#take sleep meds then get up and Do A Couple Things until i pass out

[nexus-nebulae]

h

[httpdwaekki]

migraine | b.c.

summary: you were known to have pretty intense migraines but chan is there to help you feel better.

wc: 1.9k

warnings: no warnings, just pure fluff, tad bit of hurt/ comfort, sweet channie as always, and in true ashton fashion far too many petnames lmao. very lightly proofread (p.s. i am in my wolfchan lover arc, need him immediately.)

a/n: omg ashton got lost in the sauce again? * gasp* shocker! yeah this took me way too long to write but whatever. i actually don't hate this which is crazy but this is self indulgent because i get some pretty intense, nasty migraines that can last a couple days and it sucks. but if you suffer from the same thing i hope this can bring you some comfort and also i recommend a gel cap that you put in the freezer. an actual game changer, trust. anyway, i hope you enjoy! remember to eat, drink water and take your meds, ily <3

*lowercase intended*

my library

(pictures are not mine! credit to owners!)

you had some pretty nasty migraines, no secret to you or chan. they last anywhere from a few hours to a few days and while there were things to help lessen the pain and pressure, sometimes you just had to ride it out.

this was unfortunately one of those times. now usually you would call chan as soon as you felt the first telltale sign of a migraine . this time however, you didn’t, you knew he was busy with work and didn’t want to interfere with that. but you were selfishly starting to regret that decision as everything you were doing did nothing to help.

it seemed like everything did nothing but increase the pressure in your head, spreading to your face. in a last ditch effort to get some sleep you put on some migraine music, pressed a cold compress to your eyes and pulled wolfchan to your chest.

the soft plushie smelled faintly of chan’s cologne, the only thing actually helping you relax. but it also made you miss the aussie man, wishing he was by your side, rubbing your temples, softly lulling you to sleep.

you didn’t even realize you were crying until you felt a warm tear drip down to your neck. you knew you had to calm down or you risk making everything worse but you couldn’t. you were overwhelmed by the pressure in your head and frustrated with nothing helping to release it.

you felt selfish and guilty but you knew you needed chan, you felt like you were going insane without him. hesitantly you moved the compress from your eyes, grabbing your phone.

despite the brightness being on the lowest possible setting, you felt a sharp pain behind your eye as the screen turned on. you unlocked your phone, clicking chan’s contact, you quickly typed out a message.

to channie <3 :

hi, i’m so sorry to ask but i really don’t know what else to do, i have a migraine and nothing's helping. i know you're working but is there anyway when you finish up at the studio you could come over? even for a little bit, if not i totally get it, just thought i’d ask, love you bug.

you hit send, locking your phone, placing it on the soft sheets, placing the compress back over your eyes. a few minutes passed before you felt your phone buzz beside you. you move the cold compress once more, bracing yourself for the light from your phone.

from channie <3:

can you call me jagi? i don’t want you to keep looking at your phone screen, love you too sweet girl.

you click his contact once more, hitting the little phone icon next to his name causing the calming music to stop, a loud ringing replacing it. this caused you to wince and quickly lower the volume before putting it on speaker so you could place the cooling pack back over your eyes.

it didn’t take long before he picked up. “hi my baby, what’s going on?” he asked softly.

“my head hurts,” you started, words slightly slurred. “it’s really bad channie.” you take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. “i’ve tried everything and nothing’s working, i don’t know what to do.” you softly cried, tears making their way down your cheeks once more.

“okay angel okay, take a deep breath, i need you to relax for me okay? i know it hurts but it’s gonna hurt worse if you’re upset.” you hear rustling in the background.

“i’m just finishing up a few things here and then i’m gonna head over, okay sweetheart?” you respond with a soft whimper, followed by a quiet, “okay.” you press the pack further into your eyes, chasing the coolness that is quickly leaving the gel filled pack.

“do you want me to stay on the phone with you till i get there?” he asks softly, packing his bag.

“yes, please.” you mumbled. “okay baby, just keep breathing and focus on me, okay? i’m gonna pick up some food on the way too, okay?” you hummed in response, rolling over, pushing the soft plushie to your cheek, breathing in the familiar scent.

“everything okay?” you hear changbin ask in the background. “yeah, y/n has a migraine, so i’m going to help her.” chan responds.

“oh no, i hope she feels better, let us know if you guys need anything.” you hear han chime in, your heart swelling at the boys concern.

“will do, thank you, i’ll see you guys later.” you hear him open the studio door making his way into the hallway.

“you still with me, jagi?” he asks softly. “yeah, i’m here.” face squished into the soft fabric. “alright sweetheart, i’m gonna mute for a bit just until i get to my car, okay?” he asks, the elevator dings in the background, signaling its arrival.

“okay.” you say sleepily. “i love you baby, i’ll be right back.” you hear him press a button in the elevator. “love you too bub.” your words slurring slightly.

after chan muted, you felt yourself slowly succumb to the exhaustion, phone positioned next to you on the sheets, wolfchan tucked safely against your cheek, you, curled up in a soft blanket .

that is exactly how chan found you about 25 minutes later as he walked in your room, the space dimly lit by the oil diffuser sitting on your bedside table. he left the take-out bags sitting on your kitchen counter, fresh compress and cold water in hand. he gently places the water on your desk, making his way over to you.

he grabs your phone, ending the call before turning off the relaxing music. he sits next to your sleeping form, gently taking the warm pack off your face. he places a kiss on your forehead before placing the fresh compress on your eyes.

you tense for a moment, before relaxing as the cold begins to relieve the tension once more. you stir awake from the sudden change in temperature. “channie?” you asked, sleep laced in your voice.

he places a hand on your hips, his thumb rubbing soothing circles to the area. “hi, my baby,” he whispers. “how are you feeling hm?” he asks, continuing the soothing motion. you move the cool pack, grabbing his free hand, in this lap, threading your fingers together before placing a kiss on the back of his.

“better now that you’re here.” you murmured, giving him a small smile. he smiled back before leaning down and placing a kiss on your forehead.

“i got you some ramen, i’m gonna go grab it for you okay?” you nodded, him standing, still keeping your hand in his. he leans down to press a soft kiss to your forehead before placing the compress back over your eyes, grabbing the warm one to put back in the freezer .

he gives your hand a light squeeze before walking away. you relax into the soft mattress below you while chan goes to grab the hot soup and some medicine just in case.

he walks in with the tray, setting it on your desk next to the cold water collecting condensation on the wood below it. he makes his way over to you, sitting next to you once again, gently lifting the pack off your eyes. “there she is,” he placed a hand on your cheek, setting the compress next to you.

“hi baby.” he smiled, softly stroking your cheek. you give him a small smile back before turning your head slightly to place a kiss to his palm. “can you sit up for me please?” you nod softly before slowly moving to lean against the wall behind you.

“careful jagi.” he whispered, quickly placing a hand behind your head. “thank you, bug.” you mumble, adjusting the pillows behind you, placing wolfchan in your lap . chan stands up once more, placing the water on the tray before bringing it over to you.

“thank you, chan, you really didn’t have to do all this.” you say, guilt creeping up on you once again. he shakes his head. “nope, none of that. i’m your boyfriend, this is my job.” he places the tray on your lap, taking his place next to you once again.

“plus, i love taking care of you. if you need me, i’m there. any time, any place, simple as that.” your heart swells, you feel a lump form in the back of your throat. “you can’t say stuff like that when i’m like this, i’ll cry.” you play with the plushie’s ears before feeling a finger lift your chin.

“i love you, and i’ll always be here for you, no matter where either of us are, okay?” he said, looking into your eyes, with nothing but love and sincerity. you nod, “i love you too.” he smilled, carefully leaning over to place a kiss on your forehead.

“now, you need to eat, i got your favorite.” he says, picking up the hot soup, opening the lid, before separating the chopsticks. he dips the wooden sticks in the soup, giving it a stir before grabbing some of the noodles.

he gently blows on the steaming noodles before offering it to you, container under it to catch any dripping soup. you giggle, “you know i can feed myself right?” he frowns, pushing the noodles and container closer to you. “eat.”

you smile before opening your mouth, accepting the food he so generously offered you. a smile made it’s way onto his face, feeding you a few more bites. he placed the container back down, chopsticks resting in the soup, before grabbing the medicine and water.

“take these.” he placed them in your hand, opening the water as you dropped the pills in your mouth. he hands you the water, watching as you greedly gulp down the cool beverage. “ how are you feeling, angel?” he asks gently.

“it still hurts but i think eating and drinking definitely helped.” you smiled, handing him the bottle. “ good, i’m glad. eat a few more bites then we’ll lay down, okay?” he says, picking up the soup once more.

you end up finishing the ramen before he grabs the tray and the now warm compress. “do you want a cold one?” he asks holding up the pack.

“yes please.” you nod slightly. “okay, get comfy, i’ll be right back jagi.” you smile laying back down as he leaves the room.

he comes back, shortly after, with a fresh compress and another bottle of water. he places the water next to your diffuser, placing the compress over your eyes. he circles the bed, climbing under the covers.

he lays down, pulling you into him, placing your head on his chest. you place your arm around his wait, hand slipping under his shirt, rubbing your thumb across his soft skin.

he brings his hand up, rubbing soft circles on your temples, placing kiss on the top of your head. “sleep jagi, we can shower when you wake up okay?’ you nod slightly against him.

“thank you, channie. i love you, more than you know.” you mumble, tightening your arms around him. “i love you too baby, i’ll always take care of you, okay?” placing one last kiss to your hair.

that’s how you stayed for the rest of the night, wrapped up in each other’s arms. the pressure in your head, slowly releasing, finally able to relax.

reblogs/feedback are appreciated! i hope you guys enjoyed!

do no repost

[7ndipity]

On your period

Yoongi x Reader

Summary: Yoongi looks after you on your period

Warnings: mentions of menstrual cycles, reader feeling sick, not proofread

A/N: Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this! I based it off my own experiences, so I'm sorry if it doesn't quite work for everyone. It's not the best, but I hope you like it anyway!

Masterlist

Requests are open

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As soon as he walked into your apartment and saw the duvet from the bed in a giant y/n-shaped ball on the sofa in front of the tv, he knew what was up.

Moving quietly, in case you were asleep, he crept over, smiling when he was finally able to spot your face barely peeking out of the nest of blankets, tiredly returning his grin as he came into your line of vision.

"Hi." You croaked, voice horse from lack of use.

"Hi." He replied, leaning down and touching your cheek gently, both as a greeting and to check your temperature, knowing you sometimes ran a low fever on days like this.

"When's the last time you took any meds?"

"About noon."

Without a word, he made his way to the kitchen, returning in less than a minute with a couple pills and a bottle of water, helping you untangle from the blankets before joining you on the couch and passing you the items, which you accepted gratefully.

"Why didn't you text me earlier that you weren't feeling well?" He asked.

"Didn't wanna bother you." You mumbled.

"You're not a bother." He said, frowning as he noticed you wince uncomfortably.

It was only the first day, but that was usually when your symptoms would hit the hardest. Cramps, chills, body aches, it honestly felt like you had the flu, your only comfort was knowing that things would start to level out in a few more hours.

Well, maybe not your only comfort.

"What can I do?" Yoongi asked, quietly insistent. He hated seeing you hurting and not being able to do anything about it.

"I'll be okay, don't worry." You tried to reassure him.

"That's not what I asked." He said, giving you pointed look.

You swallowed nervously, feeling shy for some reason. "Could you maybe hold me?" You asked hesitantly.

Wordlessly once again, he climbed into your makeshift nest, shifting you both around until you were draped across his lap with your head pressed to his chest.

It still felt strangely foreign to have someone look after you like this, with such gentle, determined devotion, but you were starting to get used to it. In the past, you'd just dealt on your own, not wanting to be a burden to those around you. But as soon as you met Yoongi, all that went out the door. Anytime you felt the least bit unwell, he was at your beck and call. If you needed anything at all, be it food, meds, or just a bed warmer/nap partner, he was there for you.

You still remembered his genuine offense at your first attempts to dissuade him from coming to look after you.

"Why? It's not contagious."

"No, but-"

"Then why are you rejecting my love?!"

He'd promptly come over, armed with your favorite foods, candy and heat packs. You'd been so overwhelmed and emotional, you ended up crying and telling him you loved him for the first time that night.

Now, all these months later, he was still looking after you the same as he had then.

"You want me to stay over?" He asked after a minute.

"You don't have to do that." You sighed, already start doze against his shoulder.

"But I want to. Besides, I know you sleep better with me here." He teased.

"If you keep this up, I gonna turn into a spoiled baby." You warned.

"Will you just let me take care you, dammit." How he managed to make that sound stern and soft at the same time was a skill only Yoongi could master, making you grin.

"Fine." You relented, snuggling closer to him and pressing a small kiss to underside of his jaw. "I love you."

"I love you too, spoiled baby."

"Hey!"

[hexgaywire]

"Taking Care of You While You're Sick" (HC)

[Nijisanji EN Boys Edition]

Ft. Vox Akuma, Sonny Brisko, Ren Zotto, And Hex Haywire

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Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

F,M,GN?: GN

Warning: Ren swearing like once? Other than that none

Word count: 958

Authors note: Listen if I had to pick one man from each group to take care of me it would be these four. I'm being selfish, I'm sick, and biased but I hope you enjoy regardless. (This is also really short, I wanted to write some feel good stuff, I'm sorry)

Reminder that my requests are open! If you wanna send me one please do!

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Vox is very observant and notices you're a little off right away

He takes to canceling whatever he and you have on your schedule today

You have errands to run, laundry to do, homework to do? Too bad you've been bed ridden

He refuses to let you put any stress on until you're 100% better

Vox takes you home and sets you up to be comfortable

"I have to make a quick run to the grocery store, call me if you need me for anything"

He really was quick because it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes before he returns with an arms full of groceries

He fixes you a cup of tea, checking your temperature while you sip on it

Vox rummages around in the groceries and pulls out some fever reducers and gives them to you to take

While you relax he makes you the best soup you've ever had

You didn't realize how hungry you were until you ate, Vox is just happy you're enjoying his cooking

Vox insists on staying the night and won't take no for an answer

He may be a (voice) demon but he's a demon who cares for his clan

Sonny works a lot so he's a little slow to figure out your sick

It was a cough in the middle of a sentence you tried to suppress that got him

Once he realizes your sick, similar to Vox, he sends you home immediately making sure you are not doing anything else except for focusing on getting better

He ties up things at work quickly so he can come over and take care of you, he even takes a couple days off just for good measure

You're not expecting the VSF Commander knocking at your door with your favorite comfort food, meds, and vitamins

But you know it's always welcome

After he makes sure you eat he cleans up for you and then suggests you go lie down on the couch

Sonny does some light food prep for you so you don't have to strain yourself when your hungry

You fade in and out of consciousness while you watch Sonny Brisko putt around your home taking care of little things

When you eventually drift off to sleep he gently checks your temperature with his hand and deems you stable enough to carry to your bed

After tucking you in he can't in good conscience leave, what if something happens??

Sonny grabs a wet cloth to place on your head and eventually sits by the edge of you bed to watch over you

He too eventually passes out and when you wake up you see him there...

You feel safe and cared for knowing Sonny is at arms reach, just for you.

Ren is still learning about human culture

So when your voice comes out horse, he laughs and asks

"What's up with your voice?"

You explain to him that you aren't feeling well today and apologize

"YOUR SICK!? Oh shit uh I've been told about how to deal with this! Let me help you? Please."

How could you say no to him

Ren whisks you away to your room stating it was crucial for humans to get plenty of rest when they aren't feeling well

You can't argue with that and tell Ren you'll take a nap

Once he's sure you're asleep, he runs out to the pharmacy

He returns with almost the entire pharmacy, just in case....

You awake again when Ren places a towel on your head

He smiles down at you hand hands you some water as you sit up

"Staying hydrated is also important when you're sick, the towel thing is also important for... something probably"

You laugh as he rustles around grabbing something else

He hands you a fist full of pills, that's when you notice the stack of medicine boxes behind him

You gently explain to him that taking that amount of medicine could potentially make you more sick

You list off a few medicine names and he hands them to and you take them

"I guess I still have a few things to learn when it comes to taking care of humans..."

You gently squeeze his hands and thank him for being here, because being sick alone is scary

You're lucky Ren is here

Being sick often, Hex hones in that your feeling sick before you do

"You should head home. You're sick."

You're dumbfounded you had stuff that needed to be done, but your thoughts of work are interrupted by the oncoming of a splitting migraine

Resigning with a sigh you excuse yourself to your home

Not two minutes after you settle into bed you get a knock at your door

You're greeted by Hex carrying his favorite soup for the both of you

You invite him in and he asks you to sit and he'll grab anything you need

While the two of you eat Hex turns into a mother hen and asks you for all your symptoms and how your feeling, constantly checking on you

Hex is honestly an angel, he cleans up after you eat, grabs your medicine from your medicine cabinet, he even offers to do any chores you need immediate help with

You feel selfish for making him worry

He assures you that you'd do the same for him, you have done the same for him

It's the least he can do to help ease the burden while your sick

He helps you back to bed and meekly asks if you want him to stay

You'd be honored to have him stay especially since he's such a good caretaker

You thank him for his help and again he says he's just happy to look after you

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[ronearoundblindly]

Pirate & Pin Cushion (2)

Jake Jensen x gn! ops!Reader

Confidence Is The Absence Of Control (see previous)

A continuation of a Valentine's drabble wherein you got stabbed on a mission. When Jake, your 'Banter Bro' friend and secret crush, asks where you're not hurting, your sassy retort leads him to kiss you, but you passed out shortly after. This is what happens when you momentarily wake up in recovery.

Warnings for dirty jokes (it's not really innuendo when you just say the quiet part) and foul language. WC 638

“Take it easy,” you hear, your insides seeming to travel at mach speed until crashing into your skin as you wake. “You’ve been out a couple days.”

You wouldn’t be able to tell someone your name if they asked you right now, but a cute, bespectacled man with golden tipped hair sits concerned by your side.

You open your mouth to speak. It might as well be find with dust and cobwebs. Swallowing hurts. Or does it? Physical sensations feel so far away, detached from your body.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” the man says again.

Jake. He looks like a Jake. You remember Jake?

You stare at your feet, one of which itches, but you can’t move it and in this brain fog, it hardly matters.

Trying to speak once more gets your point across.

Jake scrambles for the cup of water next to him and holds it steady. Eternity passes as you sip, wake, and become aware, but you’re hardly aware of anything. It’s all very unreal.

“Don’t worry, PC, they got you the good stuff. Heavy duty meds. Nothing but the best.”

“PC?” you croak.

Jake smirks warily. “For Pin Cushion. Eh, I’m test-driving it,” he shrugs.

“You smile pretty.”

Pink floods Jake’s cheeks. “Thank you?”

Using all your might and concentration, your hand moves to his. “You got thick arms.”

“Right, so, you remember when I said you’re on medication..?”

“I think your glasses are sexy.”

Jake snorts and glances around, muttering to himself. “I’m not sure you want me here for this conversa—“

“You deserve sex,” you add matter-of-factly. “Lots of it. Hot guy like you.”

Each word is slow like molasses, and though Jake doesn’t stop or interrupt you, he grips the back of his neck and keeps looking around.

“Oh boy.”

“I’d have sex with you—water—“ you request and he realigns the straw with your mouth, eyes slightly bugging out “—like…whenever.”

You’re content to take a few more delicate pulls that feel more like torturous gulps, but you can’t not drink and you can’t stop talking.

“I watch your ass. But not like ‘watch your six,’ I mean I watch your ass. It’s a good ass. Cargo pants are dumb. You should were something tighter.”

“Okay, maybe more sleep now?!” Jake’s voice soars an octave mid-sentence.

“Hey, hey,” you insist, “come ‘ere.”

He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the heavy bob of his Adam’s apple fascinating you for a long moment.

Jake holds his breath, waiting.

“What did you want to say?” he whispers.

Your eyes ‘jump’ up to his, crawling over his features at the same pace it would take you to lick a path up it.

“Huh?”

“You…were gonna tell me something.”

All you can do is blink. “I don’t know. I just like to look at you.”

Jake doesn’t move a muscle before your brain comes up with a replacement question.

“If I dress like a laptop for Halloween, would you touch me?”

He slaps a hand over his mouth, grin so wide his palm can’t cover the whole thing.

“Do you mean—“ he wheezes in amusement “—you mean would I finger your keyboard?” He dissolves into uproarious laughter. “Oh man, I gotta record this.”

As he digs his phone out of his pocket, you’re hit with a wave of fatigue. Maybe rest is a good idea. Maybe you’re not fully alive again yet.

“Okay,” Jake clears his throat, “PC, what were you saying about Halloween? One more time.”

You don’t even acknowledge the phone shoved into your face. You only hold his soft, twinkling blue gaze.

“I should have told you before I died,” you drawl, sleep taking over, “I love you.”

Jake’s face falls, stunned, but still the last thing you hear is ‘Pin Cushion’ as if it’s miles away.

A/N: For reference, Reader did not die, is not dead, and does not die at any point in this story. 😉 They are just drugged out of their mind.

[Final Part: Painful...But In A Good Way]

[Main Masterlist; Light Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @brandycranby @buckysprettybaby @ellethespaceunicorn @late-to-the-party-81 @peyton--warren @rogersbarber @irishhappiness @km-ffluv @bigtreefest @thezombieprostitute

[feelingpoorly]

Life lesson: avoid expired egg noodles

So I usually post whiny attention seeking shit like this on my insta bc even tho my kink does not apply to me at all, in some weird way complaining about how ill and knowing people would see it still kinda turns me on a little

But I figured what better place to whine about it here instead since, idk this is kinda what this blog is for

-

So we went to the shop last night and got a bunch of food from the reduced section. We do this fairly regularly cuz the expired food is so cheap and it’s usually fine if you eat it same day

Well I learnt my lesson lol. Amongst one of the things we got a couple packs of fresh egg noodles in some sauce. I didn’t really like them, but store bought is never gonna be as good as the real thing anyway right?

I was snacking on some cereal at like midnight, having eaten these noodles at like 7. I noticed that I was getting pretty severe stomach pain in the top of my stomach. It was weird and I didn’t really understand why. However I had taken some prescription painkillers earlier that day and although I take a different medication with them to try and stop this happening, they can have a habit of wrecking my stomach and giving me a tummy ache. I thought it was weird, since I definitely HAD remembered to take them with the other med this time, but whatever

Anyway I woke up this morning, we were going out to meet up with some of my partners friends for coffee. I immediately realised I felt bloated as hell, like painfully so. I figured it would pass once I was up and moving around.

It did not.

It pretty quickly progressed into pretty severe stomach cramps, to the point where every time I stood up, it would cramp so hard I couldn’t stop myself from kinda curling over and wincing. At that point I was starting to worry something was actually wrong and I wasn’t just a bit bloated.

I quite quickly started feeling pretty sick, and that’s panic territory for me, being emetophobic. I took a dissolvable anti sickness tablet, but the nausea combined with the horrible cramping made me feel very unwell. I really felt awful and sick and at that point I had to say to my partner, if I say I don’t feel well please can you just take me home. I didn’t know how I was gonna cope sitting in a coffee shop feeling like this. When the cramps hit I was in a lot of pain. Bearing in mind I live with chronic pain, I’m not a baby about pain, but this was the kind of pain that you just wince voluntarily and I couldn’t hide it.

Thankfully the anti sickness meds kicked in, and after sitting down for a while the nausea and the cramps settled down a bit to the point where I was no longer freaking out about being ill in public. I should probably add here that on the way there in the car, my stomach was making some really upset sounding deep rumbling gurgles. Like it didn’t sound good. The kinda gurgles that only come with being sick. I didn’t feel well enough to have a drink or anything to eat which probably looked a little suss. Later on a got just a bottle of lemonade hoping it would settle my stomach but when I sipped it, it just make it worse and my stomach started cramping again.

Skip to being home this evening, I’d thought the worse was over and I’d been feeling kinda ok. I had some light dinner, and what a fucking bad idea that was lol.

Im not having the intermittent intense cramps anymore but like, now my whole stomach feels bloated af again and I have like this sharp cramping pain kinda all over, both upper and lower stomach with just no relief. I’m so bloated my stomach is sticking out but there’s no relief from it at all. Holding my stomach helps but I feel so embarrassed so I’ve tried to hide it and only rub my tummy when my partner went to sleep.

What makes it worse, is that up until this point I had no idea what caused any of this. But when we got home, there was an absolutely rancid smell in the kitchen that smelt like off, rotting food. It was absolutely foul. It almost even smelt like vomit, and just smelling it made my nausea kick off all over again.

It was the leftover noodles. And let me tell you, they smelt pungent as FUCK. I literally ate those last night, and they smell that bad today? No wonder I’ve felt ill. I have that shit in my stomach. Even after my partner bagged up the leftovers, sealed it and put it in the bin, just the PLATE they were on is still emitting this foul smell, it’s just awful

Eating dinner was a bad choice, because now I just feel worse again. I don’t feel that sick anymore, probably because of the meds, but my stomach feels horrible again. I’m in so much pain, I can’t suck my tummy in at all with how sore and bloated and painful it is. I feel like an absolutely pathetic self indulgent lil bitch but I literally just went to make myself a hot water bottle to hold to my tummy as I try and sleep, because it hurts and this is not fun. I just want some relief, and currently nothing else is helping. As I’m lying here holding my tummy with one hand and holding the hot water bottle on it with the other, it’s gurgling and glugging really loudly sickly again and it just feels awful. I can literally feel it in my insides, and with the way it feels I just really hope it doesn’t all come back up again, probably still along with the undigested noodles from last night if the way I’m feeling is anything to go by 🥺

-

Anyway, I just came here to complain about it in way too much detail lmao. Hopefully someone enjoys my misery. As I said, although it’s embarrassing as hell, somehow the thought of other people knowing or being sympathetic etc is also kinda hot

If anyone wants to use my sorry ass as fic inspo then ofc you have my blessing lmao. In fact, if you do, PLEASE let me know as I’d love to read it haha

Anyway, off to moan quietly to myself and hold the hot water bottle on my aching tummy now x

[softpine]

.

AWWW 🥺 i have my complaints about that trailer sadly but i love that you thought of me omg 💖💖💖

he will still be depressed! he has severe clinical depression 😭 this is a common misconception so you're definitely not the only one who thinks this way, but i want to make it very clear that he does have a chemical imbalance that causes depression, and everything else going on in his life just piles on top of that to cause more distress (in fact, ghosts tend to gravitate towards strong emotions, so the more depressed asa feels, the more ghosts he has to deal with). so he will likely be in a better mindset when finn returns, but depression is still a lifelong struggle for him :(

it sucks but she just cares about him a lot :( they all do, in different ways. she genuinely believes the others are making things worse for him. also, until now, asa has never WANTED his parents to know about the ghosts/time travel stuff. he's kept it secret because he wants to minimize conflict, but sadly it's only created more...

@peacheulle ahh i know she has such a cool mom vibe

:D :D :D

wait hold on what is a bikini shop fjksjds like a place that sells bikinis? if so yeah tom is going in there and acting like a fool for sure and casper is hiding in the corner pretending he doesn't know him

elaine is the most open minded to trying new flavors! she likes everything from black coffee to limited edition holiday drinks to tea at home. asa drinks black coffee or just with a dash of almond milk (he gets that from caroline and beth, who both like black coffee too). stevie and jada both like iced coffee with all the fixins. elaine would pick up all their coffees before school sometimes ;-; mikaela, being a nurse, drinks the most caffeine of anyone, and she'll take it however she can get it (but she loooves creamer). danny mostly drinks decaf because he likes the taste but he gets jittery. casper is an energy drink kinda guy

thank you!! i did :3 actually fixed my sleep schedule and everything (knock on wood)

@tau1tvec ooh thank you!! 💖

the coolest thing i'm doing right now is crocheting blankets to sell at craft shows to raise money for a local wildlife rehabilitation center!

i have only 2 chickens, a rooster and a hen, and they're like an old married couple. they just turned 9 and ginger is still laying eggs!!

horror movies scare me so much they give me literal nightmares but i like watching them anyway

lmaooo don't worry they've passed that point in their lives. their relationship still isn't perfect but they've come to the realization that they love each other too much to give up now 😌

lmaoo i feel like i've shown them drunk kind of a lot. alcohol isn't just a conversation greaser in real life, it also works in fiction fjkjdsj i was sort of using it as a crutch for whenever i wanted a character to admit/do something they normally wouldn't. it's a useful tool, but i was using it way too much so i had to reign myself in a bit. but it really just depends on the vibe and everyone's mood!! in general i would say caroline is a goofy loud drunk, beth gets pleasantly sleepy & calm, danny and mikaela both get wicked horny lmao, casper gets chatty and less reserved (he and tom get up to some crazy stuff when they're on a night out), coco almost never drinks but she really doesn't act different when she does, asa's meds make him a superrrr lightweight which we've seen. we've seen stevie drinking but she was going through a breakup so i don't count that as typical behavior - normally she and elaine are the ones going to the bathroom to cry about how much they love each other sjfkjsd and jada hasn't been drunk before!

i actually listed out some of the fandoms i think they'd be in if it was relevant to the story but i cannot for the life of me find it 😭😭 tumblr's search function is so beyond ass.... when i find it, i'll reblog it for you!!

ahhh tbh you probably haven't missed much on the casper front, he's been taking a back seat for a little bit. i miss him too 😭

ooh okay i know i mentioned awhile ago that stevie loves music festivals; she loves the energy, being outdoors, getting to see so many artists at once, etc. and that elaine has been to a few, but she wasn't really a fan. she does like regular concerts though!! i may not like taylor swift myself but elaine would kill to go to the eras tour lmao, that would make her entire life. asa and casper (maybe sadie too now that she's older) have definitely been to some of danny's concerts. casper would like to be in the crowd with everyone else, but asa probably hung out backstage somewhere private. jada would hate everyyy part of a concert, and she's not a huge music fan anyway

if they hadn't had kids so young, i think caroline, danny, beth, and even mikaela would've LIVED for concerts. we know they all liked to party in high school, and that was before they could even do half the shit they were doing legally lmao (and before they had jobs that could actually fund those activities)

@minamill thank you for thinking of me ;-; 💖💖

i can't remember if i answered this or not omg but true now i can't unsee it jfkjsd

[defilerwyrm]

Thank you for posting so authentically and tbh poetically about your transition. I was wondering if you have any gems of wisdom to share about your total hysto.. I was born with a malformed uterus (it is bicornuate) I've always had problems from it and I just want it gone. How was the process? And healing? How has the removal affected you in the years after? I appreciate you bro.

Heya, first off, sorry for taking so long to reply, and thank you! It’s been really rewarding to get to share my experience with others, answer questions, and hopefully dispel some myths. Bottom surgeries for trans men & trans mascs are too often maligned or erased and I’m grateful for the opportunity to fight against that with facts and experience.

The process was kind of funny. The admission and all such were your typical surgery stuff. They kept me overnight in the hospital pumping me full of saline with two jolly nurses watching over me. More or less every hour I woke up needing to piss like a racehorse, and the nurses would gently make fun of my woozy attempts to get up in these marvelous Georgia accents while helping me do so and disconnecting me from the drip, and I’d shuffle off to pee like half a liter (like…literally). This pattern continued until I was able to pass a certain threshold of how much I peed at one time. The purpose of this was to make sure my bladder was working correctly. After that, they let me sleep a bit and then I was released.

Before the surgery I had asked my surgeon if I could see the parts she was taking out, so she took photos for me of my insides during surgery and the whole kit & caboodle after it was removed, and printed them out on nice glossy paper for me. I was frankly astounded by how tiny the uterus actually is. Diagrams make it look like it’s the size of both hands put together or something but it would have easily fit in the palm of one! Also my liver is kinda cute. I still want to frame those photos.

I went home and mostly slept in a recliner a lot for the first couple of weeks. I wore sweatpants and kept an ice buddy (a penguin full of rice my friends got me) on my belly much of the time. I am pretty good at staying ahead of the pain with my meds without taking it more frequently than is safe, so I was only really a little sore and very, very sleepy. Bathing was a matter of wet wipes and dry shampoo for a while. I think I was off work for somewhere between four and eight weeks, and once I was past the first two or so, I spent a lot of time still in the recliner with the ice buddy, but this time binge-watching Critical Role and playing Stardew Valley. My cats stayed as close to me as they could the whole time. I think 4 weeks after the fact I was more or less fine.

Shortly after my spay, I started having hot flashes: since mine was a total hysterectomy (they removed the uterus, both ovaries—which, sure enough, turned out to be absolutely riddled with cysts—and the cervix), my estrogen level went from low to fuck-all, so I basically went through Menopause Lite. The hot flashes weren’t miserable. They were just stretches of time when I looked around and went “Is it just me or is it hot in here all of a sudden? Is the A/C on?” and it was, in fact, just me. Those came and went for maybe 3 months.

(A note for cis women and for trans/nb guys who aren’t on T: I attribute the mildness of my menopause symptoms to the fact that PCOS and HRT were already suppressing my estrogen production. If you have “normal” estrogen levels, there is a non-zero chance that yours will be worse. Ask your doctor for more info about this. If you don’t have your ovaries removed, you won’t go through this in the first place.)

Obviously I am now forever free of the misery of menstruation and the unacceptable risk of becoming pregnant. Both of those things are extremely awesome and I love them forever. Being sterile fucking rules! I’ve wanted this since I was 6 years old and no one can ever take it away from me! \:D/

This last section is about peeing so it goes under a cut!

The one and only downside is that I need to pee, like, all the time. Granted, the fact that I drink about a gallon of water every day does have a lot to do with that. But I’ve found that the sensation of needing to piss urgently comes a lot sooner than it used to. On a normal day, with me sitting here guzzling sweet, unchlorinated, high-quality well water all the time, I have to hit the head every 1-2 hours. If I stop drinking liquids about an hour or two before a road trip I can make a 3-hour drive without needing a pit stop. I asked my mom and a friend, both of whom have also had hysterectomies, if they go through this too, and they confirmed that yeah they do need to pee a lot more frequently than before the surgery. Just, y’know, not as often as I do because they’re not drinking 3-5 L of water daily.

The upside to THAT, actually, is if I need to wake up early, I can just drink a glass of water before going to sleep and I am guaranteed an early wake-up. I am an extremely deep sleeper, much to my own detriment—except where my bladder is concerned.

An odd little thing I’ve found, since my uterus is no longer helping to control where my bladder sits in my torso, is that how I urinate is a little different. Before, it was just the normal muscle movements I’d been doing all my life. Now, I find that urine comes in “waves”: it starts out normal, but then—it’s hard to explain, but I use a slightly different sort of muscle movement, a Kegel type thing, to…it feels like repositioning my bladder a little(???), and then I can feel the rest of the urine pouring down to my ureter, and then it’s normal pissing again. I mean…I’m just guessing at what’s actually going on in there based on what I can feel happening, so I could be off, who knows. It’s a little strange, but it’s not at all painful or anything, it’s just a neutral thing.

I very strongly recommend starting Kegel exercises as soon as you can if you plan on getting a hysterectomy, if you’re not doing them already. These can go a long way to making sure you don’t have problems with incontinence afterward. They were a standard part of my daily life for quite a few years leading up to my spay and so far so good.

[sequinsmile-x]

I'll Always Look After You

Emily has the flu and Aaron looks after her.

-x-

A little thing for @sneetchestoo and anyone else who is currently unwell. I hope this helps even just a tiny little bit <3

Also, this was meant to be a Christmas fic, but it kind of just ended up just being set at Christmas? So it's like the Die Hard of the Hotchniss universe haha

-x-

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: Mentions of sickness etc but nothing explicit, a tiny bit of angst in the middle. Because it's me.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I think I’m dying.” 

Aaron has to suppress his smile before he looks over at his wife, the sight of her bundled up on the couch, wrapped up in blankets with a trash can full of disposed tissues next to her enough to make him reconsider going anywhere. 

“You aren’t dying sweetheart,” he says, zipping up his winter coat before he walks over and sits next to her, “You just have the flu.” 

She leans into him, her head against his shoulder as she sniffs against her blocked nose, “You wouldn’t be saying just if you’d been the one to catch it.” 

“There’s still time,” he replies, turning his head to kiss her forehead and wincing at the temperature of her skin, “We really can rearrange if you want, I know how much you wanted to go with the boys.” 

She shakes her head fiercely, grimacing at the sensation, how it made her head pound even more. 

“No, it’s ok,” she rasps out, “We’ve been promising them for weeks, and we’ve already had to rearrange twice.” 

“Mason will miss you, it’s the first year he’ll probably understand what's going on,” he says, pulling back to look at her, to see if the thought of it upset her but she simply smiles at him.

“He always misses me, Aaron,” she replies, thinking of their four-year-old son, “You’ve said yourself - he’d crawl back up inside of me if he could.” 

It was why she’d been the one to come down with the flu out of the two of them. Jack came home with it first having caught it at school, and quickly passed it on to his little brother. Both boys were all about Emily when they were sick, seeking out the love and affection she always gave them so freely, pressed up against her as they slept off their fevers. It had been over a week since Jack had first come home sick, and now both boys were better and back to sleeping in their own beds Emily had caught it herself. Something that was inevitable, but still frustrating to her nonetheless. 

She’d never been good at being sick, always insisting she was fine even when it was clear she wasn’t. It extended through to wanting to be alone, feeling coddled if someone even offered to get meds for her so she didn’t have to, but that had never been the case with Aaron. She always wanted him near and found herself enjoying being looked after as long as he was the one doing it. 

“I feel bad leaving you sweetheart,” he says, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this sick.” 

She smiles at him, “You’re going to the Christmas Markets with a four-year-old and a 12-year-old, honey. You’ll be lucky if you keep them interested enough to be gone for a couple of hours. My plan is to take my next round of meds and sleep.” 

His hand shifts to her forehead, the back of his hand against her skin, and he frowns, “You do feel warm again.” 

“That's because-” her sarcastic response is cut off by her aching cough, her ribs and chest aching with it after over a day of her flu being at its worst. Aaron soothes her, his hand running circles on her back until the coughing fit fades. He passes her the glass of water that she’d been keeping close to hand and she takes a sip before putting it down, “Fucking hell,” she grumbles, her voice somehow more raw than it had been before, “Next time they’re sick, you can be the one to snuggle with them.” 

He smiles at her and leans in to kiss her flushed cheek, “Sure Em, like you don’t love every second of being the one they want.” 

She playfully narrows her eyes at him, but any response is stopped by the sound of Mason and Jack running into the room, already in their coats and snow boots. 

“Ready Dad?” Jack asks, smiling over at them both, and Aaron nods, turning to his wife to give her another kiss on her cheek before he stands up. 

“Ready buddy.” 

“We’ll get you a gift, Emily to make you feel better,” Jack says with enthusiasm as if the cure to her ailment would be for sale on one of the stalls at the market. 

“Thanks, Jack,” she replies, wiping her nose as she looks over at him, “That’s very sweet.” 

Mason frowns, looking more adorable than ever in his many layers, tilting his head as he looks over at his mother on the couch. 

“Momma not coming?” He asks, and Aaron smiles at his youngest, scooping him up into his arms. 

“No, Mase, Momma is sick, remember? So she has to stay here.” He says, walking over to her and leaning down, “Now, give Mommy a kiss, and we’ll be back before you know it.” 

Mason wraps his arms around Emily’s neck and she kisses his cheek and forehead, and not for the first time Aaron thinks this is the kind of story he will be able to tell the boy when he’s a teenager and no longer thinks his parents are cool. 

“Love you Momma.” 

“Love you too, sweet boy,” she says, smiling at her son as Aaron stands up straight before she turns her attention to her husband, “Make sure you get plenty of photos of them in front of the big tree, ok?” 

“Of course, sweetheart,” he replies, leaning down briefly to kiss the top of her head, “Remember to take your meds, you’re due them in about 30 minutes.”

“Yes, sir,” she says, a small smile on her face as he rolls his eyes at her. 

“Right, come on boys,” Aaron says, deciding to carry Mason out, and having his eldest walk ahead of him to the front door, “Let's give Mom some peace.” 

She listens to them chatting among themselves until the door closes, the house falling into silence she would have once found comforting.

___

Aaron wakes up suddenly, a kick to the shin pulling him out of his slumber. For a moment he’s disorientated, but then he hears Emily mutter something under her breath next to him and everything snaps into place. He sits up and turns on the lamp on his nightstand. 

It wasn’t unusual for one of them to wake up the other in the throes of a nightmare, which is what he thinks is happening at first. It sadly wasn’t an unfamiliar sight, to see her tangled up in the sheets, her face twisted in fear as her memories mixed with her subconscious. 

She found herself on the floor of that warehouse in Boston just as often as he found himself in the house he had once shared with Haley, the many who had killed her just out of reach. 

He reaches out for her, his hand almost at her shoulder, when she shifts away, muttering under her breath again, and she frowns. 

“Em, sweetheart,” he starts, but she shakes her head fiercely, twisting further into the sheets, trapping her legs even further, “It’s just me.” 

“Ian. No,” she breathes out, two words he can pick up from the almost constant stream of murmurings coming from her. It’s then that he realises her eyes are open, shifting wilding around their bedroom as if she was looking for an escape. 

She wasn’t having a nightmare, she was awake. 

He’s able to get his hand to her forehead, his chest aching when she tries to twist away from him, and he winces at the temperature of her skin. Her fever had clearly spiked again in the night, and he would put money on it being a little too high, and it had led to this. A delirium she wouldn’t break free from until he got her body temperature down to something a little closer to normal. 

Aaron pulls the sheet over her, freeing her legs, and he has to catch one of her feet to stop himself from getting kicked. 

“Emily, sweetheart,” he says, reaching for her face and holding her head in place, making their eyes meet, “It’s me, it’s Aaron.” 

She swallows thickly, something that burns against her throat, “Aaron?” 

He smiles, relief making some of the tension in his chest loosen, “Yes, baby. It’s me, I’m here.” 

Familiar fear seizes her, something she can’t shake off, “Ian?” 

“You won sweetheart, he’s dead remember,” Aaron says, pressing his forehead into hers, her skin burning him, “We’re here, in our home. The boys are asleep in their rooms” 

She whimpers, a sound he hates, something he’d never heard from her before, and he knows he has to do something. He knows she wouldn’t thank him for taking her to the hospital, something he knew wasn’t justified quite yet, but he needed to help her. He gathers her into his arms, cradling her against his chest, her body shaking despite how warm she was, and he stands. 

It hurts his back, something he knows he’ll likely feel for a few days, but it’s the last thing on his mind as he carries her towards the ensuite, using his elbow to force the light on. He apologises when she winces against the light flooding the room, his lips against her forehead. He walks into their shower and turns on the water, waiting until it was lukewarm before he steps under the stream. He slides down the wall, making sure he keeps hold of her, and she tucks her forehead against his neck, protecting her face from the steady stream of water. 

“Aaron.” 

“I’m here,” he says softly, his hand rubbing circles up and down her back, “I’m here.”

He sits there with her until her temperature goes down, holding her close until she falls back to sleep.

___

Emily wakes up slowly. The first thing she notices is the pounding in her head from the last few days is slightly better, the first sign that she was starting to get over the flu that had seemingly invaded their home. 

She groans as she sits up, Aaron's arm falling from her waist to her lap as she does so. Her smile slips slightly as she takes in the sight of the pyjama shirt he’s wearing, and the colour of the sheets across them - both of them different to when she’d fallen asleep the night before. She looks down at her shirt and gets even more confused when she sees that’s changed too. 

“What?” 

“Your fever spiked in the night,” Aaron says, his voice making her jump because she was sure he was still asleep, “I had to get you in the shower to bring it down,” he adds as he sits up with her, “I had to change both of us and the sheets.” 

“I…don’t remember that,” she says, wracking her brain to try and find a memory of it, but the last thing she remembers is the boys excitedly giving her a decoration for the tree that they bought at the markets before they all headed to bed. 

“You were pretty out of it,” he replies, tugging her to lean against him, pleased that her skin felt somewhere close to normal for the first time in a few days, “I’m not surprised you don’t remember.” 

Even in her exhausted state, Emily doesn’t miss how he holds her a little tighter than usual, something desperate in his embrace. She shifts so she can look up at him. His jaw is clenched, as if he’s worried about something, about her, and she reaches up to cup his face, forcing him to look at her. 

“What happened?” She asks softly, and he sighs, closing his eyes as he turns his head to kiss her palm.

“Em-”

“Please tell me,” she says, cutting over what she knows will be an attempt to tell her he’s fine, “I’d rather know.” 

He stares at her for a moment before nodding. Honesty had always been a cornerstone of their relationship. They didn’t keep things from each other. 

“You were delirious,” he says, clearing his throat, swallowing down the lump that had formed there, “You thought you were in Boston.” 

He doesn’t have to say anything else, doesn’t have to explain any further, and she sighs sadly. She leans forward, her forehead against his shoulder as she holds his arm to her chest. 

“I’m sorry, honey. That can’t have been easy,” she says, imaigning how she would have felt if it was the other way around, deeply aware she wouldn’t have been able to carry him to the shower, or help him like he had helped her. 

“You have nothing to apologise for,” he replies, kissing the top of her head, “Nothing at all. I’m just glad I was able to help.” 

“You always help,” she says, and he immediately puts his hand on her forehead and she bats him away, “What are you doing?”

“Checking you’re not feverish again, you’re usually not this corny.” 

She scoffs, a curse word on the tip of her tongue when their door flies open, Mason across the room and on the bed in seconds. 

“Morning Momma,” he says, crawling across to settle in her lap, his dark wide eyes looking up at her, “You better?” 

“I am feeling a bit better, sweet boy, thank you,” she replies, holding him close. 

“What, am I invisible?” Aaron asks jokingly, tickling at his son’s ribs. Mason laughs, curling further into Emily’s embrace. 

“Hi Daddy.” 

Aaron smiles at his wife and son, matching grins on their faces that make his stomach flip and he shakes his head. 

“Is your brother awake?” He asks, ruffling Mason’s already messy hair, and the toddler shakes his head. 

“Jack still asleep.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes at his eldest son, the teenage years that he’d dreaded for some time now just around the corner. 

“Why don’t I go organise breakfast and you two stay here?” He offers, and they both nod enthusiastically. He leans in and kisses Emily quickly, “I’ll bring up some meds for you too.” 

“Thanks, honey,” she replies, smiling at him as he leaves before she shifts her attention back to her little boy. She goes to speak but she coughs, her chest aching with it, and when she recovers she’s met with her son’s concerned face. His brows knitting together in a way that makes him look so much like Aaron it makes her smile, “You ok, Mase?” 

“Momma still sick?” He asks, and she nods gently.

“Still a little bit, baby, but I’m better than yesterday.” She watches as his frown briefly deepens before he shifts, kneeling in her lap so they are face to face before he kisses her forehead in the same way she did for him when he was sick. She feels like her heart could burst, the love she felt for him somehow constantly increasing, something she wouldn’t have thought was possible the first time she saw him, tiny and crying as he was placed on her chest. 

“Better?”  He pulls back, his fingers tangled a little tight in her hair, and she reaches to untangle them, 

“Much better, thank you.” Emily smiles an nods at him.He beams at her and she lays down, tugging him with her so he’s laying against her chest. “Love you, sweetheart.” 

“Love you too.” He replies, snuggling further into her. 

Emily smiles as she hears Aaron moving about in the kitchen, and the first signs of life from Jack’s room, the sound of their house slowly waking up surrounding her as she drifts back to sleep. 

-x-

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[sleepyyshouto]

comfort crowd — uraraka

a/n: this is sappy as hell but also like kinda not my best work?? I LOVE LOVE LOVE uraraka but she’s hard to write 😭. tw: for eating and vague injury

song: comfort crowd by conan gray

!! momo — prev | uraraka | next — todoroki !! | masterlist

uraraka — acts of service

it wasn’t a surprise that your girlfriend was always trying to do nice things for others. you had watched her not buy lunch in order to save up to buy deku’a birthday present, mail her internship money home to her parents, and take up shift after shift when her patrol partner was sick. thus when you woke up to the sound of her trying (and failing) to get out of bed quietly the day after she had taken a major hit. she wasn’t even supposed to be getting out of bed for the next few days in order to let her ribs and head heal which made you decide that a change in dynamics was required.

quickly stretching over to grab her hand, you moved to her side and tried to keep her in bed. “what do you need, pretty?” you mumbled, catching her eyes in the low light and noting the furrow in her brow.

“I gotta get to work, I- I promised Camie that I would-” she said in a rush, glancing away and you gave her hand a squeeze to bring her eyes back to yours.

“the agency took care of that, baby, you’re on bed rest this week until your healed up.” you whispered in the dark and her eyes seemed to droop as she listened to what you had to say.

“are you in any pain?” a quick glance at the clock revealed she had about an hour until her next dosage but you were cautious about it wearing off too quickly especially with the extent of her injuries.

“tired?” you asked softly to which she nodded and moving off the bed to help her lay back down, you pressed a kiss to her forehead before heading to the kitchen.

on a mission to find the pancake mix for breakfast, you scoured the cupboard before finding it in the back from when the rest of the group had been over. grabbing that and her medicine, you set it all aside as you began to make a pot of coffee to drink as you got everything ready.

the pancakes cooked quickly and evenly, along with the bacon you threw on after. plating those up, putting her meds in your pocket and grabbing both your cups with minor issues you walked to your bedroom. setting it all on the nightstand to the sound of her quiet snores you quickly went back to grab the syrup and butter before returning.

sliding your hand through her hair, you did this a couple of times before she started to stir in her sleep. at the sight of her sleepily opening her eyes, you couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight in front of you.

“mhmm, good morning.” ochako mumbled into the pillow, but with a quirk of her lips as she undoubtedly smelled the food you couldn’t help but return it.

“morning, you ready for breakfast?” you asked to which her eyes became more alert, lifting her head to look at the nightstand.

“for me?” she whispered as if in awe and you couldn’t help the smile you pressed to her forehead.

“yes for you, do you need help sitting up?” she nodded quickly, an eagerness to her movements now that wasn’t there before but still stiff as you helped her up and propped her back up against some pillows.

“this looks delicious, baby, thank you.” she smiled as she brought her plate to her lap before reaching over to grab the cup of coffee and hold it close to her face. “oh thank god, there’s coffee.”

snorting at the look on her face, you passed her meds to her before taking your seat beside her, your legs pressed together and elbows brushing as you both ate in the relative silence of the morning.

“do you want to watch something?” you asked after a moment and grinning, reached over to grab your laptop at her nod. it was oddly reminiscent of your high school days as you scrolled through until finding the show you guys started together.

setting it on one of each of your legs, uraraka moving to lean into your side you couldn’t help but relax into the moment.

“just like old times.” she mumbled as she rested her head on your shoulder.

“just like old times.”

do not edit, claim, or repost my works as per @sleepyyshouto

[weepylucifer]

i try to keep it light n breezy on here, but i think i need to write some shit down somewhere. so here is a dreary little tale

so in august of last year, i had covid. it felt like a two-week-long flu, but then it was over. a year ago FUCKING PRECISELY, the Problems started. i went to multiple doctors, but no one paid me any attention, and i was told not to make a fuss, everyone was having post-covid these days, and it'd all go away by itself. further, in a breathtaking display of shittiness, my dad told me to stop being selfish and burden my mother (who, after all, has actual problems!) and himself with my shit. so i gave up. i tried to go on with my life as if nothing had happened, to get a job and finish college, and hoped that the Problems would indeed go away by themselves.

since then i have sat by and watched my body get weaker and weaker and it scared the shit out of me, but there was literally no one who would listen to me or believe me. i lost what little endurance i started out with until i couldn't make the 10-minute walk to the grocery store without almost passing out. i did faint in the grocery store, actually, and i just went home and told no one bc they would have just told me it was my fault, that if i exercised, or kept a proper sleep schedule, or what the fuck ever, i would be in the bloom of my health. for a year now, randomly, my heartbeat goes weird. i started getting dizzy spells out of nowhere with no apparent cause. i live alone. i was frightened all of the time of the day i'd just not manage to take care of myself anymore. i was convinced that if i asked my friends or boyfriend for help, they'd believe i was lying too. i had no idea what was going on with my body. post-covid can, it looks like right now, manifest any fucking symptom ever, which means it could also be anything else.

because the dizziness was getting so dire i barely dared to leave the house anymore, i decided to try seeing my gp again. this time they discovered i'm so fucking anemic it's like a dracula stole half my blood away. after i was Urged to go to the hospital, i arrived at an ER bursting with people and naturally presumed i'd have to hang around for a couple hours, but after i showed them my blood test results i was absolutely Rushed into observation. i got an iron transfusion and am on several new meds as of last week.

today there was an article in the paper (yeah, my parents still subscribe to the local paper) on the one dude in this area who treats post-covid. it lists every symptom that i have. it also says that apparently somehow covid fucks with whatever it is that makes red blood vessels. this could have been explained to me a year ago. it wasn't. i had to let it get exceedingly bad to be deemed worthy of help. that doctor doesn't even have a solution yet. just "eat beets, take walks, and exercise a bit but not too much". i still took the article and put it in my journal bc it's the first thing i've seen in a year that has validated me.

so here i am. my health is in the toilet. i am an absolute twitching anxious mess. even if everything goes perfectly with the new meds (which it rarely does for anyone, does it) it may take weeks or even months until i get to just feel normal again. i still get dizzy every day. sometimes i have a hard time focusing on reading or writing. i can't work. i can't do anything strenuous for fear of passing out. i'm staying with my parents because i'm not sure, if i went back to my apartment, if i could manage to keep myself alive. i haven't seen my boyfriend in weeks. there are friends i'm not meeting, ladies i'm not going on dates with, parties and other events that i'm missing. every time i have to text someone saying i'm not well enough to go out quite yet, i'm afraid they'll get tired of my shit and stop contacting me. my life is basically on hold until further notice.

and there are still people who have been hit way worse by post-covid than me. i am at least not bedridden, and i still have my sense of smell and taste, and it seems like my symptoms can be improved. i'm not saying this to self-flagellate, i'm saying it because it's ludicrous how callously the whole disease gets treated. people want covid as a whole out of sight and out of mind so that we can all be such productive little cogs in the capitalist machine and act like the pandemic is over. tons of people are still catching it. others will never be the same from the aftereffects of it, and there straight up is no cure for that. like what is fucking wrong with us as a world that we consider that acceptable collateral damage. for what, even? just so that we can continue avoiding taking stock of the current episteme that Does Not fucking work for most of us in the first place? just so that somewhere, for the gratification of someone, line go up? why was it so important for us, a year or so ago, to reestablish this figment of normalcy when, again, what was normal was already not working out?

[detective-giggles]

TWP word of the day prompt: pain

Just a silly little thing I’ve had mostly finished for a while. Pre-Tarlos, takes place mid-season 1. Off-screen Carlos whump.

💜💜💜💜

“Ugh,” Carlos groans in pain as he unbuckles his seat belt.

“Here, I’ll come around,” TK offers, sliding out of the car and hurrying around to the passenger side where Carlos had already opened the door and was slowly trying to get out of the car.

“I got it,” he murmurs. TK watches as he manages to get out of the car okay but then turns too quickly, jarring his broken ribs and he almost crumples to the ground. “Fuck,” he murmurs.

“Take a second,” TK says. “Just take a couple of deep breaths.”

“That hurts too,” Carlos complains. He takes a few shallow breaths and then slowly starts making his way up the walkway. “I didn’t realize pain was so exhausting, I just want to lay down in my own bed and sleep for the next week.”

“I’m guessing this is your first broken rib?” TK asks. “I don’t recommend laying down. It’ll probably be harder for you to breathe, and it’s going to hurt like a bitch to get up.” Carlos digs his keys out of his pocket as TK talks. TK takes the keys while Carlos leans heavily against the doorframe, panting shallowly. “Speaking from experience, I really recommend a recliner. At least for the first couple of weeks.”

“I don’t have one,” Carlos points out as TK pushes the door open. He steps into the entryway and then pauses, staring at the battered gray recliner that had appeared in his livingroom. “At least I didn’t have one? Where did-?”

TK shrugs. “I mean, I’m a klutz and a half, in case you hadn’t noticed. That chair has gotten my dad and me through a few broken ribs. You can borrow it until you can get upstairs and into your own bed.”

“Ohhhh, my god. The stairs. All of my stuff is up there,” he gestures vaguely, looking distressed.

“Let’s get you settled down here, and then I’ll run up and get you what you need?” TK offers. Carlos nods and toes off his shoes, kicking them to the side, and he allows TK to ease his jacket off his shoulders. TK hangs it in the closet, and when he returns, Carlos was easing himself into the chair. TK hands him the prescription bottle with his pain meds and fetches him a glass of water. He watches as Carlos takes a couple of pills, and then makes sure the bottle and water are within easy reach for later.

“What else do you need from upstairs? A phone charger? Book? Do you want any other clothes?”

Carlos shakes his head on the clothes, but agrees to letting TK bring down the phone charger. TK returns with his arms full; Carlos’ current novel from the night stand, the charger, a couple blankets and the comforter off his bed.

TK sets the book down on the table and helps get him as comfortable as can be with the blanket and comforter.

“Thank you, TK,” Carlos whispers. “You really don’t have to fuss. I’ll be okay.”

“You really shouldn’t be alone,” TK says. “Are you sure you don’t want me to call your mom?”

“No! It’s fine!” Carlos exclaims. “She hates when I get hurt.” He yawns, “I’m probably going to sleep for the rest of the afternoon anyway.”

“Okay,” TK murmurs. Carlos closes his eyes, certain TK has something better to do than watch him lie around in pain. It doesn’t take long for the meds to kick in and he drifts off to sleep.

***

By the time Carlos wakes, it’s dark and the streetlights are shining through the window, right in Carlos’ face. He grabs his phone off the table to check the time, and then takes another pain pill.

He struggles to stand up, grunting softly at the pain, and makes his way down the hall to the bathroom. As he returns to the living room and passes the couch, he sees a TK-shaped lump, curled up sleeping.

He smiles fondly and slowly grabs the throw blanket off the back of the couch, draping it over TK’s sleeping form.

TK’s eyes flutter open and he sits up fully. “Carlos! What are you doing?”

“You stayed?”

“Well, yeah… Of course I stayed. In case you needed something. Do you need anything?”

“No,” Carlos shakes his head. “I just needed to…” He points to the general direction of the bathroom.

TK stands and ushers Carlos back to the chair. “Come on, you need to get some more rest.”

TK tucks him in once again and attempts to move past him when Carlos reaches for his hand. “Thank you. For staying.” Carlos sighs. “I really didn’t want to be alone,” he admits.

TK leans in and runs his fingers through Carlos’ hair and presses a soft kiss to Carlos’ forehead. He stays silent but gives Carlos’ arm a little squeeze. Carlos panics a little, worried he overstepped, when TK gives him a fond smile.

“Go back to sleep,” TK says, settling on the couch. “I’ll be here when you wake up,” he promises.

Taglist: @plaidbooks @tarlosweeklyprompts

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

It's been a long ass week and I've been studying a bunch so I'm gucking exhausted, and I have to do a little spot studying still, but otherwise I'm feeling as ready as I'll ever be for my exam next week. I only have 3 days of work next week in order to take two days for travel and testing, and I'm seeing most of my clients so I'll only take a bit of a paycut and will be plenty busy next week.

I'm looking forward to having a little study party over our old favorite Korean food one last time Wednesday night. I'll have to decide what I want as my last flavors from there. Definitely some extra radish tho. I love their pickled daikon.

I'm gonna spot check my developmental stages, DSM5TR updates, medication classifications, and modality contexts over dinner and music. I'm gonna ask wifey to help me chat it through, contextualize it all, and make it fun so I can keep my brain on it, and then I'm gonna take my meds and get some sleep. First thing in the morning, I'll have a couple white gummy bear Reigns, walk over to the testing center, and ace the bitch.

By the time I'm done, Wifey should be checking out with the dogs, so I figure we'll plan a meetup spot where we can all sit and maybe have some coffee or some breakfast before we head back home. I should know as soon as I'm done with my exam whether we're comforting me or celebrating my success, cuz they usually give you a lil pass/fail notice on screen before you leave. We'll be exhausted by the time we get home, so I figure just some sandwiches and cuddle up with a movie until we crash for the night. Then back up for work in the morning for both of us lol. I'll get to tell my boss the very next day whether it's victory or a retake so that'll be good, we can start planning my caseload and career trajectory accordingly.

I just can't wait for this to bot be the most pressing thing that's on my mind because I have other things I *really* want to turn my attention to, but because of how soon this exam is I can't really multi-task rn.

Like I really want to be able to start working on prepping us to move at the end of the year, for my medical appts next month, for some fun solarpunk house designing, some knitted quilting squares, and an embroidery project. But my brain is definitely not willing to budge until after the exam. I might be able to make room in my mind for the quilt squares this weekend if I can make the mental and emotional energy to go to a thrift store and a place for yarn. I really want to, so I think I will. I wonder who has lightly handled alpaca wool around here.....

[darcymariaphoster]

Eheheeheeheeheh

Girl how about pruk but it's not on crack for once.

Perhaps them being old men and reminiscing on the past,

@magictrio1118

Word count: 895 

Sorry this is short! I’ve been working on this on and off for a couple of days, between taking doped-up-on-meds naps, and I didn’t want to screw it up if I got a little loopy. I’m not sure it’s quite what you were wanting, but I hope it’s okay! Thank you for the ask!

It’s early morning, probably far too early to be awake if he’s being honest. But Arthur is awake nonetheless, the weak sunlight angled just right through the curtains to be a nuisance. He sighs, narrowing his eyes at the window as if it is personally at fault. After years of getting up early, he's sort of resented the morning sunshine. He rolls away from the window, facing the back of his partner, who is still fast asleep. Gilbert has always been able to sleep through the mornings, all the stupid birdsongs. He doesn't know how he does it, even after all these years.

All these agonizingly slow until they're not years that he's gotten to spend with Gilbert. Well, he says that, but it wasn't quite as nice and easy as that sounds. That implies, in his mind, that they never had arguments or never had to hide themselves or never lost anything. But there was a lot of all that. A lot of misplaced blame -- on themselves, each other, and friends long since lost. Hesitantly, as to not wake him, Arthur rests his hand on Gilbert's weathered shoulder. Somehow, he reminds himself, all the good outweighed the bad, and they're still here. Together. 

"You bein' sentimental again?" Gilbert mumbles into his pillow. Arthur groans, rolling onto his back. So much for a quiet moment to himself. Gilbert chuckles, shifting to face him. "You're right. You're always sentimental."

"You take that back," Arthur grumbles, fighting a smile. 

"You changed your laces when we started dating," Gilbert reminds him as he drapes an arm over his torso. "And stitched an iron cross into your jacket."

Arthur huffs, rolling his eyes. "Yes, and I'm starting to see… What exactly did you do?" 

"Fighting people in back alleys because they gave you a dirty look." Gilbert kisses his cheek. "What has you all sentimental this morning anyway?" 

"Am I not allowed to be sentimental?" Arthur turns his head to look at him. 

There's a lull between them, as Gilbert runs his hand up and down Arthur's side. "You just seem more sentimental these days…" he mutters, pressing his lips to his neck. 

"Ya know, every morning reminds me of the days when I could get out of bed without my knees popping," Arthur muses, half-joking as he runs a hand through his hair. "Remembering days past is fairly common anymore." He pauses briefly and asks, "Don't you think about it all?"

Gilbert shrugs, smiling fondly at him. “Sometimes. I like thinking about how we met, telling that story -- and the time we hitchhiked from Pittsburgh to Boston? I don’t even remember why we did that.” His smile fades and his eyes fall, tracing unknown patterns with them. “I suppose that forgetting things is why I’d rather think about right now instead…”

A moment passes before Arthur rolls over, raking his hand through Gilbert’s white hair. It had always been a light color, near platinum, but age has taken all the color from it. “Maybe we can fill in the gaps in each other’s memories. It’s not as if we’re alone.” Yet. He hates how that word lingers in the back of his mind after saying stuff like that. But it’s somehow true. They’re at the point in their lives that every day is somehow a blessing -- a cliche that he’d never believed he’d be thinking about. “And, for the record, we hitchhiked because our car broke down and we had a wedding we were trying to get to.”

“Oh, right,” Gilbert snaps his fingers with a sort of awkward nod. “Antonio’s wedding. How could I forget that?” 

“Well, you were drunk for most of the wedding and reception.” They both laugh at that, knowing damn well that it was probably Arthur who should have the fuzzy memory on that one. Gilbert can and probably will always be able to outdrink Arthur. 

Gilbert pulls him closer, muttering against his throat, “You should talk more about your memories, so we can chat about them more…” 

Arthur shivers, stretching out a little. “The same could go for you. If you’re so afraid of forgetting things…” He curls around him and then groans. “My back…”

“Your back, my hips…” Gilbert chuckles lightly. “Let’s buy a motorcycle, like the one I used to have--”

“That thing is why your hips hurt, dear,” Arthur hisses, smacking the back of his head. 

“That accident wasn’t even that bad, and I’ll go to my grave saying that,” Gilbert argues lightly, grinning up at him. 

“I’ll send you to an early grave if you buy another motorcycle,” Arthur tells him sternly. “Enough of that. If we’re up, we better get up. The garden won’t tend itself.” 

He tries to get up, but Gilbert holds onto him, pulling the blankets higher. “Let’s just have a late morning… Argue with me some more about that motorcycle I can’t have.”

Arthur rolls his eyes, playing with the hair on the back of his neck. “Talking about how I’m sentimental…” He can see where Gilbert is coming from, wanting to savor every day now instead of dwelling. He enjoys it, just as much as he enjoys talking about his favorite memories, all the things they can’t do anymore because their bodies won’t allow for it anymore. “Alright… But you’re doing the weeding then.” Gilbert scoffs, pulling the blankets over their heads.

[loliwrites]

Loliiiii

Write something super angsty, pleeeeaaaaaase 😭

Anonymous said: Grandpa's Passing part 1 😿😿😿 this one is the saddest fic from your list❤️‍🩹 I need the part 2.

A Part 2 to Grandpa's Passing. Please note that there'll be some brief mentions of death.

She wasn't sure how long she was going to get to keep Alex. It seemed to good to be true. Somewhere, in the back of her brain, she knew that the production he was supposed to be on was stalling with days full of b-roll and every imaginable thing that didn't include showing him on camera. Though he showed no signs of faltering. No signs of leaving anytime soon. He was gentle with her in every way imaginable.

He wasn't sure what this would mean for their relationship. He wasn't even sure he should be thinking so selfishly. Her relationship with her nuclear family was strained at best and she had never loved any man more than she had loved her grandfather. He had been all of the good parts of life and none of the bad, and Alex was left wondering if he, or any other man, would be able to live up to and fill the void that had now taken root in her life. He didn't want to rush her through her grieving process but also didn't want to have to leave town knowing she still wasn't doing well.

That's how he got her to San Diego. After a couple days of sobbing and depression in LA, he'd pitched a little road trip: "Maybe it would be good to get out of here for a few days. An AirBnB somewhere different... quiet... where there's nothing to do. You can just be and feel the things you're feeling."

Of course she was hesitant at first. The idea of any sort of fun seemed inappropriate to her. But after Alex assured her that the trip wasn't meant for fun, just to get out of the confines of her apartment and LA, she packed a duffel bag and let Alex take her to San Diego. She stared out the window the entire time on the drive down, and when they arrived at the AirBnB, she quickly retreated to the bedroom, hunkered down in bed, and proceeded to sleep for the next 16 hours. All the while, Alex let her be. He didn't urge her to wake up to talk, for food... anything. Perhaps the sleep would do wonders for her brain and her heart.

When she awoke the following morning and realized how long she'd been passed out for, the first thing she wanted was Alex. And seeing as though he wasn't in the room, she went searching for him. Granted it wasn't much of a search. As soon as she entered the open floor plan of the rest of the house, she saw him sitting at the table in the breakfast nook, sipping coffee and scrolling through different news articles on his iPad. She grew nearer and he looked up. A smile immediately spread over his face and he set his tablet down and reach a hand out towards her.

"Morning, kid,"

She took his hand as soon as she could and took it upon herself to crawl up onto his lap. She tucked her head down on his shoulder.

"Sleep well?" He turned his head to kiss her forehead when she nodded, then picked up his coffee cup for a sip. "Can I get you any breakfast?" He waited until she eventually shook her head. "Maybe some coffee, then?"

Though she took a moment before she nodded, he knew he wasn't bound to go anywhere soon with her on his lap. And not wanting to rattle her more than necessary, he simply picked up his coffee cup and handed it to her. Addi wrapped her fingers around the ceramic and shrugged her shoulders, nestling in closer to Alex. He tipped his head towards her again, resting his lips on her forehead and lingered there.

"Älskar dig," he murmured.

She nodded, "jag vet,"

He suppressed a chuckle, his chest bouncing softly. Pulling away just enough to look down at her, he swiped his thumb over her cheek, "maybe you love me, too?"

She lifted her head and with the first gentle smile he'd seen from her in awhile, she answered, "älskar dig med."

Alex leaned down and kissed her and forwent lingering to long to avoid inciting anything that could add strain to her already crumbling psyche. But while he tried to part, Addi clutched onto him tighter. She kept him in her bubble and though she struggled to get his lips back on hers, she managed to get them on her neck. He breathed in her scent, relishing in the closeness, and in between pecks to her skin, he felt her shifting in his lap.

He pulled back to look at her, finding she'd already set the coffee cup down. A quick peck to her forehead later, he adjusted her in his lap. "Do you want to head out to the beach today? There's a private entrance down the street,"

Addi shook her head and rolled her hips (and entire body) forward, totally encapsulating herself around him. "I don't want to go anywhere," she turned her head in and kissed the side of his neck, just below his ear. "Can we have sex?"

He cupped his hands over the sides of her face gently, "I can't if you're going to cry because it makes me--"

"I'm not going to cry," she interrupted without hesitation. "I just want to feel something other than... this,"

And it took a stronger man than he to say no to her when she was looking at him like that. He gently eased her off of his lap and took her hand, slowly but surely leading her back into the bedroom.

The intimate act that followed was unlike anything she'd experienced before. Being so caught up in her whirlwind of emotions, every last molecule of air was expelled from her body when Alex first pressed into her. She gasped to catch her breath and he bowed his head to meet her eyes, diligently watching the expression on her face change with each careful rock deeper inside her. With one particularly (and accidentally) hard thrust, she squealed and brought one hand up to her mouth to silence herself. Alex started to think that it was beginning to get to be too much before, but when he went to pull back, she gripped her free hand on his ass, gave it a squeeze and a nudge forward. A silent ask for more. Harder. Deeper. Get her out of her brain that had been so cruel to her for the past week.

He obliged, if only partially because he feared for her hand gripping into his flesh so tightly, he thought she might involuntarily give herself a muscle strain. But she didn't last long. Her body didn't have any fight in it to stave off an orgasm as she might've on any other day. It came barreling towards her with a sort of reckless abandon that she was resigned to succumb to. How could she not? The feeling of Alex stretching and filling her up. His weight rested on her like the best sort of weighted blanket. His soft moans in her ear, only rivaled by the whispers of his encouragements.

"You can do it, I've got you."

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Let go."

"Good girl, c'mon, give it to me."

She laid a limp, spent, heap of a body beneath him, acutely aware of the fact that he hadn't reached his own climax by the time he was easing his way out of her. He hushed her whining with a languid kiss when he unsheathed himself from her completely, and migrated to her neck for soft kisses until her breathing evened out.

Even when he got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom to clean himself up and dispose of the condom, she didn't have the energy or the will to move much more than shifting her head to gaze at the now closed door. It couldn't have been very long but she was starting to drift back into the terrible mindset that'd been plaguing her. Then like there was an alarm going off in his head, Alex re-emerged from the bathroom with a pack of her pH balancing wipes in his hand, and crawled back onto the bed. A quick and loving kiss on her lips later, he set the pack on her stomach and pulled one of the wipes out, and dragged it along her sensitive anatomy. He took his time. Gentle and thoughtful as ever.

With the task completed, he tossed the used wipe in the small trash can beside the bed, and hunkered back down on top of her to encompass her with his weight again. She held onto him tightly, thinking that just maybe... if she held on tight enough, it'd keep him from leaving her anytime soon.

[wyrdify]

A bit of an explanation for the stronger depression because I’m an info-dumper, and this shift is boring as fuck right now anyway. Plus, I know it affects my ability to write, and, well, I haven’t done that in a while, which is what most of y’all follow my blogs for.

---

We’re gonna break it down into parts:

Seasonal depression. Winter tends to increase my depression overall due to less sunlight, colder temperatures, and more time indoors. This is something to check on for yourselves, by the way. 

Apartment bound. Save for the one night a week when I get to go to trivia, I am basically stuck in my apartment 24/7. We are working to get my car fixed to help remedy this problem, but I have not driven in over a year, and we’re entering the winter season in New England.

My soul-sucking job. I cannot emphasize this one enough. My hours just got cut again for the week of 12/11 when I was promised they wouldn’t be, and I’m going to have to scrounge around to get them back up to 28.75. That’s all I’m allowed to work, and that’s for $12.75/hour (minimum wage). Management is poor and retaliatory, coworkers/assistant managers micromanage me to death, I don’t get recognition or praise for the work I do---the list goes on. But, because I can’t drive myself anywhere, and other work-at-home jobs that aren’t strictly customer service are hard to come by, I have to stick with it.

December in general. It’s a hard month for my family. Eleven years ago this Christmas Eve is when my paternal grandmother passed away (maternal passed away last year in late November, and I wasn’t as close to her for various reasons). While the wound isn’t as fresh as it was when I was 21, it still fucking hurts, and I still have trauma related to this whole Christmas season that I’ve been trying to deal with. When your grandmother was the center of your family, and she was the one who made Christmas a big deal at her house, the holidays lose a lot of their cheer. 

I have bipolar depression (bipolar II). If you want to learn more about what that means, Mayo Clinic does a decent breakdown here about bipolar in general. I’ve had this since I was at least in my teen years---that’s when I remember the depression getting worse, at least---but I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple of months ago. It means that when I hit a low, I hit a low, and I can stay in it for days to weeks at a time. Hypomania? Lasts maybe a few days if I’m lucky. Then there are the mixed episodes, also known as depression with the energy to act on it (for me, at least).

I’m not out to my in-laws. Because these are the holidays, I’m spending more time around them. I love my in-laws, but they are staunch conservative Catholics, and I’m not out to them as nonbinary. I get misgendered (not intentionally) a lot when I’m around them, and it’s hard. I’m sure a lot of my gender-nonconforming friends here can relate.

---

What I’m doing about each of these things:

Seasonal depression: Being aware of it, turning lights on, and staying on top of my diet.

Apartment bound: Working on getting my car fixed (husband is researching tires), finding opportunities to get out when possible.

My soul-sucking job: Just taking it one day at a time, venting here and there, keeping my head down, doing the bare minimum work wise*, focusing on what I can control, continuing to look for other jobs, working on a loan repayment plan to get my FAFSA done to get college restarted so I can work on an MLIS, not responding to work emails or slack messages while not on shift.

*paying minimum wage = minimum effort

December in general: Acknowledging the grief, communicating about it and when it’s hitting harder, not pushing myself too much. Also going to try and decorate the apartment for Christmas to get some of that holiday cheer in.

Bipolar II: Educating myself on my disorder, therapy, medication (and working with my med manager), tracking my sleep, journaling, writing poetry, tracking my moods.

Not Out to my In-Laws: Husband and I need to find a time to talk to his mom alone about it, and that’s probably not gonna happen for a bit. So, I’m tabling it for now.

---

Doing all of these things doesn’t change that the depressive episode is still hitting hard right now. It was super bad yesterday, and I’m sort of crawling out of it just now. I’m still going to isolate for the time being, especially since I have the Bioshock collection to distract me for a bit (started yesterday, and whoo boy it’s a trip so far). 

I’ll respond to discord messages when I get the energy, and my brain stops being snappy. That’s one part of depression no one likes, and it’s one reason I isolate: I can be mean, and I don’t want to be mean to my friends. My brain goes “Lol no one’s listening to/they’re ignoring you anyway, so go isolate.” You know, that leftover toxic thinking from being raised by abusive parents where I had to scream for even slight acknowledgment. Super fun. I’m working on challenging it, but, in the meantime, I just step away and not talk so I don’t say something mean. 

Anyway, this got longer than I thought it would, and I got distracted several times by work. Thanks for reading if you did. Have Vincent sitting on the internet as a reward.