#so yknow that always helps lol

[rozaceous]

ok so like, fanowrimo 2023 reflection thus far, since we're actually p close to the halfway mark which is already a terrifying concept.

total word count, i'm at 9.6k (abt 400 words under target for today but i'm probably not done), so yay! but holy schmokes have i not been consistent in output in the last week lmao. via nanowrimo's stats page, which is honestly excellent:

(nov 5th and 9th were rest days, and even tho on the 5th it says 0, i did still outline. ofc some of what i've written i've since scrapped--tho i've p much made up the difference while editing--and i've also done abt 600 words of not-tcba writing bc my brain needed a break.)

building habits is so hard...

and that's really what it is? historically speaking, i'm not a very consistent writer, i'm more motivated by whimsy. having a structured approach where i wake up in the morning and write for an hour has been good for me, but it's also really challenging bc i am a creature of indolence. normally i take ages to think about what's coming up next, and when i write i have the internal editor in my brain constantly giving me feedback on word choice and word frequency, on consonance and where to break the sentence with punctuation or how to re-word it so that the tone is right and making sure that i mention x and do the lead-in for y. at the same time, when i take a lot of time to percolate is usually when i'm able to do 1-2k in one go and it doesn't need any editing after except for typos. (measure twice, write once...)

so breaking it into writing only, and editing separately has been great, but it's still kind of a struggle bc it's still energy expenditure, just in a different form. but i think the other part of why i've always taken so long to write is that i don't have a job where i can just daydream abt my stories, or sneakily write. i have my commute and my lunch, but sometimes i want to think abt literally anything else. in general, i have obligations that take up enough of my mental bandwidth that it can be really hard to also be creative, esp when i have v strong meta-cognition going when i do write.

idk thus far w this project i've really been trying to give myself a lot of grace, and mostly succeeding. but yeah, if mariko is my wish-fulfillment in any sense it's that she has the energy to enact her stubbornness into discipline way more consistently than i do.

[shepscapades]

Thanks to artfight, I’ve finally finished a detailed, official dbhc cub reference! :D

(I’ve put his Artifight description below the cut, which has a more detailed explanation of his timeline, lore, and aesthetics! >:3)

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁  OVERVIEW ❁ ༺ ˎˊ-

Name: C.B.F.N.4000 (Cub) Pronouns: He/Him Species: Android Height: 5’9’’ Associated Visual Themes: vex, ghosts, explosions, mischief, scientist aesthetic, potions, potionmaking, sleepy/tired aesthetic, conspiracies

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁  ABOUT ❁ ༺ ˎˊ-

CBFN4000 is an au version of MCYT Hermitcraft’s Cubfan, set in my DBHC (or Detroit Become Hermitcraft) AU! This au is inspired by the 2018 game Detroit Become Human, but not because it really has anything to do with DBH—I simply yoinked the android mechanics and incorporated them into the world of Hermitcraft. It began as a S8 au, and has roughly followed the hermitcraft timeline up to the present! 

Cub was the last android made during Season 8. While many of the hermit androids were made at the beginning of season 8 and a few were made for season 9, Cub was finished and activated mid-late Season 8, around the time when Hermits started noticing the Big Moon. Cub’s model ended up being a sloppy experiment in deviation, as Doc suggested they try to transfer deviancy to an android upon activation to try and avoid traumatic situations that might cause an android to deviate violently or upsettingly, such as Etho’s, Tango’s, or Mumbo’s experiences. While this went relatively well initially, it clearly wasn’t very thoroughly thought out, as Xisuma (who is normally so adamant and detail-oriented when it comes to assuring the androids’ safety with experiments like this) wasn’t truly himself due to external manipulation and mostly left a relatively young-deviant Doc to carry out the project himself. 

Cub, though adjusting to sentience rather well at first, very quickly became wrapped up in the Big Moon happenings on the server, new personality and inexperience to emotions like fear and ignorance completely overwhelming his young system. He became obsessive over the implications and consequences of the Season 8 Moon Apocalypse, joining the Mooners and spreading his conspiracy theories religiously throughout the server as he descended into madness. The insanity was like a virus to his programming, pervasive and all-engulfing, and Cub’s final attempt to free himself from the Moon’s impact with the Earth—to launch himself on a llama into space via potion-powered TNT(insane btw)— left his hands and feet singed and cracked to ruin.

The experiment, considered a horrific failure by a deeply shameful—and more awake—S9 Xisuma, left Doc and Xisuma with the decision to reset him for the new season, and they ended up pairing him with a hermit like they had done with the other androids until they had found deviancy enough to pursue their own projects. So, at the start of season 9 and fresh after a reset, Cub was paired with Scar. Naturally, because Scar is… Scar, Cub deviated almost instantly after being given to him, and very quickly adopted the iconic lazy, stoic, amused attributes normally associated with Cubfan. Scar’s tendency towards mischief and general shenanigans grew instantly on Cub, and the two were an immediate inseparable pair. So much so that when Scar began rambling one day about his Season 5 Hermitcraft Shenanigans (where deals with the Vex may or may not have been involved), Cub immediately stated he was interested in being in on it. Whatever “it” means. It’s unclear if Cub also made a deal with the vex or became connected to them in some other way, but… well, he got Doc’s help to trick out his eyes, hair, and back to best fit the part. Scar is very jealous that he can't magically make himself have the same features to match.

Cub is closest with Scar, but he gets along just as well with any of the other hermits! He’s close with Jevin and many of the other redstoners like Etho and Doc, who are the other two androids I’ve put on artfight!

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁  EXTRAS ❁ ༺ ˎˊ-

Cub's eyes can light up in the dark, and he’s the only android who has edited his programming so that the default state of his LED is white, not blue. It still will go yellow and red if his processors are working particularly hard, but he’s replaced the blue setting on his LED with white to better match the Vex vibe. Cub has all of the vibes of a fae. If that’s anything <3

[manasurge]

Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)

[foccaccia]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

[l0rd-0f-c0ws]

I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

[rosykims]

ik the implication of the von valancius succession is that our RT is just some random fucking 7th cousin twice removed but i actually think its so funny if leda is theodora's daughter.

[beauzos]

it's so funny to me when people will say they dabble in fics and then you go to their ao3 and they've written, like, dozens of fics for one fandom. like girl fic concepts come to me in visions months apart and then after succumbing to the madness of writing and finishing it you don't hear from me again for several months to a year. i wish i could but i could never KRKF

[leatherbookmark]

i love how passionate and emotional fic seongjoong is when irl they're like... an arranged marriage... lol

[clanoffelidae]

It’s always ‘man I wish I was at home’ until you actually have a reason to stay home because you feel bad and then it’s ‘man I wish I was at work because that would mean I didn’t feel awful’

[backslashdelta]

come say nice things to me please I need some cheering up </3

[xamaxenta]

Stresses me out alot that i cant physically bind anymore idk what happened in the last few years but any kind of compression hurts and it sucks it was the only thing i could do now i cant even do that

[vampiricsheep]

most fucked up thing about him (the vampire) is that he. um.

he only connects to the Dream+that dream-connection when feeding from a dreamer

[inmirova]

yall my ex is so lucky we're not together now that I'm off my meds for like. not even the reason that makes sense.

[indigodawns]

.

[acircusfullofdemons]

rip 2 my irl friends who gotta deal with me infodumping to them abt my paracosms now lol

[bitchapalooza]

HR and my boss is probably gonna wonder why I never spoke up about one of the chemicals causing me a minor asthma attack and coughing fit and it's because I not only took care of it myself with my inhaler(but still had a persistent cough for the rest of the day) but also I do not speak up for myself and have learned, through the way I was raised*, that I'm going to get yelled at or brushed off more often than acknowledged if I do speak up about these things so I just. Don't. I keep it all to myself and figure out how to fix it myself. Anyway I hope they actually accept my doctors note without any further question so I can go back to work since mom and dad can't and we have no other way to pay for rent :T