#sorry this is so long lol i am simultaneously so bad at expressing things and so so passionate about talking about things

[webcomic-character-tournament]

Genuine question. Why are comics from online only publishers discouraged? What is the goal behind discouraging paid webcomics?

sorry for taking so long to answer this!

i got really excited about answering this but also am not very good at communicating things clearly, i often get lost in the details in my passion about stuff like this, so i hope this is still interesting to read and intelligible lol!

i dont think there is any one thing that inherently defines what is and isn't a webcomic, it's an amorphous category that i enjoy the ambiguity of. but for me, what first led to my wonder for them as an 11 year old, and what has been a major factor in my passion for them even as an adult, was their low barrier to entry in both making them and accessing them. if you have internet access and time, almost anyone can make a webcomic if they want to! of course, without editors (or often even full story plans) or sensitivity readers or more people on a team to collaborate and contribute to the comic's vision, and the huge effort that it takes to do all the tasks of writing, inks, coloring, lettering, etc. all on ones own often without professional resources to facilitate that, that means that a lot of webcomics are really rough in some way or another. but a lot of people have interesting ideas they want to work with, but don't have the technical skill, desire or ability to market themselves or be beholden to external work deadlines, or connections in some way or another to be able to share those ideas through traditional publishing. regardless of skill or ability, a lot of marginalized people are barred from having their stories accepted by publishers due to bigotry and expectations about what kind of story is profitable.

as a disabled lgbt kid, i definitely read a lot of really bad webcomics i wish i hadn't, but also some of the media i was exposed to that most represented me back then was in the form of webcomics from people a lot like me. and i could read so much of it easily and for free without having to risk much to access it behind my parents' backs!

obviously that isn't the case for every webcomic, but for me and my history with them, them being easily accessible to both publish and read has been really important.

there are absolutely a lot of good points to be made about how publishing free to read webcomics isn't always the most accessible thing for a lot of people, especially for poor and disabled people. making webcomics takes a huge amount of time and effort, and sometimes even if people are passionate about making a comic, they just can't afford to find the time for that around all the other responsibilities of their day to day lives unless it can be a consistent income source. thats why even if paid online comics arent my platonic ideal of webcomics, i absolutely would never exclude them. i want small creators making stories i want to read to get the money they need to survive and keep telling stories without burning out!

it could be argued that online publishers who specifically focus on webcomics don't always present the same barriers to entry as traditional publishers, and many don't restrict the scope of marginalized creators' stories at all or to the same extent as people have struggled in other more mainstream avenues. and from my outside understanding of publishers like hiveworks, i'd absolutely agree with that! i love a lot of hiveworks comics and think its an awesome thing! (of course literally my icon is from a hiveworks comic, tiger tiger!) nonetheless however, part of my goals with this tournament is to highlight lesser known comics, and as publishers like hiveworks help advertise and promote their comics, even if i still want everyone to read all my favorite comics published by them, and certainly there are limits to those advertising resources, they still don't need as much help as other comics without that support. so its not as much 'try not to submit these' and more 'as you submit stuff like this, try to submit stuff with less advertising resources and popularity too!'

going into this tournament i also had a similar sentiment for stuff like webtoons originals. there was an added element to me in how i feel like i know a lot of people nowadays who read webtoons but don't have much awareness of other forms of webcomic, but even if in my love for webcomics i want people to come to appreciate all the breadth of ways they can exist in, thats obviously not something to make a huge priority. it's incredible the amount of forms comics can take (sidenote but reading scott mccloud's "understanding comics" a couple years ago was really formative for me in cementing how much i appreciate that, i'd highly recommend it!!!), and the way infinite scroll comics like webtoon style comics more fully make use of their digital medium, using time scrolling to pace things in place of traditional gutters and panelling, is really really cool. of course they're becoming more popular in a world where more people have smartphones, where webtoon style comics are a lot easier to read than many other forms. i love a lot of webtoons, and id feel regressive to discourage stuff like line webtoon original comics any more than stuff like hiveworks comics, just to go against current trends in what comics people seem to prefer. they have a similar low barrier to entry (through contests) as other online publishers, and it's cool to see creators get the opportunity to get paid for their work and get help from professional editors and stuff

but in the past couple weeks of running this tournament, i ended up reading a lot more about the behind the scenes of what its like to be a line webtoon original creator. line webtoon's expectations for their creators are incredibly unrealistic and exploitative, with grueling deadlines leading to a lot of creators to get repetitive strain injuries, all while working for well below industry standards. obviously a lot of webcomic creators make an inconsistent poverty level income out of it as independent creators, and that shouldn't happen either, but it's absolutely inexcusable for a company to profit off this labor and then manufacture these same conditions. without any organized labor movement surrounding that issue, that of course isn't an argument against reading or promoting these comics on its own, creators are more likely to get more income if their comics get more popular, and despite the promise of popularity by becoming an official comic, they absolutely still aren't all promoted equally. what has made me want to slightly more discourage (but still absolutely not disallow!) stuff like line webtoon official comics has been the combination of that along with learning that much of the editing of webtoons originals carries less of the benefits of having experienced creatives collaborating with creators to elevate their stories to new levels, and very often instead ends up taking the form of 'simplify this plotline and make this character look more attractive and fit this archetype more fully so we can market this better and have readers easily consume each update while they're scrolling their phone without having to think about it too much'. while obviously there are a lot of amazing webtoon official comics in spite of what i've heard anectdotally, hearing that just really went against so much of what i've most valued about my experience with webcomics!

i want creators to be able to tell stories no matter how weird and unmarketable, where they'll never have to worry about pushback for making stories with characters and themes that resonate for them as a member of any oppressed group, and where there's as little pressure as possible pushing them to work harder or faster than they healthily can or want to! so for me, even if i still love a lot of online published comics and want them to be celebrated and want their creators to be able to make a comfortable living out of them, i still just want to highlight stories that had that level of freedom that has created some of my favorite experiences with webcomics just a little bit more.

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

[makeste]

I like Bakuguo but his attitude is starting to really piss me off. He's talking about Daku as if he's just ~crazy~ and as if he isn't partly to blame for Deku's toxic self-worth issues. It's infuriating to watch. If Bakuguo doesn’t admit out loud and in front of his friends that his bullying of Deku played a part in Deku's current destructive state and if he doesn’t verbally apologize and reaffirm Deku's worth then I can no longer like Bakuguo's character or Hori's writing.

tbh I don't really know why this is the discourse of choice for people all of a sudden, but this is already the second ask I've gotten about it, so I might as well address it lol.

I think fandom is conflating fanon!Deku and canon!Deku here again. fanon Deku is of course much more sensitive and woobified and has much shakier self-esteem. fanon Deku is the one that turns evil in so many AUs because of Kacchan's bullying. fanon Deku is the one that actually jumps off the roof in so many fics, as opposed to fishing his notebook back out of the pond a few minutes later grumbling about how Kacchan needs to think before he speaks or else he could land himself in serious shit one day if god forbid anyone actually does take his cruel words to heart.

and just to clarify before I get any further, I am not saying this to excuse Kacchan's actions in any way, because what he did was still completely terrible and unacceptable and WAY over the line, and what's more he knew it, too. the bullying was still shitty and horrible and awful, and definitely impacted Deku and made him miserable. I fully acknowledge that, and that Kacchan has a lot of atoning to do for it. this is not a "Kacchan did nothing wrong" post.

but that being said, I don't think canon Deku's reckless self-sacrificing nature actually has anything to do with the bullying. I think they're two completely separate things. canon Deku actually has pretty decent self-esteem in spite of everything Kacchan did to him. canon Deku doesn't think he is useless. canon Deku had a wholeass fight with Kacchan less than 10 chapters into the series in which he explicitly spelled it out for Kacchan that he had a lot of worth, and was going to prove it to him. canon Deku was persistent in wanting to become a hero and hoping and believing that he could find some way in spite of being quirkless. canon Deku never let go of that dream even when no one else supported it. I don't think he would have even given up on it after being told no by All Might, tbh -- we just never got to see how it would have played out because of everything that happened with the sludge monster shortly afterward. but he's not the type to ever give up on something that easily, and we've seen that. canon Deku never thought he was useless, but rather wanted to prove to everyone else that he wasn't.

the drive that Deku has to save and protect others even at the expense of his own safety is something entirely separate from that. he doesn't break his body for others simply because he has no self-esteem and thinks that his own life isn't important. he does it because he can't stand the thought of someone else getting hurt, and knowing that he could have done something to prevent it. it's as simple as that. like, Spider-Man has the whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing, right? and he doesn't have low self-esteem; he simply believes that if he has the ability to help someone else, then he has a responsibility to help them. it's a personal creed. and Deku is based on Spider-Man. his philosophy is based on that philosophy, which was one of Horikoshi's core influences and is one of the core creeds in superhero fiction.

Deku is self-destructive not because he doesn't value himself, but because he is literally physically incapable of standing back and doing nothing if he knows that he can do something. he's the type of person who sees a car speeding towards someone and leaps in to push them out of the way. NOT because he wants to get himself fucking pancaked by a speeding car, but simply because he can't sit back and watch the other person get hurt without taking action. his body moves before he can think. and that's where the whole "doesn't take himself into account" thing comes in -- the fact that his thought process simply stops at "get them out of the way of the car", and never extends beyond that to "hey, and maybe I should try to find a way to do this that doesn't involve me getting hit in their place." to him, that's simply less important than the first priority, which is getting the other person out of the way.

and regarding that last part, while that may seem like a self-worth issue if he's prioritizing everyone else above himself, I think what it actually is just selflessness taken to extremes. like for instance, when a parent sacrifices themselves to save their child, them placing the child's life above their own isn't necessarily because they don't see themselves as having value. rather, it's that they love the child so much that they place their well-being even above their own. and that's what Deku is like as well. except that in his case he cares about EVERYONE, and so is willing to sacrifice himself for anyone. and that selflessness is his defining character trait, and simultaneously the most admirable and the most terrifying thing about him. it's both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness, which I think is fascinating to explore.

but anyway, so that's also why we never really see anyone thoroughly chewing him out for this behavior either. because the thing is, it is admirable how selfless he is. it's just that there's also a reason why most people are at least a little bit selfish. and that's because too much selflessness will ultimately and inevitably wind up getting you killed. at some point you either have to learn when to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or else find yourself a loyal group of friends (or classmates) to watch your back, and make sure that mask gets on you when you need it. and maybe help you land the plane too while they're at it.

anyway so that was a lot of rambling, but basically it all boils down to three things:

when Deku berates himself for being useless (for instance at the end of the War arc), he's doing it out of frustration for not being able to push the others out of the way of the metaphorical car. that's the kind of uselessness he can't stand. the sitting-back-and-doing-nothing uselessness.

Kacchan's bullying was terrible, and it might have indeed played a part in Deku's choice of the word "useless" as a way of berating himself in these instances, but he is not the one who gave Deku this mindset of taking himself out of the equation. that's something that was already inherent to Deku from day one. (but that said, Kacchan has a lot of things to apologize to Deku for anyway, so if he wants to add this to the list I certainly won't stop him. he gets mad about Deku's suicidal attitude because it worries him, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't feel responsible for it. people underestimated his feelings of atonement before 284/285, and I think they're still underestimating him now.)

and lastly, one last important note, which is that Deku's current "saving" mindset isn't wrong, just as Kacchan's "winning" mindset was not wrong either. the lesson to be learned here is NOT that being selfless and wanting to save other people is bad. rather, it's the fact that he's trying to do it alone that's got him all fucked up right now. basically when you think about it, selflessness is really just selfishness on someone else's behalf. which means that in order for Deku to be saved, it isn't necessary for him to change his outlook or his selfless attitude, even if it is pretty crazy lol. rather, all he really needs is a good group of friends who are willing to act selfishly on his behalf in return. protecting each other through mutual selflessness lol. teamwork as self-preservation. hence why the U.A. kids are here now.

anyway so yeah, I think that's everything. sorry this got so long and out of control lol. this is just a very specific nuanced thing that's hard for me to express, but which I feel is very important when it comes to Deku's character. Kacchan didn't unleash Depressed Nomad Deku on the world (or at least not in this respect). but that being said, he and the others will hopefully be the ones to nudge him back on the right course again.

[plus-ultra-oof]

Pretty | SakuAtsu | Haikyuu!! | Tickle Fic

A/N: Ok hi so I wrote this a little while ago bc my SakuAtsu brainrot never stops and I figured I might as well share it. This is my first time posting a T-fic so please be kind lol. Also, sorry if the formatting is a mess I am on my phone.

Disclaimer: This takes place post timeskip so minor spoilers for Haikyuu! It’s nothing to major other than some vague things mentioned in passing. Also includes swearing and centers around tickling within a romantic setting (all sfw).

Summary: Sakusa’s stubborn as hell, but Atsumu is more than willing to get his boyfriend to go to sleep by whatever means necessary. Especially if that means he gets to see that pretty smile of his.

——————————————————

“Ya know, yer hair is really soft Omi,” Atsumu said, breaking the calm silence that had settled over the room. It was actually Kiyoomi’s room in his apartment this time. Atsumu was lying on his bed, running his hands through Kiyoomi’s dark curls as the other man laid across the bed, head placed conveniently in the setter’s lap as he attempted to read a book. He was far too tired to do so, in Atsumu’s professional opinion. The way his eyes kept falling shut for longer between blinks and how his grip on the hardcover kept shifting until he was barely holding it open where it lay against his propped up legs supported it too.

“You already- said that,” he replied, trying for flat and uninterested but the cute yawn that interrupted his sentence completely contradicted his unbothered persona.

It’d been a long practice for everyone, but especially the spikers. Both Bokuto and Sakusa had to run an insane amount of cut shot drills on top of their usual work. Just watching it had made Atsumu tired, so he could only imagine how Omi was feeling. The man had been practically dead on his feet when they’d gotten back to their complex, so the way he had melted into their bed upon finally brushing his teeth was unsurprising. His attempts at staying up were though. Atsumu blamed that on his insistence on keeping his routine no matter what.

The stubborn bastard could barely keep his eyes open, but sure, making it through a whole chapter of that thick ass book was totally plausible.

“It’s true though,” Atsumu was quiet for a moment and then, when he got no response he added on, “and it’s so pretty too,” For that he received a half hearted glare that was dampened by the way he could feel the man leaning into his touch as his fingertips scratched lightly again his scalp. The twin smiled, his boyfriend really lost his filter when he was this tired.

Gone were the biting remarks and cold expressions, leaving him far more pliant than he would ever admit to. Hell, here he was, letting Atsumu play with his hair and letting out little sighs of contentment. His eyes were even gradually falling closed as he relaxed into his boyfriend’s touch.

The harsh lines of his face were softened by the low light in the bed room, and with his brows uncreased by any worries and his hair pooled around his head like a dark halo, he looked almost angelic. Like something out of one of those fancy paintings.

“Yer so pretty Omi,” Atsumu murmured absently, the words falling from his lips easily. It was a statement to him. A simple truth of life.

The sky was blue, volleyball was the best, and Atsumu’s boyfriend was a damn masterpiece.

This was only proved further when his cheeks began to warm, the pink flush only complimenting smooth skin and pouty lips, twitching down into a petulant frown despite his flustered state.

“Shut it,” he mumbled in reply, unable to come up with a proper comeback in his half asleep state. Atsumu smirked. Another thing he loved about sleepy Omi was his inability to disguise any of his reactions. It always made messing him even more fun.

“Omiiii, Yer so cute m’gonna dieeeeee,” he teased, leaning down to admire his expression more closely. The new angle let him see the minuscule twitch of the corner of his lips, a sign that his adorable boyfriend wasn’t really as grumpy as he was trying to appear, “Aw is that a smile I see?” Said boyfriend had abandoned all hopes of reading his book in favor of moving off of Atsumu’s lap and onto his side of the bed, laying back and closing his eyes.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Atsumu,” he stated, his voice still managing to stay level and unaffected, a true testament to Sakusa’s insane amount of self control, “Now its late, let’s go to sleep,” Too bad Atsumu was too much of an asshole to let him be. And, he knew him well enough to chip away at that carefully crafted mask until his boyfriend was puddy in his hands.

Miya pouted and moved closer, letting his right hand come back up to rest in his curls again and the other land at his back, rubbing slow circles into it the way he knew Sakusa liked.

“Oh c’mon baby don’t be like that, I just want ta see that gorgeous smile of yers,” he let his chin rest on Kiyoomi’s shoulder, pressing close to his back as his arm trailed down to wrap around his waist. He placed a light kiss against his boyfriend’s temple. The first in a trail that led down his cheek to his jaw and then took a detour down and up his neck to reach his ear again, earning soft sighs and hums as he went. Atsumu smiled, his Omi really was sweet like this: All peaceful and relaxed and unassuming, “Do me a favor and lemme see it?”

He shifted from kissing at his neck to mouthing lightly and letting his lips graze the expanse of soft pale skin at his disposal and the reaction was immediate, even if Sakusa tried to hide it. Sure, he stayed quiet, but Atsumu could feel the shivers that ran through him when he started and how his shoulders began to shake the longer he went on. He felt him jump when he let the fingers at his waist trace lazy shape into his toned stomach.

“Atsumu-“ His name was rushed out in a breathy way that only Atsumu got to hear.

“Yes Omi?” He purred, directly into his boyfriends ear, savoring the little squeak that came from the man shaking in his arms.

“N-no,” he whined, actually whined, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the tingly sensations that were quickly perforating his sleep addled mind and making him want to give into the bouncy feeling rising in his chest.

“Why not Omi? M’just tryin ta kiss ya?” He followed his movements easily, continuing the playful torment of his boyfriend.

“You- you know exActly whehy not!” The squeak was louder this time and Kiyoomi even let a few titters loose as Atsumu started using his other hand to lightly scribble at the other side of his neck while simultaneously blowing into his ear.

“Ooh was that a giggle there Omi? What’s happenin’ baby? Somethin’ funny?” Atsumu knew that if he could, Sakusa would be griping about the teasing and how this whole thing was immature and unfair. For now though, he was too busy trying (and failing) not to devolve into a ticklish mess, so Miya was content.

“Nahaha stahahap yohuhu bahahastard!” He forced out through his giggles. The sound was light and filled with gasping breathes and squeals. Kiyoomi hated it, but it was one of Atsumu’s favorite sounds. Especially when he knew he was the cause of it.

Whether it came from unraveling him like this or timing a sarcastic joke just right, he savored it each time he got to hear it, so he didn’t appreciate it when both ungloved hands flew up to muffle it.

“Hey what’dya do that for?” He asked, his own pout forming on his lips as he leaned up to see his boyfriend’s face. His eyes were squeezed shut again and the flush was even brighter now. What was really captivating though, was the way his whole face seemed to brighten, even with his open mouth smile covered up.

Atsumu couldn’t help but stop and stare for a few seconds before remembering the task at hand. To see that pretty smile for real.

“C’mon Omi, just pull yer hands away or m’gonna haveta resort to extreme measures,” Atsumu increased his effort at leaving barely there kisses along Kiyoomi’s neck, feeling his heart race against his lips when he reached the pulse point. This got a cacophony of muffled squeaks and giggles before he finally gave into instinct and moved one of his hands away to push at his face.

As soon as it came up, Atsumu saw his chance and took it.

The hand that was drawing shivery patterns over sharp hip bones immediately skittered up Sakusa’s side to find its mark just above his ribs, sending the arm crashing right back down with a muffled shriek.

“Pffft phmp uff,” Came the dampened response as the other hand stayed stubborn in its quest to deprive Atsumu of his happiness. He decided to take it up another notch, because despite his tiredness, his Omi-Omi was still able to put up a good fight. He wouldn’t have him any other way: As headstrong as he was talented.

“Fine, don’t say I didn’t warn ya,” Atsumu leaned back just enough to leave some space between himself and Kiyoomi’s back. For insurance and safety purposes, he threw a leg over his waist to make sure he would fall off the bed.

Then all bets were off.

He started actually scratching at his armpits in tandem with leaving sloppy kisses along his spine and shoulder blades and any other part of his back he could reach at the moment, and the reaction was instantaneous and oh so satisfying.

“Mmmmphhhuhuhuck AtsuhuHU! NaHAHA STAHAP!”

“What babe? Somethin’ wrong?” He made sure to speak against the skin of his back, his words sending ticklish tremors through Kiyoomi as his worst spot was attacked.

“NOHOHOT THEHERE AHATSUHU!” Something seemed to switch off in his brain as his arms finally fell limp at his sides and he threw his head back against the pillows, laughing fully now. When they did, Atsumu immediately toned it down, abandoning his underarm in favor of leaving feather light scratches down the sides of his boyfriend’s back, making him shiver and keeping him caught up in his giggles without torturing him too bad.

Omi could never say that he was anything but nice about this....Well at least at this particular moment. Sakusa definitely kept a dated list of the times that his boyfriend had ruthlessly abused this specific weakness, but that was besides the point.

“Ahatsuhuhu,” Atsumu looked up at the sound of his name falling from upturned lips and found himself mesmerized by the sight.

Now that Kiyoomi had given up on stopping him he’d shifted to flop down on his stomach, bracing his head on his arms as he tried to contain the shaky laughter still spilling easily from his mouth. His hair was tousled from the struggle and his eyes were teary from laughing so hard and he was in an eternal state of flushed and fuck he was beautiful.

Too pretty for his own good. And Atsumu’s. At this rate, he was gonna die before he got to the Olympics.

He could just see it now: Miya Atsumu, beloved son, brother, boyfriend, and teammate. Cause of death: Seeing his godlike boyfriend laugh his heart out.

Shit, ‘Samu was right, he was whipped.

“Tsuhuhuhumuuu, m’tired,” Whiny giggles followed by a familiar yawn brought him out of his thoughts and he let his fingers slow to a stop, moving up in the bed to be beside his still giggling boyfriend. He turned him over onto his back before placing his book onto the nights stand and turning out the light.

“A-asshole,” Sakusa groaned, through breathy pants, giving him a half-hearted shove as he turned to face the blonde.

“But ya love me,” he teased moving in closer to lay his head on the dark haired man’s chest, listening patiently as his heartbeat finally started to slow down.

“You suck,” he murmured in response, his tone empty of any real malice. Plus, the way he was snuggling closer and lacing their hands together across Atsumu’s waist contradicted his words anyway.

Atsumu smiled and took a final look at his boyfriend before closing his eyes to follow him into sleep. And as a man of a limited vocabulary when it came to most things other than volleyball, his last thoughts prior to drifting off were as simple as they were true: Omi’s so pretty.

[currywaifu]

𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: playing pretend 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩: minagi tsuzuru/reader 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: sfw 𝐰𝐜: 3.5k words, 1 image

𝐚𝐧: tysm~ Everyday, my love for this boi increases. Also here’s the thing, I’m a hoe for fake dating. Listen, I can and would write so many fake-dating fics. Watch me apply every trope here lol. enoUGH ABOUT THAT, enjoy :>

He watched you stride over to him, quickly setting your bag down the empty space beside him. Before he could greet you, you slapped what looked to be a flyer in front of him. He was no Kazunari, but the tackiness of the hot pink mixed with crimson made his eyes burn.

“Hn? Did you design this or something?” He asked, turning away from the paper to look at you.

“Tsuzuru!” Watching you pout reminded him a little bit of his younger brothers when they wanted something from him, maybe that was why the brunet couldn’t help but tease you a little bit.

He’s known you for almost two years now, so he can already guess what you’re gonna ask of him. Nevertheless, he patiently waits for you to sit down and begin your business pitch.

“So you remember the cute but affordable cafe we went to two weeks ago right?” When Tsuzuru nods you scoff at yourself, “duh, you’re sleep-deprived not suffering from memory loss. Anyway,”

Tsuzuru intercepts you with a quip of his own, “takes one to know one, right? Who’s the one messaged me at 3 am?”

“It was important!”

“You sent me a TikTok asking if I was a toaster,” he watched the corners of your lips stretch upwards, “because you wanted to take a bath with me… you need help.”

You could only nudge him in retaliation. “It was a 3 am mood, okay? I was going to go to sleep already when I realised I forgot the assigned readings and I went all what the fuck.”

“Good grief… Seriously,” Tsuzuru laughed, shaking his head as he read the flyer more carefully this time, “2 for the price of 1 drink of your choice?”

Your eyes sparkled with excitement, “so the fine print does say it has to either be hot chocolate or milk tea, but like, still!”

“I have a shift 6 pm onwards, but,” well, not spending at all would be optimal, but exams finished two days ago and neither of you had the chance to reward yourselves for the hard work, “as long as we don’t stay that long.”

You giggled, trying to suppress your volume as the door burst open with the professor in tow, “you really are the toaster to my bathtub, the left AirPod to my right Air-“

“I’m regretting everything,” he groaned, “not that I mind getting discounts, but will you ever take someone else?”

“Listen, my fellow stingy boi,” with the most serious tone you could muster, you put your hands over his, “for as long as you don’t start dating, I will exploit you in all my schemes.”

As soon as 4 pm rolled in the two of you were out of the campus. It wasn’t the first time you dragged him into similar endeavours, neither did he have the heart to stop going along with you nor stop you.

Every now and then there would be a special offer or discount for couples, and Tsuzuru was your poor victim. It wasn’t bad, though. The two of you valued affordability and formed some kind of partnership in finding and sharing good deals on all sorts of products.

If that included coincidentally wearing the same outfit colour scheme and walking closer to each other, it wasn’t either of your faults if people assumed you were dating. At least, that’s what he’ll tell himself. If somehow his acting skills and your determination don’t win in the end, he’ll just chide you for bringing him into this and run.

“Looks like we’re not the only ones with the same idea,” you said, the both of you looking at the line just starting to form outside the establishment, “should we get the drinks to go? It’ll be less hassle than trying to get a seat inside.”

Tsuzuru nods, letting you hold onto his arm while falling in line for a special booth specifically for take-outs.

An unfamiliar voice, to Tsuzuru that is, calls out your name; the both of you find the couple directly in front you turned around to face you. When you grip his arm a little tighter, he knows something’s up. For a moment, you stiffen slightly at the sight of your high school ex-boyfriend and the girl beside him who was smiling as awkwardly as you felt. Quickly fixing yourself, you set a grin on your face.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” You replied, stepping a little closer to the boy beside you.

Subconsciously you wrap an arm around Tsuzuru’s waist, and if he’s uncomfortable by that he doesn’t show it. As expected of your favourite actor!

“It really has! You getting the promo too?” With a wide grin, he put his arm around who you presumed to be his girlfriend, “she’s been craving milk tea, so we decided to get some ♡~” Oh? He wants to out-sweet you? Doesn’t matter if it’s intentional or not, he’s gonna get it. You can be petty too!

You pressed the side of your face against Tsuzuru’s shoulder, leaving just enough room for you to be able to reply back.

“Same here~ Tsuzu-kun and I really love the stuff here ♡ we can’t get enough of the flavours- oh, looks like it’s your turn to order?” Gesturing at the front of the booth where the cashier stared at the pair, the female proceeded to order while the guy kept talking. Inwardly, you wished you could tell him to shut the hell up. Was he always this talkative in the past?

“Well, it’s been fun catching up!” Catching up, he says? What the fuck did you guys catch up on? The fact that both of you had dates? Well, not exactly on your case, but he didn’t know that, “I hope you guys enjoy your date ♡!”

Before you could think of the most sickeningly sweet way to phrase a you too, Tsuzuru breaks his silence, “we already are enjoying, thank you.”

Your ex looks slightly shocked, before turning around. Holy shit, your brain.exe isn’t responding, do you close the program or wait for it to respond? Totally forgot that not only was Tsuzuru an actor, but a playwright as well. Of course he’d be good with dialogue.

You weren’t really expecting Tsuzuru to respond. Usually it was you who did the talking, you took responsibility for dragging him along all the time so might as well play the role of the sweet s/o, right?

Still, just one line from him was a pleasant surprise. And to your ex nonetheless!

When it’s your turn to order you quickly slam the payment on the counter, startling both the poor cashier and Tsuzuru. Before he could protest, you wink at him, “let me treat you for your hard work today!”

As the two of you left, your hand hung lightly on his arm, you swore you could feel eyes digging into your skull. You spun around, causing the man beside you to stop his tracks as well, but from what you could tell you didn’t recognise anyone.

“You alright?” Tsuzuru asks, sounding slightly concerned at your sudden action. You looked back to face him, before nodding to reassure him.

“Yep! Let’s go find somewhere to sit before you go to work. We still have some time to hang out.”

Neither of you noticed the two people staring at you from inside the cafe.

“Oi oi, ain’t that Tsuzuru?”

“Haa… looks like we’ve seen something we shouldn’t have?”

Finally sat at a park bench, you found yourself a little bit more conscious of how touchy you were being a while ago. Sure, holding onto his arm here and there when people could see was fine, but if he wasn’t okay with it you had to apologise.

“Sorry, was I too much a while ago?” He sipped onto his drink for a moment, before shaking his head. He looked slightly exasperated, but it didn’t seem to be directed at you.

“Was that your ex? He was kind of annoying.” You chuckled.

“Yeah, but like way back in high school so I’m not pressed or anything. Broke up through text, had the audacity to use text abbreviations plus send a heart emote with his message. Character limit, I guess.”

Tsuzuru’s expression twisted, and you couldn’t tell if what he felt was wry amusement or disgust. Both, perhaps? “That ain’t it, chief. He’s either an insensitive jerk or an, uh… insensitive eccentric… you’re really okay?”

Rolling your eyes, you brought back your hand to his arm to squeeze it to put him at ease. “Obviously! Tsuzuru, you and me, we make a great pair! Plus, your ad-lib totally shook him! Simple but effective, it was a nice touch.”

Just as Tsuzuru was getting used to the added weight on his arm, the pressure lightened up once again. You one-sidedly clink your cups together before you resumed drinking the beverage, “we should do this again sometime.”

Which part?

The two of you always went out to redeem promos and discounts anyway, that much was a given, so did you mean something else?

“Yeah, we should.”

He did not expect to be confronted within a minute of coming back to the dorm. Itaru, Kazunari, Banri, Omi, and Tsumugi all simultaneously looked at him upon his entrance in the living room.

“Good evening?” He greeted them, albeit a little awkwardly. Is he missing out on something? Were they playing some kind of mind fuck prank or psychology game?

“We were just talking about you,” Tsumugi started before quickly retracting his statement, “ah, wait, that sounded kind of weird right? What we’re trying to say is-”

“Tsuzuroon, I totes get why you never wanna go to mixers!” Kazunari interrupted, adding onto Tsuzuru’s confusion.

“Didn’t know you had it in ya,” Banri continues, “when we saw ya outside the cafe a while ago-“

Oh, ohhhhh. That’s what they meant?

For a moment, he feels a smidge of relief from figuring out what he was missing out on, until his stomach plummeted once more. Oh, fuck, that meant at least Banri and some other guy saw him, with you. With your hand dangling on his arm, your arm around his waist, your face pressed up against his shoulder-

He can feel his face start to heat up, though he’s not sure if it’s more getting caught or more recollecting what happened a while ago.

“Can’t believe you’re dating someone now, GJ.” Itaru says with his shit-eating grin, before looking back down towards his phone.

He should really be clearing up the misunderstanding. It was simple- the two of you were just friends, you went together to redeem a promo, that was it.

“Hey, that’s not-“

“Is it someone from Yosei?” Omi interjects, looking a little bit thoughtful as he tried guessing who it could be, “Hmm… the one you’re with a lot, right? What was their name again?”

He prays to the first deity he could think of, which was for naught because Tsuzuru’s ears perk up as soon as the photographer says your first name. At a loss for words for how fast your identity was revealed, Omi’s chuckles get echoed by the other boys.

He didn’t get to deny it. He wouldn’t be surprised if by tomorrow morning, everyone thought the two of you were a thing.

Tsuzuru thinks this should be more of a pain to him, but he can’t will it in himself to be bothered by the assumption they have on his relationship. If for a little while he could avoid Kazunari wanting to bring him to mixers, he could consider this an advantage.

…

When your phone alarm rings you jolt up from your bed, panicking slightly until you realise that you didn’t have class today. Lazily stretching to grab your phone, you notice a text from Tsuzuru.

“Pfft, can’t believe I influenced him this much, lol.” You muttered, setting down your phone to make breakfast.

It’s not until you enter the kitchen that you realise you were smiling the whole time.

Other than a few knowing looks from Omi and a curious gaze here and there from the purple-haired one (you’ve come to learn his name was Juza), nothing really changed between the two of you.

Until Tsuzuru gets hit by the familiar sight of you rushing towards the table he was situated at. Your eyes weren’t brimming with excitement, no visible smile, so he braced himself for what you had to tell him.

“I need a favour. You can refuse if you want, but you’d actually be saving my life so hear me out please,” as if to put further emphasis on your current predicament you placed your hands atop of his.

“Go on,” he urged you.

“Not to be a fanfiction trope, but I need you to be my date at my old homeroom teacher’s wedding,” you groaned, “that my ex is also attending.”

Tsuzuru didn’t know if he should comfort you or laugh at the situation, “and you need me to go because-“

“Because,” you interjected, “that dumbass asked the group chat if he could bring a date, then encouraged me to bring my date too. Then my competitive dumbass was all like, yeah we’ll see you there!”

You hid your face with your arms, resting your head on the table. “Tsuzuruuuu, I messed up huhu. I only wanted to go for the reception, what am I doing with my life, I didn’t even like that teacher so why did I accept?” you whined.

Fake dating to redeem promos was one thing, pretending to be a couple in front of your old classmates is another thing, pretending to be a couple while attending a wedding is another spectrum of things.

“When is it?” You raised your head to respond.

“Next Sunday, 10 am. Reception at noon, probably.”

He’s not too sure why he keeps going along with your whims. It could be because you’re a dear friend to him, or he doesn’t mind all that much whenever you’d drag him along to fake-date to get sweet deals hang-out, but he can’t deny that being with you is a nice feeling lowers his stress levels.

“I’ll be your date,” Your eyes immediately snap up to meet his, still traces of hesitance on your face.

“I could totally just make up an excuse on why you or both of us can’t go, are you sure?”

Nodding his head, Tsuzuru was soothed by your usual, bright smile- spectacular to the point that it made him think of the rainbows that came after spring showers. He felt the corners of his lips being tugged upwards; before he could calm himself you wrapped your arms around him, a spontaneous and affectionate embrace.

“Thank you, thank you! Gosh, I love you!” You squealed, and his plan to calm himself down failed ultimately. He was glad your face was buried against his chest right now, at least you wouldn’t be able to see the rising flush on his face; then again, you probably could detect how his heart writhed and thumped.

“What colour are you wearing?” He finally asked, refusing to acknowledge the slight displeasure as you let him escape your caged arms.

“Green or teal, maybe.”

“We’re in your room exactly why again?” You propped your hands on your hips, giving him a look that said really, now.

“We need to practice touching each- okay, wait let me rephrase, ugh…” trailing off, you sat yourself down on your bed as you covering your face with a pillow, your voice coming out muffled, “casual touching.”

“Don’t we already touch each other?” Lowering your pillow to peek at Tsuzuru, he turned away from you in apparent embarrassment, “you know what I mean!”

Tension was building up in the room, much to your chagrin. Tsuzuru had a point. Even though you initiated affection pretty much all the time, the two of you already had a bunch of pre-planned poses to convince people that you were dating.

“I guess I just wanted to do more…” it was hard for you to admit that to yourself, much more out loud, but it was the truth. You didn’t have any grounds to ask more of him, but selfishly you wanted him to reciprocate your affection.

You could swear up and down that it was just you craving affection, but the truth of the matter was that it was his affection you wanted-  you craved being physically and emotionally close to him.

The line you drew was getting blurry. You didn’t want to ruin anything.

The weight on the bed shifted.

“Hey,” Tsuzuru looped an arm around your waist, gently petting the top of your head, “don’t overthink this. Just be natural, whatever you do I’ll go along with and vice versa. This is just the same as all the other times.”

It didn’t feel like it.

“Thank you,” you replied, releasing the pillow from your death grip and lightly hugging it instead, “I was overthinking it. Can you stay for a while, or do you have to go? I feel like watching Whisper of the Heart.”

Tsuzuru scoffed lightly, “We watched that last time. Laputa: Castle in the Sky or nothing.”

With a laugh you shoved your pillow at Tsuzuru, standing up from the bed. “I’ll get some snacks, brb.”

As soon as you exited the room Tsuzuru buried his face against the fluffy cushion, letting out a noise between ardour and agony. This was just method acting, they’ve done this before. No need to get all worked up about it.

As luck would have it, you and Tsuzuru immediately ran into a bunch of your old classmates.

“Ne? Is this your boyfriend?” One of the girls asked, giving him a quick glance, “your outfit matches his eyes! Love it~”

Tsuzuru coughed lightly.

“Shh, I was waiting for him to notice!” You giggled, looking into Tsuzuru’s eyes before looking away within a few seconds, “his eyes are really beautiful, I doubt I could ever do them justice.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Tsuzuru swoops in, curling an arm around your waist, “you look really lovely today.”

“Tsuzuru,” you murmured, heart hammering a little faster, wondering if he was being as truthful as you were.

In the eyes of the girls in front of you, they were looking at two bashful lovers, and they were eating it all up.

“Wah! I wish I could get a boyfriend as sweet as him!” With a pout, you situated yourself to stand a little closer to your date.

“Well don’t get any ideas, he’s mine~” you teased them, laughing along with the rest of the group.

…

When the vows of the couple began, you found yourself sniffling.

“I thought you didn’t like that teacher,” Tsuzuru whispered jokingly, but he reached out to hold your hand for comfort, brushing his thumb against your knuckles.

You ignored him, actively listening to the bride’s speech.

“Falling in love with you was like entering a house and finally realising I'm home. When you smile at me, I feel the glow of the sun against my skin. When your eyes are locked on mine, it's like I can see countless of stars instead of just pupils. Having you in my life makes me feel like everything's possible in this world, we simply work together. With you, I’ve discovered so many things, things I’ve come to treasure, but the best discovery of all was love.”

Eyes stuck on the scene in front of you, you failed to notice the look of longing from the man beside you. It was as if the words uttered all applied to you, and yet somehow the words he could write about you wouldn’t be enough to express what he felt.

He settles on retrieving his handkerchief from his pocket and gently dabbing it around your eyes.

…

The whole reception was a bliss that came and went too fast for your liking. There was the plus that your ex miraculously couldn’t attend the reception, as well as the chef’s kiss worthy buffet, but you owed it all to Tsuzuru.

It was the same feeling for Tsuzuru, who didn’t feel awkward or out of place the whole time with you by his side. He kept looking forward to the next thing you would do, regardless if people were even watching the two of you or not.

When you let him feed you a slice of cake.

When he used his thumb to wipe off the crumbs near your lips.

When you rest your head against his shoulder.

When he cheered for you even with an unsuccessful bouquet toss.

Nothing felt faked today.

After saying your goodbyes to everyone, the two of you headed home hand-in-hand in silence. Every time you took a glance at the man beside you, so much feelings burst from within, but words themselves could not escape.

Stopping outside your apartment, you let go of one hand.

“Thank you for today,” you whisper, cupping his face to kiss him right where the corner of his lips ended, barely missing them. Tuning out every noise but yourselves, you heard his breath hitch.

“Are… are we still pretending?” Tsuzuru waited with bated breath for your response.

Mustering up all your courage, you shake your head. “I’m not. Are you?”

Squeezing your hand, he pressed his forehead against yours, “I’m not either,��� he said quietly, before softly pressing his lips against yours.

want to order again?

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 2: Too Many Thoughts on The Circle France

I’ve gotten back into watching The Circle France, to perhaps too great a degree. I couldn’t sleep last night because I was thinking about it and then I had dreams about it, which can’t be good. Even before last night, I was getting some French dreams in there more generally, which I’m sure is from the show because where else.

I was a little skeptical of it at first. I think part of that was that I was a little burned out, after basically inhaling S1 and S2 of the American version, and part of it was from trying to get into the French specifically. I know enough where I feel like I should listen first and then read, but not so much that I can forgo subtitles. It’s tough, though, a lot more mental work than watching in English. My French is rusty and even at my peak proficiency I never knew that much slang--certainly not the slang of the show, which, uh, probably hadn’t even been invented yet.

And finally the first episodes were dragged down by the presence of les grandmeres, I’m sorry to say. They just weren’t good, either at playing Nicolas specifically or the game generally. I think they bit off more than they could chew. Like, Lee played a younger person in the American version S2 but he didn’t change his gender or his sexuality or even, ultimately, much of his personality--he just aged himself down. And not as far down as Nicolas, either! There’s a big difference between 20 and 28. Les grandmeres were fun as real people but, like many catfish, not as fun in their profile form, and their attempts to be 20 years old while not knowing any slang (or who Harry Potter is) were... a little cringeworthy. I feel bad saying it! But it’s true. I felt like the game opened up a lot after their elimination.

I stopped watching yesterday just when Virginie was setting herself up, so I haven’t seen her interact with anyone else (I prefer not to end on cliffhangers, @ Netflix). It’s weird to think that, assuming a final five like in the American version, there are only 3 more eliminations.

Personally, I’d like to get rid of Paolo and Nelia most. Paolo is awful. He’s so pretentious--21 year old philosophy student??? No. And he’s in his head way too much. Like most 21 year olds, he simultaneously takes the game WAY too seriously (overthinking every little thing like, dude, chill) and thinks he’s way too cool for everything and everyone else. Kick him out. Nelia isn’t quite as bad but like, again, I think les jumeaux take the game way too seriously and their overly emotional responses to everything really stress me out. Like, they take everything as a personal attack on themselves as people, which is just fundamentally not true and decidedly exhausting. I appreciate their shit stirring capabilities but they need to CALM DOWN. They’re not even stirring things up on purpose or for their own fun. They do it accidentally because they’re way too earnest about everything.

They’re both/all in a difficult spot just from how late in the game they entered. It’s very hard to make it to the finals when you’re a new person. Paolo in particular I think will be gone soon, and this isn’t entirely a blind hope. I mean I could very well be wrong but if Ines solidifies her alliance with Gabriel and Nelia, which she seems to have done, and if one person from each team ends up an influencer, it could essentially end up as a stalemate that eliminates Paolo, the only free agent (while Virginie is new). He might not be a free agent by then, but he doesn’t seem the alliance type. Too silly--he’s above it. I certainly wouldn’t trust him very far myself, though it’s sometimes hard to tell and/or remember what the contestants themselves know of each other--since they have interactions I don’t see, because of editing, and I know things they don’t, because of cameras.

If both influencers are from Team Ines, then Romain is gone. He used to be one of my faves, and to some extent he still is, because I appreciate his chaotic energy, but I think he’s been too bold and basically painted the bullseye on his own back. If Ines has the chance to take out anyone from TeamWinner it will be Romain, no question. And she has 3 chances to do it. She doesn’t even need another person from her Team sitting across from her. She just needs the other person to NOT be Elea or Valeria.

I also think that TeamWinner has started to isolate themselves, such that they may have a hard time getting to the top spots. If they’re known to look out for themselves first, no one else will want any of them in positions of power. It’s hard to predict rankings exactly when people are teamed up as they are, but I would be concerned about that if I were them. If the version of the story in which they backstabbed Gary and manipulated Ines into blocking him gets out--that’s basically it.

I’m not sure what to think of that entirely, btw... from what I saw, it did look like Gary was betraying Ines, and some things he said out loud seem to back that up. However, Valeria and Romain absolutely did set him with the express intention of getting rid of him, and even my precious, blameless Elea said in so many words that she was throwing him under the bus for Valeria, so.... I don’t know man, maybe Ines is the only real victim here. She talks a lot but isn’t effective in getting her agenda to play out, as can be seen by the decimation of her original team. Even though Romain and Elea were my faves, and still are to some degree, Ines has a great ‘revenge story’ on her hands, and there is sort of a part of me that wants to see her take down TeamWinner just because they got too cocky and played too dirty. See the underdog vindicate herself, as it were.

I don’t know who I see winning at this point. I think Paolo and Nelia are long-shots, again just because they came in later--Virginie for the same reason, even though I haven’t seen her interact with anyone yet so it’s hard to tell. She could just as easily do just well enough to fly under the radar for three more eliminations and make it to final 5. Too soon to tell. Paolo, because of his lack of alliances, I think will have a hard time. Nelia will need a lot more loyalty and closer connections than she has now, even with a spot on Team Ines. Will it matter that Ines’s other alliance, Gabriel, thinks Nelia is fake? I don’t see a strong connection between them as such--only between each of them and Ines--though that could still change.

Romain, again, I think has a target on his back. He’s becoming known as a Game Player and Game Players, like Antonio (USA S1) and Cedric, are prime targets for elimination. 

Valeria... it’s hard to tell. At the point where I am, he’s basically the most skilled subtle game player since... probably Trevor/DeLeesa. But way, way sneakier. DeLeesa was partly playing under the radar. Valeria is a purposeful puppet master. He’s managed to become le cerveau while actually convincing everyone--including Romain--that Romain is le cerveau, essentially having his cake and eating it too. People do what he wants, but no one feels threatened by him. I could see him taking that to the finals. BUT I also think one misstep could quickly unravel his whole game--much like what happened with Cedric tbh--so I wouldn’t be too confident about him making final 5 yet.

Elea I think will make it, unless Ines manages to take out all of TeamWinner. But she’d have to get 3/3 of all of the remaining eliminations, which is plausible, but unlikely. It’s conceivable she’ll take out Romain and the whole house of cards will fall. But it’s more possible that she’ll take out Romain and then alliances will shift and Elea and/or Valeria will find other avenues to the finale.

Gabriel flies so completely under the radar lol. He’s in that interesting position where’s not an OG but he’s been there significantly longer than the other recent additions. I feel like I know him as a person, but not as a profile. I have a hard time placing where he is in the game, even though as a person, I like him and wouldn’t mind seeing him advance or, at this point, win. He’s probably the least suspicious of them all lol.

Ines I think will make it to the end. That’s mostly just an instinct. It’s possible TeamWinner will get rid of her successfully--she probably is their next target--but ultimately I think she’s poised to strategize her way at least past three eliminations, if not to the top spot.

[willowistic22]

I saw that your requests are open so I was wondering if you might have any ideas as far as jomike and/or newsbians maybe with the group playing truth or dare.

I’m sorry this took so long hehehehe. it’s also fairly longer than my other requests (and i mean it this time) so uhh... oops? I am also trying to work on those other requests ppl don’t worry i didn’t forget them! Anyways, unpopular opinion: brotp jojo and kath pls let that sink in :) mentions of alcohol btw but it’s just them drinking and having fun and that’s abt it (i’ll still put a tw in the tags just in case) 

send in some requests!! Or not i’m not the boss of you lol

It sucks sharing an apartment with two other people and being the only single one out of the bunch. At times his roommates would schedule a date night on the same night, which would leave Jo Jo all alone. It has happened more than once, believe it or not. Well, Jo Jo isn’t exactly salty. He’s fine being single. What he doesn’t like with his situation is the part where he’s left behind in their empty apartment. 

These are one of those nights. But Jo Jo pushes through the lonely feeling and searches for company. It’s a good thing his good friends, Kathrine and Davey lives just a floor below him. They usually have movie nights together and wouldn’t mind with another friend crashing in. 

Jo Jo passes a few doors before he arrives at his destination. He knocks on the door, fully expecting Davey to be answering the door. If it’s movie night, he’s sure Kathrine is wrapped up in a blanket on the couch with no desire of moving a muscle. 

The door was answered, but not with who he initially expected. The other Jacobs sibling, Sarah, who just so happens to be Kathrine’s girlfriend. The optimism nearly fell off of Jo Jo’s face but he quickly picked it up to avoid giving the wrong impression. 

“Sarah! I didn’t know you were here!” Jo Jo tried to cover up his disappointment. 

“Well, Davey’s out so Kath invited me to join her for movie night!” 

They didn’t turn away their lonely friend. Though, third wheeling a couple was not what he was looking for. It just makes him feel more lonely. But the couch is big enough for the three of the to cuddle. The feeling of the fabric against Jo Jo’s skin is a little rough but the orange comfy cushions makes up for its roughness. 

Jo Jo bounces a bit on the couch before settling under the huge pink fluffy blanket with the couple. It’s big enough for Kathrine and Sarah to be cuddling on one side of the couch and let Jo Jo be an outcast on the other. 

He tries to ignore the fact that Kathrine has her head laid on top of Sarah’s chest. The occasional small kisses Sarah gives Kathrine and the butterflies from the pit of their stomachs they express through small giggles. The apartment is dark so the visual can be easily ignored by hyper focusing on the TV screen. Though, Jo Jo can’t shake away the feeling of its presence. 

The movie that Jo Jo can’t recognize, moved on to a passionate kissing scene. As if tormenting him with his two friends beside him is already doing the kissing themselves isn’t enough. He hadn’t realize he sighed out too loud when Kathrine sat up from where she was lying down. 

“Oh, Jo Jo, I’m so sorry! We didn’t mean to left you out of the cuddling!” 

Kathrine proceeds to shift closer to Jo Jo, wrapping her hands around his torso to give him an apology bear hug. Jo Jo didn’t turn it down and hugs her back, hearing Sarah giggling behind. 

They let go and moves a little to the center of the couch. Sarah shifts closer too so they can snuggle up with them and they concentrate back on the movie. The only things is, the movies sucks and is boring the hell out of them. 

“Why’d you even pick this movie in the first place?” Jo Jo asked after the two girls expressed their boredom. 

“I don’t know, I just picked a random movie hoping it isn’t bad” Kathrine confessed. 

“Okay... so now what?” Sarah asked the others. 

So there’s the new problem that emerged from the shadows as Kathrine turn the lights on and Jo Jo stops the movie. No other activity came to mind. Not even picking another movie since the girls already spent nearly an hour watching some lame movie. 

“I know!” Sarah suddenly chirped up after a few moments of silence. Kathrine and Jo Jo looked at her hopefully, “A game of truth or dare perhaps?” 

“I’m not interested in doing any dares right now” Jo Jo replied. 

“Then... let’s make it a game of truth or truth!” Sarah continued on. She shifts a little closer to the two but kept her gaze fixed on Jo Jo with a grin painting her face, “If you could date one of us, who would you date and why?” 

So it appears Jo Jo is up first. Not exactly sure when did they decided it though. He squints his eyes at the girl and tilts his head in confusion. 

“Ignoring the fact that we’re all gay here. Of course you wouldn’t date either of us but if you had to choose, who’d it be?” 

Since there isn’t anything else for them to do, Jo Jo plays along with this game of truth or truth. Half an hour asking others questions, real spicy ones too, they were having a blast in the end. 

Kathrine opens up the beer stash she and Davey keeps, but if they’re being real: Kath is the only one that really needs that stash. Sarah shares a bottle with Kathrine and Jo Jo passes the offer. 

“Tell me, Jo Jo: why are you still single?” it was Sarah’s turn again to ask Jo Jo a question. A fitting one as well, since the reason he came here is to not be lonely while his two roommates are out on their respective dates. 

He rolls his eyes before diverting them back to where the other two girls were, still sitting in the same position they were the whole time, “I just haven’t found the right one yet!” 

“So Mike’s not the ‘right one’ for you?” Kathrine plainly asked, as if it wasn’t suppose to be a secret he was keeping with a few other people. 

His eyes Kathrine down with silent rage. Sarah’s eyes widen and her jaws dropped to the floor. She was laughing breathlessly when she heard her friend having a crush on another friend she hadn’t expected. 

Jo Jo isn’t up to argue with her so he just slouches back in the couch with a pout and a loud sigh. Sarah’s laugh and Kathrine’s cheeky grin at him is infuriating. It’s quite hard to ignore it too since they’re both up on his face. God, he wishes he has the heart to punch the light out of them. 

The bullying only lasted for a minute or so. Sarah stops laughing as soon as she noticed the visible pout on his face. But she couldn’t hold back the grin. 

“Alright, alright, stop it you two!” Jo Jo said, before slouching again with his hands crossed. 

A few seconds of silence to wait for Sarah and Kathrine to come down from their high. Once Sarah caught up with her breath, though the excitement was still verbally there, she speaks up, “So how’s that going on?” 

“What?” Jo Jo gazed at her confused for a second. Not that he didn’t understand what it meant, but rather at the fact that she doesn’t understand the situation, “You think I’m the kind of guy that can make the first move?” 

As much as Jo Jo loves his friend, Sarah is out of her mind to think Jo Jo can make any form of progress. He doesn’t know what Mike’s reaction would be if he does. Hell, he wouldn’t even know where to start!

“I mean, easiest way to do it is by talking to him” Sarah added on, “You never know till you try!” 

“I wish this was truth or dare. I would’ve given you a dare to go talk to Mike right now” Kathrine commented. It’d be a very fitting dare since Mike lives with his twin brother Ike just a few doors down. Though, she’d expect Jo Jo to chicken out and switch to a truth. 

Regardless of the unfortunate circumstances, they keep playing. Sarah, being the only one who isn’t entirely in the know of Jo Jo’s crush, kept asking questions about it in between turns and sometimes she makes it her question to him. Kathrine already knows because Jo Jo often talks about it to her. 

If you ask him, Jo Jo doesn’t even know how he’d gotten his feelings tangled with his friend in the first place. It suddenly happened and it hasn’t left his system ever since. If he could, he’d do something about it. But Mike’s far out of his league, he’s sure of that. Plus he’s probably already busy with someone else. So what’s the point in trying? 

A knock on the door brought their laughter to a sudden stop. It couldn’t be Davey, since he’d already have the keys to enter his own apartment. As Kathrine recall, her roommate didn’t left his keys at home. Even if he did, he’d call Kathrine beforehand. 

The three observes the door quietly, bodies frozen in place and simultaneously thinking of the same thing. They exchange looks to each other before focusing back to the door. 

Jo Jo stands up from the couch and tip toes to the door. His movement are careful as he gets his hand closer to the doorknob. There was more knocks, since it’s left unanswered for quite some time, followed by a familiar voice calling from the other side with a familiar voice that makes his heart drop, “Davey? Kath? It’s Mike!” 

He could not have such bad timing than to come knocking on the door right now. What can be so important that the next morning couldn’t wait?  

Jo Jo twisted his head back to face the girls who are now smiling widely, visibly trying to hold back a laugh. They gestured him to go open door but Jo Jo refuses, frantically shaking his head with a look of horror behind his eyes. 

“Hello? You guys home?” Mike called out again with a few more knocks. 

Jo Jo starts to sweat. His legs glued to the floor, unable to escape his problem. Kathrine rolls his eyes with an annoyed sigh, getting up from her seat to get to the door. Jo Jo isn’t sure what she’s going to do but it was too late to stop her before she realizes she’s opening the door for him and proceeds to hide herself behind it. 

Mike froze for a moment, surprised to see the boy’s face, “Jo Jo? Wh-what’re you doing here?”

Jo Jo couldn’t answer quickly, his brain not being able to pull him away from the sudden act Kathrine just pulled on him, “Uhh... hi” 

A slap can be heard in the background. Jo Jo can feel the disappointment from Sarah’s distant facepalm. He hears a silent sigh from behind the door, Kathrine deciding to step in and save the day with a huge smile on display. 

“Hey, Mike! You need me to return that cooking pot?” 

“Oh, yes! I need it for tomorrow” Mike answered, moving his focus to Kathrine. 

“I’ll go fetch for you but it’s gonna take some time” Jo Jo is slowly realizing what Kath’s up to and he can’t do anything about it, “In the mean time...” 

A big shove from the back made Jo Jo’s feet obey to the movement since his brain isn’t registering to what’s happening yet. Mike, being confused as to what’s happening, didn’t move an inch which resulted into Jo Jo crashing into him. The door shuts behind them and they’re left in the front hallway of the apartment. 

Jo Jo didn’t move at first other than moving his head back to get a better look at what’s happening. His head is inches away from Mike’s, chests’ pressed up together, and limbs getting tangled. Both faces show obvious confusion and a hint of embarrassment at the situation they’ve gotten themselves. 

They stammer at their words, head scrambling all over the place as they try to figure out what’s the next move. Mike takes one step back with an awkward smile, an unnatural thing for him to do since he’s always so fun and relaxed.  

“I... wasn’t expecting to see you in there tonight” Mike tried to ease away the awkward tension. 

“Yeah, I just... I was looking for some company” Jo Jo explained. 

“Being single sucks, huh?” 

“I mean... not necessarily. I’m fine but it can get a little lonely” 

Mike nods along, returning to his easygoing demeanor, “Yeah, I get it. Ike basically leaves me stranded in our apartment when Hotshot comes to pick him up” 

Jo Jo just nods silently. 

So new information of the day: Mike is single. Jo Jo’s brain starts to get excited. But he knows better to shut that thought away with the knowledge of needing to consider in more factors. 

Mike coughs, taking this chance to look away. The moment is slowly getting awkward. The two boys not knowing what to do other than rocking themselves on their own pace to ground their nerves. 

“What’s the pot for?” Jo Jo blurted out, now fully realizing the awkwardness between them is slowly getting intolerable. 

“Oh, our parents are visiting tomorrow. We’re gonna make dinner for them” Mike answered, “And it’s Ike’s chance to introduce them to Hotshot so he wants things to go as smoothly as possible” 

Admittedly, Jo Jo has never felt the nervous feeling of introducing someone special to someone as important as parents, but he’s sort of associating it with what he’s feeling right now. The context is not the same yet he somehow understands the feeling by just standing here. 

“And... you’re not inviting anyone?” Jo Jo timidly asked, “I mean, I know you said you’re single but... there just have to be someone out there... right?” 

Mike scoffs with a smile and Jo Jo swears on his life his eyes just twinkled, “No point in asking them, we don’t even talk” 

Jo Jo laughs a little and scratches the back of his head, “I guess you’d be moving things a bit too fast if you did that” 

More awkward silence envelop the two. Jo Jo is praying for Kathrine to return with the pot. Although, he knows Kathrine is taking her time on purpose. But finally, the door opens again only Kathrine wasn’t the one walking out. 

“Eavesdropping to you two are going to be the death of me so I’m going to interrupt the conversation!” Sarah said, standing in between the two boys griping the pot with both hands. 

“Even from behind the door, I could sense the sexual tension and you guys have to do something about it or I’m about to throw hands!” Sarah continued on, “Admit it! Like literally just admit it: you like each other any dumbass can tell you that! Now kiss!” 

Sarah jots the pot in between her upper arm and her side so she can grip both of their shoulders and shoves the two forward. Somehow, they were able to capture each other’s lips perfectly. The boys’ eyes widen from the sudden act. Despite Sarah’s hand are no longer gripping their shoulders, they linger in the kiss for a few seconds because of the shock their brains are experiencing. 

The finally found the realization to pull away from each other, recollecting their scattered minds and steadying their breaths. Jo Jo is refusing to believe this is reality. He did not just kiss his crush right then and there for no reason!

“Now that we’ve established that, here’s your pot Mike!” Sarah shoves the pot towards Mike. He fumbles with the pot as he hasn’t fully has his feet back on the ground, much like Jo Jo, “Alright, see you later!” 

Sarah drags Jo Jo back in the apartment and shuts the door. She turns to a still shocked looking Jo Jo with a smile, “See? Progress right?” 

Jo Jo cocks his head to face Sarah, stuttering a few of his words before finally blurting out, “Not like that!” 

Kathrine watches the two from the couch, now occupying the newly popped popcorn, “I mean, that was kinda funny but I think you just ruined his chances now” 

“Well, I’m sorry. I just got annoyed from the pining!” Sarah exclaimed. She returns to her spot next to her girlfriend on the couch, leaving Jo Jo where he’s frozen in place and still trying to process what just happened. Sarah turns back to where Jo Jo is, “And for your information: I wasn’t lying. I know for a fact that he likes you!” 

Kathrine and Jo Jo gives her a questioning look. To which, she answers, “He admitted it himself” 

Jo Jo’s jaws drop and his eyes widen once again, tilting his head in wonderment, “WHAT?!” 

[obeymematches]

Hello ♡

I hope you're doing well! I've been following your blog for a while now and I've finally gained enough courage to send in a matchup request. This is my first request here so I hope I did well in describing myself! Also, I'm sorry if my grammar's bad ^^'

To start off, my mbti is infp-t while my enneagram is 4w3. I'm a really private person and it can be quite challenging to really know me - which explains my small social circle. Those who are close to me has said that I'm actually really hard to read (I swear it wasn't intentional! I really thought I was easy to read but I was wrong after all lol). In social settings, I'm often quiet and prefer observing rather than engaging myself with other people. I would give them a smile to be polite though but I won't talk unless it's about something important. I'll always make sure to think twice before I talk too, so that I wouldn't offend anyone by accident. While I'm not much of a talker, I won't hesitate to speak up if anyone disrespects my beliefs and personal values.

Despite how unapproachable I may appear, I'm a huge emotional mess and I have a deep interest in trying to understand other people. I do have the desire to be noticed by others but at the same time, I kinda didn't want to draw too much attention on me. When I'm around people that I'm comfortable with, I won't even bother to hold back my feelings. I love trying to make people happy and I'm always ready to listen to other people's problems, hoping so that I could lessen their worries and burdens. As an empath, I can absorb other people's emotions and put myself in their place - though, it can be overwhelming for me sometimes. I'm also quite affectionate and goofy once I'm comfy with the person.

I'm protective over the people I love and will do anything I can to defend them if things go wrong. While I dislike arguments and conflicts, I won't hesitate to fight someone if they bother the ones I'm close with. I also have a really huge soft spot for children lol. I'm quite adventurous and a curious person by nature. I always try new things for new experiences since I get bored easily. I had to admit that I have the attention span of a goldfish. Also, I'm pretty ambitious but I gotta admit to my laziness. Also also, I'm simultaneously am and not competitive. Honestly, I'm a walking contradiction (I'm literally confused with my own personality sometimes).

My bad qualities would be that I can be too idealistic and I'm also procrastinative. I can be impractical too. There are also times when I let my insecurities overtake my mind and during those times, I will become more distant. I'm also prone to taking things personally and is easily offended. When I'm offended, I'll become very sarcastic (I'll even act all petty if I'm too offended and honestly, it wasn't something that I'm proud of at all). I can be pessimistic too when things are rough and I tend to underestimate myself a lot. I'm also an overthinker and easily distracted. I can lose track of thoughts while I was speaking if I'm too excited about the topic because my brain will go all over the place and become scattered. ^^'

I love expressing myself through art! I'm still in the process of improving my skills for digital paintings tho. My hobbies include drawing, listening to classical music and lo-fi, daydreaming and reading. I'm also really interested in learning languages and psychology. Other than that, I find it fun to learn about other people's beliefs!

What I look for in a partner is someone who is confident, would take the time to really understand me for who I am and someone who is just as adventurous as me! I would love to explore new things and get ourselves lost in a huge city together or something ya know 😂 I thought that it would be so much fun and thrilling to figure things out together while learning new stuff. Other than that, I want them to accept me for who I truly am without any judgement. I'm more than open to making a few changes in my lifestyle in order to improve myself for them, but I really hope they'll be able to do the same thing for me ^^ I really appreciate it when someone's matured, respectful, open-minded and thoughtful. Since I can be really non-confrontational during conflicts, I would also really appreciate it if they have the effort to pull me out from my headspace and talk things out with me and resolve the issue. I also appreciate intelligence and patience in a partner.

Thank you for taking the time to read my description and thank you for the matchup! I'm sorry if it's too long for your liking tho! I really love your blog so keep up the good work ♡

------

Hi!!!

Thank you for sending in a request! awwwwww i’m happy you worked up the courage <3

I hope you like the result! 

I have Simeon, Diavolo, Solomon and Satan on my mind..

Okay so I decided to match you with Solomon!

Here is why: 

So you mention confidence is super important to you so that narrows down the circle to him and Diavolo. Solomon has no issues with being confident and spending time around him would probably boost your own confidence as well. 

Similar to you, Solomon is also someone who keeps quite a lot to himself and it really takes time to get to know him. Both of you being the same in this regard will probably slow things down a bit, but he is good at reading people I believe. (he is probably not on the same level as Satan but he is still really good at it) 

I think he can be quite a bit talkative, but again he does it in a way that you don’t acually get to know much about him, even when he talks a lot. This balances out the relationship well, as one of you is a bit more quiet when the other is more talkative. 

I have a feeling he would be the one to start conversations for a while. You declare yourself an unapproachable but thats ok! in his eyes that just makes you stand out more and he likes that! 

I think he would find it interesting that you are so quiet or only talk when you must, and he would probably ask you about it. like were you not feeling well? but when he learns that you are just more of an observer he would find it adorable. he kind of makes it his secret goal to make you more confident in social settings. however when its just the two of you, he is always eager to hear you out!  

I don’t think he would talk much about his worries or burdens to you even after you two open up more to each other. Definitely not major issues. But he always appreciates that you are there to listen to him in case he wants to talk about something!  Or if he does he does it rather slowly, like always telling only one part of an issue. I think he is rather independent.

Oh, he could tell you a lot about many different stuff to keep you from being bored, so no worries! like witchcraft, magic, and the like

Another reason why I picked him for you is that he is rather realistic, so he could balance out your tendencies to be idealistic. 

He is very quick to catch your changed behaviour and would notice you becoming more distant when your insecurities are taking over. But I don’t think it would make him insecure and question your relationship, like i definitely don’t see him sitting and thinking if you are about to break up or what. Instead he would make time for the two of to be private asap and he would directly ask about you acting differently and if you want to talk about it. 

Another reason why I think he is good for you is that generally he is not offensive? like some of the brothers can be, but I don’t think so it’s true for Solomon. So it’s a safe choice and there wouldn’t be any conflicts about that. 

In case someone else offends you I think he would curse them without you knowing 

Your hobbies are not exactly the same but in a healthy relationship that shouldn’t be an issue right? idk what part of of the human realm he is from but theres a chance he is not from the same country as you, and if that is the case the two of you could teach the other your mother language!

 i have a strong feeling he knows ancient latin. 

I think he is also someone who thrives to know as many stuff as possible. but like he is probably a Faust 

Oh he is very much into adventures! idk where you are at in the story so i don’t want to spoil anything but in canon he is known to have visited all the realms at least once. 

[gemini-system]

If you're a friend or a mutual that cares, please read if you like. Sorry it's a novel long..

TLDR: I have a split personality disorder. Please accept me for who I am. (Though I would really appreciate you reading this)

There's a lot about my battle with mental health that I never told a single soul, despite being an open book pretty much all of the time. There were things even I never told anyone about, or maybe only hinted at, because I either had no name for them and could not explain that, or just plain fear not a single person would believe me, or think that I just wanted attention.

A couple months ago, I met my current boyfriend, and upon opening up cautiously for the second time about these issues, was finally given a name for them, and what I could do to make life easier living with them, and it changed everything. I was originally gonna just drop an explanation in my friends group chat since I haven't talked to them in a long time and wanted to give a life update, but dropping it all just felt like kind of a lot and I still have the anxiety that they won't believe me. So I'm talking here instead (I'll probably link this to them) But I just have to let it all out, and this is my only non-streaming centric account that is not linked back to on any of my videos, so I feel like I can dump it here.

To brass tax:

Starting at the end of middle school, I started developing symptoms of a sister illness to DID (multiple personality disorder). This sister illness is little known about and while it doesn't have a concrete name, some call it Division. Division is when, due to trauma, a set of bottled up emotions, ideas, and anxieties form into a split personality with it's own identity and can manifest in various ways, pretty similar to DID. The thing is with these illnesses, since everyone who has them experiences them differently in their own way, it's hard to know EXACT symptoms. And that, coupled with the fact all my google searches bring up nothing about it, is why I have always feared no one will believe me.

"Why Division? Why not just say you have DID?" I was told, in order to have DID, there must be two separate and distinct personalities from the host. And so I would not qualify because I have only one separate personality. If I am wrong about this, I have no issue with you sending me a polite ask about it, as it would be a lot easier to just say "I have DID" and tell ppl to do their own google search lol.

Fair enough, so why do I have all this anxiety my loved ones won't believe me?

Here is the part where it might get a little cringey to some, but I am an artist and writer, and all my life, art has been the way I express all my feelings and vent things without having to state them outright.

I had always feared being a bad person. From the trauma of the CSA I endured for 2 years, from gaslighting, to my father verbally abusing and threatening me and my mother with physical violence from a young age, I feared being a bad person more than anything else.

Every time I got angry, or talked back, or even just tried to stand up for myself, I feared I was or would become a bad person, and I thought to myself that I just needed to take all of those things I deemed bad, and put them into something or someone else so that I would no longer fear being a bad person. This other thing could be bad so I wouldn't have to "risk hurting people I loved" I had no idea what 'splitting' was or that I was even doing it. And that personality began to form.

As I began to draw more often, my symptoms surfaced simultaneously. "Hearing" thoughts in my head that weren't mine (not really hearing but it's hard to explain), horrible intrusive visions and thoughts, and then finally a little ways down the line swapping with eachother time to time, and another occurrence I call "snapping" where I swap suddenly out of anger or distress and lash out at others or have some kind of meltdown. I learned how to fight and control the swapping, I tried with all my might to make sure no one ever found out I was "crazy". Even my therapists. As for snapping, I couldn't control it, so he mostly came out that way.

I needed to vent through art somehow or I was going to explode. He had named himself, and told me what he looked like, and so I basically started a game of 4D fucking chess and told everyone "this is my new OC haha" and started from there, deciding to take a fan comic I was making, and rework it to put him at the center and make it original. I figured toting him as just a character I created that was important to me was easier than trying to explain or possibly have to prove to people that I had a split personality who was very real, with his own identity. I thought maybe I cold vent without people thinking I was crazy or some kind of special snowflake. 

Looking back it's kind of funny because a lot of my venting was pretty on the nose with hints all over, so I'm surprised if at least one person didn't pick up on it lol. At one time during a breakdown, I even tried to explain that "Jet is mean and starting to scare me" and then realized my friends confusion as they reassured me he was a fictional character I made up. Which totally wasn't their fault because I totally dug that hole myself. I just felt a compulsive need to hide everything I was really going through.

For those who know about the character Jet, you may be a bit concerned because he is written to be a serial killer, but from years of writing development, Let me tell you, he is very overwritten and the Jet from the story is pretty different now from the "real" Jet in my head. If he wanted to actually end someone he would have done it by now and landed my ass in prison. He's mostly just a bully and goblin.

This post is already years long, so I won't bore you with our life story, especially if you think I'm making it all up. So here's my conclusion.

I hope you believe me, and accept me for who I am. This is the full and honest truth, and is a huge part of me that I just don't want to hide anymore. I want to be able to talk about my experience without sugar coating and leaving out information. I like being an open book, and this secret has been killing me. It took a lot of courage to type this all out to the world. I wouldn't mind telling you about our life together, what he's really like, and all the things I've learned from this strange, stressful, and sometimes wonderful journey.

If you don't believe me, that's fine. You can call me a liar, or say I'm delusional, or leave me. I'll never talk about it to you again, and I can just keep hiding it around you. I truly hope you realize that this is my truth.

Thank you for your time.

[thirstyforbishiesimagines]

I say Lawrence don't get enough love! So, could I request a tiny switch from a normal DF fanfiction? Instead of something common happening like Lawrence getting jealous of the other guys with the reader, could the READER be jealous? Maybe he's spending too much time working and is accidentally neglecting the MC? (Jealous cuz he's spending more time with work lol) Or maybe Scarlet trying to flirt with him just to piss the reader off cause she knows she likes him? Sorry if this is too much '^^

Orrr, how bout both?! 😉 Hahaha @ancientnile, Sorry this took so long to release! Hope this scenario is still in your interests! Enjoyyy~

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Broken Promises - Lawrence x Reader

* image from LucyDreams, Dangerous Fellows

Word Count: 2,654

General / Fluff

Warning: Minor Profanity

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.

Stretching your arms out above you, you relieve your body from the aches paining your stiff shoulders as you wait patiently upon a desk.

Finally… Lawrence should be done with his patrol now.

It had been a while since the last time you spoke with Lawrence and you had been waiting eagerly for the next available moment you’d be able to spend with him. Hopping down excitedly, you make your way towards the Principal’s office with an undeniable spring in your step. As you reach out towards the handle, the door suddenly swings open; causing you to jolt in response.

Standing before you is the tall, chestnut haired male staring down at your flustered expression. His smile was as charming as always, but underneath you could tell that he was quite amused at your reaction to his presence. You feel your blood rising to the surface of your cheeks as your met with your crush’s unwavering attention.

“Evening (Y/N), I was just about to head out.”

“Oh! Am I late?”

I’m sure I didn’t get the time wrong…

Lawrence raises an eyebrow in confusion and an awkward silence lingers before he finally recalled his prior arrangements with you.

“Ah right… I’m sorry (Y/N), something came up. Another time?”

Again?

“Oh…” Was all you were able to manage as your excitement dissipates; unable to hide the clear disappointment of being turned down once more.

Noticing your change in demeanour, Lawrence reaches out toward you. Your (e/c) eyes flutter to a close, anticipating the gentle warmth of his thumb caressing your cool skin as he cups your cheek – a habit of his you came to notice, occurring only when he was struck with guilt. Unfortunately, before you were able to indulge in his touch, a high-pitched voice sings out through the hallway.

“Laaawreeence~”

Your eyes snap open to witness Scarlett sauntering over towards the both of you as Lawrence regretfully withdraws his hand back.

“Looks like I must leave now.” Closing the door behind him, he steps past you while simultaneously sliding his jacket on.

Your heart drops.

“But… you promised you’d definitely be free by 6pm today…”

You had been looking forward to this day since he first suggested that you required basic training in first aid. He offered to personally teach you and obviously, you agreed. Although, you were mainly ecstatic about simply having the chance to spend some quality time with the man you had fallen in love with.

A laugh rings out from your side, “Yeah, free for me,” Scarlett scoffs proudly. “Shall we head off now, Lawrence?”

He nods toward the smug blonde before turning back to you, “Sorry, we’ll talk soon okay?”

Without a chance to respond, he strides off; patting your head apologetically on his way out and leaving you by the doorway. Alone, and feeling somewhat… betrayed.

You promised…

.

‘Soon’, wasn’t soon enough.

Day after day, there never seemed to be a chance to speak with Lawrence alone as he was often engaging in deep conversations with the others or rushing off to his next task. You knew that having the role of a leader was a strenuous and demanding responsibility, but at this point, it all seemed ridiculous.

Just how busy could he be, that I can’t even get ONE minute alone with him?!

As if right on cue, your attention is then caught by a tall, dark silhouette passing the window of your classroom door; the fur hood of his jacket giving away his identity.

Speak of the devil.

Rushing to slide the door open, you chase him down.

“Lawrence!” You call out; panting as you struggle to keep up with his fast strides.

Seemingly aware of your presence, he doesn’t turn back; instead, continuing to walk but noticeably slowing his pace for you.

“Sorry (Y/N), not right now. I need to meet with Scarlett.”

Your steps come to a halt for a moment before continuing after him. Hearing her name in the gorgeous tones of his voice began to make your blood boil. The one person who caused you constant stress and grief… Out of all people, why her?

How was she able to easily have him to herself at any given moment, yet I literally have to chase after him for a few seconds of his time?

It was all starting to seem oddly suspicious and unfair, leading you to come up with only one possible conclusion as to why everyone else was able to spend time with him… except you.

Reaching out to grab the end of his sleeve, he turns around in curiosity; finally stopping in his tracks.

“Are you… avoiding me?”

Your voice was weak, and your fingers trembled as it grips his jacket, not wanting to let him go. You didn’t know how or for what reason as to why he’d feel the need to, but his constant rejection began to make you feel self-conscious and vulnerable – unwanted.

Did I do something? Did he find me annoying?

I thought… I thought there might have been some kind of ‘spark’ between us…

Was I mistaken? Have I been reading him wrong all this time?

A tender squeeze envelops your quivering hand, “Trust me, (Y/N). Things really have been very busy as of late.”

You eye him questionably, not wanting to fall prey to his excuses yet again. He chuckles lightly at your hesitation, reaching out to grab the ends of your hair and twirling them around his fingers nonchalantly before letting go and smiling warmly – a subtle hint of playfulness dancing within his irises.

“I promise, this time I truly will make some time for you.”

“You said that last time…” You grumble under your breath, the growing amount of broken promises leaving him with a bad track record.

Finding amusement in your sulking manner, his mouth curls up into a sly smirk before bringing your hand up towards his lips and kissing your knuckles delicately.

“This time for sure, cross my heart.”

Face flushing crimson, your eyebrows furrow as you fight against giving in to his charms. His hand then raises toward your face, cupping your cheek as he caresses your skin; the gesture, all too familiar to you.

…He feels guilty.

Expression softening, you sigh in defeat; deciding to place your trust in him once more.

Argh! I’m going to regret this…

“Fine.”

Pleased with your reply, his gaze remains on you a little while longer; his caresses now slow and full of love. It was moments like these that made you question his true feelings for you.

When you do things like this… what exactly am I meant to think, Lawrence?

…What am I to you?

He then leans in and your breath hitches as you realise the closeness of his lips to yours. He pauses for a moment before moving to the side of your face. His breath hot against your skin as he whispers enticingly into your ear, “Until then…”

Paralysed with shock from his sudden forwardness; you simply watch as he heads off, leaving you behind as a complete and utter mess.

.

Time no longer seemed to consume you as you await the moment you would finally be able to spend with Lawrence, the tone in his parting words keeping your heart aflutter.

Burying your reddened face within your palms, you hide your giddy grin from the others scattered around you – all waiting for Lawrence to arrive for tonight’s meeting. Your little moment of glee ends as soon as it began and a sickeningly sweet scent of perfume wafts toward you, overwhelming your sense of smell. Lamenting internally, you slowly lift your head up and unsurprisingly see Scarlett sitting before you. Smoothing down and fiddling with the ends of her perfectly waved hair, she sighs dramatically.

“(Y/N), what should I do? Do you think that Lawrence has a thing for me?!” She smiles deviously, obviously trying to get a rise out of you.

“Why are you asking me? Go and ask him yourself.” Not wanting to waste your time on her petty games, you stand; hoping to escape and sit elsewhere.

Grabbing both your shoulders, she pushes you back down onto your seat forcefully; overlooking your irritated glare. “Well… you guys are pretty close you know, as friends. So, I thought that maybe he would’ve said something, since like… friends usually talk about things like this to each other.”

I swear… If she emphasises “friend” one more time!

“Oh wait! That’s right, what am I thinking? You haven’t had much time to talk lately, since he was choosing to spend that time alone with me.” She taunts arrogantly.

You know that she was trying to rile you up, to make you crumble. You know that, but… she wasn’t exactly lying either. He had been incessantly turning you down, while also making time for Scarlett instead. Staying silent, you simply try to ignore her; hoping she was now satisfied enough to leave you be.

She wasn’t.

“I mean… I’m honoured but, he knows I’m loyal to-”

“No one caaaares.” The aggravated voice of a certain crimson-haired male interrupts her.

Scarlett turns toward him, thrilled to have caught his attention. “No need to be jealous Zion, I’d never betray you.”

Zion groans in annoyance, clearly exhausted from her unshakeable clingy nature.

Turning back to face you, she leans in close; eyes narrowing into slits of malice. “Anyways, you shouldn’t get your sad little hopes up, since he mentioned that you guys were only friends.”

That’s it.

You rose from your seat, anger seething through your veins. You weren’t sure what you were going to do exactly, but all you knew was that you needed to wipe that conniving grin off her pretty little face.

“What’s going on here?”

Lawrence’s voice interjects, halting you. You stare down at Scarlett; praying that she’d drop the subject and stay quiet.

“Oh Lawrence! Perfect timing! Didn’t you tell me yesterday that (Y/N) was just a friend to you?” Scarlett beams, feeling triumphant.

Turning to face him, you observe Lawrence standing by the doorway, his body language evident with hesitation. His prolonged silence only seemed to confirm Scarlett’s words. Overcome with disappointment, you rush out of the room; disregarding Lawrence’s calls for you to wait.

Sighing heavily, Lawrence tries to go after you; however, a firm hold clings onto his arm.

“Forget about her Lawrence, you can do so much better than that ­­­dumb whore. Maybe now, she’ll finally leave the school for good.”

Lawrence’s face darkens, eyes burning with an intense hatred as he glares down dangerously at the blonde.

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Scarlett’s grasp loosens immediately before staggering back in fear; never having witnessed such a murderous aura emanating from the supposed gentle leader.

Without another word, Lawrence hurries out the door – finally catching up to you at the end of the hallway.

“Wait!”

The scene gives you a sense of déjà vu as Lawrence chases after you. You then quicken your pace, “I’m tired of waiting Lawrence…”

Looks like the tables have turned. Doesn’t feel too great does it, Lawrence?

“Just… Hear me out first.”

“Why?! So you can make up some more excuses as to why you keep blowing me off… for her?!”

Seeing that you had no intentions of stopping, Lawrence grabs hold of your hand and pulls you toward him; wrapping his arms around your waist and securely pinning your body against his.

“It’s not like that. Seeing her was just another part of my job. It was all work, trust me.”

“Right, ‘work’ that required you guys to be alone together constantly. Okay, sure.” You roll your eyes sarcastically, trying your hardest to free yourself from his firm embrace.

“We weren’t alone. Ethan had been assisting me with teaching her combat.”

“But she said-”

“You really trust her words, over mine?”

“I don’t know who to trust anymore Lawrence, you haven’t exactly lived up to your promises.”

He exhales deeply as his eyebrows furrow; clearly hurt from allowing your beliefs in him to deteriorate this far.

“Look, in all honesty, she’s completely useless… I thought maybe teaching her basic combat would at least add some worth to her. That’s it.”

Okay, ouch. Never thought there’d come a day when I’d feel even a tiny bit of pity for Scarlett.

Staring directly into his eyes, you searched for any indication of dishonesty; finding nothing but the warmth and affection that he displayed through his honey-coloured irises. It was the look you had so much faith in, the look that made you feel as if you had a chance in the first place.

But there was still one other thing that bothered you.

“Then what was all that nonsense about back there? You told her we were just ‘friends’?”

Completely expressionless, he slowly raises an eyebrow, “But… aren’t we?”

Not knowing how else to respond, your head drops; shaking it slowly in regret.

Why did I even bother? I’m such an idiot… Of course we were.

It’s just, hearing him say it so indifferently was… heartbreaking.

Unwilling to inflict yourself with any more disappointment and heartache; you attempt to leave once more, but his locked arms keep you in place.

Confused and frustrated, you look back up at him. “Why exactly did you come after me Lawrence?”

“To explain myself, and… to put an end to this friendship of ours.” His tone was downright serious, causing your heart to sink into the pit of your stomach.

Not expecting such cruel intentions behind his pursuit, you begin to stutter from shock. “W-what?”

Releasing his firm hold on you; his hand reaches up to lovingly tuck away the loose strands of hair that had fallen toward your face, the other staying intimately wrapped around your waist.

“Whatever this is, I want to end it…” He pauses for a little while before breaking his façade with a mischievous smirk, “and start a relationship that’s a little more… interesting.”

Blushing profusely, you stand frozen in silence. Your mind, scrambling to comprehend Lawrence’s low, seductive voice as he confesses his desires.

“I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, and for causing you to feel jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous!” You retaliate peevishly.

He says nothing. His knowing smile being enough proof for you to abandon your pride and admit that his words had struck a nerve in you.

“Okay fine… Maybe I was a little jealous.” You pout grumpily in defeat.

He laughs softly at your adorable form before lightly guiding your chin upwards. “I’m glad… Because now I know, that I can finally do this.”

Leaning forward, he places a gentle kiss upon you. The sweet moment was everything you had hoped for and more. Melting into his touch, you begin to feel lightheaded and weak to your knees. However, not wanting to let him off so easy, you pull away reluctantly – deciding to set a promise he’d be foolish to even consider breaking.

“From now on, whenever you’re too busy with work, you owe me at least two kisses for keeping me waiting!”

Eyes wide with disbelief, he chuckles at your surprisingly innocent bargain. “That doesn’t seem like much of a punishment…”

“It wasn’t meant to be.” You giggle light-heartedly.

“Well then… as a reward for being so patient…” Lawrence presses you against the wall vehemently, allowing you to feel the contours of his lean, yet toned body.

“Just know, that this is what will be waiting for you when I’m done.”

He then crashes his lips onto yours passionately, full of longing and desire. Deepening the kiss, you wrap your arms around his neck hurriedly. His hands come up to tangle within your silky (h/c) tresses; the skilful movements of his tongue intoxicating your senses as you sigh into him with content.

The idea of waiting didn’t seem all too bad for you anymore. In fact, you might even prefer it.

For good things come, to those who wait.

.

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x mod luna

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.

lol what

I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass

also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go

IIDA ANGST

Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida

meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”

“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still

“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT

yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue

okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol

LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL

“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then

oh, ouch

he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan

by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree

and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez

anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol

OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??

FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent

so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient

mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!

FUCK YEAH

okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?

in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no

oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!

poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol

omg. well that answers that

so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own

BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible

(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.

and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “奪う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)

by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol

WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI

YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR

okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward

dskfjfkk

“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”

actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol

(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)

whoa lol wtf

MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT

-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK

“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao

and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices

poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg

“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS

FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU

THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami

okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces

um excuse me this is fucking awesome

wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk

TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY

WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE

and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji

KAMINARI OMFG

it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice

aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself

do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude

oh shit the mask!!

-- oh shit the feels

o(TヘTo)

fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...

and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance

(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.

incidentally, as @class1akids​ pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)

anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!

“OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal

p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked

ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last

okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago

but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once

and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama

and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

gotspoons: [A chatroom/forum situation for teens with invisible illnesses/disabilities, a resource that is recommended when you can't go to IRL groups for your health/they aren't in your area etc] gotspoons: Ticked one whole thing off my to-do list today, feeling like a champ 💪 also feeling like a 2-hour long nap, who here relates? 🥱 tigerbalm: 🖐 took my nap earlier & yet 😴💤 brainpain: 💕🛏 brainpain: long lasting relationship with my memory foam mattress gotspoons: There is NO limit on the number of naps necessary to make it through the day tigerbalm: or the number of abandoned to-do lists, what was your 1 thing? gotspoons: 🚿 looks like breakfast will have to wait tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: @brainpain I have so many memory foam pillows in every room of my house I'm basically a shareholder 🙌 brainpain: @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously same but I've got my fave, I call him Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👏🙏 thank you for your service, Edgar tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: must name mine, only named the chariot 🦼 Charlton gotspoons: [ihatemyguts has entered the chat] gotspoons: A newbie, welcome! tigerbalm: 👋 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: love the username, what ails ya? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: because this is the only place it's acceptable to ask 'what's WRONG with you?' but not the only place you encounter it, right brainpain: but you don't have to answer cos it's also somewhere where you're encouraged to 'express yourself' translation: be an arsehole if you want brainpain: if you don't go hardcore enough to get blocked brainpain: @fibrofog LMAO tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: the normies get to be rude as their default, and it is NOT encouraged to hit people with your cane, let me tell you ihatemyguts: Hi, everyone ihatemyguts: I'll do my best not to be an arsehole, even if my problem only lie directly above said orifice, which makes it a struggle not to be at times ihatemyguts: UC, first flare totally fucked over the family holiday 😬 sorry to that hotel toilet and my long-suffering parents and brother brainpain: newbie got jokes AND comedy timing ihatemyguts: 🚽 humour isn't all I have, I swear, though my life now does revolve entirely around the porcelain throne so it's no surprise I'm anally expulsive, thanks to Freud for that read tigerbalm: Freud's the perv, am I right? ihatemyguts: Totally ihatemyguts: and a big believer in the cocaine cure-all, which my Doctor just wasn't going for, shame tigerbalm: sounds like my sleazy uncle in every way tigerbalm: why does everybody get one? gotspoons: 😂 This chat is worth keeping my eyes open for gotspoons: every family is a play, and we're destined to be the 'sick kid' part gotspoons: other players react accordingly, from the 'can't look at you without crying' to the 'thinks you're making it up for some reason' brainpain: I vote we all go off script like @fibrofog 🤬🚨👿❗️ ihatemyguts: I guess I'm lucky in the sense that if anyone doubts the legitimacy of my illness, I can offer to show them the contents of my stomach/toilet bowl ihatemyguts: that shuts them up relatively fast, not had to go full 🐒 and throw it at anyone yet ihatemyguts: though I'm intrigued by the infamous @fibrofog, who are they, where, and why the infamy? Fill a girl in brainpain: the myth, the legend brainpain: so angry cos I turned 'em down for a romantic rendezvous ihatemyguts: No way! ihatemyguts: I'm glad that napping isn't the only action the memory foam is getting ihatemyguts: we're just like any other teens, right guys? 💁 tigerbalm: @brainpain you know the rules, fedora pics or it didn't happen! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you know what they say about disabled chicks, grateful 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: #dontkillmeladies #iamnotasleazyuncle tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't think Mr. Fog was even a legit 🥄 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: total predator tigerbalm: if it was my uncle I'm SO sorry 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: family who piggyback are THE worst tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: no, MY disability doesn't make YOU automatically WOKE for not drowning me in the tub or throwing me off the nearest high place I can access ihatemyguts: Honestly, I've never felt as simultaneously popular and unpopular in my life ihatemyguts: people 💬 a big acceptance game on the socials ihatemyguts: but no one wants to actually hang with the girl who can't eat shit and will spend half her time in the 🚽 gotspoons: Everyone's supportive until your disability gets in the way of THEIR perfect life even slightly gotspoons: imagine if they were one of us 👽 brainpain: speak for yourselves, my slurred speech makes me a hit with all my hard partying peers brainpain: get weird without a 🍹 ihatemyguts: hey man, don't let us drag you down 😎 ihatemyguts: if @fibrofog was feeling you, you're WAY too cool for this chat right now brainpain: never have, never will, baby 😉 brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] gotspoons: OH MY GOD, that's a whole different story...my parents = you need to socialize more, live life! my parents = I don't know if this group is good for you, we think you're being encouraged to display and give in to even more problems gotspoons: thanks guys, you're literally making me more disabled with your disabledness 😂 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is a cult, well-known fact, leave your productiveness to society at the door and let's all lie here and feel sorry for ourselves, doesn't that sound like fun, kids? 😈 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and 👋 sup, inandout, not seen you in a while tigerbalm: my parents act like y'all are catching too! Would you like to cage me like a legit 🐅 or? inandout: baited breath inandout: out living that life like @gotspoons parents want tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It'll be the Olympics next tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🥇 Hero status with the normies, inspirational, dude inandout: if it'll make adults I've never met proud of me ihatemyguts: I can't believe I've not checked if I'm disabled enough for the paras, oh my God ihatemyguts: are there enough of us for a basketball team? brainpain: if ONLY my former lover were here brainpain: he's gotta be so tall ihatemyguts: Pining for @fibrofog is productive, yeah? ihatemyguts: can pine from my throne just fine brainpain: hands off newbie! I will throw mine brainpain: LOL imagine gotspoons: This group has always had a bias towards too many girls gotspoons: it's almost as if even disabled boys don't wanna talk about their feelings gotspoons: what say you @tooexhaustedtolivevicariously and @inandout? 🤔🤴🤴 inandout: I'd bring friends but you know us CF kids aren't allowed to congregate inandout: and what could I possibly have in common with someone who doesn't share my disease ihatemyguts: So, what is the deal with that, are some of us catching? ihatemyguts: 🐅 parents might have legit concerns inandout: cross infectious but only if you've got what's got me inandout: none of you do so you'll need another reason to turn down hanging out in person tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: my fedora is in the wash? inandout: Fibro could easily say it's my jewishness brainpain: but it's your hunkiness, babe 💪😉 inandout: I'd whistle back at you, Lauren but.... inandout: let's just say you leave me breathless tigerbalm: No names, Zach tigerbalm: it's like a rule ihatemyguts: uh-oh ihatemyguts: if you had a name, Tiger, in theory, like ihatemyguts: 🧐 tigerbalm: Robyn ihatemyguts: Pretty, you others may as well just come out with it now ihatemyguts: even if I'm a massive perv with mad hacking and tracking skills, I pinky promise I won't be able to find you from your given name alone brainpain: give us yours, newbie ihatemyguts: I will, but you'll think I'm giving you a fake one ihatemyguts: it's the gift and curse bestowed upon me at birth, along with potentially dodgy genetics brainpain: your life is 💩 brainpain: but still ihatemyguts: Zelda ihatemyguts: a reference I'm sure you won't get, 'cos you're so 😎 brainpain: I game, the stream was fibros fave hunting ground brainpain: no 💩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Turns out being a nerd is way easy from the relative (barely but beats death, yeah?) comfort of the memory foam tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and Rich 👍 only in name, destitute until my next pittance comes in tigerbalm: she's not supposed to 🎮 -headaches -dizziness -light & sound sensitivity but she's a REBEL brainpain: 👌 MOM maybe I'd love a seizure, what do you know? ihatemyguts: I respect it ihatemyguts: gonna be fondly reminiscing over all those dirty, evil trigger foods when they're resecting my bowel 🖕🚔 brainpain: I had a life before I had a TBI, no offense to 👶 Zach inandout: none taken gotspoons: You're all being bad and I cannot support it 🤐😜 gotspoons: and I'm Rosie, I will just 😴 out on you all the time and yes, it's a fantastic excuse for when you don't wanna respond ihatemyguts: I'll commit all of those to memory in a normal, non-creepy manner ihatemyguts: but whilst I'm allowed to be a n00b, what do you all do for school? brainpain: I was nearly done before 🤯 which got me my pity pass ihatemyguts: pity with a point, at least, alright tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm waiting to start uni, absolutely no thanks to my school and their totally ableist refusal to make reasonable adjustments for accessibility tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but fedora or not, I can be a real arsehole, a loud, persistent one at that tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: take my applause now brainpain: 😍 brainpain: take my 💘 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: as long as it's not heavy, m'lady brainpain: you could 💔 brainpain: hold the pieces tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 🧠 just isn't poetic enough brainpain: you know me gotspoons: you guys are so cute 🥰 and your broken brain is beautiful, Lauren gotspoons: me though, I'm barely struggling through school still, so many sick days, so much catching up to do 🥱 just thinking about it and therein lies the problem tigerbalm: my parents are trying to get online classes set up but my headteacher is like a million years old inandout: is he a demon? inandout: that was some scary fiction brainpain: or was it? brainpain: cue up those sound effects tigerbalm: if we're gonna talk about hypnosis, I'm out ihatemyguts: that was some serious creepy uncle vibes ihatemyguts: why did he need that level of control ihatemyguts: 🐘 in the room tigerbalm: I have a hippie cousin too, alternative therapy talk is so triggering ihatemyguts: I need a memoir re. your family sitch immediately 😂 ihatemyguts: you get the food purists coming @ me as if I just eat the right thing I'd be 'cured' tigerbalm: I'm working on a screenplay but I've never written a script before, I did find an online class for that easily though ihatemyguts: that's actually 😎 ihatemyguts: soz, Lauren brainpain: she's our lil busy 🐝 brainpain: step your game up, Zachary brainpain: supposed to be you, bro inandout: let Robbie have it, she has more sick days to fill up ihatemyguts: always have your 🥇 inandout: I can pin it on like a star when I got to school with the masses inandout: let them know I'm not what normal looks like ihatemyguts: only the others like you need to have the scoop on that though ihatemyguts: really fucks with the segregation in a big way inandout: “I feel like someone breathed new air into my lungs. I am not Abnegation. I am not Dauntless. I am Divergent.” ihatemyguts: Tattoo idea inandout: if I make it to 18, I'll do it ihatemyguts: how long you given yourself there? inandout: I turned 14 in may, the party was a full blown rager inandout: 🏥🎂 ihatemyguts: you like ruining events too? ihatemyguts: what a coincidence, don't just do family holidays inandout: if I can't blow up 🎈 nobody can ihatemyguts: 🥳 smug bastard inandout: I find that party blower offensive inandout: Rosie! That's a strike for the new girl ihatemyguts: Come to me when it's as culturally iconic as 💩 ihatemyguts: my next (first) tattoo right there inandout: how long are you waiting for that masterpiece? ihatemyguts: was 14 in March ihatemyguts: if we both make it, it's a date inandout: cool inandout: way I'm going that'll be my first one brainpain: now I feel like a pervy OLD uncle brainpain: thank you 👶s ihatemyguts: Lemme guess? ihatemyguts: I'm thinking 19 brainpain: spooky brainpain: I'm an Aquarius if anyone cares ihatemyguts: our 🌟s aligning might be too close to alternative for comfort tigerbalm: I'm a cancer, which is awkward tigerbalm: not my diagnosis ihatemyguts: at least it's memorable ihatemyguts: literally tacked on at the end, who's remembering 🎣 tigerbalm: I hope my 16th will be, for the right reasons tigerbalm: I've still got 5 months left to plan ihatemyguts: 🤞🤞🤞 tigerbalm: I'll add your name, the others know they're all invited ihatemyguts: that's so nice ihatemyguts: considering this introduction has given away nothing if not I am a terrible guest brainpain: another chat about online safety, Robyn, REALLY? 😏 brainpain: did my failed romance teach you nothing? ihatemyguts: if that isn't a challenge to send a photo and make you feel really weird ihatemyguts: why are we anon anyway, to stop us uprising? ihatemyguts: metaphorically if not literally, no offense xoxo brainpain: f it brainpain: I need you all to sign up to my stream to pay my bills anyways brainpain: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: @fibrofog, I get it brainpain: don't flock to tell me how sexy I am, that'd make it weird brainpain: plus, I know tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I picked an awkward time to check back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie falls asleep and anarchy reigns? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'm proud brainpain: 💔 YOU haven't showered me with compliments, but hey tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: if I made it that easy you'd never be 💘 brainpain: 😩 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: to save any of the rest of you following such a hard act tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: [pic] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's old but still a rough estimation of what I look like on a good day brainpain: 😍 brainpain: You're up, girl Z ihatemyguts: if you're all good looking though, I'm so mad ihatemyguts: [a selfie] ihatemyguts: 💩 inandout: I'm not good looking, I'll go next inandout: besides, Robbie would never bow to peer pressure and Rosie is out for the count inandout: [a selfie] tigerbalm: I am 🙀 tigerbalm: but everyone else has tigerbalm: [the shyest selfie of all time] ihatemyguts: 😻😻😻 ihatemyguts: seriously ihatemyguts: representation done us dirty on so many levels now ihatemyguts: when we're not invisible, why we not so gorgeous tigerbalm: there should be a blushing 😸 tigerbalm: that's the representation I need ihatemyguts: Call me out all you need but I was convinced this whole thing would be a lot more tragic than it has been inandout: tragic Tuesdays are a thing brainpain: no they are f-ing not brainpain: Zachary, just cos the new girl's in your age bracket + shares your 1st initial brainpain: she is not corruptible to you inandout: check us on our date, Lauren inandout: but watch your profanity brainpain: watch me give you a DIY lung transplant gotspoons: Excuse me gotspoons: what is going on here brainpain: nothing babe, it's all a dream gotspoons: 😖 gotspoons: if it was, none of you would be here gotspoons: sorry to say brainpain: we love you too brainpain: hit us with that sleepy selfie gotspoons: You know we aren't meant to give out personal info in the public forum gotspoons: if you choose to privately, that's okay though gotspoons: also I don't look any better for my shower now 🥴🤫 brainpain: you're a hottie gotspoons: 😘 gotspoons: well, my blog IS going to be featured on [insert disability awareness news moment] next month, so it isn't as if you couldn't find 🖼 if you really wanted gotspoons: [photo] tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Congrats, Ro tigerbalm: a genuine 👏👏👏 tigerbalm: I love your blog gotspoons: Ty, ty 🙇 gotspoons: it's the same as my username, if you wanna check it out, newbie 😄 brainpain: but have you been on the news for being the victim of a violent crime? 😏 just me LOL inandout: Lauren's trading on her fame again inandout: let Rosie have her moment ihatemyguts: pass along all relevant info and I'll 🤓 right up brainpain: @inandout 🍒😃💩👅 brainpain: enjoy the profanity, bro inandout: today's highlight tigerbalm: Zelda could take offence at that, Zach tigerbalm: I think it was nice to meet her ihatemyguts: Not at all ihatemyguts: though it's cultural appropriation to use that emoji without my permission, I'll let it slide 😉 ihatemyguts: nice meeting you all too tigerbalm: I really am gonna have to tell you about my family now ihatemyguts: All I wanted, tbh tigerbalm: everyone else knows this but my parents are white Americans & they adopted me and my brothers who are Native and African American respectively tigerbalm: & you saw me, the Korean girl so ihatemyguts: Ohh tigerbalm: it sounds like a show that should air on ABC family, right? tigerbalm: hella awkward ihatemyguts: I'm brainstorming (p. sure we're not meant to say that, soz) titles rn ihatemyguts: inappropriate question alert, verbal smackdowns appreciated if needed ihatemyguts: did they adopt you knowing you were disabled or is that a new development? tigerbalm: I was gonna call it building bridges but we can't really say that the USA has wronged Korea like the other nations tigerbalm: though they did adopt me knowing so maybe it still works 😄 ihatemyguts: it's got legs tigerbalm: 🦿 ihatemyguts: Ugh, must dash ihatemyguts: 🩸💉s tigerbalm: best of luck ihatemyguts: 💕 total pro by now 💪 brainpain: if I don't 👀 you on my stream I'll 🔎 you here in the forums inandout: a threatening goodbye inandout: can't compete tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👋 Hope to see you back here, Zelda tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: though you wouldn't be the first person to 👻 after dropping in, so no pressure, @Lauren gotspoons: but actually, we're always here, some of us more than others, but you'll always find someone to chat to about the things you can't with non-spoonies ihatemyguts: ✌

[anothers-trash-my-treasure]

Bittersweet - Chapter Three

I’m always uploading these chapters at like 1 AM but I did this instead of studying. Inspired by my own hangover (this shit lasted two days I swear, don’t drink kids). Enjoy this one!

Pairing: Merriell Shelton / Reader (femme)

Warnings: I don’t think soooooooo, lemme know if I should change this.

Word Count: 2797 

Tag List: @elliotmercury​ @r-ahh-mi​ @the-almond-dinger​ @ahkmenrami1205​ @itsme690​ @xoa-lex​ 

Let me know if you want to be tagged or if I forgot to tag anyone I’m sorry, I have a bad memory, just remind me and I’ll actually write it down lol.

I close the door behind me with a heavy sigh. The disappointment sits heavy on my shoulders at the way Merriell and I’s perfect day came to an end. A million questions circle my head but I don’t get more than a few seconds to contemplate them before Chloe is breathing down my neck about it.

“So?” she asks excitedly, “tell me everything.”

I kick my shoes off and hang up my jacket before turning to look at her. My disappointment must show on my face because the expression on her face quickly changed from one of excitement to one of confusion and concern.

“What happened?” She asks, reaching to pull me down onto the couch with her, “Do I need to fight him? You know I will.”

I smile weakly at her attempt to cheer me up before I shake my head, “I...don’t really know what happened?” I start, letting the confusion from how Merriell acted outside bleed into my voice, “We had such a nice day, and we were flirting and just having such a good time...” I trail off, sighing heavily as I relive the moment in my head, “But then we were standing at the car, saying goodnight and he had his hands on my waist and I was so sure he was going to kiss me...”

“And he didn’t?” Chloe asked, a little incredulously.

I nod, “He didn’t.” I confirm solemnly.

We sit in silence for a moment, while she processes my tragic short story before her hands find mine, holding them in a tight grip.

“Well, fuck that guy.” she says simply, “I picked up a few bottles of wine today? Wanna get drunk and order pizza?”

“God yes.” I reply immediately,  “You know me so well.”

~

Through a haze of half drunk / half asleep fog, I hear a loud pounding at the door. I groan, rolling over and pushing my head into my pillow, not quite ready to wake up and face my headache and hangover yet. There’s no way I can walk all the way to the door to get it. The knocking continues but sleep tugs me back under, even as I hear Chloe stumble out of her room to answer. I hear voices but my brain doesn’t register anything more. A voice yelling my name threatens to drag me out, but I just bury myself deeper under my covers. I get a few more minutes of trying to block out the words before the covers are yanked off of me.

“Hey!” I exclaim, wincing at how shot my voice is and looking as Chloe glares down at me.

“You have a visitor.” she grumbles, “I’m going back to bed.”

I drag myself out of bed, and my hangover begins to really hit me. My mouth dry, eyes burning and head throbbing from the sunlight. A heavy pit of nausea sits at the bottom of my stomach and the world spins as I move. I go to leave my room, confused and disoriented. Who the hell could be wanting to visit me? I wrack my brain for answers and sure enough, as soon as I walk out into the living room them all come back.

“Fuck it.” I slur, downing the rest of my wine, “I’m gonna call him.”

Chloe squeals excitedly as I pull out my phone, “Yesssss bitch!” She yells, holding up her own wine glass high above her head, “Put the asshole on blast!”

I sift through my contacts and without hesitating press the call button next to a blurry string of letters that resembles the thoughts I’ve had all night. I press my phone to my ear, grabbing the bottle of wine and instead of pouring another glass, I start drinking out the bottle. Chloe laughs, loudly, brightly, and it’s so much I hardly register a clicking on the other line.

“Y/n?” His voice comes, and it’s sleepy and adorable and I simultaneously swoon and feel my anger rise at the same time. Fuck him for being so goddamn perfect, “is everthin’ alright?”

“Hello, Merriell.” I say confidently, getting up and walking around the couch as I speak, Chloe's drunken encouragement spurring me on, “Everything is fine, I just have a single question for you-” I pause bringing the wine bottle up to my lips, “Actually, you know what isn’t fine?” I ask, becoming sidetracked by a new train of thought, “How we left things this evening.”

I hear his amused ‘oh?’ come from the other end and I continue, words slurring.

“In fact, that, my dear boy, is where my question comes from.” I pause for dramatic effect, waiting for him to acknowledge my words before continuing, “Why, in the holy everloving hell, did you not kiss me?”

I groan loudly when I see him sitting on the couch. I cover my face with my hands, embarrassment flooding my body like a wave of heat. I hear his chuckle at my bemusement and suddenly his presence along with the effects of my wine-induced hangover are way too much for me to handle. The world is spinning and I make my way over to the couch on unsteady legs before throwing myself down onto it face first. Before I can bring myself to start apologizing, he speaks.

“How’re ya feelin’?” He asks, and although there’s amusement in his voice, there’s an undertone of something...else?

“Like shit,” I say into the couch, not wanting to look up at him just yet. The last thing I want to see is the pity and uncomfort on his face, “I really, really, really hate myself right now.”

“Aweh, c’mon. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with getting a little too drunk every now n’ again.” He says, almost reassuringly.

It’s silent for a few moments as I feel sorry for myself. Merriell sits, and he squirms and I can tell he’s uncomfortable being here. And then a question crosses my mind and I raise my head to look at him.

“Wait, why are you here?” I ask. He meets my eyes and raises an eyebrow, asking a silent question of ‘seriously?’. “Enlighten me, I remember making a fool of myself but not all the details.” My voice is almost bitter, the pounding in my head eating away at my patience.

He clears his throat, looking away from me, running a hand over his face before meeting my eyes again. “You-uh,” He pauses, his knee is jerking nervously and he wipes his hands on his pants, “You told me ya wanted to talk to me.” he starts, “And when I said I was listening, ya made me promise to stop by in the morning before I went to work.” He trails off before holding out his arms in a kind of ‘so what’ movement, “So here I am.”

I groan again, “Fuck, Merriell, I am so sorry.” I say, hand coming up to rub at my face, grateful that I had taken my makeup off before getting too drunk, “I don’t even remember what I would have wanted to talk to you about.”

My body protests as I pull myself into a sitting position, very aware of the fact that I’m only in sleep shorts and a t-shirt. I look at him properly, trying to gauge his emotion. He looks different from the first two times I’ve seen him. He’s lost his cool composure, fiddling with a loose thread on his worn t-shirt. His eyes won’t rest on one spot, flicking to look at me before looking anywhere else. He’s tense, and I know he doesn’t want to be here.

“You can go,” I say softly, even though I want him to stay. I want to fix this. For whatever reason, my heart screams at me to keep this, whatever this may be, alive. But if it’s one-sided, It’s best that it ends now, “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”

I half expect him to just bolt after I’ve released him. But he doesn't. He stays. He still doesn’t say anything. His eyes stay trained on his hands as they fiddle in his lap. He seems to be battling with something. His mouth keeps opening and closing like he wants to say something, but he keeps losing the nerve. I try to stay focused on him but the pounding in my head and dryness in my mouth keeps me distracted. I excuse myself, wandering to the bathroom to try and get myself in order.

My mind races while I go through my usual morning routines. Why the hell did I call him? Fucking dumbass, I scold myself silently, glaring at my reflection in the mirror after brushing my teeth and drinking some water. There’s no way I haven’t fucked this up, he’s trying to find a way to let me down easy right now. Hell, I wouldn’t blame him if he left while I was in here. I grab some Tylenol from my makeup bag that sits on the counter, swallowing them down before taking one last look in the mirror.

“Idiot.” I breathe softly, before opening the door and walking back down the hallway to the living room.

He’s still there, almost surprisingly, when I walk in. He looks up at me and he seems a little less nervous, a little more put together.

“Why’d you say sorry?” He asks simply.

I’m a little blown away at his question. I sit down hesitantly beside him, gathering my thoughts, “Well, I guess I’m embarrassed at my behaviour. I acted irrationally, getting drunk and calling you out over the phone instead of being a normal human and actually taking my shot next time. If there was going to be a next time.” My hangover encourages me to speak honestly, too tired and longing the comfort of my bed and knowing the sooner this is over, the sooner I can sleep it off, I sigh heavily as I let my concerns pass my lips, “But I’m going to assume that I’ve fucked up any ‘next times’ that may have been in the works. So if you could just refrain from using my name when you talk to your friends about the crazy tourist you went out with, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

He looks at me, eyebrows drawn in and a small frown on his lips, “Why’d you assume that?” He asks voice laced with confusion.

“Well, I sure as hell wouldn’t go out with me again.” I say through a bitter laugh, “I mean come on, we go on one date, you don’t kiss me and I get drunk and yell at you on the phone about it.” I run a hung through my hair, ignoring the pain that comes from the pull of the kinks, “Any other guy would be running the other direction. It all just screams ‘crazy’.”

I don’t know what I expect him to do, crack a small smile and a joke, agree and never see me again or what but he surprises me by just sitting there, searching my eyes with a serious expression on his face.

“Well, I ain’t any other guy.” he finally says, softly. So softly, I’m not even sure he meant to say it out loud because when he speaks next it’s much louder, “How long are ya here for?”

“In Louisiana?” I ask, surprised at the turn of conversation. When he nods, I continue, “a week. We fly out on Sunday.”

He nods, looking back down at his feet on the hardwood floors and then it’s silent again. It’s silent for a while, him looking at the floor and me looking at him, trying desperately to see where his head is at. It hits me that I don’t really know this man, not actually. He told me small things yesterday, a detail here and there about his life. But to know him enough to try and predict his next move? To know what he judged as crazy or not? To know if he was a runner or a fighter? I don’t know him. And yet he sits on the couch of my rented Airbnb, trying to decide if I’m worth the trouble or not, and I don’t know a damn thing about him. But I do know, that I don’t want him to become just a story I tell my friends.

“Y’know I regret not kissin’ ya.” he says softly, finally looking at me and actually holding my gaze, “But I had a reason.” He pauses, “Lookin’ back it’s a stupid one.” A hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. He seems to do that a lot when he’s nervous, a defence mechanism.

“Can I ask what it was?” I ask softly.

He chews on his bottom lip nervously, running a hand through his hair before he sighs, “Okay,” He starts hesitantly, “Look, ’m not the best at relationships.” He winces at the sheer amount of vulnerability evident in his voice as he spills the truth, “I always fuck it up. Movin’ too fast or gettin’ scared and callin’ it off. My friend Eugene tells me I have ‘commitment issues’” He raises his hands into quotations on the two words, and I have to stifle a giggle at how annoyed he looks at the concept. He looks at me shyly, forcing myself to look me in the eyes, “But when I saw you,” he hesitates, “all o’ it went away. I just knew I wanted to see ya again.”

My heart soars at the words, a small smile tugging at my lips as he keeps talking, more like rambling now.

“But then, I got nervous last night. Lookin’ at me like that and it just kinda hit me that you’re not from here and you’re leavin’ and I didn’t wanna drag you into my bullshit.” He breaks off with a sigh, “but then you went n’ called me, callin’ me out for not kissing you..” he trails off, “I don’t think I’ve eva’ regretted anything more.”

All my feelings from the previous night come rushing back. My heart beating heavily in my chest as I stare at him, a little dumbfounded at his sweet words. He’s so much different today than he was last night. Cocky demeanour replaced with a much more real and open side of him. His eyes still betray him, showing how nervous, scared, conflicted he is at our situation. I have to laugh a little bit and how stupid we are; Both so afraid to mess this up that neither of us realized what the other was feeling.

“So fix it,” I say softly. He barely gets out a ‘what’ before I’m repeating myself, “fix it.” His eyes search mine as I scoot closer, driven by the fluttering feeling in my chest and stomach, my hangover long forgotten as I utter my next sentence.

“Kiss me.”

For a second I think he won’t do it. I think that he’ll let the fear of how complicated this could be get the best of him. But his eyes flicker from mine to my lips and I know that he wants this just as much as I do. My heart accelerates as he leans in, pausing when we’re just inches apart to let a hand come up to cup my jaw. He takes another moment to look at me and the possibility of him backing down still hangs between us. But, thank god, this time he doesn’t disappoint.

His lips press against mine, softly at first as if testing the waters before moving his against mine slowly. I breathe in as I lean into the touch, bracing myself on the couch so I don’t fall over. The world is spinning again, but this time it’s not nauseating or disorienting. He pulls back a bit, took look into my eyes, asking a silent question of if it’s okay.

I answer by pressing another kiss to his lips, moving closer so I can wrap my arms around his neck. We kiss slowly, languidly, enjoying the soft brush of our lips against one others. It’s magical to be kissing him like this. Intoxicating, exhilarating, electrifying. No one word can describe it. I don’t know how long we kiss for but the second he pulls away, I miss his lips against mine.

I let out a long breath, opening my eyes to look at him. I’m sure I’m looking at him with what can only be described as a dreamy expression on my face. But I can’t bring myself to care.

“Are you sure you have to go to work?” I ask, bringing our foreheads together.

He chuckles softly, breath fanning out over my lips as he rubs his nose against mine, leaning back down to speak before kissing me again.

“I can call in sick.”

~

Part 4

[xaeneron]

A Smol Nerd Talks about Backstory and Character Development

Hello frens,

I had someone ask about how I write character backstories, but since they included their discord information in the ask, I thought it might be better to answer that privately and put up this as a public post because the more I wrote, the more obnoxious it got. And because I thought it was interesting! I don’t claim to be an expert at any of this, especially since this is purely a hobby to me, but I do absolutely love character design and development and it makes me happy that the characters that I’ve put time and effort into are encouraging others to develop their own. So this is absolutely a post to skip if you’re not interested, but read on if you’re curious as to how my weird little brain works.

Essentially: Bits of insight into how I write character backstories, which blends a lot into character development and creation. Not really a step by step process, more word vomit.

...under a cut because holy fuck it got long. I’m sorry, I talk too much ><

Visualizing Characters

I’m not sure there’s really a starting place beyond “I would like this character to exist,” but I think it’s important to first stress how I view my characters in perspective to myself. No one method works for everyone, but it is kind of relevant to my own process. 

My friends in undergrad made fun of me for this constantly, but for me, characters sort of...how do you put it, take up space in the mind. Even though they are functionally me since I created them, they’re...not? They exist as their own entities, telling me what they like and don’t like, what they’d like to do next, etc. Ive, who has dominated this space for years, has a tendency to claim any music that I listen to as his own (so I associate it with him), throws parties, and wants to play and write more stories when I want to sleep. I get that this is a really weird way of looking at characters because I’m essentially blaming myself for keeping myself awake, but I think it’s the best way to describe how I see the characters that I create. They’re friends that talk, and they develop their own opinions instead of me dictating what it is that they say (even though...well, I am. I’m sorry this is really fucking weird LOL).

Obviously I’m not saying that this can or would work for anyone, but it’s just how my brain works. It helps me visualize them, along with details like how their voices sound, the facial expressions they tend to make, the tone that they take when saying the same phrase as someone else, etc.

Assembling Personalities...

I know the original question was essentially just about backstories, but backstory writing and character creation bleed into each other a lot. Enough that I don’t really think you can do one without the other, and why as a result I’m kind of writing about both.

So that being said, when assembling those characters, I tend to go piece by piece and let things happen, instead of distilling in all the characteristics I want them to have. That’s a pretty surefire way to make a Mary Sue, and I have plenty of experience with making Mary Sues. A lot. It’s embarrassing. ;A;

Let’s take Ive, for example. His initial personality when I first made him was a happy-go-lucky, debonair, massive flirt without a care in the world. He waltzed through life, never getting attached to anyone or anything. A fairly simple and shallow character base. As I played, pieces just kind of came together - some from the Commander’s in-game characterization, and some from my own ideas. I let him pick up different facets of his personality over time, some good, some bad.

This works because Ive’s personality wasn’t set in stone from the get-go and changed drastically as time went on, but if you do have a personality you have your heart set on, then make sure your character responds to new challenges accordingly. Consistency is key, and the way they act in the present can also help you road map their past, figuring out how they got to where they are. And who knows, if you take another look, they might surprise you.

...Including the Weird Shit

Sometimes the tiniest quirks help make characters memorable to you, and help shape who they were and grow up to be. One of my OCs, Beck, is an obfuscating idiot who legitimately knows his way around a blade and is insanely clever when he wants to be. He also has a random deadly allergy to mangoes. Does he have a story that he (somewhat) fondly looks back on where his adopted daughter chases him around with a mango in retaliation for making fun of her? By golly yes he does. Is it important to the overall narrative? No. But does it establish more of his relationship with his daughter, even when she’s an adult? Yes. It also is the sort of anecdote that can snowball - what was he saying that was bad enough for her to chase him with tropical fruit? How did she even get a mango in the first place? Does she have a crush on someone? What sort of person is that? Is it someone new in town, or is it a stranger? What makes them different? Is Beck just assuming, and if so, is it because he’s dense or because he’s just trying to be a doting father? Even little things count, especially when sometimes it’s the anecdotes and sides stories that help make the world and characters you’re creating feel more real.

Write What You Know

This is pretty common advice, but it’s also pretty solid advice. It’s also something that I do often. None of my characters are straight self-inserts (arguably), but many of them have one or more facets of my personality, which makes it much easier for me to write them. Anyone who knows me personally will attest to this, particularly when you begin to note the amount of deadpan snarkers that my cast contains. My primary OCs (who don’t show up much here unfortunately) range from politely snarky to full on deadpan. Ive and Etiery are prime examples of this, while Richter also has his moments. Sharing traits with you helps writing their dialogue and motivations more organically, because again, it’s not what you want them to do, it’s how they would react as a living individual. If you’re not a naturally sarcastic person, it’s going to be harder to develop and accurately write a sarcastic character, etc. (Flashbacks to when I was a kid and my attempt at sarcasm and wit was “Go home old man, nobody needs you.”) Not impossible, of course, but something to keep in mind.

It’s not just personality, either. Rayne (one of my OCs) and Etiery are a chemist and engineer respectively because that is what I am. Part of the way their brains work stems from the fields that they choose to specialize in, and as someone in that field, I do have a certain amount of experience in thinking from that perspective. It’s okay to base characters on yourself or people you know, or take bits and pieces from people here or there. Again, it grounds you, and if you can write a realistic personality, you can write a more fleshed out backstory for said character, taking into account their motivations and decision-making.

Balancing Story vs. Personality

Part of storytelling is, well, getting across the story that you want to tell. In that, characters are instruments to help you move that plot forward. But if you’re fleshing out your characters, you also want the plot to be a vehicle to help them develop. Really, it depends on the story you want to tell and how you want to tell it, but if you’re like me and you focus first on characters, then my mindset is probably more applicable.

Essentially though, find a balance. You might need someone to do something for the sake of the plot, but think about if the one you’re picking is a good candidate for it, or if it’s better suited for someone else. If no one fits, maybe you need to take a look at the story step you’re making, or at the characters you’ve created. Remember also that although it’s easy to look at things objectively as an author and say things like “that’s so obvious, they shouldn’t go that way,” a character may still make that choice in the moment. Judgment - present, past, or future - can be questionable as it happens.

Pay Attention to the Timeline

This one’s pretty straightforward. One of the easiest things to mess up is to make your character too old or too young to be doing the things that they’re currently doing. Check and double-check. If you’re writing into an established timeline like GW2′s, make sure your character’s timeline fits with the established lore (unless you are very specifically breaking it for some reason). Ive, for example, is not one of the older generations of sylvari, but he is older than the sylvari protagonist in-game to account for his extra time spent training to compensate for his lack of eyesight. Keeping track of when events happen, often simultaneously, will help you decide how characters act and react - Etiery would not have been so kind (relatively speaking) to Ive had she met him before her fallout with her father, and as a result, they might never have become best friends, or friends at all.

Look at Things from All Angles

It’s important to look at a character and ask where they got certain characteristics from - are they naturally this kind/sarcastic/flirty/angsty/mean/etc., or did something happen that catalyzed that? If you’re writing backstory to explain that, take a look at the world you’re in or that you’re building - does the story you’re telling fit reasonably? Really challenge yourself to stay within your (universe’s) rules, instead of being tempted to bend them to make your character (and their story) exactly what you want. All universes have rules, and unless it is a specific plot point to break them, make sure you follow them! Making impossible loopholes to make sure your character has a degree by age 12 or can resurrect someone perfectly when the magic is explicitly stated to not exist can weaken your story and your character!

Richter is a good example of my personal thought process, being a glasses-wearing necromancer whose backstory is a street rat. He’s tall and awkward as an adult, so it’s not unreasonable that he was once a tall and gawky kid, the kind of kid whose arms are too long and everyone picks on. How does a kid like that survive on the streets? One of his major traits is the fact that he’s a bookworm: if he was orphaned, where did he learn to read? If he had parents long enough to teach him rudimentary reading skills (which he did), how much practical experience did he lose out on since he spent less time alone on the streets? As someone with a strong moral compass, Richter had to find a way to justify committing crimes to survive. A child like that would probably be too frightened to ask Grenth’s clergy or anyone at the schools in Divinity’s Reach (which he could not afford) to teach him in necromancy. How does he learn as a result? Is he afraid of his powers? Do people treat him differently because of them?

It’s kind of what I mean when I say pieces start falling into place. Start with a detail that you want for sure, and build up from that while maintaining its feasibility in the world that you’re working in.

And Don’t Ignore the Random

Seriously, I think this is my favorite part. Sometimes the things that you don’t expect sneak up on you and make it in. Fun fact for anyone fond of Ive: he originally wasn’t blind. OG Ive had nothing physically wrong with him. One day I was showing my friend my GW2 characters, including Ive in his full Rubicon set. I was nervous that she wouldn’t think it was as cool as I did, so I joked (although I would have anyway) that I didn’t know how he would see with the brim of the hat pulled so low. She replied, “Well, what if he has the hat pulled so low because he’s blind and it doesn’t matter to him?”

I chewed on that idea for the next day and a half, and suddenly a lot of things fell into place - why Ive and Eet get along as well as they do, more justification for Ive’s growing, below-the-surface jaded personality, an obstacle for him to overcome. I drowned in feels and texted her, and to this day it is still very much her fault that Ive can’t see. 

His lack of vision is now one of the central pillars of his character, and it’s something I hadn’t even considered before my friend mentioned it in jest. So don’t ignore random inspiration!

[sparklebitch]

A Happily Ever After

Summary: Keith and Lance are getting married! Wedding shenanigans are sure to follow as they prepare for the ceremony.

A/N: This is a fic for one of my patrons!  This took me a long time to write because I wanted it to be p e r f e c t but I'm super proud of it! If you support me on patreon https://www.patreon.com/prince_yoongi you can gain access to all my patron-only fics and many other cool perks such as a personalized fic!

Trigger warnings: none

“You are stressing me out” Lance cried, tugging on his hair. He knew it was a mess. He was a mess. “Keith, do we even have time to change all of that? The wedding is tomorrow” Keith scratched the back of his neck as he considered Lance’s words.

“I just… It would be really cool if Kolivan could do the ceremony. He said that members of the Blade of Marmora have special bonding ceremonies that are kind of like weddings” Keith explained. He leaned into Lance’s side. They were curled up on the couch of their temporary apartment. They had been back on Earth for almost a year, now that the war was over. They had successfully defeated the Galra and freed all their prisoners. It had taken a while for all of them to readjust to civilian life back on Earth, but everything seemed to be working out alright. The five of them stuck close together on Earth, Allura and Coran returned to space shortly after the war ended, wanting to spend time finding the rest of the lost Alteans.

“What is the ‘bonding ceremony?’” Lance asked. “That sounds dangerously close to something sexual. I’m not doing tha—” Keith elbowed Lance in the said.

“Get your mind out of the gutter” he grumbled. “Kolivan will do the speaking, talking about how big of a decision this is and how lovely it is that we choose to be bound to each other for the rest of our lives” Keith explained, curling further into Lance’s side. “I’ve heard it’s really beautiful. After he’s done we exchange blades and—”

“But I don’t have a blade” Lance pointed out. “Most families don’t just have like… pretty knives like you” Lance pointed out. Keith nodded quickly.

“I know that!” he said, a hint of excitement in his voice. “So… I talked to Kolivan and he created one for you” Lance lifted his eyebrows. “I- I know that I hadn’t asked you yet but… I was pretty sure you would say yes…” he said in embarrassment. Lance opened his mouth to say something, but Keith cut him off. “I have the knife here, so you can see it!” He rushed across the room and reached into his bag by the front door. Keith pulled out a small knife, around the size of his own, with a gleaming silver blade. He placed it carefully in Lance’s hands. The dark gray twisted metal weaved in and out as it wrapped around the hilt. Buried in the base of the handle there was a dark blue gem.

“Keith…” Lance said in awe as he stared at the beautiful object in his hands. Keith settled back onto the couch.

“I know… I know this is super last minute. I know the wedding is tomorrow, but it would mean a lot to me if we could do this” Keith said vulnerably. “But… I completely understand if you say no. I mean, it is last minute and—”

“Keith” Lance said again, resting his hand on Keith’s arm. “Babe, I love it” Keith lifted his eyes to meet Lance’s.

“Really?” he asked cautiously. Lance laughed quietly and nodded.

“Yeah. I think it would be awesome if Kolivan does the ceremony. And I can tell it’s really important to you—”

“It really is” Keith said, a smile spreading across his face. He curled into Lance’s side, Lance snaked his arm around Keith’s waist instinctively.

“Then I think we should do it” Lance said. “Besides, it sounds fun. And then we can say that we were the first people on Earth to have an alien wedding” Keith smiled fondly at Lance.

“I love you” he said. Lance laughed.

“Well I should hope so. We are getting married tomorrow”

 ~   ~

 Lance opened his eyes the next morning to an empty bed. He pouted and reached around for Keith. Lance rolled over onto his chest into the empty space where Keith should be. “Keeeeith?” Lance mumbled sleepily. “Get back in bed” There was no response, so Lance lifted his head and peek his eyes open. The room was empty. Lance frowned. He rolled back over and grabbed his phone off the bedside table and saw that he had a message from Keith.

‘Hey, sorry for leaving before you got up. I’m meeting up wth Shiro for breakfast and we’re going to check the wedding venue to make sure it’s ready for today. I’ll probably be busy all day and won’t see you until the wedding. (Besides, you’re not supposed to see the bride before the wedding, so I couldn’t let you see me lol) I love you <3 Xoxo’

Lance read the text over a few times and smiled to himself. He shot a text back immediately.

‘1st of all how dare u assume ur the bride,, its very obviously me and 2nd of all ily 2 ;*’

Lance laughed to himself as he curled back up on the bed. It wasn’t until a few moments later that he realized it. He bolted upright, his eyes widening.

“I’m getting married today”

Lance got out of bed and took a shower and then began getting ready. He had just put on a fresh facemask when someone knocked on the door. He knew that it was Hunk and Pidge, they had texted him a few minutes before and said they were coming over to help him get ready.

Lance ignored their knocking and braced his hands against the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked ridiculous, he knew that, standing there in his blue bathrobe with a green facemask on. He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there, staring at his reflection. It was starting to hit him what was happening that day. He was getting married. Married. It was huge. Lance didn’t want to admit it to anyone, but he was freaking out.

Pidge and Hunk stood outside the bathroom door, waiting for Lance to emerge. “He’s freaking out” Pidge stated as they stood near the door.

“I am not!” Lance protested loudly.

‘He is’ Hunk mouthed to Pidge. Pidge nodded. “You love him, remember that” Hunk said out-loud. “But if you decide to call it off I will one-hundred percent support your decision” Lance blinked in shock.

“Break off the- Hunk, I’m not going to break off the wedding. I love him!”

“I know that!” Hunk said, pressing closer to the door. “We all love him. You two are amazing together. I’m just saying that if for some reason you decide that you can’t go through with it, or even if you just can’t do it today, we’ll understand. But I, for one, think that this is the smartest decision you’ve ever made” Lance cracked a small, nervous, smile.

“I really love him” Pidge and Hunk gave each other a knowing look.

“We know” they said simultaneously.

“I just want this day to be perfect” Lance continued. He rolled up the sleeves and bent down to wash the goo off his face.

“Don’t worry, everything will be perfect” Hunk said confidently. “Shiro texted me a few minutes ago. He said the venue is gorgeous. Everything’s all set for the wedding, aside from a few odds and ends. The reception hall is decorated, and the food is being cooked as we speak”

“You double checked the menu, right?” Lance asked, water dripping from his face.

“Of course!” Hunks said indignantly. “The chef is the best of the best, and I picked out foods that you and Keith will both love, and that are appropriate for a wedding”

“So, no—”

“No! There will not be waffles at your wedding, Lance. We’ve been over this” Lance huffed as he dried off his face.

“I’m just… I’m worried that something’s going to go wrong. Everything’s got to go perfect because if it doesn’t, I’m afraid that Keith might not want to marry me” his words were met with silence. “Guys?” he said after a few moments.

“Lance, come out here” Pidge said. Lance readjusted the towel on his head and cracked open the bathroom door, peaking his head out. Pidge and Hunk stared back at him with blank expressions.

“What?”

“Keith is not going to dump you if the wedding goes bad” Hunk said gently.

“And besides, everything’s going to be fine” Pidge assured Lance. “Nothing is going to go wrong. So, just go finish getting ready, and don’t worry about a thing” Lance nodded his head, the towel swaying on his head precariously.

“Right, thanks” Lance said as he ducked his head back into the bathroom and closed the door.

“We have a problem” Pidge said the moment the door was closed. Hunk frowned.

“What problem?” Pidge looked around and then grabbed Hunk’s arm and dragged him into the next room.

“I may have… lost their rings?” She said, phrasing it like a question. Hunk stared at her dumbly.

“You what?” he said, squinting his eyes. Pidge flashed a nervous grin.

“Keith gave them to me yesterday because he was afraid that he would lose them in all the chaos today. And then in all the chaos today I… lost them” It took Hunk a few seconds to fully process what she was saying. She had lost the rings.

“Please… tell me you’re joking” Hunk said, slumping his shoulders. He knew she wasn’t. “Pidge! How did you lose the rings!” Pidge shrugged and made an I-don’t-know sound.

“They’re just… gone” Hunk tugged on his hair.

“What are we going to do!? We can’t tell Lance about it, and the wedding is in a few hours!” Pidge frowned and pursed her lips thoughtfully. “Do you think we can find them?” Hunk asked.

“No, I’ve looked everywhere. But I think I have an idea…”

 ~   ~

 “So, how did he take the news?” Shiro asked as he and Keith strolled through the isles of the wedding venue, making sure everything was in place.

“He was all for it, obviously. He said that as long as I was happy, he was happy” Shiro smiled.

“I told you” he said. “He loves you so much, I’m pretty sure he would marry you in a dumpster”

“Are you comparing our Blades ceremony to being married in a dumpster?” Keith asked, quirking his eyebrow. Shiro began sputtering.

“Wha- I- No! I wouldn’t- I mean, I didn’t mean to- That’s not what I—” Keith snorted and shook his head.

“I’m kidding” he said. Shiro scratched the back of his neck and laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah, I knew that” Shiro was silent for a few moments as Keith bent down and straightened up the bouquet of flowers that was at the end of the row of chairs. “So, how was the blushing bride this morning?” he asked. Keith smiled briefly.

“Uh, I left before he woke up” Keith said, rubbing his arm nervously. Shiro noticed.

“Are you feeling alright?” he asked. Keith flashed a weak smile.

“Ah, yeah, of course” he lied. “Just… pre-wedding jitters or whatever” Shiro wasn’t convinced.

“Really?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“It’s just… What if he gets tired of me?” Keith said in a small voice. He sat down on one of the decorated chairs as he spoke. Shiro sat down next to him. “Like, I know he loves me right now, but what about in a few years? What if he gets tired of me? What if the only reason he fell in love with me was because I was his only option in space? And now that we’re back on Earth and he’s not limited to just me… he changes his mind” Keith hunched over and put his head in his hands. Shiro could see by the look in Keith’s eyes that this was something that had been bothering him for a while.

“Keith, I can tell you right now that that’s not going to happen” he said confidently. “Lance loves you, that’s never going to change”

“You don’t know that” Keith argued.

“I do. Did you know that Lance came to me a month after we arrived in space and told me that he had a huge crush on you? He said it had formed at the garrison, but now that you were always around it had gotten worse” Keith peeked up at Shiro with a frown. He hadn’t known that. “He told me how much he looked up to you, and how you made him want to be a better person. He’s been in love with you longer than you know” Shiro said. “And it’s not going to go away just because you’re not trapped on a ship together anymore” Keith dropped his hands.

“Do you really think so?” he asked. Shiro smiled and put his hand on Keith’s shoulder.

“I really do” he said. Keith let out a breath. He had been worrying over that for far too long. He knew that the thought wasn’t gone forever, but for now, he felt better.

Now he had to finish preparing for the wedding.

 ~   ~

 “Are you ready?” The words sent a chill down his spine. A good chill, but a chill nonetheless. He was beyond nervous, and beyond ready. He couldn’t stand another minute not being married to Keith.

“I was fucking born—”

“—I swear to god if you say ‘I was born ready’—”

“—Ready” Pidge groaned. “I take everything I’ve ever said about you back. You don’t deserve Keith” Lance elbowed Pidge in the side and laughed shortly.

“Not helpful right now” he said hoarsely. “Pidge, I’m freakin’ out man” Lance said, nervously adjusting his tie for the eighth time.

“We’ve been over this, Keith is not going to leave you if the ceremony isn’t perfe—”

“No, I know that” Lance said, running his hands down the front of his suit jacket. “I’m just… fuck. This is it, man. I’m getting married. Keith’s going to be my husband” Lance gnawed on his lip as he thought about it.

“Yeah, that is… that is how weddings generally work” Pidge stated, not knowing what else to say.

“I feel like I’m forgetting something” Lance said as he nervously tapped his foot against the ground. “Like I’m going to get to the end of the aisle and realize that I forgot to put on pants or something” Pidge looked down and then back up at Lance’s face.

“You have pants on” she stated.

“Not that exactly! Just, something like that” Pidge put her hands on Lance’s cheeks and pulled his face down so that he was at eyelevel with her.

“Listen, Lance” she said. “We don’t have time for you to freak out now. Everyone in there is waiting for you. Keith Is waiting for you. Everything is perfect. The hall is decorated, the food is ready, you have all your clothes on, and I found you some new rings. So ,get your shit together and get your ass down that aisle” Pidge ended her pep talk by smacking Lance lightly on the face and then letting go. Lance straightened up and cleared his throat.

“Right” he nodded. “Thanks” He turned toward the door and waited for his cue to start walking. “Wait… what did you say about the rings!?” Lance said, his eyes widening. Pidge opened her mouth to respond, but at that exact moment the music began playing, signaling that it was time for Lance to walk down the aisle. Pidge shook her head.

“No time to explain” she whipped open the doors and strode down the aisle to her spot by Keith’s side.

The minute the doors opened in front of Lance, all his thoughts disappeared. He was no longer fretting over how the ceremony was going to do or worrying about whether or not Keith was going to have second thoughts about the wedding. All Lance was focused on was the man standing at the end of the aisle. He was Lance’s future.

All Lance’s worried disappeared, even if just for a moment.

As Lance proceeded down the aisle after Pidge, everything seemed to fade away. The people, the music. All he could focus on was Keith. Keith was wearing an ordinary black suit, but he looked far from ordinary. Lance’s eyes never left Keith’s, even after he arrived at the front of the room and was now face to face with his husband-to-be. Keith’s eyes darted from Lance’s face as he checked out Lance’s tux. They hadn’t seen each other’s outfits before the wedding, relying on Allura to reassure them that they would look good together. Lance was wearing a light pink suit with a white button up shirt. He knew it was flashy, but he didn’t care.

“Damn” Keith breathed quietly, so only Lance could hear. “You look good” Lance blushed. Kolivan, who was standing behind them, began the ceremony. Pidge and Hunk stood to their sides, both dressed in matching suits.

Lance didn’t hear a single word that Kolivan said. He knew he should be listening, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stare into Keith’s eyes. They were filled with so much love, Lance was sure his were as well.

It wasn’t until Pidge tapped Lance on the shoulder, that Lance snapped back into reality. Pidge shoved the ring into Lance’s hand. Lance repeated a few standard words after Kolivan, and then slipped the ring onto Keith’s finger. It wasn’t until Keith was putting a ring on Lance’s that Lance realized that it was not the gold bands that he and Keith had picked out. They were red and blue crystal rings, the red on Lance’s finger, and the blue on Keith’s. They were breathtaking.

“Now,” Kolivan said. “We are at the part of the ceremony where these two will be bonded according to Blade of Marmora traditions” Kolivan announced. He turned and took the two blades, both Keith’s and Lance’s and held them in his hands. He handed the respective blades to their owners and then began to recite the bonding ceremony to them. “By exchanging these blades, you are committing to one another. This is a promise, a promise to stay be each other’s sides. To always be there for one another. And to always, always love each other” Keith and Lance exchanged the blades. “I now pronounce you, husband and husband” he announced. A grin spread across Lance’s face. It hurt, but Lance didn’t care in the slightest. “You may now kiss” Lance didn’t even hesitate to pull Keith toward him, crushing their lips together. Keith grabbed the back of Lance’s head and pulled him closer. Cheers erupted from their friends and family all around them.

After they finally broke apart, they descended the steps and began to head to the back of the room. “What’s with the rings?” Keith whispered into Lance’s ear as they headed down the aisle. Lance shrugged. He didn’t know. And he didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was married to his best friend. His first love. His soulmate.

“Don’t care” he replied, his eyes shining brightly. Keith grinned broadly at him. Keith looped his arm with Lance’s as they walked through the arch way at the end of the aisle. Lance didn’t care about the small stuff anymore. He had fought in an intergalactic space war, and won, nothing less than space terrorism was going to bother him any longer.

Now, all he was going to worry about was his happily ever after.

~   ~   ~

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[wannawrite]

better better 💛 🐻 🍯

너의 그 사랑만이 멈춰있던 날 다시 뛰게 해.

[ Only your love could make the me who was stuck run again. ]

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TW: if you squint, there's very mild mentions of child abuse, physical and verbal

↪ group: DAY6

↪ member: Yoon Dowoon

↪ genre: idk its not really fluff either, (IM SORRY ANON IT GETS VERY FLUFFY AT THE END) but its 90 percent angst free LOL ??? this story is too out of the ordinary to categorise lol ☀️

↪ request: hey admin n! can i have a fluffy day6 dowoon scenario where he cheers you up from a bad day in school? thank you!

↪ A/N: I really wanted to write something for Dowoon, thank you so much, anon who requested this!! I somehow thought of the spiritual love I receive everyday from God (I'm christian to all of y'all who dk, haha) so I think this story will hold a special place in my heart!!! also, the story plot is largely inspired by the story by 九把刀 - 等一个人咖啡，so if u understand Chinese please give it a read, its a nice story uwuwuwuuwwu

edit i am SO SORRY THIS WAS WAY LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE the word count will probably be like idk 8000 by the time i finished this when u requested for a scenario lolz i got way too invested I apologise...I wrote almost everyday for a whole week I regret getting carried away oh my gosh, but I hope you enjoy this, I really worked very hard on this!!!

ps im sorry if jihyo is ooc, never written nor know twice well but id say I'm a fan of their music hehe

______________________________________

It was about 7AM in the morning when all of your batch gathered around at the assembly place in your school, and between occasional yawns that slipped off your mouth (thanks, end of year exams), you and your friends were talking about the happenings of yesterday as you walked there, laughter often breaking out in your little group when there were bits of humour in the story.

You all made your way down the stairs and into the assembly grounds, resembling a large, aquamarine blue quilt that took up an obnoxious part of the school-where the netball competitions and other important events were held.

Seemingly following suit with the shade of blue on the ground, the lack of sun in the morning painted everything with a small hint of lighter, sky blue itself, such that it all looked like one entity but distinctive in its own individual colours.

Realising this with your own dark ringed, half opened eyes, you couldn't help but feel the ends of your lips angle up slowly-the world was so beautiful, you couldn't help but think as you knelt down to sit onto the rugged surface of the big, enveloping area-whoever had created it for all its small but still amazing features was exceptionally genius.

As your eyes scattered around the place, still immersed in a world of your own-a shrill screech of a whistle pulled you back to the boredom of school life, and with a slight, but petty annoyance you shifted your back to face the PE teacher who had just walked over, and subsequently, so did the other students around you.

He stood in front of your whole batch, clad in a black, torso hugging sports shirt and fluorescent pink shorts-which immediately, triggered a few giggles for your batch, but the spoilsport of a whistle just had to ruin the fun again, motioning for everyone else to shut up.

You sighed when you saw the creases in his forehead, and the unmistakeable hint of a frown on his tan, oval face-this was not going to be too good of a day.

You just hoped that he wasn't going to make all of you do 4 rounds around the school today. Running, needlessly to say really was not something a person like you liked to do-sweat all over your face, springing pimples on your face, grasping for breath and literally collapsing in front of the whole class like a dead fish because of how energy deprived you were? You were going to pass, thanks.

"Now, class!" his low baritone rasped out to the class, carrying a strong sense of dominance in it like he was speaking to a platoon in the army, "We have a group of alumni today, coming back to visit and help all of you train for your Physical Education Examinations next year." At that, his outstretched wrists flicked backwards loosely, gesturing for the alumni to come, and he continued again, "They are alumni that were our top students from last year, and did exceptionally well. They have all took time out of their 4 month break after examinations to train all of you, so please be nice, and don't be so unruly."

As soon as he had said that, the class started breaking out into applause as the five students stepped into everyone's field of vision.

Your eyes widened when you saw the bones, standing out like rocks in the their toned, fit arm and leg muscles-even the girls' thighs that was supposedly, the most unattractive part of everyone's body had 'walls' lining their lean, hourglass figure. Confident smiles were plastered to most of their faces, with a few tired exceptions-heck, one even had a smirk playing on their face as he scanned the class below him.

Inwardly, as you heard the laughs of the alumni that had aroused from the awing of their juniors below them, you couldn't help but shudder inside-there was no, freaking way that you were going to look like that after training with them.

You didn't want to, anyway-that meant rigorous hours of training and stitches 'basking' under the unhelpful, boiling cover of the sun.

Just then, as you were contemplating the choices of schools you were going to transfer to to abstain from the torture that was soon to come, the guy with the playful smirk on his face had already grabbed a microphone, and was preparing to speak. Translucent frames for glasses hid his small, almost demure but yet somehow condescending eyes-you weren't getting that great of a vibe from him.

"Hello, Class 3D9, I am your senior, Park Jaehyung, and I'm here to train all of you for the exams, since all of you don't seem that excited for it, judging by your expressions." His features softened considerably from a look of mirth to one of gaiety as he started to speak in a 'half air half voice' kind of way-rasping yet not quite, and you rolled your eyes.

It wasn't really that you disliked him much, but you could already picture him being the heartthrob of the girls in class-the gleam in their previously irritant, but now smitten eyes was so undeniably revolting.

They all nodded furiously at the last sentence, and he began to laugh a bit (attracting more squeals from the girls, much to your dismay) before speaking again, this time with the narrow of an eyebrow and a more serious, raised voice. "I know all of you might be thinking that this is very pointless, and stupid. I know. None of you really want to be an athlete in the future, and I understand. But I really hope all of you can treat this seriously, because health in the long run is really very important, and I want all of you to take not only the PE finals but the entrance exam to college confidently, and healthily. Are all of you with me?"

Like how any motivational speaker would have done, there was an applied pressure at the last line, and soon, a long, unenthusiastic 'yes' drawled out of everyone's barely parted mouth.

You snickered a bit at the frown on Jaehyung's face when he heard it-he really should have known beforehand, that encouraging a class didn't consist of just one pathetic speech, and you started to doubt if he had really been from this school.

Let's face it, motivation really wasn't this generation's thing.

"Are all of you with me!" he rasped again, this time yelling into the microphone obnoxiously and poking a hole in your eardrums.

"YES!" the class shouted with increased volume to appease him.

Just please, don't shout into the microphone again, you whimpered inwardly.

At this, Jaehyung looked more or less satisfied (thank God), and with the small hint of a smile, he passed over the microphone to another guy, whose eyes first caught your own. They were delicately angled into the eyes of a fox, emanating a half elegant aura that still seemed to hint 'Let's have fun, everyone!' They fell into small crescents when he started to laugh at Jaehyung's incapabilities to lead the class, and the circles in his lean, rosy cheek bones spelt attractiveness at its finest.

With a sweet smile on his face, he held up the microphone to his mouth and started to talk. "Morning, class! Sorry if Jaehyung sounds like a bit of a drag. I know he has that student leader aura, but you can't blame him, he's always been burying his face in a book during recess-HEY!" The class, including him, started to erupt into waves of giggles when Jaehyung flicked his forehead, a faux anger playing on his arched eyebrows and widened, now not so small eyes. "FINE, fine, I'll stop! Anyway, hello Class 3D9, this is your cooler senior, Kang Younghyun, and I hope to train all of you to success in the exams. Thank you!" Younghyun proceeded to bow with the shy lift of his eyebrows, and everyone clapped.

"His real name is actually Brian, please ignore him." Jaehyung added in with a wink, earning a loud slap on the shoulder from Younghyun (with a subsequent yelp from himself) and more laughter from the juniors, yourself included. Your seniors seemed pretty chill and friendly, not like how you thought they would be.

But sadly, as they were supposedly goofing around too much, the PE teacher blew that stupid, ear-wrenching whistle of his, causing you to jump up in shock again. "Okay boys, lets finish this up quickly." he said curtly, strict gaze fleeting past the two boys and causing their playful charm to melt like ice in front of him.

As Jaehyung and Younghyun simultaneously did a long, 90 degree bow, mouthing 'sorry' repeatedly, you and quite a good majority of your other classmates sighed, inwardly feeling a tad deflated-looks like the rest of the introduction wasn't going to be that fun after all.

The introduction seemed to move past like rusted cogs, at least for just one part of it-the first girl who had greeted all of you sported two round, neat buns at the sides of her hair, complimenting her big, double lidded eyes and her elegantly curved, brightly smiling lips. The corners of her eyes bore a small fragment of the brighter sky above her, gleaming with confidence as she bowed politely, introducing herself to everyone in a more reserved way than the other two. Her name was Park Jihyo, and she had been in dance-which was quite a great feat, since dance was a niche co-curricular activity in your school, but not surprising at the same time, looking at her beautiful figure and slender, well toned arms.

As she talked, she slipped a few jokes there and then mid-conversation, not too much that the PE teacher had to cut in, but attempting to keep the class' attention on her afloat. Jihyo had an unmistakeable pleasant aura that seemed to infect everyone with her laugh, and from the bottom of your heart, you really wanted to befriend her-someone approachable and easy to talk to.

There was another girl next to her who was called Chaewon, with demure, yet youthful brown eyes and a serene smile. Similarly, she too was very friendly and talked with a very laid-back tone-but the problem was, that she talked a lot.

You didn't really mind it much when people talked a lot, but when they overdid it, it got kind of...boring.

Seemingly one hour later, your eyes struggled to remain parted mid-sentence as she went into a trite monologue about how grateful she was to stand here. By the time she was done you felt fatigue wrap around your head like a snake, till a deeper voice was suddenly amplified into the mic.

"H-Hello, I'm Yoon Dowoon, and-"

"I ate ants as a kindergartener." Jaehyung's unmistakeable airy voice cut in annoyingly, causing Dowoon's face to flush a big, rosy red whilst all of you chortled with a louder, more extreme laughter than before-and instantly, you became alive again as the mental image of a small boy swallowing the poor insect with the brightest smile sent you rolling onto the floor.

"He even gave a whole box to his teacher." came a rather unhelpful snicker from Younghyun, further fuelling the laughter and the blush on Dowoon's face.

You couldn't help but admit, that he was sort of cute when he was embarrassed, though-Dowoon had the small, but believing eyes of a child, with two pretty, but not 'big enough that it protruded' kind of bags attached below them delicately. The gentle up curve of the sides of his big button nose was really attractive, and he had semi-big lips that pouted out like the small petals of a daisy.

Seeing Jaehyung's joking, almost condescending smirk resurface onto his face and look down onto Dowoon's expressionless eyes, which now refused to concentrate on anywhere but the floor was maybe, just maybe-sort of sad.

Unlike Jihyo, you couldn't see even a small fragment of the sky in his eyes-it was as if someone had just painted his eyes brown and decided it would stay that way for the rest of the day.

Dowoon was too embarrassed to do anything else, and without even looking up, he passed the microphone to the PE teacher, whose nonchalant expressions didn't seem to care much either.

Inside, a pang of guilt rose up to your chest, and you unconsciously started to frown along with him as you noticed how uncomfortable his hardened features had looked, amongst all the giggles thrusting through his gentle heart.

Being known by 'the guy who ate ants as a kindergartener' to everyone, instead of who he really was mustn't have been a very nice feeling, especially to his juniors-who was supposed to look at him as a superior and a leader figure.

Just as you were debating on whether or not to ask them to stop, a scream broke out through the assembly grounds, shutting everyone up with a magic swipe of its hand.

Of course, it had to be the stupid whistle.

"Are we here to joke, or train? Get up, all of you! We're going to run today." the PE teacher's obnoxiously booming, demanding voice rang into everyone's ears unpleasantly, the catalyst to the small groans of dismay breaking out amidst the class that was already preparing to stand and walk to the field.

"Can you believe he actually did that?" your friends approached you in a fit of giggles as all of you approached the running track, with a new topic to revolve your conversation around.

Just that, this time, you didn't really want to join in.

It wasn't the best of days after all, you thought with a small hang up in the side of your chest. Out of all things, after seeing a poor boy getting bullied by his own friends, you had to do the stupid 4 rounds that all of you did practically every week.

As you braced yourself painfully for the sweating and fatigue that was to come, taking your rightful place behind the white tape attached to the floor marking the starting point- an unusually low cough brushed by your ears briefly, and instinctively, you whirled around.

You saw the big, believing eyes of a child again as you did so-it was Dowoon, and to your surprise, those eyes noticed your gaze and looked back.

Crap, he's really, very cute. you could feel your head lose some of its gravity and your heartbeat accelerating as he proceeded to smile after, the lift of his plump, daisy lips showing off his round, marshmallow-like cheeks.

"You okay?" his deep voice asked you gently, and you nodded with a small laugh, realising how much of a mess you must have looked in front of him for him to ask such a question.

"I should be the one asking you that. I'm sorry for laughing at you earlier."

With that, his smile angled further into a laugh of his own, and Dowoon replied, "It's okay. I'm used to it already."

You could already feel your forehead crease in slight disbelief, as you stared at the sheepish falter in his smile and recalled how unhappy he was earlier on.

"That's not true-"

BEEP!

The PE teacher's whistle had already gone off, and Dowoon, much to a top runner's expectations, was already speeding far ahead of you with a steady, confident pace as his brown curls bounced gently under the force of his movements.

Looking at nowhere but the front, he looked determined to finish what he had started-something you could probably only dream of having.

"What's taking you so long? Hurry up!" the PE teacher yelled at you, averting your attention away from your senior and back to your miserable plight.

You sighed with a slightly defeated energy, giving him a perfunctory nod as you too, began to move towards the finish line.

That is, if you could even make it.

As you ran, you made a mental note to never use that stupid whistle ever again.

________________________________________________

31st December, 2018.

"Se-second place in class? No way, you must have heard wrongly. Second place girls-wise, maybe..." you insisted disbelievingly, feeling the air brush against your throat as you inhaled sharply, hardly able to fathom the news that had just been broken to you.

Contrary to what your stubborn mentality refused to accept, your deskmate Sungjin just nodded again, the smile on his face laced with a small hint of amusement-he too, probably foresaw that you wouldn't believe such a thing.

"I'm serious, man. It came as a shock to everyone yesterday as well." he said, hiding a gentle, but knowing giggle in 'serious'. "You really have Dowoon to thank, look at you go."

You stared at the suggestive crease in Sungjin's big, pretty eyes, not bothering to hide the sarcasm dripping from your smile (very well knowing that someone like Sungjin was capable of playing such pranks on you).

"And where can I get more reliable information?" you demanded, refusing to tear away your gaze from his, and noticing the added pressure in 'reliable', Sungjin couldn't help but break into a more relaxed smile as he lifted his hands up in surrender.

"Fine, go see for yourself, just don't hit me, please."

He pointed a finger at the notice board, littered with numerous sheets of construction paper from all the projects your class had been assigned this year, almost like a peacock's feathers unfolding.

However, there was one paper that stood out from the rest, dull, white and boring-but maybe not so, once the truth was revealed.

In big, bold letters, it spelt:

PHYSICAL EDUCATION EXAMINATION RESULTS: CLASS 3D9.

The thought of knowing your results had thrown all thoughts of replying to Sungjin out of the window as you could hear the squeak of your shoe soles speed across the classroom towards the notice board.

Frantically, as the long table of students revealed a clearer picture of itself to you, you decided on looking at all the names from the bottom to the top-no better way to set yourself up for disappointment than to face it sooner.

It had been a while of panning up, and your squatting legs were getting tired; though knowing full well that you looked the part of an idiot while doing all this. You couldn't find your name anywhere on the board, and as your legs slowly broke its position to ascend further, the anxiety in your chest seemed to rise along with it-what if you had done so bad a job, you couldn't even get a position?

What if Dowoon had seen it and would never talk to you ever again? What would your parents say when they knew...

Just as your imagination was trailing all the way off from your real goal, the truth imprinted in cold, black ink debunked all of the scenarios in your head.

Your name was right next to the position, second place.

"So you weren't lying!" was the first thing you did as you shouted out of instinct from the opposite position of the classroom. As many other students turned their heads to you in slight frustration, you could hear Sungjin's sniggers direct back at you in response, which was yeah, albeit sort of annoying-but nothing could really smother the joy you were feeling at this moment.

Your eyes lingered for a long time onto the placing that you had gotten, and you recalled all of Dowoon's practice sessions with you-how he had drawn out almost 90% of his 4 month break just to train with you after school, how you had nearly tripped over a hurdle on the running track and causing both of you to laugh, how he had made you draw out a meal plan for him to monitor your food intake everyday-you'd never thought you'd say this, but you really, really missed it.

As you thought back to the believing eyes of a small child, looking up at the boundless sea of a sky-the clouds floating past resembling well his sweat glazed cheeks, you realised-how much you'd miss his presence that pushed forward, reaching out to the you who couldn't be bothered with most things, his care that reached out to the you who didn't care for yourself-not necessarily in a romantic way.

The thought of getting Dowoon's number had very stupidly, slipped off your mind amidst all the joy he had brought you, and your good mood was surprisingly diminished by a small tinge of guilt as you returned to your desk.

You regretted it. A lot.

"All those training sessions with her partner must have helped a lot, huh? The one who ate ants in kindergarten, I have to laugh." Suddenly, the silent, but tangible hiss of a group of girls fluttered past your ears, and without thinking, a small sense of anger blazed up in your heart as you stood up with a jolt.

How dare they say such a thing about such an amazing person.

Your chair did a loud, ugly screech against the floor as it happened, and the girls looked to you, slightly perplexed-that was, until you grabbed onto their wrists, and locked eyes with them-with a fire in your eyes that you yourself hadn't recognised.

"Don't talk about your senior like that." you deadpanned, with the motivation of anger that had backed you up well.

Just then, you noticed the arch of your eyebrows, and the anger in your movements reflected in their cowardly gazes, and for a second, you wondered-if the you that was acting like this, was really you.

"Sorry." was all they could manage awkwardly, a sheepish, yet somehow insincere smile dripping from their lips as they slipped away to their own desks-people nowadays just loved to talk about others behind their backs, and you sighed.

Only your love could make the me who was stuck in a rut run again.

_____________________________________________________________

"You got second place in the finals? Okay. Well, good for you, but I don't think you'd come to me just for that." the PE teacher slurred his words sharply, suddenly looking up at you from the bend of his glasses with a dull expression in his eyes. He seemed way more fascinated in the papers lulled over by his wrists than your dumb questions, and in all honesty, it was getting sort of annoying.

The lazy whirr of the fan spun over your head, fitting perfectly into the awkward silence between you and the teacher as you twiddled your thumbs awkwardly, trying to figure out a way to paraphrase such a stupid request-not daring to meet his steely gaze that somehow, stubbornly refused to tear away from yours.

He was right, however; the last thing you'd ever do was to go into the lion's den without an ulterior motive.

No one really dared to talk to the PE teacher about anything else besides school.

Plus, you could already imagine all the worst case scenarios if he was in a particularly bad mood today, and...let's just say that detention would potentially be the second best option.

He really wasn't the best person to talk to.

But in this case...

You looked up at the spinning blades of the fan again, and felt the swirl of cool air blow through your hair gently.

Maybe he was.

At such a comforting touch, you tried your best to ignore the pounding headache dragging you down; and with painstakingly mustered courage, you spoke.

"T-Teacher, do you have Dowoon's number? Like, the one who was our senior?"

Regret kicked in the second you had spoke of Dowoon's name, and you could literally feel your temples and limbs lose all sense of gravity as your reputation crashed to the floor. You could feel your heartbeat go into allegro, pounding onto every organ in your body as the PE teacher looked up with the most unreadable expression on his face.

Sweat emitted disgustingly from your scalp as your chest rose and fell back in waves, failing terribly to compose yourself. This is it, you dreaded your indelible fate that was to come as the PE teacher raised his eyebrows-you were barely standing up already, and you could feel your kneecaps wobble unhelpfully under the tendrils of anxiety.

I'm doomed for life, Dowoon's gonna think I'm a stalker, and-

"Hahahaha."

Laughter rolled out in the depth of that intimidating voice, like coffee spilt over a cleanly lacquered table.

You felt your eyes widen as you looked up at the teacher again, still grasping for breath as your heart refused to stop beating-after all, collapsing on the spot seemed like the best path in such an awkward situation.

Especially when he looked at you with amusement twinkling in the corners of his slit-shaped eyes.

"So, what next? You're asking, me? To help you with your half baked attempt of asking a senior out on a date?" he snarled sarcastically, getting out of his seat and approaching you. The corners of his mouth tugged at a smirk, baring his set of sharp teeth; the jaws of a wolf, that spelt warning at its finest, and in all your shock, you recoiled back.

You didn't think this was how it would end up; no, not like this.

Just then, you felt a hand arrest your wrists tightly, digging holes in your skin.

The pain from the wolf's claws amplified your vocal cords as you screamed, causing all the other teachers out there to look at you from their desks, and inside, you wanted to cry; you had never been humiliated so bad in your entire life.

"In your dreams."

Just like that, with the help of a brute force you were mercilessly thrown out of the staff room, and before you could even put a foot on the floor to stabilise yourself you heard a loud bang behind you-followed by the even more painful sound of the lock seizing the entrance of it.

You got up, slightly blank, slightly hollow, slightly lost-as you walked a bit further, heart feeling heavy with all the baggage in your chest-before the feelings got hold of your throat, and tumbled out through your eyes unashamedly.

You were way too sad to hide any further.

Pathetically, to do all you could to mask the feelings that had crept up onto you, through the not so fair play of fate; you held a wrist to your face as you sprinted back to class, with a scar zipped across it, just as it had done for your broken heart.

__________________________________________

"I'm sorry for what happened today...but I'm happy that senior was able to bring you so far." he barely managed, with his smooth, soft voice that seemed to skim lightly over the atmosphere of the café; just like the soft cream that had been drizzled meticulously over the cup of coffee on the table.

You weren't taking it, the coffee that he had made for you not too long ago. Not really that you had anything against him, no-definitely not your caring, gentle coworker, but you didn't really have the mood to drink anything as of now...You sighed briefly, dusting your apron to keep yourself preoccupied, but still not managing to let off all the steam in your body.

The incident had very admittedly, left you scarred; very literally and mentally. Leftover embarrassment was still tugging at the corners of your heart, begging to be attended to while you tried your best to shrug it off, and walked to the counter to unlock the cashier; the cheery ring of the bell above the door had struck at a rather unconventional time, and a customer was already walking in.

It wasn't very fair that they'd have to put up with your emotional baggage when they were here to get a drink, maybe even to destress and wind down for the day.

"Pil-ah, it's okay, I don't really want a drink as of now." you played it off as calmly as you could, slotting the key into the box and letting it slide open with a click. "You can drink it or something, you don't look too energised yourself."

A disappointed whine echoed back in response to your lousy excuse; there was no way Wonpil was going to believe such a stupid reply, and you could already anticipate his nagging voice as he opened his mouth.

"Heyyyyy, come on...don't be like this, I've known you for so long already. You've got to take care of yourself, even when you're sad."

The last line got you hard, and as you saw the customer's eyes widen in judgement behind her mop of ashy bangs, you couldn't help but glare back at him.

"Wonpil, I said I was okay." you deadpanned with added pressure, however, subsequently feeling guilt crawling onto your nerves after realising how mean that had sounded. His features had softened considerably, with a slightly hurt look in his big, innocent eyes, and you didn't really want to hurt anyone else when you yourself had been hurt enough.

"I'm sorry, just-I'm tired from today." you sighed helplessly, having been pushed into a corner, and being his understanding self, Wonpil nodded back with concern laced in his seemingly nonchalant smile.

After making sure everything was more or less alright, you hastily attended back to the customer, who was looking slightly frustrated with how long you were taking-and after she had ordered her iced americano, she looked a little more satisfied as she took a seat by the table nearest to the window.

It wasn't surprising; the weather today was warm. Lances of golden sunlight had dropped by the café, gracing its interior in its crisp, evening glow, and very miserably, laughing at your bad mood that contrasted with it.

"Are you okay now?"

You turned around to see Wonpil, eyebrows raised, hands rested in the pockets of his apron; and a rare, but serious look in his eyes as he prepared to listen to you.

As much as you didn't want him to worry over you, you knew how stubbornly insistent he was with getting things off your chest, so nevertheless, you opened your mouth-wondering what you had done to deserve his grace at the back of your mind.

"I-It's nothing really, it's just-" you exhaled, breaking into a nervous box smile as you ran a hand through your hair, barely having the right state of mind to continue, "I really wanted to thank him for his kindness and how he cared for my growth so selflessly, but apart from being so embarrassed by the teacher, not being able to do that anymore-it makes me feel so, so bad, knowing that I was never able to do anything for him, because I really, really miss him, and-"

"Don't say anymore. I understand."

You felt Wonpil's hand descend onto your back, like the touch of a small, but pretty little butterfly as it fluttered over the expanse of your spine, caressing it gently and hushing your shaking nerves.

All the thoughts had miserably, coaxed your feelings forward, and without knowing, you had started to cry again as you held your palms to your face-trying your best not to cry too loudly as you let out small, uncontrollable sobs.

"T-Thank you so much." you choked awkwardly, not knowing any better way to express your gratitude, and even in the darkness of your closed eyes, you could already picture Wonpil's relaxed, comforting smile playing on the sides of his face as he chuckled softly.

Just then, a cough cut in, putting a halt to your sobs and causing both of you to turn to the customer.

"Um...I'm sorry to interrupt this moment, but can I have three iced lattes? Please?" he said, carrying a half air, half voice tone-and with the guidance of your instinct your head immediately shot up from your palms.

There was only one person you knew with such a voice-the one you heard when you had first met the school alumni.

"P-Park Jaehyung?" you yelled instinctively, and your own eyes revealed the truth to you quickly-lean, rosy cheeks, big lips, small, droopy eyes, that were now widened into large circles as they stared back at you, with equally as much surprise in his gaze.

"Ohhhhh my! Y-You're the junior that trained with Dowoon a lot, right?" In his hearty voice, he exclaimed almost disbelievingly, but causing you to blush furiously; it was rather weird being so closely associated with him. "And hey, don't be rude-how dare you call a senior by their full name." he added on teasingly, and both of you laughed.

"I think I'll make the drinks for today-you definitely need to catch up with him, someone might be there waiting for you." Wonpil's voice said behind you understandingly, and you said a quick thank you with a smile before walking over to Jaehyung's seat.

"Oh, sorry for my impoliteness, Your Highness, Park Jaehyung, my queen-does this make it better now?" you retorted quickly, with a cheeky smirk on your face and triggering a gasp from him.

"Excuse me? Your audacity? Oh, and by that guy's sound, you sound like you're only here to see Dowoon, how sad-he isn't here, because I'm the most significant out of everyone there." he snickered back, laughing even harder when you stuck out your tongue back at him pettily-but to your surprise, it didn't last very long.

"Jaehyungie-hyung, don't be so mean! I'm here, hi! I haven't seen you in so long, are you doing okay?" a deep voice exclaimed, causing your jaw to drop even further, if that was even possible-and your feelings seemed to arrest all the air in your chest, just for a second-when you once again, saw the big, believing eyes of a child and his kind, untainted smile.

It was the boy that had spent countless hours under the sun, pushing you towards your goals endlessly.

It wasn't just any person, a random school alumni that had came to their transit stop for a while to leave again-it was Dowoon, Yoon Dowoon, of all people that you could have seen on that miserable day of yours.

It seemed almost intangible, yet so palpable as you ran to him, calling his name, as your hands managed to even hug his taller figure again-you could have nearly cried when you felt his bigger palm crash against your back with sincerity, and while you heard Dowoon's deep voice roll out a long string of laughter, commenting jokingly, "Man, I never knew a girl would miss me so much," you sort of wanted to smack him-yet was definitely in awe of the fact that you could hear that laughter again.

You'd never think that you would have heard it ever again.

"Shut up, I'm just here because you got me a second place position in running, loser." you giggled it off coolly, but failing terribly to hide the happiness stupidly written all over your face as Dowoon's smile angled up further, wearing his pride proudly on his sleeve as he gave you a high five.

"Really? Oh my gosh, that's so amazing! I'm so proud of my student." he laughed, childlike eyes widening in happiness and amplifying his innocence. "You deserve it man, you trained so hard for the test-definitely more commitment than I think you would have had."

"Ow, thanks a lot for the last comment, jeez, alright, I know I suck." you jutted out your lips in faux sadness, clutching your heart to your chest-but quickly remembering why you were so happy to see him again, you hastily added, "But thanks anyway, for guiding me. Couldn't have done it without you, taking so much time off your break."

There. I finally said it, you thought happily, allowing yourself a small grin when Dowoon rejected your praises quickly, hurriedly saying, "No, no, I didn't really do anything," and starting to ramble on about how you had done so much more to deserve it-his eyes got even bigger when he was in slight shock, and he looked the part of a small, innocent child more than ever.

"And oh, right." Dowoon suddenly spoke up amidst the topic of running, grabbing your attention. You couldn't help but giggle when he was about to open his mouth to speak, but instead-shut it again and started tugging the edges of his hair, mouthing things to himself with eyes squeezed together tightly-probably a long string of Jaehyung's 'motivational quotes.

A part of your heart fluttered at the purity his very being exuded-he was really, very cute.

But in all your mirth, you couldn't help it-you absolutely had to smack him.

"Yoon Dowoon, hurry up!" you snapped quickly, however with a cheeky smile that showed your real intentions. Dowoon was momentarily taken aback-but his features quickly softened after, when he realised you were joking.

"Sorry for being such a big mess, it's just..." he barely smiled softly, breaking out into further nervous laughter when Jaehyung and Younghyun started to beat his back repeatedly.

"Do you want to go out with us today? We're going to my place further out from the city, and uh...we're setting off fireworks and having a picnic around there and playing our instruments and stuff-" There was probably going to be no end to his rambling if Younghyun hadn't gave him a loud slap on his back-at this point, the creases in his eyes and sheepish box smile showed it all; he was incredibly, incredibly flustered, and to your dismay-also incredibly endearing.

But still, you couldn't miss grabbing the opportunity to tease him. You lifted your lips into a smirk, rocking your shoes against the foot of the table as you cooed, "Aww, is my senior asking me out on a date? I'd love to go with you, aww, Dowoonie..." Everyone in the place, yes, including that grumpy female customer; broke into fits of giggles, raising the atmosphere of the previously still, 'cultured' public place as you chased after Dowoon, who was currently running away from you and ducked his head to hide under the table.

"Haha, why are you genuinely scared? I was only joking, you're so adorable." you grinned cheekily as you saw the blush dancing above his round, squishy cheeks and the embarrassment in his semi opened eyes, "I'll come with you. It's quite timely as well, since I've had quite a bad day at school...You know what, I'll say later. I gotta finish my shift first, Wonpil can't possibly do everything for me." you quickly added when you saw his eyebrows widen in slight concern, and with a good-natured, outstretched wrist you helped Dowoon up from the table; who was quick to stick out his tongue when he saw that Jaehyung and Younghyun were still unable to contain the mirth written across their faces.

"So, I'll see you at 7 then?" he smiled awkwardly, trying his best to ignore them, and you nodded back eagerly as you walked him out of the shop, and into the embrace of the outdoors again.

It seemed so coincidental, that even as Jaehyung and Younghyun had simultaneously tagged along behind the two of you and out into the open, the sun was only blazing through the gaps in Dowoon's curls-girdling the ridges of his shoulders, slicing through the sides of his face and oozing into the crevices of his warm, faith-filled eyes.

You smiled.

The world was so beautiful.

"See you later! Don't miss me too much!" you yelled out to Dowoon jokingly, as he and the other boys got into the small scooters they shared-and after he had yelled back with equal gusto, "Back at you!", the three scooters sped in the other direction; hopefully, anticipating the time where they came back the other way again, because you sure were.

_____________________________

unknown: It's 7 lol have you ended your shift yet?

you: Yeah I have! Are you Dowoon or...?

unknown: No I'm Brian #sike

unknown: Please ignore that, Jaehyungie-hyung took my phone, I don't know what he's doing with his weird hashtags again TTTTTTTTT

you: HAHAHAHA TELL HIM HE SUCKS

you: It's nice to have your number though...it sucked not being able to contact you :( How did you get it anyway?

Dowoon: Yeah hhhh Wonpil told me earlier :) I didn't think you would mind...so

you: Haha of course not! Anyway, are you on the way?

Dowoon: Wouldn't dare to be late, I'm already here hehe ^^

Your head shot up with excitement, nearly screaming as you saw three headlights blaze at you, from the curtain of darkness that had shrouded the city not too long ago. It was around autumn right about now, and you were rather sensitive to the cold-so seeing their warm presence was quite comforting.

Noticing that you were already hanging up your apron and practically bouncing to the kitchen to clean up, Wonpil couldn't help but throw a good-natured laugh at you. "Someone's excited for their first date." he remarked suggestively, cleaning the used table under the illumination of the light bulb hanging above him, and if it wasn't for the distance between both of you you would have probably kicked him in response.

"Shut uuuuup, there's literally 2 other boys goiiiiing." you whined, taking one of the leftover plates scattered across the sink and soaping it,"-The chances of you and I dating just about now is probably way higher than Dowoon...well, at least, I've known you for about a year plus right now, and him, 6 months at most." Wonpil couldn't help but giggle again at the uncertainty in your voice, and pettily, you stamped your feet on the floor.

"There's no way my future partner will be someone as mean as you, I take all my words back." you pouted jokingly, and subsequently, starting to laugh at yourself too-this conversation was going absolutely nowhere.

"Hey, but in all seriousness, I think you should just go. Don't make them wait too long, after all, one of them is your future boyfriend. I'll take care of wrapping up." Wonpil spoke up again, approaching you as he hung the cloth by the arch of the sink, and took the plate from your hand kindly-gesturing for you to wash your hands as he pointed to the tap.

With unmasked gratitude you smiled back at him, washing your hands briefly before taking your phone from the counter, "Thanks again, Pil-ah; and one more freaking thing, before I have to repeat it a second time, there is no way Dowoon is going to be my boyfriend." you remarked strictly, taking your school bag from the seat close to the door and slinging it over your shoulder excitedly-the events of tonight sounded incredibly fun.

"Thank me by inviting me to your future wedding!" Wonpil screamed in his high pitched voice when you opened the door, with the silvery chime of the bell above it-and this time, you really, really wanted to kick him, because outside, in the cold of the night Jaehyung was literally having the time of his life laughing at you and nodding back to Wonpil in agreement (one of the rare times where he actually sided him).

"Boys suck." you groaned pettily as Dowoon, with unmistakeable redness on his face gestured for you to get onto the back of his scooter, and Younghyun laughed.

"Doesn't seem that way with our Dowoonie, am I right?" his unmistakeable fox eyes shot you a small wink, which was sort of annoying-till he yelled smugly, "Good luck on being the first there with extra baggage! Not like anyone ever manages to triumph me anyway."

With that, Younghyun's scooter whizzed off, black coat and black locks fluttering behind him care freely, like how his very personality was-and soon, Jaehyung's scooter whizzed off too, the only thing behind him being his screams of "I'm GONNA BEAT YOU THIS TIME, BRIAN!", and you couldn't help but giggle a bit-the antics of those two were always so stupidly humouring.

"Sorry, they can be a bit of a public embarrassment." Dowoon laughed helplessly, shaking his head, and with a small smile you too shook your head; you were totally fine with them, and you'd even say that having them around was enjoyable. "-Jihyo and Chaewon are actually joining us later, but they weren't comfortable on the scooter, and we need someone to drive our instruments."

He paused for a bit to catch his breath, expelling a small puff of white before explaining, "I hope you're okay with it too-the scooter can feel very unbalanced at first, but I think you can handle it. This sounds incredibly awkward, but you gotta hold onto my waist, or you'll probably fall off within a second of me accelerating. Alright? Don't want to be responsible for your medical fees." Dowoon ended off with a joking crease in his smirk before he tossed you a neon yellow helmet from the basket of the scooter, and you nodded before putting it on.

He thrusted the key into the slot rather vigorously, and soon there was a dull roar from the engine behind you, and at his command, you awkwardly positioned your hands at his waist area. Admittedly, it felt pretty good, however-the coat that hugged his waist was made of soft, thick brown fabric, and it reminded you of your honey scented sheets back at home.

"Ready to ride?" he suddenly piped up, happiness laced in his deep, comforting voice, and you shot him a thumbs up sign.

"Always ready." you answered eagerly, and with a louder roar from the engine than before, both of you sped out towards the moon, that lay on the horizon of the shimmering sea.

________________________

You felt like you were riding on the brim of a cloud as the wind zipped through your hair and your jacket, starting to take flight and flutter violently behind you like kites in the sky. The feeling of being so close to land, yet so far up into the sky was so indescribable-gravity accelerated the thrill in your heart as Dowoon let out a long, unceremonious scream, cheering for the destination that wasn't too far from where you were.

"We're almost here!" he broke into a small gummy smile beneath the mop of his fluttering curls-they seemed to run across the border of his forehead, like running waves crashing beautifully onto the shore of a beach.

However, contrary to your imagination, the river that surrounded all of you in its big embrace was especially quiet-only letting small dribbles of light from the lighthouse float gently above the surface of the waves as both of you moved past, like bioluminescent lily pads that had descended from the glow of the moon. Mountains foreshadowed the road ahead mysteriously, painted in a darker shade of navy than the star speckled-sky above both of you, and the road to the picnic area was long and windy, snaking out into a canopy of trees relaxedly.

"You'd never get anything like this in the city." you said in slight awe, hands slowly finding themselves crawling up to Dowoon's broad shoulders as you dared to hoist yourself up, breaking up from your posture a tad bit, and as you felt one of his curls brush past your wrists, he laughed his slow, deep laugh in response.

"You're cute. I had a friend that didn't live in Busan as a kid, and he lived in the more country area-he would probably protest if he heard what you just said..." His deep voice trailed off softly, seeming to follow the snaking nature of the concrete road ahead of you. "-Nevertheless, I'm happy we're here. It's nice to ride out here with someone."

His eyes, which had now stopped displaying the light of the sun to catch the glow of the moon, was still as warm as ever in the cold weather. With undeniable faith tinting the light that ringed his eyes, half opened submissively and bringing out the semi rosy tint in his bags, the carefree smile on his lips and the uplift of his cheeks resembling floating clouds didn't fail to bring you back in awe again; it was as if all laws of astronomy tailed after his presence, and followed in the footsteps of his unbreakable belief.

"You're really very beautiful." the words left your lips through an airy whisper, and you were too busy staring at him again to even notice what you said until Dowoon spoke up again.

"U-Um...Me? R-Really? Thanks, I guess..." his eyes bore a different spark to it as they drooped shyly, like a mimosa recoiling at someone's touch-and as the truth dawned onto you slowly, mixed feelings of embarrassment and self-blame kicked in a little too fast-you really, really wanted to kick yourself for saying that.

Trying to salvage the situation, you quickly spoke up upon seeing his tilted eyebrows and the embarrassment written on his face. "I-I didn't mean that in a weird way, I'm sorry, not that I don't love your looks-or not that I don't love you any less, i-it's just-" you stuttered awkwardly, brain stupidly failing you at this crucial moment-but being a nice guy, Dowoon just shook his head briefly.

With a small smile breaking onto his face, not fully suggestive; yet not fully chaste, he responded in awe, big eyes widening with more faith than before.

"No, no, please don't apologise, because..." Dowoon spoke with the smile of reuniting with someone again, overly excited to articulate his words properly, "B-Because, I-"

"Dowoon! What's taking you so long, can you drive faster? You're almost there already, hurry up!" Jaehyung's voice suddenly broke through the world that only both of you shared, halting the climax of the story. He and Younghyun were on a higher end of a cliff, where the destination was, and you could already see their hands waving vigorously in your direction. Jihyo and Chaewon had arrived too-you could see two figures with long hair sit on a big red mat.

"What was that you were going to say?" you asked, as the scooter started to move again; both of you had been so immersed in conversation that you hadn't even realised that Dowoon stopped the vehicle to talk.

However, contrary to what you thought he was going to say, Dowoon shook his head almost nonchalantly, losing a bit of the faith in his gaze as he looked down with baggy eyes of dejection.

He squeezed his lips into a textbook version of a smile and talked at a slower pace, this time more scarily composed than before. "I-It's nothing. I don't know if I'll have the courage to tell you again."

The entire trip to the cliff went downhill in a veil of awkward silence, both of you knowing full well in your hearts why such a thing had happened. Wind rocketed past your ears silently, blowing against your ears and hitting against your hair-as if coaxing you to speak, but right now, you didn't know if you had the courage to say anything to him when you had made him sad.

In less than a minute, the scooter had surfaced up the flatter parts of the cliff, and you decided that this was the best moment to speak up.

"I'm sorry if I made you sad or anything." you mumbled awkwardly, stepping out of the scooter and nearly losing your balance-having your feet on the ground after 2 whole hours seemed like a foreign concept to your legs right about now.

Dowoon shook a hand at you almost instantly. "You've made me more happy than I could ever imagine." he said unhesitantly, and this time, smiled at you with a more genuine smile. For a second, you could see the faith of the crescent moon resurface back on the ring of his eyes as he continued, "Just have fun tonight, that's all I ask for."

You nodded back, returning his smile; and with a new, strangely fluttering feeling in your heart you followed Dowoon to the picnic mat, where Jihyo and Chaewon were sitting, dressed in casual clothing-you felt slightly out of place, decked out in your sloppy, mud-speckled school uniform as you greeted them shyly, sitting yourself onto the mat. But thankfully, the girls initiated conversations well-definitely way better than you did, and within seconds, you hadn't even realised that Dowoon had slipped away to somewhere else.

"So, how's life after finals?" Jihyo asked cheerily, or rather, the way she usually talked; it wasn't rare to see that consistent, bright smile of hers plastered on her doll like face.

You didn't exactly know how to answer. "I don't really know. After school today I have that 4 month break that most have, so what happened after your break?" You started to laugh as you realised how you had redirected the topic back to them, and both of them started doing the same.

"Hmm-hahaha-I'd say that college life is still manageable, I've been doing it for about 2 months plus." Jihyo answered, failing to contain her laughter at one point as she squeezed her eyes together endearingly. "Chaewon is entering a polytechnic, so she has about 2 months more to break, same with Dowoon, Jaehyung and Younghyun want to go to a uni, so they're going to college too, but I don't know...like. I really don't know what I want in life yet..."

Her voice trailed off awkwardly, with the fading smear of her chirpy voice, and you couldn't help but relate. Sure, you had a subject combination and you had did pretty good in finals, but you didn't have a certain passion you would shirk everything to chase; not like many of the people in your class, who were already able to aim their arrows towards their target.

"It's okay. I'm sure you'll find it soon when the time arrives, I'm looking for what I want too." you said with empathy, and in response Jihyo nodded politely.

"I suppose."

All of you talked for a while longer, on less serious topics-occasionally breaking out in laughter when Jihyo came up with one of her silly, yet timely antics, and going soft hours when Chaewon showed all of you pictures of her labrador-it was a he, with a slender, healthy body and adorable marble eyes.

After a while of staring, you had only come to realise that the mahogany, soft brown shade of his fur was the same colour you saw, inked intricately in the depths of Dowoon's eyes.

Just then, there was a very coincidental, but hesitant tap on your shoulders.

"Can you come with me?" a low voice spoke up amidst the cooing over the dog, and you looked up, despite already recognising who it was.

This time, his gaze looked a little different; you couldn't help but feel slightly excited as you noticed the enigmatic sparkle that stood out amidst his gentle, brown eyes, taking his outstretched hand and standing up.

"Yoon Dowoon, I'm warning you, if you don't bring her back safely, we will tail after you with bats and split your head open." Jihyo suddenly spoke up with a glint in her big, doll eyes, voice cracking menacingly at the last line-and again, both of you laughed at her antics.

"Don't worry, I won't." he laughed awkwardly, voice faltering at the last line. You couldn't help but notice that Dowoon's cheeks were starting to heat up, but quickly ignored it when he gestured at you to follow him.

Contrary to what you thought it would be, the walk to the destination wasn't very long, unlike earlier on. From the angle of the picnic mat, a loudspeaker in the distance was clearly visible. Next to it were two other figures, Younghyun and Jaehyung-with a bass and electric guitar slung around their chests respectively.

Needlessly to say, you were shocked. "They can play those?" you exclaimed, and with a small nod, Dowoon chuckled gleefully, "Look to your left."

Without a moment of thought, you turned your head.

Cymbals, glinting on the cusp of its dully golden surface like the rings of Saturn, with two smaller drums and a large bass drum positioned at the bottom-it seemed like you were exaggerating, but...

"Dowoon, you can play that? " you cried out, faltering a little at the last word, but unlike how you had reacted, he just smiled like it wasn't that great of a feat to play the drums.

"Not just that, I'm going to play you a song." he responded triumphantly, as he approached the spinning chair behind it and sat down. A smug smile remained on his face unwaveringly as he bent down to pick up his drumsticks, humming a gentle tune between his lips-and you couldn't help but smile, wondering if that was the very song they were about to play.

"This is all for you by the way," Younghyun cut in, a malicious smirk playing on the sides of his lips as you turned to him, "-We have a school recital tomorrow, and we've practically practiced this song till we could play it with closed eyes-but our naughty youngest absolutely insisted on playing this instead of anything else, just because of his-"

"OKAY, OKAY, I think that's about enough." Dowoon shouted obnoxiously, with a slightly annoyed, slightly red look on his face, and everyone started to laugh.

"Take it away then, drummer boy." you said enthusiastically, remaining rooted to the ground in anticipation.

You definitely weren't ready for the moment he started to position those drumsticks of his.

As the guitar kicked off the song, while layered by the low consistency of the bass, you smiled unconsciously as you let the melody hum in your voice softly. It was in A major, a nice, steady rhythm; and more so when a string of clashes echoed from the cymbals, not too far away from where you were-before there was another silvery tap, followed up by what sounded like the rustle of leaves.

Then, as the melody descended down a few keys, Jaehyung rasped gently into the mic, like the soft blow of the night breeze surrounding you.

Every day I lived like I was dead But you

Became the reason For me to get up Once more You made me wanna open my eyes

In sync with the bass, your heart thumped against your chest-and you stared at Dowoon, who gave you a small smile, before going into a rapid flurry of beats yet again.

Just your smile alone Makes me breathe Because of you, I'm Better better Better baby Only your love Makes the frozen me Start to run again Higher higher Higher baby

The reason for all this looked back at you knowingly, with the same spark of faith spinning confidently in his eyes; as if he understood what he meant to you, and then, the night sky seemed to tear down from the face of the earth, and enclasp itself in the centre of his eyes.

I used to never wait for tomorrow But you Became the reason For me to take one more step Not too far ahead You held out your hand to me

Just your smile alone Makes me breathe Because of you, I'm Better better Better baby Only your love Makes the frozen me Start to run again Higher higher Higher baby The bass suddenly made no more sound, and soon, the music stopped with your heart.

"You must be confused now." Dowoon's low voice suddenly whispered at a distance awfully near where you were standing, and startling you; yet resonating so comfortingly in your ears while he spoke.

As he locked eyes with yours, the light promisingly dancing on the sides of his pupils held the lights of the stars in them-still the ones of a child, maybe even believing more than ever; and in all your awe you began to speak hastily, not knowing what to do.

"I-I don't know, I'm happy-and these words are what I've been meaning to say to you for the longest time, you mean a lot to me, and heck, I don't even know if I could have survived running without you, there's no way you could have known-"

"These words are the words I want to say to you too."

Your eyes widened as he said those words hopefully, taking your wrists-and all the signs of red surfacing across his cheeks, with the smiles that only he could have made you smile with; to the unsure, dull gaze you had seen at your first meeting, to the beautiful, starry sky you could barely fathom in the depth of his big, believing eyes.

"I wanted to drop by your school to visit, but I heard from your friends that you were hurting a lot today, so I didn’t end up going." he said quietly, now holding up the wrist with the thin, ugly scar zipped across it and kissing it; at that moment, you could barely believe the warmth that was withheld between every fibre in the soft, pillowy surface as Dowoon looked up at you again. "And I don't want to leave you like that again. Thank you for understanding me with that kind heart of yours, when I could barely have the willpower to train the batch, and bringing me so much happiness."

He paused for a bit, and as if his voice was a conductor, your breath halted simultaneously-before he opened his mouth again, and eagerly said the words that would change your life forever.

"I want to run with you forever."

You could barely contain yourself from crying again when the feelings gushed to your head, came raining down from your eyes as tears, and through all your emotions, you nodded vigorously.

"I want to do the same, Dowoon," you sniffed, barely stabilising yourself as you felt his callused hands land on your shoulders gently, holding you close to his chest, rising and falling in waves-he too, was crying; and you never wanted to leave that place again.

Just your smile alone Makes me breathe Because of you, I'm Better better Better baby Only your love Makes the frozen me Start to run again Higher higher Higher baby

From that day on, both of you ran not only across the running track in your school, but in the race of life, hand in hand-smiles being the breath in each other's lungs, and love being the reason to keep going.

Only your love could make the me who was stuck run again.

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HECK THIS WAS SO CRINGEY AND CORNY IM SORRY ILL EDIT IT WHEN I HAVE TIME LOL!!! ugh I had sm fun tho lol Dowoon is really so precious and amazing aaaa ;;; also, I feel like I was only able to write this so well because of God, who plays the character of Dowoon and way more than that in my life-being the breath in my lungs and the reason to keep going, so really, all the glory be to Him, I have never wrote with such understanding of a concept like love and He really is so omnipresent and amazing in even everything I write even if I don't mention Him directly!!!

hehe I really like this story uwu its not the best and its way too long than it should have been but it will hold a special place in my heart!! to the anon that requested this I'm sorry if u expected a short read with a much more light hearted topic to 'cheering you up after a bad day at school' JHDSJKFHS HAHAHAHA gosh anyway I hope y'all enjoyed this if you even finished it, thanks for your support!! I'm writing this on my birthday so I gotta go sleep now, happy 2019 to everyone!