#sperrys with no socks is the only way to wear sperrys

[dtpreek]

Can people send me pics of guys in sperrys boat shoes my time line is no just flip flops 😩😭

[luvdsc]

let’s play pretend.

what if we’re in love? haha, just kidding... unless?

pairing :: na jaemin x reader genre :: fluff / best friend + college au word count :: 1,552 words warnings :: none playlist :: talk too much (coin) ⋆ face (woosung) ⋆ pretend (bad suns) ⋆ la belle femme (hunny) ⋆ love you like crazy (taeyeon) author’s note :: best f2l is the ultimate trope sorry i don’t make the rules

Persistent fratboys at parties are the absolute worst. Already early into the night, you find yourself unable to shake off the latest leech in all his snapback and rayban glory. Why is it that they never back off until you’re forced to lie about a significant other? If you’re lucky, they’ll stop there. It’s quite stupid how they’ll let you go only if you suddenly have a boyfriend, rather than simply understanding that you aren’t interested. Perhaps, they’re too scared to confront how undesirable they actually are.

Literally, nobody wants someone who owns salmon shorts and more button up shirts with palm trees than necessary. Never mind the fact that you’ve seen this guy participate in more forties at four than actually attend his classes sober if he even makes it to your shared A.I. ethics lecture at eight in the morning. And he’s wearing those god awful sperry boat shoes with no socks. Inwardly, you shiver.

Eyes flitting around, you desperately try to see if you can find any one of your friends nearby who can take you out of your misery, but Yeji and Yerim are already mixed in the drunken dancing crowd, and you can’t find Donghyuck or Jeno anywhere. Renjun had been standing with you prior, but he already went home a few minutes ago because he had midterms early tomorrow morning. However, perhaps Lady Luck understands your woes because you spot your best friend coming out of the kitchen.

You quickly grab his arm, pulling Jaemin over. “Sorry, I’m here with him already.”

“This is your boyfriend?” the guy asks skeptically, unabashedly staring at your friend in question.

“Yep. Yes, that’s him. My boyfriend. Love of my life. My other half. His name is Jaemin.”

Jaemin turns to look at you, somewhat confused. You try to send some sort of telepathic message to him, and to your relief, it seems that he understands when you shoot him a look of mixed panic and desperation.

“Yeah, that’s me. I’m the boyfriend. The super significant other.” He reconfirms your answer and returns the male’s stare, giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Great. Nothing says “I love you” more than a common hand signal found on YouTube videos. Maybe you should tell fratboy to hit the subscribe button, too. Subscribe to see more daily mishaps in the life of Y/N and watch as she digs an even deeper hole for herself.

The boy scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest, as he shakes his head in disbelief. You are temporarily distracted, almost impressed even, at how his styled hair doesn’t even move. You really need to know where he gets his hair products.

“Really? It doesn’t seem like it.”

 Slipping his arm around your waist smoothly, Jaemin tugs you closer, and you freeze, pressed up snugly against his side. You really didn’t think this one through. Swallowing hard, you force your body to relax. It’s no big deal, it’s not like you’ve been harboring a crush on your best friend for months and have been trying to get over him for the sake of friendship.

“I don’t know what to tell you, but I’ve been in love with her ever since she fell asleep on me in our macroeconomics class.”

You smile sheepishly as you remember your first meeting, pretending that his words didn’t affect your heart as much as it actually did whilst simultaneously thanking the stars that he was always a quick thinker. His lips quirk up in the corners into that sweet smile you always adore before he presses a tender kiss to your temple that has you going dizzy. Your cheeks warm up as you duck your head, attempting to hide the bashful expression on your face.

“She had on this pale blue fluffy sweater, and she reminded me of a cute baby blue jay. She had a green notebook decorated with corgi stickers and always took really neat notes with this pen that had a flower chain attached to the top and had the prettiest handwriting. I remember thinking to myself, I better take good notes even though I never took notes before, just so I could give them to her as an excuse to talk to her afterwards.”

He absentmindedly draws circles on your hip, making you even more flustered not only from his actions, but also shocked that he remembers all of that even down to the outfit you were wearing. Heck, you didn’t even remember what you wore that day. He gazes at you, smiling fondly, and your breath hitches in your throat. His eyes look so sincere, sparkling under the harsh strobe lights, and if you didn’t know any better, you really thought he may have loved you back. A dull ache starts to form in your chest at that silly daydream. “She looked really cute, leaning against my shoulder like that, and even her snoring was adorable.”

You gasp at that, looking at him indignantly. “I don’t snore!”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, angel. Forgive me?”

He pauses and leans down, his lips millimeters away from yours, before hesitating and lingering there, so close yet so far away. Your heart nearly skips a beat from how naturally the sweet term of endearment slips from his lips and from the close proximity between you and him. From the corner of your eye, you can still see that fratboy standing there. You had almost forgotten he even existed: the sole, annoying cause of your current predicament. To seal the deal and perhaps for a little bit of a selfish reason, you lean forward, closing the distance and grazing your lips against his.

Your hands are on his chest, nervously tugging on the lapels of his jacket, and his are placed on your waist, gently tugging you impossibly closer. You’re quite certain Jaemin can feel how fast your heart is beating with how tight your bodies are now pressed together, but that’s the least of your worries right now. The only thoughts that pop up in your mind is that one, his lips are slightly chapped, yet incredibly soft; two, he’s a very good kisser; and three, mission: “how to get over having a crush on your best friend” is a complete and utter failure.

When you reluctantly pull away from him, his nose nudges yours softly, and your eyes flutter open. He is looking at you with parted lips, hazy eyes, and an indiscernible gaze that causes you to feel a whole colony of butterflies in your stomach. Any words that had come to mind have now flown out the window, and you can’t tear your eyes away from the radiant boy in front of you.

“Maybe we should do that again. Just in case, you know? To really send a message to that douche,” he mutters quietly, his eyes searching yours for confirmation. You give him an almost imperceptible nod, relenting to your heart this time instead of your mind.

It feels as if it’s simply the two of you standing there, the rest of your surroundings fading away and the music slowing down in the background. You look up at him from under your lashes, eyes fluttering close once more. Jaemin presses his mouth against yours firmly this time, with certainty, almost as if he meant it, as if his lips are made solely for kissing yours. And in that moment, you truly believe that he’s in love with you. 

You are dazed, absolutely starstruck, until the two of you break apart, until you remember why this all came to be, and your heart comes crashing back to earth. Those seven minutes in heaven were utterly heavenly in your little bubble of make-believe universe with only you and him. You almost don’t want to open your eyes, but you do, and you find yourself staring back at him.

And just as you’ve always known, Jaemin looks absolutely breath taking, impossibly ethereal, and one hundred percent devastatingly heart wrenching: a modern day Adonis in the flesh. He gives you a shy smile, pretty eyes glimmering as if he stole from the night sky himself. You’re so close that you can count every single long dark lash framing his starry eyes and feel the warmth radiating from his blushing cheeks. His lips are red and slightly swollen, and you feel as if you had just ruined a masterpiece from the Louvre.

Your cherry lip gloss has been smudged onto his lips, and you reach out to carefully wipe it off. He gently catches your hand when you move it away and intertwines his fingers with yours. Your breath hitches in your throat once more, and you admire the way your hand fits perfectly in his for a few stolen moments until the dream is shattered once more and you’re pulled back to reality.

“Thanks, Jaemin. He’s gone now, so you don’t have to pretend to be in love with me anymore,” you mumble softly, slowly pulling your hand away and giving him an apologetic smile.

He reaches out to gently brush his finger tips against the apples of your cheeks before delicately tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear. When you finally dare to meet his eyes, Jaemin is gazing at you with the most tender expression imaginable.

“Who says I was pretending?”

[inpizzawecrust]

Socks & Shoes

hi! i don’t remember the post that inspired this, but what i do know is that i’ve worked in retail for 3-4 years now, meaning this entire post is factual

James

wears regular black and white socks

but they’re mismatched because he never matches up his socks after he does laundry so when he fumbles around for them in the morning, the different brands and the different colors all look the same in the dark

those shoes with outrageous colors and patterns that you look at and say “omg no one would ever buy/wear these” are the ones James wears and rocks, might i add

so custom Converse and custom Vans, the more outrageous patterns the better

Lily

weird about socks because she’ll mismatch them, but always wears no-show socks, so the mismatching thing doesn’t really matter anyway

she’s a Cool Mum ™️ and doesn’t have time for laces so she really only wears slip ons

doesn’t care about the brand, she just buys any and all slip ons

on the off chance she’s not wearing a slip on, she’s wearing classic black high top Converse, i don’t make the rules

Peter

only buys the basic pack of all white Nike crew socks

but he wears them with Sperry’s instead of getting the Sperry socks and it drives Sirius and Remus batshit crazy

also is the type to openly hate on Crocs for years until he’s forced to buy them for a group Halloween costume

he finds them super way too comfortable so he buys more pairs

then continues buying them until they become his favorite shoe to wear, has the regular clog version, a sneaker version, a slip on version, a sandal version until Remus finds all of them and helps Sirius burn get rid of them

it was a dark time, okay, and it takes nearly six months for Pete to recover from the travesty

Remus

such a Converse Guy ™️, like definition of Converse Guy ™️ to a point where it’s not even funny

has Converse in every color, high top and low top

has three different pairs of white high top Converse: one that look pristine and never been worn before, one that are beat up and are so dirty they’re grey but they’re comfortable dammit, and one that he bought specifically for Sirius to draw on those are his favorites

knows a lot about shoes in general for some reason, like more than the average amount, most likely due from being with Sirius for such a long time

not only is he a Converse Guy ™️ , but Remus is 100000% a Sock Guy ™️

he has so many socks, all having different designs and prints, but they always match

his favorite pair are the ones with the stars because Sirius bought them for him and they match the ones he bought for Sirius

Sirius

a fashionista

i feel like that’s enough, but i’ll continue

so sirius has so much knowledge about fashion in general, but he knows A. LOT. about shoes

i’m talking the proper shoe care materials and how to use them, what shoelace length is necessary for different shoes, the different styles of sneakers (running, walking, trail etc etc) the best quality dress shoes based off how they’re made, the size conversion between UK, US, EU—he knows so much,,, again, i don’t make the rules

anywayy, just like he doesn’t have a specific aesthetic, he isn’t necessarily loyal to a specific brand

he has so many Vans, at least different 5 colors of every style

a plethora of Converse, but not as many as Remus because he usually takes Remus’ despite being at least two shoe sizes smaller

so. many. Docs.

super surprising, but he also owns a lot of expensive sneakers just to have them

really nice dress shoes too

super picky about socks, he has to make sure that if he’s wearing brand socks like Vans, Nike, Adidas, etc, they match the shoes he’s wearing (not that anyone knows besides him)

only wears funky/fun socks when he wears Converse because that’s when he dresses like Remus, yes he steals one of Remus’ jumpers to complete the look

and that’s when he wears his socks that are covered in moons that Remus gave him to match the star ones he gave Remus

[prorevenge]

My wannabe fashionista coworker always threw shade at me for being frumpy. She looked frumpier, unemployed!

TL;DR at the bottom

*******

I worked at a popular, high end clothing store while I was in graduate school (I'm an engineer). I won't name the brand, but it's the sort that charged $50 for a pair of male boxer briefs, $200 for a lady's fancy bra, or $400 or more for a pair of jeans, $1,000 or more for those skinny suits that hip guys wear to their job, where the hems of their pants reveal that they're wearing loafers without socks.

The clothes there weren't really my style but the starting pay was two dollars higher than minimum wage, and higher than most of the other, surrounding stores. This was at a rich people shopping center, where lots of people who shop there are wannabe celebrities and constant selfie-takers.

I was surprised to get hired there, but was relieved that I wouldn't have to really do customer service, as I worked only in the stock room. I'd put out clothes on the shelves and racks before and after closing, and also arrange everything in the back to make it organized. I was also trained so that in emergency situations I could cover register if we were short handed, so that the regular associates could go on break.

I was hardly seen by customers, but I still had to wear the clothes the store sold, to promote the image of the company. I didn't, thankfully, have to wear the dainty little suits, but I did sport the jeans and other casual things we sold.

It was a job. I didn't love it and I didn't hate it. I just worked, took my pay, went to school, and went home.

At least that's the way it was for two months.

After those two months, "Jessica" began to work during the same hours as me. She was about my age (I was 22), maybe twenty five, tops. She didn't work in the stock room (it was just me back there, with one or two other college guys), but worked the front. She wasn't the manager, or even a supervisor, but she SWORE she was in charge of me.

She made it known to everyone, even customers, that she graduated with an associates degree in fashion marketing from FIDM. I suppose it's a big deal but I was thinking girl if you're a college graduate why are you bragging about it as if it has something to do with you folding jeans and ringing people up at the register? She talked like she was fashion expert and in the "fashion industry," and would talk about the New York or Paris fashion weeks in a familiar way that implied that she just got of the plane after attending these events personally. You know the type, the kind that talks about famous fashion designers by their first name, as if they knew them.

Well she always criticized the way I wore the jeans because I didn't tuck in my T-shirt like the mannequin, or that I work Chuck Taylors on my feet instead of the little leather Sperry Topsiders knockoffs we sold for $300.

We were given a clothing allowance as employees. As a stockperson, I was allowed three complete outfits for free, everything from tops, to underear, to socks, and pants (but not shoes). If I wanted more and it was specifically for wearing at the store, I could mark it as a "uniform purchase" and have the price deducted from my check a little at a time. This was advantageous because they wouldn't charge you tax for them, and charge you only a third of the retail price.

Uniform Purchase was distinctly separate from "Store Discount," for which we also received a percentage off, but it wasn't the incredible 66% discount we got for uniform purchases.

Jessica would snicker at me when I took over register for someone, shake her head or roll her eyes at me as if I looked really ugly. I'm always thinking, whatever girl, you wannabe model you aren't even hot and you're not the boss, who are you? But I held my tongue.

She'd also complain if I was supposedly not fast enough in grabbing a size medium from the back because a customer is requesting the dress and all we have on the floor are smalls and larges. She'd trash me to the customer and when I showed up would sarcastically say "finally!" and turn to the customer with a "see what I have to put up with?" expression.

She was especially mean if any customers got chatty with me and treated me with respect. And if those customers were female and were getting flirty with me, Jessica would be a total cockblock.

The real manager, Paula, had their own issues to deal with beyond petty bickering between a stockboy and an entry level sales associate with delusions of "Project Runway" grandeur. The assistant manager, another fashion industry wannabe named "Heather," was just like Jessica, but thankfully I hardly interacted with her. According to my coworkers, Heather was just as bad as Jessica.

Even though I didn't plan on making this store my career, and even though Jessica didn't bother me THAT much, I thought it won't hurt to get this bitch fired.

To her face, I'd just smile and act like I was following her orders happily, or didn't mind when she would point at me rudely, or snap her fingers at me like she was calling a dog.

Jessica would always hear a directive from one of the managers, and then go around telling the other employees what to do, as if they didn't have ears. She'd try to act as if it was HER directive. LOL.

Her coworkers who were the same "rank" as her would sometimes vent to me about how Jessica acted like she was in charge, when in some cases she had even less time in the company than other employees on the floor.

I noticed that when I arranged clothes in back, especially big ticket, desirable clothes that were seen in magazines in our company's advertisement campaigns, she'd "order" me to set aside things in her size.

I'd do it, because it's my job to set aside things if employees want to buy them outright at a discount or put it as a uniform purchase.

Whenever an employee was on register (really, a big Ipad with a cash drawer beneath), you could tap in a code and the register would show a rundown of every non-customer transaction that employees performed that day, and with a few more keystrokes, their transactions over MANY days. The managers knew this code, of course, and I'll assume Jessica knew the code too because Heather shared the code with her.

I WASN'T supposed to know the code, but I did, because there's a mirror in the wall behind the register, and I was re-stocking paper handbags behind Heather when I saw her tap in her four digit code. She assumed I was stupid and didn't understand the incredibly complex wizardry that is a two year old, low-end spec Ipad.

I knew Jessica was getting rung up for "uniform purchases" when she should have been getting rung up for regular employee discount.

She assumed that when I set aside all those expensive items for her, that I was too dumb to know what she was doing, just because I might have something of a mouth breather countenance.

Even if I look on the surface like a fugitive from the trailer park, something told me Jessica wasn't going to be using $800 heels, a $500 dress, and $1200 motorcycle jacket while working at the store.

And anyway, I asked around. No one saw Jessica wearing any of the truly fancy clothes she bought at our store at what the other employees assumed was simply a regular employee discount.

I thought maybe she was being honest, too. It WAS possible, after all, because I didn't always work with her. Maybe she wore evening dresses to work on her other shifts? Whatever, I decided to make sure.

One time when everyone was busy doing other stuff and the store had to resort to putting me on the register, I typed in Heather's code and pulled up Jessica's purchases. As I suspected, she had bought thousands of dollars worth of our store's best items, but put them all as "uniform purchases" and not at her regular discount.

So I swiped "print" and the register switches from the regular tape to the 8.5"x11" printer beneath the counter, and a complete rundown of all of Jessica's purchases come out.

I highlight all the most expensive items that she was charged for "uniform purchase" (such as, her $1200 jacket would only be $300, and even that was tax free and she got to pay it little by little).

I knew that my manager, Paula, wasn't exactly a nuclear physicist and she was more interested in moving up the chain of command to be working at a job higher than store manager in the company, so as long as her store's sales numbers looked good she didn't care what her assistant Heather did.

Except, if it was a violation of company policy that might reflect badly on her.

I knew Heather was in on Jessica's scam because you're not allowed to ring yourself up at the store, you have to have someone else do it, and none of the other associates would want to conspire with her for fear of getting fired or worse.

To make sure, I printed HEATHER's purchase history too. I didn't see Heather as often as I saw Jessica, but I could also see really glaring red flags on her purchase report. Like, she bought a $900 nightclub dress as a uniform purchase, which I'm quite sure she never wore to work. I did the same highlighting on suspicious items as I did with Jessica's.

Then, because none of this was REALLY my business, I was just a part time asshole who worked in the stockroom, I waited for the most fun opportunity to lower the boom.

Jessica got on her little bluetooth earpiece that she wears on he sales floor that she thinks makes her look like a VIP, and says, "OP, I'm going to need XXX in a size small, customer waiting, get the lead out." So I bring the item, and Jessica says I'm "not passing muster." I thought wow Jessica you sounded really 1940s there, you wannabe pinup girl LOL.

After the customer leaves, Jessica says, "I'm going to need you to go on a trash run and sweep out the receiving bay. And I need you to cover Annie's lunch."

I laugh and tell her, "who died and made you supervisor, you fucking headass burnout?"

She looks like she was the fucking Crypt Keeper for a second and that she wanted to punch me, before she remembered that I'm 6'2" and outweigh her by a hundred pounds.

She hisses, "You are SO fired, you fucking geek. Heather's going to hear about this."

I tell her, "Fuck you, I'm going to lunch."

And I clock out and leave.

When I come back, I see Jessica immediately get on her little earpiece.

Before I even reach the stock room, Heather is there, and the manager Paula intercept me.

"Annie, can you cover register? We have an urgent matter to deal with."

I know I'm supposed to be fired.

Which is why, during my lunch, I went to the copy place and made PDF scans of the printouts I made for Jessica and Heather. I had all the corporate bigshots' emails. They were in the new hire handbook all of us get when we start working. I saved a draft to each but didn't hit SEND yet. I had the printouts as attachements. In the BODY of my email, I described exactly what had been going on. I did send ONE email. And that was to Paula the manager, herself.

But I didn't press SEND until we were on our way to the employee break room.

Paula tells me, "OP, Heather sent me a text that says you were verbally abusive to Jessica. Heather herself says that Jessica has complained to her on numerous occasions that you are a substandard employee, and only her own, personal kindness has presented her from firing you. I came in myself to see if you have anything to say in order to save your job."

It's been a couple of years so of course that can't be exactly what she said, but it was something typical and rehearsed and faux-professional that any low-level boss would say when trying to sound important.

I said I didn't have anything to say in my defense, and that in fact I quit.

Jessica and Heather looked surprised, but then Jessica started smiling.

Paula looked disappointed, and said, "I'm very sorry to hear you say that. You may collect your last..."

"Oh, but before I go, I think you should look at these printouts. I know you don't spend a lot of time studying this stuff, but I thought you might find it interesting. It's the last three months of Jessica's and Heather's employee purchases. Notice how they always ring each other up, and notice all that stuff they're claiming to use as uniforms. If you're having trouble understanding it, I explained it in an email I sent to your cellphone. You should have it already, if you check.

I have the same email ready to go to Dan and Pam and Kimberly and Victor and Kevin but I haven't sent it in yet. I was hoping you could look it over and email me back when you're ready, I mean if you want me to edit anything."

Then I got up and left.

Later that afternoon, my phone was ringing.

It was Paula.

She was practically crying, telling me, please don't send those emails, "I've fired Heather and Jessica. They're GONE. And please don't quit. Please don't tell anyone about--"

I tell her to relax.

I already quit. And I'm keeping my mouth shut.

A few days later, I showed up for my final check. I learned from one of the sales associates that corporate Loss Prevention was called in (our corporate office is only a few miles from the retail location) to interview both Heather and Jessica about their fraud.

In lieu of arrest and heavy fines for what amounted to outright theft and fraud, they were simply fired and unable to use the company as a reference, and due to being fired for cause, could not file for unemployment.

Paula was actually in the store that day, and practically ran to me to thank me for "keeping this scandal at a store level. It's been handled."

I told her no problem. What I didn't tell her was that I never did delete those drafts.

She offered me a reward of free merchandise.

No thanks.

I'm going to look awfully silly in those dainty little suits at my super cool new job of working at Sizzler.

It all ended okay.

A year later I finished my degree, and now I'm doing what I really want to do. Except now at my job, guess what we have to wear. Yeah. Dainty little suits.

I wear socks, though.

I would have never torpedoed Heather and Jessica if they just left me alone to do my job in peace, and didn't try to feel big and important at my expense.

I would have left them to live in their self-medicating lies, live and let live.

Other than some difficult customers, people like Heather and Jessica are what make working retail such a nightmare for so many.

And that's why I feel no guilt about destroying them.

I'm sure Jessica had lots to talk about at that year's Milan Fashion Week.

Hold this L, bitch.

****************

TL;DR: I was stockboy at a fancy clothes store. A low level associate would always boss me around and call me stupid even though she wasn't in charge. I found out she was stealing from the store. I was mean to her on purpose so that I'd be called in to a manager meeting to be fired. I quit, and presented proof to the manager that the associate and the assistant manager were both thieves. They both got fired. I began work at Sizzler.

(source) story by (/u/SaggingSkinnyJeans)

[falloutfiona]

new man- bucky barnes

new man

Summary: female reader’s ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend, and you think he’s not the right kind of guy for her. The Avengers tend to hear this conversation and they understand your strife, so it didn’t come as a surprise to you when Bucky Barnes offered to be your fake boyfriend to show your ex how much you upgraded. Turns out, it was all a plan to get you two together- for real.

Pairing: bisexual female reader x bucky barnes

Song: New Man by Ed Sheeran

Warnings: angst, this is the dirtiest thing I’ve ever written so PLEASE know it is NSFW and you should be 18+ to read this!!!!, jealousy, cheating, choking, alcohol

It was game night at the Tower, a night you and all the Avengers had looked forward to twice a month. You all loved destroying your friendship while getting super smashed, and you valued that bonding time after your longest relationship ended a few months ago. The Avengers had been nothing but supportive, and though game night was pretty brutal, everyone sprinted down to the common room the second the clock struck 10 pm. You would often stay up all night playing Monopoly or another long-winded game of Cards Against Humanity, and it was a much-needed break from the drama and the lingering pain you still felt. It gave you an opportunity for your stomach to hurt from laughing instead of crying. That was, until, your phone suddenly rang. It was your ex-girlfriend.

You stood up, backing away from the coffee table, not sure if you should answer the phone.

“Oh my God, is that Allie?” Steve asked you. You nodded, groaning and tossing the phone back and forth in your hands before you finally swiped to accept her call.

“Allie, why are you calling?” You asked in a passive-aggressive sing-song voice, spinning around in circles. “Oh, right. It’s Friday, so it must be Ladies’ Night at the strip club your new boyfriend goes to, so you’re alone in the apartment regretting everything you messed up with me?” You began, attacking the conversation with words like knives.

“Allie, your new man is a douchebag. He literally buys designer jeans and goes to the gym at least six times a week, if not more than once a day. He wears Sperrys without any socks and he bleaches his asshole, and you can’t even eat anything anymore because he’s on that stupid diet and you’re doing it with him. He literally has a tribal tattoo on his bicep. You’ve got to be kidding, right?” You spoke, irritation in your voice.

All the Avengers were listening, so you got up from the couch and rolled your eyes at the group in reaction to Allie before walking further away. They all stopped their game of Monopoly and were eavesdropping on you, and you knew it. Your ex-girlfriend situation had been painful, but hilarity ensued when you found out who she had downgraded to.

“Well, Allie, if you’re really into this guy, you wouldn’t be calling me up trying to fuck!” You exclaimed with a laugh, finding her unbelievable. “I KNOW he doesn’t want to find out about me, so you shouldn’t call.”

Upon this statement, Tony Stark quietly handed you a shot that you downed while listening to Allie’s response. They had dragged you back to the Monopoly table, egging you on to put Allie on speaker, but you knew that was a bad idea considering how you were going to respond.

“Allie, it’s a damn lie that the dude that owns every single Ministry CD and carries a purse he unironically calls a satchel can do it better than I can! I know you’re missing this kind of loving, but that doesn’t mean that you can call me and make it all better. You cheated on me for him, so there’s nothing I owe you, and nothing you’re entitled to. Actually, you owe me a lot. So, if this guy makes you happy, then cool, but don’t fucking call me telling me about your new man, then ask me to come over! I’m hanging up cause I literally have to vomit. Thank you, next, babe.” You responded, hanging up your phone and tossing it to the side.

“Holy shit!” Bucky exclaimed, every other Avenger knowing they could finally react. They were well aware of what had happened, and were completely involved in all the drama.

“You came for that man’s life!” Steve exclaimed, unaware you had that kind of mouth on you.

“Yes, because he’s literally a human disaster!” You defended yourself. “And she can’t just cheat on me for this dude, then cheat on this dude for me.”

“Does he really wear Sperrys without any socks?” Natasha asked. “Is everything you said true?”

“Unfortunately.” You sighed, finishing off your drink and making your move on the Monopoly board.

“I don’t know if it’ll stop her, but you should show up to a place where they’ll be with some sexy beefcake and show her how good your rebound is compared to hers. Plus, it might make her leave you alone if she knows there’s not a chance of redemption.” Wanda suggested, taking a swig of her vodka cranberry.

“There are plenty of sexy beefy dudes here. Or, I’m sure you’ll make the same point if you go out with one of these ladies. I mean, you’ve got your pick of fake rebounds.” Clint pointed out. At first, you thought they were joking, but they were entirely serious and after a few moments of thought, you knew it could possibly work.

“You’re right. Does anyone want to volunteer?” You asked the group.

“Oh, we all want to do it. But some aren’t reasonable or believable, so we have to narrow it down.” Natasha spoke. “For example, Thor is just a little bit too inconspicuous for the fake rebound thing to pass. He’s way too sexy for that, and everyone knows he’s a god. So, sorry Thor, you might not be the best candidate.”

You leaned back, listening to Natasha, because she obviously had some insight you didn’t.

“Steve? Now Steve is a good candidate. He is so nice, people get tattoos of his face they love him so much, he’s got his shit together, could kick your ex’s ass. Steve is definitely in the running. Clint’s got a wife and kids, so he’s out. Bruce is in love with me, so the chemistry won’t be believable if he were to be your fake rebound. Tony is the least inconspicuous of them all. Everyone would know it was fake. So that leaves you with me, Wanda, Steve and Bucky. What do you think?” Natasha explained, then turned it over to you.

“Well, Wanda looks too much like Allie, so Allie would think I was just trying to find another version of her.”

“I didn’t think about that. Good point. I personally think Bucky should be your fake boyfriend. You guys have legitimate chemistry,  and he’s got all the qualities you need for this plan.”

With that statement, Bucky nearly choked on his drink. He had stayed very silent for the whole conversation, and for a reason. He wanted to hide his crush as best as he could, but he knew that everyone knew an would put him into the place of your fake boyfriend.

“You okay there, Buck?” Steve asked with a smile.

“I’m good, I’m fine. Sure, I’ll be the fake boyfriend.” He agreed, and everyone toasted to that.

“Hey, does Allie still follow you on Instagram and Twitter and shit?” Tony asked, after everyone had a couple more rounds. They were all pretty smashed, and for enhanced humans, that said a lot because they had all had enough to kill a normal human being.

“Yes, she does, and I only follow her so I can creep on her Instagram a little bit.”

“I have an idea. In order for this whole thing to be believable, we need to start now. Give me your phone,” Tony asked, and you unlocked it, giving him the device.

“Great!” He exclaimed before putting his hand on your shoulder, turning you around and sitting you down on the couch next to Bucky.

“Tony, what are we doing?” You laughed nervously.

“Acting normally for a candid romantic picture on game night.” Tony stated as if it was obvious, but you and Bucky hadn’t quite mastered being candid or romantic. Tony rolled his eyes, put Bucky’s arm around your shoulders, turned you towards each other and lifted one of your knees over the other to cross your legs so yours would be against Bucky’s. Tony kept taking pictures until he found the right one where Bucky was smiling down at you and your hands almost covered your mouth in a laugh. Tony posted the picture with the caption “he owns my heart and my properties #gamenight”

All the Avengers had immediately liked it, leaving cute comments that would make it even more believable. The problem was, Bucky wasn’t sure how good he could be at being fake.

You all continued your game through the night until Tony won, per usual, but you had continued the drinking and were all absolutely blacked out. You woke up on the couch next to Bucky, not sure where all your clothes went, until you remembered that when the game began getting heated, it quickly became drunk strip monopoly. Game night had never been this intense before. You knew that Tony already had a picture of you two sleeping on the couch together, barely clothed, but what’s done is done. You had fully committed to this fake relationship.

You swung your legs over the side of the couch and stood up, trying to find your clothes and every memory of last night, but Bucky woke up at the same time you stood up and your scantily clad butt and lace thong was right in front of his face. His eyes shot open wide, not sure what to do. You turned to him after you heard him groan, meeting his staring eyes.

“Do you know where my clothes are?” You asked, your voice raspy and hungover. Bucky couldn’t even form words at the sight of you. You sorted through the clothes that were strewn all over the floor, having to figure out which clothes belonged to eight other people, but there came a point where you didn’t care whose clothes you donned, as long as you got a shirt on. You put on Bucky’s black tee shirt and moments later you found your loose running shorts.

“I’m gonna go vom for the rest of the morning, so swing by my place if you wanna visit later.” You spoke to Bucky, who was still speechless, before you walked back to your room and regretted drinking for the whole night for the entire morning. Bucky did stop by later, he lightly knocked at your open door. You knew you were going to be in your bathroom all day, so you kept your door open to air out the smells as well as leave it open for Bucky.

“Come on in, Buck. I’m good, what’s up?” You asked, gagging a little more. He waited to respond until after you were done gagging. You wondered what exactly you had drank you make you feel this bad, but then you remembered that you all drank everything. Thor’s Asgardian alcohol that kills people, beer, wine, liquor, mixed drinks, shots, you guys really went off for this one. It was outside the norm, which was good, because you were miserable.

“I just wanted to stop by and check on you,” He began, not making himself comfortable in your room. He didn’t sit down or really look at you in the eye. Your stomach sank, a different feeling than the vomit you were dealing with all day, knowing he wasn’t here to tell her something good.

“Listen, we were really drunk last night, all of us, and I don’t know if you remember everything that happened, but it was a lot and I kind of wanted to talk about it when we were sober.”

You wiped your mouth and stood up to face him.

“Bucky, I get it if you don’t want to be my fake boyfriend. Or, I’ll try to understand.” You responded with sadness in your voice.

“No, that’s not what I was going to say, even though the way I said it it kind of sounded like I was going to. But I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about it. I’m your fake boyfriend and you’re my fake girlfriend so we can get back at your ex.” He confirmed. “Do you want boundaries for our fake relationship? I know that Tony’s taking pictures and posting things and I know we’re going to go out in public, so I just want to be clear about the things you don’t want to happen.”

“Nothing comes to mind, I’m down for anything.” You answered. “How about you?”

He hesitated.

“I’m not sure if it’s the best idea for us to kiss, because I think then it crosses the line in to real.” He spoke, and your heart jumped, not sure how to feel about that. Especially after your breakup, it felt like there was something wrong with you, or undesirable. You nodded, biting your lip and hiding your emotions badly.

“I have to continue vomiting, so if you’ll excuse me,” You said, closing the bathroom door behind you, letting your empty stomach continue to hurl, and you heard your bedroom door close upon Bucky’s exit.

From that night on, Tony was in charge of your Instagram account, posting pictures he secretly took of you two throughout the weeks. It hurt a little more knowing that it was all fake and Bucky wouldn’t kiss you, and you were nearing the time that you had planned to go out in public and face Allie and her new man. The team knew this too, and they asked the question when they knew Bucky couldn’t run away.

“So, in two weeks you guys are going out to the club and I’m all out of pictures.” Tony stated, leading into the next conversation.

“Everything has been believable so far, Allie is subtweeting you and Bucky on Twitter, she’s adequately jealous, but now that I’m out of stock on pictures and each one has been kind of similar, we need something else.”

Bucky knew where Tony was going, and he didn’t like it.

“We need you guys to kiss.”

“Tony, we kind of agreed not to.” You answered in the least awkward manner you could find.

“Um, why?” He asked, utterly confused.

“Bucky thought it would be too real for a fake relationship.” You answered.

“Huh.” Tony hummed quizzically.

“I’ll do it for the picture, if that’s what you need.” Bucky answered.

“Oh, thanks for sounding so excited about it.” You answered, a little hurt at his delivery of that message. Everyone simultaneously felt a yikes pass around the room.

“If you guys could just stand by that big window with the natural light,” Tony spoke, trying to move on and cut the tension by getting it over with as soon as possible. You and Bucky stood face to face, making eye contact that you could only describe as hostile.

“Okay, this isn’t a hostage situation. You’re telling me after all these weeks of insane chemistry and disgustingly real romance, you guys don’t know how to kiss?” Tony asked.

“We get it, Tony.” Bucky stated, and he quickly put a hand on your back as he leaned down and gave you the driest, least interested, grandma kiss you have ever gotten in your entire life before you grabbed your phone from Tony and ran off, flustered.

“Bucky, can I talk to you for a second?” Steve asked, but it was more of a command. He grabbed Bucky’s arm and led him out into the hallway.

“What just happened there, Buck? What’s going on with you? What do you mean it would be too real to kiss her? You’ve liked that woman for months and haven’t said a word, and you get the chance to kiss her and don’t kiss her in the ways you’ve told me you want to?”

“Yes, Steve, because this is a fake relationship that exists solely for the purpose of revenge, and if I kiss her like I mean it then I’m afraid I won’t be able to bring myself back. Then, I’ll be humiliated for getting to into it and putting my feelings into a fake, set up arrangement. I won’t lose anything if I don’t ever give anything.”

“Bucky, you’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met. You have dumbass disease, and it’s incurable. The whole idea of a fake relationship was so we could set you guys up finally. It’s been long enough, and you’re so stupid to think she doesn’t feel the same way towards you. You broke her heart just now, Buck. It’s meant to be real, Bucky, and you just ruined it.”

You didn’t speak to Bucky until it was the day you were supposed to go out with him and meet your ex, Allie. You had spent the whole day considering if it was even worth it to go out, if all the weeks you spent “pretending” with Bucky were just trash. Was it worth it to just make Allie jealous? You thought you should cancel the outing as you questioned if it was all worth it.

Nat and Wanda invaded your room to style your hair and put you into a pair of suede Louboutin boot heels and a red miniature two piece set. You looked the best you ever had, but you felt like absolute crap.

“I’m not sure if I want to do this, guys.” You told Nat and Wanda.

“Why not, darling?” Nat asked.

“Because I knew I was really going to fall for him. I knew that I couldn’t keep it fake this whole time, and I let my emotions get the best of me. So now I’m hurt that he doesn’t feel the same way.”

They laughed out loud.

“You sound like Bucky.”

“What do you mean?”

“That’s literally what he said to Steve. You both don’t think the other is interested. He’s so crazy about you.”

“Then why did he kiss me like I was gross?” You asked.

“Because he’s an idiot, but also because he didn’t want to reveal how he really felt to you since he thought you didn’t feel the same way. So you’re gonna go to this club, show Allie who’s boss, get your ex off your back, and then finally get into bed with Bucky.” They explained.

“Oh my god, I’m not even sure if I still even want to go out tonight! Let’s take it slow.”

“You won’t be saying that after he kisses you like he really wants to.” Wanda responded, and it was time for you to head out to the common room to meet everyone, and Bucky. He was wearing a white shirt with a few buttons undone with his cuffs rolled up, tucked into black slim pants and leather shoes. His hair was tied back into a bun with two long pieces hanging down around his face. It was high-end club, and there was a dress code. He couldn’t stop staring at you, making you wish you weren’t doing this even more. You hadn’t talked about your first kiss where he really didn’t want to kiss you, and now he was basically drooling like a hyena over you. There was a lot of unspoken tension, and your outing wasn’t going to make it any better.

“You look great.” He spoke to you, finally able to form words.

“Thank you. We should get going,” You responded plainly. He knew you were still hurt, so you drove in silence to the club in one of Tony’s Ferraris. The Valet took care of the car while Bucky walked around to your side and opened the door for you, extending his hand so you could step out with ease. You took his hand for the moment before you let your hand fall, and you walked up to the door together. The bouncer let you both in, and you stood at a tall table while Bucky headed to the bar. He got you a vodka soda and a gin and tonic for himself, because he liked disgusting drinks. The music was loud but you still weren’t talking to Bucky. You were looking for Allie, and you knew she had to be around because you saw her car pull up a few ahead of yours. You became frustrated not being able to find her, but then a server approached you with a tray and sat down a rum and coke on your table.

“From the woman in VIP.” He explained. Bucky was confused, but you knew.

“Rum and coke is Allie’s favorite drink. She sees us but we can’t see her. It’s like a calling card, she’s toying with us.”

“Well, the server said she was in VIP, so let’s go find her.”  Bucky suggested, feeling like that was the best option, and he started walking in that direction. You followed close to him, turning a corner and finding Allie lounging on a velvet couch in a silver dress. She waved to the VIP bouncer and he let the pair in.

“Allie.” You stated, not sure of what you were going to say.

“Baby, come sit!” She said, trying to entice you over to her.

“She’s good, thanks.” Bucky answered, snaking his arm around your waist and immediately becoming protective over you.

“Oh, so that’s real! I was sure it was fake.” Allie spoke in response, pointing between you two.

“Yes, it is, and you should back off, considering you’ve got a new man.” Bucky answered.

“I’m just shocked it’s real. I didn’t think she could get anyone after me.”

“I loved you so much and you hurt me so badly, so get off your goddamn high horse, thinking that you’re a god.” You answered, hurt in your voice.

“So like, is this thing serious with him or is he just a rebound?” Allie asked with an evil chuckle.

“It’s serious, Allie. We only just recently made it public, and you shouldn’t be looking to get her back when you’ve got somebody else. You must have wanted him so badly you cheated on her, right? Stick with that. You’ll never get my girl back.” Bucky responded. “And if you try, I’m going to come for you and your new boyfriend so hard, you’re going to regret ever getting close.” Bucky growled, leaning forward more towards Allie.

“Oh, do you promise?” Allie responded, biting her lip.

“Okay, we’re done.” Bucky stated angrily, pressing you close to him and walking away.

“She’s pretty shitty, you know?” He spoke, once they were far away from her.

“Yeah, I know.” You spoke, feeling dejected.

“But, the good news is, she’s with someone equally shitty. Her new boyfriend is making out with that blonde.” Bucky pointed out. You saw him, and the random girl.

“It’s a match made in cheater heaven.” You spoke with a hint of a laugh, knowing that you were better off without Allie, despite how much you loved her to your core before she ruined you.

You decided to get the words you wanted to say off your chest, so you blurted them out. Bucky knew it was coming.

“Bucky, why do you not want to kiss me? I know this is supposed to be fake, but I get this feeling that I’m not pretty enough for you to want to kiss me, and I feel like I’m reasonably attractive, but you just seemed revolted at the idea of having to kiss me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. It’s the fact that in that moment, I couldn’t kiss you like this.” He answered, not caring that you were both in public before his hand sunk deep into your hair that Wanda and Natasha spent an hour styling, and his other hand grabbed your ass and pulled you against him. He kissed you as if his life depended on it. He broke the kiss when he realized that you couldn’t breathe, and he took the moment to clear the air between you.

“I know we agreed on doing this as a ruse, but everything I feel is so damn real and I want to be with you so badly, it’s killing me.”

“Then don’t let it kill you and just be with me.” You answered. “It’s been a long time coming. Everything I’ve felt has been as real as it can get, and I know everything you’re feeling is real, because I can feel it too.” You spoke, pointing out the fact that he was holding you tightly against him and you could feel his bulge against your leg.

“Yeah, we should go home.” He smiled at you. You both headed outside and waited for the Valet to bring Tony’s car around, and since you were both sober, it was a fight for who was going to drive back. He held you against him as you stood in front of him, a hand strategically placed on your hip.

“You drove here, so I’m driving back! I think I can work the gearbox better than you can, too.” You argued, running around to the driver’s seat when the car arrived.

Pulling off quickly, letting the engine roar, Bucky waited until you were on the freeway to head home to unbuckle his seatbelt, lean over and put his hand on your thigh as he kissed your neck. You missed a gear change in your distraction, but quickly fixed your mistake that Bucky chuckled at. Trying not to get caught for speeding, you went as fast as you could without getting a ticket and it wasn’t long before you were back at the Tower. You tossed the Ferrari keys up on the wall of the garage, and Bucky couldn’t run fast enough to the elevator button. You were both getting impatient at the agonizingly slow pace of the elevator that had to operate on 50 stories, so you grabbed Bucky and pulled him over to the nearest car hood to wrap him back up in your embrace until the elevator got to you. Once you both heard the chime and the doors opened, it was a sprint to get upstairs in time before clothes started coming off in places they shouldn’t.

Bucky pushed you to the corner, his hand running up your thigh as he continued the work he started on your neck. He grabbed your butt from underneath your skirt, his fingers finding the lace of your underwear.

“If you’re wearing something under this dress that is like what you wore for game night, you’re gonna kill me.” He groaned into your skin.

“You’re in luck, Bucky. I’ve got that and more.” You responded, and you knew that all it did was get him harder. He knew you were teasing him, so he teased you right back and slipped a finger into you. You let out a small sigh of pleasure, but it was cut short when the elevator stopped at your floor. You both took a second to regain your composure before stepping out, not sure who was still around to see you. Bucky called out to the empty floor, and got no response. You picked up a slip of paper on the table and showed Bucky.

“They’re all out for the night.” You smiled, handing him the note.

“Thank fuck-” He exclaimed before setting it aside and resuming your close contact you had moments before. He wrapped his arm around your waist and threw you over his shoulder, getting to his room as quickly as possible. You laughed at his methods, but were suddenly brought back to the moment when you finally understood why you were thrown over his shoulder in the first place. He only had to adjust you slightly so you were straddling his shoulders, facing him. He pushed your skirt up to reveal your lacy lingerie and thigh garter, and he could get off easily by just seeing you in that.

Finally in his bedroom, he laid back on his bed and he kissed the insides of your thighs, the lace brushing against his face. As much as he loved the lingerie, they had to come off and he carefully removed them as he ran them down your legs and tossed them aside. Grabbing your thighs, he used his mouth in a very different way than when you had kissed.

Eventually, you both lost all of your clothes and were left in your underwear, or what was left of it. Your bralette was a sheer lace, and he was able to see through it. As sexy as it was, it was gone in the blink of an eye. You grabbed his hair and gave it a strong yank, pulling his chin up so you could kiss his lips. You were straddled against his hips, and you knew that both of you were just about dying the longer you waited to just get to it. Though he was playing rough, he dialed it back a little bit and took it a little easier when you were getting used to him. Once he knew everything was good he flipped you over on the bed, your hair cascading in all directions across the pillow, and his hands traveled up from your waist to your neck and cheek to hold your face as he kissed you. You looked him in the eye as you moved his hand just a little lower on your neck. He was taken aback just a bit.

“Okay, before I choke you I need you to know that the last time I choked someone, I was doing it to kill them.” He warned.

“Good. Don’t choke me so hard I die, but I don’t want to be sure I’m going to live, either.” You instructed. “Ease up when I start turning blue.”

Taking your instructions, he nodded and eased his way into it, not wanting to go too hard too fast. He was worried he was going to hurt you, but he could read you like an expert and was able to know what you needed before you said it. He threw your leg over his shoulder and made you see stars, and not from the lack of oxygen. There were things that only he could do, and only he could do to you that you’ve never experienced with anyone else.

It wasn’t long before you could even remember the pain of being hurt, and Allie wasn’t even a thought in your mind. It was just you and Bucky, alone in his apartment and nothing else mattered except for the way he touched you. It took a surprising amount of time to wear each other out, and the sun was rising by the time you both hit your complete endpoint.

“Not bad for a fake boyfriend, right?” Bucky laughed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Best sex I’ve ever gotten from a fake boyfriend.” You responded, taking a pause before the words you were thinking about just fell out. “But how about you be my real boyfriend?” You asked. Bucky didn’t have to think about his response, but he smiled when he heard you.

“Damn, now I have to earn the title of “best sex for a real boyfriend”? That’s a lot of pressure!” He exclaimed.

“Nope, you’ve already won that title too.” You responded. “Don’t worry.”

Soon, the morning was approaching the afternoon, and the rest of the Avengers still hadn't been back. You got a call from Natasha just as Bucky was bringing you a Gatorade. He tossed you the bottle and laid back down on his bed as you answered the call. Bucky reached over and put it on speaker, so he could chime in, too.

“Hey love, how are things going? Just wanted to call and check up on you.”

“Things are going great!”

“I hope you’ve been taking the time alone to your advantage.” Natasha spoke, trying to get you to spill the details without asking for them. Bucky responded in his deep voice,

“Natasha, I’ve done things that should land me in jail.” He stated, never having done some of the things you wanted before.

“Glad to hear you’re branching out. Do you need a couple more days alone? We can stay away for the entire weekend.”

“Yes.” Bucky answered without letting you even think. “Where are you guys, anyway?”

“We’re at Clint’s place. We promise to bring you guys back some smores, it’s like summer camp out here. Super woodsy.” She answered. “And it seems like you might need the extra calories by the time we come home.” She laughed.

“Bye, Nat. See you soon.” You smiled before hanging up the phone and facing Bucky.

“Do you ever get the feeling that Natasha was the mastermind behind setting us up?” You asked him with a smile.

“Oh, I know for a fact she did this to set us up, and I’m glad she did. Because I knew I was in love with you, but I had convinced myself you didn’t feel the same way about me. I never would have done anything, I never would have made a move. So for once in my life, I’m glad you have a shitty ex, because it brought me to you. I’m so sorry for all the pain you endured, and I wish I could take that away, but I’m always going to be thankful I have you now. This also wouldn’t have happened if Allie hadn’t found her new man. I’m not a superstitious guy, but I know that everything that happened was meant to bring us together.” Bucky spoke, and it was the first time he had really revealed his heart to you. You knew that you were in a so much better place than you were with your ex.

You knew that you didn’t want to hear about your ex’s new man because you found someone so much better than him and better for you, and his name was Bucky. 

[whereisfootball]

2018 MLS Kit Branding Reimagined

The 2018 Major League Soccer season is nearly underway. It’s been a long offseason and we’re hyped to have it back.

Our friends Tap In have a lot of new, exciting MLS content coming this year on their guide, and in celebration of that, we decided to partner on a fun little project.

In a bid to add a little more personality to what is largely bland, impersonal sponsorship real estate on each kit, we reimagined every team’s jersey with something new in the middle of it. Some of these are local companies, others are prospective partners who have some fun link to the team, and others will probably just be arcane jokes that won’t land.

Nevertheless, we thought this was a fun way to bring a few of our favorite things together: Friendship, Photoshop & American soccer.

Please enjoy.

Atlanta United — Waffle House

An iconic southern restaurant with its roots in Atlanta, Waffle House is open 24/7, 365—and it’s the best. As Waffle House FC will tell you, this is a perfect sponsor for a team that’s tasty on and off the pitch. Their supporters never waver, refusing to shut off for even a single second when they pack the Mercedes-Benz Stadium. They aren’t afraid to do things their own way—which, yes, can sometimes get a bit messy ... but most of the time it’s spot on.

Chicago Fire — Portillo’s

Sorry, it’s important we let you know now that this is probably going to be a food-heavy list as we’re rather fond of eating.

Portillo’s is a Chicago institution known for its hot dogs, Italian beef sandwiches, and an extremely healthy, 100% good for any diet cheese sauce.

While the Fire aren’t yet a Chicago institution themselves, we hope one day pictures of Bob Bradley, Hristo Stoichkov & Ante Razov will line the walls of a Portillo’s near you.

Colorado Rapids — Coors

The beer with mountains on the can that turn from white to blue when it’s cold enough to drink...

The beer that you knew and loved so well from ages 21-24...

The beer brewed with spring water from the very same Rocky range you can spot from the Colorado Rapids’ 18,000-seat soccer specific stadium...

Headquartered in Golden, Colorado and responsible for some of the best nights of your life, we give you Coors on a Rapids jersey...

“Like if Chelsea’s 1994 kit did a gap year in America.”

Columbus Crew — Wendy’s

As the red-headed stepchild of MLS, this one kind of feels right. And the disappearance of the club would be just as sad as when Wendy’s (founded in Columbus) got rid of their spicy chicken nuggets.

#SAVETHECREW

(Note: The actual kit is pretty great and it’s honestly insulting that we did anything to it. We’re sorry.)

DC United — Geico

The Chevy Chase, Maryland-based Geico gecko had some good years there. We all liked him for a while. It was a good bit. But it got stale right around the time Freddy Adu left town. Since then, DC United and the gecko have struggled mightily to find consistent form. Here’s hoping they both find success this year from a new approach.

(And, hey, while we’re here: All the best to you, Freddy.)

FC Dallas — Dr. Pepper

Everyone’s second team, Dr. Pepper, is a lifestyle in Texas. A Lone Star State-staple that pulls a talented 23-flavor squad from all-over—here’s to you Waco and Dublin— Dr. Pepper is an underrated, over-performing outfit with immense local significance … just like their imagined partner in Dallas.

A lot more to be proud of than their trophy cabinet will tell you.

Houston Dynamo — Swishahouse

As Mike Jones, noted soccer superfan, Swishahouse OG, and Everyone’s Favorite Rapper from 2005, once said:

Let ‘em know: Houston Dynamo.

Good enough for us.

LA Galaxy — SpaceX

Space. Galaxy. You get it.

Headquartered a stone’s throw from the LA Galaxy’s stadium in Carson is SpaceX, Elon Musk’s influential private “outer space things” company as it’s scientifically known.

Much like MLS’s most famous and successful franchise, SpaceX is a trailblazer famous for its glamour and willingness to break the mold. This isn’t to say it’s always smooth sailing—for either—but at the end of the day they’re both respected for their vision and performance.

This crossover is too perfect and it’s something that we’ve seen terrific mockups of in the past (though we wish we knew who to credit!). Also worth a shout is this awesome piece from LA Galaxy Confidential, which mentions Tesla as a fun potential partner. 

LAFC — The Boring Company

If the Galaxy is SpaceX, LAFC is The Boring Company.

Elon Musk’s newest endeavor is going to revolutionize Los Angeles by … making tunnels for cars? Oh, and by creating giant vehicles that can travel those tunnels and move lots of people at once … like a train. Hmm. The Boring Company seems like a well-backed but ordinary idea that lacks direction and distinction, with a lot of hype for reasons no one can really explain.

To be blunt, we haven’t really seen much to this point.

The Galaxy have sent a Tesla up into space and revolutionized how we build rockets... but LAFC have so far just made a bunch of flamethrowers and sold out their entire stock. So, we’ll see.

For now, all we’re really sure about is how much better their kit would have looked if they hadn’t put their sponsor in red.

Minnesota United — Prince. Duh.

You can have a Dirty Mind or even be a little Delirious, but you’ll still end up right back here with no Controversy. You can wear it in a Little Red Corvette, in a Purple Rain, When Doves Cry or even put it on Bambi. With this kit, you’ll be a Sexy MF.

Montreal Impact — Cirque du Soleil

What’s wilder than benching Didier Drogba because you’re better without him? One person doing acrobatics on the head of another person while a third person flies through the air holding fire. In French.

Born and headquartered in Quebec, Cirque du Soleil is now the largest theatrical producer in the world. The Impact aren’t even the kings of Canada yet, let alone MLS, but this could be the year they flip their way to the top. Holding fire. In French.

New England Revolution — Sperry’s

Put those Sperry’s on to look the part and take your dad’s boat out on the water. You’ll be as close to Boston as Gillette Stadium and the deck of your boat will probably be as soft as the turf too.

NYCFC — Sbarro.

The Michael-Scott-approved best pizza in New York. The only logical choice.

Sorry, sorry. We’re kidding. Don’t go to Sbarro.

...Let’s try that again...

NYCFC — WeWork.

Much like City Football Group, WeWork is trying to change a model.

For CFG, it’s football clubs. For WeWork, it’s the office space game. WeWork started in New York, born out of an inability to find affordable and available office space in the city—a problem NYCFC knows rather well—and now has an operation that spans across the globe.

Like CFG, it might not be your cup of tea, but it certainly works for a lot of people in NYC and has offered plenty of enterprising young professionals a place to grind. #JackHarrison

New York Red Bulls — Become the MetroStars again.

#Metros4Ever. That is all.

Orlando City — Publix

This one is a no-brainer.

Publix is an employee-owned supermarket chain that serves up some truly delicious food and has fans almost as fanatical as those found on The Wall in Orlando.

Floridians are vocally, passionately, sometimes a bit frighteningly #TeamPublix—and the same can be true for the way purple-clad City supporters get behind their squad.

Philadelphia Union — Wawa

If you know, you know. In their words:

“Wawa is your all day, every day stop for fresh, built-to-order foods, beverages, coffee, fuel services, and surcharge-free ATMs. The stores offer a large fresh food service selection, including Wawa brands such as built-to-order hoagies, freshly brewed coffee, hot breakfast sandwiches, built-to-order specialty beverages, and an assortment of soups, sides and snacks.”

Wawa 4 ever. #SheetzOUT

Portland Timbers — Powell’s

Powell’s City of Books is (supposedly) the largest independent new and used bookstore in the world. It is ginormous and fantastic and you should go if you’re ever in Portland.

We don’t know of any football clubs sponsored by book stores, but if there was ever going to be one, it would play in the Rose City.

Real Salt Lake — High West

Tucked away in a state known primarily for its gorgeous vistas and as the home of the Mormon religion is a really wonderful distillery that will knock your socks off. It also comes with that beautiful mountain view, not unlike Rio Tinto Stadium.

San Jose Earthquakes — Yahoo!

Nothing says cool like needing an exclamation point at the end of your name. Kind of like building a brand new stadium and needing to tell people that you have a really long bar.

As the kit sponsor of the Quakes during their two title runs, we think it’s time for Yahoo! to make a return. (Not sure anyone will use it, though.)

Seattle Sounders — Starbucks

Sorry, we’re those guys. Seattle gave the world Starbucks and we needed to see what that logo would look like on these new kits. 

Plus, much like Starbucks invented coffee, the Sounders invented American soccer.

Sporting Kansas City — Hallmark

A proudly Kansas City company that is all about good vibes, with extensive Wizard of Oz involvement over the years.

That sounds a lot like Sporting KC to us—a team that needed a rough start in order to find its way. Much the same, Hallmark probably would have never become what it is today without extensive setbacks in its early years.

Toronto FC — Tim Hortons

Timbits and trophies: That’s what Toronto does. Nowadays, anyway.

We only had three Canadian teams to give the Tim Hortons love to, so we figured the toast of MLS deserves the world’s most lovely quick-service cafe and bake shop.

Vancouver Whitecaps — Lululemon

Set on the water, with an amazing mountain view, you couldn’t say a bad word about how great Vancouver looks. It’s straight-up cool. And local company Lululemon makes activewear that looks similarly awesome. We are officially here for MLS yoga wear.

————

This post was a collaboration between Where Is Football and Tap In Guide. Check out their stuff—it’s awesome.

A special thanks to Tap In’s graphic designer Mike Arney for helping bring our ideas to life, and to our buddy Ryan Rosenblatt for developing those ideas with us.

As always, you can follow us on Instagram @whereisfootball.

[art-of-manliness]

A Man’s Guide to Boat Shoes

In the 1930s, Paul Sperry, a former Navy Sailor, avid outdoorsman, and designer of duck decoys, bought himself an old schooner that he fixed up and made seaworthy. While he loved to sail it around Long Island Sound, he found to his dismay that the boat’s painted decks were royally slippery when wet. After one particularly bracing fall overboard, Sperry vowed to find a way to get better traction. Sperry’s first idea involved enhancing the grip of the deck itself by repainting it and sprinkling on the fine grit of emery dust. This did improve the deck’s traction, but, he discovered, “If any part of the human anatomy came into touch with [the deck], it was like giving yourself a rub down with sandpaper.” So Sperry went back to the drawing board, this time deciding to alter the other side of the contact surface equation: the shoes he wore on deck. Rubber-soled shoes seemed to be one key in providing a little more stick, but after making hundreds of experiments with them, none truly provided the grip Sperry desired. Then one day Sperry noticed the way his dog Prince was able to agilely run over icy ground, and a light bulb went off. He examined the pooch’s paws and noted that the cracks and grooves on their pads provided a natural non-slip surface. A drawing of the siped sole from Sperry’s original patent application. Sperry set out to build a similar functionality into a pair of shoes, using his penknife to carve a herringbone pattern of sipes (slits) into a set of rubber soles. The textured grip they provided proved highly effective in keeping him steady on his schooner. Sperry also made the soles white, as to not leave any marks on the deck. The “Sperry Top-Sider” debuted in 1935 with a canvas upper, which was changed two years later to a specially tanned leather. The shoe quickly took off amongst the sailors and skippers around New England and beyond. In 1939, the US Navy contracted with Sperry to supply the Top-Sider to its Sailors and it became part of the official casual uniform at the Naval Academy. Over the course of the 20th century, what came to be known as the deck shoe or boat shoe gained manufacturers other than the Sperry company and fans far outside nautical circles, becoming indelibly associated with a general East Coast preppy look. Today, there are those who continue to avoid the boat shoe for that exact association, or because they don’t think a boat shoe ought to be worn on land. But this classic footwear deserves a place as a men’s wardrobe staple. Today we’ll explain why, as well as how to wear them with both comfort and style. Why Wear a Boat Shoe? There aren’t a lot of casual summertime footwear choices for men. Especially if you’d like to get extra lightweight and skip the socks. And especially if you’re wearing shorts. You can go sneakers, which are fine, but can’t rise above the very casual. There are flip-flops, which don’t look great and read as adolescent. And, there’s the boat shoe. These slip-ons are as easy to wear as sneakers or sandals, but look a little sharper and can be paired with slightly dressier clothes. Plus, they’re fairly cool and (at least once they’re broken in) quite comfortable. The boat shoe both looks good and remains functional — you can wear them into water, and even if you won’t find yourself cruising on a yacht anytime soon, they provide good traction on any kind of slippery surface. These advantages aside, the deck shoe still has its critics. There are those who say the boat shoe only belongs on a boat. But if a man were to strip his wardrobe of all the clothing and accessories that he didn’t wear in correspondence with their original function, he’d have to remove khakis (originally created for soldiers’ uniforms), the wristwatch (originally created to synchronize military attacks), the pea coat (originally created for sailors), jeans and work boots (originally created for blue collar workers) . . . indeed, so many articles of clothing were first created for another purpose before they ended up as everyday wear, that this man would have to go around almost naked. Just because something began its life to fulfill a particular function, doesn’t mean it can’t now be worn for its aesthetics. Then there are those who say the boat shoe has too preppy an association. It’s true that this footwear has been worn by many a real, and wannabe, blue blood, as well as legions of fraternity brothers. But the shoe doesn’t have to read as overly preppy; it’s all about how you style it; as we’ll get into below, its overall impression is a matter of what you choose to wear with it. With those two criticisms hopefully put aside, and a case for the boat shoe made, let’s move on to what defines this footwear, and how to wear it. What Are Boat Shoes? Boat shoes are moccasin-like footwear that are distinguished by their low cut, handsewn construction, soft, white, non-skid, non-marking, siped rubber sole, and laces that run not only through 2-3 eyelets (2 being the most traditional) on top of the shoes, but in and out of their sides as well; this 360-degree configuration allows you to cinch the laces all around the shoe for a tighter fit. While boat shoes are made with both canvas and leather, the latter (which has been treated to repel water) is by far the most traditional and quintessential material, and the laces are typically made from leather (usually rawhide) as well. These laces, at least once cinched and tied, are largely decorative — the shoe functions as slip-on footwear. How to Choose a Boat Shoe Different boat shoes don’t look dramatically different from each other; which you choose will come down to the subtle style differences you prefer, as well as the following factors: Material. Pick a deck shoe in leather — it’s both more durable and snazzier than canvas varieties, and can be paired with slightly dressier clothes for a sharper look. Shoes made with Horween Chromexcel (a specific type of leather from the Horween tannery) will be a little softer from the get-go and break in a little faster than other leathers, because of the amount of greases and oils it’s made with.  Color. Boat shoes come in a wide variety of colors these days, but it’s best to go with a darker brown. It’s the most handsome, classic, and versatile color and will go with nearly everything. Navy is a runner-up in the versatility department; it looks great with burgundy and gray bottoms, and decent with ones which are khaki-colored, though it doesn’t look so hot with denim. Most boat shoes have an elevated heel, but if you’re a fan of more minimalist footwear, check out the boat shoes from Lems which have zero-drop outsoles that are so flexible you can completely roll them up (and stuff them in a bag, if need be).  Fit. Boat shoes take a while to break in (see below), so don’t expect them to feel like a dream right out the box. That being said, fit is quite important in a shoe you’ll likely be wearing without socks, and there are issues that breaking in won’t fix. Boat shoes shouldn’t fit too differently from normal shoes, but you want to go for a little snugger fit than you usually would because they will stretch out and get looser as you wear them; you’ll often need to go a half size down from your normal size, and if you’re between sizes, go with the smaller of the two. The snugness is especially important if you plan on wearing the shoes sockless. Make sure the heel doesn’t move around too much, as this is a typical hot spot for boat shoe-induced blisters. Walk around quite a bit when you’re trying on the shoe to make sure there aren’t any spots that seem to gap open, or greatly pinch or chafe your feet (again, a little chafing is normal). Brand/Price. Sperry still sells the “Authentic Original” that harkens to the design of the very first model, but these are now imported and get mixed reviews, with some longtime customers reporting that they have declined in quality, comfort, durability, and water resistance. Sebago’s Docksides are another well-known, imported boat shoe that’s about on par in price with Sperry, but which some feel is slightly better in quality. Eastland, Quoddy, and Rancourt make handsome, top quality boat shoes that are handsewn in Maine, but you’ll pay a high premium for domestic craftsmanship. Personally, while I typically believe in paying top dollar for something that will last forever, I actually prefer my boat shoes to be more disposable (I wear the Sperry A.O.). When you’re wearing something made with a thinner leather, without socks, in hot weather, they invariably wear down fairly quickly, and can also become pretty stinky (though there are ways to mitigate this; see below). Boat shoes can’t be re-soled after they start to deteriorate, and while they can be cleaned, it’s hard to get all the stink out. So I wear them more like a “beater” shoe, and actually don’t want or expect them to last more than a few years; I’d thus recommend buying a pair at a price point that reflects this disposability. Leather boat shoes range from $50 on the low end to $325 on the high end; I think something around the $100 mark represents a good intersection of modest durability and good looks/quality. Shoes from brands like Sebago and Sperry can have wildly different prices on Amazon and other sites, so be sure to shop around for the best deal. How to Break in Your Boat Shoes As just mentioned, boat shoes take some breaking in — and this process can take anywhere from a week to a month, depending on how much you wear them. But the short-term pain is a long-term gain, as they’ll eventually conform right to your foot and become very comfortable. When you take the shoes out of the box, feel around them with your fingers for any hard spots in the leather and massage them out. Feel inside the shoe as well, for any pointy thread ends that could prove an irritant and need to be snipped off. Start wearing the shoes slowly at first — just around the house for a bit, and then on short errands. If they create a hot spot or blister, cover it over with moleskin or a Band-Aid, and keep on wearing them. To accelerate the breaking in process, some recommend soaking the shoes in water and getting them completely wet. Sop up the excess water with a towel (realizing the color of the leather may come off on it), and then put the wet shoes on your feet and wear them until they’re dry (don’t try to artificially dry them with something like a hair dryer). Saturating the leather with water allows its fibers to stretch and then shrink to the shape of your foot. I haven’t tried this personally, and thus can’t vouch for its efficacy or safety. The Dos and Don’ts of Wearing Boat Shoes Boat shoes can be a clutch part of your casual summertime wardrobe, taking you to pool parties, picnics, BBQs, dates, outdoor restaurants, beachside get-togethers, errands about-town, rooftop bars, and strolls along the boardwalk. Mind the following dos and don’ts and wherever you go in them, you’ll do it in style.    Do Wear in warmer weather. The boat shoe’s low cut and softer, thinner leather — as well as its seafaring heritage — make this footwear only appropriate for pairing with lightweight pants and shorts and for wearing in the summer and climates that stay warm year-round. The fact that the shoe leaves much of the foot exposed, won’t stand up well to the snow and ice, and doesn’t pair well with pants in thicker fabrics, conversely makes it inappropriate for wearing in the winter and colder climes. Wear with your nicer casual clothes. The boat shoe is casual footwear; as mentioned above, they’re an easy swap for sneakers. But boat shoes up the class level just a notch, so that they look best not with an ordinary t-shirt + jeans/shorts combo, but with a polo shirt, button-down shirt, short-sleeve henley, or guayabera on top, and nicer jeans, khakis, or shorts on the bottom. You can even wear them with a blazer — if you dress down the rest of the elements in your get-up. But once the occasion calls for a tie, you know the boat shoe isn’t the right footwear choice. It isn’t suited for an event that rises above the “smart casual” category. Wear with the right style bottoms. Boat shoes pair best with more tailored (non-cargo) shorts or well-fitted, tapered or straight leg jeans or khakis. Too wide a pant looks funny with little moccasin toes sticking out the bottom. The color of your moccasins should contrast with that of your pants; they should be darker, rather than lighter or the same color as them. This is less important when it comes to navy pants and blue jeans, but light beige boat shoes and light beige chinos are not a good combination. Your pants should break a little higher than normal, ideally just skimming the tops of your shoes; you want to show their distinctive detailing, rather than having them look like a pair of non-descript moccasins. If your pants are long, you can roll them up a little, but don’t get carried away and have them trend into clam-digger territory. Play with different ways to tie your laces. Rawhide laces can come undone when tied with a normal shoelace knot, so consider playing with different ways to tie them, both for the function of keeping them from coming loose, and because different lacing styles can change the look of the shoe (e.g., the barrel knot gives it a more preppy look). You can find a guide to 5 different tying methods here. Take precautions against shoe stink. When you wear boat shoes regularly, especially without socks, your feet are going to sweat a lot in them. And when your feet sweat a lot in them, they’re going to start to smell. Try to mitigate that stank as much as you can by following the guidelines we offer here. Don’t Wear to the office. Boat shoes aren’t a great choice for office wear, even if your office adheres to a “smart casual” dress code. They just exude a leisurely, lounge-y, “after-hours” look that doesn’t say “on the job.” You’d be better off with something still casual but sturdier and more “active,” like a chukka boot or even a nice leather sneaker. It doesn’t seem the no-socks-with-boat-shoes rule has always been iron-clad; if you look at old pictures of men in boat shoes, surprisingly enough, wearing socks (often white ones no less!) with boat shoes seems like it used to be a thing, sported even by the likes of heavyweight boxing champion Ezzard Charles. Wear with socks (probably). Given their sailing, summertime heritage, and the simple fact that any shoe worn with hosiery looks terrible when paired with shorts, boat shoes shouldn’t be worn with socks — at least ones that are visible. For help with sweaty feet, you can still wear the no-show variety, and if even those keep peeping out, try a terry cotton liner instead. Of course, as we already argued, just because something made sense for how a wearable was originally used — like going sockless with boat shoes while sailing — doesn’t mean we have to be beholden to that original model. While it can be hard to shake such a long-standing association and the feeling that socks with boat shoes look altogether wrong, you could wear socks if they were dark (not white), and if you wore pants (not shorts). Hypothetically. But I personally come down on the side of socks never being a good idea. Wear with preppy-reading clothes (unless that’s what you’re going for). As mentioned at the start, boat shoes have a reputation as being the footwear of frat boys and snooty WASPs. To wear them without evoking this image, mediate the shoe’s associations with the rest of your clothes; that is, don’t wear a nautical-striped t-shirt, a pastel-colored polo shirt (with the collar popped), a blazer on top and shorts on the bottom, or Croakie sunglasses. Or talk with a Mid-Atlantic accent. And you should be fine. The post A Man’s Guide to Boat Shoes appeared first on The Art of Manliness. http://dlvr.it/QSXFw5

[magnusrayne]

The pumpkin spice ask, all the asks in between, until the scarves ask?

pumpkin spice: what’s your drink of choice? During the fall??? I really enjoy the Dunkin’ Donuts brand pumpkin spice coffee. I hate getting that drink from the actual place though, they always add WAY too much syrup/sugar. wool socks: what’s something you look forward to in fall? The leaves changing and it getting cool enough to pull out the fuzzy blankets. falling leaves: you’re stranded on a desert island and here’s the twist; what three things do you NOT bring with you? Uh…. A TV, a suit, and a tennis racket. smelly candles: already answered. big sweaters: do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between? the perfect in-between, then cold, then warmth. halloween: if you could dress up as anyone/ anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be? Dante from Devil May Cry 4 or Chrom from Fire Emblem Awakening. cozy blankets: where do you feel the most safe and at home? Honestly either at my mothers or at Hiccup’s parent’s house. hot tea: Already answered flannel: what’s your favorite day of the year? is there a reason it’s your favorite? Probably Halloween for favorite, and least favorite is Easter. chilly air: what’s your least favorite and favorite type of weather? Least favorite is icy weather, favorite is a sunny day that’s not too warm scarves: if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life what would it be?Button up shirt with a waistcoat and black skinny jeans. Maybe a nice pair of sperrys too.

[dtpreek]

[healthnotion]

A Man’s Guide to Boat Shoes

In the 1930s, Paul Sperry, a former Navy Sailor, avid outdoorsman, and designer of duck decoys, bought himself an old schooner that he fixed up and made seaworthy. While he loved to sail it around Long Island Sound, he found to his dismay that the boat’s painted decks were royally slippery when wet. After one particularly bracing fall overboard, Sperry vowed to find a way to get better traction.

Sperry’s first idea involved enhancing the grip of the deck itself by repainting it and sprinkling on the fine grit of emery dust. This did improve the deck’s traction, but, he discovered, “If any part of the human anatomy came into touch with [the deck], it was like giving yourself a rub down with sandpaper.”

So Sperry went back to the drawing board, this time deciding to alter the other side of the contact surface equation: the shoes he wore on deck.

Rubber-soled shoes seemed to be one key in providing a little more stick, but after making hundreds of experiments with them, none truly provided the grip Sperry desired.

Then one day Sperry noticed the way his dog Prince was able to agilely run over icy ground, and a light bulb went off. He examined the pooch’s paws and noted that the cracks and grooves on their pads provided a natural non-slip surface.

A drawing of the siped sole from Sperry’s original patent application.

Sperry set out to build a similar functionality into a pair of shoes, using his penknife to carve a herringbone pattern of sipes (slits) into a set of rubber soles. The textured grip they provided proved highly effective in keeping him steady on his schooner. Sperry also made the soles white, as to not leave any marks on the deck.

The “Sperry Top-Sider” debuted in 1935 with a canvas upper, which was changed two years later to a specially tanned leather. The shoe quickly took off amongst the sailors and skippers around New England and beyond. In 1939, the US Navy contracted with Sperry to supply the Top-Sider to its Sailors and it became part of the official casual uniform at the Naval Academy.

Over the course of the 20th century, what came to be known as the deck shoe or boat shoe gained manufacturers other than the Sperry company and fans far outside nautical circles, becoming indelibly associated with a general East Coast preppy look.

Today, there are those who continue to avoid the boat shoe for that exact association, or because they don’t think a boat shoe ought to be worn on land. But this classic footwear deserves a place as a men’s wardrobe staple. Today we’ll explain why, as well as how to wear them with both comfort and style.

Why Wear a Boat Shoe?

There aren’t a lot of casual summertime footwear choices for men. Especially if you’d like to get extra lightweight and skip the socks. And especially if you’re wearing shorts.

You can go sneakers, which are fine, but can’t rise above the very casual. There are flip-flops, which don’t look great and read as adolescent. And, there’s the boat shoe. These slip-ons are as easy to wear as sneakers or sandals, but look a little sharper and can be paired with slightly dressier clothes. Plus, they’re fairly cool and (at least once they’re broken in) quite comfortable. The boat shoe both looks good and remains functional — you can wear them into water, and even if you won’t find yourself cruising on a yacht anytime soon, they provide good traction on any kind of slippery surface.

These advantages aside, the deck shoe still has its critics.

There are those who say the boat shoe only belongs on a boat. But if a man were to strip his wardrobe of all the clothing and accessories that he didn’t wear in correspondence with their original function, he’d have to remove khakis (originally created for soldiers’ uniforms), the wristwatch (originally created to synchronize military attacks), the pea coat (originally created for sailors), jeans and work boots (originally created for blue collar workers) . . . indeed, so many articles of clothing were first created for another purpose before they ended up as everyday wear, that this man would have to go around almost naked. Just because something began its life to fulfill a particular function, doesn’t mean it can’t now be worn for its aesthetics.

Then there are those who say the boat shoe has too preppy an association. It’s true that this footwear has been worn by many a real, and wannabe, blue blood, as well as legions of fraternity brothers. But the shoe doesn’t have to read as overly preppy; it’s all about how you style it; as we’ll get into below, its overall impression is a matter of what you choose to wear with it.

With those two criticisms hopefully put aside, and a case for the boat shoe made, let’s move on to what defines this footwear, and how to wear it.

What Are Boat Shoes?

Boat shoes are moccasin-like footwear that are distinguished by their low cut, handsewn construction, soft, white, non-skid, non-marking, siped rubber sole, and laces that run not only through 2-3 eyelets (2 being the most traditional) on top of the shoes, but in and out of their sides as well; this 360-degree configuration allows you to cinch the laces all around the shoe for a tighter fit.

While boat shoes are made with both canvas and leather, the latter (which has been treated to repel water) is by far the most traditional and quintessential material, and the laces are typically made from leather (usually rawhide) as well. These laces, at least once cinched and tied, are largely decorative — the shoe functions as slip-on footwear.

How to Choose a Boat Shoe

Different boat shoes don’t look dramatically different from each other; which you choose will come down to the subtle style differences you prefer, as well as the following factors:

Material. Pick a deck shoe in leather — it’s both more durable and snazzier than canvas varieties, and can be paired with slightly dressier clothes for a sharper look.

Shoes made with Horween Chromexcel (a specific type of leather from the Horween tannery) will be a little softer from the get-go and break in a little faster than other leathers, because of the amount of greases and oils it’s made with. 

Color. Boat shoes come in a wide variety of colors these days, but it’s best to go with a darker brown. It’s the most handsome, classic, and versatile color and will go with nearly everything. Navy is a runner-up in the versatility department; it looks great with burgundy and gray bottoms, and decent with ones which are khaki-colored, though it doesn’t look so hot with denim.

Most boat shoes have an elevated heel, but if you’re a fan of more minimalist footwear, check out the boat shoes from Lems which have zero-drop outsoles that are so flexible you can completely roll them up (and stuff them in a bag, if need be). 

Fit. Boat shoes take a while to break in (see below), so don’t expect them to feel like a dream right out the box. That being said, fit is quite important in a shoe you’ll likely be wearing without socks, and there are issues that breaking in won’t fix.

Boat shoes shouldn’t fit too differently from normal shoes, but you want to go for a little snugger fit than you usually would because they will stretch out and get looser as you wear them; you’ll often need to go a half size down from your normal size, and if you’re between sizes, go with the smaller of the two. The snugness is especially important if you plan on wearing the shoes sockless. Make sure the heel doesn’t move around too much, as this is a typical hot spot for boat shoe-induced blisters.

Walk around quite a bit when you’re trying on the shoe to make sure there aren’t any spots that seem to gap open, or greatly pinch or chafe your feet (again, a little chafing is normal).

Brand/Price. Sperry still sells the “Authentic Original” that harkens to the design of the very first model, but these are now imported and get mixed reviews, with some longtime customers reporting that they have declined in quality, comfort, durability, and water resistance. Sebago’s Docksides are another well-known, imported boat shoe that’s about on par in price with Sperry, but which some feel is slightly better in quality. Eastland, Quoddy, and Rancourt make handsome, top quality boat shoes that are handsewn in Maine, but you’ll pay a high premium for domestic craftsmanship.

Personally, while I typically believe in paying top dollar for something that will last forever, I actually prefer my boat shoes to be more disposable (I wear the Sperry A.O.). When you’re wearing something made with a thinner leather, without socks, in hot weather, they invariably wear down fairly quickly, and can also become pretty stinky (though there are ways to mitigate this; see below). Boat shoes can’t be re-soled after they start to deteriorate, and while they can be cleaned, it’s hard to get all the stink out. So I wear them more like a “beater” shoe, and actually don’t want or expect them to last more than a few years; I’d thus recommend buying a pair at a price point that reflects this disposability. Leather boat shoes range from $50 on the low end to $325 on the high end; I think something around the $100 mark represents a good intersection of modest durability and good looks/quality.

Shoes from brands like Sebago and Sperry can have wildly different prices on Amazon and other sites, so be sure to shop around for the best deal.

How to Break in Your Boat Shoes

As just mentioned, boat shoes take some breaking in — and this process can take anywhere from a week to a month, depending on how much you wear them. But the short-term pain is a long-term gain, as they’ll eventually conform right to your foot and become very comfortable.

When you take the shoes out of the box, feel around them with your fingers for any hard spots in the leather and massage them out. Feel inside the shoe as well, for any pointy thread ends that could prove an irritant and need to be snipped off.

Start wearing the shoes slowly at first — just around the house for a bit, and then on short errands. If they create a hot spot or blister, cover it over with moleskin or a Band-Aid, and keep on wearing them.

To accelerate the breaking in process, some recommend soaking the shoes in water and getting them completely wet. Sop up the excess water with a towel (realizing the color of the leather may come off on it), and then put the wet shoes on your feet and wear them until they’re dry (don’t try to artificially dry them with something like a hair dryer). Saturating the leather with water allows its fibers to stretch and then shrink to the shape of your foot. I haven’t tried this personally, and thus can’t vouch for its efficacy or safety.

The Dos and Don’ts of Wearing Boat Shoes

Boat shoes can be a clutch part of your casual summertime wardrobe, taking you to pool parties, picnics, BBQs, dates, outdoor restaurants, beachside get-togethers, errands about-town, rooftop bars, and strolls along the boardwalk. Mind the following dos and don’ts and wherever you go in them, you’ll do it in style.   

Do

Wear in warmer weather. The boat shoe’s low cut and softer, thinner leather — as well as its seafaring heritage — make this footwear only appropriate for pairing with lightweight pants and shorts and for wearing in the summer and climates that stay warm year-round. The fact that the shoe leaves much of the foot exposed, won’t stand up well to the snow and ice, and doesn’t pair well with pants in thicker fabrics, conversely makes it inappropriate for wearing in the winter and colder climes.

Wear with your nicer casual clothes. The boat shoe is casual footwear; as mentioned above, they’re an easy swap for sneakers. But boat shoes up the class level just a notch, so that they look best not with an ordinary t-shirt + jeans/shorts combo, but with a polo shirt, button-down shirt, short-sleeve henley, or guayabera on top, and nicer jeans, khakis, or shorts on the bottom. You can even wear them with a blazer — if you dress down the rest of the elements in your get-up. But once the occasion calls for a tie, you know the boat shoe isn’t the right footwear choice. It isn’t suited for an event that rises above the “smart casual” category.

Wear with the right style bottoms. Boat shoes pair best with more tailored (non-cargo) shorts or well-fitted, tapered or straight leg jeans or khakis. Too wide a pant looks funny with little moccasin toes sticking out the bottom.

The color of your moccasins should contrast with that of your pants; they should be darker, rather than lighter or the same color as them. This is less important when it comes to navy pants and blue jeans, but light beige boat shoes and light beige chinos are not a good combination.

Your pants should break a little higher than normal, ideally just skimming the tops of your shoes; you want to show their distinctive detailing, rather than having them look like a pair of non-descript moccasins. If your pants are long, you can roll them up a little, but don’t get carried away and have them trend into clam-digger territory.

Play with different ways to tie your laces. Rawhide laces can come undone when tied with a normal shoelace knot, so consider playing with different ways to tie them, both for the function of keeping them from coming loose, and because different lacing styles can change the look of the shoe (e.g., the barrel knot gives it a more preppy look). You can find a guide to 5 different tying methods here.

Take precautions against shoe stink. When you wear boat shoes regularly, especially without socks, your feet are going to sweat a lot in them. And when your feet sweat a lot in them, they’re going to start to smell. Try to mitigate that stank as much as you can by following the guidelines we offer here.

Don’t

Wear to the office. Boat shoes aren’t a great choice for office wear, even if your office adheres to a “smart casual” dress code. They just exude a leisurely, lounge-y, “after-hours” look that doesn’t say “on the job.” You’d be better off with something still casual but sturdier and more “active,” like a chukka boot or even a nice leather sneaker.

It doesn’t seem the no-socks-with-boat-shoes rule has always been iron-clad; if you look at old pictures of men in boat shoes, surprisingly enough, wearing socks (often white ones no less!) with boat shoes seems like it used to be a thing, sported even by the likes of heavyweight boxing champion Ezzard Charles.

Wear with socks (probably). Given their sailing, summertime heritage, and the simple fact that any shoe worn with hosiery looks terrible when paired with shorts, boat shoes shouldn’t be worn with socks — at least ones that are visible. For help with sweaty feet, you can still wear the no-show variety, and if even those keep peeping out, try a terry cotton liner instead.

Of course, as we already argued, just because something made sense for how a wearable was originally used — like going sockless with boat shoes while sailing — doesn’t mean we have to be beholden to that original model. While it can be hard to shake such a long-standing association and the feeling that socks with boat shoes look altogether wrong, you could wear socks if they were dark (not white), and if you wore pants (not shorts). Hypothetically. But I personally come down on the side of socks never being a good idea.

Wear with preppy-reading clothes (unless that’s what you’re going for). As mentioned at the start, boat shoes have a reputation as being the footwear of frat boys and snooty WASPs. To wear them without evoking this image, mediate the shoe’s associations with the rest of your clothes; that is, don’t wear a nautical-striped t-shirt, a pastel-colored polo shirt (with the collar popped), a blazer on top and shorts on the bottom, or Croakie sunglasses. Or talk with a Mid-Atlantic accent. And you should be fine.

The post A Man’s Guide to Boat Shoes appeared first on The Art of Manliness.

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Leather-based Boat Sneakers: Do They Nonetheless Have got a Up to date Picture Today?

The boat shoe (or deck shoe since it is likewise called) has firmly established by itself to be a practical, at ease and common variety of manner shoe that's keds womens shoes now on a regular basis worn by both equally males and females across substantially of Western Europe along with the United states. But do they still have a very role to participate in in today's style or are they now yesterday's footwear? Let's start out by getting a quick appear at just how boat footwear advanced in the first place as that should permit us to better comprehend just what the future could maintain. They're frequently deemed to generally be a relatively modern-day layout, although the first boating shoes may be traced back so far as 1935. The brain child of Paul Sperry, the enterprise Sperry Top-Sider still exists and it has offered increase towards the expression top-siders, one more name for deck sneakers employed around the globe. The groundbreaking idea for women's and men's boat footwear was proven following Paul Sperry spotted the pattern around the soles of his pet dog's paws enabled it to gain further grip in icy and wet weather problems. Sperry employed the same strategy around the sole of his original style and design of deck footwear through the use of a knife to acquire what is generally known as a siping sample, similar to the tread of a motor vehicle tyre. The prototype rapidly developed right into a shoe that grew to become well-liked for obtaining more grip to the damp, slippery decks of the boat and integrated oiled leather-based uppers to aid continue to keep them as watertight as you can plus a watertight rubber sole that not just delivered additional grip, but was designed in a very way that meant they did not depart untidy scuff marks to the picket decks of sailing boats either. The phrase boat shoe stems from this nautical history and in some cases right now boating footwear are generally worn without having socks, recalling some time if the wearer's ft ended up always soaked and wearing socks was not a simple possibility. In recent a long time, deck footwear have advanced from only getting a largely purposeful form of footwear and developed into casual men's and girls shoes that seem equally as in your own home when worn with shorts since they do by using a set of chinos or denims. The convenience they're able to offer you, which is partly the result of the common moccasin building, has meant which they have become a wanted variety of shoe in sure nations around the world in Western Europe in which they're generally worn for the business and combined with a lounge go well with or jacket. This transformation in position has resulted in boat keds sale sneakers also now staying made making use of canvas in addition as being the far more regular leather uppers, generating a shoe that is certainly not only at ease but may be quickly dried out if it receives damp. Certainly, these canvas footwear will not repel h2o as efficiently since the oil-treated leather footwear will, but regardless of this they may have become a favorite type of light-weight summer months shoe for men and ladies of any age. The variety of various colors on offer has also greater over time to cater for this progress in need. Blue and brown tend to be vans authentic shoes the favored shades for men's boat shoes, whilst a spread of additional sensitive colours are actually also usually produced and provide a wider selection of deck sneakers for ladies. Deck sneakers have stood the test of your time too as every other style of shoe and their physical appearance has modified exceptionally minimal while in the previous eighty yrs or so, a testomony for the primary high quality of your idea. The attractiveness of boat footwear appears to originate from the blend of type, practicality and luxury, the fundamental substances of a lot of probably the most preferred trend trends that have set up themselves during the last 100 a long time.

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Do you remember? Do you still remember the first time we met? It was our friend's debut. Remember what I said to you? The moment you entered the room, I was mesmerized how your smile dances in your face even though it wasn't for me. Do you still remember the first time you talked to me? You were asking for something and I handed you one at the same time I got star-struck. I still remember the first night that I met you. I remember when I first laid eyes on you. I still remember the first time I saw you wearing your brown jeans and white Polo. I still remember how you slay wearing those clothes without even knowing you are slaying. Remember when the cops came? I was afraid that we're going to have separate ways cause we're already having our conversation and I still didn't want it to end but when I said "Mc Arthur" you replied "cge maupod kami". Remember when you chose to walk only with your socks on just to let me use your sperry because I was ranting of how my feet hurt while wearing those heels? I still remember the first time you hugged me, the first time that your skin came in contact with me while your lips are pressing into mine, they were so soft and warm. But I lost it. Ever since you left, I see you in every little things. I remember how you love dogs so much that every time I met one, they remind me of you. I remember you every time I saw your favorite basketball player, your favorite food, or things that you dislike the most. At first it made me smile. But then I remember that everything’s over. We’re over. I can no longer hear you talk about your day. I can no longer see the spark in your eyes every time you talk about the things that you’re passionate about. I can no longer hear your rants, your laughter, everything about you, I just don’t have it anymore. And it hits me. It hits me hard that I could feel the lump in my throat as well as the pain in my chest which would usually bring me to tears. I’m weak, indeed. You see, it was never easy for me to let go.

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Best Slip-On Shoes For Men

#SevynStreeter", "#Playboy #http://blog.hair-terminator.com 15 Stylish Slip-On Shoes That"ll Have You Ditching Your Sneakers ASAP March 19, 2017 Share Tweet Whether you’re doing kick flips in the parking lot or removing your shoes at airport security, slip-on shoes are a great option

#SevynStreeter", "#Playboy #http://blog.hair-terminator.com

15 Stylish Slip-On Shoes That"ll Have You Ditching Your Sneakers ASAP

March 19, 2017 Share Tweet Whether you’re doing kick flips in the parking lot or removing your shoes at airport security, slip-on shoes are a great option for the guy on the go. Generally laceless and always easily removable, slip-on shoes are ideal for frequent flyers or for your next beach jaunt. Thanks to high-end riffs on traditional slip-on shoes, you can now get classic styles like Vans, Toms and Sperry’s in luxurious leather and luscious suede finishes, and more suave colorways. Think of a slip-on shoe as the cousin to a sneaker: when paired right you can wear them with a suit, or just save them for your weekend wardrobe or a pair of cuffed denim. To pull off slip-on skate shoes without looking like your preferred method of transportation is a long board, avoid more youthful prints like checks, cartoons, or flames. Same rule for what you pair the shoes with: a band t-shirt is cool but pairing that with Vans can tread into teen territory. When wearing slip-on shoes, sockless is generally the way to go. Especially with silhouettes like smoking sandals and loafers, socks can make the shoes look clunky and nerdy. To avoid any odors that come with going sockless, ball up a dryer sheet and leave them in your shoes after each use, or opt for a store-bought deodorizing powder.

Rivieras Classic

If skate shoes aren’t your thing, Riviera’s canvas slip-ons have all the appeal of a slip-on skate shoe, but offer up a more dapper, European silhouette. The durable canvas outer keeps your shoes intact wherever the road may take you, while the soft terry cloth lining and sheepskin inner will keep your feet ultra comfy for hours and hours of wear.$49.00 at Huckberry.com

TOMS Cash Men’s Avalon Slip-On

There’s a reason TOMS have been one of the biggest footwear crazes in the past decade: the minimalistic style goes with just about any casual look and the lightweight design makes them perfect for traveling. Plus, for the more altruistic folks out there, TOMS donates a pair of shoes to a child in need with every pair sold.$44.00 at TOMS.com

Converse Chuck Taylor Vintage Slip-On Sneaker

There’s nothing like a classic Converse. The sneaker, favored by everyone from rock gods to teen miscreants, is ultra versatile. Pair them with denim on the weekend or a suit on the weekday. This pair boasts all the ‘tude of the traditional Converse silhouette, but the lace-less finish make the shoes ideal for travelling or slipping on when you’re in a rush.$70.00 at Nordstrom.com

Seavees Hawthorne Slip-On

These aren’t your little brother’s slip-ons. The sumptuous suede finish and neutral grey colorway adds an upscale feel to the traditional slip-on silhouette. Plus, the perforated foot-bed not only adds a serious comfort factor, but lets in a breeze to combat any funky odors that come with going sockless.$90.00 at BespokePost.com

Kenneth Cole Refined Leather Sneaker

Oil-slick black finish and a modernistic construction make these Kenneth Cole kicks ooze downtown cool. Since these shoes have such a fresh finish, feel free to wear them with a more formal look to impress your boss or turn a few heads. Don’t let the leather finish fool you though — the sneaker aesthetic and Velcro straps make these shoes uber-comfortable and easy to slip off at the end of the night.$99.00 at KennethCole.com

Aldo Chimone Boat Shoe

Heading out on a trip? Aldo’s Chimone boat shoe calf-skin and cork construction makes it light and bendable enough to slip in the side of a briefcase or in any carry-on without adding extra weight. The crisp leather finish makes it a more high-end alternative to a traditional slip-on.$100.00 at Amazon.com

Hudson Ipanema

Skate shoes or slip-on sneaks don’t really fit your wardrobe? Make like the Italians and opt for a smoking shoe in a high-end finish. The leather weave and light silhouette of this Hudson smoking sandal makes it an ideal shoe for summer days, whether you’re on the coast of Italy or just running errands Stateside.$100.00 at Huckberry.com

The Rail Nathan Slip-On

Smooth suede, slight perforations, and a contrast sole give this slip-on a modern appeal. Pro tip: to keep the white sole fresh after weeks of wear, attack any dirt or scuff marks with nail polish remover.$60.00 at Nordstrom.com

Nike Zoom Stefan Janoski Slip-On

Nike created a traditional skate shoe with a sportier twist, complete with a big Nike branding on the side. Pair with high-end sweats or some straight legged denim for a more streetwear-infused look. Plus, even though they boast a heavier silhouette, the shoe is super lightweight.$80.00 at Nordstrom.com

TOMS Black On Black Classic

In the hot, hot, heat of the summer months, canvas shoes will keep your feet as cool as they can while avoiding any funky odors. TOMS new black on black colorway gives an urban feel to the traditional lightweight traveling shoe.$48.00 at TOMS.com

Sperry Bahama Boat Shoe

Sperry’s boat shoes have been and always will be a summertime staple. The no-slip tread and waterproof leather finish makes it one of the best summer shoes , even if you’re not headed anywhere near a boat.$60.00 at Nordstrom.com

Mark McNairy x Generic Surplus Slip-On Woolrich

The infamous Mark McNairy teamed up with New York retailer Generic Surplus to create a slick pair of slip-ons that have all the attitude of your teenage pair of slip-ons, but the high-end wool finish and slick white treads make it an adult-appropriate shoe.$55.00 at GenericSurplus.com

Vass Canvas Slip-On Shoe

Saturdays NYC’s take on the slip-on shoe has the laid-back feel of a typical slip-on, but the high-tech canvas finish makes it much more appropriate for Saturdays in the city. Plus, a thicker sole will give a subtle lift to any shorter guys.$47.00 at SaturdaysNYC.com

Soludas Smoking Slipper

Your classic smoking slipper gets a Mediterranean twist, thanks to an espadrille finish and a light-washed canvas upper. Uber lightweight construction and a close fit make these slippers a breezy option for combating the heat.$38.00 at Huckberry.com

Vans Classic Slip-On Shoe

Finally, we can break out the best kicks from our childhood without looking like an extra from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. A slick pair of shoes from the California skate brand will add a hint of youthful rebellion to a pair of cuffed denim. Pro tip: avoid the checkered finish unless you’re heading to a Slipknot concert.From $26.00 at Amazon.com

Related ReadingsBest Boat Shoes For MenBest Casual Dress Shoes5 Dress Shoe Styles

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