#so while this still puts the focus on Jason it at least gives some insight into what Catherine and Jason's lives were like

[azol-otl]

So while I know that asking dc to make decent Jason Todd content is futile at best and a monkey paw’s curse at worst, there are some ideas I wish that they’d explore.

Imagine, a story that shows us more of pre-homeless Jason’s life and contrasting that with current Jason’s isolation. No overt tragedy. No focusing on Catherine’s addiction or Willis’ abuse/crimes. Just a normal ass day where the angst is created by the juxtaposition of happy baby Jason and current depressed Jason. Like I love angst and tragedy, but sometimes instead of showing us how fucked up his life is, why not just show us some good days and make the reader sad via fluff.

This is going to be kinda long and rambly so I’m putting the rest under a cut.

Have the story follow Jason on a day off. Just straight up no vigilante work. No costumes, no planning, no crime. 

When he wakes up, have him already be kind of melancholic (and for a free fanservice shot because it’s a Bat comic and those are a requirement now I guess) and make sure to show the date as May 10th *.  There is a message from Stephanie on his phone telling him, “Thanks for agreeing to cover me on Sunday.”

Have us follow him to a corner store that he used to go to when he was a kid. Have him be known as Cathy’s Boy instead of Willis’ kid. Fuck Willis we’ve had enough of him, show us Catherine’s relationship with Park Row. Have the shop owners call Jason “Flaquito”, because we’ve seen the Harlowe’s call him “Skinny Jason Todd” and nicknames never die. As George Lopez once put it, “You shit in your pants one time, you’re Caca for the rest of your life. It could be a grown man, fucking Caca. “Guess who’s getting married.” “Who?” “Caca.”  

Have it so that not everyone knows what happened to the Todd family (even in tight knit communities you have to remember that people are self-centered and sometimes someone just disappears and you hope that it was because they moved. Plus would you think that the kid you once knew got adopted by a billionaire? Also, despite everyone making the Waynes celebrities, I can assure you that most people don’t know shit about them.) and they’re happy to see Jason again. 

Have Jason pick up ingredients for a recipe he remembers Catherine making when they had money (because I don’t know how to tell you guys this, but when you’re poor you still splurge on some things. Money is always tight and money is never a guarantee so you need to enjoy things when you’re able to). Maybe she learned it from some old neighbors. Maybe Jason knew these old neighbors who moved away from Gotham. (Give the boy some fucking bonds that didn’t end in tragedy dc!)

 Have Jason go to a family selling flowers by the road. It’s a different family then the one he remembers, but over a decade later and there’s still people here selling flowers. He specifically buys some pink carnations with a flashback showing Jason ask Catherine for her favorite colors so she could get the prettiest flowers. She says favorite colors are pink and yellow but she doesn’t like yellow flowers because, “Yellow is too depressing a color for flowers, Jay.” **

On his way back home Jason passes by a group of people having a party in a small plaza near the apartments. There’s a bunch of people dancing but it seems to mostly be middle-aged women having a blast with one another. Have a flashback to the exact same women but younger dancing with Catherine who encourages Jason to dance with them because “Women love a man who takes them dancing.” 

Have Willis be someone who used to take Catherine dancing because my god do authors try to fit Jason into this toxic-masculine role (which they can I guess) but if Latinos, a group of people who are entrenched in a toxic-masculine mindset, still have some non-violent or oppressive ways of expressing themselves physically (dancing) then so can Jason. Please let me give my son some sort of physical way to destress that isn’t tied to cape-life (I know Dana called Jason a shit dancer but here’s the thing, you can be good at dancing some good things and horrible at others. The amount of people I know who can fucking slay at rumba, samba, bachata, cumbia, etc. but are lost as hell when it comes to American music is staggering. Even more when they only know how to dance with a partner). Plus there needs to be a reason why Catherine stayed with Willis pre-Jason, might as well make him be a bomb-ass dancer. 

Jason gets roped into dancing with the group of aunties because you can’t say No to aunties it's against the law.  Have him be a little clumsy before getting back into the hang of it (again flashbacks of a happy Jason dancing with the same tias because if there’s anything a tia loves, it is a polite (which we’ve already had confirmation that Jason was a polite boy from the Harlowes) boy who listens to them and can dance) and have the exact woman he danced with as a kid be the one he’s dancing with now but years older.

Just keep going through his day and have him try and connect with his old neighborhood in memory of his mom. Let him bring his walls down for one day.

The story would end with simultaneous panels of child and adult Jason putting on music (with child Jason putting on a CD while adult Jason is using his phone) before cooking dinner with the words of Juan Gabriel’s Amor Eterno playing in the background as we slowly zoom out.***

Some info for things I didn’t really explain:

* May 10th is Mother’s Day for Mexico and Guatemala but I’ve seen other Latinos adopt it. My own personal experiences with this day are that several working class Latina moms would take this day off to celebrate and then pick up extra shifts on American Mother’s Day so they can make more money by working all day while other moms try to get the day off. I believe Catherine would do the same so she could spend the day with Jason and not lose money.

** This quote is straight from my mom’s mouth. Yellow flowers aren’t generally seen as depressing, but cempasúchil (Mexican Marigolds) are famously used for Día de los Muertos so some people associate yellow flowers with funerals.

Catherine’s favorite color being pink is also a little nod to fandom’s take on Talia being like a mother figure to Jason. Since her main outfit for a good while was a pink jumpsuit I made it Catherine’s favorite color so Jason can honor them both in one action.

*** Amor Eterno is a famous song created in 1984 by Juan Gabriel about his mother after her passing. It is an incredibly famous song and one that is played both at funerals and Mother’s Day.

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

we are our family, even if we don’t want to be.

Titans 3.07

a bit over halfway through the season, and we still don’t have all of our main characters on the board! i love this show.

as always, typing this up as i watch. live reaction, baby! *shadowboxes*

SPOILERS AHEAD

1. i don’t think i’ve mentioned this before, but i kinda miss the old ‘dc universe’ intro. it was cool! the whole idea of it was wild and waaaaay over-ambitious, but also very very on-brand because of it.

2. this is... the third time we’ve seen dick sleeping this season? that’s a record! checking another thing off my s3 wishlist...

2.5. i guess i rag on titans all the time for its wafer-thin plotting and bad pacing, but i have to admit that this season has been a step-up from the last one in this regard. titans has very reactive rather than proactive protagonists, and a lot of the last season seemed to be: x happened, the team reacted badly, then y happened, they reacted badly, etc. this time around, it’s not a huge leap up by any means, but at least they’re doing something about it. 

i do appreciate the focus on character arcs over everything else. and when i say everything else, i mean it: arcs that started two seasons ago with no big cathartic moments, intermittent payoff and multiple relapses. big bads have ranged from interdimensional demons to superpowered assassins to whatever in the world scarecrow is, but trigon’s big weapon against the titans was to... use their worst fears against them. slade’s was to... use their fears to break them up. crane’s is to... use red hood to use their fears to break them up. even the threat of gotham’s citizens being in danger doesn’t feel real: gotham is mythologised into an entity of its own, infecting our heroes like a parasite. like. this is not to say that most other superhero media aren’t big character arcs intertwined with the main plot, but titans doesn’t even make pretend that it’s anything but.

anyway. that’s my entry #2345 to ‘give a grand unifying theory for titans’. thanks. i’ll be back with more.

3. “anger is just fear in a little black dress.” god I HATE HIM

(what’s he doing with barbara’s likeness? oh... oh god. a terrible thought just occurred to me. what if they introduce hush at the very last minute for plastic surgery shenanigans? would you put it past this show?)

3.5. jason, nooooooooo

3.75. i mean, they’re making it very clear here that scarecrow is the one in control--the one who’s always been in control--and is manipulating jason and literally poisoning him, but i hope it doesn’t end up erasing nuance or jason’s autonomy. if jason’s to reckon with the issues that brought him here, then the lines of responsibility will need to be set somewhere. 

(this applies to dick as well but more on that later, i guess.)

4. just--the phrase “40% loss of income” is so funny to me. like, gotham is full of these larger-than-life characters who are idiosyncratic beyond belief, colourful and dramatic and creating chaos just for the sake of chaos, and then there’s the regular criminals and their henchmen who just want to make a quick buck sitting down with pie charts and graphs, griping about the joker reducing their returns or debating high risk investments in, i don’t know, two-face’s next scheme.

“yyyyeeeeeaaah, my financial advisor is telling me that going all-in with a guy who literally makes decisions on the flip of a coin is probably not the greatest idea.”

4.5. god i hate smug!smarmy!scarecrow so much

4.85. as big plans to “control” gotham go, it’s pretty bog-standard. clearly scarecrow has some bigger plan in mind but it really feels like we’ve got no clear insight into him and he’s this generic creepy mystery-man who knows more than he lets on and springs a twist/cliffhanger every now and then. i liked the scenes with him and dick in 3.04 where it seemed like he was genuinely on the backfoot and things weren’t going as he predicted. for all of his faults, dick is at least familiar with scarecrow’s bullshit and knows not to give what he wants.

5. i mean... i see where dick is coming from with the “he’s not jason anymore; he’s red hood” because his immediate glaring concern is scarecrow’s drug and the damage it could potentially cause gotham? i do not doubt that it’s something batman drilled into him, too, but when you’re expected to take point on a situation where the lives of an entire city weigh down on your shoulders, it’s better to simplify things and prioritise. i’m not saying it’s great or healthy! gar is absolutely right to consider this facet of the situation. it’s just dick can’t.

6. hmmmmmmm. HMMMMMMMMMMM. 

i don’t know that i’m super fond of this iteration of oracle???? it looks like a cross between cerebro from x-men and jarvis from iron man. it’s giving me second-hand embarrassment. somebody help me.

(at least they remembered dick’s middle name is actually “john”. i like to think bruce printed D in that contract because for a while he genuinely thought richard “dick” grayson was his full name. duck duck goose, dick dick grayson, i don’t know alfred, the kid was in a circus, maybe they thought it was funny. or maybe it was a test in anger control, who knows.)

6.5 “maybe you two would like some time alone?” even AI can’t help hitting on dick grayson in this universe.

“oh mr grayson, if i only had another eye to see you better...”

6.8. on one hand, it’s a bit disconcerting that the title of ‘oracle’ has gone from barbara herself to this gigantic machine; from my impression of the comics-verse, barbara had an extensive computing and surveillance system, true, but she was very clearly the brains behind the operation. on the other hand, i’m kind of glad that the ethical boundaries that this kind of surveillance violates is a sticking point for barbara. (tho let’s be real, the nsa would kill to have this in their arsenal).

6.9. also it’s now obvious that scarecrow’s big plan is to take control of oracle itself. it’s why he had lady vic take that picture of her eyes, or why he’s meddling around with it on his computer.

6.95. if only i could ‘command sleep’ anybody overstepping their boundaries re: personal information...

7. “you can just sit back and watch as the titans destroy themselves.” i mean... he’s not wrong

8. “dick’s parents were killed by a criminal mob; he won’t work with them.” it’s wonderful that you have this insight into dick, kory, i just wish we could’ve watched some of these conversations actually happen on-screen.

8.5. i’m glad that kom’s being treated with such nuance and understanding, though it’s obvious that she definitely has a Plan of her own. (and did i entirely imagine her ability to mimic other people flawlessly at the end of s2? or is that going to come into play at some point?) i think her story has the potential to be genuinely poignant, and in a universe where being Different, either because of mental health or physical differences or whatever else, leads a straight line to Evil, it’s important to acknowledge and then emphasise that the mere fact of your existence as a Different Person doesn’t predispose you to evil. maybe your act of destroying a system that has destroyed you and not scrambling to “fit in” is only evil as defined by that system. 

8.8. “you’re trespassing, i should call the authorities, i feel unsafe.” now this is a villain lady who’s definitely aware of her privilege.

8.85. kom smirking knowingly at her sister is everything.

“oooh that’s the kory i remember”

9. conner and dick working together woo!

9.25. god i hate a villain who’s always just a step ahead, no matter what. so crane anticipated dick using oracle to track his personal communications and set him up? how did he know when exactly dick would get to do this? how long did he have that poor man tied up in that van?

(the “save me, grayson” is a nice touch, tho. send dick spiralling even further! because if there’s one thing dick will do, it’s take responsibility for every goddamn thing that goes wrong.)

9.5. ahem. i’m going to need a million gifs of conner yeeting dick across that yard, fandom, thankyouverymuch.

(i understand conner is invulnerable to explosions, but how do his clothes survive??)

9.8. oooh crane is already in oracle! i’m just sitting here laughing helplessly because they’re overpowering this goddamned guy so much. he can build a lab in arkham’s basement! he has access to lazarus puddles! he has minions working across gotham, including a fully functional chemical laboratory staffed by chemists who only answer to him! he has the crime families of gotham quailing in his very presence! he has assassins at his beck and call! he’s enough of a manipulative bastard to have red hood under his thumb! and now he has enough of a tech know-how to not only be aware of oracle, but know how to hack into it! i’m sick of exclamation marks! i’ll shut up now!

9.95. dick leaving behind that smouldering grave for a person he failed to save without taking a second to process how he feels about it and running towards his next plan to corner scarecrow: a microcosm of where his head’s at right now.

10. really hammering in the themes of this season, aren’t we. 

10.25. the interesting thing is the titans repeatedly call themselves a family this season (none more so than dick) and while that found family has helped encapsulate and put away their traumatic experiences with their ‘original’ families, it’s meant that they’ve not really dealt with those issues. and dick and gar and jason come from ‘found families’ of their own: they are twice removed, traumatised two times over. they still cling to this identity however, and because of it they’re losing each other. a family isn’t static. it’s an ever-evolving dynamic and you have to put in work constantly to keep it healthy.

10.5. anyway, that’s entry #2346. i’m here aaaalll night.

11. lookit gar the detective! half-transforming and using his powers to deduce things! what a hero! i’ve said this for a long time, but gar is the bedrock of this team, and an unsung one at that.

11.25. i’m confused about him calling this room jason’s though. it seems to me that this is dick’s room that jason later used, and one that dick’s using now. so the unmade bed isn’t really jason’s fault; dick was woken by barbara that morning, and in his hurry, he left without making his bed.

(it still confounds me that bruce didn’t find jason another bedroom in that gigantic mansion of his. you really didn’t give this kid a chance, did you?)

12. oh well. so much for the oracle.

13. ... sorry, wait. you didn’t think i wasn’t going to address the bit with dick right now, did you?

12.5. i honestly don’t think it’s very complicated: dick’s been reeling from one traumatic thing to the next, and just when it seemed like at the beginning of the season, he felt happy and secure with his team and his place in the world, bruce ups and leaves gotham to him, specifically naming him a successor and calling him a ‘better batman’. he’s lost garth and jericho and donna and jason and now hank and dawn. he’s not even sure where rachel is or what she’s doing. after being told that batman was a psychopath for moulding him into a weapon, he’s also been told that his failure to be a ‘better batman’ lead to further disaster. of course he’s going to get batman-goggles. of course he’s going to be a prick. 

12.8. i don’t know what to say. i feel his frustration acutely. i don’t think he should’ve said what he said to barbara (can people stop pushing her around this season????) but that pressure to step in where your parent fails? to clean up their messes and try to think like them? to fall into habits drilled into you when you developed them as coping mechanisms growing up? I FEEL THAT. 

every step he’s taking he’s putting 110% of himself in it and scarecrow’s still playing mindgames with all of them: i absolutely feel his desperation to take control of that game and turn it on scarecrow, no matter what it takes.

and he did apologise almost immediately, and finally--finally--actually works with barbara. 

12.9. again, not excusing him! but i get it. and i think that’s a sign of great character writing.

“did you know i just reminded emmram of all of her daddy issues? what the fuck????”

12.95. i love that dick&barbara, kory&kom, and gar are all approaching solving this mystery from different angles, each as valid as the other. also, conner is there as... emergency bomb defuser man?

13. it’s like all fancy rich people in fancy rich houses do is pour fancy rich alcohol into fancy rich glasses on pristine, untouched tabletops. i wonder what it’s like to live like that.

13.25. I KNEW IT! poor michael. it was nice knowing you.

13.5. man, kory is contending with a lot of issues that she’s successfully bottled up and compartmentalised until now. the cold reality that a child can seek out their parents as refuge and they can view the child as a piece to be moved in a greater game (never out of cruelty, though, never, and somehow that makes it worse), that truth of blackfire’s treatment on tamaran because she’s different, and her own culpability in what happened. she exchanged one family for another, after all, and left that family to die and her sister to suffer. like dick, like gar, kory’s being forced to reckon with what the titans are meant to be, the larger implications of creating their found family in their own space.

14. it’s probably because it’s one in the morning and i’ve had two glasses of wine but i did not follow that bit of exposition at all and victor freeze??? what? 

anyway. look at them solving things! together! go team!

“you made a deal with the mob?” oh the sense of betrayal on his face! fuck off, dick, your issues aren’t kory’s. 

15. conner is really sweet and a bit of an awestruck crush on kom is to be expected. especially after that power rangers-esque transformation (i say this as a former huge power rangers fangirl. i’ve seen every series until 2007 including the original japanese versions and written fanfic for all of them. so i love a cool costume transformation, is what i’m saying.)

also?

FUCK YEAH

16. i love the gotham crime families just chillin’ around eating ice cream. I LOVE THEM

16.5. that was a fun fight sequence, if marred slightly by that bit of awkward flirting between conner and kom. i wonder if she’s really planning to use him in a larger scheme to get kory back to tamaran, or maybe something else. 

16.75. so i’m assuming that scarecrow has jason either so paralysed by fear that he can barely move, or jason’s withdrawing from the drug that he’s been sucking in every few minutes. 

17. it’s nice to see them chill after a successful mission! and it can be awkward, but conner’s crush on kom and him striving to impress her is also, well, uh... cute.

17.5. i guess the dick/barbara scene was inevitable, especially given the... unresolved nature of their relationship in the flashbacks? and they’ve been through a rollercoaster together this episode, discovering and then destroying an incredible tool within a matter of hours, re-discovering just how well they work together as a team. dick’s swimming in the nostalgia. i don’t expect it to last as a long-term relationship, but i totally get why this is happening now. and hey, they’re cute!

i have a weeeirrrrd feeling that kory is going to leave to tamaran at the end of the season and that dick and kory will rekindle--or rather realise--their relationship just before that. it’s going to be devastating and beautiful and painful and i will be writing essays about it which would be me just wailing into the screen.

18. gar found molly!!!!!!! MOLLY’S BACK! \o/ gar is the BEST

19. that was a fun episode! i love this silly show, even if it does destroy me sometimes <3

[kimberlyannharts]

comic leak stuff under the cut

So Amazon just put up volume 5 of MM and PR up for pre-order, and their descriptions give some early insight into future story stuff.  And I do have to say Mat Groom’s direction for it sounds like a big improvement over how it’s been under Ryan - 

In the wake of the Eltarian War, the Mighty Morphin team finds themselves exposed due to a decimated Command Center which has left their connection to the Morphin Grid, the Power Chamber, vulnerable to attack. The Power Rangers and Zordon embark on a desperate mission to the Lion Empire to secure a new Command Center before their enemies strike, cutting them off from their powers forever! In order to do so, they’ll need to leave behind one of their own, Rocky the Red Ranger, with only Promethea and the Green Ranger as backup to defend Earth.. But Rocky won’t be able to focus on taking care of his family for long… as King Aradon of the Machine Kingdom and his forces invade Earth! Even with the Green Ranger by his side, will the Red Ranger be able to hold off Aradon’s Mechanical Minions long engouh for the rest of the Power Rangers to make it back in time? Rising star Mathew Groom ( Ultraman, Inferno Girl Red) and fan favorite artist Moisés Hidalgo ( Dark Blood) take control of the Command Center to usher in the next pulse-pounding Mighty Morphin saga! Collects Mighty Morphin #17-20.

Like there’s a lot of cool stuff connecting the franchise here (the Lion Empire from Ninja Steel!!  Archerina’s dad!!) but what really gets me?

The MMPRs are actually leaving Earth and doing stuff!!!!  They’re not treated like the secondary team to the Omegas because they’re stuck on Earth!!!!  ROCKY FOCUS!!!!!  And what’s more it’s building off of the repercussions of the last major event!!!!  We’re not brushing it under the rug!!!!!!!!!!  Yeah it still sucks that M/tt is still around but we can’t blame Mat Groom for that.  At least he’ll be away from Tommy and Kim for a while.    

compare this to volume 5 of PR - 

With the threat of the Empyreals defeated and Earth saved, the Omega Rangers must forge a new path for themselves! Massive galaxies, countless planets, and more than just humans in need of heroes inspires the Omegas to make a bold proclamation – they’ll go wherever they are needed and be heroes for the entire universe. Immediately separate distress calls from two distant planets force the team to split up. Zack and Trini soon learn that even the battles you win have costs, while Jason and Yale come face-to-face with a fan-favorite character on a mission of revenge! ! But protecting the galaxy means Safehaven is left unguarded and when an ancient containment canister is stolen, it may spell doom for the Omega Rangers… Superstar writer Ryan Parrott (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and fan favorite artist Marco Renna (Mighty Morphin) forge a bold new path for the Omega Rangers in the wake of the Eltarian War. Collects Power Rangers #17-20.

like not to be too hard on the book because maybe it’ll be more complicated than how this solicit presents it, but it feels like they’re going the same route they always have with the Omegas - glossing over the consequences of what they’ve done.  “The threat of the Empyreals are defeated!  The Earth is saved!  The Omegas are taking it upon themselves to help the entire universe!” is such a squeaky-clean way to progress their story it makes me cringe.  The threat of the Empyreals (that the Omegas had a part in releasing) are defeated!!  Okay, but what about the whole “Drakkon has his powers back and an army of space vampires” thing that the Omegas ALSO had a part in happening?  What about the fact that they freed Astronema from jail?  What about how they did nothing throughout Eltarian War except make things worse?  WHAT ABOUT KIYA, WHO THEY KEEP PROVING WAS RIGHT?   The books want to act like the Omegas have earned this position of HEROES OF THE UNIVERSE in spite of how they just continuously make things worse because we just have to ignore how they make things worse

And yes, it also sucks that they’re continuing this awful mindset that Jason, Zack, and Trini need to keep being rangers to be heroes.  Especially after rereading PINK.  Like man, come on  

[bigskydreaming]

I’m still laughing my ass off over that one post that was going around a week ago with the fanon depictions of the Batboys vs more canon-accurate depictions, and the various ‘defenses’ people leaped to for why fanon is so much better, and its just like....yawn.

See, its not like fanon can’t be better, and isn’t better with some characters, its not that it can’t ADD nuance.

None of that’s the problem.

The problem is when people ONLY use it to DETRACT nuance and then are like ‘wow, whats the problem, whats the issue.’

Let’s take for instance the infamous matter of Dick’s alleged asshole behavior to Jason back when the latter was Robin, because of Dick’s issues with Bruce at the time.

Here’s the thing - even though that’s not what happened, it IS a fairly plausible examination of what could have happened, so its not like there’s no reasoning or justification whatsoever in exploring it. Its that....its not ever explored. Its just used to one-side a situation and render Dick unsympathetic while Jason’s propped up as having been victimized by him and Bruce is largely kept off-stage entirely.

But because quite frankly we just didn’t see much of their interactions back then, period, theoretically, adding more conflict in this vein still COULD have fleshed out that time period and added nuance every bit as much as my preferred additions of more positive interactions between them.

But people don’t add in these conflicts simply to add nuance, they add them in just to add BLAME.

The fanon isn’t the problem there. What you do with the fanon and why is the problem.

Its like my issues with the Jason-Kori-Roy friendship. It’d be one thing if Roy and Kori’s presence in Jason’s life was used to PUSH BACK against Jason’s belief that Dick hated him or didn’t mourn him or even just to provide more understanding or context about Dick’s position or side of things at the time to Jason when he gripes about him, so he’s a little more inclined to be understanding of what that was like for his brother thanks to the viewpoints of people whose POV he values and who in turn have always valued Dick’s POV and position in things. 

But instead everything about the years of sympathy and understanding and insight Roy and Kori have always had for and in regards to Dick are flushed down the drain in order to have them join in with Jason when it comes to bashing and griping about that asshole Dick Grayson. Once again....perfect opportunity to add more nuance and complexity to a situation and a character dynamic, with it almost universally being pounced on to provide the reverse...to TAKE AWAY even MORE nuance and complexity from a situation by erasing anything and everything Roy and Kori might actually feel about what’s being said or believed of this other person they have a history of valuing a great deal.

Or like I was just saying earlier today about how its almost completely forgotten or erased that Dick was shot in the head upon Bruce’s return from the timestream, and was in an eminently sympathetic/hurt position for Bruce and Tim and others to come together around and put aside their own invididual resentments at least for the time being, in order to support Dick throughout an extremely dangerous and debilitating wound and recovery period. The issue with erasing, ignoring or invalidating Dick’s many traumas isn’t that ‘oh we just don’t like all the characters angsting 24/7, sometimes its too much, we like fanon happy-go-lucky Dick because he’s different,’ its like.....lol no, because if you’re still capable of and looking to rip into that depiction of Dick for....get this....not being able to get/grasp/empathize with the kinds of and degrees of trauma you still uphold for all the others, you’re really just looking to make him look unsympathetic in comparison, and shift focus away from their LACK of support and understanding for him when he really justifiably needs it in order to keep that focus instead on their contempt or bitterness for him no matter what else SHOULD have been taking place for him at the same time.

For example....going back to the Dick and Jason’s early years scenario.....I talk all the time about the Brother Blood situation, but guess what else that situation has? A time frame that’s pretty directly applicable to this Dick and Jason enmity scenario so many of you posit, given that the first two times the Church of Blood had Dick captive and were literally said to have released him back into the world secretly under their control....he was still Robin! And the third time, when he finally broke free thanks to the others (and Jason) rescuing him, it was only then that he was Nightwing. Meaning all of that is PERFECTLY positioned to be a fantastic and compelling additional underlying cause of Dick’s alleged early issuers/grievances with Jason.....the same mental turmoil that led to him lashing out against the other Titans like Donna in that infamous fight, could just as easily be said to have contributed or even been entirely behind any shitty interactions with Jason you want to posit happening back in the day. 

And look at how tragically dysfunctional that makes all of that instead then....Jason resents Dick for something that ultimately, isn’t actually his fault since he was never lashing out while in sound mind but as an unknowing reaction to a mental battle against conditioning he didn’t even know was there at the time.....and this being a surprise revelation to Jason years later making him mentally reframe all their history, because Dick never said anything about this earlier because due to his guilt complex he felt it would have just been him making excuses or trying to let himself off the hook instead of a valid and understandable added layer of context. 

That’s SO much more compelling and interesting than just a one-sided ‘one brother is an ass to the other for no real reason whatsoever, at leat not one we’re willing to acknowledge as being anymore relevant than a random footnote’.....but the problem isn’t that people go off fanon vs canon, the problem is REGARDLESS of whether people are using fanon or canon, people just don’t WANT Dick’s position in any of these times to be sympathetic or understandable, they want him JUDGED for it, condemned. They’re not TRYING to craft interesting, compelling dynamics or situations, they’re trying to make him the bad guy, always the bad guy, and the other person just unilaterally his unfortunate victim.

Just like with Tim and Red Robin, for all that even when people are like ‘nobody was really at fault/its not like Dick had another option with Damian, etc’ in PRACTICE there’s literally no distinguishing between this take and ones where Dick is just wholly irredeemable for his unforgivable choice, because despite even lip service paid to the idea that Dick had his reasons for what he did, there’s no actual PAY-OUT ever given to the idea that he’s anything less than terrible a brother to Tim for it...like, fanon is never the issue here, its just straight up canon....being willfully picked apart and reframed to make the issue entirely one-sided. 

People pile on all the additional reasons Dick’s terrible for not taking into account Tim’s headspace at the time, like all the other people he’s lost in the last couple years comic book time, but again, at most there’s lip service about how Dick was going through a lot to, but its never added in to any degree that MATTERS or lessens the characters’ or readers’ vilification of him....while at the same time, there’s a willful disregard of and refusal to engage with all the other things and people Dick had lost in the same time frame, comic book time, like oh.....every single thing that happened in Bludhaven with Blockbuster, Tarantula and Deathstroke, given that the former was literally concurrent with Stephanie’s death and the latter right after Jack Drake’s death. 

There’s never allowed any resentment from Dick towards Tim for not giving a single shit about what he was going through at the time, or for assuming he had no idea how to relate to the depth of Tim’s grief as though Dick hadn’t literally gotten a front row seat to his entire city being nuked by Chemo in that exact same time frame, with it still being touted that Dick just didn’t have any understanding or empathy for Tim’s many losses of the time. There’s never any frustration allowed from Dick about how much Tim resents him for making him give up Robin when at the same time, it was Tim and mostly Tim alone who pushed Dick to give up being Nightwing and assume the Batman mantle when even Bruce’s will had expressed to Dick that this was not what he wanted for him. 

Again, never even time or focus given to Dick being shot in the head on Bruce’s return before using that to call in Bruce as reinforcements for Tim yelling ‘how could you do this to me,’ let alone any acknowledgment of the fact that Dr. Hurt, the very same villain that shot Dick in the head there, is the very same villain who had Dick locked up, straitjacketed, drugged up and on the verge of a lobotomy in Arkham for a week just BEFORE Bruce’s assumed death.....because lolol, it’d make people look pretty silly for taking Dick’s one comment about asking if Tim maybe needed to take a break and look after his mental health in Arkham to the extremes they did, if forced to acknowledge that at the time, Arkham was a TOTALLY different proposition due to how extensively Dick was invested in its rebuilding and overseeing its running thanks entirely TO that time, just before Arkham blew up and needed rebuilding from the ground up in Battle for the Cowl....because of the fact that Dick himself had just spent a week locked up and straitjacketed and drugged to the gills and on the verge of a lobotomy thanks to the oh so tender mercies of Dr. Hurt’s accomplices having the run of the place.

Because end of the day, the problem with this fandom and Dick Grayson is not fanon, and its not canon, its fandom. Its the willful DESIRE to not have any minimizing or mitigating context on display ever, so as to only keep the worst possible interpretation of Dick’s actions - either drawn from canon or fanon, whichever is most handy for a particular scenario - front and center. 

So yeah, the idea that fanon adds nuance or context to Dick’s dynamics with any of his family is hilarious, not because it CAN’T, but because too many people are just entirely too unwilling and uninterested in allowing it to, just as they’re uninterested in any interpretation of actual canon that provides Dick with a smidgen of empathy or understanding for his positions or choices.

Like, that’s the POINT of most of your fanon for him. To strip AWAY nuance. So how are you going to be out here acting like you’re really contributing something to his character that canon doesn’t provide, when really, its all the same to you across the board: Dick Grayson is never justified let alone sympathetic ever? 

[dreamerandcrazy]

Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.

[black-streak]

Waiting for the Worms - Comfortably Numb

Part 5

Warnings as always. This isn't terribly dark. Again, more informative, but a fun little lead up towards the future, so there's that. (Take note of the way Marinette describes her movements, it's not extremely important, but gives a little insight to her mind.)

(Closed list) People I've had on hold for a week: @northernbluetongue @thethirdwheelfriend @shizukiryuu @theatreandcomicfreak @michellemagic @karategirl119 @moonlightstar64 @my-name-is-michell @mystery-5-5 @zalladane @queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm @miraculousdisapointment @dorkus-minimus @jardimazul @allthebooksandcrannies @g-arya @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @persephonescat @mycupisbroken @luciferge @18-fandoms-unite-08 @dawnwave16 @alwaysreblogneverpost @kris-pines04 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @weird-pale-blonde-person @you-will-never-know-how-i-think @kokotaru @naclychilli @slytherinhquinn @clumsy-owl-4178 @ladybug-182 @darkthunder1589 @evil-elf16 @dast218 @lysslovsanime @emilytopaz @naoryllis @iloontjeboontje @thepeacetea @danielslilangel @finallyaniguana @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @vixen-uchiha @yuulxd @bleeding-heart-romantic @magic-inthe-stars @st0rmy-w1th1n

~---~

Sitting in a coma for a year was only mildly less terrible than sitting in a grave for however long. 

On the one hand, Marinette was in a coma for a much longer period of time as far as she could tell. On the other, she was alive and could feel this body. Could hear the nurse read the newspaper to her, always announcing the date at the beginning of the visit. Sure, most of the news of this local area meant very little to her, but beggars can't be picky or whatever the saying was. 

Still, nothing could possibly beat the feeling of waking up fully. As these eyes (Both! They both opened now!) took in the room, she decided to focus in on her nurse. Watching the little delicate movements and shifts and attempting to replicate them to ensure all her nerve endings still worked. That muscles, large and small, still responded to commands, nothing paralyzed or unresponsive. While every movement strained against itself, everything still worked to some extent. Weak, but there. It seemed laying mostly still for over a year and a however much longer had deteriorated the muscle mass. Not surprising, but annoying when she desperately wanted to work her body into a frenzy just to prove she could. 

Laying there a little longer to take stock of healed over injuries, she came to the realization that this throat felt weird. She opened the mouth and attempted to ask the nurse, only for nothing to come out. Narrowing eyes, she reached out and gently tapped thin fingers on the nightstand next to the still reading nurse, drawing his attention to her.

Startled molten gold met her and suddenly he was up and taking the vitals, checking everything to be sure Marinette was truly awake and okay. He started speaking in a soothing, soft voice, though she could barely focus on the words enough to process them. Reaching out again, she stopped him midstep and then brought that same hand up to the throat to indicate the problem. She couldn't speak.

The man seemed to understand and nodded along, quickly paging a doctor and coming back to her, pressing a button to gently prop her up and slowly adjust a few machines before turning back and slowly asking a few basic yes or no questions. 

Did she know who she was? Yes, she was Marinette, stuck in the once dead body of her soulmate. She shook to indicate she didn't. With the state of the grave, she doubted she would be welcomed back to the manor. Best not to let them know who Jason was and have them contacting Bruce.

Did she know where she was? A hospital. She gave a nod for that.

Did she know the date? Yes, the nurse had read the date every day for a little over a year now. That much was easy to agree to, despite the timeline confusing her.

Does she know what happened to her? Well yes, but she shook her head no. She couldn't very well explain dying by Joker's cruelty while in the wrong body as Robin and climbing out of a grave. That was like, three separate identity reveals to one stranger. It also made zero sense and she'd probably end up institutionalized.

With the knowledge that she understood him and wasn't brain dead, the man informed her of the various injuries she knew of, plus a few bonus ones that alluded her. Then, he mentioned her inability to speak.

While all of the breaks and bruising had healed up well, the damage to the vocal chords had been horrific and while they did their best, the damage was done. They couldn't even remove them without it potentially cutting off her airway or esophagus.

She was effectively mute.

Marinette finally woke up after a year in a coma and however long in that grave and she still couldn't scream to her heart's content. This was stupid.

All she could do was glare off into space, ignoring the doctor that came in to do a checkup. 

…

After a week they took her off feeding tubes and IV only hydration and started reintroducing a liquid diet. Progress was slow and painful, but necessary.

After another two weeks they brought in soft solids like pudding and oatmeal. This is also when they first tried to help her stand up a little on her own and fine motor control was finally stable enough to write short phrases on a white bored. Rehabilitation was turning out to be an annoyingly long process.

After a month in this place, she finally left her room for the first time and abruptly realized they transferred her to a children's hospital at some point. It made sense. Jason was about fifteen when she died for him and small due to his time on the streets. Stunted growth, likely. They probably assumed she was about fourteen right now, despite the year technically making them sixteen. Even then, it would make the cutoff for a children's facility.

The bright colors across the walls and floors jarred her a bit after the nothing of so long, but was a welcome change. She tried not to glare at the little sick kids running about as she wheeled slowly along corridors, not quite able to walk on these stick thin legs.

Reports of a child John Doe had been filed, but no one really looked at those that hadn't lost their kid, so no one who would recognize Jason ever saw his report. She would be here a while. At least until she recovered enough to be considered okay for discharge. Then she would be put into the system as an orphan. She had no intention of staying long enough to see that through.

Jason and her had taken to the streets before and would thrive out there more than in any foster home they could find her. For now, she would settle back and allow the recovery process to take control. 

…

Or so she thought. She'd only been awake for a little over a month, but she guessed the file must've been put through when she first came in to try and find his guardian. Someone, somewhere, recognized Jason Todd. 

Whoever they were sold the information to Talia Al Ghul.

The woman came in the middle of the night and stole Marinette away. With this weak body and useless voice box, struggling didn't even seem like an option.

Where would it get her, anyways? Dropped off a rooftop and possibly stuck in a grave again? Talia could kill her again and she wouldn't stand a chance in defending herself. Marinette was not willing to take that chance, so she stayed complacent in her kidnapping.

Talia asked many questions of her, curious as to the state of her new play thing. She had to have known that Jason was supposed to be dead. Marinette didn't bother with paying the questions any attention. It's not like she could respond and she felt hesitant to reveal the inability. She worried over what Talia would do upon finding out the extent of the damage. Would keeping Jason be worth it to her?

Either way, she sensed the ever festing frustration in the older woman with every passing inquiry left unanswered. The look in her eyes spoke of a willingness to torture the information out of her.

Good luck with that. 

At the same time, what could Marinette possibly lose at this point. She already died once and had no home to return to. The once ever present tug in her mind was long gone and hadn't returned with her resurrection. She already lost Jason and her old life. If she actually died again by Talia's hand, would it kill her as well by this point? The body was as good as hers what with the lost connection. Either she could either actually die in it now or she was immortal. When it came to it, with no connection or way to truly live on or track down her past life, she had nothing left to fear.

Eventually she came to a decision. Looking up at the woman before her, she lifted a hand to point to the throat and quickly made a slashing motion across it, which Talia immediately nodded in understanding at. She left for a moment only to drop into the seat across the way again and drop a notebook and pen between them. Marinette picked it up and slowly wrote out a phrase.

'Vocal Chords destroyed.'

Talia only nodded and gestured to continue.

'Long coma, deteriorated muscles. Not much function.'

"And coming back from the dead? How'd that happen?" 

Marinette only shrugged. She truly didn't have an answer. Luckily that seemed sufficient an answer.

"Your brain is fully functional though. I can see how closely you're watching me. Waiting and observing. Not nearly as reckless as your past actions made you out to be. Perhaps dying has that affect though."

Marinette only watched silently as Talia mulled the thought over.

"And the damage otherwise?"

'Mostly healed over. Weakened though.'

The following conversation continued much the same. Talia asked questions and either answered them herself or waited for a short response in return. It didn't take long to get the full extent of the situation hashed out. Talia seemed to regard her with an excited gleam now and reassured her that that could all be fixed. Not to worry, the process only hurt a little. In the end, 'Jason' would feel all better.

Marinette wasn't sure exactly how to respond to this news. Yes, the promise of healing faster and possibly regaining her voice was a tempting offer, but in the end, she knew the woman wanted something from her. The price of health would be steep, of that she seemed sure. Again, she couldn't help but wonder what her alternatives were. This would happen whether or not she consented. Might as well make it feel like she had some control over the situation, if only for the comfort it lent her. She gave a jerky nod and watched the woman's smile grow.

Letting this head loll to the side, Marinette blanked out on everything else, falling into a restless sleep for the duration of their journey to wherever they were going.

…

Over the next few weeks, she woke up in random locations, being carted off into a hotel and up towards their rooms. She was never allowed to leave the room or do much more than eat and drink and use the restroom. It was similar to how she imagined prisoners lived, only in nicer conditions. Talia, while adjusted to live in any conditions, preferred to live luxuriously after all. And it wouldn't do to have a random, half dead kid following her around, raising questions all the time. Marinette couldn't truly blame her for that. She remained hidden.

…

At the end of their travels, she followed Talia out of the final hotel room and out into a cab. The cab dropped them off at a seemingly random location only for the two to walk out into the dessert. She wouldn't be surprised if that cab was only a front for the league. They walked for well over an hour, Marinette lucky to have healed enough to walk so long, even though it started to wear her down after the first thirty minutes, only determination to not be left behind moving her forward.

Talia must've stolen her without informing anyone else of her intentions. Otherwise, she's sure they would've taken a more direct and less discreet route. As it was, they reached a cave entrance and made their way down and down until eventually they begin to veer down different paths, Talia disabling traps as they went.

Eventually they reached an opening into a glowing green room, the glow emitting from a massive pool in the center. Something about the place set her on edge. The glow reminding her of Plagg's toxic green eyes and letting off what had to be a magical aura. Talia smiled down at her in a reassuring manner, putting a hand to the small of this body, nudging her forward.

Calculating the risk, it seemed her best bet to go along with the woman's plan. Talia would want her alive, so surely this wouldn't kill her. Plus, Talia seemed sincere in her promise of healing this body up and Marinette might as well be a walking lie detector at this point. The woman meant her every word. Taking a deep breath, she only hoped this magic would accept her as well as the miraculouses had.

Hovering a foot over the pool, she hesitated only a moment before remembering Kagami's advice from all those years ago. Hesitation had never helped her before and had no place here. Blinking, she nodded and let herself drop down into the pit.

[psychovigilantewrites]

Chapter 11 - Fireworks/Gunpowder

Pairing: Jason Todd/ Reader

Genre:Smut

Wordcount: 10,348

A/N: Hey guys! GOD I've been looking forward to write this chapter ever since I first published this fic a year ago, and I took my time with it, and tried to perfect it as best as I could according to my current capabilities. I hope you guys like it! Please leave your thoughts! I’d love to hear what you guys think of it!

TW: sexual content, mental breakdowns

Masterlist

“I’m sorry I’m late,” you breathed out before Jason could even open his mouth, “I would say that school held me back, but actually I lost track of time.”

You wanted to minimize your lying to him, since you had to hide a huge part of yourself from him already.

“That’s alright, sweetheart,” he grinned at you.

You sat down opposite him at the cafe. The table Jason had chosen was one in the back, away from the large glass walls up front with the view of the street.

Jason was wearing a tight black t-shirt that day and a black leather jacket over it. The leather immediately made you think of Red Hood, but you tried to shove that thought away. It was rude to think of another man while you were with someone you were casually dating, after all.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” he asked, gesturing to the counter.

“That’s alright, I’ll go get something myself,” you made to get up.

“Now what kind of gentleman would I be if I let you order your own drink?” he stopped you, flashing you a lopsided smile, “Tell me what you usually get, I’ll go and order it for you. Please?”

He looked at you with his pleading blue eyes, which made you give in almost instantly.

“Alright,” you conceded, “I’ll just have a black coffee, then. Thank you.”

“One black coffee comin’ right up,” he winked, heading to the counter.

You watched him as he walked over, noticing the subtle glances some women from the other tables were giving him. He stood out mainly because of his build, but you thought that his face was your favourite part of him.

You didn’t mean to be shallow, of course. He was kind, funny, and charming as well. And as you just found out, a gentleman.

He came back with your coffee, and you thanked him again.

“Firstly, Jason,” you began, “I’m sorry for replying you so late. Two days late, to be exact.”

“No, that’s alright,” he shrugged it off, “I’m sure you had a good reason.”

“I was going through some… stuff,” you cringed at your own excuse.

“Stuff?” he smirked.

“And things,” you added, “Personal things. Family things. You get me?”

“Sure,” he acknowledged, “Like I said, I’m sure you had your reasons. But, if you want to talk about it, you know I wouldn’t mind lending you an ear.”

“I feel like I’ve been dumping too much on you,” you shook your head, “Like that time at the park too, god. It was so embarrassing.”

“One, that was over a month ago,” he reminded you, “And two, it wasn’t. Don’t be afraid to express yourself with me.”

He looked at you with an intensity you couldn’t tear your eyes away from.

“All of yourself,” he added, “I won’t judge.”

You were taken aback at his sudden seriousness. But when he reached his hand out to gently rest on yours, for some reason, you expected his hands to feel like the smooth cold leather of the gloves Red Hood wore.

You willed your thoughts to stay on the man in front of you.

“Thank you,” you said, “But this time it’s not something I should be discussing with anyone. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he answered, “It’s up to you if you want to tell me or not. All I’m saying is that if you need to talk to anyone, I’m here.”

You smiled at him in thanks.

“ Also,” he added, “You were doing some MMA?”

He lifted your hand closer to inspected your bruised knuckles.

“No,” you gave a shaky laugh, “Since I was going through some things, I needed to find an outlet. So I went berserk on a punching bag.”

It was the closest and most honest thing you could say to him.

“I see,” he chuckled and gave you a knowing look, something you thought was odd. You hadn’t missed the way he was smirking the whole time you were there.

“I’m sorry,” you hesitated, “But am I missing something here?”

“What?” he frowned.

“I feel like you know something I don’t,” you tried to explain, “Like there’s an inside joke I’m not getting.”

“Why would you think that?” he leaned forward and smiled suspiciously.

“See, you’re doing it again!” you laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, princess,” he grinned, “This is how I always look.”

“Huh,” you narrowed your eyes playfully at him.

“Did I mention how beautiful you look today?” he complimented.

“Way to change the subject,” you chuckled, “But thank you. I put in effort whenever I know I’m seeing you.”

You blushed the minute you realised what you just said.

“Uh- I meant-” you tried to backtrack.

“Too late to go back on your words now, sweetheart,” he chortled, “That’s okay, I kind of make an effort when I know I’ll be seeing you as well.”

“Oh, really?” you doubted. You thought he just naturally looked good all the time, which includes the first day you bumped into him in the library.

The library.

Jerome Miller.

Blood. Adrenaline rush. Excitement. Guilt.

You pushed it all away for now and tune back into your conversation.

“Oh, you have no idea,” his eyes suddenly darkened, his smile gone.

But within an instant, he gave you his smug grin again.

He loved to tease you.

“You know,” you started, “You never told me your last name. Is there something you’re hiding from me?”

“No, you just never asked,” he replied, “It’s Haywood.”

“Jason Haywood,” you tried, “Has a ring to it, don’t you think?”

“I never cared much for it,” he shrugged, “My first name is extremely common. My last? Nothing special. Nothing like Wayne.”

“Please, it’s all just legal anyway,” you waved your hand, “Not like I’m a Wayne by blood.”

“Still, Bruce Wayne is your father,” he pointed out.

“Don’t say that too loud,” you shushed him, “I’m not at the point where people would recognize me in the streets, but one Google search and I’d have people taking pictures of the both of us and sell it to the tabloid papers.”

“Ah, yes, I can see the headlines already,” he joked, “Billionaire Bruce Wayne’s daughter seen with a nobody. You wouldn’t believe number five!”

“A newspaper headline isn’t clickbait, Jason,” you giggled. You were impressed. Only a few months ago, he didn’t know what Instagram was.

“I’m real proud of you, you know,” he suddenly told you, making another 180 turn in subject. He looked at you with a curious glint in his eye.

“For what?” you asked, sipping on your coffee.

“For being you,” he gave you a cryptic answer.

You raised an eyebrow in question.

“You don’t try to hide yourself from me,” he elaborated, “You cry in front of me, laugh in front of me, joke with me, and you let your inhibitions go when you’re with me.”

Your eyes widen at the last one, knowing what he was implying.

“ As a Wayne,” he continued, “I’m sure you need to lie and smile to keep up appearances. But you’re yourself with me. Thank you.”

You blushed as your heart melted at his words. This was one of the reasons you liked him. He was a smooth talker, charming you with random bursts of surprisingly well thought insight.

“I don’t know what to say,” you tucked your hair behind your ear nervously.

“How about ‘Jason, I think you’re a sexy beast, and I’d totally tap that ass’,” he jestered.

“You see, I know you’re just joking, but I wouldn’t be if I were to say that to you,” you replied smugly.

Jason paused, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Someone learned how to flirt,” he smirked.

“I learned from the best,” you breathed.

You saw the way his eyes darted from yours, to your lips, and then back to your eyes again.

“My brother, actually,” you broke the moment on purpose.

He chuckled at your transition.

The hours went by as you talked and flirted with him, all the while still noticing how he was smirking the whole way, as if he knew something about you that you didn’t.

*** God, you turned Jason on so much.

It was obvious you were still messed up and shocked over your own actions, but when Jason saw your bruised knuckles, he almost popped a hard on right then and there in the crowded cafe.

He wanted so much to witness you beating the shit out of Jerome Miller. He could only imagine how your face and hands must have been covered in blood.

Jason never had a blood kink before this, but somehow the thought was so erotic to him, he would be lying if he didn’t go back and jerk off to that fantasy right after the visit to the hospital.

The only downside to all of this was that he was growing increasingly excited, which meant he was increasingly impatient. He found it extremely frustrating to have to keep lying to you. He just wanted you to figure everything out already so he could finally be direct.

So he could finally take you like he knew you wanted him to.

But since he was the king of the underground now, he had to focus on his work, and he was doing a fan-fucking-tastic job at it. He could guarantee with absolute confidence that Gotham’s underground had never been as organized before.

He wasn’t only controlling crime through fear, but he was providing small jobs to those who would have otherwise got involved with real bad shit that would hurt innocents.

Jason was Gotham’s fucking savior.

And he wore that red bat on his chest with pride.

Jason didn’t need you to be his Queen, but he wanted to.

Not because he craved you- but because it would be the last blow to Batman’s legacy.

At least, that’s what he was trying to convince himself.

*** The glaring red ink on your paper reminded you of the blood that you tried so hard to wash off.

You stared hard at the large, capital B written on your history test. It wasn’t your only B. You got a B minus for math, a B plus for biology and physics, and an A minus for chemistry, amongst other subjects.

You maintained a neutral face. You couldn’t let anyone around you read you.

“I guess I don’t need to ask what you got, huh Wayne?” Michelle Myers rolled her green eyes at you from her desk, flipping her auburn hair to the side.

“You’d be surprised, Michelle,” you smiled at her sweetly. You knew she always viewed you as competition when it came to academics, sports, and even social media follower count. You didn’t get why. You always thought she was prettier, more feminine than you. “I’m only human, you know.”

“So what you got?” Robert Laheigh cut in.

“A big fat B,” you sighed.

“Woah, a B? You?” Robert gasped dramatically.

“Way to rub it in, Rob,” you chuckled, “I guess I got distracted by some stuff.”

“Oh yes, it must be so hard to be you, daughter of the richest guy in Gotham,” Michelle snickered.

You looked at Michelle with a cold smile, and thought about wiping that smug look off her face by smashing her head onto the wooden desk.

“Hey, don’t be like that,” said the blond jock, “I’m sure whatever she’s going through is legit. You don’t know her life. And she did just get kidnapped.”

“Of course, Rob, how rude of me,” Michelle sneered at him, “I forgot how much you like to suck up to her.”

Rob was Michelle’s ex-boyfriend. He dumped her because he apparently started having feelings for another girl in class. Who the mysterious girl was, you didn’t know. But shortly after that, Michelle started to become more and more hostile towards you.

“It’s fine, Rob,” you assured him, “She’s right. I’ve really got no excuses.”

Besides the fact that you’ve been reliving the night you beat someone half to death for the past two weeks, slowly getting numb to the memory.

Besides the fact that Bruce had been acting suspiciously nice to you despite suspending your patrols for the next month until you got yourself together.

Besides the fact that Jason had been kind to you, beaming almost proudly ever since you saw each other at that cafe two weeks ago, but all you could think about when he happened to brush himself against you was how you craved Red Hood’s touch instead.

But Michelle was right, you neglected your studies and didn’t have any excuses.

Rob pursed his lips and walked over to your table, leaning down to you.

“Hang in there, okay?” he frowned in concern, “If you need to talk, about anything, I’m here for you.”

You flashed him a charming smile, “Of course, Rob. I appreciate it. Thank you.”

You saw his cheeks get red, and he straightened up, clearing his throat.

Right.

Now you know why Michelle Myers hated you so much.

***

Your gaze was unfocused, just looking outside the window of the car.

Michelle never got to you like that before. You usually ignored it and brushed her off. But suddenly you got so annoyed by her fucking face that you really wanted to mess it up.

“What’s wrong, my dear?” Alfred glanced at you from the rearview mirror of the sleek BMW, breaking your thoughts.

“Nothing, Alfred,” you smiled at him, “I got my papers back. I didn't do very well.”

“To maintain a balance is a difficult feat,” he said, “Your older brothers went through the same thing. Though, a teacher once complained that Master Todd’s grades were too perfect.”

You didn’t miss his subtle sad tone when he mentioned Todd. Oddly, it didn’t sound as sad as he usually did when he spoke of your predecessor.

But it didn’t change the fact that you really didn’t want to talk about Todd and how perfect his grades were.

You were silent the whole ride back.

“Master Bruce wishes to speak to you in the Cave,” Alfred informed you when you got out of the car. “I suggest you prepare yourself for his news.”

“What do you mean?” you frowned in question.

“It’s best if he explains,” Alfred gave you a tired smile. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night.

You shrugged and went inside, dumping your bag of books onto the sofa of the living room as you made your way to the grandfather’s clock to descend below. You were nervous. Maybe Bruce has decided to lift your suspension, or maybe Bruce has decided that he was better off without you as Robin.

Whatever it was, your heart beat in rhythm to your quick steps down the stairs.

You approached Bruce from behind, he was seated at his regular spot in front of the massive computer screens. This time though, instead of displaying an array of his cases, old articles,or his own notes, it was just blank.

You gulped. He was really going to ask you to quit wasn’t he?

“Hey, Bruce,” you let out a shaky breath, “Alfred said you wanted to talk?”

“Yes,” he nodded, his face more solemn than you’ve ever seen before, “Sit.”

Oh no, you thought, one word replies and commands.

You pulled up a wheeled chair and sat obediently in front of him.

“Firstly,” he began, “I’m sorry. For keeping you in the dark this whole time. I needed to process the information, and make sure. And it was… difficult for me to come to terms with the truth. I’ve only just told Alfred last night.”

“What are you talking about?” you questioned slowly, your previous worries disappearing.

“What do you know about multiverses and alternate realities?” Bruce asked you.

“Uhm, what?” you were taken aback by his seemingly random question, “Are you serious?”

Bruce simply looked at you.

“Uhm,” you tried, “I know just enough from sc-fi movies and comic books?”

“Well, it’s more science than fiction,” Bruce stated.

“Okay,” you nodded slowly, still not understanding his point, “And?”

“Certain events caused by certain… individuals,” he struggled with his words, “May cause certain effects onto our world and reality. In this case, bringing back the dead.”

“What, our next mission involves zombies or something?” you smirked.

“I’m being serious,” he deadpanned.

“Right. Sorry,” you quickly added.

“Do you know what the Lazarus Pit is?” he asked another odd question.

“Sure,” you nodded at the familiar name, “That’s how Ra’s Al Ghul is immortal. It makes you not age.”

“It also heals unhealable injuries,” Batman added.

You frowned again. “Where are you going with this, Bruce?”

“Red Hood is Jason Todd,” he blinked.

You blinked back.

“Excuse me, what?” you exclaimed. “Bruce, how did you jump from alternate realities and the lazarus pit to- oh my god.”

Finally, your mind clicked.

“That’s- no,” you shook your head, “That’s not possible. You’re fucking with me, aren’t you? This is some sort of weird test.”

He pursed his lips, and then turned to the computer. He pulled up some sort of biochemistry result on screen. One side was Red Hood’s blurred CCTV photo, and the other, a young dark haired boy smiling brightly at the camera. You recognized him from the one or two pictures on display in the Manor.

“I ran a DNA test from a blood sample I acquired from Red Hood one of the days where I confronted him,” Bruce explained, “I had my suspicions based on the things he had said, and the knowledge he had of us, but I couldn’t confirm it until I ran the test. Even after that, I had to make sure.”

“And?” you demanded.

“And that’s it,” he finished, “Red Hood is Jason Todd.”

Your mind was racing.

“I understand if you have trouble comprehending it,” Bruce offered.

“No, shit,” you scoffed. You were at disbelief. It made zero sense, yet all the sense in the world.

“But, if it’s Jason Todd,” you looked at him, “Then why is he bad?”

“He’s angry with me,” Bruce explained. He had pain in his eyes. “He’s angry with me for not killing Joker, and for… you.”

“Replacement,” it dawned onto you, “Child soldiers being thrown away and replaced by new ones. That’s what he meant.”

“Exactly,” Bruce nodded, “But I think the Pit had something to do with fueling his anger as well. It’s naive to think that the dead can be brought back without… alterations.”

“It makes so much sense now. Why he’s been targeting me. He hates me for replacing him, he-” you looked at Jason Todd’s picture.

Oh.

Oh. You really were stupid. You were a complete idiot.

You didn’t make the connection before, because it didn’t make sense to you. Jason Todd was dead, so your brain did not see any sort of similarities between him and your Jason.

But now that you were staring at the picture of the smiling boy, you could see it. They looked different, very different, but no one could mistake the two if they stared long enough.

Todd was very young in the picture, but even at that age you could see the developing deep set eyes and heavy brows. Their noses were the same, except your Jason’s nose had probably been broken more than a few times. Todd’s skin was clear of scars, and had a more radiant complexion as compared to your Jason’s. Jason’s jaw was more squarish and developed, but their smiles were still the same side smirk.

You thought that Jason had smelled of fireworks. But really, it was-

“Gunpowder,” you whispered out loud to yourself.

“What?” Bruce asked.

“Nothing, I just- it’s a lot to process,” you told him.

Why weren’t you telling him anything?

“I understand,” he acknowledged, “If you have any questions, I promise I will answer them all truthfully. No more secrets.”

You looked at the man who adopted you only three months after his son’s death, and saw how he was trying to make things up to you, his concern about you.

“What was he like?” you asked, “I know I’ve asked you this before. I’ve asked Dick, too. And Alfred. But I felt like everyone was just too sad about it to tell me much. So I’m going to ask you again now that he’s back.”

“He was efficient, and he learned very quickly-”

“Not as Robin, Bruce,” you interjected, “How was he like at home when he had nothing to do? Did he go out with friends? What was his favorite flavor? That kind of stuff.”

Bruce fell silent for a moment, the crease between his brows deepening.

“He liked to read,” Bruce said, “I don’t know if you’ve been into his room, but we kept it exactly how it was all those years ago. All those books on his shelf- he read them all. Some more than once. He was very organized and tidy. Cleaned his room so that Alfred didn’t have to.”

You noticed him smile ever so slightly as he recalled the memory.

“He had some friends, but I’m not sure about a girlfriend,” he continued, “He was secretive. He was more quiet than Dick, but happy all the same. Until he got a bit confident, then he became reckless.”

“He angered easily,” Bruce sighed, “He was rash. He acted first without thinking of the consequences later. I remember having lots of arguments with him. There were many weeks where he wouldn’t speak to me unless it was a serious question regarding patrol. But he was good. He’s always been good.”

“I’m sure he still is, Bruce,” you sympathized with him. The Jason you knew was kind to you, but Red Hood- he was a different story.

Was it all a lie? Was the Jason you knew just a persona to use and manipulate you?

Just tell him, your inner thoughts screamed at you.

“So what now?” you asked.

“He’s been very careful with his operation,” Bruce explained, “I need to confront him. I need to talk to him.”

Fucking tell him, your conscience insisted.

Tell him what? That you were dumb enough to not be suspicious of a mysterious man who charmed his way into your life at the same time a new villain came to town?

You were so fucking naive.

“We need to do some interrogating. Maybe he has a base for operations-”

At the same time Bruce started explaining the plan to you, your phone dinged, causing you to jump slightly.

You ignored it, and looked apologetically at him.

“Once we find out, we try to corner him to talk. I might need to get Dick-”

Your phone dinged again.

“- to help. I haven’t told him yet-”

And for one last time, your phone dinged.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at you.

“I’m sorry,” you said sheepishly, “Let me silent it. Hold on.”

You unlocked your phone to see three consecutive messages from Sexy Hunk From Library.

Your heart sank to your stomach.

You put your phone on silent and put it away.

“Who is it?” Bruce asked, “If it’s urgent, we can continue this later.”

“No!” you accidentally raised your voice, “Ahem, I mean, no. It’s just a boy.”

“A boy?” he repeated, “You’ve been talking to a boy?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, extremely careful with your body language and choice of words, “Just a boy I met at the library. Sorry- he’s not important.”

Bruce looked at you for a moment, and then- “I’m still not relieving you of your suspension. I will have Dick with me for now while I investigate. You have two weeks left until I allow you to be back in uniform. As of now, training.”

“Yeah,” you sighed and close your eyes, squeezing the bridge of your nose, “It might do me some good. My grades are horrible. I have to catch up.”

“Good,” he nodded curtly, “Use your time wisely. And do not confront Red Hood alone.”

“Why would I do that, Bruce?” you asked exasperatedly, “Now I know who he really is, it’d be stupid of me to do so. This shit he has against us is fucking personal.”

“As long as you realise that, then fine,” he answered.

You nodded before adding, “Are you going to tell Dick over the phone?”

“No, I’ll have him come here,” he replied, “It’s the proper way. Dick will- he won’t take it as well as you did.”

“Well, I never knew the guy, so,” you shrugged, the thought of the Jason you did know, acted like an anchor on your heart. “I’m going to take a nice long bath. It’s been an intense day.”

“Take as long as you need,” he nodded, turning away to reach for his phone to dial Dick, “I think we’ll investigate Otisburg first. His previous base of operations was there, perhaps we could find some of his men.”

“Let me know how Dick takes it,” you waved, walking back.

*** You climbed into the steaming water, scented with vanilla and sighed deeply.

You stared at your phone which you put on the drying mat on the floor next to the tub, your notifications still on the screen. You gulped, and reached for it, careful not to drop in the water and read what Jason had sent you.

Sexy Hunk From Library: Hey Sexy Hunk From Library: What’re you up to? Sexy Hunk From Library: I’m so bored

You couldn’t help how the corners of your lips twitched upwards, and then you frowned again, thinking of how to deal with your dilemma.

Why couldn’t you just tell Bruce like what was expected of you? Was there a part of you that didn’t want Red Hood caught, or was it because you had fallen for Jason?

Or was it because you liked that your Jason was Red Hood?

You let out a loud groan of frustration.

Of course you didn’t like that the two were the same people. Because Jason had manipulated you, lied to you, and probably would have sabotaged you.

Yet, you didn’t feel angry. You just felt immensely sad for yourself, but most of all for him.

He had hid his true self from you so well, but now that you know who he was, and what he was going through, you just wanted to help. He was a Robin after all, and even if you hadn’t met him prior to this, you felt obligated to connect with him.

You decided to reply.

You: Hey. I just got back from school. I’m just soaking in the tub now.

You blinked in surprise when you received a video call from him instead. You made sure that your chest was submerged in water and hesitantly picked up.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist when I heard that you were naked,” you saw him grin cheekily on the screen. He was in bed, judging from the blue pillows he had propped up behind him.

“I bet that’s what you say to all the girls,” you tried hard to smile and seem normal.

But he had caught on and frowned. “What’s wrong? I’m sorry, I can hang up if you want your privacy.”

“No, it’s not you,” you lied, “I just got my exam results back. They weren’t as good as usual. Fucking Michelle Myers looked so smug about it.”

“Is she like the popular mean girl who’s secretly jealous of you?” he guessed.

“I guess she is,” you chuckled, but your smile faltered again soon after.

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” he offered.

You pursed your lips in hesitation, thinking carefully about your next words and actions.

“Actually,” you said, “Could I meet you tonight? I’m- I’m not alright. I just need to talk to someone.”

“Tonight?” he frowned, pausing for a moment.

Of course. Night time was Red Hood time. He was probably busy when he didn’t have to seduce and manipulate you.

“Sure,” he finally agreed, “Where?”

“Really?” you were taken aback. Why would he neglect his own responsibilities to see you?

“Of course,” he insisted, “I told you that I’d be here for you whenever you need. I mean it.”

Now you were confused. Why was he so committed to gaining your trust?

“O-okay,” you smiled, this time for real. “Do you think we can meet at Robinson Park? Around nine thirty?”

Bruce would usually leave for patrol at 9.

“I’ll see you there,” he responded.

***

You looked at yourself in the mirror. You had specifically chosen to wear a baby pink sweater over a white collared shirt, buttoned all the way up with a grey plaid skirt that fell to your knees. You needed to look innocent and non-threatening. You kept your makeup light and your hair simple.

You took one of the less conspicuous of Bruce’s cars which happened to be one of the newer Mini Cooper models. It was the least sporty, least big, least out of place. You could blend in well with everyone else when driving that car.

You told Alfred you were going out to meet a friend, in which he responded with an almost offensive shocked expression, and then proceeded to endlessly tell you to have fun, and to not worry about coming back too early.

The traffic was lighter than usual, and the sky clear- the full moon shining high. You parked at Robinson Park’s open parking space and took a deep breath before grabbing your small purse and getting out of the car.

You checked your phone.

Jason was already there because he had sent you a text message saying which bench he was sitting at. Recognizing his description, you started walking towards him, your heart thumping louder and louder with every step.

“Hey,” you called out when you saw him from behind, sitting on the bench. He was wearing his red hoodie and jeans.

You recognized that hoodie all too well now.

He turned around and smiled widely at you, expecting you to sit next to him.

“Uhm,” you nervously said, “Do you think we could go somewhere more private?”

“Somewhere more private, huh?” he winked, making you giggle. You calmed your nerves down a bit, but still remained careful and vigilant.

“Not like that!” you laughed, “It’s just- going out with a guy at night, if anyone were to recognize me, I’d be in trouble.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” he stood up. Suddenly his height and broad shoulders, the only thing you could see under the loose clothes, started an alarm in your head, reminding you of how easily he could overpower you. “Do you have any place in mind?”

“I was thinking,” you hesitated, “That building right there? It’s just a small office building. We could take the fire escape staircase up to the roof?”

You pointed towards the building across the street. It was only around five or six stories high.

“Isn’t that, trespassing or something?” he smirked.

“It’s not like we’re doing anything bad,” you rolled your eyes, “I just wanted to talk to you without being seen, that’s all.”

The truth was that you knew GCPD had cruiser cars patrolling outside of the park since they found the three bodies Red Hood hanged, as well as a couple of officers patrolling inside the park every few hours. You didn’t want to risk spooking Jason, especially since you were going to properly talk to him.

“Okay, lead the way,” he gestured.

You tried to be mindful of your body language. Hoping to not seem stiff or nervous, you walked next to him closely, your arm brushing his occasionally as you walked across the street.

Once you reached the fire escape staircase, the both of you climbed up smoothly.

The roof was clean, at least. No sign of pigeon droppings, no litter or cigarette butts, and no random puddles of water from the rain.

Jason walked to the edge, put his hand on the ledge, and peered over.

“Now, that’s high! I don’t know about you, but heights make me slightly nervous,” he chuckled to himself before turning to you and giving you a big boyish grin. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

The way he looked, both his hands behind his head in a casual, relaxed pose- you really didn’t want to believe it.

“I’m kinda nervous to tell you,” you admitted.

He walked towards you and gave you a warm smile, “It’s okay. Take it slow. I’ve got all night.”

You took a deep breath, and began.

“I’m confused. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing instead of the right thing, but for some reason, the wrong thing feels more right than the right thing. You get me?” you finished your ramblings with a question.

The sound of sirens coming from the streets below were an accurate representation of what was going on in your head.

“I’m sorry,” he said in confusion, “I’m not sure I do, princess.”

You took a deep breath, ignoring your thumping heart and your inner voices screaming at you in protest.

“I know, Jason,” you stated, “I know who you are.”

Jason looked even more confused. So confused, that you doubted yourself for just one small moment. But then, against all your hope and wishes you had since you figured it out, his face twisted into a sinister smirk, his eyes no longer the bright and warm and friendly blue, but cold, harsh, and unforgiving.

When you thought of your Jason being Red Hood, it was hard to imagine someone like him as a cold blooded killer, but after seeing his face in a new light, you asked yourself why you didn’t figure it out sooner.

“Finally,” he rolled his eyes, “Did he tell you?”

You nodded, not wanting your voice to betray you and the tears that had started pooling your eyes. You had wished so hard that you were wrong, that Bruce was wrong.

“You look disappointed,” he scoffed.

“Of course I am,” you sighed, looking away, “I thought you were… nice.”

“It’s called acting, sweetheart,” he sassed.

“Well, I’ll be sure to nominate you for an Oscar, then,” you snapped.

The fucker actually chuckled at that, earning a glare from you.

“Anyway,” he started, “Let’s cut to the chase. Where is he?”

You frowned at that. “In Otisburg with Dick, investigating you. I told you, Batman wouldn’t bother us here tonight.”

“You’re telling me,” he responded, “That you came here unarmed, and without backup?”

He looked at you incredulously before barking out a humourless laugh. “You’re either brave or stupid.”

“If you wanted to hurt me, you would have done so long ago,” you pointed out.

“Thanks for you trust in me,” he said sarcastically.

“Jason,” you pursed your lip.

“What?” he snarled, “What was the point in this?”

“To-” you stopped midway, taking a deep breath of preparation, “To try to convince you-”

“To come back?” he interjected, “To come home? Kiss and hug with Bruce and it’ll all be okay?”

“He misses you, Jason,” you spoke softly, “We can help you fix this. Whatever this is.”

“Fix this?” he growled, walking closer to you as a burst of sudden anger appeared in his eyes, “The only way to fix this is to turn back time. To kill Joker. To unadopt you.”

You felt a sharp stab in your chest. Jason, upon seeing the hurt flash across your face, started to mock you.

“Aww, did I hurt your feelings?” he came even closer, “Insecure little Robin, thinks she’s so good, always doing the right thing.”

He reached out and tilted your chin upwards towards him, and leaned in close. You willed yourself to not flinch at his touch.

“I fucking hated you,” he whispered, hot breath fanning your face, “I wanted to bash your head in against the wall. I wanted to see you suffer and make you cry. Hell, I still do sometimes. But then I realise…”

His lips grazed your ear.

“That you’re. Just. Like. Me.”

You slapped his hand away and stepped back.

“I’m nothing like you,” you countered.

“No?” he raised an eyebrow condescendingly, “So you did not beat Jerome Miller’s ass straight into a coma?”

Your eyes widen, your throat tightened. “Wh- How- how did you-”

“Oh, sweetheart, who did you think hired those buffoons in the first place?” he sneered.

“No,” you squeaked, your thoughts all rushing back to you, “I- I told you… It was my favorite place in the world…”

“And I loved every fucking second of taking it away from you,” he elaborated, “And when you called me, crying- to say it felt good would be an understatement.”

Stupid. You were stupid, and that’s all you were. Stupid and naive.

You couldn’t stop the tears from escaping your eyes.

“Oh no, baby girl, don’t cry,” he rushed to wipe away your tears. You almost mistook him for being genuine, until he added, “You’re gonna make me hard.”

You looked away, remaining silent, disappointed at yourself for showing your weakness.

“Batman may have taken the fall for what you did to Miller, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew you had a personal grudge that you acted on. Just like me.”

“I didn’t mean to,” you still tried to argue, “It just happened.”

“And I just happened to come back from the dead, right?” he snapped, “And I just happened to take over the criminal underground?”

“What I did was an accident,” you protested.

“Yet Jerome Miller is still a vegetable,” he pointed out, “You don’t know much about him, do you? You didn’t do your research. You wouldn’t make excuses for yourself if you had.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” you demanded.

“His family? Ring any bells?” he said, and then his eyebrows shot up when he realised you were clueless, “Holy fucking shit! Don’t- don’t tell me. You never even stopped to think of his family?”

You swallowed the bitter taste in your mouth as your heart sank at that realisation.

“You’re more heartless than I thought, baby girl,” he chuckled, “Anna Miller- his wife- was diagnosed with stage four cancer about three years ago. She’s been in and out of chemo ever since. He needed to find a way to pay the bills. Now, he was already a talented and experienced man- but because Gotham is a shit hole, he, like everyone else, couldn’t find an honest job. So he had to resort to illegal means to pay for his wife.”

“He was a chatty guy, Jerome,” he continued, “Basically told me his life story. Thanked me again and again for the generous pay. He was going to take his 6 year old daughter to see Elsa at Disneyland this summer. Being the saint that I am, I even put in a couple grand extra. But now, I may have paid him a lot, but his wife will still continue to accumulate her medical bills. Who’s gonna pay for them? And poor sweet Andrea would be stuck without a father and a mother who’s too sick to take care of her. Thanks to you, of course.”

It became clearer to you now- the effects of your assault. You took away a breadwinner from his struggling family- and it shook you. The fact that the Red Hood was the one who pointed this all out to you to make you realise what you did, it was humorlessly ironic.

“You’re lying,” you shook your head. Denial was the only thing keeping you from breaking down. “Why should I believe a single thing you say when you’ve been lying to me for months?”

“Believe me or not, it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged nonchalantly, “I just wanted you to open your eyes and see who you really are. Impulsive, explosive, and insecure. And you know what? I can work with that. You’re perfect for my line of work.”

“Your line of work?” you frowned.

“I’m not all bad, you know,” he smirked, “I do this- I do what Batman hasn’t been able to. I’ve controlled crime. I know you’ve questioned his methods. I did. And even if you haven’t, you will eventually.”

“No,” you insisted, not allowing your doubts to resurface again, “What you’re doing, it’s- it’s wrong.”

“Wrong?” he scoffed, “If what I’m doing is wrong, then that would make me the bad guy, right?”

You eyed him suspiciously, unsure of where he was going with that point. The wind was blowing in his hair, messing it up and making him look more boyish. If you squinted hard enough, you thought you could see a glimpse of the younger Jason Todd- the one Bruce had pictures of.

“Then isn’t it wrong for Robin, the light to Batman’s darkness,” he exaggerated, before glaring straight into your eyes, “to want to fuck the bad guy?”

He finished with a smug grin.

“W-what?” you half sputtered, half screeched.

“Oh, please,” he rolled his eyes, “You might as well have spelt it out for me in bold when I kidnapped you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stood your ground.

Jason closed the distance, until both of your fronts were just an inch apart. Your stomach did a flip, your heart beating faster at the movement, almost jumping out of throat.

You gulped subconsciously.

“I’ve heard you moan,” he drawled, “I saw your pupils dilate, and the way you licked your lips when my crotch was right in front of you. You looked hungry.”

It was like you were frozen, yet heat started to pool at your centre as you remembered that the man in front of you was the famous cold-blooded criminal that you’ve been thinking about non-stop ever since your first encounter.

He gripped you by the hips and pulled you closer to grind his front against yours. You squeaked at the sudden movement, but gasped when you felt his cock half hard against you.

You were so close, you had to crane your neck up painfully to see him. He was so much taller than you, his head bowed down, your lips only inches from each other, panting hard before anything had even started.

His smell were clearer than ever, you knew that he smelled like leather because of his alter ego. You could also smell the lingering fabric softener that he must have used on his laundry, which gave you an almost comical picture of him in his Red Hood costume trying to figure out how the washing machine worked. And the gunpowder. You breathed him in, thinking the last one suited him the most, the combination of it and his musky cologne complimenting each other.

The pull you felt towards him- the lust, the want, the craving, hell the fucking sparks- you didn’t feel all of that when you kissed the first time, or the second.

You only felt it now, when you knew that he was Red Hood, that he was Jason Peter Todd- the Robin you never met.

The Robin who died.

The Robin who hated you.

He took his hand and cupped your cheek, surprisingly gentle with his touch. That is, until he closed the gap and kissed you hard, almost forceful with his nips and licks. It was hard for you to keep up with him because he kissed you like he was so deprived, like he needed to.

For some reason, you could really taste him now. He tasted like a mix of dark bitter chocolate and smoke and whiskey and coke.

You let out a soft involuntary moan when he pried his tongue into your mouth, and rubbed his hands up and down your waist, to your back, squeezing your ass and coming back to your hips. Without breaking the kiss, he started walking and guiding you towards the exit door to the stairwell, his grip on you preventing you from stumbling.

He pushed you against the wall bordering on violently, consequently knocking the breath out of you from shock more than anything, and took a step back.

He observed you, his hooded eyes raking your body. His lips were plump and glistening, his gaze piercingly intense.

You could only imagine what you looked like to him. Pupils blown, lips swollen, face flushed.

“Hmm,” he tilted his head as his stare wandered across your body, “Was this get up supposed to have changed my perspective of you? To see you as a sweet, innocent girl? You thought I wouldn’t hurt you if you looked like a good girl?”

You gulped, not knowing how to answer his accurate guess.

“Quite the opposite, princess,” he growled, “Your innocence was what attracted me in the first place. And now that I know what’s underneath all that fucking pink- that you beat a guy half to death. Well, that turns me on even more.”

He stalked towards you in a predatory way, making your breath hitch. He looked like he was going to devour you, and you would be lying if you said it didn’t scare you despite your panties getting moist.

“Plus,” he added, “I like corrupting good girls. Making them dirty. Not that you aren’t already.”

He reached around your head and grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling your head sideways so he could attack your neck. His other hand roamed your body, squeezing your breasts, eliciting another moan from you.

Then, you felt his hand snake up the side of your thigh, bunching up your skirt along the way, creeping further and further towards your center.

“Jason,” you gasped.

“I know you want this,” he whispered into the crook of your neck, not stopping his hand. “Don’t you?”

He pressed onto your covered clit gently, making you whine at the relief, your hands now flat against the wall behind you. He then pulled down your panties swiftly, goosebumps appearing wherever he touched. Even though you were still wearing your skirt, you still felt bare and exposed, partly due to the unfamiliar feeling of wind brushing up and caressing your naked pussy.

You moaned yet again when he sucked onto the skin of your neck. You knew he was going to leave bruises and marks, but you were too dizzy in heat and lust to care.

He slipped a finger in between your folds and started to lightly stroke up and down, always avoiding touching the spot you really wanted him to touch.

“Fuck,” he chuckled, “You’re dripping, and I haven’t even done anything yet.”

He straightened and looked at you in the eye. “I knew you weren’t the sweet girl you pretend to be,” he stated, and without warning, started to rub your clit at an intense pace.

“Jason,” you whimpered, your hands flying from the wall to grip his shirt tight, loving the foreign feeling of someone else touching you.

”You like that, baby girl?” he panted hot breaths on your skin.

“Please don’t stop,” you breathed, heat and electricity pulsating from your center to your toes.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbled, stopping his movements altogether.

You let out a disappointed groan.

But before you could say anything, you felt a finger prod at your opening. Slowly, he inserted his finger, drawing a long sigh from you.

“Mmm,” he purred, “So tight and warm.”

You felt that amazing full feeling you felt when he did the same all those weeks ago while you were tied to the chair. Except now, he wasn’t just teasing anymore.

He started to curl his fingers upwards, pressing the spot he did previously, when he fingered you for the first time, but only more intensely just like the way he rubbed your clit and the way he sucked on your skin. It was like he was trying to attack you with a barrage of sensations.

“Fuck!” you cried, throwing your arms shamelessly around his neck for support, “I-is- is that my-”

“You mean you’ve never touched yourself here before? Not even after I touched it for you?” you felt him smile against your neck, increasing the pace, making you moan wantonly. “This is your g-spot, sweetheart.”

Right, your g-spot. You've heard of this biological mystery before- the girls were talking about it in the locker room. And you got even more curious after that particular session with Red Hood. But even when you did start touching yourself regularly, the easiest way was to only stimulate your clitoris, and you felt that was enough for you.

Mainly because Mother would scream even louder if you attempted to insert a finger, pretending it was Red Hood’s.

You whimpered into his neck, one of your thighs hitching higher and higher all the way to hook around his waist and give him more access. Immediately, he grabbed your leg from behind your knee and supported you.

“We gotta get you a bit more ready for me, baby girl,” he announced before slowly inserting a second finger, earning a shiver from you.

With two fingers inside, you felt the wonderful stretch for the first time. You mewled at all the new and pleasurable heat you felt.

“Fuck, how bad have you wanted this, sweetheart?” he whispered into your ear, “Because your slick is dripping down my hand right now.”

You turned away and pursed your lips.

“Answer me,” he nipped your earlobe, “Or I’ll stop.”

“No,” you whined, not caring about shame or dignity or principles anymore, “Please.”

“Then answer me like a good girl, princess,” he breathed, “Be a good girl for me. How bad have you wanted this?”

“Bad,” you choked, “So bad, Jason.”

“With Jason, or Red Hood?” he asked, not stopping his deft fingers.

“B-both,” you stuttered.

“For how long?”

“Since the- the night of the bank robbery-” you struggled to form your sentence, “-when you- t-touched me.”

“So you wanted Red Hood first before Jason?” he pulled back, looking at you wide-eyed and surprised.

You bit your lip and nodded.

He smiled wide, and then chuckled, simultaneously withdrawing his fingers from you.

You pouted at the loss, to which he replied, “Don’t look at me like that, baby.”

He pulled you in for another breathtaking, dizzying kiss. You let your leg fall back down to stabilize yourself. He untucked your collared shirt and snaked both his hands underneath. You shuddered when you felt his heat on your skin as he bunched up your top and sweater, pushing up your bra to reveal your breasts.

He played and squeezed them, pinching a nipple here and there, causing you to take in sharp breaths. He wrapped his other arm around you and descended downwards to give attention to your ass at the same time.

“I can’t decide which I like more,” he grumbled.

Suddenly, he pushed you back against the wall even harder, and hooked the same leg around his waist sharply. You felt him fumble around with his zipper, your anticipation now killing you.

Finally, he looked at you straight in the eye, his eyebrows knitted together, his lips slightly apart.

“I don’t care about you, so I’m not going to go slow, you hear me?” he warned.

You gulped, and nodded.

“I’m just going to take what I want,” he continued, “You wanted to make me the bad guy so much, so here I am. I’m going to be the fucking villain.

Your eyes fluttered shut when you felt him rub his tip up and down your pussy lips. You were slightly disappointed that you couldn’t see what he looked like from that angle.

“And once I start, I’m not going to stop either,” he growled, “You’re going to deal with the pain, like you always do. Like he taught you to.”

“Please don’t talk about him right now,” you groaned, forcing yourself to push away the guilt. What would Bruce think of this?

“Fine,” he smirked, prodding the head of his cock at your entrance, “You ready, sweetheart?”

“Ye- AH!” you screamed loudly for the first time that night, because he immediately thrust himself into you, tearing through you, stretching you further than just two fucking fingers.

It was painful. Very painful. You could feel the sting. But then you felt his thumb rubbing your clit intensely, mixing the pain with pleasure, and fuck.

Fuck.

You liked the combination.

“Shit,” he rasped as he fucked into you wildly, “Shit, you feel so good, baby girl.”

“Jay,” you trembled, feeling the way his cock filled you up, feeling the way your pussy pulled it in, the way your walls clung onto his shaft with every violent drag.

“Hold onto me,” he commanded, and you automatically obeyed, your arms going around his neck. He hooked your other leg around his waist and gripped your hips, so that you were now off the ground and against the wall.

“Jay, Jay, Jay,” you chanted as your mind went fuzzy, your eyes watery from the fiery way he fucked you, hitting your spot again and again with the head of his cock. You were breathless, you couldn’t tell if it was reality or a dream.

He was loud. You could hear his whines, and moans, and grunts.

Hell if that didn’t turn you on even more.

“Fuck, the way your tits bounce, fuck,” he husked, his lips brushing against yours.

Indeed, you could feel your breasts heave and move with the motion, and you could hear the vulgar sound of skin slapping against skin, the wet slick sounds you assumed was your pussy being drilled by his dick.

“So wet and good for me, princess,” he muttered, “So good, taking my cock so well.”

His tongue forced his way inside your mouth again, finding yours. He started sucking on your tongue as he pounded you against the wall, muffling your cries. You weren’t going to last very long. You could feel it.

The tightening of your stomach, the heat spreading from your core to your chest and your toes and the tips of your fingers, your consciousness gradually disappearing as you felt increasingly light-headed.

“I can feel you, baby,” he breathed, “You wanna cum, sweetheart?”

“Jason,” you let out a soft sigh, unable to say anything other than his name.

“Me too, baby girl, me too,” he said in stuttered breaths as his thrusts became even faster but sloppier. He started rubbing on your clit again.

The moment he did, you snapped. You felt the shattering, most intense feeling of pleasure overcome all your senses, whiting you out from reality for those few moments of your high.

“Fuck!” you heard him swear distantly as you came back down. He pulled out quickly from you, making you wince at the slight soreness, and then you felt hot pulsations on your lower stomach as he groaned and grunted his release.

He slumped against you, trapping you between the wall as you released his middle from your legs. The moment you tried to stand up, your legs gave up, causing you to wobble and fall. Jason caught you before you reached the floor, and then gently set you down.

You leaned your head back on the wall and closed your eyes. Your legs still spread wide, hoping the cool air could relieve you of the sudden soreness you felt between your legs.

“You’re bleeding,” you heard him choke.

You opened your eyes to see him look at you with an odd expression- like he was confused and trying to decide something important.

“I’m fine,” you said, “Would it be too much to ask you to pass me my handbag? I’ve got tissues inside.”

You watched as he zipped himself up and walked a couple of feet away from you to take your bag. But instead of tossing it to you like you expected him to, he went through it, found the tissue, and then walked over to you and kneeled down.

With wide eyes, your eyes followed him as he took out a sheet and wipe you gently between your legs, the inside of your thighs, and your stomach. He tossed the tissue to the side. You briefly caught the bright red on the white. He took out another sheet and then cleaned you once more.

Once he was done, he found your panties and held them out to you, not meeting your eye. You graciously took it and slipped it back on, not missing the way his cheeks were slightly red.

You tried standing up again.

You were a little wobbly, but you managed.

He was now a few feet away from you, watching you from the corner of his eye.

The silence was awkwardly deafening. You just stood there, blushing, holding your own arms.

Then-

“Fuck it.”

He walked to you, and before you knew it, he pulled you in his arms for a…

Hug?

He forced your head to rest on his hard chest, as his other hand wrapped around you tight. The warmth you felt was surprising, but comforting, especially after losing your virginity in such an unconventional way.

“Don’t get used to this,” grumbled into your hair, “I’m not your fucking boyfriend.”

You could only silently nod as you tried to hide your smile.

The moment was short lived, because you remembered again how you got there.

“Jason?” you whispered.

“What?” he answered harshly.

“I hated you, you know,” you admitted, “Not Red Hood, not Jason Haywood. But you. Jason Todd.”

He let you go, and looked at you with an angry confused look.

You guessed that was how he was going to look at you from then on. Angry confusion. Angry stares. Angry smile. If that was even possible.

“It was just a deep, dark part of me, of course. I also did wish I got to know you. The Robin that died,” you said bitterly, “Every time someone brought you up, they’d look so fucking sad. Not that I could tell anyone that, of course. Because that would make me a Grade A bitch. But you know what? I hated you. I always wondered if Bruce adopted me just to fill in the hole that you left. And every time I did something right, I’d would think everyone around me is saying ‘Oh look at her. She’s finally catching up to Jason.’ And fuck, when I did something wrong, then it’d be ‘Jason would never have fucked up like that’.”

You looked at him with all the bitter resentment you’ve been harboring for years.

“I hated you, and I hated every time someone brought you up,” you continued, “Like, God, get over it, you know? He’s dead.”

You were slightly taken aback at how he was still silent, listening, and waiting for you to finish.

“But you’re not dead,” you sighed, “You’re here, alive. And I don’t know why I’m not telling Bruce about this. I hate you, so fucking much for making me feel this way.”

He stared at you with knitted brows, and then started chuckling, making you frown.

“Oh man,” he laughed, “I’ve never seen anyone look at me with so much hatred before. I mean, sure some of my men do hate me, but it was always mixed with fear. But you? Baby girl, you make me so fucking proud.”

He changed back into his arrogant self.

“Join me,” he cockily said.

“W-what?” you sputtered.

“Come on. I know you. The deep, dark part of yourself,” he used your own words, “The one who hated her father’s dead son, the one who put a guy into a coma without stopping to think of his family, the one who let me fuck you the way I did.”

He grinned as you remained silently frowning.

“Just one night,” he tried, “Just to show you my world, and what I do. I know you’re curious.”

He was right, you have always been curious as to what was happening on his side. The crazies, the bad guys, the deplorable.

Lately more than ever, with the exponential decrease in certain criminal activities.

“You know,” he continued, “Whenever you feel like you’re tired of being his sidekick, I’d gladly take you up as a partner.”

You chewed on your lip, heavily considering his offer.

“I’ll think about it,” you finally said, and turned away from him, “I’m going back.”

You were tired.

And sore.

“You know where to reach me.”

***

Jason watched you as you climbed back down the fire escape, putting up his casual front until he knew you were gone. He grit his teeth when he saw you cross the street back to the park, your gait slightly different.

He walked over to the wall where he fucked you animalistically wild.

“FUCK!” he roared, and punched the wall, feeling the pain reverberate down to his shoulder.

Why did he do that? Why did he do it the way he did?

He felt his chest tighten, his breaths quick and sharp.

His eyes were stinging with tears.

Why did he hug you? He didn’t care. He was not supposed to care.

Why did he feel like a fucking monster?

Finally, after so long of trying to hold back, he broke down.

He punched the wall again, and again, until he crumpled down to his knees, his sobs almost choking him.

He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled, screaming loud at how much he fucking hated himself.

He hated you, so much.

No, he didn’t.

Yes, he did.

“SHUT UP!” he yelled, “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”

He was nothing more than a pathetic, slobbering mess. No wonder Bruce had replaced him with you.

No, it was Bruce’s fault. Bruce never loved him. Bruce doesn’t love you. He just uses people and then throw them away.

He couldn’t breathe.

“Please,” he whimpered, “I want to die.”

No, he didn’t.

He still had a job to do, he still had his goals to reach. He’s been working so hard and he got to this point already. He had control of the underground and control over you.

So why didn’t he feel like a winner?

[amycuscarrcw]

╰ °✧ that’s AMYCUS CARROW and HE seems to look a lot like JASON RALPH. according to ministry files, the PUREBLOOD used to attend HOGWARTS and be in SLYTHERIN. now, they’re 25 and is an UNSPEAKABLE. A childlike rage and a childlike loneliness, the hushed quiet of hospital wards, a fine line between madness and genius, the sickly sweet smell of rot , a slowly unravelling thread, the endless ticking of a clock, are the best way to describe them. it doesn’t say in their file, but word around the street is that they’re a DEATH EATER. @mmprophet

introduction.

basics.

NAME: Amycus Cyrus Carrow AGE: 25 BIRTHDAY: January 13th. (Capricorn.) PRONOUNS: he/his BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood. CAREER: Unspeakable. Employed by the Department of Mysteries, on the surface Amycus largely concerns himself with the studies of Thought, Space and Time. Considering the black mark on his schooling records and unsociable demeanour, it’s almost a miracle that the Ministry had ever hired him - in this matter it’s highly likely that strings were pulled to ease his way in and nobody really knows what they do down there in the Department of Mysteries. Most of the ministry employees are just grateful they don’t have to encounter him very often. EDUCATION: Hogwarts WAND:  Pine, 11 3/4″, Dragon Heartstring. PATRONUS: Amycus cannot, and is unlikely to ever, form a corporeal patronus. If he could it would be a Raven. Frequently associated with loss and ill omens, Ravens surface throughout many mythologies spreading prophecy and insight, carrying the messages of gods. There’s a mysterious quality to the raven, they can be charismatic when they require something of you and excellent at hiding themselves when they don’t want to be seen. Greedy and vain. Curious and yearning for freedom. They are observers who only step into the light when it is to their advantage. BOGGART:  It’s the smell that comes first — damp earth, rotting leaves, the slimy new growth of those old woods, milky earthworms writing through freshly turned soil. It’s thick and cloying, suffocating in the dark. Then the weight of it, soft at first, spilling across his skin. Each shovel full growing heavier and heavier as he sinks in, deeper and deeper into the earth, in amidst the roots of the trees that gleam white like bone. It’s hard to see in the dark but he knows who it is who holds the shovel, who takes his time to slowly fill the grave that Amycus’s own clawing fingers can’t seem to catch a grip on, to climb out of. His father still cuts the imposing figure he had when Amycus was just a child. This is what happens to blood traitors. Even after all this time, their father’s shadow looms large over him. more ABOUT.

summary. 

+ The Carrows were sickly children, forever in and out of St. Mungo’s with some mysterious illness or the other for most of their childhood. Whilst their father had seemed largely indifferent to their suffering, their mother had been utterly enamoured with it (too enamoured, some might think.) Attention had always been scarce for Peony after her marriage, one almost couldn’t blame her for enjoying the sympathy that her poorly children brought to her. (Though they couldn’t certainly blame her for the poison she slipped into their cups.) + The twins were mismatching bookends; Alecto overflowing with every kind of feeling and Amycus devoid of any of it, but they were all the company each other had growing up. They relied on each other, in their own way, an understanding born through a tumultuous childhood. + They were expelled from Hogwarts in a scandalous fashion in their Sixth year after a long string of unproven accidents culminated in the pair being caught red-handed (literally) in one of their games. Their wands were broken, they were expelled, and it cost a great deal of social capital on the family name to get the decision overturned and to allow them to be packed off to Durmstrang for the rest of their education.  + Amycus had loathed Durmstrang. Sometimes he thinks he can still feel the cold of that place in his bones. Never mistaken as an overly sociable person, his isolation there had only served to further entrench him in his sour dislike of social situations. 

+ He now works in the Department of Mysteries and when spotted out and about he frequently seems distracted and out of sorts.  + There are very few people in the world that Amycus will willingly spend time with, which is why it had been so odd when he’d gone and picked up a friend, seemingly out of nowhere. One day he had been her brother, the person he’d always been, and the next he had been her brother - someone who befriended women named Lucy in the breakroom. Alecto had been deeply suspicious of the woman who wanted to be her brother’s ‘friend’ from the get-go, intent on discovering the agenda behind it, a suspicion that had only grown further the more that Amycus grew attached. When his friend had abruptly disappeared, in the manner that a great many people were disappearing these days, only to be found dead some weeks later and half her family with her, it had seemed a little too coincidental for Amycus to believe that Alecto had nothing to do with it. He hasn’t confirmed his suspicions, but there’s definitely an edge to his interactions with his sister lately. 

personality traits.

+ Intelligent  - Amycus has always lived in a world of his own. What he lacks in emotional awareness and a distinct inability to decipher what other people want or expect from him, he has always equalled in cleverness. He absorbs information like a sponge and retains it with an almost eerie degree of accuracy. Books were his solace growing up and he seems to always have one on hand. + Innovative - An adaptive thinker with a particular talent for problem solving, Amycus’s booksmarts transfer into practical application. He is good at coming up with new ways of applying what he has learnt and adapting his knowledge to fit the situation. + Focused - There is a laser precision to Amycus’s focus when he becomes interested in something. Dissuading him from a task once he has set his mind to it is nigh on impossible, to the point where most people who have come to know him understand that it is better to just let him get on with it. + Meticulous - A perfectionist at heart, Amycus is fastidious when it comes to attention to detail. He is clinical in his approach to life, sharp and incisive and never willing to let the smallest of details go. + Composed - For such an agitated mind, filled with nervous tics and idiosyncrasies, Amycus has a rarely disturbed composure. While the world rages around him he remains calm and measured. It had once been his greatest asset, the ability to remain steady in his path when the rest of the world unhinged itself, but these days his composure seems to fail him more and more often and in a world that requires restraint, he wonders where his own continues to disappear to. - Shy -  Amycus always struggled with socialisation. He tries, of course, with the same uneasy yearning he’s never been able to shake that demands people acknowledge his gifts, but he has always been odd, unsettling to the people around him. He might blame it on his mother, for his isolated childhood, or his sister who he had learned quickly would not be an easy companion, or his father’s cowering temper, or perhaps on his peers at Hogwarts and later Durmstrang who had been unnerved by him and his strange mannerisms, but the truth of it all is that there is no one to blame except for himself. Amycus does not socialise well and has learned, by and large, to keep to himself to avoid the censure that often follows his attempts to reach out to others. - Impressionable - People have always been fond of considering him weak-willed, but Amycus has simply always been easily influenced. He’d wondered once if it was the apathy that fills him that makes it so, that he simply didn’t feel enough to be decisive, but Lucy had disproven that theory. She had filled his head with thoughts that were so entirely incompatible with the Death Eater agenda that he sometimes still hears echoes of them, ghosts of a person he might have been if she’d survived to make it so. Luckily he’s always had his sister to give him a solid shove back into line when his thoughts veer into dangerous territory. - Apathetic - He has always wondered if perhaps there is simply something wrong with him, in the pathways of his brain or in it’s chemistry. Over the years he has observed the highest highs and lowest lows of emotion, he has seen it in his fellow Death Eaters and his peers at school, in his own family, and yet he feels so rarely that sometimes he wonders if he might be imagining it. At least, that was the case before Lucy - he still can’t comprehend the ruin she’d wrought on his emotional landscape but he does know it’s infinitely more unstable than it had once been. He refuses to acknowledge the feelings she’d made him aware of, or the way in which the heartbreak she’d introduced into his life by rejection and then her death had tipped him over the edge, but he clings to the old comfort of apathy like pretending might just return him back to what he’d been before she’d come into his life. - Ruthless - Capable of monstrous things if they are put into his path or demanded of him, Amycus is largely a passive creature. He has never had a problem with what society considers distasteful or abhorrent and has little in the way of self-restraint to keep him from simply slicing through the obstacles that present themselves in his path. He struggles with the idleness of life after the war was won, of the return of rigid social norms and the pressures of living up to pureblood societal rules. - Explosive - The rarely sighted and often questioned presence of Amycus Carrow’s temper is something that people don’t give much consideration. He has always been considered a cold person, apathetic and even, not given to strong emotions, if any at all. But every so often if the motivation is presented Amycus’s detachment gives way to something else entirely: blinding and overwhelming and violent, his temper has been known to explode with ugly consequences. It happened once at school and the repercussions were something that have stained their family name and reputation to this day. It is fortunate, perhaps, that the Carrows have never cared much for an untainted image.

bio.

(trigger warning: inexplicit mentions of abuse, violence, death.)

Amycus Carrow had been born with the taste of decay in his mouth.

His family tree rotted long before his birth, a once grand family besieged by the gossip of their peers and the ever-mounting debt that crept in like the shadow of the old woods that had overrun their family estate. It swas no surprise that he had turned out so twisted and wrong, given his circumstances. Amycus was a symptom of a much greater disease.

Weaned on poison instead of mother’s milk, shepherded in and out of hospital wings since his infancy, it was easy to believe such a bony little creature would not last the harsh winters of the moors, but survive he did. Amycus was clever, or so they’d soon learn, behind his solemn, eerie stares and an unceasing discomfort within his own skin lay a mind riddled with black holes and infinite constellations. His father’s library was his most trusted companion inside the walls of their quiet home, tucked into corners where his sister’s rages couldn’t rattle him with only books and the contents of his own journals to entertain him.

From those books he discovered the threat the Muggle and their more insidious cousin, the Mudblood, presented to wizarding kind; he learned of the sanctity of the blood that flowed through his veins and how to recognise the taste of Belladonna and Angel’s Trumpet and Baneberry on his tongue disguised by his morning pumpkin juice. (‘You must drink every last drop, my darlings.’) The Carrow home was full of secrets, but the woods at their door buried the darkest.

People didn’t like him very much - he’d been an offputting child and at Hogwarts that proved doubly so. Away from his mother’s care he grew stronger and taller but no less odd, no less curious. They didn’t like the way his speech stumbled and faltered and how frustrated his inability to communicate with others made him, they didn’t like the steady, unblinking malevolence in his stare. It bothered him: his teacher’s wariness and his peers mockery, their inability to see the multitude of worlds trapped in his head.

But he was clever and his experiments (suggestions whispered into his ear from his wrathful sister) never left tangible evidence behind. The girl who fell down the stairs of the Astronomy tower, or the boy whose skin had bubbled and burned for days after he’d dropped the wrong potions ingredient into his cauldron. He never meant to get caught; after hours in the midst of a snowstorm the feeling had blindsided him and her blood had been so vivid against the snow — as it turned out, she would be one more stain upon their family name.

There was no evidence it hadn’t been an accident, his parents had insisted, but Dumbledore had not agreed. The board of governors had been called, but not even an old name like Carrow could budge that decision.

The day that Amycus and Alecto were expelled from Hogwarts, the broken halves of his wand clutched in his hand and his father’s fingers digging into the bones of his shoulder, was the day that Amycus understood just how deep the threat of muggleborns and their sympathisers ran. An appeal had given him a new wand and a new school, but even cold and remote Durmstrang could not smother the burning grudge that had arisen within him.

What Dumbledore stole from him, the Dark Lord would return three-fold in the years to come. Amycus would allow himself to be branded just like his father, a mark of his allegiance, in exchange for opportunity, for the influence to get him inside the door of the Department of Mysteries, and in those mysteries he has found purpose. Oversight is unheard of behind that door: there is nobody to dissuade his interests or curb his tastes and so long as he is careful - well, it’s almost as if you could get away with murder down there.

[mobius-prime]

266. Sonic Universe #1

The Shadow Saga (Part 1 of 4): Living Weapons

Writer: Ian Flynn Pencils: Tracy Yardley! Colors: Jason Jensen

We've finally arrived at the comic's most long-standing sister series, Sonic Universe! Like its predecessor KtE, SU ran in arcs of several issues, though the arcs were made up of four issues at a time instead of three, and largely focused on side stories that ran at the same time as the main plotline, usually following the adventures of characters other than Sonic. This allows us to get a greater insight into what the expanded cast of the comics is up to without taking the focus of the main comic's plot away from its titular hero. If we're being honest, some of my favorite stories from this era were contained within SU, as I'm very attached to a lot of the secondary characters of this universe and only following Sonic tends to get boring after a while (one of the reasons I actually liked KtE). As the name implies, this first arc focuses mostly on Shadow. I will note before we get started that since the issues of SU were released alongside those of StH, one per month, the stories of SU often end up intersecting with the main plot. Most of SU's arcs can be read in full four-issue chunks without interruption, but I've deliberately split this one into a couple parts based on context clues about how exactly it intersects with StH's next four issues. Thus, we'll be covering the first issue of the Shadow Saga, followed by two issues of the main comic, and then the other three issues of the Shadow Saga before we finally make our way back into the main comic for the 200-issue milestone special.

This issue picks up right where we left off last time, with Shadow teleporting himself and Metal Sonic away from Moebius to a new zone, though there's a bit of a twist. See, the other sister series I haven't been covering (but might in the future, depending on a couple different factors) is the comic's continuation of the Sonic X anime, which ran for forty issues, with the final one being released just before this one. I haven't covered it because technically it's an entirely separate canon from the preboot, with the only point of intersection being its final issue, when Shadow initially ends up teleporting himself and Metal Sonic to… you guessed it, the Sonic X zone. That issue ends with them teleporting away once again, which lands them here, in the Sol Dimension, hovering above the waters of a vast ocean. Shadow tries to get Metal to stop fighting for a second, reasoning that he's a living weapon that can think for itself and therefore should reject working for Eggman, but Metal doesn't listen, instead calculating that Shadow's rocket shoes are all that's allowing him to hover and that he likely has very little swimming ability. So naturally, it shoves him down into the water and zooms off in search of this zone's equivalent of Eggman.

I have no idea if the implication here really was meant to be that Shadow is bad at swimming, or if Metal was just mistaken and Shadow deliberately only surfaced after it had left, but either way, Shadow is taken aboard Marine's boat, where he explains why he's here to Blaze. Blaze, recognizing him as being from Sonic's world, explains that he's ended up in her own dimension, and all the while an excited Marine, her Australian accent out in full force, continually tries to interrupt and do some explaining of her own. Shadow irritably suggests she captain the boat back toward the nearest port, which she promptly does, wanting to show off her captaining skills, while Shadow and Blaze continue to talk. This gives Blaze the opportunity to explain to Shadow - and therefore, us - exactly what happened in the offscreen "adaptions" of Sonic Rush and Sonic Rush Adventure that Ian never showed the full picture of. Interestingly enough, it seems that the entirety of the former basically didn't take place at all, with Sonic's relationship with Blaze being entirely centered around the events of the latter. Apparently, Blaze's problems began when the Sol Emeralds she was sworn to protect went mysterious missing, and she began having dreams about Sonic and Eggman. She ended up finding her way to the Cosmic Interstate and into Mobius, where she had her first, very hostile encounter with Sonic. From there, she evidently went immediately back to her own dimension, and not long after Sonic and Tails somehow ended up there after a freak storm (which is interesting in itself, considering the equivalent events of the games are implied to have taken place at least several months apart). Marine found them, as well as the green Chaos Emerald, and when the robot pirate Johnny stole it they enlisted Blaze's help to chase him from island to island, hoping to get the gem back.

Thanks for your entirely-factually-sound addition to that story, Marine! I love that she includes the detail of Blaze apparently having a giant friend crush on her. Soon enough, the boat pulls into the nearest harbor, while Shadow muses that if they still have the Chaos Emerald, his mission - to breach the Special Zone and retrieve one - may not be a total bust after all. However, it becomes apparent as they dock that the island they've arrived at is cloaked in a layer of ominous smoke. They quickly disembark to find that Metal has already reached the island, setting several buildings ablaze and grabbing random terrified citizens to question them on their version of Eggman's whereabouts.

Blaze in the preboot is actually significantly more prone to outbursts of anger and violence compared to her relatively more composed and calm counterpart within the games, something which I actually appreciate. She's knocked aside by Metal, and Shadow joins the fray, trying to once again teleport the two away to help protect Blaze's world, but is thrown aside before he can complete a Chaos Control. Marine jumps in next, grabbing onto Metal's head and whooping and throwing some very Australian insults at it while it tries to shake her off, and Shadow can't get a proper shot in for fear of hitting her. Finally Metal manages to throw her off, and Blaze runs over to check on her while Shadow once again confronts Metal about its purpose in life.

I like this. It makes total sense that Shadow would see a part of himself in someone like Metal, given their somewhat-comparable backstories. I suppose it makes more sense in this context as well, given that the events of Heroes never really happened here and thus no recent instance of Metal Sonic has ever rebelled against its creator. Metal processes Shadow's words for a second, and then replies that as Shadow currently considers protecting Mobius and its inhabitants his own purpose, they're still both just living weapons, weapons with conflicting purposes. Shadow regretfully calls on Blaze to attack with her fire, then he spindashes Metal into the air, where Marine, having rushed back to her ship, deals the killing blow with a shot from her cannons. The three then get busy with helping put out the fires around the village, and when Marine won't shut up about how badass the fight was, Shadow irritably reminds her that Metal was the only hope he had of getting back to Mobius in the first place, and then makes a request that leads into one of the most hilariously famous series of panels in the entire preboot.

That grumpy frown. I adore it. Blaze steps in to vouch for Marine, considering she's like, literally six, and then offers Shadow the Chaos Emerald, saying that with its help she's found enough of the Sol Emeralds that she won't need it anymore to find the rest. Shadow thanks her, and they part on good terms, with Shadow performing one last Chaos Control to send himself back to his home dimension.

Hey, Hope, good to see you! I'm still a bit sad that she feels she can't go back to the Mobians, but at least she seems to be doing well for herself, working as an engineer for GUN. Shadow reports to Tower that his mission was technically successful, even though he didn’t manage to breach into the Special Zone like they'd planned. Hope is happy that even though her transporter didn't work as expected Shadow still succeeded in retrieving an emerald, and Tower informs Shadow to get ready, as he's already being assigned another mission which will begin that night. Of course, we won't be seeing it for a couple of days, since as mentioned before we're taking a quick detour back to the main comic for now.

[marcjampole]

Mainstream news media created the conditions in which a bottom-feeder like Trump could thrive by focusing on celebrity culture to encourage conspicuous consumption

AARP the Magazine is thus a small part of the giant propaganda machine that created the celebrity culture that created Donald Trump. It took from the first stirrings of consumer culture in the 1890’s until the 21st century for the focus on celebrity to pollute our marketplace of ideas enough for a toxic algae boom like Donald Trump to emerge (with apologies to algae blooms worldwide!). But unlike cleaning up the environment, saving our political discourse is conceptually easy—all the news media has to do is dedicate more of its feature coverage to those whose accomplishments can’t be measured by money made or spent, and cease to cover every issue like a reality show featuring celebrities. Not one big action, but a bunch of little actions are needed to stem the tide of celebrity culture. AARP could do its part by working into the mix a healthy share of scientists, historians, civic leaders, activists and literary figures into Big5-Oh and other parts of the magazine.

Those seeking to put the Trump phenomenon in a broader context will usually point out that his rhetoric and actions typically stay within the margins of 21st century Republican thought, especially as it concerns taxes, regulation, healthcare insurance, women’s health issues and white supremacy. Sometimes Trump has extended those margins with more outrageous versions of standard Republican fare. Others label Trumpism as the American version of the movement throughout the West to embrace ultranationalist, anti-immigration autocrats.

As insightful as these analyses are, they miss Trump’s cultural significance. Not only does Trump represent the bitterly racist and classist endgame of Ronald Reagan’s “politics of selfishness,” he also is the apotheosis of our cultural decline into celebrity-fueled consumerism. Remember that in the real world, Trump was a terrible and unethical businessperson who drove companies into bankruptcy six times; had at least a dozen failed business ventures based on his most valuable asset, his brand name; lost money for virtually all his investors; often lied to banks and governmental agencies; and has been sued by literally thousands of people for nonpayment or breach of contract. 

But while Trumpty-Dumpty was engaging in a one-man business wrecking crew he managed to get his name in the newspaper for his conspicuous consumption, his attendance at celebrity parties and his various marriage and romances. His television show was a hit, which reaped him even more publicity. But make no mistake about it, before he started his run for political office by promoting the vicious, racially tinged lie that Obama hails from Kenya, the public recognized Trump primarily for the attributes he shared with the British royal family, the Kardashians, Gosselins, Robertsons, the housewives of New Jersey, Atlanta, South Beach and elsewhere, Duane Chapman, Betheny Frankel, Paris Hilton and the rest of the self-centered lot of rich and famous folk known only for being rich and famous and spending obnoxious sums of money.

Trump’s celebrity status always hinted at his master-of-the-universe skills in business and “The Apprentice” never missed an opportunity to reinforce that false myth. Thus, whereas the business world recognized Donald Trump as the ultimate loser, celebrity culture glorified him as one of the greatest business geniuses in human history. It was this public perception of Trump—completely opposite of reality—that gave him the street cred he needed to attract unsophisticated voters. Trump is completely a creation of celebrity culture.

When we consider the general intellectual, moral and cultural climate of an era—the Zeitgeist, which in German means the “spirit of the age”—we often focus on defining events such as presidential assassinations, Woodstock, the moon landing, 9/11, the election of the first non-white president. But a Zeitgeist comprises thousands upon thousands of specific events, trends and personal choices. 

Which brings us—finally—to the subject of this article, AARP the Magazine, the semi-monthly slick magazine of the American Association of Retired People (AARP). The magazine usually uses celebrities and celebrity culture to give tips on personal finances, health, careers, relationships, retirement and lifestyle to its members, people over the age of 50. Because AARP membership rolls is so enormous, I have no doubt that AARP is one of the four or five most well-read periodicals in the United States.

Now AARP the organization must have many qualms about Trump and Trumpism. Trump has already rolled back consumer protections that prevent seniors from being taken advantage of by both big businesses and small-time con artists. Trump is vowing to dedicate his second term to cutting Social Security and Medicare, two programs of utmost importance to the well-being of AARP’s members. The leadership of AARP certainly understands that Trump’s cruelly aggressive effort to end immigration from non-European countries is the main cause for the growing shortages of the home care workers so vital to many if not most people in their final years. They must also realize that a tariff war affects people on fixed incomes the most.

What AARP leaders—of the organization and magazine—show no signs of understanding is that they played a role in creating the monster. The focus of AARP the Magazine and the other AARP member publication on promoting celebrity culture helped to create the playing field that Trump dominates—that shadow land of aspirations for attention and materialism in which all emotional values reduce to buying and consumption and our heroes have either done nothing to deserve their renown or have worked in the mass entertainment industries of TV, movies, sports and pop music.  

As an example of how celebrity culture permeates and controls the aspirational messages of AARP the Magazine, let’s turn to the feature on the last page of every issue, something called “Big5-Oh”: Big5-Oh always has a paragraph story with photos of a famous person who is turning 50 sometime during the two months covered by the issue. The bottom third of the page consists of one-sentence vignettes with head-and-shoulder photos of famous people turning 50, 60, 70 and 80. The copy typically describes something the famous person is doing that demonstrates she or he is continuing to thrive and do great things despite advancing age.

I’ve seen Big5-Oh in every issue of AARP I have ever read, and I have perused each issue for about 18 years. And in every issue, the famous people mentioned are virtually all celebrities, by which I mean actors, pop musicians, sports stars and those known only for being known like the Kardashians and Snooki. Only quite rarely a film director, popular writer or scientist sneaks in.

The latest issue, covering August and September 2019 exemplifies the celebrity-driven approach that hammers home the idea that only celebrities matter (since it’s only their birthdays and ages that are seemed worth memorializing). The featured person turning 50 is Tyler Perry, an actor and writer-director. The smaller features include four actor, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jason Alexander, Richard Gere and Lilly Tomlin, plus the athlete Magic Johnson and the rock star Bruce Springsteen.

Not one scientist, not one historian or sociologist. Not one civic leader, politician, physician, novelist, poet or classical or jazz musician. No astronaut, architect or engineer. I did a little cursory research to come up with a reconceived Big5-Oh for August and September 2019: The big feature, always about someone turning 50, could be the chess player Ben Finegold, the best-selling but much scandalized popular writer James Frey or the filmmaker Noah Baumbach. That’s pretty much a wash with Tyler Perry. If I were editor of this feature, I would probably still pick Tyler Perry over this competition. 

But when we get to people who turned 60 and 70 during these months, you realize how much celebrity culture guided the editor’s choice of subjects: ignored are the designer Michael Kors, the current governor of Virginia Ralph Northam, the distinguished Spanish filmmaker Pedro Almodovar, the even more distinguished journalist James Fallows, the important literary novelists Jane Smiley, Martin Amis and Jonathan Franzen, the leader of the Irish Green Party, astronaut Scott Altman and Beverly Barnes, the first woman to captain a Boeing 747. All these people are non-celebrities and all have made more significant and lasting contributions to America than the people the column’s editor selected, with the possible exception of Magic Johnson and Bruce Springsteen. 

What’s more significant, though, is including some of these people instead of all celebrities would make an important message about what we value in our society. It would say that we honor the intellectual contributions of our writers, scientists, knowledge professionals and civic leaders. The fact that AARP always selects celebrities for Big5-Oh and tends to build other stories and features around celebrities makes the opposite message about value—that all that matters is the gossip surrounding celebrities and the promotion of celebrity culture.  

Now AARP shares the blame for our culture’s emphasis on shallow consumerism and superficial celebrities with many of our cultural organizations and educational institutions. For example, the political reporting of the mainstream media reduces all political discourse to celebrity terms—name-calling, who is feuding with whom, who’s winning in the polls, the skeleton-closet scandals of the candidates’ families, which celebrities love and hate them, zingers and misstatements, the candidates’ theme songs and other main themes of celebrity culture. Notice that Trump is as much a master in these endeavors as he is an inexperienced and ignorant buffoon in matters related to governance such as policy, history, the inner workings of the government and the scientific research informing governmental decisions. Note, too, that based on how much ink and space is given to endorsements by the media, in the hierarchy of value, celebrities rate above elected officials who rate above unions, business and scientific organizations and luminaries in fields other than entertainment. 

[junglecruisefullmovie1]

8 Best Movie Review Websites and Podcasts

Everyone has their own reasons for reviewing movies. Everybody is different and has different passions. Moviegoers may look up reviews before they see a film, while others use them to continue the discussion afterward.

Movie reviews are often sought out by people who want to help them find a good movie. It takes time to watch a movie in theaters, or at home. Time is money. You want to ensure that the movie you're about to see is worth your time. You might also like to know what the movie will look like before you click on the play button.

However, movie reviews can be accessed for many reasons. Some people just want to know the rating (or percentage) of a movie before they watch it. Others are interested in learning what other critics think about it. Others want more information on a movie, including all the controversial content. This will help them be prepared to decide if it's a good film for them (especially if they're reviewing it before they let their children watch it).

Others are movie buffs that want to learn everything about the production and listen to what others have to say about obscure and old movies.

We have put together a list of all the best places to watch movie reviews online. No matter how experienced or novice a movie lover is, there's a way for them to satisfy their "needs" while also becoming a better moviegoer.

Podcast Audio Reviews

Now Playing

The show's three hosts are the core, with a rotating panel that includes critics who are all experts in cinema and movies. They discuss the best and worst movies and series and review them. The unique aspect of this show is that they not only review a movie each week but also review all movies in the series that lead up to it. For example, the 2016 Jason Bourne movie saw them review all Bourne movies together. The shows usually last at least one hour, sometimes more, but the hosts are so engaging and knowledgeable that they don't drag. Warning: It does contain spoilers! You can also find articles by staff members and discussion forums where movie lovers can discuss certain movies or topics.

Collider Movie Talk

Each episode of this show is a video and not a podcast. The show features approximately 5 hosts who discuss the latest movies and episodes last about an hour. The show does not concentrate on one movie or series but rather on many movies coming to theaters, new releases, and old movies that are somehow connected to the discussion. The hosts engage in healthy and interesting debate, as well as interviews with stars of new movies. They also focus on TV and film. The website has sections dedicated to Movie News as well as TV News. These sections feature insightful articles by the Collider staff.

Mad about Movies

This show is published weekly by three friends and features the same format. Each episode includes a discussion of general movie news followed by a discussion on a highlighted movie. Then, they share their weekly recommendations. Although the episodes vary in length (from 30 minutes to 2 hours), there is great chemistry between the hosts. They are also very intelligent and funny. The hosts' frequent "Throwbacks" podcasts about older movies are great fun (such as the throwback Beauty and the Beast prior to the new live-action version of the movie). You can also find special episodes that feature amazing interviews or relate to current events such as the Oscars special.

GREENLIGHT Reviews

Since 2005, this show has been recording audio movie review episodes. All episodes were recorded by the same hosts: Ann Elder and Les Roberts, Hollywood critics. Ann and Les are both actors, producers and writers from Hollywood and have the necessary experience to provide an entertaining and in-depth movie review. Their reviews were originally recorded on radio and have since been made into podcasts. They continue to produce new podcasts frequently. Each episode of the podcast discusses the plot without giving away any spoilers. The plot, the direction, casting, as well as the overall positive and detrimental elements of the movie are all covered in the podcast episodes. Ann and Les talk in a conversational style that is perfect for novices as well as movie buffs. Each episode lasts between 7 and 12 minutes, making them easy to understand without taking up too much time. You don't have to wait for the next episode, as they are available three times per week (Monday through Friday). You can also search the site for movie reviews by genre or title to find exactly what you're looking for.

Site Reviews

Rotten Tomatoes

It's the best place to get a quick rating and information on movies coming to theaters and movies that are currently in theaters. Rotten Tomatoes can be a great way to see the consensus on a movie's quality if you already trust their ratings. You can see the percentage of critics who gave the movie positive reviews using the "Tomatometer". The "Tomatometer" provides information about the movie but not the plot or reviews. It also shows the cast. Then, you will find all the reviews from critics (critics must first be approved Rotten Tomatoes so that there are no Joe-Shmoes on the street).

PluggedIn

Parents who want to know what movie their child is watching are going to love this movie review site. It covers the good, bad and ugly. This gives a brief overview of the story, before getting into the details about the positive and bad elements of the movie. They aren't just a movie review site, they also review books, music, and video games!

Although it is extremely helpful and informative, there are a lot spoilers. It can also be overwhelming for parents who use it to determine if their children will be allowed to see the latest movie at the theater. This site is loved for its thorough, detailed reviews.

Film Comment

This website is not intended for casual movie-watchers, but for those who are serious about film studies. Film Comment publishes print magazines that feature a few movies and include scholarly articles on different artistic aspects. You can also access these magazines on their website. They are published bi-monthly and have been in circulation since 1962. This magazine has stood the test of time. Although the articles cover mainstream movies, the magazine seems to be more focused on "art-house, avant-garde and filmmaking from around the world." This publication is intended for serious movie fans who enjoy discovering obscure images at film festivals and view the cinema as an art form. This site is more academic. You can also find interviews and a blog.

Roger Ebert

Although the famous movie critic passed away in 2013, his work can still be found on his website. This website remains one of the most comprehensive and extensive houses of movie reviews. Trusted critics, the movie reviewers provide honest and informative reviews. Each review is given between one to five stars, which makes it easy to make quick movie-watching choices. You also have information about the cast, creators, and a discussion forum that anyone can join. The site allows you to search older movies by genre, date, and rating. There are plenty of movies to choose from. Roger Ebert is a man we admire and trust. We also love his motto that "No good or bad movie is too short" and that you can search for older movies by date, genre, rating, or rating. However, it is difficult to get to know the new movie critics, other than to be sure they know what they're doing.

This concludes our list with the top movie review websites and podcasts. We hope you found this helpful and find the best movie review site for you.

[bigskydreaming]

Was just reading a story set just before ADITF, about Jason finding out Catherine wasn’t his biological mother, and some thoughts came to mind based on something in it that’s reflective of a trend in a lot of similar stories. (Just FYI, this wasn’t a recent story or anything that’s been updated recently, its from years ago and a few hundred pages back in the Dick Grayson archive, and I’m mostly talking in general terms as usual).

And also to preface this, I think a lot of people who write stories that emphasize the following are just taking their cues from ADITF and how Jason reacted then and his train of thought in that story, the things he emphasized and prioritized in his thoughts and dialogue.....buuuuuut its always worth acknowledging that canon’s writers are pretty shit at writing the Batfamily’s dynamics with anything approach nuance at times.

So! All that said, just some things potentially worth thinking about if ever writing a fic about that storyline, that personally I think likely to give things more depth and do all the characters more justice in that situation than canon did....first and foremost being the fact that Jason, the character who finds out at the beginning of that story that Catherine is not his biological mother.....is at the time he finds this out.....already a child of adoption. By Bruce.

Which is to say.....even though Jason is only fifteen, at that point in time he’d been living with Bruce for at least three years, and we know that Bruce adopted him fairly early on. Most of the time Jason spent living with Bruce, he did so as Bruce’s adopted son. 

There’s a lot of focus in fandom on how Jason is a lot more sensitive and thoughtful than canon typically credits him as being, and that he was always a very bright and intelligent kid. So yes, while of course this was always going to be a shock for him, and of course its possible and even likely for him to have feelings of betrayal as he feels like he’s been lied to for most of his life, that this was kept from him, that Catherine kept this truth from him....its still not necessarily true or likely that meant Jason was going to react, say, the same way media often write this revelation being received by children who don’t have any experience with adoptive parents.

Because again, at this point in time, Jason has had about three years worth of time to experience life as Bruce’s adoptive son, and to do a lot of processing and thinking about just what that means to him. Such as whether or not being adopted makes Jason any less Bruce’s son than not being adopted makes any other kids he knows the children of their respective parents. 

And also, Jason spent all of those three years as an adoptive child who was adopted relatively later in his childhood, and he actually does have clear, vivid memories of his biological father to compare his life with Bruce to. Unlike kids who find out later in life that they were adopted at birth, but have absolutely no memories or awareness of life with anyone other than their adoptive parents. And thus they can’t feasibly do anything but wonder whether things might have been better or worse with different parents, like if they’d grown up with their biological parents.

Jason does have that point of comparison, enabling him to contrast how he feels with and towards Bruce as opposed to how he felt with and towards Willis....and so, IMO its pretty inevitable that this would likely come up for him at some point in the search for Sheila......because he already knows firsthand that the grass is not always greener on the biological side.

Like, although he and Bruce were definitely having issues at that particular point in time, which no doubt influenced and contributed to a lot of what Jason was feeling and how he was reacting.....the majority of those feelings were of hurt and betrayal at the wedge that had grown between he and Bruce since Garzonas’ death, that Bruce didn’t believe him when he insisted he hadn’t pushed him, etc.....but the point is not that he had those feelings, had those issues with Bruce at that particular time, the point is that he was hurt by Bruce’s distance....because he didn’t want that distance to exist. He wanted things between them to go back to the way they were before, he wanted Bruce to believe him. 

All of which says to me that no matter how angry he was at Bruce then and there, no matter how hurt he was feeling, etc.....that’s still a long ways away from lumping Bruce in the same category as Willis, because of all that.....the hurt about Bruce’s distrust and judgment, while still very much a real thing.....is not IMO remotely interchangeable with the hurt Jason felt due to his first father’s physical, emotional, and constant and willful abuse. 

(Yes, after Jason’s return, and the disaster that was the UTRH storyline and later interactions between he and Bruce, you can definitely make a lot better case for him linking Bruce with Willis in his mind, and its not like I’ve never drawn those parallels myself.....but fifteen year old Jason? I don’t for a second think his mind was going THERE, specifically, because he knew very well that he was hurting because of Bruce’s actions and why....but he also knew very well that feeling the loss of Bruce’s trust and easy camaraderie was not the same thing as having never felt like he’d had Willis’ trust or camaraderie or even love, period).

So again....that was not a good time for Bruce and Jason, compared to at least the first couple of years Jason spent as Bruce’s adoptive son......but none of that, to my mind, suggests that it ever even popped into Jason’s head that he’d been better off with Willis than with Bruce, just because Willis was Jason’s biological father. It never would have escaped Jason’s awareness that biology is no guarantee of love, and that finding out Catherine wasn’t his actual biological mother didn’t in any way guarantee that he’d have been better off growing up with an unknown, still as-yet-nameless biological mother he had no mental picture of.

Now, to be clear, I’m not suggesting that this should in any way impact Jason’s hopes for this biological mother he was searching for, that she would be a good mother, would actually love him, want him, actually be the kind of figure he wanted her to be from the moment he found out there was someone else to be found out there with a connection to him. All of that makes total sense, not trying to imply otherwise - 

No, the thing I don’t really click with is what all of this means for his feelings for Catherine, specifically. Being hurt or upset at her memory because he feels like she lied to him by never telling him she wasn’t his biological mother? Sure. But that too is not the same thing as an easy or quick dismissal of her as his mother in his thoughts or dialogue, the second he finds out she technically was his adopted mother all along, not his biological mother as he’d assumed. Jason usually has pretty complicated thoughts about Catherine over all, at least at most other times, and he should, I think. Its totally understandable. And he’s usually written as being a lot warmer and more charitable towards Catherine and her issues after his death and return....if for no other reason than because after how Sheila betrayed him, after realizing she’d never given a single shit that he was actually hers, biologically, its a lot easier for him to look back on his life with Catherine and think “well no matter how I might feel about how bad things were at times with her as my mother, at least I did feel like she’d cared about me, unlike Sheila. She could’ve been worse, Sheila proves that.”

But what I’m saying with all of this is personally, I feel that despite his young age, and despite his emotional turmoil and the complicated situation between him and Bruce at that time.....Jason still had a lot of time to put a lot of thought into what Bruce being his adoptive father meant in terms of whether or not that made him Jason’s father, in Jason’s own eyes. And what I think fics about this storyline could only ever benefit from, is just......not need him to meet and be betrayed by Sheila in order to realize that Catherine not being his biological mother didn’t actually mean she didn’t have a right to that title in his memories or while he was growing up with her. Because the second Jason starts down that train of thought, it begs the question - though the question hardly ever actually seems to come up - if Catherine was never really his biological mother and thus she was never ‘really’ his mother.....then what does that suggest about whether Bruce could ever really be his father?

And again - this isn’t to diminish the turmoil Jason was feeling towards and because of Bruce at that very specific point in time - but it does demand a bit of context to that line of thinking, I feel like. Because as I said....the issues Jason was having with Bruce were that he was hurt by Bruce’s distance, distance he wished wasn’t there. Those issues weren’t standing in the way of Jason coming to accept and view Bruce as his actual father, they weren’t evidence in support of the idea that they’d never truly be father and son and thus Jason should give up hoping for that........because Jason had already before this point viewed them as father and son. Its what I said previously about him having at least a couple of good years, extremely close years with Bruce, before these issues got between them.....and how Jason had always been smart, insightful, sensitive and a lot deeper than canon likes to credit him as being. Jason had already done his thinking on the matter of him and Bruce, probably starting from the day Bruce had even asked to adopt him. He’d already come to the conclusion that Bruce could in fact be his real father in every way that really mattered, despite not being his biological father....he’d already deemed that none of that actually mattered. 

So that question I raised, that is kinda of the logical extension of ‘well Catherine wasn’t my biological mother, so she wasn’t actually my mother’....just applied to Bruce in light of this new information as well......problem is......IMO, that question had already been asked and answered, in the matter of Jason’s view towards Bruce, when Bruce adopted him. This new information about Catherine doesn’t change the fact that Jason had already had that particular information about Bruce not being his biological father and that nothing was ever going to change that.....before Bruce even actually adopted him. That when Jason went into that particular situation with eyes wide open.....he did so already knowing that the only way that adoption was ever going to mean anything to him, to Bruce, to both of them, to mean he could truly consider Bruce his father from that moment on or accept or hell even just hope it meant Bruce truly viewed him as his son....the only way that worked at all.....was if Bruce’s biological parentage didn’t need to exist with him in order for his being Jason’s father to be real, and matter.

Bruce was only ever Jason’s father, because Jason had already put in the time and thought and knowledge that Bruce was never going to be his biological father......and he’d already arrived at the conclusion that the latter part didn’t matter. Didn’t change anything. Was not, and never would be, the necessary ingredient to make the two of them the father and son Jason hoped they could be - and were, for at least the first couple of years together. 

So the part that always makes me sit up and scratch my head kinda, its the sequencing of the equation “Jason discovers new information about Catherine not being his biological mother - makes him doubt or feel that this makes her less his mother than he’d always assumed and believed to be true = [rarely examined conclusion] thus suggesting Bruce can never truly be his father because Bruce is not his biological father.”

That train of thought doesn’t follow for me, because the first two parts of it lead to a conclusion that’s entirely different from the conclusion Jason already reached when years before, he solved for “Jason is asked by Bruce to be adopted as Bruce’s son  - knowing he is not and never will be biologically Bruce’s child = [previously decided conclusion] Jason says yes and accepts and views Bruce as truly his father anyway, because the biological component is not necessary in order to do so.”

Now, in all fairness - nobody is ever 100% rational about these sort of things, even when they’re not teenagers, and let alone when they’re in the midst of a lot of emotional turmoil specifically geared around feeling distance growing between them and their parent. Like Jason was feeling about his and Bruce’s relationship and was the very thing that led him to go back to his old apartment looking to feel more of a connection to his previous family because he was feeling less connected as family to Bruce at that very time.

It would be totally fair and realistic IMO for all of this new information and the intensity of Jason’s search for his previously unknown biological mother, to be directly connected to him having doubts as to whether or not he and Bruce were truly father and son....but not ‘and whether or not they ever could be’.....but ‘and whether or not they ever had been, or if he’d just fooling himself that a biological connection wasn’t necessary and didn’t matter.’

All of this contributing to Jason second-guessing whether his and Bruce’s bond had ever truly been real, had ever truly been that of parent and child....yeah, that makes sense. The math adds up for me on that.

But again - its the sequencing that’s the issue, specifically. Second-guessing whether the conclusion he’d previously held about the two of them....requires first acknowledging that a conclusion had been drawn in the first place.

And that’s the part that’s missing for me, from a lot of stories and headcanons and even the actual canon issues themselves, when it comes to this particular point in time.

The connection to Bruce, and his place in all of this specifically. Not just in being the reason Jason’s driven so frenetically in pursuit of other connections and the biological mother he learns might be out there for him still.....but also existing as proof that while Jason might never have expected to explore this line of thinking in regards to Catherine.....he very much had already explored it well before he even found a reason to do so with Catherine. 

And that while he might currently be experiencing doubts or second thoughts about the conclusions he’d drawn when he’d gone down that road before....the fact remains that he had still gone down that road before.

And that still is very much relevant here, to my mind.

[newyorktheater]

When David Henry Hwang was first starting out as a dramatist, there was an “indivisible wall” between theater and television. Forty years later, “playwrights have become very popular in television now,” he tells Hillary Miller in “Playwrights on Television: Conversations with Dramatists (Routledge, 273 pages.) Hwang, who has been a writer on the Showtime cable TV series “The Affair” since 2015, is the most prominent (and probably the oldest) of the 18 writers interviewed in the book – not just a prolific Tony-winning playwright and musical librettist, but chair of the board of the American Theatre Wing and director of the playwriting program at Columbia University School of the Arts. His conversation with Miller happens also to feature the most relevant comments for what is suddenly a drastically changed landscape for theater, as well as for television (and for nearly everything else.) The definitions of both theater and TV were already being expanded, reconsidered, but if the wall between stage and screen was becoming more permeable, it’s easy to argue that the pandemic has caused it abruptly (at least temporarily) to collapse. Hwang mentions to Miller how both his second and his 19th play (“Dance and the Railroad” and “Yellow Face”) were made into videos, one shown on the Cable TV channel A&E, the other on YouTube. “All this stuff that gets captured and distributed on the Web, it feels to me that this is good for the theater,” he observes. “And if I was the person who could make any decisions, I would feel that we should not restrict people from recording performances on their phones.” Yet he also says, “the live experience is still inherently different than watching something digitally.” Will that attitude change? Has it already? Curious, I contacted Hwang. “I stand by these comments,” he replied, but added: “I feel efforts and experiments in ‘online theatre’ may provide techniques and approaches which will further enhance the live experience when the latter is once again possible.” Miller, an assistant professor of theater at Queens College, City University of New York, has put together 18 Q and A transcripts, arranged alphabetically, from interviews she conducted between October 2018 and April 2019. The writers she selected reflect “a broad definition of diversity” – including in the balance between their onstage and onscreen experiences and identity, from Madeleine George, who at the time of Miller’s interview with her in December 2018 had been a playwright for 25 years ( The Curious Case of the Watson Intelligence, Hurricane Diane), and a TV writer for ten weeks, to Tanya Saracho, showrunner for Starz TV series “Vida,” who tells Miller “ I have left the theater, consciously” (or Tanya Barfield, who tells Miller: “Maybe after my kids go to college, I’ll go back to playwriting. That’s a while off.”) Surely, a few of them would have something to say about our sudden era of online theater.

David Henry Hwang

Jocelyn Bioh

Sheila Callaghan

Kristoffer Diaz

Bash Doran

Laura Eason

Madeleine George

Jason Grote

Jordan Harrison

MJ Kaufman

Itamar Moses

Janine Nabers

Christopher Oscar Pena

Adam Rapp

Diana Son

Tanya Saracho

Tracey Scott Wilson

In one way, then, Miller’s book is the victim of unlucky timing. But in another way, some of the issues that the author does explore are as good a prompt as any to thinking about the current crossbreeding of media and what may be in store. Her well-organized and insightful introduction, for example, begins with the information that Shakespeare’s contemporary Ben Jonson coined the term “playwright” and meant it as a slur – a craftsman, like a shipwright, rather than an artist, and used it not just to insult a rival, but to express his ambiguity about his own playwriting. Writers, in other words, long have felt the tension of straddling between two aspirations — struggling to reconcile the contrast “between art and entertainment, independent and commercial,” “ordinary” and elitist. Miller tells us television’s first Golden Age relied on plays and playwrights, the budding industry seeing theatrical adaptation as a good fit for the medium. Noël Coward’s Blithe Spirit was among the first plays to be broadcast, airing on NBC Television Theatre, in May 1946 to critical acclaim, just three years after the end of its Broadway run. Now playwrights are abundant once again in what for the past two decades has been a third Golden Age of Television, Miller says (arguing unpersuasively that there was a Second Golden Age in the 1980s.) “The Sopranos wasn’t written by playwrights, but The Sopranos [1999-2007] and Six Feet Under [2001-2005] began to create this sort of television you didn’t have to be ashamed of having written for if you were a playwright, and then Six Feet Under, half that staff was playwrights,” Itamar Moses, the Tony-winning book writer for The Band’s Visit, whose four TV gigs include Boardwalk Empire, says in his interview in the book. “So I think there was a ripple out from that, and people in L.A. gradually began to start to see playwrights as a talent pool that they should specifically go after.” “Six Feet Under was the first time I think I understood television as an art form,” Bash Doran, showrunner for HBO’s Demimonde, tells Miller. In his interview with Miller, Hwang offers three reasons why TV has been seeking out writers with a background in theater. Oddly, the first two reasons focus on why TV prefers playwrights to screenwriters: Like television, but unlike film, plays rely on dialogue; like television writers but unlike screenwriters, playwrights are much more comfortable with the collaborative give and take of putting together a production. But his third reason rings the truest: Given the current proliferation of platforms and channels, there are now more than 400 scripted shows on television; in order to stand out, it helps for the writers to have passion and vision. Playwrights are “used to having our own vision of what something should be, and I think that that carries a lot of currency now, where it didn’t as much before.” Sheila Callaghan, co-founder of The Kilroys and longtime producer-writer for Showtime’s Shameless, offers a fourth explanation: “The reason why playwrights are often a safe bet is, they’re cheap, first. They’re cheap until they make a career out of it.” Miller has a few set questions for the interviews, finding out from each and every playwright their childhood TV viewing habits, and how they first got involved in theater. There is extensive questioning about issues of diversity and representation in both theater and television. She also solicits details about career steps that would surely most interest those readers looking for similar careers. Many of the playwrights in the book describe their sharp adjustment to television, but some seem to see it as primarily a difference in process rather than content. There is much talk of the dynamics of the collective writing (the writers room) and often the hierarchy (“Someone else is Santa,” says Moses, “and you’re one of the elves.”) Kristoffer Diaz, who has written about wrestling in his play “The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Diety” and as a writer on the first season of the Netflix series GLOW, sees pitching an idea “one hundred percent the opposite” of playwriting. “I have a commission from the Oregon Shakespeare Festival now. I want to write a play about the basketball players Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain. What about them? I don’t know. Great, you’re commissioned! [Laughs] But television is, ‘Tell us who it’s about, tell us what they’re going to do for five years, tell us who else is going to be in it, tell us who might be able to play those roles, how is this show going to be exactly the same each week but completely different each week, how’s it going to feel, what’s the tone?’ Even simple questions, like, ‘Is it a half hour or an hour?’ ‘Is it on cable or network?’ ‘Which network?’” Such advance planning would be antithetical to Madeleine George’s approach to writing; “for me playwriting is all basically incense and crying and endless drafts, I don’t know how I write a play. It takes me forever.” Playwriting for her is “about addressing whatever I can’t understand at the moment.” The quick pace and hectic schedule of a TV writers room, says Itamar Moses, “taught me I think to be a little bit less precious about my art. Just start, you know? “ Jordan Harrison, whose plays include “Marjorie Prime” and “Maple and Vine,”  sees his experience as writer-producer for three seasons of Netflix’s Orange Is the New Black, as influencing his theatrical writing, but only in an indirect way. “In some ways it’s actually made my theater writing stranger,” Harrison tells Miller. “Because you’ve been working in a certain mode in a writers’ room—it’s got to be sixty-two pages, it’s got to have five acts, whatever the restrictions are—so then when you emerge from the tunnel of your TV season and there’s no one but you in an empty room, you want the play you make to be something that could only be a play. Or I do.” He illustrates his point by talking about his play The Amateurs, about a 14th century traveling theater troupe trying to survive the Plague, a play I happened to see.  It struck me that The Amateurs was one of the very few plays – or for that matter, television shows or episodes – that are described at all in Miller’s book, not even in a phrase. When there is some description, it comes from a playwright. The nadir for me may have been when Miller launches into a discussion with Tanya Barfield about an episode on The Americans that she wrote, and doesn’t tell us what it’s about – referring to it as “Travel Agents, Season 4, Episode 7.” Now, I watched that TV series religiously, but I’m not a savant. This stinginess extends to some basic information about the writers. Each interview is prefaced by a brief and largely unhelpful biography that’s indistinguishable from a resumé. Minor pieces of information go missing, which is sometimes exasperating. We don’t learn the age of some of the playwrights who talk about their generation or how their attitudes have changed since they were in their 20s (Was that ten years ago or 30 years ago? Is there a reason why we have to guess?) We don’t learn what TV show Madeleine George was working on. In her conversation with Tanya Saracho, Miller mentions her play “Fade,” but misses the opportunity to point out that it got a fairly high-profile production Off-Broadway in 2017, and that its autobiographical plot paints a severely negative view of both the television industry and of the television writer herself, a clear stand-in for Saracho. Still, if “Playwrights on Television” doesn’t fill in all the blanks I would have liked, it’s often a pleasure and even a revelation to visit with such thoughtful and creative writers. This seems especially true if you have an interest in the specific playwrights interviewed, or are fans of some of the shows for which they’ve written, or if the effect of television on theater, and theater on television, has been an issue that has engaged you — as it has me. In 2013, I wrote an article for HowlRound entitled 8 Ways Television Is Influencing Theater. The eighth way I labeled Theatre as Anti-Television, and explained that the greatest influence that television has had on theatre may be “the push it has given theatre artists to create something that will drag TV watchers out of their home and turn them into theatregoers.” Miller cites that article in a footnote in Playwrights on Television, and reduces my 2,500 words to a single sentence reference: “Jason Grote, one of the writers interviewed in this book, questioned the puzzling tendency of some theater artists to try to compete: ‘When we’re competing with movies and TV, we’ve already lost. Yet many critics continue to pit live performance against television, or, as one critic put it, “Theatre as Anti-Television.” Is “many critics” a typo? It’s not critics (at least not this critic) who did the pitting; I quoted three playwrights – Theresa Rebeck, Ann Washburn and Itamar Moses — as making the point. What Moses told me: “How good TV has become at doing a certain kind of character-driven long-form storytelling really throws down a gauntlet for playwrights, and challenges them to answer the question, with their work: What can only theatre do? What can’t we get anywhere else? And there’s no one answer to that, but it challenges every playwright to try to come up with theirs.” What would Itamar Moses say now? There is a hint In his interview in Playwrights on Television, when he talks about  “the fragmentation of the market,” pointing out that no show has the reach that network television used to have, “so the new model is to try to hyperspecifically reach every niche.” But I wanted to know directly. So I contacted him, read him his quote from 2013, and asked whether the current era of lockdown and exclusively online theater will have any lasting effect on the theater, and on the relationship between theater and television. “Will the ‘merging’ (if that’s the right word) continue after the world-wide crisis is over?” Here’s what he said: “I think the long term effects of this period on theatre are very very hard to predict and that many of those effects will be on the institutional side or business side of theatre. But to the extent that it can affect the art-making side I think it’s important to clarify that what’s happening right now isn’t truly a “merging” of theatre and television so much as it’s an expansion of the definition of theatre. Sure, people are trying to figure out ways of presenting theatre, remotely, over screens right now, but it isn’t the absence of a screen that makes something theatre. “Theatre is when something is performed, in real time, for an audience that is also watching it in real time, while gathered in the same space — and all that’s really happening right now is an expansion of the definition of what we mean by “space” to include virtual space. “Which is to say that even live television — SNL, say, or those musicals they’ve been doing lately — are only theatre for the people in the room where it’s happening, not for the home audience, because we’re not in the same space. But they would become theatre — virtual theatre — if all those watching entered the same virtual space as the performers while it was going on. It’s our awareness of the aliveness and presence of the actors and our fellow audience members that makes something theatre and if being present together in a virtual space is the form this moment demands then we will, by necessity, develop techniques for maximizing the power of that form, maybe allowing it to become a legitimate off-shoot of theatre in its own right. (And of course this will in turn affect the institutional side of things as well, because it’s so much more efficient and cheaper.)”

  Playwrights on Television: Conversations with Dramatists When David Henry Hwang was first starting out as a dramatist, there was an “indivisible wall” between theater and television.

[ouraidengray4]

The One Major Change That Totally Fixed My Insomnia

When I say I suffer from insomnia, it's more that, for a while there, insomnia completely took over my life. To fight it, I tried melatonin, over-the-counter sleep aids, cough syrup, you name it. Nothing worked. I found myself tossing and turning until 5 a.m., sleeping until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, sitting down for work around 3, then working well into the evening. Rinse and repeat.

And I'm not alone in this.

Twenty-five percent of Americans suffer from acute insomnia every single year, according to a University of Pennsylvania study. Seventy-five percent of these individuals recover without developing chronic problems, characterized by at least three sleepless nights a week for three or more months. But of the 25 percent who experienced "acute" insomnia, only 6 percent eventually developed "chronic" insomnia.

EDITOR'S PICK

I found myself swallowed whole by chronic insomnia earlier this year. From February to July, my sleep patterns got progressively worse until I was exhausted, totally unable to concentrate, and subject to wild mood swings. My work and my friendships suffered. I was scared I might never be able to recover.

In one of my late-night YouTube binges, popping from cat videos to TED Talks and everything in-between, I stumbled upon a video: "Waking up at 5 a.m. is changing my life," made by witty, insightful YouTuber Jordan Taylor (known for his work on the Blimey Cow channel). "One day, I had just reached my breaking point. I had had enough. I couldn't do this one more day," says Taylor, who hadn't suffered from insomnia but was intensely addicted to his cell phone—so much so that it began to adversely affect both his personal and professional life. "I was starting to lose my mind," he said. "Honestly, I started to completely hate myself, and I realized, at that point, that the habits I had picked up over time needed to stop completely."

These words hit me hard. I had reached my own breaking point, and it was time to make changes in my life. I needed to hold myself accountable.

Taylor was a good guide. I began to reassess my bad habits, including being glued to my phone, and started to make conscious choices to end them. And then Taylor shared that in one of his own YouTube binges, he'd discovered a video of a Navy Seal named Jocko Willink. "Why would you not wake up at 4:30?" Willink says in the video, an interview with Business Insider. "No one else is awake yet. So that gives me the opportunity to do things that I need to get done."

I knew I needed to overhaul my sleep schedule to achieve eight hours, so I set my alarm for a brisk 5 a.m. that night. When the refrain of Hilary Duff's "All About You" rang in my eardrums that first morning, it wasn't even all that hard to get up. I sat up, stretched, yawned. "This is way easier than I thought," I whispered to myself. I turned off my alarm and rolled feet-first out of bed. It was as if my body and mind were already energized at the prospect of what an earlier day could bring.

Dolly Parton would be proud. I stumbled my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. I pulled my unicorn-and-rainbow mug from the cupboard and made my way to my front porch. Perched on the stairs, I took in the morning air with relish. The birds weren't quite awake yet, and I allowed myself to breathe in the scenery around me.

That first morning was life-changing. I hadn't gotten up that early, so willingly and without much complaining, since I mistakenly signed up for an 8 a.m. biology class my freshman year of college. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Five a.m. just makes total sense, and I began to wonder why it had taken me so long to make such a bold, drastic change.

When I sat down to prioritize my day, I realized I wasn't taking care of myself in meaningful, long-term ways. I had to closely examine bad habits, including not drinking nearly enough water, not eating proper meals, and ignoring my body's signals.

Over the course of the next six months, I learned to hold myself accountable. Keeping a tight—even strict—schedule hasn't been an easy transition, but it has given me more control over my life. I'm able to walk away from each day knowing I gave it my all. I'm not just surviving day-to-day; I'm building a life worth living through healthy thinking.

Now, I mostly wake up… happy. I feel more alive than I have in a long time. As Shonda Rhimes writes in her 2014 memoir, Year of Yes: "Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be."

If you want something to change, you have to change it. I began a new life more than six months ago, and I haven't looked back. Here's what my schedule looks like now:

5 a.m. Wake Up. Before the sun, even.

5-6 a.m. Coffee and Meditation. When the weather is warm, I can sit on my front porch and listen to the birds wake up. Even in the cold weather, it's still a blissful hour for caffeine and clearing my mind for the day.

6-6:50 a.m. Exercise. I begin my exercise routine with some simple stretches, jumping jacks, and yoga poses, followed by a few dozen loops around the neighborhood.

6:50-7:30 a.m. Reading. For the longest time, I sucked so hard at reading, and it's not like I wanted to. I never seemed to find the time to crack open those books collecting dust on my shelf. But getting up super-early has propelled me to plunge back into one of my favorite pastimes. A book a week seemed like a massive task, but now I find it actually pretty easy to accomplish.

7:30 a.m.-8:15 a.m. Get Dressed and Have Breakfast. I often cook up scrambled tofu on a bed of spinach, alongside a slice of toast with raspberry jam and/or peanut butter. I feel like a warrior armed to slay the day.

8:15 a.m.-Noon. Work and Projects. Stomach full and mental health in check, I can whip through projects with precision. My focus is clearer and stronger, and what was once a daunting to-do list has turned into a game. And now I take a water break between projects.

Noon-1 p.m. Lunch. Since I began eating at predictable intervals, my body has never been happier. And not feeling rushed to move on to the next task creates an extra sense of accomplishment too.

1-5 p.m. Work and Projects. Time is just less stressful when you wake up early. When 5 p.m. comes, I feel a sense of pride that not a single second of my day has been wasted. I can finally breathe.

5-7 p.m. Decompress, Make Dinner, and Cat Time. Once I made a vow to sign off from all work promptly at 5 p.m., I had even more time in the evenings for replenishment and self-care. That's where my three cats Jake, Olivia, and Fitz, come into the picture (also catching up on Orange is the New Black).

7 p.m. Do Not Disturb. To help soothe insomnia and stress from the day, I laid down a strict 7 p.m. "curfew." I either turn off my phone completely or put it on Do Not Disturb for the rest of the evening.

7-8:30 p.m. Tea Time. Honey vanilla chamomile tea is my jam. I also like to take some time to meditate and listen to vinyl records just before bed.

Bed by 9 p.m.

Look, a 5 a.m. wake-up isn't for everybody. Even if you vow to get up 15 or 20 minutes earlier than you usually do, you'll be shocked at what you can accomplish, and you can start your day with a calm, determined resolve to live your best life. Try shutting off a couple hours before bed—I mean, completely detach your mind and body from the tragedy in the world and what's happening online. Clear the clutter, remember that each day is a new beginning, and get ready to be made into someone even better. You can do this.

Jason Scott is a writer based in West Virginia. Itching for creative freedom, he founded his own music-discovery site called B-Sides & Badlands, which specializes in long-form writing and cultural criticism. If you enjoy kitty pics and being woke, follow him on Twitter.

from Greatist RSS http://bit.ly/2HvAMss The One Major Change That Totally Fixed My Insomnia Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://bit.ly/2sG1fJA

[oovitus]

The benefits of overindulgence. (And the 4 key lessons that eating too much can teach you).

New clients often come to us feeling guilty and weak after a holiday season, a vacation, or a long weekend of overeating. Our response often surprises them. Because we know that there are some surprising benefits of overindulgence and key lessons that eating too much can teach.

++++

Thanksgiving. Valentine’s Day. The first big summer BBQ. A family reunion at the beach.

Throughout the year, new clients come to us feeling guilty and terrible about eating (and drinking) too much at [insert the latest festivity here].

With a cocktail of regret, shame, and resolve to “do things better”, they tell us how “bad” they’ve been. And how ready they are to shape up once and for all.

Our response often surprises them.

Because it’s not, “drink water” or “get more fiber” or “focus on clean eating”.

It’s actually:

Maybe you needed to overindulge.

Record scratch.

Why would a health, fitness, or wellness coach ever say that?

Because overindulgence has several important — and vastly underrated — roles to play in the bigger picture of health, fitness, and nutrition.

Here are four of them:

Lesson #1. “Slipping up” is a necessary part of change, progress, and success.

We often imagine change or “progress” as a linear graph, like this:

Every day, we get better and better, until eventually we’re perfect, fit, godlike creatures who’ve Got Everything Together.

In reality, change and progress look more like this:

We wholeheartedly embrace better food choices for a bit, then eat macaroni and cheese for a week, then ace our new habits for a while, and then a business trip throws us off for a minute, then we’re back on the horse…

From week to week or month to month, our cycles and rhythms are like a Slinky (or a coil) that’s been stretched like this:

We try something new and move forward, or upward, bubbling with excitement and energy.

Then we cycle. Life throws us a situation that tests our new approach. Progress pauses, or dips downward, or goes backward.

Up, down, forward, back.

There are a number of perfectly good reasons for this:

Maybe we need to go back to re-open or revisit something — to reconsider an idea that didn’t grab us right away, or address a question we avoided answering when first asked.

Maybe we need downtime — to think, reflect, regroup, reboot, or incubate something new.

Maybe we need to regress briefly — to dip into our old selves or old habits and remember why we are building new ones, like visiting an ex to remember why you left them.

Maybe we need to repeat something — to practice, drill, and/or test our skills under different conditions.

Or maybe it’s that we simply don’t have the skills yet to reach the next level of our progression and, like everything else in life, we need to accept that doing things badly is a necessary precursor to doing them well.

Regardless of the reason, weight loss progress can stop or even go the opposite direction. And that usually happens on the tail end of a stretch where we’ve put our exercise regimen on hold, or dived into a week-long food orgy.

That’s why almost every weight loss graph looks like this.

The trend is headed in the right direction, but the day-to-day and week-to-week fluctuations feel turbulent.

But that’s not because every single person trying to lose weight sucks, has no discipline, and can’t do weight loss correctly.

Rather, based on our experience with nearly 100,000 clients and patients, it seems like dips, plateaus, and everything in between are actually necessary.

Both physiologically and psychologically.

Perhaps that’s why they’re so normal.

Which leads us to…

Lesson #2. Indulgence offers an opportunity to ask the bigger questions (and learn some stuff).

Our indulgences — even the ones we ultimately regret — can serve as amazing learning opportunities, if we let them.

Oftentimes, new clients feel ashamed when they feel they’ve overindulged. They just want to hide from their “mistake” and “start over”.

Instead, we encourage them to use overindulgence as the impetus for self-reflection.

This practice helps them get into the habit of observing and learning from what’s going on in their lives and bodies (rather than judging and self-shaming).

For example, we might ask:

What job is indulgence (or celebration, or reward) doing for us?

How important is that for our lives?

What kind of person are we when we’re indulging?

What is good about not doing anything differently?

Clients are often (rightfully) confused when we ask these kinds of questions.

“What could possibly be positive about this?” they want to know, pointing to empty ice cream cartons and a recycling bin full of beer cans.

But here’s the truth: We do the things we do for a reason.

That indulgence, no matter how big or regrettable, is doing a job for us. It’s somehow solving a problem for us, even if not very well.

Recognizing how our behaviors serve us — even “bad habits“ like four cocktails with a junk food chaser — can help us put resistance aside, stop hiding, and see things more clearly.

What need is the indulgence is fulfilling?

And what would be a more valuable/health-affirming way to fulfill that need?

Though it might seem counterintuitive, cutting our bad habits some slack and acknowledging what role they play for us, can actually lead to deeper, more lasting change.

Lesson #3. “Sometimes you need to fall off the wagon to want to get back on again.”

Recently, I shared a large, hearty meal with my friend (and PN food photographer) Jason Grenci.

As the meal was winding down — about the time belt buckles started to loosen and regret threatened to creep in — Jay waved his fork in my general direction and, through a mouthful of pickled beets, dropped this insight bomb:

”Nah. There’s nothing bad about this. Sometimes, you need to fall off the wagon to want to get back on again.”

He was right.

Not only is ‘falling off’ a part of change, but it can also make getting back on feel pretty darn good.

Let’s be honest: Few things motivate healthy choices better than waking up with the meat sweats, heartburn, a hangover, or some other uncomfortable form of bodily rebellion.

And even if you feel perfectly fine after having fun, there’s still an intuitive natural shift that winds the party down.

Perhaps taking a short break from more structured, healthy choices allows us to keep making those choices in future.

It’s the way blowing off a workout to sit on the couch, read trashy novels, and drink too much coffee actually gives you that I-can’t-wait-to-hit-the-gym buzz.

Or the way taking a vacation and making full use of the “all inclusive” swim-up bar and breakfast buffet makes you happy to come home, hit the grocery store, and stuff your fridge with green vegetables.

While you might fear that one indulgence will lead to a lifetime of chaos, research shows that we naturally adapt to pleasure in such a way that — assuming we have at least some interest in our own health and fitness, and perhaps the support of a team or coach — we naturally self-correct.

Lesson #4. Healthy indulgence might actually support “deep health”.

Spend a bit of time hanging around Precision Nutrition, and you might hear a phrase called “deep health”.

Deep health means thriving in all domains of life: physical, mental, emotional, social, etc.

Deep health means:

We are physically robust and resilient, able to act effectively in the world and enjoy a high level of physical function.

Our minds are wise, agile, and kind, helping us solve problems creatively and make thoughtful choices that align with our deeper principles.

Our emotions are available to us and used for good — to take action, to signal something that we need to attend to. Overall, our balance of emotions is positive.

We enjoy healthy, strong, affirming relationships and a variety of high-quality social connections.

We are constantly growing and developing, repairing and recovering, strengthening and flourishing, in whatever ways we are able to do so.

With deep health, we are moving in a “life-forward direction”.

By this definition, a “healthy indulgence” is one that is somehow:

meaningful

truly enjoyable

self-fulfilling

life-affirming

We are fully present for this indulgence. We are more alive because of it.

Non-food examples of healthy indulgences include: playing hooky from work to go hiking with your kids, or see that great movie / big game you’ve been dying to see, or get a decadent massage and soak happily in a hot tub.

Conversely, an unhealthy indulgence might be:

meaningless

an empty distraction

self-destroying

life-detracting

An unhealthy indulgence might be going out and getting trashed on crappy-tasting booze that you chug rather than sip, with people you don’t particularly like, who then encourage you to pick up that smoking habit you’ve been trying to kick.

Interestingly, a healthy indulgence often seems to have its own natural resolution.

At the end of a healthy indulgence, we often feel satisfied and content.

Let’s say you’re a parent who works hard, and then healthily indulges yourself with “me” time and rest.

After some delicious sleeping-in while the kids stay overnight at Grandma’s, you pad around the house in your pajamas, yawning happily and lazing over the Sunday paper.

And then you shower, get in the car, and go pick your ducklings up — excited to see them, ready to enter the parental fray again.

You can’t sleep in forever, nor do you really want to. But sleeping in, getting that “you” time, recharges your batteries and comes to a natural end.

Conversely, an unhealthy indulgence often doesn’t resolve. It may even be actively unsatisfying.

We might try to get the “hit” from it over and over with no results, like playing the slot machines repeatedly with no payout, not even enjoying yanking on that lever but feeling driven to do it anyway.

Plus, if we’re caught in a cycle of binge-and-restrict, indulgence can be part of a pendulum that swings back and forth between chaos and rigid order forever.

In this case, “indulgence” might be code for all-or-nothing. You’re either strictly self-monitoring or utterly, bizarrely impulsive and irrational:

ME MAKE CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER WHISKEY CIGARETTE BACON GRAVY MILKSHAKE NOW NOM NOM NOM.

(Of course, compulsive bingeing is not part of deep health and can be hard to break without help from a doctor or therapist.)

In the end, what if we stopped trying to prevent our indulgences, and accepted them instead?

What if we treated “back” or “down” or “off the wagon” periods as a natural and normal part of the entire experience of change and growth?

I mean, look at how commonly people experience these periods. With that level of frequency, isn’t it time we asked whether they’re important instead of just something to tolerate or “get through” on our way somewhere else?

Isn’t it time we examined them, dare I say respected and appreciated them?

What if they turned out to be fuel for our “forward” and “up” periods?

And what if we all ended up healthier, happier, and even fitter, for them?

What to do next: Some tips from Precision Nutrition

Try these next steps to learn to embrace your indulgences in a health-supporting way.

1. Ask the questions.

Consider the following…

What does a “healthy” indulgence look like for you? Why?

What kind of indulgence would enable and promote “deep health” and balance for you?

What kind of indulgence would inspire you, replenish you, and get you back on the path to deep health again?

What does an “unhealthy” indulgence look like for you? Why?

What things leave you unsatisfied, regretful, frustrated, demoralized, and/or feeling “stuck” in negative patterns?

2. Be honest, thoughtful, and grown-up.

Avoid playing mental games like “If I’m ‘good’ then I get to be ‘bad”, or “If I pretend I didn’t eat the cookies, then it didn’t happen”.

Face your behavior with open eyes, maturity, and wisdom.

Accept that all choices have consequences.

Find a framework for reviewing behaviors and consequences, and zeroing in on what’s “OK” and “Not OK” for you, and for the health you’re trying to achieve.

3. Start building a “flight plan”.

Think of yourself as the pilot of your own life, health, fitness, and nutrition. With that in mind, consider…

Where are you trying to get to, and why?

What challenges can you anticipate that might throw you off your ‘healthy’ flight path? What can you do now to prepare for these obstacles and help yourself adapt when they arise?

Who’s your flight crew? Think about who you have (or who you’d like to have) in your life to help you get to where you’re trying to go. We all need support in our lives — so ask family/friends/coaches for help if you need it.

What’s your flight checklist? What systems or strategies do you have to help keep you get back on course after a (planned or unplanned) deviation?

4. Notice the cues and signs that tell you it’s time to correct course.

Ideally, you’ll learn the cues that tell you it’s time to change your path before you’re too far in one direction or another.

For instance:

Perhaps one decadent meal is perfect, but an entire weekend of them will leave you reaching for the Pepto-Bismol.

Perhaps one missed workout every few weeks actually helps you recover, but a string of couch-potato or desk-monkey days will leave you feeling cranky, lethargic, and squashy.

Perhaps a few martinis and some champagne over the holidays feels like celebration, but after the festivities wind-down, those weeknight glasses of wine start to feel like an unwelcome habit…

5. Accept — perhaps even embrace — periods of “back”, “down”, and “nothing”.

Play the long game.

If your general direction is “forward” and “up”, and you are, overall, working on “something”, then maybe cycling is part of the process.

Maybe cycling actively, significantly, helps you.

If you’re a coach, or you want to be…

Learning how to coach clients, patients, friends, or family members through healthy eating and lifestyle changes (including how to accept indulgence) — in a way that supports long-term progress — is both an art and a science.

If you’d like to learn more about both, consider the Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification. The next group kicks off shortly.

What’s it all about?

The Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification is the world’s most respected nutrition education program. It gives you the knowledge, systems, and tools you need to really understand how food influences a person’s health and fitness. Plus the ability to turn that knowledge into a thriving coaching practice.

Developed over 15 years, and proven with nearly 100,000 clients and patients, the Level 1 curriculum stands alone as the authority on the science of nutrition and the art of coaching.

Whether you’re already mid-career, or just starting out, the Level 1 Certification is your springboard to a deeper understanding of nutrition, the authority to coach it, and the ability to turn what you know into results.

[Of course, if you’re already a student or graduate of the Level 1 Certification, check out our Level 2 Certification Master Class. It’s an exclusive, year-long mentorship designed for elite professionals looking to master the art of coaching and be part of the top 1% of health and fitness coaches in the world.]

Interested? Add your name to the presale list. You’ll save up to 33% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

We’ll be opening up spots in our next Precision Nutrition Level 1 Certification on Wednesday, April 4th, 2018.

If you want to find out more, we’ve set up the following presale list, which gives you two advantages.

Pay less than everyone else. We like to reward people who are eager to boost their credentials and are ready to commit to getting the education they need. So we’re offering a discount of up to 33% off the general price when you sign up for the presale list.

Sign up 24 hours before the general public and increase your chances of getting a spot. We only open the certification program twice per year. Due to high demand, spots in the program are limited and have historically sold out in a matter of hours. But when you sign up for the presale list, we’ll give you the opportunity to register a full 24 hours before anyone else.

If you’re ready for a deeper understanding of nutrition, the authority to coach it, and the ability to turn what you know into results… this is your chance to see what the world’s top professional nutrition coaching system can do for you.

The post The benefits of overindulgence. (And the 4 key lessons that eating too much can teach you). appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

The benefits of overindulgence. (And the 4 key lessons that eating too much can teach you). published first on

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Jay Baer’s Top 30 Digital Marketing Blogs

Digital marketing blogs may be numerous, but I find them still to be critical. I’ve been in digital marketing for over 20 years, and the only way you can stay relevant that long is to read A LOT. In digital marketing, if you don’t learn, you die. Period.

Members of the Convince & Convert team all have their own reading lists, based on their interests and their topical expertise. Together, we read nearly close to 200 online publications routinely.

Believe it or not, we keep up with blogs by a familiar and comfortable (for me) method: email. I subscribe via email and read (or at least scan) nearly 50 blogs that way. It’s actually far more than that because several of the sources I devour are actually email aggregators that pull the best posts from many, many blogs. I find that gives me the best coverage.

I recently went through my email for a week and put together this list of the 30 top digital marketing blogs and subscriptions that I consume regularly. If yours isn’t on this list, it doesn’t mean I don’t read or don’t subscribe. I just don’t read it as routinely as I do these others.

Please add your own suggestions in the comments for digital marketing resources I may have overlooked. I’m eager to see which you read, as well.

In digital marketing, if you don’t learn, you die. Period. Click To Tweet Buffer

This blog has gotten hugely popular in a short period of time because the content is fascinating, topical, and useful. Proud investor in this company, am I.

Cassandra Daily

If it’s not #trending, they don’t write about it. Subscribing is like having a focus group of teenagers that you don’t have to feed.

Contently Content Strategist

I’m really impressed with these guys. Solid info every day for the advanced content marketer.

Content Marketing Institute

The powerhouse of the content marketing industry. Strong information and insights, delivered daily. Great job by the CMI editorial team for keeping the quality consistently high on this multi-author blog.

Convince & Convert

Hey, that’s us! I only write one post a week (in addition to a weekly newsletter, Convince & Convert ON), so I definitely read Convince & Convert every day. Subscribe via email here.

Copyblogger

One of the originals, and still one of the best. A must-read, in my estimation. I owe these guys a huge debt, too, because they’ve helped me a lot with my own blog.

CoSchedule

Smart and purposeful content always wins, and CoSchedule does this as well as any of the top content marketing blogs.

The Daily Carnage

Curated marketing news that is handpicked by the Carney team and delivered with just enough snark to ensure it’s opened daily.

Duct Tape Marketing

From John Jantsch and occasional guest contributors, everything that gets published here is worth examining. We work mostly with medium and large businesses at Convince & Convert, but I still learn a lot from Duct Tape and their scrappy, small biz sensibilities.

Econsultancy

Solid, broad-based digital marketing coverage with a research bent. Very strong in global perspectives and trends, too.

GatherContent Blog

In addition to having a terrific platform, GatherContent has also crafted a highly informative blog. It features posts from GatherContent’s own contributors, plus guests posts from experienced content creators, content strategists, content marketers, and more. They’re giving an amazing amount of strategic information away.

{grow}

From my friend the author, speaker, and college professor Mark Schaefer and a good crew of guest writers. {Grow} is a place to find conversations about topics that aren’t covered in the more news-oriented blogs. Also a great example of a multi-author blog that somehow maintains a consistent editorial voice.

Hubspot

Remarkable volume of useful content. Essentially defined what a B2B blog could (and should be). These guys live and breathe Youtility (which is why they are mentioned in my book).

Hootsuite Blog

The Hootsuite Blog is a fantastic example of what it looks like to provide real value and relevance through content. Yes, the blog leans more toward social updates and how-tos, but it also has a mix of everything you could need when it comes to digital strategy advice and insights.

Ignite Social Media

I don’t read that many blogs written by a single agency, but Jim Tobin and the crew at Ignite seem to consistently come up with interesting approaches that I don’t see everywhere else. Bravo! Jim’s book Earn It, Don’t Buy It is full of TRUTH, too. (I got to write the foreword).

MediaReDef

Must-read for media observers. A delicious, curated mix of tech and pop culture. Great trend watching.

PR Daily News

From Ragan, a nice aggregation of posts of interest to public relations folks. Curated from other sources, and some original content.

PSFK

Maybe my favorite email to receive each day (other than Quartz, which didn’t make this list because it’s not about digital marketing). PSFK is like Willy Wonka marketing. Amazing case studies and super interesting experiments from around the world. I find a TON of my Youtility examples for keynote speeches from PSFK.

Readwrite

My preferred tech news, geek, gadget site. Not strictly digital marketing per se, but terrific at keeping me up on broader tech and social media issues.

Six Pixels of Separation

I’ll never be as smart as Mitch Joel, or as prolific. Thoughtful brilliance flows on this blog like water from a tap. The wide topical array makes it such that not every post is for every reader, but stick with Mitch, and you’re guaranteed to receive something worth your attention at regular intervals.

Social Media Examiner

Outstanding tactical coverage of all things social media, from Mike Stelzner and his excellent team. Brings the best of Social Media Marketing World to your inbox all year long.

Social Media Explorer

Founded by my pal Jason Falls, this is a thinking person’s blog of social media and digital marketing issues.

Social Media Today

A powerhouse aggregator site that has more and more content written specifically for it, too. Noise-to-signal ratio can be a little high, but frequently you’ll find interesting concepts, and it’s a very good source of fresh voices.

SocialPro Daily

From Adweek, this daily digest covers the social webs from breaking news to how-to posts. If you only check one source to keep up with the heartbeat of social media, this is a best bet.

Spin Sucks

Outstanding blog for PR folks, with a side order of content marketing and social media. Led by rockstar Gini Dietrich, with help from a great cast of guest writers. Incredibly active community too, similar to {Grow} and GatherContent.

Statista

Info-junkies like me will never tire of discovering new or useful research and stats to plug into blog posts and speaking presentations. Statista sends a Chart of the Day infographic to your email, and offers a wealth of free (in addition to paid) data and infographics on the website.

Think with Google

While not a “traditional blog,” this resource center makes my UX-loving heart happy. With insights and mind-blowing studies galore, Think with Google is a wonderful cross-section of content, design, UX, CX, marketing, and more. It’s an absolute must-read for everyone, no matter what industry or role you work within.

TopRank

Outstanding coverage of content marketing, search marketing, research, and interviews from Lee Odden and his team. Popular, and deservedly so.

Uberflip

Content experience is the name of this game, in both thematics and UX. Uberflip’s content hub mixes short videos with podcast episodes and traditional blog posts. Bonus: the meta experience of getting Uberflip’s best thinking on their own Uberflip hub.

Yext

When everyone, including Facebook, is shifting attention back to local community and location, expect marketing advice to follow. My friend Jeff Rohrs and the team at Yext are one step ahead here providing sound advice for SMB and B2C marketers.

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