had a realization getting dressed today. up til this moment i have kind of figured the gender nonconformity was assumed to be part of the butch thing by most of my coworkers. despite
new coworker staring extremely unsubtly as i wrote down my pronouns for a meeting (sorry tumblr, im any/all irl and sometimes that means saying she/her so i have somewhere to pee)
someone on my direct team sending one of the few trans guys i work with to come into my office for some papers and coincidentally he also spent 2 hours telling me about how rewarding it's been to come out + how great our coworkers are about creating a hostile environment for anyone who misgenders him even accidentally
multiple people telling me unprompted about the one gender neutral bathroom in the entire building (the entire reason i have not been coming out, its very far away)
the same coworker from the pronouns asking me directly if i was transgender last week
like im not really sure how i thought i was flying under the radar until this moment. like in context being asked if i was transgender felt like the natural progression of a conversation but now it seems more like one of those "not everyone wants to be a boy/girl/neither." like "if your coworkers are directly asking you if you're transgender you're probably not being very subtle about it."
anyways changed my pronouns on slack today :) now i'll have to walk across the building to the bathroom :')
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Ketheric continues to be the member of the Chosen I struggle to get a grip on. Like the other three I can tell you the details of why (I think) they grew up to monsters:
Long post.
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Let's start with Gortash: spent his childhood being told he was a selfish monster for his thoughts - apparently from birth - for the way he perceived the world, for *checks notes* wanting his parents attention as an undeveloped human being that relies on its parents to survive and thrive.
Then his parents send him to hell as part of a deal. Because that's where monsters go isn't it? They go to hell to suffer eternal damnation because they were monsters in life.
So you grow up in one of the literal cesspits of the universe, where the only people you meet are the literal scum of the universe, or those you're going to learn to see as weak fools who had to rely on others - and were ultimately willing to commit atrocities themselves - who were taken advantage of by the scum of the universe.
You get to the Hells by committing atrocities, either because you want something so badly you'll fuck somebody over for it (out of greed, or because you couldn't fix it yourself (weak)) or because you did them of your own volition. And curiously, some of these people had their price tags wrapped in such subtle terms they don't even realise they did anything wrong! Lesson learned; anyone will willingly be a monster if you make the evil sound nice.
Every single devil you meet has had the humanity flayed from their soul, and they got to where they are in their existences by fomenting (and committing) hate and rape and murder and everything evil under the sun as a regular Monday morning in the ultimate goal to make the universe an evil place. Devils are also 'self made men', everybody started from nothing as a lemure and clawed their way to where they are now.
Every social interaction in the Hells is manipulation and abuse. Everyone there hurts everyone.
But you do have one example of a good person! There's Hope! Lovely lady, kind and sweet... Trapped in hell being abused forever going insane because of it because your ambitious sister fucked you over. That's where trust and love being a good person gets you.
And that was his entire social life. That was the people he had to look to for examples. All his early experiences were limited to a sample of the absolute worst it has to offer, and he has a very skewed view of the universe.
And the fact that he's apparently so damn good at sex a lady gave him a ring worth everything she owns after growing up around a pleasure devil whose role is harming and corrupting people with sex and has built in charm person at etc is not ringing alarm bells(!) I'm not side-eyeing the boudoir at all.
I wonder why having a child/teen spend their formative years in the evil factory literally designed to spit out monsters... spat out a monster? Kudos to Karlach, though: just how many layers of defence mechanisms has she got in her brain?
Gortash's thought processes are 50% through the lens of engineering and 50% through the lens of a devil's perspective to me. People will sell out others for their own gain, because they're too weak to do it themselves or because they're bastards. If you don't get with the programme you're the victim. You only get ahead by being ruthless. Everybody is untrustworthy, and relying on them will get you betrayed. The world is divided into the weak and the ruthlessly strong who take what they want.
Yes, he's a monster. And so are his parents. And so is everyone.
And then Bane saw this perfect example of his way of thinking and said 'that one.'
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Orin: obviously we've got grooming. The fact that her formative memories include her mother trying to murder her, and the fact that she feels like the only person who has ever cared about her or supported her is her grandfather. Who is implied to have been raping her, or intending to. All she's permitted is to have her brain poisoned by her faith, which her life revolves around, and then her kin 'does it all wrong' and inherits everything she's been groomed to believe is hers. But no, 'they're not wrong,' says everybody around her 'you are!'
She's a Bhaalspawn, so her relationships with her kin are "kill or be killed," as Helena proved. You will please father by slaughtering your siblings, or you will die - or worse. You must be and stay favoured by Bhaal above all the others to be truly safe ("safe"), and Durge outranking her is a threat to her existence. Actually Durge existing is a threat to her well-being.
She has no way to live a life outside the cult, never has and never will. Her life is insanely lonely and mostly consists of paranoia.
But the overlaying theme here is that she's a changeling. She's mirrorkin with no unique physical identity of her own, she can only reflect those of others. To be dnd canon accurate: she has no real facial features, no pigmentation. She's not permitted an identity of her own, and was punished for trying. She's a mirror born and raised to reflect the glory of Bhaal, the glory of her failed grandfather, the rise of Bhaal's favourite child. Never her own.
Gee, I wonder why she literally wears people's skins.
Denied the ability to do anything but live according to what she's told, she does her best to live up to it because to fail is to become her parents and the countless aunts and uncles currently enjoying their damnation in the Throne of Blood. And then she's told she's doing it wrong. By everybody. She's a 'rabid dog'. She, despite having doctrine poured into her ears and probably carved into her flesh her entire life 'doesn't understand Bhaal.' And everybody is insanely patronising about it! You're never allowed to be anything but what we tell you to be, but you're still not good enough! Which is death.
The Temple of Bhaal needs murder feminism.
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The Dark Urge is my favourite little nightmare, and I've talked about them at length: much of Orin's trauma also applies to them, although where she's a mirror made to reflect the egos of others, Durge is only allowed one identity: Bhaal's. Where Orin can never seem to reach the standards forced on her, Durge is never allowed to fail to meet them, or else. Every outside connection they ever had was brutally sabotaged, and they've had 'you're a monster and only I (your abusive Father) can love you' drilled into their mind. They hate themself. We got the threat of sexual exploitation (assuming it didn't happen), there's a subtle undercurrent of incest to some interactions.
The prayer for forgiveness kind of sums it all up: 'I'm sorry for forming an emotional connection that isn't blind love for you father, but don't fret, I'll destroy it with my own hands just like everything else and then finally get to kill myself just like I've always wanted.'
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But Ketheric? Like villains don't need tragic backstories to be terrible people, but it does make them more interesting.
OK, so your bio family is fucked up and I definitely get the impression that they sucked (Malus is giving me vibes that say he'd have been a villain anyway, and might've been secretly Sharran to start with; Gerringothe seems to be drowning whatever her issues are in gold), and then the loving family you made for yourself broke: your wife died, and your daughter died, sure. But plenty of people on Toril probably have similar if not the same stories and didn't go evil overlord! Why are you doing this? What is informing these decisions?
Why does your existence hinge so much on your dead daughter that your son is basically named after her and you seem to hate him for existing and not being her?
Does Shar have something to do with it? Has Ketheric just carved out so much memory and emotion, so much of his own identity, that all that's left is the grief and the hunger for the pain to stop but, as per Shar's intent, it keeps coming back, with less and less positive memories to soften the pain. A wound that festers and never heals. Is the obsession with Isobel because she's the icon of everything that was good in his life, and her loss was the moment everything good was gone? Was he a rational man who turned to Shar to stop the pain in a moment of understandable grief and rage at her sister, and then was trapped in a cycle that destroyed everything that was good in that man until we get the General?
Just guess working my way through his entire backstory...
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DP x DC Prompt:
Summoning circles are more complicated than people give them credit for. They’re a bit like a mix between a thumb print, a name, a phone number, and a recipe; and at the same time, nothing like any of those things.
In reality, most summoning circles in spell books and ancient texts are incomplete, representing only a fraction of a particular spirit’s identity.
A complete circle will actually be a series of different summoning circles, with each concentric ring representing an aspect of the spirit’s identity and having individual requirements and/or offerings needed. Ghosts have an innate awareness of them and are able to draw and describe their requirements from any sort of inward reflection.
Ghosts will often give out incomplete circles as a means of communication and transportation. A single ring of the circle will only open the door, and each ring added makes the pull and connection to the summoner stronger. Ghosts will also sometimes use incomplete circles to mark and monitor their haunts and as a way of claiming territory.
A complete summoning circle will occasionally but inevitably change over time, as parts of the spirit’s identity change.
The circle will always be a closely guarded secret. This is because, much like giving your true name to the fae, giving out your full summoning circle will allow the summoner to not only capture you, but to command and control you.
After Danny was shown Dan’s future where he killed the world, he made Jazz memorize his complete circle and told her to use it if he ever turned evil. She thought he was being ridiculous, but learned the spell when she saw how frightened he had become of himself.
When the summoning circle of the Ghost King was added to his identity, he tried to make her memorize the new circle, only for her to flat out refuse, saying it’s not healthy for him to make these kind of contingencies. They get into a really bad fight and Danny flies off determined to find someone he can trust with his circle should he turn evil.
As he’s flying over his town he feels the slight tug on his consciousness indicating someone is trying to summon the Ghost King. He lets his awareness bleed through the summoning just enough to see that… yup it’s cultists again. At least there’s no sacrifices this time.
He’s about to shrug the summoning off like he has so many others when he suddenly sees someone fighting through the cultists. Oh! Make that several someones.
With a giddy sort of eagerness Danny watches Batman and his sidekicks cut through the crowd of religious fanatics, even taking down a couple that looked like they were using ghost-based magic. He’d always admired the Dark Knight, but seeing him fight in person is something else.
It’s as the hero is tying up the cultists and checking their injuries that a lightbulb goes off in Danny’s head, and, after a moment of steeling his determination, he lets himself be pulled through the summoning circle.
The Bats all tense up as the circle at the center of the room grows brighter, readying themselves for another fight. Danny tries to smile reassuringly as he feels his form materialize, though they likely can’t see it in the bright flash of light that accompanies it.
He frowns when he realizes the summoning had dressed him in his royal armor and cloak, the crown of fire burning above his head and ring of rage glaring from his right hand.
He tries raising his hands in an “I am not a threat,” pose, before realizing it looks exactly like the Box Ghost’s “Beware!” pose. He tucks his hands under his armpits, then awkwardly waves at the group of vigilantes.
“Hi there! Wow that was really cool- Thanks for taking care of these guys for me.”
The vigilantes once again tense up as Danny steps out of the circle towards them. Danny smiles sheepishly.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to talk to you, Batman.”
Batman steps forward, approaching Danny as he stands just outside the circle, a living shadow that looms larger than life. Still, Danny senses something soften in his gaze as he looks over the teenage Ghost King, stopping just out of reach of him. Danny gazes back at his childhood hero, hoping he’s making the right choice.
“I have a favor to ask of you.”
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#WOULD KILL DRACULA AND SURVIVE#listen maedhros feanorion and jonathan harker are fundamentally the same genre of person. no im not elaborating just trust me. #actually that’s a lie i made a long unhinged post elaborating but like #‘‘his spirit burned like a white fire within’’ / ‘‘in fact he is like a living flame’’
PLEASE elaborate on Maedhros and Jonathan being the same kind of person! Is Jonathan the living flame quote?
YES LISTEN OKAY YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND. first of all i have been unhinged already here but. look i just really love a character who makes decisions they know are putting them in danger because they’re bound to some duty beyond themself. love a character who was trapped and imprisoned and makes for a juicy study of what the power structure of that entrapment was like (and for maedhros i have to shout out @outofangband for just utterly sinking their TEETH into this in the BEST way). love a character who SHOULD’VE died, who DIDN’T, except they did go through some kind of metaphorical death. and now they’re back. and they’re not as soft and measured as they used to be. and now they’re spurred on by rage and trauma - and also the desire to protect their people (maedhros has his little brothers and also All Of The Noldor, jonathan has mina) from the horrors that they faced. and they WILL face those horrors. violently. with a knife. no matter how much it opens their own trauma, they’re taking the blow. and fuck do i LOVE a character who’s willing to meet the worst version of themself along the way, who’s willing to Become The Thing They Fear for the people they love. (maedhros, who refused to burn the ships, doesn’t want to be the kind of person who slaughters refugees. but he will be that, for his family. jonathan doesn’t want to be dracula. but for mina, he’ll turn to vampirism without second thought.)
also listen. a character who is physically changed by what they went through, as a metaphor for the way their trauma has altered who they are. maedhros losing his right hand. jonathan’s hair turning white. you see. you get me.
AND YEAH. YEAH THAT’S A DIRECT QUOTE ABOUT JONATHAN!!!!!!! it’s from the october 3rd entry, where jack describes jonathan as such:
The poor fellow is overwhelmed in a misery that is appalling to see. Last night he was a frank, happy-looking man, with strong, youthful face, full of energy, and with dark brown hair. Today he is a drawn, haggard old man, whose white hair matches well with the hollow burning eyes and grief-written lines of his face. His energy is still intact; in fact, he is like a living flame. This may yet be his salvation, for, if all go well, it will tide him over the despairing period; he will then, in a kind of way, wake again to the realities of life.
(emphasis mine but!!!!!! TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE MOST MAEDHROS-CODED OUTSIDER POV ON JONATHAN HARKER EVER)
anyhow. i love them both dearly. and the living flame quote is one of my favorite lines of all time <3
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