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graceloveswolves · 4 years

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Insatiable Pt3

Okay so I wasn’t planning on making a part 3 originally but I just love this idea so much so here you guys go!

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Today was the day.

I was standing with my mate Resmond. He had on a suit, and I had worn a red sparkly dress, it stopped above my knees and had a loose and open back, resting against my hips. Clara had picked it out for me, she always had such better taste in clothes then I have had.

“The venue is lovely, kind of a shame we didn’t have a huge wedding don’t you think?” Res had envied, looking around at the snow covered ground, the landscape was breath taking. I looked at the winter wonderland themed wedding, it looked like something out of a movie. Everything was perfectly placed, not a single flaw in the setting.

“No. Our wedding was perfect. It was special.” I disagreed, taking his hand and wrapping it around my shoulders. I stood on my tiptoes, and whispered against his ear.

“But if you want to redo our wedding night I have no complaints here.” I felt him stiffen as he looked down at me, raising his eyebrow with a surprised smirk plastered on his face. “That was very bold of you. Don’t tempt me love, Clara’s been dying to throw another wedding.” He replied, eyeing the curious blonde across the venue, that was talking to Irinia-one of the Denali sisters.

I smiled at the sight, she always was good at making new friends. I let my gaze wander, taking it the different crowds of vampires from around the world. Suddenly I stiffened, my icy heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. I felt as if I was going to puke, which wouldn’t be possible but none the less.

I had accidentally made eye contact with a familiar pixie that I would’ve known anywhere.

“Oh no.” I gasped, dropping my gaze to the ground beneath me as I saw her making her way towards me. Resmond had put two and two together, letting his arm fall from my shoulders and pushing me behind him.

“That’s close enough.” Resmond demanded, however not phasing Alice in the slightest. Then without a single beat, a familiar cowboy had made his presence near Alice.

“Jasper. Alice.” I stated their names, pulling Res back a few steps, as a signal that everything was okay. I felt unusually calm, no doubt in my mind that Jasper had been using his mojo on all of us. “This is my mate, Resmond. Res, this is Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale, they are from my old coven.” I introduced the pair, glad that the tension was slowly fading.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Jasper had politely nodded towards Resmond, who seemed calm and collected now. “Well, Im going to find Clinton. He’s no doubt already in some sort of trouble. I’ll leave you to catch up with your friends. If you need me...” he trailed off, already knowing that I knew the drill.

“Yes, have fun.” I dismissed Resmond, he was not good at making new friends, and I didn’t expect him to want to get to know the family I had left behind. Once he was gone, I had looked at my old sister.

“Well...Aren’t you going to give me a hug?” Alice asked, opening her arms up to me. I smiled, practically jumping into her arms. I had felt such bliss, reuniting with Alice. She had always had such a bubbly and happy personality. Once I had broken from her grasp, I turned to Jasper, who also given me a quick but loving hug.

“How have you guys been? I’m sorry I have been such a stranger. It’s just with everything that happened with...” I couldn’t bring myself to say his name aloud. Thought I already knew I didn’t have to. “We have been good, we have been in Ithaca for awhile. Jasper’s enrolled as a philosophy student and Carlisle works nights.” Alice said, shocking me.

“You left Forks?” I questioned the short pixie in front of me, I wondered if that’s why Carlisle was looking for me. Maybe he didn’t want to leave me behind in case I had decided to come back. But why? They had such a perfect set up in Forks. They should be leaving until another few years. Then the realization had hit me, they must’ve gotten in trouble with the human, why else had they flee from a perfectly normal town.

“Yes. Edward hadn’t wanted to stay there anymore, so we left.” Jasper answered for his mate. I could practically roll my eyes, of course, Carlisle would have done anything for his precious Edward.

Carlisle.

My eyes widened, I turned to Alice, surely she’d seen me ask the questioned I had been dying to ask since I saw her. She looked at me with sympathy, nodding her head.

“Yes. He is here. Over by the river.” Alice responded to the question I hadn’t asked out loud. Suddenly music had started to play, to which I nodded in gratefulness as Jasper pulled her into the dance floor. I smiled at the couple as they started to dance. They had completed each other’s life, it made me happy that nothing has changed between them.

I then gazed over by the river that was a few hundred yards from the venue. There was a few vampires chatting at the tables that had been placed there, however my eyes fell on the one vampire sitting by himself. The blonde vampire was at the edge of the river farthest from the others, sitting in solitude. Or more like waiting. I bet Alice had seen this beforehand. Maybe she even planned it all herself. There was no telling when it came to her.

I was near the river in seconds, deciding to walk the next few yards. I felt the pit in my stomach grow bigger by each step I had taken, growing closer and closer to my creator. I didn’t dare to look up to see if he had taken notice in my figure, I already knew that he probably had. Instead I became very focused on the snow beneath me, watching as I left a shoe print with each step.

Part of me had wanted to turn around and go back to the dance floor, maybe dance with Resmond or Braxton. Chat with Clara, or even with my old siblings in the Cullen clan. But despite all of the anxiety and regret, deep down I had craved seeing Carlisle. I needed to have this talk to him, then I could finally move on. Then I could finally be happy with Resmond.

Once I had gotten to the edge of the river, I had sat down next to Carlisle. I didn’t look at him, I just took in his smell, which I haven’t smelt in over a year. Nor had I been this close to him since the falling out. It was quiet, we just sat and looked at the river in front of us, listening to it flow freely.

I could feel his stare burning into the side of my face. He had been waiting for me to speak, but I was still trying to find the right words to say. I grabbed a fist full of snow that had laid beside me.

Don’t be a coward.

“What a wonderful wedding, don’t you think?” I had finally spoken. Trying to break the silence, hopefully that didn’t sound as stupid as I thought it did. I had finally turned to face him, to which I was right, he had been staring at my face. He seemed somewhat mad when he had met my eyes.

“You never came back.” He responded, making me look back out into the river. He had not felt the need to beat around the bush apparently. Getting straight it the point I guess.

“I didnt see the need. You made it clear that I was never on your list of priorities Carlisle.” I tossed a chunk of snow in the water, watching the ripples fade away as the snow melted into the river.

“You were my very first creation Y/n, I spent the majority of my life with you, you were always one of my top priorities.” He defended himself.

“You certainly had a unique way of showing it. Tell me, what was the real reason you left Forks? Was it because of the human?” I pressed, my way of indirectly telling him I told you so.

“You were right. I am sorry I hadn’t listened to you the first time. But you did not have to disappear, I would have given you your space, you didn’t have to leave me wondering every day whether or not you were even alive.”

“You had Edward, you didn’t need me. And look, I’m still alive.” I gestured to myself, looking back at the man who I spend more then half my exsistence with. He had a pained look on his face, his eyes eyeing me up and down.

“Edward was not my first creation, I did not spend over 200 years with him alone. Did you know how much pain you put me in? I spend every day thinking of ways to get you back. You were mine, and I had lost you. You were the only one I did not worry about leaving, and you did.”

“Well I’m not yours anymore. You couldn’t appreciate what you had while you had it. I found someone else who does, every single night.” I rubbed in, snapping at him.

There was silence between us for a few moments. Carlisle looked like he was thinking, trying to find something to say to defend himself, but even he knew his errors in his treatment towards me. He had sighed, giving up.

“Are you happy?” He had asked me.

“Yes.”

I had responded immediately, I raised my left hand up, flashing him my wedding ring that Resmond had proposed to me.

“ Well I guess that’s all the matters.” Carlisle had said, he had a tint of sadness in his voice.

“What about Esme? Haven’t you two gotten married already?” I brought up his mate. He had refused any intentions of marrying her in the past, but I had secretly knew he loved her, he just didn’t want to upset me.

“We eloped, she is at home with Edward. She didn’t want to leave him, not in his state. He had taken it hard, leaving Bella behind.” Carlisle explained.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about that.” I had given my sorrows to him.

“Thank you.”

Once again we had been left in silence. I debated on saying something, but I had heard footprints behind us.

“Y/n my Love, would you like to dance?” I heard Resmond from behind me.

I looked back at Carlisle, who had smiled softly at me. “Well, I guess it’s finally time to let you live your life. Have a nice life Y/n, go be happy.” Carlisle had gestured to Resmond. I smiled, nodding back at him.

“You too Carlisle. Thank you, for giving me this life.” To which I gave him one last look, before turning around hand in hand with Resmond.

I had felt peace.

I knew deep down it wouldn’t be the last time I saw Carlisle, but I could finally let go of him. I could start my new life with Resmond, who I loved and he loved me back.

And that was all I needed.

#twilight vampires #carlisle cullen requests #carlisle cullen oneshots #carlisle cullen imagine #carlisle cullen x reader angst #carlisle cullen angst #carlisle cullen x reader #carlisle x reader #carlisle cullen #twilight x reader #twilight #twilight imagines

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shadlad24 · 3 years

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Lucky Number Seven, Part 1

Seventh Mensiversary Post I

Yep. It’s that time of the month again! 😆

My posts here are almost all Xena Warrior Princess-related and can now be divided into ten main categories. Because Tumblr cannot accommodate even a listing of all my work in one post, I have to break the link tree in two.

(Of course if you’d prefer to see everything in one place and without frills, then you can always use the open Google Doc.)

Questions

Curious— Why does everyone think Gabrielle/Renée O’Connor has green eyes?

A Favor to the God of War?— What in the world was the favor Ares was after?

Smoking Gun?— How did Hope knowing Solan’s name give her away as his killer?

Good Luck, Kid!— Why was security so bad in “Maternal Instincts”?

The Love of Your Love— Wasn’t the second verse of this song insensitive to Gabrielle?

The (Many) Problem(s) with Ares— Why does so little about Ares’s character make sense?

Hard Ask— Can I PLEASE get a willing, able, AND reliable beta-reader for my Xena fanfic???

The (Many) Problem(s) with Ares [Expansion]— three more questions about the god of war

No Way— Is the titular image of “Xena: Warrior Princess” what it seems?

Hard Ask (Redo)— Plz???

Five Funny Little Moments— a series highlighting overlooked silly things from each episode, illustrated in pictures and cracksubs

#1: “Sins of the Past”

#2: Chariots of War

#3: Dreamworker

#4: Cradle of Hope

#5: The Path Not Taken

#6: The Reckoning

#7: The Titans

#8: Prometheus

#9: Death in Chains

#10: Hooves and Harlots

#11: The Black Wolf

#12: Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

#13: Athens City Academy of the Performing Bards

#14: A Fistful of Dinars

#15: Warrior… Princess

#16: Mortal Beloved

#17: The Royal Couple of Thieves

#18: The Prodigal

#19: Altared States

#20: Ties That Bind

#21: The Greater Good

#22: Callisto

#23: Death Mask

#24: Is There a Doctor in the House?

Fan Theories

Soul Orbits and Psychic Echoes— how Xena and Gabrielle got their children

Shazam!— how Xena can come back after the series finale

Man-Killer— what really happened to Toris

An Unsung Hero— Aphrodite being Gabrielle’s guardian angel throughout the Rift Arc

Infamous, Infuriated— why Xena engaged in the GabDrag (and BardBraining)

Solving Some Problems with Ares— answering two of my own questions about the god of war

Odd, Sort of Beautiful Symmetry— how we ended up with Annie and Harry

Soul Orbits and Psychic Echoes [Expansion]— a focus on Solan and Hope within the main theory

Solving More Problems with Ares— answering my next questions about the god of war

Another— who The Destroyer might have been

The Jinn of War— who secretly helped Najara

The True Deliverer— NOT Khrafstar

The Jinn of War [Expansion]— an exploration of another arrow-catcher

The Lord of War: TMPSSEA Version— how Draco might be more than he seems, sans my usual image overload

The Lord of War— how Draco might be more than he seems, with the usual image overload

Joyous Celebrations

Golden Ticket— Renee O’Connor’s initial responses to me on Instagram

Mensiversary— review of my first month on Tumblr

Confirmation/Affirmation— Steven L. Sears’s essay of support for my Furies theory

K.O.— Renée O’Connor liking my comment about ^

Hooray!— The Mother of Hope is finished (kinda)

Second Mensiversary— review of my second month on Tumblr

More Funny Little Moments #1: Season 1, Episodes 1-12

Tumblr Master Post— originally the third mensiversary, this is the post I updated and reblogged each month for some reason

A Friend— Alexandra Tydings treats me to kindness much like Ren did :)

Tumblr Master Post [Update]— fourth mensiversary post

Hooray! [Expansion]— the final lines of The Mother of Hope

More Funny Little Moments #2: Season 1, Episodes 13-24

Top 25— a collection of my favorite images (and one GIF) I’ve made, to celebrate my 100th post

Heyy, Just a bit about myself (Reblog)— a response to one of @xenawarriorprincess’s 10th-anniversary posts

Tumblr Master Post [Update]— fifth mensiversary post

Sixth Mensiversary— chart only ’cuz Tumblr is uncooperative

Sixth Mensiversary Links, Part 1— Questions, Episode Reflections, Original Fanfic Excerpts, Fan Theories, and Episode Cracksubs

Sixth Mensiversary Links, Part 2— TL;DRs, Funny Little Moments, Miscellaneous, and Other

OMG; OMG; OMG! WHEEEEE!!!— breakthrough

TLDRs

TLDR #1: Soul Orbits and Psychic Echoes

TLDR #2: Infamous, Infuriated

TLDR #3: The (Many) Problem(s) with Ares

TLDR #4: Redeeming “Fishsticks”

TLDR #5: “Sacrifice I” Analysis

TLDR #6: You Have an Infection???

TLDR #7: Like Family

Please click here to continue.

#xena warrior princess #xena #xena and gabrielle #gabrielle #meme #fan theory #xenafic #cracksubs #fan observations #fanfiction #fanfic #xena fanfiction #gabrielle fanfiction #celebration #comedy #tldr #funny #link post

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lovelyirony · 4 years

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could you write something for trans pepper coming out to tony please?

authors note: i am not an expert, nor am i trans. please let me know if i have written anything wrong/harmful, and i’ll take it down

When Pepper started at Stark Industries, she told herself that she would not get too involved. She was here to do her job, and nothing else. She had caused “problems” at her last job, and in return they had caused problems for her as well.

(Sitting by herself at the cafeteria, fielding uncomfortable messages, and correcting intentionally wrong emails had been...exhausting. Mentally and physically.)

But this? No, this can’t go on.

The math is all wrong. It’s going to cost the company about a million dollars if she lets it pass, and while she’s sure that it could be replaced easily in a day, that’s the kind of thing that gets you fired. And when employers look at your resume and see that you were terminated from the highest-ranking job to have for an accountant, a prestigious company that takes pride in accurate numbers and satisfied employees?

Well...it doesn’t look too hot.

So she brings it up. Her boss isn’t exactly happy with her. She thinks the numbers were probably intentional.

“I’ve been doing this for years, I think I know a little bit more than you, young lady,” he scowls.

Pepper’s not exactly fazed at the dismissive remark.

“Then I’m sure that you’ll know that your math is wrong. It’d be better to double-check it and be right and have me be in the wrong than not check it and be fired.”

He doesn’t check it.

But when he’s called into Mr. Stark’s office, he must have mentioned her name.

He put the blame on her.

Pepper cannot believe it as she’s called in.

“So, Mark tells me that you did math wrong.”

“I didn’t. I triple-checked it, and kept the receipt tape as proof.”

“Oh, I know. Mark can’t do math for shit, but he hates when people tell him. But I’m glad you did, because it made me realize I can’t have someone who’s so insecure that when someone tells them to double-check it and they don’t because they want to be right, that...I don’t know what I was doing. Anyways, he’s fired.”

Pepper blinks.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really. Also, I’m reading your file. Virginia? Did your parents hate you?”

“Not the worst name I’ve been given,” Pepper says smoothly.

“Hm. Says here that you go by Pepper. I like that.”

“Thank you, chose it myself and everything.”

“And everything?” Tony asks, smiling. “I like that.”

Four months later, she’s in the break room when Tony’s personal assistant quits on the spot after he’s late for the third time in a week.

“I can’t fucking do this!” He screeches. “I’m done.”

Pepper’s not sure why she goes into Jason’s office and just looks at the schedule.

She calls his cell.

“Jason, seriously, I told you to quit bothering me.”

“It’s Pepper. Get your ass over here for your meeting, the board directors are about an inch away from reinstating Obadiah.”

“And that would be a bad thing...why?”

“You want your stock points to drop because you’re proving that you can’t be trusted to run a company?”

“I’ll be there.”

It’s the fastest time that Tony makes it into the office, by the way. Pepper’s only slightly proud.

She’s terrified when he offers her a position as a personal assistant. She’ll be in the limelight, people paying attention to her.

She modifies her contracts: no one is allowed to access any sort of personal information. At all. It has to be locked in a vault, only key is one that she and Tony know about.

“Anything I should know about?”

“Um. No.”

“Oh. Okay. As long as you aren’t secretly running any illegal thing out of one of the floors, then be my guest. But if you are, let me know. Petra in accounting--new hire, you wouldn’t know them--is secretly reselling wedding cakes. I think. Maybe the wedding cakes was a bad lie. Hell. But welcome aboard!”

Wrangling Tony is a lot like dealing with a goldfish. He’s a genius; she sees that when she walks into his house and sees about seven different projects lying around, and at least two papers that have notes about redoing a filtration system for drinking water.

He is also incredibly stupid.

“You have fifteen coffee cups out.”

“Impossible, I don’t own that many!”

“Aw, did you not take counting classes in preschool?”

Tony likes her. A lot. She’s got a bite of wit, no-bullshit when it comes to business, and never misses a beat. She also has a killer sense of style, and is the one who makes sure he’s not wearing a weird mixture of jeans and a sport coat.

“No.”

“Come on, it’s not like fashion actually matters that much. Well, not to me.”

“It should. You should be the most creatively dressed male out there, and you’re not. A black suit? God, that’s...that’s sad. No, I ordered you a blue silk suit. Embroidered with flowers all over, matching shoes with inverted colors. Come on. In you go.”

“Ugh.”

(His outfit is a smashing success, by the way. They ask who his stylist is, and he just says “Oh, my personal assistant said she would bury me in my garden if I wore a black suit. I would’ve dug it myself, looking on this now.”)

She does not tell him for a long time. At all. Because people are...weird about it. Weird questions, weird statements, and compliments so backhanded she doesn’t like to call them compliments.

But at some point, she needs to tell him. Or she wants to. She wants to, she doesn’t have to. Yeah.

Okay. So she’s in love with him. A tiny bit.

He makes her coffee. Every morning. Creamer goes into the mug first, then coffee. That’s the only way she takes it.

He compliments her a lot, and she knows that this shouldn’t be a reason that love qualifies but it’s nice to hear. He also bought her a very expensive pair of shoes.

Pepper honestly does want to tell him. She also does not want to lose her job, however. So she needs to gauge the situation. Maybe talk to some of her girlfriends, see what’s up.

Well then her boss goes missing for months and comes back and obviously you can’t tell someone you’re in love with them after they come back with an electromagnetic device in their chest. That’s just crazy.

He came back...different. New circumstances, new outlook on life. She relates a tiny little bit.

She buys herself a beautiful blue dress. He gives her his credit card, tells her to buy herself something nice, and goddammit she’s never been one to really disobey her boss. (Just bend some rules. Or create new ones that negate the old ones.)

She curls her hair and only curses eight times, which is actually pretty good. Her usual amount of cursing per-curling-session is about eighty-two.

He looks at her like she’s an angel, and she thinks...yeah. Okay. She’ll tell him that she’s in love with him.

Well then his uncle decides to attempt to kill him. God, what a mood killer. She hates this.

They’re laying down in his house on the patio, and he’s sipping on a smoothie that she’s honestly sure is 100% gross, and he turns to her.

“Would you ever want to go on a date with me?”

Pepper blinks.

“Yes,” she says without skipping a beat. “But we need to have a discussion before I dedicate myself to this cause.”

“What am I, a Salvation Army donation bin?”

“Maybe.”

“Then dinner-and-discussion tonight. Not a date. Just...talking.”

She’s nervous. She’s put her hair up so that she won’t run her fingers through it, but now she’s just fidgeting with her necklace and bracelet.

Tony looks nice. He’s in a casual graphic tee and old jeans that are older than she actually knew they could hold together. She is in old shorts and a tank top and yeah it’s casual but it’s also nice and wow she’s really over-thought this.

“So, what are your concerns?” Tony says. Getting to the point straight-away, that’s always his move. Pepper gulps.

“You mind if I get water?”

“Not at all.”

She sips on water.

“My concern is that I’m transgender and you need to know that before we pursue anything.”

Tony blinks.

“Um. Okay. Was not expecting that right out. I was more thinking you would have a problem with my new armor and Rhodey and I being immature when he visits and also how much time I spend on inventing.”

“Well yeah, those too. But I deal with those all the time. But I’m also concerned about you pissing off the government and them sending secret agents to kill us.”

Jarvis cuts in smoothly.

“I am afraid, Miss Potts, that they wouldn’t make it two hundred feet of this current residence. Would you like me to update security protocols at other residences around the globe?”

“You can do that?” Pepper asks.

“Yes, Miss Potts.”

“Please do update, thank you.”

Tony grins, looking at her. The same way. Which is kind of exhilarating, all things considered.

“You amaze me. J, remind me that if Pep and I break up, I need to build a bunker that could withstand a nuclear war.”

“I will not remind you of that, as I’m sure it will be on you,” Jarvis remarks.

Pepper snorts.

“I wasn’t aware that I was going to turn my AI against myself,” Tony sighs. “Such is life.”

Pepper grins. He squeezes her hand.

“You want to celebrate this with wine? I’m sure tomorrow you’ll have me signing so many forms for workplace relationships that I’ll cry by two p.m.”

“Make that one p.m., and you’ll be fine you big baby,” Pepper teases.

Tony blows her a kiss as he gets up from the couch.

“Thank you. For telling me. I know that that’s hard to tell people. Discuss more of it later, or now?”

“Mm, later. It’s late at night, I’m tired.”

“Gotcha. You want red or white tonight?”

“...Red.”

Tony grins, getting out the wine glasses. He pours carefully and expertly, and raises his. They clink their glasses together.

“Cheers to more success. For the both of us.”

Pepper grins softly.

“For success.”

#i was hesitant writing this #so if there is a problem here #or if i wrote something that is harmful/hurtful: PLEASE let me know #transphobia tw #lovelyirony writes #i do like this headcanon a lot tho #i think it's very nice :)#trans!pepper #pepper potts #tony stark #pepperony #anyways i just like that pepper is immediately like 'WELL CALLING YOU ON YOUR BULLSHIT'#and then tony's like 'omg ur the love of my life!'

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wedreamedlove · 4 years

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[Confessing Voice]

"Under the glimmering lights I was only watching your radiance. I'll place everything I wish to tell you in this song."

This is doing a rerun on the ENG server so what better time to post a translation on it than now? Maybe it'll encourage people to get the card. But I'm also curious about what people feel regarding the differences between the versions.

Does the Asian version seem more quiet with charged undertones while the English version is more physical? It reminds me of reviews I've read about different actors' takes on the Phantom of the Opera lol.

NOTE: This is the JP version with CN subbed lines because I needed to keep the literary reference with the song he sings.

[True Love Date]

I was meticulously checking the first broadcast of Miracle Finder for the New Year in the editing room.

It was an important broadcast related to our sponsors and our ratings this year. I looked over the show's contents with especially strict eyes.

Editing Staff: We've edited this 12 times already...

Everyone's line of sight gathered on me. They were waiting for me to give the OK.

MC: I think it's good this time. We're done with this!

Cheers rose. Looking at everyone who worked hard through consecutive all-nighters I felt bad.

MC: Good job everyone. I'll be generous with the project rewards so look forward to that!

Editing Staff: President, the person we need to thank the most is Professor Xu Mo.

I showed a confused expression.

Editing Staff: I secretly contacted Professor Xu Mo when we kept on redoing this. He gave me a lot of advice even though he was busy...

I looked at my phone screen in surprise. Two weeks earlier---

~~~

His face crossed my mind when I was troubled over this current project.

My hand moved on its own to call Xu Mo. It started to become a habit to contact him whenever I had problems.

Xu Mo picked up after several rings.

MC: Xu Mo? Are you busy right now? There's something I'd like to ask you...

Static crackled from the other side of the call. After a while, I heard Xu Mo's voice.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry but lately... I've been busy.

His tone was calm but also distant. It wasn't from exhaustion. I felt a coldness from somewhere.

MC: Don't worry. It wasn't anything serious, so...

Xu Mo: Mm. If it's nothing then I'm going to end the call.

MC: Okay...

Xu Mo didn't say anything further. That was more than enough to make me feel the distance between us.

MC: Wait!

MC: Um... you might be busy, but take care of yourself. Bye bye.

Just when I thought there was rough breathing it suddenly fell quiet. Hearing a monotone beeping, I came back to myself. Xu Mo had already ended the call.

MC: Did he hear my last words...?

Looking at the ended call I was struck by a strange feeling.

Maybe I was thinking too much? His words and speech was cold like never before.

MC: What am I thinking? Xu Mo is just busy...

Although I tried telling myself that I couldn't help but feel uneasy somewhere.

I shook my head and drove away my negative emotions. I relied too much on him. This time I needed to solve things by myself.

Editing Staff: ---President, President? Are the credits good like this?

I returned to the present after being lost in my thoughts. The words "Program Supervisor: Xu Mo" on the credits roll jumped into my eyes.

MC: W-what sort of advice did Professor Xu Mo give? Um... how did you get him to help? When was that?

Editing Staff: It was about 2 days ago. We were editing until 4AM but still had to redo everything... It was when you fell asleep on the sofa.

Editing Staff: After I called Professor Xu Mo, he asked me what happened to you, and I replied you were sleeping on the sofa.

Editing Staff: Then he ended the call saying he was busy. But the next morning an email arrived with detailed advice...

Editing Staff: The strange thing is that he wrote for me not to let you know. But you've found out already, so it's fine, right?

I wondered why Xu Mo helped when he had refused once.

(Why did he say not to let me know? Is there a problem if I know about it...?)

I also didn't understand the reason for Xu Mo's sudden coldness.

For a while there were no replies to my texts and his lectures were on break too. It was like he was distancing himself from me on purpose.

My heart clenched when I thought this.

Editing Staff: President, why don't we invite Professor Xu Mo to our New Year's party this time? He looked like he enjoyed our year-end party a few days ago and he helped us out this time too...

I said this while looking at the New Year's party notice I sent to everyone.

MC: He... seems to be busy, so he might not come.

Editing Staff: But he came to the year-end party even though he was busy, right...?

I hurried out of the editing room as if ending the topic.

On the day of the New Year's party, I came with everyone in the company to a newly opened high-class karaoke box in Lianyu City.

It was an elegant, modern, and spacious reserved room. A white grand piano and guitar were placed in front of the karaoke machine, and beside that was a small stage.

I checked my phone's text messages over and over again. A message from 3 days ago remained there.

Text: Xu Mo, my company's going to have a New Year's party at Petrichor 3 days later. If you'd like, why don't you come?

Text: You looked like you enjoyed singing at the year-end party a while ago, so I thought I'd invite you this time too. But if you're busy then please don't hesitate to refuse.

Even though the message was definitely sent there was no response. I sighed with worry and disappointment.

Yue Yue: President, why have you been staring constantly at your phone? Work is done for today!

Yue Yue quickly stole my phone, randomly touching the screen, and then placed it in front of herself.

MC: Hey, my phone...

I stretched out my hand but Yue Yue pushed a set of cards to me.

Yue Yue: You don't sing, right? Then let's play cards!

The company members around us gathered in interest. I had no choice but to pass the time playing cards with everyone.

Xu Mo's house---

The phone rang and a message arrived. It was from [NAME].

Xu Mo hesitated slightly and then picked up the phone. However, the message was just numbers and letters and he didn't understand what she wrote.

What was this? Xu Mo's expression became severe.

He searched on the internet and tried various methods but he couldn't decipher it. He felt a sense of frustration.

He wondered why she had sent this message.

Was she angry at being treated coldly? Or was it a demand for a reply to her New Year's party invitation...?

Xu Mo dialed her phone from his landline. However, only an automated voice saying "This phone has been turned off" came.

Xu Mo: What is wrong with me?

Xu Mo: When did I start caring about these conventions?

For a while, Xu Mo stared at the message which came from the girl 3 days ago. It was written with her usual detailed and kind words.

At the beginning, his objective was just to get close to her. But the closer he got the more he was drawn to her for some reason.

Xu Mo: Didn't I already decide to leave her life?

Why did he help her again even though he refused her once? Why was his heart unsettled from this incomprehensible message?

The intense pain in Xu Mo's heart insistently told him the reason. That over there was an answer he couldn't escape even if he desperately averted his eyes.

The moment the door to the karaoke room opened Xu Mo faintly understood the answer.

That he couldn't leave her.

~~~

MC: Xu Mo! You came?

Her clear eyes widened roundly and she looked at him. The person reflected in those eyes was him alone.

Xu Mo suddenly placed a hand on his chest. A thin thread was tightly squeezing his heart.

He sighed.

Forget it, he would be foolish once more with this foolish girl.

Xu Mo entered the room and sat beside her naturally.

MC: Weren't you busy?

MC: Erm, nevermind. You didn't reply so I didn't think you'd come.

Even under the dim lights he could clearly see her emotions.

There was joy and doubt.

He swallowed back the words he was about to say and softly stroked her hair.

Xu Mo: Sorry. I couldn't get through to your phone so I came here.

MC: You couldn't get through?

She looked down and searched the top of the sofa before showing him the phone, biting her lip awkwardly.

MC: I accidentally turned it off...

Xu Mo smiled lightly with some exasperation. Light and shadow were jumbled together in his eyes.

Xu Mo: Silly.

She gave a pure laugh and then, covering her face, her eyes darted around.

MC: Were you worried about me?

Xu Mo: Yes.

Xu Mo approached her and nodded without hesitation.

Yue Yue: Huh? It's Professor Xu Mo? President, you should have told us if the professor was coming.

MC: Uh... that's because...

Xu Mo: I heard everyone was having a New Year's party so I came without an invitation. I'm not interrupting, am I?

Yue Yue: No way. I was moved when I heard you singing at the year-end party. Everyone wants to hear it again!

Yue Yue said this and then ran back to the stage again to sing enthusiastically with Anna.

Xu Mo: Why aren't you singing together with them?

MC: Huh? I... don't sing much.

Xu Mo: I know. But I'd like to hear it.

My face turned red at Xu Mo's unexpected words.

MC: You're planning on teasing me again, aren't you...

The corners of Xu Mo's lips rose and then he sighed.

Xu Mo: It's true I was worried about you. It's also true that I want to hear you sing.

Xu Mo: Everything is true.

His casual words resounded in my heart more than any other noise in the room.

Yue Yue started singing a sad love song with Anna who was still on the stage.

Anna: Did you really throw away those glittering days...

Yue Yue: I had many dreams in those long nights. Don't remember me. One day you will also know pain...

Xu Mo looked at the words showing on the screen. The flickering light was reflected in his eyes.

The lively karaoke party on top of the stage repeated and, below the stage, everyone else amused themselves with games.

Seeing that Xu Mo had come everyone persistently invited him to join their game.

Gu Meng: Next is the improved version of Spin the Bottle! Whoever this beer bottle points to has to answer everyone's question. If they can't answer with the truth then as penalty they need to drink all this alcohol!

When Gu Meng clapped her hands the editing staff carried over a tray with five cups of whiskey.

Colleagues: This is overdoing it!

Looking at the lined up drinks, I became worried. I would get drunk from just one cup, so if I drank them all I might collapse.

That reminded me, I hadn't seen Xu Mo drink before. I looked at him inquisitively.

Xu Mo nodded and patted the back of my hand.

The beer bottle began to spin and then pointed at Gu Meng.

Yue Yue: Do you have someone you like?

Yue Yue, who had joined the circle at one point, began the questions. At that first question... everyone's eyes gathered on Gu Meng.

Gu Meng glared lightly at Yue Yue and then reluctantly nodded.

Cheers rose. Gu Meng spun the bottle as if trying to avenge herself. This time the bottle pointed at Xu Mo and stopped.

Yue Yue: Professor Xu Mo, is there someone you like in this room?

Gu Meng: How about trying another question?

Yue Yue: That's why I said "in this room"!

Xu Mo smiled and nodded decisively.

Xu Mo: There is.

That answer was so surprisingly clear that the area became quiet. After that cheers exploded and Gu Meng whistled.

My heart was already racing the second Yue Yue asked that question.

The person Xu Mo liked was in this room... My ears turned red and my mind went blank.

I unconsciously brought my hand back but Xu Mo grabbed it firmly.

Xu Mo: Why is your face red?

MC: Erm, uh... it's because of the drinks!

Xu Mo: But... it doesn't seem like you've drank anything yet.

MC: Umm, it's because it's hot then?

Looking at me as my voice gradually became smaller, Xu Mo chuckled beside my ear.

Yue Yue: Okay, next is Professor Xu Mo again!

The beer bottle pointed at Xu Mo again and stopped. This time Gu Meng restrained Yue Yue and asked a question.

Gu Meng: Who is the person you said you liked?

Everyone held their breath and stared at Xu Mo.

My heart wouldn't stop pounding. I looked down and reflexively pulled back the hand that was held by Xu Mo.

Xu Mo smiled, as if he understood something, and drained the drinks one after another.

Everyone was a bit disappointed and began to spin the bottle again.

I secretly glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked drunk and even his ears were red.

MC: Xu Mo, are you okay?

He nodded his head and brought his lips to my ear. His hot breath and the smell of alcohol drifted around me and it felt ticklish.

Xu Mo: I'm fine, although... you still owe me an answer.

MC: I...

I was at a loss for an answer and, at last after panicking, I fell silent. I just concentrated on touching my hair and hiding my discomposure.

Maybe it was because of the drinks or maybe the atmosphere of the place, but Xu Mo became talkative and his eyes were hazy.

Yue Yue: It's finally the president's turn!

Yue Yue and Gu Meng exchanged looks and then came up to me together.

Gu Meng: Who's the person important to you? Please be specific.

MC: How come I'm the only one who has to be "specific"?

Yue Yue: You have to keep to the rules. It's useless to try and run!

The person most important to me--- I looked at Xu Mo shyly and then breathed in deeply.

MC: That person showed me a world I didn't know about until now.

MC: He's warm but not oppressive. He's calm but not melancholic. He's a person that's like a clear sky and a deep fog.

MC: He also notices the slightest change in my feelings and taught me the laws of this world.

MC: Whenever I'm lost he leads me forward with a gentleness that surrounds me.

I sunk into my memories and continued to talk by myself, not noticing how beside me Xu Mo placed his glass down, furrowed his brows, and bit his lip...

MC: He is... a very, very important person to me.

Finished talking about my heart, I gave a deep sigh.

Colleague A: For the president to talk so passionately means that "man" isn't here, right? If he was here, then you wouldn't say this, huh~.

Yue Yue: I wanna know who it is!

MC: Hey now! Enough with the chatter, let's move on...

Everyone unanimously guessed at the "man" I talked about. Xu Mo remained silent and raised his glass, taking a mouthful of his drink.

Despite the game resuming Xu Mo seemed strange somewhere. It was like his cheer up to now had disappeared.

MC: Maybe he's drunk? He drank a lot earlier...

MC: I've never seen him drunk. I'm sure it'd be cute.

I stood in front of the sink, thinking about how he'd look drunk, and giggled.

~~~

The moment I stepped out into the hall to return to the room my arm was suddenly grabbed by someone. I was held against a sturdy chest with a force I couldn't fight against.

I was dumbfounded. The scent of summer grass and the smell of faint alcohol surrounded me.

When I came back to myself I was held tightly to Xu Mo. My back was against the wall and one of my arms was caught by him.

MC: Xu Mo...

My heart raced and I didn't know what to do.

Xu Mo looked at me with empty eyes.

Xu Mo: Is that person so important to you?

MC: Huh?

Xu Mo: Tell me. Who is that person?

Xu Mo suddenly came close, speaking in a censuring tone.

(Hold on. Didn't he hear me talk? Or... did he misunderstand?)

I looked up at Xu Mo. Complicated emotions that seemed about to overflow even now were being restrained desperately in his eyes.

MC: You've got it wrong...

Xu Mo: Tell me...

Xu Mo came even closer. The scorching heat of his presence enveloped my surroundings.

It was the first time I saw him with such a scary look. It was so surprising I had no idea what to do. I stared into his eyes and said this.

MC: It's you.

MC: ... The "man" I was talking about is you, Xu Mo. You're my important person.

Xu Mo's eyes became dazed for a second. The smell of alcohol disappeared.

MC: I was talking about you. But... it looks like I caused a misunderstanding...

Xu Mo regained his calm and quietly released my arm.

Xu Mo: I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

MC: A little...

Xu Mo looked down and rubbed gently at my arm. I couldn't see his expression but his warmth reached up to my ears.

When we returned to the room everyone was still excited. My heart raced just from remembering what happened earlier.

Pressing on my chest, I told myself to "calm down". Then, so that he wouldn't drink any more alcohol, I secretly pulled his glass in front of me.

Yue Yue: President, you never sing, right? How about singing 1 song today at least?

Yue Yue held out the mic to me.

MC: Erm! I'll pass...

I looked at Xu Mo and nervously declined.

It wasn't that I was bad at singing. It was just that I wasn't prepared to sing in front of Xu Mo.

Yue Yue: If the president won't sing then I'll have Professor Xu Mo sing!

Hearing that, everyone became even more enthusiastic.

Xu Mo, who was looking at me, nodded. I also wanted to hear him sing.

He gave a soft smile and, holding a glass, went to the stage.

It was at that time that I finally noticed him wearing a black turtleneck and dark purple scarf.

The speckled lights shone on him and how he had a hand casually placed in his pocket. A languid and alluring atmosphere was brought out.

Xu Mo set his glass down. Then, after thinking a little, he came to me and nonchalantly took my hand and returned directly to the stage again.

He wasn't using a strong force, but there was a sense of pressure that brooked no refusal.

Before I knew it, he slotted his body against mine and placed his chin on my shoulder. The aroma of the alcohol mixed with a refreshing fragrance which was like grasslands after the rains stopped.

Xu Mo: What would you like to sing?

MC: ... Do I have to sing?

Xu Mo: I want to hear you sing.

MC: You won't be shocked after hearing my singing, right?

I raised my head and said this, pursing my lips.

Xu Mo: Then... why don't we try it?

His mouth came close to my ear and he said this in a low voice. I nodded in a dazed manner with a mind gone hazy from the alcohol.

Xu Mo operated the karaoke machine and a mellow melody rang out.

His palm covered my hand. It was a large hand which seemed to cover my hand and the mic together.

Something like a weak current seemed to run through my entire body from his dry palm...

His eyes stared straight at me... straight into the depths of my heart.

Something like a decision was reflected in those eyes.

Xu Mo: When I fall in love, it will be forever.

It was a low enrapturing voice, like a late autumn wind or the swelling night ocean. He sang with his heart in it.

That voice knocked on the door to my heart.

Memories came into my mind one after another.

The first time we met and his beautiful face under a dazzling light. The time we met in a movie theatre at midnight. That golden-colored picnic. That rainbow after the rain lifted...

All those memories rode on that singing voice and slowly flowed throughout the sparkling room.

MC: And the moment---

MC: I can feel that you feel that way too---

As we sang we came even closer together and our hands continued to remain touching.

From the beginning until the end, Xu Mo looked at me with a constant smile and eyes that held expectation.

Xu Mo: It turns out a song can be this short.

The song ended and we got off the stage.

MC: Xu Mo, you really do sing well!

Xu Mo's lips curved and he said this with mischievous eyes.

Xu Mo: Oh? Can I believe... the words of a little liar?

MC: Huh, what do you mean?

Xu Mo: I was actually looking forward to your shocking singing.

I remembered how I said earlier "You won't be shocked after hearing my singing, right?" and my face turned red.

MC: Who asked you to believe in that...

Xu Mo: Then what else have you tricked me on?

Xu Mo flicked my forehead with a finger.

MC: Um... before I said you didn't have to come if you were busy, but to be honest I really wanted you to come.

I looked at Xu Mo and, while thinking this and that, spoke awkwardly.

Xu Mo was surprised. Flickering light surged up violently in his eyes and I saw him swallow, Adam's apple bobbing.

MC: What's wrong?

He gave a long sigh and then spoke in a voice even lower than earlier.

Xu Mo: I won't do that anymore.

He looked apologetically at me.

Xu Mo: Why won't you ask if I've ever tricked you?

I blinked.

MC: Um... of course I know that you've tricked me.

Xu Mo: For example?

MC: You were clearly drunk earlier even though you said you weren't drunk. Even more, you misunderstood me...

Looking at her grumble, Xu Mo was a bit surprised and he laughed quietly. Then he drew in the glass beside his hand and drank a mouthful.

His mind was hazy. Her smile and the spotted lights swayed in front of his eyes.

He thought about how he was surely drunk. But that was fine. Being drunk was better.

The music could continue, the drinks could continue.

That way he could tell himself this. That he was taken in by this atmosphere and the alcohol. And that's what these gentle feelings and hesitation resulted from.

Xu Mo raised his glass and drained it all at once.

~~~

DATE DIARY

Everyone worked really hard for the first show of the new year. Finally, after it took shape, I learned that Xu Mo helped. I thought he had refused to though... Why?

On that day, if I remember correctly, I asked for Xu Mo's help but he refused me coldly. Why did he help me again at the critical moment? I don't really understand Xu Mo.

I thought Xu Mo wouldn't come to the New Year's party but he came on the day of. He said he became worried because I didn't answer my phone. During a game of Spin the Bottle, Xu Mo confessed for the first time that he had a person he liked.

I also talked about the person most important to me. But, because Xu Mo was drunk, he seemed to misunderstand that. I'm someone who rarely sings in front of others but for some reason I ended up in a duet with Xu Mo. There was joy in his eyes.

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mlqc xu mo #mlqc lucien #my translations

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ladymdc · 4 years

Note

Fic writers asks #4 please? For Feathers & Fur!

4. If you could change anything in F&F, what would it be?

*cringes*

The short answer is everything. I would rewrite it AGAIN from beginning to end.

This is for a few reasons:

1) It was my first attempt at writing a fic.

2) When I was writing it in 2015, I got a comment about halfway through that was something to the effect of “if we wanted to rehash canon scenes, we’d play the game.” I was insecure & it was harshly written so I nuked the fic & changed my username. It had like 15 subscribers, all quiet, I didn’t think anyone would miss it.

3) When I revived the project 2 years later, I was surprised by the comments I received saying they remembered the fic & was glad to see it back. I cautiously snuck into the fandom at the suggestion of a reader. However, in the end this “friend” gaslit me (& a bunch of other writers) & this fic was sort of collateral damage. When I reread parts, I could see her influence all over it.

That I finished the series, is a miracle. I grit my teeth & finished S&G (it’s companion piece) then HEAVILY edited F&F, nearly redoing entire chapters on occasion, before forcing myself to write the final 2 chapters.

But it’s done & everyone has been really supportive/kind about the fic. Also, I nearly had a stroke when @kauriart posted this lovely rec/gift. I seriously cried over it because I had so many bad feelings associated with F&F & this was the final push I needed to help me set all of that aside. [So, thank you again Kauri]

[10 questions every fic author secretly wants to be asked || send me an ask]

#thanks for the ask!!!#my writing #feathers & fur #dragon age fanfic #evelyn isla trevelyan #CullEv #Cullen Rutherford #not-plaidweave

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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 5 - “https://streamable.com/2bc03” - Beck

So, I have a very good idea as to what happened. Karen thought they were the one to go with their score, and successfully convinced everyone else to get rid of me. Either to get the gold or to get rid of me, I'm not sure. But I'm on to them. Make no mistake.

Well, to recap past round, Ben ended up winning the gold medal and returning to the game, which I really appreciate, so he'll be immune next tribal he attends, which am sure he is happy with. That led to Nik W being the next person eliminated. Then, as well at the arena, Stoner won the silver medal for his tribe, I won the Bronze medal for my tribe, then Pete won nothing. Today's immunity challenge was a maze, went into the maze thinking I should get a decent time, as I did mazes a bit as a kid, but then my dumb self didn't save the maze properly so had to redo it, then my internet decided to act up so had to refigure out lightshot which cost me more time. So I ended up with a really rough score, thankfully the 40% bonus will help a little, but I just feel bad and embarrassed by the time I got, and feel like if my tribe loses, it's going to be because of me. I can't even be too active tomorrow to discuss vote with people if my tribe loses as I am going back home tomorrow, which just makes matters even worse. So, at the moment, I don't feel too hot, but at the same time, I shouldn't let one bad round set me back either.

first loss as a new tribe, rip. I don’t know how this vote may go because i’ve chatted and bonded with everyone on this tribe, well except kevin and kinda nicole, and no one is really sticking out like an asshole. The new mari-whatever tribe has been just chill vibes which is nice but makes strategy much harder cus like what if they’re all secretly just agreed in getting me out? Who knows. I did talk with Landen and we agreed we wanna work together, he threw out the idea that he may be leaning towards voting out an old Shosha member and he hasn’t talked with Kevin or Nicole at all. I’m talking to Eve, Sammy, and Jacob C as well, maybe we could be a voting block...? We’ll see.

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Sarah felt she’s in danger because of Billy trying to get her out last tribal. I can’t have Sarah out because her and I trust each other so then I think of this idea. Nik just got voted out, Billy is targeting Sarah now... what if I spread a rumor that Billy has a plan to pick off all the yujo members and has a hit list and is playing way too hard now? So basically i tell all my allies that eve and I are really scared because someone told us that Billy wants to pick off the yujo people for an easy vote these next few rounds in the hopes that people won’t trust him if he’s playing too hard like that and hopefully the word gets back to the sonkei tribe members.

So we have a problem, Eve and I are sticking together as former yujo so we let each other know what the other person has found out. So anyways I talk with Landen for a little while, I trust him, and he proposes this plan to vote out a former Shosha tribe member which i’m not against. He says he’s talked a little with Sammy and Jacob C too. So I let Eve know and she says interestingly enough she’s been talking to Nicole and Nicole proposed that her, Eve, Kevin, and myself all vote together and Eve says maybe against Landen. Eve also let’s me know that Nicole and Jacob C are very very close. So now Eve and I are split, I want to vote with Landen and get a Shosha tribe member out, she doesn’t wanna go against Nicole and wants to vote Landen out. We’re kinda the swing vote here and I want us to make the right decision.

tribal is getting closer and closer and nobody wants to make a decision! They’re ALL asking ME what to do which i guess is nice but i don’t want them all thinking of me as the decision maker this early. Right now it’s between landen or kevin going so i’m doing what i can to make sure everyone’s fine with writing Kevin’s name down.

Let's make this quick because I am obviously stressed as fuck and I just had the most whack ass dream about this game. In it, half this cast got kicked out of the game for being minors and it was actually a Facebook game, then we appealed it and held a whole trial bc some chick compared us to South African famous wanted murderers and we were offended so we held a trial and won the appeal and all the minors got back in the game but then there was instant tribal council and it was a live tribal and we were all whispering to send home someone named Charlotte who isn't even in this cast I... Yeah. So you can tell THAT'S how paranoid I am about this tribal council, my brain is driving me insane. We going in a million different directions!!! Anyway here's what happened last night. As SOON as I sent in my video confessional saying things are going to be fine, Pete messaged me (hilariously enough, he literally just messaged me with news AGAIN, but we'll get to that later.. it wasn't big enough to change the whole confessional) and said that things had blown up. Essentially what he told me was that Nicole is very close with Eve, but she's also very close with Jacob. Because of this those three kind of took control, and essentially Nicole wants to work with Eve/Pete/Kevin/Jacob. That would leave me and Sammy on the bottom. I knew as soon as I heard that, that Nicole's plan was to vote me out tonight. Jacob loves Sammy, so if they're working together closely, I'm the target, that much is obvious. So basically this entire day would be a race to make sure that we can sway Eve and/or Jacob and make sure the votes are on KEVIN, not on me. Because he doesn't talk to anyone. I gave my best pitch to Eve, but I don't think it worked that much, she doesn't like being in the middle. Nicole/Sammy/Jacob were all like "I'm at work" "i'm driving somewhere" "i'm at a party" lol we love excuses. I'm not buying your fake shit, you just don't want to talk to me. Notice how I said would be though.... Teehee! Well, turns out, I told Juls about all this madness, and my hero, the light of my life, has decided to help me out by giving me a Sit-out-at-tribal advantage! Not 100% sure how it works yet, I REALLY hope I get to make some dramatic play with it at tribal and actually talk about using it... But if not, I'm just glad for the safety. While I'm not 100% sure if it would be me or Kevin going home and if we could sway the votes, I'm not willing to risk my safety at the arena. It's just not going to happen. And I want to see how interesting things get when I return! So when it comes to this tribal, that's honestly my main plan. Sit out with Juls' advantage. Laugh as the fireworks play... Hope to GOD that Kevin, who probably gets sent home, dies in the Arena too. Gotta have faith he can be beat. I'm not amazing at challenges, good, but not confident enough that I'm willing to risk my spot in the Arena now that it's gotten down to all active people who are giving it their 100%. Notice how I said I'd make this quick but I didn't? Yeah this is a mess. So... tonight is going to be VERY. Very fun. You could even say it'll be a disaster..? For them, at least.

So, Darcy could prove to be a useful asset to bring close to the end. He voted for me last round, and he said he figured that'd reduce trust between us. Honestly, he's absolutely right, I want very little to do with him now, but I'm just "playing nice" until it's time to cut him out.

Billy is going. Kinda hope he comes back so we can win. Even if we don't it's nice to have an easy vote. I think I need to position myself just a little bit better here. Even if i'm not near the bottom, I need to act like it. I need to have chris and jordan's loyalty over emma. And Emma's over theirs. I need to be in the power position, without being viewed that way. Me not going on skype might help that perception. I'm good at these challenges, this one not included, so I should be solid going forward.

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i’m playing a spreading info game.... is it gonna get me in trouble? maybe! it might! but it could also get me far so high risk high reward. please pray that the info i’m leaking doesn’t get tacked back to me

This first part of the game for me has been some of the worst gameplay that I've ever displayed. I've received votes every single tribal, I've made no strong connections, the only guy I trusted 100% got his ass voted out, and I'm sitting in the Arena for the second time. It makes you wonder how the fuck I do this shit without breaking down. Well, that's sort of what I did. I broke down after that tribal man, hard. I fkn hate getting emotional man but it felt like complete SHIT being alone and neglected. Truth is, every way I put it, even though I don't wanna admit it, I got no one but myself to blame. What I need in this game is a reset button. When I come back, and I WILL come back from that arena, I need to start a clean slate and get all that chaos the fuck outta there...for now. Fuck I need to win that arena. So bad. When I go back to Sonkei, Imma make sure that I'm the one on top.

So for starters, my tribe won immunity the other day, so we got the tribal break we deserved! Now, waiting on arena, where Juls from my tribe, Landen from Miraitowa, and Jordan from Sonkei are competing for Silver and Bronze, then Pete and Billy are competing for the gold. In which, my ideal scenario is Billy winning the gold and coming back, as I feel like he could be a potential ally I could have come another swap or merge if him and I make it there together. Then I'd want Juls to win the silver, since it'd be helpful for next challenge for yushu, then can potentially win another immunity! Preferably in this scenario, Landen wins the Bronze, just so that one of the other tribes don't end up coming back with two medals. Anyways, this game is fun, and I made final 19, now to see if I can find anything in Olympic Village this next round, as I have still yet to find something.

I'm going to go ahead and try to improve this situation slightly. I think I have the makings of a fantsatic position, it just needs to be perfect. Billy and Emma fighting at tribal while Chris was doing his own thing pretty much sums up everything I needed. I need either Chris or Jordan to be my new #1. Jordan appears to be a paranoid nut, Chris is the opposite. I tend to have greater successes with the paranoid nut, but who knows. They need to like me back, which is easier said than done. If Billy comes back we are likely winning the challenge. We won't of course, cause that's who we are, but who knows. My semester starts up tomorrow, which is going to harm my activity a tad, and I'm already not that active, but we'll see how that influences anything.

I DID IT I DID IT I FUCKING DID IT THEY ALL THOUGHT ID JUST BE A FORGETTABLE PREJURY BOOT ID SUCK AT ARENA AND BE DONE AND GUESS WHAT IVE NEVER DONE ANY SKYPE ORGS BEFORE AND I STILL FUCKING DID IT SCREW YOU JACOB C SCREW YOU SAMMY SCREW YOU NICOLE AND SCREW YOU KEVIN I AM HERE BECAUSE I FOUGHT FOR IT AND I FUCKING WANTED IT BAD AND I TOOK OUT BILLY TO BE HERE!!! HELL FUCKIN YEAH DUDE IM NOT PLAYING NICE WITH ANY OF THESE BITCHES ANYMORE

I’ll do a video later. Billy got voted out which was unfortunate as I really like billy and vibe with him but it doesn’t make sense to flip when I think I’m in a good position right now. I had a good convo with Sarah, really vibe with her. I have my alliance with Jordan, Jacob, and Em which I feel good about they’re just real quiet. Need to talk to them more 1 on 1. I have my duo with Pines that I feel real confident about. I hope that’s not my downfall this game but I think pines and I are gonna do great things.

https://streamable.com/2bc03 - pete wins the gold medal.mp4

Well baby dolls, basically eve tried to exclude me from an alliance but I beat that bitch to the punch! And my fearsome foursome played her like a fiddle while she thought I was going home unanimous in all actuality we had the upper hand and dropped the hammer on Pete 4-2, with Landen volunteering for the arena Eve was left to fend for herself for cute little 24 hours and chaos ensued when she realized what happened hopping between calls and chats to damage control for her lack of judgement in including me into things, therefore she feels on the outs and while I was a part of this scheme and to an extent playing a role of the victim who found solace in a group of three who wanted to vote for me, all of which is false, I’m still using these moments to rebuild a bridge I never knew got burned to ashes so she can potentially INCLUDE me in things going forward, after all we’re both out of the loop right? ;)

Tribal was quite spicy. Nobody reacted to Stoner rolling a blunt while em and billy were arguing and my soul left my body from trying not to laugh. Just found out Billy is not coming back, which honestly whew, because I feel like he'd come back with some vengeance. He's probably a good team player normally, but my only impression was..not great! Hopefully we can come together as a tribe now and aim to NOT go to tribal in the first place. Although I still feel like, entering into this new tribe, there are many, many layers. Salty, spicy layers. Like a delicious onion dip.

Nicole, watch your ass.

So let me backtrack to before tribal. You’re probably wondering how I got here! *record scratch* Anyway, so we constructed a tribe to have a 4-3 majority, and in doing that there was always going to come a day where when we lost we would have to choose who was going to go between Pete, Eve and Landen. I feel badly because, they’re newbies and obviously putting a reasonable effort into this game BUT, it’s the name of the game, if the returnees didn’t band together we were going to get picked off and have a hard time like Karen is on their tribe. Anyway, so the day comes and we have to go to tribal. NONE of the newbies talked to me about game before we lost. I need to point that out. As soon as we lost Eve said “what the hell are we gonna do now”....m’am! WE? WHO’S WE? anyway, I played along and was just about to tell her we were going to vote out Pete when she says she was on a tribe with Pete and could make a good number for us. She says I can pull in Jacob...Jacob can pull in Sammy...hold on a minute. Are we leaving out Kevin? WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE KEVIN? This might as well be a Home Alone sequel because they’re leaving Kevin out of EVERYTHING! or at least that’s what I’m being told (more on that later). So I don’t want any weird advantages to get pulled out of anyone’s pocket at tribal and so I obviously go along with it, I say everyone is fine, Jacob will vote with them, we hate Kevin. Basically whatever we need to do. Honestly, I don’t feel bad. You can’t not talk to people for a full two rounds and then decide when you lose you now have a majority. Anyway so, good thing we kept the Pete vote a secret! Because I feel like Eve would have been able to make whoever had the advantage (Juls, I think) use it on Pete and then we would have been REALLY screwed. Anyway, it worked out. We voted for Pete. He left. Eve yelled. The more than curious thing that happened after the vote that makes me second guess my whole alliance is the fact that Beck came out of nowhere and told me that Sammy knew about the advantage because Juls was talking about it on a call (WHICH IS AGAINST THE RULES BC SHES AT THE ARENA BUT I GUESS WE JUST FORGET THAT PART FOR NOW BECAUSE THERES A BIGGER POINT) Anyway, in short I need to focus on keeping more info for myself and not telling my alliance. I’m used to having a ride or die alliance that I can pour info into like I did with Kinky Booties in Seychelles. I knew that info was going to aid in me going forward. Here I’m not so sure. They could literally vote me out next if they want me and push Eve into my spot because she’s a newbie and in that way, less of a threat. But anyway I tell Beck, as I’m telling them, Beck keeps writing to me as if he is being instructed to tell me more info. I don’t know if it was Juls (again, against the f*ing rules, these newbies are..!!!) or if it was someone in the alliance, maybe Jacob or Kevin. I wouldn’t think Sammy but, I don’t know. Anyway I don’t feel safe, and I’ve beat my lowest placement that I’ve ever gotten BUT, that doesn’t mean I want to get out just yet. I don’t feel good about winning this game but I would like to make it onto a jury for once (I’m always at FTC if I get past premerge 🥳) That’s all I got so far, check back in for my MENTAL BREAAAAK after immunity results for next round bc if we lose, I’m gonna cry. I can’t deal with this again, especially since the whole Pete situation has been pawned off on me.

SO we ended up switching the vote within the last few hours to save Karen <3! Karen made a push to save herself by going after one of the OG Blue tribe (Ben) and I was fine with the vote since me and Beck had already been in the works to blindside him in the future and since I think Karen will be more reliable at the moment I was willing to stick my neck out if Juls and Caeleb were down for the plan. With that being said I left it in their hands to make the decision so that it feels like I'm with them and shows them as power players to Beck. As soon as they made the decision I ran to Beck with the news so that he would be in the minority and for him to tell Darcy. I ended up voting Karen because I knew she would be safe but I wanted to create doubt and paranoia in everyone's mind on who voted with Ben and I think I wouldn't be the first suspect you think of. Only a subtle move. For the arena I was rooting for Billy to win to cause chaos on the Sonkei tribe and so that Pete would go home because I think Pete might become a big threat and I rather he be out now than later. Also apparently Juls used the exile to make Landen safe from their tribal council it was obvious they were each other's #1 but now other people are starting to see it. I think that we need to put an end to it because she's telling people like Sammy about her power who she's not even on a tribe with, so it shows she's planning on jumping ship the moment she's not on this tribe. Juls NEEDS to go home. I'm gonna push for her to go home this round, next time I'm on call with Beck I'm gonna try to convince him his best move is to get rid of Juls so that way a big threat is outta the game, and it makes the game that much smoother sailing. It might upset Caeleb but honestly I find people like Darcy and Karen very easy to work with and willing to work closely with me in the long term in comparison to himself or Juls. So my plan is to try and get Beck to consider going after Juls stating how she is not going to be loyal to us come a swap unlike Karen or Darcy would be.

I, big dumb dumb, would like to retract and apologize about what I said about Beck and Juls bc when Beck told me I actually did message Juls saying I’m stressed and it didn’t occur to me that I ALSO BROKE THE RULES. I turned myself in but, yeah......it’s way harder to remember not to talk to people than I realized. Shame on me for JUDGING THEM for being newbies and not knowing how to follow the rules. This is the opposite of my proudest moment lmao

Whew what a round. BIlly is gone and honestly gonna miss the guy, I think he would have been a great shield for me at early merge, but im not too bothered by it, because Pete is somoene I think I can work with, so like good either way with this one. If we go to tribal again I am going to be in a very awkward position. Because I dont want to vote out sarah and I think the rest of the tribe does, meaning Im gonna need to make a decision if she is gonna be expendable to me or not. ideally we win until a swap but judging by our performances so far... I wouldnt count on it. I think if we did lose Id convince stoner to work with Sarah and to take out one of emma or jacob. I liek them both but at this point Im running out of options. Im sure theyd do the same in my shoes. I'd like a tribe swap, but in the same sense Im a lil scared of a tribe swap too haha.

youtube

Reallllyyyyy tired of going to tribal. Kinda scared of billy now

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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phxse-shifter · 5 years

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Bones [ Kaito / Sharon – Chapters 1 & 2]

A redo of a fic that was previously posted on my NSFW blog. Chapters 1 and 2 are redone here, and the title revised. The rest of the chapters will be posted separately.

Summary: In the Midas Group, scandals and confrontations are the norm and Kaito is immediately thrown into just how harsh working for the elusive and dangerous Dr. X. One thing leads to another and he ends up partners with Sharon, who’s more than willing to help him become a powerful figure in the Midas Group. Told in Kaito’s POV.

“You are my god, you are my soul, you’re my savior in a devil’s world—and I can’t exist without you, I can’t exist without you.”

“You are my drug, my miracle, you are my cure in this infected world-- and I can’t do this without you, I’m dying here without you.”

It was clear that when I started working with her, that I had no chance of escaping her clutches. She is the Black Widow, and I am her prey. I both blessed and cursed Dr. X for making me her partner. It was something I thought about since I first started working for him, but thought I would never see come to fruition due to her status. Even now, I would have much preferred my own area but to him, I wasn’t trustworthy enough for that. I needed to be “watched”, he says. By someone more trustworthy. I’d already had a recent strain of failures in regards to his wishes– which I still didn’t understand or bother trying to in detail– so he wasn’t trying to give me favor. To him, I was on thin ice. Not even that, but trying to fight my way through frigid waters.

Two days ago, I first entered the lab of Dr. Sharon Gagliardi.

Who would have thought that the most dangerous and intelligent woman of the science community would be working for the devil incarnate? She was revered far and wide by many. Anyone would kill to work with her. To be in my place. Well, that was their problem. I’m her partner now, and by the looks of it, I’m going to be staying here with her for a bit.

However, I mess THIS up—our partnership, she’s going to tell Dr. X, and he’s either going to fire or maim me. That, or before she tells him, I’ll end up one of her “detailed little experiments” just for pissing her off in the wrong way or going against her. Her stoic face can’t hide her often cruel intentions. Working for Dr. X would do that to someone, still, it’s actually surprising to me. When she plots, and I ask her, albeit reluctantly, if she needs “assistance”, she laughs me off, saying I would destroy her plans instantly. I’m going to prove her wrong, if she would allow me to do that.

I know she thinks of herself as some sort of goddess or whatever. I don’t care too much about that, except for the fact she thought of me of some sort of eyesore. I was more or less her errandboy, and was not allowed to do anything remotely interesting for her. When I kept to myself, even that was a bother for her. It’s frustrating, because I do respect her… but she barely respected me.

“Daichi.”

Ah, yes. She only used my last name. I’m used to that, because my culture showed respect by using the last name, yet the way she says mine is mocking. I look her in the eyes and say nothing, awaiting her next cruel statement, and icy glare. Instead it never comes, and she sighs, as if I’d disappointed her and turns on her heel, walking away. This is what I was going to deal with until I could prove myself to Dr. X and beg him for my own personal laboratory.

“You know, Gagliardi, all you have to do is tell Dr. X you don’t want me here,” I say to her, almost praying she’d make up some elaborate lie to get me out of here. “I bet it’d solve a whole lot of problems for you.”

She pauses, turning around with a strange, cold smile on her face, and fixes her glasses.

“Contrary to your popular belief, I don’t find you that repulsive. You just need work.”

“Elaborate,” I ask her. It may have sounded like an order, but I know she secretly likes when someone stands up to her. It surprises her. Makes her think.

She entertains me. “For starters, your work makes you worthy of being here. I’ve noted your designs stemming from Japan. You recently opened them up outside of your country. You’ve helped many with them, including those with disabilities—but you’re incredibly naïve. Your decision… Out of all the people you chose to work with… chose to work for the leader of the Midas Group, despite all the media telling you about the conspiracies, which are true. Why here?”

I freeze. For the first time since I’ve started working with her, she complimented me. I didn’t even think she gave my work a second glance! Yet, she did. I thank her quickly, but contemplate her next words. My reasons for choosing to work for Dr. X are a mixed mess, though I won’t exactly tell her that.

“I know choosing to work with Dr. X is something that a sane person wouldn’t choose to do, but I knew what I was doing when I approached him and I know what I’m doing now, Gagliardi. My reasoning will remain secret, for now. I just need more time.”

“Very well.”

We leave it at that. Throughout the remainder of our work for today, I can feel her eyes on me. I feel her looking at my every move, as if she’s analyzing me in my entirety. I’m trying my best to put something together but I can’t exactly do that since I know she’s looking at me and most likely judging me. She’s sitting, crossing her leg, fiddling her thumbs but still looking at me and I almost hate that. It’s bothering me, so much, so, so much so that the next stack of papers I pick up shake in my hands, a signal that my heart’s racing.

Next, I don’t even hear her footsteps despite her always wearing heels. She comes up behind me and grabs both of my wrists, stabilizing me by force. Her hands are soft against mine. She’s so close that some of her golden tresses rest on her shoulder, yet that does nothing to calm me. She’s never been this close to me and I don’t know how to feel about this.

“You’re shaking,” she noted.

I try not to roll my eyes. It can’t be helped that I’m shaking. I’m nervous. Nervous, but not scared.

“I didn’t notice,” I respond, sarcasm laced into my voice.

Oddly enough, she chuckles as she releases her grip, allowing me to put the stack of papers back down. She fiddles her hair, as if nothing has happened, and returns to her chair. This time she doesn’t look my way, and I’m able to get all tasks done. It’s as if she’s isn’t in the room. Why is she doing these things? To get something out of me? What does she want now? Things would be so much better if she didn’t do things like this.

“You seem to do much better when you’re isolated,” she noted quietly, her back still turned.

“Thanks,” I respond, sarcastically once again to her. “It’s the anxiety. I’d much rather not be near anyone– especially someone who considers my presence babysitting.”

“I do not consider your presence babysitting,” She opposes me greatly, standing up and walking towards me. Her eyes pierce mine, and her words are strong without the slightest hesitation in her voice. I know she is telling me the truth. I wanted to put her on the spot, to get her to admit something. I didn’t want to let her win but it backfired in such a strange way. “Like I said, you need work. You need more experience here, but I do not consider your presence that of a child.”

I don’t know how to respond. I can tell her words are true as I noted earlier, but it’s so unexpected. I thought she hated me even, despite respecting my work. You can respect the work but not the person to some extent. I open my mouth to apologize but she cuts me off.

“Come earlier tomorrow.”

I sigh. “Look, Gagliardi, I know you want someone to wake up for you at the crack of dawn but I actually-”

“Not for me,” she cuts in. For Dr. X. He’s coming to access our work tomorrow. Yours, specifically. The man’s always up at some ungodly hour so he’s using that to his advantage tomorrow.”

I sigh again. The creations I’ve made, mainly my cybernetics, would not be enough to please him. My cybernetics were made mostly to alter one’s body and he already had many creations involving that. Even with the ones I’ve made for weapons would be of no use to him. Dr. X had the power ot freeze over cities if he really wanted to. My worries are many, but instead of speaking all of those to Gagliardi of all people? I say the one thing that just manages to pop out of my mouth.

“…This man has a wife.”

I get her to laugh. “Oh trust me, Dr. X is a cakewalk compared to her.”

I raise my brows. “Really?”

She looks at me in surprise.

“You haven’t seen her? She’s almost always with him, at his side, and dressed in purple. Her hair covers her right eye. She is unavoidably the cruelest, and always gets her way, but she loves Dr. X to death. She has the power to get rid of someone herself. Don’t mess with her. For your own sake.”

My heart raced. What if she were with him tomorrow? If even Gagliardi was scared of her, then I would be terrified. Would she think my talent was so worthless that she would tell her husband to get rid of me or even do it herself? I try to tell myself I’m overthinking things. This is Dr. X. He always had the final say. Maybe she had insight on certain matters but she wasn’t the final determiner… Right?

“I’ll help you, of course,” she says suddenly.

“Why? Gagliardi, I-”

“I want to help you.” She responds. For as long as I’ve been here, there has been no suitable partner for me. I want you to stay here. I would much rather work with you and help you to stay here. Now get ready for tomorrow.

Before I can ask her to elaborate, she tells me quickly to get ready for tomorrow while almost pushing me out. I know I won’t be able to sleep.

I needed to be certain I wouldn’t end up as someone Dr. X– or his wife– maimed.

End of Chapter 1.

This time, I didn’t care about waking up early. I woke two hours early to head to the lab Gagaliadi and I shared. I looked at the time briefly and it was about three am. When she said Dr. X is awake at ungodly hours, she was right. He is our leader, after all. He must have to check every little detail before he is able to sleep soundly. When I entered our lab, of course Gagliardi was there, and I noticed my papers were out on the table, sorted neatly. All I would have to do is hand them over to Dr. X without a word and that’s exactly what I was going to do.

What’s alarming is that Gagliardi told me earlier that these visits were frequent even when I wasn’t here, so he wasn’t just out for me, so why did I feel he was? I see her now. She looked conflicted. Sitting in her chair, crossing her leg, and waving her own notes idly, she didn’t move her head to look at me, and didn’t acknowledge me. That was strange. She would have at least said something. Normally, I wouldn’t care considering when she looked my way it was often to criticize despite her objection yesterday but the expression she had wasn’t her usual. I am not compelled to speak. I don’t dare interrupt her. She hates that and would have no problem insulting me if I did so.

Instead, she is the one that breaks the deafening silence.

“This is the fifth time this month,” is all she said.

My eyes look towards the white floor tiles. She and I were both on edge. Her soft, worried voice is foreign to me. I’ve never heard her speak or act this way even though I’ve worked with her for so little.

“He’s planning something,” she continued.

Dr. X could be planning anything. He was… Unpredictable to say the least. We never knew his intentions, however there was one rule I knew was law in the Midas Group. What Dr. X wants is what Dr. X gets. All resistance denied. No one wanted nor dared to say ‘no’ to him. No one wanted to see him enraged. It was terrifying and I didn’t even know what it looked like, but I did know what it sounded like. When I and the rest of the Group knew he was angry, we heard screams and had to drown out the noise with something else.

“Is it something we’ll have to… Assist him with?” I ask her, my voice unable to be above a whisper.

I can see the dread in her face.

“You and I had better hope not,” she responded.

I wanted to ask why, but our doors opening did not allow that. My heart skips a beat and like clockwork, Gagliardi gets up almost immediately, wiping the blank expression off of her face and stands next to me and I straigten myself out, forcing the worry and dread off of my face. I could not look weak. I would not look weak.

Dr. X is as I remember him. Intimidating. Showing his status and power, and not here for niceties in any way. He does not speak until another person enters. She is just as Gagliardi described her.

The woman who entered stood next to Dr. X, her arms crossed. There was a mystery to her. I wanted to know more about her instantly. She was like a siren, singing a song that led sailors to their death. She, like described previously, was wearing purple and gold. Her hair was indeed over the right side of her face, and her hands were gloved. Our eyes connect but before my body makes me freeze, I give a formal bow.

“Dr. X, Dr…-“

I didn’t know her name.

“Elaine,” she responded.

“-Dr. Elaine. Welcome.”

“A pleasure to have you both,” Gagliardi greets them herself. “We’re pleased to see you.”

Our greetings done, Dr. X walks over to our table, surveying our notes. I wanted to speak on my latest work, but I wouldn’t be allowed to do so. Dr. X’s wife- Dr. Elaine—approaches me. She looks at me like predator hunting prey. Up and down. To the sides, before her eye pierces mine. That deep black color that I couldn’t stop looking at. I couldn’t move. Why could I not move? I wanted to move but I couldn’t move. Anything to put more space between us but I can’t move. My heart is racing? Why in the name of everything couldn’t I MOVE?

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” she spoke to me.

Her voice is like the siren’s I compared her to earlier. I feel like I’m in a trance, as if I’m only supposed to pay attention to her lest I receive a swift and painful punishment. If I don’t pay attention to her, I’ll die. I have to follow and respect her every move. I will die. I will die if I don’t. I’ll die.

“We… We haven’t,” I said in a quiet, submissive voice. “I am-“

She chuckled. “-Dr. Kaito Daichi. My husband has told me a lot about you.”

I am completely frozen. At her mercy. I don’t know entirely if if her that’s really doing something to me, but I can’t move and the only thing I’m thankful for is that I can still control my eyes and overall expressions despite the trance. I try my best to not show fear, though I don’t have a damn clue if it’s working. She doesn’t stop looking at me and it reminds me of how much Gagliardi looks at me when she’s observing my work. Except with her I don’t feel like I’m going to die.

“Your devices are useful… Though, they are not what I’m looking for, nor am I overly impressed. After all this, and me being gracious enough to pair you with Dr. Gagliardi, you still haven’t made something for me?” I register Dr. X speking. I have to defend myself but I’m still forced to look at Dr. Elaine. If she really is doing this, then I want to test a theory.

I won’t allow it to end this way. I know I’m worthy of being here. My creations were not noted in my home country just because they look pleasing. They are worthy and I will be more than willing to prove it. Can’t you just tell him that? Please? Believe in me, if that is what you wish.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why, but Dr. Elaine’s gaze is different. It’s like she heard me. It’s like she’s thinking about what I said—no. What I thought.

I’m even more surprised as Gagliardi even tries to defend me herself, being my voice.

“Doctor, you know his inventions-“

“Quiet, Dr. Gagliardi.” Dr. Elaine interrupts her. “Anything that needs to be addressed will be asked by my husband.”

I can’t tell with my eyes, but I know he’s just looking at my inventions mockingly and wondering the best way to kill me so his secret is safe. The hold Dr. Elaine has over me… Breaks. She moves from me, grabs her husband’s arm, and she shakes her head disapprovingly. What is she doing?

“My love,” she says softly. “You mustn’t be so harsh. Dr. Daichi is still new. A fresh bud. You haven’t let him cultivate. Don’t be so, so mean, my love. He needs time and we have enough time for now.”

“Elaine-”

“Time is precious, my love,” she says sweetly. “Don’t be so hasty.”

“Fine,” Dr. X says.

Did she just defend me herself? However, my relief is instantly taken away.

“You make the conditions.”

I knew this would happen.

Dr. X turns on his heel and escorts himself out. I can see Gagliardi look as if she’s seen a ghost on my behalf, and I know this isn’t going to end well for me. I’m forced to look at Dr. Elaine, who was more than terrifying at this point once again again, and she takes her index finger and traces my cheek. I will myself to look at her strongly. Her next words shock the hell out of me.

“Dr. Daichi… Do not allow it to end this way.”

And just like that, she was gone.

I can’t force myself to be strong anymore. I sank to my knees. I wondered if it were too late to run away. To go in hiding? I begin breathing heavily. My head begins to hurt. I’m fucking sleep deprived. It was all too much and I’m on the verge of panicking. My heart is beating rapidly. I have to calm down or things will get worse. If my health deteriorates I’ll really be useless like Dr. X already thinks. The worst thing? I’m doing it in front of Gagliardi. I feel embarrassed. Almost disgusted with myself.

But she’s not ridiculing me. She’s not criticizing me.

She’s next to me, on her own knees, and pulls me close, holding me. She strokes my hair and it feels strange, but comforting, as if she was trying to protect me. It would take a bit to calm down, but this was certainly helping. She was helping me. Even if she’s doing this out of pity, I don’t care. It’s helping me. I’ll be alright soon. I’ll be alright.

“I alone will get Dr. X off of your shoulders,” she says, determined. “I’ll make this end. I won’t let anyone cause you to leave here.”

I hold on to her almost for dear life.

“Why… Why couldn’t I move?” I ask her.

“That was Elaine. She can do that. She does it so the recipient’s words do not influence her husband. Though, it makes him judge more harshly. Elaine defended you, however. She has never done that. Ever.”

I think I know why. It’s because Dr. Elaine can read my thoughts. She heard me. I don’t know how or why, but she heard me and in the end, that small moment of faith in me is what has me still standing—on a spiritual note. Me being on my knees right now isn’t exactly me “standing” right now. Still, I feel compelled to thank her when I see her again, and I’ll be seeing more of her again.

Gagliardi wills me to stand, and has me face her. Her words is something that would follow me over and over again for as long as I tried to prove myself.

“Realize one thing– You actively chose to work for Dr. X,” she begins. “No matter the desperation you had and your motif, you chose to do this when there were other options you could have ventured to. Do not presume to think yourself innocent and incapable of cruelty. You have to embrace that side of you. You have to be strong. There are moments where you’ll have to show heartlessness. You will have to be cruel. You will have to do things that… Are not ethical in the slightest. That truth will set you free.”

#game of dice #fic series: bones #kaito & sharon #i'm bad at summaries lol #i tried

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memoirs-to-myself · 5 years

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The World Can Be Tricked Re;DUX

This has been one lackluster journal, blog, whatever, hasn’t it? What started as a simple way to cowardly way to vent, went to daily reports, occasional pics and posts, and long absences due to actual journaling in late 2014-early 2015 (which are sadly lost, more on that later), then lack of interest, computer availability, and last but not least, tumblr taking the crapper (yes 2011 me, I know, insane right?)

What was my point, again? I had a point writing this, right? Oh yes, the memoirs, right.

I’ve always been, well, kind of different. I experience the world in a different sense than most people. If you’re reading this, chances are you already know that. One of the ways I like to view the world, ever since I was a little kid, was like a book series. Sometimes video game series, or a long movie series, but book series seemed to appeal to me more. Probably because of the length. I would always wonder to myself as a kid,” Is this my backstory? How many books am I already in? Has my story begun?” The thought has never really left me. “If my life were a book series, where would the first book start” Kind of a hard philosophical question of you think about it. Well, I think I have an answer, or at least one to give a purpose to this blog and possibly give it a future.

Let’s say my story started the moment I created this “secret blog”. I know, I know, there are plenty of important defining moments before I created this blog, and for all intents and purposes, those can all be my prequels. But the actual start of my mind library, or memoirs-to-myself (get the blog name? My mind’s been secretly planning this for years) is February 2, 2012. Excellent, now we have a starting point for my first book. And it just so happens be the starting point of this blog, oh my goodness, how convenient.

You might be asking yourself, “Hey Zach, How does this book series metaphor even work?” and I say, excellent question, trusted friend and/or future Zach! (Thanks for playing along buddy) I think of the “series” as my entire life, from start to finish, the “books” are the major stages of my life, possibly as childhood, adulthood, and retirement for example, “chapters” to being long stretches of time, “pages” being big moments on a smaller scale. That’s normally how I structure my life as I think back on it. I know, I’m a weird one, right?

But why start the books here, almost 17 years into my life already? Well, this is around the time I believe I started thinking for myself and becoming my own person. The start of who I am today, so to speak. However, I know I’ll want to chronicle the 16 years prior, and for that, I’ll probably view that as my prequel or backstory, if you will, so it stills stays within my book series motif. That story is for another time though, because I need to get to my point and I’ve already spent 45 MINUTES (oh my god) writing this part up and I don’t think i’m even close to done.

God have mercy.

The point being is that I believe the first book of my life is over. And if this blog is all a representation of that, then it is a poor one. I would like to fill in some gaps, clarify a few moments and memories that need proper spotlight. After all, I didn’t know I was in some of the best times of my life. And some of my worst. How could I? I want to use this blog as a library of sorts for my memories for as long as I can, and to do that, I need to redo the chronicling of my first book “The World Can Be Tricked”. Hence the ReDUX in the name of the title. This post will be a timeline of sorts of the important events that happened in that book. Everything before this post was written from me from the perspective of that book. This a retelling of the events after time has past. I plan to do these for all my “books” as a therapeutic way to reminisce and grow.

So without further ado, Let’s ReDUX:

2012- Wow. What a year. ZachZachMoore at his finest. I actually take back what I said earlier, this is a great place to start my story. The year I turned 17, the height of my high school career, the year I thought I fell in love. Already best friends with Jeffrey, Bloo at the time. Thats when I met Alex, Duff, Satiel, and even Kieth. Being a teenager was wild. Back then, I was still heavily involved with my youth group, wanted to be a youth pastor, was Prof. Plum in Clue, star performer in show choir, and was section leader when our marching band did Mechanize, the most successful show DCHS ever put on. It’s the year I became a senior, which is eventful on it’s own. Minecraft came out, friends had cars. It’s also the year where I didn’t get a lead in my last musical but all my theater friends did, the year I got my heart broken, and the year I started smoking pot. A year of beginnings alright and the peak of my teenage years. I had no idea where my rollercaster life was going, but I knew I was on top of the peak. You can say I was not ready for the first loop

2013- The first month of 2013 of was pretty normal. I was transiting from PC gaming from my ancient XP (rip sims 3) to modern (ish) console gaming due to my new XBox 360 and 3DS. My terrible school future had a light at the end of the tunnel, with moving going to the DEC, giving me a easy way to catch up on credits and not having to be at school all day. Things were looking good for me. Then Mom and I lost our home. Due to new management, and my mom having a terrible payment plan with the old management, we were evicted on the spot, had 24 hours to move. It was traumatic to say the least. I had lived there for over 7 years, it was the closest thing I had to a childhood home, that and my grandparents house. And in a night, it was gone. I didn’t even get to truly say goodbye. After that, Mom and I moved in with Grandma Judy, and Aunt Tami. It was not ideal. I kind of just shut down the rest of the school year after that. I barely talked to my family, started partying when I could, slacked off on my studies, lost faith in my religion (found Danganronpa and Nico B, but didn’t fully engage in them. Yet) . And then I was 18, laying in a dorm bed at Olivet Nazarene University for Celebrate Life 2013. I was laying there, thinking about my future. If things went as I had planned up to this point, then by this time next year, I would be laying here. but as a student, in the next stage of my life. It didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel right. Then I had graduated. I still missing some credits but I essentially scammed my way through and got a diploma anyway. That marks the start of the summer of 2013, my post graduate summer. Yes, I got fucked up. That was also the start of the Dope Fam, a collection of friends we had in school and just people that were in our class. They taught us to smoke cigs, party hard, and “trip” on triple C’s. Bad influences to be sure but hey. So were we. Then, on July 19th, I had on of the worst experinces of my life. I refer to it as the incident, and I plan on giving it a whole post in itself at some point. For now, now it was a “bad trip” of sorts, and it truly terrified me to the core. This whole first book is about me transitioning for a child to an adult, but this moment truly gave me a head start. It is definitely the start of my depression, even if I didn’t know it at the time. Moving on, this cycle of partying and staying at Papaws continued all throughout the year, I even practically moved in during the fall. But by the end of the year, I was back at my Grandmas, with my mom

2014- Once again, the start of the year was pretty much the same as last year. There wasn’t a real change til around April, when I officially moved into Papaw’s camper with Jeffrey, and started working with him in Landscaping. That lasted until it didn’t. We had sorta moved out of Papaw’s at that point, and were staying at a value hotel, when we weren’t partying at D-Mo’s, but without jobs, we couldn’t afford to stay there anymore. We stayed at Alex’s a bit, starting the three of us calling each goons (showed us death note, started my love on anime), re found Danganronpa and binged it to it’s sequel, securing my taste in Japanese storytelling, bought my iphone 5s, my first phone I 100% bought for myself, and moved into Jennifer’s garage in Ingalls in the middle of the summer, in the middle of nowhere, to the point where I didn’t get service for my new phone. At this point, Alex got us a Job working at the Marriott. Satiel worked there also. Around September, my depression was in full swing and I was convinced I was going to die at 19 because I was going to kill myself (Only thing that stopped myself was that I haven’t played KH3). Dark times indeed. Jeffrey wasn’t faring too hot either, with every girl under the sun taking advantage of him. He even got a cat, Jamenson. We needed a change or we were going to suffocate. So we did. On the final days of November, Jeffrey and I moved into our first apartment together, off of Ditch Road, at the Northwest Retreat, bare bones and broke as fuck, referred to now as “THE apartment”. We viewed it at the start of a new chapter. We had no idea how right we were

2015 Part 1: Part 1? As if this wasn’t long enough?!?! I’m sorry, but there’s such a drastic shift in my life in the middle of 2015 that I have to split it up. It’s also a good place to visualize the middle of my first book, so that’s a plus. Anyway, sometime in January, Eric started working at the Marriott. We befriended him immediately (Do you smoke? Smoke What?) and invited him over to the apartment. We quickly learned that his best friend named Richie lived in the same apartment and also invited him over. This is the start of the Goon Squad, a pre-evolution of the family I have now. For the majority of the first half of the year, Alex, Eric, Rico, Satiel, Jeffrey, and I spent our days chilling and smoking, not giving a damn about anything. This is when we decided we all true friends for each other. But working at the Marriott was brutal, non rewarding, and ridiculous and after 8 months, I caved and quit, promising a new job. After awhile, everyone quit, Alex moved in for a month, and we partied even harder. But we dropped all responsibilities, started acting like kids again. At this point in my depression, I was convinced I was trash and didn’t have a personal reason to exist in this world, except for KH3, which wasn’t much. So I just ran with my life at that moment, living for the Goon Squad. It was enough for me so I didn’t think of the Consequences. And so, in July, we were evicted from THE apartment. Jeffrey moved back to his mom’s. And I, along with Jamenson, who I essentially adopted at that point, moved back to mine, who had gotten a small one bedroom apartment, and had poor communication with me, which was all my fault, due to me being upset that all of my childhood belongings were lost, which was also my fault really. It was not a good time. Then it was June.

2015 Part 2: My mom asks me to get a job. I pretend to try and don’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything, for anyone. I felt abandoned by the very people I started to live for, though I now imagined they felt the same way. My relationship with my mom had changed drastically with me being 19, and I hadn’t felt fully comfortable with that change, let alone living with alcoholism again. I couldn’t enjoy any of my interests anymore, and I had no reason to move forward, even to help my mom, which I knew was selfish and I punished myself for it, causing an endless cycle of self hate. My depression was in full swing again. My friends weren’t faring better. Eric and Rico could barely show up to all our gatherings when we could have them, so they felt as if they were being forgotten. Satiel thought we were all moving on, Alex felt like a cheafur, I felt abandoned, and Jeffrey felt so thrown away, he dated the worst girl alive. ugh. Then Jeffrey got sick. Very sick. It was very possible he could die. It brought us to our senses that we were being petty and needed to come together. It was frightening and eye opening. When Jeffrey woke up, we all promised again to always be there for each other. I felt like things were looking up. The next night, I watched my grandma die. Yeah. The next night. My family was a mess of emotions. I could barely feel a thing. As I've stated, I sort just shut down when I can’t process things. That wasn’t an option this time, as I had my mother to think about. So I only turned off part of myself, except I don’t know if I ever turned it back on again. I’ve never enjoyed celebrating my birthday after that, since they’re so close. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. I don’t know if I ever will. My mom got some money back and wanted to do something great with it, so at least something positive can come out of this dark time. So, she fulfilled my long time childhood dream of owning a laptop. With that, I was back into the PC world. To be strong for my mom, I knew I had to sort something out with myself. so I found new interests, mainly Danganronpa and Nico B, learning that I can be passionate about something nerdy and not be alone, raising my spirits greatly. At this point, Jeffrey broke it off with {nameredacted} and moved in with me and my mom, and we all started moving forward again.

2016 - Oh boy. I knew 2016 was one of the books when I was living it but hot damn, this might be the best year of my life so far. So many good memories, friend building, family making, litest time ever. It’s the year Jeffrey met Krista, Rico met Rachael, Alex found Nico, Duff officially joined the group, Keith came back for a bit, Taylor showed up in our lives, I turned 21, and so, so, many snapchats. Raccoon Lake, Duff’s garage, Rico’s parents house, Alex’s car in my parking lot. We all hung out as much as we could. 2015 is when we became friends, a squad. 2016 is when we became family. So many memories that I could go on and on and on. Zero Time Dilemma came out that year. Nico played Kingdom Hearts and fell in love. I found Steins;Gate, arguably the greatest story ever written. 2016 wasn’t without it’s bad though. I still couldn’t keep a job, and I wasn’t doing my mom any favors by letting her take care of me. 2016 was the year I “dated” Cheyenne and stopped looking for something romantic, feeling that it wasn’t for me. I was so caught up in trying to like my life again, I didn’t realize the sacrifices people were making for me to even get the time to think about it. Alas, I was blissfully ignorant, living in the glow of 21-ness. The year passed with no real page turners. Just good memories.

2017- Kingdom Hearts 2.8 is coming out, the final piece of the puzzle before Kingdom Hearts 3. I need a PS4 to play both, so I guilt trip my drunk mom to buy me one, even though she definitely couldn’t afford it. At this point, I was still feeling like my mom still owned me something due to her alcoholism in my life, without realizing that even if that was true, she had paid that due and i was practically stealing from her at this point. Not gonna lie, I was kind of a shit this year. I just couldn’t see it at the time. With my PS4, I could play with mostly all the Goons, starting the co-oping time of my gaming life, directly leading me to Paragon, starting my competitive part of my gaming life, which I was sorely behind on. I was working warehouse to warehouse to appease my mom but not staying long enough to actually help her at all. Triple C’s weren’t cutting it anymore so Rico and I tried Acid, and Jeffrey and Krista tried Molly and we shared our results with the class. We finally found our party drug, and I finally got some closure on the incident. Jeffrey and Krista moved in together, after he proposed to her, and we made it our new trip central. I started streaming my gameplay and actually giving serious thought towards a future career in gaming. Then, in October, my mom and I got into a fight. A really bad one. I named it “The fight that ended” and I’ll probably explain that name and the event in detail in a later post. For now, It was a fight that made us realize that we couldn’t live together anymore. “We weren’t good for each other” she said. So she threw me out. Jeffrey and Krista took a shattered me back to their place. They said I could stay there but their lease was up in a month so we would all have to make quick plans. I knew at this point that I had changed into something I didn’t want to be, someone that hurt the ones he loved. That had to change. And now was a good as time as ever. So, the Goons made plans to move in together. And by plans, I mean threw all their chips in the pot and hoped for a flush. I got seriously employed, sold my laptop so I could have move in money, hardened myself for the journey. I was still shook from the fight with my mom but I had to grow so I stopped feeling and just moved. Through some divine power, we got our wish, and on November 22, Duff, Alex, Rico, Jeffrey, Krista, and I moved into the “Goon Pent”, a penthouse apartment in Castleton. A dream we all shared since THE apartment, had finally been realized. We were at an all time high, we were adults and we were making it work, together. After a rocky end, we were looking towards the future with hopeful eyes.

2018 - For the first 3 months of our lease, everything was cream and peaches. We all had jobs we were serious about, we were drinking or tripping every weekend in our own place, we kept the place clean and every one was one their own shit, Alex started dating Shelby, we even re branded the Goon Squad, to Goon Tang Clan, adding more members and friends we made along the years. Then I had an observed pee test which I couldn’t do, quit my job as a result, and wound up in the same place mentally as I was 3 months prior. I realized I hadn’t changed at all and in a cycle of self hate, I started doing the same thing I was doing at my mom’s: nothing. Duff fell into the same strut, Rico had an unreliable job, Krista and Jeffrey couldn’t find a job they could tolerate so they sold pot to make up the difference, which was also unreliable, making Alex having to cover the differences all the time. Things were starting crack, figuratively and literally, as we learned out penthouse wasn’t so luxurious as it was made out to be. We learned that while we were all great friends, we weren’t the greatest roommates to each other. We distracted ourselves with a month long stream, Taylor moving in, Paragon’s death, but by May, we were starting to get shitty with each. Me really getting shitty with me, cause at this point I had pawned all my stuff, and owned all my friends money. I had nothing to show for it and it was my birthday soon? No. I’ve had enough of doing nothing to just do something for a little while to make me feel better to just quit. I wanted to be someone my friends could depend on, after all the time I had depended on them. I didn’t need to be some superstar person to be of use to them. Even if I was a shitty person, I could still do this. I realized this world can be tricked, that I could have issues and still make it through life. And so, for the first time in a long time, and truly did something. On the eve of my 23rd birthday, I got employed and worked all summer. I cleaned up the house without compliant. I helped others with bills and help found jobs for others. I paid back all my debts and got my PS4 back, albeit with no games, forcing me to truly build a gaming library all by myself with no ties to my mother, I was never late or missed a day at work during that time, using my self hatred as fuel to work hard. In the summer of 2018, I finally changed for the better. Then we got some huge news: Rico was going to be a dad. So Rico moved out (though he’s over allllll the time), Shelby moved in, and we all agreed to one more year here, making the end of the lease in December 2019. In September, we were doing we but I was starting to get tired of cleaning all the time. My self hatred could only take me so far and it had died down quite a bit over the summer. It’s hard to be depressed when you’re always busy and actually tired. Though Kingdom Hearts 3 delay to January didn’t help any. The house was being divided though, with me on all sides. It was going to blow to a head soon so I tried to mitigate everything I could. From Duff’s Alcoholism, to Krista’s friends being over ( Newdell is the only important one to note), To Eric just being over, we were complaining about everything. It was at this point that I fully realized that our dream of living together, had an expiration date. This great moment of my life was starting to end. On Christmas that year, I was left wondering where would that leave me? I wasn’t afraid of the Squad breaking up, but if we all moved forward right now, what would I do? Could I exist on my own? And then it was

2019- I stare at my TV screen, the timer on it draining ever so slowly. Less than 5 minutes were on it but it might as well been years. Funny, considering how long I’ve been waiting for this moment, how long could 5 more minutes be. Very long in fact. Long enough to rethink your whole life to moment. It was 11:56 PM on January 28th, 2019. 4 minutes til Kingdom Hearts 3 was out. I had called off for this. I didn’t know it at the time but I was going to be temporarily fired for this. My friends were sitting in my room with me. They weren’t caught up on Kingdom Hearts but they were to watch me react. I’ve been waiting for this game for over a decade. I stayed alive for this game. I existed these past 7 years for this one wish, to play this game. In 3 minutes, that dream will come true. And I was terrified. For some reasons, understandable. Will I enjoy playing it, Will my favorite characters survive, Will it live up to all it’s hype. All rational fears to be sure. But one was screaming louder than the others. What now? All my life, I hadn’t have many personal goals for myself, choosing to live for others rather than myself. But with everyone slowly moving on without me, I have to learn to have hopes for myself. However, the few childhood dreams I had, I had already achieved. I found a family where I could be myself. I got my laptop, found nerdy games, moved in with the goons. The only one left was about to be delivered in 2 minutes to my PS4. “Are you excited?” someone says. “Yeah, I’m speechless” I stammered out, not quite a lie but no where near the whole truth. Am I excited? It’s the end of an era. End being the key word. I realized that I can no longer call myself a child anymore. I was an adult. What does that mean? A minute left of this time, this moment. How do I feel? What do I do now? Can I live on with everyone on my own strength. Am I strong enough? It was then I noticed my phone was buzzing. An alarm was going off. It was for the release of Kingdom Hearts 3. It was out. Before I could even blink, the moment was gone. I existed post Kingdom Hearts 3 world now. A world I never thought of living in. The song I chose for the alarm was reaching it’s chorus. I had a choice here, a choice that’s been present this entire first book. To finally move forward and change, or return to endless cycle that will doom me. It’s never been much of a choice. Either I stay in this moment pretending it’s perfect or I live to beat of the song thats been playing. To face your fears. I turn off the alarm and turn towards my PS4, with KH3 waiting to be played. A choice to make here. “Well are you going to press play?”

Not much of a choice at all

I faced my fears and pressed play

Ending “The World Can Tricked”

A book on how I learned to face my fears: myself

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jacscorner · 5 years

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Toku-Talk 01.2: Grapplerangers

So who remembers “Toku-Talk”, the segment where I talk about tokusatsu ideas that I have? Nobody? Too bad.

So on the 1st (of 2) Toku-Talks, I talked about my wrestling-themed Tokusatsu idea that was heavily influenced by Super Sentai. I won’t go over all of it, but I just wanna show that I eventually did do some basic Sentai-ish designs for my seven heroes. I’ll shoot a link to my dA where I eventually did put my Toku-Talk 1 at the end if you REALLY want the full re-cap, but trust me, you won’t need it here.

GrappleRed/GrappleLion: Ambitious young super star, a straight Face. His mask is based off of a Lion. He's a well-rounded fighter, making him a Jack of All Trades, Master of None. This is something that hinders him later on while the rest of the team have a specialty, but he lacks any sort of strength. When fighting, he takes the persona of a superhero, something along the lines of a Superman, high moral character. Under the mask, he's quiet and indecisive, would rather stand in the background instead of the limelight. His Finishing Move is the Lion Pride, where he grabs a foe from behind, jumps into the air-or off of a high spot-and performs a backwards suplex.

GrappleBlue/GrappleLynx: A more technical fighter, an old-school style that focuses more on joint locks. Her mask is based off of a Lynx. When fighting, she comes off as a cold, heartless woman and will verbally confirm to her enemies she enjoys the sound of their bones breaking. Under the mask, she's incredibly shy and a crybaby, she absolutely can't stand the idea of people-well, other than monsters-getting hurt. Her finishing move, the Lynx Lock, is something along the lines of the Boston Crab. Ala anime, the screen goes black and you see blue kanji for 'menacing' or 'death' as a cracking noise is heard.

GrappleGreen/GrappleTiger: The physically strongest fighter, Green specializes in throwing Lariats and throws. His mask is based off of a Tiger. In the ring, he's very boastful of his strength and will make loud declarations of how he will defeat his opponents-a gag of sorts is how his claims, like being able to pick and up and throw mountains will be incorporated in the visuals. Without the masks, he prefers to spend his time in textbooks and is a vivid reader. He has a passion for writing and wants to write a novel. His finishing move is the Tiger Tornado, where he spin like a tornado with his arms extended, either dragging people into his vortex or just knocking them around with his stretched out arms.

GrappleYellow/GrappleCheetah: A total heel and mischievous character, GrappleYellow starts off as the weakest member and will fight dirty, but he's also the slickest and fastest. His mask is based off of a Cheetah. He uses illegal moves, punches, and will grab lots of objects and will bring weapons to fight with. He slowly starts getting better, perfecting kicks and elbow blows, until he makes a complete Heel-Face-Turn and becomes a true wrestler. With the mask on, he acts more like a villain and even talks like one-the villains will even say things like, 'why aren't you on my team' and 'hey, we're on the same side! Stop attacking us'. With the mask off, he's much friendlier, down right cheerful. He does super nice things and you could never picture him as a heel. His finishing move, the Cheetah Charge, is a dropkick with a running start, with both his legs catching fire from how fast he runs.

GrapplePink/GrappleCougar: A high-flying fighter who does lots of aerials and acrobatics-well, more so than the rest of the team. Her mask is based off of a Cougar. She jumps around and bounces of off opponents and teammates to perform aerial moves. With the mask on, she's a very flirty temptress who lures monsters in close before she strikes. Outside of the ring, she's got a bad attitude, with the rest of the team just outright calling her a brat, Her signature move, the Cougar Crush, is her kicking/jumping off something before descending on her target, delivering a high kick atop their heads and a knee kick from below.

The Core 5.

GrappleShadow/GrapplePanther: A reformed villain who becomes a 7th ranger. Wait, 7th? Yeah, 7th. He's introduced as a strong minion early on-think something along the lines of Ikagen from Uchuu Sentai Kyuranger or Goldar/Grifforzor from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers/Kyōryū Sentai Zyuranger. He was once a fresh-faced wrestler who could've become a star, but an accident put him in the hospital indefinitely. Until the Main Villain came around and GrappleShadow made a deal with the devil. Main Villain helped him walk and fight again if they wrestled for him. He's incredibly strong, often requiring the Rangers to retreat or defeating him with some sort of trick before he's eventually reminded the reason he wanted to wrestle; that he wanted to be someone children looked up to, not feared. He's defeated/stripped of his power and is sent back to the hospital. He'll later recover and is able to join the crew later as GrappleShadow, dawning a Panther-themed mask. He specialize choke holds. Both with and without the masks, he appear to be an aloof loner. But in reality, he's guilt ridden for all the things he's done and struggles with his terrible deeds. His special move, Panther Vengeance, is similar to a hangman's choke, wrapping their arms around the opponent and jumps in the air, landing on something and hanging the opponent.

GrapplerSnow/GrappleLeopard: The ACTUAL Sixth Ranger. A mysterious lady wrestler, later to be revealed as the daughter of the coach. She lived with her Mother all this time and, against their wishes, became a famous and popular masked wrestler that gets referenced throughout the show as 'Snow Mask'. When she appears in the show, she dawns her own masks when the monsters appear, only this time, she transforms into a ranger, which is, of course, based off of a Snow Leopard. Her specialty is chops, knee blows, and submission holds. She appears to be the same strong willed, determined women with the mask on and off, but secretly, she's insecure and a try hard who wants the acceptance of others. She comes off as a cool loner when she's introduced because she's so socially awkward, she can't stand being around people, but she warms up later on. Her special move, the Snow Claw, is where she performs a clawhold-grabbing someone's face with her hand-before lifting them up in the air, crushing their head before they go limp, or 'freeze over'.

The Shade Duo

While not crazy about the designs myself, I don’t think they’re too bad. I think what really bothers me is the visor the helmets have and just my inadequacy at drawing helmets in general. Overall, I think they look....pretty okay. Could have been better, but okay.

I guess if I could turn back the clock to yesterday, I’d tell myself not to bother with putting them in Sentai-themed outfits and just made them masked wrestlers. I doubt some executive is gonna see this post and think ‘oh wow, this random guy from America’s onto something’ or anything remotely close. XD But this was a fun little exercise to do. Maybe in the future, I’ll redo this and just make 7 new characters to be the “Grapplerangers”.

https://www.deviantart.com/26qq308/art/Toku-Talk-01-Puroresu-Sentai-Grappleranger-704870961

#Toku-Talk #Tokusatsu Concept #Tokusatsu #JAC Concept #Super Sentai

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heartslogos · 6 years

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newfragile yellows[381]

“You,” Evelyn points at Ellana, “Have the moral compass of a magnet literally attached to the North pole itself. But ethical standards looser than the Iron Bull’s pants on a Saturday night at a gay night club.”

“Hey,” Bull protests, “I don’t just have sex with anyone. I have standards.”

Evelyn points at him, “I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to your partner in crime. Actual crime. Ellana, two wrongs don’t make a right. You can’t just…break the law to enforce it.”

“Are you sure?” Ellana replies. “Are you absolutely one hundred percent sure? Because I’m pretty sure that’s how most law enforcement works. It’s like…take a penny leave a penny.”

“Oh my god, no,” Evelyn says. “Please don’t equate one to the other. Ever. This is not take a penny leave a penny.”

“I don’t even know why you’re mad,” Ellana says, “I got the guy.”

“I know you got the guy,” Evelyn replies, “You got the guy, you set seven cars on fire, caused two explosions, and sent thirteen people to the ER.”

“But I did get the guy. And all of his drugs. And all of the evidence,” Ellana says. “I did a good job on this one.”

“I really don’t know what you’re expecting here,” Cullen says, breaking in for the first time. “She and Bull have been running strange circles for years. She was in witness protection since before we knew her. She was once a crime lord.”

“Crime lord heiress,” Ellana stresses, “I never inherited. And you can’t charge minors. Especially not for crimes done under duress at the coercion of their legal guardians.”

“You teach children,” Evelyn continues, “And yet your ethical standards are so non-existent they make fairies seem plausible.”

“Fairies are real,” Ellana protests, “You’re just an unbeliever and more likely than most to be tricked by the court. Do us all a favor and never approach any circular structure ever. Besides. You asked me to help you handle this situation. I handled it.”

“Could you handle it less?” Evelyn asks. “Maybe…handle it from afar? Or maybe not handle it but gently guide it? Nudge it? Redirect course?”

Ellana gives her a blank look.

“She’s asking if you could aim for more subtlety next time,” Bull says, “Like when we had to redo the gutters.”

Ellana’s face clears up instantly, “Oh. Yeah. The gutter job. I can do that.”

“What the hell did you do when you did the gutters on your house?” Evelyn asks. She hasn’t heard anything about the gutters. Evelyn’s literally heard something about everything going on in that completely redone by now house, but she’s not heard anything about the gutters. She knows the gutters are in good condition, but she thought that was possibly one of the few things that wasn’t a light cover for some sort of assassination attempt.

She’s literally heard about everything in that house up to the kitchen sink, but not a single word on the gutters.

“Oh, not our house,” Bull says while he and Ellana are doing that thing where they have an entire back and forth banter with just their eyes.

“Your house,” Ellana says, smiling sweetly up at Bull who just shakes his head and then shrugs. Like he lost.

Untrue.

Evelyn is the one who lost here and everyone knows it.

Evelyn looks at Cullen. Cullen looks just as baffled and ready to fall into despair as she is.

“When did you do the gutters on our house?” Cullen asks.

Ellana and Bull both mime zipping their lips and throwing away the key.

“What happened at our house?” Evelyn says. “What international assassin did you kill on our property? Why were you doing the gutters on our house in the first place? Andraste. What else have you done? Have you been secretly remodeling our house?”

Cullen releases one very long, very drawn out sigh and puts a hand on Evelyn’s.

“This…is not what we want to focus on.”

Evelyn doesn’t know how Ellana and Bull keep doing it - or if it’s even on purpose, it might be, but it also might not be - but without fail every time Evelyn tries to hold a serious conversation with them about something they derail the entire conversation and send it flying out a window onto a spike trap.

“Okay. Listen,” Evelyn says, “I need you to just…think. Or maybe think less? I don’t know. Just. I need you, need, I need this to happen, Ellana. I need you to tone it down. You are here.” Evelyn holds her hand as high as she can above her head. “You are here on the metric of…extraneous. I need you to bring it down to here.”

Evelyn puts her hand at eye level.

“I’m not asking the impossible. You will never get it down to normal. I’m just asking that you bring it down to something around Varric’s level of stressful. Or Dorian’s. I don’t care how you do it. Drag it down. Shoot it down. Rip it down. Smother it. Just. Get it down to here. Please. I am begging you.”

Bull gently elbows Ellana.

“Like the time with the lamp post,” He says.

Evelyn almost asks what time with the lamp post, but Cullen gently kicks her underneath the desk and Evelyn is back on track.

“Just get your level of crazy down to everyone else’s level of crazy. It’s the Inquisition. Some drama is to be expected,” Evelyn says. “But please, just get it to a level of drama we can even consider attempting to control.”

Ellana looks doubtful, “I’ll try, Evelyn. You know I will, but I can’t promise you anything. I mean. It is me. And I’m married to him. And I’m literally trying to take down an entire empire of crime lords and ladies that stretches back literal centuries pretty much by myself while being targeted by several factions at the same time. So. I’ll try. But I can’t make any promises. Sometimes you’ve just got to…you know. Do what you’ve got to do. Cut corners. Cut checks. Cut ties. Cut fingers. Cut various body parts.”

#heartsfic #gather your party and venture forth

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castawxayaway · 7 years

Text

flickering of possibilities

Few points before you read this piece!

1, so a while ago I wrote a piece about Dan and someone at a concert, this is kind of a follow up from that but in her perspective. kind of inspired by Lorde’s Supercut

2. it is july 1st, and past me is writing this well in advance as I will be incredibly hungover from my leavers ball (not getting home til like 5am and all that) so I, past me hope you like this. I guess the previous piece is not necessary to read but it might add a little something to the events.

3. oh and I put together a collection of my writing- this will be added too! and you can now request again at long last, so do send in any requests you have :)

4. (this is mainly based on my bastille concert experience, as it was an eventful evening and before you read, yes, it is all 100% true- the concert part that is par the ending)

5. italics are from Dan’s perspective in part one, this part is in her perspective.

Shivering from the cold I wrapped my arms tightly around the thin fabric that covered my skin. 'You should've picked your jacket up' I can hear my mum’s patronising tone already. The two of us face the unknown streets as we stand in line, darkness settling around us on this hallow eve.

As the silent judgement creeps around my attire I tug on my dress, wondering if my makeup still looks as flawless as it did when I applied it several hours ago. Others around us chattered away whilst I remained quiet, the nerves settling into my system as the thumping of a bass could be heard inside.

"Maybe they're doing soundcheck." My friend beamed as we moved slower than a snail, each of us wanting nothing more than to be indoors, in the space where they'd be.

Where he'd be.

I focused in on the conversations of the large group of girls nudging us as they laugh, commenting on how they’d do anything to get to the front. That they would punch someone if they got in their way from seeing their idol. Idol. What an odd concept to pedestal someone you don’t truly know and think of them as nothing but purity and wholesomeness. Part of me laughs disguised in a light shiver as the car lights become brighter, more pass by in obscure ‘costumes’ drinking cheap cider asking the occasional person who they were going to see.

The differing accents caught my attention, so light, so thick and raw. How they pronounced the name, the band or an individual member compared to how I spoke. Was I being more forceful or gentle with their names? I thought I spoke of them with grace, with ease as I told my parents the arrangement as I walked out of a lesson to talk to my friend about the tickets. That after years of waiting for another show we had our opportunity to finally see a band we had discovered together, hopefully it would be worth the wait.

Suddenly the line picked up, I rummaged through my bag hoping nothing would be taken, dismissed or thrown out. My cheap spray I got incase he drifted by, how stupid I am to think he’d tell me I smelt nice. The ticket I gripped onto with my phone, my old phone in my bag as a back up as I was paranoid about my parents wondering how long we’d be.

Chatter and excitement mixed like a cocktail, with ease and sharpness as the nudging on my spine increased yet I took it, I accepted it knowing we’d soon be out of the bitter ice that hung in our words as they passed our lips and hung in the air. We walked with ease whilst the nerves hid in my held breath whilst security checked my bag, it felt like utter madness as we walked through the doors.

Around us was a corridor filled with their name plastered across all sorts of merchandise, but ahead was it. The large open space with screens rotating the triangle, the now infamous triangle. Immediately I bought water, my throat suffering before it had even begun. Due to our speedy entry the space was barely full, my eyes darted for a spot then to the right of the stage, right on the barrier it was free. Without any hesitation I grabbed onto my friend and ran, thankful for opting for comfortable boots.

My knuckles began to whiten as I held onto the barrier, glancing up to realise how close we were, how close he would be. It was mere meters, if that on the ledge directly in front of us. More people began to build up behind us as we spoke about all sorts, none of it relevant to where we were due to the ever growing pit in my stomach.

The two of us bickered out of sheer anxiousness over our water bottle, the fact that we had lost the lid and neither wanting to hold it during the concert and risk soaking someone. Unaware my eyes wandered to the right, away from directly in front of us as we were stood by the backstage area, the set up and sidelines.

Everything remained in black boxes, most beaten and covered in gray duct tape slowly being opened to reveal all sorts of objects. Crew members wore bits of costumes, one wore a tiara whilst the other wore fairy wings making me smile to myself as they began to arrange things for the opening acts. Microphones were passed up, and enough cables to stretch across the packed room.

As the minutes crept on by the more my hands began to shake, I stared at them with wide confused eyes to attempt to calm them down but I could barely think over the beating of my own heart. A squeal caused me to snap out of my thoughts as someone yelled his name, followed by an increase in excitement. Lifting my head to my right the black out doors had swung open, behind the boxes and crew members I began to repeatedly hit my friends arm in utter disbelief.

It was him.

He emerged shly just a few metres away. My friend looked at me in complete shock, mouth hanging ajar as she then kept her eyes locked to her feet whilst I admired him in the relaxed state. All I could think about was how casual he seemed, how normal he looks. Wearing loose fit joggers and trainers, a black tee but the jacket I had seen in countless photos. Denim and a sheepskin collar along with the infamous turtle shell glasses.

“We are nothing really,” Snapping me out of my daze I looked to my friend, “I mean just another crowd of fans aren’t we? If I could meet him now I wouldn’t want to as I would be remembered as just another fan at another show.” She spoke with little emotion yet I knew what she meant.

Just another fan at another show. I thought as he turned around with these giddy fans, walking back through the double doors shutting him in and me, just another fan out of the light.

After a while of joking with my friend quietly about the couple next to me consisting of one girlfriend whom was explaining to the boyfriend who the band were, showing him pictures from magazine shoots pointing to each member we laughed wholeheartedly. The lights went down and my laugh stopped as the first act came out, it was different from what I expected but I danced, I listened and learnt the words.

Between the opening acts our mixed emotions rose, “Do you think, do you think he’d see us here?” Apprehension laced my tone as I fiddled with the half empty bottle of water, which we would secretly put on the ledge of the barrier when security turned their heads.

She remained quiet as she focused on the constant unboxing, deep in thought. “I don’t know what to say really. I’d like to think so but I’m not getting my hopes up.” I nodded in response, knowing she was being honest about it all. “But we’ve made it, three hours of traffic and one stop at a furniture shop to redo your makeup we are here.” She nudged me and I couldn’t disguise my smile, knowing it was actually happening despite the irritable tapping of my right foot.

As the next act performed I couldn’t help but let my eyes stray from the upbeat bass and impressive vocal range to the double doors, curious to know if they were behind them, waiting to come on or in a dressing room rehearsing. I zoned out entirely as the crowd around me cheered, only then focusing as the band were leaving the stage and we returned to waiting, playing the game of sheer patience and drowning in my own tsunami of conflicting feelings as the time passed by.

The large screens in front of us began to light up, illuminating the first few rows of faces as my vision was enticed into the sequence that played and the music that filled my eardrums with the sheer intensity. Around us I could feel the floor vibrate due to the bass, I shared a look with my friend and we both knew as the smile began to rise on my face no longer disguising my previous doubts.

A bright light shone through the black out doors, a series of them in tyvek suits with their logo plastered across the back. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself as he walked by, briefly glancing to the crowds I smiled, unable to wipe it off of my face.

I focused on the crowd that were visible, my eyes locked with one in particular but with barely a second to pause she went back out of sight.

They all got into their positions, some slightly out of sight but the bassist in full view on our side. All of the crowd was in unison with the cheering, the yells of excitement and screams as they took their positions in these uncomfortable looking outfits. He stood in front of his microphone, fiddling with his ear piece before taking off the suit revealing a typical all black attire.

Walking away from the microphone with the suit in hand he neared our side of the stage, as he did my friend muttered in my ear. “I’d do anything to have that outfit right now.” I laughed loudly which was drowned amongst the cheers but his eyes glanced as he threw it lightly to the crew on the few steps separating the stage.

As they play I find myself lost in the words, an array of emotions swamp my mind, clouding all thoughts that are locked outside of this venue. He moves with ease, his voice laced with a bitter tendency and rawness as the notes rise against the heavy instruments. The bassist moves over to us and we all smile, some hands move past my head to wave whilst I sway my head, accidently brushing my hand across the girl’s boyfriend next to me as I grab my phone.

More songs are performed and he begins to move more, going from side to side. As the song that started it all for me plays he begins to pace towards us, stride up the step and up the ledge until he is in front of our eyes. He sings and my eyes catch his for a mere second, but I feel caught in it, captured in a photo.

I knew it was almost over and I hadn’t had the chance to smile directly at her. The fear is her not noticing, that someone else thinks it is for them. All I wanted as selfish as it sounds is for her smile, those eyes to solely focus on mine wholeheartedly and not a mere glance. She catches it, just. How could I miss that glint in her eyes, the pure vibrancy of life dancing on the surface and that smile too. So full of joy, the sort I’ve craved.

As his eyes glance away along with the song he walks away and I turn to my friend in a state of pure shock. I was noticed, acknowledged with a smile. My heart began to speed up again as it replayed in my mind like this one song did when I was introduced to the band, that I played it until I knew every word.

He stood in front of his piano, back turned to us as he smiled to himself as did I. After what felt like a lifetime of dancing, of an almost rave experience we were coming to an end after the many laughs. I lowered my head realising soon I’d return to reality, that I would have just been a fan lost in the sea of the unknown.

Standing centre stage by my piano I can’t resist to turn my head and see if she’s still there. Her head down and facing away from me, why would she care? For all I know she could’ve been dragged here by the person next to her unable to stop jumping up and down even to the silence.

The notes play with grace, like silk as his voice rises and falls. We all know the words to the soft melody to which ends, the real enthusiasm growing in the crowd as the adrenaline buzzes, feeding them on stage as they all smile, share the look of achievement. Lost in the moment I zone in on him, the smile he wears of something pure and utterly wholesome. The blue in his eyes affected and distorted by the various lighting around us, the drumsticks in his hand as the chorus comes up and he faces us again.

All of the passion that radiates from them all, the thrill of it and the life of it. I’m dancing like I’ve never danced before, the part of me that cared, that felt guilty to touch or collide with others has been abandoned and replaced by someone who knows the end is nigh and wants to remember every second of it.

I pour every emotion into the words thinking of her smile. The one I cannot see. Then as it gets more upbeat I move more, I wander from side to side trying to not be bias. Now, standing centre stage I hold the last note, not wanting it to be over. Just another show, they’ll think, I should think.

We chant the ending, the most known stupid lyrics. They stand there all together as they pant before speaking one final time into the microphone. “You have all been amazing, thank you for tonight. Happy halloween!” Placing the microphone back the rest descend from the stage and my heart remains lodged in my throat.

As we all thank the crowd the other’s head down first, me being the last to leave the stage as I want to see her, one last time. Standing at the bottom of the stairs I zone out from the cheers, the sad screams to have finished and try to control my hitched breath as I prepare to turn and take one last longing look.

He began to walk down the stairs but I focused on him, ignoring the hands that reached out from either side of me. I felt greedy, it felt wrong wanting a last look, something to preserve like developed photos. “I swear this girl is going to make me face plant the railing in a minute.” My friend joked and I could barely move but my laugh remained loud and his head turned.

One last time I caught a second of a glance as his eyes scanned the crowd though the fliers plastered across the stairs. I smiled to myself as he neared the blackout doors, the lights began to turn on at the back yet I stayed still until my friend muttered for us to go.

Just as I walked through the black out doors she turned her head, it felt as if she could read into my very soul with that loving glance. If only it had happened a second sooner as the doors close firmly, refusing to try again.

Turning my back I glanced to the doors just before they closed, getting one last snippet at him, at Dan Smith before he was gone. Before we both returned to our version of a mundane life.

We waded through the mess of empty bottles and cheap cans scattered as their logo still played on the screens. It hadn’t sunk in, it felt as if the entire experience was simply resting on me as the adrenaline remained despite it nearing 11pm. As we stood in the corridor fans reached for the merchandise, colourful notes waved in the air as the triumph they wore was clear as they held the beloved merchandise as we walked out, trying to find my parents.

As we walked we joked about the little things, about the girl who threw boxers at Kyle, about the girl who told Dan she loved him and he said it back, the people who dressed up as Eleven. My parents in sight my adrenaline began to wear, the cold creeping back into my system as the air around us was coated in breaths about the concert we all experienced together.

Once we got into the car I caught my reflection in the window, my tired but happy state. The longer I looked the more it sunk in, what could never be. He would have met some fans as they left for the bus, got on it and gone to London for their next show, always touring whilst I would go home and look at the videos then have no choice but to get on. “Hey,” My friend reaches over and notices the look on my face, she wears an understanding smile. “he is not the it and end all, just you wait.” I smile and reach over to hug her, thanking her for all of it that we experienced together tonight.

Closing my eyes I can picture her now, home. She’ll probably look at the videos and photos she took, smile at them now and then but not think too much of it.We’ll continue touring, I’ll forget her face in the sea of thousands that blur together like shades of blue paint.

As I lie back against my chair the moon peers from the thick clouds, stars delicately sprinkled amongst it. I wonder what he is thinking, if he is fast asleep on a journey to yet another city with another crowd, just as my friend said.

The bus comes to a halt and tearing back the fabric from the condensated window I focus on the stars, the few constellations visible. She is a star, she is unique compared to others and isn’t joining to any there. The further I travel the harder it’ll be to pin point her in amongst them all.

The car slows, steadies as the traffic continues. I allow my mind to think of what could have been, what if he walked our way during Flaws and I caught his eye more. What if I slipped him my number as he passed. I’ll never know.

Utterly unaware of what could’ve been if I had the confidence to what? Wink at her, brush past her and give her my number in front of all of the beady eyes? Who knows.

I’ll never know what it could be like to have coffee with him, or have a lazy day watching films or know that he is singing to me, not a crowd, just me. Shaking the thoughts I sit up right, it’s not healthy. I have to live in the unfortunate reality where I am a star to him concealed in the morning sky.

That’s the reality of it all, isn’t it? You don’t get it. You get something else, you get the unknown. She gets to continue and see pictures of us anywhere and everywhere. I get nothing, I’ll just picture her in a cafe with her partner, she’ll drink her coffee and laugh at his jokes.

Nearing home I watched my friend retire to her home, silently his voice replayed in my mind, the voice that I can never forget. I knew deep down regardless of how many years pass if I hear their music the memories would always flood back, the nostalgia of tonight will remain.

Picking up my phone I scroll through the photos and videos, smiling to myself as I send them to my friend.

She’ll probably look at the videos and photos she took, smile at them now and then but not think too much of it.

Already we reminisce on tonight with less than a few minutes remaining of it. In bed I listen to the songs I dreamt about hearing live, thinking about the alternative lives we could have led. Glancing out of my curtains the stars shine intensely through my blinds, with each slit I see a different opportunity or a possibility play.

She is a star, she is unique compared to others and isn’t joining to any there. The further I travel the harder it’ll be to pin point her in amongst them all. No matter where I go, no matter how many thousands I’ll see I will never forget her.

Closing my blinds I lie down, headphones in and shutting reality out for another night. All I want is to simply let tonight remain, to never forget the escape I achieved from reality. I drift off wondering what it’d be like to have a song dedicated to you as Oblivion plays, no one knows what it is about, but does the person know? Shutting my eyes I slowly fall asleep, my dimples decreasing and smile fading as the events of tonight become a memory.

Even her eyes are ingrained into my memory, it feels like an anchor has been wedged into me- refusing to let go.

He may be a balloon now, floating into all of the other possibilities that could have been. Just another one I was unable to tie down.

Releasing the fabric from my grip I hide the stars away, out of sight. Yet some manage to shine through, still wanting to be seen. She is the light that is blinding me. Sitting up right as best as I could I began to hum a tune, something along with a few words.

Smiling to myself I grabbed my phone and wrote down what I could, ‘the anchor.’

Maybe some day she’ll watch us in an interview, maybe we’ll get asked about that song if it makes it anywhere. The song about the girl who is unknown, even to herself. Lying back down I place my phone down, unable to suppress the small smile on my face. I’ll see her again, someday. My anchor. The anchor I never knew I needed.

#i think it turned out quite cute #pleased with it #writing again #happy to be back #despite the fact that current me is hungover #past me is writing this at nearly 2am #bastille #bastille writing #imagines #preferences #bastille imagines #imagine #bastille imagine #dan smith #bastille dan #dan bastille #bastille fluff #dan smith fluff #dan smith imagine

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coquuin · 5 years

Text

MEET THE MUSE (REPOST, DON’T REBLOG)

IM REDOING THIS MEME WITH EZEKIEL BC THE LAST TIME I DID IT WAS BEFORE HE WAS DEVELOPED AND REREADING WAS BOTHERING THE SHIT OUT OF ME BC OF THAT SO BIT CH-

► Name ➔ "Ezekiel Rosario...”

► Are you single ➔ "Th- That is NONE of your fucking business!” ► Are you happy ➔ "Absolutely fucking not. Do I look happy to you? What the fuck do you think?” ► Are you angry? ➔ "All the fucking time!” ► Are your parents still married ➔ "Sure. Married in their fucking graves!”

NINE FACTS

► Birth Place ➔ "London.” ► Hair Color ➔ "Black as my fucking soul...” ► Eye Color ➔ "Brown.” ► Birthday ➔ "November 15... sort of. I’m unsure what my actual birthday is, so I gave myself a birthday.” ► Mood ➔ "Kill me.” ► Gender ➔ "Guy.” ► Summer or winter ➔ "I hardly go out anyway! Why would it fucking matter?! It’s just fucking weather!” ► Morning or afternoon ➔ "Morning, I suppose. When the sun isn’t out quite yet.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE

► Are you in love ➔ "........N- NEXT QUESTION, FUCK YOU YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING TWAT--” ► Do you believe in love at first sight ➔ "Absolutely not! What kind of fool do you think I am?! Do you really think anyone believes in that shit?” ► Who ended your last relationship ➔ "......Th- The devil took her away from me--” ► Have you ever broken someone’s heart ➔ "Oh, most certainly.” ► Are you afraid of commitments ➔ "YES.” ► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ "Absolutely fucking not!” ► Have you ever had a secret admirer ➔ "I’D SURE FUCKING HOPE NOT! I- If I do, then my secret admirer must have NO standards for themself whatsoever! But, to answer the question, no! N- Not to my knowledge, anyway--and I plan to keep it that way!! I am unappealing in every way.” ► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ "...Perhaps...”

SIX CHOICES

► Love or lust ➔ "NEITHER! FUCK YOU--” ► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ "Lemonade. Only because, well--WHAT KIND OF CUNT DRINKS ICED TEA? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING HOT, YOU ABSOLUTE BUFFOON!” ► Cats or Dogs ➔ "I- I’m not an animal person by any means, though if I had to choose--dogs?! F- Fuck cats! Th- They’re scary...” ► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ "Fuck off.” ► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ "NEITHER ONE! I- I WOULD PREFER TO STAY INSIDE BY MYSELF, TH- THANK YOU VERY MUCH--” ► Day or night ➔ "Night, for sure.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS

► Been caught sneaking out ➔ "Uh... Yes.” ► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔ "Would it count if Kailee pushed me down them?” ► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ ".......O- Of fucking course not...!” ► Wanted to disappear ➔ "When do I not?”

FIVE PREFERENCES

► Smile or eyes ➔ "Hmph... S- Smile, I suppose...” ► Fat or skinny ➔ "Sh- Should I care?!” ► Shorter or Taller ➔ "I- I don’t fucking know?” ► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ "INTELLIGENCE--N- NO ATTRACTION TO BE FOUND HERE AHAHA--” ► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ "NEITHER, FUCK YOU. WANKER. SCUMBAG. PIECE OF SHIT.”

FAMILY

► Do you and your family get along ➔ “Don’t have one.” ► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ "Oh, absolutely.” ► Have you ever ran away from home ➔ "...Well, I wouldn’t personally call it home...” ► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ "Surprisingly, no.”

FRIENDS

► Do you secretly hate one of your friends ➔ "Hey, I may be an asshole, but that doesn’t mean I’m a LIAR! Believe me, if I hate you, you would fucking know!” ► Do you consider all of your friends good friends ➔ "Y... Yes.” ► Who is your best friend ➔ "Sod off, you twat.” ► Who knows everything about you ➔ "The devil does...”

Tagged by: no one rip Tagging: whoever wants to!!

#shut up erica; ooc #ezekiel facts

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ddrkirbyisq · 7 years

Link

Well, it could have been worse. I could have spent =more= than 2 hours thinking about the past instead of sleeping... ===== Yesterday was a really interesting day...I had a really hard time getting out of bed for some reason, and fell pretty soundly asleep during the morning train ride as well. After getting off the train the city was oddly quiet in a way that made me wonder whether there was some holiday going on that I was totally unaware of. I was feeling pretty cranky too, for some reason, imagining negative scenarios in my head, as one is prone to do when feeling grumpy. Maybe I just have some sleep to catch up on. Feedback has been coming in for our game, Raven Delivery Service, and people have been liking it! I'll try to do a post-mortem post about it, as well as just advertise it via posting in general so we can get some more plays. Aivi & surasshu are performing later this month at Fanime! What a pleasant announcement to hear -- it actually makes me quite excited to go. Steven Universe is also getting an official soundtrack release next month -- about time! More importantly, I overheard that their next original artist album has a name, "valk hollow"? That's actually more exciting than anything, as you know the main reason I'm a fan of aivisura is because of their debut album "The Black Box". I am not-so-secretly hoping that once they release their next album I will be able to do a full remix album of their works again, as I did with "Love Everlasting". That album was one of the most interesting and rewarding projects that I've undertaken as a musician and I'd love to try something like it again. Big dance is also coming up this Friday! Everyone should enter the dance contests, especially the ambi ones! Looking back at my records, here were the themes for those years, to help people remember: 2011 was Firefly 2012 was Star Wars 2013 was Last Airbender 2014 was Game of Thrones (2015 was a Little Big Dance) (2016 was a Little Big Dance) 2017 is Back to the Future (old-timers will remember some other ones, like pride and prejudance, etc) Remember, Little Big Dances do NOT count as all-nighters! (since they didn't last all night, of course) So this'll be my 7th Big Dance, but my 5th all-nighter. Hopefully it'll be fun, despite the fact that I've been shying away from people interactions lately. I was half-wondering whether I should take a page out of the past and try and compose a song real quick for big dance so that Richard could play it. But I don't think that will happen, hehe. Not ruling it out as a possibility though -- inspiration could strike at any moment! It would actually be pretty cool to start a tradition of writing a new dance song every year for Big Dance specifically. Maybe! Speaking of dance music, next month I'll be going to a ballet performance set to my Celestial Melodies album! Super interested to see how that will be, and never thought as I was writing it that my music would ever be used that way. This is also a good point for me to try to design some (long overdue) business cards. Hopefully I'll be able to use the All in a Day's Work 3 artwork, as that has become so iconic to me, but perhaps there are other options as well. I'll have to decide what urls to put on there as well -- probably ddrkirby.com and ddrkirbyisq.bandcamp.com for sure, but I should really clean up the ddrkirby.com landing page. I guess if I make a more proper landing page for ddrkirby.com I can just feature that, DDRKirby(ISQ), my name, and possibly a contact email (?) and have the landing page direct you to everything else. More work that needs to be done! Looks like a lot of designery work is in my near future... My birthday having passed now, I decided to go ahead and order a whole bunch of stuff online as I was in need/want of quite a lot of things here and there. Yesterday those shipments finally started to get to me, so I now have an anova sous vide machine, a whetstone for sharpening my knives, a jaccard meat tenderizer, a mortar & pestle, new earbuds, a car vent mount for my phone, and a zojirushi vaccuum-sealed food container. I also did a ton of grocery shopping last night, so I basically have a ton of new stuff to play around with and eat, whee! I'm pretty excited about all of the items, haha. The Risk of Rain devs are apparently working on RoR2, in 3D??? (using Unity, as of course is the trend for everyone and their mothers now) That's...cool, I guess? Of course, it's still a project early in development, so it's barely even worth thinking about when or whether they'll finish, but...I guess that's cool? It's not the most -exciting- thing because I don't think 3D is really necessary, or even a boon to the gameplay, but maybe they are just trying to take a page out of Overwatch and such games. It makes me a little sad for my pet project Zenith Fighter which I abandoned, which was aiming to be an arena-style game with platforming and RoR-style abilities, as well as a bunch of upgrades. Speaking of pet projects, Rhythm Quest is on very shaky footing now as I haven't touched it in so long. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but the fact that I'm not regularly working on it is a red flag and I wonder whether it will actually become a thing, or whether it's not actually exciting anymore. We'll see I guess, but for now I am going to remind myself that the reasonable thing to do is not to worry about it because I have other projects that are more pressing -- namely, finishing up my Sentience album, designing the business cards and redoing my landing page. Speaking of my Sentience album -- it's getting close to being complete! I'll probably aim to do one or two more songs and then package it all up for release. Very exciting to be doing another original artist album that is getting a full physical CD release, especially since this one has such a strong theme and could be called my first ever "concept album", I guess. I've been continuing to make my way through Hyper Light Drifter, which has still been great! It's cool that, just like with Shovel Knight, I feel much more well-versed in the sort of "vernacular" of its level design, and am starting to really become familiar with where to look in order to find hidden areas and secrets. I'm currently in the last of the four main "areas" (at least, that I know of!), though the game has made it very clear that even when I've beaten the boss there I will have to do quite a bit more searching and exploring. ===== I told someone recently that while many people find themselves needing to let go of their past before they can move forward, I find myself unable to move forward if I feel like I am letting something go. I've been asked before just =why= the past is so important to me and there are many reasons -- I think loss is painful, letting go is painful, I'm strongly motivated by nostalgia and memory, I would much rather stick to what I know than embrace new experiences, I value lasting connections, I genuinely want to believe that things will last, etc. -- but in the end the answer basically is just that's the way that I am and I have learned that that is the way it has to be. After many years of questioning myself and my feelings toward the past I came to a realization that even if it "slows me down", connecting with my past is ultimately something that I just have to do, out of necessity. And if I try to avoid it and break free, I would only end up circling back again and not moving anywhere at all -- because "breaking free" is something I would never want in the first place. And that is the reason that I can be so sure when I tell people I will always be here. Always and forever. ...or at least, that's what I'd like to think. After all, the girl of the stars also chose to leave her tower. The story of the star and the girl is one that is incredibly important to me because represents a central conflict in life that I must always come to terms with. The fact that "always" is not forever, and that despite my feelings and intentions, in the end I must accept that I cannot bring the past forward with me, and that I =must= by the nature of life move forward. It pained me a great deal thinking about how the girl left the tower. It still does, and always will. But it's something that I need to understand too. I think in the end, sinking deep into memory, holding traditions, treasuring artifacts, and "living in the past" are all ways of coping. Who can say where the girl is now? But no matter where she is, the tower and the star will always be an important part of her. Maybe she will be able to come back to the tower someday. Maybe she will be able to see the star again someday too. But even if she does not, it will still be in her memory, as something precious and treasured. In the same way, my friend Kiki is someone who is always on my mind when I think of the past. My relationship with her, in many ways, represents my relationship with the past, and that is a reason why it has always held such significance to me.

=====

I actually feel significantly better today. Maybe all I needed was to feel like I am paying my respects to my memory...

(More to come later.)

#Blogger

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yuyukx · 3 years

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Lonely ✰ Night | Kaeya Oneshot !

this was something i had laying around and since i don't have anything to post, have this really over-rated theme of "good little girl" but kaeya addition !!

fem!reader x Kaeya !! [ mention of alcohol ]

On a moonlit night full of stars, there you were sitting outside admiring the sky. The star’s glow was ethereal, so beautiful you’d wish you could stop time just to enjoy it a bit longer. Holding a glass of Dandelion wine in your hand that you’ve gotten yesterday from Angel Share, it seems like the harvest this year was another success. Stargazing with a nostalgic feeling lingering on the tip of your tongue, hoping that you too could redo everything.

[ Good little girl, ]

“What's that melancholic look in your eyes for?” the honey-like voice asked at you, you gazed at the male who's supposedly standing by your side. He sat right next to you as he locked his gaze with the stars as you did the same. “Can I help you with anything, Kaeya?” You felt reluctant to say anything else to him, though, he only nodded ‘no’ not even forming eye contact with you.

[ Always picking a fight with me. ]

It was just you, the whistling breeze, and Kaeya. As the time and the breeze passed by, it was getting late, the stars were fluttering brighter. Kaeya finally spoke up, “What a pleasant breeze, I wonder how long it’ll last?” You hummed back at his question, you felt like it had gotten cooler, probably because you have a human refrigerator right next to you. “Would you fancy joining me in the tavern for a bit?” He said cheekly, almost as if he’s about to do something worrisome, you formed eye contact with the captain, “Isn’t it pretty late? I’m pretty sure Master Diluc closed up the tavern already” putting your empty glass right next to you.

[ You know that I’m bad~ ]

“Now, Who said it has to be open?”

“Kaeya.. This is probably violating the laws..”

“No one has to know~”

You both were behind Angel Share, Kaeya told you that he knew a trick to secretly get into the tavern without breaking any doors nor causing a scene. “I can’t believe I let myself be dragged by you,” you said in disbelief, though, it was quite nice seeing the childish Kaeya you had once known since back then.

[ Yet you’re spending the night with me ]

The nostalgic wave hits you once again as Kaeya has probably lock picking the backdoor or some sort to try to get in. A couple of minutes later, a creak was heard, to your disbelief, he actually opened the door. “My lock picking skills never seem to dissatisfy me,” he proudly says while opening the door for you to enter, “Ladies first~” you enter swiftly, hoping that no one noticed the both of you.

[ What do you want from my world ]

Once the one-eyed male closed the door, you sighed in disappointment and disapproval. “Come on, let’s enjoy ourselves in all of these luxuries--” he pointed to the bottles of wine “--we’re not frozen in place after all” he continued on to make his way behind the tables and grabbed a few bottles and handed them to you. You stared at the bottle he handed you, “How are we supposed to pay for all of this?”

[ You’re a good little girl~ ]

“If we remove the evidence, no one will notice, so start drinking up darling,” he then took a glass, poured the wine into the glass and placed it right in front of you. He then comes closer to your ears, whispering, “I’ll take responsibility for this” a low chuckle dissolved right at your ears, as you pushed him away, quite annoyed at his childish demeanor. You began drinking in silence, Kaeya was already finished with a bottle while you were on your last drop on your glass. Unlike Kaeya, you’re not the best at holding your liquor, it doesn’t take you long to drop dead from a few drops of wine.

“I think I’m going crazy..” you sighed as kaeya poured you another glass of the wine, Kaeya continued to chuckle continuously, “What? Can’t hold your drink?” you looked right at him, deadpanning, he chuckled once again at the rhetorical question he asked a moment ago.

[ Bad little boy ]

Glass after glass, your ears start ringing a bit, you’re feeling a bit more than tipsy while Kaeya is still stiff as stone, “No more.. I, I can’t drink any..anymore” slurring on your sentence a bit, it is clear to the male that you’re way more than tipsy. “I’m g,going..home,” you got off of your seat, almost slipping down as Kaeya quickly came to your aid. “What is t..this? A romance..nnovel??” you got off of the male before he pulled you back closer, “It seems like you can’t even walk straight” he begins to move you both forward to back over and over again.

[ That's what I’m acting like ]

His cool hands intertwined with yours, his hands picking up yours to place onto his shoulder, as he wrapped his arm around your waist. He’s leading you forward, backward, sideways, 1-2-3-1-2-3. You slouching over him isn’t helping either way, but Kaeya doesn’t mind it. In fact, your warmth seems to keep him sane and stable.

[ You really don’t buy, that I’m that kind of guy ]

The male hummed soft melodies, his silk-smoothed-honey voice humming ‘do-re-mi-do-do’ a soft yet lonely melody playing in the silent room. You buried into his chest, taking in his scent. In and out, you feel even more intoxicated with his lonesome melody and his smoky scent, your feet slowly starting to pick up the pace, you were following Kaeya’s lead. Eventually turning into a waltz.

[ And If I am ]

1-2-3-1-2-3, back and forth, ‘do-re-mi-do-do’, it's coming together. Two lonesome people who yearned for one another and touched starved. It feels as if their souls were connected for a moment, as if it came right out of a cliche romance novel. Honestly, It could be. Intoxicated with each other, they slowly began whispering and mumbling to one another, “I wish this could last forever, you don’t know how long it been waiting for you” Kaeya mumbled into your ears, soft delicate words enough for you to gain a bit of your conscious back, you stared into his eye, not knowing what to say.

[ Why would you wanna hang out with me? ]

“I..I don’t know, Kaeya..” you whispered to him, contemplating to continue. “Why don’t you decide after this?” he sweetly said before bringing your chin to connect your delicate lips into his, a brief moment of serene silence. The taste of dandelion wine still lingering in your mouth as it was lightened up with even more flavor of grape. “Delectable,” he said while a small smirk appeared on his face, “You’re one good girl, princess”

[ My good little girl ]

The end.

#Kaeya #genshin x reader #kaeya alberich #oneshot

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leileiah · 6 years

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I was feeling a lot better than I have in a while and then this hurricane happened and sent be backwards. I should be volunteering and helping, but I honestly haven’t been in any sort of space to be around anyone lately but the few people I call mine. The few people I don’t have to try around. Over the weekend, an old coworker reached out to be and we had coffee and caught up. She told me about the company she’s working for now and wanted me to send her my resume. I sat in front of this screen and felt paralyzed trying to update my resume. Update it. Not redo it, not reformat it, not make it awesome, just update it. It took me HOURS and a pep talk from one of my best friends via text for me to get it done. What kept going through my head went something like this: I am lazy. I am feeling sorry for myself. I am having a months long pity party and I have to stop. People lost everything and I can’t even use my resources to do anything. Why am I not doing more? I am stupid. Over and over again. Spiraling. Logically, I know I’m capable and not stupid. I know that in the last year or so my anxiety has reached a new level where taking care of myself has to be a priority and sometimes taking care of myself means sleeping it off or not talking to anyone. But the problem is, there’s a fine line between taking care of myself and feeling bad and wallowing in it? I did send my old coworker my resume. I did the one thing I needed to do and I felt ok about it. I didn’t feel great about it because my resume isn’t as clean or concise as I’d like it to be. But the reality is this: nothing is ever going to be EXACTLY the way I want it to be. I’m not saying that to be down on myself. My brain is constantly picking everything apart. Even when everything is fine or good. My relationship for example: not in the best place. To go from living together to living apart from having jobs to not having jobs, we are both going through things. So what makes some days harder than others? What makes me question everything on one day and totally fine with it the next? Do I want to talk more? Yes. Am I aware that we don’t have much to say right now because life is hard? Yes. Is that ok? Today I feel like it is ok. Yesterday I felt like it wasn’t ok. So I get frustrated and upset and I feel unloved.

This hurricane came so close to coming here and destroying this house and the houses of people I care about so much. With every disaster that happens anywhere there’s always a sense of we are so lucky or I feel so bad for them. In this case, they are so close to us. They are us. They could have easily been us. And I should be helping! I should be at the shelter volunteering. But at this point when the idea of the destruction is literally making me cry, what good is that in a disaster situation? A really odd version of survivors guilt or something? I don’t know. It isn’t productive. So much of my day to day feels unproductive and sad. BIG PICTURE this time with my friends and family is a good thing! I’ll figure this out. It’ll be ok. We’ll be together again soon and things will be different in a good way and I am so looking forward to that. But right now, in this moment, I’m hanging on just barely to anything I can. I’ve stopped sleeping a normal sleeping schedule. I used to go to bed around 10 and wake up around 6 or 7. Now I stay up for no apparent reason. My allergies are bad or I get a headache and I end up napping at weird times. This morning I woke up to awful music my nephew was listening to, at 5:30. Which normally wouldn’t be a big deal but I am tired today.

I found this list recently, like a you’re not ok do things to be ok kind of list and I’m reading it almost daily. Did I shower in the last day? No. I’ll do that now. Have I eaten in the last 3 hours? No. I’ll do that now too. Is there something I need to do right now? Yes. Let’s make that the one thing I focus on and finish. Even if it’s a resume I’m not stoked about.

Last night my dad printed out some assignments that were on some website. High school must be a lot harder nowadays because parents have access to SO MUCH information. When I was in high school, I remember having a really low grade in AP Art History, it was a 26% or something like that. It was SUPER out of character for me to let a grade slip like that. I liked the class, but it was HARD. I love art but I’ve never been great at remembering things aka history so it was a challenge. One day my teacher called me up to her desk and told me I was failing. I told her I would be fine. I was fine. I ended up getting a C I think? And I passed the AP exam. The point is, my parents never had to know about me having the most ridiculous grade ever. If we’re comparing, I have and always will be concerned with what my parents think of me. My goal, although misguided at my age, is usually to make them proud. My self-worth is instantly demolished by the idea of them being disappointed in me. My nephew is different than I was and will always be different than I am. To some extent, I envy how brazen he is. He looked at the assignments and told my parents that the teacher gives one assignment and then changes her mind and puts other things online. I mean, come on. The teacher decides to purposely mess with all of her students and secretly assign things that she never assigned? Right. AND THEN my dad mentioned going to meet with the teacher and he still didn’t waver in his conviction. He was right. She was wrong. My dad, also wrong. If it were me, I would have looked and acted like a scolded dog. I would’ve admitted I hadn’t seen that assignment before. It’s a weird thing to witness, a high schooler in a different decade. It wasn’t THAT long ago that I was walking those same halls, but it was. Some days I want to yell at him and my parents and say IT IS HARD TO GET INTO COLLEGE NOW IT IS NOT LIKE IT WAS! YOU’RE RUINING IT FOR YOURSELF! But I keep my comments to myself. I try to be helpful, but most of the time it’s just seen as criticism. Whether they admit it or not, they want to prove they can parent differently. They want to succeed. They want to not sweat the small stuff. They want to prove it can be done.

Well that was rambling at its finest been up for a couple hours and just want to sleep more kind of rambling.

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