#stop me 2k15

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Real Life References Masterlist

Always Together, Never Apart - cherryblossom-phil

Summary: “They were attached at the hip. The centers of each other’s lives. Inseparable.”; Dan and Phil’s relationship, as seen through the eyes of their friends (based on Vidcon 2k15)

boudoir photography (ao3) - silentdescant

Summary: The shirt he’s wearing is barely covering him at all, lacy enough to see through and hanging open around his shoulders, and there’s nothing on his bottom half but underwear. Not unusual, for Dan lazing around the house, but still lovely to see. This is also the first time he’s worn the shirt, and it’s hard to resist mauling him when he’s deliberately putting so much skin on display while he models it.

Can You Milk A...? (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: "Men can be milked."

- actual Phil at 5:58 in The Final Google Feud video

Commitment Phobe (ao3) - AlexStandallsSmile, Howlterssmile (AlexStandallsSmile)

Summary: Based on the events after the 4/03/21 live show when Dan reveals he’s scared of commitment.

The story behind why Phil had so many sweet treats after the live show.

Or: Dan has a freak out after mentioning the marriage comment live on stereo, and Phil Lester is a sweetheart.

Cool Down (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: "shove an ice cube all the way up my ass"

- actual Dan on twitter

"Doing Laundry" (ao3) - analester

Summary: “It’ll only be a minute. I’m just came to do my laundry again.”

“Oh, is that what the kids are calling it now?”

“W-what- N-no—? Please I legit need to do my laundry.”

“You wanna come and do some laundry in my room?”

Duality (ao3) - melapplesphan

Summary: During the filming of their 2018 Easter baking video, Phil finds that he can’t stop staring at Dan’s curls and wishing he was wearing his pastel outfit, so he asks Dan to put it on for him. Or, how Phil finally stumbles onto the main reason why he gets so turned on during the late nights he and Dan spend baking. In which Phil has a thing for Pastel Dan, running his fingers through Dan’s curls, and telling Dan he’s beautiful. Equal parts fluff and smut. Please heed the tags.

everybody wants a taste (ao3) - Gal_tic

Summary: Phil meets Sam the Surfer on the flight to America. Dan is less than thrilled.

Exhale (ao3) - TortiTabby

Summary: Sam the Surfer shows up for a fourth time in Brazil and Dan isn't in the right head space to deal with it.

Fight Me (ao3) - Noncombustiblehowell

Summary: A little one-shot about what really went down when the boys figured out there was only one good bedroom on their tour bus. I can now die happy saying that I have written a phan pillow fight scene. Inspired by these tweets from Dan and Phil (https://twitter.com/danisnotonfire/status/724307138517065731)

Grown On Each Other Like Mould (ao3) - natigail

Summary: Inspired by this snippet from a gaming video

P: "The friendship-dragon!"

D: "That's the least appropriate one for us two. That would be the mould dragon."

P: "Is that our- Is that us?"

D: "That's our friendship. The mould dragon."

P: "What? That we just know each other so well, we've grown on each other like mould?"

He smells like warm (ao3) - twoheadlights (fizzfic)

Summary: Hugging through the years.

i will be chasing a starlight (until the end of my life) (ao3) - couraqeous

Summary: 'happy birthday to @AmazingPhil you may be on the road to death but the light and warmth you bring to our lives is as everlasting as the sun'

i'm a fucking mess, but at least i have you by my side (ao3) - sirenidae

Summary: This fic is loosely based off of Dan’s recent tweet:

“if you’re too hot why are you wearing a sweater??” if i prefer to just wear underwear and a hoodie it’s my choice and you should respect it

intermediately versed in your own feelings (ao3) - templeofshame

Summary: They’re down to ten days and Phil just wants to be excited. He wants to tweet 10 days!!! or 9 soon =] and ramble at Dan on Skype and go to sleep eager for time to get on with it. He doesn’t want to be staring at Dan’s Twitter, scrolling up and down through Tweets and replies, trying to decode them in a way that doesn’t make anything in his gut sink.

itchy (ao3) - watergator

Summary: dan has an allergic reaction to his shirt and phil is there to make him feel better

(based off of dans tweet about his allergic reaction to his shirt)

Keep Talking And You Won’t Come (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: "You are being bad, you need to only speak when I'm speaking."

- actual Dan in the 'Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes #2' gaming video (at 2:30)

and this fic is based on that lmao

Kaboom: How to Talk Dirty in the Bedroom (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: Phil slips up in a gaming video and nearly exposes their sexual relationship. The content raises questions in Phil's mind, and he learns a thing or two about what Dan likes when he has the nerve to ask. Phil takes on a new persona when they make love that night.

Lucky Rubber Ducky (ao3) -DryCereal

Summary: "having a romantic bath with this special guy"...cos my boyfriend won't join me...

Nervous Agony (ao3) - thesassykels66

Summary: What Uma Thurman was watching that night when they had sex

Netflix and Phil (ao3) - goldfishsunglasses

Summary:  Little something based on P’s tweet from earlier.

The Furby - camisadan

Summary: ’This is based off the tweet that Dan sent out last night about the furby’

the one that I belong to (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: Phil comes home after the glue incident.

The sneeze fic (ao3) - Iittlesparkle

Summary: Phil tweeted "I just sneezed at the exact same moment as a stranger and we shared a smile and we are now forever sneeze bros" on the 9th of April 2018, here is the fic inspired by this tweet, with Dan as the stranger.

Uma Thurman Just Watched Me Have Sex (ao3) - AnotherPhanficWriter

Summary: Based on something Dan tweeted back in late-2009/early 2010 (I think).

What Dan Wants, Dan Gets (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: "i hate men but i want them to touch me"

- actual Dan on twitter

When Jokes Go Too Far (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: "i hate men but i want them to touch me"

- actual Dan on twitter

so this fic is based on that lmao

With a Lack of Pets, Wild Life Photographer Phil Settles for Dan (ao3) - natigail

Summary: They were both sentimental fools who didn’t want to throw anything away and thus their new home now mostly consisted of boxes but Phil found a way to amuse himself.

You’re Too Competitive for Your Own Good (ao3) - danlester (isaacmclahey)

Summary: ((basically there was a jumpcut in a gaming video that i felt could use a dose of my overactive imagination, so this is a quick drabble regarding the tin foil incident))

"Hey, you can cut people with tin foil!"

"Really?" Phil asked, his eyebrows slightly raised and his tone disbelieving, before rubbing his arm over the edge of the tin foil determinedly, as if to prove a point.

(The point being that, no, you obviously cannot cut people with tin foil. Honestly, Dan.)

[tabzjoynt]

The only way to stop anyone from talking to me today is to turn the volume up #soznotsoz 😬

[thatmexisaurusrex]

The Complete Bucky Quest Saga

Hey, people!

I just realized that I don't think I've ever put the complete list of the Bucky Quest Saga into one post, so I thought I'd do it now.

So here it is! All of the Bucky Quest Saga:

PHASE ONE: BUCKY QUEST

From Captain America: The Winter Soldier to Civil War

1. Bucky Quest 2K14

Sam Wilson’s out on his search to find the infamous Winter Soldier shortly after the events of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. What he finds isn’t what he expects.

EXCERPT:

Sam stared down at it. Shiny. A bow carefully tied around it.

“The fuck?” Sam accidentally let slip, just staring down at the damned steering wheel the hotel front desk worker was awkwardly holding out to Sam, clearly bewildered.

“He just…left it here? And told me to give it to Mr. Samuel Wilson of Room 1405,” she spoke up, as if she’d said it already, which she might have, Sam felt like he’d been staring at the wheel for somewhere between five minutes and five hours.

2. Bucky Quest 2K15

Sam Wilson, part-time Avenger, was tasked to find a certain Winter Soldier. And maybe Sam had found him. That didn’t mean the Winter Soldier was ready to be found.

EXCERPT:

So, Sam probably messed up? He did a thing for sure. After Flugate twenty-fourteen, Sam had been, well…okay, so Sam had been annoyed with how Bucky lived. Like he wasn’t asking for like a full-on human experience if Bucky wasn’t there yet, but maybe some minimal human needs fulfilled. Instead of going straight home the next day like usual, Sam spent a week moving with Bucky from Bucharest to Bratislava, which, okay maybe Sam sort of abused his power within the Avengers by using his quinjet privileges, but whatever, Sam could do what he wants. Not like Bucky couldn’t, say, cut off the power to the CCTV within the jet so that no one knew he was in said quinjet.

3. Bucky Quest 2K16

Maybe Sam Wilson was a little stressed. He understood Bucky needed time to get himself ready enough to face Steve, but two years was a long time to lie to a best friend, on both their ends.

EXCERPT:

“You’re…still supposed to be in the business center,” groaned Bucky.

Sam shrugged, placing his computer bag down.

“Yeah. I was. Now I’m here. You’re still doing this mysterious letters shtick?” asked Sam, walking over to the bouquet.

“Well. I was. Until you decided to ruin it,” said Bucky, “Why can’t I just send you mysterious letters with bouquets, Samuel?”

“Because I’m the one three steps ahead of you now,” said Sam, smug.

Bucky was not amused. Or at least. He was trying not to be.

PHASE TWO: WAKANDA WATCH

From Civil War to Endgame

4. Wakanda Watch 2K17

Sam Wilson might be a fugitive out on the lam, secretly stopping global crises for a certain alive this whole time Nick Fury, but that didn’t mean Sam couldn’t make time to visit his favorite recovering cyborg.

EXCERPT:

Sam knew nothing about flowers. But Bucky liked flowers. So, Sam would be damned if floral design was going to break him.

5. Wakanda Watch 2K18

Sam Wilson wasn’t sure what to make of his relationship with Bucky Barnes now. This was too close to be friendly, but it wasn’t as if they’d pledged their undying love to each other. Stop thinking about that, Sam. He was fine with whatever it was for now.

EXCERPT:

Sam leaned closer in, just happy to be there, a little blissed out in his sleepy haze with the thrum of a hangover there just enough for Sam to keep his eyes closed, and he wasn’t sure when his fingers started to comb through Bucky’s hair, but they were doing that now and neither of them seemed to be complaining. Sam found a knot and felt Bucky grimace as Sam slowly worked through it as gently as possible.

“Has to be a way to prevent this at night,” mumbled Sam, “What do people with straight hair do? Braid it?”

PHASE THREE: SAM QUEST

The Time Between Endgame to The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

6. Sam Quest 2K23

Bucky was pretty sure the United States Government was trying to push him into a mental breakdown. Or maybe he was just being paranoid. Labeling him as a sentient weapon didn’t help. It would be better if he was able to discuss things freely with Sam, but that was hard to do when the government had Bucky’s court ordered therapist Bucky was very sure was not there to help him reading all his messages, listening to all his phone calls, and keeping a list of anyone who visited him. So. That wasn’t swell.

EXCERPT:

Bucky sighed, feeling around to find the seat he was supposed to be, well, sitting in. And it felt like hours, just there, alone, bag on head, waiting. It felt very rude, if Bucky was being honest. If someone was going to ask him the same dang questions about his “construction” that he wasn’t going to answer, they could at least be on time. Would rather get the trigger words at the beginning over with sooner rather than later.

PHASE FOUR: GULF COAST AVENGERS

7. Gulf Coast Avengers 2K24

Sam and Bucky could run the Avengers. Yeah. They totally could. This could work. Definitely. They got this. Just need to. Make sure the other didn’t stress out too badly. Yeah. Definitely got this. Neither of them were totally freaking out about the responsibility of such a task. How did Steve even do this?

EXCERPT:

Three days. Sam loved his job, but he also only had three days of pure and uncut Bucky before being thrust into some five day chase around the southeast hunting down a weird man going by the name the Armadillo who had been stealing all the armadillos throughout the entire United States to form some giant armadillo army to overthrow the US government and claim Texas as his kingdom of Armadilland. Which.

Why?

Why would someone want that?

PHASE FIVE: CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE SUMMER WEDDING

8. Captain America and the Summer Wedding 2K25

So, Bucky and Sam were planning a wedding while juggling kids and work. How hard could it be?

EXCERPT:

“You seriously have to go and one up me again?” said Sam, because he wasn’t prepared for all these emotions, “Right now? This is a pattern. A goddamn pattern, you hypercompetent asshole. Mr. Grand Speech McGee, Mr. Can’t Ever Have Someone Else Have an Emotional Speech. You are unbelievable.”

“Well, sorry you make me want to make beautiful impromptu speeches,” said Bucky, trying to stop himself from laughing.

“Impromptu? The hell that was impromptu. I bet you were practicing that all day, Man of a Million Plans. You’re such a liar,” said Sam.

INTERLUDES

9. Interludes (ONGOING)

Short stories that take place in between points in Bucky Quest, Wakanda Watch, Sam Quest, Gulf Coast Avengers, and Captain America and the Summer Wedding that didn’t feel like they would fit the pacing of the arcs in those “phases”. Think of these as additional stories, “filler”. They are not necessarily needed to understand the arcs of the “phases”, but they might provide more texture, more depth if you’re looking for more to read within the universe of this story of mine. Odd chapters are steamier, even chapters are fluff.

EXCERPT:

“Stop that, you’re crossing too many wires, you asshole,” laughed Sam, “No more penis epithets. Call it a dick. This is a dick household.”

“Is it? Good to know,” said Bucky, like he wasn’t being the most confusing person on the planet up until five seconds ago, giving Sam a quick kiss before the fucker winked at him, climbing back down his body.

[triptychexe]

TITLE: Apology Udon SUMMARY: Teo finally gets under Asa’s skin. The InHiko Fight of 2k15 is finally explained. GENRE: Mild angst, hurt/comfort, apology, fluff PAIRING: TROMME OT3 WORD COUNT: 1.4k WARNINGS: Verbal fighting. If anything else could seem triggering, please let me know!

FALL 2015

Asahiko liked to think he could be patient.

He had taken years of practice to debut, he’s taught himself Korean, he’s good with kids, his best friend is impulsive and feisty, the list goes on. But no one, absolutely no one tested his patience like the other members of Tromme. 

Maybe it was the hours that they have spent together and the stress that comes along with being a freshly debuted group, but Eli and Teo were starting to get under his skin lately. 

For the most of promotions, Teo has been treating Asa like a dog that he needed to train. Teo kept nagging Asahiko about everything from precisely what to say in interviews to when he could do his laundry. At first, Asa just thought that Teo was anxiously projecting, but then he realized that he didn’t treat Eli like that at all. It took almost all of promotions to realize that Teo didn’t trust Asa with anything. So, he decided to rebel. 

It was perfect. During their interview at SBS, Asa cut off Teo’s line to make a dumb innuendo about their song ‘Lips’. The interviewers and Eli thought it was funny, but it made Teo’s ears turn red with annoyance. Once the interview was over and they left the building, Teo approached Asa.

“What the hell was that about? Did you forget your lines?” Teo asked. Asa rolled his eyes. “No, dude, I was showing my personality. You know, the one that you forget I have?”  “I don’t forget you have a personality.” Teo said defensively, furrowing his eyebrows. “When have I ever said that?” “Oh, you don’t need to say it. The way you treat me like I’m a child explains it all.” Asa snapped. Okay, maybe that was a little out of pocket, but the adrenaline in his body from finally getting Teo into an argumentative mood inspired him. "Guys,” Eli tried to intervene. “Dude, don’t even try to defend him.” Asa looked over his shoulder at his leader. “You don’t always gotta take his side.” Eli raised his arms in defense. “Yo, I’m not trying to take anyone’s side.”  “What’s the deal with you today? You’re being so sensitive.” Teo snapped. “Sensitive or just fed up?” Asa arched an eyebrow.  “Whatever, man.” Teo shook his head. 

There was no more time to argue, the boys had reached the parking lot. Outside were a ton of fans and fansites, shouting encouraging things to the members. Asa waved politely, pulling a small smile for his fans. He had a feeling that any pictures that were taken of him would show his true feelings either way, but it was worth the effort to try to hide anything.

“So,” Eli pivoted in his car seat, looking between his two members. Asa opted to sitting in the far back of the car so he had enough room to glare angrily out the window in peace and quiet. Teo, who was listening to music and gesturing aggressively with his hands in a silent argument with the dialogue in his head, sat next to Eli. The whole car ride had been silent until this moment, the tension in the SUV was starting to suffocate Eli.

“Are we going to talk about this like adults or angrily think up comebacks to arguments in our head the whole way home?” Eli asked. 

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Teo protested.  “Okay, well, that’s not what I was looking-” Eli started. “Of course you don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.” Asa chortled dryly. “You’re perfect.”  “I never said that.” Teo leaned forward, twisting his body around so he could glare at Asahiko behind him. “Stop playing a victim, you always do this.”  “How? How do I always do this? You treat me like shit compared to how you treat Eli, how do you want me to react? With gratitude?” Asahiko seethed, his eyebrows furrowed together. “Yo-”  Eli’s words were cut off again by a fuming Teo. “Maybe if you actually contributed something to the group instead of pulling whatever the fuck that was today, maybe I’d treat you with more respect!”  “Maybe if you trusted me enough with roles I would contribute more!” Asa shouted. “Maybe if you showed that you could handle more roles, we’d give them to you, but you’re just don’t have the skills yet!” Teo groaned. He realized the weight of his words when Asahiko’s expression turned stony.  “Dude.” Eli muttered under his breath, shaking his head and closing his eyes.   “I didn’t mean it like that.” Teo said quietly, the anger leaving his system instantly, as if a cool cloth was thrown across his neck. “Asahiko, you know I didn’t mean it like-”  “Whatever.” Asahiko shook his head, putting his headphones back in and pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, tugging the strings. 

Teo and Asa didn’t talk for the rest of the day. Twice, Eli tried to coax Asa out of his room to come eat dinner with them. Both times, Asa cranked his music louder, drowning out the pleads from his leader. 

“Has he come out of his room since this afternoon?” Teo asked quietly as they passed his door, heading for bed. Eli shook his head. “Not that I know of.” Eli responded. “He hasn’t eaten yet?” Teo felt a pang of guilt. Eli shook his head, leaning against his own door. “He’s a big kid, he can feed himself.” Eli reminded Teo. “We’ll talk about this in the morning. Night, Injung.”  “Night.” Teo said quietly. Eli pursed his lips and closed his bedroom door, leaving Teo alone in the hallway. 

The singer looked at Asahiko’s door with a somber glance. How was it that Asahiko went from being the one person he wanted space from to being someone that Injung missed so much? All that was separating them was a wooden door, yet Asahiko seemed so far away.

A wooden door and your bitchy attitude. Injung said to himself. He sighed before hurrying back to the kitchen.

“Asa?” Teo whispered harshly, rasping his knuckles on the door.  “Sleeping.” Asahiko responded, clearly not asleep.  Teo hesitated. “I made you apology udon.”  "I don’t like apology udon.” Asahiko responded, his voice sounding closer to the door on the other side. Injung took in a deep breath. “Could you try it? For me? I’m sorry for what I said. You’re right, I should work with you to help build you up. You’re talented, Asahiko. Really, really talented. Without you, Tromme would be nothing. I mean that. I-” Injung inhaled. He’s never emotion dumped on Asahiko before. He wondered how he was receiving this apology. Based off the silence, Asahiko probably had moved away from the door, blocking out Injung’s ramble. “Look, just... The udon is getting cold and I don’t want you to be hungry tonight. I’m gonna leave it outside if you-” 

The door opened slowly, Asahiko poked his head out, eyeing Injung first, then the udon. He reached forward and took the noodle dish from his older member. “I’m sorry for exploding on you.” Asahiko looked down at his noddles rather than at Teo’s face. “I should have just been honest from the get-go.”  “It’s okay. I forgive you.” Teo nodded. Asahiko looked up at Injung, a small smile on his lips before picking up the chopsticks Injung put in the bowl. Asahiko lifted up a bunch of thick noodles, blowing on it gently before holding it up for Teo.

“Apology udon?” Asahiko grinned, inching the noodles closer. Injung smirked, leaning his head away from the noodles. “C’mon, man, accept my udon!” Asahiko chuckled, flying the noodles around like an airplane.  Finally, Injung gave in and slurped the noodles off the chopsticks.  “Good?” Asahiko asked. Teo nodded, giving him a thumbs up. “Great, I slaved over it all night.” Asahiko said sarcastically, helping himself to noodles.  “You-” Teo laughed, ready to banter with Asahiko. However, a bleary-eyed and half-asleep Daehyun appeared in his doorway. He looked between his members and then at the bowl of noodles in Asahiko’s hands.

“You guys are eating noodles without me?” Eli asked, rubbing his eyes. “Yeah...” Injung drew out.

Daehyun frowned before turning around and closing his door. “Rude.”

[forestgreenlesbian]

how many more 1d members are going to continue to disappoint me with mediocre music ... make it stop boys

[flatstarcarcosa]

remembered i still own wwe 2k15 while thinking about the atla wrestling au so that’s where my afternoon is gonna go and also whats stopping me from giving wrestling ozai the razor ramon mullet? 

nothing

[fcbarcelohna]

…. OKAY So I just finished watching the highlights…. Again…. And i m crying…. Again…. Like i don’t remember the last time I got this emotional over a barca match….. The way the players celebrated God my heart….and The fans…. GOD The fans were so amazing. I could watch that match 500 more times

[girlbookwrm]

Avengers: Age of Art Movie? ART?? MOVIE

DAY ONE

the title for this chapter of the Mighty Pre-Endgame Rewatch comes from the fact that Joss Whedon apparently said, of Age of Ultron: 

“I was trying to make a little art movie. Which is actually, a pretty shitty thing to do to a studio that gives you a lot of money.”

which??? ok?????

so we went into this looking for Joss Whedon’s Art Movie

It’s worth noting before we get into this that I’m a fan of a lot of things Joss Whedon has done over the years, as much as I give him crap sometimes, and actually, I don’t know that I hate this movie as much as is common. I enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying it in the past? I go back and forth. I saw it in theaters and was like “actually I like this it’s pretty ok” and then I saw it again like “OH NO THIS IS AWFUL” and then again like “OH NO IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN I REMEMBER” and now I’m watching it again like “actually......” and I think it’s that the quality is very. uneven? 

it is also worth noting that it took us TWO DAYS to watch this because we kept having to pause the movie  in order to GO OFF which meant that this 2 hour 22 minute movie took us like SIX HOURS to watch. at first it was just me and The Roommate @goteamwin but on Day Two the Gal Pal @pegasuschick joined us.

anyway on with the rewatch (day one)

I STILL MISS THE OLD MARVEL LOGO! SO MUCH!

So the opening shot of this movie is from the twins’ POV and this was the first point that we paused the movie to fully Go Off because goddamn

can you imagine how much better this battle scene would be from the twins’ pov?

like: there’s all these explosions and shaky cam and a monster roaring and you’re like “oh god is it aliens? it must be aliens? and these soldiers dying everywhere and the city is getting destroyed etc etc

and then you realize it’s not aliens, it’s not HYDRA, it’s not some terrible overpowered terrorists

it’s the Avengers.

now THAT would be an art film

anyway back to the rewatch

Steve Rogers: IT IS 2015, I AM NINETY SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM STILL FIGHTING NAZIS I AM T I R E D

this is all looking real fake it has not aged well and it wasn’t that great to start with

“they’re the avengers” he said, sounding so confused and so so tired

aaaaaand here we paused the movie AGAIN to talk for twenty minutes, mostly about how if this whole “”’”art movie”’’’’’’’ had been shot from the Twins perspective, that would have been a better set up for Civil War and also super interesting

“We are here to help” why is the Iron Legion speaking Very American English in an eastern? european? city

Old Man Dad Clint

there’s two weirdly different movies happening here and they do not sit well together: like, a dark spooky serious one and a quippy Joss Whedon action movie

and don’t get me wrong, one of my favorite things about Joss Whedon is how he uses humor to really give his sad moments Extra Punch he’s a master of that

but this is just jarring

“please be a secret door please be a secret door” followed by the world’s tiniest and most adorable “~yay~” is the most endearing thing Tony has ever done in his life I would die for him

The Problem Is Not Brucetasha. 

THE PROBLEM is that the BruceTasha dynamic doesn’t just come out of left field, it comes from a different sport entirely. it comes from another planet. 

I think there’s potential for an interesting dynamic here but we get ZERO buildup to it

like in the last movie, Natasha is scared of the Hulk, like, literally shaking in shock TERRIFIED of the Hulk, but we see nothing of her deciding to run directly at the thing that scares her most

and we get ZERO explanation of like -- Natasha likes Bruce AND the Hulk, and Bruce AND the Hulk both like Natasha and that’s an interesting dynamic too, but we get NONE OF THAT

it’s very frustrating

also, where does Wanda’s horror movie aesthetic go? is it the same place her accent goes?

Tony’s dream sequence is... p badly shot, given that it’s his driving motivation for THE REST OF THE SERIES

Me: this is weirdly shot, right?

The Roommate, A Professional: Yes. *in a very fancy voice:* ~From a cinematic perspective~ 

Me: *starts cracking up*

The Roommate: But seriously, they’ve gone for a weirdly wide angle in this very emotional moment and it would make more sense to do tight shots here, but--

Me: *still cracking up*

The Roommate: really?

Me: ~from a cinematic perspective~ trolololol

AND LITERALLY HERE IS WHERE WE GET THE TITLE CARD. THAT’S HOW LONG, SPIRITUALLY, THIS OPENING IS.

Why was Bruce NOT expecting a Code Green? like? It’s HYDRA, of COURSE they’re gonna pull out all the stops??

We get like two minutes of Thor&Steve&Tony being bros, for the purpose of exposition here, and then the party sequence, and literally the rest of the movie is them all arguing with each other

and we stopped the movie again to talk for ten minutes about how much more Impactful AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR would be if we had even one (1) movie of the Avengers actually being a team

this is exactly why it took us two days to watch this movie

“Uh, actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”

And again, we stopped the movie (seriously, it’s our own fault this took so long to watch) because LET’S UNPACK THIS

TONY PAYS FOR EVERYTHING?

TONY MAKES ALL THEIR SHIT?

TONY DOES THEIR DESIGN WORK?

AND LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHIELD RECENTLY FELL APART

WHICH MEANS THAT THIS IS STARK INDUSTRIES PRESENTS: the avengers

and that is A L A R M I N G

legally speaking

and also morally speaking

like goddamn. 

no wonder ppl freak out about it? let’s jump on THAT for CW

(also, when we recapped this for the Gal Pal’s benefit on Day Two, she pointed out that Tony puts his name on everything and he probably got that from his daddy -- like in TFA, they’re doing this experiment for the Army but LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT has the Stark Industries tag on it

Steve probably has the SI logo tattooed on his ass

he doesn’t know it

tony knows it 

and wishes he didn’t)

all that aside, this is an A+ On Point Steve and i Strongly Disagree with anyone who says that Joss Whedon doesn’t get Steve Rogers.

Like, we very clearly get three distinct Steves in this movie -- we get Captain America, Captain Rogers, and Steve, and they’re all a little different but they’re also all perfectly executed and they’re all STEVE. eg:

the look that he gives Maria, like english please and then after her explanation he says “well they’re going to show up again.” - Captain Rogers.

“Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country” - Steve

“They are.” - Captain America

let’s just. let’s just acknowledge that Thanos had a stone. in his possession. and he gave it away. to L O K I.

“I'm going to live forever” 

ah geeze he actually is tho

*CLINT FEELS*

They talk about AI like it’s this Great Forbidden Thing, and the Roommate looks at me with the Tiredest Eyes

Everyone is working on artificial intelligence, she says.

e v e r y o n e

seriously “the man was not meant to meddle medley” is a very impressive tongue twister that Tony definitely practiced in the mirror that morning

but it’s also nonsense

the military, corporations, academia, everyone -- everyone is working on AI.

Ultron: What is this. What is this, please.

The Roommate: Me. Every morning.

Also, it’s worth noting that when Ultron goes through all the files on the Avengers and shit, he looks at Steve AT LEAST twice. 

The Roommate: To be fair, so would I.

RIGHT RHODES IS THE REAL HERO OF THIS FILM

“Where are the ladies,” said Maria Hill, a Known Lesbian. 

Sam and Steve’s whole everything is A+ Great, as usual

Rhodey’s face after everyone laughs at the “Boom, you looking for this” line is just

*kissy chef fingers*

and then this happens

the “flirting”

this is the weirdest “flirting” i have ever seen

it’s like the uncanny valley of cute flirting

it’s like they’re both actors pretending to be characters who are acting out something they’ve only ever seen in film

why is it like this

“What Are Your Intentions Towards My Daughter?” - Steve Rogers

no I kid

Captain America said that

Steve said “as maybe the world’s leading authority on “waiting too long”, don’t.”

and then suddenly they’re all teens hanging out in their dad’s basement

honestly this scene is the best scene in the movie, possibly the franchise, and it’s well worth all the bullshit we’ve put up with so far.

let’s also take a moment to pour one out for both Steve and Thor’s #looks in this scene because

goddamn

Steve and that blue button down

Thor and his hoe v-neck + pop collar maroon jacket

much fashion very hnnnngh

like it takes WORK to make these two look better with their shirts ON but you did it, AoU costume department. You Did It.

Also, James Spader as Ultron is just

i love it

gurl u r LEAKING

u CHOSE this body

u could have taken any iron legion body, you probably could’ve taken a SUIT if you wanted but instead you’re here in this janky ass leaking melty faced body with wires hanging every which way and the arms and legs on backwards

you are such a drama queen

truly his father’s son

so when Tony pulls out JARVIS’ broken corpse, how were they all supposed to know this was JARVIS? do they all get to meet Jarvis at some point? like at what point was Captain America introduced to the holograph representation of JARVIS’ “body” that he just IMMEDIATELY knows that this abstract yellow humpty dumpty is JARVIS

Team Dr. Cho Was Underutilized 2k15

Tony laughing because he’s about to be in so much trouble is very much a #mood

We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game.

I’m just going to present this bad phone picture of my notes because I feel like it does a better job summing up how I feel about this line:

remember when Wanda had an accent?

I’d say “good times” but I’m not sure they really were

seriously the Maximoffs have a great origin story this should’ve been theirs and Clint’s movie that would’ve been better

God Bless The AoU Costume Department

I have no idea what happened in this scene because of Steve’s smedium shirt

and that said he has to compete, visually, with Cobie Smulders in a sheath dress, and he does so with effortless grace

*distinguished golf clapping*

I actually really like the set up of Wakanda and Vibranium here it’s just nice and it gives all the background we need without really feeling like exposition and it reveals character dynamic between steve and tony it’s just nice is all

SALVAGE YARD AFRICAN COAST

Andy Serkis giving 112% AS USUAL

So Ultron steps into this scene like

and tbh it is a sexy leg good work Ultron

“I’M NOT MY DAD” -Ultron, definitely in Denial

Pietro talking to Tony in this scene like Tony was personally there when the bomb blew up his family and almost killed him and his sister

he wasn’t

u r drax in this scenario, and Tony is Ronan

he doesn’t remember ur family, dude

“pretending you could live without a war”

are we just going to ignore that Ultron gets inside Steve’s head right here right now and then Wanda exacerbates that 200%

and Steve just decides “yup that sounds right”

“i guess I’ll just be at war for the rest of my unnaturally long long life”

is anyone? going to talk about that? bring it up to him maybe?

no? 

coooooool coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

i just ~love~ (and by love i mean HATE) that natasha romanoff (A SPY) decided to upgrade her suit (HER BLACK STEALTH SUIT) with glowing (GLOWING!) stripes

much stealth very in character wow 

(negative 200 points costume department what the hell)

pietro don’t hit senior citizens that’s rude

these dreams are actually totally fascinating and I really like them don’t @ me they’re great

“I Am Mighty.”

“only the breakable ones. You are made of marble”

“We can go home. Imagine it”

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Natasha, I could really use a lullaby”

natasha isn’t here right now please leave a message after the beepbeep

this is such a fucking nightmare, could be a callback to that opening fight scene IF IT SUCKED LESS

Tony. Your green son has a special need. maybe instead of trying to turn him back into Bruce, you should try to accommodate his needs. because he’s special.

Clint MacDonald Had A Farm

“These are... Smaller agents.”

“Sorry For Barging In.”

Captain America is here from the 40s and Ready To Apologize

Thor’s Extremely Dramatic Exit

Steve: looks at the house

(very softly in the background, Peggy’s “we can go home.”)

The Roommate: nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu steve don’t think thaaaaaaaat

I honestly love Old Dad Clint. *shrug* sorry not sorry

and now we’re here. at That Scene. 

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE.

it makes no FUCKING sense for EITHER OF THEM to be having THIS CONVERSATION at THIS TIME. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

Honestly, the only way this makes sense is if Bruce and Nat are both ace af and think the other one is allo af 

just two hopeless asexual babies, adorably in love with each other

both of them awkwardly being like “BUT. YOU WANT THE SEX. RIGHT?” 

and neither of them realizing that the other one also does not want the sex

that’s the only way the scene makes any kind of sense. If Natasha is putting on a performance and Bruce is too and neither of them realize that the other is putting on a performance

BUT EVEN THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY NATASHA FEELS THE NEED TO BRING UP HER UTERUS

LIKE

THERE’S NO NEED FOR IT IN THIS CONVERSATION

AND THE WAY SHE BRINGS IT UP IS B I Z A R R E 

and when i saw it in theaters, I was like “oh clearly this scene is missing some important dialogue that clarifies that Nat doesn’t mean she’s a monster for not being able to have kids.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

UGH ANYWAY MOVING ON.

god bless the AoU costume department for Steve in a Smedium shirt and Dad Jeans. A+ work i can almost forgive you for putting glowing neon on Nat’s stealth suit

but honestly the whole rest of this movie is worth it this one interaction:

Tony: Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?

Steve:

Captain America: *externally* something something end a war something something people die something something

Steve: *internally* I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WANT TO GO HOME, IMMA MCFREAKING LOSE IT.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME?? Y O U WANT TO GO HOME??? B I T C H

oh hey Tony ur dad is here

“watched my friends die” ok but 

a) are you and Steve friends?

b) if this has been eating at you, why wasn’t it shot better ~from a cinematic perspective~ and why don’t we get more of you being haunted by it and less of you talking about reinstating prima nocta

Actually this is a good time to talk for a hot second about Why We Don’t Hate AoU As Much As Some:

it’s very hard to judge AoU as a standalone film

because a lot of the things it does best are not standalone

it does a good job setting the stage for Civil War

it does a good job foreshadowing Infinity War and Endgame 

and on that note, it’s actually hard to judge it without having seen Endgame

it does a BAD job setting up the Avengers as a cohesive unit that works well together

it does a BAD job building the BruceNat dynamic

it does a BAD job making us believe that the Avengers are actually friends and not just coworkers who tolerate each other and sometimes hang out and drunkenly try to pick up thor’s hammer

that isn’t friendship, actually. you know what friendship is? look at Steve and Sam talking about Important Things That Matter, look at Tony and Rhodes’ dynamic. those are friendships.

anyway

The Roommate says it feels like AoU skipped some steps. Like, Avengers (2012) brought us in at the ground floor of this building and then we got shoved into one of those really fast elevators and dumped directly into some game changer meeting happening on floor 44 and then it kicked us directly out the window to our deaths

i’m maybe elaborating slightly upon what she said

the point is that AoU is not a good movie because it’s not a good standalone movie

the character dynamics aren’t Bad or Wrong they’re just not properly built up to. 

It feels like we missed a movie

maybe there’s an alternate universe where we got an Avengers 2 that made sense, and this is actually Avengers 3

maybe we just need to find Joss Whedon’s secret file of fanfiction and then everything that happened in this movie will make sense

ALL THAT SAID, THIS IS WHERE WE STOPPED THE MOVIE ON DAY ONE AND MY FINGERS ARE TIRED SO THIS IS WHERE I’M STOPPING TOO. AGE OF ART MOVIE DAY 2 WILL BE UP WHEN I FIND THE ENERGY TO DO THAT.

[skullofrebellion]

me @ me: stop redesigning your total drama ocs from 2k15

me @ me: fuck you anyways Tracey is Half- Korean now and Leslie ditched the cat ears also I can’t neglect the kazoo one

[starlight-parkers]

The Report Card (Avengers x Reader) {Chatroom}

Author’s Note(s): I wrote this back in october and forgot about in entirely. I hope you enjoy x

Warning(s): just swearing tbh

Summary: Dogs are great but your dads Steve and Tony don’t agree.

you have created a chatroom

you have named the chat “dear fathers whom I love so very much :)”

you have added Tony

You: hello father who raised me from a yOung one whom to which I love very much :)

Tony: no

You: no???

You: I didn’t say anything ???

Tony: it’s paternal instinct

You: at least hear me out

Tony: nO

You: daAAaaAAD

Tony: (Y/nNnnnNn)

You: I’m gonna tell you anyways

Tony: I had a feeling you would

You: so I got my report card back

Tony: I can already see where this is going

You: and I got all As…

Tony: I was not prepared for this part of parenthood

You: so I was wondering…

Tony: gEt To iT CHILD

You: if I could get a puppy?

Tony: lmao NO

You: fudGe yOU

You: you’re the worst dad ever

Tony: I’m going to pretend that my pride isn’t wounded and say I love you too kiddo :,)

You: I bet Steve would get me a dog.

Steve has joined the chat

Steve: no he wouldn’t

You: pleaSe dad?

Steve: nope

You: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: you’re both the worst

Steve: correction…Tony is the worst. Who makes you cap’s shield shaped sandwiches everyday?

You: you do…

Steve: damn right I do

Tony: hey I mean I totally don’t pay your phone bill… not at all… please do continue to insult me as if I’m not here.

You: you know what fudge you both, I’m asking peter.

Tony: oh god no not the kid

Tony: you know I can’t say no to him

You: exactly ;)

You have added Peter

Peter: Hey everyone!

You: hi Petey <3

Tony: hey underoos

Steve: hello

Peter: what can I do for you?

You: oh y'know

You: we just need you to settle a family disagreement

Peter: oh… okay, what seems to be the problem?

Steve: (Y/N) got all As in her report card

Peter: Aw well done baby! :)

Tony: I am resisting the urge to throw up (:

You: and I want a puppy as a reward but AnthonY and SteVeN wont let me get one.

Peter: well that’s a shame

Steve: it sure is…

You: shuT UP Steve

Steve: thE DISrESPECT

Tony: asjajaja

You: anyways I need you to convince them that I should get a puppy

Peter: uHhhh

Steve: I’d chose my words wisely kid.

Tony: or don’t say anything at all, y'know.

Peter: umm

You: if you don’t help me convince them I won’t let you do my homework for a month

Peter: I…shouldn’t…be doing… your homework… anyway?

You: shut up you know you enjoy it

Peter: I do :(

Tony: what…just…happened?

Steve: I don’t know but is this how dating works nowadays?

Clint has joined the chat

Tony: oh no

Clint has added Natasha, Bruce, Thor, T'challa, Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Scott and Vision.

Clint: we heard talk of a dog

Steve: well you heard wrong

Sam: how can anyone call you the man of dreams? Freedom? Liberation?

You: I SAID THAT

Thor: I FOR ONE AM IN FAVOUR OF SMALL AND FEROCIOUS BEAST RUNNING AROUND THE TOWER!! IT SHALL BE MOST ENJOYABLE :) :) :)

Natasha: Thor, caps lock sweetie.

Thor: *whispers* oh yes, I apologise widow of black :) :) :)

Peter: is bad that I actually heard him yelling from the other side of the tower or?

Peter: and are we just going to ignore the fact that he added in *whispers* ?

Clint: LeT hIm LiVe pETer

Bucky: yeah! Sit down you little asshole

Peter: I… am…confused.

Sam: oh somebody get him a juice box, little Peter is confused.

Peter: w h y  a re  y o u                       a t t a c k i n g  m e ?

Sam: oh shit someone’s having a tantrum.

Natasha: go sit in a corner sam, you’re being uneccesary.

Sam: stfu woman come back when you can spell unnecessary.

Bucky: #ROASTED

You: WE ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Wanda: what were we talking about again?

Tony has cleared the chat

Tony: I think were talking about getting pancakes for breakfast today

Steve: oh yes, Tony’s treat :)

Tony: of course it’s my treat I’m the only one with money.

Scott: I’m down for pancakes

Bucky: yeah I could go for some too

T'challa: if Tony’s paying

Thor: I TOO WOULD ENJOY THE CAKE OF THE PAN.

Natasha: as mentioned before, only if Tony’s paying.

Wanda: same

Steve: then its settled, pancakes at 10

Clint: WHAT ARE YOU TAPKING ABOUT

Clint: WE WERE TALKING ABOUT GETTING A DOG YOU FOOLS  

You: T H A N K  Y O U

Tony: fuck yOu clint

Steve: LANGUAGE TONY

Steve: there are children present

You: all in favour of getting a dog say aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Bucky: aye

Sam: aye

Peter: aye

Clint: AYE FUCKING AYE CAPTAIN

Bucky: too much Clint too much

Clint: sorry

Peter: well it’s decided,  I guess we’re getting a dog

Tony: Vision, T'Challa, Bruce and Natasha haven’t voted yet.

Steve: not to mention Pietro

Pietro has joined the chat

Pietro: I vote for the dog, they’re better than people and I hate everyone.

Pietro has left the chat

Wanda: sorry about that, he’s still salty because we invited Scott to the Civil War and not him.

Scott: how were we supposed to know? he’s meant to be dead

Clint: RIP that speedy guy 2k15, you shall not be missed

You:  I am physically sobBiNg

Bucky: she’s not kidding, I am three floors down and I can still hear her.

Scott : it sounds like she’s dying

Peter: then it’s nothing new.

Bruce: ARE WE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD A CIVIL WAR?

Bruce: I THOUGHT WE WENT THROUGH THIS

Tony: no brucie, we’re talking about the possibility of (Y/N) having a demon spawn to call their own

Bruce: I hate all of you

T'Challa: I agree, you are all beneath me

Sam: sit yo ass down and drink some milk, cat man

Bucky: #LIGHTLYBURNT

Wanda: IM WHEEZING

Scott: you guys gotta stop roasting each other, (Y/N) is going to D I E of laughter.

Peter: let her  

Tony: what

Peter: f r e e  m e

Steve: moving on…

Thor: yes…please proceed.

Steve: Bruce? Natasha? Thoughts on the dog.

Natasha: I’m against it

You: WHY?? YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE AWESOME AUNT NOT THE ASSHOLE AUNT

Natasha: cats are cooler

Clint: Natasha we can no longer be friends

Natasha: fine by me

Bucky: #CHARED

Tony: science bro?

Bruce: I’m also in favour of a cat, they’re more peaceful and less…like you guys.

T'Challa: I agree

Bucky: leave cat man

T'Challa: call me that again and pietro won’t be the only avenger to have died

T'Challa has left the chat

You: well then…

Peter: I don’t know what to say

Thor: what about brother vision? He has yet to cast his vote.

Wanda: I’ll admit Vis has been very quiet.

Vision: I apologise profusely for my lack of presence.

You: HE JUST PHASED INTO THE COMMON ROOM AS HE TYPED THAT IM W H E E Z I N G

Tony: Steve is your child asthmatic

Steve: she’s  not my child, she’s yours

You: wow what a loving family I have

Thor: indeed, much like my own, at least you are not a murderous pathetic excuse for a villain :)

Wanda: is it me or does the smiley face make it worse ?

Natasha: it’s the smiley face.

Tony: anywho vis, vision, partial creation of mine

Tony: what do you think about getting a dog?

Vision: by my calculations getting a dog would perhaps increase the physical activity of (Y/N) as we have come to realise, She only moves to retrieve a food source before returning to her room. Having a dog would lead to (Y/N) leaving the compound more, in order to walk the animal.

You: I’m sorry I didn’t know asking for a dog would include roasting me

Bucky: #BARBECUED

Peter: what’s with all these hashtags ?

Bucky: I’m running out of synonyms for roasted

Vision: Additionally, having a dog would decrease the stress levels of the team and perhaps everyone’s mutual hatred towards Mr Stark.

Tony: you all hate me?

Steve: its less of hatred and more like a preference for avoiding you :) nothing to worry about.

Tony: oh okay then :)

Clint: how did that go over his head?

Bruce: I have no idea

Vision: to conclude getting a puppy would be most beneficial.

You: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

You: HAHAHA SUCK IT STEVEN IM GETTING A DOG

Bruce: (Y/N) is definitely Stark’s child.

Thor: aye

Natasha: no doubt about it

Loki has joined the chat

Clint: ew who invited him

Wanda: why so salty Clint?

Clint: he tried to take over my mind with some voodoo shit

Sam: VOODOO SHIT IM SCREAMING

Peter: he actually is

Peter: it’s very loud

Loki: you foolish midguardians. I always said that you would be responsible for your own demise.

Scott: what are you on about reindeer games?

Loki: I’m sorry who are you?

Bucky: #OVERCOOKED

Bruce: these hashtags are getting out of hand.

Peter: remind me to teach him how to use them properly.

Thor: brother! :D

Loki: NOT NOW YOU BLONDE HEADED FOOL

Thor:  D:

Wanda: yikes

Loki: I HAVE COME TO WARN YOU.

You: warn us of your presence? Because none of us actually like you.

Thor: I do

Thor: just a bit

Loki: purchasing the vile beast known as man’s best friend will only result in the destruction of the Avengers. We all know (Y/N) would betray us. She would raise this animal, to become a beast. Multiply it and use it to destroy us from the inside.

Steve: is Loki… afraid…of dogs

You: oh my god

Loki: NO YOU IMBECILE I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU

Natasha: Loki? Saving us ?

Vision: in all my years on earth I have never heard such an entertaining tale

Peter: sit the fuck down bish you’re like 2 years old

Bruce: peter omg

Sam: THERE ARE  T E A R S FLOWING FROM MY EYES

Thor: please send help it sounds like he’s choking

Bucky:  l e t  h i m

Steve: what is it with everyone and wanting to kill each other?

You: don’t act like you haven’t wanted to kill any of us, you golden child

Steve: …

Steve: proceed.

Bucky: #

Scott: don’t even start I beg

Bucky: D:

Loki: you mortals will all perish

Tony: so I think we’ve established that Loki is afraid of dogs, and since none of us like him I propose we get one.

Steve: agreed

Loki: NO YOU DENSE HEADED INFERIORS

Tony: all in favour of a dog say aye

Steve: aye

You: aye

Thor: aye

Peter: aye

Scott: aye

Wanda: aye

Vision: aye

Natasha: aye

Bucky: aye

Bruce: aye

Sam: aye

Clint: AYE MOTHER FUCKING AYE BITCHES

Bucky: Clint pls

Natasha: you are an embarrassment to this team, no wonder pietro is always running away from you.

Natasha has left the chat

Clint: damn

Bucky: #SCORCHED

Peter: well now that this has come to end, Let’s go Bucky, I gotta teach you the ways of the hashtag

Sam: oh I have got to see this

Scott: I’m definitely filming this

Bucky has left the chat

Peter has left the chat

Sam has left the chat

Scott has left the chat

Loki: you will all die

Loki has left the chat

Thor: it appears that Loki is having a tantrum

Thor: I must tend to my brother, his feelings have been hurt.

Tony: lolol I don’t care

Steve: same tbh

You: SE E YOU ARE NOT SUCH A PURE GOOD WILLING PERSON AFTER ALL

You: SUCK IT STEVEN

Tony: why do you have such a disrespectful child Steve?

Steve: biologically she’s your creation, you do the math

Clint: LMAOOO

Bruce: brb I’m totally not sobbing with laughter

Thor: I must depart from you friends (: goodbye

You: bye (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

You: (:

Thor: (:

Clint: ISTG JUST LEAVE

Thor: be careful who you yell at brother Clinton. I am always watching.

Thor has left the chat

Bruce: well then

Tony: moving swiftly on

Clint: AHAHAA

You: im finally getting a dog WHOO

Clint: WHOOO

You: WHOOO

Steve: why are you both simultaneously yelling ‘whoo’ whilst typing it at the same time?

You: it’s for effect

Bruce: looool

Tony: anyways since you’re getting this dog, they least you could do is name it after your favourite dad

Steve: I agree, this debate has gone on for too long

Steve: which one of us do you like best?

You: sure why not

Bruce: this is going to get interesting

Clint: I’m ready to take screenshots

You: I’m naming my dog peter

Steve: why?

You: because he’s my favourite daddy

You: duh

(Y/N) has left the chat

Tony: what

Steve: pardon

Bruce: AJAJAJA IM SCREAMING AND WHEEZING AT THE SAME TIME I CANT

Clint: OH MY GOD BYE

Bruce has been disconnected

Clint: I’m totally… going to… see if he’s okay… and not laugh about this

Clint has left the chat

Steve: I can’t believe this

Tony: …

Steve: you have your suit right?

Tony: already putting it on

Steve: the shield?

Tony: it’s right where you left it

Steve: it’s time to go squash a spider

Steve has left the chat

Tony has left the chat

[fuckyeahkagepro]

the Kagepro Konoha problem (TM)

Kagepro fandom: how old is Konoha

Konoha's State of the World pv Konoha: (I'm just going to casually try to interfere with Hibiya [+Hiyori]'s Daze, after not having "existed" before ,,,,,, "this world seems a little dangerous" ----- also my "life" was possibly given to me by a snake)

Ene: designed to be 16, supposedly doesn't age as a cyber girl, but in some Routes returns to her original body, as Takane is v. likely same/similar age as Haruka but,,,, also no canon birthday even as Takane (hahaaaa----)

Girl!Beta!Konoha which very little fans here seems to remember / acknowledge existed, ever: also designed to be /ABOUT/ 16, but,,,,,

Jin, Kagepro creator, also, since 2k12: well, he's Immortal, "Immortal" by definition means he probably doesn't age like a normal human bei ---- (or, dropping major hints, might not even BE a normal human bei ---- )

Shintaro, early novels: well, he's like "a [kid] that [was FORCED to] grow up too fast", he hangs out with Hibiya and Hiyori a /lot/ doesn't he, and plays baseball with the neighborhood children too, and ----

Kagepro fandom: how old is Konoha though, is he even your age,

Hibiya, Music Route, Kagerou Daze song: "this cycle has repeated for DECADE[S]"

Hibiya, early Novels Route: even I don't recall how long I've lived here anymore, but it was for /over/ 10 years,,,,

Hibiya: btw pls stop saying I'm "just 10", I specifically stated over 10 years, I'm transitioning into Junior High school, normal aged Japanese 6th graders [that's the grade before Junior High grades btw] are 11-12 but I might / likely have a weird age too because of the conflicting age issue, for all I know I could now be older bc /everyone else/ is /strangely/ 1 year older than typical real world Japanese school system based ages,,,, btw this includes Hiyori and MOMO and, well, (almost) everyone ----- also /if/ it's ever after November 4th I've aged /again/ too ---- btw how long was I trapped in my Daze for anyway -----

Kagepro fandom: how old is ----

New Form Clearing Eyes, Manga Route 2, 2k18, /MORE THAN ONCE/: "this [IMMORTAL] body" [of Konoha's, of course, bc he didn't actually die, I just took him over] is / amazing and powerful / !! [... bc it's immortal]

Kagepro fandom: how old is he though???

Sidu, in 2k15, v. outdated by now: well, chronologically, HARUKA would be /about/ 19 by Summertime Record, and this is /maybe/ a "conflicting age" because of our weird conflicting age issue anyhow which affects almost ALL the characters, making them a year or so off from a chronological real-world based age [sans ? 18-year-old Shintaro ??], and despite Hibiya's issue too, but ----

Kagepro fandom: Konoha's age though

post-Summertime Record!(?)Haruka, Lost Day Hour manga spinoff, age ??? depending on if he actually aged or not, 2k18: Hi, I'm Haruka! I'm definitely Haruka, it's just me talking! It's 100% definitely, totally me!! /Only Haruka's/ speech patterns and everything!! Konoha? /I'm not going to refer to him at all./ I'm /not even going to acknowledge him/. He's also not going to appear or be shown at all, even just as a faint flashback.

HARUKA, NOVEL 8: also, /time doesn't pass [on the other side] [from where I am]/ ,,,,, /it's like not even a second passed hahahaaa/ ,,,,,,

Kagepro fandom: But Konoha's age???

Jin: / kOnOHA IS I M M O R T A L /

certain parts of Kagepro fandom: Gotcha! He's exactly STR!Haruka's chronological age regardless of timeline issues, so he's the exact same as a human adult! Konohasships areboringanyways weonlycareaboutHarukas sowellwriteoffallofKonohasships. Thanks!

everyone else:

[yandereshit]

Izaya x Reader: salad. [Durarara]

So! A story I wrote in 2k15 and translated to english... well, today. The translation may be a bit weird since I’m not used to doing these, but... well, yes. Here we go lololol have fun with this weird ass shit.

Evening ritual always looked the same. The very moment the night fell upon the city – which happened quite late during summer – you showered and, wearing your cute pink pajamas, you took out the cucumber-meat salad from the fridge and pouring its small amount into a special, porcelain bowl and putting a spoon inside as well, using the lack of interest from your parents’ side, you quietly left the flat, wearing your plushy flip-flops to stay warm and quiet at once.

Luckily, no neighbor has seen you in this weird state. This time your hair was still wet, which made you even more willing to stay unnoticed. You went up the six-floor building and opened the roof’s door. According to the ritual, you’ll sit at the edge of the roof and, staring at the bright, night city, eat the heavenly gift as known as your mommy’s salad.

The door creaked when you stepped outside. The wind started to move chaotically, unwittingly drying your hair. You shook your head, trying to move the strands aside to clear your sight, because the wind hit you from behind, covering your face with the mess of hair. And when you finally managed to do so… well.

“Huh? You’re not Magenta-san.”

Eeeeh...?

You looked up and stared at the silhouette standing a few meters away and staring back at you with concern on his face.

Magenta, Magenta, Magenta... Um…

“It’s shade of pink…?” you guessed, reminding yourself of the hours spent in Ikea on choosing the right color for the curtains.

The silhouette blinked, a bit disoriented. He scanned over your body and put his hands in the pockets of his jacket, tilting his head to the side with a smile and apparently waiting for what YOU were about to do.

“I… u-um...” you stuttered, because the man was standing in your way to your favorite spot on the roof. “I wanted to eat only...” you muttered and, with your face red from embarrassment (wind, why are you not covering my face NOW?!) you circled around the person and sat with crossed legs at the edge of the roof, about to start your meal.

There was a silence. You took a bit of the salad on the spoon, stared at it and sighed deeply, trying to suppress the will to look around at the stranger. You probably should ask him what he’s doing here. But right now, you definitely preferred to take care of the salad and assume… that you’ll keep ignoring him till he goes away. The taste of your favorite meal was so tempting that you really wanted to believe it’ll just work.

One way or another, you lived here since forever. Officially, no one was allowed to enter the roof. And this stranger definitely wasn’t a neighbor since you’ve never seen him before.

You pressed your lips together, putting the spoon in the bowl and carefully taking the phone out from your pocket. You raised it to your eyes’ level to use the reflection to see the other person behind you.

But as it seemed, the person disappeared from your sight. You shrugged, putting your phone aside and finally deciding to take care of the salad.

“You have a cute dog” you heard suddenly right behind yourself and jumped (quite comically, considering you were sitting), letting go of the spoon and miraculously not losing the bowl as well. The spoon screamed drastically and a few seconds later, landed as a bloody stain on the pavement dozens of meters lower. Or maybe you just imagined that. Either way, you lost it.

“Oh dang it” you muttered, standing up and turning around, only to notice that SOMEONE barely a meter further stared at the screen of a phone. You glanced at the spot next to yourself. And yes, it was YOUR phone. You had the photo of your dog on your lock screen.

Automatically, you reached in the thief’s direction, he though, not even looking up, spun around, whirling away from your grasp. It forced you to use more strength and as a result, you lost your balance. And before you managed to stop, both you and the salad’s bowl flied in the floor’s direction.

However, unlike you, the bowl never met the ground. But a few moments later you realized in terror that the stranger has two hostages now. And – by the way – that the roof is quite dirty and you’ll have to take a shower again.

“Give back my salad!” you yelled in annoyance. Well, priorities differ. The stranger snorted and moved away a bit more, extending the hand with the phone in your direction. You hesitantly took it and put in the pocket, but it was obviously not enough. You wanted your salad!

In the meanwhile, the man moved aside and started eating the salad with his fingers.

You screamed in despair, feeling the anger boil inside of you. No one. Is. Allowed. To. Touch. Your. Salad.

You raised your fist in attempt to hit the man’s face. At that moment, the food lost its value. The revenge was what you craved for. It was a fight for honor.

Unfortunately, the man dodged. You tried to hit him a few more times, then kick, you generally tried everything you could. And he – barely amused – without hurry dodged all your attacks, making sure that nothing would happen to the salad and (if that was not enough) he even found time to keep eating it. At least he was aware what kind of treasure he’s holding!

Eventually, you let out a weird, frustrated growl and grasped his jacket with both hands, putting all your strength in not letting go. But he didn’t even try to break free.

“And what now?” he asked with a childish smile on his face, watching every single feature of your silhouette. Ah well. Your hands were busy. The first thing you thought of was kicking him, but he quickly made you unable to do so, standing on your toes. Your flip flops had no chance in comparison to normal shoes so an attempt to break free turned futile.

You pressed your lips together, thinking of literally ANY possibility to rub that annoying smile off his face. And finally, when the man probably thought you’re about to give up… you pulled him to yourself and with all the strength left, bit into his neck

He screamed, letting go of the bowl which shattered on the ground.

"O-oi, it hurts! ヘ（。□°）ヘ", he whimpered, trying to push you off himself. But it made him only hurt more, because you bit into him like some tick. He closed his eyes tightly, focusing on bearing the pain.

Suddenly, you felt a weird, metallic taste. Not fitting to the bitter taste of his cologne you were feeling for the few seconds till now. You pulled your teeth out of his neck, staring in disbelief at the slightly bleeding wound on your victim’s neck.

“Finally...” the “victim” muttered, flopping onto the ground.

“Um...” you whimpered, covering your mouth with your hand. You licked over your lips, and then… “Oh my God! I will catch something!” you yelled, spatting out as much of your saliva as you could. You started to cough in despair.

The man glared at you, carefully touching the wound. The skin in that place was weirdly jelly in touch. He stared at you for some time, clearly not willing to interrupt.

You in the meanwhile, hardly got yourself together and finally stared at him angrily.

“Youuu...”

“You’re not done yet?!” he asked in panic, covering his neck with hands.

“Look at what you’ve done!” you yelled, pointing the shattered bowl and your dead salad around it. “You killed it!”

“You bit me!” he noticed, standing up and brushing the dust off his trausers.

“I-it was in self-defense!” you announced. “And because you stole it from me! You’re the guilty one!

He sighed, rolling his eyes, which for some reason pissed you off even more. You gathered the rest of your despair and you were about to throw yourself at him once again… when something glistened in front of your eyes and stopped by your neck,  informing you that any attempt to move will end tragically. Your heart stopped for a short second and you held your breath, as if fearing that any uncontrolled movement can cause something you pretty much didn’t want to happen. You felt a slight pressure and backed away in panic, tripping and landing back on the ground.

“Maybe I should return the favor, vamp?” he suggested enthusiastically (which seemed, in your opinion, pretty creepy), tilting his head so that you could see the wound on his neck. And it looked pretty ugly. The scar would probably stay there for a few weeks or even months...

He stared at you for a few moments, analyzing the emotions appearing on your face. Shock, then confusion, still lasting anger mixed with fear for your life. The man you just really painfully bit stood in front of you with a blade pointing at your throat, ready to end your life with a short movement. Every blow of the wind made you feel as if he’s already done so.

Not a comfortable situation.

You stared at him as well. He looked like some creepypasta sociopath. Actually, he looked like one from the very beginning. His dark eyes moved slowly along your silhouette, analyzing every single piece of your body. He seemed to seep through you with his stare, yet his face stayed firm. His arrogant smirk distracted you.

Suddenly, he put the knife in the pocket of his jacket and stepped back, not looking away from your face.

He chuckled.

“There, you don’t have to be scared… that much. I’m glad I could see that many of your emotions in such a short amount of time. They were really entertaining.” He laughed and turned around, moving away as if he couldn’t care less about what you were about to do. “And now excuse me, there’s one more person I need to play with today.”

You let out an annoyed grumble and got up, eventually ignoring him and going to the building’s door. Then finally it got to you, how late, cold and windy it became in the meanwhile.

“Ah, one more thing” the man added suddenly, just before you closed the door behind yourself. “Next time, I’d like to also see you laugh.”

As if on call, you laughed.

Hysterically.

You shut the door behind yourself and went back to your flat. You entered the kitchen, took out the whole pot of the salad and, reaching for a new spoon, decided to take all the accumulated anger out on your digestive system.

[bi-swan-trash]

SQW Summer 2K18 Day 4

A shameless self-promotion of my Summer 2K15 prompt I did about True Love tattoos.

Links to my other SQW days: 1, 2, 3

MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING: self harm.

The first time flowers showed up on Emma’s body was when she was ten-years-old. Frightened, she asked her mother what it meant.

“Those flowers show you where your soulmate will have scars,” Mary Margaret told her. “The flowers will go away after awhile.”

“Why does she have scars on her body?” Emma asked.

She?” Mary Margaret asked.

Emma merely nodded.

Pulling herself together she told her daughter, “well, she’s probably an adventurer like you. Maybe she climbed a tall tree and fell.”

Emma nodded slowly. “I hope so.”

Mary Margaret wasn’t quite sure what Emma meant, but Emma was already back to reading her book.

***

As Emma grew, she received scars of her own, because like her mother always said-- she was an adventurer.

But they never matched the amount of flowers that came and went over her body.

The worst bout of flowers happened when Emma was sixteen. She was sitting at her desk doing her homework when rows and rows of overlapping flowers appeared on her left wrist. She pushed back from her desk and held her left wrist in her right hand, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.

Emma was never one to self harm-- she’d never even considered it-- but seeing those flowers was all too much. Her soulmate was in so much pain all the time and she knew it. Emma wished she knew who her soulmate was so she could talk to her, but the only thing tying them together was scars. So Emma did what she had to do to show her soulmate she was there.

Emma retrieved her pocket knife she always carried on her and cut a thin line on her left wrist over the amass of flowers.

Immediately the flowers stopped multiplying.

She went to get some gauze, content that her soulmate seemed to realize that she was there for her.

***

At twenty, Emma decided to get a tattoo on her left wrist. Her soulmate hadn’t cut in four years since the incident. She wanted something simple, just as a reminder.

While she was waiting in the tattoo parlor, a young brunette entered and sat near her.

“What are you getting?” Emma asked, trying to make conversation.

“A crown on my right shoulder to commemorate my dad,” she told Emma. “He always called me his princess.”

“That’s sweet.”

“What are you getting?”

“Well…” Emma hesitated to tell her soulmate’s business, but she figured it was alright-- she was proud. “About four years ago my soulmate was going through a rough patch. I just reminded her that I was there, even if she couldn’t see me. So I’m getting a flower tattoo on my left wrist.”

The other woman froze. “Did you… did you see flowers on your left wrist?”

Emma smiled sadly. “Yeah. I didn’t know what else to do to show I was there, so I just… I cut myself once to remind her she wasn’t alone.”

“That was you?” The brunette asked quietly.

Emma’s mouth dropped open and suddenly one scar in particular caught her eye. On her top lip was a small scar. Emma had had a flower there for a month.

“Twelve,” Emma whispered.

“What?”

“I was twelve when you got this,” Emma said, pointing to her lip.

“Regina,” the woman said. “My name is Regina.”

“Oh! Uh, right. I’m Emma,” she replied.

“Do you mind if I watch you get your tattoo done?”

“Nope. It’s for you, after all,” Emma said.

Regina blushed. “I’m sorry for that.”

Emma took her left wrist gently. “Don’t be sorry. I’m just so glad you’re here.”

[triptychexe]

TROMME - PART TWO: DEBUT MINI ALBUM [2015]

PART TWO was released on October 6th, 2015 by TROMME, the second subunit to come from Triptych. TROMME releases an EDM influenced mini album with dance-friendly beats and hype vibes. Despite the upbeat tones, their lyrical ability shines through, tackling subjects like criticism of societal norms in title track “SIMON SAYS”, “REAL MEN” and “SAY IT”, then switching to sentimental feelings in songs “LIPS” and “POLAROID”, never straying from their signature dance and EDM beats.

△ TRACK BY TRACK.

1] SIMON SAYS

Since their trainee days, the boys had a specific message that they wanted to get across from the moment they debuted. They really wanted to challenge society and the concept of masculinity, so they figured their debut song would be about how everyone is controlled, hoping that it would wake people up.

Written by all three boys.

Line distribution can be found here.

2] REAL MEN

The boys really went through a phase of questioning what masculinity really meant. They realized that as they were growing up, they were surrounded by hyper-masculine ideals and standards

SO they decided to use their voice to express what being a real man meant to them in this song. Mocks a lot of gender stereotypes through lyrics. They were criticized pretty heavily for this one.

Written by all three members.

3] LIPS

This song is really just about staring at your crushes lips and wanting to kiss them. There’s really no deep meaning here. Gender neutral so anyone can relate tho!! And alludes to the power of ~consent~

The first two songs were very heavy and opinionated and the boys are still young. They wanted to just have ONE thirst song okay??? LET THEM LIVE.

Written by Teo and Asa

4] RUN IT

Another song that’s just for fun. About working hard to get where you wanna be in the world. If you wanna be something, work for it. Know that TROMME is in your corner and they believe in you AND your dreams!

Honestly they just wanna be supportive. Like they know what it’s like to have your dreams be criticized by others. They want Artychs to feel like they have the power to take charge of their life.

Written by Teo and Eli.

5] POLAROID

Reflecting on their trainee days and predebut moments, TROMME gets a little sentimental on this chill RnB track. They just wanna remember their roots and where they came from with this song.

The music video featured S.O.T and other old videos from their trainee days. Good times and good memories, you know?

Written by all three members

6] SAY IT

All about learning how to speak your mind. They really want people to start standing up against injustices that they see in everyday life. 

Discuss a lot of things like bullying and harassment, sexism and racism, and about how being silent on something means that you are taking the side of the oppressor. All bottled up in a dance-able track! 

Written by all three members.

△ THIS ERA.

We got center Eli this era, which will lowkey be the last time he’s truly center because he realized that it’s too much being both a leader and a center position.

Despite Eli being center... Teo had a viral fancam which was like... the first time a Triptych member got a ton of attention from a fandom that wasn’t artych.

The fanbase was super prepared for TROMME’s debut, so they were able to pull 8.5 million views in the first 24 hours! Which is! Crazy! Do these fans even sleep??

Because of the dedicated streaming and voting, TROMME won 3 music show awards over the course of their promotional period. 

PART TWO peaked at #5 on Melon, which was huge.

The Triptych TV episode where S.O.T and TROMME were reunited after being debuted idols? Everyone teared up a little.

They got a music video for their B-Side song “POLAROID” which they got to film and direct all on their own in 100 hours (it was on an episode of Triptych TV). 

“POLAROID” became a fan favorite, especially because the boys added footage in from their trainee days and S.O.T was in the video as well. 

This was the era where Eli was outed as a BTS fanboy and the fandom lowkey thought it was so funny because it explained why Eli was bowing at like a 95 degree angle when he interacted with BTS at music shows and stuff.

A ton of memes were birthed from this era because TROMME are reaction KINGS. They all don’t have a poker face, so their facial reactions are relatable and raw. 

Which means it was really obvious to fans that Asa and Teo weren’t getting along. Better known as The InHiko Fight of 2k15.

Basically, they were caught giving each other the stink eye as they walked towards their managers car after a schedule. Asa rushed ahead so he could get into the car before Teo. No one knows why they were fighting... but TROMME does.

Basically, Asa was a little shit this era. He really had no faith in Eli or his leadership skills. Teo defended Eli and Asa was like “damn this bitches are conspiring against me!!” so there was a lot of unnecessary tension. It all got cleared up, just like how S.O.T’s tension cleared up, but towards the end of their promotions, things were a little awkward.

△ ERA FASHION.

Back at it with the color-coded fits!!

Yes, primary colors were still mandatory for stage outfits.

And does HBH have a sponsorship deal with Doc Martens? Because that’s all Triptych seems to wear. 

Their debut outfits were... ugly. They wore them a couple of times and people were like “jesus christ, can they PLEASE stop wearing that!” 

But also they’re iconic in the way that NCT’s Cherry Bomb outfits are iconic. You’ll never get the image of TROMME dancing around like Crayola factory workers out of your brain. 

The boys wore women’s blouses to award shows all the time. They legit don’t care. “Clothing is clothing.” - Eli, 2015.

Hair:

Eli had curly light brown hair.

Teo had a black undercut sjkdsg this is why bitches be feral.

Asa had black hair that was pretty long, like not to his shoulders but like,,, below his jaw im bad at describing hair  

△ FANDOM BEHAVIORS.

Maybe it’s because a good chunk of the fanbase is made up of straight women, but Artychs started going absolutely feral or maybe it’s because Asa and Zim’s combined feral energy started rubbing off on them

Artychs literally forgot how to act this era. They started being so thirsty it was like “woah, what happened to the sweet artychs that treated S.O.T like queens?” 

They lowkey sexualized TROMME so much it was gross. Like the boys are out here trying to stop toxic masculinity and you’re making thirst trap vine edits of them? 

TROMME stans started beefing with S.O.T stans. The fandom was too busy fighting each other to really have any other outside beef. 

On the bright side, artychs became a very dedicated fanbase during this era and showed other fandoms that they know how to vote.

[mittensmorgul]

I have a long string of tags that are basically subdivisions within the “writing is hard” tag that-- just looking at the tags themselves-- would give folks the impression I’m some sort of flailing incarnation of melodrama who’s driven to swooning over practically every aspect of the process of writing. Summaries, synopses, editing, beginnings, endings, middles, dialogue, exposition. And yes, titles. But this post from earlier this morning made me really stop and think.

I’ve posted 35 fics, and struggled with naming the vast majority of them. Some of them I’m still not entirely satisfied with. A couple I just sort of slapped a tangentially-related word on so I could save the documents and it ended up sticking. And a very few just sort of... came to me, and felt perfectly suited.

(I really wish that happened more often).

But it made me wonder about my own personal process for giving titles to stories.

Below a cut, because nobody else in the known universe probably cares. :P

In chronological order of posting (which means there’s two fics within the Everything Is Subtext series that are technically listed out of order for how they should be read, but it’s not like that matters.) 

Bunker Love 2k15 which I didn’t name, but it does contain my first posted fic. My contribution to the project is creatively yet aptly titled “Chapter 5: Castiel.” So that was sort of a no-brainer, easy way to avoid having to make up names for stuff.

Dream as if You'll Live Forever The idea for this originally sprouted from the initial concept for the Bunker Love Fest. And then Jenn gave me the very specific details for writing my chapter, as well as the 3k word limit, and I knew I needed to write this out as its own fic. But the Bunker Love had to do with the dreams each character had during one night where they were subjected to a “curse.” The title itself is part of a quote by James Dean, and I’ve since seen it used on numerous other fics, so I guess it lacks originality. :P 

Project Beyonce: The Unmaking of Dean Winchester in Ten Easy Steps: This title is blatantly ridiculous. And I love it. This is one of those titles that just sort of ~happened~ as I was writing. Once the “Project Beyonce” part hit me, it was like a cascade of lightbulbs going off. From that point on, I went back and edited in all the ridiculous chapter notes, and all the “wackadoo math” at the end of each chapter. So this, more than any of my other titles, is essentially responsible for making the entire fic, quite literally.

At the Hot Topical  is a coda fic for 10.20. And there’s probably a hundred other identically (or nearly identically) titled coda fics all published within 24 hours of 10.20 airing. I’ve probably read (and loved) all of them.

You Can't Make Honey Without A Few Stings sequel to Project Beyonce, where there’s a little bit of angst, but it’s still mostly sweet. And the turning point of the whole fic takes place at a beehive in the middle of an apple orchard. 

It Wasn't Entirely Terrible this is technically a sort of “six years later” coda fic for 4.17, where Dean runs into a man he’d dated during the two weeks he’d thought he was Dean Smith, proving that there was at least one not-terrible thing about Zachariah’s head games. :)

Happiness In Leather Pants a short case-adjacent fic where Cas’s wardrobe is called into question while he’s staking out a goth club. He’s essentially adopted by several friends who help him pick out a wardrobe more befitting his personality. Dean is simultaneously grateful and deaded, and he and Cas both find happiness in a pair of leather pants. Talk about on-the-nose titling! :P 

The Monster At The End Of The Hall This one’s obviously a play on the title of 4.18 (which is itself the title of a children’s book, the Monster at the End of This Book). This one’s kinda meta, like Kilgore Trout Vonnegut. Cas is a writer burning his candle at both ends to make his deadline, while some carelessly rude neighbors are moving in to the apartment upstairs. The poor thing was sleep deprived and frazzled, but the new neighbors just wouldn’t give him a moment’s peace. Poor Cas finally... snaps. This was a frustratingly hilarious self-portrait as I struggled to meet my first DCBB draft deadline. Sorry I stole your gig there, Chuck.

(also, a heck of a lot of my titles are just tongue-in-cheek meta references)

Fresh Tendrils This started as crack fic about @winjennster’s houseplants, and turned into a speculation on the nature of angel grace disguised as the weirdest crack... Team Free Plants. The title itself is a song by Soundgarden.

Working Out The Kinks Have I mentioned that I like titles that mean more than one thing? Because I DOOOOO. TFW is finishing up a poltergeist case for a nice old lady who insists they accept payment for their services in the form of a gift certificate to a spa. Literal kinks get worked out. Dean and Cas also work out some of the kinks in their relationship, and innuendo ensues. Emotional kinks and kinky-kinks. Everything works out in the end. Except this one is rated T and there’s no like... explicit kinkiness. Because I can be cruel that way. What can I say, it’s one of my kinks. :P

Revenge of the Subtext aka my first DCBB, aka the one that spent months tentatively called “Fuck Titles” because I had no idea what to call it. A case goes sideways in the best possible way, and Dean and Cas (and Sam, but that’s covered in another installment in the ‘verse) get their wishes granted. They get three days where they don’t have to hunt and get to experience their lives in an alternate (French Mistake style) universe where they’re actors on a tv show called Supernatural... except this time they’re not on set, they’re at a Supernatural fan convention. They essentially get to bring the subtext into text. :P The title hit me while I was writing, when Dean referenced 10.05, destiel, and the subtext.

October in the Rain Technically the third bit of RotS, written on a lark after I got caught in a dounpour while racing through a corn maze. The title is a play on the Sinatra song September In The Rain. Because it’s October. :P (also, this fic is the source of the AO3 icon I’ve been using since the day this posted-- the Bee Facts sign was on display at the goat enclosure, and I bothered to stop and take a picture despite the cold rain. I laughed at myself and thought it was something Cas would definitely do.

These Are Words In A Script technically the second installment of RotS, which covers what happened to Sam while Dean and Cas were stuck at a fan convention for three days. The title is a line from 6.15, where Sam and Dean are talking with “Cas,” and discover it’s fake Cas-- some dude named Misha. Misha?! It’s literally the point where they first go “off script” in universe, and Misha breaks character because his lines no longer match up with his script pages. Dean wads the script up and shoves it at Cas, who throws the pages jokingly as they walk away. Yeah, this one’s a super meta title, because this fic begins at the moment Sam’s experiences diverge from Dean and Cas’s. Sam wakes up to find Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins sharing his motel room. The actors are able to finally fill Sam in on... a lot of stuff he honestly deserves to know. Things that if he’d been able to read the whole script of the story, he’d have learned...

May Your Days Bee Merry And Bright a holiday installment for the Project Beyonce ‘verse. Which, again, involves bees. :P

Oh, Hell No the first “preemptive coda” fic I ever wrote, in the winter hellatus before 11.10 aired... where I pushed for a very different and FAR more hilarious outcome. Basically this is what SHOULD’VE happened, in a perfect world. And the title is just my way of shoving away thoughts of all the potentially awful things that likely would happen instead.

Sunset this one sprouted from a tumblr prompt about lake and shore imagery, sun imagery, combined with Cas’s ability to appear to Dean in dreams from 4.20... and it’s one of the ones I just slapped a relevant word on so I could save the document, and it’s not inaccurate, so it just sorta stuck. It’s a bit meta-y and very much not my typical fluffy crack style.

Just Like A Honeymoon The fourth installment of Project Beyonce, because every series needs occasional angst, and I’d actually hinted at a bit of darkness lingering around in Dean’s past, and around the fringes of Cas’s life, and I felt like I needed to just address those things so these guys could eventually have the truly happy ending they deserve. It’s written (I hope!) like a case fic, and throughout Dean and Cas support each other completely. The title comes from a joke Dean tells near the end of the fic, and is like... the epitome of dramatic irony.

Two For The Price Of One coda fic for 11.21 that took the absolute most crack route I could think of... that Chuck evicted Lucifer from Cas but in an improbably ridiculous fashion... by just ~duplicating~ Cas’s body and stuffing Lucifer in the duplicate. Lucifer is not best pleased, but Sam finally finds a way get a little payback. I just thought the title was hilarious. :P

In Jeopardy! Part four of RotS. While trapped in a motel during a bad storm, Cas displays an affinity for trivia while watching old Jeopardy! reruns on the game show channel. Dean decides they should capitalize on Cas’s vast knowledge to earn a bit of “honest” money. Basically, Cas wins on Jeopardy! A lot! Based on my personal (and Mr. Mittens’) experiences as contestants (and winners) on Jeopardy! (and yes, it’s technically misspelled if you leave off the bang) :P

(awaits an influx of new OMG YOU WERE ON JEOPARDY?! anons. I’ll save you the trouble: http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/141122976800/mittensmorgul-tristinawright)

Rule 34 It’s the rule of the internet that states that if a thing exists, then porn of the thing also exists. In which Cas accidentally discovers this fact while attempting to understand a bizarre conversation filled with Princess Bride references. Awkwardness ensues. :P

Around the World in 24 Days Part five of Project Beyonce, but also my entry into the Reality Show crossover genre. Based on the show The Amazing Race, in which teams of contestants follow a scavenger hunt of clues on a race around the world. Hence the title being a play on “Around the World in 80 Days.” There’s adventure, weird tasks, kilts, and gishwhes-style challenges they have to complete along the way. (and it’s also their ACTUAL honeymoon, so there’s that). Basically this is a story I wrote because I NEEDED TO READ IT, and it was An Undertaking™. It’s one of those fics that not many people read because it’s the fifth fic in a very long series, but dammit... it’s a wild ride. :P

By The Light Of The Moon this was essentially a vivid description of a bizarre fever dream I had, when I was so sick I could barely sit up. I sat up long enough to post this, and I have no idea why I stuck this title on it, other than it’s sort of about the moon... it’s essentially destiel meta, but like... in the style of a Coleridge opium vision...

The Twelve Days (Or Is It Years?) Of Christmas 2016 Christmas fic, based on the song the Twelve Days of Christmas, wherein a cursed holiday decoration is accidentally activated when Dean hands it to Cas, because “my true love gave to me...” The bunker is steadily being overrun by birds, until Dean and Cas figure out what the spell is trying to tell them. (it’s been YEARS already! FIGURE IT OUT DUDES!)

Until I Know This Sure Uncertainty, I'll Entertain The Offered Fallacy This is the “EVERYBODY SWAP!” fic. The title is a line from the Comedy of Errors. Here’s a concise explanation for why I chose this line (it’s a bit meta): “S. Antipholus is certain he is dreaming, or was dreaming when he married this woman. This dream-state is an echo of all the supernatural stuff he assumes is afoot in Ephesus. Again S. Antipholus seems to use the supernatural as an excuse to avoid looking at a more complex reality.“ And... *waves hand at this entire fic*

I can't believe Dean and Cas are STILL making out! Also canon case fic. I mean, sort of... it’s a bit cracky by design. The title was blatantly ripped off from Lizbob’s fic, “I can't believe Dean and Cas made out“ which was posted the day before, since we were trading bizarre headcanons while simultaneously writing them.

The Exception to Every Rule basically just what it says on the tin. This was my 2017 Pinefest fic, and the main thing keeping them apart most of the fic was a long list of rules. Well, until they find a way to turn every last rule on its head... (like... this is a pinefest fic and they do pine for each other, but then... I am spoiling the entire fic to explain why the title is so cool... aw... just read it and then ask me to explain if it’s not obvious, because sometimes my meta thoughts are more zen than most people typically think.) :P

Conversation Hearts 12.11 coda fic, but also Valentine’s Day fic. Dean has trouble finding the right words, and gets an assist with candy. I love the summary on this one. It’s probably my favorite summary:  Dean takes stock of the things he remembers, and the things he's always tried to make himself forget. If he can't make his own words, maybe store-bought is fine.

Hurry Up And Wait canon case fic, wherein things are alternately IMMEDIATELY LIFE THREATENING or else unbearably dull. I don’t even know where the title came from. It’s a line in the fic, and it sorta “feels right” for the story. And yeah, this is the one I wrote around a single joke. I can’t really explain it, but this is absolutely the “correct” title for this story. It belongs on this story. LotR references, faeries, and a canon compliant way to bring Charlie back, all in one. There’s been a lot of waiting. :P

Aftermath 12.21 fix it fic, Eileen lives. That’s all you need to know.

Ultraviolet canon case fic, and the title’s based on the U2 song of the same name. Like, the whole fic is basically the album Achtung Baby (which I almost used as a title, but decided I liked Ultraviolet better because I cry when I imagine Baby singing it to Dean). But also, regarding the last three songs on Achtung Baby: “Ultraviolet" serves, with the other two songs at the album's end, "Acrobat" and "Love Is Blindness", to explore how couples face the task of reconciling the suffering they have imposed on each other. And that’s also what Dean and Cas do throughout the fic.

Dean's Days Off literally what it says on the tin. What Dean does when he gets a rare day off. Cas has known all along, but Dean has never suspected. This is what happens when they stop trying to keep it all secret from each other.

Survival 101 cuddling for warmth, Dean tries to play it off casually with this phrase in the story, but heck it’s about so much more than survival. :)

Naughty or Nice 2017 Christmas fic, which is a bit of a festive jab at Jack’s persistence in categorizing everything as “good” or “bad.” It’s also Jack trying to make sense of human holiday traditions, and to do something “good” by decorating the bunker for Christmas. Patience shows up with dire warnings for their safety, but her psychic visions can’t account for Jack’s intentions... Things go predictably “bad.” But it all works out in the end. :D

The Terminal Job canon case fic, wherein shenanigans at an airport expose a Leverage-style monster operation... hence the title being in the style of a Leverage episode title. :P

Winchester 275 In the story, it’s the name of Dean’s horse ranch, as well as a tribute to Baby. The Impala’s original stock engine was 275 horsepower, and Dean raises horses (even if he doesn’t quite have 275 of them). It’s still a “horsepower” nod. :P

And then there’s the fic I’m working on right now, which I’ve been referring to in vague update posts as Project Plotbunny. If I remember, I’ll come back and add it to this post after I’ve finished writing it. :P

So basically I like it if a title has more than one meaning. The more meta the better. Either that or I just sorta grab the first thing that even makes the remotest bit of sense. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This is why titles are the worst.

[kaisooficrec]

Hi :) Idk if my request makes sense, but something where one is a psychopath (or both). Fluff, smut, horror, angst. The genre is not important to me :)

Hi anon!!! So here are some cray cray!KaiSoo for ya!!!

sleep with the window open - Might not be the typical psycopath you’re after but Jongin’s really creepy here

The Cure - Technically it’s OT9 but the KaiSoo pairing is quite Strong™ & the plot twist with psycho!Soo & victim!Jingo is WHOA

Super Psycho Love - Jongin’s messed up childhood turned him into a psycho

Psycho Games - Soo is a masochistic prisoner & Jongin a sadistic prison guard

Sex Therapy - Depressed!Soo wants craycray!Jingon to fix him by having lotsa sexy times

all of these scars - UPONINFINITY NEVER DISAPPOINTS YO!!! Psycho!Jongin in a mental ward

Red (Give it up for - pain) - Soo volunteers at an asylum & gets assigned to psycho patient Jongin

- Admin W

Across - Hitman!AU, this a real good shit!!! Kyungsoo is a hitman & he lives across the street from the place where Jongin works & Jongin always watches him because he’s got a crush on him but Soo, the suspicious and oblivious dumbass, thought Jongin might be an undercover vigilante or something so he kidnaps him. Psycho!Soo & prob psycho!Jongin too

Figure 8 - Kai is kidnapped by a mysterious man, who calls himself The Phantom and delirious Kai’s dreams flashback to his memories of Kyungsoo, his deceased lover (TW for abduction, car accidents and char. d.)

Leaving is not enough; you must stay gone. - Jongin gets a boyfriend who seems very shy & hesitant first but the longer they are together the more possessive Kyungsoo gets (NOTE: You need to join the community to access the fics)

Watched - Psychological, thriller, innocent KaiSoo with a plot twist ;) (NOTE: You need to join the community to access the fics)

‘til death do us part + part 2 (since the link put in there is broken) - Kaisoommer 2k15 was intense af there’s so many brilliant dark fics omg, so Jongin is the typical bad boy who promises Soo the world but he turns out to a bit more psycho than just “bad” lol

of secret notes and secret smiles - Jekyll/Hyde!au mixed with a little Romeo and Juliet tragedy

back in bloom - More like creepy!KaiSoo but dang

‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer - Psychopath!Soo but Jongin isn’t innocent either

Stars - mental health problems, angsty, kd is fcked up but that wont stop them be tgt (tw:dubcon)

- Admin J

More can be found in our Psycho!AUs tag here! Happy reading, lovelies ♡♡♡