#something something gay ppl can never just say they find someone attractive in a normal manner

[vix2section]

he's like everything in a metal band guy crush i would've had in the 2000s but better. he's my 6'5" wife he's so hot i want to clean his bathroom i want him to chase me around foggy woods at 3am during october etc etc

x / x

[paramountpetrichor]

hate that i cant send asks on my side blog-

but hi! im void! and im absolutely Obsessed with ur art and the ships u talk about and- and-

*clears throat and tents hands together calmly* im here to lose my mind a bit :3

some Rambles of a few ships that i just. love a lot OTL

obviously love eclipse/earth. theyre just. its perfect! eclipse Really needs someone to pamper and take care of him sweetly but also Not tolerate his bullshit while also being gentle. his main drive is getting the reaction he wants, so wut if he doesnt get it? well then he has to find other ways to make ppl react how he wants and earth shows him how to get that satisfaction while not hurting ppl! its really easy to get a quick reaction out of ppl when u just give em a quick kiss. a small peck or two. like a small harmless prank! and she cheers him on as he (consensually) kisses the entire family. ofc he kisses her too. earth is the big sister that hes always needed and DAMNIT is she gonna help him get better <3

another earth ship but... solar/earth. AGAIN. SOOO MUCH POTENTIAL!! THEYRE SO CLOSE AND BONDED AND SO FUCKING FLUFFY!!!!!! im surprised how little ppl talk about solar/earth despite HOW FUCKING GOOD AND EASY ITD BE TO SHIP THEM. they were gonna make lil stuffies with each other and she was gonna make a bunny and he was gonna make a snake and theyd be friends!!!!! GGAAAAAAHHHHHH OTL and dont even get me STARTED on how she cried and said "i wanted to ask if he wanted to be my brother" FUCK DUUUUDDDEE

okayokayokay.. moving on...... i think we all know of moon/eclipse. literally the tension between them HURTS to witness. "want me to get on my knees back there sweetie?" "want me to bark for u?" "kiss my boot while ur at it" LIKE????? ECLIPSE STFU STOP BEING GAY!!!!!!!!! i can just imagine HOW MUCH that flusters moon and he tries SO HARD to hide it but. its *so* obvious. ALSO the added bonus of the whole enemies to lovers thing??? also wut u talked about earlier in ur own post about how their relationship would slowly develop is SO GOOOOODDDDD

sun/moon.... always the classic. the otp of them all. can never escape them. something i wanted to ask YOU was how do u think moon/sun realized they were attracted to the other?? i bet itd be something like super small like the other doing something silly and them just going "oh *shit*" AND I AGREE that theyd be SOOOO TOUCHY!!!! hugs and kisses and cuddles and hand holding ALL THE DAMN TIME!!! u can NOT EVER separate them! they r a packaged deal!!!!

im a HUGE sun/eclipse shipper tho i usually dont imagine them as being incestuous but... its fun to consider 👀 he gets redeemed and added back into the family and UH OH- he has feelings for the sun :] wut will he ever do!!!! (obviously kiss him. clearly the only correct answer) BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS i think itd be a Really Good slow burn between the 2. i feel like eclipse would be Super ashamed of himself for having a Crush on his Brother of all ppl!! but.... it wouldnt hurt too much, would it? i feel like in general the family would already be a big mess of polyamory but eclipse doesnt Know for a while. they THOUGHT it was obvious that like- its normal for them to kiss each other. but he didnt know!!! so hes like. super fucking shocked to maybe like one day walk in on a pair of them kissing the other (i say sun n moon :3c) and being super fucking confused and conflicted like. THIS IS A THING?? THIS IS NORMAL FOR THEM???? honest to god i wanna write this as a silly oneshot maybe- but dw! bc in the end sun and eclipse DO KISS!!!! THEY GET TO BE GAY IN THE END!!

this is getting so fucking long and im so sorry so ill limit myself to only ONE more ship- solar/jack. on my main i say "oh no it isnt incest i just like creator/creation" but... we all know y we're here/silly TJERES SO MUCH POTENTIALL!!! jack/everyone is great but i ESPECIALLY love solar/jack bc jack Really needs the gentle guiding hand of a parent to help him understand the world better. sweet baby boy needs a bit of help understanding things. but dont worry! solar is here to help!!

also just in general. lunar is a little shit. he goes after Everyone. no one is safe from him. there is no escape from the wrath that is lunars affection :3c

i would ramble more but this has gotten So Fucking Long and its like 1am and im not even gonna go back and spellcheck/edit this so im just sending it and hoping it makes sense :'3

HOPE U HAVE A GOOD DAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

rubs my grimy little hands together. ive been WAITING for time to answer this big boy ask and now I've got it muahahaha

well actually first off, ADHDKAFAJSGA THANK YOUUU 🥺🥺 <3 the whole ass reason i create things is bc i like seeing people's reactions to what my silly little mind cooks up, so knowing you like my gay kissy robots simply makes me wanna create More >:3 and yes please feel free to lose your mind in my inbox any time, any hour /gen

YAYAYAYA ECLIPSEARTH YAYAYAYAYA!!! god you're so right, they are Objectively good together and i Can't be convinced otherwise. Earth won't take Eclipse's bs, but she also won't go about calling him out on it in a mean way. she politely asks why he's Like That, what she can do to help, and then she just has to stand there Confused when Eclipse runs away cause his ass is NOT used to genuine sincerity and his mechanical heart starts beating out of his chest at even the slightest sign of it!!! also just ascended to the heavens over the thought of Eclipse kissing Earth for the first time (cause i feel like Earth would initiate all the kisses at first :3c) and Earth just explodes into giggles and stims. Eclipse is even more flustered- he's grumbling and hiding his face away as Earth tries to kiss his rays cause "you were supposed to be embarrassed- not happy!!!" andand one more thing- the thing where you said how Earth would encourage Eclipse to go give everyone kisses? *Inhale*. HELL FUCKING YEAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!! ourghhh Eclipse and Moon are bickering per usual and then Eclipse just shuts hi up by kissing him... and now Moon is thinking about that for Days. then Eclipse pulls that on Sun. and Lunar. and on every Other celestial until he's kissed everyone, and then he approaches Earth like a proud cat about it, explaining who he kissed and how he did it all while preening like a peacock. (he wants kisses from her as a reward, dammit!!!) agajsgqja eclipsearth hhh theyre so cuteee hhh i need to draw them smooching so bad hhh

KWGIWGIQGA YES NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE TALK ABOUT SOLAR AND EARTH. and tbh i think the reason so Few peeps talk abt them is Because (as much as i love it) of the fact that Earth canonically considers Solar her brother. that pushes many Normies away from even making au's where they're together, which is what solarmoon's normally do bc they were shipping solarmoon Before Moon ever even though of Solar as family. the content-craving part of me brain kinda wishes Earth never called Solar brother bc there would've been sooooo much ship art of the two after that episode if so istg. ...but the proship brain LOVES that she called him brother cause now i have more reasoning to make them kith >:3 i bet when Solar comes back (bc he will and if he doesn't i'm gaslighting myself into believing he is <3) he and Earth are gonna have little playdates with the things they crochet together... their bunny and snake end up on a little date and Earth and Solar are giggling like teenagers whenever they flirt w each other through their respective plushy <3<3<3 and then at the end of it whenever the two plushes bonk their heads together in a kiss EA&SO KISS TOO and JAFUSFAIGA AUGHHH THEY'RE SO CUUUTEEE

anon i will literally /p marry you. you just gave me an excuse to yell about mooneclipse. *Ahem*. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1!1!!1! I FUCKING LOVE MOONECLIPSE!!!1!!!11!!1! ik i've previously screamed about how i think their relationship would develop, but i haven't talked about the slowburn enough yet. sooo... hi not to make this a Lil raunchy but: Eclipse saddling up behind Moon while Moon's in p&s, Eclipse presses his chest against Moon's back, wrapping his arms around his torso and murmuring teases mixed in with Very Family Friendly things in his ear. Moon is torn between leaning his head back to start kissing the sonuva bitch, or if he should smack Eclipse's head 180° around with a wrench. (spoiler: he goes with the first option :3) mooneclipse Also good whenever i can shove Sun in there bc if Sun ever walked in on the two making out he'd never recover. that's all he'll be thinking about for the next year, and the year after that if it happens again. he wants to be in-between them so baddd afaksfaksfaga

SPEAKING about Sun, SUN/MOON YEHAHAHAHAHAH!!! and oh ohh i TOTALLY agree with the Super Small thing. i think it was a fell first, fell harder situation with Specifically Sun and New Moon. Sun fell first, and N.M fell harder. thas' because S&M were already a Thing during the Old Moon days, sooo Sun already had them-there feelings, and New Moon, in all his dorky, smart, trying-his-best glory, just MADE THEM WORSE doing the tiniest little things. like, y'know that high-pitched screechy laugh Moon does whenever he's laughing too hard? Sun heard him do that for the first time and the urge to kiss Moon struck Sun so hard he got a lil dizzy. there were so many times before the two got together where Sun would just Stare at Moon, not listening to whatever tf he was saying and just admiring every inch of him. and Sun only snapped out of it whenever he heard his own rays whirring a mile a minute isgsigsogaoga. BUT. but, New Moon fell harder. if i were to assign a canon moment in the timeline where i think he realized his feelings for Sun, it would be when Sun comforted him during his breakdown over Solar. like Moon, on the verge of passing out, feels himself being cradled into Sun's chest as he carries him to bed and oh no oh fuck oh shit this isn't brotherly love he's feeling it's not it's not. and then whenever Sun brings him sushi the next morning Moon accidentally starts thinking of it like a lil breakfast date and that thought has him shaking and JAFAUFIAGIAG they're so CUTE and AWKWARDN and SOSOSO cuddly whenever they finally get together. Sun has to be on Moon's lap at least once everyday or else he'll be Pouty.

THE WAY YOU FLAVORED THIS SPECIFIC VERSION OF SUNECLIPSE MADE ME ISGIAFIFAIGAIGIA. YESSSSS. Eclipse feels so bad about catching feelings for his new brother, but... the Celestials are already More physically affectionate with each other than normal siblings are, and Eclipse Swears he sometimes catches them all coming out of each other's rooms wearing each other's clothes, and most importantly why does it seem like Sun is flirting with him all the time??? (< cause he Is lmao) Eclipse walks in on S&M making out- Sun having his whole ass legs wrapped around Moon's waist and Eclipse fucking just.🧍‍♂️. "hELLO???!?! HELLO!!?!?!?!1?!" and then S&M Still take like a solid minute to Fully pull away cause. whaaat d'you waaaaant Eclipse can't you see they're busy??? ...unless you wanna Join them, ofc :) (< Eclipse explodes on the spot /vpos)

ON MY KNEES. FINALLY, ANOTHER WHO SEES MY SOLAR/JACK VISION. i'unno if you are a Reader of my Ao3, but if you Aren't, then you should know i think jack starts doing romance stuff alllll thanks to Lunar. he is a Horrible influence. Lunar tells him about kissing, flirting, seduction, the Things That Come After That that i can't say in interest of keeping this post Tame uagigaigaigs. aaand then Jack wants to try all those things on Solar!!! cause who better to love on then your own creator!!! someone walks in on Solar with Jack in his lap one day, and they are very close together, Almost kissing, and then Solar Shrieks and tries to act like he wasn't about to kiss Jack. he's just- he's just doing repairs!!! that's all!!!! thaaat's all!!!!! (Jack is so confused- is he a bad kisser? what did he do wrong :( [< he did Nothing wrong Solar just has Anxiety usgwgigwigw])

AAAND last but not least, yes, Lunar has gone for everyone once, twice, thrice, and probably even more for Some. if someone were to ask him his body count he'd have to Swiftly change the subject out of fear of Never Living Down The Truth Igiahagaig

it took me like over 3 hours to write all this out AHAHHAHAH hope i matched your Hype when it comes to these ships cause theyre all AHAHHJHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

[peachjagiya]

something I have noticed about shippers especially #one group of shippers it's that they don't seem to like the idea of jk actually being attracted to men. A lot of shippers frame jk's sexuality as him being a straight dude with an exception for their fav (tkkrs too) and u can see an extension of this by the way they choose to insult Tae too,I have seen them act "offended" on jk's behalf bc "how could you think that he could like Tae's refrigerator body" (ofc they word it a lot more meaninly) and the pictures the show it's just him being a hot dude lmao 😭 among a lot of other vile remarks about his body and of course there's nothing wrong with his body but it's clear to me this ppl have an idea of how a gay couple should look to be appealing to their fantasies and that jk must be a straight dude whose world happened to be put upside down by their "feminine prettier than girls" fav which btw I don't see jm as feminine at all btw it's just that he is short man 😭

And then I think about the many videos of jk being entranced by Tae's looks and particularly that one where they were filming the run's pool scene and his shirt sticks to his body when he is out of the water and u can clearly see that jk likes likes what he is seeing (made more obvious by jm's absolute normal friend reaction) and him being like "his back is bigger" completely entranced and yes, jk likes a man, jk likes men (and there are many different ways in which a man can look ofc and different ppl can be particularly attracted to a way or other or many) but jokers point is the opposite of that, the way they insult Tae is like they don't like the idea of jk being attracted to traits they deem as not feminine bc are usual on men like being (comparatively to women) bigger in height and body proportions etc and that's bc deep down and bc of their straight fantasies a couple should have marked differences. Anyways my point is that if you are going to believe that your fav is in a relationship with man you have to believe they like MEN and not act weird about what that means.

And this applies to both shippers bc i have seen tkkrs being weird about tk's bodies too

Goodness, I've never actively made that connection but now you say it, there is a definite tendency.

It's fetishization plain as day, I think. The Wattpad ideal of a gay couple being one macho guy and one cutesy femme guy, overemphasis on dominant/submissive stereotypes. I think every fandom I've ever been in has had a thing for it. I wish I knew the source of it! Why is it such a popular ship dynamic?

A lot of shippers frame jk's sexuality as him being a straight dude with an exception for their fav

This is really interesting too. Important to note that demisexuality is real, where the attraction develops after the emotional attachment, and that could encompass this idea that only one guy is attractive to him.

But it's not really about what JK does and doesn't find attractive. If he's attracted to various men, we have no idea, but as ever the real problem is the absolute shutting down of an idea. Discounting a whole "genre" of man just because they'd rather sit with their fantasy is problematic, reductive and wilfully ignorant of the breadth of queer attraction. And when the shutting down of an idea comes with a damaging limiting stereotype and a weird kind of body shaming, almost...? I'm side-eyeing. It's very "yes you can be gay as long as the gay that you are is the gay that I want you to be." Nah, accept all queerness, actually.

A note on attraction though: I think about especially the Run wet tee moment that you referenced and actually, when Tae is dancing and JK is shouting awww yeah from the table - it's always struck me as an attracted appreciative tone to his voice.

But also noticing Namjoon's thighs first? Cute story but actually... To be distracted by someone's thighs... 😂 And Namjoon is so masc.

(I'm not Namkook shipping 😂😂😂 but if I have any small silly conviction, it's that Jungkook did nurse a tiny little boyish crush on Namjoon: https://twitter.com/namkookloops/status/970380343885926408?t=FIQjZfeSUWaGDmMyu5zV3A&s=19)

Thanks! These thoughts were super thoughts! 💜

[logicroute]

hi so im normal abt shin tsukimi being nonbinary. most of this is just hcs but this is real to me. read it undercut :3 i also touched on my hispanic shin and him being gay aroacespec by accident. whoops

to me at least. shin hasn’t really ever cared abt his gender that much, it was never really a big part of his life growing up so he never put thought into it or really had a meaning for it in his mind.

he is still transgender to me, he started exploring himself at around.. 14? i would say, it wasn’t anything much, just dressing more GNC, having fun with combining both styles of masculine and feminine clothing and all of that. in a way wanting to seem confusing but not at the same time.

he likes exploring and experimenting with how gender feels for him while hes older, but ya know how it is. it just, doesnt really seem right to pick a side with something you dont really understand yourself.

so thats where the quoigender comes in. its also called WTFgender which i find amazing. quoigender pretty much means that you cant really put a definition on your gender. so i think over time shin starts like. feeling more connected to that term for himself..!!

to me he uses any prns and any terms because of his like.. somewhat lack of care on how people assign a gender to him in a way when he meets new people, like the way that people think of him hasnt reallu been a big thought to him. until the death game which he puts up the front of  someone that is threating to survive but he still doesnt really care abt prns in the death game. a really funny idea is that everyone just uses a completely different set of pronouns for him and everyone just understands that its abt shin cuz of the tone in the voice.

theres also the whole… not really having an idea who you are with the hiyori persona in the death game but whooo cares abt that rn. something something gender playing into how he copied how he remembered hiyori acting like.. so acting more dramatic and the works.. 

and i also hc him as hispanic which.. can also play into his gender in a way. to me his mom is hispanic for context. she herself never liked the idea of gender roles but she never gotten a chance to break out of them..until she moved to japan for school, met shins dad and all of that. so when she had shin she wanted to make sure that nothing was being overly expected from him that fits into any of the norms.. she is also somewhat breaking without knowing but its whimsical for her. i need to talk abt the tsukimis more they mean so much to me.

not to get too ibto his sexuality in the gender rant but. i thibk he knew he was gay for a while, hes alaways liked boys for his whole life pretty much, he hasnt felt attraction to girls at all besides like.. the planotic “ohh ur pretty:)” thing you know. but then also the aroace spectrum kicks in. 

at least to me. shin hasnt really felt romantic feelings for anyone reallly. like he couldnt really place how he feels for ppl on a romantic scale if rhay makes sense, but like he has felt them in rare occasions, but nothing really happens lmao. so the plain term of arospec usually works.

im aceflux shin number one believer. its just really dear to me for some reason. it doesnt really breach out of the demisexual area that much but its okay he gets to have some fun with labels.

also no cisgender person only wears winter clothing all year long. he is most likely nonbinary but he has a minimum wage shift in the hour and is kinda doomed in a death game later so he cant care abt that atm. 

in short uhhh shin tsukimi any pronouns quoigender/nonbinary aroace spec gay real forever. 

[cassandralexxx]

If u know me irl don’t read this 🤩

like frfr specifically you know who you are don’t read this 🙏🙏🙏

anyways just stream of of consciousness internalized homophobia so if you don’t want to read my internal negative ramblings regarding my sexuality scroll 💕 I can’t stop thinking about Chapelle Roan’s song “good luck babe”. Like I keep listening to it and even when doing other things the lyrics remain on my mind. I don’t mean that in a “it’s stuck in my head” kind of way but instead like genuinely thinking about it. It’s a certain point the song feels painful to listen to. idk even though I am mostly out I still feel like I relate more to the subject of the song than roan. I connect more with being the person who will try to deny themself and live a life unfulfilled.

I thibk it’s bc within my personal life growing up (post realizing) I used to be desperate to be into guys but I never could make myself feel that. I couldn’t force my attraction to men and I couldn’t stop my attraction to women. It’s like I first realized I was gay after my first crush on a girl; up till that point I was still hopeful id develop feelings for men. freshman year at university during the first homecoming week despite coming out as gay to some of my peers I still tried to flirt with a guy. Idk I was so hopeful that through alcohol and flirtation I could “stop the feeling” but I couldn’t.

even now that I act more secure in my sexuality I’m not out to my dad nor his family or my moms family or my family friends. I would never marry a guy or whatever if it was for the purpose of hiding my sexuality bc that feels cruel to them but sometimes I wish to do something bc maybe that would let me be the idealized normal I had growing up.

idk it’s such a song where it feels like it’s being sung to me idk. Like even tho I say what I do I still think what if I just decide to find a “nice guy” and settle down. this song reminds me a lot of the conversation I had with someone 1.5 years ago where she called me crying after her friends wedding bc she was so sad that I could never be married like that bc I’m gay. She is bi so she can find a guy but I can’t have that and I deserve happiness too. (She was not sober hence the call) or a close friend of mine from high school that multiple times when we got drunk she would tell me about how she’s gay and would sometimes kiss one of our friends.

she’s dating a guy now.

it’s weird

even in this time that I think of as “so progressive” I know a lot of people who choose to repress themselves. Like yeah the song is about lesbians not bi ppl bc like bi ppl are still bi even in het relationships but like im talking about my close friends that yes they are lgbt but they will never claim that identity bc they feel the wrongness of it. Idk growing up and even sometimes now I remember thinking “if I was bi I’d be straight” bc like if I could choose I wouldn’t choose this.

sometimes I can’t handle the implication of what it means that I am a lesbian. And I think what if I just conform but like it reminds me of roans song. Good luck babe. It won’t work.

I can tell myself how great a guy is and how maybe we’d look good together but I can’t force my attraction. All I can feel is disgust. Which in turn disappoints me bc it’s like why do I feel this way.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I was trying to be like yes I understand that guy is hot but I’m not into him. And I was starting to be like I don’t know why that is and I realized oh yea that’s part of what makes me gay.

in media I feel like I relate more to the closeted character. I loved the happiest season, and I loved Harper. I felt for her, I felt that anxiety surrounding coming out about being herself. That didn’t change her love for Abby but it’s about herself. It devastated me and I saw myself in it.

I sometimes wish I lived in a world unlike our own.

[golbrocklovely]

CONSPIRACY THEORY ! ( please don’t hate on me, it’s just my own observation, based on what I went through):

I don’t think Colby is 100% straight. I feel like there is a chance of him being bi or pansexual. I say it because first of all I didn’t saw him saying he is straight… if i missed something then sorry. All I remember is him saying that he didn’t have any “gay experience”. Which alone doesn’t say anything about his sexuality. He just said that he never done anything with a male. Second of all: I have been thinking about it lately, how Colby mostly got called out for “queerbaiting” and while i think that what he was doing with the whole BROLBY was 10000% wrong , because obviously he and B only did that for money and attention and I am mad at him for that Hovewer I do not think that all his actions could be queerbaiting. Because those “jokes” he made towards his male friends came up from him naturally. With Sam ofc it could just be their long term friendship, so they just can feel 1000% comfortable with literally anything. But Colby been acting like this not only around Sam and the fact is, he never stopped. He just slowed down a little bit.

I say it because recently i saw some person on one of social media accounts who said that they are no longer snc fans, because of never stopping gueerbaiting. But what if they do not? What if Colby is not doing it for attention, but because he ain’t 100% straight? I remember when i was finding out who i am. And guess what? I was acting almost the same way as Colby. And later on i found out that I am not really as straight as i thought. That i am in fact bisexual.

I feel like accusing them of queerbaiting just because they made some joke towards the same gender, when we don’t know what is going really in their heads is kinda rude. Only we ourselves know what we feel. Or sometimes even we ourselves don’t know ourselves as much as we thought ( read : me).

I mean whatever they are its not my business. And i do not like them for their sexuality. It’s jusf my own observation, but even if i would be somehow right, then I doubt he would ever admit it to a public ( or at least not in the nearest future).

colby said in his deep q&a back in dec. 2019 that he was straight and only liked girls.

personally, and this is just how i feel about the alphabet mafia since i am one too, i think there are a lot of gay ppl that say they want straight ppl to see us and what we do as normal, or maybe to not label us at all. we want straight ppl to understand that gender is a construct and that you're not less of a man if you wear a skirt or less of a woman if you act more "masculine", and that doing either of those things doesn't effect who you are attracted to sexually. we want all of that, but the moment someone starts following what we said, and they claim to be straight, we immediately think they're lying or that in actuality they're secretly gay in some way.

i'm not saying you're doing that. i'm just saying this as someone who was closeted for years but had very out and proud gay friends. it's strange to me how we want straight ppl to see what we do as normal but the moment they start to adapt or act like us, we can't possibly believe they are straight.

like back when i was closeted, me and my ex best friend were really into this show called "queer as folk". she is/was bi and she never understood why i liked the show if i was straight. and i told her that i liked it just bc it was a good show and i thought it was interesting to see the early 2000s but from a queer prospective. then when i came out a couple years later, she was like "omg it makes so much more sense why you like all this gay stuff". which…… ngl, was embarrassing to hear her say.

also as a slight tangent, and not at all related to your ask, both her and another friend of ours said it was "uncomfortable" that i liked drag queens and drag race. mind you, i wasn't sexualizing or doing anything weird about drag queens. i literally would just watch drag race occasionally and talk about certain queens i liked. but neither one of them liked the idea of me liking drag queens and wanted me to explain to them why i liked them…… i was like "yall do realize i'm a theater kid right? it's basically theater, but just one person doing it." not to mention i've always wanted to be a performer, and it's just cool so like, why do i have to explain why i like it other than that??? i had a very weird friend group in hs that were all on tumblr back in 2010s, so if you understand where i'm coming from, you know sometimes it was really hard to be around them sometimes lol but anyways, i digress.

back to your ask: personally, i think colby is just comfortable with himself and his guy friends. i think him being comfortable in his sexuality and not being afraid to do "girly" things or act flirty with his guy friends is an attractive part of his personality. the gaybaiting he used to do back in the day was bad, that's for sure. he has apologized, removed, and stopped doing all the things that related to gaybaiting. but i understand it's not my apology to accept. i just don't see how he's still doing it tho. i'm a bit confused bc i haven't seen anything that would make me think he's pretending to be gay in some compacity in the hopes of benefitting and profiting off of us.

i think colby has just slowly grown more comfortable with himself. maybe that means later down the line he's not completely straight. maybe that means he realizes he is straight, but is fine flirting with his guy friends bc he's comfortable with them and himself and his sexuality. if colby was outright flirting with gay guys, but then being repulsed that they flirted back, then i would get thinking he's gaybaiting or is doing something wrong. but he doesn't do that.

at the end of the day, whether he's straight or bi or whatever, i just hope he's happy.

[sluttyten]

Okay speaking of boobs I have a weird question. I’m a virgin (so I’m not too knowledgeable about sexuality but I know enough) and I’m bi. I have a friend. We’ve been friends since middle school and are now 21 year olds. He’s gay tho. So just for some background~~

im so open about my boobs bc I was flat chested until I was 16 so now I’m just v happy w them. I’ve let my friends (including guy friends) see my boobs a few times. like if I needed an opinion on a nude or smth lol it all started when I sent 1 to the gc while tipsy and since then we just had no real boundary w that I guess. my friends are all either very progressive heteros or queer. But my one gay friend who is definitely into guys and has never expressed interest in girls (actually sometimes seems repulsed by vag) really likes my boobs. Like the most out of everyone. so sometimes he’s just like “can I see them” ? Or when he texted me and said he’s having a bad day and I joked saying I’ll snapchat him a boob pic and he seriously asked me to...so I’m just ? It’s become almost a normal part of our friendship over the past 8 months. Even in person. I’ve allowed him to touch my boobs (once without clothes and he was just really into it but it’s usually with clothing). Idk what he’s doing with the mental images or if he gets off or if this is just a platonic thing of his but whenever I joke and say he’s acting like a straight man he gets weird.

The last incident was almost a month ago. And I remember cus I got in an argument with the girl I’m currently talking to romantically about it. I cut down on it bc I really like this girl and even tho I am single I want to be respectful of her feelings. (I mean I might be offended if I knew ppl were touching her boobs so I want to consider her feelings). Anyways my friend had accidentally hit me in the chest lmao and I told him I was sore (on my cycle) and he said he’d massage them and he was serious but I said no. Bc idk that seemed too intimate. But when I brought it up to my “partner” she said that she didn’t find it funny and he seemed to be using me in a way. Which I never really looked at it that way bc he’s not attracted to women. Yeah this was all over the place I hope you don’t mind 😂

My question is like I don’t want to be -phobic by assuming his sexuality just based on that but also it’s effecting me lol and I’m fine with the whole thing if there was more like honesty and direction. but at the same time I don’t wanna be someone’s like hidden fetish or kink. The more I ask myself how I feel about it the more I’m like hmmm idk what he’s struggling with but it’s making our friendship awkward. I asked my other friend who’s a gay male the same thing and he found it extremely off putting. Which I kinda regret telling him bc I feel like he’s judging him a bit too much like it’s not something that’s a big deal bc he’s not pressuring or making me uncomfortable like I’ve been completely okay with it and it’s usually fun up until this point. I’m gonna look into it some more tho to figure out how to approach him about it.

I think your friend might not be as gay as he thinks he is if he likes your boobs so much, he might be no and struggling to come to terms with that or something

[seerofmike]

i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Thank you so much for answering my question! It is really kind of you. I have 2 more if it is not a bother: Do you know Haikyuu? I have seen lots of ships on your tumblr and considering what kinds of ships you like, Haikyuu has SO MANY potential for you. :) And the second question is, what do you think about Mikoto and Reisi from K? I only saw Sarumi posts, so I am curious.

Oh heHE, let’s start with k project. Honestly Sarumi is the only ship I care about in this anime, I mean every other couple there for me is very undeveloped for me. Sarumi is like true love shit, I wasn’t expecting them to even go there, and when Misaki said to him “I want you to have a real home you can come back to and that’s me” my jaw was on the floor. I mean, they’ve seen each other at their worst and still loved each other (honestly the whole Fushimi’s father storyline and Misaki holding him through it was just too much for my heart). So they’re the only romantic ship for me in this anime.

Mikoto... wasn’t he in love with that guy who he took into their clan to protect? Who was killed? The one who lalala played the guitar whatever was his name? And that’s why he didn’t want to live after that, only wanted revenge and then finita? No?

Red king and blue king did have a sexual tension in that lighting a cigarette scene, other than that... they just “fought” with each other lots and I don’t even see much relationships or like anything that would make them a good romantic couple. And even if I pretend  that they loved each other... Mikoto asked him to help him killing himself? That’s like assholishness level 200 to me. I never got this idea of asking your loved one to finish your ass... like bitch, maybe it sounds good for you but did your selfish ass think about how your other half is going to live with that? So that’s a huge no for me. 

But seriously I like don’t know what to look for there, I don’t see it. I hope he’s in heavens with that other guy, but also I don’t really care, cause Fushimi was like the only thing why I sat through the whole thing, cause lord that hour of watching that girls watermelons I could’ve spent more productive (like man I was trying not to fall asleep during some useless episodes, I don’t even know why and what for some characters were even there), BUT but it was all worth it, cause there is one character who was written so good and so complex and he’s so well done that I don’t even mind.

Now before I go to Haikyuu... I think my problem is that unlike many I don’t ship every bromance just bc it’s a good bromance. Because sometimes there are some great bromances but they give out like zero romantic vibes. For example, Stiles and Scott: would totally die for each other, hug each other a lot, have no problem with saying I love you, but they’re like best bros, there is nothing romantic there. Like Stiles can ask Danny or Scott if they find him attractive, but he would never ask Derek about this, you know what I mean? They’re like me and my sister.

So for me there is a huge difference between bro things and gay things (like I only partly joked while making that rinharu post). And some couples are clearly crossed that line in some weird moments. Because things like high fiving each other and hugging each other don’t make anyone gay. I don’t know if that makes sense for anybody else... but those who have siblings or bffs will get what I mean. 

Like classical example is Rin Matsuoka. When it come to Sousuke he easily writes him letters and calls him like I feel with my best friend. I can call anytime and be like “bro, I’ve missed you”. Cue the 3x03 weirdest scene when Rin misses Haru and is afraid to call and tell him that. That’s the proof here that they’re clearly something weird there, cause if they were just friends he would be like “hey, bro, missed you” which will never be the case here.

Or can you imagine Rin and Haru seeing each other and being like “yo man” and fist bumping and hitting each other? I’ll bet 1000$ that you can’t. Rin can hit Sousuke in the shins, and ruffle Nagisa’s hair, but Haru would never get this from him. And spoiler: it’s not cause he hates him xD

Also I think the easiest example is Kuroko. (and please, don’t think I’m judging ppl for shipping stuff, I mean to each their own, it’s just my opinion). It’s the anime where people ship everyone with everyone just because of hey... bromances, while in my opinion most of them have seriously nothing gay about them and most of them just do normal bro things. Like how can Kuroko and Kagami be seen as smth romantic I still don’t get. Or like Aomine and Kagami thing??? They are like freaking twins. Same with Kise and Kasamatsu, Midorima and Akashi ships and many others.

Like we see Kuroko and how he behaves with everyone. Firstly he was shadow for everybody: Kise, Aomine, Kagami and he was good with every one of them. Kuroko is a people’s person, he is caring, he thinks about others a lot, he cares about everyone including Haizaki who is an ass tbh, so it’s also nothing special (I mean that way you can ship him even with Kyoshi xD). Aomine is special for Kuroko bc he understands him the most on the field, Kise is his main rival, Kagami is his least problematic light, Murasakibara is his favorite as a person... etc, this way you can ship Kuroko with anyone. 

But... someone gets what none of them get. Like Kuroko never checked anybody out or said compliments... but he did think Akashi looked yummy in his kimono at the festival. Kuroko never told anybody a zillion words “it’s all because of you” speech... except for one person. None of them made his heart crack and cry rivers when they left him... except one. And I just loved how we get this with everyone:

And then suddenly this happens:

Lol okay, blue-shems. He gives him his food and asks questions about “who’s his type and his special one”, like... you know he doesn’t do that with anyone else. And Akashi is not his bestie. So yeah, explain this as “bromance”.

Same with Akashi. He forms the new team. He actually misses Kuroko so much that he goes and finds a copy of him. The ONLY GOM member he can’t go without and it’s proved after Kuroko asked him on the interview “who is the person you scared to lose the most” and Akashi answers “you.. it’s you, Kuroko”. Now... hold the horses. We all know that Midorima is his bestie, there’s no contest there, which brings us to the fact that he places Kuroko higher than his best friend which makes Kuroko his... what exactly? 

It’s just some things can’t be BRO things.

Like when you cover your eyes and going “dude, don’t show your package in public, zip it, no one wants to see that”, that’s what I’m like when I accidentally see my sister’s boob. That’s how Makoto behaves when he sees naked Nagisa and Haru who’s undressing.

Opposite to Rin oggling Haru half naked and Haru shaking before touching Rin. That’s clearly not how you feel about your “just friend”. Everyone who has bffs must confirm that they don’t get nervous about touching them or them touching you cause you’re comfortable with that. Does this make any sense? I hope, it does. I’m not very good at explaining.

Now about Haikyuu. Haha I’ve been avoiding this so much, cause I didn’t want ppl to throw stones at me. I’ve tried.. I really tried to watch it twice. Once I got to ep8, 2nd time I asked my sister to watch with me (cause it’s funnier that way, that’s how we got through durarara without dying xD) and I still gave up after ep14.

It’s not only just that I was bored and I thought it’s gonna get exciting but it didn’t (bc I’m more of an interesting characters > an interesting plot person), it’s just.. it was episode 14 and I didn’t even find any character who would interest me cause they were so cliche. Especially Hinata. He’s like that super typical main from what I called the “never give up it’s such a wonderful life” bunch that I really deeply respect, but kinda so very tired of them lol. But he’s also from the loud bunch.. and I think I still hear Asta’s voice sometimes, even though I’ve dropped Black Clover after ep10 like a year ago xD

Now I can’t make judgements about the whole thing cause I didn’t watch it, but from what I saw (I mean “shipping scenes” from tumblr) and asked from ppl who has seen the whole thing (one huge fan and another one - not a huge fan, my sister), I got the idea that this anime is more bromancy that romancy. And there are no couples there like “without you I have nothing to aim for and I want a future with you” or “you made my life a dream and you’re the light of my life and I’m scared to lose you the most” like there are in free or knb. 

Now my sister has finished it 4 months later and said that it was just okay. And I was like “okay, but what about ships?” because I’m willing to close my eyes on the plot of the ships are good. And she went “well... two mains, I guess” and she was so apathetic about it that I was like “If she who ships much more than me is like that then I won’t see anything there” xD

But... like if you have anything to say to convince me or interest me in it, I’m willing to listen. If you have smth that would make wanna try for the 3rd time, I’ll even record how did it go xD.

[renardsilencieux]

my life in 1129 words.

TW : acephobia, arophobia, drug use, anorexia, the process of queer self-identification and its hardship

        Sexual and romantic attraction is weird.

You grow up for 20-ish years thinking that love is only between a man and a woman, that they create an entity and boom, that’s what your life is supposed to be like. I’m making an exaggeration out of it, but basically, this is what a majority of the population has been told. 

I didn’t really have blinders that big, I was told about gay cismen when younger because one of my cousin was gay. 

To really be honest, I started to question myself when I was around 15-16 years old. It was the start of high school and I had been talking to this girl for a really long time. We were living almost 700 kilometers away from each other but she was saving my life. I don’t know if I ever had a crush on her, but she had one on me, and at that time, it was something I needed. It was a really toxic relationship but, to be honest, I only ever had toxic relationships in my life so far. 

I kissed someone for the first time, weeks before turning 23. Its not something I talk about openly to people, because,,, society expectations you know?

It was under influence, so that really is the number one reason I must have done it. But it was really great. Since then, I sometimes get the envy of wanting to kiss someone. When the kissing happened, it was nice but like,,,,, weird? I was into it but I didn’t wanna go further than that. The girl did want it, she told me, but she also knew I’m ace. So she didn’t push it, and it might also be the reason why I let it happen. Because I knew I was safe. 

I identify as aromantic and asexual since around January 2019. This is also the time I got to know that this kind of sexual and romantic attraction/sexuality existed. Before I used to identity myself as a bi ciswoman, but without any sexual/romantic attraction. I just knew gender didn’t matter to me and I could date anyone, regardless of what they identify as and what was between their legs (i was 15, alright). 

Knowing about the A part of the LGBTQIA+ changed my life. I had a breakdown for about a month, questioned myself pretty hard, thought I needed some help (therapy/meds) and even thought of fucking everything up. It was a really hard time. Looking back at it, I don’t really remember much of it, except the pain of it all. I cried a lot, I fell back into my anorexia habits, my self-confidence was nearing the -79920, I was living alone and cutting myself from the world. Anyway. 

I don’t really remember when I started to think « I’m ace. And I might also be aro ». Its all very blurred but I know that I first came out in march 2019. First to my queer group of friends, and then to my closest friends by a text (worst thing ever, don’t recommend). Its still a bit hard with them, they accept it while not understanding it. Its always a bit weird, more so when im talking to others people in a « flirty » way. I’m confusing my friends a lot. Anyway. That’s a « I need attention but don’t like when ppl are too close to me so I push them back but I need to find someone new to like me so they can give me attention again » problem for myself.

I wrote this long ass text to my friends so I could put my thoughts in words. About how I never find people sexually attractive, how I never wanted to be in a relationship, how I forced myself to go on dates, how sex involving another person repulses me, how I have never wanted anything that society was telling me I wanted/needed. This was the turning point. I realized I have never wanted anything that was on ads, in tv shows and movies, that my friends/relatives were living. 

When this realization come, and no one around you has ever talked to you about it, you question yourself. Or, at least, that’s what happened to me. Hence the breakdown part. Searching about it online, talking to some people, helped me. I can’t say I’m 100% ok with myself being aro-ace, but im starting to talk about it to other people. I’m not embracing it, how could I when I’m still hating myself for being that way?

Realizing that I was not heterosexual might have been easier. Coming out as bi also. Because it was becoming more normal at that time(what is normal, what normality are we talking about blabla). It was easier for me. I came out to my parents when I was in my senior high school year. They kinda knew it already, they just thought I was lesbian. Looking back at it makes me smile.  So far, they’ve really been accepting of me not fitting into the heteronormative bullshit. I’ve also been dropping some clues about me not being interested in relationships. They don’t understand it, like 95% of my people that are close and dear to me, but they understand that this is me. And they don’t push it. 

I’m really lucky. I notice it by writing this long paper. I always had people loving me for who I was, am, even when they can’t really understand and get me. They support me, they push me to be better, at recognizing my mistakes, my flaws but also my qualities. 

I know that I can never truly come out to my parents. I already know what they would tell me, and that would just be hurtful. I’ve found other ways to feel accepted : friends, social media, myself. Loving you for who you are is not easy everyday. But just trying can be enough sometimes.

I am aromantic and arosexual. I don’t ever want to be in a romantic relationship with someone, this doesn’t interest me. I am a sex-repulsed ace ciswoman. I like to cuddle, touch and play with peoples’ neck and knees. I don’t want to see someone private parts in a sex way. I don’t want to touch someone’s sex just like I don’t want them to touch mine. 

This might change. Gender, sexual and romantic attraction are on a spectrum. I never thought I would like to kiss someone. But a year and 2 months after identifying myself as ace, here I was. 

        Being queer is weird. Acknowledging it changed and saved my life. 

[yxcnghq-blog]

good fuckin yard my guys gals and non binary pals !! i’m admin c and this is my messy disaster gay problem child jooseok. below the cut you’re gonna find out a loT about his tragic ass and if you hit the like button if i haven’t already, i’ll hit you up for plotting !! i’ll give a few ideas of connections on the end of this too since i’m gonna update and redo his plot page sfngn bUT let it be known i also mun aurora, euchan and emrys so i may have also messaged you for plotting on one of those acc’s, if so don’t worry i will ensure to give you the chance to plot with all my babies !! without further ado: 

jooseok is the son of a mob family, they’re very well established in the criminal world. his parents are yeong dami and yeong joohyuk. however it is dami who actually runs the game and is the head bitch in charge shall we say, not to bring feminist agenda joo to life but as u can imagine due to this he has hella respect for women esp his mother bc of the strength he observed in her growing up. he thinks women are stronger and better at survival bc of learning through his ma and being trained by her. 

so he was raised of course in the family gang, raised in crime and never really knew any other way to live. when he reached seventeen he was initiated officially into the gang meaning his role became more full time and his responsibility became larger. he dropped out of college after his first two years there to accomodate for this and so his education wasn’t the finest but he was homeschooled for a long time before he got too old as the gang considered it and he no longer had time for it. plus he was of the belief he knew enough about how the world worked through the observation of the good and ugly alone. 

he does have a younger sister who he considers his entire world and he also has a brother of around the same age as him. the family dynamic is a little complex, he’d kill without hesitation for both his siblings despite the fact that his brother and himself often don’t agree or see eye to eye on anything, they bicker and give each other shit but they’d never turn their backs on each other. these are wanted connections i will eventually put on the list so they can be filled out also. 

he’s considered an infiltrator and a double agent as his main job titles for the gang so right now he works undercover in the police force helping the wrongly accused escape a life of jail time and prove their innocence when the justice system fails them. occasionally he’s put in charge of strategy too and he is very very respected within the gang for being the youngest and yet the most skilled who rose to his tasks very quickly for his age and became the best at what he does at an alarmingly quick rate, he’s actually pretty well known for having the reputation of being the youngest to climb the ranks and gain status like this. 

he could actually have been the boss of the gang with the amount of tasks and dirty work he takes on

HOWEVER...

jooseok has a huge secret and this is that recently he’s started attending college again and taken on night classes to study law and learn more about the police force so he can become a genuine crime detective. he is also undertaking training for the police force. 

the lifestyle and career of the police force has always been his dream and his goal but with his limited education it was never something he could achieve alongside his gang life. this is why he jumped at the chance to at least do something undercover with the police and despite playing dirty cop, use it to do something good, vigilante like if you will. 

joo can’t keep his secret forever though, his gang are getting wind of what’s going on and soon he’s going to have to go into hiding. despite the gang being his family, hits will be issued on him until he is eliminated and killed. simply put he is considered a traitor the minute he gives up gang life, and he knows far too much to simply be allowed to walk free possibly giving away all their secrets and intel. because it is a family business there are severe consequences for him turning away from what is considered his duty and responsibility.

joo = big be gay, do crime type energy. he’s abrasive and amoral but he’s also nurturing and naturally smart and talented at everything he puts his passion into. he’s resourceful and crazy adaptable and he’s equal parts a protector as much as he is a fighter. he can be broody and blunt but he can also be witty and hilarious with his dark sense of humor and somewhat messed up mind and moral code. if you’re considered close to jooseok then he’ll kill half the population of daegu easy with his own hands with no worries so long as you’re safe. 

he worked undercover in america for a year so he can speak english and went by the shortened name of jo over there but most people call him seok or ong in korea to shorten his name to a nickname. he’s fluent in his english, jooseok is well known for being a quick learner in every area if u know what i mean *side eyes*

can be a bit of a fuckboy but has a big heart deep down despite it all, just keeps it concealed because of past toxic relationships and the belief taught into him from early on that any attachment to anything you don’t owe it to, would only result in weakness and vulnerability. and you don’t want people to know you have weaknesses when you do what jooseok does. *coughs* for this reason he has had a lot of pining and unrequited love situations *coughs* 

he’s not that close with his parents, he keeps a strictly professional relationship with them mostly but his mum is his idol for her mentality and attitude to life. though he wishes he could achieve more than what she allowed for him to be a part of. wishes he could be normal. 

OTHER LIL HEADCANONS: 

joo joined the gang officially at seventeen when the initiation process took place and this was the time he met hyunjin ( @phyunjinn​ ) also known as his best friend and right hand man. they quickly became partners in the gang for everything, if joo had business to deal with especially the dangerous kind then nate would be by his side, acting as his protection for anyone who dared cross him and likewise he would give the same back. think kinda like alec and jace i guess as a good example with the whole parabatai bond aspect. they fight the best when they’re fighting together, and if one of them died, a huge piece of the other would die with them. 

at first joo actually refused to talk to nate cause he’s a lil shit and he didn’t get why it should be important but dami urged her son, pointing out they were of similar ages and being initiated at the same time and it was important to have someone he could talk to and rely on like that. so he sidled his way over eventually and pretty easily and nonplussed like made a best friend out of the other male. they grew to have a secret code of trust between them, joo learning sign language for the male to put him at ease and also ordering the rest of the gang did the same despite complaints he quickly shut that shit down arguing they needed to be able to communicate with nate in his way to ensure his safety faster if need ever be. ( but for him personally, he learnt because he wanted to be able to talk to nate in the way that comes most naturally to the male ) 

in college he’s considered a soft jock type, heart of gold but he’s very physically attractive and a bit of a heart throb and definitely considered sporty despite also being very musically driven. 

PLOT IDEAS: 

joo needs some college friends, musically talented people he can consider study buddies, he was actually almost an idol once when he nearly signed on with a company because of how musically talented he is as a producer and songwriter - typically he only writes for close friends and always ensures the lyrics feel truthful and genuine to his friend’s stories but yeah give me people he is encouraged by with that and just able to be himself with. 

friends from america potentially as well

other criminal underground kinda connections bc u know keeps business thriving to link up with other famously dangerous people and work together. 

i would so love a good cop,bad cop type thing where someone who he’s on the police force with or is also training to be in the police force with him is genuine and legit and knows he isn’t and is kinda like shunning tf outta him for it but also trying to teach him how to be better without even realizing it and sort of having their mind changed on how simple good and bad is bc actually there is kind of a grey area which joo belonged to. 

ex’s of course 

as much as i love friends who don’t know about joo’s other life, i’d also love some friends who did and were hella concerned bc like siren noises what is this boi doing he’s gonna get himself killed and does he even cAre bc he fuckin should

roomies plssss 

enemies and rivals are always welcome too maybe ppl who dislike him for turning away from the crime life and going straight or whatever rlly i also rlly like the idea of someone who sort of admired him and has a personal grudge bc he was so good at being a criminal and he made such a legacy and then he just abandoned it and they feel he wasted it or something

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[nerdgul]

The 'sex forced down the throats of society' thing is a misogyny deal, not related to sexuality. The second gay men are shown doing anything like HOLDING HANDS it's deemed 'too sexually inappropriate and disgusting'. The sex displayed in the media is meant to objectify women, not because 'everyone thinks sex is hot'.

Yes, there is a lot of overlap. Girls are objectified, but honey thats not the issues I’m talking about. Also it litterally is related to sexuality??? The objectification of women is heterocentric and this type of media also plays into the idea that being hetero is “the normal” and gay “wrong”. I’m talking at scociety makeing men feel broken for not thinking about sex constantly cause thats how theyre “suppose to be”. I’m talking about girls being told “its normal to not enjoy sex/it be painful. Just deal with it to keep him happy” when in reality this should never be the case. I’m talking about how its a super common thing in aces to think they must be “stright by default” even if theyre not attracted to anyone and how many go on to try it out and leave with a truamatic experience (not all but it happens). I’m also talking about how people who say they dont like/want sex are often assumed that they must be sexual assault victims because no “"normal” person would NOT wabt it right???I’m talking about how if you tell soemone your asexual a lot of first responces (other than “whats that?”) Is “youll like it one day”/“this is just a phase”/ (and worst of all wich is told to a lot of not stright ppl know) “finding the right person will ‘fix’ that”.Scociety tells you you NEED sex. That if youre not OBSESSED with it that soemthing WRONG with you. Scociety tells you that sex is the ULTIMATE SHOW OF LOVE the most intamate people can be and that you can’t have a romantic relationship without it. I tell my mom I’m not intrested in dateing anyone, you know what happens? She starts constantly badgering me about “dont you thing hes cute?”, “Let me set you up”, (and to add just another layer of homophobia) “are you secretly one of /them gays/”. I’m told constantly I need to find someone, I have had so many VERY UNCOMFORTABLE conversations with people who try to explain “What I’m missing” because “sex is so good how can anyone live without it!!!?!?!??!?!”. (Of course everyones experince is diffrent, im on the more sex repulsed side so this may not be something all aces relate to, but I know for me every other day feels like that fucking family holiday dinner where your great aunt or whoever the fuck os all “is there an x on yohr life???? Oh but why not!!???”) Wan me to keep going buddy becuse I have so many grivences with how scociety treats sex

[hoeranghae]

Okay i'm sorry to bother but can u explain to me why HOME is such a gay af song. I mean i 28299/% support it i guess i just don't see it? In the lyrics and stuff so ilcan u explain or link me somewhere bc i'm lost ksjsjs sorry to bother thanks❤️

Nonnie,,,I love you so much for sending me this ask bc I can be extra af, but aLSO how can you not see the gayness in this song skjfskgh  im really sorry for answering just now btw whoops

Okay so, let’s talk about the lyrics yeah? This is how I interpret them, so this is just my opinion but I know gay ppl like me will agree

Make a little conversationSo long I’ve been waitingTo let go of myself and feel aliveSo many nights I thought it overTold myself I kind of liked herBut there was something missing in her eyes

First we have these lyrics, they talk about how they try to convince themselves that they kinda like a girl, but there is something missing. Of course when you are gay and you start to discover your orientation, you might feel internalized homophobia, so like you try to convince yourself that you are straight because that’s ‘‘the normal thing’’ and that you have to like a person of your opposite gender at least a bit, but of course that ends up not good because you are just hiding yourself.I was stumbling, looking in the darkWith an empty heart

Then, we have these lyrics, the person feels lost and empty because they feel they are alone and no one can help them and they will always have to hide who they truly are or that no one feels like them.

But you say you feel the same

So then the person meets another person who is just like them and who feels just the same, so they start feeling valid and that it is okay to feel how you feel and to feel attracted to people no matter their gender/orientation/etc.

Could we ever be enough?Baby we could be enoughI feel that with these lyrics they mean like they are enough and their feelings are real and valid, and they don’t have to fake being something else because it’s okay to be who you are and that’s more than enough. And the person who they met is reassuring that.And it’s alrightCalling out for somebody to hold tonightWhen you’re lost, I’ll find the wayI’ll be your lightHere the lyrics talk about how it is okay to ask for help or opinions when you are confused about your orientation, or gender or anything. There will be people out there who will love to help you and try to figure out who you are.

You’ll never feel like you’re aloneI’ll make this feel like home.

These lyrics are the most important to me because once again, if you are part of the lgbtqiap+ community, most of the time when you are in a place where you don’t know a lot of people from that community you might feel very lonely and that no one will truly understand you. So it feels really nice if you have someone there who will support you and who you are no matter what (for example me and my partner, they are my home for multiple reasons but one of them is because they made me feel valid and loved)

So hot that I couldn’t take itWant to wake up and see your faceAnd remember how good it was being here last nightTo be honest I feel that with these lyrics the person is trying to say how good it feels to spend time with the other person because they don’t have to hide themselves and they feel safe around the other person.Still high with a little feelingI see the smile as it starts to creep inIt was there, I saw it in your eyes

These are other very important lyrics for me. Remember how at the beginning they use she/her pronouns, but now they use you instead of her. That’s something that honestly only people from the lgbtqiap+ community will understand. How it goes from ‘‘I should like this person because that’s what society tells me, even though I don’t even like them that much, but that’s the ‘right thing’’ to ‘‘I feel safe and everything that I always wanted to feel around you, and what it was missing with other people I could find it with you even if society thinks my love for you is wrong’’.

The change of pronouns is a very important thing specially because most songs by 1d are very gendered and heterosexual so knowing that this song has that big change is something that we shouldn’t sleep on.

This got long af but I’m not even sorry lmao. I hope this helped you to understand more about the song nonnie 💜

[unloneliest]

hi i don’t think pan ppl are transphobic, just because bi ppl can be attracted to 2+ genders and pan are attracted to all doesn’t mean pan ppl or bi ppl are transphobic. i deal w panphobic things anytime anyone mentions pansexuality and i really thought your blog would be safe from that. i'm pan and don’t use bi bc i recognize i'd be attracted to someone regardless of gender identity as long as i find them attractive (and this has nothing to do w seeing trans ppl as a dif gender), if they're 1/

this is a long post & i want ppl to have the option 2 skip it so i’m putting it under a readmore; above all else i’m so thankful that you sent me these asks and deeply sorry that i rb’d something that made you feel unsafe on my blog. i agree with you; i don’t think bi or pan people are inherently transphobic and i’m really sorry i implied that with that post!

2/ if they ID as demiboy or demigirl, or genderfluid or anything else that isn't binary, then i really don’t care. i'm not saying bi ppl can’t feel the same since i said bi people are attracted to 2+ genders or all, but pan is rooted in the emphasis of all gender identities. yes theres a lot of overlap but just... i'm hurt that you'd rb smth like that, i understand the last line of its root in transphobia but being gay/straight and so many other things have issues that clash w other LGBT+ IDs

3/ if anything, i've dealt with internalized panphobia and homophobia, i just never felt comfortable with saying i was bi, not because it was "boring" or "binary" but bc everyone would just assume i was attracted to guys and women which was never the case and saying i was pan allowed for me to show that i knew that there are more than 2 gender identities and that i was attracted to all of them

hi its the 3 pt ask anon and its like i completely get why bi ppl would be upset w pan ppl but its just so hard when both are oppressed and one of the most common arguments is like: we aren't seen so we have to be seen first before you try to get into this too. i get why biphobia exists but the same biphobia exists for pan ppl. so many ppl say you're just straight bc of a het relationship or you're just bi then. or the whole theres only two genders argument. and its like i'm as open to dating

5?/ anyone. i genuinely do not care about whichever gender they ID as since i just find ppl attractive for being attractive. and bi ppl can be the same. there is a LOT of overlap and i'm not going to dismiss any worries or concerns. all i know is that the pan community i've surrounded myself with to find love in my sexuality and community have constantly explained that theres overlap but it depends to the person and neither sexuality is transphobic so i try to never overstep or invalidate either

but thank you for listening, so many ppl just invalidate pan voices who try to put both bi and pan ppl into view while acknowledging how theres overlap but theres a difference. its hard feeling invalidating when all i (and others) do is be as inclusive as possible and try to never overstep. i listen to others worries like you do and i've learned so much from your blog and your rbs which i appreciate. it was just hard seeing panphobia & biphobia when i've tagged both to filter the words out

8?? sorry i lost count/ ty again for listening

hi and again just. thank you, for sending me these. i’ve privated the post for now, because i don’t want to hurt anybody but i also don’t want to avoid accountability 4 hurtful actions; i’d most like to delete the post but probably only will if you’re ok with that. and if i ever rb something that includes biphobia or panphobia i’ll do my best to always tag them.

and again i’m so sorry to have rb’d a hurtful post especially bc that runs so opposite to what i want to be doing with this blog & i know that when i’ve found something hurtful shared in spaces i viewed as safe it’s somehow hurt a lot worse than when i’ve encountered hurtful attitudes in places i was expecting it. 

in retrospect the phrasing on that post was Not kind, & didn’t convey the nuance i read into it. my baseline assumption of both bi and pan people is that neither group is inherently transphobic; both identities have extremely similar experiences and my perspective on different lgbtq+ identities in general is that our strength is in solidarity and isolating/separating can be really dangerous to the lgbtq+ community’s ability to thrive and work on making the world better and safer for us all. 

i’m really glad that you’ve found love and support within the pan community and i have all the respect and admiration in the world for my bi and pan siblings in the lgbtq+ community! being able to find folks who share your identity and to find pride in yourself together is so healing and important and i’m so glad for the times i’ve experienced that in my life as well. 

you’re right that all communities do have issues with transphobia, and i normally wouldn’t join in on other identity’s in-community conversations; i thought about that when reblogging the post earlier but i do my best to rb posts asking people to examine if their beliefs and identity might be formed on transphobic assumptions when it comes to all labels and that’s why i did originally rb. i do my best to rb a lot of posts asking wlw to examine potentially transphobic ideas they might hold, because i’m an afab nonbinary wlw and so regardless of the fact that i’m not cis, i have a lot more privilege than trans women do in wlw spaces and i know i need to be doing what i can to make wlw spaces safe for trans women & girls.

and the post i rb’d did just have pretty shitty & confrontational wording, which i didn’t think about when rb’ing it. i’m sorry again for that! 

my reasoning in rb’ing that post was the same as when i rb posts asking wlw to examine their views; not that everyone of the groups in question are inherently shitty in some way, but that we all could use reminders to reflect sometimes and that occasionally people will be misinformed or have a shitty view/shitty views - but that that’s not the norm. i also felt more ok rb’ing this post bc i for a very long time id’d as bi, and my attraction as a lesbian still is to women and nonbinary people who don’t feel misgendered by the attraction of a lesbian; some people would call me bi for that, but it’s a common lesbian experience. i really relate to what you said about choosing pan because it really clearly sends the message that you’re attracted to people regardless of gender, bc i chose lesbian as a label bc it sends the message that i’m Not attracted to men! it’s about how i want people to see me.

my reading of the post was connected to experiences i had with some pretty shitty transphobic ex coworkers; they didn’t know i wasn’t cis, but a number of my coworkers at the time were bi. transphobia/biphobia tw for the rest of this paragraph/ the ex coworkers were pan and they adamantly told me/other coworkers that bisexuality was attraction to men and women whereas pansexuality was attraction to men, women, and trans people. my assumption based off of them wasn’t that pan people are transphobic/that pan as an identity is inherently transphobic, but that they as individuals sucked and were transphobic & biphobic?

that experience does touch on what the post was about though, i think. since the bi manifesto written in 1990 “official” definitions of bisexuality have been stating that bi doesn’t just mean attraction to men and women, and that there are more than 2 genders; it’s society’s biphobia that causes people to think that bisexuality isn’t inherently inclusive of more than 2 genders/inherently inclusive of trans people. its clear to me that you know there’s overlap in the communities and that you’re not transphobic and again that’s my baseline assumption of pan or bi people! ik that stinkers are always the exception in communities.

i rb’d the post because i think self reflection on internalized bs is good, and i didn’t realize how confrontational & potentially shitty the post was; i’m really sorry that i rb’d it and made my blog feel unsafe & i’m going to do my best to be more thoughtful in the future. i hope that me sharing why i rb’d it doesn’t come across as an excuse, either; i’m just hoping knowing my intentions might help w/ the experience. 

(if ppl must know, link to the post here )

[infiniteglitterfall]

trans ppl iding more as ace than their cis counterparts really doesnt concern you? you really think it's just trans people being more asexual than cis people and not, you know, trans people being so violently repulsed by their own bodies they simply erase every single possible feeling of sexual attraction. like. asexuality is not a mental illness by any means! but you CANNOT be so dense that you simply write off the huge gap number between cis & trans ppl iding as ace w/o thinkin about dysphoria

The thing is, there are two major problems with the “what if these people are ace because of ________.” (Maybe more than two. But two off the top of my head.) 

First: WAY more trans people id as m-spec than cis people. Way way way way more, like roughly 50% of trans people according to the same study. As opposed to 4% of trans people identifying as ace, versus 1-2% of the general population. (It’s possible or even likely that 50% of everybody is m-spec, I suppose. But if they are, they certainly don’t know it -- or they’re not comfortable enough with it to say so in surveys.) 

In my experience, that can be partly because of gender stuff, sure. 

But a lot of it is because once you’ve taken the risk of facing one part of your identity, and finding out it’s not “normal,” you’re much more willing and able to do that again. Which is also true for trans aces, whether they start out as trans or as ace.

And a lot of it is because, once you identify as one of those things, you are WAY more likely to learn about the other(s), which makes you WAY more likely to realize that these other labels apply to you too. Whether you start out as a-spec/m-spec or as trans. You start being exposed to ideas and experiences that you might never have heard of otherwise, and that starts you on the road to figuring a lot of stuff out. 

So, no, I don’t think we can just assume that it’s because of dysphoria. 

Also, when I do hear trans people talk about being so violently repulsed by their own bodies that they’re repulsed by sex, I don’t generally hear them saying “and therefore I’m ace.”

 I’ve heard a fair number of people talk about that, and all of the ones I’ve heard have been like, “and I’m gay/bi/straight/pan and I really look forward to getting surgery and being comfortable enough in my body to explore sex again.” 

And second: this is what straight people have thrown at the rest of us for decades. Trans people STILL get “but what if you just feel repelled by your body ________ because of your sexual abuse?” 

And the new TERF push has been, “but autistic [boys these ass-hats think are girls] can’t/shouldn’t identify as trans, because it’s just that they don’t understand gender!” 

(That one is especially weird, BTW, because they’re specifically targeting AFAB people with it, which... doesn’t make sense to only do to AFAB people, and also, is the less-frequently-diagnosed assigned gender by a long shot? Although to be fair, TERFs don’t make sense, they just say shit that plays on people’s fears.) 

And lesbians have always gotten, “but what if you just feel repelled by men because of your sexual abuse?”

I have even heard the people on Loveline immediately, when someone calls in questioning whether they’re a lesbian or a bi woman, go, “When were you sexually abused?” And of course the person always has an answer, because sexual abuse (of both children and adults) is WAY too common. And then they are like “well, see, I knew you had been sexually abused because you think you’re a lesbian.” Or however they put that. 

(I don’t know if they still do that or if someone has managed to educate them, but it used to be their go-to Thing whenever the topic came up, ten years ago or so.) 

Honestly, one of the biggest gifts I’ve seen people get from the ace community on Tumblr is the message that it does not matter if what you are is tied in to your trauma or mental illness or neurodiversity. And that it does not matter if what you are changes. And that it does not matter if what you are doesn’t change, but your understanding of it and/or your language for it does. You are still valid; your identity is still valid. 

As a CSA survivor, I totally understand the concern of “but what IF it’s because of trauma? then doesn’t that mean it’s actually a problem, and don’t you want to fix it?” 

But also as someone who has been in recovery from CSA for 14 years, I know that not all effects of CSA are bad (which does! not! make! abuse!!!! okay!!!!!!!), and whether good or bad, not all effects are reversible. 

I am CERTAIN that there are people who would argue that I was trans because of sexual abuse. They could even be partially or completely right. How do I know why something that’s such an integral part of me is there? I don’t have a map to everything inside of me. 

But I do know that working on my abuse stuff really, really hard has not changed my gender. If anything, the more recovery I get, the more I am able to express it freely. 

And I do know that I love being trans. I love my gender, I love my community, I love the deeper insights into gender that my experiences give me, I love being able to use that knowledge to support others, I love being free of so much of the baggage around gender that I used to have and that a lot of cis people just live with permanently. 

I assume it’s the same for aces. If it were because of trauma? who cares? Work on your trauma no matter what, and accept yourself and what you are no matter what, even if it changes, and support others doing the same? 

That’s something we all have to go through, at least as a community. SO many bisexuals first thought they were gay. SO many gay people first thought they were bi. 

I mean, had to come out three times, first as lesbian, then as bi, and then as trans. And by the time I got it all figured out, I was like WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO I KEEP HAVING TO DO THIS? But it was also very positive in some ways to have experienced so many different communities and subcultures within our larger family.