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ask-the-phan-site · 6 years ago

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The Bejeweled Princess of Vanity

>It’s time.

Let’s knock the rocks of that girl.

A beautiful heist awaits us as we take such a sparkling Treasure.

It has to be if she’s such an empress.

Then we’re off! Next stop: The Beverly Hills Teens Club!

>Mona becomes our van and we head off to steal the heart of Bianca Dupree.

>The Teen Club in Beverly Hills, California. The Teens were discussing about the calling card we sent.

Are you sure you’ll be fine, Bianca? That calling card looked really real.

Oh, please. I’m not scared of a little slip of red paper.

It’s the people who sent it that worries us most, my dear Bianca.

He’s right. After what happened in New York and that Sugimura guy in Tokyo, I think we can honestly say this is no joke.

Bianca: Oh, Troy. I’m so glad that you’re worried about me. But I’m sure we’ve got nothing to worry about. They’re just a bunch dorks in silly masks.

She’s stubborn. That’s for sure.

Larke: I wish Chester was still here. He might find a way to deal with this.

Troy: I know. I sure miss the little guy. But then he moved away.

NOTE: In reality, Chester McTech’s voice actor, Sean Roberge, died in a car accident.

Larke: Me, too... And I know you miss him most of all, Pierce.

Pierce: (a little misty eyed) I respected him a lot and he was really sweet to my little sister. And... I kinda liked him, too.

Bianca: Well, while you people are busy bowling over Chester, I’ll be going pool side.

Troy: (a little irritated) How could you be so cold?

Bianca: I’m not cold... I’m a hot mama.

>Everyone, even the normally faithful Wilshire, was starting to get upset. But the one who was more upset by Bianca’s words... Was Pierce.

Pierce: (getting up from his chair) How could you!? ... YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE TO CHESTER!

Bianca: Oh, shove it, you damn womanizer.

???????: If that’s what you think, then you should shove it.

The Teens: !

>A red wave passes over them and the Teens were now in what looked like an Egyptian palace where the marking on the walls appeared to depict their days together with their friends... But they were mostly of Bianca. Speaking of which, when Larke, Troy, Wilshire, and Pierce looked to see Bianca, they were in for a big surprise...

Oh dear. Didn’t think they would strike this soon.

Wilshire: (surprised and shocked) M- Miss Bianca!?

Shadow Bianca: That’s Princess Bianca to you, peasant!

Cognitive Wilshire: How dare you speak to her grand majesty like that!

Larke: This can’t be happening, can it?

?????: I’m afraid it is. This is how Bianca Dupree truly sees herself. A dark hearted monarch who cares only for herself and looks down on others.

Shadow Bianca: You dare speak of me that way!?

???: We speak only of the truth.

?????: You, however, just look away from it.

>Suddenly, sarcophagi open and we jump out to reveal ourselves. (Wilshire was surprised.)

Joker: Target: Bianca Dupree.

You have tormented your fellow students all to settle your own vanity.

We can no longer overlook all of the bad deeds that you have done.

You think that because you have so much money and power at your disposal, you can rule this town with an iron fist? I don’t think so.

You hide behind such a pretty face so no one can see the true ugliness of your soul.

You take people hopes and dream, you kill them, and bury them in this tomb... And I thought I had problems.

Panther: And you do it all just for that one boy.

Fox: Troy Jeffries has a kind big heart he can share with anyone, yet you desire it all for yourself that you would turn away a man who would risk his own life for you.

Mona: So for their sake to protect them from your cruelty, we will take the distortion that is the source of your darkness.

Joker: We won’t let you put others down so you can raise up. We will take your Treasure and you will finally end your wicked ways.

Shadow Bianca: Wicked ways? I’m merely just reminding them of their place. And it’s clear that you have forgotten yours.

Panther: Have we now? Do you even know what our place is? Because right now...

We’re exactly where we need to be.

Shadow Bianca: You little hussy! If you wish to treat this beautiful goddess like a villain... So be it. Now I’m a villain. Wilshire!

Cognitive Wilshire: Yes, O great goddess.

Wilshire: I can’t believe this is how she sees me. Does she have no care and affection for me, the only one who actually likes her?

Shadow Bianca: You? Don’t make me laugh, darling. Who in their right mind would actually care about you? You’re just the help.

>Wilshire was starting to look down, until...

Pierce: That’s not true. He does have people who care about him.

Larke: As much as I can’t believe it, but Pierce is right. We care about Wilshire. We in the Teen Club actually care for one another.

Troy: We’ve put up with how you usually act for so long. But now, having seeing this. Seeing how you truly are... We don’t know what to think of you anymore.

Pierce: But here’s what I think. I think you’re just a selfish cow who has never known love or friends ship... I feel sorry for you.

Shadow Bianca: Enough talk out of you. You will now suffer the consequences of going against me! I sentence you... TO DEATH!

>With that, the darkness covers the Shadow and it takes on it’s other form.

Wilshire!

Cognitive Wilshire: As you desire!

>The cognition also changes form.

>The Teens were a little shaken by the appearances of the Shadows... However, Pierce was mostly unfazed.

Oracle: Time to work. Persona!

>Necronomicon scans the two Shadows.

Oracle: Got it! Isis is weak to Psychokinesis and Horus is weak to Fire. Noir, Panther, you’re on!

Noir: We won’t fail. We can do this.

Panther: We’ll give it all we’ve got. Persona!

Noir: Persona!

Mona: I’ll fight along side you, Panther. Persona!

>I change Personas.

Joker: Persona!

Larke: Wow!

Troy: That’s... Amazing.

Wilshire: Kinda wish I had one of these... Personas. Is that right? My Japanese isn’t very good.

Pierce: Actually... Same here.

Maybe.

>Carmen uses Agilao on Horus. It was enough to knock him down.

Baton Pass!

>Milady uses Psio on Isis. It knocks her down as well.

Hold Up!

Isis: Oh! This is all your fault, Wilshire! You should have protected me better!

Horus: Forgive me great one! I wasn’t strong enough.

Wilshire: That’s not true! Don’t let her talk to you that way!

Horus: But I must! It is my duty!

Noir: You don’t even know what that is. But the real you does. Time to punish them!

>After the attack, the two Shadow were still up. Milady uses Psio again. However, Horus dodges it.

Horus: See, Princess Bianca, I can be good, too.

Isis: Good... But not impressive.

Pierce: Hmph! As if you know what impressive is.

Mona: Well said. Take care of them, Zorro!

>Zorro uses Miracle Punch on Horus. It was hard, but not enough to knock him down. Then, Kaiwan uses Psio on Isis. But she dodged it.

Isis: You will find that fighting a royal shall not be easy.

>Isis uses Makarakarn on herself. Using spells on her won’t be so easy if she can reflect it. Then, Horus uses Diarama on Isis.

Joker: Noir, better let me take care of the shield on Isis.

Noir: Are you sure? I can resist it.

Joker: You need to save your energy in case we need to go big.

Noir: Right. I trust you.

>Carmen uses Concentrate to boost her next spell. Noir simply defends herself. As does Mona. As for me, I have Kaiwan use Psio on Isis and the shield reflects it back at me. It was hard, but I took it good.

Isis: Nice plan... But you may have to do it without your little friend.

>Isis uses Zionga on Mona. It knocks him down.

Isis: Wilshire, finish him!

Horus: As you wish, your majesty.

>Horus uses Hamaon on Mona. It’s lowers his health to 1. Then, he attacks again and finishes Mona off.

Mona: Owie!

Joker: Hold on, Mona.

>Carmen uses Agidyne on Horus. It knocked him down good that it even burned him. Panther then defends herself. Milady also uses Psiodyne on Isis. It knocks her down.

Noir: This one’s for Mona!

>After the attack, Isis and Horus were still up, but Horus was now getting weaker. I use a Revivadrin to revive Mona.

Mona: Thanks, Joker. Panther, forgive me. They caught me off guard.

Panther: It’s alright, Mona. You did your best.

Pierce: See, Bianca? They’re forgiving him for his mistakes and are nice about it. But you just push poor Wilshire because it pleases you.

Isis: Just shows how you know... After all, you were a bit like that... with Chester.

>Pierce becomes quite.

Wilshire: Miss Bianca, don’t you think that’s a little harsh?

Troy: That’s right. Leave Chester out of this.

Isis: Do you really think I care?

>Isis uses Diarama on herself. Horus also uses Diarama... But he uses it on Isis, fully restoring her health.

Mona: He’s not even healing himself. He must really be devoted to her to the point where he doesn’t even care for himself.

Wilshire: I can’t believe it. How could she? Now seeing this, I feel like a fool. To think... I actually liked her, unaware that I was just the help to her. What a fool am I.

Joker: But now you know... So what will you do now?

Wilshire: What?

Joker: Now that you know the truth, what will you do now?

Wilshire: ...

Horus: I’ll tell you what he will do. He’s going to bow his head and worship his princess whether he likes it or not.

Wilshire: ... No!

Isis: What was that?

Wilshire: I had been so blinded by your beauty that I couldn’t see that you were snuffing out my own light. I should have been more careful about what my heart says. It says I should still care about you... But there are times where it will say that enough is enough... It’s saying that now.

Isis: You damn insane fool. You will pay for your transgression.

Panther: You’ll have to get past us first.

>Carmen uses Maragidyne. Isis dodged it, but it knocked down Horus.

Mona, finish him!

Baton Pass!

Let’s do it, Zorro!

>Zorro uses Garudyne on Horus. With that, Horus was gone.

Wilshire: Farewell... Old me.

Isis: He was a worthless fool anyway. No matter, you will all be joining him soon. Time to show you just how much Daddy’s money can buy. Come forth!

>Two more Shadows appear.

Noir: Thrash them, Milady!

>Milady uses Mapsiodyne. Only one of the Thoths got hit while the others dodged it. Noir then passes the baton to me and Kaiwan uses Mapsio. They still dodged it.

Mona: This looks bad. Joker, we better defend ourselves.

>We did just that. Then the knocked down Thoth comes back up and uses Freila on Noir. It knocks her down. It takes another shot at her.. Then, the other Thoth uses Freila also on Noir and she is KO’d. Then, it uses Taunt on Mona which enrages him.

Panther: Hold on, Noir, Mona. We’ll help.

Isis: I don’t think you’ll have the chance.

>Isis uses Zionga on Panther and left her shocked. She could move the next turn.

Mona: (screaming in rage)

>He had Zorro use Lucky Punch, but it missed. I just realized that I forgot to get items for things like this... Ironic since my currant Persona resists Forget. So for now, Kaiwan uses Marakunda to weaken their defenses.

Isis: Now finish that pretender to my tiara.

>One of the Thoths use Freila on Panther which was super effective on her since she was shocked. The other one does the same and now Panther was KO’d. Now Mona was even more pissed and attacked one of the Thoths. It took a good amount, but not enough to take it down.

Joker: I may not items, but I better snap Mona out of it.

>I change Personas.

Joker: Persona!

>Norn uses Amrita Drop on Mona and cures him of his Rage.

Isis: I’m afraid you’ll find that no matter what you do now, I will come out the winner. The one with the most power and money will always win.

>Isis uses Zionga on Mona which knocks him down and shocks him. She then uses it on me. I was shocked too.

Isis: Now, my apes, finish these thieves once and for all!

Larke: This is bad.

Troy: Bianca, stop! You’ll kill them!

>Troy tries to get closer to stop her.

Stop! Don’t come any closer!

>Too late. Two cages fall. Pierce and Wilshire managed to get away, but Larke and Troy both get captured.

Isis: Just wait there, Prince Troy, I’ll be with you in a second.

Pierce: Bianca, this is getting out of hand! I may not know what going on here, but at this rate, people are going to die!

Isis: What’s this? Pierce “The Narcissist” Thorndyke III is actually caring about people other than himself?

Pierce: There are times even I know when enough’s enough.

Isis: Are you sure? Or maybe... You’re trying to prove that you can do things without that tiny ass dork to supply you with his fancy toys.

Pierce: (irritated) Don’t you dare talk about him that way!

Isis: Is that so? ... He doesn’t seem to mind.

>Suddenly, a sarcophagus open... and out comes a kid.

Pierce: (surprised) Th- That’s...

...

Larke: Chester!? What are you doing here!?

Chester?: ...

Troy: Come on, man! Say something!

Isis: (cruel giggling) You’ll find that he only listens to me.

Pierce: You monster! What have you done to him!?

>Pierce tries to get closer to the thing that looks like his friend

We said stop! Whoever he is, it’s not really him! It’s just a cognition! A replica made in Bianca Dupree’s Palace!

Isis: How perceptive of you, detective. Yes, it’s just a dummy mummy I made. If it were real... I’d feel pleasure doing this.

>Isis uses Agilao which burns the cognition until there was nothing left... Pierce and Wilshire just stared in shock... Some tears even started coming from their eyes.

Isis: (maniacal laughing) The looks on your faces! Priceless.

Pierce: (tearing up and angry) You... You bitch! How could you scare us like this!?

Wilshire: (same thing) And to think... I actually liked you. But now, I see the true you.

Isis: And this coming from two idiots who hardly do anything whenever an adventure shows up. You always need me or Chester just to get even noticed by anyone.

Pierce and Wilshire: ...

Larke: (also on the verge of tears) That’s not true! Pierce, Wilshire, you two are just as important to our adventures as anyone.

Troy: I know Wilshire is just the driver, but the best one we’ve ever known. You’re kind and you always think of other before you self.

Wilshire: You... You really mean it?

Larke: And you, Pierce, I know you’re not the ladies’ man you make yourself out to be, but you have a good heart and there are time that you care more about others before yourself. Especially your little sister.

Pierce: ...

Troy: I know that if Chester saw the kind of person you’ve become, I’m sure he would be really proud.

Pierce: He... He would?

Joker: (still able to speak) Your friends believe in the both of you. Trust in that, and you conquer anything. Whatever bad things you’ve done in the past, you’ve moved beyond it.

Now you just have to believe in yourselves as well.

Pierce and Wilshire: ...

Isis: Sorry, I was getting sleepy from your annoying prattling. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to get this over with, I have an appointment with my hairdresser in five.

>The two Thoths were prepared to attack me and Mona when...

Pierce and Wilshire: NO!!!

>The two young men stand between us.

Pierce: It’s true. I’m nothing without Chester to back me up.

Wilshire: And I’m nothing without Bianca telling me what to do.

Pierce: But now we’ve moved passed that. We can find our own reason to go on.

Wilshire: Without Chester having to work himself to the bone for us. And without you to bully us around.

Pierce: So Bianca, you can take your jewels and shove it.

Wilshire: And while you’re at it...

Pierce and Wilshire: LEAVE US ALL THE HELL ALONE, YOU STUPID BITCH!

>...

Voice in Pierce’s head: It’s about time. We thought you’d never take the hint.

Voice in Wilshire’s head: Yes. I can feel it, too. Now we can ride.

>The two young men hold their head in pain as their eyes turn golden... Could it be?

Voice in Pierce’s head: You accepted your flaws and now rise to the occasion...

Voice in Wilshire’s head: Even in the shadows, you chose to stand up for your beliefs and fought back against the ones who have wronged you...

Voice in Pierce’s head: She has used beauty as a mask to hide her foul stinking heart... But you can unmask it now...

Voice in Wilshire’s head: You both have held in your true feelings and now can let it go... If so, then our contracts have now been formed...

Voices in Pierce’s and Wilshire’s heads: I am thou... Thou art I...

Voice in Pierce’s head: Come, let us spread our wings and take flight against this injustice!

Voices in Wilshire’s head: You have held back for too long, now it’s time to take action and help your true friends!

>In a flash, the two men where now wearing masks. Pierce wore a mask that was green with a picture of a hornet on top. Wilshire wore a simple black mask but is definitely more than meets the eye. Then, they both grabbed their masks and painfully removed them from their faces. When they did, both were in masses of flaming blue energy. When it was over, the first thing we noticed was this...

>Behind Pierce was what looked like a man with six arms, some of them had guns and knives, wearing a green trench coat, a green fedora, wings that look like they belong to a hornet, and wearing a mask similar to what Pierce had on. As for Pierce, he was dressed in a similar manner but with some black designs on the coat, green pants, black shoes and black gloves.

>With Wilshire, behind him is a tiny man dressed in a black chauffeur uniform holding a staff and also had hornet wings, making him look like a fairy. Wilshire was dressed the same way as well.

It’s just as I thought.

Isis: Big deal, so you both have superpowers now. It’s going to take more than that to stop me.

>The two Thoths prepare use Megido on the two new Persona Users. However, Pierce’s Persona uses Mapsiodyne to knock the two Shadows down. Then, Wilshire’s Persona uses Mabaisudi to cure me and Mona of being shocked.

Pierce: You were saying, Dupree?

Wilshire: Are you two alright?

Mona: We are now, thanks to you guys.

Isis: No! You shall not go against your princess!

Pierce: You may be rich like a princess, but you sure don’t act like it.

Wilshire: So it’s time for an upraising. Us and the Phantom Thieves.

Isis: (angry) How dare you! Guards, seize them!

>The two Thoths get back up.

Pierce: Let’s do this together, Wilshire.

Wilshire: I’m with you all the way, Pierce. Let’s drive on through, Kato!

Pierce: Spread your wings and fly, Reid!

>While Queen and Skull take Noir and Panther to safety, Mona, Pierce, Wilshire, and myself fight Isis and her Shadows. First, Zorro uses Mediarahan to heal us all to full health. I change Personas.

Joker: Persona!

>Forneus uses Mapsiodyne. It hits the two Thoths, but Isis dodges it. Reid uses Psiodyne on Isis and it knocks her down.

Pierce: Now, let’s move!

Joker: My thought exactly.

>After the attack, Isis was still up, but the two Thoths were gone.

Wilshire: Now let’s see what I can do.

>Kato uses Hysterical Slap. It was enough to enrage Isis.

Isis: Grr! You will DIE!

>Isis uses Agilao on me. Luckily, I dodged it. Zorro uses Miracle Punch, but it wasn’t enough to get her down. Forneus uses Psiodyne. It knocks her down.

Isis: You- You can’t! I am the the princess! I ALWAYS WIN!

Wilshire: Not the this time, Bianca... Just like the other times.

Joker: Let’s finish this!

>After the attack, the Shadow resumes her human form and a light comes out of her.

Mona: The Treasure is ours, gentlemen.

>I take the Treasure. It looked like a tiara.

Larke: (after being freed from the cages with Troy) A tiara? I guess that’s no surprise.

Skull: Man, this girl really was born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Pierce: (in his mask again) Not really. Take a closer look.

Fox: He’s right. Upon further inspection...

>We looked closely at the tiara...

Plastic!?

Wilshire: (also masked) That’s Bianca first tiara.

Larke: Contrary to how you Japanese view rich Californian teens, we’re not given fancy things like real jewelry when we’re young. We have to wait a few years.

Joker: Really? Guess Bubbly Hills isn’t as realistic as they claim to be.

Mona: But at least you gained some Charm out of it.

Shadow Bianca: I only wanted the attention my mother and father have. They gave me that tiara so I can become the ruler of my own little kingdom. And I sought to expand it all over Beverly Hills... Maybe even the rest of the world.

Joker: You can do that, but do it in a way that makes others happy and not just yourself. Any real royal know that.

Queen: Rule over others as they would rule over you.

Shadow Bianca: I guess... I guess you’re right. I should be a little more nicer to others and trying to make them happy instead of trying to control them. Especially Troy who clearly already has another in his heart.

Troy: That’s good to hear. Just try not to forget it.

Shadow Bianca: I will. And... I’m sorry about Chester. For a kid, he was a good man.

Pierce: Indeed he was.

>With that, the Shadow returns to her true self. Then, we make our leave as well.

>The next day at the Teen Club, we were watching the news.

News Reporter: Earlier this morning, Bianca Dupree, daughter of millionaire, Benjamin Dupree, had just confessed to multiple accounts of blackmail, harassment, and abuse. Many believe that she had a change of heart when her property was searched only to find a calling card. When asked his opinion on the matter, Mr. Dupree said, “No comment.” Bianca Dupree is currently under psychiatric evaluation and will be excused from school for the time being. More news as it developed.

Another heist down!

And we even got two more members out of it.

Wilshire: Really? Me and Pierce are Phantom Thieves now?

Well you guys can wield Personas. And you guys can keep a secret, can you?

Pierce: Oh, we will. Besides, I don’t think anyone’s going to believe that we met a talking cat.

Troy: That’s true.

Well, if you guys are Phantom Thieves now, first thing we’ve gotta come up with are code names. I’m thinkin’ Bug for Thorndyke and Fist for Brentwood.

That’s a little too crude.

Pierce: I agree. Luckily, C.A.D., my computer, helped me find a good code name. I’ll go by Cash.

Troy: Who are you? Buck?

Pierce: ... Good point.

Ren, how about you find some good code names for our newest members.

To be honest... I think Wing for Pierce and Driver for Wilshire sound good.

We’re going for something literal. That’s quite bold.

Wilshire: I actually like the sound of that. Driver. Since I can drive on through any difficulties.

Ren: That’s true.

Pierce: And I think Wing is good, too. Guess I’m destined to fly the skies.

Troy: If you can be more careful with how you go after girls.

Larke: And what about me and Troy? I know we don’t have these Personas you talk about, but we want to be of some help.

Wilshire: Can they?

Pierce: Larke and Troy are our closest friends. What do you say?

Ren: ... I say...

You found your first Confidants.

>It’s true. I can sense that Pierce and Wilshire can sense it.

I am thou, thou art I… Thou hast acquired a new vow.

It shall become the wings of rebellion that breaketh thy chains of captivity.

With the birth of the Lovers Persona, I have obtained the winds of blessing that shall lead to freedom and new power…

Larke: I get the feeling that’s true.

Troy: Yeah, same here.

Larke: So, what are you going going to do with that plastic tiara.

Pierce: Let’s just say... I now know what to get Jillian for her birthday soon.

Larke: Really? I’m sure she might like it. Just hope it doesn’t make her distorted like Bianca was.

Ren: I’m sure. That’s what her big brother is for.

Pierce: (smiling) You bet.

>We spend the whole day chatting, getting to know our newest members before we had to return. I say this was another successful heist.

#phantom thieves of hearts #heist

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justanothercinemaniac · 8 years ago

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #108 - The Road to El Dorado

(GIF originally posted by @dreamworksmoments)

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) Not only is this one of my favorite animated movies, it is one of my favorite movies period. I found it while scrolling through Cartoon Network or HBO Family or something and watched it every chance I could get. 12 year old me found it very edgy. The mild swearing, the cigars, the blasphemy, all of it was very enticing and that’s fed my love of the film since.

2) Elton John & Tim Rice, the songwriting duo behind The Lion King, re-teamed for this film and churned out a nice set of songs. But the strange thing is if you listen to the soundtrack most of the songs are recorded differently than how they appear in the film. The one exception I think is "Someday Out of the Blue” which plays during the end credits. Still, they songs add the fun and energetic flavor to the film. The opening song in particular, “El Dorado,” does a nice job of setting up the mythology we need to get the movie started in a very short amount of time.

3) If you’re a fan of voice over work, you’ll recognize Jim Cummings as Cortez.

Cummings is one of the most prolific and talented voice over artists out there. It would be impossible to list everything he’s done, but his most notable work has been as Darkwing Duck, Winnie the Pooh & Tigger too, Hondo on "Star Wars: The Clone Wars”, Razoul in Aladdin, and Ray the firefly in The Princess and the Frog. It’s fun knowing what he sounds like because not only do you hear him in Cortez, but you also pick up the random nameless characters he plays too with his different voices.

4) The heart of the film, the thing that makes it great: Miguel & Tulio.

The bromance between Miguel & Tulio is what makes this film work as well as it does, it’s what makes it fun! Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline voice the pair respectively, and their chemistry is off the charts. It doesn’t hurt that the pair actually got to record their performances with each other, a rarity in animation (although Pixar has done it with Monsters Inc for John Goodman and Billy Crystal).

Their relationship and roles are clear from the start, they balance each other out. Tulio is mildly selfish with a great hunger for gold and an ability to think things through. Miguel’s heart is bigger than their brain, being the dreamer/softie of the group (wanting the map to El Dorado, saving Altivo the horse when he almost drowns, etc.). And they play off each other beautifully.

5) 12 year old me was very fascinated with the slight profanities this film had.

Tulio [when he’s about to roll his dice]: “Come on baby, papa needs that crappy map.”

I thought crap was a real swear when I was twelve. I didn’t lose my innocence until thirteen.

6) Chekov’s Fake Fight.

(GIF originally posted by @somehow-you-will)

The fight comes into play later in the film too, but is a showcase mainly for the wonderful banter between Miguel & Tulio and - therefore - the excellent writing of screenwriters of Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. These guys were my favorite screenwriters when I was twelve, and can you blame me? Their resume consisted of: Aladdin, The Mask of Zorro, Shrek, The Road to El Dorado, every Pirates of the Caribbean film, Treasure Planet, and both National Treasure films. They have a strong penchant for strong dialogue too. Consider the exchange above, and also this:

Miguel: “You fight like my sister.”

Tulio: “I’ve FOUGHT your sister! That’s a compliment!”

I love that.

7) According to IMDb:

The film shares several attributes of its namesake, the "Road" comedies made famous by Bob Hope and Bing Crosby during the 1940s (which helps explain anachronisms such as shared language, pop culture references and lack of historical accuracy).

I just thought that was a fun share.

8) God, I love the banter between these two.

[Tulio & Miguel jump into barrels of water in a chase scene but can’t escape because the barrels are being loaded onto a ship]

Tulio: “What’s happening here?”

Miguel: “We’re both in barrels. That’s the extent of my knowledge.”

9) Even the bad guys have great dialogue!

Cortes (upon discovering Miguel & Tulio on his ship): “My crew was as carefully chosen as the disciples of Christ.”

10) I’m just going to let you know now, so many of my notes here are just quotes from the film I love.

Miguel [giddily, after Cortes tell the pair they will be enslaved in Cuba for being stow aways]: “Alright! Cuba!”

11) For example, another quote:

Miguel: Yes, that's it Altivo. Find the pry bar!

Tulio: Yes, "find the pry bar". He doesn't understand "pry bar"! He's a dumb horse, there's no way he could understand...

[Altivo drops keys into the brig]

Tulio: Well... it's NOT a pry bar.

12) The Trail We Blaze

Animated films are usually short so as to be not too time consuming. It can take years to make 80 minutes of animation. This film has a nice device of compacting what could be very long scenes into neat little montages with the use of a song. We still get Tulio & Miguel’s fun journey through the jungles to find El Dorado, but it’s done in three and a half minutes to a fun Elton John tune. It keep the energy, the adventure, but doesn’t waste the time of the animators or the audience.

13) Immediately Tulio and Chel have great chemistry as they play “pass the golden idol” together!

14) El Dorado.

(GIF originally posted by @dreamworksmoments)

Immediately upon entering the city the audience is filled with a sense of wonder, achieved through gorgeous animation and also Hans Zimmer’s subtle music which adds for extra bone tingling. You marvel at it with Tulio and Miguel, and you understand how it is such a mythical place.

15) Edward James Olmos does some great voice over work as Chief Tannabok.

I’ve never seen “Battlestar Galactica” so I am mostly familiar with Olmos from his work in Blade Runner, Stand & Deliver, and even “Agents of SHIELD”. I think he shows off a nice amount of range with this addition to his resume. Chief Tannabok is not an angry man. He is kind, soft, gentle, patient, but also you can tell that he’s kinda sad. You don’t HEAR Olmos, you hear the chief and that makes him an excellent addition to the cast.

16) And of course our big bad, Tzekel-Kan

Tzekel-Kan is the opposite of Chief Tannabok. He is angry, an overlord of sorts. He wants blood because he believes it is what’s needed. He believes people are wicked and evil just for enjoying life and being kind, and it is his righteous duty to smite them. He pisses me off way more now than he did when I was twelve.

17) This whole bit with the volcano! Miguel goes too far and says that the gods should not be questioned or else they will be forced to release their awful wrath...but Tzekel-Kan wants to see that. Only they’re not gods! So he and Tulio turn away to try and figure it out and we get this...

youtube

There’s an old addage in writing: “A coincidence to get a character out of trouble is lazy.” However in this case I’m 100% okay with that because it’s just funny as hell.

18) How many of us have used this GIF?

19) Chel.

Chel is a nice way of making the duo a trio. Voiced wonderfully by Rosie Perez, she is just as crafty and cunning as Tulio (if not more so) but also understand Miguel’s sense of adventure. The pair balance each other out already, bit if Miguel acts too dreamer-y or Tulio is too gold hungry they throw each other out of whack (as this film shows). Chel helps stabilize them by film’s end and is a lot of fun to watch. Also, bonus points for being an animated female character with a body that is physically possible.

20)

Chel [on why she wants a life of adventure]: “You’ve got your reasons...and I’ve got mine. Let’s not make this personal, okay?”

WHAT ARE HER REASONS!?!? WE NEVER LEARN!!! I MUST KNOW!!!

21) So Chel needs to prove to Tulio and Miguel she’s a good con artist...

[Chel shows the pair the dice she stole from Tulio]

Tulio: “How did you get those?”

Miguel: “Where was she keeping them?”

I’m with Miguel, that’s the more important question.

22) Oh Miguel...

23) It’s Tough to be a God.

The only time this film is a traditional musical (ie: the characters themselves break into song & dance), and considering Kevin Kline’s and Kenneth Branagh’s singing here that might not be the worst thing. The interesting thing is that their version doesn’t even appear on the soundtrack. Instead we get a duet with Elton John and Randy Newman.

24) I need to remember this excuse.

Tulio [trying to convince Tzekel-Kan not to make a human sacrifice to the gods/them]: “The stars are not in position for this tribute.”

Miguel: “Like he said...”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

25) I don’t identify totally with Miguel or totally with Tulio, but with parts of them. Like I identify with Tulio being kind of the dreamer who thinks things are possible, but this is a very me thing to say:

Tulio [after Miguel tells him he worries too much]: “No, I worry just the right amount! You can never worry too much!”

Same, Tulio. Same.

26) Remember how I said this movie was edgy to 12 year old me. Well it features a scene where Chel tries to seduce Tulio. Like, more than wanting a kiss. But like she shows off her shoulders for a back massage, they’re later found on the ground together all disheveled, it’s not even very subtle when you know what’s going on. Twelve year old me was very innocent.

27) I love their banter.

Miguel [when he and Tulio end up in a big arena to play ball for the locals]: “Well don’t blame me!”

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

28) The ball game is a lot of fun to watch, if for no other reason then Chel on the sidelines.

Chel: “Foul! That was a foul!”

And then it’s her idea to use the armadillo as a ball replacement to cheat.

29) So earlier in the film we got this line from Miguel:

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

And then later in the film Miguel tries to convince Chief Tannabok that the boat they are using to leave isn’t good enough (because Miguel wants to stay) when in fact it’s perfect. When Miguel admits his mistake, we got this line from the chief.

Chief: “Hey, to err is human.”

Miguel goes to get in the boat, but then he looks over his shoulder at the chief and the chief looks at him knowingly. And they don’t say anything else about it.

I love that. I love that the chief isn’t an idiot, but he knows. He knows and he knows it’s good for his people and he knows Miguel is a good guy and...I just love it!

30) I love little things like this.

[A giant stone jaguar, controlled by Tzekel-Kan, attacks the city. It grabs a warrior, ruffs him up A LOT, then lets him fall to the ground.]

Warrior [patting himself down]: “I’m okay!!!”

[Jaguar steps on warrior]

Warrior [from under Jaguar’s foot]: “I’m still okay!”

31) Remember how I talked about Chekov’s Fake Fight?

Tzekel-Kan [when he was Miguel & Tulio cornered]: “I know what you are and I know what you are not. And you are not GODS!”

Tulio [after a beat]: “Y-you’re not a god!?”

The pair then continue to have a very real argument where they say some pretty cold things to each other...

Tulio: “You’re buying your own con!”

Miguel: “At least I’m not DATING mine!”

But it has the same effect. Tzekel-Kan is distracted, enjoying their fighting, and the audience is as surprised as he is when the pair work in sync again and punch the guy out. It’s a nice way of playing the scene out.

32) Friends Never Say Goodbye. A very sad song that plays when it seems like Tulio and Miguel are going to take separate paths in life and are really mad at each other. It actually has some nice truths to it, and again is slightly different on the soundtrack. Elton John is backed up by the Backstreet Boys for the song on the album. I hope that didn’t ruin it for some of you.

33) The film ends with the citizens of El Dorado crashing a pillar into their gate so as to keep Cortes from finding the city, only it is falling too soon. So Chief Tannabok grabs some of the ropes and holds it back for a while. And this is probably REALLY mean of me and I apologize in advance but I just thought of this:

I’m so sorry.

34) According to IMDb:

A series of sequels featuring Miguel, Tulio, Chel, Altivo and even the armadillo going after other legends about gold was planned, similar to the Shrek (2001) series, but following the disappointing box-office results they were immediately canceled.

While that would’ve been interesting I’m kinda glad this film just stands on its own. It’s a nice little gem that way.

I love this film, and think a lot of people out there will too. People don’t really talk about it these days except to talk about how no one talks about it. It’s a nice variation from standard Disney fare, the music is great, freaking Miguel & Tulio are just awesome, and it is just such an enjoyable/adventure filled film. I think you should all watch it now! It’s on Netflix if you have it. So go. Go follow that trail! (Too easy?)

#The Road to El Dorado #Miguel and Tulio #Kevin Kline #Kenneth Branaugh #Elton John #Rosie Perez #Edward James Olmos #Jim Cummings #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF

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