#something tiny would always hurt me so bad. and obviously nobody understood because it was tiny and stupid

[crystalisopod]

I'm so grateful that my autism has sort of mellowed out as I aged, and that I'm less sensitive sensory-wise. because it's just so... I don't know, embarrassing? to think back on every meltdown.

it's embarrassing because everything hurt so badly, but it's not something I could talk about because it was all just mountains out of molehills. it's like having a breakdown and screaming over a paper cut, it's hard to even talk about without it sounding incredibly silly or making myself sound oversensitive and pathetic.

[oswinsdolma]

Yes, it's 2021, but I'm still not over the dark irony of Kilgharrah's final words, so I am going to analyse it, even though precisely nobody asked.

Firstly, Kilgharrah tells Merlin after his admission of failure that "all that [he has] dreamt of has come to pass". Now, obviously there is the irony of the fact that Arthur is dead, something that Merlin has been trying to prevent for the whole five seasons, yet the battle was victorious, people have seen magic as a force for good and Merlin can now be open about his gifts with his friends. However, there is an even deeper irony here that is rarely addressed, and this lies in the word "all". The problem is, that while Emrys is the entity that strives for magical inclusion and the one that fufils the prophecy. Destiny is not conscious: it doesn't understand life or death beyond the shallow ties of balance and mathematics. Yet Emrys may be a concept, and concepts need someone- or something- to take root in, and that someone happened to be Merlin.

Fundamentally, Merlin is not a bad person, but regardless of his power, his empathy, his loyalty, he is still unequivocally human. He has flaws, he has guilt, and no matter how dedicated he is to his destiny, there will always be other variables that come into play, and there is therefore no doubt that Merlin would have had other thoughts, no matter how insignificant, that lay opposed to his destiny.

Take when Freya died: Merlin was heartbroken, and in those seconds of emotion before reason took a hold once again, he may have wished, just for a moment, that Arthur and Freya's fates were reversed. And even after that, he would have hoped that one day, Arthur and Freya could live in a world where the other's existence is not a violation onto the other. And what place exists where harmony must ensue outside of the dead?

Then moving on to Balinor's death and Merlin's anguish in its aftermath: yes, he gained his powers as a dragonlord, but at the expense of a father he should have had a right to know. In that light, there is the inevitability of resentment for his gifts. Merlin would never have wanted the powers he attained had he known the price for them. And yet again, those tiny thoughts would have crept in: the wish that things could go differently, the wish that the business of dragons was not his to oversee, even at the time when his gifts were needed most. So the sick twist there is that when Merlin needed Kilgharrah, the only person who ever truly understood him despite their differences, left him alone, that wish came true.

There are hundreds of instances where Merlin's humanity prevented the prophecy from taking a favourable turn, and that, I think is what makes Merlin less a drama than a tragedy: there's the hope for a better ending combined with the constant prescence of an ending you don't want to believe. There's the fall at the ending and the warped sense of catharsis that comes with knowing that the end did come, even if it wasn't what you expected.

Following that, there is a pause in the conversation, as both characters take a second to mourn in silence, the absence of what united them showing them no longer as allies, but as friends.

Then: "no man, no matter how great, can know his destiny." This isn't so much something for Merlin to understand, but more something for the audience to hear: it's an echo of the first words we hear, and therefore a reminder that it is Kilgharrah who tells the story. Now this is an interesting narrative device in itself: why have him narrate rather than Arthur? Why Kilgharrah over Merlin or Gwen or Morgana? Take a second to imagine what it would have been like for the story to start with their voices, even if the words were the same. Especially when we know their endings, it gives the story a different tone and alludes to each of their fates in a different way. Though here is that terrible truth that the narrative comes back to every time if you analyse it far enough: each of the core four has a story, yet because of the way they were used, it will never be their story to tell. But Kilgharrah... He was just as important as the rest of them, but while the others were pawns, he was sat watching the game with a reluctant but omniescent eye, and that's what make that line hit so hard for us (aside from the fact that it is a taunting echo of the hope we had at the start). The story, while timeless, is dead, and we are all helpless spectators, hoping against hope that we are wrong about how it ends.

Furthermore, there is the fact that it is a repeat of the first words we hear when we still hold a little hope. It is that reiteration of the fact that the story will be told and retold, rewritten and loved but doomed to end in tragedy. It's an indication of the timelessness of certain tales and the permenence of endings no matter how much we want them to change, and it hits the mark every time.

Then, if it wasn't sad enough already, there is the final utterence of the phrase "once and future king". Kilgharrah says these words in hope, trusting Merlin to take it as a promise, but retrospectively there is the darkness of that line that Merlin probably knew all along, even if he didn't let himself believe it. In saying "once" rather than "now" right from the get-go, there was that quiet acknowledgement of an ending, even if it was followed by a beginning: it is yet another reminder to Merlin that he should have known, and that bittersweet reassurance that wherever he may have done, it would always have ended in disaster. Even if they both made all the right choices, the gods would have found another way to turn it down.

Okay, next let's look at "when Albion's need is greatest, Arthur will rise again". This, in all.effect, is a reiteration of the last phrase, made clearer for an audience who may need or desire reinforcement here so I'm not going to go too deep. But the thing is, Merlin already knows, at least in his heart, that it is Arthur's destiny to rise again and be the greatest king Albion has ever known. So when Kilgharrah says this, it is not a warning or a piece of advice, for perhaps the first time, it is a kindness. Merlin has been wrecked by his actions and those of all the others caught in the imperfect web spun and left to decay by the idea of Albion. It is a gentle reminder not to forget the reason for all that they have lost, and an olive branch of freedom for one who was so long enslaved.

And there again is that irony and cruel truth that while Merlin is the crucible in which that dream will be forged and has a certain autonomy over its nature, he is not a part of that dream himself, and maybe he never will be. Not unless someone lets him in, and all the people who would ever have done so are a breath too close to death for it to really count.

(I said I wasn't going to go too deep but I got carried away)(this is why my lit teacher is fed up with me)

And finally, the last line Kilgharrah says to us, perhaps the most powerful of them all: "the story that we have been a part of will live long in the minds of men". To analyse the words in this individually would be a rare insult to its complexity, but as a phrase, it evokes such an emotive response that it alone finally cements that finality in our minds. It's the cyclical acknowledgement of the audience's role in the narrative, simultaneously retracting and strengthening our suspension of belief. The one word I have used more than any other in this essay is "story" and this is why: the people who hear a tale such as this become just as important as the characters, because we are united by hope for the final chord but dreading it, because that means that the song will finally be over. Is it better for the embers to glow with tragedy or be extinguished by a deeper catharsis?

In summary, it is obvious to the naked eye that the Great Dragon's last words are loaded with meaning far beyond their initial appearance, and when you dive deeper, the web of connotations is so vast that this essay has barely scratched the surface. But the informal and perhaps most accurate theme that wa can draw from this is that none of us are over this show, no matter what we claim, because that ending really flippin' hurt, okay!?

[byeoltoyuki]

Release my heart ⇾ Ch.6

↳ Pairing: Jimin x You

❧ Genre : Fluff / Smut / angst / gang au

❧ Words: +7k

❧ Summary: Your world is turned upside down when your father decides to sell you to the infamous gang in order to pay his debts.

*

You always thought that Jimin’s room at their headquarters was nothing but amazing and huge. That was your thought until the incident and Jimin’s decision to bring you to his safe place that only few knew about. It shouldn’t have surprised you to find out that he owned a place of his own but it still did, especially considering how huge the place was.

His flat was not located among the richest district nor the poorest. In fact, Jimin lived in a residential district where what you considered as ‘normal people’ lived. It was only when he got you inside that you understood the trick. The flat he owned was huge, a duplex with big windows and black and white walls. It was spacious just like Jimin liked it.

He had showed you your way to a room with a bed big enough for four. He put the bags on the floor and then turned around to face you, smiling and yet you saw a glimpse of something else. Anger seemed likely or maybe it was something else entirely.

“This is our room.” He had said and you thought that you liked the sound of ‘our’ coming from his mouth.

There was only one thing that bothered you. How could he bring you out of the headquarters where eyes were everywhere and could watch you over? Taking you to his place was just too risky.

Jimin frowned at your silence. “What is it?”

“Are you sure?” You finally asked and took a step towards him.

“Sure of?”

You spread your arms widely, showing everything. “This. Us? You can’t keep me hidden forever and I sure as hell can’t stay locked in a flat for the rest of my life. Which means I’ll have to go out, eventually.”

“Obviously.”

This time you were the one to frown. How could he be so relaxed about it when your questions made sense? “Jimin, what you’re giving me right now is freedom. You do realize that?”

He did, obviously. He ruffled his hair and sighed. “And you do realize that since I consider you more than just a let’s say employee, I can’t keep you locked and believe me I wish I could so nobody could try and hurt you. But I can’t do that, can I now?” A tiny smile spread on his lips as he took the final step that separated you. He wrapped one arm around you while his hand reached your face, thumb stroking your lips. “It’s hard for me to trust someone outside of my family but I want to trust you, Y/N.”

“Well, talk about pressure.” You chuckled and bit gently at his thumb – his reaction was instant, his eyes moved straight to your mouth and you could easily imagine what was going through this pretty head. “I’m not running away; I really don’t want to.”

“Good.” He whispered more to himself than to you, relief washing over him. He brushed his lips softly against yours as if he was afraid it was just a dream and everything would crumble if he did more than that. “More than good actually.”

You could not stop yourself from melting in his arms. You pressed yourself harder against him, devouring his lips just as eagerly. “Can we just fuck now?”

Jimin laughed at your demand but complied eagerly, lifting you from the floor. “Always so bossy. I like it.”

*

“If I say I wish to see you every day wearing only my shirt, would you agree?” Jimin asked you as you were lazily laying on your stomach on the couch, your feet in the air, reading a book.

You turned your head to glance at him leaning against the door, arms crossed over his chest, hungry eyes on you. You smiled and winked playfully. “Can be arranged.” You knew exactly what he loved so much about his shirt on you. It wasn’t the fact that you wore his clothes. No, it had everything to do with the fact that you wore absolutely nothing under which was a nice invitation to him. And Jimin could absolutely not say no to such invitation.

Jimin chuckled at your reply. “Such a tease.” But he licked his lips and started walking towards you, eyes glued to your legs. “I will never get tired of the view.” He gave your bum a light slap that made you giggle.

“I’d be worried if you would.” You joked and shifted from your position, letting him space to sit on the couch.

He did and you hurried to claim your rightful place on his laps with your arms tightly wrapped around his neck. “Hi there.” You pecked his lips.

Jimin’s arms instantly circled your body and his hands found your butt, squeezing your flesh – you bit on your lips in response. “I missed it.”

“What? My butt?” You joked, “Or is it me on top of you?” You nibbled at his jaw playfully, pushing yourself harder against him to rile him up. Not like it was a hard thing to do, Jimin was always hard for you. This time was no exception.

“Y/N.” Jimin growled and squeezed your butt harder in warning but really, all he wanted was to be inside you.

“What?” You feigned innocent, lips latched on his skin, you made sure to leave a very nice red mark on his neck. “You said you missed it.”

“Just so you know, I’m trying to be reasonable.”

You snorted and took a look at him. “Reasonable? You? Please.”

Jimin’s grip around you tightened only to crush you against his chest so his chin could rest on top of your head. “Yes. You know I love your body and I will never say no to such a nice invitation, but,” Jimin didn’t know how to express himself without sounding like an idiot.

You pushed his chest lightly to check on him and god, you weren’t ready for the softness and pure concern in his eyes. Where did the bad, big wolf had gone? Your smile widened and you pecked his lips. “But what?”

“I don’t want you to think you’re another toy, another woman I can use and then throw away. Because I’m telling you it right now, Y/N, you’re not. I care for you. A lot.”

If someone had told you five months ago that you would found yourself with one of the most dangerous man in the country, listening to his confession, you would have laughed at the person and probably told them to check with a doctor. And yet.

Jimin’s confession melted your heart into puddle. You felt warm (and not only because you wanted him), light and ready to fight the world if it meant you could stay with this man. It was silly and some would probably worry for your sanity – you wanted him. You wanted Park Jimin, the guy who had changed your world, turned it upside down, only to capture your heart.

You couldn’t control it. You wrapped your arms tightly around his neck; your mouth claimed his lips, sealing a silent promise that you would stay with him, no matter what.

*

One moment you were sleeping peaceful, having a nice dream and then, one other moment you were being woken up by something wet – someone or something (because you didn’t think Jimin would lick your face) was licking eagerly your face. At first you thought it was your imagination; you pulled at the blanket to cover your face but then came another lick and then another – you cracked an eye open to see that no it was not a dream or your imagination.

A white fluffy ball of fur sat beside you, looking expectantly at you and once it noticed your eyes had finally opened, it let out the softest meow you had ever heard.

You sat on the bed, confused for a moment before noticing a small note laying just beside the kitten.

“Since I’m being often busy, I was scared you’d feel alone. I found him in the street and he looked too adorable not to bring him home. Name him (I believe it’s a he). See you later. – Jimin.”

You sniffed, holding back the tears. And here you thought he couldn’t get any sweater. You shook your head and quickly returned your attention to the little buddy waiting for you. You picked him up, smiling fondly. “So. What should I call you hm?”

*

One week only after you moving in with Jimin, Yoojin showed up at your doorstep which both took you off guard and made you incredibly happy. You were convinced Yoojin wasn’t part of the people Jimin considered family and she shouldn’t know this place but because of you, he went against his own rules. One more time he showed you how much he cared for you.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” You told her, excited to be finally reunited with her after the mess.

Yoojin whistled as she looked at every corner of the place, too curious to see what kind of place Jimin owned outside of the gang. “And I can’t believe Jimin lives in a decent place. I didn’t expect that.”

You could relate, you didn’t expect that either. “What did you expect?”

Yoojin pondered on the question for a short moment, fingers rubbing her chin before laughing. “Probably something extremely expensive and extravagant. But not that.” She spread her arms, “This is too cozy for him.”

You laughed and agreed on that.

After that you prepared a tray with food and drinks and put everything on the small table at the balcony. The air was still a little fresh with a cool breeze – you took two blankets and put it on you.

“I love this place.” You admit as a sigh of delight left your lips. It wasn’t the life you had chosen for yourself but honestly you found it hard to care when you were with Jimin or Yoojin. You missed your friends, but you believed that with time, you would manage to find a way to introduce them to Jimin without including them in the crazy life.

Yoojin inhaled loudly. “I do too.” Then she looked at you, smiling. “I’m glad Jimin told me to come.”

“How are things back there?” Not like you were too worried, but you couldn’t stop yourself from being curious. Jimin promised not to kill the idiot but Taehyung… You knew just how deeply he cared and wouldn’t listen no matter how much you tried to reason with him.

Yoojin’s smile turned into a wicked grin which was, you had to admit, quite terrifying. “As in you want to know about the douche who attacked you?”

“Yes. Did Taehyung killed him?”

Yoojin wiggled her brows playfully, “What do you think?” She expected you to know the answer.

And you did. You sighed in defeat and slumped further in your seat. “He killed him. Of course he did.”

“I don’t know the full details and from what I gathered, I don’t think I want to know either. But apparently, Taehyung made him pay badly before killing him.”

You shivered at the thought of what Taehyung could have possibly done to the man. ‘Poor man’ you almost said.

“But before dying, he made both Jimin and Taehyung anxious.” Yoojin admitted as she took a sip of her drink. “Maybe it was rubbish and just his way to try and save himself but in our field of work, you don’t want to mess up or things can get ugly.”

“What did he say?”

“He told them that they’re too proud and are going to pay for their arrogance.” Yoojin hummed at her drink in satisfaction. “That’s good.”

No wonder Jimin was spending more hours at the headquarters than with you (not like you were too worried, knowing his work). You were going to have another talk with him later.

“I like Jimin.” You said out of nowhere and Yoojin chocked on her drink.

She coughed and judged you from the sight. “No shit Sherlock, I haven’t noticed.”

You rolled your eyes at her and smiled nevertheless. Of course, she would react like that. “The point is, I love him enough to accept his life style. I want to stay with him.”

Yoojin was no longer laughing, instead a fond smile spread on her lips – she knew what you were trying to say and expected you to eventually say it. “Well then I guess I was right to write this down.” She handed you a piece of paper with an address. One look at Yoojin and you knew it was the headquarters’ address. “If you ever want to visit let’s say me or Taehyung or just to piss off Jimin – because let’s be honest he’s going to throw a fit if you suddenly show up and I’m so looking forward for it.”

“So violent.” But you agreed and clinked your glass with hers. “Cheers.”

*

Few days later you decided to use the address and pay some of your friends a visit. It was risky and you were probably going to have a fight with Jimin later but you knew him well enough to deal with his anger later. Moreover, who was he to refuse a nice lunch made by his oh so lovely girlfriend?

You

[11:45am] : Please tell me all the idiots are home.

Yoojin bae 💛

[11:45am] : Depends. Be more specific about the ‘idiots’ part.

You

[11:46am] : I don’t know, there’s too many to name. 🙃

Yoojin bae 💛

[11:46am]: You’re so lucky they can’t hear you.

Yoojin bae 💛

[11:47am] : But to answer your question, yes they are all here. They’re having a meeting.

You

[11:50am] : Good. I’m about to interrupt them then.

Yoojin bae 💛

[11:52am] : Go girl!

You smiled at Yoojin’s message, clearly someone was bored and wanted some fun. You put your phone (bless Jimin for agreeing to get you one just in case) back in your bag and with a determined step you got inside the building.

Some of the men you met in the halls recognized you; some were surprised to see you (you bet the whole building had heard about the attack), some not that much.

It was odd to be back. You expected to feel bad, to feel anxious about it but oddly enough you weren’t. Far from it. Maybe it was the fact that you were a free woman or the fact that you were under Jimin’s (not to mention Taehyung’s) protection.

You got to your destination without trouble and without being interrupted. You took a deep breath and pushed the door to the meeting room. Yoojin hadn’t lied, all of them were inside including Namjoon.

“Hi guys.”

All eyes were on you.

You smiled awkwardly at them as there were many foreign faces and all were staring at you. You quickly found Taehyung’s beaming face; at least someone was happy to see you – Jimin was scowling.

You winked playfully at Taehyung and only then your eyes fell upon Jimin. If there was one person who wouldn’t be extremely happy about your presence it would be obviously him but you forgot all about your fear of confrontation with him as you noticed his injured arm. Your eyes widened in shock and all trace of smile vanished from your face.

Without caring that so many people were staring at you, you got to Jimin’s side.

“The hell you’re-“ He started arguing, fuming from inside.

“The fuck happened to your arm?” You shout at him. You grabbed his arm too harshly (it was hard to control your strength when you were so worried and upset) making him hiss at you. You ignored his reaction considering he completely deserved it.

The wound didn’t seem too deep but it still looked painful and nasty. You bit on your lips to refrain yourself from making any harsh comment but truth to be told, all you could think about was that you wanted to murder someone.

“What happened?” You asked again without letting go of his arm. “Who did this?”

“Y/N, what are-“ Jimin tried again which was not the right thing to do with you – your grip on his arm tightened and he winced one more time in pain. “Bloody hell woman!”

“So this is the girlfriend?” You heard one of the men asking and it was only then that you remembered you were not alone in this room.

Embarrassed, you looked at them and let (to Jimin’s happiness) go of him arm. “Hi.”

If at first, you felt intimidated, you quickly found yourself relaxing as Taehyung was biting on his lips trying not to laugh at Jimin’s face who turned from angry to red with embarrassment. Namjoon was openly smiling, not even trying to hide his amusement.

Finally, you showed the bag you had been carrying. “Food?”

They all agreed all too happily.

*

It was nice meeting the other members of Jimin’s family. Despite their initial cold faces, it melted as soon as you told them about food. Men and food, a big love story. Jimin was the only grumpy one in the room but secretly you caught him stealing some food.

“Why did you come?” Jimin asked as you got home together, still obviously upset but not as much as he used to.

You spun around to face him, hands on your hips, you tried to look as intimidating as you could – it didn’t work. Jimin quirked a brow, amused at your attempt so just to annoy you he mirrored your action and put his hands on his hips.

“Jerk.” You huffed

“Shocking, I know.” He smiled and relaxed. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to get angry or make you feel unwelcomed.”

No matter how strong and fearful Jimin could look, you realized he cared a lot and maybe too much. You took a step towards him, cupped his face in your hands (trying not to squish his cheeks which was so damn tempting) and kissed him. “You worry too much, Jimin.”

“I-“

“Which I understand. But I’m not going to hide and especially not from your men. If I want this relationship, I can’t hide behind the safety of your flat.” You kissed him again, a soft brush of your lips against his that made him relax against you. “And I really want a relationship with you.”

“Thank god.” He muttered against your lips as he kissed you more fiercely this time, pouring all his feelings into the kiss.

Without a word, Jimin lifted you from the floor and you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, letting him carry you to your bedroom.

*

“You should tell her.” The moment you heard Jack telling this to Yoojin, you knew they were talking about you. Not like you were the main subject most of the time but it just made sense this time.

Eavesdropping wasn’t in your habits but just for this time, you stayed hidden in the corner, trying to gather as much information as you could before going to possible war.

“Jimin is stupid for keeping it a secret.” He added (which got you even more curious).

“Why me?” Yoojin face palmed, whining at the task Jack was giving her.

Jack raised a brow; it seemed pretty obvious to him why it should be Yoojin. “Because you’re her friend and she hate me.”

No matter how entertaining it was to see Jack desperate for help, you chose to come out and relieve him from his misery.

“I’m going to suppose you’re talking about me.” You said and as you pointed at Jack you quickly added, “And I don’t hate you.”

“Hey Y/N!” Yoojin smiled brightly at you.

“Don’t ‘hey me’.” Someone was trying to avoid the conversation but you were not going to let them just run away from you. “What is this all about? Jimin and secrets? My favorite kind of stories.”

Yoojin and Jack exchanged a glance that smelled like trouble to you.

Jack sighed in defeat and looked at you, looking apological. “You’re not going to like it.”

*

They were absolutely right. You didn’t like the story. Heck, you loathed it and it made you furious. The moment Suah’s name left Jack’s lips, you saw red.

“I’m going to kill him.” Was your first reaction. “No. Better, I’m going to first kill her and make him watch then I’ll deal with him.”

You were blood thirsty and were ready for a fight. To that Jack and Yoojin could only shudder. And just before you left, you swore you heard them saying something along the line ‘god, she sounds just like him.’.

How dare he.

Jimin should have known that being with you and still working with Suah was not the right thing to do. Business was business, yes, but he could find a more acceptable solution.

Annoyed, you halted in the hall. No, you didn’t want to go and pick a fight with Jimin. He was playing dirty and so would you. You turned around and headed straight to Taehyung’s room, hoping he was in there.

Luckily for you, he was.

“Y/N!” Taehyung wrapped you in his arms, squishing you against his body with so much strength you thought you were about to die. Hands still on your shoulders, Taehyung pushed you gently from him so he could properly look at you. He frowned, recognizing the anger behind your eyes. “Looks like you’re about to kill someone.”

And despite your anger, you chuckled. “Depends. Are you going to help me to hide the body?”

Taehyung whistled, impressed. “Now you speak like one of us.” He slid his hand along your arm before gently taking your hand and bringing it to his lips – he planted a soft kiss on your knuckles. “How may I help you?”

“How do you feel about pissing Jimin off?”

“Consider me intrigued.”

*

Jimin was not amused.

The party was filled with vain people (including his company), with discussions he would have loved to avoid. But he had no other choice but to agree to Namjoon’s plan and come since he and Taehyung were the best at charming people (and eventually tricking them).

Suah was another reason he was not amused. There was a time when he found her charming; there was something about her. But sadly, and just like the people in this room, she was vain. Beautiful from outside but ugly from inside and Jimin couldn’t ignore this part of her. Not anymore at least.

But what got Jimin’s mood straight from bored to upset was the sight of you stepping into the hall with Taehyung. It wasn’t because of the fact that Taehyung was the one escorting you or the fact that you wore a beautiful lacy red dress that made you look absolutely gorgeous, like a queen.

No, what bothered him the most was the fact that someone (and apparently it was Taehyung) thought it was a good idea to bring you to this party. A party that could possibly end in tears and blood.

He gritted his teeth, trying to keep his cool.

“Oh look who’s here.” Suah commented to Jimin’s dismay. She looked smug and too happy for his liking, making him regret bringing her with him.

“Apparently, you’re not the only man she’s interested in.” Suah faced Jimin, pushing him to snap.

He didn’t. He simply averted his eyes from you and Taehyung to look at her. “Shut up. For your own sake.”

Suah only laughed and took another sip of her drink.

If Jimin was not amused with your presence, then you were furious to see Suah so close to him. The wish to suddenly jump on her and possibly pull at her hair was very strong. But instead, you tightened your grip around Taehyung’s arm and put on your best smile and ignoring completely Jimin’s gaze.

“Maybe I should have checked my testament before coming here.” Taehyung joked as he leaned closer to you. “I think Jimin is going to murder me in my sleep.”

That was an understatement. “I don’t think he’s going to wait for you to sleep.”

Taehyung smiled, agreeing. He let go of your arm only to snatch two glasses of Champaign from a waiter and to hand one to you. “Then I should keep my guardian angel close to me in case something happens.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere.” You poked his chest playfully. But he was right, you would defend him if needed.

Taehyung stood before you making it easier for you to talk to him while observing Jimin from afar. It was a perfect strategy and oh how much it was worth it.

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?” Taehyung asked as he took a sip of his drink, feigning fear when in fact he was particularly amused with his whole plan.

You hid your smile in your glass, eyes darting back and forth between Taehyung and Jimin. “A solid seven, I’d say.”

Taehyung whistled, impressed. “Then, he’s doing much better than I thought.”

But maybe you were quick to jump to conclusion – Jimin was slowly walking towards you. “Oh, oh, he’s coming.”

Taehyung didn’t even flinch and instead spun around, standing right beside you, hand resting on your back (which obviously made Jimin only angrier judging by his frown).

“Nice suit, Jimin.” Taehyung welcomed him with a compliment.

And he didn’t lie. Jimin really looked good in his grey suit. He looked so good you could almost forget about your own resentment. Get a grip Y/N! You slapped yourself mentally and did your best to fake a happy smile. “Hi there.”

Jimin’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Taehyung, gaze growing darker with every passing seconds. “Watch where you’re putting your hand, Kim.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes at his open display of jealousy (a part of you rejoiced nevertheless but you couldn’t possibly admit it out loud).

Taehyung hummed, pretending to think about his request but then he pulled you closer to his side. “Why should I? She’s my date for the night, Park. If you wanted her to come with you, you should have asked.”

‘Instead of asking Suah’ you wanted to add but that would be admitting you were also jealous and you wouldn’t do him the honor. Jimin, however, seemed to understand the unspoken words either way; his eyes averted from Taehyung to you. You held his gaze, refusing to give in so easily.

Jimin chose, for once in his life, to be reasonable – he ran his fingers through his perfectly styled hair (your eyes followed his every move despite yourself) and sighed in defeat. “I knew you were up to something when I saw you this morning.” He shook his head at Taehyung but eventually a tiny smile spread on his face.

Taehyung smiled wickedly. “Always. But you’d be surprised.” He glanced at you – you recognized the look of a man about to spill your secrets. “But this pretty lady is the one who was up to something. Not me.”

“Oh, was she now?”

It was so tempting to just stuck your tongue at him, but that would be very childish of you, wouldn’t it? Instead, you kept your mouth shut, feigning to be completely disinterested with whatever he had to say.

From afar, you spotted Suah talking to a man you had never seen. Not like it was a big deal since she had been working for Jimin for a while (and obviously it wasn’t her first party with Jimin either). But something about the man just didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the tattoo peaking from under his sleeves or maybe it was because of how serious Suah looked while talking to him. Either way it smelled like trouble.

You just hadn’t realized how right you were.

“I’m going to leave you two alone for five minutes.” Taehyung announced. “Please, don’t start a war.”

You pinched his arm in response since you were almost glued to his side – Taehyung winced and hurried to get away from you. Jimin on the other hand took the chance to step closer to you.

“I honestly want to pick a fight with you,” Jimin started, he took your hand gently, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. “But more I look at you and less I remember why I was angry in the first place.”

Oh yes, Jimin was that good with turning your mind blank and making you forget about your anger. “I hate it.”

“What?” He said absently as his eyes were fixed on your hand.

“That you have so much power over me.”

That got his attention. He quirked a brow and raised his head to look at you. “Do I now?” His hand let go of yours and instead reached for your cheek, stroking it sweetly. “And do you know how much power you have over me?”

You had an answer on the tip of your tongue, so ready to flirt back, but the movement behind him got all of your attention instead.

You thought that nothing worse than being kidnapped and told you were sold could ever happen to you. Oh how wrong you were. Tonight, you found out that you still had a lot to lose. When you saw the man Suah was talking to earlier, starting heading towards you – you frowned. Not just because he was walking determined, straight and with a dark and dangerous glance in his eyes, but because of what he took out of his pocket.

A knife.

You didn’t think twice. In fact, you didn’t think at all, there was only one thing that mattered: Jimin. You grabbed him by the shoulders, so tightly he actually winced in both pain and surprise but before he could comprehend, you had already spun him around, shielding him with your body as you were fast enough to grab the knife with your bare hands.

It hurt. Like a bitch. It was a dumb move but you could hardly regret it when the man looked completely taken off guard, confused with a hint of fear. His plan had failed because of you and now he would face the consequence (and you hoped it was something along the line of ‘slow and painful death’). He tried to shake the knife which only deepened your wound, but you didn’t let go.

Jimin was fast to react and before the man could have a chance to escape, he was being pushed far away from you (with a nice punch from Jimin). With a blink of an eye Taehyung was back by your side, one arm tightly wrapped around you and with the other holding a gun.

All hell broke loose around you and despite everything, you couldn’t care less.

“Taehyung,” Jimin started, hands tightly wrapped around the man’s throat. “Take Y/N back home. I’ll see you later.”

A protest was at the tip of your tongue; you didn’t want to leave when things were getting out of hand but one glance from Jimin and you knew staying was not an option. Apparently, Taehyung agreed too.

“Don’t.” Taehyung whispered to you.

And you obeyed.

*

By the time Jimin got home, your hand was taken care and you didn’t feel like murdering someone. Obviously, the night was completely ruined (and all your plan of sweet revenge) and you feared what reckless decision Jimin could take because of it.

Surprisingly, he did nothing out of ordinary.

Jimin got home at two in the morning. You were slumped on the couch, waiting for him (and being anxious as hell).

For a while, you did nothing but stare at each other, or more like Jimin was intensely staring at your wounded hand, scowling deeply. No need to be a genius to know he wasn’t particularly happy with the outcome of the night.

Neither were you.

“You’re angry.” You were the first to break the silence, unable to bear it any longer, it was too stressing.

Jimin didn’t agree or deny it, he simply joined you by the couch, eyes still on your hand. He got on his knees and took your hand gently in between his. “I’m sorry.”

You blinked, confused. “What for?”

Jimin pressed his cheek against your hand as he looked at you, his eyes conveying all his feelings. “I should have known. I should have seen it coming.” He pressed his lips to your hand. “I’m sorry you got hurt because of me.”

“Don’t be silly.” You grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to the couch making it easier for you to hug him. “I’m glad I asked Taehyung to bring me with him. I don’t want to even imagine what could have happened if I wasn’t there.”

Jimin wrapped his arms around you, crushing you against his chest. You sighed in delight; it felt nice being in his arms after a long and stressing night.

“I’m going to protect you.” You announced proudly. It was silly but if you could help him out one way or another, you knew you would.

Jimin chuckled and you felt him relaxing against you.

He kissed your forehead and told you how lucky he was.

Damn right.

*

The next morning everybody gathered in the meeting room.

Jimin didn’t like the idea of leaving you alone, not after last night, but at least he comforted himself with the thought that you were safe at his place and hidden from his enemies. He didn’t get any sleep, he couldn’t. Not when you got hurt instead of him and under their watch. Not when because he was so blinded, he didn’t see Suah’s little game. All he could think about was his guilt but also the wish to take his revenge.

At first, nobody talked. Even Taehyung who usually would make some joke to ease the atmosphere, was calm. Too calm even. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

“This shouldn’t have happened.” Yoongi was the first to break the ice and purposely looked at Jimin. “How the hell did it come to this? How none of you noticed the little game this bitch was playing?” This time Yoongi looked at Taehyung too. Jimin might have be the leader of his business but Taehyung spent much time in the place too.

Jimin didn’t answer or tried to defend himself. A part of him couldn’t come up with any excuses and the other part was just too angry to care to answer.

Yoongi sighed; it was so tempting to push on with the subject, it had to be addressed but he also knew Jimin, nobody had the power to force him to talk when he was in this state.

“Fuck it.” Yoongi cursed under his breath.

“Suah isn’t the only problem. She didn’t know where our men were watching over us which means someone else had betrayed us." Jin stepped in, arms crossed over his chest as he eyed his friends, one by one until his gaze fell on a rather silent Namjoon. That was unusual.

Namjoon didn’t comment or try to blame Jimin for the disaster that happened last night. No, instead he was taping slowly his fingers on the table, lost in his thoughts.

"How’s Y/N?" Namjoon finally asked taking aback most with his question, Jimin included.

Jimin hesitated. "She’s fine."

Namjoon only nodded. "What about Suah and the man who tried to stab you?"

Jimin ruffled his hair in frustration. The only thought of Suah made his blood boil and wish he could go and smash her head instead of letting someone else do his job. "Hoseok is taking care of them.”

Jin feigned a shudder. “I almost feel bad for them.”

Jimin didn’t comment but in his opinion, whatever Hoseok was doing to them, was worth it.

“Speaking of the devil.” Yoongi said as Hoseok pushed the door to join them. “You look like shit.”

“Yeah, could have taken a shower at least.” Jin commented and pointed at Hoseok’s sleeves. “There’s some blood there.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes and pretended not hearing their comments. He sat on Jimin’s left and let a tired and long sigh. “Suah has been working for Red Lotus for a while.”

That got everybody’s attention.

“She has been gathering information, passing it to them. It explains how recently they had been a pain in the ass.” Hoseok explained. “The contract we’re supposed to sign in Tokyo? It’s a trap.”

“Fuck.” Taehyung groaned

“Well. I appreciate you found it out before I got there.” Jin thanked bitterly.

“So, how are we going to take our revenge?”

*

“They’re planning something.” Yoojin said as you were getting ready to go out. “And it’s going to be big and probably ugly.”

One week after the incident, Jimin had been absent longer than you both wished, busy with scheming and probably doing some dirty work you didn’t want to know about. But at least you got Yoojin.

“That bad?”

“Suah’s betrayal left a bitter taste.” Yoojin hesitated for a second. “Jimin is beating himself.”

“It’s not his fault.” There was nothing he could have done to prevent this situation. Suah was a good actress and managed to fool everybody. Not only Jimin.

“Maybe.” Yoojin bit on her lips as she thought about it. “Jimin was close to her, closer than the others. I get it why he’s beating himself.”

You found yourself wishing you could have seen Suah one last time, just so you could punch her in the face. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath and emptied your mind. Today was not about Jimin or Suah or any other problem, it was about you and Yoojin going out for a drink.

“Let’s go.”

The weather was absolutely gorgeous. Sunny, warm with a breeze – the perfect weather for a girls’ day.

“Turns out, Smith was right.” Yoojin however said as she held the door for you.

“Smith?”

“The idiot who attacked you.”

“Oh.”

“You look good, Yoojin.” A man’s voice interrupted you.

You froze right on the spot, startled at the man’s interruption. Yoojin’s paled by your side; hands curling into a fist, she had obviously recognized the person waiting for you.

“Such a pleasure to see you again.” He said proudly. By his side four other men, looking just as dangerous as him, were staring at you. “Though, I’m still disappointed that you chose to become their whore.”

You had absolutely no clue who those guys were you didn’t care. He was messing with your friend and openly insulting her as if there would be no consequences. It was unacceptable. “Shut your mouth.”

Judging by his frown, he didn’t expect you to snap at him – Yoojin pulled you behind her, shielding you with her body. Despite your annoyance, all the bells in your head rang in alarm. You were in danger.

He ignored your order and averted his eyes to Yoojin; his scowl vanished right away and instead he smirked. “How’s Johnny by the way?”

The little shit.

If it wasn’t for Yoojin blocking your way, you would have pounced at him to make him eat his tongue. Yoojin only tensed but didn’t more or fight back.

“What do you want, Andrew?” She asked instead, refusing to play his game.

The said Andrew sighed in disappointment. “You used to be fun.”

“You used to be a decent guy but you don’t see me complaining, do you?” She snapped back with ease. “What do you want?”

Andrew seemed to consider her question. Seeing her with you was not part of his plan and her presence altered slightly his goal. “Well, I was planning to kidnap the lady behind you.”

His confession (and honesty) sent shivers down your spine; you were indeed in danger and with no way out.

“But since you’re here, I think I can finally have my revenge.”

At his words, Yoojin grabbed your hand and gave it a meaningful squeeze. She wanted you to run, to try to get as far as possible from this place and to get help.

You averted your eyes from the man and looked instead at her hand. You couldn’t leave her behind, it was out of question.

“Oh. Now that’s cute.” Andrew commented as he understood the meaning behind your silent exchange. “You used to care only for yourself. Really cute.” But then, he pulled out his gun and pointed at Yoojin. “But really, do you think I’m going to let her leave?” His smile grew more and more wicked with every passing minutes.

He pulled the trigger and fired right at Yoojin and hit her arm. Everything happened so fast. One moment you were still thinking about how to get you both out and then the next a loud bang got you frozen on the spot. The bullet had hit Yoojin’s arm and the sight of blood terrified you.

“Y/N, right? In my opinion, if you want this lovely Yoojin to survive, you should do as I say.” Andrew was clearly having a blast with this whole situation; it amused him while it terrified the two of you.

Yoojin, despite the wound and the pain, snorted. “Don’t make me laugh. You sparing me? Y/N might believe it because she doesn’t know you, but I do and I know that your hands are itching to kill me.” Then, she looked at you, pleading you silently.

But you couldn’t. Whenever what Yoojin said about Andrew was true or not didn’t matter, you couldn’t abandon her.

“I can’t.” You whispered

“Then, should I make it easier for you?” Andrew suggested as once more he pointed his gun at Yoojin.

Your body acted on its own and with a blink of an eye you stood before Yoojin with arms spread widely, forcing the man to halt.

“Don’t.” Your voice sounded so weak and desperate. “If you kill her I won’t come with you.”

“And what will you do? Try to run?” He laughed, “Should I remind you that I have a gun and you don’t.”

“I still can run.” That was, without a doubt, a desperate attempt to save Yoojin. “You need me alive.”

Andrew paused and scratched his forehead with the tip of his gun. “True. But I never said that I needed you healthy and unharmed.”

And before you could think or react, he pulled once more the trigger.

[imbeccable-writes]

Becca just HOW did you come up with breaking Dot little by little in the last chapter? Her speech pattern, her loosing her confidence, questioning if other toons are bad I’m just kajsjsjs you left no part of her whole 😭 And then Marin obviously loves her but she’s so mistreated by the universe (as written by YOU aksjdhdbddj) that’s she can’t even comprehend love EVEN IF it’s right in front of her I’m just 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Because whoa the way you broke Yakko (and lots of people kajdhddj) with Mai’s felt like a feels bomb was detonated and it was so different from Dot’s slow erosion, but they both hurt so so sososososo much

skdjamdkak WELL, that's just how abuse is, you know? It whittles you down without you realizing it, and it's only via outside intervention that you see how messed up you're being treated is. In chapter 8, Dot had already been subject to abuse all her life, too, but it was a much different kind, so it made the abuse via Mommy and Sir all the more sneaky. The matrons had clearly never cared for her, or any of the kids, and the other orphans had been so annoyed with her in her first months there that she felt like their friendship was conditional on her being "good". And then comes along this loud, boisterous woman who saved her life and who took her in and gave her all these wonderful things- well, who cared if she was a little pushy? Who cared if she had high standards? Who cared if Dot felt like she was walking on eggshells every time she left her room? Mommy said she loved Dot and backed that statement up with presents and physical affection, and that was more than she ever got from her other caretakers. Can you really blame Dot, a poor, abused 7 year old, for latching onto the first tiny inkling of parental love she's received?

Of course she would brush aside the little things that made her slightly uncomfortable. "I can deal," she'd think. "It's better than dying in the cold outside." In her mind, how she's treated in the taxcollector's home is much, much better than how she was treated in the orphanage. So it's fine. Even when it gets bad, it's still fine, because she keeps telling herself she can deal, and it could be worse, and really, isn't it her own fault for not paying attention or not following the rules or for simply being different? She just had to try harder, be better, and then everything would be okay again.

She's gone from blaming her caretakers for being bad to blaming herself for being bad.

And by the time she's told, "This isn't okay," she can't comprehend it.

Because if it wasn't okay, why was she subjected to it for so long? Why did no one else say anything? Why was it happening in the first place?

No, surely it's something wrong with her. She's been dealing with this type of bad stuff all her life, so it has to be because of something she's done wrong. Nobody else has had it quite as bad as she has; even the other orphans had seemed happier than her, with their school friends and their companionship with each other, because as much as they might have been friends with her, they never understood her, and it left this disconnect between them that Dot had felt all her life. As horrible as it sounds, Dot was almost comfortable with the abuse, because she's known some type of it since she was two, and having someone else suddenly tell her "the way you've experienced life is wrong and bad and you need to change it" was terrifying.

Because change is scary. Especially for a little girl with nothing. It's why Marin leaving scared her. It's why the orphanage shutting down scared her. It's why being told the things she's brushed aside as things to live with should be cut from her life was scary.

Dot was used to settling with what she'd been given, after all, and being told she didn't actually have to do that just... didn't compute.

I've gotten off topic a little. I came up with it because exploring the affects of abuse is very interesting to me and I really wanted there to be consequences to the kids being split up. They each lived whole lives away from each other, very different, complex lives. When they do eventually meet up again, it's not going to be as if they never separated. Dot will still be abused, Yakko will still be traumatized, Wakko will still be naive and hopeful. It's going to be awkward and messy and they'll be happy, yes, but they'll also need to work at getting better. And that process is very interesting to me.

....

Now, if you're asking how I came up with having Dot be the one subjected to the horrible abuse as opposed to the other two, well....

Would you believe it was essentially luck of the draw?

ZKDJAKDJA okay, so back when I was first plotting stuff and I was trying to figure out the consequences of them being split up like they are, I remember wanting first and foremost Wakko to have the best time, because in the movie he's like a ray of hope, and I wanted to keep that. I wanted him to be the most well-adjusted and happy. But I didn't want all three kids to have similar lives because that wouldn't be very interesting. So obviously someone had to have a horrible time and someone had to be in the middle. And I remember thinking, oh everyone always puts Yakko through the ringer, why not Dot? So,,,,,,, yeah. I gave Yakko a wonderful mom who I then killed later on, and I gave Dot abusive caretakers and friends who don't understand her.

Anyway. Thanks so much for your questions PB!!! This was a lot of fun to talk about. If you want any more clarification on anything I mentioned, or any other questions about my thought processes with my writing choices, never hesitate to ask!!!

[recurring-polynya]

Apparently, if you send someone an ask, but then deactivate your Tumblr, the ask gets deleted. I got this from our old friend k-rukias, and fortunately, I already had it copied over, but anyway, that’s why this isn’t in the standard ask format. Anyway, k-rukias, I hope you’re still out there somewhere and there’s some way you can see this!

k-rukias asked:

you grasp byakuya’s character SO PERFECTLY it always makes me laugh out loud, especially your “Uncle B” stories. i’d love it if you could write more of the kuchiki-abarai family+ichika(maybe throw in some byakuya&toshiro being bffs) I SWEAR YOU DO THE DOMESTIC GENRE SO WELL one can tell you have kiddos 🥺💕

“Give Uncle Byakuya a big hug, Ichika,” Rukia instructed, stifling a yawn. “You’ll see him again on Saturday.” Despite the cheer in her voice, the second Ichika’s tiny face was buried in Byakuya’s chest, she shot her brother a thumbs up and a quizzical look.

Byakuya gave a very firm thumbs up in return. His inconsiderate adjutant was having yet another birthday, and Rukia had asked if they might hold a small family celebration at the manor this year. Byakuya wasn’t sure why. Surely the man would prefer not to see his commanding officer on his own birthday, but Byakuya loved his sister and had made the arrangements she requested.

Ichika finished rubbing her sticky cheeks all over the silk of his kimono. “Here, Uncle B,” she said, handing him a folded piece of paper. “It has to be just like this, okay?”

“Of course, my blossom,” he promised.

“No, it doesn’t,” Rukia mouthed to him behind Ichika’s back. “Okay, kiddo, you ready to go home and see if Daddy missed us?”

“I bet he fell asleep on the couch again!”

“We’ll find out! See you, Saturday, Brother!”

“Enjoy the rest of your evening, Sister,” Byakuya entreated her.

“If you have any questions, please call me,” she begged. “Or send a Hell Butterfly, or however you communicate with people these days.”

“I am very good at Text Messaging,” Byakuya assured her.

Rukia gave him an Extremely Disrespectful Look, which he tolerated, because she looked very much like Hisana when she made it.

“I will not have any questions.”

As his beloved sister and niece took their leave, he unfolded Ichika’s piece of paper.

He stared at it.

He had so many questions.

--

“I do appreciate that you texted before you came over,” Captain Hitsugaya informed him stonily. “But next time, could you text, like, more than a minute before you show up? Maybe wait for a reply?”

“Is now not a good time?” Byakuya asked. “Have I interrupted Squad 10 napping hours?”

“I just… would have picked up first,” Hitsugaya grumbled, trying to keep a stack of paper from falling off his desk. “And it’s always Squad 10 napping hours.”

Currently, Lieutenants Matsumoto and Kuna were sprawled out on the Squad 10 couches, snoring quite loudly.

“I have seen it worse in here,” Byakuya replied. “I am your,” he swallowed, “friend, and I accept your imperfections.”

Hitsugaya glowered at him. “What do you need?”

Byakuya spread Ichika’s instructions out on Hitsugaya’s desk. “Can you tell what this is?”

Hitsugaya’s eyes scanned the drawing: the lumpy creatures that might be rabbits, the crayon scribbles, the puddle of glitter. “Is this a test?”

“If it is, I am in danger of failing it,” Byakuya admitted.

“Ichika made this?” Hitsugaya guessed.

“I imagine the glitter gave it away.”

“Can’t you get Abarai to decipher it for you?”

“I cannot. I am hosting a ‘Surprise Birthday Party’ for him this weekend, and this represents Ichika’s vision of it. I need to identify the items in the picture so I can have them for the party.”

Hitsugaya nodded slowly. “Ah. These are probably balloons, then?”

Byakuya straightened up. “Balloons or lanterns? Or possibly the overhanging blooms of the wisteria?”

“You’re overthinking it. She’s five. It’s balloons. Can you ask Rukia?”

Byakuya’s mouth turned down at the corners. “Ichika’s art style bears a certain… resemblance to her mother’s. I am worried that if I ask for help…” he trailed off.

“Gotcha,” Hitsugaya replied brusquely. He sucked his teeth, and poked a finger at the page. “Well, this is obviously Abarai.”

“Yes, he is always distinguishable by virtue of the fact that she draws him three times as large as the rest of us.”

“Also, he’s the only one with pink hair and stripes,” Hitsugaya replied, raising an eyebrow. “Oversensitive, much?”

“I am only three inches shorter than he,” Byakuya grumbled. “The hair makes him look taller.”

“You are not getting any sympathy here, give it up,” Hitsugaya grumbled back. “He’s got a hat on, I think? A party hat?”

“Yes, I did get that far. We are all wearing hats.”

“Abarai also appears to either be wearing a lei, or he is in bankai.”

“A lei?”

“A flower necklace? We should have some around here, from the last time Matsumoto threw a luau.”

“Ah, thank you,” Byakuya replied. He had not actually expected Hitsugaya to be quite this helpful, and he wondered how he was going to repay the man’s patience in this matter.

“All this stuff on the table is… food, maybe? Gosh, I cannot tell what any of this is. These things look like fish, but they’re brown… taiyaki, maybe?”

“Oh, yes, I had figured that part out as well. Even I know that taiyaki is Abarai’s preferred celebratory food. I actually have a specially made mold--”

“You should make normal ones. Fish ones.”

“He likes Admiral Seaweed taiyaki.”

“It’s the man’s birthday, don’t make him pretend to like your weird taiyaki.”

“They have more crispy bits because of the arms and legs! He told me that specifically, in a complimentary manner!”

Hitsugaya gave him an Extremely Disrespectful Look. Unfortunately, the young man did not have the advantage of resembling Byakuya’s beautiful late wife.

--

Byakuya was distinctly Not Sure About This, but Hitsugaya had hit a wall and decided they needed to bring in ‘a bigger gun.’

Byakuya hadn’t actually set foot in the Squad 5 offices since Aizen’s departure. He didn’t have a lot of nice things to say about Aizen, generally, but at least the man had a classical taste in decor. Now, his former workspace more closely resembled the interior of an eclectic Living World coffee establishment for beatniks. One wall (but not the others) was painted orange, and covered in strange, stylized art that appeared to have been done by the captain and lieutenant themselves. The rug hurt his eyes. There was a beaded curtain.

“I don’t know why you thought I was going to have any insight on this, Shirou,” Lieutenant Hinamori grumped, squinting at the picture. “Renji’s the only one who can decipher these things.”

Byakuya could not help feeling the tiniest bit smug that he was not the only one who was sassed by his loved ones.

“Well, I figured you’d been to an Abarai birthday party or two,” Hitsugaya excused.

“Yeah,” Hinamori replied. “The grown-up ones. Unless this thing over here is supposed to be a tokkuri, and Captain and Lieutenant Kuchiki are arm wrestling, I can’t help you.” She frowned. “You’ve been to an Abarai birthday party, haven’t you?”

“They’re a little wild for my blood,” Hitsugaya excused. “And nobody likes drinking around their captain. I’ve been, but I usually leave before he starts bench-pressing people.”

“There are captains who come,” Momo pointed out. “And I doubt your presence would slow Matsumoto down, anyway, she’s impervious to that judgemental thing you do with your eyebrows.” She contemplated the paper. “What are these weird marks? Is this a speech bubble?”

“We couldn’t figure those out,” Hitsugaya admitted.

“Lemme take a look,” Captain Hirako, who was unfortunately present, announced. “Sometimes you gotta look at things from a different perspective.”

He turned the paper upside down. He turned it backwards. He turned it right side up, and turned his head sideways.

“I got nothing,” he replied. “Kid’s got good style though. And I think Momo may be onto something, actually. I went to Abarai’s last birthday party, and Kuchiki the Younger beat me at arm wrestling in an embarrassingly short amount of time.”

“It’s your noodle arms, sir,” Hinamori supplied. She stuck out her lower lip. “A different perspective, though, is not a bad idea. You know who you should go ask?”

Byakuya did not want to hear the answer.

--

“This is dango. This is katsudon. This is shaved ice.”

Byakuya was frantically taking notes.

“How… how can you tell?” Hitsugaya gaped.

Hachigou Nemuri regarded him with her serious, dark green eyes. “I have seen many of Abarai-chan’s drawings.”

Akon made a grumbling noise. “Abarai-chan’s drawing fuuuuu---udged up Nemu’s image recognition subroutines for months. I mean, it was a good thing, in the long run, I ended up implementing an entire art appreciation suite of dynamically created subroutines. It took me forever to figure out why she couldn’t recognize normal drawings of things, though.”

“What are these marks?” Byakuya asked, pointing to the funny squiggles hanging above everyone’s heads.

“Abarai-chan can’t write yet,” Nemu explained.

“Yes, I know that,” Byakuya replied.

“Writing is a form of communication that utilizes mutually understood symbols to convey an idea from one party to another,” Nemu recited. “Abarai-chan does not yet grasp the importance of a common dictionary in the delivery of information.”

Akon scratched his neck. “You’re saying Abarai-chan doesn’t know very many kana, so she just makes them up.”

“Correct,” Nemu agreed.

“Can you read them?” Hitsugaya asked hopefully.

“She does not employ a self-consistent character set.”

Byakuya and Hitsugaya’s eyes darted to Akon, who was unwrapping a piece of nicotine gum.

“She makes it up as she goes along,” he elaborated, cramming the gum in his mouth. “There is no translation.”

“Momo thought it might be a voice bubble, like in a cartoon,” Hitsugaya mused.

“Maybe it’s just a title to the piece,” Byakuya surmised. “Father’s Birthday Celebration’, for example.”

“Abarai-chan calls Lieutenant Abarai ‘Daddy’, not ‘Father’,” Nemu corrected.

“It was an example,” Byakuya bit off testily.

“This could be cherry shaved ice or strawberry shaved ice,” Nemu added hopefully. “Abarai-chan likes strawberry shaved ice, but I prefer cherry.”

“You are not attending this party,” Akon reminded her.

“I just thought Captain Kuchiki might be interested to know,” Nemu sniffed. “In case he felt like buying me a shaved ice. As a thank you for my services.”

--

Byakuya examined Ichika’s diagram and compared it to the celebratory items currently marring the beauty of his garden. He had the balloons. The hats. The dango. The taiyaki. Both strawberry and cherry shaved ice. “I think I have replicated everything,” he declared. “Have I missed anything?”

“You don’t have rabbit ears,” Hitsugaya replied dryly.

“The rabbit ears are symbolic,” Byakuya explained. “I am wearing the lei. You should put on a lei.”

“I am not putting on a lei. I am not in the picture at all, actually, so I think I should probably scram.”

“You could stay,” Byakuya replied, feeling a little odd about it.

Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t this a family thing?”

Byakuya blinked. “Family gatherings are large, mandatory, and unpleasant. This is a small party and I am very fond of the Abarai.”

Hitsugaya just stared at him.

Byakuya squirmed. “The fact is… I am not good at things like this.”

“Of course you are. Ichika adores you. Rukia and Renji do, too.”

A normal person would have wrinkled their nose, or sucked their teeth, but Byakuya wasn’t really into making facial expressions, so he just made his usual one and stared off into the middle distance briefly. “Hisana was very good with people. At these times, I often think about how easily she would host a birthday party for a brother-in-law, how natural she would have been with Ichika. She loved children.” He contemplated the drawing. “I am sure she would have interpreted this perfectly, text and all.”

Hitsugaya, who did make facial expressions, blew air out of his cheeks. “If it makes you feel better, I can stay.”

“I would, very much, appreciate it.”

Seike, Byakuya’s chief retainer, shuffled out onto the engawa. “Lord Kuchiki, the Abarai are here.”

“Please escort them out here,” Byakuya replied, plunking a hat on Captain Hitsugaya’s head, and one on his own.

“It’s so unusual for Uncle Byakuya to invite us over on a Saturday,” Byakuya could hear Rukia’s voice before he could see her. His impression was that the ‘surprise’ involved in this party was a figleaf for Ichika’s sake. Abarai was a fool, but he wasn’t an idiot.

“What is this?” Abarai exclaimed as he and his family stepped through the doorway, although he did a genuine double-take at Byakuya’s flower necklace.

Ichika’s face lit up as she took in the decorations, the food. But then her expression turned to dismay at her uncle, standing still and awkward. He had missed something. It was the text. It was important after all.

Hitsugaya’s elbow jammed into his ribs. “Surprise!” the younger captain yelled. A voice bubble! Of course!

“Surprise!” Byakuya added, belatedly.

“Happy Birthday!” they shouted together, with Rukia and Ichika joining in a beat later.

“Well, I’ll be!” Abarai did his best impression of a surprised person.

“Were you surprised, Daddy!” Ichika asked, jumping up and down and tugging on her father’s hand. “Were you?”

“I was very surprised,” Abarai reassured her.

“Why is Captain Hitsugaya here?” Rukia asked, utterly befuddled.

“I heard there was shaved ice,” Hitsugaya excused very quickly.

“Uncle B did all of it, Daddy, just for you! Isn’t it perfect?”

“Of course it is,” Abarai snorted. “If Uncle B did it, how could it be otherwise?”

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month 2020- Day 8

Day 8 -Funeral/Sleep is the Cousin of Death- Forever, for Eternity

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Mirror, Mirror -Part 4

Sasuke was looking at her with a weird expression, she in turn was stuck in place. Kiba opened the door to his house looking bored but he after noticing her he started smiling wide, he took a step forward and opened his arms like he was about to hug her. Before he could think about it Sasuke moved so he was between him and Hinata. He tried playing it cool like it was a simple mistake by nodding to Kiba and walking inside his house.

Hinata didn’t know why Sasuke did what he did but she was grateful; she was feeling weird after receiving all that information and wouldn’t have liked it if Kiba hugged her. Instead she smiled at him and followed Sasuke inside. Looking at the back of his neck made her want to cry, he was so close yet so far away; how was she even going to try to get closer to him?

“Let’s play some games guys” said Naruto as he and Kiba walked inside as well. Sasuke took a seat on the sofa and Hinata sat herself next to him as close as she could without it looking weird. The room was dimly lit by the tv on which the three boys were playing. They weren’t really talking so the only sounds were the shooting in the game which weren’t very loud. The sofa was comfortable, she was exhausted and the heath coming off of Sasuke in waves only made her feel drowsier. On instinct she moved even closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She didn’t even think about the action until he stiffened for a second. But he didn’t tell her to move so she didn’t.

She felt tense now, her heart was beating out of her chest. She almost regretted coming to Kiba’s house. Hinata wanted her other two friends to disappear she wanted to talk to Sasuke, hold his face in her hands and kiss him. To whisper her love against his lips. Hinata in her current life has never felt that way about anybody so the feeling was foreign but familiar at the same time. The memories felt like they were an old tale she heard rather than things she witnessed. The only thing that did feel real was Sasuke and her love.

“She fell asleep” Kiba whispered. Her eyes were indeed closed but she wasn’t sleeping; she was thinking and drifting in between sleep and awake.

“We should wake her up and take her home” Said Naruto; Hinata could sense the blond getting up; she half expected him to pick her up and move her to the car which is why Hinata opened her eyes. Naruto was indeed moving from his spot on the armchair towards her. She did not want him to touch her; she feared that touching someone else might make her memories go away. They came back when she touched Sasuke for the first time so they might go away.

“You’re up” Naruto smiled at her “It’s late and you’re tired obviously. Let us drive you home Hina” The Uzumaki had always been nice to her; he was one of the genuinely good people that exited in the world.

Hinata blinked her eyes a few more times pretending to rub the sleep away from her eyes but in reality, she just wanted to stay in that position next to Sasuke a few moments longer. She looked up at him and he was looking down at her. His black eyes looked red and his jaw was clenched. She had seen that look before; her husband’s eyes would flash red whenever she looked at him and took off her kimono.

Hinata from the past would pull the pins in her hair out as well and let her hair flow down her back; she’d walk towards where Sasuke was standing at the foot of the bed take his hands in hers and place them over her breasts. Her smile would be knowing and yet sweet. Sasuke refused to look at her naked body despite the heath in his gaze. They were yet to be married and Sasuke refused to break the traditions; the fact that he was in her room during the night was bad enough.

Sasuke looked at her in that moment, in Kiba’s living room; just as he did that time. He was holding himself back despite wanting to break free. Hinata almost moved to touch his face but Naruto talked and interrupted her thoughts.

“I’m sorry; I coerced you into coming not thinking about how tired you must be after work” The spell broke and Sasuke got up. “Let’s go” the Uchiha managed to squeeze those words thought his still clenched teeth.

The three waved to Kiba and walked out to the car. Naruto opened the door for her and she thanked her. She told Sasuke the way to her house; the drive wasn’t long since it was still in that neighborhood.

“Good night Hinata” Naruto said as she got out of the car; she smiled and waved at them but the car didn’t leave until she made it inside her apartment building. Once inside Hinata took the steps three at a time. Reaching her apartment, she ran to her room and picked up the mirror, mirror that now had much more value to her. After admiring it for a few moments longer she placed it on her nightstand just as gentle as she always did. The action made her smile. She used to do that a lot in her past life; Sasuke always laughed at her whenever he noticed how gentle she was with the mirror. With thoughts of her lover Hinata went to take a long shower before changing into her night gear.

Her thoughts kept circling back to Sasuke, to their children…she hadn’t thought about the two little angels before, it made her heart break. Would she ever see them again? The memory of their funeral, their tiny coffins filled her brain. Whenever she imagined them in the coffins, she never thought of them dead but rather sleeping. If she and Sasuke were to have children in this life would they be Hikari and Daisuke? Could she even name them that? Would it be like she was trying to replace the ones she lost? How did any of this work? Gosh the funeral was absolutely one of her worst memories. How she wanted to follow the people carrying their coffins; how she wanted to crawl into Sasuke’s so they could sleep forever together. Had she been buried next to them? Would she be able to find the cemetery they were buried in? Could she visit her children and pray for their peace and rest? Her beautiful babies were sleeping; that was all. They were sleeping.

What morbid and strange things to be wondering about; where you were buried in your last life. Had that been her only past life? Or were there others she couldn’t remember? By the way her brain kept spinning Hinata came to the conclusion that she might not be able to sleep at all that night so she went to her kitchen to eat some ice-cream and watch a movie, maybe try to push her thoughts to the side. Her bare feet made a pitter-patter sound on the hardwood floor of the living room. She did not reach the kitchen before there was a knock on her door.

Her eyes flew to the clock; it was past one in the morning already. She walked to the door and peeked through to see who was at her door. Her heart started beading faster; her feet were cold and her hands were shaking. Sasuke was on the other side. She hurried to open the door.

“We need to talk” Sasuke said and pushed his way into the apartment and closed the door.

They were alone, which was what she had wished for before, but she understood that Naruto and Kiba’s presence before had been a blessing in disguise. There was nobody there to stop her when her brain confused the present with the past; she was scared of what she was going to do.

Sasuke appeared to be in pain and that made her heart hurt in turn. He looked just like he did that summer day when they got married; his voice was the same, his skin was just as soft. The impulse to run to him and kiss him while tears ran down her face was too much for her to hold back so on shaky legs, she walked closer to him.

“Why did you come here?” she was in front of him when she asked that, his eyes weren’t harsh or pained anymore they looked tired.

“As I’ve said before we need to talk. I don’t know how to say this…” he looked over his shoulder to her couch. “Maybe we should sit down and talk?”

Seeing him shaken up made her feel brave. She smiled at him and took one of his hands and lead him thought the apartment but instead of going to the sofa she took him to her room.

“I think the living room would be better” His eyes were red again.

“I want to show you something before that” She said and let go of his hand. Sasuke was standing awkwardly in the middle of her room and she went to her nightstand to get the mirror. Would he know what it was? If he didn’t come here to tell her he remembered their life together she could simply say she bought the mirror and it had his name on it, what a weird coincidence right?

“The love of my life gave this to me a long time ago” Hinata told him and showed him the mirror. His expression was devastated.

“You remember” Sasuke whispered as he traced one rose with his finger.

“I do” She confirmed and took the mirror and put it back.

“I had hoped you wouldn’t.” He said coming behind her and hugging her. His lips were next to her ear “I had wished you didn’t” he kissed her temple.

“Why?” Hinata asked and turned around in his arms to look at him. Sasuke caressed her cheek with her thump and then ran it over her lower lip. He was slowly closing the gap between their lips when he started talking again.

“I didn’t want you to remember my death, our kids’ death. It’s not fair Hina” their lips were brushing over each other’s as he spoke “I can hear them screaming Hina, asking me to help them because their little bodies were burning and the buildings were falling around them. I remember the feeling of burning alive and only thinking ‘I hope she never sees us’” Both of her cheeks were wet by tears.

“You were all sleeping; never dead just resting your eyes for a moment” She whispered.

“Tell me love” his voice was lower.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me how you cried for us for a while and then moved on with your life and lived happily ever after” Sasuke was looking at her face but her eyes were closed. He placed a soft kiss on each of her eyelids. Hinata opened her eyes and shook her head, the smile on her face was a sad one.

“I cried for you for 2 weeks” Sasuke nodded “And then I killed myself” her confession was raw. Their whole conversation felt like it should not be happening; they should not be able to remember the horrors of their own deaths. Sasuke was right; it would have been better had they not remembered.

Sasuke made a pained noise in the back of his throat after hearing what she said. They were hugging and crying, mourning each other in their past life, mourning their life that was cut way too short, mourning their children.

“I’m sorry for the pain caused. But I’m here now, we’re both here now and we’ll be together forever. We’ll always find each other and end up together. We’ll spend the rest of eternity together or looking for each other.” Hinata nodded. They would, they could not live without each other; her suicide was proof of that, the fact that in her actual life she had never been interested in anybody before laying her eyes on Sasuke was proof of that, the mirror finding her and trying to force her to remember was proof of that. Their love would never die. It would only sleep from time to time before they’d meet again and it would be woken up, only to be more intense than ever before.

[imaginary-mochi]

Hello , just found your blog & omg your writing is so good ! 🤩 I also noticed the ask box is open , so may i request hcs of Law and Zoro finally confessing their love to their crush (after so much time of repressing feelings) ? i love my grumpy boys 😋

Zoro and Law confessing to their crush!

(After a LONG time of repressed feelings)

Owww, thank you so much for your kind words, support and of course writting material, comeback anytime soon (ㅅ´ ˘ `)~

Also this is some sort of hybrid between HC+Scenario so, I hope you don't mind... ;;

Ps: I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PUT UNDER THE CUT ON MOBILE, I'M SORRY. ;; And I've already tried to answer this ask but apparently it wasn't posted? Well, enjoy!

Zoro

Ok first of all, If Zoro confesses; it's NOT because of the overwhelming pressure he feels when he's in love, or the pressure his friends put on him to "make a move".

Zoro will confess to his crush even if it's just attraction, not necessarily "once in a life time" sort of love.

Like he knows he gets flustered and dorky around his crush, but he would rather laydown the facts as soon as possible so he would let them know, he's someone to consider. (Instead of just fooling around)

Honestly Zoro's life is embebed with so much instability that even tho it's the way he likes it, he's most likely to never accomplish it.

So, I think his confession (and if he has been holding it for a while) would come out of pure frustration, just stacked and bursted out of nowhere.

Either in a high risk/danger situation orrrrrr in a normal night.

First one is the classic cliché (but very understandable): His crush is in danger/injuried/threathen/kidnapped. He santorYEET those bad guys and goes on and on about how he feels powerless of thinking of them getting injured, that he cares for them and that, obviously, he's got feelings for them.

And the second (which I think would fit Zoro more, considering he's focused on the battlefield): On a peaceful dinner night at the Sunny. (Like why would they eat somewhere else they got the best cook ever?)

Everything would be charmingly cozy, warm and friendly; chatting and sharing food with everyone and his crush spending their time on their side.

From time to time, people would mischievously whisper or remark how adorable they look together... and those persons would get in return blushes and grunts from both of them.

Everything was perfect. Until, crush accidentaly cuts his finger with a knife.

Crush is holding his finger with a napkin, while Chopper is running to the other room to get that first aid kit. As soon as Zoro notices, something inside of him snaps.

"You cut yourself with that tiny knife? How... What? How are you ALWAYS so reckless doing things, like you don't have a care in the world!" His tone is tinted with anger and everyone is not sure why he's raising his voice so much.

"Excuse me, mister 'I sweat sharp things for a living', I can make mistakes too you know? also it's not a big deal, why are you yelling?"

"I am not yelling!" (He is) "You can't not always make mistakes. What do you think it's going to happen if it's something serious?"

"But it's not something serious..."

"I said what IF! What If nobody is around to help you, save you, aid you? What IF, someday you... You are gone? What would... What would... I..."

At this point everyone is silent (except Luffy he still eating lol) and they watch Zoro grab their crush by the hand and storm out of the kitchen.

After that it's just a mid-apology for what he said, but ends with him assuring them he meant it. For real.

Yeah, it's not a straight up "I love You, Date me" it's an unspoken thing between the two, his crush definitely understood that sign.

I'm not saying he's never gonna say it, after that silent commitment all that cute shit is happening.

So yeah, basically he didn't planned shit.

Law

LMAO Law wouldn't plan shit either.

First of all: If someone became Trafalgar Law crush to the point he has to accept his feelings... Who are you and what kind of witchcraft you pulled out with that one??

Types of crush for Trafalgar Law:

A)The type who can put him on a good mood when they are around.

B) The type that make him change things like his sleep, eat and work habits. (And that is like a whole other level)

This man is socially and emotionally awkward and at some point inept? He can be a sadistic prick but also he loves and treasures the people in his life dearly, he would die for someone he loves without second thoughts.

He can enjoy the benefits of having a type A crush, with the flirting, maybe casual dating/sex.

But if they have someone who is the other type of crush, he feels it like a deep punishment.

Once they get the power to influence his life he's DONE, he knows that means he feels love for real (and we know, he wouldn't let anyone just cross the border of his heart like that).

Honestly with the type A everything would be more easy-going and carefree, so much that if needed, he would easily part ways with them if they are in danger and comeback later. Second one is filled with his existential dread and his self-hate, he's convinced they are going to be harmed no matter what and the only way to avoid it is keeping them out of his life.

Once Law realized they got that type B crush, things become fragile all of the sudden.

He would scold, nag, get frustated or pissed more often and for longer periods of time. This mf is plain cold smh, only his crush take him out of this state but he returns to this vicious cicle quickly and usually it's triggered once again, by his crush.

He wants to end this feeling of insecurity, of fear. After some consideration he would ask them to join him in his room and as soon they are alone, straight up tell them to end this "thing" between the two. To leave him alone. (A futile struggle against his desires to make them stay away from him and the danger in his life)

He's convinced it's for the best and it's so overwhelming for him just realizing all the sudden he does not truly want them away, so much, to the point he can't lock eyes with them because if they cry, he could not forgive himself for being the one hurting them all along.

When their crush ask about elaborating on that "thing", he replies with: "This thing. This unspoked thing. The flirtling, the small gifts we give eachother, all the nagging I get for being reckless or my sense of humor, the tea you've brought me in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, how you feel warmth when you touch me, your laugh drilling my head, my soul."

Shit (as always) goes sideways. If their crush reciprocates those feelings garanteed they are staying by his side and they will work hard, together, to ease his burden. (Yes they took this whole scene as his confession lmao)

Law's mind is split: One is filled with joy and acceptance and the other is all that messed up fears. A relationship with Law can be rocky and harsh sometimes, but the love in it is true. Whatever the outcome is, you bet your life Law's gonna fiercely protect their partner to death and beyond.

[mimiplaysgames]

Strength to Protect the Things That Matter (Ch. 17)

Pairing: Terra/Aqua (eventually) Rating: T Other characters: Master Eraqus, Riku, Sora, Kairi, Xehanort Word Count: 11,596 In-progress

Summary: Terra has prayed for years for relief from having no one to talk to in the dark, except with the monster of a man who stole his life. He gets his chance - less than a week - to set things right before he loses everything again.

AO3          FF.net

A/N: This is an 11k behemoth, omg! I had more planned for this chapter, but I can’t fit more. Despite that I have already announced how the rest will be laid out and when this fic will finish, I had to split this one. Instead of one transitionary chapter, you guys will get two. This part is the Destiny Trio fluff (kind of). I’ve pretty much accepted that the way I write fluff is just my style. The next chapter will be the Final Fantasy part, and it’s really weird to end this chapter differently than the rest. But I really do hope that it’s enjoyable at the very least!

Vacation

The park was small. Terra sat on a bench where the grass met the sidewalk, where an endless sea of grey and otherwise colorless skyscrapers surrounded the little patch of green. From there, he watched the other children play kickball. His cheeks, arms, and abdomen still hurt from earlier, and his bruises were still a vibrant purple. He reached for the bandage on his face, which covered a scratch he received when he was pushed into the dirt and had grazed a rock.

One of the kids kicked the ball and it flew his direction. He scurried over to pick it up, and was quick to throw it back. There he stood, waiting to see if this small interaction would lead to an invitation to join the game. 

But children were either mean or didn’t know what to do with someone like him, and that invitation never came. This meant that he wasn’t wanted, so he sat back on the bench and continued to observe.

Of course, the exact adult who had scolded him earlier for his behavior was the one who noticed that he was all by himself. The organizer of the orphanage, who also taught the children, approached to sit down next to him.

“You don’t want to play?” she asked, her eyes hidden behind glasses and incredibly long blonde hair, where only half of it was tied upward in a bun. She wore a bright orange dress, so that anyone could find her if they needed.

Of course he wanted to play. It was just hard to deal with the humiliation. Besides, no one wanted to play with him. “No, Miss Quistis.”

She stroked his hair and pursed her lips. “I’m so sorry, Terra, that you feel this way. But you know it isn’t right to punish the other boys.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His voice was small and high-pitched, and he stared at the grass. The other kids would probably spread rumors over what they were talking about right now.

“I have allowed you to come out and play because I know you thought you were doing the right thing,” she said, trying to catch his gaze by leaning forward. She patted his head. “I think it would be good for you to open up a little to the others. I’m sorry if today was embarrassing for you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She continued to sit there until she finally let go, sighing as she headed off. She would probably say to the other staff members that she didn’t know what to do with him... It was something he heard her say before.

Terra kicked some rocks that were peacefully laying there in front of him. When he got bored of waiting for anyone else to talk to him, he scanned the perimeter for the man who would pass by. 

Every day this week it seemed, there was a peculiar man wearing a white robe who walked by the park during recess. He definitely dressed funny. All the kids spoke to themselves about why this stupid-looking man was dressed that way and wondered what he was doing. Some of the kids said he was a homeless loony. Others said he might be a wizard. 

If anything, the man was nice. He always smiled and waved at the children who would catch him walking by.

But he didn’t come today. Terra skipped over to the tree right next to the bench. If he climbed it, he would be able to see a bit further down the streets that weren’t blocked by any of the dull skyscrapers. Maybe he could see which of the kids were cheaters. 

Except he couldn’t reach the lowest branch.

A man’s voice behind him spoke. “That’s a mighty tall tree for you, isn’t it?” 

He turned and found himself facing the funnily-dressed man. Up this close, he was certainly tall, and Terra noticed a deep, dark scar across his face. Maybe he was a bad guy. He was a stranger after all, and all of the adults thought that strangers kidnapped children. 

But how could he know which ones he should talk to and which ones he shouldn’t? Miss Quistis also wanted him to open up to others. Maybe this man was a mighty warrior and was really cool. Who else had scars like that?

“Mister, why do you have a scar on your face?” Terra asked.

The man chuckled and touched his cheek, then pointed to the bandage on the little boy’s face. “You seem to have one, too.”

“Well Kain and Cecil were fighting over who was going to be captain and they are supposed to be friends,” Terra said with multiple breaths as he seamlessly went through each word, smoothing his r’s so they sounded like w’s. “The rules say that no one is allowed to fight, so I told them that they were stupid and breaking the rules, but because they are older, they pushed me and kicked me. Nobody helped me neither. They don’t listen when the grown-ups say that you should take care of your friends.”

The man laughed through his nose, and kneeled behind the tree to meet Terra face-to-face. “I also fought with a dear friend of mine. That is how I got this scar. He was supposed to be like my older brother, and what hurt worse than the scar was losing someone like him from my life.”

“You should tell him he’s being dumb.”

The man laughed out loud. “You obviously care very much about the deeper bonds that friends have the ability to create.”

“I guess so.” He rubbed his arm and rocked his hips side-to-side. “I wish friends could stay friends forever. If I had friends, I would make them feel safe.”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Terra.”

“Hello, Terra. My name is Eraqus.”

“Era- um...”

“It’s alright, I couldn’t tell you how my mother came up with that name.” The man smiled. “I think you have a strong heart, Terra, and that makes you special. Can you keep a secret?”

No one had ever included him in any of those coveted secrets before, where groups of kids would share a connection that no one else was allowed to enter. You had to be good enough to be part of one. 

“I can!”

“Well, don’t tell anyone, but I can cast magic.”

Terra’s eyes widened and his mouth gaped. “You’re a wizard.”

The man laughed, his teeth showing behind his bushy mustache. “Not quite. But I help people with my magic.”

“So you’re a hero?”

“Something like that. Are you happy here, Terra?”

He remembered where he was, standing by a tree in a tiny park surrounded by tall buildings, where the grass was the only proof of color in the miles around him. The other children were still playing kickball, and Miss Quistis was tending to a little girl who had fallen over.

“Miss Quistis is nice,” he said. “She takes care of us, and she makes us good food when she cooks. She plays with us, too.”

“Well, I am starting a school to teach my craft of magic to very special children, like yourself. You will be able to help people. Would you like to be my student?”

Terra had always wondered if he would ever see the day when he would leave. He was told only good children who behaved well would get adopted. He saw many children leave, and the friends they left behind were sad to see them gone. Still, the adults told him that children with parents were loved. That they had what was called a home to go to every night, and they got lots of presents for their birthdays. It was always better to have parents.

“Does that mean I’ll get adopted?” Terra asked, his voice quiet.

Eraqus smiled and ruffled through the boy’s hair. “Yes, it does.”

Terra stared for a moment, his deep blue eyes wide. Most children would be jumping with joy, but this was a surprise and most likely a dream. He nodded a little, half-believing that today was finally the day.

“You’ll be my eyes. Is anyone looking this way?” Eraqus said.

Terra quickly glanced around the tree. The kids were busy with their game. Miss Quistis was holding the hand of the little girl, who was now crying. She was trying to catch the attention of one of the other children who might have accidentally pushed the girl over.

“Nope!”

“Then let me show you what I can do.” Eraqus raised his hand, and in swirls of light which felt warm in the air, what looked like a giant key appeared, surrounded by sparkles. He then positioned the hilt toward Terra, and spoke words of initiation as though it was a spell, none of which Terra understood. 

But that key was definitely magical, and it was definitely special. When prompted, he touched it. Then it disappeared.

“You’ll be able to able cast magic as long as you are able to keep this a secret. You don’t want that to wear off, do you?“

Terra giggled. “I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“Good, I’m counting on you.”

Eraqus ruffled through Terra’s hair one more time before getting up and crossing the park to where Miss Quistis was standing. The other children took notice and all gathered together to stare at him. Terra followed close by, and Eraqus soon introduced himself and expressed his interest in the adoption, and Miss Quistis gestured for Terra to come at her side. She placed her hand gently over his head and told the other kids to allow him to play with them.

The two adults were left talking among themselves. Terra had heard it before countless times with other possible candidates who were initially interested in him, and knew exactly what she would be saying to Eraqus. 

That there would be extensive background checks. That Terra lacked a little bit of discipline. That Eraqus would need to visit him multiple times so that they can be observed to see if they got along, and if the boy felt safe. 

But he was determined to keep the magic key the most secretive secret ever. He was determined to make sure that he could earn this new home. Some of the other kids sneered that such a weird man would be interested in such a weird kid. But that didn’t matter anymore. He had what it took to be a good student and he was going to get a father. Soon, he would leave this place as the happiest child in existence, even if none of the other kids cared if he left.

“How old were you when you met him?” Riku walks alongside him while fiddling with a twig, their feet digging deep into the sand as the ocean waves gently swayed into the beach. Sora and Kairi are far ahead of them, engaged in their own conversation.

“Six.” There is the tiniest of smiles on Terra’s face, and he adjust Aqua’s Keyblade which is now strapped across his back. The morning is bright, and while it is early the atmosphere is incredibly humid, making the temperature seem hotter than it should be.

Riku chuckles and tosses the twig into the sand. “I was about the same age when you came here and changed my whole life.” There is a teasing kind of sneer to his tone, as if he is half-way embarrassed to admit it.

“I remember a little boy who wanted the power and strength necessary to protect what mattered to him. Like his friends.” Terra sees the dock ahead, where he fatefully landed in this world many years ago. “I noticed there was something about you, some strong light.”

“Really?” Riku doesn’t sound prideful, just surprised. Despite being a Master, it’s clear that he keeps a sense of humility when it comes to deeply personal assessments. “You saw, what, light shining out of me or something?”

“No, it was a sensation. I did see... maybe a vision of you as older? I knew on some level that you were meant to have the Keyblade, so I performed the ceremony.”

“Is that normal for you? Visions?”

Terra chuckles. It isn’t like he often speaks about them, even to Aqua. “It happens rarely, but it happens.” He pauses for a moment as he sways his arms back and forth. “It was my intention to visit you several times so that I could train you, actually.”

“I would have liked that, it’s a shame.”

Yes it is. Terra has always wished that he can give the same kind of care and attention to another child out there in need of some magic and hope. To be a teacher and raise a family, just like how his Master has saved all three of them. It shouldn’t have been that Riku was left alone all those years.

His shoulders are tense and he shakes off his nerves with a sharp breath. “You know, traditionally only a Master can do the bequeathing ceremony.”

The two of them stop just under the dock and Riku places his hands on his hips. “Huh, that certainly says a lot about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe you have what it takes to be a Master.” He shrugs his shoulders. “After everything you’ve been through and seeing the way you fight, I don’t really think I can see you as anything else.”

Terra smiles for a little bit, twisting his lips and bowing his head as he tries to control his reaction to such an undeserved compliment, wondering what Master Eraqus would think. 

Riku nods, as if to stand behind his statement.

“Hey,” Sora calls out to them from afar, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Terra, what’s taking you so long? C’mon, the cave is right here.”

Riku leans over and lets out a mock-contemptuous snort. “Look at him, calling just your name. You might as well stand here all by yourself.” He walks ahead anyway, leading Terra’s way to the cave where a mysterious door has allegedly opened the first time these kids were sent off to an adventure.

“Riku,” Terra says as they get closer, “do you really think that Sora’s theory will work?”

“I don’t know. I’ve been there twice, and it’s like...” Riku stops and turns to face his predecessor. “Listen, if I saw her there, I would have stayed. Apparently the reason why she’s still there was to make sure I got out. But I would have helped her if I knew. I just need you to know that.”

Terra tries to control his breathing and makes a conscious attempt to relax his jaw and let go of the clenching in his fists. “It’s okay,” he says softly, although it’s forced. “That’s something Aqua would do.”

Riku nods sharply and continues on his way. “Anyway, the Door to Darkness doesn’t let any light out. Both of the times I got out, I felt this sense of certainty that I was going to be okay. But I had help and I wasn’t alone, so I do agree that she needs another person to open that Door to Light for her.” He waves his arms in exasperation and let them slap his sides as they fall. “Other than Sora’s theory, I just don’t have any other plausible explanation.”

“What about getting there?”

Riku stops again and inhales slowly. “You let a world fall to darkness and ride it all the way down.”

Terra’s lips tighten at the thought. The job of a Keyblade wielder should be to completely prevent such a scenario. “But we can’t just let that happen.”

Riku nods but continues onward. “Hence the predicament.”

They arrive to where Sora and Kairi wait for them. The cave is hidden by large plants, but when Terra looks hard enough, he can see the opening. He ducks at the entrance, and it opens up as he continues inside. It is quite small, and the air is much cooler than it is outside. There are carvings all along the rocky walls that look like they have been done by small children; close to the ground is a carving of one child giving another a star. Furthest from the entrance is a wooden wall, and he traces his fingers against the smooth surface.

“We have no idea why this wall is even here,” Sora says behind him. “But it actually opened, and Ansem walked through it.”

“You know,” Riku says, “I have seen it open before that night.”

Terra holds his chin as he thinks. “Can you tell me more about what happened when this world fell?”

The three self-taught Keyblade wielders behind him stay quiet and he turns to face them. Riku’s face is completely tense and he doesn’t have the discipline to relax it. Sora scratches his head and looks down on the ground. Kairi fumbles with her hands.

“You know, I don’t remember a single thing from that night,” she says.

“Really?” Sora stops rubbing his hair but keeps his hand in place. “It happened really fast. The sky was dark and cloudy, and there were Heartless everywhere. And... it was just so fast. It was like-”

“It was like the entire world just collapsed on itself and the loose pieces were being blown apart,” Riku says. His tone is stable but stern, as though he is reciting lines that he doesn’t want to perform.

Terra nods slowly, his knuckles tense. “What happened to the rest of the people here?”

Riku sways side to side, his arms crossed. “I think those who aren’t Keyblade wielders... or maybe those that do not possess or have not come across a strong source of light, just fade away into the darkness. They don’t die, exactly, but they cease to exist as long as their world stays trapped.”

So if you don’t disappear, you just consciously suffer the entire way. Oh, Aqua...

Sora holds a fist to his cheek, deep in thought. “But doesn’t that mean they are fine once the world is restored?”

“Well,” Kairi presses her fingers together as she stares at them. “It isn’t consequence-free, exactly. Many of the people here had recurring nightmares for a couple of months, and none of the doctors understood why. Nobody remembers anything about that night, and it just became another one of those mysterious, creepy legends the kids still toss a bunch of conspiracy theories over.”

"And that’s only if a world is restored,” Riku says. Sora stays silent.

Terra presses his palm against the wood. “So, should we assume that there are signs a world will fall before it does? Like a door opening when it shouldn’t exist?”

Riku clears his throat as he finds some of the quiet bravado he normally carries. “You can actually see that a world’s light will start to flicker and fade, but that doesn’t mean that it will fall. It can just mean there are a multitude of Heartless overwhelming it.” He pauses for a brief moment. “I know a couple of sky pirates who do a lot of traveling. One of them isn’t human and she has a sixth sense for this sort of thing, but she isn’t right all the time. Either way, we’ve never just let Heartless take over.”

“And you shouldn’t.” Terra says this so quietly that he isn’t sure if the others heard him.

He caresses the wood. Perhaps he can create a door to the other side here. There is no sickly, hot energy through the wall - no sign of darkness. It’s just wood. False hope for sure, but he has nothing else. 

He breathes deeply and summons his Keyblade. He can feel the others tense up as he does this, anxious to see what tricks he has up his sleeve. He holds the tip of the Keyblade up against the wall... but he is fooling himself.

He drops his Keyblade and sighs. Two years too late to try. “If there was a world beyond this wall, it doesn’t exist anymore.”

Sora groans behind him. “I was really hoping this would work. I’m sorry it didn’t.”

“It’s fine. It’s good we are discussing these kinds of ideas.” Still, just another damn dead end.

“Well, if one plan doesn’t work, we’ll come up with another.” Sora slams his fist into his palm, a reassuring and confident smile on his face.

False hope has no meaning with Sora. Terra cannot keep a frown, and it’s the same feeling as being a child, where he can imagine a happy future with his closest friends. The amount of faith he has is outstanding.

“Sora,” Terra begins, “how can you be so sure?” He can feel a smile on his own face, which doesn’t make sense. He really should dismiss such determination for his own sake.

“I’m not sure. But I won’t believe that it’s necessary to sacrifice anybody to save her.” Sora is approaching this seriously, but there is no way to remove the sound of hope from the tone of his voice. “You’ll never give up looking for her, Terra, so something’s gotta give eventually. I think it’s just a matter of time before we can figure out what will actually work for us.”

“Well,” Riku says, “if you do get any more ideas, Sora, just tell me first before you do anything. Okay?”

“What, you don’t trust me?”

Kairi snorts and Riku rolls his eyes as he walks out of the cave.

Somehow, it is warmer outside. The others swap memories they have shared growing up here. Curiously, Riku is the one to remember the least, despite being older. This fact doesn’t seem to deter Sora’s attitude towards his oldest friend, however, since there are other memories to talk about. With the three of them engaged in their shared experiences, Terra wishes that he will get the same time to delve this deep into nostalgia with Aqua and Ventus one day. Sooner is preferable than later.

They are so involved, in fact, that they don’t notice when Terra gradually moves away towards the ocean. The breeze blowing from that direction is welcome, although it’s nothing like the crisp, dry wind from the mountains, which will slice if it gets cold enough. 

Terra takes off his shoes and socks, and walks through the shallow water, allowing his flowing pants to get wet. His feet sink into the wet sand with every wave, and it’s like a million sensations in one: the coolness of the water gushing in with such a force, the prickly, soft feeling of the sand in between his toes.

It hasn’t been long since he has woken up. Yet, this is the first time he is really realizing that he can feel again. He has been so preoccupied with finding them that he forgets he is alive. But if anyone is deserving of this same feeling, it’s Aqua.

I wish she could hear the ocean. I’ll have to take her here immediately after she’s free.

Terra loses himself in the sound of the water. If he fell to darkness to find her without a better plan, that will leave him trapped as well, but at least he will be with her. It will make it easier on the both of them to stay together. Maybe they can wait for the others to come get them, and he’ll be there to keep her chin up.

But I can’t just let a world fall and let others suffer like that. I wonder if somehow, if I find a door that shouldn’t exist, I can create an opening that way. How did she even get down there in the first place? 

Sacrifice. Darkness. The willingness to give up to be with her. Terrible thoughts to have on such a nice morning when he is supposed to take it easy today. 

The bright morning sun shines on the water, and it’s blinding if he stares at its reflection. But it doesn’t last long. The waves shift and contort, and it is now sunset. Kairi’s laughter from afar fades away. What is left is the sound of crying.

The sunset left the ocean looking dark as he walked down the beach. Ahead of him was a girl slumped over, with short pink hair and wearing an orange tunic, someone he recognized. She was crying into her hands. The waves hit her shoes, but she paid them no mind.

Her sitting there, crying all by herself, was unsightly. It was best to avoid her. But unless he turned around and took a lap around the entire island, there was no way to. Perhaps she wouldn’t notice him passing by...

She sprung up and wiped her eyes and nose. “Norty, I didn’t hear you coming. How are you?” All of her words were smothered with sniffles.

“Hello, Lenna.” His voice was polite as though he didn’t witness anything. “It’s been a pleasant walk. On such a pleasant day.” It sounded contemptuous, almost to the brink of obvious sarcasm, but she never noticed.

“I’m glad someone is having a good day.” She struggled to contain her tears. “If the fates can just use my pain and make it pleasant for someone else, that would make it more meaningful.” She was breathing heavily.

She was inviting him to listen to said pain. “Well, it sounds like your prayers have been answered. I hope the rest of your evening bodes well.” He started to walk away.

Lenna reached out to him, her hand hovering in the air. “It’s just been so hard, without Bubbles.”

A slow inhale, but he made sure that it was inaudible. He swallowed a lump in his throat, and relaxed all of his muscles. Maybe he could get away with being a little truthful. “Yes, you being without your cat is truly a misery.”

“Yes. She was family, Bubbles.” Another sob. She was going to start wailing again.

“Yes.” He relaxed his muscles again. If he didn’t acknowledge the cat, then Lenna would surely start getting obnoxious. “Poor Bubbles.” The name sounded awkward and spiteful coming out of his lips. She didn’t notice.

“I just don’t know what to do. Bubbles was always there to sit on my lap when I was doing my homework. She slept with me. She always meowed when I came home from school.” The sobs were getting heavier. “Now, it’s just so quiet.”

This world was so small that the worst of this girl’s problems was the loss of something replaceable. “Perhaps another cat might be noisier?”

She was shocked into silence, her sobs stammering. “Excuse me?”

“I’m giving you a proposal. A solution to your problem. Then you can stop mewling.”

“But... she was family.”

“It was a cat.”

Lenna erupted into tears, the sound giving him a headache. She was so loud, it caught the attention of the nearby teenager, and leading them was a girl with long purple hair that reached down to her waist. She wore a bright blue shirt and a black beanie on her head.

“Lenna,” she said as she comforted her. “What happened?”

Lenna started to talk but she was completely incomprehensible through her sobbing. Her older sister, though, understood her perfectly.

“You made my sister cry, rich boy?” She shoved his shoulder. “Who do you think you are?”

“Faris, it’s good to see you, too.” Xehanort attempted to keep himself calm. This was just too annoying. “I was merely trying to get your sister to come to a more logical conclusion. To ease her personal grievances.”

“I don’t care for your fancy talk, so you better talk to me straight. What did you say to her?”

Lenna started to talk in her gibberish again, and Faris’ eyes flashed with anger.

“Our cat was family, and she was the most important thing to Lenna,” she said as she clenched her fists. “Something’s seriously wrong with you, Nort.”

Patience was low. “She was given advice, and she refused it. There could be so much more meaning to her life, and she doesn’t have the interest nor the ability to see it.”

Faris had nothing to say. She swung her arm and punched him squarely in the jaw.

Evening becomes morning again. The pain on his jawline quickly fades away. 

The others are sparring, with Sora and Riku taking pot shots so that Kairi can practice dodging and blocking them. Clearly she does best with handling attacks from afar and with magical offenses, perhaps because of the amount of time she has spent studying with Lea. But she staggers when either of the boys come close and hit her directly. Terra makes a mental note that he has to give her tips on how to maintain her core energy and stance when she gets nervous. Something to bring up when he has the chance to later.

Right now, however, something is off. Terra has been able to learn how to sense when Xehanort’s presence is getting stronger. It’s like having another person rest their head on his shoulder, watching him that closely. The headaches start at his forehead, and then it trickles so it feels as though his hair is being pulled out. But this time, there is nothing.

This memory isn’t like the others. He likes to show off, or he tries to provoke me. But this was almost embarrassing to watch. I must have seen this vision without his involvement and... did he not notice this?

Terra looks down on his hands and breathes deeply. I know he can see what I can physically see. He can hear what I hear, and he can feel my strong emotions. But if this is a vision I had on my own... can he not see what’s in my mind?

He closes his hands and eyes and relaxes. Lenna. Faris. No pain. He thinks of Lenna again. How hard she was crying when she lost her cat. How insensitive he was to her.

Even as a teenager, all he did was hurt people. And because I was too weak to stop him, he’s done worse to them.

He shudders. This truth is hard to swallow and it nearly sickens him. I can’t call myself a Keyblade wielder if I can’t help others and heal their pain. That is the biggest reason why I delved into this calling. I had no meaning until Master gave it to me.

It’s time to get to the bottom of this.

He jogs through the sand and approaches the others. “Have any of you heard of two people living in this world named Lenna and Faris?” A headache starts to form like a gut reaction to his words, confirming his suspicions.

Sora is the first to recall his Keyblade. “Lenna and Faris? That makes me think of those old ladies who played checkers on the side of that road we used to take to go to school.”

“Hmm.” Riku smirks. “Old-fashioned names, then.”

“Would they help us find Aqua or something?” Kairi asks, her tone a bit skeptical, as if she isn’t sure why two random people from a tiny island would be of any use.

“No.” Terra realizes his answer is too short, but this is strange to open up about. “I... I’ve never met them actually, but I have to make amends to them.”

The three of them give him undeniable expressions of confusion, with Sora in particular narrowing his eyes and wrinkling his nose. “That’s weird. It’s like this came out of nowhere-”

A pregnant pause. It doesn’t come out of nowhere, and all of them know it. Terra cringes as he sees them realize this, hoping that none of them are wondering if these pseudo-psychic episodes will become more frequent or more erratic. He doesn’t know what to say. I hope they don’t consider me more dangerous now.

Sora seems the most uncomfortable about it, darting his eyes around the sand and displaying a rare seriousness that simply doesn’t fit him. He quickly glances to both of his friends to see if he can read them. Then, his eyes light up and a smile stretches from ear to ear. 

“It’s a strange request, for sure. We just don’t understand what’s possessing you.”

Riku bursts into laughter, the kind of tear-jerking hysteria that would leave anyone else unable to think - Terra has never seen this in him before. Kairi elbows Sora in the ribs, her eyes wide with disbelief. The latter is too busy in his own bout of laughter to care.

Terra scoffs slowly and clenches his teeth a little, although he doesn’t deny to himself that he’s starting to chuckle as well. Ven would say something this dumb.

“And here I thought you were mature,” Terra says as he firmly ruffles through Sora’s incredibly thick hair.

“I am mature.” Sora rubs his nose and attempts to fix his hairdo.

“Why these specific women, though?” Riku regains his composure and returns to his confident posture with one hand on his hip, as if he hasn’t been laughing this entire time. “What do they have to do with anything?”

There is no way to answer this without being direct. Terra crosses his arms and forces himself to relax. “Xehanort is from here.”

The shock is so great that Riku slowly drops the hand that before was so proud to be resting on his hip. It makes sense, though. Xehanort once called the Land of Departure his home and didn’t care that it got destroyed, either.

Kairi leans forward. “So you’re telling us that we can meet people who grew up with him?“ She gasps and holds a hand to her mouth. “I wonder what he was like as a kid.”

Not much different.

“Would he have gone to the same school as us?” Sora asks out loud. “What am I saying, of course he would have. There is only one.” He fidgets with excitement. “We’ve got to find these ladies.”

Sora and Kairi look over to Riku as if they need his permission to go. Riku takes his time to answer, enough for Terra to wonder if he is stalling on purpose to make them feel anticipation. “I like the idea. We should search for them.”

“I knew it was a good idea to come here. Let’s go.” Sora does an about-face and leaves, with Riku following closely behind. Terra starts to follow them, but notices that Kairi is still standing there, her hands behind her with a contemptuous smile on her face.

He lifts his shoulder as if to ask her what’s wrong, when Sora calls out from behind him. “Hey, what gives?”

“What gives is that you are going the wrong direction.” She creates finger-guns and points in the opposite way, her tone dramatically sarcastic. “I hid a boat by the beach on the other side for when we come back.” She waves her arms around. “I was just seeing how long it would take you guys to notice that I wasn’t around. Thanks, Terra, for waiting for me.”

Riku slowly closes his eyes as if he is guilty of something, while Sora’s mouth hangs open. “Wait, Kairi-”

“Too late.” She grabs Terra by the wrist and pulls him in the correct direction. “I don’t want either of you two losers to sit next to me.”

The main island is larger, filled with homes and small facilities and markets. One side of it features a beach while the other is raised, the ocean water hitting the rocky terrain that make up the cliff side there. 

But it’s still very small, with an endless ocean surrounding the town that stretches beyond the horizon. Such a tiny world means that the setting is intimate and safe. All of the inhabitants know each other - a feature that Sora doesn’t think matters. Everyone apparently knows that the three of them have left to visit other worlds, so who cares if they brought in a stranger?

Terra brushes off his own concerns, not the least of which is the part where he simply has to accept that times have changed. Some worlds have been exposed to the outside, much like how Radiant Garden has, and there is nothing that can be done to undo that. Master Eraqus would grow a headache over this.

The news that a stranger has visited the island spread like wildfire. Friends from their school flock around him. Kairi’s friends in particular demand why she is keeping a hottie like him all to herself. It takes a considerable amount of effort to keep anyone from touching Aqua’s Keyblade.

So they decide that it’s best Terra leaves the town altogether. He takes this opportunity to give more lessons to Kairi as they spar among some isolated trees, while Sora and Riku track down Lenna and Faris’ whereabouts.

They take a break. Kairi stays quiet, probably mulling over his advice. They sit together atop a hill, where they can view the town - seeing it from here really emphasizes the tiny size of it. The ocean surrounding him might as well be an empty desert. 

Or perhaps there is world down in its depths that hasn’t been discovered yet. There has to be something more than just this town.

“Do you think I have what it takes to be any good?” he hears Kairi say next to him.

“Of course you do.” Being a Princess of Heart and all, if you have to protect yourself, so be it. “Why do you ask?“

She sighs forcefully. “Sometimes I don’t think Riku and Sora believe I can do anything for myself. They always leave me behind. And I mean, I get it. I’m not experienced like they are, but they continue to treat me the same. I’m not sure they trust me at all.”

“I think they trust you well enough. They left you alone with me after all.” A part of him tenses up. 

“They left me with you because they trust you.”

“I still don’t think it’s about you.” 

It’s very much like dealing with Ventus. He always asked the two of them if he could join along. Begging to be included. Begging to explore other worlds. Aqua being the one to be over-protective and to send him off. Terra being the one to encourage Ventus to spread out. 

Except that one time in Radiant Garden.

“Maybe they’re afraid they’ll fail to protect you,” he says. “It’s not a failure that’s easy to accept, you know.”

Kairi takes a moment of silence. “Yeah but, why does that mean that I can’t protect them when I want to?”

Terra chuckles. How many times have Aqua and I competed over this very same issue?

“I’m sure they bump heads over which one of them should be protected as well. It’s a never-ending argument, and truthfully it’s a give and take.” He smiles at her. “When the time is right, you’ll just have to step it up when they inevitably stumble.”

She grins to herself. She still has a long way to go, but she’s doing alright with fighting. 

He feels the wind blowing through his hair. Despite that the town is not too far, it’s quiet enough. The smell of the ocean is everywhere.

“It must get real dark here at night,” he says. “I’m sure you can see the stars very clearly.”

“The sky gets absolutely covered with them. You like the stars?”

“Yeah. It was our favorite past time, to go stargazing together.”

She excitedly claps her hands. “Then you have to bring them here when you find them.”

He smirks. “I will.”

It is a warming thought, just being able to bring the stars back to them. Not like being on their mountains exactly, but great enough. 

In the distance, nearer the cliffside, stands a solitary house that juts out far from the town. It’s a bit larger than the other homes, and something about it makes his stomach lurch. He attempts to ask her about it when Sora and Riku approach them from behind some trees.

“Did you find them?” Kairi stands up quickly.

“Yeah.” Riku scratches his head and doesn’t meet her gaze. “They are in the cemetery, out on the eastern cliff side.”

The three of them eye Terra. This doesn’t change a thing.

“Okay,” Terra says, “I’ll need a cat statue. You know, one of those outdoor types that you put in the dirt?” He reaches in his pockets. “I can give you the munny for it. I’ll also need pink and purple flowers.”

Kairi raises her hand. “I know where you can pluck those, actually.”

“Why don’t I go with you to get the flowers, Terra?” Sora asks.

“It was my idea,” she says.

“But I didn’t get to spend any time with him,” Sora whines. 

She places her hands on her hips and leans forward. “Excuse me, but I’d like to have a private conversation with him.” 

That shuts him up. The two boys leave with some of Terra’s munny, while he and Kairi walk south through some palm trees.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” he asks her.

“Oh nothing, actually. I’m still mad at the two of them.”

It isn’t a far walk, and they reach a small grassy field full of beautiful flowers, all of different colors. The sub-tropical weather really encourages such foliage. It’s easy to pick out the ones he wants, considering that each color seems to enjoy the company of its own.

“So you grew up with Aqua and Ventus?” she asks as they crouch over the flowers they are collecting.

“Ven’s the little brother I’ve always wanted.” A smile forms on his face. Thinking about Ventus always comforts him in a way, perhaps because there is less guilt involved. He remembers how delighted he was when Ventus woke up, and when Ventus started to follow him around like a puppy after it’s been rescued from starving.

He continues. “Aqua and I go way back. She and I were the ones who really grew up together. I don’t think I ever saw her as my sister. She’s my partner really. My sparring partner, my mission partner... she’s my best friend.”

“She must be really special to you, then.”

“Of course she is.” He notices a peculiar smile on Kairi’s face. She immediately tries to roll her lips to erase that look. 

What is making him to be so open about feelings?

Maybe it just isn’t worth keeping them hidden anymore, not after what I went through. Or maybe it’s something else. There’s something about Kairi that makes me feel like I’ve met her before.

They continue to gather flowers in silence, although Kairi is still smiling to herself. She has the bouquet of purple, while he finishes a thick bundle of pink. 

Just in time, Sora and Riku join them. The former is holding two white ribbons to tie the bundles together, while the latter carries a sizable statue depicting a cat sitting down with its tail wrapped around its body. The plan so far is going perfectly - although Riku has this comically sour look on his face.

“We were being followed and nagged by Tidus and Wakka,” Riku says when asked what’s wrong. He sets the statue down. “And Sora got the great idea to tell them that the cat statue was a gift for his mom.”

Sora deviously smiles, stretching from ear to ear. “It worked didn’t it?” He tries to suppress a laugh.

“Only because you told them that I’ve always had a crush on her.”

Kairi bursts into hysteria and Riku reminds her that it isn’t funny. She gives him tiny nods while doing her best not to continue laughing and then hugs him. This prompts Sora to hug the both of them from behind, so that Riku is pinned between their affections. His arms slack and he gives Terra a timid glare, pleading to be freed.

Terra picks up the statue. “I appreciate everything you do for me, Riku.”

The cemetery is quite possibly the noisiest area on the island. 

The wind is blowing harder here since it’s on higher ground, and the water is slamming against the rocks below. It’s not the largest graveyard that he’s seen, a testament to the size of the population on this island. Most of the gravestones here are humble. Plaques are placed specifically for Lenna and Faris, who both passed away a few years ago and were buried next to each other. Weeds are overgrowing on them, and Terra rips them out and dusts off the falling dirt with his hands. Sora gives him a spade, and with it he digs a small hole by Lenna’s plaque to fit the cat statue. 

When he’s done, he sets pink flowers down for Lenna, and purple ones for Faris.

Sora, Riku and Kairi stand behind him, staying quiet. He kneels in front of their graves, taking a short moment to meditate. Death isn’t the sort of thing that Keyblade wielders deal with often, although they are taught that it is a natural part of life that shouldn’t be hated. It isn’t darkness, despite the pain it causes. Despite that it can compel someone to abhor it. 

One day, the light of Master Eraqus would have faded anyway. Terra has always assumed that the three of them would create a small, private ceremony in the mountains to celebrate his life when it should happen. To leave his Keyblade resting on the top of a summit. But his death didn’t have to happen the way it did.

I hope the both of you lived happy lives, fulfilled in the way you wanted them to. I’m sorry for the pain he caused you. I swear, on this day and every day moving forward, I will undo what he has done. I will make amends for his existence.

Terra breathes and touches their plaques before getting up. On this location, the solitary house is seems closer. It sits by itself, and Terra notices now that some of the windows are boarded up and there are vines growing up along the outer walls. There is that nauseating feeling in his stomach again. 

“What can you guys tell me about that house?” He points to it.

“It’s one of the few urban legends around here,” Sora says, putting his arms behind his head. “Some of the people think it’s haunted.”

“Why is that?”

“No one has been able to get inside. They can’t break in, and they can’t unlock it.”

Riku crosses his arms and thinks for a second. “If I remember correctly, that house belonged to an old couple. They died a long, long time ago. The husband was involved in most of the investments that built the homes and buildings here. The wife I think was a nurse, maybe?”

A headache swells, and the roots of his hair sting. “It’s his. He grew up there.”

“No way!” Sora nearly throws himself forward. “We’ve got to check it out.”

Riku scoffs. “Of course his house would be creepy.”

The house has two stories, which is quite rare to see on the island. It is surrounded by a small, overgrown garden, contained by a barrier of coral rocks that are supposed to act like a fence. All of the windows on the first floor have wooden boards covering them. 

Riku approaches the front door, and attempts to turn the knob. It doesn’t open. He kicks it, and an invisible force blocks the attempt. He summons his Keyblade, but it doesn’t unlock it.

“I’m going to assume that the windows are going to be the same and save myself the trouble,” he says.

Kairi has her hands in a prayer stance in front of her. “But who would put a spell on this house?”

Riku’s fists are clenched together. “This implies that Xehanort has visited after he left. Maybe to seal off his old home... or for other things.”

They all hear an incredibly loud sigh. Sora is pouting, like a child in dire need of candy. “How are we going to open it then?”

The headache is more painful now, and Terra shivers for a bit. There is a slight disgust to knowing the kinds of information that are seamlessly appearing in his consciousness. Things he shouldn’t know, but are there.

“You just need the right key,” he says. He counts the rocks on the left side of the door. Seven of them. He lifts it, and under it is a simple house key. The perfect key to unlock this door.

Sunlight seeps through the cracks of the wooden boards covering the window, and Terra leaves the door open to allow more. The house is quaint, with plenty of decorative art and plates lining the pastel pink walls. In the center is a family-sized dining room table, covered in an off-white cloth. A pot of withered flowers sits in the middle. An upright piano is left alone next to a window that overlooks the ocean, and beyond that is a small kitchen, with some incredibly outdated appliances such as a fire stove. 

In all senses, it’s as though time has stopped in this house.

“That is definitely him,” Riku says.

On the far wall opposite the piano, alongside some shelves, are family photos. They are all sepia-toned, and every single one of them is a photo of Xehanort throughout his young life. As a baby. As a toddler. One of the bigger portraits is himself as a teen, his round eyes looking straight at the camera. It’s impossible to tell what he was thinking when it was taken.

Riku takes his time to study each photo. “So the stories I have heard about a kid who left this world has always been about him.”

Kairi grabs two thick photo albums from a shelf nearby and brings them to the table. “Looks like there’s more here.”

She gives the smaller one to Sora. He sifts through it while holding it close to him, looking bewildered.

“Here is one of him as a baby... can you just imagine Xehanort as a cute, chubby baby?” He shudders. “Look at this! Here is one of him laughing.”

Riku and Terra look over his shoulder. A picture of a teenage Xehanort laughing as he is facing someone that isn’t in the shot. The laugh seems genuine, his eyes squinting. Other pictures show him on a bicycle with classmates. At a birthday party. One shows him dressed nicely, his arm locked with a girl in a pretty dress, like he is taking a date to a school dance. Not a single one depicts him as any older.

“I wonder what he was laughing about,” Sora says.

I wonder if it was sincere.

“Oh guys, here are letters his mother wrote to him. This must have been after he left,” Kairi says, reaching the end of the photo album she’s looking through, where a short stack of handwritten letters have been tucked away.

Terra walks over to the piano as she reads through them, listening closely to a relic left behind by someone who no longer walks:

“My dearest son, I sincerely hope you retrieve this letter. I have sent several to you and I suppose that they haven’t reached you. I know your teacher has said that it was completely possible for us to keep in touch, and has given me the instructions to do so. I pray that you are safe and happy in your newfound school and residence. I miss the sound of you playing the piano very dearly. The emptiness and silence left behind by your absence is unbearable, but it helps to ease the pain when I remember that you are following your dreams. My beloved son, I would love to hear about what you are studying, if you have been making friends, and if you are having the adventures you deserve to have. I just want to hear your voice. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to see how handsome you have grown to be. Be safe, and I love you, Your worried mother.”

He hears her shuffling through more letters behind him as he eyes the keys on the piano, dusty from neglect.

“They’re all alike,” she says. “She’s been dying to hear from him.”

Riku clears his throat. “I think we should definitely visit our moms today.”

Terra strums some keys in succession, gently but confidently enough that there is no way anyone can tell he is a beginner at it. He continues to strum in higher octaves, practicing arpeggios - 

Arpeggios? I shouldn’t know that word.

“You play the piano?” Sora asks from behind him.

Terra turns quickly and rubs his fingers against his palm, his hand clammy. His head is pounding, and for a moment he nearly says yes.

“No, I don’t.” He rubs his palms against his pants, and a knowledge of musical theory starts to flood his mind. He has never studied music.

I’m not sure where I end and where he starts. If we’re exchanging information like this, does that mean that I’m being swallowed up by him?

“Then you must be a natural,” Sora says with a smile, not noticing his mood. “You know, I wonder if he still has stuff here, like in his room.” His eyes widen as he stares off into space. “Do you think he has a diary?”

Sora and Riku both stare intensely at each other, as though a golden idea has been blessed upon them. Sora drops the photo album, and races up the stairs, Riku and Kairi following behind.

Terra lingers for a moment by the piano, caressing his sweaty forehead.

I am in control. I’m in control.

He opens Tifa’s potion and takes a sip before walking up the stairs. 

The others are going room by room, but he knows where it is. It is to the right, slightly behind the opening to the stairs. It looks like a normal room for any kid, although the walls are completely blank. There is a bed, a closed closet, a bedside table, a desk for studying, and a dresser. The windows overlook the town ahead. On the dresser is a framed picture of Xehanort, with a couple of bundles of withered flowers.

“I wonder if his mom has been waiting for him to come home all this time,” Kairi says when she enters the room and sees the shrine set up for him.

Sora and Riku check through his desk and dresser, hoping to find some notes or a journal he may have written in. Kairi opens his closet.

“He really liked to dress fancy.” She sifts through vests, button-down shirts, jackets, and leather. She bends down to open up a bookbag, and takes out a texbook. She laughs and lifts it up to show the others. “Our school hasn’t updated any of the books for the last few decades, it seems.”

“Figures,” Sora says as he makes his way to the bedside table. He opens a drawer there and shuffles through it. Not finding anything, he closes it and moves over to where Riku is.

But he was so close. Terra opens that same drawer and moves his hand to feel directly under the surface. The journal is there, taped to the underside.

“You missed it.” He pulls a small, black leather journal and hands it over to Riku, who is closest to him.

Riku flips through some of the pages while Sora hops on top of the bed, and Kairi sits beside him. He reads a passage to himself, his eyebrows wrinkling up towards his crown.

“Sheesh. Listen to this: I grow tired of the mindless queries shared by my peers. I long to meet a worthy companion, anyone out there, that has the power to quench this horrid starvation for knowledge that I am burdened with. I need to leave this forsaken island...”

“I should give him a kick in the face for saying that about our island,” Sora says with a grin. “He’s the same, actually. No wonder he didn’t have any friends.”

“It’s not a wonder why,” Kairi says. She looks as though she has swallowed something disgusting. “Ugh, he had such an awful superiority complex.”

Sora laughs and then consciously changes the expression on his face, as though he is putting on a mask. He contorts his fingers and begins an act, like he is in a theatrical drama. “Denizens of light, answer this. Why do you hate the darkness?”

Riku snorts and lowers the diary. “Surrender. Bow to darkness. Only the darkness can offer to you all of the strength that you will need.”

It isn’t exactly comfortable hearing such words - they are too similar. But it’s true, he hasn’t changed at all. Terra deepens his voice so that it sounds a bit goofy. “Light and darkness, they are a balance - one that must always be maintained.”

“Is that how he justifies all of this?” Riku shakes his head. He flips through more pages of the journal. “They are already balanced. I thought he was smart.”

“Honestly, I don’t really understand what his primary goals were. Not even now.” Terra squeezes a fist and lets it go. No use getting angry, especially since the headache hasn’t faded.

Riku stops at a page and points to it. “The journal isn’t complete, but here’s the last entry: I’ve wondered for some time now whether there were other dimensions tucked away among the stars, hiding vast amounts of information that I want to grasp. These suspicions have been confirmed. A man from somewhere else visited the island today, accompanied by a boy. I came to him with all of my questions, and he said that I have the heart to serve a higher calling: to give others answers. I accepted his challenge.  The boy is inquisitive. Friendly, but quick to scrutinize, and comes from a long lineage of protectors. If he is to be my competitor, I believe I can manage and surpass him. My mother will surely resist, but never again will I return here...”

It feels as though Terra’s throat constricts. The air around him becomes thick and he finds it hard to breathe. A boy? The Master. This is a record of the first time they have ever met.

“And then he goes off to ruin everyone’s lives.” Terra fails to keep his tone calm, and the others are shocked by such anger.  He lowers his voice. “He had parents and a good home. He had a friend who adored him. And he took it all for granted.”

I’m being stupid. It’s not like he cares about what I think.

It’s too stuffy in that room. He waves his arm to dismiss the others’ concerns and briskly exits. 

Down the stairs, he stops by the open photo album Sora left behind. There is a family portrait depicting Xehanort as a child. His father stands behind him, also bearing darker skin and white hair. His mother sits by him and has her arm rested on his shoulder. Terra picks the album up, and studies it. Xehanort’s mother was very pretty, hair long and swept to the side, and it looks like she had her son young.

“He came home,” he says quietly before setting it down.

The high afternoon sun beats down on him outside, and he makes his way to some shade under a cluster of palm trees a few paces away from the house. They bear the star-shaped fruit that Aqua once talked about so long ago. He leans on one of them, and closes his eyes to focus on the fresh air that he’s breathing. 

He pulls out his Wayfinder, and meditates on his friends. His mind focuses on Ventus in particular - on all the ordinary days they spent together studying, playing pranks on Aqua, and sparring. As much as he cherishes his time with Aqua and as much as he wants to spend the rest of his waking life with her, the days where Ventus has entered their lives are still the best days. It’s not worth it without the three of them together. He’s sure that she would agree. 

Thinking about their separation is saddening, but it’s better than being in that house.

The others approach him as he’s daydreaming. Riku offers the suggestion to get some coconuts, since they’re all thirsty.

“That sounds delicious,” he replies.

“Okay, but I get to stay with Terra this time,” Sora says with a finger lifted up, as if to lecture them.

Riku mumbles just enough for only Terra to hear. “It’s like he’s a puppy around you.”

He and Kairi disappear through the trees, and Sora seems like he just can’t contain his excitement, like his smile is permanently plastered on his face.

Riku’s right. He is like a puppy.

“Let me ask you something, Sora. You can wield two Keyblades at the same time, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know where it comes from. It’s very temporary, and it comes when I need a burst of power. But it doesn’t always work.” Sora places a hand on his heart.

“What does that mean?”

“Sometimes...” His expressions just seem so solemn in comparison when he isn’t happy. “Sometimes it’s like things go dark when I call upon the second Keyblade. Maybe it’s because I need power to do it or it thinks I’m being selfish when I summon it. I don’t know. But it’s very tiring, anyway.”

Terra clenches his jaw. Perhaps it really is dangerous to use Xehanort’s Keyblade. Not that it’s a loss. He tells himself that he is fine with just his own.

Sora leans on one of the trees next to him, eyeing the Wayfinder in his hand. “It’s interesting that it’s the shape of a star,” he says.

Terra holds the Wayfinder higher so that the both of them can look at it. “Aqua made one for each of us after reading about this very island. She said that it symbolized an unbreakable connection, and cast magic on it so that we can always stay close. She said that they’re usually made of shells, and that they resemble the star-shaped fruit on this island.” 

“She’s very right about all of that.” Sora points upward to the star-shaped fruit above them. “The paopu fruit does represent an unbreakable connection, but it’s a bit more than that.”

“How so?”

“When you share a paopu fruit with someone, it’s supposed to be like a promise that you make with that person - that your destinies will always intertwine. So it’s like a promise that you’ll be connected in the future.” 

Terra eyes the fruit above, wishing to share one with Aqua. It’s as though Sora has read his mind.

“Would you like me to grab you one?” Sora already starts to climb the palm tree, as though he knows the answer is yes.

“Do you have to share one with only one person?”

Sora reaches the top and uses his ankles as grips to keep himself stable. “You mean that you’d share this with someone else who isn’t Aqua?”

Something about that tone seems to suggest that Sora knows, and it’s just the tiniest bit annoying. It’s like listening to Ventus tease him about her. “What are you getting at?”

“How about you stop answering my questions with questions?” Sora inspects one of the fruit and grabs it, a devious grin on his face.

Terra laughs silently. It feels like déja vu, where he and Ventus have this song and dance together every time she is brought up. “How about you mind your own business?”

“Well I think sharing this fruit with her is the perfect idea.”

“You continue about Aqua and I’ll knock you off that tree.” 

“You can try.” As though he’ll never fall from it. He leans down to hand Terra the fruit. Then he stretches his reach to grab another.

Terra holds his Wayfinder in his left hand and strokes it. He forgets in that moment that he’s separated from them. It must be a magical quality that Sora has.

However, Sora doesn’t have the grip on that tree that he thinks he has. He grabs the second fruit when he leans too far, and falls off the tree with a yell. He lands on his back, a paopu fruit in one hand and a palm leaf in the other - a failed attempt to break his fall.

“Sora!” Terra runs over and offers his right hand. “You okay?”

Sora groans loudly and grabs his hand. But it isn’t Sora anymore. 

Terra is holding Ventus’ hand, and it is Ventus’ voice that replies - that enters his consciousness and makes him realize the truth - as he smiles up at him.

“Thanks, Terra, for looking out for me.”

Terra freezes, shaking a little as he holds Ventus’ hand. It’s Ven. His little brother.

Ventus looks confused. Out of his mouth comes Sora’s voice: “Are you okay?”

He is holding Sora’s hand, who is still on the ground. They have been staring at each other for an undefined amount of time. Ventus has been this close to him this entire time.

Terra starts laughing hysterically, and pulls Sora up to him so they can hug. Sora is taller than Ventus, but he still has to bend down to embrace him. He continues to laugh, and Sora laughs in return.

“This is cool and all, but I’m not sure what this is about,” Sora says.

He cannot say anything - Xehanort will hear. But it’s fine, Ventus is safe. He’s in the safest place he can ever be without Terra or Aqua there to protect him.

“What’s going on here?” Riku’s voice comes from the trees. He and Kairi are each holding two open coconuts with straws inside.

“I don’t know,” Sora says, “but I like hugs.”

Terra lets go and wipes the tears from his eyes. “It’s just that Sora makes me happy.” He pauses for a moment. Ventus is okay. But being caught in such an emotional outburst is now awkward. “You all make me happy.”

He bends to hug Riku as well, who holds out the open coconuts further, so as not to spill them. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m hugging you.” Several more chuckles escape Terra’s mouth.

“You’re such a sap.”

Kairi snaps a little. “Riku, he’s been through a lot. Everyone needs a hug every now and then.”

As if on cue, Terra hugs her as well. She smiles widely and returns it, careful not to spill the coconut water all over. Then she hands one to him. Terra sits in the shade, slightly unaware of his immediate surroundings. Laughing until his stomach hurts. 

Ventus is sleeping and his heart has been inside Sora this entire time. He has been worrying over what, exactly? All he needs now is to find Aqua, so they can find his body. Then they’ll be together again.

He hears Riku ask Sora, “What exactly happened?”

“I fell from that tree and he thought it was hilarious.”

Terra takes small sips of the coconut water. He can’t drink too much because he’s giggling too hard. The others sit by him and listen to him go on without interrupting. The breeze blows, and this day can be more amazing if only Aqua and Ventus are there, laughing alongside him.

Terra has most of his armor on, his helmet waiting patiently in his hands. They give him a sack to hold the two paopu fruit. The mid-afternoon sun is still shining hard, but soon Terra will bid farewell to it and fly off to Radiant Garden.

“I promised I would deliver a package to Traverse Town for them,” he tells Sora and Riku. Kairi has already said her good-byes and left to spend time with her adoptive family here.

The smile on Sora’s face slowly flips upside down. “That’s right. We have to be there tonight.”

Terra remembers being told that there is a terrible Heartless attack every two nights there. “You don’t want to go?”

Sora sighs. “There are lots of other worlds I should be visiting. Like Twilight Town for example. My friends there are scared because Heartless invasions haven’t stopped and they don’t have a military to protect them. And I have friends in lots of other worlds that need help, too.”

“You don’t have to go there tonight,” Riku says. “If Terra will be there, then we can handle it on our own.” His best friend insists, but Riku holds his hand up and cuts him off. “I’m positive we’ll be fine.”

Sora nods and fist-bumps with Terra. “Til next time.”

“It seems like this was time well-spent,” Riku tells Terra when they are alone. “I’m glad Sora made you laugh, you really needed it.”

It truly is like a heavy weight being released from his chest. The headache is gone. “He has a very special gift, I’ll say that. That’s why I want to ask you to keep him safe, in case I don’t make it. Keep him away from me if I get dangerous.”

“You’ll make it.” Riku sounds quieter than normal. It’s probably be that he, too, is worried about that. It’s probably that he wants to be admired by Terra as well.

Terra holds his successor’s shoulder and gently squeezes it. “I’m very proud I chose you.”

Riku doesn’t meet his gaze, but he smiles. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Terra’s Keyblade transforms into his glider. Relaxed and ready to tackle his current responsibilities, he almost feels normal. Like he is going on a mission on any other typical day. 

This is the first time since waking up that getting his family back seems possible for him. He flies outward, leaving behind that tiny island - that small safe haven, that small blessing - alone and amid such a large, empty ocean.

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 1, Act 6: Clair de Loon

Daily Life

Kaede finally got to take her seat at the piano. It feels like it’s been ages since she was last able to play, she hadn’t spent nearly enough time in her lab since it opened. She’s glad she left the gloves Tsumugi gave her in her bag, so she could enjoy the feel of the ivory keys at her fingertips. Feel the music flow through her, around her. She could hardly even notice anyone else around her in that moment.

Which is how the little mage managed to startle her so badly with her innocent interruption, and Kaede hit her knee against the underside of said piano something fierce.

“N-nyeh? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, of course I am! What’s going on, sorry I kinda went in my own little world there for a bit.” (Nothing is okay. Everything is hell and it hurts.Why me? But I better keep smiling, so nobody needs to worry.)

“Nah, it’s okay. I do it all the time too.” (We’ve noticed. Not sure you aren’t still in it.)

“Is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah. Just wanted to tell you how pretty it sounded and thought me talking to you would be less jarring than Tenko since she’s headed this way. Sorry.”

“Kaede~ And Himiko! What do you think? Isn’t this cute~ I feel like a princess!” Tenko sing-songed right on cue, giving a twirl of a curtsy as she did. Not that Himiko was paying her any attention. (It would probably be cuter if I didn’t know her personality or need to worry about how she’d react to a guy agreeing.)

It was an elegant blue ball gown, the color not unlike her uniform’s. The dress’s ruffles even mimicked her normal skirt’s layered style, just to a much more modest degree. Her hair was done in a much more understandable set of buns too, tied with little green bows like the one large one she normally had.

“It’s beautiful on you Tenko. I didn’t know you’d be so comfortable in that sort of thing. Almost expected you in a suit like Himiko, for mobility or something.”

“Yeah, it looks great. And that reminds me…” Himiko began as an oddly serious expression came across her face. “Make fun of Kiyo’s clothes and I’ll hex you both. I mean it. I’ll use my “every time you sneeze you’ll think you’d had an accident” curse and everything, so you better be nice.”

“W-what sort of accident?! And what qualifies as “making fun of” for this? What did he do?!”

The tiny girl didn’t answer Tenko’s question as she ran off to have some words with… Maki? No, the hair wasn’t long enough for Maki. And she wasn’t anywhere near six feet tall-

Okay, now this just isn’t fair. (It is quite the relief though, I was worried it’d be something more drastic.)

Kiyo’s definition of “more comfortable” for the evening was apparently a red woman’s kimono with an orange and blue floral pattern, tied with an orange and green scale patterned obi. The mask was off as per Kokichi’s petty request, but aside from that and his hands, the dress covered nearly as much as his regular clothing did, though he had quite a heel on his brown zori. His hat was gone but he had taken his odd chain off its band to use in his hair for now.

AND HE’S ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE NOW, THIS ISN’T FAIR! I’ve never been able to pull off even a simple yukata that well during the summer’s festival season, what gives? And why does Kiyo of all people look better like this than he does in his normal clothes!… Oh dear. Does this mean I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did when I got up this morning? I was not ready to go through something like this today...

“Oh wow she looks amazing- W-wait, that’s not… Was Tenko mistaken in thinking Kiyo’s been another degenerate male this whole time?! Has this all been some sort of act? She is not okay with any of this!”

“Nope, he’s still definitely a guy, his sister even called him “little brother”. But I’m pretty sure the way I’m thinking about him right now is still a sign of something new and I don’t know how to feel about that either.”

“Not necessarily but thank you for the compliment.” The person in question's voice came from behind them in a needlessly cheery fashion, having lost Himiko to Angie. (HOLY SHIT HOW DOES HE STILL DO THE NINJA THING IN HEELS?!… HOW DOES HE WALK IN SHOES LIKE THOSE??? There is no justice in this world.)

Tenko’s squawk returned so it sounds like Kaede wasn’t the only one to forget how Kiyo could move like a ghost. Considering her misandry, reaction times, and combat experience it’s probably more impressive to shock her. Her responses are certainly more amusing and vocal, given how he’s gone into a giggle fit.

“... Why?” (Thank you Tenko for being able to restrain yourself to only one question. I wouldn’t.)

“I hardly saw a reason why not to give this a try. I thought it would be more interesting to see how I’d be received while looking like this. I don’t feel like... “myself” without my mask anymore I suppose, so why should I look like "myself" with it gone? Miss Shirogane’s eager acceptance and comparisons to her hobby’s notions regarding "crossplaying" were already pleasant surprises for this study.” (“Miss Shirogane” is oddly formal for him to use isn’t it?)

“Did she help you with the lipstick and eyeshadow too?”

“No, that’s my handiwork. A steady hand is infinitely useful when transcribing works you know. Did she help with your nails by chance?” (Too close! Stop getting distracted. Too. Fucking. Pretty- Wait what?)

“... Rantaro did actually. I almost forgot about that with everything that happened, Tsumugi had pulled me aside to try some nail art with me in the game room and after she used a pink “gradient” on mine he happened to pass by and thought this two-toned “French slant” might suit me better instead. It helps make them look longer he said, since I keep them short to make playing piano easier.” (And Tsumugi got super jealous that a “normie” like him upstaged her like that too, but I’ll keep that to myself for now.)

“Huh?! But they’re so cute, how did he know how to do this sort of stuff?” Tenko asked, and seemed to be having troubles actually processing this information.

“From helping his little sisters I presume? Sister needed some help with her own from time to time too.” (That explains his own nails, which are so much nicer than mine. He even managed to keep them longer than I do, those don’t look plastic! Doesn’t explain the scars poking out from his sleeves though. Gah, bad territory! Whether I’m feeling jealous or attracted to him is a much safer rabbit hole to go down than that is right now.)

“Sisters? I didn’t know he had more than one. Thought he had learned it from a girlfriend at first, to be honest, but yeah.” Kaede said with a somber smile which Kiyo seemed to have understood with the sympathetic look in his eyes as he gave a nod.

“He had a number as I understood it, but he lost contact with them and kept things rather vague. It came up when we talked about traveling, he was surprisingly experienced in that way. We even had some overlap in previous destinations. I wonder if it could have been related to his forgotten talent.” (Was Rantaro really offended when I thought he was some sort of playboy if his father was one? How else would you just lose contact with family but divorce issues?)

“I... never really talked to him at all come to think of it.” Tenko softly admitted, regret clear in her voice.

“Given your stance on men in general, this is far from surprising." Kiyo replied in a snide tone, before switching to one much more melancholy, "It is a shame how life works out, isn't it?”

“Kiyo! I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you manage to bring the mood down again. This isn’t exactly good for a “Lovely Assistant” you know, we’re supposed to be bringing smiles to people tonight!” Himiko’s apparently broken away from talking to Angie and pointed at him with a cross looking pout. (Hey, Kiyo’s not a “warlock” anymore! And at least the "lovely" thing isn't just me and Tenko. I hope this is a good sign, since she didn’t make him a "mage" too.)

“Ah, quite right. Now’s not the best time for bittersweet reminiscing, my apologies.” He said with a bow, as Tenko went off with Himiko and Angie. Which was all for the better considering how loud the person who was sashaying over to them was. In more ways than one.

“Hey dumpy tits what’s that face for- … OH COME ON!”

Nope, not even Miu’s sexy getup is enough to be better looking than Kiyo. Not sure if I’m hoping Kirumi can be the one to try and answer my dilemma. But I'm pretty sure if he didn’t start laughing again that would have been enough to set Himiko on her curse thing though. It’s sorta sweet how protective she’s being over this, given how they weren’t close before. And almost adorable given their huge height difference too, like a really weird set of siblings.

“Kukuku~ Not to worry, that’s a reaction I’m used to by now. So tell me your thoughts: Am I pretty?” (Of course, you fucking are you smugass sonuva- Oh wait I get it, this is from that one Yokai thing isn’t it?)

“Should you really be asking anyone that now when you’re not wearing the face mask?”

There’s that gleam in his eye he gets when someone finds the answer he’s looking for! It’s weird being able to see him smile along with it now, probably weirder than seeing him in lipstick and makeup like this honestly. Have his lashes always been this long?  Something about his eyes looks different tonight-  STOP CHECKING HIM OUT AND FOCUS DAMNIT, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW NICE HE LOOKS RIGHT NOW!

“Issat one of your culture nerd things? Is that’s what’s happening here right now? Because if saying “yes” is a bad thing I ain’t touching it.” Miu huffed. (She’s pretty obviously jealous though. She keeps looking at his chest and then back at her own as if confused why her “girls” didn’t give her a bigger advantage here.)

“That’s fair, as there is often no “right” answer to the Kuchisake-onna’s query anyway.”

“The what now- ya’know what nevermind, maybe later. HEY KIBO YOU FORGOT SOMETHING!”

Miu quickly wandered off to the ‘bot, who… Didn’t look all that different aside from his hair being a little less poofy. Until his face changed colors after realizing how much leg her pink dress was exposing at any rate. Or because he noticed her plunging neckline instead, given how his height made him basically eye-level with the bottom of it. It was hard to tell as either would work in this situation, which suited Miu pretty well.

Her hair was much tamer than it usually is, though it was still a rather messy bun all things considered, but her “antenna” were quickly starting to come loose from how she’s almost dancing around him while randomly poking at certain areas. (Pressing buttons perhaps?)

Any questions about what she was trying to do were quickly cleared up as the areas that were normally glowing cyan on the robot started to cycle through colors. It was rather unsettling to see how his eyes could change to match, which is likely why she made them go back to his “natural” blue setting instead.

“Kiyo did realize I was kidding before right? About the hooke- OW, HEY!” (YOU. I BLAME YOU FOR THIS. And maybe thank you for it? I feel so conflicted right now. At least you still aren’t attractive to me.)

Sounds like Kokichi was cut off by a rough slap on his back by Ryoma who was sitting on the nearby railing, which would have easily looked like a friendly gesture between them to people just giving the two a glance and weren’t able to hear the context for it.

“Shut up man, just let him have his fun and don’t be a dick about it. Whatever makes him happy, who cares?... I’ve never even met anyone who actually knew how to put on that sorta thing before come to think of it. It’s interesting to see that bit of culture in person for a change. Makes a guy feel a bit underdressed though, even looking like this. It’s weird comparing traditional wear to western stuff.”

“You didn’t need to hit me though! Meanie. Betcha you wouldn’t have been able to reach me there if you weren’t cheating either, shorty. And why didn’t anyone tell me Kee-boy could double as a disco ball?!”

“You still have a ways to go before you can really call me that short stuff. But I don’t think he knew until just now, so not sure anyone else could’ve.”

Both Kokichi and Ryoma were in more conventional suits, almost surprising given their heights. Kokichi’s being almost all white, with a purple shirt and his checkered neckerchief sticking out of a pocket, while Ryoma’s was a traditional black with a loosely done blue tie, ginger hair out for all to see. (Is it mean to wonder if Tsumugi had to get these from the kid’s section or large toys or something? Mostly for Ryoma.)

“Yeah, his panels just couldn’t keep from tearing through anything I have on hand that I thought would work for him. If my lab was here then I’m sure I could have made him something nice, but at least Miu found an easy alternative. Not sure it’s as “useful” as she claimed it could be when she tried to explain it to me earlier, but maybe it could be related to a flashlight feature or something?”

Tsumugi’s dress was rather simple, a sexy medium length light blue qípáo with gold trim. Behind her was Kirumi, with a red rose in her lacy headband and a long black and white Victorian dress with a matching rose pattern on it. As she offered before she’s left any and all aprons she has behind for the evening.

Welp. Good news: Someone is finally prettier than Kiyo and I can safely say now I’ve definitely learned something new about my tastes tonight. Bad news: Having “really tall, dark, kinda eerie femme fatale” as my type of feminine person I’m attracted to does not bode well for me. Particularly not in this setting.

“At least everything else has worked out nicely. When exactly will Himiko’s show begin?”

“Well, I guess the first thing to make sure is that everyone’s here right? Then we’ll just need to ask her and Kiyo.”

“I think we all are, if you’re talkin’ like Kiyo’s here already. I hadn’t seen him yet.” (Of course, you haven’t Kaito. I don't think this will end well.)

Kaito’s hair is remarkably untouched all things considered, just wearing an indigo men’s yukata with a subtle star pattern to it and a white robe over it like his coat. Maki’s hair was in a ponytail, and was in a red dress that looks like it has one of those cowl necks that can be used to make a hood, and given how much she was playing with her long locks she appeared rather uncomfortable with her new setting.

Past her Kaede could see Angie skipping about in a long white sundress around Gonta who didn’t look all that different than usual. Looks like not even Tsumugi could convince him to tame his hair or wear shoes for the night. Still, her work on everyone else was amazing, especially if she didn’t base them on characters or anything. If she did it’s not like Kaede would be able to tell, but they felt original tonight.

It looked like everything was just about ready to begin, but Kiyo looked rather concerned. He hid his mouth behind his hand by force of habit or to avoid lip reading as he spoke to Kaede in hushed tones.

“Himiko might need a bit of time to settle her nerves again, would you mind playing something first?”

Kaito’s definitely seen Kiyo now, after he came over to whisper in Kaede’s ear like that, and looked even less comfortable than Maki does. Too bad seeing Kaito’s reaction was enough to set Himiko off, but she was shaking less now, as the blissfully unaware Tenko still tried to act as her one person cheer squad.

He also noticed how she was muttering under her breath and giving him her best glare, since he looked mildly terrified and moved to place the now definitely blushing Maki between him and the young witch’s wrath. Kiyo was clearly amused by all of this, given he was clearly barely able to keep himself from laughing behind his hand as he approached Kaito assumedly to try and ease Himiko’s concerns.

… Or just to make things worse on purpose because he can, that works too. Kaede could hear he had switched to using a falsetto now just to aggravate any issues Kaito was having with him as he spoke with an unkind smile on his face. But seeing them “talk” did make Himiko’s muttering stop for the time being.

Good grief. This was more the creepy semi-sadistic sort of thing I was expecting of him in general. It’s probably for the better I take up his suggestion for now until people settle down some more. Now’s as good a time as any to play that song, isn’t it? I'm sorry it’s so late Shuichi. Then I'll do a song for Rantaro too.

It was easy to let any awkwardness or tenseness from the group fall away as Kaede played Clair de Lune. It was always easy to lose herself and her troubles in her focus on the music, on the keys and pedals before her. The songs never lasted long enough, it was always as if they ended too soon for her regardless of what it was, but she appreciated the polite applause and praise she received when it did. And pointedly ignored the few wolf whistles from Miu and Kokichi.

Himiko was as ready as she’d ever be at this point, so she and Kiyo took to her stage. She had Kiyo introduce her and provide almost fairytale-like explanations for everything she’d be doing for the night.

Thank goodness he stopped doing the falsetto, that’s too random for this since we know how he talks normally. Unless he wanted to do some Rakugo thing for his talent, it might work for something like that.

She went through an interesting variety, starting with “Incorporeal Vorpal Blades”, an unusual combination of her “saw in half” trick with a “disappearing box” act that made it very hard to tell where exactly Kiyo actually was during the performance until it finished.

After a few rounds of that she went to “Wyrd Maiden” magic, which given the subject did result in some laughs as Kiyo pulled out his falsetto again to play up the title despite Himiko’s attempt at giving him a firm pout, starting with the box-of-swords trick that somehow resulted in Kiyo coming out of Himiko’s “witch’s brew” that was sitting far off to the side.

They finished up with her take on “Wingardium Leviosa”, where upon the release of her various doves Himiko moved so quickly it was like she disappeared, leaving only her hat in her place. After a few moments when Kiyo hammed it up again while showing everyone that there were no doors in that area the banners above the stage began to move, showing Himiko proudly standing between the columns up above them to everyone’s applause.

Too bad they hadn’t actually sorted out for her to get back down though as she began looking around, rubbing the back of her neck like she forgot what she was supposed to be doing, which got some laughs from those who thought it was part of the show as Kiyo and Tenko mimed to her where to go.

When she was back safely on the ground, she asked if it would be okay to run off to the restroom for a bit now that her show was done. Kaede went back to playing for the night as Gonta released the various breeds of fireflies and beetles he collected that would each release their own pleasant glow as they took off to the night sky. (Given the glowing shapes moving along the ground there were probably glowworms or nightcrawlers or whatever too. Ick.)

No one suspected anything was wrong until Tenko went to see what was taking Himiko so long to get back, given how smoothly everything had went. Even then that was easy to forget about, Kaede couldn’t even be sure how long Tenko was gone looking. It wasn’t until she came running back, scared and asking for help that a problem was clear so those closest to the door ran to where Himiko had been going last.

When she, Kaede, Kiyo, and Angie made it to the bathroom door the dreaded announcement’s chime began to sound. Himiko was dead on the floor, blood seeping from her neck with a lifeless stare.

With that, the killing game began again. Despite their best efforts, it was time to begin a new investigation. ( And now this time we don’t even have a true detective to help us figure out why. )

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[salty--alien]

Deeply Wired - cp. 4

Prologue | cp. 1 | cp. 2 | cp. 3 | Ao3

Summary: It’s 2904. A mechanician known as the Doctor finds a broken android, Rose, and decides to take it with him and fix it. The two become closer quickly but soon a mysterious virus inside Rose starts acting up and revealing its true capabilities, changing everything. When Rose’s previous owner comes around and tries to get a hold of the Bad Wolf virus, the two are left with no choice. What lengths will they go to keep Rose away from the evil hands of the Master?

Pairing: Tenth Doctor x android!Rose Tyler (au)

Chapter: 5/?

Rating: T

Wordcount: 2439

Notes: Huge thanks to both @wordsintimeandspace and @starlightkissedsmiles for beta’ing this chapter <3

----------------------------

After that night things between the Doctor and Rose started healing. Rose began discovering herself all over again with the help of the Doctor, following his tinkering with a newfound interest. He could see that she didn’t fully trust him yet. He could see it from the way she would hesitate before asking him a question or from the way she didn’t rely on him as much. It hurt, of course, but the Doctor also understood it. Her asking questions was a way to rebuild the lost trust back. And he was glad Rose was beginning to construct an independent self image.

“So, how much of it was true?” Rose asked one day as the Doctor was working on a broken computer.

“From what?” he asked, not quite sure what Rose was referring to.

“Y’know, from the story of how you found me. I was unconscious… well, shut down, more like. Was I really just lying on the street?”

The Doctor’s expression darkened as he remembered the way he had first found her. Bruised and ripped apart brutally with no remorse. “...It’s not a pretty story,” he said. “I don’t think you’d like hearing that.” “I don’t care. I asked you a question,” Rose responded stubbornly. The Doctor sighed. “Well, alright. I didn’t find you on the streets. I found you in a… in a scrapyard.”

Rose’s eyes widened in horror. Androids didn’t like scrapyards. They held a dark history of android brutality. Junkyards were meant for garbage and machinery, not androids. It was highly offensive to abandon broken AI there. Unfortunately, it happened regularly.

Rose might not be aware of every social and cultural taboo there was, but she had been watching the TV awfully lot for the past few days. Even if she hadn’t, the Doctor was almost sure that some sort of android instinct in Rose knew the implication of what being abandoned in a scrapyard meant.

“I… “ Rose began, voice wavering. She brought her hand to her lips. “I was abandoned in a s… scrapyard?” She said it like a dirty word. The Doctor could only look down and nod. “Yeah. And it’s not all. I don’t have to tell you if you don’t want to hear it, though.”

At the Doctor’s words Rose visibly steeled herself, shaking her head. “No. I can take it. Tell me.” It’s not like it could’ve been any worse than that, right?

Well, the Doctor knew it was.

“I didn’t find you whole, Rose. You had been chopped to pieces, uh… limbs off.” The Doctor glanced over at Rose who was gripping the edge of the workbench, looking a bit nauseous.

“You are whole now, though,” he said, reaching out for Rose’s hand. Her knuckles were marble white against the table. She did, however, look back at the Doctor and take his hand. There was a nod.

“You fixed me. I’m okay now,” she agreed, falling silent again. “...’s just. Why would someone do that?” she asked, a deep frown crumbling her face.

“I can only hope it wasn’t a person who did it,” the Doctor answered. “It’s possible it was a wild animal.” Thinking about it still made the Doctor’s skin crawl, but at least it was easier to accept than some person actually being heartless enough to do something like that to another living being.

It was when the Doctor felt a firm squeeze in his hand that he realised they were still holding hands. He looked up, smiling at the android beside him. Even in her distraught state she managed to smile back at him with reassurance and love.

He never wanted to let go of her hand ever again.

--------------------------

Sunlight shed light on the workshop through the colourful leaves of the old elm tree standing in front of his window. The shadows of the leaves draped across the Doctor and Rose’s faces, gently filtering the light. It was a calm afternoon, just the way the Doctor liked it. It was even better with Rose at his side.

“Are there androids who don’t have owners?”

“Of course. There are plenty.”

“D’ya suppose I had an owner, though?” Rose asked. She was in a mood for questions today, it seemed. The Doctor took a moment to ponder her question before answering.

“It’s likely, yeah. Your model was produced for…” he felt iffy even saying it, “service purposes.”

“Was produced?” Rose asked in surprise.

“Yep. Your model unit isn’t produced anymore. Most of the RO-53 units have been replaced with RO-54 units,” he explained.

“What’s so good about them that I can’t do?” Rose frowned, suddenly very defensive. The Doctor sighed.

“Nothing. And I mean it. RO-54 units are different because humans aim to build them without emotions. Purely for service and work. Your model was too… rebellious, so to speak. So it had to be replaced with a model better suited for its intended purpose.”

“...Wow,” Rose let out. “That’s just messed up.”

“I know,” the Doctor sighed. ”It’s just downright cruel. Humans want to control everything, but what we don’t seem to realise is that you cannot control life. We can try to rule an individual’s independent mind but that has never ended well.”

“I feel bad for them,” Rose said. Of course she would. She didn’t want anyone to suffer. “They must be so scared. People are messing up with their circuits and trying to turn them into machines. We’re not machines.”

“No, you’re not,” the Doctor agreed. Androids were higher than highest high tech. That’s what he’d always thought. Treating them merely as machinery was positively insulting.

He continued fixing the computer’s motherboard after their conversation dried out. Rose sat beside the Doctor quietly, following every movement of his clever fingers. It was comforting, having someone just sitting there and keeping him silent company. He knew that many people didn’t like it when someone was watching you work and it made them uncomfortable, but luckily the Doctor wasn’t one of those people. Maybe he’d been alone for too long to ever mind having somebody close, who knew.

“Give me the small screwdriver?” the Doctor asked, blindly reaching his arm out towards Rose who was sitting next to the toolbox.

“The one with the blue handle?” Rose asked, moving the tools around with one hand.

“No, the thin yellow one that has a cross shaped end.”

After hearing the tools clattering around, the Doctor felt Rose’s hand brush against his reached out one, giving the small utensil to him.

“Thanks,” he mumbled as he continued working with the tiny teensy bits of the damaged motherboard. “Whose computer are you fixing?” Rose inquired.

“It belongs to Mrs. Tyler,” the Doctor answered, absorbed into his work. “A nice lady. Widowed, no children. She’s a bit scary, though. Lives across the street. I repair her stuff from time to time.” “For free?” He could practically see the frown on her face, solely based on her tone.

“Uh… Maybe? As I said, she’s a bit scary,” the Doctor chuckled. “Slapped me once. But she has a heart of gold. She sometimes comes by to give me home-cooked food because I forget to eat.” “Aww, that’s nice of her,” Rose approved. For a while, nobody spoke.

“Come to think of it, there’s this funny thing I just remembered.”

“What’s that?” Rose asked.

“Weeelll… She has this dog. A tiny, tiny thing. Always barking and challenging dogs three times her size.”

“Okay…? Did the dog slap you too or what?” Rose quipped, grinning. The Doctor paused his work, looking at the chuckling android, feigning offence: “Oi!”

“Obviously not. Is just… I just remembered the dog’s name,” the Doctor admitted, embarrassed. Rose was still confused.

“So?” she questioned.

“Well… The dog’s name might or might not be Rose.” Rose’s face sobered instantly.

“What? You named me after a dog?!”

Furious. She was absolutely furious. The Doctor was quick to defend himself: “No Rose, I swear! I didn’t even remember it until now! I promise! I just… since your model is RO-53 I thought it’d be clever to… you know, the number five is kinda like the letter ‘s’ and the three is like a backwards ‘e’, right? So I‒”

“...Okay, okay Doctor, I believe you! You don’t need to explain it. Just… what the heck? That’s not funny!” Rose laughed, clearly unamused. “Not funny,” she repeated as she tried to tamp down her own laughter.

The Doctor relaxed at the sight of her, giggling and trying to be cross with him (and failing) at the same time. It was impossible not to smile at that.

Rose noticed him smiling and pointed an accusing finger at him in a half-hearted attempt to be intimidating.

“Stop smiling! I’m still very cross with you!” she tried.

The Doctor didn’t stop smiling.

--------------------------

The Doctor wasn’t a big fan of clothes shopping. He had said it before and he would remind everyone of that again if necessary. However, he noticed as he had once again tagged along with Rose to buy her new clothing, he did have a small soft spot for a certain android. Well. Small was a relative word. In reality, he was absolutely smitten, even to the point where he voluntarily accompanied Rose in clothing stores. Just seeing the android’s face light up at the concept of possessions of her own made it all worth it in the Doctor’s opinion.

Now the two were back at his workshop and Rose was walking around with her brand new pink sweater on.

Had he just said that just seeing her happy face was enough of a reward? Well, while that was correct, it was nothing compared to the hugs she gave him. Her new sweater was soft and warm, but the person wearing it was even softer. The Doctor did nothing more gladly than swoop the android up in a big hug and hear her laugh as he swirled them around.

When had he become so attached to her?

As the sun was starting to set the Doctor found himself staring at Rose instead of his work. The android was gazing out of the big window, light hitting her face in an aesthetic way that you’d see in the movies. Her brown eyes were like pools of gold against the sunlight, almost glowing.

Rose noticed the Doctor staring at her, mildly startled but quickly recovering with a gentle smile.

“What?” she asked, reaching her hand out to clasp their fingers together.

“Nothing,” he answered in kind, snapping out of his trance. “Just lost in thought.” Rose grinned. “It happens when you have such a big brain,” she teased. The Doctor smiled, biting his lip.

“Yeah, it does.”

Rose smiled wide, pressing her chin against her other shoulder. The android’s hair slumped across her face at the movement. Rose tried to nudge the mass of hair away with the help of her face and shoulder, turning to gaze at the Doctor with a wistful expression on her face.

“What?” he asked in turn, blushing from the attention he was given. Rose shrugged, squeezing his hand.

“I saw the mail at the door the other day. It was designated to someone called ‘John Smith’. So I was thinking, ‘who’s that?’ I’ve never heard you mention any John, but it’s clearly not coming to the wrong place since you open it and...” Rose’s voice faded out at the Doctor’s awkward silence and her eyes widened in realisation. “Oh. Oh! Shit, I’ve been so stupid,” she laughed. “You are John Smith,” Rose realised, an embarrassed look passing across her face.

“...Yeah, that’s… that’s me,” the Doctor said, ruffling his hair with his free hand nervously. “Never really adapted to that one,” he admitted. Rose was having a full moment of her mind being blown, though.

“I never even questioned it, for some reason. I always just thought you were called the Doctor, but… wow.” The Doctor smiled.

“It’s a rather boring name, isn’t it?” he asked, waiting for Rose to say what every other person who knew his whole name usually said first.

“No! Well… yes, but… okay, it is rather boring,” Rose admitted, “fits you perfectly, though,” she added with a tongue touched grin.

“Oi!”

“Just kidding, Doctor! You’re not boring,” Rose giggled and squeezed their hands together briefly before letting go and getting up.

“Boring, yeah right,” the Doctor mumbled before continuing his work.

--------------------------

The rest of the evening went by in a blur. The Doctor was working on Mrs. Tyler’s computer and Rose was listening to a very old fashioned and retro radio the Doctor had in his workshop. She had a lot of fun checking out the different radio stations.

“Do people even have radios anymore?” she had asked, amused. Technology had left radios behind centuries ago. The Doctor, however, had all sorts of weird gadgets in his workshop. Besides, he liked how simple the old things were. No hundreds of different buttons for a single function. Just a volume button and the one that you could use to change stations. Besides, he liked to remind Rose, those radios were amazing because you could hear all sorts of classical music from them. Since radios weren’t a thing anymore, most radio stations were gone. Some of them were still up and running. Mostly playing classics like Britney Spears’ ballad, Toxic, or the speech podcasts of the ever famous storyteller, Snoop Dogg. The Doctor never quite understood the messages of his stories. So fast-paced and… well, explicit. Rose told him it was “called art”.

The doorbell rang as the Doctor was just finishing up with the computer. Rose was in the kitchen doing her own thing.

“Someone’s at the door,” Rose announced after the bell’s ringing.

“Yeah, it’s Mrs. Tyler. She’s here to get her computer back, just in time!” the Doctor quipped, speeding up with the last touches.

“Should I go open or will you go?” Rose questioned. “Yeah, go open the door for her. I’ll be there in a minute, I’m just going to finish the computer up,” he requested, trying to be as quick as possible. He heard Rose’s steps as she walked out of the room, doing what was asked of her. He heard the door open but no further sounds of any kind.

“...Doctor?” That was Rose’s voice.

Finishing up, the Doctor got up from his seat, wiped his dirty hands on his shirt and hurried to the door.

As soon as he reached the door and Rose he froze beside her, looking at the visitor who most certainly was not Mrs. Tyler.

“Hello, Doctor Smith. I’m here to reclaim my RO-53 unit.”

[ttransthirteen]

okay here we go! for sol: 8, 35, 19; for hernandez: 45, 5, 13; for jericho: 3,17, 24; for nikola: 40, 43, 50; for nix, 9, 22, 29, for scott: 3, 36, 27; for hero: 34, 18, 6; for lynx: 10, 26, 44!! sorry if that's too many!!

anon i have no idea how you know all these characters enough to send me specific ones for their names, but i want you to know this is the best thing that has happened to me in weeks and you are the absolute light of my life. if you believe in a higher power i wish you blessings and happiness for years to come. 

here we go!! (also this is so long im sorry, I tried to sort them if anybody is actually curious about any of them)

Sol- 

8. did they have pets as a child? as an adult? do they like animals?

Dani Solis, or just Sol to her coworkers, is a mechanic who never quite understood living things. she grew up in outer space and never really had the opportunity to have a pet, although the constant traveling meant she got to see a ridiculous variety of life. When she was a little girl, she would sometimes find a cockroach or other bug on the ship and catch it, keeping it and feeding it until it died. it was never a very satisfying experience, probably adding to her obsession with immortal machines. 

35. whats their guilty pleasure? what is their totally unguilty pleasure?

I’d call Eric her guilty pleasure. they would have ended up together if I hadn’t killed him off mid-breakdown. Most people live on a planet, but she doesn’t have one, so to her any sort of truly meaningful human connection is dangerous and off-limits. but she loves him deeply, although it scares her. Unguilty, I’d say shes kind of a hoarder. her bunk is full of knick-knacks from every corner of the explored universe. she spends pretty much her entire salary on it tbh

19. whats their least favorite genres? 

if this is about literature, she thinks fantasy is stupid. if it’s music, she loves rap and techno but has never really been able to tolerate slow guitar pieces about how beautiful planet life is. think space-age country. 

Hernandez-

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

this is a big one for him. Captain Eric Hernandez is a trans man, so for a lot of his life yeah there was a massive difference. but after he transitioned, I would say the main difference would be that the people around him see him as cold, kind of scary. he’s not scary, he’s scared. he sees himself as small and weak, even after he straight up murdered his abuser and took his place as captain. His friends would say he is the strongest, bravest man they’ve ever known. They would be right.

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

He has two sisters and two brothers, I don’t know any of their names. He was very close with all of them and misses them every day. Since he ran away to avoid having to pretend to be a woman his whole life, and then murdered a guy, contacting any of them would have been massively dangerous. He couldn’t even tell any of them he was leaving because he wasn’t out to them. In the version of his story where he’s executed, they all get letters from Sol explaining everything. In the version where he lives, he sends the letters himself.

13. What is their least favorite food?

fish was never available to him as a kid, and he never acquired the taste. 

Jericho-

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

this isnt something i get to say about my ocs a lot, but he did. he had a lovely childhood. he grew up with a loving father in a huge, beautiful city where he was free to explore and learn to his hearts content. he has especially fond memories of wandering around the actual ground of the city where basically nobody ever goes, looking at bugs and mold and plants with his little junior scientist magnifying glass, looking them up on his computer-band. the worst ones were probably nights where his dad had to work and he was lonely in their apartment, bc those were the nights he wondered about his mom. 

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

He’ll take photographs of cool specimen, but mostly he carries a journal and prefers to take notes. he takes notes on absolutely everything and has boxes and boxes of old notebooks in his closet at home. 

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

my boy jericho has very little trouble sleeping and is fine with the govt issues firm mattress. he is quiet and still and sleeps deeply. 

Ok! switching universes! these characters are completely disconnected from those three.

Nikola Tchaikova- 

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

I’m not sure she’s ever even tried it. Nikola is a full blown alcoholic and anything that makes her feel more alert is probably not something she’s gonna enjoy. Her natural senses and awareness are absolutely through the roof, so it’s not something she really needs at all. She does like sweets though. Back when she had her family, her and her close companions use to sneak away sometimes and go out to the city for milkshakes and music, and those are probably her fondest memories. 

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

When she was a very young girl she might have worshipped the christian/jewish/muslim god, or at least attempted to. For a young shifter where she grew up, life was rough, and she would have had a hard time finding the meaning in it all. but later in life, after the war, the major religion worshipped shifters and obviously that was ridiculous to her, so she kind of looks down on the whole thing. She might still be a little envious of the purpose and comfort that the worshippers get and that is missing so much from her life, but one of the main gods in their pantheon is based on her kid brother’s best friend. its hard to take that seriously. (the idea is that there were 5 original all powerful shifters who made the real world ones. this is wrong. shifters were a science experiment gotten out of control, and Nikola knows that.)

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

She would pack her knife, which her long dead brother gave her about 1500 years ago. she would take the pendant she wears, which was symbolic of the leadership position she used to hold before the people she was leading were all killed. She has a photo collection that she says never looks at out of fear of the light ruining them. Her best friend made her some copies, but she doesn’t look at those either. I think it hurts her to see the faces of the people she misses. She has a small bag of things tucked into the back of her closet that she never, ever touches or looks at. After the massacre that took her family, Angelo (the only survivor, her best friend) went through the carnage and collected the possessions of their friends. Nikola helped him bury them, but she couldn’t stand to take their things. he gave them to her afterwards, and she’s only every managed to take them out and look at them when she’s so drunk she knows she won’t remember the next day. But she would never leave them behind.

Nix- 

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

Domenico “Nix” Tchaikova is Nikola’s son, so half-shifter. Shifters are, by necessity, a bit closer to nature than the rest of us, and even though he has almost no actual form changing abilities animals have always seemed to like him a bit more than his friends. He’s always assumed that it’s because of his prosthetic leg, that they realize he couldn’t chase them if he wanted to, but animals know things, and they can sense that he’s not quite the same as the other humans. 

22. What are their favorite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

Nix would never insult someone behind their back- he has a temper, and if you piss him off he’s gonna confront you on the spot. His insults tend not to be physical. he might call you ugly if hes real mad, but hes much more likely to call you a coward or an idiot. He gets hit a lot for this. 

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

No, he’d never tease someone for being genuinely afraid. He knows fear too well to try and use it against people. If somebody he cared about was afraid of something, he would plant his tiny self between them and whatever it was no matter what. hes used to being seen as small and weak and incapable, and its resulted in a stupidly brave boy who gets himself into trouble a lot because he doesnt know when to back down.

Scott-

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

My boy!!! This is another one of Nikola’s children, one of the triplets. if you just read her thing, you can probably guess that she wouldn’t be a very good mother. Angelo, his father, was always loving and supportive, but both of his parents were just sad people who weren’t really prepared to raise three children. They grew up in the century before the war broke out, in a political climate that feared and hated them, among countless news stories of people like them being murdered and hunted. but Nikola still managed to give them a reasonably normal childhood. She found a place to settle down, near enough to a city that they could socialize and explore but far enough away they they grew up in the woods and could explore their natural abilities without being hunted down by hate groups. 

He has a lot of good memories! pretty much all of them are him doing dumb shit with his siblings. they used to use their shifting to break into concerts or fly up to the roofs of tall buildings. 

As for bad ones. definitely most of his bad memories are on Nikola’s head. He was the shifter equivalent of about eight years old when he saw her kill somebody for the first time. she didn’t know he was there, but im not sure if knowing would have changed anything. she’s been on a very long, very complicated vengeance quest since before he was born. She had tracked somebody down, and he watched while she slowly cornered him. You could practically smell the terror coming off the man as she drew her blade, moving towards him as she spoke. He had never heard her talk about the deaths of her family before, and as she told her prey all about how she had come home to find her kid brother on the floor with his throat slit open, there was something in her voice that he would never forget for the rest of his life. then he watched his mother put a knife through the bottom of the man’s jaw into his brain. he saw the light go out of his eyes, and he saw the absolute emptiness in his mother’s when she turned around. He ran as fast as he could back to his siblings and cried, but never told them what he saw. 

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

He can sing!!! he has a voice like an angel and he loves to use it. he plays about twenty instruments- hes had a long time to learn- and he always carries at least one on him. he can use weaponry and is good at it, but doesnt enjoy it. 

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

He doesn’t cry often. He doesn’t care if his siblings see him cry- theyre all so close its like crying in private- but with other people he doesnt like it. He just gets quiet when he’s sad. He’s not the moodiest of his siblings(that title goes to Lynx) but they all inherited something from their parents that makes them quiet, serious people on the whole. He feels deeply and thinks about things. Hes bisexual. I know that doesn’t go here but its important. He cried after he slept with a man for the first time, not because he was upset with himself about the gay thing but because he’d let himself fall for a human. The boy’s name was Jacob, and he didn’t understand but tried to comfort him anyways because he cared about Scott. They dated for a while, but Scott couldn’t handle knowing he would age and die so quickly and broke it off. Jacob was 43 when he was killed in a bombing during the war. Funerals had stopped happening at that time, people unable to keep up with all the dead. But there were still graves, and Scott visited Jacob’s for years afterwards. 

Hero-

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

She looks a lot like her mom. about 5′7, muscular, strong features. She got her dads eyes though, the only one of her siblings to have them. Scott and Lynx and Nix all have Nikki’s distinctive golden-ringed brown. She likes her body fine, its a good and strong body. she likes that shes not the shortest of her siblings(lynx is tied and nix is smaller) but other than that she doesnt really care. 

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

She was never much of a reader, and the only tv she ever got to see was when there was one on in a restaurant. She did enjoy films though, and her favorites were action. She got a certain something from Nikola that neither Scott or Lynx has, something kind of cold and fierce. Whatever it was that Scott saw in his mom’s eyes when she killed that man, exists in Hero too. Nix too, but less so. She would have liked video games a lot if she’d ever had the chance to really get into them.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

She never went to school. Her father taught her to read and write, as well as everything he thought she needed to know about the world. She spent her childhood wandering with her siblings, and most things she needed to know she got from that. All three of them had been planning on going to college, but the war came before they got the chance. But I think if she’d gotten the chance she would have had an interest in something technical. Engineering or architecture maybe. 

Lynx-

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

God I love Lynx. He would never, ever become a parent, but I think he would be a good one. Out of all of her children, Lynx inherited the most of Nikola’s sadness. In non dramatic terms she gave him her tendencies towards mental illness and its something hes struggled with his whole life. His siblings are a wonderful support system but he knows that any child of his would struggle like he has, and he has so many unhappy memories of Nikola’s misery that he would be too afraid. But children do like him, and he likes them. He’s a fun, playful person when he’s feeling good, and is absolutely delighted to discover he has a little brother. obviously hes got the same terror of losing him, but he has pushed those feelings tf down. he just wants to enjoy their relationship while he can. hes a wonderful, sweet, caring boy whos full of love and good times, but too scared of himself to ever be a parent.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? 

When he’s happy, everybody knows it. He is an absolute delight. he does dance, actually. when hes happy he does it more but also its just a thing hes good at and loves to do. humans who see it know theres something not quite natural about the way he moves, and hes beautiful to watch when hes using it to express joy. He has bright eyes and a smile that makes you feel like you are safe and loved and that everything in the entire world is gonna be ok. 

44. What is their favorite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? 

He loves any time of the year where it’s warm enough to wear skirts and loose, light shirts. The wintertime makes his depression worse, and a lot of years he and his siblings will head south to avoid it. but he loves warm breezes and cool nights by a fire, loves seeing the flowers in the spring and all the new baby animals. he isn’t at all a complainer, but when the weather is affecting him badly it’s easy to tell. he gets quiet, which is not something he is a lot. 

[ficdirectory]

The Fosters 4B: Take Two (Cruel and Unusual)

Asking

 (:38-:46)

 “I’m going to the hospital,” Mom says on the day after Jesus wakes up.

Last night, Mariana was still awake after 11 PM when Moms called home to let Brandon know Jesus was awake.  Even though Mariana had tried to pump Brandon for information, he swore that was all they said.

 Just that he was awake and he knew them.

 “Can I come?” Mariana asks, stepping forward.  She’s seriously not sure she can wait anymore.

 “After school,” Mom decides.  “Mama or I will pick you up.”

 “Okay…” Mariana breathes.  

 Still, after school seems like forever.

 Last night, she barely got any sleep.  Up every hour.  Knowing Jesus was awake but not being able to see him, not knowing for sure if he was okay was awful.

 It still felt like all of this was a dream.  Mariana’s not okay at all.  This feels like it’s all her fault.  Now Mom’s going all intense, taking off their doors and it’s making Mariana wonder what else she is going to have to lose?

 Having a door hadn’t even kept Nick out, but it was so much better than no door.

 Mama hasn’t replied to her text.

 Callie’s still not home.

 She ducks back into her doorless room and checks the bus schedule closest to Anchor Beach.  Maybe she can catch the bus up to St. Michael’s at lunch.

 She has to see Jesus.  

 “Mariana, come on!  We kinda need three of us to carry these doors,” Jude calls.

 “Fine, I’m coming!” Mariana calls, satisfied to know that she’ll be able to duck out of school - hopefully with no one the wiser since Mama’s not there today.

 Besides, it’s not like Mariana will be able to concentrate on anything today anyway.

  Evaluation

 (partial scene)

 When Moms come in, Jesus is still so tired.

 He has no idea why he’s here.  What happened.  He still has this feeling that Mariana’s in danger.  He needs to know she’s okay but he’s realizing nobody understood him when he tried to ask before.

 The lights in the room are off and the blinds only let in a bit of light.  Jesus can hear every single noise.  Every other person here.  Smell everything.  Moms’ perfume reeks and fills the whole room.  One of them had nacho cheese Doritos and it’s like he’s trapped in a brand new giant bag.

 It’s nauseating.

 “Hey.  Hey bud,” Mom touches his shoulder and he’s awake.  Barely.  Their shapes are fuzzy in the dark.  And because of his eyes.  Maybe he just needs to sleep more.

 “Hey sweetheart.”  Mama’s here, too.

 “Hi, love,” Mom again.  Her hand in his hair.  Kissing his forehead.  It hurts.

 His arm and leg are all twitchy.  Like he’s restless, but he’s totally spent.  Vaguely, Jesus wishes they would hold still.  But he doesn’t have the energy to worry.

 It’s so hard to stay awake.

 “I’m Dr. Danville.  I’m your neurologist.  Can you tell us your name?” Dr. Danville asks.

 Jesus knows his name.  Obviously.  It’s on the tip of his tongue.  It’s right there.  But he can’t say it.  It’s like the word is taking the long way from his brain to his mouth now, instead of the usual shortcut.

 Seconds crawl by.

 He blinks, trying to get his name out.  Sounds come first, because that’s how it goes on the scenic route.  Eventually, the word comes back to him and out of his mouth:

 “Uh--  Jesus…” he manages, looking to Moms to be sure they understand.  To be sure he’s actually saying what he thinks he’s saying and not just stuff no one gets.

 They smile.  The neurologist says, “Good.”  He must be in the clear then.

 He doesn’t get a break, though.  They’re just getting started.

 “Can you tell me…” Dr. Danville begins.  He takes out a tool from his bag, like he’d use to work on the garage, not like a doctor would have on him.  Jesus is too tired to wonder why he just carries it around.  “...what this is that I’m holding?”

 “It’s a--hammer,” he says.

 “Are you sure?” Dr. Danville asks.

 Jesus raises his eyebrow.  He’s sure as hell it’s a hammer.  

 “Good.  That’s a positive sign.  You know the category.  That this is a tool, right?  But you said it was a screwdriver,” Dr. Danville points out.

 Oh God.  It’s happening again.  He’d been so sure he said hammer, but the looks on Moms’ faces make it clear that he got it wrong.  And hearing Dr. Danville say screwdriver makes Jesus’s stomach drop.  

 What does this mean?  Why can’t he say what he means?  What happened to him?  He looks at Moms and Mom rubs his shoulder.  Tries to smile.

 “It’s a hammer, right?” Dr. Danville asks.  “You hammer nails.”  He moves the hammer up and down like he’s hammering.  “Can you say hammer?”

 Jesus has to get it right this time.  He does his best to block out the perfume and the Doritos.  The light from the hall.  The people out there.  Monitors beeping.  Mom’s hand on his shoulder.  His right arm and leg moving.

 “Hammer,” he says, still unsure.  He’s only sure he actually said hammer when the doctor says “good” and Mom says, “That’s it, bud.  Way to do it.  Way to do it.”

 It helps that she looks calm.  Like she believes he can do this.

 When Dr. Danville takes a brush out next and asks if Jesus can tell him what it is, Jesus is feeling a tiny bit more confident.  Seconds pass, but the word is there:

 “Mmm, it’s a brush.”

 “Good, good, good,” the doctor says.

 Mama reaches over to squeeze his hand and tell him good job.

 “Jesus, I’m going to talk to your Moms for a minute.  We’ll be just outside this door,” he gestures.

 Maybe while they’re gone, he can get another nap.  

 --

 Outside the ICU, Stef and Lena look to Dr. Danville.  

 “Jesus is experiencing something called aphasia.  He knows what he wants to say.  He understands what’s said to him.  But finding the word he wants to say, and saying the word he means to say, is difficult.”  

 “How can we help?” Lena asks.

 “With brain injuries, the person often experiences difficulty filtering sensory information.  So Jesus is likely experiencing sights, sounds, smells and touches simultaneously and more intensely than he did before.  Because of this, it will help if you can speak to him in a quiet environment, away from a lot of stimuli.  Use short, simple sentences, especially at first.

“We always assume he’s competent.  So you’re not simplifying to talk down to him.  You’re simplifying because it’s less for him to filter.  He needs you to adapt.  He needs you to be patient.  Frustration is common, and it’s legitimate.  So pause often.  And get used to asking questions about what Jesus is saying, especially if it isn’t clear to you.”

 “What about physically?” Stef wonders.

 “Well, it’ll take some further evaluation, but it looks like he has a right-sided hand tremor and some leg twitching.  We’ll set him up with appropriate adaptive equipment.  A wheelchair to begin with for safety reasons.”

 “When can he come home?” Stef asks.

 “Look, I’m optimistic about his prognosis, but his full recovery is going to take a long time.  He’s going to need round-the-clock care.  But the hospital has a terrific inpatient rehab facility that specializes in TBI.  I’m sure I can get Jesus a room.”

 “We will talk about it then.” Stef nods.

 “Good,” Dr. Danville agrees.

 “Thank you.”

 --

 They’re not gone long enough for a nap.  Not a good one anyway.  Before Jesus knows it, Dr. Danville’s back to get his bag.  

 “I’m going to see you soon, but before I go..”  (He takes out the damn hammer again.)  “Can you tell me what this is?”

 “It’s a hammer.”

 The response comes with less of a wait this time.  And the look on the doctor’s face lets Jesus know that this time, the right word came out.

  Visiting

 (through :47)

 “Jesus.  Jesus.”

 Hearing her voice makes him think he’s still dreaming.  But when he opens his eyes, she’s here.  Right here.  She looks okay.  Like Nick didn’t hurt her after all.

 He’s so tired it’s hard to make her out.  The room’s still pretty dark.  But it’s definitely Mariana.  Slowly, she comes into focus.

 “Hi,” she says.  Then: “I snuck in here to see you.  So don’t tell Moms that I’m here.”

 “W-What?” (What does she mean?)

 “Wait.  Why?  Why? Why? Mm.  What?  Why?”  (Seriously, why would she have to sneak in to see him?  Why can’t Moms know?  What’s going on?  What happened to him?)  “What?  Wait.  Why?  Why?”  (This is so damn frustrating.  Why can’t he stop this?)

 Mariana’s been quiet and Jesus isn’t sure why that is, either.  But now, she takes a step forward.  She covers his left hand with her own.

 “I just meant that they said I could come later.  But I couldn’t wait.  So I came now.  During lunch.  I took a bus here.  Moms don’t know that, so...that’s why I asked you not to say anything.”

 “Oh.”

 “You okay?” she asks.  “I was worried about you.”

 “M-Me...too.  Nick.”

 “We don’t have to worry about Nick.”

 “Had a - a gun.  Hurt you.”

 But Mariana shakes her head.  “He never had a knife, Jesus.  He had a gun but Mom took it away.  He didn’t hurt me.”

 Again.  It keeps happening.  The wrong word in place of the one he’s sure he’s saying.  He keeps talking.  “It’s...my bad.”

 “No, it’s not.  Jesus, you were at volleyball.  It wasn’t your fault.”

 “It is.  I didn’t...save you.  Moms...were mad.”

 “Mariana, honey?”  Mom.

 Will Mariana be in trouble?

 “Let’s let Jesus get some sleep.  Come with me.”

 But Jesus holds tight to her hand.  “No.  Stay.”

 “All right, love.  She can stay.  But you rest,” Mom encourages.

 Jesus stops fighting to keep his eyes open.  If Mariana’s here, he knows for sure.

 She’s okay.

 So maybe they’re both okay.

 Homecomng

 (partial scene)

 Getting in the house is exhausting.

 Steps.

 Slippery floors.

 Slippery rugs.

 Mom on his left.  Brandon behind him, hanging onto the stupid transfer belt he has to wear over his clothes.  So they can catch him if he falls.  

 A cane.  

 A stupid helmet.

 Glasses that don’t help with reading and give him even worse headaches.  

 There had been other tests after Dr. Danville kept taking random stuff out of his bag to see if Jesus could say what it was.  A test for reading letters - he can only recognize about half - and even those were blurry and kept moving around the page.  Counting change had been terrible - he only recognized quarters and pennies.  And finding one name on a page crowded with other names while some lady timed him?  He failed that.  All the words blurring and rushing at him and moving around the page.  It wasn’t fair.

 He hadn’t been able to talk, as tears tracked down his face on the way back to the room.  If he had, he would have begged Mama not to tell anybody he failed this.  That he cried about it.  But she just sat with him and told him nobody had to know unless he wanted them to.

 By the time he gets to the living room, Jesus is sweating.  And he remembers what else he hates:

 The damn hospital bed in the middle of the house.

 He’s not the same.

 With the family around, Jesus tries.  Tries to listen to everyone talking at once.  To say the right thing back.  To deal with daylight coming in the windows. With the massive headache that won’t stop.  

 Jude brings water.

 Brandon says, “Check it out.  Finally, your own room.”

 “It’s not...mine.  It’s...the living room,” Jesus says back, because it’s not like he can enjoy this.  Everybody else’s room is upstairs.  It’s not like he can reach them if he needs to.  It’s not like he’ll have privacy.

 Jude hands him glass.  Jesus takes it with his left hand on instinct.  Less chance of spilling.

 “You should use your other hand,” Jude advises.

 Callie smacks him and Jesus is glad, because Jesus has zero energy to tell Jude that being at home isn’t therapy and taking a glass in your steadier hand isn’t lazy, it’s smart.

 “Apologize to him,” Callie hisses.

 “Why?  His therapists tell him that literally all the time,” Jude balks.

 “Are you a therapist?” Callie challenges.  “You didn’t micromanage Brandon when he broke his hand.  Why is Jesus different?”

 “Fine!  Jeez!  Sorry, Jesus.  I won’t do it again,” Jude mumbles, embarrassed.

 “Good,” Jesus answers.

 “Hey, you hungry, sweetheart?” Mom asks.

 “Who...me?” he says back.  

 He’s trying so hard to be okay for them.  And days ago?  He would have said yes to food, not admitted that the smell of all his sibs and Emma and Moms and their combined cologne and perfume were enough to make him want to hurl.

 “Yeah, right?  Good!  We got pizza!” Mom tells him too loudly.  “Pizza! Pizza pie!”

 --

 “Thank you, by the way,” Stef says, in the kitchen now.

 “For what?” Lena asks over her shoulder.

 “For, uh...taking a leave of absence…”

 “Well, you make more money, babe,” Lena clarifies.  “And I just couldn’t bear the thought of leaving our baby in that place every night all alone.” Lena says sadly.  “With his background, especially...I just--”

 “Couldn’t do it.  I know,” Stef jumps in.  “I just wish everybody would keep their thoughts to themselves.  About how we ought to keep Jesus in in-patient rehab until he gets better.  I mean what is that?  That’s not the goal.  He’s different now, and that’s okay.”

 “We want him to be able to get around, and carry on a conversation without huge amounts of frustration.  We want him to read again, but you’re right.  Leaving him in an institution, especially having been as neglected as he and Mariana were.  It just doesn’t seem wise… For some, maybe it is the right choice, but for Jesus?” Lena insists, gathering plates and silverware and getting upset all over again.

 “He’s home now.  Okay?” Stef reassures, kissing Lena gently.  

 --

 While Moms are in the kitchen, Jesus just sits.  He’s quiet.  He looks at Emma for help.  At Mariana.  But they’re all talking to each other.  

 How can he get their attention?  How can he tell them that the idea of pizza is too much right now?  The smell from the kitchen?  Jude telling him to use his damn right hand? That what Jesus really needs right now is for everybody to go, and for the blinds to be closed and to just sleep?

 Mariana and Brandon walk away too.  Callie, Jude and Emma are still here.  Emma’s showing him a get well card that he can’t read.  He says he has a headache.  (True.)  She’s helping him hold it and telling him what it says.  It’s humiliating, but it helps a bit that she just does this without it being a big deal.  Without even knowing for sure he can’t read.

 Even though he’s beyond exhausted.

 Even though he still wants to sleep.

 “All right!  We got your pizza pie, my babies!  We got your pizza pie!” Mom announces.

 Mama comes in behind her with plates.  “Make room!  Make room!”

 “And the first piece goes to the man of the hour!  Jesus!  All right!” Mom is saying.

 The smell is awful, magnified by a billion times.  Jesus is dizzy.  He turns to Emma.  “I, um…” he starts, trying to think about what he wants to say but it’s like his words hide out when there’s too much going on.  He needs it quiet, dark and he needs the damn pizza gone.  Then, maybe, his words will come back.  

 “It’s okay,” Emma says.

 But it’s not.  Jesus is really hating this.  

 “Here you go,” Mama says, handing him a ridiculously heavy plate.  Not only does the pizza smell like Jesus’s wrestling bag used to smell after forgetting about it for a while, everything’s blurry and there are round things moving around his pizza.  It’s seriously making him dizzy.

 “Uh, M-Mom?  W-What are…  What…  What is the round thing?”

 “It’s a pepperoni, honey.  It’s your favorite,” Mama says.

 Jesus is disgusted.  The pepperoni won’t stop moving.  And the pizza still stinks.  So bad.  “N-No.” he manages.

 “You love pepperoni,” Emma tries.

 This is gonna end badly.  “I- I don’t- I don’t want it,” Jesus insists feeling more freaked out at the possibility of upchucking in front of everybody.

 “Okay,” Mama says, facing away from Jesus.  “Mom and I need to talk to Jesus, so why don’t you guys take the party in the kitchen?” she asks.

 Jesus is beyond relieved when they all start to leave, taking their smelly pizza.  He puts his on the table and pushes it away.

 “Better?” Mom asks, when everyone’s gone.

 “Yeah,” he says.  But he reaches for the side table on wheels where his piece of pizza is and nudges it again.  Across the room would be better.

 “You don’t want this,” Mama says, gesturing to the pizza, and it’s not a question.

 (Jesus is so tired.)

 “No.”

 “So, I’m going to take it to the kitchen.”

 “...Stinks,” he says, wrinkling his nose.

 “What does?” Mom asks, looking worried.

 “That.  Pizza.”

 “Yeah, it’s not Mama’s favorite smell either,” she says.  Then she waits.  “Do you want something else to eat?”

 “Just wanna sleep.”

 Mama comes back.  No pizza.  Thank God.

 “A nap sounds good.  Maybe you’ll want food when you get up…” she offers, turning out the lights.

 Jesus can hear Mom sending the party even further away, out back.  He hopes the nasty smell will go with them.

 He hears Mama leave, too.  Opens his eyes to check.  All the pizza’s gone.  

 All the people are gone.

 It’s what he needs, but it’s so lonely.

 Soft footsteps.  A footstool being pulled close. Feels Mariana’s hand slip into his.

 She just sits.

 It’s just what he needs.

[ssaalexblake]

major MAJOR SPOILERS for wonde rwoman ahead like proceed at ur own risk i basically just liveblogged the movie from memory SPOILERS

okay like i did not expect my first thought of this movie to be ‘wow i love bruce wayne’ and yet... 

the thoughtful bat bastard

also i had no idea robin wright was in this movie and after 2 days of seeing house of cards gifsets of claire underwood being shady af it was jarring.

tho also like... THANK YOU for having a good age range on the amazonians??? like, normally a movie involving an paradise like island only populated by women will have nobody over the age of what, 23?? they didn’t even photoshop out any signs of age!!!! Age diversity isn’t something we talk about a lot, but it’s important too.

oh and i don’t know /much/ about armour but it came across to me as functional, true to the comics but not sexualised either so A+

smug diana’s face when she was told she wouldn’t wield the god killer lol

also, i liked the way they filmed the fight sequences? It was clear what was going on, but where it included the slowmo and almost snapshots of the scene it had a real comic book feel to it. 

kinda confused as to where the big boats went tbh but?? okay. I like Steve. 

also his entire reaction to the whole laso thing was priceless poor dude

also i know this wasn’t a direct inversion or anything, but /thank you/ for none of this ‘born sexy yesterday’ nonesense!!!! Steve! is the one undressed in front of her (and she doesn’t give a fuck,and that, unlike the women, was sexualised) b/c she’s... Not naive! She’s naive about humanity in general and those with bad intentions, but they didn’t fall into the sexually naive trope trap. Sure, she’d never seen a dude before, much less a naked one, but like... she’s read all 12 volumes on pleasure and while men are required for reproduction... they’re not necessary for the pleasure part. 

side bar: i’m feeling very gay today and thanks for the implication there.

i also appreciated the nods to the traditional hero story in this, because this movie follows the formula of all the others, but it is inherently feminine instead. But Diana is just as equal as the men, and she has the journey, too. 

small note, when they ride to the boats to go to London i sniggered so loud at Steve getting the white horse. She got the black horse, he got the white horse. No damsel in distress on a  beautiful white stallion here. 

‘it’s just rude to /assume/ i can sleep with you!’ ‘you want me to sleep with you??? ok i will’ gfhrthtrgteger that was such a nice sequence again, actively /because/ she was not naive!!! she was just not knowledgeable of western societal expectations!!! 2 different things. 

diana’s reaction to seeing the baby!!!! such a cute tiny moment

also looollll at the fashion scene like, i feel u, u can’t fight in those skirts

also, when she met Etta i was struck that we’d had a whole first part of the movie with only ladies!!! b/c like, normally that’d be all you’d get, just diana and etta barely talking but no!!! they related to each other and got on and were not the only women! 

also, the perspective of the movie from a female standpoint, i was far less bothered by the portrayals of the sexism. Sometimes, when you’re watching a dude centric thing, and it’s set in the 40′s or 50′s and it’s super sexist, it can feel like the focus is more on getting to portray a woman’s hurt at being subjected to sexism is the point, rather than showing how fucked up it is, like, you can practically feel them enjoying the power trip, but being in Diana’s shoes, this movie being female directed, made it about her fury and shock at being excluded. Perspective matters, apparently. 

her yelling at the generals in respect of claire underwood i love her (idr her character name sorry)

and fhgfiigjfjgfj her immediate reaction to her comrades l o l ‘at least he can punch’ ‘no not him’ 

'his people’ possibly the best line in the movie, i will reblog the posts about it when they get here

diana’s utter heartbreak the whole way through at it not being simple, that she can’t stop and save and help everyone, her in the trenches was rough. 

and then she decides that actually, nah, i am gonna save people. at least these ones.

the SHOT THE SHOT /the/ superhero shot. Her taking her hair down, her turning and being full gear, her climbing up into no man’s land, just... this was a major cry part

aaaand the sniper! Look, Steve looking at the situation, nobody judging mr scotsman for not being able to take the shot, and Steve thinking back to how he saw diana and her people fight, and engineering a situation that he knows she will do well in!! he A) paid close attention to the first fight and B) is without ego catering the situation to aid her to finish the job

i too would stand and applaud and shake her hand lol

tho i /did/ find it weird they were shaking her hand, i thought the double cheek kiss thing would have been more like, accurate. 

side note: i kicked myself, literally, in the cinema for shipping steve and diana so much because i knew how it had to end and yet, there i was, shipping the fuck outta them. That was /before/ he went back into the room with her, when i thought ‘hey maaaaybe they’ll be nice’ but NOPE then that happened and i was ‘they’re doomed.’. 

definitely not /necessary/ but like... occasionally they can be useful. 

also her slowly learning more about her companions as people and finding their value and heart was??? they were traumatised and messes and she found the heart and i love her so much

anyways the scenes in the gala hurt me, tho like, her DRESS, even aside from it being beautiful, it was not sexualised but still made her the person who stood out the most in the whole room, somebody tell male movie makers that colour can achieve what excess cleavage does 5x easier and more effectively than the latter.

 she’s just... she’s really naive about humanity in general, and the narrative doesn’t demonise her for it and she learns and it obviously hurts steve b/c he wants it to be true. he so clearly longs for her way of thinking, but he knows it’s not true, and he knows she’s going to find out and that was a warning to the audience but it still hurt. 

the village :(

i think i’m gonna be perpetually hurt by her reaction when she realised her killing the dude did nothing. Always gonna sting. 

and THE WATCH, the watch ‘he lets order him around’ just a watch. He gives her the watch, of everything, the watch. And she goes on to do what he does, what he believes, she goes on to love like he does, she  does what the watch tells her, kinda. that one kicked me in the feelings. the fucking pocket watch gdi. 

me, the whole way through the movie: don’t kill Chief don’t kill Chief and thank youfor not being awful for once

‘i can save these people but you can save the world, it has to be me’ i’m sobbing friends she can save the fucking world

(side note: steve was treated well and respected for his role in this move but when u swap it, where the man is the hero and the woman is the backup, women rarely get that courtesy, and every man complaining about steve being a sidekick love interest can be /told/ we rarely ever get the amount of respect story wise he was shown.)

she a fucking demi-god babes and she is totally okay with Fratricide so watch the fuck out ~my girl

btw the photo killed me the whole way through just fyi

and i /had/ forgotten till she touched his face on the billboard.

and then my love for bruce way back when at the beginning of the movie hit even higher b/c i now understood exactly HOW much that photo meant to her, and that idiot melodramatic bat dude spent the time tracking down the original photo just to send it to her.

no other motivation, it was, as she said, a choice to be loving. This movie has made me emotional about Bruce and Clark in BVS lol. 

i’m just really choked up about this one i gotta cry a little more nvm

[mummyboosblog]

My first baby?!

Hello everyone! As this is my first blog ever I may be a little awkward but I’m gonna try to word everything properly for you so you don’t have to try and figure out some unknown language I’ve just made up on the spot.

So considering at the minute this is all I know; live; sleep; breathe, I’m gonna be talking about pregnancy, babies and all that jazz. Don’t get me wrong I’m nowhere near as knowledgeable as i should be at 36 weeks pregnant but I’ve picked up a few things that I didn’t know and I’m gonna share it with you, even the gruesome stuff that still makes me cringe thinking about it.

So I should probably start from the beginning.

FIRST TRIMESTER.

So, Finding out I was pregnant was terrifying, I always tried to stay away from kids as much as possible, I didn’t like the sounds they made, or the way they run around and generally have more energy that me so knowing that I had one growing in my belly was horrifying and what was even more scary was telling my boyfriend and my mum.

I didn’t want to make my boyfriend feel like he was trapped or throwing away his life and you know, he didn’t take it well at first. I didn’t expect him too, It’s a pretty big deal. But he never left my side, we went to the doctors and the doctor straight up offered me an abortion. It was super awkward and the fact that they just offered it me there and then was just shocking. I didn’t want an abortion… like at the time I didn’t want a baby either but an abortion, nah that’s not for me.  I turned down the abortion and she referred me to the midwife, telling me if I change my mind before my booking appointment I could always go back and be referred for the abortion. To anyone who gets the same treatment from their doctor please leave the clinic and think it through before deciding what you really want. being offered something like that so easily can sway you towards it easier than you think whether you want one or not. After the appointment with the doctor I felt better knowing there was options, I wasn’t stuck this way if I didn’t want to be but like I said, think before you actually choose. for the time leading up-to my midwife appointment it honestly felt like a lie, like there was nothing in there.

I still looked and felt pretty normal even though I knew there was a tiny thing developing and growing in me. At the booking appointment, once again I was terrified and didn’t know what was going to happen. even talking to the receptionist made my heart thud. We sat for a good 10 minutes in the waiting room where we was basically alone, then a midwife called me and my boyfriend into a room and introduced herself. She wasn’t meant to be my midwife and it took me a good 29 weeks to actually meet my midwife but the midwife i’d met my first appointment was lovely and even though i still felt super awkward she made me feel better about a lot of stuff. There was a number of things she asked me about that I was completely clueless about, then I had to do a chlamydia swab which is totally normal by the way.  A pee test, and a bunch of other stuff which I was totally uncomfortable with, but apparently its all very important.

Nothing much happened in between my booking appointment and the first scan I had except the never-ending morning sickness, day in day out. In fact I just want to say well done to every single woman who has gone through morning sickness because oh my god I never want it again. It was literally a never ending loop of feeling sick from being hungry, trying to eat but smells tastes and textures made me physically sick, then being sick from being hungry again. Trying to take vitamins to keep myself and my baby healthy but throwing it back up. Honestly everything made me sick and sometimes I felt like nobody quiet understood how bad it was, like morning sickness is nothing like being ill. It’s being highly uncomfortable, Feeling and being physically sick, being weak and hot all the time. Trust me, Unless my experience was fully OTT then you will not be a happy bunny with morning sickness.

Anyway I somehow managed to lose track a bit there… MY FIRST SCAN! Okay so this is where everything got real, because up until now I totally didn’t believe anything that was happening too me and I still didn’t have a bump or movement or anything, which BTW guys is totally normal at this point. I was 13 weeks and 5 days and my baby was just a little bean with a fat head who couldn’t be bothered to move for the sonographer even when she made me stick my bum in the air and wiggle it around to see if I could jiggle the little guy into a more visible position. I can definitely confirm that the first time you really believe your little bean in there is when you see it’s heartbeat thudding away. (like everyone’s experience is different I guess but that’s when I believed it any who) and I’m being genuinely serious its magical, like your heart melts and its better than anything you’ve ever seen before.

After my first scan everything went slowly again and sometimes I forgot I was even pregnant still, I’d definitely gotten a little belly going on because people I didn’t know started to ask when the bump was due, how far along I was and all that.  My morning sickness was still on and off some days  I’d wake up knowing it was going to be a bad sicky day and other days I woke up feeling human and it was nice waking up feeling human even if i didn’t quiet look it. At this point I was still pretty clueless to everything and hadn’t had many appointments for anything even though I thought that midwives were a pretty big part of being pregnant, which they are but not to the extent I believed. I started to do a bit of research on babies, the fetal development process, and every week I would check on Bounty to see how big my bean should be and whats meant to be going on with my body during that week of being pregnant. I would recommend looking into the individual weeks of your pregnancy because you learn a lot you wasn’t aware of before such as babies tend to eat the lanugo hair that’s on their bodies in the womb and that 1 out of 25 baby boys are born with undescended testicles. I think it brings you closer to your bump because honestly just personally until you start seeing those mad kicks and punches the baby is just a bit of fat on your belly you can’t get rid of and it’s hard to think of it as another human being when you cant see it.

SECOND TRIMESTER

Even though technically at my first scan I was already in my second trimester I didn’t know it at that point so i still count it as the first. There’s not a great deal I remember about being in the second trimester because I felt normal-ish again, my morning sickness was basically done (apart from the odd days that still happen now) and I still wasn’t feeling a great deal in my belly. Although one new thing that happened was painful nipples. and you know, this parts a bit odd to share but no, on a serious level my nipples were on fire. whenever I got cold my left nipple specifically would burn like it was being stabbed with a hot rod, not so much the right, but the left oh my god it was like torture and I had no idea why, or how to fix it.  (I would personally just recommend to keep your nips as warm as possible to avoid this happening or use nipple cream.)

By the way if anyone was wondering at this point me and my boyfriend had started to enjoy the fact there would be a little us soon enough, and in fact we both grew to children more, so instead of avoiding loud children with ignorant parents we would just chuckle at the kids and smile at the parents because well… I don’t know you just kinda go soft. (Despite this I can still determine whether your kids a little shit or not) So anyway… everyone wanted to know the gender of our little bean and I was totally ready to find out and go buy tiny shoes and outfits (and completely forget all the things necessary to look after a baby). My boyfriend and I were both convinced the bean would be a little girl, which we were both pretty excited about, but neither of us were bothered. Gender wasn’t going to effect our love for ‘the bean’. At about 20 weeks we had our gender scan and found out after I don’t know how long being prodded by the scanny tool that our little bean was a boy! (his bits looked like a duck on the scan) Not long after I started to feel something, that I wouldn’t have called kicking but no, it was. It just kinda feels like tiny little butterflies that build up over time and eventually you can see brutal kung fu baby trying to rip out of your belly like in alien.

THIRD TRIMESTER

So this is where I’m at now I suppose, close to the end. This is probably the trimester I learned the most in due to it being so close and wanting to know the in’s and out’s of giving birth and what not. Also around this time the midwife tends to give you all your little booklets and stuff to help you prepare, this includes booklets on breastfeeding, perineum massage, episiotomy, which is where they snip the skin between your vagina and rectum so that the baby has more room to come out and also booklets on how to look after your baby, which includes pictures of dirty nappies and the different types of poop babies have, so anything grim they can give you, they do.  So this trimester is basically the one I felt the most pregnant in which obviously makes a lot of sense, My belly is now considerably a lot bigger than before, I wake up a lot with heartburn (And I mean like throwing up stomach acid at 5 am kinda heartburn) I can no longer reach round my belly, standing up is effort, my legs hurt and i want to sleep all the time and it was all so goddamn sudden! I’ve reached a point where I want it to be over, I want to feel slightly normal again and more than anything I wanna meet my little boy because there’s nothing worse than knowing you have something amazing stored away but you’ve gotta wait for it for so long that it actually becomes annoying waiting. Anyway  I feel like at this point I’m just rambling so I should probably whack in a few facts.

THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT PREGNANCY UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH IT OR STUDIED IT…

The mucus plug. – Yeah this is definitely something I didn’t know existed and to be honest, didn’t want to know existed. So yeah, The mucus plug is what it says basically, it’s a mucus plug that plugs your cervix up until labour when it dislodges and comes out. Its main purpose is to stop infection and protect your little fetus from any dangers that could make their way up there… It’s about 4-5 cm long but you don’t always see it come out and honestly I wouldn’t google it unless you need too, because it is not pretty.

Waters? – So in movies you’ll see a sudden gush come out and shabam, she in labour get her to the hospital oh no hurry! Yeah… that doesn’t necessarily happen, your waters can gush but they can also just trickle…. like you’re peeing yourself only you can’t stop it. Also, your waters breaking does not mean you’re about to pop your baby out.

The pains… – Nobody tells you it hurts to be pregnant, at all. It’s not sunshine and happiness. It’s completely the opposite, backache, leg ache, headaches, boobache, cramps from your abdominal muscles stretching, stabby pains from your baby sitting on your nerves… you literally get pain from everything even though people think that being pregnant is easy and you can just laze around peacefully.

Piles – yeah, you’ve probably heard of them, they’re also known as haemorrhoids. Pregnant people get these more easily because your growing uterus puts pressure on some of your veins including the vena cava which is a large vein on the right side of your body which pumps blood to your lower limbs. This causes them to swell or become more dilated, leaving you with piles. On the bright side, this doesn’t always happen and if it does, it goes down after giving birth so no need to worry your butt hole.

A lot of people already know this about pregnancy unless you’re as clueless as I was before becoming pregnant. Some people poo themselves while giving birth, the reason for this is the pressure  from the babies head in the birth canal actually also puts pressure on your large intestine pushing anything in there, out. but on the bright side… because trust me there is, even if you poop you don’t care because you’ve just birthed a magical little human into the world and you were in too much pain to even notice you did it.

Thanks for taking your time to read my first blog post, I do apologise if I spoke for too long but I hope you enjoyed the read or can relate to some of the things I’m saying. Do not quote me on anything because I may not be right about a lot but this is just stuff I’ve picked up through research and experience and I’ll keep you all updated on the whole Labour thing… Thanks everyone!

Enjoy your day!  –Mummy Boo ♥