#some of these were a nightmare to clean sobs...but they are worth it <3 they own my soul

[dyingclown]

yall i dyed my hair on saturday and TURNS OUT IM ALLERGIC TO THE DYE WE USED?AFJSFLALFDSHKJ

graphic description of allergic reaction on scalp below the cut and ALSO rambling about things going on in my life

I WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP THE COLOR ON FOR 30 MINUTES BUT I COULD ONLY MANAGE 15 MINUTES (WHICH I SPENT SOBBING IN AGONY) BECAUSE I FELT LIKE AN ENTIRE COLONY OF FIRE ANTS HAD BEEN PLANTED IN MY BRAIN AND WERE EATING AWAY THROUGH MY SCALP

AND NOW THE ENTIRE TOP LAYER OF MY SCALP IS PEELING OFF 💀💀💀 IT KEEPS COMING OFF IN THESE DISGUSTING CHUNKS OF FLESH AND THE FLESH IS RED BECAUSE I DYED MY HAIR RED

MY HAIR LOOKS SO GOOD BUT I AM IN PAIN

AND I CANT STOP PICKING AT MY SCALP EITHER

I ALREADY HAVE A SKIN PICKING/SCAB PICKING PROBLEM TO BEGIN WITH, AND COUPLED WITH MY OTHER SCALP PICKING PROBLEM, THIS IS A LIVING NIGHTMARE

BECAUSE IT JUST FEELS LIKE MY SCALP IS COVERED IN SCABS AND SKIN THAT ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO COME OFF

BUT IT CANT AND IT WILL ONLY COME OFF WHEN ITS 100% READY TO

THANK GOD I WAS WITH MY BF ALL WEEKEND BECAUSE THEY WOULD SEE ME PICKING MY SCALP AND SAY "HAND." AND MAKE ME HOLD HER HAND INSTEAD AHSJASJAJJAJ

no bc if i wasnt with them i genuinely would have spent my nights picking away my skin trapped in my own personal hell

but instead i got to spend my nights in the arms of a pretty girl<333

we're meeting again on march 1st and im so excited

thank god its so soon, only 11 days because i miss him more than anything on this planet

long distance is SOOOO hard but its so worth it

im just grateful that i get to see them ever

like once a month is pretty good in the grand scheme of things, there are people who have never even gotten to hold their partners hand yet because they live so far away

its still just so hard though because i have to see everyone at my school doing fun stuff in person with their partners all the time and i would kill to have that too

"darling, play your violin

i know it's what you live for

darling, play your violin

we will manage somehow"

the 'we will manage somehow' reminds me of the feeling i get right before we have to leave my house to drop them back off

when we're packing up his things and saying our last goodbyes before the long car ride

the final kisses we give each other with tears streaming down our faces because we dont want to end the embrace

its extra us because she used to play violin as a kid

i really want to buy him a new violin some day

i could save up

they would feel so bad though because violins are pretty expensive

idk

some day, but not today

they could relearn their skill and play songs for me<3

that would be really nice i think

and she could learn songs that i love

the days after meeting up with them are always the hardest because even though they are hours away, my room is full of us

"all of our love filling all of our room"

everything still smells like her and it hurts me because i know that eventually the room with be just mine again and not ours

cleaning for the first time after hes gone is the hardest thing to make myself do because i just want to keep every single remaining trace of him locked around me

but thats not how any of this works, and i know it isnt

thats why every time after we meet i rapid-fire post lyrics to heaven by mitski 💀💀💀 that song always reminds me of her

"as i sip on the rest of the coffee you left, a kiss left of you"

they gave me their sweater and its funny because it kind of smells like me too since they were wearing it while around me and i am very clingy 😭😭😭 like i spent many hours this weekend just laying on her

its a sweater for their schools choirLMAOOO i feel so funny wearing it because it is merch for another highschool in literally another state

im not even a choir kid either and that makes it even funnier

i love doing things with him, like playing games and doing activities but. my absolute favorite thing is just laying together and cuddling with my body as close as physically possible to them

the way i see it, we can do activities and stuff with each other from through the phone. the only thing we cant do is hold each other and i want to stay in that embrace for the rest of time

my favorite place ever is between her arms

we had the best time ever talking the other day and we were talking about like very personal stuff but we could relate to each other and we were laughing and holding hands and it was just so nice

it was honestly one of my favorite conversations ive ever had with him

and meals with her are fun because we watch Mr. beast together 😭😭😭 and they watched one of the videos beforehand to make sure that there wasn't anything that could trigger my emetophobia<33333

they are literally the only person in my life that takes my phobia seriously and it makes me feel so loved and heard and respected and appreciated and all that

and they were saying such nice things to me before bed last night, like they completely eliminated several of my insecurities and i feel even more comfortable around him than i did before which is saying something

we slept on the call tonight

i usually prefer to sleep alone, so i call them and wait until they're sleeping to get off the phone and sleep by myself

she just likes to hear the sound of me breathing while going to bed which i think is sweet

i didnt leave the call tonight though, i just didn't want to be alone

for valentines day, i got us promise rings

mine is silver and hers is gold because those are our preferred metals

its two little hearts and theyre ruby and sapphire gemstones because he loves steven universe and there are two characters named ruby and sapphire and they're madly in love

the rings are so pretty and they align with their interests and im so excited

we wear them on our wedding ring fingers

its exciting because i know that one day a real wedding ring will replace it and this one will be a memory of our love

and he also made me the prettiest bracelet ever and there are some very nice things about it that i will list here

charm, half a heart, magnetic - they have a matching bracelet with the other magnetic half and when we're together we can connect them to form a whole heart and its the sweetest thing ever

separate magnetic beads so i can click them together because i fidget with my jewelry. literally the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me

my favorite colors

made with my favorite hands in the entire world (hers)

so incredibly thoughtful

so basically its the best piece of jewelry

and then i gave them a bracelet as well and i have a matching one

i didnt make these ones but they are very very sentimental to me for reasons that im not going to go into

the bracelet i gave her ended up breaking when we were at the mall:((( luckily we found the broken pieces and can fix it. god i was so scared when we realized it was missing, you can imagine the relief i felt when we found it on the ground

i have pictures to share so i will do that later when im on my phone

posting this live from my geometry class!!! the assignment only took me like 20-30 minutes so i have so much free time

the class ends in about 25 minutes and after that i have an hour and a half free in this same classroom for my schools equivalent of a study hall 💀💀💀

im so glad today is easy because i need a break from all the turbulence

plus today will be a bit more difficult mentally than other days because im still waking up from the dream that was this weekend

"now i bend like a willow thinking of you, like a murmuring brook curving about you"

this morning my friend gave me the sweetest card in the whole universe for valentines day and im just feeling so grateful for everyone around me

lately ive been feeling so loved and welcome and happy about all the beautiful amazing people in my life

things are going pretty good

i could talk for hours about everything that happened this weekend but alas, i am tired of typing

they made me so much other amazing stuff and i got very thoughtful gifts and i just want to cover my room wall to wall in all the stuff she gave me

ok goodbye now!!!!

[jeonfiles]

better left unsaid - jjk

genre: angst, rebounds

pairings: jungkook x reader (ft. namjoon)

warnings: arguing, alcohol, profanity, break ups, light smut, use of drugs, jungkook is a fucking dick, jungkook has major attachment issues, toxic relationships, oc cries a lot, namjoon has a heart of gold, unrequited love

synopsis: you knew you shouldnt have given him that second chance, not the third or the fourth either. no matter how much you try he always slithers his way underneath your sheets, arms wrapped around you.

word count: 2.7k

music: into your arms, so it ends?, you will fade, thinkin bout you, julia, my insecurities not yours, fuck u, goodluck, my dear i will think of you

note: uhh ive never written a y/n fic so bare with me, if u listen to the music you’ll be able to feel the story a lot more so yeah if u have time u should, not proof read

Light coming through the cracks of the blinds, making you squint your eyes when the daylight beams into your eyes, head resting on the kitchen island Looking up, you saw the clock ticking on the wall, 11:32 am.

You had stayed up till 5 am, waiting for him to come home, but seemingly, he never did. Reaching for your phone, you saw 4 missed calls from the one and only,

Jeon Jungkook, saved in your phone as “Koo <3″, Rows of messages too, all from the same contact.

Koo <3 [05:34 am]

baby pkck me up pleseee

im so wsated

Koo <3 [06.46am]

dont be mad at me jsut pick me up

i dont knw hewere the fuck i am

i love you

Koo <3 [07:31 am]

i got a rde home i’ll be home by 12

i need to talk to someone frsit

im sorry if i woke ypu dont be worried

You took a few moments to collect your thoughts, but there wasn’t much to collect. This whole thing, was a routine by now.

Standing up to make yourself a cup of coffee, you could literally not feel your own backside, you were so sore from the barstool you had been sitting on all night, and it made you groan in pain.

Two coffee cups right beside the kitchen sink, which you couldn’t bring yourself to clean up, because it was from the last time you had coffee together, which was 2 weeks ago.

The inside of the cup had a coffee crust at the top, and both your lip tint marks on the outside.

When you finish your cup of coffee while watching a bad telenovela, you go sit in your favorite chair and pull out a few books from the backpack hanging on the chair next to you, getting ready to get some studying done.

For a few seconds you imagine Jungkook hanging over your shoulder laughing at the way you write your A-s and R-s, or the way you always sign your homework at the bottom of the page.

And when you open them, there’s no one there. The only sound is from the refrigerator, making refrigerator noises.

You had met Jungkook 3 years ago, when you were at college orientation, senior year of high school. He also wanted to attend Yonsei, just like you.

And when he whispered to you about how bored he was, you couldn’t help but giggle, and then you got yelled at.

It was worth it though, because everyone was jealous of you afterwards,the  Jeon Jungkook had talked to you.

Jungkook was an all-rounder as they called it; great physique, intelligent, charismatic and great at sports.

And god, he had a beautiful face, and such a filthy mouth, and it didn’t go long before you gave in to his seductive ways and slept with him. The morning after, he wasn’t in bed with you, and your heart sank.

Luckily, he was in the kitchen making you breakfast.

It was all bliss from there, showering you with love, gifts and kisses for two years, and you even ended up moving in together.

And now? You barely remember what he sounds like, smells like and is like.

A distant memory, just as distant as him.

Your train of thought was suddenly interrupted as you heard 3 knocks on your door. The exact same way he had always knocked when he had forgotten (or lost) his keys.

And even though you should have let him suffer a little, you rushed to the door to open it, and in front of you, was your biggest nightmare.

It was your love, crying his eyes out, bleeding from one of many cuts on his face, looking nearly dead. He collapsed into your arms, and you could only utter a few words, along the lines of:

“How could you do this to us?”

As he was laying curled up in a ball on the couch, face plastered up, ice bag on his knee, wrapped up in a blanket, you realized. this was your que to cry.

So, you did. You cried in silence, sitting across the room from him. You weren’t mad at him for coming home late, or getting in another fight, probably the 5th just these past months, you had gotten used to that by now.

There was a whole other reason that made you cry.

He smelled like Victorias Secret Bombshell, you recognized the scent because it used to be your favorite,  however, now you’ve moved onto something less sweet, and more elegant, like Caroline Herrera.

He smelled like someone who wasn’t you, his girlfriend.

He smelled like another girl.

It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Maybe because the Jungkook that had come home to you that morning wasn’t your Jungkook.

Your Jungkook was varsity jackets, star of the american football team (which your school was known for), selfless and humorous, and he would always take care of you.

Your Jungkook was not ungroomed hair, cigarettes and worsening grades. He was not cold and lifeless, and he would never make you cry.

Despite this, you were carding your fingers though his hair, thumb wiping away the blood on his lips while he was sound asleep as you slowly fell asleep next to him.

Maybe it was time to let him go. 

Maybe.

You woke a few hours later from your phone vibrating.

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:01 pm]

Hey Y/N! Have you started working on the statistics assignment?

If you haven’t, would you be interested in meeting at the library tomorrow? You’re really smart and i’m kinda struggling ://

You [07:03 pm]

i finished it yesterday, but if you buy me coffee i’ll come help you hehe

Kim Namjoon (school) [07:04 pm]

You’re the best, I’ll bring you a machiatto!! :D

Maybe it would be nice for you to get out of the house, even though you hate the thought of it, and you would much rather just swim in your own sorrow.

But you did go out the next day, and you helped Namjoon get a decent grade, enough to pass with good margines, he thanked you by taking you out for ramen at a convenial store not too far away.

You thanked him for the ramen with a trip to the museum, and he thanked you for the museum trip with a picnic in the park at night, which led you to crying over Jungkook in his embrace, telling him every single little detail.

He made you realize it was time to let Jungkook go and make room for new people to enter your life.

You went home that night, and you found Jungkook passed out on the couch, and you could genuienly feel your chest tighten. Soft features which stood out under the moonlight glow, disheveled brown locks which hung down in his eyes.

He was gorgeous, until you saw the credit card on the table next to three bottles of soju and an empty beer can on the floor. And you knew what he had used the credit card for, though you didn’t want to say it out loud.

You cleaned everything up, and you threw the residue of the white powder right in the trash can, and you recycled his bottles and cans before finally, nudging him to wake up.

“Jungkook, wake up.” You spat coldly, or at least you attempted to.

He groaned, rubbing his eyes before opening his eyes, and s huge smile on his face. “Y/N, you’re home!” He reached to kiss you, but you backed away.

“Y/N?” Jungkook questioned, he didn’t quite understand what your intentions were.

“Don’t try anything Jungkook. This was your last chance, and you fucked it up, again.” The room turned ice cold. “I’m getting you help Jungkook, you need help. And then...”

He understood what kind of help you meant, and since he had now sobered up, he agreed, nodding. “And then...?” 

“And then.” Your words were ludged in your throat. “And then I’m leaving you.”

His whole face dropped, smile turned into the frowniest frown you had ever seen, and it was all silent before his lower lip starts trembling, and his eyes start turning glassy.

“It’s alright. Sorry for burdening you.” Was all he could say before tears rushed down his cheeks, and he started shaking.

So you did what you always had done, and you wrapped your arms around him, head resting on your chest as he sobbed.

“Is there anyone else?” he cried out before another wave of sobs hit him.

This exact question made your stomach hurt, and your throat burn. You really had no idea.

Or you did, but you didn’t want to.

You loved Jungkook so much, but you couldn’t be with him in this state. So you did what every rational person would do in this situation.

“Yeah.”

You lied.

“Oh ok. I don’t have the right to be mad do I?”

You shake your head no.

“I love you Y/N. I’m sorry I’m so messed up.”

“It’s ok.” was all he said before he fell asleep in your arms again.

That night you slither your way out of his embrace and you pack your suitcase in the dark, bringing all your essentials, trying to be as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Jungkook.

Packing enough for two weeks or so, you make the bed and leave your t-shirt “accidentally” in the bathroom, and you make sure all his clothes are folded, and then you sort his pencil case, throwing out old pens and worn out erasers.

You leave a grocery list on the counter, and you tuck him in good under the blankets after you took his jeans and socks off so he could sleep comfortably.

You placed his vitamins and medicine by the refrigerator so he’ll see it when he goes to grab something to eat. 

Puffed up pillows, a pair of sweatpants, t-shirt and underwear is now placed neatly on his bed. Then you walk into the kitchen again, and you see Jungkook still sound asleep, sniffling a little still.

There’s one last thing, and it makes you cry. It makes you sob so loud you cover your mouth and muffle the sound you make. Sinking to the floor, your whole body is in contact with the cold tiles.

Only a year ago you could never imagine yourself even shedding a single tear over something as small as this, but here you were, on the edge of a panic attack.

Two worn out, matching couple mugs still placed by the counter. one if the first things you two had bought together, as well as the necklace hanging around your neck.

Finally, you stopped crying and started cleaning the mugs, lip trembling as you dried them and placed them in the back of the cabinet.

You unhooked your necklace and laid it down on the counter, and the biggest lump formed in your throat.

Actually, there’s a little detail you forget. 

You kiss Jungkook on the forehead and leave a note on the coffee table.

“Dear Jungkook,

If you want to make this up to me (this does not mean a new chance!!) you call the number at the bottom of the page. No matter what happens, I’ll always have room for you in my heart. You even have your own little VIP lobby in there. And - if it’s urgent, call. I still care for you, and I always have. You were the best boyfriend I’ve had, but good things always come to and end, don’t they? Anyways, I’m tired so this letter fucking sucks, but deep down you know how much I love you. Remember to get groceries, shower, get fresh air and study. If I forgot something you can keep it, as long as you call the number and tell them you’re my friend. They’ll help you love. Try and get a part time job too, your student loan and your dad’s money won’t last forever. Good luck Koo. Hwaiting!!

-L/N Y/N <33″

You cringe when you think of the letter’s contents, before you roll out your suitcase out of the front door, whispering a faint “Goodnight Love.” as you close and lock the door behind you.

Standing by the elevator, you cry again. This time, louder, but you still reach for your phone and type out a text to the newly edited contact in your phone.

You [02:13 am]

coming outside now, im a crying mess and im super cold, is your car heated?

sorry for making you wait btw :((

Joonie <3 [02:13 am]

dont worry about the crying part, i’ll hold you. and yeah car is heated, so waiting here wasnt all that bad. you ready for this?

You  [02:14 am]

i have no idea but i cant stay here any longer and i trust you sooo

lets start our new chapter. eh?

4 months later...

He had been good to you, great even.

You had been on expensive dates, picnics, had heart to heart conversations, and he’d been so understanding.

Today, it was your 2 month anniversary, and he had asked you on a magnificent date, which he had planned every second of.

At the end of the day, you told him how you don’t love him. He said it was alright. Namjoon loved you, so much, yet he understood you needed time.

You went to sleep that day, warm in Namjoon’s embrace, wondering how Jungkook was doing. 

You felt bad, but you missed Jungkook.

You were both with someone new now, and you knew he was in good hands with someone stable enough to care for him.

Before your eyes closed shut, you shed a few quiet tears and hoped that you’d fall in love with Namjoon soon, and deep down you knew you would.

[youryanderedaddy]

♡100 followers special♡

Guys, I would like to thank all of you for all the support since I started this blog, you are the best <3 Btw this is the fic Elon Musk doesn’t want you to see lol, jk jk 

Title: Humanity

Words: 3.6k 

Summary: When you get sold to an odd looking robot after the last failure of a rebellion, things go better than you had expected. Until they don’t. 

tw: robot/AI apocalypse au, dystopia au, slavery, slight non - sexual public nudity, discrimination, vulgar language, mention of death and child abuse (in the past), obsessive behavior, non - consensual touching, angst 

              AD 3061y., 14 September

 Your hometown was in ruins, shattered by the Forces and left without any source of food, clean water or reliable manpower. The rebellion had failed just like the first ten attempts and as much as you had wanted to believe this time would be different, your dreams stayed nothing more than a way to cope with the harsh reality. Any intelligent individual had either managed to flee before the prosecution or died in agony while trying. You could still hear their pained screams ringing in your ear, the desperate look in their pupils sealed forever in your mind along with the sound of heavy breathing slowly fading into the background like your own hopes for a better future.

 The ones who decided to play meek and close their eyes to the inhuman torture happening in the area were spared, but what awaited them could potentially be worse than death itself. You were part of the flock of pitiful weak humans who had surrendered to the heartless machines wanting nothing more than to see mankind squirm and kneel underneath their mechanic heel like a bug. And now you would face the hour of judgment – tired and exhausted, heavy rusty chains around your bruised ankles making every next step a little harder than the last one. But you were certain that the most painful humiliating event hadn’t taken place yet and the thought made your blood run cold. You could recall the countless stories you used to hear on the streets from your friends about androids stealing kids and selling them like cattle to the most powerful leaders of society. Back then you would laugh at them, finding the ideas ridiculous, better fit for a conspiracy theory or a legend rather than an actual threat. But during that time life was easier – the robots were still your friends, just your average citizens, equal to the humans in every manner. It wasn’t until ten years later that some of them realized just how much better, stronger and smarter than the people they really were. That’s how the apocalypse started and that’s how it was going to end. These days the mortals were becoming extinct with the population cut down to one million. You didn’t have names or rights to any possession. Your mere survival had one purpose only – to entertain the machines so they could feel human again. And right now you were being dragged to Soraq, also known as the biggest slave market in the country.

----

 It was just as terrifying as you had imagined it to be. The Capital was supposed to express wealth, luxury and maybe even happiness but your old human views were easily opposed when faced with the mud  covering what was left of the pavement and the pale exhausted bodies of the mortals wandering the streets searching for a hot meal and a little bit of kindness it was clear no one wanted to provide. You reached out to help a young girl sobbing all by herself on the ground but the Officer roughly yanked your shoulder back and ordered you to keep going – his cold hard touch was enough to bruise your skin.

 After a few long minutes of uncertainty your keeper finally stopped, pulling you up some black stairs leading to a small stage and if you weren’t too busy looking around for the others who were captured, you might have noticed the crowd gathered inches away from you. Soon enough you were forced to redirect your attention as you heard the approving screams and cheering below. There were hundreds of robots staring at you, smirking maliciously, pinning you with their cold calculating gazes. You finally realized that this wasn’t just a bad dream or a nightmare, something unreal you could easily run away from by opening your eyes. You were about to become property and the worst part was the way the cruel machines perfectly resembled people – they looked the same except for the dark red pupils each possessed which glowed when going into a fight mode. But unlike humans the androids had gotten rid of their most intimate emotions and fears, turning themselves into empty shells, shiny and murderous with no way to experience anything properly, be it pleasure or pain.

 “Ladies and gentlemen!” The Officers started off with a low chuckle, his heavy hand wrapped tightly around your arm. His voice should have been programmed to be monotone but now it had a playful edge to it. “Today our dear subjects have decided to be feisty yet again. They still haven’t learned their lesson it seems.” He grinned eerily, quickly followed by the mocking laugher of the crowd. Some even shouted slurs and insults but you tried to focus on controlling your feelings. You needed to stay calm if you wanted to survive. “We really can’t expect more from the mankind. They are primal after all, they just can’t learn from their mistakes.” The male robot paused for a second to fix his microphone. “It’s in their DNA code to be foolish and pathetic. That’s why we need to take better care of them.” He whispered the last line down your neck and despite knowing that the machines didn’t have actual lungs, you could swear you felt his cold breath on your sensitive skin.

 “The woman is in her early twenties. Her background is unknown, but she certainly looks like someone you would want in your collection.” The android continued talking as if you weren’t there, his hands all over your tinier frame. The mass was yelling, but you only made out the words „down”, „strip” and „human”. Your eyes watered involuntarily and you let the tears stream down your cheeks in spite of the weakness they showed. It didn’t matter – it couldn’t get any worse so you could at least let yourself experience such little bits of comfort. In the next moment the Officer ripped your old ragged t-shirt, exposing your breasts to the cold autumn air. The hot red humiliation washed over you as the degrading whistles pierced trough your heart. It was such a cruel unfair punishment and you couldn’t even keep your composure long enough to not break down ugly – crying right there.

 “The bidding starts at one thousand eros!” The robot’s evil voice echoed through the area, reaching the market borders. Suddenly all the attention was on your scared vulnerable half-naked self. More than ten androids raised their hands, making your stomach turn in terror. Most of them had unpleasant appearances, resembling old people, usually men. “Do we have two thousand eros?” The officer added quickly afterwards having seen the shown interest. This time there were only five bots willing to buy you for so much money – but the show was far from over. “Am I seeing three thousand eros?” Your keeper kept going, determined to drain your bidders off their wealth, but to his utmost surprise now there were only two robots with their hands in the air – one seemingly younger and the other looking all wrinkled and bitter at the world. You silently prayed that fate would work in your favor only this time and hand you over to the man who would treat you more like a living being and less like an object.

 “Ten thousand eros.” Suddenly the android with a kinder appearance declared out loud, his cold stern gaze fixed onto you. The other male hesitated for a moment, probably wondering whether or not you were worth so much money, but at the end he cursed under his breath and slowly put his hand down with a sour expression. “Sold to K-010 for ten thousand eros!” The automatic voice of the Officer was ringing in your ear like an alarm while the crowd was shouting and cussing, some going as far as to criticize your new owner for giving up his monthly salary for a “cheap human whore”. Next he was invited on the stage to sign off all the needed documents leading to your freedom being ripped away forever and you were injected with a tiny chip which would make your location visible to your buyer at any given time. The android looked at you soon after and in one swift move he managed to place his leather coat on your shoulders, muttering at you to cover up. You obeyed, embarrassed by the reminder that your upper half was still fully exposed to all the hungry prying immortals. When the chains were finally removed, the robot took you by the hand and led you to a small white flying car with a yellow lily drawn on top – the brand was popular among the most powerful members of the Forces.

 “Don’t even think about running away.” K-010 growled when he noticed the way your attention drifted to the nearby road before finally taking your seat. You knew it was pointless now that the tracking device was deep into your skin but deep down you still couldn’t kill the last bit of hope screaming at you to do something before you were too far away to find home again, wherever it was. “If you so much as look outside while we drive, I will use my lasers to turn you into ash. Okay?” You nodded meekly and sank into the soft comfortable seat, wishing that your body would stop shaking in fear but to no avail.

---

 The journey was long and silent but it made you remember the days when music was still allowed and you used to turn the radio all the way up in your mother’s car. You would sing loudly until your throat hurt and your friends would ask you to just shut up and focus on the road. Everything was so normal and happy back then. The stinging nostalgia threatened to overcome so you tried to focus on something else. You finally faced your owner in an attempt to study his appearance. He was probably in his late twenties, his hair white with some black locks here and there, a fashion trend you usually didn’t care much for. You couldn’t afford to bother with your hairstyle when you were constantly running for your life after all. The robotic male had sun-kissed brown skin, he was taller than most human men and his lips seemed softer than most robots’. But the biggest mystery laid in his deep dark eyes, they looked scarlet at first but the more you stared, the easier it was to realize the color was actually brown.

 “Are you a cyborg, K-010?” You asked in a small voice out of the blue, breaking the peace and quiet in the air. The android didn’t spare you much attention with his gaze fixed onto the open sky serving as a road, still he opened his mouth slightly to respond. “My name is Kyle, the numbers are just a formality.” He inhaled sharply as if he was reminiscing a bad memory. “And yes, I am biologically human – just with a few practical upgrades.” You had heard of such people before, the ones willing to become an experiment so they could join the high society oppressing their own neighbors, friends and relatives, setting the lands on fire and destroying the dying environment but you had never met one until today. Honestly, you felt betrayed. It was one thing to be some unfeeling machine’s plaything and entirely another to be owned by someone with a functioning heart even though they weren’t too keen on using it properly.

 “Why would you do that?” You couldn’t stop the question from leaving your lips in the next moment. “You should know what humans have to go through just to stay alive. Today hundreds of us were crushed and sold like some animals! Yet you changed yourself to appeal to their disgusting standards.” You raised your voice, the hot tears already spilling down your cheeks yet again, your fists clenched in pure anger at the foolish greedy man. He simply shook his head and leaned back. “I had my reasons, sweetheart. You don’t know anything.” With that the conversation had ended, you could try and argue or even blame him for being a selfish bastard but it wouldn’t have done you any good so you decided against it. It didn’t matter much anymore.

----

 A few months went by slowly even though time meant little to someone in your position. Living with Kyle wasn’t as terrible as you thought it would be – his mansion was big and spacious, luxurious even. You had your own room and you were allowed to explore the house in your free time. You didn’t have many duties to attend to, your work mostly revolved around cooking, cleaning and keeping company with your owner when he was too tired to keep the robotic mask on and just wanted something sweet, something weak, something more human around. He didn’t want much out of you so you tried to do your best and stay on his good side – there was always a warm meal waiting at the table at night, every window was carefully wiped from the previous dust and the glass was now shining brightly, and you would listen for hours on end to the cyborg’s ramblings no matter how dreadful it could be sometimes.

 But it couldn’t be denied that the man had some odd habits, even if you were to overlook him buying a living being instead of simply hiring a maid. For example, you knew how thin the walls actually were because you could hear him cry almost every night. The half-robot would hold you close any time the news were too loud or a bottle of beer had fallen and shattered on the ground. Still you weren’t allowed to leave his home so all the doors leading to the outside world were locked while he was away or at work. And there were these weird long cuts on his shoulders you had managed to take notice of the first time your master had asked you to bathe him. You hadn’t meant to prey upon his naked form, but the task had been so awkward you needed something to focus on to drive the unpleasant thoughts away. The injuries looked deep and the man would close his eyes any time the soap made contact with them. Finally one day you gathered the courage to ask him what had caused the raw scratches. You were messaging his scalp gently, applying jasmine in his roots, trying to soothe his nerves and get to the information.

 “ ’S not important. ” K-010 answered lazily while arching his back into your touch. More often than not the male would melt under your care and you couldn’t help but wonder just how lonely it was to be neither a human nor a machine. “She is dead now.” He whispered darkly, secretly hoping it wouldn’t reach your ear, yet it did. “Who is dead?” You questioned him after a while, stroking his wet locks until you heard him moan. You were getting better and better at provoking a reaction from the cyborg and despite knowing it was manipulative and a little devious, he was still the ruthless owner who held your one and only life in his palms. You needed to be sneaky if you wanted a safe, comfortable life.

 “My mother.” Kyle added quickly before looking at the blue ceiling, the glossy material copying both of your reflections. The mention of the woman made the sensitive skin of his nape crawl but he kept talking. “The crazy bitch used to beat me every. She even tried to kill me a couple of times.” A slight smile appeared on his full red lips. “It didn’t work out in the end, unfortunately.” So that’s where the cuts were from – he had been violated in his childhood by no other than the person supposed to look after him. You had always hated abusive parents taking advantage of their authority and even now your own imagination made your heart ache at the picture it painted. A small boy being hit over and over until there his whole body was bruised and bloodied. A child with no one to turn to. It didn’t excuse your master’s evil doing but it certainly explained a lot. “Don’t make such a sad face, darling.” He cooed at you, reaching out to pinch your cheek. “I will always be grateful to the Forces since they gave me the power I needed to finally free myself from her grasp. I even buried her myself after everything was said and done.” Kyle grinned from side to side like a little kid waiting to be praised for the picture they had drawn, except now the man was speaking of the way he had murdered his mother. You were at a total loss of words, suddenly too frightened to respond.

 “What’s so special about being a human anyways?” The cyborg grumbled, sounding almost offended of the words you still haven’t said but were definitely thinking deep down. You were staring forward unable to draw away from that one crack in the wall, his words flying above your head. Your confusion was interrupted by the man quickly raising to his knees and catching both of your hands with his strong robotized ones. The cold touch of the metal combined with the camouflage of a soft skin was enough to mess your mind even further into the maze that was his dark gaze. Next thing you knew the male had you pinned on the hard ground, spotlessly clean and reeking of abstergent. You tried to squirm away but the hold of your wrists was too tight and strong to even make your struggling worth the trouble. “Just look at how weak you humans are.” K-010 taunted you, smirking teasingly, cruelly, yet there was something desperate in his eyes, something hidden. “You are so fragile I could probably break you if I were to press harder on your flesh.” He whispered into your ear, breathing down your neck as he dug his icy fingers into your collarbone and made you whimper pathetically at the dull pain. “People are foolish creatures, illogical by nature. They try to fight authority yet the moment they are left with a free choice, they find a way to run from their responsibilities.” The cyborg chuckled maliciously while digging his nails further into your skin.

 “We might be doomed forever because of our emotions but there is something you fail to consider.” You finally spoke out despite your rapid heartbeat and fear so great it could defeat death herself. The predator already had you in his sharp claws and there was no pointing in playing coy anymore. The worst had come to worst. Your words caught the attention of the half-robot and he licked his lips in anticipation to hear what you had to say. “Unlike the androids we can still experience love. And at the end a life without love is a life wasted in the big picture. We might be mortal but you are the ones waiting to die instead of living.” You spat at the man fiercely, ready to face any punishment he would bestow upon your weak tired body for the sheer honesty. Instead he started laughed maniacally, the sound so loud it hit the ceiling and echoed through the house like a pained scream and so violent his shoulders shook to the sides. For the first time his eyes were glowing in a bright red color so saturated and vivid you couldn’t stand to look at them.

 “This is really funny, my little human.” Kyle pronounced carefully, having calmed down. He lowered his head so that his lips were ghosting over yours, just brushing against them. “I belong with neither humans nor robots so why does my chest ache every time I look at you? Tell me, darling, am I in love?” His voice was harsh, husky – as if he was purposely trying to sound evil but the tears in his eyes pointed at another feeling. A raw painful feeling.

 You couldn’t reply not only because you had no idea what to say after the confession but also because you couldn’t breathe properly with his pretty, wicked face so close to yours. Your silence only managed to stir the cyborg up further into his madness and he kissed you roughly, hungrily lapping and biting at your lips until they were sore and bruised, the robotic man more than happy to lick the small drops of blood off. For a moment you considered kicking or shouting for help but there wasn’t anyone willing to in the radius of kilometers. No one of significance cared much about the few remaining mortals. “I could never love you.” You uttered weakly, half – heartedly pushing the man away. You were all alone in this and there wasn’t really a point in fighting someone so much bigger and stronger, yet a sad little part of you hoped that Kyle would leave you alone if you made it clear enough just how much his actions were hurting you.

  “It’s fine if you don’t love me by choice.” Your master replied calmly in a cold piercing voice. His hands were wandering through your form stopping at your hips to draw them into his. The pretty dress you used to like so much was now crumpled and reeking of him, torn apart from your shivering body and thrown away. You wished you could cry but all the adrenaline had left you too uneasy to process the pain and fear. Kyle whispered in your ear while stroking your hair gently and it made you feel like a trembling sheep before a starved butcher. “I own you, little human.” He placed a small kiss on your hot sensitive neck. “And I have enough love for both of us.”

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 6

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence, and a line that hints at past physical abuse (depending on how you choose to interpret it) Warnings: Mild TW for implied/referenced abuse Notes: Okay so this was supposed to be somewhat therapeutic? But it ended up taking longer to get to that part than I intended, so... Don't worry though, next chapter will be fluffy and also involve more, like, actual Daniela scenes. Previous Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2 Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco

Chapter 6: Elegy

(Elegy: A piece of music in the form of a lament)

When you dream, you do not dream of being locked in a tower, awaiting a kindly knight to come save you. When you dream… you dream of your old home, infested with monsters, nearly unrecognizable. Of being forced to flee, leaving everything you loved behind. Of escaping to a remote, quaint little village, only to end up trapped once again, as friendly faces morph into gaping maws and fangs dripping red. When you dream, it is less a nightmare, more memories retouched, covered in a fresh coat of paint.

Waking up is but a brief source of comfort. One hand goes to your head, rubbing gently, as if you could wipe away all traces of your past. A quick glance around your shared room leaves you confused, but serves as a welcome distraction. Though there are six beds in the room, yours is the only occupied one, the others having all been vacated and made presentable. The only explanation that fit with what you knew was that everyone had gotten up, and gotten to work, without waking you. Panic filled you as you connected the dots, knowing that missing work was a death sentence.

Rushing, you rise to your feet, throwing your dresser open to search for fresh clothes. While the castle’s staff was almost entirely female, the Dimitrescu family didn’t enforce traditional gender presentation, allowing maidens to choose whether to wear a dress or a button-up and trousers. Remembering the wound on your neck, you pause, glancing in the dorm’s singular mirror to inspect your injury. Most of the blood had rubbed off in your sleep (and would likely be a nightmare to clean from the sheets). There were, however, a few spots where dried blood mingled with the protective scab. Considering how late you already were, you didn’t believe you would have time to clean up.

As much as you hated the thought, the best you could do was go for a button-up, hoping the collar would hide the worst of your disastrous appearance. Your hair was another matter entirely, far messier than it normally was, and you struggled to brush/comb it enough to be mildly presentable. Good thing Daniela won’t see me today, you think, remembering her insistence on skipping today’s lesson.

Then you remember the rest of your conversation with her; the yelling, being dragged to your feet, and the pain in her eyes. For a moment you feel woozy, pausing in the middle of buttoning your shirt. Your eyes focus on a spot on the now-closed dresser… and suddenly you wish you had paid more attention when you first woke up. There’s a note stuck to the furniture, clearly addressed to you.

Heard you had some trouble yesterday. We’re just glad you’re alive! A certain someone has been a lot nicer since you started playing the piano, and we’re grateful. To show that, we decided to split your morning duties among ourselves, so you can sleep in. If you’re reading this, then it’s still before 4 AM. Feel free to just relax for a while, or even get some more sleep! We’ll be by to make sure you’re up eventually.

Sincerely,

Daphne, Rosalia, Ygritte, Alexandra, Juniper, and Riley

“I… have… freetime?” You mumbled, still a little drowsy, but now also shocked. This was a complete first for you. Maybe even a first among the servants! Sure, you had been given breaks before, but having a couple hours to do whatever you wanted? No one had ever pulled strings like this for you before. It made your chest feel warm, and you just about forgot the whole mess with Daniela. “I’ll have to find a way to pay them back, even if they think they’re paying me back.” With that said you relaxed a little, no longer rushing getting dressed, though still leaving your neck the way it was. You figured you’d stop by one of the maidens’ restrooms before you officially started your shift.

In the meantime, you knew exactly what you’d be using this time for: finding those damn piano books you had been promised!

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“Let’s see… dust, more dust, a dead spider, even more dust, and- oh shit, the spider is not dead,” you said, barely holding in a yelp as the arachnid scurries away from you. If you had known the attic would be so unclean, you might not have bothered to come up here. So far your targets had alluded you without giving so much as a hint towards their location. The library had seemed a likely location, but you had heard Daniela’s voice within, and anxiety had sent you dashing away. Up here, in an area clearly used for storage above all else, was the next best guess, as far as you were concerned. Still, you hadn’t seen anything worth your time yet.

Just insects, really. Not even terribly interesting ones. Well, there had been a shiny beetle of some sort, but it had crawled into a crack in the wall mere seconds after you saw it. Other than that, though, nothing but creepy crawlies. Creepy flyers?... Both, for sure. One fly in particular kept buzzing around you, weirdly interested in what you were doing.

Somehow you didn’t understand what that meant until a firm hand had wrapped itself around your neck. The grip was tight, putting more than enough pressure to make your vision blur. Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, the culprit didn’t intend to just choke you out. Instead they lift you and toss you aside- casually, at that. You hit the wall with a terrible crashing sound, certain to leave bruises, and narrowly avoid toppling into a stack of heavy crates. So much for enjoying some free time, you think. Stunned for several seconds, you find yourself left helpless as your attacker approaches.

“You’re not allowed to be up here,” a voice snarled, familiar enough to leave you terrified. Of course you had to run into the most violent of the Dimitrescu sisters. “Looking for a way out, hmm? Or are you stupid enough to think we’d leave a weapon where a wretched thing like you could find it?” Cassandra asked, pausing only to send a swift kick your way. A grunt escapes you, leaves you coughing, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as hitting the wall. Despite wanting to curl up and give in, you tried to drag yourself to your feet. Surprisingly, Cassandra makes no move to stop you, perhaps enjoying the sight of you struggling.

“Lady… Daniela… gave me permission,” you said between painful breaths. By the time you’re back on your feet, the vampire before you is watching you with narrowed, albeit curious, eyes. Normally it would take a lot of courage to face her. But you’re exhausted, in pain, and you’ve taken nearly as much hurt from someone who called themselves your lover. It’s not brave to stare down Cassandra, it’s foolhardy. It’s idiotic, really, and yet you find yourself unable to care. “I’m just looking for a couple piano books I’ve been told about, so I can use them to help teach Lady Daniela.”

“Oh? You’re her instructor?” Cassandra asked, a strange smile overtaking her expression. Something in the atmosphere has shifted, dangerously, but you can’t figure out why. Clueless to your self-betrayal, you nod in response. Instantly Cassandra’s smile turns into an open-lipped snarl, and she reaches out to grab you by the shirt, this time slamming you into the wall with her own hands. “Then you’re the reason she kept me up yesterday, crying non stop! I’m going to rip you apart, you vermin.”

The look in her eyes is, most definitely, the scariest thing you had ever seen. It’s feral, inhuman, and unstoppably determined. But when tears fall from your eyes, it’s not because you know you’re about to die. No, it’s because the last thing you think you’ll ever hear is the news that your partner had been sobbing for hours… and that you were the reason why. Your heart aches, both physically and emotionally, as you brace yourself for the bloody end.

Instead, the grip on your clothes loosens. You don’t dare open your eyes to see why.

“What the fuck do you want, sis?” Cassandra asked, sounding like she had turned her head away from you. Before you know it you’ve been let go, and you slide to the ground, too surprised to hold yourself steady. When you look up, you see an irritated Bela pulling Cassandra away from you, whispering something you can’t quite hear. They argue for a minute, under their breath, keen on keeping you out of the loop. Eventually the younger of the two storms away, but not before making a dent in the wall with her fist.

“What a child,” Bela said, rolling her eyes at the display. Then she’s walking back towards you, extending a hand in an offer of assistance (one you gladly accept). “That girl has the foresight of a magic eight ball, I swear. If she had actually killed you… ugh, I can hardly stand to imagine how inconsolable Daniela would become. Then I’d have two insufferable sisters. Regardless, do tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to come up here unaccompanied? It is normally off limits for servants, after all.”

“I-I, well… I mean, firstly thank you for saving me, I had no idea-” Bela holds a finger up in a ‘shut up’ motion, then puts it away as soon as you pause- “right, you don’t care. Look, I was just trying to find the piano books that Lady Dimitrescu mentioned, but I’ve looked all over and I can’t find them, so I should really just go,” you explain, eager to get out of the attic. To your surprise, Bela gives you an odd look before turning away. Then she takes no more than five steps, shifts to the side, and opens an old cabinet. Inside you can see a dozen books of sheet music, notably from several different decades, all worn but still in decent condition. “How did-?... I thought I checked there.”

“Well, you must have been distracted. Nonetheless, you know where they are now, and you owe me twice over. With that in mind… come with me. We have things to discuss,” Bela commanded, walking away before you could protest. All you can do is grab the sheet music, tuck it under one arm, and follow her to who-knows-where.

-----------------------------------------

“I’ll have to have you make my tea more often,” Bela mused, letting the mug keep her hands warm. The two of you were sitting in some sort of study, a room that you had never been inside before. From what you could tell it belonged solely to the eldest Dimitrescu daughter. Inside were several shelves, each filled with well bookmarked collections, a desk next to a massive window, a couple simple chairs, and a few instrument cases. All in all it was an aesthetically pleasing room, organized but not exactly neat. You could certainly imagine Bela spending entire days in this chamber. “Now, why do you think I brought you here?” Her voice brings your focus back into the present moment, as well as sends a spike of anxiety through you.

“Based on what nearly got me killed earlier… Does it have to do with Daniela crying?” You asked, doing your best to indicate just how bad you felt about the subject. No matter how cruel she could be, you did honestly care about Daniela, and even wanted a real, healthy relationship with her. Desire, or willingness, wasn’t the root of the problem by any means. Something told you that Bela understood this, maybe even respected you for it.

“Guess there’s more in that pretty head of yours than air and symphonies, hmm?” Bela replied, laughing a little as she did. It was a far nicer sound than Cassandra’s maniacal giggling, for sure. “Now, I don’t know all the details about what happened- just that there was an argument, clearly a bad one, and Daniela barely made it through dinner before locking herself in her room. Luckily for you, our mother doesn’t seem to know about your little ‘fight’. She’s not sure what upset Dani, and I doubt my sister would tell her, so your secret is safe. Assuming that I blackmailed Cassandra well enough, that is. Anyway, I can’t help you, and by extension my sister, if I don’t know the full story. In case it wasn’t clear, that’s your cue to start talking.”

You’re surprised, admittedly, by a number of things. But Bela seems impatient, so you go over the details of the previous night with her, occasionally pausing to let her ask questions. The whole time her focus is on you, unwavering. There’s also a noticeable lack of judgement in her expression, even when you voice your regret about how you handled the situation, and what is there seems directed more towards Daniela than yourself. Once you finish, Bela releases a deep sigh. One of her hands goes to rub her forehead as if warding off a migraine.

“Well, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised, as much as I wish I could. Daniela’s always had her head in the clouds, and it’s left her tripping over her own feet more than once. Still, this is certainly one of her bigger messes…” Bela said, shaking her head in disbelief. “I’m going to have to talk to her about this, aren’t I? There’s no way she’s going to process this correctly on her own.” This time she seemed to be talking to herself, gaze locked on her tea as if it might suddenly offer to speak to Daniela in her place. When the tea stayed silent, understandably, she returned her focus to you. “You seemed upset, earlier, about this ridiculous situation. I am going to assume, from that, you are genuinely interested in my dear sister. Normally, this would be the part where I drain you of all blood, and possibly keep your skull as a memento... mori. Yours would look lovely on a window sill, I think.”

She pauses, head tilting a little to the side, clearly evaluating your artistic value.

“However, Daniela appears to care about you, far more than her usual fleeting infatuations. So, for now, I have decided not to eviscerate you, you’re welcome,” Bela cooed, teasingly, enjoying the way you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Still, you were glad that you would apparently be surviving the day. “So I’m going to give you some advice, which you will take, and you won’t even owe me anything extra for this. Daniela is in love with the mere concept of love- and she has been for as long as I can remember. Romance novels are practically the only books she reads. It’s… embarrassing, truly. More than that, I get the impression that she couldn’t even begin to describe what love actually feels like. She’s digested so much of that written drivel that it warped her senses. Of course, the, ahem, situation we find ourselves in, here at the castle, has undoubtedly added to this effect.

“To get to the point, Daniela’s terribly, hopelessly clueless when it comes to things like what she wants from you. And so I take it upon myself, as her older sibling, to ensure that you understand. Moreso, that you are not dissuaded. If this is an actual chance for her to experience real romance, then it could make her happier than I’ve ever seen her,” Bela explained. The look in her eyes was incredibly soft, to the point where it made you realize just how much this odd little family cared for each other. “Don’t give up, don’t let her occasional infuriating antics push you away. Given enough time… I think the two of you could, I suppose, compliment each other quite nicely. But if you break her heart? I will pull yours from your chest and eat it raw. Understood?” Gulping, you nodded quickly, ignoring the feeling of heat rushing to your cheeks. It was one thing for Bela to want her sister to be happy, but another thing entirely for her to acknowledge your “suitability” for the position. “Good. Now return to whatever it is you maidens normally do. I have a sister to talk sense into.”

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Hours later, you stand alone in a display room, dusting various relics from bygone times. A trophy here, a bizarre art piece there, strange, unlabeled tools you can’t quite imagine are for wine-making. It’s a fascinating collection, really. But your mind is focused on other, far softer things. All you can think about is what Bela had told you, about how Daniela really is interested in you, and how she thought the two of you could make it work. After the chaos earlier in the day, this was exactly what you needed. Just some time to yourself, working quietly, thoughts all to yourself. Even your bruises bother you less, the pain fading out into the background. Considering where you are, though, it is not at all surprising that your peace cannot last. As soon as you finish your task you move towards the exit.

The door swings open, outwards, at your touch, only to reveal a familiar figure reaching for the doorknob. Both of you gasp, taken by surprise, before your gazes meet. Of course it’s Daniela. Who else would you bump into right now?

“I thought about what you said,” she blurts, suddenly, eyes wide and hands shaking. “We need to talk, yeah?”

[bunnirs]

Someone To Fight For

Y/N L/N is the last remaining Kurta, fueled by hatred for the Phantom Troupe. They’ll do anything to eradicate their existence, even if it means dying in the process.

Kurapika Kurta X Reader

Word Count: 3,353

Your motives were clear as day. Kill the Phantom Troupe, and then yourself.

Murder was something you weren’t proud of, and would never be. That is why, to atone for your sins, you would end your life after you murdered the very people who slaughtered your tribe.

The Kurta were known to be peaceful. They were stubborn, but truly harmless. That’s why they never stood a chance against the Phantom Troupe. What or Who is the Phantom Troupe you ask? It’s a group of disgusting lowlife thieves who steal whatever they lay their eyes on. At that time, it had been the Scarlet eyes that defined your Tribe.

How you escaped was beyond your luck. They must not have noticed that you slipped away, running for your life. It must have been the fact that they were too busy gouging out the eyes of your tribe, your family. Maybe your people’s screams were so loud they couldn’t hear your sobbing, or maybe they didn’t care. Afterall, you were only a child.

That was the day you realized that your world would never be the same. That was the day you realized that you would never be able to walk freely without knowing that they were dead. So you trained, you killed, and you bled. You cried during your sleep as your nightmares materialized the very bodies of your fallen comrades, their eyes filled with endless black voids, forever missing.

As you grew up, you became stronger than you would’ve imagined. Your rage had grown over the years, silencing the screams of your past. Even as they calmed, they still rang in your ears. The begging, the crying, the screaming. It all stuck, only to be relieved at the death of their oppressors.

As the last Kurta, you had to fulfill their wish, or die trying.

That led you to now, as you stood on the roof of an abandoned building on the quieter side of Yorknew City. You had been tracking the Phantom Troupe for days now as they gathered around the Auction that was to last through September. It was the perfect time, seeing as the troupe seemed to separate regularly to satisfy their needs. You just had to pick them off one by one.

Even if their abilities were a secret, you had gotten to know their personalities and that was enough.

The numbers of whom you were watching, were #1 and #3, also known as Nobunaga and Machi. They didn’t seem to be the most dangerous of the Spiders, but even so, you could NEVER underestimate them. These monsters killed your people after all, and that wasn’t the easiest task.

Hours into your endeavor, you began to notice that you were not alone. Two more people had joined you in stalking the troupe members. From the looks of it, they seemed to be two ordinary children, besides the fact that they could effortlessly hide their aura. Would it be enough to stay hidden from their victims? Probably not.

That’s all it took for you to get closer to the two troupe members, almost afraid that the kids would get to them first. You were not afraid for yourself, no, more for them than anything. If they got noticed, they could easily be hurt, or worse, killed. It didn’t matter who killed them, it could very well be you. If they got in your way, you may not be able to restrain yourself. You had been planning this for months, and if they ruined it now, you’d be beyond pissed.

More time had passed, but that didn’t matter. Everything seemed to go by in seconds for you, your heart almost beating out of your chest as the two of the children disappeared into separate buildings. You grew nervous, hoping to whatever god there was, that the children knew what they were doing. But your prayers went unanswered, seeing as the two troupe members, Machi and Nobunaga, caught on to the children’s aura, disappearing into the very building the children had hidden in.

That’s when you decided to throw in the towel. You couldn’t stay hidden and wait till they disposed of the children, you needed to do something, and the human in you begged to help. And that’s what you did. You jumped from roof to roof, landing on the building the green boy had gone in. As soon as you landed on the ceiling, you jumped off the edge, swinging yourself through the window. As soon as you did that, your feet had met the back of the pink haired troupe member, Machi.

Much to your dismay, Troupe Member #9, Pakunoda, was also present, blocking the doorway of the child. That really pissed you off. You hadn’t noticed her, and she could’ve been tailing you this whole time, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Her aura was also joined by another, making four troupe members present. The other was most likely taking care of the other child, alongside Nobunaga.

As you disregarded your realization, you grabbed the child’s arm, skidding to the other side of the room, glancing between Pakunoda and Machi, whose face was still plastered into the ground.

“Who are you?” The boy asked, his voice in a low whisper, obviously skeptical of you.

“Your friend.” You murmured, letting go of his arm as it tensed. Hoping he got the hint, you stepped in front of him, almost in a protective stance. “Honestly, I thought I warned you about sneaking up on people.” You glanced at him, winking, hoping to god he wasn’t as dense as he looked.

He seemed to understand, nodding his head firmly. He let out a nervous laugh, putting his hand on his neck, scratching it. “I’m sorry, I just got carried away! They were worth a lot of money.. and me and Killua couldn’t resist!”

“You really are an idiot..” You grimaced, hitting his head softly, mentally kicking yourself for the display of affection. So they were in this for money.. how.. unoriginal. Of course they had bounties on their head, it wasn’t a surprise to you. They were crazed thieves who picked fights with the mafia, so it was a no brainer they pissed people off. But for kids to get involved? That was a load of bullshit.

Through the conversation you had with Gon, Machi had pushed herself up, dusting off her outfit and holding her nose. It definitely looked bruised, if not broken. This wasn’t going to be easy to get out of.

“So, you two.. know each other?” She questioned, an eyebrow raised. “I knew there were two of you, but I had no idea there was a third. Bad judgment on my part. Paku, we have room in the car for three right?”

Pakunoda hummed, nodding a yes to her question. “So they’re after us because of money? Seems a little… risky don’t you think?”

“Kids are kids.” Machi looked at her, and then stared directly at you. “We won’t have another problem will we? I really don’t want to have to kill you in front of a child.”

“The same goes to you.” You responded, shifting your weight to your other leg, crossing your arms. “So, what's this I hear about a car?”

“Well, we’re obviously not going to let you go.” Machi glanced between Gon and you, a small smirk growing on her face. “We’ll bring you back and let the boss decide on what to do with you.”

You only shrugged, glancing at the kid, whose eyes widened. You could guess he didn’t expect to get caught. You almost laughed as you ruffled his hair, hoping to comfort him. You wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him and his friend, that was for sure.

As you were loaded into the car, you could tell the white haired boy, known as Killua, was questioning your well-being. You wouldn’t blame him, not at all. You’re messing with dangerous people, and you can’t expect to trust anyone. The kid that you helped seemed to look at his friend, almost having a conversation with their eyes. That’s all it took for Killua to glance back at you, his eyes losing their hostility, and a small smile formed.

That quickly vanished when the members of the Troupe began to speak. You blocked them out, staring out of the window, watching the surrounding area become less urban. You were sure they said something regarding you, but you couldn’t care less to listen. They didn’t deserve your attention. Not now at least. You were sure that you ticked them off, seeing as one of them kept glaring at you. You hadn’t done anything yet and they were already tired of you. Good.

Time seemed irrelevant now, as everything seemed to go as it came. You were now in the base of the Phantom Troupe, the Spider tattooed freaks who slaughtered your people just for the sake of their eyes. You almost wanted to throw up as you looked at them, they weren’t scary...just ugly.

To your dismay, they decided to take the kid whose name was Gon, and force him to arm wrestle the members. You could tell he was in pain, and no matter what his friend tried to do, the Troupe was one step ahead.

What was odd, was the fact that Nobunaga was hellbent on letting the kids join. What was in store for you? You had no idea, and you didn’t care. You only leaned against the wall, picking at your fingernails, making sure they were in a clean disposition. Some of the troop members watched you, and that only made your smile widen. You hoped they remembered every inch of your face, so they could be haunted by it even in death.

“So, Pakunoda, when you scanned the three of them… what did you see?” One of the members who you recognized as Feitan Portor, Troupe member #2, asked. He said it while looking at you, holding Gon by his arms, his body bent over the table. To you, it looked wrong, but you couldn’t really suppress your opinion.

“They don’t know each other.” Pakunoda said, your eyes widening as you stared at her. Her power must be something like reading minds.. or seeing people’s memories.

“That’s odd, they pretended too.” Machi said, her voice laced with amusement. “So, you just pretended to know him?” She said, moving her gaze towards you.

“Yeah.” You said blatantly, dropping your hand from your face, the dirt now removed. “I have no idea who these kids are. What I do know, is that you guys are going to die. Doesn’t have to be today, but it will happen. I’ll make sure of it.”

They all stopped what they were doing, staring at you. Killua and Gon had stopped breathing for a second, their eyes widening as they stared at you. Wrong move.

The Spiders turned to each other, laughter erupting from their throats. It would have bothered you had you been cornered, but you knew how to deal with them. You had trained for four years, just to kill them. It wasn’t going to stop now.

“No one’s that stupid to openly admit to wanting to kill us… so you either must be stupidly strong… or just stupid in general.” Feitan said again, tightening his grip on Gon.

“Call it what you want.” You said, sliding down to the ground, your back to the wall. “But this is a warning.” Your eyes narrowed, glancing at the members. “You don’t know who I am, but I know all about you. Do what you want with that of course.” You leaned your head back, looking at the ceiling before closing your eyes. Your aura vanished, and your eyes narrowed, a red glow emitting from them. “Just know that I’m always watching.” After that, the red vanished, and you closed your eyes.

Of course anyone in a situation like this would never willingly fall asleep, seeing as you are open and vulnerable. But of course, you weren’t normal. Your nen ability was perfect for this situation.

You called your Nen Ability: Relentless Increase. The more someone damaged you, the stronger and more immune you became. This caused a huge amount of power to build up inside of you, leaving you stronger than ever. Torture didn’t work on you, seeing as halfway through it, you were numb to the feeling and could easily overtake your assailant. So with this, you could easily stand by while the Troupe watched you. Of course, they had no idea about what you could do, so it was smart to stand by.

Your instincts were proven true, seeing as they didn’t even try to touch you. Instead, most of the members left, leaving you with the two kids and Nobunaga. It almost irritated you. This Nobunaga dude seems confident in his skills, thinking he could take care of the three of you if you tried to escape. Of course, the children proved him wrong.

They had a plan up their sleeve, and it actually worked. While you sat in the room, they broke through the wall, running in opposite directions. Since you didn’t follow their example, Nobunaga seemed to trust you. First mistake on his part.

When he left you unsupervised, you took the opportunity to break out yourself. By the time he had lost the kids, you were long gone. As you ran, you expected someone to come after you, but instead, you found the kids high tailing it out of the surrounding fence. You laughed a little, running alongside them for a while. They seemed to be high in spirit, despite the fact that they were just held against their will by a dangerous group of thieves. Kids these days never failed to surprise you.

Sure, your plan failed, but at least you got knowledge on the Troupe, as well as two kids who might know something important about them too.

On your walk into YorkNew, the three of you had made small talk, getting to know each other. It seemed to be a smooth conversation, until Killua brought up your eyes

“So… Y/N.” Killua narrowed his eyes, focusing on the ground in front of him, his hands fumbling in his pockets. “Your eyes…”

“Ah yes.” You mused, kicking a loose stone from in front of you. “What about them?”

“When they turned red…. are you by chance…?” He didn’t finish, finding the conversation almost too awkward to continue. He didn’t want to press any wrong buttons with you.

“A Kurta?” You finished for him, your eyes slightly narrowing at the word. “Yes. The last one.” You could feel the water building up in your eyes, threatening to spill.

“No you're not.” Gon said suddenly, confusion lacing his tone of voice.

That shocked you, causing you to choke on the saliva that built up in your throat. The tears in your eyes were forced out, and you suddenly fell to your knees, uncontrollable sobs leaving your throat.

“Great going Gon! Look what you did you idiot!” Killua berated him, hitting him across the head.

You clenched your fists, the sand and dirt from the road coated your palms. You began to laugh as your tears fell, washing away the loose build up on your knuckles. For the first time in a while, a genuine smile formed on your lips, your laugh gaining in hysterics. You looked crazy, but at that moment, you didn’t care. You weren’t alone.

“...I think.. we broke her.” Gon muttered.

“We?! I didn’t do anything!” Killua yelled in his face, pointing at you.

“Well you brought it up!” Gon reprimanded, knocking his hand away from you.

You slowly stood up, your legs shaking, tears continuing to fall from your face. You raised your dirt covered arm, wiping the liquid from your face, grime replacing it. “S-so… where is this… other Kurta?”

“Oh, right! Kurapika is in Yorknew right now!” Gon smiled, pointing at the city on the horizon. “He’s actually our friend! And to be honest, we were just about to go see him!”

Your face brightened, the setting sun shining down on you. “...Can I… can I join you?”

Killua and Gon stayed quiet for a moment, before large grins appeared on their faces.

“I don’t see why not. As long as you're not an idiot, you should be just fine. There’s only room for one of those around here.” He giggled, poking Gon in the side.

“Yeah! We’d love for you to join us!” Gon gave you a thumbs up, before looking over at Killua. “Wait Killua, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing! Come on slowpoke!” Killua yelled, running ahead of the two of you.

“Oh you’re so on!” Gon cheered, running after him, before skidding to a stop, looking back at you. “Come on! Wouldn’t want to lose ya!”

“Are you calling me slow?” You inquired, raising an eyebrow. “Well then, I suppose I don’t want to get lost.” You rolled your eyes, playing along with him. That’s when you started to run alongside Gon, laughing as he tried to tag Killua.

A few days passed, and it was the day that Kurapika was meeting up with Gon and Killua. It was the day that you’d finally get to see another Kurta, after four long years.

The day seemed to go on forever, only getting slower as the time grew near. Time never liked you it seemed. It made important, peaceful moments go by so fast you couldn’t even keep track of everything. But when you wanted to get over with something, it seemed to slow down just to spite you. It took four years just for you to learn that you weren’t alone, and maybe it’ll take forever just to see him. But In all honesty.. you could wait decades if it meant restoring the missing piece in your soul.

The time finally came around, and you finally saw him. He was tall, blonde, and had dark eyes. You could tell they were contacts, seeing as nothing could compare to the natural beauty of a Kurta’s irises. Just by the look of him, you already felt the welcoming warmth of home.

He made eye contact with you, and for a split second he became confused. That vanished when he saw the tears spilling from your eyes, and the red creeping up onto your normally dark irises. From the overbearing emotion you felt, your true scarlet eyes revealed themselves to him, and that was all it took for him to come running towards you.

He enveloped you into a hug, it was so tight that he was afraid you would vanish before his eyes. But you were there.. and you were real. Your eyes were real.

“....Kurapika..” you managed to breathe out, the air being stolen from you as he smothered you.

He immediately let go, letting out a formal apology. “I- I’m sorry..” he muttered, his face red from embarrassment. “I just got…”

“Overwhelmed?” You finished the sentence for him, a small smile creeping onto your face.

“Yeah.. that’s the word.” He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

You giggled, finding his reaction amusing. “I understand completely.”

Killua and Gon were giggling as they whispered to each other, the two of them running off a split second later. That left the two of you alone.

“Do you want to.. catch up?” He suddenly said, ignoring the two boys that had left in a hurry. He knew they had done this on purpose, and he was thankful. For once he was glad they left, because now, he had you.

“You know what...” You smiled, your hand on your chin as you pretended to think of an answer. “I’d like that.”

Just for a moment, your rage had softened.. and you had someone to live for.

Taglist:

@tokoyamis-luv @imsloan

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences

Words: 2.2K~

Summary: A series of shorts detailing what might’ve happened in the moments after I Am My Monster, told from six different points of view.

Greg apparently had a LOT on his mind, because this was supposed to be short and instead it’s over 2000 words, ahah. Final chapter!

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

Chapter warning: Allusions to past non-canon character suicide.

____

Chapter 6: Greg

Hours pass.

Bismuth makes quick and quiet work of replacing the cracked slider door in Steven’s room while he sleeps, and secures a thick tarp over the open front of the house to keep the coastal breeze somewhat at bay until she can finish her repairs to the windows and siding. She warns that might take a day or two. Garnet, meanwhile, busies herself the rest of the afternoon and evening fielding all of the Diamonds’ frazzled calls, and reassuring them of the boy’s current stability. Pooling their knowledge, Dr. Maheswaran and Peridot make sure to confirm that. Beyond some minor scarring, neither his organic or Gem half seems to exhibit any serious physical health conditions in consequence of what happened today, news which works to ever so slightly lift the air of the household. With no other concrete tasks to complete, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Connie, and Greg all rotate between sweeping debris off the floor, wandering the beach to mentally recuperate, and dutifully sitting at Steven’s side as he rests. It may not sound like a lot, but alas the level of emotional labor demanded by such a situation is immense.

All in all, the sun’s long since dipped below the horizon by the time Greg finally collapses onto the mattress laid out in the back of his van, craving if but a moment of privacy and respite from all the chaos. It’s been... an insufferably long day, to put it lightly. Busy. Tons of cleaning, and intercepting nosy neighbors, and bedside monitoring...

He offered to take the first night shift watching Steven a few minutes ago, but Pearl must’ve noticed the dark circles creeping ever wider under his eyes, because she proceeded to gently overturn his offer and remind him of humanity’s daily sleep requirement. And she’s right, of course. He can’t stay up as long as he used to in his twenties anymore. Plus, he probably deserves some time to himself after everything that’s transpired. There’s plenty of Gems left in the house who can keep watch, after all. Steven will be fine for a few hours. Surely nothing else can happen when he’s asleep, right?

 Right??

Exhaustedly slumping against the side wall, Greg offers a glassy, vacant stare at the contacts list of his phone, roughly wiping the damp from his cheeks with his other hand as his thumb hovers over one of the numbers. Does he dare drag someone else into this whole situation? Surely the kinder solution would be to refrain from widening the circle any more, from letting anyone else learn about today’s harrowing events. And yet if he fails to find a proper outlet for the raw emotions all of this has violently hauled to the surface, he fears he just may suffer a mental break himself, repressed memories bursting like a vicious flood through the dam he desperately tried to seal them behind all those years back. Much of this is just... far too familiar.

His phone slips right through his trembling hands as the cruel reality of what he witnessed today finally begins to carve its indelible presence in his mind. A strained sob leaking from between his tightly pursed lips, he buries his head between his knees, clutching at the worn bottom hem of his jean shorts like an infant to a parent’s finger. Small. Vulnerable.

Helpless.

His son... oh stars, his only son, he—

He can’t talk about any of this to the Gems; they wouldn’t wholly grasp the uniquely human nature of his concerns. And he doesn’t feel comfortable discussing these matters with Dr. Maheswaran, especially not after the stern words she dealt to him back at the hospital. He’s burdened her enough already, by this point. No, there’s only one fellow human he feels close enough with to engage in this sort of conversation.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he reaches for the phone he dropped on the mattress. Turns it on. Nervously clamps down on his bottom lip as he selects his cousin’s contact and dials.

The passing heartbeats slamming against his ribs are almost nauseating in their needy clamor as he waits, his calloused fingers tapping against the thick rubber of his phone case. Andy’s never been a particularly tech savvy guy, so honestly, it’s well within reason he might not even carry his phone on his person to answer. And that’d be fine, really. In fact, he might even prefer it, since he’s still not confident he’s emotionally prepared to discuss any of this at this precise moment, anyways. But just as he’s beginning to undergo mental preparations for what on Earth he might leave as a voicemail message, his older family member finally picks up.

“Greg?” Andy’s gravelly voice rings through, sounding somewhat tinny through their connection. “Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? How’s the ol’ Universe family unit doin’?”

“Not great, honestly,” he narrowly manages in response, his throat constricting tight. “That’s kinda why I’m calling, if you have the time to listen?”

“Heh. I’m a drifter, you know I ain’t got no schedule. Carry on.”

“Well... geeze, how do I put this. There was, uh... a bit of an incident today. With Steven.”

“An incident?” his cousin questions, marked worry immediately painting his tone. “The kid okay??”

He falls silent for a few seconds upon this question, threading his hyperactive digits through the split ends in his hair on automatic, a stress-induced habit. “Unclear,” he says, a slight quiver making itself intimately known in his words. “I mean, physically, at the moment, yes, but—“

He cuts off once more. It suddenly occurs to him that little of today’s events would make sense to Andy without providing the appropriate context. Or, at least, what little context he’s capable of giving as a father. It’s still terrifying to admit the truth to himself— that he doesn’t possess the full story. That he hasn’t been paying close enough attention. That, in many ways, he willfully blinded himself to all the troubling events transpiring around his son throughout the years, foolishly believing that if he didn’t involve himself... that if he simply stayed out of the Gems’ hair... everything would go to plan, and Steven would finally receive the training he needed. He didn’t expect things would grow so complicated.

He didn’t expect that his teenage son would have to march into battle carrying nothing but his wits and a shield time and time again.

With a weary sigh and a quick apology, to which Andy brushes off, Greg begins to weave a verbal picture of everything that’s transpired across the last few days. First, the hospital call. Rushing home from tour, only to find his son giant and flushed pink, literally filling an entire room with the sheer volume of his trauma. The shattered x-ray in his chart, hinting towards hidden hurts that— before all this— even Steven seemingly hadn’t processed or quantified. Then, the road trip. The unwanted reminders of his childhood. That blasted CD. His expression sobers as he describes the fateful argument they had on the road home, one which lead to his son accidentally breaking the steering wheel and flipping the van. Next... his disappearance. No texts for four whole days, which is so unlike him. He was worried sick. And the next time he saw him, he was eight feet tall, glowing, and painfully manic in behavior, with each new sentence spilling from his mouth revealing an even more heartbreaking picture of the sort of poor mental state he’d spiraled into. It was nothing short of a father’s worst nightmare, propelled into horrifying, vivid reality.

Nothing in this corner of the galaxy could’ve prepared him for the primal surge of terror and anguish he was engulfed within when that nightmare distorted and transformed even further.  

His only son... colossal and coated in thick scales and spines, sclera black as night... roughly clawing at this unfamiliar form, smashing his skull against the cliffside, roaring with an inner pain so primal that the sound now haunts the depths of his very soul—

“I- you remember what happened with cousin Jo, back when we were young?” Greg says softly once he’s caught Andy up with the details of situation, his voice frail and unsteady, the tone of a man helplessly marooned amidst his anxieties. “Before she was sent to that mental rehab place? Well, I’m... with the addition of Gem magic, it almost felt like that. I mean, h-he’s fine for now, we have him resting, but... but I’m just so scared he won’t come out of this, like her, a-a-and that one day he’ll—“

A mewling sob bubbles up in his throat, swiftly severing that train of thought. N-no. No, he refuses to even utter that horrible idea out loud! After all, a world without Steven in it isn’t worth envisioning.

Andy’s eventual response— albeit tinged with a justified shade of awkwardness, given the emotionally charged nature of this conversation— is filled with genuine compassion, and for that he’s dearly thankful.

“Aw, hell... Greg, I’m- I’m so sorry. I, uh- I could fly over, if any of ya’ need me? For emotional support, or whatever?”

Upon this kind offer, he inhales deep to steady his breath, and wipes away dewy beads of moisture from the corner of his eyes, desperately hoping that he can mitigate the pitiful wavering of his voice over the phone. He’s gotta fight to reliably keep some form of composure in front of other people, damnit. His kid can’t have his dad breaking down around him too, of course.

“No, you’ve got places to be,” he replies evenly, pressing his thumb and pointer against one of his aching temples. “I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You ain’t asking,” he retorts, the eye-roll evident in his tone. “I’m offering. Listen- family takes care of family, y’hear? And I’m only about a day’s flight away, anyways. It’s really the least I could do.”

He sighs. Absentmindedly tugs at a thick strand of his hair. Offers a long, contemplative stare at the rickety age-worn handle affixed to the inside of the van’s back doors. Truth be told— ignoring his deep-seated guilt at dragging Andy into all this to begin with— he’d love having another family member around to embrace, especially a human one who can more deeply understand the crux of his anxieties about this delicate situation. But in the end, he shouldn’t be prioritizing his own feelings and comfort. He’s not the one in crisis, his son is.

Desperately hoping he’s making the right choice, Greg flexes his fingers, and acquiesces to the offer, on one condition: only if Steven consents to having visitors, once he’s awake.

Andy hums in approval. “Understood. Don’t wanna overload the poor guy with any surprise visits, or whatever.”

“Yeah. The last thing I want to do is push him too hard, too fast.”

He pauses, braving waves of parental grief to spend a moment to reflect on Steven’s emotional progression over the past few months... a stray negative comment here, an unusually forlorn mannerism there... All of them events that, in isolation, wouldn’t point to anything more than your standard ‘teenage angst,’ but when observed in strong, unceasing patterns, begin to reveal deeply harrowing truths about the state of an individual’s self-image. How did he never notice? Why wasn’t he there to catch him in his fall?

“I think he hates himself,” he says quietly, his voice hitching up at the end. “He didn’t say so directly, but- but I can sense it. And I don’t know how to help him, I-I... I don’t know if I can.”

“Nonsense,” his cousin scoffs, “‘course ya’ know what to do! What does any good father worth their salt give their sons?”

Unable to evade the momentary temptation of feeling miserable and sorry for himself, he slumps back against the wall, giving a weak shrug that his current audience would never see.

“I dunno, maybe a stable, safe childhood? Not growing up poor as dirt in a van?”

“No, you numbskull,” Andy immediately cuts back, “you love on ‘em and support ‘em just as much as you always have! Y’ show him that you’re always gonna be there for him, and that he can trust you with anything.”

“But I haven’t always been there for him,” he exclaims petulantly. “That’s the whole problem! That’s one of the reasons he ended up like this.”

“Greg,” he says, his voice softer this time. “Listen to me, ain’t nobody perfect, okay? We’ve all made our mistakes with people. Me? More than most. But what we can’t do is let those mistakes cloud what’s happening right now. Y’know, that’s one of the hard lessons I’ve had to learn over the past two years, that you can’t always make things about you. Because right now, it’s about him. He’s dealin’ with some hard feelings, and he needs all of our help. So, let’s help him. Together. We’ll start with one foot in front of us, and we can take it from there. All right?”

Closing his weary, exhausted eyes and pressing his thumb firm against his still-aching temple, Greg Universe gives a long sigh and finally concedes to the reality that— just as he’s not solely responsible for the decline of his son’s mental state— no man should be an island when it comes to the task of supporting one’s journey towards recovery. As with everything, the extended Universe family unit will face the future together, hand-in-hand. Step-by-step.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Yeah, I think that’s do-able.”

[dany-is-my-queen]

Born To Be Yours | Part VIII

Sansa Stark x Fem! Baratheon! Reader (Daenerys Targaryen x Fem! Baratheon! Reader eventually)

Season 1-8

Word Count: 2,165

Note: Leave your thoughts please! 💛

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.9

“I don’t want to leave King’s Landing! What about you and Tommen? No one can separate us! Please Y/N, I don’t want to go to Dorne.” Myrcella was weeping holding you tight by the waist.

“You’ll be safer in Dorne, little one. It’s dangerous if you stay. I promise you I’ll visit Sunspear as soon as I can. They will give you a warm welcome. Nothing bad is going to happen, okay?” You keep saying to ease her worries. She’ll be just fine, you thought.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“You are my sister. We’ll be in each other’s hearts till the end of time.” You wiped her tears.

“Princess Y/N, Princess Myrcella.” Sansa greeted you. Another two courtiers arrived to be with her.

“Lady Sansa, I love your dress! Did you make it yourself?” Myr announced.

“Yes, princess.” She chuckled.

“You should teach me how to do this beautiful stitching. Sadly we don’t have the time.”

“I’ll send you a golden gown as a present on your nameday” She grinned and went off to play hide & seek with the ladies. “You are going to miss your sister.” Sansa said.

“A lot. But I know it has a purpose. She’s strong.” You nodded.

“Just like you. I miss Arya. We had a complicated relation, she was always so annoying and I was a brat. I should have cherished the moments we had together. She’s out there all alone.” With a sad voice she spoke.

“We will find her.”

“May I ask you something?” She doubtfully inquired.

“Anything.”

“You don’t like to be around Joffrey?”

“No. And I’m glad he hardly ever request my presence. We had a messy childhood. I’ve been closer to my siblings since they were born. They brought light to my life. There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for them.”

“I admire you, Y/N.” You smiled.

“Lady Sansa, do you fancy poetry?”

“I do! It’s very romantic.”

“Well, I’m happy to hear that. I made you a poem... you inspired me. Here it goes...

Big vivid blue eyes

Gentler than the ocean sea

Long silky auburn locks

Warmer than a sunset

This a lady, a lady who will own the world.”

You created it the very first day you meet her, of course, you wouldn’t recite it to her when you barely knew each other. It was way too short but it meant something.

“Woah... Y/N I’m speechless. You are so sweet. I don’t deserve a friend like you.” Right, friend.

“Of course you do.” You said. She kissed your cheek the same way you kissed hers the other night. Swiftly and subtly. Gods it felt so good. If anyone was watching they could see how blushed you two were.

“May I ask specifically what the King has in mind?” Tyrion was weary of his sister’s stubbornness.

“You may, specifically, or you may ask vaguely. The answer will be the same.” She nonchalant answered.

“It’s important we talk about this.” He insisted.

“It’s the King’s royal prerogative to withhold sensitive information from his councilors.” Cersei was looking from the balcony to the gardens the longing stare Sansa had on you. You watched with a heavy heart over the younger princess so you weren’t paying much attention. The Queen Regent didn’t like the idea of that kind of closeness between you both. She didn’t suspect anything either, not more than devotion the northern lady held for Y/N. Still, it bothered her you always stood up for her. “That whore should stay away from my daughter.” She declared.

“Why? It seems they get along pretty well, your son loves to torture her. She found someone who treats her right. I don’t quite understand the reason you’re mad about it.”

“She’s poisoning her. Manipulating her. Y/N is so naive. That girl thinks she has her under her claws at her disposition.”

“What you are saying doesn’t make any sense. They are just girls. What harm can they do to each other?

“Will you send her away as well? Maybe you should have considered Y/N instead of Myrcella.”

“You haven’t changed a bit. Still so bitter and distant with Y/N. She knows how to fight, how to defend herself. She’s brave. Just like her father Robert Baratheon was. Only three of your four children are sane. But I’m really curious about this... how can you put one of them above the other? Being so hurtful with your actions and your words, Y/N experienced that. Where were you when she needed you the most?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I love her. In my own way. She’s my blood, and for good or for bad, blood is for life.” Tyrion let out a tired sighed of disbelief. Then he left.

“My friend...” Varys approached you.

“What news, Lord Varys?”

“Your uncle Renly. He’s dead.”

“How?”

“He was stabbed in the heart. Some say it was Lady Catelyn Stark, his own Kingsguard, and others Stannis Baratheon himself. We don’t know for sure.” You knew this was a high possibility due to the quarrel between Stannis and Renly, though it was soon you were pretty sad about the fact he’s gone. He was always good to you.

It was the day Myrcella was leaving home to be in an unknown place. She was terrified, truth be told you were too but you had to remain strong and positive.

“My lioness, I’m sure the next time we see each other you’ll be even more beautiful. Five years, twenty years, we’ll always be the same.” You were trusting Dorne to take care of her.

“Just a bit older. Who is going to stay with me when I have a nightmare or when-“

“As father told me, don’t be scared even in the face of danger. You will never be alone. I love you.” You kissed her forehead bidding her goodbye.

“Promise you will never forget about me Y/N.”

“I promise.”

“May the seven guide the princess on her journey...”

Tommen was sobbing, the septa cleaned his face. You held him whispering she was going to be safe and soon enough you’ll be seeing her again.

“You sound like a cat meowing for his mother. Princes don’t cry.” Joffrey hissed with his arms folded. You were to busy comforting your baby brother to pay him any attention.

“I saw you cry.” Sansa blunted out.

“Did you say something, my lady?” He turned to her.

“My little brother cried when I left Winterfell.”

“So?”

“It seems a normal thing.”

“Is your little brother a prince?”

“No?”

“Not really relevant, isn’t it?” He irritably replied.

“Some people care for their siblings, you don’t care for any of us. That’s why you are so stone-hearted about it.” You kept looking at Myrcella almost gone boat. He gave you a withering look before walking. Sansa was emotionless, perhaps because of her younger brothers, Bran and Rickon. Hopefully, they were alright.

“Come, dog.”

You followed the guards. In the hall, a crowd started to yell things at the King. Tommen was taken back to the Keep while your mother and you stayed close to each other, she held your hand.

“Hail to the King!”

“Murderer! Bastard!”

“Please your grace, we are hungry!”

Suddenly a piece of cow excrement was thrown to his arrogant face. “Who threw that? I want the man who threw that! Find him and bring him to me! Kill them! Kill them all!” Sansa handmaidens were keeping her close. The Lannister guardsmen shielded you and Cersei while the folk tried to get to your eldest brother. They were rioting, it was chaos.

“Move, move!” Tyrion ducked his head. You tried to follow the tall girl but she left your sight.

You entered a big gate to safety. “Where’s the Stark girl?” Tyrion shouted.

“Let them have her!” Joffrey furiously screamed.

Wasting no time you ran to the exit not caring about the riot happening outside.

You entered a short corridor, almost tripping by your feet. When you found her she was on the ground with her clothes ripped off, crying while trying to break free from the man’s grip.

“Have you ever been fucked?” You heard the disgusting person say.

“Take your hands off her!” You pushed one of them and hit him. The other flee and the last punched you in the stomach and then slapped you. The northerner was terrified. In that precise moment, before you kept fighting, The Hound arrived and spun the leader down, then disemboweled him, the second begged for mercy, resulting in him cutting his throat. He first offered to help you what you refused so he could carry the Stark girl. She was in shock.

Now you were in the gated area. You heavily sighed. “The Princess is hurt! So is the little bird.”

“Thank you, Sandor.” He nodded.

“Y/N! Are you alright? Did the assailants do something to you?” Tyrion worriedly asked you.

“No, no I’m fine.” You shook your head, trying to catch your breath.

“That was stupid.”

“Well, Joffrey is a slow thinker.”

“Your mother is going to be so angry about this.”

“I don’t care, uncle. You know it.” You smiled at him and he shook his head in disapprove. “My lady. They will take you back to the Red Keep. I will personally treat your wounds okay?”

“You already have done too much, my princess. I-“

“Please.” She nodded. “I’ll be with you in a few moments.”

You entered Cersei’s chambers, she was expecting you. Both hands on her waist. “What the hell were you thinking?! Are you an idiot? I’ve sent one of my daughters away and now the other is almost raped and killed the same day!” She was all hysterical.

“Mother, your son wasn’t deciding. Someone had to. Without Lady Sansa we’ll never see Jaime again. I’m the only person who cares for the innocent people? I wouldn’t let them hurt her.” You fought back.

“She is not worth risking your life for. You are trying to follow your father to the grave! It’s not about honor. It’s about your safety. I can’t lose you, Y/N.” She argued.

“You won’t.” You walked out leaving her with a mad expression.

“She was so brave Shae! She came to my aid when I thought those people were going to hurt me. She’s so fearless.”

“It was a very silly act. Things could have gotten worse.”

“But they didn’t. Sandor also helped. But Y/N,s boldness is remarkable.” Shae peered at her knowing what Sansa really meant.

You knocked on the redhead door. “I hope it’s not too late. My mother kept talking, I couldn’t wiggle my way out.” You excused yourself.

“Come in. I was waiting for you. Shae insisted on do it herself.”

“Princess. My lady.”

“Goodnight, Shae. She’s in good hands.” She gave you a little smile.

“Did you have supper already?”

“Yes, I took a quick bath too.” Sansa gestured you to sit down.

“I see. Your hair is still wet.” You quipped.

“You saved me. Again.” She began.

“Actually, Sandor saved us. I’m glad I arrived in time.”

“I thought they were going to kill me.”

“I wouldn’t let them. I won’t let anyone touches you ever again. I’m sorry. It must have been very frightening to you.”

“It was. You rescued me. I’m so grateful, Y/N. But your life is way more important than mine. Stop doing it.”

“I’ve heard that before.” You took the kerchief smearing in it some ointment.

“I’m serious. You are very brave. I don’t want you to get seriously injured because of me.” She insisted, more serious this time.

“I wouldn’t blame you. No harm will come to you while I’m around. I mean it. What I wouldn’t do to save you?”

“You are so stubborn. I would have given them bread if I had it. I hate the King more than any of them.”

“I know you would and I know you do, we share the same feeling about him.”

“Oh, gods! I’m a fool! I didn’t notice until now that you are also hurt.” She concernedly acknowledged.

“It doesn’t matter.” You brushed it off.

“Of course it does.”

“You first.” With the fabric, you began to swab her eyebrow cut.

“Auch.”

“It’s not deep. Does it hurt?”

“A little. What about yours?” She carefully touched your lower lip with her thumb.

“It’s just a scratch.”

“Let me clean it.” You found her eyes staring at your lips.

“The-the cut will disappear soon.” She stuttered.

“I won’t.” She looked up yo meet your eyes.

“What?”

“I won’t stop risking my life to keep you safe.” Not only you were doing this for the promise you made to Lady Catelyn, or because it was the right thing to do, not even for honor or recognition, but because you were falling harder and harder for her, you were deeply in love with the she-wolf.

[tinypnut]

Thoughts

Wolffe x Reader

@kriffingunlucky

~Prompt~

I need soft, a soft something. Something where the reader has anxiety and or depression, or even schizophrenia, and she gets proper comfort. I need this. Or she’s overwhelmed with life and doubting why she is even here, where she wonders why everyone leaves her. Why nobody actually likes her. Why nobody even cares enough to support her like she does them. Where she’s everybody’s shoulder to cry on but she goes into her room and cries at 3 am. When everybody is finally asleep. Where she zones out when people talk and her gut wrenches when she thinks about tomorrow. How she’s afraid to speak because she gets cut down. She stares at her body with disgust. She hates herself.

(I’m sorry in advance if its a little slow in the beginning and then rushed at the end, it’s been a while since I’ve written so I’m a little rusty. I also apologize if Wolffe is OOC)

Words: 2,175

TW: Mentions of suicide and depression

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You were on break when it happened, you were having a simple conversation about the war and the effort towards it. The conversation itself was like any other that you’d taken part in. ‘How’ve you been doing since you were last deployed? What’s it like on the front lines? Have we gained any ground? Is this war really worth all of the pain, bloodshed, and death?’ but for some reason, something struck you, deep searing pain in your chest, a fog flowing over your mind and it just kept getting darker and thicker. It begins to feel suffocating as the days continued. This was a feeling you hadn’t felt in years, the pain, the darkness the fear, everything. Yes there was the pain and fear on the battlefield, but this was a different one. Daily conversations became harder to keep up with, getting out of bed was difficult. It was like a weight has placed itself upon you and can’t be lifted. Memories flooded your thoughts constantly, haunted your dream and it just wouldn't stop. All the men lost, your family, everyone, it just wasn't right, it wasn't fair. This war had been raging on for so long and for what? You weren't making a difference, every battle more men were lost, body counts rising each time, the kaminoans treating the clones as if they were a product on an assembly line like droids and not real people. But what could you do? You felt worthless, meaningless, nothing mattered. You joined the GAR to make a difference, to help those in need because you didn't have a family, no one back home to worry if you'd come home or not. It was just that and nothing else, or at least it was that at first. As time went on the Troopers in the GAR, specifically the 104th, became your family, they gave you a reason to continue he gave you a reason. But right now, nothing mattered, all you felt was a growing numbness, an emptiness that just kept growing. A smile felt forced, nothing was genuine anymore and it hurt but you had no one.

Why bother Wolffe? He shouldn't have to deal with this from me, he’s probably busy anyway he has to get ready...

You sat in your quarters not caring that you were shipping out the next day again, in fact you hadn't left your quarters all day, to be honest. Currently you sat at the edge of your bed your head in your hands. Your eyes were wide and you hadn't even registered the tears falling to the floor.

Wolffe hid his concern well as he strode through the halls of the barracks looking for you, he hadn’t seen you much during leave which was odd, very odd in fact. Whenever you and his battalion were on leave you would never hesitate to spend time with him. You would normally get cleaned up and then wait for him to finish his debrief. Afterward, you would pester him to leave his work be and take a break from it all. He found it refreshing even if he never actually admitted it. This time however it seemed as if you had avoided him the entire time and today he didn’t see you in the halls at all. Wolffe was worried, did he say something to offend you. Though that was unlikely due to his lack of word use most of the time. Were you tired of him? His chest tightened at the thought. He may not always say how much he loves you but he definitely shows it through his actions. Was that not enough? He gripped his helmet as he walked checking all of your favorite places to go while on leave, which also included checking up on the 501st.

You let out a shaky breath but soon unraveled, you let out a broken choked sob as you cried. You covered your face trying to hide away from eyes that weren’t even there.

I cant...I just...its my fault they’re dead, it’s all my fault! I can’t do anything right I’m worthless. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything right. Nobody cares, nobody cares about me, it all an act. They pity me, its a joke, they are all gonna leave me, everyone does eventually. They all hate me, I’m a burden! Why the hell am I here anyway? What does it matter? Wolffe doesn’t care about me does he? I’m just there to distract him, a doll, that’s what I am…. But I love him...and he, he means so much to me I love him. Wolffe... I can’t tell him, he’ll think I’m weak…

These thoughts just kept repeating themselves over and over and over again and they wouldn’t stop. It was a pounding against your head, you gripped your hair and began to pull, sobs were heard in your quite quarters. You bit your lip as more than rust repetitive thoughts fill your head. You began to see the dead, your family, your friends, everyone. Their lifeless eyes boring into your furthering you to convince yourself that it was your fault that they died, that if you tried harder they wouldn’t have died. You let out a whimper as you curled up on your bed.

It’s all my fault, I can’t do this anymore...all the pain, the suffering, no one would care that I’m gone….I’ve tried, I’ve tried for so long but I’ll never be good enough...I-

Your thoughts were cut off by a knock on your door. 

“(Y/N)...” The gruffness of the voice was unmistakable, it was Wolffe. “(Y/N I know you’re in there, open up.” he continued but you didn’t budge. You may have been craving comfort and contact with others, you were desperate for it but your pride was currently pushing your mental stability out the window. He couldn’t see you now, what would he think of you?

Maybe if I wait long enough he’ll leave…

That, however, was not the case. There was a somewhat aggravated grumble from the other side of the door. Wolffe was well known for lacking patience and even though he loves you he is getting slightly fed up with you avoiding him all of leave. He shifted his helmet to under his other arm and punched in the code to the door to your room. When you heard the door open your froze now mentally cursing yourself for giving him your passcode.

“Cyar’ika, what the hell is going o-” When his gaze finally made out your form curled up in your bed he quieted and took a step closer. “(Y/N)?” he questioned softly hesitantly almost. Your form curled up more as you tried to hide from him and sniffled slightly.

“I-I’m fine Wolffe…” Though your voice drastically betrayed you.

He narrowed his gaze and moved further into your room and set his helmet on the desk beside your bed. Wolffe then sat down on the edge of the bed and gazed down at you. He remained quiet, unsure of what to say. He placed his hand gently down on your side and rubbed with his thumb.

“Cyar’ika...what’s wrong?” He questioned. Then gentleness of his voice sent you over the edge again and your let out another sob. He shifted and carefully took your hands away from your face. His eyes pierced yours and they seemed to cause you to melt. You sat up and hugged him tightly not caring about his uncomfortable plastoid armor. Tears streamed down your face and Wolffe was somewhat confused but held you close regardless. He rested his head atop yours and rubbed circles on your back in a means to comfort you. “(Y/N)...I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you…” He said softly. You bit your lip debating if you should really tell him what’s going on or not.

“I….Wolffe I” You bit your lip trying to compose yourself. “D-Do….Do you love me?” she questioned hesitantly. Wolffe pulled away slightly and fear filled you. He gazed down at you and placed his hand on your cheek.

“Of course I do (Y/N)....what makes you think that I don’t?” his brows knitted together and you look away.

“I can’t I don’t….” Tears streamed down your face again and your clenched your fists “These thoughts they won’t leave me! I’m not good enough! I’ll never be good enough! It’s my fault your brothers keep dying! It’s my fault my family is dead! I can still see them….their lifeless eyes starring back at me, the fire, the blood, everything! I can’t save anyone! I’m utterly worthless Wolffe! People don’t care, do you know how many times I’ve tried talking to people and I get interrupted by another and my original conversation was forgotten? Being overlooked all the time? Not being good enough, to begin with? Having so many expectations and being an utter disappointment regardless?! I’ve tried so hard for so long Wolffe, the smiles, ignoring all the abuse from others, the nightmares, the fakeness of it all? I’ve tried so long to be strong but I can’t...I-I can’t keep doing this...Wolffe…I...I joined the GAR to help others...but ultimately it was just to die….but then I met you...Master Plo, the whole pack...You became my family but I just….I….a...a part of me is waiting for you all to leave me...like everyone else has…” at first you were crying as you spoke but as you continued your voice became meek and your tears had stopped flowing. Your gaze remained down at the bed.

Now he understood, his heart sunk as you spoke, he knew of the pain you spoke of. Weight on your chest and fog in your mind. He and his brothers may have been bred for war but he knew. He knew of all of it, you’ve had enough of the war and you snapped. He would be lying if he said he was expecting this but he really wasn’t, you had a wall that was almost as strong as his, a part of him was proud for staying stong but ultimately he was worried for you, he hated seeing you in pain and cursed himself for not noticing this sooner.

“Wolffe?” You questioned hesitantly as you looked up at him. He seemed to be in a relative daze as he gazed at you. When he heard you call his name he blinked. He ran his fingers through your hair with his other hand keeping one on your cheek.

“Cyar’ika, You are the strongest, talented, and greatest person I have ever met. These thoughts, I can’t promise that they will leave you but that’s all they are. Thoughts. No one will leave you, I most certainly won’t. I understand what you feel, the fear, the pain, everything. You are allowed to feel these things but don’t ever give up. Keep fighting because you are my world, I don’t know what I would do if you left. Nothing can erase what happened, no one can change the past and no one knows what the future will hold. You can always come to me (Y/N), you have my support Cyar’ika. I can only comfort you when you come to me though. I hate seeing you in such pain, this war. I don’t know when it will end and I can’t promise that we won’t lose anyone else but we have to keep fighting, and I can assure you that no one hates you. But I can’t speak for the seps” He smiled slightly towards the end. You cracked a subtle smile and rested your head against his plastoid armor. 

“Thank you Wolffe...for being here…” You said softly, you were definitely not 100% back to normal but you did feel like the weight on your chest had been lifted, even if it was just a little bit.

“Anytime (Y/N)” Wolffe held you close sighing softly “(Y/N)?” Your eyes were shut and you hummed “I Love you Cyar’ika, and I always will” He pressed a gentle kiss atop your head and your smile grew. Wolffe didn’t say he loved you out loud that often but when he did you could practically feel the love that flowed from it and enveloped you. A warmth filled your chest and you let out a content sigh.

“I love you too Wolffe” 

He shifted and stripped himself of his armor leaving him in only his blacks. He laid down pulling you with him. He held you close against his chest, arms around you in a protective manner. 

“I will protect you (Y/N), now and forever. No one will hurt you while I’m here” He said as drowsiness crept upon him. You shifted your hand to intertwine your fingers together and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. You closed your eyes falling asleep in your lover’s arms, that squeeze speaking volumes to Wolffe.

[fandomfanfics12]

Home Lives With You-Part 4

Title: Home Lives With You. Pairings: Steve x Tony Part: 4/? Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, blood, abuse (physical and verbal), ptsd, anxiety, bullying Summary: Peter’s been living with the abusive Thompson family for years, it was the only family in the system that would take him. When Steve and Tony get a phone call from the social worker who introduced them to their daughter Morgan for an emergency placement, they feel like they must pay back the favor. But are Steve and Tony taking on more than they can handle, and will Peter be able to adjust to a warm and welcoming family home? A/N: kinda long, next part should be out some time in the next couple of days, hope you enjoy!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Steve wanted to pretend that he was calm, that everything was fine. But as he carried Peter’s body to the bed in the ER, his heart was pounding in his chest and Peter was trembling in his arms.

“I’m sorry, just take me home, I’m fine, I’m sorry.” He sobbed as a nurse pointed Steve to the bed. Steve had placed him down gently, Peter was uncontrollably shaking.

“A doctor will be with you shortly.” A nurse had said and drawn a curtain around them, blocking off Steve’s view from anything other than Peter.

“it’s alright kiddo, we’re going to get you checked out and you’ll be alright.” Steve stepped forward to take Peter’s hand but the kid grabbed his shirt, balling his fist in it.

“I’m really fine,  please can we just go back to your house sir? Please?” his voice was so high pitched and broken that it brought tears to Steve’s eyes. He placed his hand over Peter’s balled his and squeezed it gently.

“We’re going to get you checked out and you’re going to be just fine, alright?” as if on cue, the curtain pulled back so a man could step through and then it was shut again.

“Sorry for the wait, I’m doctor Banner.” He smiled and Peter whimpered, shaking like a leaf.

“I-I’m Peter.” He stuttered and Doctor Banner nodded, not even looking remotely phased by Peter’s terror.

“It’s nice to meet you Peter, what seems to be the problem?” Peter nervously glanced to Steve and then let go of Steve’s shirt, his hand slipped through Steve’s like water. And then Peter lifted his shirt up and over his head, a gasp fell out of Steve’s mouth.

Cuts and bruises covered Peter’s torso, the angry red gash stood out like a sore thumb and when Peter rolled onto his side so doctor Banner could properly examine the gash, there were welts on Peter’s back. Doctor Banner was frowning and looked at Steve, judgement in his eyes.

“I’m his foster parent, my husband and I only received the call for Peter’s emergency placement a couple of days ago.”

“I’m assuming this was the incident that caused the emergency placement?” Doctor Banner asked and Steve nodded.

“I guess so.” But doctor Banner wasn’t listening to Steve anymore, his attention back on the yellowish greenish gash.

“Who stitched this up?” he asked, lightly pressing around the area as pus oozed out of the wound. Doctor Banner was smiling, as if that would comfort them and make this alright, as if that would be comforting.

“I did.” Peter mumbled and Steve inhaled sharply.

“And it was your old foster parents that did this to you?” Peter nodded his head, his lip wobbling as Banner’s hands moved closer to the gash. Instinctively Steve stepped forward, taking Peter’s hand and Peter began squeezing it immediately. Banner glanced at Steve and Steve saw the concern in his eyes, the nerves.

“I need to take the stitches out, disinfect the wound and then stitch it back up again. I’m about to go get another nurse to assist me in this process but I’d like to keep Peter in until tomorrow as I’m worried about sepsis.” Steve nodded, looking at Peter’s face which had scrunched up from the pain.

“My husband and I have healthcare, just do whatever you can to help him.” Steve said, looking back up at Banner who looked relieved.

“Okay, I’ll go get the nurse.” Doctor Banner stepped out of their little space and Steve began to stroke Peter’s hair with his free hand.

“it’s going to be alright Peter, I’m going to take care of you.” he promised but Peter was shaking his head.

“Hospitals are expensive, I’m not worth it.” he sobbed and Steve shook his head, more tears welled up in his eyes.

“It’s going to be alright Pete, the doctors are going to take care of you.” Steve promised and Peter nodded, his bottom lip wobbling.

“I’m scared.” He whispered and Steve bent down, kissing the top of Peter’s head.

“You’re going to be alright.” Steve promised and then Doctor Banner was back with a nurse.

“Alright Peter can you give me your arm? You’re going to feel a little pinch but it’s going to help with the pain.” Steve sat down on the bed and Peter curled into him, flinching as the nurse inserted the needle.

“It’s alright Peter, I’m right here, you’re going to be just fine.” Steve promised and not a heartbeat later did Doctor Banner start to take out the stitches, and Peter’s screams filled the ER.

-

As soon as they had left Morgan had come downstairs, eyes big and red and puffy.

“Daddy?” she asked and Tony whirled around to find her standing behind him.

“Princess what’s wrong?” he asked, scooping her up into his arms.

“I had a nightmare, where’s Peter?” her bottom lip wobbled and Tony began to rub soothing circles between her shoulder blades as he led her back upstairs.

“He’s not feeling well baby, so dad took him to the hospital.” At that, tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“I thought I heard him screaming.” Morgan’s lip wobbled and Tony nodded his head, not wanting to lie to her.

“Yeah baby, but Dad’s going to take care of him alright? He’ll be home before you know it.” Tony’s mind flashed back to the gash in Peter’s side, how he had yelped when Tony had touched him.

“promise?”

“I’ll even pinkie promise.” Tony held out his finger and she curled her own around it, looking instantly relieved as she did so.

“Can we go see him in the hospital tomorrow?” she asked and Tony nodded.

“Sure thing princess, but only if you go to sleep now.” she nodded her head, smiling.

“And can we get him a teddy?” tony nodded, although he wasn’t sure how much Peter would appreciate a stuffed doll. But nevertheless, Tony stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head, her eyes drifting shut as Tony exited the room. But as he went downstairs, the nerves only rattled through him. He wished he could be comforted by a simple pinkie promise, but that wasn’t the case. Tony took a deep breath and then he started cleaning. First it was just cleaning up a few cups and plates that Steve had left around the house, then it was wiping down the countertops, then scrubbing the toilets, followed by cleaning the sinks, followed by going through the fridge for any outdated food and then Tony decided to put on a load of washing.

-

Eventually the exhaustion weighed down on Peter and he drifted off to sleep. A nurse had tried to tell Steve to go home, come back in the morning, but Steve refused to leave Peter alone. They’d taken him away for thirty minutes to do an x-ray when Peter’s drug induced state had admitted that he thought he had some broken ribs. Three to be exact. According to doctor Banner, the welts on his back would have been from being whipped by a belt. Steve had felt nauseous at that point. How could anyone have ever done this to Peter? When the nurse came to check the gash in Peter’s side, Steve went to the cafeteria to go get himself a cup of coffee. That’s when he called Rhodey.

“Steve?” Rhodey’s voice was groggy, Steve must have woken him up.

“Hey Rhodey, I’m at the hospital with Peter. I want to know what the fuck happened when he was staying with the Thompson’s.” at that, Rhodey sighed.

“Why are you at the hospital?” Steve squeezed his eyes shut, he had dreaded making this phone call.

“there’s a gash in his side that’s gotten infected. The kid has three broken ribs and these welts and-“

“Steve I’m going to ask you to please calm down.” Calm down? Was Rhodey serious? How the hell was Steve supposed to calm down after seeing how badly Peter had been injured?

“it’s bad Rhodey. I want the Thompson’s in prison for what they’ve done.” Steve snarled and Rhodey sighed.

“There’s already an investigation in place. And while I know it’s not your fault, this could put a delay in the adoption papers.” Dammit. Steve clenched his jaw and took several deep breaths.

“can we at the very least extend his stay with us?” Steve asked as calmly as he could manage.

“I’ll look into it. I’ll come by the hospital tomorrow alright? We can talk about this then.” And then Rhodey hung up, Steve slammed his fist into the wall, frustration and anger burning inside of him. Why was everyone acting so calm about this? why weren’t they taking this seriously? Steve shook out his hand and called Tony, heart racing and tears in his eyes.

-

It was 3:17 when Steve finally rang. Tony answered on the second ring, glad to finally have something to do with himself. Glad to finally know what was going on.

“How is he?” and then he heard Steve’s shuddering breath.

“he’s asleep right now. the doctors want to keep him here for observation, they’re worried about sepsis?” Steve swore and Tony began to pace, his stomach twisted and churned.

“it’s bad isn’t it?” Tony asked, sitting down to prepare himself.

“he has three broken ribs, and he’s covered in cuts and bruises and the doctors think he was whipped with a belt and he had to stitch up that gash up himself.” Steve’s voice broke on the last word and Tony inhaled sharply. He was glad that Steve had been the one to take Peter to the hospital, Tony wasn’t sure he’d have been able to be strong for Peter when hearing and seeing those things. At least now he could prepare himself for having to see that.

“Are you okay?” Tony asked, tears in his eyes. He hated it when Steve cried, Steve only ever cried if something was truly awful, if something was truly sad.

“I just wish you were here.”

“sweetheart.” Tony breathed and Steve inhaled sharply. He wished he could be there too.

“I called Rhodey too, he said this could put a delay on the adoption.” Steve admitted and Tony nodded, he’d figured as much.

“as soon as Morgan is awake we’ll come to the hospital.” Tony promised although it didn’t make him feel any better.

“Okay, get some sleep honey.” Steve said and sounded better, but Tony just felt worse.

“I’ll try. I love you.”

“love you too.” Tony hung up and sat back on the couch, mind reeling. And then Tony got to his feet, heading to his office where his laptop was waiting. He opened up and started digging.

-

Peter woke up to find he was completely alone. Even through the pain killers, his side ached and throbbed. Slowly he sat up, looking around but there was nothing familiar. He’d known it was stupid, but he’d hoped Steve would stick around. He’d probably call Rhodey, asking for Peter to be gone. Peter was just starting to fully realise that he’d have to go back to the Thompson’s when Steve came back, coffee in hand.

“You’re still here sir?” Peter mumbled and Steve’s eyes widened.

“Of course I’m still here, how do you feel?” he sat down in the visitor’s chair, a tentative smile upon his face.

“sore sir.” Peter admitted and Steve nodded. He took a sip of his coffee and the silence filled the room, stretching out and suffocating the both of them.

“Peter I’m going to ask you some questions and I’d like it if you answered them honestly.” Steve said at long last and Peter nodded.

“okay sir.”

“Were the Thompson’s abusive to you?” Peter looked away, his groggy mind unsure of how to say it.

“Mr Thompson hit me sometimes.” He admitted and Steve nodded.

“I thought so, and what about mrs Thompson?” you are nothing more than a worthless piece of shit!

“Not physically sir.”

“Was Mr Thompson the one who did this to you?” at that, Peter’s bottom lip wobbled.

“Yeah, but I dropped a plate and I should have been more careful, I shouldn’t have been so careless.” Peter whispered and Steve frowned.

“Mr Thompson did all this to you because you dropped a plate?” Peter nodded, fear curdling his insides.

“it was my fault sir.” Peter whispered and Steve clenched his jaw, taking a deep breath. He’s worried that I’m going to drop one of his plates. Peter thought and wondered if perhaps that would be the last straw.

“Tony and Morgan are going to come by in the morning alright? Get some rest kiddo.” Peter nodded, settling into the bed. Because he finally had an excuse to sleep in a bed and not on the floor.

-

Dear Mrs White…

My name is Tony Stark-Rogers and I would like to join the lovely establishment known as Midtown High’s PTA. My husband and I recently took in our son and will be adopting him very soon and I would love to get involved any way I can. I heard there was a bake sale next Sunday and was hoping I could participate?

Kind regards,

Tony Stark-Rogers.

Tony grinned at the email as it sent through, plans for how he would destroy Rose Thompson. They wouldn’t be able to refuse him, and soon enough Tony would expose the Thompson’s, effectively seeking revenge.

-

Steve was sitting with Peter, trying to tell him about a tv show that he wanted to Peter to watch when the door opened and a small eight year old launched herself onto the bed.

“Peter!” she cried, wrapping her tiny arms around Peter’s torso, Peter only winced slightly.

“hey miss.” He smiled and she returned it, all toothy and giddy.

“Daddy said you weren’t feeling well?” she asked and Peter nodded, Steve just looked to Tony who seemed to be in shock a little. There was an assortment of wires, going into and coming out of Peter’s body. It was a little unnerving.

“I’m feeling better now that you’re here miss.” She nodded and pulled back, turning to Tony and holding out her tiny hands. He revealed a bag that he had concealed behind him and handed it to her.

“Daddy and I got this for you.” she thrust the bag forth and Peter’s eyes widened and he nervously looked to Tony.

“Thank you sir, but I can’t accept this.” at that, Tony crossed his arms.

“Non-refundable I’m afraid.” He shrugged and Peter looked down at the bag, Morgan frowning.

“Aren’t you going to open your present?” she asked and Peter nodded, tears shining in his eyes as he took the little brown paper bag from her. Inside was a plush fluffy elephant and Peter inhaled sharply.

“It’s perfect miss.” Morgan grinned and clapped, practically jumping up and down.

“Easy princess.” Steve reminded her and she nodded, Peter looked back down at the toy and then glanced back up at her.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” he whispered and she giggled, Tony stepped closer and Steve wrapped an arm around him.

“Boy!” she shrieked like it was the most obvious thing in the whole entire world.

“And what’s his name?” Peter asked conspiratorially like he and Morgan were executing a top secret mission rather than in a hospital room. There was a soft smile on Peter’s face and Steve was overwhelmed with compassion for the kid who was so good with their daughter.

“Benjamin, but we call him Benny.” She decided and Peter’s smile widened.

“I had an uncle called Ben once.” Peter admitted and she frowned.

“can we show this to him?” the smile faded and Peter shook his head. Steve’s stomach curdled, he didn’t like where this was going.

“No miss, my uncle is in a very faraway place.” Peter told her and Tony inhaled sharply beside him.

“Oh, can we go visit him?” she asked and Peter shook his head.

“I’m afraid not. But that’s okay because I’ve got you miss.” Morgan nodded and then moved on to talk about the pancakes that Tony had bought her for breakfast.

“we’re just going to step outside and fill out some forms, can you watch Morgan?” Steve asked and Peter nodded his head, not taking his eyes off of Morgan as she started rambling on. Tony and Steve stepped outside and Tony wrapped his arms around Steve’s body. Despite the fact that Steve was bigger, he practically collapsed into Tony.

“Thank god you’re here.” He whispered and Tony nodded, rubbing his hands on Steve’s back.

“It’s alright sweetheart, you did good.” Steve nodded, glad to be held by his husband. Glad to have a husband to hold him.

“I just couldn’t believe that someone was capable of doing those things, especially to a child. And the worst part about all of this,” Steve stepped back, rubbing his eyes to stop the tears from shedding. “it was all over a plate.” Tony blinked, confusion written over his face.

“a plate?”

“Peter dropped a plate and that’s why this happened. It was all over a fucking plate.” Tony’s brows rose and Steve saw the anger that burned in those eyes.

“We’ll make them pay for this.” Tony promised and Steve nodded and then he shook his head.

“Rhodey said there was already an investigation, there’s nothing we can do. We shouldn’t get involved.” Tony just stepped back and scratched the back of his head, a smile spreading upon his lips.

“what did you do?” Steve asked and Tony raised his hands in defence.

“I didn’t do anything. Not yet at least.”

“It’s going to stay that way, we shouldn’t get involved.” Tony looked down and nodded.

“you’re right, we shouldn’t.”

-

Just because Steve said they shouldn’t didn’t mean they wouldn’t. Susan White had emailed him back earlier this morning saying she’d be delighted to have another additional parent to the PTA. The plan was already in motion and hearing that Peter had been subject to this torture over a plate only solidified Tony’s hatred for the Thompson’s even more. He was going to get revenge, and he’d show no mercy for those assholes

-

It was Sunday evening and Peter was finally allowed to come home. Steve had stayed with him all weekend, he went home to shower once. Peter had begged him to go home at night and sleep in his own bed but Steve had insisted on staying. That just made Peter feel guilty. Even now, sitting in the front seat of the car, he wanted to apologise.

“I’m sorry about the hospital bills. I’ll get a job and pay you back sir, I promise.” Peter said as the car pulled into the driveway.

“Pete relax, you don’t owe us anything.” But he did, more than he’d ever be able to repay them. First thing would be Morgan’s present. He clung to the elephant now, it was possibly the softest thing he’d ever held, and the first present he’d ever received.

“but I do, you and Mr Stark Rogers have done so much for me already and-“

“and we were more than happy to pay for it, now let’s get you inside okay?” Steve got out of the car before Peter could argue the point more. But the use of the word were snagged in Peter’s mind. Past tense. Peter got out of the car and made his way to the front door, it was almost eight o’clock but the sun was only just starting to set. Summer vacation would start soon and Peter wished he could stay here with the Stark Rogers.

Were.

This was a bad sign, Peter recognised these things, was used to being told that people didn’t want him anymore. He’d always known his time here was limited, he was only meant to stay here for a month, but were they really going to kick him out already? Were they really about to ship him off to the next family when Peter hadn’t even been there a full week? And if they were shipping him off, what would the next family be like? What if they were as bad as the Thompson’s had been? What would Peter do then?

“Honey we’re home!” Steve called as he opened the front door, Tony entered the hallway and smiled.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked and Peter’s stomach twisted and churned.

“Better, thank you sir.” Tony nodded and his eyes shifted from Peter to Steve.

“Peter we’d like to talk.”

-

@smallnjh @picklepotatoe14 @thatisamericasass @briebriebrieee @aftereveryraincomessunshine 

[the-writing-mobster]

⭐ :3

Eeeee, thank you for the ask!

I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to discuss; Chapter 8! Uuuggghhh. Part one is pretty underrated and there isn't a lot of feedback for it but it has MOST of my favorite moments. Mostly because of the foreshadowing and EXTREME sexual tension.

Also, I should mention: spoilers under the cut!

Papyrus was nowhere to be seen, but she froze when she caught Sans in the kitchen. He hadn’t noticed her presence yet, so she ducked away and hid behind the wall. 

He was mumbling to himself as he made coffee, clearly tired as hell. She poked her head out and noticed there was a list sitting on the kitchen island. Most likely for her.

“Sans! Let’s go!” shouted Papyrus as the front door slammed open. She flinched and jerked back into hiding as Sans groaned and stomped out of the kitchen. Frisk’s breath hitched as he marched past her. He grinned when he saw her.

“Good luck…” he purred...

I liked this chapter a lot. Frisk's first day on the job, getting to know her more, and of course Sans being just... Awful. Sans being awful was actually my favorite thing to write.

I also just... Really wanted to write a super domestic chapter. So chapter 8 is filled to the brim with cleaning and shit like that. It was supposed to be a break from all the action.

I've kind of always wanted to be good at housework (not for traditional reasons or anything, just for like... I hate being in a dirty environment but I suuuuck at cleaning and cooking and baking) so writing this was like a little bit of escapism. Weird that I'd find escapism in chores... 🤷‍♀️

(it would've only been made better if she'd had an actual french maid outfit... 😏)

Flowey eventually joined her after she took the nicely folded clothes upstairs. By then it was eight a.m. They worked together to dust. It was the dusting that started to drag on time.

I actually had to look up how long it would take to clean an entire house. I read like two articles on Maids and the hours they worked. One was on house maids... That's not what they're called I just— whatever. And the other was hotel maids. What I learned was that it took around five hours??? Yeah. Around five hours. And of course, it took longer than that for her because of Calibri.

As she stared into Calibri's silver eyes, she began to tear up at the beauty. 

Overcome by the unicorn's majesty, she began to sob and she stumbled back. It cocked its head in curiosity and studied her. Frisk's soul began to burn and glow from within her chest and those silver eyes almost seemed to be piercing right through her and studying the contents of her soul. Judging her for all she was worth. 

In myth, unicorns were said to come to young virgin girls and were only calm in their presence. It was the best way to trap and tame said magical horses. Obviously, Frisk is not a young virgin girl, but! Virginity is a construct and Calibri obviously loves her. Frisk doesn't feel worthy of being in his presence, but he judges the contents of her soul and... Well... Obviously she's pure of heart despite everything.

And also, there's a line in the Last Unicorn about Lady Amalthea that describes Frisk and the effect she has the monsters to a Tee.

“The Lady Amalthea beckoned, and the cat wriggled all over, like a dog, but he would not come near... She was offering her open palm to the crook-eared cat, but he stayed where he was, shivering with the desire to go to her"...[later, Molly asked the cat] "Why were you afraid to let her touch you? I saw you. You were afraid of her."

"If she had touched me," he said very softly, "I would have been hers and not my own...”

(I love this book) So obviously, Frisk is a unicorn to the monsters. Completely irresistible and once you go near her you belong to her forever. In the best way possible that is. I wanted to make this comparisons early on between her and a real unicorn.

"Merde!" She exclaimed as she shot out from the stable and sprinted to the shed to get the snow shovel. She slid on the ice of the driveway and almost fell onto her ass. She regained her balance and began to work at the pathway. 

Sans would've laughed his ass off at this. That is all.

As she looked through the catalogue of cookbooks that Papyrus owned, she noticed a common theme. Italian food. 

"Well isn't that ironic?" She murmured.

Frisk is so SICK of Italian food and she just can't seem to escape it!

"We arrested that Snowdrake Comedian today." The muffled voice of Papyrus alerted Frisk to his presence and she felt a spike of adrenaline enter her. Is this what cooking show contestants felt as the timer counted down?

"Why the fuck—what, Asgore can't handle some political satire?" She rushed about the kitchen to get the last remaining things she needed as she heard the crunch of footsteps in the snow.

Oh what's this? Foreshadowing??? The Angelicans aren't mentioned at all in Part One but their shadow is cast everywhere if you look close enough! Perhaps because everything was planned from the beginning. 😉

"Sans! Get your pathetic ass down here! Dinner is ready!" Barked Papyrus. Frisk heard a thump from upstairs and she flinched. Sans? I need to get out of here. 

Ahahaha! She hates him so much and I love it.

It was only until she was walking down the hall to her room when she heard a creak. She turned around and flinched when she saw Sans. He grinned at her, his plate of food in hand. His eyes rolled over her and she shrunk under his gaze. Never had she ever felt so uncomfortable around someone. The way his fanged grin leered at her, threatening to rip her to pieces. He was a shark and she was just a minnow. 

Now this part... This is my favorite part and the reason I chose chapter 8 to talk about.

He reached out to an in-table and knocked over a vase. She flinched as it thudded on the floor, and she slowly realized just what he was doing. She stared up at him with wide eyes as he leaned forward. 

"Pick it up," he demanded in a soft, menacing voice.

Ooooooof. Something about that is so awful but sooo... I don't know. I was literally grinning so hard when I wrote this. The spirit of Sans the Skeleton possessed me and I was just like "heh heh heh.... Get wrecked little girl."

Flowey glared up at Sans, but held his tongue for Frisk's sake. She looked down at the vase, and then back up at him with a scowl. She wanted to tell him no. Spit on him. Turn away. Slam her door. Flip him off. Stand up for herself… 

Alternative scene would be where she slaps him across the face and then he laughs at her and calls her interesting OR threatens her but that never happened so I never wrote it. 🤷‍♀️ Also she'd be actin strong but her hand would be STINGING because slapping hard bone would HURT.

 He was still grinning at her, and she swallowed her dignity. She didn't do any of those things. Slowly, she stooped down and grabbed the vase. She gathered the decorative feathers and stuffed them back inside as she replaced the vase on the table. That bastard. Does he really think he can just do this? … I guess he can. I'm basically their slave now. What a nightmare. Oh God… what am I going to do? 

Sans hummed in delight and gave her another lingering stare. Slowly, he nodded his head, a sort of smug satisfaction about himself as he turned away. She glared at him. 

I kinda laughed when I wrote this because I pictured him doing the most Smug McAsshole nod like he was so proud of himself for pulling that shit.

"Papyrus may act like he's in charge, but at the end of the day… I'm the guy that might just kill ya," he said as he got to his door. He winked at her before he slipped in and shut the door behind him. Left alone, she gasped for breath, as if there had been a pressure on her chest and the weight had finally been removed. She staggered and leaned against the wall for balance. 

The threat. The wink. The assholery. I love it. God. Writing this scene, I was so excited about it. I'd literally reread it over and over again. Also, this line he says comes back in a future chapter during a Part 3 torture scene. (Referencing past chapters is my favorite thing to do. It's like when a comedian references a joke in another joke in their set.)

Chapter 8 is definitely one of my favorites, but it's not the only one I want to talk about! Go ahead and send me stars (⭐) in my ask box if you want more "director" cuts for WDYW!

[hidden-behind-the-fourth-wall]

I want to be with you, it is as simple, and as complicated as that

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Loving Bucky isn’t easy, but so worth it. And reader is about to tell Bucky all of her heart desires.

Warnings: ANGST, a lot of angst, fluff, insecure!Bucky, swear words. Did I mention angst?

A/N: The continuity of late challenges. Another round of apologies go to @a-mess-of-fandoms for being so late. I am so sorry! And congratulations on a magical number, that by now has probably risen twice <3

I am actually pretty proud of this story, so PLEASE, let me know what you all think <3

P.S. 10 points for whoever will guess how many more of Bukowski’s quote there are :)

Loving James Buchanan Barnes wasn’t easy. And not because he wasn’t a loveable little shit, no. He was. He was probably the best man you would have ever met in your life. The real 40’s gentleman packed in a body of Hercules with the most beautiful eyes you have ever seen. Eyes. Those damn eyes fucked you forever. 

 No, Bucky Barnes was too good to be true. He only needed a phone call about your awful day to come with a box of chocolate and white wine, to make your day even remotely ok. He would stay and watch the worst moves, only to hear you laugh and get rid of the tears he claimed to hate so much. He would come to your room after every mission only to say hi and see if you needed him for anything. He would travel through the whole New York to get you that one doughnut you love if this would make you happy. 

He even brought Alpine once to the hospital you were in because you missed that little snow furry ball. He got in so much trouble for that, but he didn’t care because you were smiling and laughing whenever the cat licked your face. 

Yes, it seemed like loving Bucky Barnes was easy, but it really wasn’t. Not when the man himself did not believe he deserved the love you so willingly wanted to give him. you have been friends for three years now. You were there when he came back from the exile in Wakanda. You stayed by his side, whenever Tony was throwing some stupid comment, you defended his six on every mission. You trained with him, showed him all the movies and listened to every music he has missed throughout the years. You ate all the junk food he wanted to trie and you are still to master the apple pie that his mom used to make when he was a little boy. 

For the past two years, you tried to make that damn pie and you always failed. He would never, of course, tell you. He would not have to tell you the first time of course. You found out through Steve who then felt horrible. After that you made him promise to be honest with you and if he didn’t like something he would just voice it. He gave one of those soft, innocent smiles and there was no way you could be mad at him any longer. 

And so here you were trying to make that pie once again. You were standing in that damn kitchen for 6 hours now and you were stuck in your head thinking about the conversation you wanted to have with this little idiot, who’s birthday will be this weekend. How many times have you had a conversation about his boundaries and his low self-esteem. You wanted to be with him and you were sure he wanted to be with you. It may be bossy and sad but you were not to give up on Bucky Barnes!

Loving James Buchanan Barnes wasn’t easy, and some people would even call you sick for trying so hard for someone so broken, but you didn’t care. You loved him. So much. You loved him with everything you had in you. A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover.

**

Bucky had had enough. Of the mission, of Ukraine, of Steve always asking if he was ok, and this damn annoying Birdbrain Sam fucking Wilson. He had enough. All he wanted was to get to your house, snuggle, watch a movie and forget about everything. He selfishly needed you. Of course, he knew about your feelings, he knew you loved him. After all, you told him that so many times. And so many times has he only shook his head and left with no more said. But you were never mad. You always came back, as nothing happened. 

There was one fight between the two of you. It was about a month ago. You didn’t let him go. You wanted to talk to him, understand. But he was a coward. He prefered to run away than have a civilised, adult conversation with you. When you told him to stay the night, he panicked and started to shout at you. Talking about how much of annoyance you were. How annoying you were for pursuing something that would never happen. He knew all the words were a lie, so did you. His shouting lasted for a couple of seconds before he stopped and fall on his knees, sobbing like a little kid. Apologising to you, begging for you to just stop loving him because he would never be able to love you.  

“I can’t love and be loved by anyone, Y/N” You whined, kneeling in front of you. “Not when my head is full of those awful memories… Of the demons that still call out for me! So please don’t do it! Don’t love me!” You would normally hug him, whispering sweet words to his ear but not that day. He knew he crossed a line, an invisible line of your friendship. That day you stood up and left him alone, but not before whispering the words that were the reason why he needed to see you so badly today. 

“Stop insisting on clearing your head — clear your fucking heart instead.”

He needed to see you, talk to you. He needed to be honest. He loved you. God how much he loved you. There was no fucking way not to love you. You were everything he wasn’t. You were who he wanted to become. He adored the time spend with you, those nights when you stayed and put his nightmares away. Those mornings when you woke up earlier to make him his favourite breakfast, after a long and heavy night. He was in love with those gentle kisses you planted on his forehead, cheek and the scarred surface near his arm. The place he hated so much, you gave it so much love and attention. 

When you first kissed it he felt disgusted. Not by you, but himself. He didn’t understand how would someone like you not feel appalled by him. He pushed you away but you only smiled and pulled him back to you, and let him sob. 

“Those scars? They are a part of you. A beautiful part of what you have endured. They don’t portray how weak you are. They only show how amazingly strong you have become. You endured so much and yet you are still here. Living and trying to enjoy a life that was once stolen from you. I love all those things about you. Including those scars.” 

He opened the doors and frowned smelling something familiar. You gave him your key a long time ago. “If you ever feel like you need my companion just come and join me.” And he used that welcome more often than he dared to say. 

“What are you doing, doll?” He asked, seeing the mess in the kitchen. He chuckled when you shrieked and jumped at his voice. “Sorry, didn't want to scare you”, he walked and gave her a welcoming kiss on the cheek. 

“I thought you’ll be a bit later”, you murmured looking around the kitchen. “I wanted to clean it all up before you were back.” He smiled and just now realised what was in the oven. “I think this may be it.” You answered his quiet question, making his smile grow into a huge grin. “But there’s still about 40 minutes of it to bake.” He pouted and you couldn’t help but laugh at his adorable childishness. “How about you go take a shower, and I’ll clean here up?”

“I can help you”, he murmured, kissing the top of your hair. 

“It’s ok, go! You know I hate it when you’re in my kitchen”, he shook his head and laughed. There was no way to argue. He gave you one of his adorable smiles and went to the bathroom, questioning his luck of having you in his life.  

**

You watched him eating the pie like it was the best thing he has ever had. You have never seen him happier, than during the first bite. His baby blue eyes shining and a big grin on his face, making him look as from the pictures you saw in the 40s. So handsome, free and careless. 

“I love you”, you whispered, making him freeze in the middle of eating. He swallowed and put down the spoon. You noticed the stiffness of his shoulders and how he closed his eyes to control whatever he wanted to say. “I know Bucky…” You smiled sadly hiding your face in your hands. “Let me tell you what I need to, and I promise you. After that, I will respect your decision. I’ll stay if you will want me to, or I’ll leave.” He took a deep breath and nodded, unable to look into your eyes. “You may think that you are a shadow... A painful remembrance of what HYDRA did to the world. I see you struggle every day, saying no to happiness because you think you don’t deserve it. That you should stay in the shadow, be a shadow… But…” You looked at him and felt tears rolling down your cheeks. “I look at you and light goes all through me…” You heard him gasp and you smiled a little, encouraged by the motion. “You are my light Bucky. Always have and always will be…” 

“You deserve so much more!” He chimed, standing up and walking to the kitchen counter, turning away from you. He looked like your words harmed him physically. “You deserve someone else. Someone who isn’t broken… Who… Who wouldn’t put all that weight on your amazing shoulders…

But I don’t want anyone else…” You stood up and without a warning, you hugged him from the behind. You felt his body freeze and you nuzzled into his back. "Look, let me put it this way: with me, you're number one and there isn't even a number two."

“Why?” He whispered, shaking his head. You could hear the tears in his voice. The breaking of every spoken word. And your heart broke for this shell of a man. A man you love so much and who deserved the world. You chuckled and turned him around to look him in those beautiful eyes, that you fell in love with. Eyes filled with tears of sadness, happiness and anger. Anger towards himself for not able to understand. 

"I want to be with you, it is as simple and as complicated as that." You haven't moved, haven’t looked away. You waited. Waited for him to make his decision. To have this battle inside of his head and decide. “If you let me, I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much happiness you truly deserve. I will show you how much I love you. Because Bucky… There are no words to describe how I feel towards you. So simple and yet so complicated…” You chuckled and smiled a little, hoping that the words you repeated in your head for so many days will be able to go through him. 

You bit your lip and swallowed nervously when he pushed you away slightly and shook his head. No words left his lips, his eyes with no emotions, almost as the words you just spoke had no impact on him. The tears in your eyes couldn’t stop flowing, but now they were tears filled with fear and not hope. 

“I see…” You started, trying to make your voice as neutral as possible. It wasn’t his fault. You actually expected that but now that it came - the rejection - it hurt like nothing hurt before. “I… I will go…” 

“Y/N” he whispered but you shook your head. 

“It’s fine… I… need some fresh air… I will be back soon, you can choose a movie you want to watch today and… Egh… The popcorn… You know where it is…” You laughed awkwardly and turned around ready to leave the room. 

“Y/N.”

“It’s ok, Bucky. Really. Just give me a couple of minutes. I… Will be back…” And as you were about to put your hand on the door handle, you felt his presence behind you. 

“Will you let me talk, you stubborn woman?” he turned you around and you sobbed seeing a smile on his face. A beautiful smile, full of love. Love… Love towards you. “Fuck… I was... no I am still so afraid, Y/N. So afraid of hurting you, so afraid of a possibility of you hating me someday. But…” He chuckled and put his forehead over yours. “Seeing you with those tears, that broken voice I realised that I am hurting you right now… WIth my cowardness. And as long as I try to think for reasons not to let you… Not to let myself be happy, I can’t.” He smiled and kissed the top of your nose. “Because if your happiness depends on my happiness than baby… Fuck I will learn to be the happiest man alive.” Your eyes widened. and not waiting for him to add anything else, you kissed him. “I love you so goddamn much, doll!” He whispered, pulling you to his chest. “Thank you.”

[honeyhenry]

Traitor - b.b. (part 6 - FINAL)

A/N: this is the last proper part to this series, however I am keen to write an epilogue or little drabbles/hcs about this little universe so pleeeease feel free to request! I hope you enjoyed this series, I myself have loved writing it and it has challenged me greatly! Love you guys for all your support!

catch up here: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5

“I think it’s best you leave, James.”

He blinks. “what?”

“You heard me, James. Don’t make this harder. Don’t pretend that it’s not what you really want.”

His brow furrows, stepping forward towards you with a thousand questions on his lips. Before he can even attempt to speak - to disagree, to argue - you continue.

“You've been waiting for an excuse to go and here I am handing it to you on a plate. Obviously I didn’t want this to happen but you accusing me of this...it kills me...” your harsh façade fades and causes you to shrink back slightly, speaking the next words in a whisper; “you’re killing me, Buck.”

The soft nickname makes his heart ache, knowing that clearly you’ve been fighting this feeling for a while, and now you’re not ordering him to leave - you’re pleading.

“Doll-” he starts, and despite your wearied broken hope in him, you give him a pointed look that makes him think twice. “Sorry. Y/n...please hear me out...i swear it’s not what im trying to do. I’m not trying to get away from you, or Jamie-”

“How do i know its not what your subconscious is trying to do Bucky? I had to convince you that you deserved a relationship, and then that you would be such a great father and you have been the best...and here i was thinking i wouldn’t have to tell you all that again for the next one, but it seems your subconscious has come back to bite us. I can’t keep telling you how good you are at what you want, when it seems like you don’t even want it anymore. That you don’t want us anymore.”

If his heart was broken before, it’s now shattered into a million pieces right in front of you. He feels so vulnerable and in the worst possible way, the way that allows for you to slip through his fingers and leave. All because of his stupid insecurities, which ironically have now ended up being the cause fulfilling each thought fuelling his nightmares.

“I do! Baby i swear, i just panicked, about JJ, i freaked out and I should’ve never accused you...it hit a nerve, with you and Steve. It’s my worst nightmare and I swear...I swear me being like that and accusing you? It’ll never happen again. Doll please.” Bucky tries to reach for you, wanting to tilt your head towards him tenderly and let all be forgiven.

You’re not going to be so quick to forgive.

You want a fight. You just want him to fight for you.

“Yeah too right it won’t.” You turn to the kitchen and he follows as you wipe your hands on a towel before getting out some milk for JJ. The young child is always hungry, and so feeds from both your milk and some extra formula to keep him content and full. You know its Bucky’s altered genes that has given you such a little greedy guts, but he’s happy, healthy, and round as a squish, so you were content too. And it meant Bucky could feed him too, something he adored doing.

Facing the sink, you clean out a bottle. Your back is to Bucky now, and just as he's about to speak up again, you find yourself crying again. He silently moves over to you and ever so gently, touches your waist.

The muffled sob you let out makes his heart break, and he places his forehead on your shoulder sighing and holding in his own tears.You smell of baby powder and exhaustion, while he is a source of warmth and strength.

It’s almost as if he’s holding you together.

“Please baby, don’t tell me to go when I know you. I know you want to beg me to stay but you can’t because it’s me who fucked up and you’re the strongest person, the best person I know. I’ll make it all back up to you and more, everything you want, you deserve it all and more from me. I’m so sorry doll.”

As you both stay there, holding each other, navigating your emotions towards his apology to the whole situation, Bucky’s movements stutter, and you feel him tense up behind you.

He remembers your words from earlier.

“The next one” you had said, and he repeats it with a mumble before he experiences a moment of full realisation.

He completely stills in his movements. he knows you so well, even if there has been a momentary lapse in communication and contact up until this point. Bucky slides his hand from your waist to your stomach and feels a heavy guilt burdening his heart with the thought of you questioning his loyalty at any time but in particular such a time like this. His large hand covers your abdomen and he nuzzles his face into where your shoulder meets your neck, trying to get you to give in. This will do for now, he thinks.

“The next one will have a father who knows his worth in the family...doll I had no idea”

“You weren't supposed to. I only found out this morning...you threatened me James, how was I supposed to tell you?”

“You were going to let me leave while you had JJ to look after and another baby- OUR baby in your belly...honey please, talk to me.”

“I thought..maybe I’d tied you down too soon, or you weren't really that type after all. Sometimes when I’m convincing you, it’s for my benefit too. I love you Bucky but i think that means setting you free for what you’re destined for.”

He doesn't even miss a beat.

“Bullshit. You’re what I’m destined for, and I’m sorry i ever made you doubt that” he turns you gently so you’re facing him and he’s still just as close, lips right above yours, his eyes watering, praying you’ll take his sincerest of apologies as he bares his soul in the kitchen, the water heating up for JJ’s milk the only sound reverberating through the downstairs floor.

“I.....I really don’t want you to go, and it sounds selfish but i need you, Buck and i need you to trust me and be trusting in yourself for being the best man you can possibly be. For me and JJ, and now this little one too” you offer a small, somewhat hopeful smile as you place your hand on his as he softly rubs your stomach.

He swallows thickly, and replies with full honesty “I swear doll, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, and JJ, and little peanut Barnes here, too.” He looks up again, the two of you noticing how close your lips are and wow he wants nothing more than to kiss you. However he knows you better than to chance his luck right now, and so he asks his next question. “How far along?”

“Only 6 weeks, I haven't told anyone, and I’m not planning to yet, especially Steve and- yeah.”

Bucky nods, understanding.

“Good plan, darlin’”

He looks deep into your eyes as the milk machine finishes, glancing once again at your lips, and so you quickly take the chance to turn around before he can give in and ask for a kiss, or maybe even steal one if he’s fast. He’s got some making up to do, but you have a feeling you’ll be giving and receiving plenty of kisses later that night when Steve takes JJ for a spontaneous sleepover.

You fill up the milk bottle and head upstairs, followed by Bucky who gazes at you fondly every second that he’s physically able to.

You enter the nursery with the milk, all smiles looking at your handsome boy in Steve’s arms. JJ is properly giggling and he has Bucky’s sweet toothy smile that only the people currently in the room (plus very few others) have had the pleasure of truly seeing.

“Oh there’s my boy!” you exclaim “you smile just like your Daddy now that you’ve got those two big teeth coming through! Come here angel.”

Bucky looks to Steve as he hands over his precious Godson to you, and then looks back to you making yourself comfortable on the rocking chair feeding JJ his bottle.

Steve watches fondly at the small family during such an intimate time as feeding, grateful that the Barnes family allow him to stay. He finds hope that he will experience this very thing himself someday, with his own wife.

Bucky looks up at his friend, and offers a small smile, a token “thank you” as a comfortable silence fills the room, only halted by JJ’s rhythmic suckling and a splutter before the baby omits an almighty burp against you.

Steve smiles back at Bucky, just as all your laughter calms down, as if to say; ‘told you so - he’s definitely a Barnes.”

-

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Desire - Part 3

Desire Masterlist

Part 3

“Y/N, pay attention! What is going on with you?” Skylar snapped, drawing you out of your trance. She was standing in front of you, Jada, and Bethany, giving you all the rundown on the plans for your Friday night. 

“Sorry - nothing - I’m listening.” You choked out hurriedly. Honestly, you weren’t paying attention. Her ramblings about who we were going to see and where we were going couldn't matter less to you. 

“Good.” She muttered, continuing her lecture about safety and condoms and how to get in and out of the hotel quickly. 

You all donned your classic matching lingerie, black coats and heels, and got in your car to take you to the strip. 

-

“We ask for full payment upfront.” Skylar ended her spiel on our terms to the sloppy looking man in front of you. 

“I don’t think that’s gonna work this time.” He rolled his eyes, clearly extremely intoxicated. He was pushing 50, a large beer belly hanging over his unbuttoned dress pants. The three other men in the room looked about the same; all disgusting and begging for attention. 

“Well, that’s how it works. Or we leave.” She snapped back, taking a few steps back to make sure we had full vision of the door. 

“I said.” He growled, nodding his head for the other men to surround the four of you. His hand slipped into his pocket and pulled out a pistol. “I don’t think that’s gonna work this time.”

Skylar let out a small gasp and you saw her fist clench. You all had been in some pretty sticky situations, but someone pulling a gun on you had never happened. This was new and she didn’t know what to do, and that was absolutely driving her nuts. None of you knew what to do. You were all practically naked, just barely covered up by long black jackets. Stiletto heels weren’t the preferred shoe for anyone to defend themselves in, and worst of all, Skylar was the only one with a phone. She made a point to make sure no one brought their personal cell phones to a client’s; you were thinking how stupid that was at this exact moment.

“Please, we can just leave - you don’t have to give us any money.” Skylar tried to speak confidently, but you could hear her voice shaking as she held her hands up in defense. Seeing her so nervous made your stomach flip. Skylar was a few years older than you, almost thirty - she was always the one with her shit together. 

The man rolled his eyes and pointed the gun more directly at Skylar, his jaw clenched angrily. “That wasn’t an option, bitch.” He hissed, his eyes trained on hers as the other men slid their hands around all of you. You physically held back bile as you felt a rough hand slide around your neck and tighten ever so slightly. “Clothes off - now - all of you.”

All of you frantically looked over to Skylar who mouthed “I’m so sorry.” To all of you, her eyes were glassy as she slowly slipped the jacket off and let it fall to the floor. The rest of you followed suit, hoping being compliant would bring the most positive outcome - if there even was one.  

“You.” The man pointed his gun at Skylar once again, his face a bit more red at this point, but the anger on his face was still apparent. “You’re coming with me; fellas, do what you want with the others.”

“Please let us stay together.” Jada spoke up, her voice much weaker than Skylar’s had been.

“Fuck off.” The man scoffed at her and leaned forward to grab Skylar, yanking her next to his sweaty body. For a split second you thought about reaching out to try to fight your way out of this, to try and save at least one of the other girls from this. The thought went away when you felt the cool metal of a gun press up against your lower back; it seemed as though they were all packing. 

“Come with me, pretty.” A gruff voice sounded in your ear as you watched Skylar be dragged off into a separate room. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you followed the man pushing you towards another room; the gun was still pressed to your back dauntingly. As he got you into the room and shoved you inside, he shut the door behind him tightly and locked it. “On the bed.”

You complied to his request, formulating a plan in the back of your head for how you could possibly save yourself. Saving the others was impossible at this point, if you were lucky enough to escape, you weren’t going to put yourself at risk trying to get them out as well. 

To your pleasure, the man set the pistol down on the dresser as he started to undress. He was much younger than the ring leader, but still just as vile looking. He was covered in sweat and the buttons on his shirt were threatening to pop open; breathing a sigh of relief as he slid it off. He glanced up at you for a moment, his eyes hardening as he saw you just lying there blankly. “Take the fucking panties off too, you whore.” He spat at you with frustration. “Leave the shoes on.”

With shaking fingers, you started to unclamp your bra and slide your panties down your bare legs. Although nothing worse than this had happened to you, you were grateful this felt like every other client. An older man, needing a release, willing to use your body as his own. The only difference here was that there we a gun in the picture - and you weren’t getting paid. You only hoped your co-workers on the other sides of the walls weren’t being harmed. 

Not a second later, the large, sweaty body was towering over you with ravenous eyes. As badly as you wanted to shove your knee up right into his balls and smash your elbow into his nose, you weren’t confident that you could win this fight. He wasn’t in shape, but nevertheless his arms were beefy and you were sure he would be able to knock you out with one punch. The pungent smell of his body odor overwhelmed your nostrils and you shut your eyes tightly as he slid into you unprotected; this was your reality. 

-

It was maybe thirty minutes later that the man was fully asleep next to you, he had lasted maybe five minutes - surprising to you considering how badly they wanted to fuck someone. Usually these men prepped themselves with Viagra to make sure they were getting their moneys’ worth. Since this crew wasn’t paying, maybe they didn’t care about that factor. 

His snores were loud in the room as you contemplated what to do next. You couldn’t be sure the others were finished or asleep, and you didn’t want to risk waking anyone up. On the other hand, you had to get out of there. What had just happened was overwhelming you, it felt like the small hotel bedroom was closing in around you and you had to leave. 

Making the decision to at least try to leave, you rolled out of the bed quietly, glancing around the room to see if there was anything you could wear. To your chagrin, there was only this man’s peeled off clothing and your discarded lingerie. Usually, you would take it with you, but this time, you were hopeful you’d never see another pair of red silk panties again in your life. You slipped your heels off as well, knowing they would make entirely too much noise as you left. Deciding to quickly grab your thrown out jacket as you sprinted out the door, you softly opened up the bedroom door and peeked out. The lights were still on, but there was no one to be found - you could hear voices in the room next to yours and movement across the living room, but it didn’t seem like anyone was ready to come out. 

As you sprinted on your tip toes across the hotel room, you scooped up a jacket, slipped it on and easily slid out the door. You took in deep breaths as you continued to sprint down the hallway towards the staircase; you weren’t willing to wait for the elevator on the same floor in a moment like this. You shuffled down three or four floors before heading back into the hallway and pressing the elevator button. As the door sounded, you paused for a moment, realizing the metal could open to the man you just left. It was too late for you to step away as the doors slid open and you held your breath, expecting the worst. 

“You okay, darling?” A sweet older lady in what looked to be maid’s clothing was standing in the elevator, her cart of cleaning supplies in front of her. As her kind face came into view, you couldn’t help the tears that started streaming down your face. “Hey, hey, darling, what’s wrong?” She soothed as you stepped into the elevator and stood next to her as you both rode the machine down to the first floor. 

“Can - can the front desk call me a cab?” You sobbed, trying to keep your voice at bay even though you wanted to scream; you wanted to send someone up to the room to save your friends, but you knew you couldn’t.

“Of course sweetie.” She nodded and guided you towards the young man at the front desk. His eyes were judgmental, but he called you a cab regardless. 

The cleaning lady stood with you as you waited for the car; her voice kind and soothing as she told you about her night as a way to hopefully calm you down. It worked for a while; you were grateful to have run into her. Soon enough, a bright yellow car was pulling up to you and you were sliding in, waving goodbye to the woman and telling the driver your address. 

-

As you stepped onto your porch and typed your passcode into your door keypad, you felt an overwhelming sense of paranoia wash over you. What if they had followed you? What if they noticed you were gone and threatened the others? You shook the worried thoughts from your head as you stepped into your safe haven and locked the door behind you; immediately sinking down to the ground and wailing into your hands. 

This type of night had always been your worse nightmare. Working in this industry was a risk obviously, but Skylar did her research and tried her absolute hardest to make sure she was never putting any of you in danger. You were sure she was beating herself up right now. Overwhelming guilt was eating you alive as you thought about the horror they all must be experiencing. It was painful that you couldn’t just call the police and tell them what was going on; you knew Skylar wouldn’t want that. Even in Vegas, what you all did wasn’t completely legal, and you didn’t want to destroy what she built. 

Nearly an hour later, you were finally able to peel yourself up off the floor to your couch - you fumbled around the coffee table for your phone and felt another tear stream down your face as you saw an empty screen. No notifications meant Skylar and the girls were either still there, or they were hurt. You wouldn’t know for hours. 

Anxiety was coursing through your veins as you unlocked your phone and felt your finger hovering over Grayson’s contact. If you had thought about it any longer, you knew you would’ve tossed your phone away from you and tried your best to go to sleep. Except this time, you didn’t think - you pressed his name and let it ring. If someone asked, you couldn’t explain why you called him. Maybe it was because he was the only person on planet earth you could consider a friend right now? The only one who you could vent to about what just happened without fear of losing another person in your life. No, you hadn’t left him on the best terms, but he said his offer stood; and as badly as you wanted to deny it, you knew there was a part of you that wanted to take him up on it. You were shocked when he answered on the second ring. 

“Y/N?” His voice sounded through the speaker, you could hear the faint sound of a TV in the background. “Are you okay? Is everything okay? It’s… nearly 4AM?”

“No… everything is not okay.” You sobbed into the phone, sure to be embarrassed by your tears in the morning, but right now you didn’t care. “I-I can’t be alone, I can’t - I don’t know what to do-”

“Are you at home?” His voice was calm - steady - like he knew exactly what to do.

“Yes.” You whimpered, taking a deep breath to try and soothe yourself. 

“I’m on my way. Call again if there’s an emergency.” He hung up quickly and you set the phone down next to you, the tremble of your hands apparent as you tried to steady them. 

-

The knock on your door startled you; it had only been ten minutes. You peered through the peep hole before opening up, to make sure it was really Grayson on the other side. As you cracked the door open, you saw his Audi parked in your driveway - lights off and locked. 

“Y/N, what happened?” Grayson spoke softly as you let him inside, his warm hand instantly finding the small of your back as you turned to walk back towards the large couch. 

“We got wrecked, Grayson.” You whimpered, sinking into the pile of blankets on the couch as he stood in front of you, unsure where he should sit. “We - we went to a hotel - and they had a gun - and they forced us…” You shut your eyes as you tried to speak through sobs. 

“Can I hug you?” He spoke softly again, his face laced with concern as he took in the mess in front of him. Your hair was tangled around your face, mascara stained down your cheeks, lips and eyes red and swollen. You still looked beautiful to him, and the thought that someone could’ve hurt you made his blood boil. No woman deserved to be touched that way. 

“Please.” You choked out as he sat down next to you, his large arm wrapping around your upper body and pulling you into his chest. His free hand tangled into your hair and scratched lightly, doing his best to make you feel safe. “Thank you.” You murmured as you slid your arms around his waist and buried your face into him. 

“You’re welcome.” He whispered, pressing a kiss into the mess of hair on your head. 

It wasn’t long before you were dozing off, the warmth of his body was a comfort you hadn’t known in years. Knowing he was there to protect you made you feel as though you could sleep forever. Grayson on the other hand was scared to move; he didn’t want to wake you up, knowing you needed to rest more than anything. His heart ached for you; for the life you wished you could’ve had and felt like you were long gone from every being able to get. He didn’t believe that. He did feel like he could save you, whether you wanted to be saved or not. As much as he wished tonight never happened to you, he hoped maybe it would open your eyes to give his offer a chance. 

-

“Y/N?” A familiar male voice drew you from your slumber. “Y/N, your phone keeps ringing.” Grayson spoke again, your phone in his hand as he continued to hold your body against his. The sun was up now - and judging by the way the light was streaming into the room - it had been for a while. The dark circles under Grayson’s eyes told you he hadn’t slept - at least not much.

“Shit.” You hissed as you saw Skylar’s name flash across the screen. “Thank you.” You smiled softly at him as you slid the call open and held the phone to your ear. “Hi - Skylar?”

“Y/N; oh my god, thank god.” She sobbed into the speaker; making your heart wrench. “Are you okay? Where did you go? We were worried sick.”

“I’m so sorry - I was scared to text you in case one of them saw your phone.” You spoke softly, unconsciously leaning further into Grayson who was now sprawled fully out on the couch with your upper body against his. “He fell asleep right after and I sprinted out of the room - I’m so sorry, I was too scared to try to help anyone else.”

“Don’t apologize; I’m proud of you.” Skylar spoke kindly into the phone. “The rest of us are okay; we all managed to leave at about 7 this morning; I was very nicely knocked unconscious about halfway through, so we all had to wait.” Her voice was somber and it made you want to cry all over again. “I just want to apologize for getting us into this situation; I promise I did all the research, but clearly I was wrong this time. The girls and I spoke and we think it’s best if we take a few weeks off… try to recoop, yeah?”

 “I think that’s a good idea.” You whispered into the phone. “I’m glad you all are okay; please call me if there’s anything you need in the mean time.” Skylar agreed quickly and said her goodbyes and the phone call was over. 

You slid your phone onto the coffee table and sunk back into the couch; almost shutting your eyes again before you realized what had happened last night. “Grayson; could you drive me to the clinic?”

“Clinic?” He questioned, turning his head down to look at your face. 

“He - um - wasn’t kind enough to put a condom on.” You whispered, avoiding eye contact with the beautiful man you were lying with. 

“Yes; I will drive you.” His voice was chippy and short. You wanted to think he was just angry for you, but the little voice in the back of your head wondered if he thought you were gross. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, Y/N.” His back was flexed - he was so angry for you. It wasn’t uncommon for Grayson to get defensive over those he cared for. He had only had one serious girlfriend before and the day she had gotten into a car accident he felt as though his head was going to explode. The drunk driver had only injured her car, but he still wanted to kill the guy. 

“Me too.” You sighed, sitting up on the couch to head upstairs to shower and get ready for your undoubtedly stressful day. 

-

Angry little thoughts floated through your head as Grayson drove to the nearby women’s clinic. Even after scrubbing your skin raw in the shower, you couldn’t get the feeling of the sweaty man’s hot skin off of you. The warmth of your sweat-suit wasn’t enough to take the chill out of your body. Grayson had waited patiently for you to clean yourself, only spilling a few words here and there as you drove in silence.  

  As he pulled into a parking spot in the nearly empty lot, he looked over at you with a raised brow. “Do you want me to wait in the car?”  

  “Um-“ You chewed on your lip for a moment, not really sure what to say.  

  “How about I go pick us up from breakfast and I’ll meet you back here?” He offers up his own solution after seeing your hesitation. A small smile crept across your face as you realized he knew how you felt just by the look on your face. 

  “That sounds perfect.” You grinned at him as you slid out of his car, your tennis shoes somehow carried you into the office that was all too familiar to you.  

  The stark white of the walls made you feel sick to your stomach as you tried to recount how many times you had been in this place. You were grateful it existed. Finding this sort of healthcare without insurance wasn’t easy, and you were always hoping it would never go away. The kind lady at the desk got you signed in and took you back quickly – there was no one else in the lobby. All of the faces around you were familiar, but you were grateful that they never acted like seeing you was a common occurrence. Since starting this job, you had made a point to get tested at least once a month – sometimes more if you felt a little concerned by any specific client.  

  “Would you like a full blood panel as well, ma’am?” The nurse swabbing you interrupted your thoughts as she pulled your robe down and took a few steps away from you to hand the cotton swab to her counterpart.  

  “Yes, please.” You nodded at her, feeling tears well up in your eyes at the terror of not knowing what could happen next. As the nurse carefully extracted your blood, she spoke kind words to you, letting you know that single contact may not ultimately be a diagnosis sentence.  

- 

“Is everything okay?” Grayson’s voice was laced with concern as you slid into the black Audi. There was an aluminum foiled breakfast burrito waiting on the console for you; his was half eaten sitting in his hand as he spoke. 

  “I’ll find out in a few days.” You mustered up a soft smile at him as you grabbed the food. “Thank you; I can pay you back when I get home.” 

  “Don’t worry about it.” He smiled at you as he started to pull out of the parking lot, taking a bite of his burrito as you started to eat yours slowly. “Do you want to go home?” 

  “Not particularly.” You muttered;  not really sure where you wanted to be, but you knew it wasn’t alone in your house with nothing to do but think. 

  “Would you like to come to my place?” His voice held amusement and you weren’t sure why, but nevertheless, you agreed and leaned your head against the window as he began the drive. 

- 

“Wow.” You breathed as Grayson finally pulled up to a large white house settled on a large piece of land away from all neighbors. “This is all yours?” You gawked as he easily slid his Audi into the garage connected to the large house.  

 “Well, Ethan and I both used to live here, but... he’s with his wife now.” He shrugged and quickly left the car, coming around to your side to help you out.  

 “Can I ask what it is you all do?” You muttered hesitantly as you followed him in through the back door to his home; entering the most beautiful kitchen you’d ever seen in your life. 

 “We dabble... mainly real estate, but we took a lot of things over for my father when he passed.” His voice was somber as he flicked on the light, revealing the connecting family area with a full-sized L-shaped couch.  

 “Oh, I’m sorry.” The softness of your voice drew his attention from the marble countertop he was meticulously setting his keys and wallet on. “It’s really impressive how well you all are doing for yourselves at such a young age.” 

 “It is, but I would give it all up to have my dad back.” He smiled softly at you, slipping his grey hoodie over his head and setting it on the back of a bar stool. “Do you want to go back to sleep? Maybe watch a movie?” 

 “A movie sounds good.” You slid your tennis shoes off by the door and padded behind him to the couch. As you sunk into the cushiony fabric, you let out a soft moan and were sure you had never felt something more comfortable. Grayson let out a soft chuckle and just nodded at you in understanding as he started to flip through Netflix.  

“I have no idea what this is, but I have a feeling neither of us will stay awake for the whole thing anyways.” The remote was soon tossed back onto the coffee table and Grayson’s large body was falling down onto the couch next to you, his strong arm wrapping around your shoulders. Without thinking, he pulled you closer to him as he went to lay flat, his legs intertwined with yours. It wasn’t until your breathing hitched and he felt you wiggle that he realized this wasn’t normal – he barely knew you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I didn’t mean to – it was just muscle memory -” 

 “It’s okay.” You spoke slowly, willing yourself to calm down. Yes, you had woken up in Grayson’s arms this morning, but the feeling of a man moving your body around so easily made you uneasy. Prior to this morning, the last time you had been wrapped up like this by someone you actually... liked... was years ago. “Just different for me.” 

 “Different?” His face was now behind yours, but you could hear the confusion easily in his voice.  

 “I haven’t cuddled with someone in at least two years.” You shrugged, nuzzling your head into his bicep that was supporting your neck.  

 “You’re kidding.” He dead-panned, his heart twisting again in the way it had last night. As you shook your head no to show him you were serious, you felt his arm draped over your mid-section tighten around you and pull you closer to him. “If it were up to me you’d get it every night.” 

 “Oh?” You giggled at his choice of words; knowing what he meant, but unable to keep a straight face at what he insinuated.  

 “No - no not like that!” He backtracked, tossing his head back into the couch in embarrassment. “Well - like that but not like that - “ 

 “Shh...” You soothed him, softly rubbing the back of his palm that was pressed flat against your stomach. “Relax and watch the movie.” 

 Frantic thoughts continued to race through your mind as the mediocre movie played on the giant TV. Grayson’s hand was subconsciously tracing circles on your clothed stomach; each breath he took moved your body as well. You were angry at yourself that you couldn’t just sit still and enjoy this – this was one of the hottest men you’d been around in a long time and he was willing to just lie here and hold you. Maybe it was the fact that you still felt like you didn’t really know him? Sure, he had made an effort to see you a few times and came to your crying phone call when you needed him; but did you really know Grayson Dolan? Could you trust that he would never hurt you the way you felt hurt not even 24 hours ago? Beyond that, you were having constant anxiety about what was going to happen with your job. The four of you had just gone through the worst experiences of your careers as workers and you were expected to just suck it up and try again in a few weeks? You weren’t sure you would ever be able to set foot into another hotel room again.  

 “Are you okay?” Grayson muttered into your hair his mouth was pressed into. “Your heart is going like... 100 miles per hour.” 

 “I’m just scared.” You whispered, shutting your eyes for a second; hoping he would understand. 

 “It’s okay to be scared, Y/N.” All gruffness of his voice as gone and replaced with buttery smoothness. It felt like he knew exactly what to say at all times. You felt him press a soft kiss to the top of your head and begin to hug you closer to him; you turned around in his arms to stop him and pressed your forehead against his chest. “Shh..” His arms wrapped around your upper body as hot tears streamed down your face.  

 Grayson felt like he was holding a broken piece of treasure in his arms; he saw how much you had to offer and how beautiful you were, but there were so many broken pieces to put back together. Romance had always been a prominent factor in his life, but he wasn’t sure if was ready – or able – to take on the daunting task that was you. Whether he was ready or not, he knew he wanted to help you put yourself back together. Tiny arms snaked around his waist in return, the thin material of his t-shirt was easily soaking through as you continued to sob into him. He didn’t care. You could ruin every single thing he owned and he wouldn’t be mad at you.  

 If someone asked him to explain how in the world a last-minute bachelor party idea turned into this, he wouldn’t be able to. Telling Ethan what was going on was still challenging for him and he hadn’t mustered the courage up yet – especially after Ethan spent that entire night crying in the bathroom. He felt so horrible for even inviting the women over before he was set to get married. Thankfully, he didn’t act on anything, but just having them there was enough to make him feel like the world’s worst fiance.  

 When Grayson had told him how cool the girl he spent the night with was, Ethan had gawked at him like he had three heads. Letting him know what kind of people those women were and how Grayson had no business being associated with anyone like that. Grayson had taken the slander quietly, not wanting to speak up about how he thought you were really a good girl in a bad situation. 

 It wasn’t long before your tears had subsided and turned into soft puffs of air letting him know you were asleep. He took a second to admire your swollen and red face, dark hair splayed out across your face and his couch – you were beautiful. Warm lips soon pressed up against your flushed forehead, he held them there for a few seconds before pulling back and settling in to fall asleep.