#still figuring this out at 40

[kelticangel]

Been seeing lots of hopeless romantic aroace posts lately and while I really don't want to co-opt the aroace narrative and momentum, it's made me think about my own experience. So I'm gonna share a bit in hopes of sorting my own thoughts 💜 Please bear with me as this might not be fully coherent

I consider myself a hopeless romantic, and I'm asexual, but I've been vibing (a little uncomfortably) with the idemromantic and panromantic microlabels. And despite all of my recent questioning, I still feel like most of that is accurate about me. Most? Most. I think I've figured out why those microlabels weren't quite sitting right

I think they're a product of purity culture

Let me explain

As a teen, I felt like I wasn't "allowed" to make deep friendships with boys. It wasn't explicitly forbidden or anything (my parents were actually v supportive of me) but I definitely felt the social pressure to only be friends with girls because otherwise someone might think I was romantically interested and "how dare I lead someone on if I'm not wanting to date or beginning to plan for marriage." That was the feel. This was super tough for me because I've always gotten along better with guys than with girls - I just never had much in common with the giggly, makeup wearing, outfit shopping crowd

So I learned to associate all of the close connection I felt with guys with the feel of romance. Playfulness was called flirting. Wanting to spend time with someone was called crushing. Etc, etc, etc. You get the picture. And while I'm genuinely romantically attracted to masculinity, regardless of the person's gender, it so ended up that I never had much practice at being just normal friends with someone masculine

I've always felt like I suck at making good, deep, meaningful friendships. I fall into mom-friend mode with most people who have more stereotypically feminine traits, which limits how much I feel like I can be open with them. And my silly unpracticed skill at being normal around masculinity means I sometimes romanticize relationships when I'm actually trying to just be good friends. And then I scare them off with my weirdness or intensity

So, where've I landed, then?

Ace: No question. I'm not even demisexual or greyace or anything

Romantic: Hopelessly so

Panromantic: Yes ... sort of? Maybe andro-romantic is a better word? Is that even a word?

Idemromantic: Yes, but this is one that I think (for me) is the product of dysfunction and can be fixed. (Please note that I'm not saying idemromantic orientations are problematic in general)

Gonna leave this here 💜 Maybe it resonates with you, maybe not. If it does, know that you're not alone

[four-pointed-leaf]

why me?

[yzafre]

I've decideeeed to do a "draw fast" experiment this week. Basically: given a sketch I already have on hand, I have to get to "finish" (new line art, flats, & shading) in under two hours - the closer to 1hr, the better.

The idea with this is that, like... trying to get a fast time will keep me from sitting and overthinking things, then fidgeting with it. I just gotta get stuff on the page. Don't know how, if at all, it'll help my art, but I think it'll be fun.

I figured my "three iteration" sketches I did last week were good ones to use, so have some Leo's for today. This one was at 1hr 32min.

[odd-chips]

Tim's First Pride! 🌈 ✨

I think he would be a little uncomfortable in the beginning, but he'd be very glad he went!!

Bonus sketch of a post-Pride Tim featuring his sister, Josephine, who pushed him to attend in the first place (and another sketch of accidentally bumping into a familiar face):

[juniper-clan]

how do you avoid burnout when making a big project like this? been thinking about making a clangen blog but i’m worried my motivation will fizzle out before i can get to the parts i really wanna draw

Hyper fixation helps a LOT.

and I think I've harped on this subject every ask: make it something you give a shit about. I love history so it got shoved in. I make mental notes of when everyone is born and when major events are, based off calendars from the 1700s for fun. If I'm ever struggling, I look at other Clangens for inspiration, or information relevant to the fixation.

[possessable]

Oops Symbiote Edith

???????

[handweavers]

i've lost so much weight this year entirely by accident like i got really sick earlier this year and lost like 30 pounds because i couldn't eat properly and now i'm better but i'm still losing a lot of weight and all of my clothes are massive on me so i have to tailor them because it's not like comfortably oversized anymore it just looks like i'm drowning in fabric. i had made my peace with being my previous size/weight for years so this change in my body over the last 6 months makes me feel unsettled lol

[aunmenosheteroenespanol]

911 Season 1 + Buck being a baby (derogatory)

[random-lil-illing]

coloured versions of the girlfailure <3

[1dklikesthings]

TURNS OUT CCCC TURNS A YEAR OLD ON THE 3RD IN MY TIMEZONE IM NOT TOO LATE

CCCC ALBUM COVER REDRAW BE UPON YE

(reblogs appreciated! :3)

[nobodysdaydreams]

Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.

[carlyraejepsans]

I’ve started watching Utena because of you. What. Is going on

HI. WELCOME TO THE CLUB, watch the trigger warnings. but yeah, revolutionary girl utena veers more and more towards surrealism the further you get into the series. it often and voluntarily forfeits narrative/logical consistency in favor of visual storytelling, metaphors and symbolism. i was just talking about it with nic the other day, and if the story weren't so harrowing, i would recommend it to everyone who wants to get into literary analysis, because it is SO packed with symbolism EVERYWHERE that it actually encourages you to try to decode it.

whatever you think utena is about, it is NOT. you can't go in and treat it like your 49293th classical shoujo. utena is a firework show of visual symbolism and it very rarely, if ever, explains itself to the viewer. it refuses to handhold you, but it never berates you for trying and getting it wrong either. there is SO much handholding in modern day media, but utena trusts its viewer to take away something meaningful from itself and to piece its message together on their own. it's one of my favourite pieces of media of all time just for that

[whoblewboobear]

Foaming at the mouth and going feral waiting for Fig to open up more to her parents and friends 🤧 I rmr all through middle school and high school holding everything in and being unsure about myself and putting on a tough mask with walls so high because I wanted to hide and not exist and just.. 🤧 having friends that were patient and loving and understanding even if they didn’t know my whole deal was life changing. I just wanna wrap Fig up in a big hug and tell her that she doesn’t need to have it all figured out, but that she’s still wanted and appreciated for all the qualities and facets that she exudes regardless of if she can lay all those things out and understand them. Despite it all, who she is and who she will become: She is loved. She is wanted. She should exist.

[disdaidal]

I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

[hueberryshortcake]

speaking of archives I rolled up into the historical society christmas party (it was held in the back of a 160yo jail I bet you wish you were me) and was surprised that I was the only babyfaced community college student in a room full of 60yos who volunteer for funsies because they have nothing better to do than look at documents all day and wait for their grandkids to get home from school. idk why this keeps happening to me I keep thinking "THIS function will have young adults in it" and they never do because young adults are usually normaller than me

[unohanadaydreams]

mars im here to save u from capitalism babe 🧍‍♀️ (mia, shinjis annoying wife and the dilf queen)

Mia save me....save me, mia! Honestly me and capitalism have been pretty neck for neck, but I could use an extra set of fists to push me in a clear lead lmao.

ALSO I'M SO GLAD YOURE BACK I MISSED YOU!! Shia shipping back on! Bleach Dilf renaissance resumed!