#sources in the alt text. sorry to use it wrong

[limewatt]

they make me ill

[contraryclock]

Limbus rambling Don Quixote edition number #2 the second

SO!!! that new canto huh Part 1 is out, im avoiding leaks to the best of my ability, and i am CAUGHT UP! still havent read La Mancha or Don Quixote though but i dont think that matters right now OBVIOUS disclaimer about my lack of knowledge with the source material once again point is i have a crackpot theory that just might not be that uncommon or unlikely? idk we'll see

Also sorry for no ALT text, this uses a lot of images and my fingers are very cold

spoilers under the cut obviously, catch up before you click and otherwise beware

oh yeah baby welcome to the cool people zone im going to be using a mixture of my own screenshots and the Limbus Main Story Library for this, so buckle up

I propose that there are in fact, two Don Quixote's! Our Don, the sinner of limbus company! and a much older, original Don Quixote, the possible Founder / Lord of La Manchaland!

To start, almost all of this theory is based on those flashback bits we get with the colored text, and is running under the assumption that the Yellow text is, reasonably, supposed to be our Don.

... which brings up the question of why they are acting so uncharacteristically in what is supposedly their own story.

Now, onto those flashbacks!

First up we have the instance at 7-9.

This one doesnt tell us much but it gives us some initial context.

The grey text is clearly Vergillius, you can just tell that from the delivery. The blue text is an unknown femenine voice, The yellow text feels somewhat familiar to that deeper voice that Don quixote will have on occasion. Ironically its more clear in her scream there at the end. ... and then we have the masculine voice in the red text.

But we'll get to that later! our next instance is in 7-13, on the inside of the Shooting Rage attraction. (( although i personally think it says Shooting Bagel. ))

okok but actually heres the text

Only the red voice this time, clearly the same person given the delivery too and with the added context of this node and the last one, it can be assumed that this is either the person who dreampt up La Manchaland, or straight up founded it.

And thanks to the Barber's Narration, we can also come to assume that this voice is also a Fixer, if these things are to be true.

Next, in 7-16, is NOT a flashback, but rather the reaction of The Barber.

The Barber recognizes the name to some degree, "THAT name" feels incredibly deliberate. But she is otherwise completely indifferent to Don.

and now we get to talk about this blue fuck

Sanson, Knight of the white Moon, Knight of Mirrors, ect ect, the BASTARD quick unrelated tangent but i think its cool that they made the arguable* main antagonist of Don Quixote possibly also be apart of Demian's Cool Blue Crew™ (( DCBC )) (( i say this because he shares his dialogue background with the other members of the blue crew we've met )) anyways basically the ENTIRE SEQUENCE he causes is the main reasoning behind my theory here *arguable ok again i havent read the book so i have no idea if this is an accurate assessment of his character i saw an article say that he was "arguably" the antagonist once and i haven't talked to anyone who has actually read the book to yap at about before i make these posts. addendum over

The fact of the matter is, Don Quixote does a right shit job of recounting her own story. She gets lines wrong, minor details, and this becomes readily apparent as soon as she implies that her own fucking shoes are who she was talking to, and that they are given proper reply. (( My thoughts are that instead of Rocinante, the role is in fact Sancho, but we have no evidence of that being the case ))

We also get the most telling flashback lines in this segment!

...The voice we've come to associate with Don Quixote is shown to NOT say her own line, but rather that of the line in red. And in both of these incidents, ellipsis are used to blank out a word, my bets are all on that word being "Knight" baybee

THATS A WRAP FOLKS we've established all the evidence for my epic theory that uhhh the Red voice in don's flashbacks are an Older, Original Don Quixote and that its possible that our Don is a 2'st Don instead of a real Don

As for why this is happening??? I have no fuckin idea its the first part of the canto i just wanted to get my thoughts out

i hope this wasnt too incomprehensible! as is usual dont follow me ect ect and reply or something if you have anything to add, as said im not very knowledgeable on the source material. or do that thing where you reblog with an additional comment because i will reblog that. free reblog ok goodbye now i will be stabbed to death momentarily

[stoopid-turtle]

BTS In Order - April

I've looked for timelines of the bts before, but what I've found relies heavily on video clips, many of which I don't have access to. So I decided to make a text-focused timeline in English for the bts because I'm all up in my hyperfocus.

I mainly used this playlist on billibilli, though I also looked at a few other playlists (I didn't keep links, I suck). If I came across a video/reference w another date listed for the clip, I added the alternate date in parenthesis at the end. I chose to primarily follow this playlist bc it has a LOT of clips, has clips for every day, and doesn't have anything that immediately jumps out at me as wrong. I also cross-referenced with accio-victuuri's BJYX Timeline bc it's the most complete English timeline I've seen, and I respect the effort involved. And I ultimately I triple-checked against this weibo timeline. Again, alternate dates noted in parenthesis. Not all sources always agreed.

(the note on the primary playlist has this as its explanation of its dating: 广告以官宣日期为整体依据,若跨年度拍摄,则以最新发布日期为依据整理。Which Google translates to "The advertisement is based on the official announcement date as a whole and, if shot across the year, on the latest release date." I can't parse that so *shrug*)

I've listed out the bts scenes by date. I try to describe the known scenes, though I don't list out in detail EVERYTHING that happens (if I say "Xuanwu cave, bondage conversation", I assume you all know everything else that happens around that moment)(Though sometimes I get hype and fangirlish in the descriptions). A lot of scenes were unknown to me, so I tried to describe the setting, costumes, and vaguely what's happening. Most of the scenes I did recognize had more to the clip than the ones I've seen translated.

As none of what I watched had translations, I can't provide much context with that, I'm afraid. I also do not think these are in order within a day. I don't have any way to tell, so the timeline within the day, itself, is probably wonky.

I only included bts for the most part, not stuff the boys were doing outside the production. Everything's color coded. Scenes with only gg are in red. Scenes with only dd are in green. Scenes with both are orange (yellow just isn't readable, sorry). (If there's text with no color, just assume it's the same as the last colored text)

I wrote this literally by going back and forth between billibilli and Google Keep, so the notes are a little off the cuff. Let me know if you have questions or if you don't understand something. Or if you can't identify a particular bts scene you're curious about.

People are also completely free to take this and flesh it out if they want by adding the non-bts stuff. Any mistakes are mine. People are free to correct it as well. Basically, consider this public property for other turtles. So take it, make it your own, create a comprehensive google sheet that details everything in pretty color-coded order with media links that are cross-referenced, filterable, and sortable or whatever (PLEASE SOMEBODY DO THIS).

No need to credit. If you feel you have to, just say a stoopid turtle did it.

4.9-4.13 gg only - some group get together. The casting director is speaking to the group. this is where the clip of gg crying comes from. I don't see DD there. - Also boot camp stuff! 4.11.18 ggdd - table read (alt 4.5)

4.16.18 ggdd - opening ceremony (alt 4.6) - Dd only stuff at cloud recesses with lhk and uncle - Gg only stuff at burial mounds with yb and wq

4.17 ggdd cloud recesses punishment scene - Balancing sword on fingers with lhk - Sword point sand game - Burial mounds scene-inside cave. With wq and DD. Gg falls into DD's arms (wq shows her needles) - As a note, gg already doing the in and out sword thing as a kinda fidget while going over lines on his own - DD yells about needing to take a shit from off camera. GG looks directly at camera

4.18 ggdd - burial mounds outside scene. In forest. A-yuan hugging DD's leg and rocking him around. - While gg is reheasing, DD asks "Why are you being so fierce to me?" and apparently uses a cutesy way of saying 'me'. - GG and DD talk about Produce 101 - Also clip where gg is holding small white fan and yelling out in an exaggerated fashion while giggling - Night, DD looking at lhk's phone over his shoulder

4.18 gg only. Wwx in black getting ready to leave cloud recesses (jyl and jc in white)

4.19 ggdd at cloud recesses. Chatting while gg holds white fan - gg only - Jian trio with JC and GG running around JYL. GG and JC stare directly at camera. GG says "It's like looking in a mirror." - GG and DD talk about the difficulty of portraying LWJ across the timeskip.

4.20 ggdd - masked gg w lil apple. Confrontation with jc. Dd also there. Lots of sunscreen spraying (or bug spray?)

4.21 Gg only. Across table from lhk

4.22 gg only. In yi city w jin ling and other juniors.

4.23 Gg only. Gg talking to camera while holding white fan. He's drinking from a can

4.24 gg only. burial mounds. All villagers with him. - Gg only. Near river with mask - Gg only. Eating off-set with jc and wq.

4.25 gg playing flute while looking intense. Two handheld fans blowing on him (can't see who's holding them) - Ggdd - more cloud recess lectures. Both of them talking to Uncle and lhk - Gg takes a look at DD's Jade pendant.

4.26 ggdd. Also jl. Everybody in cloud recess robes. Director sits in front of them and talks. - ggdd sit on either side of director running lines and talking about the scene

4.27 gg only. When jyl and jc. Cloud recess dress. Eating soup. 4.28 DD only. Wire work. During wen attack on cloud recesses. - gg only. Burial mounds with wq and a-yuan

4.29 ggdd under tent, watching playback, then standing with head together but each on their own phone - First black fan appearance!!!! - ggdd running lines outside mianmian's house. Each has person holding umbrella over them. - ggdd outside, DD blue robes, with jl. I think they're filming the scene where they spot the dire owl -DD and jl play slap hands while gg gets bored (alt 5.10) - ggdd. In open area with a line of parked cars in bg. Dd does that thing where he gathers up the back of the wig and his blue hair shows underneath. - ggdd filming the binding scene. Ggdd swordfight. Gg jump real high - cut line where wwx suggests calling the binding "bing di", which apparently relates to a married couple - ggdd. Gg rides lil apple while DD leads. Husband wife scene. Gg new fan. Light blue. - GG and dd (and later JL) commiserate about insects flying in their eyes - Apparently a famous scene of DD staring at gg and DD's assistant noticing - ggdd DD is doing the sword in and out thing while walking. Gg walks up from behind, grabs the sword, does it a couple times himself. 4.30 gg only. Yi City. With juniors and a-qing - DD only. With lhk. Lhk show DD how to play guqi

I'll do an index post for these once they're all up. right now, I have notes through July, and I'm working on formatting May for tumblr (tumblr formatting is so frustrating yall). Will post as progress continues!

[nebulations]

Hi there! Please take a look at accessiblepublishing dot ca's guide to image description. There's a few mistakes in your transcribing and since you're sharing templates for other people to copy and paste, these mistakes are just going to multiply. A couple in particular I've noticed are: overly lengthy/confusing descriptors, paragraph breaks, restating plain text (screen readers already read plain text), restating audio, using styles in post, and using personal opinion in descriptors. It's great that you want to help make things more accessible, but please work to standardize your descriptors if you're going to be instructing others.

Hi, anon!! I really appreciate the feedback!! First, I actually have been dragging my feet for ages on fixing our earliest descriptions on the meme templates doc, so I will take this as my push to pare some of them down and make them clearer! I'll do my best to respond to everything here, going under the assumption that you mostly mean the descriptions I post on Tumblr rather than the ones on the doc:

Overly lengthy descriptors: I'm always working on this! I imagine my biggest offense on this is for comic IDs, but I generally intend for those to convey some manner of the style and flow of the art. I would actually appreciate being sent feedback on specific offenders if you want to show me where I've gone wrong!

Paragraph breaks: I write IDs as intended for plain text rather than alt, generally, but alt on Tumblr supports line breaks anyway. (The meme doc was also aimed for plain text, given the "ID: / End ID" formatting.) As I have seen a few sources saying paragraph breaks aid readability and I (a sighted person) definitely can't read long blocks of text, and I don't think I'm going to stop using paragraph breaks. I'm genuinely sorry if this is an inconvenience, but it is always okay to take my IDs and edit them as necessary if they don't measure up! (Also, I swear to god I don't say this to be petty, I'm trying to cover my bases because I haven't seen paragraph breaks being advised against in descriptions before: the accessiblepublishing guide also uses paragraph breaks in its examples for alt text? Do you have reasoning or other sources to explain why paragraph breaks are bad?)

Plain text: I take cues from posts like this one on plain text! Tl;dr, plain text is still important for low vision users who may not use screenreaders, and screenreaders also can struggle with special fonts or gradient text, so it's worth adding transcripts

Restating audio: I'm... not sure what this means? Are you talking about audio transcriptions? I will take advice on those if given, sorry I didn't catch your meaning!

Styles: I try very hard to use fully plain text except bold fonts for IDs, with the very occasional phrase in caps lock or italics, and wasn't aware I was overusing formatting otherwise? The people's accessibility server once advised my friend and me on doing a series of long comic descriptions and generally stated that bold was the most readable kind of special formatting, so that's what I go for. I'll keep an eye on it!

Personal opinions: I'll keep an eye on this as well, thanks for letting me know! (I'd thought I was doing a good job, do you have examples for me to look over?)

Sorry this was so long, I wanted to be thorough! Thanks again anon, I am always open to feedback on my descriptions!! Have a great day!!!

[heliopauseentertainments]

For WIP Wednesday, I've got a tidbit from that Megatron/Thunderclash fic prompt in my inbox. I'm still formulating most of the plot, but here's a chunk.

Feat. Nightbeat! Unfortunately, the formatting broke, so italics and bold are not present in this preview.

Since escaping their original universe, the Lost Light’s crew had been in a bit of an adventure slump, at least in Nightbeat’s opinion.

An entirely new universe and for the first few months, they’d encountered nothing.

Well, asteroids and rocky planetoids that they could exploit for resources, but nothing noteworthy, nothing interesting.

So functionally… nothing.

No great mysteries worth turning his mind to.

The closest had been when Riptide had misplaced the datapad he used for a personal journal last week and had been convinced someone had taken it. Nightbeat had been fired up for uncovering some long-hidden interpersonal dispute. Unfortunately, it had simply turned out that Riptide had put it in his subspace—rather than on a nightstand as usual—and forgotten it was in there.

A classic case of “checking in the wrong place.”

Slumping against the table in Swerve’s, Nightbeat leaned on his hand, watching at Nautica fiddled with something on her souped up quantum wrench.

Major mysteries had seemingly all dried up.

They’d found Luna 1. Check.

The Ark had been found. Check.

There had been a third one, one that had been incredibly important and difficult to solve. Something about an alt-mode. He knew it had been solved. Nightbeat couldn’t really remember what it was. The fact that it was missing was almost a new worthwhile mystery on its own, but he’d already solved another case of missing his own memories before. It would probably be similar, rather than novel, and therefore less interesting.

Quasi-check.

He’d come back to it, keep it on the back-burner, so to speak.

Nightbeat opened his mouth to ask Nautica to explain the difference between fermions and bosons again, not because he hadn’t understood the first time. Rather, he wanted to see if reviewing the evidence would give him some new thread to pull on, some new yawning void in understanding to fill with truth.

The raised screen on the bar’s wall flashed on before the words could leave. Today’s issue of the Lost Light Insider was on. As usual, it was narrated by an automated, generic voice simulation software to protect the producer’s identity.

Nightbeat turned his head to watch, mouth still agape from his aborted conversation.

The Insider was usually just an exercise in yellow journalism, but at this point Nightbeat would take just about anything if it would give his languishing mind the jolt it needed.

“It’s a sad day for all the bachelor Crusadercons.”

A picture of a brightly-polished Thunderclash, smiling with his usual genuine warmth, was thrown up for the viewer’s perusal. Bold text reading “OFF THE MARKET?” was plastered on top.

“Sources close to Thunderclash have indicated that the Greatest Autobot of All Time and founder of the Thunderclash School of Heroic Arts might have a new love interest.”

That sort of headline had an obvious follow up question—

“The identity of this lucky, lucky individual is unknown.”

Finally.

A mystery.

Petty and ridiculous but he’d do it.

“I’ll take the case!” he said, to no one in particular, but vaguely in Nautica’s direction.

“Hm?” Nautica could be heard setting her wrench down. “Sorry, what was that, Nightbeat? I was distracted.”

“I’ve got a case!”

“What case?”

She hadn’t even been listening, which was unsurprising. Nautica had never cared for the Insider either. Nightbeat had just been at his wits’ end.

Nightbeat simply pointed at the screen, still displaying the earlier image as the narrator repeated the initial details with different phrasings to pad for time.

Nautica frowned at him, disapproving.

“Is it�� really any of our business, Nightbeat?” No, but that was separate. “Just be happy for Thunderclash and—“

“I’m not unhappy for him! I’m just desperate for a case!” Nightbeat slapped the table before standing up to get started. “Sure, ‘who’s frying Thunderclash’s circuits’ isn’t exactly epic, I’ll take it.”

[yesloulou]

diff twitter user hi but does it bother you when people repost your gifs in general? i don’t have a lot of followers and do my best to mention original creators when writing the gif alt texts (ie “daniel ricciardo indoor rock climbing, gif by yesloulou on tumblr” though i don’t always remember to write the alt text eek) but i hadn’t thought about that being a hard line. or is it just that there are people who take credit for them? thanks and also sorry! <3

Hi anon! ty for this message 💗💗 I… actually like seeing my content in unexpected places (barring tumblr) bc it’s nice to know ppl appreciate them ie this tweet from yesterday lol. What you described here doesn’t bother me either. There’s nothing wrong w sharing things you like w your friends. And if we don’t remember to add sources to everything we post on our social media that’s only normal and ofc understandable.

(I would appreciate being credited somewhere more visible tho but what you’re doing doesn’t bother me <3 Again ty for being so mindful and sending me this ask in the first place!!)

reason why I’m singling out @ ricciardosbabe is bc if you’re a blog with thousands of followers whose posts get thousands of retweets it’s different than just posting stuff for fun on your personal social media. imo this is where they need to be a lil more responsible. When lots of ppl use them as a content source they should be more respectful towards where they get their content from, is all I’m saying.

and now that they’ve been posting my gifs w/out credit for I kid you not three days straight it’s getting on my nerves. Didn’t help that the last one they reposted was one where Daniel moved so freaking much I had to track and stabilize his movements in after effects before actually making the gif in photoshop (you’ll notice the background moving but originally it was a still shot)

anyways. I wasn’t kidding about watermarking me gifs ‘not to be reposted by @ ricciardosbabe’ next time sooo 😳

again ty for this lovely ask!

[prorevenge]

Falsely Accused of Cheating, Then Dumped

Date: April 2, 2009, a couple days after I turned 30.

I had been dating a wonderful girl, we’ll call her Ratchet, for almost 3 years. And we were good together, I really did see her as my soul mate. We weren't living together yet, but I was just a few weeks away from popping the question. However, as plans will be plans will go awry.

Enter my friend (we’ll call him Skidmark), who I'd known since freshman year at a well known university, he was also a fraternity brother and someone I'd be proud to call a real brother. This is the guy I would've asked to be my best man, and not as it's often portrayed in cheesy romantic comedies or whatever. That is, until his act of betrayal when he told Ratchet (A LIE) that I cheated on her. Also, he had no evidence of said infidelity.

How did this play out? Ratchet had been staying at my place for the past couple days and I arrived home to find her packing her things. When she saw me, she started shouting at me. A lot of it was hard to make out, other than the profanity but here's what I did remember:

"How could you do this to us"

"I can't believe you"

"Skidmark told me everything"

I attempted to interject a few times, almost in tears in one point when I shouted, "Just listen to me for a second!" but she just got all pissy that I yelled at her, and walked out after telling me to get fucked.

So obviously I called Skidmark a few times, left a voicemail asking WTF he told her and wanting to know why he dragged me through the mud like that. The next morning I went over to his apartment - to find that he moved a couple days ago. How convenient.

The next day, I get a call from another good friend of mine (he was a solid guy, so let’s call him Solid - we met at the same university/fraternity) and it went something like this:

"Um, are you sitting down"

"No, what do you want to tell me"

"When did you break up with Ratchet?"

"I didn't, Skidmark told her that I cheated on her and she walked out on me"

"I just drove past that dive in your old neighborhood, she's with him. They were all smiles, holding hands and everything - I was wondering what was ..."

(I disconnected)

So it doesn’t take the guys from True Detective to figure out that he orchestrated this from beginning to end, and his prize was a new girlfriend – now my ex.

At the time, it felt like this backstabbing bastard destroyed my life.

Fast forward to six weeks later ….

On a Friday night Solid went to a popular bar/club in the area to hang out and throw down a few brews. And who do you think walks in about 15 minutes later.

Why, it was Skidmark!

It was a pretty large bar, and Solid apparently did a pretty good job of not being seen, even though he did see a few things:

Skidmark went in alone, but he's talking to some girl maybe 5 minutes later. A few minutes later, he buys her a drink. A few minutes after that, they're on the dance floor.

A few minutes after that .... let's say Skidmark could have gotten arrested if he didn't have consent to put his hands where they were.

Keep in mind, Solid has already sent me several texts about what's been going on. At one point he included several photos of the handsy dancers. In the last photo Skidmark was kissing the girl.

And now he must be melting his phone with how fast the texts are coming in.

"You gotta nail this guy, Ratchet needs to know what's going on!"

"Shit he almost saw me!"

"I had to skip out of there, but I've done enough damage heh heh"

"He was kissing her in that last one, wanna bet he'll go all the way?"

This is where the plan comes together. I tell him to get in touch with Ratchet, and ask her to meet him (about something urgent) at a coffee shop close to where he lives. Note: his place was over 30 min away from where I lived, so hopefully Ratchet wouldn't be suspicious. I recommended a coffee shop because it's a public place with outdoor seating.

Sunday morning, May 17:

I remember everything about this encounter – what I was wearing, what she was wearing, what it smelled like, it’s permanently etched in my memory. I approached a couple minutes after they sat down. Once Ratchet saw me, her face physically changed, and she immediately got up to leave. Solid reached out and grabbed her arm before saying "You owe me, remember? Sit down and listen!"

She reluctantly sits down, and with a very pissy look on her face she asks, "What do YOU want, Parkesc?" ***

I respond, "What he said, sit down and listen" and I ask to borrow his phone so I can call up Skidmark. I hand him mind and tell him to pull up the photos when I give him the signal.

Here’s how the conversation went:

Skidmark answers with "Sup Solid"

I respond, with the speakerphone on, "Well hey buddy!"

There’s a brief pause followed by “uuuh”

“No it’s Parkesc. I hope you don’t mind; I’m using Solid’s phone since mine’s dead.”

(Keep in mind, Skidmark’s voice in the rest of this conversation is pretty sheepish)

“Long time no see man, what’s been going on?”

“A whole lot’s been going on, actually. How was Friday night?”

“How was Friday night?”

“Yeah”

“Why would you ask man … I mean I … I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah I think we both know why you haven’t seen me in a while, but anyway, Solid told me he saw you at the bar the other night, getting down with some hottie.”

“Who said that”

“Solid, you know, our fraternity brother from (that university). And, ummmm, he saw you. With that girl. And he may or may not have taken some pictures.”

“What?”

By the way, Ratchet’s eyes are getting pretty big right now, Solid is motioning her to be quiet. She mouthed the words WHAT THE FUCK as he began to open my phone and go to the pics.

“Yeah I got a LOT of pictures. And you know, I think I can guess who would like to see them.”

“Cmon man, don’t do this man. Why you doin this, man? Why you doin this?”

“What are you kidding me? We haven’t spoken in over a month because you lied to my girlfriend that I was in love with and planning to marry. Now you’re messing around behind HER back.”

“Man it isn’t like I was trying to steal her, man.”

“WELL MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO DO, because Solid also mentioned he saw you two together. That was TWO DAYS after she walked out on me.”

“It’s not like that man, and you’re not gonna anything. I know you’re mad, but, cmon man.”

There was a brief pause, and my brain almost did a Ctrl-Alt-Delete after that auditory fuckpoop.

“No, you don’t know. And I’m not gonna CMON MAN.”

“Are you kidding me, you’re really gonna …”

“I’m doing this – right now, in fact. You’ve been on speaker the whole time, and Solid isn’t the only person here with me.”

“WHAT?”

And finally Ratchet chimed in.

“I cannot even believe you did this. What the hell? You’ve totally ….totally been lying to me and now you're cheating on me too?"

“No, no, no it wasn’t ….. FUCK! Really, Parkesc?”

“Basically, they’ve shown me all the pictures, I’ve been looking at them this whole time. What’s wrong with you, Skidmark??”

“I didn’t even know her.”

“What you mean, you didn’t know her??”

“Ok, you know what, fuck you Parkesc!”

And then Solid says his piece:

"WHOA WHOA WHOA, first of all, dude, you stole your best friend's girl with a BS lie, you just admitted it, and you're cheating on her anyhow!"

"Fine, whatever, it didn’t mean anything ….”

Ratchet responds with "Oh Please!” before she hangs up on him and turns toward me. She hands the phone back to Solid and he gives me back my phone with half a smile and a raised eyebrow. He probably expected a gratifying end to this escapade.

“Parkesc I am really sorry, I made a mistake. Is there any way ...."

“Stop right there!” I abruptly interject, with a sharp glare in my eye.

They’re both in shock.

“No, you never believed me, didn’t listen to one word I had to say. And you had no evidence, you just took that fuckhead’s word and walked out on me. Was it worth it?”

Solid was pretty much catatonic, stunned into silence. By the time I was halfway back to my car, I could have sworn I heard Ratchet starting to cry. I wouldn’t know because I refused to look back.

*** By the way, you’re probably wondering what the asterisks were for. Up until that point, there was still a snowflake’s chance in hell that Ratchet and I would get back together. When she didn’t even want to hear me out (yet again), I was done. I just didn’t let her know until I was finished with Skidmark.

I never heard from either of them again. Good riddance.

(source) story by (/u/parkesc)

[wainwrightjakobshammerlock]

finally. i decided to do this. anyways hello there, i am jake and today i want to talk about something; you see, if you are in the tf2 fandom, you probably know about heavymedic. Wherther you are a hardcore gamer who resents f2p’s or a person that never played the game but has trillions of notes on their art- you know heavymedic exists and most of all you probably ship it.

And I find that weird. In the few fandoms in my life I have been in I had never seen a single ship be so widely if not shipped, then accepted. Sure, maybe everyone in the GF fandom knows what Billdip is - for better or for worse. Sure, maybe the HS fandom is 70% shipping.

But I have never ever seen such a phenomenon in a prominent multiplayer game fandom. A fandom, sadly, oftentimes filled with toxicity. Overwatch is very similar here - yet ships are either a hot topic of discussion or straight up ignored. But TF2? In here for whatever reason we ship these two mercenaries. And in this essay I will try and find a reason or two why is that.

Apologies for any mistakes or incoherency. English is not my first language, I need to ramble, and my vocabulary is all over the place.

Content warning: mentions of homophobia, blood, death, mentions of WLW fetishization, nsfw mention. Also MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR THE TF2 COMICS.

Part 1: Canonical Evidence and Interactions

Let’s be honest: I could ramble about this one for days on end. But I’ll try and keep it short.

First and foremost we have the official videos. And of course the first thing that comes to mind is Meet the Medic.

At the very start of the part where Medic himself appears, we see him telling a joke about a particularly gruesome situation to Heavy.

He laughs along with him, visibly enjoying his company. He even smiles as he waits for another joke. Heavy only shows genuine fear a lot later.

And of course this damn scene always cracks me up. Medic slightly pinches Heavy’s cheek and strokes his lip gently (the other part is almost not noticeable unless you play the video at slow speed).

Of course we all know about the Hand Hold that happens somewhere halfway in the vid. I don’t think I have to explain the gayness in that. The fact their hands stay interlocked even after Medic helps Heavy up. The deep breath Medic takes because even he cannot handle the emotions. That few seconds is unresolved sexual tension manifest.

Overall the short shows a strong feeling of trust between these two. Medic confides in Heavy and reverse. Yeah he puts a baboon heart into his friend’s chest cavity but the fact (as proven at the end of the video) that Heavy was the first one to have an Ubercharge implanted into him shows that Medic at the very least considers him a lab rat.

I treat End of the Line as non-canonical, as do many others, and as such won’t discuss it here. But it will forever crack me up that Valve endorsed such levels of homoerotic subtext.

These two have some short moments in other videos, like for example in Invasion Heavy helps Medic up (CINEMATIC PARALLELS) but it’s nothing major so I guess I’ll skip forward.

Second is their interactions ingame. You might call me a weirdo for trying to find stuff in there but holy shit I have things to say and I’m going to say them.

You thought I was going to fanboy over the “i love this doktor” voiceline huh? Well not really. I wish these two had unique lines if they assist one another.

Heavy is literally listed on the official wiki as the “ideal medic buddy” and multiple pages on that exact wiki say some pretty interesting things.

I have to say something about the Gentleman’s Ushanka and/or Pocket Medic. They are both community cosmetics - but the fact they both got accepted by Valve says a lot. Above is text snipped from the actual wiki.

Last but not least: The Comics. Darned comics. The pair of mercenaries has basically no interaction - unless you count issue 6.

Heavy getting absolutely PISSED when Medic is killed by Ch*avy. Their reunion. Medic referring to Heavy by “my friend” in a totally straight way. Kind of sad Valve wasted an opportunity for them to hug. Maybe they knew their comic artist ships them and wanted to avoid having to answer the Question™.

Part 2: Dynamics

This part’s a bit trickier, mostly due to the reason that I’m new to this whole dynamic analysis thing. Yeah I’m good at spotting canonical evidence but very specific shipping dynamics often escape my gaze.

The most obvious one is Big Guy, Little Guy. Quoting the TVTROPES page:

[…] This trope describes a pair of guys who always fight together, are best friends forever, and quite often have a very obvious hierarchy: The little guy is often in charge […] The little guy is usually listed first, since he’s the leader, and they are always listed together, as if they are one entity. In fact, some episodes may center on the fact that they can’t live without each other. […] If this is a case of Brains and Brawn, the Big Guy is usually the Brawn, and the Little Guy the Brains. It’s almost never the other way around, but in some cases the Big Guy can be rather smart too. […]

A sub-type of this, a common favorite here on Tumblr is known as “small chaotic big calm” and hoo boy if that isn’t these two. I don’t really have much to say here - again I am not an expert.

Part 3: Fandom Impact

So you don’t think Red Oktoberfest (as Heavymedic is sometimes called) is super popular on anywhere else than Tumblr? Wrong.

It’s hard to find TF2 fics on Archive of Our Own not tagged with Heavy/Medic. Of course most of them only contain hints to their relationship but go in the main tf2 tag and I can guarantee you, you’ll gonna see “implied heavy/medic” all the time.

But these two go further than AO3 or Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. They are recognized even within the wider circle of the fanbase. Take this SFM, for example. (I am using the Saxxy Awards version of Secret Lives here mostly due to the fact that the Heavymedic moment is much gayer. In the normal version, the dialogue isn’t changed, but they simply hold hands.)

But it gets deeper. (WARNING: THE GAY MOMENT IN THIS ONE IS NSFW. NOT EXPLICITLY SO BUT JUST A HEADS UP TUMBLR PLEASE DO NOT FLAG ME)

And the best part? The comments are extremely positive. You’d expect hoards upon hoards of homophobes screeching but no, the comments are supportive. Even on places such as Reddit or Youtube, comments like “yeah they’re gay and in love” do not get downvoted/disliked to hell; in fact the opposite.

Part 4: Canon Status

Let’s be real. Most ships are shipped because people want to explore the dynamics in fanfic, fanart or something else. But Heavymedic is shipped because… well, I have no idea.

Actually, I kind of do - but only theories. You see, while the canonical evidence is here, the creators have never said anything about them. No confirmation, no disproval, no hinting, nothing.

But the ship is so prominent! There has to be something causing this!- you say. And to that I present you 2 theories on why Heavy/Medic is so popular.

Theory number 1 states that we simply all choose to interpret their interactions as homoerotic. And this is very easy to disprove - there’s simply no way we just collectively agreed on these matters out of nothing. There has to be something bigger.

And theory 2 states that, well, our interpretation is the desired interpretation. But this is even more ridiculous than theory 1 for a number of reasons. If they are in fact gay, why hasn’t Valve made them canon yet?

A Theoretical Scenario

I am going to ramble big time on this one, so buckle up lads. I’ll discuss a theoretical scenario in which, well, if that was not obvious, Valve confirms Heavymedic as canon. Maybe then we will see why they will probably never do so.

TF2 is considered by typical capital G, alt-right Gamers as a “non-political” game. This means no women (in the game itself, at least, and if even, sexy women only), no queer folk and no minorities (for some reason they accept Demoman but throw a fit if someone draws any other merc as not being pearl white). Team Fortress 2 was around before Gamergate and other things like Gamers Rise Up. It’s a classic and Valve is regarded as the good guy to Epic Game’s bad guy. If Valve did anything to confirm doubts, wherther it be clearing up popular fanon or confirming ships, these people would throw hands. (Although they seemed to ignore when one of the writers confirmed Miss Pauling is a lesbian. Huh.) Even those that don’t play TF2 would come to the aid of their bros.

Let me illustrate with two very similar examples. In both cases these confirmations were the first made by the company as a whole, both are fairly recent and both confirm a character as gay.

First we have the confirmation of Tracer from Overwatch as a lesbian. It was done in one of OVW’s comics. Tracer is the FACE of Overwatch as a whole and while most of the fanbase accepted it (thankfully the Gamers are reluctant to infest ow), some people threw what I can only describe as a hissy fit. At least her girlfriend’s a background character.

Second is Neeko from League of Legends. Unlike Tracer she was added a while before it was confirmed she was gay. LOL is much more toxic and filled with Gamers than OW and holy shit people smeared LOL so much.

Of course these are not accurate to Heavy/Medic. In both of the cases I listed it was girls being wlw and we all know how much cisgender heterosexual gamers LOVE yuri porn. Apparently only girls can be gay because they can jack off to it - if it’s two guys then it’s disgusting. Nevertheless I think these are good approximations - in every case the company gets “shat on” on social media and other sites. With the community that Valve has, I think even if they wanted them to be gay, they would never ever confirm it.

Conclusion

I’m sorry for that ending. I had to theorize a bit. Regardless I’d love if you shared this on other sites, reblogged or whatever - I wasted at least 1 and a half hours of my life on it. Feel free to cite this as a source if someone asks you why you ship the big heavy weapons expert and the feral battle medic.

[rapidpunches]

Please consider taking out the tomato soup joke in the alt of this post: https://www.tumblr.com/rapidpunches/714179895927947264/sunflowers-1888-by-vincent-van-gogh?source=share. Alt text is meant to provide context to people who use screenreaders and anyone who can't access the image, so wording it in this way is confusing and unfair. Simply accurately naming the painting would be very appreciated! You could also rewrite the alt to be something like: A clean edit of Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers," edited so yellow mako and thresher sharks replace some of the flowers.

I'm sorry it was offensive. I just thought that if I was using a screenreader, I would like an amusing and colorful use of language or something in the description to enjoy. If everyone else gets to see something funny I would want something funny too. Since I don't use a screenreader I might be wrong and would have to ask someone who does use one first to really know what they think of memes and stuff.

Also it is not an edit. It is a paint study, like a "Do This In Your Style" and my style is sharks.

[janethepegasus]

BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU RP Thing: Into Another World

An RP related to the BMC Miraculous Ladybug AU ( @pika-ace ) and it’s one of the specials where our main seven meet an alternate version of the Miraculous Armada!

(The main sever stir after being sucked into the portal) Leo: Ow.....

Cyber: Everyone alright?

Hound: Yeah.....i guess?

Dasher: Yeah...but it looks like that akuma sent us...nowhere, cause this looks like the place we started

Leo: Yeah...

(They look around, seeming to be in New Jersey) Owl: Something...doesn't feel quite right...

Swan: How? :/c Timber: Everything feels the same to me...

Owl: I can't quite explain it...this...isn't the universe I know...

Owl: I just.....have this strange feeling.....that something or someone is present in this world.....that wasn’t from our universe.... (Meanwhile in an apartment, the alternate Joe is passed out on his desk, papers of drafts for songs laying all around) (Then he jerks awake when his phone vibrated)

Alt Joe: Wha...? *looks at his phone*

(It was a text from Alternate Eric) Alt Eric: *text* Everyone, please come to our usual spot immediately, we;ll explain later.

Alt Joe: *frowns* What on earth could have happened to need everyone?

(Later on, Alternate Owl, Swan, Timber, Coral, Natura, and Tiger, all meet up with Alternate Cyber and Leo on a rooftop) Alt Coral: What's going on Eel Dad and Lion Bro?

Alt Leo: This may sound cheesy, but we've felt a disturbance in the force. (Alt Cyber sighs)

Alt Leo: Whaaat?? >:/ Alt Cyber: *sighs* Indeed, some presence from another world has appeared in ours.

Alt Cyber: We called you all here to be on guard; we have no idea if this is an akuma or something bigger

Alt Leo: Yeah, cause if WE'RE feeling something's off, then SOMETHING'S off! >:(

Alt Tiger: So what do we do if we find this *makes air quotes* disturbance?

Alt Leo: If it's an akuma, we fight it, of course. But if it's something else, umm......we fight it, i think.....or investigate it! :/ Alt Natura: Ya know, for an immortal guardian, you KINDA act like this is your first time being a Miraculous Holder. -_-'

Alt Leo: Shut up! Alt Cyber: And also, let us and the others know where they are; something tells me that we may all need to be here for this, and I'm not taking any chances

Alt Timber: Sure! I won't mind an all armada beat down against this thing! >:3

Alt Swan: Yeah...hopefully it's nothing too big though...

(Meanwhile with the main seven, they wonder around the alternate version of New Jersey)

Owl: This just feels so bizarre...it's the same and yet...so very different

Cyber: Yeah...

(They keep wondering around the city until Cyber spots some figures jumping through rooftops)

Cyber: Did you see that? Dasher: See what? Leo: I saw it!

Dasher: Saw what?! (Leo points to the figures jumping around the rooftops) Dasher: Oooooh! Now i see it!

Hound: Do we follow?

Cyber: I guess?

Swan: What could happen? (They leap up after them)

(Meanwhile with the alternate Holders, they leap through the rooftops, looking for anything that could be the source to that disturbance)

Alt Tiger: What kinda thing do you think it'll be this time Fawn?

Alt Natura: Considering how Cyber wanted the ENTIRE armada to beat down this THING, i'm gonna say either a REALLY powerful akuma or maybe some kind of being from another universe came to ours!

Alt Tiger: Oooh that's something I can get behind! >:3

Alt Natura: Me too, cause i'm excited to show them *serious persona* thy wrath of nature's goddess! >:) Alt Timber: Ugh, you and your little persona thing... -_-

(Just then, Leo stops, his ears twitching)

Alt Cyber: What is it?

Alt Leo: I hear something...

(His ears perk up, listening to whatever sound he hears)

Alt Leo: Uhhh... Alt Cyber: What? Alt Leo: This is weird, cause I hear...us..over there... *points behind them*

(The alternate Holders turn around and look behind them)

(The real holders stop and stare at the new group with wide eyes) Leo: ...Well...this is new...

Alt Timber: Who....the fuck....are they...?!

Timber: We could ask you the same thing!

Alt Natura: Is it wrong that i find the dude in that Weasel suit adorable? 0_0

Hound: *blinks at alt Tiger and Natura* Hold the fuck up...Jane?! Kirsty?! Is that you?!

Alt Natura: *eyes widened* H-How the fuck did he know our true identities?!

Alt Tiger: Does this mean we have to kill them?! Leo: You sounded WAY too eager about that, and WHEN the HELL were you two Miraculous Holders?!

Alt Natura: Umm.....for a long time now, i lost count on the exact numbers. :/ Swan: *blinks at alt Timber* Wait....B-Brother?!

(Alt Timber blinks and glances between the two Swans) Alt Timber: Okay, I am VERY confused!

Alt Coral: We're ALL confused Wolfman! XS

Dasher: Ahh! Coral's a dude! What happened?! Alt Cyber: This is a bigger disturbance than we thought...

janethepegasus Alt Coral: Hey! Don't judge me and my swim suit costume! Ya Lin Manuel-wannabe! >:(

Dasher: *softly* Funny you should say that... Hound: Dasher, no! Alt Leo: *blinks* The Weasel Miraculous?! We didn't give that one to anyone, did we?! Alt Cyber: No, same with the Dog Miraculous.

Alt Owl: *looks at Owl* W-Why is there copy of me?! 0~0

Owl: I KNEW there was something different about this place...

Alt Leo and Leo: You did?! (Both Leos look at each other) Leo: Hey! I was gonna say that!

Alt Leo: Well duh, I was gonna say it! Cyber: Leo, please...

Alt Cyber: Leo, please stop... -_- Alt Leo: Whaaaat?! He started it! >:(

Cyber: This whole situation is already enough of a migraine waiting to happen, we don't need either of you making it worse

(Both Leos pout) Alt Leo and Leo: FINE

Owl: Anyway, my children, I believe we've stumbled upon some kind of alternate universe of sorts

Hound: *sarcasm* Oh, what gave you THAT idea?!

Owl: Don't you take that tone with me, young man! >:( Timber: Hound, be nice to Owl Dad.

(Hound rolls his eyes)

Alt Cyber: I certainly hope I'm right in assuming that you aren't here to cause any malice in this city.

Owl: We're not. We wouldn't do any sort of harm to anyone in this city.

Alt Cyber: Good, then maybe once we straighten all this out we can find the cause of...all this.

Leo: All of what?

Alt Leo: You being here and that disturbance in the universe we felt

Owl: *eyes widened* W-What....?

Hound: Okay that's weird, since our Owl Dad here said the same thing about the universe feeling weird... Owl: Yes...only guardians are that in tune with the universe...

Alt Leo: Yeah, we pretty much KNOW the universe we live in. So if something disturbs the balance of it, we KNOW something isn't right!

Leo: Wait...so does that mean... *points between Alt Cyber and Leo* are you two....?! Alt Cyber: Yes, we are the guardians of the Miraculous

Alt Leo: And we lived MUCH longer than any other human in this world! Not that we're bragging or anything ;)c

Leo: ....Whoa..... Owl: Well, from one guardian to another, it’s good to meet you, particularly since I’ve never met another guardian

Alt Cyber: Same with you. Alt Leo: Nice to meet ya fellow guardian! <3

Alt Owl: Wait, IM the guardian in your Universe?!

Owl: Indeed. Alt Owl: .....That sounds WAY cooler than just being a writer! :/

Hound: Does anyone else wanna just sit down somewhere and compare universes? Cause I kinda do :3c

Alt Coral: Sure! Why not? :3c

(They all go to Eric and Jeremy's apartment) Timber: *to Cyber* Guess my alternate self's not home, too bad

Cyber: *to Timber* I guess....if your alternate self even lives here at all....

Alt Cyber: Sorry for asking, but who are you under the Wolf Miraculous? I'm a bit curious as to who you chose for it; maybe we know you.

Timber: O-Oh! You....want me to transform back?

Alt Cyber: No, just...tell me your name. I think all of us transforming back would just end up being incredibly confusing.

Timber: A-Alright then.....*ahem* My name is Jordan Ellis-Williams. O-Or just Jordan Ellis.

Alt Cyber: .......Sorry, but I don't know any Jordan Ellis. Cyber: W-What...?

Alt Cyber: If i passed by anyone who had your name....i just didn't noticed them.

Cyber: But...that's...h-how could you not know him? H-He's my...our best friend! He's everything to us, there's no way you could just...not know him, i-it's not possible!

Alt Cyber: I'm afraid so. I...do apologize if this upsets you.

Cyber: No, I'm sorry, it's just...Jordan has been such a big part of my life... *takes Timber's hand* It's just...very hard to imagine life without him... (Alt Cyber glances at their hands and sees their rings)

Alt Cyber: ....Are....you two....married? Alt Leo: *softly* Does that mean they're gay or something? :/c

Timber and Cyber: NO!! Timber: Well, yeah, we ARE married- Cyber: But it's platonic; Jordan may be bisexual but I'm straight, so, yes, it's a platonic marriage

Alt Cyber: ......I was not aware you can get married platonically. Alt Leo: So like....it's like marrying your best friend? :/c

Alt Tiger: Yep! That's a thing! Marriage doesn't mean love it mostly means living together forever! Hound: Some things never change XD

Alt Leo: .....Does this mean I get to marry Michael? :3c

Alt Tiger: If you really want to! X3c (Leo and Hound blush) Alt Leo: *to Hound* Whoa, hey, I didn't recognize ya at first! Michael!! You got a Miraculous?

Hound: Well yeah! MY Leo gave it to me! Before i knew who he was under the mask of course! ;)c

Leo: Speaking of non-holders being holders, Jane and Kirsty aren't holders in our universe either

Alt Natura: Oh really? How come? :/c

Leo: *shrugs* I dunno, just didn't happen, I guess. Hound: You two are usually our damsels in distress of the week. Seriously, your track record with getting in trouble with akuma's is...record breaking.

(Alt Natura face palms) Alt Tiger: Really?

Swan: Yeah...we have to save you a lot...

Alt Natura: .....I'm not gonna question WHY it happens at this point. -_-

Alt Timber: Speaking of which.... *looks at Timber* Never expected a big guy like you would wear this *gestures his suit* big hunk of fur on ya.

Timber: Yeah...although it's pretty disorienting seeing YOU of all people here... *everyone looks at Alt Timber uneasily*

Alt Timber: Why ya say that? >:/

Owl: To put it simply...in our universe...you hold the Raven Miraculous, not the Wolf. In our universe, you are our enemy, Raven Claw.

Alt Timber: *tenses* I'm....Raven Claw in your world?! And not that....snarky, manipulative, BITCH Vincent?!

Leo: Whoa Vincent? Why does that name sound familiar...?

Alt Cyber: Vincent....the current holder of the Raven Miraculous in our world.....has been abusing it's power for his own gain for quite some time now... Alt Leo: Last time we checked, he might have some prisoners trapped in his lair....

Leo: Prisoners...*blinks* Oh god...oh god NO!! Alt Leo: What? Leo: *scared* How many prisoners?! Are there three?! Three men?!

Alt Leo: Yeah.....three guys are trapped in his lair....the only thing i can recall of them is that they're blue, green, and purple....and that's about it.

(Leo turns pale and staggers back a bit at the thought of the three of them in the hands of Vincent of all people) Leo: No...no...

Cyber: Leo...? Leo: NONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!

Cyber: Whoa, Leo, son, calm down! *he holds onto him* Leo: Vincent...Vincent was Virus Cy! VIRUS has them and he has magic and he has Max, Philip, and Sebastian! He has them!!

Alt Leo: Woah, guess you guys faced YOUR version of Vincent before.

Cyber: Yes, but he was a one-time event, a VERY DANGEROUS one-time event. And if he's Raven Claw here...

Cyber: ....Oh god.....he's probably done MUCH more horrible things than OUR Raven Claw...!

Owl: Indeed; our Raven Claw takes hostages, not prisoners. Back in our universe, Vincent was akumatized due to his envy of those three brothers, and imagining them in the hands of Vincent when he's being consumed by the evil magic of the Raven Miraculous...those poor boys...

Alt Leo: Yeah....Our Raven Claw is VERY vicious, he would go ALL out on us and i bet he won't stop until one or all of us are DEAD.

Alt Coral: Trust me, that bitch had his claws INCHES away from slicing my head off! Alt Coral: .....Thank god i LIVED.

Leo: Oh god...Max...Philip...Sebastian...no no no... Alt Leo: Uh...I guess you know those three?

Leo: Yeah! They were my babysitters when i was a little kid!

Leo: How do you not...oh yeah... Alt Leo: Yeah....when you're immortal, you don't need babysitters. Hell, Cy's pretty much been my babysitter for as long as we've been alive

Alt Cyber: Yes it is true. Since even though you're just as old as me, you STILL act like child and do stupid things!

Alt Leo: Well excuse me! >:( Alt Swan: Wait...if...Spam is Raven Claw... *looks at normal Swan* You're his brother in your universe...does that mean...? (Swan looks away sadly)

Alt Swan: Oh.....Oh god..... Alt Timber: *puts his hand on Alt Swan's shoulder* Good lord...poor kid....

Swan: It's okay...I've...made peace with it by this point...just because he's my brother...that won't stop me from taking him down...

Alt Timber: *softly to himself* Note to self, don't lay a single claw on the other version of your younger brother, cause that might.....trigger some things.....i think.

Alt Coral: *trying to change the subject* Uh...what about me? What am I like in your universe?

Hound: Oh! Um....you're just....a guy.....that does things......At least you were akumaized once. :/ Alt Coral: ......Tell the other version me to become the THIRD damsel in distress! Alt Coral: Cause if I'M involved in Akuma stuff, HE has to as well! >:(

(Alt Cyber and Leo take a sip of water) Leo: Well, our buddy Gavin had to save you once, as Inferno Wing. He's a badass phoenix. (Alt Cyber chokes on his water and Alt Leo does a spit take)

Alt Cyber and Alt Leo: WHAT?!

Leo: O_O What? Alt Leo: DID YOU SAY PHOENIX?! AS IN THE MYTHICAL PHOENIX MIRACULOUS?!

Leo: Uhhh.....yeah?

Alt Cyber: You...You FOUND it?! AND you found a suitable holder for it?!

Hound: Yeah! And we found the other four Mythical Miraculouses too! Leo: We had search the WHOLE world just to find them all!

(Alt Cyber and Leo look like the universe has just been changed before their eyes) Alt Leo: ...oh my god...holy shit...oh my god... Alt Cyber: They're really out there...after all this time...they're out there...

Owl: I can assume you didn't know they were out there, did you?

Alt Cyber: After they disappeared we...we thought the worst! We focused on keeping the other Miraculous safe and hoped that the Mythical ones wouldn't fall into Raven's hands, but now...! Now if we can find them...! Alt Leo: We can kick Raven's ass!!

Alt Tiger: Woah *to the other holders* So there's five of them?! Dasher: Yep! They're the Dragon, Phoenix, Griffon, Nine Tailed Fox, and Unicorn Miraculouses! They're VERY powerful! Alt Coral: .....Holy shit they're the Legendaries of the Miraculous! 0_0

Timber: Yeah; it was an ordeal, but we split up and went traveling and managed to find them all\

Alt Natura: ......Now i'm kinda excited for when WE do it ourselves! :3c

Alt Tiger: Yeah! Going on a worldwide mission just to find the Mythical Miraculous! >:3

Alt Cyber: Well, I think that about wraps it up for universe differences. Now, we should probably figure out how you got here and find a way to send you back

Leo: Oh! That's.....kinda easy? Cause....an akuma sent us here!

Hound: Yeah, our Raven's akumas kinda have a THING for alternate dimensions or pocket dimensions; we just gotta beat up the akuma and poof!

Alt Natura: ....Huh, we kinda had OUR fair share of pocket dimensions from time to time but.....really? YOUR Raven Claw does this kind of thing A LOT with his akumas? 0_0 Alt Coral: Didn't knew Alternate Spammy boy had a thing for a vacation in another world -3-

Leo: Yeah, and we've had quite a few romps through YOUR head because of it, Jane.

Alt Natura: O_O You....you...what?!

Hound: Yep. Akumas that for whatever reason chose YOU to drag us through dreams, thoughts, fanfics, and whatever, and I'm shocked we don't have grey hairs from the weird-ass shit we've been through in there!

Alt Natura: HEY! Don't judge ME for what goes on in MY brain! I don't even wanna know WHY they chose me for y'all to go through MY mind! I got some creative space in my head and you ain't judging it! >:(

Swan: *softly* I liked the My Little Pony cartoon crossover...

Alt Natura: *looks at Swan with wide eyes* You saw.....Sonic X-Over?! My large fictional world where EVERY fictional media exists in one world?! 0_0 Swan: *shrinks* Um.....y-yes....? Alt Natura: *slowly looks at Alt Cyber* ....Is there a pillow nearby?

(Alt Cyber hands her a pillow from the couch)

(She holds onto it, and then she covers her face with the pillow and screams loudly into it)

Alt Swan: Now I'm kinda curious about this... :/c

Alt Natura: *peeks from the pillow* IF YA WANT ME TO MAKE A 50+ PAGE ESSAY ABOUT THE LORE AND STUFF ABOUT IT, BE MY GUEST. *hides back in the pillow* Alt Swan: ....Ooooookay then....0_0'

Alt Cyber: Aaaaaanyway, what does this akuma look like? The one who sent you here?

Leo: Umm.....he looked like....some tall.....dark dude....who wore like this....weird hybrid of Darth Vader and anime villain clothes.....and he had this obsidian stone on his chest, and he had like...this deep tone. I-It was like a second villain for us or something!

Alt Cyber: Alright, that shouldn't be too hard to spot; hopefully Raven Claw doesn't send another akuma our way while we look

Alt Leo: Yeah! The LAST thing we need is a little akuma blocking our way of getting you guys home!

(They all take to the city and look for the akuma)

(Meanwhile in Alt Raven Claw's lair...)

Alt Raven: Well well well, this is a surprise. Two Leos, two Cybers, two Owls and two Swans; twice the vermin

Alt Raven: Even with the increased numbers of heroes, it still won't matter to me, as long as I get what i desire!

(He glances behind him where the trinity is chained to the wall, all three of them barely awake) Alt Raven: Maybe this time they'll have the guts to come for you; not like they care. They don't even know you, after all.

Alt Raven: *walks towards them* If they do manage to try to save you, i won't let them take you all away. *looks at Max* especially you~ *brushes his hand on Max's cheek*

Max: *weakly moves away* ...fuck off...

Alt Raven: Oh i won't....you and your two brothers are in my grasp for the rest of your lifes.....well....unless those Miraculous Holders barge in and take you away from me.....but i won't let that happen....

(The three brothers slump weakly as Raven Claw walks back to his perch, watching the holders)

Alt Raven: It'll be interesting to mess with these....new holders.....i don't even care that they're from another world, i just wanna see how far i can go to make them break into my hands... >:)

(Back with the holders, Leo slows to a stop as Raven Claw's lair is seen in the distance)

Alt Leo: *softly* I can see it...!

Leo: *softly* Max...Philip...Sebastian...I...I can't leave them in there with HIM...!

(Suddenly, Leo starts to pick up the pace, his eyes locked on Raven Claw's lair)

Cyber: Leo?! Where are you going?! (In the lair) Alt Raven: Well look at that! *glances at the trinity* Someone cares for you after all!

Philip: *weakly* W-What...?

Alt Raven: *ignores him* Is this my Leo or the other Leo? It must be the other; MY Leo would never be this reckless; now I wonder...what kind of holders am I dealing with? >:3c

(Back with the holders, Leo is running towards Raven Claw's lair) Alt Coral: *looks at everyone* Well don't just STAND there! Catch that kid! *runs after him*

Cyber: Leo, get back here! Leo: Just hang on guys...I'm coming!

(The Miraculous Holders chase after Leo, following right behind him)

(Leo reaches the lair and burst through the door and starts looking for the trinity)

Leo: GUYS!! WHERE ARE YOU?! WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT BIRD BRAIN TOOK YOU?!?!

(Leo runs upstairs just as the others reach the lair) Alt Leo: Geez, am I this reckless too??

Cyber: Oh you don't even know the HALF of it! -_-

(Leo bound up the stairs on all fours until he reaches the tower and sees the trinity chained to the wall)

Leo: GUYS!!

(Leo runs up to them and scales the wall and starts hacking at the chains with his claws)

Max: *weakly* Who....?

Leo: Oh yeah, you don't know me, but I know YOU guys!! And I'm getting you out of here!

Philip: *weakly* Th-Thank you.....so much.....

Leo: No problem! ???: Oh I wouldn't thank him yet. *Alt Raven descends and hovers before the trinity and Leo* You haven't even gotten onto the ground yet.

Leo: *turns and glares at Alt Raven* You...! >:(

Alt Raven: Yes me, though I don't believe we've formally met. After all, you aren't MY Leo

Leo: Well i certainly know the you from MY world! And you were a PAIN to deal with when YOU turned into an akuma! >:(

Alt Raven: Oh, I was akumatized in your world? That's it? Oh, I got a MUCH better bargain here!

Leo: Yeah, like making the alternate versions of MY BABYSITTERS your prisoners?!

Alt Raven: *small gasp* Your babysitters? Oh how SWEET! *pinches Alt Max's cheek* I didn't think you were type that was good with kids; you surprise me every day!

Max: *weakly* Get the fuck away from me....!

Leo: STOP IT!! *leaps at Alt Raven with his claws*

(Alt Raven dodges)

(He grabs Leo by the tail and holds him upside down) Alt Raven: You really didn't think it'd be that easy, did you?

Leo: *struggles* PUT ME DOWN!!

Alt Raven: I'm dissappointed; surely you've fought with your Raven Claw before, I expected you to be smarter than that. (spins him around by the tail and throws him straight up into the air before flying up and grabbing him by the neck)

Leo: ACK!

Alt Raven: Ugh, pitiful. ???: PUT HIM DOWN!! (Cyber and the others enter the tower)

Alt Raven: Oh THERE you all are! I was wondering if you all stayed back for me to SLAUGHTER this little kitty cat of yours! >:)

Alt Leo: Put the other me down! And quite calling me Kitty cat!! >:(

Alt Raven: Well, HE tried to set my prisoners free! And i won't let ANYONE take them away from me... *tightens his grip on Leo's neck*

(Leo chokes and pedals his feet) (Everyone gets ready to fight)

Alt Timber: This wolf is ready to tear apart this bird into PIECES! >:(

(Both Swans draw their swords and fly up to strike)

(They slash their swords at Alt Raven)

(Raven dodges while still somehow holding onto Leo) Alt Raven: Now that's more like it! >:)

Alt Timber: Oh is THAT what you want eh? *unsheathes claws* Then we'll show ya! *to Timber* Let's beat this bitch to the ground! >:(

Timber: Never thought I'd say this to you, but HELL YEAH!! *they jump up and join the fight*

(Both Timbers slash their claws on Alt Raven)

Owl: *gestures to the trinity* Let's get those three down!

Alt Owl: Yeah!

(The two Owls, Hound, and Alt Leo, and Alt Coral, Tiger and Natura hack at the chains, while the two Cybers join the fight)

Alt Natura: Just stay still, we'll get you down! (Alt Tiger uses her claws to hack the chains)

(They eventually break through and gently catch them before lowering them to the ground)

Alt Owl: Now they're free! Owl: Almost, we need to get them out of Raven Claw's clutches!

Alt Coral: You three still with us?

(The trinity stir)

Alt Tiger: Hey, can you hear us?

Max: ......Erk......are......are we free.......?

Alt Coral: Almost! Though we took longer than we probably should have...

Alt Coral: Heh heh.....sorry made you guys wait longer than we should have..... Alt Natura: We should've saved you as soon as we found out...

Alt Tiger: But we got you now! And we're not letting you go

Philip: .....Thank.....you......

(The two Owls and Alt Coral carry them, being the biggest and head for the exit) Owl: *to the others* We got them! Let's go!

Alt Cyber: Almost! *sends a large thunder shock to Alt Raven, which hits and causes him to let go of Leo*

(Cyber catches him and Leo coughs) Cyber: You stupid boy...

Dasher: Alright, NOW we got everybody! Let's go!

(They give Alt Raven one last hit before making a break for it) Alt Tiger: He's NOT gonna be happy when he finds his favorite prisoners gone!

Alt Natura: Yeah, and we'll make sure he doesn't re-capture them again!

Alt Cyber: That won't be easy; he's relentless!! Hound: Uh, we might have an idea of how to fix that, but let's get away first! *they run out of the lair*

(They run out of the lair and leap towards the rooftops, going far away from Raven's lair)

Alt Natura: Should we take them to a hospital? Alt Leo: No, that'll be the first place he'll look! We'll take them back to our place!

Alt Timber: Good idea!

(They run to Alt Cyber and Leo's apartment and put the trinity in a room to rest)

Alt Leo: *sighs* Now with that out of the way.....NOW we'll focus on finding that akuma and getting you all home!

Leo: Yeah, and by the way, hear me out on this...since those three are pretty much on your Raven's hit-list...maybe you should make them holders

(Alt Cyber and Alt Leo’s eyes widened) Alt Leo: Wait, really?! Alt Cyber: A-Are you sure? After everything they went through?!

Cyber: It sounds unconventional but...they went through almost the same thing in our universe. Virus wasn't going to stop hunting them, and they only way to protect them and for them to protect themselves, was by making them holders. Leo: We kinda did it without our guardian's permission though... Hound: Unless they're meant to be the Jane and Kirsty of YOUR universe and get kidnapped/held hostage every other week

Alt Natura and Alt Tiger: HEY!! >:(

Alt Cyber: That...does seem to be the safest option... Alt Leo: Yeah, then we don't have to keep an eye on them all the time

(Alt Cyber and Alt Leo head towards the shelf where they keep all their Miraculous and open all the shelves that hold the Miraculous)

Leo: *softly* I can't wait to see which ones they pick for them...

(After a while, Alt Cyber and Alt Leo come back, holding the Grasshopper, Shark, and Sheep Miraculous)

Alt Cyber: I suppose once they recover, we'll see if they're willing to do this Alt Tiger: Woo! New teammates!

Alt Natura: Yeah! :D

Alt Timber: And while we wait for that, let's find us an akuma!

Hound: Yeah!

(They all head out again; eventually, they manage to spot the akuma)

Dasher: There He is!

Alt Tiger: Charge! >:D

(All the Miraculous Holders charge towards against the Akuma, but as soon as they got close, the Akuma sends out a wave of darkness towards them, knocking them back)

Alt Leo: OW! Not cool!

Obsidian: Why hello there Miraculous Holders, good to see you all...

Obsidian: I see you've made some new friends from this universe

Leo: No shit Sherlock!

Hound: As cool as this has been, we wanna go home, thanks!

Alt Coral: Yeah, Mr. Edgy McEdgyson has the train to get back to Normalvile for these guys!

Dasher: Yeah, so let's get that akuma already!! (They start to fight)

(They gave it everything they got against the Akuma, while dodging the Akuma’s powerful attacks)

(Eventually, both Cybers blast Obsidian with a double lightning blast and both Leo's jump on him and find the akuma)

Leo: Where is it? Where is it?!

Alt Leo: Here!! *grabs it and throws it to Alt Tiger who smashes it*

(A black bird flies out)

(Cyber purifies it and stops before restoring the damage)

Cyber: *sighs* Thank you.....for helping us...

Leo: Good luck on your own Miraculous journey

Alt Leo: It was nice seeing you all! Alt Cyber: Agreed. Alt Natura: Big group hug before you go? :3

Hound: Aww sure!

(They all gather around for a group hug)

Alt Tiger: Miraculous fam stays fam throughout all universes! X3c

Owl: *chuckles* Agreed, no matter who holds the Miraculous and who is the guardian, we are all family! :)

(They eventually break the hug)

Alt Coral: *starts to tear up* Oh god....I’m gonna miss you guys! :’(

Dasher: Same here!

Alt Natura: *to Cyber and Leo* Make sure our alternate versions of ourselves in your world stay safe! Hopefully :/

Leo: Aw don't worry, we may act annoyed, but we love 'em

Alt Tiger: Aww! <3

Alt Timber: *to Swan* Hey, I don't say this too often, but kick my other self's ass real good for me, okay?

Swan: I will! And I’ll make it EXTRA hard! Just for you! ;)

Alt Timber: That's my other dimensional little brother! :)

Swan: Heh heh! <3

Cyber: Thank you again. Now...Restore the Damage!

(Cyber releases a ring of electricity and they vanish from their world) Alt Natura: I’m gonna miss them... ;(

Alt Tiger: Me too... :(

Alt Coral: We all do man, we all do... ;(

(Meanwhile, the originals end up back in their city) Owl: *closes his eyes and feels the air* Ah, now THIS is the universe I recognize

Leo: Woo! We’re back! :D

Hound: Home sweet home!

Dasher: Yep! <3

(Just then they see the trinity walking down the sidewalk) Sebastian: Hey guys! You just poofed outta nowhere! Fight an akuma? Leo: GUYS!! :D *he transforms back and glomps all three of them*

Philip: Woah! Max: Hey! What’s with the hug kid?!

Jeremy: Aw man, we went to some weird alternate dimension and I REALLY missed you guys!!

Sebastian: You did?!

Jeremy: Yeah! Raven Claw had captured you guys, Cy and I were hundreds of years old, Kirsty and Jane were holders, and it...it was SO weird but awesome at the same time!

(The Trinity blinked) Philip: Um... O_O Sebastian: We were captured?! D:

Jeremy: Yeah, cause get this; in that universe, Raven Claw...was Vincent!

Trinity: WHAT?!

Jeremy: I know right???

Philip: V-Vincent as Raven Claw?! Good....Good lord, that’s horrifying! O_O

Max: Great, I'm NEVER sleeping again now!

Max: Thanks a LOT kid -_-

Jeremy: Aw c'mon, he's Raven Claw that means he CONSTANTLY loses! Plus, when we left, we had saved you AND Cy's alternate self was gonna give you Miraculous!

Sebastian: Oh, really? :0c

Jeremy: Yeah! So don't worry, you guys are fine over there!

Philip: Well....good to know.

Jeremy: Yeah... *hugs them again* Feels like it's been forever since I've hugged you guys...

Sebastian: Awww, Jere-Bear! *hugs back*

[horriblegif]

LEVEL DRAMA 50

It’s not usually our style to respond to artworld dramas in any medium longer than a few tweets. They’re never particular exciting beyond the unholy fascination akin to watching some rats fight over a headless cockroach on the floor of a Subway. Moreover, they’re usually confined to a pattern - think of a writer publishing some text on something which upsets people by association and then using his/her social media to promote that text, thusly charging the gravitational pull of indignation and buying space for a pop-up arena of combative discourse below. An example of this would be Art in America’s 2014 piece ‘The Perils of Post-Internet Art’ by Brian Droitcour, itself a wavering diet-summation of a genre that seemed to evolve out of increasing access to technological means of image making and also began to historicise itself simultaneously. Weird right!!? Predictably, arguments followed on social media with responses from implicated parties and sideliners, running the gamut of indignant whiny rebuttal to carefully oriented endorsement. There’s a lot of wiggle room for staking out narratives, personalising them, claiming them or discrediting others, in other words a divine gift to every editorial intern for glossy art magazines that are half full of adverts for luxurious things and half full of tiny texts about arts beginning and ending with the authors name. Qualitative judgement and criticism in the Greenbergian sense is even more obsolete, obsolete accelerated, block-chained and stacked. The modern critique exercise garners no adhesion to the contemporary artscape even as an arse-aching literary nostalgia throwback. Old platforms haven’t all died and new platforms are not always replacing them, but reflective mediations serve commonplace delight regardless of the impossibility to predict.

Brexit and Trump, among many other unkind reminders given up to cultural onlookers, prove that despite our illusions of a slogging but mobile transition towards rectifying centuries of inherent vices within civilisation, there are still a lot of racists around. Not all supporters of Trump might have been racist, but nevertheless they did support one. Not all supporters of Brexit might have been racist, but the rise of hate crime against foreigners post-referendum says enough. Life goes on, whatever post-rationalised narrative you believe is the causation of this crisis in the west and until we’re in a full-blown totalitarian regime we have choices to resist without putting our lives at stake. These resistances can be boycotts, mild political integration or volunteering, adding to body count at protests, whatever.

The slightly shit TV adaptation of The Man In High Castle, which roughly follows a similar format to the Phillip K. Dick source material, does one thing quite well. It shows how many people can adapt or exist quite easily to life under fascism. Obviously the people that do are within regime-defined parameters of acceptable, something that Trump/May and the ukip scum keep trying to define with immigrants (first them, then us all). Most of the denizens of the art scene will not cease to exist, despite the general idea that fascist government wasn’t great for most art/artists. Over half of us fit into those parameters already! Futurism had a pretty big old boner for violence! But we think, given the tragedies within industrialised memory and after the late 60s that art is predominantly a progressive, liberal thing. Okay it has structural problems with insane gender and race bias, but that’s work in progress. As a concept, art galleries or institutions are not seen as part of a mechanism of state-sanctioned harm. Something like that, right? It’s the artists we turn to in dark times to offer cultural reflection and symbology for resistance. Yeah m9, not really so much.  Post-vetements overstyled white art males of the curatoriat continue to offer smug “everything is shit” commentary in which they can never be proved wrong. Declining to offer any meaningful critique of tories/republicans but always ready with a hatchet for liberals when they fail. Staying aloof, hand wringing and never forced to contemplate more than jokes about self-employed artist tax returns or some hot take post-potato. Other artists who proclaim radical actions and aesthetics go on to exhibit at art fairs, work with commercial galleries and operate easily within a cultural exchange network built on un-unionised work and cheap labour. An independent project space goes commercial, takes money for anyone, talks about feminism but hangs out with Anita Zabludowicz on her Venice Biennale yacht. Curator does interview and talks about the nature of rigorous critique, but freaks out when it is suggested that putting only their mates in an arts council funded exhibition might be something that is twatty. Pointing out hypocrisy and bad art practices become anti-art, hatin’, jealousy or some kind of trolling without good faith (what trolling with good faith is, please tell us on a postcard addressed to BBC FOUR, PO BOX 80085, Arsequake Kingdom). Artists are not only often creepily “libertarian” but, in the case of LD50 Gallery, sometimes outright mini-fascists.

At this juncture we finally arrive at the point of this longform rant. LD50, a small project space in dalston junction, had some exhibitions of questionable taste and arrangement in recent months. The alt-right exhibit it staged using scavenged parts of the aesthetic and philosophical matter online wasn’t immediately partisan on the surface. It could have been bad satire, it could have been one of those things many adult-child digital artists do where they incorporate the very thing they critique. Obviously the depraved chasm which 4chan and allotments of reddit are located in is morbidly fascinating, to someone who feels they’re on an important media archaeology tip even moreso. Despite the Hitler quotes coupled with anime motifs and other bizarre conflations of alt-right imagery, the show itself didn’t offer a concrete position. This is a commonplace exhibition model that allows “racy” subject matter to be presented with critical immunity, because the art moves to within a viewers praxis. More often this is used with cultural appropriation, where a white artist will extract reference points and framing devices from culture they do not belong to and situate the art itself on the intersection of their gaze, etc etc. So the art is about the white gaze on other culture, that way it removes itself from, at best, being accused of ignoring postcolonial theory or, at worst, just being mildly racist. Very meta though, and you can extract 2000 words from meta quite easily. With the benefit of hindsight plus a screenshot of a private fb conversation, it became obvious the curiosity with the alt-right wasn’t coolly detached in the LD50 show. Given the social media output of LD50 runs along moaning lines about the apolitical nature of net artists and glib rejoinders to political/social occurances, strangely they might have found the blazing political net art they were looking for… just the bad kind of politics. HEY, bad is a construct in art that is irrelevant after postmodernism and pop art, so who is to say it is bad? It’s just neo-reactionary. Sounds like the working title of a group of Final Fantasy rebels. These dodgy politics weren’t always so clear, even in that classic uncertain/ironic way, so it’s possible it was a slippery slope slodden down.

As said in the beginning of this longform rant, the social media microdramas of the art cottage industry aren’t very interesting in themselves beyond the sorry online appearances of calculated hostility and contrived artjoke acumen. But with artist Sophie Jung posting in a public way a ‘call-out’ to a curator of a gallery holding quite dodgy fascist views, the fallout is more interesting than the usual bruised/inflated egos or comment flame wars. The gallery itself has responded by “archiving” the post and all the comments on the main page, as doxing (a strategy of online shaming perfected by the alt-right) bait to sentient pepe memes and twitter eggs. It’s an obfuscatory and aloof reaction, one that shows particular acumen to online psychological skirmishing. Take away the veneer of irony and you see only a few slimy individuals toying with repugnant ideas that most good artists would give no merit, even as illusory discourse.

Is it right to call out someone by posting private convos? Well, check the gallery events and talks - they were pretty public (albeit small and within purposely obfuscating platforms) call outs to those neon genesis authoritarians. A lighter discourse than “is it ok to punch a nazi?” but no less annoying. Of course the answer is yes. Do you argue the inverse that the alt-right should be given platforms? Do you agree with the BBC giving airtime to UKIP but not the Green Party, who have existed for longer/have more members/more elected MPs/have actually run a fucking area of the country? Logic has associations, and while you can spin them away, we fucking see you. The alt-right would legislate for the structural, hidden bureaucratic violence against non-white/foreign people but it is not OK to punch them? They’d happily punch you. It can be so easy if it doesn’t affect you, or to think it wouldn’t, to think that exposing their bullshit is better. Hindenburg thought Hitler wouldn’t be as evil when he finally was given power, the tories seemed to think appeasing the UKIP types was the best way to keep themselves in power. Fuck m9, punch tories AND nazis if you can get away with it. Yeah, if you can back it up, calling people out on something as basic as nazi sympathies is OK. Why did it take so long to be called out on? The alt-right are super zeitgeisty right now and net art dorks are into that because it can be processed into smug “political” diatribe and gestural academica. Things within the art gallery mechanica are afforded un-anchored critical protection at least until the management are revealed to think the muslim ban is fine.

It’s creepy that artist who have exhibited there previously, such as the fantastic Joey Holder and John Russell, weren’t aware of the dodgy politics. Some probably were, such as the Brad Troemel replica dubiously created by AMC network Deanna Havas. Some, like confused net art bro who makes net art that is a bit fash Daniel Keller coyly sits on the fence, crashing a nice-guy routine who isn’t allowed to be sexist. Sad! Other obsessive high grade opinion-merchants like Daniel Rourke attempt to turn everything into irony, glib spectator drama etc. In our limited capacity of visiting LD50 a couple of times for exhibitions and being involved in an event unrelated to the programming, it never was apparent to us there was batshit mental “eugenics isn’t such a bad idea” mind thematic brewing. We have to get used to being surprised in 2016 and 17, though complicit white men wriggling to force jokes out of “paleoconservatism” or something has stopped being surprising since 2007. 

So all in all, it’s weird that Lucia Diego and by extension her gallery LD50 are so hot on nazi sympathisers or validating bigots. It’s less weird that a number of friends and collaborators gained before this right turn are just enjoying the spectacle as another performative event. Writer and curator Morgan Quaintance has written about the apolitical nature of the post-internet artist flotilla, the retreat into speculative reality depletes the apparatus to draw ethical lines and instead propels the artist/writer/whatever to pursue “gaming” the system instead. The autumn programming should be a public shame in itself, but the convo screenshot blew away clouds of doubt by direct admittance. But many white women still voted for Trump despite the “grab ‘em by the pussy” recording. Such is the dark art of spin. However, beyond LD50, this isn’t the first art gallery or curator with extreme ring wing views, no fucking shit. You’re aware the Zabludowicz Collection was built with arms dealing money, donates money to the tories and donates money to pro-israel lobby groups, right? To quote artist Patrick Goddard:

“Its been happening for some time and unfortunately artists and their work continue to be instrumentalized by ‘philanthropists’ with darker purposes and dirtier-than-usual money.

The Zabludowicz Collection is an artwashing operation designed to legitimate Israel’s systematic refusal of rights to Palestinians. (along with the BICOM lobbying group – also set up and funded by Zabludowicz money)

Zabludowicz’s strategy is part of a global shift to the right, and very much anticipates the US and UK state assault on arts funding, forcing culture increasingly to function as a vehicle of the right. Furthermore Poju Zabludowicz gives significant donations to the conservative party and a select few pro-Israeli Labour candidates. (Ruth Smeeth being a notable recipient of BICOM money – who kicked off the anti-Corbyn claims of anti-Semitism last year)”

The director of ZC doesn’t espouse any political opinion though, just a disturbingly banal desire to be press-shotted with artists and to fly around the world looking at arts. Their programming does not reflect the mechanism that the foundation operates, which apparently complicates the issue for artists enough that any mea culpa is fine. It looks like until some outright admission of fascist tendencies is made from the primary source, everything is up in the air conceptually. Another question is a worrying route into a sort of McCarthyism, where everyone who works with a place of dodgy politics is “besmirched” by association and the trend of the left attacking their own allies is further proof to right-wing nutcases like LD50 that post-internet art is trash. We can assume some people had suspicions of this gallery at the beginning, but no confirmation appeared in the absolute until the alt-right lovefest. Fair enough, net art people are often very weird anyway (which is fine!). Do you think the ZC doesn’t do similar things with Zionist interests, but without a programme of talks and some art to accompany it? Heather Phillipson, in a Nov 2016 interview with Adrian Searle says, and we quote ‘My next work will be furious. Fascism is on my doorstep’. Heather Phillipson has frequently worked with ZC beyond just exhibiting some work there. We really are at a loss to understand this kind of blindspot, how endemic it is among white artists in western cities. But without any provocation of fascist rhetoric it is unfair to start singling out artists and mudslinging - though we welcome all explanations as to how Heather Phillipson can be angry about fascism but be uncritical of an organisation that… ugh, just re-read what Patrick Goddard wrote. Research it, it’s not fucking secret. The mucus membrane between act and operation, is it that hard to see through? Is it really a massive, Trumpian stone wall? Would artists be ready to form a picket line outside LD50 if Richard Spencer was invited to speak? Even more neoliberal art apologists might refute that method of protest. Imagine the local community of Dalston Junction will hate artists in general even more if they notice white supremacist conferencing being held in a gallery. As if gentrification wasn’t enough! Do we all want to be associated with this kind of thing? Jake and Dinos Chapman are big fans of Nick Land and have shown work at LD50. The Chapmans are standard conservative reactionary britart hangover troll fossils. It’s embarrasing.The Guardian Newspaper employs a similar coterie of journalists that soften the dangerous ideologies of May/Trump et al. by zoning in and selectively extrapolating miniature nuggets of “leftism” (such as Trump’s opposition to TTIP) all the while crowing “he’s a monster he’s a monster but….”  and looking at their political games with the detachment of an old cunt with a southwest london mansion who enjoys playing chess on their Gateway 2000 PC, their only brush with anything “liberal” being time spent in a minor theatre company during youth.

If you’re an artist doing some part-time teaching at art schools, tell your students about this! Make sure they don’t enter into the post BA/MA world as apolitical vessels thirsty for a myth-made-real version of ideologically dubious expression, based on a default assumption that artists are sympathetic to labour. If you don’t teach, perhaps consider it a good way to pay for those easyJet flights to European museums or Rat Basel Miami, unless you are too busy arguing about how Adam Curtis is the anti-christ while Theresa May closes our borders to the refugees of wars our state was implicit in funding or operating in. Understand that complications arise when the main financial sponsor of Frieze Art Fair is also the bank of choice for the Trump family. Maybe you avoid the Deutschebank events if you’re exhibiting there, because wouldn’t that compromise your ideology? If you’re in a union, make sure you vote for a union director who isn’t pro-trident. Write to your MP, don’t just screenshot your ‘delete my uber’ account dissertation. It’s OK to criticise your peers, hold them to account for some kind of progressive standard of ethics but piling hate onto an old lefty is not productive when you’re both just trying to unpick capitalist lineage to better understand power and it’s movements. JJ Charlesworth, a writer of ArtReview is a essentially a lobbyist for Tory interests, negging on cultural boycotts or protests against hate-speech! Evidence is in his dodgy slightly-closed-closet-door bigot attitudes, I’m sure lots of people have screenshots of a trans bashing comment or something that betrays a concience. But he might review your shows, has a family, so let him have his tory views in peace, right and don’t forget the afterparty invite. Manick Govinda, an Ayn Rand lovin’ brexiter working in an artists development studio?? What the fuck do you think will happen down the line? Because when they face criticism they complain that their comments receive criticism as a result of the “left” being the “real” threat to “free speech” it should worry you, despite the trenchant desire within your loins to be knighted by their credible notice, or whatever pressure boost your economy-of-prestige fueled trajectory needs for the sake of yr neuroses.

Now LD50 is out of the bag as too right-wing for the art world to swallow without criticism, but people still will fight over how it is bad to post private convos and publicly ‘out’ people even if a few months before they had a fucking anti-semite skyping in. And that will still be spun with tailored words.

Because a lot of us in the London art scene are white and generally not on the breadline of poverty we’re kind of unaffected by LD50s fascism, there is a reluctance to stake out a vocal position because we’re taught to court ambiguity as successful methodology, or something like that. The non-position position, the entrepreneurial cloak, logic mazes eating themselves as the apex form to attitude. The gallery have since changed their trading name to TIVERSE LTD but their prognosis can’t be long-term survival, unless their instagram weirdness really galvanises the turncoats and creeps or finds some very rich David Ike fanboy to invest. Ignoring bad smells is never a great idea, our whole biological purpose of smell to detect invisible malaise and thus act upon removing the harm it can do to our bodies. Not the most high-brow parallel, can we get a point across without retweeting our twitter bot making garbled Bifo and Deleuze references?

What is the fear that forces us to hold back on committing to our views… views that SHOULD by default be progressive, inclusive and reformative? It’s not fucking Serpico, it’s art, but the stakes aren’t wildly different. Beyond art, a place in Dalston has offered those with academic fascist sympathies a place to organise. How is that anything but awful?

[roselightfairy]

This is super duh and I'm sorry its so duh, but... Finding a Voice (but also Light Into Grey because angst).

Also Velle.

But mostly FAV.

I gave you many things because we have talked about many things so find me a secret

(In response to this)

Let's be honest here - I'd be more surprised to not be associated with Finding a Voice above all. It's duh for a reason, after all!

Let's see . . . I don't know how much of a secret this is, but I was incredibly anxious while writing and posting this story. It was the longest, most ambitious project I'd ever written; it was one of my first forays into LOTR fic, a fandom which I found really intimidating because how how the source material is; I kept feeling like I was faking everything I was writing and writing a story that wasn't mine to tell - and I was in my fourth year of college, which did not help. I wasn't initially intending to post it at all, in fact; I was just writing it because I personally wanted to see it and I had accepted that no one else was going to write it for me. I still don't know what did prompt me to post, but as soon as I did I'd be shaky all day, worrying people would hate the latest chapter, worrying people would tell me how wrong I was. Every comment that validated the story felt like it was validating my whole existence, though, and thus began the feedback-as-drug spiral. So I guess it's a pretty common first-fic experience, but sort of ironic (or the opposite of ironic) given its subject.

I don't know if I really have a secret for Light into Gray, and to Velle . . . well.

warning for male genitalia

A secret for Velle is that I wrote the image descriptions used as alt text within the story, and that @deheerkonijn and I had many a good laugh over my inability to describe male anatomy. I took to just putting silly placeholders in there until I could come back and replace them with grown-up words. I don't remember all of them, but one particularly memorable one was "meaty elvish arrow." So now you know that and you can never unknow it; have fun with that knowledge.

Thank you for asking! <3

[webbygraphic001]

20 Best New Portfolios, May 2019

Hello all, as Justin Timberlake once predicted, it is now May. Now that I’ve subjected you to the latest and greatest in boy band jokes from the ‘90s, let’s check out this month’s portfolios.

It should be noted that as I write this, I am working with Internet that I borrowed from my new neighbor (yes, I did ask) and the speed is fairly slow. That’s not a complaint; it’s a warning. It means I’m going to be a lot happier with portfolios that load fast and don’t make me wait behind a preloader…Just sayin’.

Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea, kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

Up Late

Up Late is the one of the best neon-soaked portfolios I’ve come across, because it combines those bright and occasionally-flashing colors with considerable restraint in the rest of the design. The one-page portfolio is going to stick in your head for a while.

The only thing I might change would be to put a maximum width on the little bit of body text there is. At wider resolutions, it can get a bit harder to read.

Platform: WordPress

Raphael Aleixo

Raphael Aleixo’s one-pager is dark, clean, modern, and short, but still manages to make room for a full case study with each project. This is, in my personal opinion, one of the only acceptable ways to use modal screens.

The use of animation is sparing by today’s standards, but that just means the site loads and runs fast while still looking pretty. Extra bonus points all around!

Platform: Static Site

Artëm Tarasov

Artëm Tarasov’s portfolio is modernist and goes hard on the masonry layout. Beyond the home page, it’s all about those classic grid-style lines, and splashes of orange for emphasis. This sort of modernism may not be the most visually exciting of aesthetics, but it’s reliable.

Platform: Custom CMS (I think)

Rifat Najmi

Rifat Najmi has embraced a more classic form of minimalism, and plays into a sort of “design blog aesthetic” that’s all about the typography. Portfolio pieces are displayed like blog posts, which blends them in with the actual blog posts. That might sound a bit confusing, but it actually works rather well.

Just… what in the heck is a “certified design thinking practitioner”?

Platform: WordPress

Graphikconcept

Graphikconcept is a highly PowerPoint-style site, but it’s just that good-looking. The imagery, the geometric lines, the use of color to divide the website into visually distinct sections, I just like it. It’s the kind of graphic-design-heavy website that fourteen-year-old-me always wanted to make.

They made me wait behind a preloader, but it actually loaded pretty quickly. I’m going to give these guys a pass.

Platform: Static Site

Angle2

Angle2 is another presentation-style site, and it plays with angles a lot. You know, like in the name. It leans hard into the geometry, especially with the type, and it manages to look a little bit chaotic while remaining fairly usable.

It’s smooth, it’s pretty, and every page is different. No, let me rephrase that… I’m convinced that this is what happens when you give an art director coffee mixed with Red Bull to chase down their Adderall. They presumably designed this, then spent the rest of the week deep-cleaning their house. And I like it.

Platform: Static Site

Psychx86

Speaking of things fourteen-year-old-me would have loved, Psychx86 is totally what I would have named my studio, and possibly my character in any number of MMOs. In this case, it happens to be a snazzy portfolio that is clearly targeted at businesses who like a light touch of space imagery and lovely type.

Platform: Static Site

Contrast Visuals

Contrast Visuals is another portfolio site that leans hard into its name. It’s got black, white, and some video in an asymmetrical layout. It also has, in my opinion, the world’s best one-word navigation bar. It really is a case of less-is-more.

Is it weird that I actually kind of like the little clipart logo that you can chase around the page? I don’t think it’s weird.

Platform: WordPress

Branex

Branex stands out amongst other portfolio sites in its category by embracing color in a big way. And they’ve managed to use a bunch of gradients without overdoing it. And they do darn good-looking case studies.

Look, they’re doing a lot right. It’s like they hit that point in the design process where you think, “It’s good, but it just needs something more.”, and by God I think they found that something.

Platform: Static Site (I think)

Nicholas Jackson

Nicholas Jackson’s portfolio combines a sort of gritty artsy design with elegant minimalism, strong typography, and a great use of yellow. And we all know I’m a sucker for yellow in my web design.

The whole feel is almost like if National Geographic got a bit of a makeover. This especially holds true in the case studies. They’re laid out a bit like magazine articles.

Platform: Static Site

Alt Productions

Alt Productions’ site is interesting mostly for its navigation. Don’t get me wrong, I like the solid type and solid blues, but I really like the way what happens when you want to view a director’s work.

Well, you get to see their work, which is obvious, but when you’re done, you just scroll down and it takes you right back to the menu of directors. It’s simple, intuitive, and it saves clicks and mouse movement. The only potential downside is that users might get lost a couple of times before they get used to it.

Platform: Static Site

Aleksandr Yaremenko

Aleksandr Yaremenko’s portfolio brings us a touch of classic monochromatic elegance mixed with… emoji? I wouldn’t have thought of that, but the effect brings a touch of playfulness to an otherwise dead-simple experience.

Platform: Static Site

Kutia

Kutia is another one of those sites I wish I’d built when I was younger. Smooth gradients, super “techy” type, green Matrix filters on the imagery. Very junior designer me is in love!

Another thing I like is the call to action on the homer page. They encourage interaction by asking, “What can we help you with?”, and providing a number of potential responses. Sure, all roads lead to the contact page, but it helps customers get an idea of what this agency can do for them.

Platform: WordPress

Vincent Saïsset

Vincent Saïsset’s portfolio brings us some more lovely monochrome goodness, with thick type, and smooth animation that just feels right. It’s creative, it’s pretty, it’s good.

Platform: Custom CMS (Maybe)

Steven Hanley

Steven Hanley’s portfolio is made up of two things, pretty much: typography, and animation. Oh there’s imagery, but it takes a back seat to big words, and shifting color palettes until you actually click on a portfolio piece. All in all, it’s pleasant to look at and browse through. Can you ask for more?

Platform: Static Site

EVOXLAB

Now I know I talk about PowerPoint-style sites a bit, but EVOXLAB takes this concept to the next level. They went out of their way to make every section of their one-page portfolio look like an actual presentation slide. Thing is, for the way their content is set up… it really works.

Some of the text is a bit small in the “About Us” section, but otherwise, this design is kind of like a fun trip down memory lane, without all the Flashbacks. (Sorry.)

Platform: Static Site

Rumsey Taylor

Rumsey Taylor’s portfolio is interesting in that Rumsey’s featured work is linked to throughout paragraphs of regular copy text. It’s not the only portfolio to do this, but it does have its own twist on the formula. Go take a look.

Platform: Static Site

Grégoire Mielle

Grégoire Mielle’s portfolio is a semi-presentational site with some 3D graphics thrown into the mix. The fancy schmancy animation leads into a fairly standard but beautifully rendered minimalist layout.

The only thing I’d change would be to give the 3D graphics a little more contrast for those whose screens aren’t calibrated right.

Platform: Static Site

Chaptr

Chaptr is one of those portfolios that goes hard with the “default link blue”, or at least a very similar blue. While I’ve seen and featured a number of sites like that over the years, they still stand out because it seems like a lot of other designers are trying so hard to get away from that particular color.

In addition to loving the blue, I like how on various pages, scrolling will bring different elements into and out of focus, giving you one small chunk of content to digest at a time. It’s a simple effect, but it’s powerful.

Platform: WordPress

Iteo

Iteo presents us with a very business-friendly, yet still lovely aesthetic, with a focus on sans-serif type, and a lot of blue and orange thrown in to spice up the white backgrounds.

The whole thing just screams “modern”, but it’s still tasteful. In particular, I like the animated illustrations that are slightly reminiscent of blueprints. I also like that they add their own elements to the stock photos they use on their blog. It shows they put time and effort into everything they do.

Platform: Hugo

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