#so yeah cant do it this way ever again if i want to maintain my sanity and my scalp

[the-togepi-man]

The boy you (and maybe shawn?) have a crush on

Sure, im a little high and he wont see this since he doesn't use tumblr. Dunno if I'll ever get the chance to tell him all this so

I cant speak for Sean, who I knows really enjoys his company but falls for people a lot slower-

But I think he's a great guy. He's gives off this very aloof vibe, but he's incredibly smart and very sharp with his wit and observations. The first time He, Sean, and I hung out together - those two talked about how they listen to NPR and the Economist in the morning. It was goofy but thats when I first noticed myself getting flustered. He cares about his friends and his relationships very much, as do I. SO while polyamours people don't HAVE to all date each other it's insanely important to me that Sean enjoys their company too

He and Sean also have this rapport and bounce off each other so well that it's just hard to not roll your eyes but get caught up in it. He's got this really cute smile, and when you make a jab at him or catch him off guard his opens his mouth with this goofy smile and his cheeks turn bright red. His eyes also twinkle a little when he gets excited. And even though he doesn't like eye contact, if the conversation is important he maintains it to show how much he's listening. Also after he does his hair - a few hours in to the day the very front of it has one curl that drops down on to his forehead and its adorable as all fuck

He's passionate about the things he's interested in, and even more passionate about staying true to himself. It's very clear that he wants to live his life as who he is, and I think that more people should aspire to do. He puts his passions and his friends first and does his absolute best to make sure he sticks to all the plans he makes with them. When i first asked him to make plans with us, I was thinking "ah yeah he might fade away like everyone else" but then the next day he followed up with plans for a happy hour. When I point out things I am really interested in he asks questions and says "oh we will have to watch that some time" or "or ill have to try that." He and Sean inspire me to try new foods and do new things I normally wouldn't. Sean's helped me grow a lot, but when he and Sean both commit to something I start to see how much I was missing out on

Small break from his personality- he's also SUPER hot. Like just tall, gorgeous, great body, hairy chest, great cuddle buddy, beautiful eyes, comforting smile, and from what I recall a good kisser- among other things.

He has a lot of parts to his personality and every time we hang out I feel like a learn more in a good way. Like every time we hang out it's a new discovery. With that said, he's also not high maintenance. I love going out and doing fun stuff with him and Sean, but I also love that we can just grab some drinks, hop on the couch, cuddle up and watch something together or listen to music together. He puts on songs sometimes that remind me of my childhood and sitting around at my grandparents house listening to my family talk while I fell asleep to the music

That might be the hardest part about not saying all this to him, - but he feels like he really fits right in to place with Sean and I, not like I've ever felt before. And of course I've talked to Sean about all this (Because Sean is the fucking BEST- and someone would have to really be awesome to have an impact on both of us). Anyhow, he just seems like such a wonderful person that we'd both fight the standards of society to have in our lives.

So all in all, I am just glad I can be his friend more than anything. Thanks anon for letting me get this out! It felt good to type it since again, dunno if he will ever get to hear me say it- nor would he need to hear it. He can handle his life on his own- I just hope I get to be a supporting member for the rest of it :)

[iraprince]

I draw significantly better on weed for some reason, I think its a combination of calming my shaky hands n helping with the confidence of my brush strokes. and its not good for my relationship with it. I keep it in check but its demotivating when I know I can skip over alot of the things holding me back with a drug, when I really should do it the hard way through practice. basically re: the other anon, I dont think substances improving your art is something you really want.

yeah, this is something that would be my concern for myself as well. (before i talk too much about it, i do want to clarify that i don't think the prev anon was really barking up this tree specifically! my mind immediately rambled toward maintaining a healthy practice re: recreational drug use bc that's something i'm particularly vigilant about, but anon's question was more about handling mindset in those situations, so tbh in my answer i was already veering off topic a bit).

but, on this topic — and as someone who jokes a LOT about frequent weed use i do think it's good from time to time to be frank about it — yeah, as much as things vary from person to person, i think a piece of advice i Do feel comfortable giving a little more universally is if u are ever in a position where u find urself feeling Bummed Out that you're sobering up, that's probably cause for concern and something worth examining/reevaluating. whether that's to do with specific activities or not it's just something it's good to be habitually alert about imo.

(veering to the side again but: anyone who will not shut up about how weed is ALWAYS 100% SAFE U CANT GET ADDICTED NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN EVER!!!! is being childish and irresponsible and u shouldn't listen to them. u can get addicted to fucking exercise. all habits are worth being thoughtful and intentional abt.)

also — and like based on ur phrasing i think ur already aware of this, i'm just making this note bc i'm a stickler for precise wording + potentially for the benefit of anyone who might read this and get something to think about — i would say i instinctively disagree w the concept that u "should" be doing things "the hard way." practice isn't better bc it's harder; and on the flip side that has nothing to do w why the combo of weed + art doesn't work for u, u know? it's not worse bc it's easier or bc it lets u "skip over" parts of the process; it doesn't work for u bc you've already figured out that the mindset it creates isn't healthy for u and u don't like the way it makes u feel, and that's reason enough on its own. idk, like i said i think ur already aware of that so i don't want this to come off like i'm Correcting u on how ur talking abt ur own exp, it was just something that popped up in my mind right away so i wanted to share the thought!

[grimngore]

Today is April 28th, 2024 and my name is Katelynn and I am holding myself accountable. im not letting myself fail myself anymore.

its not even about food

its about having the discipline and self-control to be able to get to the goal ive always so desperately wanted and then keep it.

its the only way i’ll be happy.

i cant give up now or let myself have anymore set-backs or be stuck, ive put in too much hard work to fuck it all up or stop now.

i never want to lose control or be fat again. in anyways shape or form.

so not only am i gonna push myself to do my best im gonna stop letting the temptation of food get to me.

food is a mere sacrifice, i’d rather be disciplined and say no and feel kinda bummed for maybe 2 seconds than continue living in a body i so desperately hate.

living in a body suffocated in fat.

not being able to have friends because i know that all they notice is the fat on my body and i can FEEL it.

always being played and treated like crap because how could you love a fat fuck ???

but i will not let myself be a fat fuck anymore or ever again.

i wont binge.

i wont purge because i wont have too.

i’ll ⭐️ ve.

i dont care if its hard or if it hurts.

i’ll prove to myself and everyone that i can indeed be thin and stay thin for the rest of my life.

i dont even necessarily care about missing out on food or stuff because in the grand scheme of things is food actually worth it?

no, it’s only a necessity; you eat to live you dont live to eat.

and im tired of the gluttony.

im tired of being the fat girl.

im tired of seeing all that fat everytime i look in the mirror.

im tired of overeating and being a slave to food.

so im accepting that even though food might always be around me, that i myself have the discipline and SELF RESPECT for myself to not give in. And accepting that it’s not a punishment, eating it would be and I dont want to punish myself anymore.

especially because college starts soon.

i have so much time on my hands and im going to dedicate it all to weight loss and cultivating a plan and mindset that will not only help me lose the reat of this weight but then keep it off.

and im tired of eating like shit.

im tired of being fat in everyway. everything about it is horrible.

i NEED to get down to 70lbs and then stay 70lbs.

i’ve always wanted to be thinner, ive always wanted to take up less space, to be seen as a person and not a tub of lard. to be wanted and appreciated and feel confident in my body.

4n4 is quite literally my savior, without her i’d be a waste of life. i’d be NOTHING.

so i’m gonna keep updating you guys about my weight loss and what i eat/consume. my calorie intake and my workouts.

i know ⭐️ving is hard, and the temptation of food is hard as a fatty but i wont let myself be a fatty.

the consequences of giving in and not staying disciplined is far worse than the sacrifice of eating something “good”

so here are my stats!

CW:100lbs

GW: 95lbs

GW:90lbs

GW:85lbs

GW:80lbs

GW:75lbs

UGW:70lbs

i dont “deserve” food. i owe it to myself to say no and just suck it up so i can finally be happy and stop hating myself.

and when i get to my UGW i will make sure i fucking maintain it so i never have to live in a body i hate again.

is it going to take time? fuck yeah. is it going to be hard? yes.

am i going to make sure i do it before college starts? fuck yeah.

[luhhvspandora]

. two stones and a fire .

- I didn't hate him.. I wanted to. God I fucking wanted too, with every bone in my body, with every beated shred of my heart. His stupidly handsome face that sends butterflies beating against my abdomen every time those golden eyes connected with mine., his stupid voice, the way it went low and husky after eclipse. GOD.

 I hated him, I hated him so fucking much that I  𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙙 him.

"you said you 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 me!" I say through pursed brows, staring up into his hazy blue gaze.                                       

                                    "I hate how I cant bring myself to be away from 𝙮𝙤𝙪 anymore."

"what?"                                       "you heard me.. or do I need to show you, 𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡?"

_______________________-

Tonight was like any other night, the communal fire where everyone would drink hand made liquor formed by the hands of the talented women in the clan, how the men and women.. and some teenagers. (specifically lo'ak and Aonung)  would press their lips between the plastic and sip the substance from the cup, how it entered their bloodstream and they began to writhe and dance around the fire, singing and talking amongst themselves through slurred words and blabber.

I saw the effect it had on the people, and I opted out of participating in drinking it, ever. 

Though a certain someone loved it too much, Abit too much that-

"adelinnneeee"    here we go. fuck me, are we doing this again? 

"What Neteyam? don't you have your brother and atoning to pest?" I groaned, entwining my hand beaded bracelet around and around again on my wrist with my fingertips.  sitting down on a log away from the group of people joined together so I wouldn't be dragged into their drunken conversations, but close enough to feel the warmth of the fire against my navy blue skin.

he plopped himself down next to me and I rolled my eyes at his slowed del amour, He nearly stumbled off the log with a "wooop" before sitting himself back up and clearing his throat.

"what're ar-" he turned to face me "what are you doing here by y-yourself, lonerrr" he hiccuped, poking my shoulder with one hand as he placed the other hand on my thigh. I swatted his hand away from my shoulder like it was a little fly, 

annoying.

Now, hear me out. Neteyam sully was a fierce warrior, a possessive man , he held dominance and he was very tough, and very responsible,    wait let me rephrase.. he was responsible 3/4 of the time. There were just some nights where he let himself free of his duties, which I understood, so I let him have at it, but fuck was he annoying. he let himself loose sometimes so much that-

"6, 7, 8-..."  I looked down to him, his head nearing towards my elbow, I pursed my brows to the top of his head, catching a glimpse at his braids with the gold beads hanging around the tiny plats. his pointer finger prompting at the top side of my hand. Was he seriously counting my glowing freckles right now? The mighty warrior, counting glowing fucking freckles ? are you kidding me.

"Neteyam, what are you doing?" I question, my voice dry and tired. I was ready to go home, I was damn near exhausted.

"counting your hand stars" he giggled, the liquor lacing his small chuckle.

I couldn't help but slightly laugh to myself and his stupid fucking acts, though the tiredness was coursing through me and nothing would be funny for long if I let it get the best of me.

I sighed and moved his hand away from my hand, following a sad "heyyyy" from him, assuming he wasn't done counting my glowy freckles. I took his wrist to stand him up with me. he was a good foot taller than me so I prepared myself to catch the big guy if he collapsed onto me, I held his now standing posture with my hands against his shoulders. 

His eyes fluttered open and closed, so I slapped him lightly against the cheek so he could maintain eye contact with me.

"tey, teyyyy hey..listen, im tired, your.. very.. drunk.. let me take you home yeah?" I suggested, idk why I said it, I didn't wanna walk him home but I knew if I didn't somehow get him snug as a bug in his own bed, he'd definitely wake up on the sand tomorrow completely unaware of tonights events.

"mm okay pretty girl" he whisper slurred, my ears perked up at what he said to see if I heard him right. its the alcohol Adeline come on girl.

I rolled my eyes and I took his shoulder and put it around mine and began to head back through the forest with him clinging to the only tug of gravity he had, which were my hands.  Neteyams Mauri was towards the other side of the forest, quite far from the others, so I was happy he'd be able to have his own space and not wonder into someone else's hut.

I was so ready to go home and sleep in my own bed.

he began dragging his feet, meaning I had to substance his weight on top of my smaller frame. I stopped walking and turned to face him, still holding him up  "tey you need to walk man, I cant practically carry you the whole way " I sighed, the droopy part of drunk kicking in now, worst timing seriously.

"ca- call my Ikran ill fl-ly home" he breathed

I scoffed and let out a laugh

"are you trying to kill yourself? you'll fall off it the second you get on it"  I say in between chuckles.

He had no reaction to what I said, probably already forgot what he said.

We continued walking until I saw his Mauri and we walked up to the door, I reached around him and unlocked it with the key he had under the doormat. 

To no suprise he stumbled inside, about to fucking fall over.

"come on, this way" I said, leading him to his bedroom by his forearm.

"wooooop okayyy follow the lea-leader" he hiccuped and fell into his bedroom door with a thud.

" tey, to get through a door you need to open it, idiot" I sighed and swung the door open. he fell onto his bed like a baby falling into a pile of feathers, quite the scene if you ask me.

I watched him cuddle up into his pillow and almost fall asleep instantly, thank god.

I turned to walk out of the bedroom when suddenly-

"stay with me" he groaned, eyes closed and half asleep.

"why?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I don't want to be by myself ads" he whispered.

I scrunched my nose in thought, contemplating whether to stay with him, I decided too, just until I knew he was asleep. id deal with the consequences tomorrow.

"fine" I singsong, "move over though" I laugh, getting into the right side of his bed, neteyam threw himself to the other side and I lay down , staring at the ceiling until he started baby snoring.

------------

Hours surely had passed by now and surely he was gone to the world right now,  I sat up and threw a blanket over myself.

I took a look at him and I couldn't bring myself to leave yet. 

Adeline... wtf are u doing?

I groaned and threw my hands to my head and plopped back down onto his bed, eventually I fell asleep as well, I made a mental reminder to be gone before he wakes up because he will be just as confused as I am.

___

spoiler, I slept through my mental alarm..

"WOAH" he yelled as he rolled over, seeing me laying next to him, my eyes prying open at his un welcoming awakening.

"fucking hell burst an eardrum why don't you" I say bringing my hand to my ear

"what the fuck are you doing here?" he asked, still trying to catch his breath from the fright. and completely, i'm guessing, unaware of last nights events.

this was absolutely the last thing I wanted to be doing at.. hold on what time is it..

7 FUCKING AM...

"don't even start, you asked me to stay here with you" I groaned, sitting up against his bed head.

"yeahhh ads okayyyy, why would I do that" a laugh erupting from his lower stomach, thinking I was kidding.

I stare into his soul, least it felt like it. his smile fading when he locked eyes again with me..

"um no, you absolutely fucking did. last night you were quite literally drunk off your face and I decided id walk you home, as much as I hate you I didn't want you to wake up in the ocean, so when I bought you home you asked me to stay with you." I corrected, not about to take the blame for being here.

"well- I appreciate the gesture but I didn't need you here" he said

"well you did and Im here, I wouldn't be here if you didn't asshole" I spat back, not about to take his shit for the 5945854th time this week.

"watch ur mouth Ads" he groans, glaring at me from the other side of the bed, now standing shirtless.

"whatever neteyam" I said sassyly , im sick of him already and I woke up 2 minutes ago,. honestly maybe I should've let him wake up In the ocean.

"don't push it Adeline, seriously." he demanded, back turned to me now and putting his rings back onto his long fingers.

"push what? not my fault you cant handle your own shit" I laughed, my eyes falling onto a now, aggravated neteyam, burning a gaze through my soul. dropping my smile immediately.

he didn't say anything, just glared and turned back to throw a shirt on. 

I cleared my throat and stood up, about to put my shoes on to head back to the crowded village.

"im going" I state, un needing of an answer because , well, it wasn't a question.

"no your not." he demanded, causally and calm and still with his fucking back turned.

𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙜𝙤.

I leaned my arm on the wall and stopped putting my shoe on . " huh-? yeah I am "

"through a forest by yourself? yeah no, I don't think so "  he said, now sounding more demanding.

"neteyam i'm not a child, im going" I snarl, I can handle myself who does bro think he is.

"seriously cant fucking win anything with you Adeline can I.  go then, good luck" he finally agrees.

"yeah exactly fuck you, whatever" I say annoyed now, turning to open the door but im stopped by his hand falling against the door reaching from behind me. 

"oh for fucks sakes man" I turn around, meeting eyes with a angry neteyam, his hand boxing me into the the wall, his big frame leaning towards me.

"let me out" I say, trying to not be intimidated by him.

"what'd I say about talking to me like that? you sure have a potty fucking mouth don't you" he groans, leaning in closer with every word, close enough I can feel his breath against my ear.

"keep it up  and I won't hesitate to show you who your talking to ,hm?" he whispers against my ear.

what the fuck.

my breath hitches in my throat. awesomeeee, now he's back to his normal possessive self.

"okay- yeah okay s-sorry" I whisper, feeling a wave of relief wash over me as his hand lets go of the wall and I open the door and go to walk out.

"see you at the fire tonight, Adeline" he says, grinning like an idiot at me.

I roll my eyes at him and slam the door on my way out, hoping to get across how frustrated he makes me feel.

I head back towards the village, in my own world, thinking about how he just boxed me in against a wall. 

GOD I hate him. I hate him I hate him I HATE him

Were like  𝙩𝙬𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙖 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙚.

__________________________________________________________________________________

word count - 1961 words - 

OKAY I wrote this so fast fr, I don't see many stories with 3rd person thoughts of the character so I thought id add it,

SHE HATES HIM SM HELP

if you make it down here, thank you for reading, 

ill try and add parts to this as soon as I can, it'll be worth it trust trust.

why's neteyam so DOMINANT CALM DOWN ALPHA

anyways thank you again for reading my first story, ill probs add parts and what not again 🙏

Rory out- 

[cinnaminsvga]

zee exclamations anon here!!! thoughts on min yoongi recently? how’s your emotional relationship with the memory of such an icon of your youth? also how do you feel about the little guy lately? as an artist, does he linger still as a muse? as a person, is he a vase of love still? i was just listening to time adventure from the adventure time soundtrack, and this line “will happen, happening, happened, and we will happen, again and again, cause you and i will always be back then” made me think that past is eternal, and love that once were will forever be when it was, so, it made me think of how in young forever they say “as today’s me, i want this moment to be eternal, i want to be young forever” and how yoongi now says “i want to grow up together” and how it seems it’s different but i think is the same. cause you and i will always be back then. we will grow up together, cause we are already together, cause we were together, so we are young forever. i think hope is just a loooot of love. or i think thats what it costs. like in that paramore song 26 “reality will break your heart, survival will not be the hardest part, it’s keeping all your hopes alive, all the rest of you has died, so let it break your heart” i think youth is so hopeful, and its hard to maintain that much hope as you grow up. it’s hard to see things as you once did, or feel em as you did, cause your heart breaks and things happen. so “i want to be young forever” is just so beautiful, cause its aware of how precious all of it is in that unique moment as everything is, and longs to keep it forever that way, and yet, “i want to grow up together” is the most hopeful thing to say. we’ll happen, happening, happened. some things must change to remain the same. it seems unforgiving when a good thing ends, but you and i will always be back then. growing up is an act of hope. love is eternal. the song ends with “you and i will always be best friends”. so how do you feel it zee?

im gonna be honest anon the way i just went slackjawwed when i saw this in my inbox HAHAH love u and ur little song references its like getting a personalized web weave in my inbox so thank u

hnngnghhg ive actually been rewatching some of his suchwita eps because i miss the little guy... it also massively sucks that he isnt gonna be Around for a bit, but cmon i just wanna see his bald ass head... just give me some excitement in my life... yoongi save me

and yea ofc he lingers as a muse to me... he's literally my ideal type HAHAH its kinda hard not to reference him in anything i write. even writing for other fandoms, i cant help but yoongify them somehow... i just love men who love softly but care so deeply. and yeah perhaps i have yoongi on a pedestal inside my brain and yeah maybe the version i have of him in my head isnt quite accurate but like... ITS HARD!!! NOT TO LOVE THE LITTLE GUY!!! AUGHHGDHG HES MY BEST FRIEND but not like /parasocial more like "hes my childhood imaginary friend that held my hand on the first day of school" sorta thing. he's a part of me, whether anyone likes it or not!!! like a parasite but its kinda awesome even though i think he wants to kill me sometimes. we could be like venom or something (idk never watched the movie).

kinda like how every interest ive ever had in my life kinda never leaves,,, it waxes and wanes but like at the end of the day, a lot of the stuff ive grown to love and maybe forgotten still keep a place in my heart. yoongi is my youth, and i choose to live youthfully for a long time. like ive said before, youth and love and all those sorts of things... its a lifestyle. time destroys so many things but those two stand against its claws. IT IS WHAT IT IS!!! BUT BY GOD, LETS HOLD HANDS WHILE WE'RE AT IT!!! anyway love u anon

[tezzbot]

now I'm curious, what other opinions abt the dub do you have 👀👀👀 me and my friends think karamatsu sounds like markiplier

RAY CHASE BESTIE I AM SO SORRY but no youre rightJKGHFJGH

THIS GOT LONG IM PUTTING A READMORE

i do actually really really like Ray Chase as kara but the way that Nakamura pitches his voice down for him and then when something karamatsu isnt like. prepared for or whatever happens he goes back up into his regular vocal range or sometimes a bit higher really adds to karamatsu's whole. everything HJGKHFJGH LIKE his whole identity pretty much IS performance so even his voice being part of his front is so fun to me, Ray Chase's voice feels so naturally deep and smooth that its like. his voice is Too Cool for kara yknow like his voice being Actually cool? karamatsu fucking wishes JHKGJFGHD BUT i do think he is one of the better choices that the casting directors made compared to the rest of the brothers

(AGAIN NOT SHITTING ON THESE EXTREMELY PROLIFIC AND TALENTED VA'S this is just my opinion of them as the ososan characters)

like i said before i have Absolutely zero qualms with Max Mittelman as Totty literally thats a match made in heaven I think he was perfect for the role n absolutely killed it hes so funny and from what ive seen the writers actually gave him so many good lines big ups for todo likers

Kyle McCarley as Ichimatsu i honestly havent seen much of his performance but god did he put is whole pussy into the one episode where he INSISTS they have to respect each other, hes honestly really really good at maintaining the monotone voice while also conveying a lot of emotion through his voice its pretty impressive that he can do the yellingscreaming while keeping that up, Fukuyama Jun's like. jump from monotone to YEEEAAGHHK when ichimatsu is At His Limit is really really funny so i think that these two are pretty much on par with each other while putting their own spin on how the character . i dont know. expresses himself i guess. poggers :thumbs up emoji i cant use cus im typing on desktop:

in a ranking id prob put Ray's kara here but i already did him so. just. in case u wanted to know this is where he goes to me lmfao hes pretty on par with Kyle's ichimatsu to me tbh

Billy Kametz as Osomatsu honestly worked pretty well osomatsu is the most some guy ever and when u listen its like. a little over the top(obv bc its an anime dub) but its definitely a voice youd hear and go yeah ive probably walked past someone what talks like that, again Great delivery on some lines, he does sound a lot less SillyGoofy #girl... frat bro vibes in there tbh But i mean if he was american i guess he kinda would be huh GHJFGHDF he kinda lost how cheeky he sounds in jp also like there are moments but for the most part :( also the way they wrote him (again i havent seen much but from what i Have seen) he doesnt have the same I Love My Little Brothers energy idk how to describe it they all feel like they hate each other more rghjbhjgh

Sean Chiplock ouygugh im so sorry king but also not it for Choromatsu...... casting directors, voice directors, whoever else is involved in the process, if youre gonna cast around your initial reactions to how the characters are why doesnt he sound like a fuckin nerd!!! i get that hes initally played as a Straight Man but you didnt have to Just Some Dude him make him sound like the loser he is!! even like a little nasally! i also think he sounds a little too much like Billy's Osomatsu, (which again not the va's faults i feel its a voice direction issue) when they talk at the same time its kinda hard to tell em apart which might be on me for not watching enough and getting used to it but... sorrie... no from me

Michael Sinterniklaas i have so much repect for you but.... i already said in that other post, the voice they okayed..... everything he was made to say....... no. thats not jyushimatsu. that fuckin. companion character in some fantasy anime ass voice, his whole deal in the dub is too childish imo and i get why that was their first impression but oough his character suffers so so much for it moreso than any of the others.... they massacred my guy..... and this is absolutely not a dig at Michael, ive seen his other work hes incredibly talented, just everything they got him to do as jyushimatsu makes me take critical damage in real life my hp bar drops so so much

Also i really like Cassandra Lee Morris as Totoko but I feel like she doesnt capture the flip between teehee totoko chwwaaannn and KILL KILL KILL voices that Aya Endou manages, he voice is very cutesy, but i feel like she doesnt sound mad enough when totoko gets pissed WHERE IS YOUR ANGER? YOUR RAGE??? RISE RISE RISE RISE RI

also also Keith Silverstein as iyami is honestly really good i didnt really know what to expect but i feel like hes p spot on, idk how iyami-likers feel abt him though lol ask telly or sth HJGHJ

SORRY this got long but i probably was never gonna be happy with the dub, im not gonna get too much into the writing in the localisation but ough. it is Just a comedy show to the dub writers and i can respect that, but the show means a lot to people Because of the characters and how they clearly run deeper than they appear thats a huge part of the appeal for ososan imo and i feel like a lot was lost in the translation. But! it can be pretty funny sometimes and thats all it rlly needs to be, funny haha penis anime

im gonna try and give the dub another shot, ill do me best to grit n bear through it GHJFG

[galaxysharks]

You ever have shower-thoughts at 2am for a fandom you havent touched in like 5 years? In fairness, Teen Titans was my shit for like 13~ years, y'all i literally ran out of fanfic to read, it was bad.

Regardless, i was snooping on the tags for Raven again and found this mini-lecture on the semantics of Hell!Demon vs DimensionalRift!Demon in dc, and the author mentioned how much more powerful Raven's story is if she is considered to be this inherently evil creature that chooses good despite her instincts that literally radiate #badvibes off of her.

And i began to hear the rattling of genius within my mostly deserted skull. So now Everyone must bear witness to my unraveling.

K so Trigon is pretty much established to be less Demon and more so Demon God, right? And has thusly fecked his way through the dimensional void, spawning his little half-demon babies, yeah?

Our boy's got 7 children, each forming the living embodiment of humanities worst traits. (As explained via convenient Western Religious analogies).

1. Pride

2. Sloth

3. Wrath

4. Lust

5. Greed

6. Gluttony

7. Envy ( full disclosure, took me 15 min to remember this one, which is sad and funny all on its own. Sorry not sorry dude )

Now, daddy-dearest wanna rule the universe, but needs a ride to do it, so he picks one of his kids, and boom, sudden Anti-christ, fair enough, demon-gotta-demon. So Trigon looks at his selection and chooses his only daughter, that'd be our girl Raven.

This is where i propose, Trigon Fucked Up, and inadvertently provided Raven with the only circumstances that would allow her to defy him.

With his other children, he clearly has total control of them, and to be fair Rae does have several altering factor that could contribute to her breaking free, Azarath and Azar's teachings included. But i dont think she needed them, i think she would have gone against him anyway.

Raven is mentioned to be his most powerful offspring, go off girl, but more importantly, those Sins up there, Our girl is Pride. Trigon chose Pride to be his portal.

( Which btw is the most typically pseudo-fatherly patriarchal bullshit and i am kind of here for it. :D )

Anyway, it is important that the sins are not just strong characteristics within these guys, the are the living fundamental expressions of these concepts. Nothing will ever alter who they are or how they are at their core.

Pride is the only sin that could have failed the portal.

Wrath, Lust, and Greed can be warped into believing it served their own goals

Sloth cant be bothered to fight it

Gluttony sees it as an expansion to their need to consume everything

Envy would do it just to prevent the others from getting there first

But Pride fundamentally cannot allow itself to submit to another. It has to come out on top, second best or equal share isnt good enough.

Raven has to fight him, because to do anything else is to war with her very nature, which is impossible. She can do good because the Sins are simply flaws, not in of themselves damning.

Admittedly i misspoke earlier, Dc Demons are not inherently Evil, they are inherently Malicious, ( which if youve spent any amount of time with preteens you know are not actually the same. )

Raven directs her darker natured instincts at bad guys and her father, still maintaining her nature as Pride, after all she is the most powerful Titan, raw power wise, and she knows it. Pride is content without constantly having to prove herself becuse she lacks the Envy amd Greed that usually come with excessive pride flaws.

Whats funny is that Trigons plan could have worked, if he simply wanted her to take over in his stead, rather than do it himself. But he was never going to do that because he is also Pride, and all the others too, and to do so is against his very nature.

[starnightlover]

Hello star, can I confide in you please , I am in need of advice and reassurance

I just raed a post of yours ir was an ask from someone several weeks back. This person talks about struggling to improve their sc and how their siblings are treated better and they are treated like shit. I think they also said they would never wish that on their siblings and how everywhere they go they are ignored and stuff. And I resonate so much with this that I hate to even admit

I know I am the creator and I know about loa and stuff still my sc is bad. I totally get their pain when they said about being treated worse than others. I know how shitty it feels. I will tell you about yesterday we went to a party and met other family members abd all that and again my sister went along with my other cousins and I am awkward and nervous coz its always been this way. If I try ti say something everyone acts like it was stupid or just ignores. Then one of (my cousins husband came along saying to my sister "she us my fav sis in law" and introducing her to everyone around calling her his fav. I know its such petty and stupid things to even think about but I felt really bad I was right there. My mom always sides with her and talks oo me like shit a lot if times.

I remember once 2 or 3 years back I was sitting on my couch and I said my skin looks so dull and then my dad said out of nowhere stop being jealous and youll be fine { he meant it pointing towards my sister as if I was jealous of her and he said in a way more mean and rude tone. Idk how to express that feeling but I was so shocked as it was so random. Back then I had none of these problems. I didnt even care if anyone treated my sister better than or shit like that. I was fine in my sc and had fun wherever I would go and life was so much better. My parents were the only ones who would compare me to my sister and say look at her does she ever demand for stuff or does she refuse to do this and blah blah and at that I time I could have cared less coz I knew for a fact that I was not wrong in voicing my opinions and thats why they always compare me to her (if I ever felt bad about their behaviour and expressed it to my parents they would call me toxic, or my head is filled with negativity while all I was doing was letting them k ow how hurtful their words can be ). I remember that day when I heardmy dad say that about me it hurt me so bad idk how to explain but even today when I recall it feels like I am getting physically stabbed AND after that I got so concious of every little thing I started comparing myself to ger and with all the circumstances I went through these years my sc just got even worse.

Now when I try to work on my sc I feel like I cant be the best, or good enough , or the most beautiful or all those things I want because I dont deserve it yeah but my sister does. I am stuck at home so I have to face this everyday. Like all these things are reserved for her. All I wamt to have is the best sc I dont want my sister to experience any shitty stuff and I dont want to be the one to experience it either. I sometimes get so angry on her in my mind and I just get irritated and I hate being with her coz I dont want to feel less than and looked down upon and then I feel guilty for feeling this way.

You might dislike me for saying the things I did but I really dont know how to get rid of all this. I dont want to be ignored or sidelined or treated like some third or 4th option or always getting shit from my parents. I know I have to affirm and persist or states but how do I even maintain it seeing the 3d it all feels like such a lie to me.

I see so many people manifesting weightloss and df and db and so much more. Even people who say they were horrible at manifesting and stuff like that they did it so quickly and I struggle to even manifest biscuits.

First off, I want to say I am so sorry you have gone through these experiences! You deserve the world and nothing less, hell you deserve the whole universe/multiverse! You wanting to change your self concept is a huge step! I know you are in hard circumstances but you are still in control, you are still limitless! You can manifest anything you can ever think of!! You are NOT limited whatsoever! You're amazing, talented, beautiful, worthy, loving, extraordinary just because you exist! You are the first choice because this is your reality! Pick yourself up and know you are chosen because you said so!! Recognize your limitless power! You have the power to bend all of reality t your will, realize how amazing and powerful you truly are! YOU ARE THE GOD OF YOUR REALITY!! Isn't that amazing? Don't blame yourself for everything that has been told to you or that you have gone through, you are not your trauma! I advise you to not identify with the 3d! The 3d is merely a reflection of your imagination. You fulfill within your imagination and the 3d has no choice to reflect that. Your emotions don't manifest, feel them all you want! Cry your eyes out, as long as you are not identifying with the outside world but with your imagination, which is the true reality you can not fail! YOUR DESIRES ARE INEVITABLE!! Nothing, I repeat nothing has control over you! Not your family, not your friends, not your 3d, not a single thing has any power over you! Failure does not exist you will always win! You can change your self concept by starting to identify with what you desire and not the unwanted circumstances! Change your conception of self because the world is merely a reflection of thyself. Change your assumptions towards manifesting! Change your assumptions to you always get what you want, people treat you amazingly, you are always the first choice, you manifest anything instantly! You need to change your conception from having such assumptions and identify with your power and awareness! You can maintain a good self concept by persisting in the dominant assumptions that align with your self concept being at a peak! Remember you are in control, you got this!

[goremet-chef]

being friends with me sucks because i will never ever send the first message unless ive like. slept in the same bed as you (AND EVEN THEN ITS HARD ive known these bitches for 10 years why am i still nervous to send them dms specifically KSJFS)

(ramble)

i think dms naturally just make me anxious because then i have to do smalltalk in a private setting? god i hope not, im really awful at carrying a conversation. ive done my best to like... get better but its hard to keep track of things. im the kind of loser who looks shit up like "how to keep a conversation going" its real bad

but oh man, do i wanna talk to someone? absolutely. bouncing my leg biting my nails type shit the urge inside of me to reach out, the urge is strong but the anxiety is stronger SKFJSF

like many things it sorta comes from bpd too? ive got such a crippling fear of rejection, of not being wanted or not being welcome, that shit will keep me away from ANYTHING i dont care we could be roleplaying hot gay sex every day if i get the idea that there could be some reason im not wanted at that moment i CLING to it and i will never speak to you again unless you start it. its. humiliating and EMBARRASSING but.. its just how my brain works.

it makes me feel awful too, cuz i dont like.... there is a very real chance that if you tell me something and its not clear what you mean, or its blunt, short etc. ive heard people with trauma often take neutral cues and negative and that is so fucking true for me my brain immediately is like "oh you pissed them off lol" and im just. sat with dread because I KNOW ITS NOT REAL, i know trust me i know. i know my brain is making it up and everything is fine,

i used to ask for clarifications, but i learned to stop doing that because it makes me sound even crazier. they mean shit normally, so i cant ask "are you mad at me, did i do something wrong?" cuz it freaks em out like??? no nothing is wrong tf (and even that reaction alone could cause my brain to double down. its EXHAUSTING).

THAT ALONE will keep me away as well, i hate feeling like a burden, and big surprise lots of people think of borderlines as burdens. yippee. this is technically fine though? i dont make many friends to begin with, or well. i dont MAINTAIN them i think i make them a decent amount but i guess.. in my head, if you are my friend, yr my friend forever. like unless we specifically part ways, i will always think of you fondly. doesnt matter if we havent talked for weeks, months, years. ill think of you and go "oh yeah, that person is my buddy :]"

UNFORTUNATELY i dont know anyone else who thinks this besides me, which means theres probably lots of "friendships" in my head that are now one sided, bummer. idk it sucks, i have dreams about that kinda shit, where like... my friends from middleschool, id come home and theyd be happy to see me again and tell me how much they missed me, but thats just fantasy 😔

[pensarecool2]

#i hope its not weird but it was very interesting learning about your sight#i have to wear glasses#and sometimes i see spots and stuff and its annoying#those fake fix classes bullshit are such bullshit#i remember a while ago my grandma tried explaining to me that i needed to want to be able to see properly to not need glasses#i can barely make out anything more than 3 feet away from me#thats not on purpose#my grandma literally told me to eat more carrots so i didn't have to wear glasses#i cant#ableism Not weird at all! I'm glad it was interesting to read! I always say that joke from that one old contacts commercial "I have special eyes." lol my retired optometrist lOVED when i came in because my eyes are def a unique case and he told me based on my history of prescription lenses, I can detect quarter axis changes in my astigmatism. most people dont detect it usually unless it has changed at least half, if not all the way on the axis. so the fact i notice quarter changes meant that I had to get prescriptions every 6 months, but since then it seems my eyes have slowed down and i am able to retain my glasses for a year before needing new ones. I am actually due for new glasses bc my left lens' coating got messed up so there's like, splotches on the lens but i can barely see out of that eye anyway! so it hasnt been a pressing issue. i have heard the carrot thing as well many times. And YEAH SEE like some people truly believe that you have to make the decision to see, or like your grandmother, you have to WANT to see. and they will tell you even if you say youve tried everything, these coaches will basically gaslight you into thinking you just aren't trying hard enough, even if you are trying your best.

it just isnt possible lmfao I hope one of these Dumb asses actually has a vision problem one day, i wouldn't wish blindness on anyone but when their eyes start to deteriorate due to aging and suddenly they need reading glasses, what are they going to do, say no? Say that they have the willpower to see? If so, the migraines are on their part and no one else's. God forbid one of these idiots has a kid one day who needs glasses but they refuse to get them glasses because they want to try to take some sort of holistic approach to vision??? tell their own child they just have to believe to see. And force them to go through a lifetime of never having their vision checked. What if one of these people has a totally blind kid? you gonna tell them they just need to believe to see, do you know how heart wrenching it is to think that it could be that easy LOL because my eyes have had the max amount of physical surgery on my eyes and I am still half blind. The only case I have ever heard of where someone miraculously gained sight was someone who was blind due to psychosomatic reasons, but once the trauma was dealt with, they had vision again. but even in that case, if you are psychosomatically blind or deaf (hell you can be psychosomatically diabetic) it is just as real as actually being blind or deaf and cannot be controlled. Diabetic alters will actually be diabetic and may need to take insulin to maintain the body's health when other alters do not have the diabetes.

(the truth is in that case, the body is diabetic but it is psychosomatically sectioned to one alter who has to take care of it.) It only goes away if it is being caused by a particular part, or parts who work their stuff out and stop sending out psychosomatic stressors. Even then, it may not improve. Belief and willpower have absolutely NOTHING to do with the eyes and i wish these people to step off of a cliff. ... into something soft but like still.

There's a lot of people who probably shouldn't be parents.

[seilon]

i know i havent been checking my messages for like two weeks. dont ask me why i dont fucking know either dude. i really dont know whats wrong with me i really dont know why im like this. believe me if you think you're the only one ive ghosted recently you're not. its everyone. literally everyone. no reason whatsoever. its very easy to do when you literally have no friends that see you in real life ever and havent seen anyone more or less since december of 2021. so like. yeah. whats anyone gonna do? no ones going to come to my fucking door to see if im okay or just to break into my isolated nightmare box. no one has an interest in doing that. ive had to plead to get anyone to consider seeing me and theres really no point and its not their fault either because it is a major inconvenience because i am so so so far from anyone and its so so so much easier to just. not try to get anyone to do anything. its so much easier to exist in stasis even if it kills me. like i said no one will do anything about it. nothing will stop me from slowly destroying myself. i wont stop me either. i hate every task i have to complete and everything in my life that could break my constant nothingness despite the fact that i hate my constant nothingness at the same time. there's no way to win and theres no way out and theres no point to anything. really seriously no point. the further removed i get from everyone and everything the easier it is to fade away completely if i so choose. im basically there already. i wish i'd do something drastic to myself to make the world feel real again and to make my life feel like it has any kind of real odds to it and a selfish disgusting part of me wishes i would because of the oh so common reasoning of getting people to treat me like i have any importance instead of me always having to beg pathetically for anyone's attention in real life. i exist almost solely in my own head these days. im only able to handle fiction and i bury myself so deep in it that maybe, hopefully i can forget my life as a real person, and i can feel things even if they're for stupid imaginary reasons. its been like this for a long time but its to an extreme right now. i dont want to remember who or where i am. i dont want to be reminded i exist and the world exists around me. i dont remember what its like to have friends in my everyday life that i dont have to worry about disappointing or annoying or embarrassing. its been so long. much longer than just the time since ive moved. its been at least a few years. it seems nice, thinking back on past experiences, at different times in my life. but unfortunately it doesnt seem like i was built to maintain friendships, let alone to make them. i'm manufactured to fail or sabotage myself. i am built to be unlovable, regardless of who may like me on the internet, or like me on a shallow level otherwise. anything deeper than that has lead me to more pain and complication than if i didnt talk to anyone at all, so i guess it makes sense why i'd end up here.

my relationship is doomed and has been for a while now, and i cant make myself care that much anymore. he doesnt talk to me and i dont talk to him. he doesnt know what i do and i dont know what he's doing, other than that he has a life and people he cares about more than me on an everyday basis by a long shot. hes almost a stranger to me at this point. he wouldn't notice if i was fucking dead unless someone were to contact him about it however long after the fact. i know this because i havent spoken to him in days if not weeks and he couldnt care less. i am not a part of his life anymore and i cant help that. i've numbed myself to it for now. who knows what my mind will think of it on some other day but as it stands right now i dont know him and i cant push myself any longer to try and be a part of his life when he clearly does not care if i am or am not. he very easily can exist without me and has been doing so for quite some time. he has other people, i dont. that's just how it is. im not a good person to put faith into in a relationship in general, friendship or otherwise, because just look at me. ive ghosted everyone i know for like two weeks for no fucking reason and with no warning or explanation. i dont even know what the explanation is. i am fundamentally empty and with the bleakness of everything over the course of the last however many years i've given up hope that that emptiness will be filled in a more than superficial way. in a more than fleeting way. no one's going to do anything for me. there's no point. theres nothing in it for them. why would you go out of your way for a husk of a person who cant give you anything of value in return. whos not reliable or stable in any way shape or form. who cant function like a person no matter how many fucking antidepressants and stimulants and whatever the fuck else he takes. writing all of this i feel like a normal person would be crying. i feel like i would be crying at some point prior in my life. but i havent at all, nor have i felt any urge even close to doing so. i think that tells you how empty i am and how much i am resigned to whatever this is. i've wasted three years of my life rotting in silence and solitude, why think anything's going to change? and what's worth changing anyway? again, there's really nothing here to salvage. i wonder how much time i have left in me to just sit here and hate everything and dissociate and dissociate and dissociate because at this rate i doubt its much.

i'll go find something to distract myself with like i always do. spend my time on mundane tasks because they're reliable and take up space in my otherwise empty life. i doubt i will do anything productive that involves thought. i want to avoid everything more. i hate myself for it and i hate my life for it. i dont wish to die so much as i wish to not exist. they overlap of course but i feel the need to clarify that because its less about self loathing and more about the loathing of life as a whole, existence as a whole. it's not meant for me. i am not built to be sustainable. my head hurts.

[chim-chim1310]

*long jk-related ask so pls just ignore if you're uncomfortable*💃

maybe it's because i mostly feel annoyed at jk now, but i find him doing a wlive naked...cringe and over the top. for sure others enjoyed it and drooled after him, but i saw the clips and i was like 'yeah go all out to support your cool fratboy image'. yeah hes just chilling in his bed, but he's been doing those kinds of thirst-trap lives even before seven was released, and i believe he's doing that because of his image rebranding. drinking and passing gas while on live, sleeping with a candle lit (very irresponsible); sleeping in his bed but in y/n pov. those are intended for him to look 'cool' and like a cant-be-bothered, seductive man (uhm, eww). it's the same with the recent wlive, and he's going all out. i feel like he's trying too hard.

The live is also interesting because he gets to do two things at once: to continue the y/n agenda and to show how tight his bond with jimin still is (congrats jikook shippers, y'all have a new reason to use to ignore everything else). dont get me wrong jimin and jk have always had the silly and flirty dynamic, which is why they have die-hard shippers in the first place. we've seen it and they are just showing it there.

what makes me raise my eyebrows though is the timing. those hashtags have been trending in twt before that wlive and him going on live later on is a bit sus. even if he doesn't look at the trends, there are people (staff, friends, members) who could've informed him abt it, which may have prompted him to go live. it's not impossible at all. it could distract people and pacify things a little bit, and i guess it's working.

make it what you will but JK's actions are more sus now considering all that's happened. i mean what's the better way to pacify people? please them and show that everything is fine.

jimin responding to him on live doesn't really surprise me. it could be that he has time so he commented. it's not out of character for him, but may also be a way, again, to pacify things. i mean those tags are about him and it's his fans (& some armys) trending it after all. maybe he wants to do something about it. im not blaming jimin at all, i honestly think it's smart.

you can also look at this in a fanservice aspect (for both of them) because admit it or not, it has always been there. BTS doesn't necessarily need to do it because they're famous now and truly have good bonds, but they still engage in it from time to time to pacify fans and maintain their image. jikook interacting in the live can be them genuinely being good friends while also using the chance to ease things a little bit. it doesn't mean that they're being forced to do things though, but that they're doing it on their accord to at least control the situation.

unfortunately, the live can only distract people for so long. questions and outrage will continue because of the company's continuous inaction and shady behavior toward jimin. it won't ever be enough.

sorry for the long ask, but given all that has happened, i can't avoid second-guessing everything that jk does now. i can't stop speculating on some things.

i can be wrong about some things of course, but the live did not squash my displeasure for the company and jk's involvement in everything. he and jimin may be fine with each other, but that does not excuse all that has been happening.

I understand where you're coming from.

And I still very much dislike jungkook and think he's part of the reason for jimin's sabotage. That had happened and we can talk about it.

But that doesn't mean we have to be negative about him all the time. We can have fun if he's doing something funny.

But this live..... Idk it just didn't seem like some practiced skit to me.

It was so random. Didn't look planned at all.

Yeah there could be a high chance that he came live to distract people or make the situation better. Like after the festa dinner when they talked about hiatus and then jk came on live to settle things down. But that was a big thing.

This on the other hand is hard for me to believe that he came live for distract people. It's not out of character for jungkook to come live at random times like this. So I didn't really think much of it.

I believe it's looking too deep into things. Not everything has to be related to the company politics you know. To me it looks like he just randomly came live like he always does and jimin commented on it because he felt like it.

Not all of their moves has to be so calculated. Nobody thinks THAT much.

Assuming that jungkook or anyone has such calculated thoughts like that before doing the most mundane thing is not realistic to me.

Also for the shirtless thing. Yeah it could be cringe. I've said this before he's trying too hard to be cool. But then again it's none of our business. It's his body at the end of the day. He can show it off if he wants to.

For people who are attracted to him, it's like heaven right now. People who are not attracted to him just don't care.

I think we shouldn't say stuff like that. It's like people telling girls to wear decent clothing because if they wear short clothes then they're attention seeker and I'm strongly against it. I won't be a hypocrite and say the same thing to a man because I would be so pissed if some man said that to me.

It can be agreed that he's trying to be cool but it's not harming anyone so idc at least he's not talking shit like he was doing recently. So that's progress ig.

[haitanisbug]

It may be controversial but this is why i'm leaning more towards team green in the show (i didn't read the books yet😭)

Like yeah alicent totally isn't an angel and 100% right but imagine getting married and forced to have kids right away while literally being a teen, being thrust into this whole political mess bc of your father and then you have to watch the family thot parade around and showcase her bastards while still maintaining the claim to the throne for herself and her kids

I'm sorry rhaenyra, i love her and all her boys very much but she fucked up like....major time and say what you want but everyone was right the they were bastards and alicent as a queen just wanted her child, a legitimate one, to have the throne

And don't get me started on viserys bc boy he fucked up magically and that still an understatement

(Also please not that i'm not arguing with you or anyone and these are just my thoughts and i'm not starting anything with anyone😭)

lol i understand you're not trying to start a fight LMFAO. i ennjoy talking about media, even if there is differences of opinion so thank you for being respectful about it! Answer is under the read more. (also opinion entirely based on the show since i too have not read the books lol).

The reason I have qualms with Alicent and, im more in support of Rhaenyra is because Rhaenyra got completely fucked over too. She never wanted to get married to Laenor either, and they even TRIED having kids, several times! But it never worked and rather having no children at all, I think Rhaneyra's affair (other than just seeking her own pleasure) was also to preserve her bloodline in someway. Alicent sees this, is and is not only angry because of the way it reflects on her family and the crown (which is selfish lets be honest) but I do think there was jealousy within herself. Alicent knew that she couldnt ever seek an affair because of her station (shes just married to the king and not a true targaryen), she'd be executed for having an affair while Rhaenyra is protected by her station (heir to the throne) and her name (a true targaryen.) So I absolutely believe that part of Alicent's anger is her jealousy of Rhaenyra's privilege.

Furthermore, I dont like Alicent because I think she's so absorbed by her own anger and jealousy that she fails to see how Rhaeynra has ALSO had a very tough life. Since Rhaeynra was named heir to the throne, no one has accepted her station, or her future. All because she's a women. And on top of the disrespect that she had to deal with since she was a kid... she ALSO didn't have a choice in her own marriage just like Alicent. And it infuriates me that Alicent cant see that. or doesnt care.

Lastly, It does make me sad (a little angry but I cant really fault her bc Alicent was still an impressionable child at the time) but it makes me sad and disappointed that when Alicent was a kid she never wanted power. She never cared for the game for the throne, and only got swept up into it because her father was hungry for power and knew that the only way he could have power, is if he pressured Alicent into wooing King Viserys. And rather than recognizing this at her more mature age, rather than seeing how she got manipulated as a child to play this game for her father, she ends up going along with it and that makes me mad (again, i understand that even now I think Alicent's 'lust' for power is more for her own childrens sake. her children are Targs and she knows that they deserve a claim to the throne too... so im not like... too pissed at her. i can understand why fans are in support of her because of this.) But still.....ugh i think she just fails to see how she got manipulated be her father and by the king and instead she takes that anger out on Rhaenyra.

I wish they'd both team up. I wish they both killed Viserys and then kill Otto. and then reunite their children and rule the kingdom together. Because I absolutely believe that Viserys plays a huge role in why their children have animosity for each other...alicent plays a role too but again i think it was more viserys and ottos manipulation of her and thats why i blame them more for the current tension between the children.

[ventingoutmyass]

8.20.22

My issues wont be fixed when I find a job. Yeah, the stress I've had for a year without being able to spend a dollar on myself and borrowing money to pay bills most months would be magnificent off my shoulders. Not worrying about money so intensely will do wonders, one day.

Getting a job is it's own stress that I cant comprehend a way around. Signing myself up for multiple anxiety attacks through the entire process, to know it probably wont work out anyway, isn't exactly an encouraging incentive.

There's so many issues that stay in my home. Yes, that includes my environment and the people around me. But that also includes whats in my bedroom when the doors closed. I can't feel safe. I'm not safe in my body, I'm not safe in my head. I can't remember the last time I felt like I could relax. It's been years. I've grown accustomed to the ways I cant sleep at night because everything in my head tries to eat me alive. Then I wake up and realize all over again, that everything that worries me at night is true. I can't seem to do anything the way others can. I cant talk to other people. I cant work. I cant express myself. I cant learn anything about who I am. I cant care for myself or others who need me.

Why do I get stuck with this. It's like, nobody gave me a hint at how fucking hard life would be until I finished high school. Everything was so easy, way too easy. I sat for a year because I couldnt understand the how's and why's of anything. All of a sudden there was so much weight on a transition that nobody prepared me for. Suddenly, everything was different. And it was all on me to take it up. It's been six years. I am not a step closer than I was then. It feels like a set-up. How am I supposed to do anything? How can anybody possibly believe I'm capable of any of this?

Health insurance, getting so many health issues checked, going to the dentist. Buying a car, maintaining a car, driving well. Finding a therapist, getting a diagnosis so I could get disability, stress about disability not being enough, lying to my therapist so I dont get institutionalized. Taking care of my dog, worry that hes aging, worry about how others treat him, make sure hes always safe so my sisters safe. Wash the dishes, sweep the floor but do it right, mop and vacuum, change your sheets, clean your room, clean your bathroom. Shower, brush my teeth, wash my face. Enjoy hobbies, dont enjoy those hobbies too much, wear makeup but always take it off, read your books, finish that manga before you forget it, write write write no matter how bad it is or how much you cry about it, dont forget about digital art that you're plagiarizing. Make friends, dont get too attached to those friends, dont let them realize you're unlikable, show then bits of your true self but just the right amount, text them first once in a while, say yes to plans no matter how badly you dont want to, guilt when you find the courage to say no. Whats your gender? Will you ever tell others? What if they dont believe you? What if they dont care? What if they constantly misgender you? What about hormones and surgeries? Will you have health insurance once those become accessible? And the cycle starts back over.

Theres no way that it'll get easier.

I'm not meant to be here. I never was. It's not fair.

[abrokentear]

14th July 2022

I called you last night. You didn't answer. I hoped you would call back but you didn't. Its been a month and you still dont want to talk to me. Its difficult for me too you know. Its hard for me to understand why you are behaving this way. I told you I love you and you rejected me. And left the city for the new job. And yet you are the one maintaining the distance. Shouldn't I be the one doing that after being rejected. And here I am, having told myself that we will be just friends, and told you that as well, and yet you keep a distance.

So thanks to that I had a sleepless night. I had a dream of you again. You were there with your best friend and you were ignoring me even in the dream. But atleast you were around. I got up feeling sad. The physical distance makes it even more difficult. But then after a while I felt a calm. I had no clue why you didn't answer or call back...and I was okay with that. I realised that maybe talking to me would make you tell me things that you dont want to tell me right now. Maybe it was about your new job or the new place. I dont know. But what I do know is that you cant lie to me and hide things from me when we talk. Or maybe talking to me is just going to make you miss me more. Just like it would with me. What better way not to miss someone than by not listening to their voice, right? I know I will cry when I finally hear you. But of course I will cry after I hang up cause I wont ever make you feel guilty about making me cry. I promised myself that I would never bring up the topic of us again. I intend to keep that promise. 

So anyway, I sent you a text saying that I’m not pissed about you not answering cause im sure you had reason and also cause you my best friend and I cant stay mad. I also mentioned that I hope you enjoy your job and if you dont then quit and figure something else out. I just needed you to know that no matter what you decide in your life, im gonna have your back. You replied with a yeah I was out. God and I was so tempted to ask where and with whom?! I would have earlier but now with being just friends, I wont. So I just said nice and that you should explore the place while you there and made a comment about street food there. You didn't reply. I wasn't expecting one.

I think we both are healing. But it seems so weird you know. Its like starting afresh. Its like I know there are so many things you wanna tell me and I wanna tell you but we are holding ourselves back. Busying ourselves with others to make us not think about each other. But to tell you the truth, you are the first thing on my mind when I get up and the last thing before I sleep. You are my pulse.

[piecksz]

dirty little secret | (m)

pairings: jock!eren yeager x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw, dub con, cheating, creampie, oral sex (male receiving), mouth fucking, saliva, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, sneaky sex, explicit language

words: 3.2k+

summary: eren’s unsatisfied in his relationship with his girlfriend, so he looks to you for sexual gratification.

a/n: all the characters in this story are adults! it was originally meant to be a college au but the whole “fire drill” detail doesn’t really make sense in a college setting since fire drills are typically held in dorms, so as per usual 18+ minors dni. 

Your legs moved quickly against the polished tile of the hallway while you sped up to meet with your class who had already been far ahead of you, disappearing into the throng of people filing outside at the blaring signal of the fire alarm.

You’d excused yourself during your lesson to use the bathroom, unaware that an unplanned drill had been scheduled for that day, so with haste you finished up and rushed to rendezvous with the rest of your classmates before you were left inside the building.

As you rounded the corner, you felt a pair of hands wrap around your forearm, forcibly pulling you behind the small door that stood at the end of the corridor.

Instinctively, your hands balled into fists, and you threw them blindly in the direction of your assailant. You hoped that you’d at least land one successful hit, and it would give you enough time to break out of their hold and flee.

“Y/N, relax! It’s just me!”

Your hysterical flailing ceased, and you opened your eyes hesitantly at the sound of your attacker’s familiar voice. “Eren?”

Frantic pupils fell upon a pair of mischievous jade eyes, and your terror-stricken expression contorted into an angry scowl as you drove the palms of your hands into his chest, sending him careening back into the metal shelf behind him. “You asshole! What is wrong with you?”

Eren’s quick reflexes allowed him to catch himself and the rack before both were sent tumbling to the floor. “Ow,” he grumbled, rubbing away the soreness spreading over the skin of his arm from your knuckles’ potent impact. “You’ve got a brutal left hook.”

“Yeah? You wanna see my right one?” Your right hand tightened as if you were projecting another throw, but Eren’s outstretched arm maintained a safe amount of space between you two. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

Eren’s tightly-wound eyebrows began to arch as his distressed face eased into a buoyant grin. “I wanted to see you. I missed you.”

You blinked. “Were you the one that pulled the fire alarm?”

“No, I didn’t pull the fucking fire alarm,” he replied sourly, evidently offended that you’d suggest he’d do something so juvenile. “I just got lucky.”

Your curled lip relaxed, and your irritation waned into a resigned stare. You desperately wanted to trust Eren’s saccharine words, and it didn’t take much effort to believe him while you were faced with his stupidly winsome expression. His smile was warm, eyes glossing over with adoration like he was truly expressing what he felt, and it wasn’t just empty flattery, yet you’d been more perceptive than to just take his intentions for what they were. Rather, you’d been smart enough to learn from last time.

He’d said something along the same lines, after you two had hooked up in his car after his lacrosse game. He was feeling mirthful after winning and wanted to celebrate with you, but on the cusp of his orgasm, he’d let the “love” phrase slip, and when you’d asked him about it afterward, Eren mulled over it for a second before nodding, admitting that he had feelings for you.

His confession had been somewhat of a relief, and you’d expected him to end things with his girlfriend shortly after he’d realized what he really wanted, but the following day in the courtyard, you were stunned to see Eren sitting with her and the rest of his friends, showering her with kisses like nothing had taken place the night before.

You swore you’d learned your lesson.

“Are these new? Can I see them?” Eren’s fingers gently wrapped around the frame of your glasses, pulling them from your face, and he slid them onto his ears, adjusting their position on his nose. “How do I look?”

“I can’t see, Eren,” you answered simply.

Eren laughed bashfully. “Right, I think they look better on you instead.” He slid your glasses off and tucked them back behind your ears.

Your lenses restored your lucid vision, and now that you could properly see, you noticed the way Eren’s lips were parted, lids low and languid as his face lingered only inches from yours. He’d used your glasses as leverage to get closer to you, a crafty technique, and now that he was close enough, he could whisper.

“You know what else looks better on you?” The corner of his mouth quirked upwards into his cheek, and he closed the space between you two, fixing his lips onto yours while his thumb and index finger supported the curve of your chin. His kiss was slow, mouth undulating with the most tender of movements, and when he carefully slid his tongue between your teeth you could taste the vague chill of spearmint on his breath. He proceeded timidly, as though he was touching you for the first time, but that was the very detail of your couplings that always had you running back. He handled you like he cared.  

The tip of Eren’s nose skimmed against yours, ever so slightly, while he continued prompting his tongue further into the depths of your mouth, eager to have you savor his desire.

Your body was traitorous and unmoving, allowing Eren to command you with his lips, and for a few blissful minutes, you forgot the two of you were crammed into the unyielding space of a storage room.

Eren withdrew from your mouth, and tilted his head to the side so he could occupy the empty curve of your neck, and once you felt him press mild kisses to the hollow of your throat, you freed a displeased sigh and sent him backwards with an assertive push.

“Seriously? In the supply closet?”

“We’ve got like fifteen minutes before everyone comes back.” He reassured you, shrugging dismissively before tipping his head in for another kiss.

You shifted backward, studying Eren as he continued to lean in until his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Wondering why he wasn’t receiving any contact, his eyes flitted open.

“You still haven’t broken up with her have you?” You pressed your lips into an unamused line.

Your question had Eren angling until he was standing upright, and then he rolled his head back and released a groan as though already tired from your question. “Y/N, come on. I don’t feel like having this conversation.”

“Have you?” you probed.

“No, I haven’t. It’s not that easy.”

“It really is.”

Eren drew his eyebrows up, now in regret. “We’ve been together since freshman year. Do you know how big of a douchebag it makes me look if I break up with her two months before graduation?”

You scoffed, folding your arms across your chest. “Do you know how big of a douchebag you look fucking me behind her back?”

Eren’s eyes drifted to the side.

“Or are you just embarrassed to be seen with me?” you questioned, canting your body into his view.

“Okay, you sound ridiculous,” Eren laughed dryly.

“Because I’m not a cheerleader or an athlete, and I have about one other friend. You don’t want everyone to know you’re fucking the girl that spends lunch in the library.”

“What kind of cliche movie do you think we’re in right now?”

“It’s just something I’d expect from someone who peaked in high school.” Your words were sharp on the tip of your tongue, and you could tell by the way Eren recoiled that your statement managed to penetrate his seemingly careless guise.

“I’ll handle it okay?” Eren’s hand slid over the back of his neck, looking blameworthy of all the faults you’d accused him of. “But right now I really need help handling something else.”

Your eyes narrowed in his direction after realizing he’d managed to do it again, forcing you into forgiveness with his charming abashed impression. He’d taken advantage of how spineless you were when it came to matters concerning him.

“Please?” he urged.

It was his thick brown brows that were creased in the middle and opalescent green eyes that stared you down that made him look so sincere. He was easily one of the most spellbinding people you’d ever met, attractive and likable, he knew exactly what cards to play to get his way, and even though you were aware of it, you always found yourself wrapped around his finger. A pretty face and a sweet tongue was a recipe written up by the devil himself.

You lowered yourself onto your knees, leveled with Eren’s hands working swiftly against the buttons of his slacks. “I’m done doing this, Yeager,” you announced wryly.

“I know,” Eren said, as though guaranteeing you it would be the last time.

He pushed his pants down along with his briefs in one swift motion, freeing his cock from the tight cotton confines of his underwear. His length was already rigid, the sticky beads of precum leaking out of his swollen head the result of your stalling. He’d already provoked himself by thinking of all the ways he wanted to have you, you didn’t have to do anything more to get him hard.

A relieved exhale left Eren’s lips once he grabbed the base of his cock in the sweaty heat of his palm, tapping his wet tip against your bottom lip, then he pulled the hem of his shirt up slightly, allowing you enough clearance to take him into your mouth.

You wrapped a ginger hand around his length, feeling the way his warmth throbbed in your fingers, and you leaned in, using your tongue to lap along the rim of his cock.

“Fuck—” Eren’s voice was husky as it ripped through the depths of his throat. He watched you with heavy lids, observing the way your tongue’s tip danced around his swollen head, giving coy licks to his slit, and the way his cock twitched with need at the slightest provocation. “Jesus Christ—”

You gave him a few generous pumps before taking him whole, humming at the way his girth felt against the inside of your cheeks. The skin of his length ran like hot silk over your tongue as you fell into a natural rhythm, and your lips and hand rocked back and forth against him.

Eren’s face broke out into a dirty grin. “You’re such a little slut for my cock, aren’t you?”

You glared up at him over the edge of your glasses.

“Sorry,” he responded meekly, fingers brushing away the strands of hair that fell loosely against his forehead.

You continued working against him, excited by the honeyed melody of his moans every time your fingertips ran over the sensitive skin of his balls. Eren’s cock pulsated against the surface of your tongue with each small ministration, and you watched the muscles across his abdomen tense.

“I know you hate me,” he started. “But you have no idea how hot you look on your knees right now. Keep glaring at me like that, and I’m gonna cum in your mouth.”

The mention of Eren’s warning had a torrent of heat surging between your legs, and you fought off the urge to dip your fingers beneath your skirt and begin rubbing away your discomfort. You didn’t want him to know you were enjoying this almost as much as he was.

Your heavy yet stifled breathing caused your glasses to fog lightly, so you sat back on your knees, withdrawing your mouth from him briefly to catch your breath. You lifted a thumb to wipe away at the saliva that dribbled down your chin, but Eren’s fast fingers stopped you, holding your wrist away from your face.

“Don’t,” he breathed. “You look pretty like that.”

You ran the back of your hand across your cheeks, as though you were trying to rub off the furious heat that crept across your skin and over your nose. “Shut up.”

Eren only responded with an amused smile.

Then when you brought him back to your lips for the last time, his hands settled on the crown of your head, and he pushed his cock back in until his tip relentlessly prodded the back of your throat. Holding your head in place, he began jerking his hips, fucking your mouth at an agonizingly slow pace that had heavy tears cascading down your cheeks.

Every time his cock slowly and deliberately pressed against the back of your throat, you gagged involuntarily, fingertips digging into the side of his thighs.

“Feel how hard I am?” Eren asked. “You did that.” He rocked his pelvis forward again, muffling your whines.

“Yeah? You like it when I fuck your pretty little face, don’t you?” He thrusted himself between your jaws, throwing his head back and liberating a series of foul swears. “I really need to feel you.”

With the declaration of his wish, he pulled his cock out of your mouth, inhaling sharply at the obscene sight of his length coated and dripping with your spit.

After your dry heaving subsided, Eren helped you up with a gentle hand, running his palm between your shoulder blades to soothe your coughing. He made sure you were steady before cuing you to turn so that your back was facing him, then he watched as your shaky hands slid underneath your skirt and fingers hooked around the fabric of your underwear.

“Pull out this time, Eren. I mean it,” you rasped, cautioning him ahead of time. You stepped out of your underwear and used the toe of your shoe to cast it aside.

Eren’s hands reached under your hem, large palms gliding over the curve of your ass. “The odds of you getting pregnant are like one in what?” He flipped up your skirt and continued teasing the skin of your backside. “Plus I always cover you for the pill, don’t I?”

“I don’t care, cum in me and you’re dead.” Your fingers gripped the edge of the metal shelf, and you slid your arm around Eren’s shoulder while he placed one hand on your waist for support and curved the other under your thigh. Then, he brought your knee up to his chest until all of your weight was allocated onto one leg.

Eren held his cock with his fingertips and slid himself between your folds from behind. You let out a soft, unanticipated whimper, but quickly brought your teeth down on the flesh of your tongue to smother any more sounds of pleasure. You didn’t even bother looking over your shoulder at Eren’s satisfied smirk, you could tell by the way his hand squeezed your thigh that he had noticed it.

Eren positioned himself at your entrance, skimming his wet tip over your hole before sliding himself inside you. His cock slipped in with ease, your saliva acting as a crude lubricant.

“Oh fuck—” His breath was hot over the span of your neck.

“Eren—” you sighed, forgetting all your pretenses. You closed your eyes, enjoying the way he stretched you out, and then he started moving causing a pattern of shallow cries and moans to fall from your lips.

“Fuck Y/N, you drive me fucking crazy,” Eren groaned, thrusting up into you, slowly and rhyhmically, steadily filling you to the hilt every time, while his hand traveled beneath your ribcage to cup your breast over the crisp fabric of your uniform. “She doesn’t take me as well as you do.”

You shook your head, making weak sounds of protest between delicate whines. “I don’t wanna hear that, Eren—”

“But it’s true.” Eren moved quickly between your legs, hissing every time your slick walls tightened around his aching cock. With each punctuated thrust, you continued to lose yourself, until your need unfurled and Eren had you under siege. His methodical pace sent you into a flurry of moans, and you cried his name over and over.

His even strokes began to stagger, and his breathing became rapid and shallow, chaotic pants of hot air rolling out over the span of your shoulder.

“I’m gonna cum—” He continued pounding into you, faster now, harder, keen on drawing out his orgasm, and then Eren gave one last thrust, so deep it had you shutting your eyes and pursing your lips to keep from screaming. Then he shuddered, his body convulsing with the bout of his orgasm, and you felt him release inside of you, thick, hot ropes of cum flooding your pussy with every twitch of his cock.

“Y/N—” he moaned, resting his chin in the curve of your shoulder while he continued to jettison every drop of his release until he was sure he was empty.

Your hands tightened around his shoulder, as the ripple from Eren’s climax had your cunt tightening around his length, and ecstasy spread over the span of your pelvis and down your thighs. Once he grew limp, he slipped himself out of you, and you felt a slow stream of his cum run down the inside of your thigh.

“I said not to cum in me you fucking idiot.” Your legs were sweaty, making it easier for you to twist yourself out of Eren’s hold until you were now standing upright, both legs planted unsteadily on the ground.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it.” Eren wrapped his arms around you apologetically, but you shrugged him off, using your elbow to drive him back.

Your eyes scanned the closet with haste, looking for tissue paper you could steal to clean up the mess between your thighs, and Eren must have sensed your aim because he made use of his height, seizing a large roll from the top shelf and unwrapping it before handing it to you.

You grabbed it out of his hands, waiving a statement of gratitude, and ripped away a few plies, crumpling them up into a generous wad. “You owe me eighty dollars.”

Eren’s eyebrows lifted and his face twisted into an incredulous expression while he stuffed himself back into his pants and buttoned them up. “Are you running a prostitution ring?”

“I’m serious. Fifty for the pill and thirty just for dealing with you.” You straightened out your uniform, and watched as Eren did the same, tugging on his collar to smooth out the creases.

“You’re a mean little bitch,” he jeered with a slight playful undertone, and then he looked off to the side in concentration. He turned around, pressing his ear to the door of the supply closet, and then he looked back at you. “I think they’re coming back.”

You hummed.

“I’ll walk out first.”

“Right,” you said unenthusiastically, recalling that no matter how many praises he lavished you with in private, in public you were still his dirty little secret. He vowed to you that he would end his current relationship because it was clear you were growing tired of being his toy, good enough for him to fuck but undeserving of anything else. And after all was said and done, when you two passed each other in the halls, he’d still glance at you with the cordiality of a stranger.

Eren had promised to handle it, yet it was obvious he had no intentions to, and you knew that while you watched him give you a fond smile before slipping out of the supply closet.