#someone like you who only sees people on the surface just to get some self-esteem on being the better one is too dangerous for this worls

[ludwigoat909]

The worst part in all of this is that. Despite how much I hate her. Her ideology. Her arrogance. The way she saw things. The way she profots off of people's misery just to make her feel better about herself

A part of me was gonna vote her forgiven. Because, not only was she clearly getting a guilty again, I also pitied her. I pitied her for only trusting herself. I pitied her for hating herself. It fucking sucks that bastards that deserved nothing get to do whatever they want and not you. It feels good when you do the right thing.

When all you can see is rage and anger, life fucking sucks. You get cold and bitter that people dont get on your level.

...I saw myself in Kotoko for a moment...

Or at least I expected it to be the case

But as it turns put all she has is her pride and ego...

So yeah

Get bent queen.

[girlboypersonthingy]

Hey! I saw you were starting to write for Blitzø so I’d love to request something! Could you do Blitzø x fem or gn reader in which reader comforts him after he has a very bad day and reassures him about his insecurities? That man needs to let himself cry in front of someone and also needs a hug! I love him sm I need more works where we can comfort him!! 🫶🏻

SORRY NOT SORRY I SKIPPED OVER LIKE 6 OTHER REQUESTS BC I NEED TO WRITE THIS ANGSTY BLITZ REQUEST IMMEDIATELY ITS TOO GOOD IM SO- 😳🥺 I just wanna hold him…enjoy, anon~

Notes: imp!reader, gn!reader, not an established relationship but mutual crushing and pining, reader works at IMP, angst to fluffy comfort

Blitzø x reader- Bad Day 💔

Blitz had the shittiest shit day ever and was ready to fall asleep and stay asleep forever. Between feeling excluded and lonely after seeing Millie and Moxxie’s displays of affection during dinner at Ozzie’s, then Fizz and Verosika giving him shit in front of the entire restaurant and Stolas being disgustingly clingy as always, Blitz felt himself breaking down, deteriorating from the inside out. It really stuck with him when he heard a restaurant patron shout, “YOU’RE SLEEPIN’ WITH AN IMP?” when referring to him and Stolas. What an embarrassment for both of them. He already has a very low self-esteem and that comment just solidified all his intrusive thoughts- no matter who he’s with, how successful he becomes, how much money he has, he’ll always be just an imp.

Blitzø stumbled through the front door of his apartment, rapidly proceeding to Loona’s room with a small smile. His precious girl always cheers him up, even when she’s in a bad mood…which is always. At the exact moment he sees the note on her door saying that she is out at a party, his smile drops to a disappointed frown. With the upper half of his body hunched over, his arms dangling limply by his sides, he trudges over to the couch and collapses on it with a huff.

This feeling was way too overwhelming- he felt suffocated by his clothes, pushed around and beaten by his own mind. He felt defeated and had no idea how to get himself out of this state of mind. He pulls out his phone to scroll through some pictures, maintaining his lonely frown the whole time. Blitz rolls his eyes at an old pic of him and Verosika. Then, he finds himself looking at a photo of his mom, sister and him, so happy, so close. After only seconds of looking into the picture, all his feelings unexpectedly erupt from him. The tears forced their way to the surface, gushing down his red and white cheeks. His chest felt like it was gonna cave in any second now, his lungs forgetting how to breath calmly.

“Fuck…” He chokes out while tossing his phone aside and sprawling out over the couch. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. He couldn’t stop the tears from welling up and overflowing, he couldn’t slow his breaths, he couldn’t even open his eyes they felt so swollen already. He had never felt so alone before. Laying on his stomach with his wet, snotty face in the pillows, he completely lets loose. A guttural, miserable, shaky moan leaves him as he weeps, his fists clenching around nothing in particular.

Just as he sucks in a quivering gasp of air, the sound of the front door opening caused him to hold his breath and stay completely still. “Blitz?” Fuck…of all people to walk in on him during his pathetic mental breakdown, why you? He’s literally praying that you’ll just go away but he knows you won’t, you’ll keep looking until you find him. He knows this, but he stays hidden and silent on the couch until you finally walk around and see him.

“Blitz? Whats wrong? What happened?” Stepping over to him quickly then kneeling on your knees beside him, he seems to retreat even further away. Blitz scoots into the couch more, turning his head away from you as he exhales then inhales and then holds it again. “Are you okay?” Obviously, he’s not okay but he nods his head anyways. “You can talk to me, Blitz.” Finally, he lets out all the air he was holding in. “I don’t wanna fucking talk right now.” He manages to mutter out between hiccups and sniffles. “Oh…okay.” Your voice a soft whisper now, Blitz again finds his hands balled up into tight fists, his fingers digging deeply into his palms. Dammit…he did mean to snap at you.

But instead of abandoning him, you shimmy your way onto the couch next to him, one arm coming to wrap around his torso as you lay your head against his back. You can hear everything with your ear to his back- his shaky breathing, his soft whimpers he’s trying so hard to hold back. “We don’t have to talk. We can just…lay here. I’m with you, okay?” You pull him closer, his back up against your stomach as you give him a gentle squeeze.

He tried so fucking hard to conceal it, to play it off in front of you, he really did but he lost it again, crumbling apart right in your arms. After hearing the sweet words of reassurance you offered him and the way your hand was now rubbing slowly across his heaving chest and the way you didn’t leave him…he can’t help but let it all out. Blitz softly shakes against you, making your heart ache for him. You’ve seen him in so many different moods and different situations, in so many silly costumes and you’ve heard some pretty vile things leave his mouth but you’ve never seen him like this. He was an absolute mess.

Slowly and carefully, you scoot closer, fitting your knees perfectly in the back of his. With a slight hum and one hand still rubbing his chest, you close your eyes as you rest against his back still. “Is there anything I can do for you?” Softly, you speak as Blitz exhales deeply once again. “Anything you need, just say the word.” Your hand stops the rubbing of his chest as you take a moment to squeeze him again.

“Don’t leave me…” With a crack in his voice, Blitz finally responds before curling in on himself even more. “I’m not going anywhere, promise.” As you nuzzle your cheek against his back. Your reply calms him, allowing his body to finally soften into your embrace. Together, you lay like this for a while, finding comfort in the sound of each other’s breathing.

Eventually, Blitz weakly turns himself around to reveal his somewhat improved mood. His eyes are puffy and glossy but the tears had stopped. His frown is a nasty one, one of the worst you’ve ever seen him wear but his eyes show a hint of something more positive as well- a look of hope? admiration? appreciation? Now facing you and looking at your face right there in front of him, hope, admiration and appreciation all swelled within him. He felt so lucky to have you, as an employee, as a friend… and maybe you two would be more one day. Maybe more…today? Right now?

“Do you think I’m… just a stupid imp? That I’ll always be seen as just an imp?” He can’t bring himself to look at you now, eyes scanning the ceiling instead. “Do you think I’m just a stupid imp? Is that all you see me as?” You immediately reply, watching as he starts to over analyze the situation. “No, no, of course not. You’re…fucking awesome.” His eyes land on your face for a second before they shift back to the ceiling. “So are you, boss.” Blitz scoffs lightly at your words, giving you a disapproving glare. “No! Really! I mean it, Blitz.” A soft sigh comes from him and he’s having a hard time believing your words.

“It’s gonna be okay.” You say with a light hearted tone and a small smile. Gently, teasingly you reach up to his face and use your thumbs to pull the corners of his mouth up into a smile. “Awww! There he is, there’s my guy!” As you pull your hands away, a smile finds your face as you notice his smile doesn’t fall, he’s smiling for real now. It’s not a big smile, honestly it’s barely a smile at all but it’s something. It’s better than the horrible frown he had on earlier.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” You ask cautiously, not wanting to upset him anymore. “I’m sure.” His reply is immediate and short, making you stay quiet after. Instead of using your voice, you go back to comforting him physically. With one hand on his cheek again, cupping his face this time, Blitz leans forward to rest his forehead against yours. Simultaneously, you both close your eyes and let out a deep breath.

As you let your thumb trace back and forth over the skin of his cheek, Blitz opens his eyes again and takes this chance to just stare down at you, at your eyelashes, at your skin and any little scars or blemishes that decorate it, at your lips as they part momentarily to suck in a breath. Without thinking it over, he kisses you. It’s quick, not necessarily soft because he came in kind of fast but it wasn’t hard or sloppy or anything like that. It was sort of a test of the waters for Blitz. He wanted much more than a measly peck from you but he didn’t want go all in on you and scare you off or weird you out.

To his surprise, before he can get a good look at your reaction, you’re chasing his face as he pulls away. As you lean forward, a shocked ‘mmm’ rumbles from Blitzø’s throat when your lips meet his again. This time, the kiss lasts longer. It remains sweet and simple, there’s no tongue, no spit or even much movement from your mouths at all. After locking lips for a few seconds, you part to finally look at each other. Your smiles mock each other’s, both growing bigger and bigger.

This isn’t at all how either of you imagined your first kiss together. Blitz had something more rough and dirty in mind but he’s beyond grateful that you still respect him after seeing him in such a lowly position. You’re not sure what comes over him as he stares at your lips but he confidently yanks you back into him, kissing you again.

With his mouth still covering most of your own, he mumbles, “Earlier, you said anything I need and now I need you.” The kiss is deepened by Blitz carefully moving his lips against yours, both your heads tilting to find the perfect position. His hands roam up and down your back at an extremely slow pace as his mouth follows along, moving in tandem with yours.

“Yes, sir.”

And the rest of the evening is spent gently coddling and lovingly appreciating each other at such a close range. The kissing lasts so long, that eventually you’re both just lazily pecking each other on the lips over and over and over again with closed eyes and relaxed limbs. It’s nice, it’s simple yet romantic and Blitz has never felt more safe or comfortable in his entire existence.

“And if you tell anyone about this, I’ll kill you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“You’re right, I won’t. But please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

[sethcertified]

「 SLASHERS REACTIONS TO THEIR FANDOMS ! 」 . . . 📂

slashers : various

wrd count : 1.2k

⊹˚.⋆ synopsis . . . how slashers would react to their fandoms

⊹˚.⋆ starring . . . patrick bateman, bo sinclair, vincent sinclair, billy loomis, stu macher, brahms heelshire, & billy lenz

⤷ patrick bateman

okay this is going to be fun

his (already huge) ego gets boosted sm by the like "sigma" edits and shit of him

not to be cliche but the “I bet paul allen doesn't ___” sort of comments make him feel so high and mighty

and seeing how many people find him hot? god he would become even more insufferable

BUT HERES THE FUN PART

he delves more into the patrick bateman edits and stuff and that's when he finds the satirical shipping, cutesy edits, etc

he sees himself and the word "babygirl" put together and has a full blown meltdown

god it’d be so funny cause it's literally 50/50 in the fandom so he couldn't separate one from another if he even tried

AND THE SHIPS

oh, he would just be gagging at the louis x himself ships

idk I feel like he would go "take this down now 🤬”

he's so edgy 12 year old boy yk

AND THE EDITS

patrick practically passing out when he seems himself edits with anime blush and cat ears

his masculinity was already bruised by the ships and now this?

he 100% posts some of the edits about him on his socials

he also sends the links to these vids to people he dislikes to prove his "fame"

the fame goes to his head but he gets humbled when he sees everyone calling him "my pathetic malewife bbg 💕”

⤷ vincent sinclair

I just love vincent sm and so does his fandom

I have not once met someone who hates vincent

he is so insecure and humble and just deserves to see everyone complimenting him and his wax figures

he loves his fandom to say the least

and they absolutely adore him

definitely gets confused by some of the compliments he gets

example a: "If he doesn't want me to slut him out, why waist so slutty?"

^^ yes I did find that on here

is in disbelief ppl can find him attractive let alone say things sexual about him

he has rlly rlly low self esteem okay

if he ever tried to interact with his fandom online I have two different directions in my head

IS AWFUL ON THE PHONE

typos and everything

but it's so sweet

"THank yu 🙂"

he has big fingers and struggles to type ^^ or if he gets adjusted it's perfect grammar "I appreciate you for this. Thank you so much."

hes just a big ol boy getting the praise he deserves

⤷ bo sinclair

this one is a bit tricky

he isn't too phased by the compliments unlike his brother

he knows he hot

so "daddy" "so hot" compliments r not new to him

BUT I think stuff like | want to see him whimper" will make him feel VERY FLUSTERED

like awkward coughing and hiding his face flustered

but he doesn't get a bigger boost in his ego

I feel like it doesn't go to his head cause he is already pretty confident in his looks yk

but seeing people appreciate him for his personality?

like talking about how charming and husband material he is

it definitely gives him more hope that he's worth more than his looks & that he means something

this one is short but he wouldn't interact with the fandom

or he’ll barely scrap the surface so he doesn’t see the weird stuff…

like he seems so Facebook dad to me

basically he is tolerates his fandoms cs he’s only seen the tip of the iceberg

⤷ billy loomis

ANOTHER TRICKY ONE

billy is so tricky for me tho

honestly it goes to his head

seeing ppl in awe about him ^^

he's a slasher fan too so he is more active in other fandoms if that makes sense

but he does like to delve into theories and discussions about ghostface and the scream franchise with members of his fandom

rlly enjoys knowing he is considered one of the "well known" slashers

honestly he feels threatened by danny johnson from DBD because when u search ghostface a lot of content surrounding him pops up a long with stu and billy

billy wants everyone to know he’s the ghostface

he loves the fame basically

I do get the feeling he hates the image ghostface has tho

like the "thirst traps"

he's just the type of guy who calls people "posers" and "fake fans"

so that rily irritates him

if you know a lot about slashers/ghost face he's chill

he likes his fandom but there's definitely outliers with the people who know ghostface but not who's behind the mask

he wants the notoriety

⤷ stu macher

LOVES HIS FANDOM

he loves being worshipped by his fandom

all compliments, all fanart, all of it he loves

teases Billy sometimes about the posts

sends scream memes to his friends

feels guilty tho when he sees posts about his and Tatum's relationship

like that's the only downside for him

he responds to fans, tells "insider" stuff, etc

Stu is very active in his fandom

he thrives off of it essentially

definitely set up a cameo or something at one point and says his iconic lines from the movie

+ try's to get fan service out of Billy

hes like an obnoxious youtuber

REPOSTS EVERYTHING

edits? yes

fanart? yes

fanfic..?

yes.

he's not rlly sad either that billy gets more attention than him cs if you love stu you LOVE stu

calls his fandom "machiacs"

cause macher + maniac

but he does think he's more famous than he actually is

like if someone doesn't recognize him he'll go "I'm THE stu macher"

fanservice king!!!

⤷ billy lenz

no shame at all

he will repost smut/hentai of him

loves his fandom cause they're as equally as horny as he is

but I think he does see that he is desirable in more ways when he finds like fluff imagines

loves his fanart the most

he would try and redraw the fanarts but they turn out horribly

he 100% try's to interact with his fandom

key word is try

he doesn't type but does the voice to text thing

so all his replies and post end up

JEJSNSBSHSISJJSNS *insert heavy breathing* HSHDNDJSJSK

his poor phone can't keep up :(

he doesn't understand the fandom but he loves them

"billy boy my beloved ❤️”

^^ those are his favorite types of fandom interactions

⤷ brahms heelshire

refuses to have internet

straight up refuses

but I feel like he's the only one who would dislike his fandom

and i mean actively dislike

if he saw how many people call him "stinky wall boy"

let's just say he would have a fit

only thing he would like is people saying he's better than other male characters

but literally that's it

hates everyone and everything about his fandom

he thinks of them as lowly or without class

its just best if he never finds out about his fandom

✎ notes . . . yes, this is a repost. tumblr deleted my old acc >:( ◯　　🖖🏻　　⭒　　⧆

©️ sethcertified 2023

[jrwi-most-nd]

Round 2 Poll:

Pictures and propaganda are under the cut!

William Wisp (Prime Defenders)

(Submitted for Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Cotard's Syndrome, AVPD, PTSD, OCD, Schizophrenia, Delusional Disorder, OSDD-1b/Plurality, and BPD)

Look at him and tell me he doesn’t have massive anxiety ~ Anxiety

I mean his whole thing is that he is literally dead and alive at the same time. One of the first things introduced about him is how quickly he can make himself go invisible/seem like he doesn’t exist. The autism is just because he’s silly :3 ~ Autism and Cotard’s Syndrome

Just like. Look into his eyes and you'll know. But also don't he's autistic how dare you ~ Autism and Anxiety

- Deep-rooted low self esteem. He’s always felt weird and different, sees himself as inherently wrong, a fuck up and a disappointment. He struggles to even see himself as a person, especially when he was dead. He puts his friends on a pedestal (especially Dakota) and sees himself as someone way beneath them.  - Relatively okay with maintaining some surface level relationships but struggles with expressing his deeper feelings or talking about his past. Always vague and incredibly apologetic, quick to brush past it whenever it comes up.  - Very self-conscious and ashamed of his powers, especially early on. He asks people to look away when he goes into spirit form, and only does it in extreme circumstances. Only comfortable when he’s in the purple morph suit, where he feels like he can be seen as a different person. - When Dakota gives him his heart he immediately feels like he has to dedicate his whole life to making it up to him (literally gets a new complication bc of that). Feels undeserving of kindness or help from others.   - Quick to give up when he isn’t absolutely certain of an outcome. Extreme reluctance to take risks, (avoiding using his powers because he doesn’t trust himself to control them, running and hiding during fights) ~ AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder)

Well its been a while since i spedrun pd but what ive picked up is; They wear alot of layers which could be a texture thing or an unbalance to coldness and warmness and that bitch is definitely queer which is more common for autistic/adhd folks since they tend to be less reliant on social norms and thus more open about their sexuality and gender! Another think is in both the designs his hair only goes does to his neck i have autism and my hair HAS to be a specific length or like texture issues and shit and i know in the one shot between season 1 and 2 his hair is different but i refuse to believe that >:( anyway thats all i picked up i probably can think of alot more but these were a few off the top of my head! (i cant find much for the delusional disorder since its only small details but let me hc jeeze >:() ~ Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and Delusional Disorder

theres one specific monologue that makes me claw at the fences but i cant find it right now. Just know its true because i know everything and i said so ~ OSDD-1b

Rolan Deep (Blood in the Bayou)

(Submitted for PTSD, OCD, Tic disorder and generally neurodivergent)

I’ve only listened to the first episode of BITB but GOODNESS the neurodivergentness this man radiates is ASTOUNDING. he totally has flashbacks to the bodies in the bayou incident or whatever and the fact it got so bad he moved TO THE OTHER END OF THE COUNTRY says a lot. also I love him.  ~ Neurodivergent

[ina-nis]

It's not farfetched at all to think that there's a real push to medicalization of "undesirable" emotions, ultra-individualism and that every single thing can be addressed through "self-love", "therapy" and "working on oneself".

The individual is not "diseased" per se, but the cluster of individuals around them, society could be considered "diseased".

And everything stays very much surface-level - working as intended, since desperation leads to radicalization more easily. Nothing is satisfactory, nothing lasts, everything moves too fast, you can always find something to blame this on, or someone, thus missing the point by a large margin...

Oh, so you're lonely?

So is everyone! You're not special and loneliness is not that much of a big deal, unless when it is, but that only happens when you let yourself fall that deep, right?

How dare you complain when you're not really doing much to change your predicament? Ah, so you're doing things? Therapy is not working? Why? It should work, no? Isn't that because of your self-esteem? Of course, the more you love yourself, the less lonely you'll feel, right? What about going outside and touching grass? You do that already, by yourself? Well, there you go, you should be hanging out with friends! You don't have local friends? Everyone is too busy to be with you? Well, that's usually how it goes, right? You should be working too, by the way :) Have you thought about picking up volunteering in one of the local community centers? It doesn't help either? Aren't you making it way more complicated than it should be? Of course doing these things should work, you're meeting more people, therefore you'll feel less lonely! So it's about quality and not quantity? Well, then try harder at getting quality relationships, it's simple! You're tired of trying and having to filter through dozens and dozens of people all the time? Then you probably like being lonely, right? Since you're not putting on the work to change it.

You are the one at fault, always. You are the one that has to go through lengths to "fix" yourself so you can control your emotions and be able to live normally as a normal person would. You can just ignore all the factors that lead you here, you can just ignore all the societal pressures and neglect, too.

Your loneliness is a product of your own personal failures and have almost nothing to do with society at large, it has nothing to do with politics, financial and health struggles either.

You just need to try harder to overcome this loneliness.

And if you can't it's because you, as an individual, have failed in some way.

How can you not address loneliness when it's just so simple and easy! The world is full of people, you just need to get out there and meet them, and talk to them, and do it a lot.

What do you mean you are only one part of the argument? You can do all the work yourself after all! That's what you're in treatment for, right? You can do it on your own, you don't need to bother with external influence that much - after all, don't you have a lot of friends anyway?

You can definitely overcome loneliness on your own! It is possible! There's all these books and specialists who say so, too. That it's only a matter of time, a lot of self-love and fixing your emotions so you can be around other normal people!

If you still feel alone after all this, it is your own fault, isn't it? Aren't you surrounded by people? Why are you complaining about "quality" again? Don't you get tired of being so damn picky? You should be grateful you have people in your life at all, and shove your bad feelings where no one can see them, so you don't bring the whole mood down! Everyone deal with stress and problems and mental health too, yours is nothing special and it's just going to make other people's lives harder, put a lid on it.

Be thankful for what you have in your life! Oh, so you are thankful? Then what is the goddamn problem? Those things you are thankful about don't make you feel less lonely? Well, then do things that would make you feel less lonely, how hard can that even be? Just be around people, don't be picky, be thankful they accept you, don't mind quality that much!

You're just too focused on this loneliness you claim to feel, aren't you? That you lose sight of everything else going on in your life, huh? What do you mean everything else feels like distractions? You can just stop thinking about how lonely you are, everyone does that! Never mind the pain, it's there to make you stronger, so you should be thankful of that too!

You shouldn't let loneliness dictate your life like this! You can do it, you just have to try harder and meet new people, more people, do it more often. Ah, so the problem now is you don't have energy, huh? Well, go to your doctor, it could be some vitamin deficiency! Sleep problems? There's pills for that, it's not a good excuse, is it? Sleep problems because you're lonely? How lame! Everyone has sleep problems, everyone is lonely, and they all can make it, what's the problem with you?!

Why are you making this so difficult? Why can't you just follow the treatment and get better already, or at least stop complaining so much? It is on you, it's always been on you!

There's no one to save you, no one is a safe space, no one is a source of support, no one can give you unconditional love, you can't require companionship and reciprocity from others - what are you thinking?! You can't burden people with your own feelings! - you can't call this a "need". People need water and food to survive, shelter too. Loneliness is not going to kill you, even more when it seems like you're just not satisfied with whoever is in your life already. Those poor people have no idea they're dealing with someone so vile, who can't just settle down, huh?

You have to do everything yourself, don't burden others.

Your loneliness is your fault, because you're ungrateful. If only you could see what's right in front of you - even if that's not right or good for you, again, you're just being too picky! Take what you can, be thankful of anything at all.

You have no right to complain.

You need to work harder.

[colorbby]

✧ who is your future s/o? first meeting & impressions ✧

………………………………..

✧ PILE 1 ✧

hello pile 1!! hope you’re doing good!! enjoy your reading and feel free to leave some feedback!💌

personality: for your pile im getting BIG BIG go getter energy. this is someone who is very young spirited at heart and fully believes in themselves and their capabilities. they might come off as immature to an untrained eye but they are the definition of ‘golden retriever energy’ with a lot of hidden depth. these people might be constantly on the go as they’re possibly, trying to escape their own thoughts. im getting a mixture of the signs: aries/ gemini. extremely well looked upon within their respective community but at the same time, not necessarily truly known by people. they are confident as f*ck!! so i said aries and gemini earlier but really im sensing a sagittarius. these people have big philosophies and probably only indulge in a “real”/ not so surface level conversation, if they feel like you are on their level intellectually. i know that sounds really cocky but i perceive this person as someone who wants to be able to learn from the people they interact with. they are very passionate people, even in their speech.. so they perceive engaging in such conversations as some form of intimacy. meaning, not granted to just anybody. okay low key, they might have some scorpio placements as well. in general, they’re really self aware and know what sides of themselves to show and which ones to (rightfully so) keep to themselves. they may however be the type of person that is constantly plagued with negative thoughts or very prone to overthinking. matching the assessment of the sign sagittarius (ruled by jupiter) these individuals are constantly looking to grow and be better than they were the day before. they may have also struggled with lower self esteem in the past or in their adolescent years.

first meeting: so.... i feel like this is SO cliché but they might purposefully ignore you/ their attention might be on literally anything else before you randomly catch their attention. i don’t necessarily feel like this has to be a work environment but i feel like when you two first “meet” you will be watching them work on something. and it’s something they’ll be doing with their hands. im also kinda seeing a scenario where someone is helping someone out. so this may be like some volunteer work or you might go to a flea market or something similar and they’re there helping different people set stuff up.. something like that. but they will definitely notice you by the end. i also don’t sense that any words will be spoken between you two, just glances and maybe smiles. so sadly, it won’t be a proper meeting where names etc. get exchanged.  

their first impression of you/ thoughts about you: this is hilarious tbh... i see that you come off almost the same way to them? very disinterested and like you don’t wanna be there LMAO and perhaps you don’t, like fair enough. you might have strong earth specifically capricorn placements/ 10H (=10th house) placements. it’s giving very much, im here for business only no pleasure lmaoo. yeah so that sums it up pretty much, they think you look intimidating or rather, they might just be intimidated. 

possible physical features/vibes: soo i am already sensing that this person may have more of that feminine energy to them. they might be like a libra or pisces rising as well. that droopy/sad eye look, might be something that stands out about them. they could be of average height/ not too much taller than you. they have massive arms though.. so this person might frequent the gym or literally only works out their arms lmao. guaranteed: RBF.. idk just getting pretty face vibes tbh... like you’ll love the way their face looks. 

………………………………..

✧ PILE 2 ✧

hello pile 2!! this was a really fun reading to do so enjoy, feel free to leave me some feedback as well!! 💌 tw// brief mentions of depression

personality: okay so right away.. this person definitely just came out of a huge funk. like im seeing someone was depressed, borderline didn’t wanna be here.. and they somehow kinda made it through and now they’re like so excited? almost like they got a second chance at life. i literally feel like jumping up and down and whilst shuffling, even though im a singer, i couldn’t stop humming and making random noises!! (also they might love music more than the average person.. could feel like their fav artist/music actually saved them.) this person could also be extremely spiritual or as a result of what happened they may have become such. so they definitely practice things like mindfulness etc. so im getting that they’re more on the introverted side.. im hearing the sign cancer, and just generally more of a.. ‘i only hang out with my closest ppl vibes.’ like you know those people whom you only ever see outside WITH their group of friends?? they’re like that. super loyal too. they are extremely hard working people i see. the type of people whom are very humble and don’t go brag about their wins (although they could and def should sometimes.) like they’ll transform their lives, silently working on their stuff for months or even years and by the time people notice they’re like: “yeah.. i did that :)” just very unbothered about things like status and fame etc. they just want the best for the people around them and obviously for themselves. im also getting that they may not look it, but have extremely high standards lol. because they know if the shoe was on the other foot, they would match the other person’s criteria. they’re so cool, idk i like them. also they’re veeery just. hate any type of injustice and will literally start  heavy debates over anything they deem as mistreatment. i could definitely also see this person being a part of the lgbtqia+ community! 

first meeting: so idk whats up with these supposed first meetings... but similarly to pile 1, this is another meeting where there aren’t any proper greetings exchanged. something about it will feel rushed and like a movie. like im seriously sensing something out of a modern rom com or something. like someone getting on a train and kinda “falling for a stranger” and when that person gets off, the other person will rush to get off but won’t make it in time? something like that. and i hate giving out these type of descriptions because... knowing most people who read tarot will start romanticising minor interactions with randoms on the train LMAO (im most ppl).. but i guess it’s prone to happen to one of you, if im channeling it. so whomever you are, im happy for you!! there will definitely be a second meeting that will follow, and this interaction will kinda be the gateway for the proper introduction. “hey didn’t i see you on train 7 on it’s way to *fill in blank* a couple weeks ago? “oh my god.. wait that was you!!” something like that. honestly ugh… im jealous LMAO.

⚠️ this goes without saying, but still, be careful with anyone who approaches you in public and use your discernment/listen to your intuition!⚠️

their first impression/ thoughts about you: the cards speak for themselves lolllll... the lovers card, 9 of pentacles, 10 of pentacles, the devil, strength, 4 of swords and bottom of the deck, the empress... from these cards im getting, perhaps this person was the one who *in the above mentioned scenario* took the initiative but was initially unsure about it. it’s giving their intuition told them to approach you and so even whilst hesitant, they did. they think that you’re beautiful not just physically but just the way you carry yourself, your aura.. all of it speaks to them. i literally see someone just getting lost in someone else, whilst looking at them. low key stalker vibes so beware!! just kidding, but they might have like a pisces venus or something, as it’s giving: love at first sight. but that’s honestly all, i don’t think they have any further or deeper concerns other than: “how do i get to this person??...” and “they’re beautiful”

possible physical features/vibes: okay so don’t shoot the messenger, but either their looks are just average or maybe you’re not supposed to know/seek information on what they look like.. because all i got was that they’re extremely tall and perhaps skinny.. or skinnier than what you’re used to (?) i feel like with this person looks don’t matter idk. take as it resonates friends (:

………………………………..

✧ PILE 3 ✧

hi ppl who chose pile 3!! this was one of my favorite readings to do, so i hope you enjoy it! leave me some feeback if you like!! 💌

personality: for pile 3... okay so not to steal your person or whatever but they’re fine as f*ck. like right away, they have that type of personality or chat/banter, that could make anyone fold. im sensing big scorpio energy possibly matched with some libra. so they can talk the talk. i know this isn’t necessarily their personality but something about them is super sensual and deep... might be a taurus somewhere as well. they’re just fine asf DAMN!!! okay.. i think they really enjoy socializing but... make it “mature” you know?? lol so instead of going clubbing (nothing wrong with clubbing) they prefer to sit in a bar and socialize with people there.. for my Jujutsu Kaisen fans, imagine the character Nanami at a bar. it’s exactly that type of vibe LMAO. they could also enjoy traveling a lot however, they are definitely a homebody. they’re the type to happily cook for themselves or if they see a dish somewhere that looks good to them, they won’t ask what it’s called but rather secretly try to look it up and try to imitate it. they might be someone who enjoy’s having little frivolous secrets.. (big scorpio/ taurus vibes like i said lol)  im definitely sensing bachelor vibes, they might have a typical bachelor pad if they’re a man... super clean home, fine aesthetics etc. they are also definitely sought after by others and people easily see their worth (as fcked up as that sounds) they appear to be someone of quality. i know that wasn’t so much on their personality and more-so their vibe, but the cards and my intuition wouldn’t tell me anything else. “if you’re lucky you’ll find out soon enough” chileeee... i want them! but happy for you! <3

first meeting: okaaay finally something exciting!! no shade to the other piles lol. so im seeing that this meeting will happen at a party!! now if you’re someone who doesn’t go to parties or doesn’t get invited, whatever the case.. this will be a party that you’ll have to attend. could be a work party or something as well... but i am seeing people being really relaxed and enjoying their time so... maybe not lol. so im also getting that you will look extremely beautiful to them.. im hearing “just how i like it” LOL... so you might have put on some kind of perfume or your best shoes etc. but you will look better than you do on your average days. this person will definitely make the first move. im seeing them seeing you from across the room or wherever this is located, and figuring out how exactly to approach you. shocker, they will shower you in really well timed, well mannered compliments. like im literally getting someone being so calculated, in a good way, and knowing exactly when to say something and how to say it. they’re sooo smooth my god! and more importantly, i see you being very comfortable in their presence! like you might initially think “why are they approaching me?” once you see them making their way over.. but once you’re actually around them you’ll feel comfortable to be yourself. which we love to see! they might be exactly what you asked for at some point or vice versa.. i see someone being like.. “what.. no way that worked” talking about some kind of manifestation... they might confess that they’re actually interested in you, or you two might exchange numbers etc. i just see this first meeting ending “successfully”. 

their first impression/ thoughts about you: so in that moment you might honestly look like you’re fighting for your life lol. not literally, but your body language or facial expressions might come off as though you don’t want to be there or aren’t really enjoying the company you’re in, at that moment. so im seeing two scenarios.. you might stick around with that group of people and look uncomfortable until your future s/o approaches you and kinda guides you away from them, or you might leave that group of people, seek your own company and look really good doing it. but initially they might think you don’t want to be there as you might look kinda sad too. i also feel as though this person thinks you fit their perfect ideal, physically? which kinda matches the “just how i like it” part of the reading earlier.. you might also kinda resemble their ex or something.. seems to me that this person knows what they like.

possible physical features/vibes: instantly im getting the word “provider”... so whatever you envision when you hear that word, could possibly help you identify this individual, as to each their own. they like to put effort into their outfits and looks. likes to accessorize. yet they prefer to keep their outfits practical?? so no maximalism fashion trends or anything like that. could also be the case that they’ve never dyed their hair etc. something about them seems simple. “simple but effective” im hearing. i think they like form fitted clothes and they enjoy showing off parts of their body. they’re just sexy y’all idk what to say. oh and they could also be wearing glasses, especially when you first meet them!

✰ let me know if any of this resonates with some feedback through my submission box! ✰

✰ j ✰

[giac222]

It wouldn’t surprise me for folks to object to the idea that Ashley loves Andrew because, Why would she treat him so badly if that were true? And wouldn’t she want to treat him as best she can since her treatment ought to give Andrew a reason to ditch her?

Well, her concept of boundaries seems aberrant, and going by her cratered self esteem, it seems to feed into the primary feeling she experiences about herself- that she’s unlovable and bad, and bad people get on others’ nerves, so why not do that? That self-loathing sucks, but it’s so familiar to and ensconcing of her that it’s her default mode of being. It also occurred to me while reading your long post that maybe the way she treats him is her attempt to punish him for giving her the impression that he’d ever abandon her.

And while formulating my phrasing for this comment, I also thought that it could have something to do with her hating people’s conviction of being better than she is and suspecting that such conceits are just lies told to the self to avoid thinking of how truly vile one could/would be. Andrew’s scapegoating her as an example of that conceit, perhaps?

You also reminded me of an AO3 Coffin fanfiction someone linked on Tumblr that focused on moments in the Graves’ lives where Andrew was being a creep who actively enabled Ashley’s dependence.

Thank you for your ask! ❤️

I agree with you! If people look at the way Ashley loves Andrew through a surface level lens then yes, it absolutely would make sense to object to the idea. Ashley is a complex person, it’s not like she necessarily wants to treat him poorly, but her crippling insecurities, the fact that she sees herself as unlovable (which means she feels Andrew can’t actually love her on his own 😥) and “bad”, mixed with her unchecked mental health issues cause her to act the way she does at times. I mean she’s open about the type of person she is, she doesn’t care about “keeping up appearances”. She attempts to manipulate Andrew because that’s the only way she feels he’ll stay with her. Her manipulation isn’t very good though 😂.

However, there are other details in the game that show just how much she loves him. I mean she literally referred to him as her pride and joy, and “the best thing in the world”.

There’s also this:

The way she’s looking at him says it all 🤭🩷.

Ashley isn’t irredeemable, she can improve and grow! But like you said, Ashley has struggled with incredibly low self-esteem since she was a child. So she’s dealt with this from childhood all the way up into adulthood, it’s embedded in her at this point. As I mentioned in my post, she has wounds that run very deep, she’s never had the chance to heal from them either. It’s just kind of the “norm” for her at this point 😔.

Still, she’s only 20, not all hope is lost. Andrew wants better for her and their relationship, he knows how she is, he knows what she’s been through, and has seen her at her worst. That’s why before they escape their apartment building he mentions Leyley staying there and dying with Andy, “so me and you can leave”. She doesn’t really understand that though, because to her “Leyley” and “Ashley” are the same person. That’s why her feelings get hurt when Andrew says that he hates Leyley. It’s different with Andrew because to him “Andy” and “Andrew” are completely different people. That’s why he gets so angry when she continues to call him Andy.

About her trying to punish him for giving her the impression that he’d abandon her, that’s an interesting thought! I don’t think she’d do that on purpose though 🤔. She’s more concerned about keeping him by her side than anything else.

Oh I’m sure, I’d hate that too. Especially if people are openly being an asshole about thinking they’re better than you. I’m sure Ashley has dealt with something like that at some point. That’s a really good thought, and yeah Andrew’s scapegoating is a good example of that. I mean during their fight in apartment 302 he says “you make me do it for you!”, then she responds with “I don’t make you do shit Andrew”, and she’s right. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s the thing, Ashley and Andrew both have their issues, but they do truly care for each other.

Ooo I don’t really read fan-fiction anymore, but I may have to see if I can find that one and read it! :). It sounds interesting!

[shytastemakerthing]

hi!! may i request a matchup for ensemble stars and twisted wonderland? ^_^

i’m a pretty chill and lowkey individual. i’m usually very tolerant of other people and hardly anything angers me as i’m very patient and tolerant of other people even if they bother me. i have an unhealthy habit of ignoring and burying my negative emotions before they surface, and i also struggle to identify my true personality as it is locked behind the many masks i’ve put up due to my constant people pleasing. i secretly wish to be able to freely express myself and my opinions since i often hold myself back and am agreeable with other people even if i internally disagree. i have also been known to be a very smart and talented person who easily picks things up however i do not apply myself due to my lack of passion and low self esteem, so i usually frustrate people for wasting my potential. my hobbies are cosplaying, which i’m not too open about, and i also enjoy anything related to science and STEM and researching topics or theories i find interesting. i usually express my interest in someone by engaging in playful banter and i enjoy being teased even if i am very quick to fluster. i do not like people who are judgmental and rigid or emotionally volatile as i feel very pressured around them and am less likely to be comfortable acting like myself. i believe that’s all i have to say, thank you so much! :]

A/N: Thank you very much for your request! This honestly took off more than I thought that it would! This one will be the TWST matchup and then the Ensemble stars will be on a separate post. It may take some time to get to that one as I want to go through the other requests in my inbox first so they aren't waiting so long😊.

Honorable mentions for your TWST matchup include, Idia, Leona, and Trey!

I match you with......

Cater Diamond

• Okay, you guys vibe on an all new wavelength that you leave everyone else around your baffled and stunned, it's insane. Especially when it comes to the personality that you bith share. Keeping everything inside, hot letting people see and know the real you, and keeping things bottled in. Honestly, you two hit it right off the bat.

• It honestly didn't take Cater very long to figure out that you were like him in your own way, and with that, he felt understood when he was with you, almost as if he didn't have to keep on the mask of a carefree and happy student who could care less about anything when we, as an audience (as we have seen in some of his story), that it's quite the opposite.

• Not that it didn't mean to guys had smooth sailing the entire time. It took work and effort to build this relationship up, letting walls come down, in private, and getting to know and trust one another. But, once you both have gotten to that point within the relationship, it's rather a beautiful sight to anyone who sees the two of you #couplesgoals.

• Speaking of relationship, it was a rather funny story, you hith quite literally asked each other at the same time. The whole wanting to talk to each other in private, then talking over one another and urging the other to continue before it just came out. It made for good laughs and two very happy people.

• You're a cosplayer, no matter how much you are open about it, and you have a raging social media crazed boyfriend who can and will hype you up over every little thing. He would love to be able to see you dressed up and do a photo shoot of you to post something onto his Magicam. But, he will totally keep all of these pics private in a folder for only the of you to see if that is what you prefer. He will NEVER post any photo of you on his account unless if he has your exact, in words, permission to do so (consent is sexy, everyone!)

• If he DOES get permission to post any pictures of you or the both of you just doing whatever, because I totally see him as having a whole bunch of couples photos and goals moments littering his feed, you guys are a sensation. Pretty much everyone loves the both of you and the happiness that you bring one another! You guys have become the new media sensation of pure couples goals.

• Cater can be a pretty playful guy, especially where you are involved. He only wants to see tour happiness, real and true happiness, so he will never do or say anything at your expense. If there is any form of playful teasing, he is careful about it and backs off the moment that he sees it may be starting to get to you. And this involves protecting you from the teasing of others, no matter what anyone else says. The moment he sees you closing off and walls going up, he is there to remove you from thr situation as soon as possible.

• Even with a crazy day, he enjoys the calm and quiet moment that he gets to spend with you at the end of the day. He would take you to his dorm, both of you in your most comfortable clothes and he has the spice Ramen and anything else you'd like to eat ready. He loves being able to hold onto you, brush through your hair, he even uses his unique magic to create his clones to help. He's never been this happy before in his life.

• Overall, you're the reason he smiles now. No longer having to plaster one on and go about his day hiding. Because he doesn't have to hide when it comes to you. And every moment he gets to see you and ti spend time with you is a reminder that he really can be happy, and he will do anything to help ensure that same happiness for you.

[emeraldhazeart]

For character opinion bingo, how about Papyrus, Alphys, and/or Mettaton? 👀

Thank you for the ask 🤗

Papyrus:

Who doesn't love Papyrus?

I think it would be amazing to have a friend like him. His constant support and positivity would absolutely help anyone to learn to love themselves, too.

I do think he tends to get babyied by some parts of the fandom, tho. I love seeing deeper dives into his character that explore his more troubled side.

Alphys:

Is it any surprise that I relate to the Shy introvert with self esteem issues?

Again, I think Alphys has a lot more going on beneath the surface than she first seems, although Undertale does a good job of exploring that in the Pacifist route.

She's probably one of the most developed characters in canon, although I still think there's potential to explore more with her.

Mettaton:

Unpopular opinion: I am so, so sorry, but

I don't like him.

I have a problem with diva characters, whether they're male, female or other. I just can't get passed the selfishness and utter arrogance. It's just an immediate turn off for me.

I know Undertale actually strongly suggests that Mettaton's on screen persona is a bit of an act, because he drops it right before he fights the player, when the cameras can't see him. But all I've ever seen in the fandom is his diva side.

If he was someone who only acted up for the cameras, but behind the scenes was actually really thoughtful and sweet, I wouldn't have a problem with him. But because 99% of content for him is his self obsessed, egotistical persona, I just find him insufferable.

I know Papyrus is also full of himself, but he never puts others down to make himself look better. I can't ever imagine Paps stepping on others to get to the top. Whilst Mettaton, on the other hand, is horrible to his employees, ghosted (ha!) the people who cared about him in his old life, and is a terrible, self centred tyrant in the ending where he becomes the ruler of the Underground.

I accept that he's a fun character, but his whole shtick got old for me super fast, so it felt like his section of the game absolutely dragged! I would have much rather seen more of Muffet, or even Napstablook, and less of him.

So yeah, sorry, I don't like him. No hate to anyone who does, though. In fact, I'd love to hear from anyone who does why you like him. I know he gets a lot of love. I am open to having my mind changed about Mettaton!

Huh, guess I had more to say about him than I thought...

[bsaffairs]

Pain from Affair

It’s really fucked up. Im being forced now on this intense, painful ride that I didn’t ask for.

I met my husband in 2006, and we were married a year later. In my eyes my husband was this perfect man. He was so much better than me, and I never thought I deserved him. He was this wonderful father and step-father, he loved me so much, he was always there for me, and everyone would say how lucky I was to have him. Come to think of it I don’t think anyone has ever said he was lucky to have me, just that I was lucky to have him, and I was. Imagine at the end of a race where 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners are put on these pedestals in front of a crowd, there he was on that high 1st place pedestal. I am not meaning to sound as if I am putting myself down, I know I am a good person with a good heart, but I struggled on and off with addiction, and depression, and it not only affected him, and our kids, but also our marriage. He never had addiction issues or mental health issues; his only struggle is that he married me. I fought hard to be better, I sought help, and finally by 2016 I no longer had drug or alcohol relapses, my depression was under control, I was happy and loving life for the first time ever. He was the first person in my life to stand by me, and not toss me out like garbage.

It's been three years since I have seen that man mentioned above. I literally grieve the loss of him as if he were dead. In a sense he is. I know I am not supposed to use absolute words such as never and always, but never again will I see that man on the pedestal. Maybe it was unfair that I thought so highly of him, almost like setting us up for failure. When I am forced to loo back at him then and look at him now, I can see that he was never this perfect husband or this perfect father, far from it. He was a decent man, a hard-working man, and still is, but just like I had my demons, so did he. You know the saying, “Everything in the dark will eventually come to light?” Oh, how true that is. He worked so hard at fooling everyone, and acting like this great husband and father, in reality he wasn’t.  His demons varied from mine; porn, lying, needing an unhealthy amount of attention, and “atta boys” to feed his ego.

I will only be skimming the surface on my life and his affairs, more as to show you references and examples. I am an open book, so if you would like me to elaborate, or have any questions, please just message me, and I will gladly share more in detail. I just want this guide to be about you, for you, and helping you heal, so by year three you will be enjoying your life.

I am not going to give a shit ton of attention to the AP (affair person) in this ordeal. She doesn’t deserve it. I will say this though, Men who cheat generally “cheat down.” They want the attention with no chance of rejection, they want someone to say just how great and amazing they are, and so they cheat with a person who has low self-esteem, easily manipulated, gullible, usually low social status, and to most unattractive.

(For my situation quickly: my husband and I are both good looking people, we are successful, upper middle-class folks. We have nice cars, own our home, lots of land, own businesses,’ four wheelers, golf carts, we take extravagant vacations, etc)

The AP is far beneath our social status and financial status. She is jobless and has been for some time, she is not attractive, she doesn’t keep up with her appearance. She is completely unstable, homeless as of today’s date, she has been institutionalized in mental facilities, she even slept with his brother and his cousin, her teen daughter, she lives in complete clutter, filth, as she doesn’t clean, she has several repos and evictions, has 4 kids with 3 different fathers, and didn’t keep custody of all her children, and she is even a convicted felon! I could go on, but I think you get it. (I was going to include a photo but decided against it. I have no problem showing the photos though. Whatever vision you have in your head right now I promise the reality of it is so much worse, so if you want to see the photos message me and I’ll send them.) I know he is the one who should be damn ashamed and embarrassed, but I am. My husband wanted to be with someone like that? Yeah, I get it she showed him attention, but hell a DOG would have also.

            My husband even sank as low to involving his own son, my step-son, in his affair. Talk about dad of the year, and teaching your child morals, right? I’ve been his step-mom since he was 9 years old, now 23 years old. I will always feel as if I am just a stupid joke between them, and I have to remind myself that it is them who are the joke.  Naturally my step-son and I relationship has changed; I was put in my place that I’m just “the step-mom”.

I can only blame him so much, he had parents, who only confused him his whole life. He had a mother that used him as a chess piece to gain whatever it was that she was seeking, a father who played into those games, and too afraid to take a stance, so he never had anyone to instill him with family goals, integrity, decency, and morals.

            Could this get anymore FUCKED up?  Well, yes it can, but the rest I will leave between private conversations. I will end up writing a 500 page plus book if I were to put everything.  If you are shaking your head and wondering why I stayed, I can’t blame you. I question my decision to stay often, I still think of leaving often, then I remind myself that I love this man, and I do know he loves me. Let me explain: He didn’t intend to hurt me. He didn’t set out to cause me pain.  It isn’t as if he purposely wanted to gun me down. He was thinking only of himself, he was as selfish as one can be. His selfish decisions hurt every single member of our family, including our kids

            When he finally got a glimpse of the wreckage and destruction he caused, the pain and hurt in his wife, the hurt and disappointment his children now felt, and even his friends now saw him differently, he broke down, and started to change himself. He finally saw, and maybe for the first time, what he was fixing to lose, and what love really is. Love is not the butterfly feeling. Love isn’t a feeling at all. Love is a verb. Love is staying when you feel as if you hate that person, but you know deep down you don’t want to live without them. Love is fighting every day to never give up on each other, and to pick each other when one is down. Love is enjoying life and each other, but it also staying and not giving up when at times it seems like the only option.

[confluence-and-drift]

  I was reminded of an incident last year when someone online was being very friendly to me, and like, I don’t usually mind, but they insisted on voice calls all of the time and even though I’m me and all, I started realising that they might have been a bit, er, *too* impressed by me.  I guess I probably come across as rather cool and interesting before you get to know me and honestly, it was kind of flatttering and good for my self esteem.

  It would have been better for my self esteem if I didn’t find them kind of annoying.  Not because of the voice calls thing, which was irriratating but not  entirely unwelcome.  Na, it was because I had quickly realised they were the kind of person who was only capable of surface-level reads of media.  If something featured Evil People, it was Problematic.     And that’s a flaw of mine, I find it difficult to get to more than a certain level fo friendship if I don’t respect their media analysis abilities which sounds bad, but I’m not asking much.  I’m talking being able to identify basic themes and not going on a performative rant when Problematic Themes or Topics appear, without even the most cursory examination of what said themes actually mean...   So anyway, I was being annoyed by this person once more when they, for a change, asked what I was up to and a solution to my problem clicked into place.   You see, I was doing prep work for my Deathwatch RP.  (for those who don’t know, this is wh40K, where the players are Space Marine special forces essentially, set in a fascist totilitarian theocracy).  In my games I do like to lean into the moral grey area of it all.  Case in point; that mission at that moment I was doing some prep for the party being falsley accused of destroying a world of 8 million people via orbital bombardment. What had actually happened was they had come to the world finding it in the last stages of destruction by Khrone Berzerkers and had to fall back.  They were being accused of this crime by an Inquisitor of the Ordo Hereticus, a Monodominant.  Now those who know their 40k lore can probably see where this is going.   So in answer to Annoying Guy’s question, instead of slotting in place the appropriate non-answer expected of me, I cast aside the masks and answered honestly, going into the mindset and philosophies of the fascist theocrats making said accusations, letting my autism do the work for me, essentially.  It was a cynical ploy, and a bit cruel, but it worked flawlessly.  After asking me to repeat points in stark disbelief a few times, he never spoke to me again and had apparantly blocked me, shit-for-brains probably thinks I’m closet fash.    It....wasn’t the ideal course of action, I know.  Not that I regret it or anything.  I have plenty of regrets in life, this isn’t one of them.  Instead, the incident kind of sits there in the back of my mind like a block, reminding me of how even in the off chance people do find me interesting, something like 7/10 times I won’t be able to reciprocrate and....well, that means , looking at the future, my existance is looking quite lonely.    *sigh*   I mean, there was a time when I’d just go out with whoever was into me, and dupe my own brain into making do and loving them in a way.  Hell, I got quite good it, arguably that was all my last (and longest ever =/) serious relationship was.  But I’ve learned since then to be true to myself, because ultimately relationships are about being able to be your truest self around someone and the fact that my last one only began to break down after I moved in with her should have been a clue, ie, it was only when I wasn’t able to put on a ‘mask’ so to speak, that she started losing interest.  And that in itself is a worrying detail, because it was her, not me that ended it ultimately.  I would have been content to stay in painful limbo forever, convinced that someone like me isn’t worthy of more and even if I were, I’d never meet anyone else likely to find me interesting...   I know it was a mindset created by low self-esteem and more-or-less lifelong depression, but being able to identify your own flaws and patterns is an important part of life.  And with all of that knowledge, who knows, maybe happiness without solitude is a viable possibility?    Who knows?  I think in the coming year I’m going to make more of an effort to socialise in person with folks.  I should reserach where student-y types go to drink etc, see if there’s a place full of artists or creatives. THAT is my fantasy, I guess, to gain a new social circle full of people I can do away with most of the masks with, and to just (more or less) be myself around, without having to constantly censor myself like with the Paisley bunch, where, no offence to them, they’re nice folk, but they’re dumb as bricks and most dropped out of high school the second they could and retained nothing...and.....well, I have very little in common with such folk.    I guess I’m just musing more than anything else.  This time of year always leaves me introspective and cynical I guess.    *sigh*   For now though, I guess, I’m just going to try and watch some more anime, maybe read more mahoyo to take my mind off things.  Also have to finish Hein-kyo on FGO too and new Arknights content tomorrow.  Who knows, I might be able to get grown-up Hibiscus if the RNG favours me? xD.\

  Anyways, if yous read down to here, cheers, and I hope you’re having a decent time with lots of love + laughter and cheer and all of that, ^^.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Hello! 😊

Just saw your posts about attempting to like John Robins and thought I'd say hello as someone who is quite a fan of him and Elis.

I know exactly what you mean about the way that John can sometimes seem. For me (way back when) he suffered for not being Jon Richardson, which was unfair of me. But for whatever reason I ended up listening to the Elis and John podcasts and what becomes quite clear is that John as a person is someone who is (and I think this is a phrase he's used about himself, my apologies if not) "troubled". He's someone who thinks and feels things very deeply, and has clearly dealt with a significant amount of depression and self-esteem issues in his time. But instead of doing what a lot of people do when talking about mental health (e.g. saying how much better it all gets), he's understanding of the fact that sometimes it doesn't feel like it gets much better and you can carry on having rough patches. I think sometimes he can appear a little jagged because of this, but underneath that he's a very compassionate, kind, thoughtful guy. I think one of the main things about him is that he doesn't tend to hide how he's really feeling just to make himself seem more approachable or whatever, which I really like because that level of honesty feels refreshing. He's flawed (just like we all are) but he's doing his best and tbh I think that's what I most relate to with him. He's a good egg.

I know this isn't exactly about him as a comedian, but figured I'd add to the discussion. Hope you enjoyed the Darkness of Robins! If not, oh well, at least you gave it a go with an open mind 😊

Hello, thanks for that message! Weirdly, I got two different people commenting on that post saying they'd felt the same way about John Robins, so it's interesting to know it's not just me. Something about John Robins on the surface, when only seen from occasional panel show appearances and other bits, apparently does annoy people. Which seems unfair.

I actually posted an update to my original post after I watched The Darkness of Robins, the summary being: wow, that really exceeded expectations. I mainly watched it to see if I could like John Robins, and came away not just liking the guy but having a new addition to my list of favourite stand-up specials.

"For me (way back when) he suffered for not being Jon Richardson, which was unfair of me." I find that comment interesting, because I think I partly felt the same way. I first got into this stuff through panel shows, so for a while I only vaguely knew him as the guy with ties to people who are more famous on the panel show circuit - person from the Bristol house who's not Jon or Russell, ex of Sara Pascoe who was a dick about that on Mock the Week once. I quite like Mark Olver, so being a person from there that isn't John or Russell is not enough on its own for a person to annoy me. But Mark Olver's persona is very different from the other two, while I think John Robins' has just enough overlap with Jon Richardson's to grate a little. Like in small, surface-level doses on a panel show or a radio show story, he sort of comes across as Richardson-esque, to which my brain objects on the ground that "You're not the real Jon Richardson." Obviously absolutely none of this is a fair or accurate assessment, I'm just trying to explain why some people who watch panel shows but don't know the guy well might have an instinctive objection to him.

To be honest, having seen his stand-up, I now really know how unfair it is to think of him as knockoff Jon Richardson. Because, I hesitate to say this, but The Darkness of Robins was better than any Jon Richardson stand-up I've seen (which consists of his three DVD shows and a lot of YouTube clips). I love Jon Richardson, he's amazingly good at the things he does well (panel shows and radio, mainly) and just generally one of my favourite famous people in the world, but I found his stand-up not that far above average, and The Darkness of Robins was a lot better than that.

Everything you describe is exactly what I like in a comedian, particularly a comedian in a format like radio shows (of course it is, as most of that description can apply to 00s/early 2010-era Jon Richardson too, and I've spent a harrowing number of hours listening to him on the radio). I don't know Ellis James all that well either but I always like him when he turns up on a panel show or something (his connections to other famous comedians work the opposite way to John Robins’, if John’s connections made me dislike him, because in Ellis’ case I just assume that anyone Isy Suttie likes has to be pretty cool). So I might actually have to check out some of their radio stuff, once I'm not so in the middle of listening to other things. The drawback, of course, is that my brain is a ruthless completist and insists on having the full context for everything, so I very rarely will watch/listen to some but not all episodes of anything. And I can't listen to all episodes of their XFM and Radio 5 shows, because I'm pretty sure there are a hundred thousand of them.

So if anyone has recommendations for smaller sections of their radio that I could listen to without dedicating the next entire year of my life to it, let me know. I got a good recommendation from @aeolianblues for a playlist of John Robins reading out a book he wrote.

[tresmontesentertainment]

One of the things that makes Gold such a fun character to ruminate about is pondering what her interactions with the wider cast would look like. From the franchise's noblest heros to it's most depraved villains, there's such a wide range of personalities to compare and contrast her to, just about the only real limit is how thoroughly your willing to explore a given match-up. As I see it, Gold's own origins and characteristics, while pretty specific within her own context, are also shockingly universal when compared to the traits of just about any character you care to name. I was only mostly joking with that one gag post from a while back, you know!

Frankly, I'd say that the tricky bit would be counting off how many character's Gold wouldn't be able to relate to by some measure or another. Whether they've suffered loss or betrayal, chafe under oppressive authority or bear it's weight on their shoulders, have a legacy to chase after or just a good old fashioned mysterious past, Gold could find common ground with just about anybody she might run into. It runs both ways, too; getting to see that she isn't alone in enduring these things would go a long way to help Gold find some peace with herself.

Really though, if there's one character out of the rest that I'd love to see Gold converse with, both as a matter of character exploration and simple hilarity, it'd have to be Breezie the Hedgehog's incarnation in Post-Reboot Archie, based not simply on the fact on that these are the precise kind of people who would hate each other's guts on sheer principle, but the utter coincidence of just how perfectly they mirror each other, and the shockingly profound effect Breezie could have on Gold and likely not even know it!

Consider someone like Breezie from Gold's perspective; ruthless, gleefully shameless in throwing her power around, infuriatingly aware that her pockets are deep enough to keep her above anything so petty as "the consequences of her actions." Breezie embodies just about every quality someone like Gold would dread to see in someone in a position of power, and I honestly have no trouble envisioning her coming to regard Breezie with even less esteem than The Council. Insidious and nigh-on soulless as they were, The Council could at least be said to have something resembling principle guiding their actions, whereas Breezie, motivated solely by the philosophy of C.R.E.A.M., can have no such thing claimed of her.

Gold breaking through her usual skittishness and getting outright pissed about something was always going to be among the rarest of occasions, but damn if Breezie isn't just the type to bring that out of her! And this is all without considering that time she was perfectly willing to leave a child in mortal peril for her own profit. It was just the one time (far as we know...), but still!

For her part, all Breezie would likely see when first meeting Gold is just another peon to wring money out of, an assessment that would undoubtedly shift with utmost swiftness to “insufferable busybody” if they actually got to talking for more than a minute. Yet another wannabe do-gooder carrying on about caring about people's problems and making the world a better place, all the more obnoxious when coming from some hand-wringing twerp in a beach towel who can barely clamp down on her nerves for five seconds. It's not like the world ever did anything for her. She's just beating it at it's own game!

But really, that's just the surface level contention. Given how much of a habit self-mythologizing seems to be for Breezie, any circumstance that would see Gold encountering her would make it all but certain she'd learn about Breezie's ever so humble origins, and it's something I think Gold would find... hauntingly familiar. I'm almost inclined to think Gold would consider Breezie to have had it worse than she did. Both of them are certainly victims of circumstance, but where Gold had actual monsters behind her troubles, be it the literal one that stole her world from her or the figurative ones that manipulated her, Breezie's ills were so much more mundane. No great calamity, no tears in the fabric of reality, just a scared, starving little girl left to wallow in utter destitution.

It's how that little girl went about escaping those bitter circumstances, though, that would really throw Gold for a loop.

It's as we see in the comic; it wasn't until Sonic was already aways into his career of sticking it to Eggman that Breezie seemed to have any real opportunity to start reaching for something better, and it was only by falling in with the good doctor that she had that opportunity in the first place. It was only by recasting herself in something akin to Eggman's image, with a similar kind of larger-than-life bombast putting her at the forefront of attention by presence alone, that Breezie was able to achieve a greatness that she might not have found left to her own devices.

In a very real way and in a darkly fitting bit of irony, Eggman freed Breezie, and then, in the most fitting turn of all, she cast him aside in the same way that he made a pawn of her, going on to do something even Eggman himself can never seem to sus out; building an empire all her own without a single care for some pesky heros toppling the damn thing. Just about the only other Sonic villain that can claim to be as unassailable was Mogul back in the pre-reboot days, and Breezie didn't even need any mind control nonsense to pull it off!

That’s one-upmanship across two separate timelines, if you aren’t keeping track. And yet, where most anyone else might think they couldn’t be anymore on top of the world, even this doesn’t quite seem enough for Breezie.

Breezie couldn't have escaped her earliest circumstances any more thoroughly, but she hasn't really escaped them, has she? Whether it's the gleeful disdain she regards Sonic and company's heroics with, or how the extent of her concern for the world literally breaking apart was how she could turn it to her advantage and profit, there's a very... foundational sense of resentment underpinning everything Breezie does, at least as I've come to see it.

Clearly, she’s not entirely heartless, given how she’s perfectly happy to give a home to the robots Eggman tosses aside with seemingly no caveats. But it’s not really benevolence if you’re extending that kindness to just one group of people, is it? One has to wonder if she’s ever really given herself the chance to forgive the world for what she’d been through, or if she hasn't simply fooled herself into mistaking all that desperation and anger to be the driving force behind her success.

And it's this one single facet about Breezie that I think stands as the crux of why her and Gold encountering each other is such a compelling prospect to me, beyond just the clashing of principles that would be inherent to their interactions. Learning where Breezie came from, who she became because of it, I think it would leave Gold to reckon with the question of who, exactly, she wants to be. A question not so easily answered just because Gold’s one of the good guys, mind you.

Gold is a character that never ceases to fascinate me, and hell, Breezie's got plenty going on under the hood herself, something I'm sure you can appreciate if you were already familiar with her...

I could honestly go on, but this is long enough as is, and I've had to endure my brain fumbling over itself for the last month and a half getting this to a point I felt satisfied with. Case in point; I would’ve had this posted yesterday had I not started combing through it again to see if I could refine it any further.

As it stands, I think I'm just going to put all that on the shelf for a time and use what’s left of the month to try breaking myself of the habit of only popping in when I've got something "big" to say. Maybe find something else to obsess over for a bit. Cult of the Lamb looks pretty promising! Lot of stuff on the back burner I've been neglecting, too, and my headspace is long past due for some de-cluttering.

Best of luck on that, I guess!

[jrwi-most-nd]

Round 3 Poll:

Pictures and propaganda are under the cut!

William Wisp (Prime Defenders)

(Submitted for Autism, ADHD, Anxiety, Cotard’s Syndrome, AVPD, PTSD, OCD, Schizophrenia, Delusional Disorder, OSDD-1b/Plurality, and BPD)

Look at him and tell me he doesn’t have massive anxiety  ~ Anxiety

I mean his whole thing is that he is literally dead and alive at the same time. One of the first things introduced about him is how quickly he can make himself go invisible/seem like he doesn’t exist. The autism is just because he’s silly :3  ~ Autism and Cotard’s Syndrome

Just like. Look into his eyes and you’ll know. But also don’t he’s autistic how dare you  ~ Autism and Anxiety

- Deep-rooted low self esteem. He’s always felt weird and different, sees himself as inherently wrong, a fuck up and a disappointment. He struggles to even see himself as a person, especially when he was dead. He puts his friends on a pedestal (especially Dakota) and sees himself as someone way beneath them.  - Relatively okay with maintaining some surface level relationships but struggles with expressing his deeper feelings or talking about his past. Always vague and incredibly apologetic, quick to brush past it whenever it comes up.  - Very self-conscious and ashamed of his powers, especially early on. He asks people to look away when he goes into spirit form, and only does it in extreme circumstances. Only comfortable when he’s in the purple morph suit, where he feels like he can be seen as a different person. - When Dakota gives him his heart he immediately feels like he has to dedicate his whole life to making it up to him (literally gets a new complication bc of that). Feels undeserving of kindness or help from others.   - Quick to give up when he isn’t absolutely certain of an outcome. Extreme reluctance to take risks, (avoiding using his powers because he doesn’t trust himself to control them, running and hiding during fights)  ~ AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder)

Well its been a while since i spedrun pd but what ive picked up is; They wear alot of layers which could be a texture thing or an unbalance to coldness and warmness and that bitch is definitely queer which is more common for autistic/adhd folks since they tend to be less reliant on social norms and thus more open about their sexuality and gender! Another think is in both the designs his hair only goes does to his neck i have autism and my hair HAS to be a specific length or like texture issues and shit and i know in the one shot between season 1 and 2 his hair is different but i refuse to believe that >:( anyway thats all i picked up i probably can think of alot more but these were a few off the top of my head! (i cant find much for the delusional disorder since its only small details but let me hc jeeze >:()  ~ Autism, ADHD, Schizophrenia, and Delusional Disorder

theres one specific monologue that makes me claw at the fences but i cant find it right now. Just know its true because i know everything and i said so  ~ OSDD-1b

Vyncent Sol (Prime Defenders)

(Submitted for Autism, DID/Plurality, OCD, and generally neurodivergent)

I do not care that it isn’t canon system Vyncent owns my soul  ~ DID I’ve only seen the free episodes but GOODNESS. First of all the multiple personalities are an obvious choice, the fact that he’s from another world and struggles to adapt to this world is SO autism coded for so many reasons, plus just. HIM is so autistic-like I can’t put words to it but it just is. The OCD is just vibes and projection honestly  ~ Autism, Plural, OCD, ND

[lake-archive]

It's Worthless

Content Warning ahead! This work includes...

Feeling Excluded & Unwanted

Isolation

Insecurities

Loneliness

Hurt (no comfort)

Self-Worth Issues

Self-Esteem Issues

Self-Doubt

S*icidal Thoughts (implied)

If you feel uncomfortable with any of these topics, I advise you to not proceed! Read at your own risk!

Words: 886

When looking at those around them, the people they are surrounded by every day of the week it was hard to believe that they were even allowed around those people to begin with… They all have careers, are admired by many and skills anyone could dream of having. In fact, when looking around everyone they seemed so… Little in comparison. It was almost unbearable, to say the least… What was even the point of them being here? Why were they here actually?

Ugh, does any of this make any sense to begin with? Probably not. In fact, it was confusing in their own mind. Who would even think like that? Was there a point to think like that? It was nonsense, wasn’t it? Utter, pointless nonsense… And yet they couldn’t help but believe it… 

Everyone around them seemed so happy after all, being able to flourish — They converse in groups. They all enjoy themselves, together. It was all in one big group too, something they could only admire from afar. 

They were usually watching from their corner, in some way lurking, just seeing the laughing faces. These people seem so happy, filled with life to the brim. They had each other, even if it only was on some surface level. They have at least someone to turn to. Even if it was just two of them, over and over, unable to get sick of each other and thus having endless hours of chatter behind. How nice must it be. 

One may ask why they would never get out of their corner and join right in. These things aren’t so hard. Just walk up and talk. It’s so damn easy. They are looking like an idiot if they just sit there and watch, being caught up in a daydream instead, in their tiny world, in their ‘what ifs’. And it was that simple, they knew, and yet fear was always lingering around… So many unwarranted yet in their twisted sense justified fears. 

“They wouldn’t like me.”

“I would disturb their conversation.”

“I’d be annoying them.”

“Not like I got anything to add to begin with.”

“They’d reject me.”

Maybe it was silly to think that. But these thoughts would always plague their mind. So why bother trying? It’d be useless. At most they would just talk and shove them aside at the next best opportunity. And who were they to blame anyone? Not as if they had anything interesting to begin with. It was always the same old with them, nothing of substance to add. Anything coming from their mouth would be repetitive, to the point it should be considered a public nuisance. They had no one but themself to blame for this state. They were boring and annoying, the worst combination possible. Then again, that would be if they could get their mouth to open…

Usually they would just stay quiet. Their lips were glued together or the words were stuck right in their throat… Not even a ‘Hello’ wanted to creep out. But it might be for the best. It is for the best. Let them dream in their mind… Let them enjoy whatever they want in solitude… As long as they were quiet, it was ok. 

Yeah, this state is fine in the end, is it not? After all, their existence may as well be reduced to thin air. They were only a small piece of the bigger picture, an insignificant one at that. They shouldn’t mourn about any of this. They had no right to cry. They are not the worst off in this big world… Right? Others have it way worse. 

Who cares if they feel like they don’t belong here? Who cares if they cannot open their mouth? Who cares if they sit around in their own comfort zone? No one cares and it will stay that way. They have no place to complain, not if they are just a worthless existence. 

Yeah, they are. Even if someone were to tell them no, could they be proven wrong? It was all just meaningless banter, words they could read anywhere. And in a way they did. But then again, those are just words on a screen. Not like those people actually cared when they typed this out. 

“You are worth something!”

“Your feelings matter!”

“You come first and no one else!”

The same lines people spit out over and over and throw out there. They heard the same thing so many times, it was almost frustrating. It could make them sick. Affirmation? Hardly. If it was said by someone they didn’t know, why would it matter? It doesn’t, that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter at all… And thus, they are on their own. They always were. 

Friends? Don’t have any.

A soulmate? A word to send shivers down the spine.

Family? The only reason to cling onto life itself.

But that reason won’t be there forever, will it? Eventually everyone will be gone, and that will be the time to say goodbye… Right? 

Well, until then there is still time to leave some footprint, right? Hah, then again, not like anyone will ever see it so what’s the point? The day they vanish from this earth will be the sweet release… All while the world keeps moving forward, as if nothing happened.

[artemisrae]

have you watched season 4 of stranger things yet! i’d love your thoughts

Hi friend! I just finished it late last night because I was waiting for the whole thing to be released and my parents came to visit for the holiday.

Also I got COVID so here are my cold medication influenced thoughts in bullet point form:

- The Duffers really said "Hey you know El's awful tragic backstory? Okay what if it was worse?"

- Eddie Munson has the most precious soulful baby eyes I've ever seen on a dude.

- The fact that the Byers clearly see El as their sibling is just. My heart can't take it.

- The further we get in the more I like characters from when they were introduced. I had little interest in Jonathan even after season 2 - loved him in this season. Same with Erica, who grated on me last season and Murray who just bugs me when he starts in on people's love lives and telling them to sleep together. But I really liked what they all got to do this season.

- Some of the retconning is ehhhhhhh but they have another season to refine it.

- The Hawkins crew was the most dynamic and had the best material to work with.

- I'm not touching the shipping of Mike and Will, but I will say it's weird he couldn't even hug Will? When has he ever been afraid to hug Will??

-Mike and El's fight was heartbreaking because it boils down to two people with very low self esteem speaking different love languages. Mike has grown up with Karen and Ted as his example of a functioning relationship- even for a marriage of convenience, as Nancy has pointed out way back in Season 1- but no matter what their actual feelings are, you know what they both do? They provide. Ted has a good enough job that Karen doesn't have to work and Mike still gets all kinds of games, books, figurines, and electronics. Karen loves having the kids friends over and feeds everyone. There's obviously stuff happening beneath the surface but my point is: Mike was shown that you take care of people you love. He's a gangly bullied kid who is obviously terrified of what happens if El decides she doesn't need him - or worse, finds someone better. Except that El is an abused kid raised devoid of loving human contact that isn't meant to manipulate her in some way. Then out of the lab her initial education in human socialization is... television. Soap operas. Old movies. So yeah. She needs and wants verbal reinforcement. Which is frightening to Mike. It's something that real couples struggle with, and it also makes sense that these two teenagers wouldn't have the emotional maturity to be like "let's talk about love language."

- Max and Lucas were the MVPs this season. I always liked them but not really beyond a "high school sweethearts" sort of way but watching them in that last episode was a gut punch. Dustin talking to Eddie's uncle was also a moment of Acting. Definitely got wibbly along with Dustin.

-There was too much torture. But thats a personal ick of mine, I have a pretty low tolerance of it in media.

-I do not give the tiniest whiff of a fuck about Billy and find it notable that the two "happy" moments they could flash back to for Max was 1. When he died and 2. Him acknowledging her after she threatened him with bodily harm to get him to leave her alone. I'm glad they put some context for it in Max's monologue because I was NOT buying anyone being sad for that racist abusive jerk who only got flayed because he was on his way to fuck Max's friend's mom.

-I loved Suzee and the entire scene in Utah. Loved that she wasn't a one off for a musical gag in season 3. Loved feral child Cornelius even though I want him nowhere near my own house. Loved Argyle instantly and immediately falling in love with Eden. Loved Eden being like "Please attempt to murder her for me thanks." All of it was great 10/10.

- Hey uh.... anyone gonna check on Owens?

-Overall I liked it more than Season 3. But Season 2 will always be the gold standard for me.

Thanks for asking! I think this is mostly coherent. Hope you are well friend!