#suicide thoughts cw

[inklessletter]

The bloody angel.

❤️

The clean version here.

Again, thank you SO MUCH for trusting the process.

Steve's breath is barely a whisper when he confesses to Eddie that he's not scared of death. Eddie knows Steve should be, he's been facing death far too long for a man his age. He locks his fingers together when Eddie whispers back that he is sorry he had to learn to forget that fear.

Steve whispers again that everytime he thought he was going to die, it was saving someone he loved. He values his life, yes. He values his heart more. His heart, a personal home for everyone in it, that he had to build himself, heartbreak after heartbreak. Dying defending his homeland was something he wasn't afraid of. He could never be.

Eddie shows his fascination by keeping his silence.

"And I would do it again, everytime," Steve says, kissing Eddie's hand.

Eddie then could see the deep negative space inside Steve that could only be appreciated when he looked into his eyes for far too long.

A soulless void.

A man in love with death.

[mrslittletall]

This morning, a side blog of mine got shadowbanned. It isn't even the first time it happened. It is my kink blog and it got shadow banned around the end of last year/start of the new year and when I tried to appeal for it, it got deleted for apparently having art of "underage characters in sexual depictions". Which was... not a thing on this blog. Yes, it is a kink blog, but I am pretty sure that a majority of the characters I reblogged are adults, the ones who were depicted in sexual positions were definitely adults and there were a few where I didn't know the age, but they clearly looked like adults. And I don't draw for this kink myself, so it couldn't have been my art. I only write and my writing is a) a link to AO3 b) tumblr allows to post erotica (which I didn't even do, it was a LINK. Thing is, my kink blog is one of the most harmless in the community and it is tagged and names are censored and I make sure that only people of the community should find it and not someone random who didn't want to see it. You have to know, other blogs of our kink have blatant IRL gifs of kink behaviour and sex and sometimes you can see downright genitals. IRL genitals! The only genitals I had on my blog were reblogged fanart and they were all tagged with nsfw so that people had something to block. And because this happened again, I am pretty sure that someone tries to damage me and reports my blog and that someone must be from within the community. I have no clue who it is and if I find them, I will block, it is just... When I saw the block shadowbanned, I was like "Man, that sucks" and moved on with my life. But over the day, I got really upset about it. And that was when it dawned on me... All the stuff that happened lately... I was barely hanging on a thread. My husband still in hospital -> Fine My cat got sick -> Fine My car is damaged -> Fine My stupid kink blog is shadow banned -> The end of the world. I was already having so much stuff to worry about, that this little thing, which was probably born from malice, made my mental health tank and I was close to tears for the rest of my morning and feeling like I want to go offline forever and live back in the 90ies because nobody cares about me and everyone hates me and they have fun taking the little things of joy of me that I still have. That thoughts spiralled into the thought that my husband could die during the transport to another hospital thanks to an accident, the thought that Geraldina would lie dead at home because her sickness was worse than I thought and finally the thought of me wanting to end it all because I couldn't live like this anymore. Yeah, the mental health was extremely in the dumps. I feel better now, I got over my intrusive thoughts. Geraldina is fine, my husband surely will not die during an accident and I won't take drastic measures. I just wonder... the people who do something like that, do they even think what the other person is going through? Maybe one day someone really does something they can't take back just because of something that should not be bad, but for them, it was the last drop into their barrel... Anyway, I wanted to say this here, where I have more followers and where I am not shadow banned, and excuse me, I will put this into the tag of my kink, because I want you guys to see my trouble.

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[yeehawpim]

sometimes caring feels like a contradiction but let's wake up tomorrow to unread messages together

[janellefeng]

Some behind the scenes work for my thesis film.

In the beginning, I was frustrated with the storyboard, so I drew a comic instead to plan out the film.

[wild0moon]

someone pls teach him proper trigger discipline

[miauta]

[HAPPY END] Chapter 3 - Page 8

Hot take - Maxo had one of the worst endings

He was in such dark place and he needed help

Time to give him that help

[sen-ya]

OOF so this is one I very roughly blocked out after reading 1081 and always meant to finish, then when I went into the file to finish it it corrupted. So it'll stay like this, transcript's under the cut and I assume it's particularly needed for this one.

[pg1] panel 1: Law: This life is a cruel joke! Why can't something just fucking kill me already?!

panel 2: Luffy: Torao -- Law: Don't fucking touch me Straw Hat!!

panel 3: Law: What would you know about loss?!

panel 4: Zoro: Hey, watch it!

panel 5: Law: Torao --

panel 6: Law: I was there when your brother died!

[pg2] panel 7: Luffy: Torao, please. Law: That's your body count, Strawhat! Luffy: Just come back -- Law: People flock to you, your family returns from the dead! Luffy: Listen to me --

panel 8: Law: While my family sinks to the bottom of the ocean!

panel 9: Law: Why aren't I with them?! Luffy: Because you're meant to live, Torao!

panel 10: Law: But I don't want to!!! I never asked to survive!!!

[pg3] panel 11: Law: It's cruel, Lu-ya. Cruel, and cold, and empty!

panel 12: Law: Please don't make me keep living. I'm past this life. I'm tired. I'm tired. Luffy: Torao Law: I'm so tired.

panel 13: Law: I know you want me to be alive. But can't I be selfish, Lu-ya? Can't I just rest? Luffy: Not like this.

panel 14: Luffy: I'm even more selfish than you. I won't grant you that peace. Law: sob

[pg4] panel 15: Luffy: We're gonna get your crew back. Franky will build you a new ship. Law: I don't want to. hic. Luffy: I don't care. Law: Lu-ya, let me go. Luffy: No.

panel 16: Luffy: Just go to sleep for now. That's rest you can have.

panel 17: Law: You can't tell me what to do.

panel 18: Luffy: There you go. That's the spirit.

[naffeclipse]

Randomly remembered my time loop au :) and how you get killed by the DCA for the first time in the time loops, and to you, it's no big deal. It's fine. You literally came back so it's not a big deal. Right? Wrong.

You try to go to the pizzaplex to start the (same) day but you discover that you can't get through the front doors despite buying a ticket. The staff bot dryly informs you that you have been registered as a dangerous individual who is not permitted to enter the pizzaplex, which is new, to say the least. You think there's a mistake.

You try again the next day. You're still barred from entering but have nothing but a day free of consequences to do whatever you please, so you break in. Before you reach the daycare, security bots catch you.

You shout at the DCA. Sun can hear you. You know he can but his back stays to you as he watches children color with their little crayons and you briefly remember Moon's hands closing in on your throat with the strange violet glow of his eyes being the last thing you saw—but you're fine. Can't he see that you're fine? You're not dead! You can't stay dead! Why is he doing this to you? He didn't forget you. No, you refuse to consider it because if he didn't know you, he would be staring at the crazy person trying to break into the daycare, but he doesn't. He doesn't meet your eyes.

The next day (again), you find your breaking and entering point is now crawling in security bots. You know he knows. Why is he keeping you away? A spark of anger takes hold and you ignite. He is all you have. He can't make you stay away. You look straight at one of the security cameras. This is a challenge now. You tell him you have nothing but time, baby, and you'll see him again and make him see you rosy cheek and breathing.

You've died before. You've had accidents in the time loop before, you've had reckless, impulse decisions that ended with you mangled, and you've even had a few times where you've taken care of yourself because you wanted it to end but the same day starts over and over so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing mattered until you found him. And he remembered you.

Please, Sun. Don't do this. Don't be scared. You're so alone and afraid and if you don't have him, if you don't have Moon, you have nothing. You still feel his cold digits closing in around your throat but you're more terrified of going back to the days when you experienced it all alone. You'll come back tomorrow (the same day again). Please.

You wake up. It's the same day. It will always be, you fear. You get to the pizzaplex and somehow, you're allowed inside. You're anxious, rushing to the daycare, immune to the strange looks parents give you because it doesn't matter, they will not remember this moment or you. But someone will. You reach the castle doors and push them open and he's there. His head is low and his hands are held behind his back like they're weapons, like they're ropes for hanging, but you fling yourself at him. You wrap your arms around his skinny torso and press your cheek against his chassis and breathe again for the first time in days (the same day, over and over). You tell him in a wet, fierce voice to never do that again.

He tells you that it's not safe. His hands hover over your shoulder blades, his off-yellow digits curling in apprehension, afraid to even hold you. What if the time loop ends and they come back out of the dreadful glitch, and you're in their arms, not breathing? They can't allow that. They won't.

You tell him you would prefer that over enduring the time loops without them—but then he grabs you by the arms. He pries you off him, holding you with taut fingertips digging into your flesh. Is the glitch back? His eyes are pale and the dull gray iris within is sharp like an end. Your heart bobs in your chest. His voice dips into a growling, vicious thing when he tells you to never say that again. You cannot think that or they will ban you forever. They will never see you again. Do you understand?

You almost sob, but you nod, biting your bottom lip. Okay. Just don't stay away from you, okay?

He slowly loosens his hold. Your arms ache but it doesn't matter. He tilts his sun rays and nods. They promise. And he wraps you back in the hug you've been looking for after so many days (every day again and again).

[oobbbear]

What's the purpose of the cloud angel?

How does Dolus feel around it.?

Cloud is one of the Water angel variants! This is the four I currently have (you can read about who Water Angel is here)

The angel changes as Dolus’ view on death changes

All the angel variants are essentially the same they serve the same purpose being the personification of Dolus’ idea of death, the only difference is their appearance and a bit in personality

Water angel is the default one, it is there 90% of the time it represents Dolus’ fear of drowning. It usually like to sit on his shoulder or cling on him in some way. It is cold to touch but as time goes by the temperature becomes comforting

Cloud/Hight is soft and light like a pillow, the least aggressive one too, Dolus like to cuddle with cloud it’s very comforting feels weightless like floating in the sky

Electricity shows up the least, Dolus never thought this is gonna be the end of him he even finds the sensation of being zapped entertaining. It might cross his mind sometimes but It appears as quickly as it disappears like lightning

Fire is just annoying

[sad-leon]

hey look its another Death Wish animatic :D @remedyturtles

Song: Angel Eyes and Basetball by Foot Ox

HI REM IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM. SO NORMAL. ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NORMAL

[bpddress-updarling]

♡ — oh, romantic double suicide. i want to split a bottle of pills with her and down them in one or two gulps before we clink our bottles of vodka together and chug. i want to hold her in my arms as i start foaming from the mouth, as my body starts spasming and the life leaves me. it would be such a joy to watch her go first. i want to hold her in my arms so she knows she is safe as she seizes into the afterlife, and i join her soon after.

[gooeseyleo]

Gooseyleo Prologue Part 8

Prev || Final

[theriverbeyond]

something so specific about how we are introduced to Lyctorhood as this thing of violent conquest: Naberius stabbed in the back with his own sword and his dead soul still fighting. and we are told (by Ianthe!) that this is just how it is.

and indeed, when Harrow is taking notes on people on the Mithraeum, one of her first assumptions about Augustine is "killed own sibling". but that's not true!! that didn't happen. that didn't happen to any of the other Lyctors. we might not know who all's blade made the cut in each specific circumstance, but to my knowledge none of the original cavaliers died unwillingly. we learn that when there was violence and coercion, it was experienced by the necromancers, violence done unto them by the cavaliers that just keeps echoing. idk. i dont know where i'm going with this really i'm just thinking about it.

despite thinking she is following all the steps to the letter, Ianthe did in some way just go and invent her own version of Lyctorhood. for girlboss reasons.

[freewayshark]

Also like not that I didn’t think this already but the fuckers over on Twitter and, let’s be real, they’re here too, that have said they hope he kills himself can go fucking choke

[bookshelfdreams]

OKAY BUT

the way ofmd says "No, trust me, you really don't want to die."

Again. And again.

With Stede in s1, who doesn't have an answer when Olu asks him if he wants to live, who faces execution twice and both times says "I deserve this". It takes a literal gun to his head for him to realize that no, he does not want to die, and it takes going back to the environment that suffocated him - it takes killing his chance at happiness - for him to realize that YES. He wants to live.

And now we get this terrifying, heartbreaking spiral of destructiveness with Ed. He has a lot more insight into himself than Stede, he knows he wants to keep living, but not like this. Hasn't for a while, and when he tried to change, thought for just a moment that maybe life could be better - well.

It all came crashing down, didn't it. He thought Stede could love him, but he couldn't; Stede left. And he thought, maybe he could still build something new for himself, something away from the violence, a space where he could find safety, community, healing, maybe; but that failed, too. Izzy made sure of that. Because it takes just one well-aimed knife to kill the greatest of men and Izzy has plenty, and Ed doesn't want to die.

He just doesn't want to keep living like this.

Before he knew Stede, he may have been unhappy, but he was coping. But now that he knows how all that stuff feels like he thought he could never have - friendship, community - he can't cope anymore. He doesn't want to keep living like this, and he can't change his life into something more bearable because Izzy is standing at his back, knife at the ready.

(Oh and I do believe Izzy regrets that, wishes he could take it back and not just for his foot, wishes he knew how to ask Ed's forgiveness, wishes he knew how to tell him You can trust me)

So. What is there left for Ed to do?

Ed is increasingly unsubtle about what he wants, to a point where he literally hands Izzy a gun to shoot him, where he's practically on his knees begging to be mutinied. He realized change is impossible, so does he want to die now?

No. It's worse.

He wants someone to give enough of a shit about him to kill him.

If murder is the only intimacy he can get, his death is a price he's willing to pay. But he's not even getting that, no one will even kill him, what the fuck.

And. ofmd makes us look at it, all of it, all the self-loathing, the fear, the heartache. The pain. Makes Ed look at it, so he understands, so he can heal. Tells him,

That's a bit silly, eh? You don't even want to die! And people want you to live, you dummy.

Keep going. You have no idea how much better things are going to get.