#tagging bc thats what itll probably end up being

[dominic-sessa]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[gunmetal-ring]

for the choose violence ask game, because you haven't been choosing violence lately! (and you can do this for any ship if you want) 6, 13, 14 please :)

Oh hi! Also i do feel like ive chosen violence lately but scrolling thru my tumblr it seems like maybe its only been on discord not here so nvm then lmao. Thanks for your close eye im very flattered ❤️

6- which ship fans are the most annoying:

Okay im taking this literally - youre asking "annoying" not "what is the most evil behavior you have seen in the name of shipping" so im answering it as such. And itll probably be... well ig not rly a ship but more just the ppl who go to any and all lengths to insist that caryl is platonic bff status 4ever. Like theres ppl who just believe it and shrug, and there are ppl who make it their lifes fucking mission to pop up in rbs and rts and whatever to be like ACTUALLY THEY CALLED EACH OTHER THEIR BEST FRIEND SO THERE and its like a) im rly sorry that youve never had a partner that you consider your best friend and b) i feel very secure in my "dreamt they were married with a kid" and "i love you as parting words" knowledge that caryl is, in fact, romantic. But its annoying. Like little flies to swat away. Like who is this hurting. Actually in general anyone who goes out of their way to comment "i dont like this ship" on a post or whatever is annoying. Everyone is annoying. Except ppl who ship caryl and hellcheer.

13- worst blorboification

Mr guitar hero himself. Yes hes a gremlin idiot doofus w a heart of gold, but he is also an asshole who likes intimidating ppl and mocking ppl and generally being a menace. Thats WHY his scene w chrissy was so special. We saw him go straight from unprovoked yelling at a roomful of ppl and manhandling nervous children -> quite literally falling all over himself to make a sad scared pretty girl laugh. He contains multitudes. Hes not a one note puppy dog. Appreciate his assholery. Blorbify THAT.

14- that one thing you see in fics all the time

Oo... this is 100% choosing violence... OOOOO.......... OOO!!!!!! also im assuming this is meant to be "see it all the time and its a bad thing" so thats fhe reason for my ooos

There are so many. So many. SO. MANY. So many hellcheer fics w certain kinks that are extremely triggering and off putting to me and its not even always in a pwp context and its not always tagged either and it feels like its rapidly increasing in presence and frequency and i feel like you could probably piece together what it is from my hints + my previous posts vaguely mentioning it but believe me i have Thoughts and that is 100% choosing violence and anyway. Its in fics. A lot. And its upsetting as a general thing to me but the normalization of it is directly correlated w the lack of tagging it and yeah its just like. Gah

Anyway im gonna end on a happy nonviolencechoosing note and say my favorite fanon is that both eddie and chrissy are bi lmao bc im bi and also it seems like so many hellcheer shippers are bi also which is magnifique. I think part of it is the whole subversive aspect - cheerleader girl is supposed to be with jock boy but instead shes w antithesis of jock? Metalhead boy is supposed to hate conformity and instead is w the most stereotypical manifestation of conformity? Just rings very true to me as a bi woman re secret longing and innermost desire and scary-but-freeing acknowledgment of living outside your prescribed box etc etc. Anyway thanks/sorry lmao

[teethandclawsxx]

vent. big one . probably warning for medical stuff but ultimately i dont have the brain for tagging so read at your own risk LOL

in a violent and killing mood btw. my sheets dont stay on my bed for long and usually it wakes me up . but this time it didnt and my phone got slid up under my shoulder and mustve turned the alarm off like as soon as it started bc it didnt wake me up either. and tomorrow i was supposed to have a test done but i have to drink like 2l of barium for it (it just says two bottles but skerples did a similar test and it was 2l) and it has to be done within two hours but every time ive even had to drink like. 2l in 8 hours for tests i end up projectile vomiting bc my stomach gets so overfilled it just comes back out the top end bc the stuff takes hours to pass into my intestines. thats literally what the doc told me its caused by. so idk how they expect me to be able to drink 2l in 2hour. and ive got other labs to do on thursday and idk if the barium will effect that but ive already rescheduled it once day of and now im gonna have to do so again bc theres No Way im gonna be able to do it bc im not going to be able to sleep again before then and i cant eat after midnight but i also am not going to be able to eat BEFORE midnight bc its already 9 and my stomach is upset from being stressed about sleeping too long n bc when i got mad abt it dad started yelling at me and then he was like well yall tear me a new asshole when i get mad and i was just like well no. we tell you to stop yelling At Us when youre mad but we dont even yell at you. youre just yelling at me and telling me not to be angry. pointless and not the same. plus i normally cant eat for a few hours after waking up ANYWAY so mby the time i would be doing the test itll be like. ~20 hours since id eaten and that just isnt going to work. so i gotta reschedule it again but like in the next couple months im gonna lose my insurance bc im unemployed. but im unemployed bc im too sick to work so i NEED to have insurance but who cares if i live or die ig 🥴 and they said the main test they want to do will probably be 6mo after the barium test (its to check for crohns) so its not like im gonna be able to do it anyyyywayyy i just hope the labs on thursday come back quick enough. she said it could take up to a month so im scheduled to see her again like. 7/14 i think sonim just hoping that i still have insurance then and she can diagnose me with SOMETHING even though i doubt it and also that i still have insurance and can get my next 3mo of t but tbh even if i do have insurance i probably cant afford it... i already knew i probably wouldnt be able to stay on it longer than 9mo but id hate to have to stop after just 6 literally only bc it still costs like $65 WITH insurance (idk why bc like. my first set was only $5. the only difference is the newer set has preservatives but idk why it has to)..... basically. fuck

[number1rollerhazestan]

Ive seen a few mentions of ask blogs and such, but i dont think anyones actually bothered to start one. Now with the wiki I think it would be much easier to start one up. Would anyone be interested if I were to start one up? I dont have much of a story planned out but Im sure I could cook something up. Perhaps an exploration of the epilogues?

[batz]

youre just super cool and i. have post notifications on for you because you make me feel secure in an odd way and i wanna befriend u so bad but I'm!!!! nerbous,,,ALSO TELL US JR RAGGEY ANN MOVIE IDEA!!! 💞

OMG M SORRY FR TAKING SO LONG 2 RESPOND 2 THIS AAAA im just so rambley and whrn i ws asked abt the movie idea i essentially like..... froze up... my brain working 2 fast......... thinking abt Everything.......

ALSO omg u can come off anon whenever! i pride myself on bein chill (when it counts ofc..!) so dw fhskdhddjd i hope ur havin a good day..!

ALSO OK RAGGEDY ANN MOVIE IDEA again ill make a post about it soon but ill give some key points 2 it

- i want it to be 2D, but cgi/live-action works too. the medium doesnt exactly matter as long as it looks good. big thing is you never see the humans faces, the key focus is on the toys and should only Be on the toys. my voice hc for Ann would have 2 be Kate Micucci. but Andy is up in the air, rlly any weird white boy internet comedian works, like john mulaney or smthn? idk :/

- its a musical! obviously. u cant have a raggedy movie with some musical numbers. i would like it to be broadway-esque in genre but if they have 2 have a cash grab radiofriendly song in there thats cool too as long as its like... good

- main plot is a volland raggedy ann (one of the first made raggedys from 1918-late 1920s) is trying to find her brother after years of being separated. but due to being holed up in an attic for almost like. 90 years. she doesnt really remember much of him, other than the fact that they have matching tags indicating their previous owner. she sets out on a journey to find him, and its ur typical fish out of water/Im In The Future Woah kinda deal. when she does find andy, its in a toy museum, full of other raggedys..! andy is this rough n tough kinda guy, very rude and very brash. key point here is andy doesnt think ann is His Ann, kinda having this preconceived notion that His Ann would've been Cool and Adventurous. not the mousey kinda naive Ann he met, even tho This Ann is very certain that they were Real Sibs! (the brand does exist within the movies universe, so there are TONS of different anns and andys, thus the reason why andy is so skeptical). anyway shenanigans ensue, adventures are had, etc etc. the key point to this whole thing is that you never really get to know if they truly are sibs, at least, the sibs they knew Way Back When. but they grow closer n eventually see eachothr as sibs and thATS what MATTERS

- i want the moral of the story to be that, like, blood relation doesnt equate family. yea you never exactly Know if this ann and andy were 'actually' sibs but you know that by the end of the movie they are. its just a good moral thats not rlly explored in a lot childrens media.

- anns character is more similar to the 1977 animated movie, but with some. actual character. so, shes sweet n kind n affectionate, but also a little ditzy and naive. alongside that, shes rlly smart, handy and brave! shes forgetful, but adamant about the things she remembers. shes also fairly wise, in this childlike way. as her animator from the 1977 movie, shes like a wise little girl who is also 70 years old. shes like,,, v quirky fun lead, with some deep seated issues but also Gets Shit Done.

-andy is also similar to the 1977 movie, but again with like, some actual character added to him. hes a strong tough terrific boy, who's also audacious in nature? like hes just rude and obnoxious and a know-it-all. but, alongside that, he's insecure and anxious when met with Real Challenge. he often frets about remaining in Good Condition, mainly bc hes already had to get his leg reattached once, hes worth a LOT u know!!! but hes also sentimental, in a way that one would either not notice or not get to see. he takes his past very seriously, and even though he cant remember too much since, again, 100ish years is a long time, he finds himself drawn 2 what once was! so like, ur typical brave cocky lead, but also hes kind of just a big baby..!

- their personality differences definitely cause them to butt heads, and woild obv cause the keypoint in the movie where they go their separate ways. (NO it wont be the misunderstanding trope i hate those... itll probably just be an outright disagreement)

- i wont get into the actually Plot yet, bc i had too many ideas, but im certain itll lean toward either trying to find Ann's Andy, with Rude Andy™ being the sidekick. or something to do with the toy museum andy resides in.. hmmmm

- yea!!!! im being crimge but I DOMT CARE.... have a raggedy post!!!!

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier�� its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[sorikkung]

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ soft bias tag

stolen not tagged bc im a fucking pleb who doesnt get tagged in shit ripppp LONG POST WARNING IM SORRY MOBILE USERS

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 1. WHO IS YOUR BIAS?

i really can’t choose between got7′s bambam and stray kids’ felix bc both are my ults so fuck the system i’m gonna do this as a poly au bc the world needs more poly shit and felix and bambam would be such a good pair

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 2. WHAT MADE YOU NOTICE THEM?

i noticed bambam first, technically i first glanced him in girls girls girls bc i was anime trash before i was kpop trash and he rEALLY looked like nishinoya from haikyuu so i called him nishinoya and thought he’d just be a first glance bias, until i saw a compilation of got7s dumbest moments and most of them were jackbam and i saw two specific clips that i recall, the one where they had to do the ugly dance of gggs outside the jyp building and bambam literally spazzed on the floor?? and the iconic how do you know im not big moment. i looked at him and went “tHAT ONE. THAT ONE, I WANT THE TRASH CHILD.” been in love ever since.

felix singlehandedly got me to stan stray kids, i first glanced changbin in hellevator then highkey forgot abt them as the show aired. then my friend sent me this clip of felix’s verse in grr from the live stage bc at this point the album hadnt even dropped yet. i was shook to the next dimension from his deep ass voice and his growling and i wanted to hear more so i watched the show and only fell in love with him more.

i betcha if this poly were to happen felix would see bambam dabbing and go “OMG IM NOT THE ONLY ONE STILL DABBING IN 2K18″ and bambam would see felix dabbing and be like “OMG HES CONTINUING MY LEGACY” and they’d hit it off from there

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM?

for both of them, i love how they’re both absolute crackheads. like they’re actually so stupid and what the fuck is going through their heads???? they make me smile like and idiot and laugh like no other so of course i love them. plus they have this adorable sweet side to them apart from them being memes and its so heartwarming to see that soft side come out, it makes them so much more of a three dimensional character cause there’s all these sides to them and they’re like so hardworking too and did i mention handsome? plus their love for their members ugh i could go on!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 4. WHO WOULD INITIATE SKINSHIP MORE?

tough call bc im a HOE for affection and skinship but id honestly be too afraid to make them uncomfortable/be too clingy that they’d get annoyed at me so at first it would probably be felix bc lets be real. he comes from stray kids. have you seen bang chan? they bring skinship to a new level. once we all get settled in tho, i bet the three of us would be physically inseperable.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 5. WHO WOULD HOG BLANKETS MORE?

literally all of us. i always end up biasing ppl similar to me sigh we’d be so fucking wild. i betcha that would be the one thing we have regular fights over. who hogged the blanket this time???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 6. WHO WOULD BE MORE CLINGY?

felix. as mentioned in the initiate skinship, hes really clingy. then it would be me bc i am too. but thats not to say bambam isnt clingy, he’d be super clingy too but me and felix would bring it up a notch.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 7. WHO WOULD SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’ FIRST?

m e. i’d just let it slip out after they do some dumb shit and id just go “wow youre such a fucking dumb dork i actually love you” and then have an o shit moment.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 8. WHO WOULD BE MORE EASILY FLUSTERED?

M E bc bambam is a smOOTH motherfucker and felix is an affectionate motherfucker and i am w e a k although i feel like they’d be easily flustered if they were teased, which i would do, but i think i’d be flustered the most.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 9. WHAT CUDDLING POSITION WOULD YOU TWO HAVE?

i wanna be sandwiched inbetween them bc im shorter than both of them lmaoo. but i bet we’d all bicker of who’s turn it is to be in the middle. another one would be when sitting on the couch, and we’d sit in eachothers laps in height order. itll work somehow.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 10. WHICH COLORS REMIND YOU OF THEM AND WHY?

bambam makes me think of black, white, red, and purple. black and white is bc his fashion sense is like modern and chic and those were also his most iconic hair colours. red because of his signature eyeshadow. purple just seems like a colour that would suit him, it’s royal and elegant but also homey and familiar?? but tbh he can make any colour his bitch.

felix is yellow, gold, orange, and brown, bc theyre warm colours like him!! the brighter colours are bc hes bright like the sun and the browns when its a more chill day, and its all down to earth and just feels like home.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 12. WHICH SEASON WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND WITH THEM?

ooft tough one...spring so i can spend my birthday with them (cause in AUSTRALIA spring is in september to november) and its cold at the start so we can have snuggle dates, and its hot at the end so we can go to beaches and have water fights and stuff!! and in the middle its perfect weather for nice strolls.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 13. WHO WOULD BAKE THE COOKIES AND WHO WOULD STEAL THE BATTER?

bambam can cook apparently and he likes being aesthetic af so he’d be trying his best to make the most bomb ass cookies, and then felix i bet is a disaster in the kitchen so i bet both of us will be stealing the batter while not helping at all and bams will be like “thanks for nothing you guys” and once realising that we weren’t gonna stop he’d turn on us and throw flour at us or something. foodfight!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 14. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD MAKE BAD PUNS AND HOW WOULD THE OTHER REACT?

i am a hoe for bad puns it would totally be me all the time. bambam would look so disappointed in me and felix would just burst out laughing with me, and bambam would crack bc how can he stay mad?? if it was an inside joke or a reference to smth and not some random pun, bams would be the first to lose it tho.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 15. WHO WOULD WANT TO ADOPT 50 DOGS AND CATS?

me and bambam!!!! bambam already has like 3 cats and id be like ok lets get three MORE and MORE and felix is like “but im a dog person :(((” (at a fansign he said he was rip) so id be like well dogs are great as well lets get fifty of those too!!!

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 16. WHICH ONE OF YOU WOULD NEARLY BURN DOWN THE KITCHEN TRYING TO MICROWAVE A POP TART AND WHO WOULD COME TO THE RESCUE?

i wouldn’t be fucked microwaving poptarts (although id probably burn down the kitchen trying to cook eggs or smth but this is about poptarts so its not be this time.) so it would probably be felix and then i’d come to the rescue bc i have fire safety training from scouts.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 17. WHO LIKES TO LEAN OVER TALL RAILINGS AND WHO PULLS THEM BACK?

bambam and i would lean over the tall railings and felix would pull us back bc as seen in the amusement park episode of the 9th, hes a pussy lmfAO he’d have a mini heart attack

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 18. WHAT WOULD WATCHING A HORROR FILM WITH THEM BE LIKE?

bambam would act all tough and felix would be like “o shit pls no” and both of them would scream at the jumpscares and cling to eachother or me, whoever’s closest. i’d probably sit there and laugh and tease them for being a baby bc horror movies aint shit with me. but the rare occassion i do get scared, i’d lose my shit and they’d never let me hear the end of it. “whos the baby now huh??”

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 19. WHO WOULD BE THE CHEESY FLIRT AND WHO WOULD BE THE SMOOTH FLIRT?

bambam is definitely the smooth flirt but he can be cheesy as well?? like he’d be smooth at times and smooth and cheesy other times. felix would be plain cheesy but sometimes he’d be smooth. same with me, i’d be a bit of both?? maybe slightly more smooth idk

*♡ ���･ﾟﾟ･ 20. WHO IS MORE COMPETITIVE? felix i feel like would be competitive in the moment but calms down quickly, bambam would be SUPER competitive and be a little petty afterwards if he lost or smug af if he won but after a while he’ll cool down as well, i’m probably the most competitive and most likely to hold a grudge or to rub it in their faces the longest lol.

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 21. WHO WOULD HAVE TO BE GIVEN CONSTANT REMINDERS? (REMEMBER TO EAT, DON’T FORGET YOUR KEYS, ETC) idk...? all of us love to eat so i dont think taking care of ourselves will be forgotten, but i tend to lose things so maybe me being reminded idk???

*♡ ｡･ﾟﾟ･ 22. WHO SENDS MEMES AND WHO SENDS CUTE ‘I MISS YOU’ TEXTS AT 3AM?

ALL OF US! we’d have a group chat and see who could stay up until 4:20 to send dumb memes but if we get too tired earlier we’d sign out with some sappy message idk it would be a total wildcard whether the late night messages would be cute and sweet or straight up memes. i feel like a lot of the time it would be both, like starting off with some cute thing and ending it anticlimactically with a meme bc we’re dorks like that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

did i ever tell u poly!bamlix is all i ever needed in life??? thank you for your time i tag @just-oneofthegays and @neo-urban annd @bqngtqn <3

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

[theday]

anyways, ill say bye now... i hope ure well rested and have a good day!! (wait, i remember what i wanted to ask!! at least i think this is what i wanted to ask? anywys, do u know what u want to do now that ure finished w school? if u dont mind me asking, of course, i understand if u think its a bit personal!) ok, now im done, have a good day!! take care and stay hydrated!! (and now i really did send u a bunch of asks..)

omg i hope u dont mind but ill be answering the stuff from ur last ask here (the one where i… deleted everything) under cut bc itll be 2x longer now

so first !!!!! how i got into kpop!!! it was thanks to my good pal (@.briwoon) boxy! i follow her on twitter and despite her being a day6 stan twt i had her unmuted anyway bc.. after years of being an anime blog on tumblr and seeing all my anime mutuals slowly converting into kpop blogs one by one i was able to filter the kpop out of my brain?? smth like that since back then i wasnt into kpop and i didnt want to unfollow since im mutuals with most of them :-0 

another backstory - i was one of those people who never saw themselves getting into kpop? and i think the main reason was bc i thought liking kpop would make u seem lame?? due to the influence from people around me?? but as years went by and as my mutuals changed interests it stopped bothering me and that mindset kind of just? faded away bc who am i to call other people’s happiness bad?? but despite being okay with it i never really made the move to get into any groups lmao that was until i got tired of my interest at that time (seiyuu, japanese voice actors) and my interests would always. not last?? idk so maybe thats why i didnt want to get invested but it happened regardless 

anyway usually i wouldnt take notice of her rts but this . this beautiful man with orange hair and minion glasses caught my eye when i was scrolling through my timeline and i was like o worm? oh mu god? hes beautiful? so i slid into her dms and asked her whomst the beautiful man was and she sent me all their mvs after that from congratulations to i smile (the most recent mv at that time, late june) for me to watch :-D now at that time, from what little knowledge i had of kpop.. i understood that groups would be singing and dancing so i was prepared to see some sick moves or smth?? but then. i clicked on miss i smile and my wig flew off? bc… wtf.? they were playing instruments???? and they sounded good ??? so i was like oh my god? a band??????

before day6 i also had (have) a preference for bands and the way their music sounds so i was like?? ready to just. get on board yknow?? i watched how can i say and i saw the lanky noodle wearing glasses and i was like o fuck mu life? i caved and asked boxy for their names and other information and best decision of my life bc.. they really make me happy!!! after that like the day after ? myabe they did a vlive and i was like o shit? what do i do… so i downloaded the vapp and wowie i love it? its my second home…… i watched every vlive they had at that time and i thought that was a lot… (it isnt, compared to mx) and i was just rly content??

(ok i know u asked for kpop and not … day6 or other groups bc im gonna talk abt how i got into mx and astro too bc…… how can i Not.. u can skip this part tho i just wanna ramble abt my loves? ill tell u when u can continue)

that was peak happiness for me at that time.. until… boxy started talking about monsta x in our groupchat (with @.tokayhk) and she would just ramble abt this kihyun fella (who i vaguely knew bc my real life friend likes him and mx and i bought her his pc before along with the guilty clan part 2) so i was like hmm interesting… and honestly? i wasnt going to get into monsta x i really wasnt planning on asking her abt them (since i was scared id lose interest in day6 right after) but then.. she started linking videos and i .. my resolve crumbled down as i heard monsta x yelling and … this beautiful cover (which boxy sent to show us how powerful kihyuns vocals are but i was 2 focused on mister aka minhyukku) and she told us how funny these monsta men are and i was like o h no…………….. eventually one day in late august i asked her to tell me more about these monstas…… aftert that i watched every mxray episode (starting from season 2 bc i dont know 1 comes before 2) and even though i didnt know anyone who was on screen except jooheon i found it really funny and?? it made me laugh so much i love mx?? ya… boxys kind of like my guardian angel?? shes really the reason im living tbh… introducing me to all these lovely people?? thank u miss boxy i love u

now. for the astrosus….. they were a bit different.. because i didnt have boxys help and they were the first group i took interest in solely bymyself so i knew i was in for a wild ride (at first, i couldnt even differentiate brian from sungjin in day6 lmao) after stanning monsta x and day6 i became more?? open to kpop and i started watching unhelpful guides on youtube bc . they were funnie and idk its nice??/ and i stumbled upon the astro one (which wasnt that funny but more helpful than anythng) and i was like. oh worm? the cicada group… bc i watched a short clip of them catching that stupid cicada in their office as it appeared on my tl one day so i clicked on the video ..and after watching that it led me to another video of astro being extra for 6 minutes and those six minutes/????? best six minutes of my life because theyre so fnny and they made me laugh a lot? (combined with the editing from op) so bc they were funnie i decided to look them up and read their profiles/??? i watched their nimdle video and only knew mj bc his tag was the two letters m and j lol but it really made me bust both of my lungs i just?? laughed A Lot 

im not sure how i managed to put name to face so quickly but it mightve been bc after the nimdle videos i watched every ddoca and astro play as well as their vlives available bc..  i just inhale the content at godspeed?? 

for mx and astro i was drawn in by their personalities before their music because they were on more variety shows and had more chances to show dorky they all are which made it way quicker for me to fall for the two groups??? for day6 its a bit sad but the weekly scheduled vlives arent enough for me to tell what kind of people they are (although those r still hilarious) i just wish they would go on more variety shows?? its understandable if they themselves dont want to be on any shows though!!! i love all 3 groups with all my heart :-D 

ok if u skipped u can start from here ill be answering the questions now lmao

FIRSTof all,,,,, youre learning how to drive?? thats so cool >:-0 we’re not allowed to learn until we’re like...?? 18?? or 21 idk but not so Soon :-( and its cute u think abt me (or of what to say) but pleaseth stay safe... i hope ur driving lessons go smoothly until u end theM!!! hopefully youll be able to get ur licence :-D 

aNDD!!! the thought of drinking warm tea when its cold outside.. is so ?? nice to think about hecc u better drink that tEA and enjoy it !!!! stay warm and comfy miss RM ..... and it even snows there????? thats so cool tbh ?? (i love snow but maybe thats bc it doesnt snow here so i dont know the tru evil of snow but like.... its so.... white and fluffy??) i would ask u 2 take pics and show me but alas...... the time is not right :-( do u know when we’re allowed to expose ourselves?? i forgot rip... but its sometime next month right im excited???? since its near my birthday !!!!! 

ok now to answer this ask no i actually have no clue what i want to be after i finish school?? yikEs but last year i (jokingly) said i wanted to be a farmer??? idk if i might actually do that probably not i guess im just freestyling (going with the flow) for now we’ll see where life takes me 

and like i said u can ask me anything !!! im fine with it :-) alsooooo please dont ever feel bad about sending too many asks bc its a lovely thing to wake up to and i just?? get rly happy when i see all the asks in my activity :-D!!  

[possibilistfanfiction]

hiya! i notice you tag a lot of your posts with 'nora, sloane, etc.' i understand these are characters for a story you're doing. i'm curious: what's the story about?

ok ! well @turnandchasethewind (olivia) & i have been working on the sketches for this show for like. a Long time lmao it has as most projects do grown & changed & become something entirely its own & i think it’s really awesome & lovely & am rly rly jazzed for it to move forward one day

anyway the working title for it is called views, & it basically follows sloane & nora, best friends who live & work in toronto. they met when they were 18/19 at a catering gig (terrible) & theyre the kind of love that is this epic soft quiet fun powerful love between female friends. they’re young & they’re a little lost always, & the world hurts, but like. they’re Good. the current storyline begins when they’re in their early/mid-twenties & nora meets ridley, who becomes her girlfriend. ridley is rly rly lovely & beautiful & whip smart & v kind & sloane hates her which is altogether mostly funny but a little sad

sloane ideally would be played by maia mitchell just for a visual but like. a grungier cooler hot mess version of maia bc like. sloane is a trash kid she’s our absolute fav she has tons of stick n pokes & her hair is a mess or buzzed (or both) & she will wear vans until they r literally falling off. she shops mostly at black market & she got this bike off kijiji that’s like 800% terrifying. she was diagnosed with bipolar I when she was 18 & shes on meds but its obviously still smth she deals with every day. shes from vancouver & she dropped out of mcgill after An Episode but mostly bc she hated it & she moved to toronto a few months after that (which is p much immediately when she met nora). shes like our token white character shes funny everyone drags her constantly abt so many things but they Love sloane. she eats Shit food unless nora’s parents buy her groceries & she drinks a lot & sometimes she has lil spirals but she has a dog named carly rae who helps a lot. she also has a big brother named whit he’s trans & he lives in brooklyn & she Adores him. shes a tremendously talented musician but ofc being a musician is v difficult so she also works a bunch of weird jobs between music gigs. she lives in a funky apartment in kensington w like six rotating roommates. she plays sets at the beaver all the time. if sloane was gonna write a song it would be ‘young’ by vallis alps but if sloane had a themesong its a tie between i wanna get better by bleachers & control by halsey & buzzcut season by lorde & then a rly rly sad cover of i rly like you by carly rae

nora is laura harrier bc like Hot & also biracial so thats dope. shes a baker & she works at a rly cute lil bakery on queen west & she always looks so pretty & put together & she rides this beautiful linus bike everywhere w a fucking basket & everything she wears so much birds of north america & oak + fort & rly just anything from victoire & she has like 12 pairs of blundstones. shes from etobicoke & her parents are both immigrants so nora is first generation canadian shes v v invested in how that all interacts shes a smart cool kid. she’s bisexual she came out when she was 16 bc she Literally got drunk in a closet & she has a history of dating Truly shitty ppl so sloane is like v v Hesitant when she falls for ridley. she has some beautiful tattoos & some silly stick n pokes, mostly w sloane. she has a rly cool little sister named kennedy who goes to ryerson & nora went to george brown. shes rly passionate abt intersectional feminism & she volunteers w a few different organizations around the city that help lgbtq+ youth shes like. a Good person & also sloane ADORES her & nora is in a v real kinda love w sloane theyre the v best pals. also girl can Drink. once a month regardless of how cold it is she & sloane make rly good pot brownies & go to trinity bellwoods & eat them & they end up Laughing a lot. nora also fosters w save our scruff bc she & sloane adopted carly rae together but carly rae is like an emotional support animal for sloane so she spends most of her time at sloane’s apartment so bc of that nora likes to foster dogs its rly cute. she has a beautiful lil tiny studio off euclid & queen. if nora had a themesong its like some dope gay (bi) ass mix of company by tinashe & feelin myself by nicki but then she meets ridley so shes like all night by bey

pls know that nora & sloane sometimes get Rly drunk at the greenroom in the annex mostly bc they love smoking in the lil alleyway its like. their trash special place. & their songs r like. california by grimes & love gang by whethan ft charli xcx & ribs by lorde 

ok in our heads ridley is played by aj but mostly bc its hot & we love her lol, ideally ridley is quebecois metis. she has a degree in physics but her parents just both died so shes kinda taking a break from everything & rn shes a florist in the shop next to noras bakery on queen west. shes from montreal but she went to school in the states & she has a longtime ex named ash. theyre non binary & ridley & ash are still rly good friends which sloane is like Suspicious abt but nora is like sloane jfc. ridley is rly smart she wears a Lot of stay home club & j brands & she & nora have a lot of shoes n boots that look almost identical. shes queer & shes kinda just been queer forever? her parents were scientists so it was always a v inclusive educated lil home she grew up in. she was named after ridley scott & everyone always jokes that she was conceived during alien lol & honestly she probably was. shes rly funny & she has beautiful tattoos & pretty pretty eyes & nora falls for her rly fast. she has a lil quebecois accent & sometimes she forgets words in english when shes drunk or tired. she & nora first kiss outside of the beaver in the snow theyre in the alley behind the gladstone w rly beautiful street art they were smoking cigarettes & its just. soft. so queer. ridleys lil songs r hold by vera blue & 21 moon water by bon iver & Mostly corbeau by coeur de pirate

sloane has a plot twist & falls in love w jack who is half-japanese & hes rly good friends w ridley which is the plot twist part a little but the BIG plot twist part is that she falls in love at all bc she is Convinced no one can handle her & she isnt stable enough for romantic love etc etc. but jack is so good hes so smart & hes a music therapist for kids on the spectrum its like Absurd how good a person he is. hes trans & hes abt to have top surgery like a few months after he meets sloane & she goes for a while & is like blah blah im not in love w him whatever its just sex but then shes So worried abt him being ok during & after surgery & she cares abt him so much & she gets Rly drunk & cries abt it to nora its funny. one day sloane is having a rly rly bad lil depressive episode & nora has been outta town all weekend w her parents & kennedy at their cottage in muskoka & so nora texts jack like. yo sloane has bipolar i she shouldve told u this but like i gotta tell u now bc shes havin a meltdown so pls go over & bring her food from fresh get the falafel tacos & like all the pressed juice ill venmo you & Pls make her shower if she buzzed her hair try to find the scalp treatment i got her from lush its in her dresser top drawer. also shes gonna wanna drink just let her do that & make sure she takes her meds she’ll be ok itll take a day or two & hes like ok. a lot but ok. & he goes & he brings sloane food & a tshirt of his & he gets her into the shower & out to the couch & puts on superstore & she curls up into him on one side & carly rae on the other & she cries a little but honestly its not so bad & like. hes so in love w her its wild she never thought that would happen its a fun plot twist even olivia & i didnt plan on

so anyway the whole show is kinda an ode to toronto & an ode to being young & in love w your friends in a rly profound way & also what its like to fall in love w ppl u might wanna spend ur life with, a kinda love thats v new. its abt queerness & gender & race in a way thats v much present but all of the main characters r rly informed & rly like passionate abt intersectional feminism & thats a cool aspect we r both v excited abt. also sloane deals v realistically w a balance between being stable w bipolar I & also being v creative & v connected to making music which is smth thats v important to me esp. nora was sexually assaulted before she met ridley (HATE!) but we delve into that as well. 

mostly like. its just ‘we’re never done w killing time/ can i kill it w you/ i’d like it if you stayed’ 

[sveltae]

20 Questions !!

tagged by my pal @juuuliaw

i tag: @firstdegreefangirl annnd that’s about it 

i did not ask for this

i have no friends

1. how tall are you? im 5′1 and three quarters !! i often experience my “pals” using my shoulder as an arm rest !!

2. what color and style is your hair? slightly wavy, side-parted dark brown hair. i guess you could say i have a girl emo fringe but thats mainly bc im too lazy to do anything w my hair, as it is tOO THICK TO FUNCTION. i can barely put it into a ponytail for fuck sake ((side note: due to my lack of sleep and high levels of stress my hair actually has hundreds of different undertones like white, blonde, red, and all that jazz but you cant see them unless i put my hair up !! )) ((its not cool its unbelievably unhealthy))

3. what color are your eyes? the vibrant and enticing shade of shit brown

4. do you wear glasses? i actually have 19/10 horrible vision and i do need glasses, but instead i wear night time contacts. theyre pretty cool as you wear the same pair every night and once you remove them in the morning you can magically see !! however my doctor refuses to give me my prescription, which saddens me as i am sometimes too lazy to put on my contacts and render close to blind the following day

5. do you wear braces? glad i got that hell over with in september 2k16

6. what is your fashion sense? literally the first thing i reach in my closet 

7. do you have any siblings? one 11-year-old sister who annoys the holy crappu out of me but i love her anyways :3

8. what kinda student were/are you? teachers hate me because i never fail to live up to my standard of know-it-all/smart ass in every class i participate in (that’s all of them) however i do make an effort to maintain rather good marks in my classes (how does one say this without being obnoxious and sounding like theyre gloating?? idk im really not trying to brag i personally think grades are a satanic concept)

9. what is your favorite subject? i love learning in general and have a certain affinity for specific aspects of every subject, but if i had to choose id probably go with algebra and language arts.

10. favorite tv shows? ...im guessing anime doesnt count

11. favorite books? dont make me fuckin decide

12. favorite pastime? reading, arting, violining, singing, musicing in generaling, volleyballing, archerying, tumblring, youtubing, eating, laughing, talking, and many more -ings

13. any regrets? giving up ice skating when i had the potential to be a junior olympian, giving up ballet when i was the prima ballerina of my class, giving up cello, giving up piano, starting volleyball late, not standing up for my friends in school, being an antisocial and depressed fuck in elementary school, being born, to name a few

14. what is your dream job? dont make me decide. although im a v dramatic person and ending up on broadway or youtube is the ultimate dream, i know im too awkward and alternative for most people so for now im just drifting along

15. ((@juuuliaw did not include this in her tag, so itll be blank until i can edit it in))

16. do you want to have kids? i being an ace and aro fuck wish to adopt a daughter and make her as flawless as i (nah jk shed just end up being really obnoxious and annoying if i raised her to be like me but i do want to adopt a daughter)

17. how many countries have you visited? two countries (china and canada), but ive been to almost every state in america!

18. whats the scariest dream youve ever had? ive trained myself to avoid sleeping because whenever i sleep i have horrible dreams about death and loved ones leaving me forever but enough about that shit

19. do you have any enemies? i secretly have a burning passionate hatred for a myriad of bastards ive encountered in my (relatively short) life time but i manage to conceal it and actually come off as quite charismatic can ya fuckin believe it la dee fuckin da pals

20. do you have a datemate? lmao no

[conspiracieys-archive]

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

GASP. its the THING?! thank u so much wtf. i have.. a lot of mag7 wips

Mag7 FO4 AU, Part 8: haven’t really decided what this part’s gonna be abt in detail. cause like, in part 6 i promised parts 7 and 8 would be abt Billy and RH, but part 7 is more just abt Billy & his suppressed memories... i kinda want 8 to be about Billy as R6-25 travelling thru the ‘Wealth, going thru the RR and BOS shit and meeting Goody, but... i got this idea in my head abt R6′s initial introduction 2 the ‘Wealth where he’s scared and alone and then Courser X7-33 finds him and ... feels bad??? bc wouldnt it be something if Billy’s escape was the trigger for Red Harvest’s?

Mag7... Naruto AU?!: so u know those naruto si/oc rebirth fics.. where the character dies and is reborn (usually into Sakura?) in the Naruto universe...? this but Sam dies and is reborn into Sasuke (ive read 2 fics like this and loved one of them and was confused by the other). but usually its OCs/SIs so its easier 2 put it in a particular category but this one gives me all kinds of trouble from writing to posting bc its Sam-centric as he copes in the Naruto world n stuff so its heavier in Naruto elements than mag7 elements.

RedSam Witches AU: i actually have this entire thing planned out. theres like 7 chapters + an epilogue. the matter is... writing it? i have motivation but u know when the words just won’t work? yeah. it’s a spin on a completely different au and, w/ Erin’s help, a lot of the backstories and small details r built up and planned out so it could be its own fic with another set of Slice of Life fics (bc i find Slice of Life so relaxing to work on)

Lil’ Dom, CH6: speaking of slice of life. lil’ dom is my only published gta v fic and its centered around Franklin accidentally becoming Dom Beasley Jr’s dad bc Senior forged Frank’s signature on his will and then committed suicide yanno. but ch6 is.. the Ominous Dr’s visit and frankly i havent been to a doctor in a rly long time so its a lil bit of a struggle to write? but i think after i get all the Big Parenting Chapters done, itll be easier 2 write (big parenting chapters means doctors visits, school enrolling, initial dentist visit (and if i get the first dr visit done, then alls left will b the dentist but Franklin seems like he would put that off bc HE needs to go to the dentist too)) idk this is one of the most calming fics ive ever written and i never... work on it... but i should....

FaraSamQuez 6+1: started a Faraday/Sam/Vasquez loosely based in canon 6+1 fic. (3 times Faraday was jealous of Vasquez interacting with Sam, 3 times Vasquez was jealous of Faraday interacting with Sam, and one time Sam was like ‘why are you both idiots’). its an Everyone Lives/No One Dies ending tho so thats nice

DNA P3: the... 3rd installment in my... Nora/Virgil porn series... after a lot of waffling over what kinks it should be about, i picked one so...

my dark skysolo au: ever wip and ever on going bc sometimes i get New Ideas for it

A Mysterious NoraVirgil fic: ????? i want to fuck super mutants but only the civil ones and theres so few civil mutants. anyway this one would be like 2 or 3 chapters and it would be exploring the affects the Fog has on mutants (inspired by how Erickson reacted 2 the Fog and Vim! when him and his group settled in the Vim! factory) but... yanno... lots of smut bc... god im... i just. Yeah.

a Mysterious EricksonNora fic: i say mysterious but honestly its just gonna be Erickson rawing tf out of Nora in the middle of the Island at like 3am when all the dogs r asleep. dogs asleep, fuck Nora.

VirgilNoraErickson fic: would technically take place in the DNA Universe after Virgil is human. n he decides to go w Nora to Far Harbor (probably w Preston OR Danse but they stay behind when Nora is like ‘i heard abt this Super Mutant in the Island’ and they side eye Virgil and theyre like ‘yeah take him and ur guns’ and thats it (but if Deacon was there he would go ;))) anyway its very... look i just cant write abt Nora/Super Mutant without it being porn bc im an awful human being i guess. but anyway its gonna primarily be Nora fucking Erickson, a mutant, while her beautiful handsome ex-mutant boyfriend jacks it. im just slam dunking all my kinks into Nora and Virgil they make it easy

i think someone requested a NoraRichter sequel months ago?: so that might happen

ok thats enough from me. i probly have more but these r the ones... that i know i need to/want to work on. (except the naruto au. i just want to talk about it with some1 but alas.)

tagging: @fadinglight123 and... honestly idk which ones of u are writers. but i sure as shit know Erin has a Lot of WIPs to talk about ;) so if u wanna do this lmk and i’ll add u to this tag list??

[anyhao-archived]

5 things tag meme

alright i was tagged by @actualprincejun (sorry this is so late! you’re the real mvp always tagging me in stuff ilu) to do the 5 things.... tag meme! this is gonna end up being long bc i tend to babble so i’ll put it under a readmore

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

it depends on if you mean backpack or purse. i’ll go with backpack bc that’s more interesting lol i’ll always have 

1) professional stuff like my wallet, school ID, textbooks, etc. along with a million pencils. seriously. idk why i have so many of them?? also my glasses

2) headphones, for obvious reasons lol i dont go anywhere w/o them. 

3) a pack of gum bc god knows i cant go through life without gum lol also for that reason where you can offer gum to people you dont know to socialize with them, PRO TIP FOR ALL YOU ENTERING COLLEGE bring gum so you can give some to your neighbors in class/partners, they’ll like you much better i promise. dont wait for them to ask, offer!!! 

4) i usually have a stash of extra tampons and pads on the off chance i get my period or someone needs one lol

5) a miscellaneous item. it changes by the day. sometimes itll be a bunch of plastic bags, or (most likely) food of some sort lol but ive also found a twenty dollar bill at the bottom of my backpack so its rly just... random. one time i found a gift card to borders, which is funny bc they had been out of business for years when i found that lmao

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

im a huge fan of collecting random shitty trinkets that are no use to me whatsoever, so i’ll pick my 5 favorites i guess lol which will likely be incredibly hard... im a hoarder

1) ive got a cute little plant that im convinced is dying, im sorry! the leaves are still green so... i guess its still alive at least a little bit

2) ive got a relatively big replica of the boats from like the 1400s, you know the ones with all those sails and you think of pirates when you see it? yeah thats it 

3) on my wall there’s a bunch of masquerade masks pinned up there, one of them is really nice, im surprised ive not broken it yet. along with the masks are some beautiful folding fans, the ones you always see in historical movies. they’re really breathtaking

4) OH I CANT FORGET ve got my day6 daydream album poster on my wall i love it to bits it just... fits my room so well. i didnt put my mamamoo or seventeen poster up bc day6 feels better in my room

5) ive also got a bunch of these weird... hand things. like ive got two porcelain sculptures of hands put together, holding palms up, like when youre trying to hold water in your hands. i use one of them to put my keys everyday so i know where they are. ones a coin holder. and ive also got a mini statue of just a regular hand and i put my necklaces/jewlery on the fingers to hold. its pretty cool

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life:

1) SKY DIVING!!!!! i am determined to go sky diving before i die. coincidentally, when i get in a... bad .. mood i always remind myself of that pact and im like Alright....... and i feel less bad in that sense i guess. ive seriously wanted to do it for so long but never had the chance/money

2) become fluent in another language will always be one of my lifelong goals. once i learn one, i want to learn another. my problem is i just cant stick with one

3) live in a house with a secret room like with those bookshelves. man that would be cool

4) have all the weird pets. i want a pet rat, a pet iguana, a pet ferret, a parrot, lol that rhymed, you know all the good ones

5) travel, obviously

5 things I’m currently into:

1) writing. i dont think ill ever not be into writing, just my interest will fluxuate i suppose

2) making gifs! i just recently started that and with a friend’s help learned how to do quite a few things in photoshop, so im still trying to learn more about it

3) fuck if i know?? i dont have any interests unless i have 1 and im hyper aware of it

4) in that case kpop i guess

5) ???? someone please tell me who i am

5 things on my to-do list:

1) shower lmao i hate when i dont have stuff to do during the day bc i dont shower i just.... sit. and be on the computer. which is seriously not healthy for me ive found, its a big cause of mental health(TM)

2) get rid of this fucking acne holy shit its so stubborn i may cry ive been trying for months now with a couple different things and Nothing Is Working

3) start actually eating healthy and working out yikes i keep telling myself i will but its just so hard to get started. once im in a routine its fine but the starting.....

4) try to write something even if its just a sentence

5) idk, do my homework maybe and not screw myself over by waiting till the last minute. also i want to get out of the house. this ice storm & 4 day weekend is giving me cabin fever 

5 things people may not know about me:

1) what am i supposed to write here no ones gonna care enough to know these facts lol  i guess for this 1st one ill write that im way less optimistic than people usually think i am im just good at faking it

2) i like to think im good with reading people and knowing them, even if they dont know themselves. 

3) all my job aspirations are too much for me to handle. being a teacher actually wasnt my first choice, its just the one that hurts the least. i wanted to be a therapist, but knew i couldnt talk to a depressed patient without bursting into tears myself. i wanted to be a vet/doctor but i could never handle death. especially being a vet. i wanted to be a forensic analyist or fbi agent or something but that also deals with death and i just... cant. a teacher is realistic. it may not be what i want, but its what im going to be. wow i went on a long tangent there y i k e s

4) i am one of the few people that actually like their parents. they may not be perfect but i have so much to thank them for. also, my mom always told me that if i befriended someone who didnt like their mom/dad/parents that shes your mom now. lol i used to compare her to mrs clause bc thats the type of person she is shes chubby and constantly smells like cookies and smiles all the time and is just... happiness

5) my favorite thing in the world is buying/making presents!!!! bc its one of the only things im good at lol i love giving people presents because theyre always perfectly chosen, a story behind each thing. its the only time my hyperawareness of people and sentimental-ness comes in handy

okay wow that entire thing was long and took forever and tbh i probably said too much but whatever lol ill go ahead and tag a few people. as always, you dont need to if you dont want to! @jmplel @fishpun @whysuga @85milk @kiryues @jihyeon @alipurple