#someone be my friend on here since I can’t find any irl

[sufyonstevens]

Anyone also returning to superhell after many years sober and want to do a complete rewatch together (maybe as a lead up to a s16 revival shhh)? I need the emotional support for this and my therapist can only hear so much :((

[daisyvisions]

Change Your Mind - (l.jy)

➺ Pairing: fboy best friend!Juyeon x afab!reader

➺ Summary: You befriend your college’s resident fuckboy who’s been eager to get with you since day one. But after a rollercoaster of emotions between your friendship, he wants you more than you could ever imagine.

➺ Word Count: 4k (wow who is she?!)

➺ Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI), friends to lovers, mentions of partying, drinking alcohol, fuckboy tendencies (flirting, hookups, ghosting), lying to reader (at first), lots of kissing and making out, dry humping, oral (f! receiving), slight handjob and masturbation, unprotected sex (but he pulls out), aftercare, pet names (sweetheart, baby), a lovesick Juyeon

➺ A/N: I’m officially back from my break! Really wanted to take some time off and focus on things irl, can’t really say if the break helped bcos I was still stressed haha but anyway!This took me a while to finish up, felt incredibly rusty writing again but glad I was still able to do it 😭 Considering this as my late birthday greeting for Juyeon. Hope you enjoy this piece! Proofread once. Let me know if I missed anything!

➺ Network & Tag: @deoboyznet, and my girlies @aimeecarreros @snowflakewhispers @winterchimez

If anyone told you that you’d end up becoming best friends with one of the most sought out guys in your campus (and not to mention resident fuck boy), you would’ve laughed at their face. All your life you’ve tried to avoid befriending guys like Juyeon. A guy like him just generally gave you the ick.

You never understood how or why people would want to be friends with someone whose only objective is to get into girl’s pants and be praised for it. Not only that, but also playing with someone’s feelings and just dropping them at an instant was wrong on so many levels.

But here you are, lending him a helping hand while you two clean out his living room after throwing yet another one of his bi-weekly parties, which was usually code for “Please let me at least make out with someone tonight.”

It’s crazy how you consider him one of your bestest friends. In another world you both knew this friendship would never work out. You were both opposite of each other in so many ways!

So how did you even end up becoming friends with Juyeon?

Transferring to a different university in the middle of the semester was one of the worst things that could've happened to you. Not only did you have to adjust to a new set of lesson plans and navigate your way around campus, but you also had to sit alone during lunch since practically everyone already knew each other from freshman year and had their own set of cliques.

During your first week, you thought you could at least find a table you could sit with just by going up to the group you vibed with the most and ask politely. But you decided to just sit by yourself instead and avoid any embarrassing introductions. You refused to be known as the weird new girl (which you already felt like one to begin with.)

You tried to fight off the tears emerging from the corners of your eyes as you sat quietly in the corner of the cafeteria, slowly poking the food on your tray as you try to drown out the noise around you.

You wish you didn’t have to transfer and leave everything and everyone you knew behind. Yes, you can still call or text your friends, but you knew it was different than actually being with them on campus.

You were convinced you’d be alone for the rest of your years in college. No friends to hang out, laugh, or cry with. No one to go through the same struggles as you. No one to tell you that everything was going to be okay. You were definitely on your own until-

“Hey.” The voice suddenly snapping you out of your self-loathing as you look up and see probably one of the most handsome men you have ever seen in your life.

The way his eyes held so much love, how his smile could light up anyone’s day, and how his aura was something you never felt with anyone before. He was practically radiating sunshine to your already gloomy day. It almost felt too good to be true… Because what the hell was he doing here in front of you?

“…Hi?” You sit up straight as you try to subtly dab off the tears in your eyes.

“I couldn't help but notice you sitting here all alone.” The man gently says.

Great, the first thing he notices about you is how much of a loser you are. But before you could even say anything back he continues on.

“Would you like to come sit with us? We have some space for you at our table.” He slowly smiles at you. You hesitated at first, confused by the whole situation but quickly made up your mind.

“Uh… yeah, sure! If it’s not any trouble.” You shyly respond.

“Of course not! Can’t let a pretty thing like you be all alone on her first week here right?” He holds out his hand to you.

“How did you-”

“I’m Juyeon.” He interrupts you again. You tell him your name, your cheeks slowly warming up as your hand intertwines with his as he looks deeply into your eyes.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” He smirks. You felt the butterflies raging within your stomach.

“So, let’s go?” He waits for your response, but you shyly nod your head instead as proper words get caught up in your throat. Grabbing his hand as you stand up and follow his lead.

You try not to make a fool out of yourself as you feel Juyeon’s hand rest on your lower back as you guides you through the sea of people. As you two are walking towards his table he leans close to your ear and whispers,

“We’re gonna be best friends, I promise.”

And ever since that day Juyeon really did keep his promise. He helped you catch up with some of the lesson plans you had, guided you around school, and always made sure to leave a space for you beside him during lunch.

You tried to wrap your brain around the idea of how someone like Juyeon just randomly entered your life and swept you off your feet. At first you felt like you were on cloud nine getting the most attention and almost boyfriend-like treatment from him. But as the weeks went by you soon discover that his reputation actually preceded him more than you thought.

You see, it was no secret that Juyeon was somewhat of a playboy. Well, somewhat was an understatement. During the first few weeks since you became friends he would walk you to class almost every time. In those moments you couldn’t understand why people would give you such weird looks or whisper to each other whenever you two would pass by.

Maybe it was because you stuck out like a sore thumb as the new girl? You decided not to mind it for a while, pushing down the thought that you were just overthinking all of this… that is until you accidentally learned about his reputation and the real reason why he approached you that day.

It was an accident. You were never meant to find out anything about Juyeon. But during a party that he brought you to, a certain loosed-lip drunk friend (Eric) decided to spill everything to you, down to every letter and detail imaginable.

To be honest, it didn’t bother you when you found out that Juyeon was indeed a fuck boy. You saw the signs as the weeks passed by.

The way he would flirt with someone while waiting for you to finish class, how the notifications on his phone would show a name of a different girl every week, and even the subtle touches he would leave on you which were definitely not considered friendly but not perverted either. What bothered you the most was finding out the reason why he even wanted to be friends with you.

“He’s been really working up to have his way with you, you know? And I mean who could blame him? Have you seen yourself? You’re so fucking hot-” Eric rambles on to you as he tries to lean his body against the wall to keep himself upright, slowly inching his way closer to you. You felt your blood boil in that moment, completely ignoring Eric’s advances.

How could Juyeon do this to you? Even after everything you shared with him about your life, your struggles, your secrets too? And to think you were starting to feel like he could be a really great friend to you. But this? Hell no. You were not about to let some handsome sleazy guy use you like that. Not in this or any lifetime.

You nearly crush the plastic red cup in your hand before storming out of the house, intentionally pushing past Juyeon’s shoulder in the way as he tries to approach you with the most concerned look you had ever seen on his face.

He ran after you that night. He even dropped on his knees begging for forgiveness in front of a crowd of drunk college people too. Over the top sure, but somehow you knew his apology wasn’t just a one and done thing.

And after the humiliating lecture you gave him as well as the list of promises he had said he will be doing in order to make up for his mistakes, you decided to give him another chance.

In return of accepting his apology, you offered to help him get out of his fuck boy tendencies and be his “guardian angel”. Juyeon was reluctant of the idea at first because it would mean he couldn’t be free to do as he pleased but he eventually gave in. He had to because well… He did owe you a lot for lying to you in the first place.

Somewhere in your mind you knew this could turn out to be a bad idea. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me, or however the saying goes. But Juyeon was different.

You knew somewhere in that deep conceited mind of his there was a version of him that was actually a good guy. A guy that can actually learn how to not fool around and maybe one day, find someone worth changing for.

You can tell it was a struggle for him at the beginning. But eventually he started to lessen the flirting, the hookups, the ghosting, and more.

Gone were the days where Juyeon had a line of women wrapped around his fingers (because they were too many of them to count). Dating was still a thing for him, but he had said and even showed you that he would take them seriously and not just move onto the next one as easily as he did before.

Eventually you realized over time that Juyeon turning over a new leaf was also becoming a struggle for you especially at parties when he would come up to you nearly drunk out of his mind, his subconscious would revert back to his old habits and he would act them all out on you.

His hands subtly snaking around your hips, your waist, how he would brush the hair off your neck and leave a warm kiss on shoulder. The way he would smile at you like a lovesick fool, never leaving your side as he attempts to drop his corny pickup lines.

Or the way he would jokingly confess how badly he wanted to kiss you. You knew he wasn’t in the right state of mind, that he was just being his old self. But it really did confuse you because sometimes it felt all too real.

Now you understood why someone could fall so easily for Juyeon. It was second nature to him.

You tried so hard not to give into his appetite especially in those moments. But it was becoming difficult each time since you the crush you had on him from the first day you met was screaming to be set free, desperate to overtake your heart and soul and just allow him to do as he pleased, no matter the consequences.

The many “what-if’s” that crossed your mind when you were alone in your room at night had plagued you constantly. Your walls were starting to crack and it was making you lose your self control around him.

“Maybe one little kiss wouldn’t hu-” No. You shouldn’t. The whole point of staying friends with Juyeon was to guide him to being a better person. It wasn’t about you or how you felt at all!

But… how bad could it be to become selfish just one moment in your life?

“Wow, I’m so tired.” Juyeon plops down on the sofa as you finish up collecting all the empty bottles and cups around the room. After the last bottle was thrown inside the trash bag you washed your hands and plopped right next to him.

You instantly close your eyes and let out a huge sigh of relief, showing the same exhaustion as he felt. As you stay silent and enjoy this quiet moment, Juyeon can’t help but just stare at you. He watches how your chest slowly moves up and down and tries to commit to memory the little details of your face.

You look so beautiful right now, he thinks to himself. As you always have since the first time he saw you. But he pushes down the feeling deep within his gut, having given up pursuing you a while back. But it doesn't hurt to look every once in a while right?

As soon as you open your eyes again, you catch him staring at you with a look in his eyes you can’t quite read. You chuckle at how silly he’s being and turn your body slightly to face him.

“What?” You ask.

“I-It’s nothing.” He shakes his head.

“C’mon, what is it? You can tell me.” You semi pout, and how can Juyeon say no to you?

“I was thinking-”

“Oh no he’s thinking.” You fake gasp and giggle as he playfully nudges your shoulder in return.

“It’s just- I still can’t believe how we ended up as friends despite everything, you know?” He smiles gently.

“Me too.” You respond, “To be honest, if I had known about your reputation before we met I would’ve rejected you that day.”

“Yeah?” Juyeon’s eyes grow wider as he scoots closer to you. He places his hand on your knee, making you become nervous all of a sudden. “And why is that?”

“W-well…” you feel a lump forming in your throat, the way his cologne invades your thoughts and has your head slowly spinning. Is it getting hot in here or is that just you?

“Because, guys like you just aren’t my type that’s all. And well-”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Juyeon interrupts you as he looks into your eyes. You nod in response.

“I haven't been with anyone else ever since that night you confronted me about my behavior.” He pauses for a moment. Dead silence filled the air as he waited for your response while you tried to grasp what he was trying to say.

“Huh? What about that girl you were with last week? Or the one you were texting?” You softly ask.

“I... I lied about them.” Juyeon looks away from you, afraid to look at your reaction. He looks up at the ceiling, pushing down any regret he’s feeling at the moment admitting the truth to you.

“But, why?” Your voice laced with concern.

“It felt wrong to be with those girls. To even think about kissing or touching them the way I would've back then, because…” He looks back at you, his hand on your knee now traveling up to your lap.

“…All I ever thought about in those moments was you.”

You felt your heart running a mile a minute. Eyes widening at his sudden confession.

“God you’re so beautiful it kills me inside.” he raises his hand and cups your jaw, thumb slowly stroking your cheek as his gaze turns into something more than just lust.

You subtly catch him quickly looking at your lips, your eyes nearly fluttering shut as he leans in closer. And with your lips just millimeters apart, he suddenly stops.

“But who am I kidding? I know you don’t see me that way-” Juyeon retracts his head, his face expressing a certain kind of sadness you can’t seem to properly label. You can feel your heart pounding in your ears as you watch him slowly slip away from you.

“Juyeon I-”

“It’s alright, I’m probably drunk. Just- forget what I said.” He shakes his head, but before he can attempt to get up from the couch, you grab his wrist. “No.” You sternly say.

Juyeon slowly sits back down on the couch and scoots really close to you, thighs pressing against one another. His eyes don’t leave yours, waiting for what you have to say or do.

“S-show me. Show me you mean it. Every word you just said.”

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to tell me that.” Juyeon lunges forward and wastes no time as he leans in to kiss you. His pillowy lips feeling like heaven as he guides your lips with his, both melting into one another like it was always meant to be.

As your arms start to wrap around his neck Juyeon pulls you in closer, his body slowly falls backwards onto the couch. His hands desperately grabbing your hips to make you straddle his lap.

Juyeon whimpers into your mouth as soon as his straining bulge rubs against your core. His member throbs harder as you begin to roll your hips subconsciously.

He’s fucked way too many times to count but for some reason, grinding yourself onto his crotch makes him feel like an untouched virgin all over again.

He swears he can burst inside his boxers any second now if you keep doing this to him, especially with the soft little moans coming out of your mouth that sound so sweet.

Juyeon pulls away from your lips and starts to kiss your neck, mapping out his kisses until he finds the spot that makes you melt into a puddle. He knows he’s found that spot as your moans become louder and drag on longer.

He starts to wrap his arms around your torso and without warning, he flips you both over, making you squeal as he giggles at your reaction. His eager hands waste no time to unbutton your jeans as he continues to leave marks on your neck. You slightly push him away as you feel him slowly sneaking one hand into your pants.

“Wait-” You grab his wrist before he goes any further.

“Do you want to stop?” He waits for your answer.

“No it’s not that.” Your eyes close for a moment as you catch your breath.

“It’s- well- It’s been a while I've done this. I- I might not be good for you.” Juyeon senses the worry in your eyes. He leans down to kiss the space between your eyebrows, his free hand caressing your cheek.

“Oh sweetheart… you’ll always be too good for me.” He smiles down at you. “You sure you still want this?” You nod your head instantly.

“Use your words baby, need to hear you say it. Tell me what you want.” His hand travels to your neck and gives it a soft squeeze. The act alone is enough to get you dizzy again.

“Want you- want you to touch me, please.” You look up at him so innocently.

Juyeon leans in to kiss you passionately once more, his tongue immediately intertwining with yours. He helps you out of your pants in the process not wanting to pull his lips away from yours until he tugs the hem of your shift and lifts it off, leaving you wearing nothing but your underwear on.

His kisses start to travel oh so slowly from your lips all the way to your inner thighs. Juyeon can feel himself pre cumming at the deep inhale of your panty covered core. The wet patch luring him in to kiss it and practically mouth your covered folds.

You let out yet another ethereal moan as your fingers weave through his hair. His hands slowly pull the garter of your underwear down, throwing the damp material behind him as he continues on with his ministrations.

Juyeon wastes no time and grabs the back of your thighs and placing them over his shoulder, making sure that his face is locked onto your throbbing core. He kisses your folds before suddenly darting his warm wet tongue between them, reveling in the taste of you before flicking your sensitive bud. He looks up to watch your reactions, which motivate him to keep on going.

“P-please…” You whine as he hums and sucks on your clit. Juyeon doesn’t even need you to tell him what you want, by the sound of your moans and the way your thighs slowly squeeze his head he knows you’re getting closer to the edge.

He nearly lets go himself when you reach your high without warning, the sudden burst of your essence onto his lips as you moan out his name was something he never thought would feel so divine.

He pulls himself up and goes back to kissing you, tasting yourself on his tongue has your core throbbing for him once again. Your hands hastily helping him unbutton his own pants along with his boxers as he pulls them down and kicks them to the side.

Your mouth waters at the sight of his impressive length, your hand instantly wrapping around his member as you stroke him slowly. “Oh s-shit.” He growls into your ear.

“Want you inside me Juyeon, want you to fuck me.” You whisper in his ear. He grabs your wrist to stop, holding his own member as he aligns it with your entrance.

“Don’t want to fuck you-” He mumbles. You pull away from him, confused by his words. His other hand grabs the back of your neck as he pulls your face closer to his.

“-Want to make love to you.” He whispers into your mouth. And before you know it he’s pushing his entire cock inside you, bottoming out instantly. You both moan into each other’s mouths at the stretch. Juyeon moves his hips slowly as he starts to fuck you deeply, making sure you feel all of him going in and out of your pussy.

Juyeon wishes this moment could last forever, but the way your walls grip onto his member like a vice brings him closer to the edge faster than he had hoped. Especially with how you’re moaning into his mouth and wrapping your arms around his neck so tight? He was a goner.

He’s never fucked anyone like this before, and now he can’t imagine doing this with anyone else except you.

With every deep thrust, you feel yourself on the verge of cumming for the second time. Each stroke hitting that sweet spot in you has you reaching for the stars.

“Fuck Juyeon, you’re gonna make me cum again.” You whine as the wet sounds you're both making has you feeling dizzy.

“C’mon sweetheart, cum on my cock. God you can keep cumming on my cock as much as you want I don’t care.” His thrusts start to pick up the pace. “I’m yours forever.”

Those three words were enough to snap the coil within, breathing heavily as your walls flutter around his length. You’re so caught up in your own head you don’t realize Juyeon uttering a string of whimpers until you feel him quickly pull out his cock and blow his load all over your stomach.

The both of you take a moment to calm down from your highs before Juyeon gets up to each for the box of tissue on the coffee table. You watch him gently clean you up before he pulls his boxers back on to find your discarded underwear and also helps you put it back on.

He hovers above you before leaning down to leave small kisses around your face and on your lips. You caress his cheek slowly as he leans into your touch.

“Did you mean it? Everything you said?” You softly ask him.

“Down to every letter.” He responds. “But… I think you broke me.”

“Broke you? How?” You playfully scrunch your eyebrows at him.

“Don’t want to see myself with anyone else now.”

“Oh really?” You raise an eyebrow. “And how should I fix it then?” He smirks and kisses you again,

“Let me take you out on a date and we’ll call it even.”

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Runaway Princess (M) ~Bang Chan

Pairing: RoyalKnight!Chan x Princess!Reader Themes: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Strangers to Lovers, AU - Mediaeval Setting Warnings: mentions and depictions of domestic abuse (unrelated to Chan), graphic depictions of intercourse (smut warnings under the cut). hope i didn’t miss anything Word Count: ~16k | AO3 Summary: Your best friend has sent her most trusted knight to help you escape your abusive home, an intriguing man with many facets you can’t wait to uncover.

Author’s Note: this piece started as just the mountain scene… but before i knew i wanted to expand more on it, blacked out, and suddenly it was twice as long. anyway, if you’re reading this, hope you enjoy! know that feedback is always appreciated.

Due to all the abovementioned warnings, this story is intended for an adult audience only. Minors please do not interact.

Smut Warnings: dirty talk? i guess, fingering (F.Rec), handjob, oral (M.Rec, F.Rec only implied), dry humping, nipple play (F.Rec), cumshot, unprotected penetration (there’s an unspoken notion that pulling out prevents pregnancy, this is all purely fictional, please protect yourselves irl!).

Disclaimer: the story represented in this work does not represent Stray Kids in any way; anything described in this story and all actions performed by the characters are purely fictional, this was created just for good fun.

“Who are you?!”

Finding yourself being pulled into a stable at dawn was not something you expected to happen today when you decided to go on a walk, much less finding the person that had pulled you into said stable to be a man you didn’t know.

“I’m sorry for the… Well, the unconventional method to get you to meet me”, the man gave you an apologetic smile, and a short bow of his head. “My name’s Chan, Your Highness. I am a knight of Queen Naeel’s guard. Her Majesty sent me here”.

Your eyes widened at the mention of Naeel’s name, your guard lowering just slightly. Now that the initial fight or flight feeling wore off, you took your time to analyse the man in front of you. Chan was… A handsome young man. He was certainly built like a knight as far as you could tell, very broad, his stance ready for any sudden movement you could make.

You scanned his face for a moment, trying to find any semblance of a lie in his expression. A mess of brown curls on his head, warm brown eyes, a big nose, plump lips, and a scar going from his right eyebrow to the middle of his cheek were all the details you could focus on, his attire that of someone who had indeed prepared for a handful of months travelling from one realm to the other. Interesting… Definitely a handsome young man, but no semblance of lies just yet.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” 

“I have this as proof”, Chan reached for his pocket, taking out what looked to be a piece of cord and handing it over to you. “Her Majesty said that would be enough…” He sounded sceptical, and you couldn’t blame him. The thing was composed of several different colours of ribbons tied together, the fabric worn down and the colours washed out from years and years of use, a single star charm tied to the middle. You knew he was telling the truth as soon as you saw it, since you kept an exact copy but with a sun charm around your ankle.

Queen Naeel and you had been friends for years. When you met, you were both tiny little princesses, your parents had taken you both to a grand ball in the realm that separated yours, a friendship that bloomed through correspondence and even more meet-ups as you grew up. You had not known platonic love until you got close to her, and to this day she was probably one of the few reasons why you were still breathing in the first place.

“Why… Why are you here?” You eyed Chan carefully, your fist closing over the friendship anklet, shaking slightly in your tight hold.

“Her Majesty said–and please forgive me, Your Highness, these were her exact words–that she couldn’t let you continue living with your bitch-ass father”, Chan grimaced slightly, and you couldn’t help but chuckle–yeah, that definitely sounded like her. “She read your last letter and got worried, so she sent me to help you escape”.

You father… He was the king of your realm, a powerful man who had only ever known greed and lust. He resented your existence, it was something he never let you forget, he would remind you at any chance he got how your birth brought the death of ‘the only woman he had ever loved’–something you doubted was true, as that man had proven time and time again that he was incapable of feeling any form of love.

As you grew up, your father kept showing more and more distaste towards you. You were just like any other girl, rowdy, adventurous, with a thirst for knowledge that could hardly be quenched by the numerous volumes in the royal library. ‘You should be focusing on embroidery and all those things princesses do, not on riding those damn horses and getting all dirty in the royal gardens’ the worst part was that you did like those things, too. You loved embroidery and needlework, and you doubted other princesses didn’t enjoy riding horses or climbing trees, there was no way you were any different from any other girl out there.

Your suspicions were confirmed the first time you finally met other princesses, the exposure to other girls your age finally cementing in you the fact that your father simply hated you. It didn’t matter what you said or did, he would hate you regardless, so you stopped fighting him altogether, opting to keep your mouth shut when he spit his hateful words at you–it was a lost fight before it even started, after all.

By the time you were fifteen he had already remarried, his new wife birthing a son shortly after, finally displacing you from the picture completely. ‘Who wants a rude, daft princess when I finally have a prince of my own?’ you heard him tell one of his advisors once, you wouldn’t lie, the words stung, they hurt, and you spent days holed up in your room crying–not like anyone cared much about it anyway, if anything, only your maids showed concern when you eventually had stopped eating. Your father, his council members, your step-mother, none of them really cared about you.

A sigh passed your lips as you looked at the anklet in your hand. “Do you even have a plan, or did my dear friend send you here on a whim?” Your friend could be very… Spontaneous, to put it simply. Some would even say she was a bit eccentric, but regardless of her odd ways, she had a strong sense of morality. If she believed something was wrong she would act immediately, ‘let’s just do it! We can always figure out the details later!’ She would often say, which, judging by the sheepish smile on Chan’s lips, was probably exactly what she had told him before sending him here.

“I’ve been trying to come up with something, but… It’s my first time in your kingdom, to be honest, so I don’t know my way around that well”, Chan simply shrugged. “Based on what Her Majesty has told me about you, though, I was hoping we could figure something out together, Your Highness”.

You figured it wouldn’t be hard to leave, considering your presence was hardly ever noticed in the castle anyway. So, after informing Chan of an inn he could stay at for the next few days, you two began to plot your escape. You would have to travel for months, so your baggage had to be kept at a minimum, clothes only as necessary, money, a few toiletries you refused to let go of, and the odd knick-knack with sentimental value were the only things you thought you might need. Chan seemed to agree with you, but he stressed the importance of the right clothes to take with you, no dresses or gowns, only garments that wouldn’t obstruct your mobility, and thick coats were a must since you were going to cross snowy mountains.

Throughout the next handful of days you set on the task to gather your supplies as inconspicuously as you could, getting them out of the castle in small batches to not attract suspicions. The thick coats were the first ones to go since they were the heaviest, you brought them to the inn Chan was staying at for safe keeping, and the rest soon followed, until five days later you were able to bundle everything neatly so you could strategically place it on your horse after–a suggestion Chan gave you alleging that ‘it’ll be easier for her if you distribute the weight’, which made sense to you.

On your last day in your father’s castle, you gathered as many jewels as you could, as well as any gold and silver coins you had stashed away for safe-keeping throughout the years. Deep down, you had always had the idea of escaping, so you had saved up, even if you hardly ever entertained the idea. You never had the guts to go through with it because you knew you wouldn’t have been able to make it on your own. Now, though, your best friend and her trusted knight had given you the support you needed, so you took it, finally releasing yourself from your father’s abusive grasp.

You wouldn’t lie, your first week was hard. You hadn’t realised how privileged you were. Sure, you had been emotionally and physically abused for years, but you’d always had food and shelter and comfort… The first night you had to camp out you could hardly get any sleep, the floor was uneven, and the noises of the night scared you. ‘Don’t worry, princess… I got you. I won’t let anything happen to you’ Chan had gently offered when he saw your panicked expression after a particularly loud noise. And, in a way, that did comfort you a bit.

Chan… Chan was gentle, he was proper, and so well mannered… At least, he was when he talked to you. As the days went by, you’d catch glimpses of his other facets, particularly when he thought you weren’t close enough to hear, and it intrigued you. When you two went to any tavern to get some sustenance, and you’d separate from him for one reason or another, you could hear him talk with the attendant, or with another customer, and it was as if he was a completely different person–or rather, a different version of himself. Looser, cheekier, and with a mouth that would put any sailor to shame–all that gone and replaced with his stoic, responsible, and sensible side as soon as you came close and he noticed your presence. It was fascinating, really. And you would lie if you said your curiosity hadn’t been piqued.

You started to notice Chan loosen up around two weeks into your journey. His stance around you relaxed, he’d joke more, tease more, and it gave you a very diluted taste of that Chan you had secretly seen–and heard–talking with anyone other than you. You tried your best to make him feel comfortable around you, but you also tried your best to press his buttons, to get him to react to you, to annoy him a bit. 

You quickly found out that Chan liked to lead, to be in control, and oftentimes–in situations that weren’t that serious–you enjoyed defying him, you enjoyed seeing the way his jaw clenched and his gaze shifted, almost, almost as if he wanted to put you in your place, but as soon as you saw that shift in him, you relented, hearing the shaky intake of breath and seeing the whiplash of his own emotions reflected in his eyes.

“How far are we?” You asked out of curiosity as you absentmindedly pushed the bright embers with a stick.

“I’d say… We probably have a bit more than a month and a half to go, Your Highness”, Chan simply looked at the bonfire, at how you pushed the burning pieces around. “Why? Are you not enjoying the super comfortable soil at night, princess?” There was a glint of a teasing tone in his voice, that bit of sarcasm that intrigued you, that piqued your interest, and it made you snort, such an un-princess-like reaction that you knew your father would’ve punished you for as soon as he heard it.

“I’ll take the forest’s soil every night if it means being away from that goddamned castle”, you commented, taking the stick out of the fire and waving it in the air to put out the small flame that had clung to it. “Oddly enough, sleeping on the ground feels more comfortable than being trapped within those walls”.

You could feel Chan’s eyes burning on your side profile, almost as if he was pondering while he scrutinised your face. There was usually distance between you and Chan, both physically and metaphorically, but tonight, as you sat thigh against thigh by the bonfire trying to keep yourselves warm, you could almost, almost feel how those reservations of his were diminishing slowly, but steadily.

“Your Highness, if I may… Why did Her Majesty send me to get you? What was happening in there with your father?” Chan surprised you when he asked such a personal question, and it was almost as if he could infer what happened, but he wanted to be certain of it, why he wanted to know, though, you weren’t sure. “You know how Queen Naeel can be, she didn’t give me any details other than what I told you when we met…”

Your eyes were fixed on the dancing flames in front of you as you took in a deep breath. “My father… My father is a man that doesn’t know love. He claims he does, but he doesn’t. He blames me for my mother’s death, says that, had I not been growing in her, she wouldn’t have died trying to bring me into this world. Stupid, isn’t it? Blame me, who didn’t ask to be brought here in the first place, while he himself put me in there. He’s just mad she died not giving him a son”.

It was as if a dam broke, words falling out of your mouth endlessly with no way to stop them. You told him everything that had happened to you–maybe in too much detail, you’d admit. You told him how your father treated you–or rather, mistreated you–how you were ignored, treated as a lesser being in your own home, how you couldn’t simply be you, you couldn’t exist. Food was kept from you when you spoke out of line, you were confined to your chambers when you didn’t behave as you were expected to, those workers that came too close to you would be discharged as soon as your father found out, and whenever you did anything your father deemed unworthy, not princess-like, not to his standards, he’d hit you. With a stick, with an iron rod, with his hands, with whatever he could reach at the time.

Chan listened intently to every single word that left your mouth, and you hadn’t even realised you were crying until you felt his hand holding yours, the soft caress of his thumb on your knuckles easing the trembles you didn’t even know were coursing through you.

“I’m… I’m sorry, princess”, was all he said as he held your hand.

“There’s no need for that”, you hiccuped as you used your sleeve to wipe some of the tears on your face. “The only one that should be sorry is him… And even then, I’m not sure I would ever be able to forgive him”.

“You don’t really have to, princess”, Chan offered, his tone gentle. “There are things in this world that can’t be forgiven. The notion that we must forgive to heal our wounds is… Is not for everyone. Not in my opinion, at least”.

“I think that’s a fair opinion to have”, you moved your gaze from where it was fixed on your joined hands so you could look him in the eyes. Chan was already looking at you, the light of the bonfire had his brown eyes almost sparkling, and you couldn’t help but feel your breath catching in your throat under his heavy gaze. Using every bit of royal tricks you had, you put up your walls, trying to appear more collected than you were when you finally spoke again. “Have you done it before?”

Chan blinked slightly, almost as if your question had startled him. “Done what, Your Highness?”

“Heal without forgiving”, your eyes jumped around his face, taking in his features, his lips, his nose, his eyes, his scar… Had he been sitting this close the entire time? You could practically count every individual eyelash, and if you were completely honest with yourself, it was quickening your heartbeat more than you would like to admit.

“I have”, Chan replied simply, his eyes seemed to be also taking in your features for a moment, until he finally let go of your hand, bringing it instead to his face, pointing to his scar. “Both physically and emotionally”.

You wanted to inquire more, to learn the story behind the scar on his face, but before you could, Chan stood up from the ground, huffing an ‘anyway, you should sleep, Your Highness’, effectively ending the conversation.

Something shifted between you two that night. You had expected Chan to treat you differently, perhaps trying to act sympathetic around you, or trying to act as if he were walking on eggshells when he talked to you after you told him what had happened to you, what had been done to you. Instead, he just opened up more, showing you more of that other side of him–not fully, but just… More. And it dawned on you then that at that moment, Chan started to see you, to really see you. As a person, as a woman, not some entity, some mindless princess living the perfect royal life. He’d joke even more, tease you even more, and he’d play along when you defied him, and it was fun. 

‘Be careful, princess’, he’d tell you when you got a bit too close to the edge, when you had pressed his buttons a bit too much. ‘Or what? What are you going to do about it?’ you’d taunt him, and sometimes, you’d catch his eyes moving around your face, resting on your lips for a fraction of a second, before they snapped back up and simply diverted the conversation. ‘I might have to leave you right here on your own, Your Highness’, he’d tell you with a teasing smile on his lips. You knew it was all talk, so you would always scoff at the comment.

It was odd, really, considering you hadn’t known each other for long. But Chan truly made you feel safe, made you feel comfortable, and in a way, you hoped he felt that way around you, too, all things considered. Somehow, it was as if there was something lingering between you two, when you talked, when you stood close, you felt almost as if there were sparks flying around, a tension that would build the longer you spent time together, a tension that was not uncomfortable by any means, it was just… There, as if you both were just holding your breath, expectant, and it truly, truly intrigued you. 

“We’re going further up the mountains tomorrow, princess”, Chan commented as you two sat on the stools of the inn’s tavern, watching as the attendant took the empty plates in front of you. “I heard from a lad just a while ago that it’s snowing heavily…”

Your eyes lit up, your whole body perking up as you snapped your head in his direction, looking at him. “Really?”

Chan blinked slightly, confused. “Yes? That’s not… It’s not something good for us, Your Highness”, he finished off with a laugh, taking another sip of his drink.

“Oh, it isn’t?” Your shoulders slumped slightly, feeling bummed out now. “I’ve just never seen snow before”.

Chan looked slightly surprised. “Never ever?”

“Never. It doesn’t snow where I’m from”.

Chan just hummed, thoughtful. “Guess we might need to get a few more supplies, princess”.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, not because of the comment itself but because Chan kept on calling you ‘princess’ or ‘Your Highness’, and now, it was really starting to annoy you. “It’s been over a month already, Chan. Stop referring to me by title…”

Chan simply chuckled, taking a long sip of his ale and licking his lips clean right after. “You are a princess, Your Highness. I must address you as such. I’m only a Knight, after all”.

You hated the way he said that, as if he thought of himself as being below you–although you did want him below you sometimes, just in a more improper way. “I’m asking you not to, though. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Chan looked at you for a moment, then back to his drink. “This feels like a trap question…”

“Come on, if our roles were reversed, would you want me to continue calling you prince? Your Highness? Or would you want me to be comfortable around you? To be myself?” The question was pointed, and when Chan stared into your eyes right as you asked it, you could see something in them, an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Princess…” It was his warning tone, the tone that he started to use when you were almost pressing his buttons too much. “I am myself around you”.

You scoffed. “Please, not even you believe that”, you couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh at that, taking a sip of your drink.

“I am! At least, a more… Proper version of myself, I guess”, he admitted. “The me who’s a knight. A knight of Queen Naeel’s Guard, and as such, I must address royalty appropriately. Come on, let’s go buy a few blankets, princess”, Chan added as he stood up from his seat, gulping the rest of his drink in one go.

You hated that he continuously put that space between you two, because you didn’t want it there, because, by the time you had finally made it to the snowy mountains, you were burning up from the inside out, and you wanted nothing more than for him to let go of those inhibitions.

“It’s cold”, you dumbly commented as you both seeked shelter in the mountains, the snow under your horses’ hooves crunching with every step they took.

You weren’t that used to such low temperatures. not because you had any particular heating system in your father’s castle, but because your realm was of a much warmer climate all year round, so much so it was considered as if there were only two seasons there, rainy and drought, with constant warm temperatures.

“You don’t say, princess” Chan snorted, pulling on the bridle gently to stop his horse. “I think this place will do. The horses need to rest and it’s getting dark”.

It was an almost cave on the side of the mountain, big enough to fit you two and your two horses with some room to spare. It wasn’t completely closed off so it wouldn’t provide as much insulation as you would’ve liked, but you had to make do.

Chan looked for a place to tie the equines securely so they wouldn’t run away during the night, all while you set camp. You’d learn how to actually do these things on this journey, a skill that you were now grateful to have. Had you made your escape without Chan, you would’ve surely died the first night out there, unable to set a safe space for yourself. You could still remember the first time you tried to start a fire with the two pieces of flint, you had given up after the twentieth time, and Chan had offered you an encouraging ‘it’s all about practice, princess. You’ll get there eventually’. And you got there, the fire in front of you starting with a single flick of the two stones together proof of that.

“We’re only two weeks away from Queen Naeel’s realm”, Chan commented once you had had supper, extending his hands towards the bonfire. “It’ll be much easier to move once we’re there, probably three weeks in total for us to reach the castle”.

You simply hummed in response, scooting closer to the fire. “I can’t wait to see her, I really, really miss her”.

“You two are really good friends, aren’t you? For Her Majesty to do something like this…”

“We are”, you could feel your teeth starting to chatter slightly, so you tried to wrap the blanket you had brought with you tighter around your body. “I love her deeply. And after this, I don’t think I’d ever be able to repay her”.

Chan chuckled softly. “Her Majesty wouldn’t expect you to repay her, Your Highness. But if you’re close, I’m sure you know”.

“Oh, I know”, you tried to get as close to the fire as you could, taking special care to not get your blanket on fire. “But still. I won’t be able to repay her, nor you. I’m really grateful”.

“I mean, it was a royal order, so it’s not like I’m making art for art’s sake, princess”, Chan snorted. “But I must say, it isn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be”.

“Oh? Why? Did you expect a bratty little princess high on her horse? Or did you expect for the journey to be riddled with traps and schemes like in the classic novels they teach at school?”

You heard Chan mumble something, it was hard to hear but you could’ve sworn he had said something along the lines of ‘…a bit of a brat’ but before you could question it he was shaking his head slightly and speaking again. “Honestly, I’m not exactly sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this, Your Highness. You’ve made it really easy. You’re fun to talk with, even though you’re a princess and I’m a simple knight, you treat me with real respect when we’re not joking around. I’ve had fun all throughout and, in a way, I’m grateful”.

Oh? So he did enjoy when you pressed his buttons, interesting… You blinked slightly, at his words, a little shocked. After a few seconds, you scoffed, a smile settling on your lips. “How silly. I am the one who’s grateful here”.

“It’s not a competition, princess”, Chan chuckled, standing up from where he was sitting by the bonfire to lay on the blanket you had laid for him on the floor. “You should get some sleep”.

You simply hummed in acknowledgement, but you didn’t move. Truth was, you were freezing. You had also laid a blanket on the floor for you to lay on, but you figured that if you were freezing sitting right here by the fire, you’d die if you laid down on the blanket. So you sat there, as close as you could to the fire, wrapping the blanket over your body as tight as you could.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed–fifteen, twenty minutes?– but you figured Chan was fast asleep already, since he was completely silent. You sat there, debating whether you should go to your other blanket on the floor, maybe pick it up and throw it over your body as well and sit here to try and get some heat from the bonfire. But you couldn’t move, you were just too cold and moving from this spot sounded like the worst idea ever.

Suddenly, you felt hands on your body, holding your upper arms over the blanket you had around your form. You tensed slightly at the unexpected contact, turning your face to find a concerned looking Chan staring at you. “You’re shivering, princess”.

“I’m–I’m really cold”, your whole face felt as if it was about to fall off, and it was truly not pleasant at all.

Chan moved away from you, picking up the blanket on the floor and wrapping it around you. It helped a bit… Emphasis on a bit, as you could still feel your teeth chattering slightly. He noticed, so he moved away again, grabbing his own blanket.

“Don’t you–Don’t you dare”, was all you could muster, seeing as Chan stopped in his tracks with his blanket still in his hand. “You’ll freeze”.

“You clearly need it more than I do, Your Highness. I’m used to this climate, you’re clearly not”, he attempted to wrap his blanket around your form, but you stopped him, a rush of coldness reaching you as your arms left the safety of your cocoon. “Your Highness–”

“Let’s just… Let’s just share, then”, you weren’t thinking much when you said it, you just desperately wanted some warmth, you didn’t think you could withstand this for much longer.

Chan looked apprehensive for a moment, until he finally nodded, guiding you from where you sat by the fire to the blanket he had been laying on previously. As soon as you laid down, he threw all remaining three blankets over your body, finally tucking himself in as well after you gave him a disapproving look when he looked like he was thinking of not doing it.

Soon enough, with the amount of blankets on top of you, and another human body next to you, you started to warm up. Chan wasn’t really that close to you, there was a fair distance, but the blankets provided enough insulation for his body heat to spread over to you, which you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief about.

“Better?” Chan asked after a while as he was laying on his left side, turned to you.

“Much”, you were still cold, but not freezing cold, so it was a start. You would surely warm up completely eventually. “Thank you”.

“You’re welcome. Now, sleep”.

You laid there for a while, waiting to warm up further so you could comfortably fall asleep, hearing how Chan’s breathing evened out. Every time you had to sleep in a new setting, it took you a long time to get to sleep, be it for the hard terrain, the changes in temperature, or the noises around you, it always took you a long time, which translated into you tossing and turning more than you probably should with another person sleeping next to you.

At first you laid on your back, then you moved towards Chan, but you couldn’t help your eyes from staying open and focusing on his handsome face, so you laid on your back again, only to turn away from him and lay on your left side. You repeated the motions a few times, your coat coming undone in the process, opening and leaving your front exposed-save for the shirt below it, of course. Thankfully the heap of blankets provided enough warmth that you didn’t really need to close it again. 

As you continued to sporadically toss and turn, you couldn’t help but come to the realisation that you were literally sharing your sleeping space with Chan. Somehow, that realisation made you warm up quicker, made you even more restless, which honestly was not what you needed right now. What if you inadvertently pressed yourself to him while you slept? Sure, you were attracted to him but you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, much less if you didn’t know how he felt about the entire thing. He was still, after all, putting that space between you two.

You continued your almost struggle with yourself, with finding a comfortable position to sleep, until Chan suddenly moved, his arm wrapping around you and his hand holding onto your ribs, effectively stopping your movement. An annoyed huff passed his lips, the heat of his palm just shy away from your breast kick-starting your heartbeat. “Stop moving so much, princess. I’m trying to sleep”, the low tone of his voice so close to your ear sent a shiver down your spine, you just couldn’t help it, and you had to shut your eyes tightly, swearing at yourself for getting yourself in this situation.

Your senses were on high alert, suddenly aware of the lack of space between your bodies, Chan was not fully pressed to you, but one push and he could be… He could very well be flush to your back, the thought now worming into your brain, playing on a maddening loop and why wouldn’t he just move his hand a bit further up…?

“I’m trying to get comfortable”, could he feel your racing heart against his palm as he held you? There was no way he couldn’t, but you were still proud of the evenness in your voice, as if you were not burning from the inside out from your sinful thoughts and the mere feel of his hand on you.

“We’re laying on the ground under a dent on the side of a mountain, Your Highness. Sorry to say, but I don’t think you’ll find any comfort tonight”, Chan let out an amused chuckle, his words coming out as barely a whisper.

“I’m missing the inn we stayed at last night…” You commented absentmindedly. Your mind was too focused on Chan’s hand on your ribs, his hold firm, but gentle, succeeding at keeping you from shuffling too much and Gods why wouldn’t he just move it up?

“Almost two months of travelling and you’ve already let your standards dip this low, huh princess?” Chan shuffled a bit, getting more comfortable, you presume. Was he closer now? You couldn’t tell. There was still a fair bit of space between your bodies, space that the more you felt his warm palm on you the more you wished it didn’t exist.

“Beggars can’t be choosers, isn’t that what they say?” What if you pushed yourself to him? Would he like that? Or would you overstep some boundary if you did? Chan was unmarried, you knew that much, and sometimes you saw the way his eyes looked at you, the way they settled on your lips longer than what was conventionally appropriate, the way he leaned forward just a bit only to step back and smile at you, the way his hands would linger on your skin whenever he had to touch you… Or had you imagined it? “That’s what’s brought us here, cuddled up under these blankets, barely even sheltered by the mountainside”.

“This can hardly be considered cuddling, Your Highness”, there was a glint of amusement in Chan’s words, you could almost hear the smile on his lips as he said it.

Chan’s hand started to move, painfully slow, retreating carefully from your frame so it could go back to lay wherever he had been keeping it before placing it on your body. You couldn’t let that happen, not now that you knew how having the weight of his hold on you felt like. Maybe the cold had effectively killed every single one of your brain cells, all reason slipping from you as your hand shot to his quickly before he got to remove it from you completely, tugging on it–the sudden movement catching Chan off guard, making his chest press against your upper back with the motions.

You heard it. 

You heard the way his breath caught in his throat at the contact, and the sound fuelled your impulsive actions, so you placed his hand right back where it was on your ribs, if only a bit further up, almost, almost touching the underside of your breast. “We need to fix that then”, cuddling wasn’t exactly what you had in mind right now, but it was a start.

Chan didn’t move away, he didn’t talk, you doubt he was barely even breathing, at least for a moment. There was silence for a bit, until you heard the shaky inhale, feeling the exhale against your nape right after. “Princess… What are you doing?” His tone was tentative, checking the waters for what might be appropriate to say or not, just like he often did.

“I’m not doing anything”, you couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your lips as you lied through your teeth.

“Bullshit”, you’d truly only ever heard Chan swear when he thought you weren’t close by to hear, and even then he was usually so far away it barely even felt like it was him talking. Now, you had finally heard it clear as day against your ear, and it shouldn’t have affected you, but it did–your thighs pressing a bit closer together to ease a bit of that ache that was steadily building between your legs.

Chan didn’t make any attempts to move, not closer nor away from you. You could feel his chest rise and fall against your back in short spurts, and you knew you had caught his attention with your stunt. Maybe the cold had truly killed your reason. “What if I am doing something, though?” Your voice was barely a whisper, but you could hear a pin drop in the silence that surrounded you, so you knew he was listening.

You heard–and felt–his deep intake of breath, the thumb of the hand you kept pressed to your ribs moving ever so slightly, back and forth, back and forth, slowly, each stroke almost touching the underside of your breast. “I shouldn’t…”

“You don’t sound too convinced”.

“I’m not”, he admitted immediately, almost as if the words had escaped from a place deep within him where they had been contained. “You… You’re a princess, Your Highness”.

“And? I told you my story, my title has brought nothing but despair and desolation to my life. Besides, I’m running away from my land, I wouldn’t be surprised if the King has revoked it already”.

Silence fell between you two, but your positions didn’t change, nor did the movement of Chan’s thumb on you stop. The more the silence stretched out, the more unsure you started to feel, insecurity creeping into every secluded area of your mind.

“Unless you… Unless I’m making you uncomfortable. You can say that, too, if that’s what this is, and I’ll stop”.

Chan chuckled softly behind you, the sound almost incredulous. “I must be a better actor than I thought if you think you are making me uncomfortable”, he went silent for a bit, until his upper body shuffled a bit closer to you, fully pressing his chest to your back as his lips came close to your ear. “The only uncomfortable thing right now, princess, is my traitorous cock straining my pants”.

Your breath hitched in your throat, your thighs further pressing together, an involuntary reaction upon Chan’s confession. Encouraged by his words, you held his hand tighter, dragging it further up so he could finally cup your breast, a shaky exhale passing your lips as his hand groped you as soon as you had placed it there.

“Fuck…” Chan’s lips attached to your neck, leaving kisses and licks wherever he could while his hands grew bolder, dragging to your other breast to provide it with as much attention as the other, gently teasing your nipples over your shirt. “Is this why you were tossing and turning so much? Because you were thinking of me touching you like this?”

“I was–Was truly trying to get comfortable…” Any time his lips pressed on your skin, you felt a jolt of excitement spark from the spot and shoot straight down to your core, your clenching thighs doing absolutely nothing to ease the ache that continued to build between your legs. You needed him. You needed Chan to touch you without barriers, you needed to feel as much of his skin on you as you could. “Chan…”

“Fuck”, his hand shot down from your breast to cup you over your trousers, pulling you to him so your rear was flush to his crotch. You couldn’t help the whine that escaped you as you felt him, hard and warm, grinding slowly against you, with his hand still on your mound. “If you keep making those sounds, if you keep saying my name like that… I’ll do something you might regret in the morning”.

You pushed further into him, your bum dragging over his crotch, making him swear under his breath. “Do it”.

His hand moved, slipping past the waistband of your trousers, under your underwear for his fingers to find your slit. “Shit, so wet and I’ve barely even touched you, princess”, coating his fingers in your essence he brought them up to your clit, rubbing teasing circles on your skin, moans catching in your throat as you bit your lower lip to dampen the sounds.

“Chan… A bit–bit softer”.

Chan’s fingers complied, adjusting the pressure of his slow movements on you. “Mmm, like this?”

“Go up a bi–Oh, shit…”

A soft chuckle passed Chan’s lips, raising goosebumps on your nape as he mumbled against your skin. “Swearing, princess? Such a dirty mouth… I wonder what else it can do”.

“You…” Swallowing thickly, you gathered your thoughts, the slow, almost teasing movement of his fingers on your clit making your head spin. “You’d be surprised”

“I’m sure”, his pace picked up, your legs parting enough to give him more space to manoeuvre, holding onto his forearm for dear life as your breathing became more and more laboured. “I’ve been… Been thinking of doing this, princess. Of touching you, kissing you… I know I shouldn’t have, but I was”. 

“Been… Been thinking about you, too…” You could feel heat spread on your face the more he worked you up, his lips on your skin aiding the movement of his fingers on building and building and building your impending orgasm. The slow grind of his hips against your rear was maddening, the feel of his hard length on your bum suddenly making you feel empty, the need to have him in you growing exponentially with each swipe of his fingers on your clit.

“Spread your legs further, lay it over my thigh”.

You did as asked, right as Chan pushed his knee between your legs for you to move them further apart and give him more space for his fingers to dip from your clit to your entrance, his ring and middle finger entering you with ease, a shameless moan escaping your mouth at the sudden feeling of fullness. You were sure it wouldn’t be as fulfilling as his cock, but it would do for now.

 “Guide me, princess”, Chan whispered against your ear, his tone confident, but slightly urgent, his lips brushing your skin with every syllable. “Tell me how you like to be touched here”.

“Bit more towards the entrance… More… Harder…”

Chan adjusted his fingers to follow your direction, prodding your walls until he finally found the spot you were guiding him to. Your sigh of relief did not go unnoticed, an amused chuckle falling from Chan’s lips as the movement of his fingers inside of you picked up, his palm lightly stimulating your clit. “You’re fucking dripping all over my fingers… You have really been wanting this, haven’t you? Shit, I bet if it weren’t for these many layers of fabric we could hear the wet sounds as my fingers go in and out of you…”

“Shit…” The faster he moved, the more you cursed, your moans and whines becoming more and more frequent. Desperation started to cling to you, your hips rolling to chase his fingers as well as to rub yourself against his crotch, your walls clenching around him the further that familiar knot in your stomach tightened. You needed your release, and you needed it now. “Chan… I need–Want to…”

“Come on, princess. Give it to me. I got you, remember? I got you. Let me hear you come for me…”

Your vision blurred, the knot in your lower belly unravelling as your climax hit you after a few more flicks of his fingers against your walls, letting warmth spread within your body in its wake. You might have moaned out his name as you did, you couldn’t tell, your senses momentarily shut off, completely overcome by the entire feeling.

Chan removed his fingers from your core, his hand dragging out of your underwear spreading the remnants of your release on your skin as it went, sneaking under your shirt and settling on your lower belly, softly kneading your flesh. “I’m fucking ruined, princess”, his lips pressed kisses on your skin between words, making you flush further. “How can I go back to acting normal around you now that I know you can moan so prettily for me?”

You were still panting, your nerve endings still on fire, but that didn’t stop you from turning around, finally coming face to face with Chan. The full moon and the barely lit bonfire provided enough light for you to make out the features of his face, to see his eyes scanning your face intently. “I’m sure we can figure something out”, taking a hold of the collar of his coat you pulled him to you, crashing your lips with his, a surprised yelp escaping Chan’s throat with the action, surprised as if he had not just had his fingers in your cunt, as if he had not just coaxed a mind-numbing orgasm out of you.

As soon as the initial shock passed, he sprung into action, his tongue making its way into your mouth to hungrily push against yours. His hands found purchase on your bum, eagerly groping you as you palmed his crotch, firmly pressing against his length, the action making Chan bite your lower lip with a grunt and his hips buck forward.

You wasted no time undoing his coat, unbuckling his belt, unbuttoning his trousers, and pulling his zipper down, finally slipping your hand in his underwear to get a feel of him all while you continued to devour his mouth. Chan was warm and heavy in your hand, the sensation making you feel dizzy with all the chaotic thoughts that suddenly started to roam freely in your mind–how he would feel in your mouth, how heavy he would feel on your tongue, how he would stretch your cunt open, how he would fill you up…

“Show me how you like it”, you mumbled against his lips as your fingers wrapped around him, your thumb spreading the fluids spilling from his tip around his head, aiding you to give a couple tentative pumps to his cock.

“Shit… Spit on your hand, princess. Make it feel as if it were your warm, wet cunt on me”.

Chan truly was swearing a lot, you had heard him before, but you weren’t prepared. The contrast of his usual way of addressing you and this had your head spinning. Seeing him and hearing him lose himself enough to let his mouth run freely was immensely gratifying, and you wanted nothing more than to continue to hear him let himself go like this. 

So you did as asked, ungracefully spitting on your hand so you could wrap it around him once again. Somewhere in the back of your mind you could remember your father reprimanding you when you were little for spitting– ‘proper ladies do not spit, much less princesses. That’s something only peasants do’. To his standards, proper ladies surely didn’t let knights from other lands finger them on the mountains, yet here you were.

“Tighter”, Chan whispered against your lips, bringing his hand to join yours around his length, helping you tighten your grip around him to his liking. “Fuck, yeah… Just like that”, his hand moved from yours so he could grope your breast instead, while the other pulled the hem of his shirt further up his torso to not get soiled by his fluids. You took advantage of that, placing your free hand on his abdomen to feel his soft skin under your palm, feeling his muscles clenching ever so slightly the more you worked his cock, the more you touched his bare skin.

Removing your hand from his length briefly, you spit on it again to further lubricate him as soon as your hand resumed its motions. His hips bucked, fervently chasing your hand, the movement producing obscene squelching sounds that had Chan grunting against your mouth.

You both had gotten under these blankets however long ago cold as a seal’s bum, it was still snowing out of your makeshift shelter, but the second Chan’s hands had touched your bare body the temperature started to rise. Now, as his hips continued to thrust into your grip and your lips eagerly moved against one another, sweat collected on the back of your neck, the warmth and heat produced by your bodies completely all-consuming.

It was getting harder to breathe, your lips moving from his to attach to his neck instead, pressing kisses there as you tried to get some air into your lungs. “Fuck, you could–you could make me blow like this”, Chan was breathless, his chest heaving the faster you moved your hand around his length, focusing now all your attention on his tip.

“That’s the plan”, Chan had wanted to hear you come earlier, and now you wanted to hear him come for you, too.

Groans and grunts fell from his mouth, albeit slightly muffled as Chan bit his lower lip to dampen the sound. As you continued to lick and kiss his neck you could hear him mumble, something akin to ‘fucking ruined…’ while his hips started to move faster, fucking your hand to chase his own release.

Chan tilted his body slightly, a warning passing his lips as he held his shirt higher and as he tried to create some space between you two and the blankets over you. With a few more pumps of your hand he finally came undone, his release spilling from his tip and landing all over his abs as a drawn out groan fell from his mouth.

“Shit, what a mess…”

“I got you”, you reached your free hand out of the mess of fabric on top of you towards the bag resting above your heads, blindly rummaging its contents until you found the handkerchief you kept in there.

You did your best to clean him up, using the last bit of dry fabric after to wipe your hand while Chan buttoned up his trousers again. It was really warm under the blanket, but you knew that if you removed yourself any further from here you’d freeze in record time, so you stayed put–Chan clearly having a similar thought.

Silence fell for a while between you two, you could see Chan looking at the ceiling of the cave, a hand in his hair softly massaging his scalp and lightly tugging on the strands between his fingers as he seemed to mull something over. The fact that he seemed to be making a conscious effort to not look at you made you feel anxious all of a sudden. Was he regretting what just happened? You didn’t regret it one bit, if anything, this felt like just an appetiser, something to mildly ease your hunger until you could finally stuff yourself full.

“Princess…” His voice startled you, but you turned to look at him regardless, finding him already eyeing you, almost tentatively. “I’m gonna… Gonna kiss you now, yeah?”

He sounded… Nervous? Almost as if he thought you wouldn’t let him. You couldn’t help but scoff at the thought. “Kiss me”.

His lips were on yours before you could even finish saying ‘me’, soft, tired pecks against your lips, his arms pulling you further into him for your head to lay on his arm while one of his legs slotted between yours, keeping you close. “I’m truly, truly ruined”, he mumbled against your lips, his hand coming to hold your hip. “Royally fucked…”

“That’d be two of us, then”, you pressed kisses back on his lips as you spoke, your hand coming to play with the hair on the back of his head as his thumb drew patterns on your hip. “Is this now cuddling enough for your standards?”

A soft chuckle fell from Chan’s lips, giving you another kiss as his hold on you tightened. “Now it is. Before it was just me trying not to rub myself on you the second we got under these blankets”.

Chan pulled back slightly, just enough to look you in the eyes. Sneaking his hand from your hip to your bum, he squeezed your buttcheek, the motion making you hike your leg up his torso, pulling him even closer to you. “Still cold?”

You shook your head, and Chan simply leaned in, pressing a kiss to your lips briefly, accentuating his next words with a tight squeeze to your bum. “You’re not gonna get rid of me now, princess. As soon as we make it to the next inn and I get you on a bed I’m gonna make you all mine”.

You chuckled softly, leaning in to press a loud kiss to his lips. “I’ll hold you to that”.

As Chan held you, softly caressing your back, your bum, your thigh, and with the aftereffects of your orgasm still pumping through your veins, you finally fell asleep. 

The next morning you woke up as soon as the first rays of sunlight touched your closed lids. Once you regained your senses enough you could feel warmth all over you, and you realised then that Chan was clinging to your frame, holding you so tightly in his arms you could hardly breathe. You tried to wake him up, gently caressing his back and softly murmuring his name. Your attempts only made him whine, musing a sleepy ‘five more minutes…’ before he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck.

All you did was chuckle softly, threading your fingers in his hair to massage his scalp, eliciting a satisfied hum against your neck. Just as you had not been prepared for Chan’s unfiltered swearing, you had also not been prepared for this facet of Chan, the clingy, touchy Chan. Even as you broke camp, he remained as close to you as he could, with his hands on you as much as he could, touching you, hugging you, even kissing you. A completely different demeanour from the one he sported when you had gotten into that almost-cave the night before.

And you retaliated, of course. With your own touches, with your own words, with your own mouth, finally able to physically display your feelings. When Chan bent over to pick up the last bundle of blankets so he could strap it up to his horse, you were presented with an opportunity, something you had wanted to do for so long but you hadn’t dared. Now, though, you could. You could indulge, so you did, reaching to him and pinching one of his buttcheeks. Chan stilled for a moment, but he resumed his movements almost immediately after, regarding you with a smirk as he finished his task.

Just as you were about to hop on your horse, you felt his hand on your rear, gripping the flesh tightly as his free hand cupped your cheek, bringing your mouth to his, stealing the air out of your lungs with his heated kiss. All you could do was whine as you brought your hand to his nape to attempt to pull him impossibly closer to you. It was truly exhilarating, feeling Chan’s warmth all over you as he kissed you, his tongue feeding the fire in the pit of your stomach, and his, too, if the hardness you felt against your belly was anything to go by.

Finally, letting go of your buttock, Chan landed a harsh smack on your rear, making you simultaneously gasp and laugh, completely in disbelief. Chan simply shrugged, alleging ‘you get your fun, so it’s only fair I get mine, too’ before he helped you get on your horse, moving to mount his as soon as you were seated.

Once you both left your former campsite behind, and got back on the trail, you couldn’t help but ask, “so, how long until we reach some civilization?”

“Probably a day, or half a day if there are no eventualities”, Chan offered. “Why, princess? Wanna get fucked that badly?” You could practically hear the smirk on his face as he talked, and you couldn’t help but scoff, incredulous. Oh, how you liked this side of Chan, too…

“Oh, I do want to get fucked”, you heard Chan laugh next to you, seemingly also in disbelief at your honesty. “But, I’m asking because I’m truly curious, besides, I figured since you already had your fingers in my cunt, might as well stop being all mysterious and tell me more about yourself on our way there”.

Chan chuckled, but he humoured you regardless. It wasn’t as if Chan hadn’t told you things about himself before, he had told you enough to intrigue you, to want to inquire more on his life, and you had managed to gather a few things here and there just by looking at him, just by the way he did things, said things, or the way he carried himself. So, as you continued your journey, hearing him tell you about his humble up-bringing, about his family, about his knighthood, steadily satisfied some of that curiosity you had towards him.

You learnt that Chan had two younger siblings, and his parents were still alive. His mother worked as a seamstress, while his dad was also a knight in the Queen’s Guard, ‘it was almost a given that I would take the oath as well and follow my father’s steps. And honestly, so far I haven’t regretted it’, he commented as soon as he mentioned his father’s profession. 

You learnt that he lived on his own, and that on his ‘hardly existent time off’ as he put it, he enjoyed hanging out with his small group of friends, playing bocce, or going out to eat, or going out for drinks. “I’d say I’m a very simple man, princess. Boring, even”, he added with a chuckle. “But what about you, though? Other than, you know, the thing with your father… What do you do to keep yourself entertained? You’re adept in embroidery, right?”

You had told Chan in passing once when you were camping in the woods that you liked to embroider to keep your mind off of things, you were honestly surprised he remembered such a mundane detail. “I mean, I’m not sure if adept is the word to use, but yes. I’m fairly into needlework in general…”

You told Chan you enjoyed playing draughts, how you used to play it a lot with the maids that got close enough to you, or even with Queen Naeel when you two would meet. “I’d like to try new things though, things that I wasn’t allowed to do. See if I can find anything that brings me joy, I want to have fun…”

Your conversation flowed like this, smoothly, seamlessly. Slowly but surely peeling layers and layers of yourself and showing them to Chan, just as he did the same. It honestly felt almost the same as before, you had never truly been uncomfortable speaking with Chan, on the contrary, he was quite enjoyable to talk to, but now, with no barriers between you both, it all just felt… Easy, soothing.

By the time night fell you had found yourselves in a small town close to the base of the mountain. An excited ‘holy shit, hot springs!’ leaving Chan’s lips as soon as he spotted the many signs, and you couldn’t help the sigh of relief as he said it, the cold was truly not something you could withstand for much longer, so hot springs sounded like heaven at that moment.

As soon as your horses were secured and sheltered, you made your way to the attached inn, finding the attendant with ease for Chan to confidently ask for one room. Taking both of your belongings, he urged you to go to the hot springs, “you must be freezing. I’ll take these up, and we can meet later for supper once we’ve warmed up, yeah?” An offer you gladly took.

The warm water eased the tremors that had started to course through you when the sun was no longer providing any heat as you travelled. A couple of old ladies engaged in conversation with you while you bathed, their presence was comforting in a way, they were nice and provided you with some company as you scrubbed your body clean. But even if they were nice, you did try your best to keep your body underwater, or to always face in their direction, not wanting to attract too much attention to your back.

When you warmed up enough and felt clean enough, you made your way to the tavern area of the inn, ordering some drinks and securing a table by the corner. Chan joined you shortly after, with a towel still draped over his head and a bright smile on his face making his dimples pop and his eyes almost disappear into crescents, and you simply couldn’t help the flutter in your heart at the sight.

The food was surprisingly decent, better than the last few inns you had stayed at throughout your journey. You heard from the attendant that the place was quite popular among travellers, mostly due to the hot springs, and you could understand that completely. You and Chan took your time eating, and even after your food was finished, you stayed there for a while, a relaxed aura settling between you two as you simply enjoyed each other’s company, drinking, talking, flirting… 

However, as soon as you made it to your room, as soon as the door closed behind you two, it was almost comical how fast Chan made his move, pinning you to the closest wall he could find as his lips connected with yours, kissing you with force, with want. Gripping your thigh, he hiked it on his hip as one of his legs slotted between yours, his thigh adding just the tiniest bit of pressure against your heat, making you moan and whine against his mouth.

You liked kissing Chan, you truly did, but right now, as your hips rolled to get some stimulation from his thigh between your legs and both your hands and his held and groped anywhere they could on the other’s body, you just couldn’t wait anymore. So you untangled your legs from his and pushed him towards the bed as you continued to kiss.

With one final push on his shoulders, Chan sank, sitting on the edge of the bed for you to climb on his lap and straddle him, cupping his cheeks to pull his mouth to yours once again almost immediately after. He grunted as soon as you lowered yourself fully on his lap, his hands roaming your body, fondling your hips, your thighs, your back… All as you quickly worked the buttons of his shirt, swiftly unbuttoning each one so you could finally get a full feel of him.

“Don’t be alarmed…” Chan mumbled against your lips as soon as you unbuttoned the last button of his shirt.

You pulled back from his lips and looked him in the eyes. Chan looked almost… Apprehensive as you looked back at him. Slowly, you brought your hands into his open shirt, feeling his abs, his pecks, reaching his shoulders. You could feel his heated skin under your fingertips, every dip, every curve, but most importantly, you could feel every raised bump that seemingly didn’t belong there, and as soon as you slid the shirt off of his shoulders and moved your eyes from his to take in the sight of his bare skin, you understood why he had given you a warning, why he asked you to not be alarmed.

Chan was well built, broad, fair skinned, all defined muscles that flexed and relaxed under your touch, but by far the most distinctive feature of his physique, were the numerous scars littering his body. They were everywhere, on his chest, on his arms, his abs, you wouldn’t be surprised if they covered his back and his legs, too. Chan simply looked back at you, expectant as you took in his form. You’d lie if you say you weren’t surprised by the sight; sure, he had a scar on his face, but that paled in comparison now to the amount of scars on his torso. Deep, superficial, keloids, faint marks, it was all an assortment of different textures and shades of his skin tone and there was no way you could just… Not notice them.

Your hands moved, tentatively, slowly, tracing the many different shapes, feeling each of his intakes of breath with your touch. You didn’t know how long you sat there just touching him, but finally, you settled your palms on his pecks, shamelessly feeling him up as your eyes fixed on your hands and you tilted your head slightly to the side. “Chan, you… You’re really handsome”, you emphasised your words with a squeeze on his pecks, which made him huff an incredulous laugh. “I’m not alarmed”, you turned your gaze back up to meet his, looking him right in the eyes. “I’m just… Curious”.

Chan just hummed, his hands moving from your thighs to hold your hips. “I’ve been in a lot of… Altercations. Some related to my knighthood, some… Not so much”.

“Will you ever tell me the stories?” Removing your hands from his chest, you proceeded to unbutton your own shirt, slowly, leisurely flicking every single button open until you could finally shrug it off of you, leaving your torso completely exposed. 

“Only if you have a few hours to spare to listen to them”, Chan took in the sight of your bare chest, you could literally see the moment his eyes zeroed in on your breasts, growing impossibly darker. You’d let him have his fun, but there was something more important you wanted to do, or at least, to show him. So you took his hands from where they were fondling your hips, his hold relenting immediately as you brought them to your lower back, pressing his palms against your skin.

“Feel them”, was all you told him, a look of confusion crossed his face briefly, but his hands moved regardless, slowly moving up the expanse of your back, that look of confusion quickly replaced with that of shock, his eyes going wide and his eyebrows rising high in surprise, only to scrunch with concern right after. 

How could you be alarmed about something you yourself carried with you every day of your life, too? Chan’s fingertips traced every single dip, every single bump, every single scar on your back, all as he looked deeply into your eyes, all as you got lost in his eyes as well. “My father was a monster, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d only leave his mark where he knew no one else could see, not unless I let them see them, at least”, you offered, shuddering slightly under Chan’s featherlight touch.

You would usually hide your marks pretty well, always told your lovers you liked the thrill of getting intimate with clothes on, that it added a sense of obscenity to the entire thing. Truth was, you simply didn’t want to deal with the looks they could give you, or to explain anything to anyone, mostly out of fear of what would happen if you spoke up against your father. Chan already knew, though. He knew what you’d been through and he had shown you his own scars, so there was no point in hiding them, no point when you could see in his eyes no semblance of judgement or disgust towards you, if anything, all you could see was fire, burning brighter the longer he looked at you, the longer he explored and touched you.

In his exploration, his hand found the back of your head, pulling down to crash your lips with his. Chan’s kiss was urgent, loaded, all passion and fire overflowing into you with each grunt, each groan. His hands brought you closer, bare chest against bare chest sharing your warmth as your fingers threaded in that mess of brown curls of his, tugging him impossibly closer to you while your tongues pushed against one another. It was both suffocating and freeing, stealing the air out of your lungs while simultaneously filling you with life.

The second your hips started to move, grinding against his hardened length his grip on your body tightened, his hands roughly palming your thighs, your hips, your rear, anywhere he could reach without breaking the contact of your chest against his, almost as if he wished to continue enjoying that feeling of warmth of your bare skin against one another. 

You felt yourself moving, Chan’s hands keeping you firmly in place as he stood up and manoeuvred your bodies so you could lay on the bed with him on top of you, right between your legs. Pulling away from your lips, he rested his weight on his hands, looking down at you just as you looked up at him. He took his time, just scanning the features of your face for a while until his eyes moved, taking in the sight of your bare upper torso, his eyes moving almost frantically as if he didn’t know where to look first. And you let him, mostly because you were also doing the same, taking in his breathtaking features, taking in every bump on his skin.

“I haven’t done this in a while”.

Chan surprised you by saying that. He didn’t look particularly ashamed or bashful or anything, he just looked… Serious. And somehow, it made you chuckle. “Could’ve fooled me”.

“Don’t wanna fool you, though”, a smirk crept onto his lips as he lowered himself on his elbows. His lips found yours, one of his arms sneaking under your neck for you to rest on it as his opposite hand found your thigh, pulling you to him so you could hold onto him. Chan rolled his hips, letting you feel him, hard and warm right at the apex of your thighs, making you moan into his mouth. 

Suddenly, Chan moved, rolling to the side and moving your body along for you to now straddle his hips, the motion earning a surprised yelp from your lips. His mouth trailed open mouthed kisses from your lips, to your chin, your neck, your collarbones while his hands roamed your back, all as you shuddered under his touch.

“Good…” you gulped the saliva that had collected in your mouth, feeling as Chan’s lips finally found their way to your breasts, kissing everywhere but where you wanted him most. “Chan…” You didn’t mean to sound that needy, that urging, but that was how your call of his name came out, and honestly, you didn’t care if you sounded desperate, because you were.

“Shh, don’t be so impatient, princess. Let me enjoy you for a bit, there’s no need to hurry”, Chan mumbled against your skin as his hands came to cup your breasts, squishing them together to create the perfect space for him to dive his face into with an appreciative hum, his thumbs coming to graze your nipples, his touch so featherlight it was almost as if he was teasing you, giving you a small taste of what you could feel and it was steadily filling you with anticipation. 

A shaky gasp escaped your lips as you felt Chan’s lips suck on the tender skin of one of your breasts, leaving a purple mark right as he gently pinched both of your nipples between his fingers. “Is this okay?” his mouth barely even moved away from your skin as he talked, and you nodded, only for Chan to lightly tweak your nipples, the barely there stimulation sending a shiver down your spine. “Words, darling”.

“Yes…” You gulped, looking down at him right in the eyes as you spoke. “It’s–It’s okay”.

Chan simply hummed, satisfied with your answer. So his lips returned to your breasts, sucking purple roses on the delicate skin all as both of his hands worked in unison to tweak and twist and pinch your sensitive buds, the combined stimulation eliciting quiet moans to spill from your lips. You felt yourself heating up further the longer he spent working your chest, touching you, marking you, and it was right as you were close to begging that you finally felt his tongue, landing tentative swipes against one of your nipples for him to finally suck it into his mouth.

“Oh, that’s good…” your finger’s tangled in Chan’s hair, tugging the strands gently. Chan hummed, sneaking his free hand to your rear, holding one of your buttocks tightly as his mouth and his hand continued to work you up. You hadn’t realised you had started to move until you felt him buck up into you, your hips slowly grinding against his, feeling his hardened length against your core, providing you with that relief you’d been desperate for even with the fabric that still separated your flesh.

Chan’s hand on your rear tightened, almost urging you to move faster, to move harder against the outline of his cock, and the moment you felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin of your nipple you couldn’t help but do just that, moaning from all the different sensations that completely clouded your senses. His mouth on you, his hands on you, his hardness under you, all combined sent sparks of pleasure everywhere within you, kindling that fire in the pit of your stomach, burning brighter with each roll of your hips against him.

Once Chan was satisfied with his work on your nipple, his mouth moved to the other, his hands switching positions to continue with the same treatment as before, one holding your other breast, stimulating your nipple and the other gripping your rear as tight as he could. You knew you were too far gone the moment you looked him in the eyes again, seeing his lustful, almost greedy stare looking back at you with his lips attached to your breast, so your hips sped up, chasing that feeling that was building between your legs the more you ground yourself against his hardness, and before you knew it, you were coming, trembling as heat spread within every crevice of your body, as your mind clouded with only bliss and pleasure and Chan.

“Fuck, fuck, wait…” You mumbled, breathless, firmly tugging on Chan’s hair to get him to detach his mouth from your nipple. “Too much, sensitive…”

Chan chuckled softly, moving his mouth to press kisses on your neck as he removed his hand from your breast, too, moving it to join the other to fully cup your rear. “Enjoyed yourself?” His mouth found the skin behind your ear, pressing a kiss there, only to move along and take your earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently, making you swear under your breath with the action. “Couldn’t even wait, huh? Had to use me as your mount to get off?”

You simply shook your head, taking in deep breaths. “Couldn’t wait”, was all you said, completely shameless. “Not when you looked so good with my tits in your mouth”, your lips were on his in an instant, muffling Chan’s groan as you kissed him, relishing the taste of his tongue on yours and the tightening of his hold on your rear, whether the action was due to the motions of your kiss or the impact of your words, you didn’t know.

Resting your weight on your knees and separating your hips from Chan, your hands trailed down his torso until they found the waistband of his trousers. “Off”, you mumbled against Chan’s mouth, giving him enough space to manoeuvre and remove the offending piece of clothing, his underwear coming off with it, leaving him completely bare for your curious eyes to admire.

Just as you imagined, Chan’s legs were also covered in scars, of many different depths and shades, on his thighs, his shins, his calves, they were everywhere. You shuffled lower on Chan’s body, getting comfortable enough for your fingers to delicately trace each bump of raised skin they could, until finally, you moved your attention to his length, hard, pink, and pretty–especially so as precum pooled around the tip where it laid on his abdomen.

Chan was unmoving, propped on his elbows simply looking at you, the expression on his face somehow both lustful and relaxed as he let you explore him as much as you wanted, however you wanted.

“You’re staring”, there was a glint of amusement in Chan’s tone, highlighted by the smirk on his face and it made you look away from his cock to his face again.

Licking your lips, you regarded him with a smirk of your own. “What? Feeling shy?”

“With that look in your eyes? No, just feeling desired”, he said it so naturally, so unabashedly sure of it, you couldn’t help but chuckle.

The moment your fingers wrapped around his length, you could see his chest rise and fall as he took a deep breath. “Remember what you told me back at the campsite?” Your hand moved, slowly dragging up and down his length, focusing on his tip.

“I told you many things at the campsite, princess”, Chan licked his lips, his eyes jumping back and forth from looking at your hand working his cock and your face as you talked to him.

“You told me something… Something that made my mind wander…” Tightening your grip around him, you moved closer to his length, and you could’ve sworn Chan was holding his breath in anticipation. “Wanted to do this so bad, you have no idea”, with that, you replaced your hand with your mouth, finally, finally getting a taste of him.

A shaky breath and a loud ‘fuck!’ fell from Chan’s lips as soon as you took him into your mouth, as soon as he felt your tongue landing firm swipes against his frenulum and your lips dragging over his tip. You took your time, savouring him, building his pleasure as you kept a rhythm, aiding your movements with a hand on what you couldn’t fit in your mouth.

His jaw went slack, quiet groans and curses spilled freely from his mouth as Chan took in the sight of you working him up. One of his hands reached for you, moving your hair out of your face to keep it from obstructing his view, settling to caress your cheek after, his touch almost tender, a complete contrast to your lewd ministrations.

“Fuck, you do have a dirty mouth…”

You simply hummed around his length in response as you continued to move. With a deep breath, you took him further into your mouth, right to the back of your throat, making Chan close his eyes and throw his head back, biting on his bottom lip to muffle his groans. 

Wet, gagging sounds filled the room, joining Chan’s constant swearing and groaning and grunting, and the combination of that along with the feel of him in your mouth had your head spinning, had you all worked up and burning up as your inner walls clenched around nothing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re so good at this”, you felt Chan’s hands on your head, pulling you off of him as he quickly scrambled to get close to your mouth. “You’re too good at this, don’t wanna blow yet”, was all he said as he crashed his mouth on yours, savouring you, devouring you, all while tugging the waistband of your trousers and your underwear for you to finally take them off. Heat spread all over your face, blushing at his words, at his hands on your back, at his hands on your rear, at his tongue in your mouth.

“I want you…” Your back hit the mattress as Chan mumbled his words between kisses. His middle and ring finger found your dripping core, entering you with ease to rub against that exact spot within your walls that drove you up the wall, that exact spot that you yourself had shown him how to find, making you moan against his lips as he continued to ravish your mouth.

“I need you…” His fingers diligently worked you up, loosened you up, preparing you for him, all as your palm found his length, stroking him leisurely and your fingers tangled in his curls, tugging him even closer to you. It wasn’t enough, though. Not enough closeness, not enough fullness.

“Can I have you, princess? Hmm?” Chan pulled away from your lips, enough to look you in the eyes, to take in every single one of your features, your heavy lids, your slightly agape mouth, the way your brows furrowed as his fingers continued to pleasure you, to stretch you open.

“You have me, Chan…”

You missed his fingers within your walls and the weight of his cock in your hand immediately, the feeling soon replaced with anticipation as Chan took a hold of length and dragged his tip along your folds, coating himself in your essence. Chan looked into your eyes, looking for any signs of you wanting to back out, to stop this now. He clearly found none, if anything, all he got was you rolling your hips, enticing him, tempting him. So he moved, finally stuffing you full of him in one swift motion, eliciting a shared sigh of relief as soon as he was buried snugly within your walls.

You pulled him to you, wrapping your limbs around him and connecting your mouths almost desperately. Chan kept himself propped up on one of his forearms, with his hand holding your head in place and the other hand moving below you to find one of your buttocks, holding you tightly as he started to move. Gone was the Chan that wanted to take his time, to take it slow, the Chan that claimed there was no hurry. 

His hips collided with yours repeatedly, his pace steady, relentlessly pounding you to the mattress, his cock hitting just the right spot within your walls to get you moaning for him as soon as he started moving. You felt lightheaded, between his thrusts and his mouth on yours you could barely breathe, but it was hard to register it when all you could think about was how good this felt, how right it felt.

Chan’s lips moved away from your mouth, your moans now filling the room as he left wet, open mouthed kisses from your cheek all the way to your neck, whispering against your skin. “So good, fuck… You feel even better around my cock, shit…”

“Chan, please… Need to… Want to…” You could barely talk, but you tried anyway. You wanted your relief, you wanted to feel it while he was inside of you, you wanted him to feel it while he was inside of you.

The hold of your limbs around him relented, letting Chan pull himself away from your space to rest his weight on his heels. His thumb found your clit, the contact immediately sending that jolt of excitement up and down your spine. With one of your legs over his shoulder and you holding onto the other one to keep you spread open for him, he kept ramming into you, stealing the air out of your lungs with each thrust as his thumb rubbed your clit diligently, building your release and getting so, so, so close…

“You have no idea how much I’ve been wanting to see you like this”, Chan’s thumb sped up, looking you in the eyes as he spoke, panting slightly. “So pretty, just taking my cock so well, aren’t you? Is this what you wanted too, hm?” All you could do in response was frantically nod and continue to roll your hips to meet his thrusts. “Look at you, can’t even talk, fuck…”

You simply shook your head, reaching for his hand on your thigh. “Close…”

“Close?” Chan snapped his hips harder, faster, the movement of his thumb on your clit not stopping. “C’mon, princess. I got you…”

When you came, you came hard, a sob of his name falling from your lips as you held onto Chan’s hand on your thigh for dear life, his groan of appreciation almost going unnoticed as your mind went blank. “Fuck, fuck, princess… Such a good cunt… Feel so good around me, tight, warm, shit…”

Throwing your other leg over his shoulder as well, Chan moved impossibly faster, holding onto your hips tightly, chasing his own high. “So close…” His voice was barely a whisper, completely lost in the feeling of it all as he continued to indulge in your body, in the feel of your walls clenching around him, in the way your tits looked when they bounced with every single one of his movements against you.

Pulling out, Chan held his cock in his hand, wrapping his fingers around it and pumping himself to completion right on top of your lower belly with a groan. You couldn’t help but shiver at the feel of his warm seed on your body, a sensation that you immediately knew would plague your wettest dreams, along with the sounds that ran freely from his mouth.

Chan plopped down next to you, panting, breathless. Much like yourself, just trying to catch your breaths. Closing your eyes you set to enjoy the feelings coursing through your body, the ringing in your ears, the aches and the burns and the warmth, all pure bliss and satisfaction.

When you opened your eyes again and turned your head to the side you found Chan already looking at you, and, as if there had been some pulling force between you two, you found each other once again, your mouths sealed in a slow, passionate kiss.

“So much for taking your time…” You teased him as soon as he pulled away from the kiss, making him laugh.

“Couldn’t resist when you looked so good with my cock in your mouth”, Chan reached for his discarded shirt, using it to wipe the remnants of his climax from your body, dumping it on the floor right after.

Once he laid back down, he pulled you to him, holding you close to enjoy the post-coital bliss as one of his legs slotted between yours.

“We have a problem, princess”, Chan mumbled against your hair. 

Your hands traced patterns on his back as you cuddled, feeling the scars there, too. Humming in acknowledgement, you urged him to continue, trying your best to act as if those words hadn’t brought the tiniest drop of concern in your mind.

Chan’s arms held you tighter, humming as well until he finally spoke. “Against my better judgement, against all that is proper, I’m utterly smitten by you. How are you gonna take responsibility for that, huh princess?”

Pulling back from Chan’s chest you looked at him, at the teasing smile on his face coupled with the serious glint in his eyes, and you couldn’t help but chuckle, with a genuine smile on your lips. “I guess you’ll have to court me and find out”.

“You’d like that?” There was a tone of hopefulness in his voice, and it made you giddy. “I told you, I’m a boring man, darling. You’d get tired of me”. 

“I’d like that very much”, you pressed a kiss to his lips. “Besides, you’ve already marked me, you’ve got to take responsibility for these, too”, you gestured to your chest, to the numerous purple splotches Chan left behind, a sheepish smile appearing on his face as he looked at them.

Cupping your cheek, Chan looked you in the eyes for a bit, taking you in until finally he leaned in and kissed you again.

That night, even though you were both tired from the long journey, you both spent as much of your energy as you could just exploring each other, enjoying each other, until your bodies couldn’t keep up anymore. By the time the moon was at her highest in the sky you and Chan were already spent, so you simply held onto each other as sleep finally claimed you both.

When you woke up the next day, the light coming from the window was enough for you to infer it was close to midday, and slightly alarmed, you tapped on Chan’s arm that rested around your waist. “Chan… Chan… It’s morning already, we overslept”.

Chan simply grumbled, moving his hand to your ribs, right below your breast, tightening his hold on you as he buried his face in your hair and pressed his chest flush to your back. “And? It’s not like we’re camping, doesn’t matter if we sleep in…” He mumbled, clearly only half awake.

You immediately relaxed in his hold, you’d gotten so used to getting moving as soon as your eyes opened that it almost became a part of your routine, but Chan had a point, there was no hurry to move when you were staying at an inn like this. Taking a hold of the hand he had placed on your ribs, you moved it so you could place a kiss on his calloused palm. The action made Chan let out a satisfied sigh, moving as close as he could to you as you clutched his hand to your chest.

“Maybe…” Chan spoke again after a while, mumbling against your shoulder as he started to press kisses on your skin, making goosebumps raise under his touch. “Maybe we could even stay for another day… So we can, you know, recover from the long journey…”

Chan’s hand moved away from where you were holding it against your chest, softly caressing the skin of your abdomen, your belly, your thighs, reaching your bum only for him to squeeze one of your buttocks, making you chuckle. “What do you think, hmm?”

You pressed yourself further into him, feeling him already hard against your rear. “What’s one more day to a two month trip, right?”

“Exactly”.

You moved, and as soon as you were on your back Chan was already on top of you, kissing your neck, your chest, your nipples, your belly… Slowly, leisurely, he left kisses everywhere on your torso as his hands massaged your body, mumbling words of praise against your skin as he went ‘so beautiful, driving me fucking crazy…’ Until he finally found himself between your legs, making you shudder and tremble with his tongue, with his mouth, with his fingers… Certainly one of the best ‘lazy mornings’ you had spent in a long, long time.

You did rest that extra day in the inn, going into the hot springs, eating at the tavern… But admittedly, most of the time you were just in your shared room, all tangled limbs, sharing moans and groans and grunts, sharing your warmth, sharing your stories. And by the time you left the inn, hopped onto your horses, and continued with your journey, you realised that this is what real peace felt like. 

After a few weeks, after you saw the first of many banners signalling Queen Naeel’s territory, after many more stays in inns throughout her realm, after many days and nights spent just enjoying Chan’s company, you finally made it to your friend’s home. The second you stepped into her castle you were almost winded by the collision of her body against yours, holding you so tightly against her that you couldn’t help the tears that welled in your eyes. 

“You’re here…” Naeel sobbed against your shoulder, only to quickly pull herself away from you to hold you by the shoulders, her eyes frantically scanning the features of your face.

You couldn’t help but giggle, bringing her into a hug again, quiet tears spilling from your eyes as you held her in your arms. “I’m here… All thanks to you, and Chan, of course”.

“Oh, Channie!” Naeel removed herself from your embrace, jumping instead towards Chan who had been standing behind you, looking fondly at the reunion, his expression quickly changing to that of shock as Naeel hugged him tightly, too. “You did well, thank you, thank you”.

“Your… Your Majesty, please”, Chan cleared his throat, awkwardly patting Naeel on the back.

“Ah, right, physical contact, big no, no”, she regarded him with another smile, reaching for your hand to pull you closer to her. “I trust you two had a safe journey?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary, Your Majesty”, you had spent the last few weeks with the unfiltered, carefree Chan, it almost made you laugh to see him back into his Proper Knight mode. “Besides, Her Highness was an excellent companion all throughout”.

“Oh? Was she?” Naeel looked back at you, with a glint of something in her eyes, something insufferable you were surely going to have to deal with as soon as you two were on your own.

Chan just hummed in response, adding a “if that’s all for now, I’ll be taking my leave, Your Majesty. I’m sure you two would like to catch up”.

“Yes, yes. You’re dismissed, Channie. Take a week off, or two, or three, as you see fit, you deserve it”, with a couple of pats on Chan’s shoulders, Naeel pulled herself away from his space, coming instead to your side and slinging an arm over your shoulder, pulling you tight against her side, making you smile.

“Your Majesty”, Chan bowed his head towards Naeel, then turned to you, offering his hand. “Your Highness”, you placed your hand in his, and felt heat creep on your face as he brought it to his face, placing a soft kiss on your knuckles, regarding you with a warm smile and an even warmer look in his eyes. “I’ll see you soon”.

With that, he left, leaving you a blushing mess. A blushing mess as if you had not let him fuck you for days on end.

Naeel quickly took you to the courtyard, her attendants bringing you cakes and biscuits and tea for you to spend the afternoon in a resting area that was clearly just set there for her to relax in. “So, how was the trip?” Bending at the waist, she expertly tied the anklet you had given back to her around her ankle, once again matching with you as you still wore yours religiously.

“Not that bad…” You commented as you chewed the sugary treats. Speaking with your mouth full would’ve surely earned you an angry slap from your father, but he wasn’t here, he was hopefully no longer in your life, so you could be as free as you wanted, knowing that Naeel wouldn’t judge you, if anything, she was just like you. “Compared to, you know, living with my father, it was rather enjoyable I’d say”.

Humming softly, Naeel took a sip of her tea. “And Chan?”

“Chan… Chan’s nice. Really… Really nice”, you took a sip of your tea as well, trying to hide from your friend’s inquiring eyes as she looked at you.

“He is! Just a bit too stoic sometimes”, she chuckled, reaching for a biscuit. “I was hoping he would loosen up a bit with this trip. He’s one of my best knights, but he needs to relax, to detach from work a bit. I hope he managed to distract himself”.

Your mind quickly filled with memories of the nights you and Chan shared, in the mountains, in the inns, in your campsites… You could almost feel the phantom of his touch on your skin, and it was heating you up way too quickly. “I think he… He did loosen up a bit. Or that’s how it seems to me”.

“Mmm”, Naeel gave you an inquisitive look. “You’re quite feisty, and he likes that sort of thing, so I sure hope you gave him a hard time and got him a bit out of his element…”

You stared at your friend, blinking. It dawned on you then, why your friend chose him for the task, why she sent Chan to get you, and your jaw would’ve hit the floor if it hadn’t been attached to your face. She was playing matchmaker. She had not only rescued you, but she was trying to get you laid. “You sent Chan with intent! You sent him specifically on purpose!”

“Of course I did!” Naeel laughed, loudly. “I knew you’d like him, and judging by the way you were looking at him I was right! And I was sure he’d like you, too. Haven’t seen him smile as bright as he did when you guys parted earlier!”

“Naeel, dear…” You couldn’t help but scoff a laugh, utterly baffled. “I love you so, so much. You’re nuts”.

“You know me well, my dear. And I love you, too”, Naeel’s smile couldn’t have been any brighter, and it warmed you up. You truly, truly loved your friend deeply, even if she was a bit nuts. “So, does that mean that you guys got acquainted with one another as I hoped?”

You looked at her for a moment, completely silent, your face going dead serious, which made a look of worry flash on her face. Until you couldn’t stop the smile that crept onto your lips. Slowly, you unbuttoned the first few buttons of your shirt, showing Naeel the purple marks on your chest, the marks that Chan had not let fade since the moment he first pressed his mouth on your chest, the marks he left time and time again, making Naeel gasp and bring her hands to her mouth.

“Oh, wow!” Throwing her head back she laughed again, lightly kicking her feet. “I’m a fucking genius! I should be crowned again, Queen of Matchmaking!”

You couldn’t help but laugh with her, reaching for your cup of tea. “I can’t believe you, Naeel…”

Figuring out the logistics of you staying with Naeel was easy. You didn’t want to live at the castle, it reminded you too much of your old life, and you also didn’t want to be pampered anymore. You wanted a new beginning, a different life to that you had known, so your friend helped you settle, giving you a humble house in the castle town and offering you a job as a royal seamstress within her already established team ‘I’ve seen your work, and I’d love to have you design things for me!’. It was a privilege not many could have, and you were aware of it, so you took the offer. If your friend believed in you and your abilities, why wouldn’t you believe in yourself for the task?

Your new home was cosy, just big enough for one person, with enough space for your few belongings. You thought you’d have a hard time your first night there, but it was surprisingly easy for you to fall asleep there. Almost as if your body knew there was no danger, as if it knew you could finally rest.

For your first few days there you didn’t see Chan. You didn’t know where he lived, and you hadn’t had the time to ask Naeel about it, so you settled for waiting until you could run into him, and although there was a part of you that knew he would come looking for you, there was still a part of you that worried he might’ve decided you were not worth his time anymore. That was, until you heard a knock on your door and you opened it to find the man standing right there at your doorstep, with a small bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Her Majesty told me where you were staying”, he had a sheepish smile on his face, shyly handing you the bouquet, and you couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto your face as you took it. “I was hoping to… To maybe show you around?”

“I’d like that”, stepping into his space, you leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on his lips as your front door closed behind you.

One of Chan’s hands found your waist, pulling you closer to him with an appreciative hum as the other held the back of your head, angling you a bit so he could deepen the kiss. You didn’t care if anyone saw you, just like he also didn’t seem to care, if anything, he held you in his arms confidently, and it made you chuckle against his lips. “I take it you’re no longer conflicted about your feelings for me?”

Chan simply shook his head, removing his hands from your frame so he could link your arm with his and pull you along to walk down the street. “It’s too late for that, princess”.

“Ah, but you’re still calling me princess?” There was no ill intent in your voice, if anything, only a bit of a teasing tone.

“Of course! You are my princess, after all. Are you not, darling?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, tightening your hold on his arm as you continued to walk with him, following him anywhere he pulled you to. “Then I’ll be your princess, and yours only”.

Chan simply smiled at you, one of those smiles that made his face light up, his dimples pop and his eyes disappear, and as usual, you couldn’t help the flutter of your heart at the sight. You didn’t feel like a princess anymore, not like a real one at least, but the switch from it being a title, a title that had only meant pain in your life, to it being a term of endearment, a term used by Chan and only Chan, helped you cope, and you hoped that, in due time, you could finally fully heal.

© therhythmafterthesummer 2022-2023. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my stories.

Constructive feedback is always welcome :)

[yuri-is-online]

Same Anon here that dropped that mess of an angst post lol. Maybe I should find some name for myself if this becomes a regular thing.

There are a lot of valid points there. For as lightly as the story treats everything, wow this would be messed up irl. But I digress, I personally can see this potentially taking a much darker route. I don’t know if you’re comfortable talking about this so TW: Brief mention of suicide

I imagine Yuu to just bottle everything up for the aforementioned reasons of being seen as weak for expressing any of their emotions only for it to all come out in one big mental breakdown. I think it would be quite poetic for Yuu’s breakdown to be more of a quiet self-destructive thing just to contrast the showy, outwardly destructive nature of the overblots. I always thought it could be some spur of the moment decision to just end it all out of sheer hopelessness and a thoroughly crushed sense of self-worth. I just can’t see a teenager handling a burden this heavy very well. Whether or not Yuu survives could be up to how dark you want to go.

Also if it isn’t too much, I would like to see that post about the boys’ individual reactions to Yuu running away sometime. But I’m aware you only write for a few at a time so…

previous post

You are more than welcome to give yourself a name! I don't have any named annons so you are free to choose anything you like, and make regular appearances if that is what you wish. While I try to only write for a few characters at a time, I don't mind doing a bullet point type post with my thoughts on the boys reacting to Yuu running away sometime, but I need to think as part of me wants to write something sappy and romantic, while the other part wants to focus more on Yuu and their character. I could do both I suppose (￣ω￣;)

I'm fine with talking about suicide, but since it's a sensitive subject I am going to place my thoughts under read more and tag it so if it is something you, dear reader, are triggered by you needn't see more than you are comfortable with.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, discussions of suicide and depression, isolation, abandonment, and missing persons. This also kind of takes a trip into theory town I am so sorry annon. Please do not interact with the words below if you do not wish to think on such things.

I want to start out by saying that when a person is depressed it is not always obvious, even if they are contemplating suicide. We don't have a complete understanding of what drives someone to kill themselves because we can't ask people who have. I do think there is an element of assuming that either the world or you will be better off if you are dead; which I would like to stress simply is not true, but you are not evil for struggling with that feeling even if people try to make you feel like you are.

Yuu's breakdown being "more of a quiet self-destructive thing," as you stated dear friend, would be extremely poetic. To me it highlights the disparity between Yuu and the overblot boys. They have power and are able to hurt others to try and make themselves feel better, Yuu has next to none and is only able to hurt themselves.

Crowley mentions that there is counseling available to all NRC students, assuming the school follows real life laws we can assume the Professors are mandatory reporters. If Yuu shows signs of depression or self-harm, they will be required to report that and recommend Yuu for counseling, but the thing about therapy is that it's not a one size fits all solution. The patient needs to accept that they have a problem and, perhaps more importantly, trust their therapist otherwise you won't benefit from the treatment.

That's assuming that a counselor would even understand how to treat Yuu in the first place, there's a lot going on with their situation and while I could see a good therapist taking it very seriously, there's only so much they can do, which brings me to my sort of sticking point with this and why it took me so long to answer your ask.

Why in the hell is Yuu in Twisted Wonderland in the first place??? "Because they're Alice" ok sure but what does that like actually mean. I don't want to derail this into theory town but I keep thinking about the translated lines Crowley mutters to himself when calling Yuu a beast tamer that doesn't appear in the text box... something about how they look more like they are meant to be eaten by the beast than tame it.

There is a part of me that feels like Crowley wants Yuu to feel isolated and despondent about their chances of getting home, like he needs them to be accepting of their death and convinced it's the only way they will be useful. Something to do with Grim and that big Chimera at the beginning of the game, in the light novel there is someone telling Yuuya to take their hand but they can't move to take it, all they can do is stare up at the big monster and it's evil grin (if i remember correctly)

Anyway all of that to say I can see two sorts of scenarios leading to Yuu trying to harm themselves.

Route A: Summer

As was correctly pointed out in these tags on the original post, I think Summer would be the worst time for an actively depressed Yuu. If they have been seeing a counselor, they will likely not be available over the summer months, Crowley didn't take us on vacation with him the first time so there's no way he'll do it now, and everyone has their own families to get back to.

They only have Grim and the Ghosts. And while Yuu might love them, they technically belong here. Yuu does not. The lack of other friends bothering them means Yuu has time to think good and hard about where they are. And who they left behind.

I like to listen to Dateline while I work sometimes and one of the things that always gets to me is how little closure people feel when someone goes missing, even if they find out what happened to them. If Yuu is missing in their world and their family loves them... they just have next to no chance of ever finding that out. Ever.

If Yuu has a bad relationship with their family, or none at all, they probably start feeling like they are going insane. They have nothing worth going back to really, to the point that people would probably encourage them to see being in Twisted Wonderland as a good thing, a chance for a fresh start. But it has been anything but.

Summer would be a good time to run away, it's easier to be homeless in the Summer, plenty of places need part time help anyway, and Yuu can make a clean break from the school before anyone notices they're gone.

It's also a good time to decide you want to die. By the time your friends come back they will have already gotten used to life without you anyway.

.... i could see this making grim overblot tbh. He blames the school for taking Yuu from him and by the time everyone returns he is there. Waiting. The consequences of their actions given form.

A monument to all their sins.

Option B: Sacrifice

So back to theory tangent.

Grim and Yuu are one student. Crowley treats them as such, but what if he-

Or whoever the real final boss is

Need them to actually be one student.

So they approach Yuu, offer their sympathies. Tell them they know why Crowley cannot send Yuu home.

"Because you came here by dying, don't you remember? These events you have seen, all your misfortunes and troubles, they've all been like one big dream. What a terrible fate you've met... but no worries. I know how to set you free."

The strange masked man places his hand on your shoulder and guides you to the mirror. You see your reflection in it, for the first time you idly realize, hair spread out on the pavement with a halo of blood spatter about your sleeping head.

"You needn't be scared." the man's voice is calm, soothing even, so much so that you almost believe him when he says

"You've died once before, after all. You know exactly what it feels like, it will just be like going to sleep."

Sleep sounds good, even if you have just gotten done fighting to stay awake, so very good you nearly miss the creature's wicked grin spreading mockingly across the reflection of your peaceful face.

[davilasinfiltro]

Badboyhalo gets advice from Reddit

Bad panics after Skeppy releases Best Friend and decides to ask for relationship advice on Reddit because he doesn’t know who else to turn to

979 words

r/relationship_advice u/throwaway132166922

My (M29) best friend (M23) made a song about me and I don’t know how to feel about it.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m so paranoid about anyone finding out who I am but I frequent this subreddit a lot and can't find anyone who is in the same situation as me. I also don’t know who I can even talk to about this since we have a lot of mutual friends. If this gets too much traction I’m deleting it quickly, here goes nothing >_<

Here’s the context, me and my friend have known each other online for a while and have been friends for around 4 years (my friends poke fun that we have our ‘anniversary’ memorized but I digress.) We’ve half heartedly been making plans to meetup for the past few years. What can I say? I don’t like leaving the house and never really had the urge to meet any of my online friends. I’d argue that you could have a meaningful relationship with someone and never meet them irl. Anyways, I never took these conversations too seriously. I would always say I’m not ready yet, it’s too close to the holidays, who’s going to take care of my dog? The one time we did have concrete plans I was sick with covid and I had a long recovery. And we just never followed up with a reschedule.

I never knew how much this affected my friend until he wrote this sort of… rap and produced it with one of our mutual friends. He insults me, saying I have a massive ego, I’m a psycho, it’s my fault I made him ‘feel blue,’ and immediately backtracks and compliments me. There’s another lyric that says I’m pushing him away and if I’m hiding something? This part I have to quote verbatim because it’s the part I understand the least,

“I can’t really say my true intentions

It’s all just miscommunication

Please don’t take it the wrong way

I love you dude and I hope we’re okay”

And that’s how it ends. Meanwhile, I had no clue my friend was having this type of conflicting feelings about me. Or how much us meeting up meant to him. Yeah maybe we’d go from talking every day to messaging each other only semi frequently but that’s just the evolution of a friendship right? We were both getting busier as our respective careers became more time-consuming but that’s nobody’s fault, is it? I know I should apologize to him for never taking his requests for us to meetup too seriously but I think there’s something else under the surface.

Does he want to confess to me? I keep going back to that lyric, “I can’t really say my true intentions.” He’s pretty much ripped his heart out on this song but there’s /one/ thing he can’t say to me? Does it have to do with him wanting to preserve our friendship, that it’ll be strained in some way if he confesses? I don’t know what gives him that impression, a lot of our friends are lgbt+. Heck, a lot of them make jokes that we like each other already. Anyways, there shouldn’t be anything deterring him from confessing if that’s what he is trying to do. Or not trying to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I still haven’t said anything to him directly since he made that song.

u/amycat1203

Whatever you two have going on is gayer than any gay person I know irl

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that -_-

u/justadudelmao

This is too outrageous to be fake, so I’m trying to take this seriously. It sounds like y’all have some shit to talk out in person. If the next message you send him isn’t a confirmation for a plane ticket you’re the problem

-> Reply u/throwaway132166922

If I travel to him it won’t be by plane, I have a phobia. But you’re right :/ I need to make it up to him soon if this is how he feels about us not meeting up

u/matchmakingismypassion

Maybe he has reason to believe you wouldn’t want him to confess to you. How do you react to the jokes your friends make about you together? Do you even reciprocate any possible romantic feelings to him?

->Reply u/throwaway132166922

It’s complicated, early on in our friendship he’d flirt with me as a troll and I’d always politely turn him down. I’ve known about him for so long, even before he was 18. I wasn’t comfortable indulging in this kind of joke. So even if he was 19 when he made these comments, he felt too young for me. He grew out of it and eventually we were inseparable as best friends, to the point that our mutual friends would tease us. Both of us would casually deny anything to our friends but honestly, I wouldn’t mind dating him if he made the first move. But you understand why I can’t make the first move, right?

->Reply u/matchmakingismypassion

To me it sounds like he shouldn’t make the first move either if all he’s ever heard from you is rejection. Especially if you can’t even make the effort to meetup, something he obviously wants from you. He made the song as a plea to start an open dialogue, and that starts with you bud.

u/skephalofan141414

EVERYONE. THIS STORY IS FAKE. This is some guy pretending to be Badboyhalo about the song Skeppy made called “Best Friend” on youtube. You’re a weirdo trying to karma farm off of a story that isn’t yours to tell

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Who??? Link please???

->Reply u/skephalofan141414

https://youtu.be/skDch34PtEM?si=Usxbm6LXisq9xWCD

->Reply u/thisteaishotaf

Why the fuck would his friend post this on a minecraft channel LMAO

[fellow-meme-lover]

Hi! I just caught your very nuanced response to the anon that asked you about the Events ™ of Sunday and you mentioned how "we know this isn’t the first time he’s publicly chewed Carlos out after a bad race" and I was wondering if you could perhaps point those examples out? I've followed/been into charlos since late 2021 but I'm only interacting with the larger side of F1 fandom just this year again (And I have shit memory on top of that 😅) and I miss/missed a lot of the out-of-racing tea (i only knew about the whole Reyes liking tweet thing since recently)

Me and other irl friends who are fans of the sport were discussing how... Curious (for lack of a better word) it was that this thing seems to have been blown a liiiittle out of proportion. I asked them if they could recall a moment where Charles gave out this type of insidious comments about a driver and specially his current teammate but they couldn't recall any other occasion either. So, my musing became that: is this receiving such a backlash bc it's the first time Charles says something objectively foul? But then you said that so I'm like 👀

Sorry for the long ask 😅

Hi!!! So for reference I’ve been a casual fan for a while but it’s only been this year where I’ve really gotten into the f1 fandom myself, so I’m sure there’s lore that I’m missing. But what I meant by that comment that this isn’t the first time he’s publicly chewed Carlos out is, is that far as I’m aware, he hasn’t necessarily said comments about Carlos personally in the press the way that he did at the Spanish gp, but more so the “argument” he had with Carlos after the race in parc fermé (the one that valterri and Oscar witnessed like two kids watching their divorced parents fighting). There’s a video where Charles did a similar thing and was visibly lecturing Carlos in the middle of the paddock with other drivers and people around. I’ve seen the video but couldn’t find it for the purposes of replying to this ask, so the best I have is this tweet with a picture of it. I also can’t tell you which race it’s from (so if anyone knows please tell me). The reason why I brought it up in the other ask is because it bothers me that Charles doesn’t let these disagreements happen behind closed doors, and as someone else here said, Charles will apologize, but we probably won’t hear about it, so the argument is public but the apology is private, which seems unfair to Carlos who now suffers the fallout from lecfosi.

P.S. don’t be sorry for the long ask because I gave a long response!

[xx-slug-xx]

Hello! It have been a while since i've heard about the controversies of Viv, especially about some of her views

If you want, can you explain about her transphobia, homophobia, racism and antisemitism, pls?

I’m not an expert by any means, but I can explain a little bit. There’s other sources that are more reliable than my word though, especially since I’m not going to go into huge detail lol. I encourage you to do your own research, my word is not law and there’s a good chance I’m misinformed.

I will give a disclaimer that, despite being proship, I do discuss some of the things she depicts in her fictional works on top of things she does irl. Some of which is just my opinions based on observation of the show. But most of this is in regard to stereotypes being portrayed, which is an area of fiction that actively perpetuates bigotry and I don’t really see it as “just fiction”. That’s just me though. There’s some screenshots of how she treats real people too.

Anyway, antisemitism:

The character Mimzy from HH is a blatant Jewish stereotype. Not only is she someone who’s extremely money hungry, small sharp teeth, short, fat, has a nasally voice, but she’s also got the classic hooked nose that’s seen in antisemitic propaganda, (none are bad things on their own. If it wasn’t for all of them combined, then I wouldn’t think twice about it tbh) On top of that, she’s not a well liked character in the show, being portrayed as annoying, selfish, greedy, and even sleazy to some extent. She’s not a character that has many positive aspects to her

But on top of that the character Rosie is based on the Jewish mother stereotype as well. It’s even in her audition notes.

But wait! There more! She was a fan of the I-hate-jewce blog here on tumblr, as she followed them and did an art trade with them that depicted Hitler as a Sausage Party character. The excuse she makes was that she didn’t believe in I-hate-jewce’s opinions, but admired their way they voiced their opinions. And that it was a different time when making jokes and stating harmful opinions like these were “more accepted”. Which, to me, is a piss poor excuse for being a bigot in the past and/or present.

Onto transphobia:

This screenshot may be faked, but it also lines up with her pfp at the time the screenshots were taken, as well as other viewpoints she’s lauded to. They are from discord, formatting is wierd bc they were taken in compact mode

However, she does misgender her trans associates. There’s been an ongoing (to my knowledge) situation and dispute between someone named Ken and Vivzie. Ken uses they/them pronouns. Vivzie has been seen many times referring to Ken using she/her, despite knowing Ken’s identity quite well. Here’s some screenshots from some times they’ve talked together, Vivzie talking about Ken to others, and Ken voicing their concern twards Vivsies views on their gender. (Sorry for bad quality btw)

In addition to this, Vivzie in the past (when zoophobia was being worked on), has created a character by the name of Jojo who was a direct caricature of a past friend that she clearly didn’t like.

Here’s the character

Plus, folks who have worked with Spindlehorse have discussed that transphobia is an issue in the work place. Not really Vivzie’s fault, she can’t control everything. But still, it’s odd and not cool that this continued to be an issue.

Millie’s trans brother in HB doesn’t have any speaking roles, or even a name. And there was an error in one of the episodes he appears in where his horns indicate that’s he’s cis male instead of being trans (not a huge concern, animation errors happen. I just find it not cool that rep for trans men was overlooked) She also doesn’t credit people who voice the only trans masc character with a speaking part, plus he’s also unnamed. But from the looks of it, his VA is a cis male. Keep in mind the contrast for Sallie Mae being that her VA is a trans woman.

Vivzie has shown a pattern of not respecting trans men as real men. Or any afab person as their gender if it’s something other than cis. It’s a pattern that’s come up that can’t be denied imo. It’s especially obvious when it’s towards people she has some sort of beef with.

Would also like to bring up how her merch sexualizes Sallie Mae. Like, to the same degree that the main characters of HB are. She’s a side character who has minimal speaking parts and appearances. Yet, she’s sexualized to hell and back. I’m all for making trans women feel desirable and beautiful, because they are! I think it’s great! But imo, I find it kinda weird that her trans fem rep is treated like this when she’s not a main character. Plus, her merch doesn’t do that to her trans masc characters. Why do it to one but not the others? But hey, that’s just me and it’s not a rule that everyone has to agree with me on that lmao

Racism:

Valentino is black coded, and is a blatant black stereotype (violent, black, drug addicted pimp archetype who sexually abuses people). I don’t feel like I need to explain why that’s not a great look.

Alastor is “black coded” (ashy skin and he’s white washed to hell). He uses voodoo, which is a closed practice that black slaves created to empower themselves and have a connection to their roots despite their horrible circumstances. He’s “mixed” Creole from some older depicting of him in notes if I recall.

She has supported Blaire White (she did black face and mocked blm) (look up that whole issue lol, too much there to talk about but I’m putting it here anyway) before back tracking when people realized what was going on. Vivzie back peddles a lot on her past though, never making a true apology or owning up to her past actions.

Any characters that DONT look white washed in the shows are not designed by her. Every poc character that she designs herself is white washed to hell and back. I know they are demons, they don’t look human, that’s a given. But Grim from TGAOBAM is a literal skeleton, but you still know he’s black. There’s better ways to depict bipoc coded characters though, that’s my point. She prides herself on her bipoc representation, when it’s shit representation when she’s the one soully behind it imo. There are really good character designs that depict people of color, but they aren’t Vivzie’s ideas and that credit goes to the character design team!

Sir Pentious is based on another ex friend of hers who she used to mock. She didn’t like him, saw him as a joke, etc. He was indigenous American, his hood is ment to look like his hair (which Vivzie mocked extensively). The whole “inventor” aspect of his character is ment to mock the steampunk aesthetic that her ex friend liked. He’s also the butt of a lot of jokes. Overall, I don’t think it’s very cool that Vivzie has repeatedly shown to make caricatures of real like people who belonged to minority groups.

Nifty’s pilot design depicted her skin as yellow. She’s Japanese. This is on top of being a maid and being boy crazy. That’s not a stereotype at all /sar. (She’s one of my favorites and she did get a redesign in the premier. And she got the best jokes in the show so far imo. She’s silly lol but I still wanted to bring it up, despite how much I like her)

She has ignored bipoc fans when they express being uncomfortable with anything relating to how she depicts poc characters. And it’s blatant that she doesn’t care about the voices of concern from her bipoc fans. If you are going to depict bipoc characters in your show, especially cultural depictions, listen to people who are bipoc and who come from those cultures you are depicting! She as a white person needs to listen to bipoc people when they voice their concerns to her about characters that are supposed to represent them!

Also! During her recent trip to Japan, she ate at McDonald’s and KFC despite there being a boycott due to the companies both supporting Israel. Idk how you feel about it, anon, and it’s not something I’ll go into too much detail over since I’m not super knowledgeable on it. But it’s a really important detail about Vivzie to a lot of people out there, and I wanted to bring it up because of that. (I hate all wars and genocides before anyone makes assumptions about my stances)

Homophobia:

Not much to say reguarding this other than I found that she favors mlm relationships heavily over wlw relationships. HB isn’t a show that focuses on lesbian relationships because that’s just not the way the show is written, and that’s fine. However, she prides herself on the wlw rep she created due to HH being female focused. The main relationship between Charlie and Vaggie feels pushed away in favor of more mlm relationships. They clearly have been dating for a while, and so, their relationship doesn’t need to be explored as much as some others imo. However, to me the show doesn’t do too much with them and there’s a large focus on the male characters and their relationships as opposed to the female lead and her girlfriend.

I will give her credit on her depictions of gay and bi men, I do like a lot of those and I can’t really find anything terrible to say about that or find evidence of how she treats real gay people. Everyone is free to think whatever they want though. However, queer people are the only minority group that Vivzie actively is in support of from what I’ve seen, which is sad imo.

You could say that Angel Dust is a homophobic stereotype (sex loving, drug addicted, drag queen, sex worker, feminine), but there’s real people in the world who share his experiences and it makes me feel like the people who claim such just don’t take into account of the real people in the queer community who share similarities to him. Like, there’s a lot of queer men who do sex work and are addicted to various substances. It’s a struggle and his character is a testament to that.

Anyway, do your own research, come up with your own conclusions, you can still like her work and characters, and all that! This is stuff off the top of my head that I could think of.

(Any Vivzie stans who try to tell me that this is either all faked or rumors will be ignored btw. I’m tired of dealing with y’all every time I say anything about her that’s even remotely negative. You guys can like what you like, even if your attachment to Vivzie is unhealthy imo and you shouldn’t place anyone on a pedestal. She’s not perfect, nobody is. This is my opinion, and it won’t change. I don’t hate her shows or her work. I just dislike her as a person.)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/747358492889858048/sugurus-route-sounds-interesting-i-know-a-lot-of?source=share

is it just me, but if reader and suguru are in their twenties, i don't see the four year age gap being a big deal? and later on, it becomes even less of a big deal.

i get that there may be some moral deliberation on suguru's part with the growing up aspect, but for them to keep their relationship a secret forever? really? that's kinda weird imo and making a big fuss out of nothing

if they're like 24 and 28, why the hell do they have to hide? i literally don't get it at all. they're not doing anything immoral. and reader is not a child by any means, and it's not like they have some cognitive gap or anything. i just don't get it. maybe it's a cultural thing, and for you it's a bigger deal than it is for me.

obviously fourteen x eighteen is super fucked up and wrong, but we're not talking about that, my god

aaa and !!! as for riko !!!! kairo COOKED w the shoko thing.

i think... that this pairing makes a lot of sense! i think it makes more sense than riko x reader, tbh

i just... i don't see the need of turning every best friend friendship into a romance

like irl i don't want to fuck my friends (pardon me for being crude) and i will never want to fuck them, and that's okay. i'm perfectly satisfied with our friendships staying friendships, and the transition to a romance is not necessarily a signification of a 'higher-level' relationship

at the end of the day though, as others have said, it's your stories so you get to do whatever the hell you want to do with it

…. anon i talked abt this a bit in another ask but maybe you missed it so i’ll say it again :’3

(this got very long i’m sorry in advance 😔)

the gap itself isn’t the problem, it’s not a big deal in their twenties. the issue here is the way their dynamic started. satoru always viewed reader like a younger sibling, and it was the same with suguru. don’t you think that would be awkward for them at all? 😭 i think you’re focusing on the present point of their relationship which is fine, but their history as a whole is important too!! if you grew up with a younger kid who was crushing on you, while you viewed them as a sibling, wouldn’t you also feel weird about developing feelings for them later down the line? i definitely would!!

the important part is the shift in their dynamic, not the age gap (but i mention the gap bc it’s so central to their prior dynamic). satoru can’t bring himself to shift his view on reader, bc he still sees them as someone younger that he needs to protect. there’s a kind of power dynamic there that’s important to remember, and it was established when they first met. he’s older, he’s known you since you were a little kid, he’s spent all those years making sure not to give you the impression that he’s leading you on at all. satoru doesn’t want to break that pattern, and he views that choice as important.

so don’t you think he’d be kind of pissed if he found out suguru had gotten together with you? if he found out suguru had made a choice to break that pattern, when he was so adamant on not doing so? there would definitely be a lot of tension there. satoru literally spends the fic talking about how he thinks reader should be with someone better, someone closer to their own age, someone who they didn’t meet from such a young age — and then he finds out they’re with suguru??

like . there’s no way there wouldn’t be a fight there. i’m not saying it’d be the end of the world or their friendship or anything, but satoru would absolutely be upset with suguru. especially since he places him on such a high pedastal. it’s less about morality and more about convictions. there’s nothing immoral about them being together, but it goes against the convictions satoru’s found himself sticking to.

so!!! that’s the reason i think they would keep their relationship secret. to avoid that tension. i can’t see it being anything other than a sneaky summer romance. maybe in the future they could tell everyone, but i also just don’t see suguru/reader as an actual endgame couple in this au… i didn’t specify this in the fic but the two of them aren’t nearly as close as reader is with riko and satoru, since they only met when suguru was hanging out at the gojo household.

anyway!! that’s my take on that. again, the gap isn’t the issue, it’s everything surrounding their dynamic, and the history of it. bottom line is that stsg grew up viewing reader as a sibling of sorts, so of course any kind of shift from that pattern would feel strange. if you meet someone when they’re fourteen and you’re eighteen, i’d argue that it’s a lot weirder to not consider that part of your dynamic important when thinking of them as a potential romantic interest in the future.

like, imagine someone asking you and your partner for your age, and you tell them you’re 27 while your partner is 23. not a big deal, obviously!! but then they ask what age you were when you met and you have to say you were eighteen and they were fourteen. even if you quickly explain that you didn’t get together until you were both adults, don’t you think that would earn you some weird stares? it’s not immoral but it’s a delicate situation, and i think satoru would get angry at suguru for not handling it delicately enough from his pov. remember that satoru himself can only see it as totally normal like. a decade into the future LMAO. his view doesn’t have to be the same as yours or mine, but it’s satoru’s own view that’s important here.

….. hopefully that made it all a bit more clear 😭 sorry for rambling so much anon!! hopefully you’re still with me :’3 obviously you’re free to root for whichever couple you want, but i don’t see myself changing my stance on these two. it’s a fun what-if bonus ending and i think that’s more than enough!! nothing that’s meant to be angsty or whatever, just suguru and reader sneaking around a bit because they know riko and satoru will be angry.

AH ALSO one more thing !! :’3 i’d argue that there is a cognitive gap between reader and suguru. reader is 22-23 in the fic, suguru is 27. it’s not a big gap but the human brain doesn’t finish developing completely until your mid/late twenties!!

i just... i don't see the need of turning every best friend friendship into a romance like irl i don't want to fuck my friends (pardon me for being crude) and i will never want to fuck them, and that's okay. i'm perfectly satisfied with our friendships staying friendships, and the transition to a romance is not necessarily a signification of a 'higher-level' relationship

wait nevermind i also wanna talk abt this 💔 a bit more rambling incoming.

overall!! you don’t have to like riko/reader anon. that’s totally understandable!! a part of me also prefers them staying as friends and nothing else, and i’ve always hated the idea that romantic love is seen as stronger as platonic love bc it just . isn’t. platonic love can be and often is just as powerful!! canonically reader and riko are best friends, nothing else, but i still think they’d be cute in a what-if scenario, that’s all :3 if it’s not your cup of tea then that’s totally fine, none of the endings are canon anyway.

as for the sexual aspect 😭 i just wanted to point this out bc i never write any of my character dynamics with a sexual aspect in mind, even the romantic ones. sex doesn’t have to be a part of romance!! maybe you were just joking so i’m sorry if i’m reading too much into it, just wanted to mention it bc i do see it as important :’3 being lovers doesn’t equal to having sex!!

[katkit-drops-alt]

So a few days ago I made a blank scripts OC named Mell, and ever since I made her I’ve been just thinking more little tidbits of more for her, so here’s a silly little doodle page I made ^^

(GO SUPPORT THE CREATOR OF BLANK SCRIPTS AU: @blackkatdraws !!! THEY’RE AMAZING!!)

(lore + close ups and ver w/o effects below!)

Lore:

- Mell is a NPC who often lurks in the shadows of the dungeon watching and observing everything and everyone

- She is incredibly shy and introverted towards others, often avoiding the ‘janitors’ and any unlikely visitors

- She has a boyfriend :0 his name is Zephyr, and he is another NPC! He’s just a silly farm boy who gets into trouble a bunch and hurts himself on accident a lot. He’s very affectionate and clingy, which Mell doesn’t mind at all ^^

- ^ she’s pan!!

- Mell likes the guard dogs of the dungeon, often getting sorta bitter when others find them ‘disgusting’ (she thinks they’re pretty cool)

- Fun Fact: her apron is WAY too big for her, which is why the ribbon is tied around her waist two times

- She’s has a restrictive eating disorder! She can only eat meat (meal-wise; desserts and candies are fine for her)

- If she actually existed IRL, she probably would be rlly into fundamental paper education (which I kinda based off the background on!)

- She absolutely HATES when there’s too much light in one room. It just gives her so many sensory issues to where she will cry if she can’t get out of a bright room

- Autism rep? Autism rep.

- Mell likes to infodump to her small group of friends, and will absolutely try to impress someone with her knowledge if she finds them rlly cool

- Another fun fact: she likes playing with her bones and feeling the texture on them, and even sometimes lets Zephyr to touch them if they’re just walking around doing nothing

If you want to know anything else about Mell and/or Zephyr, just let me know :D I like infodumping abt my silly ocs and would be more than happy to share them w/ you

Vers / closeups!! (CW: Blood)

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[gvf-stan]

Please read. I am here for help, not hate. 

Let me preface this with this is entirely a me issue and not a Josh issue. This is not big picture - it’s small picture. In no way do I wish he didn’t come out. 

I have been really struggling with Josh’s post. I hate that I’m even saying that. Let me explain. I am absolutely not anti lgbtq+. Let’s say, if my best friend or Danny came out I’d be shouting praise from the rooftops. This has more to do with being diehard Josh lane. Please understand that I HATE that I feel this way. I am being open and vulnerable in hopes that I can receive some helpful guidance. I don’t know where else to turn.  Truly. 

My heart fell to my stomach. It feels like my depression and anxiety are taking root again. I haven’t eaten since because I am sad. It’s like when you receive shocking news and it knocks your world off kilter. My heart hurts. I’ve never once thought I could pull him (don’t even live close enough to ever meet the guy!) but when I was fantasizing over him it just felt different when I imagined he would be interested in female genitalia. Now I can’t stop thinking about how he’s been giving head for 8 years. I don’t mean to sound vulgar - I’m really just trying to be clear and concise. It almost feels like I’m going through a breakup of sorts? Not necessarily with the band, but with my fantasies and original understanding of Josh? Why do I feel this way? I hate it! 

I can’t help but wonder if the majority of the super positive posts I read are from Jake/Sam/Danny lane? Are there really no other Josh laners that feel a little stung by this? Not angry with Josh, by any means, but hurt because change can be challenging. Can we be honest about this? It’s not hate - it’s real vulnerable feelings, even if we don’t like that we’re having them. I feel like irl we would be disappointed to find out someone we crush isn’t interested in us, no?

I was feeling and very much alone when I came across this fandom. I found happiness and fun here and i was really uplifted. It’s been my safe space for a while. I loved reading the Josh fics and now everyone is going to either take them down or stop writing them. 

I really don’t want to feel this way. Like, really! No one enjoys being upset. Will time help? I’m terrified that time won’t help. I haven’t listened to a song. I can’t look at pictures and I know that’s my trauma response. When an instagram story about him comes up I get anxious and nauseated from the anxiety. I can hardly focus. 

Please pass on your helpful words or guidance. I so want to move past this initial response my brain and body are having. 😔 I am feeling so so sad and I hate it. I’m hating me right now. 

[fromfiction]

(excuse the slight lengthiness of this ask pls 😭)

um hello! i’ve seen you answering questions on this blog, so i hope you can answer this one! /nf

i’m entirely new to the term and idea of “fictionkin” but ever since i found out about what fickin was and what it meant, i figured it might be me but i couldn’t be 100% sure because of a smaller thing.

for a bit more context which i feel may be important: i pretty much spent all my life mentally viewing myself as literally animated, as animated medias have always been a special interest since i was little (i’m now diagnosed w/ autism which is why i used that term btw). though i never truly viewed myself as any canon character, i always viewed myself as my self insert sonas growing up, my finest examples of this through the years would be self insert sonas of mlp and eddsworld. nowadays, as my main special interest is my own work (as a writer and artist) i mentally view myself as my persona, i always have during these current years and i believe i always will, to the point where i don’t even associate myself with my body or face physically bc i’ve always viewed myself as some sort of fictional version of myself and in my mind that’s how i look to myself. to put this in terms of an example, i once told someone that my physical body is like a car because i like to decorate it and make it look nice and i use it to get around in this world, but my persona is the driver because in my mind, that’s who i am and i’m simply using this “car” to get around (remember this is an example i don’t literally think my body is a car lmao)

but yea, the reason i’m very confused is because i always see fictionkins identifying as canonical characters from a media, or ig even self inserts as i’ve heard somewhere (correct me if i’m wrong) but i never hear about people identifying as their OWN characters if this makes sense. in my mind, a fictional character is a fictional character, which would include my persona that is very much fictional in every way (atp my persona is a developed character with fictional lore, other worldly traits (like magic), and is always a part of little scenarios or short stories i make up for comfort or outta boredom, just happens to resemble me irl in most ways but is basically how i view myself mentally down from personality to clothes that i really connect with but don’t really wear irl)

but anyway yes, i’ve tried and tried to research for anything that might be similar to my case but i don’t really find much at all.

i hope this ask was okay to send, ik it might be lengthy ik you weren’t asking for my “life story” it’s just that i’ve always wondered what was wrong with me in terms of this topic and why i viewed myself as being a fictional character, and now that i feel closer to a possible answer it’s very relieving but still confusing since i don’t know if the label really fits what i go through. i can’t help but wonder if it’s also maladaptive daydreaming or multiple things/something else but i prob can’t expect much advice or help w that on this blog which is perfectly okay lmao

again, if you read this or even answer this, thank you i’ve really needed to ask this desperate question to someone who seems to know a lot about this subject for possible help so i came here bc i saw that this blog was active for the most part! i’m also sorry if i asked things that weren’t okay to ask or have said/assumed things that weren’t okay either, again i’m very new to fictionkin as a whole.

have a great day and thank you <3

Hey friend. No worry about asking!

It sounds like you're asking if you can be fictionkin of an "original character".

The answer is absolutely. There are plenty of people who are kin of their own ocs, you just don't usually see them talking about it, mostly because their posts don't end up in fandom tags.

[unethicallypleistocene]

hello, me again :) seems like summer is kicking ur ass. i would feed u summer fruits myself but since i can’t, eat them for me? 🥺 but no you’re not ending anything (asks or otherwise) on a depressing note, not on my watch. so! answer some more: 3, 12, 17, 27, 30. also, i love ur ask box title. truly feels like i’m dropping a letter for a dear friend

P.S: thank u for ur unwavering support of my holmesposting & denethorposting! 💕💕 i hope u know that i’m the same w ur cherikposting + can’t deny that they’re v amusing & so is ur commentary on them lolll

aaaaaah I am smooching you platonically!! I actually like summer quite a bit more than winter, but I suppose I have a good amount of Dread coloring my experience. Rest assured that I am consuming summer fruits at maximum velocity! Just this morning I horked down an unadvisable amount of mango (although there really isn't an amount of mango that's unadvisable besides. none) and I hope you're doing the same!! The horrors persist but so does fruit. And thank you for complimenting my ask box! I quite like it too, I really wish I had a similar cozy-looking mailbox irl that was full of the lovely messages from friends I have here! Also: ofc I will always be rooting for your holmesposting and denethorposting! Recently I've been debating whether I prefer holmes/watson as a qpr or a romantic relationship (both. both is good. they might be in a sam/frodo situation here). Thank youuuu for supporting my cherikposting as always! They're so silly and I hate them but that's why they're special to me <333

also. me learning you read my cherik commentary and find it amusing:

On to the actual questions!!

3. What are some of your pet peeves?

Time to get meta with it: when people ask for my pet peeves. I'm never able to come up with something Normal so either I say something actually true that's kind of niche and end up getting weird stares, or I panic and just make something up that's not true and end up spending time feeling bad for lying even though, really, who cares. My autism's kryptonite: pet peeve questions.

12. Something you want to monologue about?

Since I'm still in cherik prison, it looks like there's only one option. Sigh. There's something really tragic about ideology, especially ideologies that are more-or-less aligned, tearing people apart. When an ideology has the power to interfere with a (GAY) relationship, it thereby cements itself as a part of the self. It's more than identity, it's more than a motivator, it forces characters to become figureheads. Of course this is obvious for Charles and Erik specifically, that's been their purpose in the comics since the 60s (and this is especially important in the symbolism/allegory heavy world of x-men comics). Unfortunately for me, I just think their conflict is so much more interesting when they're actually together! They're constantly forced to deal with the cognitive dissonance of the most important person in their lives representing an obstacle to their deepest beliefs. And that's fascinating! I don't think they have to constantly be at the brink of divorce to be at odds, either. From my perspective, they probably increasingly like each other the more they fight, those absolute freaks.

17. Space, enchanted forest, magical kingdom, or underwater city?

Enchanted forest! Let me be an ent!! Let me shepherd the trees!!!

27. What fascinates you about humanity?

A passion for knowledge (of any kind!). People can spend decades studying a single topic, people can spend hours upon hours writing nonstop about a character. That love is so mysterious and beautiful to me.

30. What is your favourite way to create?

I love brainstorming writing ideas by listening to music. If someone opened my brain during my near-daily music session they'd find cumulative hours of animatic-style storyboarded narratives mapped onto songs. I know other people do this too, which makes me SO happy.

[jimin-my-sunshine]

Hi! How is it possible to know that Jimin/JK are your twin flames without meeting them irl or knowing them personally? Because it sounds like twin flames are very deep connections and my brain can’t comprehend how that works. I don’t know if my question makes a lot of sense because I am pretty clueless about this stuff and am trying to educate myself to understand better. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question!

Well, thinking about it logically, is where you're going wrong- because none of this makes any sense whatsoever lol

Not when you look at it from a logical perspective.

You need to try and have an open mind and trust what you are feeling, when you feel it.

This is something I didn't really struggle with- despite the hardcore conditioning I got from the religion I grew up in.

(Have you read my other 'ask' that I responded to? Not too sure who you are, sorry- but here's the link just in case.)

I'm surprised looking back, because it seems like I trusted my intuition from the very beginning somehow.

Like I mention in the 'ask' in that link- I always knew from the time I was about six years old- that I would meet someone just like me and we would always be together no matter that.

They would be my best friend and we would always love each other and be there for each other (unconditionally of course, because a child isn't going to be thinking about romance lol).

I never really understood why I felt such a thing, but it was very real to me and it was just a really strong intuitive message.

Twin flames are incredibly deep and the connections can affect you mentally, physically, emotionally and yes, spiritually.

Please don't confuse spirituality with religion though, because both are very different- everyone is entitled to their own beliefs though.

Being open to the things that spirituality can offer you personally in your own way- helps to heighten your intuition and make it stronger.

Intuition is something everyone is born with, regardless of gender- but not everyone is open to listening to it.

If you can't wrap your head around spirituality for whatever reason, you can also just choose to listen to what your heart is telling you.

These are all very interwoven and connected together as one.

Your heart will never lead you down a path that is not for you and it will help you to find out who you truly are.

It may seem like such a cliche thing to say, but I'm not speaking as someone who has no experience with the words I speak- which is something a lot of people tend to do. I don't speak on anything, unless I can back it up with personal experiences of my own and since I have been listening to my own intuition/heart for the past several years now- it has helped me in many aspects of my life.

I wouldn't have this blog right now if I had chosen not to listen to it, because everything I have went through that I talk about in that 'ask' up above there- has eventually led me here. Since I chose to no longer hide in the shadows, despite how terrifying I know that kpoppers can be.

I used to be a very weak minded, closed minded and very naive person and I hardly recognize myself a lot of times, because I am very different than the person I used to be. I was afraid of literally everything and would never take chances or risks, but I have come a long way.

Thanks to the growth that I opened my mind to and that's the only way to do things when it comes to life. Even if things scare you, do them anyhow- because that one thing that scares you, could be the one thing that changes your entire life :)

It took me a few months to properly come to grips with Jungkook being my twin as you know, if you've read my 'ask' up above there and it's not only due to the conditioned beliefs from the religion.

It was also because I never 'heard' him when I was little. I figured that since I never 'heard' him like I did Jimin, that there had to be some kind of mistake.

As soon as I saw Jimin, I felt something shift inside of me and honestly I knew there was something up from the very beginning, because I wasn't into boys who were real. I was heavily into anime at the time and very obsessed with Asia- since I had been introduced to the community thanks to my grandma knowing several Asian women. I was learning everything I possibly could about the continent and all of it fascinated me.

I was learning Japanese and Mandarin, but I couldn't quite pick up Korean ~

I loved anime so much, because it was a part of Asia and I just liked to get away from my own life- because things were terrible for me in high school and even though I had been past it by 2016- everything from my past kept resurfacing and I was heavy in denial.

I kept running around in circles and that's when things started to get pretty dark for me. I was starting to get sxxcidal and I had tried many different things regretfully so. I had also recently lost a couple of close friends to it myself, so I could understand things from both perspectives. Someone who has suffered from the thoughts of harming oneself, and also the perspective of losing someone to it.

I didn't think this 'make believe' person was even real and I started questioning my entire life and basically how shitty it had been. Maybe I had imagined the whole thing and it was just something I wanted to believe. It wouldn't have surprised me, since when you go through trauma, you do things in order to cope with it.

No later then a month after all of these things take place- I started to hear about BTS again.

I'm not going to lie- I couldn't stand them, but it was their popularity I couldn't stand. The fact that other people seemed to forget the existence of other really amazing groups and they were choosing to make everything about BTS instead.

I wanted to see what the big deal about them was, so I looked up 'Save me' and 'I need u'.

I saw the music videos and Jimin stood out to me automatically, which was strange to me- because like I've said- I have never been interested in real guys. This is due to my trauma that I went through as a child.

Something about him seemed remarkably familiar, but it's one of those things where you feel like you know someone and yet you don't know how or why. If that makes sense?

I thought I was going crazy, because there's no way I could know this person, since never even met and I'm fairly certain I would have remembered any kind of contact with them.

It kept bugging me and I started to watch more BTS content, just so I could catch a glimpse of him- to try and figure it out.

It was all I could think about- and I know how that might sound, but it really bothered me how for the first time in my life, an actual real- living and breathing human stood out to me.

It wasn't that I didn't have friends, or people to be around- I just wasn't interested in mingling, due to my trauma as a child that never really got properly treated. I was very secluded, but I enjoyed my solitude and I preferred it.

It was like, "How dare this person show up out of literally nowhere and disturb my peace I've had for so long?" I was so mad and upset- but also fascinated, because I was actually interested in another person. I was beginning to feel emotions I never thought I would again, because the trauma left me feeling disconnected and I would lose myself to dissociation quite frequently.

I was numb after the way I had been treated back then as a child and it never went away as I grew up.

This person not only shows up out of nowhere, throwing me into a frenzy over my peace that has been disturbed- but he's ALSO bringing up emotions that have been suppressed for years.

I dealt with that for the better part of two years, even after finding out the proper term for what I had been going through since I was a child (twin flames).

I never had any of this with Jungkook and I guess that's what made me rethink the whole thing where I could have had a second twin.

It took me a long time to be able to come to terms with Jungkook as my other twin, but I don't know why I never thought of this to begin with. It shows how I was getting all caught up in my mind and the logical aspects.

Once I began watching videos of him, it all made sense to me, because I could see the similarities between him and I. Our appetites, the things we eat, the things we talk about, how we represent them- even something so simple as the clothes we wear and what kind of clothes we choose.

If I would have done something so simple- as just giving myself the freedom of actually LEARNING about him- through watching candid videos (Run BTS at the time), I could have saved myself so much denial and regret.

That's the thing with logic though, you get so caught up in your mind, that common sense will miss you if you're not careful.

Watching their show- it's only confirmed several more things for me and it's really incredible- looking at them and seeing how much of me exists in each of them.

It used to scare the hell out of me, and I even used to think I was losing my mind. That I wanted to lock myself up in a hospital ward or something and get diagnosed with some illness I don't even have.

It's not for the faint of heart, as you can probably tell at this point and it's very heightened. Your emotions are all over the place in the beginning and you really do feel like you're losing your mind, because it makes you question everything.

Everything that has been shoved into your mind as a young child and the things that everyone spoke to you about that have made you into the person you are now.

It will shake your world up and then spit it out, only to repeat the entire process over and over again, until you have the growth that you need to become that better version of yourself.

It's a terrifying journey, but definitely very prosperous and fulfilling once you get past all of the hell it puts you through.

Most nights I would lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep, because it felt very lonely, since I couldn't tell anyone about what was going on and I only sounded 'unstable' to those who I tried to confide in.

The spiritual community for twin flames was very undependable, because they disregarded me completely when I told them I thought I may have two other halves and they outright told me I was wrong.

When in reality, they were the ones that were wrong.

Trying to speak on my journey, like they had ever walked even a day in my shoes.

The arrogance is what surprised me the most, because these people claimed to be so 'spiritual', but that's not real spirituality. Real spirituality is where people accept it- when someone has different beliefs than they do. It's allowed, because everyone is right in their beliefs.

No one is wrong, because we are all on different journey's and no one has any right to try and tell you otherwise.

I've known people with one twin, four twins and even came across someone so advanced that they told me they know of seven other halves. That was the silver lining I needed to tell me that I needed to go my own way and I did- despite how alone and scary it was- I wanted to just lay down and die from it even- but the little voice in my mind would always speak up and tell me that if I gave up, I would never meet that 'other me'.

It was very painful in every possible way and I even felt a lot of physical pain from it- growing pains if you will, but considering the life I had lived before, pain didn't bother me and it was merely a part of who I was.

When I first saw Jimin though, it felt like I was coming home some how. Like I had found what I had been looking for all this time. That's how I knew who he was, because not only did my eyes recognize him, but so did my heart and I burst into tears when I first came to realize what that meant.

He was the one that I had been waiting on this entire time and I was so incredibly overcome with emotion, that it was something I just KNEW. I couldn't explain it in words, but I felt it- fuck...did I ever feel it. It was like lightening shot through my entire body and it left me feeling weak. So much so, that I slept for at least a good 24 hours afterwards...

It was really strong and definitely something you would need to experience in order to understand.

I still remember everything so clearly, like it only just happened yesterday and I used to regret some parts of my journey, but they were all necessary to bring me right here in this moment of time.

Jimin has always been my beacon of light and eventually so did Jungkook, but in a different kind of way ~

I have had several years of going through growth with Jimin, but I'm still going through it with Jungkook and there's more resistance with him- which only makes the journey more frustrating, but I'm still learning and honestly I hope I never stop learning and growing with them :)

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Could you, instead of Bodyguard Sokkla AU, write Azula being famous, as she should, and Sokka being a huge overly smitten fanboy who gets to meet her irl by accident through Zuko? Zuko would obviously hide that he's related to someone famous to not attract attention on himself cause he can be somewhat socially awkward sometimes but what happens when his sister calls him one day while he's playing video games with his friends and without thinking too much he answers the phone and puts her on speaker so that his hand will be free to hold the controller and Sokka recognizes her voice?

This prompt has been sitting in my askbox for ages. Idk if you’re even still here xD but here it is. A quick little thing while I work on fandom events.

Katara thinks that it is embarrassing that he has so many posters of the girl. That one of them is even autographed. That he has a closet full of concert T-shirts and fanmade ones alike. That he has every single CD that Azula has ever appeared on. 

She doesn’t quite understand idol culture and frankly he finds himself rather embarrassed by it too. 

He would never let Jet or Zuko see all of this. Toph has already given him a hard time for being, as she so delicately put it, a total fanboy dweeb. But he certainly isn’t the worst out there. He can pridefully say that he doesn’t own a body pillow.

But he talks about her all the time. He’d like to meet her more than anything. He wonders if she is just as pretty in person. Prettier perhaps? She has such a nice smile and her voice is…

It’s divine. He has never heard anything like it; gentle and powerful all at once. 

It is a volcanic eruption and a quiet sunset breeze all at once. 

Sokka sighs, he almost puts one of the CD’s in the radio but he ultimately decides that doing so might ruin tonight’s livestream; pop music doesn’t exactly scream ‘epic fantasy-action background music’. Unless of course he and his gaming group are bold enough. He can’t imagine that they would be so brave. Not when Toph takes this whole livestreaming thing so seriously. 

Sokka puts on his headset and joins Zuko in the server. “Hey, Sokka.” The boy greets.

“How’s it going, buddy?”

Zuko exhales deeply. “I’m expecting a phone call tonight so we decided to postpone the livestream. Also, Toph can’t make it tonight, she’s got a headcold or something. So it’ll just be you, Jet, and I tonight.” 

“I think that we could use a stress free night of just gaming for the sake of gaming.” Just like in the old days, before they decided to start gaming for some extra cash. Not that Toph needs any. 

“What game are we playing tonight, boys?” Jet’s face appears on the screen. 

“Well Toph wanted to play ‘Night of Claw and Fire’. But I thought that we could play that one with the race cars that we used to love.” Zuko replies.

“Are we going to play the one with the shitty graphics? Or the new one.”

“Shitty graphics.” Sokka and Zuko say at once. Nothing like some classic, old school, boxy graphics. It has been so long since he has had a chance to glitch his character into oblivion. 

.oOo.

He knows that the game is all in good fun but Sokka can’t help but be at least a little frustrated at his losing streak. He hasn’t even been able to beat any of the NPC racers. They have been lapping him for the better part of the night while Zuko and Jet cackle. 

He wishes that Toph were here. 

Toph usually protects him from getting tag teamed. 

He puffs out another sigh and tightens his grip on his controller. He stares at its sleek, metallic navy blue finish. “Come on” he mumbles to the thing, “just give me one win.” 

He revs his virtual engine. 

3…

2…

1…

Zuko’s phone rings and the game pauses just as Sokka’s character blasts off. “Oh come on, bro!” Sokka shouts. 

Zuko rolls his eyes and unpauses the game. Sokka’s race car slams directly into the barricade and Jet cackles as Zuko hits the speaker button. “Hello?” 

“Hello, Zuzu.” 

Jet too slams his virtual car into the barricade and snorts. “Zuzu?” 

Zuko’s face flushes. “I shouldn’t have put you on speaker.”

“You have me on speaker?”

“I’m in the middle of gaming!” He declares. “I’m in first place by the way.” 

“There’s a first time for everything.” The girl chuckles. 

And that is when Sokka’s heart skips. He knows that laugh. He has always found it to be so charming. “Zuko…” he swallows. “Is that…?”

“My sister? Yeah.” Zuko fills in.

“Azula is your sister!? And you didn’t tell me?”

“My sister isn’t…”

“Yes I am.” Azula cuts in. “I’m exactly who you think I am.”

And Zuko is blushing again. Sokka can’t begin to fathom why. Not until he grumbles a, “I’ve been trying to be lowkey about this. I don’t want attention.” 

“I do.” Azula declares. 

“Why do you do this to me? And what are you actually calling for?”

“Well, mother said to tell you that she found some of your old baby pictures. Like the one where you…” 

“Azula!” He shouts, his face now a vivid scarlet.”

“The one where you decided to use your underwear as a hat.”

“Dude, you used your underpants as a hat?” Jet chuckles. 

“No! She’s just trying to make me sound like a dweeb.”

“It’s working.” Jet cackles. 

To Zuko’s credit he is still in first place. “Alright, Azula, we’ll talk later tonight.” His finger hovers over the end call button.

“No!” She and Sokka say at once. 

“I want to talk to your sister!” Sokka requests. “You know how much I love her…music!” Oh, he’s such an idiot–just bursting out declarations of love. “I love her music.” He repeats. 

“It’s alright, you can confess your love.” Azula drawls. “Most people do.”

Zuko groans. “She likes attention. Stop giving her attention.” 

But it is much too late for that. He has already plunged right into a very stuttering, “c-can we hang o-out sometime. I mean if you want to. I wouldn’t force you to do that because I’m…I’m not one of those weirdos but I thought that it could be nice maybe…”

“I suppose that we can.” Azula pauses. He can hear in her voice that her face has lit up. “Oh! I can show you Zuzu’s baby photos! There’s this one where he’s trying to eat his own foot.”

“Alright that’s it! Conversation over!” Zuko strikes ‘end call’. 

And with the strike of a button his hopes and dreams deflate. But hours later, with the sounds of video game victory music echoing in his ears, he gets a text. It better not be Zuko because he is ready to give the boy an earful…over text.

He looks at the screen. ‘Tomorrow. 5:00. Jasmine Dragon.’ The phone dings again and a picture of a very chubby baby Zuko stares up at him, peeking out from under a pair of underwear.

Sokka grins. ‘How did you get my number?’ He texts back.

‘That’s for me to know and you to wonder about.’ She adds a little wink. 

‘Okay, tomorrow at 5.’ He clutches his phone to his chest. He is actually going to meet his idol in person. He just hopes that she will like him as much as he likes her. Maybe he should take some of the posters down so that he doesn’t seem creepy…

He takes a deep breath. They’re just meeting at the Jasmine Dragon. And, realistically, Zuko will probably be tagging along. He will cross that bridge when he comes to it. Until then he will relish in that he is actually going to meet his idol face to face!

[inkbagel]

Hey man I don’t mean to be an ass but as an aroace person I find it really weird how you can’t accept that things such as kissing can’t be platonic? It very much can. Have you never seen a parent kiss their kids injured knee so it can heal faster? Regardless it’s still not cool and disrespectful for you to insist someone else’s art HAS to be something because you personally like it. And artist can make whatever they want, regardless on your opinions about it’s not cool to disrespect that. If someone made a post and asked me not to post a photo of spiders under it, I would be an ass for posting spiders under it. It’s not any different here. You’re not entitled to someone art like that. If you don’t agree with them just block and move on.

For the last time anon since I’ve answered this multiple times, my issue is not with kissing. IT IS WITH MAKING OUT SLOPPY STYLE. WITH TONGUE. ON THE MOUTH. NOBODY DOES THAT PLATONICALLY.

I used to identify as aroace! I still identify as greyromantic ace, so yeah I’m aroace too!! Even if I wasn’t, I know very well what platonic affection is, and making out really is not platonic.

I’m not trying to police your relationships. I’m not saying this is problematic. I’m saying. MAKING OUT PLATONICALLY IS KINDA WEIRD. NOT PROBLEMATIC. JUST WEIRD.

ITS EVEN WEIRDER TO MAKE TWO CHARACTERS WHO ARE LITERALLY A CANON SHIP MAKE OUT AND THEN POLICE OTHER PEOPLE AND TELL THEM ITS NOT CANON.

I asked a few friends who I actually trust to be sane (and some are aroace since you’re weaponizing your identity) what they think about platonically kissing on the lips and these are their responses.

I asked some irls too, but I don’t have screenshots bc it’s real life. They all think this is a silly arguement in the first place and I agree with them.

Llorumi is not my favorite ship. I’ve been very clear about this since day one. Tbh my personal headcanons are that they dated for a bit and both ended up realizing they weren’t really attracted to each other. I think Lloyd is aroace and harumi is a lesbian (although I hc Lloyd as genderfluid so that one is less important) HOWEVER the people who viscerally hate them and tell other people it’s a problematic ship and draw them making out before saying it’s not romantic are weird.

I also do block ppl bc believe it or not this is a personal art blog. Go ahead and look at my page and you’ll find zero reblogs where ppl said don’t tag as a ship and I tagged a ship. I’m fully aware I’m allowed to disagree with people which is why I’m complaining HERE instead of sending THEM hate in THEIR reblogs and asks. Not you tho. Thx for the anon hate ask. ❤️

Also anon, it’s really weird of you to tell me to block ppl and move on after sending me an anonymous hate message. You’re being a hypocrite. “Not to be an ass” my ass.

[deathbydarkelves]

re: periods and elves, since trolls have mating cycles (according to that one female troll joke, so dunno how canon it really is lol), maybe elves do too?

Maybe I'm paranoid, but as I was writing I realized this could break containment in a very unfortunate way so I’m just saying here at the start:

THIS POST IS ABOUT DEATHBYPIXELZ’S WORLD OF WARCRAFT AU. IT IS MEANT TO BE A NEUTRAL DISCUSSION OF BIOLOGY IN FANTASY. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

Anyway…

The /flirt line, for those who were unaware/don’t remember:

I actually ended up having a whole conversation with some friends of mine about this topic, and did more research into menstruation and estrus in general (despite being AFAB I just never really cared to learn more). As a result I’ve landed on what I find to be a satisfactory hc answer, which is that elves menstruate every three months or so. Three is a somewhat arbitrary number, but my reasoning is as follows:

Elves have the same amount of control over their environment as irl humans, so resources are always plentiful, so there is no ecological pressure to have a yearly cycle (i.e. one which encourages birth during spring). They can afford a more frequent one.

However, being so long-lived, there is also no pressure to be, ah… capable quite as OFTEN as humans. Humans are only fertile a couple days a month, and elves in every setting I’m aware of are famously terrible at making more elves, so them only being fertile for a quarter of the time humans are creates an easy reason why.

It’s a good middle ground between “frequent enough to be relatable” and “just way too frequent for someone who's immortal”.

Three is a nice, easy-to-remember number.

In regards to the troll /flirt… My friends (who are heavily involved in the troll side of the fandom) informed me that line has long been used as justification for kinky at best, racist at worst fan works 💀 I’m not accusing anon of anything, just saying this thing has history I was previously unaware of.

And, yeah, I don’t really treat the /flirts as canon. Like, at all. There’s just too many that break the fourth wall or are otherwise non-diegetic that I can’t in good faith give much weight to any of them. To me, that line is a symptom of the very overt racism trolls have sadly been treated with since their inception.

(Note: I’m not damning fan works that use that line as inspiration on principle. I understand that’s a kink many people have, and I say do whatever works for you, as long as you, y’know, are aware of the racism that’s kinda just baked into this specific case. Kink responsibly lol)

Also worth stating that estrus/“heat” is just a term for “advertised fertility”, at least as far as I can tell. So, like, female moths releasing pheromones to attract males, or changes in behavior. But, I dunno, to me that seems like a really fuzzy term. Even humans sometimes have increased libido during that time, or changes in vaginal discharge. Does that count as “advertisement”? It’s a slight behavioral/physical change! And it's not like humans are somehow separate from all other animals; we're just animals too. So even if I treated that /flirt line as canon, the terminology used could just mean… "horny". And that’s how I’ll choose to interpret it, because sapient/humanlike races having expressly non-humanlike biological things like "a 'heat' so extreme it's equivalent to an altered state of mind" is just… an ick of mine, if I’m being honest. It certainly can be done well, like Jay Eaton’s Avian aliens, but it just doesn’t feel right for any of the races in WoW. In my opinion.

(Note 2: While I am a zoology student, I am in no way versed in these things like a farmer or dog breeder would be, so take my “what does ‘heat’ even mean” argument with a grain of salt. My point is humans also have hormone cycles which can affect libido and bodily secretions.)

Lastly, menopause: maybe this is just something that's really variable for them. I write elves as aging similarly to humans until their bodies are in a similar state to a thirty- or forty-year old human (at least on the surface), at which point aging dramatically slows. Menopause of course occurs in an average human's forties or fifties, so elves would stop physically aging for the most part right before that. Maybe some stop menstruating right at that point, maybe some go into their hundreds or thousands before that happens, maybe some bleed every three months for their whole lives. Or maybe the cycles get longer and longer and eventually stop /shrug. For an immortal race, a concrete age or age range for it just feels... wrong to me? So something fucked and unpredictable is my compromise. That also throws in another possible obstacle to making more elves, which fits thematically.

But as a TL;DR, I’ve settled on a three month cycle for them. Considering irl menstruating primates are on a 28-45 day range, I’d assume trolls are as well, and perhaps the first elves too. But as time went on and evolution occurred, helped and/or hindered by the Well of Eternity, that lengthened to three months (give or take), with the actual fertile period remaining the same. Keeps it frequent enough to feel relatable, but still feels appropriate for a group of races that lives so long and, in my AU, even sleeps every 36-48 hours instead of every 12(-ish). Menopause happens if and when it wants lol.