#still processing this one tbh
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at my previous job, I was actively encouraged by my boss to use chatgpt to write copy and then edit what it produced "to save time." On the occasions I tried it, not only did this not especially save me time, but it obviated how little he valued my original writing. And honestly, it obviated how little he valued our CLIENTS that he was perfectly willing to sacrifice carefully conisdered, effective copy for "it gets the job done" generic drivel.
AI didn't replace my job per se, but it revealed that my job had been crappy from the beginning. It turned out that I had been putting forth my best writing only for my own pride and satisfaction, and my best work had never been recognized by the person paying me.
And if I was going to put forth my best writing merely for my own pride and satisfaction, I was gonna write more fanfiction and RP with my friends.
#liv.txt#still processing this one tbh#this isn't even getting into using AI generated adobe images in lieu of our clients' real photos taken of real people#to attempt to project employee and customer diversity our clients didn't actually have 🙃#that one truly felt ethically wrong
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There's no turning back.
... Is there anyone who'll be able to survive what lies ahead?
#millions knives#trimax#trigun spoilers#knives sure as fuck didn't lmao#ending my sick drawing saga with this one <3 i feel better now thx#yeah i'll give knives the piano piece. fuck you#i do love drawing knives beautiful. i loved doing the detailing on this one tbh it was a ton of fun#now i am less confident in the background but. what can you do :3 what i get for trying not to use red ig#it's so interesting that quote is from elendira too. she really just wanted to watch the world burn. get it girl <3#manga#illustration#artists on tumblr#drawing#my art#comic#fanart#trigun#i've been drawing too much knives for someone who likes other characters way better lmao. listen. im still processing the uhh#my own sibling trauma ok#drawing diablo vash is therapeutic in a similar way tbh lmfao
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Approximately four more months until Schlotti is back on the pitch...
#Borussia Dortmund#schlottiposting#Nico Schlotterbeck#girlies it's missing Schlotti hours#yes October is worst case scenario in terms of his rehabilitation process but I don't expect him to be back much earlier tbh#I'm so happy that Mausi has returned to training but it's still not the same without Schlotti#o babygirl where art thou. please return from your honeymoon!#put on that one nice black shirt you own and make one (1) public appearance to officially extend your contract!#screaming crying etc etc
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reading an article on narcissus and goldmund and thinking "this is way too focused on jungian archetypes and not queer enough. also not batshit crazy enough"
#don't get me wrong the article wasn't bad in fact it was very interesting#but i think that looking at it solely from jungian lens (or other referencial material) doesn't do the book justice#also the anima and animus analysis imo doesn't often work#for the fact that 1. we have two characters who are presented as the opposites while both being men#who are two sides of the same coin/could be read as two halves of one person (I Need To Examine That More).#3. if we explore anima in goldmund... then wtf do we explore in narcissus? like ... the Default? the Man?#(tbh i think anima/animus are quite silly concepts despite being progressive then and jung def being onto something)#i actually like that the concepts of maternal (physical) and paternal (spiritual) worlds are in a way divorced from the gender#they're more like prevalent parts in individual humans (but innate to everyone in different proportions)#4. ultimately both represent two extremes to the point of not being ''realistic'' human beings at times#but still reaching to the other side/world because. well how can you live otherwise#narcissus with his love toward goldmund that retains his personhood and makes him question everything he believes in#golmund finding an outlet to the intense chaotic fleeting and cruel nature of material world in the form of art (partially spirit)#(also even prayers are presented as this kind of therapeudic quasi form of art which is interesting)#side note: it's a loss that we don't see TheSpirit in fem characters. there are moments that made me wonder that about lydia and lizbeth#but idk if that was the intention with them i might be reading too much into it#yet we have agnes who is in a way a reflection of goldmund equal to him... what a woman#txttag#narcissus and goldmund#hermann hesse#don't mind me i Still haven't processed this novel and i might have been ogre ulysses meme all these years#but im reluctant on reading about it because the novel is deeply personal to me and i wanna exercise my own thoughts#this time i just kinda stumbled upon it as i was looking for a (free) digital version of the book lmao#you used to be able to just google search an old book in russian and read/download it... what a shame
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Clone^2 danny headcanons and/or facts that i wanted to expand on but didn't have the motivation or inspiration to write a ficlet about. Ultimately most of these are ideas that already exist in canon clone^2 but are only now being expanded on/explored/stated specifically.
Because I'm procrasinating cfau and passively thinking about clone danny and damian again.
1 - As he's liminal, Danny generates his own ectoplasm. He generates it at a slower rate than the casual ghost but faster than the average liminal. It's what gives him an ecto-signature and results in him triggering his parents' weapons and ecto-sensors.
The ectoplasm he generates actually has a use, and he tends to burn through his supply while he's fighting because of all the physical energy he spends + the use of his scary eyes requires (albeit really minor amounts of) ectoplasm to use. It also has health benefits, as using his ectoplasm keeps his heartbeat steady and lessens the risk of his arrhythmia flaring up due to all of his physical activity and adrenaline.
It does happen occasionally that he uses up more ectoplasm than he can replace, and this has the expected negative effects on his health as all that adrenaline and stress catches up to his heart without a buffer to mitigate it. He carries a canteen full of diluted ectoplasm with him in order to give his system the boost it needs in order to stabilize itself, which he can usually tell when he needs due to excessive fatigue/chest pains/dizziness/other arrhythmia symptoms he gets that means he's low on ectoplasm.
2 - Danny's arrhythmia is a form of bradycardia (which is a slower heartbeat) -- what type? Unspecified / Unknown thanks to it being ectoplasmic in nature.
3 - In that same breath, Danny also has to burn that ectoplasm off in some form or another because if he doesn't it builds up and causes him the same issues as if he was too low. It also causes him to become more emotionally volatile, restless, irritable, overstimulated, etc, which the stress of that then makes his heart condition worsen. If too much ectoplasm builds up, it'll cause a physical electrical shock/shortage. This is rare however, and usually is the equivalent of giving someone a painful static shock. At best it makes the lights flicker or technology fritz out for a few seconds.
While it doesn't have much effect on the physical world, it does expend a good chunk of ectoplasm. Think like dumping out a heavy bucket of water that you've been carrying for a while, or getting into a hot shower after being outside in the cold for hours. It's emotionally draining but very relieving.
4 - Danny can replenish ectoplasm or generate ectoplasm faster by resting, eating, consuming other ectoplasm (fastest), fulfilling his interests / doing things that makes him happy, or by being exposed to high amounts of ectoplasm in the area. He can also rapidly generate it by being in a volatile emotional state, but that drains ectoplasm almost as quickly, and runs the risk of causing flare ups in his arrhythmia.
5 - this is actually canon to the au but I figured it wouldn't hurt to expand more on it / clarify / confirm, but Danny post-Damian has chronic pain in his hands from the nerve damage he sustained. He has daily physical therapy exercises he's supposed to do that he does in the mornings/evenings and whenever his hands hurt/feel stiff. He wears compression gloves in his day-to-day life and gets Sam and Tucker's help to brainstorm ideas about how to make compression gloves for Phantom that can include his knuckledusters. His grip and hand strength is weakened.
He has bad hand days where his hands hurt more than usual. This can happen at random, but is more common after he's overused/strained his hands either the day before or earlier in the day. His fingers stiffen up for similar reasons, and he gets tremors. It's happened before where (for example) he's braiding his hair and unbraiding it, only to need someone else to finish the braid because his fingers stiffened up and don't want to work like he wants them to.
Massages, heat, pressure, etc. helps soothe the pain, and since Danny's a fidgety person his friends and family can usually tell when he has a flare up because any hand movements he was doing prior ceased/slowed suddenly, or he starts massaging his hands / stretching out his fingers.
Damian very stubbornly insists on massaging his hands for him when this happens, he has a lot of intense guilt for being the reason for Danny's chronic pain so he wants to alleviate it in anyway he can.
6 - Danny has what I like to call "Bruce-isms", a word I came up with just now that means he has Bruce Wayne mannerisms that come from the fact that he's still Bruce's clone. A Nature vs. Nurture thing. His Bruce-isms include the Bruce Grunts Of Ambiguous Tonal Meaning ("hm", "hrm", "hn"), his workaholism, his paranoia (on a milder scale), etc. They're small, relatively non-defining things that are quirks but don't make up his personality.
He's got what Sam and Tucker like to call "Bruce Wayne Moments" which are essentially Bruce-isms but only ones that Danny and his friends are aware of considering they only know Bruce as Brucie Wayne and not Batman. "Bruce Wayne Moments" include Danny being clumsy, doing something air-headed, being oblivious, etc. It's not a common joke among the three of them since Tucker and Sam know that Danny's still pr sensitive to the whole clone thing. So they only bring it up when he's done something stupid but hilarious.
7 - while clone^2 focuses more on Danny and Damian's relationship and Danny helping Damian develop his identity beyond just "Damian Wayne's Clone", Danny still suffers from his own identity crises. He sometimes gets jealous of Ellie and Damian for being "lucky" that they always knew they were clones, rather than finding out later in life.
He's aware that this is not fair to think and that Damian and Ellie both have their own struggles as clones, but he can't help it sometimes.
He tries not to think about it too much, but when things get too quiet or when he's not busy, Danny can't help but wonder how much of himself is things he's learned on his own and come from him, and how much of it comes from being Bruce Wayne's clone. He has to stop and count how many things are unique about him specifically when he starts to emotionally spiral. It's not rational, but it's not supposed to be.
As a result Danny kinda, hm, clings to his identity as the Phantom, just a little bit? He thinks it's one of the few things that he has autonomous control over as "Danny Fenton", rather than it being a result of him being Bruce Wayne's clone. Because Bruce Wayne isn't a vigilante! Right? Right?
Consequently this becomes one of the reasons that Damian keeps mum about Bruce Wayne's identity. The original reasons were because Danny asked not to know much about the LoA beyond what Damian already told him, and Batman was technically "apart" of the LoA, and secondly because he just didn't want Danny to get involved with Batman and co and Danny knowing about Bruce Wayne's identity could potentially cause that.
But as time goes on Damian kinda notices like, just how being a clone is affecting Danny even if he hides it from Damian pretty well. He can't really comprehend what it was like for Danny to grow up thinking he was normal like everyone else only to find out he was a clone, but he does see the hurt it's causing his brother. And he does notice that Danny was holding onto being Phantom quite a bit, and figured that if he found out Bruce Wayne was also a vigilante, it would hurt him beyond belief.
8 - So Danny's creation has been kept relatively,,, mmm,,, vague? considering I've been struggling for a time how I could plausibly have his creation happen without Bruce finding out about it immediately. And my conclusion is that around the time Danny was created, Bruce met up with the Fenton parents again for some reason or another -- checking out their tech under the guise of wanting to catch up with them.
And I can imagine that, due to being close friends in college, the Fentons literally just outright told him, "Hey we wanna 'nother kid but don't want to go through the risk of pregnancy again, so we're gonna make a clone of one of us instead"
and in true Bruce fashion, he mentally went "wow i should learn Everything And Anything About This Thing Specifically. Just In Case." and outwardly went "woah cool! ahaha how does it work"
and since the Fentons consider Bruce a close friend and are also incapable of Not Talking About Science, turned and went "OH WE CAN SHOW YOU" and showed Bruce their entire cloning process up to and including how they (safely) extracted the DNA they were gonna use. of which they already had. they were gonna just extract Jack's DNA a second time as an example, but it was Bruce who said "hey you should try me instead" in order to gauge how exactly safe this was and if there were any symptoms he would need to recognize in cloning.
so with his consent they did, and then showed him how they were going to use the DNA to make a clone without actually going through the process. Without prompting from Bruce, the Fentons went "we're gonna throw your DNA away though since we don't want this lying around and because we have no use for it" and visibly showed him that they were disposing it.
Bruce came to the conclusion that the Fentons weren't planning anything nefarious, they just really wanted another kid, and (reluctantly) left afterwards. The mixup comes when Maddie, surprisingly, misplaces the cartridge with Jack's DNA in it and while they could have always gotten another sample, it was better and safer to just try and find the original before that.
Jack finds Bruce's in their disposable. In his excitement, he forgets that it was Bruce's DNA, and manages to get it out safely. Maddie wasn't looking when he found it, and in her excitement also forgot to ask where Jack found it. They used that cartridge instead.
When they found out they used the wrong DNA, Danny was already about year old and while Jack and Maddie are morally dubious, they're only morally dubious towards ghosts. Danny was their beloved human baby, they would never do anything to him.
That being said, they were still horrified when they found out, and really, they genuinely did consider reaching out to Bruce to tell him. They thought it was something he deserved to know since it was his DNA that got used instead, and they felt awfully guilty after he trusted them enough to let them draw DNA from him. The only reason they hadn't is because, at the time, Bruce had been really busy with something in his public life and they didn't want to bother him during such a stressful time.
So they were going to wait, and in Fenton-like fashion, forgot to tell him. When the subject came up again sometime later, they assumed they already told Bruce and went about their day.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#bruce you getting cloned by accident is technically your fault man. you knew the fentons in college you know what they're like /j#i kept kinda vague about danny's chronic pain prior since i don't have it myself so i didn't want to portray it incorrectly. but i want to#confirm it now that danny has chronic pain in his hands. and also that his arrhythmia does affect him more than just “slow heartbeat”#and the ectoplasm he makes acts more like a weird pacemaker than an actual cure for his arrhythmia.#clone^2 au might be more about danny and damian and damian's issues but by god does danny have his own too that he just. shoves to the side#danny canonically has only known he was a clone for a year before he got damian. thats not a long time for something that substantial tbh#and he was still in the process of coming to terms with it when damian ended up in his life.#danny started carrying his canteen of ghost juice with him after he passed out one too many times after a fight when he was low on ectoplas#danny hinges a little too much of his identity on being Phantom because he thinks it's the only really major thing about him that isn't#a result of him being a clone. so uh -aha - him finding out bruce is a vigilante too is gonna be pretty ugly.#arrhythmia isn't always permanent but it CAN be and in danny's case it is
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Being a writer and dealing emotional damage to yourself in the process

#kee speaks#its been a lomg week and its currently 2 AM and I'm still working#ive been plucking away at a fic all week and while thinking of what the thought process of this character#i came up with a couple lines that i feel are pretty devastating tbh#and it doesnt help that one of the characters I'm writing- the one from whose perspective this story is from#is one that i associate with my sister a lot because she wrote several fics with him#and i re-read them semi often#im like. i feel like im sitting here tapping two wine glasses together and i know im going to break down crying if they shatter#but i can't help but keep tapping them together#so the shattering and crying is inevitable but it's just a matter of *when*
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Reunion xoxo
#been thinking about djinn queen nya sooo mucchhhhh#shes so sillllaaayyy#also she is really slow since the poison already entered her bloodstream when she turned into a djinn#its still being processed but it will take a while#braincellshipping if you squint#tbh djinn queen nya doesnt really care about anyone at first really only searching for jay to meet up#zane is the first one she finds so she latches onto him pretty badly#he doesnt like it that mich but he cant get rid of her so he just lives with it#bem au#mxt#eye strain
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naruto: to be fair i get obsessed with all the sad people i meet
sasuke: oh so you’re like this with everyone then?
naruto: oh god no i’m the most obsessed with you by FAR i was just trying to make you feel a little less weird about it
#naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto incorrect quotes#sasunaru#sns#uzumaki naruto#uchiha sasuke#narutos weird (affectionate) about all his loved ones except sasuke#he’s full on insane about him which tbh?#understandable#id be insane about him too#also i know we already talk about it a lot but i still think we need to talk more about how weirded out sasuke is#he straight up tried to spare naruto when they were 12 thinking hed never see him again#then naruto just devotes his entire life to the process like bitch you THOUGHT#iconic
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talking to other people about ohshc is so frustrating sometimes when they see it just as a dumb gay harem with outdated language and incest.. like what do you mean not everyone knows that its about growing up and learning to process your own trauma with relationships and then learning to navigate new kinds of relationships and feelings of connection to others and dealing with jealousy and trust issues and grief and letting yourself be happy...
#ohshc#and oh my god we get it just shut up about the incest#its a fucking joke about other manga tropes#i love the anime but i really wish people also took the time to read the manga#like ohshc is one of the most important pieces of media to me like Ever tbh#which is like. a very bold statement to say i knokw#i know its a silly and dumb show and ive only known it for a few months but at the point of my life it's coming at...#its justreally relevant and it helps me process everything while still being light enough for me to enjoy without breaking down crying ever#time i think about it#shut up mars#ignore me im very emotional right now and ohshc is my way to cope with my Friendstuff and Graduating !
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#SO happy with how this turned out#drawing this was one big “trust the process”#käärijä#kaarija#art#digital art#bleh#my art#2025 edit: im still so happy w this. one of my greatest works tbh
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random snippet - birthday duels
aka Terrible Time Tuesday (yes, I posted parts of this yesterday. But the new parts, which is most of it, are fun! I promise!!)
Rook was not having a good time on Sunday, and this was before he died from a plethora of stab wounds. Would you believe me if I said this was one of the "best" times he's dealt with bad feelings? pov: Rook wordcount: 1.1k character(s): Rook (D&D), Tyra (NPC), Aki (Other PC) canon status: canon session rewrite trigger warnings: death mention, grief, guilt, self-hatred, very unhealthy coping mechanisms summary: on the birthday of his recently deceased friend, Rook struggles to deal with his emotions and winds up taking them out on his first mate, Tyra.
As the day wore on, the black cloud of grief that had settled over the ship grew thicker and more oppressive. Rook paced the deck, nearly vibrating with tension. It was almost suffocating, pressing down on him with the weight of a thousand regrets.
Thoughts clawed at the back of his mind, bringing unwelcome reminders of the part he had played in Warren’s death. If things had gone differently, if he had been a little faster, a little smarter, would his friend still be here?
He shook his head rapidly, trying to shake off the guilt that clung to him with barbed claws. The others didn’t blame him. They’d made that point very clear. And yet, he still couldn’t help but blame himself.
Wrenching his thoughts away from the dark pit they were circling, he marched up the stairs leading to the quarterdeck. Tyra stood at the helm, talking to Tempest. When she saw Rook, she trailed off.
She opened her mouth in greeting, but before she could say a word, Rook spoke. “I know you’re more than capable of handling the crew, but how do I know you can hold your own in a fight?”
Tyra’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I can handle myself. I’m best with my pistol,” she tapped the beautifully carved handle emerging from the holster at her hip, “but I’m not too bad with a rapier.”
Rook made a contemplative sound. There was a long pause as he looked her up and down. “Show me.”
Drawing his rapier, he turned on his heel and descended to the deck, stepping onto the cargo hatch. The crew moved out of the way, clearing a space around him. Looking back up at Tyra, he beckoned her with his sword.
Tyra exchanged an unreadable glance with Tempest, who stepped forwards to take the wheel as she slowly made her way down to the main deck. She positioned herself across from Rook. Hesitantly, she drew her sword, a curved cutlass that was shorter and thicker than his rapier, with a wide, flat blade.
Around them, the crew had started murmuring, hurriedly placing bets. Rook let their voices fade away, trying his best to clear his racing mind. He and Tyra stared at each other, time stretching out between them.
Then, in the blink of an eye, Rook lunged, sending his blade towards Tyra’s chest. She stepped back, parrying his strike with the flat of her blade. She tried to keep the momentum going, but he disengaged, dancing out of her reach. Now it was her turn to bridge the gap, lunging towards him. He knocked her blade aside with ease.
Their blades clashed again and again as he effortlessly parried her every blow. She redoubled her efforts, deflecting his next strike. Drawing her arm back, she prepared to attack, leaving her torso unguarded. Rook struck. In a flash, he had his blade hovering over her chest. She froze.
In the background the crew exchanged money as the two stood there, gazes locked. Rook stepped back, raising his sword into a ready position. His heart pounded in his ears as he said, “Again.”
Tyra’s eyes widened, but she raised her sword. This time, she struck first, trying to gain the upper hand early. But it wasn’t long before he had her on the defensive, trying her best to hold him back.
She blocked him again, and this time, instead of pulling back for another strike, he stepped forwards, pushing his sword down her blade. With a flick of his wrist, he knocked the cutlass from her hand.
She stepped back, breathing heavily.
Rook crossed to where her sword lay, and with one quick motion from his foot, sent it flying into his hand. He held it out to her, hilt first. Reluctantly, she took it.
“Again.”
This time, he didn’t even give her a second to gather her bearings before he struck, targeting her with several blows in quick succession. Immediately she fell onto her back foot, desperately trying to match his furious pace.
He kept pushing her back, off of the cargo hatch that had been their arena until her foot caught and she stumbled. He pressed on and she fell, back hitting the wood of the deck with an audible thud as her sword clattered from her hand. Rook stood over her, blade hovering inches above her throat. He stared down at her, heart pounding.
A gentle tap on his shoulder caused him to whirl around, striking at the source of the gesture. The tip of his blade pierced a translucent blue hand, causing it to dissolve into the air. Behind it, Aki stared at him, eyes wide.
“Rook, stop this.” He frowned. “It isn’t healthy.”
“I don’t care.”
Aki’s brow furrowed. “It isn’t helping you.” When Rook said nothing, he added, “Look at her, she’s exhausted.” He gestured towards Tyra.
Rook turned to look at his first mate, who was slowly getting to her feet. She was disheveled, her clothes rumpled and her locs in disarray. Her chest rose and fell as she panted for breath. Aki was right, she was tired.
“Let her go,” Aki said gently.
Whatever he had been trying to do by challenging her, it wasn’t working. He was breathing more heavily than normal, but it was more due to the tightness in his chest than a difficult fight. His muscles trembled, not from effort or exhaustion, but from tension.
Rook squared his shoulders. “Fine.” He sheathed his sword and turned away. He could feel the crew’s eyes on him as he headed towards the ratlines leading up to the crow’s nest. Ignoring them, he grabbed the rope and began to climb.
Though it had been years since he’d climbed the rigging, it came back to him easily, his body’s memory of six years of sailing guiding him up to the small basket-like platform near the top of the mast. A member of the crew sat inside. As Rook’s head came into view, she started, eyes wide.
“Get out.”
She nodded and hurriedly clambered over the edge, scurrying down the rigging towards the deck.
Rook sank onto the floor of the crow’s nest, tipping his head back until it touched the low wooden wall surrounding the platform. Closing his eyes, he breathed in, then out, forcing himself to slow down.
He wasn’t sure if it was the gentle rocking of the ship, or the wind on his face, or the sun on his skin, or simply the distance from the deck and all the gloom that hung over it, but slowly the tension faded from his body.
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#npc: Tyra#given that his previous coping mechanisms have included punching a mirror with both fists;#running off into an abandoned maze-like underground lab filled with monsters on his own + drinking ''creepy temple booze'';#and burning a house to the ground.#I'd say yeah this is actually one of the healthier times he's dealt with grief/guilt.#(in order what caused those were: Lanny reveal; Sigmar/Purity reveal; and processing the Sigmar/Purity reveal + Warren's death combo.)#oh. And I guess you could add giving a scathing eulogy brimming with self-loathing in front of the most important people in the kingdom +#pissing off the ancient dragon who rules that kingdom + getting up in his face to yell at him.#that was between the lab and the arson and was in response to Warren's death. :3#that eulogy is still the most heartbreaking thing I've ever written in my life and the worst part is that it's probably the most honest Roo#have ever been.#poor baby boy.#and like I said. Less than 2 days after this snippet he died from a MOUNTAIN of stab wounds. All from tridents too which is WORSE.#luckily the party revived him but... they did find out about the ring and that's gonna be an awkward conversation. :))))#how do you explain that yes you got this ring enchanted to lie to your friends about the fact that you were suffering from a demon curse#and now you can't get rid of it not just because it's strategically useful but because the ring itself was a gift from a guy you loved#(platonically) but everyone else knows him as the BBEG and you literally watched them torture him to death.#like. They won't understand!!!!#(at least that's what Rook thinks and tbh he's probably right hahaha. Only one of them might and oddly enough he's the one with the biggest#reason to hate the BBEG out of any of them. It's an interesting dynamic because he's also the one who knew the truth for MONTHS#and didn't tell Rook anything. Fun times.)#man I can't wait for next week lmao.#we also get to level up next week apparently.#and sometime soon we should be fighting the monsters that are really fucked up and Funger-inspired all bc of a typo.
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I've been thinking about names re: durges (and especially Corentin)
I haven't really liked the whole "this character's name is The Dark Urge" because it's honestly...silly to me? A bit? But I saw someone else discussing their durge's backstory today and it got me thinking about the function of names a bit more.
Naming someone "The Dark Urge" is super dehumanizing. And, like, that's the point, of course. But Corentin, even at their most compliant, was always trying to eek out some semblance of individuality or control or rebellion. They were kidnapped brought to the Bhaalists at 15, after all. Even with the cult's (and Bhaal's) efforts, it's difficult to completely rewire someone who's nearly a grown adult, especially one who's fighting it kicking and screaming most of the time.
So while they lose their memories of their family due to the constant trauma, they do manage to hold on to some things. Their refusal to eat bog body stays the entire time, as does their insistence on maintaining a hair care routine (which is when they start braiding Orin's hair, too). But after they break, other aspects of cleanliness they'd managed to hold onto until that point fall to the wayside, and they stop resisting when Savorak, and Fel, and the Bhaalists call them "The Dark Urge" instead of their name. Orin still calls them Corentin for a little bit, but she stops eventually too as she gets more and more restless and insistent on gaining power.
And then they meet Gortash who, despite also being a horrible person, isn't as bad as the people Corentin had been forced to lead. At this point they know what the likely ending of the Absolutist plot is going to be (though they're still in the early stages of the plan) but being able to work so closely with someone who's sincere and, more importantly, isn't going to stab them the moment they turn their back to him, is like breathing in fresh air for the first time in a decade or more (both figuratively and literally). And they dare to hope that there's an actual, true way out of the hell they'd been living in.
So when Gortash eventually asks if The Dark Urge is really their name, they tell him no.
#rediscovering your humanity etc etc#tin fell HARD and FAST for the first person to show them actual kindness after losing their family#like ive said before: they fell for wyll b/c of his kindness and sincerity#wyll & gortash really are narrative foils#but that's a ramble for another time#part of the reason orin suspects that tin's going off the plan is b/c she overhears gortash call them by their actual name#i dont think bhaal notices. they're not really truly *resisting* their urges yet & we know canonically that bhaal only recognizes/bothered#to learn about the bhaalspawn part of durge. he's not omniscient he cant read their mind or anything#so if they're still going along w/ *enough* of the plan there's no reason for him to get suspicious. plus he's cocky as hell#this also messes w/ their head & heart when their memories start to come back post-tadpole moral reset#b/c they fully see just how bad gortash WAS. especially having met & become friends with one of his victims#having to fight him & orin is. rough on them but they dont process that until post-game#tbh i dont think they fully process gortash until after fixing karlach's heart#corentin#the prodigal saer#durgetash#my post#bg3 durge#enver gortash#bg3#bg3 tav#jay rambles#bg3 spoilers#durge spoilers
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ok i only have like. one (1) set of revisions left. oh my god. im so close to the end !!!! and then im gonna eat twelve million dumplings !!!!!!!!!
#its actually been super interesting to have to modify my revision process for Time Crunch purposes#very ... surgical lol.#excising a section. revising that specific section to tweak or add new stuff. then slotting it back in#kinda nice for keeping the amount of 'writing' required of a revision contained tbh#makes me feel less like OH GOD I HAVE TO DO THIS WHOLE THING OVER#even when its like ... major plot beats changing that have ripple effects downstream#its still N discrete places to actually change the text#very nice tbh#possibly only doable with a very plotty fic like this one#hidey talks fic
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Maybe I'm too tired atm. But I just now realized that what would have been the one year anniversary to IGBP ended up overlapping with the Puzzlevision arc.
So maybe since a certain tv is locked away in prison. It'll be brought at some point up, maybe in this week's episode? Perchance?
#did our boy smg4 ever fully process what happened?#there's no crazy tv this year (maybe). so what's to stop him from thinking about it now#bc we KNOW 4 still thinks about the whole IGBP event#and before anyone says it#Yes. I know the team probably wouldn't write something that deep#it's still a funny meme show at the end of the day. I know that#tbh this idea might be better suited for a one off ep or even a mini arc#unless it's used as a catalyst for a bigger storyline#but its still a nice thought#or concept even#I could probably write/draw a short story if the team doesn't do it#smg4#rae rambles#rae is tiredly rambling#curse you daylight saving
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my past and future-again boss hit me up asking if i was interested in working some may june september october and november days on top of the july & august it was agreed i'd get back on the team for. they want meee
#to think this was supposed to be a summer job to help with the summer crowd... but they want me still because i do my job so well...#smoke them all 2k25#neigh (blabbers)#whole team says they prefer to keep me on instead of going through the hiring process again because i'm competent i learn fast and#i'm pleasant to be around so. you brush me dans le sens du poil in that one... smilesss#i love itttt tbh i love the place and i love the visitors [mostly.] and the colleagues so Put Me On Coach.#not in may or june i have uni. but beyond that. Lock Me On.
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i made another one but power hour edition
have fun :}
#apologies for the amount of questiona blame the guy that made 20 songs in 7 months#thats still scary to think about covers or not. like how u do that? thats so many songs man#anyway. power hour moment#i do not apologize for the one in Japanese#gotta give yall a CHALLENGE/silly#tbh if you think about it you can do process of elimination#but have fun & good luck :}#chonny jash#moss post#cj power hour project#cj tmph#cj thdph#cj wwph#cjph
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