#suicidal ideation jic

[zukosdualdao]

i don’t like it when people call zuko stupid/dumb, etc. for many of the same reasons other people don’t (it’s generally ableist to make fun of people for lack of intelligence, but it makes me especially uncomfortable when part of the abuse zuko has suffered is specifically being treated like he is by ozai (and azula, who obviously learned this behavior from her father and seems to delight in being able to manipulate zuko so well when that is, of course, an effect of trauma.)

but i ALSO don’t like it because it doesn’t actually match up with what we see about him in the show. zuko, at multiple points, is able to logically assess information and react accordingly, use his bending and general combat skills and environment creatively, and when he is actively trying to grow and change, gets a lot better at emotional insight with both himself and others.

(moments that come to mind re: some of these abilities are when he’s looking for iroh in the first winter solstice episode, one of his crew members sees the spot where iroh was taken and assumes there was a landslide, and zuko is immediately like “no, land doesn’t slide uphill, he was taken by earthbenders.” also i think about him sliding the table between him and jet before their epic sword fight all the time. LOVE a character who is resourceful in their fight sequences. another is in boiling rock when they escape the prison but still need to get off the island, and zuko stops and deduces that azula must have gotten there somehow and then quickly finds the airship that they use for the rest of their escape.)

i think part of this idea comes from iroh telling zuko he doesn’t think things through and zuko later taking that to heart, and there is an element of truth to this, but i think it’s actually somewhat of an oversimplification on iroh’s part (and therefore in common fandom interpretation of zuko as a character.)

the thing is, some of the things zuko does that people deem ‘stupid’ are actually just showcasing that the tunnel vision he succumbs to when desperate makes him not only cause harm to others, but himself, because he becomes actively careless about his own life and general well-being.

for instance, a scene i see people attribute to zuko not being smart a lot is when he breaks into the nwt by following the turtle seals under frozen pathways. and i disagree! this is simultaneously really clever (zuko is #very good at breaking and entering) and very reckless. (he is very desperate by this point, even moreso than he has been all season, because his resources have pretty much vanished, with zhao having his ship exploded and commandeering his crew.)

and the line he has here shows that he actually is thinking about the logical consequences of this potentially very dangerous course of action: “they have to be coming up for air somewhere.” it’s not that he doesn’t think about what could happen next, it’s that to him, the risk seems worth the reward. and when he gets desperate enough, he decides his options are “figure it out as i go” or “die trying.”

and like. that is, to me, a more interesting trait, and also deeply concerning! i don’t read zuko as actively suicidal in the show canon — the comics are a whole different beast we won’t talk about today — but it is certainly risky, self-destructive behavior that is like… just to the left of passive suicidal ideation.

that’s also why i think iroh probably knows he’s oversimplifying a little in his assessment of zuko not thinking things through. because it’s a lot easier to tell himself that the nephew he loves dearly just isn’t thinking things through than actively devaluing his own safety to this degree. it’s also part of why he becomes so adamantly, deeply concerned (to the point of sounding almost stern) when zuko despairs that “there’s no hope at all” in book two. because once you give up on there being any hope left in the world or in your own life, it becomes a lot easier for those semi-passive self-destructive behaviors to become a lot more active.

[sakakisilverlining]

No I kinda agree with other anon (my psychic anonymous powers dw about it). You were forced to do terrible things, you both hit each other at least once, you have a suicide pact. Like arguments happen between couples but like. Eventually what’s the breaking point? What’s the breaking point of you just can’t stand each other anymore?

I'm not "getting tired of him". I'm just leaving him alone since he refuses to even look at me today. If he leaves me, I'll kill us both. He can't leave me. He promised me. He's just mad right now. He won't leave.

[worldruins]

I have to wonder what the ancients were THINKING creating the iterators. it seems self-evident that maybe not all but *some* of the canon iterators had social needs (not to mention people’s iterator ocs lol) that can’t be met in the longterm with their cities abandoned and communications between different cans precarious at best. Of course a bunch of them want to die, you created soul-crushing loneliness for robots.

[laufire]

season 4 be like. does jasper's philosophy on the face of the apocalypse make perfect sense or am I still a little bit suicidal?

[aroace-polyshow]

“i’m going to kill myself For Real this time” <- is in fact not going to kill itself For Real this time

[satanfemme]

[ID in alt]

Warm Leatherette, V.V.

[silverfilledstars]

How far can someone fall before getting hurt .. ? Asking for. Uhmm. A coworker.

[daz4i]

I'm tired of depression in media being portrayed as almost exclusively "character has lost a loved one so now they don't mind if they die" so here are concepts i find more interesting, either based on characters i ran into that ppl seem to not realize are depressed or based on real people i know

i mentioned it before, but a character being so utterly and painfully bored with everything and everyone. they do risky things or put others in danger just to see if it'll make them feel something

ambition as a cause for despair. a character so terrified of not achieving their goals it makes them feel like their effort is pointless, sending them into a depressed state (common trope i do see with this concept is a character working too hard to the point of self harm for example)

a more general version of this^, passion as a cause for despair. for example, caring so much about other people that they can't bear to see bad things happen, so they want to die just to escape it

character surrounded by people who love them, in an environment that by all means is designed to help them grow, but they simply can't love or care about anyone or anything around them enough to want to stay alive

character who survives a near death experience but firmly believes this was a mistake and they should've died (NOT survivor's guilt as in someone else did die!!! i mean an experience involving just them)

just the first few ideas that came to my mind. might add more in a reblog later, and ofc you're welcomed to add your own! uwu

[tatney]

[perenlop]

Current worry about Starfall’s themes and Asha’s arc in particular is that it parallels the Darkrai arc a liiittle too well

[transgeoffrickly]

how to stop feeling like you were meant to die long ago and you are living on precarious borrowed time

[sakakisilverlining]

If water was the solution to everything, I would drown myself.

[futurefind]

hc + 🤥 for a lie-themed headcanon and hc + 😶 for a headcanon about a secret they know of / keep and hc + 🌇 for a headcanon about morning- or evening rituals - for sa!

Thematic Headcanons / Accepting! // @tvrningout

—& A SECRET

Sasume has many secrets to her name, primarily regarding her background. She's not shy on being a 'street rat', but beyond this she obscures everything else to some degree— whether it's the age at which her mother died, to the fact her father (or Tomas) even exists, or the way her hometown saw her. Most intentionally kept however, is why she left home— even Shida isn't completely sure of what ensued, outside of the aftermath.

Interpersonally, however, there are many secrets she's willing to keep, even without being asked — particularly with regards to survival. If you killed someone to protect yourself (or another), for example, she has no qualms with burying that knowledge as if she never knew it at all.

Threatening her into secrecy, as one could imagine, is all but doomed to end poorly— whether because it's only her head on the chopping block, an effective non-threat, or because you're trying to force her secrecy by threatening others, in which case she's wont to get rid of you first.

(However, it should be noted that a non-secret of hers is Shinrei itself. She has no clue as to its origins, or machinations, or why she alone has been allowed to wield it. For better, or for worse...)

—& A LIE

Simply put: Sasume is an awful liar.

Not because she cannot lie well, but because it doesn't occur to her to lie in the first place. She may lie to keep others' secrets (see: above), but...? Otherwise, she will not lie. She doesn't see a point to it, is stubbornly honest if you try and corner her into lying (i.e. using your authority to try and get your ass kissed).

However. If it's regarding something she wishes were true, or thinks is true... she'll be as defensive and insistent as ever. Which is to say, when it directly or indirectly involves her childhood (again, see: above) or her safety...?

She doesn't think she's lying.

"I've had worse," is damn near always, horrifically, factual.

"I was an orphan after my mother died," is also technically true.

"Got in trouble a lot as a kid," is not technically wrong.

"It's nothing," is... genuinely how she sees her own hurt, whether physical or otherwise. It is as it always has been as it always will be and thus of no consequence. Nothing.

In other words, she's someone who lies through omission, but she doesn't see it that way — merely providing the truth in a more palatable manner.

(Though, if any good has come from her acquired stoicism and awkwardness, it's how many signs of deception and omission can be handwaved by others.)

—& A RITUAL

I would say Sasume has no daily rituals... but just because she eschews sleep does not mean she has no routine of her own at all.

Firstly, if she has the means to do so, she works through the night— whether it be via hunting supernatural marks one way or another, or by traveling (either to her target destination, or the next town in search of further work).

Otherwise, or if her work is shorter and/or involves a lot of idling, is her 'training'. Sometimes it's exactly that, as she idles away the hours as she upkeeps her skills and physicality as the world sleeps. Others, especially on her worst nights, it's no less than self harm, with all standard practices for preventing injury (warm-ups/cool-downs, stretches, keeping hands/etc covered instead of dealing blows with naked skin, etc) discarded along with the wind.

Depending on her whims, her grooming and upkeep can come before this, or after, and depends on her current needs: bathing, though with Shinrei in depth washing is usually reserved for either excessive gore or after a similarly long time since the last one; upkeeping Shinrei, usually just oiling and absent-minded, almost excessive cleaning; mending her clothes, especially from injuries/battle damage, usually after she's double checked any bloodstains have been prevented, or when previous repairs need to be touched up; her meals, even more unpredictable and reliant on her current situation than the rest.

And then, of course... sleep. As it only occurs a few times a week, it disrupts her usual routines just as much as one would imagine— given she puts it off as long as possible, and thus to the point of near-delirium even with exploiting Shinrei, usually this involves little more than finding a safe bed and passing out atop it for ten to twenty hours or so.

Sometimes it'll come after she's had the wherewithal to do her usual upkeep, but often she'll only do the bare minimum (ensuring any of her current wounds are sealed and/or stitched up properly). After she wakes, then, is when she comes as close to a 'normal' routine as possible, getting in her grooming and meals and training et cetera in reasonable proximity towards one's last rest.

After this, however, is when the cycle of sleepless nights begins anew.

[dutybcrne]

Most people can’t tell because of their respective gloves, but Kaeya, Lisa, and Jean all have a matching ring-like scars about the middle fingers of their left hands. Lisa was the one who took care of searing it onto them and herself, representing an oath they made to each other.

[violetshine-appreciation]

not to be autistic but errmmm new milgram mv came out today so friendly reminder to stream this its the official theme song for my violetshine kills sleekwhisker au. btw

[vulturetime]

In two alternate worlds.