought you saw it that's why you kept mentioning it"

"Could've been a promise ring for all I know" you shrug

: How did the two of you meet?"

"His brother was my senior at work, Doyoung thought we were dating then we met at dinner one time. I was so awestruck of him the first time we met I got shy and didn't get to ask for his number" you tell the camera

Meanwhile Doyoung listens to you fondly with a smile on his face. The memory still fresh in his mind like it was yesterday

"I asked my brother if she was his girlfriend, when he said no I asked for her number. When I texted her asking her if she wanted to get coffee, she didn't reply to me" Doyoung adds, piquing the interest of the crew members

"I didn't reply for 3 days cause I got nervous and didn't know what to say. Then we saw each other again at the company when he picked his brother up. He thought I was avoiding him but really I was just shy"

: Then how did the two of you talked again?

This time Doyoung answered first, "My brother called her, offering her a ride home. But it was my car, I was the one driving. He even made some excuse about having an emergency meeting so in the end it was only me and her"

He can still remember that day, you were blushing so much he thought you were having a heat stroke from how red your face was. He blasted the AC in the car for you.

"We finally got coffee together before he drove me home" you said

: How did you know they were the one for you?

You play with the wedding band on Doyoung's fingers, thinking of the exact moment you knew

"I forgot my umbrella at home one time, he usually pick me up after work but that day we decided to meet at a different location. When I got there I was drenched head to toe. He scolded me so much, like all the way home. All while he was nagging, he was also taking care of me. Gave his jacket to me, then when we got to his place he immediately got a towel and made hot tea for me" you look at your husband's eyes, smiling fondly at him

"I knew I wanted that for the rest of my life"

He smiles at you, picking up your intertwined hands to kiss the back of yours before resting it back on your lap

"You know the funny thing is she didn't forget her umbrella. She gave it to me like a few days before. I dropped her off at her office and it was raining hard. She gave me her umbrella because she knows I like to buy my lunch at the store across the street from where I work" Doyoung remarks

"She's thoughtful like that, she gave her umbrella to me even though she didn't have anything to use. I knew I was going to love her for a long time and there was no way I was letting her go but she does do that a lot, make my headache and make me nag at her" he adds with a laugh

"Well I knew you were going to pick me up so" you reasoned out

: Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years?

"I don't really know, to be honest. I live each day as it is. I work hard everyday to be the man worthy for her. I want to be there for her, always give her the support, love and care she needs. I don't really need anything else as long as I'm with her" he says

"Me too, maybe someday we'll have kids. We've definitely talked about it. Maybe two, atleast. I love watching his relationship with his family, with his brother. I want that for our future kids too"

Doyoung watches you answer. It's like with every word you say he just falls even more inlove with you. Already it's like he's living a fairytale everyday when he's with you. Thinking about one day having kids with you, raising humans that is part you and him warms his heart even more.

: Okay, that's all. Thank you so much for sharing your time and your story with us, Mr. and Mrs. Kim. Anything else you want to say?

"When we come back for the next interview in the future, we'll bring our kids with us" you tell the camera with a big smile

"You sound so sure, honey. What if they invite us again next year?" Doyoung asks jokingly

"I mean we can make it work right?" you ask back, he knows you're messing with him. He's used to you joking with him all the time.

"We'll see you soon" he says to the camera with one final bow and you do the same

AND CUT

[yuebings]

fic writer meme

thank u @fruitdaze @uhuraisgay @cairoscene @englishsub for tagging me!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

44 currently! double 4s? during MY lunar new year? i gotta change that up quick

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

315,042 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

my most written-for fandom is mdzs, but i don't really write for it anymore...if you look at my ao3 profile u can kinda tell i'm a sporadic one-and-done type when it comes to fic hehe no one can predict where i'll go next. my latest fandom is jujutsu kaisen!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

so you've been robbed by a musuem

the stone-filled sea

the family-dodging bathroom-dwellers association

and his wanting grows teeth

diving blind

it's like a wangxian sweep except for the last sambucky lol

5. Do you respond to comments?

i am trying to get better at that! sometimes i don't have the energy to go through and respond to every single one but trust me when i say that seeing the wonderful comments people leave truly makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

tbh i don't think i've ever written straight-up angsty endings (or at least the way i see straight up angst). every 'bad' ending has a ray of hope in it, or at least an acceptance that like...yes, this is the way it was meant to be, and to reject the outcome would be to reject everything that came before it. sometimes things were meant to go to shit. there was no other way to go. we were doomed but at least we loved each other. i will suffer but at least i can remember you. so on so forth.

with all that said, it's a toss up between the longest journey (di feijing & lei chun), or all things in pain (wen ning character study). 'angsty' endings, if only in the way i described above

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

a lot of my happy endings aren't super-sweet happy endings per se, but rather a promise or hope that things will get better. idk what that says about me lol like maybe i have more interest in the "how to become happy" part than the actual happiness itself...? but ANYWAY i'd say the sappiest ending is i have is uhhhh feel like a brand new person (msr take edibles together) because 1) their mutual attraction is finally acknowledged 2) they're making out 3) they're high as balls. what's better than this

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not any time recently! i've rarely had negative comments before and all of them have been of such a ridiculous nature that my only response was like "lmfao ok"

9. Do you write smut?

nope! not yet, at least. maybe some time in the future i'll feel like it

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

haven't written any, don't really read them either! i keep my blorbos locked up in their separate cages. siloed.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes! kind of. if this counts, a couple years ago someone on wattpad stole over 100 wangxian fics (including mine) from ao3 and reposted them onto their own account without credit. we got their account taken down tho so all is well...but this is why i say in my ao3 profile that i do not allow reposts. please tell me if u ever see my work reposted anywhere........

i've also come across a fic in a diff fandom that was VERY clearly "inspired" by one of mine (lifting certain scenes and lines beat for beat) and gave no credit. so there's that as well.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! it's always an honor when someone wants to translate my work :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! my creative process is so erratic that i feel like i'd be a nightmare to co-write with, so this is probably for the better

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

this is a hard question to answer. i don't have an ultimate favorite that always stays at the top of the pile, cuz my interests change all the time! right now i'm really enjoying platonic yuuji & megumi & nobara & gojo. in terms of what i go to most often when i want a comfort re-read...finnpoe.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

omg. you want a DEEP CUT? i have a wip for a rarepair in an already sparse fandom...yeongshin/seobi from kingdom on netflix (the historical korean zombie drama). i LOOOOVE that show i comfort re-watch it all the time. i love their bonded-thru-trauma-frenemies healer/warrior dynamic and i have this wip going for yeongshin getting bitten and seobi developing a zombification-reversal cure through sheer willpower and spite alone........there's maybe 2k written and i was relying on a season renewal announcement to motivate me enough to get the rest of it out but uh. fellow kingdom warriors if you're out there. i think we may be losing this battle............kingdom season 3 announcement save me..............

16. What are your writing strengths?

as a haver-of-siblings, i think i do general family dynamics pretty well! someone has told me in the past that i am good at packing meaning into very few words. i also think i'm good at angsty emotional beats (i sure like writing them, at least)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

bro if there is any action scene in my work, writing it is like pulling teeth. what do you mean he's getting hit. what do you mean i have to think of an interesting way to describe punch #1 and punch #2 and punch #3. STOPPPPPPPP I CANT DO THIS.

in terms of technique i used to struggle with this thing where i NEED to perfect the writing i'm working on before i can move on. like i'd waste huge amounts of time rewriting a three sentence paragraph over and over and over again until it was perfect before i could move onto the next scene. i'm getting a lot better with that tho!

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i've never done it myself, like, full on written-in-a-diff-lang dialogue, but i think it's cool as long as context clues/some form of translation is provided. and if proper research is done if the writer isn't a native speaker

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the man from uncle (2015). lol. napollya could have won in an alternate universe where armie h@mmer wasn't a piece of shit

20. Favorite fic you have written?

HOO. i gotta say it's my sambucky ghost fic the boy who cried ghost. it's by far my longest fic (even tho it isn't actually very long compared to others ive seen LOLLLL) and it took me AGES to write and ended up being quite personal!! part of the reason it took me so long to finish was bc i couldn't bear to write about sam struggling with grief/guilt when i was also going through something similar, so when i finally got around to writing the moment of catharsis i kinda felt like i was helping myself, too! which was a very interesting experience, and definitely served to lodge this fic in my heart forever and ever. it's not exactly popular but i'm proud of it :)

tagging @tantai-jin @bluecrystalrainingdaggers @vinelark and anyone else who wants to participate!