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phantaloon-books · 4 years

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I finally read The Tyrant's Tomb and boi I loved this one so much, so here's some my opinion on it (they're not in chronological order)

warning, this is long af and sorry for cursing a bit, I can't help it

Apollo's character arc is lowkey one of the best Rick has written, I'm sorry if you don't agree, but he's gone from wanting others to solve his problems and relying on the halfbloods to intentionally avoiding others doing things for him, volunteering for the quests and saying it should be him that faces the terrible stuff so that demigods and other creatures don't suffer

something really interesting is how his perception of himself has changed, and it's almost worrying how genuinely self depreciating his inner dialogue is, because he no longer sees himself as mighty Apollo, he sees himself as worthless and useless Lester, and his narration is highkey depressing

Also, Apollo disliking and being somewhat disgusted of the god he used to be, realizing the horrible things he had done and how horrible he was and that he looked worse as the former Apollo than as Lester, regretting things he'd done, that's top tier development

(I'm sorry but I love the entire scene with the ravens, the part where he just screams "I'm sorry" it feels as if he isn't just apologizing to the ravens, but to everyone who's been affected by what he's done as a selfish god)

Reyna so openly turning down and laughing at Apollo for suggesting they be together is my favorite thing ever lmao I couldn't stop laughing, like she knew what gods can do if you turn them down (even if it was just mortal Lester) and she didn't give a damn, it was so fucking funny

people say Rick only includes diversity for the sake of including it and to gain popularity, but I still enjoy the fact that he does, because as a teacher he must have had all kinds of students of all religions, colors and sexualities, he includes diversity because he's seen diversity. anyway my point is I love that we have Lavinia, a Jewish lesbian from a Russian family, and she's not ashamed of being any of them

I'm sorry I just love Apollo so much, I've grown to respect him so much, and even if Hermes once said them gods often forget their oaths and promises, I have a feeling Apollo won't ever forget Jason's request that he never forgets what's it like to be mortal

Frank still admiring Apollo despite everything, and despite the fact that he looks like a messed up teen makes me go all uwu

Frank being portrayed as this clumsy and awkward kid but also this powerful and brave leader is my favorite thing ever because I think Frank is underrated and I dare to say that he's one of the strongest demigods we've ever met, even stronger than some of the nig three children

the whole thing about the undead army is honestly so creepy, especially when we see it from Apollo's perspective cause se him slowly succumb to the venom's effect, and that part in Tarquin's tomb where he "calls Lester to be part of his undead" was genuinely disturbing, at least to me

some books in the past have touched the part of the nature spirits not being given enough attention, but I really enjoyed how Apollo comes to realize that he only worries about demigods and gods when all lives are worth the same - mortals, halfbloods, nature spirits, gods, and even monsters

again, I love Apollo's arc, it's just AHH he's becoming so caring of life it just makes me happy

Reyna choosing herself to make herself happy is everything, and inspiring to every single woman who is told by others that they need someone to be happy, I just love it, because self love is the most important love of all

I haven't said anything about it, but man I love Meg and Apollo's friendship, they just care so much for each other, Meg who's so scared of losing her loved ones and Apollo who's so scared of not being able to be loved or to love, but they still love each other, and I'm glad it's not romantic, because yes fraternal love is also what people need, and their friendship is what they need

aurum and argentum being cute doggos rather than the steely (no pun intended) and cold dogs we met in HoO warms my heart. I don't understand why they're so cute and adorable, or maybe that's just how Apollo sees them, but they seem to act like actual dogs in this book

the fact that Reyna never confirmed nor denied being attracted to Thalia just makes me all hyped up, like we love Theyna

Apollo just gives off Eddie Brock vibes throughout the entire book and that's hilarious asf. ever since the start he's said to look like shit, feel like shit and be injured with deathly poison that will turn him to a zombie. if that isn't Venom vibes I don't know what is

I've said it once and I'll say it again, Frank Zhang is one of the strongest demigods Rick has ever introduced in a series, and him facing two immoral and godly in power emperors, burning one to death with his own life fire and injuring the other enough for Apollo to do the final kill is top tier

"If I'm going to burn, I might as well burn bright. This is for Jason." bitch actual goosebumps

We've seen countless deaths before, but something about Frank killing Caligula and Apollo killing Commodus seems so... mature I guess is the word, or well for a more mature audience. I can't describe how or why, but it feels more real, more like actual human death

I can't deal with how human Apollo seems in this book gosh I really am sorry I keep bringing this up, but I feel such warmth

the story of how Frank overcame his curse is actual BS and as much as I love Frank, it makes no sense that they spent all that time thinking of ways to keep the wood secure only for this. idk I mean id that were the case wouldn't the curse had vanished when he broke Thanatos free? he was willing to die then just like against Caligula, so why now but not then?

Don reincarnating into a laurel is peak bittersweet feeling and it actually hurt because in a camp where fauns were seen as dumb and useless, he helped Lavinia organize everything and destroy the canon things on the yachts

I'm still not over Jason's death, he really did deserve better. It makes sense, plotwise, because out of all of the huge characters from the past, Jason, Percy and Annabeth's deaths would impact others the harder, and push them to do better. And I understand that you gotta show, not even the main characters survive sometimes. Still, I'm hurt.

Thalia talking to Apollo during the funeral for the fallen campers made me actually weep. I'm not sure if it was because of Jason, or when Thalia talked about how much Artemis loves Apollo, or when Apollo "accepted" halfblood children of Zeus as his family

Also, you know who deserved better? Harpocrates, damn right he deserved better. I nearly cried when I read his death, cause he embraced it like one would an old friend in happiness. He and the Sybil deserved better. Dakota also deserved better

On the other hand, I tried so hard not to laugh at 2 am as I read Tarquin demand answers from a cat? he genuinely thought a cat would tell him where the Sybilline Books where and I couldn't handle that

This book is cruel but in a much more human way? The maiming of the pegasi wings? that's horrifying, but in such a human way, unlike what we've seen in any of the greek/roman gods series, and it's unsettling

Meg is braver than any of the other demigods were at that age (maybe excepting Nico), cause she's not embarking on a quest to retrieve an item or rescue someone or bring back their sister from the dead, she's facing her own abusive father while aiding a somewhat weak mortal in releasing the oracles and gaining godhood back. what's she getting from it all? absolutely nothing, she's gifted some seeds and she hangs out with unicorns more than other people and she's lost everything, but she's willing to lose more to help her friend. she's heroic like no one else is, because she's the first who doesn’t want anything more than being with her friend (Percy wanted whoever was taken back, Annabeth wanted to be able to be more, Nico wanted to bring back Bianca, even Bianca wanted freedom). the only other person who didn't have somewhat selfish (but kot wrong) interests while doing something heroic at a young age has been Hazel. What I mean is I love Meg and everything she does

Thalia being that chill over Jason's death bothers me so much, as if she wasn't the happiest when she found out the brother she lost 14 years ago was alive after all, and she had a part of her family back, and it was ripped from her, and Thalia is just not one to easily forget or move on from things, it's just unrealistic that she would only need a little furious session of throwing things to be okay with Jason's death as if her brother was not just taken from her all over again. it's impulsive Thalia we're talking about, who fought Percy when dealing with Annabeth going missing, it's just not her to be over his death that quickly. Sorry for Rick but I think differently

I also kinda don't like that Tyson went from being freaking General of the Cyclops, to the guy that has the Sybilline prophecies or whatever, it's important and all, but he would have been of great help during the battle and they had him waiting for help in the shrine hill like his potential went down the drain

but a thing I really loved was how different Camp Jupiter seems from Lester eyes compared from Percy's or Hazel's or Frank's perspective, it's hilarious. The other three see this place where everyone is serious and shit but Apollo just sees beyond the seriousness and it's actually refreshing, cause he's the first not to make CHB seem immature in comparison and like I said before I hated that in previous books

also Reyna laughing watered my plants, cured my depression, and made the world okay again, I just love her

all in all, this is my favorite book of ToA so far, and I'm really excited to see what's to come, and how Apollo and Meg will face Nero and Python, but more than anything I'm looking forward to what will happen to Apollo, and whether if given the choice, he'd go back to being a selfish god or remain mortal for a while, with his newfound friends

Also I really miss Annabeth so can I please see Annabeth, I just want to see her cause she won't deal with Apollo's shit and I can't wait to see that, I miss my girl

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wolfwhiteflowers · 4 years

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I found this on twitter and wanted (try) to answer them here instead. :B Great questions! thanks. @LM_Nocass twitter.com/LM_Nocass/ status/1292935841258647553

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𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐥/𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐥/𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐲𝐥 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 (𝐩𝐥𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲); 2:28 PM · Aug 10, 2020 --------------@LM_Nocass

1. Which part of herself does Carol see in Daryl? ||um same brokenness past and seeing that there’s good parts in him. He’s not like Merle and Ed. 2. Which part of himself does Daryl see in Carol? ||They both know what it’s like to be abused and have an understanding. He sees strength in her. /...I think they slowly start to think they’re not alone on feeling like the odd one out or fighting to live before Apoc. They eventually think they’re a lot alike and connected right away. s1-s2. I guess they both started to grow at the same time and look after each other’s back ever since.

3. If there was no za and they met each other, would they be so close? Why? ||Yeah I think so. But not so close or “early” on. Probably lil glimpse of like oh they’re alike and good people. But other things in the way...like Carol or Daryl be stuck in bad situations and die or something. Y’kno Daryl would’ve been like “mini Merle” or like.... dead from stopping a fight or prison. Carol could just be dead or lost herself from being with Ed. ...Unless they got away from their abusers :) I can see there’s a chance of them getting close. *”mini Merle” I think I got this phrase wrong. Mini Merle is Merle’s hand weapon thing. I meant that Daryl would have become more damaged,lost, and be similar to Merle then. ..like a younger Merle.

4. How do you think, Alexandria's ppl ship them or they don’t care? Why? || BTW, I think of what the writers want or had in mind.. Anyway, when Rlchonne happened or Abe and Sasha went canon, it just seems like very neutral whatever way. Well I guess the show isn’t that .. charactery and romantic. -_- Anyway, I think they care and are supportive and of all Team family but mind their business. I think practically everyone knows about Caryl and their close relationship. I guess they’re like in the same boat as us or general fans. We would be happy if they get together but if not then like ....hmm you guys are so together~ Um..I guess people would be going WTF if Caryl grew apart.

5. AU: real life. Which one of them is more attractive to believe in supernatural stuff? Why? || they both seem to be into that. erm I’ll say Daryl.

6. AU: real life. Which one of them is more attractive to send a lot of Red heartFace throwing a kissSmiling face with heart-shaped eyes and etc? Why? || Carol is more open to display of affection. But Daryl got his heart on his sleeves. He’s straightforward tells/show you how he feels and means it.

13. What would do today's Carol if she met someone like Ed? ||Probably she be able to stand up to him when he starts to be controlling and she speak out and say it’s not right. Idk..maybe them talking it out will make Ed change himself if he wants to. And she walks away from him early on. 14. If today's Carol met past Carol, what would she say to her? ||You’re stronger than you think you are. You are enough. These hard times made her wiser in Apoc./life. She’s always a mother..when they’re gone, they’re still with her. 15. If today's Daryl met past Daryl, what would he say to him? ||This doesn’t always have to be this way/Merle-life. You’re not alone. Good people will stick with you. Trust them. Your goodness matters. You don’t need to depend on Merle. If Merle wouldn’t change now then he won’t later on. Idk... Daryl is so loyal and to his brother. So it’s just he gotta let Merle/his past go. 16. Why does Daryl prefer the crossbow, not a bow? ||I guess that’s what hunters like to use most often. Idk. 17. AU: real life. Which one of them is most likely to surfing in the Internet for hours? Why? ||Carol because she mentioned internet in s4. lol Okay um yeah Carol I guess. I think she likes to research on things. Daryl is more outdoorsy kind of person. 18. AU: real life. Which one of them will have a private acc on social medias and who won’t care? ||I think both would be private...or heck Daryl not private but barely any content. lol Just hunting, nature stuff and games.

19. AU: real life. Which one of them will send memes? ||Carol because she like goofy or sassy jokes.

20. AU: real life. What profession is suitable for Carol? Why? ||hmm housewife, teacher, nurse, or something to look after the community.. She likes to cook but Idk if she likes to do it often. Some job to care about the people and place.

21. AU: real life. What profession is suitable for Daryl? Why? ||A hunter, mechanic, or construction worker. Something like hands-on job.

22. Which of them has a black sense of humor? ||I think Carol have a dark/black sense of humor. Daryl is ..more less humor-y. more sarcastic. idk what im saying.

23. Had Daryl ever thought about having children? If he did, he would prefer boy or daughter? ||I think he never really thought of it till he’s away from Merle/past life. But Idk I think he doesn’t really think on it. He just wants to protect all kids. He’s Uncle Daryl. I don’t think he has a preference.

24. Is Daryl asexual or demisexual? Or other? Why? ||Read ? #10. I say so far it seems like he’s demisexual from what Kang said and from what people/fandom been always questioning him from the show and from that 6 years in woods plot. (Also the show isn’t that showy on romance and relationships so I didn’t think they would bother to address his romance/sexuality but they did so ok.) I guess I always think of him as demisexual...or someone who would be friends to lovers kind of person. He’s the closest with Carol so..slowburn to canon, yeah? /// This makes me think of Carol’s relationships and how she is fine having sex anytime ..no emotions involved way...She doesn’t really have or know a good emotional canon relationship except almost with Zeke, I guess. 25. Carol’s fav movie genre(s)? ||Romcoms <3

26. Daryl’s fav movie genre(s)? ||action / horror :O 27. When the show ends, what kind of ending do you want for them? ||I want good writing and that flows right. Caryl be Caryl. I guess them riding off to the sunset to New Mexico. Or..looking after team family in ASZ or TF working together to find/help Rick and living their best lives in a community. A happy ending pls. 28. Which one of them is good at math? ||hmm Carol. Daryl would be good at reading..science.

29. If there was Caryl movie, what song(s) would you add to it? || hmm a song to add, I would pick ..”You and Me” by Pink I think. Or, “X and Y” by Coldplay. Or, “Cosmic Love” by Florence Machine. 30. Did Daryl help you? ||I really appreciate the writers and the acting did with Daryl and Carol. They’re really unique, interesting and relatable characters. Daryl helped me to keep being myself and do what’s right even when you feel odd ball out. Idk I also like that we see characters like Daryl and Carol what we stereotypical think they may be like in s1 but then we see they’re relatable and we can be more open minded to other people. I liked that we see him getting a chance to grow and see how loyal he is. 31. Did Carol help you? ||Yeah. I really like how she’s like I guess most people in s1, quiet, timid, not quite fit into the Apoc. world, but learns to trust herself, get braver and open up. She’s like so strong and brave now but it’s not surprising to see that in a way because we see her character development and I like how writers and acting, made it so relatable and realistic to me. We all can be like Carol. //I think she’s a great character to watch for mothers who lost kids or was a abused wife/person. Same with Daryl as a abused child/brother in that Merle’s lifestyle.

32. What did Caryl give you? Hope? Strength? ||I really like what became Caryl in the show for years. They became one of my fave ships. They’re unique and I love that we see their strong bond and connection. They’re soulmatey and angsty. Idk I feel like they gave hope that there are people that will get you and have your back. And strength, they grown so much and made me think about myself to keep facing my fears and be in a healthy relationship. 33. Carol’s fav music genre(s)? ||Country pop. Idk.. I think McReedus are into Rock music so. 34. Daryl’s fav music genre(s)? ||Country rock. ...Idk Metal music.

35. Describe Carol in one word. ||Brave

36. Describe Daryl in one word. ||Loyal or uh a word that means does what he think is the right thing to do...and caring. Uncle.

37. What do you expect from them in season 11? ||Idk I’m really clueless. TWD right now is really not by the comics anymore and it’s hard to speculate now. I’m kinda hoping they have something a plot that relates to taking care of the Grimes kids and a plot/s that relates to Rick’s journey/TWD show. Idk well I guess they be figuring it out what to do with Maggie and politics with the ..spoiler- new communities.

I hope for good writing and if they go canon, I hope they write good relationship/romance writing. As in they don’t separate them and break up a bunch of times or be boring. eek. I hope it’s like they still be like the subtle canon ship..like RIchonne as there is something else they have to do together. Like they be canon but they talk about the new plots/problems/family in s11 and their relationship grows.

38. Your favorite Caryl season(s)? Why? ||It’s season 2 or s10. I feel it’s the most Caryl interaction and them deepening their relationship. 39. When do you think Daryl was ready to start a relationship? Or do you still think he isn't ready? Or he is ready rn? ||Whenever the writers are ready. :\ I think as a character he’s ready...yeah especially s10. He’s not hiding and being emo in the woods in s9. He’s not the (Rick’s)sidekick character anymore. He’s I think grown a lot by being with people and opening up being a leader-like now, domestic?,leading character, and I think he’s now more ready to have romantic relationship if he wants to. And for Carol ..rn is like does she feel worthy or ok to have love again. ooh angst. 40. Which of them is owl, and which of them is lark? Why? || I think Daryl is a lark/early bird because he likes the quietness and time to hunt, and Carol is a night owl because she likes to know what else is going on when it’s the dark.

#caryl #caryl positivity #*twd #2nd time posting this but no link added..

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wormtales · 4 years

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cis male / he/him. ┊ if you’re looking for PETER PETTIGREW, you’ll probably find HIM in the GRYFFINDOR dorm with the rest of the SEVENTH years. they’re the TWENTY year old HALFBLOOD who looks kind of like ROBIN MIGNÉ. they seem FACETIOUS, INTUITIVE, CARING to me, but apparently they’re also FOOLHARDY, SELF-DOUBTING, COVETOUS. maybe that’s why they remind me of laughter breaking the stillness of a suburban summer night, coughing on whiskey and cigarettes, running a restless hand through messy blond hair, the soft ticking of a grandfather clock, bruised knuckles stuffed in the pockets of scuffed jeans. the golden rays of the late afternoon sun. the scent of mothballs, the slightly metallic taste of tap water. quick glances seeking approval, a cheeky grin once it’s been earned. dog eared comic books in a cardboard box under your bed, feet dangling over the edge of the roof, staring down the stars, wanting to be a hero but not quite knowing how.

peter pettigrew. born in sheffield, england to a muggle father and a magical mother. he lived in a small brick house with old fashioned furniture. his family has always been catholic, and so every sunday, he dressed up in his nicest hand-me-downs and went to church with his parents and younger sister.

the pettigrews are what you’d call a working-class family. money has always been tight with them. it wasn’t uncommon for his father to be working holidays, or to overhear a whispered conversation between his parents using words like mortgage and foreclosure. their clothes were always just on the edge of shabby no matter how often his mother darned and ironed them.

perhaps because of this, or perhaps because he was a wizard, he didn’t really click with the muggle kids in his neighbourhood. he was more a mama’s boy, helping his mother dust and vacuum and fold the laundry and set the table for supper every day. his parents were worried that he wasn’t a very social child, and that he wouldn’t make many friends at hogwarts. they even considered holding him back a year, but ultimately decided against it.

but lo and behold, when he went to hogwarts he made friends! remus, sirius and james to be specific. and it was gr8 and they brought out this whole other side of him that he’d never shown before

this mischievous, snarky boy who’ll yes ma’am and no ma’am your mum to her face but just as soon make a your mom joke when she’s out of earshot. his smile is either shy and endearing or the cheekiest lil shit-eating grin you’ve ever seen. he’ll laugh at the worst of jokes. fluent in sarcasm. he’s great at seeming more innocent than he is ( a power that is used and abused during prank-pulling ). and yeah, he’s an enabler – his friends do stupid stuff and he doesn’t stop them. but so what ? he’s a twenty year old boy.

his room is surprisingly neat. would never admit it but he kind of likes cheesy cliches ( he’s watched gone with the wind with his mum enough times he can quote it off by heart ). he wants to be a dashing hero like in the dog eared comic books he still has in a box under his bed. wants to sweep a girl off her feet. wants to be something more than the sidekick, at least once.

peter loves the 1977 star wars movie and is very excited for the sequel coming out later this year ! he’s rooting for luke and leia (((: sure hope nothing in the future movies will ruin that ship ! ( yes, this is his villain origin story )

sometimes he’s trying just a bit too hard to impress other people because he cares a lot more about what other people think of him than he likes to let on. slightly self conscious because he had a growth spurt over the summer – he used to be really short but now he’s all long limbs and stupid grins and dimples and tousled blond hair and he’s grown quite attractive but doesn’t realize it, thank god. and hey – that’s just part of his charm. because he is charming. he just doesn’t realise it, compared to james and sirius.

he compares himself to james and sirius a lot. peter has always been prone to insecure thoughts and nervous tics – during exam season his nails are always bitten down to stubs and his skin breaks out. and in the times he’s feeling particularly unhappy with himself he looks to his friends. and this can go either one of two ways – either they make him better and build him up ( and really he should be able to do that himself but he’s always been dependent on other people. always. first his parents, then the marauders. ) or he’s feeling insecure and he looks to his friends and sees how much better they are than him. how unattainable their status is. and he feels like a useless burden, dragging them down. those are his bad days. but they’re relatively infrequent – at least for now.

he has ways to dispel these thoughts. for one, he drinks. not the best coping mechanism, granted, but whiskey burns his throat and the inside of his chest like the fire he always wished he had burning inside of him, and it makes him feel stronger and it makes him feel braver and his friends are drinking with him and soon they’re all laughing and doing stupid shit together and then the alcohol washes away any doubts peter has. and it’s good.

and sometimes he gets into fist fights. he’s gotten better at it over the years, ever since sirius taught him that your thumb isn’t supposed to go inside your fist. he feels strong when he fights; he feels a reckless sort of freedom that’s as close to confidence as he’ll ever get. and sometimes he picks fights he knows he can’t win, but hey, that’s part of the thrill, right ? because he also knows that his friends can bail him out, and he also knows that the black eye he’s going to have in the morning will make him look tougher, and people will fuss over him and ask questions. and it’s good.

if you asked peter what the most important thing in the world is to him, he would say his friends. and he would say his family. not once would it ever occur to him to say himself, or his own health or happiness.

he puts a lot of value on interpersonal relationships. and sometimes, that’s a good thing because he values those relationships and cherishes them, and he’s a wonderful friend and very intuitive. he can always tell if someone’s upset, and he’s a great listener. but also sometimes it’s a bad thing how much value he puts on those relationships. because he builds his own personal value off of them, and off how much people like him and support him. like i said – he’s always been dependent. he doesn’t know any way else to be.

and deep down, peter is an optimist. it’s his fatal flaw. how ? because no matter how badly things are going, he thinks to himself that it’ll all turn out fine, in the end. something will happen, in the end. someone will save him, in the end. for instance – he has no idea what he wants to do after hogwarts. and sometimes that worries him, but most of the time he pushes it to the back of his mind. he can think about that later. because in the end, it’ll turn out fine. because it always does for the good guys. right ?

idk what else to say man … i love peter but sometimes he makes me sad. this quote from buffy always reminds me of him

he’s just a DORK ok..........

#fallacyintro

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softsquishymedusa · 4 years

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late night thoughts

Warning: really long, emotional rant. Need to go to bed...don’t worry though. there is way more of this.

I’ve been going through a lot of posts that break me and heal me all at the same time. I wish I was braver...stronger. It hurts so much that sometimes the loneliness and depression choke me. And just when I think I have no more tears left, more fall.

I bury so much of what I’m feeling just for the chance to keep having him in my life, even in the minuscule way of a handful of scattered texts and phone calls. I’m pathetic, I know. I don’t deserve to ever be in a relationship after this. I know deep in my heart that this will end soon. I just need to find the strength to do it.

Not deserving a loving, healthy relationship after this is as easy as knowing the sky is blue. It is cemented in my psyche now, how can I trust a man after seeing how easy it is for him to lie to her. How easily he must lie to me, because how can he not be? He insists he’s leaving her. He just wants to ‘do it the right way.’ which translates into he wants to be sure he gets custody, but until then, he has to ‘play nice’. As if I’m too stupid to not know what that means. Knowing that there is a good chance he’s lying, I tell him that it’s against my better judgement, but I will have faith in him. Faith is the belief in the unknown, after all.

God...I am too stupid...

I wasn’t very trusting in previous relationships, but with him, I went all in. I guess it was because I had played it safe before and all it got me was settling for someone that made me feel like a mother. He will be a boy even when he’s eighty. With him, however, I took the plunge and opened so much up to him, and felt so much it scared me.

Then I found out the truth. I’m still devastated. Because of our secrets, I don’t think I will ever meet his girls that I’ve fallen in love with just as easy as I have him.

They are not mine. They never will be. I don’t understand how I have slipped into this role of a villain; coveting another woman’s family. I never in a million years thought that this would be my first big sin that weighs my soul with guilt on a daily basis for the past two years.

But the worst part? The thing that drives this burning car off the bridge?

It’s that as soon as he calls. As soon as he texts, I forget the guilt. It’s like I’m a completely different person. Don’t even get me started on we we physically get to see each other...it’s like we are the only two people in the world. I can think of maybe one time that he got truly angry with me and almost started an argument. just one time. One little blip in two years vs. being gas lighted to the point I would snap and become emotionally abusive myself.

You know the old saying “to good to be true”, well this is it.

But I’m like an addict. It terrifies me of losing him, even though I know that’s what I need to do. The angel and the devil that sit on my shoulders have been going at it round after round, and I’m just not strong enough to say goodbye.

I want to be. God, how I want to be.

It will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The thought of it seizes my throat and I can’t stop crying. the angel tells me all the obvious things to convince me that it’s the right thing to do, and the right thing is not always the easiest. The devil is insisting that he does love me as much as I love him, and that it’s just a delicate matter. More than that, I can see that he’s trying. Everyday, he works his ass off, and I can’t help be proud of him and his work ethic. (even though he is not mine to be proud of). He does so much.

But the angel has valid points as well (obviously). He could very well be just exaggerating how much he does and how little she doesn’t do. IDK, He’s 400 miles away right now, and I certainly can’t her. He says he’s tired daily which, with his job, is understandable. She doesn’t work, but still doesn’t do much to support the family in home care. (I believe that if there is one partner in a marriage not working, male or female, they take the brunt of the housework. If both partners work, they both split the housework evenly. Yes, I know it’s not a perfect system, but it’s the one that makes the most sense to me since housekeeping and childcare are just as intensive as the workforce; not to mention without pay.) He’ll work 16 or so hours, come home to find the house wrecked (as in, the dog would have an accident midday and she would just leave it for him to clean up when he got home in the late evening, or the dirty dishes still in the sink from the night before but more added to the pile/just the whole place just wrecked), she’d expect him to clean and then cook, & put the girls to bed.

I believed he shared custody with her for so long because he would tell me about his day (editing her out of course), and it was the schedule of a single parent.

But all of this can clearly be a lie. How am I to know any different? Simple short answer? I can’t.

These thoughts and more flood my head, but writing this almost feels like I’ve lanced an abscess; there is a partial yet instant relief.

I should take Sorra, Spartacus’s wife’s word to heart on this one,

“Tend to the wound.”

#other woman #guilt #heartbreak #weakness #trust #devil on my shoulder #indision #hopelessness #sinner #i am the problem #selfaware #fallen

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let-me-make-you-proud · 6 years

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Tangled: The series Q&A with Chris and Ricky.

This is a recapitulation from today’s (July 1st, 2018) Questions and Answers sessions with Chris and Ricky on the Tangled Discord Server.

They did their Q&A sessions separately, so the first part of this post are from Chris session, while the second part is from Ricky’s session.

Chris’ session.

Q: Was any form of martial arts used as reference to Adira’s fighting style? A: Tt’s tough to keep her style consistent because our board teams rotate and so do the animators... you’ll see the style change a bit.

Q: I noticed that Rapunzel's new outfit is really reminiscent of Belle's blue-white dress in Beauty and the Beast, only more geared for the wear and tears of adventure and long distance traveling. Was that an intentional nod by any chance? A: Not intentional. We just wanted her to be a little more... flexible. Adventurous. We worked very hard on it.

Q: Where did the inspiration come from for Adira's outfit? A: Adria’s was very much Ben’s creation. I believe it’s very influenced by Korean costumes.

Q: How did you design her personality? A: Well, we wanted her to be intimidating, yet funny and quirky. We all have friends like that! She needed to have this feeling that.... You don’t know whether to trust her or not!!!

Q: Does the caravan have an actual name? A: Ya know? It doesn’t! We just called it the caravan!

Q: How do you decide on the perfect names for the characters you introduce? A: I tend to spend a lot of time on names. They mean a lot to me. I pick some and the writers pick some. I can’t really discuss how we come up with them.

Q: Is it confirmed that Cassandra is 23 years old? A: No age’s are confirmed. Only Rapunzel.

Q: Who is one of your favorite characters to work on? A: Well, everyone knows I love Cass. She has my heart!!! Isn’t she just the coolest? I’d want her as a best friend!!

Ricky

Q: Who is Ricky? A: I am a writer on the show so I help come up with what happens in each episode/the overall series and write the scripts...so essentially what the characters say, do, etc.

Q: Is there a particular episode that's already aired that stands out as a favorite of yours? A: Fav episodes of mine are: Pascal's Story, Quest for Varian (I wrote those so I'm partial) and I have a lot of love for Return of Strongbow, Rapunzel's Enemy and In Like Flynn.

Q: My friend was wondering how to write for animation, it's one of the forms they can't wrap their mind around. Like how to go about it and little tips to remember. A: For one, writing for animation isn't all that different than writing for live action. We format our scripts in the same fashion (well, tangled scripts have their own style, but overall it's the same). There is a particular focus, at least for me, on writing visually compelling action lines/descriptions so that my work and intention is clear for the story artists. Live action may have a little less emphasis there. But overall it's the same concept.

Q: Are there any particular shows you cite as influence when writing for Tangled? A: Ummm... different things influence the different writers/Chris/Ben, etc. I am sure that many of the visual artists/designers/board artists are influenced by different shows like that.

Q: I remembering reading something that said that the story for Tangled The Series was all figured out, that even before the show started airing the idea for the ending was already figured out. A: Well... It is and it isn't. Meaning, there is are... We'll call them "goal posts" along the way that were established very early on and the challenge of the show is building stories in between that build to those and do those moments justice. It kind of goes like this: Touchstones/key moments of the series are established, then we map out each season with those in mind (think of it like you have pillars and then the season arc is the roof held up by those pillars).

Q: How do you go about writing female characters or do you simply just portray them as a character first without special attention to gender? A: We just do our best to get inside each character's head... Be they female or male or horse or chameleon... and then write their character as true to who they are as we possibly can. There is a lot of discussion in the room when breaking story about "would Rapunzel do X or Y" and after a while, the characters become second nature to us. I have spent as much time with Rapunzel as I did in high school....so you really get to know them.

Q: So you have a rough outline for the series and as you go you flesh out ideas? A: Yes. There are certain things that we've always known would happen. Like, with Varian, we mapped out which episodes in Season one he would appear in and how his character would progress (so, ep 3, 9, 13/14, 20-end). The specific "how" wasn't always there. That becomes part of the story. How do we get Varian from A to B in each episode so by the end he is no longer a cinammon roll.

Q: Which character do you personally enjoy writing for the most? A: My favorite is King Trevor. As far as the mains, I mean, IDK it depends on the episode. I love writing Rapunzel when she loses her cool a little bit. I love writing Eugene quips, I love writing Cass snark.... it depends on what they're doing.

Q: I do like how it seems even what can be considered filler episodes progress the story and characters in some way. A: Yeah, filler episodes.... yeesh not a term we like haha. The thing about a series is that we are always building character or establishing something. So yes there are eps that don't talk about the rocks or feature the main villain, but they show where the characters are in their particular place and time. Also, if you look at the season as a whole, you'll see that it mirrors the movie in some ways. There are moments in the movie that are straight up silly and fun and then there are scenes that are all badass action and then there are sad, dark moments and our episodes are like that. Some are Rapunzel's enemy and they are silly and fun and some are Quest where they are super dark

Q: Who is your least favorite character to write for? A: Hopefully this isn't a cop out, but I don't really have one. Like, I might say King Frederic in the first half of season 1, but then In Like Flynn comes around and it's so fun to lean into how much of a square he can be.

Q: How excited were you to finally introduce fans to the mysterious Baron? A: We were super psyched to finally get to use the Baron.

Q: Speaking of the darker parts of the show, are there any surprising limitations in place at Disney as to how dark you can go? Some, I'd imagine are obvious (no swearing, explicit content)- but are there any that'd surprise people? A: There are things that Disney doesn't let us do, but usually they aren't with "dark" things. THey're usually with some phrase they don't like or something. Like I wrote a line in Quest for Varian where Eugene calls Owl a "cold blooded bird of prey" and even though he was actually joking about Cassandra, we got a note that they didn't want to deceive children into thinking that owls are cold blooded when they are in fact warm blooded. Stuff like that is surprising.

Q: What there ever a character or an idea that you liked but had to be changed or removed (At least in season 1)? A: Definitely. I am the worst in the room because I get super attached to a lot of ideas and stories and characters and when they don't happen I get feisty. One I will reveal/can talk about was in Pascal's story. There was more of Pascal's journey to the tower in there and I had a scene of Pascal seeing a long blonde braid and getting happy, thinking it was Rapunzel. But then it turns out to be this dandy/crappy minstrel whose story kind of mirrored what Pascal was going through and he sang about how his girlfriend left him and at first Pascal thought he found a buddy, but he quickly got super annoying so Pascal bailed. I really liked the minstrel. I was sad he didn't make it in. He was so silly.

Q: In Quest for Varian the line "We're gonna get squished!" was that a Disneyfied line or was Varian just being a dork? A: Ummm...the squished line I can't remember honestly. We wrote that episode 2 years ago so sometimes it's hard to remember where they all came from.

Q: In the movie Raps hides behind Eugene a lot, and now in the show I've been noticing recently it's Eugene who's hiding behind Rapunzel, and that kinda body language totally sticks out towards their development because it shows how much braver and stronger Raps has become and also how Eugene trusts Raps, isn't as totally hung up on his ego, and also knows there's someone who can and wants to protect him, so my question is, are moves like these written into the script or are they mostly storyboard choices? A: I would say that much of the credit for the staging of the shots goes to our awesome storyboard artists. Certainly, there are times where we might write something like "Rapunzel steps forward and draws her frying pan" but other times, it might not be so specific and just as we pay a lot of attention to how Raps would act, they do as well and they work so hard to bring that out.

Q: What did you think of him (Varian) when he was first thought out and how his story progressed? A: Well, when I first got there he was just a name on an index card. And his trajectory was roughly laid out in that he would start out a friend but end up a foe. I didn't think of him as a kid initially, that came from someone else (either Chris or Shane) and I remember being worried about making such a young kid a villain because...and this is going to sound weird, but I was like "Can we punch a 14 year old in the face? Because if he's a villain we might have to do that." So I was skeptical at first, honestly. But the more we got into how he behaved and how quirky he was he just became super fun and sweet and then he fit naturally into the world.

Q: Is there a certain line that stands out as a personal favorite for you that you've written for the show? A: There are certain lines. One of them is when Rapunzel blows up the tower and they ask her what she's doing and she says "Letting down my hair" because it was fun making that famous line into a badass line. And everything Eugene says when he gives Max the tour of the tower. And when Eugene is confused about Chutney I laugh because that is based on a guy that I saw in Target trying to explain chutney to one of the workers who didn't know what it was.

Q: If you could do a crossover with another Disney Show/Movie which one would you want to do? A: Hmmmm... I think Enchanted. Would be cool to see Rapunzel and Eugene get thrown into New York with a slightly more street-smart Giselle.Or to see them go to Andalasia .

Q: Why is it Eugene hasn't had issues with his near death death? A: Well, he has mentioned his near death. He brings it up in Pascal's story and then in quest he talks about it. I think Eugene isn't the kind of guy that holds onto things like that. Like he might hold on to emotional hurt, but I think he looks at that as one of many close calls (okay, probably the closest call) he's had throughout his life and now that it's behind him, he faces it with humor.

Q: If you could turn another Disney movie into a series which one would it be? A: If I could turn any Disney movie into a series it would be Incredibles.

Q: Is there any music genre that fans might be surprised to find Rapunzel liking if she were to hear it? A: Hmmm... I think Rapunzel is the kind of person that would be open to anything. It's hard to imagine her hearing something and NOT liking it or at least giving it a chance.

BONUS WITH RICKY

Comment: Dude, Eugene's tour to Max through the tower was so funny, hahaha. Ricky: They cut a line out of the tour, which I was sad about. It was something like "See this stain on the floor? That's my blood. Seriously look at all that blood! Oh, boy, I am a bleeder." Comment: I loved Eugene's comment about Max climbing Rapunzel's hair when they were escaping the tower. Ricky: Hahaha yeah sometimes Eugene has to call out the strangeness haha. All of that is kind of paying homage to the movie. Like when he says "YOu should know this is the strangest thing I've ever done!"

Comment: I know it won't happen in the show, but it's stuff like that that makes me wish we'd be able to see Sora from Kingdom Hearts appear in the show. Eugene would be a goldmine of meta commentary on all the bizarre shenanigans that come with everything pertaining to Kingdom Hearts. Ricky: And to the Kingdom Hearts mention, it would be fun to do a crossover like that, but we can't really do crossovers like that. Every now and then I try to throw in an obscure Disney name or reference and it always gets caught (sulks).

Comment: I loved Lance's line in today's episode about the bee pheromones being on the table in a drinking cup. Ricky: LOL yeah. That was Jeremy's line. Tonight was his first episode (he started in Season 2 so he's a "new" writer this season). Comment: When you say Jeremy do you mean Jeremy Jordan? Ricky: No I'm talking about Jeremy Shipp. Jeremy Jordan doesn't write, he just sings like a god damn angel.

Ricky: Fun facts about tonight's episode: the lady that called Raps a "Clod" was voiced by Eden Espinosa. Also the first version of the story had Quaid as an old, out of work actor that the gang dresses up as a Sheriff. And then of course, the story evolved from there and stuff.

Comment: About Eugene dying, I would think the reason that's not mentioned much it's because Eugene simply isn't the kind of person that would hold to that stuff (Since we already know the show doesn't shy away from those kind of topics, for example, the King still dealing with Rapunzel's kidnapping even though she's been home for months now, and Rapunzel still dealing with her first 18 years with Gothel). Like, the characters don't get magically better, they keep dealing with stuff even after everything is done, and I think that's really cool. Ricky: Yeah. We show that Rapunzel still holds on to stuff. And Eugene does too (you see in the movie he has some issues and changes his name as a result), but Eugene covers a lot of that stuff with humor and sarcasm.

#Tangled #Tangled the series #Rapunzel's Tangled adventure #Q&A #Tangled crew #Question & Answers #chris sonnenburg #ricky roxburgh #Rapunzel #Cassandra #Eugene #Varian #Adira #TTS #RTA #BTCW

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shes-so-rad · 4 years

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**I typed this earlier in the afternoon, I just feel like a lot of us are always so silent during the most painful times as a military spouse and I wanted to try to use my little, shakey, unimportant voice lolol**

“You knew what you were getting yourself into”

“You knew this would happen”

“At least the money will be good”

“He’s fine”

“At least...”

Oh man. Let’s get into it.

We all choose certain avenues of our lives. We know what a lot of the outcomes will be. But we still have a right to feel them.

So why do military spouses and families have to be silent? And I’m not talking for security reasons.

You applied to your job, did a whole interview, accepted the job, and still show up everyday knowing what will happen. Yet you still complain every single day..right?

Knowing an event and living through one is a different world.

I’m not sitting here asking for people to pity me. This is my life. This is OUR life.

The sacrifices military members make and their families is something most people will never understand.

As much as I envy that, I also wouldn’t EVER change the way things are. Ever.

Getting married at 21 showed me who’s truly happy for me when I’m truly happy.

Moving to another country showed me everyone’s true colors and how much or little I really meant to some.

Trying to adjust overseas while my husband is constantly working or sleeping showed me a lot about myself and put my strength to the test.

I have learned. Grown. Matured. And changed. But in every way that I am proud of. I wish I was this woman a long time ago.

A woman who protects her peace. A woman who is learning to say no. A woman who loves and is still there for people but establishes boundaries. A woman who is kind but doesn’t take shit anymore and won’t always tell you what you want to hear. A woman who doesn’t always rely on others because being married in the military means being on your own, a lot.

Military life changed me. It changed my husband. ALL for the better.

It’s a tough life. It’s a lonely life. It’s a strong unit.

At any moment your life can be picked up and thrown upside down. No warning, no mercy.

Every holiday, every birthday, anniversary, all missed because last minute your loved one had to go and you never have a real date on when they’ll be back.

“How do you not know??” “That doesn’t even make sense!” “That’s so last minute wtf” “Wow you cancelled again, you’re so flakey!”

Yup. It doesn’t make any sense. But that’s how it goes.

LOVE the people around you. Don’t just share nice things on the internet. Get off your ass and be there for others (whenever you’re able to, of course we can’t always be there!) . Reach out, TELL the people you love that you love them. And SHOW it. I’m FAR from perfect but I try my best to be there and reach out to others the best I’m capable of while also taking care of my own needs and life.

If you are able to be with your loved ones throughout the holidays or everyday in general, without worry. PLEASE don’t take that for granted.

I’m not asking anyone to care, feel bad for us, or to even like the military. But respect is welcomed. Support is welcomed. And shutting the fuck up instead of trying to belittle the situation or compare is also, very much, welcomed.

So. Military spouses are not weak, dependent, or whiny.

We are badass, entrepreneurs, strong, thoughtful, “I’ll do it myself”, suffer in silence, good secret keepers, and we may not be able to always physically be there because of moving and everything else with our crazy life’s, BUT we are THE realest ride or die friends you’ll ever have, anywhere, anytime.

This next chapter in my husband and I’s lives is going to be extremely painful individually. But as a couple this will only make us closer and stronger. I wouldn’t live this crazy life with anyone else but him because I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. So kind, thoughtful, strong, a great friend to others, hard worker, and braver than anyone I know. So please, be nice to people because you have no clue what their life is and what they’re going through. And please, keep him in your thoughts.

Idk if anyone will even care for this post, idk the purpose besides speaking up and giving a different perspective.. ✌🏼 #DeploymentSucks #JustBeKind PHOTOGRAPHER: Annarose Photography

#military #delployment #militarylife #militarywife #militarywives #lifestyle #persepctive #airforce #love #faith

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dorianpavus · 7 years

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boy........... therapy rehash / emotional mess beneath the cut

so before i go to therapy i usually take 10 minutes to just like.... introspect, think about my week, think about the themes, think about what i need to talk about, that sort of stuff

and today i was like, ok there’s a couple things i’d like to mention, but it’s been a pretty ok week and i’m not sure what we’re gonna end up talking about. and then i realized that yesterday (when i had worked/run errands/gone to get dinner + drinks with a friend/played ffxiv with my 2 brothers) felt like...... the first Full day i’d had in a long, long, long time.

and that made me start crying in the car while i was driving there, but i wiped away my tears and didn’t get the chance to think much more on it.

and then........ boy.... just. i’m just like. still emotionally reeling.

so at therapy i talked about work for a while, and my shoulder, and then i started talking about this past week in general, and how i’ve been really proud of myself. i Big Girl Cleaned my room, and it feels breatheable now. i’ve hung out with friends twice in 7 days!!! i stopped drinking soda except when i’m out 2 eat, and i’ve cut back on espresso, and i started drinking a lot more water and forcing myself to prioritize myself and prioritize SLEEP (even when i don’t want to) and ....

i’ve been starting to feel like i have a lot more energy, and that’s making my mood increase dramatically. and all those are things i was aware of and they’ve been really encouraging for me.

but then i started talking about my day yesterday. and when i went to tell her that it felt like a full day, i just started crying. and i had no idea why. and i was like “ahh i’m sorry i have no idea why i’m doing this!!!”

and she was like, no, this is good. whenever clients of mine start crying when they don’t expect to, when they’re talking about something that seems innocuous, i like to sit in that moment, feel it, and think about why that’s coming up.

so we did, and.......... boy. just. what a session lol

i said how good it felt to spend time with my friends and brothers. but not just that, but that... i’ve felt like i’ve been stronger the past two weeks than i have been all year. (oh my god i’m ltierally crying again wt f god)

and that it felt like... i had been offered choices. and i kept getting scared, or tired, and choosing the easy choice. do i want to drive and go hang out with my friends or stay in? do i want to go for a walk or stay in? do i want to do literally anything or continue to do nothing at all?

and i kept not having the energy or strength to make other choices. but the past few weeks, i feel like i have. i feel like, not that it’s been “easy” to make myself do everything, but i’ve done it. and they’ve felt like choices, and i’ve made the right ones finally. and i said, “i feel like i’ve been braver.”

and she looked at me and was like, you know what? i feel like you have too. and she listed a bunch of stories that i’d told her the past few weeks, and brought up so many instances of my being brave and standing up for myself or others and having hard conversations with my parents and my boss and like... it really sunk in, and i felt brave

and i told her that... well. soooooo i haven’t even talked about it on here (which is funny cause that one ask meme thing was like “tell us a secret” and i didn’t even think to say this, because i have mentioned it before but that was a loooooooong time ago and most ppl i think figured it was uh... resolved....)

but i didn’t technically graduate. well, not technically. i didn’t graduate. i walked in the ceremony, but i had an incomplete from one of my classes, because i couldn’t write my final paper. every time i tried to, i panicked and i felt like dying, and that scared me so i stopped thinking about it. and time passed. and more time passed. and now it’s been a year.

and it’s a secret that’s been weighing so heavily on me it’s felt like it’s suffocating me. if my parents found out i think they’d kick me out. just thinking about the paper makes my brain go, “uh better kys cause that’s Too Much.” and i hate feeling like that. but i hate that i haven’t graduated too, because it means i can’t apply for jobs because i don’t have a fucking degree!!!!! which is why i’m stuck at home, which only makes me worse!!!! for ONE FUCKING TERM PAPER!!!!

and i kept making progress, like i went from avoiding thinking about it completely since i was a fucking mess to starting to think about it more (which caused my anxiety to skyrocket but was an important step in Dealing With Shit), and every time i thought i was gonna get close to doing something about it (emailing my professor to see if he’ll still accept it, for one) i would get scared. it was like one step forward, two steps back.

like i’d come so close to emailing my professor a few weeks ago... only i didn’t. and my therapist was like, ok, i want you to take time and really think about what it is that you’re so afraid of. what stopped you from emailing him?

and it used to be that the physical act of writing the paper was what scared me. like words wouldn’t come to me. like i was afraid of letting him down/the paper not being good enough/etc. but with time it’s morphed into.... something else, i realized. and it occurred to me that i’m partially afraid of emailing him not only because i’m afraid to write the paper, but more so because i’m terrified of what comes next.

if i graduate.... i’ll have to look for a Serious Job. and maybe i’ll have to move. and maybe it will be horrible. and the whole idea of moving forward into some new vast stage of unknown in my life terrifies me. because what i want to do, what i’ve always wanted to do, was go au pair in france and then teach english there, if i could. that was the Dream Job, and it had been attainable until i had way more student loans than i’d expected and i couldn’t afford it. so now i need to find a decent paying job for a year or two so i can save up and hopefully do what i want.

and it’s that “decent paying job” that scares me. instead of thinking i’m not good enough for my professor now, it feels like i’m not good enough for a Real Job. i have no idea what to expect, i don’t think i’m qualified for literally anything, i just... i feel.......... worthless. and un-hireable. and like whatever path i choose to go down, i’ll be terrible at what i do and... what if it makes me miserable??? (that, as my therapist would say, is Catastrophizing i know i know but it’s something i worry about).

but that felt like a breakthrough. i hadn’t realized i was so afraid of it. i hadn’t realized that what i want more than anything is to be independent and move out and get a better job, but i’m so fucking TERRIFIED of getting a new job. one where i maybe won’t be the smartest kid in the room. one where my bosses don’t sing my praises all day long. that’s so stupid, so stupid, but i’m really scared of it. i feel like i’m inevitably gonna fail because it feels like everyone thinks i’m smarter or more talented than i actually am. i don’t know anything about anything like!!!!!

anyway, that was a big deal. but also..... i feel like... stronger, now. and braver than i’ve been in a really long time. some of my friends knew last year that i’d had an incomplete, but they all thought i had “resolved” that issue. but i told two of them this week that i still hadn’t graduated, and that was humiliating but.... good. and i didn’t think too much of it until my therapist was like “omg!!!!! katie!!!!!! that’s huge!!!!! you’ve been carrying around this secret so heavily i’m so proud of you!!!” and that just made me realize how right she was and i just cried harder. i had been carrying it, and it is a big deal.

and i think i’m going to email my professor tomorrow. not tonight. i’m giving myself tonight to be scared, but i’m setting a time tomorrow to send that email. and take that step forward. and that’s a even bigger deal for me. like, earth-shattering changes-everything kind of big deal.

(i’m like full sobbing now lol)

anyway i was like crying nonstop in therapy today as we talked about things. and how proud she was of me for being so brave, and how happy i was with myself, and how awake i felt, and i was realizing so much about myself and having these Grand Epiphanies

and i’ve made my therapist tear up before because she genuinely cares which is part of what i love about her, but like, she full-on cried a little with me today and she was like “omg i never cry with clients ahhh” and it was very cute i feel like she is basically me but a therapist lol but it just made me cry more because i was so touched

and she laughed a little and was like, “this feels like a video game! you know cause we always talk about them. it feels like you’re the heroine of a video game and you’re finally starting to be in the moment”

and god idk that made me cry even more

and like.. it was good crying. it was happy crying. it was crying that was coming from somewhere i didn’t know wanted or needed to cry. it felt like my soul had just been cleansed, like it had showered and washed away grime. like i was an egg that had been cracked open and could breathe

and i feel so light, and clean, and hopeful, and proud, and it’s just a really big deal right now i guess. (still crying)

i feel like i’m on the edge of something. and i wanna take that leap, not into darkness and depression but into... light. that’s what it feels like. and it feels really, really good.

anyway uhhh i’m a mess right now. in a good way. i gots ta go eat dinner and then i think i’m gonna go walk in the park. i used to love the park but i haven’t been in a while, and i’m really feeling a good ole lay down in the grass and listening to music and just let myself cry and feel good.

(also, i had to stop by the tailor right after my therapy appointment to do my second fitting for my bridesmaid alterations and LOL my makeup was super smeared and my eyes were glossy red and my face was all blotchy i could tell the tailor was concerned but she didn’t say anything it was very awkward lol anyway)

i don’t know how to punctuate this post lol. i guess i just wanna say..

i feel good today. and that feels really, really, really good.

#personal spam #happy tag #boyyyyyyy it's a doozy

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heylabodega · 7 years

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Books Read, Age 26

Previously: 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18 (holy shit)

Enigma Variations–Aciman I talked to Robbie about this one a bunch bc he’s always looking for good novels about gay people by gay people and I thought this might be that but this is…not that. It had promise and the first section is really kind of lovely but it veers off and just…I don’t know, mileage will vary, but it didn’t feel True to me. idk idk either like he misunderstands love and sexuality or I do and it honestly could more than likely be me.

A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy–Adams One of those books I had just always kinda pretended I read. I mean not that people like frequently check to make sure I’ve read AHGttG but just like in my mind whenever it was mentioned I checked it off. You know the dealio you don’t need my thoughts on it (as opposed to most things, on which you definitely do).

All Grown Up–Attenberg My favorite of the Attenberg novels I’ve read. Of particular use and relevance to me, an aging single woman and unlikeable protagonist. I enjoyed this very much, it was sharp and warm and mean and tender.

Queen of the Night–Chee Hmm. Ok. I felt for most of this book that it like…thought it was a different, more important book than it actually was? It is overwritten–both in prose style and in that it could have been at least 100 pages shorter–and you know how sometimes you read a book with a female protagonist and you’re like ‘I can’t believe a man wrote this!’? Yeah this isn’t that. But the ending line is really good? idk. Someone else read it and tell me your thoughts.

Too Much and Not the Mood–Chew-Bose First of all, excellent title. These essays reminded me, and I mean in this in the lease self-important way possible, of my own writing. Just in that way where writing doesn’t have to be traditionally literarily linear. These essays are good and filled with the kind of sentences that make you know the writer loves words, you can feel her placing them carefully with the satisfying click of scrabble tiles, sliding them into the right order.

Who Killed Roger Ackroyd–Christie Typical Agatha novel and very good. I can’t tell you any more without spoiling it.

Murder in Retrospect–Christie This is one of my fave Christie’s. It was dark and smart and pithy.

Rule Britannia–Du Maurier I found this in a used bookstore in Portland, Maine, just after the Brexit vote. She wrote it in like the 70s and it’s speculative fiction based on if the UK left the EU and formed a union with the United States. It’s kind of really good but it also ends kind of abruptly, like maybe it could have been the first of a trilogy or something.

Plum Bun–Fauset This was my favorite book from my Harlem Renaissance class. I wrote my term paper on it. I love this book. I want to write it as a screenplay and someone to make it into a movie and I want Troian Bellesario to play the lead.

A Coney Island of the Mind–Ferlinghetti A book of (I think?) beat poetry that I found in a used bookstore in Saugherties at Thanksgiving. I love these poems, especially one called “The World is a Beautiful Place” which I read out loud to Robbie one night while we were walking between bars in the snow at like midnight.

Wishful Drinking–Fisher Carrie Fisher is one of those people whose very existence makes me feel braver and weirder and funnier. She’s a truly good soul and I don’t have anything else to say except that you should read this and also that you should Postcards From the Edge first it’s better.

Difficult Women–Gay I prefer Roxane Gay’s fiction to her nonfiction and these are very good, very interesting stories full of sadness and love.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X (as told to Alex Haley) I have never had so many people approach me while reading a book in public as this one. It is, unsurprisingly, an extremely compelling and upsetting book. But I was very surprised by it. I’m not sure quite what I expected from it, but it wasn’t what it was. I think about this book at least twice a week. I think everyone should read it and I think they’ll all enjoy it.

How To Be A Person In the World–Havrilesky I think maybe Ask Polly columns are better in smaller doses than a whole book, but nevertheless, for better or for worse, she shaped a great deal of my early-twenties self esteem and the essays translate to the page much better than a lot of internet writing I’ve read.

Girl on the Train–Hawkins This felt…cheap somehow. Like I got really into it and then felt like I’d been cheated or fooled because it’s truly not very good.

Bright Lines–Islam This is a fascinating book. It’s the most Brooklyn summery, felt the most like my Brooklyn summers despite describing a Bengali Muslim family and smoking weed and other experiences that are not specifically mine. I’d recommend it. Highly.

Intimations–Kleeman Man, I’ve recommended this book of short stories to so many people. It’s weird and interesting and it does something I think is hard, which is write surreal stories where the stakes still feel real, if that makes sense. She came and spoke to our class and she told an interesting question to ask of short stories which was, “what are the satisfactions of this story?” and all of these are satisfying and visceral. There’s one long one in the middle that I skipped and you can too, I give you permission.

A Swiftly Tilting Planet–L'Engle Hey, um, you know what’s p upsetting to read? A plot where a crazy dictator is gonna drop a nuclear bomb and start the end of the world (this isn’t a spoiler it’s introduced like five pages in).

A Wind in the Door–L'Engle This was not as good as A Wrinkle in Time–what is–but it was a bright easy read, her books are so–loving, I guess. Good if you need a little palate cleanser.

Passing–Larsen We read a LOT of books in my Harlem Renaissance course. This a very good, short novel about, well, guess. It’s like a painting somehow, like a 20th century painting.

Sister Outsider–Lorde I have taken none women’s studies courses so this was a pretty important text I had never read. It is very Good and everyone should read it if they have not already.

Cruel Shoes–Martin I LOVE Steve Martin and still on a few of these I was like “I don’t know, Steve.” But many others (they’re very short stories) are funny or clever or great.

Bright Lights, Big City–McInerney ughhhhhhh a book that is entirely written in second person and is about how womens’ existences and deaths have like ~made a man feel~ but it’s a short quick read and–I am E X T R E M E L Y reluctant to admit–the end is a really good image that did lowkey make me cry but also fuck this book

The Hopeful–O'Neill This I didn’t like much, in a way that I thought it needed a stronger editor and I want Eleanor or Robbie or someone I trust to read it to tell me if I’m wrong.

The Bed Moved–Schiff Weird and good little stories. I don’t think about them often, but they were elegant and sharp as I read them.

Eligible–Sittenfield It’s nice that they’re publishing Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic now in a bound book. This was enjoyable tho tbh not the best Modern AU Pride and Prejudice fanfic I, a cool and chill person, have read in my life.

Swing Time–Smith I think this is my fave of the Zadie Smith books I’ve read. I wasn’t sure by the end quite what the point of it was, but I guess also what’s the point of anything? idk this is a useless description of a book. It was immersive and interesting but I’ve also not told anyone “you *have* to read this you’ll love it.” We did go see her read from it and in person she is enchanting.

The New Woman–Sochen Nonfiction about what I think we’d call first-wave feminism? It was really fascinating about an era I knew nothing about but also had some, um, glaring omissions ahem any mention of race whatsoever.

Action. A Book About Sex–Spiegel Ok look yes fine I am an adult sexually active woman who still reads books about sex whatEVER. I missed sex-ed and I also like to hear, in a non-prurient (or sometimes prurient w/e) way what other people are up to, sex-wise. I mean there’s no real like advice about sex in the world, I think, except that everything consensual and fun is fine, but I think it’s important to occasionally remind yourself of that. This was a good book.

Missing, Presumed–Steiner A crime book that I neither loved nor hated and generally enjoyed reading. Big enh.

The Girls From Corona Del Mar–Thorpe Robbie gave this to me for my birthday last year. A beach read with an edge, page-turner-y but sharp. Seems like it’s going to be a light read, but there’s a bite to it, a reminder of the cruel randomness of fate and of our inability to really know other people or ourselves. I loved this.

Cane–Toomer So this is an important text from the Harlem Renaissance and it’s kinda…never classified? It’s a series of related but not continuous short stories, as well as poetry, and little like plays? idk it’s very evocative and beautiful and dense and bears up to intense overreading. One of my favorite books I read for my Harlem Ren class.

The Blacker the Berry–Thurman Ok so Wallace Thurman apparently worried his whole life that his writing style was too journalistic and he maybe wasn’t…wrong. This is NOT a bad book and it’s well written and novelistic exCEPT when sometimes it feels pedagogical or expository. It’s a short, well constructed novel about colorism and worth checking out.

Killer–Walters Lovely and weird poems. I went to go follow the author on Twitter and discovered I already was. I love these.

The Underground Railroad–Whitehead An extremely. upsetting. book. Here’s the thing and I understand the presumption of my criticism of a book that won the national book award, but: if you��re going to make your conceit that the Underground Railroad is a real railroad, I think that you should do more with it. THAT SAID the rest of this is truly wonderful, somehow at once a page turner and viscerally upsetting.

Kiss Me Like a Stranger–Wilder I love Gene Wilder. I’d read Gilda Radnor’s memoir a couple years ago so part of this was sort of an interesting other side of the story. Anyways he seems like a genuinely strange, slightly neurotic, flawed but mostly warm and kind person.

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systmgltchs · 5 years

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sYsTm gBbRsH: letting go

I don't know exactly how to start. Gah. The last few days of the 2018 had been very exhausting and enlightening to me. Thus, the struggle to write about this. Fuck.

Over the past few years, I've been starting to let go a lot of things in my life. I've let go of a lover, abusive and toxic friends, toxic relatives, bad habits, pets I really loved, ambitions, and a few more things. Although every goodbye crushed me completely, I came to learn that clearing up real estate in my life has been very freeing and shed some light on who I really am and who I really want to be. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a coward when it comes to letting go, but each time I run away or get left behind, I become braver walking this world alone. Everytime it's the same: you're gonna have to struggle at the beginning, but as time runs its course, you get used to it and you get stronger.

Which is why this time, I am ready to let go a decade of friendship with someone. And also limiting my energy and emotional efforts to a few others. Let me tell you how I got to this point.

I'm well-aware of her quirks since we've known each other for a long time. She's smart, eloquent, outgoing, fun, charming, and a goofball. I also know her bad parts, she's a bully, high-maintenance friend, sensitive Piscean, and a social climber. For years, I loved her for and despite all these things.

However, things changed since December 2017 at our circle's year-end party. I was then broke, tiny bit depressed, delayed in college, and still recovering from a breakup and my encounter with an abusive friend. My circle was one of the only best things left in my life so I really was excited about the trip. However, I had financial problems, and she came to the rescue. Treated me. I was grateful. And so we went.

It was all fun at first, but that didn't last long. Before we left our house after a whole night of preparations and shenanigans, I already feel something is off. But of course, being grateful for the treat and the excitement, I disregarded my hunches. I still gave in to the fun.

And so we go to the end of the road. I was bullied. The worst bullying I've ever experienced so far. Every damn time I open my mouth or try to help with the food and other stuff, she and my other friend either pokes fun at me or completely dismisses me. I was really upset. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment. They thought it's fun. They thought it's no big deal since I am the introvert of the group and perhaps, the most submissive type. And the worse part is, since I was treated for the trip, I think it would be ungrateful for me to call them out or walk out. God, I don't even have the money to go home. So I just kept my mouth shut. I was silent. It was getting hard to hide my anger and frustration.

So to cope, I smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Whenever my hands are empty, I smoke. And they hated it deep down. Well, not all of them, but I'm sure she does. And so my lighter got lost. I'm sure she had it. Kept it. At first, I had no idea where it fucking was the next morning. I even asked the boys to find it with me. Nothing. I had a hunch that she took it because she have shown hate for my smoking the most explicitly among my friends. Hell, I don't even smoke at their faces. I usually smoke far away. But of course, I didn't jump into conclusions. Until, she pulled a move in the most foolish fashion. She handed me my lighter and told me she found it at the place where we scanned the most and has the least mess in our area. Total bullshit. So I took it. I was really upset. Smoking is a coping mechanism for me. Fuck. This is the only thing that kept me sane not only the entire trip but also to my crumbling life and she took it away from me. I was so angry. But yeah, got to keep it together. I've been more silent than ever. But I have already shown irritation.

I was so tired after the entire trip. I was also blind on the way home because the frame of my glasses broke. What a lucky bastard I am! I stopped talking to them for days. Didn't even bother to postprocess and upload the photos early. Because wtf, all that trip has given me is trauma. I've been friends with them for years, and I've never experienced such disrespect. The only good thing I can only think of from that trip is my self-control. Glad I didn't snap because my anger is so explosive it can immediately burn bridges. And I think theirs too.

I can never forget that experience. But because our friendship is strongly bonded and run by our yearly reunions and our colorful high school life, I chose to cool down and repressed that memory a little. So I uploaded the photos, laughed, and went on like before. But I know it's never going to be the same. As much as I want to forget, that's not me.

Fastforward a few months. We had another gathering. Unfortunately, I came early, and guess what, she's also an earlybird. So of course, the obligated small talk. Then suddenly, she changed the topic to the trip. She told me she was aware of what she did to me and she really was sorry. Hell, creepily, she even mentioned one of my Facebook posts that enlightened her to the incident. Ugh. The worst thing you can do to me is make me feel I'm being watched. Of course, as a delicate soul, I focused on her apology. God, I was almost in tears, but I tried hard not to cry. And so, rainbows and butterflies again. Or so we thought.

More months followed and we still had our reunions just like before. I tried to forget all the trauma and stuff but I can't. I also keep noticing that she's struggling to hide her inner bully. She was more calculated to me this time, but I can see a fluke. I realized that there's no going back to that trip on the fateful day of December 30th year 2017. I'm never getting any closer. And as much as I want her not to notice, I can't. I'm no liar. But not giving her a lot of evidences for conclusion that I absolutely am uninterested in being her friend anymore. Just going with the flow for the sake of the rest of our friends and the yearly tradition.

Despite this, a part of me still wants to try. Since we're getting older and mature, I had hopes that she might have changed her ways. Also, there was a lot of time we spent not talking or meeting each other since we've been really busy, so in the meantime, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

And guess what. I was wrong. Changed? Mature? Bitch, she's been slipping behind my back! A few months ago, my friends opened up to me about her. I was blown away. How changed she indeed is. My friend who is a board exam topnotcher told me that he was told by her to ditch the university he went to in his resume. Mainly because, the university doesn't belong to the biggest universities in the country. What the actual fuck. That university was integral to my friend's academic achievements and to all of us since we also went there in high school. That is also the place where our friendship blossomed. And just like that, just because it's not at par with the popular universities, she got the nerve to disrespect my friend's education, well, ours too.

But perhaps you're wondering, how did she get the nerve? Well, because she went to college in one of the most expensive universities in the province which is also very popular to be the home of the upper class or financially-privileged students. She lived amongst the richest kids, even got a boyfriend. And as much as I hate it to happen, it got in her head. Back in highschool, she was already arrogant and a total bragger (idk if it's a word), imagine what she has become now.

Intolerable. She keeps rubbing in our faces her lavish lifestyle and her rich boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with sharing our successes and breakthroughs in life, but she just can't stop bragging to the point that others' achievements get invalidated or get disregarded. Every opportunity she gets, she brags, and sometimes, we don't even know if they're facts. Sometimes, she brags even if it's unnecessary or does not contribute at all to the conversation. It is getting annoying and even some of my friends agree.

But the worst thing that completely threw me off happened on another December 30th, this time, 2018. She disrespected one of our friends. Now this may completely sound nonsense to them or some, but it really spoke volumes to me as I was talked about the same way in the past by my toxic aunt. She talked about my friend's body correlating to her current romantic relationship and was implying hate on my friend's hesitance on talking about sex. My friend was not around then. God, the disrespect. She was also making a controversy out of our friend's social media posts. What a creep. She haven't even felt bad or sad about her not attending the sleepover. Insensitive.

After that night which is now one of the worsts for me so far, I've never felt more exhausted in my life in a long time. I was so annoyed and disappointed not just on her, but my other friend who joined her in talking shit about our other friend. God. Instead of hitching a ride in her boyfriend's car, I chose to leave early and walk home. Our house was near anyways and I just want silence after a night of useless conversations filled with lust, desperation, and an overwhelming amount of bragging.

That day, I decided to let go. Even if we shared a decade of friendship, I'm very much willing to leave it in the past. This is no longer working and will no longer work. And I hate forcing things because we'll only get even more hurt and carry a heavier baggage in the future. So before some explosive fighting match happens, I am leaving it all.

Also, I can never forgive the trauma she and my other friend gave me. I don't think they're sorry at all. Why? Because they still do it to me. I can feel in my spine how they look down on me. I just feel small around them. But more importantly, I really feel bad for my other friends when they treat them with disrespect or insensitivity. They are so full of themselves that they refuse to see how the others are doing, feeling, their welfare, and their progress. Do you see that as friendship? I don't think so.

I think I've had enough of them already. Thinking about it, I never needed them. None of them ever went the distance to do me a huge favor nor our other friends. And after all those years of keeping them company and making their lives colorful, what ungratefulness they've shown not just to me, but to our other friends.

So.

Goodbye.

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lorax177 · 7 years

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just noticed something

in [S] Make Her Pay, right before Aradia starts beating the shit out of Vriska, there’s this image:

which i originally thought was Vriska trying to start something. But upon closer inspection, what I had seen as a fight pose is actually much more peaceful and submissive.

Notice how her left hand, which, being (arguably) her dominant hand as well as being made of metal and therefore much stronger than her right, is lowered and in an open, somewhat relaxed position, while her right is loosely extended with her hand open and facing sideways.

that doesn’t seem like an aggressive gesture to me. More like a handshake, or maybe an apologetic ‘hey, look,’ sort of thing. We know when she’s feeling cocky she’s ALWAYS smiling, and she folds her arms over her chest and leans backward, or puts her hands on her hips, or otherwise just really gives off an arrogant facade that gives the impression that she just really loves fighting.

But we can see here that isn’t the case. Her body language is much more submissive and apologetic. She’s not smiling, her back is stooped, herhead is down, and her face gives off more of a ‘hey, I’m sorry’ kind of impression than a ‘you’re in for it’ one.

And let’s be honest here. If Vriska wanted to fight, she would have pummeled Aradia all over again. She’s powerful enough to give Jack Noir a run for his money. But she let Aradia beat her up. Why?

Because she was trying to make it up to Aradia. She was trying to apologize for killing her. Vriska feels awful about what she did. She didn’t want to do it in the first place, but Scratch maniulated her into it (that doesn’t erase the fact that she still did it, but the fact remains that she never wanted to be the way she is). In this frame we catch a glimpse into a side of Vriska we rarely get to see: she’s apologetic, insecure, reaching out to make amends. And she lets aradia beat her to a pulp without retaliating because, deep down, she feels that she deserves it, and she doesn’t want to hurt her again.

Now, an argument could be made that she was trying to get aradia to beat her to within an inch of her life so that she could get Tavros to take her to her quest cocoon and ascend to god tier. But if that were purely the case, wouldn’t she have orchastrated a less painful way? Wouldn’t she have come at aradia the way she normally does, ensuring aradia would be angry enough to attack? Would she have put her life in Tavros’ hands willingly, not knowing for a fact that he would stand up for her? This is the person she always accuses of being spineless and weak. And using her powers would undoubtedly make it impossible to convince aradia, because being mind-controlled by her would make him appear like a zombie--aradia would know in an instant that her longtime friend wasn’t acting of his own volition.

One thing we know about Vriska is that when she takes chances, she makes sure all of the odds are in her favor, and that she is in control of every piece of the puzzle. A plan in which she depends upon the heroic action of someone she thinks of as cowardly does not sound like a plan she would make. Rising to godtier was obviously only a plan B for if she ever got seriously injured, otherwise she would have just cut out all the middlemen and done it herself. Asking Tavros to put her out of her misery yet not psychically forcing him to do so wasn’t premeditated, it was the product of a severely wounded Vriska, who feels betrayed by aradia, and is now seeing a new, braver side of tavros and pinning her hopes of having someone there for her on him by testing his resolve. She doesn’t want to make the choice for him again, as she had pre-sgrub, because she feels guilty about that too. In a way, this is her twisted way of asking for forgiveness from tavros, feeling that her chance to make amends with aradia is shot. In the ‘K8LL ME″ scene, she has become isolated from everyone she had considered her friend, having burned all of her bridges before sgrub, and is now pinning the last of her hope for...redemption, friendship, validation... all on tavros, because he’s the only one left. The only one who helped her when she was dying, the only one who believed in her (or so she feels).

And this really explains her behavior on the meteor. The whole flash, every single one of her interactions is her desperately trying to reach out to anyone and everyone, trying to redeem herself by hatching a plan to kill jack--blinded to the concequences of this action, trying to antagonize terezi for some bit of blackrom normalcy from their scourge days, initiating a conversation with eridan of all people, being friendly and supportive to feferi and nepeta, trying to connect with equius and kanaya, encouraging tavros, trying to joke around with sollux, and humoring karkat and gamzee. And her interaction with Aradia? She avoids trying to apologize, seeing as it was something that apparently set her off last time, and instead adopts her usual abrasive style of talking. She admits that aradia’s clapback hurts. When Aradia threatens her, saying she could ‘kill her with a twitch’, vriska says ‘yeah, but you won’t!’...which seems like a taunt at first, perhaps meant to imply weakness, or rub it in her face that tavros protected her, but I think it could also betray a bit of hope. ‘you didn’t kill me when you had the chance’, to vriska, could seem to be something like ‘there’s hope that we could put the past behind us and be friends’.

idk just some thoughts

#hs meta #homestuck #vriska

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wolfwhiteflowers · 4 years

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found this on twitter and wanted (try) to answer them here instead. :B Great questions! thanks. @LM_Nocass

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5. AU: real life. Which one of them is more attractive to believe in supernatural stuff? Why? ||hmm they both seem to be into that. erm I’ll say Daryl.

6. AU: real life. Which one of them is more attractive to send a lot of Red heartFace throwing a kissSmiling face with heart-shaped eyes and etc? Why? || Carol is more open to display of affection. But Daryl got hearts on his sleeves. He’s straightforward tells/show you how he feels and means it.

13. What would do today's Carol if she met someone like Ed? ||Probably be able to stand up to him when he starts to be controlling and she speak out and say it’s not right. Idk..maybe them talking it out will make Ed change himself if he wants to. 14. If today's Carol met past Carol, what would she say to her? ||You’re stronger than you think you are. You are enough. These hard times made her wiser in Apoc./life. She’s always a mother..when they’re gone, they’re still with her. 15. If today's Daryl met past Daryl, what would he say to him? ||This doesn’t always have to be this way/Merle-life. You’re not alone. Good people will stick with you. Trust them. Your goodness matters. You don’t need to depend on Merle. If Merle wouldn’t change now then he won’t later on. Idk... Daryl is so loyal and to his brother. So it’s just he gotta let Merle/his past go. 16. Why does Daryl prefer the crossbow, not a bow? ||I guess that’s what hunters like to use most often. Idk. 17. AU: real life. Which one of them is most likely to surfing in the Internet for hours? Why? ||Carol because she mentioned internet in s4. lol Okay um yeah Carol I guess. I think she likes to research on things. Daryl is more outdoorsy kind of person. 18. AU: real life. Which one of them will have a private acc on social medias and who won’t care? ||I think both would be private...or heck Daryl not private but barely any content. lol Just hunting, nature stuff and games.

19. AU: real life. Which one of them will send memes? ||Carol because she like goofy or sassy jokes.

21. AU: real life. What profession is suitable for Daryl? Why? ||A hunter, mechanic, or construction worker. Something like hands-on job.

22. Which of them has a black sense of humor? ||I think Carol have a dark/black sense of humor. Daryl is ..more less humor-y. more sarcastic. idk what im saying.

29. If there was Caryl movie, what song(s) would you add to it? || hmm a song to add, I would pick ..”You and Me” by Pink I think. Or, X and Y by Coldplay. Or, Cosmic Love by Florence Machine. 30. Did Daryl help you? ||I really appreciate the writers and the acting did with Daryl and Carol. They’re really unique, interesting and relatable characters. Daryl helped me to keep being myself and do what’s right even when you feel odd ball out. Idk I also like that we see characters like Daryl and Carol what we stereotypical think they may be like in s1 but then we see they’re relatable and we can be more open minded to other people. I liked that we see him getting a chance to grow and see how loyal he is. 31. Did Carol help you? ||Yeah. I really like how she’s like I guess most people in s1, quiet, timid, not quite fit into the Apoc. world, but learns to trust herself, get braver and open up. She’s like so strong and brave now but it’s not surprising to see that in a way because we see her character development and I like how writers and acting, made it so relatable and realistic to me. We all can be like Carol. //I think she’s a great character to watch for mothers who lost kids or was a abused wife. Same with Daryl as a abused child/brother in that Merle’s lifestyle.

35. Describe Carol in one word. ||Brave

36. Describe Daryl in one word. ||Loyal or uh a word that means does what he think is the right thing to do...and caring. Uncle.

#caryl #long post #*twd #this was so fandomy #caryl positivity

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