#sorry if i answered this super late anonie

[b1mbodoll]

i was gna reply to more asks n dm’s than i ended up replyin to T_T but ‘m so sleepy ‘nd my brain is mush rn so i will reply to them tomorrow!!!!! im so sorry ໒꒰ྀི ◞ ◟꒱ྀིა

[muffingnf]

i miss george in mcc so bad.. also i wanna see how he likes the new parkour warrior compared to like hypixel parkour

i miss mcc george too ☹️ i really liked the new pkw i think tbh i don’t remember much LOL but i think george will like it... i think he’ll be pretty good at it too i wanna see him playyyy

[elllisaaa]

Can I pls request seventeen reaction when they have a crush on reader they get jealous when she hangs out with her guy best friend (they are also super close) more than them?

hiii anonie ! i love that everyone keeps sending me these type of request for seventeen because i love to do them so so much ! hope you'll like it !

seventeen being jealous of your bff

-> pairing : svt x gn!reader

-> word count : 2.7k

-> genre : fluff

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

-> masterlist | svt masterlist

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

Despite Seungcheol being cute and sweet around you most of the time, he’s not so chill anymore when he sees you being all over another guy. He perfectly knows that he’s your best friend, perfectly knows that you want both of them to get along well because that’s why you asked him to come with you to this café, but he couldn’t help glaring at the other guy like he committed the worst crimes ever. Cheol tried his best to remain respectful and answer your best friend's questions, but he couldn’t help feeling a little jealous at watching you laugh with someone else about things he had no clue about. This would make him realize how bad he wanted to be with you, and how dumb it was of him to try and act as if he was not smitten by you. After this meeting during which he spent the whole time staring at the guy, he would plan the perfect confession to tell you how he feels about you and to not have to support this anymore. 

YOON JEONGHAN 

As usual, Jeonghan will act like a little shit. When you told him you wanted to plan a game night with him and your best friend so they could meet, he knew it was his chance to be insufferable. And he was the most annoying the whole night : cheating at every game and pretending to have done nothing, teasing your best friend for being a loser, and being the cheeky bastard he is. Deep down, he just felt like he was too late to confess to you about his crush, seeing how close and comfortable you seemed to be with this other guy. And it was only the worst side of him telling him to take some kind of revenge by being very irritating. Though Jeonghan would feel bad when you left and told him that he could’ve been nicer to your best friend. The last thing he wanted was to make you feel like he didn’t care about you and your emotions. It would take him a few hours of deep thinking before he sent you the longest text ever to explain his behavior and thus confess. 

HONG JOSHUA

Not being a very jealous person, Joshua didn’t expect the rush of anger that came with running into you and your best friend at the mall. There was seemingly nothing to be jealous about, you were just acting like a normal person being close and affectionate with their best friend. He was perfectly aware of that, but still, he felt like the third wheel while walking with the two of you. When he would try to talk to you, the other guy would always open his mouth and Joshua was getting really annoyed. Finally, your best friend left, leaving you with a pouty Joshua. You would ask him what’s wrong, and why he didn’t make an effort to get along with your best friend. And even if Joshua had been planning to confess for some time, trying to think about the most romantic way to do it, seeing another guy looking at you with the same lovestruck gaze he stared at you with was his last straw. He would tell you all about his feelings on the spot and pray inside that will not reject him.

MOON JUNHUI

He really holds his heart on his sleeve, so it’s not difficult to notice whether he’s happy or angry. Thus when you presented your long distance best friend that you hadn’t seen in a long time to him and his members, you could see how annoyed he was by the other guy's presence. You had every right to be all over someone you hadn’t seen in over a year, yes, but Jun felt a little bad anyway. You two had grown closer and closer, and he really thought that you had something special going on, that it was starting to be a little more than a casual friendship on your side too. But when he was seeing how you were acting around your best friend, he was not so sure anymore that you could maybe reciprocate his feelings. You were never so touchy with him, never so affectionate, never so flirty or straightforward. You would obviously notice how bothered and mostly sad Jun seemed to be the entire night but he kept saying that everything was okay, and he would end up leaving earlier because he could not stand the sight anymore. He would doubt a little but in the end, his friends will convince him to confess before it’s too late. 

KWON SOONYOUNG

He would think that he’s sleek, but frankly, even you could see that he was jealous of the bond between you and your best friend. You would often bring him with you for your friendly gathering because you didn’t want him to spend his weekends alone and he was getting along well with everyone. Everyone except Soonyoung who couldn’t seem to appreciate him. In all honesty, your best friend was a cool guy, but Soonyoung didn’t want to befriend the guy who could probably steal his crush if he tried. This would get to the point that you would get in a fight with him about it, clearly not pleased that he didn’t make any effort to try and talk with your best friend. Your argument would be really bad, and you would both ignore each other for a week or two, too proud to admit that both of you had some parts to take in the fight. Soonyoung will eventually come back to you, practically begging on his knees to let him back in your life and accidentally confessing along the way of his monologue. 

JEON WONWOO

Wonwoo is not one to get jealous easily, especially since you’re only his crush and not his partner, he has nothing to say in who you’re talking to and how you act with these same people. So to be honest, he’s not really jealous of the relationship you have with your best friend, but more of the way this guy is able to openly express his interest in you, always finding a way to compliment you and flirt with you without it making you uncomfortable. Which is precisely what Wonwoo is struggling to do, not knowing if saying that he finds you incredibly pretty in this or that outfit is off limits for “just friends”. Is it different because your bestie has no real attraction towards you and Wonwoo is genuinely trying to show you that he could treat you right ? Probably. But still, he’ll stay more quiet everytime your best friend is with you. You would assume that’s because he doesn’t feel too comfortable with people he doesn’t know much the first few times, and Wonwoo would take care that you don’t discover the real reason while taking mental notes of how to try and show you that he wants more as subtly as possible. 

LEE JIHOON

Since he’s always trying to remember the most insignificant details about you and what you like, he would take pride in knowing things that your best friend doesn’t. He would never say it out loud obviously, but still, the discreet smirk on his face would give it away. When you go out at a coffee shop, your best friend always has to ask you what you want when Jihoon simply brings you your usual because he got your order memorized. While your best friend always has to ask you what you want or need for your birthday, Jihoon always knows exactly what to gift you and he never misses. But every time you told him about the things you did alone with the guy, or what you had planned with him for the weekends, he felt a little jealous. At this point, he thinks you’re either not interested in him or that you’re just very dense and oblivious to all the subtle things he does to show his interest in you. You have so much partner privileges and he’s not even your boyfriend. Yet. Because it would take him only a few more times of your best friend missing on what you really like to rush and finish the song he wanted to confess to you with.

LEE SEOKMIN

He doesn’t hide his jealousy well at all, everyone who knows him a little bit is able to tell that he doesn’t like your best friend. He thinks that the guy is not handsome, not interesting and not even funny. Well, not as much as him at least. That is a lie because deep down, he can’t help but wonder if you really like this guy more than him. So Seokmin will try to take as much space as possible, talking louder and making a lot more jokes than usual so that your attention would be on him and not on your best friend. He’s always a little extra on a daily basis, but when your best friend is here too, he’s even more outgoing, to the point he becomes a little annoying. But the only way he has to be more interesting than your best friend is by doing all this, or so he thought. When you told him that it was in fact a little disrespectful for the other guy and that you didn’t understand why he could not try to befriend him when he was usually the sweetest, Seokmin felt like an idiot and apologized immediately, cheeks burning and trying to come up with an excuse. His crush is as well hidden as his jealousy (that is to say, not at all), so you’re only waiting for him to finally confess. 

KIM MINGYU

Another one who’s painfully obvious but he wouldn’t make a big deal of it in front of you, simply pouting and getting a lot quieter than he usually is. He will get so sulky, everytime he finds you laughing more at your best friend's jokes than at his. But he finds you so cute that he can’t stay mad at you for too long and he ends up liking the other guy because he’s obviously not mean nor annoying, Mingyu just can’t bear the thought of him snatching your attention away. And if he would of course never say a word about it to you directly, he will definitely complain about your best friend to some of his members, going on and on about why he can’t make up the fact that you like this guy more than him and that he can’t stand to hear you two joke around about things he doesn’t know about. Mingyu’s members would end up telling you to please do something about the situation because they can’t spend another two hours listening to why you should go out with him and not your best friend. He would be so shy when you address the issue with him, trying to deny it despite his red cheeks. But it’s okay because he’s very cute. 

XU MINGHAO

He's pretty level-headed so it's not easy to get him to feel jealousy. And if it ever happens, Minghao knows that this emotion is not rational because firstly, you told him time and time how much you loved your relationship with your best friend and didn't want it to change, and secondly, you were not his partner - yet - so he had no right to be jealous. Of course, he doesn't doubt your intentions and what you told him, but he can't help but be suspicious about how your best friend perceives you. Because the guy looks at you the same way Minghao does : with fondness, like you were his entire world. And that was the whole problem. Because Minghao had tried to give you some hints here and there for a few months, just to test the water and you seemed not to have pushed him away so he was happy. But seeing the way you did the same thing with your bestie when you had explicitly told him you didn't have any feelings for him got him worried. Maybe you didn't really like him in the end, maybe you were just trying to be kind and not hurt him ? So rather than being jealous, he would be anxious. It's probably what would give him the little push he needed to finally confess to you.

BOO SEUNGKWAN

I think he would try - and notice how I insist on try - to stay calm and collected because from an outside point of view, there is nothing wrong going on. But from his point of view, your best friend is clearly being too touchy and Seungkwan feels jealous even if he denies it. Because the nasty looks he gives your best friend everytime he hangs out with you kinda gives it away. He’s so obvious but won’t say a word about the real reason. Seungkwan will instead pretend it’s because he doesn’t get along with your best friend and dislikes him. He can’t stop himself from making snarky remarks, or mocking him under the guise of it being a joke. And he would have continued like that if you hadn’t told him one time that you were kinda sad that he didn’t like one of the most important people in your life. Seungkwan would feel bad and make an effort to at least tolerate the guy and be a little less mean but the side eyes everytime he did or said something he found embarrassing didn’t go away. He would certainly not be able to put up with this situation for long, and after another time of him not being nice to your best friend, you would have a silly fight during which he will confess. And magically, he was all gentle and friendly to your bestie after you became his partner. 

CHWE HANSOL

Hansol and you immediately clicked when you were introduced to each other, never going through the awkward stage of a friendship. So when you told him how, on the contrary, you stayed pretty long in this uncomfortable situation with your best friend before getting very close to each other, he felt kind of superior to the other guy, like his bond with you was much more real and valid. Hansol didn’t really know where all these feelings were coming from, nor why he felt so upset seeing you hug and be touchy with someone that was not him. Not that both of you were particularly physically affectionate, but you often had a hand on his arm when you talked, or you placed your head on his shoulder when you were watching a movie, or you held on to him or his jacket to not get lost when walking through crowded spaces. And Hansol thought that these moments were special, that he was special in a sense. This wouldn’t really be jealousy, but much more disappointment because he would think he read the signs wrong and start to cancel plans if he knows your best friend will be here. He would however decide to confess or at least do something to sort this problem when you told him that you were sad he was distancing himself from you.

LEE CHAN

Even if his crush on you is pretty obvious, his jealousy would not be so visible. Chan would choose to befriend your bestie instead because you know what they say : keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. So he’ll play the kind and fun guy around him, just to see how your best friend acts with you. And he’s clearly not having it, not loving at all the fact that he always touches you and tries to get closer to you. Sometimes, it even seems like you don’t even want him to touch you and swat his hands away but he always comes back pretending it’s a joke, playfully fighting. But Chan doesn’t need to be an expert in relationships to understand that this is clearly not okay, and he can’t help thinking that he would never do that to you, that he will always respect your consent. He’s also pretty sure that you have a thing for him too so he’s not going to put up with the situation for too long. Until then, he’ll subtly make comments or do things to make you understand his intentions more and to signal to your best friend that he’s not going to take you away from him anymore. 

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my work.

svt taglist (fill in this to be added) :

@lil-kpopstan @hann1bee @iraisswiftie @bewoyewo

[cafemochi]

Hello! U have a studyblr right? Can you recommend me some studyblrs?

heyoo im alive suddenly haha 

i do have a studyblr! > @studymochii i dont use it often though cause im not in school right now. I plan to use it when i go back though! 

as for studyblrs! i have a few favourites > @yongxqi @philology-studies @5eou1 @todaywithjudy @studylustre @noodledesk @studyartsy @studypetals @studythenight-away @eintsein @apricot-studies

they are all super great filled with uplifting posts and good resources! pls check them out!! 

[soukokuwu]

I just binge-read all your writing, you're a gift to this fandom! Thank you for doing what you do. How about a scenario for Dazai when the ADA's trying to track down a criminal and he realizes too late that the criminal's targeting his s/o, who as far as he knows has no fighting ability whatsoever, and sent a group of thugs after her. He rushes off to her thinking it's too late, but when he arrives he sees that she killed them all with just a knife? (She's actually a super trained fighter.) ILY!

It's the anon with the request about Dazai finding that his s/o killed the group of thugs sent to kill her. I'm sorry - I should have clarified this earlier, but she's not just a really trained fighter, she's also used to killing so she's super calm about it. Once again, thank you!

➥ genre: fluff

➥ pairing: dazai x reader

➥ warning: very slight gore

➥ word count: 1.5k

➥ a/n: this took a while i’m so sorry i hope you’re still here 😿 & thank you so much for your kind words!! hope you like this anony ily~

Takes two to tango

Rarely is Dazai Osamu ever surprised. It almost never happens. And yet, you are once again the anomaly.

The sight in front of him is that of a bloody massacre. Blood splattered against the brick walls of the alley, barely a spot spared from the red liquid is the grey concrete road below your feet. What people would consider a horrific sight, Dazai considers absolutely beautiful.

A sight to behold — that you are.

There, atop the pile of unsightly bodies, all still and lifeless, you stand like an absolute beauty — or so it seems to Dazai. Your hair in a ponytail still flowing in the breeze, a sheen of sweat glistening your face and the look of utter effortlessness painted on your features.

“You’re a fucking monster!”

Ah, the last remaining survivor of the enemy organisation.

Dazai could very well step out of the shadows and reveal himself, save you the trouble of having to dispose of the man, but he is curious. He wants to see just what his lover is capable of doing to this one. He only made it in time to see the others already dead — he wants to admire the process behind your work.

It’s much like a child discovering a new toy — no, finding out their existing plaything has features they didn’t know existed. Dazai is amazed, interested, entranced by you as you move to the man’s side in an instant, the blade of your dagger swiftly slashing across the pale flesh of his neck with expert precision, right before he drops to the ground, contributing to the red pool of blood staining the floor.

Can you see him in the shadows? No, you don’t need to see him. You already know he’s there, don’t you? Someone with that much skill, that much knife work — he doubts that your senses would equal that of an ordinary civilian’s. But still he waits, testing you, wanting to know just how good you are.

Just how did this slip past him? How has he never realised it before?

And as you turn back, your eyes meet his. He doesn’t see the normal warmth behind them anymore — not this time. This time, he sees only vacancy; a void of emotions, something he’s used to seeing, not in other people but only in the mirror.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

They say that eyes are the windows to your soul.

Dazai doesn’t believe it. Not one bit. Especially now that he’s seen you assassinate someone with his very own eyes. But it takes him back to that day. That first day he met you. Not because they look exactly the same, but because they look the exact opposite.

It was what captured his attention in the first place; the way they smiled, how they twinkled in the orange of the sunset as they locked with his. And yet, mixed in with the vibrancy is something that Dazai couldn’t quite place — a darkness or a void.

Maybe that’s why he’s attracted to you, why he felt on edge around you. It’s not like how he would usually feel around others, most of his time being spent around members of the agency where their records are squeaky clean and out in the open. It’s easy to find out about everyone. Everyone but you.

The two of you tread around the subject like you were dancing a tango. Whether it was good or bad was debatable. Dazai would lead, asking vague questions first, in hopes to just ease you into the harder ones. But you always answer in a way that doesn’t give anything away. Still in harmony, but never completely in-sync. These conversations were always a vibrant and playful dance between the two of you; he was always on his toes.

A certain part of him knows that he got together with you because of that mystery. It intrigued him that much; how elusive you are. He didn’t notice though, how over time his focus has shifted. From wanting to find out your identity to wanting to actually get to know you. From doing things out of obligation to doing it because he actually wants to. He didn’t realise it, until he was in too deep.

And he thought maybe, maybe, he didn’t need to know. Besides, how bad could it be? Dazai has a tainted past himself, yours couldn’t be worse than his was, could it?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Worry often casts a big shadow over a small matter.

That shadow consumed Dazai earlier — the moment he realised that their target was you all along. Every inch of their makeshift headquarters was filled with photos and information of Dazai himself, as well as you. But the red circle is marked on your face.

Dazai was the end goal, and you’d be the bait.

Of course, no one knew what you were capable of at that point. Not Dazai and least of all the enemy.

He was alone, and he wasn’t the best fighter, but he’d be damned if he let anyone touch you. So without so much as a call to his partner who had been investigating elsewhere, he rushed out to hail a cab. Dazai vowed to save you, no matter how many of them he’d have to kill.

3.47pm

Your shift would end soon. As cunning as the enemy was, they wouldn’t be able to attack you in a packed café. They weren’t that stupid to put more tails on themselves. Dazai had thirteen minutes to reach you.

3.55pm

“Could you please step on the gas?”

Dazai’s exasperation was clear as day.

“I don’t control the traffic, boy.”

So was the cab driver’s.

4.02pm

The cab finally rounded the corner and the café came into view — Dazai couldn’t even wait for the driver to stop. Money was thrown into the front of the cab and he bolted out the door, past the café and dipped into the alley you always took for a faster path home.

And there he found you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

They say the greatest beauty comes from the greatest clarity.

In this moment, in the current present, Dazai is inching just a little closer to that beauty. There is meaning to that emptiness in your eyes — and he knows it all too well. How can one afford emotions when it is one’s duty to kill?

All his worry dissolves the moment he saw you wielding that knife with the finesse of a well-seasoned assassin. And now he has only one concern, the same one he’s had since he first met you: who are you?

“Aren’t you going to ask me?”

Your voice echoes in the empty alley, your fingers rubbing the blood stains off your knife with one of the poor victim’s jackets before settling it back in its holster, hidden under your dress, attached to your thigh. And as you walk towards him, Dazai sees that hint of spark in your eye — the radiance.

“What does it matter? You aren’t going to tell me the whole truth.”

But Dazai’s voice doesn’t carry a hint of malice. Just a pinch of surprise and a dash of admiration. It isn’t easy for anyone to hide anything from him. And if it wasn’t for the enemy, he would probably never have figured out you were an assassin.

“I will tell you one thing, though,” you relent as you reach him, snaking an arm around his shoulder and pressing your forehead to his.

Dazai gives a low chuckle, his hands wrapping themselves around your waist. You are definitely a dangerous one, that he knows. “And what is that, my belladonna?”

You open your eyes wider this time, and Dazai is yet again, surprised. “I don’t mix business with pleasure.”

He can’t spot any hint of that darkness he’s used to seeing when he looks into your eyes everyday. No, this time your eyes exude earnesty — is this you being completely honest?

“And I’m supposed to just trust you, now?”

Dazai still isn’t exhibiting any hostility — because he doesn’t feel the need to. He doesn’t feel like you’re disguising anything behind those words. And if there’s anybody he trusts, it’s himself.

“You want to, don’t you?”

Your voice carries an absolute confidence, and Dazai is fairly impressed. How insightful you are. No matter how much he wants to deny it, he can’t. Even if he does, you’d see through this at least.

“Ah, my beautiful belladonna—” he gives you a quick peck on the lips — “is there anything that escapes you?”

But of course there is, and you both know it. As much as you are a mystery, Dazai is an enigma. Your occupation is a conundrum, and so is everything that makes Dazai who he is. And even so, you both let it slide, because as time drones on, there is one thing that glues you together.

It is not love, no. You’re not there yet. It’s an unspeakable feeling that attaches you to him, and him to you. Something that neither of you can put into words, yet have so much faith in in spite of that. And as questionable as the both of you find this relationship, you find that you can’t quite let go.

[kittenminari]

ik this may seem weird but idk anyone irl who is non binary but how did you like.. know you were non-binary ? im feeling really confused right now (u can delete this if u dont wanna answer )

hi I don’t mind answering at all, I am sorry I’m getting to this a lil late though lol. 

I’m not sure I could give the best advice though,, I sorta just fell into it if that makes sense? my gender identity has been a thing on my mind since early high school and a lot of my questioning it stemmed from feeling super uncomfy when people would call me with female identifiers. it wasn’t until recently, like really recently, that I realized I wanted to address it. 

also,, not to be too much of a nerd,, but dnd really helped me when figuring this all out. I guess that’s what’s really nice about rpgs, you can make characters and play around with things to see what you might be comfortable with. I remember making one of my characters non binary,, and idk, playing them just gave me a sense of happiness I hadn’t felt whenever I was called as a girl. it was one of those things where I was like “oh, this is nice, and I don’t feel super uncomfortable” 

so really I think it’s about finding what you’re most comfortable with. and if you don’t know, that’s ok! and it’s ok to try different things till you find something that you do feel comfortable with. 

I hope this helped and I’m wishing you all the best, anonie 💕💕💕

[blarhiv]

hi, i was the recent anon who asked abt ur opinion abt ppl calling jimin out with his stage presence, and i was very sad just by reading these set of comments who called him out like that when the comment they replied under was standing up for jimin and then the replies started to kinda think low of him when he wasn't even part of anything, and the fact that this person actually said jimin was the least. and then another comment replied, he's a good dancer, but he's very boxed, and focuses +

focuses more on his dance-- when it was the complete opposite. everything she said abt jimin was the complete opposite, i wish i could copy paste everything she said right now, but i dont wanna be at the worst mood bc of it. it really pissed me off, bc the replies were only defending the others, whereas jimin was the only one who was disregarded. they say jk and v, have the best stage presence, but there is also jhope, and i think they only have that idea pretty much because they're also the two most popular members in the whole group, and you knoww the visuals. i dont really disagree with them having oke of the best stage presence bc it's true, but the fact that they would degrade jimin or rank him at the least when it comes to dominating the stage, makes no sense whatsoever for me. that is completely ironic, if u were to tell me. out of everyone, they name him like that. seeing as to how im a person who's attached to him for a very long time now, it's sad to say that they sad to say that they have missed so much about him. like they're forcing themselves to deny him like that. I'm just super sad when everyone talks about him like this, especially that he's the most insecure and perfectionist out of all the members, working himself off to the brim of torture. and yet here they are. she said, (i literally had to copy paste this) "jimin has stage presence but i feel like it's very boxed into what he's used to, sometimes he focuses on his dance you don't see the feeling on his face or vice versa, the way he interacts with the crowd is also limited idk its very limited to me.... he's definitely talented but stage presence and HOW you command a crowd is a whole other thing. Its like a painter being a master at all the fundamentals but it's different when someone is a master AND goes beyond the fundamentals, wrecks havoc on a canvas, creating something that evokes wild emotions into whoever sees their art..." (- banconx on YouTube) was what she said, but isn't that what he has been doing his entire career? the fact that he enraptures me just by the growl of his voice he is actually very loud and he knows how to use his volume. the fact that just by a look from him, he has dominated the whole performance, for example with that one performance they had in a concert during Dope, and the Perfect Man stage are good few examples especially thE fAN dance that he did. he recieved the most attention during the dance line's intro in Idol MMA 2018. he literally sassed everyone at that time the responses said he was boring and only focused on his dance-- how when at the same time he still gave off strong vibes and with his facial expressions, and the fact that his moves were still very sharp without looking away from his dance. and obviously the rest of the members were also trying to focus with the accuracy of their dances, just by doing the same with whatever jimin was executing. instead of having me convinced that these people were giving out their opinions, they have convinced me that they more of clowning him. so, that actually means they're shaming the whole music industry. and i know i am overreacting but it just pisses me off, because they were making no sense. and i wanted to rant to someone. i know i said so much, but that's how park jimin made me so dedicated to him and how much he has inspired and motivated me to become a performer myself. (idk if im adding)

Anonie,sorry for late answer.

I understand your feelings.. Sometimes it seems really hard,but please try not to be affected so much about what other people have to say (haters and antis include). People most likely want reaction,or they just have nothing to do etc etc etc. So instead of giving them what they want, focus on your own opinion, focus on why you love Jimin, not on why they hate him(haters gonna hate anyway,while boys will live their best life).

[toukatan]

Oh god, sorry about that. Please get some sleep. 🍪🥛 Thank you for being so lovely all the time. I didn’t mean to rush you. Your hard work is super appreciated miss benita.

my apologies for answering so late i was helping a family member out all day but no need to be sorry anonie, all is aokay i like keeping up with you guys so don’t say sorry! i did rest i promiseeeee though it’s 2am right now agusbeje and nooo i appreciate you for being angels i love love y’all and i have to say i literally went 😳😳 — because you called me miss benita like omg i’m not used to that at all, hello i am miss benita abhsjwbdj anonies power right now

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 15

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 5, Chapter 10, Last Chapter

Writing Masterlist - for previous chapters not otherwise linked, Read on AO3

Notes (I guess): Two months. It took me two months to write this chapter. I... I’m honestly kinda surprised at myself...

Umm... I didn’t intend on writing this chapter so early, it was meant to be dragged on for a while more and has kind of a big time jump in it (for plot reasons, trust me), but I mean... the fuck with it. The world deserves some BAMF Emile, we need some cuddles, and the subject of the first... three fourths of this chapter is one that I went to friends from a discord server with and told them I’m trying to make it really subtle and one of them just went, “This isn’t subtle at all, this shit is jumping off the walls and doing somersaults in front of me.”

So I mean... let’s get this over with! Let’s let the cat halfway out of the bag and have the first Emile-centered chapter of many, many others planned.

Thanks as always go to @whatwashernameagain for KHS and for not geting super extra frustrated with all my weird questions, to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for being my guinea pig most of the time and for the original idea, and to @winglessnymph and @asleepybisexual and @anony-phangirl for sticking with me and my insane ideas from the beginning (and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you shit about this chapter, but y’all knew it was coming).

Tag list (sort of): @bunny222, @ab-artist, @sweet-and-sour-shadowling, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters, @ilovemygaydad, @violetblossem, @maybe-i-like-the-misery, @book-of-charlie, @thatsanswitch, @thatrandomautist

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). Not as much in here, actually in this chapter it’s pretty non-existent, but this trigger warning goes in every chapter. This chapter also includes Holocaust mentions, discussion of mental health, and that’s honestly about it I think but please let me know if there’s anything I missed.

—————

Wednesday, March 19th, 2003

"Do you understand why I asked you to come here today?" Gilliam asked, clicking a pen.

Emile was frozen in his seat.

"Umm…" Emile's leg started shaking. "Is it about my last project…? I swear I really did read everything I said I—"

"Look…" Gilliam sighed. "You're a fantastic student. Really, Emile. You are one of my best students. But… I gotta say, you remind me of myself, and not in a good way."

"What do you mean…?"

"Do you mind if we went over your last test?" Emile nodded, feeling the heavy sensation in his stomach get even stronger.

"The last test I took was the implicit…"

"Your last written test," Gilliam clarified. "The one in December." He pulled out a folder labeled and decorated with a mint green marker.

‘Emile Picani - 2002/3'

"Your answers were great," Gilliam said with a sad smile as he pulled out the last test from the back of the folder. "They just didn't fit the questions. Look here, define four of the following five Gestalt Laws of Organization."

"I defined four of the following five Gestalt Laws—"

"You explained them, Emile. Define and explain are two very different instructions. I've been there too, kid. I know it's confusing." Emile wanted to vanish right then and there. It wasn't… he was trying his best! "Also, question eight, part c, why do we dream?" The doctor started underlining the question with his pen, thankfully closed. "Take one of the proposed theories and provide one way in which this may be supported."

"But… but I did—"

"Part d, take the same theory from part c and provide a way in which it might be refuted."

Well… they were going to kick him out, weren't they.

"You're a very smart kid, Emile Picani. I'll bet you so many people told you you have such potential and all that… I know it's very frustrating." Gilliam pushed Emile's glasses up, wiping his eyes from unshed tears in the process. It was… somewhat calming. "Did anyone ever suggest that you might have ADHD?"

Emile shook his head. That possibility… well, he didn't want it to be a possibility! Sure, it wasn't the end of the world if he did, but… his parents didn't have to pay for more adderall than necessary, their neighbors didn't need any more reasons to call his mom a drug addict! And… the counselor at his high school had to be right. He was stupid… wasn't he? Learning disabilities just made you stupid…

He was useless. Regardless of what his professor thought.

"Getting into university at seventeen years old is no easy fit," Gilliam kept rambling. "I remember Walter reading your essay to me—"

"Walter?"

"...oh, right! Professor Freeman." Emile's eyes darkened a bit, as if he already knew what was about to be said. Gilliam just laughed. "Yeah, he immigrated from Germany in the late forties I think… poor guy. Changed his last name and everything! Yeah… so anyway, he read your essay to me. We fought a lot of people to have you accepted! I just… I have to ask you. Have you ever had issues like that in school?"

Emile nodded.

"And not in school?"

"I… I guess, yeah… why?"

Gilliam just pulled a light purple post-it note, scribbled something on it, scribbled the same thing again after opening his pen, and handed it to the very confused Emile.

"I said it before, but this time I mean it even more than last time. Go to the psych clinic. I'll write you a referral if you find it hard to talk to them, just let me know, but in my opinion you really should get evaluated for ADHD."

As Emile got up to leave, he fiddled with the note in his hands. It was… he was…

Was he really going to do that…?

"Austria," he mumbled as he reached the door.

"Excuse me?"

"Dr. Freeman is Austrian, not German. It can be confusing, I know. His family immigrated in 1947. And his last name is Landau. He never changed it, he just goes by Freeman for teaching because nobody liked the ‘Germans' post-Holocaust."

"Did he tell you that…?"

"You said he read you my essay, I thought you guessed already."

He was sure he left Gilliam baffled. But it didn't help the sinking feeling in his stomach any.

————

"I can't have it," Emile mumbled against Remy's chest, the note semi-safely in his pocket. "I don't want to!"

"Emmy, gurl, you realize you're making a huge deal out of nothing, right?" Remy laughed. "It's ADHD. It's not terminal cancer."

That made Emile cry even harder.

"No, no… Emile, it's gonna be alright. I promise. Okay? You trust me?"

"My uncle would be so disappointed," Emile whispered. "He's the reason I'm here! And… and I'm disappointing him so much!"

"You're a legacy, sweets?"

"Kinda… I guess." He sniffled. Remy felt his heart break even more, and for what? A mental disorder, a learning disability, a small neurological difference that only made him (in Remy's opinion) even more awesome? "I don't want him to… to lose his status... especially not because of me! He worked so hard to get a teaching position and I don't want to be his downfall!"

"Who's this uncle, sweetie? If you having ADHD will be his downfall he's probably not such a good—"

"Doctor Landau— Umm, Doctor Freeman. He's my mom's uncle."

Remy was… needless to say he was speechless.

"Which Freeman are we talking about, love?"

"Head of psychology, Doctor Walter Freeman."

...his name is LANDAU?!

"...so after about six months of knowing you, you finally decide to tell me that you're the great-nephew of the head of department?!" Emile giggled against Remy's chest. He couldn't believe it! "Scandalous! Preposterous! Un-be-fucking-lievable! Emile!"

"I swear that's not how I got in," Emile muttered happily. "I wrote an essay, I swear I did!"

"Okay, but still, gurl, that's not a secret! It's too big to be called a secret."

"There's no such a thing as too big a secret," Emile said in a near-perfect imitation of Freeman's accent, and then giggled again. "And besides, it wasn't a secret. You never asked!"

"My love, when I die, I want you to tell my dad that I loved him," Remy said in an overly dramatic tone, pretending to faint right there on the couch. "Give all my possessions to Leah—"

"Stop it, you drama queen!"

"Oh, I'm a queen, alright."

The conversation was interrupted by Katherine doing as Katherine does - which today meant running from her room to the kitchen, grabbing an orange and running right back, as if not to be seen - but as soon as she disappeared, Emile broke into an even bigger giggle fit.

"My aunt would be so disappointed if she knew I was crying over this," he said at last, calming down from his laughing fit. "Caroline is the harsher one of them, and… and she used to visit Evanston every couple months when my mom was in university to help her get through her degree and raise my sister. My mom had my sister really young, you know? She and my dad were nineteen, and… okay, sorry, I'm getting sidetracked…"

"Please keep talking, love," Remy told him gently, with a soft smile and a pat on the head. "I can go make you some more tea if you'd like before we continue?"

"No, that's alright! Maybe later!" The blond almost threw himself off the couch in excitement. "I actually think… I think I should talk to them about this… I mean, Caroline would almost certainly get mad at me for thinking it'll ruin his career, and Walter would help me through the whole diagnosis thing… he did the same with Julie before we knew what she had is narcolepsy, you know? So…"

"So is there really anything to be scared of?"

Emile shook his head. Remy wiped his tear-streaked cheeks with gentle fingers, fixing his glasses right after that.

"I… I'm gonna do it. Okay? I'm gonna do it."

He was so proud of himself. It was so cute.

—————

Friday, March 21st, 2003; 15:43 p.m.

"Doctor," the resident student-psychiatrist (Thelma Grinberg, an overly boring MS student Emile already knew) called as she stretched her hand to shake his uncle's hand. "That's a surprise."

"Since Emile is still a minor, I had to accompany him," he explained sharply. "Neither of his parents could come here today."

"Caroline could've come too," Emile mumbled.

"Your aunt has a busy schedule today, Emile."

"You do too…"

Thelma seemed incredibly confused, but kept going anyway. And it took her longer than was probably necessary to get through all the questions.

Emile hated people like that. (And so did his uncle.)

He was dropped off at his dorm before his uncle had to leave, and that probably spooked Remy more than it should have. The kind "Mr. Harris, nice to see you" didn't help any.

"How did it go?" Remy asked, looking almost straight at Emile.

"Quite well, I would say." The smile looked incredibly weird on the older man's face. "Call your mother for me. Tell her everything that happened today, ja?" Emile nodded eagerly. "Thank you, Emile."

"I didn't ask—"

And with a strict "I expect to see you at my office on Monday, Mr. Harris", the professor left the dorm building, leaving behind a happy blond and his flustered best friend.

"...what was that?!"

"I have to go there again a couple days before spring break for another test, and then after Passover for a TOVA," Emile explained, rather excitedly. "You know what a TOVA is, don't y—"

"It's that test where you click a button according to instructions, I know. Mueller explained it to everyone three days ago, Emmy."

"Oh right! And… and I guess that after those tests I'll know if I have anything!"

After a long moment of awkward silence, Emile tapped Remy's shoulder again. "Care to come over for the holidays? You didn't for Hanukkah and now my parents really want you to! I mean… I do too, but my parents haven't really met you yet and they think you're pretty cool and—"

"Sure, I'll come."

Emile had to do a bit of a double take. "Seriously? Remy, I don't think you understand what you're signing up for here, it's all my cousins from three different countries, most of them don't speak English, my grandparents, uncle Walter and aunt Caroline, maybe even mom's cousins if they'd be so grateful as to—"

"No, I get it, sweetie. I have, like, twenty cousins on Linda's side alone, more or less. I'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

Remy may have known before that he'll do anything to see Emile smile, but… he's never realized it until now. Probably? Maybe? But as Emile started bouncing happily and jumped in to hug him, Remy finally accepted the reality.

Coming over to Emile's during spring break was no trouble, but… in the long run, he would do anything to see him smile.

—————

Wednesday, April 16th, 2003

This was… definitely not spring break anymore. Remy was pretty sure that the higher ups in administration would rip him a new nonexistent one when they found out why he took a week's vacation in the middle of the spring semester…

Then again, so did a lot of the other students, and some of the staff. So maybe he was exaggerating…?

Eh. Finals start the week after that and end in May. He can allow himself a week off.

And yet he still had no idea how he ended up like this, watching Prince of Egypt with his best friend and said friend's three-year old niece at nine in the morning, as said friend's mom was overworking herself in the kitchen trying to make space and food for over thirty people…

Oh, and there was a dog too. She was currently playing with a squeaky toy, but she was there.

He only processed that this is the situation he's in once Emile started trying to get his niece singing. He had no idea what was going on on screen, but… something was.

"Mom, where's everyone?" Emile called to the kitchen after failing - for the hundredth time - to engage Analiese.

"Where could everyone possibly be, Emile?"

"Walter and Caroline are in town for the things you forgot to buy, grandma and grandpa are probably at their connection…" he started mumbling, counting on his fingers in an odd fashion. "I don't know!"

"You just said so yourself," Remy laughed quietly, grabbing Emile's hands gently. "Let's go over this again. Walter and Caroline are in town, your grandparents are at their connection…"

"Yeah, I know that," he groaned, slightly frustrated. "I just… everyone… here. That's what… that's what I'm confused about. Where's everyone here."

"...where everyone is seated?" Emile nodded. "Oh gurl… do you wanna make place holders, organize the seating, do you want to…"

"I just want to make sure nobody wants to sit on both my sides. One is okay, but you have to sit on my other side and I'm worried about that."

Oh…

"Well, we're gonna make sure that nobody takes my seat, okay?" Remy asked, kissing Emile's cheek afterwards.

"I sit with Emile!" Analiese declared, her attention now directed at the boys. Emile started laughing and leaned over to pinch her chubby cheek.

"We will read together, and sing together, and if mom complains we're gonna tell her off, right Ana?"

The toddler nodded, extremely determined, and Remy felt his heart melt all over again.

This was too good to be true, and not even seeing his most feared professor walk through the door and sit down next to them in the living room could shake this feeling. For once, Remy wasn't scared of this man. Through some odd change of fate, or something like that.

"So this is your first time doing such a thing?" Doctor La— Doctor Freeman asked, smiling gently as Analiese bounced in his lap and rambled about everything she's done this week. "Participating in Passover?"

"Yes, sir."

"He's my uncle now, not our professor," Emile laughed, squeezing Remy's hand. "You don't have to be so scared of him."

It didn't work as instantly as he wanted it to, but as the night went on, Remy actually… found that he wasn't that scared of him anymore.

As he said, this was too good to be true. And nothing could ever seem to be able to shake this good feeling.

[thedefinitionofbts]

Crossroads Hiding the Moon

Pairings: Min Yoongi x Reader | Min Yoongi x OC

Genre: Single Dad!Yoongi, Baby!Taehyung, Angst and Fluff

Words: 8K

Description: As requested by anon: “A single dad! yoongi with a toddler? Like super angst in a way that his wife suddenly left them so he turns cold. But then someone comes into their life and his son started calling her mommy, they try to work it out for the kid. Just when everything's better, the ex wife returns and things get complicated but ends up in fluff.”

A/N: My first request! Omg, I finished this super fast because I got way too excited to do a request lol. Well, I hope you enjoy this anonie :)

Present 

If there is anything Min Yoongi hates more than being late for important events, it’s driving through the rain during rush hour. He’s on his way to pick up his four year old son, Taehyung, after a long day in the studio, and maybe if Jungkook was more vocally skilled at execution or if Namjoon wasn’t so nit picky about the lyrics, he wouldn’t feel as emotionally drained while the sun was still up. But no, the overly self-confident main vocalist was too arrogant to take constructive criticism seriously, and the popular boy group’s resident genius was too much of a perfectionist to let one ���lackluster” chorus slide. So here he is, sitting in the his car listening to the unrelenting raindrops splatter against his windshield, and waiting for the vehicle in front of him to stop drunkenly swerving into his lane.  

Truthfully, Yoongi had been feeling rather uneasy all day. He was reluctant to send Taehyung off to daycare, not knowing if the other children would make fun of the toddler for his second hand clothing that Yoongi barely had the money to afford or his eccentric personality that is often misunderstood. Yoongi’s new job didn’t allow children to run around the studio, and it was his first big break, finally being hired by a company as established in the music industry as BigHit just when rent was due in less than 2 weeks and his bank account had been sucked dry because he insisted on buying that expensive pair of shoes for the toddler’s birthday, even if it meant he had to skip lunch each day for the next month. He had barely been scraping by before his self-composed song was selected as the winner of the online competition BigHit had held for rising producers, and it was like the heaven’s was finally listening to his silent prayers.

It’s still pouring as the traffic continues to move at a snails pace, causing Yoongi to drown in his overly worried mind once again. He was afraid Taehyung would be the last kid picked up, having to watch all the other children leave with their parents causing him to start having thoughts of Yoongi abandoning him, just like his mother did. Yoongi swallows thickly and grips the steering wheel tighter, forcing himself not to think about something he’s been trying to forget for over two years now.

 When he arrives at the daycare, Yoongi sees Taehyung sitting alone by the window, shoulder slightly slump and legs that were too short to touch the ground swinging carelessly as he stared at the pellets of water trickling down the glass, blurring the view of the grey world outside. He almost looks like he was deep in thought, and it makes Yoongi wonder if Taehyung’s young mind is actually thinking about something profound or if his head was just filled with his favorite cartoons on replay.

“Ah, Mr. Min! You’re finally here.” The friendly voice of the woman in charge snaps Yoongi out of his thoughts, bringing him back to the task at hand.

Yoongi clears his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, I’m here to pick up Taehyung.”

At the sound of his name, Taehyung’s little head perks up and a boxy smile appears on his face as he turns his head to see his father standing at the doorway. And before Yoongi can call him over, the four year old was already a step ahead and had ran over to jump into his arms.

“Daddy!” He laughs, nuzzling his head into the crook of Yoongi’s neck as the older male lifts him off the ground.

“He’s been waiting for quite a while.” The lady brings up the fact that Yoongi was nearly 45 minutes late, as if it hadn’t been obvious by the room void of children except Tae. She has a smile on her face, so Yoongi assumes she doesn’t say that with ill intent but rather concern for his son who had to watch all the other kids leave with their parents.

“Sorry, Tae, this won’t happen again.” Yoongi apologizes, bouncing the little boy in his arms to get in a more comfortable position.

Taehyung shakes his head. “It’s ok, I knew you’d come.”

Yoongi reaches up and ruffles Taehyung’s fluffy hair, smiling at the little boy because his heart felt too full to describe whatever emotion he was feeling into words. If Yoongi was being really honest, the kid was the only person filling that miserable numbness he wakes up to each morning, the only person that can actually bring out a genuine smile from the depths of his being, even if he has to force himself to ignore the other person that Taehyung reminds him of. He often wonders if Taehyung hides his sadness with a childish front, but maybe that was just Yoongi overthinking again or even an effect of projecting his own mindset on the toddler. On one hand, the kid was only four years old, and yet on the other, he had already gone through so much at such a young age.  

Taehyung doesn’t want to get his new shoes wet, and honestly neither does Yoongi because Gucci for kids still cost the rising producer an arm and a leg, so Yoongi offers to carry him on the condition that he holds the umbrella–“because daddy doesn’t have three arms”. And of course Taehyung doesn’t object, and so the two of them walk to Yoongi’s car that is parked a block away because street parking was much cheaper than paying for a spot in the lot.

“Daddy look, that person doesn’t have an umbrella” Yoongi’s head turns in the direction that Taehyung’s stubby finger is pointed, and low and behold he see’s you using your wallet sized purse to cover your head in a feeble attempt to remain somewhat dry as you ran towards them waiting for the light to turn green at the crosswalk.  

Yoongi stands still, head positioned straight, and gaze fixed at the passing cars on the street as you reached the spot where he was standing with Taehyung, pretending like there wasn’t someone being drenched in the rain while he remained sheltered under an umbrella large enough to fit an entire family.

“Aww, you’re so sweet, thank you.” Your comment makes Yoongi’s jerk his head around and realize just what had happened. Unbeknownst to him, Taehyung had moved the umbrella in a way so that it covered your head as well, and now the three of you were in a situation Yoongi would rather not have to address at a time like this.

“You’re pretty” Taehyung says, giggling a little as he continued to look at your with wide eyes and an impossibly friendly smile.

“Tae” Yoongi mildly scolds, wondering what had gotten into his son, questioning why in the world Taehyung would take part in such an unusual act of kindness towards a stranger on the street, and it wasn’t until Yoongi’s eyes meet directly with yours that the answer to that very question became as obvious as day.

You were almost a mirror image of her.

 …

 Past

When he was younger, Min Yoongi was a big fan of love that was like summer rain. The kind that hits you suddenly and bursts out of your soul like the scent of earthly elements coming back to life, filling the atmosphere when a seemingly never-ending drought finally comes to an end. Blame his artistic mind and tendency to describe emotion through song, a habit of his that manifested as an interest for the arts when he was young and caused him to spend most of his time listening to music rather than playing with other kids outside. And it was precisely for that reason that Min Yoongi knew he wanted to be a composer from the moment he entered college, opting to major in music the second he got the chance to meet with his university counselor.

He didn’t care what his parents thought of it, didn’t heed the advice from his older successful businessman brother-who was always the favorite in the family-about the risks of trying to make it big in the turbulent music industry. Yoongi was a big believer in passion being the key to success, of course not without hard work and discipline, which was why he found himself in the music theater, practicing classical pieces on the grand piano without an audience, every single day of the year. Because not only was it a place he came to associate with the undying love he harbored for music and the optimistic hope he had for the future, it was also where he met Kim Chaewon for the very first time.

“You’re Min Yoongi, right?”

The silvery voice floats over to Yoongi’s ear, cutting through the musical piece he had been so thoroughly absorbed in. It was almost too cliché because Chaewon exhibited a kind of beauty that made his jaw drop the moment he lifted his gaze off the black and white keys and spotted her walking down the steps to the empty stage. Even though the performance hall was only half lit, her skin still managed to glow smoothly under the dim artificial lighting, and her eyes were large and puppy-like, kind and gentle, like warm spring zephyr.

“Yeah, I am.” Yoongi answers, eyes still fixed on the girl who is smiling at him like winter snow had just melted away after months of turning to decaying slush.

“The one the professor kept raving about in class today, right?”

“Oh, that was…” Yoongi scratches the back of his neck, reminded of how embarrassing it was for the music professor to brag about his project on sound layering. He didn’t like being the center of attention and had sunk lower in the seat when the man had mentioned his name, not that anyone could put a face to his name, or so he thought. 

She giggles, light and airy, making Yoongi flush because he’s never met anyone who’s shown genuine interest in his novice work, well except for said professor who keeps praising him in front of the class.

“I forgot to mention, I’m Chaewon. You probably don’t me, but I’ve secretly been listening to you play for quite a while now and just summed up the guts to talk to you today.” Her gaze drops shyly, waiting for Yoongi to respond to her confession.

Yoongi’s at lost for words, not knowing how to respond to such a statement, especially when she’s making his heart beat a mile a minute. At the very least he’s poised enough to thank her for being a fan, which sounded really dumb stuttering out of his nervous mouth but manages to make her laugh, so it wasn’t all in vain he supposes. 

Yoongi never thought about how it would feel to actually have someone support his dreams, he wasn’t looking for that kind of reassurance because he was used to being looked down upon. He was used to chasing after something that was unimaginably far away, one that makes him feel like he was running in place every day and that tomorrow would never truly arrive. It never really bothered him because his passion for music stayed true, and he was always confident that he would never stray from that path that would take him closer towards his dream, but Kim Chaewon came to him like summer rain. She was the first person to sincerely believe in him, and she did it when no one else bothered to give his music a chance, when the rest of the world was against his humble beginnings and rejected the potential of an underdog making it to the top.

“You’re going to be an amazing songwriter and producer one day.” Chaewon says to Yoongi as they walk under the cascading cherry blossoms on a warm April afternoon. The sun was warmer than normal today, and the scenery was hazy like an actual dream, only it was actually real and closer than anything else in Yoongi’s life at the time.  

“I really hope so.” Yoongi sighs, reminded of all the obstacles that lie on the road ahead.

“I know you will because you’re Min Yoongi and the world deserves to be graced by your unparalleled art.”

Kim Chaewon was ethereal, because not only was her outer appearance angelic and otherworldly, her personality was just as lovely as Yoongi eventually learned over the years. And although Yoongi knew from the moment their minds clicked like that of soulmates that she was the one, it was because she stuck with him through the all-time lows, those periods when he lost the magic touch and would he hit a slump that barred him from coming up with anything good for months, that led Yoongi to love Chaewon more than that satisfying feeling of finally completing a song that conveyed exactly what he intended, more than the way rain cascades like diamond tears from the sky and ends in a passing sun shower that gives birth to a rainbow, and more than everything he thought was meaningful in life before she lit up his world.

 Their love was a crystal clear story, one that wasn’t supposed to end.

 …

 Present

Grocery shopping is always a pain, and not entirely due to the fact that Yoongi was literally broke, but because he had to take time to consider healthy options for his growing boy. If it was just him, he would be fine shoving cheap junk down his esophagus or surviving on minimal food for most of the month, but because of Taehyung, he was forced to actually prepare meals with vegetables and make sure Tae always has his daily serving of fruits, which entailed a trip to the grocery store every weekend.

Luckily Taehyung isn’t all that picky for a four year old, but he was addicted to coke and Yoongi can do nothing but blame himself for allowing the kid to get his hands on the addictive soft drink. In his defense, he didn’t think one sip could have such a dramatic effect, but boy was he wrong.

“Coke!” Taehyung shouts, finger pointing at the 2-liter bottles of black liquid with their signature red label, lined on the shelves. His eyes were opened wide and sparkling like he just saw his first love.

“Not today, Tae” Yoongi mutters, ignoring the boy’s disappointed pout and quickly pushing the shopping cart past the soda section and heading straight towards the breakfast cereals and oatmeal.

He’s trying to decide if cereal is healthy or not. He’s heard of most types being just pure sugar, but there has to be some vitamins hidden in there, right? It was convenient that’s for sure, and Yoongi was definitely a fan of anything that required minimal preparation from box to mouth. Especially in the mornings when he would feel most groggy and not have any motivation to even think about food.  

“Hi!” Yoongi hears Taehyung shout at someone walking down the isle, and at first he suspects it’s just some random person that caught his son’s attention, but as he tears his gaze away from the nutrition information printed on the cereal box, he sees someone who makes him do a double take.

The world was definitely fucking with him.

“Hey there little fella, so we meet again.” You smile at the little boy who shared his umbrella with you the other day, reaching over and patting his head as he sat in the shopping cart.

“I’m Y/N by the way, sorry I didn’t have the chance to introduce myself the other day.” You wait for the father of the little boy to look up at you.

“Min Yoongi” He responds, still avoiding eye contact.

“I see you’re taking good care of him” You hint at the box of cheerios that Yoongi was scrutinizing.

“I try” He exhales, throwing the box into the cart and preparing to walk off.

You trail after them, wanting to help out in some way because they had been so kind to you on that rainy day and the kid was the cutest little bun you had ever seen.

“Almond milk would be a good option to pair with that.” You suggest. “Calcium for strong bones.” Your voice is light and optimistic, a tone that Yoongi isn’t so happy to be met with because he’s used to being left alone and ignored.

“Are you some sort of expert?” Yoongi scoffs, mildly annoyed at the fact that you’re clearly not going away, but it’s not like he can just voice that directly.

“I’m not a certified nutritionist, but I know a few things.” You grin, flashing Yoongi a knowing look before taking them down each isle and explaining what foods are healthy as well as easy to prepare. “My sister has a son about the same age as yours, and I babysit for her the time.” You explain, trying to lighten the mood.

He’s more than reluctant at first, face remaining as stoic as ever, but Yoongi hates grocery shopping and he’s too tired to keep reading lists of nutrition information and trying to decipher the hoard of long words he doesn’t even know. So he looks at you momentarily before nodding and diverting his eyes, praying that this’ll be a one-time thing and that it ends as soon as he checks out of the store.

He didn’t welcome your friendly attitude towards him because he didn’t need another person in his life to smile at him like everything was ok, like there’s another chance for him to be happy again and have the courage to trust emotions he doesn’t think are real anymore. Not when you’re standing in front of him looking more breathtaking than anyone he’s seen in years, not when you give off such a soothing and caring aura that Yoongi wishes he hadn’t noticed, and certainly not when you remind him so much of the person he still loves no matter how hard he tries to forget.

It’s pathetic, but Yoongi wants to avoid complicated shit like the plague. He doesn’t need another love story that’ll ripe his heart into tiny pieces and leave him slowly bleeding out on an empty street. He doesn’t need light that makes him believe in lies that disguise themselves as promises, and he doesn’t want to open wounds that have not and will most certainly never heal, because he knows if history repeats itself, he won’t come out of it alive the second time.

“You need help with that?” You offer, gesturing to the arm full of plastic bags Yoongi was holding as the three of you walk out of the store.

“No” He says, detached and not even bothering to spare you a glance.

Yoongi feels Taehyung tug on his pant leg, and he knows exactly what the little boy wants.

“Daddy can’t carry you now, you have to walk like a big boy.”

Taehyung whimpers, a noise that makes the hair on Yoongi’s neck stand up because he knows what’s coming next. And Yoongi curses in his head because you were still walking next to them, which Yoongi is starting to question why you hadn’t left yet because he doesn’t want you to witness what his son’s about to do next.

Taehyung starts wailing, loudly. And it sounds so sad anyone who heard his cries would think his dog had just died or something because no four year old should be able to convey emotions so depressing with just ugly sobbing over something as trivial as having to walk when he wants to be carried, but Tae manages to excel in that area and Yoongi swears the kid could grow up to be an amazing actor-but that’s besides the point right now. The sound echoes throughout the neighborhood, ricocheting off the walls of the houses lining the streets, causing passerbys to cover their ears in annoyance and Yoongi’s face to flush hotly from the growing embarrassment.

“Tae” Yoongi scolds through gritted teeth, but his harsh attitude on makes the boy cry even more. Yoongi closes his eyes and curses again, but just as he was about to bend over and attempt to lift the boy up with seven shopping bags in hand, you’ve already beat him to the catch.

“Awww, don’t cry sweetie, I’ll carry you” You’ve already lifted the toddler up into your arms, wiping his tear stained cheeks with a handkerchief from your purse. “It’s tiring to walk isn’t it?” 

Taehyung nods and looks at you with puffy red eyes, but just as soon as you beam at him, his boxy smiles makes a return and it was as if he hadn’t just been bawling just a minute ago.

Yoongi sighs, making a mental note that he needs to stop spoiling Taehyung before the kid starts thinking he can always get his way.

“Don’t you have better things to do?” The question slips out of Yoongi’s mouth after another fifteen minutes of walking, but he regrets it immediately because the pregnant pause that follows starts to suffocate him and he doesn’t even have the guts to look at the flustered expression on your face.

“I-I, ummm”

Yoongi almost regrets calling you out the way he did. He wasn’t purposefully trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but his query was valid. Why were you following them home?

“I know this probably sounds crazy, but I live in the same apartment complex as you. I’ve seen the two of you around, but I-I guess I probably shouldn’t have assumed you knew me since I’ve never officially introduced myself before.”

Yoongi doesn’t know what to think. He’s now certain that the world was fucking with him because this is definitely fate throwing him some kind of curve ball that he can’t escape, or maybe it’s more like a boomerang that’s aimed towards his head.

He clears his throat. “Oh”

That’s all he says in response to your explanation. He doesn’t address the issue further, not when the rest of the walk remains shrouded in silence or when the tension between you and him is skyrocketing through the roof as Yoongi struggles with the door to the apartment complex and is unwilling to ask you to help him, only to grunt a muffled thanks when you rush to his aid with his son still in your arms, and not even when you put Taehyung back on the ground and wave good-bye to the toddler as you exit the elevator on the fifth floor.

 …

 Past

Chaewon informs Yoongi that she’s missed her period, and normally this wouldn’t alarm her if it weren’t for the added tenderness in her breasts and weird food cravings that she hasn’t experienced until recently or the fact that she and Yoongi had just made love for the first time right after the both of them successfully graduated from university. He had suggested using protection on that night, but Chaewon didn’t think anything unexpected would happen from one time.

Evidently, she was wrong.

“Yoongi, I’m pregnant.” Chaewon holds the pregnancy test up so Yoongi can examine the double lines that have appeared. There’s no joy in her face, no disappointment either, but rather a subtle hint of fear tainting her formerly cheerful eyes. 

They weren’t married, and they didn’t have stable jobs or their lives put together. In such a situation, who wouldn’t be terrified to see those two tiny markings on such a life-altering day? Chaewon is thinking about what she’s going to say to her parents, running through all the options they have when it comes to dealing with this, and praying that maybe the test was wrong and that she was only experiencing such symptoms because of stress or a hormonal imbalance not due to the zygote now latched on to her uterine wall.

“Chaewon…” Yoongi gasps, rushing over and embracing her as if he had just been gifted all the stars in the universe, embracing the feeling of excitement mixed with apprehension saturating his senses like it was the most beautiful moment in his life.

“What do we do?” She utters, so softly Yoongi has to lean down and caress her cheek, lifting her chin so he can gaze sincerely into her eyes with the utmost resolve.

“We’ll welcome our beautiful child into this world.”

 …

Present 

“Yoongi!”

Ok, so now Yoongi is convinced that you’re just a stalker. Like how? He had just walked out of the apartment to take a walk and clear his head after getting Taehyung to take a nap. And just as he was running through all of these album concepts in his head, you happened to spot him strolling along the sidewalk towards the park next to the apartment complex.

Yoongi’s ready to sigh wearily as he sees you walk up to him.

“I was just about to ask if you wanted to have Taehyung meet my sister’s son, Park Jimin. I’m going to babysitting him all next week and if you’re busy with work and stuff, you can drop him off at my apartment.” You smile, waiting for some kind of response from Yoongi. He was so hard to read you begin to wonder if he’s just like that because of his natural personality or if he really didn’t want to see you because there was no sign of elation or even pretend politeness on his face.  

“Sure.” Yoongi doesn’t think things through before answering, and he mentally scolds himself for not considering the aftermath of taking you up on your offer, because now he’s officially caught in a relationship more intimate that he promised he would ever allow himself to be with another person. Fuck.

But the thought of not having to rush out of the BigHit building and picking Taehyung up after daycare was just too tempting, and better yet, he didn’t even have to get up an hour early to drop Taehyung off at daycare because you literally lived two floors down, and Taehyung like you for reasons Yoongi is choosing to ignore at this point because that would just twist things up more than they already are.

“Great! I guess I’ll see you Monday then!” You chirp, waving and heading back to the apartment.

 …

 Taehyung and Jimin get along better than two peas in a pod. Any outsider would assume they had been friends for years or were brothers from another mother. They are in fact the exact same age, give or take a month or two, and they surprisingly shared more interests than Yoongi could’ve predicted.

“How was your day?” You ask as Yoongi enters your apartment to pick up his son.  

“Nothing too special.” Yoongi has a minor flashback of Jungkook stuffing a pair of chopsticks up his nose and trying to sing. It was not pretty, but it made him laugh, which is quite a difficult feat so he let it slide.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where do you work?”

“BigHit Entertainment.”

“Whoa, you produce music for Beyond the Scene?” Your eyes widen. “Their music is always topping the charts!”

“I just started, so no, none of my songs have been chart toppers quite yet.”

“But still, you have to be good if they hired you.”

“I guess” He shrugs. 

“I’m a huge fan of them.” You admit, face flushing a little. “I’ve been following them since debut.”

“They do have a lot of fans.” Yoongi comments. He looks around the room, rubbing his hands together and trying to figure out a way to thank you for taking care of Taehyung all day and leaving without it seeming like he was taking advantage of your services and didn’t give a fuck about camaraderie.

“So…uh-”

Yoongi isn’t allowed to finish his attempt at more small talk before Taehyung interrupts him. “Mommy, will Jimin come back tomorrow?” Taehyung’s little head momentarily turns away from the toys splayed out on the floor and looks at you and Yoongi sitting on the couch in the living room.

You’re surprised by the four year old’s choice of words because Taehying hadn’t called you by any name other than your own all day. You’re immediate reaction is of shock, but endearment soon replaces that initial astonishment as he beams at you like a blooming flower.

Yoongi grits his teeth, body stiffening at the sound of his son voicing those syllables to a woman that is not Kim Chaewon. He feels irritated, balling his hands into fists as he tries not to drown in this pool of opposing collisions that is making his head spin. She left. But she’s his real mom. She left. But I love her.  

“You’re disgusting” He spits out, getting up from the couch.

“W-what?” You utter, shaking your head and trying to digest the situation.

“I trusted you and you brainwashed him. I knew you were a monster.” Yoongi walks over in a fit of rage and grabs Taehyung’s arm forcefully, dragging the kid out of your apartment before you’re brain could even register what was going on.

Yoongi doesn’t think twice about clearing things up. There’s nothing to clear up, it was obvious you had eyes for Taehyung, and you were this creepy woman taking advantage of a little boy who’s mother you resembled so uncannily.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?” Taehyung asks the moment Yoongi slams the door.

“Tae, that lady is not your mother.”

“I know,” He answers matter-of-factly. “But she’s nice and she takes care of me, and I really like her.” His bottom lip quivers as he looks at Yoongi with puppy-eyes, wondering why his father was so angry.

It’s not surprising that Taehyung doesn’t remember his real mother. Yoongi doesn't even know if the boy is even aware of what a mother is, what a mother should do, or even what a mother even represents because he’s never been brave enough to address the events that happened when his son was barely old enough to talk. He was convinced that it would go unnoticed; that Taehyung wouldn’t think his small family of two was strange or different from the societal norm. How fucking stupid for him to think that. Like the boy wouldn’t grow up to notice everyone else had two parents when he was only left with one, or he wouldn’t wonder why other children would call one of their parents “mommy” and the other one “daddy”. Or why Yoongi couldn’t look him in the eyes and tell him how he came into this world. 

He’s a fool to think everything would just magically go away, and he would never have to face his problems head on. 

…

 Past

“You supported my dreams back then! What? Have you changed your mind because I’m not as successful as you had hoped???” Yoongi accuses, trying to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t wake up the baby sleeping in the next room. He was angry with himself more than anything, but Chaewon’s words had hit his most vulnerable spots for weeks now and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“That’s when I thought you were actually going to do something with your life!”

“I am” Yoongi cries, desperately trying to stop this from turning into another full blown argument.

But Chaewon’s harsh words don’t impede. “My parents kicked me out of the house, and now you can’t even keep a roof over my head! How do you expect me to live the rest of my life like this?!”

“Chaewon” Yoongi begs, gripping onto her arm as if she was his lifeline. “I’m trying, I really am… please…” Yoongi is about to get down on his knees because he can’t let her throw him away like a piece of trash. She was the only person he had, and the past few months have been hell with him being stuck in the longest artistic slump he’s ever hit and Chaewon attempting to get any part-time job she can while still taking care of the baby after her long shifts. Yoongi knows it’s all his fault, and he knows Kim Chaewon deserves a better life, and that he has no one to blame but himself for dragging the love of his life down into this misfortunate hellhole with him because he was selfish and didn’t want to let her go.

“I was an idiot to believe an loser like you.” 

And then she’s gone, leaving Yoongi in a place darker than hell.

 …

 Present

Yoongi doesn’t know why he’s standing outside your door, hesitating to knock and mulling over whether or not he should just run back to the elevator and pretend you never existed and hope that Taehyung forgets about you too, but his conscience is eating him alive, and his son obviously won’t let it go.

“Why can’t I go over to Y/N’s house?”

“Why can’t I play with Jimin anymore?”

“Why are you sad?”

It took him two days to weigh out his options, finally deciding that apologizing to you was easier than having to make up stupid answers for that endless string of questions that keep pouring out of Taehyung’s mouth like a faucet he can’t turn off and then constantly justifying them to not only the toddler but also to himself.

Yoongi takes a deep breath, pinches his nose bridge and lifts a finger to ring the doorbell.

“Y-Yoongi?”

“Y/N, uh, hi, ummm, so about those things I said the other day...” Yoongi takes another deep breath as you stare at him, waiting for him to finish. “I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

“It’s ok” You gently reply. “I’d react the same way if my kid did that.”

Yoongi finally has the guts to lift his eyes to trace over your calm features, and he feels like he’s foreign territory because for the first time he sees you for you and not someone else. “Do you mind if I come in?” What the hell was he saying? It’s like someone else was controlling his mouth.

“Of course.” You open the door wider, moving out of the way so the weary looking male can enter.

“She left us.” Yoongi says as you offer him a cup of freshly brewed tea. He doesn’t know why he’s being so open to you. He’s barely ever even been honest to himself, but he’s starting to convince himself that he’s willing to try sorting out a past he can’t hide from any longer because sooner or later, it’s bound to come back with a vengeance. “It was my fault for not providing her the life she deserved.”

“Min Taehyung’s mother?”

“Kim” Yoongi swallows. “Kim Taehyung.”

And maybe it’s also because you mysteriously make his exhausted heart feel like it had found light once again, beating with a kind of fervor that he was convinced had left forever.

“I can tell you loved her very much.” You whisper.

“With all my heart.”

“I’m sorry.” The words sound generic, and you honestly don’t know what else to say. You didn’t have all the details and you barely knew the man, but the shadow covering his eyes is something you desperately want to help him get rid of, and even if you can’t, you at least want to try.

 …

 When Yoongi’s first song for Beyond the Scene is finished and their album is finally released, BigHit decides to hold a showcase to promote their new concept, which also happens to be their transition into the next era.

“You got me tickets!?” You exclaim, eyes glittering at the yellow slip pinched between Yoongi’s fingers.

“You said you were a fan.” He shrugs.

You wrap your arms around him before your rational mind can weigh out the effects of such an action. You were clearly too excited to thank him in any other way, and you didn’t think he was the kind to oppose physical contact, that is, until you feel his body tense under your embrace. He doesn’t reciprocate the action and you suspect you’ve taken it too far too soon.

You slowly start unravel your arms. “S-sorry” But before you can take a step back; Yoongi grabs your arm and pulls you back into a tight hug.

“Why?” He smiles, patting you on the back and making you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

He even starts inviting you over for dinner on nights he was motivated enough to cook a special meal for Taehyung, claiming to “not want to have to deal with too many leftovers”. But you kind of knew he purposefully prepared a meal for three, because he always made three of everything, no more, no less.

“So who’s your favorite member?” He asks, picking up a piece of beef and putting it into Taehyung’s steaming rice bowl.

“Of Beyond the Scene?” Hm...” You ponder over the difficult answer. “I know there are only four of them, but this is the hardest question I’ve ever been asked.”

Yoongi chuckles. “They're not even similar. Why is it so hard?”

“Well, they’re all super talented and good looking!” You defend. “And each of them adds something new to the table.”

“True” He nods. “But if you knew what they were really like…”

“I know they’re complete dorks.” You roll your eyes.

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the million videos they’ve put up online of them doing nothing but messing around. Sometimes I question why they have so many fans.”

“It’s partially because of their music, and the fact that they’re so real.” You explain. “But back to your question, I think my bias has to be Hoseok. He’s literally a ball of sunshine. Or maybe Namjoon because he’s so smart.”

“Hoseok and Namjoon?” Yoongi cocks a brow. “I would’ve taken you to be more of a Seokjin fan.”

“Why’s that?” 

“His face is attractive?” Yoongi makes an I-don’t-know gesture.

You shake your head. “Who’s your favorite then?”

“Jungkook” Yoongi replies. “I didn’t like him at first, but I’ve grown used to his playful antics.”

“That youngest? You clearly have a soft spot for the young ones.” You laugh, peering over at Taehyung who had no idea what you guys were talking about.

 …

 On the day of the showcase, you’re more anxious than you’ve ever been. Out of all the years you been a fan, you never imagined you would one day come across the opportunity to see your favorite idols live. It was the most amazing feeling ever, and it was all thanks to Min Yoongi.

The songs they performed were amazing, and although it was different from their usual sound, you could somehow tell Yoongi was the mastermind behind all of the pieces. There was just something about the emotions conveyed by the beat and lyrics that spoke to you on a deeper level than any of their previous songs. Maybe it was because you had caught a glimpse of the man behind the music on a personal level beforehand or maybe he was just a skilled enough artist to create such beautiful tunes.

“Daddy, I need to pee” Taehyung whines as the third song ends and the members had stopped to introduce themselves one by one.

“Ok, we’ll find you a bathroom.” Yoongi responds. He turns to you. “I’ll be right back. 

You nod, eyes still fixed on the four idols on stage.

The quiet that hits Yoongi is a striking contrast to the raucous arena, as the large doors slam shut. He’s casually looking around to find a bathroom when his gaze lands on someone that makes his heart skip several beats. This can’t be real.

And Yoongi thinks it might be his imagination because there’s no way Kim Chaewon was standing ten feet in front of him just as he exits the auditorium with Taehyung following closely behind. His body freezes up, and his throat is constricting to the point where he can’t tell if he’s still breathing.

“Yoongi”

The voice is just as familiar as it sounded two years ago.

“Chaewon?”

“Congratulations on all of this” She gestures at the crowd of screaming fangirls and flashing stage lights across the heavy metal doors.  

“H-How did you…? W-Why…?” He can’t even form a coherent question because his brain had stopped functioning normally.

“I can recognize your music from anywhere.” She says, flashing Yoongi a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

Yoongi can feel Taehyung’s grip on the hem of his pant leg as he hides behind his father, looking at the women curiously. “I don’t doubt that, but…”

“Is that…?” She ignores his state of shock and bends over to wave at Taehyung. “Tae!” She beams.  

“H-Hi” The little boy responds shyly, clearly not recognizing the women the way she expected him to.

“He’s grown up so well” She sighs, straightening up once again. “If you’re not busy, would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me? So we can, I don’t know, chat?”

Yoongi hesitates. He wants to reject her offer because he knows you’re still waiting for him in the crowd, but he can’t get himself to say no, not when he clearly still has feelings for the woman who left him years ago and is now suddenly back within reach.

 …

 “She came back.” Yoongi says. “I’m sorry I left without telling you.”

“Oh, Chaewon, right?” You swallow, trying not to make things awkward between the two of you. “It’s totally fine. She must’ve been really happy to see you and Tae.”

Yoongi nods, eyes still trained at the ground. He was standing outside your doorway late at night, wanting to make sure you got home safely after he had left the showcase so unexpectedly.

“Hey, no hard feelings.” You console him, despite your own voice cracking ever so slightly. You had waited for him for hours after the showcase, but he didn’t need to know that.

“You didn’t wait for me for too long did you?”

4 hours.

“No, of course not.” You pretend to make it sound absurd, shaking your head and waving it off like it was no big deal. “I figured something must have come up.”

Yoongi nods.

“So umm, good-night?” You speak after a long drawn out silence.

“Yeah. Good-night.”

 …

 Yoongi can’t fall asleep that night, and it’s not because he’s thinking about Kim Chaewon coming back into his life and throwing him in complicated shit again, surprisingly, he’s more concerned about you and what you are to him, because he already knows what Chaewon is, more or less. But you on the other hand, you were still shrouded in a misty veil, one created by life’s endless intersections and obstacles. And the universe wasn’t going to give him a break anytime soon, but maybe that’s exactly what he needed to find the right path.

His thoughts flash back to what Chaewon had said to him at the coffee shop.

“We do stupid things when we’re young, but that doesn’t mean what we had wasn’t love.” 

Yoongi stares off into the distance, not knowing why her words were not affecting him the way he expected them to.

“Keyword, had”

“Yoongi, I made a mistake. I still have feelings for you, and I know you do too because otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now.”

He nods slowly, absorbing the honeyed words that were seeping out of the woman’s mouth, and making him really consider the exact thing she was saying.

It was nothing short of the truth, he loved Kim Chaewon and undoubtedly still does. But he has always loved her because he thought she loved him for him, plain and unadorned, when in reality, she was always more in love with his music than anything. And don’t get him wrong, he knows that anyone who has the capacity to love and appreciate his music has to have that special connection with his innermost self, but that holds true for any fan and the musician they look up to. And it took the event of her coming back after he had finally found success to make him realize she was only a crossroad and not the moon itself. Because what happens when Yoongi stops composing one day, what will transpire when he’s too old to produce songs and create the art that she loved him for, will she leave again?

 Yoongi’s not about to find out.

 …

 You don’t see Yoongi for a couple of days, and you knew exactly why. It didn’t make you feel any better knowing the reason, but there was that annoying nagging feeling tugging at your heart that you’ve convinced yourself isn’t categorized as jealously, disappointment, or longing. Stop being absurd.

Yoongi is not yours, he never was and never will be. Was it really that hard to accept the fact that he couldn’t fall in love with you when he was still in love with another woman? Yes. No. Does it make it any more justifiable that he maybe would’ve given you a chance had that woman no returned? Yes. No.

“Wake up, Y/N.” You mutter to yourself as you take the elevator down to grab a package that had arrived.

“Looks like I beat you to the chase.” The familiar voice startles you, almost causing you to drop the house keys your were twirling in your fingers.

“Oh, Yoongi” You gasp, clutching your chest like he almost gave you a heart attack.

“I was just about to look for you.” He bites his lower lip, preparing to say something he’s been running through in his head for the past few days.

“Is something wrong?”

“Life is full of crossroads...” Yoongi swallows, wanting to make this whole speech poetic, but he’s too nervous to function for reasons he’s fully aware of but does not have control over. He hasn’t confessed to anyone in a long time, and even then, he’s only every done it once in his life, to that other woman he’s slowly started to place in another section of his heart to make room center stage for you. “Ah, fuck it.” He mutters. “I’ve made mistakes in the past because I used to be the kind of person to be consumed by people the same way I’m consumed by my passions. I tend to place people on the wrong pedestal, and I have a hard time letting go of first loves. But if you are willing, I want to try for us, because I think I’ve finally found the moon after passing many crossroads.”

There’s a long pause because your mind is blank and your heart is racing. You continue to stare at the man standing awkwardly in front of you, gripping onto the box that had just been delivered as if he was the mail carrier, and you don’t think anything can be more endearing than this.

“But umm, if you’re not down, it’s totally ok too. I know this is strange and sudden, and I’m totally just freaking you out right now because. Aw, fuck.” Yoongi’s eyes squeeze close and he tilts his head up. 

Scratch that. Said man all choked up as he’s trying to confess despite his debilitating nerves is something even more endearing.

“I’m totally down.” You respond, trying to hold in a laugh as you take the box away from him. “So I’m your moon? Is this going to be Beyond the Scene’s next album concept? Or did you just run out of real ideas.” You playfully nudge him in the arm.

Yoongi smiles, gummy and jubilant, and the universe shimmering within his eyes at that moment is, without a doubt, even more breathtaking than his music.

...

[brokengem]

Any Harry/Ben headcanons??😊

Anony! I am so sorry this is super late. I thought I replied to this. I normally answer headcanons much quickier.

Ben makes sure to invite Harry to join R.O.A.R, knowing the pirate would feel more at home being able to use a sword, even if it’s for sport rather than for fighting.

Harry is all for it. He gets to one up all the Auradon brats who think they know all there is about sword-fighting.

He’s disappointed when he realizes Ben is no longer apart of the R.O.A.R team and the only real challenges the team offers during practice are Jay, Lonnie and Chad. And while he loves to prove himself better, it’s still a disappointment.

So Harry makes a request of Ben, a rematch of sorts. Harry vs Ben, just like that short moment on The Lost Revenge when they held Ben captive.

Ben wasn’t sure at first. He’s forgiven Uma, Harry and Gil for their actions, but the memory is not a happy one. Harry tosses in a charming grin the next time he asks and Ben finds himself giving in.

Ben arrives one day after R.O.A.R practice. He finally has free time and it’s the perfect time to accept Harry’s challenge. Their friends stay behind and watch.

It’s pretty intense to watch. Ben and Harry have both been trained since birth in the ways of the sword. Ben in more elegant way. Harry has his tricks and he isn’t afraid to use them.

Their dance continues. Blades clashing. Bodies twirling. Harry taunting and flirting with the young King. The match ends when Harry clashes with Ben one last time, pressing their swords close to Ben’s body. Ben fully intends to use his strength to push Harry away but the pirate has other things in mind.

Harry takes advantage of the closeness and presses a kiss to Ben’s lips. The shock of the action is enough to allow to Harry to disarm him and claim victory.

Ben’s a nice shade of red, a hand covering his mouth as he tries to tame the blush that’s apparently taken over his face. The wolf whistles from the peanut gallery is not helping.

Saucy grin on his face, Harry returns the sword. He teases Ben and officially asks the kingling out. Still red-faced Ben accepts. He ducks just as Harry attempts to steal another kiss.

[studypride]

In my Spanish class, participation is worth like 15%-20% of my grade. I get so nervous about speaking in that class bc my Spanish isn’t anywhere near perfect and there’s all these native speakers in my class and I’m afraid that they’ll judge me... and it doesn’t help that my teacher intimidates me :( my grade is dropping bc of my participation grade and yet I can’t find the courage to do anything about it. Pls help and ty

Hi, anony! Sorry for getting to this so late!I’m going to address your ask in order...

“My Spanish isn’t anywhere near perfect.”Ah, my friend, this is why you’re still taking Spanish! The reason you’re in that class is because you’re still improving, and that’s okay. So don’t be afraid to speak for this reason! Honestly, with a language, the only way to get better is through practicing. It’s tough, it’s annoying, it’s a lot of work, but it’s the truth. You can do it!

“There’s all these native speakers in my class and I’m afraid that they’ll judge me.”Honestly, you’d be surprised at what native speakers do and don’t know. Even though I have a strong background in Spanish, I still had to work really hard for my grades, and struggled with grammar and tenses and such. That’s my first point. My second point is that it’s really unlikely that they’re judging you! And if they are, well. screw them. You need to focus on your own improvement and your own progress, and if that means asking a basic question about vocabulary, so be it. They really shouldn’t judge you because learning a language is really hard work, but if they do, just keep in mind that you’re participating and asking questions for your own betterment. It’ll be worth it.I know this one is much easier said than done, but at least try to keep this in mind during class c:

“My teacher intimidates me.”Ah, yes, I totally understand you on this one. My high school Spanish teacher was this super intimidating Cuban woman who graded harshly and expected nothing less than perfection. There’s no way to get around this, really - as it turns out, my Spanish teacher was actually super sweet, she was just really scary at first. I’m sure there is a similar situation for you! Keep in mind that your teacher wants to help you improve. A few other things to keep in mind are that you should be polite and respectful in class (though this should be true with all of your teachers), to give the best impression. Perhaps even consider finding her outside of class and ask her questions if you need to - I’m sure she will recognize this level of extra effort, and it’ll pay off! ^^

--To be completely honest, you need to participate. If you’re performing well in every other aspect of the class and are still unhappy with your grade, and if you recognize that is because you’re lacking participation, then that’s what you need to do. Start small! Answer the straight forward questions, then slowly transition into the bigger, more complex ones. Nobody is expecting you to start talking all the time right away - it’s something that comes gradually, and that you have to get more comfortable with, and that’s okay.

Good luck, Anony! I hope this was helpful c:--Aisa

[spring-lion]

Hey Mae! How are you going? I miss you lots TT have an amazing week!! -your lovely anonie

Hello, my lovely anonie! :D

It’s always a delight to have you visiting me again, my dear! It never fails to truly put a smile on my face! ^.^

I’m really sorry that I’ve been so bad at keeping up with this blog! I’ve been having a hard time finding time to write recently and I should really stop putting it off ahh and there’s also school that just started up this week so I’m super busy yet again. +___+I don’t want to make promises that I can’t keep so I guess I’ll get to it whenever I get to it >.

Don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about your university question! It’s just I’m a little nervous to answer it bc I want it to be good and I want it to be a thoughtful answer for you!! I’ve just been feeling off lately that’s all I guess. :/

Ahh! But one really good thing that happened recently was that I went to Bangtan’s Wings Tour Concert in Anaheim last Saturday! I still can’t stop thinking about it ahh~

I miss you, too, so much! And I hope you have an amazing week, too, my lovely anonie!!

[soukokuwu]

angsty angst with atsushi discovering his s/o’s dead body 🥴

NO GOODBYES.      genre; pairing; word count. angst; atsushi x pm!reader; 1,750 words      warnings. death, mentions of abuse, gaslighting, toxic relationship      synopsis. the one thing you did right, and it came a little too late.      author notes. hi there (sorry for the super long wait too), but i combined it with this as requested by another(?) anony, i hope you like this! let me know what y’all think <3

What you tolerate, you encourage.

What you permit, you promote.

Perhaps if he hadn’t been so caught up in who you used to be, then he wouldn’t be in this predicament right now. Perhaps if he hadn’t been in love with the idea of who you could be, then he would have had the strength to let you go. But love makes people stupid sometimes.

And Atsushi is no exception.

No matter how many times Kunikida or the others tried to interfere, to warn him that you were no good, Atsushi wouldn’t listen. Why? Because he’s inherently kind, and sometimes to a fault. This time, it would be considered a fault. The weretiger is so blinded by you that he believes everything you do is out of love; because you can’t bear losing him. He uses love to justify your actions.

But nobody questioned this: Atsushi doesn’t understand what love is.

At least, not fully, and not yet. Especially when he acts as stubborn as a mule when it comes to you. Whatever heinous thing you did to him, he makes an excuse for it, hides it from everyone he works with every single day. And the worst part is, everyone in the agency can tell why.

A young boy, growing up in an orphanage with an abusive headmaster and nearly killed what, how many times? Once? Twice? A young boy, who grew up scared yet with a heart of gold. Starving, but wouldn’t steal. Lost, yet wouldn’t ask for help. He has never known proper care, proper love. So how could he be so sure you really loved him as he claimed you did?

The ones who could think more objectively — Dazai, Ranpo — they knew. Kunikida still let his personal feelings get in the way, he and the others didn’t give you the time of day. But back to the other two, they knew the answer. Why does Atsushi make up so many excuses for you time and time again? Why does he firmly believe that your feelings for him are true?

Because once upon a time, you really did love him.

In the beginning, before things took a wrong turn. Before his passiveness led to you taking advantage of him. Who was at fault? Maybe if he wasn’t so meek you wouldn’t have had that much control over him. But then again, you could’ve been a good person with a decent moral compass and not sucked him dry. Although, no one is surprised you behaved that way.

You are a member of the Port Mafia after all.

Atsushi remembers every single horrible thing you did. He’s blinded by love to stay with you, yes. But he isn’t totally lacking in common sense. He knows the things you do are wrong. He just hopes that each time you do it, there is a good enough reason behind your motivations. Besides, they always say it’s the thought that counts, right? And he thinks no differently.

One can only learn so much apart from experience.

He thinks back to everything now, while he slugs forward, slowly walking back to the dorms. He thinks about everything his coworkers have confronted him with. Atsushi doesn’t know what he plans on doing with the information, but with everyone pressuring him to at least reconsider the relationship, maybe he should think on it.

The first thing they told him: he is way too lenient with you. More often than not, they pointed out your jealousy to be irrational and unfounded. You’ve been with the Port Mafia longer than Atsushi’s been with the ADA, so you know of the existence of Yosano and Naomi, and now you’re aware that Kyouka’s part of them too. And somehow, without rhyme or reason, you always accuse Atsushi of having the hots for one of them. On occasion it’s Yosano, sometimes Naomi, but mostly Kyouka, which the weretiger is frankly very appalled by. Taking the age difference and her age itself, she has always been more of a sister to him, of course he’d take care of her.

But you didn’t buy that. You always manage to hang it over his head, always needs him to assure you countless times over and over again that he loves you and only you. Even then you doubted his words.

His colleagues’ take on this? It’ll never end. It’s an endless cycle. Because he let it go on for far too long. And now it’s too hard to pry that habit away from you.

Two. Ranpo was kind enough to put his two cents in the situation when bribed with snacks. He knows how abusive you are — you’re just lucky that Atsushi has the healing powers of the tiger, lucky that no bruises every stay on his skin for all to see. But Ranpo knows, and Dazai, because it’s just like that. They just do. And nobody else in the office doubts their word. Atsushi doesn’t fight back against you, because he knows he’s that much stronger than you. He’s afraid he’ll hurt you if he even grips your hands.

And it’s exactly because he doesn’t resist that he ends up getting hurt instead. Most of the times he just blames himself though — why did he have to go and do that? He knows that will make you mad, why did he still do it? He’s the utter failure here. He should be punished. And there you have it, he takes whatever you throw at him (pots, pans, coat rack, everything, basically); gets blue and black, sometimes gashes and cuts that all heal almost instantly anyway. Funny thing is, he hates it, because he thinks it’s some sort of cheat code, that he isn’t properly punished.

“How can anything like that be healthy?” Tanizaki’s words ring in his head.

Three. When asked why he’s even with you in the first place — he hesitates. Why is it that “I love her” doesn’t come to his mind straight away? Everyone knows he’s in denial and always has been. They all know that he’s hoping for the old you to come back. The one he blames himself for coaxing out of you in the first place when in reality it isn’t on him in the slightest.

That was the last straw — that was what made him storm out of the office. Because he knows that no reason he gives now will satisfy them enough to get them off his back. And perhaps… it is for good reason. Because honest to god? He’s tired. Tired of feeling wronged every time you accuse him of having an affair when he barely bats an eye in any of their direction (not since the last time you threatened to hurt them if he even dared to talk to them). Tired of being beaten up for something he never did, when it should be your colleagues who should be taking the heat of your anger. They were the ones who made you mad, not him. And he’s tired of constantly having to dread going to work because he has to make up a thousand more excuses for you, to defend you when he knows very well you wouldn’t do the same courtesy to him.

The ring of his cellphone makes him sigh. That’s probably you again, checking up on him to make sure he’s not up to no good.

Atsushi breathes in, throwing his head back, eyes closed as the faint light of the setting sun hits his face. His fingers fumble in his pocket for his phone, and he answers it. Another deep breath.

“Look, I don’t think—”

“Weretiger?”

His eyes snap open and he checks the caller ID. Unknown. He hears a familiar voice on the other end, it’s the one who’s always with that devil incarnate, the one they called the rabid dog. What’s her name?

“It’s Higuchi.”

Oh, right.

What do they want with him now? To surrender himself, maybe? But like hell you’d let that happen.

But what the blonde says next makes the whole world around him cease to exist. Every complicated feeling, any positivity, they’re all gone and he feels like he’s in a void. Black; everything is black. His fingers are twitching, palms shaking as Higuchi finishes what she says, but she doesn’t hang up without telling him one more important thing:

“It’s all your fault!”

Not an hour later and he’s kneeling down next to your bullet-riddled body, fingers ghosting over your now blue, chapped lips. The blood pooled on the concrete stains his pants, but he doesn’t care. Because despite wanting to break up with you, he didn’t want you to die.

And especially not for him.

You did a lot of wrong in the relationship. Abusing, gaslighting, and many more. The other detectives always put it upon themselves to show Atsushi who you really are, and how unhealthy every aspect of your relationship is. They always argued about which facet of your relationship is the worst. But now, they all know they’ve come to the same conclusion. No discussion needed.

It’s in how the black circles under his eyes have grown darker. It’s in how he’s so dejected, so forlorn every single day — at least before he could still deceive himself that you were there at the end of the day to possibly make him feel better. It’s in how he’s tried too hard before, and now not trying at all.

The conclusion? The worst thing you’ve done to him? Ironically, laughably, is to have loved him right just before you ceased to see the light. Sacrificing yourself just because you didn’t want to give his location away to the enemy, even if you knew Atsushi had a high chance of surviving? Honestly, the only thing you did that everyone else agreed was done out of actual love.

But you left behind a weretiger that now blames himself for your death. Whenever anyone asked he’d say that he killed you.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Atsushi used to be able to see beauty in the world; he practices it by striving to always see the good in you, in what you could be. Even if it is partial deception on his own end. But now… now he barely sees any good in any thing. Self-pity is a dangerous thing.

And somehow, by loving him right in the last moments of your life, you’ve sentenced him to an eternity of being a prisoner to his misery.

tags. @yokelish @gogolparadise @fyowyn-writes @animatedarchives

[spring-lion]

sorry i'm so late :( depression, sorry. anyway, how are you?? c: i miss u a lot ;; and answering your question, idk about my style?? i have a lot of black clothes and ???? how are these called in english sos,,, like,,, socks?? but they go all up the waist?? like fishnets but different patterns and things??? how to languages omg //anyway my question for you!! which one do you like more, sunny days or rainy days? day or night? cool seasons or warm seasons?i love u so much mae!! -your lovely anonie

Hello, my lovely anonie!

Don’t worry about replying late! Hey, I’m replying late as well bc of my studies and such @__@And remember that whenever your depression spikes up again you should always take as much time as you need to rest and get the support that you need okay! :)

I miss you a lot, too! :(

And yea those fishnet things could be called stockings I think?? That’s really cool! I think I was into those when I was younger, too, and I’ll probably look into getting into those again haha xD

As for the answer to your question: I like rainy days, night, and cool seasons, hehe. I guess you could say I’m quite fond of the dark and gloomy aesthetic. This could also be because since I live in California, where it’s almost always sunny, I always get so happy whenever it isn’t haha xD

My question for you is: Are you a fan of superhero movies like Marvel and DC characters? If so, do you know of any superheroes that are outside of these worlds? Marvel and DC is a really American thing lol so I won’t expect you to be super familiar with them but I’m curious. I also want to know what kind of superheroes you have in Spain? In the Philippines we have this superhero called Darna, and she’s kind of like Wonder Woman from the DC comics. She’s very treasured over there, and I grew up watching some remakes of shows/movies about her. I’m curious what superheroes there are around the world.

I hope you have a wonderful day, my lovely anonie!

[spring-lion]

Yay, Ravenclaw pals!! Don't worry about answering late, look at me :_ I'm sorry I haven't answered before, I was emotionally drowned and super tired because depression is a pain in the ass xD But I'm back again!! My forever favourite creature will be the fairies :_ I have always loved them and I always thought they existed when I was little, I even went to the countryside to look for them omg. My question for you today is!! Are you a dog person or a cat person? And do you watch anime? +

+ Remember to take care and that I love you a lot!! ♡ -your lovely anonie

Hello, my lovely anonie! ^.^

I totally understand . . . depression is absolutely horrible :/But I’m glad that you were able to rest, and I hope that you got the support that you needed! Remember to always practice self-care! :)

Oh my gosh I love fairies too!!!! I loved Tinkerbell and the Winx Club as I was growing up!! That is a really good answer! I actually forgot how much I love them lol THEY’RE SO GREAT!

I like both cats and dogs, but I personally had more experience interacting with dogs bc I have relatives and friends who have them! I’m not really good with furry animals bc I’m slightly allergic though :( . . . like I get watery eyes, sneezing, and hives sometimes . . . it’s not too bad but it’s still not pleasant ;_____;But I still like them! :)

AND YES OF COURSE I WATCH ANIME!!!!!I’ve been watching anime since I was in middle school, so like from when I was twelve years old? I don’t watch as much right now because I am so busy with so many things these days @___@But I always love anime recommendations! Both film and shows, in fact!One of these days I’ll try to go back to watching them again!

Actually, those will be my questions for you, haha.What is your favorite anime, and which ones would you recommend for me to see? Why?

I hope you rest well and that you have a wonderful day, my lovely anonie! :D