#so. im gonna bring it up at my doctor's appointment in a month.

[orcelito]

Omfg. So I've long had a sensitivity to sugar. Can't eat too much of it w/o feeling nauseous. Etc etc. Just kinda the way of my life.

I was talking with family over the weekend tho and it came up and they were like. "Maybe you should get checked for pre-diabetes" 😅😅

& see the thing is. I have. So many family members who are/were diabetic. On both sides of the family. I really do have a genetic predisposition for it, maybe. Enough to make it worth getting checked out haha

[jj-maybanks-daughter]

baby

y/n and rafe had been married for 2 years and have been trying to have a baby for a year and 6 months. they had tried everything. rafe gave up drugs, she took fertility pills, tests, looking through family history, and even shots. y/n hates shots but she would do anything to bring a baby into the world. it all paid off eventually 

warnings: throwing up, difficult birth, blood, stitches, hard pregnancy, some cursing, mention of wards death, lmk if i missed anything

y/n leaped out of bed, rafe slowly opening his eyes and following her to the bathroom. “you good, babe?” he asked peeking through the crack she left in the door.

“i think i’m gonna throw up.” she sighed lunging to the toilet and lifting up the seat. rafe pulled her face out of her hair. 

y/n turned around and smiled at him. 

“bro, why are you smiling. it’s fucking 7:32 am and you just threw up. i wouldn’t be smiling.” he said after dropping her hair. 

“babe,” she paused, “do you know what this means?” he smile just got bigger and bigger. rafe sat to think for a minute

“wait…” he started to smile after he realized,  “when was your last period?” he unlocked his phone to open the period tracker he got on his phone to keep track. 

“i didn’t want to get your hopes up, but i think throwing up is a good sign.” y/n chuckled. her period was 4 days late, but they are never on time. morning sickness might have just confirmed the news. 

“oh my god! oh my god!” he got up to pick her up and spun her around in his arms. “we need to go get a test!” he yelled, thrilled. 

“babe, it’s so early.” she smiled 

“oh right… as soon as the open. can i get you anything? water, snack?” he asked excitedly. 

“all i want is to brush my teeth.” she laughed. she didn’t want to be to excited, in case she was getting her hopes up. 

rafe hopped in his pickup truck to run to the pharmacy. he didn’t know how many tests to get, so he got three.  

he checked out and got home as soon as he could. 

“i’m home!” he said, barging into the door of the house on figure eight. 

he handed her the tests and led her to the bathroom. he waited outside as she took them. 

“babe.” she said as she opened the door, tests on the counter. “i really don’t want you to get your hopes up. it might not be anything. i don’t want you to be disappointed if it’s negative.” she said, looking down at her feet. 

“i know, babe.” he said pulling her in for a hug and resting his head on hers. “i just need to feel confident. all i want is for you to be healthy.” 

the timer went off a few minutes later. “rafey, im scared” she admitted. 

“it’ll be alright either way, ok?” he reassured her. she was more worried for him to be upset with her. she knew he’s been wanting to be a dad for a long time, and this finally seemed like his chance.

“three two one” she counted down as the flipped the tests. “OH MY GOD! I CANT BELIEVE IT!” she yelled and cheered

“i’m gonna be a dad!” he picked her up and spun her around. “finally! it paid off, babe! i’m gonna call a doctor and we’re gonna get you an appointment. i’m so excited!”

a few weeks later was your appointment.

“i’m nervous, babe.” y/n admitted in the car ride there. 

“it’ll be alright. i can’t wait to see baby’s heartbeat.” he put his hand on y/ns thigh as his eyes stayed on the road. 

“there’s the heartbeat!” the doctor smiled as she pointed to the screen. 

tears of joy ran down both y/n and rage’s faces as they admired the screen. “how much longer till the baby comes?” rafe jokes.

“due to the issues with getting pregnant, we are going to have you come in every other week to check on baby, ok?” the nurse smiled.

“we have to tell everyone!” rafe said, ecstatic as they got to the car. “they’re gonna be so happy. sarah is gonna be so excited.” 

him and sarah had figured things out after the death of their father. they were really close, and rafe finally accepted the pogues. 

“well we can tell them to meet up at the house, and we’ll tell them there!” y/n told him. 

rafe called sarah to bring her and her friends over tonight. 

 “what’s up, rafe?” sarah asked, concerned as she walked in the house, he friends piling after her. 

“y/n! they’re here!” rafe shouted upstairs. “it’s good, don’t worry.” 

sarah let out a sigh of relief at the good news. 

y/n hurried down the stairs, still careful not to fall, and rafe watched her, nervous. “slow down, babe. dont want you to fall.” he said, protectively.

“i wont” she giggled. she still grabbed onto the railing and rafe relaxed a little. “come, sit!” she led them to the living room to sit on the couch. 

“what’s wrong?” kiara asked, raising an eyebrow. 

the couple looked at each other and smiled. “your want to say it?” she whispered in his ear. he smiled in a really? way. she nodded and he looked backed over to the pogues.

“we’re pregnant!” he laughed. 

“oh my god! really?!?” sarah yelled hopping up and hugging y/n 

“yes!” she smiled, tears rolling down her eyes.

“when did you find out?” jj asked. jj was best friends with y/n when they were little. they’re still friends, but not as close. 

“a few weeks ago. we wanted to make sure before we told anyone.” rafe answered.

“congrats, guys!” john b said, patting y/n on the back as she wiped her tears. 

the cat was out of the bag. they didn’t need to worry about anyone finding out about the pregnancy if it didn’t work out. they had grown pretty close to their unborn baby. 

rafe had set up the nursery, sarah and y/n went to buy the baby clothes, they had a gender reveal party, (it’s a girl!) they threw a baby shower, everything the baby needed. 

y/ns belly had grown a lot, it was painful for her and not one day went without crying and throwing up, even after they were told it would get better. she had a meltdown over little stuff, but rafe didn’t let it bother him, considering she was carrying his baby and she couldn’t control the hormones that came with that. 

“do you want anything to eat?” rafe asked.

tears welled in y/ns eyes. “what’s wrong, babe?” he asked 

“i’m hungry b-but i don’t know what i want to eat.” she put her head in her hands.

“do you want a sandwich? i’ll go get you one.” 

“i want something sweet.” she never liked sweet stuff, but rafe wasn’t going to argue with her about that. 

“we have a watermelon. do you want me to cut it for you?” he asked. it took her a second to think, but then she nodded her head and looked at him. “i can do that. go head and put on something to watch.” 

he cut the watermelon and y/n was relaxed for about 5 minutes before she heard a curse from the kitchen. “FUCKIN SON OF A BITCH” 

“rafe?” she asked, sitting up and walking to the kitchen. she saw blood all over the kitchen, which made her nauseous. she ran to the bathroom to throw up while rafe had to deal with his bleeding finger. 

he ran it underwater and tried to save the watermelon, but there was no use. there was blood everywhere, even if it was just his finger. 

y/n came rushing back to the kitchen. “are you ok, babe?” she asked eagerly as she traced circles on his back while he washed his hand. 

“i just cut my finger, it’s alright.”

“why did it bleed so much?” she asked looking at the kitchen.

“it was deep, but it shouldn’t need stitches.” he looked at the still bleeding finger, and showed it to y/n.

“uhhh- that’s pretty deep. can we just go to the hospital? it’s making me nervous, it shouldn’t be that deep.” she told him. 

“i’m going to wrap it with this and then your gonna drive us and you will get stitches and we’ll get back.” 

rafe wasn’t going to argue with her, although he really wanted to. he drove them to the hospital and got it stitched up. 

they came back and cleaned the kitchen. they started making out. “do you want to?”rafe asked her. they were nervous to have sex while pregnant, but at this point,

both of them were basically helpless.

“yea” she gasped out as he led her to the bedroom. they still had a month until the baby would come. they went 7 months without having sex, they needed it with everything that happened the past few weeks. 

“how do you want to do this? i don’t know what’s comfortable for you.” rafe asked as she sat on the bed and he watched her and tried to come up with a plan. 

“idk just do what feels right and i’ll tell you if it hurts.” rafe layed down next to her and pulled down her shorts and panties and he pulled down his shorts and boxers, lifting his shirt over his head not long after. 

“do you want this off?” rafe asked as he tugged on her shirt. she shook her head “no” she didn’t like how she felt with out her shirt on while pregnant. 

rafe kissed all over the back of her neck and rubbed her back. he made his way down to her thighs and caressed them until she was wet enough. “your gonna tell me if it hurts?” he asked, leaning on his elbow to look at y/n in the face.”

“yes babe, i promise.” 

he lined himself up and slowly pushed in his nine inch cock. she was still really tight, even though she was growing a baby not to far ahead. 

he waited for her to nod until he started thrusting.  both let out moans. it relieved a lot of pressure for y/n, making her super pleased with the performance. “ooh keep going” she moaned as he picked up speed.

“oh fuck,” she whispered under her breath as her eyes rolled behind her head. 

“how’s that, babe? does it hurt or are you good?” he managed to say as he thrusted even faster.

“it’s good baby” she moaned out. “gonna come…” her legs started shaking and rafes thrusts got sloppier. he pulled out and finished with his hand. “thanks, babe” she said as she came down from her high.

“sure, babe.” rafe walked out and came back with a glass of water and a wet towel to clean y/n up. he helped her get dressed into comfy pajamas, and he changed into different boxers. “good night.” he kissed her forehead and her belly. 

about three more weeks went by of pure craziness. 

“babe, babe!” y/n whisper yelled as she hit rafes shoulder. 

“what” he asked groggily. rafe was never a morning person. 

“im having contractions, i need you to time them.” 

“ughhhh im sleeping tho.” 

she looked at him and hit him again. “just do it.” 

he timed them on his phone. “they are just getting longer. should we go?” he asked showing her the phone. “there like four minute apart. i think we should go.” he brought her to the car, and packed their gas into the car. 

“can i stop for a coffee?” rafe looked at her as he drove. 

“what the hell rafe! i’m in labor!” she yelled at him as she threw up the what the hell hands. 

he didn’t say anything and just drive past the dunkin. he called the hospital to get her a room. 

they got there and got led up to her room. they settled her into the bed as rafe held her hand. 

“i’m scared” she sobbed. “i don’t think i’m ready” rafe kissed her on the forehead. 

“it’ll be alright, i promise.” 

 a blonde doctor came in with a clipboard “hello, mr and mrs cameron! i’m going to be delivering your baby today!” she spoke as she walked in farther.

she checked y/ns heart beat and blood pressure. “i need you to relax a little. your heartbeat is going up, and so is baby’s. it’ll be alright, nothing bad is going to happen” the doctor reassured in a nice voice

“i think im going to have to break the water, it’s going to speed up labor and help your cervix dilate a little more.” the doctor announced. 

rafe held y/ns hand tighter, he could tell she was scared. 

“so this, is going into your parts and i’m going to find the amniotic sac, and poke it with this, and it’ll break your water. it might be uncomfortable, but i’ll make it fast.” 

the doctor stuck her two fingers and the tool in, as y/n whined at the pain. it popped and liquid spilled out, the nurses cleaned it up quickly. 

“now i can monitor baby more closely.” the doctor said patting y/n on the leg. 

her contractions grew more painful, rafe helped her through them. “can she get anything to help with the pain?” rafe asked the doctor, concerned for his wife, considering she has a super high pain tolerance. 

“we can give her an epidural, but there’s a line of people waiting.” the doctor told him as she checked y/ns heart again.

“do you want to to that, babe?” he asked pushing the hair out of her face. she nodded eagerly. rafe knew it must be bad if she wanted a shot. 

after an hour of painful contractions and waiting, she finally got the epidural. 

“how are you feeling, baby?” rafe asked, looking you in the eyes. 

“better” is all she could say. 

“it’s time to push, are you ready?” y/n nodded. “ok, dad. i’m going to need you to hold her leg up.”  rafe obliged and lifted her leg up, a nurse doing the same on the other side. “ok three, two, one push” the doctor told y/n. 

she yelled in pain as she tried to deliver the baby. rafes heart broke at the sound of her in so much pain and he couldn’t do anything about it. he pushed the hair out of her face as she kept pushing and crying. 

“i can’t do it” she yelled 

“yes you can, y/n. it’s only a little more.” the doctor told her. 

she continued to push with cry’s and screams. 

“i see her head, i see her head!” the doctor yelled as y/n kept pushing. 

“we’re almost there, babe!” rafe smiled to her.  

y/n felt a tear that caused even more pain, but as soon as she heard the baby cry, it was worth it. “you did it babe!” rafe cried to her. 

“dad, do you want to cut the umbilical cord?” the doctor handed him scissors to cut it. he smiled the whole time. 

they placed the baby on y/ns chest as the doctor delivered the placenta and stitched her up. “how long is she going to cry?” rafe asked the doctor. 

“she’s probably hungry, but most likely your supply hasn’t come in yet. you can feed her once it does, but that could be a while. just try to rock her and hold her, she’ll calm down.”

y/n scooted over so rafe could squeeze in with her and the baby. “what are we gonna name her?” rafe asked smiling down at the baby.

“ do you like blake?” y/n asked.

“perfect. blake cameron. can i pick the middle name?” rafe asked.

“yes”

“blake isabel cameron.”

“i love it.” 

sarah and the pogues came to the hospital to meet the baby. 

after a few days at the hospital, they could go home.

“this is your home, baby!” y/n whispered as she brought blake into the house. 

she handed her over to rafe to carry her upstairs. “this is your room!” rafe sat down in the rocking chair with his baby, admiring the work he got done on the nursery. “this is perfect,” he said smiling at blake and his wife. “ all i have ever wanted is right here, thank you babe” he kissed y/n on the forehead and rocked baby blake isabel cameron to sleep.

[lovebombs4life]

why are you here? - l.r.h.

requested: no. bruh at this point i don’t even know when im gonna get my last requests done 💀

a/n: i haven’t had my zoloft in a week 🤞🤞 doctors appointment on thursday tho 🫶

cw: SMUT!!! bathroom sex, name calling, slight angst, a bit of a fluffy end. (if there’s anything else lmk in the comments)

———

my heart dropped as i spotted him across the room. he was dancing with some chick. my fingers tightened around the glass i was holding, hardly listening to anything my friend in front of me was saying.

“helloooo?” ryan waved his hand in front of me. my eyes snapped back to him, my heart beat quickening as i thought about how he was in the same room as me.

it had been six months since the break up. what we had was fantastic, but we crumbled down, and ended terribly. “sorry, erm, you didn’t tell luke you were going anywhere tonight, did you?” i asked.

ryan raised his brow. “why would i have? he said he was gonna be staying at home anyways.” he shrugged. i raised my brow. “then who’s that over there?” i asked, pointing over his shoulder. ryan turned his head, locking his vision onto luke.

he turned his gaze back to me, wide eyed. “y/n i didn’t know he’d be here i’m so-” i waved it off. my small motion drew attention to me, luke looking my way. i locked eyes with him, not breaking eye contact.

ryan turned his head back to luke. he then saw ryan, his face going bright red. he pulled away from the girl he was dancing with, going to the bar.

i excused myself before going to the bathroom. i stood at the counter, splashing water on my face. i made sure not to mess up my makeup, wiping my face dry. the door opened, his tall figure standing in front of me. he closed the door quickly, locking it so no one else could get it.

“real classy, sneaking into the women’s room, luke.” i rolled my eyes as i looked at him. “you and i both know its not the first time.” he remarked, walking towards me.

he pushed me against one of the stall doors, hands on either side of my head. “why are you here?” he spoke lowly, staring into my eyes.

“needed to get out and do something for once. ryan offered to bring me out. guess your alibi didn’t work this time, huh?” i asked. he scoffed, bringing his face closer to mine.

“we can never be friends, can we?” he spoke, his eyes glancing down to my lips before meeting my gaze again. i shrugged, smirking up at him. “fuck it.” he said before kissing me roughly.

his tongue met mine, swirling around in each others mouths. he grabbed my thighs, wrapping my legs around his waist. my dress hoisted to my hips when he did so, exposing my ass, as i wasn’t wearing underwear. he quickly found that out once grabbing me.

he smirked against my lips, brining me to the countertop. “expect to get some tonight?” he teased, his hands going between my thighs. i rolled my eyes.

“yeah, didn’t think it would be you, though.” i grumbled. he chuckled darkly. “oh please, you act like you don’t want me.” i bit my lip as his hands went for his belt.

“shut up” i mumbled, watching him pull down his jeans. i tried to clench my thighs together once i saw the sight of his cock peeking out from the waistband of his boxers.

“wanna say that again, brat?” he said, pushing my thighs open wide. i let my head fall back against the mirror. i shook my head quickly. “no sir.”

‘that’s what i thought.” he pulled down his boxers, lining his cock up with my entrance. i let out a breathy moan as he pushed into me, his pace quick and steady. i clenched around him, feeling every vein in his cock. my jaw fell slack as i took him in fully.

my eyes rolled back, making him slap my face. “look at me while i’m fucking you, y/n. i know you haven’t forgotten my rules, so fucking follow them.” i whimpered as i opened my eyes, looking into his.

he smirked at me, watching me try and keep my eyes open. he stuck his thumb in my mouth, my lips wrapping around his finger as if it were his cock. i moved my tongue how he liked when i would give him head, causing him to groan.

“fuckin hate how much i love this.” he tilted back his head, swallowing hard. his brow furrowed as his thumb pulled from my mouth, grabbing my hips tightly. his movements became quicker, but rather than feeling rushed, they felt almost filled with love.

i tried not to think about it, tried to remember that this is just one last time together. his teeth sinks into the flesh of my neck, sucking slightly and running tongue over the marks he’d left. i moaned at the sensation, my nails clawing at his back.

“getting close, lu.” i moaned, speaking the nickname i had given him when we were together. he whined at my words, pushing himself deep inside me, massaging my breasts through my dress.

“fuck, cum for me beautiful, come on.” he breathed. his tone had changed from hateful to kind within a matter of seconds. my heart fluttered as i released all over his cock.

he groaned as i tightened around him, causing him to pull out, finishing on my thigh. i kept my arms wrapped around his neck, keeping him close to my body. “guess we really never can be friends, huh?” he mumbled into my neck. i took in a deep breath, feelings the aching in my chest.

“guess not.” i sighed. he pulled back, pulling his jeans back up, situating himself. he helped me off the counter, pulling my dress back over my thighs. he grabbed my hands from where they were at my sides, brining them to his mouth, leaving soft kisses on each of them while looking into my eyes.

“as much as i hate that i saw you again, im real fuckin glad i did.” he whispered. i bit the inside of my cheek, watching his guilt filled eyes. “six months feels like hell when im away from you. will you try this again with me?” he asked.

my eyes welled with tears as i bit my lip. “you haven’t changed, luke. i know you haven’t,” i looked down at our feet. “you just want to bring back the past and hold on to what you lost.”

he shook his head, pulling me into his chest. “i’ve thought about you every minute of the day, y/n. i mean it. i mean, fucks sake i said your name when i kissed another girl. she kicked me out immediately when i had to explain that you’re my ex. i want this. i want you.” he begged, his eyes looking down at me, brimming with tears.

“i need time to think.” i whispered, blinking away the tears. he nodded, kissing the top of my head. i pulled away from him, grabbing the door handle.

“how about we go back to your house and get pizza? watch movies on the couch?” i asked, turning around to meet his gaze.

his eyes were wide. he nodded his head, quickly following me out of the bathroom.

i knew we could never be friends, we’d only ever be in love with each other.

[adaptacy]

It’s the anon with the Yearbook!Reader. Honestly surprised that was pumped out so fast with such quality, I was giggling when I read it ngl. Anyways, I am here to put forth another request for you to choose to do.

Got pretty boy Leland first.

Thinking about Leland and his S/O just relaxing in bed. Soft kisses, nice lil cuddles, some of that fluffy shi. My main point to this was called Leland pretty boy and just like, praising him. Give him all that TLC, babes deserves it.

(Could make it angst/comfort with Leland being insecure about scars he has after the Sawyer family incident, but just praising him for no reason is valid as hell)

It’d be chill if I sent several requests at the same time, yeah? I dont wanna fill up your request box, but I love your writing (Leland especially) and just have so many ideas at times. I also didn’t expect my request to be answered same day, usually takes a while, I’m willing to wait a week or two yknow.

-Kuhuahua

im- i- ik i havent been active on tumblr (ive been rping tcsm on discord <3) but i heard 1 song and it made me think of this request and then i rly wanted to write it SO here we go!

TW: aaaaaaangst with extra angst on the side.

Song recs: When You Gonna Run - Alpha Rev

He never talked about them. You understood why. Honestly, you doubted that he even spoke to his therapist about them. It's been four years. Even now, he still flinches when they're grazed, he whispers out quiet, "Not there, sweetheart," his voice tainted with a somber desperation, genuine hurt. You weren't sure if the pain was physical or emotional. Maybe both.

Four years and he still got teary-eyed if you asked about them, or referenced the incident at all. You'd learned not to, even if you did wish he would open up to you. For the first year that you were dating him you'd just assumed that he would talk about them when he was ready. But then the year came to an end. And so did the second one. And now, at 29 months with him, you'd stopped wishing. Gotten used to the shrugs and the soft sighs, the disdain in his gaze when you inquired about it.

So you didn't bring it up. But you knew he thought about it. Knew he felt it. Not talking about it was easy enough, after a while. But being close with him was hard. Physically close, that is. Every brush of your hand in the wrong spot, or a kiss on the wrong hand, touching your forehead a little to hard against the slit in his eyebrow-

29 months, and you still felt like shit for being unable to remember every single one of his scars. Every single placement- the big ones you could remember. But the small ones spanning the rest of his body, snips of horrors on his arms and the dots of regret on his torso, were impossible to map out.

He sat, watching the movie, next to you, one of his knees bent up to his chest while the other leg hung off of the couch, his chin propped up with one hand, his elbow resting on the cushioned arm of the loveseat, his other arm outstretched next to him, where his hand intertwined with yours.

The ones on his hands weren't bad. There were three on this one, tiny marks that you were surprised hadn't healed. You'd overheard the reason why; the second time you'd joined him at one of his doctor's appointments they'd mentioned him overworking himself, reopening the wounds. You wondered if they still hurt when he worked out.

Without thinking much of it, you scooted closer to him, only a few inches, and you snuck under his arm so that it hung off of your shoulder, though you refrained from leaning against him. He didn't react aside from a small squeeze of your hand. You lifted that hand and pushed a kiss to the back of it, earning his attention.

You didn't meet his eye. You didn't want to see the distant, aching hazel behind the kindness he usually showed. Didn't want to see the microscopic frown that tugged at his lips, you didn't want to see his chest rise and fall with another one of his dejected sighs. You just wanted to kiss him.

So you did, starting at the back of his hand and moving up, your mouth brushing against his arm just under another scar, your eyes closing. This time, it was you who sighed, and you took a gamble, moving your lips up and kissing the coarse patch of skin you'd avoided.

"Baby," he muttered, his voice tainted with the same sadness it held any time he was forced upon a reminder of his past. You didn't reply, nor did you stop, moving up to a different scar, this one closer to his shoulder, repeating the same for this one. A kiss, soft and lingering, before you pulled your head up and finally leaned it against his side.

"I think they're pretty."

There wasn't any reason you'd said it. Just that you'd felt it. And the words came to you, so you gifted them. Leland was quiet for a few minutes. His jaw rested against your temple, both of your heads turned towards the tv, though neither of you were really watching.

Whether he was insecure of them, or if they were still tender, or if they reminded him of the past, or, hell, all of it- they didn't change the way you saw him. Didn't change the way you loved him. You were with him to be with him, every part of him that you could manage to get a hold of. It was okay that he kept some things locked away.

You didn't understand, but you knew why. It was hard. Too difficult for him to remain cheerful when he thought about it. Too difficult to be perfect. Too difficult to feel like he was doing the right thing.

"I know you're hurt."

You couldn't stop yourself.

"I know I'm not ever gonna understand like you do. I know we're always gonna be distant. I know you don't like thinking about it."

But...

"I still love you. It was in the past. And I love you for your past, Lee. And I love you for our future, too. And- I love you right now, in the present."

He stayed quiet, though he leaned against your head a little more, his arm bringing you a bit closer.

"I think they're handsome. And... they're you, so I love them. I love every part of you. Even the scary parts, or the sad parts, or the parts you think are ugly. I love all of you."

At last, you looked up at him, just as he brought a hand to his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. His lip trembled as he looked down at you, but they trembled into a smile, a sad one, like a kicked puppy, but a smile nonetheless. You raised a hand too, cupping his jaw and brushing your thumb under his eye, which pulled a broken chuckle from him, and he sniffled, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Please, don't be," he replied, his voice cracking as he leaned into your palm, fighting to hold back. You scooted back, and he followed you, laying his head against your shoulder, a soft whine escaping him as he cried.

"I'm always gonna be here. I'm not gonna run. Not gonna leave you for your past. I- I just love you, Leland." Your arms wrapped around his neck as you held him close, resting your chin on his head as he cried, and you gently hushed him, doing your best to reassure.

He didn't often cry. Not to you. Sometimes, on his own time, or when you were pretending to be asleep, you could hear him. But he didn't want to push any of his weight onto you. Didn't want to burden you.

"I can shoulder some of it, y'know. Just cause you can lift a lot of weight doesn't mean you need to do it alone," you hummed, your words lighthearted despite being completely genuine. "I'm right here. I'm here to do it together. Here to be here- here to be yours."

You didn't expect a reply, but he gave one, weak and pained, snagging on his tears, an "I love you," short but sweet. You hugged him closer, leaning down to kiss another scar on the top of his back, and he didn't ask you not to, he didn't flinch, he just let it happen.

"You're perfect, Lee. Scars and all."

[therosebunpost]

Summer Vacation Regrets

—————

Steve Harrington x Disabled! Disfigured!Fem!Reader

The Summer where you finally get that major surgery, but for some reason you don’t want to hang out with Steve before it happens. (A prequel/drabble to my Regret Series)

TW: Underaged drinking, heavily discussion of surgery, self esteem issues, hospitals, mentions of a near death incident, Reader is as neutral as possible but this story is heavily influenced by my life and experiences, so there may be some incidental coding. (Please feel free to give me feed back on anyway I can make this better!)

(Not beta’d, so I apologize for grammar)

—————

Steve was looking forward to summer. He already had it mapped out. Taking a job at the pool as a lifeguard, he was determined to save up for a car by the time he was 16 years old. His parents were proud, he was proud, and you were proud. Proud enough to promise him that you’d make the trek to hang out with him at the pool as many times as your parents let you, or you could sneak away on your big, clunky three wheeled bike.

It’s why getting that call was so confusing.

“I…I can’t hang out with you at the pool anymore. At least not for a few months.”

“Months? How many??”

There was some muttering on the line that Steve couldn’t quite make out. Not that he was really focusing on it too much. Months? You wouldn’t hang out with him for months?

“Two, two months.”

He says your name, exasperated. “That’s almost the entire summer! We’ll only have a month left!”

More muttering, now he can hear the sudden pain in your voice. “Wait, it…it might be…the whole Summer, Stevie.”

“What?!”

“I just came back from my doctor. They say it’s finally time, that I’m so close to getting my prosthetic. I just need to um, do something else first. That I need to recover from. So, no pool or anything.”

That gets him to calm down, just a bit. Right, your appointment. Your surgery. “Well, alright. Then we’ll just hang out another way! You know there’s that movie coming out, maybe you can ask your mom-“

“I can’t.”

Steve blinks, once again confused. “O…kay. I’ll bring stuff over then! Or you can come over! Oh, we could hang out in my pool. Does your mom know I’m a lifeguard? I promise we’ll be super safe, and she can even stay over with you, we have the room-!”

“I don’t want you to see me!”

There was that pain in your voice again.

"Oh god Steve it's, it's so awful. They have to put this implant inside of me, and it's gonna end up looking like this growth on my face. I hate it, I hate this so fucking much." You finally break down on the phone and Steve takes a moment to gather what your saying.

Sometimes the things you went through confused him. He's known you for years at this point but your condition still didn't make a lot of sense to him. From what you've told him, it didn't make sense to your doctor's either.

"...So I can't see you at all? You really are gonna spend all summer alone?"

"We can still call." You rush to tell him, and Steve can imagine the way you strangle the phone cord in your hands. "I dont…i just don't want to be seen. But I'll call you. i'll call you everyday."

"...When is it? The..implant?"

"Next week. Im going to home school for the last weeks of school."

"Holy shit, your serious?"

"Yeah. It's…Its bad, Steve. I…I cried after they told me the plan. Right in the room with mom."

"...Will you at least come over one more time this week? At least come hang out at the pool once?"

"..I'll ask mom."

-.-.-

Your mom does say yes, and hanging out at the pool was just as fun as Steve thought it would be. Sure, you couldn't swim but you hung out with him in the guard chairs. You spent the night, and you both sneak out to hang by his pool, alone.

Steve, ever the bad influence at times, passes you the bottle of beer. "...Are you really not going to do anything? Or see anybody?"

"...I just…I think I was finally starting to accept my appearance and now this? For months? I just…I hate it so much. Its like the universe hates me."

"It's probably won't be as bad as you think, I mean-"

"It's gonna be pretty damn bad. like, it's gonna be the size of my cheek. Maybe even bigger! I'll look gross." You lean back against the warm ground.

"The doctor said they could do a skin graph but they wanted to use the skin on my face first so it matches better. But like come on, it's all my skin, the difference can't be that much! It's not like they had that issue trying to use a part of my rib as a prosthetic!"

"....Didn't you say that your body…like…sucked it back in and that's why it didn't work?"

".....Okay, fair but still! A balloon?? On my face? It's like they don't even fucking care how awful that's going to be.The stares I'll get, the grossed out faces. It's like, how do they expect me to live with that?"

Steve laid down with you, and while he didn't know a lot about what you were going on about, he knows your frustrated.

"Remember when you got that bar on your face? The metal one?"

You gave him a look. "..Yeah?"

"You lived after that. You survived."

"I was like, five."

"So? You gonna let a five year old be braver than you?"

"Oh that is not the same-"

"Okay, what about when you got that thing out of your stomach? The feeding thing-"

"My G-tube?"

"Yeah. You literally bragged about having your stomach stuff coming out of you and just living with it. We were like, ten?"

"Im still not over the fact that the doctors didn't believe me about it not closing all the way, those jackasses."

Steve says your name and you sigh. "Okay fine, but that was then and this is now. I'm older, I care more about myself."

Steve snickers and you reach over and shove at him. He makes a show of nearly falling into the pool which you scoff at.

"Last summer, you and I went out on a canoe together without a person with us. Mind you, you could have died if we tipped over. We gave the counselors a heart attack."

You laugh at the memory, the rebellion rushing through your veins. "I had you with me!"

For a moment Steve is taken aback, but he's quick to shake his head with a smile. "Obviously. But anyway, are you gonna let this get you? Are you just not gonna hang out with me because of a bunch of assholes? Do you think I'm an asshole?"

That makes you whip around to face him, aghast. "No, Steve what-"

He levels you with a long stare. "Then why do you think I'd care about it? You're my friend. I wanna spend the summer with you. Not just over the phone, which is bullshit because you hate phone calls anyway."

It's a moment like this where you ponder the real reason you don't want him to see you. The real reason that you refuse to acknowledge because it will never happen.

Only in fairy tales, or movies, or books. Things that happened to Pretty Girls, like the ones Steve talks about sometimes.

"...I'm scared." You whisper, softly. "...I'm really scared, Steve. This…this is going to change my life. I dunno if I'm ready for that." You look out at the water, which glows from the pool lights. "I've been told my whole life how this will fix things. Fix me. Getting this prosthetic, getting my trach taken out. There's gonna be a lot of benefits, yeah, but…I'm angry that I have to do this shit. I'm angry that it's something I just have to grin, and bare because there's no other fucking alternative."

Steve watches you as you talk. His eyes trained on the shape of your lips, the way the sounds are altered, the light of the pool on your face. You look…tired. More tired than anyone your age should be.

"....You know uh…worms?" He snickers a little when you furrow your eyes at him. "They go through that thing, that change thing."

"Metamorphosis."

"Yeah, metamor-whatever."

"Okay, end? Also those are caterpillars."

"Your a worm!"

"Caterpillar."

"Oh my god, shut up-"

You laugh, silent but obvious with the way your shoulders shake and you lean your head back.

"But like yeah, this is you going through your meta-thing. You're gonna be a pretty butterfly or Oh! A Swan. Yeah."

Pausing at his words, you can feel the heat creep up your cheeks. "...Pretty?" You echo, shy and just a little uncertain.

"Well duh. Really pretty." Steve insists, beaming at you. It's a brash, kinda backwards compliment but he's trying. He's really trying, and you aren't sure if you can keep shoving those fluttering feelings away.

-—————-

Those last three weeks of school pass. Steve doesn't get to see you until the first week of Summer, where he bikes all the way to your house. He had called to tell you he was coming, so he doesn't knock when he gets there.

"So, how did it go- Whoa-"

Well, you were not kidding. The implant was obvious. Very obvious, and Steve forced himself not to stare at it. Not that it mattered, since you were already crumbling away from him.

"It's awful, I know-" You gush, devastated. "Feels weird too." Your eyes are red rimmed from crying and Steve stands there awkwardly. Fuck, he was not good with crying.

"No! It's…Its not that bad. I just had a hard time picturing what it looked like when you told me." He explains, the words spilling from him. It was the truth, he really didn't know what to expect. "It's not bad, I swear on my collection of baseball cards, it's not!"

You narrow your eyes at him. "...Even the signed ones?"

"Yeah."

Your shoulders slowly relax and you rub at your eyes. You were always good at coming back from crying. Steve, well, he wishes he could bounce back that fast.

"..Wanna watch a movie?" He suggests, already heading into the living room. "Any one you want!"

-----

After that, the weeks passed and you slowly grew bored of keeping yourself locked away like some princess, or troll. You slowly started joining your mother on her errands. The implant grew and grew, but after a while you got used to it. Steve barely glanced at it anymore, instead focused on spending the summer with you, whenever you had the chance.

You do end up hanging out with him during lifeguard duties. He jokes about having you as his assistant whenever you bring him water or snacks, but you always retaliate with squirting at his hair with a water gun.

It's not all perfect. You do get stares. People sometimes avoid you, and kids your age are cruel, but Steve is there. He's getting popular, and with whatever grade school cred he has, he makes sure to use some of it to protect you.

It all shifts when the surgery finally arrives. You and Steve are sitting out by his pool again, now a month and a half older. "...I'm gonna miss you, at camp." He states, taking a sip of another beer.

"...Your still going??" You raise an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"Because I like it? Besides, I'm thinking about being a counselor. Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well, I…I mean I'm not gonna be there." You state, and the words sound ridiculous as soon as you let them out. Steve laughs and you shove at him. "I'm gonna miss you, sure, but I still wanna go! I need to defend my swimming record, and I already have what I'm gonna wear for theme night! Wouldn't you still go if I couldn't?"

The way he says it, it sounds like the answer should be obvious. The camp was for people like you, after all.

He says your name after a moment, confused. "...Wouldn't you?"

"...I dunno." You admit after a moment, breathing in slowly. "....It's kinda fun, but sometimes I hate the atmosphere. I hate the way the counselors talk to me at times, like I'm stupid. I don't feel like…I'm disabled enough to warrant even being there. Hanging out with you, it actually makes me enjoy it. It feels like an actual camp."

Steve doesn't say anything for a while. You watch the way his brows furrow, and the contemplative frown on his lips. "...Does that mean…last year was your last year?"

You ponder it before shaking your head. "...I want to go with you." You shrug, picking at a loose thread on your swim suit. "If you become a counselor, then I will too! Like hell am I gonna let you boss me around even more."

He laughs, loud and clear. You're jealous, and awed all at the same time. "But I will probably stop one day, I think."

Steve nods, and you wonder if the sadness in his eyes is just a trick of the light.

----

The next morning, you go in for early surgery. Steve is antsy the whole day, though he isn't sure why. You were a pro at this! He's heard countless stories about your various surgeries, so why does this one feel so…great? Monumental?

He doesn't get to come see you until the next day. He walks in, holding a bouquet of flowers and a plush of your favorite animal. He hopes he doesn't look as tired as he feels. He woke up early at 6 AM, zoning out to Twilight Zone reruns until 8, where he stumbled around to get ready to see you again. It hadn't been that long ago, but it felt like maybe you had gone three months without seeing each other.

As he makes his way over to your room, he's reminded of an episode he watched. A hospital themed one. It kind of confused him, really. The woman got surgery to be beautiful, but it failed.

Steve turns a corner, and passes a plastic surgery office where he can hear the distant sounds of a meeting.

He remembers watching the bandages being removed, and thinking he heard them wrong. The woman was beautiful. The surgery was a success and yet…the hospital staff had recoiled. He had been blown away by the revelation of what the doctors and nurses looked like, and something in the back of his mind wished you could have seen it with him.

He steps into the hospital room, his eyes landing on you. Your face isn't fully bandaged up, but there's a strip of cloth that keeps your mouth shut. You look as exhausted as he feels. Your eyes slowly open to see him, only to become slightly panicked.

"Hey." He greets, slowly walking closer and settling down in the plastic chair beside your bed. You don't say anything, you can't, but Steve does. "Y'know, I'm kinda confused." He admits, gently placing the tiny stuffed toy on your bed. “I don’t think the doctors did much.” You make a noise of confusion, gesturing at the bandage on your face. Obviously they did, what was he even getting at here?

"No, really. Like sure, the balloon thing is gone, but you look the same to me, Miss Butterfly." He admits, leaning on his arms and gazing up at you. Watching as the words slowly register. You slowly smile, eyes shining with tears before you wince and grab at your notepad.

'Stop making me smile, my face hurts like a bitch. >:('

He laughs, shaking his head and reaching over to grab the remote for the TV. "I'll ask the nurse for more drugs, maybe you'll be a little nicer to me." He grins, and flips through the channels. "But hey, there's this episode I want you to see.."

Midway through the re-runs, you fall asleep. The drugs and the pain dragging you under. Steve sits there, his hand in yours. He eyes the IV, his thumb brushing against the bandage keeping it inside. His gaze travels up your arm, and lands on your face. Your expression wasn’t exactly peaceful, but he was glad you were resting.

“I was scared this morning.” He admits, emboldened by the silence. “I know you’re like, super good at all of this, but…yeah.” He trails off, letting his eyes slowly drift closed. “You do look really pretty. In your hospital bed, or..anywhere really. You always have.”

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent/personal/health/long post

Omggg so today has been so unbELIEVABLY shitty

First i wake up in pain still from my back going out on sunday when I woke up. That was expected though. My dental aligner trays hurt like a motherfucker to pull out still. Then im getting a quick breakfast together and I get a text from the clinic saying my doctors appointment i needed before tomorrow is canceled AGAIN. I had to check with the clinic and the specialist (appointment tomorrow) if its okay if I have renewed referral clinic appointment next week. So fingers crossed thats okay, because thats whats happening its not possible to see the clinic before the specialist, and ive had the specialist appointment for months, and the clinic only told me i need to renew the referral on last friday, and ive had appointments every day this week. Whatever. It is what it is.

Then im pouring cereal, drizzle a little agave on top because its unsweetened, and then immediately knock the bowl over all over my lap, sticky side down. I still cant go pick up the bits under the table now, because its killing my back to even pull the chair out, my back is in such bad shape. (Was gonna ask the clinic doctor to help out w it too but i guess im going this whole week without a treatment plan, just taking old painkillers lmao.)

Speaking of painkillers, i have one left of this bottle. I have another painkiller type, but its way too strong, and even if i cut it in half itll be too strong, but im gonna have to use that if i dont have any improvement.

So all that above was the easy peasy part of my day. Next is my appointment to renew state benefits (for food). I get EVERYTHING ready all gathered into the one spot in my room i know i can get consistent cell service, and settle down. Phone appointment time comes. I hear the landline downstairs ring. Fuck. I grab my phone and paperwork and i cant make it in time both because of my back problems and also because the landline only rings twice. I literally grabbed the phone as the case worker stopped speaking on the machine. Fuck again. I cant understand the phone number they said on the machine. It takes me a minute to realize its the same number on my paper work. I try to call but my house is a dead zone. Go back to my room, get put thru to the robot answering machine because its the general number. Not a callback number. Fuck. The robot then hangs up on me saying theres a high call volume and to call back later.

But my appointment is now! I call again and get hung up on. I call again and finally get put on hold. This is like 20 minutes after my appointment time because it takes like 7 minutes of talking to the robot to get put into a call. So im on hold, i hear the landline so i rush downstairs to try and get it again but im too late (probably a robo call, we get a lot). There was no new message, so i stay on hold, where im expecting an 80 minute wait time.

Completely fucked up process when i had an appointment scheduled! I shouldve been able to call the worker back on the available phone.

Anyway. Im dying in pain and sobbing on the phone and end up having to sit on the kitchen chair thats hard wood because i got reception in there and i wanted to be closer to the landline just in case. Im sobbing for like the first 2 hours bc of pain from exterting myself rushing around the house. I try sending off a message on the online portal. But its like 'we'll get back to you within 5 days' lol.

My battery gets low so I risk bringing my phone to my room to use the bathroom and grab a charger, take off my dental trays (more pain) so i can eat and drink something. More pain when i get back downstairs.

Im on hold for longer. So i start looking for someone higher up to pester because the whole situation is fucked. Around 3 hours on hold i send off an email to someone whos the director of that org at the county.

Its at this point i realise i might be racking up a huge phone bill, so i start telling myself 'ok sunk cost fallacy this isnt worth the wait' and i start trying to log back into the portal (which id already been doing like 20 times already this day) to request a new appointment. Then the portal keeps logging me out as soon as i log in. And i cant reset my password or do anything.

Im about to give up, going nuts after hearing the same note played over and over on the hold music. And someone fucking answers the phone.

Ho lee shit. I couldnt believe it.

A 4 hour hold that actually produced results????

Apparently all their systems are down and the worker was like 'okay yeah youre gonna be the last person i process today i am not able to access anything right now' and even had to do some stuff manually, but my case is renewed and everything should be settled now

So yeah that was over 4 hours of torture being in the uncomfortable kitchen for so long, when i WAS prepared for my appointment ahead of time. Ugh. I shouldnt have to hurt myself to get this done, but no one else was in the house to catch the landline for me, and i didnt know i could get reception in the kitchen.

(Kind of worked out tho bc i wouldve had to hang up if my doctors appointment today didnt cancel, and also i wouldve hung up if the online portal functioned)

The sad thing is im not even done. i gotta deal with another appointment tomorrow in another town. (Already had to go out of town on tuesday for the teeth aligners/tmj appliances), like the car is not comfortable for my injured back lmao

I dont think the appointment tmr is anything big its prob just a check up and to renew meds, but getting there, early in the morning, is gonna be fucking hard. I doubt this doc will do anything for my back or regular level of chronic pain, but im gonna make a big stink about it because i havent stopped being in pain for like ever, and the past month has just been so fucking hard on me with trying to help family do labor intensive stuff (which is probably why my back got fucked and gave up on sunday)

It really fucking sucks being in chronic pain and no doctors wanna do anything to treat the pain. Ive already been on every type of antidepressant and none of them helped my fibro or depression. Ive actually felt a LOT better since stopping them last winter. But im still in a lot of pain all the time. I dont wnna be like 'give me painkillers' but... give me painkillers. I was so comfortable when i was on them regularly in the past. And then the whole opioid crisis thing happened and now no one gives them to me except when i had endo flare ups (which. Lol. They barely do anything for endo pain. Which is why i was so surprised they did anything at all for my back pain when i took one on sunday!) I have always been responsible with them and always took the lowest dose (cut them in half back then) because i dont like the feeling of painkillers lololol

God tho this back pain... on sunday it was so humiliating, i kept getting stuck where i was because the pain was so bad. Even just lying flat on my back was excruciating. I was Almost at the point where i wouldve needed help to use the bathroom. Even now, while my back is much better (still terrible tho) and with painkillers, i can barely twist to grab toilet paper or reach to dry myself. It fucking sucks. Getting clothes on and off? Sucks. Especially reaching to get my feet out of pants or socks on and off.

You dont realize how much you took for granted until you struggle to do basic daily movement. I thought i was doing so well too because ive been lifting weights since februrary! Just arm workouts tho. Was doing situps until i had another endo flare up in spring. I always forget how bad severe pain situations are, either with an injury or my endo flare ups. Im living in constant fear of the next endo flare up and that sucks too. My current back problem is like, spikes of level 10 pain with movement. The endo flare ups is sustained level 10 pain. So theyre not even comparable but its still super severe.

Anyway. This has been super rough on me. Especially the added pain and overstimulation of the new back pain, and now the constant pain and headache from the teeth aligners, which is another thing im super scared about. What if it ends up making my jaw worse? What if i pull out a tooth? God just prying them off my teeth is like getting teeth pulled it hurts so much. Im like crying when i have to take the bottom one off, the hook digs into my gums and then when one side comes off its excruciatingly stuck on the other side. Literally feels like teeth being pulled. Im surprised my one crown is still in place (ive been pulling from the opposite side to try and save it). And ive already lost a bunch of the tooth spikes they added to keep the aligners in place, but the office is like a 2 hour drive away so i cant just go get the spike replaced. I dont even have a car or license i have to coordinate with family lol. And the brand is like so new theres no online discussions about it so i cant even commiserate or see how people manage to cope with this level of constant pain from the trays, pulling them out, or the extra large bite guard i cant even close my lips around at night. My teeth are so crooked i cant even tell if its in the right placement bc my teeth dont fit in the bite guard tray. So lol. Im trying.

So yeah i dont have faith in my doctors im scared starting treatment is just gonna make things worse especially because thats been the case my whole life. Ill try to get treated for something and then it reveals or causes something much worse i need to treat. But im trying. Its just hard when i have to treat so many fucking illnesses all at once, and theyre all super painful.

Im fucking tired. Want this week to be over. Want to just sleep, but i cant even do that without being in excruciating pain every time i try to move position. Life rly sucks for me rn.

So thats my vent.

Oh yeah, also dermatillomania has been severe lately too lol. So i look a mess but thankfully my lips get covered by my mask. I was so scared the tmj doc was gonna comment on it but i accidentally forgot to take my piercings out before the appointment so he ended up making conversation about those instead of the glaring wounds on my lips and fingers. (He did notice my bandaids on my fingers lol)

So yeah. Send prayers and gay vibes my way pls i rly need it. Fffff time to go cry and put my trays back in

[hootsewers]

okay so first of all, how dare you, but second of all

some time last month i went to a place called The Paper Store because i thought it was gonna be stationary and like artsy shit but no it was just a hallmark gift store which was incredibly lame but i decided to look around inside anyways cause i was already there. this was just after halloween so all the christmas shit was in full-swing as were general like lame things to take up space under trees such socks that said "fuck this shit" hidden behind a sock-shaped cardboard sign that said "STRONG LANGUAGE MUST BE OVER 18" and a one-quart wine glass that said "JUST ONE MORE."

anyways

there was a jellycat section in there. if you aren't already aware, jellycat is a uk-based company that makes Very Good soft toys. I owned like four jellycats toys at this point, including a large Bashful Dragon which is my current favorite plushy here he is:

(don't mind the fact that im strangling him i was just excited that he'd finally arrived in the mail. very soft fur but fairly firm body, sits up on his own. 10/10 he's great)

so i was like, ah fuck, my wallet. i have like 90 items on my wishlist on their fucking website so i KNOW i'm not leaving this store without a little creature. they have one of the octopi i'd been wanting for a while at a slightly cheaper price than the website, so i was like fine, i'll let myself have that. but then i saw Them

just like. sat next to each other like that. matching. i didn't really have much prior interest in the bashful bunny series aside from maybe getting a big one in the future, and these were the kinda default "medium" size but like. they were all together. and i was like "if i leave them here alone they might get separated. they're already friends. i have to bring them all home."

so yeah i left a store i didnt even actually want to be in with $80 worth of plush toys lol

anyways i got home and was recounting all this to my roommate because i have a compulsion to justify all of my wanton spending to anyone who sees that i've bought something.

for additional context, i've been friends with this rat bastard since 2014, WAY before i got diagnosed, and their younger brother is also on the spectrum in a very similar Flavor. so like they like...kinda knew before i did that i was autistic? but didn't know how to say "hey maybe you should talk to your doctor about this" without sounding rude as fuck so they tried to just casually drop hints that i remind them of their brother which, like, idk if you've ever tried to drop hints with an autistic person, it does Not fucking work lmfao. they were in the house when i had my telehealth appointment earlier this year where i finally got diagnosed and they revealed all of that information to me when i excitedly told them that i finally had an answer about Why I Am The Way I Am lmfao. if that sounds Dickish rest assured that it's just the way we are at each other and i give them just as much shit for assorted other things but anyways

i go on and on about how I was only gonna get the octopus but then i saw the bunnies and they were already friends so i had to take them all and my roommate looked me dead in the eyes and was like

"edwin i don't want this to sound mean, and i say this with all the respect in the world, but did you ever really think you weren't autistic?"

anyways thats the story of getting read to filth by my allistic roommate and then immediately afterwords by the title of a scientific article

[bright-and-burning]

Re: your iron deficiency saga. First, I'm so sorry you've been cursed with a doctor like that. It's the absolute worst to not be taken seriously by a medical professional whose job is to take patients concerns seriously and treat them accordingly.

Do you have any option at all to go to other doctors? Like, have other people assess the situation or something so that you can find someone who actually does their job? I had a similar problem recently (other symptoms, but also a doctor that was not taking necessary action) and I ended up consulting four different doctors in my area until I found someone that actually heard me out and while it was exhausting, I am so glad I did it because I'm now getting the treatment I need. I don't know if it works like this in the US, so sorry if this completely useless to you. Either way, I hope you can figure out a good solution!

thank anon <3 i can shop around (i actually pay quite a bit more for insurance each month to have that ability lol) but the wait times for doctors rn are EGREGIOUS (and i don’t know what im doing… the us healthcare system is literally like. i feel like a character in a greek myth being punished for my hubris. just trying to do normal stuff 😭) and the idea of waiting 1-3 months to see someone just for them to also dismiss my concerns.. i would set a building on fire. i genuinely liked her a Lot prior to this, she took some other concerns of mine seriously and got me scheduled for a lot of things i was hella behind on (and she had good bedside manner which was very important to me lol) so im hoping she clutches up in the end so i don’t have to go through the search all over again only three months after finding her

my doctor did say she wanted to make an appointment to discuss my symptoms (which is better than fully dismissing me out of hand, even if i’m still mad she called my iron results “great” when they’re like. objectively not), im just waaaay worse at talking abt my concerns and being articulate enough to be understood on the spot. so im gonna schedule the appointment and bring citations lmfao

[stardustinmyhands]

3/4/24

We find out this week if we get the apartment we applied for on Saturday. It had a washer dryer, and a dishwasher. Which will make cleaning so much more easy for me.

I’m kinda sore today. I did a $262 Costco run today. So that wore me out.

Everything is so loud. My neighbors were outside today and talking and omg they were so fucking loud. I had to shut the door.

My back and neck are still today, but yesterday I was so sore and still from work I could barely walk. I took a lot of good meds and slept very well.

Sunday morning I woke up at midnight and couldn’t get back into a good sleep. Just snoozed till my alarm went off. Every one at work was like you look tired.

I wasn’t able to do much around the house today. A few little things, but the Costco run was a lot. I also got gas, which is a good thing the car took 9.5 gallons, the tank is 12 gallons. So she was hungry.

I think im done searching for apartments. I just happened to do a google search while we were driving and we found were we wanna live. The office was still open and we applied after looking at a unit. So hopefully we find out sooner rather than later.

After that we went to Sprouts. We saw someone’s pet pig. I saw online if you see a pig it means good luck in a couple cultures. We saw it after submitting the apartment application so hopefully piggie brings us luck.

I see my pain doctor tomorrow. Wednesday I see my stomach dr and my ortho doc to get gel shots in my knees.

I have a lot of doctor appointments this month.

I live in central Phoenix right now and moving to Mesa. But I’m still gonna keep all my doctors. I can get free rides via my insurance, so I won’t have to use my car if my girlfriend is using it.

I will switch my work IVIG Infusions to Mesa. Just because it’s closer to home. Make it a little easier. My primary care doctor is already in Mesa so that works out.

[bishiglomper]

Cannot sleeeeeep. Have to w h i i i i n e

Woke up to stabbies. Been getting these electrical stabs the last couple weeks. Figure its fibro. I dont see why it would be my new pill. But my body picks a spot and then it feels like im being STUNG. REPEATEDLY. Tonight its the opposite spot of my scar's location.

And i hear beeping. I think its bro's alarm. He does not wake up easily. If i tell him to turn it off, he will and go back to sleep.

And the nephew keeps turning on the hallway light.

And I'm obsessing over a niece issue.

Bong water has not been using a litterbox. They're upstairs, i think she just isn't going upstairs anymore.

Conversation with niece went like:

"I picked up 2 piles of poop from bong water last night."

"You can take her back to my apartment whenever you want"

"Are you going to be there?"

"Nope."

"If i bring a litterbox down, will you help me clean it?"

"I dont do the litterbox at MY house."

Bitch. You do not deserve a fucking cat. Or any pet. She killed her rats from neglect.

If i wasnt so against returning poor helpless furbabies to the shelter for insignificant reasons...........

But also we already have FOUR CATS. We were supposed to stop at Cinderbelle. But then Pantera, Pooka and Reno happened....

We cannot own another cat. It's already been a month. If the landlord notices... 😣 We've babysat other animals before but like i said its been a month. Niece doesnt seem to have plans for leaving either. I guess shes fine paying rent for an empty house and just sleeping on our couch forever. If we kick her out, she'll just couch surf. At least her boyfriend is in jail.....ffs

I barely have the executive function to clean MY cats litterboxes, and they're right outside my door. For just this purpose. I'm not gonna be able to do a downstairs one. I cannot tote the container of litter between flights. Just. No.

I dont think i can tell her friend (original owner of bw) to take her because she lives with a toxic af mother and i dont think the situation is safe.

SO, WHAT DO D:

Also the house is so bad. Made worse by now cat shit all over the place. But everyone is really struggling physically, and between the house and our own bodies, our mental health is fucked up too.

Moms stomach is fucked. She does not want to eat. She does. She resorts to junk food when she gets hungry but i cant complain because she wont let us feed her otherwise.

And sissy fucked up her back. I dont know what all shes doing for it but shes done muscle relaxants, back brace and tens unit occassionally. She refuses a heating pad for some reason.

Lately my symptoms are fibro shit, stomach pain, asthma, a strained/tired back, and tachycardia. The tachicardia is the worst because it kicks up when I get up. And eat. It settles down when i rest. Also the asthma. Just going up/down the stairs makes me do this dry throat clearing kind of cough for the next 10 minutes after the tiniest pinch of exertion. And I've woken up gasping a few nights.

Those two need to see some fuckin doctors. Mine can't do anything for me, but at least I jump through those fuckin hoops. I see everyone. All the specialists. I'm trying my best here. I have some major flaws that im sure frustrate the family, but this irritates me that they won't see people.

Mom especially. The only appointments she has are for literal surgical consults and she flaked on ONE situation already. Next one is for somethig else. No idea if she'll ever do anything about her previous issue she needs fixed 🙄😤

And also my sister is going blind and has high blood pressure but won't take her medicine. Her reasoning is because then she'll have to order more and go through setting it up and shit. Executive function issues i guess. Mom has been setting it up and giving it to her but i never remember and sometimes she forgets too.

Like do you know how many pills i take to have some semblance of function and not die? This is also frustrating to see.

I don't know what to do about any of this.

If we got rid of the cat, the niece would disown us. Which honestly, if she werent already riding a fine line of unsafe i wouldn't mind so much, she'd get over it eventually. Once she had the maturity to. 🙄 Because it's not like it would be out of spite. But sissy is on eggshells making sure we dont push her away. Probably into the arms of another halfway house resident. 😒

Uuuhhgggg

[stormyoceans]

I'm so scared of doctors. I have a few chronical diseases, not serious, but you better check them out every six months. Can't make myself do it. Let's meet at Last Twilight -Vice Versa-JimmySea emotional support group to cry about it

BUILDING A PILLOW FORT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND BRINGING OUT THE CHAMOMILE AND THE COOKIES AND THE CHOCOLATE SO WE CAN COMFORT EACH OTHER

im glad im not alone in this ;; and like. im sure there are great doctors out there….. somewhere……… but i personally had so many bad experiences with them that now even just the thought of having to see one sets off my anxiety pretty badly. it’s also the ridiculous amount of energies and time i need to waste to even get to see a doctor: endless hours on the phone to try to get an appointment for a spot that, if im lucky, is gonna be available only MONTHS later, and when the day finally comes i’ll STILL have to wait hours because they’re NEVER on time…….

i’ve reached a point where i’d rather keep feeling bad until i can’t take it anymore rather than going to a doctor, which isn’t good because health is the most important thing!!!!! taking care of ourselves should be our priority!!!!! and it’s not fair that we don’t feel comfortable doing that!!!!!

wish i could be there to hold your hand through it and offer my support, anon. let’s try to make it our new year’s resolution to do a full check up so we can be sure to be in our top form for when last twilight comes out!!!!

[batmanego]

i've had akathisia once (comes from antidepressants/neuroleptics etc) and it can feel quite similar to restless leg syndrome (i felt forced to walk/move all the time) so maybe if you take such medications you should talk to your doctor about it if it's new? i'm just guessing tho i domt know you, i just read your post and my akathisia warning system went off. i sincerely hope that it's something else and that you're fine!

i've been on zoloft foooooor...... Ummmmmmmm over a year now (my medication timeline was prozac -> lexapro -> zoloft). i dont think it's to do with that because my dose hasn't changed at all recently! but i appreciate the lookout -- i have an appointment with my doctor next month and im gonna be bringing up the restless leg thing. your concern is very appreciated <3333

[novaalexander]

Swinging - Chapter Two

MCU!Peter Parker x Reader

chapter one

everything novaalexander

Synopsis - A rocky friendship between Peter and Y/N didn’t end smoothly. So when Peter comes back into y/n’s life in full swing, Senior year becomes a lot more than just college applications.

Before you read - kinda lazily written. im very tired so apologizing in advanced

Word Count 1092

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Oh. Fuck off.

     I tried to mask the fact that I was more than worried about the state of Peter’s body, allowing myself to relish in the selfishness — mind drifting to how I would rather lay back in bed than open my window. But I knew how this went. The second I pulled his heaving body through the small open square in my room, I’d be rushing to patch up every torn inch of his skin. I remembered the hundreds of times I’d done this before, the first being the night Peter told me he was Spider-man. It was a memory I would always go back to if I thought about him for too long, but a feeling I felt only in my nightmares now.

     It took me more than a few seconds to shake off the feeling of seeing Peter on the fire escape again, but before I knew it I made quick work of the window latch, throwing myself onto the metal landing. I didn’t have time to assess the damage before I started hoisting him into my room with his arm wrapped loosely around my shoulders, keeping my grasp on his torso tight.

     “Hey Pete,” I whispered as my feet hit my room’s hardwood floor, “Pete… Can you stand?” His response was barely a shake of his head, followed by a wince that meant he probably gained a headache along with the cuts scattered on his body. “Alright Pete, I’m gonna need you to kick your legs over the window sill, I have you from there.”

     His arm was still draped around me as he slowly moved to bring himself through the window. “Atta boy, you’re doing good.” Every sudden movement made him wince, and every wince of pain pushed his body weight further into my shoulders.

     Once his legs dangled over the small white ledge under the window, I moved between his legs. “Okay Pete, place your other arm on this shoulder,” I patted my left shoulder, his left arm still pressed heavily on my right shoulder. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to lift him fully, I opted to lower him onto the ground. I placed a hand on his back to guide him off the window sill, letting him place all of his weight on me. I felt the warmth of his breath as he finally stood slumped in front of me, his tall height shortened while he hunched over holding his ribs.

     I managed to bring his half-limp body to my bed fairly quick, letting his body fall backwards as I searched for the first aid kit—reminded of a time that even after Peter and I stopped talking, I still made use of the red bag under my bed. Nights he would land on my fire escape and let me bandage him up wordlessly, leaving the way he came the second I placed the last bandage.

     “Peter Benjamin Parker, do not go through that window,” I urged. I watched Peter realize that I had spoken directly to him, and he froze.

     At this point, Peter and I haven’t spoke in six months, but our nightly doctor appointments stayed constant. It was wordless, a quick patch up, then over before any conversation started. August before junior year did away with civil communication between us, so bandages were our libretto.

     I didn’t have to speak again, he knew the question that was itching my throat, and part of me already knew the answer.

     “You’re the only one who knows, you know that.”

     I was the only person who knew, the day I found out was similar to this one. Yet for some reason, the feeling that he was lying stuck.

     My stare made him uncomfortable, he gave that away as his hunched body straightened and he rocked this feet on the ground.

     “I think it’s better if you don’t come to me for this sort of thing anymore,” I breathed out slowly, waiting for him to finally look at me. “You don’t speak when you’re here, you don’t speak to me at all actually. Why don’t you ask Liz for help, since she seems to know you so much better than I do,” I wasn’t whispering anymore.

     “Shut up, y/n.” He looked at me. For the first time in what had been months, his eyes met mine for more than half a second as he made his way towards my seat on the bed. “She doesn’t know me better than you do and you fucking know that. You think I’d tell her about this?” He pushed his mask into my chest, letting it fall from his hands into my lap. “Maybe if you knew how to stop being so fucking jealous all the time, things could have stayed the way they were.”

     I looked at the floor, grasping the fabric between two tight fists, before holding it out in front of me with one hand. I didn’t bother to look up, “Just go, Peter.”

     After grabbing the medikit, I finally let my eyes trace over his ripped apart suit. Blood had dried around three large gashes on his stomach. The bruise on his left cheek had already yellowed, and the cut just under it had dried to brown.

     Unlike our final six months, I filled the quiet air with silent praises towards Peter as I pushed disinfectant into his wounds. I’d never seen him look like this. I wasn’t able to unzip his suit, so I had to make do with the access the tears in the red and blue fabric allowed.

     Peter barely moved aside from silent flinches as I applied pressure to his wounds. Even then I had to check his pulse what felt like every few seconds, convincing myself that I imagined the subtle movements and the boy was laying dead in the same place I’d once seen him sleeping next to me.

     I did imagine it, lucky, but by the time I patched him up to the best of my ability, he was completely asleep. His lower half laid hanging off my bed, and it took the little energy I had left to make sure his body was completely under the covers of the queen sized mattress.

     I looked at the clock on my phone to see ‘3:32′ in bold white before shutting it off. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to sleep on the couch without prompting suspicion from my family, I opted for a few blankets on the floor. Using two hoodies from my hamper as DIY pillows, I fell asleep sprawled on the hardwood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N short short short chapter because I want to get to writing a second part to Grew Apart, but also need to grind out a college personal essay And portfolio so you get a little glimpse into the past with this. :D

[horce-divorce]

good news!! my new gastro is FANTASTIC!!!!

i just got back from my appointment and like, first of all, i fucking love this guy, I wish he was my doctor for literally everything because he sat down, made eye contact, LISTENED to me, EXPLAINED EVERYTHING, not only the terms he was using but his own thought process and everything he'd be doing moving forward, drew diagrams?! and validated my concerns... right off the bat, he asked me what I thought it could be, and then actually took that into account (!!!!!). he sent me out of there feeling reassured AND with new information, making sure we were both on the same page first. like, wow. 11/10, the bar previously was on the floor, fucking incredible

ALSO?!?!?!? so this whole visit blew my mind for a few reasons and Ill come back to that... but a few months ago I started getting headaches after I eat, and I wandered down the thought process until I somehow got to, "what if blood flow to my stomach is restricted?" and I immediately shelved that bc 9/10 times if you go to the doctor with that level of advanced query they're suspicious of you. plus they're not gonna look at smth like that until other stuff is ruled out

so anyway the VERY first thing he did was ORDER A SCAN OF MY BLOOD VESSELS!?!?!?!? to make sure that my blood flow to my stomach is all good!!!!!????! he even said 'this isn't a common thing ppl usually think of but I just want to take a look.' I was so blown away by that, wow, i didnt even have to bring it up. like, thank you for my life.

ALSO ALSO, he concluded that everything I complained of was not only potentially consistent w my hernia, but ALSO with cortochondritis- arthritis of the ribs!!! I was SHAKEN when he said that bc like, you dont go to a gastro and expect to hear "oh stomach pain? it's your bones," but I HAVE HYPERMOBILE JOINTS, so as soon as he said that I was like "actually, that tracks. i'm hypermobile" and him and the nurse both shared a knowing look and went "ahh yep." lmfao like hello?!??? its all coming together!!!!

so yeah, I'm very pleased to be getting a look at my blood vessels (& rule out like, gall stones, just to be safe), he wants to do another endoscopy to make sure my hernia doesn't need surgery, and he wants me to address my GERD a little better bc that could also be causing increased/nerve pain in the stomach lining, whoops.

basically at the end of the visit he was like, i'm not gonna say XYZ but here's the information we already have, here's the information we're going to get, you take this knowledge and let it percolate until we can touch base again with the new info. bro 😭 literally every doctor visit should go this way, but the fact that I am so moved by this one (1) time where it did speaks volumes lol. he didn't even make me try any new pills?!?!?!? DO YOU KNOW HOW REFRESHING THAT IS???

he and I agree that we don't really know what's wrong because this COULD be being affected by multiple different things. could the joint pain, stomach issues, dysautonomia, etc. be explained by EDS? possibly (no I didnt bring that up yet, I just think I have a strong case & am building evidence on my own time). they COULD also be affected by numerous things; past OTC/alcohol/caffeine misuse, my hiatal hernia, anxiety, GERD, inflammation in my ribs, or some combination of all of them (hell, it could "just" be that my GERD is worse, causing pain & making my hernia "slip", which could then be getting pinched by my ribs/poor posture and further irritated; maybe if I get my reflux under control and watch my posture it'll stop. wishful thinking idk)

so yeah idk i walked out of there feeling extremely listened to and taken seriously so that's nice. im having much better luck w doctors in Michigan than I have anywhere else previously, my doctors in WI kinda sucked lol

[yanagiin]

CANCER

cancer- my chemical romance (covered by 21pilots)

relationship: tsukishima kei x reader

synopsis: she had cancer but he was oblivious to the signs. his last words?

warning: angst, illness, death, swearing, cheating

i don’t know the symptoms for cancer and this is my first fic so pls forgive me for any mistakes

“you have cancer.”

it’s been a week. a week shes known she was sick. sitting on her desk, her face buried into her arms, looking off to the side.

“how do i tell him?”

“tell me what?” y/n visibly flinches at the sudden voice of her boyfriend, kei.

“oh nothing!” she says w a fake smile. how is she supposed to tell him. what was she supposed to tell him. that her hair was falling out? that she was potentially dying? he just shakes off her unusual behavior and sits across from her.

“so are you gonna come by practice later?” he asks her.

“ah i can’t I have uhhh” she trails off, “grocery shopping to do for my mom!” truth is she had a doctors appointment, but he didn’t have to know. she didn’t want to be a burden. since when did she do grocery shopping the tall blonde thought.

this suspicious behavior has become a daily thing, he noticed that she would run off right as the last school bell rings. until one day he saw her get in a car with another guy. so that’s why huh?

hey kei wanna go mall later?

sent at 1:47

said boy stares at the text from his girlfriend. he knew she was cheating so why not have some fun right?

sure

y/n arrives at the mall and she sees girls swarming her boyfriend. she pouts, but doesn’t get jealous as she trusts he won’t do such thing. she waits till the girls leave to approach him. tsukishima has a smirk evident on his face.

“where do you wanna go?”

“can we go to the costumes and cosmetics first?” she says with a smile. the morning of she witnesses the hair already falling out faster than she expected. he shrugs and mentally grins to himself as he sees her smile dropping at his blunt response.

“why do you need wigs? need new hair to look pretty?” his words stung her but she hid her expression.

“why don’t you just tell him?” y/n’s brother said standing at the door way.

“i just want to enjoy the rest of my time with him w/out.”

“but-” he was cut off by his sister walking past him and shutting the door.

“want to walk me home?” she asked. he replied with a shrug, heading towards her house. they got to her driveway when he saw the same car. the same car she got in with another guy.

“oh no he’s still here...” she says with fear when she saw that her brother’s car still in the driveway. fear that he might expose her secret. tsukishima looks at her with disgust, but she was to worried to notice. “you can just drop me here i can get to the door fine! bye kei! love you” she says running to her front door.

it’s been a week, more hair has fallen out, she had gotten permission to wear hats and her hoods from the faculties as they knew about her condition. but her boyfriend has surprisingly not noticed but someone did. his best friend, yamaguchi tadashi.

“are you okay y/n-chan?” the freckled boy asked with a worried visage.

“I’m going to tell you something, but you can’t tell anyone. not even kei” she trusted the boy as if he was her brother. “I have cancer.”

two months ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. but in the last two weeks, tsukishima became more distant. she became worried and went to his practice after school.

“is kei here?” everyone stared at her as if she has grown a third head. hinata then walks up and says something that made her heart drop.

“oh he just left with his girlfriend, who are you?” of course they didn’t know about her. she never went to his practices, she was too busy with her appointments.

“ah okay. sorry for the interruption!” she bows and takes her leave to look for her boyfriend. but stops when she sees the blonde making out and groping a girl from class 1-5. watching as they touch eachother as if they can’t be disrupted by anything. her eyes filling with tears and anger. she walks up to her boyfriend and punch him square on the jaw.

“ow! WHAT THE FUCK” he shifts his attention to his girlfriend that is shaking her hand to rid the pain. the commotion caused the team to come out of the gym. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING YOU SLUT?” he yells at her. she was taken aback. slut? “YEAH DONT THINK I HAVENT SEEN YOU SNEAK AROUND WITH THAT BOY TOY OF YOURS?!”

his insults being cutoff with a slap. the sound resonates through the wind. “FUCK YOU TSUKISHIMA KEI!” with that she runs off to the direction of her house. yamaguchi then steps up.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DUMB?!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” punching the blond once again and grabbing his collar to bring his face close.

“IM DUMB?! SHES THE WHORE WHO FUCKING CHEATED!”

“SHES NOT CHEATING! GET IT THROUGH YOUR DAMN SKULL! SHE HAS CANCER, BUT YOURE TO DAMN BLIND TO SEE THE SIGNS! SHE COULDNT GO TO OUR PRACTICES BECAUSE HER APPOINTMENTS. DID YOU EVEN NOTICE HER HAIR FALLING OUT? SHE STARTED WEARING HATS AND WIGS BECAUSE YOU CALLED HER UGLY FOR BUYING WIGS! BUT NO. YOU DIDNT NOTICE BECAUSE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS BUSY FUCKING OTHER GIRLS TO NOTICE.”

by this point, the rest of the boys are pulling them apart.

“w-what?” the blond was appalled. she had cancer? the wigs, the hats, coughs and hacks. it made sense now. “b-bu-but who was that guy she rides with?”

“her fucking brother who came back from the states to see her!” yamaguchi shakes the boys off him and starts walking away.

tsukishima starts sprinting to the direction of her house. why didn’t she tell him? how would he have known if she didn’t tell him?

he comes to a stop, when he sees an ambulance drive off from her house. the tall boy knocks on the door to see her mom open the door. “where’s y/n?” her mother starts crying. and he knew.

“let’s go to the hospital” he looks to see y/n’s brother heading down stairs with a coat. the blond nods and gets in the car with the h/c hair male.

“she didn’t want to tell you yanno? she wanted to enjoy the time she had left with you.” the car ride was silent. when they got to the hospital, the two men quickly jumps out and heads to the front desk. as they entered they saw her fragile figure barely holding on. her lips are chapped. her color is fading fast.

it’s been hours when they’ve arrived, she still hasn’t woken up. tsukishima looks at the time and realizes visiting hours are almost over.

“I’ll be back, okay?” leaning over to give her forehead a peck and exits out the door.

but he never went back, he couldn’t stand the view of seeing her so delicate, so pale, so tired. it’s been weeks since he has last seen her. but he remembered that all she wanted was to spend time with him.

putting on his shoes he gets up and heads to the hospital. he arrives at the front desk and requests to visit y/n. he was met with the most dreaded words he never knew he would ever be met with.

“im sorry sir, but it says that she didn’t make it” the lady at the front said.

the day of the rosary came, he didn’t want to face the fact that she was actually gone. tsukishima enters her house and passes the strawberry shortcake he has brought to her mother. in the middle of the rosary he walks up to y/n’s room.

her room was decorated with anime posters and many plants. there was a cork board on the wall, photos of all their dates and her friends. on her desk was a framed selfie of their trip to tokyo. tsukishima resting his chin on her shoulder pouting while she holds up a peace sign with a big smile on her face. next to the picture we’re two dinosaurs. one is a brachiosaurus and the other is a triceratops. she would always say that the two toys were them and always kept the two together.

he picks up the framed picture and takes out the picture. he wanted to remember her. as he was taking out the photo a note slips out. he glances down at the note and read aloud,

“hi kei bae!! if you’re reading this you wanted to keep the photo right? anyways im writing this just in case anything happens to me. oh yeah i have cancer! ta da!! yeah yeah it’s not a good thing but hey, I wanted to spend all my time with you. so pls grab the picture with this and the box under my bed. there should be more photos for you. well i guess this is it. sayonara kei. ♡

-love y/n

he grabs the box under her bed to see all the photos she has take throughout their relationship. what broke him the most was a dinosaur post-it note on the bottom. it read “i love you my dino boy<3”

he never got to say goodbye, he was scared for the closure. he wanted her warmth, her soft lips against his, her angelic laughs, his shoulder to lean on. she was always there for him. his last words to her was not “i love you” or “see you later” he just wanted to hold her in his arms one last time. holding the pictures in his arms, crying his eyes out.

“sayonara y/n♡”

[tamakeey]

there are children present (pt. 2)

doctor! ushijima wakatoshi x doctor! reader

a/n: yeah, there’s probably gonna need to be a part three because I have a lot of ideas and it’s too much to put all into part two sorry :(( but lmk if you’re interested in part three :))

so it's been a little over a year since y/n has been working at the clinic

still as popular as ever with the children due to her caring and gentle nature

ushijima is still ushijima (the same tall, stoic face doctor that scares the children until they realize he’s nothing but a softie)

their feelings for each other: yeah they’re still growing bigger than atsumu’s ego (or at least cutting it close)

the two doctors: still as oblivious as ever, never noticing the subtle hints they throw at each other (it’s mainly y/n throwing the hints though, ushijima never catches them causing his red headed counterpart to slam his head against the wall

the nurse trio continue to pick on their assigned doctors for not making any big moves

and when their doctor refuse to reveal their feelings, what do they do?

of course they rant to one another about their struggles in bringing to two doctors, who were smart enough to graduate medical school and pass residency but cannot confess for the life of them, together

“I swear waiting for them to confess is like watching paint dry” -semi

“SEMI SEMI USHIJIMA REFUSES TO CONFESS AND I SWEAR IM GOING BALD FROM THE STRESS”-tendou

kawanishi truly believes that he may graduate with his nursing degree, pass his board exams, and get his license and a permanent position at the clinic before they can even mutter the words “I like you” to one another

their feelings are so obvious the receptionists, reon and yamagata has caught on and take every second they see two walk into work together to make comments on how cute of a couple they would be 

it flusters y/n but ushijima keeps his stoic face and replies with “we’re just friends” (even though he’s blushing internally) 

moral of the story is, their feelings are painfully obvious to everyone except the two doctors

so it’s another typical day in the pediatrics center

y/n typing away at her cubicle while semi and kawanishi complains about her lack of courage 

“just confess to him please, it’s getting painful for all of us” kawanishi says bluntly while hitting his head against the cubicle wall, already knowing what the doctor was going to say

“no, he doesn’t like me that way, I don't know why you all keep insisting that he does” y/n replies with a semi mouthing the exact words she says after hearing everyday for the past six months

“do you not hear tendou screaming in distress everyday and screeching about how ushijima is as dumb as a brick” kawanishi asks 

“I thought he was inferring to ushijima’s lack of social awareness, which is adorable but also very dangerous in this field” y/n replies

“how are you a doctor but you’re so dumb?” semi asks rhetorically

“do you tune out the half where tendou is complaining ushijima’s love life and how he has the chance for it but isn’t taking it. he even shouts your name in there most of the time, what’s not clicking?” kawanishi rants

“look I'm too nervous to make the first move with ushijima and I cannot read his emotional 100% of the time, so confessing is out of the question. now there’s a patient coming in five minutes and you two have to do your typical nurse routine before I go in so hop to it” y/n spews out

typical nurse routine in case it was unclear: take height and weight, check patients blood pressure and ears, and record their temperature and reason for being in the office and such

semi and kawanishi grumble as they sanitize their hands and walk out of the office area

y/n takes a deep breath and slouches down in her chair as she begins to think of the conversation she just had with her troublesome nurses

after a few minutes of contemplating their words, the two nurses return with the file report of the patient, signaling the female doctor’s need in the examination room

as y/n makes her way to the examination room, she runs into ushijima who came rushing into the pediatrics center

“what has you rushing?” y/n asks an exasperated ushijima

“I was almost late since I was coaching shirabu today but it went a little more overtime than how I originally planned the session. also, we spent a good time waiting for his friend to show up only to find out they had to take a raincheck because the kid has a doctor’s appointment today” ushijima replied

“oh I see, well I need to get to a patient right now but I'll catch up with you after” y/n says 

ushijima gives her a nod and a pat on the head before rushing to the office to hopefully clock in on time

as y/n knocks on the door, she opens it to find a little boy with a bowl cut sitting on the examination table fiddling with his fingers

if bowl cut did not give it away, it’s our favorite rock lee look alike and if that didn’t help any it’s goshiki :) 

the toddler look up upon hearing the door open up and begins visibly shaking because doctor visits are scary

“hello goshiki, my name is dr. y/l/n and I heard you’re not feeling the greatest today, wanna tell me what’s wrong” y/n asked the boy gently, crouching to his height

goshiki hesitates on answer and sits silently while mumbling too quietly for y/n to hear

“I'm sorry sweetie, I couldn’t hear you? could you speak up, I promise I won't hurt you. I’m here to help you feel healthy and strong again!” y/n explains, trying to get the poor frightened boy to open up

“my friend and I were playing volleyball the other day and when he served the ball, it hit my head really hard and everything went black” goshiki says 

“I'm just worried if it he may have a concussion so I took him in” goshiki’s mother continues causing the doctor to nod and examine goshiki’s head

I see, so we are going to have to run a couple cognitive tests but from the looks of it, I think it may just be a bruise” y/n asserts causing the poor boy to shake at the word tests

“don’t worry, we do not need to do any shots or blood test. it’s just little memory things, unless you want an MRI scan to be 100% sure. but from what I see, I don’t believe it is a concussion” y/n continues

goshiki looks at his mom silently begging her not to make him take the scary test to which she replies that an MRI would not be necessary to goshiki’s relief

“well then goshiki, you ready to play some brain games. do your best!” y/n encourages the boy causing him to get fired up 

because she had him at games

‘OKAY!” goshiki exclaims bouncing on the examination table

y/n begins to grab cards with little picture on them and handed them to goshiki to begin memorizing 

she would test him after giving him 5 minutes to study the cards

little did she know, tendou decided that April fools would come early this year and decided to put a picture of ushijima within the cards 

just for shits and giggles you know 

tendou’s line of thinking you ask why not fluster y/n while she's caring for a patient, that would be hilarious 

after five minutes of goshiki studying the cards, he hands them back to y/n

“okay goshiki, can you name at least five of the cards out of the ten that I gave you?” y/n asks, still unaware of the picture of the giant doctor

“blanket, bed, apple, chair, and penguin” goshiki recites

y/n looks at the first five cards to see goshiki had named them in order

“perfect, do you think you can do all ten?” y/n encourages

goshiki nods excitedly and continues

“bear, flower, water, ball, and ushijima” goshiki says, eyes sparkling at the last word

y/n visibly jumps, her cheeks turning red

“wait a minute, dr. ushijima is not one of the card options” y/n questions

“yes he was, his picture was the tenth card I studied” goshiki says innocently

y/n begins vigorously going through the cards she handed goshiki only to see the little bowl cut boy was correct

 the tenth card was in fact a photo of the tall, stoic doctor

goddammit tendou y/n thinks in her head, knowing it was for sure his doing

“I'm impressed that you got all ten but how did you know that was dr. ushijima?” y/n asks curiously

need I remind you, y/n’s face is as red as tendou’s hair 

“he's my favorite volleyball player in the whole entire world, I wanna be an ace just like him. I was going to play volleyball with him today but mommy said I have to go to the doctors” goshiki explains, his face visibly deflating when mentioning his missed opportunity

“I see, goshiki do you mind waiting in here for like 5 minutes for me. I need to print your papers to take home but my printer isn’t working in here?” y/n asks politely while goshiki nods

y/n takes her leave and makes her way to the office room where she sees ushijima looking at paperwork, sitting in his cubicle

“ushijima-san, can I borrow you for a few minutes?” y/n pops her head in his cubicle and politely asks him 

ushijima nods while throwing his paperwork on his desk

“it’s a small world I swear. my current patient was the child you were supposed to coach today. he apparently is a huge fan of you and was super sad that he missed an opportunity to meet his idol” y/n explains 

ushijima catching where y/n was going with his nodded and opened the office door for y/n, signaling her to lead the way to the patient’s room

“you don’t have a patient coming in soon do you?” y/n asks, concerned that she’s putting him off schedule

“I don't have a patient coming in for another hour, so it’s fine” ushijima replies

soon they make it in front of the examination room

of course the three troublemaking nurses are staring at them behind a wall thinking what’s going on for them to be going into a room together

I tried finding a reference picture but scary pictures popped up and now I'm scared but basically it’s like one head on top of another, if you can find it lmk I think I'm searching up the wrong thing

y/n knocks on the door to goshiki’s room and then walks in with ushijima following behind her, but he’s hidden by the curtain

“hi goshiki, there’s someone I would like you to meet” y/n says which ushijima took as a cue to come out from behind the curtain

when I tell you goshiki squealed, he screamed so loud, washijou could hear it from his office which was on the opposite side of the pediatrics center

receptionists yamagata and reon can hear him from their little windows 

everyone in the waiting area heard it loud and clear, concerned for the child who they believed were screaming bloody murder

anyways after goshiki had his internal fanboy moment, he climbed off the examination table and ran up to ushijima, hugging his legs

“OMG ITS USHIJIMA, HE’S REALLY HERE. I LUB YOU” goshiki screaming, jumping up and down while holding onto ushijima’s khaki colored slacks

“pleasure to meet you goshiki, I heard you also love playing volleyball” ushijima answered 

“YES I LOVE VOLLEYBALL, I HOPE TO BE AN ACE JUST LIKE YOU” goshiki exclaims waving his little arms all over the place 

ushijima chuckles and y/n swears she’s never heard anything more melodic in her life

“I’m glad I inspire you to be a better volleyball player. I hope you will be able to make it to shirabu’s next volleyball lesson, I look forward to working with you” ushijima replies

“YES SIR” goshiki said bowing repeatedly 

ushijima approaches goshiki’s mother to begin working out a schedule fit for goshiki

all while y/n continues to stare at his face with a fond look

suddenly, she feels a tug on her scrub bottoms and looks down to find goshiki looking up at her with a questioning look on his face

“Dr. y/l/n, do you love ushijima-kun?” goshiki asked innocently while tilting his head to the side

this caused the female doctor to turn a bright shade of red and attempt to deny it to the best of her capabilities

waving hands

repeatedly saying no

what you think of, she probably tried it to convince baby goshiki that she had no feelings for the volleyball-playing doctor

“why are you so red dr. y/ln?” goshiki asks causing ushijima to turn around and look at her worriedly

he begins walking over to y/n and places his hand on her forehead to check for her temperature

“are you alright? are you sick perhaps? maybe you should take the rest of the day off and rest” ushijima speaks to the poor doctor who turns even redder by the minute

“no no I am perfectly fine, it’s just that I’m overheating in my white coat, nothing else” y/n responds waving her hands in fast motion

ushijima chose not to question it but goshiki could tell she was lying

I mean who gets hot in a hospital, when it’s the middle of winter

“c’mon goshiki, we have to go. we don’t want to miss your playdate with shirabu now do we?” goshiki’s mother breaks the tense air

hearing his best friend’s name, he shook out of his thoughts and nodded quickly 

“dr. ushijima, is it too much to ask for your autograph?” goshiki asks

ushijima turns to the kid and nods as if saying “I don’t mind”

ushijima takes a piece of paper out of the functioning printer and grabs a pen from the cup placed near the computer

he signs the paper, writing a little note for the baby mushroom boy

he hands it to goshiki and as he reads it, he squeals 

to my number 1 fan, thank you for your support :)

goshiki grabs his mother’s hand leaving the examination room, waving to the two doctors

not missing ushijima staring at y/n’s smile as she waves happily back to goshiki

“are you sure you’re feeling well y/l/n?” ushijima asks

“I am perfectly fine, thank you for checking up on me” y/n responds

they stare fondly at each other and begin leaning towards one another before a certain red head barges in to tell ushijima that his patient is here

“USHI YOUR 2:30 IS HERE, OH SHOOT! TAKE YOUR TIME :)” tendou screams causing the two to break apart

just a side but semi and kawanishi definitely watched the whole thing, banging their head against the wall while cursing at the stupid red head

before anyone comes for me I love tendou but they’re mad he cockblocked

“I should go see my patient” ushijima says curtly, bowing at the female doctor and making his way to the examination room his patient is currently waiting in

y/n is fanning herself while thinking about the moment she had with the handsome doctor while her two nurses are cursing out the red head

“YOU COULD’VE WAITED LIKE FIVE MINUTES, WE WERE SO CLOSE TO ENDING OUR MISERY” -kawanishi

“TENDOU YOU IDIOT I HATE YOU” -semi

I don't usually do POV changes but THIS IS NO LONGER TAKING PLACE AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE BUT IT’S GOSHIKI AND SHIRABU’S PLAYDATE

goshiki makes his way into shirabu’s house

he bows at shirabu’s mother before making his way to his best friend’s room

“SHIRABU, I MET USHIJIMA TODAY!!” goshiki screams

“asahi (god), can you please keep it down” shirabu responds

goshiki then explains what went down in the doctor’s office while shirabu listens intently, ears perking up at the mentions of goshiki’s female physician

“wait, what did your doctor look like” shirabu asks poking goshiki’s tummy with one of his taped fingers

goshiki goes on to explain her appearance and shirabu can suddenly picture her due to...

“oh my asahi, ushijima has her picture as his phone wallpaper and he’s always staring at it during our volleyball lessons” shirabu says to goshiki

“that’s funny because when he walked into the examination room, dr. y/l/n kept staring at him and always turned red whenever he was mentioned. do you think they’re like best friends?” goshiki asks

“no you idiot, they like each other” shirabu says, hitting his forehead at his best friend’s stupidity

“but dr. y/l/n said she doesn’t like him like that” goshiki responds

“but why would she tell her secrets, especially to some kid she just met goshiki” shirabu says, internally questioning his friendship with his fellow bowl cut mate

after arguing about it back and forth, shirabu ended their verbal dispute by throwing a volleyball nearby and effectively hitting goshiki in the forehead

pls stop the goshiki abuse, just praise the poor boy :((

“okay, forget about this arguing. but goshiki I think you know what we have to do” shirabu said smiling deviously, gears turning in his small mind

thus the children begin plotting operation: you should have come to volleyball lessons

  a/n 2: hello!! ik it’s been awhile but I’m currently having to deal with getting ready for college so there’s a lot of meetings, stress, and getting all my paper work in. the updates will be kind of slow because I want to make sure all the updates are decent in length but also has a good story line and written well (it’s probably still pretty bad but I'm trying my best) but thank you for your continuous support and I hope you're enjoying the series so far :)) <33