#sorry to use this parks and rec image but i literally did say this out loud at the first one

[riskeith]

happy weekend dearest!

other than the snow angels, i haven’t done much.,, just been cozying it up with coffee and blankets at home hehe. 30 degrees... amazing. ideal feeling like a rotisserie chicken weather. 😌 bc of global warming we’ve been having some great summers these past few years. it even gets to 30 degrees as well which was unheard of tbh.

you’re so cute for caring ilysm <3 and aaa! a walk! do you have any perticular place you enjoy walking to or does the winds guide you, hehe? EDITING A FIC... 👀 i’m looking respectfully...... 👀 wait did the event open up for you already? i tried to play it earlier today but it wasn’t there yet... the lost riches one right?

bennett is best boy i still can’t believe it either!!! he’s seriously the cutest he just makes me so happy. when i need to explore and run around i always run with him bc i love his lines so much. what a bebie. you should go for it there are still some days left! + he’s a four star so he’s easier to get. GUOBA IS SO FUNNY he’s just.... a little fucking bear i can’t stop laughing... tbh the little creatures like amber’s bunny too just 😭 have you seen those yt clips of them dancing? obsession..

i need to ask you this bc when i found out i lost my mind: did you know that the japanese va for razor is also the va for tsukishima (haikyuu) and shigaraki (bnha)???? insane!!! it made me consider switch to japanese dub tbh.. which dub do you use?

maybe i’ll send you a little part and you can read or something shdkdhskdjdjf help 😳 it’s not edited or anything so it might take a while plus i’m super into writing bnha these days so.... but hey if You have any prompts you want to read maybe i’ll write a drabble for you. i don’t mind at all! <33333 ask for anything!!

(FIC-COLLAB!!:!/$:)!:&//&/!$:’sidnd HELP.... omg what kind of fic would we write....?)

exactly! i think when you realize that there’s nothing keeping you there anymore that brings you joy, that’s when you need to step back. social media is a bit fucked up that way imo. like you want to be there to be informed and to have fun but it takes so much.. hm. also you always tell me this but i wanna tell you to that YOU are the reason i enjoy social media these days so.. thank you <3

you relate to bakugou and lance? that’s super hot of you.. 🥵 my wifey is a self assured, super intense and talented person.. couldn’t ask for better tbh. i think out of them both i’m pretty much like todoroki.. we’re super similar in so many ways now that i think about it shsjdhdhdj.. how about we just stay c.r and m.a our dynamic is perfect as is LMAO

DOUBLE VENTI! I’D LOOOOVE THAT FOR US. bow users are difficult indeed but venti is one of the easier bow users it feels like... idk watching others game play he doesn’t have as much pushback as say amber for example. 12K PRIMOGEMS..... babe you’re getting your xiao!!!!!! how long have you been saving? also i seriously don’t mind if it comes down to it hakshddkhd i can be your genshin sugar mommy... ;) imagine a c6 venti though that seems insane. literal insanity.

SPEAKING OF SHIPPING.... THE POST YOU POSTED... THEY STOLE OUR IDEA AND IT LOOKS SO CUTE AND ITS CHONGYUN AND XINGYUN WHICH IS EVEN BETTER... THEY LOOK SOOOOO CUTE TOGETHER I’M OBSESSEDDDDD!!!! <3333 dude idk how but we are doing that co-op date somehow i’m super inspired i want that for us so badly... (also i need to say smth... my love language is when people say ‘i thought of you when i...’ and the fact that you said that just hsjdfhjdjdksk shit)

actually you’re right.. the only way we’d get a sequel is if they did something with the mfe fighters.. like kinkade james veronica nadia and ina. idk how attractive that would be tho...

i’m a lady, my dearest *dips* no but my pronouns are she/her!! sorry i didn’t mention it before i thought i made it clear shsjsjdkdj. ty for asking tho ♥️ super sweet!

AAA!!!!!!!!!! EEE!! i’m super super excited. if it’s like,, too public and you don’t just wanna post it i might think about exposing myself or smth... if that would make you more comfy. no matter what you do i’m just gonna be here buzzing, *hinata voice* one more one more one more.

oh!! i listen to everything but kpop sjdjdkdhdk i did have a semi-phase around like 2014-19 ish but dropped it pretty hard . now i have no clue what goes on there anymore i mostly enjoy rnb indie n rap/hip.. my gay ass was considering making a little playlist or smth for u but i want to make it with songs You’d like so i might pull up my old kpop faves hehe..

guess chilling is out of the question then, heh. hope you slept well!! i’m gonna try to wake up earlier so we’ll have a chance to send more messages during the weekend perhaps... mwah!!

YOURS, m.a. <3

happy weekend!!!! hope you can ease up a bit since there’s no school hehe

“feeling like a rotisserie chicken weather” FHSKFHKSDF yes!! but it honestly sucks when it gets any hotter bc we don’t have central cooling in our house so rip... and my laptop fan goes crazy ahaha. 30 degrees being unheard of.. can’t relate! fsdfjs. have you guys had to adjust to those changing temperatures? rip climate change tho :’(

<333 i do!! i usually walk to the local park and then the streets around that.. omg speaking of... do you play pokemon go? DHAFKHSDKFHSKDFHKSDH i got back into it again recently ahaha. it’s for a free bakudeku zine!! hehehe it’s out at the end of jan so 👀

i just checked and the event is open !!!!!!!!! good luck hehe !

yup lost riches!! and the event opens at 4am server time, so since i’m in asia i get it earlier hehe which colour seelie are you gonna go for tho omg i was debating it with my friend last night.. i’m gonna pick gold!!

baby bennett!! that’s true but i can’t risk getting a 5 star otherwise my pity will reset for xiao fhdskfhskjfhkjshkfj next time :(((( but albedo /is/ super pretty and i see a lot of people saying they like him... NO !!! xiao only >:( no omg i don’t think i’ve seen those clips ? is it mmd where they like dance to other songs and stuff ahah

yes i did!!!! and the VA for diluc is giorno from jjba and kuroko from knb!! omg wait and venti’s VA is hinata did you know that? fun fact i guessed it was him when i first heard his voice LOL that’s my secret talent 😩 and i use japanese dub!! i’ve considered using chinese too bc i can understand it but i just like the japanese voice actors tbh and also i can excuse it as “listening practice” AHAH

yes pls!! sending something bnha is fine too, or legit anything else lmao i’m open arms over here~~ 🤗👐 and ooft... it’s hard thinking of prompts that’s why i always ask others HSDKFJHSDKFHSD but i’ll let you know if i think of something!!!

(no clue!!!! but we could each write from a character’s POV so hopefully it’s more consistent 🤪🤪 idk i have no clue how fic collabs work AHAHA)

yeahhh one of my mutuals said “social media is a curse” and honestly hard agree.. we’re all kinda trapped in a way LMAO. and no pls don’t thank me.. you’re the one who found me first 😩💘 ily..

FSDHKJFS pls you’re making me blush come on 😳😳 but yes i love that for us... m.a. x c.r. the only valid ship 😩

woooo!!!! yeah you’re probably right, like given the fact he’s a 5 star his mechanics are probably different.. i know that diluc’s charged attack is different to the other claymore users so! IM GETTING MY XIAO!!!! and hm i’ve been saving since the middle of zhongli banner! so december 10 ish around then? dragonspine was a blessing tbh i reckon i got sooo many primogems from that. FGJKSHFKJSDHFKSDHSHKJFH my genshin sugar mummy 🥵🥵 c6 venti unstoppable..

AHAHAHA YEAH THEY LOOK /SO/ CUTE TOGETHER!!! i wonder how they got so many of the images tho like they must’ve been so in sync?!?!? ugh that could be us but no cross-server co-op be playin’.. (fhdskjfhdskjfhs um!! noted for future reference 🤪)

omg them.. i always forget about them LMAOOOOOOOOO ugh. actually i wouldn’t be mad if we got a prequel of like when keith was in the garrison... or even when shiro was with adam... ugh so much they could’ve given us and they chose not to

*waggles eyebrows* well hello there, m’lady ;) and it’s fine fhdskjf i had some inklings but didn’t wanna assume ya know? ahah :p

no!! it’s all g, i’ve thought about posting it before anyway. like, just releasing all of my WIPs and letting people do what they want with them HAAHA. (i could also just put the link under a read more and less people would see it, so it’s no biggie!) fkdshfkjs the hinata impression omg precious <33

FJHFDSKJ awks ahah which groups were you into tho! if it’s not like scarring for you to think back to LOL. and oooo i like indie too! i think.. or is it alt? honestly i don’t even know, tbh my music taste is pretty diverse and a mess, i can usually listen to a lot of things. except slow songs i don’t really like those hfdskj. and i don’t like rap too much either FHSDKJS whenever my friend gives me a rec i’m just like “oh i liked the singing parts in that” FDSKJF. a playlist tho huh 😳🥺

and pls!! if the weekend is your only chance to sleep in then do it.. for me 😩 i’ve been legit waking up at 12pm these past few days FKJHSKDF idek why like i’m sleeping 10 hours?? yikes. but as always i shall be waiting for your response <3 💌

[epicstuckyficrecs]

2019 New Writers Fic Rec

After seeing some Discourse on Twitter, I decided to make a fic rec with some of my favorite new writers! All of these writers only started posting Stucky fanfic in 2018 or 2019. So here are some “new” writers and some of my favorite fics from them! (in no particular order)

PS: sorry for not putting the trope, word count and rating as I usually do, I wanted to try and make this fic rec quickly! 

PS2: also sorry if I chopped all your summaries, but some of them are hella long and this post is already... pretty long.

PS3: this went way past “favorite new writers” and just became “great new writers” because I wanted to prove a point, oops. 

verzacefatale 

You be yours and I'll be mine : “Oh, god. We got married, didn’t we?” 

14-Inch Cock and a Few Hundred Bimbos : There are some things in life, Steve muses as he stares down at his crotch, that nothing can prepare you for. His dick suddenly growing six inches in length and another two in girth, just because he opened a box in a Hydra dug out that maybe he should have read the instructions on before he did? How was he to know it was literally magic that would make his cock grow huge?

~

2bestfriends��

Collar Full of Chemistry : AKA a fantasy BDSM romance featuring heavy mutual pining, feelings denial, and enough kink to blackout a bingo card. 

Like Real People Do : AKA the "Lumberjack Steve/Twink Bucky" fic of our hearts.

~

deadonarrival

100,000 Miles And Feeling Very Still : Steve Rogers took a job at NASA and his life is pretty okay. Maybe not great but he has some good friends and things seem to be mostly stable. Except one day their new astronaut recruit walks in and everything in Steve's life goes upside down.

Latte Art and Slow Dancing in the Dark (WIP): Bucky is a somewhat well-adjusted former army sniper that got his shoulder blown out. He took his discharge and went home to finish school and is working on his international relations masters. His best friends and roommates (Nat & Clint) are CIA agents and tip him off that their local Sbux is hiring. He gets a job there and meets none other than the hottest guy on earth.

~

voxofthevoid

(series) couldn't get the boy to kill me (ongoing): Captain America and the Winter Soldier are a terrifying duo on the field, working together with a well-oiled precision that tears through their enemies. Captain Rogers and Agent Barnes are distant coworkers, all polite nods and mission briefings. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are fire and gasoline; the sparks between them have no choice but to roar into raging infernos.

happily ever after has bite marks in it : In which Bucky is aggressively okay with his self-imposed exile from society, and Steve is a werewolf who’s nothing like the Brooklyn boy Bucky still dreams of.

darling heart, i loved you from the start (but that's no excuse for the state i'm in) : Or, the one where Steve saves the mind stone for last and decides to fuck the timeline beyond all recognition, which regrettably involves crawling delicately up Hydra's asshole and less regrettably involves showering a very confused Bucky Barnes with affection.

(series): i'm guilty of treason (i've abandoned control) : S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Bucky Barnes is captured on a mission and meets Commander Steve Rogers, the erstwhile Captain America.It escalates quickly.

four dreams in a row where you were burned : When Steve uses the last of his Pym Particles to travel to 1944 and save his best friend, he doesn’t have a plan beyond leaving behind the battlefield and living his life alongside the people he loves. But the life that finds him is not the one he expects.

~

deisderium

much tattoo about nothing : Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

(series) tits out, lads : On the walk back from Azzano, Bucky keeps touching Steve's chest. Then he touches it some more. And more.

Let Them Eat Cake : Bucky wanted to know why their new pastry chef had gun calluses on his right hand.

deep dive : In which single dad Bucky Barnes has a crush on his daughter's dive team coach and thirsts awkwardly. 

thot through the heart (and you're to blame) : In which Bucky is a baby vampire, a disaster, out to have a good time, and hopelessly in love with his roomate; and in which Steve has a few secrets of his own.

Political Animals (WIP) : or—Steve’s best friend is the U.S. Constitution and he can’t seem to stop fucking a hot Republican. They shouldn’t fall in love, but somehow they do.

~

thedoubteriswise

time on my hands (could be time spent with you) : "You doing okay, kid?” Steve releases a breath, deciding how honest he wants to be. No point in lying. No point in telling the truth, either. "Glad to see you.""That’s not what I asked, but same to you, punk."

honey don't feed it, it will come back : He’s stroking the cat’s fur, which is soft and fine now that it’s clean. He looks so open and inviting. Steve doesn’t close his eyes, watching Bucky’s gentle fingers and trying to come up with a plausible excuse to go touch him.

Ill With Want : Bucky pretends to be asleep when Steve crawls into bed, too tired to feel guilty over the quivery pleasure that settles in his belly when Steve’s arm brushes his. He drifts to sleep in a comfortable haze and tries not to wonder where this feeling was two hours ago when he had Marie in his lap.

~

steebadore

Controlled Release : Bucky's just having a little trouble...finishing. Completing the mission. He can squeeze the trigger but he can't make the shot is what he's saying. Which is why he's here, loitering outside a nice brownstone in Park Slope, trying to find the courage to knock on Captain Come Control dot com's door for his three o'clock appointment.

it takes a lot to know a man : Bucky flips to the next page, and the world around him grinds to a halt as his brain struggles to process what he's seeing. The noise of the train fades and static fills the inside of his head as he looks down at the sketches of the metal-armed guy without the mask. It's—that's him. It's Bucky's own goddamn face staring back at him from this stranger's sketchbook.

~

AidaRonan

Quench : Or the one where archeology intern Bucky Barnes meets actual archeologist Steve Rogers and reaches levels of thirst scientists once believed to be theoretically impossible.

Carnal Synchronicity : AKA A Tale of Two Stevies

Fraternizing With the Enemy : Steve and Bucky are both the presidents of their respective fraternities. Steve thinks Bucky's frat is filled with selfish party animals who care about little else. Bucky thinks Steve is a giant pretentious douchebag who owns too many Lacoste polos. They hate each other. Passionately.

~

lockedlocke

I just need you to show me : A quick google search tells him that the app he needs to get for something quick and easy, with no strings attached is Grindr. He downloads the app while he watches a bit of a Simpsons episode. It doesn’t take long, and when the app is downloaded, he looks at black icon with the yellow mask.

Pride : So here he was, at Pride despite the fact that he’d rather be at home. It’s hot, boiling and his feet hurt a bit from standing all day. Converse might be nice shoes, but Jesus they were terrible for his knees.

~

mcwho

it never hurt nobody : “I thought we agreed that that was creepy.” “No,” Bucky says slowly. “I asked you what you thought about people calling their boyfriends daddy, and you said you thought it was creepy, and then I asked you what the hell you’d done with my grey sweater after you did laundry, and we never talked about it again.”

(series) the serum amplifies : Little PWPs about Steve and Bucky’s sex life and the serums effect on it.

~

missandrogyny

don't know where i'm going (but i'll get back to you and me) : AU where Bucky is an assassin who just can’t seem to kill Steve

~

LeeHan

The Right Partner : Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

The Best Way to Wake : James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something.

~

amethystkrystal

Taking This One Step At A Time : In the weeks that follow, Bucky's omega urges start going haywire, and he realizes that night with Steve may have left him with more than just a fond memory.

Realignment : After assembling their own Infinity Gauntlet, the Avengers defeated Thanos and brought back everyone who disappeared. But their victory came at a great cost: in order to take the Soul Stone, Steve had to sacrifice the Captain America mantle and all the super-soldier strength that came with it.

~

cydonic

Home Is Wherever I'm With You : This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

~

deadto27

The Sweetest Spark : Steve Rogers runs a successful business. He has great friends and a great life. It seems like he has it all. So why is he sitting in a diner on a Friday night alone? Maybe he's just a little lonely. Maybe Bucky Barnes can help with that.

Maybe This Christmas : Bucky’s not going home for Christmas. But it’s fine. He’s spending Christmas alone in his apartment, but it’s cool. He’s not feeling up to seeing his family after his accident anyway, plus he has to work. He’s totally fine with it. But then he runs into Steve, literally, and suddenly his Christmas isn’t looking so empty after all.

~

NachoDiablo

Reconcilable Differences : AKA, "What To Do When Your Zany Fake-Relationship Scheme Actually Works."

~

odetteandodile

If Only In My Dreams : Bucky is a highly successful cooking and lifestyle blogger. He writes all about life in his Connecticut home with his D.H. (darling husband). Only problem? It’s all complete fiction.

So I Took a Faithful Leap : Bucky doesn’t fall and Steve doesn’t crash. The Howling Commados take out the remaining Hydra bases…and then they go home, just like all the other allied soldiers. Steve buys a farm in Washington state, and tries to relearn how to be at peace.

Art Thief, Heart Thief : Agent Steve Rogers is facing a series of art thefts that has him stumped, and looking for a break in the case. Convicted art thief and general high end criminal Bucky Barnes wants to make parole and happens to know all of the right people who could make Steve's job easier.

Under the Hawthorn Tree : A young man wanders into the woods one night, and wanders until he isn't a young man anymore—but something else. Seventy years later, another man follows him. Inside of a magic ring, they meet.

~

canistakahari

don't threaten me with a good time : Steve's taken him on vacation to a cabin in Canada in the middle of winter, so it's obviously the perfect time for his body to go haywire. Bucky is determined to stick it out, though, partly because he's a stubborn bastard, but mostly because he feels some kinda way about Steve.

Heckin' Chunker for Love : On the inside of the big floor to ceiling window of the office across the street, someone has used Post-it Notes to spell out a message: W H A T I S Y O U R C A T ’ S N A M E ?

(TBR) All of Your Love is Sunlight : Sometimes the path to happiness involves bad timing turned good, a butt plant, and a little everyday magic. For Steve and Bucky, it's all that and more.

~

birdjay

(TBR) STAR PLAN : He’s the most gorgeous thing Bucky’s ever laid eyes on.He’s his new tentative boss. Maybe. If this interview goes well enough, anyway. “So, Mr. Barnes?” Steve asks, blinking at him from across a particle board table. “You ever work security before?”

stay : The platform buzzes, and suddenly goes quiet. The cycle has finished. Bucky doesn’t bother to look. There’s no way Steve’s coming back when he has the chance to stay. He moves to walk away, to move on with his life, somehow. “Buck -- ?”

(TBR) The Conservation of a 17th Century Painting : Steve can’t even remember the last time he’s spoken to someone actually interested in art, who coincidentally is also someone he’d like to bang. Actually, no. He’s never had that happen.

~

dragongirlG

Searching Every Lonely Place : After the Battle of New York in 2012, Steve searches for Bucky with the help of the Avengers as he bumbles through a series of comedic misunderstandings with undercover HYDRA agents.

Reclamation : The Winter Soldier’s mask never falls off when he fights Captain America on the overpass and the helicarrier. That doesn’t stop the Soldier from recognizing Captain America and wondering why the man’s face is haunting his scattered memories.

~

megs_bee

Nothing Good Ever Happens On A Tuesday : Recently discharged soldier James Barnes is back in Brooklyn, down an arm and missing five years of memories, but he’s got his PTSD mostly under control, a fancy metal prosthetic, and what’s starting to feel like it could be a half-decent life. What he doesn’t have is any memory of the kid looking at James and asking him, “Are you my daddy?” -- or the gorgeous blond guy standing next to her.

A Ghost Before You Were a Ghost Story : “I’m sorry to wake you, Sir, but there appears to be an intruder on the roof. ”Tony finds the camera showing a figure standing alone on the roof, black tactical gear blending into the black night sky. Barely a shadow among shadows, save for the glint of silver along the figure’s left side. The Winter Soldier.

~

VenusMonstrosa

Extant : After a sudden and violent storm forces the crew of Insight III to perform an emergency evacuation, astronaut James Barnes was believed to have died and was left behind on Mars. Two years later, Commander Steve Rogers still refuses to let go. Fortunately, so does Bucky.

Through The Woods : There’s a legend in Mansewood, nearly as old as the town itself, about a pack of werewolves that once lived in the forest. They say only one survives; a monstrous and snarling beast with fur like a blizzard and fangs the size of daggers. Steve doesn’t care about any of that. He only wants to know if it prefers T-Bone or ribeye, and would it please stop tracking dirt through his house? He just mopped the floor.

~

BlueSimplicity

(series) You Are Responsible For What You Tame : After the events in DC and on the helicarriers, and the realization that his friend Bucky Barnes is still alive, Captain Steve Rogers swears that he will do anything he can to find him. It is easier said than done, as Steve searches desperately for any hint or clue that will lead him to his friend. Steve searches, but Bucky does not want to be found. And so begins their game of cat and mouse, as Steve does everything in his power to convince Bucky to come home.

~

GoldBlooded

A Midsummer Knight's Dream : Sir Steven, knight, alpha, and baron of a small countryside estate, receives an invitation to a Royal Tournament: It’s a winner-take-all competition, and the prize? The hand of Prince James, the kingdom’s most eligible omega, in marriage.

Feast On This : Steve, Sarah, and Bucky are headed down to Florida to visit the Barnes family for Thanksgiving. Bucky's tired of the interrogation about his love life from his Ma, and Sarah suggests the simplest solution would be for he and Steve to fake it for a few days. How hard can it be, right? After all, they've shared a bed before. After all, it's only pretend... Right?

Luck of the Irish Stroll : Every year Steve and Sam go on the Irish Stroll Bar Crawl, and ever since their first time on the Stroll four years ago, Steve and Sam cross paths with Bucky and Natasha. Every year Steve’s world is rocked by the gorgeous, blue-eyed man that has captivated him since they first locked eyes fighting over a couple of pints of Guinness from the bartender. But Steve's starting to want and need more of Bucky... will this be the year he can make it last for more than one night?

~

girlbookwrm

(TBR) (series) The Hundred Year Playlist : Steve and Bucky, start to finish. "Come on, pal, it's me. Take another hundred years if you want, I'll still be here."

sidereal : Captain Rogers never did a self-portrait; we can only speculate who his soulmate — or soulmates — might have been.

~

ClaraxBarton

Holding On : “Your poll numbers are way down, and we need to get them back up.”

~

stfustucky

Salt & Sugar (collab with GoldBlooded) : Steve Rogers is a bigshot celebrity chef in New York City, and Bucky Barnes is a classically trained pastry chef in Moscow. When billionaire and mutual friend Natasha Romanoff calls on them to collaborate for her Memorial Day Benefit Gala, they both brace themselves to spend the week working with some jerk they're bound to hate. 

Honestly, Fuck Brooklyn : Or, the one where it takes yet another apocalypse for the somewhat oblivious Bucky Barnes to figure out that his dorky artist boyfriend Steve is actually Captain Goddamned America.

~

writeonclara

How to Woo the Winter Soldier : Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (8/9)

(+ an interlude i thought of after reading “Reeni”s comment. Idk who you are bc it was a guest comment, but thank you!)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Interlude

QueenJCedes replied to your story!

Kurt bites back a dopey grin when he opens Mercedes’s snapchat message. It’s a photo of her looking dubiously at the camera, a single eyebrow pointed up, with the caption: Quarantine buddies, huh?

He snaps back a quick photo of himself, eyes rolled upwards. What can I say, he won me over.

She sends back just a message this time—

Mercedes: Yeah, clearly. Mercedes: Head over feet, Alanis style!

—and then a bitmoji of Kurt falling through the air.

Kurt: I mean… You’re not wrong Kurt: He’s sort of everything Kurt: AND a fantastic kisser

Mercedes: OMG REALLY? I was just teasing, but if this is legit, I’m so happy for you!!!

He can’t help but giggle excitedly as he types a reply. 

Kurt: Yeah. me too.

*

New Snap from setroutymouth

Blaine rolls his eyes but still can't school the smile on his face into a neutral expression. This is going to be a lot, he already knows, but nevertheless, he swipes his thumb across the screen to unlock his phone.

Sam’s pacing through Mercedes’s childhood home in Ohio, phone in selfie mode, already rambling at a hundred miles a minute that Blaine’s sure he cut off a few words.

“—cedes just showed me Kurt’s snapchat story and I AM LOSING IT! Did something happen between you two? Oh my god, something totally happened, didn’t it!? BLAINE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED MERCEDES WON’T TELL ME AND I ALREADY FINISHED EVERY BINGABLE SHOW ON NETFLI—”

As expected, it was a lot. But still not enough to burst his happy little bubble. He doesn’t think anything could, at this point.

Through his smiles, he snaps back a picture of himself shrugging, trying to look as clueless as possible, and adds the caption: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

It’s not even a full moment before he gets another video back.

“BLAINE ANDERSON I AM BEGGING YOU—”

Blaine locks his phone shut, mostly because he knows it’ll drive Sam crazy. He can respond later. Right now, there are more important matters at hand.

*

Blaine’s in the kitchen, putting away what was left of the carton of Cookie Two-Step ice cream they’d demolished while watching another Netflix romcom, when Kurt’s phone lights up.

New Message: From: Adam I saw your sc story You know you could just be *my* quarantine buddy When are you coming?

Kurt actually growls as he types out a reply. How did he put up with this for nearly three years?

New Message: To: Adam I’m not.

Kurt. We both know how this ends.

Not this time. I meant it. We’re done.

Okay, whatever you say I’ll check in with you later When you change your mind

Kurt doesn’t even warrant that with a response, he’s too seething mad to even formulate one with enough bite to put Adam in his place.

But then the door opens, Blaine’s beaming at him, and Adam is completely irrelevant.

“I was just thinking,” Blaine muses aloud, slipping under the covers and snuggling up next to him in a way that Kurt knows will be way too easy for him to get used to. “Do you remember our Junior year when we had to partner up during Stagefighting for that Musical Choregraphy project?”

Kurt explodes into laughter. “Uh, yeah, that was pretty ridiculous. I remember hearing from Matthew that you said I dance like a pigeon that’d been chewed up and spit out by a cat.”

“What!?” Blaine exclaims, shocked. “I swear I never said that. Though, I do remember going on a tangent about how I didn’t know how I was supposed to concentrate when you insisted on wearing those pants with that tight fitted shirt and…”

He trails off, and Kurt can feel color rising to his cheeks. “Oh, that explains it, actually.”

“Explains what?”

“Matthew. He had a huge crush on you.”

Blaine’s eyes double in size. “He what!?”

Kurt lets out a chuckle. “You seriously didn’t know?”

“No! Nobody told me!”

“That’s not how crushes work, Blaine,” Kurt says through a stream of giggles. 

“Okay, why does it make more sense for me to just take a wild guess about how people feel about me instead of them telling me, or acting on it? Like, if you hadn’t have kissed me earlier, I would have never known how you felt and kissed you back.”

Kurt opens his mouth to argue that logic, but… he seriously cannot get over how oblivious Blaine is. “So you’re saying that if I hadn't accidentally kissed you then you really wouldn’t have known how I feel?”

“Yeah. And I would most definitely not have acted on my crush.”

“Aw,” Kurt teases. “You used to have a crush on me. That’s embarrassing.”

“And you watch too much Parks and Rec.” 

“I’m gonna kiss you again, now,” he announces.

Blaine just grins, eyes crinkling at the sides. “I think that’s a great idea.”

There wasn’t much of a choice because of the shelter in place, but based on the bright spark forming in his chest when their skin meets, Kurt could definitely get used to this living situation.

*

Blaine finally pulls away reluctantly. If he could stay attached to Kurt forever, stay connected to him, he would. He roams his eyes over Kurt’s face, like he could memorize it if he really, really tried, and notices a scar just above his eyebrow. It would be invisible to anyone else, anyone who wasn’t trying to intentionally map out the image of Kurt.

The scar doesn’t bother Blaine, but the idea that someone ever hurt Kurt bad enough to leave physical evidence that refuses to leave tugs achingly at his heart. Instinctively, he takes his hand from where it rests on the side of Kurt’s face, and gently traces over the scar with the pad of his index finger soothingly, as if it hasn’t been healed for years.

“Sophomore year… two years ago,” Kurt’s murmuring refocuses his attention.

That was a hazy time for Blaine, but he does have a vague memory of hearing from a friend of a friend that Kurt spent some time in the hospital, and he definitely remembers his rival-slash-partner being missing from their stage acting class for a while.

“What happened?” He asks.

Kurt is so calm, so steady when he answers. It leaves him in awe. “It was when all those gay bashings were happening…” he pauses, and Blaine immediately feels sick to his stomach because he knows where this is heading. “I was on my way home from school and saw these guys attacking some teenager, and… I had to help. I ran over and started shoving them, I guess. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but the kid got away. I didn’t. The last thing I remember after that was what I think might’ve been a brick hitting my head.”

“Jesus,” Blaine breathes. His initial reaction is to say I’m sorry, but something tells him that Kurt isn’t sorry about it at all. Instead, he says, “I had no idea. That–that was really brave of you.”

Kurt snorts out a laugh. “I’m glad you think so. I spent most of my hospital stay being berated by my dad about how irresponsible it was.”

“No,” Blaine shakes his head. “If anything it was over-responsible.”

“I’m not convinced that’s a word.”

“Me neither,” Blaine says breathlessly, amber gaze fixed on the boy lying across from him.

He really just can’t help but pull them together again. 

Blaine thinks Kurt is opening his mouth to deepen the kiss and, well, he’s certainly not going to complain. Until Kurt sucks in a deep breath and turns his head, chuckling through his yawn.

“Sorry, I really thought I could hold that yawn in.”

Blaine lets out a laugh of his own and glances over at the analog clock on the nightstand. “It’s only midnight, you grandpa,” he teases.

“Hey! Doing nothing all day is seriously draining.”

“I wouldn’t call what we did nothing,” Blaine says cheekily, causing Kurt to flush.

“I’m going to shower before I head to bed,” Kurt responds, sitting up and lifting his arms up over his head and exposing an inch or so of his midriff.

Blaine is trying so hard not to stare. Nevertheless, he can’t help it as he watches Kurt saunter off to the restroom. 

He tosses his head back onto the pillow with a satisfied grin on his face. Global crisis it may be, but if he got Kurt Hummel out of it… he could complain about worse things.

A bright ding from his right interrupts his thoughts. Blaine turns his head and sees the screen of Kurt’s phone light up, resting there on the nightstand.

He’s not snooping. He’s really not. It’s just sort of instinct to look in the direction of the sounds.

Then, he sees the succession of messages that make his stomach churn.

New Message: From: Adam Hurry and finish up with the rebound already I miss you Text me when you’re on your way

He stares at the screen for a few seconds before it fades back to black, feeling absolutely sick to his stomach. Of course Kurt was going to run back to his ex the first chance he got. It’s exactly what he did three years ago and Blaine was just kidding himself. This was all too good to be true.

Turns out it wasn’t.

Before he knows it, he’s grabbing his duffel bag and dialing Quinn’s number. 

He’s always welcomed there and New Haven isn’t all that far, after all.

Part 9

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[kiheons]

Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

hewwo it’s me again with more craquaria. this time inspired by this post https://craquariaprompts.tumblr.com/post/173643036702/craquaria-prompt-aquaria-accidentally-sexts-miz posted by @craquariaprompts 

I literally wrote this in one sitting and it was 5am by the time i finished to please excuse the bullshit ending. its been a while since i’ve written so go easy on me. 

includes phone sex, sharing nudes and sexting

Brianna blinked at the TV screen as Netflix loaded up yet another episode of Parks and Rec, a show she had seen a billion times. It was 12:30 on a Friday night and there was nothing quite as pathetic as being a 20 something sitting at home, eating leftover Indian food, and watching Netflix for 3 hours straight. Yawning, Brianna checked her phone only to see a text from her landlord about rent. Katelyn hadn’t even texted her, that traitor. Opening up Snapchat instead Brianna scooped up a spoonful of curry, dropping some rice on her sweatshirt. God, she really had hit rock bottom hadn’t she? Flipping through her friends’ stories, Brianna grimaced. Of course everyone she knew was doing something fun. Monet was at some play with Yuhua and Dusty, while Katelyn’s story was filled with selfies and Aquaria making out with some rando.

Wait what? Brianna immediately sat up straight, looking at the video of Aquaria kissing a blonde sloppily while Katelyn cheered her on in the background. Tapping Aquaria’s story open immediately Brianna watched through videos of Katelyn and Aquaria dancing before selfies with the blonde started popping up. Pictures of Aquaria kissing her on the cheek, captioned “found my wife!!!!” and a video of Aquaria shamelessly grinding on the girl played and Brianna’s heart sank to the floor. Brianna had been harboring a secret crush on Aquaria for nearly a year, something she would never admit to Aquaria. They had been friends for a while before going through a brief fallout last year and their relationship was only starting to come back to what it used to be a few years ago. Brianna wasn’t going to risk ruining that with a stupid crush. Brianna hadn’t dated since she broke up with Bob 8 months ago and she’d only gotten laid twice since then. Aquaria was gorgeous with long black hair, sharp eyes and an amazing body. Of course Brianna was projecting her fantasies on one of the prettiest people on this planet.

But seeing the pictures hurt more than Brianna thought they would. She immediately closed out of the app, her mood becoming more sour than it already was. She couldn’t even enjoy Parks and Rec anymore, turning off the TV in frustration. It was like she had too much energy all of a sudden and Brianna felt jittery and irritated. There was usually only one solution for this. Years of karate had trained Brianna to keep up a fairly strict workout routine which was something Brianna used to let out her frustrations of the day. Pushing her coffee table out of the way, Brianna grabbed the yoga mat that was usually propped up against the couch and rolled it out on the floor before she started a set of pushups, determined to get Aquaria and the mystery blonde out of her mind.

2 hours and a small Youtube break later Brianna’s phone buzzed as she was halfway through her 6th set. Wiping sweat off her forehead, Brianna sat cross legged as she checked her phone. It was a text from Katelyn letting Brianna know that she was going home with a guy. Brianna texted back quickly, telling her to be safe and have fun. Katelyn responded with a thumbs up emoji and Brianna sighed. At least her best friend was getting laid, even if Brianna herself wasn’t. Setting down her phone Brianna was about to finish her set when her phone buzzed again. Rolling over on her side, Brianna opened her messages, expecting yet another message from Katelyn only to see a notification from Aquaria. Brianna frowned in confusion. It was almost three in the morning. The only reason Brianna could think of explaining Aquaria texting so late was if there was some kind of emergency. Brianna opened Aquaria’s message immediately, scared that something had happened to Aquaria, only to gape at the picture and accompanying text that Aquaria sent.

It was a picture of Aquaria topless, showing off her small, perky tits, her inky black hair cascading down over her shoulders. The picture cut off half her face but showed her biting cherry red lips, while one hand cupped her right breast. The text sent along with the picture said “I’m pretty, aren’t I?” along with a winking emoji. Brianna swallowed heavily. There is no way this picture was for her. Aquaria had never expressed any interest in Brianna that wasn’t platonic so it must have been accidently sent to her. Brianna didn’t want to make Aquaria feel embarrassed about accidently sending a nude to the wrong person but there was no way this wasn’t going to be an awkward conversation. Brianna’s fingers hovered above the screen, second guessing all her replies. “Lemme smash” was not only stupid but completely inappropriate and “You’re so beautiful” was going way too hard. Eventually, Brianna decided on what seemed like a neutral text.

Me: “You look good but I’m pretty sure you sent this to the wrong person”

That seemed like a safe enough text. At the very least it would reassure Aquaria that it was a very flattering picture of her. If the fact that Brianna was squeezing her thighs together and squirming in arousal at the picture was enough proof that Aquaria looked good. Sending the text, Brianna immediately regretted it. What if Aquaria thought her reply was weird and decided to never talk to her again? Brianna cursed, wishing she could undo the text before the little bubble that indicated Aquaria typing popped up. Brianna’s blood ran cold. This was it, their friendship was done for sure because Brianna decided to be stupid. Brianna clutched her phone, hoping she could disappear right there and then and never have to read Aquaria’s reply before her phone buzzed. Brianna looked down at her phone, expecting the worst.

Aqua: “Whoops! Sorry about that, Brooke and Brianna are right next to each other :P”

That was not the message Brianna was expecting. As least Aquaria didn’t find Brianna’s reply to be totally weird. Chewing her lip, Brianna send her message before she could even think about it.

Me: “Is Brooke the girl in your snap story?”

Brianna watched anxiously as Aquaria typed back.

Aqua:  “Yep, she’s cute isn’t she? Do you think she’ll like the picture?”

Brianna grimaced. Brooke was okay at best. Not nearly as hot as Aquaria. But Brianna wasn’t about to be that friend and tell Aquaria she thought her hook-up was unattractive.

Me: “Yeah she’s cute. You look sexy in the picture so I’m sure she’ll like it.”  

Aquaria’s reply was fast.

Aqua: “I’m just scared she won’t reply. I think I pissed her off.”

Raising an eyebrow, Brianna texted back.

Me: “Pissed her off? Why?”

Aqua: “She gave me her number and I told her she’s almost as pretty as my friend Brianna. I don’t think she appreciated that.”

Aqua: “In my defense I had just taken shots.”

Brianna stared at her phone. Had Aquaria really tried to flirt with this girl by comparing her to Brianna? It sounded impossible, especially since Aquaria had never even so much as hinted that she thought Brianna was pretty like that.

Me: “Oh. Yeah she’s probably pissed off then.”

Aqua: “Dammit. I was hoping to get at least an orgasm out of her.”

Blushing deeply, Brianna tapped out a reply with shaking hands. In the years Brianna had know Aquaria she was never overtly sexual. Yes, she wore skimpy outfits and went out often but Aquaria was always very private about her sex life. Brianna felt like she was hearing something she wasn’t mean to hear.

Me: “That’s unfortunate.”

There was no good way to respond to what Aquaria had just said. The whole situation was completely unexpected. Brianna squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shut out images of Aquaria touching herself. Pinching her own nipples as she rubbed her clit, gasping and moaning under her own touch. Those plush red lips parting as she begged for someone to touch her, for Brianna to touch her. Brianna could imagine running her hands over Aquaria’s smooth, pale skin, tracing her waist and hips. Squeezing her ass as Aquaria whined for Brianna to touch her properly, her panties soaked with wetness.

A sudden buzz broke Brianna out of her fantasy. She immediately felt ashamed for thinking about Aquaria like that. Aquaria didn’t feel that way about her, she was clearly reading into it too much.

Aquaria: “Honestly you’re so much prettier than her. She clearly wasn’t a natural blonde. I could see her roots. You have nicer lips too. They look really soft.”

Brianna felt like she was losing her mind. Aquaria had never talked to her like this, hadn’t even so much as hinted at it.  There was no way this was actually happening.

Me: “Aquaria, are you drunk? This is totally out of the left field.”

Aquaria: “I’m not I promise. I had a few shots but nothing too crazy. I’m not as nervous now so I guess that’s why I can tell you all this stuff. I usually get so nervous talking to you.”

Aquaria: “Sorry, am I being weird? I’m weird aren’t I?”

Brianna was in complete shock. Aquaria was nervous about talking to her? Nothing about cool, confident Aquaria could ever indicate that she was nervous about talking to Brianna of all people. All Brianna did was act a fool and get anxious over stupid stuff.

Me: “You’re being kinda weird but not in a bad way. This is just really sudden.”

Me: “You get nervous talking to me? Really?”

Part of Brianna worried that this was all part of some huge elaborate joke. Maybe Katelyn had put Aquaria up to this or maybe Aquaria herself was messing with Brianna. But the nudes seemed too far for Aquaria if it was a joke.

Aquaria: “Yeah. Brianna, you’re so pretty. Your hair? You literally look like a barbie it’s gorgeous. And you have the best ass I’ve ever seen. You’re also funny as hell. I can barely get through a sentence without fucking up but you’re out there giving full speeches and shit. It’s hot as fuck.”

Brianna’s face was burning as she read Aquaria’s message. Aquaria thought she was pretty and had a nice ass. Never in a million years did Brianna think Aquaria secretly felt that way about her. Before Brianna could respond her phone buzzed.

Aquaria: “Brianna can I send you something? You can say no if you don’t want me to.”

Brianna’s mouth went dry. All she could think of was another risque picture like the one Aquaria had sent her accidently. Aquaria couldn’t possibly mean something like that, could she?

Me: “Yeah, go ahead.”

Holding her breath in anticipation, Brianna pressed her thighs together. She could feel herself getting wetter throughout the whole conversation, her nipples hard and straining against the bralette she was wearing under her sweatshirt. Anxiously, she watched the little bubble until Aquaria responded.

Brianna couldn’t help the whimper that escaped her when she got Aquaria’s message. It was a picture of Aquaria, taken at a high angle, on her knees with her thighs spread, in a pair of skimpy, red panties. Her lips were parted, pink tongue poking out between them. Her shoulders and neck were flushed and her hair was tossed over one shoulder. One hand was pinching her right nipple. She looked absolutely amazing and Brianna wanted to devour her.

Aquaria: “Is it too much?”

Brianna’s hands were shaking as she typed out a reply. Her stomach was doing somersaults and she could feel herself throbbing in arousal.

Me: “Fuck, you look so hot.”

As she waited for Aquaria to respond Brianna squirmed on the floor, she could feel herself dripping wetness, head swimming with nothing but thoughts of Aquaria. To her surprise, Aquaria sent another picture.

Aquaria: “Brianna, I want you.”

Aquaria was stretched out across her bed, hair spread in an pitch black halo around her head. Her nipples were hard and Brianna wanted nothing more than to play with them and see Aquaria squirm and whine. But that wasn’t the highlight of the picture. Aquaria’s legs were bent at the knee, feet planted on her bed and thighs spread. Her hand disappeared into her panties and it had Brianna gasping and bringing her own hand down between her legs.

Me: “I want you too. I wish I was touching you instead.”

Sending the message, Brianna slowly rubbed at her own pussy. Even through her shorts and panties she felt a shock of pleasure. Brianna was so turned on she could barely stand it. Aquaria was one of the sexiest things Brianna had ever seen. All she could think about was Aquaria in her own bed, hand in her panties, touching herself as she took pictures for Brianna. It was so dirty and so sensual at the same time. Aquaria moaning softly as she rubbed her wet cunt and thought about Brianna.

Aquaria: “Where are you right now?”

Me: “I’m in my apartment. I’m on the floor cause I was working out when you texted.”

Aquaria: “Go to your bed. Now.”

Scrambling to her feet Brianna practically ran to her bedroom, tossing herself on her bed. She texted back quickly, sure that Aquaria was probably waiting for her reply as she touched herself.

Me: “I’m there.”

Aquaria immediately sent another picture. Brianna sobbed, grinding against the palm of her hand at the image. It was a picture of Aquaria’s panties, clinging obscenely to the swollen lips of her pussy, completely saturated with her wetness. All Brianna could think about was how badly she wanted to touch Aquaria. Kiss her as Brianna rubbed her clit and Aquaria trembled under Brianna’s touch, bucking her hips up into Brianna’s hand. Moaning for Brianna to touch her more. Aquaria’s skin was so pale and smooth, Brianna wanted to cover her in hickies and see that pale skin of her bloom with blue and purple bruises.

Me: “You’re so wet I want to touch you so bad.”

Aquaria responded within seconds, this time without a picture.

Aquaria: “Can I see you? Please?”

Aquaria: “You don’t have to if you don’t want to but I really want to see you Brianna.”

Sucking on her bottom lip, Brianna considered the request. Aquaria look amazing, all dolled up in the makeup she wore to the club, in pretty lacy panties with that amazing body. Brianna on the other hand was in a Seahawks sweatshirt and gym shorts and mismatched underwear with dirty hair tied up in a sloppy bun and no makeup.

Me: “I’m not dressed up at all. I don’t think I’ll look good.”

Aquaria: “No, you always look amazing. Please Brianna, even if it’s a selfie. I need to see you.”

Brianna moaned softly. Aquaria was pleading with her. Never had Brianna thought that she would ever hear Aquaria beg for anything. Brianna wasn’t going to deny her this one thing, even if Brianna wasn’t particularly confident about how she looked right now. Shimming off her shorts, Brianna tossed them to one side, trying to will herself to ignore that she was wearing blue cotton panties that were not nearly as sexy as Aquaria’s. Rucking her sweatshirt up to her armpits and holding it up with one hand Brianna took a few pictures. She choose one where she was biting her lip, knees pressed together, and her nipples hard and visible through the yellow lacy bralette she was wearing. Quickly, she sent it before she could think too hard about it.

Aquaria: “Fuck you look amazing. Your tits look so good.”

Aquaria: “Brianna you’re making me so wet.”

Brianna flushed at Aquaria’s confession. She hadn’t felt particuarly sexy in the picture but Aquaria had clearly enjoyed it. She couldn’t believe that she was actually turning Aquaria on like this. Slipping her hand into her panties, Brianna groaned as she finally touched her swollen clit properly, her fingers immediately getting soaked in her wetness.

Aquaria: “This is your fault.”

Looking at her phone in confusion, Brianna was about to try and text back one handed when a picture came through. Brianna cursed out loud. This picture was by far the most obscene. Aquaria’s legs were spread wide, exposing herself to the camera. She wasn’t wearing any panties and all Brianna could focus on was Aquaria’s pink cunt, pretty and dripping wet, with two of Aquaria’s fingers in her hole. It took Brianna longer than it should have to realize that it wasn’t a picture but rather a video. With shaking hands Brianna clicked it open. Immediately her room was filled with sounds of Aquaria’s whimpers as she slowly fucked herself open with her fingers, her wetness shiny and her cunt leaking onto the sheets below her. The video was unsteady, shaking with each thrust of Aquaria’s fingers. Aquaria flexed her fingers and keened in pleasure. Brianna sobbed, moving her fingers against her own clit rapidly, completely overcome with arousal after seeing the video. Moving her fingers faster, Aquaria let out a broken moan, the sounds of her wet pussy absolutely filthy in the quiet room. Then Aquaria gasped out “Brianna, please fuck me.” before the video cut off.

Brianna felt like she was going to melt. She was soaking through her panties and knew that these would be completely ruined after this. Her hand was moving quickly against her own clit, slippery with how wet she was. Her nipples were hard and rubbing against the soft lace each time she moved. Putting her phone down, Brianna reached a hand up and squeezed her breast, groaning in pleasure before twisting a nipple and letting out a broken whine. She was getting closer and closer, quickly approaching the edge because of how turned on she was. Brianna’s phone buzzed again and she picked it up, hand trembling, all the while still touching her cunt.

Aquaria: “Can I call you? I need to hear your voice.”

Brianna didn’t bother to text back, instead opting to call Aquaria immediately. The phone only rang once before Aquaria picked it up, breathing heavily into the line. Neither of them said anything for a bit, Brianna instead relishing in Aquaria’s whimpers and unsteady breathing. Eventually Aquaria spoke up. “I want you to fuck me.” It was a pathetic whine, her voice shaky. Brianna gasped, “Oh God. You sound so needy.” Through the line she could hear Aquaria keen. “Please Brianna, I need you to touch me.”

Keeping her phone pressed to her ear with her shoulder, Brianna brought her hand up to play with her breasts as she pressed her fingers against her entrance, inhaling sharply at the pressure. “You were soaking wet in your video. Do you want me to fuck you like you were touching yourself? With my fingers?” Gathering more wetness, Brianna brought her hand back up to her clit, moaning softly as she rubbed it again.

Aquaria whined into the phone. “No, I-I need your mouth.” Brianna gasped, imagining Aquaria pulling at her hair and begging for more as Brianna ate her out. Licking her lips, Brianna murmured softly, “Do you want me to eat out your cunt?”

Aquaria made a sound like she was wounded, sobbing loudly into the phone. “Yes! Please, I need your mouth on my cunt so bad. Brianna, please, I need you.” Brianna cursed, “Fuck. Your fingers aren’t enough?” Aquaria whimpered, “No I need you. I-it feels good but it’s not you.”

Biting her lip, Brianna bucked her hips up into her hand, getting closer and closer to cumming. “I’ll fuck you next time, I promise. I’ll eat you out so well you won’t be able to walk.” Aquaria made an absolutely pathetic noise and Brianna could hear her shuffling around in the background. Her voice was high and strained, “B-Brianna I’m going to cum.” Brianna huffed, screwing her eyes shut as she rubbed quick, tight circles around her own clit, “M-me too. Aquaria I’m so close.”

Aquaria gasped like she was running out of air. “Say it again. My name.” Brianna whined, “Aquaria, Aquaria I’m going to cum,” Aquaria’s voice getting increasingly louder each time Brianna said it, “Aquaria you’re going to make me cum.” At this point Brianna was so close she could barely handle it and was teetering right on the edge. Then Aquaria’s voice was breathy and filled with need in her ear, “Brianna I want to hear you cum,” and Brianna could no longer hold it back anymore. She curled in on herself, moaning loudly as waves of pleasure washed over her, completely overwhelming her. Blood was roaring in her ears and she could distantly hear Aquaria saying something. As Brianna came down from the high of her orgasm, she could hear Aquaria’s voice, completely broken. “I’m so close, Brianna, I need to cum I-I need it.”

Sighing softly into the phone, Brianna whispered, “Cum for me, Aquaria.” Aquaria let out a choked gasp and the line was silent for a second before Brianna hear Aquaria whine, high in her throat. Brianna waited patiently as Aquaria’s breathing steadied out and there was nothing but silence and their breathing.

As Brianna was thinking of a way to break the silence Aquaria spoke up. Her voice sounded even more broken than it did before. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” Brianna’s heart stopped and she felt a sense of dread. “Aquaria? What do you mean?” Brianna was aware her voice was shaking but she couldn’t help it. After all they had just done, did Aquaria regret it?

Instead, Aquaria sniffled into the phone. “I shouldn’t have made you do this. You don’t even like me that way, this wasn’t fair to you. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends after this.” The sniffling got louder and Brianna was quite sure that Aquaria was crying. “Aquaria, are you crying? Please don’t cry it’s not like that at all,” The alarm in Brianna’s voice as evident. She couldn’t believe that Aquaria thought Brianna would toss away their friendship over something like this. “I don’t feel that way at all. I like you, as more than a friend. You’re so talented, smart and beautiful. The only way I’m okay with ending our friendship is if it means that we’ll be girlfriends instead of just friends.” Brianna’s voice trembled as she admitted it. She had long thought about what it would be like to date Aquaria and now there was a chance of it coming true.

Aquaria was still sniffling but her voice sounded hopeful, “Really? You feel the same?” Brianna smiled to herself. “Yeah I do. If you’re okay with it, I’d love to take you on a date.”

Aquaria giggled through the phone. “I’d like that. That sounds perfect.” Brianna hear her yawn next and looked over at her bedside clock. It was nearly 4 AM. “Aquaria it’s late. I think you should go to bed. I’m tired too.”

Yawning again, Aquaria agreed. “Mmhm. I’m sleepy but I have to take my makeup off so I should probably go do that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?” Brianna beamed. She couldn’t believe this was happening. The relationship she had been dreaming about for months was coming true. “Okay, goodnight Aquaria.” Aquaria laughed softly, “Night, Brianna.”

As she hung up, Brianna flopped her arm to the side, staring up at her ceiling. Within a span of a few hours it was like her entire life changed. Picking up her phone again, Brianna texted Katelyn.

Me: So I think me and Aquaria are dating now

Katelyn: OMG? Seriously? Tell me everything right now

Brianna grinned to herself. This relationship was already off to a good start.

[emiliaboone]

Fantasy Romance Thoughts: Twilight

Yeah, I went here. I know, I know. But I needed to do it. We all know where this one slots itself in, so here’s my second “bad” fantasy. well, just bad. We know it’s bad.

Who is in love? Bella and Edward How much time? Most of the movie. Happy Ending? Yes Plot Focus? Absolutely. How much lead up? I distinctly remember there being a lot more, but there isn’t! They hang out a lot and they spend a lot of time together but it’s distinctly not romantic until she finds out he’s a vampire. The closest you get to lead up is them having dinner together, but even still theere wasn’t much to work with. It was like going from one date to being totally cool with dating aserial killer. It escalated much more quickly than I remember. Were you into it? Not even when I was a fan of the books did I ship this How was it integrated? This was the plot, it’s a romance movie. He falls in love with her and then has to save her when other vamps come after her. It was integrated in the beinning weirdly tough, because they spent time together and became closer, but there wasn’t a lot of romance, except for a long look when he saves her life the first time and the hand touch. But that’s about it. It’s strange how quickly it escalates. Was it distracting? The romance itself isn’t distracting, because it is the movie, but the movie is also like, ridiculously annoying in the way it goes about the romance, and those moments stic out like a sore thumb. Kiss? Yes Sex? No-that would be unChristian of them. Annoyance Level: 10. So much of this pisses me off. Rating: I want to rate this higher because I remember a time when I liked them, but I think even when I liked twilight I knew this movie was shite, so I’m giving it a 2.  And that’s generous. Thoughts: Full Disclosure, I really liked these books for a while. Didn’t last long, but I did. Lol remember that Parks and rec episode where they watched this movie? Also has a good score. And soundtrack. I legit even had a flute book dedicated to this soundtrack. And it was AWESOME. Charlie is my actual fave. “oh right, one bathroom” is such a weird line. Also the sales lady picked out the bed stuff but what about all the decorations lining the walls? Yeah tones of voice here, so weird. So is this scene, since they used to play together but he introduces himself? Wouldn’t you say “sorry to be weird, but do you remember me?” the convo between the dads is low key the best part of this. Also why’d she ask which one’s the clutch??? Also remember in the books where Eric kind of disappears and is replaced with some dude called Ben? Did they segregate gym class??? Omg Anna Kendrick, sometimes I wonder if she gets to forget about this movie, even she isn’t great in this. “Oh my god Karen you can’t just ask people why they’re white” This laughing thing is like the most cringey thing ever. This whole discussion about the legality of the Cullens’ relationships is so real. I just have to say, Jessica and Angela are the most natural people right now but Bella’s being so WEIRD! Sometimes I wonder how I missed some of this. His reaction to her “scent” is just really hard to watch. LOL OMG HE’S JUST STARING AT HER. Now he’s being unnecessarily rude. This movie has over 40%, but right now I”m just laughing. Wait, why was she in there? Lol “one year”, I totally remember you from years ago while I thought you were someone else. OMG OF COURSE SHE REMEMBERS HER FAVOURITE?? she throws her homework away dramatically while no-one can see her do it then insists she has homework. Why would you ask someone you don’t know why they were gone? And again, why is that weird? And again, sh’es 17, what makes him think it was her choice to move? I mean it was, but why would he know that? And why would she notice his eyes? I have to stop talking. He’s just watching her…saves her life, has his arm around her, long look in each other’s eyes. I LOVE charlie! So her reaction to this is fair. She’s right ttto be suspicious of what happened. But why would she be suspicious of Carlisle? She doesn’t know him, she has no reason to believe something’s up with the family right now…Ok this conversation makes no sense. Again, her reaction to this is warranted. and props to him he’s playing this off so well. But it went from “I know what I saw, you were by your car” to randomly “I know what I saw you stopped the van”. And he just got REAL aggressive. And he was doing so well until then! He could have just kept on the whole denial thing and he wouldve gotten away with it! He distracts her and they super obviously stare at each other. Weirdly natural conversation, he just says “it’s what’s best”, and it go tweird again. “We shouldn’t be friends” what an awkward conversation starter, they don’t need to be friends…Yeah his flip flopping is weird. If you were samrt you’d stay away from me, I definitely would because that’s such a weird thing to say out of the blue. And how would she know he’s not the villain? God what a weird response! She is flirting HARD with him. Like way more than with Edward. Saves her again, scares rapists off with a look that’s definitely not that scary. Nearly running them over immediately would have been much less effective. He’s furious with the guys (obvi) like, violently. Where would she have gone? Why is she so cool with him following her?? “money sex money sex cat” was my favourite thing once. Valid quesiton edward, yeah his dialogue is creepy…She has such a weird reaction to that meet cute hand touch…Wait why were those flashbacks a thing again? Oh, cos he’s dead? Then why was there a closeup on his eye? Dead people don’t have gold eyes…Be real. Anyone else in that situation would NOT assume vampires are real. The way this scene is shot is so weird, it makes me sick. She’s not afraid of him for some reason, she insists he won’t hurt her, even though he actually wnats to kill her, and he wants to protect her but he carries her on his back. Wait, hang on was a romance ever a thing? Why doens’t she care, I thought they were friends? I’ve never noticed it, but this is so random! WHY DO YOU TRUST HIM? You’re literally trapping her? WHY? THIS MAKES NO SENSE??? THEY BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER??/ Is it because like he said that she draws her in? then isn’t it like date rape? What are the rules here? Also shouldn’t you be in school? God there’s so much of this movie left. Bonding over music and awkward dancing, and he takes her for an adventure in the trees. I’m sorry I know this is done to death but this is CREEPY! He’s watching her sleep! They kiss, and she begs him to stay and watch her sleep some more. So I know this scene is nototriously dumb but I actually really like it. Until the other vamps come, except for rosalie, it’s the only scene where everyone seems to be relaxed and not super uptight. The acting (for the most part) doesn’t suck here. He’s incredibly protective of her with the other vamps, they all are. That’s the second time they’ve said “rip them apart and burn the pieces” THEY JUST MET! And on top of that, rosalie was protecting her earlier, now she’s reluctant?? She’s part of the family, she’s his life now, WHY?? He omes to save her, and then sucks the venom out of her to make the pain go away? I guess? What are these images? She freaks out when he tells her to go to Jacksonville, saying  you can’t leave me, we can’t be apart. Why do you already hate each other? You don’t kow about the vamps/werewolves yet…May I remeind everyone, they just met. And she wants to become an actual vampire to be with him forever. And he fakes her out in my least favourite moment.

And there you have it. A terrible review for a terrible movie. If you want to see the actual video version of the rant, you can find that here. Sorry about it, but I needed it. 

[scriptshrink]

Bad Psychology: Netflix’s “Gypsy” (Part 1)

CW: alcohol, suicide

So Netflix made a show about a “therapist,” starring a woman I forgot the name of who is essentially a Knockoff Nicole Kidman (and thus will hereafter be referred to as “KNK”). In summary, KNK is a therapist who is bored with her marriage and decides she wants to sleep with a client’s ex-girlfriend that she’s heard him describe in therapy.

This show is a garbage fire. It’s so bad. I only managed to watch the first two episodes and I have never in my life regretted wasting as much time as I did on it.

As someone studying to become a clinical psychologist, this show’s portrayal of therapy makes me want to scream and tear my hair out. This show promotes an extremely inaccurate portrayal of therapy that may prevent people from seeking the help they need. It gives therapists a bad name. As such, I feel the need to set the record straight.

[Gif: Picard from Star Trek: “What you’re doing here is unethical. It’s immoral. I’ll fight it.”]

Note - This post has been broken up into two parts: this part deals with my therapy-related critique, and Part 2 will be my general / random thoughts about the show (including the fact that the very title of the show is a racist slur). 

Let’s get started. God help us.

The first time we see her in therapy, KNK is writing nothing but the word “boundaries” over and over in her notes. Very professional. That’s definitely going to help jog your memory when you’re typing up session notes later. /s

Actual dialogue:

Old lady client: I haven't seen [my daughter Rebecca] in two months. She barely answers her phone. So this weekend, when she canceled, I blew up! Why do you think she's avoiding me?

KNK: It's impossible for me to speculate on Rebecca's life. I only have access to you.

Client: I think she's just busy. If she were dating, that would be a good enough reason. I used to hope that she wasn't picking up because she was having sex. [laughs] That would be fine by me, you know?

KNK: I understand your concern, but by giving her space, you might show her that you're respecting her boundaries.

Client: I'm furious... that she won't give her mother any time. Her job is more important. The gym is more important. Even her weekly blow-out every Monday. That she has time for. And I've been to that salon. It’s really not very nice.

KNK: Rebecca loves you, Claire. Just give it some time. Emotions change like the wind.

[Gif: Morello from OITNB resting her head on her hand, smiling and marveling at the stupidity, “Do you hear yourself sometimes? Like, when you speak?”]

KNK, you cannot say that the client’s daughter really loves her. You said yourself that you can’t speculate about her. You have no fucking idea if it’s true.

Just stop.

Different Client: *tells story about having to drop out of school because she was caught stealing money for drugs and how her mom has lung cancer*

KNK: *uncomfortably long blank stare*

Immediately cut to KNK ordering wine at a coffee shop (in the middle of the day, no less) to try to impress the client’s ex-girlfriend she wants to bang.

BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO SHOW ACTUAL THERAPY IN A SHOW ABOUT A THERAPIST

Wait. I think I figured it out. KNK isn’t really a therapist. She’s a fucking voyeur. She doesn’t actually want to help anyone. She is taking lurid pleasure in her clients’ vulnerability and pain.

Oh, and speaking of wine, KNK is drunk or drinking in about half of all the scenes she’s in. She drinks wine at lunch and goes back to see more clients like wtf. 

...Hold on. I take it back, this could actually be a good thing!

[Gif - Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec “Put some alcohol in your mouth to block the words from coming out.”]

Please for the love of god anything to get KNK to stop spewing her unethical nonsense.

Oh, man. The supervision scenes (where KNK meets with other therapists and they discuss their clients and stuff) are fucking hilarious.

KNK: He shouldn't marry her.

Therapist 1: Uh, that's not for us to decide. We're here to address his issues, not make his decisions.

Note - “Uh” here translates roughly to: “what the fuck is wrong with you, did you not pay attention during literally the entirety of your graduate education? We fucking learned this day one and were reminded at least once a month for literal years.”

KNK: I'm sorry. I just feel like we've been hearing about his rampant cheating stories for the past year straight. And now he's getting married.

Therapist 2: Well, behavior change takes a long time. And he's made growth in his commitment to his relationship, so as long as he's showing up for sessions and putting the work in--

KNK: I'm not questioning that we support our patients, but if they keep making poor choices, maybe we need to change tactics. It's just disheartening that sometimes all we can do is help them keep their head above water.

Because respecting your clients’ agency and keeping your clients alive is boring and sad.

Also, KNK could not be more condescending in this scene if she fucking tried. Just fucking look at her:

[Image: KNK looking patronizing as fuck, “I’m not questioning that we support our patients…”]

Therapist 1: Jean, remember, our job is not to do the work for our patients. Sometimes we're just here to listen, to be a sounding board. And realize that you can't fix everyone.

KNK: Yeah, I know. I get it. Trust me, I have tried. But I am just tired of sitting in that office listening to the same old story week after week with no results. It's frustrating.

I dunno, KNK...maybe you could try doing actual therapy, not just sitting in your office twiddling your thumbs while listening to your client?  Like...maybe try CBT or DBT? Teach your client some coping skills?

Oh, right. That would involve a level of competency that KNK clearly does not have.

[Image - KNK at a supervision meeting with other therapists. KNK: “And now she’s questioning the value of therapy, the value of me.”]

Newsflash, KNK - your client is questioning your value because you’re a worthless therapist.

OH SHIT STOP THE PRESSES. She’s actually giving her client homework! Like a real therapist might! I wonder what it is!

Oh. She wants the client to sign an oath not to contact his ex-girlfriend, who KNK is trying to bang.

Seriously, that’s the homework.

Because if he contacts his ex, there’s a chance he’ll find out about KNK trying to bang her.

Fuck you, KNK, you selfish unethical asshole.

Oh, also, a former client of KNK’s is evidently accusing her of something (unspecified as of the end of episode 2). This is KNK’s response.

[Image: KNK: “Yeah, well, she’s borderline. She’ll say anything.”]

Really. REALLY???

Now. It’s an unfortunate fact that some therapists don’t treat their borderline clients well. But what the actual fuck. Do you really want to paint your protagonist as a shitty, awful person?

Oh, wait. Too late.

So a random client shows up and is just sitting in KNK’s office waiting for her, which is potentially a huge breach of the confidentiality of KNK’s other clients.

KNK’s response is to make a snide comment about there being a waiting room, then to proceed to yell at client for being late to the appointment. 

Because wasting a therapist’s time is worse than something that is actually illegal and can result in thousands of dollars in fines. KNK’s clearly got her priorities straight.

KNK then lets that same client fall asleep on the couch in her office. Just in case it wasn’t unethical enough the first time around!

For fuck’s sake.

[Image: A seedy nightclub bathroom. KNK says to her client’s ex who she’s trying to bang: “You’re like a human Rorschach.”]

So she’s outdated, invalid, and meaningless? Sick fucking burn, bro!

Also, Hermann Rorschach, who was in all likelihood human* would like a word. I think the writers meant to say “inkblot.”

Who the fuck is writing this fucking shit.

* Note - the Shrink has no evidence to confirm or deny that Hermann Rorschach was a vampire, werewolf, or other non-human creature.

The absolute worst part comes when KNK’s ‘forbidden’ and ‘dangerous’ relationship with her client’s ex leads to KNK learning something important about her actual client. Namely, that said client has in the past been suicidal after a breakup.

This is slightly important because, you know, said client is currently going through another breakup - and may become suicidal again.

Guess what? KNK NEVER FUCKING BRINGS IT UP IN THERAPY.

She didn’t have to tell him she knows about his past. She could just ask him if he’s having thoughts of suicide - it’s a routine question that therapists ask! A lot! Some therapists will ask it every session!

But no.

KNK legitimately does not fucking care if her client lives or dies.

The only value her client has to her is that she can pump him for information about his ex-girlfriend. She uses her position as a therapist to manipulate her client into serving KNK’s agenda to get laid.

I’m not joking.

Actual transcript:

KNK: You know, I was thinking, Sam, is it possible that you came on too strong with Sidney [his ex that KNK wants to bang]?

Sam: [stammering] What do you mean? Today?

KNK: No, in general. She just seems so independent and free-spirited, from the way you describe her. Maybe she felt claustrophobic.

Sam: I don't understand why you're telling me this.

Me fucking either.

Sam: We were in love, and then she got scared. Decided she needed to experience more shit. More people.

KNK: So she's dating?

Sam: No, she actually told me she’s not interested in any guys.

KNK: So she's interested in women?

Sam: No. What?

KNK: Well, the way you... Anyway, it's very common for young women to dally or try things.

How fucking dare you.

Fuck this show. Fuck everyone involved in producing it. Fuck Netflix for hosting it.

[Gif: John Oliver repeatedly pounding his fists on a table and saying angrily, “Fuck you! Fuck you all forever! You fuck yourself! You go fuck yourself right now!”]

Okay. The Shrink needs to take a break to calm down. Stay tuned for Part 2.

Disclaimer // Support me on patreon. I watch this shit so you don’t have to.

[sinkingorswimming]

CONGRATION FOR 600 FOLLOWERS U DONE IT

more X-Men coming through, maybe not so “soft” anymore @linneakou

He could be doing a gig in DC at the 930 Club right now, but Ciao Ciao and his teammates are playin’.

An old friend of Celestino’s, Dr. Mireya Thomas, mentioned during a lunch date to check in and catch up her close neighbor’s son disappeared six months ago. She’d been searching for him—Leo had confided in her that he was a mutant, having moments where flames would appear on his body. Leo was a kind kid, she told Celestino—went to mass every Sunday, was in the church band, good grades in school, helped his local Kiwanis chapter—but he’d come to her because Mireya is a leading geneticist in the field of human mutation.

He prayed every night for a cure, he said then. 

Celestino handed her a tissue to dry her stoic tears and said he would try to find out what he could, keeping an eye out for posters or social media posts.

Thanks to some creative computing on Seung Gil’s part, they have the following—

1) There is some shadow org called The Right taking recently mutant-presenting teens.2) They have some kind of crazy financial backing that no one can properly trace. (”Yet,” grumbled Seung Gil with some acid.)3) Blackwater looking goons with masks do the aductions, and some shady dude who speaks only in a mixture of German dialects calls the shots.

Yuuri is in a costume that’s mostly different from his stage outfits. It’s black and made of some fabric Seung Gil calls “unstable molecules” so it’s fireproof, waterproof, bulletproof, shockproof, and Andre Leon Talley’s scathing critique proof. Chris handled the design, making a point to compliment its inventor on how it goes through a serger like a hot knife with butter. It’s a black-form fitting number covered in prismatic crystals, mesh inserts, and fingerless gloves so he can still use his Laser Hands (TM Phichit, not to be confused with his Laser Pants, also TM Phichit) and he puts in red contacts instead of the UV purple ones. His hair’s gelled back and the make-up that obscures his features is charcoal and crimson. 

Yuuri could dance before he could run, which is how he keeps ending up the point man. Little rainbow shimmers float in the air around him, a sublte method to distract people from paying too much attention to his voice or face. 

“I hate this.”

I know you do, Dazz, replies Phichit over their special earpieces. Just know Forge and I are right behind ya’ once you clear the security systems.

“He really can’t just hack it?” Yuuri arches his back, holding his right foot above his head in a Bielmann. The boots he wears have split soles like dance or wrestling shoes.

Sure I can, if I want the FBI on our door in two minutes, comes the inventor’s scating reply.

Yuuri stretches his other leg. Standing at the wall behind him, Longshot clears his throat. 

Yuuri gives him a look. Since he doesn’t have a secret identity at all really, he just lets his face show with nothing to conceal his features. 

His suit’s been modified by Chris to use the same fabric as Yuuri’s—instead of hot pink, he now wears a purple top attached to black fingerless gloves that begin at his elbows. His pants are a tight shimmery black like oil slicks, but his boots are more traditional combat style unlike the Dazzler outfit. The embellishments on his top are actually weapons—the cord doubles as a whip, the “braiding” is actually those short silver darts he throws, and so on. 

Longshot smiles, his eye glimmering with the gold burst for a moment. “Your lucky charm’s on stand by, beautiful,” he assures Yuuri with a wink.

Yuuri turns forward again so he won’t see that his cheeks now match his make up. He coughs, takes a look at the grid, reminds himself of his forays into acrobatics, aerial silks, and capoeira…and goes.

Phichit should really be doing this, he thinks as he manages to get a hold in a cloth banner above the laser grid, climbing it and then doing a triple somersault to the next one. He’s the one who can cling to surfaces that have friction and can freaking teleport. His eyes are better in the dark, too, but since they couldn’t get the schematics on where the grid stopped or if they continue inside the rooms in the facility (since if Phichit BAMFs into a room full of them, they’ll go off), Yuuri has to do it. 

He tumbles through, avoiding a moving grid with a randomized pattern using the steps from a Paso Doble Minako insisted he learn. There’s not much sound here, but it’s enough and when a random beam almost hits him, he manages to shield himself with a bit of white light at a differeing optical density so it refracts around him. 

Nice, Forge and Nightcrawler say in unison.

Only after doing a full split under the last few does he make it and disables the grid. He’s oddly not sweaty or throwing up or anything. Huh.

Longshot saunters to him, and when they’re face to face, he picks up Yuuri’s right hand, kissing his ring finger and then his cheek, the day’s stubble prickling against Yuuri’s skin in a way that makes his breathing stop and his heart stutter. 

The smell of sulphur and a black bit of smoke heralds Nightcrawler and Forge. Phichit doesn’t need a mask since his daytime appearance with the Image Inducer is one—his gold eyes, deep blue fur, and short fangs make him cute in a sinister manner. His costume is deep red and gold, while Forge wears a sedate gray-blue and black jumpsuit as Chris vetoed his idea for a loud costume like a rainbow.

They find an office with a terminal, and Forge cracks his neck and sets to work. It only takes him a few minutes before he can copy the relevant data. There’s a guard rotation but they timed their entrance with the shift changes. 

It only takes three minutes and they have six more before the gig is up. 

“Done,” Seung Gil says. He pockets the HD. 

“Jěng âh!” Phichit grins and his tail swishes like an excited puppy. The four of them link hands, Longshot giving Dazzler a particularly happy look, and they’re BAMFed out to an alley a couple blocks down.

Longshot pitches forward with a pain-filled cry. 

“Sorry,” Nightcrawler says with a sheepish shrug. “It’s hard on passengers the first…eighteen times.”

“I threw up twice,” Seung Gil adds in a voice that has no comfort whatsover.

Dazzler helps Longshot get back upright. “You okay?”

“It’ll be alright, beautiful,” he answers as Phichit sings some of the lines from Ellie’s “Something in the Way You Move” in the background. 

Yuuri might add it to his rotating encores after he punches Phichit for the heckling. It’s a moot point he forgets, because they end up back at the house Chris bought them—it’s a Park Slope multi-million dollar home that the Giacomettis have owned since it was built. 

Chris perfers a skyscraper’s penthouse so he can stretch his wings…literally, so since this was in disuse, they all moved in. There’s seven bedrooms—Celestino has the master, Seung Gil’s converted the parlor into his sleeping area and work shop, and Phichit keeps waggling his eyebrows that Dazzler and Longshot should double up.

Their rooms are the two on the second floor, which take up the whole thing. They share a bathroom and Yuuri let Victor have the room with the terrace access. 

The cellar has been expanded through the backyard, outfitted with steel walls, soundproofing, and Seung Gil’s hologram tech. It’s a gymnasium on steroids for all of them to refine their skills with their gifts, and boy did Seung Gil get a sour expression when Phichit called it the Danger Room.

He twitches every time someone else says it. He twitches a lot, because it’s caught on.

Chris happens to be waiting in their living and rec room when they get back—he’s discussing something with Celestio. Since he’s not acting as the face of Intoxicated by Giacometti or as a board member of Giacometti Corp, he’s wearing a shirt with a low back so he can have his wings out. 

Seung Gil boots up his computer to run the analysis of what they got. and Phichit BAMFs into the kitchen, returning with a bottle of Mekhong and glasses for everyone filled with ice. He pours and they all take one, though Victor looks at his from every possible angle like it’s poison.

“Mote gaow!” Phichit shouts, and they echo it as they drink.

Victor stares at his glass after his initial sip. He looks confused. 

“It’s more or less rum,” Yuuri explains. Victor doesn’t look like he understands better. Right. Alien. Not from Earth. “Uh, it’s a…sugarcane beverage that can get you drunk.”

Victor lights up. “Ah!” He takes longer sip, and things seem pleasant enough until Seung Gil does a literal sitcom-style spittake at his montior.

“That’s not gonna be fun to clean,” Phichit deadpans. 

“What happened?” Ciao Ciao asks with a serious tone.

“Chris—” Seung Gil begins. “When’s the last time you reviewed GC’s R&D budget?”

Chris pauses, thinks. “Five years ago, if I’m honest. Josef insisted on handling the line items and minutiae so I can be free to do the public appearances and philanthrophy without conflicts.” His expression shifts from thoughtful to grim. “I’m not going to like what you say next, am I?”

“…Let me ask a follow up in that…you’re sure Josef is okay with mutants?”

Yuuri’s spine goes rigid. Even Phichit stops smiling. 

“He’s always told me he is since I presented,” Chris answers with no emotion in his voice.

“Well—” Seung Gil says. “He’s clearly lying. GC-0963 Project: The Right. There’s dozens of mutants in here that have either been abducted for experiments or—”

The silence hangs heavy, leaden with horror and dread.

“How many?” Chris says.

“Chris, maybe—” Ciao Ciao begins.

“How. Many.” Chris snaps.

Seung Gil gives Chris a look uncharacterisically filled with sympathy. “198.”

Phichit gasps, dropping his drink before catching it with his tail.

“They’re imprisoned at a facility out in Montauk,” Seung Gil says. “It’s similar to Supermax but for mutants—they have power dampeners most likely, or they’re sedated.”

“Well, we’ll get them out,” Victor says with resolution and stilted cheer. “It’s a good old fashioned jailbreak!”

“No.” Chris stands, reading the data on Seung Gil’s screen. It all bears out, it seems given the pallor in his face. His eyes look haunted. “We’ll do this in a softer way.”

“You’re hitting him in the board room, then,” Ciao Ciao answers.

“Yeah.” Chris nods. “There’s a nuclear option I can employ with the Board to get him out—and I’m sure we can kill this Project: The Right easily enough too. I don’t want my family name aligned with bigotry or human rights violations, and I’m fairly confident they’ll agree.”

Chris narrows his eyes.

“Plan B though,” he begins. “You all are my Plan B.”

[inktae]

Ok so I think I’m honestly just going to submit this because this is probably going to be long and the ask box can be a bit annoying.

So here we go ^^

If both story and writing style are important to you YOU NEED to check out the handmaids tale by margaret atwood! I don’t think there are many authors who combine the two as well as she does tbh. Tht is a bit slow paced (but NOWHERE near as much as atlwcs) but her writing is honestly everything and the atmosphere! Oh my gosh she’s so good at creating the right atmosphere. You know how dystopias often feel kind of unrealistic? This one feels scarily plausible (atwood actually didn’t include anything that didn’t exist somewhere at some point in history) and honestly with the way politics are atm, it’s actually pretty relevant. Her main character isn’t some badass bitch that conspires to take down the system either but a breathing flawed human being who feels incredibly real.

Also literary fiction but with a completely different approach are life after life by kate atkinson and station eleven by emily st. john mandel. I’ve read lal some time ago but I just remember being absolutely hooked. Super shortly put it’s about the main character (a woman born in 1910) who gets to live her life again and again with full knowledge of her previous lives. The story is super engaging and addictive and the plot is so so intricately constructed. Her style is really elegant but the structure’s even more so, there are so many timelines (taking place in alternative realities nonetheless) and so many recurrent themes but she makes it work so well! It also asks some really interesting questions about the definition of living a “right” life, individual responsibility and how much agency an individual really has and how much in life is up to circumstances/out of a persons hand.

Station eleven is about so many things at once but it mainly takes place in north america in the time during and after an apocalypse (not the dramatic zombie kind, but it’s literally just some flue if I remember correctly). It has a lot of different povs and timelines but as in lal it’s awe inspiringly elegantly organized. A central theme is definitely the importance of stories and storytelling for humanity as well as individuals, for example the book focuses partly on a shakespearian theatre company touring the post apocalyptical usa, but there are also multiple narratives relating to a comic book (it’s creator, it’s consumers, the people who derive meaning from it), an aspiring actor in the days before the apocalypse and the cost of fame etc and all the narratives are related to another and slowly come together as the novel progresses.

For space related stuff: consider checking out the book of strange new things by michel faber. The synopsis sounds incredibly weird, it’s literally about a priest assigned to convert aliens who has to leave his wife back on earth for his mission. But it’s actually equal parts literary and science fiction and a metaphor for the relationship between the author and his wife who was dying of cancer as he wrote the book (I honestly cried as I read the interview in which he said that). It’s super hard to describe so you should probably just read some reviews to get a feel for it. Ah and it’s also very readable if you aren’t religious even though the main character is a priest (I’m not religious and really enjoyed it and I’m pretty sure the author himself is an atheist (it deals very respectfully with religion though)). I think I like it slightly less than tht, lal and station eleven but it’s still a really great book and the concept is really something else and it’s space related too, so I figured why not include it. Also the covers of the canongate versions are gorgeous af (and maybe the reason I bought it in the first place)

I’ve only ever read the german translation (the original is czech I think), but if you are into books with more of a philosophical approach read the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera! I read this like three years ago and I have no idea how to summarise this but it’s really interesting

Another author I’ve only ever read in german is italo calvino (originally italian) of whom I really enjoyed if on a winters night a traveller and invisible cities. Invisible cities is a novella/poetry collection so it’s probably not everyone’s sort of thing but I really enjoy the images he creates. and ioawnat is really something else (it’s also written in 2nd person and I read it before I started reading fanfiction, so I found it very hard to get into at first). I really enjoyed the way he plays with different writing styles and the narrative structure (which is super complex, it’s sort of a book in a book in a book in a book…?) and it’s kind of a postmodern classic, so reading it does make you feel smart lol, but I probably wouldn’t recommend it if you’re in a reading slump, since calvino isn’t very plot or character driven.

Idk if you are into comics/graphic novels, but if yes: the sandman by neil gaiman! The first few issues are a bit weaker than the rest but it’s probably the best fantasy related series I’ve ever read. also if you should read it start with the main series and none of the prequels/spinoffs, it gets super confusing otherwise, and the artist changes all few issues/each arc to reflect the mood of the story which I think is super cool.

Space related and also comics/graphic novels: saga by brian k. vaughan and fiona staples, ok this one is super hard to summarise but imagine romeo and juliet in space paired with star wars and game of thrones? The art is probably my favorite ever but it’s also very explicit and gory (think game of thrones) which honestly took me a while to get used to (but I’m also a bit of a chicken when it comes to this stuff). It’s really really good though and the plot keeps you on edge, unlike sandman the series is still ongoing though.

Also wuthering heights by emily bronte is one of the best things ever written, just saying.

Aaaand if you are into chick flick/cutesy stuff fangirl by rainbow rowell is great!

I can’t believe this got so long, ugh I’m powerless against procrastination sdhfjkl :’). Anyways I hope some of these sound at least kind of interesting to you!

- coffee

DAMN I GOT SO EXCITED WHEN I SAW ALL THESE RECS OMG -

okay, I am definitely intrigued by the handmaids tale. I tried not to read the reviews too much but they seemed to find the plot quite compelling and that definitely caught my attention. also, someone commented about the blind assassin by the same author. have you read this one? it seems quite interesting as well :)

oh boy, life after life sounds very interesting. I saw a few reviews and they seem mixed, but I am still going to keep it in mind. and station eleven... I read the summary and !!! I love it already!! I adore apocalyptic universes and this seems to be a very original take on it. I might read this one first. ^^

ALSO ADULT SCI-FI, THANK YOU FOR THAT REC. yes it’s strange, and that’s what draws me to this book. :)) oh and I did read milan kundera’s book a few years back! it was actually a school assignment, and I ended up enjoying it a lot. I should give it another try though, because I think I would understand it differently now. 

also!!! neil gaiman!! I’ve had his books on pending for ages, so thank you for reminding me about him. even though I have never read a graphic novel, I do enjoy mangas so I’ll probably enjoy this one quite a lot. ^^

AJLSD I THINK A FRIEND ACTUALLY READ SAGA AND WAS REALLY ENJOYING IT. the reviews are also astonishing! will def keep it in mind as well. 

emily bronte is another author I’ve had in my pendings for a while (sorry sorry) and even though I haven’t read fangirl, I do know the author and I remember enjoying eleanor & park when I was younger. I might give it a try, even though I’m not sure if I’ll enjoy her style in the same way now :’D

anyway, thank you for all these recs. I think the handmaid’s tale and station eleven are on top of the list (for now). it depends on what I can find though - since I want to buy books in english and sadly it’s not that easy to find them here ;; but I’ll let you know if I get one of these in my hands!! :)