#sorry this scene is all i ever think about.

[rafescurtainbangz]

A Milkmaid Sundress - Rafe Cameron

curvy!femalereader +18ish fluffy💕

This is part 1 of my Lost Asks Series where I do my best to recall the 20 asks I lost 😭

Anon Ask: best friend Rafe who has always had a thing for the reader

Unedited

Short (sorry I don't have a word count)

Rafe’s lashes beat just before clearing his throat, his ocean eyes floating between your gaze and your lips dipping lower from time to time when he thinks you won’t notice. The outfit was intentional, picked just for him, your body wearing like it was meant to be worn. Rafe rests his large hand on your lower back, watching your body arch ever so slightly; the curves of your breasts even more pronounced, making him shift in his pressed blue slacks.

Of course, he had to tell you something intimate, nothing out of the ordinary considering you’re best friends, intimacy coming by way of his lips brushing the shell of your ear as his strong chest presses against your breast. His voice is gravelly and soft, raspy in a way that tickles your ear, making you turn your cheek into him even more as he tells you about some drama between Topper and his new girl. He thought he was being slick, the blonde tugging lightly at the strings of the bow that sat prettily between your breasts. It was just light enough that he assumed you wouldn't notice but you did, after you waited for him to mention it first. Rafe rolls out the tension in his neck as he catches sight of your delicate lace bra, thinking to himself how satisfying it would be to tear it before tearing into you. The sexual tension alone leaving him on edge.

His eyes never leave you as you step away from the bar, wandering toward the bathroom as the material moves with you. Your plump ass bounces with each step you take, the nervous rapping of his ringed-finger on the wood bartop keeping time with your steps.

Would this be the moment that he made a move? Maybe he could catch you in the hallway before you came back?

He surveys the scene before strutting just a few steps, his jaw clenching at the opportunity lost as he catches sight of you. His eyes roll back as he takes you in for what seems like the first time as his focus falls to the bottom. The high slit up the middle of your thigh taunts him with every movement as you walk closer and closer. Rafe, not realizing he was holding his breath until you opened your mouth.

“I have to go,” you sigh. Rafe’s whole demeanor shifts, thinking the two of you would spend the afternoon with your friends sipping drinks.

“You sure?” He asks as his hand lands on your hip, making him even more desperate as he feels the warmth of your skin underneath.

“Sorry,” you breathe patting his chest and walking away.

It's like you can feel his eyes on you, studying you until you fall out of view. You smile to yourself biting your lip as you watch the text message that you sent in the bathroom shift from unread to read. Wanna get outta here? Finishing it all off with a picture of your pretty laced-covered tits and glossed pout.

You step out of the country club and into the parking lot, heels clicking against the cobblestone walk for not but two seconds until you’re pulled back. Rafe claims your lips, hands cupping your cheeks as your wide-eyed flutter shut. It's a deep, passionate kiss, the kinda of kiss you’ve been wanting from him for years. Rafe pulls away for a moment, a soft breath and a smile felt against your lips, just a caesura before going in for more. His large hands hug your ribs; thumbs brushing the bottom of your breasts before finding their final resting place just above your ass, bunching the material just enough to tease.

“Let's get outta here, princess.”

Hi! If you don't see your name on here the username wasn't populating an account 💕 if you would like to sign up again or let me know I can add you

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[jewish-vents]

As a proud Jew and a member of the Iŋalit Iñupiaq people I have never felt as seen as reading a Choctaw Jew's post on here. Christian missionaries hauled my people off of our lands and killed most of us and they didn't even inhabit the land. They didn't even build shit there, they just took it to take it, and I'm supposed to go "ah yes America has no colonizers" and not laugh when these people say "Hebrew is a colonizer language"? Motherfuckers, MY LANGUAGE IS EXTINCT BECAUSE OF YOU! You know who didn't ever try and force a language on anyone? The Ashke Jewish man my great-great grandmother fell for and married. People really expect me to be onboard with their fact-free zero colonialism rewrite of history while my people's lands remain off limits to us, illegal to even visit, the US government holding onto it on the off chance there might be oil there even though they never bothered to even drill for it in over 70 years.

"No other religion acts like this" first of all please read up on Islamic imperialism and get your boot off the neck of my indigenous Middle Eastern brethren and secondly Christian-governed Alaska wouldn't let Native students attend school with "American" children - that is literally how the law phrased it - unless we abandoned our language, our clothes, our songs, our stories, our religion and even traditions as basic as sharing food with poor families in the community. You wanna know how my great-great grandmother met my great-great grandfather? They were both arrested for violating the law and "indoctrinating" children into "Native, anti-European practices" by which I mean THEY WERE BOTH ARRESTED FOR GIVING FOOD TO POOR PEOPLE. They were both arrested by CHRISTIANS!

And people mistake my brown skin for proof of goy status and want to talk shit about how the only good colonizer is a dead colonizer. You're white and you're in ALASKA, you might want to rethink the words coming out of your mouth when most of your ancestors came here to mine gold and get rich and mistreat indigenous people. Even if I accepted the idea that Israel is doing colonialism, which I do not, nobody moved to Israel to get rich and rape indigenous women with impunity to the point where there are words in Inuit languages for gangrape done by white men.

I don't want to hear another thing from a white goy in Alaska about Israel being colonizers when the US bought Alaska from Russia. We were colonized twice for you to get to be here and tell me to my face how colonizers are bad. AND THEN people want to say my Ashke ancestors were colonizers. Fleeing Russia is not colonization, one, and two, WHY DO YOU THINK THEY LEFT?! For fun? What, they heard our weather was nice and wanted to come visit?

I am going to need white goyim to learn US history before they open their mouths.

I'm sorry this is long and I yelled/capslocked but I have had to bite my tongue so many times to not cause a scene because I don't want the university to come up with an excuse not to let me graduate due to poor conduct. It is so tiring. I feel like I'm holding my breath all the time. Graduation is tomorrow. Shabbat shalom.

.

[prentisssgf]

| change the prophecy

| criminal minds

| emily prentiss x reader

| hurt / comfort

| 1634

| A/N - there are a few trigger warnings for this fic, including abortion talk, vomit, death, (basically the after effects of demonology, and when she was pregnant at 15), there is a scene where I talk about blaming someone’s death on someone else so please if you know that it will trigger you, don’t read it, otherwise I kind of tried something new with my writing style so please let me know what you think

You woke up around 2:30am to the sound of shuffling, you knew Emily and you knew that it would be her.

You heard her shrug off her coat and throw her keys into the bowl, you heard her hang her coat up and the sound of her heels as she kicked them off as she made her way into the kitchen to grab herself a glass of wine

You also heard her sigh to herself as she sat down on the couch

"Baby?" your voice both startled and calmed her, not expecting you to be behind her, but a gratefulness that you were.

"Oh my God Y/N I'm so sorry, did I wake you?" she quickly placed the glass down and made her way over to you.

"No no, I was up anyway" you spoke before you thought, making it so it sounded like you waited up for her all this time.

You both knew it was a lie, you were always in bed at 10, 11 would be pushing it, you definitely were not going to be awake at, now, 2:45am

Emily nodded, she knew you weren't telling the truth but she also knew that this lie was harmless.

"Emily I'm-"

"I'm coming to bed, baby, you go up and I'll be right there" Emily finished your sentence, already knowing what you were about to say.

Emily smiled as she made her way over to you, kissing your head and then your lips "sure" you smiled looking up at her with every single love and admiration a person could speak with their eyes.

3:08 was when Emily finally walked through your bedroom door "bad case?" you whispered so quietly that you hoped she didn't hear you.

"No not a case" she sighed as she slotted herself into bed with you.

"Oh" your eyebrow perked up "do you want to talk about it?" you lay there, now face to face with Emily, you both leaning with an elbow propped up, you stuck out your hand to swipe some hair behind her eyes.

"It's about Matthew"

You remembered when Emily confided in you, almost 2 years ago, you remembered how Matthew and how he encouraged her to go to an abortion clinic when she was 15 and pregnant and scared.

"What about him sweetheart?" you whispered gently.

She waited a few minutes, she pulled you closer to her by curling her hand around your waist and pushing you towards her, she rested her forehead against yours before she finally spoke again.

"He's dead, he died and I couldn't save him" that's what broke her, sobs finally broke free, she had been keeping those in from the minute she found out about his death, from when she had to go and talk to Matthew's parents and when she sat in her office for hours and hours and hours.

She sat there, for almost 4 hours; cold, scared, and alone, mirroring exactly how she felt 17 years ago, but only this time, she didn't have Matthew Benton by her side, she had you.

You pulled her in close, your chin on her head as she sobbed into your chest, you kissed her head many times as you rubbed her back all whilst whispering sweet nothings to her gently

"Emily?" you whispered, looking down at her, Emily didn't answer, instead her grip tightened as she looked up at you "hey hey it's okay, its okay, you're okay" you affirmed, Emily nodded and mouthed the same words back, you kissed her head once more "I just want you to promise me something, do you think you could do that?" you spoke softly.

"Hmm?" Emily both partially agreed whilst simultaneously wondering what you were about to say

"Promise me that if you ever need to talk to me tonight, you'll wake me up, or, or, if you have a nightmare or anything" tears fell from your face as you looked down to see Emily, she had been crying for hours and hours, she was tired and you could tell

"Yeah" she bit her lip and looked up at you, an attempt at a smile was made but faltered nonetheless "yeah I can do that?" she breathed out as she tucked her head into your chest again

Soon enough, Emily's breathing slowed down, she was exhausted and she tired herself out and she fell asleep in your arms, you kissed her head once more and you told her that you loved her and that she was the strongest person you had ever met, a slight smirk appeared on her lips to signify that she heard you which made you smile.

You watched her sleep for a few minutes before deciding do to the same, you shuffled down and kissed her shoulder as you slung your arm around her waist.

You woke up the next morning on your back with Emily's arm around your waist tightly, you screwed your eyes together as you hadn't yet adjusted to the morning sun, carefully you turned over to see a bright red "6:52" looking back at you, making you groan slightly, it was like it knew it was your day off

You kissed Emily's head once more before you went back to sleep.

You woke up a few hours later to the sound of thrashing next to you, you quickly sat up in bed to find Emily crying, with a layer of sweat down her forehead, as fast as you could you quickly sprinted to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, you ran back down the hallway into your bedroom to find Emily in the same position only now muttering to herself "I need to save him" your lip quivered as you made your way over to her, you knew how to handle Emily's nightmares, considering you had been her best friend for 5 years and together for 3.

"Emily, Emily honey, you're having a nightmare" you shook her lightly "Emily" your voice now filled with concern as she wasn't bulging "Emily" you accidentally shouted louder than you expected to.

With a huge gasp of air, Emily flung herself forward and heaved heavily, you knew what was coming so you quickly went to your bathroom to grab a bin for her to throw up in, you rubbed her back as she did so and held her hand all the way through it.

"Here" you picked up the water and slowly placed it in front of her lips "drink this" you prompted, you cleaned everything up and went back to bed, you sat up on the bed, purposely sitting behind Emily, you adjusted yourself to sit behind her as you pulled her up in between your legs, she kept quietly drinking the water, you kissed her shoulder again before leaning into her nightstand to retrieve a brush out of there, you asked silently for permission as you raised one eyebrow along with the hairbrush, she nodded and started sipping some more water.

You started brushing and playing with her hair, Emily would never admit it, but she absolutely loves people playing with and brushing her hair, she just shrugged it off as she never had an older sister or an older relative in her life that would take care of her the way you did; gently, warmly, and fully.

"I had a nightmare about Matthew" she sighed, a few minutes later.

"Okay" you gently prompted again "are you ready to talk about it?" she shook her head harshly "okay that's okay" your voice laced with a compassionate tone "well whenever you're ready to talk about Matthew or about anything, I'm always here" you repeated once more, you didn't have to tell Emily if she knew that because she always did.

"Matthew's parents" she placed her glass on the nightstand as she held back a sob and tried to console herself at the thought "they uh, blamed his death on me" she started to pick around her fingernails

"What!?" panic in your voice, almost in awe at how someone could do something as terrible as that.

"I shouldn't have said anything I'm sorry" Emily quickly retaliated.

"Hey, hey, no why are you sorry?" you asked as calm as you could.

"Because you believe them right? because you believe that I killed Matthew because I didn't get there in time!?" Emily raised her voice slightly, but you knew she wasn't angry at you.

"Can you turn around and look at me" you sighed, hesitantly Emily turned around to you, her head on your stomach as she lay in between your legs again "I would never, never think that" you sighed as you reached down to cup her cheek before repeating what you just spoke "I know you got there as quickly as you could, you didn't do anything wrong" you smiled gently.

"They still blame me for the abortion" Emily played nervously with the strings of your pajama shorts.

"Honey, you were 15, you were 15 and pregnant, it's okay to have been scared, you did the best thing for you and the baby" you sighed gently, your hand caressing her cheek.

"Thank you" she gripped your hand, absentmindedly swirling her finger around it creating different patterns, something she did when she was either nervous, scared, or sad "come here" you pulled her back up and hugged her as tight as you could "I'm glad you're here, I love you so much, please don't ever forget that" you stapled a kiss to her forehead once more before she fell asleep, you rubbed her back and played with her hair, whispering how much you loved her and listening everything you loved about her.

[whitedemon-ladydeath]

Hello 👋

I love your thoughts on anti ic and the way you delve into everything and actually name the issues within them .

I have a rant about Feyre :

I liked her in Book 1 but book 2 onwards Mr SA melted her brain . There are lots of things that irk me about feyre : Her Hipocrasy first and foremost

The Hipocrasy is strong with this girl istg , like you're the one who does a free public porn show for the guy who SA you and then have the gall to compliment rhys when he uses his powers on keir for calling you a whore. Like wtf ? I am on kiers side in this , if your dictator ( because that's what rhysand is ) was fingering a fae in front of all of his court I'd be disgusted too .

The scene where feyre starts crying because of nestas expenditure ? Like bitch you have 5 houses and your "friend s" are always out drinking and fucking and you don't have a problem with that ? I actually think mor is an alcoholic and her relationship with cassian is incestuous.

Feyre locking Nesta in the HOW even after her trauma when tamlin locked her up in the manor like are you kidding me rn ? Seriously if I was nesta I would've verbally rendered feyre to a pile of dust .

Coming to that she also has no phycological damage from the 3 months rhysand SA her and made her do lap dances but when your sister is snarky and calls you for her decisions you have the gall to have trauma about that ? Be fr bro I call my brother whore for fun 💀( only children shouldn't be allowed to write sibling relationships - sjm )

Sorry if this got too long , I just wanted to rant to someone and I hope you understand ( you're one of the few people in this fandom with actual functioning neurons )

Thank you 💗

Yeah, I don't really get Rhysand's whole,,, well anything regarding politics tbh. He talks down and degrades the CoN and treat them as nothing more than oppressive misogynists' in front of them and then proceeds to perform sexual acts with the woman he then wants to be viewed in a professional, respectable and political light and when that doesn't happen, due to the whole sexual act and 'Rhysand's harlot' or whatever she called herself, thing, Rhysand then assaults Keir

So like.... he can assert authority and abuse power when it comes to disrespect to the girl he literally wanted to be his plaything in front of these people, but he can't assert authority when it comes to protecting the vulnerable populations of the CoN or to establish progressive laws. He says Keir is in charge of the CoN and that he can't use the Darkbringers without his permission but then he assaults the Steward of the CoN. High Lord or not that doesn't make a lick of sense if he ever wants to be viewed as a legitimate ruler. I would also be disgusted by such vulgar acts- besides these people did not consent to be witnesses to sexual acts of display

Feyre crying is... I dunno. Like I chalked it up to hormones, but I am more concerned with Rhysand's blatant manipulation and emotional and financial abuse of reading off expenses in front of every single member of the IC. That is a form of shame and humiliation in order for Feyre to 'get her sister under control'. But I also agree, I think it's completely unnecessary and hypocritical of Rhysand and Co to look down their noses at Nesta for spending money when Rhysand himself said that the IC bleed him dry with their flagrant spending on alcohol and parties- which is said in ACOMAF but then it gets played off for the Laugh

Feyre and Rhysand locking Nesta up in the HoW is just sooooo. guh. How is it that when Tamlin does it for *checks notes* five minutes it's the most egregious, unforgiveable sin but when Rhysand and Feyre not ONLY lock her up, they demolished her home, they had Elain pack up her belongings, they made her live with a man Nesta repeatedly, verbally said she wanted nowhere near her. Plus the humiliation factor of not only being talked at in front of the IC, but Rhysand, Feyre and Amren talking about Nesta via Mental Powers in front of Nesta. There was so, so much wrong with that entire scene and the fact that both the narrative and the fandom cannot see why that scene was so disgusting is quite frankly, alarming

Like I can get that Feyre could have emotional and internalized feelings of a bad self image via Nesta from childhood, but I am also aware of what can happen when children are forced into extremely small proximity with each other with a very toxic and unhealthy household. Nesta and Feyre both were at each other's throats. they were both awful to each other and there is a rather large amount of assumption by Feyre and a large amount of miscommunication with both the girls

Rhysand however, with all his abuses of Feyre UtM, just... being forgotten about, just like that, is very weird. Very weird, especially if Nesta is still paying for sins from before the first book even took place. Feyres not getting triggered from the Weavers cottage? shes not getting triggered with his "Feyre Darling"? She's not getting triggered being in the CoN where UtM was inspired by? She's not getting triggered wearing those scraps of clothes? She's not getting triggered when Rhys uses paint on Feyre in Chapter 55 or whatever chapter it was just like he did UtM in front of Tamlin??????

Feyre brings up UtM ONCE to Rhysand and he gets all hyperventilatey and says theyll 'talk about it later' and then guess what, it doesn't. It just gets explained that he just had to torture his mate and what it was doing to him

give me a break

[kafus]

a likodot themed analysis of HZ049

hello it's been a while since my last truly longform post like this but guess who watched HZ049 today and is going absolutely fucking feral bonkers about it. it's me. and i have things to say about it of the likodot variety because if i don't get these thoughts out of my head i'll explode.

forgive me for my shipping bias because i'm not sorry. however i am slightly sorry for how messy this post ended up being my god i had a lot of thoughts but i did my best to make this at least somewhat entertaining to read and comprehensive. but it really is a long winding mess LOL. FULL OF PASSION AND ADORATION I LOVE THIS SHOW AND I LOVE LIKO AND DOT MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD

obviously there are heavy spoilers below the cut i'm going to be violently pulling apart all the scenes where these two interact and gnawing at all of it

so. first off. this episode displays massive growth in liko and dot's relationship by method of showing how much liko's behavior around gurumin has changed since these two met and since dot initially confessed to being gurumin. as we all know liko was a massive superfan of gurumin, and then when dot confessed to being gurumin... well liko's reaction was. Uh

well she was having a little bit of a crisis about it LOL. historically liko has gotten very flustered and panicked when reminded that dot is gurumin. and she has been really prone to fangirling still (ie. getting really excited about helping gurumin in HZ019 with the bakery stuff or helping gurumin with the pig town stuff in HZ036), despite knowing the person in the suit. she goes as far as to try to ignore that dot is in the suit entirely and keep them separate in her brain (shown for instance by her freaking out over seeing dot halfway in the gurumin suit in HZ039) because if she were to mentally cross those wires, she wouldn't be able to handle it.

but now in this episode, things have obviously changed a lot over time. the episode opens with a small scene that explains what dot is doing about gurumin while they are traveling on the terastal course (filming them beforehand and scheduling ahead of time lol) but liko and dot have a conversation about (a really CUTE conversation) about gurumin in the process.

do not get it twisted, liko is still very much a fan of gurumin, but this conversation is a lot more comfortable and grounded. she gets a notification about a new gurumin video and she's excited (and surprised because of the timing), but she is not panicking about it. and her first reaction to this information is to directly ask dot (with the softest expression fucking ever??) about it. this directly connects dot and gurumin together in a strong way. liko is no longer running from the fact that dot is the youtuber she looks up to, and in fact she's being pretty upfront about it.

not related to my main point, but i also just want to gush a little here about this scene more - dot reacts similarly to liko showing so much affection for her work in a similar way to how she reacted in HZ008 to liko complimenting her through the door - getting flustered about liko's genuine energy, but this time they know each other and are looking at each other face to face. liko's affectionate energy is enough to make her relent that maybe someday... she could film outside... which shows the sort of effect liko has on her. and also this becomes relevant later in the episode where dot literally does film gurumin videos outside - it's just good writing/foreshadowing lol

anyway, this continues later on when liko is the first to get worried about dot doing the battle livestream with nanjamo as gurumin instead of herself. i think if this situation had happened much earlier on, liko would have been thinking a lot more about the excitement of the idea of seeing gurumin battle in real life, but she doesn't even initially have that thought and have to backtrack, she's immediately worried about dot instead.

ironically, liko recognizing that gurumin isn't dot, as in gurumin is a mask that dot puts on instead of being representational of her true self, drives home liko's recognition of dot as gurumin even more. she understands the connection between dot and gurumin and what gurumin is to dot enough to have this concern in the first place - one roy initially doesn't understand, that is specific to liko. there is zero compartmentalization of dot being a youtuber here! liko is concerned about her friend who is an influencer, where she puts on a mask to be confident and outgoing. dot and gurumin are fully connected.

it's also worth acknowledging that liko holds the gurumin suit and is concerned about it being damaged but nothing more - unlike in HZ021 when she goes to dot's room to give her the suit after it's been washed and cleaned, and she's a little nervous and flustered about it still.

i've always talked about how there's a bit of a difference between shipping liko and dot, and liko and gurumin - not that those two sectors have zero overlap, but that to liko, gurumin and dot were usually kept so separate mentally that fans online could often be sorted into camps of being interested in the running silliness of liko's fascination and flustered behavior with the whole gurumin thing, and liko and dot's connection with each other as normal (girl)friends... liko has progressively adjusted more to dot being gurumin and has had moments where she is able to set aside her fangirl heart to be there for dot (like when she mentions dot being gurumin in her little supportive speech in HZ027), but this episode shows that in a much more drastic and meaningful way, and now those two sectors are FULLY overlapping canonically. i think it is overall a sweet and good thing for them that liko is able to see dot as a whole and directly appreciate her creative skills/work. it is obviously meaningful to dot!

TLDR;

HZ039:

HZ049:

you get the point.

NOW. onto the SECOND thing i want to talk about. the thing i've dubbed LIKODOT TELEPATHY. aka holy shit these girls understand each other without words. liko and dot understand each other on an intrinsic level and often notice when the other is worried, or pushing themselves too hard, or etc. that is EXTREMELY evident in this episode through liko's concern towards dot.

going back to the first scene before the opening theme, liko detects immediately when dot comments on roy's upbeat attitude that dot might be feeling nervous about her upcoming battle, and immediately offers reassurance.

(unfortunately i have to put aside my ramble about liko's continued lack of self esteem and her putting herself down here for another time because otherwise this post will get so off-topic and longer than it has any right to be, but you get the point. also holy shit dot saying "you don't have to fuss so much" but smiling and saying that line like she's happy to have liko fretting about her makes me CRAZY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. BUT. coughs. ANYWAY)

then, like i mentioned earlier, liko is the first to be worried about dot in this episode. she's the first to notice dot's anxious/shutting down behavior:

the first to recognize that dot might actually walk away unhappy if she were to do her terastal exam as gurumin instead of herself:

and the first to recognize that her filming videos outside is not as genuinely upbeat and happy as it may seem:

(two quick side notes about this, i really like how the writing puts emphasis on liko's concern by contrasting roy's total lack of it multiple times - NOT that he doesn't care of course, but just that liko understands dot particularly well and is in touch with dot's feelings in a special way that roy isn't. additionally, it makes me feel crazy that dot probably got the idea to film outside from liko's affectionate encouragement in the first scene in the episode... like, she's basically trying to use liko's advice to hype herself up and get through this... of course she would!! trusting liko's words has always ended up positively for her!! liko is such a massive support for her!! and liko acknowledges herself that yeah she said that but that isn't what she meant. GOD. i'm so insane about these girls)

this is notable not only because it's very sweet that liko is so concerned about dot, but also because dot doesn't really understand this herself. she is trying so hard to put on the gurumin facade, to run away from her anxiety as far as possible, to avoid the bad. and yet despite her attempts to cover her true feelings up as much as possible, even from herself, liko sees straight through it. dot cannot mask around liko, she understands regardless, sees the parts of her she doesn't want to acknowledge.

the contrast between dot's understanding of herself and liko's understanding of her is immense. directly after dot boldly proclaims that she feels so much stronger as gurumin and happily mentions that she has nanjamo's permission to do their battle as gurumin is when liko finally confronts her. the difference in mood is startling, almost, and easily shows that contrast. i need to break down this confrontation in detail cause it makes me insane

first, liko is still too nervous to say what she wants to say, but as per usual with LIKODOT TELEPATHY (tm) dot immediately notices liko going into her polite i-don't-want-to-inconvenience-you voice and pushes for what the matter is. she can tell immediately that liko has a problem even though liko hasn't said anything yet.

liko doesn't want to rock the boat and is overly gentle with her words (once again i have to push aside my ramble about liko's confidence problems AGH) but finally speaks her piece about the situation.

i want to mention here as well, these two situations are very different, but the similarities of dot noticing liko pushing herself back in HZ027 and then liko recognizing dot pushing herself in kind... SIIIGH

dot's reaction is to stammer with MUCH less confidence than before that she wasn't forcing anything. she's taken offguard by liko's concerns, but it's evident she recognizes what liko is saying within herself and is grappling with trying to maintain her mental wall after liko has cracked it in half with her words. liko was right and saw right through her, and dot isn't sure how to handle it. she avoids eye contact and everything.

this is where i bridge my conversation about likodot telepathy into talking about dot's characterization and growth as a character, so bear with me - quaxly attempts to drive the point liko is making home by separating dot from the gurumin suit, but afterwards is... The Scene. liko tries to bring the conversation back to what they were saying before, but at this point dot is overwhelmed by quaxly's actions and feels socially/emotionally cornered and... she explodes and screams at liko.

i think it's an interesting part of her personality that she is prone to irritable/angry outbursts and yelling when she has her buttons pushed too far and i'm glad that remains consistent for her, especially because...

the last time dot yelled directly at liko like this was in HZ008. the situation is actually quite similar with dot being pushed too far into a situation she doesn't know how to handle by liko reaching out to her more than she is ready for, causing her to lash out. but some MAJOR things have changed since then - obviously, the first time was through the door before they really knew each other, before liko had even seen her face, but this time it's up close and personal and they know each other. but secondly, at the beginning of the show, dot is irritated and overwhelmed by pretty much any attempt at conversation. she has come such a long way that now she's brought to screaming by something much, much more massive, with the whole being streamed live while battling in real life thing, showing how much she has overcome since then... and not only that!! thirdly! the first time, liko was encouraging gurumin, sharing how much of a fan of gurumin she was, and now this second time, it's in reaction to liko essentially telling her "i don't think you actually want to be gurumin in this situation". point is, the amount of growth dot has had is ironically so easy to see in her screaming at liko here because of the sheer level of contrast between the two times it's happened.

by this happening again, it also gives dot the chance to recognize her own shitty behavior and apologize for yelling later even though liko (nor roy) were asking for an apology - in fact they seemed to be surprised that dot wanted to apologize in the first place, like they had forgotten all about it. i think both liko and roy are used to shrugging off some of dot's more irritable behaviors, but this time dot noticed herself that she messed up and takes that moment to say sorry, which is sweet of her and once again a moment of character growth.

considering that dot also follows this up with the statement that she will take her terastal exam as herself, the apology is also connected to it - like she recognized that what liko was saying, the thing that made her yell, ended up being true. it was liko's genuine attempt to help her. and now that she's come to that conclusion on her own, she can see that yelling was even more misguided.

and that's my final conversation topic about this episode - the fact that dot came to that conclusion on her own. yes, liko cracked the wall she was putting up and gave her that starting push, but dot went above and beyond to take that crack and then smash that wall into pieces without liko's help. which despite what it sounds like i think is extremely important for these two's dynamic moving forward.

i'm going to spare you the analysis of dot's fear of cameras, why she hides behind gurumin, as well as a breakdown of the whole part of the episode with varoom bc i'm trying to talk mostly about likodot here, but assuming you've watched the episode you know what i'm talking about. here, i'm focused on the part where liko exclaims that they have to help dot, and dot denies her help and says she wants to handle it on her own, and then from this experience she is able to conclude she wants to do her terastal exam as herself.

this is massive. for so long, liko has practically dragged dot along and held her hand through tackling new experiences... sometimes literally lol, thinking about the scene in HZ027 where liko drags dot to chase after terapagos by the arm. but anyway, on top of that, this is also different from her standing up to her mom in HZ041, which was ALSO massive, but a large part of that episode consisted of liko's interventions, and she was pushed into that situation where she really had no choice in the matter. she had to if she wanted to stay on the brave asagi which was non negotiable. but here? there was nothing stopping dot from just taking the help and running from the cameras. in fact it probably would have been much easier to do that. but she wants to prove herself, and not because she has to to get the thing she wants, but just because... she wants to. she wants to succeed on her own.

and i think that's really important in the context of not just dot herself, but likodot, because while it is very sweet of liko to constantly be pushing dot and leading her to further self understanding and more confidence, and i will always be emotional about liko essentially caring for her to the point of dot braving ending her time as a NEET, the end goal for that should always be that dot is given confidence in herself to exist as a person independently of liko's pushing, for her own sake.

i think it's also incredibly meaningful that liko saw this happen - she experienced running out to help dot like usual, and then actually having her advances denied, but not for bad reasons this time... she gets to see dot be a better version of herself and come to that conclusion liko tried to push earlier, on her own accord, in her own way.

i say all this because i want liko to be able to love dot not as a person to fix but also just... a person. i want what liko has done for her to cause dot to be a better person outside of what liko does, for herself. and i want liko to be able to love the wonderful and more confident person dot becomes as a result. do you understand. am i making sense. GAH. i am so worked up about this. i'm holding them both in my hands and shaking them violentlySJDFJFSD

god. thank you for reading if you've actually come this far. i am going to end off this messy and deranged casual "essay" with a couple of notes i wasn't sure how to fit anywhere else.

one, i think it's very nice that when roy thinks dot's in trouble, liko is sure enough in dot's intelligence and battling skills to say with great confidence that dot MUST have a plan

and TWO, AHHHH I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE AHHHH AHHHHHH WE ARE GOING TO GET EVEN MORE DOT CHARACTERIZATION AND GROWTH AND SHE'S GOING TO FACE HER MENTOR FIGURE HOW AM I GOING TO HANDLE IT AFTER ALREADY WRITING THIS MUCH ABOUT THE FIRST EPISODE IN THIS TWO-PARTER AND ALSO WHAT WAS THIS GAY SHIT IN THE EPISODE PREVIEW AHHHH AHHH

thank you for coming to my ted talk. goodnight tri state area

[thecreelhouse]

tramps like us

Paring: Gator Tillman x Fem!Reader

Summary: Gator receives news he anticipated, but never wanted, as well as conquering a major fear; your anxiety over the future is only building, casting self doubt that crawls deep under your skin. Can comfort from one another be enough?

WC: 10.2k

Includes/CW: angst, hurt/comfort, language, death mentions, PTSD involving familial abuse, anxiety attacks, fluff, smut - fingering, cum play, sweet & dirty talk, PiV sex, oral (f!receiving), mentions of intoxication kink

〘 series masterlist ✧.┊this is a sequel to part time soulmate, full time problem ✧.┊listen to the series playlist ✧.┊read on AO3〙

A/N: wow, hi, it’s been a minute! so sorry I went so long without an update, but I appreciate all of the kind comments and anons I’ve received in that gap of time 🥹 we’re getting closer to the end; after this chapter, there should be about 3 more! next will be a bonus/standalone smut ch. and the two after that are a pretty big deal for the end ☺️ thanks so much again for all the support so far! if you’re still reading, just know how grateful I am. I hope y’all enjoy this one <3 p.s. y’all can thank @urhoneycombwitch for sending inspo for one of the scenes in this 🫣🥰

Chapter 7 ✧.┊

flowers on the grave - the maine

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

⋆｡♪ everything is temporary / even the sorrow that you carry ♬ ₊˚.

·············································

It’s been about a month since Gator proposed to you, and you had been on cloud 9 ever since. Yet there was one thing that continued to tug at your thoughts, buried far back in your mind.

It comes up without suggestion as you blurt the question out. “You ever wonder how everyone’s doin’ back home?”

Cozy in a fortress of pillows and blankets in the window nook, you tilt your head back as you wait for Gator’s response. He’s got you snug between his legs, arms wound around your waist from behind.

Gator knows when you say ‘everyone’ you mean both of your parents’. Well, your parents, and Gator’s dad. Truthfully, he answers, “Yeah, I do. I don’t think I’d wanna hear from my dad, though. Kinda glad he’s never tried to call— not like he knows my new number anyway.”

There’s an ache behind his response; just because Roy was a shit excuse of a father doesn’t mean Gator wasn’t allowed to miss him. Or maybe he missed what his dad could’ve been. He’s unsure, and not ready to unpack that outside of therapy, but it was a tangled perspective you had with your own abusive father.

 “Why do you ask?”

You shrug while you watch raindrops race one another down the window, attention from the book you were reading aloud long gone. 

“Sometimes I wonder how Ma’s doin’ without my—“ You stop, refusing to call that monster your father.”— him. I know she brought a lot of it on herself, but… sometimes, I still wish things woulda’ been okay between us.”

Gator’s quiet, lost in thought and hesitant to suggest it, but he clears his throat before asking, “Do y- you think maybe it might be worth reachin’ out? Maybe it’d help ya’ find some closure.”

Your brows knit together as you tilt your head back to read his expression. He means well, you know that, but you’re not sure you’d be able to hold your anger down if you tried finding closure with your mother.

“Gator, I don’t think that’s the best idea,” The memory of trying to talk to her after your miscarriage floods back, how cold she was, how she refused to comfort you— something a mother should do for their child through any heartbreak. 

She never provided comfort when Willow died; you tried looking for every excuse in the book to give her grace, understanding, but there’s no reason to justify ignoring your grieving daughter after the other was killed so suddenly.

She never stepped in when your father used you and your sister to take out his anger on. He never saw either of you as his children, just personal punching bags.

It was complex, though; a part of you felt like you couldn’t blame her completely, not when she was also abused, too. She was the adult in the situation, and absolutely should’ve protected both you and Willow, but she was attacked just as much as the two of you. 

You knew the facts and statistics of abusive relationships and domestic violence— something you began to learn about through therapy over the years. So, sure, it must’ve been hard to leave for a multitude of reasons… but that didn’t mean she had to leave you and Willow to fend for yourselves.

It was just easier for your heart and mind to write her off completely, especially after visiting home last Christmas.

He sighs, nodding. “M’sorry, just— I figured—” Mentally, he’s beating himself up for even offering the idea, feeling like he should’ve known better. “You don’t owe her a damn thing, you don’t have to reach out… just thinkin’ if I had the chance to reach out to my mom again, I would, in a heartbeat.”

Your heart sinks over his honesty; he’s right, you don’t owe your mother anything after all the hurt she dragged you through, even if indirectly. But the way Gator mentions his own mother chips away at the walls around your heart regarding your own. You know he’d do anything to talk to her, at least one last time. 

A week prior, Gator received closure, but not in the way he had hoped and prayed for most of his life.

𓂃

“Hey, love,” You kicked the door closed behind you, hands carrying takeout bags; you planned on making dinner, but work kept you busy now that summer officially started. Folks had been coming in more frequently, seeking out their next vacation read. “Sorry I’m getting home so late—“

You froze, finding Gator at the kitchen table, head in his hands; an open beer bottle sat on the surface, still full. There was a cardboard box, with a mailing label, ripped open with packaging paper thrown to the floor. The bags were dropped onto the coffee table before you rushed over to him.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” You dragged a chair close to him, hand beginning to move along his back in soothing, comforting patterns. “What—“

Gator forced himself to turn to you, face tear stained while his eye was bloodshot. The skin around the sockets were puffed up and blotched red with sorrow.

“Sh- she’s not coming back.”

You were certain you knew the answer, but you asked to make sure; “Who’s not coming back?”

He slid the box over to you; it was small, not much could hide inside, but the contents were earth-shattering for Gator.

A pair of broken glasses. A pair with frames you recognized immediately. The glasses his mother wore.

Tucked into the box was a letter; you reached for it, but paused, looking to him for permission. Gator nodded solemnly.

It was brief, barely a letter, more of a quick note; the words expressed condolences from the officials that had been investigating everything connected to Roy, that they found the glasses in a well on the ranch, along with his mother’s remains.

Though short, it wasn’t cold. They mentioned Dot led them to the well; the investigation was over, and those glasses, once a basic part of Linda’s appearance, became evidence— evidence that they were finished using against Roy for the murder of Gator’s mother.

Now, they were only proof of the memory of her, something Gator prayed he’d have more of if she ever came home.

Your hand fell over your mouth in disbelief, stifling a gasp.

“I… I think I always knew she was gone, but this still fuckin’ hurts.” He finally picks up the bottle before taking a long, harsh swig of the alcohol. You hoped that was the only one he had so far; he didn’t need to fall back into self destructive coping mechanisms, not like the first night the two of you reunited. It wasn’t the time to talk about that. He needed you.

“Gator, I’m so sorry.” You couldn’t say anything to make it better, and he needed to grieve. It wouldn’t get better without grief. He couldn’t move forward until he mourned, first. “I know right now this means shit, but if you need anything, if I can do anything—“

“I know, Darlin’.” He took your hand in his, shaking. “Thank you.”

“That means grieving however you need to, Gator. As long as it’s not harming yourself, or anyone else, you grieve how you want, for as long as you need.” 

He nodded before you took him into your arms; his head fell to your shoulder, bursting into a sob as he reached one of his safe places— your embrace.

“S’fuckin’ stupid.”

“What is, love?”

Gator turned his head, face burying into your neck while his arms wound around your waist. “I — it’s—“

“You can tell me anything, always.”

Another sob shuddered out of him, embrace tightening, holding on for dear life. 

“I wanted— fuck, this is so—“ He takes a deep breath in, then out, trying to keep himself grounded. Your arms are around his shoulders, pulling him closer to you while your hand traced up and down his spine, repeating the soothing motions. 

“I always wanted her to come h- home, alive… and it’s stupid, but I- I hoped she’d come back in time for the wedding. Fuck, that’s so dumb to say out loud.”

“It’s not dumb or stupid or anything like that to wish she’d come home, especially to come to the—“ You can’t even say it, not when it breaks you to watch any hope he had left fade out for good. “— god, Gator, I’m so fucking sorry.” Your own tears began to spill over, hurting for him.

“Me too, Darlin’.” He wept into the crook of your neck, grateful to have you while the truth hit him like a train. “Me too.”

𓂃

Guilt consumes you; if you could give this chance to make things right to Gator with his mom, you would. Instead, the opportunity lies in wait for you to reach out to your own mother, but you refuse.

Am I selfish for this? 

“I don’t think she’d want to speak to me, anyway. I think that bridge is burnt to ashes now.” You murmur as a few stray tears slip down your face, racing against the drops of rain on the glass outside. “It’s for the best, y’know?”

“Angel, c’mere,” Gator tugs you back lazily, and you take the hint, moving to sit in his lap. You rest your head on his chest, now facing the window as he holds you close. “Y’gotta do what’s right for you. And if you ever changed your mind, I support you. Whatever you decide, movin’ on, or fixin’ things, I’m with ya’ every step of the way.”

You nod, fixated on the rain as it continues to pour down. 

“I’ll think about it.”

══════════════════

“Hey, darlin’, can I ask ya’ somethin’?”

While working on a box of duplicate titles for donation, you look up, and over to Gator.

Miles planned to build a few free libraries around Brooklyn during the summer break. Loving the idea, you offered to go through the inventory to find some duplicate titles to donate.

“You don’t have to ask if you can ask me somethin’, baby.” Usually when Gator’s anxious to start a conversation about something he’s unsure over, it sounds similar to what he just said. 

He’s at the front counter, scrolling through your tablet with a slight frown; you move over to him, arms sliding around his waist as you rest your chin onto his shoulder from behind.

“Jesus, if ya’ open anymore tabs you’re gonna break the damn internet.” You tease with a quick kiss to his cheek. He huffs, frustrated. “M’sorry, what was your question?”

His tone is quiet, rushed, tips of his ears turning red as he grows shy.“You got any books in braille here?”

You had to think about it for a minute; it’s something you’ve never considered to keep stock of, and you realize that’s a backwards privilege of being able bodied. You’re not vision impaired, and while there was a section of the shop for large print books, it never once crossed your mind to keep some braille books, too.

Recognizing your mistake makes you feel careless for not being more inclusive, and Gator can sense that as your hold tenses up around him.

He turns around to face you, “Hey, s’okay, I’m not mad or anythin’, just was wonderin’.”

“No, I know, I just feel like an asshole for never takin’ that into consideration. Not tryin’ to make it about me, just… ugh. Can’t believe I never—“ You stop yourself, shaking your head; it’s not about you, and you could either kick yourself for the mistake or do something about it. “Thank you for bringin’ it up, I think it’s a good idea to look into.”

“They’re pretty expensive, from what I’ve read, but maybe at least we could offer to find copies if someone asks for ‘em?” He shrugs, bringing up the idea. “Y’know, a few days ago when I was here alone, a kid came in askin’ for some book— can’t remember what— in braille for his dad. I felt bad I couldn’t help him.”

“Well, shit. Yeah, you’re right, we should figure somethin’ out to offer more reading accessibility.” 

You kiss his forehead quick, admiring what might be a little empathy to him, but is huge in your eyes; the way he wants to help others is something you’ve always seen in him growing up, but he never expressed it much with his father always lying to him that was just another display of weakness.

Roy’s twisted ways of raising Gator into someone cold and heartless was infuriating enough, but to watch Gator unlearn and learn so much, becoming truly a good person, that outweighed the negativity his past held. 

To witness your fiancé not only work on himself, his trauma, and realize the whole world wasn’t out to get him… that good, loving people exist and want to love and care about him, want to see him live a life free of abuse… what a privilege it’s been, and continues to be.

If there’s anything you’ve learned in the last several months, it’s that no amount of hate or misery can suppress a kind heart; Gator Tillman was proof of that.

══════════════════

Despite the progress Gator has made, the confirmation of his mother’s passing was pulling him into a darker place, one where he felt isolating was better than talking about it. 

It had been a few weeks since he learned the truth. You’d never push him or anyone to “get over” the sorrow, because it’s cruel and  impossible; everyone just heals at their own pace, plain and simple.

But you didn’t expect him to hide in himself the way he had been, and continued to do.

On a night everyone decided to get drinks on a whim, Gator didn’t feel like going out; he insisted you should still go and spend time with your friends.

You offered to stay home, assured him time and time again you’d rather be home with him and make sure he felt okay, but it almost felt as if he was pushing you to keep your plans the more and more you asked.

It didn’t ease your worry, but lately, Gator’s been on edge, so you figured maybe he just needed some alone time.

Sure enough, the rational thought eventually snowballed into believing he was sick of you.

We’re not even together a year yet, and he’s already tired of me. What if he’s only with me out of pity? Or as a backup option? What if he moves back home? What if he finds someone else? What if—

Letting the ‘what ifs’ run wild wouldn’t help, and you should communicate your anxieties with Gator, but he had so much of his own sorrow to work through, you didn’t want to overwhelm him with your outlandish worries.

So you give him space that night, going out to the bar Miles has been working for the summer with everyone else. At first, the night flows as smoothly as the alcohol; the summer heat settled down with the sunset, making it a perfect night to spend on the bar’s rooftop.

After living most of your life in a state as flat and bare as North Dakota, seeing too far across the horizon for your liking, the sight from a rooftop in the city never grows old for you. You’ve called Brooklyn home for a little over a decade, now, and you can’t imagine how you survived as long as you had before getting out on your own.

Now, sharing that with your best friend, the love of your life, you’re living out a dream life you never knew you wanted.

The anxious thoughts creep back to try to convince you otherwise, even though you usually can handle your alcohol pretty well. It’s rare, but tequila is betraying you tonight, and your feelings start to creep out.

You don’t even realize you’re pouting slightly, looking out to the Manhattan skyline as your gaze glosses over, until Ivy points it out softly.

“Sunshine, what’s wrong, babes?” 

“Hm?” You don’t look away, admiring the glittering lights you’ll never grow tired of. They sparkle even more with the tears in your eyes.

“You were talking about ideas for the wedding!” Flor softly exclaims, trying to bring you back to the excitement you were just in.

Blankly staring at her, you nod after a moment. “Right, yeah. Sorry.” Maybe this could be a distraction for you. Shaking off the uneasy feeling, you bring up one of your favorite ideas so far: “I dunno, maybe it’s silly, but I think it’d be kinda fun to get a ton of disposable cameras, let everyone take photos from their own perspectives, y’know?”

“Are you kidding? That sounds so fun!” Flor exclaims, adding, “I know film is expensive, but I’ll totally chip in to get them developed.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad, since it’ll be a small wedding,” You smile through your anxious thoughts. “I mean, it’s just y’all, Bea, any of y’all partners, and Dot and her family.”

“Have you tried reaching out to your mom?” Ivy asks softly, hand on your arm. “If you don’t wanna talk about it, I get it. It’s okay.”

“I… I talked about it with Gator, but I don’t think that’s a bridge meant to be rebuilt. I’m torn. Gonna wait and think about it.”

“That’s smart. Whatever you decide, we got your back,” Jinx assures, sipping her drink. 

“Thanks, y’all.” You sigh, elbows on the table as you rest your head in your hands. “I wish Willow and Gator’s mom were able to come to the wedding.” You scrunch your eyes shut, shaking your head, “Sorry, we don’t have to get into that. I—“ You push out of your chair, “I’ll be back.”

As you make your way to the bar, chatting with Miles while he makes your drink, you don’t notice the way your friends discuss their concern for you. Ty texts Gator quietly, just to be safe.

You’re finishing your glass minutes after making it back to the table,  trying to drown out the spiraling thoughts.

Ivy pushes a glass of water towards you. “You need to slow down, babes.” You shake your head. “What’s going on?”

“You wanna head back?” Ty asks, pulling your attention back to the group. Even Miles gives you a concerned glance from behind the bar. Jinx hops off her stool to ask Miles for some water for you.

You shake your head, “I’m sorry.” When the words slip, so do the tears. You’re grateful it’s a slow, quiet night in this bar. 

“Did something happen?” Flor asks as Jinx passes some napkins over to you. You grab them, blotting the tears away.

Up until this point, you hid the worry you couldn’t shake. You didn’t want to cause a scene, or make Gator look bad; he was struggling, and any changes in his mood were valid. You had to keep reminding yourself not to think too hard into it. This wasn’t about you. Not at all.

But it didn’t keep your thoughts from spiraling into believing you did something to trigger all of this.

You don’t even realize something slips until everyone grows quiet, eyes on you. “What?”

“You know Gator adores you, right?” Flor breaks the silence first, leading your bleary gaze up to her. 

Me and my big fuckin’ mouth.

“Babes, the two of you better not pull that shit like that meme where you’re about to say your vows and ask if y’all still like each other,” Ty murmurs, and Ivy shoulder checks him, earning a hissed “I’m trying to make her laugh!” 

It still earns a hint of a smile from you, but it’s gone in a flash.

“Have you two talked ‘bout this?” Ivy asks, voice softer than Ty’s. Meanwhile he mouths “Sorry!”

“He’s got so much goin’ on… I can’t add to all of that.”

“It’s good to be considerate of someone else’s struggles, but the two of you are getting married, you’re supposed to be able to talk to your significant other about anything.” Jinx points out wisely. 

Someone’s phone goes off; Ivy pulls hers out, reading a text, “Miles says he agrees with whatever advice we’re giving.” It pulls a sad laugh out of you. She gives a serious glance,“He’s lucky we’re good friends. For all he knows, we could be trying to convince you to shave your eyebrows off and get them tattooed to look like—”

“Eels,” Ty blurts out, shrugging as Ivy quirks a brow his way. 

“Hey, if you want brows that look like eels, you better come to me to get ‘em done,” Jinx snickers.

Another soft, sad giggle floats from your lips. “I love y’all—“ You pause, noticing Gator across the bar. He makes his way over to the group, giving you a sympathetic, half-smile of understanding. Despite the insecurities you just expressed, you can’t help lighting up at the sight of him. “That’s my fiancé!”

“Who is she announcing that to?” Flor whispers with a snicker. Ivy shoots daggers her way, shutting her up immediately.

“Someone’s tipsy,” He chuckles, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. “How’re you doing, Darlin’?” It only takes one glance up to him to answer the question; your eyes are sad, glassy, but you’ve got a weary smile as you try pushing past your emotions.

Ivy initiates conversation among everyone else, giving you and Gator space.

Softly, you ask, “Why’d you come now?”

“Wanted to walk ya’ home,” His hand rests on your back, rubbing his thumb back and forth against your exposed skin in this sundress. “Whenever you’re ready.”

“Can we go now? M’not feelin’ great.”

“Yeah, f’course.” He grabs your hand, holding you steady as you leave the stool. The two of you give your quick goodbyes, while you miss the way Gator claps Ty’s shoulder, leaning down with a quick “Thanks, man,” while Ty nods, flashing a thumbs up in response.

The walk home isn’t long, but Gator keeps the pace slow for your sake, just to be safe. Hand in hand, you walk down the sidewalk in silence, but it doesn’t last very long.

“Who told you I was sad?”

Gator gives a puzzled glance. “What?”

“M’sorry they made you come out, I didn’t ask, I swear—“

“Darlin’, no apologizin’ for that. I know you didn’t, but I wish you told me you weren’t feelin’ well.” He squeezes your hand in his.

“Oh. I- well I didn’t wanna bother ya’.”

“You’re never botherin’ me—“

You stop dead in your tracks, glaring at Gator with a perplexed stare. 

“Babe, when’d you stop vaping?”

The quick change in conversation makes him snort. “When I got here. Shit’s expensive here, ain’t worth it. Prolly’ bad for my eye, too.”

“How’d I miss that?”

He shrugs, a half-smirk lingering on his features. “Who knows. Maybe you were just too distracted by my handsome face, eh?”

“That’s actually always the reason I’m ever distracted.” Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and Gator notices.

“If you think that’s bad, wait ‘til I tell ya’ about how distracting my girl is just by existing.” He swings his hand in yours as the two of you arrive home, but his remark earns no smile, no teasing in return. 

Walking the three flights of stairs, you’re quiet, but the second you get through your apartment door, you burst into tears. It kills Gator to see you so upset and not even know why.

“Darlin’, talk to me, tell me what’s goin’ on,” He pulls you towards the couch, and as he sits back, you stumble over your own feet, landing on his lap. “Well, that worked out, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” You sniffle pathetically as you situate yourself on his lap, hugging him while your legs rest on either side of him. “Missed you.”

“Is that what had ya’ upset?” You shake your head, ducking into his shoulder. Gator weaves his hand into your hair, softly pulling you back to look you in the eye. It’s not sexual in the slightest, but he’s surprised you don’t even whimper. “What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

You sit back, still on his lap, but you grab his hands to hold in yours, mindlessly fidgeting with his fingers among your own. 

“Are you happy with me? With us?” Your voice wavers, threatening to break. It makes Gator’s face soften, hands pulling away from yours to lift your chin with one, rest the other around your waist. 

“Am I happy with you? Fuck yeah I am.” His answer pulls a small, short-lived giggle out of you, but doubt washes over you again. “I love us together, darlin’. I’d be miserable without you. I was miserable without you, and every day I’m grateful ya’ gave me a second chance.”

“Are you happy here?”

“I’d be happy anywhere with ya’. Y’know that.” Gator frowns, “Where’s all this comin’ from?”

You shrug, and he shakes his head.

“C’mon, tell me.”

Now you’re on the fence between feeling foolish for ever doubting this relationship or Gator, and the self-doubt and anxiety that’s been eating away at your brain all day. Longer than that, really.

“Are you sick of me?”

He sits up, pulling you closer to him; both of his hands hold your face steady in front of him. 

“Not a chance, darlin’.”

“But today you seemed so… so—“ Everything you want to say is bubbling up your throat at once. “I don’t expect being with you all the time, I- I think space is healthy, I don’t wanna become all co-dependent and shit, but I thought you just wanted me gone— not that— it’s not your fault—“

He sighs, “It ain’t yours, either. Today’s just one of the harder days, but it ain’t ‘cause of you.” You let your head loll into his touch, tears still persistent. “Your anxiety has been rough lately, what’s goin’ on?”

“I just- I— my thoughts won’t shut off, Gator. It got in my head that you were sick of me, so then I was worryin’ you’d leave again,” You’re too worked up to notice the way his face looks physically pained to hear the word ‘again’, “go back home, find someone else— then I kept thinkin’ how if you went back, what if somethin’ else happened to you? 

“Last time you were home, you coulda’ died, a- and if you did, I’d—“ Never mind shutting off, your thoughts won’t even slow down, running every red light. “— if you’re not happy with me, I wouldn’t want you to stay for my sake, I’d want ya’ to be happy wherever, even if it hurts. Just promise me you won’t go home? S’not safe for you there—“

Gator surges forward, finally bringing your anxious thoughts to a stop with a kiss. It’s not too quick, but short enough to get the point across. His lips barely touch yours as he pulls back, nudging his nose against yours.

“Angel, I meant it when said home’s been with you all along,” As you shudder, trying to hold back a sob, he pecks your lips with his, pulling back a little further. “Where we grew up ain’t home to me anymore. It’s here, with you.”

The way he looks at you like you’re his entire world, the way he always calls you ‘Darlin’’ and ‘angel’ with a sweetness laced within, one you only ever heard before he changed, before he walked away. It was still there all along, beneath all the misery he was buried under; it carried a certain warmth that made you feel safe, as kids, as, teenagers, and still does now.

You felt so foolish for ever second guessing that.

“Gator, I’m so sorry—“ He cuts you off with another kiss, short and sweet. 

“No apologies. We’ve both been through too much stuff that leaves a lotta hurt behind. It doesn’t get better overnight, and I ain’t gonna shame ya’ for not feelin’ better by the mornin’.” He’s sincere, voice gentle with a hint of that rasp he gets when he chokes back his own tears. “Maybe we should try therapy together, yeah?”

You lean back, hand on Gator’s forehead as your brows furrow. He looks up with a confused laugh.

“What on earth are ya’ doin’, angel?”

“Just making sure you’re not burnin’ up with a fever,” You murmur, pulling back to lock your gaze with his. “Never thought I’d see you go to therapy, and never once crossed my mind you’d be the one suggesting we go together.”

His face flushes red, “Oh, was that a bad idea?”

“God, no. I think it’s worth a try. You mentioning it is just proof how much progress and growth you’ve made since moving here.” You’re grabbing his face now, still a little tipsy as you squish his cheeks inward, making him laugh. His smile is contagious, playing up on your features, too. “You amaze me every damn day, Gator Tillman.”

He’s misty eyed, pulling you close again to shower your face in soft kisses, slowly moving to your jaw, then your neck. Right as your breaths fall shallow, he pulls away, making you whine.

“You know we’re gettin’ married, right?” He teases softly with a smirk. “Ain’t no way I’d call that off. You’re stuck with me ‘til the end of our days, Darlin’.”

“But what if—“

Gator pulls his phone out of his pocket, thumbing around for a moment before looking up at you. “Gonna show ya’ somethin’ that I know you’ll tease me for forever, but I hope it’s proof that m’serious ‘bout this.”

He hands his phone over to you, and you realize—

“Holy shit, do you— you’re joking, Gator.”

“I’m not, go ‘head, make fun of me,” He says with a grin, hands resting on your hips. 

“Never thought I’d see the day Gator Tillman would… use Pinterest… ?” You crack up, scrolling through the app. “Never in a million years would I think you’d ever make a board for wedding planning— this is a joke, right?”

“Absolutely not. Y’can blame Ty, he got me hooked on that stupid thing. Now I’m constantly savin’ shit like we’re gonna have a wedding with 14 themes, or somethin’.” He laughs along with you. “Asked him if it’d be gay—“

“Gator—“

“I know! I know, it was wrong and slipped, but he corrected me, don’t worry. Lil’ fucker flicked my nose when I asked. Shit hurt.” You’re picturing the scenario, laughing harder.

“Thought maybe one of the girls would’ve talked you into this shit.”

“Oh, c’mon, you have one too,” He grins, kissing your cheek. “Wanna go through ideas tomorrow?”

“Can’t believe how soft you’ve gone on me, Tillman,” Your hand is carding through his hair while the other’s tossing the phone aside. “You’re lucky I got a sweet tooth, ‘cause this is sickeningly sweet, even for you. But yeah… I’d love to do that.”

“We don’t have to decide now, but I was thinkin’… maybe the wedding could be next year?” Gator suggests, admiring the way your face lights up.

“Really? You mean it?”

“Yes I mean it— believe me for once, will ya’?” He chuckles, but it’s short-lived as you kiss him, longer than the last few times he kissed you. 

Your lips part against his as his hand cradles the side of your face; you break the kiss, just enough to murmur, “I think I need more convincing.”

Gator huffs, “Do ya’ now?”

“Yeah,” You catch his bottom lip between your teeth, tugging slowly as you draw out an elongated groan from him. “Just to be safe.”

“You’re not cryin’ anymore, though. I think you believe me enough.” You grind down onto him, watching as Gator’s head falls back with another restrained echo of pleasure. 

“Not cryin’ ‘cause you’re not splitting me open with that fat cock,” Your hands slip under his shirt, running up his torso with a ghosting touch; rolling the fabric up and over his head, a burst of confidence hits you, surging you forward to tease his nipple with your tongue. He whimpers, flexing his hips up into you, but you pin him down with your legs, and he moans, loudly. Your hand slaps over his mouth, shushing him. 

You sit up with a glare, “And you say I’m loud?” 

Gator bucks up into you again, throbbing underneath you. You grin devilishly at him, but it drops when he grabs your chin roughly.

“You’re still drunk, aren’t you?”

“No, m’not!”

“Tipsy?”

“… A lil’,” You admit shyly, but the shyness falls away quickly. “Why? You wish I was drunk so y’could do whatever y’wanted with me?”

Releasing your face, Gator smirks, diving into the crook of your neck before sucking roughly along your skin. You gasp, rolling your hips into him; he slides a hand between your legs, cupping your heat under your dress, groaning in such a guttural way, it nearly makes you gush.

“Y’didn’t wear anything underneath?”

You shake your head, rolling your hips again to feel his hand against your clit. His eye rolls back at the feeling of you already dripping down his fingers.

“Darlin’… why’d you do that if I was stayin’ home?”

“Was hoping you’d—“ You grip his wrist as he slips a finger into you, jaw falling to the floor as he curls it just right. “Y- you’d come anyway, or it’d be a surprise when I got h- home, at least.” His brow quirks before he pushes another finger in; your head lolls back, falling prey to the imminent orgasm he’ll give if he keeps this up. 

“Yeah? That why you’re always wearing these cute lil’ sundresses ‘round me?”

“Uh-huh, easy access for ya’, babe.” Without warning, he slides a third finger in. You grip his wrist tighter, eyes screwing shut as your head falls forward. “Oh, god— fuck, Gator!” He pulls the top of your dress down, nearly coming untouched when he discovers you wore absolutely nothing under the dress, top to bottom. He watches the skin around your nipples pebble, leading to the sensitive nubs to grow even harder from the usual state the piercings hold them in.

“My girl’s so needy, huh? It’s a shame I stayed home, coulda’ really enjoyed playin’ with ya’ at the bar.” You clench around his fingers, earning a mischievous chuckle from him. “Next time.”

“P - promise?”

“Mhm. And next time, I’ll fuck ya’ right before we leave,” He presses the heel of his palm against your clit, setting off a wave of shivers and whimpers out of you. “Cum in that tight, pretty pussy of yours, and make ya’ leave the house with nothin’ on underneath. Spend the rest of the night tryin’ not to drip everywhere like the greedy lil’ brat you are.”

“Oh g- god, oh my god, oh my fucking god—“

“Does that convince ya’? That enough?” He’s smirking while watching you unravel at the seams. “Of course it ain’t enough. Nothin’s enough for my greedy brat.”

Your body shakes, eyes rolling back as your nails dig into his arm, practically riding his fingers at this point.

“That’s okay, though. Gonna be mine forever, yeah? Got all the time in the world to make ya’ cum, over, and over, and over… ” You nod mindlessly, heat spreading throughout every inch of your being. “Gonna give ya’ what ya’ want… what y’need, forever. Make you cum ‘til you pass out, give in to every filthy fantasy y’have—”

“M’yours, I’m yours Gator, all yours,” You’re a babbling wreck, just on the edge of your high. “Gonna give you— ohmygod— give y- you everything y’need, too.”

“I know you will, Darlin’, ‘cause you’re my good girl,” Gator’s face presses close to yours, lips barely touching. “C’mon, cum for me. Wanna get ya’ soaked before I fuck ya’ dumb.”

Nearly screaming, Gator crashes his lips against yours, swallowing your filthy, desperate noises as you gush all over his hand. You flutter and clench around his fingers while convulsing as you ride your high out. You’re fucked out. Beyond it. All from his fingers.

Pulling back, he grins as he finds you panting, practically drooling all over yourself.

“How y’feelin’?”

You fall forward into him, laughing breathily. “I think I just died and went to—“ as he pulls his fingers out, he brushes against your clit; you’re sensitive enough for another high to pull you in quickly. You cry out, and Gator doesn’t shut you up in time before your sound echoes around the apartment. 

“Fuckin’ hell,” He groans while his hand comes up into view, slick and sticky from your arousal. He leans in to clean your release off his fingers, but you lean in too, doing the exact same. Between his fingers, your tongues touch. When the two of you realize what you had done, you’re both whining and whimpering at the sight of one another.

“That was disgusting,” Gator groans, pulling you into a sloppy kiss, swapping spit and your slick. He breaks the kiss, panting “So fuckin’ hot, Angel.”

You’re lost in a daze, slumping forward into him once more. “Wanna fuck you,” You murmur, giving lazy kisses to his neck.

“You’re too fucked out,” He breathily laughs, kissing your forehead. “Maybe y’should go to sleep.”

“Only if you let me cockwarm you,” You’re slurring your words, but you’re mostly intoxicated from the two orgasms that tore through you, and maybe the tiny bit of tequila still in your system.

Gator’s cock kicks underneath you, restrained from the fabric of his pants.

“Fuck, okay, yeah,” He pushes you off of him gently, holding you up as he rises to his feet. You’re wobbly as he leads you upstairs to the bedroom. You’re perfectly content with collapsing on the bed, still in your dress, but Gator helps you out of it.

“You’re so good to me, Gator.”

“M’just helping you change, ain’t that big of a deal, Darlin’.” He chuckles, but you shake your head. 

“Not that, I mean with everything. It was silly of me to even think you didn’t want to be together anymore. I’m so—“

“What’d I say?” He throws your dress to the floor, hand resting on your hip, caressing the plushy curve with his thumb. The other hand cradles the side of your face. Your eyes flutter shut over his touch. “No apologies, right?”

You nod languidly, glimpsing at him through lust-heavy lids, “Right.”

Gator leans in, kissing your forehead and lingering for a moment, admiring the little sigh of satisfaction you release.

“Lay down for me, Darlin’.” You follow his order, sighing happily as you hit the mattress. He strips quickly, climbing into bed next to you. Without being told, you turn on your side as he spoons you, cock dripping with precum as he teases your folds with it.

“I’ll never get tired of you. Never get tired of— holy shit—“ Your breath hitches as he sinks into you. “— o- of makin’ you feel good. Never gonna get sick of how good you feel, takin’ my cock like a good girl.”

You whimper, clenching around him as he nestles deep, as far as he can go. You feel so full, head falling back onto his shoulder as he holds your hips in place.

“I know, Darlin’, must be hard to be patient when all you wanna do is ride me, huh?” He kisses up the back of your neck, with a tauntingly slow pace. Reaching the spot right behind your ear, he leaves one last kiss that forces you to shiver.

“Earlier, y’mentioned if I wished you were still drunk so I could do whatever I wanted… that somethin’ you’re into?”

You tighten around him, pulling a sigh out of him as he nuzzles into your hair. His hands snake up your exposed figure, toying with your tits again.

“Mhm… or if you got me fucked up in the first place.” You reach a hand back, gripping into his hip while rolling your ass back against him. He doesn’t stop you from moving this time. “Make me all dumb before y’even touch me, make me do whatever y’want.”

Gator pulsates against your walls as he stifles a groan, “I can do that without the alcohol, Angel. You’re easy to please once you’re all blissed out, n’shit.” He lazily snaps his hips into you, tugging at your piercings to make you squirm.

“What happened t- to keeping still?”

“Later,” He pants, keeping a slow and steady pace. 

“We never last long with this shit,” You breathily laugh, but it dissolves into a whine as he hits your sweet spot. Though you love this position, an idea pops into your head. “Baby, wait.”

His thrusts stop, “You okay?” You nod, pulling yourself off of him, and he lets you but there’s a strangled groan at the loss of your warmth deep in his throat.

“Sit up,” You point to the pillows, and Gator does, head resting back on the wall behind the bed. 

“You’re not gon’ cuff me again, are ya’?” His length twitches at his own words, tip rosy and leaking precum with need. 

You shake your head with a smirk, straddling him, rubbing your folds along his shaft. He shudders out an “Oh, fuck.”

“No, just wanna show y’somethin’.” You sink down onto him with ease, still soaked from before. He whimpers, completely sheathed in your warmth, trying to buck up, but you hold his legs down, staying seated and still.

“Darlin’, don’t do this to me again,” He groans, kicking against your smooth, tight walls. “What’d you wanna show me?”

Your hips roll forward, earning more sweet noises from Gator. As you slowly ride him, you lean your forehead into his, breathing with a still fucked-out smile, “How much I love you.”

That pulls out the whiniest moan from him. Grabbing your face in his hand, he pulls you into a kiss, soft and slow while you grab his shoulders, in need of balance.

As you pull away, Gator grins at you sweetly, but when his gaze falls to where the two of your bodies meet, he groans shamelessly. “Love you s’much, so- oh my god—“ You lean back, finding a delicious angle that pleases you both. His hands roam your curves, “Feels so good, angel.”

You return to him, lips on his neck in an instant, murmuring, “Gonna let me make y’feel good forever?”

Gator chuckles sleepily, “Until the day our joints get too old for shit like this.”

You giggle against his skin, nipping softly before sucking the sore spots. The vibrations of your laugh make the love bites so much sweeter. 

“I’d get a hip replacement for you,” You quip, muffling more giggles into his neck.

“That’s peak romance, right there,” He snorts, head lolling back against the wall.

Kisses trail along his jawline, bringing him back into the intimate moment. “I’d do a- anything for you, you know that, right?” Your hips move faster as you grind down, brushing your clit against him every so often, making you jolt. 

“I’d do anythin’ for you, Darlin’.” Gator’s lips are on yours again as he thrusts up into you, matching your pace. “I’m all yours,” He moans your name, with a string of curses to follow. “Y’have me, forever.”

He leans down to your chest, tongue tracing around one nipple, the other with his fingers. His touch is tender and playful, causing your back to arch, pushing you closer to him. His fingers and lips switch places; he glances up at you as he laps at the sensitive bud, and something about the eye contact pushes you to the edge, but not over it yet.

“You have me forever, too, Gator— oh— f- fuck— please…”

Gator pulls away, spit trailing from his lips to your peaked nub, leaving your piercing glistening with the slick. Feeling your walls tighten around him, he toys with your clit, watching your head fall back in a silent cry. Walls fluttering, your hips jerk gracelessly as you finally reach your high. 

You’re drained as he continues to chase his own high; his arms wind and lock around you, pulling you close as he hammers up into you, grunting in your ear as your head rests on his shoulder.

“Gonna— m’gonna— “

You force yourself back up to watch, rasping out, “Cum for me, Gator.” You grab his face, though tired, you still look so angelic to him. “Be good f’me… fill me up, make me yours.”

Distant voices float up from the stairwell, right as Gator’s crying out. You slap your hand back over his mouth, riding him even faster. Tears line his eye as it rolls back and he spills into you, shaking and moaning roughly in the palm of your hand. His entire face is red as he pulsates within you, coating your walls.

Gator pushes your hand away as he comes down, catching your lips in his, savoring a soft, blissed out kiss. You pull back, panting against him with a smirk.

“What was that about you fuckin’ me dumb?” He gives an eye roll before pinching your ass. “Hey!” He grins tiredly.

“I love you. I love us. I love our life together.” He whispers, lips still lingering on yours. “And m’gonna love it, and us, and you forever. And if you keep questioning that, I guess we’ll just have to fuck it out all over again.”

“I mean… if we have to…”

Lazily, he slaps your ass, triggering a yelp out of you, followed by sleepy laughter, “C’mon, brat, let’s clean up and go t’bed. We got big plans tomorrow.”

With a groan, you roll off of him; he gets up first, helping you up on wobbly legs.

The simple moments between memories of intimacy, the domestic undertones, with or without the teasing banter— they’re becoming more and more precious to you as time carries on.  

There was point where you couldn’t imagine life with Gator, but now, you can’t imagine your life without him. He’s always expressing gratitude for the second chance you gave him, but you don’t say enough how thankful you are, and always will be, that he was willing to trust you and restart his life for the better.

══════════════════

By sunrise, you’re startled awake by a blaring alarm, you try sitting up, until you find Gator slumped over you, still deep in sleep while drooling on your chest. 

“Gator, get up,” You’re hissing as you try shoving him off of you, but he nuzzles into you, arms wrapping around tightly.“I gotta shut that damn alarm off!”

Maybe choosing the most obnoxious alarm sound did its job; you’re up on the first round of its tone, but the longer it continues to screech through the apartment, the more irritated you become.

“Tillman, if you don’t let me go, I’ll bite you.”

He giggles tiredly, content in his spot, still half asleep and unbothered by the ear piercing nuisance. “That a promise, Darlin’?”

With an eye roll and an exaggerated groan, you shove him off of you, leaving him to flop onto the pillows with a whine. Stumbling across the room, you grab your phone off the dresser, turning off the horrid alarm for good. 

“Did you put this over here last night?”

“Uh-huh, smart, right?” He continues to bury himself back under the covers with a sigh as he relaxes again. “That way we’d have to get up.”

“What’s this ‘we’ business? I’m the one who got up!”

“Y’did,” He chuckles, like a damn brat, thinking he won. He doesn’t hear you come back over as he continues his taunting, “M’so proud of you— hey!”

Gator sits up with the grumpiest expression as you yank the covers back. It’s honestly hilarious to watch him pout so humorously while he’s still completely naked.

Then again, you must equally look like a fool with your hair disheveled after rolling out of bed, also still naked, now holding the sheets back with a devilish grin.

“What time is it?” He grabs your phone from your hands, answering his own question. “6? In the morning? Angel, what the hell’s wrong with ya’?”

“The beach gets crowded fast! All the tourists make finding a spot annoying, so we gotta go in a bit.” Then you add, “Plus, there’s the ride there—“

“Ain’t it like, 20 minutes? That ain’t bad.”

“Yeah, but the to—“

“Oh, c’mon, like you’re not a technically a glorified tourist.”

His backwards logic has you barking out a short laugh. “Babe, that’s not the same, like, at all. Also, what are you, then?!”

“Okay, fine, what’s the other word?”

“Transplant?”

“Yeah, that—“

“For the record, Tillman, I’ve lived here for over a decade now, I think I have enough seniority to not be called that,” You’re losing the battle of trying to hold back more giggles. “Besides, you’re living here for what, half a year? Shut it.”

He sighs, shaking his head and shrugging, “Well, alright, if ya’ insist,” Leaning forward quickly, he grabs you by the waist, tugging you back into bed. You hit the mattress with a yelp.

“Gator!”

“What? You said I needed to shut up,” He grins, a trace of sleepiness still gracing his features. 

“Yeah, but…” You trail off while Gator kisses softly down your neck, wandering further down, taking his time to tease your sensitive spots with his tongue. 

“S’okay, Darlin’, I got a perfect way to do that,” He drags his lips down your hips in wet kisses, fingers digging into the plush of your thighs as he pushes them apart.

“But we gotta get ready…” Your words twist into a whine as he creeps up your thighs with more kisses, leaving a few bites in between. 

“We got time, right?”

“Uh—“ Gator cuts you off as he drags his nose along your clit, following with a teasing lap of his tongue. Your words vanish as your back arches. 

“What was that?” Again, he licks a long, slow stripe up your folds before teasing your core with open-mouthed, wet kisses. Your hands find their way into his hair, tugging lightly to bring his face closer to your core.

“W- we— Gator… don’t stop, don’t—“ You slap your hand over your face to muffle your moans, but he tugs your arm back down. Arms hooked under your legs, he grabs your wrists, pinning them to the bed. 

“Say it.” The noises he makes between your slick and his spit are obscene, slurping your arousal as it drips into his mouth.

“We g- got time,” You grab his wrists in return, hips rolling as you grind against his face; a strangled moan hangs in the balance between your lungs and the oxygen around you, waiting to catch the sound and send it across the apartment.

“Good girl,” He groans, taking his time as he softly tongues at your clit, lips wrapping around to suck gently. “Just gotta stay quiet for me, angel. Think you can do that?” 

You bite down onto your bottom lip, whining muffled as you tense under his skillful tongue; silently, you nod, eyes twisting shut.

Gator pulls back, biting your thigh roughly, watching with a dark gaze as you gasp, eyes flying back open.

“Eyes on me, Darlin’.” He gets back to work, humming against your clit, adding vibrations that reverberate through your entire being as you shake. Still, you force yourself to watch him as you begin falling apart. “That’s it, just like that. Good girl.”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

The beach— Coney Island— wasn’t far, just a short commute away from where you lived on the opposite side in Brooklyn. Still, as you pitched a giant umbrella in the sand, Gator admits defeat.

“Alright, fine. You were right, it does get crowded pretty fast,” He helps you shove the pole into the sand, securing the umbrella. 

“S’only gonna get worse, it’s supposed to get real hot today.”

The group put up a few more umbrellas so everyone had sun protection, with Jinx warning everyone, “You all better wear your damn sunscreen today. I don’t wanna hear anyone whining that their ink is fading.”

“Okay, tattoo mom, we get it.” Ty teases, throwing his shirt off happily. His top surgery scars weren’t a concern to him; he was just happy to be himself, finally. Even if that meant being shirtless at the beach.

He’s grinning at you and Gator, like a proud little brother, until Jinx literally slaps a handful of sunscreen onto his back. “Whoa!” You snort while he flips you off.

Jinx is having none of it, “I mean it, Tyler. You better—“

“Nuh-uh, no full name shit!”

Ivy glares at the two, leaning back in her beach chair while plugging her ears with her headphones. “Children.”

Everyone ends up doing their own thing while you and Gator take your time, but you notice he’s acting a little… off. 

Tilting your sunglasses down, you glance at him, “You wanna head in?”

Gator hesitates, sitting back on his hands with his legs out on the beach towel. His incredibly dark sunglasses hide any certainty of his expression, making it hard for you to read him.

“I…” He’s staring out to the water, and slowly you start to notice the way he ever so slightly cringes at the waves crashing.

You sit next to him, leaning closer as you kiss his shoulder.

“What’s up?”

“I’ve never…” Gator shakes his head, looking down at the sand. “It’s dumb.”

“Hey, we talked about this, love.” You reach for his hand, lacing it in yours. Your palms are warm and a little slippery from the sunscreen, but he doesn’t pull back. “If it upsets you, it’s not dumb. I won’t ever judge you for that.”

He nods, his other hand sandwiching yours between his other.

“Kinda freaks me out… all that water, and shit,” He laughs nervously, shaking his head. “Ain’t it deep?” 

“Not unless you go out really, really far.”

“Don’t people get pulled under waves?”

“It can happen, but if you’re safe and know your limits, you’ll be okay.”

“It’s just so… so different from the lakes we’d go to as kids, y’know?”

“It is, but it can be just as fun.” You’re taking your time with him, knowing how overwhelming it can be to jump into something you fear all at once, and quite literally, too. “But if you’re not comfortable, you don’t have to go in. I can stay up here with you, we can just hang out, do our own thing. Or go up to the boardwalk! Whatever you wanna do, I wanna do.”

Gator’s quiet as he thinks, squeezing your hand. “If you wanna go in, don’t let me stop ya’. I know you’ve been lookin’ forward to today.”

You shrug, smiling warmly at him. “I was excited for you to see the ocean for the first time, that’s all. I can come here any time, but I won’t force you—“

“No, you’re not forcing me. Promise. I like this. I think it’s just the idea of gettin’ swept away that scares me.” He sounds so… small. Like he’s shrinking inside himself. 

You’ve seen Gator scared before, but usually it was trauma based. It wasn’t usually your average, rational fear of the unknown, and it’s unfamiliar to watch unfold, yet still deserves to be approached with caution and care all the same.

“Tell ya’ what, if you wanna try it out, I’ll go with ya’. Take it super slow, no pressure. If you hate it, we can come back up here. I’ll hold your hand if y’want, too.” 

Sighing loudly, he shakes off his nerves. “Should give it a shot, y’know, just to say I did.”

You try restraining your face from breaking into a grin, afraid you’ll scare him off from the idea.

The two of you make it to the water, standing on the very edge, where what’s left of every wave might reach.

“Oh… that’s… that ain’t so scary.” With hands laced together, you gently lead him into the water with you, inch by inch. 

Right now, the waves softly crash over your feet, and he’s startled at first by how easy it is to sink into the sand if you stay in one place for a while. But he laughs off his nerves, pulling you into the water a little more on his own.

“S’chilly,” he shivers, holding your hand tightly, but his lips are slowly curving upward. He’s got a pure, childlike wonder as he experiences the ocean waves for the first time. The waves rock over your ankles, adding a bit more pressure with each push of the water, but he’s not frightened.

“Opal, I’m not going out that far, you goof!” The two of you glance over to Bea and her partner not too far off; Opal’s already waist deep while Bea waves her off with a chuckle. She spots the pair of you, wading over in the ankle deep waves. 

“I think Opal’s part fish,” You joke, and Bea rolls her eyes.

“If she could, she’d live in the water like a dang mermaid,” She quips, glancing up at Gator. “How’s your first beach day goin’, kid?”

“Intimidating… but it ain’t so bad. Sunshine’s been makin’ it easier on me,” He grins to you, hand still gripping yours, but not so much with fear anymore. It’s more with certainty, just happy to be here, be anywhere, with you.

Bea smirks over at you, “She makes everything easier, huh?”

“Oh, y’all, shush!” You lean down, allowing the ocean to wash over your hand before flicking some water at them both. Bea scoffs out a laugh while Gator grows quiet. You worry you’ve done something wrong, until he looks back at Bea.

“Bea, m’sorry, I have to take care of somethin’,” He glances back at you, brows raised before leaning down to splash water back up at you. 

The water’s cold on your face, and you gasp. “Gator!”

“No, you do what you gotta do, kid.” She teases, laughing and wandering back to Opal. “Sunshine, you’re in trouble.” Meanwhile, Gator comes closer, but you back into the water further.

“Don’t you dare—“

“What? You started it,” He inches towards you, and you run back a few feet; that only starts a chase, with Gator sprinting after you as the two of you continue splashing each other. “Someone’s gotta finish it!”

Where the two of you run around and play is relatively open, the least crowded part of the beach. It’s like you’re kids again, teasing and taunting one another in pure fun, laughter rising loudly above the sounds of waves crashing and chatter among beach-goers.

Gator finally catches up to you, arms wrapping around you, laughing in your ear, “Got ya’ now, Sunshine.”

“I let you catch up.”

“Yeah, sure ya’ did.” Despite his eye being hidden by his sunglasses, his tone ensures there’s an eye roll paired with his retort.

Catching your breath, you admire the way the sunshine glitters across the water, but then it dawns on you. “Hey, did you notice where we ended up?”

“What?” Gator glances around and, oh— there’s water everywhere. The two of you are in up to your chests. At first, he tenses up, but you wrap your arms back around him.

“I’m right here, you’re safe, love.” Your voice brings him back from his panic, nodding.

“Yeah… yeah, m’always safe with you, Darlin’.” He holds you in the water, appreciating how warm you are in the cold waves. The water’s not rough out here, and the rocking is actually soothing to him. “This is really… nice.” He kisses your cheek softly, “Lil’ scary… but nice.”

“M’proud of ya’, Gator.” You kiss him, feeling his grin against your own, salt water dripping from his face. Pulling back, you check in, “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m at the beach for the first time, all our friends are here, you’re here, and also such a babe in that swimsuit,” You’re laughing, splashing him playfully again. His smile never falters. “I’’d say I’m doin’ great, Darlin’.”

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

The day flew by quickly, spent between the beach and the boardwalk, and the two amusement parks. Out of everyone in the group, you and Gator were the only ones left, ending the night on the Wonder Wheel.

With the blazing July sun setting, and the ocean’s breeze, it was cooler up on the ferris wheel. You were both worn out from being in the sun and waves all day, and though you were looking forward to crashing in bed, you were enjoying the peace of this moment— in a stationary car, not the swinging ones— with him. 

The lights from the rides illuminate Gator’s face, sleepy and a little rosy, sun-kissed, but he looks so happy. He looks happier most days than not since moving out here. Even despite the heavy, life-altering news he received the week before, he was coping in healthier ways than he would have back in the Midwest.

But right now, there’s a different kind of calm radiating from him.

“I really needed today,” He breaks the comfortable silence, tearing his gaze away from the lights below to lock his gaze with yours. To this day, that soft expression he gives in moments like these still make your tummy flutter wildly. “Thanks, Darlin’. Sorry we didn’t get to talk ‘bout wedding stuff today.”

“S’alright,” You shrug, leaning into him while cupping the side of his face. Your thumb brushes along his cheekbone as your lips barely rest on his with a smirk, “We got time.”

[klausbens]

ONLY FRIENDS (2023)

[some-pers0n]

I don't mean to be a Hater but I literally cannot see a confrontation where Spy comes clean to Scout that he's his father and it Scout accepting it. Did you forget you're talking about THE SCOUT?? Hired mercenary who frequently brags about how well he can bash a guy's skull in? There's no way Spy would tell Scout about it and they all leave unscathed.

[potatobugz]

come here son i am going to infect you with my inosuke + kanao sibling agenda

(do not tag as ship)

[shima-draws]

For anyone doubting whether or not to watch the MLB movie: I do have lots of positive things to say about it, but most importantly. Fucking. Daddy Gabriel. HE IS SO!!! He is so.

If you’re gonna do it do it for him

[supercantaloupe]

What is the antisemitism in TUC season 1? Does it have to do with Wally the golem?/gen

[ID: an ask from an anonymous tumblr user that reads "would love to hear more about the antisemitism in unsleeping city! was a while ago that i watched it and can't remember what you might be referencing but definitely want to be aware of it.]

no, it's not about willy the golem -- i actually think willy is a great addition to the season (even if i wish we got to see more of him), and an indication to me that brennan/the showrunners were definitely trying to be sincere and inclusive. i want to make it clear that i don't think anything antisemitic in tuc is there intentionally; i think it's there out of simple ignorance, which is also why i think fans don't frequently see/comment on it either. but i don't think that's an excuse, either.

my grief with tuc1 is largely centered around its portrayal of robert moses as the villain. especially by making him a greedy, power-hungry lich working en league with bloodsucking vampires. (also his mini is literally a green skinned skull man in a suit. yikes.) here's the thing; i know robert moses was a real life horrible person, who actually was racist and powerhungry etc etc. and i know that robert moses, the real actual person, was jewish. my grief with tuc1 is not that they chose to use robert moses over literally any other person (real or fictional) to be their season villain (though i'd be really curious to know what tuc1 would have looked like with a different villain), but that they chose to take a real jewish person, turn them into an antisemitic caricature, and then only barely add other portrayals of judaism to balance that out.

like, tuc isn't completely devoid of other jewish representation. as you mention, there's willy the golem -- and again, i really like willy, and i love that it's a portrayal of a golem that's faithful to jewish folklore (ie as a benevolent, guardian construct rather than a mindless destructive monster. i am not a fan of how 'golem' is so frequently misused as a generic enemy creature in other fantasy and ttrpg spaces, including other seasons of d20). but as i said earlier, i wish we see more of him in the season, because he's not around very much, and feels a little more like worldbuilding than a full character to me. also, he's not human. jews are people.

the only other human jewish character in tuc1 is...stephen sondheim. which, again, yeah, that's a real person who really was jewish. but i really wouldn't blame you if you had no idea of that when watching tuc1. maybe from the name you could guess he might be jewish, but i don't think people ought to make a habit of trying to 'clock' someone being jewish by having a 'jewish-sounding' surname. as he's portrayed in tuc1, you'd never know he's jewish, unless you happen to already be pretty knowledgeable about the man in real life. it's far more likely you'll know him as a theater legend than anything else (may his memory be a blessing).

now i'm not saying that brennan or the showrunners should have played up the jewishness of Real Person Stephen Sondheim to counterbalance the depiction of robert moses; that just feels weird to me, especially considering that sondheim was literally alive when tuc1 was filmed and released. it's a tricky thing to portray real people in fiction alongside made up characters, especially when they are contemporaries, and i don't think 'outright caricature' is the way to go about that. nor do i think that moses' jewishness should have been played up at all, because again i don't think that would have been particularly true to the person/character, and also Fucking Yikes. but, c'mon, if you hear the names 'moses' and 'sondheim' next to each other, which one do you associate more with judaism?

and as it stands, these are the only representations of judaism in tuc1. one admittedly nice but very minor nonhuman character; one human character you'd never be able to tell was jewish; and a third human character who, while never explicitly referenced as jewish, plays into some really hurtful antisemitic stereotyping. and it was a choice to not include anything else. maybe not a deliberate one, probably more likely one made out of simple ignorance than anything else, but a choice nonetheless. in a city with one of the largest and most visibly jewish populations in the country, and a culture that is inextricably influenced by that jewish population. a jewish population which has been and continues the target of rising hate crimes for years. i know that nyc means different things to different people, and everyone's nyc is their own -- but my nyc is jewish, and it sucks that that its jewishness is referenced directly in only one very minor way, which is greatly overshadowed by its, in my view, really insidious indirect references.

i don't know exactly how to go about addressing this. obviously, the show can't be changed by now. even if it could, i think the final product would be very significantly different from what it is now if the villain was something/someone else. i think including more references to jews in new york, more (human) jewish characters, hell, even mentioning hanukkah celebrations and menorahs in windows (it takes place in late december, after all; depending on the year it's not at all out of place for hanukkah to coincide with xmas!) would help. having literally any more positive jewish representation in tuc1 would, i think, help balance the bad stuff that's there. because, yeah, robert moses was real and he was terrible and he was jewish. but he's one jewish guy in a city with over a million jews, the vast majority of whom are just normal people. i don't want him to be the only vision of us that people get, in tuc1 alone or in any media. i'm not saying that jews can't or shouldn't be villains in fiction; but especially if you are a goyische creator, you should be really careful in how you're portraying us, and if there are other contrasting depictions in your work, too, in order to not (even accidentally) demonize jewish people as a whole.

[twinstxrs]

thinking about how gorgug + kristen perceive both their own deaths & each other’s, and how that impacts their relationship. bc i feel like freshman year kristen was too caught up in her newfound knowledge of the nature of her own god to truly clock & process gorgug’s internal revulsion of where he went after he died, & freshman year gorgug wasn’t familiar enough with the complexities of other people to truly lock onto the sorrow buried within the chaos of kristen’s upward/downward/sideways spiral until she was seemingly on the other side of it. & i wonder if they’ve ever really talked about it (unlikely), or if they’ve just cracked very few jokes that didn’t land and decided to never quite do the work & dig through that part of their relationship. but there’s a kinship there; kristen specifically singles out gorgug to tell him she died again, and gorgug apologizes that he wasn’t there with her this time. gorgug takes one of the finger bones off kristen’s newly/long-time decayed corpse to have an anchor to something in the world. despite the fact that they were in different places after death, having been together during it means everything.

anyways what i’m trying to say is i think they should talk about it.

[lucy-ghoul]

why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip

[steelycunt]

everyone get up and make some noise for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!! we're losing our minds over here for sirius' vivienne westwood two cowboys with their cocks out shirt!!

[todayisafridaynight]

@ your tags about akiyama: no but he must’ve been so fucked up over that though??? 8 years. He was ghosted for 8 years and he knew it was bullshit the entire time but Date kept pushing him away and Kiryu never said anything to him. 8 fucking years. I’ve been turning that “guess I didn’t matter since I wasn’t part of your little gang” line in my head for WEEKS that shit HURTS (in both a good and bad way fuck you rgg but also mmmm good angst). justice for aki man he don’t deserve that shit though

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING LIIIIIKE

it's the most cathartic feeling in the world whenever someone yells at or tells kiryu in one way or another how selfish his actions are or how his actions have hurt them or others... like thank you so much akiyama kiryu really deserves to get clocked out sometimes...

[juicedbeetle]

I just love when he does creacher shit like this so much