work morning's been slow, so i read an essay on faerie folklore and i am once again chomping at the bit to sweep together my scattered mess of notes on liáfsini and continue my dumb worldbuilding, soft redesigns, creature design, and... rework of s5? my soft-iteration of it? whatever.
between tmnt4p commissions, i've been slowly moving my writings out of google docs and into more localized programs that allow me to move files between my desktop and my ipad, as well as rebuilding the original scrivener file from the ground up. i've also got a bunch of scattered thoughts in sketchbooks that i need to relocate, so everything's closer to being in one place.
maybe it's silly to work this hard on something more closely associated to fandom than to "my own works", but eh. it continues to make me happy. and i think there's merit to expanding existing things, anyway, whether you're doing it "canonically/officially" or not.
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(mgv) the first few heats after giselle's birth leave house consumed with parental devotion. he is protective to an insane degree and if she isn't gone to stay with someone before his heat really kicks in, any and all energy that would have gone into sex instead goes to being feral over the baby. example:
house and their pup are curled up in a nest he has carefully constructed for Maximum Comfort + Hide, practically wrapped around her as they nap. wilson left earlier to go grab a snack house had asked for and got sidetracked while at the store (keeps finding stuff they may want/need/might like and it becomes a Whole Thing) so he ended up being gone for long enough that house dozed off. when he comes back and house hears the sound of the front door unlocking, his eyes shoot open and he's instantly growling -- he's not even really awake, just running on pure instinct while his brain struggles to catch up. it's enough that when wilson walks in and hears it he stops on reflex -- an omega, in heat, nesting, with a pup, growling? alpha weakness. shakes them to their blood even when it's their omega because when instincts run high like that. even those in bonded pairs will tread carefully because the omega will Not Hesitate. it's not until wilson hesitantly calls out to him that house shakes himself out of it ("rrrrmrrgghhrrr--" " 😰 house?" "--rrrmpp?"). then when wilson walks in with the snack and whatever other little tokens he found he plays it extra safe as an apology for being gone for so long; keeping his head bowed, placating notes in the scent he puts out, staying a respectful distance away from the nest until house explicitly permits him to come closer (house rolls his eyes when wilson hesitates to enter the nest even though he so clearly wants to)
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I am liking Jujutsu Kaisen, way more than I imagined I would, but I foresee it will let me down and it's keeping me from enjoying this as much as I could haha
I think the characters and dynamics are well set, and I think many of them have an incredibly good and deep potential, but I would be willing to bet they'll not get a proper development, enough for them to really hit. A well assembled set of gears is not enough to make the movement go, you have to wind the clockwork.
I think Gojo and Megumi have a fascinating and very complex dynamic, but I doubt it will be given the time and care that imo it needs to actually work. And it is going well enough for now! One could see the intimacy between them was deeper than the one Gojo had with, say, Yuji and Nobara ever since the very first few episodes despite the fact Fushiguro too was a first year. But the pieces forming what they have are extremely complex, and it just wouldn't be realistic if it doesn't show, even if in a not showing way, or if it doesn't have consequences or implications.
It's one of those dynamics that shape one's life, the way one regards the world, the way one establishes or not relationships with other people. It's one of those dynamics that could be full of fondness, gratitude, resentment, admiration, trust, and that imply intimacy, the good kind or the bad, even if in just the knowledge of someone who's been a constant through your life. It could, and would, imply a myriad of feelings, and probably in such a mix it could imply contradictory feelings too. Even the nothingness would weight, even the nothingness would be significant and meaningful.
Gojo took Megumi and his sister under his wing, the son of a man who murdered him, because of both selfish and selfless reasons. Megumi looks like Toji. What does Gojo feel about this? How does Gojo deal with this? How does Gojo go about taking care of Megumi? Would he walk him to school? Make him breakfast? Celebrate his birthdays making him blow candles? Did he take him to the zoo? Does the relationship between them feel professional or is it something more? Gojo appreciates his students, but is Megumi to him just another student? When Gojo faces Sukuna in Megumi's body, did he see the kid he raised, or does he just see Sukuna in one of his students' body? Did he have one faint wavering instant? And how does Megumi feel about this? Is he resentful of him? Resentful of the situation? Of the selfishness behind his actions? Does he feel like a pawn? Is he grateful? Does he resent feeling grateful? Would he rather not? Does he love Gojo? Does he feel nothing about him other than what he could feel about a teacher that sort of annoys him but knows he's reliable in his strength? Does he think it unfair, cruel or unfeeling that Gojo is close, closer perhaps, with Yuuji or Yuta, considering their story? When Sukuna slices Gojo in two, does the remnants of Megumi's soul tremble?
And not just Megumi and Gojo. Yuuji and Nanami, Gojo and Nanami, Yuuji and Fushiguro, Nobara and the boys, or Nobara and Maki, Todo and Yuuji or Yuta, Gojo and Yuta, Megumi and his sister. Gojo and Geto, even! If the pieces are well set, the dynamics are intriguing, interesting, and have potential to be deep, but then the characters have like two plot relevant scenes that punch you hard, but little more, it's not nearly enough. Especially not nearly enough for the enormity that is shonen dynamics and situations. And the potential existing at all, and then not delivering, makes it all the more frustrating when you're left with something mediocre that could have been so good.
The development of dynamics through not only a few plot relevant gut wrenching moving scenes, but also the smallness of life, is important. The friend who recommended this to me said that those things were just unnecessary filler, but I disagree. I think there's a big difference between a large amount of anime-only filler episodes whose existence is based on the fact they had run out of manga chapters to animate, and moments of quietness. The low stakes character-driven moments of quietness can be so telling and so insightful, and they are so satisfactory when brought back later in higher stakes situations. My friend teased me there was no scene of Gojo making breakfast to Megumi, that it would be an idiotic idea, but it would be so telling. How he makes breakfast, what they eat, if he tries hard or if it's all mechanised, if they have personal bowls or if they use whatever, if he just buys them some pastry on the way to school, if the way they have breakfast changes through the years, or if he doesn't make them breakfast at all! All that would be very insightful on their dynamic and its evolution. All that would give a glimpse on how they regard each other and why, even in the present. All that could become meaningful in tense situations and high stakes scenes.
These moments also let the plot breath; if a lot is happening all the time, if every character is always experiencing trauma after trauma, the entire story is so emotionally draining that at some point you don't even care all that much. Besides, these nothing moments or low stakes plot arcs, besides deepening and developing dynamics, also let some in-world time pass, which would make the intimacy and bond between characters more believable imo; between Yuuji eating Sukuna's finger and their last confrontation in December how much time has passed? A few months? Am I truly to believe these characters are so everything to each other in only a few months?
Without some smallness, some repetition, some daily life, some low stakes not plot-centric development, the dynamics don't hit, they don't truly feel fleshed out, and dynamics as complex as the ones Megumi and Gojo have, or as supposedly meaningful as the one Megumi has with Yuuji or his sister, should be fleshed out if they're going to exist at all. Otherwise they'd risk making the writing feel awkward and fake. Besides, if the dynamics felt well fleshed out and realistic, they would shape the way the characters interact and act, and how they deal with situations, thus being plot relevant.
The shonen genre has so much happening all the time, the stakes are so high, the dynamics are so rooted in big events and the relationships carry enormous weight and implications. Yet they barely get developed, and it feels so stupid, so plain, the absence of something so important noticeable like a constant void, a shapeless nothingness present in every scene. It makes the characters feel like cardboard figures. Jujutsu Kaisen is already getting a better job than many, but I doubt it will do enough for what I've heard, and I fear I am bound to feel let down, and bound to feel unmoved.
After all, if not enough time and care has been given to develop a dynamic, I am not going to feel pressured by the high stakes; if not enough time and care has been given to develop the dynamic between Megumi and Yuuji, as good potential as it has I am bound to feel little for this last confrontation between Sukuna and Itadori, and his effort in getting Megumi back.
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i LOVE the way you draw moira! Especially how you depict her as a gnc woman with top scars. I was wondering if you have any specific headcanons regarding her gender/presentation/transition?
thank you! i dont particularly have too many headcanons, i relate a lot of my own feelings on my gender onto her though, so most of what i say is just my own experiences? For example, her primary pronouns are she/her, its what anyone who relatively knows her refers to her as, however when it comes to people she barely knows or strangers, any pronouns work. when someone knows your pronouns, especially those who dont explore gender at all.. they do perceive you differently. I think she hates being perceived as 'woman' to strangers, in a sense that she doesn't like being treated differently just because of her gender. She does get a certain enjoyment seeing people stumble over themselves trying to figure out what to refer to her as without having to blatantly ask her, though, likes to watch them squirm. She doesn't like being called ma'am or miss, but likes to be called sir, and to have partners call her handsome. She doesn't like accentuating her body in an overly feminine way, but does like to wear the occasional dress and makeup, though she is most comfortable in a suit. She likes being the proverbial man in the relationship, planning out the dates, toting her partner around on her arm. She would never turn down her partner planning anything though, she just doesnt ask for it. Sexually as well, I think in most scenarios she is a stone top, doesn't get much out of being touched herself and much prefers tending to her partners needs. I've seen before that people lean her towards butch more often than gnc but i never could see her referring to herself as butch.. she plays with both. She is very comfortable in her body and likes being in control of how she is perceived to outsiders.
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it's wild to me how much taking care of yourself really does help. i feel like im stating the obvious, but i really didn't believe anyone when they told me its worth the extra effort. and when your brain is on fire, it really IS extra effort. and to be clear, it's not that im mentally well. i still struggle with low self esteem and depression and thoughts of self harm (still four years clean!) and its not that its easier in the sense of the feelings that cause all of those issues are less intense, it's moreso that youre not dealing with all the extra weight from not looking after yourself. im not feeling guilty and gross because i smell. im not miserable bc i have to walk over a pile of whatever the fuck to get to my bed. my head isnt constantly pounding bc im not eating or drinking or sleeping (or oversleeping). its not EASY. but im also no longer making it harder for myself. and its not to shame anyone for being stuck in that, i promise, wherever youre at ive probably been as bad if not worse, but goddamn, sometimes the difference between that four year streak breaking and that not happening really is a fucking walk and a shower, and it SUCKS, but its worth it.
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