#so when she should've asked me today where it was (where i would've remembered and given it to her)

[the-kr8tor]

hiii pookie dookie 🙂‍↕️🩷

here's a request from a very sick friend (me 😓)

ekko x reader but reader isn't really in their best shape because of the flu and a sore throat, taking the day off to get better. ekko comes back to take care of his partner only to be greeted by a hand on his face, stopping him from getting any closer. reader just don't want to get him sick! but he doesn't really care as he melts down in a puddle of drama because he didn't get his lil kisses 😓 poor boy

Im long overdue for an ekko sick fic so this is perfect!! Get well soon bleaky pookie ❤️❤️ I hope this will miraculously cure you ❤️

Pairing: Ekko x fem! Reader

Word count: 1.4k

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, established relationship, descriptions of illness, lovestruck! Ekko, no s2 spoiler but it's set after that, cw food mentions, fluff!

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Ekko did not want to go on patrol for today. It wasn't one of those days where he just wanted to disappear in the covers for the whole day with you by his side. But it's one of those sick days that he doesn't look forward to, especially when you're the one that's ill.

No matter how much you persuaded him to go out and leave you, lest Zaun suddenly burst into flames without him, he couldn't find it in himself to get on his hoverboard and leave. Your sickly cough and fever made him stop in his tracks and consider— truly consider giving the reigns to Scar just for one day. After a lot of reassurance, telling him that you'll be fine and that you have everything you'll ever need in the treehouse, he finally got on his board but without sparing you another worried glance before shooing him away with a strained cough.

The minute his patrol ended, he flew back home immediately to you. Ekko stopped by the canteen for a bit and got you some warm soup and biscuits since that's all you could stomach for today. His worry grew every minute he was out there and you were all alone at home nursing a headache and a fever. But that all ebbed away when he landed by the door, scraping the soles of his boots on the doormat before entering inside.

The air runs warm and stale inside, and he hears your sniffles before he could even make out your shape under the covers.

“Hey, I'm home.” He says with a concerned tone, moving closer to the pile on the bed as you slightly shift. “How do you feel? Did Vi check in on you just like she said?”

You groan in response, and as Ekko sits beside you, bed dipping slightly, he can feel just how warm you are under the blanket. “Shit, you're burning up.” Gently moving away the covers to feel your forehead, he sees your half lidded eyes blink above the hem. “She didn't come by?”

“She did.” You croak out, sniffing relentlessly. “Got me some meds and…” heaving, Ekko grimaces at the poor state that you're in. “Refilled my water.”

“Did you take the meds?”

Inhaling, breath sounding crackly, you weakly take his palm and place it over your cheek. His hand is colder against your skin since he just rushed home, he gives you reprieve from the heat under your eyes. Through the haze of sickness, you try to make out if you did take the meds and not just stare at it and fall asleep before Vi left.

“I don't remember.”

“Really?” He winces, more concerned than disappointed. “I should've gotten Cait to do it instead. She would've made sure you drank it.”

“You still hate her guts.” A smile manages to creep over to your lips.

“I do, maybe asking her to take care of you might make her think that we're good now.” With a brow raised, he smiles smugly.

“You're sneaky.” Poking his stomach, he chuckles.

“You need a sponge bath. Get rid of your fever before it fries your brain.” He begins to stand up, grabbing the bowl of lukewarm water with a small towel inside that Vi probably refilled before.

“But I don't wanna.” Pouting, you try to yank him back on the bed.

“D’you want to get better, angel?”

“‘Angel,’ oh you only call me that when I'm being a brat.” You turn away from him like a petulant child, back sticky with sweat. He couldn't help but smile at you.

Sighing, fully endeared, he sits back down, hand gently caressing your bicep. Goosebumps appear on your skin with every touch. “Come on, I need you to get better.” Chin right atop your bicep, his tone grows softer. “I promise to be gentle.”

Twisting in place, you flash your puppy dog eyes at him. “You're always gentle.”

“See? It won't be as bad.”

“It'll be cold.”

“I'll cover you up immediately after.” Ekko pecks you right under your elbow, adding to his persuasion.

The cogs in your head turn, and you finally nod after weighing your options. “Okay, do I get chicken soup after?”

“It's already waiting for you.” His palm wipes away the sweat off your brow.

“Really?”

“Now you're just trying to delay.” Chuckling, he gently pinches your nose.

“Is it working?” You ask smugly.

“Kind of,” shrugging, he stands up again, taking the basin along with him. “The covers better be off you when I get back.”

“My clothes too?” With a wink that looked more like a pained grimace, you try to flirt even in your sick fogged up mind.

“Maybe when you're better.” Ekko wins though, especially after the proper wink he sent your way over his shoulder that made your knees weak. Or maybe that's the flu that's talking.

—

With the windows open, a fresh breeze filling inside the treehouse, your fever has gone down significantly thanks to Ekko. You're wearing new clothes after the chilling sponge bath that you yelped at with every scrub, and with the meds finally in your stomach, you practically feel brand new.

He's been feeding you soup to help fill your hunger. Now without the haze of fever, you keep noticing the way his eyes glance over to your lips every so often. At first you thought that he was making sure that you don't spill a single drop of it on the fresh linen that he just changed for you, but even after the last spoonful of soup and he's still flicking his eyes over to your lips, you have a feeling why.

“Do I have something on my lips?” You ask casually so as to not arouse any suspicion while he places the empty bowl on the bedside table.

“No, why?” Glancing your way, an arm over your waist as he cages you in on the bed. His brown eyes challenge you, platinum twists falling over his eye.

“Because you keep staring at it like it owes you money.”

“You do owe me a few coins.”

You slap his chest playfully whilst he mirrors your smile. “I think I know exactly why.”

Ekko scooches closer, hip to hip while his hands anchor him beside you. You're still warm, but his gaze on you is warmer. “Yeah? Why do you think that is?” His eyes flick down to your lips again.

“There it is again.” You say like you've caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. Ekko leans closer until you could see your reflection in his sweetened gaze. “I think you're looking for something. Something that I couldn't give you this morning and when you came home.”

“And?” He teases with his nose nudging your own.

You move back, palms atop his chest. “You want your usual kiss.”

“Maybe.” Leaning forward some more, his lips barely brushed atop yours before you pulled away, head hitting the bed’s headboard lightly. “Careful.” He chuckles, palm sliding behind your head.

“You can't kiss me, you'll get sick too.” You say with a slight frown. “As much as I want a kiss too, I don't want to give you the flu.”

“What if I say please?” Raising a brow, he smiles. And you continue to look at him through your lashes. “Please?”

“Ekko,” you warn with your palm right on his face which he just chuckles atop of it before gently taking your wrist and laying it over your stomach. “You said that you can't afford to get sick.”

“When did I say that, hm?”

“Yesterday when I said that my throat felt scratchy.”

Head lolling back, he groans. “You can't even remember what we ate last night.” He faces you once again, this time it's his turn to give you a pleading look. “Just one?”

“You survived until now without my kisses, you can handle a few more hours.” Poking his cheek, he dramatically falls forward on top of your chest. Legs kicking briefly in the air before he falls limp with a fake pained groan. You can't help but laugh as you hug him. “Come on, don't be a baby, you'll get your kisses once I'm better.”

Head propping up atop your clavicle, his eyes glint playfully. “Do you think if you chug all the medicine—”

“That's not how it works, babe.” He answers with his head thumping carefully back on your chest.

[allergic-to-four-leaf-clovers]

just had a full ass breakdown because I can't handle a single negative point on my school's system 👍

[thinkinonsense]

Touchཐིཋྀ

origins!logan howlett x fem!reader x black widow!natasha romanoff

cw: mdni!! oral (f+f), strap-on sex, fingering, squirting, doggy style, p in v, angst, some fluff, angsttt, dom!nat & dom!logan x sub!reader

masterlist

after a life of running and living in fear of an impending doom, you and logan had finally managed to build a peaceful life together. deep in the woods sat a wooden cabin where the two of you spent most of your days.

during the week, logan worked down at the lumberyard while you taught ballet to a group of young girls downtown. your boyfriend didn't know much of your past, just that you were tested on and abused back in russia. he never pressured you to talk about the past, his wasn't any better either.

buried in the back of your closet hid a box of belongings from russia. there weren't many things you valued from that time there but you did manage to take some photos of the girls you were friends with, a few journal, and an old pager given to you by someone you no longer knew. her face was everywhere but she never bothered to reach out again after escaping the red room.

"i'll see you later, honey." logan whispered as he kissed your cheek then left the bedroom.

half asleep still, you mumble a goodbye before your head hit the pillow again for the next couple of hours. you didn't have a class today but instead planned on going to town and getting groceries for the week.

it's a little after one when you finally jump in the shower, listing all the things you needed to buy and what you wanted to make for dinner. while picking out an outfit, you hear a faint vibration. logan kept your toys under the bed so, you knew that wasn't where the noise was coming from.

it could be?

inside the box, you can see the familiar number flash. hesitantly, you walk over to the phone and dial. pacing back and forth on the wooden floor, waiting for an answer.

"эй, принцесса."

hey, princess

you knew that voice like the back of your hand but you still couldn't believe it.

"natalia." your accent came out thick and heavy. she should've expected you to be upset still.

it's been everywhere. the news of the sokovia accords and the freeing of the winter soldier. you were keeping up with the news but not too closely. it was irritating watching natasha get to play super hero with the likes of iron man and captain america when you knew the truth.

"can we talk? i need a favor." she sounded desperate.

"i don't think that's a good idea." you sigh, unable to come up with a good excuse.

"c'mon, for old times sake?"

you hesitate. of course you missed her, how could you not? despite the red room being the worst time of your life, natalia was the daylight that kept you going.

"you don't even know where i am."

"look out your kitchen window."

pulling back the curtain, there she stood on your porch. long red hair just like you remembered, a small suite case next to her and a pair of black sunglasses covering her eyes. you hang up the phone and grab a kitchen knife from the counter; moving closer to the door.

"how did you find me?" you squint, feeling somewhere between anger and impressed.

"an old friend owed me a favor." she shrugs. "i didn't picture you as a living among the trees type of girl. you know, it quite dangerous to live alone in the woods."

"i can take care of myself" you remind her before adding, "and i don't live alone."

natasha's face falls a little. if you didn't know her as well as you did, you never would've been able to tell. she had a million questions but wasn't sure if she wanted the answers.

"what was the favor you needed?" you ask, trying to change the subject.

"i need a place to lay low for a bit."

was it horrible that you had to remind yourself that you are with logan now? now you love logan more than anything but you would be lying if you said natasha didn't hold a special place in your heart still.

"no games, nat." you put on your best poker face, knowing she could see right through you.

"even though i do miss playing with you," her lips linger closely to yours. sharing the same air. "i promise, no games."

"good. there's a guest room inside."

the two of you enter the house again and you show her the extra room. it's not very decorated, simply and neat. natasha didn't mind, she was just thankful you hadn't tried to fight her once you saw her again.

"so, who's the lucky lady that managed to tie you down?" nat chuckles to herself as she unpacks her things.

"his name is logan." you answer nervously.

why were you nervous? you didn't owe her anything, especially after the way she left you.

natasha felt the knife in her chest twist at the news. not only had you moved on but you were sickly in love. maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

a car door slams shut, snapping both of you back into reality.

"i'll be back. there's towels under the sink if you want to take a shower." you linger in the door way, waiting for her to turn and catch a glimpse of you before you leave.

"thanks, принцесса."

she doesn't even look up at you.

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒

logan could smell trouble miles away. the blood soaked in her jacket. the faint smell of her sweat and your cherry perfume. he assumed you were in trouble, maybe someone broke in or lured you out of the house to attack you. within seconds, he was back in his truck to check up on you.

"hey, honey." you smile, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss.

"hey... are you... are you alright?" he struggled to get out in between kisses.

"mhm, i was thinking we could go for a drive." you were talking too fast, trying to distract him from whatever was inside.

"what's going on, sweetheart?" one of his brows arched, waiting for the truth.

both of you climb into the truck but logan never starts the car. instead he listens to the rapid beating of your heart.

"there's something—someone, from my past that's inside. she needed a place to lay low for a little bit."

logan could tell by your lack of eye contact that there was something you were still hiding something about this friend of yours.

"I won't be upset." he saying lovingly, reaching for your hand.

"when i was in the red room, i worked closely with a woman that i also was in a relationship with at the time."

logan wasn't sure why you were nervous to tell him this? he knew you liked women as well and he wasn't threatened by it. sure, is it a bit odd that your ex was coming here to hide out? defintely but logan of all people should know what it's like to be in need of somewhere to hide out.

"it was more than just physical. she meant a lot to me until..." you debated on telling him more but still on the fence.

"until?" he tests the waters.

"dreykov sent me to budapest. she never looked for me." on the verge of tears, you bite down on your tongue. "it killed me because not only did she leave me but she abandoned all the other girls that were stuck in the red room."

logan pulls you into his chest, stroking your hair gently, letting you know that it's okay to cry. your brain didn't get the memo because nothing came out.

"you don't have to let her stay here if it's too much for you." he reminds you.

"i know. i'm just not sure if i can handle her leaving again."

"must've really loved her, huh, princess?"

you nod softly into his chest.

"i don't mind if she stays but if you don't want her too, that's fine too." he says. "just want you to be happy."

in times like these, it hits you just how lucky you are to be with someone like logan. someone so understanding and loving. he knew the pain you went through all those years ago and how deep the connection with the woman inside must be. you can't survive that level of abuse without something keeping you going. for you, that something was natasha.

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒

inside the house, natasha watched you and logan out in the car. slightly intimidated by your boyfriends stature and entirely jealous of his arms wrapped around you. she had to remind herself that you were practically a stranger to her now. so much has changed over the years and neither of you were the same girls from the red room anymore.

when she saw the two of you exiting the car, she rushed back into the guest room. in the tiny hallway, she noticed the picture frames on the wall. there's a photo of a group of young ballerinas and yourself. natasha wonders if that's how you keep yourself connected to your past life.

next to your picture is your boyfriend -whatever his name was- and some of his friends outside of a fancy looking school. natasha tried to pay little attention to it on her way back to the room.

ten minutes pass before there's a soft knock on the door.

"come in." natasha calls out, turning off the television.

from behind the door, you appear with a plate and a glass in your hands. the smile on her lips, drops the moment she sees him at your tail.

"thought you might be hungry." you explain, handing her the sandwich you made for her

"isn't that sweet of you to think of me," she teases, watching the way your cheeks flush with color at her words.

logan leans against the door frame while you sit on the bed with natasha. he watched as you completely bewitched the red headed woman in front of you. she was practically hanging onto every word you said. he couldn't blame her though, you have the same effect on him.

"you must be 'lucky logan' ?"natasha cocks her head at the man behind you.

"guess so." he smirks, admiring the doe eyes you give him.

"hm, and you're okay with me staying here?" she asks.

"that's not up to me." logan shrugs.

natasha's green eyes shift over to your face, waiting for you to say something.

"i want you here, nat." you admit.

her heart flutters in her chest. she knew she didn't deserve a second chance and would leave if you asked her too but god, was she grateful that you still wanted her to be here.

"i don't deserve you, принцесса." she says softly, finding it hard to mask her feelings anymore.

"shhh..." you tell her. "just get some rest."

natasha actually listens to you, finishing her sandwich and crawling under the soft comforter. you reach for the empty plate and she stops you before you could walk away; placing a soft kiss on the inside of your palm. the tiny gasp that left your mouth didn't sneak past either of them in the room. once she let you go, you and logan exit the room and go into your own shared bedroom.

logan watched you pace back and forth, wiping her kiss mark off on your blue jeans. it pulled at his heart strings to see you so torn by natasha's presence. tears fall down your face like rain.

"don't cry, sweetheart." logan says, wrapping his arms around you.

"i'm s-sorry, lo..." you apologize, upset at yourself for still harvesting these feelings towards natasha.

"for what?" he asks, lifting up your chin to look at him.

"i love you so much." you blurt out, too afraid to say what you really wanted to.

"i know. i love you too." he smiles, bending down to give you a quick kiss then adding, "and i know you love her too."

"it's not–"

"it's okay." he assures you. "i'm not upset."

"you aren't?" you question, prepared for him to storm out and want nothing to do with you ever again.

"no."

without thinking, you completely collapse into his arms, so thankful for the man in front of you.

"i don't deserve you, logan." you whisper, kissing him gently.

"don't say that." he says sternly. "i'm just trying to give you everything you want in life."

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒

hours later, natasha woke up. she could smell faint tobacco from somewhere in the house. it was enough to get her out of bed to see where it was coming from. in the living room, she found logan on the couch watching a western and smoking a cigar with his boots up on the coffee table. he didn't have to turn around to know that nat was there.

"she went to the grocery store to get something for dinner." he says nonchalantly answering the question in your head.

natasha hummed in response, keeping a distance from logan in case he decides to do something rash like fight her.

"you can sit down, you know?" he chuckles, blowing the smoke from his mouth. "i'm not gonna attack you or anything."

"i wouldn't blame you if you did." she remarks, picking the single chair in the living room to sit down at.

"the only way i would do that is if you decide to hurt her again." he states frankly, eyes glued to the television screen.

"i suppose that's fair; but i don't plan on it."

"good. she's practically a damn saint."

natasha smiles a little at his words.

"yeah, she is." she says. “i wish i hadn’t left her the way that i did but there wasn’t much choice in the matter.”

“why did you leave her there?”

“dreykov found out about us. he threatened to have her sold off somewhere to someone who would probably kill her or worse.” natasha’s voice was tiny for once. painfully reminding her of the past she tried to burry. “thought i made it easier by leaving. she doesn’t know it but i did try to go back for her. twice actually. once by myself and another time with my friend, clint. the first time, she didn’t recognize me. the second time, he ordered her to kill me. barely made it out alive."

logan remembered how after a couple of months dating, you opened up about your memory issues. constantly feeling like you were missing a piece of the puzzle that was your life from all the experiments. it’s one of the things that helped you two connect with each other.

“i’ve seen her kill with her bare hands. seen her tied to tables with needles injected into her until she was blue in the face and spitting up blood. she was one of his favorite’s. used to wake up to her screaming from the nightmares.”

“she still gets them sometimes.” logan mutters.

nastasha nods, wiping a tear away quickly.

“do you think she will ever forgive me?”

“i think so.”

“do you think i deserve it?”

“probably not,” he said honestly with a shrug. “but that’s not up to me.”

natasha appreciated his candor at least.

“she’s back.” logan said before she could even hear the car approaching.

logan got up to help you bring in the bags. once both of you are inside, you spot nat sitting in the living room awake.

"hey, whatcha doin’ awake already?” you ask.

"i haven’t been awake long.” she answers, getting up and joining you in the kitchen.

“i’m making pasta, hope that’s alright with you?”

“of course. want some help?”

you instruct her to boil the noodles while you prepare the sauce. the two of you stand close next to each other as nat watches over your shoulder.

"have you heard from yelena lately?" you ask, making small talk.

"no." nat's voice came out a whisper. "have you?"

"mhm." you hum, stirring the sauce. "she called a month ago, asked what i knew about these red vitals she was given."

"vitals?"

"yeah, i told her my memory isn't as good as it used to be."

natasha reaches over and lightly touches your ponytail, twirling the ends around her fingers to help ease you. that’s how she used to calm you down as teenagers, by playing with your hair. deep down you knew you shouldn’t look at her, not this close anyways. nat could smell your cherry perfume, over powering her senses. her plump lips tempted you, sending an ache down to your lower region. she watches you intensely, waiting for you to make a move and wanting you more than ever.

unbeknownst to either of you, logan knew what was going on. he could smell the need forming in your underwear, could practically hear natasha’s dirty thoughts about you. most boyfriends would feel threatened by this but logan was different. he worshipped the ground you walked on and he always valued your happiness. why would he deny you of the love you deserved?

"i-i'm gonna go grab some wine from the cellar." you stutter, leaving her there alone.

nat nods, walking back into the living room to breathe.

"you can kiss her, if she wants you too." logan says aloud, tapping off the end of his cigar on the ashtray next to him.

"you aren't just saying that so then you would have an excuse to try and kill me, are you?" she squints.

"she won't make the first move. too afraid that she'll hurt me." he replied, ignoring natasha's comment.

"you wouldn't care?" she questions.

"no."

"what if i wanted to do more than kiss her?"

"its up to her."

logan watches natasha's eyes cloud with lust at the thought. how could he fault her? you were the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen in all 200+ years of his life. plus he would be lying in he said that he wouldn't find it hot to see you and natasha going at it.

"hey, is red okay?" you ask, holding a bottle up as you rounded the corner.

both logan and nat looked at you with these hungry looking eyes like you were their prey. logan's nostrils flare a little at the sweet scent.

"r-reds fine." nat stutters, her throat was dry at the thought of being back in between your thighs.

"cool, i'll get the glasses."

as you turn to leave, logan calls after you, "can you bring me a beer, sweetheart?"

"of course" you nod, obediently.

when you return, the three of you sit and watch the western playing for a few minutes until logan huffs loudly, sick of this tension and neither of you two doing anything about it.

"are you two gonna kiss 'n make up already, or what?" logan teases.

natasha and you find each others blown out gaze. both of you needed this. needing closure.

"fuck it." natasha mumbles to herself, getting up and coming over to you.

the redhead straddles you on the couch, caressing your jaw in her delicate palm. you nod your head, letting her know that you wanted this as much as she did. from her first taste of you, she knew it would be impossible to pull away.

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒

nat chases your plump kiss bitten red lips, backing you up until your legs hit the edge of the bed. your hands are up her shirt and under her bra, squeezing the soft flesh of her tits. rubbing your thumb over the blooming bud and listening to her pretty moans against your lips. she lays you down and strips herself of her clothes. you rush to do the same, wiggling out of your jeans.

behind nat, you see logan walk in with his beer in his hand and take a seat across from you in the corner. knowing that he's watching sent shivers down your spine. it wasn't until natasha grabbed your chin and squished your cheeks together that you realized you had been staring at logan.

"it's not his turn, it's mine." she taunts.

you nod your head and babble out an apology. she removes her grip on you only to lay down in between your thighs. a sight that you missed dearly.

"natty, please don't tease." you whine, arching at the soft kisses she trails inside of your thighs and hip bones, avoiding where you needed her most.

she smiles at the fact that your already shaking with anticipation. surprisingly, she looks over at logan.

"keep her legs spread for me, would ya'?" she asks.

he nods, already hard in his blue jeans. logan joins you two on the bed, sitting behind you and letting you rest comfortable against his chest. he places your legs over his to keep you open for natasha. she groans, sucking a dark plum bruise on your hipbone. meanwhile, logan's leaving similar marks on your neck and along your shoulder.

"please." you whine, wiggling your hips in her face. both natasha and logan can smell your arousal in the air. it's intoxicating.

"patients, baby." she scolds before licking a fat stripe over your clothed cunt.

"w-wanna feel you nat."

without hesitation, natasha tears the lacy material from your body and spreads you open. it's been years since she had last seen you in this position. she needs a moment to capture your angelic imagine.

"there's my girl." nat says, talking to your cunt. completely ignoring you and logan like you two aren't even in the room.

"isn't she a fuckin sight?" logan finally speaks up.

right as you open your mouth to beg her to do something, anything, she leaning in again to lick from your entrance up to your button.

"missed this pussy, принцесса..." nat says sloppily into your folds. "so wet for me."

"uh-uh." you moan, throwing your head back.

logan turns your chin to capture your lips, letting you moan freely into his mouth while his hands come up to massage your tits. fingers pinching and rolling the stiff buds in his palms.

natasha spends a while making out with your cunt; taking her time to savor the honey that pours from inside of you. she pulls back for a second to spit on your mound, letting it drip down before inserting her middle and ring finger. hers weren't nearly as thick as logan's but they are longer and still feel perfect in their own way. she watches how you and logan move together while she pumps in and out of you. for once, she didn't feel jealous of logan for having you. instead it made her heart swell to know that someone else loves you just as much as she does.

despite all the pleasure you felt, selfishly you wanted more. your right hand moves to intertwine itself into nat's red locks, pulling her head back to where you needed her most. her tongue swirled circles over your swollen bud, teasing it playfully. her fingers move faster inside of you as she grinds her clothed cunt against the mattress, moaning against your folds.

"ya' feel good, sweetheart?" logan asks, placing a soft kiss on your hairline.

"sooo good, lo." you purr, gazing up at him with doe eyes.

his low chuckle makes you clench down had on natasha's fingers. all that can be heard in the room are low moans and wet squelching noises. nat kitten licks your button until you reach your first high of the night.

too caught in euphoria to control your legs wrapping around her neck, squeezing her head with your thighs. your loud moans were barely audible to her at this moment. the red head could die happily right here, right now.

carefully, she pulls off of you.

"you did so good for me, принцесса." she praises, stroking your thighs.

as soon as natasha sits up, you reach out and kiss her, tasting yourself on her plump maroon lips. she melts into the kiss making it easy for you to flip her over on her back. logan gets up again, unbuckling his belt as he watches the two of you grind on each other in messy, uncoordinated movements.

"wish you could fuck me like old times, nat." you mumble, kissing her chest and leaving little love bites behind.

"i-i could..." she hesitates.

already ahead of her, logan's rummaging through her backpack and hold up a familiar contraption.

"lookin' for this, red?" he smirks, tossing the strap-on onto the bed next to her.

the last time nat wanted either of you two think is that she just dropped by to fuck you and leave but what can she say? she's prepared for anything.

"is this alright with you, pretty girl?" she asks you in between lightly nibbling on your pulse point while you grind your cunt against the soft skin of her abs.

natasha pulls back to look at you. her hand cradles your jaw, waiting for your answer.

"i need it natty." you nod. "need you inside of me."

those words make her blue eyes turn a stormy dark grey. in a rush, she puts it on and lets you line yourself up to the silicone. despite all the time apart, the two of you fell back into a seamless rhythm together. one of her hands rests on your hip, helping you move up and down while the other paws at your chest, rolling the stiff bud.

"uh-fuck." you whine, throwing your head back when she angles her hips up with a sharp snap.

"that's the spot, huh?" she smirks, watching your pretty face scrunch up as you try and focus.

weakly, you nod your head and babble something incoherent to both hers and logan's ears. it's not the same feeling that logan gives you obviously but the way natasha's fucking up into you makes you feel just as good.

logan makes his way over to you, palming his boxer covered cock as he leans down to make out with you. willingly, giving in as his tongue explores your mouth messily with a hand in your hair. natasha uses this to her advantage, bringing her thumb up to your clit and circle it slowly in contrast to the jolts of her hips hitting yours. logan swallows every little moan that spills from your plump lips.

" 'm so close, natty." you whimper, tears in your waterline as logan's sucks on your pulse point.

"is that so, baby?" she mocks with a light roll of her hips.

"d-don't stop, please." you beg, bouncing faster to chase your high.

natasha and logan were both wishing that they could feel you clenching around them instead of the silicone.

logan's big rough hands help you bounce in rhythm as soon as he sees your movements slow down.

"c'mon, princess." logan groans in your ear. "we wanna see you fall apart for us."

"cum for us, sweet girl." natasha purrs, sitting up to suck on your tit and picking up speed with her thumb.

that's all it takes for you to release on top of nat, hips shaking violently while you leaked all over her lap. eyes screwed shut, stars coming into vision as you try to calm yourself down again. it just felt so good to feel the contrasts between her and logan when they fuck you.

carefully, logan picks you up off of natasha's strap. she takes it off and throws it aside, watching logan help you recover.

"don't ya' think natasha deserves something too for how good she's made you feel, princess?" logan asks you.

"mhm." you nod, crawling in between her legs. "wanna thank you properly, natty."

natasha thinks she might cum just from looking at your big doe eyes in between her thighs. you play flat on your stomach, kissing the plush soft skin. her hips wiggle impatiently in your face. the sweet smell of her arousal reminded you of all the other intimate moments the two of you have shared. within seconds, you're ripping off her lacy black panties and tossing them somewhere to the side of the bed.

"so fuckin' pretty 'n so wet." you mumble to yourself as you pull her fold apart, watching her slick drip from her entrance. "is this all for me?"

"o-only for you, baby." she says with a shaky breath.

you lean forward licking a strip from her entrance to her button. your hands wrap under her thighs and pull her tight against your face, letting her use you however she wanted. natasha grinds down on your tongue, moaning when your nose occasionally bumping her clit. she taste sweeter than any other times you've buried your tongue inside of her.

"love how good your tongue feels, baby." she moans, brushing your hair out of your face.

mind fully focused on nat that you don't even register logan shifting around behind you, running his tip up and down your pussy. lightly slapping your clit before thrusting inside of you. his cock stretches you deliciously, making you moan against natasha's cunt. her fingers pulls a bit at your hair from the vibrations. it's always a struggle to get him to fit inside of you.

"tightest pussy in the fuckin' world, i swear." he mumbles to himself, watching you swallow him whole.

logan's thrusts start to increase as he paws at the flesh of your ass. his tip kisses your cervix repeatedly, making it hard for you to keep your mouth around nat. your forehead pressed against her thigh while you try to concentrate, licking your fingers and inserting them into natasha's tight warm cunt.

"fuck!" nat moans, clenching around your two fingers as they reach that spongey spot deep inside of her. "faster, принцесса. wanna cum for you."

her dirty words sent you into a frenzy. using all of your strength left to make her gush. the noises were so lewd it made your head spin. her back arches and soft moans fall from her lips as she tugs on your hair. like a faucet, she's leaking all over your hand, your face, and down on yours and logan's shared sheets.

behind you, logan is too busy trying not to cum inside of you too soon. he's gripping your hips so hard you know that there will be bruising left behind. every now and then you can hear him grunting and smack the fat of your ass, watching as it bounces back at him. the pleasure builds in your tummy. logan's hand snakes under you to rub at your clit.

"f-faster, lo." you whimper, lifting your mouth off of natasha for a second.

"i gotcha, princess." he groans, doing so.

within seconds, you release all over him. the string of moans vibrate against nat's core, overstimulating her until she cums again, soaking your face entirely. logan doesn't last much longer either. he paints your walls white and keeps you stuffed with his cum, only pulling out when it starts to sting a little.

the three of you are quiet for a moment, needing time to recover. who would've thought that two russia assassins and a mutant would need time to recover from anything, let alone sex.

logan's the first to move, going to bring towels and some water. you rest your head on natasha's stomach, she runs her nails against your scalp the same way she would when you woke up from nightmares. a tear rolls down your cheek, thinking about her running away again.

"what's wrong, принцесса?" she whispers, hearing you soft cry.

"just dreading you leaving again." you mutter, afraid to look up at her.

"hey, i'll be here as long as you want me here." she says, lifting your chin up.

"tasha, someone needs to save those girls. dreykov won't stop until someone comes after him."

there's a long pause of silence before she says anything again. her eyes glued to the ceiling, trying not to cry.

"you know, i used to picture a simple life for the two of us. something similar to this actually, minus the grumpy looking man in the kitchen. i wanted to give you a piece of normalcy but i kept running away, afraid i was the one putting you in harms way." she sighs shakily. "i shouldn't have ran. i should've come back. there's so much i couldn't give you but i see that logan can do that for you."

"look, i love logan more than anything but why can't we make it work too?" your question makes both natasha and logan pause, as he returns into the bedroom.

natasha looks up at logan, ready for him to finally yell and kick her out. especially now that she's coming between the two of you. instead he's looking over at you with a spark of love in his gaze.

"i don't think logan would appreciate sharing you full time." she says, avoiding your wide eyed stare.

"i just want my girl to be happy." he responds, lighting another cigar. "think she would be happier with both of us, red."

the time has never been right for you and natasha but who says it needs to be? she's finally back in your life again and you can't risk letting her go again.

"we will help you track down yelena and fight with you to free those girls from the redroom but i want you here with us, natty. please don't go again."

she finally looks down at you and her heart melts. how would she be able to leave you again? not after today. this is where her heart lied, here with you.

"of course, i'll stay принцесса."

[thef1diary]

Little Big Fan | Five

- Little Big Surprise

Series Masterlist

wc: 3.3k

The house felt too empty, too quiet.

Isabella has been at her father's house for the past week and you missed her dearly. So, you had to find new hobbies to pass the time. You should've been used to the days she isn't home but you still aren't.

A new addition to your routine was your newfound hobby; watching Formula One races, or more so, watching Max race.

You would've been a fan even if you didn't know him personally, purely based on his driver skills, but that little detail made every moment of the race a tad bit more special. Your eyes would always try to find him on the track with the others, which he was in front of, leading.

You even found out that you could watch an on-board camera for a specific driver while watching the main race screen as well. It was very obvious whose camera feed you chose to watch.

This was the first time you watched the race after coming back from The Netherlands, mainly because it's only been a week since.

Though it wasn't fun watching the race without Isabella, or more like without her own added commentary.

Fortunately, Isabella's father would be dropping her off today. Until then, you had to find a way to pass the time.

Picking up your phone, your finger hovered over Max's contact. The last time you spoke was yesterday, when you congratulated him for the win over text.

You caught up on your pending work, meeting clients, writing up contracts, and even began designing the floor plans. One of the perks of working as a freelance interior designer, was that you could complete it at your own pace. The downside, however, was once you were done, you didn't really have anything else to do.

You worked for a few hours today, so your little break where you contemplated to call Max was well earned.

But before you could decide whether or not you wanted to call him, your phone rang with a call from him.

You quickly answered, greeting him with, "I was just about to call you, but I thought it'd be too late for you." You remembered that even though it was daytime for you, it was nighttime for him.

Max hummed, "too late? Oh wait, you're right, it's well past midnight." You furrowed your brow as his response confused you, but you didn't comment on it.

"So, what's up?" You asked, wanting to know why he called.

"You actually left something when you came to the race, and I kept forgetting to mention it, but I was thinking of sending it back to you as a package," Max explained, and you began to wonder what you had left behind.

"Yeah, sure that's fine, I actually have no idea when I'm going to see you again either." You shut your eyes tightly as you regretted the words as soon as you spoke them. "I mean—" you tried to explain but he cut you off, "I know what you mean and you're not wrong,"

You told him your address for the package, still wondering what you left behind, but dismissed the thought once you heard some noises on the other end. Specifically, noises that would indicate a person is outside, such as traffic.

"Max, are you outside?" You asked, wondering what he'd be doing out at this hour. "What no! Hold on, can I call you back in a bit?" He didn't wait for your response, just hung up the call.

You held your phone in front of you, looking at the dark screen as if it would give you any answers, but as excepted, it didn't. Then, you dropped the thought or at least tried to since Max did say he'll call you back.

You made yourself an iced coffee before falling into the depths of online shopping. Before you could decide on buying anything, the doorbell interrupted you.

"Max" you gasped as you opened the door, seeing him standing on the other side, holding a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands. "Hi," he grinned, eyes taking in your presence since it had been too long since he last saw you.

"You lied about the package," you commented though there wasn't any malice behind your words. "Consider me as the thing you forgot?"

You chuckled at his words but it quickly became quiet as you finally realized that he was truly standing in front of you. "Please tell me you have a work thing here and you're just stopping by because you were in the area?"

"I could tell you that, but it would be a lie," he shrugged. You hesitated before asking the next question, "and the truth is?"

"I just wanted to see you and Isabella again." Either he didn't realize the weight behind his words or he chose to ignore it but you stood there, holding the door, in surprise.

"And now I'm realizing it probably wasn't a good idea to drop by without asking you," Max's words lacked confidence but you quickly shook your head. "No, it's just that you keep surprising me by standing on the other side of the door," then you smiled and added, "this time it happens to be in a different country."

Again, he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal, but if he was able to hear the thoughts running through your mind, he'd know that this was a big deal to you. In the best way possible.

"So, can I come in?" He asked, as he was just idly standing by the door. "Oh yes, sorry."

He passed the flowers to you once he was inside. "I didn't know which flowers you like, but this seemed fitting," he explained the reason behind the sunflowers.

You wanted to ask why, but you held back because in the few weeks you've known Max, he always manages to say something that leaves you speechless.

"It's perfect, thank you. I think I have a vase lying around somewhere." You found one in the back of a cabinet next to your kitchen, and started filling it with water.

Max stood across from you and commented, "that vase should never be left empty."

You chuckled, more at the thought of the vase being full than his words. "It has been empty more often than not."

Although it was just a simple back and forth conversation, Max made a mental note to try and never let it be empty for as long as he knows you. Which he hopes would be a long, long time.

Max looked around the house, noticing a lack of a little ball of energy. "Where's Isabella?"

"At Tyler's. He'll drop her off in about an hour." Once you set up the flowers, you paused, realizing you have to make lunch for Isabella but you didn't want Max to think that you didn't want him here.

"Everything okay?" He asked, always noticing everything. "Yeah, I have to make lunch for Isabella." You didn't know what reaction you expected but it definitely wasn't a laugh.

Max stepped closer to you, rounding the kitchen island that was in between you two. "If you think you have to entertain me as a guest, who by the way showed up unexpectedly, I'm going to think you don't consider me a friend."

You broke out into a smile, realizing that you overthought the small situation. "I do consider you a friend, otherwise I wouldn't have ranted on and on about my job."

"I will say though, if you're making lunch, I want some too," Max added with a sheepish smile. "Isabella's lunch entails a homemade pizza and fries—made with freshly cut potatoes—because that's all she wants to eat every time she comes home."

"Fair enough, let's make extras for all of us," Max began rolling up his sleeves and washed his hands in preparation.

You couldn't help but laugh, "Max, what are you doing?" He looked at you as if his actions were obvious, "I'm going to help you. Did you think I was going to let you make lunch all by yourself?"

There he goes, leaving you speechless. You shut your mouth because you couldn't find a response, and began taking out the ingredients. "Just a warning though, you're gonna have to tell me what to do because I'm not the best chef," Max stated.

"It's okay, you can be my assistant," you responded which made him raise his eyebrows, "assistant huh? I like the sound of that."

You paused, looking at him with a playful glower before both of you broke out into laughter.

You passed him the potatoes after rinsing them, tasking him to peel and cut into strips to make french fries.

Although he didn't notice, you might've stopped a few times while kneading the dough to look at him. Unbeknownst to you, he did the same when you weren't looking either.

"So does Isabella go to her dad's often?" Max asked after a moment of silence. "Sometimes it's every other week, other times it's only a weekend per month," you explained.

Max had loads of questions about Tyler, but he was content in knowing only what you were willing to tell him. This time, you didn't continue the conversation about your ex, and Max understood that you didn't want to talk about it.

The topic was forgotten as soon as you accidentally smeared pizza sauce across your face. You truly had no idea how it got there, but only realized when Max brushed his fingers against your cheek to wipe it away.

However, he only smeared it further. He couldn't control his laughter as it spread and that prompted you to wipe it from your cheek and smear it on his.

He glared at you but it only lasted a millisecond as he grabbed a handful of dry flour. "Max," you warned, stepping backwards in an attempt to get away from him.

You didn't get far as his arm found its away around your waist to pull you back and hold you still. Then, he dumped the flour on your face, adding to the remnants of the sauce.

Your hands pressed against his chest to push him away but it was a useless attempt since he had you cornered against the counter so you had nowhere to go.

You spluttered since a bit of the flour got in your mouth and Max laughed at you. Then, you did the only thing you could think of. Grabbing Max's face, you rubbed your cheek dusted with flour and sauce against his. Now it was even.

Once the laughter died down, both of you noticed how close you were standing. Max couldn't back away because of your palms on his cheek and on the nape of his neck.

Your eyes widened slightly at the realization and you quickly dropped your hands so he could move. Max took a second too long to process that you weren't holding him anymore, before he created more space between you two.

Then, you noticed the time, "shit she'll be here in twenty minutes."

"You should go change, I'll take care of the rest," Max suggested and you looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "you're going to take care of it?"

He nodded like it wasn't a big deal. "You're the one who said you're not a good chef," you spoke with a teasing smile.

"I said I'm not the best chef, I can be a good chef," he reasoned and you couldn't argue with that logic. "Fine, as long as you don't burn my house down."

"I'll try," you heard him as you went upstairs to your room.

"He got me flowers," you muttered to yourself as you picked out a clean outfit. "He fucking got me flowers." The realization hit you hard, more so because you loved sunflowers, and he just happened to randomly guess the right bouquet. Which was something your ex could never do right even after you told him, mainly because he preferred roses and only bought you roses.

"It seemed fitting," you repeated his words, "Max, why do you have to be so nice?" You asked rhetorically as of course he wasn't there to answer.

You hurriedly went downstairs after washing up and changing to see whether Max had done anything wrong. Perhaps if he was a lousy chef, you'd have one complaint about him. So far, you have liked everything about him.

Fortunately, nothing smelt burnt, and nothing was broken. When you spotted him, he was frying the French fries.

You paused in your tracks, and took a good look at him so you could remember this moment later. Max looked very comfortable in your kitchen, in your house, as if it wasn't his first time. You hoped it wouldn't be the last.

"Looks like everything's fine here," you commented and he turned to look at you with a smile, "no burnt houses," he shrugged.

"The pizza still has a few minutes to go, and the fries are all done," he spoke as he gestured with his hands, but when he looked at you again, you had a stupid smile on your face.

"What?" That made your smile widen, "nothing, just, thank you for helping me."

"Always," he responded, already planning that he'll be around as long as you wanted him to be.

The doorbell rang, interrupting your peace but you were beyond excited to open the door and greet your daughter. Isabella definitely got the habit of being overly excited from you.

However, when you opened the door you saw Isabella standing beside Tyler with a frown on her face. "Hi angel, did you have fun?" You crouched down and ruffled her hair.

"Can I go inside, mama?" Her timid voice surprised you as she would usually answer that question happily. "Sure, sweetheart, I'll be there in a minute."

You watched her head inside before you stood up, closing the door behind you so Isabella wouldn't hear your conversation and faced your ex, "what happened?"

He scoffed, "nothing happened, I just told her that I won't be able to see her again as planned because I'm flying out of the country."

"Another business trip?" You asked and he nodded. "She usually doesn't get this upset any other time you cancel, did something else happen?"

"You know how she is, overdramatic," Tyler casually shrugged and that word ticked you off. "Don't you dare call my daughter overdramatic," you pointed at him harshly.

"Oh so now she's your daughter? Isabella gets upset easily, you know this."

"I do not want to hear you say that word again to describe her, I've heard it enough from you when we were together. Now tell me what happened."

Tyler sighed, and for a moment he thought about saying that Isabella was just like her mother, like you, but he didn't want to waste any extra time being around you.

"I introduced her to Emma," he stated as if it would explain everything but you furrowed your brows in confusion. "Who?"

"My girlfriend. Isabella noticed her around the house a few times so I thought it would be a good idea to introduce her," he explained and you were about to interrupt but he kept going. "I don't know if Isabella doesn't like her, but she's been in that mood ever since."

"Tyler, she has only seen us together, so of course if you introduce her to someone else, it'll take time for her to get used to it," you decided to explain in a calm manner.

"You don't have an issue with my girlfriend?" He asked and you raised your brows, "why would I? It's not my business unless it involves Isabella."

He shrugged, then laughed at his thought before saying it out loud, "well I hope that you don't have an issue explaining dating to her, that is, if you ever start dating again."

"My dating life is none of your business. Don't you have somewhere to be? Perhaps back to Emma?"

"Alright, I'll text you when I'm back in the country," he stated and turned around to leave but paused as he saw a new car in the driveway that he knew didn't belong to you.

"Whose car is that?" You laughed at his need to always be all up in your business, "goodbye, Tyler."

You entered the house with a sigh but the sight in front of you warmed your heart, making you forget all about the conversation with your ex.

Max was crouched down onto his knees to be at eye level with Isabella, who had two arms wrapped around his neck in a tight hug.

When Max heard the door close, he opened his eyes and saw you. He removed one hand that was resting on Isabella's back and gestured for you to come closer.

Understanding his silent gesture, you crouched down right behind your daughter and wrapped her in a hug as well, so she was sandwiched between you and Max.

You placed loads of kisses on her cheeks until she started giggling. Isabella let go of Max and turned to face you, "mama, you didn't tell me that Maxy was here!" Just like that, her mood was drastically different from when she first arrived at the doorstep.

"He surprised me too, angel," you spoke as your gaze shifted to Max.

"Did you watch him race yesterday?" You asked Isabella, but her mood dropped again. "No mama, daddy was busy."

"It's okay, you can watch the next one with your mama," Max spoke, and Isabella nodded in agreement. "Okay!"

Then Max gasped, "the pizza!" He quickly rushed towards the oven to check on it, making you and Isabella laugh.

"Maxy made pizza?" She asked as she sat up on one of the barstools, which also happens to be her favourite place to eat even if you have a dining table.

"Maxy and mama made pizza," Max corrected, as he watched you cut it into slices.

"Are you ready for school?" Max asked once all of you began eating. You and Max also sat up on the barstools beside Isabella.

"No." She simply stated. Max frowned, "why not?"

"It's a big school, it's scary." Her words made you frown, "but you're a big girl too now."

"How about we go shopping tomorrow? Buy a new bag, more school supplies, and anything you want," Max suggested and this time you didn't stop him.

You already had a plan to take her shopping tomorrow, mainly because you already knew that Tyler didn't or else she would’ve been beaming about it.

"Even the glittery clips?" Isabella asks with a bright smile on her face, making Max chuckle, "yes even the glittery clips"

"Oh what about ice cream?" Isabella asked, and this time you watched Max become the victim of her pout and big round eyes. He looked at you for help, but you pressed your lips together, holding back a laugh.

"Yes, we can get ice cream too," he gave in making Isabella cheer.

"Alright, angel, finish your food." You gestured to her plate and she quickly obliged, stuffing her face with pizza and fries.

You were glad that Max was here, able to instantly uplift Isabella's mood. However you couldn't help but think about Tyler's words.

You never thought about dating again ever since you broke up with your ex, especially since Isabella was a baby and almost always with you.

But now that she was older, beginning to understand relationships, you thought about her reaction if you ever introduced her to someone you wanted to date.

Plus, you never met anyone that would make you debate the decision of whether to start dating again or not, that was until you met Max.

Taglist: (let me know if you want to be added or removed) @xjval @mrsmaybank13 @cherry-piee @urfavnoirette @solphin @burningcupcakefire @nessacarty1 @dreamsarebig @omgsuperstarg @fanficweasley @redbullgirly @llando4norris @wonnou @randomgirlnumber13 @dark-night-sky-99 @chanshintien @leilanixx @gisellesprettylies @peachiicherries @monsieurbacteria6 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @arian-directioner @distancedss @morenofilm @sachaa-ff @lighttsoutlewis @teamnovalak @casperlikej @sadg3 @d3kstar @lewisvinga @lpab @queenofmanydreams @glitterf1 @honethatty12 @drunk-teens-doing-drugs @its-avalon-08 @yourbane @oconswrld @noneofyourfbusinessworld @ssrcsm @softtina @hockeyboysarehot @formulaal @namgification @tallrock35 @bloodyymaryyy

[luvyeni]

RIDIN' WITH YOU ,, 이제노

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ streetracer!jeno x fem!reader wc. 5.7k

genre. smut

🦢◞  including ... illegal street racing, oral ( fem. receiving ), unprotected sex

request. Can I request a biker jeno where the reader is almost ran over by him on a motorcycle and they start knocking into each other from there

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 enjoy it !

❪ masterlist! ❫

being new to the city you weren't aware of the roads you weren't supposed to take; and yeah the road was quiet which was weird, but you didn't question it.

“why didn't you just take a cab?” chaeryoung, your roommate asked , “it's the quickest way to the apartment.” she was right it was the quickest way back to your shared apartment, but being new and all you just wanted to take a look at the city. “night time surely isn't the best time to do that but all right.” she said. “i know but i'm almost home , wait up for me yeah?” she hummed. “okay.”

you hung up; continuing down the road, unbeknownst to you, the street you used wasn't always quiet, in fact it was the loudest street at night and you'd soon find out why.

jeno pulled up to the lot , street full of motorcycles and other people waiting for the show. “you're late.” haechan said. “yeah well i had a class, i couldn't just leave.” he said. “look at you trying to be all studious.” he rolled his eyes at the boy. “where's mark, need to know who im racing today.” haechan pointed to the older boy who was chatting up some girl. “renjun knows ask him.”

“jaemin and some new kid.” renjun told the boy. “new kid is over there, jaemin will probably be your only competition tonight.” he smirked. “jaemin? my competition please?” the other overheard this , his arm was wrapped around one of the many girls who'd come and watch them ride. “you scare jeno lee?” he smirked. “please jaemin when was the first time you've won against me?”

“you wanna bet on it?” jeno didn't really care about money, he loved the thrill of speeding down a road; that doesn't mean he was gonna pass up. “$100?” he shook hands with the boy. “both of you gear up , it's time to hit the road.”

the cheers were loud; the motors from the three motorcycles roared as they waited for mark’s call. “remember be careful, don't die; i won't be the one calling your parent's.” he turned to the scared newbie, turning to jaemin who was too busy making out with a girl to notice; this was gonna be too easy. “jaemin!” jisung another racer called. “i'm ready.” he said putting his helmet on.

“alright you guys ready” mark shouted over the screams, jeno focused on the road. “go!” jeno took off , speeding down the road , this is the part he loved , hitting the gas hard, speeding up down the road that no one ever used; so he wasn't suspecting someone to be crossing the road.

the loud music blasting through your headphones as you came up on the street end of the street; ready to cross the street— maybe you should've looked both ways like you were taught as a young child, or even taken the your headphones off; because if you did you would've heard the motorcycle that's was bolting down the road. stepping out into the street , the only thing finally catching your attention was the light; looking up, the only thing you could brace for was death— but it never came.

he was in the lead; coming up on the turn that would put close to the finish line. the light from his bike was bright so he could see the road in front of him; he didn't even notice you; until he did and it was too late to beep the horn or slow down, your eyes finally connecting with his , you were an actual deer in the headlights, he took a hard right, a quick turn around he saw you on the ground , shocked.

he kept going; he almost hit you and he kept going. turning the corner after almost hitting the pole, you were in shock; quickly standing up out of the street , running across the rest of the street, you were in luck too because two more motorcycles came roaring down the street , turning down the same block.

the shock of almost dying finally wore off; then the pain set in, looking down at your knees , you noticed the blood dripping from it. “that's just great.” you winced— you for sure we're taking a cab home next time, screw trying to see what the city had to offer, clearly it had jerks in leather jackets who were trying to kill you and themselves.

speeding past the line; people cheering for his victory, but he was pissed. the two bikes coming in; he hopped off his bike taking his helmet off, throwing it to the ground in anger. “whoa what fuck is wrong with you?” renjun asked. “why are you so upset you won?” mark asked , jaemin taking his helmet off. “im $100 dollars broke now thank you very much.” he said bitterly. “i almost hit some chick on the street , i fucked up the turn almost hit a pole.” he growled.

“i didn't see a girl.” jaemin said. “you sure it just wasn't an animal?” mark asked. “how many animals you know that are 5 feet and wear dressing.” he picked his helmet up, a large chip in due to him slamming it on the ground. “shit.” he hissed. “don't worry about it right now.” mark comforted the boy. “look, let's just get you a drink and girl, the night is still young and there's many races left , haechan and johnny are racing tonight.”

“haechan and johnny?” he said confused. “haechan thinks he can beat Johnny.” he laughed. “has the last three time not proven anything?” the elder shook his head. “everyone is betting against him , jisung felt bad so he voted for him , he's in for a rude awakening, let's go.” he said , the boy followed behind , completely ready to forget about the girl he almost hit.

…

“i told you to take a cab; you didn't and now look.” chaeryoung said as you walked through the campus; she walked you more so limped, the results of the fall. “how was i supposed to know they do races on that street?” you asked. “um, did the quiet road not imply anything?” she had a point, of course you weren't gonna admit it. “yeah well that doesn't matter, im never walking again.”

“i gave you the money, i still want a rematch though.” jaemin said , jeno scoffed, they were hanging around during break waiting for their classes to start. “you and haechan are gonna go broke trying to prove something.” he laughed. “hey i almost beat johnny last night.” renjun rolled his eyes. “please, he had you by 10 blocks.” jeno laughed at his friend's expense. “you’ll get him next time.” he knew he was lying but who was he to shut down his friends dreams. “i gotta go now.” he checked his phone. “gotta take my bike to the shop and get a new helmet after class.” he stood up , walking away.

“i have a shift today at the store.” you said. “you sure you'll be able to work today, what about your leg?” you nodded. “doyoung let's me sit down so it's fine.” you looked down at your knee, luck just wasn't on your side again because before chaeryoung could call for you to look up, you were bumping against a hard surface. “umph.” chaeryoung caught you before you fell. “jesus do i need to bubble wrap you?”

“you okay?” the voice of the person you bumped into said. “im fine.” you picked up your books that you dropped. “luckily my phone isn't cracked.” you finally looked at him, his eyes widening. “you.”

“yn?” chaeryoung looked at you, with confusion in her eyes. “do i know you?” you asked. “you should i almost killed you last night,” he said folding his arms. “well why are you upset with me? You almost killed me, not the other way around.” you frowned. “why were you on that road in the first place, any smart person knows what's it used for.” was he serious right now? he almost kills you and he's asking questions. “not if they're new to the city which i am.” you shot back. “you don't seem to be hurt, meanwhile my knee is messed up, are you gonna apologize for that?” he scoffed. “are you dead?”

“well no.” you said, he nodded, with a smug smile speaking. “well there's your apology.” was all he said, before he turned on his heel walking away. “what an asshole.” chaeryoung said. “he almost kills you and doesn't have the decency to apologize.” she scoffed. “who even is that?” you asked. “jeno lee, him and his group of degenerate friends do illegal street racing for cash sometimes.” she said. “you've been?” you asked. “absolutely not , i wouldn't be caught dead now there, ryujin, my friend from my class races down there , she's the only girl.” she said. “hot.” you said, she rolled her eyes. “don't let her hear you say that , it will go to her head.”

“everything looks fine, the breaks need tightening though.” johnny said after looking at his bike. “and you need a new helmet,” he said. “thank you johnny.” he said. “i thought something might've broken, i took a hard turn last night.” he said. “yeah i heard you hit a girl last night.” he scoffed. “i didn't hit her , in fact she has only a scratch.” he said. “you know her?” the elder asked. “not really, apparently she goes to the same university, she bumped into me earlier.”

“clumsily girl, she pretty?” johnny asked with a smirk. “she has a mouth on her.” he grumbled. “not what i asked.” jeno looked at the boy. “she's cute.” he confessed, he could remember your bows in your hair from earlier, he remembers one thing from that night, you had the same ones. “how cute?” johnny smirked , jeno rolled his eyes. “are you gonna fix my breaks today or do i need to call a cab back home?”

“it's not gonna take that long, i can be done in about an hour.” jeno nodded. “thanks so much.” he said , his stomach rumbling. “the convenience store is still open, go get something to eat.” johnny said. “by time you come back it should be done.” jeno nodded. “i’ll be right back.” he said. “bring me back a pack of smokes.” he left out the auto body shop doors.

“is it broken? have you been to the doctors?” doyoung, your boss asked worriedly. “i should've made you get into a cab, you're new here, you don't know your way around.” you laughed. “i'm fine doyoung, just a little pain , it will go away soon, stop worrying so much.” you said. “how can i not , you're one of my best workers, and i only have two.” he said. “and do you see haechan anywhere , i'll die if you leave.” he stressed. “try and stay off it , lord, what am i gonna do with you kids.” he walked to the back, you smiled at your boss.

“what did you get for number 13?” chaeryoung said over the phone, just as the door opened. “hello.” you didn't bother looking up at the person. “it's 12.” you said. “12? i got 2.” she said. “im not sure why— look i have customers we'll finish this later.” you said, “and redo that math, it's not correct.” you hung up, just as a lady and her daughter came up to the register. “hello.” you smiled, the lady looked remorseful. “im sorry my daughter spilled a milk in the isle.” she said the little girl hid behind her mother. “hey sweetie, it's okay.” you grabbed a loli from the counter. “here , my boss won't mind.” you whispered , smiling. “thank you.” she smiled.

“don't worry, i'll clean it up.” you said as they left the store. “thank you so much and im so sorry.” she quickly ushered her child out. “crap.” you stood up a pain shooting through your leg. “ow fuck!” you whispered shouted bending down to fix the bandage. “give me a pack of smokes.” you straighten up, “i need more than that.” you said , finally realizing who it was. “you again?”

he made eye contact with you. “for someone that's new to the city , you surely are everywhere,” he said. “or are you just following me.” he smirked. “yeah, i managed to track where you lived , and got a job within the hours.”

“i don't live around here princess, im getting my bike fixed.” he said , you gulped. “do-dont call me that.” you stuttered. “a pack of smokes please.” he smirked , noticing your red face. “princess.” you turned around, grabbing a random pack of cigarettes. “h-here, give me the money.” you said , taking his bills putting them in register. “did i break your bike?”

“why princess , you feel bad?” he smiled , gosh his smile was so charming. “we-well — it's fine you didn't do anything, bikes need fixing sometimes.” he said. “especially with what i do.” you nodded. “good.” you said , taking in his appearance. “i-i have to clean that milk up.”

he watched you walk away; he noticed you limping to the back, waiting for you to get back with the mop and bucket; feeling bad , he sat his food down, walking over to you. “move back , go sit down.” he grabbed the mop. “i can do it.” you said. “im trying to apologize princess , go sit down.” he said , you limped back to your seat , watching him , he was incredibly fit , his body flexing in his jacket , it made you hot. “the way you're staring at me , someone can come in and steal and you wouldn't even know princess.” he put the mop in the bucket , putting it to the side , turning with a smirk. “i-i wasn't staring.”

“sure.” he said. “you shouldn't walk home.” he said. “why are you and your friends racing?” he scoffed. “because of your leg.” he said. “well im not , i’ll catch a cab.” you said , handing him his food. “here you go.” you said. “let me take you home.” he said. “on your bike?” you asked. “the thing that almost killed me , im fine.”

“i'll go slow.” he said, you thought about it. “you promise?” he looked at you, doe like eyes , much like what he saw that night. “yeah , princess, i'll go as slow as you like, although faster is always better.” the underlying sexual undertones to that made your body tingle. “so is that a yes?” you nodded. “if it's not too much , i get off in an hour.”

“i just have to go pick up my bike, the auto body shop is only around the corner , wait for me outside okay?” you nodded , smiling. “okay.” you said, he returned a smile. “don't miss me too much princess.” he winked before leaving out the store leaving you flustered.

johnny was almost finished by the time he returned back from the store. “what helmets do girl riders use?” he looked through the helmets. “well your head isn't the size of girls , so why are you asking?” johnny asked. “the girl i almost ran into, she works at the convenience store around the corner.” he said , watching the elder smirk. “she hurt her leg, im giving her ride home.”

“you're buying her a helmet.” johnny said. “you haven't seen this girl, she's not getting on without one, and mine is too big, are you gonna help or not?” the boy said. “this one.” johnny handed him a helmet. “it's pink.” jeno said. “trust me.” he shook his head. “fine.” he handed the boy his card. “be careful.” he said. “please i've had girls on my bike before.”

“where's your cab?” doyoung asked closing up the store; he insisted on waiting with you. “i'm not exactly catching a cab.” just as you said that , the roar of a motorcycle came down the street, jeno stopping in front of the store. “doyoung.” he said. “tell johnny he owes me $50 dollars.” johnny nodded. “multiple packs of cigarettes a week , he's costing me my business.” mumbling making you laugh. “come on princess , we gotta go.”

“you're getting on that thing?” doyoung said. “i pay you enough, you should be able to afford a cab.” he said. “he offered.” you said. “i even got her a helmet.” jeno interrupted. “see.” doyoung nodded. “don't go fast , and hold on tight , if you get hurt i can't be stuck with haechan , tell him to call in every once in a while, jeno , i don't pay him to slack off and barely come in.” you waved to doyoung. “see you tomorrow, okay?” you walked over to the boy. “here.”

he handed you a pink helmet with the tag still on. “did you just buy this?” you asked. “no i keep it just in case.” he said sarcastically. “don't worry about that , just put it on and get on.” he said , you put the helmet on , slowly climbing on the back. “okay let's go.” he laughed. “oh princess , you clearly haven't done this before.” he reached back, grabbing your hands. “wh-what?” he wrapped them around his waist. “so you won't fall off.” he said. “tighter baby.” you wish he would stop with those names. “is this tight enough?”

he smirked , taking off; you yelped , your arms locking around his waist. “you jerk!” you shrieked; he felt your head leaning on his back as he flew down the streets of the city.

you peaked your eyes open , seeing the cars and buildings fly by; you fully opened your eyes , slowly sticking your hand out to feel the wind , jeno could see you through the window , he smiled , coming to a stop light. “you like it?” he asked. “can you slow down a bit?” he heard your small voice. “it is pretty though.” you said. “and the wind feels nice.”

the light turned red , signaling him to go. “we’re almost to your dorm , hang on.” he said. “I'll go slower.” he said taking off , a little bit slower , but it was much better , he could feel your arms around his waist as he pulled up in front of your dorm. “we're here princess , you can open your eyes.”

he helped you off the bike , taking the helmet off your head. “that thing is scary.” you said. “how do you ride it all the time?” he smiled. “it's the adrenaline princess , the rush.” he said. “that's what i love about it.” you chewed on your bottom lip. “you know how your bows is your choice of drug?” you pouted , he smiled. “this mines.”

“yours is gonna get yourself hurt.” you said. “you worried about me princess , earlier you were ready to chop my head off.” you folded your arms. “well that's because you didn't apologize, now that you have , and you've been nice to me , i can't help but stress.” you said. “i can handle myself , don't worry that pretty little head,” he said. “go in and ice that knee,” he said. “my name is yn.” you said. “i know princess , i read your nametag,” he said, you scoffed. “bye bye jeno.” you waved him off. “go in princess.” he watched you go inside the dorms , before putting his helmet on , speeding back down the road.

…

“i still can't believe you get on that thing.” chaeryoung said , it had been a week since then , you've seen him a few times , he even gave you a ride home after class. “and with him nonetheless.” you both walked through the campus after class. “you don't know him he's a degenerate yn.” she said. “he is nice and even bought me a helmet.” you said. “oh well then i guess that makes it okay , you hear my sarcasm right.” she scoffed. “he goes slow.” you shrugged. “after i told him to.” you said. “you talking about me, princess?”

you jumped hearing the voice, turning around. “i don't appreciate being called a degenerate.” jeno said. “don't worry, i mean your friends as well.” chaeryoung looked to the boy on his left. “especially you na jaemin.” the boy smirked. “still upset about me not calling you back?” you could see your friend about to snap. “we're gonna go.” you grabbed her hand , turning to walk away.

“there's a show tonight, you should come.” jeno said. “and why would she do that?” chaeryoung said , he looked at you. “princess?” his gaze pierced through your skin, you chewed your bottom lip. “i-i have to work.” you said. “that's okay , it's at night.” he said. “i can pick you up, i still have the helmet” he smirked. “yn?” chaeryoung said. “well i mean ryujin will be there.” you said. “it couldn't hurt, could it?” you shrugged. “i told ryujin i did before going to one of those things.”

“i can give you a ride.” jaemin said with a smirk , she scoffed. “and it looks like i will die before going.” jeno tapped you. “i'll pick you up after work yeah?” you nodded with a smile. “okay.” you said. “chaeryoung you riding with me?” jaemin winked. “i'll take my chances with ryujin , go fuck yourself na jaemin.” she grabbed your hand , dragging you away. “bye bye!” you waved.

“she's cute.” jaemin said once you were out of earshot. “you like her?” he watched his friend stare at you until he could no longer see you. “i'll take that as a yes.” he patted his friend's shoulders. “you bought her a helmet?” jeno slapped his friends hand off of him. “shut up.” he said. “those things are like a hundred dollars, you met her a week ago, are you crazy?” they continued down the campus , as his friend teased him. “haechan is gonna love this.”

“are you crazy?” doyoung asked; he was so confused on how you met jeno when you entered the shop; so you explained to him— and you may have let it slip that you were going to the race. “yn are you trying to stress me out?” he said. “no need to panic.” you said. “no it is , those bikes are not safe, im worried.” he said. “chaeryoung, my friend she's coming with me , i'll be extra safe.” you reassured the man who became like your older brother. “you better , i'll kill jeno if you get hurt.”

“you better go slow while she's on there.” doyoung hounded the boy. “let me see the helmet she's wearing.” you put your hand on his shoulder. “doyoung , please go before someone robs the store.” he said. “be careful.” he said , before walking away. “are you two related?” he asked. “no i told you i'm new to the city.” you said. “then why is he up my ass like you are?” he got off the bike , opening the seat to grab the helmet. “here.” he said , putting the helmet on your head , helping you on to the bike. “arms princess.”

you wrapped your arms around his waist. “you can go faster today.” he smirked. “yeah , you liked the rush yesterday, didn't you?” you slapped his back. “it's okay little adrenaline junkie , i'll go faster.” he put his helmet on. “hold on tighter baby.” he said right before he turned on the motorcycle , the roar of bike making you flinch. “you're okay , i promise , i won't let you get hurt.” he said before speeding off down the street.

you had to admit , the feeling as you both sored down the street sparked a feeling inside you , you actually managed to keep your eyes open , the sun was setting , the pretty colors blurred with the passing cars , jenos sent was calming to , he checked on you every time you stopped , the heart fluttering jester made you smile , he was actually nice.

he slowed down as you came up on the empty street. “hey this is where you almost killed me.” he scoffed , “but i didn't did i princess?” you nodded. “i guess.” you said. “i haven't harmed you yet, have i?” he said , you started to hear more bikes. “no.” you said. “and i won't , i promise.” he said , you began to see people , a lot of people. “we're here,” he said.

he helped you off the bike , taking your helmet off. “it's loud here , how don't people catch you?” you asked. “luck.” he said, fixing your hair , you blushed. “well would you look at this?” you heard a voice. “when jaemin told me you were bringing someone , i thought he was joking , the bastard was right.”

“that's haechan.” jeno said, “you are the cutest thing.” he held his hand out. “h-hi.” you took it , shaking , making the man in front of you jealous , he pushed it aside , glaring at the boy. “your friend is over there , let me go get checked in and i'll bring you a drink , okay?” you nodded , walking away. “you bought her a helmet?” haechan said. “jaemin said you only knew her for a day.” haechan laughed. “you like her?” they made their way over to the check in. “what does it matter to you?”

“you wanna bet on her?” he said , jeno turned to the boy. “what the fuck do you mean by that?” he questioned. “you know what i mean , don't be dumb.” the other boy smirked. “you win , she's yours , i win — finish that sentence i dare you.” mark noticed the two , stepping in. “hey you know the rules , no fist fighting, you wanna go you use the bikes.” he said.

“what do you say jeno?” jeno scoffed. “you know you can't beat me haechan.” haechan shrugged. “a cutie like that gives me all the motivation i need.” jeno was about to lunge at the boy when jaemin stopped him. “you know he's just trying to get in your head.” the boy said. “you want race lee , let's do it.”

“this is ryujin , she's racing tonight.” chaeryoung said. “really?” you said. “who?” you questioned. “me princess.” jeno handed you a drink. “princess? didn't think you were the relationship type lee.” ryujin said , chaeryoung scoffed. “because he isn't. “who said that?” he said looking at you , your heart pounded. “well loverboy who else is racing?” ryujin asked. “haechan.” her eyebrows furrowing. “okay , you, i understand , you're competition , but hyuck , he lost to jisung.”

“haechan wanted to race me.” he said. “why?” you asked , looking at him with those doe eyes again. “because he has a humiliation kink princess , don't worry,” he said. “well be careful.” you said. “i will.” his hand coming up to your cheek , pinching it , making you giggle. “come on lover boy the show is about to start.” ryujin said. “wait for me at the finish line, yeah?” you nodded. “okay.”

“what was all that about?” chaeryoung asked. “met you only a week and he's already smitten , you got some type of love spell perfume on?” you laughed. “no.” you said , smiling to yourself. “well i see the feelings are mutual , all i say is be careful and be safe.” she said , you nodded. “racers at the mark.”

jeno kept his eyes on you , you waved at him ; he laughed, waving back. “don't let her soften you up lee , i might actually win and take her from.” haechan said , pulling down the shield of his helmet, jeno grunted , pulling his shield down. “ignore him.” ryujin said. “we both know he'll be coming in last.” “racers are you ready?” renjun yelled over the cheers. “don't die.” jeno put his foot on the gas. “please be careful.” you crossed your fingers. “go!” you saw smoke as the racers took off.

“she better be careful.” chaeryoung said , as you waited , you bit your lip nervously. “don't worry, he knows what he's doing.” she reassured you. “i guess.” you said , knowing the boy only a week , you still couldn't help but worry. “he better be.” you bit your fingers. “i hope he is.”

jeno could feel haechan at his side; he sped up , the boys words ringing in his ear, it pissed him off , making him speed up more , your voice in his head as well. “slow down.” was all he heard. “slow down.” he couldn't now , he could see the finish line , where you waited for him , all he had to do was cross the finish line.

“here they come!” someone yelled out , you both ran to the finish line. “oh i can't look.” you said , chaeryoung held your hand , as the bikes came into view. “oh it's him!” you cheered. “he's winning.” you jumped , clapping. he came speeding down the street , and past the line , everyone was cheering , as the other racers drove in.

once he sped past the line , he stopped taking his helmet off , people cheering his name , but he didn't care about that , his mind was on one thing— one person, you. he saw you in a crowd of people , you were searching for him , your eyes finding his. “jeno!” you shouted , running over to him. “you won!”

that was all you could say before his lips were smashing against yours , he held your face , lips moving. “let's get out of here.” he pressed his forehead against yours. “now.” only giving you time to say goodbye to chaeryoung , putting your helmet on and helping you on to his bike. “where are we going?” you asked , the look in his eyes made shivers run down your spine. “mine.”

you couldn't even remember the ride to jenos with how fast he was going; his need for you at the moment was strong , that's why he was taking you to his , he was closer , the closer he was the quicker he could feel you.

pulling up to his apartment complex; parking right in front of it. “come on princess.” he helped you off the bike, taking the helmet off. “let's go up.” he said , his hand low on your back , “you must want me as much as i want you.” he cornered you in the elevator. “you didn't hesitate to get on the bike when i said i was taking you back to mines.” his body covered yours , you looked up at him with wide eyes. “don't look at me like that , it makes me want to ruin you even more.”

it was fair game once he got you into his apartment; he wasted no time , picking you up , wrapping your legs against his waist , pinning you against the wall. “je-jeno.” you moaned , his hand coming up to your neck. “you like this?” he squeezed a little , a whimper falling from your pretty lips. “keep on making those pretty noises baby , makes me want to fuck you right here against this wall.” he growled. “pl-please.”

“no baby , im gonna fuck you right in my bed.” he said , lowering you down , sinking down to his knees. “but i am gonna eat this pretty little pussy right here.” you bit your lip as lifted your dress , dipping his head under , you felt him pulling your panties to the side , kissing your clit. “fu-fuck jeno.” you moaned , as he licked up your cunt. “oh my god.” you gasped.

you grabbed his hair , grinding down on his face, he moaned against your folds , his nose bumping your clit , his hands pinning your waist down to the wall , he was in heaven , this was better than anything he ever felt in his life — maybe even racing. “je-jeno im gonna cum.’ you moaned. “im cumming !” he held you up , your body toppling over as you came hard around his tongue.

he emerged from under your shirt , a smile on his face , his lips covered in your juices. “you taste so good baby.” he said breathlessly. “like fucking candy.” you whimpered; he really couldn't hold himself back anymore , he lifted you back up , taking you right to his room , throwing you on to his bed. “gotta feel you around me.” he rid himself of his own clothes ,before joining you in the bed. “gonna stretch this pretty pussy with my fat cock baby.”

slotting himself in between your legs. “you want it baby?” he dragged his cock along your folds, his mushroom tip catching your clit , making you twitch with need. “pl-please jeno i need it.” you whimpered , whimper turning into a full blow moan as you felt his tip entering your needy hole. “ oh fuck princess.” he groaned as he fully bottomed out. “your tiny cunt is sucking me in.” he hissed.

“pl-please move.” you ran your fingers down his abs as he began to move. “f-faster.” he cursed , moving at your wishes. “fuck princess , your pussy is magic.” his cock dragging along your walls. “so-so big.” you moaned , “yeah princess , but you're taking me so well -fuck- so fucking well.”

you let out a pornographic moan as he began to plow into your , folding your legs , hitting a deeper angle. “fuck baby , you got tighter.” he growled in your ear. “you gonna cum?” you moaned. “you gonna cum all over my cock?” you nodded dumbly. “ye-yes.”

his cock twitching inside you; he groaned. “fuck I'm gonna cum , want me to cum inside you?” he moaned. “flood your tiny cunt with my cum?” you nodded. “please , please cum inside me.” his hand tangled up in your hair , bringing his mouth to your ears. “cum for me.”

you gasped cumming around him. “shit.” he cursed. “i'm gonna cum.” he growled. “gonna cum inside this pretty pussy.” was the last thing he said before you felt the warmth of his cum emptying inside you. “fuck.” he groaned , his cock slipping out of you. “you felt so good, princess.” he leaned in , kissing you. “so fucking good.”

“i was worried.” you said , your chin resting on his neck chest. “i told you not to , i know what im doing.” he said. “you're such an adrenaline junkie and haechan seemed to make you really upset, how was i supposed to know?” you pouted. “just learn to slow down sometimes okay?”

“i’ll learn to go slow if you keep coming to my races?” he said , you nodded. “fine.” he smiled. “you're so cute, you know that princess?” you smiled. “but you're not that innocent you know , you're a little adrenaline junkie too , i saw you in my mirror on the way here.” he flipped you over. “it's okay though baby.”

“your my little adrenaline junkie.”

©LUVYENI

[cosmicpearlz]

end up here

summary: how does one fix a broken patch in a marriage? fake smiles in public and secret animosity behind closed doors doesn't help anyone.

pairing: jude bellingham x reader

waking up in the morning, you turned your head. finding the empty spot that would've been where your husband laid. you turned back towards the wall and sighed to yourself. the argument that should've only lasted one night with apologizes following later, was going on two weeks now. you stretch your arms and legs out before removing the duvet from your body. stepping into your slippers, you head downstairs to the kitchen.

jude stands shirtless, pajama pants hanging just below his waistline. making two cups of coffee. he heard your footsteps but refused to look at you. a painful reminder of what your shared mornings used to be.

"good morning," you mumbled. almost like a quiet whisper that travels through the cold feeling kitchen.

"good morning. i made you a cup of coffee," jude finally turns and meets your eye for a brief second. looking back down, he stretches the cup to you.

"thank you. aren't we meeting with your family today? and then you have camp for england coming up, right?"

"yup," is all jude said before walking away with his own coffee cup. you couldn't believe this is what your marriage has come to. one-word answers and cold shoulders. to think you guys were happy before the argument. an argument that you both couldn't even remember how it originally started.

-

you and jude walked hand and hand to the front door. not wanting his family to see this rough patch that you guys were going through. you wanted to save the warmth that his hand gave you and put it in a box. missing the affection that was always shared. jude secretly felt the same, he just missed his wife but the pride he carried was too high at the moment. not wanting to be the first to apologize. even though he uttered hurtful words like you had.

"my babies!" denise smiled brightly and pulls you both into a hug. "how was the flight?"

"long. so stupidly long and i'm still jetlagged," you dramatically pouted your lips.

"well come in and relax for a bit darling, lunch is almost ready." jude loved the way you interacted with his family. it made his heart grow twice in size, seeing how soft you became. continually bringing out the side of you he loved seeing every day.

"you alright mate?" jobe asked his brother. following his gaze where they see you talking to their mum and dad.

"just fine," jude lied to the younger boy, pulling him into a hug and pressing a kiss to his head.

jude and jobe head to the living room, sitting down and watching tv. mark soon joins them, leaving you and denise in the kitchen. you sit on the dining room chair and lean your elbows on the table.

"how are you really feeling?"

"i'm okay, works been busy."

"y/n, i mean how are you and jude doing?" she turns to look at you with a raised eyebrow. you groaned and put your head down into your arms.

"is it that obvious?"

"a little. but it's only because i know you guys. always very affectionate and now it's limited to just hand holding." you almost hate how much his mom knew your relationship so well. "talk to me my love." denise puts the pot to a simmer and takes a seat across from you.

"we got into an argument two weeks ago. i don't even remember what the argument was about at this point! we've said some pretty hurtful things and now it's just not the same."

"marriage isn't going to be perfect," she reaches over to grasp your hand. "you guys are probably just stressed and you haven't even got to properly enjoy your new lives as a married couple. this rough patch isn't going to last but it will if you can't communicate with each other."

"but how do i talk to him when he said that we shouldn't have got married?" tears began to pool at your eyes, remembering how he said those hurtful words.

"honey, in no way does he actually believe that. he loves you so much and adores the ground you walk on. don't take this as me excusing what he said, because it was very insensitive and hurtful. what did you say?"

"i told him that maybe we shouldn't have gotten married. then i said that my life would be so much easier if i just never met him," you retold her exactly what you said. once the words come out of your mouth, it left a bitter taste. denise sighs and pats your hand that rested in her hand.

"you both were in the wrong. it should never have to come to this. you guys need to talk right now. end this and i promise you that everything will be okay. just talk to one another. you both love each other, right?"

"yes. i don't know what i'd do without him in my life truthfully."

"then communicate that."

not knowing that jude was having the same conversation with his dad and brother. you tried to compose yourself by wiping the stray tears that fell from your eyes. you missed your husband, and you just wanted to feel his touch once more. jude walked into the kitchen, sending a small smile to his mum.

"can i talk to you love?" jude whispered softly. you nodded and placed your hand in his outstretched one.

-

entering his childhood bedroom, you both sat on the bed. you've been in here many times over the years that you guys dated. it was silent for a while, choosing to look at the walls of the room instead of speaking. it never used to be awkward with jude. everything always flowed naturally, it's what you loved about him.

"i'm sorry-"

"i'm so sorry-"

you both share a light chuckle. not expecting to speak at the same time. even though, it was something that happened often.

"i'm sorry y/n. i didn't mean what i said. marrying you has been the best decision i ever made. getting to wake up and see you next to me or coming home from a hard day and falling into your embrace. truthfully, i fall more in love with you every day. these past two weeks have been completely shitty in comparison to what our normal routine is."

"i feel the same jude. god, i wish i could take back what i said. i don't know what i would do without you. you keep me grounded and sane. you're the best thing that's happened to me. i'm sorry that my pride got in the way of loving you. nothing should ever come in the way of us being in love. it's hard going to sleep without speaking or cuddling."

"my pride got in the way too. we've both hurt each other and i don't want to continue down this path. i love you too much to simply give up now. i miss my beautiful wife."

"and i miss my beautiful husband." jude laughs softly, as you wipe more stray tears. he wasn't laughing at you crying but laughing at the fact that, even with tears and a horsed voice, he found you to be the most precious thing in the world.

"c'mere," jude says, opening his arms as an invitation. you didn't think twice before crawling into his arms. sitting in his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck. his arms wrap around your waist, and you began to cry into his neck. rocking you back and forth, it sends tears of his own to fall onto his cheeks.

"i'm so sorry baby. i don't ever want it to get to this point again," he whispered into your ear.

"me neither," you hiccupped out. jude pulls away from the hug, just to see your face. he takes his free hands and wipes your tear-stained cheeks. once he's finished, he keeps one hand on your cheek and moves the other to rest on your waist. you leaned into his touch, missing the way it felt against your skin.

"still as beautiful as ever."

"even with red eyes and a snotty nose?"

"especially with red eyes and a snotty nose, are you kidding me? you're the prettiest girl."

"you're just saying that because you're my husband," you chuckled to yourself.

"i say it because it's true and i mean it. being your husband is just a plus."

"i love that you're my husband. i also love that we can go back to normal, goodness gracious i missed you so much."

"i love you so much and will continue to do it for the rest of our lives," jude kisses the tip of your nose and then places a kiss to your forehead. pulling you back into a tight hug.

[sp3ncerr31dsw1f3]

i love you

an: lol my first ever fanfic lmfao pls dont bully me and I'm sorry I'm making so many changes after proof reading (song: i love you by billie eilish)

warnings: mentions of blood, death and stabbing, i think that's it pls lemme know if i missed any!

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

genre: angst with happy ending, fluff

It was like any other case. I do my part and the others do theirs. Or so I thought. I was hurt almost a month back from a stab wound to the side when I should've been paying attention. Spencer was on the way to warn me, but it was too late. I was laying in a pool of my own blood. I heard Spencer's name in an echo. I could't respond, on the verge of death. If he hadn't come in time, I probably would've been dead. Spencer and I had an argument before us coming on this case because today wasn't actually the day I was supposed to return. I actaually had one and a half weeks left, but of course, boy genius found out. We bickered about, but I ended up coming anyway and he didn't say a word to me the whole flight here, nor did he look at me.

Right now, we're on another life risking case. Trying to find a little girl and the man somewhere in the house hiding with her. Spencer along side of me, closer than he'd usually be before I got stabbed. He's trying to prevent what happened last time from happening again. I appreciate that, but if he ever got hurt, or worse, killed because of me being unattentive of my surroundings, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I shake off the thought when I hear a muffled scream and a man yelling 'shut up'. Instinctivley, Spencer moves in front of me. I hold my gun a bit to my waist, again, not the best idea. "Come out!", Spencer yells. "We're the FBI!", he yells out once again, turning towards me and nodding his head to where the sounds were coming from. I was thrown off by the fact that he didn't even look at me when he turned my way. He looked a bit past me, which kind of made me upset. I stand by the door with my back towards the wall as he kicks in the door. The man suddenly lets go of the small girl and charged towards Spencer and in that moment I froze. My fault. If he dies, It's all my fault. The man punched Spencer twice before I point my gun towards the man, but as I did, he saw me and immediately started charging toward me. Out of shock, remembering what happened to me last time, I drop. The man hovering me. I close my eyes tight, while he has a knife to my throat.

Once again, I hear Spencer's name, but loud and clear this time. My eyes shoot open and I use my free hand, which is close to the knife on my thigh and reach for it. I quickly stab the man in his leg repeatedly until he's off of me. Spencer immediately rushes over to the man and puts him in cuffs. He then comes over to me whose catching my breath that I held in and from the man's weight. "Are you okay?", he asks worriedly, scanning my body. I nod and point to where the little girl is, signaling him to help her first. I get up feeling a familiar pain where I was stabbed. I lift up my shirt only to see the stitching being opened. I pull it back down when I see Spencer carrying the little girl in his arms. I rush over to her. "Are you okay, sweet girl?", I ask the small girl. She nods and starts to cry. I tell Spencer to take her to Emily and I'll be there in a bit. Right after Spencer settles the girl with Emily, he immediately comes back to me with a worried expression. "Y/N...are you okay?", he asks coming closer. "It hurts, Spencer.", I say with tears in my eyes. I was talking both about the argument and the wound. I couldn't stand being on bad terms with Spencer. He was the love of my life, though he doesn't know that.

"What hurts, Y/N?", he asked, scanning my face, noticing I'm in both mental and physical pain. He then scans my body and spots the blood on the side of my shirt. "Oh God, did he do that?", he asked, his voice shaking. "Why didn't you just listen to your doctor and stay back?", he looks at me while holding the wound as it continuously bled. My legs are wobbling, not just from the pain, but the mental exaustion. He was right. I should've listened. I am not mentally nor physically ready yet. We get to the ambulance that was already outside. "Please help her.", Spencer says desperately to the medic. I get into the back of the second ambulance as Spencer informs the team what happened. I saw him open the back of the ambulance with me. "Hey, angel. We're gonna get you help, okay?", he says, wiping the tears off of my face. The exaustion soon took over and I passed out. I soon wake up in the hospital bed. The wound feeling a bit better. They restitched it. I turn to my side to see Spencer fast asleep with his head resting on the side of the bed. I weakly place my hands in his hair, which made him stir and slowly open his eyes.

"Hi, sweet girl. They brought you food.", he says. "Hi, Spence. You can have the jello", I smile at him. "Really?, Thank you.", he says exictedly, but he has tears in his eyes. "Angel?", he says. I hum in response. "Please, please listen to your doctor." he says pleadingly. "They're mostly always right.", he says holding his hand in mine. I smile and chuckle. "Yeah, I know.", I say reffering to him. He laughs along, but says in a trying to be serious tone, "No, but really, Y/N. I can't lose you. I almost did. Twice.", he pauses for a moment. "I love you, Y/N. So so much.", he says bringing my palm to his face. My heart skips a beat and my eyes well with tears, never expecting that from him. "I love you too, Spence.", I say with a shaky voice while brushing my thumb over his teary cheek. "So so much."

[hjinnie]

enhypen as taylor swift songs (angst ver.)

enhypen x gn!reader! fluff/angst! masterlist

✩ heeseung!

right where you left me ─ "did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion? break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it. she's still 23 inside her fantasy, and you're sitting in front of me, at the restaurant, when I was still the one you want. cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right, i could feel the mascara run, you told me that you met someone, glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on."

✩ jay!

the 1 ─ "i guess you never know, and if you wanted me you really should've showed. and if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow." "we were something, don't you think so? roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool. and if my wishes came true, it would've been you." "i persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? we were something, don't you think so? rosé flowing with your chosen family. and it would've been sweet, if it could've been me."

✩ jake!

the other side of the door ─ "i said, "leave", but all i really want is you to stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming, "i'm in love with you", wait there in the pourin' rain, come back for more. and don't you leave, 'cause i know all i need is on the other side of the door. with your face and the beautiful eyes, and the conversation with the little white lies, and the faded picture of a beautiful night, you carry me from your car up the stairs, and i broke down cryin', was she worth this mess? after everything and that little black dress. after everything, i must confess i need you."

✩ sunghoon!

mr. perfectly fine ─ “mr. perfect face, mr. here to stay, mr. looked me in the eye and told me you would never go away. everything was right! mr. i’ve been waiting for you all my life, mr. every single day until the end, i will be by your side! but that was when i got to know mr. change of heart, mr. leaves me all alone.. i fall apart. it takes EVERYTHING in me just to get up each day, but it's wonderful to see that you're okay! hello! mr. perfectly fine! how’s your heart after breaking mine? mr. always at the right place at the right time, baby. hello! mr. casually cruel, mr. everything revolves around you, i’ve been miss misery since your goodbye and you're mr. perfectly fine.”

✩ sunoo!

back to december ─ "so this is me swallowin' my pride, standin' in front of you sayin' i'm sorry for that night, and i go back to december all the time. it turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you, wishin' i'd realized what i had when you were mine, id go back to december, turn around and make it alright... i go back to december all the time" "your sweet smile, so good to me so right. and how you held me in your arms that september night, the first time you ever saw me cry."

✩ jungwon!

red ─ "losing him was blue like i'd never known, missing him was dark gray, all alone, forgetting him was like trynna know somebody's you never met, but loving him was red." "touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong."

✩ niki!

out of the woods ─ "we were built to fall apart, and fall back together. your necklace hanging from my neck, the night we couldn't quite forget when we decided to move the furniture so we could dance, baby like we stood a chance." "remember when you hit the brakes too soon? twenty stitches in a hospital room. when you started crying, baby, i did too, but when the sun came up i was looking at you. remember when we couldn't take the heat? i walked out, i said "i'm setting you free", but the monsters turned out to be just trees, when the sun came up, you were looking at me."

[womanexile]

can u do an analysis of the 1

TS says the song is when you run into an old lover & try to put a positive spin on your life.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit

Been saying "yes" instead of "no"

I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though

The Bus Stop is a coffee shop in NY. Might have been where they went for their midnight coffees.

I hit the ground running each night

I hit the Sunday matinée

YAIL “morning his place, burnt toast, Sunday”

LOML “take a walk on Sunday through the afternoon”

Sounds like Sundays might have been a special day to them. Now she’s telling him what she does on Sundays now.

You know the greatest films of all time were never made

In Lover, folklore & Midnights TS refers to them like lovers in a movie.

MAATHBP “lost in a film scene”

DBATC “our songs, our films”

Exile “I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending”

SOTB “this scene feels like what I once saw on a screen”

I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

Woman “he’s right where I should, where I should be but you’re making me bleed”

And it's alright now

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

When TS uses 20 in her songs it’s code for Haylor.

OOTW “20 stitches in a hospital room”

Lover “have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years”

Daylight “sleeping so long in a 20 year dark night”

Cardigan “your heartbeat on the High Line, once in 20 lifetimes”

HS using 20

End of the Day “20 minutes later wound up in the hospital”

I Love You “for a week & 13 days” 7 + 13 = 20

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

In my defense, I have none

For never leaving well enough alone

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

(Ooh)

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

We never painted by the numbers, baby

Question…? “I don’t remember who I was before you painted all my nights a color I have searched for since”

Illicit affairs “you showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else”

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

I guess you never know, never know

And it's another day waking up alone

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

In my defense, I have none

For never leaving well enough alone

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you

If one thing had been different

Would everything be different today?

Question…? “Can I ask you a question?”

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family

And it would've been sweet

If it could've been me

In my defense, I have none

For digging up the grave another time

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

(Ooh)

[mourambles]

Day 3: first meeting !!

today I am in a writing type mood,, so here's a drabble feat. Peach and Celeste <3

"Hey, Peach," Celeste said, looking up from her book.

The pink princess looked up from the flower crown she was making. "Yeah?"

"Do you remember when we first met?"

Peach squinted her eyes and chewed her lip, thinking hard. Then, with a little shrug and a smile, she admitted: "No, actually. I don't."

Celeste giggled. "Neither do I. Was it really so long ago?"

"Well, the General always told me that we were introduced when you first got here; I would've been about... four years old then."

"Hm, yeah, my father tells me the same thing."

"I'll bet what he didn't tell you," the Toad General said, appearing in the field where the girls were lounging, "was how panicked he was. Hah! You should've seen him. He came to me because he knew we had a human girl here, too, and asked for advice."

Celeste smiled. It wasn't such a strange thought to imagine the Penguin King all stressed out; he often was, especially when it came to Celeste. "Did he try to get you to take care of me?"

The Toad General gave a slow shake of his head. "No, actually. He was quite insistent that you return with him to the Snow Kingdom. It was problematic, really. Poor Peach had already gotten so attached to you by then, though you'd hardly stayed a day."

Peach looked at her with a sad smile. "Could you blame me? It'd probably been a while since I'd seen another human..."

"Oh, I know that. And that's what I told the Penguin King, too, but he wouldn't have it. It was cruel to you, but I couldn't complain. You were quite the handful, you know."

Celeste snickered, nudging Peach affectionately. "Yeah, they couldn't have two troublemakers in the castle."

"It was for the best, I suppose," Peach admitted. "But I suppose that's why I remember always having such a strong affection for you, Celeste. I must've decided on that day that we were sisters."

Peach placed the flower crown she was making atop Celeste's head, carefully maneuvering it around the tiara so it rested across her forehead.

"Thank you, Peach. For everything," Celeste murmured, reaching out to grasp Peach's hand. "Especially for being my sister."

"Of course," Peach smiled, "sister."

WAA TY FOR READING,,, I had fun writing this!! :D

[mars101]

Act 5: -> Scene 1: Lee Hyunjae Jaehyun

WRITTEN PART -> (0.8) -> no ss after text

june 10th, 2002.

hey travel diary, it's your favorite girl!! just saw the most hottest boy ever.. ♡♡ ok well i have seen a lot of cute boys while solo traveling but this one is different. this time… we actually talked. he sounds so majestic, a voice so smooth i think im melting as i remember the sound of it

i was feeling brave today and decided to approach him at this cute cafe, i saw him through the front window and i just had to talk to him.

his name is lee jaehyun, but i like to call him hyunjae for fun hehe. we're the same age and he's here for his studies, a semester at the university nearby. said he's deciding to go into business, you know what that means.. rich husband in the future ;)

we're going on a date tomorrow night at this restaurant by his university. the dress code is semi-formal but i'm not sure if i have anything like that in my luggage. he said that it's fine and anything i wear will be beautiful to him..

maybe later that night we'll… dot dot dot :)

July 16th: One day before Yin's Wedding.

The four were now sailing around the island. Juyeon controlling the sails and Younghoon napping on the deck. Leaving Hyunjae and Yin to talk.

“Ah, congratulations on your wedding by the way. I haven't been to one in forever, I'm honestly a little excited”

yin chuckles softly, “im excited too! i haven't been to a wedding since i was a kid”

“It's funny that Y/n now has a grown daughter, I would've loved to have a daughter. I would've spoiled her with anything she wanted.”

“do you have kids?”

“Nope, only a dog, his name's Darong..”

“hmm cute! i've always wanted a pet but i'm always running around doing stuff”

“That's perfect for pets though? Ah wait, how old are you again? I don't think I asked yet.”

“i’m twenty!”

“Oh wow! Twenty, hmm twenty years ago was around the time i met your mother..”

“how did you meet my mom..?”

Hyunjae grins as he thinks about past memories, “It was at a cafe on the mainland, I was there for a semester and honestly I should've stayed for longer if I knew I was going to meet someone like your mother.” Yin smiled softly at the sight of his gleaming eyes while talking about her mom.

“Your mom saw me from outside the window and went inside just to talk to me, the first words she said to me was,” He chuckles while remembering her past words, “hey good-looking, are you single?”

yin's mouth is agape at the idea that her mom was so bold, “no way mom said that” hyunjae smiled while shrugging, “Your mom was very charming when we first met. So charming that I decided to ask her out on a date the next day..”

“you must've really liked her”

“Of course I did. I'm going to be honest. She was the first woman to ever pursue me first. I was always the one chasing after others, which did not work at all, so to have a beautiful woman call me good looking and basically ask me out, I was going to make this a thing."

“and did it become a thing?”

Hyunjae leans back on his hands and looks away from Yin. “Well.. No? We did go on a bunch more dates and were practically stuck together all the time, but sadly, my semester had already ended. I had to go home after meeting the possible love of my life.” Yin frowns at this, “Don't worry, it was years ago, and I'm alright now, came here to possibly become close with your mom again.”

“Oh, not like that Yin, only as friends. I wouldn't want to do that to you when your dad is here. Oh, where is he by the way. I want to see who was the lucky guy to marry Y/n”

“uhm.. i don't know!”

“Oh! Uh.. I'm sorry, what?”

“i don't know who my dad is..”

june 24th, 2002.

no way… he's leaving me :( my hyunjae…

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN A GAP YEAR, maybe if i went to college right away i could've been in the same uni as him (if i did what jiwoo did and applied to every place we could think of)

i thought traveling was supposed to be fun, not heartbreaking. why does this happen to me :((

first, that beautiful man walked away after making eye contact with me for 10 seconds and now hyunjae..

what's next..? wait, im not going to say anything just in case i jinx myself

synopsis = a day before her wedding day, Yin decides to find her father so he can walk her down the isle, the problem? There's three candidates: Lee Juyeon, Kim Younghoon, and Lee Hyunjae.

last/next

masterlist

taglist:

@boomhoon , @sanasour , @loonaluvz , @jaerisdiction , @cowsmicwu , @jundundun , @piripurora

[bauhausluvr]

a lot happened today, good and bad, and im still processing it. but i'll try to retell it all below. warning: this will be long and graphic

major tw for self-harm

so i had class with M and everything was fine, I even got to talk with her a few times which i was really happy about. but later when we were doing our own thing, she got really fascinated with this one student which made me want to cry because i was jealous she was so intrigued and spent so much time with them. this student is also so much cooler than me so i understand why. i got super upset at myself for feeling this way, so with very little thought i left the room to go to the bathrooms and consequently slash my arm up

i had new blades and i was in such a state where i wasn't thinking so i wasn't careful with how i cut, i just wanted to do some damage, and i ended up bleeding much more than i usually would. once i saw how much blood there was on me and on the floor, i realised i had to stop the bleeding and used a bunch of paper towels to make it stop. eventually, unluckily for me, i ran out and spent a long time just rinsing my arm under the water (which in hindsight definitely prolonged the bleeding), but i couldn't go to the next stall for paper since there were people outside and it seemed to keep being taken.

had i not gone in the stall with barely any paper left i probably would've avoided this, but this led to me having to ask the people outside for paper and since i was kind of panicked i was saying i had a medical emergency, so this led to them getting a teacher down to check on me and basically the whole process of first aid coming down to bandage my arm n setting a welfare meeting for another day since this was at the end of the day.

what i didn't expect however was M to come down as well. i felt super embarrassed and ashamed once i saw her face, i didn't know how to react. but once she heard I was harming myself she came in to comfort me, even calling me her 'baby' when coming down and hugging me. i hugged her back tightly and sobbed into her shoulder, it was so comforting.. she has such a motherly charm its crazy. she soon revealed she also used to self-harm, even at work, which made me feel so much more at ease since i felt extremely bad about myself as i feel like i should've grown out of these feelings by now, but i clearly hadn't.

after all the paperwork and talk was done, i went back to her class to get my stuff back and found she edited my work and added her own little charm to it while i was gone (we were just playing around with an editing program) 😭. since everyone was gone by then i asked to talk w her alone and ppl kept coming in the class, so M grabbed my wrist gently and led me out somewhere where only us two can talk

i basically thanked her for her hug and all her kind words, and was sorry that she had to witness me at such a state. following this we talked for a little bit about her own struggles with self-harm and having to be sectioned, and about her thoughts on me which, i wish i could remember all the details, but i was so messed up i only remember it partly. regardless, it was lovely to hear and definitely what i needed at the time.

one of the best parts of this whole aftermath conversation was when i not-so-jokingly said i have mommy issues and she laughed saying "I KNOW" 😭😭😭. i was rlly taken aback by that so i stuttered and asked what made her come to that conclusion, and she basically just talked about stuff like my conservative mother and catholic upbringing which i brought up to her. she later said that she had her own struggles w her daughter and how she kinda sees that in me, to which i hesitantly said "i kinda wish you were my mum" and SHE SAID "me too right now" ?!!??"! IDK HOW I DIDN'T IMPLODE RIGHT THEN..

during this whole conversation we hugged so many more times and it was kinda awkward at one point cuz her lanyard got stuck on my cardigan LMFAO but it was so healing and awesome to talk w her about all this, even if i wish she didn't have to witness any of it. there's so much more i could say but if i gave all the details then this post would be 10x longer. obviously i didn't mention why i cut in the first place, and i'm contemplating even doing so to anyone cuz i don't want her taken away from me.

with all that said despite all the horrible stuff, something good came out of it and i'm grateful for that, although i worry it deepened my attachment to M even further....which honestly was inevitable at this point anyway.

[letters2am]

17th December 2022

Dear M

So much should've been said in the past one week but it wasn't. It was quiet, it was work, it was self review that one time I've to judge myself from a corporate point of view, tell people what I've done and where I've lacked. Everything is a haze. I am in constant turmoil.

And there is you, looking at your face every now and then calms me down. I feel these days that you know how I feel, and you smile at me thinking I'll look at your photograph. I do. Your smile is lovely. You being in the photograph, fades everybody away. I do only see you.

I am in Mumbai right now and there is so much thc in my blood. I made hash brownies the other day and I got super high, like I was remembering my past, how it had been for me living in Palwal all those years ago, our family dynamics, my father's protectiveness for me as his first born daughter; two separate interpretations of movie Annihilation, more discussion about Piyush and our relationship.

You know I asked him to read about the article about women these days not having libido for man with man-child characteristics, I must have rattled him or something, I seriously can't tell. But it's true, his lousiness or dumbness about life and not really knowing what to do, puts me off. Makes my vagina go dry. I do masturbate on occasion but when he approaches, my mind is like "c'mon, do your little book reading or sth, and leave these things to me". In bed, he has seldom idea what he is doing. A big turn off. I wish he reads the article and realises what he is supposed to be doing. You can't make people attain common sense.

Anyway, I feel I carry this big ball of sadness and on occasion when I let myself have fun, it's amazing. Talking when high, on this night, was cathartic. Like I was moving from one painting to the other. In the first one, I was a person outside my body, no one cares what I do and do not. Hell! they don't understand even if I explain things, may be they can't hear me, so what's the point of it, you know.

It made me realise, I gotta do a bunch of things in my life and that needs no one's approval. After this realisation, feminist in me also thought how wives keep looking at their husbands/fathers to see them, listen to them and give them permissions to do things that they want - the whole patriarchal shebang.

I can't shake the feeling of being rejected by everyone in some way, you know my grandmother cried the day I was born because she wanted a grandson. I imagine what my father would've said to her - he would've fought with her and called her a fool for not liking his baby daughter. I feel so loved by him at every step of the way. I have a strong imagination but I know his love is pure and real. Fathers and daughters. I did cry a lot today, missed him and wondering what he is doing right now. He is getting old, and yet very cute and full of life.

I felt that I can be my own person. I also thought about becoming a farmer. I was so desperate to get out of that small town and start a life in the city where I wouldn't be inferior in everyone's opinion. I've felt inferior to others quite a few times in my life, all those days when I was not earning. It became a different journey when I started earning. Now I feel farming is a good way to survive and give back to the earth. I'll compost and use solar energy for most of my needs. I need to find a place where I can buy a piece of land and build a house. A place where temperatures are not extreme and it has plenty of water.

I thought about different things after that, like unsafe spaces for women, train journeys specially when Piyush mentioned how much he likes to sleep to train sounds, I told him it was fun until the time I was groped, molested or inappropriately touched on a train. I was always on guard after that and never enjoyed train rides. It was whole of Palwal where I felt unsafe and all of us wanted to get out of there. I told him about this boy who lived in the same colony as me - Aashu. He was autistic, his family treated him like an animal, or a servant whenever they felt like. They didn't send him to a proper school. I felt really bad for him, I wanted to curse his family. I used to say hello to him every time I came across to him. He seemed very kind and always smiled at me. His younger brother was evil, I always wanted to slap him. He evangelised my brother into a nasty teenager. I really hated him.

You must be thinking that I am so full of myself, judging everybody, making my own world and playing a character whenever I feel like. I even write letters to myself, once a year on my birthday. It's a ritual that I started when I turned 21. I read previous year's letter and write a new one to the next year me. I stopped in between, I lost sense of self in between, I am getting all that back now. May be that's why I am talking so much about myself today.

I love writing to you and I love you, I hope you know that even I am talking about myself.

-

S

[twig-the-toad-licker]

Kitzy's Scary Stories #3 (The Father's Grave)

"Within this month is a day, to celebrate fatherhood in every which way. As such, I bring with another grim tale, of love that ascends far past the vale. A father's love can last through any weather, but sometimes, one might say, dead is better."

"Once upon a time there was a little girl, clad in a purple hairbow and eyes shone like a pearl. She loved her mother dearly, but her and father were quite the pair, playing about outside the house without a single care. But her father got a fever, and at just eight years old, her father passed away in bed, leaving their hearts cold."

"Now it was the anniversary, of that faithful day, and the girl sat in bed said aloud, 'Can't there be another way?'. 'Yes!', a chipper voice said to her surprise, 'Your father can come back again, even though he's gone and died!'. The voice was jovial and light, though the girl could've sworn, that the voice came from beneath her bed, where all nightmares are born."

"'Give me a special sweet today, and I do solemnly swear, to give your father back tonight, with no need for a prayer!', the girl hopped off her bed and headed towards her mother, who baked her cookies when she asked, though it was not yet supper. She left the plate under her bed, and later off she went, to greet her father at his grave, dreaming of the days spent."

"She walked through the mists and shadows to where the dead did lay, thinking only of her papa and how much they'd soon play. She heard a creek echo as she grew near, like hefty lumber being mulched through iron gears. Another creek followed, then the squelching of the earth, as fresh soil broke away to bring a new rebirth."

"She stayed still and listen, and soon she saw a sight, that made her young heart brighten with delight. Through the shining moonlight she saw her father's bowtie, one made to match her own that he wore where he lied. She rushed forward and hugged him oh so tight, even if the state of him would've given most quite the fright."

"After a year in the ground, her father had badly decayed, but all that was no matter, when there were games to be played. Her father did not bite or claw, nor did he dismember, so even if he wasn't all there, it was certainly a night to remember."

"So perhaps he should've stayed dead, but perhaps I pose instead; that a girl so young needs their parent, or at the very least, a friend."

[theway-itwas]

20240322

back.

back again to this. to you.

back to the longing stares. i didn't want it to end. i don't want it to end. you're so beautiful.

every touch and glance makes me imagine the life i could've had with you. the life i would've had with you. the life where i pick you up and spin you around--the one where i treat you like a princess and make you feel like one. the one where i bring flowers to your art shows and i'm your biggest fan. i imagine what it would have been like to hold your hand, or surprise you at work, or hear you ramble on about random things, and feel so lucky to even be able to listen.

maybe regret isn't the word. maybe longing is what i was born to do. maybe it is for the better, but it's the pain of knowing what could have been if things had gone a bit differently.

maybe i'm right and always will be for staying where i am. you're not only way out of my league, but you're simply too good for me. how could i live with myself if i knew i was poisoning you? if you knew how i thought about you, despite being with someone else. if you knew the truth, you never would have spoken to me.

but i know you feel it. the longing, the connection, the way i come almost too close to crossing the line, but always sit just behind it, holding myself back. i should've told you then. i should've tried, at the very least. i should've made it clear when i had the chance. and now it's far too late. all we will be left to do is think of what could have been. all i will ever be is a coward.

i think of how i must've hurt you. god, it was probably a shot straight through the heart. i have blood on my hands and you think i don't know. and we were in this weird limbo, where we weren't more than friends, but the energy and the connection were clearly too intense to ignore. and now, you've done it. you've found someone else.

it kills me inside, because i knew. i knew months ago that my window was closing. i hate her. she's just like me, and i hate her. she's so much better than me in every single way, and i despise it. she's perfect for you, and i hate it.

i can't and i will not do anything about it. not only am i too much of a coward, but i'm also too good--or maybe i lack even that goodness--to even try. i would never hurt them like that, though if you asked me to drop everything to be with you, i don't think i would have the strength to resist.

i try to remember that what's meant to be will be, but i'd also like to believe i'm in control of my own fate. or maybe i just don't want the responsibility.

i'm sorry. to them, i almost feel as if i should repent. to any god that will listen, if any of them even exist, i hope they forgive me. and to you, i'm sorry, too--maybe most of all. i'm sorry for never saying anything. i'm sorry for hurting you. i'm sorry for not having the strength to tell you, both for the outcome we see today, and for not letting myself give in to you.

you are my strongest temptation, and my biggest regret.

[chandlerxfitzgerald]

No Requiem // self para

Chandler never minded living in luxury's generous lap. He spent the money on designer clothes, owned the latest advances technology offered, and practically slept on silk sheets night by night. He even held the option being driven around the city by another, but today, this is something that required a trip alone. No private drivers means no one would judge him. True, he oftentimes enjoyed an audience of his flourishing dramatics, this time isn't the right moment for a performance.

He stepped out of the Rolls-Royce as soon as he pulled up along the edge of where he knew Douglas' grave sat and slung the duffle bag over his shoulder with a gentle huff. As he began the trek through the newly trimmed grass, he passed tombstones engraved by the names of the dead and placed aside the thought of how much he truly despised cemeteries. They were depressing, a reminder that a majority who ended up there had died at Urie's hands, at least that is what the young Fitzgerald imagined. Chandler finally reached the final resting place of the man who caused so much damage to everyone around him. The tombstone was tall, foreboding in a way, and a sculpted angel sat at the very top, looking down on him as if in mockery. Douglas was no angel in life, definitely not one in death. It may as well have been Lucifer's previous angelic form overseeing the former Hedgestone leader.

"Well, hey. Pops." Chandler greeted sarcastically, dropping the bag he hauled to the ground and sticking his hands in the pockets of his wool coat. His gaze briefly flickered the etching on the stone, the elaborate border lovely if it weren't for its place on a monster's marker. The header, Father, son, husband, dedicated leader forced a snort from the irony. Dedicated leader, Chandler's ass. "You're probably gazing up at me from Hell and wondering why I've wasted my time coming all the way here. I have a faction you cared more about than your own children to help run." He waved a hand dismissively and continued, "Personally, I think we should've cremated your ass and flushed what's left of your ashes down the toilet like the piece of shit you were. Would've been funnier."

"Morrigan's doing fantastic, by the way." Chandy couldn't deny the smug grin stretching his lips, glowing pride overtaking every inch of his being. "You underestimated her, Pops. She can be ruthless when she sees fit, she instrokes fear in an artful precision you never succeeded during your reign, and we both know who we have to blame for that. Don't we?" The thing they didn't talk about, those nights of torment and psychological warfare waged by their father leaving scars in different methods.

Chandler erased the memories from his mind for the moment. "She stole a page from your book, though. Messing with someone's head, forcing her victims to believe something that was not actually true just to make an example." He nodded once, "True, Momo knows you wouldn't have hesitated executing two traitors if you were still in charge, but she bloodies her hands when needed. She isn't the meek flower obeying under a dominate man that you thought she would be. The prize, the submissive whose only purpose was providing her husband a male heir. A sexual object incapable of thought." Morrigan rose above and proved her worth. "She's a kingless queen. And I her loyal second-in-command standing proudly through thick and thin."

His eyes hovered over the death date, practically burning a hole in the granite, as he fell silent for a long minute. "Do you know the day I remember often? I was fourteen. It had been about a month since I came to live in the mansion and you forced me to a suit fitting. You gave the spiel about how I was flying the Urie banner and shoved the responsibility of sharing duties with Desmond down my fucking throat." There was another pause. "That's also the time I finally understood how worthless you thought about your own daughter. You made me her replacement and I never asked for it." A sardonic chuckle exited Chandler's mouth at the next statement. "However closeminded you became, no matter my particular lifestyle, you'd rather suffer a flamboyant son than hand over power to a woman. I wasn't about to make it easy for you, Pops...I wanted you paying for it every goddamn day."

"Do you want to know a secret between us manly men with our superiority just because we have dicks? The same way you underestimated Morri, I underestimated you with your cruelty." Chandler began fidgeting with the sleeves of his coat considering the tightness those memories created constricting inside his throat. When most people experience severe trauma as the siblings endured, a brain would block out what causes the pain and buries it deep. Untouched, forbidding access until the person is ready if they ever reach the point in their lives. "Four days. You dragged me from my room to your office and subjected me to Morrigan's imprisonment. The whippings, every punch, I felt along my flesh as if I was there. You fucked with the temperature of my bedroom. Freezing cold with nothing to keep me warm but the sound of Morrigan's screams all night long as company. I couldn't sleep with that sound ringing in my ears. If I ever broke free from that room, I swore I would have hunted you down and separated your head from your body. Without question."

Chandler perceived himself as an overall friendly extrovert who could be bothered offering kindness to anyone that didn't deny his hand of friendship. He was the life of the party and welcomed the adoration, which made his interests of theater in his high school days reasonable. A temper tantrum and revealing the wrath wasn't synonymous with Chandler's personality, but as guarded as he is with emotions, he experienced them ten times stronger than most. "You were a suffocating presence in my life, Douglas. There was this," His hand hovered to the side of his temple, indicating his head, "This noise I couldn't silence. Your voice and her screaming repeating over and over like that fucking recording. I wanted to die. Believe me, those thoughts crossed my mind while I laid there in my bed. Shivering one night and sweating the next." The man's expression grew somber for a flicker and then drained completely of anything. "I was taunted by the pair of scissors in my desk drawer. The letter opener on my desk Dezzie gave me for my sixteenth birthday, it'd be that easy ending my suffering and spiting you in the process."

Another unspoken secret not even his psuedo sister knew and had she, it would break her heart surely. "I fought for Morrigan to stay alive, so I bided my time obediently. I knew the moment that diploma landed in my hand, I was gone. Away from Hedgestone, away from my responsibilities, from you. Running was the only option I had. Still...you didn't break me how you wanted." It sounded falsely confident and certainly, the sake of his self-esteem depended on faking until he could make it, and providing Douglas the gratification wouldn't ever materialize. "Then I arrive home to hear you and Dezzie perished in a car bombing. While my brother's death caused ripples of mourning in the community, yours was met with no deserving fanfare. As they say, the kingdoms never weep when the villain falls."

Chandler dropped to one knee beside the bag and unzipped it, removing the only object contained within and rising to a standing position. The brand new sledgehammer he purchased for this specific visit came highly recommended by the hardware store he purchased it from. The clerk clearly knew who he was the moment Chandy strutted through the door and was right forgoing asking questions as to why a Urie elite required the piece of equipment. "No one lights a candle to remember you, Douglas. No one prays while your corpse rots, certainly not me." Chandler gripped the handle and inspected the metal piece attached to the top thoroughly, "I want you to know the punchline. That boy you mutilated and tossed in the river like garbage, the name you thought you beat from your daughter, wasn't the one Morrigan was seeing. His name's Julian Reese."

Chandler raised the sledgehammer over his shoulder, uttering the small sweet victory, "You lose." The mallet's first forward swing landed right in the middle of the epitaph, poetically making contact on Douglas' name. The satisfaction instantly shot down his spine and slowly traveled from limb to limb. A euphoric experience exploding from pent up aggression and placing feelings underneath the floorboards. He lifted the hammer and struck the stone again with a forceful grunt, sending substantial sizes of rock flying every which way. It was a miracle he wasn't hit by anything, but he didn't stop there. Watching Julian take out his rage on a batting cage sparked the idea and he wasn't pulling his shots with losing complete control like the other did. While Julian feared the strength of his anger, Chandy thrived on his. The hammer created contact several times, enlarging the cracks along the surface.

The pedestal in which the tombstone sat on finally gave way with Chandler taking a small step backwards as the remaining pieces collapsed in on itself and sent the angel toppling to the grass, shattering in two pathetic slivers. There is a certain beauty when destruction happens, chaos St. Cascadia brings out in its citizens. That even the most civilized man like him could become monstrous when facing a tormentor. If Chandler cannot kill Douglas, he would erase the last piece of the Urie patriarch's identity. "No one will remember you now, bitch." Shooting a middle finger at what was left of the gravestone, Chandy stuffed the sledgehammer back inside the duffle and looped his arm through the straps.

As Chandler moved away from the ruins after a long minute staring at what he created, he stopped at another gravestone that wouldn't suffer the same fate by a million years. "Hi, Dezzie. Don't mind the mess beside you. Though, if we're being a hundred percent honest, you were always a witness to mine. This is one I don't want you cleaning." The wrath previously dissipated and melancholy formed in its place. A heavy heart. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for the funeral. You'd want me not blaming myself, but the second I leave, I lost you. I was supposed to be at your side and I wasn't, Dez. I was supposed to protect you and I couldn't because of my cowardice. We needed you." Chandler did his best pushing back the tears no matter how they stung. "I still need you." The sentence hung in the air. "But I'll protect her like we've always done and I will spend every day making you proud. I promise." He reached out a hand and placed it on top of the stone.

"I love you, big brother."

And somehow by design, Chandler almost sensed Desmond saying it back.