#sorry i just came back to the game after a little end-of-season break and was overcome by lust and adoration

[sjolldorei]

there's just something about my dracthyr that i find insanely pretty and hot. like. look at their fucking hips, their waist, their THIGHS oh my god their thighs with the little patch of lighter coloured scales in the inside, following down the underside of the tail. their clumsy stompy feet, their GORGEOUS thwap thwappy tail with the cute little spikes on it. their arms, their massive fingers, their soft little palms and their dainty little talons. look at those chest/shoulder spikes, look at the texture they add i LOVE them. i love their giant floppy wings always dragging behind them, wings that show emotion like a catboys ears. little twitches of joy and fear and curiosity.

and have you seen their face??? their stupid little goofy face?? everything is new and exciting and they cannot hide their joy look at those teeth!!!! rows of little lovely needles!! their little lizard tongue that flicks around when they talk, their gorgeous glowing eyes and their massive massive shiny horns.

i love this fucking idiot so much i think they're increadibly hot and loveable.

[zegrasdrysdale]

[ just a fling ] w. johnston

paring: Wyatt Johnston x fem!reader

summary: Wyatt gets mad and insecure when his girlfriend omits the fact she had a fling with Luke Hughes and he finds out through Luke himself on the ice instead of her. some of the Stars (mostly Pavs and Seguin) get involved and try to convince them to talk to save their relationship

warning(s) : asshole!luke (he’s collateral damage sorry), an angry and insecure wyatt, very angsty, language

author’s note : that was the original request, and i tried to write it for joel. i couldn’t do it after trying for weeks so it’s now abt wyatt (after i had spoken w anon). i loved the plot sm i didn’t want to completely abandon it, so here it is for wyatt’s 21st birthday !!

༺═──────────────═༻

Nerves don’t usually get the best of her, but the Stars are playing the Devils in Dallas. It’s not the Devils that she is worried about though.

It’s number 43 on the Devils that she’s worried about. It’s not because she thinks he’ll hurt Wyatt, but because he might tell Wyatt their little secret to get in his head.

No one knows that she once had a summer fling with the youngest Hughes boy.

It was two summers ago when she went to Michigan to spend those warm months with Luke and his brothers at their lakehouse. She always had some feelings for Luke and they hit a breaking point that summer when they started to hookup. He ended everything between them when he left to go back to Michigan for his sophomore season and she came back home to Dallas.

That’s when she met Wyatt when he moved to Dallas for his rookie season. She lived next to the Pavelski’s with her parents and younger brother when they met. She spent a lot of time in that house before she moved into an apartment in downtown Dallas last summer.

She hasn’t spoken to Luke since he left Michigan and didn’t bother telling Wyatt about their fling since it was so insignificant to the both of them. She doesn’t want to acknowledge that it happened.

Her feelings for the defenseman are long gone, replaced by her love for Wyatt Johnston.

She sits with Kate Seguin and Sarah Pavelski in the ninth row off the glass for the game on the side where the Stars did their warmups. She stood at the glass with the wives she came to the game with to support their boys. She has on her playoff jacket from last year to support Wyatt.

If Luke does see her, she wants to make sure he knows that she loves Wyatt. That she’s over him and has been for a while.

The puck drops at center ice and less than twenty seconds later, Wyatt puts the puck into the back of the net. She’s on her feet and cheers for her boyfriend as he gets the scoring started. She pretends to ignore Luke as he skates by and looks at her.

She very much notices.

The crowd settles down and enjoys a 1-0 lead over New Jersey. She can’t stop smiling after Wyatt nets his 25th goal of the season.

“Is there a reason that Luke Hughes glared at you like that when you were celebrating Wyatt’s goal?” Kate asks with curiosity laced in her voice. “There are hundreds of fans he could’ve looked at, but he stared right at you.”

She looks at Kate and says, “I, um, had a thing with Luke a few summers ago. He ended things when he went back to school and I came back home. He told me that I didn’t mean anything to him and that I was the only girl around at the time. I moved on.”

“Does Wyatt know?” Kate questions.

“I didn’t think it was worth mentioning,” she explains. “It was a lifetime ago. Before I even met him. I don’t need to know his history, he doesn’t need to know mine.”

When she looks back the ice, she notices Luke trying to get the puck away from Wyatt. She holds her breath as the puck is kicked out of the corner to Pavs. Wyatt skates away from Luke.

Then Luke says something to Wyatt. Her boyfriend turns back around and looks at Luke. Wyatt shoves Luke and a whistle is blown while the two of them come to blows. It doesn’t turn into an actual fight because they get separated by the referees. There is a lot of shoving and a lot of chirping.

This is the last thing she wanted to happen. Who knows what Luke just said to him?

Whatever was said pissed Wyatt off because he slams the door shut when he gets on the bench. Pavs says something to him and Wyatt motions to the Devils bench, where Luke has just sat down. She bites her bottom lip and holds her breath until the game is over.

Wyatt struggles after scoring the first goal of the night. The Stars as a team struggle throughout the game. They only manage one more goal after Wyatt's.

The buzzer sounds when the clock hits 0:00 after the third period. A lot of the fans have left already as the Devils celebrate their 6-2 win over the Stars. She frowns and makes her way up to the concourse with Kate and Sarah so they can wait for their boys outside.

She's sure DeBoer has a lot to say about the game tonight. The turnovers, the giveaways. They put pucks on net, but only put two past Jake Allen.

Just so Wyatt knows where she's waiting for him, she sends him a text.

to: wy ♡ - 9:54 pm waiting for you outside by the car with sarah and kate. pretty goal tn btw. see you soon <33

It might be a while before Wyatt comes out so she gets comfortable in the passenger's seat of Wyatt's car since he drove them both here to the arena. She scrolls on TikTok while having a conversation with Sarah and Kate. The women alternate sitting in the seat while they wait for the boys.

Kate is about to text Tyler when the doors begin to open. Players walk out in pairs or small ground. Tyler walks out by himself and greets his wife. After greeting Kate with a kiss, he turns his attention to her.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened, but Wyatt isn't very happy with you," Tyler says. "Apparently it has something to do with what Luke Hughes said to him on the ice during their altercation in the first."

Her blood runs colds.

Luke probably told him what happened between them in Michigan. Probably got in his head, which is probably why he struggled after that. It wasn't a secret, but he might see it that way. She didn't think it was worth mentioning to him.

"Thanks," she mumbles as Tyler and Kate walk away from the car.

The door opens again a second later. She notices Wyatt walking with Pavs. They seem to be in a very intense conversation as they leave the building.

"... muication, Wyatt," Joe is saying as they approach the car. "I mean, seriously." Wyatt sighs and looks right at his girlfriend.

Sarah walks up to her husband and they walk away without another word to her or Wyatt.

She smiles at her boyfriend. "You did good tonight," she compliments him. "I thought your goal was nice."

He just rolls his eyes and gets in the car. She pouts and gets into the car herself. Wyatt starts the engine and pulls out of the parking lot.

Not a single word is exchanged between the two of them while he drives toward her apartment. She twirls her thumbs and waits for Wyatt to say something.

If he's really upset with her then he'd tell her, right? Seething doesn't do much.

When it's fifteen minutes later and he pulls up to her apartment, she gets a little worried.

"What did Luke say to you?" she asks as he puts the car in park. "In the first period after you scored."

Wyatt rubs his face and sighs. "It doesn't matter what he said," he says.

"Wyatt-"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? I'm tired and I don't feel like talking about this right now."

She frowns and nods as she opens the door. "Talk to you tomorrow," she mumbles. As soon as the door is closed, Wyatt drives off. She doesn't even reach the sidewalk before he turns the corner.

Maybe she should've told Wyatt about her thing with Luke. She just didn't think it would be a huge thing like it is right now.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Tomorrow comes and goes. So does the next day. She doesn't hear from him.

The Stars recover from their loss to New Jersey in a 4-1 win against the Kings. Wyatt nets another goal and she cheers for him from her apartment. They have a much better game as a team so whatever DeBoer said to them after the loss the other day worked.

She sends a quick text to Wyatt

to: wy ♡ - 10:03 pm congrats on your goal. my favorite leading goal scorer <33

from: wy ♡ - 10:10 pm thanks

to: wy ♡ - 10:12 pm can we talk? come over?

from: wy ♡ - 10:15 pm not tonight. exhausted. talk to you in the morning

to: wy ♡ - 10:16 pm you said that the other day and i haven't heard from you

from: wy ♡ - 10:20 pm goodnight

With a frown and tears in her eyes, she calls Sarah since she probably knows why Wyatt won't talk to her. She picks up after a few rings.

"Hey, did you see the win?" Sarah asks her when she picks up.

"Yeah," she breathes out. "Has Wyatt said anything to you? Or have you heard anything about what happened between him and Luke?" Sarah is quiet for a second. "Sarah, please. He won't talk to me."

There's a sigh before shed says, "Luke used your little fling as a mind trick. He threw it in Wyatt's face. He's mad at Luke for using you to chirp him and he's even angrier at you for not telling him about it. He thinks you kept it from him because you wanted to hide it from him."

"I wasn't trying to keep it a secret from him," she admits as the tears roll down her cheeks. "I didn't think he'd care. Obviously he does."

"I think if he was going to know, he would've wanted to hear it from you and not Luke Hughes," Sarah tells her. "Has he talked to you at all?"

She shakes her head and dries her own tears. "Not really," she says. Her voice is shaky. "I texted him for a bit after the game but he just shut me down. Told me he'd talk to me in the morning, but he said that the other day too and I didn't hear from him until tonight."

There's a moment of silence and she bites her bottom lip. "Okay, I'll get Joe to talk to him," she explains. "Maybe Tyler can get involved too because I know Wyatt look up to him too. Sound good?"

"Yeah," she breathes out. "Thank you."

"You okay, honey?" Sarah asks her. "You sound like you're upset."

"I mean, aside from my boyfriend ignoring me instead of talking to me so I can explain myself, I'm doing great," she says. "I just want him to know that I never meant to hide this from him. It was such a small, unimportant moment in my life. He's acting like I went out with Luke for years when we never labeled anything and basically hooked up for three months."

Sarah sighs. "I know," she replies. "It's Wyatt. He can only ignore you for so long. I'll get Joe to talk to him though, okay?"

"Thank you, Sarah," she sighs. "I'm going to head to sleep."

"Goodnight."

She hangs up the phone after saying her own goodnight. She puts the phone on the table beside her since she's laying in bed and curls up under the blankets.

Hopefully Sarah keeps her promise because she can't do this anymore and it's only been two days.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[ Wyatt's POV ]

Hockey has suddenly become a distraction for him. He throws himself completely into hockey after the game against the Devils. He doesn't talk to his girlfriend because he's so upset and angry with her.

He doesn't care that she had a fling with Luke Hughes. It's the fact that she never told him and had to hear it from Luke himself and not his girlfriend. He used it against him in a game and it threw him off.

Wyatt walks into the Stars' practice facility the day after they win against the Kings. He actually looks forward to practice right now. He's having a great sophomore year and doesn't want to have it to go to shit because he's having relationship issues.

When he walks into locker room, he’s barely able to put his things down when Pavs and Seggy approach him. He looks between them. “Uh, good morning?” he questions. “Why do the two of you look like you’re on a mission?”

Joe looks over at Tyler then back at Wyatt. “Sarah talked to me after we got back from the game last night,” Pavs begins. “Your girlfriend called her after the game in tears because you haven’t been talking to her?”

“I don’t feel like listening to what she has to say,” Wyatt sighs. “She’s just going to defend herself and whatever she had with Luke. She’s going to tell me that she was going to tell me or something. I don’t want to hear that right now.”

His teammates share a look. “She has her reasons for not telling you, Wyatt,” Tyler says. “Whatever they are, you need to hear her out. Not ignore her. Trust me when I say that ignoring something doesn’t end well. Ignoring an issue makes it so much worse.”

He starts putting his gear on. “I can’t do it right now,” he tries to tell them again. “I have other things to work on. I have hockey I need to focus on. Accomplishments to still achieve.”

“You won’t have anyone to celebrate your accomplishments with if you keep acting this way,” Joe tells him. “She’s been there for you since you stepped foot in this league last season. Don’t push her away now because you decided you didn’t want to hear her out. There is probably a reason she didn’t tell you and she has a right to explain herself.”

“This is coming from us, Wyatt,” Tyler chimes in. “We’ve been in this position. More than once so you should at least consider listening to us. Don’t ignore her, okay?” He nods in reply as he pulls on his practice jersey. “Go talk to her when you get done. Don’t lose someone you love over something as stupid as this.”

They walk away and Wyatt sits in his stall.

He knows they’re right. They’re so right, and he should probably listen to them. Pavs and Seggy know what they are talking about when it comes to relationships since they’re both married now.

Wyatt puts on his helmet and makes sure it’s on tight to make sure that Joe or Tyler don’t shoot a puck at his head to put some sense into him. They wouldn’t do it very hard but just to be on the safe side.

It’s probably the worst practice of his life. He’s distracted by the fact that it’s been three days since he had a proper conversation with her.

He’s going crazy without talking to her. He truly misses her. He misses their stupid conversations. He misses her ways of getting his mind off hockey.

He really is an idiot.

Just because he knows there are a few days between now and the next game, Wyatt skates up to DeBoer and asks if he can leave because he “doesn’t feel good” and “doesn’t want to push himself”. His coach lets him go and he leave the ice.

There will probably be a bunch of reports later saying he left the ice early but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is getting to his girlfriend and talking to her.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[ reader’s POV ]

Her phone goes off with a notification while she’s in the living room catching up on Vanderpump Rules. It’s a notification from Twitter that says that Wyatt left the ice early because he’s “under the weather”. She frowns and goes to text him. A knock on her door stops her in her tracks.

Confused, she goes and opens the door. She’s surprised to see Wyatt on the other side. “I thought you were sick? I saw a thing on Twitter that said you left practice,” she comments.

“I’m not sick,” he replies. “I just said that to Coach so he would let me go. I wanted to come apologize for being an idiot.”

She sighs and turns to walk back into the apartment. “It only took you three days to grow up and come talk to me about whatever was bothering you,” she says. She takes a seat on the couch and Wyatt is right on her heels.

“All I want to say right now is that I’m not mad that you had a thing with Luke,” Wyatt tells her as he sits beside her. “I don’t care about that. I care about the fact that you kept it from me then he uses it to get in my head. It worked because I didn’t know it happened and what he said really messed with my head.”

“What did he say to you?” she asks. Wyatt pauses. He looks almost hesitant to tell her. “Wyatt.”

He runs his fingers through his hair. “He called you a lot of names,” he explains. “He said you were a slut, a whore and called you a bunch of other names. He said that you were a ‘good fuck’ when you went to Michigan with him and his brothers. It got under my skin because you’re not any of those things. I know you’re not any of those things but I let what he said about you get into my head and mess with me. I love you and it’s because I love you that I let it get to me.”

Her eyes widen when Wyatt finally tells her what Luke said to him. “I should’ve told you,” she tells him. “Maybe it wouldn’t have affected you if you had known. It was a summer fling. Then I met you and fell in love with you. I didn’t tell you because it was such an insignificant thing in my life.”

He grabs her hands and holds them in his lap. “I would’ve liked a little heads up but you have your reasons for not telling me,” Wyatt replies. “I don’t need to know about all your past relationships if you don’t want to tell me and you don’t need to know all of mine. I would’ve liked to know that a six-foot-two defenseman might try to fight me.”

She smiles and shakes her head. “A six-foot-two defenseman might try to fight you,” she says.

Wyatt laughs and pushes her away gently. “I can’t stand you.”

“So, who talked to you?” she questions. “You definitely would have kept ignoring me if someone didn’t.”

“Pavs,” he admits. “Seggy.”

She laughs. “You took advice from Tyler Seguin?” she asks. “I can’t believe it.”

“If he wasn’t married, I wouldn’t have,” Wyatt laughs. “I absolutely would have listened to Pavs though no matter what.”

His phone goes off with a text. She raises her eyebrows as he looks at it. “Who is that?”

“Seguin asking me why I left practice an hour early,” he replies. “Also asking me how talking to you is going since he knows I’m not actually sick.”

She rolls her eyes and says, “He does care.”

Wyatt laughs and puts his phone away. “Sometimes,” he replies as he turns his attention to her. “I am sorry for just ignoring you. I mean that with my entire being.”

“I know, Wy,” she says. “I’m sorry for not telling you about Luke. I should’ve given you a heads up. I just didn’t think it would matter.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he replies. “He’s an ass for saying all those things about you. I’ll have to get him back.”

“Please don’t.”

“We’ll see.”

༺═──────────────═༻

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[woso-dreamzzz]

Nothing But Net II

Leah Williamson x Netballer!Reader

Summary: You've got one of the biggest games of your life and your girlfriend comes to support you

Your foot tapped on unsteady rhythm on the floor of the locker room.

Your throat bobbed uncomfortably.

"y/n...you feeling okay?"

You looked up in shock at being addressed before slowly letting out a long breath.

Funmi, your club and national teammate, was looking down at you, brow raised.

"Yeah." You coughed. "Yeah, I'm feeling good. Why...Do I not look good?"

She winced. "You look a little...green?"

You chuckled awkwardly. "I...I'm just gonna grab a bit of air. How long have we got?"

"Half an hour...maybe a bit less."

"Cool."

You left the locker room quickly, pacing up and down the hall like your life depended on it. With Metcalf out on injury, you were left to fill the role of Captain.

It's not that you didn't want it - you did, desperately - but you thought that your first game as captain would come at London Pulse during a first game of the season.

Not during a final.

Certainly, not during a final for the Netball World Cup.

"You're certainly looking sorry for yourself."

You rolled your eyes as Natalie Metcalf joined you, leaning against a wall with a grin. "Is it that obvious?"

She shrugged. "I saw your football bird turning up. She really likes her netball, huh? I saw her watching when we played Pulse as well. Is she at all your games?"

The barest hint of a smile pulled at your lips. "Yeah," You said," She tries to, at least. I didn't know if she was going to make this one. She had media stuff to do."

"Tough life." Nat blew out a breath. "Being captain of the national team. You'll find out when you lead us to victory."

The pit in your stomach was back with a vengeance.

"We're against Australia," You were practically whimpering," They've been beating us for a while now."

"Then turn it around," Nat replied," Hell, give your pretty bird a show."

You rolled your eyes. "She doesn't like it when you call her 'bird'. She's got a thing against it."

"Then it's a good thing she's not here. Get out on the court, l/n, and get us this win."

●～●～●～●～

The first quarter had you feeling confident.

Plenty of shots came and went but every time the ball was in your hands, it found home in the net, equalising the score at the very last second.

The second quarter came quickly after that but you had just enough time to grab some water and search the court for Leah - finding her the row behind the coaches, relaxed back in her seat with a cap on and a stupid pair of sunglasses on her face that she knew you hated.

She noticed you looking and grinned, tapping the stupid frames and you sneered at her - though both of you recognised the smile poking through.

By the time the second quarter ended though, you were trailing by four points.

"Listen," You said as the group huddled together tightly, feeling the weight of captaincy on your back," It could have gone worse. This is Australia. It could be going a lot worse but...It could be going better. Keep your heads up. Don't let them get that ball and for heaven's sake, don't forget who you're marking!"

Your optimism faded quickly as the third quarter turned to utter carnage.

Australia shut down every option you had, intercepting and blocking at every turn.

You were getting annoyed.

Your team were getting annoyed.

From the corner of your eye, you could tell Leah was getting annoyed - finally sitting up properly, elbows on her knees as she leaned closer to the court.

"Hey, hey, my girl," She said when the break before the fourth quarter began.

"You're not supposed to be down here," You reminded her quickly, your throat closing up like you were about to start sobbing.

"Don't care," She said dismissively, holding your arms tightly," Listen to me, my girl, you're doing great. You're doing amazing. Don't be so hard on yourself."

You scoffed. "Easy for you to say. You captained the Lionesses to Euros victory. What exactly am I captaining the Roses to? Another Australia defeat."

"Enough," She said firmly, her own 'captain voice' appearing immediately," Don't belittle yourself like that. You're captain material, my girl, both for the Roses and Pulse. Go to your team, knock some sense into them and get them to get you that ball no matter the cost. Got it?"

Her hand reached up to cradle your cheek and her eyes were half wild, refusing to move from your face before you nodded.

"Got it."

●～●～●～●～

Leah watched you walk away from her, glancing at the clock to tell you that you had a minute and a half left before the fourth quarter started.

You grabbed Housby and Cardwell on the way, tugging them into a hastily made huddle.

She couldn't hear exactly what you were saying, but you looked serious - face set in a hard line before you all broke away when the buzzer sounded.

It was the tightest of matches.

Every shot Australia took, the Roses missed.

Every shot the Roses took, Australia missed.

The final minute was counting down and Leah shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

Australia - 56

England - 55

An interception is converted quickly at the beginning of the last minute and you shoot effortlessly - equalising the score with ease.

The game resets.

A fake to the right.

Pass into Australia's third.

Intercepted.

Recovered by England.

Passed into the shooting circle.

Into your hands.

Shot lined up.

Shot taken.

Buzzer sounded.

The ball sinks into the net seconds before the buzzer sounds.

Australia - 56

England - 57

●～●～●～●～

You collapsed to the ground, unable to believe it as the team dog pile you - something incredibly violent when compared to the more restrained way that netballers usually celebrate.

You let out a shaky gasp of air as your teammates are pulled from your body and Leah crashed into you. She held you tight, bouncing you up and down before kissing you soundly on the lips like nobody was watching.

"Told you, my girl. You're captain material."

"Means a lot," You said, adrenaline pumping through your body," From the Euro winner."

"Euro winning hardly compares to World Cup," Leah replied, kissing you again," Gonna put your trophy and medal in the cabinet, my girl. Can't wait to tell Keira and G that we've got more world cups at home than they do."

You rolled your eyes fondly, relaxing into Leah's body as she rained the kisses down onto your head.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" She teased," Winning for your country. Looks good on you."

"Looks good on you too," You replied.

She grinned rakishly. "Yeah? We should do it more often."

[coolprettyleo]

we can't be friends (wait for your love) - luke hughes

luke hughes x reader

wc: 1.5k

tw: angst. fluff. arguing. breakup. no happy ending. not really proofread, got tired lol

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

your life had been going good, a little too good. you should have knew all too well that the daydream you had been in weren't going to last much longer.

luke hughes. the man who had stolen your heart and gave you the best memories a boyfriend could give a girl like you. for someone who's thought themselves to be the biggest hopeless romantic, meeting luke had been the light in your life.

you had met the younger hughes brother at a frat party. he had been running off a high after a good game and his normally reserved nature had cracked due to the adrenaline from the win, it gave him the confidence to flirt with you.

initially, you had thought he was going to be a casual hookup. you were taught the hookup culture early into your freshman year, when you thought the frat guy you slept with at your first ever party the night before was going to give you the time of day, once the cloths came on.

news flash you learnt something that day. men are sluts.

so when the star hockey player started flirting with you, you had thought it to be just another guy who wanted a hookup. you ultimately decided to live out your fourteen year old selves Wattpad dream and entertain the cute curly haired boy.

you were surprised when you opened instagram the morning after to find he had requested you and from there on out, the rest was history.

it didn't take long for you guys to become the golden couple of the university. you attended his games wearing his jersey, met each others friends and families, and most importantly fell in love with one another's nature.

everything was going perfect for the two of you, until the real world decided it wanted to slap you both across the face. hard.

luke's passion was and will always be hockey. you knew that when you met him and ultimately decided to jump into a relationship with him. you loved every part about him, including hockey; it's what made him, him.

the sport didn't come between the two of you until he moved over six hundred miles away to play it.

you knew it was coming, you've both talked about it but unfortunately talking about it and actually saying goodbye is two very different things.

you loved the curly haired boy but you were beginning to wonder if it was all even worth it anymore. it was clear long distance was not working in your favor.

it had been almost a year since he started with the devils. a year since it all went to shit. a year since this 'rough patch' as luke liked to call it started. surely a rough patch couldn't last this long?

long distance usually makes a couple or it breaks them. it seemed to be breaking the two of you.

you rarely got to see your boyfriend due to the fact he's glued to the team during the season, so it was up to you, to fly out and see him.

you hated flying. so almost every time, your stress levels shot through the roof causing the worst headache known to man kind to come across you. automatically putting you in a sour mood when landing.

flashback

"i don't understand why you're being like this, this whole thing is planned around the fact that the team wants to meet you!" luke said exaspertly as he helped her load her bags in his jeep. he talked about you so much that when jack opened his mouth about you coming to visit, the wags were quick to plan a get-together, and you had just said you weren't up for it.

"i'm sorry luke but I feel like crap. i dont want to put up a character and meet new people right now"

"then don't put up a character, be yourself. that's who I fell in lov-" he said as you rolled your eyes, wincing; seeing as it didn't help the slamming feeling in your head.

"I don't want to Luke!" you cut him off. luke took a deep breath and texted jack to let them know you guy's wouldn't be making it.

looking back at it now; it wasn't that serious. but that headache couldn't make you think straight. that had been the first fight between the two of you. you're pretty sure thats when all his friend deemed you to be the villain and told him he deserved better.

you began to believe that and you knew luke did too. you just wanted this story to die, you knew you'd be alright.

luke on the other hand was clinging to every inch of you he could get; while you clinged to your papers and pens; writing about your misery.

you loved to write so of course you were going to pour your emotions into these stories. hoping the book would understand better then Luke ever could.

you two were laying in his bed, cloths sprawled out across his bedroom floor.

you had landed in jersey last night, ready to pretend and be the picture luke painted of you.

the two of you had the best night, it had been a while since you last seen him and an even longer while since you last seen him and everything felt... right.

you should of known a storm was brewing.

you were leaning your head onto his bare chest, legs tangled between each other as you played with his curls, looking up at him. he was growing into being the most handsome man.

"im so happy your here" he said tracing down your arms.

"me too. I missed your face" you said as you leaned up and kissed his jaw as he blushed. moments like these made you want throw away all the doubts you had about the relationship.

"me too. i can't wait to wake up next to you everyday" he said as your blood ran cold. you were tired of tiptoeing and hiding around the fight you knew was to come.

he'd been wanting you to move to jersey since he moved, the only problem being, is that you didn't want to.

"what's wrong" he said as you moved away his heart falling too his stomach.

"remember how I told you I wanted to graduate first?" you said nervously. he knew you were going to graduate early and the excuse of school was soon going to expire.

"yeah, thats pretty soon. we need to start looking for a place, by the way-"

"luke-" you started, wanting to stop it before it got any further.

"I think it'll do good for jack and I to get space" he said jokingly as he kept rambling,

"I know you've always wanted to live in manhattan, we can get a place there, i can commute-"

"im not coming here after graduation" you said with watery eyes.

you were the villain, at least in this story.

you wanted to experience life. you were only twenty one and the idea of that part of your life ending before you even got to begin it made you want to spiral.

"im sorry?" he said looking at you like you just killed his childhood dog. he would wait for your love a million years, if thats what it took.

"luke- im sorry, but I want to experience things. i want to live this life and know every corner of it-"

"i don't understand. why can't we those things together?"

"im sorry" you said standing up, not really sure what to do anymore.

"are we breaking up" he said with a straight face. you knew he was holding back tears.

"for now, yes" she told him as he put his head down.

you weren't heartless, so you took a seat next to him as you wrapped an arm around him.

"hey, look at me luke. this isn't the end, I'll still always care about you, I want to see you succeed hughsey" you told him as he remebered the night he met you and you called him that.

___

future

luke had been doing amazing; breaking records in the NHL and living life like anyone his age should be. his life was going good.

he obviously missed you but he soon learned he was going to be alright, even though a part of him waiting for your love. your love to like him again.

the smarter part of him knew better, the story was over.

he got home from a game that had went amazing for him and set his stuff down as he opened instagram.

the very first picture being, one of you and your new boyfriend. he knew you moved on and moved to nyc. he's actually ran into you before, both of you acting like you didnt break each others heart into a million peices. acting like old friends.

the reason the picture made his heart drop was due to the fact you were holding up a ring as you looked into the eyes of another. another who wasn't Luke Hughes.

he couldn't do it. he tried, he really did. he wanted to see you succeed and live like you wanted, he just couldn't bare to see it without him in it.

he clicked on her profile as he hovered over the unfollow button. he oh so desperately wanted to pretend to be this daydream but he was reminded of the fact their story had ended. he hit the button and knew he'd be alright.

we can't be friends (wait for your love)

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

this was inspired by an edit I saw on tiktok, and obviously the song too lol. I can't find the edit but like yeah!

[katemartinismywife]

you're the one - p.b

☺︎ paige bueckers ☺︎ ☺︎ mini series: part two ☺︎

It had been a whole eight months since Maia had last seen Paige. She missed her like crazy, but she knew how focused the two of them got during the season. Maia had a two-week break before March Madness practices would start.

It wasn't like they didn't talk at all, but it was more like once a month with just a ''how are you'' and ''I miss you''. It wasn't any easier for Paige. She also missed her best friend, but she blamed herself for their distance. She got so engulfed with new people and surroundings she forgot that her person was still out there.

She thought that it was too late to even text how they used to because she knew that Maia found new people. Which was somewhat true, but Maia stayed up late at night even after games to see if she would a call or a text from Paige.

The call never came until one night it went through. "Paige?" Maia spoke half asleep answering her ringing phone. "Yes and no. I'm Nika. Paige's teammate. She is a little drunk and keeps asking for you" Nika spoke shuffling around in the background.

"Um, yeah yeah. Give her the phone please"

"If it isn't Maia Renee Brown I don't want to talk to them" Paige slurred laying her head on the pillow. Maia laughed at her drunk friend and heard Nika talking to her.

"Maia?"

"Hi baby" Maia smiled turning on her bedside lamp. "Maia it is actually you, Nika get out" Paige pushed Nika out closing the door behind her. "I miss you so much, I'm sorry I got so busy. I want to kiss you and cuddle and go on a walk with you. Show you Storrs. Let you meet all of my teammates. Kiss you. Just-" Paige continued to ramble letting everything off of her chest that she's been wanting to tell Maia.

"We can do all of that later, but I think you need to go to sleep" Maia told her getting back into bed herself. "Can you talk me to sleep?" Paige mumbled slowly falling asleep. "Um. I missed you like crazy. Not a second passed when I didn't think about you. I wear one of your sweatshirts to sleep. Whenever someone asks for my number, my mind instantly goes to you and I end up saying no. I love you P. You're my best friend."

"Just best friend?"

"We can talk about that later"

"We should keep our promise this time" Paige spoke before finally drifting off to sleep.

my maia 💗: good night p... and yes we are keeping our promise this time

[h0ck3yl0v3r]

sparks fly

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

lh43 x childhood!bestfriend

warnings: none?!?!

she missed him, and he missed her. with hockey season starting he was a mess. they had gotten paired together for a project in their english class. it was awkward, none of them knowing what to say.

The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm

And I'm a house of cards

they sat in class trying to figure out the topic they should research about. still no words spoken, luke couldn’t help but admire her as she worked. the way her hair kept falling in front of her face, and how she bit the top of her pen from nerves, and the way her eyes were so beautiful.

And you stood there in front of me

Just close enough to touch

Close enough to hope you couldn't see

What I was thinking of

after an hour right before class ended, the two finally found a topic to research on. they settled on how miscommunication can affect ones life. ironic isnt it he thought.

“hey y/n” luke said trying to catch up the girl in a hurry to get back to her dorm.

“what do you want luke.” she said turning to look at the youngest hughes.

“i was wondering if maybe you’d wanna meet after my game, you don’t have to go to it but i figured itd be best if we talk and clear the air since we got paired together.” he said in one breath looking down at her looking for a response.

“okay.” thats all she said. “okay, ill text you after the game, bye y/n.” he said softly, “bye luke” she whispered softly watching him leave.

Drop everything now

Meet me in the pouring rain

Kiss me on the sidewalk

Take away the pain

tonight was a big game, the game against msu. yost was packed, luke was in the locker rooms trying to prepare himself for the game but all he could think about was the one girl who truly made him happy that he hurt. as for her, she was finding her way through yost being dragged out of her dorm by her roommate who was dating one of the players.

as the team skated out for warm ups all the girl could think about was when she’d always attend lukes games, how cute he was in his element, how passionate and focused he is once he hits the ice. she couldnt help but notice how the lighting brought out his green eyes, and how his small smile still has a hold on her.

'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down

Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

the game ended well, umich winning and luke scoring a hat trick, during his third goal in the third period he finally saw you, pointing at you during his celly. your heart melted at that, almost forgetting entirely about why you were mad at him.

My mind forgets to remind me

You're a bad idea

luke quickly finished changing back into his normal attire as you waited for him outside the locker rooms.

once he came out he gave you a small smile which you did the same back.

“care to go for a little walk m’lady?” he said and you couldn’t help but laugh and nod.

you guys walked in a comfortable silence before taking a break on a bench near his dorm.

“congrats by the way, you did amazing tonight.” you said looking up at him a d he smiled whispering a soft thank you.

“i know i said i wanted to talk to clear the air because of the project but it’s more than that.” he said and you nodded for him to continue “im sorry for everything, truly. i miss you so much it physically hurts and i know its not fair the way i treated you, i don’t expect you to forgive me but i just want you to hear my side of the story. i pushed you away because i thought you deserved someone better, someone who could be there all the time, and to have someone you wont have to worry about having to leave one day and do long distance. but in reality i did it to protect myself, because im in love with you, and i didnt want to have to face losing my best friend, or the heartbreak of when i have to leave for the pro’s but i realize now all i want is you, my whole life, its been you.” his voice cracking and leg bouncing from anxiety. you placed your hand on his knee softly rubbing it to comfort him. “lu, i thought you didn’t like me because you became so distant and went after so many other girls, so i never said anything to protect myself, i was so in love with you, the night i left i had cried to quinny, i thought i never had a chance so i pushed myself away too. but im still so in love with you, no matter how much i try to push it away” you said softly as he cupped your face caressing it softly, “i thought you knew, i gave so many hints” and you looked at him confused, “remember all times in high school when guys tried to hit on you and i immediately scared him away, or whenever id call you after a bad game, or when all i ever wanted was to be with you so i came over for like three days, holding your hand or cuddling watching movies that it came to a point my mom had to drag me back home. i thought you knew.” he said tears now falling softly down both of your faces. “im so sorry lu, i never picked up on any of that, i thought it was just because we were best friends.” he wiped your tears away “we were always more than best friends, so much for miscommunication huh? we better get an A on that project” he joked and you couldn’t help but crack a smile and laugh. and as the clouds began crying too, for the first time luke hughes kissed you. the most soft passionate kiss ever. “i love you.” he said pulling away resting his forehead on yours “i love you luke hughes.”

And the sparks fly

-

taglist: @drysdalesv @shy4turcs @ghostfacd @jackquinnswife

[chrisdr3]

Last minute confessions ~ OP81

Fluff and a bit of embarrassment

Summary: In the drivers' dinner in Abu Dhabi, Y/N is forced to confess her crush to Oscar and vice versa.

The 2023 season came to an end with max winning the last race, making it the most dominant season in F1. After that, everyone decided to have dinner in the same restaurant you did last year, but not for saying farewell to someone. You just liked it and wanted to do it again.

Everyone was already at the restaurant, waiting for you. Some of them started to get a bit irritated of waiting. Fernando saw that and decided to talk. "Don't worry guys, you know Y/N, she's probably late because she always wants to look gorgeous for this kind of events." He smiled.

By the time he stopped talking, you entered the restaurant and approached the drivers' table. You had your hair down, some mascara, eyeliner and lipstick applied and you were wearing this. "Hello guys, sorry for being late." You smiled. "It's okay Y/N, you look stunning by the way." Daniel said.

You sat down in the remaining seat in between Daniel and Oscar. After a bit, everyone turned back to normal. They continued discussing, sometimes involving you in their convos. Except from Oscar. He was blushing slightly and wasn't taking part in any of the conversations.

You didn't really mind, as you knew pretty well that oscar didn't talk very much anyways and that he was more of an introverted type of guy. The dinner was going pretty well, and the food arrived quickly. You ate and after everyone finished, all the drivers decided to stay a bit longer and maybe have a drink.

Suddenly, Lando came up with the idea of asking everyone about their love life. Checo, Nico and K-Mag were married with kids , so they didn't bother replying, Max said he was doing fine with Kelly, Lando, Lance, Logan and Esteban claimed being still single, Lewis didn't bother to find anyone yet, Valterri and Fernando didn't answer, even tho there were rumours about them being seen with women.

There were 9 drivers left, including you and Oscar. Zhou didn't answer, as he was talking to the phone, everyone knew that Pierre and Alex were doing really good with Kika and Lily because of their posts on social media, so they just confirmed it. Carlos didn't want to give any info, just that he's doing pretty decent with Rebecca, George was okay with Carmen and Charles said that Alexandra was waiting for him to get back to Monaco.

After Charles stopped talking, Daniel was asked. He answered that he was more than great with Heidi and that they were planning to go at his family's house in Perth for the holidays. Then, only you and Oscar were left. "Y/N, what's going on with your love life? Are you with someone, are you crushing on anyone?" Lando asked, a smirk plastered in his face.

You blushed, embarrassed. How were you going to tell it? All the drivers turned to look at you. You were getting hotter and redder with every single second passing. "Come on, tell us!" Daniel said. You didn't respond. "Okay, I'll help you. Are you crushing on someone?" Max intervened, his voice calm. You nodded yes. "Is it someone from here?" Max continued. "Y-yes..." "Can you tell us who?" "N-no."

Max stopped, thinking for a bit. "Then we'll play a little game." "Okay..." "Is he blond or brunette?" "Brunette." "So it's not K-Mag, Nico or Valterri." "Yes." "Is he European?" "No." "So, that means we're left with Lance, Logan, Checo, Zhou, Daniel and Oscar." "Right." "Is he from America?" "No." "Then there's Daniel, Zhou and Oscar left. It's not Zhou, am I right?" "You're right." "So there ar the two Aussies left."

"It's Oscar..." You mumbled, looking at your feet, face red as a tomato. Then Oscar turned to look at you, blushing, rubbing the back of his neck a bit embarrassed. "Y/N..." He spoke, breaking the silence. You turned your face to look at him. "I-i like you too Y/N..." You looked at him, smiling a bit. He cupped your face with his hands and kissed you gently. After a little, he pulled back, blushing. "S-sorry..." You slid your hand in his under the table. "It's fine."

Everyone applauded for you and then left you to talk, discussing about other things. "Oscar..." You whispered. "Yes?" "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?" He squeezed your hand gently. "Yes."

[magicfootballstuff]

Dirty Little Secret - part 3 (leila ouahabi x reader)

Summary: A love story about secrets, flirty messages, football rivalries, and useless lesbians who don’t know how to communicate. And it all starts with one badly timed challenge in the Champions League.

Leila Ouahabi x Arsenal!reader

Part 3/?

Read other parts here.

———

Your life can be split into two parts - before the Arnold Clark Cup and after the Arnold Clark Cup.

Or before Leila and after Leila.

You return to Arsenal and it’s surprisingly easy to settle back into the club routine and prepare for the next league game. You’d been slightly worried that it would be difficult to adjust, an abrupt return to reality after ten days of secret meetings and illicit hookups, but life at Arsenal is exactly as it was before.

It helps that the Arnold Clark Cup almost feels like it took place in a different reality. What you had with Leila was just a holiday fling between two consenting adults. You’ve both returned to your real lives now.

But then one evening three weeks after the international break, you’re tidying your apartment and sorting through things to have a clearout, when you find Leila’s red Spain jersey amongst a pile of clothes. You trace your finger over the yellow number fifteen on the front, then flip it over to look at Leila’s name on the back. You haven’t yet washed it and when you lift it to your nose and inhale, you’re sure you can still smell Leila’s scent on it, and you know that you didn’t imagine those two weeks at all.

You haven’t talked to Leila since you parted ways at the end of the international break, but seeing her shirt brings a whirlwind of memories that leaves you yearning for something.

Before you even have time to second guess yourself, you’re swapping your sweatshirt for Leila’s football shirt, then sprawling artfully across your bed as you take a selfie from above and send it to Leila.

You Thanks for the new pyjamas

It’s just a bit of fun - just like every other moment you shared with Leila. Part of you doesn’t expect her to reply. And she doesn’t straight away, you’ve given up on sorting and have settled down on the sofa to watch a Manchester City men’s game on the television when your phone finally vibrates with a response.

Leila Looking gooood 🤤

She doesn’t say anything else and you leave it there, not sure what else to say without coming across as too eager, so you set your phone aside and give your full attention to the football.

An hour has passed before another message comes through.

Leila Sorry I was out for dinner but home now

She’s attached an image to her message, a picture of her wearing the England shirt you exchanged with her. Except that she’s wearing just the England shirt, the hem coming down to cover her hips but very little else, her long legs bare.

You Leilaaaaa

Suddenly you don’t care about the football on the TV anymore.

———

Arsenal gets knocked out of the Champions League in the quarter finals by Wolfsburg, which means you miss out on the opportunity to play against Leila again in the semi final. Your last glimmer of hope that you might get to see Leila before a possible meeting during the Euros in the summer is snuffed out.

But when Barcelona beats Wolfsburg to advance to the final, you receive a surprising message a few days later.

Leila You coming to the Champions League final?

You hadn’t really given it much thought to be honest, since your own Champions League journey came to an end and it became irrelevant. The final is after your own season ends and there’s been talk amongst some of your Arsenal teammates of going on holiday together before you all split off into your various national teams for the Euros, but nothing set in stone.

The chance to watch Leila play in such an important match, to possibly even see her lift the trophy that every footballer in Europe dreams of lifting, would be special. But you haven’t seen Leila since the Arnold Clark Cup and there’s not enough of a thing going on between you for it to seem appropriate for you to just show up without Leila’s permission.

You Do you want me to come?

Before even waiting for Leila’s response, you already start checking your diary, working out the logistics of a spontaneous weekend in Turin and whether it fits in with your pre-Euro schedule.

Leila Yeahhhh. I can get a free ticket if you want? Barca friends and family area

You smile to yourself as you type out your reply.

You Aww, am I your friend? 😉 Why do you think I’d be cheering for Barca anyway? Maybe I’m a big Lyon fan

Leila replies straight away.

Leila 🖕

———

It turns out that Leila is serious about her offer of a ticket to the Champions League final, which is why just two weeks after the end of your season with Arsenal and the heartbreak of missing out on the title by just a single point, you get on a plane to Turin by yourself.

You don’t own a Barcelona shirt and though you take the Spain shirt from Leila with you, it stays in your suitcase as you head to the stadium. Having not yet had the chance to talk to Leila in person, you’re still not sure exactly what’s going on between you and it feels like a step too far to show up to one of her games wearing her name on your back. 

Instead, you’re trying to keep a low profile, donning a pair of dark sunglasses in the hope that it’ll make you less likely to get spotted by eager-eyed fans curious to discover why you’re sitting in the Barcelona family section.

It’s easy to get swept up in the atmosphere of the stadium. There are way more Barcelona fans than Lyon fans and the noise they make is immense. You’re a Manchester City fan, an Arsenal player, but tonight you’re a culer. You don’t know the chants but you don’t need to because you get caught up in the pure thrill of it all. Even when Barcelona go one, two, three goals down, the singing continues and there’s still belief that they can pull this back. Alexia gets one back just before half time that feels like a reward to the fans for their belief in the team.

But despite Barcelona’s best efforts in the second half, Lyon’s three goals prove too much to overcome and when the final whistle blows, they collapse to the pitch, exhausted and defeated.

You watch as Leila, who spent the game on the bench, wanders onto the pitch at full time, and your heart breaks for her when you see the hurt on her face and the tears shining in her eyes. You know that Barcelona were favourites and if you’re completely honest, you expected them to win. You thought that you would be celebrating with Leila tonight, but Lyon have the best record in this competition for a reason and now you need to prepare yourself to console her.

It’s quite a lot for something that’s just a casual friends with benefits situation, but then again, so is flying to Italy to watch the final in the first place. 

The trophy ceremony seems to drag on forever, as if you’re down there on the pitch on the losing team yourself. You’ve been on the wrong side of a cup final enough times yourself to know that there are very few worse feelings in football than having to stay on the pitch after losing such an important game and watching another team celebrate with the trophy you wanted to lift, so you know exactly how Leila must be feeling right now.

After the ceremony, the Barcelona players wander over to this section of the crowd and greet their families over the advertising boards. You hang back as Leila exchanges hugs with what you assume to be her family. This moment is for them, not for you, and you know that you need to wait for Leila to beckon you across if she wants to see you. What would you say to them anyway? You can hardly introduce yourself to Leila’s parents as the girl who hooked up with their daughter for two weeks in February. If the roles were reversed, you don’t know if you’d want to explain the situation to your own family.

So you wait, and you keep waiting. 

But Leila doesn’t beckon you over. In fact, she doesn’t even acknowledge you’re there at all.

The longer you’re standing there, the more the doubt starts to cloud your mind. At first it was explainable - there are obviously other people here to see Leila who she would prioritise talking to after the game more than you. But when she moves away from her own family to talk to the family of her teammates, then eventually moves back onto the pitch and hovers around a group of dejected Barcelona players, you start to wonder if Leila has forgotten that she invited you entirely.

Maybe you should’ve been more assertive. Maybe you should’ve stood closer to the barrier so that Leila couldn’t miss you.

You sit down again on the plastic stadium seat and pull out your phone, deciding to message Leila instead

You Sorry about the result but I’m so proud of you anyway! Let me know when you’re free? I can’t wait to see you!

When you look up, you can no longer see Leila. You scan the few blaugrana shirts still on the pitch just in case, but most of the team seems to have returned inside to the dressing room and you can only assume that Leila is one of them. The crowd has thinned out too, even the friends and family sections that were full long after the rest of the fans started to leave the stadium is starting to empty, and you know it’s probably time for you to leave too.

As you make your way out of the stands, you find a quiet corner on the almost deserted stadium concourse and decide to call Leila. You’re not sure if she’s checked her phone yet since the final whistle, so it’s not exactly a surprise when it rings straight through to her voicemail, but you decide to leave a message anyway.

“Leila, it’s me,” you say. “Listen, I…” You let out a sigh, then say, “I know you must be hurting right now. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling and I … and I just wish I could do something or say something to make it better but I can’t. But I’m proud of you. Just getting to the final is an achievement. Shit, I know that’s not what you need to hear right now but…”

You lean your head against the nearest wall and close your eyes in frustration, fully aware that you’re rambling almost nonsensically at this point.

“I’m here if you need me,” you continue. “Or if you don’t, that’s fine too. I’m leaving the stadium to get some food, then I’ll probably go back to my hotel, but just let me know you’re okay?”

You hesitate for just a few seconds, unsure how to sign off, before you panic and just end the message there. 

“Fuck!” you growl.

You turn around to lean your back against the wall, only to realise that the concourse isn’t as empty as you thought, but that two fans in Barcelona shirts have just witnessed your outburst.

“Sorry,” you apologise to them, but they don’t seem bothered by your swearing. In fact, they actually approach you, a little giddy, and you suddenly remember that you’re not as anonymous as you’d often like to be.

“Can we get a selfie?” one of the girls asks, taking out her phone. “My friend is a huge Arsenal fan. You’re one of her favourite players.”

You force a smile onto your face. Normally you don’t mind fan interactions, in fact it usually warms your heart to know that there are people out there who you don’t even know who support you and look up to you, but there’s a time and place for that and you’re really not in the mood right now. Despite that, Leila is to blame for your sour mood, not them, and you’re not going to take out your frustrations on a couple of innocent fans.

“Of course,” you tell them, positioning yourself so that one girl stands on either side of you and smiling at the outstretched phone of the girl on the left.

“Thank you,” they say, once the selfies have been taken.

“No problem,” you reply, and you only let the smile slide off your face when they’re out of sight.

You really need to get out of here. And fast.

———

You thought that by distancing yourself from the stadium and the match, it might ease your mind a little. But by the time you get back to your hotel with a paper bag of takeout food, you feel more uneasy than ever. 

Leila is still silent. No texts, no calls, nothing on social media. 

You replay your voicemail message over and over again in your mind, each word sitting like a brick on your chest, making it difficult to breathe. Was it too much? Surely Leila would have messaged you when she was ready. What if your message comes across as needy, as smothering? What if you’re only pushing her away further?

Fuck. Leila probably doesn’t even want you here at all. You’re only a hookup to her, a bit of fun to pass your downtime during the Arnold Clark Cup. You were wrong to read anything more into the invitation to watch the final. She can only have wanted you here on standby, a plaything to use as a celebration if Barcelona won the trophy. But they didn’t and she doesn’t need you, she doesn’t want you.

The more you spiral, the more you want to speak to her. Just a single message, a word of reassurance or even just an acknowledgement that she’s not in the right headspace to see you tonight, would be enough to settle your anxiety.

As it is, you’re alone in a hotel room in an unfamiliar city with nothing but a bag of food and your own intrusive thoughts.

You want to call someone, to talk to a friend before you completely fall apart. Leah, perhaps. You’ve known her forever and out of all your friends, she’s probably the least likely to judge you if you call her up out of nowhere in floods of tears and tell her you’re having a breakdown in a hotel room in Turin over some girl you hardly know. In fact, Leah is such a good friend that if she knew you were distressed, she’d probably hop on the first flight to Italy to comfort you in person.

But Leah is on holiday in America and she deserves the time off before the Euros without having to worry about her idiotic best friend having girl problems on the other side of the world.

You’re just going to have to deal with this alone.

Hot tears spill down your face and you cocoon yourself beneath the bedcovers, wishing that the bed would swallow you whole.

You don’t know how you could’ve been so stupid to think that this meant something, how you could’ve been so stupid to catch feelings for Leila when there are clearly far too many obstacles between you for it to ever work out. In your defence, it’s only now that you’re starting to realise that you are catching feelings for her, but still… you could’ve done more to stop it from happening in the first place.

The doubt and the self-loathing clouds your mind and you cry it out until you can’t cry anymore, until you finally succumb to exhaustion, passing out into a dreamless sleep with tear-stained cheeks.

———

You wake up alone, having had a bad night’s sleep, to several messages from Leila, which can be summed up by the most recent one.

Leila Can I see you today?

The rest of her messages, all sent within the last couple of hours this morning, are a mixture of pleas and apologies.

You’re still pissed at her for not responding to any of your messages last night. But you flew all the way to Turin at Leila’s request, used the ticket that she gave you for free to watch the match, and you don’t fly back until later today. And, despite your anger, you do still want to see her.

You’re not going to make an effort though, which is why you message her back with the address of your hotel. If Leila wants to see you, then she can be the one to make the effort to come and see you herself.

When she arrives at your hotel, you decide to meet her downstairs in the hotel restaurant, instead of inviting her up to your room. There’s less temptation to let her seduce her way back onto your good side if you meet in public.

Leila looks like shit - that’s your first impression. She looks like she’s had even less sleep than you have, her eyes puffy, her expression weary, her usual smile absent. 

If she hadn’t pissed you off yesterday, you’d probably hug her. 

Instead, you just let her sit down across from you and ask her, “Do you want to eat?”

She shakes her head. 

“I’m not hungry today.”

“Coffee, then?” you suggest, because she definitely looks like she needs it.

Leila nods. 

You’ve already ordered yourself a coffee (you’re normally a tea person but you don’t want to risk the Italian tea not being to your taste) and a sandwich, but you call over the waiter once more for Leila.

“So what happened?” you eventually ask, once Leila has ordered her coffee.

“I’m sorry,” Leila apologises with a shrug, and from the way that her eyebrows are furrowed together, it seems like she’s having a difficult time trying to hold herself together.

“Sorry for what?” you ask, waiting for her to admit that she messed up, but when she doesn’t, you continue talking. “I flew here by myself, I sat in the family section surrounded by people I don’t know, all speaking a language I don’t understand. The only person I knew in this city yesterday was you. You invited me here. I thought you wanted me here.”

“I want you here,” Leila pleads with you. “But a lot happened yesterday and it was too much.”

“I get that. You think I’ve never lost a cup final? I came here to support you, win or lose. And then you hurt me. You made me feel like an idiot.”

The effort that Leila has been putting into not falling apart crumbles and the sobs heave through her body, shoulders trembling and tears spilling down her cheeks. Annoyed with her or otherwise, it’s not nice to see, and you feel a pang of regret that your harsh words have upset her.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you say, reaching for one of the unused napkins on the table and passing it across to Leila, letting your fingers brush against her hand as you do. “I’m pissed off, but I don’t want to see you cry. I don’t care that you didn’t win the Champions League. I would’ve loved to watch you lift that trophy but I’m proud of you anyway for making it to the final.”

Leila uses the napkin to wipe her tears, and the silence, as well as the sad look in her eyes, compels you to keep talking.

“And it’s not like I was expecting anything from you yesterday either,” you tell her. “If you didn’t want to see me or you were too busy, that’s fine. But just one message to let me know what was going on and I wouldn’t have been left waiting around feeling stupid.”

“I know, I know,” Leila says, her voice cracking ever so slightly. “So much stuff is happening right now. It’s all too much. But you’re right, I should have messaged.”

You don’t know what to say. It almost feels like you’re back to square one, like you don’t even know Leila at all. But then you realise - do you even know Leila? It’s not like you’ve actually spent any time getting to know each other. There’s an obvious attraction between you, and physical chemistry too, but do you actually have anything in common beside your profession?

“Can I make it up to you?” Leila blurts out.

“How?” you ask.

You’re expecting a smirk to slide across Leila’s lips and for her to suggest you go somewhere private for her to apologise to you in a more physical way, but instead, she looks you straight in the eye and says, “Come to Barcelona?”

“When?”

“This week. We have another final - la Copa de la Reina. You could come to the game.”

You let out a sigh. You can’t put yourself through what you’ve been through this weekend again, as tempting as it is to just forgive Leila and succumb to her request. Yet despite the fact that you cried yourself to sleep last night because of Leila, you can’t deny the fact you’ve still got a soft spot for her and it’s incredibly difficult to say no to her.

“I’ve got an England camp coming up soon,” you try to reason with her. “We’re starting our Euro prep.”

“Just for a few days,” Leila pleads with you. “I really want you to come. Please.”

“I can’t just drop everything at short notice,” you tell Leila, though your plans for the next couple of weeks don’t involve much more than relaxing as much as possible before getting straight back to work with the Lionesses.

“Okay,” Leila says, and though that’s all she says, you can tell she’s disappointed.

Would it really be so bad if you said yes? Would it hurt to give her another chance? You don’t want what happened yesterday to ruin what’s been going between you forever, which means forgiving her at some point. Maybe a little holiday in Barcelona, especially before you enter the biggest summer of your life so far, is exactly what you need.

It’ll be like the Arnold Clark Cup all over again, an escape from reality until you have to return to life as a footballer and Leila’s on-pitch rival.

“Fine, I’ll look at flights to Barcelona,” you concede. “I can give you two days, maybe three, before I need to be back in England.”

“Thank you,” Leila says, smiling at you gratefully.

She reaches into the little bag that she brought with her and pulls out a piece of blue and pink fabric, and as she unfurls it you realise it’s a Barcelona shirt.

“My jersey from yesterday,” she explains as she passes it across the table. “To thank you for coming to see me. If you can come to Barcelona next week, you could wear it to the final?”

Wearing Leila’s name to one of her matches sounds serious. It sounds like a commitment. As is flying to Turin, or even to Barcelona to watch one of her games, but that hasn’t quite gone to plan.

Things were so easy when you were flirting from different countries, or sneaking around St George’s Park for a bit of fun. The rational part of your brain tries to warn you that it’s probably not a good thing that at the first sign of this perhaps actually being a little more serious, it’s resulted in this misunderstanding and both of you getting upset.

But the pleading look in Leila’s bloodshot eyes is impossible to say no to.

“Thanks,” you say, refolding the jersey and setting it aside.

“When do you go home?” Leila asks.

“This afternoon,” you answer. “My flight’s just after four. You?”

“In a couple of hours,” Leila tells you. “I can’t stay much longer. Only Patri knows I’m not at the team hotel.”

You can’t help but smile, reminded a little of the way you both snuck around St George’s Park back in February, only now your secrecy has led you to fly to a whole different country while Leila has snuck across town to see you.

This thing between you, this connection that has been growing since that tackle back in Barcelona, is far from easy. But aren’t the best things in life worth the fight?

“Come here,” you say, pushing back your chair and getting to your feet.

You hold your arms out wide until Leila understands and gets up too, stepping around the table and into your embrace. Her arms wind around your back as you pull her close, burying your face into her shoulder 

“Thank you for giving me another chance,” Leila mumbles into your hair.

You don’t say anything in response, instead simply squeezing her closer and savouring the feeling of her body against yours. If you can make the logistics of a trip to Barcelona next week work, it won’t be long until you can hold her again like this, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to make the most of every second you can get with her before you have to go in separate directions again.

If this tumultuous weekend in Turin has taught you anything, it’s that you can’t take anything for granted.

[sunshine-theseus]

Put Your Head On My Shoulder | Jessie Fleming x Reader

Words: 4k Summary: you and jessie go through many ups and downs but things work out in the end Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of depression and taking medication for it, covid didn’t happen, pretending the game vs real madrid was at Stamford bridge not in Spain

Jessie Fleming and I met at the 2015 world cup, both freshly 17 and competing in our first big tournament. Despite the fact we didn’t play each other, I found myself stumbling into her on the sidelines of Canada’s game against The Netherlands. Words were exchanged but we didn’t see each other again until the next year.

We knew we were both on athletic scholarships for the Bruins at UCLA and promised to try and meet outside of training to keep in contact without sport. It was surprising however, when my box was knocked out of my hands as I crashed into the young Canadian, both of us trying to enter the same room. She was clearly struggling to see over her own stuff, stumbling over words as her cheeks flush a very familiar red, trying to apologise.

“J, if you say sorry one more time I’m asking for a new roommate. Which I had no idea we were until now.” I crouch to pick up my books and writing equipment that was in my box as Jessie tries to manoeuvre to her decided side of the room.

I give up and rush to help her when she stumbles over her own foot and nearly goes flying.

“Jessie! You’re going to break something before the season even starts Jesus Christ be careful!” my hands gripped her waist tightly to stop her from tilting forward, then I grab the top box so she can actually see. The same red blush covers her cheeks.

“Sorry, my mum just insisted I try to take all my stuff in as little trips as possible, which is proving to be difficult. I’m sorry about your books.” With her stuff firmly on the ground she finally looks as me.

“They put the Australian and the Canadian in the same room knowing we just basically kicked you out of the Olympics?”

“You did not!” the joke was rare coming from her. She was funny and kind but still rather serious and shy, preferring studying statistics and players over team bonding or spending time with people after a game.

I understood that, I felt that, and that’s how we worked. Us against the world. We trusted our team and confided in them, but we’d really only want each other in times of need. Obviously there were people like Sam or Christine, who were like our big sisters for our respective national teams, but Jessie and I were just drawn to each other.

-

After UCLA came Chelsea. Both of us were about to start our last year of uni when her offer came through, far before mine.

By this point we’d been inseparable for four years, so I worried we’d be split; her making the move to England and me stuck in our dorm. Except it’d be much emptier and lonely, or filled with some stranger’s things.

And it was just like that. Time zones caused issues with keeping in contact. Eventually that became other things. Study, because she still had to finish her course. Team bonding, practice. What would be a call once a day became once a week until it filtered out, and her texts would be answered in seconds while mine sat in wait for whenever she decided she was free.

My offer came in the January transfer window. Emma had been in contact with me for a couple months, clearly trying to convince me, and 6 months ago I wouldn’t have even thought about it. But when I stare at the ‘merry Christmas’ and ‘I got the offer’ messages left unread and think about seeing the girl I thought would never leave me, I take the time offered.

And a week later I find myself sliding into Sam’s spare room groaning into the pillow as she fusses over the Australian snacks I did manage to get through customs.

“What’s got you in a mood chickadee?” I feel the bed dip beside me and her hand rubs my back.

“J.” the older Australian lets out a hum before taking a moment to reply.

“She talks about you all the time. About how much she misses you and everything you got up to at uni. All of which I already know because I hear it every camp.” I can feel the joking eye roll despite not seeing it.

“She talks about me but doesn’t talk to me. That means nothing. And I know she’s busy but so was I. Just because I was captaining a university team instead a stupid professional team doesn’t mean I wasn’t busy or doing something important! And I still kept in contact!” by now I’ve rolled over onto my back and started fiddling with Sam’s tattooed fingers, trying to distract myself from the pit of loneliness and despair that’s been slowly eating my stomach.

I dare not mention to anyone the decline in my mental health or the required psychology sessions Emma was going to provide for me once every few weeks. Everyone knew I was sad and that’s all they needed to know. But once upon a time, Jessie would have known everything, holding my hand tightly the whole way.

“You should sleep, big first day tomorrow. I’ll make you breakfast. Alarm-”

“8:30, I know. Every day, same time. Thank you Sam, really.” She smiles and pats my head before leaving.

-

To say my first day didn’t go well would be somewhat of an understatement. At exactly 8:30 my alarm went off. At 8:32, the pill bottle rattling at the bottom of my bag was fished out and 1 was being washed down by water. At 8:43, Sam was banging on my door calling for breakfast and I was rushing to make sure the pill bottle was hidden after changing. No one needs to know I’m taking anti-depressants, including Sam.

When we pulled into Cobham, I started to feel sick, and I told Sam just that.

“I’ll catch a train home.”

“It’s just nerves, you’ll be fine.”

“No-”

“You stay until at least lunch time, then we’ll see.” A pointed finger is shoved into my face, but I begin to stroll alongside her anyway.

I do almost book it for the nearest train station as soon as I enter the locker room. Sitting in the cubby next to mine, tying her shoelaces, is Jessie Fleming. During the chaos of the move and my first day, I manage to forget the way our numbers are right beside each other.

“You’ll be okay. You don’t even have to talk to her.” Sam whispers as she makes her way to her own cubby, greeting people on her way through.

So I try. Placing my bag in the nook and beginning to change into my training kit without the Canadian even looking up. It’s when I place down the same styled Tiempo Legend 8s I’ve been wearing since they released, that I can see her head turn from the corner of my eye. I don’t acknowledge it, continuing to slide the boots onto my feet and tie them up. But that doesn’t stop her.

“Oh my god! Hey!” there’s a lightness in her voice that I used to be so familiar with and it makes my heart clench.

I take a moment before deciding replying would be too rude for my liking.

“Hi.” Short and simple, and quite blunt.

“I didn’t know you signed, or that you even got the offe-” forget being nice.

“You would’ve known if you bothered to keep in contact with me.” With that I slide out of my seat beside her and make my way to Sam.

-

It gets worse when Emma splits us into pairs for dribbling drills, and she slides me toward Jessie.

“Of course.” I sigh but accept my fate as a ball rolls our way.

“What’s wrong?” a phrase that, coming from her mouth, used to have me spilling every small emotion I was feeling.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Come on Beans, tell me.” The nickname had been created in our first year of university. She learnt I loved green beans and I’m rather tall, so the name fit. But she didn’t feel like the same person who I let make the funny name.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

“What? Because I moved?”

“No! You left for Chelsea and I was happy for you, we had a plan to stay in contact until I followed along to somewhere in England. But you stopped trying. You stopped answering. You left me alone when I needed you the most. I would’ve done anything for you to have the career you deserved but you got it, without me. I just thought I’d still have my best friend when it happened.”

To say that training was tense from then on wasn’t a stretch. Emma never paired us up and any time one of us entered the locker room, everyone else would wait in silence for a burst similar to the one on the pitch. It never came.

It was after my first session with the psychologist that things began to change.

Because the psych was only here for me, Emma was kind to lend her office to us for the 50 minutes while she did other work around the grounds. I assume the girls were grateful to escape the tension for the moment.

“Same time, 2 weeks from now! It’s good you’re making progress!” The rather lovely lady shouts just as I’m closing the door, waving and smiling in thanks.

But as I turn around, I nearly bump into a small figure. A rather familiar one at that. Jessie begins to fall backwards but I grip her waist, holding her in place. It’s a familiar scenario, the feeling of my hands on her waist and her burning red cheeks are something I struggled to ever forget.

“T-thanks” her cheeks burn that same red.

“No worries.” I mumble in reply as I remove my hands, taking a step back.

“Who were you talking to? That didn’t sound like Emma. And what are you making progress on?” the questions don’t come rapidly but I still struggle to process them. Jessie’s smart, she can put two and two together, so I should tell her. But what if she laughs? There was a time where the thought wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, she’s not that type of girl. But things change.

“I- I-” Jessie places a gentle hand on my arm and nods, confirming it’s okay to take my time, but please continue. I sigh.

“She’s a psychologist.”

“A sport psychologist?”

“Well yes and no. I… I’ve been diagnosed with depression, and Emma wants me to have someone professional to talk to.” Her grip tightens but I know it’s in concern.

“When- when did you…”

“A couple months ago. Don’t worry, it wasn’t just because of you, a lot of things happened.”

“But it was partially because of me. I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. You’ve always been there for me and I got here and treated you like shit. Discarded you like you were nothing. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” tears well up in her whisky brown eyes, but I smile.

“J, if you say sorry one more time, I’m asking for a new roommate for the away match against Man City. Which I did know we are… for once.”

“You can’t just forgive me.”

“I’m not, it’ll take time, but I want my best friend back. Sprout.” Jessie charges forward and wraps her arms around my waist.

“I’d do anything.” Her voice is muffled as her head presses into my chest, but I smile.

~~~~~

Things changed once again a few months after that. The 2020 Olympics had been delayed due to natural disasters, but we still found ourselves milling around the Olympic village together in our very little spare time. I also found myself admiring her for every little thing, every detail. Eventually I had to admit to myself that I’d developed a crush on the girl.

“What’s going on in that busy brain of yours?” Jessie had been by my side every step of the way with my mental health after she found out, and this question wasn’t uncommon, but the answer would be.

“I know this could ruin things, I’m very aware of that, but I have to tell you now otherwise I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to.” Gaging her reaction was difficult, Jessie was a very stoic person.

“I-, I’ve found myself growing feelings for you. Feelings that surpass best friends, or how I feel when you show up for me. I like you, a lot. And I need you to know that. Standing in the middle of a pathway surrounded by half naked athletes in Olympic Village, I like you.” I look her in the eyes. Those burnt umber eyes, so warm and comforting, that always draw me in.

“I really like you too. Everything about you. I want to care for you and be there when you need me. I want to wake up in your arms and be able to admire every feature as the sun beams down on you like the miracle you are. I would even go as far as saying I desperately want to be your girlfriend.” I barely let Jessie finish what she’s saying before I lean down, a significant way, and kiss her with everything in me.

~~~~~

2 and a half years later and Jessie hasn’t left my side since. Most of our quarrels are just that, silly fights that are solved by the end of the night. We moved in together after 3 months and were rarely been seen apart.

That included tough games.

Real Madrid was our first game of the Champion’s League season, and we knew it was going to be hard. They were physical most importantly, so we had to play to that. We knew that when we were up 2-1 in the 78th minute.

“Jessie Fleming challenges Athenea Del Castillo, barley missing the ball and clipping Athenea on the foot! Oh, and the ref is calling for a penalty. I’m certain first contact was outside the box.” Is what would be heard by anyone watching the match through a screen, but you didn’t need a commentator to know the ref made an unfair call.

The contact was clearly outside the box and yet we’re forced to line up and watch Olga Carmona take the wrongly rewarded shot, me grasping Jessie’s hand in my own as a way to reassure her.

It’s obvious the referees are against us when Niamh makes a shot on goal, the ball sliding in, but it’s claimed offside. Something to do with Sam supposedly messing with the defence, another false claim. There’s nothing we can do when the final whistle blows and we’re tied, all of us dropping to the ground in exhaustion and disappointment.

After shaking hands with the Madrid players and briefly talking with Hayley to catch up and talk about things that happened between our last camp and now, I travel toward Jessie.

My girlfriend stands solemnly with her head in her hands. I managed to pull them away momentarily to see the tears drifting down her cheeks, but she’s pulling her hands away and turning around before I can ask what’s wrong.

“Darl, it’s not you’re fault.” I don’t want to invade her space while she’s upset so I walk around her and simply stand, hoping she’ll reach for me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Jess-”

“Leave me alone Y/n.” not another word is uttered as she turns toward Fran and Niamh and walks away from me.

I similarly turn to Sam and Erin, with a shocked look, jaw hanging and rejected tears looming on my water line.

“She probably just needs to be alone.” As Erin tries to comfort me, we all turn to look at the subject of the conversation, only to see her being comforted by Fran, Niamh and Ashley, despite her effort to insist she’s fine.

“Maybe I didn’t push hard enough?”

“No you should never push when they clearly need space.” Sam places a reassuring hand on my shoulder

“But why is it only me she needs space from? I’m supposed to be the one she seeks comfort in. That’s what girlfriends do.”

“I don’t know chickadee.”

-

I expect Jessie to already be back at our apartment by the time Erin drops me off. Our shared car had been taken from the parking lot at the stadium and Jessie had disappeared, so those dots connected themselves. But our designated parking space is empty as I stroll along the bitumen.

There are no familiar white shoes next to the door in the same exact spot she puts them every day, no kit bag hanging on a hook, waiting to be washed tomorrow. No Canadian waiting in our bed, curled up in one of my already oversized shirts or hoodies and shorts, begging me to hold her.

I try not to worry when I call her and she doesn’t pick up. Maybe she went the long way and there was traffic? So I call Niamh to ask her if she knows where Jessie went. She doesn’t have an answer. Then I try Fran, and Zecira, and even Emma.

I ask everyone to try and call her too, Sam offering to take Kristie and search every corner of London, Erin offering the same. It’s midnight by the time I give up trying to contact her, asking Aggie if I could borrow her car tomorrow to look around if she wasn’t back, her living down the road from us. The young forward is insistent on joining me if it comes to it.

When I wake up the next morning and find Jessie curled up against me, in one of my hoodies and shorts, relief washes over me. Her brown curls are messy, her soft pink lips cracked open to allow air into her lungs. The sun trickles in through the curtain and lights up her face, freckles looking like bursts of light against her skin. Her eyes are still puffy from last night and tears have dried upon her cheeks, and I can’t resist the urge to reach up and lightly wipe them away.

As my thumb drags across her tan skin, tracing her face, her eyes flutter open, and I remember how easy it is to get lost in them. So warm and inviting.

“Mornin’ honey.” I press a gentle kiss to her nose, her cheeks, her forehead and her eyelids.

“I’m sorry for last night. I just felt horrible, if only I didn’t make the tackle.”

“I know darl, but that’s what I’m here for. I love you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you yeah? I was bloody worried though.” Jessie nestles her head into the crook of my neck and nods, pressing her own kisses on any skin she could reach.

I wrap my arms around her and pull her up until she’s laying on my chest instead. My cold hands sneak under her hoodie and she jumps from the shock, swatting at my hands beneath the fabric.

“I reckon I make us some tea and brekkie and then we can do whatever you want all day. How’s that sound?” I flip us over so Jessie can go back to sleep for a while, but she clings onto me, pulling me down aggressively by the front of my old Chelsea travel shirt. Her lips press against mine with energy and love and I get caught up in the feeling. A moan slips past someone’s lips, which of us I’m not quite sure, but I slowly pull away, trailing kisses down her neck until I reach her collar bone.

“Let’s save that energy for later yeah?” I swiftly wink as I finally roll off the bed.

-

I’m making scrambled eggs when I feel Jessie’s arms wrap around my waist. She presses soft kisses across my back as I sway us back and forth to the slow jazz song spewing from the record player.

The next song comes on and I abandon the meal completely, turning off the stove and twisting myself in Jessie’s hold so I can face her. I take one of her hands in mine and rest the other on her waist, her spare landing on my shoulder.

“Put your head on my shoulder; Hold me in your arms, baby” the lyrics continue as we follow along, her head resting against my chest, my chin balanced on top. We dance slowly through the kitchen, the music carrying throughout the house.

As the song finishes, I dip Jessie, leaning over her as her leg kicks out. My gaze flickers between her eyes and her lips and within seconds I’m kissing her again, still in the dip. When I pull her back up, she jumps into my arms and pulls my lips to meet hers for more, the force making me stumble back into the counter behind me.

“I want to slow dance with you around our house when we’re old and can barely kick a ball anymore. Our kids and grandkids playing around while it just feels like the two of us. Because it’s always been the two off us and I never want that to change.” Jessie whispers against my lips. My heart clenches with love as I take her in.

“Will you marry me?” The words escape both our lips almost in complete synchrony. I almost drop her, but my grip on her thighs upholds as I kiss her again, and again, until I can’t kiss her anymore.

-

“I stole this video from Y/n’s phone not long after Jessie and her broke the news of their engagement. Y/n had texted me that morning saying she wanted ideas for a ‘day in the life of a woman in love’ video she planned on making that very day, and I knew that she would have forgotten all about the phone while she and the love of her life shared a special memory together.” Sam takes a pause to look at Jessie and I, sitting side by side at the front of the room.

“What isn’t shown in the video, is the ring that was sitting in the pocket of Yn’s shorts, waiting to be place on the only hand it was made for. The ring went with her everywhere for at least a month before this cute dance proposal. Every day in training, Y/n would tell me a new plan she had come up with to ask Jessie to marry her, and I always told her ‘you should do it when the moment feels right. Don’t force it.’, as I clearly had experience with this sort of thing… And she told me that was a bunch of absolute bullshit.” Our friends and family laugh while my wife’s face drops in shock, her elbow lightly nudging my side. I let out a snicker and kiss her cheek, wiping off the lipstick residue that is left behind.

“Well it turns out I was right. As always. And I’m honoured to be standing here as a best woman in front of two of my best friends, the most amazing young players out there, two people who were made for each other; sculpted by the stars and the earth, to be in each other’s lives, celebrating that love. You’ve both overcome a lot, personally and as a couple, you deserve this love.” A tear escapes my eye as I stand to hug Sam.

“Now can the two nerds please make their way to the dance floor for their first dance?” I take Jessie’s hand in mine and pull her along.

Her suit coat is left on the back of my chair and her waistcoat is unbuttoned and she looks fucking good. Her hair rests on her shoulders and her slack pants fit perfectly around her thighs. Jessie holds part of my dress train, so we don’t trip as we hold each other in similar fashion to the day that led to this, the same song playing on the large speakers in each corner of the room.

“Put your head on my shoulder Whisper in my ear, baby Words I want to hear, tell me Tell me that you love me too”.

Jessie stands on her tippy toes, my heels not helping our height difference.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[pandorasprongs]

CHAPTER FOUR | come home to my heart.

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist | previous chapter

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

SUMMARY: jamie tries to get reader to forgive him.

WARNINGS: language

A/N: hello! sorry for such a long wait, i've been on vacation. i also haven't been able to proofread huhu but hopefully the interlude prepped ya'll for this moment because a good chunk of this one is from jamie's pov! don't have much to say because i don't want to spoil much hehe but enjoy jamie's comeback!

Losing Jamie for a second time felt the exact same: like absolute shit. Except this time, you were an adult and couldn't sulk in your room all day. So for the next few weeks, — aside from said crying sessions — you've been dragging yourself to all of your lectures and powering through office hours as if nothing happened.

You already told Liv about it the morning after, and after seeing your bloated face and the fact that you had a massive hangover, she decided to withhold her 'I told you so' speech, much to your relief. 

It was unraveling the exact same way as last time and the cherry on top was the fact that Jamie wasn't reaching out in any way, shape, or fucking form. No texts, calls, or anything. 

Every now and then, you'd think about reaching out yourself. It was you who yelled at him that night and told him to leave, but you would shake your head every time. No, if Jamie really wanted to preserve your relationship, he would have to be the one to reach out. You got to say your piece and that's it.

And maybe you were being a little petty, taking down all your photos with him from the shelf and stuffing them in a box with all the tokens from Jamie that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away, but at least it stopped you from nearly breaking down every time you passed your hallway.

Jamie wasn't taking it so well either, despite what you assumed.

After that night, he had this sinking feeling in him. He knew he fucked up, — ghosting you and treating you like a complete stranger at the pub in front of his teammates, — but it hurt even more hearing you shout and tell him how badly it fucked you up.

To this day, he doesn't know why he did it, really. Maybe it was the fact that he felt guilty for never talking to you after you left. Or maybe you were right; he cared too much about what his teammates thought that he ended up hurting you in the process. But no matter the reason, he ruined one of his most important relationships that night.

So what was he going to do? What he always did. Ignore it. Focus on the season, despite the fact that Richmond has been on a losing streak since the West Ham game. While Jamie might be off his game because of you, he wasn't going to acknowledge that. Just bury it and hope it disappears.

It wasn't until after the fifth match in the losing streak that he got a message from an unknown number he was forced to confront it. 

Hi Jamie. I'm Liv. I'm not sure if (Y/N)'s mentioned me, but I'm one of her friends and I got your number from her phone. I was hoping to talk to you soon when you're free.

So now, he was sitting in a white office like he was waiting for some test results. It didn't help that the person sitting in front of him was in a lab coat, either.

"Sorry, I know it's weird we had to do this in an office." Liv started and Jamie straightened up in the chair. "I thought you'd want somewhere private to talk."

"Right."

"Yeah, so you're probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you. Uhm, (Y/N)'s been a little off recently. She told me about what happened, which I honestly saw from a mile away, but that's not the point." Liv sighs before continuing. "The last time this happened, back in uni, she practically quarantined herself in her room till her parents came and picked her up. She barely ate, and barely talked to anyone. It was terrible. And I can tell that she's on the way to that again."

Jamie's eyes widened, filled with guilt once again, but he said nothing.

Something about his reaction just triggered something in Liv. "Right, so I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but what the fuck are you doing, man?" The footballer moved back in his chair, but Liv wasn't dismayed. "Why haven't you called her? Or even texted or something."

"I," Jamie's completely at a loss for words. "I thought that she didn't want to talk."

"What gave you that idea?"

"She told me to leave that night so harshly, so I thought..." Jamie trails off, realizing how terrible that reasoning is after saying it out loud.

Liv is thinking the exact same thing, causing her to roll her eyes. "Come on, Jamie! You can't actually think she wants nothing to do with you now. She won't ever say it, but do you know how many times I've caught her checking your contact to see if you've sent anything? She misses you and seeing how shit you've been playing these past few matches, I think it's safe to assume that you miss her too."

Despite this woman being a complete stranger to Jamie, he's suddenly compelled to admit, "Just because she misses me doesn't mean that she wants me back in her life. And I don't think I should be, to be honest." She's better off without me. 

Liv's expression finally softens and she looks down at her desk before saying, "She at least deserves an apology."

—

It had been a few days since then, which Jamie had been using to think it over. He knew Liv was right; he needed to apologize. He just didn't know how. And of course, he had to talk to the most emotional man he knew.

"Jamie! What brings you here?" Ted who, despite the team losing yet another game, greeted quite cheerfully. It almost made the football player turn right back around because he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for his coach's relentless optimism.

But he knew there wasn't anyone else he could go to, seeing as you were obviously unavailable, Keeley was way swamped with her new company, and telling his mum would be indirectly telling your parents too. He shuts the door behind him and moves to Ted's side of the office. "Right, um, I was hoping to talk to you about something."

His coach seems to pick up on Jamie's uneasy demeanor and leans forward with a sympathetic look on his face. "What's up, buttercup? Should I gather the diamond dogs for this?"

Jamie, recalling the name that the coaches and Higgins called themselves, was quick to reject the idea. "No, no, I'd rather not have them find out about this. Uhm, look, I know I haven't been doing my best recently,—"

"Oh, we'll get a win soon bud, don't worry." Ted is quick to reassure the player and while Jamie appreciates it, he shakes his head.

"No, I know, but that's not it." Jamie takes a deep breath before continuing. "It's just, I've been a bit distracted recently."

"Is this about a girl perhaps?"

"No," though Jamie thinks about it for a second. “Yes, but no?" Seeing the slight look of confusion on his coach's face, he explains, "A while back, I reconnected with an old friend. She was my best friend actually, back in Manchester. We didn't exactly end on the best of terms and it was my fault. But when we met again, she told me that I didn't need to apologize."

Jamie continued to recount the past few months to his coach, from his blind date to the Bones & Honey incident, along with what he did to you in the pub all those years ago. 

"So now, I don't know what to do. Her best friend said I should apologize, but I don't really know how. I'm not really the best with these types of things." Both of them still remembered how long it took for Jamie to get the team to forgive him when he first came back.

Ted takes a second before responding, trying to figure out the best thing to say in this situation. "You know Jamie, I've always thought the simplest ways are sometimes the best ones. Overthinking things tends to complicate them more. You want to apologize right? How'd you used to do it when you were kids and you threw your little tantrums at each other?"

"Coach, I don't think bringing her chocolate is gonna work this time around." Jamie gets flashbacks to your first-ever argument as kids. Jamie accidentally ate the last slice of chocolate cake that you had unofficially saved and you stormed out and locked yourself in your room for an hour. 

All it took was Jamie sliding a bar of chocolate through the bottom of the door, explaining that he got hungry, and promising to save her a slice of cake the next time they had a party. You ended up sharing the bar with Jamie.

"Probably not. But in all the times you fought, what were the things that got her to forgive you? What did you say that made her understand your side and know that you actually were sorry for what you did? And how did you prove to her that you weren't going to do that to her again?" Maybe if Jamie thought about this advice later tonight, it'll make more sense, but right now, only one question was occupying his mind.

"D'you think she'll forgive me?" He thinks out loud.

"I honestly don't know Jamie, I don't even know who she is. But if you show her how much you care like how you're showing me right now, I'm sure things will be fine." Ted, now standing, offers a comforting pat on the back.

Without looking up, Jamie whispers, "I never meant to do this to her. To hurt her like that."

"We rarely ever mean to hurt the people we love." Ted offers.

Love. Yeah, Jamie thought, he did love you, even after all these years. Especially after all these years. What, with all the 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' bullshit.

"All we can do after is try to atone for our mistakes and hope they forgive us. And even if they don't, at least you leave knowing you tried." Jamie nods his head and thanks his coach for the advice.

As he got into his car to leave the clubhouse, he pulled out his phone. Hi, are you free tonight? I was hoping we could talk. 

He anxiously waited for your reply and started listing all the places he had to pass by before heading to your place if you even answered. But before Jamie even left the car park, you already replied, Sure.

—

Maybe you had been hoping for Jamie's message more than you thought. You were in the middle of the lecture when you got his message, so while your class passed the handouts around, you took the chance to grab your phone and reply.

So now, you were anxiously waiting in your flat, still unsure of how you were meant to feel about all this. You knew there was still anger there, but you weren't sure if exploding on him relieved that feeling or made it worse. A part of you also felt guilty for it too, for not even giving him a chance to apologize in the first place. Maybe instead of awkwardly letting him inside later, you would've been having yet another movie night together.

That's what he was going to do now right? Apologize? You didn't really press on for my details when he messaged you earlier. You just hoped that seeing him again will trigger the right response to whatever he had planned.

You heard the doorbell ring and suddenly, it felt like your heartbeat quickened. You take careful steps towards the door and after mentally preparing yourself for whatever this was going to be, turn the doorknob.

"Hi," Jamie greeted, in the most awkward way possible for a guy as confident as he could. You notice him holding a box of LEGO flowers under his left arm and a pack of chocolate nuggets in his right hand.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, you jokingly ask, "Is your apology just going to be flowers and chocolate?" though it may have come across as harsher than you intended.

"No, but uh, in case you changed your mind about talking to me when you saw me, I thought this would at least get me through the door," Jamie explained and you slowly nodded your head.

"Well, you were right." You take the things from his hand and let him inside. 

You had already cleaned up the place before he came over and hidden all the messy catalogs and test papers in your room for the time being. Its current condition could honestly pass as one of those display sets in department stores.

You placed the items on your dining table before turning back to Jamie who was awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room.

You didn't want to delay this any further. "So, why'd you want to talk?"

"Right," Jamie started, still unable to look you in the eye. "I wanted to say sorry for not messaging you these past few weeks. I've just been busy and Richmond's been on a losing streak too,—"

"Is that really all you wanted to say?" Your tone was soft, but even you knew you were being blunt. You just couldn't handle the sinking feeling of anxiety in your chest anymore and while you might be rushing him, you just wanted to get this over with.

"No, it's not." Jamie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He moves towards you and starts looking at you intently. "I'm sorry. For everything. You deserved an apology and an explanation a long time ago and I can't go back in time, so I want to do it now."

He pauses for a moment, and when you realize he's waiting for you to say something, you respond, "Go ahead, Jamie."

He nods his head and almost looks like he's psyching himself up before a match. He takes another deep breath before continuing.

"I wanted to start from when I started to get distant. I never told you, but after I started at Man City, dad came back into the picture."

"He did?" Your voice was barely a whisper, and you're unsure if he even heard it because he keeps talking.

"You know how he is, right?" Of course, you did. 

Growing up, you knew the exact times his dad would be coming over. There’d be some beat up car in their driveway and if you looked out your window, Jamie’s window blinds would be down. During the early years, you’d ask your mom to call their house, but after the first time and about a ten-minute call with Georgie, she started telling you they were busy. It was only after that outlying car in their driveway disappeared that Jamie would come knocking at your door, asking to play. He'd have this air of discomfort the first few days, but you were so happy being able to see him again that you’d end up ignoring it.

"Anyway, he was on my arse that whole time. He always had something to say after every match about how I fucked up or, how shit I'd been. Even if I was just sitting on the bench, he still had something to say. It was exhausting," You could tell that Jamie was starting to get angry at the reminder of his father, and without thinking, you reach out to hold his hand. Jamie seems to relax at your touch and when he seems to have composed himself, you let go.

"He would go on about the same things. Don't be soft, it's the fucking Premier League and shit like that. I just, I wanted it to stop. And I thought that toughening up would stop him from him getting under my skin. That meant removing everything that did make me soft, vulnerable. One of those things was you, but I realized now that it was in a good way. As in, I only ever felt comfortable and safe when I was with you." Your eyes widened at his confession and you felt tears threatening to fall.

"But fuck, Dad was really in my head back then. I thought that you were making me weak. And I hated the thought of him calling me that. So I stopped picking up your calls and messages. I just blocked you out.

"But when I started to realize I was becoming a prick, I thought you'd never want to talk to me again. That you'd hate me and it wasn't worth trying to get you to forgive me. Plus, Mum always had great stories about you, so I thought you were better off without me. I guess that's why I was such a prick back in the pub, pretending I didn’t know you. Might as well lean into it if I already lost you." At this point, you were resisting the urge to envelop Jamie in a hug and never let go, but you knew he wanted to finish his piece.

"And I know that it doesn't change the fact that it was a shitty way to treat someone I loved, but it's the best explanation I can give you. I really am sorry." Jamie held your eyes, emphasizing how genuine he was being. Someone I loved, did he really just say that? But he starts again before you can even consider what that meant.

"And, I really am trying to be better. I want to be worthy of staying in your life, if you'll let me. This time, I promise I'll never leave you like that ever again."

You were processing his words and couldn't answer immediately, so Jamie added, "And if you decide that you don't want anything to do with me, then you'll never have to see me again. But I promise to keep trying to be better even then."

You continued to stay silent and Jamie took that as your answer. "Right, so that's all I had to say, so I'll be out of—"

You wrap your arms around him, stopping him mid-sentence. The footballer is slow to reciprocate it, but when he does, you're transported back in time. It feels like you're eight again, and Jamie's football team just won the finals. It feels like you're fifteen again, and you've made up during a midnight run to the grocery after a stupid argument. It feels like you're seventeen again, saying goodbye to the only boy you've ever loved.

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet, Jamie. To go back to how it was before." You finally answer, and if you're being honest, you don't think you ever could go back. "But I want to be able to," you whisper and you feel him relax even more in your arms. "Just, don't fuck it up and leave again. Because I'd really love to have you in my life again."

"I promise I won't." And this time, you believe him.

A/N: and there you go! the angst is over! (or is it? muahaha) some cameos from liv and ted to help snap jamie out of it :) i had written jamie's apology monologue the same time i wrote reader's angry monologue from chapter three with some slight revisions when i put them in their respective chapters, so hopefully it matches up well stay tuned for the next chapter!!

TAGLIST: @moonflowersandsparkles @faith-alons26 @rexorangecouny @aiyaiy @thegirlthatwantedtowrite @giggling-sewer-ginger @katdahlali @higherthanheroes @guccilongboard @alipap3 @rockchickrebel @ellietartt @shineforever19 @skewedcherries @jamietarttdodo @meg-ro @deepdarkvelvet @taytaylala12 @scaramou @rae4725 @oxxolovemelikeyoudooxxo (couldn't tag you for some reason?)

[reidslovely]

Just a Tap

Synopsis: Before they were Peter and Bashful they were strangers with an annoying (semi-traumatic) meet cute.

Pairing: Frat!Peter x Fem!Reader/OC

CW: None really, car accident? maybe if you can count that. Swearing.

Reblog or comment in place of liking this post, pretty please.

Pulling out of ESU parking structure six was a hell fest. There was a constant flow of traffic that seemingly never let up, and a ton of pedestrians that would either wait for all the cars to pull out before crossing the path, or simply used the heavy traffic flow to their advantage. (Y/N) pushed her head back into her seat frustrated, why was New York traffic such a nightmare. The highway traffic started to let up and she sat straight up breathing a sigh of relief. 

“Fucking finally.” 

She looked right and then left before letting off her gas, letting her car roll. Out of nowhere a skateboarder rolled in front of her, causing her to barely tap him with her car. But still she felt terrible. She slammed on her breaks, her hands flying up to her mouth. The boy slammed his hands on the hood of her car, throwing his hands up. He was quite obviously laughing at the situation, and did not seem injured at all. Placing her car in park and throwing her flashers on she basically threw herself out of the vehicle, the skateboarder had already started walking away tossing a look over his shoulder. (Y/N), however, was frozen in place. 

“I am so sorry, are you okay? Do you need a ride?” She yelled after him, looking over her shoulder to make sure no other cars were leaving behind her. 

“I’m good! Just wanted to play it up a little bit.” 

 He laughs, turning, his skateboard in hand. “We should both watch where we are going next time.” He yelled back smiling. “You’re too pretty to be hitting boys with your car.” 

(Y/N) shook her head, swallowing the tears that had built up in her eyes. How could he just be joking about this. Then she saw the shirt: yellow with a red Theta Tau logo on it with ‘ESU est. 1930.’ stitched below it. Frat boys. Suddenly she felt less bad for tapping the bleached blonde with her car. 

“But I skate through here the same time everyday, maybe don’t hit me next time okay?” 

“How about I make sure I don’t miss next time?” She yells back getting into her car, now annoyed that he found the whole interaction funny when she was trying to be sincere. The blonde smiled in response, she watched him turn and skate away. She checked both ways multiple times and pulled onto the road heading to pick her friend up from work.

- 

Fraternity row was lit up in all different colors, the first football game of the season had just ended and the whole street was celebrating the victory. M.J. wrapped her arm around (Y/N) as they walked down the street. 

“Come on you seriously can’t still be hung up on the douchebag that skated out in front of you. He was in the wrong not you, he was jaywalking..jay..skating? Doesn’t matter.” The red head shook her head, her curls shaking. “He’s a dick for that and I’ll tell him if we ever see him. Now please relax and party. Please, it's the first big frat crawl of the semester.” 

“Fine..yeah, you’re right.” 

“I know I am.” M.J. kissed her friend's head, and started to say something else before being cut off. 

“Hey! Watson! Hey!”

M.J. and (Y/N) turned their heads quickly trying to spot the voice that came blaring towards them. A head of blonde hair was in front of them in seconds. A lanky guy stood before them engulfing M.J. in a hug which she gladly returned. “Oh my god. Osborn you scared me, hey this is my roommate and friend (Y/N). (Y/N), this is Harry the guy I was telling you about.”

Harry Osborn was a name you were all too familiar with. M.J. had been in love with him since summer orientation when they met and got stuck in the elevator together. They’d been talking ever since. 

“Hey nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah you too.” Harry smiles at her. “Hey, why don’t you guys come into Theta and party?” He offered up, pointing in the direction of the bright yellow door contrasting against the white siding of the huge house. 

“Look at that line, no thanks.” (Y/N) laughed.

“No no it’s my frat, well I’m a pledge but I can get y’all in come on.”

-

(Y/N) stood against the back wall of the party, a black plastic cup in hand as she sipped the vodka sprite mixture out of it. If she could fold in on herself she would, she didn’t even like frat crawls. She only went because M.J. begged her, and she didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to hang out with her. However, M.J. was nowhere in sight. Osborn had stolen her away as soon as they got into the house. 

“Well..look who it is.” A voice pooked around the corner at her, she jumped slightly. “Oh come on don’t be bashful. You already hit me with your car.” 

It was the blonde guy from yesterday, he leaned against the wall next to her. Smiling at her slightly. “I said I was sorry, you walked out in front of me.”

“I did yeah sorry. But it’s really rude of you.” (Y/N) stomped her foot wanting to crawl in a hole and cry. “I didn’t mean too hi-”

“No not that. I mean not asking for my name..it was the least you could do after all.”

Her brows furrowed, mouth forming a smile ‘o’. Her eyes feel to the ground and she bit the inside of her cheek. 

“Peter Parker..and you?”

“(Y/N) (Y/L).” 

Peter smiled and slid down the wall sitting on the floor, waiting for her to join him. 

“Nice to meet you (Y/N)…again.”

Wrote this very quickly this morning because the lab is empty and have no one coming in until later.

[angelcakestarlet]

gold rush

van palmer x reader : the yellowjackets catch onto van's crush on their one of their teams cheerleaders

"van!", the whistle catches vans attention across the moist green field. "did you not see the ball coming straight for your god damn head?" coach martinez questions the dazed ginger. "focus come on!" coach blows the whistle to reset before she even gets the chance to get up. van might not be the tallest girl on the team, but she was the perfect pick for goalie. when the ball came towards that net she was a fiery cannon launching to protect the box. after their last game, 0-3, and an undefeated season, people started saying the game was rigged due to the yellowjackets goalie being psychic. while van was no psychic, she had a knack for predicting what her opponent would do next. according to her she "just goes with her gut". however, lately her 'gut' seems a little distracted.

each second van's eyes were not on the girls pursuing the net, they were on the girl's soccer team cheerleaders. particularly, you. van couldn't help simply 'observing' the way your skirt hiked up your soft thighs as you demonstrated your moves to the squad. or the way your ponytail sat high on your head and the sweat slipped down your neck... and that's how she ended up on the floor, soccer ball to the head with a sorry laura lee cowering over her. coach martinez yelling had caught your attention as you peered across the field to spot the redhead laying exasperated in her goalie box. you would be lying if you said you hadn't noticed her initially when you first began cheering for the team. her quick hands and strong calves from all the laps coach made them run around the field before practice. you were always the confident type, not shy when it came to boys, your team mates, and getting what you want. but van had a struck a different chord in you, one you were all too familiar with after watching bound with jennifer tilly and gina gershon in theaters that october. while your van halen and backstreet boys posters covered the fore front of your pink room, corky posters were plastered all over your closet. but corky was a character in a movie, you'd never gotten that feeling at the pit of your stomach from a girl in real life, right? well there was that time in eight grade when you and your friend practiced kissing for the winter formal. but that was one time; until now. that feeling in your stomach kicked in every time you got a look at the goalie and it ticked you off. the one time you wanted to put your cherry lip gloss adorned smile to work your nerves got the best of you. it was nearly winter break now and you had only spoken to van in passing during practice and games. your cheeks stung red recalling the night they won states, "maybe you're our lucky charm out there" she had rushed towards you still pumping adrenaline from the win, you cracked a smile in response before she corrected herself, "you and the rest of the girls of course".

now, you lightly jogged (not wanting to look too concerned) towards her and laura lee. "hey, are you ok? i could hear the ball thump against your head from all the way over there." she leaned up, making eye contact with you and chuckling, "are you calling me a hard head?" her teammates looked back at you two as they reset to their positions. "it was me, i really didn't mean to vanessa honestly!" laura lee apologized frantically. "it's alright laura lee, just go back before coach kicks both our asses". you offer van a hand to help her up, "thanks" she huffs out. at the first attempt of standing she wobbles and makes her way back to the ground, "shit i'm dizzy". "alright look l/n, take her to the nurse please. jackie pose as goalie for now." coach directs his attention to two of you as he notices van's state. you widen your eyes at his request as that feeling kicks in again causing your stomach to churn. you hesitantly agree and help van up once more with her arm propped up on your shoulder. "fuck i hate the nurse, misty quigley is always in there with her." you giggle, "i'm guessing misty is the last thing you want to see right now." "when does anyone want to see misty quigley?" you nod in agreement, every encounter with misty is never something you look forward to. "i can take you to the locker room, i have some pain medicine and water in there if you just want to lay down for a second. without the presence of misty quigley of course." "why thank you, that sounds lovely" she says drowsily accompanied by that silly accent she puts on.

you practically drag van to the locker room and sit her down on the bench by your locker. "i think staring at your locker will only make my headache worse" van snickers referring to your locker decorated in bright pink paint and a big hair bow front and center. "hey, don't make fun of my locker. remember who just saved your life!" you pout at her. "sorry, sorry how could i forget. after all you are the teams lucky charm." she proclaims dramatically. "well is my squad the lucky charm or is it just me, cause if i remember correctly..." van lays down against the bench chuckling, "well you're the only one i pay any attention to at least". you pause while rummaging through your locker for some ibuprofen, turning to face the girl. she looks back at you, "what? hey, are you blushing or did you just get a little heavy handed with the powder today?" you bring your hands to your cheeks and feel the warmth against your skin. "i think you have a concussion van." you dismiss her flirty comments and hand her two ibuprofen and an unopened water bottle. "what makes you say that?" her fingers brushing against yours as she takes the pills, you roll your eyes at her sudden boldness. "you rarely speak to me and now you're saying that you pay attention to me?" the silence in the locker room stiff as you hear her swallow. "what can i say, i find it hard to talk to pretty girls." you stifle a giggle "woah you're totally blushing now, you can't deny it man". you turn to face her a smile plastered on your seemingly flushed face. "this is how you thank me for nursing you back to health?" you raise your eyebrows, "well what do you have in mind miss cheer captain?" she sits up leaning on her arms settled behind her. "stop getting hit in the head so that we make it to nationals." "it's kind of hard not to when you're out there in this little skirt," she takes the end of your pleated skirt between her fingers "what else am i supposed to look at?". if your stomach was churning before, it's like a battalion of butterflies at war in there now. "are you hitting on me, palmer?" you look up at her through your lashes. "would that be so terrible?" her face suddenly (nearly) serious. before you can answer, the door to the locker room swings open, all the girls piling in, sweaty and with dirt covered knees. "so what's the diagnosis, y/n, is she doomed?" nat's voice comes creeping around the corner. you get up quickly, shutting your locker and flattening your skirt. "definitely." van's eyes follow you as you leave. when the door shuts behind you, nat and lottie erupt in laughter. "does she know she is the reason for your little concussion?" they come up behind van, teasing her. "i'm injured, leave me alone!" the goalie rests her head against your pink locker and groans as her team mates share a round of "ooo''s amongst themselves.

thank u for reading :> i think van is super underrated and needs more fics, i love her!!! hope u enjoyed!

[eastwindmlk]

After mentioning that I had an idea for a Jilypad fic the plunny would not leave me alone. For now this is just a cheeky short bit. a micro-oops if you will, but in the future this might blossom into something more.

There is a farmer’s market in Godric’s Hollow that Lily loves to visit. It was her Saturday morning ritual. Some time to herself while her husband took care of the kids. Entertaining them with games of chase and the toy brooms that still make her nervous. 

Something she did her best not to think about while she browsed the seasonal selection of vegetables. Chatting to the lady running a stand with jams and jellies, leaving with a jar of gooseberry jam and a host of new advice on how to handle the abundance of cherries that grew in the backyard. 

Her next stop was the old vicar who sold honey, something she was running low on running a household of incurable sweet teeth. Ending up having a sneaky cup of mead while they talked about the charity auction her husband was helping out with. 

Leaving the stall a little more giddy than she had come, two bottles of homemade honey wine slipped into her basket. Something to enjoy when the little ones were down. As long as she promised to not have another accident. 

She considered three to be more than enough, and none of them had been planned. But she had learned that life was what happened in between the plans. So, it was only fitting that is how her family came to be. 

It was when she was mulling over the elderberry cordial that it caught her eye. A flash from the past sent the glass bottle tumbling down to the ground, splashing her sandalled feet with the sticky substance. 

“I’m so sorry,” the redhead gasped, suddenly breathless. Stooping down to help gather the shards of glass. Delicate fingers reaching out of the thick bottom piece. 

There was a sharp pain, making her wince. Her eyes focussed on the crimson drop mixing into the golden liquid. Feeling hands grabbing her shoulders while she reeled backwards. 

“It’s all good. I will take care of it.” The voice sounded far away, even though she could feel the presence of right beside her. 

Squeezing her eyes closed, Lily pulled herself back together as much as she could. “Goodness me, I am a little out of sorts,” she excused. Her eyes roamed the market square, trying to confirm that her eyes were playing tricks on her. 

Yet, there, just down the main street, stood a man whom she would recognize anywhere. From the windswept mess of hair and the glasses to the boots. She could almost smell the cologne, the memory of his voice rushing into her head. Something she had thought she’d long forgotten. 

“Go home, Lily.” The vicar had joined them, his firm hand on the small of her back. Steering her away from the apparition across the street. “Do you want me to walk you home?” 

Shaking her head vigorously, Lily adjusted the basket on her arm before marching off. Feet carrying her faster and faster, craving the safety of home. Of somewhere she could break down in the safety of her husband’s arms. 

Keeping up a brisk pace, she made her way to their cottage, hearing the laughter of her children rising from the backyard. The redhead hurried down the garden path, through the front door. 

The moment her basket was securely on the side table, she whipped around. Doing something she had not done in forever. She locked and bolted the front door. Fingers trembling on the twist lock. 

It was then that her head leaned against the cool wood, and the tears came. 

Light-headed, Lily slowly slid down to her knees. Shoulders shaking quietly. In the distance, she heard their house phone ring. The concern in her husband’s voice was audible, even in her state. 

“I’ll be sure to do that. Thank you, Martin.” Great, it seemed that her state had already become the talk of their little village. The local doctor already checking in on her. 

What would they think of her? Did they also see him? Would they remember? It had nearly been a decade since he vanished, after all. 

A pair of firm hands wrap around her, pulling her into a bone-crushing embrace that is every bit as firm as she needs it to be. 

“I got you, Lils.” His voice is soft and reassuring. His breath fanning over her neck. The slight sensation gave her something to hold on to. Find her way back to herself enough to grab onto his arm. 

Pulling in a shaky breath, Lily moved his arm away from her. Turning around to find grey eyes clouded with worry. 

Trembling fingers cradling his face as she leaned her forehead against his. “I saw him.” Her voice not rising above a choked whisper. Seeing the disbelief on his face. 

“It was him, I am sure of it.” Watching the gears turning, shock settled over him as they both stared at each other in silence. 

It was Harry’s voice that broke it, running in with his crying sister in tow. “Dad, Effie dropped her doll in the pool! Now she is upset it is all wet,” He informed before he’d even made it to the entryway. 

Both their faces turned to face their oldest, standing in the middle of the doorway, frowning at them. “Should I leave you two alone? Is this one of those moments?”

The juxtaposition of their mood and his question spurred the pair into action. Lily pulled away and smiled at her son. “No, no, this is not one of those moments,” she forced a smile and pushed herself up. Feeling the stick of the elderflower cordial on her shins. 

“Can you rescue Mrs Morrison? I need a quick shower,” she asked with an apologetic smile. Feeling bad for having dropped this news on him only to bail out immediately.  

Still, despite them both being thoroughly rattled, the classic, careless smile appeared on his face. Leaning in for a kiss on the cheek, the calloused pad of his thumb brushing along her cheekbone before releasing her. 

Once upstairs, Lily shed her clothes and dipped into the shower. Enjoying the cool water down her back before scrubbing herself down. Starting to feel a little calmer now she was home.

Maybe she had been wrong. Perhaps it was a summer phantom, conjured up by the July heat, that had made her see things. 

As Lily, wrapped in a fluffy bath towel and hopping over a few toys strewn along the landing, made her way to the bedroom, she felt almost calm. Even more so when she methodically went through the steps of dressing. 

Seeing her little family play in the shade of their ginkgo tree from her bedroom window brought a smile back to her face. 

Of course, she had not seen anything. That would be impossible. After all this time, she should have known better. 

A crashing sound from the garden below caught her attention, a wailing cry for her. Forgoing a bra, she pulled the kaftan over her head and rushed down the stairs. 

The little urchin crashed into her arms the moment she stepped foot in the kitchen. Lifting the two-year-old up, cradling him in her arms. Gently brushing his auburn locks away from the red mark on his forehead. 

“Did we have a little oops?” she cooed, planting a gentle kiss on the spot. “Why don’t we see if we have some ice cream in the freezer?” A suggestion that made Al beam and chortle. 

“I for ice cream! I!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms up and squirming out of the redhead’s arms to scamper towards the freezer. Clearly knowing all too well where they kept the treats.  

Just when Lily was about to join the toddler pulling hard at the freezer door, the rattling of the front door drew her eyes. Heart jumping into her throat, Lily wordlessly summoned her wand from the basket in the hallway. 

The lock clicked open, and from the summer heat, the phantom appeared once more. 

He was older than the image in her memory, a scar adoring his sharp features, trailing from his temple to the middle of his cheek. Gold eyes met hers, lip curling into a familiar smile as he spoke.

“Honey, I’m home.” 

[theflyindutchwoman]

Hello! Do you think Tim only realized he had feelings for Lucy after their kisses in 4x22 and 5x01? Wouldn't it be a little odd?

I mean, in one episode he is telling Ashely he thinks they are "magic together" and being sad that she doesn't want to get married or have kids, and the very next episode he is all shook when Lucy kisses him, like he's just realizing in that moment that he might have romantic feelings for her.

Isn't that, like, juvenile? I would understand it if Tim was a boy falling in love with the first girl he kisses, but he's a grown man who was married before and knows what love feels like. He shouldn't need a kiss to realize it.

I guess I'm just trying to make sense of things. Because in the end I just find it very hard to believe the path the show chose to follow, of Tim beeing so oblivious of his feelings for Lucy, to the point of seeing his future with another woman, and then the kiss just turns a switch and he is suddenly aware of her romantically.

(With Lucy, at least, the emotional came before the physical. In 4x21 it was explicitly shown that Lucy had romantic feelings for Tim. And she also never considered a future with Chris like Tim did with Ashley - Lucy didn't want to be called his girlfriend, didn't want to meet his parents and ultimately didn't want to move in with him. So I can understand it better.)

Let me start with the usual disclaimer : this is merely my interpretation, so take this with a grain of salt, of course. And since this is going to be an essay (as always), I broke down your message point by point.

Do you think Tim only realized he had feelings for Lucy after their kisses in 4x22 and 5x01? Wouldn't it be a little odd? I guess it depends what we mean by "realise" here. I think the kiss is when it really hit him and he could no longer be in denial. But I'm a firm believer that Angela's wedding/the sleepover at his place was when Tim started to get some inklings that there might be more to his bond with Lucy than mere friendship. The elevator eyes, the almost-kiss, the fidgeting in bed… Those were classic signs of pining. But with Angela's abduction and Jackson's death, whatever realisation he might have had, took a step back. It wasn't the right time. Neither him, nor Lucy were in the right emotional space for pursuing these feelings. And with time, it was probably easy to just chalk it up to a one time thing or ignore it altogether. Especially once Lucy became his aide and thus, his direct subordinate once again. He was not going to entertain the thought. Or at the very least, try not to. Not to mention that he didn't have any real reason to believe it was reciprocated, so why rock the boat? But the kiss was a game-changer. It happened after a season of them getting even closer and it brought back to the surface all the things he had buried, consciously or not. Only this time, he couldn't put a lid back on those feelings. It was a full-circle moment.

I mean, in one episode he is telling Ashely he thinks they are "magic together" and being sad that she doesn't want to get married or have kids, and the very next episode he is all shook when Lucy kisses him, like he's just realizing in that moment that he might have romantic feelings for her. Tim telling Ashley he thought they were great together is absolutely fascinating… partly because that was pretty much how Lucy described her relationship with Chris (only in a less hyperbolic way) right before she decided to break up with him… But most of all, it's the context surrounding this "confession" that makes it interesting. It all started because Lucy asked Tim if he was planning to propose. Since he looked completely taken aback, odds are it wasn't something he was remotely considering before she brought it up. The more she talked about it, the more he looked annoyed and uncomfortable. It took hours of needling for him to finally take a second and ponder about it. But look at his face. I'm sorry but like my husband said the first time we watched this episode : curb your enthusiasm Timothy! This was supposed to be an epiphany of some sort for him… And yet, he remained pretty stoic. Compare that to his reaction to the kiss. This was a proper reaction. And after this supposedly epiphany, here's what he exactly told Ashley :

The reason Lucy was so annoying today is that she is convinced that you think I'm taking you to Hawaii to propose. But, I mean, you don't… you don't think that, right? 'C-Cause I'm not. I mean, I-I think we are magic together, but I…

Does that sound like a love confession of some kind? Or does it sound like a guy starting to panic and trying to make sure his intentions aren't misconstrued? Personally, I'm leaning towards the latter : I read this as someone trying to soften the blow before he tells his girlfriend he doesn't intend to propose. His "we are magic together" is immediately followed by a "but", downplaying the statement… And in case that wasn't enough, the fact that he was able to prank Lucy with a fake proposal two seconds later tells me that he wasn't that devastated about Ashley's desire to not get married and have children. I'm not saying he wasn't sad at all : he did look disappointed. It's just that he was able to bounce back very fast and I'm honestly not sure he would have been able to if that was something he was truly planning with her. Most importantly : if he thought they were truly magic, he wouldn't have been shooketh to the core by just a kiss (mere days later) or consider cheating on his girlfriend (again mere days later). It's not a coincidence that this declaration happened right before the kiss.

Isn't that, like, juvenile? I would understand it if Tim was a boy falling in love with the first girl he kisses, but he's a grown man who was married before and knows what love feels like. He shouldn't need a kiss to realize it. To me, it's not that he wasn't aware of his feelings for her : it's that he didn't even let himself entertain the possibility. The kiss changed that. Especially with Lucy initiating it. Let's also not forget that, unlike with Isabel, he didn't meet her as his equal. He was her training officer and then, her sergeant. That's a complete different dynamic here. And another layer of complexity. Especially for a rule follower like him. There's a reason why he kept repeating that Lucy wasn't his partner. He was trying to maintain a wall. So yes, he might know what love feels like. Like I already said, I think he might have recognised the early signs, he was just in denial. Something that Tim can be very good at. That is, until he couldn't any more. But again, things were so different with Lucy, it was never as clear-cut as in a regular relationship. Romance was never the intent. He started as her boss, then colleague/partner/friend. To the point that she became his person. Speaking from experience, it can be difficult to fully recognise when things turn romantic when you already have a deeper bond with someone. And that's why I don't mind the kiss as his light bulb moment : when the lines get blurred, you sometimes need a (metaphorical) slap in the face to get some perspective. That's what the kiss was. It cut through all his defenses, all the chatter in his head. His brain short-circuited and that's exactly what he needed. To stop thinking and start listening to his heart.

I guess I'm just trying to make sense of things. Because in the end I just find it very hard to believe the path the show chose to follow, of Tim beeing so oblivious of his feelings for Lucy, to the point of seeing his future with another woman, and then the kiss just turns a switch and he is suddenly aware of her romantically. Did Tim really see a future with Ashley though? I know he said as much but he might not be the most reliable here. Because here are the facts : marriage was not on his mind until Lucy talked about it. Not only that, but Ashley and him apparently hadn't even talked about the future since he didn't know how she felt about kids or marriage. As far as we know, he never told her he loved her. He never talked about them moving together. The closest thing we got was Ashley daydreaming of moving to Bali… which he entertained for a minute before reminding her he wasn't going to retire. Keep in mind that this is the same guy who told Lucy that if she and Chris were serious, moving in was the next logical step. Or that if she wasn't fighting in her relationship at all, maybe it was because she didn't think it was worth the bother. Since all of the above apply to him, what does it say about his own relationship? I honestly always felt like Tim was just going along with the motion with Ashley. He was around 40 and divorced ; one of his closest friend Angela got married and had a child a few months earlier ; Nyla - who, like him, went through a divorce - also got married and was expected another child… Things he told Lucy he thought he would have by now. So to me, he was simply tired of being alone. But that didn't make him more committed. He just didn't think he would get something better. Those are two different things.

As for why it was the chosen path : I believe that the writers chose this because they wanted to make a full circle moment for Tim and Lucy. They started the season with a hug, almost kissing. They ended it with the kiss and the realisation that they might have feelings for the other. It was the culmination of all the little moments that happened during the season. But I perfectly understand if you feel differently. I just hope all of this can shed some light on those scenes... and that it actually provided some answers. Let me know if you want me to expand on some points.

[jetblackcolors]

what comes after the fall.

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Summary: you’re on the Hawkins high cheer team and they let you down, literally.

content warnings: small amounts of bullying, a couple swears, not much else, a kiss. Not proofread so also sorry for that.

A/N: I have not written anything in years so I’m sorry if it’s wonky as all hell but I saw the prompt from @willowsgrl and felt like I wanted to try. So here we are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, March 21

7:25am

It’s a cold spring morning, the last day before spring break begins and last practice for what is meant to be the most intense cheer routine of the season, slowly coming to a close. You and the rest of the team slowly make your way from the field to the school building, chatting amongst each other about everyone’s plans for after tonights big game. It was mostly innocent conversation, but your ears perked up at the mention of The Big Prank.

As per Hawkins High tradition, the basketball and cheer teams would work together to pull off some sort of prank before break, usually nothing too harmful or extreme. Something like covering the principles’ car with sticky notes. This time however, you were nervous. While normally it was done in the spirit of fun, this year there was talk about a very specific target. Eddie Munson.

You knew Eddie, you two had been quite friendly in your younger years, but him being 2 grades ahead of you back then he got new hobbies, made new friends, and so did you. That left you to drift, naturally.

“Patrick sits behind him in math, I heard Jason tell him to snip the freaks hair.” Two of the girls from the team snickered, your head turning to keep listening as you walked.

“But we also know where he sits during lunch. There’s paint and feathers in the art room. And everyone would get to see the look on his face.”

This was not what you signed up for when you joined the team, and usually there wasn’t as much petty behaviour as one might expect. But when it came to Eddie and his friends, now including the erratic yet sweet kid Dustin you used to babysit for the gloves came off. It hurt your heart but you felt stuck.

“What do you think, (Y/N)?” You felt a small nudge on your shoulder, giving your a head an undetectably small shake.

“Err- I don’t know guys. That seems a little extreme.” You were met with raised eyebrows and scoffs.

“It’s Munson, what do you care?”

You rolled your eyes. Oh that lovely social tier. “I just don’t think it’s worth being benched for the game over it.”

“Oh please, the teachers here won’t do anything.”

You fell silent once again knowing you weren’t going to change their minds. The other girls continued amongst themselves as you bit your lip nervously. Class was going to begin any minute, and you needed to find Eddie.

6:10 pm

The game had begun and half of your team was giving you shit while the others came to your defence, trying not to make too big of a scene as the game continued behind you.

“We’re supposed to be a team, why’d you rat us out? To the freak of all people!”

You winced, not used to being on the receiving end of your teammates wrath. You were about to respond before another girl came to your defence.

“Hey, we don’t even know if she told him anything. And we really could have been benched. Did you really want to waste months of practice?”

“Of course she told, you think Munson just vanished into thin air today by chance?”

“Okay that’s enough,” the team captain barked at the lot of you. “It’s really not the time for this, so get your shit together and work as a team.”

Nodding and apologizing you waited patiently for halftime. As the clock ticked by both teams had accumulated a fair share of points, and it was looking like your school could finally pull a victory.

With big smiles and energy you and your team skipped onto the floor, pompoms shaking while your captain led you all into the routine. So far so good, as you now towered in the air, 3 girls held your right leg while you slowly brought up your left holding it above your head and posed as the crowd applauded and cheered with the buzzing energy in the room. You got ready to dismount, spinning and falling back, expecting fingers to lock around your frame and let you down easily but what came was limp hands and the hard floor.

Gasps could be heard from all angles of the room, most people shocked into stillness as you struggled to receive air into your lungs. It came back with a sharp inhale as one of the girls smirked at you.

Tears of shock sprung to your eyes as you felt every pair of eyes on you and you struggled to stand, some of the other girls trying to help.

Lucas came running over worried, having known you through Dustin and having spent lots of time all together. “(Y/N), are you okay!?”

Your lip was still trembling as you looked between your team and Lucas. “Please get me out of here.” Lucas then wove his arm under your own and helped you scuffle off the gym floor, you waving off the rest of your concerned team. This wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have here.

You heard Lucas curtly call out to his team letting them know he would be back, but you were getting distracted by the pain radiating out of your hip and side. It didn’t feel like anything broke, but it was terrible.

Shuffling down the hallways wordlessly, Lucas brought you to the Hellfire room to find Dustin. As you entered the room more eyes filled with surprise turned to bore into you and you groan.

“What the fuck happened?” both Dustin and Eddie ask as they take in your slumped over figure still attached to Lucas.

“Cheer accident, don’t want to talk about it right now” you answer shortly, trying to wave off the concern. Eddie frowned and furrowed his brows as he waltzed over to you, looking you over for any signs of serious injury as Dustin quickly asked question after question, you ignoring most of them.

“Do you need someone to call an ambulance, or I can drive you to the hospital?” Eddie asked you, surprisingly gentle.

“No no, it’s not that serious. I uh- just needed to not be the laughing stock back there. I could use an ice pack though.”

Eddie snapped his ring clad fingers in Dustin’s direction motioning for Mike as well. “Dipshits, go find an ice pack. Cafeteria freezer should have some. Chop chop.”

Lucas then noticed his sister Erica, was at the table, leaving him slightly jealous. A part of him wished he had come to Eddie’s game tonight. He glanced back to the door, and you slowly released yourself from his support and thanked him before you relived him of his duty and sent him back to the basketball game.

Eddie took over Lucas’ position and wrapped his arm around your shoulders softly. “Are you sure you’re alright, sweetness?”

You nod, giving your old fiend a small smile and slight blush. “Can I- can I just stay here for now?”

Eddie gives you a bright smile, gently leading you towards his throne. He takes a seat and slowly lowers you down to his lap. You wince briefly causing Eddie to apologize but you soon melt into the comfort of his arm gently fastened around your middle. You think to yourself that this is where you really belong.

Dustin and Mike finally return with the ice, and you hold it to your sore body, as Eddie starts to continue on with his campaign. You sit there in his lap comfortably, him stroking your sides with his fingers gently and giving your cheek brief kisses every now and then. Even during the most exciting turn of events he keeps still enough to not hurt you.

8:13 pm

Both the basketball game and Eddie’s campaign came to a close and he helps you out to his van, friends not far behind. He swings open the back doors and takes a seat, you leaning in between his legs, your back pressed to his chest as he wraps his arms around you once again as you all chat. You eventually explain in more detail what happened and why, causing Eddie to tighten his hold on you slightly, a guilty frown on his face.

You give him a small kiss on the cheek letting him know it was alright. “I couldn’t let your beautiful beautiful hair get butchered, now could I?”

He rolled his brown eyes at you but gave you an appreciative squeeze.

“(Y/N)? There you are! We’ve been looking for you, are you okay?” Most of your team was walking up to where you were stood with Eddie and the others, concern etched on their faces.

“Yeah she’s fine, no thanks to you, butterfingers.” Eddie snapped. You gave him a small swat with your fingers but stifled a laugh.

“Look I don’t really want to talk about it right now guys, we can catch up after spring break” you offered, not really sure what you were going to do going forward.

“Or never.” Eddie muttered over your shoulder. You gave him another small swat before your team turned to leave.

Dustin, Mike and Erica were first to leave, followed by Gareth and Jeff, leaving you and Eddie alone.

Eddie sighed and loosened his arms from around you. “I suppose I should get you home m’lady.”

“Mm maybe just a few more minutes.” You turned and gave him a quick peck on his lips. Eddie’s big brown doe eyes lit up and you blushed and looked away as he held you once again.

Yeah, just a few more minutes.

[irrealisms]

Game Over. Try Again? liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

first thing i want to say is: this fic is heavily inspired by Samsara / 輪迴 by ForgivenMemes. if you're an mdzs fan and can handle the content warnings, go check it out.

some Actual Time Loop (rather than time travel) concepts that didn't get written: zam's last week of the server, from bedrock box to the wormhole. vitalasy on two birds/deliverance day.

however i did a lot of thinking about, like, who or what is causing the time loop? why? how can they break out? and eventually came to an answer: they're the ones causing the time loop, because they just keep trying and trying to make this work, long after it has become obvious that it can't work, because they love each other. so i wrote this instead. i could have given it a happier ending where vitalasy eventually breaks the time loop by Letting Go and Moving On to Season Five but this is thematically speaking ... the story we already got in s4? in canon, at the finale, vitalasy is able to let go of zam and move on to s5. so i wanted to make him a bit worse. also im obsessed with [cycles you cannot break and are trapped in forever].

it had to be vitalasy or zam because subz, after like two loops, would Simply Not Invite Zam. tbh. and out of vitalasy and zam, one of them already has Miscellaneous Glitch Powers, so.

relatedly: you don't get to see much of this in the fic but spoke (a) does not know what, exactly, vitalasy is doing to the server (b) does know that he's doing something. spoke would NOT be happy about the time travel. he worked so hard on the apocalypse!!!! it's the END of season four not the "okay now time to go back a few months". come on vitalasy where's the narrative catharsis

another fun fact from planning: if it had been a time loop proper and not time travel as controlled by vitalasy, they would've suspected spoke as behind it, but it absolutely would not have been spoke. spoke does not care enough about eclipse poly drama to put you in a time loop about it sorry guys

vitalasy paces a lot in this fic. that's a pretty common stressed/trapped animal thing. you see foxes do it a lot, in fur farms or pseudo-sanctuaries or generally abusive living conditions.

he also spins! that's just a vitalasy trait. watch any vod with vitalasy in it from a non-vitalasy pov and note how much he spins. it's a good trait. i wish i had included more of him spinning but i couldn't find a ton of good spots for it so he only spins once.

you know the thing life series fans say. "[character] never left [location]." none of eclipse federation ever left eclipse federation. now you may say, zam did very much leave eclipse federation, it was kind of a big deal that zam left eclipse federation? which is true! however. in the life series sense, none of them left eclipse federation, in that none of them are at all over it.

i think a lot about post-betrayal s4 eclipse federation. they're still hanging onto it. they hang onto it after and despite zam's betrayal, long after it's clear that it can't exist again like it did before. they keep trying and trying and trying even as it only becomes more and more apparent that the trying doesn't help. because they love each other. and that's what this fic is about.

sparrow called this out in the comments but. the multiple meanings of 'zam made their bed'. zam made their bed (physically, he placed it and designed it.) zam made their bed (physically, he made the covers nicer.) zam made their bed (he made this relationship what it was, you can't get rid of him without getting rid of that.) zam made their bed (now lie in it.)

i like the note of vitalasy putting his hearts in a chest for them at the end. he doesn't even know if subz and zam will keep existing in this timeline! and he didn't label it 'for subz'. zam is planning on betraying him that day and he still left the hearts for him, too. man!

also it's in glowing dyed ink to be a little reminiscent of All The Sign Rooms. my beta kelardry added that detail :3

here's a secret: i can, actually, imagine possibilities that went differently and ended up happier for eclipse. (most of them are "vitalasy replays subz's suicide enough that he successfully finds a way to get subz to agree to stay alive".) however, at that point, the fic would become canon divergence rather than time loop, so instead i made subz's suicide more of a fixed point. sorry vitalasy!