#some fuckers destroyed a friend's vacation home

[dyad-dragon]

A friendly reminder that if you see urban exploration videos with "abandoned" houses that are in suspiciously good condition with "everything left behind" it's probably not abandoned and the "explorers" are just breaking and entering and ransacking the place for views :):):)

[queenerdloser]

so i just got back from japan and i gotta say. i think i fucking hate Tourists. 

and like. to preface. not all tourists obvs. but it’s becoming increasingly clear that like... in many ways social media has fucking destroyed the way we take vacations. because in the past (i have to imagine, since i’ve only been on my own vacations post-social media) we took pictures and it was like... for our scrapbooks and to share with family/friends and there was so so much less pressure to have a “perfect” picture or to have things be, as they say, instagrammable. but now you Need to have pictures that are perfect and social media worthy which means that so many places i went to there were droves of young adults who were turning places into their own personal photo shoot. like.

okay. i went to fushimi inari which is a very famous japanese temple in kyoto. it has hundreds of torii gates which are definitely a huge photo draw and i’ve been there before when it’s really busy - people stop all the time on the path to take their photo under the gates (usually in kimono - this is both japanese and foreigners btw. very popular either way). whatever. but i went there early this time to avoid the crowds (around 7am) and it was me and a few groups of young adult american/european tourists. and like. i’ve been there before. i have zero desire to get a selfie of myself under the gates bc tbh trying to do that is annoying. so i take some pictures of the gates bc they are pretty and then i just walk up the path admiring them because that’s... what i came there to do. i wanted to experience walking through them, up the hills, look through all the side paths with the cool tiny shrines and admire the trees in the early morning.

and i’m watching these other tourist groups who, for the most part, are hunting for the spot for the Perfect Picture. and like i get it. i’m not like... you Can’t Take Pictures. but i think where social media has destroyed vacations is that we’ve ceased to look at these tourist spots as a place to experience or take pictures of it’s own beauty and it’s become a Hunt For The Perfect Instagram Post. now we gotta turn these places into our own little photo shoots bc god forbid we just experience it ourselves, we gotta Prove we went there by taking the Perfect Picture for social media clout. 

idk. maybe i’m just annoyed bc i had to stop behind these fuckers like eight times so they could get the best angle and take multiple shots and frankly it’s fucking annoying to have people treat any public space as their own personal photoshoot. (like that one tiktok of that girl getting annoyed at people for getting in the way of her video in the subway??? the fucking subway???) and frankly, i do feel like it’s becoming less about enjoying the actual experience of being in this cool place than taking a Good Picture and going on your way. there’s so many foreign tourists in japan i would watch take a picture of something and then move on without actually stopping to experience it - even for a moment! - in real time themselves. and it’s come to a point where i almost don’t even want to take pictures anymore bc i am kind of feeling like... okay. it’s fun to share these with friends back home but at the same time why am i even here if not to experience it for myself? if i just wanted a picture of japan, i could look that up on google, you know? i’m here to see it, to experience it, to walk the streets and smell the early morning pine trees while i see the moss on the shrines and the cracks in the red torii gates. 

[ot5ismyhome]

33. Destruction Breeds Creation

To read from beginning click here.

*****

Coulson looked at agents- remaining agents- in front of him. They all had the hollow frightened look in their eyes. If he was alone, he would have adorned the same look but he had seen and gone through a lot to know that the team is just the reflection of the leader. When he spoke up, his ever-playful chirpy voice filled the room.

“No Darkhold. Base gone. If anybody has ideas now would be the good time to say it.” 

“Me and Fitz have been looking up about Loki. The normal ways used to kill a vampire will not work on him” started Simmons.

“How fucked are we?” Hunter quipped.

“He is a vampire and a witch” Fitz replied with a tilt in his head. “Sunlight, Holy fire, Stake, I guess even beheading cannot stop that guy. So, I will say very much.”

“That explains his powers. I knew something was up with that guy” Mack said. 

Simmons cut through the banter bringing the focus on the research. “Sir, All the powers, every single thing we saw out there was witchcraft. Actually, he is a winter witch. His powers are more prominent in colder weather. According to the data Agent Romanoff provided earlier, he can bring winter anywhere.”

“He needed the Darkhold to cast permanent winter. If he succeeds, we can’t turn it back. Maybe the book would help us turn it back but it’s just a theory” Fitz said. He sighed and placed his hands on his hips.

“But there is one thing that could bring him down. The Stake of the First Vampire”

“Now, we just need to know where it is” Hunter said looking expectantly at Lincoln.

“I have no idea,” Lincoln shrugged. 

“I will contact Jiaying. Trip and Thompson evacuate the city. Hunter and Elena run ops.”

The agents nodded to their Director’s order and took off. 

“Sir, I need permission to bring my daughter back here,” Mack asked. When Coulson gave affirmation, he left with Trip and Thompson.

…..

The young man walked into the Gothite Industries. He was stopped by the security.

“Who do you want to see?”

“Oh yes. Mr. Malick. You could say I’m his family. Hail Legion.” Nathaniel said the last two words in the guard’s ears. The guard immediately stepped aside.

“Sorry sir. I didn’t know you were... But I have never seen you around.”

“This visit is long overdue.”

…..

“We came across five bloody massacres and we still haven’t covered Brooklyn.” 

Elena sighed. “We need to prepare for the upcoming battle.”

“Hey. You there. What are you doing here?” shouted a man grabbing the duo’s attention. They turned around to see a policeman. “Don’t you know you have to vacate the city?” he shouted. “Fuckers. Making my job difficult.”

Back in the jeep Elena’s mind was racing on what to do. “We need to do something,” she told Hunter.

The policeman shouted racial slur at a black teenage boy who just exited the nearby shop. The police neared the terrified boy.

“What have you got there?” sneered the man, taking his gun out. “You are stealing, aren’t you?” he threatened the kid.

The kid started stammering and dropped the things down. He lifted his arms above his head.

“No sir, I left some mone-”

The kid’s eyes widened in surprise. He didn’t finish his sentence as he saw a man sneak behind the harasser and sucker punch him. The policeman went down to the ground, unconscious. Hunter turned towards Elena and made an ‘okay’ gesture with his hand.

Hunter approached the kid. “Hey are you okay?” he asked, still keeping his eyes on the police.

“You punched him.” 

“Yeah, if I hadn’t, he would have shot you”

Elena making her way towards them. “What’s your name?” she added looking at the boy.

“Flint”

“Flint, the city is in great danger. We need you to get out as soon as possible. There is a bus five blocks away. We will drop you there.”

“No. I can’t leave my sister. She is handicapped. I need to take care of her.”

“Then let’s get your sister.”

…..

Mack went to collect his daughter. When he reached school, he saw that it was a total mess. All the parents and children were running around trying to find each other. Mack joined them desperate to find his daughter.

“Hope” he shouted. There was no response. He called her for her again and again. Finally, he heard a feeble voice answering back.

“Hope” he shouted again.

“Daddy” a little girl shouted from inside the classroom. She ran to him and he swept her in his arms. 

“Daddy, what’s happening?”

“A bad guy had taken over the city. We need to get out soon.”

“You always said we should always fight back. Also help others. Aren’t we going to do that?”

“First, I’m taking my little princess to safety”

As he reached the Quinjet, he placed Hope on the seat. “Be here. Daddy will be back.” He turned to Trip, “Can you watch her till I come back?”

…..

Gideon Malick was on the conference call with the higher ups in the government. He used them as puppets in his master plan. What he didn’t expect was Loki coming back. He needed to put an end to it. For the Legion to grow over here, he needed to have control over The Council. Had Loki not come back, the ATCU would have been a success.

Gideon heard a rapport knock on his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He signalled to Giyera to be on alert as a young man stepped inside. The blood drained from the businessman’s face. His eyes widened and beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

“You weren’t expecting me, were you? I have always wanted to hunt you down. But Barnes and Wilson were also about letting it go. They don’t know the inner turmoil. They don’t know what you did to me” Nathaniel said pacing the big office. Giyera was on his guard ready to attack on his boss’ order. Gideon had lost the ability to speak as he looked at his so thought dead brother.

“Finally, my time has come. Anarchy is here. The Council would never understand that” Nathaniel stopped his pacing and glanced at his petrified brother. “Gideon, you trapped yourself in the Legion and the government, bound by their history, rules, hierarchy” he spat the last word.  “You go around saying ‘Hail Legion’ and ‘God bless America.’ Say goodbye to all that. Say hello to anarchy.”

“Nathaniel-”

“I didn’t come here to listen to your pathetic pleas.” Nathaniel closed his hands around his elder brother’s neck and lifted him. Giyera ran forward to stop him. But he caught the bodyguard with his other hand and threw him against the wall. Giyera went down unconscious. He turned his attention to Gideon.

“You planned and tried to kill me back then. Just for this Legion. You know what? It all turned out good. Your organizations are all the same. More and more hierarchy. It diminishes one’s true potential. It creates unbalance. I’m going to destroy all that. Destruction breeds creation.” Nathaniel snapped the neck of Gideon Malick. He dropped his brother’s limp body and walked out. 

…..

Flint took the agents to his home. The door was slightly open and there were signs of forced entry. Elena and Hunter shared a look but didn't say anything.

"Tess" called out Flint. Hearing no reply, he panicked as he approached her room. He opened the door to see his sister lying on the bed. At first it looked normal but on closer look he felt something was not right.

Elena and Hunter noticed that Tess was pale. Her skin looked grey. Flint shook his sister awake but got no response. Hunter checked the pulse. He realised she must have just died now. There was no pulse but the body was still warm.

Hunter signalled Elena to scan the house. As she slipped away quietly, Hunter pulled the crying boy towards himself. He tried to get Flint out of the house but he resisted.

“Lad, we need to get out soon,” Hunter urged. But Flint pulled himself away from Hunter’s hold.

“My sister is dead, man. I’m not going anywhere” he shouted as he pushed Hunter further away.

Hunter’s eyes widened as he saw the figure in the bedroom doorway.

“Duck” he shouted as he drew out his gun and pointed at the man. The man came out of the shadows. He wore old crumpled clothes. His face was in contrast. His skin glowed healthy. His eyes were red and his fangs had descended. Hunter shot the man but it was in vain. He kept shooting again and again. Blood poured out of his chest but he kept walking. Hunter protectively pushed Flint behind him.

Elena was in the other room when she heard the gunshots. She hurried back to check on her companions. She saw an unknown man approaching Hunter and Flint. Hunter fired the next consecutive shots but it didn’t seem to stop the stranger. Elena took out her gun and shot the man straight through his skull.

The vampire fell down. Everyone breathed out in relief. Hunter kneeled down to examine the body. He noticed that the bullet was still lodged in the skull.

“Does a bullet kill a vampire?”

“No. I don’t think so.”

“Why isn’t he moving?”

“Do you want him to?” she said snarkly.

A new person appeared on the doorway startling the group. Elena swung around her gun raised. A man holding a baseball bat was standing there.

“He is a friend,” said Flint, putting himself between the two. Both of them lowered their weapons.

The newcomer was Mike Peterson. He was in the apartment next to Flint’s. He and his son were on the way to the evacuation bus when he had heard the commotion. So, he came to check on his neighbours. Hunter gave his gun and ammo to Mike. He asked them to head to safety.

“What should we do with him?” Elena asked pointing at the wounded vampire on the floor.

“Simmons would have fun cutting him up.”

*****

Chapter 34

[romijuli]

11 for the kiss prompts? 👀

so the previous record holder as far as i can tell is either the phoenix prompt or the tallronicade, right? this fucker is almost a thousand words i have NO idea what happened

anyway for some reason i just went, oh, sylvendrik, they’re not on my prompt doc, i should do that, and then something took hold of my fingers and wrote THIS

act 2 spoilers baby

Hendrik awkwardly picks at his meal. (Though, to be quite honest, “awkwardly” describes most things Hendrik does. Even he himself is observant enough to know that.) He has been to plenty of kingdom functions, events far fancier than a simple dinner with a companion known to most as a simple (if well-renowned) circus clown, but somehow this is far more uncomfortable than all of those combined.

Perhaps it is merely the feeling that he should be productive, rather than sitting on a beach in Lonalulu as the rest of the world marches onwards with restoration?

“Henny, I can see your mind running a mile a minute,” Sylv murmurs, resting their fork down for a moment. “It’s a vacation, darling! Put aside all your knightly concerns for the night. You’re practically working yourself to death, you know.”

Hendrik knows, most certainly. But the Lord of Shadows had left the world deeply scarred, still lingering after he had finally perished, after Yggdrasil rose back to Her place in the heavens, and there is still much to do to fix what that fiend Mordegon had destroyed. Perhaps it is just a manifestation of his own feelings of culpability—after all, he had failed to recognize that His Majesty was not himself, and had led him directly to that fateful moment—but it is certainly unsettling to simply relax on an evening that could—should—be spent on making amends to the world.

Sylv sighs. “Hendrik.” And that is most assuredly a sign that Hendrik is in trouble with his dear friend; they only use his proper name (rather than that strange, yet still somehow endearing, nickname) when they are growing a bit too frustrated with him.

“I…apologize,” Hendrik replies. “I cannot promise I will entirely be able to separate my thoughts from Heliodor’s efforts to rebuild, but I will try harder. I certainly do not mean to imply that I would rather not be here.” To be entirely honest, Hendrik would rather spend time with Sylv than with anyone else. It is a feeling he hasn’t had since…well, it is not worth dwelling on that particular love turned sour, he feels.

Love. Hm. He honestly had not considered that he is in love with Sylv until this very moment. Is it reciprocated? He has never been the greatest at telling others’ emotions; it had never occurred to him that Prince—er, Eleven had any sort of romantic inclination towards Erik until the latter had his memories returned to him, until Eleven had latched onto him and refused to detach himself until the Princess had (quite literally) torn them apart.

He is roused from his debate on the nature of Sylv’s feelings for him by the very person whose theoretical desires vex his thoughts. “Darling, if you’re not feeling up to this, I can send you home and call it a night.” They smile, though it doesn’t quite reach their eyes; that much, at least, Hendrik can interpret quite clearly.

He shakes his head, grasping his fork once more. “No, I shall be fine. Give me another moment to clear my head.” Breath in, breath out, focus on the night just ahead, not those that lay before or after.

It is a start, he thinks; while he cannot quite clear out his thoughts of Heliodor entirely, he finds himself better able to focus on the food, the surroundings, Sylv themself…it truly is a lovely night, he finds, as he lets himself relax for once.

Sylv pulls him to his feet the instant his plate is clear (despite their lithe form, Sylv is uncannily strong), nearly dragging him towards the line where sea meets sand. They turn their gaze to the sea, as though they are searching for something on the horizon, whatever that may be. “Thank you for coming with me tonight,” they murmur, alarmingly soft. So soft, in fact, that their words are nearly swallowed by the tide.

Hendrik shakes his head, though he knows Sylv is not looking at him at the present moment. “It is I who should be thanking you. I was not aware of how much the reconstruction efforts have worn me down.” He clears his throat awkwardly, trying as subtly as he can (which, admittedly is not that subtle at all) to convey more than a simple friendliness. “And, truly, a night with you by my side is more than a delight.”

Sylv pivots in place, fixing him with a gaze that Hendrik cannot quite read. They pause, eyes locked with his, before Hendrik finds them suddenly far closer than before, their lips instantly quite occupied with his. He stops functioning entirely; unversed in romantic matters as he is (his affections for Jasper were tragically one-sided), he is not quite certain of how things like these are meant to go. With the exception of certain unspeakable magazines, of course, but such…actions…are most certainly not appropriate for a public setting such as—

Sylv pulls back, a frown playing at their lips. “I…I’m sorry, darling,” they say, in a tone that Hendrik utterly abhors, particularly as he is the one responsible for it. “That was unbelievably forward of me. I am fine to never speak of it again if you so desire…”

That is, in fact, the exact opposite of what Hendrik desires, and to prove it, his lips (rather clumsily) find their way back to Sylv’s. They pull back, nearly doubling over in laughter.

“Terribly sorry, Henny, but you are so out of practice!” Again, the direct opposite of what Hendrik wishes to hear…but they wink, whispering into his ear, “But, of course, you and I can practice as much as we want, hm?”

That, now, is exactly what Hendrik wants.

[zanrai-kid]

What Your Favorite The Adventure Zone Ship Says About You

Inspired by @spritecranberryofficial, the artist formerly known as @doubleca5t

Taagnus (Taako/Magnus) - You believe that no force on Earth can destroy the bond between a twink and bear who are begrudging allies to best friends to lovers.

Magnus/Merle - Your favorite game of all time is Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator.

Merle/Taako - You see a three-way love triangle in every trio, even when two of the trio only begrudgingly tolerate each other.

Taako/Magnus/Merle - You heard the phrase “Tres Horny Boys”, and took it as a challenge.

Taakitz (Taako/Kravitz) - You describe your love life as “yearning for the sweet embrace of death”.

Taako/Magnus/Kravitz - You believe death is the quickest way to establish common interests. Also, you’re shipping TodoDekuIida.

Magnus/Lucretia - Your ideal relationship dynamic is jock/group mom.

Lupretia (Lup/Lucretia) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is punk/group mom.

Davenport/Lucretia - Your ideal relationship dynamic is group dad/group mom who both joke about adopting all their friends.

Merle/Lucretia - You just want a vacation from other people’s bullshit.

Merle/Davenport - You’re just here for some men under 5 foot.

Magnus/Johann - You unironically appreciate it when someone plays “Wonderwall” well.

Magnus/Lup - All of your DnD characters are Lawful Good, but somehow use Chaos as a means to an end.

Taako/Magic Brian - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of goofy accents.

Sweet Flips (Carey/Killian) - You want a girlfriend who will kick your ass upon request; you also want to join in when she’s kicking someone else’s ass.

Blupjeans (Lup/Barry) - You believe “hapless nerds falling in love at band camp” are underrepresented in modern fiction.

EDIT for @lesbian-flutist  Lup/Lucretia/Barry - You believe in band nerd/math nerd/band and math nerd solidarity.

Sloane/Hurley - Your ideal relationship dynamic is the film Thelma and Louise.

Johnchurch (John/Merle) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is the film The Seventh Seal.

Istus/Pan/The Raven Queen: You’re a sucker for Mythology shenanigans.

Taako/Barry - Your desire for good things to happen to Lup is outweighed by wanting to see hapless mlm nerds smooching.

Lydia/Edward - This ship being incest is outweighed by how much you think Jesse and James are better protagonists than Ash.

Taako/Angus: Not even entertaining you clowns FBI OPEN UP

Garfield/Taako - Your ideal date includes a Costco trip, after which, regret ensues.

Sazed/Taako - Your ideal date includes a home cooked meal, after which, pain ensues.

Dracula/Taako - Your Tinder bio is “19th century femme seeks creature of the night”.

Magnulia (Magnus/Julia) - You just wanted good things for Magnus, and, my god, does the man deserve it.

Any Characters from (K)nights - I’m not even talking about an anime, and yet, somehow, you would still tell people to read the manga.

Any Characters from Elementary - You also tell people to read the manga, but you also recall the lawless days of Johnlock.

Any Characters from Fur - You reference deep lore in fandoms other fans don’t believe is real.

Nadiya/Irene - To you, “two people reincarnating as the polar opposites of their past life” is just “a second chance at love”.

Irene/Remy - You believe Rebecca Sugar’s best song is “Giant Woman”.

Remy/Nadiya- You believe in the powerful bond of two people trying to reign in a mutual friend.

EDIT for @tombstonedb Kardala/Minerva - You thought, “You know what’s better than one buff magic big gorl? Two buff magic big gorls.”

Errol/Augustus - You liked the Amnesty arc, but wish it had more ghosts.

Dylan/Jeremiah - You believe any modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet should turn Juliet into a guy.

Errol/Dylan - In a setting full of cryptids, you hard swerve into Team Jacob.

Gandy/Isabella - You’re a sucker for a good meetcute, pun intended.

Ned/Duck - You haven’t recovered from the fact Gravity Falls ended nearly four years ago.

Ned/Boyd - Your ideal relationship dynamic is “Be Gay, Do Crime”.

Ned/Barclay - Your ideal relationship dynamic is “Bigfoot is real, and he tried to eat my ass”.

Ned/Victoria - You think the greatest achievement in cinematic history is the beginning to the movie Up.

Ned/Sherriff Owens - You wish having some yucks with Johnny Law was considered less frowned upon.

Duck/Billy - Your desire to get with the Mothman is only outweighed by your crush on Ryan Gosling.

Duck/Beacon - You just want to date a smug British person, and really, who wouldn’t?

Duck/Juno - You are a huge fan of Camp Camp.

Duck/Leo - If you were a couple years older, you would have previously shipped Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker at the time of the prequels.

Indrid/Ned - You are a monster fucker.

Indruck (Indrid/Duck) - You are also a monster fucker, but softer.

Indrid/Aubrey - You run a monster fucker blog, but are not a monster fucker.

Indrid/Billy - You are a certified card-carrying cryptid fucker, searching on Craigslist to get rawdogged by two in the back of a Denny’s parking lot.

Mama/Barclay - You exude rural boomer energy without the rural boomer mindset.

Danbrey (Dani/Aubrey) - You follow exactly 18 bi pride Tumblogs, but can’t understand why you have so many duplicate posts on your feed. Spoiler alert: they probably reblog each other’s posts.

Aubrey/Janelle - Either your ideal relationship dynamic is student/teacher, or you’re a Janelle Monáe stan.

Hollis/Aubrey - You are a firm believer in the power of calling people who go to the mall “posers”, while simultaneously buying your accessories at Hot Topic.

Aubrey/Jake - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of sharing dank memes.

Hollice (Hollis/Jake) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of early 90s extreme winter sports movies.

Duck/Minerva - You are a firm believer in men 👏 getting 👏 pegged 👏

Sternclay (Agent Stern/Barclay) - You wish Inspector Zenigata and Lupin III would stop dragging their feet and commit already.

Any Characters from Inheritance - This is just the same joke as Merle and Magnus, except you post about Dream Daddy on Tumblr AND Facebook.

Deadbeat Dad/Anyone else from Inheritance - Robert is best Dream Daddy, Amnesty is best arc of The Adventure Zone. To you, these are facts.

Firbolg/Fitzroy - This is just the same joke as Taako and Magnus, but you also desire the fall of capitalism.

Fitzroy/Argo - You, Griffin, and Clint all simultaneously thought “You know what’s better than one fancy himbo fighter? Two fancy himbo fighters.”

Argo/Firbolg - You’re already pushing for a catchy ship name for these two. Might I suggest “Surf n’ Turf”.

Fitzroy/Buckminster - You have a whole blog devoted to scenes of swords under chins.

Buckminster/Leon - You think Arthurian legend can be summed up as “Several bros, sitting round a table, two feet apart from each other ‘cause the church said leave room for Jesus”.

Buckminster/Rainer - You believe behind every man’s facade is a girlfriend of immeasurable power, waiting for her time to shine.

Rolandus/Zana - You believe in big edgy backstory energy solidarity.

Rolandus/Rhodes - This is the same joke as Argo and Firbolg, except I am now suggesting “RoRho”.

Crimson (Crush/Jimson) - Your Netflix viewing habits are, exclusively, She-Ra: Princesses of Power and The Dragon Prince.

[ygreczed]

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 ??

(...)

《I feel dizzy.》

Kidou opened his eyes and searched Fudou’s for a split second : he was drinking a beer when he had fallen asleep for a fleeting moment on the brunet’s shoulder. He sat up, avoiding the petrol blue stare on him, and thoughtfully glared at the half-empty bottle in his hand.

《How much did you drink ?》The strategist mumbled, licking his lips only to get a reminiscent taste of alcohol.

《Two beers…》

《You’re drunk ?》

《Huh… Yeah, maybe.》Fudou answered, his voice low and throaty.

The room was dark, Haizaki and Kira were sleeping on the floor with a blanket on them, Kazemaru, Shirou and Kiyama were resting on the God Stricker’s bed. The tv was off for hours now, and the other boys were sleeping, but Fudou and Kidou were whispering in the night just like two middle schoolers during a slumber party.

《I’ve never been drunk before.》Kidou let out, fighting sleep and trying not to let his head fall on the brunet’s shoulder again. 《How is it like ?》

《It’s like… hard to stay focused, and hum… to fight back impulsive thoughts.》

《What impulsive thoughts ?》

《I have… mmh something to ask ya.》

Kidou mentally went through the list of questions Fudou was likely to ask : something about soccer, about strategy, about himself ? He nodded without looking back at the brunet, anticipating the words that would come from his mouth.

《Could you sleep here… tonight ?》Fudou gulped and seemed to be searching for the right thing to say. 《'Mean, the others are sleeping here too. And I… hmm, kinda like your scent.》

《You’re definitely drunk.》

Kidou sighed with a smile fortunately hidden by the obscurity. He let his head lean against Fudou’s shoulder again, feeling the number 3 turning his head to bury his nose in his hair.

《You underestimate me...》 the mohawk whispered in a sleepy and gruff voice.《I’ll learn you, you’ll see… I’ll find out what’s on your heart.》

Kidou wanted to protest but the other boy immediately started to snore slightly. Did Fudou know anything ? He frowned as he felt exhaustion invading his senses, and closed his eyes ; in a last thought, he wondered if Fudou would succeedly read through him, and then he fell asleep.

(...)

Kidou wondered how to react when he saw Fudou knocking at his window, showing in a triumphal move the Cherry Bliss bottles he had just bought. He wasn’t exactly in the mood for that, actually. He opened the window, letting the brunet climb inside his room with his singular grin.

《I found some more.》 Fudou said, smirking as he turned toward Kidou to give him two bottles. 《Let’s end what we’ve started the other day. I wanna know what kind of playmaker you are.》

Right now, Kidou was the “I will destroy Ichihoshi”-kind of playmaker, so he didn’t answer. He looked down, and smiled when he realised Fudou was wearing the same belt and the exact same pants as the last time: those straight jeans were fashionably too big for him and would most likely fall on his hips without the belt.

Hm.

It was satisfying enough to forget about the Russian player for a moment. He reached out to grip the belt and pulled Fudou closer.

《I need this.》 he said basically, a shiver running down his spine as Fudou answered with a mischievous smile.

《Sure, Kidou-kun, help yourself.》

Fudou wasn’t going to undo the belt by himself, Kidou knew it. He amusedly raised his eyebrows as he reached for the buckle and started to undo it under Fudou’s thoughtful stare. He finally took the long belt and opened the two bottles the brunet had given him. Fudou smirked and took the offered bottle to clink glasses with the blond boy.

《So, let me guess what’s on your mind.》 the number 3 said with a fruity voice, the bottleneck resting on his lower lip as he talked. 《Ichihoshi ?》

《Why would I be thinking about Ichihoshi ?》 Kidou replied, trying not to sound too irritated.

《Because he’s a little fucker who thinks he can bullshit everyone without getting ass-kicked by the big brother. You are the big brother in case it wasn’t clear enough.》

Fudou seemed to find the situation in Inazuma Japan very funny. He turned his head and walked to Kidou’s bed to drop on it nonchalantly. The number 5 joined him carefully, not sure he wanted to talk about the Russian player now, and sat on the edge of the bed to have a few sips, under the brunet’s burning gaze.

《Hmm, so that’s what was bothering you lately huh ?》 Fudou guessed, and his low, quiet voice made Kidou shiver discreetly. 《Ichihoshi.》

《He’s dangerous.》 The blond boy replied, giving the other player an accusing glance through his tinted glasses. 《And you know that too.》

《He’s sure... Suspect. But please, this shithead isn’t dangerous.》

《You’re underestimating him. I saw… how he works. He’s responsible for Gouenji’s injury.》

《Are you scared he could hurt you as well ?》

Kidou didn’t answer the question, thoughtfully toying with Fudou’s belt : he deliberately avoided his gaze, stroking the leather with the pulp of his thumb, and slightly tilted his head forth when the brunet tried to make eye-contact with him.

《Wait… that’s not about you.》 Fudou seemed to easily read on his face, even though the blond was trying hard not to show anything. The brunet remained silent for a moment, before Kidou gave in to the tentation to look back at him : suddenly, a grin invaded the number 3’s lips and Kidou realised he couldn’t hide anything anymore. 《It’s about the captain, huh ? You fear Ichihoshi because you know he could harm Endou...》

《I don’t fear him.》

《Yeah, sure, hehehe…》

Kidou gripped his beer and drank half the bottle in one-go, while Fudou was sitting cross-legged next to him : in a quick glance, the blond boy realised the number 3’s jeans were showing his black boxers as he was sitting. So Fudou was this kind of boy ? Wearing fashionably oversized jeans as if he liked looking delicate and cheeky at the same time.

《What’s going on ?》 Fudou whispered next to his ear. 《You can tell me. I’m smart enough to understand, and not to tell anyone else.》

《I swore I would protect this team the day I got called to take Inazuma Japan’s uniform… I couldn’t protect Gouenji, and I almost failed in protecting Endou. I won’t let this little fucker make a liar of me again.》

《Endou, Gouenji, and you, huh… I see.》

They were his best friends : the light that brought him back to his senses, his precious teammates. Winning the FFI was their dream for too long, and was the only reason why they agreed in to being separated for the Reinforcement Committee. They were bound to fight the world’s best teams, together, or nothing ever meant anything.

Fudou finished his first bottle with two last sips and leaned toward the former captain of Teikoku to whisper in his ear :

《Try not to lose yourself in the process.》

Kidou catched his glare for a quiet moment, and couldn’t help but gulping when Fudou smiled, his hand touching his shoulder in a flirty manner.

《Endou brought you back in the light, don’t fall into the darkness again for his sake.》

《How can you know this all ?》 Kidou breathed looking at the brunet’s glowy lips.

《I told you I would learn you.》

Something in Fudou was irresistible. This wasn’t a feeling Kidou knew very well ; all of his relationships had always been ‘logical’ until he met Endou and Gouenji, yet he didn’t know anything about this lustful desire driving him at this very moment. Fudou was making him feel like he'd never felt before. It was warm, soft, and also burning, sparkling. Something was linking them, and he couldn’t determine what.

《Will you give the belt back to me ?》 Fudou demanded quietly after a brief silent minute.

《No.》 Kidou admitted with a smoky voice.

《Then give me something… in exchange.》

Fudou’s hand flew to Kidou’s goggles, his thin fingers brushing the central part, just between his eyes.

《I want your eyes.》 He let out in a breath, looking deep into his gaze through the green glass. 《I want to see what’s hiding in them.》

《What do you expect to see ?》 The blond inquired -the air seemed to refuse entering his lungs for no reason.

《Anything you’ll show me, Kidou.》

Kidou gulped silently and reached the back of the goggles with his right hand, putting the left one in front of the glass. In a slow, anxious move, he removed the blue accessory, revealing his closed eyes. He couldn’t believe he was going to do that : his goggles were the last wall separating him from the rest of the world, and he didn’t feel like facing it right now.

《I can’t.》 he finally muttered, his breath quickened while his eyes remained solely closed.

《I was expecting it.》 the number 3 answered in a mocking yet soft voice.

《Why did you ask if you knew I wouldn’t do it ?》

《You tried... this already tells lots about you, you know.》

Kidou wondered if he should put his goggles back to open his eyes again but he suddenly felt a breath near his cheek and froze. A light, brushing kiss fell on the corner of his eye.

《I would be careful if I were you. Ichihoshi is sneaky, and might be smarter than you think.》

Fudou’s lips disappeared from his temple and Kidou waited silently for one full minutes before he decided to open his eyes again. The room was empty and the curtains were floating from the late summer breeze entering by the open window. Kidou looked back at his bed, where Fudou was sitting a moment ago : the Cherry Bliss bottle cap was there, lying on the blanket like a signature.

The blond smiled slightly, and put the golden-and-pink cap in his pocket.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Here is the second part ! I'm in vacations in the mountains and I have almost NO INTERNET... It breaks frequently because of night storms so I'm posting it now it works ahah.

As I said before the fic part is all written, I just have the comic parts to do... but I didn't bring my pc with me so -heh... I'll get back at it when I'll be back home, before going back to school !

(Still tagging some of my kdfd pals : @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 , @inazumafocus , @funips , @maryseph )

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

You’re my only friend

A/N: I’m back. With an all new John Wick story.

Words: 2,552

Pairing: John Wick / OFC

When he walked in that day, Lauren could see the fresh cuts and bruises in his face. She hadn’t seen him in 5 years. Back when she worked here daily, he’d usually come by weekly. Refuel his car, one package of Lucky Strike’s. Sometimes he even bought a Mars bar.

 10 years ago, when she started working at the gas station to earn herself some money while studying to become an accountant, he was one of the first customers who came by. He was wearing a black suit, with a black turtleneck. His hair had been shorter. He had looked like he came right out of a Ralph Lauren advert. Except for the black eye and the fresh cut on his left cheek.

Her boss George had told her that his name was John Wick and that he had bought the house on the hill the year before.

It was only a couple of weeks later, she had his usual package of cigarettes waiting for him, when he came in to pay, that he introduced himself with a little smile, thanking her.

Every time she saw him, he had another injury. Sometimes it was only his hands, that were bandaged. On other days, his face was full of cuts and bruises.

There was something dark about him. Something she couldn’t quite explain.

 One night, she had just been dumped by her boyfriend a week before graduation, she had spotted him in a bar. It was the first time his face was unharmed since she first saw him. He was sitting at the end of the bar all by himself, drinking a scotch.

“So you do go out?” Lauren had sat down beside him. He turned in his seat, as he saw who sat down.

“Once or twice a year.” He had smirked.

“Must be my lucky day then.” She teased.

“Maybe.”

They had talked about their whole life’s in that night. He had tried to convince her that he was a book binder, and she had not believed a word he said. John had brought her home that night, to make sure she got there safe.

The weeks after that meeting he stayed for at least a coffee when he came by the gas station. He once told her that she was his only friend. She couldn't quite believe it.

One night he told her about the women he met. Helen was her name. She could see in his eyes that something changed in him. And she couldn’t help the sadness that she had felt in that moment. She tried to be happy for him, to remind herself, that it would have never worked out for the two of them. She was to young.

 The last time she saw him was on a Monday night, almost 5 years ago. He had looked like hell.

“Jesus John, what happened to you?” She walked to him, as soon as he had entered the gas station.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” He had said.

“You look like someone ran you over with a car.”

“They did.” He had mumbled.

“Explain.” She had demanded. That's when he had told her. Everything. About how he grew up. About what had happened. About what he did for a living.

“But that’s it. I’m out. I’m going to marry Helen.”

“You will?”

“If she says yes.”

“Then good luck.” She had smiled at him.

Lauren had left for her new job in New York City the next day, without saying goodbye.

 John just wanted to get home. He had to process the last 2 weeks. Helen’s death. Daisy being killed by that fucker Iosef. His revenge on him. Head shaking, he looked over to the shop where his only friend used to work before she left without a word.

He still missed her. He could have needed someone to talk to in the last years. He had never told Helen about his life before her. She had never known, how exactly he had made his money before they met.

The only person outside of the underworld, that knew was her. Even if it was just for a day.

He knew that she worked as head of accounting in some huge PR Firm in New York City. But if she had wanted for him to know, she would have told him herself. He often wondered, if he did something wrong back in the day.

 Walking through the familiar door of the gas station he reached for his money to pay.

“Fuel and cigarettes.” He said to the cashier.

“Which ones?” The cashier asked.

“He takes Lucky Strikes.” Someone called from the back office.

“Yeah…” John slowly confirmed the asking look of the cashier. John could hear mumbled talking from the back office, before the door completely opened and Lauren walked through, a hesitant smile on her face.

John looked at her blindfolded for at least 15 seconds, before the cashier waved a hand in front of his face. Ah yes. He still had to pay.

After doing that, he walked over to Lauren, who was now standing by the door.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry I just left. I thought it was easier that way.” She began, but John ignored her completely and hugged her tightly.

“I missed you.” He whispered in her ear.

“Missed you too.”

 “I can’t believe I’ve never been here.” Lauren said, walking through John’s house. He had demanded her to come to his house for dinner. She hadn’t complained.

“You could have come over any time.”

“Before or after you told me you killed people for a living?” Lauren asked, walking into the kitchen, where John was cooking dinner. She never would have taken him for a guy who could cook.

“Any time.” He looked at her honestly.

Lauren hopped on the kitchen island eying his cooking.

“I thought you said you were finished? What about Helen?”

She could see him tense before he took a deep breath.

“Helen had cancer. She died 3 weeks ago.”

“I’m so so sorry John.” Lauren reached for his arm. He nodded and continued.

“She got a dog for me. It was delivered on the day of her funeral.”

“That dog?” The grey pitbull was laying to her feet.

“No. No it was a puppy. I only had her for 2 days before someone broke into my house, knocked me out and killed her. That someone also stole my car. So I did what I had to do.”

“Do I want to know?”

“I don’t think so. It’s over now.”

“You already said that years ago.”

John looked at her. Her eyes full of compassion. She had changed in the last years. Her hair was longer. She had a light scar above her right eyebrow, which hadn’t been there before. But her eyes where all the same.

“And I meant it. Like I mean it now.” John took the pot with noodles from the stove.

“But enough about my sad life. You still have to explain why you just left. And what are you doing now anyway?”

Lauren crossed her legs.

 “I’m head of accounting at a big PR Firm in New York. I just got promoted 2 weeks ago and thought I could visit my family for a week, before I have to get back.”

“Congratulations.” John gave her a little smile.

“Thank you very much Mr. Wick.”

“You still didn’t answer the first question.”

She sighed as John came to stand in front of her.

“I thought we were friends.”

She couldn’t stop herself, as she reached to stroke his cheek. He looked at her surprised.

“Oh John. You really didn’t know, did you?” She smiled sadly at him. That’s when all the dots connected.

“Lauren…”

“No. No it’s okay. A lot has happened since then.” She winked at him and pushed herself off the kitchen island to go to the bathroom.

 They had spent the following 2 days catching up, before Lauren had to go back to the city.

“I could drive you.”

“I have my own car.”

“Call me when you get home” He demanded.

“Yes Dad.” She laughed and kissed his cheek before she sat herself in her car, to drive back to New York.

John long stood outside of his house, her car long gone.

She had told him only a day ago, that she had been in love with him. That that was the reason she left all these years ago. He shook his head. She was almost 20 years younger than him. It couldn’t have worked. But why couldn’t he stop thinking about it?

 The days were even longer than they used to be. Lauren was pretty sure her head would explode, if she would be forced to sit through one more meeting.

"Have a nice weekend Lauren. If I see you here this weekend, you're fired." Mr. Twickham, her boss said.

"That I wouldn't risk. I'll just type in the last numbers and then I have a hot date with the book I've been trying to finish since my vacation."

"Have fun!" Mr. Twickham winked.

"Thanks."

She made her way through the almost empty floor to her office. Her heels clicking on the floor. Pushing the door to her office open, she flicked on the lights and had to suppress a scream as her eyes met John's bloody face.

"What happened to you?" She breathed and shut the door behind her.

"Complications at work." His face twitched while he answered.

Head shaking she made her way over to him.

"It's not my fault. They destroyed my house. It's gone." He groaned clutching his side.

She followed his movements and saw his bloody shirt.

"You need to go to a hospital."

"I can't."

"Well what do you usually do, when something like this happens?" Lauren asked.

"The continental hotel. I go there. But I first had to see you."

"Why?"

"Because if I had gone there immediately, someone would be dead right now, and my life would be over."

Lauren stood head shaking in front of him.

"You're an idiot Wick." She went over to her desk, looking for her purse and coat, before she came back to him extending her hand to him. He looked at her asking.

"Come on. I'm getting you to that hotel, before you bleed all over my floor."

 All eyes were on them, as they entered the hotel. She would have to ask him, what kind of hotel this place was.

"I'm guessing you need to see the doctor Jonathan?" An older man came to stand in front of them.

"If you don't want him to bleed out on the floor you better get on it." Lauren rolled her eyes annoyed. The man smirked at her, before two other people came by to help get John to hopefully a doctor, which left her alone with the older man.

"I'm sorry I must have lost my manners. I'm Winston, the manager of this hotel."

"I'm a friend of John's" She introduced herself vague, before she spotted the blood on her coat. John's blood. Winston must have sensed her unease, as he reached slowly for her arm, helping her out of the coat. He handed it to someone behind him.

"I'm guessing you want to wait for John. You can do that upstairs in his room. Let me take you there."

 She must have fallen asleep after Winston had brought her up. John's dog had happily welcomed her, as she entered the room, crashing down on the bed. She turned her head to the side in the now dark room, seeing the familiar silhouette of John laying beside her in only his boxers. There was only a little light coming through the windows, but it was enough for her, to see the extent of his injuries. Old and new.

"Jesus Wick. Why are you doing this?" She whispered to herself, before she fell asleep again.

 The smell of coffee waked her the next morning. Sleepily she opened her right eye to catch John's next to her.

"You're awake." He was still laying next to her.

"Awake is not the right term for that. I smell coffee?" Lauren pushed herself up to sit and saw a whole breakfast on the table in front of the window.

Walking slowly she poured herself a cup and took a first sip. She heard a chuckle from the bed.

"I need caffeine for the conversation we are about to have. You want some too?" She asked him. He nodded, and tried to sit up.

"Stay." She ordered and John sighed before he fell back on the bed.

 The next 2 hours Lauren listened to everything that had happened after she left John almost 3 weeks ago. Apparently some Italian idiot had come for John and he had no choice but to do what he said. Which was killing his sister. Which resulted in him wanting John dead.

"When I kill him, there is no one left of his family, and I'd be free to do as I please."

"But you didn't do it."

"I can't do it here. That's a rule." Lauren nodded, not even asking any more questions.

"But I have to finish this. I have to..." Lauren kneeled in front of him on the bed.

"I know. But first you have to heal."

"Thank you." He said after a while.

"For what? I only brought you here."

"You're still my only friend." He whispered. Lauren lay down next to him on her side. He turned himself so he was facing her.

"And I will continue to be your friend. And when you're finished with all of this, you'll know where to find me. But until then, be safe John." She leaned in and wanted to kiss his cheek when he turned his face and her lips landed on his. She shrank back, as if she was electrified.

"I'm.. Sorry. I should go. Please be safe and stay alive." Lauren jumped from the bed, putting her shoes on, and leaving John confused on the bed.

 It was almost a half year later when there was a knock on her door. It was Sunday, and she hadn't bothered putting on clothes and went to the door, only in a big old shirt.

She was waiting for her food to arrive, nobody else would come by at that time.

The money for her insanely big sushi order in her hand, she opened the door to be greeted with John standing there, a little suitcase next to him.

She blinked a couple of times, to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. There were no bruises in his face and he looked healthy.

"John... What..." She didn't get to continue, as he put his arms around her, and pushed her against the wall next to her door, his lips on hers. Her hands wandered into his hair and she couldn't help the moan that made it's way out of her. He bit her lip before he leaned his forehead on hers. Both of them trying to catch some air.

There was a light knock next to them on the door, that still stood open. John leaned to look outside, his hands not leaving her body.

A young man was standing there holding a bag.

"Sushi for 5D?"

[mc-dude]

home

The sky is overcast, when it finally happens.

He thought it would be clear– the sun would come out, clouds would part, birds start singin’, etc., etc.. Had envisioned that the weight would lift off of his chest and he could finally take a unhindered breath for the first time in seven years, imagined some kinda cosmic entity would descend from the sky and tell him rest now, gabriel. You’ve done enough.

But there’s only a light drizzling of rain and a pile of bird shit precariously close to his coat, the fumes of distant smouldering buildings melting into the skyline. He snorts. Typical. His right heel clunks against the perforated concrete as he swings his leg out and in, out and in.

The world never gave a shit about him or his fucking problems, and it’s not about to start now.

A purple clad thigh settles down a respectful distance away from him.

“Well, that was almost disappointing,” she sighs, haphazardly waving her hand in the air in emphasis, “how easy they fell.”

Gabe huffs, leaning back on his forearms, eyes still trained on the billowing plumes of smoke in the distance. “It’s a lot easier to behead someone once you’ve removed all their limbs.”

“Eugh, asqueroso,” she pinches her nose. “I’m glad I can count on you to provide the vivid imagery as usual, amigo.”

His nose itches. It’s something he’s long ignored, the constant mending of his skin, the way it destroys and rebuilds itself over and over in a disgusting mockery of biology. The constant pain has become something of a reassurance– it means he can still feel something. He leans back on aching wrists, angling for a distraction.

“Did you dump the info online?”

“Por favor, who do you take me for? I did it ages ago. It’s trending on every news site worldwide.” She pulls up a holoscreen, shoving it in front of his nose. “This one is even calling for a post-humerus pardon for one Commander Gabriel Reyes.”

“Hmm. A bit late.”

“The common folk are always such, amigo. Can never see what’s right in front of their noses.” She reaches over to boop his nose. Gabe swats at her hand without any real vigor.

“So,” she starts, hesitating just long enough for Gabe to know whatever she’s about to say he’s not gonna like. “What are you gonna do now?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Die, I guess.”

“Dios mío, you’re always so fucking dramatic.”

Gabe ignores her. He always thought this fight would end with his (second) death, splattered against the floor of some forgotten warehouse, alone and forgotten. Now that it‘s over, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s going to do.

That’s a lie, an annoying voice whispers into his ear. You know what you want to do. He tells that voice to shut the fuck up and flops back against the rooftop, hand rubbing at his temple.

“Here I thought you would settle into a nice retirement– ” Gabriel catches the incredulous laugh that bubbles out of his throat before it leaves his lips “ –get a nice quiet house in L.A., adopt a dog. Maybe take up cross-stitching.”

“Hilarious.”

“I wasn’t making a joke.” She stands up, stretching her hands above her head. He trains an eye on her as she perches on the edge of the roof, arms outstretched to keep her balance. Adrenaline junky, he grouses to himself. Gonna get her killed.

“You’re right, Gabe,” she says, quietly. Serious, for the first time in a while. It makes him lift his head to give her his full attention. “You’re done. This long war you’ve been raising, it’s over. You deserve a little R&R.” She turns to him, smirk on her face. She taps her lips with a finger as if in deep thought. “Maybe a vacation? Somewhere sunny with a nice view.” She points her finger in the air, eyes going wide with a wicked sort of delight. “I know this great place in Gibraltar–”

Just like that, his amicable mood sours. He throws his arm over his mask with a groan. “Shut the fuck up, Sombra.”

“No, I’m serious. Hear me out– you’ve exposed them!” She pauses, spinning around on the edge and walking back the way she came. “Well.. I did, because I’m awesome and the security on that omnic’s hardware was hilarious bad, but that’s besides the point.” She turns and spreads her arms wide, gesturing to the horizon. “They know now. Everyone knows what really happened, what caused the fall of you’re little club.” She takes a few steps closer to him and kneels down so that they’re on a more even level, her voice growing quiet again. “You don’t have to hide anymore.”

Gabe stares at her. Doesn’t have to hide. What a joke. His nose itches again. He wiggles it in annoyance. Tired red eyes glance back up at the overcast sky. A drop of water lands on the eye hole of his mask, rolls down until it hits his decaying skin and evaporates. A wisp of smoke rolls off the point of impact, fading into the skyline. The exhaustion hits him all at once.

“I’m tired, Somb.”

“I know,” she coos, patting the top of his hood with fondness. “And now you can rest. Reconcile. Relax.”

Gabe glares at her. “You think it’s gonna be that easy? Forgiveness doesn’t just happen overnight.”

“But they must have read the news, must have realised by now what you’ve been doing–”

“Who said I was talking about their forgiveness?”

“Gabriel,” she says softly, tentatively.

He sits back up, wraps his arms around one of his knees to rest his chin on it. The fires are starting to die down, now just a whiff of smoke lazily drifting towards the sky. He can hear sirens in the distance, muffled by the thick fabric of his hood.

“.. you know what Talon did to me. You read the files.”

“I recall skimming the procedures done to one Subject 002 while I was carefully reducing their supplies of relevant pharmaceuticals over time, yes.” She pauses. “.. but you remember, don’t you? Once the sessions stopped, once the drugs were so watered down they had no effect on you anymore.”

“Bits and pieces,” he admits reluctantly. “They’ll come back to me in dreams, sometimes. Never know if they’re fucking real.” He kicks at the wall again. “The anger stays, though. The betrayal. All those years of having them feed that shit directly into my brain. Those aren’t so easy to get rid of.”

“You read the reports yourself, Gabe. What they did to you, what they made you think. What they did to make Jac–��

He glares at her sharply. “Don’t,” he rasps, low and dangerous.

Sombra puts her hands up defensively. “I’m just sayin’. The data doesn’t lie.”

He sighs, the exhausting eating away at his bones like it always does, making him hunch over like the old fucker he is. “I know. But this–” he taps the side of his skull. “This does.” A whiff of smoke rolls off of the impact, sifting into the air like a disease. “Who knows what fucking side effects I have from the shit they did. Some kind of programming to hurt someone after some predetermined conditions are met.” He tries not to think about the way they found Gerard, lying in a pool of his own blood with a single bullet hole lodged neatly between his forehead, a peaceful smile on his face. Of course, of all the fucking memories he got back, that is the one he can remember with perfect clarity. “Maybe by killing them all I just triggered something,” he says darkly, cautiously, “and one day you’ll wake up to see me hovering over your bed with a shotgun in your face.”

Sombra tsks, disgusted. “Like you could get past my security.”

Gabe rolls his eyes. “Whatever. You know what I mean.” He kicks his feet again. “It’s better if i just– fade away. For everyone.”

“Hmm,” Sombra sits down next to him, neatly folding her feet under her legs. “For you, maybe. Not for the people who still care about you.”

Gabe huffs. “No one cares about me.” Sombra taps her chin.

“That’s weird, then what’s the recorded 248 hours of log files I found on a certain swiss doctor’s computer of her running simulations on how to reverse your condition? The last one was made, oh,” she checks her arm display, “two days ago, by the way.” She opens a holodisplay of a white lily and waves it in front of his face. “Or the flowers that get sent to your sister’s fabric store every other month? There’s no name, but I traced the account to a bank in Cairo.” Gabe tenses up, fingers curling into the concrete. It crumbles beneath his grip. “Or should I tell you about a certain old man with a receding hairline who visits your grave every third sunday of the month–”

“Enough.“

“Oh, and then there’s a certain renown hacker who has been assisting you with your fucking mission for the past few years, you absolute moron. I know we don’t talk about feelings much, but you have to know that I care about you.”

Gabe tries to uncurl from where he’s been cradling the panging in his chest. “You care because I’m useful,” he spits between clenched teeth.

Sombra laughs. “Just because you’re useful doesn’t mean I don’t care. What’s the point of friends if you don’t help each other out?” She leans over to bump her shoulder against his arm. The impact makes him wince. “Nice attempt to change the subject, by the way.” She leans in closer, wrapping her fingers around the cuff of his jacket. “What are you so afraid of, Gabriel? That they won’t accept you, or that they will?”

His hand is shaking as he reaches for his mask, unclipping it and unsteadily pressing his knuckles to his forehead. “Fuck.” He hates how fucking perceptive she is. He used to have so many secrets before he met her. Smoke drifts away from a hole on his face, a haze of nanites that remind him just how fucking hopeless his situation is.

“They’ll never accept me looking like this.” He feels a third eye erupt from his forehead, world tilting with an infrared hue that he'll never get used to. He trains it on Sombra (as if to say see?) who doesn’t even flinch, just shrugs.

“Pff, come on. I’ve seen pics from when you were younger, Soldier 24.” He instinctively bristles at the name. “You were super hot. I’m sure the good doctor will be able to fix you up.” She pats his thigh amicably and reaches for a pouch on her belt to pull something out, hiding it behind her back. “Okay, hold our your hand.”

Gabe narrows his eyes. “Why.”

Sombra pouts. “Because that’s what you do when you’re accepting a gift.”

“I don’t want any of your gifts.”

“Always so difficult. Here–”

Sombra reaches out for his hand and places a light metal object in it. Gabe turns it over in his hand.

“.. and this is?”

“A phone. Come on, I know you’re not that old–”

“Sombra,” he interrupts with gritted teeth.

“It’s secure. My own work, of course. All you have to do is hit número uno on the speed dial.” She pats his hand one more time and springs to her feet. “For when you’re ready.”

If his heart still beat he’s sure it’d be bleeding out of his chest by now. He tries to clear his throat, but when he speaks it’s a barely audible rasp. “Ready for..?”

Sombra smiles at him before spinning on her heel to the fire escape, one hand waving casually over her shoulder.

“To see your family again.”

Gabe watches her walk away. He glances back down at the phone in his right hand. His mask is still in the other.

He stares at the both for a long time, until the sun sets behind the distant hills and the moon peaks out behind a sudden gap in the clouds. The moonlight gives his mask an almost ethereal glow. It’s well-crafted; hand-sculpted carbon fiber, built in holographic display with all the latest tech. He vaguely remembers the day he got it, handed to him by some dead guy with a smug look on his face. A new face for the new you. We can’t have you scaring the populace, now can we, my dear Reaper.

Fuck, he hated that guy. The shotgun blast to the roof of his mouth was the least he deserved. He curls his fingers around the edge of the mask.

It’s transformed from something they forced on him to something he’s chosen to hide behind, something that keeps him safe from prying eyes. He doesn’t remember the last time he took it off, before now.

You don’t have to hide anymore. Gabe pauses. Considers.

“Fuck that,” he announces with finality.

He takes one last look at the mask before curling his arm back as far as it can go and launching it into the distance.

He lets his coat and gloves dissolve and tugs the hood from his hoodie up over his head. He palms the phone, chest clenched with indecision before powering it on and hitting the 1 button before he can stop himself.

The dial tone rings once. Twice. Someone picks up.

“.. Gabriel.”

Not a question, not a statement. Just his name, spoken from lips he hasn’t heard it from in years. His knees almost give out and he sags heavily against the wall, hand clenched over his mouth to muffle the sob that works its way up his throat.

“Are you ready to come home?” No nonsense, straight to the point. Just like she’s always been. Gabe lets out a shaky laugh and stands, wiping his palms on his pants.

“Yeah,” he makes for the fire escape, making sure his hood is tugged snugly on top of his head before opening the door. “I’m ready.”

[theficpusher]

Packed Lunches, Sticky Fingers and Accidental Levitation by LadyLondonderry | G | 10033 Harry Styles is a skilled work-from-home potionist five years out of university with a steady job, a house, and... eight kids. He also might be heading towards a breakdown if he doesn't get a bit of help. Enter a meddling pixie and an old university friend he might or might not have had a lot of feelings for.

My Bright Blue Sky (The Sun in My Eyes) by pillarboxred | T | 16269 “Clara, this is Liam.” Harry looks up at Liam, not at Clara. “He...he takes care of us.” Liam attempts a smile that he doesn't really feel. Clara blinks at him, that same slow blink that he’s seen on Harry, and a long moment passes before she shifts and buries her face in Harry’s neck. Harry’s hand covers the back of her head again, and he whispers something to her that Liam can't hear too well but sounds a lot like he does. Or, Harry's daughter turns up at their door and she's much more than she appears to be.

The Oldest Magic Word by FullOnLarrie | E | 18055 Louis gets called up to play Seeker for the English National Team and when he gets there, he finds out that Harry Styles, his old school crush, is the Team Healer.

Some Flowers In Your Hair by letsjustsee | E | 23015 When Louis mentions offhandedly that he’s really been enjoying watching some TV show called Alone, and that the idea of humans surviving without magic in the wilderness fascinates him, he would never have guessed it would land him in a situation like this. This is supposed to be a friendly camping trip between Louis and Liam, just a couple of bros surviving in the wilderness for bragging rights, not whatever rigmarole that fucker is currently outlining. And certainly not including one Harry Styles, pretentious twat that he is. What is he getting himself into? Or, a magical camping AU in which Louis is jealous of Harry's magic, Liam's a little too enthusiastic about surviving in the wilderness, and Niall might have misunderstood the rules.

parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme [Series] by MediaWhore | E | 27760 The one where Harry is a cursed witch living in a small town and Louis is the Detective Inspector who crossed his path. A Practical Magic AU

lightning before the thunder by delsicle | T | 29210 Harry came from one of the most powerful lines of fire mages in the country. He was supposed to be a natural at magic, a prodigy, even. But instead he was in the X-Factor contestant house kitchen at two in the morning, wearing only his pants, and he had just set the stove on fire while making snacks for his bandmates and the boy he was in love with. Or, just another X Factor fic featuring dumb boys with dumber crushes, growing pains, random fires, and a dragon.

It's a Better Place (Since You Came Along) by phdmama | E | 51866 When Harry Styles, a mid-level talent, Finder, and small business owner, sets off on the vacation of a lifetime with his best friend, Niall Horan, he has no idea the changes his life will undergo over the next nine days. He's got it all planned - there's going to be shore excursions, lounging by the pool on the deck of the luxurious cruise ship, not to mention margaritas. What he does not plan for are the new friends, new bonds, or the mystery from his past that comes back to haunt him, and he certainly hasn't planned for Louis.

i never did believe in the ways of magic by binarysunsets | T | 55002 Louis can’t shake the feeling that there’s something in the woods, pressing close and watching him with a heavy gaze. It makes him antsy, fills him with jitters. He wants to run, or scream, but he knows to do so would only put him in danger if there’s actually something out there after all. He’s sure he’s just imagining it, but his heart nevertheless pounds in his throat. When Louis Tomlinson goes on a songwriting retreat to the Laurentian Mountains of Canada, this isn't how he expects his evening to go. or the au where Louis is a singer who has been cursed to never make music again and Harry is a reclusive witch of the Canadian mountains who's going to help him break the curse.

domestic monsters [Series] by g_uttertrash | E | 234161 Harry is a witch from a long line of power, an ancient line that’s one of the strongest left alive in their hemisphere. He can cast spells without a word if need be, fly on a broomstick, and has a black cat (a kitten, really) named Felix that is his animal familiar. He can shape galaxies in his cupped hands and can destroy them just as easily. He can choose exactly how to use his power, for encouragement and support, or for more nefarious causes if he wishes to. And as fate would have it, he’s scared of haunted houses. (Harry is a witch who carries around a stuffed pumpkin, Louis is a vampire with too much time on his hands, and their best mates Zayn & Niall aren't exactly what they seem...)

[robininthelabyrinth]

Frank Castle/Matt Murdock meet Coldwave fic

Set in @jewishfrankcastle​'s domestic AU where Mick and Len have retired to a farm and are villainously herding a small armada of children and animals - all details come from that. For their birthday, @jewishfrankcastle requested Frank Castle and Matt Murdock meeting Len and Mick.

Happy birthday! I hope you like it!

link to ao3

---------------------------

They meet, perhaps unsurprisingly, at the dog park.

Frank's never been to Central before - his work tends a bit more towards exotic or politically influential locations, but there are corrupt cops and murderers everywhere, and that means he goes everywhere.

He's been mostly focusing on corrupt cops and politicians lately, rather than run-of-the-mill murderers - Matt'd made a good point in their last dust-up about how people abusing the levers of powers were full on destroying the systems that most normal people relied on, while random murderers sometimes had reasons.

Never excuses, but reasons.

And, well, in the heat of the moment Frank'd had some sort of pithy remark about how vigilantes weren't really part of the system either, so there Murdock, but after the adrenaline faded, Frank had to give him the point. Frank's always focused mostly on gangs for a reason - institutional power's a bitch - and it seems wrong not to go after the biggest blue-clad gang of them all.

Especially given how often corrupt cop seemed to be synonymous with murderer nowadays.

Anyway, he and Matt ended up settling their differences the way they usually did these days - talking shit at each other till their voices start getting hoarse, then one of 'em making a final call. If Frank thought there was something particularly vile about 'em, he'd end them his way; if Matt was dead on convinced that they were innocent or something, Frank'd let Matt rescue the scumsucker.

And then they'd go off their separate ways, of course, and bicker about it some more over a few cups of hot cocoa back at home.

It is, no two ways about it, the weirdest relationship Frank's ever been in, but what the hell, it makes them both happy. Frank likes things that make him happy, and nowadays he tries to keep life simple.

Unfortunately, simple doesn’t always agree with him about that.

Take this trip to Central, for instance. Frank'd gotten a tip-off about the organized crime in Central (they called them Families here, with chewed off syllables and a grimace of distaste), some offshoot of which was forcing kids to traffic their drugs with their families at gun point, with corrupt cops on the payroll ready to bury any confession by any kid dumb enough to try to turn on them.

Ready to bury any kid, too, and call it self-defense.

So Frank'd packed up his shit (Matt likes to tease him about how many suitcases he packs, but he has no room to talk; Frank's been on vacation with him before and he doesn't even bring guns!) and planned on heading out the way he always did, except Matt ended up being asked to join one of his weird slumber parties ("Defenders team-ups are not slumber parties!" yeah they are) and all their friends were out of town, and that meant there was no one to watch Max.

Which, fine. Frank's used to taking Max with him when he goes out - poor dog's a sweetheart and perfectly happy to stay in a safe place while Frank does what needs to be done, but Frank's starts feeling bad if he doesn't let Max stretch his legs a bit.

Thus the dog park.

Most people there have these dumb little city dogs that they try to keep away from Max, probably because they're bigoted assholes that buy into the whole 'pit bulls are evil' crap, and Frank's just about to drop his disguise sunglasses (Matt thinks they're hilarious, but seriously, the red-glasses-wearing kettle can stop calling the pot black any day now) to glare at the fuckers keeping Max from having a good time when some big ol' fucker walks into the park with two pits and a mutt, none of which he's keeping leashed, and everyone just -

Relaxes?

Seriously, they stop clutching at their Pekingese and Bichon Frises and shit and let 'em go to scamper around smelling each other’s butts, and Max is in doggie seventh heaven or some shit.

The tough guy - six-foot-something with a bull's worth of muscle on him, shaved bald and looking dangerous - looks around the park, spots Frank, and comes over.

Doesn't sit right next to him, no intimidation shit or anything that Frank might be inclined to take issue with, but close enough that having a chat's not a big deal.

If anything, the rest of the park gets even more relaxed.

Guy don't say nothing for a couple of minutes, so Frank decides to start up this ballgame.

"People here sure are friendly," he says.

The big guy snorts. "Sure they are," he says, voice halfway between ironic and fond. "Once they know you ain't Family or a pig of the human variety."

Frank straightens up, kinda insulted. They thought he was a mobster? Or a cop? Him?

"Easy now," the guy laughs. "They know you ain't one anymore, now that I'm here, but you can't blame 'em for being wary."

"Now that you're here?" Frank echoes.

"I hate Family," the guy says. "A lot. And my partner hates corrupt cops - most cops, not gonna lie, but corrupt ones worst of all - and we ain't shy about chasing them outta our parts of the city."

"Your parts of the city?"

"The slums," the guy clarifies. "Where half the population or more's taken a swing by our resident jail cells - that's Iron Heights, here, and I'd avoid it if at all possible if I were you."

"And here I heard the thing to avoid was the Flash," Frank says, unable to keep from commenting on the superhero-shaped elephant in the room. He'd started seeing the memorabilia nearly a hundred miles away, and in Central proper it gets positively overwhelming.

And a little concerning, Frank's not gonna lie. He's used to superheroes like Matt, like Matt's friends - some powers, yeah, but kinda down to earth like. People he could stop with a bullet (or, in Luke's case, a bunch of nets or superglue or something; he's still working on that). He's not quite sure what to do with someone who can purportedly catch a bullet in midair and have Frank on the ground before he's had time to fire the next one.

He's planning on getting his business in town done quick and quiet and hopefully over before he has to make the guy's acquaintance.

"He's easy enough to avoid," the guy says with a shrug. "Especially this time of year; it's gorilla season."

Frank pauses, because he's gotta have heard that wrong.

"Yeah, gorillas," the guy confirms. He sounds tired out just thinking about 'em. "Some lab cooked up a super intelligent gorilla with telepathic powers -"

"What the fuck."

"I know right? Anyway, the Flash ended up tossing that gorilla somewhere in another universe or some bullshit like that - don't ask, you don't want to know -"

Guy's right. Frank really, really doesn't.

"- and it turns out that universe has its own gangs of super-intelligent gorillas, and once a year they manage to open a portal back to our earth to try to invade. That's how you get -"

"-gorilla season," Frank finishes. "Jesus."

"Yeah."

They sit in companionable silence for a while.

"Your big pit's got a lot of scars," Frank eventually observes. The big one's all scarred, while the smaller one's a bit roughed up but no more than a bit of tough living would get him. The last one, the mutt, he's just a goddamn lazy shit, rolling around on the grass and barely getting up to prance around, but he seems fine. "That something we should be talking about?"

The guy shoots Frank an approving look, of all things. "Nah," he says. "We rescued Tony from a Family dogfighting operation that we were shutting down with prejudice, if you know what I mean."

Well, shucks. Look at that. Frank thinks he may have made a friend.

Matt is never gonna believe him.

"Got my Max much the same way," Frank says. "New York gang."

"Fuckers," the guy says agreeably. "The smaller one, Poppy, we got her the same way, but she was new, y'know? Hadn't gotten to too much fighting yet. Well. She fights with the goats - my partner and I own a farm outside of town," he adds, seeing Frank's raised eyebrows. "That's where she gets all those band-aids from."

Frank buys it. Those band-aids are cute enough, but also located just where an exasperated goat might decide to butt an irritating dog away.

"And the mutt?" he asks, nodding at the dog, which seems to have decided to take a nap.

"Turtle."

Frank snorts.

"Yeah, he's always like that," the guy laughs, and that’s that. They sit around, don’t talk, and it’s all nice and domestic and shit until it’s time for Frank to collect Max and go.

Of course, next time they run into each other, Frank’s in the middle of a warehouse with a bunch of screaming children and a lot of dead mobsters, splattered all over in blood and trying to figure out if he should’ve worn gloves because he can’t exactly go on picking up kids with bloody hands, now can he?

Big guy – Frank never got his name – walks through the door, holding some weird sort of reddish gun.

Frank blinks at him.

Guy blinks back.

“Well, that saves me some trouble,” the guy says. “How’d you get tipped off about this before I did? You’re not even local.”

“They picked a kid whose parents kicked her out for being trans,” Frank says. “After all the work she’d been putting in to save their asses from these assholes, too. No idea how she got my number.”

“Guess she was really pissed,” the guy says. He’s as agreeable as ever, even though they’re surrounded in a sea of blood and bunch of dead mobsters. “I probably would’ve just scared the shit outta ‘em for the first offense.”

“I don’t really believe in first offences when kids are involved,” Frank says.

Said kids have also stopped crying and screaming, actually, even though they're still just as traumatized. If anything, though, they're looking at big guy like he's come to rescue them - which, hey! Frank did all the hard work here! One of the kids actually pipes up and goes, “Can you get us home, Heatwave?”

That's the most coherent thing any of 'em have said since Frank arrived, guns blazing. He'd been trying to get words outta them for ten minutes before this.

“Sure thing, kiddo,” the big guy (Heatwave?) says, then looks at Frank. “You need a place to crash while the heat dies down on you for this?”

Frank makes a face. He’d been planning on getting bloody, of course, but maybe not quite this bloody, and a classic Punisher attack will bring the Feds down like nothing else. And Feds mean road blockades, and he’s got Max to think about.

Aw, what the hell. This guy seems pretty cool. Even the kids seem to trust him, and the kids don't trust Frank even after he's rescued 'em, which is clearly a sign of good discernment and excellent survival skills.

“Sure,” he says. Then, awkwardly, he sticks out a hand and says, “Frank Castle.”

The guy shakes (ignoring the blood) and says, “Mick Rory.”

The name pings something familiar, but Frank can’t recall what. His memory’s not the best nowadays.

Rory ushers everyone outside and does a quick check of the area to make sure nobody’s still in there, just in case, and then he takes that dinky little water-gun-looking red thing in his hand and lights the whole goddamn place on fire.

“What the hell,” Frank says. That gun should not be able to make a flame that large. “You know that won’t cover my tracks, right?”

The Feds have gotten to tracking Frank's bullets. Frank doesn't mind - he likes getting credit for what he's done.

“It’s not for that,” Rory says.

Then he stops and waits for something, Frank’s not sure what.

And then Frank does know what, because there’s a goddamn burst of yellow lightning and suddenly there’s a kid in a red suit standing there where he definitely wasn’t standing before. The rumors were not kidding about the Flash’s speed.

“Mick, what are you doing?” the kid says, hands on hips, frowning a little. “It’s not like you to go off without warning anymore. Aren’t you retired?”

Retired? Retired from what, arson?

No, wait. Heatwave. That was one of the Flash’s supervillains, part of that gang, whatever they’re called. Heat-themed guy, cold-themed guy, weather-themed guy…the Rogues or something like that. Frank’d heard decent things about them – rules about no killing women or kids or capes, no casualties at all when possible, focus on the money and even that aim at those that can afford to lose it – so he’d never really investigated.

He had heard that they were in semi-retirement or something, though; they only came out once or twice a year.

“Some Family offshoot got the big idea of getting kids to traffic for ‘em,” Mick tells the Flash, gesturing at the kids all huddled up by the wall.

The Flash looks stricken. “That’s awful,” he says, looking at them. “You guys okay?”

The kids nod. Their faces are all shining bright and cheerful now that a proper superhero’s here.

Typical.

“Any of you undocumented?” the Flash then asks, which Frank is about to take exception to, except the Flash continues, “If you are, or any of your families are, I’ll get the police to sign off on a U-visa for helping stop a crime; maybe get that rushed through for you, make sure you get safe. If you don’t want to come forward, that’s okay too.”

Okay, fine, maybe this superhero kid doesn’t seem so bad.

“I’ll get them home,” the Flash tells Rory, who nods, satisfied. “Was there anyone, uh, inside the warehouse?”

“Not anymore,” Frank says.

The Flash squints at him, then his eyes go down to the skull on his vest and his eyes go a little wide.

“I’m letting him crash at the farm,” Rory says before the kid can say anything.

The kid just sighs, all the steam let out of him. “Of course you are.”

“He’s got a dog.”

“Of course he does.”

With that, the kid rolls his eyes and zips back into lightning speed, taking the kids away one by one.

Rory catches Frank’s eye and jerks his head to the side. Frank follows him, feeling kinda out of his element on this one. He’s not really used to superheroes and villains hanging out all peaceful-like this way.

“We’re retired,” Rory says, seeing his expression. “Mostly only do jobs on birthdays and anniversaries. Rest of the time, we’ve got a deal going that we’ll only act when people are being really awful, like here, and the Flash’ll just handle mop up.”

“That’s an interesting approach.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Rory says, waving a hand. “Oh, hey, I’m gonna guess from your comments earlier about the trans kid that any of that stuff ain’t gonna be an issue?”

“Nope,” Frank says. “My, uh –” How does he even define Matt? His boyfriend? His superhero? His nemesis-with-benefits? His person-I’m-in-a-relationship-with-that-neither-of-us-are-characterizing-because-we-are-manly-men-incapable-of-properly-articulating-emotions? The last one’s probably the most accurate, let’s be real, but it’s a bit of a mouthful, and no one deserves to have a shit ton of Frank’s issues dumped on them at first meeting. “I’m seeing a trans guy,” he finally settles on, because, sure, he’s definitely seeing Matt. At least once a day, if he’s lucky. Of course, Matt isn’t ‘seeing’ him, if you want to get technical about it… “And I’m, uh. Nonbinary. Sometimes.”

“Fair,” Rory says, and Frank feels that moment of relief he always gets when he finds out he won’t have to shoot someone who helped him out for being a transphobic dickwad. “Same here, ‘cept my partner and I are married now. Do you mind being around kids? Living space-wise, not rescuing-wise.”

Frank gets that awful feeling in his gut that he gets every time he thinks about his own kids, his Lisa and his Frank Junior, and how they’re not here anymore, but he’s been trying to think of them as good things, trying to remember them as the bundles of light and joy that they were, as more than just the pile of blood and bone they ended up as, and even though that ain’t easy with the way his brain is wired now, he’s gotta try. So he says, “I like kids.”

“Good, ‘cause we’ve got a whole heap of ‘em,” Rory says. “Some of ‘em have moved out, and some of ‘em are shy as anything, so you’ll probably only see a few of ‘em, but, y’know, just fair warning.” He pauses, considering. “Also, my partner Len? He’s got the worst damn sense of humor you’ll ever meet. Want to warn you about that, too.”

“I can handle a sense of humor,” Frank says, and he goes on believing that right up until he follows Rory onto a nice little farm outside of Central and the guy standing in the kitchen – curvy guy, wearing a long-sleeved shirt, a skirt, skinny jeans and socks all together, despite the blisteringly hot weather – turns around and says, “I see you two have been having a bloody good time.”

“Len,” Rory says, sounding long-suffering.

“You know, when you said you were planning on painting the town red, I figured you meant metaphorically.”

“Len.”

“Though, given your company, I guess it’s no surprise you decided to put your clothing through some serious punishment.”

Frank just starts laughing, because that’s the first time he’s ever been compared to Tide With Bleach, and he thinks to himself that he’s going to like Central more than he thought he would.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

“I swear you’re gonna like ‘em,” Frank says encouragingly.

Matt just shoots him a seriously skeptical look, like he still thinks Frank is making the whole thing up. And, sure, Frank going on a job and ending up becoming besties with two retired supervillains who live on a farm with a bunch of animals and an even larger gaggle of kids, kids that Frank likes, yeah, Frank can see that being a bit hard to swallow.

But it’s true.

Len even used the words ‘besties’. He’d been dripping with sarcasm and doing air-quotes at the time, but Frank’d figured out pretty quick that the only way to put up with Len’s trolling was to go in with it, full-hog, and after one thing led to another, they were scheduled to have a frilly dolly tea party with Enku and Opan and baby Coral the afternoon after Frank arrives. Having met said kids, Frank figures there’s about a 90% chance of Enku getting bored and walking away after ten minutes (probably after having said something characteristically tactless to Matt; he’s already warned him), while little seven-year-old Opal and four-year-old Coral just watch in fascination as Frank and Len try to one-up each other in increasingly absurd levels of fake-niceness.

Frank’s been brushing up on his sign language just to make sure that Coral feels included in the battle royale. She might be little more than a toddler, but she is vicious, and Frank wants her on his side, hearing or no hearing.

He figures Matt will be too busy having fun with the older kids to mock him for going to a four-year-old for help. Between Basi’s tendency to start fights and Tahmid’s tendency to get into them, there is zero chance that Matt won’t find some way to sneak out to go a-vigilantism-ing with them.

Of course, Matt doesn’t actually have to sneak out – Len and Mick believe firmly in teaching their kids the meaning of the word ‘justice’ and the concept that when the law doesn’t do it, someone else has to make up the slack, but not too much because that'd interfere with the thieving they all like to do – but Matt will enjoy trying anyway. He won’t succeed. Nothing gets past the goats’ notice. Frank tried.

Matt, meanwhile, is looking ahead to where the farm has just barely come into view. “Do they have cows?” he says dubiously.

“And pigs,” Frank says. “And horses, goats, dogs, cats, rats, and chickens. Avoid the chickens.”

“…why?”

“Chickens are dinosaurs, Red,” Frank says solemnly. “Just smaller.”

Matt shoots him a Look.

“Relax, city boy,” Frank says, cracking a smile. “You’ve got superpowers. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“This isn’t making me more comfortable with this,” Matt says dryly. “Tell me again how we’re going to go visit criminals?”

“Retired supervillains.”

“Which you bonded with over rescuing kids from organized crime.”

“And then we went out and hunted down a dog-fighting ring,” Frank says. He’d been very satisfied with how that visit had turned out.

Matt is rolling his eyes. The glasses don’t hide it as well as he thinks they do.

“And the local superhero may or may not be swinging by,” he says.

“Running by,” Frank says. “I keep telling you, keep the swinging metaphors for the kid up in Queens.”

Frank likes the kid in Queens. He's an asshole. Sure, he agrees more with Matt than with Frank about how to deal with bad guys, but he’d made some snarky comments to Matt about the fatality rates of people with severe head trauma that endeared him to Frank forever. Matt's still sulking.

“Fine. The local superhero may be running by. And – not arresting anyone?”

“They’re very nice supervillains.”

“Why is the superhero running by again, then?”

“Because he’s worried we might start some shit,” Frank explains, very patiently. He’s said it before, but he gets how it could sound weird. “He wants to make sure we ain't messing with his precious supervillains, and it only takes the kid something like three minutes, tops, to run from the city to the farm, check up on us, and head back, and that’s when he’s going at a casual speed."

Matt frowns.

“Yeah, I know, it’s weird. Don’t over-think it.”

“It’s too late,” Matt says, frown deepening. “I’m over-thinking it. Just mechanically, how does that work? What does he wear?”

“Low friction spaceman suits.”

“But the effect of his feet on the streets…”

“Don’t think about it,” Frank advises again. “Just…don’t. It’s not worth it.”

“I’m a lawyer. Overthinking things is what I do…how do they even determine the mens rae/actus reus division for someone moving at that speed?”

“Red. Please.”

“But –“

“Hey, look at that!” Frank announces. “We’re here!”

He makes enough of a show of scrambling hastily out of the car that Matt’s laughing quietly to himself.

Lapis, one of the teens, is on the porch, reading something; she looks up with the resigned world-weariness of goths and teenagers, the pinnacle of which can really only be reached by teenagers who are goths (like Lapis).

"Nice to see you, ma'am," Frank says with his absolute best aw-shucks New York military kid attitude.

There's only the slightest flicker of amusement on her lips - like all teens, she enjoys getting 'ma'am'ed in a way that she really won't in about five years - but Frank's pretty sure he can wear her down to in actual smile. Maybe even a laugh; he's feeling ambitious.

Sure, she's probably too cool to go outside the monotone even when she laughs, but a man's gotta try.

"Where're your parents?"

There's a definitely flicker of amusement this time.

"Watering the backyard," she says. "Pleased to meet you," she adds to Matt, then back into her book she goes.

Matt arches his eyebrows a bit, but he takes Frank's arm and lets himself be led in the direction of the backyard. He doesn't need leading, and Frank's already explained that Mick's ridiculously on-point ability to read people will mean that Matt's secret is a sooner rather than later reveal, but Matt insisted.

Sometimes Frank thinks the whole blind lawyer disguise is like a security blanket for Matt. If only Matt would just admit that's the case, Frank would be a whole lot more understanding, but as it is, Matt likes to pretend he's doing it for increasingly dumb reasons that Frank can barely bring himself to pretend he believes and he already knows Matt knows he doesn't.

Eh, they'll get over it. They wouldn't be them if they weren't squabbling over something stupid.

In the backyard, Len and Mick are, in fact, watering the backyard.

"Frank," Matt says, very calmly. "Is it raining?"

"Just part of it. Over the yard," Frank says, watching - no small bit impressed - as some asshole waves his hands at the heat and cold guns Len and Mick are currently wielding and turns them somehow into rain.

"I need another cold front," the guy shouts. It's hard to hear over the miniature sized storm hovering over the lawn.

"I'll give you a goddamn cold front, Mardon," Len shouts back. "You want your torso or your legs to get it?"

"I'm doing you a goddamn favor, Snart!"

"And here I thought you were paying me back for all the times I broke you out of the Heights!"

"I think we've got enough water," Mick bellows from his side of the field.

"Thank God," the guy in the middle, Mardon, says, waving his hands again and making the whole cloud break into pieces until the sky above the fields is as bright and clear as the rest of it. "That’s it; I'm out."

And he goes.

"Come back next week, asshole!" Len shouts after him.

"Frank," Matt says, very quietly.

"Yeah, babe," Frank says, staring. "It’s not just you. He really did just up and fly away."

"...do they grow any form of hallucinogenic narcotics on this farm?" Matt asks suspiciously.

"Nah," Len says, holstering his gun. "Don't need the heat."

"Don't you dare start with those cold jokes again," Frank warns.

"So you're the guy who's been leaving those awful voicemails," Matt says, smiling suddenly. "You're my best friend's new favorite person, just so you know."

Len preens. "And you must be Murdock," Len says. "Frank says good things."

"Call me Matt, please."

"Leonard Snart, but you can call me Len," Len says agreeably. "Want to get the city kid guide to animals tour? Raised in the slums myself, so I know all the highlights."

"I'd be delighted," Matt - who as of literally five minutes and the whole last three weeks had been protesting how much he didn't care about farm animals - says with, as far as Frank can tell, all apparent sincerity.

Len proceeds to swan off, Matt in tow.

"What just happened?" Frank asks the air, absolutely bewildered. He'd kind of figured on Matt and Mick being the ones to get on, given how prickly both Matt and Len could be.

"That, my friend, was a prime example of two world class asshole trolls recognizing a kindred spirit," Mick says, coming up behind him. "Be afraid. Be very afraid."

Yeah, Frank reflects, that sounds about right.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time they go home, the Flash has an invite to the Defenders if he ever wants one, Frank and Mick went after another dog-fighting kennel, Frank and Matt are leaving with one more dog than they arrived with, Matt may or may not be helping one of the kids write their law school admissions essay, and they've already arranged for Len and Mick and some of the kids to come visit them in New York in a few months.

"I can't believe I made new friends," Matt says blankly. "Foggy and Claire are never going to believe me."

"I know, right?" Frank says.

[childoftimeandmagic]

Shanghaied to New Orleans

Not super late today, but still later than I thought I would get this uploaded. So here is my contribution for Klaroline AU Week, Day 6 Canon-ish AU. This is a post-canon reunion between our favorite Blonde vampire and a surly grumpy Hybrid. 

Running a school was work, Caroline was proud of her school and in the haven, she’d turned it into.  Running it for 400 years without the semblance of a vacation or taking a break though was starting to take its toll. Sighing she ran a hand through her hair and leaned back in her chaise. The school had been her shelter more than for her students. Lizzie had said that in their last face-time when she was surprised that her youngest was getting married to her girlfriend of 150 years.

It was too soon, Caroline groaned and rubbed a hand over her eyes before remembering she’d done her make up this morning. The day was going great she could tell. With Josie was off saving the world one problem at a time, and Hope had finally returned to her family after 198 years in hiding. The school was full of laughter and love, but it was becoming slightly claustrophobic. She groaned and threw her phone across the room onto her other couch wincing when it went through the couch.

               “Love, I’m home!” the familiar voice of Enzo slamming the door of her study brought her kind of out of her funk and she offered a slight smile.

               “Hey Enzo, how was Italy with your lovely new bride?” Enzo had just married Rebekah which still weirded Caroline out since she had never seen it coming, but oddly it worked out really well. Enzo took everything Rebekah threw at him in stride, and Caroline had a feeling that was her fault.

               “His lovely bride is still here, and she brought you back some wine,” Rebekah said coming in behind Enzo two bottles of wine in her hands, each one of Caroline’s favorite vintages. Caroline stood up and laughed walking over to hug her favorite Mikaelson.

               “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get out to the wedding, but there was so much here that I had to take care of and I just couldn’t-” Rebekah held up her hand shaking her head.

               “You’re a coward and homebody. You didn’t leave the school for my wedding making me ask that tramp Hailey to be my maid of honor which forced me to change my color scheme. All because you couldn’t fucking, handle dealing with my brother for three fucking days,” Rebekah said her eyes darkening before she shook her head.

               “I’m so sorry Bekah, if I had known that it was such a hassle I-” Caroline shook her head and groaned. “God, you are so right. How did badass Caroline Forbes become such a fucking coward?”

               Caroline dropped onto her chaise and groaned again. Looking at Rebekah who was currently uncorking a bottle of wine, while Enzo grabbed three glasses from the other room. Rebekah had gone through a similar phase back in the early 2000s, but it had quickly gotten much better.

               “Not enough good hard sex?” Enzo chirped as he ducked from his wife’s aim with the cork.

               “While tactless my husband and your best friend has a point. You can’t face with what happened when you ran into him at Hopes graduation,” Rebekah said shrugging as she handed Caroline a glass of wine.

               “Well yea, I tried to congratulate him on Hopes accomplishments, and he offered me a ticket for Paris,” Caroline huffed thinking of that moment her eyes glazing slightly. Rebekah laughed at her and Enzo just shook his head.

               “I mean if that doesn’t say you’re still on my to do list, I’m not sure what will,” Rebekah said laughing as she took another sip of her wine.

               “Rebekah!” Caroline’s face started to flush her eyes wide as she broke into giggles of her own before drinking some of her wine.

               “So, what is my punishment for not coming to the wedding? Come on out with it, I know you Mr and Mrs. Mikaelson, spill the beans,” Caroline said her eyes narrowing on her two best friends. They’d never been able to help themselves when one of the three of them pissed the others off.  Enzo looked uncomfortable, while the love of his life just looked absolutely pleased with herself.

               “You are going to New Orleans tomorrow and you’re not coming back till you and my dolt of a brother have had- To quote you “hot hybrid sex” enough that the awkwardness is gone.” Rebekah said her smile making her look very much like the ‘cat that got the canary’. Caroline felt her face grow cold and she stared openmouthed at her two best friends.

               “Does he know I’m coming? Do I at least get to pick out my itinerary and when I see him?” she asked slowly trying to figure out what this actually was going to entail.

               “I mean you’re leaving tomorrow if I have to break your neck to get you there, from there what you do is up to you. Except you do have to see him,” Rebekah amended blowing Caroline a kiss after Caroline checked her watch before swearing. “Bekah! How in hell am I supposed to get ready for a vacation tomorrow when I don’t know about it before hand.” She glared at her best friend anger mounting, it was just the fact that Rebekah could kill her without breaking a nail before Caroline tried to do anything even at 480 years-old.

               “Because, I already packed for you. Before you panic about the school Enzo and I have that covered, Freya is going to handle the courses with me and Enzo as headmaster and dean of students,” she said looking kind of smug especially with the way that Caroline seemed to be caving in on herself.

               “Bekah I swear to all that you hold dear but most importantly your husband, I will destroy every last designer pump if Klaus doesn’t immediately ask me to dance,” she said after a few deep breaths and resigning herself to the cruel position of her life at the moment. “Josie, Lizzie and Hope all helped you plan this didn’t they?” She asked suddenly the conversation she’d had with Lizzie the night before coming back in waves.

               Enzo just grinned and waved his hand in a shooing motion as though her presence was bothering him. Caroline narrowed her eyes as an earlier comment from about two hundred years came back to haunt her. “Enzo if you so much as make out on that couch, I will bind you to a rock like Prometheus curse and all.”

               With that last comment hanging in the air Caroline stood and taking the two bottles of wine with her she left for her bedroom in the dormitory part of campus. She had to at least add somethings that were purely fun into her suitcase which was sitting right by the door just like Rebekah had promised, the fucker.

               Caroline hated flying and she hated that she couldn’t drive to New Orleans though she didn’t blame Rebekah not trusting her to get there if she’d actually driven. As she stared out the window of the plane as it touched down at the New Orleans private air field. When she stepped from the plane feeling slightly more in control once her feet were on the Earth she grinned as Freya walked toward her.

               “Hello Freya, have fun teaching the students this week, I appreciate it,” she said hugging her friend who had grown on her just as quickly as Rebekah had.

               “Thanks Caroline I can’t thank you enough for the break from New Orleans, there’s a new baddy in town and Klaus is going crazy,” she said her eyes rolling as she returned Caroline’s hug.

               “Seriously I’m gonna kick his ass,” Care said pulling away and grinning when Freya laughed at her comment.

               “The baddy or Nik?” Freya fired back and Caroline raised her eyebrow.

               “I fail to see why I can’t do both,” Caroline said shrugging as she handed her luggage to the hybrid waiting by the SUV that Freya had just exited.

               “I wish I could stick around to see it,” Freya said as she moved away towards the plane.

               Caroline shook her head as Freya and she went their separate ways, she had to admit that the Mikaelson sisters were a fucking riot and not women to cross or underestimate. The ride to downtown New Orleans was pleasant and as the sun started to set on the French Quarter the hybrid slowed for the crowds.

               “Miss, Mr. Mikaelson won’t be home so I can drop you off here if you’d like. Mr. Mikaelson should be in the Gypsum pub three blocks down,” he said looking at little apologetic about the change in plans.

               “That sounds fine, and please call me Caroline. It’s lovely to meet you,” she said smiling at the driver as she pulled her purse over her shoulder. “Could you just put that suitcase in his room? I think that would be the best bet.”

               “Um his room?” he said looking rather nervous at the thought of entering Klaus’ personal space.

               “I promise that if I’ve overstepped I’ll blame Freya,” she winked, and the young hybrid started to relax.

               Caroline bid him farewell and slipped from the parked SUV and into the crowds of tourists and supernatural inhabitants of the Quarter. Some witches glared and crossed the street. Caroline took a deep breath and felt the thrum and hub of the crowd flood over her. She shifted her face up towards the sky as a cloud above broke and the storm she’d seen on the weather app finally hit.

               Feeling the rain soak her light shirt and her skirt she didn’t pause in her slow saunter through the community. When the world passed around her she focused her ears on the far-off sounds of fighting coming from the direction the hybrid had pointed her in.

Flashing forwards, she paused at the opening of the Gypsum and as she peaked through a broken window she ducked when a head came flying over her head. As she rose she saw that a group had surrounded a single man in the middle. Klaus. Without thought or practical examination, she flashed around the circle pulling hearts, not staying still long enough for them to focus on who she was. This was a move she had gotten a lot of use out of when factions over the last four centuries had decided they would benefit by attacking the Salvatore Boarding School.

She came to the last assailant, but before she ripped the werewolf’s heart out, she realized Klaus would want information and switched to the neck. In a quick snap the body fell to the floor, neck broken. She was covered in blood; her pleasant and bright floral skirt and her blue shirt was covered in it. The veins were crawling up towards her eyes in a dangerous but beautiful image.

Klaus for his credit had relaxed though aware enough that he could step in if the need arose. Caroline. She was here, standing bloody and predatorily glaring at him as though this was the biggest inconvenience of her life. Licking some blood off her wrist she glanced at him and raised an eyebrow.

“You going to ask me to dance?” she asked flipping her hair over her shoulder and placing her hands on her hips.

Klaus for his credit jumped into action pulling her into his arms and spinning them in long slow circles around the room. Looking down at the blonde wraith in his arms, beautiful until angered. “If you want me to love, I’ll always take you to dance.”

“Still with the fancy lines Mikaelson, all I need is you. No pomp, no circumstance,” she commented looking at him happily her eyes brightening as they danced around the pub which was littered with dead bodies and stained with blood. She started laughing as she looked at him. She may be dripping with blood, but he was caked in it. Pulling away she stepped over a leg and smiled. “This wasn’t how I thought we’d reunite,” she said giggling as she pushed a bloodied lock of hair away from her cheek.

               “Really? I always thought we’d meet with bloodshed and rage, though I don’t think it was ever you saving me,” Klaus chuckled wiping a smear of blood from her cheek and then sucking the blood from his finger. Caroling blushed and moved in closer to hide against his chest.

               “Klaus, will you take me home please?” she looked up into his eyes. She was tired, but content to stay right here if he wanted to, but her body was tired. Not to mention in all 438 years she’d never gained a voyeurism kink.

               “For you anything?” he said pulling her tight to his chest and flashing as fast as his 1400-year-old powers would propel him towards the house. Once inside his room, he pushed her towards the ensuite shower, though not before kissing her gently on the lips. “I’ll be along shortly I just have to do one thing first.”

               Caroline nodded the smile still on her lips as she walked slowly into the bathroom her hips swaying in such a way that made Klaus smirk. She was everything she wanted and more, now they finally had each other. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he shot a quick text out.

 {Klaus to Rebekah} Thank you. The villa in Cyprus and Switzerland are yours. Congratulations on your nuptials.

{Rebekah to Klaus} No problem, she was ready to go anyway. Be yourself brother, she’s loved you for 400 years, she’ll love you 400 more.

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #12: Wonder Girl

All Donna has to do is pretend that her grip slip and she's done with this jerk!

Like I'm going to believe Terry Long has any friends!

Look how excited Terry is to show Donna proof that he has a friend! What a sad sack of potatoes! He's worse than Ross from Friends! Donna reads the letter and is all, "This sure looks like your handwriting, Terry." And Terry is all, "As Icki Mudd, I had to learn to write like Captain Midnight! For secret missions!" Donna fingers her lasso of truth while I get distracted from writing this dialogue because I used the verb fingered so here's there actual conversation which is practically the one I was going to write anyway.

Shit is going down!

This is really good Terry Long fan-fiction. Everybody reading comic books forever has always known that Terry Long is a piece of shit. But he's almost constantly written by Marv Wolfman, the one guy who thinks Terry Long is a fucking catch (if I don't say this in a parenthetical reference, somebody else will say it in the comments so "because Terry Long is totally Marv Wolfman"). Moench even makes a point of having Terry Long mention the book he's never going to finish because he keeps expecting Donna to help him with her knowledge of the ancient characters gained through personal relationships. I believe he even loses his professorship due to never finishing the book. And this is why! Because he was just using the idea of it as an excuse to go get drunk with an old friend and maybe jerk each other off like old times.

Arguments Over Breakfast Starring Donna and Terry. I could read an entire series of just this. It's delicious.

Donna walks over to Titans Tower to smash things in the Smash Things Simulator while thinking, "If this man I thought was a sensitive feminist is actually a fucking loser boy in a squishy man's body, what if all men are just as terrible?!" If Donna were a video game character, she would level up five times from this realization. Everybody is selfish but somehow men manage to be even more selfish than women. It's a pretty good feat and I don't know how they accomplish it. Being raised under the Patriarchy, I guess? "But not all men," think the men who are only thinking about themselves and how not selfish they are. The problem is that Terry and Donna can spend a week fucking any time! But when is Terry going to get to fuck his old friend from childhood?! Practically never, that's when! How can Donna blame him for not wanting to miss this opportunity? Would she expect Terry to understand if she had to interrupt a blow job to go save the multiverse?! I don't know if the comparisons track logically but I don't have time to consider my words. Let's move on! While Donna is away, Terry rushes off to El Salvador. I don't know how long Donna is working out her frustrations before she gets back home but it seems to already be too late. Somehow in that time, he's phoned a travel agent, purchased tickets, hailed a cab, got to the airport, waltzed through 1987 security, waited for the flight, boarded, waited on the tarmac due to engine trouble, had to deplane, boarded a new plane, and took off to El Salvador! Donna did have to spend a little time realizing there was a secret Captain Midnight message encoded in the letter that said, "Hey! Fuck up! Stop thinking about jerking me off, you gay! I've been kidnapped by drug lords! Send the Justice League!" but since she thinks, "Bingo! On the first try," after decoding it, I think she could have caught up with Terry at the airport. Don't cancel me over the "you gay" bit in the message from Terry's friend. Remember that they were best friends and this is 1987. We're lucky the entire letter wasn't homosexual references! Once Terry gets to El Salvador, he finds out that his friend, Dennis Heiman, hasn't been in his hotel for a week. So being the great explorer he totally knows he is, Terry marches off into the jungle to find his friend.

"Sure, it's almost certainly a path created by a dangerous creature or armed drug lords but on the super off-chance it is Denny's path, won't he be fucking surprised!"

Terry Long gets caught by some drug lords and now Donna has to save him. Oh man is she going to have some great ammunition for their next fight over breakfast!

Wait. Do they have a running argument about which one of them is most like Tarzan? I just learned more than I wanted about their sex life.

Terry runs for his life while Donna deflects bullets. She doesn't strategically let one that will hit him in the ass get by because she's a better spouse than I would be. But Terry still pays for his matrimonial crimes when he falls in a pit. The good guys with guns who are only running drugs and making their community a dangerous hellhole because they live in poverty run away when they realize that their guns aren't killing Wonder Girl like they're supposed to. What good is a gun if it can't kill the person who should keep minding their own business instead of ruining your livelihood?! Stupid assault rifles! Now that all the people who love guns more than anything aren't reading this because I used the term "assault rifle," it's time for cupcakes! I wish I could pass out cupcakes online. Nothing would bring me more joy than denying people I don't agree with cupcakes. Oh, except maybe the cupcake! Donna follows Terry down the hole and thinks, "Why is this pit here? Oh, I bet it was a secret passageway Mayan priests used to reach the temples and make their 'magical' appearances." So she already knows more about Mayans than Terry does. She realized Terry isn't going to be able to finish the book no matter what the subject is so she's already begun research on the new project he just proposed over that morning's breakfast. But what she finds at the other end of the tunnel is disturbing (but for Marv Wolfman only).

Is this what people online call "fan service"?

I just tore out the last eight pages of the comic book. Does that make the death of Terry Long canon? Teen Titans Spotlight #12: Wonder Girl: A+! I can't believe it! The death of Terry Long! What a bold move to place in an ancillary Teen Titans series! This issue must be worth five figures! Mostly because I have the only copy. It really does read better if you stop at page fourteen. Because who wants to read page fifteen where Terry has to explain to Donna why he hid in the Mayan Beheaded Magic Trick Box? I mean Illusion Box. I bet he was thinking, "Just wait until Donna sees me dead! Then she'll be sorry for getting upset with my misogyny over breakfast! That'll show her! Man, I'm really hard right now!"

Notice how Donna destroys the guns after saying, "Murderers." Checkmate people who say guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Donna might also have killed the guys holding the guns. It's hard to tell because the coloring of the dimly lit cave might just be obscuring the blood and brains that are almost certainly leaking from their bodies. Maybe Batman couldn't kill Joker even after Joker killed Robin but Donna's no Batman. Of course, Terry Long is no Robin (even a Jason Todd Robin). So is he worth Donna killing for? It's a philosophical conundrum that most people will conclude "no" is the proper answer almost immediately. So I might have used the word "conundrum" too rashly. Terry accidentally became trapped in the Mayan Illusion so I guess Donna can't be too angry at him.

Okay, now she can be mad at him.

It looks like Donna's flashing Terry in the above image and he totally frightened by what he's seeing. It is now canon that Wonder Girl's lady parts have blistered tentacles and maybe a small beak. I don't understand Terry's line about girls wearing girdles. Is it a feminist saying? Maybe he just made it up in his terror at seeing her squawking nether regions? The drama isn't finished even though I finished my review a few paragraphs ago. When it becomes so intense that Terry and Donna believe their lives might actually be in danger, the story gets really fucking disgusting.

Oh god. I did not need the image of Terry's boner rubbing against Donna's thighs as he smears his filthy facial hair all over her iron face.

I was being less disgusting than the actual panel by suggesting he was just rubbing his cock against her through their clothing. Upon rereading those narration boxes, I think they actually just fucked. "No time for tenderness" has to be code for a quickie, right? I think the next page is proof of that theory:

Terry puts his dick away as Donna thanks him for the "we almost died" sex. Of special note: Terry thinks you can start a campfire with a condom.

Donna kills a bunch of drug lords in a fiery explosion but she says "They probably all got knocked out by the shockwave!" to assuage her guilty conscience. She's definitely read Batman's best selling book, One Thousand Ways to Convince Yourself and Others That You've Never Killed Anybody. While a lot of the reasons are "If doctors didn't stop the internal bleeding in time, maybe the violent thug should have purchased better insurance that allowed for a better hospital with a more competent staff" and "Dying of complications from losing a spleen to a batarang are completely the fault of the person who didn't take the proper care for a person who is living without a spleen," quite a few of the reasons boil down to "Did you see anybody dead that couldn't have more probably been unconscious when you left the scene? Because I sure didn't and I have bat eyes!" Batman then had to release a follow-up novel due to the reaction of his book on Twitter. He called it, Contrary to Popular and Stupid Opinions, Bats Actually Have Great Eyesight. Anyway, they save Terry's best friend who isn't imaginary at all.

While hanging out with Terry, Donna often entertains herself by thinking stupid jokes.

Teen Titans Spotlight #12: Wonder Girl Rating: F! Terry didn't die after all! Poop!

[mintedwitcher]

92 Things

Got this idea from @racheloddment since they tagged anyone who read their full post. So buckle up fuckers, here we go. (I’m putting most of this under a cut because it’s long as fuck)

Rules: Answer these 92 questions and tag 20 people 

(Since I’m too lazy to tag 20, I’m just gonna tag @screwthissite and anyone else who wants to torture themselves can go for it) 

THE LAST:  1. Drink: coffee  2. Phone call: my mum two days ago trying to find out where the hell my sisters were  3. Text message: my Nan  4. Song you listened to: Thunder by Imagine Dragons (also the entire Evolve album cus its a jam)  5. Time you cried: uhhhhhhh few days ago, last time I had a panic attack lmao 

HAVE YOU:  6. Dated someone twice? Yep  7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Yep  8. Been cheated on? Yep  9. Lost someone special? Yep  10. Been depressed? Lmao yep  11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? Yeah but never thrown up. I don’t get sick or hungover when I drink, no matter how much I drink. 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:  12-14: Red, pink, blue 

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:  15. Made new friends? Yes!!  16. Fallen out of love? Eh not yet  17. Laughed until you cried? Last night; my sisters and I get kinda ridiculous together lmao  18. Found out someone was talking about you? Uhhhh...... do we mean like... casual mentions or talking shit because tbh I have no idea either way  19. Met someone who changed you? Idk if I would say ‘changed’... 20. Found out who your friends are? Yeah, the ones who don’t call me a two faced whore on Facebook for having social anxiety and not being able to socialise :) fuck you, btw. 

GENERAL:  (21 seems to have vanished) 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl? Almost all of them tbh I don’t have many Facebook friends anyway, most of them are family.  23. Do you have any pets? Yeah, three dogs (Ben, Jasper, and Dusty) and one cat (Callie)  24. Do you want to change your name? Yes!  25. What did you do for your last birthday? Spent it at home, writing, and had cake at some point. Idk I don’t really remember?  26. What time did you wake up? About 10-ish?  27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping for a change  28. Something you can’t wait for? Getting my septum piercing for my birthday this year 29. When was the last time you saw your mum? Yesterday  30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life? I’d change my financial situation first (31 has disappeared too)  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yeah he used to be my best friend  33. Something that is getting on your nerves? My dog wandering in and out of every room in the house 34. Most visited website? This hellscape  35. Moles? I have a few on my arms  36. Marks? Lots of scars, a birthmark, and some freckles  37. Childhood dream? Superstar! Or a show horse rider (thanks, Saddle Club)  38. Hair colour? Right now its dark brown - I miss my red hair though... might dye it again soon...  39. Long or short hair? As in... preference, or current situation... cus like... it’s short now but god I miss my long hair  40. Do you have a crush on someone? yep  41. What do you like about yourself? I’m creative  42. Piercings? None yet (aside from my earlobes but they healed over)  43. Blood type? Haha I actually don’t know  44. Nickname? Bob, Bubbles, Freak, Alpha  45. Relationship status: TBD  46. Zodiac? Sagittarius  47. Pronouns: she/her/they/them (very rarely he/him)  48. Favourite TV show? NINE NINE! (Seriously, Brooklyn Nine Nine is a gift to the universe). Friends will always have a special place in my heart. HIMYM is a guilty pleasure. Buffy. Avatar: The Last Airbender is a classic.  49. Tattoos? None yet :(  50. Right or left handed? Right  51. Surgery? I had my tonsils removed when I was seven but that’s it  52. Hair dyed a different colour? I’ve gone red, black, blue, and purple. I miss the red most.  53. Sport? Martial arts  (54 has disappeared too)  55. Vacation? Tasmania when I was eight; England when I was two. Haven’t left my town for a vacation since, aside from the Adelaide trip in 2015, but that wasn’t a vacation since I was working.  56. Pair of trainers: (AKA, sneakers or tennis shoes, even though they’re all v different things wtf) I have a pair of custom trainers fitted to my feet, because I have an uneven gait and my hips and knees are all kinds of fucked up from it. 

MORE GENERAL:  57. Eating? Nothing now, but just finished some leftover soup from last night  58. Drinking? Coffee 59. I’m about to: grab a couple biscuits because I’m also writing and I need snacks (I also really need a chewy stim toy at some point because I kinda destroyed my favourite pen by chewing it while I work)  (60 & 61 have disappeared)  62. Want: my sister to leave me alone for ten minutes so I can actually get some work done 63. Get married? Maybe someday, but it’s not a priority  64. Career: Writer, please, damn. But barring that, maybe a teacher 

WHICH IS BETTER:  65. Hugs or kisses? Both  66. Lips or eyes? Eyes  67. Shorter or taller? Taller, but if they make short jokes, I’ll cut their legs in half and walk away.  68. Older or younger? I try to stick to my own age thanks  (69 has disappeared)  70. Nice arms or a nice stomach? Nice arms fuck me right up  71. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive  72. Hook up or relationship? Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant? Troublemakers are fun 

HAVE YOU EVER:  74. Kissed a stranger? Once or twice  75. Drank hard liquor? Yeah  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses? Nope, I don’t need them  77. Turned someone down? Yeah a few times  78. Sex on the first date? That would require actually being taken on a successful date (I’ve only been on one and it was a disaster)  79. Broken someone’s heart? Yeah  80. Had your heart broken? More times than I care to admit  81. Been arrested? Nope  82. Cried when someone died? Yeah  83. Fallen for a friend? So many times 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:  84. Yourself? No  85. Miracles? No  86. Love at first sight? Eh... undecided  87. Santa Claus? Not since I was seven  88. Kiss on the first date? Again, it requires being taken on a date 

OTHER:  90. Current best friend name: Jack and Amer  91. Eye colour: Blue/grey (depends on lighting idk)  92. Favourite movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. 

[esmeraldasdream]

TAZ SPOILERS (and live reaction)

thank you @vassilian​ for introducing me to the adventure zone <3

My reaction to the episode is under the read more to avoid spoiling the finale for anyone 

oh god,oh godohgodohgod

fuuucccckkkk, what are you waiting for??? NOT YET???

Dance for me, that’s nice

fuuck this is nerve-racking

oh god, he’s fucking laughing

TIDLE WAVE????

they’re trough???

fucking vibrate??

JOHN oh god what’s happening???? it’s not him???

ready to fight???

“JUST ONE GUY??"FUUUCKKK

i stole your cousins shoes??? wait when was this??? wait why’s is magnus wearing stolen shoes??

shit!! arm blades???

“been there done that” DON’T MAKE IT 69 TIMES YOU FUCKER

fuck that’s great music

what is this pause??

THREE???!!!

thank god for merle, oh god why is this so hard

aaaw, mathias

i love that sword 

omg the attack power is fucking huge

swipes his normal arm??

three???!! fuck c’mon

nooo, 27 points of damage????

“good to be appreciated” :’D

fuck it’s chasing them

these fucking attack points

“i’m not a magic flying fighter” :’D “well you have the shoes!” xD

i need more nat20′s

EXPLODES OUTWARDS?? FUCK

what’s happening?? what

“he stagers only for him to stand up and smiles”????

fuck this  music is great and horrible

‘looming over you’???!! FUCK

SHIT THIS IS A GREAT DESCRIPTION GRIFFIN BUT PLEASE STOP

FUCK

WHY IS HE SCREAMING AT THEM

WHAT’S HAPPENING

FUCK

“well shit” yeah my thoughts exactly

33 POINTS OF DAMAGE????

FUCK HE’S DEAD??? OK, unconscious but still!!!

STOP SCREAMING AT THEM

WHAT ARE THESE ORBS????

I’M SCREAMING

“i’m Taako, from tv”

DON’T FUCKING SAY THAT

“abracka fuck you” :’D

no one’s dead yet, though mangus??merle?? is unconscious 

“that one misses, weird” “yeah.. weird”

one orb down, but what does it mean???

well at least he’s still blinded

thank god for small mercies

a third time??? nooo

is it really only taako left??? FUCK

lucreita, “snaake!” :’D

she just screams, oh god

fuck you john

wait when did taako ‘die’

wait whats happening

PAN

“come do some holy shit” :’D

love the music

aaawww, pan

I’M CRYING

THE ROYAL BEAR ;___; (RIGHT?)

TROF!! (TROPH??)

JOAQUIN!!! FUCK YES

AAAAW Joaquin is a sweetheart

what was that question???

GARFIELD????!

i love clint

FUCKING GRENADES?! 

“free samples” :’D

they turn grey??? GO GARFIELD

“i’ll put it on you taaaaab!” :’D

Rosswell!!!!

JOHN’S AFRAID?? HELL YEH

FUUCK

who’s taako calling

OH HE FUCKING CALLS HIMSELF TO HELP THEM!! 

37 POINTS OF DAMAGE?! HELL YEAH

“you’re now double Blind” xD

what’s happening??

griffin sounds so done with everything :’D

VOIDFISH!!!!

FISHER!!! JR!!!!!

I’M FUCKING CRYING

FISHER AND MAGNUS!!!!

death metal :’D

THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME

POWERBEAR!!! FUCK YES

FUUCK I’M CRYING AGAIN

FUCK Magnus is fucking cute

nooo

NOoO

DON’T FUCKING HURT DAVENPAORT AND LUCREITA!!!

DON’T DESTROY THE SHIP!!!

FUCK YOU JOHN!!

Noooo

what was that laugh

“well, bye” :’D i fucking love Taako

‘peeled put of the portal’??

DON’T FUCKING HURT TAAKO

i love the tres horny boys so fucking much

oooh, cool music

they’re holding down eachother

THEY’RE CREATING NEW BONDS

FUUUUCCCK I’M BAWLING

“flashes of the past” FUCK

is it really the end of john??

standing on a beach??? what’s happening???

JOHN!!

“he’s human again” !!!!

“you got it buddy” FUCK

“last sliver of sunlight is gone, and so is john” NO

oh god

oooh god

GO LUCREITA, I BELIVE IN YOU

oh no, oooohhhh nooooo

I LOVE YOU LUCREITA PLEASE DON’T STOP

wait waht’s happening

WHAT HAPPENING TO DAVENPORT????

A PORTAL HOME

but what about everyone else???

“a crash”???? what?????

nooo

istus!!!!

I FUCKING LOVE THE TRES HORNY BOYS

TAAKO I FUCKING LOVE YOU, he loves his sister so fucking much

GO LUP!!!  and barry of course

ANGUS!!!

omg the battle wagon!!

KLARG!!!!!

“they seem to have got it” he fucking jumps back trough the portal

the music’s cool

“you’re going to be amazing” ;__;

HELL YEAH

GARYLD!!! THE BICORN!!!

FUCK YEAH

I FUCKING LOVE THE TRES HORNY BOYS

TRANSFORMS????

WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENING???

FUCK YOU GRIFFIN AND YOUR FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS

crawling on his back?? 

first to wake up??

soft red carpet??

SCUTTLE BUDDY!!! IT FUCKING MISSED YOU ;--;

why are they at the rockport limited????

oh lucreita there’s with them!!

white?? what’s going on?? circles??

planes of existents???

what’s happening??

why doesn’t griffin make a character voice?? what’s happening

omg merle :’D

‘jeffandrew’ xD

“hi, i’m Taako from tv” :’D I FUCKING love taako

the light of creation isn’t supposed to be there??

wait whats jafasta???

they won?!

what’s happening???

about halfway trough, fuck

this is such awesome world building

THEY RETURNED!!!

LUP AND BARRY!!

LUCREITA!! SHE’S A SWEETHEART!

BARRY AND LUP !!!

OMFG I LOVE LUP SO MUCH

ANGUS!!!!

“is it over, sirs?” fuuuuckkkk

FUCK I LOVE ANGUS SO FUCKING MUCH!! 

go lucas!

ANGUS!! fuck i love everyone so much

“he makes so many friends” ;--;

“a gift of a normal life” fuuck, why are you killing me griffin???

“joyfully yrs. Davenport” ;--;

KRAVITZ!!!

LUP AND BARRY 

“back soon” ;--;

FUCK BARRY GOT LUP HER BODY!!!!

FUCK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!

“i’m about to smooch your fucking brains out” fuuuucccckkkk

PRINGLES!!

bureau of benevolence 

“true legacy of the day of story and song” ;--;

thisis an beautiful picture

LUP!! AND TAAKO!!! IN THE KITCHEN TOGHETER !!! TAAKO’S COOKING!!

“no, fuck your offer” i love griffin!

he’s teaching at the shcool??? 

oh joaqin didn’t get to keep his powers??

glamour springs?? FUCK

FULL PARDON!!! FUCK YES!!

REN!!! HELL YEAH

JOB APPLICATION!!!! I LOVE EVERYONE SO FUCKING MUCH!!

REN FUCKING DESIGNED A FUCKING SCHOOL???

yeah, just pull out a diamond from your bag, no big deal

“i should mention my boyfriend is death, and he stays over from time to time” THEYRE STILL TOGETHER

HE PROMISED KRAVITZ TO GO ON A VACATION!!!! FUCK YES

I FUCKING LOVE LUP

KRAVITZ!!

ANGUS!! he’s taller!!!

HE FUCKING BEAMS AT TAAKO!!!!

HE’S BEEN SENDING LETTERS TO TAAKO!!!!

omg angus still a lil sassy boy

“my thanks haven’t been enough”?!?!

THEY HUG

HE KNOWS ABOUT THE SILVERWARE

“STILL WORLDS GREATEST DETECTIVE”!!!!!

wait what’s happening?? why is it a big day??

mavis and mookie!!!!

“i cast zo-nah” omfg :’D

he started a comapny???

TRAVELLING WITH MAVIS???!!!! ;--; (and mookie)

lord artemis sterling?? what does he want??

“govenor merle highchurch”???!!!!!

“i don’t wanna be govenor, i wanna have the title of earl”  “you wanna be ‘earl merle’?” “yes, earl merle highchurch” :’D

“i’ll build you a bar” :’D

i love mookie xD griffin does so many great voices

“you’re his hero, you know”

uncle-mangus and uncle-taako ;---;

because i know how hard you try ;--;

A WEDDING????

WHO’S WEDDING???

about us???

WHOMS WEDDING???

KILLIAN!!!!

THE ROSEWOOD RING!!!

“puts down a large book” fuck i love angus

WHO’S WEDDING IS THIS???

LUP AND BARRY!!!

TAAKO AND KRAVITZ! they hold hands!!!! FUCK I’M SCREAMING!!

is it Careys and killians wedding??

HE TRAINS SERVICE DOGS??!!!

JOHAN THE DOG!! FUCK I LOVE MANGUS

“hammer and tails, a dog’s school” aaawww

HOW DOES MANGUS DIE????

FUCK YOU GRIFFIN!!!!!

he dies peacefully of old age, you can’t fucking do this griffin!!!

noooo, poor merle and taako

FUCK

AND ANGUS, FUCK I’M BAWLING

“they’re all ready to say goodbye” NO

Kravitz, not in his reaper form

he helps mangus!!!!

“i think this one takes” “let’s hope so, don’t want to be more trouble for you”

wooden cottage??? is that what i think it is???

“as much time as you need”

two dogs! aw

JULIA!!!! 

“i- i just stare at her” “i can’t not look at her”

“you lived so much longer than i thought”

THEY’RE RUNNING TOWARDS EACHOTHER!!!

“i tried to make you proud” nooo, don’t do this to me

“the beautiful elf” aww

“when magnus rushes in” FUCK YOU GRIFFIN

“lizard girl”

Carey and killian step out

they ran towards each other ;---;

happiest day of your live, and happier days were to come ;--;

that was the ending you earned, fuuck

FISHER!!!

JR AND FISHER!!!

they start drifting further away together

looking for new stories to tell

fuck this music is beautiful

“can we play again? can we play again? can we play again?” YES

“travis go to the emergency room right now” fuck i love them so much

fuck

[bravoindigodelta-blog]

12/14/18

What a fucking mess I’ve made. such an idiot.

enough. enough of that

I need to give my notice, the more time goes by the worse it gets. i feel so guilty, but I can’t do it. Its just not for me. I’m not sure if I need sleep or food or both. I need to not be a fucking monster and destroy my body. Surprised I’m still ok, like all the shit I’ve done. Gotta be ending soon.

I have to put an end to it. Stop being so reckless with your shit. You look like hell. WTF like I don’t feel well. I can’t continue doing this. My week, my hours of sleep are all messed up. I want to cook but I’m too lazy. My eye is starting to twitch and I’m shaking more and more. I need a massage like nobodies business. do i get another coffee? no, no

A nantucket summer is like a dream. It happens so fast you hardly believe you went through it. Like all the stuff I’ve done. So much to account for. Should I have done it differently? Funny how things changed so quickly with David. Flipped it all in an instant. I should leave here. Now I’m lingering.

Relationship advice with me- don’t

I have too much I need to fix, with myself. I need to be less paranoid- but to counter that Ive always been fucked over. Can no one these days be faithful? All you have to do is not fuck someone else. Apparently that’s too fucking hard. Shame really.

i think I like these glasses. Thats what I need to do. Im kind of tired but I don’t want to just sit in my room. Too much time on my hands. How long do I stay in nh. What’s keeping me here, is it just because I’m trying to be resilient. To say I did it. Shit, I don’t know anymore.

The bathrooms here are popular

I mean for the time I’ve been here there’s been at least two random people that have come in to use it. And he doesn’t use the hand blower. Interesting. Maybe thats what I should write about. blog? would anyone read it? id look like i was doing something important, but really doing nothing at all. funny. you see the people on computers and wonder are they actually doing real work? And thats me right now. Being in a public place being anti social. weird thought. And another person comes in and doesn’t order anything. looks at the food, then the bulletin board, then leaves. curious.

I wonder if or where that movie is or what it was called, such an old movie. and if I find it would i want to watch it?

Do I want to ask? weird random ass text, there’s always just don’t answer. Thats a pretty good answer.

I’m excited to go home though. I just nervous I’ll be bored soon. I have nothing to do.

I’m shaking like a mother fucker right now. is this the feeling before you pass out. is this the feeling that will make me change what the fuck im doing? no. never is.

likeliest night. tried to be emotional and couldn’t. I could not cry. I wanted to, I was upset. you cry when your upset, right? is there something wrong with me? - yes that answer is yes. of course there is.

this song is hilarious, remember to listen to this later- lil dicky- lemme freak haha

what the hell

how is this a song. a lot of story. how do you remember all the story. guess you just keep saying it a lot. hilarious

also hobo johnson is great. is this background music supposed to be there? wasn’t before or did i just not notice. I like to think I’m pretty perceptive. Maybe not though

am I an asshole? do I not smile enough, not acknowledging people around me. I want to burst into tears, will someone, a stranger come to console or just watch and wonder. Look the other way and pretend it’s not happening because they don’t want to deal with it.

hes cute. they’re all taken here. shit

I need to think of something awesome to do

vacations probably, or learn to knit or some shit

take a second look and walk away

these two over here. two ladies, on swayed coming in. that caught my eye. looking longer than just seeing who’s coming in

i feel like I’m in the twilight zone. time is weird, it could be really late.

and now im just smiling at my computer

i wonder if brandon got my letter

did he write back? will he? and why am i getting back into this. he’s trouble. big trouble. why just leave it alone. like with adam. he was just done. haven’t heard from him since.weird. or is it? I mean, thats basically my m.o. thats what I do. real good at ghosting. I want to go out cause i look good, cute. i deserve a beer. it was a rough night. fucking crazy. i am an asshole. what am i getting involved with. and what I did. jesus christ. like calm down. I need a chaperone. shouldn’t be allowed to do half the shit i am. fuck. so much has changed.

i wonder if Ryan ever thinks of me. worst break up. I just didn’t get it. almost as bad as Luke. it all seems like another lifetime

ok looking forward. it’ll get better. be positive and project. I need to get in contact with Tess. I’m a bad friend for not. I miss her and Mike. I wonder if they’ll be able to hangout on Monday.

this guy brice vine is cute. came out of nowhere with that drew barrymore song.

I wonder is im going to read this ever again. last ones I read felt so sad. upsetting

I want to go back to the beginning with sparks. with Josh. but then i think that he wasn’t good for me. which he wasn’t. but I have/ had no closure. what are you supposed to do? leave it. just forget about it? I don’t want to. but i want to. but i don’t. talk about conflicted. so stupid. silly girl with her feelings. already made the mistake of getting caught up last night. that ended so badly.I am glad he called today though. so adult like of us.

[turtlechicky]

Just something I need to rant about.

I have a very hard time trusting women and that’s thanks to my childhood. It’s not something I’m going to air out. A friend believes I may have ptsd thanks to my mom and growing up with her untreated ptsd. So where people call me fake is me just avoiding topics and not willing to talk about shit.

The friend who I could talk to about most things began to stop messaging me, when I’d message her she would only reply to me 3-5 times before going silent. It usually took an hour between the messages. Like I get it you have depression and a lot of health issues.. but all I was good for was being used. I stopped trying to start conversations and we went so long without talking. She got several tattoos in that time period but never had time to say hi to me. She kinda tried so I accepted and invited her to my apartment for a week because it seemed to be better. We had some heart to heart talks and it was okay for a few days and then it was apparent that I was more of a convenience then a friend. She never helped clean, she smoked my weed WHILE I WAS ASLEEP and ate so much of our food only to purge it all in my bathroom. I understand it’s an eating disorder and I understand she has a ton of problems that make coping really hard. But to tell me “I’m bigger than you now” in complete disgust and change the conversation when I tried to talk to you because I need to talk to someone. You slept while I was awake and you stayed up when I went to bed, no matter what I did it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me just wanted to spend the week in my home. You left and changed your name and didn’t even try to talk to me for over a month. I gave up trying to talk to you, you showed me last year after everything that I wasn’t that important. “Best friend” because I was easy to use. I was honest with what I was feeling and thinking and you immediately turned it around as if I’m the one to blame for everything, that I’m the one with problems, that I’m a fake person because I couldn’t handle only being your “best friend” when I was useful to you. You actually tried to turn my friend against me and mocked your boyfriend for having an anxiety attack because you slept with your boss. I’m not the one who talks about slitting my wrists and playing with the cuts and drawing with the blood. When ever I wore pink or purple you went out of your way to tell me how much you hate the colours. You have gone out of your way to ignore me, even though I needed my “best friend”, but I’m the bad person because I didn’t have the energy for mind games and fake friends anymore. Not to forget whatever bullshit you are filling the exroommates head with because I compared the two of you and she went crazy.

Now the exroommate... she’s bipolar, but a more severe kind. She needed help and we needed a roommate. She was living with black mold in a horrible building with some fucked up people. She lived two doors down from a cocky dealer who brings all kind of issues (cough swat cough) and just crappy people in general. So we wanted to help her because she was an old friend of mine. Ditched the town we went to school at and stopped talking to me for a few years. Whatever didn’t matter. But she was obsessive over her cat. Told me I couldn’t call him nosey nibs because she didn’t like it, but her other friends can call him dickface and other insulting names and she loved calling him stupid. But nosey nibs was bad. I need help cleaning and do things because I’m crippled with health problems, that was the other reason she was brought in. Not just money but because she can clean. But nope! I did the cleaning, I did the work that needed to be done and was told to relax every time I complained. During her fits of anger I was the verbal punching bag or I watched the poor cat have to deal with her. She is beyond entitled, bf had a friend over for d&d and the friend said that everyone gets pizza. The boys got back from picking it up and she walked out and demanded to know where her pizza was because he said everyone gets one. When bf took me out for dinner or a date she would whine that she wanted some or that she was never taken out on a date. She would obsess over different topics and would go on and on about the same things that make her angry. Or when she was angry she always had to declare it as she treated anything and anyone like crap. Told me how she destroyed a bunch of her ex’s cloths and other stuff because he was a junkie player who only wanted easy pussy. Her dumbass got back with him and was specifically told he is not allowed here period. He’s a heavy drug user and we don’t want that here, she gave him the address and fucking had him pick her up at the patio. She decides to spend 2 weeks with him and left the cat in our care, without telling us and freaks out saying we need to replace the cat poop scoop because my bf broke it taking care of her stupid animal. She’s not allowed there anymore and starts asking to bring him here, which was met with a firm no. Which she did nothing but bitch and moan about how it’s not fair she can’t see him. He goes on vacation and starts to distance himself before she says wtf and blocks her after saying he doesn’t want to be with her. She actually harassed him hardcore when they broke up, walls of texts of her just not stopping and then none stop calling so she can scream at him.

She’s a hood rat, a grossly petty, genuine shit human all the way through. She trashed my home, believed we should just feed her and give her food when she didn’t have any left. Not my problem you don’t know how to spend the money the government gives you every month, not my problem that you end up hungry for a week or two due to your own stupidity. She sends a text that literally sounds like she was going to leave in a few weeks and then freaks out because we were confused over what she sent. She throws a temper tantrum and says “I’ll move out of there’s going to be issues” when she started the whole issue to begin with. I text her asking her not to burn white sage EVERYDAY (it was a week straight) because when I would get up to use the restroom all I could smell is burnt sage and it makes me feel ill. But that was immediately met with “I don’t burn it while your awake. Whatever I’ll just throw it out.” I tried to explain but she wouldn’t listen and I think she may have thrown it out in the end. I decided to have a nap on the couch and instead of leaving me alone she pestered me until I sat up and listened to the stupid shit I don’t care about that she HAS to tell me. She wouldn’t let me sleep and brought a friend over and laughed at me when I napped during a boring movie. But you know I leave her alone to nap but god forbid I receive that courtesy. I once again try and explain how rude it is to wake me up when I’m sleeping because you need to tell me about what some stupid person said and like clock work she freaks out and says she feels tense angry energy in the apartment because she’s an “empath” and I’m a literal fucking duck, quack. If she was an empath she was a shit one because every time she asked me if I was angry it was nothing more than a depressed state for the day. Yet my emotions how I felt never mattered, if I was upset that must mean I’m angry but even if I yelled she did nothing because “your always so calm and leave headed” and “you didn’t yell you never do” even though I did, I fucking ran and took a bath to calm down to make it a level conversion after I had yelled. She decided to “help” a “friend” (she had known him for maybe a week) and jumped head first into a drug deal and brought the crazy fucker to the apartment. She had only met him once. I was told to lock my windows and doors and be super quiet for the night. She was FUCKING WHITE GIRL WASTED and begged me not to tell my boyfriend. Decided she wanted to kill herself when I told her I had to tell him. Like hell im not going to tell him she may have put his life on the line. Then she wanted to tell my bf what happened after she “calmed down”. She had wanted him to come to her but he refused, he works nights. She knocked on our door FUCKING LIGHTLY until we got up and she barely told him anything, I told him more. She fucking lied to me about what happened 3 times and then tried to turn my bf against me saying I was being emotional. She decided to hop out for a few days, right after they “talked”, changed her number and got a new phone. But she wouldn’t stop texting me. I said I need a few days and she sent me 16 messages in 2 days. 2 on fb and the rest through text. The one she sent right before I went out to tell her we wanted her to move out was manipulation.

(I’m tech stupid so you get copy and paste of the text)

“I get your angry. I really do.

You need to try to understand that vodka makes me freak out I hate the stuff and I over reacted

Please try to ubderatdn it had NOTHING to do with me and nothing to do with you two.

I can continue to stay out of the apartment for how ever long you need. But I might have a job at a pet store that my friend works at and I need this job and I just need a plAce to stay. I would be angry too if the roles were reversed and if you really are my friend you are going to ubderatdn I made a mistake

I admit it And I am learning from it

Please don't send me on the street over almost nothing”

I finally broke and was straight to the point. I gave her until the 16th to get out and when she started to argue with me I threw the text she sent me in her face calling her the name of the other friend. She lost it and stole my ear muffs, a 10cent mug, a small bag of crystals and marbles I liked, and she decided that she was only going to pay 200 of the 490 she owed for rent. She insulted me endlessly and was gross, she kept throwing trash around the apartment more so after I kicked her out. Every time she came to pick up stuff she tried to get me to fight with her and scream back. But I never did, I got the landlord involved and wasn’t here alone when she came here. I made sure she couldn’t do more damage than what she did. And all the while texting my boyfriend telling him how bad of a person I am and that I was stupid for kicking her out over “almost nothing”. She tried to manipulate him and claims I over reacted and he should have said something.

Maybe I did. But I stand by my choice. Why would I want someone who claims to be my friend and treats me like trash? We said weed and muchrooms are the only recreational drugs aloud period. No if ands or buts about it. What happened changed every time she told me what happened. I’ve watched the way the heavy ones warp people and I want absolutely nothing to do with them. I watched the way blow warped a few people and I’ve watched what meth does to people. I know too many drug abusers and seen how they treat the people they love. So sorry if a very personal thing of mine was too hard to understand. But this “one mistake” wasn’t one, it was going to be another and another because that’s who she is. I ducked out of a relationship that was going to be abusive before it got there, why would I make an acception for you? I was dating the guy and found out he was crazy and cut it off before it went south, turns out he was a junkie. Something his cousin left out when she said we should get together. Bitch was supposed to be my best friend.

I have my problems but being toxic isn’t one of them. Just because I refuse to be bullied by people who use their disorders as an excuse to treat others like crap, doesn’t mean I should stay away from anyone with a mental illness, in fact many of my friends with mental illnesses have stated how much I help them. I’m not a toy or a puppet, I am human and your manipulative ghetto ass isn’t worth my time or energy. I refuse to be friends with someone who torments the cat until it paws at her and chases her in anger or will tease him with his favourite treat tuna and then never give him any after she makes him beg for it. I’m also not followed around Walmart for stealing or beg the neighbours to take me to a food bank because weed was more important than food. Or brag about stealing cough drops.

I have my flaws. I’m too forgiving, I can be very cold and cruel sometimes, I’m blunt and picky about how clean my apartment is. I’m not always good at talking about what bothers me and sometimes I clam up and hold onto it until I crack. I can be very cruel when I’ve been screwed over and my anger scares people. But I’m not fake, I am me and I’m not going to change or be manipulated by some bitter cunt who ignored me for the day when I told her of a complement I got and was confused by. Anytime I brought up how I thought people’s comments and stares were odd she’s always say the same thing “well you do walk around with braces on both legs and you dress how you want. I don’t understand why your confused or surprised.” But she just about lost it when I was cat called and didnt give a shit and then bragged about “cat calling men like they do to us.” I don’t hold grudges and sometimes I really question if it’s a good thing or not. I tried to help an old friend and she dug her grave. I will not be sorry for how I feel or what I said. Why is it okay to push me to a breaking point but god forbid I say anything apparently it makes me a hypocrite and immature?