#sorry for neglecting this account <3 i have had a busy time the past two weeks!!

[mcyt-cats]

I've been horribly busy, so have some Bumper today :3

[levmada]

Strange and Unfamiliar (But Not Unwelcome) Pt.2

summary: Levi and Furlan, two people who could never trust anyone, experience that and more for the first time.

This time, Levi bottoms.

wc: 9.7k

content/warnings: foreplay, enthusiastic consent, massage, nipple play, fingering, rimming, anal play, prostate massage, sex so good it makes Levi cry, banter, teasing, cockwarming, service dom!Furlan, soft, making love kinda, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, cum-eating, edging, begging, praise, one use of 'good boy', soft aftercare

a/n: I became super inspired after what was supposed to be a standalone oneshot about levifar's first time fnudjfier that im going to write them exploring each others bodies 2 more times. and u know what, im thinking about levihan and eruri too. as my top 3 fav aot ships.. mm.. we'll see.

| Part 1 | Part 3 |

Furlan sighs like he's been holding it in for hours, and leans back in his chair. "Finished. Finally."

The makeshift work station—nothing more than an emaciated table and chair—being shoved into the sitting room's back corner like it is meant Furlan should've had Levi in the corner of his eye since he started sweeping.

Levi feels confident about that. It was his intention, ever since he finished up more mundane chores. Furlan was still accounting and running numbers by then, so he chose to sweep the spotless floor. It's about time for him to be done.

He sweeps nonexistant dust into a corner, pretending he hasn't been faking the task for the past hour. Yeah, he couldn't stand sitting around in anxious anticipation for one more day, and yeah, the back-and-forth repetition was relaxing, but, there's no such thing as too clean.

Their eyes meet when Furlan speaks. There's already something unspoken there, because there has been. For days now.

Wordlessly, Levi tugs down his facecloth, so it sags around his neck like a bandana. "Good."

He crouches, and does his final act of pretending with the dustpan, then rises, and walks past Furlan’s curious eyes to the hallway. He taps the dustpan against the little trashcan, and leans the broom against the corner of the linen closet. The subtle click of the door opening and shutting is a little loud to his ears.

"Took a while. Sorry, Levi."

"It's not a surprise. Things've been busy lately," he says, coming up behind Furlan. In his absence, Furlan got to reviewing the pages, crowded with rows of pencil scratches, over again.

"Way to state the obvious," he remarks warmly.

He looks tense. Levi's lithe palms float down to Furlan's shoulders, on top of his buttoned shirt and that blue vest that always brings out the darker tones in his eyes.

But right now, it's an obstacle more than anything. He smooths the pads of his thumbs into the tight muscles on the nape of Furlan's neck, upwards, and expands out. A small groan immediately falls out of him.

Before Levi can do any more, he catches Furlan trying to glance over his shoulder at him, and states the obvious. "A massage?"

Levi deadpans, and guides his cheek back around to face forward again. While he's at it, he nudges the shoulders of the vest down. Levi hears buttons snap before it loosens, and falls off his shoulders completely.

"I could use your opinion on something."

Levi grunts. "What?"

"Maybe expanding our operation here... The MP have been quiet lately, and we have the means. What do you think?"

He ponders it while he strokes Furlan's shoulders. "Yeah. People have expressed interest."

"That test of strength thing didn't work before. Have you thought about my plan?"

"Yeah. I've thought about it. Getting Daniel and Roe to talk to a few I've had an eye on... except I'll neglect the guys everyone thinks I'll pick, including themselves.

"I revised your plan more after that. They'll be shitting themselves when I talk to them one-on-one later on, and be eager to do what I say."

"That's really smart," Furlan mumbles.

"I know." He digs his fingers in.

A reserved moan can be heard as Levi applies pressure. "What about kids?"

"...Maybe."

Recruiting young is a touchy decision for Levi. He would rather think of it as rescuing them from certain death. They get delivery jobs. They become messengers. Pay and food.

Especially if they've lived on scraps for a while. It's a testament to their strength. It wouldn't take long after a look around to find kids in need, but it takes longer to find the ones who've endured.

"Enough with the business talk for one night," Levi grumbles. "Seems like that's all you're thinking about."

"Nope. Part of why I took so long is because you're distracting," Furlan chuckles, and leans back to peer up at him upside down. "But you probably knew that already, am I right?"

Levi's cheeks warm. Buttons snap. "That's news to me..."

He's pleased to find Furlan's collar already open to the top of his chest, and more buttons being worked open all the time. He slides his hands down over the dips and peaks of his collarbones, following the soft curves of his pecs. It's warm under his shirt, almost toasty, and faintly dusted in blond hairs. They tickle his palms. Furlan hums.

They've been meaning to do this for a while now. Only, reserving a few hours even out of the night has been challenging lately. They'd both be remiss to call Levi something of a leader, but they've been doing well for themselves lately. Furlan is his partner in that way, and in other ways.

For Levi especially, the suspense has been killing him. Hence the sweeping, and his impatient hands diving into Furlan's shirt now that it's open. He flattens his palms on his soft pecs, pushing them together and apart like a massage.

Upside down, he watches Furlan's lips part and his eyes float closed, then shut tight as Levi tweaks his nipples. "Levi."

His bottom half heats.

In no time, they harden, like putty under Levi's touch. After pinching, and getting a small whine out of Furlan, he soothes the hard buds with his thumbs.

Furlan's chest rises and falls. One hand gravitates to the top of Levi's, caressing while the other goes down, and closes on the front of his pants.

Levi's legs turn a little weak in the knees as he watches, and hears Furlan sigh.

Furlan tilts his head back again. He looks ridiculous with his cheeks all pink, and his coy grin looking more like a creepy frown. "Guess it's obvious, but. I want you. Sorry it took so long."

Levi bites the inside of his cheek, and strokes Furlan's jaw with one hand as he applies a firmer pinching pressure to Furlan's pebbled nipple with the other.

"You have me."

"You know what I mean."

He scoffs. "You should take a wild guess of what I've been thinking about for the past week."

Furlan smiles. "Oh."

His knees turn weak again. He reaches over for the large ledger, picks it up, and closes it. He feels Furlan watching him as he steps away from the chair, and heads toward the shelf lining the other wall. It's full of books, none dusty, but all in various states of neglect and natural decay. The Underground is damp.

Which is part of the reason for this special hiding spot.

Levi kneels down, and slides a stack out of the way. The wooden panel here is loose, and he slides it aside with ease, revealing a dark compartment that smells of expensive concoctions that trap moisture, and mothballs.

Levi hears whispered steps of socks against wood.

It's tucked away by the time Furlan appears behind him, also kneeling. His arms close on his small waist, daring to distract him while Furlan's heated breath washes over his nape. Furlan next folds his shirt collar down and pulls his facecloth free so he can kiss his neck.

"Hold on..." Levi struggles to slide the plank back into place first as heat trickles down, then shoves the cloth in his pocket. Pressed against his back, Furlan's frame is inviting and secure. "All that working, and suddenly you can't get your hands off me?"

"Mm-mm." He kisses Levi's earlobe, and traps it between his teeth.

"Fuck," he gasps faintly. A jolt of arousal goes straight to his dick, and here, he wonders. Wonders if Furlan can smell it.

"You're the one wearing perfume," Furlan points out, sounding surprised.

He glances over his shoulder, and pops his collar. "I am, aren't I. Well stand up."

Back on unsteady feet, Levi pulls Furlan back in from behind, pushing down on his nape until he feels sweltering wet kisses on his neck. Eager, increasingly needy.

"You alright?"

"Yeah." They sway, kisses deepening.

Furlan presses closer, snug against him, and Levi sighs. It's firm and hard against the seat of his pants. The longing he feels then is painful.

With one hand, Levi pins Furlan's mouth to his neck, and takes support from the shelf with the other so he can arch his back. This has his ass pop out and push back against all that hardness.

That'll be inside me soon.

"Fuck, Levi." He grabs his waist and grinds hungrily. "You are needy."

He huffs. "No 'm not..."

“Then what're you trying to do to me?”

"Get you to quit fucking procrastinating," he replies hotly, squeezing his nape.

Furlan snorts in amusement. One hand pinned across Levi's waist, the other goes lower closes on the front of Levi's tight trousers.

He stiffens, and sighs tenderly. "More."

Furlan sucks Levi's tender skin between his teeth, and raises his head. "Oh, so you've had enough messing around now?"

"You tell me." Levi presses down on Furlan's hand, grinding his dick on his palm, and swallows thickly.

"Mm..." He squeezes and strokes, at the same time catching Levi's nipple through his shirt, and a moan escapes him. It throbs, hotter. "Oh, I don't know..."

"Fucking asshole... More."

He finds himself being spun around, their lips crashing together, pressed up tight enough to feel Furlan through his tight pants. For a second as his tongue takes Levi's mouth, he thinks Furlan's going to do it right there, against the bookshelves.

He groans in protest, detaching their lips, and skipping down to Furlan's neck, determined to leave marks of his own—that don't go away for days. That pulls a louder sound out of him.

"Okay, okay," Furlan relents. His fingers bury in Levi's hair. "I'm done teasing, I swear... Let me take you to the bedroom..."

With a short hum, confidence building, he presses their foreheads together with a fleeting kiss to Furlan's lips. "Good choice."

In comparison to the fooling around they've done so far, they practically make it to the bedroom a flash... where Furlan surprisingly parts from him, intent on the bottom drawer beside the old bed.

Levi points as he opens his shirt. "What you're looking for's over there."

The lube Levi retrieved days earlier (and left out to spite Furlan) sits out in the open on the small bedside table, like it's been waiting too, but that's not what Furlan's looking for, apparently. A towel appears in his arms instead. He rises, and knocks the drawer shut with his heel.

Furlan smiles sheepishly. "I thought you'd appreciate this."

His shirt parted like curtains, Levi stands in place as Furlan unrolls the fluffy towel, and lays it on the bed long-ways. It's even grey, for stains.

Heart tender, Levi approaches from behind with his brow knit, and embraces him with his chin raised, so he can set it on his shoulder. It's not even the towel's obvious purpose he's so affected by, he thinks—he would've been fine going without—but that Furlan considered something that's otherwise insignificant.

"Thanks," Levi says slowly, trying to phrase it properly. "You put a lot of thought into this."

"More than you think." When Furlan turns his head, he's smiling full of nervous affection.

Levi guides his jaw towards him, where their buttery lips meet, and smack.

First, Furlan sits, pulling Levi down with him, and into his lap. He feels dizzy with fondness for this man as he parts his lips for him, and heavy smacking sounds ensue as they trade tongue. It's satisfying to clutch at Furlan's shoulders with the knowledge he already has Furlan all to himself.

As their tongues mesh, Levi spots Furlan's heavy-lidded gaze as he touches his back, and down lower, caresses Levi's round bottom, encouraging his hips.

His eyes close by instinct when he feels the hot friction, satisfying and teasing both at once. His wide thighs squeeze Furlan's hips as messy lips mash and hips roll, until Levi simply can't take it anymore with most of their clothes still on.

He leans back with purpose until Furlan follows through, and gravity does the rest of the work. Furlan however gets his arms around him before he can fall, and lays him down gently.

"More," Levi whispers urgently. "More."

"Okay, okay," he breathes shakily. He slots himself in-between Levi's spread legs, hands wandering and arms wrapping, lips parting for the silky heat of their mouths. Furlan pulls Levi's shirt shamelessly from its neat tuck.

No matter how many times they've fooled around, this position always gets his heart racing. Instincts make him hyperaware of how to escape when someone's on top of him—but this obviously isn't the time. He feels a small twinge of guilt, and to stamp it down, he pulls even more of Furlan on top of him, and gives him more space.

A slow hum vibrates down Levi's throat. As Furlan shifts, he feels firm heat pressing down between his thighs, and a moan escapes him, low and throaty.

Their hips grind with abandon. Enough waiting. Enough fucking around, Levi thinks.

Then he remembers what this is they're about to do, and shivers. Part thrill, part anxiety.

Their lips smack noisily before Furlan pulls away, and helps Levi slide his arms free of his sleeves. "Are you comfortable like that?"

"Like what?" he grunts. His silver belt buckle clinks open, followed by his pants. Everything off.

"On your back?"

He turns annoyed. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Furlan lays his shirt aside, and shakes his head. "I'm not criticizing you. I'm just reminding you, you have the option, and I just think... you should be comfortable, and you're not really... I think I can tell when something's bothering you."

He's nervous. Levi thinks this over as Furlan works Levi's pants and briefs off his ankles. "Stop worrying... I don't get it. You don't make me 'uncomfortable'."

"I know that." Furlan opens his own pants. "But if something does, and you just... take it... Levi, that can't happen. You've talked that way before, is what I'm saying."

All of their clothes are gone, but no one acts.

"Because I'm right," he says quietly. "I get that I'm participating. But I'm the one 'taking it'."

"What? No," he says instantly. "What're you—? That doesn't mean anything."

A realization seems to dawn on Furlan, as everything stops to pause. "You're wearing perfume," he says slowly.

Levi tenses. Shame betrays him by burning his cheeks. "So fucking what, Furlan? Are you just going to state the obvious over and over... or ask a question, and then correct me some more?"

"That depends on whether you need to be corrected," he replies.

Levi crosses his arms, and looks aside, getting less turned on by the minute and more confused. That doesn't help. He hates being corrected in general, but now, specifically, it's like everything he has ever learned is taboo rather than the way sex just... works. It makes him feel like an idiot, and even more sick for her, but, at the same time... relieved. Like pain being optional, or pausing being encouraged.

Except, how wrong can he be?

Furlan murmurs, "Baby," and touches his waist. Levi crumbles inside. "I wanted to be prepared for this—but even if I was totally clueless, other stuff is obvious to me. It's an equal thing." Furlan squeezes. "This isn't happening to you. You know what I mean?"

"...I can't decide if it's creepy or a good thing you did research," he mutters.

Furlan guides Levi's attention towards him by his jaw. "Could you promise me?"

Immediately, Levi is listening closely. He doesn't take words lightly—especially promises—and with that intensity behind Furlan's blue eyes...

Levi says, like a secret that bursts from him, "Brothel."

The silence is tense. Levi for some reason just can't look at him or meet his eyes, but he can't stand the quiet either, so he keeps going. "I lived in one of those disgusting shitholes. So I should be the one that's prepared. Yet every damn time you tell me I'm wrong about something... But Furlan, I've seen it a million times, and I saw it the same way, every time, and so, I don't get... what..."

Levi trails off aimlessly. Both of them are motionless, hardly touching. He hates being pitied, if that's what Furlan's thinking, or if he plans to probe more for answers, then...

"I like you," Furlan says, now confident, like it's a fact. The Underground is dirty, cuts bleed.

Snapped out of his mind, Levi stares, and again feels himself relax underneath Furlan. Slowly.

"That's not the case in brothels, is it? I like you, a-and so I care, Levi. That's completely different.

"And so I need you to promise me, that if something is wrong, or hurts, or hell—you just have a complaint, you bring it up instead of accepting that that's the way things are.

"I really... really... don't want to mess this up."

Furlan is no longer on top, but kneeling between his legs, suddenly looking out of place. His plea—a plea is what it is—touches his heart in a way Levi isn't accustomed to.

"You're not messing up," he states firmly. Why do the words hurt so much, when they endear him to Furlan that much more?

Frowning, Levi leans up, and holds Furlan's jaw in place while he kisses him with all the tenderness he can't convey with words. Nothing is even happening, really, and yet this kiss feels intimate in place of sex.

He'd never thought of it that way, though—it's true. It makes sense now for Levi's knowledge and his experiences with Furlan to be so vastly different. He really feels completely out of his element now... except if it weren't for his constant that is Furlan there to calm his nerves.

"I get it," he speaks against his lips. "Fine." They press firmly. "I'll say something. You have my word."

Furlan searches his eyes for a moment, and then sinks into his arms. "Not that I don't trust you. But you know."

Levi's head tilts. "You have about a thousand more ways to say I'm wrong?"

A smirk. "Give me some time, and yeah, maybe I will."

Furlan kisses him again as their bodies gravitate toward each other. Neither of them are as hard as before, so they take their time. Furlan places a barrage of tiny kisses from his palms, to his forearms and thick biceps to the peaks and dips in his collarbones.

He speaks against Levi's neck, "Did you know... I think you're beautiful?"

Levi's eyes widen. That catches him off-guard. "Sh...Shut up."

"I mean it." There's a look in his eyes that intimidates him. "You're beautiful. And I like looking at you." Kisses drag and turn wet around his pecs, causing Levi's breath to shudder, and his eyes to instinctively close as Furlan's buttery lips close on his nipple, his hand around his cock. "I like kissing you. And touching you."

Levi wants to make some teasing jab about poetry, but it's lost on him because of Furlan. He pumps loosely and plays with his slit until Levi's soft and pliant, and tilting his hips up for more. The sucking sensations, and dull pressure from Furlan's teeth make him throb, with an embarrassing stream oozing from his tip.

It's all exposing, more than every other time, what with the knowing. That's why Levi's hands roam Furlan's body so hungrily. Scraping his nails down his back, full of scars, and the lithe muscles packed into his sides, and feeling up the subtle curve of Furlan's waist—nothing like Levi's—as his palm closes on his ass. More marks rise to the surface of Levi's pale skin.

"More. I'm ready," he breathes, his fingers threading in Furlan's blond locks. It feels against some invisible rules, somehow, to ask for something considering his position, but he ignores it. It's easy to forget his reservations when Furlan's making him feel this good.

Levi knocks his waist with the side of his foot until he chuckles, and scoots back.

"Happy?"

"Not yet," Levi snarkily replies. His eyes are drawn to Furlan's cock, blushing at the tip and more than half-hard laying on his thigh. He realizes he's never considered the idea of it being inside him before, or even being inside Furlan. Another time.

He spreads them, and to even further show his need without saying a word, and pries his cheeks apart, and lifts his hips. "F-Furlan. I want you."

Furlan visibly shudders and bows his head, a soft groan of approval moving over his thigh to dizzy Levi's mind. Hands shift and fall on Levi's, spreading and working the plump soft flesh until his dick strains, and drools.

For now... Levi decides he'll let Furlan do as he likes, when he likes. Scattering kisses while he strokes Levi's big thighs with shameless passion, licking and kissing closer to where he needs him most of all.

He pets his hair. "Hey. Don't think about using your mouth if you want me to la—"

Soaked heat from Furlan's tongue climbs the underside of his cock, licking up what's leaked from his tip. Seductive blue eyes challenge him.

"Shit," he gasps, and snags the sheets beside him. Too fucking wet, too silky hot.

He orders his body to relax as he watches Furlan's tongue lap at his slit, the contented look on his face, even with his eyes closed. His lips close, and suckle his pink tip.

"Ah, Furlan..." Levi gasps. He squirms. "Idiot, I'm being serious."

It's not the first time Furlan's gone down on him—but Levi thinks that he might be sensitive by nature or something. Which is annoying when Furlan seems so determined to pay him attention before the main event starts.

Rather, this is Furlan liking him. But that doesn't negate the fact that Levi won't last if he keeps on.

Furlan makes a murmuring noise. Just thick and loud enough to make Levi miss him when he pulls off—after explicitly telling him to do just that.

"Don't pretend you don't like it." Furlan gestures with his head. "Could you..."

"I do. That's the problem." That weightless wanting feeling returns to Levi's stomach as he takes the lube off the stand, and hands it to him. Furlan pulls the stopper, and tips it into his hand.

It looks like a waste to Levi, how much he's using, but he keeps quiet and obediently holds his hand out when it looks like Furlan's ready to hand it off.

Only Furlan seems to think better of it, and touches Levi's knee. "Can you spread them more?"

"You want my feet behind my head or something?" he retorts as he obeys. He spreads his thighs and lets his head sink into the pillow, completely exposed.

Furlan snorts with a sense of amazement. "Can you? And you'd do that for me? Maybe I should keep that in mind."

"Don't get a big-ass ego just 'cause—"

And Levi sucks in a swift breath as Furlan tips the phial. The thick, syrupy liquid dribbles down his taint, and over his hole. Suddenly it's there, and it's not like it's warm, causing a whine Levi can't catch in time, and his toes to curl. "Fuck... Fuck you."

"It's easier if you're wet."

"Shut up," he snaps, without thinking.

He feels bad for it the moment he does. This is serious, he remembers, or it means a lot to Furlan for Levi to be less of an asshole than usual. He eyes him, Furlan, who seems conflicted as he holds the closed phial out for Levi to take back.

"Nevermind," Levi mutters, and places it aside. "Stop it with that look. I promised, right? I'm not gonna let you mess up, or whatever you're afraid of."

"Never said I was afraid..." he drawls.

Levi can tell he's bullshitting, but he forgets to point it out as fingers from Furlan's clean hand stroke his taint, spreading the lube. "It's more like I'm not gonna let you stop me from making this good for you."

As if on cue, Levi's cock gently throbs as Furlan's strokes turn firm, and slide up to close his palm on his heavy balls, lathering them.

"Fuck you're an idiot—if you think, think that—"

Furlan squeezes, and oils his cock up next. Other fingers brush his hole. He feels himself tighten up on instinct, the contact pulling a shiver from him.

"—that this is bad for me," Levi finishes weakly, overwhelmed by pleasant tingles down his spine and the growing heat kindling brighter below. It doesn't even seem like Furlan is listening—instead he's studying all of Levi's reactions. Seeing what he likes. What elicits less.

"I'm gonna start now. With one." He kisses Levi's knee, and shuffles forward.

"Fuck. Fine."

Despite his thorough warning, Furlan's middle finger pushing past his rim makes him tense, clenching down on the unfamiliar feeling. It doesn't hurt, but it's weird.

"You're okay?"

"Ngh."

He pushes to the first knuckle, and out. It's a tiny thrust, barely anything. Levi moans under his breath.

"More?" Furlan for some reason sounds breathless.

"Y...Yeah. I'm not fragile. You're fine."

The second... then third knuckle. Levi hides the upper half of his face behind his elbow as he figures out whether he likes it or not. His body is constantly betraying him by fluttering around it, but he can't say it's unpleasant.

Furlan strokes Levi's wide thigh, and keeps his eyes on the faces he's making—all he can see, anyway. "How's it feel?"

Levi lowers his elbow. "...Like you have your finger in my ass. It's fine."

Furlan's hand wraps around his cock. "What about now?"

He gasps, and feels his walls clench down much tighter in response, again betraying him. He nods, too distracted to properly answer.

"I really like it... how sensitive you are. I'm adding another now, okay?"

Levi gets stuck on that first sentence and almost misses the question. "Mhm..."

He's hot and light all over as a second finger slides in beside the other, stretching him for the first time. He hides his face again, this time dragging a pillow over.

It's beginning to actually... feel like something. Furlan's fingers aren't thin, but long regardless, and so fill him so nicely, deep inside, combined with his hand around his cock. Levi bites down hard on his lip so an embarrassing noise doesn't escape.

Furlan keeps talking, slowly. "It doesn't seem like you would be so sensitive, right?—You're so rigid all the time..."

"'m not," he pants. "Rigid..."

"Heh. But you start shaking as soon as I touch you. Like this:"—his thumb dips into Levi's wet slit, and uncontrollably, he pinches his brows and shakes—"It's so fucking hot. And they feel big, right? They have to be, when you're this tight."

He has them pushed in to the second knuckle. They circle Levi's twitching rim when he pulls back, before burying right back in again, faster now.

His breath hitches embarrassingly loud. Every word makes Levi feel special, embarrassed, and at the same time dazed.

"Is it good?"

Levi nods, biting down on his tongue behind the pillow. All Furlan can see is his closed eyes.

And he doesn’t tear it off. Doesn’t even point out what Levi’s doing. That feels even better than what Furlan’s doing to him right now.

God, he's so hard. With how careful Furlan is taking this, he doesn't see how it could hurt for a second. Maybe that's why, going into it, Levi figured it'd be quick.

He feels a touch of guilt for that. Pain or not, he hates to waste Furlan's time, which Furlan can't argue with... After all, he's getting nothing out of this so far.

Furlan's fingers curl, yanking Levi out of his thoughts with a heated groan. His fist hasn't slowed, even as it throbs, making Levi's hips tilt.

For the first time in a while, he opens his eyes, embarrassed by the cum that's streamed down Furlan's knuckles.

"Faster," Levi requests, and adjusts so he can sink onto Furlan's fingers, not the other way around. "You're taking too long. I'm ready."

"Wait."

He tries to make a warning noise, but it only sounds whiny.

Furlan's fingers and the stretch disappears, and the emptiness that remains is horrible. Levi's eyes fly open, prepared to object, when the lube appears in Furlan's shaking hand. He reached for it himself.

Between his thighs, Levi catches Furlan's swollen neglected cock, bright fuchsia, dripping onto the towel.

"I said hurry up," Levi huffs, raising his hips. He's so hard his dick feels like it's about to fall off. Back to the pillow, craving something to hold onto.

Too close, he thinks. In three short pumps, that'd probably be it for him, and then where would they be? Wasting more time, that's where. Even though he's never had a problem with coming more than once with Furlan.

"I am. Three, now. Are you so impatient 'cause you're close?"

Three, this time, bury inside him. Slick just enough for perfect friction, to stretch, but not to slide too easily.

A groan bubbles up in his chest. He lowers the pillow, still hugging it. "Th-That's not... not the problem..."

Furlan's eyes sparkle with curiosity. "So what is the problem?"

"I'm ready," he replies petulantly, and grinds down on them himself. "This is a giant waste of your time by now..."

"Levi..." But he indulges him, and increases the pace.

It stings a little.

But so what? he catches himself thinking.

Before he remembers.

"It just stings... some."

The fingers slow inside him. "I'm warning you," Furlan says in a quiet tone. "Not to rush me."

Levi's brows knit, and his eyes open. "Or what?"

"If you just looked, you'd know I'm turned on right now. Maybe you're wasting time by complaining.

"If you keep rushing me..." His fingers curl, and maintain shallow thrusts as he speeds up, encouraging Levi's hastening gasps. Furlan's fist reappears, tighter now, and faster. "I'm gonna make you come. I know you can take one more. Maybe even two."

He barely even hears the word come. His quick breaths leave him in huffs as the reality of his nearing climax begins to catch up with his shitty attitude. Thrusting to meet Furlan's hand becomes something beyond his control.

Furlan leans forward even more, to keep Levi's thighs from twitching closed. It's like Furlan to be so daring, but not in bed. It fuels Levi's helplessness in a way, and gives him what he needs, he thinks. Someone to put him in his place. Furlan's taking his say out of it, which is somehow—fuck, it's good.

Levi gasps rapidly, and pins the pillow to his chest, "Shut up shut up shut—up."

"Does it still sting?"

"No," he moans, too high-pitched. His head tosses back and forth as his thighs tense and tremble. "You have to stop. I'm gonna come."

Then the loudest gasp of all finds him. Some spot Furlan brushes against drags a cry out of him as fiery heat from below brings—hurls Levi at the edge.

And it's not some fluke. It's brushed again, forcing Levi tighter and stealing the control over his voice.

"Fuck, fuck Furlan. Don't—stop that."

"Don't stop?"

"Fuck fuck fuck," he whispers.

Jaw slack, Levi pants at the ceiling and reels. He doesn't know what that is, but it's too good to be worth stopping and thinking about.

"Oh," Furlan moans. His thrusts turn pointed. "Right here?"

"Don't. P-Please. Don't." His fingers wrench at the sheets.

"Shit," Furlan whispers.

Sometimes, Levi still doesn't know his own strength when it comes to the pleasure Furlan gives him. Distantly, he knows he's thrashing.

Furlan's hand vanishes from his cock and pins down his abdomen, which means nothing as his fingers apply brutal pressure, tight and quick without the least bit hesitation, and Levi is fucking coming before he can even say I'm.

His climax drops on top of him like a ton of bricks, and makes light flash behind his eyes. It's too hot, way too fucking good. He finds himself arching, pushing again Furlan's arm, and his head thrown back, a full, loud moan bursting from his chest.

"Ah, Levi..."

Void of thought, he shakes and grinds to meet Furlan's fingers. All he needs is Furlan rubbing that spot to come hard. It should be unnatural to feel this good. His hips jerk and his cock pulses with each load, all over his stomach. Streaking as far as the dip in his sternum.

He whimpers pitifully as his back lowers back down, but Furlan isn't slowing. He is panting.

Levi's thighs start to quake, and a complaint dies on his tongue. He's oversensitive to the lightest stroke; tingles shoot up from his lower half that are almost pain, but no pain Levi has ever felt was addicting.

"God—dammit," he whines tightly. The way Furlan has him pinned, he can barely writhe. He feels mindless.

"You came so hard—I wasn't even touching you," he breathes, sounding almost amazed. "Still don't want me to stop?"

His firm, pointed rubbing, combined with the way Furlan gently strokes his waist, drives Levi out of his mind until he's keening from the overstimulation. It's too hard to tell. It's tender. Painful-good. Even loving. A short stream of cum oozes down Levi's shaft as it twitches back to life. It never went soft.

"Talk to me, Lev'."

"S..." He throws his head back. "...Too... Fucking can't."

Furlan finally eases up a little, making his strokes light instead. Levi suffers a full-body shiver.

"Slow down," he requests, this time in a way that makes sense. "Other than that it's good."

Furlan's fingers retreat from that spot entirely, and spread instead, stretching him again. Levi feels himself relax as chaste kisses melt against his quaking thigh.

"Good... It doesn't hurt, right?"

"No," he rasps, and loosens up on that damn pillow. It's damp now, and flat, and so he nudges it aside. He ends up touching Furlan's wrist, and gnarls his other hand in the sheets.

"Mhm?"

He cracks his eyes open. When he sees that naked affection on Furlan's face, he wishes he had the pillow back.

But too late.

"Fuck... mmh... no. It's. Good..."

Furlan whispers in a way that implies he doesn't want Levi to hear when he calls him beautiful. Levi's eyes screw shut.

Furlan's fingers piston slowly, as deep as possible. "But do you think you're done? I'll stop, if you don't wanna go again."

Levi shakes his head lazily, his hand wandering down and wrapping around his softened cock. The slippery squelching sounds. He shudders out a sigh. "Nah..."

"Yeah?" A kiss to the center of Levi's chest.

"I'm good."

"Okay. Good."

Furlan drags his lips down his navel, straying to certain scars old and aged the color of milk, tonguing at a raised line, then nuzzling the dark, curly hairs. His tongue spreads flat, and licks. Lapping up the thick, sticky white while Levi watches on, always stunned when Furlan pulls stunts like this.

He doesn't even do it for Levi's peace of mind, he thinks. Licking, sucking, tasting him is just something Furlan likes doing.

Which is embarrassing as it is nice, because Levi is the same way. It's difficult to get enough of Furlan. And scary, is what that is—he has too much experience with loss to feel anything less—but he doesn't have to think about it while Furlan is here, a solid weight between his legs, and doing these things to him.

Furlan... definitely—Levi sighs tightly as his tongue touches his sensitive tip—has a thing for his thighs, too. He stops fondling himself to cradle Furlan's flaming cheek.

And notices the hunched way Furlan's kneeling as—with his navel and dick now slick and shiny from where Furlan's mouth has been—he goes lower. Levi's neck hurts just to watch him.

"Wait," he mumbles.

Furlan stops quickly, so Levi can adjust quickly—pushing that pillow behind his head so he's not stuck staring at the ceiling with his back flat on the mattress when he raises his knees, so the tops touch his pecs.

Levi explains, "I didn't lie when I said I was flexible. This angle's better for you, right?"

Furlan seems stunned as his eyes rake him, down to everything exposed before his eyes. Levi's slick cock hard and laying on his pelvis, down his curves and parted cheeks, and his pink hole, puffy and shiny from the oil.

Furlan wants to blurt out that he likes Levi a lot, or something. He nods rapidly instead, then leans down and closes his mouth on Levi's heavy balls, sucking eagerly.

"Fuck fuck." His hand sinks into thick blond locks. "Oh. That's it..."

His taint seems like such an unassuming spot... so maybe it's just Levi that curls his toes and gasps when it's licked. He can feel him on both sides.

"You..."

Levi is stuck between you don't have to and what're you doing? when Furlan's heavy tongue laps into his rim, replacing his fingers, and pushes inside with ease.

A needy whimper—or cry, Levi can't hear himself over this stretch—is torn from his throat as Furlan groans, and buries his tongue in deep. The thrusting motions make him grab for Furlan's hair, his legs wiggling in useless attempts to close.

Furlan grips Levi's ass, working his palms in and spreading him open as he shamelessly explores.

A real cry has Levi slapping his hand over his mouth when the sucking motions begin, and he hears the slurping. So wet it'd be disgusting if it didn't bring his cock back to throbbing so fast.

A moan bursts from Furlan's chest as Levi both pushes on his head and grinds his ass down, so his nose is snug with his taint and Levi gets the full girth of his tongue. Those whines and high-pitched nosies don't even sound like Levi, and Furlan being the one to drag them out makes him burn.

"I'm ready, I'm ready Furlan, Furlan, ready—" he babbles. "Fucking c'mon you can't make me come again, can't, n' just, fuck your tongue—"

Furlan's head spins. Levi's hole is getting tight on him, and he's just getting louder. It'd be so fucking easy to make him come again.

"Please."

He barely pulls off in time to let Levi down from the very edge.

Levi's legs are shaking. He has the base of his blushing cock in a tight fist, and, a mess dribbling down his knuckles again. He barely managed to hold it together, and it shows.

"Sorry... I kinda got carried away," Furlan huffs, stroking his thighs. His hole is even puffier than before, still clenching.

"That's one word for it." He flicks Furlan's ear affectionately. "I'm ready, I said. Come here."

Furlan's weight feels safe and familiar on top again. One glance down is enough for Levi to see he probably doesn't need more oil, but Furlan reaches for it.

He watches. It's a little hypnotizing. The snick of the stopper. The instant tightening of his expression when Furlan gets his dick in a loose fist, and slowly pumps.

"I could've done that," Levi mumbles. It feels like he's done nothing but lay here while Furlan made him come once, almost twice, with his tongue in his ass, of all things.

Furlan's glazed eyes focus on him. "I know, but no. I mean... to be honest... I think I'd come if you touched me right now."

Levi's eyes bulge. "Then how do you expect to fuck me?"

"I guess I didn't think that far ahead," Furlan chuckles in defeat.

Levi deadpans, and lowers his knees as he pulls and sends Furlan crashing down on top of him. First, he slams their lips together, and calls him an idiot between those kisses.

Second, "Stop worrying so much... I bet you could take one more... right? Maybe even two."

Using Furlan's words against him is a gratifying feeling, especially when he gives in instantly by laughing, forcing their lips apart.

Furlan gazes into his eyes. "'kay... I'll go slow anyway. I'm pretty sure it'll be a lot at first. Even after all that."

"If you say so," he says, with no bite behind it.

Levi bends his knees. His shins touch Furlan's waist, both hands gripping his biceps.

Furlan eyes his grip... and takes one hand down beside Levi's shoulder on the bed. It doesn't move. He's holding his hand.

Levi can only stand to hold eye contact for a moment, and then urges him forward with his heel. "Don't make me tell you again."

Levi's free hand falls to help pin him open, since Furlan only has one free too, to guide himself. They inhale at the same time.

The first push into his rim, the heat and the instant stretch has Levi gasp. It's immediately the most intense thing he's ever felt, done—doesn't matter. "Ah."

Furlan's whiny sigh washes over his face as he eases inside, and rocks back about halfway. Shallow at first.

If Furlan grips his hand any harder, he'll break his fingers. Levi holds tighter.

"It'sgood," Levi gasps, predicting the question. "I'm good. You good?"

"I'm—I'm good." Furlan stoops over him a little more, his arm settling by his head. "You feel... really good." His head lowers to his neck "You're so fucking tight, baby, shit Levi..."

Levi makes an eager noise of agreement as Furlan's lips land on his, barely moving. Kissing just for the sake of it.

Levi groans. The stretch grows absurdly sweet and tight, and then he has it all. Furlan's cock is buried inside him. He's here. Furlan's hips kissing his, and their breaths beating over each other's faces.

"Need... move," Levi mumbles, nosing his cheek. "If you're ready I need you to..."

Their sweaty bodies are pressed from their chests to Levi's ankles crossed behind Furlan's lower back. Furlan's navel pins Levi's cock, creating delicious friction at the slightest movement.

And the movements are slight. Levi needs more, but he hears Furlan constantly, moaning down his throat, swift gasps when he pulls out to leave Levi almost empty, and slams back in so his balls clap against flesh. Their hands squeeze as he stays there, grinding as deep as he can go.

The moan shakes its way out of Levi as Furlan's hips roll, grind in circles, and he can tell, can just tell Furlan is struggling to hold it together. Whining, with his blue heavy eyes struggling to stay cracked open.

It's so full, heavy and warm everywhere—that he can't imagine how overwhelming it is for Furlan to maintain this controlled a pace.

"Faster," Levi demands. He tosses his arm over his shoulders and digs his heels in.

Furlan moans, louder with the next shallow, devastating flurry of thrusts. "I can't I can't—Levi, I won't last."

"Don't care. I—f-fuck—don't care," he speaks hotly into his ear, and tilts his hips. Shivers shake his bones. He rakes his blunt nails down Furlan's back, embracing the feeling of his shifting muscles and mangled scars. "You can come. Come inside me. You've been so fucking careful, you worked yourself up too much, so you better fuck me now like you mean it."

Furlan clings to him and opens his eyes. There's an intensity in them Levi's never seen before, and then all sense of pace dissolves. He cages Levi in, humping in jerky, desperate strokes. Muffled in his neck, Levi can't tell if Furlan is babbling or cursing.

Even though he's losing control, it feels so fucking good. The friction sends sweet volts of pleasure down his cock while Furlan uses him.

Levi raises one of his knees back, giving Furlan more room. He knows the techniques, what to do, which might as well go to use a little.

"Deeper," Levi grunts. "I can handle it."

"Fuckokay." There's a brief reprieve to his pace as Furlan leans up and slides his palm into the bend of Levi's knee, leaving his foot to dangle helplessly in the air.

Groans burst from them both as Furlan's cock suddenly rams in much deeper. It even feels even bigger than before. Levi struggles to close his gaping mouth as their joined hands lands beside Levi's head.

"Mm, shit..." Furlan's slams in. "I'm coming."

Levi feels it in his core and his curled toes, through his dizzy mind as Furlan tenses on top of him, and his hips jerk to a pause.

His eyes roll back. "Levi."

"Ah."

Hammering thrusts resume messier than ever. He ends up pinning Levi to the whining mattress, his leg bent bak as his cock gushes inside.

Levi moans sweetly from the feeling, and simply clings onto any piece of Furlan he can get as his moans fill his ear, and he rides out the rest.

He holds on desperately, decides he likes the feeling of Furlan coming inside him.

But he didn't come. So why is his heart trembling as Furlan's passionate lips land on his, and his hips slow to rocking?

Sex. Levi still doesn't understand this, or his own feelings. He's witnessed the aftermath a hundred times, so he doesn't understand why it feels so comfortable, and warm, and impossible to resist holding onto Furlan tight. Who knew it could be like this?

It must be because Levi likes him.

When Furlan stills to an exhausted stop, his full weight falls down on top of him.

That urgent sense of getting away as fast as he can is quiet at least. Levi kisses his temple, then the top of his head as Furlan lets his leg down, and they lay, still connected.

It's still hard. Levi wants to squirm, the way his dick is trapped, but he holds off. Their hands relax. His fingers ache dully, but he decides it's a good ache.

Furlan raises his head. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to get that rough."

"Ye—Yeah." He's surprised at the tightness in his throat. He swallows to break it down, and tries to rationalize it.

It was good. Furlan is perfect at pausing and all the talking. So intense aside, he doesn't understand why he's emotional.

Furlan leans, and furrows his brows. The satisfaction on his face before is gone. "Hey... Are you crying?"

"It didn't hurt. It was good," he struggles to answer, and covers his face. A silent cry gets through. "I'm not. Fronting. It was good. Stop staring. Sto-Stop."

Furlan kisses his forehead in a ghostly press, and works himself out of him carefully. The emptiness that replaces him is still unsatisfying.

Would he still be emotional if it wasn't? There's nothing here worth feeling sad about, and he knows he's worrying the hell out of Furlan for this, but he can't explain it. The embarrassing need to weep recedes slowly.

"It's okay." He nudges Levi's attention back towards him, where he pecks his lips in a soft, simply kiss, under his clenched fist draped across his eyes.

"Nothing's wrong, Furlan," he whispers.

"I think... it could normal to be emotional if it was good, maybe," he suggests.

Confused, Levi viciously wipes, then opens his eyes. They shine as they search Furlan's. "What?"

"How else do you explain it?" he asks. He looks open to suggestions. "And I don't think I feel... that differently from you, so. There's that."

Levi stares a moment longer, processing that crying can be a good thing, and relaxes. Same as Furlan.

They settle like that, in peace. Levi sighs, his nostrils flaring, and squirms the slightest bit. He's messy, and sticky. His ass feels weird. Either he has to wait for his dick to go down before getting up, or...

Furlan strokes his cheek. "Lay down on your side? I'll do it properly this time if you want."

His eyes crack open. "So you do have another in you."

The side of Furlan's mouth quirks as his cheeks flush a deeper shade of pink.

Levi shares the same look for just a moment before rolling on his side, leaving as much space for Furlan on the towel as possible in its wrinkled, soiled state.

When he raises his leg, he winces in disgust as the shift makes more ooze out of him.

"Don't overdo it if you can't handle something," Levi reminds him. "Your dick is probably raw."

A soft kiss is pressed to his nape. "I think I can handle you."

"You think?"

"Gonna do it now."

"Hm." Levi curves his back and forces his limbs to relax. He knows what to do.

Furlan touches his hip. Levi's heart skips a beat as the soft tip pushes past his rim like it's nothing. Furlan takes his time, still determined to be careful even though he's barely hard and it's plenty wet. The slight stretch seeps the tension from Levi's bones.

Furlan sighs wetly. They both feel him throb. Getting hard won't take long, but Levi relishes this quiet, intimate moment, simply being connected. They're spooning, as if this was some ordinary night. Before Furlan, he'd think this would be pointless.

Levi nibbles on his raw lip—already tender from that exact thing—to stay quiet. Furlan's heavy breaths wash over his shoulder.

Levi links their fingers, and hums faintly as things start to shift. He's forced to adjust as Furlan is getting harder. Anticipation and excitement roils around in his chest, feeling it twitch, and begin to swell.

"How does it feel?" Furlan whispers. Levi feels his tongue, then his teeth against his tender neck.

He's gripped by a shiver. Always his neck. "Good. Ah..." He reaches back and buries his fingers in Furlan's hair. "Getting harder..."

Furlan's voice shakes as he utters even quieter, "You take it so well."

The praise washes over Levi like a wave. He lets it with a barely-restrained whine. Take it so well.

Their breathing is heavier. Laying on his thigh, Levi watches as it twitches, straining, even.

"More," Levi whispers, not knowing what he's asking for.

"M... More what?"

"Hah... How's it feel?"

"You? Soft, and warm. And so tight. You feel so fucking good. I could fucking live inside you, Levi," Furlan moans. His hips barely rock as he guides their hands down, around Levi's base, pumping slowly, together. "You get tighter when I talk..."

His voice is raspy, but needy all the same. Levi wants more of that voice.

"Shut up," Levi mewls. His hips twitch, rocking on Furlan's cock and their fists at the same time. He tries to be silent by locking his throat, but Furlan is fucking him now, and he won't stop talking.

"I wonder what it'll feel like..." He sighs shakily. "Making you come. Feeling you come. I could barely fuck you with my fingers earlier."

"Fuck."

"Good?"

"Yeah."

Furlan pace is steady now, light, but deep. It gives Levi delightful chills every time Furlan's balls gently slap, and faintly squelch. It's like this is... not even for anything. No end in mind. It's like...

Levi squeezes his hand tight, swallowing heavily, and melts into Furlan's hold. "It feels good, sweetheart."

"Yeah?" he whimpers. "For me, too... Half the time I can't even hold you still. But I like it when you lose control like that. You deserve... deserve to come that hard."

"M-Mm..."

Levi forgets what he said about wanting him to shut up. He almost wants to believe him. His voice is addicting. Low, hitched but smooth, like the barely-concealed eagerness in their fists. Words spill from Furlan like he believes what he's saying with just enough uncertainty of how Levi will react. Maybe Levi likes proving him wrong. Maybe the praise is doing it for him.

Levi bites his lip hard as their sweaty temples press together. It still embarrasses him to make requests. "Harder..."

"Bend your knee more, and... Yeah. Good. Good, baby."

"Fuck me," Levi moans. His head falls back against Furlan's shoulder. "Fuck me. Plea—Fuck me."

"I am. I'm taking care of you."

Furlan hammers in more firmly, but without his thrusts getting shallow. When he pushes back in, Levi gets to feel all of it. Filling him over and over. As the speed grows, Levi's gasps do too. Their laziness from earlier has worn away to—

Levi jerks. His hand freezes on his cock, a moan pouring out of him. "There. Shit, yeah, there—"

His hold on Furlan's hand tightens as his head falls back, quivering.

Too much. Need more.

"Fucking—right there?" Furlan grunts. His fist briefly disappears and picks up Levi's thigh, steadying him. "Right there, baby?"

He shudders, groaning tight and strained. "Yeah. Keep going."

Furlan grunts. Harder. Levi's fist pumps faster. He's pinning him open like he did earlier, and every last inch he feels slamming into that spot quickly makes him lose his mind.

"Getting so tight... That's it. You're perfect."

Levi hears himself make a noise he's never heard out of himself. He didn't think his voice could get so whiny. His fingers are nothing compared to this.

His cheeks feel hot as his mind, the noises hitting his ear, and, and the constant wet slapping get away from him, leaving this pleasure in his blood, building, building. "Furlan... Furlan, 'm getting close."

Furlan breathes heavy and shudders with him. "Lev'. Please. Please."

Then Furlan's fist reappears, quickly catching up with Levi's quick pace. He hears himself make another noise he didn't think possible and grinds his teeth, trying to stay still while the trembling grows, his gasps, the explosive heat. His peak is right there.

Furlan moans so sweetly, dripping with need. "Are you coming, baby?"

Levi comes. Every muscle goes rigid, and then he's dissolving into shakes as the loudest and most shameless noise he's ever made falls out of his gaping mouth. Even the squealing mattress isn't as loud.

He hears Furlan's gasp in his ear, "Fucking good boy."

"Fuck!" he wails, his hips jumping into their fists as he spills all over himself.

This is the most intense thing he's ever felt.

It feels like that first wave, the one that shatters lasts forever with Furlan's unrelenting fucking. Levi's eyes roll back, unable to smother himself or stop his jerky thrashing. Furlan has to pin him back again.

He's clenching so tight he's fucking whimpering by the time he can even remotely make out what filth Furlan's speaking in his ear. He shouts when his hips freeze, and Furlan comes right after, moaning Levi's name. The sound echoes around his mind.

Levi shakes. His toes curl as wet heat explodes inside him for the second time. He can't tell if he's still coming, or if he's overstimulated and going crazy from it.

It throbs weakly the last time, a few more pathetic drops oozing from Levi's tip before it's over, and they both drop back down.

That wonderfully drained feeling settles in Levi's blood. He straightens his leg, stunned he has so little strength to lift it. It's nice. The only thing stopping him from dozing off is the swamp that is the sheets, and the sticky mess they've made of each other... and his instincts telling him that relaxed is a dangerous feeling.

They catch their breath back slowly. It takes Levi longer. That feeling, the one that makes him feel he's made of glass, reappears in his throat. He swallows to dissolve it.

He pushes his bangs, pasted to his forehead, off his wet eyes, and feels Furlan's lips in his hair. The next moment, his soft dick slips out of him. The emptiness now leaves him with a deep, burning satisfaction instead of any longing.

"You okay?"

Levi sniffles. "Sticky." He wrinkles his nose, and eyes the towel, which has been crinkled and shoved, laying precariously over the edge of the bed. So much for that.

"Wait." Furlan reaches over, and takes his cheek. It sounds brittle. "You sure?"

Levi avoids it, even more disgusted with his own naked vulnerability. He's getting emotional again. "Yes. I promised, remember? Like you said... it was good."

"...'kay." He relaxes.

Levi squirms, then. "My ass feels weird."

"...Bad weird or good weird?"

"How am I supposed to know...? Feels like someone fucked me just now... So I'm pretty sure that's nothing to worry about."

Furlan's smile kisses his shoulder, but he doesn't truly relax again.

"You good?" Levi murmurs.

"Yeah. I mean. Yes."

Levi feels another conundrum coming on. It feels like he could melt back into Furlan. Their first time, they laid together for ages, but that was the first time. If they do it quick, they usually separate to clean up within a minute.

And back then, clients were gone in under that. Never spoke.

Furlan lays his arm over him, his chest, away from most of the mess, and nudges his leg between Levi's. They're cuddling. This is the way they sleep sometimes. If a little tighter than that.

"Seriously though... Um."

"Should I get up?" Levi asks quietly, brows drawn.

His hold slackens. "If you want to... You can."

That answer sounds a little too distant for their proximity, so Levi backs into him even closer, and pulls Furlan's arm back in place. "You're saying that that's not what I'm supposed to do."

"Wanting to—"

"Getting up. Leaving."

"Oh," he says quietly. "No."

Levi silently sighs in relief. "If you say so."

"Tell me something. That was a lot, and I'd just... you know, if it was good for you like it was me."

He wants to ask if Furlan noticed how hard he came just now, but he turns his head instead, frowning, and kisses him. Soft, once. Twice. He searches his tired blue eyes. "Look. Of all things to feel insecure about, that's not one. What do you have to worry about, about me leaving?"

Furlan's eyes dart away at the question. "I don't..." His brows scrunch. "Well, I like you. And you're kind of all I got now. And... shit, I don't really know."

Levi lets another beat of silence pass. Taking the edge of the towel, he wipes his navel and thighs, enough to hold him over for now, and turns over to properly give Furlan his attention. He still feels a little overwhelmed, but it's better when Furlan immediately welcomes him into his arms. If certainty is what Furlan wants, Levi will give the best he can.

"It didn't hurt. It was good. I'd do it again... along with all that shit you said."

Furlan blushes scarlet. He smiles weakly. "Don't make fun of me for saying it, and I won't make fun of the way you reacted."

His eyes roll. "...Right... You got nothing to worry about, unless I have something I need to do different next time."

"No, no." He tightens the embrace. "It was really good. And thanks for that."

Levi relaxes more. It takes him a little longer to nod. He's not in the mood for more discussion or repeating himself, unless it involves a bath, so he lets himself be held.

"...So we can just..."

"Not state the obvious."

"Bath in a bit."

Levi exhales, a little chuckle, and melts into his arms. "Good answer."

| Levifar masterpost | main masterlist |

[theepisceswriter]

Sending nudes/sexting w/ JJK characters (Nanami, Toji, Gojo, Mei Mei)

Synopsis: Do y’all need one fr? I think the title is self explanatory

TW: mature things obviously, GN!reader, typos like always, nothing outside or masturbation and nudes really, 18+, MINORS DNI!

NANAMI

Yeah, yeah you miss Nanami’s cuddles, kisses, hugs, and all that soft shit when you spend the whole day without him because of his work schedule, but you also miss that long schlong that’s attached to him. Work has given him such a hectic schedule that sometimes you go a week without having any sex and it drives you crazy and Nanami might not show it, but it drives him crazy as hell too. He’s just praying for an off day so he can get that sweet release from you that he needs.

Though sexting is not the same as physical sex, any form of sexual attention from him is needed. So, bravely one day you decided to send him a picture of you in nothing but one of his button ups barely covering your body while he’s at work. To be fair, you did wait until a time when you knew he usually wasn’t busy and the office was nearly empty.

When I tell you this photo has him blushing like a school girl and horny immediately; he forgets how to breathe for a good two minutes and it takes the sound of someone’s footsteps to bring him back to reality and remember the setting he was in. 

You see, sexting really isn’t Nanami’s cup of tea. He’s big on intimacy and physical touch and sexting hardly fulfills any of his desires. He’d much rather have you in front of him in person. You see those three little lines pop up thinking he’s going to describe to you in detail what he’s going to do to you once he gets off and how much he’s been feening for you too, but no! Instead, all you get is a text that reads “On my way.”

Nanami isn’t the type to call off of work or leave early, but it’s from that picture that he realizes how wanting you must be for him and he can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, but also realize just how bad he’s been wanting you. The drive home for him is 30 minutes? He’s making it home in like 10, knuckles gripping the wheel and all as he thinks about rushing home to you and your body.

He doesn’t even greet you when he comes in the house. Immediately opting to connect his lips to yours to initiate the long night between you two that’s going to unfold.

“My poor baby. I’ve been so neglectful to you lately, haven’t I? I’m sorry, I’m going to make it up to you so good tonight. Lay back and let me take care of you tonight.” And take care of you is exactly what he does.

TOJI

You could text Toji for hours on end, tell him your house got burned down and you now live in Bikini Bottom with Sponge-bob, and he still wouldn’t budge. He doesn’t even have to be out doing a job, if he doesn’t see it as urgent urgent then he’s getting back to you in like 2-3 business days minimum.

Let you send him a text that’s like “Currently in bed thinking about you with my hand between my thighs because I haven’t seen you all day.” And all of a sudden his fingers are moving fast like lightening as he texts you back. 

Most likely going to respond with something like “I’ll show you mins if you show me yours” Because that man is a menace that should be locked up. You don’t even have to send one for real though because three minutes later your phone is pinging with a dick pic from him; two bottles resting on dick just to show how big it is because he’s a show off. Might even send you a video of him moving it without his hands in return for some soapy titty pics.

Nudes of you make him go absolutely feral and has him in the bed huffing and puffing as he uses his hands to recreate the feeling of you, but you would never know that because he responds with shit like “So sexy looking”

He’s kinda ass at sexting lowkey.

He’s not too big on dirty talk while sexting, pictures and videos say everything that he needs to, but guarantee that he brings it up once the two of you are finally able to meet up in person. “So you said you were going to do what now to me?” “Sre we going to do what we talked about in those messages or whatr?” Of course, he holds you to your word and the two of you indeed do what you said over text. 

GOJO

You already knew what the night was going to be like as soon as you got that “U up?” Text from Gojo. Not only was it almost 1 in the morning, but the two of you hadn’t seen each other physically in almost a month and you could just hear the desperation in his voice from when he had called you earlier talking about how much he missed you; him being in front of others being the only thing stopping him from going into great detail about what exactly he missed.

You didn’t even need to reply to him. The fact that you had read it was enough confirmation for him and minutes later you were getting sent a video with his dick as his thumbnail, just out and erect with his hand at the base of it and some lubricant covering it to make it look shiny and presentable.

“Fuck, y/n. You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about you bouncing up and down on my cock all month long. I need you so bad right now.” The sweet moans of your name leaving his mouth and the bucking of his hips into his hands once you pressed play on the video were enough to get you in the mood as well. Quickly you’re stripping your clothes off and sending him videos of you in all types of angles, but that’s not enough for him.

Next thing you know he’s facetiming you and the two of you are on the phone having a mutual masturbation session. The sight of each of you two getting off to each other getting off was enough to make both of you cum more than once. It takes him going completely soft and finally getting all that pent up sexual tension out of him to finally hang up.

MEI MEI

Someone get this woman an only fans account because the horny content she sends you should not be free. When I say this woman puts work into the videos and pictures she sends to you, I mean it.

I’m talking a ring light set up to make her angles look appeasing, special lingerie just for pictures to take to send to you, and a phone with amazing quality. She goes all out for you like a professional because she wants you to use them more than once, she wants to make some quality spank bank material for you so you wont even think about going on twitter again when you’re horny.

Tell me shouldn’t have a very popular OnlyFans. You can’t cause you’d be lying to yourself.

She’s such a big tease. She’d send you a picture of her titties all oiled up in a bikini that’s barely covering anything but her nipples along with a text message that’s like “They miss you );” .....While you’re at work because she’s just such a tease like that.

Glances inside of her underwear, boomerangs of her shaking her ass for you, and quick glimpses of her nipple; anything but giving you the real thing. Her whole objective with nudes is to make you want her more and show you what you’re missing out on by not being with her in the moment.

It’s not until you’re sending pictures and videos of yourself begging you to help her out that she finally does and it’s still not with pictures or videos in return ! Instead, she’ll text you through your orgasm in vivid description of what she wants to do to you and bring up past sexual experiences like, “Remember that time when we I picked you up from work and we couldn’t wait until we went home so we fucked right there in the backseat of the car?”

Big on helping you visualize things, so honestly you don’t even need her to go all out.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader fanfic idea (Part 2)

So here we are, Incel!Shinsou is back and this time with a bit of growth that he needs to make independently (While thinking about the reader of course. Thank you so much to @blossominglark for sending in such a lovely message! Also here you can find a small explanation as to why i even started the Incel!Shinsou series.)

"I think I want you. I think you're bad. I think you're good, it's like the love I never had. I think I need you. Oh God, it's true. I think I'm falling and there's nothing I can do" - Beetlejuice Chill by Life After Youth

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 3: Incel!Shinsou x F!Reader (1/2)

How difficult could it be? To forget that you ever existed... thats what's haunting Shinsou ever since the conversation you two had a few days ago. He cant seem to focus anymore, everything just reeks of you. (His own bedroom where you two would sit on the floor and work on your project together. You would laugh at something that came on the television, every time resulting in his face heating up and heart beating harder at the sound, the beautiful sound, of your laughter. It doesn't feel the same anymore. He cant sit or sleep there anymore.) Shinsou starts speaking with Aizawa more, to be honest its not like Aizawa gave him that much of a choice. He needed to understand what was happening with his son and you in order to help or bring some constructive input.

Shinsou goes on and on about how he mocked you to his "friends". When questioned on his "friends" he said that they were all telling him that you needed to be taught how to be a "proper woman" the "perfect girl for them".

("Hitoshi what-...why would you...?"

"I don't know! It made sense when i was young and- i... i dont understand how or why and...please just- help me i dont understand!"

"It's ok, it's ok, come here." Aizawa hugs Shinsou tightly. He starts running his hand over Shinsou's hair comforting him.

"What did you show them? What did you tell them about...her, exactly?") A mess of tears and regrets, thats what Shinsou is. A puddle which he somehow drowned you in out of a bitter rage that had nothing to do with you.

Aizawa finally holding a grasp as to how Shinsou's mind worked, he couldn't help but feel defeated. He neglected his son so much he became bitter and resentful towards the wrong people, the wrong person. (Aizawa only ever told Shinsou that his mother moved away from them because it was "too much for her". Young Shinsou couldn't grasp why his mom would leave him, but again he never really asked questions since he saw how upset it made his dad. "Dont worry Hitoshi, ill be here for you no matter what. Got it, problem child?") An intervention needs to be made now. To prevent even more damage, to keep his son safe and his sons ex-friend safe.

"Hitoshi? The posts and things you put online, you need to delete everything now." Urgency was a must, damage control needed to happen now. Who knows if Shinsou wrote about where he lived, where you lived and studied at, if he showed those "friends" of his your face. Who knows how much information he put out there to a bunch of strangers about you. "Ok, ok. Let me delete everything...yeah...thats-yeah...makes sense." He's slipping, Shinsou is slipping into a pit of shock and disgust, he needs to fix things and that only starts by wiping away years of miss informed opinions disguised as truths.

Everything is gone. No more accounts. No more pictures. No more you. He didn't make any announcements or even address why he was wiping everything. He didn't answer the piles of questions flooding his inbox about why he was doing all of this, he just didn't care anymore. He couldn't find you either. No account on any platform with any signs of you. (He should have asked for your socials, but knowing where you two started off at he thinks its better that you two didn't. It saved you from his incessant torment he saw himself being capable of.)

Week one came and went. You didn't show up for classes and people started to take notice.

"Does anyone know why y/n isn't at school anymore? Is she sick?" Midoriya asked one day. Everyone kind of just looked at each other hoping that someone might have an answer. Be it that no one other then Shinsou was in the same class as you, everyone in his friend group knew about you since you where always nice despite the way you presented clothing wise. (The clothing didn't matter nor did the labels, you were still so welcoming to everyone. Hell, you even welcomed Monoma and that guy is considered psycho by everyone.) Shinsou couldn't do anything but listen to his friends (Midoriya, Shoto, Denki, Mina, Iida, and Ururaka) go on about how nice you were. How they miss you. He misses you . He ruined this, he ruined your school experience and pushed you to lose the friends you had because of his own ignorance. He forced you to choice between showing up to school and dealing with him or not coming in at all and losing the friends you had because of him.

The Sports Festival was coming up soon, here all the students would compete against each other to show off their skills. The Festival acts more as an opportunity for the different Courses to fight each other since its focus centers on the physical strength and wellbeing of the students instead of their study of focus. It also helps with publicity by letting UA show off their students to the general public. (Shinsou didn't understand why the school would have a Sports Festival. UA was better known for being STEM and Art focused which meant that many of the students only had to take 1 year of P.E. instead of the 3 years other schools required.

"So again, what's the purpose of this?"

"Its just a chance for the different Courses to bully each other, and for the General Course to get mocked." responded Togeike. Be it that she never spent time with Shinsou, they both had a mutual attitude and just stayed away from each other out of disinterest. It wasn't after Shinsou's personality changed did she feel more comfortable being around him and started speaking to him casually throughout the day.

"So what does the Business Course do during-"

"Hey, didn't you and y/n work on that project together?" This caught Shinsou of guard. For the past week its all been about you and how you hadn't been coming to class. (You haunt him even outside of school, the guilts too much for him at times.)

"Yeah...what about it." he snarls. Just because he's changed in appearance and largely in attitude, that doesn't mean he's over the way he treats people. Cant she get to the point already-

"Geez man, i just wanted to ask if you needed her number." That...was off. Why would she assume that he needed your number?

"Why would you give me her number? Don't you think that as former project partners i would already have her-"

"You're clearly upset about her not being here, so shut up. Either take it or leave it, jackass." she bit back. How did she know? Shinsou has always had a resting bitch face which made it hard to read his emotions. How did she manage to figure it out? (God he was an asshole!)

"Yeah, please....i'm sorry. I could-"

"Please shut the fuck up, i don't want an apology from you. Take it and fix this shit. I hate seeing people mope and you're pretty much dying in a pit here." Togeike really gives no fucks and she was tired of the purple haired boy looking like a kicked puppy. She assumed it had something to do with you. When you started skipping class, Shinsou also started to look upset and wouldn't speak that often. It wasn't like Shinsou was shy, he just didn't see the need to speak all the time. So to see him become even more silent was concerning.)

He left school that day with a skip to his step. He has your number! He has a way of contacting you! Yet, he still knew that having your number wouldn't fix anything. You left him alone and it wouldn't be fair for him to barge back into your life without proving he's improving, that he's actually deserving of you're friendship at least....

The Sports Festival.....

He can prove himself to you there....

Everyone will see it, every student at UA has to be there for credit....you'll have to be there. You'll also have to participate for the start of it, so you'll have to interact with someone.

(This was it)

This was so much fun to write! Lets give this a slow build up to give him proper character development and redemption. The next part will be the Sports Festival and what he plans on doing to get you back. Let's set up that his intention is too for one, make an impression on the school for when he decides to transfer to the Art Course but also to make an impression on you and get you to notice him in a positive light. Our poor incel is trying his best ok....

[kawaiijohn]

Rewind, Rinse, Repeat Chapter 1

For Invisobang Minibang 2021

Ao3 Link

Chapters: 3 finished, 12 total Rating: T+ Warnings: Major and Minor Character Death- all temporary, Implied Child Abuse/Neglect, Strong Language, Mild Body Horror, Mild Injury. Other warnings listed by chapter Characters: Clockwork, Danny Fenton, Pariah Dark, Levi | Leviathan (OC), Mal (OC), Observants, Mentions of other characters Ships: Lost Time, Dark Ages, CW & OC child, CW & Levi | Leviathan (OC) Genre/Tropes: Human AU, Magic AU, Found Family, Character Origin, Hurt/Comfort, Original Magic System and Lore Additional Tags: Existentialism & Existential Angst, Memory Loss & Amnesia, Corruption, Clockwork Centric, They/Them Pronouns for Clockwork, The Fenton's A+ Parenting, Obersvant Bashing

Summary

“Clockwork can I ask you something? How did you become a ghost?”

The tale surrounding the mystery of Clockwork's existence; a world where magic is common and ghosts are not. A world where one lonely, average mage tries with all their might to save what means most to them. A world where things need to be remade into something better.

Shout out to my betas @bibliophilea and @moonlights-shadow-warrior for keeping me sane, @13thdoodle for letting me use their OC, Levi, @dailudannos and @sailor-toni for providing art for later chapters, and all the folks over at @invisobang for being awesome!!!!

Chapter One below the Cut. The rest is available on my Ao3 account because tumblr linking/posting is hella broken.

Chapter 1: An Inquiry

“Hey, Clockwork? Can I ask you something?”

Clockwork looks over from the mirror they were watching intently.  “You already have, Daniel,” they reply, offering the other a smirk.

“Oh, ha ha.  You've never said that to me before.”  The reply is filled to the brim with sarcasm, as per usual.  Danny rolls his eyes, but a small smile gracing his lips betrays the fact he isn't annoyed in the least.  “Seriously, though.  It’s something that's been on my mind like... every day for the last two weeks!!"  He raises his hands towards the sky, flopping back in the air dramatically.  "But... it's kinda, y'know.  Personal-”  Danny trails off, slightly embarrassed.

Of course.  Clockwork finds themself smiling fondly- Danny thought he’d said something he shouldn't have- an inquiry that could make his guardian upset (as if it's even possible to upset Clockwork like that).  A question is a question, and this is a worrying habit of his that the Time Master is trying to help break, even if it's still somewhat endearing to them.

“I uh, I mean... it’s personal about- to you, not to me. That’s what I meant!!” Danny continued.

Clockwork stares at him, unblinking.  An idea (or thousands) of what he may ask flashes through their mind’s eye.  With a single, calming pulse to their Core, Clockwork pushes the involuntary slideshow of timelines aside as if they're no more than curtains.  They need to focus on the window in front of them; the here and now, not the temporal drapery.

It's a habit they are trying to overcome for Daniel’s sake.  To ensure their ward's growth, they need to stop peering into the near future as often- not discourage his asking of questions.  After all, what is a child if not but a well of endless curiosity?  Cutting Danny off is also sure to disallow the development of any trust or patience Clockwork needs to build within their young ward.  They wouldn’t receive either of those things if they assume what he wanted to ask.

It's common decency to not assume, lest it ‘make an ass out of you and me’, according to Daniel.

It is going to be a tough habit to break, but by the (other) Ancients, they're trying their best.  Their ward deserves the infinitesimal choices all other children have when asking things of their guardians, so even if they do glimpse to the future, they will not mention it to him.  Clockwork refuses and will continue to refuse to take their ward’s agency away; to not have a choice in things is a fate worse than fading.

The boy has been quiet, stuck deep within his own thoughts even after an impressive five minutes and thirty-seven and a half seconds of silence (uncharacteristic of the boy, Clockwork notes).

Now that just won't do- he must have lost his train of thought.  Clockwork gestures at the ghost boy, motioning for him to continue.  It works- Danny adverting his eyes and clearing his throat, "Well, it’s just like- you know so much about me- like, how I died, the whole Ghost Zone Prince business, that entire disaster doomed timeline with Dan... I just keep thinking- no- realizing, that I barely know anything about you!!”  He throws his arms up in thinly veiled frustration.

Clockwork smirks. “You had another question, did you not?”  They place a hand along the edge of the closest Temporal Mirror, turning to face the mirror- still halfway facing Danny.  They can see his inner debate clearly written on the boy's face- the mirror reflecting as if it were an ordinary object (for now).  They turn towards it fully and watch Daniel's reaction from behind them, acting as if they aren't finding joy in their ward's hesitation.  It's always adorable when he tries not to offend Clockwork. "I may be able to work with time, but that doesn't mean I wish to float here waiting for an answer all day."

Danny blinks a few times, rolling his eyes again in response.  Clockwork is certain that if they weren’t secured to his skull by human musculature they’d fall out and roll away.  “Well, I’m sorry for trying not to be rude and like, asking outright... but since it’s you I have to always be super direct!!  Jeeze you’re frustrating sometimes!”  He floats towards his mentor, crossing his arms.

Danny often forgets Clockwork isn't easily upset over trivial things such as questions.  Most questions are about things they already know the answers to, anyways.  And the few things that they don’t know when asked, they figure out soon after.  Such is the duty of the Master of Time- to be a step ahead of everyone and everything else always.  Besides, in most timelines (68.3% of them, to round up) the question Daniel wishes to ask is along the lines of ‘What was your past like?’ Another small fraction (a little under 20%) the question is ‘How did you get so strong?’ .  And even in the remaining timelines, the question would be along the lines of ‘How do your time powers work?’

They are each things Clockwork expects Daniel to ask them at some point or other, as it were.  There isn’t really anything Daniel can ask that could be too shockin-

“Clockwork, I was wondering… how exactly did you become a ghost?”

They... did not see that coming… in any of the timelines they’d glimpsed.  Clockwork stills for only a fraction of a moment, but it’s long enough for Danny to flinch, feeling as if he’s crossed a line.  They hear more than see Daniel shrinking in on himself as they look off into nothing, buried memories waking slowly in their mind.

Clockwork is brought from their introspection by a mumbled curse.  “Shit!  I mean... uh crap??"   They just stare at Danny as they are brought back to the present.  "Never mind just... sorry for asking...  Oh man!  Did I offend you somehow?  Ancients dammit, this is what I was worried about!!”  They watch him curiously, soft whirring coming from their ward's anxious core.  “We can just forget about it if-”  Daniel’s hands wring together nervously, shoulders tense with worry and face full of guilt.

Right- facial expressions are also important for a young ghost's emotional communication and development.  Sometimes the Time Master wonders if their isolation in Long Now affected their social behavior (it did).  Their face is carefully blank most times, so they set to fix it- they offer a small grin, hand coming to rest on Daniel’s shoulder.  “It is more than fine, Daniel.  You asked if you could ask a question- which is in fact, two questions, I should note- but I gave you consent to ask it of me.”  They squeeze his shoulder to placate the worry.

“It’s about time I told you this story, as it were.  I just did not foresee it being told at this very moment."  Clockwork floats slowly, turning away from their Mirrors.  "Come along- it’s best we sit for this.  I’ll have one of your friends bring us some tea.”

Danny floats after his mentor, looking around the room the two normally use to study history of the Realms.  “So, uh… is it a long story or...?”

“Oh, it is very long, indeed.”  They fly through an ornate door and over to their favored 'chair'- a stack of comfortable cushions in violets and blues, both impossibly cool and warm at the same time.  They recall Daniel discovering the room, eyes full of wonder and posture relaxed.  Clockwork chuckles- the first time their boy had wandered in here he'd decided to take a running dive into the pile, jumping up in surprise when it was cold as ice, yet warm as fresh laundry.  The expression on their ward’s face is one of their fondest memories; a happy moment amongst all the tedium of watching time.

“It may take a while to tell this tale proper. But, it is a story that ought to be told.”  Daniel makes himself comfortable on his chair of choice- an unholy combination of 'borrowed' pillows and what appears to be a more modern gaming chair- complete with an obnoxiously bright green-black color scheme.  Clockwork has to hide another smile as Danny wiggles himself deep into the pile.  “So, Daniel- what do you know of the phrase ‘Totems of Power’?”

“I thought I was getting a story, not a pop quiz!  Unfair!!”  His disdain for schooling makes Clockwork laugh fondly before the boy continues.  “But they’re like… hmm how do I explain this?  Well, there’s the universe right?  Like every timeline and every result of every timeline all at the same time kind of ties into the main universe thingy- but there's still a main timeline, and that's kinda like... Main Street, and the other possible timelines are uh... like side streets with dead ends?  But there's other forces that like, aren't time and… uhhh...”

He hums, crossing his arms deep in thought.  Clockwork takes the time to purr-sing-hum at one of the many blobs floating in and out of their lair; Daniel had asked them to keep some around as pets and the Time Master was happy to oblige.  They were unable to deny something so beneficial to the young Prince, after all.  The one deemed ‘Mr. Pants’ by one of Daniel’s friends answers their call.  Clockwork buzzes to it a quiet request- ‘bring Daniel's favorite tea and mugs for two, please.’  The little thing chirrups and zips off through the walls- eager to serve the Lair’s owner and be (potentially) rewarded with pats (from Daniel).

The Time Master brings their undivided attention back toward a grumbling ghost boy, lost in thought.  “Daniel if you need to ask for help I’m glad to-”

Danny snaps his fingers, coming to a realization before his mentor can finish.  “I got it!!  The best way to explain it is ‘The Universe needs to run smoothly, so there’s certain forces- like Time or Space- that are upheld by a powerful entity, like a person or like… the avatar of that concept?  Yeah, something like that, but they ensure the aspect they represent is properly cared for so the universe doesn’t completely like, die.’”  Danny nods to himself.  "It's why you stepped in to stop Dan, to make sure the world didn't end like that."

“That is correct- it is my job to ensure this universe of ghosts and reality doesn't crumble prematurely.  Now, do you have a recollection of any other Totems you may have encountered?”

“Well, yeah!  We call them ‘Ancients’, though- so like… Pandora is the one for war and history, and Nocturn is for like… dreams?  The Void or something, maybe?  And then there’s old man Pariah who isn’t one, but he said there’s a Leadership Ancient somewhere, and then-”  Danny pauses, blinking at Clockwork in realization.  “Wait, you asked that for a reason, didn’t you?”

“That I did.  Becoming the Totem, or Ancient of Time is where this story starts.”  Clockwork hums, seeing Mr. Pants fly back towards the two- nearly spilling scalding tea all over the ground.  “Now then.  We have drinks.  We are sitting comfortably.  I believe it’s time I spin my tale for you.”  They take a sip, closing their eyes in bliss.

They open them once more and see Daniel sitting, eyes full of stars and eager- Eager to hear, eager to fire off a question a minute.  It makes a chuckle bubble up in their throat, to see their favorite person so excited to learn.

“Once upon a time, there was a human; average in most ways, a simple person living a simple life.  They would get up in the morning, perform their daily tasks, and go to sleep at night.  Day in, and day out- a boring, but fulfilling existence.

“However, where this story differs from what we recognize as reality, is that in this realm, humans who could control magic were the norm.  Think as if it were like one of those fantasy games you and Tucker play together- mages, healers… all of those and more were commonplace when I was alive.  Yes, humans can wield magic now, but it is nowhere near as frequent as they could in our tale.”

They pause, seeing that Danny was about to interrupt.  “Wait wait- this realm?  Like- this is a completely different reality?? And people can wield magic now???  Are you messing with me?  Like… I thought it was all just-”  The boy stops, his train of thought drifting off the tracks as it tends to now and then.

“Yes, first, this is a completely different realm from either the Mortal Plane or the Ghost Zone.  Second, Daniel- tell me... have you not noticed the magic of those you have encountered?  Blood blossoms… a reality warping gauntlet?  The existence that is ‘Freakshow’ in general should be a red flag, seeing as his talents were… strangely non-ghostly in origin.  Not to mention objects such as the Infi-map...”

“Man, I wish I could forget about Freakshow… who mind controls ghosts???  He was the worst!” Their young ward crossed his arms and grumbles.

“If you’re done sulking about your past misadventures and former foes, I was in the middle of telling a story, if I recall correctly.  One you asked I tell you…”  Clockwork simply stares, unblinking as steam wafts from their slowly cooling tea.

All is well, they knew Danny would only take approximately 4.85 seconds to snap his attention back to their story.  Clockwork sips their tea, waiting.

Danny snaps out of his thoughts only a millisecond off of Clockwork's prediction. “Sorry... it’s just super weird to think that magic actually… still exists?  Like ghosts are real and all but magic being a thing feels a bit far fetched, don’t ya think?”  He pouts, brow furrowed.

The Master of Time finally closes their eyes, removing the hood from their head.  White hair floats gracefully behind them, settling just past their shoulders.   Clockwork opens their eyes again- a serious, yet warm expression directed at their ward.  “Magic is simply defined as reality altering acts using both energy and the willpower of a sentient being, if that helps.”  Another sip.  Mr. Pants made a wonderful batch of tea, as always.  They smile wider when they notice Danny’s expression- the boy has never seen them without a hood, and they know doing this will (in 99.78% of all possible timelines) convince the boy to take what they said seriously.   ”Just as ghosts can be defined as ‘ectoplasm given form and consciousness’, forces beyond humanity and the physical realm can be explained with scientific terminology if you know where to look.”

“So like... what all did magic have to do with this ‘simple human’ version of you?  Did you ever have the power to shoot lightning??  Could I shoot lightning if I tried?  Like were you some sorta time wizard?  Is that why you’re all… timey-wimey and powerful?”  Danny wiggles his fingers with a look of confusion on his face.

Clockwork always finds their Core warming when their boy acts his age.  He's abnormally prone to shoulder the destiny of the world on himself and often forgets he's just a kid.  “You could continue asking questions one at a time, or you could allow me to tell my story.  The choice is yours, Daniel.”  They smirk, watching as Danny purses his lips, his steady flow of questions stopping short.  The best answer.  “Perfect- all is as I thought it would be.”

They close their eyes and reminisce as they continue.  “Now- to answer your last question… Yes.  You could say magic is how I came to be the Master of Time in both the Infinite Realms and the mortal plane, but there is much more to the story than that.  Other players, situations, and pure circumstances.  The universe in its infinite chances and possibilities brought myself, as well as many others to the situations they face here and now.”  Clockwork pauses, taking the moment to stare straight through Danny’s soul.  “Even yourself.”

The boy shudders, an appropriate response.  “Wait... me?  Did you… do something in the past to like… a past version of someone we know??  Can that even happen???”  Danny is already enraptured by the story, eyes twinkling as his mentor opens up about themself.  The boy is obviously thinking about everything that has happened, everything that could possibly have happened, and everything that Clockwork could possibly drop on him.

They feel Daniel cautiously tug on loose strands of time to see if he could possibly scope out what is about to be said, quickly failing to do much else beside give himself a small headache.  “Time stuff is still really confusing, Clockwork…”

“You could say that.  You could even say that trying to mess with time in the inner sanctum of Long Now is the most confusing ‘time stuff’ one could do if they were not myself.”  They grin- a Temporal Mirror appearing behind them with a thought.

“What’s the mirror for?”  Danny catches sight of himself and looks away, embarrassed that he’s been literally glowing with power after trying to do something so simple with his developing powers.  The glow is something he’s been working on suppressing recently.  After all, it would be a shame if other ghosts could see the boy powering up by aura alone.

The Master of Time smirks, bringing tea to their lips again.  “I thought it would be fun to attempt braiding my hair and doing my makeup for once.  It has been an awfully long time since I’ve done either.”

They stare at Danny who just bursts into laughter.  “Did you just use sarcasm???  Man, I didn’t know you could lighten up, Clockwork!”  The boy laughs harder, sinking deeper into his nest of pillows.  After a few minutes he was finally wiping tears from his eyes.  “But no.  Seriously… what’s the mirror for??”

“Why, what they are always for, Daniel- seeing through time and space.”  Clockwork waves their hand.  The mirrors show an image of a human with dark hair and burgundy eyes.  They have a large, hooked nose and medium brown skin- and Danny finds himself having a hard time guessing their gender.  The human sits at a desk, paused in time with the delicate gears of a clock sprawled along the desk surface, tools in hand.

Behind Clockwork, the image changes, showing the human living through an average day- images play in small spurts, never showing the whole story.  “Do you understand what’s being seen?”  The young boy nods, grabbing Mr. Pants out of the air as the blob drifts between the two.  Good, he will probably need the companionship, especially towards the end.

This isn’t the easiest story to tell, nor is it easy to listen to, but with a sip of their tea, Clockwork continues.

[aphrodite1288]

Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁����‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

[dangermousie]

Out of two het Meatbun novels on jjwxc, one has the very first (!!!) chapter of it locked.

I am unironically in awe. (I started on another one whose heroine is a tough MFer and I like even chapter in. It also has locked chapters but I can find those elsewhere.)

In general, jjwxc account and chrome auto translation is a great great invention since I discovered the author of Mistakenly Saving the Villain has a bunch of other novels (alas all modern) and the author of Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine does too and they are period!!! I am going to check some out (tho elsewhere since I prefer deepl to google translate and I can’t paste jjwxc text and also they have locked chapters.) I can see where my paycheck will be going haha.

Oh and I read the Mistakenly Saving the Villain extra and eeeee!!!! Some favorite bits:

1. Memory wiped An Long showing up at Yue Wuhuan’s house going “ugh this is so boring you were busy so you didn’t make the wine I normally drink and then I can’t even drag you out for our customary fun brawl since your spouse is just there.”

2. Qing Luan x Min Hong!!!! My one het otp in this one. The bit where MH finally discovers QL didn’t seal her memories after all.

3. The whole BZH x Peacock thing aka who knew this novel would give me an awesome secondary otp! Where Peacock is all “I don’t want to come back to heaven I finally got a spouse!” And YWH is all “fine here is a permit for coming and going from small world and power upgrade for BZH so he can also run around.” And also since all his feathers are out, Peacock is hiding at home and refusing to peek out or even do his usual lady clothes etc so he just basically hangs around BZH all day and the rumors become that BZH locks up some beauty in a dungeon for kinky times and BZH who is long used to all this insanity is just rolling his eyes.

Honestly, BZH storyline is one of my fave things about this novel because it’s such an inversion of genre stereotypes about bed roles corresponding to externalities so to speak - Peacock literally dresses and acts like a girl to such an extent most those not close to them don’t even know he’s not a woman. And BZH is the reserved, tough, tragic past head of assassin/bounty hunter sect who at the end is the freaking ruler of the Imperishable Peak aka he runs the world. And he’s the shou. (Also I will never be over the fact that while enough time passed, people don’t even know it was him, the vague story of his origins is around but the past got distorted enough that the abuser rapist in chief Jin Feiren is portrayed as an unfortunate victim killed by his cruel terrifying faithless spouse BZH. BZH doesn’t give two hoots - even if Peacock does and commissions books where BZH is an innocent victim rescued by a beauty aka him and BZH still doesn’t give two hoots - but the reason I love it so much is that it basically tramples JFR into dust so much further - to be “remembered” as a hapless little victim and his perfect toy BZH as some sort of sinister monster is the most humiliating reversal and I love it.)

4. All the OTP stuff!!! I saved the best for last. The fact that Yue Wuhuan saw SQS when he was still a stone and he’s always been obsessed with collecting beautiful stones so he asked the Heavenly Emperor for it and HE was all “it’s getting infused with spiritual power when it’s done sure” and then SQS actually turns into a person and HE is all “sorry YWH oops” and YWH goes “he’s a person? But why do I still want to take him home?” Awwww!!! That is why he used to fly by his window every day before the calamity!!!! Awww.

SQS still being a super big research nerd. He adopts that snake in human form and is all “I won’t be picky just one PhD will do!”

I like that a lot of YWH’s issues are fixed once he’s in his proper body/environment since he’s all “my actual body didn’t get get touched/I have a ton and ton of normal not horrible memories to balance the horrors out” but it’s not fully 100% fixed tho it probably will sometime be. Hi there realism!

Those two have a swinging sex life heh. My fave bit is it turns out the blood mole pops back out at some point and he hates it so he wants to figure out how to remove it but SQS is all “scientific research! Let’s see what makes it pop out and go away!” And it turns out it’s if he’s feeling particularly hmmm and if SQS and he have a really good time in bed it goes away again. And SQS is all “don’t need to figure out some insane ways of removal, I am willing to assist any time!” Hahahaha

They build some sort of replica of medicine valley because YWH is all “ugh my palace is too freaking large it takes me forever to track you down and even the bed is way too large.” Heh. I wish I had those problems.

Ok, this is just hilarious but at some point SQS gets so engrossed in his research he forgets to bang his spouse on the reg and when that finally ends YWH drags him into some sort of harem simulation where everyone is various avatars of YWH and afterwards SQS is all “omg I must never neglect him again for long because I can’t do this again I am too exhausted!!!”

5. Lady Nian Nian is 100% lesbian. Fight me.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Hello!! Im so sorry to bother you especially if you’re busy, but congrats on 1k!! That’s so awesome!💖💖💖If it isn’t too much, I would love a TF2 Matchup!

I’m a 5’5 female with longish brown hair and blue eyes!! I’m an infp, and basically a big ol hippie! (I’m so sorry Soldier.😔) I love to bake, play video games, draw, garden, watch cartoons and basically allow myself to become consumed by nature whenever possible. I absolutely love 70s classic rock too and try to blast it whenever I can.

Personality wise I would say I’m very awkward and sensitive, but I still try to maintain being friendly! I love helping others, but I often neglect myself and have a really bad self confidence issue, along with terrible anxiety. I’m def trying to improve that though even if it is very hard. I have no idea if this accounts for anything either, but I hardly wear any makeup just for the sake of being too lazy lmao and tired pretty much all the time. Coffee is not a choice at this point, it’s pretty much my life force. This is a cry for help/jk

Hopefully this is enough!! Thank you so much for even reading this it means so much to me

Your matchup is... Demoman!

[Disclaimer, if you're coming from the tags, this is part of a special event I am holding from November 17th to the 21st where I am accepting matchups from all fandoms I currently write for. Feel free to check out my 1K celebration masterlist here for rules during the window this event is open! If it's past the 21st midnight USA central time, do NOT send me a matchup. I will have to politely turn you down. Sorry </3]

In General

Hm, this one had me tilting my head for a bit. I saw you working with multiple people, which often happens with these, but I'm actually going Tavish because I like it the most.

Things He Likes About You

What doesn't Tavish like about you? He loves literally everything from your longish brown hair to your big blue eyes. Reminds them of the sea - I think that's why I put you two together because I strongly associate Tavish with the ocean. Don't make me start a selkie AU between the two of you-. He likes that you're into gardening, and nature - Tavish has a green thumb but no one knows about it - an he loves that you're into 70s classic rock, which he enjoys too. Also likes tavern music so make of that what you will lmfao. He finds your personality so endearing tbh, especially because you're friendly which makes him melt. He's drawn to sweet, caring people. Please switch this man over to coffee instead of alcohol- while he's not ALWAYS drunk, it would do his liver some good lmfao.

You Two as a Couple

I just like the thought of you two as a couple. It makes me smile and I think it's because of the dynamic that's going on here. Tavish has this thing where he doesn't think he deserves anything or anyone good, but you come in and change ALL of that. You make him smile, and you're so sweet and kind and beautiful and his world goes upside down. Loves your hippie nature tbh. He'll bake with you too .Is he any good at it?? Kind of,,,,, He'll garden with you too as he actually really likes being in nature as well. Greenery is his happy place, but more so the sea. He'll blast 70s classic rock with you too, and belt out all the words alongside you. He wants to tangle his fingers in your hair and tell you how beautiful he thinks you are. He gets being awkward, but the man is always out there so it doesn't bother him one bit. I feel like nap dates are a thing between the two of you as well, which is wholesome as all hell. Doesn't mind that you don't wear makeup/very little. He probably doesn't,,,,, even notice?? It's not that he doesn't care the man just isn't observant unless he throws an actual brain cell into it. I feel the two of you are really chill, and generally sleepy. As the world moves on, rushing faster and faster, the two of you are taking a nap. It's cute.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things

Hi love bug! Thank you so so much. This was good enough, hope you enjoyed!! <3

[selfilluminatingkyu]

Dancing with the Devil(s): Chapter III

Previous|Current|Next 

You don’t go searching for bones in a Lion’s Den. You just hope you don’t become a part of the pile. 

F!Reader x Adult Trio; this takes place during the same timeline as Season 3 of HxH but the events with Kuropika and the crew are just shifted a little. Things will align back up within the next couple of chapters. 

Warnings: Swearing; mentions of conditioning of a child (reader); 

Word Count: 4.8K

After…whatever it was that had taken place with the members of the Troupe, Chrollo had placed you back into his study as he gave further instructions to the rest of the team, who you had been introduced to formally. You would have liked to say that the introduction had cooled your nerves a bit but that would have been a lie. If anything, it made you more anxious. The more you knew, the more susceptible you were to be considered a “loose end” and the likelihood of your impending death became that much more stark to you. Should you prove to be of no use to Chrollo or the rest of the Spiders, as you learned they were frequently called, your time would be clicking down on a timer. 

You still weren’t entirely sure what had happened and what you had done that had proven to be so amazing that had the lot in such a tizzy. You’d spent at least an hour playing a continuous game of “hide and seek” as Nobunaga had dubbed it. Although, you weren’t entirely sure who was exactly supposed to be hiding, seeing you felt their presences the entire time. The only time you had been a little unsure was towards the end. Hisoka’s presence had wavered momentarily, as if he’d suddenly disappeared, but you’d taken in a deep breath and focused yourself only for him to pop back up again, like an object on a radar. Chrollo’s had also been faint at one moment towards the end but his aura had never truly gone away, not that you thought it was possible anyway. Not with how dark and menacing his was. 

“I’m sorry for the delay, but it seems that there’s a new bounty on our heads and we didn’t collect all of the items for auction. There’s also some other matters to attend to.” You looked over your shoulder to Chrollo as he stepped back into the room. The information made you pause…you were certain that everything had been accounted for, for the first round. 

His hair was messy in comparison to the slicked back style it had been earlier, and you mused that it made him look even younger and it suited him more. Looking at him you wondered how many people he’d disarmed and made comfortable with his looks and charm. In another life, he had to have been the eldest son to a very, very wealthy and powerful man. 

Making a noise of agreement, you turned to look back outside. It was getting dark now. The brightest stars starting to pop up in the purple and pink hazed sky. It reminded you of all of the times you and your family went to the country side, away from the city and the light pollution, where you could look at the stars till your heart was content. More than once, you’d fallen asleep outside, wondering what other worlds were out there, what sort of people there were…if any of them ever felt like you did or were raised like you. In your head, there were other girls like you, who’d been raised the same and by some chance, you all ended up together, united and made sure it could never happen to another soul. 

You were people, not property. 

But that was a fantasy and this was reality and in this reality, you didn’t know when your time was up and so you’d decided that you would do whatever was necessary to be reunited with those you’d lost. You’d see your siblings again. You’d save them for your parents. You’d give them a better life, and all the unconditional love they deserved. No fear of being sold to the highest bidder in an effort for your parents to obtain something that was unlikely to act quench their thirst for more power, more money, just more. 

“I don’t believe I ever actually asked you name…or how exactly it was you came to be among the items set for auction.” You jumped, so lost in thought that you hadn’t even register Chrollo. It wasn’t his voice that startled you, but the proximity of his mouth to your ear. He stood behind you, towering over you and making you feel smaller than you already did in his shadow. 

“No, you didn’t. Not that anyone else did, to be frank. But it’s y/n. And I believe I briefly told you earlier how I came to be there. I’m the eldest of four and since a young age, my parents have always been complimented on how beautiful I was. I’m pretty sure from the moment I was born, they were told that they’d been blessed with a precious gem. They took it a little too seriously and decided that what other purpose was there for a gem than to buy them a bigger one? So…my parents figured to obtain more wealth, more power, more notoriety, they’d marry me off to the man or family that checked all of those boxes the most. So, they groomed me to be the perfect wife for a man of that caliber. I got all of the etiquette classes a lady of that birth ranking would get, along with ones that would place me outside of the pack. I had tutors for all of my studies and learned several languages. I was put under pressure and polished to perfection.

“At one point they were in discussions with a family, I was going to be married to their eldest son. I never met him, but I snuck into my father’s office one night and saw a photo of him and his family. While he seemed handsome enough, there was something peculiar about him that had me anxious before I’d even met him. But, while they had the money and power and notoriety…it wasn’t in the form my parents wanted. They wanted to be among those in high society, in the light where people on the street would whisper about them…not among the shadows like that family apparently was. So, my parents started again, except…no one was meeting their standards and the original family seemed to be the best offer they had…till there was someone else. I don’t know how the Don who bought me had heard of me, or how one of the others had, but he did and he was certain that he could tick all of the boxes my parents were trying to fill. So, they made a deal and suddenly I was being brought here to the auction.

“I was in a different room originally, by myself, in a suite. But the Don’s right hand man who’d been watching me prior to the auction came in flustered, talking about something going on and they moved me…which is where I was when…whatever sucked me and the rest of the items into a void happened and then I was backstage where the rest of the Troupe found me. And that’s it.” You turn to look at him and find that the look on his face has you turning around completely. 

The man looks a mixture of furious rage and melancholy heartbreak…and it has you absolutely stumped as to why a man who has killed for sheer joy and amusement—as you’d realized after hearing their names and remembering the scarlet eyes—would look so pained over the story of a young woman being sold as a wife. It didn’t align with the character chart you had started creating in your head for him. No, it was just as peculiar as Hisoka looking concerned when Chrollo had ushered you away from the rest of the group, away from him. 

Regardless, you stood and waited, waited for him to do or say anything so that you could gage how you were meant to react to him when suddenly he was looking at you and cupping your cheeks in his hands. 

“You do not have to worry about being sold to anyone. I’m not in the business of human trafficking.” The sincerity in his words should have calmed you, but it didn’t. You’d heard promises from other men before. Promises to run away with you; promises to marry you and give your parents what they so desired and to save you and your siblings. 

But promises were made to be broken and you weren’t going to hold your breath that this man, lawless as he was, was any different than the rest. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” You said stepping out of his grasp and moving out of arms reach. The moment felt far too intimate for someone you had just met, for someone who was essentially holding you captive as he’d made no mention of letting you go. 

Chrollo dropped his arms and looked at you carefully, you could feel his eyes rove over you, and you wondered if he was appraising you as a woman or as a ward, either way it made your skin crawl and feel like a filly up for auction all over again. 

“I don’t blame you for not trusting me. I’m sure there were people in your past who promised you things and never saw them through. Left you feeling more vulnerable and alone than you had prior to. I understand that, I have been there and been in the same place. The only family, the only true family I had was one I created by bringing together a bunch of misfits who sought to burn the world to the ground for the atrocities that we shared. We are bound by a common goal of watching the world, and the people who prosper from the neglect and despair of others, burn. While I have not been in your exact position, I can still understand where you are coming from.” You turn to look at him, eying him carefully as he continues on with his little speech. “I’ll give you two options. You can leave, right here, right now. I’ll take you wherever it is you want to go and that’ll be the end of it. If we see each other, or if you see any of the other members, we’ll act as if we have no idea who you are. However, I think there are things you want to accomplish, people you want to keep with you and as you are now, you won’t be able to accomplish those things.” 

“So…what exactly are you suggesting?” 

“Stay with us. Let me and the other members train you, tap into the clear raw ability you have. Earlier, the members were using a technique called zestsu. When highly capable Nen users are using this technique, their presence is nearly untraceable. However, when myself or other members of the Troupe do it, along with other high skilled hunters, we should completely disappear.” He says and the way his eyes light up as he describes this has you both intrigued but also unnerved. “You, who has no nen abilities or true knowledge, should not have been able to detect Feitain, Machi, Phink, Shalnark, or Nobunaga when you walked into the room. However, there wasn’t a single presence hidden from you. That’s not something even elite nen users can do, let alone you. And yet…you did and with seemingly no effort at all.” 

You looked him over, knowing this offer was too good to be true, and what was it that he got in return out of this deal? The warning bells in your head were going off, telling you that while this deal seems to benefit you the most…you just knew that there was no way, shape, or form in which a man like him would allow any deal to benefit anyone other than himself. 

So, you did the only thing you could do, ask. 

“How do you benefit from this? It seems burdensome to take on a complete stranger who may have a disposition for high potential. But there’s no guarantee that my nen ability is anything other than this.” 

Clearly, the man wasn’t used to his authority being question—although it wasn’t in your intention to do as such, you could see how it could be construed that way—and seemed to regard you in a new way. He was obviously amused by your honesty and total lack of trust in him and his intention. You didn’t see how he could blame you though. No honor among thieves was a saying for a reason and you very much doubted that him and his ragtag group of thieves, professionals and highly regarded in the underworld be damned, were just going to pull a 180 and do something out of the kindness of their hearts. At the end of the day, a thief was a thief and their word usually meant little. That was something you father had taught you early on. You had been too trusting as a child, wanting to see the good in everything, regardless of the bad. 

“But papa, that doesn’t mean they’re all bad.” A much younger you had said innocently enough as you father had dragged you away from the group of older girls who had been trying to exploit your generosity. 

“No, it doesn’t but you also need to realize that the majority of people do not have good intentions.” Crouching down in front of you, he’d grabbed on your shoulders and made you look directly into his eyes. “And those who never do, never will. Do you understand? You need to understand that you are very valuable, and to the wrong people could be a great bartering chip to be used against others. Make sure you can’t be.” 

You honestly hadn’t understood exactly what he meant, but the message had stuck and several years later, you had known what he meant by it. People who proved themselves worthy of your trust could have it…but you always needed to keep it in your head that there were those who, despite proving themselves as friends, could be masked foes and you needed to have a plan in place should that occur. More often than not, you wondered if you were actually the wolf in sheep’s clothing simply masquerading as docile and inept, when really…you were probably the most calculating and tactile in the room. 

“And what’s to say that you won’t use what I teach you against me, against us?��� He asks, and you know he means it rhetorically, but you can’t help your biting response. 

“You wouldn’t ever give me the opportunity.” Your response is lightening fast, coming out before he truly has even finished his question and you know you have truly piqued his interest now, again making you wonder how people truly viewed you. “I told you, I was raised for the sole purpose of being a formidable opponent to anyone who tried to harm by future husband…my mother was not lenient in her pursuits.” 

“Indeed…that certainly is becoming clearer now.” 

You’d come to an agreement with Chrollo. He, and the rest of the Troupe who wished to partake in your training, would do as such. He had already told you that his methods did not truly align with the “generally approved instruction” of other masters, but then again…when did anything he did? 

But as of now, he told you to relax. Take a shower, get some food, sleep, he or one of the other members would come and find you once they’d returned back from the mission he’d sent them on. As for him, he had other things to attend to. His offer still stood, he’d said before he’d walked out the door, that should you choose that you did not want his help or that of the Troupe, he would respect it, but advised you to be gone before anyone got back or the training began. Because after that point, leaving was going to require you going through the front door and would more than likely be a battle with whomever was blocking it. Whether that be him or a different member, he didn’t specify, and you didn’t ask. 

You were currently sitting in the tub; in the room he’d showed you as your own. It reminded you a lot of the room you had at the home your parents owned in the country. It overlooked a beautiful garden in the back and had windows that faced the east, so when the sun rose, you would too. There was an en-suite attached that was larger than you had ever seen before. Shower, tub, separate toil area, two sink vanity, and walk in closet to boot. You knew they had money, despite his comment that “money, power, and fame were not” what drove them to do what they did, it was clear that their endeavors were clearly not fruitless…no, not at all. 

The moment you realized you were alone, you’d crawled into the tub, clothing and all and cranked the water to as warm as it would go and just sat there as the water rose. While you had a thousand thoughts zipping through your head…you couldn’t seem to latch onto one in particular, just staring at the water blankly. 

You thought back to the comment he’d made when you’d walked back into the study after his little experiment. Apparently we didn’t get all of the auction items. While yes, that was true, they hadn’t gotten all of them as there were different rounds and the items showed up in waves so they wouldn’t be vulnerable to a heist—or so Yuuto had explained when you’d asked—the items for the first round had all be within the lot of goods the others had brought back. And you didn’t take Chrollo for wanting silly things like rare videos games…although it was a high ticket item. 

So, all you could deduce from that was that this was a trap. A poorly set one, and one you were certain he’d already figured out but still, the members he’d sent, unless aware were walking into a trap and the Ten Dons had an artillery of their own, with weapons you were led to believe could even take on the Phantom Troupe. 

Regardless of all of this information though…you couldn’t say you cared, nor did you care if you were questioned later as to whether or not there had been more items because while you didn’t think there were any, you couldn’t be certain, and it wouldn’t surprise you if there had been more. Someone didn’t become that powerful by being lax in their paranoia. 

Maybe you could learn and thing or two from that mentality.

You don’t know how long you sat in the tub for. At some point the water became cold and your clothes began to rub you the wrong way. Thus, you took them off, throwing them away from your body, drained the water and stared the process over again. 

Your skin was not only a pretty shade of pink and red, just about all over, but the pruning of it was beginning to feel uncomfortable not that it bothered you. It was a distraction, one you desperately needed. But it also made you think. 

Made you evaluate your circumstances and try to figure out what exactly your plan of attack was going to be; what you could anticipate being Chrollo’s and the rest of the troupes’ motives and actions from here on out…and how you could use all of those pieces to your advantage. You need to uncover their weaknesses and find a way to exploit them. Maybe there was someone who knew them and you could mutually benefit each other? 

“Think too hard and you might hurt yourself little dove.” Were you not as exhausted as you were, you might have jumped out of the tub when you heard Hisoka. No, instead you turned to look at him, leaning against the doorjamb leading into your room, idly shuffling through his deck of cards. 

He looked at you through his lashes, coy smirk growing on his lips as he sauntered forward and again, it struck you that had you not been so exhausted, mentally, emotionally…physically, you probably would’ve jumped up or screamed at him to leave. But you simply did not have any reserved energy left to consider your modesty a priority. 

You also doubted it would do you any good anyway. Hisoka didn’t strike you as the type to listen to a request like that anyway. He seemed to enjoy toying with people’s discomforts. 

“I wouldn’t call what I’m doing thinking.” You mutter, turning away from him and sinking further into the water, nearly causing it splash out of the sides. 

“Oh? Then what would you call it? Planning? Devising?” 

“I’d call it a jumbled ball of messy thoughts that benefit me in no way.” 

He hums at this, coming to sit on the floor beside the tub and you suddenly realize just how tall he is. The tub has to be at least two feet off the ground if not more, yet when he sits down, and slouches even, he’s still considerably taller than you. You would, under normal circumstances, have curled in on yourself in order to preserve your modesty. It was one thing for him to be standing in the doorway, your back to him and the hazy from the steam distorting your image in the mirror. 

However, with him right here, next to you, there is nothing distorting your nakedness from his peering eyes. A nakedness that no man, outside a physician for the Dons’, has seen. But for the fact that you are too exhausted to care, you do not move to cover yourself more than your arms already had. You hadn’t realized that at some point, you’d curled back in on yourself again…maybe your subconscious was more conscious than you realized. 

Despite all of this though, Hisoka turn himself so his back was towards you and in that moment you were struck by something. Most probably would’ve viewed this as trust, but you knew better. You hadn’t known this man for more than a moment. It wasn’t trust at all. 

It was a silent assertion of just how weak he viewed you. How weak they all probably viewed you. For some reason this pissed you off. Rage flared low in your stomach and raced through you veins and clawed at your throat, questing to lash out at the closest target. However, your mind was quick to act and quell those feelings almost as quickly as they appeared. He was right, you were weak and lashing out at someone that much more powerful than you was not only reckless, but just plain stupid. You’d accomplish nothing on your best day as it was, not even including the fact that you were currently exhausted. 

No, getting pissed off was misplaced in this situation…but it was a tangible force that could push you do work hard, to become a formidable opponent. 

One in which Hisoka would never turn his back on. 

As you both continued to sit there in silence, you couldn’t help but wonder if Chrollo had called him back to watch you. You thought it odd but not outlandish. You hadn’t taken Chrollo as a liar though and the offer to leave, while not something you were going to take him up on, seemed to vanish the moment Hisoka walked into the house or within a vicinity to spot you in your endeavors to vacate the premises before anyone got back. 

But then you thought about what Chrollo had said. Leaving before anyone got back and scoffed, shaking your head, wondering how you could be so thoughtless. 

“Something amusing little dove?” Hisoka poses, throwing another playing card towards the vanity. What he’s trying to hit, you’re not sure. 

“Just realizing how inept my critical thinking skills have been lately.” His hesitation in throwing the next card relays to you his peaked curiosity, although he says nothing. “Chrollo told me I could leave should I chose to, but I had to do as such before anyone got back or prove that I was worthy of walking through the front door. At the time I thought nothing of it, assuming when he suggested I shower and sleep, that I’d have time to do those things. When you walked in, I wondered if he’d been lying but thought that odd because…I didn’t sense him lying.” 

You pause and chuckle again. “No, he wasn’t lying…he just also wasn’t being entirely truthful either. He just left out the fact that you and whomever else returned with you wouldn’t be long after he left. Had I been paying attention, been thinking I would’ve caught that. I’m not entirely sure at what point I either reached such a level of exhaustion…or decided you lot were trustworthy enough to not care.” 

The revelation had you looking up from your hands and the man sitting beside you. It also had you wondering what his purpose was for coming into the bathroom. You knew, now, that Chrollo hadn’t ordered him back; hadn’t given him instruction to watch you. No, Hisoka had come here of his own volition and you the question as to why was picking at your brain…and paranoia. Why would he come here? There was a piece to this puzzle that you were missing, and you couldn’t decide if it was because you just didn’t have the information or if it was again to your own obtuseness. 

The thought niggled at the back of your head, running through scenario after scenario. Did he have a connection to someone you knew? Someone you had known? Was he a double agent working for the Dons and was keeping your close so that he could return you to them? No, that didn’t seem likely…but not the double agent part. You didn’t take him to follow orders from anyone; he didn’t seem like the type to play to play well with others for long. 

“I’m starting to wonder if the steam is coming from the hot water or from in between your eyes little dove.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“What is it you don’t understand?” He questioned, throwing another card and this time putting some force behind it as it cut into the vanity and stuck. 

You were certain it was an intimidation tactic to indicate to you to tread lightly. 

“Why you’re in here. I know Chrollo didn’t order you to be here, there’s no reason to place a guard on me. I’m sure he texted everyone telling them I wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of whether I’d come to that conclusion myself prior to or after he’d sent it. And I don’t take it anyone would just…wander in unwelcome. I’m sure there’s something, some presence around meant to keep those who don’t know better away…and those who do, a warning of fleeting life. And I’m not interesting enough to truly pique your interest. Maybe after I’ve spent some time learning nen and training. But as it stands, right not I’m of no consequence to you and so I don’t understand why you’re here.” 

Taking in a deep breath, you realize that he’s completely stopped throwing the cards, and not because he’s out. No, he’s caused four more cards to stick to the vanity. The King of Spades, the King of Aces, the King of Diamonds, and then the Queen of Hearts are all standing up and a feeling goes through you that you can’t place. It warms you, and yet makes your blood run cold all at the same time and leaves you feeling a little lightheaded and dizzy. Maybe you’ve been in the bath for too long. 

“You’re very perceptive little dove, more perceptive than anyone has realized…certainly far more intelligent than you’ve been given credit.” He stands and plucks the random card from the vanity, along with all those he scattered haphazardly on the floor but leaves the Kings and Queen. “I look forward to seeing how you ripen little dove. I’m certain that you will become…especially sweet when this is all said and done.” He chuckles lowly and in the back of his throat, the effect making you shudder, and not in a pleasant way, as he begins to leave before pausing and turning to look at you over his shoulder. 

“I do have a question for you little dove.” He says and you hum, indicating that you’re listening. “What do you know of Illumi Zoldyck?” 

[nothlits-archive]

Zoe lunarsystem13 / lunar_system13 / lemonscenteddaves / zazberry is a dangerous person.

Other names they may go by are Raven, Cassandra, Luna, and various other system member names but they primarily identify themself as Zoe or the Lunar System and frequently use the number 13 and blue and purple heart emojis as an identifier. As far as I know they are only active on tiktok now, but do have Twitter and Instagram accounts under the above usernames.

This isn't to get attention or to be petty about anything. I just want to be fully open about my experience and I want to be able to explain my feelings concisely in one place. The biggest reason I'm writing this is because I am scared that Zoe will do to other people what they did to me, because they've shown themself to be unrepentant. I attempted to bring things up with them privately when we were still on speaking terms and it resulted in gaslighting about past situations and a complete refusal to listen to or speak to me ending in uninstalling discord to avoid me.

Content warnings for abuse, gaslighting, disordered eating, hospitalization, drugs, alcohol, sexual harassment, cheating, mentions of death. 

Zoe and I dated for about two years from 2018-2020. We broke up in January 2020 and were on speaking terms until early May. We initially broke up amicably because I felt emotionally neglected and wanted to give Zoe the space they needed to work on some personal problems they'd been struggling with for some time by that point. We agreed they needed more time to themself and didn't have the energy to expend on both self betterment and a partner. I wanted to stay friends with them and stop letting myself get hurt by an absent partner. 

A few weeks after breaking up, Zoe and I got into an altercation where it came out that Zoe had, for the entire duration of our relationship, felt that I would never have been able to meet their needs emotionally no matter what I did and elected to never share this with me or end the relationship. They told me they would eventually just make up for my shortcomings by "getting another partner". Zoe and I were both polyamorous, but this is NOT how I practice polyamory and I didn't think it was how they practiced it either. This totally broke me. 

After this, Zoe blocked me on Twitter and discord. Without apologizing to me for anything, they began messaging every friend of mine they had contact info for, "apologizing" for hurting me and trying to spread a narrative that I was telling people the wrong information about them to make them look bad. Some of the people they messaged were people I did not talk to about my personal life and who had no idea that we had even fallen out. Some of them were my closest friends, who thankfully knew Zoe was full of shit and blocked them. They messaged my boyfriend and told him that they thought I'd only started dating him to get back at them for not reading my fanfiction, a claim that absolutely gutted me as it was never something on my mind and I would NEVER commit to a relationship for the sake of petty revenge over a fanfiction. 

I had to message them from a second Twitter account to ask them about what to do with all of their belongings I still had and tell them not to worry about returning mine. I also messaged them that way to explain that what they'd done and said had devastated me and to reprimand them for messaging my friends weird shit about our personal business. They initially completely ignored me for multiple days until I texted their phone and asked them to let me know if they'd read my message so that I could move on and stop worrying about it all. 

When they finally responded, it was with hostility and they only stopped slinging accusations about me when I told them I didn't see them as a bad person (a statement soon to change). We tentatively made up after they did one of their infamous 180s on me and apologized profusely to me, claiming they understood what they did was wrong now. Debatable.

This is where I think it's important to go into the content of our relationship. At the time of it all happening, I felt our relationship was healthy and stable. But red flags are hard to see when you're in it. 

Zoe is a highly manipulative and narcissistic person. If you look up covert narcissism, they fit the bill 100%. They lie intentionally and consistently in order to make themself look innocent. They gaslight people to play the victim. They repeatedly put me into positions where my only option was to comfort them while ignoring my own feelings. If I stood up for myself or got upset at their behavior, I was told I was being cold or they would throw a tantrum about how traumatized they are and how they can't help it. I entered into a second relationship about a year into ours. Zoe was fully aware of and initially supportive of this, but after some time, any time I would bring up my other partner, Zoe would dissolve into accusations that I was going to leave them, accusations that I was ignoring them for my other partner, complaints that because of their disabilities they weren't as good (a repeated subject for them, which I always, always reassured them was not the case and it never was): all of this in order to obtain comfort from me over the existence of someone else in my life. 

At one point, my boyfriend was considering moving out of his unhealthy home to live with a family member over an hour away from me and Zoe went off the rails to both of us, telling us it wasn't fair for us to be near each other in person if they couldn't be there, how they'd been dating me longer so it was their right to be with me first, how my boyfriend should have to stay where he was even though it was a bad environment for him. This was not a plan. It was a vaguely mentioned idea. Nothing ever came of it. Zoe apologized for this, but their possessive behavior never stopped. This interaction made me feel like an object, not a person they supposedly loved. 

Another time, after visiting me, Zoe began harassing me over needing to be able to house them so they could move down to be with me permanently. They expected this to happen in a matter of months. Zoe is disabled and cannot work and at the time did not receive any government assistance. I work in retail and at the time was living with a friend's family. I did not have my own place. I could not afford to singlehandedly support myself, let alone two people. I told Zoe this, and they told me that if I didn't figure it out they were going to die. This devastated me. I cried for hours because of how bad they were making me feel over something out of my control. I could barely type out responses to them besides asking them to stop and apologizing, but Zoe kept telling me that I was acting like I didn't care and was choosing to give up on them.

After this passed, they did what they always did and flipped to affection flooding me: "I'm so sorry baby, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong at all, I love you so much and know you're trying so hard". 

This sort of on/off behavior was constant. I never knew what was real, or if I'd actually done something wrong, or if Zoe was going to go off on me over the slightest thing. I brought this up to them multiple times. A lot of the time it was met with "I can't help it." Other times, they would apologize and then continue the same behavior. 

I first started telling them I was feeling neglected in October 2019. Nothing changed. When we broke up in January 2020 they told me I never gave them the chance to change or fix anything. They then told me the problems I was having were inherent to their dissociative disorder so it wasn't their fault. They also told me that me breaking up with them made them feel like there was no reason to go on, presumably to make me feel guilty for ending a clearly toxic relationship where they clearly still weren't learning what they were doing was wrong. 

Zoe would frequently accuse me of things I hadn't done and then behave as if those accusations were true. Not limited to: agreeing to mod a discord server my boyfriend made just to keep them out of it on purpose (the link was shared publicly on Twitter where they followed both of us and the server was 3 hours old when they confronted me), abandoning them and not talking to them at all for a week when I was extremely busy every day (I spoke to them at length every single day that week and was not unreachable at any point), many many instances of only being with my boyfriend because I saw them as not good enough due to disability (never true, ever). This led to me never being able to understand my own behavior because Zoe always acted as if I was doing something wrong regardless of whether I was or not. I was guilt tripped a lot for things I didn't even do. I believe Zoe is delusional and genuinely believed these things to be true, but that doesn't change that it hurt and scarred me to be treated this way for so long.

Zoe lied to me about their whereabouts and health frequently. Zoe has DID and many physical health problems they haven't been properly diagnosed yet because of the complex nature of their symptoms. I will not deny Zoe is disabled mentally or physically. But they often used this as a way to get pity or to guilt trip me. Near the end of our relationship, they would disappear for sometimes 14+ hours at a time with no warning. Because of this, I stopped reaching out to them about my feelings or trying to talk to them about anything serious because I had developed a sort of learned helplessness. If I felt that my partner was unreachable, I would spare myself the pain of reaching out and being ignored. My mental health was very poor at this time and I was struggling with my pet being sick and nearly dying. Zoe would tell me they were just sleeping a lot. I knew they were sick and often slept long periods, so I didn't push it but I did keep to myself. They became angry at me for not reaching out to them and told me they couldn't be there for me if I didn't reach out to them and that I didn't want them around. It was a cycle, and I'll admit that I contributed to it, but I did it to protect myself. This is all important because one of Zoe's alters soon told me that Zoe had been lying to me about sleeping and was actually just trying to intentionally keep me from knowing what was really going on, which I won't share because it's not relevant. Finding out my partner was lying to me when they were already being very absent in my life was a hard thing to handle. 

Zoe would also go on to lie about intentionally not eating when they'd told it to me as being physically unable to keep food down because of their Celiac's and lying to me about the length of a serious decline in health that ultimately put them in the hospital. When my pet rabbit, who is like a human child to me, was on the verge of death, Zoe messaged me telling me they were scared they were about to die. When I told them bluntly that they needed to go to the hospital if they truly felt that way, they told me I hurt their feelings and that they didn't literally think they were dying and only said that to me so I'd tell them they weren't dying. While they knew I was in a crisis over potentially losing a pet I consider to be my main emotional support for nearly a decade. Their selfishness is truly limitless and if they think anyone or anything is infringing on their victimhood, they will do whatever they can to get pity and attention.

I cannot confirm that this is a lie, but I have my suspicions about it and it's a toxic situation regardless of whether lying comes into play or not. When Zoe visited me for the first time, they were determined to get and use my thc vape pen. In the past, Zoe told me that weed (and specifically thc) caused them to have seizures and so they did not use it anymore. Because I'd been fed this narrative of how scary the seizures were and how dangerous it was for them and how they couldn't have it anymore, I refused to give them my pen. When I realized how desperate they were, I even hid it. I had to go to work for a few hours one night while they stayed in my home (again, where I live with a friend's family). They became unstable and were essentially begging me to use the pen. I repeatedly said no, saying I wasn't going to be responsible for them having a seizure. They still kept pushing me. Eventually they moved on to threatening to drink alcohol in the house that did not belong to me. They threatened to walk to a liquor store (there isn't one within walking distance and they were all closed). They were unrelenting about the pen. Eventually I gave in because I loved them and they were hurting. They did not have a seizure. I know that now they smoke weed constantly. There's no real proof that they lied to me. It's possible they were misinformed or their health has changed. But they have a long record of lying to look like a victim, and it still stands that they guilt tripped me and cried to me and begged me to give them a substance they had told me would make them sick until I gave in to them. They have openly admitted to intentional automatic lying and see this as being to their benefit.

Despite claiming to be asexual now (they did not for the duration of our relationship), Zoe sexually harassed both my boyfriend and a close friend of mine who I won't name for their privacy. Zoe would send sexual messages to both and sent images and shared nsfw content with one of them without considering boundaries or discomfort of the recipient. They badly triggered my boyfriend and ruined their relationship with him by being predatory. I mention this because I don't want the label of asexual to make anyone think Zoe isn't fully capable of being sexually inappropriate with people. They have a short track record of it. After the incident with my boyfriend, Zoe told me that THEY felt like their heart was being broken and that my boyfriend had manipulated them by being triggered by Zoe's predation. They expected me to comfort them over this and I refused. The entire scenario was brought up to me vaguely with Zoe refusing to give details and trying to simultaneously act as if they were the worst person who'd ever existed and like they were the one being hurt and deserved pity and comfort for being inappropriate. Despite the polyamorous nature of our relationship, I do consider going behind my back to be sexual with my boyfriend to be cheating. Zoe has in the past been accused of cheating by their first ex. They maintain that they didn't, but knowing what I know now about their issues with boundaries, I'm not sure.

In May, I finally decided to try to confront Zoe about the ways they'd hurt me. I brought it up to them in the context of wanting to make them aware of the ways their behaviors could hurt others going forward. Zoe has always been at least outwardly very about doing better and believing people about trauma and trying to fix your mistakes (yes, I realize how stupid I was to believe this now). I thought they would be open to listening to me so they could try to avoid hurting someone else the way I felt hurt. The way this conversation ended up going gutted me worse than anything else has with them. Worse than being told I'd never be good enough. Because it was like the person I knew was just completely gone and I didn't know them at all anymore. 

I brought up the on and off flipping behavior, the emotional manipulation, I provided a screencap of the conversation where they backed me into a corner about needing to figure out how to house them as an example. They responded by telling me I misunderstood the conversation and should've just apologized to them more and been nicer so they wouldn't feel like I didn't care (again, I'd been sobbing uncontrollably and could barely type responses which were mostly "stop", "I'm sorry"). Zoe refused to listen to me about my own trauma. They shut me down. The conversation ended with them telling me I was making them too angry and they'd be back later. They ignored me for four days and, I found out later, uninstalled discord completely to avoid having to read my messages. Instead of having a real-time conversation where we could actually hash things out and I could feel heard if not understood, I resorted to typing up all of my feelings in one message, telling them this was the last I'd be speaking to them because I couldn't keep torturing myself thinking we could be friends, and sent it. 

They replied to me via Twitter days later with a non-apology about how I just don't understand what it's like to have DID and telling me that they don't spend any time thinking about me or what they did to me because they are just so sick that they can't manage it.

This broke me, completely.

Figuring all of this out has been an ongoing process. I truly believed our relationship to be healthy until I began examining things while trying to heal, and realizing the wound just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper. It's been months now since we've spoken and I still can't process everything. I am constantly remembering more fucked up things they said or did to me or my friends. I don't feel like I need to document all of it, especially since it spans such a long time, I only need to give examples of repeated problem behaviors they have given no indication of changing. 

They are gaining a sizeable following on tiktok and that's what scares me. They are so manipulative and cruel and blind to other people's emotions or boundaries. They are self-important and refuse to be told that they're wrong about anything. They will do whatever they can in order to look blameless and innocent. They now claim an identity of self-actualization and I've seen a video where they try to posit that my life is "going poorly" because I don't believe in their religion and listen to a specific podcast about debunking pseudoscience. This is funnier than it is upsetting until you realize it's the same "your life sucks because you don't have the same belief system as me" argument Christians use constantly. Zoe made this statement knowing the trauma I went through regarding religion in childhood. So thanks for that one. It's minor comparatively but it's incredibly tone-deaf and a great example of their eagerness to seem like others are beneath them for arbitrary reasons. 

Zoe does not, as far as I know, have friends, really. All of mine dropped them once they realized what a manipulative person they are. But just knowing they are on a public platform worries me. I am an adult who has been severely traumatized repeatedly and I still fell into their trap. I don't want to think about what they could do if teens or otherwise more impressionable people came to be around them. They are big into social justice and try to seem harmless and allied with minorities to seem even less dangerous, but they absolutely are toxic and unable to acknowledge their wrongdoings in any real way. The last they told me, they were isolating themself to work on things. I don't know if this is true and I have no way of knowing.

I want to end this with self-accountability. I was not and am not perfect. When my relationship with Zoe began, I had just gotten out of an extremely traumatizing situation. I had acute severe dissociative episodes as well as hallucinations and very unstable mood in general as I was adjusting back to being in a safe(r) environment than I had been for the past year. I acted out and lashed out a lot. All of this was apologized for in the best way that I knew how and I have done my best to change my behavior going forward. I consider myself to be in a much better space now mentally. I am always willing to work on problem behavior as long as I'm made aware it exists. There are things I did wrong in this relationship, and I've thought a lot about it, questioning myself and catching myself in old ways of thinking to correct myself now in all of my relationships. I didn't write this to pretend like I did nothing wrong. I am not innocent. But not being innocent doesn't mean these things didn't happen to me, or that they couldn't happen to someone else if I don't at least try to warn people. 

Please don't message Zoe and definitely don't try to argue with them. Just don't engage with them. They've been given a chance to address their behavior maturely and they turned it down in favor of continuing to play the victim in public. Anyone trying to instigate anything with them is just going to give them more fuel to act that way. 

I have already been treated like a liar for some of this information or had people believe Zoe over me on whatever accusations they'd like to make about me. That's been damaging but there's nothing I can really do about it. I'm open to answering any questions but I'm also going to ask that if you do message me about this, please be civil about it. I'm putting myself in a vulnerable place by writing all of this and I am already scared of the outcome. But I routinely convince myself that I'm making things up because of the nature of being gaslit so much. So I needed a written record of that even if Zoe doesn't like it. 

If you read this, thank you. I've been internalizing a lot of things. Getting my experiences out somewhere concise will hopefully help my healing process. 

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hey, so i had this best friend that I’ve had for years. Pretty good relationship. There was always this thing having to do with accountability and acknowledgment. She almost would never own up to some of the shit she said or did; or sometime would lie and said she did so. When I would call her out on it she would claim I was being rude or mean. (which I usually never am unless, I have a reason to be) Lately, I addressed her on a pretty serious topic that had me pretty upset. Someone in my family past, and she never said anything about their passing. My best friend, not saying anything, about a member of my family dying. It was a betrayal. I was livid. I also found out she was going through so craziness, so I suppressed my rage and I was there for her. Bottling my rage wasn’t a good thing, because believe it or not it was in bottled by a series of TikTok videos.

I don’t have TikTok, rn. I’m doing too much to be on it, so from time to time she would send me these videos. Sometimes I would watch them. Sometimes I won’t. When I didn’t watch them is when she sent me them when my family member past, and she kept sensed me TikTok videos instead of acknowledging their passing. I ignored her for two weeks hoping she would get it, and also so I wouldn’t yell at her. But then. When I was at work, :bing: another TikTok video. I decided to watch one on my break. It was funny. so i reacted. She then responded, “You know it was really hurting my feelings that you weren’t watching the TikToks that I sent”. So I calmly asked her. “ why do you feel the need to send me TikTok videos all the time”? “It’s how I connect with the people I love. I only share them two people.”

Ugh, my god. I told exactly how I felt down to the TikTok videos and how it basically triggered me back to feeling betrayed on top of me grieving. She never acknowledged anything by leaving me on read (but I sent audio messages). Making me feel that what I was feeling was important to her. What makes matters worse is now she has Covid, so I wanted to ask 1, how is she? 2. How’s her fam- cuz they got it too. 3. where we at? I didn’t think there was anything wrong by me asking, because she posts a lot on social media. And adding to the post. So, I thought it would be okay. idk maybe it was selfish of me. I’m stressed because this is how it usually is. But it’s never been this intense of a situation.

She and I met each other almost 14 years ago. We both have the same type of diagnosis. We’ve both been in and out the hospital. She’s a independent business owner. I’m an artist. But I don’t know what to do at this point.

Ps sorry this is a long story. any advice would be great.

there’s so much tension and stress in your friendship at the moment, if I could I’d give you the biggest hug. for what it’s worth? end the friendship, walk away because it’s not worth it anymore. 

not everyone has a caring or empathetic personality, not everyone knows the right thing to say in situations of distress. and that’s ok! we’re all different unique people, we all have different personality traits, good and bad. but your friend is being so self centred, egotistical and rude, it’s completely inexcusable (especially when you’ve known each other for 14 yrs!). I don’t think you’re being selfish at all, and I feel like you have every right to ask “where we at” because her actions aren’t very indicative of a friendship or someone who cares about you. 

if you really want to try and save this friendship? you could try talking to her and letting her know all that you’ve told us here -- that you feel neglected and ignored, that you feel insulted over the fact that she makes a big deal over you not seeing her tiktok links but won’t comfort you over the death of a family member, that right now the friendship feels unbalanced and you don’t feel supported. let her know that you do care and you’re telling her this because you want to fix things and to stay friends? but that things do need to change, that she needs to acknowledge that her actions (ie. ignoring your situation with the passing of a family member, not being there for you) hurt and that an apology would mean a lot. 

if you don’t want to do that, then let the friendship go. accept that it’s come to an end, that not all friendships last. knowing someone for a long time isn’t a good enough reason to stay friends! I ended a friendship with someone some time ago because it had turned toxic and negative, we’d been friends for over 9 yrs but honestly it wasn’t worth it anymore. you deserve to have friends who care about you (and who show that!), and who support you and are there for you. if this person can’t do that then it’s time to move on, and focus your energy on others instead. 

you have every right to be mad and upset about this whole situation, I’m mad on your behalf! what you do now is up to you -- if you want to try and save the friendship then you can, but it’s ok to end it too. think about what you want and what is going to make you happy, think about whether this is truly a healthy and wholesome friendship. good luck xxx

- tash

[canvas-the-florist]

No Time Like the Present (3)

Pairing(s): Romantic Roceit, QPR Intrulogical, Sleepmas

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Swearing, harassment, assassination, neglectful parents (?), homophobia mention, fire

Summary: Roman and Virgil have a bonding moment, Dolos discovers something that shouldn't be as surprising as it is, and history gets a vibe check with hindsight.

-

Roman had only been awake for three minutes and he already knew it was too early. The stress had been getting to him, and on the long way to the palace, he had only gotten three hours of sleep in the past week. Usually, he’d sleep in and cuddle into Dolos, but that wasn’t really an option. Even when he’d do expeditions alone, Roman at least knew that his love was safe at home. This wasn’t exactly a good week for him as he knew the sun wasn’t even up yet.

He sighed dramatically and stood up to stretch. Deciding to spend his time wisely so everyone could leave the moment they woke up, he fed the horses, checked around the area for any trouble, and started the hunt for food. Now, they brought food, and Roman knew this, but he had been so bored lately now that his days had an extra six hours. So this meant, he’d roughly remember everything Patton has said about scavenging and try to mimic everything Virgil has done regarding hunting. It didn’t go to plan as he wished but at least he hasn’t gotten severely injured yet, as he was still recovering from that one asshole.

Unfortunately, his brain couldn’t help but drift to Dolos. What if they were all too late? What if he gets hurt in a way he never recovers? Is this how Dolos feels whenever Roman travels out of town? He travels a l o t and he had almost always had to get patched up by the end of it. The guilt started growing as he realized that he and his boyfriend had switched roles. A little ‘I told you so’ at the end of this entire fiasco was definitely in order and Roman would accept it gracefully. He breathed in to keep himself from freaking out. He and Dolos would both get out of this alive, and it’ll be okay. But why couldn’t he bring himself to believe it?

“What the fuck are you doing up so fucking early?”

“Shut up, Virgil, you’re going to wake up Patton and you know he’s a light sleeper,” Roman said huffing slightly at the end of his sentence. Even though he had been up for hours, it was still way too early for any actual communication. “Besides, I know you like sleeping in so what woke you?”

Virgil gave a small grin and shrugged, extending his arms to invite a hug. “I can sense anxiety from 20 feet away so I thought I’d comfort you.”

“Sounds fake but okay.” Roman scoffed, accepting the hug with a small laugh. “Though it is mighty suspicious that I have woken up before you, and you have shown on multiple accounts to not sleep like,,, at all.”

Virgil shoved Roman out of the hug and punched his shoulder. A little unnecessary, but that was what basically defined their friendship at that point. Some melodramatic bickering and practically acting like they hate each other even if they would kill for one another. Though, if this were to be brought up, the two would immediately argue this, as if it was something the world wasn’t allowed to know. Logan and Patton found it ridiculous but Remus found it hilarious that they can act so stupid. Eventually, the others woke up to the two lightly bantering. The sun was up at that point and it was decided they should PROBABLY leave to finish their plan.

“Guuuysss, our horses will probably kick us if we don’t get going!” Patton called.

Roman shook his head with a tired but genuine laugh; hopefully, that laugh would be shared with Dolos soon. He ran back to the campsite, ready to leave as soon as he could.

-

After Dolos was told the plan he was half-convinced it would work.

I mean if you heard any plans about overthrowing your current government with 30 or so people, you’d be skeptical too, right? You wouldn’t just believe everything off the bat. Remy and Magenta shared a house and gave Dolos the guest bed. They weren’t together nor would they ever which was totally fine and Dolos didn’t even ask or hint at something like that when Magenta told him. He was assuming that one of them or both were in separate relationships or so.

It was late at night or early morning and he still hadn’t slept. He was under the blankets, all warm and cozy, but actually getting rest? Who did you take him for? He hardly ever slept when Roman was on his trips, but actually having an adventure for himself? That shit is scary. Dolos sighed and turned to his hide to cradle a pillow in his arms. He hugged it close to his chest, forcing his eyes closed as he imagined that he was safe and sound at home with Roman and his plants. He was so sleep deprived he could almost feel his loved one’s arms around his waist.

Unfortunately, it only lasted about twenty minutes before the sun came up, forcing Dolos to get up as the light hit his pillow and face immediately. He frowned and rubbed his eyes. This wasn’t exactly what he had in mind as a vacation at any rate. First of all, he would’ve preferred to have his boyfriend.

While he walked out to the commons of the household he noticed the lack of everyone else. Did they get curtains for every room in the house but his? Classic. He was tired and more than 75% convinced that being cursed to turn half-snake made him cold-blooded as well.

Dolos wrapped his arms around himself, giving himself a small hug and warmth as he curled up in the recliner. Roman would probably tease him on how he can fit so perfectly wrapped in a ball on a chair. This caused him to accidentally drop one of his legs which he didn’t have the reaction time to pull up again. His foot hit the floor and Dolos hissed in pain, attempting not to wake anyone up.

“Well, this is going perfectly.” He muttered to himself angrily, slowly falling off of the chair and slumping to the ground. “Just absolutely splendid. No setbacks at all.”

“Saying synonyms to what you want to believe is true probably isn’t going to work, babe.” Dolos turned around and saw Remy, coffee and all. It’s like he couldn’t be seen without caffeine. He let an exaggerated sigh after taking in the fake that another person was awake, especially that person being Remy. He rolled his eyes in response. “Gurl, calm down, this is my house after all. Strange how I come here sometimes.”

He didn’t bother to respond verbally and slid slowly off of the chair onto the ground so Dolos wouldn’t have to look at his face. It was a bit childish but he was too sleep-deprived to care about that much. He just wanted to hug his boyfriend and let him know that he was alright. Hopefully, he wasn’t doing anything stupid… Ugh, the sooner he helped this ragtag team overthrow the king, the earlier he could get a new home with Roman. If it took actually cooperating with people, maybe the snake would consider it. He let out another sigh and stood up.

“So, what can I do to help your side of the rebellion?”

“About fucking time you gave some enthusiasm.”

-

Thomas tucked his pocket watch back into his jacket for about the fifth time before the queen came in. He was incredibly nervous because he had to actually talk to his father and without Joan around, he didn’t want to mess up and put anyone in jeopardy. Unfortunately for him, his mother had the pleasure of telling him that his father was too busy. Because of course, why would anyone want time with their son? He wasn’t salty at all thanks for asking.

With a sigh, Thomas decided that he was definitely sneaking out again to see Remy and hear about the plans. The more his father ignored him, the more he wanted to rebel. So, once night fell, he put on his cloak and peasant clothing to walk into the streets. It was nightfall at this point and he blended into the point he felt like he let out a breath he seemed to have held for an entire day. Even with being a prince, he never really thinks of himself as one. Yes, he’s grateful for his privilege but he tried not to expect everyone to treat him with that privilege.

It was a hazy afternoon and he opened the door, closing it behind him swiftly. The door closed louder than he thought it would and he heard a loud thud along with a long string of swears. It wasn’t a voice he recognized so he decided to assume it was that Deceit fellow. Even so, Thomas placed his hand on the hilt of his dagger and slowly walked to the living room to see a person on the floor, clutching their feet.

“Are you okay?”

“Perfectly peachy, this definitely isn’t the second time this happened to me today.” Ah, this person can possibly be a threat then. Too clumsy to be an actual criminal. “So are you that prince dude the coffee addicted bitch won’t stop talking about?”

Thomas shook his head. “First of all, no swearing. Second of all, yes, I think?”

“Of course. At least I know that you’re sort of trustworthy.” The man said, standing up and avoiding wincing. Thomas came to the realization that this was supposedly the masterful witch that could destroy the king? Hmmm, okayyy. “Anyways, dipstick, I heard the plan. It might suck ass but I think with a couple of knuckleheads like you, y’all have a chance.”

Without even digesting the sentence, one thing came to the prince’s mind. “Y’all? I have no idea what you’re saying to me.”

Deceit laughed and punched his shoulder, causing Thomas to grab it and yelp in alarm. He was just met with another snicker, which turned grim. “Look, sorry for punching your fragile noodle arms, but you need a better plan with more or fewer people. At this stage of planning, Y’ALL won’t be able to overthrow the king. I know Remy doesn’t want me to change the outline and I respect that, but sometimes force is a dumb fucking thing to do. Since you’re dating him or whatever, and probably smarter let’s be real, you need to tell him! We aren’t going to be able to go at night with clanky weapons and shit like that! You need a more cohesive plan!”

“Well, shit,” Thomas breathed.

“Swearing,” Deceit tutted with a smirk.

Thomas punched him, similar to how he was hit just earlier. Deceit fell from his force, accidentally setting his hair on fire. Both of them stared at each other for a moment. Neither of them noticed Remy had showed up until he poured his coffee on top of the fire. The two standing helped him stand up, as he was too shocked to react. He looked at his hands, managing to make a flame grow above his finger. Deceit blew it out and made eye contact with Remy.

“I think I’m actually a fucking witch then.” He looked up, imagining how Roman would react to this. “Well, that makes a lot more sense than being a pyromaniac as a child… Huh…”

-

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! Roman stared at his broken sword. He was supposed to be the knight in shining armor for his love, not breaking the one thing he knew how to use properly. Hell, he couldn’t hold a bow right. This was his favorite sword too. He dropped his head on the horse's neck and sighed. Roman thought himself as an idiot at this moment.

“Yep, that sword looks done for.” Patton declared, patting Roman’s back in sympathy.

“Thanks, Patton,” He replied with a sigh.

“We could always gain possession of another sword. One in better shape.” Logan stated, picking up the pieces and stuffing them into his backpack. They couldn’t leave any traces of themselves behind, even if a broken blade was incredibly useless at the moment. “Furthermore, we have reached our destination. Erytol is two hours and three minutes away if we keep at this current pace without distraction.”

Virgil stretched his back and it cracked loudly. “Since when have we kept from being distracted?” He asked with a chuckle. “Besides, we’re going to have to wait until dark before we should even bother walking in. Even Patton got banned from this city, right?”

Patton nodded while Remus laughed at him. “I think I mentioned something about gay people? Weird because I don’t even have romantic attraction.”

The group sighed at the sound of homophobia. You know the city is bad when even Patton managed to get banned from it. Continuing on, they eventually decided to stop their conversation and travel as promptly as they could. They hid in their average cloaks and prepared for their least favorite city. Erytol. This place was annoying because it had the castle, which meant that more guards and stuff were stationed there. Yet, it was filled with lots of plans to overthrow the king, though a lot of them were never attempted or fell flat. This time it would be better. Because the gays were angry and wanted to fight.

And they were going to beat the shit out of their opponents.

-

When Dolos was a child, around seven years old, he wasn’t allowed outside. He was known as the destructive kid that would be a bad influence on yours. Dolos had once set fire to an entire house and his parents quickly moved away from that town. He wasn’t the son his father or mother could be proud of so he was taken out of the public eye. At least, that’s what he thought for the longest time.

Dolos had grown to despise his parents for being forced to hide. Sure, their intentions seemed good! Their child wouldn’t stop setting fires and at the time he was twelve, this was pushed aside as a wild boy with pyromania. So, he was feared. He had no friends or anything. Eventually, Dolos chilled out and learned to handle things on his own. He bandaged his own wounds and fought his own battles. When he WAS let out, his parents made him wear a hood over his head so the neighbors wouldn’t recognize him. But one day, he met someone that could be considered a friend. Remus.

He was a boy just a year older than himself. An unruly personality. Perhaps one comparable to a wild pyromaniac?

So, a friend! A friend that was a twin that could also be a friend! But, Dolos wasn’t supposed to be outside or talk to others. But… he finally had friends… Doesn’t that mean something? His parents should at least respect that, right? They didn’t. He was told to remain quiet and go home immediately. As Dolos was walking away in shame, he turned and saw confusion and hurt in Remus’s eyes. He softened and fought against his want to cry. If he wasn’t allowed to be friends, he would just have to break the rules.

Roman and Remus were kind. They didn’t ask questions when Dolos knocked on their window at one AM. Perhaps they were too tired or suspected something about his family life. Dolos had run away at age fourteen. He lived with Remus and Roman at their orphanage. It was a refuge for him. He was able to talk to other children and have friends! But not all were ups. The food was horrible and most of the kids were even worse. Dolos would go into his shared bedroom with bruises he would treat himself after treating Remus. Roman was the only one who evaded bullying, by appearing so confident, no one dared to mess with him.

No matter how strong the three got, it was agreed to run away after a year. They ended up in Klanbou, the self-declared “most dangerous city in the continent!” by its citizens. That’s when the three worked together smuggling pixie dust through cities, Remus and Dolos also taking up part-time assassins. They all took up code names to remain secret and eventually met a young man named Virgil under extremely unlucky circumstances. Dolos never mentioned his pyromania to anyone and always kept some form of water on him at all times. Not to keep him hydrated, but to hope it would all stop. Eventually, at least. He never considered himself to be a witch, he didn’t realize the qualifications of magic at the time.

At least, until he had turned 22, and encountered a drunk wizard when he was in the middle of working out his plan for a random politician. The wizard was attempting to flirt with Dolos and as he told him kindly to “Fuck off” and to leave him alone… The wizard got upset. And slapped him.

Dolos stood up to yell at the wizard only to find the left of his face in excruciating pain. He had fallen to the floor, feeling cold hard scales sprouting off his face. The wizard gave him one last kick before leaving the bar. Roman ran after him, leaving Dolos alone. And as he was, he heard the earl of the town ban him publicly. In front of almost the whole contents of Klanbou, the city of criminals. People yelled and called him a witch.

As he was about to be chased out, his eyes darken. “I’ll give you witch,” he hissed, touching the building. The pyromaniac tendencies must’ve kicked in because Dolos created fire without knowing how, and walked out with Roman helping to carry Dolos’s weight. If Klanbou wouldn’t hold them, they might as well give them a legitimate reason not to. And burning the bar seemed appropriate at the time. Though, this meant the two would need somewhere new to live, and a cottage in the woods sounded pretty nice.

taglist:  @azure-shard @bookwyrminspiration @snakeboicouldbegayer

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

BTS after a breakup

Part 2 of 3

Hyung Line

Part 2 of 3, titled This is Still So Angsty I'm Sorry

Alternate Title: Salty Bois in Their Feelings

Alternate Title 2: The Mystery of Why Any Bitch Would Break Up With J-Hope Continues

Warnings: alcohol, angst

Word Count: 3,160

Namjoon (RM)

After a month, Namjoon felt a little better

He missed you like crazy and continued to send you texts every week, but the subject matter brightened a little

He limits himself to only looking at your social media once a day, but other than a couple selfies, you have never posted much so it's a moot point except he gets to see your pretty face

He will be completely silent about the situation won't say shit about you and the boys will avoid saying your name because of the look on your face when he hears it

He drinks too much wine at dinner but he's still on top of everything

Won't ever text you unless it's that one day a week, and he spills out everything

He thinks he's doing better he's proud about his progress

Until he is cleaning the bedroom and he finds a book you were reading under the bed

It's dog-eared in the place where you'll never finish it

Bc you left it here just like you left him

He has a mini breakdown over it but manages to try and get some work done

As soon as he opens his internet browser, he knows it's just gonna be a shit day

He sees his name in the headlines

"Rap Monster Kim Namjoon's Ex and Her New Man?"

He doesn't wanna know, but he can't stop himself from clicking on it

He knows the blurry picture is you because he'd know you anywhere

It isn't as if you're all over the guy or anything, but there's a close up of you holding hands and Namjoon feels like he's been punched in the throat

The thing that really gets him though

Is that he's an idol, too

A leader, even, and Namjoon can't help feeling replaced

The reason you left, the whole issue was because he didn't have time for you but you're moving on with another idol?

It made him think it was him, not the time, that you just didn't want him

Jin calls right away to check on him

"You know how the media is, Joon. It doesn't mean anything."

He's right, of course, but when Namjoon lies down to try and sleep, the image of your hand clasped with that guy's haunts him

He texts you just one sentence that week

"I hope he makes you happy."

You call him and Namjoon is so shook he almost drops his phone

"Y/n?"

"I just want you to know that it isn't what you think."

"I guess it isn't my business anymore." He says, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice

"I don't want you thinking..."

"What? That it wasn't the lifestyle you couldn't handle? That you just didn't want me?" He can't help the angry tears that spring to his eyes

"I never wanted anything as much as I wanted you, Joonie."

He doesn't miss that you're using the past tense.

"I mean it, you know. I hope he makes you happy." He does mean it. He always wants you to be happy

"He's just my friend, Joonie. I would never-"

He closes his eyes against the tears burning behind his lids. He doesn't want to hear you lie to him to protect his feelings

"Yeah, ok. He's a big guy, he can protect you from the paparazzi at least."

There was plenty of photos of that, too, of Hyunwoo with one big arm around you, shielding you from the cameras

"Joon, don't-"

"I miss you," he cuts you off

"I miss you, too."

Neither of you hang up for a long time, just longing for everything to go back to the way it was

Jin

Jin is absolutely not handling this well

He talks about you constantly, asking everyone for advice and boys get so tired of hearing your name jfc

Skips dance practice every other time to move around the house

Flips through your social media pics together several times a day and gets real emo

He's got a new phone and he makes your picture his lockscreen

Cannot stop drinking wine and reading articles with theories about you and your new boo

Gets tipsy and talks shit about Changkyun in troll accounts on YouTube he's that petty

Reads too many articles about Changkyun being a huge flirt and fuckboi and gets way too drunk because it makes him imagine how he is seducing you

Always on your social media acting like he doesn't give a fuck (he gives many fucks)

Likes your pictures of yourself out with Changkyun, comments 👍

Slides in your dms when he sees you're active even though he knows you'll ignore him

Won't say boo to the media just shrugs them off

Jin knows you're staying at your sister's

Everyday he tells himself not to go over there

Not to embarrass himself

But since he's gotten a new phone he can tell himself that's why you're not calling

He sits at the coffee shop by her house every morning, hoping to get a glimpse of you

When he does, of course you're with that idiot

Jin wants the ground to open up and swallow him

Luckily he's wearing a ball cap and face mask

He can hear your voice

"Thank you for being here for me through all this."

Jin watches Changkyun take your hand and he has a fantasy of breaking his fingers one by one

"Jin is an idiot for letting someone like you go, y/n."

Oh boy

So much for not embarrassing himself

Jin rips off his face mask and stalks over to the two of you

"I never let her go. You took her!" He growled, and you stand up and push him out the door to talk

Changkyun peeps his head out to ask if you're ok and it takes every bit of Jin's will not to lunge at him

"Oh will you fuck off?"

He does, and you're looking at him with your chin jutted out and he knows you're mad but he wants to kiss you so badly

"Jin, what the fuck are you doing?"

"Having coffee. Alone. Since my girlfriend left me for some kid. How about you?"

He can't help the bitterness of his words

"Well, I'm having coffee with a friend because my boyfriend fucked someone else on tour."

"Y/n, I did NOT fuck her, or anyone else for that matter."

You scoffed. "Save it, Jin. You all but told me when you were drunk dialing me last week."

"I was shitfaced! Hello! What about that picture you sent me that made me destroy my new phone?"

You shrug. "Maybe I was trying to have some fun."

Jin tugged at his hair as if he wanted to pull it out. "Fun. Fun, you say. I'm going crazy here and you're out having fun."

"Whatever. You're single now, do what you want. I am." You know you're being petty but you don't believe him, after all the pictures, all the articles, the way he had almost apologized for it

You turn to go and he grabs your wrist, pulling you to him, looking fiercely down into your eyes

"This is just a fight we're having, Jagi, yeah? It's just a fight just like the time you went to lunch with your high school boyfriend and i was an idiot and you spent a week with your parents?"

He sounds so uncertain, voice shaky, and you just want to stop this and let him hold you

"You're not really fucking him, are you?"

You pull out of his arms, annoyed

It's not like he actually cares

His pride is hurt, fragile male ego, while you're heartbroken

"It's not cheating. I'm single now, I can do what I want."

"Don't play with me, sweetheart," he warns, eyes flashing

"Or what, Mr. Worldwide Handsome? You'll fuck some idiot girl? Too late. I'm not worried about it. I'm not even thinking about it."

"Of course you aren't, you don't think of me at all, do you?"

He's angry again and you know you're being cruel but you're hurt and angry and you can't help it

"You're right. You think I imagine it's your hands on me instead of his? I don't. He's so good I never think of you." You spit out the words like venom and Jin reacts as if it were, flinching, hurt evident on his handsome face

You leave him there, standing shellshocked on the sidewalk

Yoongi (Suga)

Yoongi feels better after a good night's rest that he finally gets the next night after Hobi makes him take an Ambien

Hobi is legitimately the only human on Earth that knows, Yoongi is confident you'll be back so he swears him to secrecy

Absolutely nothing changes on his social media just work stuff as usual you've changed your relationship status to single and that stings but he won't change his

Over the two years you'd been together of course you'd had spats

You had a flair for the dramatic, it was one of the things he loved you for

He was the quiet one and you were the social butterfly, outgoing and sweet, making up for what he lacked

You were right, after all, he had been distant, with the comeback album coming out in a month

He'd been neglecting you and you just needed some attention and for him to spoil you a bit

He sent two dozen pink roses to your best friend's house with a note reading "You know I love you, brat, so come back home, yeah?"

When you don't call him in 24 hours though, he gets worried

To get his mind off things he goes out for a few beers with Namjoon and Hobi

Afterward he finds himself walking to your best friend's house

He's surprised when you are the one answering the door

You're in a bathrobe with your hair in a messy bun like you do when you're applying makeup to go out

"I'm not ready yet, Chanyeol-" you say without looking and when you see Yoongi your breath catches in your throat

His eyes are puffy as if he's been crying or not sleeping, bleached hair messy

You look so beautiful that Yoongi wants to grab you and kiss you but your words are making doubt claw in his stomach

"Expecting someone else?"

He pushes past you before you can think and when he sees the bouquet of roses on the counter he thumbs one of the petals

You eye him warily

"Yoongi, are you drunk?"

"A little," he admits easily, looking you up and down. "I've been feeling pretty shitty since my girl walked out on me."

"Maybe you should've treated her better, then." You snap back

The corner of his mouth twitches. He loves it when you're sassy, but he feels uncertainty and jealousy rising in his chest

"Did you find someone to treat you better already, princess?" His voice is low, eyes flashing almost dangerously

It's kind of hot, really

But you're in shock at his accusation

"Wh.. what?"

"Chanyeol, was it? You must've met him while I was on tour. That's why you walked out over something so stupid, huh? Just an excuse." He reaches out to pluck another petal from the rose, and although his voice sounds eerily calm you can see his hand shaking

All of a sudden you're livid. After ignoring you for two weeks and calling you a brat via roses, he's really calling your concerns stupid and accusing you of cheating

"Get out." You say, voice shaking

He smirks at you bitterly. "Time for loverboy to show up? Aw, I wanted to stick around to see what the guy who's fucking my girl looks like."

His crude words pierce through you but before you can respond Chanyeol walks through the door unannounced.

"Hey, y/n, you ready?" He looks from you to Yoongi, bewildered

He takes a few steps toward you and then stops

Yoongi looks him over and then sets his jaw as if thinking for a moment

Then he lunges at the taller man, punching him square in the nose

You scream and try and yank Yoongi off of your best friend's live in boyfriend

He's already stopped, breathing hard

You go to Chanyeol who is gasping on the floor, blood all over the shirt he was wearing to take you and your bestie out since you were feeling sad

Yoongi looks down at you, looking miserable instead of angry

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Get out!" You scream, angry tears streaking down your face

Yoongi nods, and he goes, but not before he grabs the vase of roses with one hand and hurls it against the wall, glass shattering everywhere, making you scream out in surprise

He stomps out the door, stepping over Chanyeol as if he weren't there at all

Hoseok (J-Hope)

Deals with it in the healthiest manner of all the boys even though he legit has no idea why you left

Lets himself be sad, doesn't drink too much, just maybe overworks himself a little

Social media isn't an issue since you've never posted anything but memes and an occasional silly selfie

He goes through all the pictures in his phone though and gets emo

Gives you space

Hobi gives you a few days before he tries to reach you again

He could sense that you needed some time

He was hoping that was all you needed and then you would come home and explain things

You'd always been wary of expressing your negative feelings, knowing that Hoseok was such a positive person

You always said you didn't want to bring him down or stress him out

He wishes you had talked to him more

Wishes you had known that whatever was happening, he'd be by your side to work things out

When he calls, some guy answers, and it's not your brother's voice so he's shocked for a moment

The guy says hello a couple of times before he responds

"Um, is this y/n's phone?"

That was a stupid question since he was the one who paid your phone bill, but he was shook

"Yes. She's lying down because she isn't feeling so well. Can I take a message?"

Hobi doesn't miss that you must have deleted his contact name and that stings

"Just tell her Hoseok called?"

"Sure, man."

He hangs up and drums his hands on his knees, full of anxious energy

He's trying real hard not to jump to any conclusions

He's trying to be grateful that you have someone looking out for you, but he's internally screaming

Thankfully you call him back within the hour, before he can lose his mind completely

Tears spring to his eyes the second he hears your voice saying his name

"Sunshine!" He exclaims.

You can't help but smile at his nickname for you, even though you felt a lot darker than sunshine lately

"Hey, Hobi."

"Sunshine, what's going on? Where are you?" His voice sounds thick like he's about to cry and you hate it

"Don't worry about me. I'm just fine. I'm being well taken care of."

He's very quiet, and that's so unusual for him that you feel like you need to explain

"Jackson answered the phone for me. You know, my buddy from college?"

"Buddy" was an interesting term for an old college boyfriend, but Hobi was so grateful to talk to you he didn't complain

He'd met him, anyway, several times, and you were sure it would be awkward since you and Jackson had broken up a literal week before you met Hoseok

But Hobi was so sweet and not even remotely the jealous type and they'd actually gone out for beer and chicken a few times without you before BTS started the world tour

They were both rappers of course so you were sure they'd have plenty to talk about (they talked about you, mostly)

You knew hearing that it was Jackson would put his mind at ease

It did not

As much as Hobi did like Jackson he could see the way he looked at you with longing in his eyes

But it didn't matter because you were finally talking to him

"Sunshine, why did you leave me?"

"Oh, it's a long story. I just needed to get away for a while."

"I could've gone with you. It looks like you've moved out though, babe, I just wish you'd talk to me. When are you coming home?"

The silence on the line makes him feel a thousand miles away from you

"I...I don't know if I am."

His voice was choked with tears when he spoke again

"But...but why not? What did I do?"

"Nothing! Nothing, baby, you're perfect. It's me. It's all me. I can't...I can't be what you want anymore."

"You're everything I want. You're my sunshine, you know that."

You sigh

"That's just it. I can't be your sunshine anymore. I just have to be me for a while."

"Do you think I've been putting too much pressure on you? I know I talked about flying you out on tour but I just missed you so much-"

"I think I just need to move on, Hoseok."

You using his first name, not baby, not Hobi, was a bit shocking

"Move on? What does that mean?"

He hears a racket in the background

"I gotta go, babe. I'll call you next week, okay?"

"Next week? Sunshine, wait-"

You had already hung up

Hobi burst into Jin's apartment without announcing himself, knowing he left the door unlocked when he was home

Jin stopped mid bite of ramen

"Hyung, I need to talk to you."

Jin sat down his chopsticks carefully. "You hungry?"

After he all but forced Hobi to eat a little ramen, Jin asked, "Is it about y/n?

"Yes," Hobi said, squirming in his chair

"She won't me what's wrong, only that she needs time and needs to move on."

Jin, bad at hiding his facial expressions, winced

Hobi's heart sank

"What is it?"

"I don't know, bubs, but the only times I've ever heard that from a girl it's been bad news."

"How bad?"

Jin winced again. "Look, Hobi, I really don't know. Y/n has been going through some stuff lately..."

"She has? You've talked to her?"

"She called me a couple of times crying while we were on tour."

"What?! Crying? You didn't tell me?" He's all but yelling

"She begged me not to! She didn't tell me much, just that she had been in a bad place and she didn't want to worry you. I thought I talked her down, but maybe something is going on we don't know about."

Hobi started to cry and Jin hugged his friend

"I just don't know why she felt like she couldn't tell me, hyung."

Jin didn't have any answers for him, could only rub his back and hope you came clean soon

[lvlysnakes]

Why? [ Todoroki x reader ]

Warnings!: a lotta angst lol idk 

It was supposed to be your special day, the anniversary that would mark four years of your relationship with Shoto.

So why was he not here, at the restaurant you had texted him two hours prior to meet you at after he had finished patrolling the area? You had made sure that he had gotten the text, left him a small hear at the end so he would know it was important, and yet you got a simple:

Read 8:47

You sighed as you glanced one more time at your phone, situated in front of you as you stretched out in the luxurious chair that the restaurant had to offer. In the past two hours that had gone by, a waiter had come to ask if everything was alright.

You found it the only comfort you had at the moment, but you kept telling yourself that that Shoto was a busy pro hero, and that his father expected so much of him that sometimes his priorities outweighed you.

Countless times had you excused the behavior though, telling yourself the same thing every time. He was a pro hero, there was no way he could be neglecting you, he does everything perfectly and precisely! He knows that he loves you, he said so in the beginning of your relationship-

Wait.

The beginning? How long ago was that? It had been four years so... 

You gasped as your eyes opened wide in their sockets, tears slowly welled up as the familiar ringing in your ears made you come to your senses. Every anniversary that he had you waiting outside a random restaurant for, every birthday that he had forgotten, every movie night that he had excused with a late text, every text message that he had read and not responded to.

It was overwhelming, and it hit you hard as you came to realize that not only was Shoto taking advantage of you, your friends had warned you, too.

The evenings they spent with you alone without him, they told you that it was not normal for him to be excusing every one of your texts, or ignoring every request to spend time with him. You had laughed it off, calling them out for being too nosy or analytical.

They had been the ones right all along, you quickly texted Momo:

“Can you please pick me up at Joe’s”

You sniffled as you immediately saw the three dots familiarize themselves on the screen. something foreign when you’d text Shoto.

“Are you okay? He didn’t show up did he” She quickly replied with a sad face at the end.

“Yeah” You quickly texted back before shoving your phone in your pocket, you’d recognize her car once it pulled up, but you couldn’t deal with any “I told you so” messages right now.

You saw her car arrive after running out of the building, opening her door and slumping down in the passenger seat as she stared at you for a moment before gently pressing her foot on the gas.

“Do you want to-”

“Please, no.” You sighed as your tears began to slip down your cheeks.

Momo nodded and continued driving to your shared apartment with Shoto, she knew how to keep her distance, at least. You thought.

As you got out of her car, she looked up at you and into your eyes whilst handing you your bag, 

“Are you going to be okay, Y/N?” She pleaded with her eyes for some form of coherence before she left you alone to deal until you were ready.

You nodded and gave her a small smile as you took your bag from her hands. At least you could give her the solace you lacked during your time with Shoto, as you walked towards your complex where you knew he'd be on the couch on his laptop, you couldn't help reminiscing.

Thinking of the times when you first dated, he would gaze at you as if you were the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid eyes upon, Shoto would shower you with sweet nothings while whispering in your ear. Whether it be in bed or at the grocery store, he would give you lingering kisses across your cheek or lips, either one made your heart flutter exceptionally.

Months would pass, and you both would indulge in nighttimes of studying together as he rose to fame as a pro hero. He would go out to morning patrol with a lipstick stain on his cheek from the night previous with you, and he would often switch turns with you to do house chores so that you didn't feel as tired during the evenings he came back.

However, as the second year continued on, you would leave love notes on his desk as a form of endearment, and while he would leave them back to you with a small reactionary drawing he stopped doing so. You figured it was because he was busy, but then it became that he would bring up excuses to go out with others when you had plans already discussed.

He wouldn't participate in assisting you with the chores anymore, and so when you were finally finished with doing the laundry and cooking dinner, you smiled at him and asked to watch a movie. Every night you tried this routine, he would always refuse, but seeing him eat the food you made gave you some semblance of the nights you used to enjoy with him. Even if throughout the whole time his eyes were glued on the news plastered on his phone.

As you stopped your daydreaming, you realized you hadn't been intimate with Shoto since the second year of your relationship had passed. It had been too long, you would try and get into the mood, but he was never into it. 

So you stopped, you stopped attempting to seduce him and tried to ask him to spend time with you, but he refused it all the same, and now as you stood by your door and fiddled with your keys nervously, you wondered if he would care.

You wondered if he would even be there, as you previously told yourself, what if he just got up and left? You shuddered as you told yourself not to entertain that idea and rather accept whatever awaited you in the living room.

As you opened the door you uttered a small 

“Hello?”

No response, as always. You sighed as you looked at the small love note you left, with a special heart sticker you got from your workplaces adorning the middle, untouched.

“Shoto?” You let out a small whisper as you didn't want to wake him if he was asleep.

You heard a small grunt in response as your heart leaped, and you rushed to the couch seeing your boyfriend sitting in the same position you expected, typing away at the computer. Eyes locked onto the computer screen, as always.

“Shoto.” You tried to say again more firmly, however it came out more of an inquiry than you'd like.

He glared at you, obviously annoyed that you interrupted his work, and you gave another exasperated sigh at what you were about to utter.

Your tear stained cheeks wet once more with falling tears as you spoke your confession, but instead of it being one of love and your future with Shoto as you had wanted, you managed to utter out a small 

“I’m leaving, Shoto.”

He snapped his head up and looked at you with in incredulous look, obviously surprised, 

“Why?” He said as you saw his face morph into that of indifference, and that made your cheeks flush as your eyes welled up with more unshed tears. In an attempt to hide them from him, he saw you as weak when you cried, he had told you the third year of your relationship. 

And you had, of course, listened and stopped crying at everything he did to you. You wanted to punch yourself at the realization and how everything just now managed to become clear, how it had taken four years for you to hold him accountable.

“Shoto. Today was our anniversary for four years,” You chuckled as you wiped tears off with the back of your hand “a-and you didn't show up.”

You took a second to inhale and quickly spit out the rest that you had wanted to say after those years of neglect accumulating, 

“I can’t do this anymore, Shoto, I’m sorry. I’m so, very sorry.” You choked out a sob in front of him, it felt so good to cry once more, it felt so good to feel anything but shame when you had vulnerability in front of him without caring or knowing if he was judging or not.

It felt good to finally see the old you, the one that was loved by Shoto, the one that he didn't ignore, the one that he didn't neglect.

It felt good to be free, to be yourself again.

You quickly gripped your bag tighter and went to your room, beginning to pack. You'd call Momo tomorrow and tell her what happened, asking for some save place to stay until you got yourself a new apartment.

That night, as you went to sleep, all you could think of was until the end, Shotoi had stayed silent. He had stayed dormant, he hadn��t gotten sad or angry or anything in-between. He had been the same pro hero in real life that he was on the television, that mask of indifference and silence wasn't a facade, you whimpered out more cries.

Your eyes shut as you felt yourself slowly descend into a slumber induced by your tears.

That morning, you had woken up long before Shoto had morning patrol, and left to go to Momo.

Little did you know, while you and Momo were hugging and watching movies to subside the thoughts of him, Shoto was reading the love note you wrote for him the morning of your apparent anniversary.

His eyes widened at the small hearts surrounding the words written, and your final words in the love note being:

I’ll see you soon at Joe’s! Remember, where you took me a while ago to confess your love? Lol you probably don't, but I love your forgetful self enough to remember for the both of us! <3

He covered his mouth with his hand, has she been doing this since- since? How long has it been? He stammered out a small “Oh my god” before laying on the couch and pressing the note to his chest, closing his eyes, and allowing himself to smell and remember you, and everything you had done for him.

He stopped reading the notes, he stopped listening to your texts, he started making excuses. He thought it was fine, thought that he would get to you someday and you would have all the time in the world to hang out, but you- you thought different?

No, of course you did, of course you thought different. You weren't some toy to play with, you were his girlfriend of four years. Ex girlfriend? Whatever.

He had been terrible, and now there was no going back, as Shoto laid there with his eyes shut and his hands holding the note so tight he thought it was going to fold inwards.

[lavenderlattaes]

pink sticky note. | kim taehyung

⇒ summary: maybe all you ever really needed to get through a tiring day was a pink sticky note, a janitor’s closet, and a certain boyfriend named Kim Taehyung.

⇒ [high school! au]

⇒ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

⇒ word count: 2.3k words

⇒ genre: fluff

⇒ warnings: the cliché making out in a janitor’s closet lmao

⇒ note: hello, this has been sitting in my docs for weeks now, i almost forgot about it lol. ignore mistakes bc im a bit of a blind bat and enjoy! ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

You moved from room to room, checking in with the class Presidents, giving instructions and answering questions from the teachers with a tired smile on your face. The school’s biggest event — which was the school’s foundation anniversary — was set to happen in a week, and you were running around, getting things done before Friday rolled around.

It was currently 8:15 am on a Monday and while you would much rather want to be in class, listening to your teacher talk about the history of the Joseon Dynasty, you couldn’t. You were the student council President, and along with the rest of the student council, you were all completing your assigned tasks for the event.

“Hey, Y/N, I came to check on the banners at the gymnasium, and Mr. Jung just told me it isn’t set to arrive until Thursday.” Your Vice President, Park Jimin runs up to you, slightly out of breath, his pink hair flopping messily.

You sigh and open your clipboard that was clutched tightly in your left arm, running your index finger over the program. You click the top of your sign pen and scribble a few notes beside the stage setup design. You close the clipboard and look up at Jimin.

“That’s okay, we can stay until after school to work on it. Tell Jeongguk to gather his committee after classes on Thursday to set the stage up. I’ll go inform Jihyo to prepare the letter for it.” You inform Jimin, sending him a slightly tired but positive smile.

“Preferably around what time? Classes end at 3:30 for the seniors,” Jimin replies. “Then can we start working on it by 3:45? They can have a quick break then start on it until around 7, maybe?” You ask, and Jimin nods.

Jimin was your best friend before he was your Vice President so he sends one back and steps closer to you, wrapping you in a tight hug in the middle of the hallway.

“We can get through this, Y/N. Don’t stress out on it too much,” Jimin whispers, stroking your hair gently. You hum and rub your hands up and down his back comfortingly. You both needed that extra comfort.

“Thanks, Jimin. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He pulls away from the hug, holding you at arm’s length as he smirks.

“You’d probably still be single.” He winks and you laugh at him, bidding each other good bye before he dashes off in the opposite direction.

Immediately your thoughts drift off to your boyfriend as Jimin turns around the corner and disappears. You smile and head on over to your locker to get your journal where you wrote down all your important appointments and things to do.

On your way there, your Treasurer, Nayeon stops you.

“Y/N! I just came from the accounting office and they just told me they can’t release the funds today, we’ll have to wait until Tuesday afternoon,” Nayeon informs you, sighing.

You frown and run a hand through your hair. “But, why? I thought everything was already settled.”

“That’s what I thought too, but apparently they don’t hand out the funds on Mondays,” Nayeon rolls her eyes.

You sigh tiredly. “Sometimes, I really hate this school.” You groan and Nayeon just laughs, soon making you laugh along with her. As much as you want to thrash around, there’s nothing you can do since the school’s pretty firm when it comes to their conditions.

“So what will we do about this?” Nayeon asks, going back to business mode.

You purse your lips in thought before nodding. “We’ll just use whatever funds we have for now, we can have it reimbursed later on,” you answer and Nayeon nods.

She steps closer and gives you a hug. “I have to go make a few calls with the booths that’ll be setting up next week. I’ll see you around, Y/N!” Nayeon runs off again and you shout out a ‘bye!’ after her.

You turn around and continue your walk to your locker, immediately punching your code in tiredly. You sigh and get your journal out, when a bright pink sticky note catches your eye on the front cover.

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion because you don’t remember putting it there the day before or earlier at all. You only usually did that when you have urgent matters to attend to and you’re in a rush that you don’t have time to open your journal.

A confused smile makes its way onto your face when you read the handwriting and realize it’s not yours. It’s your boyfriend’s.

hit me up when you’re free, i need to see ü. luv u babe(๑･̑◡･̑๑)

You giggle at the cute drawing, closing your locker shut. You take your phone out from the coat pocket of your uniform. You check the time and it’s only 8:30 am.

While you’d much rather go see your boyfriend, you still had to put the school over him right now. Taehyung can wait.

You check your clipboard and cross out the things you’ve already done. You still have a lot left to do. You take a quick glance at your phone lockscreen— it was a dorky pic of you and Taehyung when you first got together last year. Instantly, you’re filled with motivation and tell yourself to push through the entire day.

The hours fly by quickly and before you know it, it’s already around 3:30 pm. Most of your tasks for the day were done, and you only had an hour before school lets out.

You look down and see Taehyung’s sticky note still on the front cover of your journal. Scanning through your notes, you notice that you loaded yourself with too much tasks — some of it could’ve waited until tomorrow. Biting your lip, you decide to be a little bit selfish today.

You drop your stuff inside your locker and without a second thought — just so you don’t change your mind anymore, you take your phone out again and type out a message to Taehyung.

You: heeeey, I just finished my to-do list for today. Can we meet up? :3

Not long after you hit send, your phone beeps with Taehyung’s message.

my vantae♡: sure, im just developing a few more photos. im in the dark room :))

You: omw <3

my vantae♡: luv uuuuu

You: luv u too !

“You guys are so cheesy,” Jimin slings an arm around your shoulders and your throw your head back as you give him a side glance, glaring at him. Jimin pulls you with him and you start walking to the dark room.

“Oh shush, you’re the reason why we’re even together,” you jab his side with your finger and a laugh escapes from the adorable male beside you.

“So what are you lovebirds up to?” Jimin walks with you, looking over your shoulder to criticize your texts with Taehyung.

“I’m going to meet up with him in the dark room,” you lock your phone and put it back in your pocket as Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“Dark room, eh?” You bump your hip with his, catching him off guard with the force and making him stumble to the side, momentarily bringing you along with him. You groan at your best friend’s antics and he just laughs at your reaction.

“He probably wants me to take a look at the photos for the event next week,” you reason and Jimin nods, a weird look on his to tell you that he’s clearly unconvinced.

“I know Taehyung, Y/N. But, okay sure. I’ll leave you guys to it. I have to go meet up with the hyungs. I need to confirm their setlist for next week,” Jimin tells you.

Jimin was talking about the legendary alumni of your school — Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon. They were fairly huge now with their music, and you wanted to invite them back for the anniversary.

“Okay, let me know how it goes.” You smile at your best friend and Jimin gives you a side hug.

“Say hi to Taehyung for me!” Jimin dashes off, again, and you shake your head, smiling.

You continue your trip to the dark room, looking down at your uniform as you tried to smooth out the creases that got all crumpled up with you running around all day. You fix your blouse and in the middle of tucking it in nicely, someone pulls you to the side.

Suddenly all you can see is darkness and —

“Taehyung?” Your eyes adjust to the dark room and you can faintly smell dust in the air, making you realize where you were: in the janitor’s closet.

How cliché.

“Hey, Y/N,” his deep, playful voice fills your ears and a smile creeps up your face.

“I missed you all day,” you lean into him and you take in his musky scent and the warmth of his body. Taehyung wraps his arms around you in a tight hug and all the stress and exhaustion from the day’s activities leave your body in an instant.

“Well, you were busy and I didn’t want to interrupt you and add to your stress,” Taehyung answers, kissing the top of your head.

Guilt washes over you and you pull away from the hug to look at him. Well, try to.

You cup his cheek and he immediately leans in to your touch, gazing at you with such an intensity you’re scared to look away.

“I’m sorry for being such a bad girlfriend lately. I’ve been neglecting you for the past two weeks now,” you apologize, rubbing his cheek with your thumb gently.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I understand.” Taehyung smiles at you and he leans in, kissing you softly.

You respond to the kiss beforing answering, “No, listen, Tae. I should’ve given you more attention, I should’ve—”

He cuts you off with another kiss, longer this time and with more force. You can never resist Taehyung’s kisses, and soon your arms are crawling up his chest, where they soon rest on his shoulders.

When you both pull away, you’re out of breath. You try to make out your boyfriend’s face in the dark room; even in this darkness, you can still trace the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the curl of his eyelashes, and the oh, so perfect shape of his lips.

Without another word, Taehyung leans in again, knocking the wind out of your lungs when he presses his lips to yours in a needy kiss. Your hands come to connect behind the nape of his neck, loosely playing with the ends of his hair. Taehyung moves impossibly closer to you, pressing you against the door, trapping you with his arms on both sides of your head. His right leg pushes in between your legs so he can move closer.

Detaching his lips from yours, he makes his way down to your jaw, then to your neck where he presses feather-like kisses all over.

Your hands move up to his hair, and you soon feel Taehyung mark a spot just below your collarbone.

“Tae, people are gonna see,” you manage to let out, and he shakes his head, tickling your skin as he continues to kiss you. “It’s covered underneath your blouse and coat,” Taehyung murmurs and you can just sigh.

When he’s done, Taehyung goes back up and captures your lips in another kiss, nibbling your lower lip softly, asking for access. You give in, and your legs soon start to feel like jelly. Before your legs can give out underneath you, Taehyung wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

The room is dark, but with you in Taehyung’s arms like that, it’s never been so vibrant.

When he finally pulls away, you’re both breathing heavily. Licking your bruised lips, you ask, “What was that for?”

Taehyung cups your face with both hands, stroking the apples of your cheeks gently as he gazed down at you.

“I just missed you, that’s all,” he replies simply, and you smile at him. He smiles back.

“I’m sorry for being so busy, I just wanted everything to be perfect for the event,” you apologize yet again and Taehyung shakes his head.

“I understand, love. There’s no need for you to explain. You shouldn’t even be in this closet with me right now, yeah? You should be out there, doing stuff for the event,” Taehyung remarks and this time, it’s your turn to shake your head.

You stand up on your toes and plant a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.

“That can wait. Right now, I’m going to put the guy I love first.”

Taehyung giggles softly, kissing every spot on your face, making you smile. “Jimin’s going to tease you if he hears you.”

“He’s been teasing me since this morning,” you respond and Taehyung nuzzles his nose with yours.

“But I’m cool with it because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here with you,” you confess and Taehyung kisses you gently.

“I love you, my President.”

You give him a gentle smile and stepping away from you, Taehyung takes your hand in his, lacing your fingers together.

“Come on. As much as I love being here in this closet with you, it’s starting to tickle my nose,” he admits, making you giggle.

“Oh yeah, why are we here? Weren’t you supposed to be printing out some photos in the dark room?” You ask and Taehyung laughs sheepishly.

“I was done an hour ago.”

You slap his shoulder and he laughs. “Tae! Jimin knew this was going to happen,” you mutter.

“Well, that just proves he knows me too well,” Taehyung responds and you shake your head fondly, smiling at him.

“Let’s go get some ice cream, yeah?” You rub his knuckles softly.

Taehyung’s boxy smile graces his features. “I’m fine with anything, as long as it’s with you.”

Taehyung opens the door and light fills your eyes when you both step out.

“You’re cheesy, Kim Taehyung.”

“I know.”

⇒ let me know what you think or hmu with anything under the sun here!

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 21

A gentle tugging at my left nipple and a heavy but strangely soothing heat on my pelvis lifted me slowly from my slumber. I tried to open my eyes several times, first one, then the other, finally managing to coordinate and get both un-shut at the same time so I could actually see. The room was dim, the only light source the street lamps from outside, spilling in over the top and out from the sides of the curtains. I lifted my right arm, and it felt like I was moving through water. As my hand hit something solid and warm, the tugging at my nipple ceased and Tom’s face rose into view. I waved at him, fingers bending toward my wrist and thumb pointed out, as if I were a small child.

He smiled, voice hushed. “Hello, beautiful.”

I wiped the drool from my mouth with the back of my hand, speech still slurred from sleep. “Finished?”

His voice in my ear as he ground against me. “Actually, I’m just getting started.”

My legs moved as if they had a mind of their own, sliding out from under his, falling open and wrapping around his waist, ankles crossed and heels resting on his ass.

I tapped his shoulder. “Start you. Now. Can.”

He chuckled, then moaned as he worked himself inside me, rooting deeper and deeper until I felt his balls nestled against my skin. His mouth found mine, kissing me until I could barely breathe. We pulled away from each other momentarily, then resumed, repeating the process as he rocked gently into me, undulating his hips. When I finally joined in the dance, he sped up slightly, pulling almost fully out and pushing back in, cock lingering to rub against my walls just enough to drive me mad with want, but not enough to make me come.

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, my words jumbled by more than just sleepiness. “Fast. Er. Faster. Hard. You.”

He shook his head and whispered. “Not yet.”

I whined, and he shifted, resting his weight on one arm as he moved the other so his hand could reach my mound. He rubbed the outer lips, circling with the base of his palm, smiling in the faint light as my whine morphed into a throaty grunt of pleasure. I lost track of time as he continued, his pace remaining the same, until he dipped his finger into my wetness and found my clit. My fingernails dug into his back as the orgasm washed over me, waves of pleasure starting at my core and rippling out to finally reach the tips of my fingers and toes, like a rock thrown into a still pond. He began thrusting hastily, rubbing my nub vigorously, mouth on mine once again, rhythmically sucking on my tongue. I felt his balls draw up, the only sound in the room him whimpering into my open mouth as he came. I moved my legs down so they were twined around his thighs for leverage and rode him until I climaxed again, this one short but so powerful that I bit into his shoulder to stop myself from crying out and waking everyone in the building.

He collapsed on top of me. “Worth waking up for?”

I nodded drowsily. “Yah. Betcha.”

I could feel him grinning against my chest, and he rose up on his elbows. “Maude?”

I patted his cheek. “Mmm.”

“You were very, very wet when I woke you. Soaking. Sopping, even. Were you, perchance, having naughty dreams?”

I grabbed his jaw and shook it as I nodded again. “You. Lestat. Hot. Too much sexy. May die if happens. Bastard.”

He laughed. “You are irresistibly adorable when you’re half asleep.” He lifted himself off me, got up and stood at the side of the bed, holding his hand out to me. “Bathroom?”

I grumbled at the prospect, but knew I should take care of business if I wanted to sleep well. He escorted me to the bowl, guided me as I sat, helped me off when I was done, then walked me back to bed.

“Here you are, my love. I’ll be right back.” He kissed my forehead and went back in to the bathroom. I squinted at the clock. It read 3:30. I meant to tell him I was impressed with his speed reading skills but was asleep again before he returned to me.

****************************************

All of our Tuesday was spent addressing things we’d either been neglecting or needed to take care of before we left the city on Friday. I found a full service laundry and dropped off our combined pile of clothes before we stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast, then found a real estate agent willing to meet us at the house immediately. After apologizing profusely for what she was about to endure within, we toured the property with her. Upon inspecting the garage, we discovered it was filled to the brim with boxes, and that the former servant’s quarters above it had been converted into a recording studio. There were more guitars, a drum set, keyboards…the works. The agent’s on the spot appraisal based on local comps was seven hundred and fifty thousand as is, with a tentative value of at least a million if I painted, changed out all the fixtures, and converted the kitchen/bar area back into a kitchen and dining room with either a classic or modern theme, depending upon my taste and aligned with the look I chose for the rest of the home. The recording studio might attract a buyer, but she thought it would be better if I took out all the equipment and billed it as ready to finish space, or, preferably, turn it back into an apartment. I asked about having someone come in to clean up and hold an estate sale on my behalf, explaining I couldn’t be there in person, and she said she had a company she preferred to work with and would forward their contact info later on in the day.

I phoned Barty and asked him to email the loan holder information and balance due to me, and when it arrived I phoned the company and advised I’d be paying it off at the end of the week. The customer service rep I spoke with promised to have all the remittance details to me no later than Thursday morning. It felt strange, the idea of owning a home I’d hated to be in, but I reminded myself I wouldn’t have to LIVE there because it was nothing more than an investment in my future.    

We picked up our laundry, and after that it was off to Dress Barn to find something to wear for the upcoming bullshit. There were plenty of little boutiques around, but, let’s face it, good luck finding something above a size six. I knew that I’d be able to find something in my size at Dress Barn, even it wasn’t a perfect match for my ‘personal style’.

Seeing Tom holding the pile of dresses I wanted to try on as we headed to the fitting rooms struck me as hilariously funny, and I whipped out my phone to take a picture. He made me take another, in which he rolled his eyes and appeared as exasperated as possible. I dared him to post it online, and as soon as his hands were free he put it on Tumblr. I had him edit it when I saw the finished product.

Greetings and Salutations, Followers.

Not being the sort to back down from a dare, here’s a photo of me graciously attending to the needs my social media manager while she scours the racks at Dress Barn. I have a sneaking suspicion that the sole purpose of her goading me into posting this is so she’s able to deduct her purchases as a business expense.

Edited to add…said social media manager would like me to inform you that the ‘ask box’ will be open at some point today for ten minutes. Please check back periodically so you don’t miss out on the opportunity to send in your question.

Enjoy the day!

Tom

I forced myself to say no when he asked if he could join me in the fitting room so he’d be present and accounted for if any other needs that required tending cropped up, leaving him dejected and standing alone outside the entrance next to the service desk. He was wearing his running shorts, a white T-shirt, blue baseball cap and his running shoes, and while I knew if anyone looked closely he’d be recognized, the place wasn’t terribly busy so I figured it would be fine as long as I moved at a reasonable pace.

There were ten dresses in the stall with me, five different styles in both size twelve and fourteen. Women’s clothing sizes are a source of endless frustration and full of fuckery…a twelve often fits like a ten for one style, or a fourteen for another. Completely impossible to tell until you try it on, and then begins the parade back and forth to the rack to find that style in the next size up or down. Men’s stuff is so much more straightforward…a medium shirt is a medium shirt. A thirty-six waist is a thirty six waist. Hence my penchant for doing all my casual clothes shopping in the fella section. My double D’s complicated matters as well, the bottom half of me always a ten or twelve, the top more often than not a fourteen, sometimes a sixteen. Fine when buying separates, but dresses were a foray into a nightmare of too tight here, too loose there, too long everywhere, too…what the fuck is this even? It always seemed to me that many plus size designers were under the impression that there’s a direct correlation between a woman’s girth and her height. Not so, morons. Not so. When we put on weight, we do NOT get taller, sorry to say.

Three of the styles went into the ‘hell no’ pile prior immediately, having made me either look like a sausage or a matron, but the other two had promise. One was a short-sleeved faux wrap design with a black skirt and a black and white geometric patterned top. The wrap part was asymmetrical at the waist, which was surprisingly slimming. I couldn’t even get the twelve past my chest, but the fourteen, though a little snug in that area, was comfortable everywhere else. I walked out to show Tom and found him taking selfies with two women, probably in their mid-forties. His attention shifted when he saw me, and they looked my way as well, waving and saying hi. They complimented my dress, thanked Tom for the photos and were on their way.

I smirked, shaking my head. “Christ, I leave you alone for five minutes and the ladies are all up in your business.”

He shrugged, a slight blush creeping up from under his shirt to his neck. “They were returning something and I heard them whispering to each other, trying to determine if it was actually possible that Tom Hiddleston was standing outside a Dress Barn fitting room in New Orleans. I couldn’t help but say hello.” He pointed at me. “That looks amazing on you, by the way.”

I grinned. “Nice segue, as always. Thanks. This one is Viewing Dress.  Number two, Funeral Dress, awaits. I will most likely never wear either of them ever again.”

Funeral Dress was actually kinda funky, a black cold shoulder design, exaggerated V-neck, loosely fitted with three-quarter sleeves and silver embellishments. The twelve fit perfectly, hem hanging at four inches or so above my knee. Tom was resting against the wall to the right of the doorframe when I stepped out of the fitting room, biting his lip when he turned and looked me up and down, then leaned over to bite the exposed portion of my right shoulder, whispering ‘I. Want. You.’ while pulling away.

He laughed evilly at my semi-suppressed moan. “Oh, I like this one much better.”

I raised my brows. “Gosh, me too. Maybe this one will make another appearance at some point after all.”

He resumed his duties as dress carrier while I searched for a pair of high heels, which were as foreign and unacceptable to me as pineapple on pizza. After trying on what seemed like a thousand of the blasted things, I settled on a sensible black velvet pair. The toe was roomy and not too pointy, and though the heel was ridiculously narrow and three inches high, I didn’t totter too badly in them. I chuckled when I caught sight of myself in a mirror, hair in a sloppy ponytail, X-files T-shirt, hiking shorts and then…ninety dollar heels. When I turned to point out my serious fashion fug to Tom, I noticed he’d sat down on a bench further down the aisle, the one I’d left my sandals under.

I waved. “Hola. Como esta?”

He met my gaze as he rested his hands on his knees. “Would it be too much trouble to ask you to walk towards me very, very slowly?”

I shook my head, put my hands on my hips and embraced my very first runway model moment as I strutted towards him. Midway through I burst out laughing and had to stop, bending over to catch my breath. He was in front of me in an instant, hands on my arms and setting me upright.

“Maude, do you have any idea…good Christ…the way your hips roll in those things is downright obscene.” He pulled me to him, cock hard against me in an unfamiliar spot.

I thrust my hips forward. “Oooh, man…I wish I was this tall all the time. It would be so much easier for you to fuck me standing up.” I stepped out of the heels and picked them up, walked to the bench, plopped down, then stuffed them back in their box as he stood there, mouth agape. I put my Birkis back on and stood, box tucked under my arm. “Let’s go, cowboy. Much to do and little time to do it in, as always.” He retrieved the dresses from where he’d left them hanging on the edge of one of the shelves, and obediently followed me to the checkout counters up front.

****************************************

Back at the hotel, we ordered in Chinese for lunch, scarfed half of it down and put the rest in the fridge for dinner, intending to spend the rest of the day working. We Skyped with Luke about the upcoming film festival schedule, then we took turns to chat with him individually. Simon kept sneaking behind him and making faces and obscene gestures until Luke kicked him out of the room. They were leaving for London early on the sixteenth, which reminded me that we hadn’t booked a flight for ourselves. I took care of it as soon as our session was over, then logged in to Tumblr and opened Tom’s ask box.

He was sprawled on the bed, already well into Interview with the Vampire. He’d mentioned the screenplay to Luke, who didn’t express an opinion either way, but Simon overheard and began screaming a combination of ‘OH MY FUCKING GOD!’, ‘MAUDE!’ and ‘YOU SNEAKY LITTLE MINX!’ over and over again in the background.

After ten minutes of me sitting at the desk while attempting to weed through the two hundred emails in my inbox, I closed the ask box and began reviewing questions. I deleted the vapid ones, of which there were many, which honestly surprised me, and focused on the ones that had required some thought and were not too personal.  

I cleared my throat to get Tom’s attention. Nada. I raised my leg and poked him with my toes. He jumped, startled, and grabbed my ankle as I tried to pull away.

My left eyebrow shot up. “Wow, I’m guessing you’re liking it, then?”

He nodded vigorously. “I’d like this to be the first book you put on the website, if that’s okay.”

“Sure thing, sunshine. Will you be doing a write up or shall we make a video? Have to get the camera out to make one to answer the Tumblr ask anyway, and you’re already in a white T-shirt…”

He grinned. “Sounds fine to me. Are we betting on the number of notes again?”

I crossed my arms. “No. I don’t want to break my winning streak. And you may be smiling, but I have a feeling you’re out for blood this time.”

“But Maude, I’m so gallant and chivalrous and sweet I would never…”

“Yeah. Fuck right off. Here’s the first question…I chose three. ‘What do you enjoy most about the filmmaking process?’”

He rubbed his jaw.

“Number two. ‘How did you manage to get so skinny to play Hank Williams?’”

He nodded.

“Number three. ‘Out of all the places you’ve travelled to, which is your very favorite?’”

He pointed at me. “That’s the one right there.”

My brow furrowed. “Seriously?”

He marked his place in the book, picked it up and nearly leapt off the bed. “Where are we doing this?”

I removed the video camera bag from my carry on. “How about in front of that awesome bamboo in the courtyard?”

“Perfect. You should bring the tripod.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

I sighed. “Fine. It’s in my suitcase. You can carry it.”

There was no one around when we got downstairs and went outside, so Tom set up the tripod smack in the middle of the path. The ceiling was slatted wood, the walls white, and the giant stalks of bamboo were set in an oval inside a square raised bed, grey gravel filling the non-mulched areas. Two planters sat on either side to the front of the bed, and behind it all were the beautifully aged original windows, the burnished brown wood golden in spots from weathering.

Tom wanted to do the book discussion first. He stood in the gravel, in the center of the raised bed, towards the front, book held with both hands in front of his chest. I gave him thumbs up and hit record.

“Hello there. Welcome to the first installment of Tom’s Library –What I’m Reading.” He held the book out toward the camera. “I hold here in my hands a story that was born right here in New Orleans, Louisiana, put to paper by the amazingly talented Anne Rice, whom I was fortunate enough to meet last evening over dinner. Interview with the Vampire, the initial title of the Vampire Chronicles series. This is my first time reading her work, I’m embarrassed to admit, and though I just delved in a few short hours ago I already find myself completely immersed in the world of Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis de Point du Lac. Her prose is poetic, gorgeous, dark and expressive and if I have my way I’ll be sitting in a corner with my nose firmly planted in this…” He held it up with one hand. “For the rest of the day. These are vampires as vampires were meant to be. My thanks to you, Anne, for dinner and for lending me your very own copy. I promise to return it unscathed.” He grinned and spread his hands, book clutched in the right one. “That’s all for now. I’m certain you’ll be hearing more about it from me sooner as opposed to later. Until next time, then.” He waved and I hit the record button again to stop filming.  

I applauded. “That was gold, Hiddleston. Gold. I don’t even need to edit it.”

He set the book down gently next to the tripod. “Shall we get right into the next one?”

“Yeah. It’s fucking hot out here. My sweat is sweating.”

He paused, looking down as he readied himself, raising his head and nodding when he was prepared to proceed. I hit the record button again.

“Greetings, Hiddlestoners, and all of you who follow me on Tumblr. Today’s question is from kneelbeforeloki1985zx - ‘Out of all the places you’ve travelled to, which is your very favorite?’ Previously, I’ve always found that one impossible to answer, but now…it’s simple. The island of Kaua’i. I just spent the two most incredible weeks of my life there. There’s beautiful scenery wherever you go, the ocean is an impossible shade of blue, and so on and so on. But the best spot on the entire island is the Talk Story bookstore. I’m sure you’re aware I’m a bit of a bibliophile, and the place is chock full of unique and rare reads. There is, however, another reason why I feel so strongly about it. It’s where I met Maude.” He waved at me, trying to get me to join him. I mouthed the words ‘are you fucking insane’ and he nodded, grinning. I shrugged and walked around the tripod and into the frame, doing a giant circle wave starting with my palm out flat toward the camera at stomach level, raising it up past my face, then clockwise out to my right side.

“Hello, People of Tumblr. I’m Maude Gallagher, Tom’s social media manager. Also known as She Who Turneth the God of Mischief into a Dress-Carrying Pack Mule. Please excuse my slovenly and disgustingly sweaty appearance. For the record, as far as I’m concerned there’s really only one acceptable reason to get sweaty…and let me tell you, standing outside in ninety-nine degree heat with ninety-six percent humidity sure as shit ain’t it.”

Tom lost it completely, head back and roaring with laughter at first, then bent over with his hands on his knees. I made a valiant attempt at keeping myself together, but it was foiled when he calmed down for a moment, then whispered ‘we’re up all night to get…sweaty’ and started giggling madly. I laughed until I wept, unable to catch my breath enough to speak, and we clutched at each other as we tried to regain some semblance of control, instead dissolving into another fit of chortles and snorts whenever we looked at each other.

I held my hand out in front of me. “We are SO sorry.” More snorts. “Really. We’re normally very, very professional.” I kept my eyes forward, staring at the gravel as I inhaled and exhaled to the count of five and cleared my throat. I felt Tom’s arm slip around my waist, pulling me to him. I turned my head in his direction, surprised at how he’d sobered so quickly.

He kissed my cheek, then looked directly into the camera. “Over the past few years I’ve been asked about my relationship status more times than I care to count, and at one point I replied to the effect that when there was something to say, I’d say it. And now there is, so here we go.” I teared up, remembering what he’d said to Luke back in Kauai’i…that he wanted the whole world to hear him when he said it. His grip on my waist tightened.

“Someday we’ll have to tell you the entire tale of how we met, because it’s amazing and entertaining and, frankly, something straight out of a movie, but…long story short, we had a delightful exchange at Talk Story that ended all too soon as we both had appointments to keep. I managed to finagle her phone number, promising to call after said appointment was over. As it turned out, unbeknownst to us, our appointments were with each other and my PR manager, Luke Windsor. He’d contacted Maude to arrange a sit down to discuss my social media participation without telling her my name, and he’d only let me know that we were meeting with someone regarding the matter, nothing else.” He turned to me and smiled, and I smiled back. “I’ve heard my entire life that when you find the right person, the person meant for you, that you just…know. Love at first sight. And I never really believed in it, most likely because it had never happened to me. Until the moment I laid on eyes on this gorgeous woman, that is. I just had to meet her. It was a compulsion I couldn’t resist. And when our gazes finally locked and she smirked at me…that was that. I knew. By the end of that very first day, I was madly, deeply and completely in love with her.”    

I rolled my eyes as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “Goddamn you, Hiddleston.” I shook my head and pointed my thumb in his direction. “Anyway. Yeah. What he said. And I got a really cool job out of it all, too. Seriously, though. It was the most bizarre and extraordinary thing that I’ve ever experienced. One moment, there was some creep standing behind me who wasn’t saying anything and totally freaking me out, and ten seconds later when I turned around to berate his or her appalling behavior I found myself unable to utter a word because the creep was actually this beautiful man. A beautiful man who shortly thereafter followed me out of the store and got on his knees to beg for my phone number. I resisted at first, but as you know all too well, when it comes to Tom Hiddleston, resistance is futile. Later on that same day he brought me Lindor truffles. They were what pushed me over the edge, and down into the rabbit hole I went.” He cleared his throat. “Fine. It was more than the truffles. But let’s keep this PG, shall we?”

He leaned into me, left eyebrow raised, a devilish grin spreading across his face. “Must we?”

I grinned in return as I punched him in the shoulder. “Do you think it wise to encourage me in such a fashion?”

He laughed again, shaking his head “I know it’s not.” Tom turned his attention back to the camera. “So, there you have it. Kaua’i. My favorite geographical location. I look forward to answering next week’s question…if we behave ourselves perhaps Maude will join us again.” I shook my head like a four year old refusing to eat their veggies, lips clamped shut. He grinned, tongue between his teeth, curling to touch his upper lip. “A huge thanks to all of you out there…I appreciate your support more than I can express with words. I still love the work, and I’m thrilled that you still enjoy it.” He bowed as I waved and walked out of the frame to turn off the camera.

I felt him beside me, and when I looked his way he was smiling gingerly. “Was that awful? Should we try again?”

I took his hand in mine. “Let’s watch it and see.”

When it was over his head bent towards me and came to rest on my shoulder. “So? Again?”

“No way. It was real, and hilarious, and beautiful.” Sighing, I rubbed my temple against the crown of his head. “And very, very personal. You’re certain you want to put this out there?”

He stood upright, grasped my upper arms and rotated my body to face him. “Absofuckingloutely, as you say. It’s already out there, isn’t it? Vaguely, perhaps, but obvious to those who wish to see it. This just…”

“Serves as confirmation. Which you know I think is the best way to handle it. Band-Aid. Right off. No ‘Are they? Aren’t they?’ I say post this bitch and let the chips fall where they may. And have I mentioned that it’s fucking HOT OUT HERE? If I don’t get inside soon I’m going to have a meltdown in more ways than one.”

He held his chin in his left hand, thumb grazing over his jawline, stroking, making me want to run my tongue over the same spot. “I believe you have. You get the camera, I’ll grab the tripod.”

“Thank you, kind sir. Let us now adjourn to our climate-controlled room where I will offer up a silent prayer of thanks to Willis Carrier prior to dragging my sweaty ass into the shower.”

His mouth opened, as if he were about to speak, then it closed again quickly.

I pointed at him. “You were going to sing your bastardized version of Get Lucky, weren’t you?”

He feigned astonishment, hand spread wide over his upper chest, index finger across his collar bone. “What? No! What would lead you to believe that I’d do such a thing?”

“Experience. Hot, remember? Inside time. Move it, Thomas. Move. It.”

“Ooohhh, inside time. I rather like the sound of that.”

He bounded toward the doors, beaming, as I swiveled my head back and forth in mock disgust, brain far to addled to compose a witty retort.

Once upstairs and cocooned in the delightful coolness that was our room, we ate the remnants of our Chinese food, then went back to work, Tom reading and making notes along the way, while I converted the videos to the proper format and uploaded them where they belonged. Hours later, all my emails were answered, photos and videos from Comic-Con interviews and panels that had been passed on to me as requested were posted, and I’d even reviewed several new account intake forms Luke had sent earlier in the day.

I got up from the desk chair, which was an ass-killer, stretched and plopped down on the floor. I couldn’t remember precisely when I’d last done yoga, and since I was caught up for the moment the perfect opportunity to cycle through some poses seemed to have presented itself. I didn’t bother with the mat as the carpet was so plush, and as I finished, lying in Corpse pose, it occurred to me that I had never in my life spent so much uninterrupted time with another human being. Normally, two days was my maximum before I’d freak out and need to be alone…yet here I was holed up in a hotel room that consisted of less than three hundred square feet of space, perfectly content to have him constantly in my presence.

Tom hadn’t moved from his spot on the bed, pillow tucked behind his back as he leaned against the headboard, one leg bent at the knee, arm resting on it, the other leg stretched out straight, his foot dangling off the bottom of the mattress. I’d always thought my ability to focus was superior, but he had me beat, perhaps by miles. It was no wonder why he was so good at his job…he invested every bit of himself, even in the tasks others would have considered unimportant or beneath them.  

Inspired, I returned to the desk, turned on my iPod, put in my headphones and began outlining a plan for yet another version of the Prosper website, one that would include detailed bios and CVs for of all our clients as well as links to their social media accounts. Everything else just faded away as I selected potential colors to use as a theme, all of which needed to coordinate with the existing logo. I was in the middle of typing up a message to Luke asking if he’d at least let me show him some alternatives to the white on black version he preferred, Bob Marley’s ‘Is This Love?’ blaring in my ears and reminding me of what I’d been pondering as I lay on the floor earlier, when the sound disappeared and all that remained was my own voice, singing loudly. Tom was standing next to me, finger having just hit the pause button.

I reached out and touched his hip. “Sorry if I disturbed you…I didn’t even realize I was singing.”

He extended his hand to me as he removed the earbuds from the jack, pulling me to my feet when I accepted it. “It’s a marvelous song, especially in your voice…I’d forgotten it even existed. Dance with me?”

Nodding, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he started it over from the beginning and his arms encircled my waist. We swayed back and forth as we turned round and round, staring at each other and listening to the lyrics.

I wanna love you and treat you right; I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together with a roof right over our heads; We'll share the shelter of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.

Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? I wanna know - wanna know - wanna know now! I got to know - got to know - got to know now! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able, So I throw my cards on your table! I wanna love you - I wanna love and treat - love and treat you right; I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together, yeah! - with a roof right over our heads; We'll share the shelter, yeah, oh now! - of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread. Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Is this love - is this love - is this love - Is this love that I'm feelin'? Wo-o-o-oah! Oh yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now! Yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able, So I throw my cards on your table! See: I wanna love ya, I wanna love and treat ya - love and treat ya right. I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together, with a roof right over our heads! We'll share the shelter of my single bed; We'll share the same room, yeah! Jah provide the bread.

At some point he took my hand in his to hold both of them to his heart and I rested my head against the other side of  his chest, remaining there until the first strains of the next song began and he hit pause again. I could feel him burying his face in my hair, breathing me in. Reluctantly, I pulled back so I could see him. He looked…exhausted. Peaceful and serene, but exhausted. My hand rose to cup his cheek.

“You look very, very tired, Thomas.”

He chuckled. “Been a busy couple of days. It feels like…I don’t know how long, but every time I remember that it’s only Tuesday it blows my mind a bit.”

I frowned, recalling everything we’d endured in such a short span of time. “Sorry…”

My apology was cut short with a kiss, long and slow, his tongue tracing my lips then greeting mine with an ardent fervor. He extricated himself in order to speak, his voice gentle, one hand wound in my hair, fingers massaging the area just above my neck. “From now on, whenever you begin to apologize for something that doesn’t require one, I’m going to kiss you.”

My mouth curled in a half smile. “Er, I’m sorry?”

“Well, that turned out exactly as I expected.” He kissed me again, deeper, with a passion that made me shudder. “It’s well past midnight, woman. Time for bed.”

“Do you mean time for bed, or time for…bed?”  

“Whichever you prefer.”

I disrobed in ten seconds flat, flung myself on the mattress and patted the spot next to me. “Come on, Hiddleston. Up all night to get sweaty, right?”

He groaned as he slid his shorts down his long legs and whipped the T-shirt over his head. “That’s going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. Forever and then some.”

****************************************

We slept in until noon on Wednesday, walked to Café du Monde for coffee and beignets…both of us realizing that if we lived here we’d be in serious trouble because, hello addiction…then headed back to the hotel to get ready for the viewing. I pointed out buildings and homes I loved along the way, as well as the bus stops so Tom could get a feel for what travelling around the city had been like for me. We stopped to listen to a street performer playing a portion of Beethoven’s Violin Concerto in D major, Op. 61. It was odd without the orchestral accompaniment, but glorious just the same. Tom placed a hundred dollar bill in the young man’s case, carefully tucking it down near the bottom to prevent it from tempting a passerby to help themselves.

“Hard to believe that piece is from two hundred years ago, isn’t it? Everything he did is still so…relevant. I keep hoping that Skrillex is going to incorporate some portion of Beethoven’s work into his own stuff at some point.”

Tom looked at me, head tilted to one side. “Who’s Skrillex?”

“You don’t know who Skrillex is.” I said it as a statement of fact as opposed to a question.

He shook his head. “Not a clue. Should I?”

I shrugged. “Maybe? He’s an EDM artist, and, in my opinion, a fucking genius. Lots of people can’t stand his music, but I love, love, LOVE it. He released his first album on his MySpace page as a totally free download, and then the next two as well, in 2010. He won three Grammys in 2011.” I poked Tom’s arm. “THAT is how you use social media to your advantage. I saw him perform in 2014 at Red Rocks in Colorado. It was awesome, even though I felt like I was the oldest person there. Someone actually asked the kid next to me if I was his mom. Not surprising, I guess, because I’d just left a seminar and didn’t have time to change so I probably looked the part. Anyway. I’ll play you something later. Kinda like the Prodigy, but more metal. Completely original.”

“I look forward to it.” He took my hand as we reached the hotel block, stopping in his tracks. “How are you, Maude?”

“I’m…I’m okay, actually. I just want it done, you know?”

He squeezed. “I know. If Will happens to show up…what would you prefer that I do?”

“Hadn’t thought about it, but…fuck…you shouldn’t have to even be involved in this. I’m really sorry…”

A kiss, short but sweet, interrupted me.

“Right. Not sorry. How’s this? I find it to be terribly unfair that you may have to encounter the epic douchebag that is my ex-husband, and I wish things were different. An apology, but…not.” I blanched. “God, I’m not sure I’ve ever said that before. Ex-husband. I think I may vomit.”

Tom embraced me and kissed the top of my head, then released me.

I bit my lip. “So. To answer your query…I can’t answer it, honestly. What do you want to do?”

The left side of his mouth twisted upward in a sneer. “Split his skull?”

I snorted. “Get in line.”

He laughed. “I’m aware that you’re perfectly capable of handling it on your own, but I still want to be nearby, just in case. Mainly because he’s gotten violent with you in the past. Is that okay?”

I paused, frowning. “Be nearby, yes. But if anything physical happens, please promise me you won’t raise so much as a finger unless there’s some sort of imminent danger. He’s the kind of asshole who’d try to get you to hit him simply because he knows doing so could damage your reputation.”

His brow creased. “Hadn’t thought of that aspect. I promise…it won’t be easy, since I already want to punch him repeatedly, but…I promise.”

I hugged him briefly. “Thank you, Thomas. See, if I punch him and the cops show up all I have to do is tell them he fucked my mother while he was married to me and is now crashing her funeral and they’ll be all like, hit him again, lady. We’ll be out getting some beignets if you need us.”

We began walking again, the hotel lobby only a few steps away. He held the door for me as we entered.

“Is it wrong that I’d love to see you give him a sound ass kicking?”

“Nope. I think it’s adorable. And, I’m overcome by the urge to apologize again but if you keep kissing me…yeah. It would be rather gauche of me to be late, would it not?”

He nodded, and we climbed the two flights in silence. His phone was ringing as we opened the door, and he let out a muffled ‘fuck’ in the hallway when he realized he’d forgotten it. He managed to catch it before it went to voicemail, and he mouthed ‘Legendary’ at me as he answered.

I hopped in the shower, attempting to shift my focus to something more pleasant whenever what awaited me crossed my mind. He stopped talking, and I heard his footsteps coming toward me and into the bathroom.

“They’ve reworked the cast, and we begin shooting in late October. On Oahu.”

I whooped. “MORE HAWAII!” I cleared my throat. “Assuming that I’m coming with you.”

“Well, I’m not going without you, so…”

“Good. But I insist upon staying in a nearby hotel, not in any housing they’re providing for you. When you and the powers that be deem it appropriate for me to take pics and so forth I’ll come to the set. I’m not into going full on Yoko Ono. You need to do your thing, bond with your co-stars and all that jazz.”

He opened the curtain, laughing. “Full on Yoko Ono. I love that. And I love you. As long as you don’t mind me showing up to be near you at all sorts of odd hours and sleeping there whenever possible I’m okay with you being in a hotel.”

I waggled my eyebrows. “Booty calls. I can hardly wait.”

He reached in and put his hand on my shoulder. “Maude, you’re so…different. It’s incredibly freeing, having someone in my life who…I can’t quite explain it. Probably because you’re naked.”

“Makes sense. I forget my own name when you’re naked. How about…understands that your occupation demands long and often unusual hours in faraway places?”

“Yes, but…more than that.”

“Okay…isn’t a total attention whore who can’t deal with not being able to parade you around 24/7? Who has her own interests and a job to keep her occupied while you do yours? Isn’t a massively annoying cling-on who’s so self-centered that she gets pissed when you can’t do what she wants when she wants to do it?”  

His smile took my breath away. “Yes. That. But you left out ‘is intelligent, confident, powerful, caring, amusing and sexy as fuck’. And I’m sure I missed a few, too.” He removed his hand from my shoulder and took his phone out of his pocket. “I’m pleased to inform you that I had an abundance of texts waiting for me, all of them commenting on our Tumblr video.” He began reading them to me. “From Hemsworth, ‘It’s wonderful to see you so happy, mate. Good on both of you.’ Evans said ‘Tom, you lucky bastard…she’s beautiful, and wicked funny. Tell me she has a sister.’ Ben’s comment was ‘That’s how it happens, you know…minding your own business and…BOOM. Can’t wait to meet her.’ And then there’s Downey’s, ‘Tommy. I know that woman. Don’t fuck this up. Oh, and Susan says MARRY HER RIGHT NOW.’” He was blushing, a deep pink color that began at his collar bones and reached all the way up to his cheeks. “There are a bunch more, if you want to read them later. Did anyone mention it to you?”

I laughed. “Thomas, my love…in order for friends to comment on such matters, one must first have friends. So, no. And I haven’t checked the post comments. That’s for another day.”

He waited while I finished, then stepped in to take his turn.

I kissed him on the cheek. “You are so very, very cute when you blush.” He shut the curtain in my face. “You’re doing it again right now, aren’t you?” He remained silent, and I chuckled to myself the entire time I was getting dressed, until he wandered out of the bathroom naked and dripping yet again…at which point all other thoughts escaped me.

He dressed as I put on makeup and wound my hair into a bun, cursing occasionally at my ineptness, then finally saying fuck it and letting it hang loose. After fastening the tourmaline necklace into place, I went back out into the main area. Tom looked stunning, as always, in the grey pants he’d worn at Comic-Con, a black button down shirt, grey knit tie and black patent shoes. He had his light grey jacket in his hand.

“Should I wear this, do you think?”

I shook my head vehemently. “Not unless you want the next funeral to be yours. You’ll fucking sweat to death.”

He peered at me quizzically. “Surely they have air conditioning.”

“Yes. They do. But no one ever turns it up enough. I hope I’m wrong, but…yeah.” I slung my bag across my body after looking at the clock. 3:30. “Ready?”

He nodded, and we made for the car.

****************************************

The receiving room was painted a pale yellow, with a yellow-gold carpet and drapes to match on the wall behind the casket. Brown wooden chairs with avocado green leather seats and backs that clashed horribly with the pink roses had been arranged in neat rows, though I doubted we’d need them. I didn’t anticipate much of a crowd, unless they were coming purely for the schadenfreude, in which case it might be standing room only. Mrs. Henderson came out of a side door to greet us.

“Hello, Maude. Have you seen her yet?” I shook my head, and she motioned for me to follow her to the front of the room. Tom grabbed my hand and came along. The pink dress looked garish, but that would have been the case even if she was still alive. I had to admit that the cosmetologist had done an exceptional job…her color was nearly normal, cheeks fleshed out (with what, exactly, I was sure I didn’t want to know) and blush applied, her hair washed and styled, fanning out on the white pillow behind her. “She looks beautiful, and so peaceful, doesn’t she?”

I wanted to scream, but I nodded instead.

She pointed to a grouping of three chairs to the left of the casket. “You can stand or sit until guests begin arriving, whichever you prefer. If this room gets too full, you’re welcome to have folks wait in the one next door…your mother’s is the only visitation we have remaining for today. I’ll be right behind this door if you need anything, and at 6 PM you’ll have the opportunity to say goodbye privately before we seal the coffin.”

I flopped down gracelessly in the chair furthest away, tossed my bag on the floor and put my head in my hands, elbows on my knees. Tom sat next to me, gently rubbing my back until we heard a familiar voice.

“Maudie! Thomas! There you are.” She was wearing a black dress with a white lace collar, a black and ivory cameo at her neck. She walked toward us, then peeked in the coffin before taking a seat next to Tom. “Wow. They did a nice job.”

Tom and Anne chatted about the screenplay while we waited for people to show up, and listening in was a welcome distraction for me. I checked my phone and discovered it was already 4:30, and not a single soul had come by.

The next hour seemed to drag on endlessly, with only six visitors…our former chef and  housekeeper, two neighborhood ladies that my mother couldn’t stand, Barty, and Reverend Thompson, who indicated that he always turned out for such things when he was officiating the at the funeral. Barty, who’d apparently been Anne’s lawyer for years before she relocated to California for the second time, lingered, pulling a chair over and sitting beside her so they could catch up.

By 5:45 I thought we were in the clear, but moments later the yelling started. It was distant, but I knew immediately who it was. Lord knows I’d heard his voice at that volume often enough throughout the course of our relationship. I couldn’t make out all of what he was saying, but I did hear ‘fucking cunt’ and ‘does she think she is’ quite distinctly. Tom was engaged in conversation with Anne and Barty, and he paid me no mind when I got to my feet. Boots echoed down the hallway, thumping on the hardwood floors, and then there he was, in the doorway and storming through it, headed straight for me.

I laughed out loud when I took in his appearance…I’d forgotten how short he was, barely as tall as me when I was in bare feet and he was wearing shoes,  and I was reasonably sure that I’d tower over him in my three inch heels. He’d put on at least fifty pounds, belly hanging over the top of his jeans, black and white Nirvana T-shirt two sizes too small. His hair still hung long, midway down his back, but his hairline had receded more than halfway on the sides above his temples, leaving nothing but a tufty grey-streaked strip running down the middle of his head. The jeans were filthy, his tan work boots shabby and unlaced, and a plaid flannel was tied around what passed for his waist, partially invisible under his protruding stomach. Other than the weight gain and the hair loss, he looked pretty much the same as when I’d left…meaning, those might just be the same exact fucking clothes he’d worn for days at a time seventeen years ago. Hopefully he’d laundered them at some point.

As he drew closer I realized he really didn’t look the same at all…his complexion was ashen, eyes bloodshot with dark circles under them, skin wrinkled and leathery, lips cracked and chapped. He was speaking, pointing a finger in my face, but I couldn’t hear him, my only focus intent on the amount of dirt underneath his fingernail. I suppressed a gag as the fact that I’d slept with this disgusting piece of shit rose to the surface of my mind. As I pushed the thought away his voice, southern accent as thick as ever, became clear.

“…show your ugly face in this town, sneakin’ behind my back and tryin’ to take what’s MINE. But I FOUND OUT, because I KNOW PEOPLE and I got told YOU were there Monday with your fag actor boyfriend and that there was a fuckin’ realtor car there yesterday…you can’t fuckin’ SELL it, it’s MY house now…”

I squared my shoulders as my arm shot out, hand wrapping around his hairy wrist and squeezing tightly, voice icy and dripping with condescension.

“If you plain on retaining possession of that particular digit I’d strongly advise you to cease waving it in my face.”

An expression of surprise crossed his countenance briefly and was quickly replaced with rage. He tried to twist away from me, but my own rage had tightened my grip well beyond my ordinary level of strength, to the point where tears began to well up in his eyes from the pain. I let go, smirking.

His hands dropped to his sides, balled into fists. “You ain’t gonna do another goddamn THING until we see a LAWYER, Maude. I want what’s MINE.”

I crossed my arms. “I’m sorry…what do you mean, you want what’s yours? NOTHING is yours. She died intestate.”

He stomped his foot. “I don’t care what the fuck it was that killed her…all that matters is she’s dead, and she left me everything. It says so in her will.” He whipped a stained, dog-eared sheaf of papers out of his back pocket, unfolded them and tapped his finger to the front page. “Right fuckin’ HERE.”

I’d heard Barty snicker at his reply to my intestate comment, and I could feel the fiendish grin spreading across my face. Granted, there weren’t as many people present as I would have liked for the show, but I was going on with it anyway.

I rolled my eyes. “Intestate means without a will, you fucking moron. Which, in turn, according to the laws of the great state of Louisiana, means that everything goes to ME, not YOU. And it was the booze that killed her…technically alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, but I think I’ve already exceeded your fifty-cent word limit for the day, so let’s just leave it at booze.”

He screamed and waved the papers in my face. “I HAVE THE WILL RIGHT HERE, YOU STUPID BITCH!”

Mrs. Henderson popped her head out and asked if everything was all right…I nodded and waved her away, and Anne got up and followed her into the adjoining room.

I shook my head. “Shut up and listen very carefully, William. After you left town with wife number three, Mary filed a statement with her attorney revoking all existing wills and codicils after marking the most recent one VOID. That’s the one you keep waving around there, by the way. She knew you had a copy, and she wanted to make sure you got precisely jack shit.”

He took a step forward, snarling. “YOU’RE A FUCKIN’ LIAR!”

Barty stood up and walked to my side. “Mr. Bonaventura, I’m Bartholomew Stevens, Mary Bonaventura’s attorney.” He pulled a document out of his inner jacket pocket. “Here’s a notarized copy of her revocation statement as well as the will she marked void. You’ll find it’s identical to the one you already have in your possession. Ms. Gallagher is 100% correct. The entire contents of the estate passes directly to her as the only surviving child. Go ahead and take those to your own lawyer and he’ll tell you the same.” As he went back to sit next to Tom he winked at me, and I wanted to kiss him.

I could see Will’s wheels turning, trying to figure out how he could get something out of this. I dove in before he could speak.

“Sorry asshole, no payday for you. Guess it’s time to find another cash cow to milk, especially since your most recent one’s run dry as well.” His eyes widened. “Yeah. I know. Took me a while, I’ll give you that, but all the pieces of the puzzle finally fell into place. You dragged me to Vegas and got me blackout drunk so I’d marry you because you thought I was rolling in dough. When you found out my mother was the one with all the money, you started fucking her and she fell for your bullshit hook, line and sinker. Once hers ran out, you latched on to Anna Beth. Rinse, lather, repeat.”

He took a step forward. “You begged me to marry you. You said you loved me. And you sure fucked me like you did.”

Without pausing to consider the consequences of my actions, I leaned back, made a fist and swung, hitting him square on the mouth. His head flew to the side, blood spraying from where I’d split his lip.

“The only reason I ever fucked you AT ALL was because I was DRUNK, you worthless piece of shit. My heart had just been torn from my chest not once, but TWICE, and I couldn’t face the pain. You were nothing more than a convenient excuse so I could tell myself I was an ARTIST who liked to party, not a raging alcoholic. I NEVER loved you. And you knew it. And that’s why you tricked me into marrying you, abused me, belittled me, accused me of cheating and played all your other mind fuck games. That and the fact that you didn’t want me to notice that you were fucking MY MOTHER before you were certain she was all yours.”

He lunged at me, and I saw Tom stand up out of the corner of my eye as I grabbed Will by the shoulders, kneed him in the balls, then shoved him backward. I motioned for Tom to sit back down as I steadied myself, balancing on one heel even just for a few seconds having thrown me off balance. His eyes narrowed, but he complied.

Will was doubled over, and I bent down, got close and screamed in his face. “It’s bad enough that you’ve done this all your life, grifting and sponging off everyone else because you’re too fucking lazy to get an actual JOB and won’t let your stupid dream of hitting it big because you’re such a great guitar player DIE, but now you have CHILDREN who are COUNTING ON YOU to PROVIDE FOR THEM. Newsflash, fucktard. You’re too fat, too bald and too old for anyone in the industry to even look twice at you, and your guitar playing is mediocre at best. The only reason your band was popular back in the day was because of ME. People came to hear ME sing, not to hear YOU play. And that always burned your ass too, didn’t it? I hope it still does. Every fucking day.”

He stood upright as best he could, arms still clutching his stomach, staring at me like he had no idea who I was.

“This didn’t turn out quite the way you expected, did it? Sorry to disappoint, but the coward of a girl I was when you knew me…the one who let you walk all over her and treat her like she was worthless and stupid…she’s been dead for years, Will. Her father blowing his brains out killed her drunk ass off and a goddess took her place.” I pointed at my chest with my thumb. “This, this is the REAL me. The me that’s going to pay off the mortgage on my crazy fucking mother’s house so I can sell it later for a huge profit. The me that’s going to sell every single fucking thing that’s in it, too. Your toys, your instruments, every piece of equipment in the recording studio, her shit, ALL OF IT. And would you like to know what I’m going to do with the proceeds? Of course you would. I’m donating every single penny to a crisis organization for victims of domestic violence, the Metropolitan Center for Women and Children, right here in New Orleans. Appropriate, don’t you think? It won’t make up for any of what you’ve done to me, or to Anna Beth, but it will surely help a LOT of women move on from their OWN Wills, and it’ll absofuckingloutely put a smile on MY face every time I think of how much my doing it pissed you off.”

The staring continued, his eyes wide with shock.

I waved my hands at him in dismissal. “We’re done here. Time to go back to whatever hole you crawled out of. And do not, under any circumstances, show up here tomorrow for the service OR at the cemetery. Unless you want me to kick your sorry ass some more, that is.”

His brow furrowed, and I couldn’t help but notice how much he resembled a Neanderthal. He turned and walked slowly toward the doorway, then looked back at me, the fire still gone from his eyes but unwilling to let me have the last word.

“This ain’t over. You’ll be hearin’ from my lawyer, you fat fuckin’ cunt.”

I laughed. “Looked in the mirror lately, Will? Fat cunt is a much more appropriate description of YOUR appearance these days, not mine. I’ll be waiting with baited breath for your attorney’s call. In the meantime, get the fuck out of here.” He didn’t move until I took a step in his direction, then finally exited the room and stomped down the hall.

I remained in place for several moments, rewinding and replaying it all in my head. A smile spread across my face, so huge and wide that it was almost painful. I turned around to see everyone standing, eyes on me. Barty, Anne, who I had no idea had come back into the room, and…Tom. He’s the one who began applauding first, and the others joined in immediately.

I held up my hands in a stop gesture. “You should NOT be rewarding this kind of behavior, folks. Where’s Mrs. Henderson, I need to tell her how so very, very sorry I am…”

Tom strode over, embraced me, picked me up and spun me around, mouth on mine as he set me back down, sucking on my lower lip until I moaned. Barty cleared his throat and Tom released me.

He glanced in Barty’s direction and grinned sheepishly. “Sorry about that. Couldn’t help myself.” He turned back to me, whispering. “Maude…you are, indeed, a goddess. MY goddess.”

I whispered in return. “Are you going to worship me later?”

His reply was a barely audible hiss in my ear that made me shiver. “Yessss.”

Barty appeared behind Tom, clapping him on the back. “So, who’s up for some dinner at the Palm Court Jazz Café? One of my favorite haunts. The food is damn tasty…” He patted his belly. “And I enjoy it as often as I can, as you can clearly see. My treat, of course.”

Anne answered first. “Count me in. I’m in just the right mood for some jazz. And Mrs. Henderson went to make sure Will actually left the building. She said not to worry, that this kind of thing happens more often than you’d imagine, and to just leave when we we’re done and she’d take care of the rest.”

Tom met my gaze, raising an eyebrow. I nodded and spoke for both of us. “We’re in too. But it’s MY treat, Barty. You being here with those papers…epic. So, so epic.”

He laughed. “A little bird was kind enough to inform me that Mr. Bonaventura had arrived in our fine town, and I had planned on coming anyhow. Always be over-prepared…every attorney’s mantra. I’ll let you buy, darlin’. Next time’s on me, though.”

I smiled. “Fine. Why don’t you and Anne go on ahead and get us a good table?” I looked over to the casket, then back at Barty. “There’s something else I need to do here.”

He nodded, took Anne by the arm and walked her out.

Tom put his hands on the sides of my face. “Would you like some privacy?”

“I’d like you to stay, if you don’t mind.”

He nodded, then removed his hands and slid one arm around my waist as we walked up to the coffin. He let me go when I stopped to pick up my bag on the way. After staring at her face for a few moments, I took a deep breath and began to speak, knowing that my adrenaline high could slip away at any moment, leaving me a quivering, shaky mess.

“Mary. I’d call you Mom, but…you weren’t really that, were you? So Mary it is. Better than what I’d really like to call you, that’s for sure.” I reached in my bag and pulled out the brown leather box with the maroon tapestry inset that held my father’s revolver. I heard Tom inhale sharply, but he didn’t speak. “I know you left this for ME, but…I want you to have it. And you will, now, forever. Theoretically. What Dad did…in the end it was his choice, but you’re the one who betrayed his love. And what a love it was. Yet you threw it away like it was nothing, and because of that, he was already dead before he pulled the trigger. But his heart kept beating in spite of how he felt, so he had to finish the job. Anyway. None of it was my fault, and his tomb is sealed, so, here you are. A little parting gift to enjoy while you rest eternally at his side.”

I put the box down inside the coffin, below her hands and out of sight.

“All of my life, I could never understand why you didn’t love me. And I always thought it was because of something I did, or who I was. Now I know it wasn’t me at all…that’s just what you wanted me to think. The real reason you never loved me…and, scratch that…the reason you hated me was because you regretted the choices you made in your own life, and because you were jealous of me. That, at least, makes sense. Of course you were jealous. I’m everything you were never capable of being, or becoming. The best you could ever do was dress yourself up and try to look pretty enough so that no one would notice that you were nothing more than a monster in an expensive dress. I wasted so much time…my god, the TIME…feeling like I’d missed out on so much because I never really had a mother, when, in truth, the only person who missed out on anything was YOU. You had an amazing, beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter who loved you despite everything you did to her. You never got to know me, you never cared to know me, and now you never will. My love for you turned to hate long ago, but now…even that’s gone. I feel…nothing. You’re nothing. But I’m something. Because I’m still here. You did your best to destroy me, but you couldn’t. Not completely. I’m too strong for that. Stronger than you. And I’m happy. Happy with my life, and happy that you’re finally out of mine. For good. There’s no coming back from where you’ve gone. Every night the last thing on your mind before you fell asleep may have been how you wished I’d never been born, but the last thing on MY mind every night before I fall asleep is… love. So, fuck you, Mary. I win. You lose. Game over.”

I turned around and began to walk toward the doorway, but Tom stopped me.

“When did…how…”

“You used the bathroom after the real estate agent left and I snagged it. Still wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, but…”

His arms wrapped around me, and he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You’ve left me speechless again, Maude. God, how I love you.” He pulled back, smiling softly at me. “Ready to go?”

I nodded. “Fuck yeah. I’m starving.” I paused. “And Tom…thank you, once more, for being here. And not judging me. I love you too.”

“You’re very welcome. Though I have to admit, I did, in fact, judge you.”

I shot him a look. “I’m sorry, what?”

He laughed. “I judged you. And my verdict is that you throw one mean fucking punch, woman. In heels, even.”

I slapped his upper arm. Lightly. “You know, I had no idea I could do that. It felt really, really good. TOO good. Maybe I should take up boxing.”

We walked through the doorway together, and he leaned into me. “Not a bad idea. Then you could serve as my bodyguard as well.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, Thomas, you can’t expect me to do EVERYTHING.”

He held the building door open for me, whispering seductively as I passed by him, his hand cupping one cheek of my ass. “As long as you do me, nothing else matters.”

“Shut up, Thomas. Please. Shut. Up.”

He laughed all the way to the car, finally quieting down when I distracted him by hiking my skirt more than halfway up my thighs as I sat down in the driver’s seat. Then it was my turn to laugh…until his hand found its way between them in the parking lot. And mine found its way into his pants. We were slightly more than fashionably late when we finally made it into the restaurant, but Anne and Barty were too busy dancing to notice.