#svu angst

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Holding on For Me ~Rita Calhoun xFem Younger!Partner!GradStudent!Reader (feat. Rafael Barba)

Summary— Rita gets hurt badly and ends in the hospital. Her two closest people, you and Rafael, come running. But you’ve never met each other, and now your partner’s and his best friend’s life hangs in the balance…

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: angst, then fluff, heavily implied physical assault, hospitals, near death experiences, bruising, implied scarring, crying, hyperventilating, implied anxiety attacks, happy fully ending, etc.

Enjoy (;

You rubbed your temples with a sigh as you stared at her dull computer screen and flipped the pages of your extensive notes. You was violently pulled out of your doctoral thesis research by the sound of your cell phone ringing. Eager for a distraction, you swiftly picked up the phone.

“Hi this is is Y/N!”

“Hello Ma’am. I am calling from Mercy Hospital, I have you listed as an emergency contact for one Rita Calhoun?”

Your heart dropped. Rita? What had happened? Was she okay??

“What happened? Is she okay??”

“She was brought in about 30 minutes ago… She’s currently in surgery, pretty banged up. I am just making my rounds and contacting her emergency numbers in case.”

“Ok thank you so much, I’ll be there in 15 minutes” you hastily replied.

As soon as the call had ended, you jumped up from your chair, your heart racing and your mind spiraling. You scurried around her apartment, collecting things that you or Rita might possibly need at the hospital, throwing all the miscellaneous items into a bag before storming out of the apartment. You were swift to hail a cab once out on the city streets, eagerly giving the address of the hospital. Was Rita going to be okay? What if they lose her before you got to the hospital?

The words hospital and surgery made your stomache sink. Your hands felt like they were going numb, and your mind seemed to only be able to come up with the worst possible scenarios on what could have happened to Rita. You bit at her lip anxiously, and you closed her eyes for the rest of the cab drive, too overwhelmed to bear the stimulus of sight at the moment. Did this have to do with Rita’s job? Maybe an ex-client or someone who’d threatened her? What was the last thing she said to Rita…??

As soon as the cab stopped outside of the hospital, you paid the driver and rushed inside the bustling ER doorway. You immediately found a nurse and asked about Rita, who led you to the waiting room for trauma surgery, a separate, more secluded area of the hospital. The nurse had not been able to tell you much, besides the fact that Rita was still in surgery. So you anxiously paced the little waiting room, biting your fingernails and feeling like you wanted to cry. ‘Pretty banged up’, how badly was her partner hurt? Why were you the only one here??

Memories of you and Rita flooded your mind. You remembered when you two first met, it was only a couple years ago, but you had grown so close since. You thought of all the late nights that you two had spent together, laughing and drinking until both of you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore. You remembered how much Rita worked, just how passionate she was about her job. And now in a matter of 15 minutes that could all be ripped away from you? Rita taken from so swiftly, so cruelly?

You approached the nearest nurses station and asked about your partner again. As you were trying to pry any and all information out of this poor young nurse, a man stormed into the waiting area. You had the slightest sense that she knew him from somewhere, but as he was pacing the room furiously, muttering certain choice words in Spanish, you couldn’t quite place it. Then the man came up to the desk where you were standing and spoke. What if these were Rita’s last waking moments…? How could you live with yourself if Rita didn’t make it…?

“Hi. Do you have any information about Rita Calhoun and how she’s doing?” The man asked rushedly.

Now that he was right next to you and after revealing he knew Rita, it clicked for you. This was Rafael, Rita’s best friend from her college years. The two had never formally met, you had seen a picture or two of him in Rita’s apartment (from the many nights that you’d had dinner and stayed over) and you had only heard about Rafael when Rita elected to talk about him. You knew that while they were good friends, there were wounds in their personal pasts, so you never pushed to meet him. Had Rafael and Rita ended on good terms in the last time they talked? Did he know if this was work related…??

“You’re Rafael…” you managed to breathe out.

You were surprised that you had even been able to get out one word with the lump in your throat. Rafael turned from the counter to face you, giving you a quizzical and slightly defensive look. How could this have happened? It had been going all so well, and now with a simple call, life has turned upside down…

“Yes. And you are?”

“Y/N. Rita’s partner.”

Rafael’s brows raised and his eyes glistened with intrigue. He seemed to decide that you were alright, because he sent you a confirming nod, before going back to grilling the nurse for more information. Had Rita been threatened…? Attacked? Taken??

Trying desperately not to cry in front of him or the hospital staff, your knees suddenly began to feel weak. Before you could catch herself, your legs buckled and you collapsed on the cold, hard, hospital floor. Rafael was quick to turn back towards you, giving you his hands to help stabilize your overstimulated state. Your weak form managed to make it to one of the waiting room seats, where Rafael promptly sat next to you. It was then that you noticed how much your entire body was shaking. Rita couldn’t die… No, she couldn't die… It just… She couldn't it…

“I… I didn’t know Rita had a partner.” He stammered aloud, breaking the silence of the two of you sitting in the hospital, both equally nervous wrecks.

You shrugged in response, not having the wherewithal to respond to that at the moment. Silent tears finally began to stream down your face, as you started to let it all out. You curled forward, holding your head in your hands as you sobbed for what felt like hours. How would you ever be happy again? You would never move on. You couldn’t. Rita was your everything… You couldn’t face losing her…

“I don’t know what I’ll… d-do if… If Rita…” you stuttered, not able to finish your statement, as your voice returned to choked sobs.

You felt a soft and gentle touch on your back, making you uncurl and meet Rafael’s own reddened gaze.

“Rita is one of the strongest, hard ass people I know. Ever since school… I have never seen a fighter quite like her. If anyone will make it, it’s her.”

“Thanks” you croaked out.

Awkward silence took the room, the only sound being the hustling and bustling of the hospital. Rafael eventually removed his hand from your back, as it began to feel like he was overstepping. But the second you lost that touch, you seemed to only feel worse.

“Do you know w-what h-happened…? Or w-why…?” You stammered out in a whisper.

Rafael leaned forward, his forearms coming to his knees with a heavy sigh.

“I know that she’s been facing scrutiny and backlash for the last case she took. but besides that I don’t know…” he breathed out.

You pulled your knees up onto your chair, wrapping your hands around your body for some semblance of control and comfort, as you let out a shaky sigh.

“S-so it is work related…?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, I’m sorry… Truthfully, I hadn’t talked to her since she took that case, I was the lead prosecutor and we… we had a bit of a fallout over it…” Rafael gritted out.

His defensiveness seemed to have vanished, all that being left being the vulnerable, close friend of Rita’s. His knuckles were white from how hard he was squeezing his hands.

“Christ the last thing I probably did was yell at her to get out of my office…” he confessed, looking down to the ground with shame and guilt.

“I… I can’t even r-remember what the last thing I said to her was…” you choked out through violent sobs.

Rafael looked up at your wailing and his hand came out, caressing your shoulder lightly. He squeezed your trembling form reassuringly.

“I’m sure you told her how much you loved her…” he softly comforted you.

“I don’t know… I d-don’t know…” you changed in a whisper, starting to rock back and forth anxiously in the seat.

“Hey. Take some deep breaths… She’s going to be okay.”

Your glossy eyes met his reddened ones and you two just connected. All because of Rita. You were so grateful that she had found a friend like Rafael. And Rafael was grateful that she had someone like you to support her as a partner. Suddenly you were both drawn back to the crushing reality by a nurse coming up to you with a file in hand.

Rafael immediately stood and walked right up to her, demanding answers. You couldn’t get yourself to stand, so you merely looked up at the two standing adults with pleading eyes.

“Are you family?”

You both nodded vigorously.

“How is she? What happened?? Can we see her…??” Rafael demanded.

“EMT’s responded to a Good Samaritan call who found her in an alley… The ambulance brought her here to Mercy and she’s been in surgery ever since. It was a little touch and go, she has a concussion, multiple lacerations, a four broken ribs, scattered bruising, and a shattered left forearm…”

Your mouth went dry at the nurses words and you couldn’t think as tears began to stream down your face once more. Your lip trembled as you bit it, attempting to stifle your sobs.

“Can we see here??” Rafael immediately asked.

“Yes you may see her, she’s finally out, and she’s somewhat awake. I’ll take you to her, But take it slow, she has a long road to recovery…” the nurse said.

Rafael let out a sigh of relief and he quickly turned to you. Extending his arm, he helped you up and down the hall towards Rita’s private room. The nurse let you in, closing the door behind the two of you.

Rita looked peaceful for a moment, lying in the bed, but as she began to wake up, pain flooded across her face. Practically all of her exposed skin was bruised and battered, the biggest being her black eye. Her eye widened as much as she could widen them at the sight of you and Rafael.

“Holy fuck…” Rita winced in pain as we tried to sit up.

You immediately rushed next to her, sitting at the edge of the bed. The older brunette leaned back again, giving up the idea of sitting up properly for her moment, instead meekly attempting to reach out to you with her right hand, and you eagerly met her more than half-way, taking her hand and kissing it over and over again as tears of joy steamed down your cheeks.

“Rita Rita… God I’m so glad you’re okay… How are you feeling…?” you whispered, continuing your love and tender assault on her hand.

“Hi baby… I’m… in a whole lot of fucking pain, but I’ll live…” she breathed out in confession.

Rita smiled lightly back. But even that seemed to hurt her, as she winced lightly again. Rafael was standing at the end of the bed with his hands in his pockets as he watched the two of you. His eyes softeners watching your dynamic, he scolded himself for being so goddamn stubborn. Because if he hadn’t been, Rita might have introduced him to you…

“Oh Baby don’t move, stay still. Doctors orders you need to rest. Don’t want you getting more hurt…” you pleaded caringly and with much love.

“She’s a stubborn hardass. Doctor’s orders won’t stop her…” Rafael teasingly cooed, meeting Rita’s gaze.

Rita rolled her eyes at her closest friend.

“Shut up, you idiot… Now come over here and hug me.” Rita shot back with the same teasing tone.

Rafael chuckled, looked down to the ground as he made his way around to the opposing side of the bed, releasing his hands from his pockets, the man leaned over and gave his friend a proper embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I’m so glad you’re alive” Rafael whispered to Rita, before retracting slightly, but staying close and gazing at her caringly.

Rita wanted to cup his cheek and pull him close, tell Rafi that it was all good, but her drugs were at a heavy dosage and soon they began to pull her back into unconsciousness.

“It’s… okay Rafaellll…—” she mumbled before dozing off.

Your gaze then met Rafael’s, coming to an understanding that neither of you would be leaving anytime soon.

~~~

Rita Calhoun Masterlist ~Coming Soon (;

[mlmxreader]

Guard | Elliot Stabler x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ "You don't need to guard me." "I do. I said nothing would hurt you again."With Elliot stabler please? ❞

: ̗̀➛ Elliot uses his holiday leave to stay with you when you get attacked by someone and no one does anything about it.

trigger warnings: ̗̀➛ swearing, violence, minor injury

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

Nobody was happy about it.

When it came out that you had been attacked in the streets by someone you had used to know and love, nobody was happy about it; they had to fight tooth and nail for something, anything, to be done to keep you safe but nothing ever came of it.

At least, until Elliot managed to find some time off and get himself to go on holiday leave; still, he wasn't happy that it had to get to that for something to be done.

When he spoke to your friends, they swore at him and cursed him, and he couldn't find it in himself to blame them; so he stood there, stiff as a soldier, and took it. His jaw clenched a bit here and there, some of the words cutting deep and long, but he couldn't blame them at all. It should never have gotten to that point. 

Never. 

After all, you were one of their own... kind of. Sort of. Your nephew went to the same school as one of Elliot's kids and they became friends after sitting next to each other during a few classes, and you had met there a few times thanks to various events and parents' evenings before beginning a long and deep friendship.

It was only natural that Elliot would feel so protective over you, and would despise the very thought of someone ever even considering hurting you. 

Still, he managed to make it to your place without causing any disruption; it felt like he was home already, dumping his coat on the back of the kitchen chair and fixing himself a drink.

He came to sit beside you on the sofa, taking note of the bruises on your face and the bandages on your arms; he clenched his jaw tightly, trying to keep his temper under wraps long enough to growl out the question.

"How you feelin'?"

You sighed, shaking your head as you tilted your head back for a moment, closing your eyes and trying your best to keep your voice even and steady. An audible gulp coming from the back of your throat. "Not fucking great, El, can't lie... been fucked around the bush a lot."

He nodded slowly, daring to reach out and, with great caution, place his hand on your knee as he licked his lips and did his best to think of something better to say. "For what it's worth, you won't be anymore."

You shook your head again, although it wasn't in disbelief or disappointment, it was almost... regret? Guilt?

"It isn't your place, though - you don't need to guard me."

"I do. I said nothing would hurt you again." He pointed out, his tone even but stern. Authoritative but not quite commanding. "The first... do you remember the first time something like this happened?"

You nodded slowly. "You didn't leave me for days."

"I made a promise," Elliot pointed out. "I promised you that nothing, no one would do that again..."

"But it did," you whispered, sniffling and running a hand down your face in hopes that it would prevent the tears from falling. "It did, El, and it isn't your fault, but maybe I would've been better off if they'd have finished the job."

He moved, getting as close to you as he could so that he could gently put his arm around your shoulders, keeping you close as he frowned and let out a harsh, deep sigh. "Don't talk like that. It wasn't your fault, and it wouldn't have been better if they finished the job. I need you, your friends need you... I- we want you around."

You didn't respond, just sighing heavily and doing your best to regulate your breathing for a moment as you chewed at the inside of your lip. "Thank you..."

Elliot didn't want to say it, he couldn't. He was never good at emotions, but there had always been some part of his heart that was tied to you, and it was breaking his heart to think that you were silently blaming yourself for being... for thinking of yourself as an inconvenience. He hated that.

It cut deeper than anything else he had thought of.

"Listen," he pulled away, clearing his throat. "Why don't I get us a pizza? Half and half?"

You nodded slowly. "You sure?"

"My treat," Elliot told you with a shrug. "I know a good place that does delivery. You find something to watch - just not that thing Olivia told you about."

You smiled weakly at his little teasing comment, sniffling loudly and grumbling. "Sorry if I got snot on you..."

He shook his head, waving his hand briefly. "I've had worse... and, erm, don't worry - I'll take the sofa."

You shook your head, almost desperate as you glared at him with pleading eyes. "No, please... no..."

"Hey," without even hesitating, he dropped to his knees in front of you, taking your wrists in his hands. "It's fine. It's whatever you want, okay?"

You nodded, clearing your throat. "Can you sleep in my bed? With me?"

"Sure," he agreed. "Anything. Anything you want."

You smiled weakly again, swallowing thickly. "Thank you... really, Elliot, thank you."

He gave your wrists a small squeeze, just a little reassurance. "I said I'm always here, didn't I?"

You sniffled, your head stinging as you did your best not to start crying again. "I owe you..."

He shook his head, daring to smile a little bit. "If you wanna pay me, you can let me call your work tomorrow - I'll explain everything, don't worry."

"You'd do that?"

"Sure," he shrugged, hesitating for a split second. "We're friends."

You dared to lean forward, gently kissing his forehead. "I love you."

Fuck. He wished it meant something else. Pulling away as he cleared his throat and offered a faux smile, convincing enough to make sure that you relaxed as he made his way over to the phone. His hands were shaking. Shit.

It was going to be a long few days, he knew that much.

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

good evening! thanks so much for reading, but while I have your attention: Huda & Sara are two 12 y/o children from Gaza who are in urgent need of funds rn so that they can seek refuge as well as medical care. if you have anything to spare, even if it's just £1, please consider giving to them. they do genuinely, honestly, need all the help that they can get.

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Hiya,

Do you think maybe you could write a Casey x Autistic!reader (not necessarily the same autistic reader from the previous ones) where casey snaps at reader after an interaction where reader thought everything was all fine and dandy, but things were in fact not fine and dandy (plus casey being under a lot of stress from work).

Ive had multiple social interactions where i get whiplashed because i thought i was doing all the right things and saying all the right things, but in fact wasn’t and getting scolded or teased (negative) about it…

-Ara

Hey, Ara! So glad to see a request from you! 💖 Every time you interact with any of my stuff, I'm like, "Oh, yay! Ara's here!" Ngl this one was hard to write. Mostly because I also have been in many social situations where I am trying so hard to do or say the right thing and end up messing things up for people I care about. There are a lot of things about being autistic that I've grown to enjoy and cherish, but this one... oof. This one's still hard. It's a little longer than my usual, but I hope it's what you're looking for! – illdowhatiwantthanks

They Go Low

Casey Novak x autistic!fem!reader Warnings: people being meanies, angst (resolved at the end though!), hurt/comfort-ish (?), explicit language (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 3.2k

Summary: It's the annual New York County Lawyers Association gala, and you're going as Casey's date. You're terrified of messing something up, socially and, well, when the worst happens...

You exhaled heavily as you stood in front of the mirror, adjusting your tie and your pocket square. You looked good, objectively speaking. You’d gotten a haircut the day before. The suit was custom-made and fit you like a glove. And Casey had helped you put on “just a little makeup, babe.” But you weren’t worried about looking good at the New York County Lawyers Association Gala. You were worried about acting good.

Casey came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your waist. She looked so pretty it took your breath away. Full evening gown, in a deep, forest green, with a halter top, which you loved because it allowed the dress to contrast against Casey’s hair. Rich and red and glorious and one of your favorite parts of her, even if she did get self-conscious about it sometimes.

“You look so beautiful, honey,” she said, planting a light kiss on your cheek, careful not to leave any lipstick.

“Not as beautiful as you,” you told her. You knew that parties like this should be fun. What you wanted was to be a perfect partner for Casey, to be someone worth showing off at an event like this. Casey already felt like an outsider at a lot of these events because she wasn’t New York law royalty like some of the others. She didn’t come from money. She’d worked to get where she was. Hard.

You’d come a long way in accepting autism as part of yourself, even come a long way in loving yourself for it, thanks in no small part to Casey. But small talk? With strangers? It wasn’t your strong suit. You wanted so badly to make Casey proud, but you always felt like you were subpar. Like there were whole levels of conversation going on above you. You could tell they were there. You knew you were missing things, but you couldn’t tell what you were missing.

You let out another shaky breath, fidgeting, trying hard to keep your fingers quiet at your side as you stimmed, practicing for when you’d be at the gala.

“Hey,” Casey said, turning you around to look at her. You avoided her eyes, but she bent her head a bit so you had to meet them. She ruffled your hair a bit, playing with the waves, with the fluff of it at the top of your head. “You okay?”

You shrugged. “Just nervous.”

“You…” she started, straightening your suit jacket and helping you with your cufflinks. Your heart swelled; you hadn’t even asked–she just knew. “...are charming and funny and sweet. You’re so smart. You’re a great listener. You’re good with people, even if you don’t think you are.”

You nodded, drying your sweaty palms on your suit pants.

“You’re gonna be fine, honey. Alex will be there. So will Liz and Rita. If you get nervous and you can’t find me, or I’m having to talk with other people, you can always find them. They know you and they like you.”

“Okay,” you conceded, voice shaky.

In the taxi, you played with Casey’s fingers–a nervous tick that she indulged. You liked the feeling of a fresh coat of nail polish on her nails, liked to press on it, but you were careful not to press too hard and ruin it tonight.

“I like this color,” you told her, brushing the pads of your fingers along her wine-red nails.

“Me too,” she agreed. “You don’t think it looks too much like Christmas? With the dress?”

You surveyed her quickly and shook her head. “No. It looks nice. You look nice.”

Your leg started to bounce as you got closer to the venue.

“Casey, what will I even talk about? The weather!? The Bill of Rights!?” You were starting to panic a bit, even as you tried to shut it off–it was Casey’s night. You did not want her having to take care of you during the NYCLA gala.

“Well, let’s make a list, yeah?” Casey said, taking your hands and flattening them between hers to relieve the tension you held there. “You can ask about where they’re from and talk about where you’re from. That’s always a classic.”

You nodded, determined not to need help this evening.

“You could ask what type of law they practice.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Casey, I don’t know anything about law.”

She nudged you with her shoulder. “Sure you do! I talk about work all the time. Just talk about the lawyer-y stuff you know from me.”

“Okay.” You were talking more to yourself than her. “Okay, I can do that.”

Casey squeezed your hand as you exited the cab. You took a deep breath, offered her your arm, and walked in, determined to make Casey proud.

And for the most part, you did alright. Casey introduced you around during the cocktail reception, and you figured out what to say. Your go-to was making people laugh. If you could just find an anecdote, just latch onto a story that resonated with these people, then everything became easier. Then it was just a routine, like giving a rehearsed speech instead of improvising every conversation.

You ate dinner, spoke cordially, if quietly, with the other people at yours and Casey’s table, and laughed in all the right spots at the program. You’d even managed to keep your stimming to a minimum.

But now the night was winding down. Groups of lawyers were scattered about the room. When you returned from the restroom, Casey seemed in deep conversation with a few other people, and you didn’t want to interrupt, so you went to stand by the bar, nursing your last cocktail of the night and trying desperately not to look awkward or out-of-place.

A tall man, imposing, but with a friendly face, approached the bar, ordered a dirty martini, and stood nearby. He nodded at you, and you nodded back.

“I haven’t seen you around before,” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t attend a whole lot of lawyer events,” you replied, taking a quick sip.

The man laughed. That had been one of your best lines of the night.

He introduced himself, extending his hand. “Trevor Langan.”

“Y/N Y/L/N.” You shook his hand, flashbacks of practicing a “firm handshake” with your dad in the back of your mind.

“So what brings you to the NYCLA gala, if you’re not a lawyer?”

“Oh, um, do you know Casey Novak? She’s in the Manhattan DA’s office?”

Langan’s eyes lit up. “Oh, sure! Casey and I go way back.”

You smiled, glad to have something to talk about, something you could talk about forever–Casey. “She’s my girlfriend.”

“Ah,” Langan said, tipping his drink toward you, as if in a toast. “Lucky woman.”

“Her or me?”

He burst out laughing and you tried to laugh along, too, even though it had been a genuine question.

“Good one.” He took a sip of his martini. “In all seriousness, though, Casey knows her stuff. She doesn’t crack. Hard to believe she’s human sometimes.”

Oh, now you could hit your stride. Casey as a person. You loved getting to show off Casey’s soft side.

“She’s great at her job,” you agreed. “Not that I know a ton about being a lawyer, but… she struggles, too, you know? Some of the SVU cases can be really emotionally difficult. Like, I know she’s working on one right now that’s really taking a toll.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, really? What’s the case?”

“There’s this serial rapist,” you explained. “Apparently, they’ve been trying to nail him for years. They had DNA evidence linking him to one of the rapes, but I guess the judge threw it out recently? Not really sure why… But Casey says there’s not a whole lot else to go on, so she’s been working really hard with SVU to dig up more evidence.”

“Huh,” Langan said, nodding toward Casey as she made her toward you both. “Sounds like it might be a lost cause.”

You shook your head, leaning into Casey as she placed her hand on the small of your back. “Nothing’s a lost cause with Casey. Right, honey? I was telling Trevor about that case you’re working on.”

Casey seemed to grow stiff beside you. “The serial rape case?” she asked, and you had to look at her face to confirm what you were hearing. She looked… angry? Scared? You couldn’t quite tell, but it was some flavor of upset. Maybe she was still worried about the case…

“Yeah,” you confirmed, hoping to lift her spirits with a little optimism. “You know, about how hard it is right now because the judge threw out the DNA, but that you’ve got it because you always do.”

She gripped your hand tightly, so tightly it almost hurt, and glared at Langan. “That’s fucking low, Langan. Even for you.”

“Just business, Casey,” he said, holding up his hands in defense.

You felt so deeply confused. Something had gone terribly awry in this conversation. Maybe Casey and Trevor Langan weren’t friends after all?

“You’re an asshole,” she spat at him. “She doesn’t know any better.”

Okay, so they were talking about you. Your mind raced back through the conversation, trying to figure out if you’d said something wrong.

“Yeah, honestly, Novak, I wouldn’t have put you two together,” Langan observed. “I don’t know that she’s quite in your league. You know, mentally.”

You blushed furiously. You got the jab on that one, or at least the implications of it. That you didn’t deserve Casey. Which might be true, but it still hurt for someone else, someone who barely knew you, to see it and say it.

For her part, Casey looked like she might clock Langan with a strong right hook. “Well, she’s way out of yours.”

And with that, Casey pulled you away, out into the brisk, New York spring night. You tried to catch her eye as she hailed a taxi, but she wouldn’t look at you. You were growing increasingly anxious. You’d fucked up somehow. You knew it. You could tell. And you must have fucked up badly or Casey wouldn’t be this mad.

She was quiet on the way home, fuming. And she didn’t hold your hand. She always held your hand. Your stims got more anxious, more obvious, along the ride. You wanted to ask her what was wrong. Wanted her to tell you what it was you’d done to mess everything up, but you were afraid to ask in front of the taxi driver.

You opened your mouth to ask as soon as the door to the apartment shut behind you, but Casey was faster. She was angry. Her face was red. And she was nearly crying. Casey never cried.

“Why the fuck would you tell Langan about that case, Y/N?!” she yelled, furiously kicking her heels off.

You felt your heart drop, panic run up your spine like ice. “I– I was just trying to talk about lawyer stuff.”

“Not that stuff! Case details!? Babe… this is just common sense!”

Your heart felt like it was being suffocated. Your voice was shaky and weak. “H-he said he knew you, that you went way back.”

Casey laughed and pressed her hands to her face. “Oh, yeah. We sure do. Way back.”

You were trying so hard to get what she was saying, but your brain wouldn’t quite make the connection. “I… I don’t understand, Casey.”

A tear streaked down her cheek. “Of course you don’t understand!” she railed. “You never understand!” She sat down heavily, rubbing her forehead. “He’s the fucking rapist’s defense attorney, Y/N! And now he knows we’ve got nothing!”

You felt like you’d been slapped in the face. In fact, you almost would have preferred Casey actually slap you in the face. Tears filled your eyes, and you knew you were about to lose it. Casey had been mad at you before, but not like this. And you knew you didn’t understand a lot of things. You didn’t catch social nuance. It went right over your head. But to hear it from Casey… Casey who usually made you feel like there was nothing wrong with you. You’d ruined something. You’d ruined something important tonight. You felt guilty, but more than that you felt ashamed.

Your hands twitched by your side, and your breath came in huge, desperate gulps, and you knew you were on the verge of breaking down. And that last thing you wanted tonight was for your breakdown to be another fucking thing that Casey had to deal with. Another thing for her to fix. You’d already given her enough to fix tonight.

“Be right back,” you said, because it seemed like something normal to say, and you didn’t want to just exit. You walked quickly to the bathroom and shut the door behind you, locking it.

You sat on the floor and curled yourself as tightly as you could into the corner where the wall and the shower met, pulling your feet to your chest. Suddenly, everything felt very tight, too tight, and you yanked off your tie and your suit jacket, unbuttoning your collar because you could barely fucking breathe right now. You held your head in your hands and rocked back and forth, trying and failing to regulate your breathing. You kept hearing Casey’s and Langan’s words in your head, as if they were on a constant loop, replaying in your mind’s eye: She doesn’t know any better. She’s not quite in your league. You don’t understand, you never understand!

You knew you were crying, but it wasn’t something you were in control of, just hot tears streaming down your face, just your heart beating so rapidly you didn’t know how to tell it to slow down. You’d fucked up. You’d fucked up so bad that you’d hurt Casey. Maybe you’d fucked up so bad that Casey wouldn’t even want to be with you anymore, and who could blame her? You didn’t even really want to be with you. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

You heard a soft knock on the door, but couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge it, let alone open it.

“Y/N…” Casey called, voice muffled through the door and through your heartbeat pounding in your ears. “Will you open the door, honey?”

You couldn’t respond, didn’t want to respond, felt worse for Casey having to worry about you now. As if you hadn’t already given her enough to worry about tonight.

And your rocking back and forth, your absolute spiral, stopped only when you heard Casey’s voice crack, when you thought she might be crying. And your instinct to take care of her took over your instinct to wallow in self-loathing.

“Please, baby,” she begged. “I’m so sorry. Just let me in.”

You scrambled quickly to the door and unlocked it, then scrambled back to your corner, huddling protectively, your body literally shaking. You were scared, you realized. You didn’t like being scared of Casey. If anything, Casey should be scared of you, and how’d you’d mess things up for her. You buried your face in your hands as you heard the door creak open. You didn’t want to meet her eyes, terrified of what might be in them.

You heard Casey approach you, could feel the shift in the air around you as she sat down next to you, the rustle of her dress as she adjusted it.

You were so anxious that you were gripping tufts of your hair. You weren’t going to pull it out, but it gave you something to grab, at least.

“Y/N, honey, can you look at me?” she asked, and you could tell from how thick her voice was that she’d been crying.

You shook your head, still rocking back and forth.

She exhaled deeply, then continued. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. You do understand, okay? You understand me. You understand when it matters. You didn’t do anything wrong tonight. It was a dick move by Langan.”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at Casey. You were suspicious of her. Casey always made sure you were okay. You could see her lying to you to try to make you feel better. You felt her brush a bit of hair out of your face and jerked away.

“Look, if anything, it’s my fault,” she continued. “I should have been clearer about what lawyer things to talk about or not.”

Now, this you couldn’t abide by. Casey making it her fault? No. You lifted your face, blotched red with tear stains and looked at her, and the way her makeup ran–clearly she’d been crying–it broke your heart.

“You shouldn’t have to fucking explain!” you cried. “That’s not fair to you, Case! I should just know, and I don’t because I’m fucking dumb!”

“Hey,” she said, her voice sharp as she grasped your face in both hands. “You are not dumb. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“Stop lying to me!” you pleaded, more tears dripping down your face.

“Look at me,” Casey said, her voice rough with emotion as she held your face even tighter. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You know what is wrong? That you have to act a certain way for all those people tonight to like you. That’s dumb.”

You tried to look away, but she only gripped you harder. Her voice broke and you wanted to cry even more, cry with her and for her.

“Honey, you are so smart,” she continued between gulps of breath. “And so kind. And you have such a special way of making people feel like they can be themselves. You know you make me feel more loved than anyone ever has? You remember everything about me, everything I say. And you listen and you notice things and you… you make me feel like I’m who I’m supposed to be.”

Your sobs had quieted a little, until you were just shaking now, hiccuping with the aftermath. “You are, Casey,” you choked out. “You’re perfect.”

“See that?” she said, smiling a little and wiping your face with her hands. “You are twice the person Trevor Langan is. You build people up, you don’t bring them down.”

You let Casey slide next to you, let her wrap her arm around you and rest her chin on the top of your head.

“I’m still so sorry,” you mumbled. “I fucked up your whole case.”

She sighed and chuckled. “Honestly, it was already fucked. And Langan would have found out sooner or later.”

You let out a shaky sigh and settled into Casey, your head tucked under her neck, ear pressed to her chest so you could hear her heartbeat drawing you back down from your spiral.”

She breathed evenly, running her hands gently through the short hairs at the back of your head.

After a few minutes, Casey kissed the top of your head and pressed her hand to the side of your face, holding you close to her chest. “I love you, you know that?”

You nodded, snaking your arms around her waist and burying your face in her neck. “I love you, too.”

[slightlygaywritesslightlytoomuch]

Olivia benson x fem!reader

FREE PALESTINE

Angst

(Credit to owner)

The scent of burnt coffee and regret hung heavy in the air of Olivia's apartment. Two years. Two whole years had passed since the fight, a stupid, petty argument that escalated into a chasm Olivia never thought you'd willingly jump into. You called her a workaholic, her nights spent hunched over case files a constant reminder of how little time she had for anything else. You, with your fiery spirit and infectious laugh, deserved more than that. Olivia, in a fit of exhaustion and frustration, had thrown it back, words laced with the bitterness of a job that chipped away at her soul piece by piece. "Then maybe you should find someone who has time for you!"

You slammed the door on your way out, the echo of it reverberating in Olivia's ears long after you were gone. She called, texted, left desperate messages on your voicemail, hoping, praying you wouldn't disappear like smoke. But disappear you did. No forwarding address, no trace on social media, your phone number disconnected. You vanished like a ghost, leaving behind a gaping hole in Olivia's life.

The days blurred into weeks, weeks into months. Olivia threw herself into work, the familiar sting of righteous anger and the hunt for justice a poor substitute for the warmth of your hand in hers. She saw traces of you everywhere – in the coffee shop where you always ordered your extra-sweet cappuccino, in the park where you used to steal glances at the stray dogs, in the bookstore where you'd lose yourself in detective novels. Each time, a jolt of hope would momentarily flicker, only to be extinguished by the crushing reality of your absence.

Then came the call. It was a cold, rainy November night, the city slick with the first kiss of winter. Elliot's voice crackled through the line, a raw urgency in his tone. "Liv, you gotta get down here. Warehouse raid. Russian mob. We found girls."

Olivia's throat went dry. Human trafficking. It was an all too familiar story, a stain on the city's soul. But the case didn't register fully, not yet. All she could think about was girls, young lives stolen, innocence shattered.

The warehouse was a desolate, concrete tomb. The air hung heavy with the metallic tang of blood and the despairing whimpers that echoed from behind the heavy metal doors. Olivia and the team kicked them down, a cacophony of shouts and flashing lights filling the cavernous space.

The girls were everywhere. Huddled in corners, eyes wide with terror, their bodies frail shadows under layers of grime. As Olivia moved through the room, a primal instinct kicked in, a fierce protectiveness that burned through the years of jaded detachment. She knelt before a young girl, barely a teenager, tears tracing dirty streaks down her pale cheeks. The girl flinched instinctively, eyes downcast.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Olivia murmured, her voice soft and soothing. "We're here to help you now."

A gruff voice interrupted. "Liv, you need to see this."

Elliot stood by a makeshift bed in a back room, his face grim. Olivia followed his gaze. There, on the threadbare mattress, lay a figure draped in a tattered blanket. It was you.

The blood drained from Olivia's face. Your face, pale and gaunt, was framed by matted hair. Your once vibrant eyes were closed, your breathing shallow. A choked sob escaped her lips. How? Why?

Elliot noticed her reaction, his eyes instantly filled with understanding. "We need to get her to the hospital," he said, his voice gruff but kind.

The sterile white of the hospital room felt like a slap. Olivia sat by your bedside, a vigil kept through the long night. Machines beeped rhythmically, a constant reminder of your fragility. Hours turned into days, and finally, your eyelids fluttered open.

Confusion clouded your gaze for a moment before recognition dawned. Your eyes widened, a flicker of fear giving way to disbelief. "Olivia?"

Her voice was a hoarse whisper, but to Olivia, it was a symphony. "Yeah, it's me. You're safe now."

Tears welled up in your eyes, spilling down your cheeks. You tried to speak, but your voice was weak. Olivia leaned closer, catching your words.

"You left," you rasped, your voice tinged with accusation.

Olivia flinched. "I..." she started, the words catching in her throat. Shame and regret were a bitter cocktail in her mouth.

"Don't," you cut her off, a flicker of your old fire returning. "Just... tell me what happened."

It poured out of her then, a torrent of words – the fight, the desperation, the months spent searching for you. You listened in silence, With a tear slipping down her cheek, Olivia reached out and grasped your hand, her touch sending a jolt through you. The years of separation melted away, replaced by a raw vulnerability that left you breathless.

"I was so stupid, Y/N," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. "Work consumed me, and I took you for granted. I never thought you'd leave."

You squeezed her hand back, a silent understanding passing between you. The hurt of the fight was still there, a dull ache in your chest, but seeing Olivia like this, broken and filled with remorse, softened the blow.

"I said some pretty awful things too," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "I shouldn't have stormed out like that."

Olivia's eyes met yours, a flicker of hope igniting within them. "Can you ever forgive me?"

The question hung in the air, heavy with unspoken longing. You looked at the woman you once loved, the woman you realized you never truly stopped loving. The past two years had been a nightmare, a desolate wasteland devoid of her warmth.

Taking a deep breath, you reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The gesture was small, intimate, a silent promise.

"I already have," you murmured, your voice thick with emotion.

A choked sob escaped Olivia's lips as she leaned forward, burying her face in the crook of your neck. Tears streamed down her face, hot against your skin. You held her close, whispering words of comfort, the silence of the hospital room broken only by the soft beeps of the machines and the rhythm of your intertwined breaths.

As the days turned into weeks, you recovered slowly, your body healing alongside the fractured pieces of your relationship with Olivia. The nights were filled with whispered confessions, apologies, and the tentative rebuilding of trust. You spoke about your ordeal, the horrors you witnessed at the hands of your captors, the despair that threatened to consume you.

Olivia listened patiently, her arms wrapped around you, a silent shield against the encroaching darkness. She held you close as you cried, her presence a source of strength and solace.

When you were finally released from the hospital, Olivia took you back to her apartment. It felt different, the emptiness replaced by a sense of cautious optimism. There were nights you'd lie awake, the echo of the past lingering in the air, but Olivia was always there, a comforting presence by your side.

One evening, as you sipped tea on the fire escape, the city lights twinkling below, Olivia turned to you, her eyes filled with a newfound determination.

"We'll get through this, together," she said, her voice firm. "You and me."

You met her gaze, a smile gracing your lips. "Together," you echoed, the simple word holding the promise of a future rebuilt, stronger and more cherished than ever before. The fight that tore you apart had left its scars, but it had also shown you the strength of your bond, a love that even the darkest of nights couldn't extinguish.

[svuobsessed]

SVU team X Autistic Victim teen reader

Literally started watching Law and Order SVU yesterday and fell in love with the show well the sixth season at least.

This will be my first ever L&O SVU one-shot.

Summary: The team are called in after a Teen was beaten up by two other students.

Third person pov...

The smell of the hospital woke Y/N L/N up, they had always hated the smell of the rooms it made their sensory issues skyrocket.

Opening their eyes they are meet with bright white lights, groaning they close their eyes again, sitting up carefully being mined full of their injuries.

Slowly the teen opens their eyes again, this time the light was not as bad, Y/N looked around the spacious room, the teen was alone in the room.

They could not remember anything, rocking slowly trying to calm down they wracked their brain for something but could not remember. "Stupid stupid, what the hell happened to me" they shout smacking their head as they started to freak out.

As they were having a meltdown the doors opened and in came Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler. "Y/N what's wrong sweetie?" Calls Olivia as they rushed over to the teenager.

Hearing voices they did not know made Y/N look up and crawl out of their bed as they stood searing pain shot through their head groaning in pain they wobbled; Olivia grabbed the teen to stop them from falling.

Instead, they struggled in her hold trying to get away from her. "Stop let go off me" they yell eventually Oliva let them go. The teen crumpled to the floor against a wall rocking back and forth hands in their hair trembling all over.

Olivia and Elliot look at each other. "What the hell happened there?" questions Elliot watching the distraught teen work they way through a panic attack. Suddenly the doors opened it was Y/Ns parents, outside the room they answered the twos questions. "Y/N is autistic which is why they reacted that way, the new room and new people triggered them into a meltdown" explained Y/Ns dad as he held his wife.

Crying the woman looked at the two detectives "what happened to our child, why where they attacked" she cried, Olivia and Elliot look at each other before telling the two.

During Y/Ns 4th period lesson they left the classroom for a breather as they got overwhelmed, as they did the teen was followed by two students. 15 minutes later the two students walk back joking and shoving each other in the hall, Y/N know where to be seen.

Lucky for them the janitor was passing by and found them unconscious and beaten up, at the end both Y/Ns parents wanted to press charges but could not without Y/N present.

Days later Y/N had woken up again in the hospital this time a lot more calm and not as anxious. The 13 year old was sat up in the bed, they had a bandage wrapped around their head their attackers got in a few good swings to their head.

The teen also had bruises on their arms, they had tried to protect themselves from the attack though being surprised, the door to Y/Ns room opened the teen turned their head, it was the detectives from before.

Sitting up they continued to look off sideways as the two detectives approached the H/C Haired teens bed. "Hi Y/N, I'm Olivia this is Elliot" she introduces them. Y/N does not look at them but nods.

Elliot looks at the teen and stands closer. "Y/N we wanted to ask some questions about the day you were attacked?" he asks the teen, sighing the teen turns their head to look at the man.

"I didn't see their faces" they whisper, the adults could tell they were lying by the way their voice cracked, the two detectives eye each other before Olivia sits next to Y/N on the bed.

"that's a lie sweetie and you know it" she tells them gently, Y/N looks up at her tears in their E/C eyes. "I know, I can't tell I won't" they cry hands shaking in their lap. Olivia holds out her hand to the teen as an invitation to hold hers.

Two both hers and Elliots surprise the teen grabbed her hand squeezing tightly as they cried.

The team are stuck at the precinct Benson, Stabler, Tutuola and Munch all stand around the evidence board in front of them, it was filled with pictures of what happened to Y/N, the footage of the two students.

"That poor child, who in their right mind would beat someone for being different" says Munch as he stares at a picture of Y/Ns injuries pissed off. "Your right partner, little shits" Fin pats the man's shoulder.

On the desk next to them stand Olivia and Elliot. "If only we could persuade Y/N to tell us their attackers" says Elliot slamming his hand down on the table, Oliva sighs and looks at the forage. "We can't push the, they are already traumatised enough" as the team stand around someone pats Elliots back.

This scares the man; he had not heard any footsteps telling him someone was there. Turning around he was shocked at who was there. "Y/N" the name made the others turn around.

Behind Elliot stood their 13 year old victim, the teen had numerous bandages around their arms and head, headphones around their neck and a small stuffed toy. "I'm here to report an assault" the relief on the faces of the detectives is seen.

Olivia stands from her chair and beckons the teen over. "Come on sweetie, I'll take you to an interview room" she takes the teen to an unused room, the teen looks around and sets their bag and stuffed toy on the table.

Munch and Fin are disgusted at how the arseholes beat up Y/N, turning to Elliot they see a pissed of look on his face. "Those bastards" growls Fin, Munch agrees "they deserve to be locked up for good" he says, Elliot follows after Y/N and Olivia.

Hours later Y/N had told the two everything that had happened to the over the past year, they had been beaten up before by the same kids but not so bad they had to go to the hospital, lucky for Y/N both attackers were charged with category 1 of grievous bodily harm with 26 month in juvie with 100 hours of community service.

Y/N was more than happy with the charges, their parent profusely thanked the SVU team for their help.

The end!

I plan to skip most of the court parts because I know nothing about how they work so sorry I only really know about the kind of charges you can get, anyway sorry for any grammar and spelling mistakes.

Requests are open!

Word count: 1171

[itwasrealtome]

THIN ICE

Olivia Benson x fem! reader

⚠️ DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU

ANGST | Olivia Benson x fem! detective reader | Masterlist

Summary : Detective Y/N Y/L/N, part of Olivia Benson’s Special Victims Unit, faces a life-threatening situation during a suspect’s arrest, chasing this one into an ultimate falls to his death. Injured but alive, Y/N finds herself in an hospital room, receiving stern words from Olivia about her reckless actions.

Content Warning : Mention of stimulants to stay awake | Mention of a breakup | Mention of police work | Mention of jumping off a building | Some police man being a jerk | Usual SVU talk : Abuse, murder, violence, weapon and kidnapping | Y/N getting into a fight | People falling from a building | Injuries | Death | Hospital | OLIVIA BEING MAD | HEARTBREAK

A/N : Hello my loves. I'm finally sharing this first Olivia X reader with you. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. There are a few people I can't identify in the taglist, I'm sorry.

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This afternoon, the streets seemed even more crowded than usual. The vehicles flooded the roads, coming from every corner and blocking the main way out.

Behind a queue of about ten of them, a police car came to a sudden halt. The alarm was on, and the blue and red flashing lights blinded anyone who looked in that direction.

But no one moved.

Not even the sound of a horn persuaded the citizens of New York to get out of the path.

Amanda’s grip on the wheel only tightened. She had never been able to understand the reason behind people’s insensitivity to this kind of thing. It was such an easy thing to understand. Besides, someone’s life often depended on it. Yet, there she was, turning furiously midway, her partner gasping in surprise, her shirt now stained with hot coffee.

— Dude, can’t you just warn before doing that kind of thing?

The blonde gave a brief glance to her passenger. She expected to find her glued to the door, her fingers clenched around the top handle, but she didn’t.

Y/N was desperately trying to absorb the contents of her cup on her worktop. The wipers provided with her order, finally finding their use.

While most people would have been annoyed about staining a piece of clothing, the young detective was not. She seemed much more upset about losing a few drops of her beverage. The former could still be replaced, but the latter was definitely needed.

— Sorry about your shirt.

— Yeah, well you owe me a coffee.

The driver’s smile only widened when she heard her partner muttering complaints. She knew her well enough to say that it had nothing to do with that slight accident. It was cute. Of course, it was. But Amanda could see through it. She knew it had nothing to do with the coffee. Sure, the days were long and their job involved finding stimulants to stay awake, but Y/N was never acting like that. Something was different. And who better to notice than someone who practically lived with her?

— Sure you’re okay?

— Rollins, it’s just a shirt. I think I can get over it.

Amanda gave her a knowing glance. She expected this kind of answer from the young officer. Everyone knew what kind of person she was.

Committed, she was always the first to arrive at the precinct and the last to leave. She was practically married to the job by now. And though Kat had trouble following orders, Y/N did not. She was the perfect partner. Amanda couldn’t remember a time when Y/N had lost control. But these days, everything seemed to fall apart.

It began with a couple of small comments, here and there, a bit too harsh coming from Y/N’s mouth. Next up, her silence during the team talk was a concerning factor for Amanda. If anyone always had something to add to the investigation, it was her. This ranged from a simple detail no one had noticed, to scientific or sociological facts. It was often complicated to keep the detective quiet, so her lack of involvement was bound to catch the eye. That and the fact the blonde had seen her leave the bunks two mornings in a row at the exact same time.

Sure, it was just the addition of minor details. But the older woman’s gut was not wrong, not about this. Something was wrong with her partner. And it had nothing to do with a simple lack of caffeine.

— Oh, don’t give me that kind of look.

— But you’re not telling me the truth, Y/N/N!

Y/N huffed quietly. At times in her life, she hated being around people whose job was to investigate. She cursed them all equally. She just couldn’t help herself the last few days. Her anger was aimed at a specific and unique person, but that person being in law enforcement themselves, it was almost overwhelming to go to work every day. Time seemed to run too slowly there. The only moments she enjoyed were those outside the building. The cold New York weather allowed her to clear her mind and take a deep breath. And she always had something to do, after all the city never slept.

—Like you don’t keep anything to yourself, huh?

Amanda faintly spluttered. Everyone knew she had had difficult times, but she wasn't the only one. And now that she was honest with herself, she knew she had made mistakes. One thing’s for sure, she did not want her partner to replicate these.

— I made some mistakes, most of them I don’t want you to repeat.

— I seriously doubt you did this one.

That was all she could get out of the young detective. Amanda knew it as she watched her turn toward the window. The mere reflection of her face gave her a glimpse of what she was really feeling inside, a sweet mixture of anger and bitterness. Whatever the problem was, it wasn't something they could fix with a drink. And this worried the blonde even more.

— Just promise me you won't do anything stupid.

These words captured the passenger's interest again. She arched an eyebrow at her partner, a smile forming at the corner of her lips. Knowing their duo’s dynamics, she had dozens of retorts on the tip of her tongue, all of them a little more mischievous than the last. Instead, she just shook her head gently. Amanda didn't have to know how upset she was about the whole thing. She didn’t deserve to worry so much. And Y/N certainly had no right to be such a burden to her partner.

— Like what? Jumping off a building? y/n chuckled at the blonde’s glare. Relax. I won’t do anything of that kind, I promise.

At that very moment, the young detective genuinely meant it. She had not gotten up with such an idea in mind. If jumping off a building was regarded as a very stupid gesture, she considered her routine more so.

It was in the way the precinct’s bunks were beginning to feel like home. And how she spent every second of her days with the badge on her waist. She had no idea when she had last stepped into her apartment for more than a shower. Her desk was overflowing with paperwork and books in which she always found a way to bury herself. It was much more than a way to distract herself. At all costs, she avoided raising her head, out of fear of meeting the gaze that froze her every time. The path she was on was, for that matter, significantly more dangerous than whatever stupid thing Amanda was thinking about.

But she could not say that to her.

To anyone, actually.

— Weren't we just called to make sure that this jerk wasn't prowling around the residence?

In any other context, Y/N would have felt like a fool. Her back nearly arched as she tried to make out what was going on in a street they weren't even close to yet. She may have lacked sleep and insight into her personal life, but her cop intuition never failed her.

— You'd be sure of that if you'd listened to a single word the captain said.

— Something’s wrong.

Amanda brought them to the next intersection before momentarily stopping the car. The sight over her partner’s shoulder sent a chill down her spine. Despite years of experience, she couldn’t help but feel a rush of adrenaline every time. The crowd of cops down the street certainly wasn’t helping. They were everywhere. Mostly hidden behind their vehicles. But their vests did not go unnoticed and neither did their weapons pointed at a specific target.

— Crap, I hate when you’re right about this stuff.

— Hum…what was that you were saying about our captain again? y/n faced her friend with a teasing smile on her face. She couldn’t help herself. Always listen to what sh–

The sudden acceleration of the vehicle silenced Y/N. She felt grateful once again that her belt was keeping her safe. No day went by without her being in some kind of danger, but she never thought she’d have to worry about dying while Amanda was behind the wheel.

— Would you please stop doing that? cried the younger detective, her hands still clutching the top handle. And since when do you drive so badly? Damn it.

— Guess now you’ll stop driving like a maniac if I let you get behind the wheel.

The door swung shut before she could react. She stepped out of the car herself and walked over to Amanda. A vest was tossed in her face before she could even think about opening her mouth. But anyone who thought she would have given up so easily was wrong.

— I do not drive like a maniac.

Her friend gave her a knowing look as she closed the trunk. Now was definitely not the time to have this kind of conversation, but Amanda was glad her partner hadn’t lost everything that made her the person she was.

She was relentless, both in her work and in her personal life. To be defeated by a suspect in an interrogation room was a rare occurrence. Within the profession, many officers wondered about her career choice. They could imagine her leaving the field to terrify judges in a courtroom. Perhaps because they were themselves scared to death to face her. Seeking victory in a debate with a woman like Y/N was a waste of time. She knew when she was wrong, and would always acknowledge it. Nevertheless, she also knew when she was right. And in those moments, Amanda was the first to grab a bag of popcorn.

— That you do.

The detective’s hands found the velcro on the vest from memory as she was too busy glowering at her friend. The protection weighed on her shoulders. It was almost enough to give her a reason to fall apart. That, and the weight of life that was beginning to take its toll on her.

Slightly defeated, she stomped over to Amanda to catch up with her. She knew the other detective was right. Her anger was evident in the way she drove. Since then, she was assigned the role of co-pilot. It was okay. But she loathed being deprived of her usual distraction. It was starting to loop in her mind. She needed a way out.

— Detective Rollins and Y/L/N, Special Victims Unit.

Amanda shoved her badge in the man’s direction, half-expecting him to tell her to piss off. He dominated the scene with his large stature and a rank evident to all. The rookies were following his orders and keeping their mouths shut. Something that obviously wouldn't work with Olivia Benson-trained agents. He didn't seem to mind, guiding the two detectives as close as possible to the scene. But then, the mere idea of having to send men into the building made him raise his chin in an authoritative, disapproving manner.

— Our only witness is trapped in this building, Rollins began the fight, finger pointing accusingly. I don't care how, I want that man in custody.

If one of them had looked up for even half a second, instead of fighting over who had the biggest –which was obviously Y/N in this situation– they might have been able to stop the young detective in her tracks. Amanda had had enough of listening to the man's whining as he waved his rank in her face. And her colleague, the one she was supposed to look after, was tired of simply waiting.

As discreet as a mouse in the middle of the city, Y/N circled the building and quickly found a fire escape. It wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind when the impulse to walk into the building first came to her, but she couldn't really say she'd given it much thought. With a bit of imagination, and a little help from a trash container, she managed to pull herself up to the top. Now, maybe that was the beginning of a crazy idea. She could already imagine her partner and captain scolding her - if, and only if, she managed to get out of there alive and intact.

At the top of the stairs leading to the third floor, the detective stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of their suspect's agitated voice.

Thomas Patterson, 45, suspected of having violently abused his wife before killing her, and of abusing his stepdaughter - Johanne Morales. The man's profile was clear: a respectful-looking husband and father-in-law, loved by all, carefree, but once the door was closed he turned into a control freak with urges he simply couldn't escape. He clearly hadn't planned to kill his wife. The autopsy had revealed signs of haste and mistakes that a man like Patterson would never have made if he had prepared properly. But he had made mistakes. His blows had been too violent, Johanne had interrupted him, and he'd had to finish the job quickly - too quickly, in order to hide his crime.

Y/N had studied his profile carefully. That's what she did best, that and avoiding her captain. She knew he was restless, nervous, ready to do anything to cover up his actions. The final piece of the puzzle was to eliminate the only witness, the one who would go all the way to court to see him take the fall. She had an advantage over him. She was there, so close to the goal, and he was unaware of her presence. At least, that was until Amanda's voice came through the radio.

— Y/L/N, you've got two seconds to get your butt over here.

The young detective could have banged her own head against the wall. Boy, had she been stupid on that one. She clenched her jaw, the urge to bite her fist growing cumbersome as she prayed Thomas hadn't heard. But he definitely did.

A front door opened slowly, the creaking hinges betraying the building’s condition. The man was probably armed, the sound of the guard echoing in the empty corridor. Each of his steps shook the wooden floor and sent a current of adrenalin through Y/N's veins. He was getting closer. She could smell him and his perfume. Him and her fear.

As soon as he was close enough to round the corner of the stairwell, the young detective took this as her cue. She charged at the man, her hands reaching for the 9mm held firmly in his rough, bleeding hands. In a split second, the magazine slid out and collapsed on the floor. She sent it tumbling down a few steps with her boot, before landing a knee into the suspect’s parts. This only confused him for the briefest moment. He was on her again before she could even flinch. Her body hit the wall with a heavy thud, the vest shielding her body from the heavy impact. However, the man’s hands found her neck and tightened their grip, pulling her head violently forward and then pushing it back, slamming it against the concrete wall.

He repeated the motion twice more, the detective’s pleas of pain provoking a feeling he himself could not begin to describe. Y/N wasn’t done with him yet. He clearly wanted to lash out at a woman and had a nasty habit of underestimating them all. Only, today wasn’t his lucky day. He was forced into the apartment where he had deliberately tied up the young Johanne. It was his turn to bang into something. The dresser barely tilted behind him, but the vase crashed hard against the top of his skull. He felt the water run down his face, the smell of freshly bought flowers wafting through the air.

Back in a corner, Johanne tried desperately to struggle out of her bonds, her words puffed out by the duct tape over her mouth. She could only witness the struggle between her back-up and her assailant. Watching as Y/N unloaded all her pent-up anger on the man who had dared to cause so much harm. In one smooth motion, Thomas grabbed the detective’s gun, a triumphant glint in his eyes. Hope was soon lost, his chances of getting out of there alive and free close to zero. His opponent was relentless and had no intention of letting him slip away. His only option, he realized, a flash of light reflecting off the window, was to drag the detective with him in his fall.

Outside, Amanda was still arguing with the man in charge of operations. He hadn’t given up and neither had she. Only when, as the argument continued to escalate, gunshots were heard, followed by the shattering of a window pane, did they come to an agreement. The plan didn’t even have time to take shape before two bodies flew out of the building.

First, the blonde saw the man she recognized as their suspect crash hard to the ground, the collision knocking him down instantly. Then came a tremendous thump and the shrill sound of a car alarm. Straight ahead of her, on one of the patrol cars, had landed Y/N. The height of the fall meant that the roof of the vehicle had been crushed and some of the windows smashed. That wasn't what Amanda was most worried about. Her partner, the one who'd promised her she wouldn't do anything stupid – like jumping off the third floor of a building, was sprawled motionless on the broken glass, blood on the back of her skull.

— Oh my God, Y/N, in one stride, she was as close as she could get to her friend. Call an ambulance. Now!

For once, the man made himself useful, radio in hand, as he asked for help. He now stood with one, maybe two, even three victims to deal with if the detective didn't make it. He could already imagine the damage it would do to his career. Besides, he knew Captain Benson very well and had no desire to mess with her.

Needless was his worry. The more Amanda studied her friend, the more she realized how lucky she’s been. Y/N was simply stunned, staring at the New York sky with an uncharacteristic intensity. She began to laugh, full-throated, heartily. It was probably the adrenaline pumping again. Tears joined the party, leaving funny marks on her bloody cheeks. Suddenly, she remembered.

— Johanne. She's alive. Up there. Y/N looked up at Amanda expectantly. She needs help.

***

Captain Olivia Benson had seen enough in her career not to let anxiety get the better of her. She had been beaten, kidnapped, almost died and dragged through the mud in front of an entire courtroom. She had reached a point where facing certain types of suspects no longer made her lose her footing.

But someone was bound to make her lose it.

Briskly, almost to the point of knocking herself off her feet, she made her way through the corridors of a hospital she knew all too well. The distinctive clatter of her heels against the floor blended perfectly with the incessant beeping and distant hubbub of such a place. She wasn't there to see a victim, as she often was. Her hasty and agitated demeanor only aroused the suspicions of the medical staff who had crossed paths with her so many times. It wasn't just a professional matter.

It hadn't been for a long time.

When Olivia reached room 212, she didn't spare a moment's hesitation. One of her youngest detectives and latest recruit was sitting wisely on the edge of the bed, her legs wriggling in the air like a child's. A nurse was visibly busy behind her, dropping more and more glass flakes into her tray as she went. She leaned against the doorframe, arms folded tightly against her chest, eyes focused on the sight that made her stomach hurt in spite of herself.

She watched as Y/N's chest, covered in dried blood, continued to pulsate with every breath, as hematomas were already starting to spread across her face and torso, and as her plain face twisted in pain as soon as the nurse reached for another piece of glass. Just a few days ago, her first instinct would have been to rush to her protégé’s side and calm the agony she knew to be growing in her heart. But she'd vowed to keep her distance and stay in her current position: Captain Benson, unit chief.

All too quickly for the young detective's liking, the nurse finished her treatment and left the two law enforcement agents behind. Olivia had had the decency to wait until the door was closed before lashing out at her, which didn't stop Y/N from rolling her eyes. She'd already imagined this conversation - or rather, monologue - and knew she wouldn't come out of it unscathed. She'd probably lose her badge. No matter, she'd already lost her heart.

— Have you completely lost your mind? You could’ve been killed.

This was the cue for a lengthy sermon that she couldn't escape. The words left Olivia's mouth at a speed that seemed unbearable. She paced back and forth, her arms stretching out in waves of frustration and indignation, her cheeks rosy with emotion. She'd done some stupid things herself when she was just a rookie, but throwing herself off the third floor of a building had never been on the list.

— Are you done? y/n arched an eyebrow as Olivia finally paused. I saved a life today. While Amanda and that jerk were fighting over who had the biggest, which apparently I did.

— No, you refused to follow orders. Not only did you put yourself in danger, you put everyone's lives in danger. Heaven help us again that you were wearing your vest, otherwise it could have been a lot worse.

— I don't know why you care so much, you're just my boss!

Although these words were intended to hurt Olivia, it was Y/N who took the brunt of the blow. It was one thing to know that their relationship had been reduced to this, but it was quite another to admit it in person. The brunette was no longer entitled to worry so much, to ask her to watch out and send her a text as soon as she got home. Whatever had been was no more.

— Right, Olivia broke into an almost scoffing snort. Let me tell you, as your captain, that you won't be leaving the precinct for a long time.

— You’re benching me? Liv, you can’t do this!

— What you did was completely irresponsible. You don't want to follow orders, fine. But you're not leaving this desk without my permission.

The young detective had been holding her breath for a long time– far too long. She'd spent days avoiding conflict, lamenting in her corner, mourning the end of a story she'd thought would last forever. It wasn't just about what had just happened, it was something else, something more personal. She felt as if Olivia had no idea how to express her concern, as if her only option was to play the role of the big bad boss. But she was tired of hiding, of running away, of avoiding confrontation.

— Breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, uh? She rose from the bed, hastily putting on her jacket. If you want me to leave the squad, just say so.

For the first time, she faced her head-on. Head held high, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, ready to stand on tiptoe if that would help reach the brunette's height. She faced those brown pearls with all the courage she had left, her own eyes misty with tears she'd never let flow. This was it, so close yet so far, two souls who knew each other becoming strangers once again.

Olivia reached out with a last ounce of regret, brushing away a tear that had escaped down the young detective's cheek with the tip of her thumb. Her heart urged her to do more, to embrace this bruised woman, to bring her all the comfort she needed. She wanted to take Y/N home, wrap her in one of her shirts, tell her how much she loved her. In another life, where they were just two soul mates, where Olivia didn't have to worry about repercussions, whatever they might be. This was where she could find comfort.

— Go home. Take a few days. Get some rest. We'll talk about it when you get back.

The New Yorker had rarely seen a face shattered in a matter of seconds. Her words had urged Y/N to free herself from her hold, her head heavy and spinning from all the hassle and concussion she'd picked up from the blows. Her shoulder nudged her superior's as she walked by, a gesture of no little importance. She did not look back once to meet her former lover's gaze again.

Maybe she should have.

Maybe she would have seen the same love, the same tears, that Olivia saw in her eyes.

Maybe the ice wasn't so thin after all.

•••

Taglist: @electricboost @womenlovingwomen-imagines @hi-1-1-blog @emskisworld @enjoytheentireworld @arie109 @marvelandotheruniverseslover-adhd @philocalistwrites @wittygutsy @observeowl @ravennewlyn @tina-2005 @makkaroni221 @ssaaggwwaa @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @hbkpop @micaluvssoccer @idk-whats-wrong-with-me-blog @nciscmjunkie @moonlightjxuregui @thefatobsession @12fluffybunny12 @scarletwitcher97 @thesamesweetie @idonothingallday @clozeliz @realgirlbossqueenslay @l4yne @rain-mikaelson @fanfiction-24824 @sammi1642 @inquisitive-nix @namelesscheshire

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The Honeymoon Is Over

Alrighty! Chapter 10 of Dating App is here! Only reason it is done so quickly is cause it was mostly written. Also fair warning, I might not be posting as much in the coming months. I'm working more on my novel and starting a Masters in August. So, I might not have as much time for my fanfictions.

Also there are now too many chapters and I really can't be bothered to link all the chapters, but they're all linked on my Masterlist so head over there for the other chapters (Sorry guys). And as always feel free to let me know if there is a scene you would love to see with Chica and Rafael, or Chica and one of the other guys! Also let me know if you wanna be added to the tag list.

Also this is really where the timeline no longer exists. Cause obviously October Surprise happens in Season 15 and Carisi doesn't exist in season 15 but you know, this is fanfiction and I have the power....

Warnings: Sexual content, harassment (minor), Rafael being an ass, primal/prey (minor), pet names. I think I got everything but let me know.

Master List

Prompt List

Tag List: @pear-1206

2 Months Later

“Wait, wait,” you waved your hand. “Isn’t he a friend from when you were a kid?” Rafael nodded, the tense look on his face not leaving. “Oh, Rafi I am so sorry. This must be so hard for you.”

“Thank you,” he muttered still looking at the evidence Liv had given him. It looked like there was a lot of evidence against Alex Munoz, and it also looked like potentially he was using their other friend for his benefit.

“Is there anything I can do?” you asked twisting your fingers together. You had seen Rafael upset with a case before but it was nothing like this. He had been so…sad and angry since it started.

“No,” he muttered again not even looking up at you. You bit your lip, trying not to take it personally, this was a tough case for him and he was undoubtedly under a lot of pressure. But the illogical part of your brain didn’t understand that. You had dealt a little with your rejection sensitivity, but it was still difficult to handle when a person’s mood changed around you.

“I’ll make you some tea,” you whispered, taking one last look at his hunched shoulders before heading to the kitchen.

Reaching for the kettle you filled it up, wondering if maybe you should make him some coffee instead. He had been having a lot of late nights lately, becoming more and more direct, and even a little dismissive of you, so you settled on tea to at least try and coax him into sleeping at some point tonight. You wondered if maybe you should leave for the night after making his tea, you were clearly in the way and you didn’t want to bother him either. Maybe you could message Liv and Amanda, they might be able to help you to help him. They’d both known him for longer.

Rather robotically you went through the motions of making him his tea. Including making a little plate together with some biscuits you had baked together for him to snack on. Picking up the plate and the cup you slowly wondered back to his office, pausing at the doorway to try and gauge his mood. His shoulders where still hunched and tense, he was definitely clenching his jaw from the look of things. Quietly, then. And then you would leave.

You found a spot that was clear of paperwork and away from the risk of spilling on anything but in his line of sight. You resisted the urge to whisper to him, to wrap your arms around his shoulder and press a kiss to his temple. You weren’t sure how such actions would be taken at the moment. You had never really had to deal with Rafael when he got into a mood like this, you knew that this was something that would potentially come up in your relationship but you had just thought you might somehow know how to handle it. But now? Now that the moment was actually here you were not sure. Since this case had broken, Rafael had been different. Even with hard cases in the past he had never gotten like this, you still knew you could interrupt him and demand a cuddle or a kiss. But right now, right now you didn’t think that would be appreciated by him. Although you didn’t want to interrupt him, you also didn’t want to just leave without saying anything. In case that worried him.

“I’ll head home Rafi, please try and get some sleep,” you tried to force your voice to be controlled and normal but it didn’t quite come out that way. It was shaky and quiet.

“Sure,” Rafael nodded. He didn’t even look up. Breathing deeply, you just bit your lip and left. Stopping to pick up your bag and coat, casting one last look at his office doorway before leaving his apartment.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” you mumbled to yourself, biting at the skin around your thumb. “He’s just stressed with this case that shook up his world. It involves his childhood friend. Liv mentioned he could get like this. Brain this is not a rejection. It’s fine.”

After this case was over you thought it would be a good idea for the two of you to talk. You hadn’t really mentioned that you suffer from rejection sensitivity or that you were unsure how to handle certain moods. Which in hindsight, probably wasn’t ideal considering you were dating a lawyer. It just had never come up before because you knew going in that his hours were going to be insane and he might have to cancel dates, so it never caused your rejection sensitivity to flare up. It was the moods that did it. Being unsure how your presence would be taken.  

You really didn’t want to be alone right now but you also didn’t want to bother anyone, Lily was out of town, Courtney was doing a night shift and Shannon had had a long tiring day so she was already in bed, even though it wasn’t that late. You thought about maybe messaging Liv or Amanda but you figured they were probably just as busy and under pressure as Rafael was and you really didn’t want to bother them.

But almost as if their ears had burnt your phone rung, showing Liv’s contact.

“Hey, funny thing I was just thinking about messaging you,” you smiled into the phone, your tone a little less forced than it had been when you said goodbye to Rafael.

“Great minds think alike,” Liv chuckled. “I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink? This case is doing my head in and I could use some company that I haven’t been around all day.”

“Absolutely, I could honestly use a drink as well,” you agreed.

“Want me to come by Rafael’s to pick you up?”

“I just left Rafael’s actually, I’m walking to the subway, so I can meet you at our usual place?” you suggested.

“You left? Is everything okay?”

“I think I’d rather tell you in person, and you can tell me all about your day as well,” you informed her.

“Sounds good, if I get there first, I’ll order drinks,” Liv agreed easily.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll see you soon.”

You picked up the pace now that you had somewhere to be. You hoped it wouldn’t be awkward for Liv if you brought up Rafael’s mood and asked for help.

--

Liv was sitting in your usual spot by the time you got to your usual bar. She had two glasses of red wine and a bowl of chips sitting in-front of her. You beelined over to her, smiling in greeting as you took a seat, and a big mouthful of wine.

 “Hi, sorry, didn’t realise just how much I needed that,” you grinned a little sheepishly.

“Sounds like it, you finally meet grouchy Rafael?”

“Oh, I meet him in the three weeks where we couldn’t meet up when we first started dating,” you shook your head. “This Rafael is something else entirely. I don’t think he even heard me when I said I was leaving. He has barely looked at me the past few days, I feel a little like I am walking on eggshells around him which I didn’t get with grouchy Rafi, there I knew I could still pester him and it would be fine because he looked at me and I could see past the grouchiness.”

“He hasn’t gotten angry with you, has he?” Liv asked brows furrowed.

“No, but I sort wish he would so I would at least know if I was annoying him,” you shrugged. “Instead, he just mutters his answers and doesn’t really look at me, I don’t even know if he listens to me. I know that this case is different to every other case he has handled, since it involves his old friend but…I was prepared for the late nights and the missed dates but this…I wasn’t prepared for this and that’s…well…I’m not handling it.”

“Oh, sweetie,” Liv reached out grabbing your hand. “Have you tried to talk to him?”

“No…and I know that’s silly, we’ve been dating for six months now but, can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” Liv assured you.

“I have rejection sensitivity, and normally I’m pretty good at handling it,” you explained trying to get everything out in a rush, you never had to tell anyone this before besides your shrink. “Cause, I knew going into dating Rafael he worked long hours, so he might have to reschedule dates or be late to them, so I can handle that. I just wasn’t prepared for the kind of mood he is in where I’m unsure if I can be around him, or if I can say something. I just…logically I know that it’s fine but the thing is my logical brain isn’t what is in charge right now.”

“He doesn’t know?” she asked, sipping her wine.

“No, it’s never come up,” you shrugged. “I guess the “honey moon” phase of our relationship is about to come to an end.” You tried to joke.

“Do you want my advice?” Liv asked.

“Sure, and then we can talk about your day,” you offered, smiling over your wine glass. “You’ve known him for a few years, I was tempted to ask you but I didn’t want to make things awkward.”

“You wouldn’t, you’re my friend as well,” Liv assured you, reaching out to take a chip. “Alright the thing with Rafi is, he doesn’t always realise that he is being a bit of a dick. Even if this case is difficult for him, he shouldn’t be acting like you aren’t there. My suggestion is to tell him, and don’t back down when he gets defensive. He’s stubborn but he also cares deeply for you.”

“How defensive will he get? I’m not really good at conflict with people I care about,” you admitted.

“Pretty defensive,” Liv said honestly. “He can definitely be an ass I won’t lie about that; we have had plenty of fights since we met, but look just be honest and most importantly, don’t let him be an ass. Call him out on it and stand your ground, he’ll eventually realise you are right and apologise. That is the good thing about him, he doesn’t ignore the facts and doesn’t pretend that everything is fine after he acts like an ass.”

“Okay I can totally do that,” you nodded, sipping on your wine before munching on a chip. “I could just pretend he’s an obnoxious person in the library.”

“That could definitely work, Lily mentioned that you can be quite scary when you turn on your librarian voice,” Liv laughed a little.

“Alright, that’s my little bit for the night,” you sighed, propping your chin on your fist. “How’s your day?”

“Shitty, Nick and Rafael got into a bit of tiff over this, and the fact that Rafael told Alex that we were investigating him and had evidence isn’t great which also incensed Nick,” Liv groaned. “And there’s something going on with Amanda and Carisi, which is making it awkward in the office, and giving Nick something else to have an issue with.”

“You know your squad has enough drama to be a tv show,” you pondered. “I bet Finn is somehow enjoying this, isn’t he?”

“You’ve known him two months and you already know him so well,” Liv nodded. “And I could definitely do without the drama, but I do love all of them. Even when they’re being ridiculous.”

“I see why you needed to be away from them,” you finished the wine in your glass. “Want another one?”

“Yes, and another bowl of chips I think,” Liv nodded. “Thank you!”

You grinned getting up to go and order, your night started out terrible but it looked like it would end better. You smiled at the bartender when he placed the two glasses of wine in-front of you, telling you that the chips would be over to your table in a moment.

“I’ll pay for those,” a voice interrupted you before you could hand over your card. You turned to your left seeing a tall man in a suit smiling at you.

“No thanks,” you handed your card over, before moving the glasses a little closer to you.

“Oh, come on, a pretty lady like you shouldn’t have to pay for drinks,” he insisted moving closer to you.

“This pretty lady is happy to pay for her own drinks,” you assured him, trying to keep your tone even, wishing the bartender would hurry up. Conflict with strangers was something you could handle but you’d rather not cause a scene.

“No need to be so aggressive,” and there goes the tone change. “I was just trying be nice.”

You bit your tongue deciding to ignore him, smiling gratefully at the bartender when he came back with your card. You tucked into your pocket and picked up the glasses of wine, high tailing it back to Liv and away from the stranger at the bar. You had just managed to make it there and sat the glasses on the table when you noticed Liv’s face had grown tense.

“Liv?” you asked.

“Can we help you?” okay you had never heard that tone of voice from her before. It was fierce.

“Yeah, you can explain why your friend is such a bitch,” you spun around to see the guy from the bar standing right behind you. The look on his face had your instincts screaming for you to get away from him or fight him.

“Excuse me?” you demanded, the fight him instincts winning out.

“I was trying to be nice and pay for your drinks, and you were aggressive,” the guy seemed to be building up for a rant.

“You need to leave, now,” Liv demanded standing up, pushing her blazer to the side so her badge was visible. “And how about you don’t act like this towards women when they turn down your offer to pay for drinks.”

The man looked at Liv, eyeing her a little as if deciding this was worth potentially getting arrested. He glared at her and you before storming off.

“Okay, not gonna lie, that was kinda hot,” you gushed as she turned back to you. “I felt so safe just then. Like you were my knight with a shining badge.”

“Thanks,” she said lips quirking up a little in a smirk as she took her seat again. “I’ll gladly be your knight with a shining badge anytime. Although, you could also tell Rafael about this, watch him get all heated and go into lawyer mode, because that is also very hot.”

“I have wanted to see him in court but he doesn’t want me getting anywhere near the cases you guys have to deal with,” you shrugged.

“I can’t say I disagree with him, they do get quite bad,” Liv agreed. “But there are moments where I think you could watch; I’ll bring you sometime.”

“He’ll hate that,”

“Yeah, but I figure he probably deserves it,”

You giggled a little, so glad to have a friend like Liv. You raised your wine glass wiggling your eyebrows at her.

“To amazing friends,” you cheered.

“And to annoying their boyfriends!”

You cheered as you clinked your glasses together, Liv laughing more than she had all day.

--

You breathed deeply raising your hand to knock at Rafael’s door. Doing this after having three glasses of wine in a small amount of time was probably not a good idea but Liv encouraged you, saying that maybe having some liquid courage would help. And you couldn’t argue with that.

“What?” Rafael opened the door, glare firmly in place before it got replaced with a look of shock. “Chica?”

“Hey, um, can I come in?” you asked rocking a little on your feet.

“Sure, I didn’t know you had left,” he muttered looking a little guilty which was a nice change from the angry look on his face from earlier. Though it did hurt a bit to know that he truly didn’t listen to you or even notice that you weren’t in his apartment.

“Yeah, I kinda thought that,” you told him. “And is actually what I wanted to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? I-”

“No,” You interrupted him a little aggressively. “Because this is important, and it is about us. So, I hope you think it is important enough to take time out of work to talk about it.”

He looked stunned by your tone and the words you used, his mouth opening a little before it clamped shut, his face closing off and going blank. That face that you had gotten a little to use to seeing in the past few days, and you hated it. It made your blood boil now to see it when you asked to speak with him. Alright, from what Liv had said you guessed he was going to be defensive from the start but you would stand your ground.

“Of course, we are important,” he started. “But right now this case-”

“Is not more important than the fact that you have ignored me for the past three days,” you stated. “You have barely looked at me, you haven’t listened to me, which is evident since I told you I was leaving after I left the cup of tea and biscuits on your desk hours ago, and you said “sure”.”

“I-”

“I’m not done,” you interrupted him again holding your hand up. You had practiced what you wanted to say in the car ride over here, Liv listening as you stumbled over your words before you got firm in what you wanted to say. Though watching as the blank look on his face turned a little angry didn’t help but that wine was enough to override your issue with conflict. “You have been an ass, we’re partners, and I am here, and I want to help you but you have closed yourself off, which if that is what you need to do then fine but you can’t completely shut me out of your life. You can’t ignore me for days. You need to communicate what you need and how you are feeling.” You were about to add more but it seemed Rafael had had enough.

“I’ve been an ass really?” he scoffed. “Well, excuse me for needing to focus on this case. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this is personal. My childhood friend is being investigated. I can’t cater to your every whim.”

 “Cater? I don’t need you to-” this time you cut yourself off. Alright you would not turn this into a full-blown argument, you needed to get this back on track. “I understand that this case is important and personal on a level that no other case has been, I am not trying to argue that and I am not trying to diminish how you feel about it, but the fact is you haven’t spoken to me about it, you haven’t told me how it affects you, and your current mood makes me feel like I can’t be here, that if I were to so much as touch you or talk to you, you would get angry with me. Which is not something that has ever happened before.”

“I’ve spoken to you,” Rafael crossed his arms.

“No, you haven’t,” you shook your head. “Even with past difficult cases I have not felt like I was walking on eggshells. You have been an ass.” Liv said to not back down on the fact that he is an ass, so you planned to end nearly every sentence with the fact.

“Well, that’s not my fault,” Rafael insisted.

“Are you kidding me?” you shouted, finely losing it. “Did you listen to anything I just said?!”

“Yes, I was listening,” he snarked, arms uncrossing. If you hadn’t gotten worked up you might have noticed that his eyes were softening even if his voice wasn’t.

“God you are such an ass!” you cried voice breaking a little as your eyes started to fill with tears, this was one of the reasons you hated conflict with those you cared about. It resulted in tears; you were an angry crier. “I literally said you had been ignoring me and hadn’t looked at me properly in three fucking days! How is that not your fault?!”

“I really haven’t spoken to you in three days?” he asked, guilt starting to break through at the sound of your voice breaking.

“No, not really,” you whispered. “You muttered mostly one-word answers at me and sometimes you just grunted at me.”

“Or looked at you?”

“At first you did, but then you just looked at me for a second before looking back at the case notes and eventually never at all,”

“Shit, I’m an ass,” Rafael rubbed his face.

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to tell you that,” you chuckled wetly.

“I am definitely an ass, whatever I have going on with work is not an excuse for treating you so horribly,” he stated walking towards you but stopped just before he got within your space, opening his arms. “I am so sorry Carino. I can’t say it won’t happen again but I will say that I will work on noticing it and stopping it and listening to you when you call me out on it.”

“Thank you,” you smiled wiping at the tears as you stepped into his open arms wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “I promise to not let you get away with it for so long.”

“Good,” he whispered wrapping his arms around your waist and holding you close to him. “Thank you, for standing your ground.”

“Not gonna lie, it was tough, the wine I hold with Liv helped,” you confessed. “I don’t do well with conflict involving people I care about.”

“I do remember you mentioning something about that,” he nodded kissing your forehead.

“Since we are in a confessing all truth kinda conversation there is something else I need to tell you,” you said biting your lip. “I have rejection sensitivity.”

“Oh,” Rafael seemed a little unsure how to respond to that. “Sorry, what does that mean exactly?”

“For me it is more connected to people’s moods, sometimes if plans get cancelled last minute that can affect me but only if I am unaware it’s a possibility,” you explained. “With us, the plans aren’t too much of a big deal because I knew going into this relationship that it was a possibility so that’s fine. But if a person’s mood changes and I can’t pinpoint exactly why and if that mood is somewhat directed at me, I start to worry that I have done something, that the person is mad with me and all the bad scenarios start going through my head, like the person hates me.”

“Ah,” he nodded, kissing your forehead again. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I should have told you sooner but I thought I had a better handle on it and I, I just find it difficult to talk about, cause a few people in the past haven’t taken it seriously,” you stroked the back of his neck.

“I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and that even if I get defensive you are probably in the right and you should stand your ground,” Rafael grinned cheekily at you, causing you to roll your eyes a little, before that grin turned into a frown of confusion. “Wait, you had wine with Liv tonight?”

“Hm oh yeah, she called me after I left here and we had some wine and talked about our days,” you nodded, before your lips twitched, being really tempted to bring up the guy from the bar and honestly your friends said that makeup sex was the best, so you wanted to see if you could bring out full lawyer, protective boyfriend for it.

“Chica? What’s that look for?” Rafael tapped your hips with his fingers.

“Oh, well, while I was buying the next round this guy asked to pay for them,” you shrugged, biting your lip hard to stop yourself from grinning at the look that took over Rafael’s face. It looked like his eye was a second away from twitching, and you were a little worried about his teeth from how hard he was clenching his jaw.

“Really?” he ground out.

“Hm, I said no, and then he was all like a pretty lady shouldn’t buy her own drinks,” you nodded, innocently looking up at him from under your lashes as Rafael’s hands tightened on your hips.

“He called you a pretty lady?”

“Yep, I then told him that this pretty lady can drink buy her own drinks,” you continued. “He didn’t like that. Called me aggressive, and then he followed me back to the table where Liv was and called me a bitch.”

“He. Did. What?” oh he was seething now; this was a much different kind of anger than what he had moments before. “What was his name?”

“Called me a bitch and said I was aggressive for turning him down,” you shrugged, deciding to continue pressing his buttons. “Liv went all badass cop and it was kind of hot. And I didn’t take the time to get his name.”

You had the pleasure of seeing Rafael go from furious to confused to amused and back to furious. It was a little like whiplash but also really amusing.

“First, I’m getting Finn and Amaro to get the security footage from that bar and then run facial recognition to get the name of that bastard,” Rafael told you. “Second, I am then going to get a warrant for his arrest.”

“Rafi!” you scolded.

“Hush, not done,” Rafael tapped your nose before grabbing your hip again. “Thirdly, I’m going to ruin that man’s life. And finally, you’re not wrong Liv in full cop mode is rather hot.”

“She said the same thing about you in lawyer mode,” you mused. “Also, Rafi, you can’t ruin that guys life just because he was an arse who can’t take rejection.”

“I certainly can, I’m an ADA,” he countered. “And my best friend is a Sargant in the NYPD, and my friends are all cops, who adore you and would most likely help me with my plan.” 

“That I believe would be considered an abuse of power,” you pointed out drumming your fingers on his shoulders as you moved your hands down to be placed on his chest.

“I believe I don’t care,” he shrugged. “And once the judge meets you and you charm them, they won’t care either.”

“You know you’re putting a lot of power on my ability to charm people,”

“Chica, you got me to relent and admit I was an ass, quicker than anyone else,” Rafael told you as he slowly walked you backwards until your back hit the wall, his green eyes simmering with heat. “And that is including my mother.”

“Okay, that has to be bullshit,”

“Nope,” he said distractedly, as he eyes traced your face before trailing down to your neck. “Now, I do believe make up sex is traditional for couples who just fought.”

“Is that right?” you asked, slowly grinning as you relaxed against the wall and lifted your head a little to show off your neck, and pushing out your chest to draw attention to your cleavage.

“Chica,” he drawled. “Did you happen to mention that guy from the bar on purpose?”

“I would never,” you innocently claimed.

“Uh-huh, some reason I don’t believe you,” Rafael whispered dropping his lips to your neck. “But I’ll let it go.” He pressed kisses up and down your neck, peppering them along your collar bone and the top of your shoulder before bringing his lips back to hover over yours. “I’ll warn you though, I have a desire to mark you more than normal. Is that alright?”

“Fuck yes, Rafi,” you gasped as you felt a flare of desire burn low in your gut. Turns out turning on protective, lawyer boyfriend mode resulted in primal Rafael. And that was something you were a-okay with. “Mark me as yours.”

“Good. Girl.” He breathed as his teeth latched onto the crook of your neck, his tongue quickly running over the mark to sooth it followed by a press of his lips as he continued to suck on it.

You whimpered, grabbing onto him and lifting one of your legs to wrap around his hip and draw him closer. His hands stayed on your hips, holding them tightly almost enough to leave marks. But even with the more aggressive way he was marking you, there was barely any pain and what pain there was only added to the pleasure that was flowing through your body. This was something that the two of you had worked out early on in your relationship, you liked a little pain to be mixed in with your pleasure, especially if it was pain that came from markings.  

“I’m going to be so marked tomorrow,” you told him.

“Hm, not just tomorrow but the next day and the next day,” Rafael growled against your neck as he moved across to your other side to make an identical mark there.

“Ah, shit,” you moaned, hips rolling against his, rubbing against his slowly hardening dick. Grinning when you heard him groan against the mark he was currently making near your collar bone.

“Chica, keep doing that, roll your hips just like that,” he ordered, his hand moving down to grip the thigh of the leg hooked over his hip, squeezing it in time with the roll of your hips. He wanted there to be slight bruises on your thigh in the shape of his hand.

“Rafi, you better leave a matching mark on my other thigh,” you breathed. “You know I like to match.”

“I know don’t worry,” Rafael mused. “I’ll have plenty of time to mark up your other thigh.”

“Of course, you do love my thighs,” you giggled, gasping when Rafael licked up your throat. “What are you an animal?”

“So, it’s okay for you to lick me but I can’t lick you?” he demanded leaning away from your neck.

“Hush, less snarking more marking,” you ordered. He titled his head to the side, smirking as he gently lowered your leg and walked away from you, the lose grip you had on his shoulders allowing him. “Hey! Thought we were having makeup sex?” you pouted at him.

“Oh, we will, I just had an idea,” he stated hungry eyes raking up and down your body. You flushed, whole body going warm as arousal settled low in your gut.

“What is it?” you said shakily, legs going weak. The look on his face was near feral as his eyes dragged back to yours, your mouth opened a little as you nearly panted.

“Run.” He raised an eyebrow in a slight question.

“Green.”

“Then, run little bunny.”

Giggling you pushed away from the wall turning to run through the apartment, circling around the couch and running towards the bedroom. Just as you crossed the threshold you felt arms wrap around your waist tugging you tight to the body behind you.

“Got you little bunny,” Rafael’s voice purred in your ear. “Now you’re mine to with as I please.”

“Oh, such a shame,” you giggled.

Rafael licked a line up your neck before releasing you, his hands tugging on your shirt throwing it to the side before he spun you around by your hips.

“Finish undressing and then get on the bed on all fours,” he ordered in a rough voice.  

You whimpered softly as you obeyed him, your body shivering a little in anticipation as you positioned yourself on the bed.

“Keep your eyes forward, you aren’t allowed you touch yourself or me,” Rafael instructed. “It’s up to me if you cum tonight.”

“Yes sir.”

--

Two Days Later

“Is this in anyway about us?” you paused just before the door to Rafael’s office. The concern you had for him had only grown after your conversation a few days ago. Since he mentioned that he probably wouldn’t be home you decided to make him his favourite meal and bring it to his office. You had an idea of who that voice belonged to, and your heart picked up, since your conversation he tried to be better with not blocking you out, and that included opening up about everything.

“Yelina,” you knew that tone. That was his, ‘I am trying to remain civil but it is trying’ tone. You narrowed your eyes; you knew who Yelina was and you did not like her one little bit. You always tried to be nice to people but her, ooh when Rafael told you the story you wanted to punch her in the throat. And that feeling was something new. And right now, she was in Rafael’s office most likely trying to make Rafael feel guilty over what her creep of a husband has been doing.

“Papi, I know-” you tuned out what else she was saying as you saw red, she was not trying to flirt with him or imply that he has feelings for her. Hell no.

“Rafi, I brought you some dinner,” you walked right in through that door, right up to his side wrapping your arm around his waist, and under his jacket. “Oh, sorry I didn’t realise you were busy.” You turned and smiled ‘innocently’ at Yelina, your eyes taking her in. You guessed she was pretty, had nothing on Liv, Amanda or your three girls but she was pretty, however, there was something about her body language that just took away from it.

“Chica,” Rafael breathed, his own arm wrapping around your shoulder and holding you close to him as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “It’s fine, I’m happy you’re here.”

“Yeah?” you looked up at him. “Well, good, I made your favourite, bub.”

“Excuse me, sorry we were in the middle of something,” Yelina interrupted.

“Oh, right, I slightly overheard that,” you nodded looking back towards her. You looked her up and down again, eyes narrowing down, you grinned at her. “Sounded like you potentially trying to use the past you have with Rafi to get him to back off from your husband, and what he has been doing.”

“Who do-” she started taking a step towards you.

“No, who do you think you are?” you demanded, pulling away from Rafael. Your face set in a scowl as you stared her down. “You came into Rafael’s office, making demands of him and using your past with him to try and get your way. Never mind the fact that you haven’t contacted him in years, and yeah, I know that because my boyfriend and I talk. That is an incredibly horrible bitchy thing to do. And I also know you were not just about to try and creepy flirt with him, with is a whole other issue that I think you need to sort out.”

“Chica,” Rafael’s voice was amused as he watched you stare down his old flame, he was a little shocked he hadn’t ever seen you like this in the six months you had been dating and it was a little sexy. A bit of turn on to have you defending him. The way you argued with him the other day was different, this anger wasn’t directed at him it was for him.

“So, I suggest you hurry on to your boring little dinner with your horrible husband, while Rafi and I enjoy a lovely romantic night together, because he is such an amazing man,”

“Boyfriend?” Yelina asked her eyes going from you to Rafael.

“Yelina, this is Y/n, my girlfriend,” Rafael finally introduced you to his old friend, stepping up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back to his chest, resting his chin on your head. You were wearing flat shoes so instead of being around his height you were at the height of his shoulder.

“Rafi, how young is she?” Yelina asked crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Old enough, and don’t you dare try to make a comment about this,” your temper that was just a small little fire, grew the longer you talked to this woman.

Yelina sent you a scathing look before looking at Rafael one last time, seeing that she wasn’t going to get anything from him, she stormed out of his office. You extracted yourself from Rafael’s arms and made sure to close and lock the door to his office.

“Chica,” Rafael sighed rubbing his mouth to try and hide the grin that was forming as you turned around to face him again. You pursed your lips, leaning against the door and held the lunch tote bag in-front of you, after removing the scarf you were wearing to hide the dozens of love bites that Rafael left on your neck the other night.

“What?” you pouted. “I made dinner.”

“Yes, you did,” Rafael nodded as he walked towards you, eyes heating at the sight of his marks on you. He took the tote from you, setting it on the ground to the side as he crowded against you. His hands finding their home on the door beside your head. “And you told her to leave.”

“Yes, I did,” you whispered coyly, as you looked up at Rafael, biting your lip. “Was that, okay, I didn’t overstep?”

“You definitely didn’t overstep Carino,” he promised you, leaning down to nibble on your throat over one of his marks. You gasped, hands reaching out to grab hold of his waist as he pressed his body fully against you as he pressed kisses along your jaw.

“Rafi,” you moaned, spreading your legs to allow one of his in-between. You rolled your hips against his thigh, grinding your clit, whimpering a little when he pressed in closer. The outline of his cock pressing again you.  

“Carino, you just did something for me that no-one has ever done,” he whispered against your lips.

“And what was that?”

“Defend me,” he pressed a kiss to your lips. “Claim me.” Another kiss. “And state that I am a better choice than him.” And another kiss. That lingered. His lips pressing harder and harder against yours, as his hips rolled into you. His hands stroked down your side, grabbing your hips to pull you even tighter against him, grinding you against his thigh.  

“Rafael,” you whined breaking again from him. “This is not what I intended when I came over here.”

“Maybe not but watching you get mad at Yelina on my behalf was sexy,” he groaned gripping your chin to keep your eyes locked. “And fuck woman, it was such a turn on.”

“Well, let me just add that to list of things I never thought would turn you on,” you giggled, which turned into a laugh when the hand that was gripping your hip tickled your side.

“You have a list?” he asked, the fingers holding your chin stroking up your cheek and into your hair.

“You don’t?” you countered.

“Touche,” he nodded kissing you again, both hands now holding your face so gently. “Chica, I love you.” His green eyes were a pool of warmth, that stared into yours. “These past six months have been like nothing I could ever imagine. You have brought life and light into my life, and you call me out of my bullshit. I love you.”

“You love me?” you asked, voice shaky as you felt tears form. Your body shivered, butterflies making their home in your stomach.

“Yes, my Corazon,” he nodded leaning his forehead against yours.

“I love you too,” you whispered, hands squeezing his waist. “I have never been as happy as I am every moment I am with you.” You leaned up to kiss his lips, nuzzling his nose.

“My perfect Carino.”

[thirtysomethingloser92]

I think the worst thing about writing is that I’m in dire need to write that slow burn Rafael Barba/Reader story, because apparently ya’ll are thirsty bitches for our sassy suspender wearing ADA and I’m willing to take one for the team.

I have a sort of plot, a vibe, and borderline personality disorder- enjoy the angst this is gonna bring.

Ya welcome.

[ncis-nerd]

long cases

Ship: Olivia Benson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, SA mention and description briefly, cuddling, pet names.

About: A case gone wrong leaves y/n upset and to make matters worse, y/n can relate to the case so she blames her self but her girlfriend, liv, provides a shoulder to cry on and consoles y/n.

"cmon baby, stop being so shy. it's just me. just mommy, sweetie. lemme see your pretty face, hm?" liv cooed, in attempts to get her little lovie out of burying her face into liv's shoulder. y/n slowly begins to pull away, her teary-eyes met liv's. "Oh honey.." liv sighed sadly. she knew that this last case had taken a toll on y/n. it went so wrong and liv can tell y/n is blaming herself. "livie" y/n's voice broke. the fragile girl began to sob, covering her face with her fingers to spare liv the effort of attempting to console her. there was nothing liv could say to change the outcome of the case but what liv could do, was talk to y/n about it. liv knows that y/n was abused sexually in the past so this is why she relates to this case so deeply.

A few minutes passed, liv was giving y/n the space to cry and let it all out before talking to her. Y/n stood limp in liv's arms, tears stopped flowing. Y/n began to trace circles on liv's back. Liv took this as a sign that y/n was in a slightly better state. "Honey?" Liv gambled. Y/n hummed in reponsed. "Are you ready to talk about it, my love?" Liv asked, not removing the girl from her lap just in case. Y/n and Liv had this agreement that they'd always talk about it. If someone was bugging the other, they would not let it cause an argument or fight. To talk about it and dispute the problem before it gets worse.

Y/n scooted over, leaving some space between the two, but not much. Y/n clutched onto liv's hand, not that liv minded. She knew it helped y/n to talk, grounded her. Knowing that liv was real and she would be okay eventually. "I think the reason this case is getting to me so much is because this has happened to me. Not this exact situation but I was SA-ed. A-and I've told you about it briefly but..." Y/n's voice broke, drawing intense circles on liv's hand. With her other hand, liv reached out to rub y/n's back. Giving her a hint to breathe. Y/n takes a deep breath in response, getting the hint. Liv fixated on y/n's story, nodding at her to continue when she's ready.

"P-part of me wished someone had came to save me, but no one ever did. It got worse but you know what? I grew up, and got the hell out of there." Y/n exhaled, feeling a huge weigh lifted off her chest. "That's right my love. What you experienced, is horrible, I have no words. But you're right, you got the hell out of there and I'm so proud of you for that. Shows how strong you are, look how far you came. You help people everyday, you are amazing, my gorgeous, generous, girlfriend." her voice softened with affection.

Y/n let out a soft giggle in response. Liv, obviously confused, gives y/n a puzzled look in response. Furrowing her eyebrows. "That all started with g's, I just thought it was funny." Y/n squeaked in a happier sounding voice. "Oh? Hm? Funny am I?" Liv pushed, climbing onto y/n, trapping them beneath her. Y/n raised an eyebrow towards Liv. Liv attacked y/n with tickles. "l-livie!" She squealed. "How funny am I now? Hm, sweetheart?" Liv teased. Y/n squirmed beneath her, out of breath "l-liv i can't breath!!" Y/n giggled. "Oh, can't you now baby? " Liv inched closer towards Y/n, pressing her lips against y/n's.

Liv fell beside y/n, her hand caressed y/n's face. Their eyes met, and y/n leaned into liv's touch. "I love you so much, babe." y/n whispered quietly. "you are so perfect, angel." Liv whispered in response. They gazed at each other with nothing other than love. They laid in silence, clutching onto one another, falling asleep tangled up in quiet.

a/n: like, reblog and comment for more!!

[ihaveathingforwomen]

Mock Trial - Professor AU

Professor!Alex Cabot x Fellow!Casey Novak

Chapter 4 - Masterlist

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: Alex needs Casey to spend the night.

A/N: The WAY I was struggling to avoid writing a kissing scene. I'm reminding myself (and ya'll) it will be here in due time.

Alex’s eyes flutter open to find locks of red hair hovering over her, a soft hand stroking her face. As she opens her eyes more, she finds there’s a little crowd of people in uniforms surrounding them. She narrows her eyes, her left one aching as she does so. Her eyes finally focus and she realizes who’s above her, a smile crossing her face as her impulse control is nonexistent, “you’re pretty.” 

Casey sighs, screwing her eyes shut for a second. She shoves her hands underneath Alex, helping her up, “How do you feel, Alex?” 

Alex sits up, propping herself on her elbows and looking at the crowd around her. “My head hurts a bit, why?” Her hand drifts to her aching eye as it starts to blur again, “what happened?” She asks, wincing as she touches the raised red skin around her eye. 

Casey laughs, crouched on her knees as her hands examine Alex’s face gingerly. “You caught a softball to the eye,” Casey grimaced as her fingers brushed over Alex’s eye socket, causing her to whine in pain. Casey sighs, feeling bad that Alex is in so much pain. “We can call an ambulance, Alex.”

Alex pushes herself up further, “No, no no. I’m fine,” Alex insists. She starts trying to get to her feet, and Casey holds her hands out to steady her. 

Alex stumbles, nearly falling to the floor when Casey catches her in her arms. She holds her up with a groan, “Okay, at least let me take you to the hospital,” Casey requests. 

Alex steadying herself in Casey’s arms, a wave of nausea overcoming her, nods slowly. “Fine,” she murmurs. Her hand slips to her nose, trying to push her glasses up in hopes it will aid in fighting off the nausea. She’s sorely disappointed when her fingernail grazes the bridge of her nose. She closes her eyes and groans, “my glasses are broken, aren’t they?” 

Casey chuckles, holding her arm as she guides her out of the batting cages, “yes, I’m sorry.” 

Casey walks Alex out to the lobby, sitting her on a bench. “I’m going to go get our stuff, can I have your car keys?” She says, starting to step away from Alex.

“I can drive, Casey. Really,” Alex insists, her face turning a shade paler as nausea waves past again. 

Casey cocks her head to the side and steps back to Alex. She leans down and points at a sign a few feet away from them, “Can you read that?” 

Alex peers past her and squints. Her vision is blurry and she realizes just how dizzy she is, even sitting. She huffs and sits back against the wall behind the bench, looking up at Casey. “Please drive.” She directs in defeat. 

“Thank you,” Casey responds with a smile, heading back to the cages to get their things. Once their belongings are retrieved, Casey leaves Alex at the venue to go get her car. Pulling in front of the building, she turns off the car, leaving the hazard lights on, and heads inside to retrieve Alex. With the watchful eye of a representative, Casey takes Alex to the car, helping her inside. Their drive was long, Alex battling waves of nausea. Each time Casey noticed, she rolled the windows down a little, placed her hand on Alex’s thigh and advised her to keep her eyes closed. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time Casey had dealt with a likely concussion. She’d experienced one herself and one with many of her teammates and siblings in the past. There were a few times that her step-brother, Elliot, had to drive her to the hospital after softball practice to ensure her brain was intact after a stray bat or ball. 

Once they arrived at the hospital, Casey parked in the nearest spot available and took Alex’s purse from the backseat, slinging it across her body. Getting out of the car, she made her way to Alex’s door, opening it gingerly and leaning in to take Alex’s arms. She cradled Alex’s elbows in her palms, pulling her from the car as Alex still complained of dizziness. Arriving into the emergency room, Casey advocated for Alex as much as possible to get her checked in. Successfully checked in, the nurse hands Alex a clipboard with paperwork to fill out regarding insurance. Alex takes it, hands shaky. 

As they take seats next to each other on a bench along the wall, Casey takes the clipboard from Alex. At this point in her waves of sickness, Alex does not protest. Instead, she answers each of Casey’s questions, resting her head on her shoulder and watching as she writes. Bile rises in her throat as she watches, and she closes her eyes to push it back down. 

“Any chance you could be pregnant?” Casey asks, smile apparent in her voice as she tries fervently to lighten the mood. 

Alex sighs and groans, crossing her arms against her chest. Her hands rub her arms, goosebumps raising on them. “No…” she answers, nearly whispering. 

“Emergency contact?” Casey continues, sympathy overwhelming her need to lighten the mood. Her heart aches for Alex, disliking how much pain she’s experiencing. 

Alex tries to shake her head, but stops with a moan as the movement causes her dizziness to worsen. “I don’t have one.” 

Casey furrows her brows, adjusting so she can look at Alex, who looks visibly queasy. “Come on, Alex, you have to have someone.” 

Alex’s eyes turn sad for a moment, piercing Casey’s heart. She then forces them to focus and return to apprehensiveness, “I don’t have family here, I don’t have a spouse, and I love my friends but they don’t know enough to answer medical questions.” She sighs, putting her hands on top of Casey’s, which sit in her lap. Casey flashes a kind look, concerned about Alex’s state. With her hands on hers, she notices that Alex’s arms are chilled from the emergency room air conditioning. 

A sad smile spreads on Casey’s face and she withdraws her hands from Alex’s grasp. Alex squints her eyes as she watches Casey remove her leather jacket. Casey shakes out the jacket over the floor and adjusts her grip before draping it over Alex’s shoulders and pulling it tighter around her shoulders. Alex smiles, the burning in her lip returning, and not just because of nausea. For a second, she thinks to herself that she’d kiss her if she didn’t feel like throwing up. 

“Here,” Casey starts, readjusting the clipboard on her lap, “put me down as your emergency contact. You already answered all the questions I would need to answer and I know what’s going on.” She scribbles her name and phone number down, proceeding to the next line. She taps the board with the pen, Alex still trying to watch her closely, heart swelling at the gesture. “I’m sure you just have a concussion. You’ll be fine in a couple days, probably less.” Casey looks up and scans Alex’s face, a funny smile tugging at her cheeks. “Now,” she used the pen to point at Alex’s face, “that black eye you’re going to have is another story.” 

Alex laughed, the discomfort leaving her for a moment. She sits back in the chair, leaning her head on Casey’s shoulder once more. Her heart, while pleased with how things are going with Casey, feels severe confliction. She yearns for Casey’s comfort, dreaming of her kiss and company. But her mind argues against it, advocating for the social constructions that cause it to be forbade for the time being. 

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes again to keep the sickness at bay. “I’m sorry, you had to learn much more about me tonight than you should have.” 

Casey, one leg crossed over the other and bouncing as she answered the remaining questions, gently leaned her head on top of Alex’s. “Don’t apologize, it’ll make for a pretty good story.” 

“Hmph,” Alex chortles, “a story for whom?” 

“Alexandra Cabot?” A nurse calls, appearing from behind a set of ominous doors. Casey pops up, shoving the clipboard underneath her arm and extending her hands to help Alex up again. 

She leads her to the nurse, who graciously takes her and the clipboard, “we’ve got her from here. You’re welcome to wait out here for her, we’ll come get you. Are you her emergency contact?” The nurse asks. Casey nods and the nurse thanks her, leading Alex away. 

The wait feels like forever as Casey paces the floor, mostly out of boredom. She tries for a while to watch the home renovation channel that seems to play in every emergency room. But, after a while, watching homeowners feign surprise and happiness when they see the expensive renovations starts to get old. At one point, she leans back in a chair she hadn’t sat on before and starts counting the ceiling tiles. This leads her to meander around the waiting room, head tilted all the way back as she attempts to count every tile in the waiting room ceiling. 

Despite her restlessness, Casey dwells on their time spent together. For one, she can’t wait to tell Charlie about everything that Alex had planned for them. Her mind replayed the batting cages over and over, her hands could still feel Alex’s thighs beneath them, her shoulder could still feel Alex’s head against them. Everywhere that she and Alex had collided had a constant tingling sensation. Her mind buzzed with hopes of where their bond would go next. For a selfish moment, she hopes that Alex will take their relationship a step further after her concussion wears off. She knows that no big decisions are to be made when recovering from a concussion, but that can’t stop her from hoping. 

A few hours later, the nurse emerges from the same doors Alex had disappeared behind. Casey sees her and pops up, meeting her halfway. “How is she?” She asks, sounding like a concerned spouse. 

The nurse smiles and Casey’s nerves calm themselves. “She’s just fine and wanting to see you, follow me.” 

The nurse makes kind small talk with Casey as they walk, discussing how busy the ER had been, how nice the weather was, and more. When they arrive at Alex’s room, the nurse draws back the curtain to reveal Alex, lying calmly with Casey’s jacket over her eyes. 

Casey’s eyes soften when she sees her, “hey, how are you feeling?” 

Alex slowly removes the jacket, taking in one last whiff of Casey’s scent. “A little better,” she responds. 

The nurse and Casey turn to each other, “are you taking her home?” she asks. Casey nods, smiling in a way that showcases her dimples, causing even the nurse to grin wider at the sight. “Good, I’ll give you her care instructions then.” The nurse turns away to grab a packet from a nearby computer and Casey takes the opportunity to sit with Alex, offering a sweet smile as she strokes Alex’s hair behind her ear. 

Alex fights the urge to nestle into Casey’s palm as the nurse returns with the packet of instructions. “Fortunately,” the nurse begins, “her concussion is mild, we didn’t need to do any imaging as her recall seems to be intact. She should get as much sleep as possible over the next couple of days and drink fluids. Stay away from phones, computers and TV. And, unfortunately, reading, work, and physical activity.” 

“You hear that, Cabot? You’re going to have to take a break from work,” Casey jokes.

Alex laughs sarcastically as the nurse continues. “All of the details should be in here, but always feel free to call if you have any questions or concerns. If she starts vomiting, and I mean more than once, please bring her back. Otherwise, she should be alright.” 

“Thank you,” Casey tells her with a nod. “Is there anything else we need to do?” 

The nurse chuckles and smiles, “no, you’re both good to go.” She starts to walk out of the room, but turns just in time to see Casey stroking Alex’s cheek with her hand. “You make a very cute couple, by the way. The nurses out front told me before I came to get you,” she comments. 

Casey turns, eyes wide and a nervous chuckle escapes her. “We’re not dating,” she protests. 

Alex turns to the nurse as she sits up, “she’s a close friend of mine,” she tells her. 

Casey turns, smiling at Alex and they make eye contact, the tension tangible once again. 

“Mhmm,” the nurse retorts with a smirk as she leaves the room. With the nurse out of the room, Casey starts helping Alex from the bed, her purse still slung across her body. Alex had improved, as she stood on her own. She takes Casey’s hand and grips it tightly as they walk to the car. Once comfortable, Casey takes her phone and accesses her maps, turning to Alex, whose head is tilted backwards against the headrest, eyes closed. 

Her eye was starting to discolor with bruising, and it made Casey’s heart sink. She clears her throat softly, getting Alex’s attention. “Are you feeling okay?” 

Alex nods faintly, trying to smile. The area around her eye is still raised, turning purple steadily. Casey exhales quietly and inputs Alex’s address from her memory of the paperwork. Their drive to Alex’s apartment was quiet, Casey keeping her hand on Alex’s thigh. Alex ignored her inner conflict and rested her hand on top of Casey’s for the drive. Alex typically struggles with other people’s driving, deeming them unsafe so long as she doesn't have control. Casey’s driving, however, felt secure to Alex. No swerving, she doesn’t follow too closely, her eyes stay on the road…for the most part. Even though Alex kept her eyes closed for most of the ride, she noticed whenever Casey’s eyes would wander to monitor her physical state. Even though she drove with one hand, her attentiveness eased any of Alex’s concerns. 

Arriving at her complex in the heart of downtown, Alex musters all of her energy to guide Casey through the parking garage and up to her apartment. Casey manages to snag Alex’s keys from her purse before she can, and sifts through the light keyring. She pulls up one that she believes to be the apartment key and shows it to Alex, who confirms with a light nod. Casey opens the door and lets Alex lead her inside. 

“Toby,” Alex calls in a quiet sing-song tone, approaching the kitchen, kicking off her shoes as she walks. 

Casey furrows her brow as she locks the door behind her and sets their things on the circular dining table to her left. “Is ‘Toby’ a hallucination, Alex?” Casey asks, teasing as she follows closely behind Alex, hoping she doesn’t fall. 

Alex shakes her head, “Toby, tsk tsk tsk,” she calls again. Alex turns her attention to the living room on her right, her eyes scanning through her squints. Casey comes behind her, ghosting her fingertips on Alex’s waist, anticipating a faint. A soft plop on the bar top behind them startles Casey, she jumps and presses her hand to her chest. Alex turns calmly and approaches the bar, a large hairy creature sitting majestically on the granite. 

She extends a hand to the cat, petting it softly. “This,” she picks up the ginormous thing and cradles it in her arms, “is Toby.” 

Casey’s eyes widen apprehensively as she scans the length of the giant, hairy cat. “No, that is a toddler.” 

Alex laughs, setting him down on the ground as a bout of dizziness crosses her vision. Toby sauntered over to Casey’s legs. She freezes as the maine coon brushes against her legs, head butting her shins and purring loudly. “Hmm,” Alex notes before turning around and heading into the kitchen. She keeps a hand steady on the counter as she walks, pulling down cat food from a cabinet above. 

“I have never seen a cat this big,” Casey tells Alex with a smile. Seeing Alex steady herself, Casey crouches down and pets Toby. He collapses to his side and exposes his stomach, which she pets gingerly before moving to his head for kind scratches. 

“Well, I’ve never seen him like a guest so much.” A can cracks open and Alex takes a spoon, scooping its contents into a bowl. “He doesn’t normally greet anyone, or let them pet him for that matter.” Alex continues prepping his food as Casey’s full attention is set on petting Toby, who purrs louder now. She glances around the bar at Casey, her heart swelling and eyes softening as she tries to focus her blurred vision. “I suppose you’re special.” 

Casey stands up again and waltzes into the kitchen, taking the bowl that Alex appears to be finished with, “where does it go?” Alex nods her head to the area behind Casey where a small gray mat lays on the floor. Casey sees it and takes it over for Alex. Toby comes by immediately, brushing against Casey before starting at his food. She pets him as eats, then stands and approaches Alex. 

“I think you need to go to bed,” she states as her gaze takes in Alex’s tired features, the bruise seeming to darken each time she looks. 

Alex chuffs as she looks up at Casey. Her gaze is longing as her mind recalls Casey’s scent, her hand on her thigh, her body pressed against hers. In her longing, her mind also recalls how she’d made the rule for herself that there would be no apartment visits. Clearly, that’s beyond her control now. She straightens up and makes her way around the bar, waving Casey on. Casey follows her quietly down the hall, seeing that Alex’s room is the one at the end. 

“I appreciate your help, Casey. I can call George and have him come over, though,” she proposes reluctantly as she steps into her room, switching on the light. 

The scent of clean linen washes over Casey as she steps into the room, and then the faint scent of eucalyptus. The light slowly brightens as they walk in, and Casey glances at the wall, seeing that the switch slides depending on how bright you want the room. Alex turns on a couple of lamps, keeping her hand steady on the bed or wall as she walks to them. Casey sighs, taking in the bedroom as she tries to speak. 

“You’re not supposed to be left alone, Alex,” she reasons. Alex doesn’t protest, turning to Casey with eyes squinted, asking her to turn off the light. She does so, then continues, “Plus,” she starts with a mischievous tone, “I can’t go home without being driven or walking. You can’t drive me and I doubt you want me to walk so far in the dark.” 

Alex stands at the edge of her bed, hands on her hips as she looks at the ground, pushing down the nausea that started to return. She swallows and takes a deep breath. Personally, she has no issues with Casey staying. In fact, it’s what she wants most. “You can stay,” she blurts, placing a hand on her face to cover the smile that started to rise. She drops it, “Please don’t advertise it though.” 

Casey laughs, approaching Alex and pulling her into her arms. This was the first time she’d seen Alex actually concerned about their…relationship? In her mind, she isn’t sure what to call what’s going on between them. It’s certainly not professional anymore, but they’re not dating, but not just friends. The one true thing about their situation is that there is a relationship between them. She squeezes Alex, rubbing her back to soothe her and taking in her scent as Alex nuzzles her nose into her neck. 

“I won’t,” she reassures as she lets go of Alex. Alex’s skin has a lingering vibration where Casey hugged her. She ignores it and leads Casey out of the room and down the hall to another bedroom. She switches on the light in the same way and Casey steps in, surveying the room. A full sized bed with a forest green duvet and pale green sheets, a lamp on either bedside table, and carpeted floors. The room had a similar scent of eucalyptus, but much lighter than in Alex’s bedroom. 

“You’re welcome to sleep in here, if you like. I have extra toiletries in the bathroom across the hall. If you need anything, just let me know.” Alex tells her, studying Casey as she looks around the room in awe. 

Casey turns to Alex, approaching with a soft smile. “Can I help you with anything?” She asks preemptively, searching Alex’s eyes as they both lean against the doorframe. Alex’s eyes only just started to stabilize, her vision clear as she watches Casey’s expression. She reaches up and brushes hair from Casey’s face, tucking it behind her ear. 

She takes a deep breath, her lips craving Casey’s as she smiles so sweetly at her. Casey’s cheeks flush a light shade of red when Alex tucks her hair, and she reaches a hand out to run her fingertips on Alex’s hip. “No,” Alex answers, pulling away, “I’m okay. You need to rest, too,” Alex assures her. Casey’s smile drops when Alex pulls away. She nods, taking a sharp breath. Alex disappears to her room and Casey hangs in the doorway, closing her eyes as she tries to push away every urge that surfaces when Alex is around. 

Silently and separately, they both ready themselves for bed. The lights turn off one by one as the night drones on. The door to the guest room is cracked, Casey tossing and turning in the bed as she fights her impulsive thoughts. The thoughts run incessantly, begging her to sneak her way into Alex’s room. Begging her to wake the older woman and kiss her softly, to hold her close. She can feel the words on her tongue, imagining telling Alex how she feels. The delusional part of her mind dreams up the way that Alex would admit to feeling the same. The cynical part of her would turn those dreams into ways that Alex would excuse their feelings, keeping them forbidden for the sake of their careers. 

Eventually, she tossed and turned enough, Casey lulled herself into sleep. Though she’d fallen asleep, the sleep was light. Surely a few hours later, Casey stirred at the sound of voices speaking in the living room. Furrowing her brow in the dark, Casey sat up on her elbows and listened a while longer. Curiosity gets the best of her and she pulls herself out of the bed, stumbling towards the door. She creeps through the hallway, peering down at Alex’s bedroom where the light is off and the door is shut. She then makes her way out to the living room where the light of the TV casts shadows over the couch, illuminating a tall figure. 

Casey crosses her arms against her chest, the cold air hardening her nipples and bringing discomfort. She approaches the couch, tilting her head to determine the features of the figure. Alex sits, legs crossed and eyes squinting, she occasionally rocks to the side. Casey chokes back a chuckle as she makes her way into Alex’s view. Alex looks up, eyes wide and a little scared. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I have insomnia…I couldn’t sleep.” she whispers in the dark. 

Casey shakes her head, glancing at the tv behind her. “You’re not supposed to watch TV, Alex.” She looks up and scans the room, finding a lamp. She goes to it, turning it on and Alex leans forward, grabbing the remote and turning off the TV in compliance with Casey’s statement. 

“You didn’t wake me,” Casey tells her as she returns to the couch, taking a seat next to her. 

Alex turns, keeping her knee pulled to her chest as she scans Casey’s body. She hadn’t imagined this would be the way that she’d see Casey in her Harvard sweatshirt. No, she’d pictured it would be after the first time they spent an intimate night together. She had imagined Casey coming into her kitchen in nothing but the sweatshirt, kissing her and holding her hips against the counter. Even still, Alex still adores the sight before her. Casey adorned a short pair of drawstring shorts and the hoodie, nothing else. She smiles softly as she catches Casey’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday,” Alex murmurs. 

Casey rolls her eyes and leans forward, placing her hand on Alex’s knee. “You didn’t ruin a thing. This was actually the best birthday celebration I’ve had in a long time.” 

Alex furrows her brow and drops her knee, returning to her cross-legged stance in front of Casey. “No way. Spending the night in the ER because your gir-” Alex stopped herself, biting her lip and taking a deep breath. “Because your friend has poor hand-eye coordination.” 

Casey laughs, trying to ignore how Alex nearly deemed herself her girlfriend. “I usually plan my own birthday outings,” Casey admits. Alex leans forward, listening. “My friends or parents are nice enough to pay for it most times but I usually have to organize everything. It was really nice to not have to decide or worry.” 

They share a moment of silence, Alex taking in the information at face-value. Later, she’d never admit it, but that’s when she decided she would plan every single one of Casey’s birthdays that she’s there for. They held each other’s eyes and let their minds wander together. Until a memory pops into Alex’s mind. “Fuck!” she states urgently, standing faster than Casey would like. She reaches her hand out as Alex stumbles around the couch and into the hallway. 

“What’s wrong?” Casey shouts after her, watching the hallway closely and waiting for a clash to follow. 

A few moments later, after some stuff was audibly shuffled around, Alex emerges from the hallway on her tiptoes. She arrives in front of Casey’s vision and smiles widely, “Happy Birthday, by the way.” 

Casey’s eyes swell as she takes in the gift before her. Alex places it on the coffee table and plops on the couch, a wave of exhaustion and dizziness hitting her. Casey grins and sits on the edge of the couch, her fingers reaching out to touch the gift gently. “Go ahead,” Alex whispers to her, watching intently as Casey takes the gift. 

On the coffee table, a mid-sized flower pot sits on top of a wrapped box. The pot holds Casey’s favorite flower, a bundle of bleeding hearts with a little picket sign detailing care instructions. “You told me that it was on hold,” Casey notes, turning back to Alex whose head is propped on her arm as she watches Casey lovingly. 

“It was on hold for you,” Alex tells her, an air of cockiness to her tone. 

Casey laughs, blush rising to her cheeks as she turns around to unwrap the box. She gingerly tore through the openings in the paper, unfolding it as she removed it from the box. The lid to the box comes off with ease, revealing a collection of crumpled papers resting on top. She takes them out and sets them on the table as she sees the true gift beneath. She unearths a book, hard back and gray, with a black spine. Along the spine, the title was engraved in red lettering. She ran her fingers across, biting her lip and smiling. She turned the book on its spine in her palm, realizing the pages had an array of colors attached to them. She let the book fall open and began flipping through the pages. Her fingers ran over the pages, studying them. All over the textured paper were notes scribbled in pencil, words underlined in different colored pens, an assortment of different colored tabs denoting parts of interest, and colored sticky notes at the end of each chapter giving a detailed analysis of the chapter it follows. 

Casey’s mouth fell open and she closed the book, turning to Alex, her heart swollen and beating into her breasts. “Alex…” she starts, her eyes darting between the blonde and the book. 

Alex smiles cockily, “You mentioned it last spring. I had it in my collection so I reread it and annotated it for you. I know you’ve been meaning to read it.” 

Casey runs her tongue over her lip, taking it between her teeth and biting it to shove down the urge in her mouth. Her eyes start to well as she stares at Alex. About to overflow, she turns away and closes her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. She wipes it away and sniffles, turning back to Alex. 

She sighs, her sad eyes searching Alex’s face for more than longing. “Thank you,” she whispers, feeling her throat tighten as she tries to speak. 

Alex sighs, too, leaning forward and taking Casey in her arms. She hugs her tight, fingers weaving into her hair and gently scratching her scalp. “Casey, I’m sorry.” 

Casey chokes out a laugh and tears herself, reluctantly, from Alex’s arms. “Why are you sorry?” Alex shrugs, watching closely as Casey wipes another tear and sits back against the other end of the couch. “Well, don’t be. You haven’t done anything wrong, Alex.” 

They talked a while longer, trying fervently to discuss frivolous things like school, work, internships, and whatever else they could manage. Both of them fought the urge to kiss the other, the urge to touch more than just caresses of the hands. Eventually, and much to Alex’s shock, sleep overtook them. Soundly through the rest of the dark of night they sleep, Toby at their feet on the opposite end of the couch. Their sleep was dreamless and sweet, their noses taking in each other's scent as they breathe steadily. 

When morning light starts to creep through the blinds, Alex stirs, turning her head away from the light and towards the television. As she does so, the texture beneath her cheeks is soft, softer than that of the couch. She takes a breath, orienting herself and taking in sensory information. Her hands are beneath her and wrapped around a pillow, maybe. But something is around her torso. She unclasps her hands and presses them against the couch, raising herself up to find what she’d been laying on. 

Beneath her, Casey moans, waking too. Alex’s breaths pick up pace a bit as she realizes Casey’s arms wrapped around her torso, her head was just resting on her chest, and her own torso between Casey’s legs. Her memory before falling asleep was a bit hazy, her head aching as she tries to recall. She pushes herself up from Casey’s body, and Casey whines as the warmth leaves her. 

“Where are you going?” She asks sleepily, reaching her hands out for Alex’s body. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, leaving Casey on the couch and heading to her bedroom. Casey sighs, still trying to wake herself. When she finally pulls her eyes open, she sits up, loneliness piercing her chest as she yearns for Alex’s body weight again.

She makes her way to Alex’s bedroom, knocking softly. “Alex?” She questions into the door. 

The door sways open, causing her to stumble. Alex stands, eyes sad and watchful of Casey’s expression. “I called George,” she states coldly. “He’s going to come help me for the weekend.” 

Casey narrows her gaze, “Oh.” 

A moment of silence. “I’m sorry, for last night. I-I’m gonna be okay,” she stutters out, “I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?” She asks, choking back the lump in her throat. She shushes the way her hands are willing her to grab Casey by the hips and pull her into her room. The way her arms crave Casey in their grasp. The way her mind begs for them to collapse into bed and sleep longer. 

Casey’s eyes darken and she bites her lip, sadness swarming her features. Alex’s heart aches at the sight. “Yeah, I’ll see you Monday.” They stare at each other for a moment, a deep ache loud between them. Casey finally steps away, sulking into the guest room and grabbing her things, changing out of Alex’s clothes. When she makes her way into the living room to grab the gift, she sees Toby and smiles. Alex watches from the hallway as Casey crouches down to pet him and kiss him on the head. It still shocks Alex, remembering how Toby tends to bite or claw any visitor to come through the home. Leaving for long periods of time was seldom an option. Casey stands, glancing over her shoulder at Alex and giving a fake smile, her dimples still making Alex grin. 

“I’ll see you later, Alex,” she assures her, opening the door and stepping out when Alex nods silently. 

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Rolling with the Punches ~CollegeStudent!Broken!Casey Novak xFem Reader (Charlie Angst)

Summary— Set in past, when Casey was still with Charlie. Casey shows up at your doorstep after a fight with Charlie. You are left to pick up the pieces of a broken Casey Novak.

Mommy… Master List

Requests & Prompt-List

Warnings: mild SVU spoilers, angst, crying, implied anxiety attacks, implied abuse, implied abusive relationships, comforting, physical comfort, fluff, etc.

Enjoy (:

You didn’t question how or why Casey wound up at your doorstep on a pouring night at 3 am. But she looked like a wreck with smudged makeup, raw skin and red eyes. You simply let the drenched redhead in without another thought.

“Christ Case, you’re soaking…!” You exclaimed softly, immediately guiding the young woman into the house and towards your main bathroom, “Come on, let’s get you out of these clothes… don’t want you getting sick…” you hummed.

“I… sorry mm sorry….” Casey rambled in a mutter.

Casey simply followed along to the bathroom. You turned around a found the redhead frozen in tears in front of you.

“Oh honey…” you comforted, opening your arms and nearly falling back into the bathroom with how the redhead barreled into your embrace.

You didn’t care that you were getting wet off of her drenched clothes one bit. Her head nuzzled into the crook of your neck as she let out a fresh batch of sobs. You could feel the young woman trembling underneath your touch. This only resolved you to hold her closer, wanting to let her know that she was okay and that she was safe.

“You’re okay, Case. I’m here, you’re safe.” You cooed softly.

You swayed back and forth in the doorway of your bathroom, until her sobs stifled and she let out a sniffle, pulling back and meeting your caring gaze.

“I’m sorry I^^hic^^ didn’t know where to go… I left and I couldn’t stop and I just ended up here and—” the redhead whispered.

Your heart melted for concern at the woman’s disposition. She had walked from her place all the way to yours, not impossible, but terribly long considering it had been pouring the entire time.

“Oh Casey it’s okay. It really is. Now, let’s get you into a warm shower… Don’t want you getting sick on me.” You gently comforted the redhead, indicating to the large shower in the bathroom.

Casey nodded as she shuffled into the lavish room. You followed her, pulling out a warm, fluffy towel and placing it on the counter for her.

“If you leave your wet clothes by the door, I can run them through the wash for you while you shower.” You softly hummed.

Casey nodded once more.

“Thank you…” she croaked.

You immediately nodded, squeezing her shoulder lightly and reassuringly.

“Of course, Case. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re done.”

Receiving an understanding nod from the young woman, you left the bathroom, closing the door behind you. Soon you heard the shower start, and you took that as your cue to grab her wet clothes and throw them in your dryer. You then walked into your kitchen with a sigh, itching for a glass of wine. Your nimble fingers grabbed a glass and a bottle of red, instinctually pouring just the right amount, as if you had done this before.

Sipping at your wine, you surveyed your food provisions to see what you could offer Casey. You had an inkling of why she was here in the middle of the night… You had noticed the bruising along her face and arms. You knew that she was in a complicated relationship… to say the least.

With another sigh, you decided on making some breakfast for dinner for the poor girl. Not that it was either time of the day to eat, but you had a feeling that she needed to eat. You cooked up some eggs, bacon, and pancakes. As you were plating the pancakes, Casey came padding into the kitchen wrapped in the fluffy towel. You saw her eyes go wide and her mouth practically salivating at the sight of food.

“Come, sit and eat.” You softly instructed the woman, “Your clothes aren’t done yet, but I can grab you some of mine for now if that’s alright?”

Casey scurried over to the large kitchen island, sitting on the opposing end. You pushed the plates towards her as you plated the last pancake and handed her some silverware. It took her less than three seconds to start digging in right then and there. You chuckled lightly as you cleaned off your hands. Casey’s face flushed in embarrassment at her current ravaging nature.

“Mm sorry…” she mumbled, gazing up from her plate to you with a strip of bacon hanging out of the left side of her mouth, “Clothes would be great”

“Don’t worry about it, eat ‘hun. I’ll grab you something to wear.” You hummed caringly.

Casey nodded, returning her full attention back to the plates of food. You smiled lightly, happy to see the redhead eating something, before going deeper into your apartment to find her some clothes. You came back to all of the plates on the island being completely cleaned off. You handed Casey a pair of pajamas. The redhead muttered a thank you, before padding over to the bathroom and getting changed.

When she came back out, Casey let out a yawn. You had cleaned up all the dishes and were making yourself some tea on the counter. The redhead walked up to the island, fidgeting with her hands as she sat on a bar stool. You handed her a mug of hot tea.

“Thanks…”

“Of course.”

Silence took the room for a moment, before you spoke again,

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to… You’re more than welcome to stay in the guest bedroom for the night.” You hummed.

Casey fiddled with the mug, keeping her eyes low. Her hair was still damp, and she smelled of your body wash.

“I… I—” Casey stammered before breaking down into tears once more in front of you.

You put your mug aside to draw your full attention to the redhead. And you immediately rounded around the island, placing your hand on her back reassuringly rubbing little circles along her trembling and small frame.

“Hey, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay…” you cooed gently.

Casey sniffed violently a couple times to try and reign her tears in. You squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, making sure to let her know that it was alright. The redhead then turned toward you and curled her face up into your chest.

“I didn’t… didn’t think it would get this… like this…” She stammered, spiraling in thought.

“I know, I know, sweet girl. This is not your fault.” You comforted.

Casey hiccuped again.

“I… I don’t know what to do…” she whispered into your chest in confession, clinging on tight to your frame and not showing any indication of letting go anytime soon.

You hummed and let her lean into your embrace as much as you needed. You knew what she had to do, but you also knew that now was not the time that she needed to hear it.

“Why don’t you get some sleep? Then we can talk in the morning.” You softly hummed.

Casey reluctantly peeled her face off of your chest and shirt, looking up at you hesitantly.

“Don’t want to be alone right now…” she whispered,

“D-don’t know what I might do”

Trying to mask the anger and fury coursing through your veins, you gulped lightly and nodded in recognition. You hated what this Charlie was doing to Casey. Destroying her every fiber of self, self worth, self confidence, self esteem… You wanted to go over there yourself and tear her a new one. But you took a deep breath instead.

“I understand. Why don’t you sleep with me tonight? We can cuddle if that would help…?” You offer.

Casey’s eyes immediately light up a little brighter at your offer. She nods slowly but eagerly and lets you lead her to the main bedroom. You let her climb into bed, while you change into your nightwear. Then you join the redhead, allowing her to curl up into your chest under the covers.

“Good Night, Casey”

“Mmmm night…”

Casey was off like a light, dozing away almost the second she curled up next to you. You could feel her tired bones finally relaxing against you, hear her snoring ever so slightly. It gave you a moment to sigh and let all your emotions out.

“Charlie doesn’t deserve you, honey…” you sigh.

~~~

Casey Novak Masterlist

[naturesapphic]

hiya! i love your work and i was wondering if you could do an olivia benson one shot where she finds out y/n is secretly doing drugs/ alcohol because of mental health issues? thanks!

Lost

Olivia benson x fem!reader

Warnings: drugs, alcohol, hurt/comfort

You didn’t expect her to come home this early. Hearing the door open you quickly put away the white powder you were snorting and quickly putting it in your secret hiding place. You quickly washed your face and cleaned up as much as you could before Olivia was knocking on the bathroom door. “Baby? You in here?” She asked and you took a deep breath in, feeling the drugs go through your system. “Y-yeah…I’m fine…” you said slowly, trying to sound as normal as you possibly can.

Olivia opens the door to see your tired and disheveled appearance which makes her worry for you worse. She’s known that something was up for a while, I mean, she’s a detective for fuck sakes. She saw how you acted, how you’ve been acting towards her and other people, how you barley sleep and eat, barley take care of yourself, etc. The last straw was tonight was when she saw how terrible you looked and she saw some powder that you forgot to wipe away was under your nose. “Baby…why didn’t you come to me. I could have helped you…” she said quietly as you looked down at the ground, avoiding her gaze.

You just shrugged and continued to look down. Olivia went over to you and pulled you into her embrace. You immediately broke down in her arms and she felt herself tear up. “I got you babygirl…shhhh…I got you…” Olivia said as she places gentle kisses on the top of your head as she rubs your back. “I-I’m so s-sorry liv…” you sobbed out and she kept soothing you. After a few minutes, you calmed down enough to start talking with her and explain what’s been happening. You explained how your mental health was worse than ever and you didn’t want to bother her with it so you turned to alcohol and drugs. You knew it was stupid and reckless but you truly didn’t think of another way.

She listened to every word you said and made sure to reassure you here and there. You appreciated it and you kept telling her all how you felt and when you started doing everything. By the end of it, you felt a weight being lifted off your shoulders by telling Olivia everything. You knew you were in trouble and there may be a chance of you getting arrested but you were still glad you told your girlfriend. She helped you off the floor and helped you clean up. You told her where you hid your stash and she flushed it down the toilet. You winced a bit and she gave you an apologetic look. “It’s for the best baby. I know it’s hard and I’m sorry.” She apologized and you shook your head. “You didn’t do anything, no need to apologize liv…” you replied.

The two of you went into the bedroom where she helped you put your pjs on and helped you brush your teeth. Then y’all went into bed and liv pulled you into her arms, your head on her chest. “I’m gonna make sure you get the help you need babygirl…I promise…” she whispered against the side of your head and you hummed in approval. You knew you had a long road ahead of you, but you know you won’t have to walk it alone.

A/n: thank you for the request anon! I hope you enjoyed it and everyone else did too. Remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all! :)

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Could I please request Casey Novak! She’s my all time favourite baby! Maybe something like how reader is Burning with hatred when the new friend Casey starts to be too touching and affectionate. You can make it angsty or how ever you like. A bit random but I dunno I’m feeling jealous lately I need to get it out of my system before it eats at me more .

Thanks you my love! 🥰

All yours, anon! I don't write a whole lot of angst, so this was fun! (Happy ending tho because of who I am fundamentally lol). Hope you enjoy! --illdowhatiwantthanks

With the Crack of a Bat

Casey Novak x fem!reader Warnings: violent thoughts on the part of the reader (not like murderous or deeply harmful or anything, but... we're definitely wishing ill-will), some angst, very vague references to sex, innuendo (please let me know if I've missed anything!) Word count: 1.3k

Summary: There's a new girl on yours and Casey's LGBTQ+ softball team, and you do not like how cozy she's getting with your girlfriend.

You sat fuming in the dugout, waiting your turn to bat, the heel of your cleat grinding repeatedly into the dirt-caked concrete. You weren’t usually a jealous person and, in the several months you’d been dating, Casey had done nothing to suggest that she was the kind of person who’d cheat on you. In fact, she’d done quite the opposite, proving herself again and again to be loyal to a fault.

But the new girl–Eloise–she made you more insecure than you’d been since high school. She was everything you weren’t. Lithe where you were stocky. Feminine where you were rough around the edges. Suave and easy and flirtatious where you were awkward and fumbling. In short, she would have been a popular girl. She was popular on the LGBTQ+ softball team. Even just in scrimmages, like today, both sides of your split team vied for Eloise to be their pitcher. She was the best. There was no way around it.

You hated playing catcher for her. She was more of a one-woman show than a team player. She often ignored your play calls. When she pulled it off, it paid off. But you’d allowed more than one stolen base because she threw where you weren’t expecting and you missed the catch.

But today, you’d discovered something you hated even more than playing catcher for her: Casey playing first base for her. Every strikeout, every tag-team play, they were all over each other. Chatty as could be. Hugging, cheering, lingering high-fives. It made you livid. But if you’d examined your anger, you would have found that what it really made you was scared. Scared that Casey would like Eloise more than you because, let’s be honest, what’s not to like?

You swung your bat, letting your shoulders and hips get loose as you waited on deck. A tip of the ball from the batter in front of you–a grounder to Eloise, who scooped it up and tossed it wildly to Casey. It would have been an easy throw to miss, but Casey bent and stretched for it, tagging the runner out at first with only seconds to spare.

Eloise whooped and the two came together for a high-five.

“Hell yeah, Novak,” Eloise called, smacking her ass. You felt your jaws clench. “Gotta love a girl who knows how to bend.” She spoke a little too loud, a little too pointed, especially as you approached the box. She wasn’t even being sly about it anymore. It’s like Eloise was goading you, teasing you, as if she was saying without saying, I could take your girl. Easy.

You took a deep breath and focused. Focused all your rage, all your insecurity, all your desperate love for Casey that felt suddenly so very tenuous, and held it all in your twisted grip on the bat. You exhaled slowly, blood pumping loud in your ears, tensed and ready for Eloise’s pitch. And when it came–wham. You sent it flying–straight into Eloise’s left boob. The thwunk was so unbelievably satisfying, you had to wipe the smile off your face before anyone noticed. Eloise doubled over, clutching her chest, stumbling into the dirt on the pitcher’s mound. The rest of the fielders ran to her.

What you really wanted was to victoriously round the bases, but that seemed in bad taste, so you dropped your bat and walked over to the pitcher’s mound, too.

“Oh my god, Eloise,” you said, trying your best to sound sincere. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all good,” she groaned, taking Casey’s hand and grasping it as she pulled herself to her feet.

You frowned as you watched Casey support Eloise with an arm around her back. This was backfiring. This was not going the way you’d planned. Softball practice effectively dissipated as one of the girls got Eloise some water and another dumped hers to make a makeshift ice pack for her to hold on her chest.

After making sure Eloise was okay, Casey turned to you, glaring. You shrank. This was really not going as planned.

“Get your shit,” Casey said, her voice harsh and flat. “Let’s go.”

You silently gathered your things and followed her to the car, scared by her tone, scared by the fact that she didn’t take your hand on the way to the car like she always did, scared that she seemed well and truly mad–a rarity for Casey.

“Case–” you started, as you both climbed into the car and slammed the doors.

“What the fuck was that!?” she yelled, brows furrowed, face red. “The rest of the team might not know, but you and I know exactly how good your aim is with a bat. That was not an accident, Y/N.”

You were quiet, head bent, trying not to cry. “I’m sorry,” you whispered.

Casey shook her head. “What is your deal with her!? You’ve been acting so weird since she joined the team.”

“I’ve been acting weird!?” you shot back, surprised by your own anger. “You’ve been weird. She’s all over you, Casey. She flirts with you constantly. In front of me. And you just… let her!”

Casey looked at you with genuine shock. “What are you talking about?!”

You dashed away a few angry tears that slid down your cheeks. “She’s… she’s so fucking pretty and cool and strong and you clearly like her and I just… I don’t know. I’m sorry. It was dumb.”

“Y/N,” Casey said, her voice cooling a bit. “I like Eloise as a friend. That’s it.”

“Well,” you sniffed. “She likes you as more than a friend. And she acts like it.”

You let out a shaky breath, jumping a bit when you felt Casey’s hands on the side of your warm face. You glanced at her and saw that she was fighting off a smile, her eyebrows raised.

“You’re jealous,” she said, savoring the word, letting it linger. “Is that what this is about?”

You blushed furiously, looking pointedly at the door handle. “I’m sorry. I know it’s stupid.”

Casey sighed, then chuckled a bit, brushing her thumb against your cheekbone. “It’s kind of cute actually. But, Y/N, honey…” She turned your face so you had to look her in the eyes. “I am not flirting with Eloise. I will make it clear to her that I’m in a relationship. Maybe she just didn’t know.”

You had your doubts about this, but you decided to keep quiet about it for the time being.

Casey continued. “But unless she doesn’t respect that boundary, I still want to be friends with her. Okay? You can’t ask me to not be friends with people because you’re jealous.”

You nodded and sighed. “I know. But if she keeps flirting with you anyway?”

“If she keeps coming on to me, I will cut it off. I promise.”

You sighed, grinding your teeth.

“Baby,” Casey said, pressing her forehead to yours, both of you heady with the scents of ballpark dust and sweat and the leather of your gloves. “I can assure you I do not talk to Eloise or anyone else the way I talk to you. Or touch them the way that I touch you.”

You shuddered as she brushed her lips against yours.

“She’s not even my type,” Casey finished, her mouth mere centimeters from yours.

“And what’s your type?” you asked, already knowing the answer.

“You.” And then she kissed you. She kissed you with so much fervor, so much passion, as if she couldn’t communicate how yours she was with mere words, so she had to use her lips instead. And you knew then–just as deep down you’d always know–that Casey wasn’t flirting with anyone else. She wasn’t looking at anyone else. She certainly wasn’t doing this with anyone else. Casey was yours. And you were hers. And you’d do anything and everything to keep it that way.

[slightlygaywritesslightlytoomuch]

Hey the lack of Elliot Stabler x Reader content out there is killing me 😭 was wondering if you could write something sweet with him, maybe like looking after a reader whose case the team is working on cause she’s still in danger from whoever committed the crime against her? Thanks :)

You were a ghost, a shadow in a world that had suddenly become too bright. The case was personal, a wound that throbbed with each passing day. The police, led by the relentless Elliot Stabler, were your lifeline, your only beacon in the storm. But as the investigation progressed, you found yourself becoming more than just a case file. You were becoming a fragile piece of evidence they needed to protect.

Elliot had taken an immediate liking to you. There was a quiet strength about you, a resilience that mirrored his own. But beneath that exterior, he saw a woman haunted by fear. He'd seen firsthand the toll a case could take, and he wasn't about to let you go through it alone.

He found himself checking in more often than necessary, making sure you were safe, that you were eating, that you were getting enough sleep. It was a role he hadn't expected to take on, but it felt right. Almost like a duty.

One evening, as a storm raged outside, you found yourself alone in your apartment, a prisoner of your own fear. The wind howled, mimicking the turmoil within you. Your phone rang, the familiar ringtone a jarring interruption to the silence. It was Elliot.

"Hey," his voice was a warm anchor in the tempestuous night. "I know it's late, but I just wanted to check in. You okay?"

Your voice, when it finally came out, was a mere whisper. "I'm scared, Elliot."

There was a long pause before he responded. "I know. I'm really sorry about that. You shouldn’t have to feel this way."

You could almost hear him taking a deep breath. "Listen, I'm coming over. You’re not alone, okay?"

Relief washed over you as you heard the familiar sound of his footsteps approaching your apartment. When he finally arrived, he enveloped you in a tight hug, his body a shield against the storm.

"You're safe now," he murmured, his voice low and comforting.

You nodded, burying your face in his shoulder. The scent of his aftershave, a familiar blend of wood and spice, was grounding. It was a tangible reminder that you weren't alone.

As the hours passed, the storm began to subside, its fury replaced by a gentle patter of rain. Elliot tightened his grip, as if sensing your growing tranquility.

"You should get some sleep," he suggested, his voice barely above a whisper. "I’ll stay here with you."

You hesitated, not wanting to let go. But sleep was a distant memory, and you knew he was right. With a heavy heart, you pulled away slightly, looking up into his eyes. They were filled with a tenderness that took your breath away

He leaned in, his forehead resting against yours. "Close your eyes," he murmured.

You did as he asked, and as the darkness enveloped you, you felt a sense of peace you hadn't experienced in what felt like forever. With Elliot by your side, the world seemed a little less terrifying.

[svuobsessed]

Olivia Benson X Daughter reader

Summary: Y/N Benson is attacked on her way home, her Mum is not happy and Elliot is pissed.

TW: almost SA, description of almost rape, not much only the first part.

Third person pov...

14 year old Y/N Benson was on her way home from school, texting her friends as she walked, her bag on her back, she was heading to the station to meet her Mum so they could go home together.

As she walked she walked past a white man mid 20s, The instant she did she felt his eyes on her, it heightened her anxiety but she kept on walking, slowly she got out her phone from her pocket and began tapping on it.

The man then pushed himself away from the wall and began following the teen, he was tall, kept his head down.

Y/N looked behind her every few seconds while tapping on her phone.

She was planning to text her Mum and tell her what was happening, as she did she began quicker, she heard the man walk faster to catch up with her.

The H/C girl taps her Mums contact and begins typing, they had a code word for incidents like this.

"Hey there" comes voice from behind the girl scaring her. She turns quickly and hides her phone, the teen looks up it was the guy following her.

She stared at the man, not saying a word. This made the man angry, Y/N saw grit his teeth slightly, she then inches away slightly from him.

The guy keeps a friendly smile on his face as he looks at the young girl. "Sorry for scaring ya. Just wanted to ask if you could tell me where the library is?" He asks the girl, Y/N doesnt relax her legs tense she was ready to run if the guy posed as a threat.

She looks at the time on her phone her message to her Mum still open. Once seeing the time she looks back up. "Sorry can't help you" she says to the man unapologetic.

She turns to run but her wrist is grabbed, the mans grip was hard and it was painful. Y/N tried to wretch her arm away but it only made the grip on her wrist tighten, he was twisting her wrist a way it shouldn't go.

Tears at the corner of her eyes she tried to yell for help but one look from the guy said 'you scream and I break it' so she kept her mouth shut, with her hand gone she uses her other to try and text behind her back.

The guy sees this and grabs her phone, eyes in horror Y/N watches as he smashes her phone, struggling in his arms Y/N tries to wriggle away but isn't able to, she is then dragged into an alleyway.

She teenager tries to drag her feet but he is to strong, Tears in her eyes Y/Ns back is forced up again the wall, she begins scratching at the man, his hands , face anywhere she could reach. The guy takes it and pins her wrists to the wall.

He then slaps her face. "Stop struggling bitch! Or this will hurt" he yells at her, the teen freezes in fear, cheek turning a nasty red.

Smirking he begins trailing his free hand to her chest unbuttoning her school shirt, she looked away from him as he kept touching her, "Mummy" she cries quietly.

Thinking of her mum gave her the strength to open her eyes, she starts to stare, the creep looks up at her smirk gone at the new found fury in her eyes.

'Show no fear' she thinks, as she continues staring into his eyes. Luckily he let's go of her wrists, taking the chance Y/N swings her leg back and kicks him in thr groin.

"Fuck! You little bitch!" He yells holding his area, Y/N quickly rips out of his grasp, grabbing her bag she hits him one last time before running out of the alleyway not stopping until she got to the station.

Olivia was sat at her desk, her daughter was late. Looking at the clock again she became even more worried. Y/N should've been there 20 minutes ago.

Elliot waves at his partner from across the table. "Liv? Hello? Liv!" Liv shake sher head ans turns to Elliot. "Sorry El" she tells him.

Elliot shakes his head. "It'll right, are you okay?" He asks her, Olivia goes to answer but us cut off by something behind Elliot.

Face of horror, she stands from her desk and walks around Elliot towards the entrance, standing at the doors was a young girl, school shirt unbuttoned, shirt ruffled, bag barely hanging onto her shoudler, her face was a bright red turning purple.

"Y/N, baby what happened to you?" Before anyone knew it the young girl collapsed in a fit of sobs falling to her knees, Olivia bent to catch her in her arms. The girl only sobbed harder as she clung to the woman.

Liv tried to comfort her but was unsuccessful, eventually they were able to move the two into a room. Olivia sat with her daughter curled up on her lap still holding onto her neck.

Olivia rubbed her hand up and down

Y/Ns back, the girl was clearly traumatized, the team were worried.

"Y/N baby, you gotta tell me whats happened okay" she tells the girl, Y/N had calmed down alot since she was in her mother's arms.

Outside Elliot is pacing, he was worried about Y/N. He'd never seen her so upset before it scared him.

Inside Y/N pulled away from her Mums shoudler, sniffling she told her. Olivia was shocked, she was worried and she was pissed. "Baby, I'm so sorry that happened to you, I swear to god I will catch that bastard" she reassured the teen.

Eventually Y/N passed out from all her crying, Liv gave her a change of clothes a mix of her tshirt and Elliots sweatpants. The teen was currently asleep in the cots in the lockeroom.

Liv sits at her desk frozen as if in a trace, after what her daughter told her she didn't know what to think. As she sat El walked over to her.

"Liv, hey did Y/N tell you what happened?" He asks her, Liv shakes herself awake, the tears in her eyes scare Elliot, he kneels on the floor infront of her holding her hand gently.

"Liv-Ss-she told me she was almost raped" she cries, Elliot pulls her into a hug. If he didn't he would've smashed his fit into the table. "W-what" his throat dry.

Once Y/N was awake she gave them a description of the man who attacked her, she told them everything she rememberd she could never forget the way his hands felt or his piercing gaze.

Days later they caught the guy, attacking another young girl, before hand cuffing him Elliot and Liv managed to get a few good hits in for Y/N, all the team managed to get revenge for Y/N, Fin slammed him extra hard into the table in the interrogation room.

Munch made fun of the guy and told all his insecurities, Casey tore into him during his trail so bad he instantly pleaded guilty and got sent to prison for 20 years.

After that Liv made sure Y/N never walked home by herself again, always either with a friend or member of SVU. Y/N eventually recovered from the ordeal.

The end!

A rather angsty one hope you liked it, sorry for the wait, also for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.

Requests are open!

Word count: 1302

[novaksupremacy]

The Veiled Law of Attraction - Chapter 11

chapter surrounds the events of S6E16 "Ghost" Mostly angst, if not just 40 MS Word pages of the absolute angstiest angst that a lesbian could angst and like a small fluffy, almost smut but not really scene in between. I'm really sorry this took over a month to get to you, but I will make another post explaining why. <3

Pairing: Casey Novak x Olivia Benson, Olivia Benson x Alex Cabot, Alex Cabot x Casey Novak

Word Count: 9544

by PKJ aka @novaksupremacy

Read Part 10

The alarm went off and Casey shot up bleary eyed. Another night on the sofa in her office had left her with a stiff neck and a migraine. This was the kind of thing she used to rely on Olivia to help with, but she guessed she’d have to rely on some good old-fashioned over-the-counter pain relievers. She brought her hand up to rub the back of her neck when the door opened.

“Oh, I— I can come back.” Of course it would be Liv. Olivia “Haven’t Seen or Heard from Her Since She Left Her Key on The Counter” Benson.

Casey cleared her throat, “It’s fine, you need something?” She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact.

The brunette held up the stack of files in her hand, “I just had to drop off these fives. I didn’t think you’d be here.” She looked over at the couch to see the blanket all sprawled out. “Casey did you sleep here?”

The redhead scoffed, “You don’t get to ask me that Olivia.” Her face went flush, her heart racing.

“I—I’m sorry you’re right.” The detective hung her head and turned to leave. She stopped right before she hit the doorway and turned around, “Casey, I—”

The ADA looked up at her, lip trembling, “You what? Led me on? Decided I wasn’t what you wanted?” Her face dropped, “Is this because I told you that you were my—”

“No of course not,” Liv interjected. “Casey I care about you more than you know and that’s why I left.”

“Olivia that doesn’t even make any sense. I thought I meant something to you. How can you say you care and then leave without a word. Not even an ‘It’s done’” the attorney felt a single tear roll down her face that she quickly wiped away.  

“Because the minute I saw you—” she walked towards Casey, it was clear she had been crying for a while. “I wouldn’t have been able to walk away. Please just know I’m doing this to protect you. Please.” The brunette wanted to reach out and grab her so badly and hug her until everything felt better, until all of the cracks and breaks in both of them healed. “I—I gotta get back.”

The redhead nodded and motioned towards the door. She looked down at her cold coffee from last night and sighed, rubbing her face. The counselor checked herself in the mirror of her office bathroom and brushed her teeth before locking up and heading out to the street towards the coffee cart.

“Large black coffee and a bagel please?” she said, the vocal fry from lack of sleep apparent.

“You okay Ms. Novak?” Paulo the coffee cart attendant asked her, “You sound like you might be getting a cold. Here.” He handed her a small container of what seemed to be some kind of soup, “On the house Ms. Novak.”

“No Paolo it’s okay I just didn’t sleep well, I’m fine I promise.” She tried to hand the container back to him, which he promptly dismissed and waved her off. “Thank you.” She mouthed with a small smile that made her dimple show.

“Casey?” She heard her name being called from the street. The redhead looked up to see Elliot walking towards her in his peacoat and newsboy hat. Shit. He jogged the rest of the way to catch up with her. “Hey Case,” he looked at her with sad eyes, not something she was used to from Stabler. He was usually so—stoic.

“Elliot don’t,” She didn’t know if he was going to try to defend Liv or tell her he was sorry, but she couldn’t handle either right now. As hard as she tried to fight it her lip jutted out and started to shake.

“Case,” he wrapped his arms around her, “Hey breathe kiddo, let’s go in your office okay?” She nodded and followed him inside. He closed the door behind them as she put her food and coffee down on her desk. Elliot sighed and leaned up on the arm of her sofa, “What happened?”

“I was hoping you knew?” she laughed sarcastically. “She’s “protecting me”.” She mocked Liv using air quotes.

“From what?” Stabler squinted.

“Fuck if I know. This all started when she put me in that chokehold—” Casey started to explain.

“She did what?!” Elliot jumped off the couch, jaw clenched, ready to tear into his partner.

“El stop it wasn’t like that.”

“Then enlighten me Casey because that sounds pretty bad.” The redhead could practically see steam coming out her friend’s ears.

“It was about two weeks ago with the Lucas Biggs case. She saw that storage locker and she was having a night terror. It scared me, I tried to wake her up and when I did she put me in a chokehold—but she was still sleeping El. Yeah, when I finally got her up, I freaked out for a minute, and I yelled but I know that’s not Liv.” She walked up closer to Elliot her arms folded and sighed, “but after talking to Avery she just kept talking about how she might be a monster, that some kind of switch might flip?” The ADA scrunched up her face.

Stabler grimaced, “That explains why she asked me if I was worried about how my kids would turn out.”

Casey still looked confused, “What do your kids have to do with this El?”

Elliot popped up and wrapped one arm around Casey and kissed her forehead, “It’s not my story to tell Novak. All I can do is try to get her to tell you. Okay?” He stepped back and placed his hand on the doorknob.

The attorney hesitantly shook her head, “Yeah, okay.” She choked out.

*****

After processing two crime scenes, the first the office building of Elaina Brevet, and second their home where her husband, Jason Brevet, was found brutally slain in much the same many. Tortured with slashed throats. Upon further investigation CSU found that Jason was tortured for the combination to the upstairs safe which according to O’Halloran’s new fancy technology was missing quite a large sum of money.

“The Brevet’s are financial managers,” Cragen briefed Liv and Elliot as they passed the holding cell and into the bullpen, “Now why not invest the cash? Money in a safe doesn’t earn interest.

“Maybe they were hiding it from the IRS?” Elliot suggested.

“Or their creditors,” Fin joined in from across the room, “I got the Brevet’s financials. Both houses mortgaged to the hilt. Credit card debt in the six figures. Maybe living large, they got in over their heads.”

Liv cocked her head, “Why not pay off their bills with all that cash?”

“Because then they would have to explain where it came from.” Munch called out from behind them as he hung up the phone. “I had the forensic accountants go over their books. Brevet Investments is nothing but a high ended pyramid scheme.”

Liv raised her eyebrows, “So all of those huge profits from the past year were phony?”

“Yeah,” Munch shrugged his shoulders, “they take the money from one client, pay another’s dividends, take the rest for themselves.”

“So,” Elliot pondered, “one of their investors got pissed off bad enough to kill em.”

Munch nodded, “yeah the kind you don’t want to piss off in Cali and Bogota.”

“Drug money?” Finch questioned.

“Yeah,” John sighed looking at the records, “and skimming it too, for one client in particular—for one company in particular too out of Vegas called Casa Vega enterprises.”

Finn creased his brow, “Drug lord finds out somebody’s ripping him off, he’d have to hit him quick to set an example.”

“Check with narcotics,” the captain chimed in. See if Casa Vega rings any bells.”

“You got it Cap,” Finn said grabbing his jacket as he motioned to Liv and Elliot, “I got a guy over there we can trust.”

As they head out Finn and Elliot lead the way chit chatting about different cases as Liv fell behind trying to get her arm in the sleeve of her jacket. “Oh, shit, sorry.” She muttered, timing would not be her friend in this moment. As she stopped Casey opened the door to her office and the two women just about collided. The redhead dropped the stack of paperwork in her arms. They both bent down trying to scoop up the mess, “Leave it to me to find another way to ruin your day.” She let out a half-hearted chuckle as she tried to make light of the awkward situation.

“Yeah, you’re uh, getting kind of good at that.” Casey teasingly chided, as she scooped up the rest of her papers. She caught a hint of Liv’s perfume, and her heart jumped into her throat. She missed her something awful and being this close to her was killing her. The smile faded from her face when she remembered she wasn’t really privileged to this familiar feeling with the detective, and she stood up. “I—have to get back to work.” The counselor cleared her throat and looked down, “Be careful out there.” She mumbled and disappeared back into her office. She leaned up against the other side of the door, clutching her files to her chest and began to sob. The tears rolled down the file jackets as she tried to stifle her cries.

Fin and Elliot watched the exchange from the end of the hallway as Olivia stood frozen in place, broken. The brunette could hear Casey crying and it was destroying her. She knew this was her own doing, but she couldn’t stop herself from still being in love with Casey.

“Something going on with the lovebirds?” Finn looked at Elliot with uncertainty.  

Elliot sighed and shook his head, “Liv called it off, Casey is devastated. I’m still trying to figure out what happened.”

“Awh shit, I was rootin’ for those two.” Finn said as the brunette walked up.

“Rooting for who?” The detective raised her eyebrow at her coworker as she approached, she pushed her jacket back to stuff her hands in her pockets.

“Uhh, Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury, thought they were gonna take the lead in points this season.” Detective Tutuola spat out extemporaneously.

Liv pursed her lips together and nodded her head slowly as if she only half believed him. “We ready?”

*****

After meeting Mike at a diner he explained to them how the money laundering scheme for Casa Vega worked and how they get others to write checks for investments with sob stories and then pay the investor back with cash. After reviewing the list he recognized a name and decided to tag along for the questioning as a favor to Finn since he was familiar with the perp. Just as Mike had suspected she did in fact write checks to Casa Vega in exchange for cash but was more than willing to give up a name in exchange for lighter punishment for a family member doing time in Sing-Sing.

When they arrived at the apartment, Mike and Elliot kicked in the door. There was an eerie silence that is usually only found in an abandoned apartment.

“Guess no one’s home.” Mike shrugged as they began their sweep. “Senor Montoya! Policia!” He called out.

“Mr. Montoya! Police!” Liv called out behind him.

As they made it passed the threshold, Elliot peered over the couch to see a man and a woman lying face down, shot execution style. He leaned over to check for vitals. “Dead.”

Liv leaned over as well, “But not for long. The bodies are still warm.”

“In here!” Mike called out from the back of the residence.

Liv and El followed the sound of the narcotics detective’s voice to one of the bedrooms, where they found him standing next to a twin-sized bed. A small child lay with a pillow over their face. A gunshot burn visible in the pillow’s cover.

“Bastard kills a kid,” Mike said in horror, “doesn’t even have the balls to look at him.” He picked up the pillow to get a better view and assess the scene, revealing a small boy.

Liv looked away, but to everyone’s shock the child began to groan.

“He’s alive! Call a bus!” the narc exclaimed.

Stabler shook his head, “It’ll be faster if we take him in.” Mike nodded and scooped the child up and headed for the door.

*****

“Is he awake?” Liv asked after getting the all clear from the ER doctor that the child had survived. “We’d like to see him.”

The doctor nodded, “Right this way.”

Liv and Mike walked into the room quietly as possible, “Hey there,” she smiled at the little boy. “I’m Olivia, what’s your name?” she spoke softly.

The small child kept his face turned away from the detectives, fidgeting with his fingers nervously.

The brunette looked at her fellow detective as he stepped up next to her, “Maybe he doesn’t speak English? Why don’t you go ahead.”

“Hola.” Mike smiled, the boy hearing something familiar turned his head towards them. “Como te llamas?” The young child didn’t answer but rather stared blankly. The detective saw the chain around his neck and picked it up gently to examine it. “Ah, San Antonio. Es este tu santo?” to which the child nodded timidly. “His name is Antonio after the saint.” Mike told Liv and then smiled kindly at him.

“Antonio mi llamo Miguel, soy policia.” Sandoval placed his hand on his chest and leaned down to the boy.  

Antonio looked at him in a panic, “Mi mama y papa?”

Mike kneeled down next to him, “Bueno, Antonio…tu mama y papa.”

“Papa Dios se los llevo al cielo.”

Mike turned to look at Liv, “He says God took them to heaven.”

Liv pursed her lips, “Ask him why?” she encouraged.

“Porque Papa Dios hiz eso?” the narc detective inquired.

“Para salvarles el dolar. Porque le hizo dano a mi mama y papa.” Antonio replied, still barely speaking above a whisper.  

Mike translated for Olivia, “To save them their pain, he was hurting them. Quien Antonio?”

“El fantasma.” The boy answered.

Mike looked confused from the young boy to Liv, “He’s saying a ghost shot him…I think he’s still out of it.”

Liv’s beeper went off as he spoke, “Okay,” she sighs softly, “Stabler needs us at the ballistics lab.” She smiled empathetically at Antonio as she headed for the door.

Mike rubbed his arm, “Adios Antonio.”

*****

Stabler and O’Halloran already had quiet to compilation of evidence to present when Liv and Mike walked through the door. Elliot didn’t even wait for a greeting to start talking, “Ballistics results from the Montoya homicides, take a look.”

Liv squinted at the screen as Ryan began explaining what she was looking at, “On the left, the bullet taken from Mrs. Montoya. Three twists and a left groove. On the right, the slug taken from Mr. Montoya.”

The brunette looked at him slightly puzzled, “Same gun it would make sense that they’re identical?”

 “Yeah,” O’Halloran murmured preoccupied, “Now look at this.”

“It’s a perfect match.” Mike chimed in, “Same triple twist, is that the bullet from Antonio’s bed?”

“No.” Ryan answered sternly, his face contorted in concentration. “From an unsolved homicide.”

“What case?” Liv asked?

Ryan pressed a button on his keyboard to pull up the case file and the brunette woman’s blood ran cold. There she was— in the photo that was on her city issued ID, the one sitting buried in the bottom of a box in Liv’s closet along her ADA badge, Alex Cabot. A face and a memory she tried hard to push down whenever someone brought her up, too painful to keep reliving. A twist of fate.

“The Murder of Alexandra Cabot.” Elliot said out loud. Liv still lost in a trance.

“Who’s that?” Mike asked as the beautiful woman did not seem familiar to him.

Liv stared at Alex’s picture for a few more seconds and finally opened her mouth to speak, “Our old ADA.” She couldn’t seem to wipe the shocked expression off her face.

*****

Casey stood in the doorway to her office as the three detectives walked past, she wanted to try and grab Liv if only for a second, try and talk. She kept holding out that whatever had a death grip on Liv would soften and that they could fix things. She had also heard about Antonio and wanted to check on the child. “Hey Liv,” she muttered quietly, “You got a sec.”

Olivia didn’t even stop to look at her, her face paler than Casey had ever seen it, “Maybe later Case, I can’t right now.” And continued towards the bullpen.

Casey looked towards Elliot, “What’s wrong with her? She looks like she’s seen a ghost?”

Elliot stopped and sighed, “Something like that. The bullets from the Montoya homicides? They match an open case. Cabot’s case.”

The redhead’s face softened, “Oh.” she said breathlessly. She didn’t know the specifics of it all, but she knew they were close. She was also quite fond of Alex herself, they were a few years apart at Harvard and she started White Collar around the time Alex started as the ADA for sex crimes. She’d like to think what they had was akin to friendship.

“We’ll talk in a bit kid.” He nodded at her and squeezed her shoulder as he headed off towards the squad room.

Cragen was already adding Alex to the crime board, “Alexandra Cabot was prosecuting a rapist who worked for Cesar Valez the Norco baron. Valez ordered the hit on Cabot and blew up D.E.A. agent Tim Donovan, who was working the case with us.” He looked towards Stabler.

Elliot picked up from here, “Ballistics match to the weapon used in the Cabot homicide is our link between Velez and the Brevet-Montoya murders.”

 Liv felt like she was reliving the events of the Zapata case all over again. She wanted to vomit but instead cleared her throat to speak, “And we believe Elena and Jason Brevet embezzled a couple million dollars from Caser Velez. Sergio Montoya was working as their middleman. When Velez found out he was getting ripped off, he ordered the hit.”

Finn jumped in at this point, “And the hit man was good. He left zero forensic evidence at the Brevet and Montoya homicides.” He turned his eyes to Munch, giving him the signal it was his turn to contribute to this round robin rundown.

“Our best lead is the security footage from Brevet investments,” John stated, “We’ve excluded over two hundred employees, messengers and janitorial staff. We have about seventy-five subjects left to identify.”

“We got a lot of names,” the captain sighed staring at the board. “All the employees at Brevet Investments, everybody involved in the money laundering scheme. Somebody has got to connect back to the Cartel.”

The narc detective nodded as he soaked in all the information, “D.E.A. can help us out with that, their HIDTA computers are programmed to find links between cases.”

“Good.” Cragen retorted, “Get over to HIDTA. Run every name we got.” The captains eyes were somber as he looked over at two of his strongest detectives, he knew how close they were with Cabot. Hell, even he was warmhearted of the ADA. If they could finally get justice for her murder, he was going to make it happen.

“Yes sir.”     

*****

After a brief visit to HIDTA Liv, Elliot and Mike almost left empty handed until upon leaving Mike mentioned that the person they were chasing really was a ghost.

The technician turned around and said, “What’d you say?”

“Our kid witness,” Mike nodded, “said a ghost killed his parents.”

The HIDTA tech tilted his head, “Did he say it in Spanish? El Fantasma?

“Why that mean something to you?” Liv asked as she pulled her jacket back on.

“El Fantasma. The Ghost. Contract Killer. Liam Connors.”

*****

Liv and Mike went back to visit Antonio again to make sure he could identify The Ghost if he were to see him again. He could, at least he was pretty sure he could. Upon learning this they headed out to meet Elliot and see if they could locate El Fantasma.

“Munch just got something,” Liv said snapping her phone closed and walking towards Stabler and Sandoval. “Rent-a-car parked in a loading zone outside Brevet Investments got a parking ticket late Friday night.”

“Liam Connors rented the car?” Elliot said as he turned around and headed towards the sedan.

“No,” the brunette shook her head, “it’s a Bronx guy by the name of Doyle Shanahan. Fundraisers for the IRA in bars around New York.” She opened the passenger door while Stabler jumped behind the wheel and Sandoval swiftly slid into the back seat.

“Where can we find him?” Mike inquired.

“Works in a warehouse downtown.” Liv stated buckling her seatbelt hastily. Her partner pulled out into traffic as they took off on a Ghost hunt.  The three detectives burst into the warehouse to confront Shanahan, pressing him until he finally gave up Connors. While resistant, the minute he heard Connors had turned to the cartel he had no problem ratting him out.

“Fuel Depot. Over in Gowanus, on the canal.”

From there the race was on to capture Connors. The detectives sped to Jersey calling in backup along the way.

“Go! Go! Go! Go!” an ESU member yelled and slammed the door down with a battering ram.

As everyone rushed the building a man racing towards the stairs caught Liv’s attention. “Connors!” she called out to alert the team. Elliot and Mike took after the suspect on foot chasing him down along the canal as Benson jumped in the sedan. “We’re in pursuit of Liam Connors! Headed south along the canal! Headed south!” She hollered over the radio.

Liam managed to clock Stabler hard with a two by four knocking him off his feet and knocking the wind out of him before taking off. A miscalculated turn into a car lot got him jammed up as he was corned by Sandoval from one side and Olivia pulling up from the other in the sedan. Stabler catching his breath followed close behind and was able to with great satisfaction slap cuffs on Connors and place him under arrest.

*****

Connors was tossed into a line up where Antonio was able to identify him with ease. Afterwards Liam was taken to interrogation, he sat smug, convinced he was going home. Elliot smirked as he leaned down and let the Irishman know that they did have a witness and that he wasn’t quite as good at his job as he thought.

The idea was to arraign Connors as soon as humanely possible to keep him from hurting anyone else. Mike and Liv went pick up Antonio the next day from his relative’s on Staten Island to have him testify and get Liam on his way up to Riker’s before he even knew what hit him. Liv didn’t want to be bitter, but she was, she was reeling, knowing that Connor’s was the reason she lost Alex, but more presently the reason she’d have to see Casey in court. She’d have to see the hurt in the redhead’s eyes and on her face and she just wasn’t sure she could bare it.

****

 “Where the hell have you been?” Casey snapped as Liv and Elliot rushed into the courthouse.

“Being shot at.” Liv said faintly yet vexed.

The redhead’s face immediately softened to an expression of distress. “What.” She managed to croak out?

“There was a drive-by attempt on Antonio, one of the bullets nicked Sandoval and we ended up at Mercy.” Elliot sighed.

The ADA’s face dropped as she tried not to let her eyes well up with tears, she turned towards her ex-girlfriend, “Olivia I’m sorry.” she said almost breathlessly.

“It’s fine Casey, you couldn’t have known.” Liv shook her head, “We better get inside.”

The prosecutor hurriedly pushed open the swinging doors to Trial Part 22 and ambled towards the prosecutor’s table.

Preston looked particularly perturbed as the ADA and detectives entered the courtroom. “You’re late Ms. Novak, its 3:15.”

Casey dropped her briefcase onto the table and took a deep breath, trying to sound as professional as possible. “I’m sorry your honor I was in the Grand Jury. They just indicted the defendant on all counts.”

Kressler scoffed, “Fifteen minutes too late.”

“There was an attempt on the eyewitness’ life. I think witness tampering is grounds for an extension.” The ADA rolled her eyes at the defense.

Kressler threw his hands up in protest, “My client’s been on Rikers. He didn’t shoot anyone. And I’m betting you don’t have any proof of his involvement.” He wagged his finger condescendingly.

“So its just a coincidence Antonio Montoya was shot at on his way to testify against the defendant?” Casey argued, her lip curled in mild annoyance.

The opposing counsel chuckled and shook his head, “You can call it whatever you like. You still can’t connect Mr. Connors to the shooting of your witness.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Novak. I can’t grant an extension without proof of the defendant’s complicity in the shooting. The people have failed to meet the deadline. I’m ordering the defendant released until the trial.” Preston said apologetically as she banged her gavel.  

Connors nodded happily with a smirk that only a guilty man could wear.

Casey slammed her hand down on the table, “Your honor Conners is a flight risk. If you let him go we will never get him back.”

“I give you my word my client will make all of his court appearances.”  

“I would like something stronger than his word.” Casey retorted. Connors watched her with a clenched jaw as she demanded Preston hold him.

“I’m sorry. You’re free to go Mr. Connors.” The judge said bluntly with a bang of the gavel.

The defendant stood up and shook Kressler’s hand as Liv and Elliot hung their heads in disappointment. Elliot nodded and stood up. The ADA looked sternly at her friend, “Arrest him.” She spat out. Connors looked over in shock. “Your honor, my detectives are here to re-arrest the defendant.” The redhead stated with confidence.

“On what charges?” Kressler exclaimed incredulously.

Casey looked Preston dead in the face, “The murder of Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot.” Stabler’s face dropped as he looked over at Olivia with panic.

“Your honor this is a blatant attempt to unlawfully detain my client!” Roger protested.

“Save it counselor, Alex Cabot was a friend of mine. I’ll see you both at arraignments.” Preston stood up and exited to her chambers.

                The redhead nodded at Judge Preston then shot Kressler a look as if to let him know she had his ass in a sling.

                Elliot snarled as him and Olivia stepped forward to cuff Connors. He scoffed at them, “You can’t prove I killed her, and the dead can’t talk.”

*****

“What the hell are you people doing?” Agent Hammond demanded as he stormed into Cragen’s office.

Don turned around when he heard the familiar voice, “Agent Hammond, most people knock first.” he said slyly.

“You should’ve called me before your detectives arrested Liam Connors for the murder of Alex Cabot.” Hammond growled.

The captain stepped towards the marshal, his patience wore thin. “Connors blew up one of you agents! I didn’t expect flowers, but I thought you’d be pleased.”

“Connor’s goes to trial,” he scoffed, “I’m called to testify. What am I supposed to do?”

“Your job.”

“That’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I just came to tell you that you’re on your own. I’m not gonna ruin my career by committing perjury.” Hammond shook his head, eyes narrowed on Cragen. “Do we understand each other Captain?”

Cragen tilted his head, perplexed but then a sudden realization hit him, “She’s alive. You son of a bitch, you stashed Alex in witness protection.”

Casey was on her way to Cragen’s office as he voiced this to the older agent. She stopped in her tracks and leaned up against the wall outside the door, her heart pounded, her head got dizzy. She felt like she was going to be sick or pass out, while it was never confirmed she felt like she lived in Alex’s shadow—both at work and with Olivia. She stood there for a moment and continued to listen.

“You didn’t know.” Hammond said in shock, “They didn’t tell you.”

The ADA didn’t even wait for Cragen to come out of his office and blow a gasket, she was going to blow it for him. She stormed down the hall as Elliot and Liv were coming back from getting lunch, “You and you.” She jerked her head motioning at each of them, “MY office, now.”

Both detectives stopped in there tracks and looked at each other confused.

“NOW.” The redhead reiterated and urged them to follow her. “What the hell were you two thinking, you hung me out to dry out there. We work together, you should’ve trusted me,” Casey closed the door to her office as she scolded Elliot. “And we—” she looked at Liv and started to choke up, “you should’ve told me.” she said quietly. “What did you think I was too green? Too fragile to understand? Did you think you needed to protect me from that too?” Her voice began to strain.

“Hey c’mon Case, let’s not do this?” Elliot tried to mediate.

Casey bit her lip and nodded before running her tongue over it to self soothe and walked to grab some files off her desk.

Liv hung her head, she knew the ADA was right.

“I’m going to need both of you back in here first thing tomorrow so we can figure out a way out of this mess you’ve created and dragged me into.”

“Case—I’m” Liv started to reach out.

“Save it, just be here tomorrow. I’ll do my best to save all of our asses.” Casey shook her head in annoyance. She turned her body and brushed passed the brunette as she left her own office in search of Cragen.

*****

Cragen and Hammond pulled up in a small beater car to a quaint house on a quiet block. Wisconsin was so—suburban. As the two men got out of the sedan and approached the door, Cragen went to knock, only for the door to swing open and a familiar face to greet him.

“What happened?” Alex Cabot asked, her blue eyes and face furrowed in concern. She ushered the men inside as Hammond did another quick sweep to make sure they weren’t followed.

After giving his old friend a brief synopsis of what had transpired in court the day before, he looked at her and exhaled, “I’m only sorry the bastard won’t have to answer for what he did to you.”

“Oh, he will.” The blonde stated without even skipping a beat. “I want him charged with my attempted murder.” Her eyes searched for a reaction from Hammond.

“You’d have to go back to testify, that’s stepping right into the crosshairs.” The marshal protested.

“For years,” Alex cut him off, “I convinced victims to face their attackers. Now its time for me to step up.” She emphasized.

“Your testimony won’t help the case, you can’t ID Connors as your shooter.” Cragen interjected with growing concern. “Alex—if you go back, they will try and kill you again.”

The stunning attorney’s mouth hung agape a moment before she spoke, now in a softer, much less argumentative tone, “I have lost—my home, my job, my friends.” Her voice cracked— because what she wasn’t saying was that she also lost her love. “My mother died, and I couldn’t go to the funeral. Liam Connors is not going to take my conscience too.”

*****

Elliot sighed, “Are we gonna need lawyers?” He paced back and forth nervously in Casey’s office the next morning. He had no idea how to get them out of this, he’d stayed up all night racking his brain and couldn’t come to a single conclusion.  

“I hope not,” the redhead said picking up some case files from her desk. She smirked and looked towards the door as it opened.

Liv and Elliot turned around to find a familiar face smiling back at them.

“Alex.” Liv whispered. Casey’s gut jolted, she knew that tone, but by G-d she wished she didn’t.

Elliot smiled in surprise, “You didn’t have to come back.” He looked between her and the Marshal behind her.

“Well who else is gonna get you out of trouble,” the blonde grinned and folded her arms.

The redhead sighed, scooping up a mountain full of paperwork, “Before everyone gets reacquainted they’re waiting for us in court.” As she walked out Elliot studied her mannerisms, there was something different. He could tell as sad as she was about Olivia there was something that shifted in the young ADA’s body language when Alex entered the room. Elliot smirked softly to himself.  

*****

Later on that afternoon, after Liam Connor’s had been reindicted on attempted murder as opposed to murder one, Antonio and Detective Sandoval sat in Casey’s office across from her and the office’s former resident—Alex.

“I’m really scared,” Antonio said shakily, “I don’t want to see The Ghost. He gives me bad dreams, he says he’s going to kill me.”

                “He had a nightmare last night,” Mike frowned. “The Ghost had a gun in the courtroom.”

                Both Alex and Casey cast an empathetic gaze on the small child. Casey pursed her lips and nodded at Antonio as the blonde listened intently. “Well, that sounds like a really scary dream.” The younger ADA said gently to the little boy.

 Alex watched her intently, her mind wandering to how caring Casey was with the child. She must have fit it instantly with SVU, she’s got a knack for this.

The redhead turned towards her and smiled sweetly, almost searching for approval as she spoke, caught off guard at the way Alex watched her. “But, you know what Antonio? The ghost doesn’t have a gun anymore. ‘Cause the police took it away from him.” The older woman immediately tore her blue eyes away when they locked with Casey’s and focused back on Antonio.

“I know,” the little boy said in a small, sad voice. “Mike told me—but I still don’t want to go to court.”

Casey bit her lip nervously, there was no shot of this case going forward without Antonio’s testimony, but she had no idea how to convey that without unfairly voicing her frustrations to the young boy.

Alex took a deep breath, “I got shot, just like you.”

 The younger ADA stared at the former counselor in awe, the way she had just been perceived by her a few moments before.

“By the ghost?” Antonio crumpled his brow.

“Yes.” The blonde nodded, “And I have to go to court too.”

“Are you scared?”

Alex smiled reassuringly, “A little. I get scared that he might try and hurt me again. But then I remember that I have friends to protect me, just like you do,” she nodded her head towards Sandoval, “and it makes me feel safe.”

“I wish my mom was here.” The boy looked down at floor, melancholic.

Mike frowned, “I’ll keep working with him. Come on, ‘Tonio.” He led the boy by the shoulder out of Casey’s office.

Casey took a deep breath and raised her eyebrows at Alex in shared frustration as closed the door and turned around.

“We should keep preparing my testimony.” The slightly older woman nodded, a far off look in her eyes.

The redhead should her head assuredly, “You know, we’ve gone over all my questions. I think you’re ready.” She knew Alex had to be exhausted and pushing too far could end up burning her out rather than helping.

Alex looked up as she snapped out of her daze and looked directly into Casey’s hazel green eyes, “Are you?” She said, more pointedly than she intended. 

The counselor let out a small breathy scoff, her eyes grew a little dimmer, as she tried not to let it show that she was hurt. After all, she’d always looked up to Alex. Instead she opted to tilt her head and give the blue-eyed woman a knowing smile, as if to say I won’t let them hurt you.

The blonde’s face softened, she grimaced, “Casey I’m sorry. That was…out of line.”

“It must be hard to be on that side of the desk.” Casey nodded for a few seconds and then voiced softly. She tilted her head empathetically at the blonde.

“Yeah, especially when the gorgeous woman they hired to replace me is sitting on the other side of it.” She smiled, “and from what I hear she’s just as good at the job if not better.” She took her glasses down from her face and looked at the redhead.

Casey was blushing, trying not show that she was flustered, and failing miserably at it. “I—thank you Alex, that’s sweet.”

“I don’t want to go back to the hotel yet, do you mind if we just pretend we’re still working?” Alex came and sat down next to her on the sofa leaning on her elbow, positioned against the back of the sofa.

“Hey fine by me,” the redhead pulled out a bottle of scotch from next to the couch and placed it on the table with two glasses, “You drink?”

“No,” Alex shook her head, “Pour me a double.” She smirked. “So, do you like Special Victim’s? Last I heard you were in White Collar right?” she asked picking up the glass and taking a sip.

“It’s growing on me,” Casey chuckled, coddling the glass between her hands. “My first case made me try to fight Branch on the placement.” She pulled her feet up onto the couch underneath her.  “But then…” she trailed off.

“Then? Well don’t leave me hanging.” The blonde teased.

“I met someone, and that helped make it easier—for a while.” Casey’s expression got sad, the emotion in her voice, raw.

“What happened?” Alex spoke softly, almost in a whisper, a note of concern in her tone.

“She left me,” the redhead cleared her throat, “suddenly too. No warning, I thought we were happy, but something spooked her. She said she was afraid she couldn’t promise me a future. Something about a switch that might flip,” Casey’s voice trailed off as she stared into nothing, “I never did quite figure out what she meant by that.” She finished the whiskey in her tumbler and poured another, offering another to Alex.

“Was it serious?” Alex was staring into the younger ADA’s green eyes, trying not to focus on the attractive woman’s lips as she spoke.

“I thought it was, I almost thought she might’ve been the one.” She took a sip and shrugged. “But then I came home one day to her key on the counter and her toothbrush missing from the bathroom. I was so in love with her,” she paused, “but I never found a way to tell her.” She swallowed off the rest of the glass and put it down on the table. “I should probably not drink anymore of that tonight.”

“For what it’s worth Casey, whoever this woman is? Her loss. You’re a beautiful woman, a talented litigator, and if I have to hear Elliot tell me how good at softball you are one more time I’m going to beg them to stash me back in witsec.” She giggled, a little tipsy and put her glass down on the table next to Casey’s. She leaned forward and brushed the redhead’s hair away from her face. “You’ll find someone who will treat you the way you deserve.”

Before Casey even realized what she was doing she leaned in and kissed Alex, who leaned into it kissing her back. It went from soft and delicate to heated in a matter of seconds. Alex pushed the younger woman back against the couch and wrapped her hand around the back of her neck, kissing her feverishly, pulling at her lip. Whiskey and sin between them. She knew there was a security detail outside of the door, so she tried her best not to breath too loudly. She slid her fingers down into Casey’s slacks and started to tease her, rubbing her over her underwear as the redhead tried to stifle the sighs and gasps.

“Alex,” she whispered, “we shouldn’t.” Her heart and her brain told her this was a terrible idea, but her body had already made its decision. “Oh, Alex.” She pulled the blonde’s lower lip, smirking as she dragged her teeth across. “Mmm.” Her head was spinning.

The blue-eyed attorney melted at the way Casey said her name, a name she hadn’t heard in so long. She was about to take the encounter further when there was a knock at the door.

“Hey, it’s Liv I’m just making sure everything is still okay in there.”

“We’re fine,” Alex called out “just finishing up some last-minute testimony questions.”

“Okay great, just let me know when you’re ready.” The brunette called through the door.

Casey’s body language changed the minute she heard it was Liv at the door. She felt sick. A wave of guilt washed over her. They weren’t together but her heart still belonged to Olivia.

“Hey you okay?” Alex looked at her, concerned.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” The ADA tried to play it off but almost immediately grabbed the trashcan and hurled into it. “Oh god this is so embarrassing, I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Hey, hey, shhh another time.” She rubbed the redhead’s back, “are you…okay? You didn’t really drink that much. You were fine until—was it something I did? I’m sorry you kissed me, and I got carried away.” She blushed.

“No, no Alex it wasn’t anything you did, you’re wonderful.” She glanced at the door and then down at the trashcan. When she leaned over the small gold chain fell loose from her shirt.

 Alex squinted and then it clicked, and the blonde’s face tempered. She sighed and looked at Casey sympathetically, “It was Liv, wasn’t it?”

The redhead looked up at her bleary eyed, head still over the trash, “I—don’t know where it went wrong. And I’m so sorry, I just ruined the moment. I find you very attractive, I just heard her voice and…”

“Hey, it’s okay, another lifetime maybe.” She consoled and held her to her chest. “You’re still in love with her aren’t you?”

“It’d be so much easier if I wasn’t.” the redhead sobbed.

“I get it, I was in love with her once too. She’s hard to get over.” Alex said, rubbing her hand up and down Casey’s arm. “But back then we were both deep in the closet and then I ended up in witness protection, so it all ended up a very depressing moot point.”

“I always figured there was something between you two, she wouldn’t talk about it. Then again I thought you were dead, so I never pushed.” She gave a halfhearted laugh.

Casey stepped away for a minute into the ensuite bathroom to get herself cleaned up and brush her teeth, mouthwash, etc.

 When she came out she found Alex leaning next to the door. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am really sorry for ruining the evening.” The redhead furrowed her brow and frowned.

Alex put her hands on her waist and pulled her close until their faces were almost touching. “If you ever find yourself in another lifetime, I hope you’ll think of me.” She laid a gentle kiss on Casey’s lips and then pressed her forehead to the younger woman’s.

“Could be a while?” the redhead joked and gave a half-hearted smirk.

“Something tells me it’s worth the wait.”

*****

“I wish these windows opened, I want to smell the city.” Alex whined as she looked out on to the financial district below.

Liv chuckled, “You mean the, uh, rotting garbage and diesel exhaust.”

The blonde craned her neck and rolled it against her shoulders, it was hard to keep to her voice from breaking, “Wisconsin is so quiet at night. Sometimes when I get homesick, I hum the Mister Softee song.” She pouted as a small smile crept across her face.

The brunette laughed through her nose and scrunched her mouth to the side. She leaned her back against the large glass window and looked at Alex. It had been a very long time since she had seen her at all let alone like that, her guard down, without the power suit armor she wore to court—just sweatpants and a soft top. Olivia stared at the strands of hair that fell and framed her ex-lover’s face, everything about it familiar. She started to tear up, both out of a sense of what they had once and out of shock that in that moment when it would be so easier to fall back into past patterns—all she could think about was Casey.

“Well—you making any friends?” Liv asked quietly, her voice pained.

Alex grimaced and let out a sad chuckle. “There’s a claims adjuster, at the insurance agency where I work. We’ve been seeing each other.”

Liv smiled, her levies in her eyes were about to breach. “Good.” She whispered.

“He’s a good man, he thinks I’m from Tulsa. And when we’re in bed at night he whispers my name… ‘Emily’” her blue eyes turned down to the floor.

“It’s hard being someone you’re not,” Liv placed her hand on Alex’s arm.

The blonde turned her attention away from the window towards the brunette and let out a frustrated sigh, “Olivia, what are you doing?”

Liv pulled her hand away, “I’m sorry I wasn’t trying anything.”

Alex chuckled, “That’s not what I meant, I meant what are you doing?” The detective looked at her puzzled. “That girl is crazy about you. You know that right?”

The brunette hung her head, her voice got quiet, “I know that.” She looked up into Alex’s familiar blue eyes, “How is it you know that?”

“I haven’t been gone so long that I don’t know how to read people. The amount of pain in Casey’s eyes when she heard your voice outside that door. Olivia you broke her heart. What I don’t get, is why?”

“Things just don’t work out sometimes.” Liv shook her head and looked down at the floor.

“That’s a load of crap Olivia and you know it,” she put her hands on Liv’s shoulders and leaned down in attempt to get her to look up at her, “Hey, look at me. Why don’t you just tell her the truth? Tell her why you’re so afraid.” Both her and the brunette had tears in their eyes. “You know you’re not broken right? Olivia there isn’t an evil bone in your body.”

The brunette had tears freely falling now, “You don’t know that. I want to believe that, but I can’t stop thinking, what if we had kids? I know she wants them, we’ve talked about it. What would I pass on? What if something snaps in me and I hurt her or our potential child? It’s safer to break her heart now.” She wiped her tears away and shook her head.

“Liv, you are not your genetics, you and I have proved that in court time and time again. Don’t miss a chance at happiness over this.” She hugged her and kissed her forehead holding her lips there for a few seconds, “Or because of anything else.” She whispered.

“I’ll always love you Alex and I hope that you and I will always be a part of each other’s lives,” her voice cracked as she spoke, “but Casey, I’m so in love with her and I’m afraid it’s way too late. I really screwed up.”

“It’s not Liv, trust me.” She pulled her into a tight hug. “And I’ll always love you too and will always be your friend. No matter what.” They embraced for a while until Alex pulled back and looked at Liv caringly, “Tell her.”

“Thanks Alex. We need to get some sleep because tomorrow is a big day.” She kissed Alex softly, it wasn’t a pass, it was just a thank you for being you. “I’ll take the couch.”

The blonde stopped in the bedroom doorway and looked behind her, “By the way not only can I read body language, but I also know your badge number, Benson. She’s still wearing it.” 

The next morning Alex was up before the sun, pacing around, trying not to break out in a sweat. Her nerves were definitely getting the better of her. In her furious pace she accidentally bumped the table which clanked her spoon in her coffee cup. Liv shot up on the couch gun in hand.

“Sorry,” the blonde grimaced, “Just me. I wasn’t watching where I was walking.”

The detective bolstered her weapon and rubbed her eyes, “You okay?”

“No,” Alex shook her head, “I can’t stop thinking like a prosecutor.” She took a deep, ragged breath, “Connors is going to sit in that courtroom tomorrow, looking like a choir boy.”

Liv shook her head in agreement.

“He’s going to charm the jury with his Irish brogue, and—and I have to make them see who he really is. But—” She buried her face in her hands and then threw them up in exasperation and Liv walked over to her bag.  “I don’t even know what makes him tick!”

“Alex—” the brunette handed the blonde a DD-5, “you didn’t see this file.”

****

                Casey tried to maintain her composure as she questioned Alex on the witness stand, trying not to think about the fact that twelve hours ago the blonde was sliding one of the delicate hands, now neatly folded in her lap, down the front of her slacks. “Finally, Ms. Cabot,” she locked on to blue eyes, placing her hand gently on the corner of the witness box, “would you describe to the jury what happened after you were shot.”

                Alex searched Casey, not able to maintain eye contact, her eyes traveled to her chest, what she would have given to listen to her heartbeat for just another minute. She tried to regain her composure, her eyes now searched the redhead’s full lips as she spoke. “I woke up in the hospital,” she started finally staring back into the ADAs hazel green eyes, “The marshals were there. They told me that I was dead, officially, and that the only way they could keep me alive was in Witness Protection.”

                “Thank you,” Casey smiled, trying not to give in to Alex’s stare. “Your witness.” Her face dropped as she turned towards Kessler.

                “That sounds like quite an ordeal,” Roger said as he stood up, “I think we’re all very moved by your experience.”

                “Do you have a question?” Alex annunciated and practically rolled her eyes at her old sparring partner.

                “Only one.” Kressler spat back, “Did you see my client shoot you?”

                “I saw his gun aimed at my heart.”

                “Please Ms. Cabot, just answer the question.” She could hear Kressler tell her this, but her eyes were locked on Connors. His eyes deadpan, lifeless stared back.  “On the night you were shot, did you see Liam Connors anywhere near the vicinity?”

                “No but he’s a coward. He likes to run away.” She smirked, she knew exactly what she was doing, it was like something reignited in her blood, a second nature. “Did you leave a family behind in Ireland, Mr. Connors?” The volume of her voice spiked.

                “Your honor—” Roger voiced in displeasure.

                “Ms. Cabot, please.” Preston urged her to stop.

                “You have absolutely no idea who shot you, do you?” Kressler’s tone started getting aggressive.

Casey furrowed her brow at Alex—What the hell is she doing, gunning for a mistrial? Don’t blow this Cabot.

                “Oh, I have an idea. It’s the kind of man who likes to rape a woman to make her talk.” The former prosecutor retorted, Liam’s face contorted in anger.

                “Let me rephrase, did you see Liam Connors shoot you?” Roger stepped forward putting emphasis on each word as he spoke.

                “No but I know it was him.” Her teeth gritted.

                “Objection your honor!”

                “It takes a lot of balls to shoot an unarmed woman and a sleeping child! Too bad your aim wasn’t a little better.”

                Liam stood up, his rage bubbled over, “You think you’re safe? They know where you are! You should’ve stayed dead!” he shouted as four court officers wrestled him back into his chair.  

                “Enough!” Preston raised her voice, “We’re in recess until Mr. Kressler can control his client. You may step down Ms. Cabot.”

                Casey’s eyes went back and forth between Connors and Alex, she smirked at Alex’s mad grab and how she couldn’t believe it actually worked. Hammond jumped up to follow Alex out of the courtroom.

*****

                Casey closed her eyes and held her breath as the verdict came back. A smile spread across her face as all counts came back guilty. Relief weighed heavy on Alex as she heard Liam Connors convicted on her attempted murder, something he had said earlier gave her the weary feeling that this wasn’t over.  

*****

                Elliot wrapped his arm around Novak as they walked down the hallway with everyone on the way to celebrate the conviction in her office.

                “Guilty on all counts.” She smiled quietly, she was proud of herself even if she knew the tipping point was actually the stunt Alex pulled.

                Stabler could still the sadness in her eyes surrounding recent events, “I never doubted it would be anything else.” He smiled at her like an impressed older sibling, she smiled back, thankful for him as he steered her into her office.

                “Let’s get this party started.” Liv smiled as she came through the other door holding two bottles of champagne and handed one to Mike.

                “Ooh, that’s what I’m talking about,” He smiled and brought the bottle over to the desk to crack it open.

                Liv looked over at Elliot and Casey laughing and teasing each other. She missed the fiery redhead, the way she smelled after a shower, the way it felt to hold her against her chest after a long day, the way her kiss tasted.

                “Alex knew just how to push Connors’ buttons,” Cragan brought her back from her thoughts.

                “She’s a great prosecutor.” The brunette shrugged, nonchalant.

                “And you gave her the ammunition.” He said softly.

                She was taken aback by his comment and stayed silent as Mike handed her a glass of champagne.

                “Don’t let me drink too much,” Casey teased Elliot, “Penalty face starts first thing in the morning.”

                “Slam dunk,” Stabler waved her off, “Live a little tonight.” He heard a noise from the hallway, “Is that her? Is that her?” He said in a hushed but excited tone.

                Everyone held up there champagne to toast Cabot as she walked through the door, smiles on all of their faces. Casey tried to quickly make herself more presentable, maybe with all of this behind them, she could see if Alex wanted to try again, maybe this time without the crying and the throwing up into the trashcan. However, smiles quickly turned to confusion as the only person who came through the door was Agent Hammond.

“Where’s Alex?” Liv asked, a sullen tone in her voice.

“Marshals are moving her and Antonio to new identities. She asked me to say goodbye.” His eyes moved from Liv unto Casey. The only person Alex had actually asked him to say goodbye to.

The redhead chewed her lip nervously as nodded, she understood the weight behind his look. As everyone turned to each other in shock he made another eye motion from Casey to her office couch. She furrowed her brow, this one she was unsure about. The nights festivities continued however bittersweetly.

“Goodnight,” the ADA sighed as Elliot hugged her and was the last one out the door. She closed it behind him and flopped back onto the couch only to jolt forward again. Her back had hit something hard, and it startled her, for a second she panicked that she may have become the new target of Connors’ and the cartel. She reached back behind the pillow and put her hand on something smooth and glass. Upon pulling it out, she found it was a significantly sized bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label with a note attached.

Casey crinkled her forehead and tilted her head in curiosity as she opened the note which read: “For another lifetime. -A”

She couldn’t help but smirk, “Maybe so, Cabot. Maybe so.” She smiled to herself and held the note to her chest when the door swung open. The redhead sat up startled to find a distressed Olivia “Really Poor Timing” Benson standing in her doorway, one hand palming the doorframe, the other hand palming the handle.

“Can we talk?”