#sorry I'm trying to be consistent with what I've said in the past because doing five continuations of something happened

[ladylynse]

Dipper x janna

Eyes part 3 word :curse

I actually didn't write part 3 of this fic, mostly because I try not to do more than one direct continuation of a particular fic because I don't want to write a story in three sentence chunks. (At that point, I typically only continue them as part of an exchange or a thank you or a giveaway or whatnot. Sometimes an idea will get into my head and I'll write something, but I've been beating those ideas back with a stick because I am desperately trying to finish up some of my ongoing WIPs.)

However, there's plenty that can be done with 'eyes' and 'curse' as a prompt, so.... Have another take on the idea. Variations on a theme are always fun, aren't they?

-|-

Janna blinked, but the apparition—seemingly little more solid than a fading rainbow and just as translucent—did not obligingly vanish; instead, the girl grinned as she noticed Janna’s gaze and rose from her makeshift seat on the edge of the tombstone.

“I’d say welcome to the club,” she drawled, “but you don’t want to be part of this club, because the benefits stink more than Dipper’s feet in the morning.”

Janna glanced at Dipper, who was completely oblivious to all of this as he frowned down at the page of his spell book, and was about to open her mouth to ask questions when the ghostly girl continued, “We’ve got three days before the curse claims you and you stop seeing remnants and fade to join me in limbo, but I want to get out of it and back to you guys before that happens, so I’ll start by telling you what didn’t work for me and then we can figure out how to tell Dipper I’m not any more dead than Grunkle Ford ever was.”

-|-

see more fics | crossovers 

[yuyu1024]

Babe

Pairings: S.coups × y/n

Genre/tags: protective/possessive bf

Warning: 🔞🔞🔞 fluff but smut, unprotected sex, pet names, cursing, semi public, handjob

~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 3k

Disclaimers:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

A/N: looong time no post. ✨️I was away... got sick and mentally not doing okay... and I dont think im 100% okay yet...Its been hard but still trying my best :)

i might be coming back to writing here and there... but not consistent. Hopefully you understand...

meaning, i will be a 🐌 in updating nor posting and won't be online mostly. 🖤

(i cant promise i can jump back to the Yoongi/Suga series yet also sorry 😭 hopefully one day but not soon.)

Me writing... is depending if im okay.

Also, Thank you for the kind messages in DMs. I really do appreciate them...even tho i don't reply 🖤 pls know its very helpful.

Thank you.

P.S its been a long time since i wrote anything so.... rusty.🥲 this is my just trying to get back to it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Seungcheol, your boyfriend, texted you to meet him at school. Which surprised you the second you read it because it has been weeks since he went to school.

He has been doing special online classes these past weeks as he can't walk. Yet. He slipped while playing soccer with the boys two months ago causing an injury on his left leg. It was very painful to watch him yell in pain during that game. It was supposed to be just a fun game with his friends and you and their other friends watching but yeah, accidents happen.

"What are you doing here?" You gasp the second you enter the University clinic and saw your boyfriend sitting and chatting with the school doctor.

"Babe." He smiles and opens his arm, asking for a welcome hug

"Babe!" You squeal and immediately run and hugged him tightly.

"I missed you." He mumbles lightly lifting you off the floor even he's sitting on the clinic's bed.

He never lost his strength.

"Ditto." You say and kissed him on his cheek before letting go. "Wait... why are you here?" You ask again. "He can go back to school now?" You turn to ask the doctor behind you

"He can. But I still suggest no." He folds the folder his holding and sits down on his desk. "He can walk now with crutches easily yes... but... going up and down... walking building to building to classes...." doctor shakes his head

"I'm just here to visit, babe." Cheolie says caressing your back. "To report my health to him... to let know the team..."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry..." he press his lips together and giving you an apologetic look.

"I'll leave you two to talk... I have to go on a meeting now in the faculty. Just let the nurse know when you leave okay? So she can assist you with the wheel chair."

"Okay, doc. Thank you."

And as soon as the doctor leaves and shut the door close behind him, Seungcheol immediately grabs you by the waist, pull you close to his body and leans in to fully kiss you.

It feels rushed at the beginning but as soon as you find the perfect spot to lean your body weight to his, it felt smooth and just sensational. You even opened your mouth completely to let his tongue explore you.

You two haven't kissed for awhile. The rent is due.

"I missed you so much." He whisper as he pulls away to take a breather.

"This is the longest we've been away from each other..." you say as you straighten your stand

"Yeah... I got busy healing..."

"And I got busy at school... and at home..." you answer as you sit down beside him. "How are you feeling at the moment?"

"Good....well.. better now that I've kissed you." He smirks and plants a tiny kiss on your temple

"Babe..." you lean on his shoulder

"You know you always make me feel good..." he chuckles. "Also... Doc said my leg is healing pretty good..."

"That's good to hear..." you stand up once again. "So... can I--"

And before you could ask him another question about visiting him soon at home Seungcheol kisses you on your cheek and then on the back of your hand.

"Thank you for always calling me... every night... making sure to check on me... give me updates at school and being an understanding girlfriend. Even though you are tired yourself."

"I didn't do that much." You say holding his hand. "If only I could visit you personally I would..."

But you couldn't. It's not like he leaves far away from you. It's just that you wanted him to just rest. You know how he is when he sees you. He gets excited and acts everything is fine even though he is in pain.

He would probably force himself to get up when you visit him. It's kind og his thing to show off he is strong. Especially to you. He is your alpha lover.

"No...babe. just you calling has saved me from a lot of bad moods and not doing my therapies because... I'm not in the mood." He kisses your hand again.

"Well I'm glad... I could help..." you say smiling.

"And also..." he then bites his lower lip whilst smiling. You already know what he's about to say with those cheeky smirks.

"Hush..." you cover his mouth with your hand, scared that he might say it outloud and the nurse from behind the door might hear. "That's for us only..." you whisper.

He is referring to the video call sessions you do every now and then. To help him when he is... sad and horny.

"You promised... no one should know..."

"Of course..." he murmurs, his mouth is still covered by your hand. "The images are for my eyes to see and for my dick to feel only." He adds and then playfully licks your palm, making you jump a little.

"Hey!" You slap him on his shoulder

He is grinning so much. He is enjoying your reactions. "You're so adorable being shy..." he puts his arm around your waist, securing you between his legs. "My shy little fairy..." he mumbles just before he kisses you again.

You don't deny him of any sort of making out. Even at the clinic. Why woulf you? You missed him so bad too.

So bad that even his hands is skimming your body and even lifting your short A-Line skirt, exposing your bum, just to squeeze it is fine. Perfectly fine.

"Wait." He pauses and looks you in the eyes. "You are wearing a skirt this short... with no protective shorts under?"

"Hmm?" You look at him, confused for a second. "Oh."

He is yout alpha, yes. And one trait of him that is very dominant is him being protective of you. He does not like anyone hurting you, being mean to you and most especially drooling over you. You are his and only his.

"What you mean oh?" He raises a brow. "Well? Why aren't you wearing one?"

You don't have a good excuse. You just forgot. Well... you have been forgetting since he have been away.

"Y/N..."

"You're now calling me by name...." you move back away a little. "I'm sorry... I have no excuse..."

"What if some maniac sees you? When you go up stairs? Or the elevator in the media building? You know its glass right? They can see... what if wind blows and..." he sighs, frustrated. "You know how most guys are."

"I know... I'm really sorry." You pout. "I didn't purposely forget it..."

You see the change in his mood. He is very possessive of you so you know that just the idea of any guy looking at you because they find you cute or have interest of being close to you and whatever, he's already on guard.

He sighs again and also he's already grabbing his crutches.

"Leaving already?" You say in the softes tone.

"Yeah..." he stands up and calls on the nurse for assistance.

"Okay..." you lower your gaze.

You are not sure how to tame your boyfriend since this time you know you are at fault for forgetting and breaking a promise you told him after he was told to stay at home.

You stand up and sling your bag over your shoulder. "Just... call me when you get home."

"I will not call you." He says as he sits down on the wheel chair. "You're coming home with me."

"Wait. What?" You ask

The nurse enters the room and greets the two of you.

"Ready to go home?" The nurse asks

"Yes." Seungcheol smiles at her. "I have a scheduled therapy this afternoon..."

"Oh... I see... goodluck then." She says as she helps to push your boyfriend

"Y/N..." he calls your name out again.

This is the second time he called you by name. He is clearly not okay with the skirt situation. This never happened before.

***

You both arrived at his parent's house. They welcomed you and hugged you even. They thanked you for being a support system for their son even though physically you can't come because, well, they know how their son acts around you.

It's not a secret that their son is so in love with you that he's very clingy and trying to act cool and such.

"I already made food for the two of you so just reheat it if you decide to eat later."

"Oh. Thank you Mrs. Choi." You say

"It's nothing dear... also... thank you for being his care taker for tonight... we will enjoy our night on out staycation at the city." His mother says

You are stunned to hear what Mrs. Choi just said. You can't react beside just smiling and nodding. "Ah... ahm... don't worry about us... I'm going to take good care of him."

"Thank you, again." Mr. Choi says.

"We'll get going now... see you tomorrow afternoon, dear." She says to her son who is sitting in the sofa drinking his cola.

"Have fun, Mom and Dad!" He waves at them

And as soon the door shuts and you hear the car engine from outside.

"What the fuck was that?" You stomp you way towards him. "Care taker... tonight?? Babe?"

Nonchalantly he answers. "You will be staying for the night here with me... until tomorrow..."

"Why?"

"Why not?" He looks at you with a coldest stare. "Do you have any other plans? Are you meeting with anyone?"

"No..."

"And then... stay...."

"But... my parents..."

"I already told them... they are fine with it."

"When?"

"I called them earlier... before I texted you to come to the clinic."

You are in complete shock. "Cheolie..." you whine

"Now, you're calling me by name?" He raises a brow. "Why are you acting like that? It's like you don't want to stay with me."

"That's not it."

"Then what?"

You sigh. You are lost for words.

Yes you should be happy you are spending time with your boyfriend but he could've told you. You would say yes if he asked or told you.

You are just stunned maybe or confused with him doing this too since he's been being snappy at you since earlier.

"Whatever." You mumble throwing your bag to the floor and just sitting down at the chair opposite of where he's sitting.

Now you are the one in the bad mood.

"I still have the clothes and undergarments you left from last time..." he then says in a much calmer tone.

"Okay." You answer not looking at him.

You are not mad at him. You are just not happy with what he did. He probably wanted to surprise you with the idea earlier but since it got ruined during your clinic make out session. Now things are...

"Babe." He calls you

You turn your head to look at him. He looks serene now.

"Can you please come here..." he says

You get up and make your way to him, to sit down beside him.

"Not there." He says holding on to your wrist and leading you to move somewhere else. "Here..." he gestures for you to sit on top of him.

"But... your leg..."

"I can manage..." he breathes and then tugs you down so he could kiss you, cupping your face with one hand.

Your hands are now on his chest for balance support. You tried pulling away from the kiss but

"Sit..." he says in between the kiss.

And you do as he says. Kneeling down on the sofa, legs spread between his thighs, you sit down on him and slowly put your arms around his neck.

"Cheolie..." your lips part ways as you spoke and he tries to chase the kiss again but you bite your lips together. "Wait..."

"Why...?" He pouts

"What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" He runs his hands from your legs to your thighs and then underneath your skirt.

"You were just so cold to me... not even talking to me like I'm your girlfriend... and now you're kissing me and touching me..."

He throws his head back for a second and then sighs. "Babe, I'm sorry.... I was... well..."

"I said I'm sorry about the skirt... Don't worry. I will just wear pants starting on monday...."

"You sure?"

"Yeah... I promise." You kiss the tip of his nose. "I will just wear skirts when I'm with you."

"Really?" He raises a brow with matching smirk, biting his lower lip.

"Yeah..." you move your hips forward knowing what this tiny move will do to him. "I know you like to have easy access with me when we're together..." you softly say

He grunts as he feel you move a bit more. Rocking your hips over his erection that's sort of protected by his black jogging pants.

"I know what you're doing..." he hums

"And I know you like... what I'm doing..."

His smile goes ear to ear. "You're lucky I can't stand on my own yet... If I could..."

"What will you do?"

"Carry you over my shoulders and spread you on top of my bed..."

"And...?" You put your forehead to his.

"And...fuck you 'till dawn..."

Just the thought made you horny and wanting him. But since he can't do what he usually does to you, you decide to handle this on your own.

"You can still fuck me..." you say, grinning. "We have all night till tomorrow to find a way... a position you want me to be in."

"Fucking hell, babe." He grunts, sounding excited and turned on.

You adjust your position, making sure you can access him easily. Him meaning his long veiny length that's already leaking.

"Shit! Ah!" His mouth drops the second you hold onto him. His eyebrows is showing how he's loving the way you stroke and pump him. "Babe..." he moans. "Babe... aaaaahhh..." he throws his head back, his hands on his hair, trying to hold on to reality coz he is floating in heaven right now.

"Should I... let the tip touch me?"

"Touch... you?" He looks at you, brows furrowed from the high.

You already removed your panties off without him noticing.

"Yes... like this...." you then adjust your position back on top of him and lowered yourself just enough for the tip of his dick feel your entrance.

"Babe, fuck!" He snarls throwing his head back. "Your so damn wet already..."

You let him feel the wetness for awhile before you ease him in you.

"Holy... shiiiiit!"

"Ngggeeeaaah..." you breathe in as you suck him in whole.

"You're doing great babe." He pushes the hair off your face. "Don't rush it... just... feel it... feel me..."

When he's completely in you, you didn't move. You just hugged your man and took a breather.

"I can't believe my little fairy is being so daring..."

"Because I want to give you what you want... what you need..." you mumble on his neck.

"Babe, you know I can wait till I'm healed and ready to fuck you..."

"I know..." you look him in his eyes, "but I miss it too..."

"You do?"

You nod. "Us video calling... while we... you know... is not enough... I thought it was enough... but when I saw you earlier... I really did missed you more than I can imagine."

"You miss my dick?" He tease

"Babe!" You hide your face on his neck again.

"Ugh..." he suddenly moans. "Wow. I didn't know you get tigher when I tease you."

Seungcheol starts to move his hips a little, to ease dipper into you.

"Ah..." you exhale shakily. "Cheolie...hmmm...."

"You like that?"

"I do."

Then you start to move yourself.

You leaned back a little, pushing forward and pulling backward in motion to meet his slow but deep thrusting.

"Cheolie..." you cry his name as you feel like reaching your climax.

"Just let it go..."

"Fuck!" You throw your head back, panting and shaking. "Come with me..." you say, "come....with me..." you clentch more down there, making him feel the tightness.

"But babe..." biting on his lips, hissing and trying to control himself. "We don't have condoms."

"I don't care." You lean in for a sloppy kiss. "Come with me. I need to see you... melt with me..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Babe..."

"Please..." you beg, "I want to feel it..."

"Fuck it!" He snarls as he goes to squeeze your ass under your skirt as he picks up the pace with you

It's amazing how strong he is. Even with an injured leg he could lift his hips to meet yours.

"Aaah!!" You moan as loudly as you can as you felt something in you pop.

He growls as soon as feel his length starts to release and feel the warmth in you.

"Fuck babe..." he is panting. "Our first time you being on top..."

Embarassed after your orgasm, you hug your man and hide your face again. "I only did what I know and can..."

"You did amazing... your handjob is what I needed to get me into the a frenzy." Then he kisses the top of your head. "I fucking love you... whatever you do... makes me love you even more..."

"I love you too..." you go for a kiss again. But then burst into a giggle when you felt him move. "You are still in me... I can feel you."

A smile spread over his lips, "Maybe we should continue this on my bed. I can do other positions and pump more in you if you want."

You grin, blushing. "I'd love to."

[emmett6]

i am being attacked by antis.

this is emmett. emmettnet, emmettverse, emmettland, emmettundead, emmettlab. whichever blog you knew me from.

i am a whump creator. i've been in the whump community for a few years now. and now, i am unable to share my work with the community on here because people are mass reporting me for being a proshipper, and Tumblr keeps deleting my blogs as a result.

(if that isn't the reason why, i would be more than happy to get the explanation from @staff that i've been asking for.)

now, that is speculation on my part based on the timing of each termination (it's after i put my pinned post in the whump tags).

but here are the facts:

months ago, i became comfortable enough to share proshipping content. seeing as how every other artist would link their nsfw work on here, i thought it was acceptable for me to do the same so long as the preview image did not violate any rules.

an anon asked if i was a proshipper, and i said i didn't ascribe to that label*, but i agreed with the philosophy.

*i don't have any choice BUT to use it now because my posts get removed for describing what the content is

note that this anon asked multiple people in the whump community if they were proshippers. it was the same person each time, same copy-and-pasted responses.

i kept posting my proshipping content, all with links and extensive content warnings.

i started getting anon hate.

my account was terminated. after further reflection and rereading the terms of service AGAIN, i figured maybe links are not allowed and so i switched to DM only.

this time, the anon hate was consistent. every week was something new. every day felt like bracing myself to open my inbox. i kept anon on, since i have so many people who feel uncomfortable sending asks off anon and didn't want to take away their safe space.

months pass. i go on hiatus for all of July. i find out someone stole my old nsfw art and reposted their edited versions of it to rule34, a site that i never wanted my work to be on. this person waited until the exact starting day of my hiatus to do this.

i come back to more anon hate in my inbox.

suddenly, out of nowhere, my account is terminated again.

i make a new blog. more anon hate. another termination.

lather, rinse, repeat.

i stopped doing DM only stuff. i figured, if i just link my other platforms and only post safe things on Tumblr, there's nothing in the rules against that. everyone has links to their social media.

i still get terminated. and again, i keep getting terminated after i post my pinned post in the whump tags. which -- speculation again -- leads me and others to think that these antis are stalking the whump tags, waiting for me to show up so they can mass report me and get me terminated.

i have NO idea what they would report, aside from claiming i'm trying to "dodge being blocked". which, i'm not. in fact, i say every single time i come back that i WANT people to block me if they need to.

but regardless, it keeps happening.

i'm losing a place i considered home.

i'm being forced out of a community on here i love so dearly.

and you want to know something funny? for some strange reason, i'm unable to block my anons. yup. an 'error' message comes up. and i'm apparently unable to report them too -- like reporting the one who called me a 'tumblr tranny' and said i would 'always be a woman' for hate speech. oops, sorry. error message.

by now, i've been called evil. told to listen to my intrusive thoughts. told that i should be on a watch list. told that it's disgusting that someone's mutuals still interact with me. told that i have no place in the whump community.

i know that's not true.

i'm so sick and tired of being treated like this. i'm tired of being dehumanized. and i'm disgusted with this behavior.

at this point, i'm just screaming as many times as i can. i'll keep losing blogs, because i know my attackers will read this and just keep on reporting me. what do they have to lose? nothing. they don't have enough of a conscience to care. and why should they? clearly, i'm a monster. i'm a piece of shit. i don't deserve basic respect, and i apparently don't deserve to keep my 'platform'. to stay in my community and to keep my livelihood.

my discord is emmettnet. send me a DM if you don't want to lose me, because there is no point in following me repeatedly just for every blog to be terminated.

if you want to reblog this to spread the word and show your support, i would be eternally grateful. but i understand if you choose not to; i don't want anyone to be subjected to what i'm going through.

thank you for reading.

[ozzgin]

Greetings! How you doing today/tonight?

This is not a request or anything

Hopefully you're doing fine, cuz I'm not, I have a shitty cold rn and I just finished 5 tissue roll papers in just a few hours

Anyway this ain't about me, just wanted to see how you were doing since I've been a bit inactive with tumblr with the past few days

Have a great day/night :3

-🎧anon

Aww, sorry to hear that. We’re definitely entering cold/flu season. Mid-October I’ve gotten ill with some virus, no idea what it was, but I had no other symptoms other than terribly swollen sinuses. Which, in turn, pressed on my tooth nerves, so I had massive tooth pain for days. Never dealt with anything like that before and it sounds downright ridiculous, turns out it’s an actual thing. Start taking immunity supplements and avoid visibly sick people!

I know you said it’s not a request, but I couldn’t help the thought of “How would the Baki characters take care of you?” So I did write some short headcanons after all. For you and anyone else currently bedridden. :)

Baki Characters x Sick! Reader

Featuring Baki and Jack Hanma, Kaiou Retsu, Katsumi Orochi and Pickle. And a reader that’s battling a cold!

Baki Hanma

There are two stages of Baki’s involvement. Once you’re not answering his calls he will be at your front door, worried and considering ways to break in. That’s when he hears the muffled coughing and sneezing through the walls and figures it out: You’re sick. He’ll return with a bag of supplies and offer to stay at your place until you feel better. His help consists of quick Google searches, because he’s never had anyone doting on him and consequently has no idea how to care for someone in such situations.

Second and final stage is him getting sick from you. You’ll wake up in the middle of the night to see him trying to hold back his cough, at first denying his poor health until you touch his forehead and it’s burning. The bad news is that you’re both bedridden. Baki is beyond embarrassed, attempting to justify himself and explaining it has never happened before. Eventually one of his or your friends will show up and pay the occasional visit to play nurse. At least you’re not suffering alone. You’re not sure if it’s an actual saying, but you’re tempted to believe colds go away faster in good company.

Jack Hanma

You don’t want to interfere with Jack’s routine, so once you wake up with the familiar sore muscles, you decide to quietly recover from home. Jack notices your absence and while he does not want to be nonchalant and potentially impose on your personal troubles, he can’t help the curiosity. In fact, he spends the whole training time wondering why you’ve skipped your usual visits. So when you hear a knock on the door you don’t think twice about opening it. Probably your food delivery. Only when you notice Jack’s massive frame blocking any outside view, you gasp in surprise.

“Oh. You seem to be ill.” Is all he states before turning on his heels and leaving. You stand there baffled and eventually return to your warm bed. Just as you cozy up, there’s another knock and you groan, throwing the blankets off of you. This better be the hot soup you ordered. Except it’s Jack again, holding not only your delivery, but also multiple other bags with groceries peeking out. “Y-you’re back?” You mumble. “Well, can’t do much empty handed. Here’s your order, but I got some extra things to help with your cold”, he states as he invites himself in.

Kaiou Retsu

You know Retsu will be worried about you, so you try your best to mask the symptoms over the phone. “That’s a stuffed nose. Are you sick?” He immediately points out. Uh oh. You fumble with some excuses and he promptly hangs up. Have you upset him? You’re starting to feel bad. He’s never dropped out of a conversation like this before. You try to call back several times until you’re distracted by the sound of your doorbell. You’re not in the mood for visitors. You continue your attempts to reach Retsu as you approach the door and open it. “I suspected as much.” Your head snaps up hearing the familiar voice.

Before you can say anything, you’re casually lifted up and brought to your bed. As if he’s been doing it his entire life, the Kenpo master tucks you in and pulls out an apron from his bag. “I’ll check what ingredients you already have in your pantry and go buy the rest. Before that, I’ll make you a tea. Any preferences?” You open your mouth to speak, but he’s already walking away, describing the best choice of drink for the common cold. Really, the best thing you can do right now is to rest and leave everything else to him.

Katsumi Orochi

Usually, Katsumi will avoid using the spare key you’ve given him. On the other hand, he was supposed to pick you up for your regular date night and you haven’t answered his persistent knocking, so you leave him little choice. He quietly apologizes for the intrusion as he unlocks the door and tiptoes his way in. The lights are off and he’s becoming increasingly anxious, almost sprinting to your bedroom. He stops in his tracks once he sees you buried under the blankets, passed out and sweaty from an obvious cold.

Ah. Well, that makes sense. He smiles to himself and gently pats your forehead to make sure it’s nothing serious, then sneaks out of the room. You wake up hours later, groggy and sore. It suddenly occurs to you that you’ve slept through your date and jolt up, nearly collapsing in the process. You erratically search for your phone and call Katsumi to apologize. Simultaneously you hear his ringtone nearby, so you limp outside, confused. As you reach the kitchen, a pleasant smell invades your nostrils. Katsumi turns to look at you. “You’re awake! I made something to help with your cold. I’ll bring it to your bed, so you can go back and rest. We can’t skip our romantic dinner.” He chuckles after the last statement.

Pickle

Pickle has been ill at least once in his life, so he can quickly guess that your coughing and runny nose is not something that’s supposed to happen on the regular. Although, if he’s honest, he has no idea what he should do. He’d deal with his sickness by just sleeping it out, or downright ignoring it. Seeing you like this, however, fills him with an overwhelming desire to help you. He does love you, after all. Witnessing your suffering isn’t something he does with ease.

He manages to gesture the situation to Baki, who follows him back to your place and proceeds to do the first aid he’d sporadically learned over the years. A rather clumsy attempt, but it’s better than nothing. Once Pickle has observed the steps, he swiftly shoos the young boy away. All he needed was a little bit of demonstration, some brief instruction on the modern ways. Everything else will be done by him. It’s only proper that the actual care is performed by your partner. You’re a little afraid of the potential outcome to this experiment. Especially once you hear the loud rattles coming from the kitchen. Don’t worry, it’s all made with love.

*My partner has insisted that I include Yuujirou Hanma just to say that he’d tenderly piss on you. I compromised on a footnote.

[anshelsgendercrisis]

I appreciate learning from your blogs (both transmasc stuff and Jewish stuff), so if it's not overstepping, I am interested in your thoughts on something. Knowing that the terms Zionism and Zionist are being misused so frequently, I did some introductory reading from a few sources, one of which was the ADL. I've found their Hate Symbols Database helpful in the past, and I was looking into their anti-bias training resources since the school I work for has been failing (spectacularly) at such training. Reading their page on Zionism answered some basic questions, and their Myths and Facts about the ADL page also mentioned that "anti-Zionism equates to antisemitism".

Knowing that you (if I am remembering the specifics correctly, sorry if I'm misremembering) are an anarchist and against the existence of all states (including a Jewish one, thus you have explained you are neither Zionist nor anti-Zionist), I was wondering what your general thoughts are of the ADL's perspective on Zionism, and on the ADL as an organization. I hope this question doesn't come off negatively; I know I'm lacking a lot of knowledge, so I'm very grateful to be corrected on anything I said that's wrong/hurtful/ignorant/naive.

Once I get my recent medical stuff figured out, I look forward to signing up to your Patreon and giving more consistently than here-and-there Kofi donations :)

a little background on the adl: it was founded after the conviction and lynching of leo frank. its original purpose was to pressure media and businesses who engaged in antisemitic discrimination or defamation (hence the name). some of the things they engaged in early on were boycotts, demanding prior review of theater productions to screen for antisemitic content, and pressuring advertisers who relied on antisemitic stereotypes. this was in the time leading up to the holocaust, when violence and discrimination against jews was surging all over the world, so it makes a lot of sense why an organization like this was founded.

in terms of the modern organization, i have mixed feelings. i think their hate symbols database can be helpful, and i think some of the data collection is good as well, but there are a lot of stances they have and statements they've made that i really do not agree with, and some of which i think are harmful. that, for me, is why i don't generally use the adl as a primary or sole source for any news or info. i always double check multiple sources and try to use pages like myjewishlearning for educational things.

the adl is also very explicitly pro israel, as in supportive of the current state and government of israel, which is something i'm very much not. as you mentioned, i am an anarchist so i oppose the concept of states in general, including israel, and i'm also highly critical of the current israeli government.

their page on zionism is...accurate from their point of view, and from a lot of progressive zionists' points of view. but i think it paints a rosy picture of zionism that avoids any of the problematics or history of political zionism, which is just not helpful at this point. they're correct that for most people, zionism means advocating for jewish statehood in eretz yisrael, and that there has absolutely been a sort of "yearning for zion" in the diaspora for hundreds of years. and they are correct that there are many zionists who do not support the current israeli government or who advocate for a two state solution.

i also staunchly disagree that antizionism is in and of itself antisemitism. i think it is an ideology and movement that does very easily and too often fall into antisemitism, just because of the nature of how intertwined the conversation is with jewish identity and the jewish people, and we have seen many examples of this over the past month. however, because of the nebulous nature of the definition of zionism, the definition of antizionism is also going to be nebulous. if someone says "i'm a zionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who thinks that jewish people should be able to live peacefully in eretz yisrael alongside other indigenous people or to someone who wants a sovereign jewish state where jews are the ones in power. if someone says "i'm an antizionist", unless they elaborate i'm not going to know if i'm talking to someone who opposes the current state and government of israel and the occupation or someone who thinks (((zionists))) control the media and the banks and that jewish people as a collective are killing palestinian babies for fun. so for me, the terms "zionism" and "antizionism" are kind of useless unless the person i'm talking to further explains their stance, which means trying to label either zionism or antizionism as entirely inherently Bad is counterintuitive to any goal.

so to wrap this up, for me, an unwillingness to tackle the problematics is why i tend to clash with a lot of zionists and zionist institutions and organizations, and it's why i don't generally trust the adl on anything related to israel without other sources to verify.

[oursystemblog]

is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry

Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut

I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.

i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more

Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion

I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.

I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover

Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best

[bookwyrminspiration]

in-depth opinions on keefe (trying to return you to your roots: getting asks about kotlc characters)?

I may be putting several additional feet in several additional fandoms but I promise y'all have me prisoner and can send me as many keeper asks as you want <3

I will say these are my personal, subjective opinions! Which do include a bit of bias (TLDR at bottom)

For years I was perfectly fine with Keefe; he's never been my favorite, but he had some funny lines and an engaging presence. Never failed to liven things up. This changed around end of Legacy/Stellarlune.

It's not because I don't ship sokeefe, but because I felt sokeefe's execution was rushed and overshadowing the rest of the story. Wasn't even a full book since Sophie broke up with Fitz and said she wasn't ready for a relationship, yet there they are. I think they, and we, deserved more time. (and yes, Keefe exists beyond shipping, but given how HUGE of a role it plays in his in-text and fandom presence, i find it relevant)

Of course that's not Keefe's fault, but seeing all the adoration for what I found lackluster kinda pavloved me into a general distaste. Especially when done at the expense at Fitz, one of my favorites. Which is unfair, but I did say there's bias. That's not to say I'm mid on Keefe because I love Fitz or that you can't love both, just that personally I'm a Fitz fan, and seeing Keefe used as a direct comparison to shoot him down doesn't endear him to me (and no, not everybody does this, but I've seen it enough to be impacted)

As for Keefe independently, he's following the path of Ro. Too many traits are staying stagnant and becoming repetitive, which is adulterating what I used to enjoy. The way he steamrolls everything--forcing hands to go to Ravagog in Neverseen, running away in Lodestar and refusing to listen, the mercadir incident in Nightfall, the going behind everyone's back thing in Legacy, the running away again, etc. At first it was annoying but interesting, but at this point it's like...we're still doing this?

The amount of time and effort Sophie has to expend managing Keefe is ridiculous. if we could just knock him out for like 2 months I think she could fix everything. it's gone from a facet of the plot's challenges to straight up nuisance like get tf out of her way !!

Others have mentioned this, but the privacy invasion and making others uncomfortable is another thing that I didn't mind at first but became annoying. A joke or overstep here or there is fine; no one's perfect, and if it moves the story forward, sure. But he's constantly pushing and isn't sorry. And the more it happens, the less I can stand the earlier instances. I do my pagethroughs and just get annoyed where I used to laugh

Is there an understandable explanation for several of these points? yes. how the hell would he know how to have healthy relationships and boundaries when he's been set such bad examples? However, he's also being consistently corrected and ignoring that advice. He's given pep talk after pep talk, has fight after fight, and yet nothing's changed.

Do I think he's beyond saving? No. I've spoken with a few people about this, but I think a key thing holding him back is Sophie's "I could never hate you" promise she keeps making. Because Sophie is the main (if not only) thing that matters to him, he's got a built in safety net for whatever stupid shit he pulls, and never faces the consequences he's really afraid of.

If we took that net away, if he faced her genuine distrust and anger and upset and her exclusion and her hatred--without the "but not really just give me some time" vibe. I think that'd do wonders and we'd actually get somewhere. And also it'd be vindicating to see; the nightfall healing center fight is one of my favorite scenes

TL;DR: In summary, I don't hate Keefe. He has potential and I've enjoyed him in the past. But currently the combination of him being used against Fitz, the lackluster execution of sokeefe (imo), the privacy invasion, and stagnation don't do it for me. His kind of character already isn't my niche, and that doesn't help. Does he have potential to become less annoying? yes! i hope he does for everyone's sakes. until then, mild distaste for him.

i will be taking Fitz, Tam, Cadence, and Luzia and playing in the corner, thanks <3

(this is in no way against Keefe fans. kudos to y'all! i'm simply not one of you atm)

[winchesterdreamgirl88]

The Other Brother

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader also Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Cussing, angst, fluff, BAD WRITING

Summary: You and Dean used to have a small thing together, but you guys drifted apart and Dean left for a little while. After he left you and Sam became very close and eventually it turned into more. You were finally happy and content in life. But what happens when Dean shows up again after a year?

Word Count:2235

A/n: I want to do multiple different versions of this story eventually so keep an eye out for those:) Also I've had serious writers block so I'm sorry if this isn't the greatest. I'm going to try and get better at updating more consistently.

1 Year ago

"Fuck, I can't do this anymore Dean. Sometimes you act like I'm the best thing that's happened to you but recently you've been treating me like some random girl you picked up in a bar."

Things have been rocky with you and Dean for a while now. You got badly injured on a hunt fighting vampires and because Dean was so focused on trying to make sure you were okay 3 of the vampires got away, ever since then you guys have been non stop arguing.

"Oh please, Y/n, obviously you're important to me, why are you acting so crazy?" You and Dean had been together for about 6 months and things were going so well in the beginning. He was so protective, would defend you against anyone who even looked at you the wrong way, but recently you guys have been fighting a lot and it seems like he's done with you.

"Me?? I'm not acting crazy. You used to love me and protect me but now you never come home, we fight all time, hell you barely even kiss me anymore." You said tears started to form in your eyes because he couldn't tell how much he was hurting you.

"You know what I don't need this." Suddenly he turned around and started to walk towards the door. He walked out the door, walked out of your life, and never came back.

Present

It had been a year since Dean had walked out on you, and Sam. You and Sam had gotten really close over the past year. Sam and you began hunting together, you would take over on the research most of the time and Sam was more on the killing side. You two were close before Dean had left but once he was gone something shifted. One night about three months after Dean left you and Sam were doing research together in a library in Nebraska trying to hunt a Wendigo.

Sam had always had feelings for you but stepped aside once he realized you and Dean had. But on that night seeing you in the library with your face buried in a book with your glasses on and hair falling into your face he couldn't help himself. He leaned in closer and tucked your hair behind your ear causing you to look up at him and smile.

"Y/n there's something I've wanted to say to you for awhile now. I've liked you since the day me and Dean met you. You have the kindest heart, the most beautiful smile, your eyes can make me melt by just looking at them. I love you Y/n." Sam said with a sigh of relief that he finally said it.

"I love you too Sam." You said and leaned up to kiss him.

Time Skip 9 Months

You and Sam had been together for 6 months now and you've never felt happier. He was the best boyfriend you could ask for. He was loving, caring, attentive and the two of you rarely ever fought. One night you guys were cuddling on the couch watching tv in the bunker when suddenly someone bursts through the door. Sam and you both got nervous because neither of you was expecting anybody and nobody else you knew had a key. Well except for one person, but it couldn't be him right?

"Stay here, don't move, I'll be back." Sam said as he got up to investigate what was happening. After silence for a while you suddenly heard yelling between Sam and a voice you hadn't heard in a year.

"WHAT THE HELL DEAN! You can't just show up here after a year and expect things to be the same. You really hurt her, she was devastated when you left. You don't just get to come back and think everything's going to be okay. She's mine now! We've both moved on from you. I think you need to leave." Sam finally finished yelling at Dean, neither brother had noticed you standing there.

"Oh please Sam. I had to leave, I had to do what's best for everybody."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You know where I've been the last damn year Sam? I've been hunting those assholes that hurt Y/n. I've been tracking them down and I finally found them in Ohio and killed every last one of them. They hurt her and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. I also had to leave because I needed time away from you." You were so confused by what you just heard you didn't know what to do. What did he just say? He left because he wanted to keep me safe? A million thoughts started running through your head.

"Me? What the hell did I do Dean?"

"YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HER! You think I didn't notice, the whole time we were together I could see you always watching her. Always longing for her, always wishing that she was yours. I'm not an idiot. But you are my brother and she is the woman I love, I wasn't going to stand in way of you two being happy. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you."

"It looks like I was right, you two are together now and happy and made a better life for yourselves. I'll leave the both of you alone and figure out something else."

When the yelling finally stopped and both brothers finally calmed down they finally noticed your presence in the room. You looked like you had seen a ghost. You ran upstairs past yours and Sam's now shared bedroom and ran into the bathroom and started crying. You were so confused and overwhelmed. When you finally felt strong enough you walked downstairs to see both men just sitting in the living room staring at each other. When they noticed you Sam stood up and ran over to you and gave you a hug.

You accepted his hug but something felt wrong now that Dean was here, you couldn't help but look over at him and see sadness and regret in his eyes. "Sam, could you maybe leave us alone for a minute?" You asked hoping that you could just have some one on one time with Dean to figure things out.

"Yeah of course." Sam said with a sigh, pressed a kiss to your temple and went upstairs to his room. Even though you were nervous and hurt you went and sat down next to Dean on the couch and coughed nervously. He grabbed your hand surprised that you didn't pull away and took a deep breath before beginning to talk.

"I'm sorry Y/n, I just got so angry at the fact that I let those vampires hurt you I couldn't stand the thought of them being alive. I had to leave to make sure that they paid. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I just wanted you safe, then once I realized that Sam had feelings for you it made me go crazy and scared. I know he's a better man than me. He can treat you better than I can. he's better for you. When I realized this I decided to leave so the both of you could be happy and finally start a normal life together. I'm so sorry I hurt you Y/n but I guess it's what I'm best at. You and Sam deserve to be happy. I'll be gone in the morning." And with that he dropped your hand, got up and went to the garage.

You sat there stunned and shocked. Everything you thought was wrong. The fact that Dean spent this past year trying to find the vampires that hurt you and kill them, the fact that he wanted you and Sam to be happy even if he wasn't, you weren't sure what to do. Sam suddenly comes down the stairs after hearing Dean leave.

He comes and sits next to you before taking your hand in his. "Look Y/n, Dean coming back here doesn't change anything. I still love you and I still want to be with you. All he's gonna do is cause you pain and suffering and I don't want to see that happen. But I can't tell you what to do, so it's your decision. If you decide to go back to Dean I'll understand. I won't make it awkward, or be mad. We can go back to how it was before no guilt, I promise." With that Sam left you alone with your thoughts.

As if a miracle happened suddenly you knew exactly what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be with. You got up off the couch and started walking.

If you choose Sam

You went into the garage to find Dean working on baby. He hears you come in and stops whatever he's doing to look at you.

"Look, I forgive you. I understand what you did and I will always be grateful for it. But things are different now Dean, I'm in love with Sam. He's the one that makes me happy. But I want you to stay, stay and hunt with us and it'll be like before." You said avoiding eye contact.

"Okay." He said with no hesitation. "I'll stay and we'll try to make this work. You guys deserve each other and I can see how happy you guys are. I'm glad you two found each other. Now go tell Sam before he decides to freak out on both of us." He says now talking with a small hint of a smile. You give him a really quick hug and then run upstairs to go find Sam. You start walking towards your guy's shared room and take a deep breath before walking in. Sam is just lying on the bed but immediately sits up when you walk in.

Suddenly you run over to him and give him a big hug and you feel him relax under your touch. "It's you Sam, you're the one that I want." You said with a big smile on your face. He returns your smile and leans down and gives you a quick kiss.

"I love you so much Y/n, it's always been you."

After a crazy day you both lay down in bed and fall fast asleep. You felt good knowing everything would be okay. You had both boys back in your life and you couldn't be happier.

If you choose Dean

You went upstairs to find Sam, even though you guys shared a bedroom suddenly you felt like you couldn't just walk in so you knocked on the door. "Come in" said a voice that sounded tired and exhausted.

"Hey, can we talk." You said entering the room and then shutting the door. "Yeah of course, come sit down." Sam said making room on the bed for you. This was going to be so hard, you didn't want to hurt Sam. He was one of most kind hearted people you knew, but your heart knew what it wanted. You took a deep breath before talking.

"Sam, these past few months have been great. You've been the best thing in my life, you've made me smile and laugh so much I can't even begin to describe it. But my heart belongs to Dean. I know it's risky and he might hurt me but it's what I want. I don't want you to be angry. Honestly I just wish everything could go back to the way it was before."

"Then it will." He said which made you slightly confused. "All I've wanted is for you to be happy Y/n. So if Dean makes you happy then you need to be with him. Don't worry about me, the three of us will go back to how it was before. Now go find Dean before he leaves." He said and gave you a hug. You got up and started walking towards the door. "Just know if he hurts you again I'm going to kick his ass." Sam said with a smile on his face. "Good to know." You said returning the smile and then running down the stairs into the garage to find Dean.

He had headphones in so he didn't hear you come in. You walked up behind him and placed your hand on his shoulder causing him to jump. He took his headphones out and turned to face you.

"Look, I understand why you did what you did, and I'm so grateful for it. I still want to be with you, my heart still belongs to you, I still love you. But from now on you have to communicate better. If something is bothering you tell me and we'll figure it out together. No more secrets okay."

After a little bit of silence you see Deans face form a big smile and then suddenly he picks you up and spins you around. This causes a big smile to appear on your face, a smile you haven't had in over a year. He decided to take you on a short drive to look up at the stars and talk about everything that happened since he had been away. You looked up at the stars knowing your heart was happy.

[azulcrescent]

Hi Azul! :) I started following your silly scribbles about a year ago, and seeing Cheryl model how she came out to her friends and family in the comic helped me articulate my gender experience better with my wife and even come out to my friends and family. Thanks for sharing your art! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're experiencing poor sleep and burnout lately. :( Those can make you feel awful. I've had a chronic illness for the past six years -- and I'm fully aware that's something separate, nor do I want to equate it with your experiences -- but, at risk of giving any unsolicited advice, I do wish someone had said something to me about this when I first felt those as well. Because I was pushing myself to work for 2 hours a day as a special education paraprofessional in a wheelchair due to fatigue and systemic dysfunctions throughout my body -- so I had to quit my job since I was making my health even worse. When I stopped working, I was fully bed bound for a time but even still kept pushing myself to attempt grad school online despite only being able to sit up for 5-10% of the day. My point is that, even when our bodies are burnt out, we still push ourselves because that's generally just our human nature to do. And I wish that during that time someone had gently said it's okay to slow everything down and listen to what my body was telling me it needed.

With slowing down, I also get that finances are a thing, and I wouldn't have been able to recover from severe to moderate ME/CFS without my wife working her butt off for us to cover medical expenses by switching jobs and upskilling. (She jokes that she has no more butt anymore because of those years :'(... )

So, although this is stepping into unsolicited advice, but as someone who was burnt out and constantly eepy for years, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not try to say something and just give a bullet point list of free things that helped my nervous system not be so overstimulated and tired but wired that I couldn't sleep and even when I did it was unrefreshing and yucky to wake up the next day:

•Search for "ally boothroyd yoga nidra" on YouTube and pick a 10 minute video •Do belly breathing to expand the diaphragm (one of the few ways we can give input to our parasympathetic nervous systems -- the rest, digest, and heal system) •When breathing, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat to tell your body it can be calm •Spinal flossing in bed: start from your lowest vertebrae you can, try to isolate it with your muscles, and shift it up down left and right, then go up to the next one •Listen to how your body responds to foods: maybe try cutting out gluten and refined sugars for a week to see if it helps in any way; a lot of our immune system is in the gut, and being in a stressed state can cause our immune systems to mistake food molecules for pathogens which then activates the immune system and turns off the parasympathetic nervous system •Drop your jaw fully open like you're going to yawn, then stretch your tongue upward outside your mouth as far as it can go and stretch it around. This is a stretch for the muscles near your vagus nerve near your ear/neck behind the jaw to help them relax •Plan a bedtime routine for the thirty minutes before you go to bed and be consistent •Brain retraining: When you feel stressed or anxious about sleep or being burnt out, compassionately tell yourself "Stop, stop, stop." Thank that part of you for bringing up its concern, then remind that part of yourself that it doesn't need to worry anymore because you are working on recovering and healing. And if the insomnia or fatigue do happen, you have plans for what to do and will be okay. •Remember the conclusion from the American TV show Mythbusters: https://www.tumblr.com/gretchensinister/678474387179077632/one-of-the-most-life-changing-things-i-ever You're still getting rest even if you just close your eyes. You've talked about having ADHD, and while I don't have it, I get that it messes up brain chemicals and can contribute to both insomnia and burn out. There might be a reddit discussion that speaks to you better about medications or deficiencies. I hope you get to rest. Cheering for you. It's always fun to see your art. Thanks for what you do! :) Sleepy cat tax:

Glad to hear you like my comics! And thank you for the very informative and helpful info on sleeping better! Ill try to put your advice to use!

[taralen]

Announcement: SOCIAL MEDIA AND FANDOM HIATUS

I've been active on here and X/Twitter for a few months now, interacting with the Deltarune fandom, particularly the Spamton sub-fandom. This has brought me into a world I never dreamed of before, the sense of being part of a community.

Never in my entire life have I felt part of any community. During this time period, I've made more friends than I have in over a decade. I was so wary of meeting new people and letting them into my life, but now I don't feel as scared anymore. I even discovered what it feels like to fall in love with someone real.

That said, I am exhausted. I've emotionally and mentally exhausted myself trying to be there for so many people, to be the person I failed to be ten years ago when everyone I knew dropped me into a dumpster and insisted, "You don't know how to be human."

I've reached my limit. I can't do this anymore. People are assuming too much of me.

Before opening myself up to this fandom, I never wanted to closely associate with anyone who didn't have a single original piece of work tied to their name. I considered anything fandom-related a total waste of time, and I never saw any value in such communities... Until I finally let myself become part of one. My childhood friend recommended I start being more open by drawing my favorite character, Spamton.

I took his advice... Obviously. I felt like, for the first time, I was healing...

But these new connections brought new problems I'm still not used to handling. I had isolated myself for so long, consistently keeping in contact with only three people for almost a decade since all the people in my past friendship group betrayed me. I realized a fatal flaw in my character, and it's that I keep trying to be strong for so many people that I've become neglectful of myself...

I genuinely... Have no idea who I am anymore. I've lost touch with myself since I got so excited about being part of this community. I focused so much only on being there for my new friends that I had to stop and think, "Wait... Does anyone actually know me outside of all this...?"

Does anyone know who I am... Outside this fandom? Do they care?

I developed acute mono/autophobia, and it took me until recently to discover why: because this happiness is so overwhelmingly beautiful to me that the thought of losing it all is driving me to deeper madness. This thought, of course, is as irrational as any phobia is... And I had to ask myself, "Did I let myself become too open and vulnerable? Were the walls I had before preferable to this?"

And so... I am retreating to those walls for now. I am going on a hiatus. I want to focus on my personal projects that are entirely my ideas and settings, and I am uncomfortable sharing 99% of them except among trusted friends. I have an original novel I already finished about 25% of the first draft of, and I took a pause on it because of my involvement in this fandom. It's time I stop and allow myself to reconnect with myself... To the things that matter most to me.

I am not leaving—absolutely not—but I am broken. I realized that despite all the times I've been strong for other people, I can't count on anyone to be there for me at my absolute lowest. I've been overexerting myself to be strong for others so much that I'm doing it at my own expense, and I feel like I'm sinking into a tar pit of agony.

This little trash puppet needs to feel the comfort of er... my trash. I'm sorry. I will be gone for at least a week. I'm still available to friends on Discord, but that's the only place I'll be.

I'm overloaded and overused. I'm sorry... I have about half a dozen commissions to finish anyway.

My inbox is still open, so if anyone wants to have fun with that and shoot me an e-mail, then feel free to. Otherwise...

[dinogoofy]

Sorry about the wait guys. This past couple of weeks has been a shit show, lot of shoots writing assignments, i was threatened at work, you know. Normal shit. but I'm trying my best to catch up!

Sorry that the ending is a little rushed

There's a friendly Gargoyle on top of your apartment building. He's pretty handsome for a statue, and you've taken a liking to him. You sit against him sometimes while reading or doing some work. You're enjoying the ambiance of the rooftop during the full-moon in October, and lean over and kiss him on the shoulder. It's silly, you know, but you wanted to thank him for being such a good friend. All of a sudden, he starts to move. You're completely embarrassed, but he thinks it's funny. Turns out, he thinks you're pretty cute too!

  This week was a shit show. 

   Really. You’ve been overworked due to that one flakey co-worker who always seems to call out and leave you with the majority of the work, on top of your nine-day work week this week. Nine days. Jesus christ, it was such a nightmare. To make it worse, you were really hoping to do something with your friends this week. Most of them had said they were tired, or busy with one thing or another, and you were fine with that. 

   At least you were, at first. You’re lounging on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through social media and trying to take your mind off of things. Things dont work out sometimes, you knew that. But it felt so isolating. You sigh, opening snapchat. You see a new story from one of the friends you had spoken with, and opened it.

   You heart sunk a little. She was out partying with the friend group. Your friendgroup. Everyone was there, exempt for Sonya, who was deployed at the moment. You scowl. Well, at least you had one friend you could trust. You leave your phone on the couch, and grab your bag and a book.

   You just wanted to get away, and you knew just where to go.

   It was really chilly out tonight, the moon was full, the sky surprisingly full of stars, despite the light pollution usually blocking them out. You sigh, droping your bag haphazardly on the roof before making your way over to your favorite spot. 

   An old gargoyle sits on the roof of your building. He looks out of place compared to the rest of the architecture of the buildings around you, as the rest of the city urbanised much quicker than your basically historic apartment building. He’s solid stone, the size of a regular man. He’s crouched on the ledge, a serious face with intricate carvings across his face and arms. His hands and feet aren’t quite human-like, looking almost like paws with weathered claws to match. Two huge wings are splayed out behind him in an intimidating display, supposedly to ward of demons and evil spirits. The owner of the builing, the grandson of the man who had built the building and commissioned the gargoyle, had a tendency to go on and on about the stone guardian, but you had a much more simple attachment to him.

   You sit down on the ledge of the roof, feet dangling over the side as you scoot closer underneath the wings of the gargoyle.

   “Oh man, do I have some tea to tell you.” You sigh. Your long-winded rant of the day begins, slowly turning into more and more delirious thoughts. Maybe the group didn't invite you because partying can tire you out. Maybe it was because they wanted to bar hop in dive bars and you hated dive bars. Thoughts like this started to spiral. Then you started to land on lack-of-boyfriend thought, and how every relationship, long or short term, has failed spectacularly.

   "You know, I'm pretty sure you're the most consistent man I've ever had in my life." You sigh with a smile. "-Assuming you are, indeed a man, that is." The dlerious giggles bubble out of you, and you wipe your eyes as they start to die down. 

   "God, what am I doing with my life." You lean a little more heavily onto the side of the Gargoyle, closing your eyes to take in the feeling of cool stone and cool air on your skin. Feeling a little goofy, maybe a little sentimental, you turn your head and press a kiss to the stone cheek of the Gargoyle. 

   You sit there in silence for a moment, frowning as you think about your shitty week and your shitty "friends", when a shift from the stone makes your heart drop into your stomach. You slip for a second before jerking your weight backwards in panic, and off of the ledge back onto the flat roof. Fuck fuck fuck. Did you just fucking break the most-likely hundred year old stone sculpture? Your eyes are clenched shut, waiting for the dreaded sound of stone hitting the concrete stories below you. But after a couple moments of nothing happening, you nervously crack an eye open.

   The Gargoyle is fine. In fact, it's in perfect condition. The only thing is- it had moved. It had turned around in a complete 180, facing you on the roof. It looks exactly as it did before, just, rotated. 

   "That's… strange." You breathe. Man, you must be drunk, or drugged or something because you could have sworn-

   "What's strange?" The Gargoyle asks. His stone wings twitch as he smiles at you, face full of confusion.

   You shriek.

   He holds his clawed hands out in front of himself, shushing you as you crawl backwards away from him. 

   "It's okay- it's okay! It's just me!" This has to be some sort of nightmare. The Gargoyle stands, stone grinding on stone as he walks toward you. Your back hits your bag from where you had sloppily left it from before. You grab it and chuck it at him, standing and turning to run to the stairwell. He catches it easily, frowning. You're almost at the stairwell, but you hear the flap of huge wings and then the Gargoyle lands in front of you, bag in hand. Cutting you off from your escape route. 

   "Jesus fucking christ!" You wheeze. Flinching. You hadn't expected a literal HUNK OF STONE to be so fast, but then again, you didn't expect him to move either. 

   "Are you okay?" He asks, holding your bag out to you. You just stare at him for a moment, and then after her nudges it out to you again, you slowly reach out and take it. 

   "Oh man," You say. "This is so freaky." The Gargoyle gives you a cautious smile, shifting as he stands. His wings settle lower behind him. 

   "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He says. You press your lips into a line. You didn't really know what to say. In all honesty, you're kind of still in shock.

   "So… you- uh, you can move?" You muse in an uncertain tone. It comes out more like a statement than a question. The Gargoyle nods. 

   "The entire time?" You ask. He nods again, wings twitching idly.

   "And you've heard everything too…?" He shifts at that question, tilting his head at you in a confused display.

   "Of course I have." He says. "Was I not supposed to?" You blush a little, think back to all the nights you've come up here tipsy, spilling some amount of embarrassing secrets to the Gargoyle. You sigh, pressing your palms into the outline of your eye sockets.

   "I- well, I guess I can't say that. I was talking to you after all." You pout. When you pull away your hands, he's looking at you with the most adorable concerned face. You're a little taken back, you didn't expect something so… scary? To act like a puppy dog. You smile a little, but you still had more questions to ask.

   "Why haven't you moved until now?" You ask. He shrugs, leaning back on the heels of his feet.

   "I couldn’t. Gargoyles are made to remain still for as long as our master demands protection, or at least until a threat appears." He says. "I'm not entirely sure what change has caused my freedom at the moment." You nodd, a little lost at the explanation. It seems that there's a lot that just goes over your head with this whole moving gargoyle business. You don't really know what to say. The Gargoyle steps towards you all of a sudden, reaching out to take one of your hands into his own rather gingerly.

   "I'm not really supposed to be moving now, to be honest. But I couldn't stand to sit there a moment longer. I've enjoyed your company, and I wanted to introduce myself properly."

You can't help but giggle at his eager words, still a little embarrassed that you were taking to a real person the entire time. He introduced himself as Syzoth, and you find yourself strangely endeared by him. The space between you had closed a little, and before you knew it. He's leaning in close to your face. 

    "Wait- hold on a moment..!" You say, blushing and leaning away. He sets his hands on your arms as they rest against his chest, and cocks his head at you?

   "Am I not supposed to kiss you? You kissed me just earlier. Was I not supposed to return the favor…?" He says, confused. "This is what humans do to show affection is it not?"

   "I- well, I'm not saying you can't kiss me. I just-" He cuts you off, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to your own. You're startled at first, but fuck it. He seemed so sweet, and he's gentle with you, and to be honest you really, really wanted to kiss him back. So you did. You lean into the kiss, deepening it, and you can feel him smile against you. His lips are surprisingly smooth, and he lets you deepen and control the kiss instead of himself. You have a feeling it's because he doesn't want to pinch you.

   When he pulls away, he has the sweetest, goofiest smile on his face.

   "I would very much like to do that more often." He says. You can't help but giggle at him. He looks a little confused, so you lean in and kiss him again sweetly. If stone could blush, he'd probably be red from head to shoulders. You decide that you might want to do that more often, too.

[maybemoonout]

if you were to put together a milex starter pack, what would be the top moments you’d include?? love your blog btw! 💗

Hi there anon! I'm so sorry it took me so long to answer this, there's just a lot going on right now for me so I only really found the time to answer this now! I hope you don't mind and still see this T_T

A starter pack sounds like such a fun idea! I want this to be sort of a bite sized post that allows new people from the fandom to find a little bit of everything they need to know. I think that's a good idea, so I decided with that!

///

To get started, I wanted to link this post by @i-m-a-leaf-on-the-wind who made an AMAZING full blown post proving milex and it's wonderfully detailed and full of interview moments that start from the true beginning. A GREAT read if you need something to get you started!!

Some of my favorite moments that I got from that post are:

— Alex Turner on ‘Hot Press’ (x)

— Miles Kane, Les Inrocks Magazine 2016 (x)

And many many more from that post, it's also a great place to collect gifs since it has a lot, just remember to credit @i-m-a-leaf-on-the-wind !!

///

Another GREAT post to read about their relationship is this post by @paperlovesadness that discusses Miles and Alex's relationship as the definition of Twin Flames. It's INCREDIBLY detailed and has sources for all the interviews mentioned. It's honestly such an interesting study, the definition of twin flames, even outside Milex, so please do give it a read!!

///

More great reads for this fandom are song analyses! You can find tons just by searching, but personally I have read all the song analyses of @yellowloid and @paperlovesadness, and I love them A LOT. I also have a few of my own, just check out my #ask !!

///

@puppetsspace started a Milex Timeline of events but it only ever made it to 2007, I don't know if anyone else made a bigger timeline but this is still a great blog to check out for the early timelines! My favorite one there has to be this post where Miles sees Alex for the first time and he looks in awe. Very sweet!

///

@yummilexhub created a full blown collection of the entire EYTCTE Tour!! A great place to get sources and clips!! please check it out here!

///

Now for some more fun stuff, if I had to choose my favorite moments it would be really... difficult. I have A LOT in mind and I honestly can't pick just a few so I'll try limiting it as much as I can.

---

1. The Iconic Øyafestivalen 2016 hug

Need I say more? Miles HIMSELF posted this moment, so it's not surprising everyone loves it, including meself.

2. The Iconic Coachella Kiss

This is honestly my favorite for 2 reasons:

[edited] I was unfortunately a slave to the internet but I originally said here that they were really banned but really its just a rumour!! I hears the guy handling coachella really wasn't happy with the whole thing thoigh, still funny lmfao

It was the one of the few moments that were the closest to a kiss, there are a few others but this one is the most popular and most iconic because again of said reason in #1.

3. Sharing Clothes

This ones not really a moment but a collection of moments. I find it EXTREMELY FUNNY that whenever people do those "boyfriend style" things on Alex, you see the regular array of ex girlfriends or current girlfriend, and out of nowhere, it's just Miles HAHAHAHHA. LIKE IT'S FUNNY AS HELL. I find it kinda sweet that Miles is somehow the... consistent out of all of the styles, like no matter the era of Alex there's gonna be a moment where he shares clothes with Miles, compared to the others who obviously only ever share with him in one period. I guess that's the perks of being the best friend?

Some examples:

Striped Shirt

Leather Jacket

Fred Perry Cardigan

4. The Albums being called "their baby"

This one is a little more of a stretch because I've only ever seen it one time. In this interview Alex says "for the past 8 years we've considered...trying for another baby" then they both start laughing hysterically. It's funny and cute :)) If anyone ever sees a different moment where Alex and Miles call the albums their babies, please do let me know!

5. I Want You (She's So Heavy)

These gifs explain themselves I think

///

I honestly can't think of more on top of my head right now, if anyone wants to add more please do! I'll definitely add more later but for now, this is my starter pack!

I hope this is a good little collection of stuff for you guys to see a little bit of everything!

[grahamfolgersdeliciousnotebooks]

20 questions for fic writers

[EDIT: sorry if you got a notification that you were tagged in this post even though I didn't tag you. Tumblr's being weird about this one.]

Tagged by @cirrus-grey - thank you! (Also, sorry this took me like three months to do, executive dysfunction is a hell of a thing)

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

33

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

197,768

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The only fandom I've written for as an adult has been the Magnus Archives (and I actually have a lot of thoughts on why tma was sort of a perfect storm for getting me back into creating and consuming fanfic, but I'll spare you for now). There are a couple other fandoms I wrote for when I was in middle school back in the fanfic(.)net days, but some things are better left in the past.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie)

I'll take "A Flagrant Misuse of Beholding Powers" for 200

stay with me, hold my hand

Come, my dear, and be a part of my home

please, hurry, leave me, I can't breathe (please don't say you love me)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Sometimes. I really want to get more consistent about it, but my executive dysfunction makes it hard. My big problem now is that it feels weird to go back and respond to comments I got months ago, but it also feels rude to respond to more recent comments without ever responding to those older ones, so I'm feeling kind of stuck. One day, though, my ADHD will be properly medicated and I will get back to responding to every comment I get.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angst is one of those things that I love to read but don't always think to write, so pretty much all of my fics have happy endings atm. The only ones that can really be said to have angsty endings are the pre-Unknowing and safehouse fics where the knowledge of what will happen next in canon makes any ending automatically bittersweet. With that in mind, let's go with Hold My Hand When My Courage Fails, because I DO think a pre-Unknowing kiss makes season 4 angstier.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like I said, I write almost entirely happy endings, so it's hard to narrow this one down. I'm gonna go with Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie) because I threw in the completely unnecessary (but still necessary to me) detail that Sasha survives the Prentiss incident at the end of that one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No! I've been very lucky on that front.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I haven't, though I might someday. As an ace person (somewhere in the sex-nuetral/sex-averse realm) I don't feel super confident in my ability to write good smut. It's really intimidating, but I'd love to try some day.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really? The only thing I've written that could be crossover is my fic where Jonathan Sims competes on Jeopardy!, but I'm not really sure that counts.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

My AO3 history should make it clear I'm pretty fond of Jonmartin, but I'm also a big Griddlehark (tlt) fan.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I've started a tma fic that's essentially a Marple AU (with Gertrude as the Miss Marple surrogate) that plays with the idea of sleuth-as-Beholding-avatar, but it's very tricky to blend all the plot threads I want to include together into one cohesive mystery, so I don't know if it will ever get finished.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'll be honest, I don't think I'm a very good judge of my own writing, especially my strengths. It's not that I think I'm a bad writer necessarily, but I really struggle to pinpoint any one thing that I do well - especially because for every aspect of my writing I like, I can point to five writers in the same fandom who do that much better. Right now I'm just glad I'm getting stuff written at all.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I worry that my characterizations tend to be pretty thin. I also struggle in juggling more than a few characters at a time, and sometimes I will omit characters who logically should be in a fic just because I can't think of anything for them to do.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't have anything against it. I could see people running into problems if they write dialogue in a language they themselves don't speak (relying on Google translate, for instance) but in general I don't see anything wrong with it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Uglies series by Scott Westerfield, back when I was in middle school.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Don't make me choose!

I might have to go with Say You Love Me (Learn to Lie) because that was the most fun I've ever had writing and publishing a fic - the response to that one was really great, and since that was one of the only times I actually managed a consistent release schedule, it felt really nice having that to look forward to every Tuesday.

But SYLM(LTL) was my answer for like half of these questions, so I'll also throw out Cut My Hair and Changed My Face (I'm Learning How to Forget That Place). I did a pretty terrible job of tagging that one and it didn't get a lot of hits, but it's one of my favorites. I love s4 Jmart angst, I love Jon & Daisy's s4 friendship, and I frankly can't believe it took me so long to write a fic combining the two.

[t00nyah]

If you could make your own video game (think of an idea l and it just snaps into existence somehow) what would it be about and what mechanics would it consist of? What platforms would it be available for? Who's the target demographic? Or anything else you want to ramble about... I like to think of creating my own games sometimes.

haha they dont know i have a joke rpg game i made in a day to test my abilities.

in all seriousness though, i actually did have bigger projects that i never finished... so, just gonna drop that i'm a big fan of RPG maker games, horror ones, PSYCHOLOGICAL horror ones for even better score. and i am kind of a liiiittle experienced with rpg maker.

warning!!

this answer ended up containing a lot of sensitive topics(in my opinion??) and i tried my best to make sure to include them in tags AND before each idea's explanation, please check the tags and not proceed if those topics are sensitive to you personally!!

i had a project that i started making as a vent. that's the closest i had to actually making something. it was called zepphire's lair. zepphire is my sona from 2015 that had very bright neon colours that were probably UNBEARABLE to look at, then i tried redesigning her years later into something pastel. and then, umm... in 2022 i had issues with my style because i used to be VERY caught in 'oh,,,this one line is weird,,,how do people even like my art there's a stray pixel there...god.' and decided to do something about it. this 'something about it' was changing my art style to PURPOSEFULLY unpleasant to look at, messy and annoying. it was bright, i didnt care, and honestly i think it helped with being that critical to myself. anyways. sorry im rambling but it is important

so in 2022, when i had a giant relief of drawing in the most unbearable(and stunning at the same time) art style, i reused zepphire. FUCK PASTEL said me. NEONS ARE GOOD. it was a great decision.

so zepphire's lair was meant to be an rpg game where you play as zepphire. who in her head is still her young self that doesn't have to think about what happened. but in reality, her magical world she was meant to become a god of was destroyed and ruined because she wasn't responsible enough with powers granted to her. she is now the only resident of the Forbidden Location, an alternative world that people could get into by just clipping randomly. like you know when you find a spot in a videogame that doesn't have an invisible wall and you go OH. that. i wasn't sure how to continue working on it because it lacked story to tell as present. it had a past story to unfold, but i had no idea what would happen now. i had a thought of someone getting into FL somehow after long time and zepphire trying to solve this because they're clearly not meant to be there while in her head she's still stuck struggling with herself.

i want to put a little bit of assets i made for zepphire's lair, but since it's all very bright toxic neon i think i'm gonna place them at the veeeery end so you don't have to look at them if you can't stand it.

CW: cartoon blood!! a little bit of it!!

next up is my cool idea of a fangame! so, purrfect apawcalypse is one of my favourite game series. and i've been following it since first one and i have a LARGE fanmade setting set in the same universe! (in fact, two! i also made a reference for kitsune high which is set to be in an agricultural town inhabitated by foxes! it was a cool project)

the game idea was to make an rpg (because, again, that's all i know, lmao) that follows the Chatting club - a school interest club literally dedicated to rumors and just having a good time - as they unveil the secrets their school holds. cats and dogs disappearance cases? rumors of ghost around? who the heck lives in the garden and what're they up to? what is up with the Detective club's president Seraphima? there are many mysteries. it would have an overall vibe of the original novellas' series - a cutesy game about very cute furries and weird magic stuff happening, while also having a little bit...darker tone. like i was actually going to explore a very dark topic with this one but honestly? right now i really don't like the way i wrote it back then. if i were to pick up the idea again i deffo would try to rewrite it and make more sense into it. i like the detective vibe it had going though!

here are some references of the characters that are important to the plot! a lot of twists were planned for this story and i'm not going to tell them all because it's a secret tee-hee.

also as i searched for the refs i found that the working title of the game was 'purrfect meowting'

another concept for a game i had...which is a lot.

CW: contains themes of child neglect, probably abuse, general cat mistreatment, probably a bit of ableism(im unsure about this one) and maybe a bit of weird racism because one of mc's character's parent is weird and very stupid and we are allowed to hate her for that...i hope i mentioned it all.

i have a little ocs setting with three main characters that i refer as 'kitty girls' this story is tragic and is based on idea i had about making a story...about girls...but put them into life situations that would reflect what cats sometimes have to go through bc some humans are trash, but put it through a human lens, although not exactly. it also ended up a story that portrays children who've lost their childhoods for various reasons. idk how to explain.

these are Snowwhite, Rouge and Patches. their names were meant to be reflecting what another one's kitty sona is, but i fucked up, lol.

Showwhite is a picture perfect girl for her parents who's mostly been treated as a prize all her life, making her feel sick of herself. Rouge was neglected by her mom because 'she wasn't born red'(as in orange...like a cat...i used cat allegories every time i explained it but i think the implications are clear enough - her mother wanted her to look different.) and she lived a happy life with her grandparents. and Patches...is a deaf girl whose parents just couldn't take care of her properly so she ended up in an orphanage. she has awful attachment issues.

i won't explain the whole plot but their stories were meant to be kind of a portrayal of how some people treat animals as just objects, things they can just get rid of. a cat of specific breed, bred for specific traits which may be hurtful to it, a cat whose owner just threw it away after it not meeting the expectations, and a general theme of people not wanting to take in cats with injuries that make them 'not pretty' for them. i don't know why im tearing up right now but these make me so upset and i smh wanted to portray these issues though human characters, and while adapting them i realized that those awful stories ended up overlapping with how neglectful parents end up treating their children.

in the end they end up in cat heaven, where they all meet and get to be happy and be themselves. snowwhite learns to love herself for who she is and find out hobbies there, rouge just finally gets friends she lacked. also patches doesn't magically start hearing in cat heaven, she was given an option to but she felt overwhelmed a lot and ended up sticking to being deaf but not treating it as a bad thing, just a different thing.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BONUS SECTION

i also have this unused character and concept art that i just made bc i finally felt like i could do something back in the day

her working name was 'vogel'

so. returning to zepphire's lair. one thing i forgot to mention earlier is that i also even made OST for it (didn't feel like it would fit the text above). this one is just the theme that plays in the first playable area

main menu theme...is too heavy for tumblr apparently. huh. it's a very simple tune it just goes on for very long (bc there's an easter egg if you listen to it for too long!!!)

next section contains bright images that im gonna put even deeper below!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

title screen!

intro cutscene! small baby zepphire, and then zepphire acquiring her godmode key, and then ending up becoming a photoshooter!! the camera is important .

here she is!!! the cat herself!!!

a photo that she has in her inventory!! it's mewtona, her sister!

gameplay-wise i was gonna make it so you can collect random photos zepphire made and have to learn the implications of that and what it has to do with 'the photoshooting incident'. it would be somewhat close to omori - part of story is in reality and parts of it in headspace that explains the story.

I THINK that's all. sorry this took so long that was a lot of yapping!!!

[jadeglas]

Wow, it's been a hot minute since I was last here in an interacting, not lurking way, but let's try this again!

I'm Jade, a 30-something year old mama and storyteller cleverly disguised as a grown ass woman. I have trouble with consistency and I hate being in charge, but I promise I can tell a good story.

Things have been gradually getting to be too much over the past ... 8 or 9 months or so? I have a bad habit in which I'll set reasonable goals and schedules for myself, get bored at the difficulty level, and start increasing the intensity of too many things, too quickly, without giving myself time to adjust to anything properly, and then wonder why I feel like I'm drowning. It's something I'm working on.

There's this app called Sprout? It helps. You get a cute bird friend to help encourage you to complete tasks and take care of yourself. Message me if you're on Sprout, too, and you want a friend!

So yeah, I'm a mama first, always. I started working part time at my youngest gremlin's preschool, but I'll be backing off that a little bit soon, so that should give me a consistent day to create.

My original stories that I first started telling everyone about? They've changed so much! I have a different structure, now, and so many potential new stories to write. The same premise, though - A world in which a small portion of the population has superpowers. A country in which you either register your superpowers with the government so that you can use them legally (sanctioned), or don't register them, gaining the title non-Sanctioned, and risk imprisonment or worse if you're found out. And of course, the theme to the series is action/thriller romance in which the villain (or vigilante) gets the girl, because heroes are nice and all, but at the end of the day, don't you want someone willing to burn the world down just to see you smile? I'll go on more about it in another post, don't want to make this one drag on too long.

Oh! And I started a business, bc of course I didn't have enough I was trying to do already, but it's already registered and legal and everything, even if I don't have my own website up yet. I've been learning about how to put websites together, so if you have any questions about that, feel free to drop a question to me! Once I get over the imposter syndrome, I'll be wanting to work with authors, especially romance authors, and I know Squarespace best, but I know a lot of "best practice" stuff that's helpful for any platform, too.

So yeah, if any of this peaks your interest, feel free to say hi. Like I said, I'm inconsistent and trying to work out why I'm not getting notifications that people have been messaging me? I set an alarm to help me remember to check that regularly, so communication should improve (if you have messaged me and are waiting on a response, I'm so sorry!)

And if you're a writer, too, tell me about what you're working on! I like most stuff and I'll be happy to gush about your fic with you, fan or oc!

Take care of yourself, ok?

~ Jade

[hongtiddiez]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)