#sorry for the rant. i'm just pissed for so many days now and it never seems to be over

[dootznbootz]

As someone who is also really uncomfortable with the Zeus/Odysseus art trend, I completely understand where your coming from!

People’s treatment of Odysseus’s assaults in general makes me really upset. Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom.

I remember being so frustrated when the snippets of “There are Other Ways” came out because so many people were making Hamilton jokes and talking about how he always talks about his wife yet cheated. When in the song it was so clear he was being coerced which is yknow, not a form of consent. I couldn’t even listen to it because it made me so uncomfortable, and even now with the full version out the fandoms reaction to it overall have soured me to it. Which sucks, because I do think it’s a great song.

Also I don’t even think Epic completely erases Calypso’s assault? At least, I think it’s left ambiguous enough during the time jump that people can come to their own conclusions. Specifically when Calypso says “Soon into bed we’ll climb and spend our time” just really gives me the impression that something else happened.

I suppose in the snippets we’ve seen of “I’m Not Sorry For Loving You” it seems like Odysseus and Calypso are on slightly friendlier terms, but I don’t think that negates the fact she could’ve assaulted him. And I’ve always took that song as pretty manipulative on Calypso’s side, with Odysseus more so trying to placate her. But that’s going into theory territory.

And even if he isn’t SA’d in Epic it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be there!! Same with Homer’s Odyssey. It’s so infuriating to see the cheating narrative be so widely spread when that is just not what happened.

Anyway’s sorry for the long rant, but I wanted to say that it’s nice to see you take Odysseus’s SA seriously. It’s not something the fandom does enough.

It's okay for the long rant. Sorry I took a bit to get to it but I wanted some "soft chatters" for a bit before I tackled this one :)

"Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom."

I completely understand you with this stuff. ;~; I used to go through Odyssey tags often as I LOVE possibly finding new people to follow and fun things but too many times I would see shit that pissed me off. ;~; I've honestly kind of just stuck to my mutuals that I trust tbh. And honestly, there's soooo much shit of people just straight up not understanding the context/culture/meaning/etc. of the Epics and just taking it at face value and not understanding the meanings. :/ I'm no expert, but I also have analyzed and researched quite a bit on my own to try and get the full picture. I think in order to truly enjoy the Odyssey, you need to just... really soak shit in, you know?

When Calypso, that lovely goddess,  tried                           to keep me with her in her hollow cave, longing for me to become her husband,                                  or when, in the same way, the cunning witch Aeaean Circe held me in her home filled with a keen desire I’d marry her, they never won the heart here in my chest.

(Book 9, Johnston)

Odysseus tells this to the Phaecians. They are strangers that he will likely never see again and who are isolationists. Therefore his story that he told probably won't be "spread" to others so he can probably say whatever. So he doesn't have to worry about "Penelope hearing a different story than the one he told to her" if people wanna argue about how "Oh well, he didn't tell Penelope about the 'affairs'"(He tells her everything as well btw.)

He could literally say "Oh yeah, I had the time of my life!" but he doesn't because that's not true. Odysseus has no listed concubines, I just literally don't see him as the type of guy who's really into that.

And while yes, he would be devastated if she didn't "stay loyal", he does sound like he'd be understanding. He asks his mother in the Underworld if Penelope had gotten remarried to "the finest of Achaeans". And we all know of Odysseus' words of "when Telemachus has a beard, feel free to remarry". Even when first "rejected" by Penelope in that she didn't hug him when he sat across from her, he was incredibly hurt but asked for a separate bed. He literally could have had it where Penelope takes a different bed and he takes their luxurious/fancy one because he has the rest of the household on his side.

But he DOESN'T!

Because he adores her for fuck's sake!

Funny enough? I have the weird reaction of like, weirdly searching out "Good" animatics as it was a weird reassurance of "yes, people see that it's wrong." as while holy fuck. so many stupid, awful jokes about "Say No to This" in the comments (I have learned to just stay the fuck away from youtube comments on Odysseus shit. :') ) but like, seeing and HEARING how yes, this was fucked, was weirdly really nice for me. yeah, it took a lot of digging but there's a few "There Are Other Ways" that I love. Literally, both are unfinished wips and they're still my favorites. If you can, please give these two a watch and some love for the creator.

This was back before we heard the full song and it's still very good. How he's on guard until she "magics" him and the colors change. After that he kind of moves like a "puppet" but he's still resisting as best he can.

This one is literally still sketches but it's my absolute favorite. Oh my word. The body language, PENELOPE FLASHBACKS!!! Showing cute bits of Penelope's character and how awful this is for him. (Penelope is so cute. She puffs up her cheeks to make him laugh!) How he really is scared that he'll have to go through with this in order to save his friends until all his past trauma floods back and he just can't. It's lovely.

And yeah Idk how to feel about "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" :/ I don't know how it'll be yet, maybe there's something in another song that shows Odysseus' real feelings or whatever.

And with just the whole cheating thing, yeah, it's really upsetting to call what is blatant assault "cheating". As wild as it sounds, Odysseus' story has been more relatable for me than any other stories like this, even modern ones. I've spoken a bit about it before but yeh, victim blaming at its finest. I find him and his story and his love for Penelope slkdfj very relatable. It's honestly really nice to write about in a sense..

(I'm pasting this from an old post of mine but yeh)

I have never had a story that felt like how it actually FEELS. The "aftermath" and "regaining life". It's hopeful and feels really good. It's been years since "everything" but it just felt nice to see "Everybody has the chance to get better." Even Nestor, Helen, and Menelaus, while still dealing with their traumas, are doing a lot better now. And after literal hell, Odysseus got to be with his family and loved ones again. He can start living again. It's why I'm just...idk passionate about this? I'm not a murderer or a war veteran but I see myself in him. Hopefully, y'all see me as nicer though!😂(plus, let's be honest, the Odyssey is romantic af and OdyPen is right up my alley as well >:D )

I really hate the whole "he's a guy so therefore ____" whether it's used as a "Boys will be boys. they can't help themselves" usually aimed at female victims or a "Men always want sex. they cannot be victims.". It's fucked up and used against ALL of us. :( Doesn't matter if it was history. People, no matter the era, should never be put through "Are you Victim™ enough?". He is one.

Idk the Odyssey means a lot to me. I hope it's okay I take some liberties with my fanfics as it's nice healing through him :D I AM kind of using my own experiences and ideas and it feels nice. I don't think Homer necessarily meant for this but eh, anything that helps is good :D He's a war criminal that I relate to.

[ssmokyquartz]

an assistant of someone i needed to talk to today just told me i should contact her boss directly because she's taking care of things we don't even know, important things. excuse me but paying the people who work for you isn't important also?

[ashwhowrites]

Older! Eddie Munson x reader, reader gets angry at Eddie bc of something dumb, but still, she's angry, and Eddie thinks it's funny and cute that she's angry, but still he comforts her and tells her that he loves her, and then she lets him kiss her

Thank you for requesting! I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it <3

Slob

Y/N thought living with an older man would mean he acted like an older man. She didn't expect to feel like she was living with a teenage boy who expected Mommy to pick up after him. She also realized old men were just as much slobs as a kid.

After a long day of college classes, all she wanted to do was take a long nap. She walked into the small house, removed her shoes, and walked straight to the bedroom. Eddie was lying on the bed, a remote in his hand as he searched through the channels.

"Hi, baby." He greeted

"Hi, I'm exhausted so I'm going to take a nap. Will you do me a favor and pick up your mess in the living room" She asked, her hands gesturing to the doorway.

"Of course."

~~~

Y/N slowly blinked open her eyes, her eyes caught the clock. She sighed as she realized she slept three hours. The room was dark, and Eddie was nowhere to be seen.

She walked out of the bedroom and headed to the living room. She froze when she saw the mess from earlier was still there.

Eddie's empty beer cans are scattered on the coffee table, his blanket is a pile on the floor and his ashtray is filled with cigarette buds.

On a different day, she wouldn't have been that upset. She knew if she asked again, he'd do it instantly. But the fact that she was so tired, and asked for that simple thing, and he didn't do it. She felt the anger in her body at the idea of asking him again.

"Look who's awake!" Eddie cheered, he pecked her cheek as he passed her. A beer in his hand as he sat down on the couch.

Eddie gave her a look when she didn't say anything. Her eyebrows were scrunched, a pout on her lips, and her hands were on her hips. He couldn't help but realize how adorable she looked.

"I asked you to do one thing!" She said, her voice snarky as she held up one finger.

"I know, baby. I'm going to do it at the end of the night." Eddie said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I meant to do it when I asked you to." Her hand was back on her hip, and he felt like she was a cartoon with smoke coming out of her ears.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't realize that. Do you want me to do it now?" He asked.

"YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!" she screamed, her right foot stomped into the carpet. Eddie flinched at her outburst. Confusion on his face.

".....is that not what I should have said?" He asked, he sat up straight to give her his full attention.

"UGH!" she screamed, she rolled her eyes and stomped off to the bedroom.

"You wanted to date the twenty-year-old," Eddie muttered to himself. A small smile on his face as he followed behind her. He adored her little outburst, but he knew if he said that she'd kill him. Over his many years of dating, he knew never to call a girl cute when she was pissed.

He knocked on the door, even though the door was open and he could see her sitting on the bed. Her arms crossed and she glared at the wall.

"I'm sorry, honey. I should have cleaned up the living room while you slept so it could have been cleaned when you woke up." He explained, moving as he sat next to her.

"Thank you!" She sighed, her arms uncrossed and her body relaxed. That's all she wanted to hear. She waited for his apology to continue but it didn't.

"And?" She said, her eyes snapping to him.

"And?....." He thought, what else was he supposed to apologize for?

"EDDIE! Have you learned nothing?" She spazzed. Eddie kept in mind she was exhausted from school and that she had to release all her build-up frustrations.

"I'm sick and tired of telling you what to say or do. Why can't you just clean up after yourself? Why can't you just know exactly what to say when I want to hear it?" She ranted. She knew she sounded nuts and it was crazy for him to read her mind. Eddie knew it too, but he wouldn't say that.

"You're right! I'm sorry for being lazy and for always counting on you to tell me what to say or do. From now on, I'm going to work on that." He promised.

"Thank you." She muttered. Eddie felt her body slowly melting against his. He threw his arm over her shoulder. His finger went under her chin and moved her head to face his.

Her eyes fluttered close as she relaxed into him. He leaned in and kissed her softly. She hummed at the softness of his lips, the way he took charge. His warm tongue slipped inside her mouth and she whimpered. Her hands eagerly gripped his shirt.

He might have been an older man that was a slob. But fuck...he knew how to turn her into a puddle.

Tags!

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 : Things I miss

After a little more than two years of living without you, he's totally fine. No really, he is. He doesn't miss you at all. Not one bit. People would notice if he wasn't fine after all, wouldn't they?

Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt & Comfort, Idol!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Cat Hybrid!Reader, mentions of depression and depressive thoughts, heartbreak, homelessness, it's a bit heavy sorry, mentions of mental abuse and manipulation, betrayal, slow burn, eventual smut, dead dove do not eat

Dead Dove do not eat: warning for potentially triggering content that can't be tagged without spoiling the story.

Length: 2.8k words

-> Masterlist

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

Today, he's having a bad day.

They've had to shoot a music video today, some of the dancers being hybrids. They only really kept to themselves, didn't interact with them or him in particular at all, but one of them had bumped into him today, leaving all her white and grey cat hairs over his clothes. They're not that many, technically. It's barely noticable at all. And still, he's washing his shirt again just to make sure her scent didn't stick.

He himself has no way of knowing. You'd notice for sure though.

He's drinking on his livestream, because he knows he has to apologize again. People have seen the behind the scenes footage at this point, and he's scrolled through the comments just to find a whole bunch of fans confused over his yet again rather rude behavior. Most write it off and focus more on his honestly piss poor attempt at making sure she was alright after crashing into him- but he knows he should've acted differently.

It's like he's stuck in a loop he can't get out of.

"Ah, yes." He hums, almost using his glass mug of iced wine to hide. It'll be fine. Fans think it's cute, after all. "I wanted to.. apologize. You've seen the video, right?" He nods, seeing all the answers flow into the chatroom on his phone in front of him. He doesn't know what to really say now. Jungkook sucks at lying, and everybody knows it. "I think you all know.. that we, you know, as Idols, have to be very careful." He offers, thinking carefully over his choice of words in order to appease everyone. If he makes it less about himself, and more about the big picture, he'll be able to pull himself out of it with nothing but a scratch soon to heal once people forget. "I didn't.. Some might get upset if we talk, or get close to girls." He nods to himself, staring into his cup for a moment. "So.. ah, you understand, right? You get what I'm saying, right?" He tries to joke, though he knows they can sense he's nervous. "I don't want people to get upset at anyone." he finishes his tiny rant, and the chatroom fills with supportive messages and hearts, making him relax again in his seat as he changes topics to something else.

He sings, drinks some more, ends his livestream later on. Everything's fine.

Until someone rings his doorbell, Namjoon wanting to visit him. At this hour? Strange, but it's not like it's never happened before.

"Jungkook- is everything alright?" He asks, taking off his shoes at the entrance of the youngest's apartment. Jungkook hums something akin to an answer, stumbling a little over his own feet as he puts his galss mug into the sink for him to wash tomorrow. Tonight, he's just not in the mood. "What happened here?" The bandleader asks, and Jungkook turns to look at whatever Namjoon is referring to- spotting the rather angry hole in his wall.

"Oh." He just says, pouting a bit to himself as he tries to think of when it happened. Slowly, Jungkook looks at his hand, suddenly feeling like his knuckles are burning. And they are- they're bleeding a little, skin scratched open. He doesn't remember doing that. Or does he?

"Oh?" Namjoon worries. "Jungkook, what is wrong with you?" He almost scolds, and suddenly the singer wants him out. He doesn't want to be lectured, he's had that done to him year after year after year. He doesn't need this right now. He's done everything they all wanted- he sacrificed everything from his youth to his love to his potential future- how much more does everyone want from him?

He's got nothing left to give, really. They've taken it all.

"I'll stay over tonight, alright?" Namjoon sighs. "I don't think you should be by yourself like this. We'll talk tomorrow when you're sober." He offers, walking around to a room he remembers being a guest room at some point. But its locked- and as soon as Jungkook hears the hauntingly familiar slight creaking of the handle of that particular room, he snaps his head around, angry.

"Leave that." He barks out, irritated.

"Why is it locked?" Namjoon wonders, genuinely confused, and a little bit concerned as well.

"Because no one's supposed to go in there." The singer says, flopping down on the couch before he turns on the TV.

"Not even you?" The rapper questions, sitting down with a respectful distance next to his bandmate.

"No." He simply answers, not looking at him as he zaps through the channels. "Because it's not my room." He mumbles more or less, alcohol in his system making his busan accent stand out thickly.

Namjoon is confused for a good moment- until he spots the colorful stuffed animal on the couch, next to Jungkook, who carefully makes sure it rather sits on the small table next to the couch so it doesn't accidentally get squished by sitting on it. "It was hers." He states.

Jungkook squirms uncomfortably. "It is hers." He growls almost, visibly not alright with you being brought up as a topic at all. He's always doing that, sober or drunk- he hates talking about you, and for a while, everyone had simply thought that you and him maybe broke up on bad terms, that you left. But only recently have him and Yoongi found out about the whole company issues regarding you and him- from the first problems starting right after he'd brought you home to him, to the more extreme things such as the end of your relationship.

"Jungkook.." He sighs, feeling bad for his bandmate. While him and the rest of the band back then didn't really support nor like the idea of the youngest living with a hybrid, no one wanted him to go through what he's going through right now. Yoongi had noticed it quite quickly, considering that the producer had gone through depression and anxiety before- it takes one to know one, he'd said.

"No, don't.." Jungkook shakes his head, annoyed. "I don't wanna talk about it. Just go." He dismisses him, brows furrowed and a frustrated look on the singer's face. "I'm fine."

Namjoon sighs, before he gets up, and seems to search around. "What're you doing?" The singer questions, watching his leader roam around kitchen drawers for something- before he makes his way back to your old room, a key in hand. "Don't you dare!" He immediately calls out, terrified and voice laced with panic as he jumps over the back of the couch- though not in time before the door is opened. Namjoon gains a small tiny glimpse of it- your bed unmade, some clothes in a hamper, dust on the shelf closest to the door- before it slams shut again, and he's pushed aside. "Get out."

"Jungkook, you have to move on-" He tries, but the young man in question pushes him again.

"I said get out!" He barks again- and in all honestly, Namjoon has never seen him quite like this. He doesn't even look angry- it's something else that reminds him of back when he was still a 13-year old child, full of fear and uncertainty, shy and unsure of himself. It hurts him almost physically to see him like this- and he doesn't know how to help him. Or even, if he can at all.

So he leaves, because in that moment, that's all he can really do to make it better.

As soon as Namjoon is gone, Jungkook is still left in the same spot, key left in the door to your room. And slowly, carefully, he opens it to reveal the self-made time capsule, everything still the same way you've left it years ago, when he'd taken you to Hanako, never picking you up ever again. It the first time in almost a year that he's standing here again, and he feels exhausted, for some reason. The door clicks shut behind him as he leans against it, sliding down to sit on the carpet floor, simply staring at what's left of you in his home.

Things are barely illuminated by the citylights outside the window, see-through pink curtains only mildly coloring them in a rosy hue. Your bed is unmade, blankets and pillows without order as they're left from the last time you slept here, unaware that you'd never return. It even smells like you, faintly. But with an almost nostalgic hint to it, making it all hurt just a little more.

There's dust on the shelves and windowsill. On the several figurines you had, the snow globes you collected. He'd bring you one from every country he visited as a souvenir whenever you couldn't tag along- which was more often than not.

Hanako, back then, would have never been his first choice for you. But he didn't have anyone else apart from her- a former translator of his band, the only one who really seemed to at least mildly care about you. You're fine with her, you'll have a normal life- he'd made sure of that after all, had given her a huge chunk of money to use on you only, any need you might have. You'll live a normal life, happy, even if it's not with him.

It was his last act of love for you, even if you probably hate him for it.

But what else was he supposed to do? Let them take you back to the carecenter, where you'd be ostracized forever? They would've never been able to give you into anyone else's care after living with him, the company way too scared of you talking to the media even though he himself knows you'd never do that. They weren't very happy with his choice either- but they at least stopped bothering him after they made sure he really cut all ties with you.

Horrible, really. Just cruel. How much more does he need to sacrifice in order to gain anything from it? How much longer until everyone gets fed up with his attitude he's got no control over these days? It'll only be a matter of time until his actions are no longer excusable, won't it?

But it's alright, even if he doesn't feel like it right now.

He's okay.

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

The next few days are uneventful, and Namjoon never brings up the incident at all. It's probably for the best, or maybe he's even forgotten about it- it was really insignificant after all. He simply had a bad day, nothing else.

He's fine.

He really doesn't want to be here today however, the shooting with the fans making him horribly uncomfortable for more reasons than just one. He's already swaying on the spot, nervous about things he can't really pinpoint. Maybe it's everything, maybe it's nothing. He's not sure anymore what's the problem these days- maybe Namjoon was right. Maybe he should move on.

You won't be coming back, after all, no matter how stubborn he himself might be to this day. He can't help his behavior- but it'll be okay.

It's fine, really.

He knows that the fans understand after all, even if they don't know the reason for his rather rude behavior. He's grateful they excuse his actions with whatever theory they might come up with- he'll apologize later, give them at least some sort of bandaid to cover up the hurtful sting of his avoidance every single time.

But he can't bring himself to even look at them, not even after years in between what once was and now is. It's frustrating, really, how he can't seem to heal no matter what he does. You're stuck in his mind, every glance he takes at the young cat hybrid fan in front of him morphing into your face instead for no reason other than to spite him. But she's not you.

None of them are, or could ever be.

Jungkook can't even bring himself to think what might have become of you now. He's chosen not to know anything after all, has no way to contact you or find you again, your name and ID number changed to something he doesn't know and never will.

He knows it's better like this. For the both of you.

He loves his fans, he really does, but the way some of them will morph into monsters out for blood if they were to know of your existence and more so your connection to him; he knows he wouldn't be able to protect you down the line. You'd never be safe, you'd never be able to live a normal and happy life with him tied to your name and face.

It's the one thing he hates about his chosen life.

He poses for a picture the best he can, though careful not to touch any of the fans present in the photo. It's like the slight brush of the girl's cat tail against his pants stings him like sour acid, burning into his skin even though all that really sticks to him are a few hairs on his black cotton pants.

But even those, he immediately brushes off, bowing to the fans that leave, apologetic because he knows how awful that must've looked to her. He doesn't want to be like this, he doesn't want to come off as such an awful person, but be can't help it.

Later, at home, he makes a public post on weverse: an open letter apologizing for his behavior, and a promise to do better in the future.

Everyone understands, sends encouraging comments, and he feels even worse now, because he knows he won't change.

He can't.

Not when he's still got some of your old clothes in a backpack in the back of his closet. Not if he's still keeping your favorite comfort plushy on his couch, ready to be held by him whenever he feels particularly lonely. Not when he still tries to seek out your scent by jumping the same bodywash you did back when you still lived with him. Not when he can't let go of the past.

There's numerous theories amongst his fanbase as to why he's like this to hybrids in particular. From a past friend having died, to him being the victim of an attack at some point, there's a wild and colorful variety of explanations they've come up with over the years. Some are chilling to read, while others make him rather frustrated.

He hates that he tends to be portrayed as the vulnerable victim in all of them, when in reality, he never was and never will be. But he doesn't comment on any of the theories to keep them occupied. As long as they think they've got it figured out, they won't dig any deeper than they should.

Today it's a bit easier. Today, he's a bit lighter, having fun singing karaoke on his livestream, before he ends it to shower and go to sleep later. Today, it's not that bad, but he knows it'll only be a matter of time before he's hit with it again, memories and what-if's haunting him again like some curse put on him.

His phone rings, and he picks it up. An unknown number, probably a fan who's overstepped the line again. He denies it, before it calls again- tongue clicking as he accepts the call.

"Please don't ca-"

"Jungkook?" An older woman's voice asks, and he freezes, because even through the natural distortion of his phone's speaker, he knows that voice.

"…" he swallows thickly, collecting his thoughts for a moment before he answers back with a dark tone to his voice. He doesn't need this. "I told you to never contact me-"

"I know, I know, but I fucked up." She tells him, making him nervous. What is she talking about? "I fucked up bad, and now- the police isn't doing anything about it, and I don’t know who to call anymore.." she explains almost as if out of breath, and he's looking at nothing with furrowed brows. "Its been days, and I've honestly.. I don't know anymore, I need help, and at this point, you're pretty much my last chance."

"What are you talking about?" He wants to know, irritated by her cryptic rambling, while simultaneously feeling his blood run cold at the prospect of what she might be talking about. About who she might be talking about.

"She ran away, Jungkook." She says.

And all falls silent for a moment, as he processes what he's just been told.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Thank you! I was so pissed at the end of Last Twilight and you nailed it in your post!

The number of times I swore at the last two episodes. I'm so angry, as a person with a disability, so pissed. I'm pissed at all of it, but that part engages me. So much that I'm having a hard time saying anything smart. They did such a good job at so many things but those last two chapters were so upsetting on so many levels.

We can be happy, content, and satisfied in our lives, with a disability. We don't have to be "cured". I understand it's what Day wanted but, it made the whole show fall down and feel empty and pointless.

And the whole relationship stuff at the end was so pointless and not well written in my opinion. Most of it made no sense. You said it perfectly in your post. All of it. So thank you. 💜

Hi Anon!

I wanted to answer this a long time ago. I am very sorry it took me so long 🌼

I saw so many different posts about the ending and of course some of them were really praising and loving the ending (which is totally fine for me by the way). At some point I was unsure, if my words were too harsh. I mean, I love critical reviews about stuff, also about stuff I enjoy and love, but I still was thinking if I was too critical. This here, this ask made me realise that it wasn't too harsh and even if there were just you and me, who think this way, it is a valid opinion. Thank you so much for reaching out!

I couldn't go back to Last Twilight til now. I still feel a pain in the heart thinking about the ending. I loved the series so much, but with every comment, with every thought about how much Mhok was giving up for Day, to make him happy, without Day considering Mhok's feelings and their value, it just hurt. And I still feel pain thinking about the lost message, the fact, that Day couldn't see himself as "normal" or "whole" without his eye-sight. I guess it was the fact, that is wasn't talked about anymore. We saw him thriving and having a fullfilled life without the ability to see. And it looked as if he was happy. I guess it would be helpful if we could have seen a discussion about this whole eye donation thing, to understand that this is still something he was going for. But the better message in the end would have been, if he could be thriving without this surgery.

And it could have helped if we could have seen Mhok's journey in those three years? Does he overcome his trauma? Would he become this dependent again? Does he made friends? Could he live his life to the fullest? What was he thinking? How many times did he reach out to Day and never got a reply, never got anything in return? Why did he choose to go after him, after all this time and after all the hurt? How did he overcome the hurt? And how did he manage to forgive him. And why the fuck did he need to thank Day for the heartbreak and pain he were going through? How the fuck could he thank him for choosing for him, without talking with him, without considering that Mhok has an own opinion and is his own person with his own thoughts and backstory? How the fuck? ... Guess I am still angry...

There was so much pontential and they just blew it.

I didn't want to rant again 😅🙈 Sorry!

Thank you so much for reaching out and telling me about your thoughts! 🤍

[v3nusxsky]

⚡Hello there!👋⚡

How are you doing today darling?

I hope you are fine and if not, here some love and sparkles: 💖✨♥️✨💖✨♥️💞✨✨❤️💖✨💞💕

I was wondering if I could request a Lady Lesso x f!reader. With reader looking a lot like Rafal which makes Leo unsettled and angry (as she thinks r is just like him and isn't as sweet as she pretends). So Lesso acts mean and cold towards r who just trying to be nice causing her to lose it and just yell at her that she is a jerk and confessing in the process her feelings for her along with how self-conscious she is about her appearance. So something angsty but fluffy at the end

Sorry for the long request, it's always a good moment whenever I see you published something. Your works is amazing! 💕

Have a good evening/night/day/afternoon!!

Lots of love ❤️

-🌙✨

Him| Angst/H&C

*Authors note~ you all know I had to hit this with some *personal* daddy issues of my own. My lovely moon anon I hope this fore fills the request*

Trigger warnings~ daddy issues? Idk man angst is real here

Prompt~see ask^^^^^

☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾☾

You were not surprised when you landed in the school for evil. I mean look at your sperm donor, it all made sense that your bloodline would lead you here. But if there was one thing you prided yourself on, it was being the polar opposite to him. It was something you'd made sure of, anytime you were related to him you'd feel so disappointed in yourself. Just because he gave you half your DNA didn't mean you had to be like him. You were you. You are own person and he wasn't taking that away from you. Or was he?

You were just you, no pretending to be anyone you weren't, yet the Dean of the school seemed to hate you. She was unnecessarily harsh to you, her anger flared at you and for some reason no matter how hard you tried to be good - a weird concept for a never- she seemed to find ways to pick at you. It was borderline ridiculous at this point. You'd seen more of the Doom room than your own dorm, and it was starting to wear on your nerves. Your peers noticing the treatment and teasing you on how you seemed to just piss her off that much. She hated you just by looking at you.

Truly, that hurt, you'd always been so insecure about your looks. You hated that you had most of your facial features in resemblance to him, you wished to look more like your mother. But you can't change that. So you worked on making yourself different to him. But here and now Leonora Lesso was making that extremely difficult, she was making you feel so many negative emotions that bottling them up wasn't an option. The final straw came when you were dragged to the Doom room for what felt like the hundredth time this week.

"You" she sneered as she came strutting forward towards you. "No you!" You roared wondering where the sudden burst of confidence came from. "I'm tired of this! What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me so fucking much? Don't tell me you don't because this", you gestured around the room, "says otherwise  Lesso. So what the fuck is your problem" you finished off panting from the rant before you realised what had happened. You crouched down into a corner and sobbed, ignoring the other women as you were drawn into your own mind. Thoughts spiralling round your mind.

"Bad. Don't wanna be him. Fuck so stupid. Need to be better. Don't want to be him. Need to be me. Not him." You muttered over and over as you rocked yourself slightly. There in that moment Lesso saw her error, yet she didn't dare say anything. What if this was a trick? Just like he would do? She couldn't let her guard down yet. It was too much of a risk.

Some time later you'd managed to soothe yourself enough for you to stand up. "You know for someone who's so fucking gorgeous you can be a real asshole. I don't understand why I want you to like me so bad. It's clear you hate me, yet I seem to be drawn to you. It's frustrating. I mean I know I'm ugly, I know who I come from. I know I'm not the smartest or the meanest Never in the school. I know I have no real value to you but all I seem to want is for you to like me" you admitted with a slight blush. Truly you didn't understand why you were seeking her approval but you were.

"Rafal he is your father?" She muttered and you visibly cowered away. "Sperm donor yes, he's nothing to me" you made sure there was no room for arguments. "I know what he did Leo, he's a bastard for hurting you that way, the same way he hurt us" trailed off not realising what your just admitted to the older woman. "I'm nothing like him Leo, just give me a chance" you whimpered slightly the silence scaring you until she scooped you into a bone crushing hug. "I'm so so sorry sweetheart. Truly I never meant to hurt you I was just scared. I promise from now on a clean slate okay?" Causing you to nod into her shoulder, just soaking in the embrace she was offering.

Word count~ 924

[a-mag-a-day]

JURGEN LEITNER?STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JURGEN LEITENER GOD DAMN FOOL BOOK COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT AVATAR OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JURGEIN LEITNERSTOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JURGEIN LEITENER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP BOOKS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM MEif i wanted to get into heaven and god said jurgein leitners waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back downif i have to deal with jurgein leitner speaking one word in person on voice in podcast not only will i close the tab i will delete my bookmark out of spite and have to rewatch the entire series again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alivei dont even know why i hate him so much. he collects books but i am just mad because i am angyhe better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version ill go hamBETTER have had a book make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make himpaypal. com/ IFuckingHateJurgeinLeitnerepisodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his library and I lost itwhere the fuck is jurgein leitner if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasntcrusty old manill punch leitner and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final book he kept on him at all times simply titled Now You Fucked Up in ancient yiddishim not breathing im hyperventilating at this pointi hope theres a date given for when jurgen died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phoneeveryday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had so many fucked up if true books

(I'm sorry I had to)

Aaaaaand it looks like our Jurgen Leitner rant quota has been filled for the day, quite quickly at that!

Thank you all for participating in the finale, fair warning that this is the only rant we will publish today, the rest will be crushed under the mods' "epic huge meat fist" 😊

[hellbubu]

Ugh, its awful. I need to mask SO hard whenever I'm home. I explained to mom about my social battery and now she uses that expression alllll the timeee....but she doesn't seem to realize I'm including *her* too, in the 'people that tire me out' category ¬¬ She gets mad I go to bed late, but it's the only time of peace and quiet where i can do stuff without noise and interruptions from others! Usually when im alone im a depressed useless lump half of the day, but the need to mask with a smile and answer and interact and be *cute* is just so engraved in me i do it automatically and it never ends *cries* Sorry for the rant lol (also, im too tired to write correctly so sorry for that)

Derrick forcing the others to play bad and Red house losing AND redmond not noticing would be hilariousssss

Oh, man, imagine a teen movie with this plot xDDD I'd watch the hell outta that!

Ikr!! Like, WHO kills someone to supossedly 'solve a problem' and immediately goes 'and bringing them back will solve everything! Like, why ?? If getting rid of him was the solution, why bring him/them back...??? Ugh, teenage boys. La edad del pavo, indeed.

Gaaahhh, imagine Druitt being a friend of the LM. *shivers* I mean, it makes sense? All these pervs seem to run in the same circles...(although LM has the 'easiest' option of taking what he wants from helpless children 24/7 9 months of the year, and the security of them not being brave enough to tell anyone or being able to scape. Imagine the nightmare of having caught the eye of that creep, blergh.)

Fr, fr, we se Seb, LM, UT and....one more teacher? For such a 'prestigious' institution, the education sure seems lacking (this is why they send the royal brats off to Eton lmao)

Right, right???? They should have totally manage to escape! And we weren't shown any more violence or blood or ANYTHING. So what. happened. (Also, I imagined Violet with the knifes cause there's no way he'd be able to take on two guys lol. Poisoned darts would work as well, Dementia!)

asjdhakjafhsdkjfshd, I've seen all kind of theories! Still, all I know is that UT is obssessed with Phantomhives but somehow doesn't care about killing Ciel OR about who slaughtered them. (Alsoooooo....if UT was able to save r!ciel's body before seb burned the body...does this mean he was there??? inside the house where they were torturing the boys??? for how long????? why didnt he save them????)

Poor Joanne. Truly, a hellish year. *tu-tush!* Also, he was probably so relieved about the canoe incident since people would talk more about that than him...only to end up pissing himself in front of the others. ALSO! Was he even made prefect?? Like, i saw a post about him being too young and being passed over, which would MAJORLY suck, since the other prefects are the only people he can talk about that night with. But the blurry red house prefect we see is blonde so idk. (I bet you he joined the boyband purely out of pettiness to fuck the P4 over. Im sure the others -except Soma, poor clueless baby- joined for the same reasons lol)

Awww, that's so cute! And a totally worthy endeveour for a 2nd son to invest in! FU r!ciel (i wanna like you, bb, but the fandom hasnt given me much hopes about you and i still have to read the manga)

SPEAKING of that. Yana went on hiatus!!!! I'm in despair.

Victoria being mad jealous of Claudia over UT would be hilarious. Basic in a 'powerful-women-can-only-be-enemies' kinda way; but hialrious.

I DO feel that if she did order it would have made more sense to 'save' the twins (or at least one) and earn their devotion? Give them a false enemy to burn and keep using them as her loyal dogs. But if she gave the order to erradicate the family completely someone fucked up MAJORLY. I bet heads rolled xD

A shift in power would make sense...but how? An Earl is a looong way from the crown (and with her many children and even grandkids!?). Maybe she started something supernatural over Albert's death? And Vincent found out? Questions, questions.

Beso <3

Constant social interactions are the worst especially when you can't be yourself. Having to act like you're someone else is tiring and you should really get some rest. Like not just sleep or be alone for a bit, but take some days to actually properly recharge, if possible.

He wouldn't force them to play badly during the tournament, only during practice... or at least I hope so. The Red House getting beaten by the Blue House because of Derrick does sound fun tho.

I think that the previous P4 took all the brain cells when they left. Otherwise, why would they 1. think that killing a bunch of boys was a good solution and 2. think that bringing the boys that they killed back to life was a good idea?

Druitt and the LM are both pedos, but I think Druitt would think he's better than LM because he (Druitt) has a title, is a doctor, and gets away with buying and selling kids. LM has to watch in the shadows as boys are beaten, while Druitt goes and kidnaps kids to sell. Druitt thinks LM is in a league waaaayy lower than him. He doesn't seem to even realize LM can do as much as he does (well, maybe not the selling part) and not even be found out. He (LM) brings it up once but Druitt is too busy salivating over a boy (Ciel in a cheap wig and different clothes) to pay attention.

I like to think that the bullies have never been held at knifepoint, so when Violet pulls out one, singular, butter knife they freak out and think Violet will manage to kill them. Meanwhile, Violet is just stabbing air and swinging his knife around while praying that they'll back off so Greenhill can kill them.

Maybe he got there just after Sebastian was summoned or something. He thought "holy shit, if he (Sebastian) knows I'm here, he might just eat the other twin. I need to keep quiet so I can still the other's body. I'll bring him back to life so they can play happy family later."

I think I might like R!Ciel if I read the manga. Alas, I can't. But O!Ciel would always be my fave twin. He's always been so kind. <3

I heard she's working on the ending. I do think it might take a few years for it to end tho. I feel like there's still too many questions for it to end soon. I'm not a manga reader, but even I know that there's still quite a bit left until they start to unravel the Phantomhive murders. Like, the current arc might lead to the final one, but from what I understand SebaCiel have yet to meet UT&R!Ciel again and are on their honeymoon... so quite a while still

Maybe Claudia fucked her over and Vincent was about to too, so she'd rather just get rid of them all. We know she doesn't trust O!Ciel because she had the Charles follow him during the Circus Arc. So it might not be too far-fetched to think that many of the previous Guard Dogs have turned against the crown at one point or another and she might've wanted to start over with a cleaner slate.

I mean, maybe Vincent just saw something he really didn't like and was willing to fuck England over. Let drugs freely on the streets and sell secrets regarding England. But I could be wrong. He does have this dude called Chlaus as an informant and this guy travels a lot. So, if Vincent were to try to fuck shit up and then make a run for it with the help of Chlaus but the Queen finds out...

Besitos :* :*

[biggaybunny]

ranting to myself, also, heed the spoiler warning

I'm just so pissed off. I spent all day enthralled by Surviving Romance and its themes and loving its characters and then it just completely shits the bed. It's blatant homophobia, too. Like, there's an argument to be made that we don't know if Seyeong Jin actually is gay, because that's just the role she's been given, but she wants to play her given role, and it's no coincidence that that role happened to be that of the female admirer. Whenever it came up it was explicitly to further villainize her. It's not like it was romance that was the problem, Rina's affection for Minwoo was used to connect her to the others!

And she's the perfect foil to Huisu, more than Chaerin. Here you have someone who's also been tormented by "voices", who wants to give in, and she's probably suffered as much as Huisu and Chaerin have. And they almost confront Huisu with that! They almost have that conversation! Where Huisu is forced to confront the type of person she used to be and, oh I don't know, be the person to reach out this time. Because that was the whole fucking point. That she had no one, before she became Chaerin. And she nearly gave up again, inside the novel, before someone reached out to her. And now here's someone, in the same fucking situation, with no one but Huisu in the position to reach out to her, and what happens? She gets fucking popped by Jeha and they never spare another thought for her. Oh well! Sorry you've been suffering more than anyone else here! That's not important in this story about how everyone is important and about making it together! You filthy queer.

And in the end, when the devil wins, who saves them? Is it the girl who the devil forgot to deal with? The girl who's been aware something's wrong the longest, and noticed it even before the errors began, and logically would know what happened? The girl whose character arc was abruptly killed right at the climax? The girl who MOST CARED ABOUT THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN HUISU AND CHAERIN AND WOULD BE THE ONE IF ANY TO KNOW WHEN SHE'S REPLACED? NO IT'S FUCKING JEHA.

Jeha, who hasn't even been a person for the entire fucking story, because he was never a person, he was just a promise. He was a wish Huisu made for a happy life. Jeha, who was there so Huisu could learn to let go of him and everything he represented. Jeha, who couldn't recognize Chaerin when it mattered most, nor any other time up to that point. Jeha, the special one, in a story about how it was the "unimportant" characters that made the most impact. Was it Jeha that saved Huisu when she was about to give up? Was it even Minwoo? No, it was goddamn Mihui, because the point was an "unknown extra" could change her life every bit as, even more than, the one guy she'd pinned everyone on. But he gets to save the day, and not on any of his own merits. It was the special treatment he got from Chaerin last time around that got him in front of Huisu, and Huisu who got through to him. The plot used him exactly as the in-universe plot, the panacea to their problems. They fucked it up completely.

It was stupid enough that Huisu just.... gave the fuck up like that once they were outside the school. That everyone snapped at once all together, forget their situation, and Huisu decided rather than being strong for them, she was just gonna, you know, fucking do an about face on the last 90ish chapters of character development. I assume the author rushed the story for some reason. I mean, I have to assume that. Nothing else makes sense. They just dropped the story all over the floor. Also there were so many opportunities to have "Se-eun" enter into an innocuous little promise that comes back to bite her. Something less stupid than fucking roshambo.

Also as a matter of purely personal taste I don't like my meta-fiction stories going to "level 0". We've had stories of characters going in to stories since, I don't know, we started writing them down, probably. I don't think there's anything wrong with having them get "out" of the story and still be in what is to us a fictional world. I mean, come on. It's still a work of fiction, you just have to rely on crappy photos instead of the artstyle everyone knows and appreciates.

[ghcstvalleychief]

No but the Lutawolf thing pissed me offfff! I was disgusted about the Emmett Till thing because any of us with a brain saw how that comparison was awful (and even though they tried to double down and swear it was a comparison instead of just apologizing and growing from this experience) but in that post they said a lot stuff that sounded very much like victim blaming and ableism as well. The whole post was rife with it but these parts stood out:

“Now, if you accuse someone. You have to have proof. And I don't mean bruises on wrists. I give those to my submissive when I do bondage.

For instance, if it was me. I could tag several people on here who know me in real life that can verify everything I've told you guys. I could point you to court casings. There were video taps, DNA, and much more. So much that they pled guilty. Never mind that they only got five months.

So not only do we not have proof from Poi. Other than pictures that were found to be stolen. She took someone else's pictures to use as her own. Do you see what I went through. I have videos and pictures. If it had been me that she stole from, I'd make her the abuse victim she wants to be so badly. “

As someone who’s also a survivor but was very young and couldn’t provide proof for many reasons, I was met with this same attitude from people for years because I spoke out. I hate survivors with superiority complex because the rest of us that don’t fit their perfect definition end up feeling belittled and invalidated. Like this isn’t even about the Poi/Build thing it’s about making other survivors who’s story probably looked similar on the outside, feel like crap all over again. Although, I find it funny that someone who says they don’t care about one party or the other, they definitely did a good job of painting Poi as the “psycho” and Build as the poor innocent baby. That’s why comparing him and his situation to Emmett felt even worse than if they’d just left it at that. Emmett was an innocent child and Build is a grown ass man with a documented history of similar behavior. The whole post was just disgusting all around.

I was contemplating abandoning the KP fandom after you said you probably would but, after this, I think I’m out for good. So many people who I used to admire here have recently shown themselves to just have the worst opinions. Anyway, sorry I just wanted to rant. There’s a lot of drama going on so please just ignore this if you want to.

Fuck Lutawolf. You know, I said I was gonna stay off of here, but I caught wind of all this bullshit and I had to see for myself what the fuck was going on.

I had that person blocked for quite some time but I unblocked them because I want them to see everything I'm saying regarding this issue.

At the end of the day, you can defend your shitty fave without comparing that piece of shit to an innocent child who was tortured and murdered as a result of false accusations. This is NOT the same. Build is NOT Emmett Till nor are their situations the same. Build is a garbage individual who has had a pattern of being awful and everything is finally catching up to him. Build is a racist, homophobic, misogynistic piece of shit (as per his own words when he wrote that sad sob letter last year after we found out how he truly thinks). He is not being unfairly targeted due to racism or outright hatred. Actions have consequences. You can't walk through this world thinking you can say and do whatever you want without there being consequences.

That's not how this works. Fuck Build, fuck his fans/supporters/staunch defenders, and fuck anyone else who thinks they can use murdered Black children to absolve Build of any perceived guilt. You can make a point without using Black trauma to justify and manipulate people into feeling sympathy for a guilty piece of trash. The Black trauma was used to really hit everyone right in the feels so they can care enough to ignore that he has a history of being awful. His fans have covered it up and have been trying to get other people to stop talking about it for MONTHS. Since that's not working this time, I guess they have to pull out the big guns. They're spreading misinformation and trying to quiet his accuser while also trying to force the rest of his cast mates to come out and defend him when there's nothing to defend. Brands are publicly renouncing him and cutting ties with him for a reason. He's bad for business and rightfully so.

Your fave has always been a bad person and it's finally caught up to him and now everyone knows. Stan who you want. Support who you want. If you want to support a guilty man, just say that. We won't respect you but at least be honest with yourself and everyone else.

[sevicia]

I got really mad about this 👆 exchange and then went on a rant with 18393 tangents and it doesn't even make sense

I HATE when ppl do this like OK. Context: this is a video of a girl just like, doing her makeup, and the first comment goes like "she's my type" (not a direct translation but u get it etc) and the last comment in the screenshot goes "they're the ones that will traumatize you the most! from experience!" (also not direct translation sorry)

shut UUUUUP SHUT UP SHUT UP I hate people like this so bad esp. when it's about girls cause it feels like girls literally cannot fucking win like OK a girl likes Sanrio stuff! so cute forever! and then some fucking idiot goes "she's probably mentally ill or some shit" like who ISN'T mentally ill in this day and age ?! It's literally normal to seek comfort in cutesy stuff when you're in a bad place mentally because that's what it's FOR !!!

or when a girl like dresses in more revealing clothes like OK she likes to look sexy she enjoys feeling attractive yk good for her !!! and then the two most common reactions are like "she's obviously a slut" (common douchebag logic) OR "she's obviously trying to get attention from men / provoking them" (incel-y logic) AND THE WORST PART IS THAT BOTH TYPES OF GUYS WANNA FUCK HER!!!!!!! And they still judge her so bad come ONNNNN

LIKE no matter what a girl does, a lot of guys will always have something negative and dehumanizing to say about her and then they're like "WAHHH why do no girls want me, why do all my girlfriends leave me, why why why" BECAUSE YOU DON'T SEE THEM AS PEOPLE ‼️‼️

IDK something about fitting girls specifically into boxes feels so so wrong because it's Literally always been like this, like "this girl is ONLY this and nothing else about her matters", whereas with guys it obviously happens too like the "fitting into boxes" thing, but it's different because guys have never been denied jobs or opportunities or relationships or BASIC FUCKING RESPECT based on said boxes IN FACT people will OVERLOOK most flaws a guy can have with excuses like "just how guys are" "he's too young" "he can learn to be better" ET FUCKING CETERA and NEVER extend that same attitude towards women ⁉️⁉️⁉️ DIE

I feel like it sounds shallow (?) coming from a guy but it genuinely pisses me off SO BAD like hearing stories from my friends, the women in my family, girls online, all about men who have been violent or creepy or just shitty in general to them and them having to just fucking shrug it off and continue to deal with it every single day of their lives because even if everyone's like "ugh the feminists are taking over" truth is that it's still the same for many, MANY people all around the world but now that it's not socially acceptable to be a violent misogynist, the violent misogynists who want to maintain their image will just be less loud about it!!!

This might be kinda weird of me to say but I'm like, glad that I'm not a cis guy because I HAVE experienced life as a girl in a lot of ways so I kinda know how it feels (even though I haven't had many shitty experiences with men myself due to the way I live) and while that obviously doesn't mean I can't ever be misogynistic, it feels like I'm a lot more conscious about things that cis guys don't even think twice about and it's not even BIG things, it's stuff like listening to what girls say and by that I mean like, literally physically listening, because some of the grown ass men in my family will interrupt women AS THEY ARE SPEAKING, or just straight up LEAVE in the middle of a conversation !?!!! Like it's SO EASY to just not be a shitty person.... ?! It's basic decency and it's crazy how they ONLY do this to women and will gladly sit and listen to other men speak.

Sorry this post is a mile long I just get really fucking mad about this and AGAIN I feel like I sound like those guys that are like "I'm such a feminist you should totally date me because I respect women did I mention I'm a feminist" but truth is all I do is listen to the girls & women I know and become pissed off in their behalf like I don't even know what to DO about it except support them and try to show them how much I love them I love my friends and my sister and my mom so much!!!!! but I can't just blast all the shitty men in their lives from existence!!!!!! I forgor where I was going with this or if I was ever going anywhere at all in the first place T_T

[bard-llama]

I've been following you long enough for you to feel like an old friend. Sorry about that. Anyway, I hope you're doing well. Just checking and all. I hope whatever hardships you're experiencing right now quickly pass, and many good moments show up for you. I hope you find a reason to smile every day.

Awww, don't apologize for being here, it's very appreciated! 💖

I am doing mostly okay. My car got totalled and now is NOT the time to buy a new car, especially when your monthly income is under 1k, so it's difficult, but essential, to replace, but I'm trying. Other than that, I'm now involved in every level of the Democratic Party in AZ, which is kind of cool, but lots of work and none of it pays, so... how are we ever supposed to be the progressive party and not the rich elitest white guy party if we don't pay anyone to do the full time jobs we expect them to do???

I will say, I recently made the decision NOT to run for office in 2024, and honestly, it's kind of a relief???? I will probably run in 2026 or 2028, but I'm also pretty happy being the behind the scenes guy that works to get ALL candidates elected, not just one or two. And I am so, so glad I have a great organizing partner because frankly, everyone else is driving me nuts with the "let's talk a lot and never do shit" approach. But dammit, me and my partner are gonna turn this county blue. It might take a while, but we're gonna do it. Because for fuck's sake, it is NOT okay that our best medical care option in this part of rural AZ is "drive an hour to the next biggest city because if you go to your local hospital, you WILL die". (Literally, my partner was stuck in the ER waiting room for 14 hours with an appendix about to burst. Developed a hernia they also had to operate on. This was last fall. There was a guy who left during his hospital stay, went and did an oil change at the car shop he worked at, came back and no one fucking noticed! The rooms don't get cleaned and patients are left sitting in their own piss for DAYS. It's truly obscene.

I don't remember why I started ranting about that but anyway... things are going as well as they can be rn and thank you for the note. You definitely gave me cause to smile today. 🙂💖🦙

[kidmachinate]

Fast Or Slow?

I swear at one point, I was Alakazam. Or would feel like I imagine one would be. On top of the world, making decisions, on point with what people did and why, good judge of character, etc. The more life passes me by, the more I relate more to Slowpoke. Life, thoughts, relationships, everything gets slower and slower.

A slow thought process isn't so bad. Gives you more time to think things over. I wish that's all it was. Your brain literally gets slower. You forget more things. You slip on things that are usually routine. You forget an important date. You don't show up at a set time for something. Your gaming reflexes aren't what they used to be. It's not just getting older however. It's the weight of life's trials and tribulations and heavens forbid you've had a scenario or two where you can be like “it's the trauma” because then you really get messed up.

Blamed for too many things that aren't your fault. Yelled at because things aren't going a certain way. Yelled at because things are going a certain way but not quite as expected. Mental health not taken seriously in favor of academics. You just lose the desire to speak out, or hesitate to say anything anymore.

Even with all of the above being true and/or somewhat depressing, I embrace it. I prefer more times than not, to not live life in the fast lane. There are times where I've learned to value that and even embrace it. Life is for living, not for just paying bills, right? Any time I try and live a little it feels like a hard lesson or unexpected emergency is around the corner. I found myself making the same joke a friend or mine did at a gathering…”it's been a good life” upon finding out some news that will have an impact on my finances…which is like…my life. So…let's think about the same financial choices twenty times over like usual, eh? It's a crazy world we live in.

Things can get so bad that slow is good. Embrace the food times for what they are worth…and yeah…people fuck up. We're human. Most people short of some unjust crime or physical/mental abuse deserve a second chance. Slow thinking will do that. Slow can be deadly too, if you piss them off enough. One gets the horns after too many transgressions. Slow also works with being more introverted. It just makes sense. I love Charizard but years later went with Blastoise and objectively think it is the better choice. It was Blastoise that went in my Gen IV Battle Tower team that went the full 100 rounds. Not Charizard. Sorry Charizard. I'll never forget my first but I can't argue with results. A defensive Blastoise with a somewhat suicide Gengar and Dragonite claimed the W.

Today's post/rant is a bit all over the place but so is my current mind. Questioning everyone and everything. It's very much a what am I doing in life kinda day…I know realistically I'm doing what I can and things beyond my control and all that but holy hell…I rather be helping someone out while listening and using “slow thinking” vs my mind racing currently…to an extreme. It's a good time to remember the title of this blog. Truly. I'm sure I'll get through things. It's not like I know it any other way in life…but the in between experiences are the worst…so if my thinking becomes a bit slower, I embrace it. Even if sometimes it takes a bit of help to embrace slow thinking as opposed to the monkey mind that tends to win in times like these.

I have other aspirations this year and I'm not gonna let what feels like an endless cycle of nonsense get in the way of those things. Easy to say now and I may very well be lying to myself, but this is the path I just go on. If there's a “reason” this happened, it's fucked. If you have all your bases covered, one shouldn't have to go through life's torment periods. Such is life however. Peaks and valleys. Slow thinking it is…because “rushing things in the face” right now doesn't appeal to me outside of liquid courage…but I have no audience or small crowd to use my voice for, so it's just me and said liquid courage.

We've been here before. We got this. I'm saying we. Do I have a symbiote bonding with me? Be kind to yourself. Some of the best things in life are slow. Embrace it.

[thedivinecalamity]

God I need to bitch so badly right now, I'll put it under a readmore since I don't know how long it will be

I fucking hate finding a new psychiatrist. My """current""" one used to be good but they partnered with a big practice and now I have no way of getting ahold of him, and the people he's asked me to speak to instead never respond to my emails, and one day I literally called them 5 times throughout the day and left a message, and they still never contacted me back. Oh but they'll gladly pester me about getting a new card in their system since the old one expired :) Except they still make me enter my card details every fucking time before an appointment, and one time it was declining my card despite knowing I had the money (it just said a general error) so I couldn't join the meeting, and had no way of contacting them so I ended up missing it :))

I found a new psychiatrist now, but I really dislike her. I'm sorry but I'm going to go on a misogynistic rant now, I do not care, I am a woman, I am allowed to criticize other women for being ableist towards me. I've noticed female psychiatrist are so much worse than male ones. All the female psychiatrists I've had have been the worst ones I've ever had, sure I won't deny that I have had bad experiences with men, but I feel like the men tend to listen to me at least? (I know that sounds insane, I do not think that for other medical fields absolutely not) I'm sure I have a sample bias, I won't deny that, but god I am tired.

Like I feel like female psychiatrists see someone mentally ill and feel the need to baby them?? Or treat them like idiots that know they have no clue what they could be talking about cause they're just that retarded. I've gotten this treatment way more from women, I just genuinely don't know why. And yes, I know I mentioned my current psychiatrist as 'he', and believe me I am pissed at him, but before he partnered with a larger company he would actually listen to me and believed in what I was saying.

I had an appointment with my new psychiatrist (who I hope at least improves or I can find someone new), it lasted only half an hour, but holy shit. I mention my symptoms and mental illnesses, including ocd which is especially hard to mention to people irl. After I'm done describing some of my symptoms, which I did not describe all because I am not very good at explaining things on the spot, she just goes "I don't think you have ocd, those symptoms sound like xyz and you do not have these very specific symptoms (despite how varied ocd can be)." Fuck You. You've known me for 15 minutes. I literally have an official ocd diagnosis. Yes she wouldn't know that since she hasn't gotten that paperwork yet, but in that case why don't you just shut the fuck up until it arrives. I absolutely know people like to self diagnose themselves with ocd all the time, partially as a joke. She probably has heard that a lot and maybe (hopefully) is "trying" to say I don't have it to not have it be such a misconception. But it goes both fucking ways. The amount of "well meaning" people I've had tell me that I do not have ocd because so many jackasses have self diagnosed themselves is staggering. You are not being helpful to people with ocd. I just have to hide it even more. Tbh, even if I was faking having ocd, what good even is that comment? I'm sure there's some people that would self reflect, but I think most would likely get defensive and double down.

I have another medication that helps with my concentration, and she believes in my other mental illnesses, but for some reason doesn't see how that medication helps me?? Despite describing how much of a life changer it is? I don't want to get into the details about this point really, but she's kinda threatening to take it away from me. This is another problem I've had with female psychiatrists. They seem so judgemental of medications and always try to get me off of mine. They make me feel like they're judging me as some sort of druggie. Maybe it has something to do with those women who believe medications are the devils work and use fucking home remedies like radiated mud or fucking crystals. They always seem to want to give me therapy instead of helping with my meds, despite the fact that I already have a therapist I can contact that actually fucking listens to me and helps me and believes that I have ocd. I swear to god these people want the pay of a psychiatrist but just want to practice therapy. I don't want therapy from you shithead! You don't believe in so many things I've said and seem to ignore anything else.

I can't fucking stand this shit anymore. I'm sure people would think I'm a total baby for getting upset at these things. I wouldn't be this upset if this was a one off. But I'm sick of hearing these types of comments and attitudes. I'm so sick of the jokes about ocd that people will make and then turn around and try to be "allies" by "correcting" me. I am sick of people acting like needing certain meds means your a druggie or a sign that you're a failure. This psychiatrist, and many others will say this shit to me, and then at 5:30 turn in for the day and completely forget this shit they've said, because it's not something they care or need to think about. It doesn't affect them. But I have to constantly deal with these fucking comments. I hate mentioning my ocd irl, but you kind of have to with psychiatrists. So I do. And this is what I fucking get? I have to involuntarily expose part of myself that normally I would only do after long trusting someone, and you take that and just fucking crush it, and you don't even realize it.

[itshyuka]

Hi! Do you mind if I join the teacher convo?:D I was studying to be a high school english and biology teacher at uni a few years ago. In my fourth year I had an insane burnout because we didn't get any support during the pandemic (also the education system went to hell due to politics) so I decided to take a break and put my studies on pause. I started working at a language school where I was overworked and underpaid (they reaaaaallly took advantage of the fact that i didn'thave my degree yet), but my students were amazing and I genuinely enjoyed it, and it actually gave me more experience than any classes at uni. I ended up quitting because of the overworked+underpaid part, and now i'm self employed and teach online, and I love it so much!!😭 I also managed to get back up from the burnout and planning to go back to study, although I will switch to linguistics, I don't think I could join the school system now, I have some real horror stories about my peers doing their internships during the strikes://

Did you always know you wanted to be a teacher? Is it what you'd expected? Also if you could change something about the school system to make it better (for students OR the teachers) what would you do?

It's so excited to see other young teachers!!! Most of my peers switched to something completely different, I think only one person actually graduated from my department 😔

Anyways!! Wishing you a lovely day, thank you for letting me unload all that, didn't know I needed it 😅💕💕

you can unload whenever you want!! happy to listen! especially if it’s about teaching hehe

so sorry to hear that that happened to you!! burnout is the worst…… I never felt quite the same after my first ever burnout. Glad you’re back in a much better mindset 💖 also yes to linguistics!!!! such an interesting field of study.

i’ve also heard my fair share of horror stories unfortunately… so I totally understand people like yourself who don’t want to enter it. it’s such a shame the education industry is rife with all kinds of crappy happenings.

anw um i’ve always known i’d end up in the teaching field sooner or later!! but of course it’s not what younger me expected it to be now that i’m actually a teacher. it’s so much more work behind the scenes than i realised. makes me appreciate some of my favourite teachers growing up a lot more. also it’s so emotionally draining esp when you get a class that doesn’t care 😭

something i’d change??? huh. smaller class sizes comes to mind first. students deserve more personalised help!!! but smaller class sizes means we need more teachers…. and that’s a tough ask when we get piss poor pay for the amount of stress and work we go through (esp in the public system!!) 💀 the overwhelming lack of respect for teachers is also so tough….

i think overall though i’d love to go into education policy down the line and advocate for much better support for teachers. bc better supported teachers means better supported students. like uh increased PAID planning time for one bc bruh ive spent too many nights unpaid and then guilted if i even think of claiming it as paid work… also better access to resources for ALL schools too. like equipment, facilities, textbooks and wifi.

sorry I could go on and on, and i do rant about this topic to a mate in education policy all the time HAHAHA but of course politics is messy and schools are businesses 🙄🤢 this is just my essay speed run. thanks for asking 💖💖 i always love connecting with fellow educators!!! bc i got into this industry to support people and who better to support than other fellow teachers (and also the kids of course) hehe

[poutyniall]

I hope you’re having a good day so far - 🐝

Hey there, love! How are you? Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this message, it made me feel hugged.

I have a bit more free time now 'cause I'm finally done with the 8 days of mandatory training (I don't know who scheduled it but they did such a poor job, from 2 pm to 8 pm every day). It was okay, very theoretical, like how things should be done, which it can't be done in real life 'cause so many factors are not taken into consideration. Still, it was nice but I'm happy it's over 'cause now I'll be able to sit down and write something, hopefully decent.

I'm pissed 'cause I'm working with persons who should lead us, tutor us ect but they don't even know where their nose is. It's really frustrating.

I told my mum I wanna quit uni and I'm miserable and I'm feeling crazy 'cause she said 'I've never told you to do anything' like I've imagined all the things/words she said to me that are engraved inside me, all the pressure and the pain... and now the atmosphere is just tense.

Sorry for the rant.